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diff --git a/9549.txt b/9549.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e202c27 --- /dev/null +++ b/9549.txt @@ -0,0 +1,2618 @@ +Project Gutenberg's Punchinello, Vol. 1, No. 3, April 16, 1870, by Various + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Punchinello, Vol. 1, No. 3, April 16, 1870 + +Author: Various + +Posting Date: January 18, 2013 [EBook #9549] +Release Date: December, 2005 +First Posted: October 8, 2003 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCHINELLO, APRIL 16, 1870 *** + + + + +Produced by Cornell University, Joshua Hutchinson, Ronald +Holder and the Online Distributed Proofreaders + + + + + + + + + + + +"The printing House of the United States." + + +GEO. F. NESBITT & CO., + + +General JOB PRINTERS, BLANK BOOK Manufacturers, STATIONERS, Wholesale +and Retail, LITHOGRAPHIC Engravers and Printers, COPPER-PLATE Engravers +and Printers, CARD Manufacturers, ENVELOPE Manufacturers, FINE CUT and +COLOR Printers. + + +163, 165, 167, and 169 PEARL ST., 73, 75, 77, and 79 PINE ST., New-York. + + +ADVANTAGES. All on the same premises, and under the immediate +supervision of the proprietors. + + + * * * * * + +WALTHAM WATCHES. + +3-4 PLATE. + +16 and 20 Sizes. + +To the manufacture of these fine Watches the Company have devoted all +the science and skill in the art at their command, and confidently claim +that, for fineness and beauty, no less than for the greater excellences +of mechanical and scientific correctness of design and execution, these +watches are unsurpassed any where. + +In this country the manufacture of this fine grade of Watches is not +even attempted except at Waltham. + +FOR SALE BY ALL LEADING JEWELLERS. + + * * * * * + +MOLLER'S PUREST NORWEGIAN + +COD-LIVER OIL. + +"Of late years it has become almost impossible to get any Cod-Liver Oil +that patients can digest, owing to the objectionable mode of procuring +and preparing the livers.... Moller, of Christiana, Norway, prepares +an oil which is perfectly pure, and in every respect all that can be +wished."--DR. L.A. SATRE, before Academy of Medicine. See _Medical +Record_, December, 1869, p. 447. + +SOLD BY DRUGGISTS. + +W.H. SCHIEFFELIN & CO., + +Sole Agents for the United States and Canada. + + * * * * * + +Vol. 1 No. 3. + +PUNCHINELLO + +[Illustration: PUNCHINELLO Will Exhibit Every Saturday Admission 10 cts] + +SATURDAY, APRIL 16, 1870. + +PUBLISHED BY THE + +PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY, + + +83 NASSAU STREET, NEW-YORK. + +PUNCHINELLO. + +APRIL 16, 1870. + +APPLICATIONS FOR ADVERTISING IN + +"PUNCHINELLO" + +SHOULD BE ADDRESSED TO + +J. NICKINSON, + +Room No. 4, + +83 NASSAU STREET. + + * * * * * + +THE + +"BREWSTER WAGON." + +The Standard for Style and Quality. + +BREWSTER & COMPANY, + +of Broome Street. + +WAREROOMS, + +Fifth Avenue, corner of Fourteenth Street. + +ELEGANT CARRIAGES, + +_In all the Fashionable Varieties,_ + +EXCLUSIVELY OF OUR OWN BUILD. + + * * * * * + +Thomas J. Rayner & Co., + +29 LIBERTY STREET, + +New-York, + +MANUFACTURERS OF THE + +_Finest Cigars made in the United States._ All sizes and styles. Prices +very moderate. Samples sent to any responsible house. Also importers of +the + +"FUSROS" BRAND, + +Equal in quality to the best of the Havana market, and from ten to +twenty per cent cheaper. + +Restaurant, Bar, Hotel, and Saloon trade will save money by calling at + +20 LIBERTY STREET. + + * * * * * + +GEO. BOWLEND, + +ARTIST, + +Room No. 11, + +No. 160 FULTON STREET, + +NEW-YORK. + + * * * * * + +WEVILL & HAMMAR, Wood Engravers, + +No. 208 BROADWAY, + +NEW-YORK. + +PUNCHINELLO. + + * * * * * + +With a large and varied experience in the management and publication +of a paper of the class herewith submitted, and with the still more +positive advantage of an Ample Capital to justify the undertaking, the + +PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO. + +OF THE CITY OF NEW-YORK, + +Presents to the public for approval, the + +NEW ILLUSTRATED HUMOROUS AND SATIRICAL + +WEEKLY PAPER, + +PUNCHINELLO, + +The first number of which will be issued under date of April 2, 1870, +and thereafter weekly. + +PUNCHINELLO will be _National_, and not _local_; and will endeavor to +become a household word in all parts of the country; and to that end has +secured a + +VALUABLE CORPS OF CONTRIBUTORS + +in various sections of the Union, while its columns will always be open +to appropriate first-class literary and artistic talent. + +PUNCHINELLO will be entirely original; humorous and witty, without +vulgarity, and satirical without malice. It will be printed on a +superior tinted paper of sixteen pages, size 13 by 9, and will be for +sale by all respectable newsdealers who have the judgment to know a good +thing when they see it, or by subscription from this office. + +The Artistic department will be in charge of Henry L. Stephens, whose +celebrated cartoons in VANITY FAIR placed him in the front rank of +humorous artists, assisted by leading artists in their respective +specialties. + +The management of the paper will be in the hands of WILLIAM A. STEPHENS, +with whom is associated CHARLES DAWSON SHANLY, both of whom were +identified with VANITY FAIR. + +ORIGINAL ARTICLES, + +Suitable for the paper, and Original Designs, or suggestive ideas or +sketches for illustrations, upon the topics of the day, are always +acceptable, and will be paid for liberally. + +Rejected communications can not be returned, unless postage-stamps are +inclosed. + +Terms: + +One copy, per year, in advance $4 00 Single copies, ten cents. A +specimen copy will be mailed free upon the receipt of ten cents. One +copy, with the Riverside Magazine, or any other magazine or paper price, +$2.50, for 5 50 One copy, with any magazine or paper price, $4, for 7 00 + + * * * * * + +All communications, remittances, etc., to be addressed to + +PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO., + +No. 83 Nassau Street, + +NEW-YORK, + +P. O. Box, 2783. + +_(For terms to Clubs, see 16th page.)_ + +Mercantile Library, + +Clinton Hall, Astor Place, + +NEW-YORK. + +This is now the largest circulating Library in America, the number of +volumes on its shelves being 114,000. About 1000 volumes are added each +month; and very large purchases are made of all new and popular works. + +Books are delivered at members' residences for five cents each delivery. + +TERMS OF MEMBERSHIP: + +TO CLERKS, + +$1 Initiation, $3 Annual Dues. + +TO OTHERS, $5 a year. + +SUBSCRIPTIONS TAKEN FOR SIX MONTHS. + +BRANCH OFFICES + +AT + +NO. 76 CEDAR STREET, NEW-YORK, + +AND AT + +Yonkers, Norwalk, Stamford, and Elizabeth. + + * * * * * + +AMERICAN + +BUTTONHOLE, OVERSEAMING + +AND + +SEWING-MACHINE CO., + +563 Broadway, New-York. + +This great combination machine is the last and greatest improvement on +all former machines, making, in addition to all the work done on best +Lock-Stitch machines, beautiful + +BUTTON AND EYELET HOLES; + +in all fabrics. + +Machine, with finely finished + +OILED WALNUT TABLE AND COVER + +complete, $75. Same machine, without the buttonhole parts, $60. This +last is beyond all question the simplest, easiest to manage ant to keep +in order, of any machine in the market. Machines warranted, and full +instruction given to purchasers. + + * * * * * + +HENRY SPEAR + +STATIONER, PRINTER + +AND + +BLANK BOOK MANUFACTURER. + +ACCOUNT BOOKS + +MADE TO ORDER. + +PRINTING OF EVERY DESCRIPTION. + +82 Wall Street + +NEW-YORK. + +THE PLAYS AND SHOWS. + +FROU-FROU. + +[Illustration with letter 'T'] + +This nice little French drama has now been running at the FIFTH AVENUE +THEATRE more than seven weeks. It is the story of a man who killed the +seducer of his wife, and then forgave and received back again the guilty +woman. + +The same tragic farce was played in Washington some eleven years ago. +The actor who played the part of the outraged husband made an effective +hit at the time, but he has never repeated the performance. Since then +he has become a double-star actor in a wider field, There are those who +insist that he is an ill-starred actor in a general way; but as he has +left the country, we can leave those who regard his absence as a good +riddance of bad rubbish, and those who call it a Madriddance of good +rubbish, to discuss his merits at their leisure. + +After the execution of unnecessary quantities of noisy overture by the +orchestra, the play begins. Soon after, the audience arrives. It is a +rule with our play-goers never to see the first scene of any drama. +This rule originates in a benevolent wish to permit the actors to slide +gradually into a consciousness that somebody is looking at them; thus +saving them from the possibility of stage-fright. Simple folks, who do +not understand the meaning of the custom, erroneously regard it as an +evidence of vulgarity and discourtesy. + +The first act is not exciting. Mr. G.H. CLARKE, in irreproachable +clothes, (the clothes of this actor's professional life become him, if +any thing, better than his acting,) offers his hand to FROU-FROU, a +small girl with a reckless display of back-hair, and is accepted, to the +evident disgust of her sensible sister, LOUISE. + +_Sympathetic Young Lady who adores that dear Mr. Clarke_.--"How sweetly +pretty! Do the people on the stage talk just like the _real_ French +aristocracy?" + +_Travelled friend, knowing that persons in the neighborhood are +listening for his reply_--"Well, yes. To a certain extent, that is." +(_It suddenly occurring to him that nobody can know any thing about the +Legitimists, he says confidently_.) "They haven't the air, you know, of +the genuine old Legitimist _noblesse_. As to BONAPARTE'S nobility, I +don't know much about them." + +_He flatters himself that he has said a neat thing, but is posed by an +unexpected question from the Sympathetic Young Lady, who asks--_"Who are +the great Legitimist families, nowadays?" + +"Well, the--the--(_can't think of any name but St. Germain, and so says +boldly_,) the St. Germains, and all the rest of 'em, you know." (_He is +sorely tempted to add the St. Clouds and the Luxembourgs, but prudently +refrains_.) + +The second act shows the husband lavishing every sort of tenderness and +jewelry upon the wife, who is developing a strong tendency to flirt. +She insists that her sister LOUISE shall join the family and accept the +position of Acting Assistant Wife and Mother, while she herself gives +her whole mind to innocent flirtation. + +_Worldly-wise Matron of evident experience_--"The girl's a fool. Catch +me taking a pretty sister into my house!" + +_Brutal Husband of the Matron suggests_--"But she might have done so +much worse, my dear. Suppose she had given her husband a mother-in-law +as a housekeeper?" + +_Matron, with suppressed fury_--"Very well, my dear. If you can't +refrain from insulting dear mother, I shall leave you to sit out the +play alone." + +(_Sh--sh--sh! from every body. Curtain rises again_.) More attentions to +pretty wife, repaid by more flirtation at her husband's expense. Finally +FROU-FROU decides that LOUISE manages the household so admirably that +misery must be the result. As a necessary consequence of this logical +conclusion, she rushes out of the house with a gesture borrowed from RIP +VAN WINKLE, and an expressed determination to elope. + +_Jocular Man remarks_--"Now, then, CLARKE can go to Chicago, get a +divorce, and marry LOUISE." + +_This practical suggestion is warmly reprobated by the ladies who +overhear it, one of whom remarks with withering scorn_--"Some people +think it _so_ smart to ridicule every thing. To my mind there is nothing +more vulgar." + +_The Jocular Man, refusing to be withered, assures the Travelled Man +confidentially that_--"The play is frightful trash, and as for the +acting, why, your little milliner in the Rue de la Paix could give MISS +ETHEL any odds you please." (_Both look as though they remembered some +delightfully improper Parisian dissipation, and in consequence rise +rapidly in the estimation of the respectable ladies who are within +hearing_.) + +After the orchestra has given specimens of every modern composer, the +fourth act begins. FROU-FROU is found living at Venice with her lover. +Her husband surprises her. He is pale and weak; but, returning her the +amount of her dower, goes out to shoot the lover. + +_Rural Person announces as a startling discovery_--"That's Miss AGNES +ETHEL who's a-playin' FROW-FROW. Well, now, she ain't nothin' to LYDDY +THOMPSON." + +_Jocular Man says to his Travelled Friend_--"The idea of Miss ETHEL +trying to act like a French-woman! Did you hear how she pronounced +_Monsieur_?" + +_Travelled Man smiles weakly, conscious of the imperfections of his own +pronunciation. To his dismay, the Sympathetic Young Lady asks_--"What +does that horrid man mean? How do you pronounce the word he talks +about?" + +_Travelled Man, with desperation_--"It ought to be pronounced m--m--m--" +(_ending in an inaudible murmur_.) + +"What? I didn't quite hear." + +_The Travelled Man will catch at a straw. He does so, and says_--"Excuse +me, but the curtain is rising." + +FROU-FROU, in a dying state and a black dress, with her back-hair neatly +arranged, is brought into her husband's house to die. He kneels at her +feet. "You must not die. I am alone at fault. Forgive me sweet angel, +and live." With the only gleam of good sense which she has yet shown, +FROU-FROU refuses to live, and dropping her head heavily on the arm of +the sofa, with a blind confidence that the thickness of her chignon will +save her from a fractured skull, she peremptorily dies. + +_Subdued sobs from the audience, with the single exception of the +Jocular Man, who says_--"Well, if that's moral, I don't know what's +immoral; and I did think I had lived long enough in Paris to know that." + +With which opinion we heartily coincide, adding also the seriously +critical remark that though Messrs. DAVIDGE and LEWIS play their comic +parts with honest excellence, and though Mr. CLARKE is really a good +actor in spite of his popularity with the ladies of the audience, Miss +ETHEL, upon whom the whole play depends, is so obviously incompetent to +personate a brilliant and _spirituelle_ Parisienne that one wonders at +the popularity of FROU-FROU. The majority of the audience are ladies. +Can it be that they like the play because it teaches that the sins of a +pretty woman should be condoned by her husband, provided she looks well +with her back-hair down? + +MATADOR. + + * * * * * + +PUNCHINELLO AND THE ALDERMEN. + +The City Aldermen have called in a body to pay their respects to +PUNCHINELLO. PUNCHINELLO has not returned the compliment, since he likes +neither their looks, their diamonds, or their diamond-cut-diamond ways. +They curb streets by resolution, but they have not resolution enough to +keep the streets from curbing them. They gutter highways, but oftenest +let Low Ways gutter them. They wear fine shirt-fronts, but resort +to sorry and disreputable shifts in order to procure them. They are +gorgeously and gorged-ly badged with the City Arms in gold, but no city +arms open to badger them with golden opinions; and, altogether, the +Aldermen pass so many bad things that PUNCHINELLO can afford to let +them pass like bad dimes, before they are nailed to the counter of that +Public Opinion to which they run counter. + + * * * * * + +Will the Aldermen Respond? + +Do they who took up the SEWARD intend to perish by the SEWARD? + +[Footer: Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1870, by the +PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY, in the Clerk's Office of the District +Court of the United States, for the Southern District of New-York.] + +HINTS FOR THE FAMILY. + +Since the first publication of the hints to economically disposed +families, PUNCHINELLO has received a great number of letters from all +parts of the country, cordially indorsing his course. One gentleman +writes that he has already saved enough money from the diminution in the +cost of his wife's pins (in consequence of her having adopted the plan +of keeping them stuck into a stuffed bag) to warrant him in subscribing +to this paper for a year. Many of the readers of our first number write +us that they now never take a meal except from a board, or a series of +boards, supported by legs, as PUNCHINELLO recommended. Highly encouraged +by this evidence of their usefulness, PUNCHINELLO hastens to offer +further advice of the same valuable character. + +It may have been frequently noticed that all families require food at +certain intervals, generally three times a day, and in the case of +children even oftener. The cost of providing this food at the butcher, +baker, and provision shops is necessarily very great, and it is well, +then, to understand how a very good substitute for store-food may be +prepared at home. In order to make this preparation, procure from your +grocer's a quantity of flour--ordinary wheat flour--buying much or +little, according to the size of your family. This must then be placed +in a tin-pan, and mixed with water, salt, and yeast, according to taste. +If the mass is now placed by the fire, a singular phenomenon will be +observed, to which it will be well to draw the attention of the whole +family; old and young will witness it with equal surprise and delight. +The whole body of the soft mixture will gradually rise and fill (and +sometimes even overflow) the pan! When not in view by the household, +it will be well to cover the pan with a cloth, on account of dust +and roaches; but it must be observed that a soft and warm bedlike +arrangement will thus be formed, and if the family cat should choose to +make it her resting-place, the mixture will not rise. + +After this substance is sufficiently light and spongy, it must be taken +out of the pan and worked up into portions weighing a few pounds each. +But it must _not be eaten_ in this condition, for it would be neither +palatable nor wholesome. It should be put in another pan and placed in +the oven. Then (if there be a fire in the stove or range) it will be +soon hardened and dried by the action of the heat, and will be fit to be +eaten--provided the foregoing conditions have been perfectly understood. +When brought to the table, it should be cut in slices and spread with +molasses, jelly, butter, or honey, and it will be found quite adequate +to the relief of ordinary hunger. A family which has once used this +preparation will never be content without it. Some persons have it at +every meal. + +PUNCHINELLO has read with great pleasure a recently published book, by +CATHARINE BEECHER, and her sister Mrs. STOWE, the object of which is +to teach ingenious folks how to make ordinary articles of household +furniture in their leisure hours. One article not mentioned by these +ladies is recommended by PUNCHINELLO to the attention of all economical +families. It having been observed that it is a highly useful practice to +provide for the regular recurrence of meals, bedtime and other household +epochs, an instrument which shall indicate the hour of the day will be +of the greatest advantage. Such a one may thus be made on rainy days or +in the long winter evenings. Procure some thin boards and construct a +small box. If it can be made pointed at one end, with two little towers +to it, so much the better. Make a glass door to it, and paste upon the +lower part of this a picture representing a scene in Spanish Germany. +Paint a rose just under the scene. Then get a lot of brass cog-wheels, +and put them together inside of the box. Arrange them so that they shall +fit into each other and wrap a string around one of them, to the end of +which a lump of lead or iron should be attached. Then put a piece of +tin, with the hours painted thereon, on the upper part of the box, +behind the door, and get two long bits of thin iron, one shorter than +the other, and connect them, by means of a hole in the middle of the +tin, with the cog-wheels inside. Then shut the door, and if this +apparatus has been properly made, it will tell the time of day. Any +thing more convenient cannot be imagined, and the cost of the brass, by +the pound, will not be more than fifteen cents, while the wood, the tin, +and the iron may be had for about ten cents. In the shops the completed +article would be very much more costly. + +In his "Hints" PUNCHINELLO always desires to remember the peculiar needs +of the ladies, and will now tell them something that he is sure will +please them. They have all found, in the course of their shopping, that +it is exceedingly difficult to procure at the dry goods stores, any sort +of fabric which is so woven as to fit the figure, and they must have +frequently experienced the necessity of cutting their purchases into +variously-shaped pieces and fastening them together again by means of a +thread. Here is an admirable plan for accomplishing this object. Take a +piece of fine steel wire and sharpen one end of it. Now bore a hole in +the other end, in which insert the thread. If the edges of the cloth are +now placed together, and the wire is forced through them, the operator +will find, to her delight and surprise, that the thread will readily +follow it. If the wire is thus passed through the stuff, backward and +forward, a great many times, the edges will be firmly united. It will +be necessary, on the occasion of the first puncture, to form a hard +convolution at the free end of the thread, so as to prevent it passing +entirely through. This method will be found much more convenient than +the plan of punching holes in the stuff and then sticking the ends +of the thread through them. In the latter case, the thread is almost +certain to curl up, and cause great annoyance. + + * * * * * + +Dies Irae. + +The Philadelphia _Day_, on account of the immense success of +PUNCHINELLO. + + * * * * * + +Sporting Query. + +Was the fight between the "blondes" and STOREY of Chicago a Fair fight? + + * * * * * + +Prospect of a Short Water Supply Next Summer. + +A convention of milk dealers met this week at Croton Falls to prevent +the adulteration of milk by City dealers. + + * * * * * + +LATEST FROM WASHINGTON. + +Commissioner Piegan, of Montana, submits the outline of a treaty with +the Indians, which embraces the following provisions, (the embracing of +provisions being strictly in character:) + +1. No infant under three months of age, and no old man over one hundred +and ten, to be killed by either party in battle. + +All women to be killed on sight. + +Where the small-pox is raging, the field to be left to the Small-Pox. + +2. Presents to Indians to consist chiefly of arms, ammunition, and +whisky. + +3. Liquor-sellers and apostles to be encouraged on equal terms. + +4. Amateur sportsmen to be warned against killing Indians during the +breeding season. + +5. Quakers and VINCENT COLLYER to be assigned to duty at Washington. + +6. Four months' notice to be given of any intended attack on a White +camp. + +7. In scalping a lady, the rights of property in waterfall and switch to +be sacredly regarded. + +8. Declarations of love (during a campaign) to be submitted in writing. + +9. The usual atrocities to be observed by both parties. + +10. Hostilities to terminate when the last Indian lays down his +tomahawk, (to take a drink,) unless sooner shot by his white brethren, +or removed to a new reservation by the small-pox. + +Action on this treaty is expected to take place in about ten years. + +[Illustration: RATHER PERSONAL. _Ardent Lover._ "THEN, WHY, OH! WHY, DO +YOU SCORN MY HAND?" _Young Lady._ "I HAVE NO FAULT TO FIND WITH YOUR HAND, +BUT I _do_ OBJECT TO YOUR FEET."] + +A DISTINGUISHED VISITOR. + +IT is now settled that PIERRE BONAPARTE, who has been sentenced by the +High Court of Tours to leave France, is coming to New-York with the +intention of opening a pistol-gallery in partnership with REDDY the +Blacksmith. As the Prince is known to have "polished off" at least four +men with his revolver, his reception by the occupants of "Murderer's +Block" and other famous localities of the city will doubtless be very +enthusiastic. A suite of apartments is now being fitted up for his +accommodation in East-Houston Street--The rooms are very tastefully +decorated with portraits of the late lamented BILLY MULLIGAN and other +celebrated knights of the trigger. The Prince, it is understood, will +drop his title on his arrival here, and enter society as plain PETER +BONAPARTE--thus Englishing PIERRE, because it is French for stone, and +he thinks that his exploits entitle him to take rank in New-York as a +Brick. + + * * * * * + +The Beginning and Ending of a Chicken's Life. HATCHET. + + * * * * * + +The Best Envelope for a Sweet Note. "CANARY laid." + + * * * * * + +WOMAN, PAST AND PRESENT. + +DR. LORD, in a lecture lately delivered by him in Boston, on PHILIPPA, +the mother of the BLACK PRINCE, (who was a white woman,) told about +JANE, Countess of MONTFORT, (you all know who _she_ was,) and how She +once defended a fortress and defied a phalanx with eminent success. Of +her the lecturer said, + +"Clad in complete armor, she stood foremost in the breach." + +She did that, did she, this JANE of old? Tut, sir! that's nothing to our +modern JANES, crowds of whom are now yearning to stand "foremost in the +breeches." + + * * * * * + +A Bill that the Young Democracy Couldn't Settle. BILL TWEED. + + * * * * * + +Cool. + +ENGLAND has a Bleak house, but New-York has a Bleecker street. + + * * * * * + +A SOROSIAN IMPROMPTU. + +One of the sisters of Sorosis, at the last meeting of the club, was +delivered of the following touching "Impromptu on some beautiful +bouquets of flowers:" + + "With hungry eyes we glanced adown + The table nicely spread; + Our appetites were very keen, + And not one word was said, + + + "Till of a sudden "Ohs!" and "Ahs!" + Gave token of delight, + As, from a magic flower-bed. + Bright buds appeared in sight. + + + "May this sweet thought suggest the way + In which to spend life's hours; + And we endeavor every day + To scatter fragrant flowers." + +The first verse reminds us not a little of several olden nursery rhymes +of a prandial and convivial character, of which the most prominent +is that relating to little JACK HORNER, who sat in a corner eating a +Christmas pie. But even he is not described as having "hungry eyes," +though there is small doubt but that he had a good appetite, and was +"hungry o' the stomach." It is pleasant to know that the table was +nicely spread, though not as "keen appetites" would have demanded, with +bread and butter; but, as the subject calls for, with flowers--food of a +very proper character for hungry eyes to feed upon. Nor is it any wonder +that those of the sisterhood who went to the table expecting to find +something more substantial than flowers set before them, should at first +sight have been unable to utter one word. And only, after their first +astonishment and disappointment was over, the magical letters O's and +R's, which, we may presume, was a short way of calling for Old Rum, +to restore their drooping spirits, though our poetess, with a woman's +perverseness, would have us believe they were intended as "tokens of +delight." + +Of the last verse we can only say that it is an evident plagiarism of +the well-known juvenile poem, commencing, + + "How doth the little busy bee + Improve each shining hour, + And gather honey all the day + From every opening flower!" + +We confess, though, that we are unable to discover the "sweet thought" +that is to "suggest the way" + +"In which to spend life's hours!" + +Moreover, we believe it would be tiresome and monotonous to be occupied +"every day" in scattering "fragrant flowers," even if we were certain +that the lovely members of Sorosis would regard them with "tokens of +delight." + +"We regard this Impromptu as a failure, and call upon ALICE, and PHEBE, +and CELIA, and other tuneful members of the Sorosis Club to come to the +rescue of their unfortunate sister--the perpetrator of the above verses." + + * * * * * + +Suggestive. + +Our sheriff's initials--J.O.B. + + * * * * * + +How to Rise Early. + +Lie with your head to the (y)east. + + * * * * * + +Query for Barney Williams. + +Is the "Emerald Ring" a Fenian Circle? + + * * * * * + +Not During Lent. + +IT is hardly probable that General GRANT will dismiss FISH from the +Cabinet during Lent. + +THE REAL ESTATE OF WOMAN. + +DEAR PUNCHINELLO: We would not for the _World_--no, nor even for +PUNCHINELLO--cast any reproaches upon the vigorous movement made in +these latter days to find the real estate of woman; but why, tell us +why, should we find enlisted in this cause at present, as members of +the various _Sorosis-ters_, so many single sisters with pretensions to +youth? + +[Illustration: THE TOURS OF MRS. JIFFKINS. _Tour_ 1.--SHE SEARCHES FOR A +MAN.] + +We have always looked upon the champions of woman's righteousness, those +who believe in the _fee-male absolute_ as the real estate of woman, as +principally married women, whose housekeeping has proved a failure, +(except in the single item of hot water,) and certain ladies who have +lived to mature age without reference to men, and whom no man would take +even with the best of reference. + +There surely must be something wrong, somewhere, when those in the +younger walks of age take on this armor. + +Where is the need? + +Why should they who have never had their young lives blighted by a +husband linger pathetically over the tyranny of the sterner sex? + +Instead of shedding all these tears over other people's husbands, they +ought rather to rejoice that they have been spared such inflictions in +the past, and give exceeding great thanks that they are beyond danger of +such in the future. + +[Illustration: _Tour_ 2.--SHE SEARCHES FOR A FIRE. "THERE'S SOMETHIN' A +SINGEIN'!"] + +There may be other young women (if I may so speak) who are so +heart-broken because of the oppression of their sex, as wives, so +disgusted with the state matrimonial under the present constitution of +society, that they would not marry--oh! no. + +Now, we all remember the cogent reason why John refused to partake of +his evening repast, and we assure these young persons that they have +nothing whatever to fear. The danger is past, and they are safe beyond +the possibility of a peradventure. + +They are not the kind that men devour. And yet we can not help feeling +pity for them; their experience has been _trying_, but in vain; they +know what it is "to suffer and be strong"-minded; they have learned "to +labor and to wait," and it is well; for in all probability they will +wait for some time. + +It may be that the poor creatures are afflicted by the thought +that _perhaps_ they may be called upon to make warning examples of +themselves, and marry; and that _perhaps_ the man they marry may be a +tyrant, and--but the contingency is too remote. + +Some tell us that their youthful ardor is to uphold the standard of +woman's mission: they want to work. + +Well, all we can say is--_go it_! for under the circumstances, with no +one to work for them, the best possible thing they can do is to work for +themselves. But couldn't they do more, or at least as much, without so +much noise? If they only had plenty to do, and not so much spare time to +talk about what they are going to do, wouldn't they be better off, and +poor frail man be the gainer thereby? + +If they could only resolve upon such a course, and stick to it, don't +you think they would receive more aid, material and moral? + +Many would gladly contribute of their substance in such a cause, with +overflowing hearts; and the world of man will gladly guarantee to those +who avow their determination not to marry, entire immunity from any +temptation in that direction. + +As to the rest--those weak creatures who _will_ be satisfied with +good husbands and broad home-missions--they know no better; they will +continue to move in their limited spheres, benighted but happy, and +every thing will be satisfactory. + +Lawyers tell us that since the statutes of 1848, a woman's _real estate_ +has been within her own control; we take a broader view: we think it +_always_ has been within her own control by virtue of that old first +statute given to our gentle mother, EVE. + + * * * * * + +AN OLD BAILEY PRACTITIONER. + +In England they have an institution called the Old Bailey. It dealt from +time immemorial in such queer animals as "four-footed recognizances," +and in such strong assistance to justice as "straw bail" affords. The +court-room of the Old Bailey may be called a historical vat of crime. +Until recently, New-York was Old Bailey-less. Now detectives go about +the streets singing an air which reminds one forcibly of the tune called +"Unfortunate Miss BAILEY," only that it is Mister BAILEY they have +missed. Old BAILEY is really like JOHN GILPIN in two respects; all +rumors about him begin by calling him "a citizen of credit and renown;" +and they generally end by referring to him as a man who was gone to +"dine at--where?" + +Our New-York Old BAILEY has disappeared. Either the FULLERTON earthquake +has swallowed him up, or he has gone to the unknown land to which most +Spiritual mediums migrate. There never was a greater Spiritual medium +than Old BAILEY. He has had spirits on the brain during several years +past. He throve on spirits. He had only to rap on casks of spirits, and +greenbacks would rustle therefrom like trailing garments out of the +Spirit-world. He had assistant mediums in all the Federal officers. And +now the question asked of Commissioner DELANO, (who, by the way, in this +respect would gladly become DELA-yes) is "Canst thou call 'spirits from +the vasty deep?' and if thou canst, where is Old BAILEY?" Banker +CLEWS is one of his sureties, but he owns no Clews to his principal's +whereabouts. Do not PUNCHINELLO'S subjects all know that whisk brooms +sweep clean, and that no broom swept cleaner the Augean stables of +Federal plunderers than that wretched Old BAILEY'S whisky broom? There +is, however, an old proverb which claims that industrious brooms soon +wear out. But BAILEY is unlike a broom, in that no one can find a handle +to his whereabouts. + +PUNCHINELLO has heard a great deal about the practice of the Old Bailey +in London. He thinks it likely that so long as the Administration +continues to protect Federal plunderers, and to cover their tracks +by attacks against alleged city and State abuses, these Old Bailey +practices recently introduced into the United States Courts and United +States procedure, within or without revenue offices, must soon entitle +a large number of Federal officers, all over the country, to be happily +styled "Old Bailey Practitioners." + + * * * * * + +A Gay Young Joker. + +Thus spake the old Republican Machiavel, THURLOW WEED, a day or two +since, to W.H. SEWARD, the sly old fox with the "little bell." + +"TWEED 'l win." + +"Tweedle-dee!" retorted SEWARD. "What d'ye mean by that?" + +"I mean," rejoined THURLOW, "that his name, T. WEED, is identical with +one that erstwhile loomed largest in the sovereignty of the State of +New-York." + +SEWARD smiled. + +PHILADELVINGS. + +"Mother! mother!" screamed a little girl from above stairs to her +maternal parent in the parlor. "Mother, I've been crying ever so long, +and HANNAH won't pacify me!" And now PUNCHINELLO notices that it is not +only little girls who act in this charming manner; for the Hon. WILLIAM +D. KELLEY, of Philadelphia, has just screamed over the Congressional +banisters that he must be pacified, or he will no longer serve the good +people of the Fourth District of Pennsylvania. Therefore some fifteen +hundred of his constituents have written him a letter, and have said +to him, "Dat he sall, de poo itty-witty darling-warling, have his +placey-wacey as longey-wongey as he wants it, and the nasty-wasty +one-legged soldiers sha'n't trouble him for situations any more, so they +sha'n't." So the poor fellow straightens himself up, ceases his sobbing, +and consents to be pacified and take his three thousand a year for a +little while longer. This may do very well for once in a while; but +the Honorable WILLIAM D. announces that, not only does he desire to be +pacified in regard to the people who expect him to get them situations, +but that he wants to be with his family for more than six months in a +year, and that his property affairs are a little mixed. Now, what if he +should ask, next time, that his family shall be assigned apartments in +the Capitol, and that he shall be put on the Grant Category, and be +presented with an estate by his grateful constituents? And suppose he +should declare that he would serve no more unless General LOGAN should +be included among the number of those from whose importunities he is to +be defended? The good Irish blood of WILLIAM D. has always boiled at +the sound of the slogan, for it generally means fight, and he +wants--pacifying. PUNCHINELLO respectfully presents his condolences to +the people of the Fourth District of Pennsylvania, and hopes that they +will have a happy time of it with WILLIAM D. + +He has also noticed that the Philadelphians are having a lively and +brotherly dispute over their new public buildings; they don't know where +to put them. Most of the citizens are very much opposed to doing any +thing on the square; that is to say, Independence Square, where the +citizens assert their freedom by treading down all the grass, and making +a mud-flat of what was intended to be a turfy lawn. Some folks want the +buildings on PENN Square--so called because it is split in the middle, +and answers its intended purposes only on paper. But the good Quakers +hate to interfere with the rights of the blacks, whether they be men or +women, and so many of the latter make this square their abiding place +every summer, that it would seem like a violation of the spirit of the +Fifteenth Amendment to disturb them. But there is no doubt that the good +Philadelphians will have their new buildings some day, for they are +very enterprising. Witness the disposition of one of their leading men, +"Slushy" SMITH by name, who wants fifty thousand dollars with which to +open an avenue from the Delaware to Sixth street, basing his claims +upon the fact that such avenue will lead to Fairmount Park! Now, as the +nearest point of the park is two miles and a half from Sixth street, the +vigor of the scheme and the foreseeing character of the projectors are +worthy of a metropolis. + +PUNCHINELLO is furthermore delighted to see that a son of PENN has +decided the great question of the Pope's infallibility, which so vexes +our OEcumenical fellow-creatures. POPE has been beheaded at Harrisburg, +and of course there is no further need to discuss his infallibility. +When a man loses his head, he is fallible. To be sure, the case was only +one of a picture of GRANT and his Generals, which hung in the State +Library, and in which POPE'S head was painted out, and Governor GEARY'S +substituted; but the act shows, on the part of the adherents of the +leaden-legged governor, a head-strong determination to proceed to +extremities which has given rise to the gravest apprehensions; but +PUNCHINELLO hopes for the best. It is expected that the Legislature will +soon compel the inhabitants of the City of Fraternites to send their +children to school, whether they like it or not. This is certainly +progression, and PUNCHINELLO now looks confidently forward to a law +compelling all Philadelphians to wash their pavements twice a day; to +have white marble front-steps (without railings) to all their houses; to +build said houses entirely of red brick, with green shutters; to make +their sidewalks of similar bricks, laid unevenly, to agitate passers-by +and so prevent dyspepsia, and that each house shall have at least one +little gutter running over its pavement. + + * * * * * + +"Lost at Sea." + +BOUCICAULT when he wrote the play. + + * * * * * + +LETTER FROM A FRIEND. + +FRIEND PUNCHINELLO: + +Thee is right welcome; but thee should look upon this as a city of +Friends, and not place it in thy wicked pages, but rather in thy +Good Books--all the more since thee claims to exalt the good things +pertaining to pen and pencil, and this is the great City of Penn and +Pennsylvania. + +If thee should come this way next summer, to ruralize, thee might +behold our swollen Schuylkill, and say, Enough! Thee might see our City +Fathers, and say, Good! Doubtless thee has heard of our butter? Well, +thee might then taste it, and also say, Good!--if thee likes. It is +cheap. Thee will understand me, friend, that it is cheap to say "Good" +and good to say "Cheap." + +If thee will but talk "plain language," thee may circulate freely in +our streets, and behold our horses and dogs rubbing noses against the +fountains; nay, refreshing themselves thereat by the sight and sound of +little water! + +Cruelty to Animals is Prevented--but thee knows this; for has thee not +thy BERGH? Thee does with _one_ BERGH, but we have two--Pittsburg and +Harrisburg--and, moreover, a proverb which says, "Every man thinketh +his own goose a SWANN" If thee needs, we can spare thee Harrisburg, and +trust to the laws of Providence. + +But, friend PUNCHINELLO, if thee comes here, thee must be careful what +thee does. If thee does _nothing_, thee may be restrained. Thrift +accords not with idleness. + +We permit none but official corner loungers and "dead beats;" and, +having a very FOX for a Mayor--whose police are sharp as steel +traps--thee comes into danger, unless thee be a Repeater. True, thee +might disguise thyself in liquor and--as friend Fox taketh none--escape. + +This epistle is written out of kindly regard for thee, and because the +Spirit moveth me to wish thee well and a long life; although thee may +not live long enough to behold our new Public Buildings, the site of +which no man living can foresee. + +I remain, thine in peace, + +PHINEAS BHODBRIMME, + +PHILADELPHIA, 3d Month, 29th, 1870. Mulberry Street. + + * * * * * + +Consolation for Contemplated Changes in the Cabinet. There are as good +Fish in the sea as ever were caught. + + * * * * * + +Revels in the President's Mansion. The Black man in the White house. + + * * * * * + +Nothing Like Leather. + +A leather-dealer in the "Swamp" writes to us, asking whether we cannot +administer a good leathering to the prowlers who infest that district at +night. We don't know. Had rather not interfere. Suppose the poor thieves +find good Hiding-places there. Let the leatherist guard his premises +with a good-sized Black--and tan. + + * * * * * + +"Raising Cain." + +The Southern papers announce that cane-planting is generally finished, +which is more than can be said in this section, where it looks as though +the cane was about to usurp the place of the pen. We are not surprised, +however, to be informed that not half as much cane has been planted in +the South this year as there was last season, owing to the fact, no +doubt, that the Government has gone into the business of "raising Cain" +so extensively in that section. + + * * * * * + +Good for a "Horse Laugh." + +What is the difference between the leading _equestrienne_ at the Circus +and ROSA BONHEUR? + +The one is known as the "Fair Horsewoman;" the other, as the "Horse Fair +Woman." + + * * * * * + +A Drawn Battle. + +Any fight that gets into the illustrated papers. + + * * * * * + +A Suggestion. + +It is proposed to transport passengers by means of the pneumatic tunnel. +In view of the dampness of this subterranean way, would it not be proper +to call it the Rheumatic tunnel? + + + +THE UMBRELLA. (CONCLUDED.) + +It has been suggested that should a select party from the Fee-jee +Islands, who never before had wandered from their own delightful home, +be thrown into London, they might immediately erect the copper-colored +flag, or whatever their national ensign might be, and take possession of +that populous locality by right of discovery. So, in like manner, should +you leave your umbrella where it would be likely to be discovered--say +in a restaurant, or even in your own hall--the fortunate and +enterprising explorer who should happen to discover it would have in +his favor the nine points of the law that come with possession, and the +remaining points by right of discovery--a good thing for dealers in +umbrellas, but bad for that small portion of the general public not +addicted to petty larceny. + +DICKENS, in one of his Christmas stories, tells us of an umbrella that a +man tried to get rid of: he gave it away; he sold it; he lost it; but +it invariably came back; despite his moat strenuous exertions, like bad +_incubi_, it remained upon his hands. + +This strange incident does not come within our present treatise; it is +of the supernatural, and we are seeking to write the natural history of +the umbrella. + +The man who, has an umbrella that has grown old in his service is a +curiosity--so is the umbrella. If a man borrow an umbrella, it is +not expected that he will ever return it; he is a polite and refined +mendicant. If a man lend an umbrella, it is understood that he has no +further use for it; he is a generous donor whose right hand knows not +what his left hand doeth--neither does his left hand. + +A reform with regard to umbrellas has lately been attempted. A very +expressive and ingenious stand has been patented, in which if an +umbrella be once impaled there is no chance of its abduction except by +the hands of its rightful owner. A friend of ours, who owned such a one, +placed all his umbrellas in its charge, and went his way joyfully with +the keys in his pocket. During his absence, a facetious burglar called +and removed umbrellas, stand, and all. Our friend concludes that it is +cheaper to lend umbrellas by retail. + +Despite the apparent severity of these remarks, there may be much +romance connected with the umbrella. Many a young man immersed in love +has blessed the umbrella that it has been his privilege to carry over +the head of a certain young lady caught in a shower. In such a case the +umbrella may be the means of cementing hearts. Two young hearts bound +together by an umbrella--think of it, ye dealers in poetical rhapsodies, +and grieve that the discovery was not yours! + +How many agreeable chats have taken place beneath the umbrella! how many +a _confessio amantis_ has ascended with sweet savor into the dome of the +umbrella and consecrated it for ever! + +The romance alluded to may be spoiled if there be great disparity in +height. If the lady be very tall and you be very short, (so that you +can't afford to ride in an omnibus,) you will be apt to spoil a new hat; +and if, on the other hand, the lady be very short and you be very tall, +you will probably ruin a spring bonnet and break off the match. + +Again, if you should happen to carry an umbrella of the vast blue +style--to your own disgust and the amusement of the multitude--and, +under such circumstances, you meet a particular lady friend, your best +course will be to pass rapidly by, screening yourself from observation +as much as possible. + +It would also be awkward should the day be windy, and, as you advance +with a winning smile to offer an asylum to the _stricken dear,_ the +umbrella should blow inside out. + +The poet has raised the umbrella still higher by making it the symbol of +the marriage tie. He says, + + "Just as to a big umbrella + Is the handle when 'tis raining. + So unto a man is woman. + Though, the handle bears the burden, + 'Tis the top keeps all the rain off; + Though the top gets all the wetting, + 'Tis the handle still supports it. + So the top is good for nothing + If there isn't any handle; + And the case holds _vice versa_." + +All will appreciate the delicate pathos of the simile. Speaking of +similes reminds us that there is one on Broadway. An enterprising +merchant has for his sign an American eagle carrying an umbrella. + +Imagine the American eagle carrying an umbrella! As well imagine JULIUS +CAESAR in shooting-jacket and NAPOLEON-boots. The sign was put up in war +times, and was, of course, intended as a Sign of the times, squalls +being prevalent and umbrellas needed. Now that the squalls are over, let +us hope that the umbrella may speedily come down. Just here we close +ours. + +[Illustration: ALAS! POOR CUBA! _Messrs. Fish and Sumner_. "LET HER STAY +OUT IN THE COLD."] + + * * * * * + +"Ironing Done Here." + +CAPTAIN EYRE'S conduct has raised the Ire of the whole civilized world. + + * * * * * + +Right to a Letter. + +THE Collector of the Thirty-second District is charged with having +committed larceny as Bailee. + +[Illustration: THE DESCENT OF THE GREAT MASSACHUSETTS FROG UPON THE +NEWSPAPER FLIES.] + +[blank page] + +AN OLD BOY TO THE YOUNG ONES. + +[Illustration with letter 'T'] + +To-day I'm sixty-nine--an Old Boy. But, bless you! I was three times as +old--I thought so then--when I entered on my nineteenth year. I tell +you, boys--but perhaps you know it already--that the oldest figure we +ever reach in this world, the point at which we can look over the head +of METHUSELAH as easy as you can squint at the pretty girls, is at +eighteen and nineteen. Every body else around about that time amounts to +little, and less, and nothing at all. What's the "old man"--your father, +at forty-five--but an old fogy who doesn't understand things at all? +Of course not; how could he be expected to? He didn't have the modern +advantages. He didn't go to school at five, the dancing academy at +seven; nor did he give stunning birthday parties at nine--not he. He +didn't wear Paris kid-gloves in the nursery, learn to swear at the +tailor at ten, smoke and "swell" at twelve, and flirt at Long Branch, +Newport, or Saratoga at thirteen. The truth is--you think so--the Old +Man was brought up "slow." And, to tell the truth, you had much rather +not be seen with him outside the house. + +You are "one of the boys" now. I was, fifty years since. A long time +ago, that; but I've lived long enough to see and know that I was a great +fool then. You'll come to that, if you don't run to seed before. I see +now that what I then thought was smartness, was mere smoke; and it was +a great deal of smoke with the smallest quantity of fire. The people I +thought amounted to nothing, and whom I symbolized with a cipher, were +merely reflections of my own small, addled brain. I, too, thought the +old man slow, _passe_, stupid. I took him for a muff. He must have known +I was twice that. What does one of the boys at nineteen care for advice? +_I_ didn't--_you_ don't. It went in at the right ear and out over the +left shoulder. Old gent said he'd been there; I said I was going. I +did go. So did his money. My talent--if that's what you call it--was +centrifugal, not centripetal. I was a radical out-and-outer, as to +funds. I made lots of friends--you should have seen them. They swarmed-- +when there was any thing in my pocket. They left me alone in solitude at +other times. At twenty-nine I got pretty well along in life. But I find +I did not know so much as at nineteen. I had seen something of the +world, and also something of myself. The more I saw and studied the +latter individual, the less I thought of him. I began sincerely to +believe he was a humbug. At thirty-nine, I knew he was; or rather had +been. By that time he had begun to mend--had he? He had married, and +there was call for mending, equally as to ways, means, and garments. +From that hour I cultivated in different fields. My wild oats were all +_raked_ in. I was getting away from nineteen very rapidly--happily +receding from the boy of _that_ period. Mrs. BROWNGREEN beheld a man +devoted to domestics and the dailies. The clubs I left behind me--twice +a week. I was at home early--in the morning. I kept careful watch of my +goings and comings--so did my curious neighbors. I had my family around +me--also sheriffs and trades-people. I stood tolerably well in the +community; for I was straight in those times even when in straits. But +there was one stand I never did like to take--anywhere in sight of my +tailors. They were ungrateful. I _gave_ them any amount of patronage, +and they turned on me and wanted me to pay for it. That's the way of the +world. It wants much, and it wants it long; and when its bills come in, +it is found to be the latter dimensions with an emphasis. + +Well, boys, when you get out of the nineteens, you will begin to learn +something. First of all, that you don't know much of any thing. That's +the beginning of wisdom, though twenty is pretty well on to begin at a +good school. You will learn that frogs are not so large as elephants, +and that a gas-bag is sure to end in a collapse. You will learn that the +greatest fool is he who thinks he sees such in everybody else. You +will learn that all women are _not_ angels, nor all people older than +yourself "old fogies." You will see that humanity--or its best type--is +not made of equal parts of assurance, twenty-five cent cigars, Otard +punches, swallow-tail coats, and flash jewelry; and that the chances, in +the proportion of nine to one, are that "one of the boys" at nineteen is +one of the noodlest of noodles. + +Truly, + +JEREMIAH BROWNGREEN, _An Old Boy of Sixty-nine_. + + * * * * * + +THE INDIAN. + +Indians were the first inhabitants of this country. "Lo!" was the first, +only, and original aboriginal. His statue may be seen outside of almost +any cigar-store. His descendants are still called "Low," though often +over six feet in height. The Indian is generally red, but in time of war +he becomes a "yeller." He lives in the forest, and is often "up a tree." +Indians believe in ghosts, and when the Spirit moves them, they move +the Spirits. (N.B. They have no excise law.) They have an objection to +crooked paths, preferring to take every thing "straight." Although fond +of rum, they do not possess the Spirit of the old Rum-uns. They +are deficient in all metals except brass. This they have in large +quantities. The Indian is very benevolent; and believing that "uneasy +lies the head that wears a crown," he often scalps his friends to allow +them to sleep better. This is touching in the extreme. He is also very +hospitable, often treating his captives to a hot Stake. This is also +touching--especially to the captive. He is very ingenious in inventing +new modes of locomotion. Riding on a rail is one of these. This is done +after dinner, in order to aid the digestion, although they often "settle +your hash" in a different way. Indians are independent, and can "paddle +their own canoes." It is very picturesque to see an Indian, who is a +little elevated, in a Tight canoe when the water is High. (No allusion +to LONGFELLOW'S "Higherwater" is intended.) Indians are pretty good +shots, often shooting rapids. Their aim is correct; but as Miss CAPULET +observes, "What's in an aim?" (Answer in our next.) They are also +skilful with the long-bow. This does not, however, indicate that they +take an arrow view of things. Not at all. Sometimes, when reduced by +famine, they live on arrow-root. Sometimes they dip the points of their +arrows in perfume, after which they (the arrows, not the Indians) are +Scent. That this fact was known to Mr. SHAKESPEARE is shown by his line, + +"Arrows by any other name would smell as wheat." + +What is meant by the allusion to wheat is not quite clear; but it +probably refers to old Rye. An Indian may be called the Bow ideal of a +man. And then, again, he may not. It is a bad habit to call names. The +Western people have given up the Bow, but still retain the Bowie. "Hang +up the fiddle and the bow," (BYRON.) Perhaps it is arrowing to their +feelings. Perhaps it is not. The Indian is different from the Girl of +the Period. He has "two strings to his bow," while she has two beaux "on +a string." + + * * * * * + +CAUSE AND EFFECT. + +When the _Daily Trombone_ warns the POPE of Rome that his course is +prejudicial to the interests of true Catholics, the venerable prelate +doubtless adopts a new policy forthwith. When the _Evening Slasher_ +informs NAPOLEON that unless he conciliates the people of France his +dynasty will be overthrown, the Emperor doubtless at once confers with +his Minister of State concerning the advice thus proffered. When the +_Morning Pontoon_ warns VICTORIA that her persistent seclusion is +damaging to the cause of the throne, Her Gracious Majesty, without +doubt, changes her habits of life instanter. When the _Sunday Blowpipe_ +sagely informs BISMARCK that he is a blunderer, the great diplomatist is +probably thrown into convulsions by the appalling intelligence. When the +_Weekly Gasmeter_ coolly accuses the Czar of Russia of insincerity and +double-dealing, that potentate doubtless writes a private note to the +editor, defending his honor and policy. When the _Gridiron_ advises +VICTOR EMMANUEL to be less rigid in his diplomacy, or he will regret +it, beyond question V.E., alarmed and chagrined, reverses his policy in +accordance with the advice tendered. When the _Daily Pumpkin_ informs +GRANT that the people are disappointed in him, he simply smokes. + + * * * * * + +Very Fishy! + +An English exchange speaks of the Emperor of Russia as "a queer fish." +Must we infer from this that he is a Czar-dine? + +[Illustration: RATHER A HARD HIT. + +_Emily, (in conflict with the new Parson.)_ "THAT FASHIONS MAY BE +CARRIED TO EXTREMES, I ADMIT; BUT WOMEN, AT LEAST, TRY TO DISPLAY +_their_ PHRENOLOGICAL DEVELOPMENTS TO THE BEST ADVANTAGE.] + + * * * * * + +HIGH CHURCH AND LOW CHURCH. + +We are frequently asked what is the difference between High Church and +Low Church? + +We inquired of a Low Churchman for his definition of a High Churchman. + +Well, said he, a High Churchman is a----Well, he is a----Well, I should +say he was a----Well, hang me, he is a----a High Old Pharisee. + +We next inquired of a High Churchman what made a brother Low Churchman? + +Well, he is a----Well, I say he is a----Well, some people call him a---- +Yes, he is a----Well, he is a darned Low Pharisee. + +We hope our efforts in getting at the truth are eminently satisfactory +to all interested, as they are to us. + + * * * * * + +A Seasonable Hint. + +One of the correspondents speaks of being ushered into the august +presence of the President. April presence would have been the more +appropriate expression--not to say First of April presence. + + * * * * * + +"The Long, Long, Weary Day." + +The Philadelphia _Day_. + + * * * * * + +WEATHER PROPHECIES FOR MAY. + +About the first of the month look out for squalls and damp weather. The +sun's rays may be warm, but the beefsteak will be cold. There will be +more or less cloudy days throughout the month--especially more. If the +mornings are not foggy, they will be clear--that is, if the almanacs are +not steeped to the covers in deceit. If we prophesy pleasant weather, +and it should prove stormy and disagreeable, you can have redress by +calling at the office of PUNCHINELLO. + + * * * * * + +GREELEY ON BAILEY. + +The _Tribune_ extenuates the defalcations of Collector BAILEY, on the +ground that "he fought the crowd" (other revenue defaulters) "zealously, +effectively, persistently," etc. Suppose that Mr. GREELEY, while +pursuing his wild career in the dire places of the city, should fall +in with a gang of pickpockets, and get hustled. Suppose that a strong +fellow came along and drove away the thieves. Suppose that the strong +fellow then "went through" Mr. GREELEY, and eased him of his purse, +watch, and magnificent diamond jewelry. Would Mr. GREELEY extenuate +the outrage because the strong fellow had previously "fought the crowd +zealously, effectively, persistently"? + + * * * * * + +California Bank Ring. + +The California Bank went back on the greenbacks. Congress, being not so +green, went back on the California Bank Ring. It was not a Ring of the +true metal. + + * * * * * + +In Vino, etc. + +Wine merchants should never advertise. "Good Wine needs no Push." + + * * * * * + +INTERESTING TO BONE-BOILERS. + +Comparative osteology has ever been a favorite study with PUNCHINELLO in +his lighter hours. He loves to compare a broiled bone with a devilled +bone, and thinks them both good; but he fails to hit upon an adequate +comparison for the boiled bones that poison the air of certain city +localities with their concentrated stenches. Why don't the Health +Inspectors make a descent upon the boilers of bones, and Bone their +boilers? + + * * * * * + +"Jersey Lightning" + +That most of the so-called foreign wines sold here are made in +New-Jersey, is proved by the strong Bergen-dy flavor possessed by them. + + * * * * * + +Sutro the Dore(r). + +Sutro, having bored Congress to grant him a royalty on all the ore taken +out of the Comstock lode, now proposes to bore the Nevada mountains. He +says there are loads of silver in that lode. The principal metal thus +far shown by SUTRO is native brass. SUTRUO asks only the Letter of the +law--the royal--T. + + * * * * * + +Query. + +Does it follow that a FREAR charter will secure a Freer municipal +election? + + * * * * * + +BOOK NOTICES. + +A BATTLE OF THE BOOKS. Edited and published by GAIL HAMILTON. + +New York: HURD & HOUGHTON. + +A regular equinoctial Gail goes whirling and tearing through tin leaves +of this smart book. Its aim is to riddle and rip up the system by which +certain publishing houses crush authors, and defraud them of their +proper dues. The book is written with spirit, and has been issued in a +very attractive form by the Riverside Press. + +HANS BRETTMANN IN CHURCH, WITH OTHER NEW BALLADS. By CHARLES G. LELAND. +Philadelphia: T.B. PETERSON & BROTHERS. + +Mr. LELAND, so well known as one of the most learned of our German +scholars, has made a specialty of the character known in this country +as a "Dutchman." The little volume under notice, which has been very +tastefully set forth by Messrs. PETERSON, contains much amusing matter, +couched in that queer compound of German and English in the manufacture +of which Mr. LELAND excels. + + * * * * * + +We are indebted to Messrs. GURNEY & SON for a number of photographs of +public characters, executed in the best manner of the art. The "mugs" +issued by Messrs. GURNEY are quite equal, if not superior, to that most +celebrated of all mugs, the "Holy Grail." + +CONDENSED CONGRESS. + +SENATE. + +[Illustration with letter 'A'] + +Action in Congress has not been very lively of late. It is Lent; and the +exhilarating sort of entertainment provided by the "high requiem" of +a SUMNER, or the wild warbling of a DRAKE, is considered to be +unseasonable. The Senate is not a faster, though Senator SUMMER'S tongue +goes faster than any body else's in it; nor yet a prayer, though Senator +YATES is undeniably Prairie in his oratory; but it is a humiliation. As +Lord ASHBURNHAM well remarked when he saw it in its fresh hey-day, +we may repeat in its old salt-hay-day, "'Pon mee sole, uno, it is a +pudding-headed lot of duffers." + + +PUNCHINELLO finds nothing to make his weekly abstract and brief +chronicle of this asylum for elderly and uninteresting lunatics about +without making it too weakly. In the language of Bishop POTTER, when +asked by the Rev. Dr. DIX what he would do in the event of a heart +turning up, "I'll pass" to-- + +THE HOUSE, + +which never fails to amuse and instruct. Mr. COX has been making a +shocking speech about the tariff. Mr. COX remarked that he once thought +there was nothing like it. But I have been travelling about since, he +said, with a summer-mote in my own buck eye in search of Winter Sunbeams +in my Corsican brother's. I have been in Corsica, and of Corsican find a +parallel of the latitude of this tariff in the leg ends of the robbers, +by which I do not mean the ankles of the Forty Thieves, whom I had +the pleasure of seeing in company with my "constituents of the Sixth +Congressional District of the City of New-York." Well, then, there was +a robber in Corsica of the name of PELEG HIGGINS, who found that his +business in the Robbin Rednest line was suffering from the opposition +of several other robbers in the neighbor and robbin' hood, who "went +through" his victims, to use an expressive phrase common among my +constituents, before he had his chance. PELEG thereupon went to the +priest of the parish, who assessed the sins of the robbers of that +vicinity, and offered him half the proceeds of his future crimes if +he would increase his tariff of penances on the opposition firms. The +priest drew up a schedule of the Whole Duties of Man. It was practically +prohibitory on murders, and robberies were assessed from sixty to eighty +per cent _ad valorem_. The other robbers remonstrated. The priest said +he would protect his parishioners. PELEG is now very much respected, +and owns an iron and log rolling establishment. The other robbers were +driven out of the business. That, Mr. COX said, was the origin of the +Protective Tariff. + +Mr. KELLEY wished to know how much British Gold Mr. COX had received +for his infamous harangue. As for him, he was bound to protect his +constituents (Mr. COX, "Parishioners;" and laughter on the Democratic, +or other, side of Mr. KELLEY'S mouth.) As to the charge that he was +behind the age, it was absurd. Every Philadelphian knew that nobody +could be behind the Age. He advocated the principle expressed by the +Pennsylvanian bard, + + You tickle me and + I'll tickle you. + +Mr. LOGAN said the army ought to be reduced; and he treated with scorn +General SHERMAN'S intimation that it ought not to be reduced. General +SHERMAN had once told him that there was a Major-General whom the army +could spare. He (LOGAN) was a Major-General at the time. He did not know +whom General SHERMAN meant. He did not see the use of the regular army, +or of West-Point. In his State a man could get along just as well +without knowing any thing; and what was the sense of teaching officers? +The more they knew, the more they wanted to know. Give them an inch, and +they would take an ell. He didn't know what an ell an ell was, and he +didn't want to. He was willing to provide a staff, but not a crutch. + +Mr. SLOCUM said he hoped it was not unparliamentary to observe that the +gentleman who preceded him didn't know what he was talking about. The +French staff is larger than our staff. So is the British United Service +Club. So is the Irish shillelagh. If the reductions proposed were +carried "out," the staff would stick at nothing. The arms of the service +might get on without a staff, but how about the legs. + + * * * * * + +Allurements of the Period. + +Novelty and nakedness are the elements to which modern managers of plays +and shows chiefly look for success. A new song, the name if which it is +unnecessary to give, has brought fresh fame and renewed fortune to the +proprietors of a celebrated minstrel theatre. Legs have contributed +their might to fill the coffers of some of our leading theatrical +managers--legs of the feminine gender, with much display about them, but +no drapery. Thus it will be seen that New Ditty in the one case, and +Nudity in the other, have taken the great public by the forelock and +led it to where the minstrels gesticulate, and the legs and footlights +quiver. And now the "lower animals" are touched by the whim of the +period, a leading attraction on the bills of the Circus being an +equestrian performance with "four naked horses." + + * * * * * + +Sartorial. + +A TAYLOR carried through the Mexican war; a DRAPER writes the history of +the civil war. Drapers and Taylors such as these understand how to mend +national Breaches. + + * * * * * + +A Fatal Technicality. + +"Wimming" have their rights in Wyoming; but then Wyoming can never +become "Woming" Territory. And what's to prevent it? Y, don't you +see?--that letter won't let her. + + * * * * * + +BROADBRIM TO ABORIGINE. + + Friend PIEGAN! with the war-paint on thy cheek, + I am thy friend; pray listen, then, to me-- + Nay, do not scalp me!--may a Friend not speak? + Put up thy knife: I draw no knife on thee. + + + Friend PIEGAN! can thee count the forest leaves? + For every leaf, thee counts a Pale Face too! + Full many strokes the Red Man now receives: + But, PIEGAN friend, what can the Red Man do? + + + The Small-Pox and the Fever strike him down; + The White Man is his foe: he cannot live! + For the Great Spirit tells him, with a frown, + All men shall perish that will not forgive! + + + The Pale Face has been here? thy child is killed? + But little scales are hanging to thy belt! + Say, when thy father's heart with wrath was filled, + Did not thee know how thy White Brother felt? + + + Now, PIEGAN friend! thee has enough of war! + Bury the hatchet, and thy arrows break; + Wait for the Happy Hunting Grounds afar-- + A Reservation that they cannot take! + + + +The Latest from Albany. + +'All--O.K. till December. + +* * * * * + +Up and Down. + +The almost universal cry, "Down with the taxes!" is inconsistent in one +sense, because if taxes were Down, they would certainly be extremely +light. + + * * * * * + +Running and Reid-in. + +And now MAYNE REID is announced as having a lecture on BYRON. At this +rate we shall soon have BYRON'S memory embalmed in Stowe-Reid greatness. + + * * * * * + +Good Roaming Catholics. + +The Sisters of Charity. + +A VISIT TO "SHERIDAN'S RIDE." + +PHILADELPHIA, March 26, 1870. + +DEAR PUNCHINELLO: + +Taking my way along Chestnut Street a few days since, I found my +progress arrested at Tenth Street by a great current of humanity, that +swept with resistless force into the entrance to the Academy of Fine +Arts. + +I, too, entered, and, passing around the familiar group of the "Centaurs +and Lapithae," which stands beneath the dome, was hurried breathlessly +onward by the throng, until I found myself face to face with that +_chef-d'oeuvre_ of modern art, T. BUCHANAN READ'S painting of +"SHERIDAN'S Ride." + +Give the reins to your imagination, now, (a little horse-talk is +appropriate here,) and behold one thousand men and women, of refined +and cultivated tastes, doing tearful homage to the genius of the great +Poetaster--pardon me, Mr. T.B.R., Poet-artist was what I meant to have +said. + +From these my critical orbs now wandered to the painting; from the +painting to PUGH, (the astute "engineer" of the "show,") and then to the +painting again. "What drawing!" remarked I. (PUGH smiled, and glanced +approvingly at the audience.) "There is much freedom and boldness in +it," continued I. "It is very broad, rich in color, and--" "In a word," +interrupted a friend of mine, whose grandfather was a Frenchman, "full +of _chic_!" (PUGH blushed.) + +Admirable and truthful, indeed, is the expression imparted by the artist +to the fleet General who suddenly became famous by being Twenty Miles +away from the Post of Duty! + +The flashing eye; the close-cut military style of the hair; the fierce +moustache; the row of three buttons marking exalted grade; the vigorous +yet graceful movement of the sword-arm, and the cap disappearing in +the distance, indicative of the remarkable time making by the +"horsenman"--all these are admirable points in the picture, and worthy +of being closely studied by the student of Art. + +As I gazed, a shock-headed young man, with a very red nose, whom I at +once recognized as a student of the Life Class, sneeringly observed that +the "flourish of the sword smelt a little of the foot-lights." (Artists +are ever jealous.) + +It is easy to see that the clever painter of "SHERIDAN'S Ride" has +meaning in the flourish of the sabre. It indicates that his fleet hero +uses the weapon, not to "fright the souls of fearful adversaries," but +to accelerate with frequent whacks the speed of his heroic charger. +The horse has observable points, too, and especially one that might +be called by the superficial critic "faulty drawing." I refer to the +extraordinary fore-shortening--if the expression is in this case +allowable--of that part of the animal which extends from the saddle +backward. In this, again, there is a touch of nature that genius only +can impart. For what is more conceivable than that the hinder parts of +the heroic steed might have been cut away by an unlucky slash with the +edge of the sabre? There is precedent for this. Every schoolboy can +recall a similar accident which befell the horse of MUNCHAUSEN as he +dashed beneath the descending portcullis. And, as from that famous +steed's hind-quarters there sprang an arborescent shelter, so, also, as +a result of SHERIDAN'S "scrub race," do laurels shade that hero's brows. + +My views of the cause of this fore-shortening are enforced when I state +that there is a fine atmospheric effect about the horse's tail, which +seems to indicate that it was considerably in the rear. + +There can be no greater tribute to the powers of the artist, or the +worth of the heroic "horsenman," than the crowds which daily, in these +heretofore silent and hallowed precincts, "wake the echoes with sounds +of praise." + +Yonder is "Death on the Pale Horse." As I gazed, Death smiled with +approval at "SHERIDAN'S Ride," and the stony figure of GERMANICUS "leant +upon his sword and wiped away a tear."... + +Suddenly a pistol-shot rang through the vaulted aisles, and, amid the +shouts of men and shrieks of affrighted women, I ascertained that +a daring rebel, (one EARLY,) moved by the wondrous fidelity of +the picture, had drawn a revolver, and fired at the "counterfeit +presentment" of the man who had humbled him at Winchester. + +Amid the confusion, a manly voice shouted, "Three cheers for the Hero of +Winchester!" + +"That's Wright!" yelled the shock-headed young man with the red nose.... + +Then I left the scene, pondering as I went, "What manner of painter is +this, who can so deftly limn the features of a hero as to draw tears +from his worshippers and bullets from his foes?" And, as I pondered, +that abstruse conundrum of CHURCH, the artist, came to my mind: "What +if, after all, READ, your brush should steal the laurels from your pen?" + +"What," indeed? + +CHROMO. + +[Illustration: CHARLEY, WHO HAS HAD HIS HAIR DRESSED AT THE BARBER'S, +SHOWS HIS LITTLE BROTHER, WITH THE AID OF THE CRUET-STAND, HOW IT IS +DONE.] + +A Long Look-out. + +The dome on the new court-house is expected to be completed by Domesday. + + * * * * * + +Appropriate. + +Lester Wallack has his "Tayleure" travelling with him during his +"starring" trip. + + * * * * * + +"PLEASE THE PIGS." + +Foreign Pig, we observe, furnishes a topic just now for writers in the +daily papers. IRON-ically speaking, pig, in the sense referred to, means +a lump of metal; but the _World_ of March 26th has an accidental, +though none the less curious, "cross-reading," which brings foreign pig +directly into contact with domestic. It says, (the _World_, not the +pig.) + +"Protected foreign pig in New-York, $32." + +Precisely on a line with this, in the next column, appears the +following. + +"What between hogs and policemen, drunken women are being rapidly +exterminated in Philadelphia." + +The _World's_ cross-reading is a capital one, bringing the pigs together +nicely, and suggesting the following remarks: + +"Protected foreign pig in New-York, $32," very aptly applies to the +gangs of imported burglars and ruffians of all sorts who run riot in our +midst, and who can generally insure the "protection" of the police by a +_douceur_ so paltry even as $32. + +Such hybrids as Philadelphia drunken women, "between hogs and +policemen," must be extremely disagreeable objects, and we are glad to +learn that they are nearly extinct. Here we are much worse off. Rowdy +characters, that may well be compared to "hogs," but are not often to +be seen "between policemen," are far too plentiful in New-York, and the +sooner they are "exterminated" the better. + + * * * * * + +By a Broom. + +Nassau street is in such a filthy condition as to suggest a change of +its name to Nausea Street. + + * * * * * + +Radical Ames. + +To be Military Commander, and then United States Senator from +Mississippi. + +A.T. Stewart & Co. HAVE OPENED THEIR STORE, + +COVERING THE ENTIRE SQUARE BOUNDED BY BROADWAY, Fourth Avenue, Ninth and +Tenth Streets, + +AND ARE DAILY REPLENISHING ALL THE VARIOUS STOCKS WITH + +ELEGANT NOVELTIES, Imported and Selected Expressly for the Occasion. + + * * * * * + +A.T. Stewart & Co. HAVE OPENED 5 Cases Extra Quality + +_FRENCH PLAID BAREGES,_ Only 25 cents per Yard. + +ALSO + +FRENCH AND IRISH POPLINS, PARIS MADE + +SILK FOULARDS AND BAREGE DRESSES, SOME VERY ELEGANT. + +Ladies' Paris-Made Hats, Bonnets, Feathers, Flowers, etc. + +BROADWAY, Fourth Ave., Ninth and Tenth Sts. + + * * * * * + +Extraordinary Bargains IN CARPETS. + +A.T. Stewart & Co. + +ARE OFFERING + +5 Frame English Brussels at $2 per Yard. Tapestry English Brussels at +$1.50 per Yd. Velvets at $2.50 and $2.75 per Yard. Royal Wiltons at +$2.50 and $3 per Yard. Moquettes and Axminsters at $3.50 and $4. + +INGRAINS, THREE-PLYS, Etc., AT GREAT REDUCED PRICES. + +ELEGANT NOVELTIES RECEIVED BY EVERY STEAMER. + +BROADWAY, Fourth Avenue, and Tenth Street. + + * * * * * + +_The two great objects of a learner's ambition ought to be to speak a +foreign language idiomatically, and to pronounce it correctly; and these +are the objects which are most carefully provided for in the_ MASTERY +SYSTEM. + +The Mastery of Languages; + +OR, + +THE ART OF SPEAKING LANGUAGES IDIOMATICALLY. + +BY THOMAS PRENDERGAST, + +_ I. Hand-Book of the Mastery Series. II. The Mastery Series. French. +III. The Mastery Series. German. IV. The Mastery Series. Spanish._ + +PRICE 50 CENTS EACH. + +_From Professor E.M. Gallaudet, of the National Deaf Mute College._ + +"The results which crowned the labor of the first week were so +astonishing that he fears to detail them fully, lest doubts should be +raised as to his credibility. But this much he does not hesitate to +claim, that, after a study of less than two weeks, he was able to +sustain conversation in the newly-acquired language a great variety of +subjects." + +FROM THE ENGLISH PRESS. + +"The principle may be explained in a line--it is first learning the +language, and then studying the grammar, and then learning (or trying to +learn) the language."--_Morning Star_. + +"We know that there are some who have given Mr. Prendergast's plan a +trial, and discovered that in a few weeks its results had surpassed all +their expectations."--_Record_. + +"A week's patient trial of the French Manual has convinced us that the +method is sound."--_Papers for the Schoolmaster_. + +"The simplicity and naturalness of the system are obvious."--_Herald_ +(Birmingham.) + +"We know of no other plan which will infallibly lead to the result in a +reasonable time."--_Norfolk News_. + +FROM THE AMERICAN PRESS. + +"The system is as near as can be to the one in which a child learns to +talk."--_Troy Whig_. + +"We would advise all who are about to begin the study of languages to +give it a trial."--_Rochester Democrat_. + +"For European travellers this volume is invaluable."--_Worcester Spy_. + +Either of the above volumes sent by mail free to any part of the United +States on receipt of price. + +D. APPLETON & CO., Publishers, + +90, 92, and 94 Grand Street, New-York. + + * * * * * + +RED AS A ROSE IS SHE. + +_Third Edition._ + +D. APPLETON & CO., 90, 92, AND 94 Grand Street, Have now ready the Third +Edition of + +RED AS A ROSE IS SHE. + +By the Author of "Cometh up as a Flower." + +1 Vol. 8vo. Paper Covers, 60 cents. + +From the New-York _Evening Express_. "This is truly a charming novel; +for half its contents breathe the very odor of the flower it takes as +its title." + +From the Philadelphia _Inquirer_. "The author can and does write well; +the descriptions of scenery are particularly effective, always graphic, +and never overstrained." + +D.A. & Co. have just published: + +A SEARCH FOR WINTER SUNBEAMS IN THE RIVIERA, CORSICA, ALGIERS, AND +SPAIN. By Hon. S.S. Cox. Illustrated. Price, $3. + +REPTILES AND BIRDS: A POPULAR ACCOUNT OF THEIR VARIOUS ORDERS, WITH A +DESCRIPTION OF THE HABITS AND ECONOMY OF THE MOST INTERESTING. By Louis +Figuier. Illustrated with 307 wood-cuts. 1 vol. 8vo. $6. + +HEREDITARY GENIUS: AN INQUIRY INTO ITS LAWS AND CONSEQUENCES. By Francis +Galton. 1 vol. 8vo. $3.50. + +HAND-BOOK OF THE MASTERY SERIES OF LEARNING LANGUAGES. + +I. THE HAND-BOOK OF THE MASTERY SERIES. II. THE MASTERY SERIES, FRENCH. +III. THE MASTER SERIES, SPANISH. + +Price, 50 cents each. + +Either of the above sent free by mail to any address on receipt of the +price. + + * * * * * + +BURCH'S + +Merchant's Restaurant + +and + +DINING-ROOM, + +310 BROADWAY, + +BETWEEN PEARL AND DUANE STREETS. + +_Breakfast from 7 to 10 A.M._ _Lunch and Dinner from 12 to 3 P.M._ +_Supper from 4 to 7 P.M._ + +M.C. BURCH of New-York. A. STOW, of Alabama. H.A. CARTER, of +Massachusetts. + + * * * * * + +HENRY I. 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Box 2783.] + +PUNCHINELLO. + +APRIL 16, 1870. + +[Illustration: ALARMING APPARITION OF SACHEM TWEED, TO A COMMITTEE OF +THE YOUNG DEMOCRACY. + +_(Commissioner McLean was the only one of the fugitives our Artist could +catch, the rest having vanished around the corner.)_] + + * * * * * + +Harper's Periodicals. + +Magazine. Weekly. Bazar. + +Subscription Price, $4 per year each. $10 for the three. + +An Extra Copy of either the MAGAZINE, WEEKLY, or BAZAR will be supplied +gratis for every Club of Five Subscribers at $4 each, in one remittance; +or Six Copies for $20. + + * * * * * + +HARPER'S CATALOGUE + +May be obtained gratuitously on application to Harper & Brothers +personally, or by letter, inclosing six cents in postage-stamps. + +HARPER & BROTHERS, New-York. + + * * * * * + +BOWLING GREEN SAVINGS-BANK + +33 BROADWAY, + +NEW-YORK. + + * * * * * + +Open Every Day from 10 A.M. to 3 P.M. + + * * * * * + +Deposits of any sum, from Ten Cents to Ten Thousand Dollars, will be +received. + + * * * * * + +Six Per Cent Interest, Free of Government Tax. + + * * * * * + +INTEREST ON NEW DEPOSITS Commences on the first of every month. + +HENRY SMITH, President. BEEVES B. SELMES, Secretary. WALTER ROCHE, Vice +Presidents. EDWARD HOGAN. + + * * * * * + +PUNCHINELLO: + +TERMS TO CLUBS. + + * * * * * + +WE OFFER AS PREMIUMS FOR CLUBS + +FIRST: DANA BICKFORD'S PATENT FAMILY SPINNER, The most complete and +desirable machine ever yet introduced for spinning purposes. + +SECOND: BICKFORD'S CROCHET AND FANCY WORK MACHINES. These beautiful +little machines are very fascinating, as well as useful; and every lady +should have one, as they can make every conceivable kind of crochet or +fancy work upon them. + +THIRD: BICKFORD'S AUTOMATIC FAMILY KNITTER. This is the most perfect and +complete machine in the world. It knits every thing. + +FOURTH: AMERICAN BUTTONHOLE, OVERSEAMING, AND SEWING-MACHINE. This great +combination machine is the last and greatest improvement on all former +machines. No. 1. with finely finished Oiled Walnut Table and Cover, +complete, price, $75. No. 2, same machine without the button hole parts, +etc., price, $60. + +WE WILL SEND THE + + Family Spinner, price, $8, for 4 subscribers and $16. + No. 1 Crochet, " 8, " 4 " " 16. + " 2 " " 15, " 6 " " 24. + " 1 Automatic Knitter, 72 needles, " 30, " 12 " " 48. + " 2 " " 84 " " 33, " 13 " " 52. + No. 3 " " 100 needles, price $37, for 15 subscribers and $60. + " 4 " " 2 cylinders + 1 72 needles )" 40, " 16 " " 64. + 1 100 needles) + +No. 1. American Buttonhole and Overseaming Machine, price, $75, for +20 subscribers and $120. No. 1. American Buttonhole and Overseaming +Machine, without buttonhole parts, etc., price $60, for 25 subscribers +and $100. + +Descriptive Circulars + +Of all these machines will be sent upon application to this office, and +full instructions for working them will be sent to purchasers. + +Parties getting up Clubs preferring cash to premiums, may deduct +seventy-five cents upon each full subscription sent for four subscribers +and upward, and after the first remittance for four subscribers may send +single names as they obtain them, deducting the commission. + +Remittances should be made in Post-Office Orders, Bank Checks, or Drafts +on New-York City; or if these cannot be obtained, then by Registered +Letters, which any post-master will furnish. Charges on money sent by +express must be prepaid, or the net amount only will be credited. + +Directions for shipping machines must be full and explicit, to prevent +error. In sending subscriptions give address, with Town, County, and +State. 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