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diff --git a/9549-h/9549-h.htm b/9549-h/9549-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..4d127ba --- /dev/null +++ b/9549-h/9549-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,3227 @@ +<?xml version="1.0" encoding="iso-8859-1"?> + +<!DOCTYPE html + PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd" > + +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml"> + <head> + <title> + Punchinello, Issue No. 3 + </title> + </head> + <body> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + +Project Gutenberg's Punchinello, Vol. 1, No. 3, April 16, 1870, by Various + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Punchinello, Vol. 1, No. 3, April 16, 1870 + +Author: Various + +Posting Date: January 18, 2013 [EBook #9549] +Release Date: December, 2005 +First Posted: October 8, 2003 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCHINELLO, APRIL 16, 1870 *** + + + + +Produced by Cornell University, Joshua Hutchinson, Ronald +Holder and the Online Distributed Proofreaders + + + + + + +</pre> + <p> + "The printing House of the United States." + </p> + <p> + <b>GEO. F. NESBITT & CO.</b>, + </p> + <p> + General <b>JOB PRINTERS</b>,<br /> BLANK BOOK Manufacturers,<br /> + STATIONERS, Wholesale and Retail,<br /> LITHOGRAPHIC Engravers and + Printers,<br /> COPPER-PLATE Engravers and Printers,<br /> CARD + Manufacturers,<br /> ENVELOPE Manufacturers,<br /> FINE CUT + and COLOR Printers.<br /> + </p> + <p> + <b>163, 165, 167,</b> and <b>169</b> PEARL ST., <b>73, 75, 77,</b> and <b>79</b> + PINE ST., New-York. + </p> + <p> + ADVANTAGES. All on the same premises, and under the immediate supervision + of the proprietors. + </p> + <hr /> + <div> + <p> + WALTHAM WATCHES. + </p> + <p> + 3-4 PLATE. + </p> + <p> + <em>16 and 20 Sizes.</em> + </p> + </div> + <p> + To the manufacture of these fine Watches the Company have devoted all the + science and skill in the art at their command, and confidently claim that, + for fineness and beauty, no less than for the greater excellences of + mechanical and scientific correctness of design and execution, these + watches are unsurpassed any where. + </p> + <p> + In this country the manufacture of this fine grade of Watches is not even + attempted except at Waltham. + </p> + <p> + FOR SALE BY ALL LEADING JEWELLERS. + </p> + <hr /> + <div> + <p> + MOLLER'S PUREST NORWEGIAN + </p> + <p> + <b>COD-LIVER OIL.</b> + </p> + </div> + <p> + "Of late years it has become almost impossible to get any Cod-Liver Oil + that patients can digest, owing to the objectionable mode of procuring and + preparing the livers.... Moller, of Christiana, Norway, prepares an oil + which is perfectly pure, and in every respect all that can be wished."<br /> + —DR. L.A. SATRE, before Academy of Medicine. See <i>Medical Record</i>, + December, 1869, p. 447. + </p> + <div> + <p> + SOLD BY DRUGGISTS. + </p> + <p> + W.H. SCHIEFFELIN & CO., + </p> + <p> + Sole Agents for the United States and Canada. + </p> + </div> + <hr /> + <p> + <img src="images/pnv1n3_cvrs.gif" + alt="PUNCHINELLO Will Exhibit Every Saturday Admission 10 cts" /> + </p> + <div> + <p> + SATURDAY, APRIL 16, 1870. + </p> + <p> + PUBLISHED BY THE + </p> + <p> + PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY, + </p> + <p> + <b>83 NASSAU STREET, NEW-YORK</b>. + </p> + </div> + <hr /> + <div> + <p> + APPLICATIONS FOR ADVERTISING IN + </p> + <p> + "PUNCHINELLO" + </p> + <p> + SHOULD BE ADDRESSED TO + </p> + <p> + J. NICKINSON, + </p> + </div> + <div> + <p> + Room No. 4, + </p> + <p> + 83 NASSAU STREET. + </p> + </div> + <hr /> + <div> + <p> + THE + </p> + <p> + "BREWSTER WAGON." + </p> + <p> + The Standard for Style and Quality. + </p> + <p> + BREWSTER & COMPANY, + </p> + <p> + of Broome Street. + </p> + <p> + WAREROOMS, + </p> + <p> + Fifth Avenue, corner of Fourteenth Street. + </p> + <p> + ELEGANT CARRIAGES, + </p> + <p> + <i>In all the Fashionable Varieties,</i> + </p> + <p> + EXCLUSIVELY OF OUR OWN BUILD. + </p> + </div> + <hr /> + <div> + <p> + Thomas J. Rayner & Co., + </p> + <p> + 29 LIBERTY STREET, + </p> + </div> + <div> + <p> + New-York, + </p> + </div> + <div> + <p> + MANUFACTURERS OF THE + </p> + <p> + <i>Finest Cigars made in the United States.</i> + </p> + </div> + <p> + All sizes and styles. Prices very moderate. Samples sent to any + responsible house. Also importers of the + </p> + <div> + <p> + "FUSROS" BRAND, + </p> + </div> + <p> + Equal in quality to the best of the Havana market, and from ten to twenty + per cent cheaper. Restaurant, Bar, Hotel, and Saloon trade will save money + by calling at + </p> + <div> + <b>20 LIBERTY STREET.</b> + </div> + <hr /> + <div> + <p> + GEO. BOWLEND, + </p> + <h2> + ARTIST, + </h2> + <p> + Room No. 11, + </p> + <p> + <b>No. 160 FULTON STREET,</b> + </p> + </div> + <div> + <p> + NEW-YORK. + </p> + </div> + <hr /> + <div> + <p> + WEVILL & HAMMAR, + </p> + <h3> + Wood Engravers, + </h3> + <p> + No. 208 BROADWAY, + </p> + </div> + <div> + <p> + NEW-YORK. + </p> + </div> + <hr /> + <div> + <h3> + PUNCHINELLO. + </h3> + <p> + —— + </p> + </div> + <p> + With a large and varied experience in the management and publication of a + paper of the class herewith submitted, and with the still more positive + advantage of an Ample Capital to justify the undertaking, the + </p> + <div> + <h3> + PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO. + </h3> + <p> + OF THE CITY OF NEW-YORK, + </p> + <p> + Presents to the public for approval, the + </p> + <p> + NEW ILLUSTRATED HUMOROUS AND SATIRICAL + </p> + <p> + WEEKLY PAPER, + </p> + <h2> + PUNCHINELLO, + </h2> + </div> + <p> + The first number of which will be issued under date of April 2, 1870, and + thereafter weekly. + </p> + <p> + PUNCHINELLO will be <i>National</i>, and not <i>local</i>; and will + endeavor to become a household word in all parts of the country; and to + that end has secured a + </p> + <div> + <p> + VALUABLE CORPS OF CONTRIBUTORS + </p> + </div> + <p> + in various sections of the Union, while its columns will always be open to + appropriate first-class literary and artistic talent. + </p> + <p> + PUNCHINELLO will be entirely original; humorous and witty, without + vulgarity, and satirical without malice. It will be printed on a superior + tinted paper of sixteen pages, size 13 by 9, and will be for sale by all + respectable newsdealers who have the judgment to know a good thing when + they see it, or by subscription from this office. + </p> + <p> + The Artistic department will be in charge of Henry L. Stephens, whose + celebrated cartoons in VANITY FAIR placed him in the front rank of + humorous artists, assisted by leading artists in their respective + specialties. + </p> + <p> + The management of the paper will be in the hands of WILLIAM A. STEPHENS, + with whom is associated CHARLES DAWSON SHANLY, both of whom were + identified with VANITY FAIR. + </p> + <div> + <p> + ORIGINAL ARTICLES, + </p> + </div> + <p> + Suitable for the paper, and Original Designs, or suggestive ideas or + sketches for illustrations, upon the topics of the day, are always + acceptable, and will be paid for liberally. + </p> + <p> + Rejected communications can not be returned, unless postage-stamps are + inclosed. + </p> + <p> + <b>Terms:</b> + </p> + <p> + One copy, per year, in advance $4.00<br /> Single copies, ten cents.<br /> A + specimen copy will be mailed free upon the receipt of ten cents.<br /> One + copy, with the Riverside Magazine, or any other magazine or paper price, + $2.50, for 5.50<br /> One copy, with any magazine or paper price, $4, for + 7.00 + </p> + <div> + <p> + —— + </p> + </div> + <p> + All communications, remittances, etc., to be addressed to + </p> + <div> + <p> + PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO., + </p> + </div> + <div> + <p> + No. 83 Nassau Street, + </p> + <p> + NEW-YORK, + </p> + </div> + <p> + P. O. Box, 2783. + </p> + <div> + <p> + <i>(For terms to Clubs, see 16th page.)</i> + </p> + </div> + <hr /> + <div> + <h2> + Mercantile Library, + </h2> + <h3> + Clinton Hall, Astor Place, + </h3> + <h3> + NEW-YORK. + </h3> + </div> + <p> + This is now the largest circulating Library in America, the number of + volumes on its shelves being <b>114,000.</b> About 1000 volumes are added + each month; and very large purchases are made of all new and popular + works. + </p> + <p> + Books are delivered at members' residences for five cents each delivery. + </p> + <div> + <h3> + TERMS OF MEMBERSHIP: + </h3> + <p> + TO CLERKS, + </p> + <h3> + $1 Initiation, $3 Annual Dues. + </h3> + <h3> + TO OTHERS, $5 a year. + </h3> + <h3> + SUBSCRIPTIONS TAKEN FOR<br /> SIX MONTHS. + </h3> + <h3> + <b>BRANCH OFFICES</b> + </h3> + <p> + AT + </p> + <p> + NO. 76 CEDAR STREET, NEW-YORK, + </p> + <p> + AND AT + </p> + <p> + Yonkers, Norwalk, Stamford, and Elizabeth. + </p> + </div> + <hr /> + <div> + <h3> + AMERICAN<br /> BUTTONHOLE, OVERSEAMING + </h3> + <p> + AND + </p> + <h2> + SEWING-MACHINE CO., + </h2> + <p> + <b>563 Broadway, New-York.</b> + </p> + </div> + <p> + This great combination machine is the last and greatest improvement on all + former machines, making, in addition to all the work done on best + Lock-Stitch machines, beautiful + </p> + <div> + <p> + BUTTON AND EYELET HOLES; + </p> + </div> + <p> + in all fabrics.<br /> Machine, with finely finished + </p> + <div> + <p> + OILED WALNUT TABLE AND COVER + </p> + </div> + <p> + complete, $75. Same machine, without the buttonhole parts, $60. This last + is beyond all question the simplest, easiest to manage and to keep in + order, of any machine in the market. Machines warranted, and full + instruction given to purchasers. + </p> + <hr /> + <div> + <h3> + HENRY SPEAR + </h3> + <p> + <b>STATIONER, PRINTER</b> + </p> + <p> + AND + </p> + <h3> + BLANK BOOK MANUFACTURER. + </h3> + <p> + <b>ACCOUNT BOOKS</b> + </p> + <p> + MADE TO ORDER. + </p> + <p> + <b>PRINTING OF EVERY DESCRIPTION.</b> + </p> + <p> + <b>82 Wall Street</b> + </p> + </div> + <div> + <h3> + <b>NEW-YORK.</b> + </h3> + </div> + <hr /> + <div> + <h3> + THE PLAYS AND SHOWS. + </h3> + <p> + FROU-FROU. + </p> + </div> + <p> + <img src="images/pnv1n3_p3s.gif" alt="Illustration with letter 'T'" /> his + nice little French drama has now been running at the FIFTH AVENUE THEATRE + more than seven weeks. It is the story of a man who killed the seducer of + his wife, and then forgave and received back again the guilty woman. + </p> + <p> + The same tragic farce was played in Washington some eleven years ago. The + actor who played the part of the outraged husband made an effective hit at + the time, but he has never repeated the performance. Since then he has + become a double-star actor in a wider field, There are those who insist + that he is an ill-starred actor in a general way; but as he has left the + country, we can leave those who regard his absence as a good riddance of + bad rubbish, and those who call it a Madriddance of good rubbish, to + discuss his merits at their leisure. + </p> + <p> + After the execution of unnecessary quantities of noisy overture by the + orchestra, the play begins. Soon after, the audience arrives. It is a rule + with our play-goers never to see the first scene of any drama. This rule + originates in a benevolent wish to permit the actors to slide gradually + into a consciousness that somebody is looking at them; thus saving them + from the possibility of stage-fright. Simple folks, who do not understand + the meaning of the custom, erroneously regard it as an evidence of + vulgarity and discourtesy. + </p> + <p> + The first act is not exciting. Mr. G.H. CLARKE, in irreproachable clothes, + (the clothes of this actor's professional life become him, if any thing, + better than his acting,) offers his hand to FROU-FROU, a small girl with a + reckless display of back-hair, and is accepted, to the evident disgust of + her sensible sister, LOUISE. + </p> + <p> + <i>Sympathetic Young Lady who adores that dear Mr. Clarke.</i>—"How + sweetly pretty! Do the people on the stage talk just like the <i>real</i> + French aristocracy?" + </p> + <p> + <i>Travelled friend, knowing that persons in the neighborhood are + listening for his reply</i>—"Well, yes. To a certain extent, that + is." (<i>It suddenly occurring to him that nobody can know any thing about + the Legitimists, he says confidently</i>.) "They haven't the air, you + know, of the genuine old Legitimist <i>noblesse</i>. As to BONAPARTE'S + nobility, I don't know much about them." + </p> + <p> + <i>He flatters himself that he has said a neat thing, but is posed by an + unexpected question from the Sympathetic Young Lady, who asks—</i>"Who + are the great Legitimist families, nowadays?" + </p> + <p> + "Well, the—the—<i>(can't think of any name but St. Germain, + and so says boldly,)</i> the St. Germains, and all the rest of 'em, you + know." (<i>He is sorely tempted to add the St. Clouds and the Luxembourgs, + but prudently refrains</i>.) + </p> + <p> + The second act shows the husband lavishing every sort of tenderness and + jewelry upon the wife, who is developing a strong tendency to flirt. She + insists that her sister LOUISE shall join the family and accept the + position of Acting Assistant Wife and Mother, while she herself gives her + whole mind to innocent flirtation. + </p> + <p> + <i>Worldly-wise Matron of evident experience</i>—"The girl's a fool. + Catch me taking a pretty sister into my house!" + </p> + <p> + <i>Brutal Husband of the Matron suggests</i>—"But she might have + done so much worse, my dear. Suppose she had given her husband a + mother-in-law as a housekeeper?" + </p> + <p> + <i>Matron, with suppressed fury</i>—"Very well, my dear. If you + can't refrain from insulting dear mother, I shall leave you to sit out the + play alone." + </p> + <p> + (<i>Sh—sh—sh! from every body. Curtain rises again</i>.) More + attentions to pretty wife, repaid by more flirtation at her husband's + expense. Finally FROU-FROU decides that LOUISE manages the household so + admirably that misery must be the result. As a necessary consequence of + this logical conclusion, she rushes out of the house with a gesture + borrowed from RIP VAN WINKLE, and an expressed determination to elope. + </p> + <p> + <i>Jocular Man remarks</i>—"Now, then, CLARKE can go to Chicago, get + a divorce, and marry LOUISE." + </p> + <p> + <i>This practical suggestion is warmly reprobated by the ladies who + overhear it, one of whom remarks with withering scorn</i>—"Some + people think it <i>so</i> smart to ridicule every thing. To my mind there + is nothing more vulgar." + </p> + <p> + <i>The Jocular Man, refusing to be withered, assures the Travelled Man + confidentially that</i>—"The play is frightful trash, and as for the + acting, why, your little milliner in the Rue de la Paix could give MISS + ETHEL any odds you please. "(<i>Both look as though they remembered some + delightfully improper Parisian dissipation, and in consequence rise + rapidly in the estimation of the respectable ladies who are within hearing</i>.) + </p> + <p> + After the orchestra has given specimens of every modern composer, the + fourth act begins. FROU-FROU is found living at Venice with her lover. Her + husband surprises her. He is pale and weak; but, returning her the amount + of her dower, goes out to shoot the lover. + </p> + <p> + <i>Rural Person announces as a startling discovery</i>—"That's Miss + AGNES ETHEL who's a-playin' FROW-FROW. Well, now, she ain't nothin' to + LYDDY THOMPSON." + </p> + <p> + <i>Jocular Man says to his Travelled Friend</i>—"The idea of Miss + ETHEL trying to act like a French-woman! Did you hear how she pronounced + <i>Monsieur</i>?" + </p> + <p> + <i>Travelled Man smiles weakly, conscious of the imperfections of his own + pronunciation. To his dismay, the Sympathetic Young Lady asks</i>—"What + does that horrid man mean? How do you pronounce the word he talks about?" + </p> + <p> + <i>Travelled Man, with desperation</i>—"It ought to be pronounced m—m—m—" + (<i>ending in an inaudible murmur</i>.) + </p> + <p> + "What? I didn't quite hear." + </p> + <p> + <i>The Travelled Man will catch at a straw. He does so, and says</i>—"Excuse + me, but the curtain is rising." + </p> + <p> + FROU-FROU, in a dying state and a black dress, with her back-hair neatly + arranged, is brought into her husband's house to die. He kneels at her + feet. "You must not die. I am alone at fault. Forgive me sweet angel, and + live." With the only gleam of good sense which she has yet shown, + FROU-FROU refuses to live, and dropping her head heavily on the arm of the + sofa, with a blind confidence that the thickness of her chignon will save + her from a fractured skull, she peremptorily dies. + </p> + <p> + <i>Subdued sobs from the audience, with the single exception of the + Jocular Man, who says</i>—"Well, if that's moral, I don't know + what's immoral; and I did think I had lived long enough in Paris to know + that." + </p> + <p> + With which opinion we heartily coincide, adding also the seriously + critical remark that though Messrs. DAVIDGE and LEWIS play their comic + parts with honest excellence, and though Mr. CLARKE is really a good actor + in spite of his popularity with the ladies of the audience, Miss ETHEL, + upon whom the whole play depends, is so obviously incompetent to personate + a brilliant and <i>spirituelle</i> Parisienne that one wonders at the + popularity of FROU-FROU. The majority of the audience are ladies. Can it + be that they like the play because it teaches that the sins of a pretty + woman should be condoned by her husband, provided she looks well with her + back-hair down? + </p> + <p> + MATADOR. + </p> + <hr /> + <div> + <h3> + PUNCHINELLO AND THE ALDERMEN. + </h3> + </div> + <p> + The City Aldermen have called in a body to pay their respects to + PUNCHINELLO. PUNCHINELLO has not returned the compliment, since he likes + neither their looks, their diamonds, or their diamond-cut-diamond ways. + They curb streets by resolution, but they have not resolution enough to + keep the streets from curbing them. They gutter highways, but oftenest let + Low Ways gutter them. They wear fine shirt-fronts, but resort to sorry and + disreputable shifts in order to procure them. They are gorgeously and + gorged-ly badged with the City Arms in gold, but no city arms open to + badger them with golden opinions; and, altogether, the Aldermen pass so + many bad things that PUNCHINELLO can afford to let them pass like bad + dimes, before they are nailed to the counter of that Public Opinion to + which they run counter. + </p> + <hr /> + <div> + <p> + <b>Will the Aldermen Respond?</b> + </p> + </div> + <p> + Do they who took up the SEWARD intend to perish by the SEWARD? + </p> + <p> + [Footer: Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1870, by the + PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY, in the Clerk's Office of the District + Court of the United States, for the Southern District of New-York.] + </p> + <hr /> + <div> + <h3> + HINTS FOR THE FAMILY. + </h3> + </div> + <p> + Since the first publication of the hints to economically disposed + families, PUNCHINELLO has received a great number of letters from all + parts of the country, cordially indorsing his course. One gentleman writes + that he has already saved enough money from the diminution in the cost of + his wife's pins (in consequence of her having adopted the plan of keeping + them stuck into a stuffed bag) to warrant him in subscribing to this paper + for a year. Many of the readers of our first number write us that they now + never take a meal except from a board, or a series of boards, supported by + legs, as PUNCHINELLO recommended. Highly encouraged by this evidence of + their usefulness, PUNCHINELLO hastens to offer further advice of the same + valuable character. + </p> + <p> + It may have been frequently noticed that all families require food at + certain intervals, generally three times a day, and in the case of + children even oftener. The cost of providing this food at the butcher, + baker, and provision shops is necessarily very great, and it is well, + then, to understand how a very good substitute for store-food may be + prepared at home. In order to make this preparation, procure from your + grocer's a quantity of flour—ordinary wheat flour—buying much + or little, according to the size of your family. This must then be placed + in a tin-pan, and mixed with water, salt, and yeast, according to taste. + If the mass is now placed by the fire, a singular phenomenon will be + observed, to which it will be well to draw the attention of the whole + family; old and young will witness it with equal surprise and delight. The + whole body of the soft mixture will gradually rise and fill (and sometimes + even overflow) the pan! When not in view by the household, it will be well + to cover the pan with a cloth, on account of dust and roaches; but it must + be observed that a soft and warm <img src="images/pnv1n3_p4n1s.gif" + alt="family cat" /> bedlike arrangement will thus be formed, and if the + family cat should choose to make it her resting-place, the mixture will + not rise. + </p> + <p> + After this substance is sufficiently light and spongy, it must be taken + out of the pan and worked up into portions weighing a few pounds each. But + it must <i>not be eaten</i> in this condition, for it would be neither + palatable nor wholesome. It should be put in another pan and placed in the + oven. Then (if there be a fire in the stove or range) it will be soon + hardened and dried by the action of the heat, and will be fit to be eaten—provided + the foregoing conditions have been perfectly understood. When brought to + the table, it should be cut in slices and spread with molasses, jelly, + butter, or honey, and it will be found quite adequate to the relief of + ordinary hunger. A family which has once used this preparation will never + be content without it. Some persons have it at every meal. + </p> + <p> + PUNCHINELLO has read with great pleasure a recently published book, by + CATHARINE BEECHER, and her sister Mrs. STOWE, the object of which is to + teach ingenious folks how to make ordinary articles of household furniture + in their leisure hours. One article not mentioned by these ladies is + recommended by PUNCHINELLO to the attention of all economical families. It + having been observed that it is a highly useful practice to provide for + the regular recurrence of meals, bedtime and other household epochs, an + instrument which shall indicate the hour of the day will be of the + greatest advantage. Such a one may thus be made on rainy days or in the + long winter evenings. Procure some thin boards and construct a small box. + If it can be made pointed at one end, with two little towers to it, so + much the better. Make a glass door to it, and paste upon the lower part of + this a picture representing a scene in Spanish Germany. Paint a rose just + under the scene. Then get a lot of brass cog-wheels, and put them together + inside of the box. Arrange them so that they shall fit into each other and + wrap a string around one of them, to the end of which a lump of lead or + iron should be attached. Then put a piece of tin, with the hours painted + thereon, on the upper part of the box, behind the door, and get two long + bits of thin iron, one shorter than the other, and connect them, by means + of a hole in the middle of the tin, with the cog-wheels inside. Then shut + the door, and if this apparatus has been properly made, it will tell the + time of day. Any thing more convenient cannot be imagined, and the cost of + the brass, by the pound, will not be more than fifteen cents, while the + wood, the tin, and the iron may be had for about ten cents. In the shops + the completed article would be very much more costly. + </p> + <p> + <img src="images/pnv1n3_p4n2s.gif" alt="clock" /> + </p> + <p> + In his "Hints" PUNCHINELLO always desires to remember the peculiar needs + of the ladies, and will now tell them something that he is sure will + please them. They have all found, in the course of their shopping, that it + is exceedingly difficult to procure at the dry goods stores, any sort of + fabric which is so woven as to fit the figure, and they must have + frequently experienced the necessity of cutting their purchases into + variously-shaped pieces and fastening them together again by means of a + thread. Here is an admirable plan for accomplishing this object. Take a + piece of fine steel wire and sharpen one end of it. Now bore a hole in the + other end, in which insert the thread. If the edges of the cloth are now + placed together, and the wire is forced through them, the operator will + find, to her delight and surprise, that the thread will readily follow it. + If the wire is thus passed through the stuff, backward and forward, a + great many times, the edges will be firmly united. It will be necessary, + on the occasion of the first puncture, to form a hard convolution at the + free end of the thread, so as to prevent it passing entirely through. This + method will be found much more convenient than the plan of punching holes + in the stuff and then sticking the ends of the thread through them. In the + latter case, the thread is almost certain to curl up, and cause great + annoyance. + </p> + <hr /> + <div> + <p> + <b>Dies Iræ.</b> + </p> + </div> + <p> + The Philadelphia <i>Day</i>, on account of the immense success of + PUNCHINELLO. + </p> + <hr /> + <div> + <p> + <b>Sporting Query.</b> + </p> + </div> + <p> + Was the fight between the "blondes" and STOREY of Chicago a Fair fight? + </p> + <hr /> + <div> + <p> + <b>Prospect of a Short Water Supply Next Summer.</b> + </p> + </div> + <p> + A convention of milk dealers met this week at Croton Falls to prevent the + adulteration of milk by City dealers. + </p> + <hr /> + <div> + <h3> + LATEST FROM WASHINGTON. + </h3> + </div> + <p> + Commissioner Piegan, of Montana, submits the outline of a treaty with the + Indians, which embraces the following provisions, (the embracing of + provisions being strictly in character:) + </p> + <p> + 1. No infant under three months of age, and no old man over one hundred + and ten, to be killed by either party in battle.<br /> All women to be + killed on sight.<br /> Where the small-pox is raging, the field to be left + to the Small-Pox. + </p> + <p> + 2. Presents to Indians to consist chiefly of arms, ammunition, and whisky. + </p> + <p> + 3. Liquor-sellers and apostles to be encouraged on equal terms. + </p> + <p> + 4. Amateur sportsmen to be warned against killing Indians during the + breeding season. + </p> + <p> + 5. Quakers and VINCENT COLLYER to be assigned to duty at Washington. + </p> + <p> + 6. Four months' notice to be given of any intended attack on a White camp. + </p> + <p> + 7. In scalping a lady, the rights of property in waterfall and switch to + be sacredly regarded. + </p> + <p> + 8. Declarations of love (during a campaign) to be submitted in writing. + </p> + <p> + 9. The usual atrocities to be observed by both parties. + </p> + <p> + 10. Hostilities to terminate when the last Indian lays down his tomahawk, + (to take a drink,) unless sooner shot by his white brethren, or removed to + a new reservation by the small-pox. + </p> + <p> + Action on this treaty is expected to take place in about ten years. + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <img src="images/pnv1n3_p5s.gif" alt="Rather Personal" /> + </p> + <div> + <b>RATHER PERSONAL.</b> + </div> + <p> + <i>Ardent Lover.</i> "THEN, WHY, OH! WHY, DO YOU SCORN MY HAND?"<br /> <i>Young + Lady.</i> "I HAVE NO FAULT TO FIND WITH YOUR HAND, BUT I <i>do</i> OBJECT + TO YOUR FEET." + </p> + <div> + <h3> + A DISTINGUISHED VISITOR. + </h3> + </div> + <p> + It is now settled that PIERRE BONAPARTE, who has been sentenced by the + High Court of Tours to leave France, is coming to New-York with the + intention of opening a pistol-gallery in partnership with REDDY the + Blacksmith. As the Prince is known to have "polished off" at least four + men with his revolver, his reception by the occupants of "Murderer's + Block" and other famous localities of the city will doubtless be very + enthusiastic. A suite of apartments is now being fitted up for his + accommodation in East-Houston Street—The rooms are very tastefully + decorated with portraits of the late lamented BILLY MULLIGAN and other + celebrated knights of the trigger. The Prince, it is understood, will drop + his title on his arrival here, and enter society as plain PETER BONAPARTE—thus + Englishing PIERRE, because it is French for stone, and he thinks that his + exploits entitle him to take rank in New-York as a Brick. + </p> + <hr /> + <div> + <b>The Beginning and Ending of a Chicken's Life.</b> + </div> + <p> + HATCHET. + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <div> + <b>The Best Envelope for a Sweet Note.</b> + </div> + <p> + "CANARY laid" + </p> + <hr /> + <div> + <h3> + WOMAN, PAST AND PRESENT. + </h3> + </div> + <p> + DR. LORD, in a lecture lately delivered by him in Boston, on PHILIPPA, the + mother of the BLACK PRINCE, (who was a white woman,) told about JANE, + Countess of MONTFORT, (you all know who <i>she</i> was,) and how She once + defended a fortress and defied a phalanx with eminent success. Of her the + lecturer said, + </p> + <div> + "Clad in complete armor, she stood foremost in the breach." + </div> + <p> + She did that, did she, this JANE of old? Tut, sir! that's nothing to our + modern JANES, crowds of whom are now yearning to stand "foremost in the + breeches." + </p> + <hr /> + <div> + <b>A Bill that the Young Democracy Couldn't Settle.</b> + </div> + <p> + BILL TWEED. + </p> + <hr /> + <div> + <b>Cool.</b> + </div> + <p> + ENGLAND has a Bleak house, but New-York has a Bleecker street. + </p> + <hr /> + <div> + <h3> + A SOROSIAN IMPROMPTU. + </h3> + </div> + <p> + One of the sisters of Sorosis, at the last meeting of the club, was + delivered of the following touching "Impromptu on some beautiful bouquets + of flowers:" + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + "With hungry eyes we glanced adown<br /> The table nicely spread;<br /> + Our appetites were very keen,<br /> And not one word was said,<br /> <br /> + "Till of a sudden "Ohs!" and "Ahs!"<br /> Gave token of delight,<br /> As, + from a magic flower-bed.<br /> Bright buds appeared in sight.<br /> <br /> + "May this sweet thought suggest the way<br /> In which to spend life's + hours;<br /> And we endeavor every day<br /> To scatter fragrant flowers." + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + The first verse reminds us not a little of several olden nursery rhymes of + a prandial and convivial character, of which the most prominent is that + relating to little JACK HORNER, who sat in a corner eating a Christmas + pie. But even he is not described as having "hungry eyes," though there is + small doubt but that he had a good appetite, and was "hungry o' the + stomach." It is pleasant to know that the table was nicely spread, though + not as "keen appetites" would have demanded, with bread and butter; but, + as the subject calls for, with flowers—food of a very proper + character for hungry eyes to feed upon. Nor is it any wonder that those of + the sisterhood who went to the table expecting to find something more + substantial than flowers set before them, should at first sight have been + unable to utter one word. And only, after their first astonishment and + disappointment was over, the magical letters O's and R's, which, we may + presume, was a short way of calling for Old Rum, to restore their drooping + spirits, though our poetess, with a woman's perverseness, would have us + believe they were intended as "tokens of delight." + </p> + <p> + Of the last verse we can only say that it is an evident plagiarism of the + well-known juvenile poem, commencing, + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + "How doth the little busy bee<br /> Improve each shining hour,<br /> And + gather honey all the day<br /> From every opening flower!" + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + We confess, though, that we are unable to discover the "sweet thought" + that is to "suggest the way" + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + "In which to spend life's hours!" + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + Moreover, we believe it would be tiresome and monotonous to be occupied + "every day" in scattering "fragrant flowers," even if we were certain that + the lovely members of Sorosis would regard them with "tokens of delight." + </p> + <p> + We regard this Impromptu as a failure, and call upon ALICE, and PHEBE, and + CELIA, and other tuneful members of the Sorosis Club to come to the rescue + of their unfortunate sister—the perpetrator of the above verses. + </p> + <hr /> + <div> + <b>Suggestive.</b> + </div> + <p> + Our sheriff's initials—J.O.B. + </p> + <hr /> + <div> + <b>How to Rise Early.</b> + </div> + <p> + Lie with your head to the (y)east. + </p> + <hr /> + <div> + <b>Query for Barney Williams.</b> + </div> + <p> + Is the "Emerald Ring" a Fenian Circle? + </p> + <hr /> + <div> + <b>Not During Lent.</b> + </div> + <p> + It is hardly probable that General GRANT will dismiss FISH from the + Cabinet during Lent. + </p> + <hr /> + <h3> + THE REAL ESTATE OF WOMAN. + </h3> + <p> + DEAR PUNCHINELLO: We would not for the <i>World</i>—no, nor even for + PUNCHINELLO—cast any reproaches upon the vigorous movement made in + these latter days to find the real estate of woman; but why, tell us why, + should we find enlisted in this cause at present, as members of the + various <i>Sorosis-ters</i>, so many single sisters with pretensions to + youth? + </p> + <p> + <img src="images/pnv1n3_p6n1s.gif" alt="She searches for a man." /> + </p> + <p> + We have always looked upon the champions of woman's righteousness, those + who believe in the <i>fee-male absolute</i> as the real estate of woman, + as principally married women, whose housekeeping has proved a failure, + (except in the single item of hot water,) and certain ladies who have + lived to mature age without reference to men, and whom no man would take + even with the best of reference. + </p> + <p> + There surely must be something wrong, somewhere, when those in the younger + walks of age take on this armor. + </p> + <p> + Where is the need? + </p> + <p> + Why should they who have never had their young lives blighted by a husband + linger pathetically over the tyranny of the sterner sex? + </p> + <p> + Instead of shedding all these tears over other people's husbands, they + ought rather to rejoice that they have been spared such inflictions in the + past, and give exceeding great thanks that they are beyond danger of such + in the future. + </p> + <p> + There may be other young women (if I may so speak) who are so heart-broken + because of the oppression of their sex, as wives, so disgusted with the + state matrimonial under the present constitution of society, that they + would not marry—oh! no. + </p> + <p> + <img src="images/pnv1n3_p6n2s.gif" + alt="She searches for a fire. 'There's somethin' a singein'!'" /> + </p> + <p> + Now, we all remember the cogent reason why John refused to partake of his + evening repast, and we assure these young persons that they have nothing + whatever to fear. The danger is past, and they are safe beyond the + possibility of a peradventure. + </p> + <p> + They are not the kind that men devour. And yet we can not help feeling + pity for them; their experience has been <i>trying</i>, but in vain; they + know what it is "to suffer and be strong"-minded; they have learned "to + labor and to wait," and it is well; for in all probability they will wait + for some time. + </p> + <p> + It may be that the poor creatures are afflicted by the thought that <i>perhaps</i> + they may be called upon to make warning examples of themselves, and marry; + and that <i>perhaps</i> the man they marry may be a tyrant, and—but + the contingency is too remote. + </p> + <p> + Some tell us that their youthful ardor is to uphold the standard of + woman's mission: they want to work. + </p> + <p> + Well, all we can say is—<i>go it</i>! for under the circumstances, + with no one to work for them, the best possible thing they can do is to + work for themselves. But couldn't they do more, or at least as much, + without so much noise? If they only had plenty to do, and not so much + spare time to talk about what they are going to do, wouldn't they be + better off, and poor frail man be the gainer thereby? + </p> + <p> + If they could only resolve upon such a course, and stick to it, don't you + think they would receive more aid, material and moral? + </p> + <p> + Many would gladly contribute of their substance in such a cause, with + overflowing hearts; and the world of man will gladly guarantee to those + who avow their determination not to marry, entire immunity from any + temptation in that direction. + </p> + <p> + As to the rest—those weak creatures who <i>will</i> be satisfied + with good husbands and broad home-missions—they know no better; they + will continue to move in their limited spheres, benighted but happy, and + every thing will be satisfactory. + </p> + <p> + Lawyers tell us that since the statutes of 1848, a woman's <i>real estate</i> + has been within her own control; we take a broader view: we think it <i>always</i> + has been within her own control by virtue of that old first statute given + to our gentle mother, EVE. + </p> + <hr /> + <h3> + AN OLD BAILEY PRACTITIONER. + </h3> + <p> + In England they have an institution called the Old Bailey. It dealt from + time immemorial in such queer animals as "four-footed recognizances," and + in such strong assistance to justice as "straw bail" affords. The + court-room of the Old Bailey may be called a historical vat of crime. + Until recently, New-York was Old Bailey-less. Now detectives go about the + streets singing an air which reminds one forcibly of the tune called + "Unfortunate Miss BAILEY," only that it is Mister BAILEY they have missed. + Old BAILEY is really like JOHN GILPIN in two respects; all rumors about + him begin by calling him "a citizen of credit and renown;" and they + generally end by referring to him as a man who was gone to "dine at—where?" + </p> + <p> + Our New-York Old BAILEY has disappeared. Either the FULLERTON earthquake + has swallowed him up, or he has gone to the unknown land to which most + Spiritual mediums migrate. There never was a greater Spiritual medium than + Old BAILEY. He has had spirits on the brain during several years past. He + throve on spirits. He had only to rap on casks of spirits, and greenbacks + would rustle therefrom like trailing garments out of the Spirit-world. He + had assistant mediums in all the Federal officers. And now the question + asked of Commissioner DELANO, (who, by the way, in this respect would + gladly become DELA-yes) is "Canst thou call 'spirits from the vasty deep?' + and if thou canst, where is Old BAILEY?" Banker CLEWS is one of his + sureties, but he owns no Clews to his principal's whereabouts. Do not + PUNCHINELLO'S subjects all know that whisk brooms sweep clean, and that no + broom swept cleaner the Augean stables of Federal plunderers than that + wretched Old BAILEY'S whisky broom? There is, however, an old proverb + which claims that industrious brooms soon wear out. But BAILEY is unlike a + broom, in that no one can find a handle to his whereabouts. + </p> + <p> + PUNCHINELLO has heard a great deal about the practice of the Old Bailey in + London. He thinks it likely that so long as the Administration continues + to protect Federal plunderers, and to cover their tracks by attacks + against alleged city and State abuses, these Old Bailey practices recently + introduced into the United States Courts and United States procedure, + within or without revenue offices, must soon entitle a large number of + Federal officers, all over the country, to be happily styled "Old Bailey + Practitioners." + </p> + <hr /> + <div> + <b>A Gay Young Joker.</b> + </div> + <p> + Thus spake the old Republican Machiavel, THURLOW WEED, a day or two since, + to W.H. SEWARD, the sly old fox with the "little bell." + </p> + <p> + "TWEED 'l win." + </p> + <p> + "Tweedle-dee!" retorted SEWARD. "What d'ye mean by that?" + </p> + <p> + "I mean," rejoined THURLOW, that his name, T. WEED, is identical with one + that erstwhile loomed largest in the sovereignty of the State of + New-York." + </p> + <p> + SEWARD smiled. + </p> + <hr /> + <h3> + PHILADELVINGS. + </h3> + <p> + "Mother! mother!" screamed a little girl from above stairs to her maternal + parent in the parlor. "Mother, I've been crying ever so long, and HANNAH + won't pacify me!" And now PUNCHINELLO notices that it is not only little + girls who act in this charming manner; for the Hon. WILLIAM D. KELLEY, of + Philadelphia, has just screamed over the Congressional banisters that he + must be pacified, or he will no longer serve the good people of the Fourth + District of Pennsylvania. Therefore some fifteen hundred of his + constituents have written him a letter, and have said to him, "Dat he + sall, de poo itty-witty darling-warling, have his placey-wacey as + longey-wongey as he wants it, and the nasty- wasty one-legged soldiers + sha'n't trouble him for situations any more, so they sha'n't." So the poor + fellow straightens himself up, ceases his sobbing, and consents to.be + pacified and take his three thousand a year for a little while longer. + This may do very well for once in a while; but the Honorable WILLIAM D. + announces that, not only does he desire to be pacified in regard to the + people who expect him to get them situations, but that he wants to be with + his family for more than six months in a year, and that his property + affairs are a little mixed. Now, what if he should ask, next time, that + his family shall be assigned apartments in the Capitol, and that he shall + be put on the Grant Category, and be presented with an estate by his + grateful constituents? And suppose he should declare that he would serve + no more unless General LOGAN should be included among the number of those + from whose importunities he is to be defended? The good Irish blood of + WILLIAM D. has always boiled at the sound of the slogan, for it generally + means fight, and he wants—pacifying. PUNCHINELLO respectfully + presents his condolences to the people of the Fourth District of + Pennsylvania, and hopes that they will have a happy time of it with + WILLIAM D. + </p> + <p> + He has also noticed that the Philadelphians are having a lively and + brotherly dispute over their new public buildings; they don't know where + to put them. Most of the citizens are very much opposed to doing any thing + on the square; that is to say, Independence Square, where the citizens + assert their freedom by treading down all the grass, and making a mud-flat + of what was intended to be a turfy lawn. Some folks want the buildings on + PENN Square—so called because it is split in the middle, and answers + its intended purposes only on paper. But the good Quakers hate to + interfere with the rights of the blacks, whether they be men or women, and + so many of the latter make this square their abiding place every summer, + that it would seem like a violation of the spirit of the Fifteenth + Amendment to disturb them. But there is no doubt that the good + Philadelphians will have their new buildings some day, for they are very + enterprising. Witness the disposition of one of their leading men, + "Slushy" SMITH by name, who wants fifty thousand dollars with which to + open an avenue from the Delaware to Sixth street, basing his claims upon + the fact that such avenue will lead to Fairmount Park! Now, as the nearest + point of the park is two miles and a half from Sixth street, the vigor of + the scheme and the foreseeing character of the projectors are worthy of a + metropolis. + </p> + <p> + PUNCHINELLO is furthermore delighted to see that a son of PENN has decided + the great question of the Pope's infallibility, which so vexes our + OEcumenical fellow-creatures. POPE has been beheaded at Harrisburg, and of + course there is no further need to discuss his infallibility. When a man + loses his head, he is fallible. To be sure, the case was only one of a + picture of GRANT and his Generals, which hung in the State Library, and in + which POPE'S head was painted out, and Governor GEARY'S substituted; but + the act shows, on the part of the adherents of the leaden-legged governor, + a head-strong determination to proceed to extremities which has given rise + to the gravest apprehensions; but PUNCHINELLO hopes for the best. It is + expected that the Legislature will soon compel the inhabitants of the City + of Fraternites to send their children to school, whether they like it or + not. This is certainly progression, and PUNCHINELLO now looks confidently + forward to a law compelling all Philadelphians to wash their pavements + twice a day; to have white marble front-steps (without railings) to all + their houses; to build said houses entirely of red brick, with green + shutters; to make their sidewalks of similar bricks, laid unevenly, to + agitate passers-by and so prevent dyspepsia, and that each house shall + have at least one little gutter running over its pavement. + </p> + <hr /> + <div> + <b>"Lost at Sea."</b> + </div> + <p> + BOUCICAULT when he wrote the play. + </p> + <hr /> + <div> + <h3> + LETTER FROM A FRIEND. + </h3> + </div> + <p> + FRIEND PUNCHINELLO: + </p> + <p> + Thee is right welcome; but thee should look upon this as a city of + Friends, and not place it in thy wicked pages, but rather in thy Good + Books—all the more since thee claims to exalt the good things + pertaining to pen and pencil, and this is the great City of Penn and + Pennsylvania. + </p> + <p> + If thee should come this way next summer, to ruralize, thee might behold + our swollen Schuylkill, and say, Enough! Thee might see our City Fathers, + and say, Good! Doubtless thee has heard of our butter? Well, thee might + then taste it, and also say, Good!—if thee likes. It is cheap. Thee + will understand me, friend, that it is cheap to say "Good" and good to say + "Cheap." + </p> + <p> + If thee will but talk "plain language," thee may circulate freely in our + streets, and behold our horses and dogs rubbing noses against the + fountains; nay, refreshing themselves thereat by the sight and sound of + little water! + </p> + <p> + Cruelty to Animals is Prevented—but thee knows this; for has thee + not thy BERGH? Thee does with <i>one</i> BERGH, but we have two—Pittsburg + and Harrisburg—and, moreover, a proverb which says, "Every man + thinketh his own goose a SWANN" If thee needs, we can spare thee + Harrisburg, and trust to the laws of Providence. + </p> + <p> + But, friend PUNCHINELLO, if thee comes here, thee must be careful what + thee does. If thee does <i>nothing</i>, thee may be restrained. Thrift + accords not with idleness. + </p> + <p> + We permit none but official corner loungers and "dead beats;" and, having + a very FOX for a Mayor—whose police are sharp as steel traps—thee + comes into danger, unless thee be a Repeater. True, thee might disguise + thyself in liquor and—as friend Fox taketh none—escape. + </p> + <p> + This epistle is written out of kindly regard for thee, and because the + Spirit moveth me to wish thee well and a long life; although thee may not + live long enough to behold our new Public Buildings, the site of which no + man living can foresee. + </p> + <div> + I remain, thine in peace, + </div> + <div> + PHINEAS BHODBRIMME, + </div> + <div> + PHILADELPHIA, 3d Month, 29th, 1870. Mulberry Street. + </div> + <hr /> + <div> + <b>Consolation for Contemplated Changes in the Cabinet.</b> + </div> + <p> + There are as good Fish in the sea as ever were caught. + </p> + <hr /> + <div> + <b>Revels in the President's Mansion.</b> + </div> + <p> + The Black man in the White house. + </p> + <hr /> + <div> + <b>Nothing Like Leather.</b> + </div> + <p> + A leather-dealer in the "Swamp" writes to us, asking whether we cannot + administer a good leathering to the prowlers who infest that district at + night. We don't know. Had rather not interfere. Suppose the poor thieves + find good Hiding-places there. Let the leatherist guard his premises with + a good-sized Black—and tan. + </p> + <hr /> + <div> + <b>"Raising Cain."</b> + </div> + <p> + The Southern papers announce that cane-planting is generally finished, + which is more than can be said in this section, where it looks as though + the cane was about to usurp the place of the pen. We are not surprised, + however, to be informed that not half as much cane has been planted in the + South this year as there was last season, owing to the fact, no doubt, + that the Government has gone into the business of "raising Cain" so + extensively in that section. + </p> + <hr /> + <div> + <b>Good for a "Horse Laugh."</b> + </div> + <p> + What is the difference between the leading <i>equestrienne</i> at the + Circus and ROSA BONHEUR? + </p> + <p> + The one is known as the "Fair Horsewoman;" the other, as the "Horse Fair + Woman." + </p> + <hr /> + <div> + <b>A Drawn Battle.</b> + </div> + <p> + Any fight that gets into the illustrated papers. + </p> + <hr /> + <div> + <b>A Suggestion.</b> + </div> + <p> + It is proposed to transport passengers by means of the pneumatic tunnel. + In view of the dampness of this subterranean way, would it not be proper + to call it the Rheumatic tunnel? + </p> + <hr /> + <div> + <h3> + THE UMBRELLA. + </h3> + (CONCLUDED.) + </div> + <p> + It has been suggested that should a select party from the Fee-jee Islands, + who never before had wandered from their own delightful home, be thrown + into London, they might immediately erect the copper-colored flag, or + whatever their national ensign might be, and take possession of that + populous locality by right of discovery. So, in like manner, should you + leave your umbrella where it would be likely to be discovered—say in + a restaurant, or even in your own hall—the fortunate and + enterprising explorer who should happen to discover it would have in his + favor the nine points of the law that come with possession, and the + remaining points by right of discovery—a good thing for dealers in + umbrellas, but bad for that small portion of the general public not + addicted to petty larceny. + </p> + <p> + DICKENS, in one of his Christmas stories, tells us of an umbrella that a + man tried to get rid of: he gave it away; he sold it; he lost it; but it + invariably came back; despite his moat strenuous exertions, like bad <i>incubi</i>, + it remained upon his hands. + </p> + <p> + This strange incident does not come within our present treatise; it is of + the supernatural, and we are seeking to write the natural history of the + umbrella. + </p> + <p> + The man who, has an umbrella that has grown old in his service is a + curiosity—so is the umbrella. If a man borrow an umbrella, it is not + expected that he will ever return it; he is a polite and refined + mendicant. If a man lend an umbrella, it is understood that he has no + further use for it; he is a generous donor whose right hand knows not what + his left hand doeth—neither does his left hand. + </p> + <p> + A reform with regard to umbrellas has lately been attempted. A very + expressive and ingenious stand has been patented, in which if an umbrella + be once impaled there is no chance of its abduction except by the hands of + its rightful owner. A friend of ours, who owned such a one, placed all his + umbrellas in its charge, and went his way joyfully with the keys in his + pocket. During his absence, a facetious burglar called and removed + umbrellas, stand, and all. Our friend concludes that it is cheaper to lend + umbrellas by retail. + </p> + <p> + Despite the apparent severity of these remarks, there may be much romance + connected with the umbrella. Many a young man immersed in love has blessed + the umbrella that it has been his privilege to carry over the head of a + certain young lady caught in a shower. In such a case the umbrella may be + the means of cementing hearts. Two young hearts bound together by an + umbrella—think of it, ye dealers in poetical rhapsodies, and grieve + that the discovery was not yours! + </p> + <p> + How many agreeable chats have taken place beneath the umbrella! how many a + <i>confessio amantis</i> has ascended with sweet savor into the dome of + the umbrella and consecrated it for ever! + </p> + <p> + The romance alluded to may be spoiled if there be great disparity in + height. If the lady be very tall and you be very short, (so that you can't + afford to ride in an omnibus,) you will be apt to spoil a new hat; and if, + on the other hand, the lady be very short and you be very tall, you will + probably ruin a spring bonnet and break off the match. + </p> + <p> + Again, if you should happen to carry an umbrella of the vast blue style—to + your own disgust and the amusement of the multitude—and, under such + circumstances, you meet a particular lady friend, your best course will be + to pass rapidly by, screening yourself from observation as much as + possible. + </p> + <p> + It would also be awkward should the day be windy, and, as you advance with + a winning smile to offer an asylum to the <i>stricken dear,</i> the + umbrella should blow inside out. + </p> + <p> + The poet has raised the umbrella still higher by making it the symbol of + the marriage tie. He says, + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + "Just as to a big umbrella<br /> Is the handle when 'tis raining.<br /> So + unto a man is woman.<br /> Though, the handle bears the burden,<br /> 'Tis + the top keeps all the rain off;<br /> Though the top gets all the + wetting,<br /> 'Tis the handle still supports it.<br /> So the top is good + for nothing<br /> If there isn't any handle;<br /> And the case holds <i>vice + versa</i>." + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + All will appreciate the delicate pathos of the simile. Speaking of similes + reminds us that there is one on Broadway. An enterprising merchant has for + his sign an American eagle carrying an umbrella. + </p> + <p> + Imagine the American eagle carrying an umbrella! As well imagine JULIUS CæSAR + in shooting-jacket and NAPOLEON-boots. The sign was put up in war times, + and was, of course, intended as a Sign of the times, squalls being + prevalent and umbrellas needed. Now that the squalls are over, let us hope + that the umbrella may speedily come down. Just here we close ours. + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <img src="images/pnv1n3_p8s.gif" alt="Let her stay out in the cold." /> + </p> + <h3> + ALAS! POOR CUBA! + </h3> + <p> + <i>Messrs. Fish and Sumner</i>. "LET HER STAY OUT IN THE COLD." + </p> + <hr /> + <div> + <b>"Ironing Done Here."</b> + </div> + <p> + CAPTAIN EYRE'S conduct has raised the Ire of the whole civilized world. + </p> + <hr /> + <div> + <b>Right to a Letter.</b> + </div> + <p> + THE Collector of the Thirty-second District is charged with having + committed larceny as Bailee. + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <img src="images/pnv1n3_p9s.gif" + alt="The descent of the Great Massachusetts Frog upon the newspaper flies." /> + </p> + <h3> + THE DESCENT OF THE GREAT MASSACHUSETTS FROG UPON THE NEWSPAPER FLIES. + </h3> + <hr /> + <div> + <h3> + AN OLD BOY TO THE YOUNG ONES. + </h3> + </div> + <p> + <img src="images/pnv1n3_p11s.gif" alt="'T'" /> o-day I'm sixty-nine—an + Old Boy. But, bless you! I was three times as old—I thought so then—when + I entered on my nineteenth year. I tell you, boys—but perhaps you + know it already—that the oldest figure we ever reach in this world, + the point at which we can look over the head of METHUSELAH as easy as you + can squint at the pretty girls, is at eighteen and nineteen. Every body + else around about that time amounts to little, and less, and nothing at + all. What's the "old man"—your father, at forty-five—but an + old fogy who doesn't understand things at all? Of course not; how could he + be expected to? He didn't have the modern advantages. He didn't go to + school at five, the dancing academy at seven; nor did he give stunning + birthday parties at nine—not he. He didn't wear Paris kid-gloves in + the nursery, learn to swear at the tailor at ten, smoke and "swell" at + twelve, and flirt at Long Branch, Newport, or Saratoga at thirteen. The + truth is—you think so—the Old Man was brought up "slow." And, + to tell the truth, you had much rather not be seen with him outside the + house. + </p> + <p> + You are "one of the boys" now. I was, fifty years since. A long time ago, + that; but I've lived long enough to see and know that I was a great fool + then. You'll come to that, if you don't run to seed before. I see now that + what I then thought was smartness, was mere smoke; and it was a great deal + of smoke with the smallest quantity of fire. The people I thought amounted + to nothing, and whom I symbolized with a cipher, were merely reflections + of my own small, addled brain. I, too, thought the old man slow, <i>passé</i>, + stupid. I took him for a muff. He must have known I was twice that. What + does one of the boys at nineteen care for advice? <i>I</i> didn't—<i>you</i> + don't. It went in at the right ear and out over the left shoulder. Old + gent said he'd been there; I said I was going. I did go. So did his money. + My talent—if that's what you call it—was centrifugal, not + centripetal. I was a radical out-and-outer, as to funds. I made lots of + friends—you should have seen them. They swarmed— when there + was any thing in my pocket. They left me alone in solitude at other times. + At twenty-nine I got pretty well along in life. But I find I did not know + so much as at nineteen. I had seen something of the world, and also + something of myself. The more I saw and studied the latter individual, the + less I thought of him. I began sincerely to believe he was a humbug. At + thirty-nine, I knew he was; or rather had been. By that time he had begun + to mend—had he? He had married, and there was call for mending, + equally as to ways, means, and garments. From that hour I cultivated in + different fields. My wild oats were all <i>raked</i> in. I was getting + away from nineteen very rapidly—happily receding from the boy of <i>that</i> + period. Mrs. BROWNGREEN beheld a man devoted to domestics and the dailies. + The clubs I left behind me—twice a week. I was at home early—in + the morning. I kept careful watch of my goings and comings—so did my + curious neighbors. I had my family around me— also sheriffs and + trades-people. I stood tolerably well in the community; for I was straight + in those times even when in straits. But there was one stand I never did + like to take—anywhere in sight of my tailors. They were ungrateful. + I <i>gave</i> them any amount of patronage, and they turned on me and + wanted me to pay for it. That's the way of the world. It wants much, and + it wants it long; and when its bills come in, it is found to be the latter + dimensions with an emphasis. + </p> + <p> + Well, boys, when you get out of the nineteens, you will begin to learn + something. First of all, that you don't know much of any thing. That's the + beginning of wisdom, though twenty is pretty well on to begin at a good + school. You will learn that frogs are not so large as elephants, and that + a gas-bag is sure to end in a collapse. You will learn that the greatest + fool is he who thinks he sees such in everybody else. You will learn that + all women are <i>not</i> angels, nor all people older than yourself "old + fogies." You will see that humanity—or its best type—is not + made of equal parts of assurance, twenty-five cent cigars, Otard punches, + swallow-tail coats, and flash jewelry; and that the chances, in the + proportion of nine to one, are that "one of the boys" at nineteen is one + of the noodlest of noodles. + </p> + <p> + Truly, JEREMIAH BROWNGREEN, + </p> + <div> + <i>An Old Boy of Sixty-nine</i>. + </div> + <hr /> + <div> + <h3> + THE INDIAN. + </h3> + </div> + <p> + Indians were the first inhabitants of this country. "Lo!" was the first, + only, and original aboriginal. His statue may be seen outside of almost + any cigar-store. His descendants are still called "Low," though often over + six feet in height. The Indian is generally red, but in time of war he + becomes a "yeller." He lives in the forest, and is often "up a tree." + Indians believe in ghosts, and when the Spirit moves them, they move the + Spirits. (N.B. They have no excise law.) They have an objection to crooked + paths, preferring to take every thing "straight." Although fond of rum, + they do not possess the Spirit of the old Rum-uns. They are deficient in + all metals except brass. This they have in large quantities. The Indian is + very benevolent; and believing that "uneasy lies the head that wears a + crown," he often scalps his friends to allow them to sleep better. This is + touching in the extreme. He is also very hospitable, often treating his + captives to a hot Stake. This is also touching—especially to the + captive. He is very ingenious in inventing new modes of locomotion. Riding + on a rail is one of these. This is done after dinner, in order to aid the + digestion, although they often "settle your hash" in a different way. + Indians are independent, and can "paddle their own canoes." It is very + picturesque to see an Indian, who is a little elevated, in a Tight canoe + when the water is High. (No allusion to LONGFELLOW'S "Higherwater" is + intended.) Indians are pretty good shots, often shooting rapids. Their aim + is correct; but as Miss CAPULET observes, "What's in an aim?" (Answer in + our next.) They are also skilful with the long-bow. This does not, + however, indicate that they take an arrow view of things. Not at all. + Sometimes, when reduced by famine, they live on arrow-root. Sometimes they + dip the points of their arrows in perfume, after which they (the arrows, + not the Indians) are Scent. That this fact was known to Mr. SHAKESPEARE is + shown by his line, + </p> + <div> + "Arrows by any other name would smell as wheat." + </div> + <p> + What is meant by the allusion to wheat is not quite clear; but it probably + refers to old Rye. An Indian may be called the Bow ideal of a man. And + then, again, he may not. It is a bad habit to call names. The Western + people have given up the Bow, but still retain the Bowie. "Hang up the + fiddle and the bow," (BYRON.) Perhaps it is arrowing to their feelings. + Perhaps it is not. The Indian is different from the Girl of the Period. He + has "two strings to his bow," while she has two beaux "on a string." + </p> + <hr /> + <div> + <h3> + CAUSE AND EFFECT. + </h3> + </div> + <p> + When the <i>Daily Trombone</i> warns the POPE of Rome that his course is + prejudicial to the interests of true Catholics, the venerable prelate + doubtless adopts a new policy forthwith. When the <i>Evening Slasher</i> + informs NAPOLEON that unless he conciliates the people of France his + dynasty will be overthrown, the Emperor doubtless at once confers with his + Minister of State concerning the advice thus proffered. When the <i>Morning + Pontoon</i> warns VICTORIA that her persistent seclusion is damaging to + the cause of the throne, Her Gracious Majesty, without doubt, changes her + habits of life instanter. When the <i>Sunday Blowpipe</i> sagely informs + BISMARCK that he is a blunderer, the great diplomatist is probably thrown + into convulsions by the appalling intelligence. When the <i>Weekly + Gasmeter</i> coolly accuses the Czar of Russia of insincerity and + double-dealing, that potentate doubtless writes a private note to the + editor, defending his honor and policy. When the <i>Gridiron</i> advises + VICTOR EMMANUEL to be less rigid in his diplomacy, or he will regret it, + beyond question V.E., alarmed and chagrined, reverses his policy in + accordance with the advice tendered. When the <i>Daily Pumpkin</i> informs + GRANT that the people are disappointed in him, he simply smokes. + </p> + <hr /> + <div> + <b>Very Fishy!</b> + </div> + <p> + An English exchange speaks of the Emperor of Russia as "a queer fish." + Must we infer from this that he is a Czar-dine? + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <img src="images/pnv1n3_p12s.gif" alt="Emily and pastor" /> + </p> + <p> + <b>RATHER A HARD HIT.</b><br /> <i>Emily, (in conflict with the new + Parson.)</i> "THAT FASHIONS MAY BE CARRIED TO EXTREMES, I ADMIT; BUT + WOMEN, AT LEAST, TRY TO DISPLAY <i>their</i> PHRENOLOGICAL DEVELOPMENTS TO + THE BEST ADVANTAGE." + </p> + <hr /> + <div> + <h3> + HIGH CHURCH AND LOW CHURCH. + </h3> + </div> + <p> + We are frequently asked what is the difference between High Church and Low + Church? + </p> + <p> + We inquired of a Low Churchman for his definition of a High Churchman. + </p> + <p> + Well, said he, a High Churchman is a——Well, he is a——Well, + I should say he was a——Well, hang me, he is a——a + High Old Pharisee. + </p> + <p> + We next inquired of a High Churchman what made a brother Low Churchman? + </p> + <p> + Well, he is a——Well, I say he is a——Well, some + people call him a——Yes, he is a——Well, he is a + darned Low Pharisee. + </p> + <p> + We hope our efforts in getting at the truth are eminently satisfactory to + all interested, as they are to us. + </p> + <hr /> + <div> + <b>A Seasonable Hint.</b> + </div> + <p> + One of the correspondents speaks of being ushered into the august presence + of the President. April presence would have been the more appropriate + expression—not to say First of April presence. + </p> + <hr /> + <div> + <b>"The Long, Long, Weary Day."</b> + </div> + <p> + The Philadelphia <i>Day</i>. + </p> + <hr /> + <div> + <h3> + WEATHER PROPHECIES FOR MAY. + </h3> + </div> + <p> + About the first of the month look out for squalls and damp weather. The + sun's rays may be warm, but the beefsteak will be cold. There will be more + or less cloudy days throughout the month—especially more. If the + mornings are not foggy, they will be clear—that is, if the almanacs + are not steeped to the covers in deceit. If we prophesy pleasant weather, + and it should prove stormy and disagreeable, you can have redress by + calling at the office of PUNCHINELLO. + </p> + <hr /> + <div> + <h3> + GREELEY ON BAILEY. + </h3> + </div> + <p> + The <i>Tribune</i> extenuates the defalcations of Collector BAILEY, on the + ground that "he fought the crowd" (other revenue defaulters) "zealously, + effectively, persistently," etc. Suppose that Mr. GREELEY, while pursuing + his wild career in the dire places of the city, should fall in with a gang + of pickpockets, and get hustled. Suppose that a strong fellow came along + and drove away the thieves. Suppose that the strong fellow then "went + through" Mr. GREELEY, and eased him of his purse, watch, and magnificent + diamond jewelry. Would Mr. GREELEY extenuate the outrage because the + strong fellow had previously "fought the crowd zealously, effectively, + persistently"? + </p> + <hr /> + <div> + <b>California Bank Ring.</b> + </div> + <p> + The California Bank went back on the greenbacks. Congress, being not so + green, went back on the California Bank Ring. It was not a Ring of the + true metal. + </p> + <hr /> + <div> + <b>In Vino, etc.</b> + </div> + <p> + Wine merchants should never advertise. "Good Wine needs no Push." + </p> + <hr /> + <div> + <b>INTERESTING TO BONE-BOILERS.</b> + </div> + <p> + Comparative osteology has ever been a favorite study with PUNCHINELLO in + his lighter hours. He loves to compare a broiled bone with a devilled + bone, and thinks them both good; but he fails to hit upon an adequate + comparison for the boiled bones that poison the air of certain city + localities with their concentrated stenches. Why don't the Health + Inspectors make a descent upon the boilers of bones, and Bone their + boilers? + </p> + <hr /> + <div> + <b>"Jersey Lightning"</b> + </div> + <p> + That most of the so-called foreign wines sold here are made in New-Jersey, + is proved by the strong Bergen-dy flavor possessed by them. + </p> + <hr /> + <div> + <b>Sutro the Dore(r).</b> + </div> + <p> + Sutro, having bored Congress to grant him a royalty on all the ore taken + out of the Comstock lode, now proposes to bore the Nevada mountains. He + says there are loads of silver in that lode. The principal metal thus far + shown by SUTRO is native brass. SUTRUO asks only the Letter of the law—the + royal—T. + </p> + <hr /> + <div> + <b>Query.</b> + </div> + <p> + Does it follow that a FREAR charter will secure a Freer municipal + election? + </p> + <hr /> + <h3> + BOOK NOTICES. + </h3> + <p> + A BATTLE OF THE BOOKS. Edited and published by GAIL HAMILTON. New York: + HURD & HOUGHTON. + </p> + <p> + A regular equinoctial Gail goes whirling and tearing through tin leaves of + this smart book. Its aim is to riddle and rip up the system by which + certain publishing houses crush authors, and defraud them of their proper + dues. The book is written with spirit, and has been issued in a very + attractive form by the Riverside Press. + </p> + <p> + HANS BRETTMANN IN CHURCH, WITH OTHER NEW BALLADS. By CHARLES G. LELAND. + Philadelphia: T.B. PETERSON & BROTHERS. + </p> + <p> + Mr. LELAND, so well known as one of the most learned of our German + scholars, has made a specialty of the character known in this country as a + "Dutchman." The little volume under notice, which has been very tastefully + set forth by Messrs. PETERSON, contains much amusing matter, couched in + that queer compound of German and English in the manufacture of which Mr. + LELAND excels. + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + We are indebted to Messrs. GURNEY & SON for a number of photographs of + public characters, executed in the best manner of the art. The "mugs" + issued by Messrs. GURNEY are quite equal, if not superior, to that most + celebrated of all mugs, the "Holy Grail." + </p> + <hr /> + <div> + <h3> + CONDENSED CONGRESS. + </h3> + </div> + <div> + SENATE. + </div> + <p> + <img src="images/pnv1n3_p13s.gif" alt="'A'" /> ction in Congress has not + been very lively of late. It is Lent; and the exhilarating sort of + entertainment provided by the "high requiem" of a SUMNER, or the wild + warbling of a DRAKE, is considered to be unseasonable. The Senate is not a + faster, though Senator SUMMER'S tongue goes faster than any body else's in + it; nor yet a prayer, though Senator YATES is undeniably Prairie in his + oratory; but it is a humiliation. As Lord ASHBURNHAM well remarked when he + saw it in its fresh hey-day, we may repeat in its old salt-hay-day, "'Pon + mee sole, uno, it is a pudding-headed lot of duffers." + </p> + <p> + PUNCHINELLO finds nothing to make his weekly abstract and brief chronicle + of this asylum for elderly and uninteresting lunatics about without making + it too weakly. In the language of Bishop POTTER, when asked by the Rev. + Dr. DIX what he would do in the event of a heart turning up, "I'll pass" + to— + </p> + <div> + THE HOUSE, + </div> + <p> + which never fails to amuse and instruct. Mr. COX has been making a + shocking speech about the tariff. Mr. COX remarked that he once thought + there was nothing like it. But I have been travelling about since, he + said, with a summer-mote in my own buck eye in search of Winter Sunbeams + in my Corsican brother's. I have been in Corsica, and of Corsican find a + parallel of the latitude of this tariff in the leg ends of the robbers, by + which I do not mean the ankles of the Forty Thieves, whom I had the + pleasure of seeing in company with my "constituents of the Sixth + Congressional District of the City of New-York. " Well, then, there was a + robber in Corsica of the name of PELEG HIGGINS, who found that his + business in the Robbin Rednest line was suffering from the opposition of + several other robbers in the neighbor and robbin' hood, who "went through" + his victims, to use an expressive phrase common among my constituents, + before he had his chance. PELEG thereupon went to the priest of the + parish, who assessed the sins of the robbers of that vicinity, and offered + him half the proceeds of his future crimes if he would increase his tariff + of penances on the opposition firms. The priest drew up a schedule of the + Whole Duties of Man. It was practically prohibitory on murders, and + robberies were assessed from sixty to eighty per cent <i>ad valorem</i>. + The other robbers remonstrated. The priest said he would protect his + parishioners. PELEG is now very much respected, and owns an iron and log + rolling establishment. The other robbers were driven out of the business. + That, Mr. COX said, was the origin of the Protective Tariff. + </p> + <p> + Mr. KELLEY wished to know how much British Gold Mr. COX had received for + his infamous harangue. As for him, he was bound to protect his + constituents (Mr. COX, "Parishioners;" and laughter on the Democratic, or + other, side of Mr. KELLEY'S mouth.) As to the charge that he was behind + the age, it was absurd. Every Philadelphian knew that nobody could be + behind the Age. He advocated the principle expressed by the Pennsylvanian + bard, + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + You tickle me and<br /> I'll tickle you. + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + Mr. LOGAN said the army ought to be reduced; and he treated with scorn + General SHERMAN'S intimation that it ought not to be reduced. General + SHERMAN had once told him that there was a Major-General whom the army + could spare. He (LOGAN) was a Major-General at the time. He did not know + whom General SHERMAN meant. He did not see the use of the regular army, or + of West-Point. In his State a man could get along just as well without + knowing any thing; and what was the sense of teaching officers? The more + they knew, the more they wanted to know. Give them an inch, and they would + take an ell. He didn't know what an ell an ell was, and he didn't want to. + He was willing to provide a staff, but not a crutch. + </p> + <p> + Mr. SLOCUM said he hoped it was not unparliamentary to observe that the + gentleman who preceded him didn't know what he was talking about. The + French staff is larger than our staff. So is the British United Service + Club. So is the Irish shillelagh. If the reductions proposed were carried + "out," the staff would stick at nothing. The arms of the service might get + on without a staff, but how about the legs. + </p> + <div> + <b>Allurements of the Period.</b> + </div> + <p> + Novelty and nakedness are the elements to which modern managers of plays + and shows chiefly look for success. A new song, the name if which it is + unnecessary to give, has brought fresh fame and renewed fortune to the + proprietors of a celebrated minstrel theatre. Legs have contributed their + might to fill the coffers of some of our leading theatrical managers—legs + of the feminine gender, with much display about them, but no drapery. Thus + it will be seen that New Ditty in the one case, and Nudity in the other, + have taken the great public by the forelock and led it to where the + minstrels gesticulate, and the legs and footlights quiver. And now the + "lower animals" are touched by the whim of the period, a leading + attraction on the bills of the Circus being an equestrian performance with + "four naked horses." + </p> + <hr /> + <div> + <b>Sartorial.</b> + </div> + <p> + A TAYLOR carried through the Mexican war; a DRAPER writes the history of + the civil war. Drapers and Taylors such as these understand how to mend + national Breaches. + </p> + <hr /> + <div> + <b>A Fatal Technicality.</b> + </div> + <p> + "Wimming" have their rights in Wyoming; but then Wyoming can never become + "Woming" Territory. And what's to prevent it? Y, don't you see?—that + letter won't let her. + </p> + <hr /> + <div> + <h3> + BROADBRIM TO ABORIGINE. + </h3> + </div> + <blockquote> + <p> + Friend PIEGAN! with the war-paint on thy cheek,<br /> I am thy friend; + pray listen, then, to me—<br /> Nay, do not scalp me!—may a + Friend not speak?<br /> Put up thy knife: I draw no knife on thee.<br /> + <br /> Friend PIEGAN! can thee count the forest leaves?<br /> For every + leaf, thee counts a Pale Face too!<br /> Full many strokes the Red Man + now receives:<br /> But, PIEGAN friend, what can the Red Man do?<br /> + <br /> The Small-Pox and the Fever strike him down;<br /> The White Man is + his foe: he cannot live!<br /> For the Great Spirit tells him, with a + frown,<br /> All men shall perish that will not forgive!<br /> <br /> The + Pale Face has been here? thy child is killed?<br /> But little scales are + hanging to thy belt!<br /> Say, when thy father's heart with wrath was + filled,<br /> Did not thee know how thy White Brother felt?<br /> <br /> + Now, PIEGAN friend! thee has enough of war!<br /> Bury the hatchet, and + thy arrows break;<br /> Wait for the Happy Hunting Grounds afar—<br /> + A Reservation that they cannot take! + </p> + </blockquote> + <hr /> + <div> + <b>The Latest from Albany.</b> + </div> + <p> + 'All O.K. till December. + </p> + <hr /> + <div> + <b>Up and Down.</b> + </div> + <p> + The almost universal cry, "Down with the taxes!" is inconsistent in one + sense, because if taxes were Down, they would certainly be extremely + light. + </p> + <hr /> + <div> + <b>Running and Reid-in.</b> + </div> + <p> + And now MAYNE REID is announced as having a lecture on BYRON. At this rate + we shall soon have BYRON'S memory embalmed in Stowe-Reid greatness. + </p> + <hr /> + <div> + <b>Good Roaming Catholics.</b> + </div> + <p> + The Sisters of Charity. + </p> + <hr /> + <div> + <h3> + A VISIT TO "SHERIDAN'S RIDE." + </h3> + </div> + <div> + PHILADELPHIA, March 26, 1870. + </div> + <p> + DEAR PUNCHINELLO: + </p> + <p> + Taking my way along Chestnut Street a few days since, I found my progress + arrested at Tenth Street by a great current of humanity, that swept with + resistless force into the entrance to the Academy of Fine Arts. + </p> + <p> + I, too, entered, and, passing around the familiar group of the "Centaurs + and Lapithæ," which stands beneath the dome, was hurried + breathlessly onward by the throng, until I found myself face to face with + that <i>chef-d'oeuvre</i> of modern art, T. BUCHANAN READ'S painting of + "SHERIDAN'S Ride." + </p> + <p> + Give the reins to your imagination, now, (a little horse-talk is + appropriate here,) and behold one thousand men and women, of refined and + cultivated tastes, doing tearful homage to the genius of the great + Poetaster—pardon me, Mr. T.B.R., Poet-artist was what I meant to + have said. + </p> + <p> + From these my critical orbs now wandered to the painting; from the + painting to PUGH, (the astute "engineer" of the "show,") and then to the + painting again. "What drawing!" remarked I. (PUGH smiled, and glanced + approvingly at the audience.) "There is much freedom and boldness in it," + continued I. "It is very broad, rich in color, and—" "In a word," + interrupted a friend of mine, whose grandfather was a Frenchman, "full of + <i>chic</i>!" (PUGH blushed.) + </p> + <p> + Admirable and truthful, indeed, is the expression imparted by the artist + to the fleet General who suddenly became famous by being Twenty Miles away + from the Post of Duty! + </p> + <p> + The flashing eye; the close-cut military style of the hair; the fierce + moustache; the row of three buttons marking exalted grade; the vigorous + yet graceful movement of the sword-arm, and the cap disappearing in the + distance, indicative of the remarkable time making by the "horsenman"—all + these are admirable points in the picture, and worthy of being closely + studied by the student of Art. + </p> + <p> + As I gazed, a shock-headed young man, with a very red nose, whom I at once + recognized as a student of the Life Class, sneeringly observed that the + "flourish of the sword smelt a little of the foot-lights." (Artists are + ever jealous.) + </p> + <p> + It is easy to see that the clever painter of "SHERIDAN'S Ride" has meaning + in the flourish of the sabre. It indicates that his fleet hero uses the + weapon, not to "fright the souls of fearful adversaries," but to + accelerate with frequent whacks the speed of his heroic charger. The horse + has observable points, too, and especially one that might be called by the + superficial critic "faulty drawing." I refer to the extraordinary + fore-shortening—if the expression is in this case allowable—of + that part of the animal which extends from the saddle backward. In this, + again, there is a touch of nature that genius only can impart. For what is + more conceivable than that the hinder parts of the heroic steed might have + been cut away by an unlucky slash with the edge of the sabre? There is + precedent for this. Every schoolboy can recall a similar accident which + befell the horse of MUNCHAUSEN as he dashed beneath the descending + portcullis. And, as from that famous steed's hind-quarters there sprang an + arborescent shelter, so, also, as a result of SHERIDAN'S "scrub race," do + laurels shade that hero's brows. + </p> + <p> + My views of the cause of this fore-shortening are enforced when I state + that there is a fine atmospheric effect about the horse's tail, which + seems to indicate that it was considerably in the rear. + </p> + <p> + There can be no greater tribute to the powers of the artist, or the worth + of the heroic "horsenman," than the crowds which daily, in these + heretofore silent and hallowed precincts, "wake the echoes with sounds of + praise." + </p> + <p> + Yonder is "Death on the Pale Horse." As I gazed, Death smiled with + approval at "SHERIDAN'S Ride," and the stony figure of GERMANICUS "leant + upon his sword and wiped away a tear."... + </p> + <p> + Suddenly a pistol-shot rang through the vaulted aisles, and, amid the + shouts of men and shrieks of affrighted women, I ascertained that a daring + rebel, (one EARLY,) moved by the wondrous fidelity of the picture, had + drawn a revolver, and fired at the "counterfeit presentment" of the man + who had humbled him at Winchester. + </p> + <p> + Amid the confusion, a manly voice shouted, "Three cheers for the Hero of + Winchester!" + </p> + <p> + "That's Wright!" yelled the shock-headed young man with the red nose.... + </p> + <p> + Then I left the scene, pondering as I went, "What manner of painter is + this, who can so deftly limn the features of a hero as to draw tears from + his worshippers and bullets from his foes?" And, as I pondered, that + abstruse conundrum of CHURCH, the artist, came to my mind: "What if, after + all, READ, your brush should steal the laurels from your pen?" + </p> + <p> + "What," indeed? + </p> + <div> + CHROMO. + </div> + <hr /> + <p> + <img src="images/pnv1n3_p14s.gif" + alt="Charlie shows his little brother how its done" /> + </p> + <p> + CHARLEY, WHO HAS HAD HIS HAIR DRESSED AT THE BARBER'S, SHOWS HIS LITTLE + BROTHER, WITH THE AID OF THE CRUET-STAND, HOW IT IS DONE. + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <b>A Long Look-out.</b> + </p> + <p> + The dome on the new court-house is expected to be completed by Domesday. + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <b>Appropriate.</b> + </p> + <p> + Lester Wallack has his "Tayleure" travelling with him during his + "starring" trip. + </p> + <hr /> + <h3> + "PLEASE THE PIGS." + </h3> + <p> + Foreign Pig, we observe, furnishes a topic just now for writers in the + daily papers. IRON-ically speaking, pig, in the sense referred to, means a + lump of metal; but the <i>World</i> of March 26th has an accidental, + though none the less curious, "cross-reading," which brings foreign pig + directly into contact with domestic. It says, (the <i>World</i>, not the + pig.) + </p> + <p> + "Protected foreign pig in New-York, $32." + </p> + <p> + Precisely on a line with this, in the next column, appears the following. + </p> + <p> + "What between hogs and policemen, drunken women are being rapidly + exterminated in Philadelphia." + </p> + <p> + The <i>World's</i> cross-reading is a capital one, bringing the pigs + together nicely, and suggesting the following remarks: + </p> + <p> + "Protected foreign pig in New-York, $32," very aptly applies to the + gangs of imported burglars and ruffians of all sorts who run riot in our + midst, and who can generally insure the "protection" of the police by a <i>douceur</i> + so paltry even as $32. + </p> + <p> + Such hybrids as Philadelphia drunken women, "between hogs and policemen," + must be extremely disagreeable objects, and we are glad to learn that they + are nearly extinct. Here we are much worse off. Rowdy characters, that may + well be compared to "hogs," but are not often to be seen "between + policemen," are far too plentiful in New-York, and the sooner they are + "exterminated" the better. + </p> + <hr /> + <div> + <b>By a Broom.</b> + </div> + <p> + Nassau street is in such a filthy condition as to suggest a change of its + name to Nausea Street. + </p> + <hr /> + <div> + <b>Radical Ames.</b> + </div> + <p> + To be Military Commander, and then United States Senator from Mississippi. + </p> + <hr /> + <div> + <h2> + A.T. Stewart & Co. + </h2> + HAVE + <h2> + OPENED THEIR STORE, + </h2> + <b>COVERING THE ENTIRE SQUARE</b> + <p> + BOUNDED BY + </p> + <h3> + BROADWAY,<br /> Fourth Avenue, Ninth and Tenth<br /> Streets, + </h3> + <p> + AND ARE<br /> DAILY REPLENISHING ALL THE VARIOUS STOCKS<br /> WITH + </p> + <h3> + <b>ELEGANT NOVELTIES,</b> + </h3> + <b>Imported and Selected Expressly for the<br /> Occasion.</b> + </div> + <hr /> + <div> + <h2> + A.T. Stewart & Co. + </h2> + <p> + HAVE OPENED + </p> + <b>5 Cases Extra Quality</b> <i><b>FRENCH PLAID BAREGES,</b></i> + <h3> + Only 25 cents per Yard. + </h3> + <p> + ALSO + </p> + <h2> + FRENCH AND IRISH POPLINS, + </h2> + <p> + PARIS MADE + </p> + <b>SILK FOULARDS AND BAREGE</b> + <h2> + <b>DRESSES,</b> + </h2> + <p> + SOME VERY ELEGANT. + </p> + <h2> + Ladies' Paris-Made Hats, Bonnets, Feathers, Flowers, etc. + </h2> + —— + <h3> + BROADWAY, Fourth Ave., Ninth and Tenth Sts. + </h3> + </div> + <hr /> + <div> + <h3> + <b>Extraordinary Bargains</b> + </h3> + IN + <h2> + <b>C A R P E T S .</b> + </h2> + <h2> + ——<br /> A.T. Stewart & Co. + </h2> + <p> + ARE OFFERING + </p> + <p> + <b>5 Frame English Brussels at $2 per Yard. Tapestry English Brussels at + $1.50 per Yd. Velvets at $2.50 and $2.75 per Yard. Royal Wiltons at + $2.50 and $3 per Yard. Moquettes and Axminsters at $3.50 and $4.</b> + </p> + <h3> + <b>INGRAINS, THREE-PLYS, Etc.,</b> + </h3> + <p> + AT GREAT REDUCED PRICES. + </p> + <h3> + <b>ELEGANT NOVELTIES</b> + </h3> + <p> + RECEIVED BY EVERY STEAMER. + </p> + <h3> + BROADWAY,<br /> Fourth Avenue, and Tenth Street. + </h3> + </div> + <hr /> + <p> + <i>The two great objects of a learner's ambition ought to be to speak a + foreign language idiomatically, and to pronounce it correctly; and these + are the objects which are most carefully provided for in the</i> MASTERY + SYSTEM. + </p> + <div> + <h3> + ———<br /> <b>The Mastery of Languages;</b> + </h3> + OR, + <h3> + THE ART OF SPEAKING LANGUAGES<br /> IDIOMATICALLY. + </h3> + <p> + BY THOMAS PRENDERGAST, + </p> + <b><i>I. Hand-Book of the Mastery Series.<br /> II. The Mastery Series. + French.<br /> III. The Mastery Series. German.<br /> IV. The Mastery Series. + Spanish.</i></b> + <p> + PRICE 50 CENTS EACH. + </p> + <i>From Professor E.M. Gallaudet, of the National Deaf Mute College.</i> + </div> + <p> + "The results which crowned the labor of the first week were so astonishing + that he fears to detail them fully, lest doubts should be raised as to his + credibility. But this much he does not hesitate to claim, that, after a + study of less than two weeks, he was able to sustain conversation in the + newly-acquired language a great variety of subjects." + </p> + <div> + <h3> + <b>FROM THE ENGLISH PRESS.</b> + </h3> + </div> + <p> + "The principle may be explained in a line—it is first learning the + language, and then studying the grammar, and then learning (or trying to + learn) the language."—<i>Morning Star</i>. + </p> + <p> + "We know that there are some who have given Mr. Prendergast's plan a + trial, and discovered that in a few weeks its results had surpassed all + their expectations."—<i>Record</i>. + </p> + <p> + "A week's patient trial of the French Manual has convinced us that the + method is sound."—<i>Papers for the Schoolmaster</i>. + </p> + <p> + "The simplicity and naturalness of the system are obvious."—<i>Herald</i> + (Birmingham.) + </p> + <p> + "We know of no other plan which will infallibly lead to the result in a + reasonable time."—<i>Norfolk News</i>. + </p> + <div> + <h3> + <b>FROM THE AMERICAN PRESS.</b> + </h3> + </div> + <p> + "The system is as near as can be to the one in which a child learns to + talk."—<i>Troy Whig</i>. + </p> + <p> + "We would advise all who are about to begin the study of languages to give + it a trial."—<i>Rochester Democrat</i>. + </p> + <p> + "For European travellers this volume is invaluable."—<i>Worcester + Spy</i>. + </p> + <p> + Either of the above volumes sent by mail free to any part of the United + States on receipt of price. + </p> + <div> + <h3> + <b>D. APPLETON & CO., Publishers,</b><br /> 90, 92, and 94 Grand + Street, New-York. + </h3> + </div> + <hr /> + <h2> + <b>RED AS A ROSE IS SHE.</b> + </h2> + <p> + <b><i>Third Edition.</i></b> + </p> + <h3> + D. APPLETON & CO.,<br /> 90, 92, AND 94 Grand Street, + </h3> + <p> + Have now ready the Third Edition of + </p> + <h2> + <b>RED AS A ROSE IS SHE.</b> + </h2> + <p> + By the Author of "Cometh up as a Flower." + </p> + <h3> + 1 Vol. 8vo. Paper Covers, 60 cents. + </h3> + <div> + From the New-York <i>Evening Express</i>. + </div> + <p> + "This is truly a charming novel; for half its contents breathe the very + odor of the flower it takes as its title." + </p> + <div> + From the Philadelphia <i>Inquirer</i>. + </div> + <p> + "The author can and does write well; the descriptions of scenery are + particularly effective, always graphic, and never overstrained." + </p> + <div> + D.A. & Co. have just published:<br /> A SEARCH FOR WINTER SUNBEAMS IN + THE RIVIERA, CORSICA, ALGIERS, AND SPAIN.<br /> By Hon. S.S. Cox. + Illustrated. Price, $3.<br /> REPTILES AND BIRDS: A POPULAR ACCOUNT OF + THEIR VARIOUS ORDERS, WITH A DESCRIPTION OF THE HABITS AND ECONOMY OF THE + MOST INTERESTING.<br /> By Louis Figuier. Illustrated with 307 wood-cuts. 1 + vol. 8vo. $6.<br /> HEREDITARY GENIUS: AN INQUIRY INTO ITS LAWS AND + CONSEQUENCES.<br /> By Francis Galton. 1 vol. 8vo. $3.50.<br /> HAND-BOOK OF + THE MASTERY SERIES OF LEARNING LANGUAGES.<br /> I. THE HAND-BOOK OF THE + MASTERY SERIES.<br /> II. THE MASTERY SERIES, FRENCH.<br /> III. THE + MASTER SERIES, SPANISH.<br /> Price, 50 cents each.<br /> —— + </div> + <p> + Either of the above sent free by mail to any address on receipt of the + price. + </p> + <hr /> + <div> + <h3> + BURCH'S + </h3> + <h2> + <b>Merchant's Restaurant</b> + </h2> + <p> + and + </p> + <h3> + <b>DINING-ROOM,</b> + </h3> + <p> + <b>310 BROADWAY,</b> + </p> + <p> + BETWEEN PEARL AND DUANE STREETS. + </p> + </div> + <p> + <i><b>Breakfast from 7 to 10 A.M.<br /> Lunch and Dinner from 12 to 3 + P.M.<br /> Supper from 4 to 7 P.M.</b></i> + </p> + <h3> + <b>M.C. BURCH of New-York.</b> + </h3> + <h3> + <b> A. STOW, of Alabama.</b> + </h3> + <h3> + <b>H.A. CARTER, of Massachusetts.</b> + </h3> + <hr /> + <div> + <h2> + HENRY I. STEPHENS,<br /> ARTIST, + </h2> + <b>No. 160 Fulton Street,</b> + </div> + <div> + <b>NEW-YORK.</b> + </div> + <hr /> + <div> + <h3> + <b>Important to Newsdealers!</b> + </h3> + <p> + ALL ORDERS FOR + </p> + <h2> + <b>PUNCHINELLO</b> + </h2> + <p> + Will be supplied by + </p> + <p> + OUR SOLE AND EXCLUSIVE AGENTS, + </p> + <h2> + <b>American News Co.</b> + </h2> + <b>NEW-YORK.</b> + </div> + <hr /> + <div> + <h2> + J. NICKINSON + </h2> + BEGS TO ANNOUNCE TO THE FRIENDS OF + <h2> + <b>"PUNCHINELLO"</b> + </h2> + <p> + RESIDING IN THE COUNTRY, THAT, + </p> + <h3> + FOR THEIR CONVENIENCE + </h3> + <p> + HE HAS MADE ARRANGEMENTS BY WHICH, ON RECEIPT OF THE PRICE OF + </p> + <h3> + <b>ANY STANDARD BOOK PUBLISHED,</b> + </h3> + <p> + THE SAME WILL BE FORWARDED, POSTAGE PAID. + </p> + </div> + <p> + Parties desiring Catalogues of any of our Publishing Houses can have the + same forwarded by inclosing two stamps. + </p> + <p> + OFFICE OF + </p> + <div> + <h3> + <b>PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO.,<br /> 83 Nassau Street.</b> + </h3> + <p> + [P.O. Box 2783.] + </p> + </div> + <hr /> + <p> + <img src="images/pnv1n3_p16s.gif" alt="'Boss' Tweed" /> + </p> + <div> + ALARMING APPARITION OF SACHEM TWEED, TO A COMMITTEE OF THE YOUNG + DEMOCRACY. + </div> + <p> + <b><i>(Commissioner McLean was the only one of the fugitives our Artist + could catch, the rest having vanished around the corner.)</i></b> + </p> + <hr /> + <div> + <h2> + <b>Harper's Periodicals.</b> + </h2> + <h3> + <b>Magazine. Weekly. Bazar.</b> + </h3> + <p> + <b><em>Subscription Price, $4 per year each. $10 for the three.</em></b> + </p> + </div> + <p> + An Extra Copy of either the MAGAZINE, WEEKLY, or BAZAR will be supplied + gratis for every Club of Five Subscribers at $4 each, in one remittance; + or Six Copies for $20. + </p> + <hr /> + <h3> + <b>HARPER'S CATALOGUE</b> + </h3> + <p> + May be obtained gratuitously on application to Harper & Brothers + personally, or by letter, inclosing six cents in postage-stamps. + </p> + <p> + <i><b>HARPER & BROTHERS, New-York.</b></i> + </p> + <hr /> + <div> + <h2> + BOWLING GREEN SAVINGS-BANK + </h2> + <h3> + 33 BROADWAY, + </h3> + <h3> + <b>NEW-YORK.</b> + </h3> + <p> + ——— + </p> + <i><b>Open Every Day from 10 A.M. to 3 P.M.</b></i> + <p> + ——— + </p> + <b>Deposits of any sum, from Ten Cents to Ten Thousand Dollars, will be + received.</b> + <p> + ——— + </p> + <h3> + Six Per Cent Interest, Free of Government Tax. + </h3> + <p> + ——— + </p> + <h3> + <b>INTEREST ON NEW DEPOSITS</b> + </h3> + <b>Commences on the first of every month.</b> + </div> + <p> + HENRY SMITH, <i>President.</i><br /> BEEVES B. SELMES, <i>Secretary.</i><br /> + WALTER ROCHE, ) <i>Vice Presidents.</i><br /> EDWARD HOGAN. ) + </p> + <hr /> + <div> + <h3> + PUNCHINELLO: + </h3> + <h2> + TERMS TO CLUBS. + </h2> + ———— + <h3> + WE OFFER AS PREMIUMS FOR CLUBS + </h3> + FIRST:<br /> <b>DANA BICKFORD'S PATENT FAMILY SPINNER,</b> + </div> + <p> + The most complete and desirable machine ever yet introduced for spinning + purposes. + </p> + <div> + SECOND:<br /> <b>BICKFORD'S CROCHET AND FANCY WORK MACHINES.</b> + </div> + <p> + These beautiful little machines are very fascinating, as well as useful; + and every lady should have one, as they can make every conceivable kind of + crochet or fancy work upon them. + </p> + <div> + THIRD:<br /> <b>BICKFORD'S AUTOMATIC FAMILY KNITTER.</b> + </div> + <p> + This is the most perfect and complete machine in the world. It knits every + thing. + </p> + <div> + FOURTH:<br /> <b>AMERICAN BUTTONHOLE, OVERSEAMING, AND SEWING-MACHINE.</b> + </div> + <p> + This great combination machine is the last and greatest improvement on all + former machines. No. 1. with finely finished Oiled Walnut Table and Cover, + complete, price, $75. No. 2, same machine without the button hole parts, + etc., price, $60. + </p> + <div> + WE WILL SEND THE + </div> + <p> + Family Spinner, price, $8, for 4 subscribers and $16.<br /> No. 1 Crochet, + price, $8, for 4 subscribers and $16.<br /> No. 2 Crochet, price, $15, for + 6 subscribers and $24.<br /> No. 1 Automatic Knitter, 72 needles, price, + $30, for 12 subscribers and $48.<br /> No. 2 Automatic Knitter, 84 needles, + price, $33, for 13 subscribers and $52.<br /> No. 3 Automatic Knitter, 100 + needles, price $37, for 15 subscribers and $60.<br /> No. 4 Automatic + Knitter, 2 cylinders, 1 72 needles, 1 100 needles, price $ 40, for 16 + subscribers and $64.<br /> No. 1. American Buttonhole and Overseaming + Machine, price, $75, for 20 subscribers and $120. <br /> No. 1. American + Buttonhole and Overseaming Machine, without buttonhole parts, etc., price + $60, for 25 subscribers and $100.<br /> + </p> + <div> + <h3> + <b>Descriptive Circulars</b> + </h3> + </div> + <p> + Of all these machines will be sent upon application to this office, and + full instructions for working them will be sent to purchasers. + </p> + <p> + Parties getting up Clubs preferring cash to premiums, may deduct + seventy-five cents upon each full subscription sent for four subscribers + and upward, and after the first remittance for four subscribers may send + single names as they obtain them, deducting the commission. + </p> + <p> + Remittances should be made in Post-Office Orders, Bank Checks, or Drafts + on New-York City; or if these cannot be obtained, then by Registered + Letters, which any post-master will furnish. Charges on money sent by + express must be prepaid, or the net amount only will be credited. + </p> + <p> + Directions for shipping machines must be full and explicit, to prevent + error. In sending subscriptions give address, with Town, County, and + State. The postage on this paper will be twenty cents per year, payable + quarterly in advance, at the place where it is received. Subscribers in + the British Provinces will remit twenty cents in addition to subscription. + </p> + <p> + All communications, remittances, etc., to be addressed to: + </p> + <div> + <h3> + PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY<br /> P.O. Box 2783. No. 83 Nassau Street,<br /> + New-York. + </h3> + </div> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Punchinello, Vol. 1, No. 3, April 16, +1870, by Various + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCHINELLO, APRIL 16, 1870 *** + +***** This file should be named 9549-h.htm or 9549-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/9/5/4/9549/ + +Produced by Cornell University, Joshua Hutchinson, Ronald +Holder and the Online Distributed Proofreaders + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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