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diff --git a/16564-0.txt b/16564-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6bbcbb0 --- /dev/null +++ b/16564-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,28323 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Amphitryo, Asinaria, Aulularia, Bacchides, +Captivi, by Plautus Titus Maccius + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Amphitryo, Asinaria, Aulularia, Bacchides, Captivi + Amphitryon, The Comedy of Asses, The Pot of Gold, The Two + Bacchises, The Captives + +Author: Plautus Titus Maccius + +Editor: Paul Nixon + +Translator: Paul Nixon + +Release Date: August 20, 2005 [EBook #16564] + +Language: English/latin + +Character set encoding: UTF-8 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK WORKS OF PLAUTUS *** + + + + +Produced by Ted Garvin, Louise Hope and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + +[Transcriber’s Note: +Footnotes are collected at the end of each play. Where a footnote refers +to an omitted passage, the verses before and after the omission have been +numbered in parentheses: +(182) +(184) +All other line numbers are from the original text.] + + * * * * * + + + P L A U T U S + + With an English Translation by + + PAUL NIXON + Dean of BOWDOIN COLLEGE, Maine + + + + In Five Volumes + + + I + + AMPHITRYON + THE COMEDY OF ASSES + THE POT OF GOLD + THE TWO BACCHISES + THE CAPTIVES + + + + + Cambridge, Massachusetts + HARVARD UNIVERSITY PRESS + + London + WILLIAM HEINEMANN LTD + + + _First printed_ 1916 + + * * * * * + + CONTENTS + + + Greek Originals of the Plays........vii + Introduction.........................ix + Bibliography.......................xvii + I. Amphitruo, or Amphitryon..............1 + II. Asinaria, or the Comedy of Asses....123 +III. Aulularia, or the Pot of Gold.......231 + IV. Bacchides, or the Two Bacchises.....325 + V. Captivi, or the Captives............459 + Index...............................569 + +[Transcriber’s Note: +The Index of Proper Names is not included in this e-text.] + + * * * * * + + +THE GREEK ORIGINALS OF THE PLAYS IN THIS VOLUME + + +In this and each succeeding volume a summary will be given of the +consensus of opinion[1] regarding the Greek originals of the plays in +the volume and regarding the time of presentation in Rome of Plautus’s +adaptations. It may be that some general readers will be glad to have +even so condensed an account of these matters as will be offered them. + +The original of the _Amphitruo_ is not now thought to have been a work +of the Middle Comedy but of the New Comedy, very possibly Philemon’s +Νὺξ μακρά. A clue to the Greek play’s date is found in the +description of Amphitryon’s battle with the Teloboians,[2] a battle +fought after the manner of those of the Diadochi who came into +prominence at the death of Alexander the Great. The date of the +Plautine adaptation of this play, as in the case of the _Asinaria_, +_Aulularia_, _Bacchides_,[3] and _Captivi_, is quite uncertain, beyond +the fact that it no doubt belongs, like almost all of his extant work, +to the last two decades of his life, 204-184 B.C. The _Amphitruo_ is +one of the five[4] plays in the first two volumes whose scene is not +laid in Athens. + +The Ὀναγός of a certain Demophilus,[5] otherwise unknown to us, was +the onginal of the _Asinaria._ The assertion of Libanus that he is his +master’s Salus[6] is thought to be a fling at the honours decreed +certain of the Diadochi, who were called, while still alive, Σωτῆρες. +This possibility, together with the fact that the Pellaean[7] merchant +and the Rhodian[8] Periphanes travel to Athens-- northern Greece and the +Aegaean therefore being pacified and Athens at peace with Macedon--would +indicate that the Ὀναγός was written while Demetrius Poliorcetes +controlled Macedon, 294-288 B.C. + +Very slender evidence connects the _Aulularia_ with some unknown play +of Menander’s in which a miser is represented δεδιὼς μή τι τῶν ἔιδον +ὁ καπνος οἴχοιτο φερων. Euclio’s distress[9] at seeing any smoke +escape from his house seems at least to suggest that Plautus may have +borrowed the _Aulularia_ from Menander. The allusion to _praefectum +mulierum_,[10] rather than _censorem_, would seem to show that in the +original γυναικοι ομον had been written; this would prove the Greek +play to have been presented while Demetrius of Phalerum was in power +at Athens (317-307 B.C.), where he introduced this detested office, +which was done away with by 307 B.C. + +Ritschl[11] has shown clearly enough that the original of the +_Bacchides_ was Menander’s Δὶς ἐξαπατῶν. The fact that Athens, Samos, +and Ephesus are at peace, that the Aegaean is not swept by hostile +fleets, that one can travel freely between Athens and Phoeis, together +with the allusion to Demetrius,[12] lead one to believe that the Δὶς +ἐξαπατῶν was written either between the years 316-307 or 298-296 B.C. + +The original of the _Captivi_ is quite unknown, while the war between +the Aetolians and Eleans gives the only clue to the date of this +original. Hueffner[13] considers it probable that the war was that +between Aristodemus and Alexander, and the Greek play was produced +shortly after 314 B.C. Others[14] assume that the scene of the play +would not be Aetolia unless Aetolia had become an important state, +and that the war was therefore one of the third century B.C. + + [Footnote 1: See especially Hueffner, _De Plauti Comoediarum Exemplis + Atticis_, Göttingen, 1894; Legrand, _Daos_, Paris, 1910, English + translation by James Loeb under title _The New Greek Comedy_, William + Heinemann, 1916; Leo, _Plautinische Forschungen_, Berlin, 1912.] + + [Footnote 2: _Amph._ 203 _seq._] + + [Footnote 3: Produced later than the _Epidicus._ Cf. _Bacch._ 214.] + + [Footnote 4: _Amphitruo_, Thebes, _Captivi_, Aetolia, _Cistellaria_, + Sicyon, _Curculio_, Epidaurus (the Caria first referred to in v. 67 + was a Greek town, not the state in Asia Minor), _Menaechmi_, + Epidamnus.] + + [Footnote 5: _Asin._ Prol. 10-11.] + + [Footnote 6: _Asin._ 713.] + + [Footnote 7: _Asin._ 334.] + + [Footnote 8: _Asin._ 499.] + + [Footnote 9: _Aulul._ 299, 301.] + + [Footnote 10: _Aulul._ 504.] + + [Footnote 11: Ritschl, _Parerga_, pp. 405 _seq._ Cf. Menander, + _Fragments_, 125, 126.] + + [Footnote 12: _Bacch._ 912.] + + [Footnote 13: Hueffner, _op. cit._ pp. 41-42.] + + [Footnote 14: Cf. Legrand, _op. cit._ p. 18.] + + + + +INTRODUCTION + + +Little is known of the life of Titus Maccius Plautus. He was born +about 255 B.C. at Sarsina, in Umbria; it is said that he went to Rome +at an early age, worked at a theatre, saved some money, lost it in a +mercantile venture, returned to Rome penniless, got employment in a +mill and wrote, during his leisure hours, three plays. These three +plays were followed by many more than the twenty extant, most of them +written, it would seem, in the latter half of his life, and all of +them adapted from the comedies of various Greek dramatists, chiefly of +the New Comedy.[15] Adaptations rather than translations they +certainly were. Apart from the many allusions in his comedies to +customs and conditions distinctly Roman, there is evidence enough in +Plautus’s language and style that he was not a close translator. Modern +translators who have struggled vainly to reproduce faithfully in their +own tongues, even in prose, the countless puns and quips, the incessant +alliteration and assonance in the Latin lines, would be the last to +admit that Plautus, writing so much, writing in verse, and writing with +such careless, jovial, exuberant ease, was nothing but a translator in +the narrow sense of the term. + +Very few of his extant comedies can be dated, so far as the year +of their production in Rome is concerned, with any great degree of +certainty. _The Miles Gloriosus_ appeared about 206, the _Cistellaria_ +about 202, _Stichus_ in 200, _Pseudolus_ in 191 B.C.; the _Truculentus_, +like _Pseudolus_, was composed when Plautus was an old man, not many +years before his death in 184 B.C. + +Welcome as a full autobiography of Plautus would be, in place of such +scant and tasteless biographical morsels as we do have, only less +welcome, perhaps, would be his own stage directions for his plays, +supposing him to have written stage directions and to have written +them with something more than even modern fullness. We should learn +how he met the stage conventions and limitations of his day; how +successfully he could, by make-up and mannerism, bring on the boards +palpably different persons in the Scapins and Bobadils and Doll +Tear-sheets that on the printed page often seem so confusingly similar, +and most important, we should learn precisely what sort of dramatist he +was and wished to be. + +If Plautus himself greatly cared or expected his restless, +uncultivated, fun-seeking audience to care, about the construction +of his plays, one must criticize him and rank him on a very different +basis than if his main, and often his sole, object was to amuse the +groundlings. If he often took himself and his art with hardly more +seriousness than does the writer of the vaudeville skit or musical +comedy of to-day, if he often wished primarily to gain the immediate +laugh, then much of Langen’s long list of the playwright’s dramatic +delinquencies is somewhat beside its intended point. + +And in large measure this--to hold his audience by any means--does +seem to have been his ambition: if the joke mars the part, down with +the part; if the ludicrous scene interrupts the development of the +plot, down with the plot. We have plenty of verbal evidence that the +dramatist frequently chose to let his characters become caricatures; +we have some verbal evidence that their “stage business” was sometimes +made laughably extravagant; in many cases it is sufficiently obvious +that he expected his actors to indulge in grotesqueries, well or ill +timed, no matter, provided they brought guffaws. It is probable, +therefore, that in many other cases, where the tone and “stage business” +are not as obvious, where an actor’s high seriousness might elicit +catcalls, and burlesque certainly would elicit chuckles, Plautus +wished his players to avoid the catcalls. + +This is by no means the universal rule. In the writer of the _Captivi_, +for instance, we are dealing with a dramatist whose aims are different +and higher. Though Lessing’s encomium of the play is one to which not +all of us can assent, and though even the _Captivi_ shows some technical +flaws, it is a work which must be rated according to the standards we +apply to a _Minna von Barnhelm_ rather than according to those applied +to a _Pinafore_: here, certainly, we have comedy, not farce. + +But whatever standards be applied to his plays their outstanding +characters, their amusing situations, their vigour and comicality +of dialogue remain. Euclio and Pyrgopolynices, the straits of the +brothers Menaechmus and the postponement of Argyrippus’s desires, the +verbal encounter of Tranio and Grumio, of Trachalio and the fishermen-- +characters, situations, and dialogues such as these should survive +because of their own excellence, not because of modern imitations and +parallels such as Harpagon and Parolles, the misadventures of the +brothers Antipholus and Juliet’s difficulties with her nurse, the +remarks of Petruchio to the tailor, of Touchstone to William. + +Though his best drawn characters can and should stand by themselves, +it is interesting to note how many favourite personages in the modern +drama and in modern fiction Plautus at least prefigures. Long though +the list is, it does not contain a large proportion of thoroughly +respectable names: Plautus rarely introduces us to people, male or +female, whom we should care to have long in the same house with us. +A real lady seldom appears in these comedies, and--to approach a +paradox--when she does she usually comes perilously close to being no +lady; the same is usually true of the real gentleman. The generalization +in the Epilogue of _The Captives_ may well be made particular: “Plautus +finds few plays such as this which make good men better.” Yet there is +little in his plays which makes men--to say nothing of good men--worse. +A bluff Shakespearean coarseness of thought and expression there often +is, together with a number of atrocious characters and scenes and +situations. But compared with the worst of a Congreve or a Wycherley, +compared with the worst of our own contemporary plays and musical +comedies, the worst of Plautus, now because of its being too revolting, +now because of its being too laughable, is innocuous. His moral land +is one of black and white, mostly black, without many of those really +dangerous half-lights and shadows in which too many of our present day +playwrights virtuously invite us to skulk and peer and speculate. + +Comparatively harmless though they are, the translator has felt obliged +to dilute certain phrases and lines. + +The text accompanying his version is that of Leo, published by +Weidmann, 1895-96. In the few cases where he has departed from this +text brief critical notes are given; a few changes in punctuation have +been accepted without comment. In view of the wish of the Editors of +the Library that the text pages be printed without unnecessary +defacements, it has seemed best to omit the lines that Leo brackets as +un-Plautine[16]: attention is called to the omission in each case and +the omitted lines are given in the note; the numbering, of course, is +kept unchanged. Leo’s daggers and asterisks indicating corruption and +lacunae are omitted, again with brief notes in each case. + +The translator gladly acknowledges his indebtedness to several of the +English editors of the plays, notably to Lindsay, and to two or three +English translators, for a number of phrases much more happily turned +by them than by himself: the difficulty of rendering verse into prose-- +if one is to remain as close as may be to the spirit and letter of the +verse, and at the same time not disregard entirely the contributions +made by the metre to gaiety and gravity of tone--is sufficient to make +him wish to mitigate his failure by whatever means. He is also much +indebted to Professors Charles Knapp, K.C.M. Sills, and F.E. Woodruff +for many valuable suggestions. + + Brunswick, Me., + + September, 1913. + + [Footnote 15: The _Asinaria_ was adapted from the Ὀναγὸς of + Demophilus; the _Casina_ from the Κληρούμενοι, the _Rudens_ from + an unknown play, perhaps the Πήρα, of Diphilus; the _Stichus_, in + part, from the Ἀδελφοί ά of Menander. Menander’s Δὶς ἐξαπατῶν + was probably the source of the _Bacchides_, while the _Aulularia_ + and _Cistellaria_ probably were adapted from other plays (titles + unknown) by Menander. The _Mercator_ and _Trinummus_ are adaptations + of Philemon’s Ἐμπορος and Θησαυρός, the _Mostellaria_ very + possibly is an adaptation of his Φάσμα, the _Amphitruo_, perhaps, + an adaptation of his Νὺξ μακρά.] + + [Footnote 16: It seemed best to make no exceptions to this rule; + even such a line as Bacchides 107 is therefore omitted. Cf. Lindsay, + _Classical Quarterly_, 1913, pp. 1, 2, Havet, _Classical Quarterly_, + 1913, pp. 120, 121.] + + + + +BIBLIOGRAPHY + +_Principal Editions:_ + Merula, Venice, 1472; the first edition. + Camerarius, Basel, 1552. + Lambinus, Paris, 1576; with a commentary. + Pareus, Frankfurt, 1619, 1623, and 1641. + Gronovius, Leyden, 1664-1684. + Bothe, Berlin, 1809-1811. + Ritschl, Bonn, 1848-1854; a most important edition; contains only + nine plays. + Goetz, Loewe, and Schoell, Leipzig, 1871-1902; begun by Ritschl, + as a revision and continuation of the previous edition. + Ussing, Copenhagen, 1875-1892; with a commentary. + Leo, Berlin, 1895-1896. + Lindsay, Oxford, 1904-1905. + Goetz and Schoell. Leipzig, 1892-1904. + +_English Translations:_ + Thornton, and others, London, second edition, 1769-1774; in blank + verse. + Sugden, London, 1893; the first five plays, in the original metres. + +_General:_ + Ritschl, _Parerga_, Leipzig, 1845; _Neue plautinische + Excurse_, Leipzig, 1869. + Müller, _Plautinische Prosodie_, Berlin, 1869. + Reinhardstoettner (Karl von), _Spätere Bearbeitungen + plautinischer Lustspiele_, Leipzig, 1886. + Langen, _Beiträge zur Kritik und Erklärung des Plautus_, + Leipzig, 1880; _Plautinische Studien_, Berlin, 1886. + Sellar, _Roman Poets of the Republic_, Oxford, third edition, + 1889, pp. 153-203. + Skutsch, _Forschungen zur lateinischen Grammatik und Metrik_, + Leipzig, 1892. + Leo, _Plautinische Forschungen_, Berlin, 1895; second + edition, 1912; _Die plautinischen Cantica und die + hellenistische Lyrik_, Berlin, 1897. + Lindsay, _Syntax of Plautus_, Oxford, 1907. + + +PRINCIPAL MANUSCRIPTS + + Ambrosianus palimpsestus (A), 4th century. + Palatinus Vaticanus (B), 10th century. + Palatinus Heidelbergensis (C), 11th century. + Vaticanus Ursinianus (D), 11th century. + Leidensis Vossianus (V), 12th century. + Ambrosianus (E), 12th century. + Londinensis (J), 12th century. + + P = the supposed archetype of BCDVEJ. + + +SOME ANNOTATED EDITIONS OF PLAYS IN THE FIRST VOLUME + + _Amphitruo_, A. Palmer 1890. + _Asinaria_, Gray; Cambridge, University Press, 1894. + _Aulularia_, Wagner; London, George Bell & Sons, 1878. + _Captivi_, Brix; 6th edition, revised by Niemeyer; Leipzig, + Teubner, 1910. + _Captivi_, Sonnenschein; London, W. Swan Sonnenschein & + Allen, 1880. + _Captivi_, W.M. Lindsay 1900. + + * * * * * + * * * * + * * * * * + + +AMPHITRUO + + AMPHITRYON + + + * * * * * + +ARGVMENTVM I[1] + + ARGUMENT OF THE PLAY (I) + + [Footnote 1: None of the Arguments prefixed to the plays is by Plautus. + Their date is disputed, the acrostics having been written during the + first century B.C., perhaps, the non acrostics later.] + + In faciem versus Amphitruonis Iuppiter, + dum bellum gereret cum Telobois hostibus, + Alcmenam uxorem cepit usurariam. + Mercurius formam Sosiae servi gerit + absentis: his Alcmena decipitur dolis. + postquam rediere veri Amphitruo et Sosia, + uterque deluduntur in mirum modum. + hinc iurgium, tumultus uxori et viro, + donec cum tonitru voce missa ex aethere + adulterum se Iuppiter confessus est. 10 + + While Amphitryon was engaged in a war with his foes, the + Teloboians, Jupiter assumed his appearance and took the loan + of his wife, Alcmena. Mercury takes the form of an absent + slave, Sosia, and Alcmena is deceived by the two impostors. + After the real Amphitryon and Sosia return they both are + deluded in extraordinary fashion. This leads to an + altercation and quarrel between wife and husband, until + there comes from the heavens, with a peal of thunder, + the voice of Jupiter, who owns that he has been the + guilty lover. + + +ARGVMENTVM II + + ARGUMENT OF THE PLAY (II) + + *A*more captus Alcumenas Iuppiter + *M*utavit sese in formam eius coniugis, + *P*ro patria Amphitruo dum decernit cum hostibus. + *H*abitu Mercurius ei subservit Sosiae. + *I*s advenientis servum ac dominum frustra habet. + *T*urbas uxori ciet Amphitruo, atque invicem + *R*aptant pro moechis. Blepharo captus arbiter + *V*ter sit non quit Amphitruo decernere. + *O*mnem rem noscunt. geminos Alcumena enititur.[2] + + Jupiter, being seized with love for Alcmena, changed his + form to that of her husband, Amphitryon, while he was doing + battle with his enemies in defence of his country. Mercury, + in the guise of Sosia, seconds his father and dupes both + servant and master on their return. Amphitryon storms at his + wife: charges of adultery, too, are bandied back and forth + between him and Jupiter. Blepharo is appointed arbiter, but + is unable to decide which is the real Amphitryon. They + learn the whole truth at last, and Alcmena gives birth + to twin sons. + + + + +PERSONAE + + DRAMATIS PERSONAE + + MERCVRIVS DEUS + SOSIA SERVUS + IVPPITER DEUS + ALCVMENA MATRONA + AMPHITRVO DUX + BLEPHARO GUBERNATOR + BROMIA ANCILLA + + MERCURY, _a god._ + SOSIA, _slave of Amphitryon._ + JUPITER, _a god._ + ALCMENA, _wife of Amphitryon._ + AMPHITRYON, _commander-in-chief of the Theban army._ + BLEPHARO, _a pilot._ + BROMIA, _maid to Alcmena._ + + + + +_Scaena Thebis._ + + _Scene:--Thebes. A street before Amphitryon’s house._ + + +PROLOGVS[3] + + PROLOGUE + + [Footnote 3: The genuineness of the Prologues of these plays has + long been a moot question. The tendency of the more recent + investigators has been to hold that all were, at least in part, + written by Plautus himself.] + +MERCVRIVS DEVS + + SPOKEN BY THE GOD MERCURY + + Ut vos in vostris voltis mercimoniis + emundis vendundisque me laetum lucris + adficere atque adiuvare in rebus omnibus + et ut res rationesque vostrorum omnium + bene me expedire voltis peregrique et domi + bonoque atque amplo auctare perpetuo lucro + quasque incepistis res quasque inceptabitis, + + According as ye here assembled would have me prosper you + and bring you luck in your buyings and in your sellings of + goods, yea, and forward you in all things; and according + as ye all would have me find your business affairs and + speculations happy outcome in foreign lands and here at + home, and crown your present and future undertakings with + fine, fat profits for evermore; + + et uti bonis vos vostrosque omnis nuntiis + me adficere voltis, ea adferam, ea uti nuntiem + quae maxime in rem vostram communem sient-- 10 + nam vos quidem id iam scitis concessum et datum + mi esse ab dis aliis, nuntiis praesim et lucro--: + haec ut me voltis adprobare adnitier,[4] (13) + ita huic facietis fabulae silentium (15) + itaque aequi et iusti his eritis omnes arbitri. + + and according as ye would have me bring you and all yours + glad news, reporting and announcing matters which most + contribute to your common good (for ye doubtless are aware + ere now that ’tis to me the other gods have yielded and + granted plenipotence o’er messages and profits); according + as ye would have me bless you in these things, then in such + degree will ye (_suddenly dropping his pomposity_) keep + still while we are acting this play and all be fair and + square judges of the performance. + + Nunc cuius iussu venio et quam ob rem venerim + dicam simulque ipse eloquar nomen meum. + Iovis iussu venio, nomen Mercurio est mihi. + pater huc me misit ad vos oratum meus, 20 + tam etsi, pro imperio vobis quod dictum foret, + scibat facturos, quippe qui intellexerat + vereri vos se et metuere, ita ut aequom est Iovem; + + Now I will tell you who bade me come, and why I came, and + likewise myself state my own name. Jupiter bade me come: my + name is Mercury (_pauses, evidently hoping he has made an + impression_). My father has sent me here to you to make a + plea, yea, albeit he knew that whatever was told you in way + of command you would do, inasmuch as he realized that you + revere and dread him as men should Jupiter. + + verum profecto hoc petere me precario + a vobis iussit, leniter, dictis bonis. + etenim ille, cuius huc iussu venio, Iuppiter + non minus quam vostrum quivis formidat malum: + humana matre natus, humano patre, + mirari non est aequom, sibi si praetimet; + + But the fact remains that he has bidden me make this + request in suppliant wise, with gentle, kindly words. + (_confidentially_) For you see, that Jupiter that “bade me + come here” is just like any one of you in his horror of + (_rubbing his shoulders reflectively_) trouble[A]: his + mother being human, also his father, it should not seem + strange if he does feel apprehensive regarding himself. + + [Footnote A: Actors might be whipped on occasion.] + + atque ego quoque etiam, qui Iovis sum filius, 30 + contagione mei patris metuo malum. + propterea pace advenio et pacem ad vos affero[5]: + iustam rem et facilem esse oratam a vobis volo, + nam iusta ab iustis iustus sum orator datus. + + Yes, and the same is true of me, the son of Jupiter: once my + father has some trouble I am afraid I shall catch it, too. + (_rather pompously again_) Wherefore I come in peace and + peace do I bring to you. It is a just and trifling request I + wish you to grant: for I am sent as a just pleader pleading + with the just for what is just. + + nam iniusta ab iustis impetrari non decet, + iusta autem ab iniustis petere insipientia est; + quippe illi iniqui ius ignorant neque tenent. + nunc iam huc animum omnes quae loquar advortite. + debetis velle quae velimus: meruimus + et ego et pater de vobis et re publica; 40 + + It would be unfitting, of course, for unjust favours to be + obtained from the just, while looking for just treatment + from the unjust is folly; for unfair folk of that sort + neither know nor keep justice. Now then, pay attention all + of you to what I am about to say. Our wishes should be + yours: we deserve it of you, my father and I, of you and + of your state. + + nam quid ego memorem,--ut alios in tragoediis + vidi, Neptunum Virtutem Victoriam + Martem Bellonam, commemorare quae bona + vobis fecissent,--quis bene factis meus pater, + deorum regnator[6] architectust[7] omnibus? + + Ah well, why should I--after the fashion of other gods, + Neptune, Virtue, Victory, Mars, Bellona, whom I have seen + in the tragedies recounting their goodness to you-- + rehearse the benefits that my father, ruler of the gods, + hath builded up for all men? + + sed mos numquam illi fuit patri meo,[8] + ut exprobraret quod bonis faceret boni; + gratum arbitratur esse id a vobis sibi + meritoque vobis bona se facere quae facit. + + It never was a habit of that sire of mine to twit good + people with the good he did them; he considers you + grateful to him for it and worthy of the good things he + does for you. + + Nunc quam rem oratum huc veni primum proloquar, 50 + post argumentum huius eloquar tragoediae. + quid? contraxistis frontem, quia tragoediam + dixi futuram hanc? deus sum, commutavero. + + Now first as to the favour I have come to ask, and then you + shall hear the argument of our tragedy. What? Frowning + because I said this was to be a tragedy? I am a god: I’ll + transform it. + + eandem hanc, si voltis, faciam ex tragoedia + comoedia ut sit omnibus isdem vorsibus. + utrum sit an non voltis? sed ego stultior, + quasi nesciam vos velle, qui divos siem. + + I’ll convert this same play from tragedy to comedy, if + you like, and never change a line. Do you wish me to do + it, or not? But there! how stupid of me! As if I didn’t + know that you do wish it, when I’m a deity. + + teneo quid animi vostri super hac re siet: + faciam ut commixta sit: sit tragicomoedia. + nam me perpetuo facere ut sit comoedia, 60 + reges quo veniant et di, non par arbitror. + quid igitur? quoniam his servos quoque partes habet, + faciam sit, proinde ut dixi, tragicomoedia. + + I understand your feelings in the matter perfectly. I shall + mix things up: let it be tragi-comedy. Of course it would + never do for me to make it comedy out and out, with kings + and gods on the boards. How about it, then? Well, in view of + the fact that there is a slave part in it, I shall do just + as I said and make it tragi-comedy. + + nunc hoc me orare a vobis iussit Iuppiter, + ut conquaestores singula in subsellia + eant per totam caveam spectatoribus, + si cui favitores delegates viderint, + ut is in cavea pignus capiantur togae; + + Now here is the favour Jove bade me ask of you: (_with + great solemnity_) let inspectors go from seat to seat + throughout the house, and should they discover claqueurs + planted for the benefit of any party, let them take as + security from all such in the house--their togas. + + sive qui ambissint palmam histrionibus, + sive cuiquam artifici, si per scriptas litteras 70 + sive qui ipse ambissit seu per internuntium, + sive adeo aediles perfidiose cui duint, + sirempse legem iussit esse Iuppiter, + quasi magistratum sibi alterive ambiverit. + + Or if there be those who have solicited the palm for + actors, or for any artist--whether by letter, or by personal + solicitation, or through an intermediary--or further, if the + aediles do bestow the said palm upon anyone unfairly, Jove + doth decree that the selfsame law obtain as should the said + party solicit guiltily, for himself or for another, public + office. + + virtute dixit vos victores vivere, + non ambitione neque perfidia: qui minus + eadem histrioni sit lex quae summo viro? + virtute ambire oportet, non favitoribus. + sat habet favitorum semper qui recte facit, + si illis fides est quibus est ea res in manu. 80 + + ’Tis worth has won your wars for you, saith he, not + solicitation or unfairness: why should not the same law hold + for player as for noblest patriot? Worth, not hired support, + should solicit victory. He who plays his part aright ever + has support enough, if it so be that honour dwells in those + whose concern it is to judge his acts. + + hoc quoque etiam mihi pater in mandatis dedit, + ut conquaestores fierent histrionibus: + qui sibi mandasset delegati ut plauderent + quive quo placeret alter fecisset minus, + eius ornamenta et corium uti conciderent. + + This injunction, too, did Jove lay upon me: that + inspectors should be appointed for the actors, to the end + that whosoever has enjoined claqueurs to clap himself, or + whosoever has endeavoured to compass the failure of another, + may have his player’s costume cut to shreds, also his hide. + + mirari nolim vos, quapropter Iuppiter + nunc histriones curet; ne miremini: + ipse hanc acturust Iuppiter comoediam. + quid? admirati estis? quasi vero novom + nunc proferatur, Iovem facere histrioniam; 90 + + I would not have you wonder why Jove is now regardful + of actors; do not so: he himself, Jove, will take part in + this comedy. What? Surprised? As if it were actually a new + departure, this, Jove’s turning actor! + + etiam, histriones anno cum in proscaemo hic + Iovem invocarunt, venit, auxilio is fuit[9] (92) + hanc fabulam, inquam, hic Iuppiter hodie ipse aget, (94) + et ego una cum illo. nunc vos animum advortite, + dum huius argumentum eloquar comoediae. + + Why, just last year when the actors on this very stage + called upon Jupiter, he came,[B] and helped them out. + This play, then, Jove himself will act in to-day, and I + along with him. Now give me your attention while I unfold + the argument of our comedy. + + [Footnote B: An allusion to some play in which Jupiter + appeared in time to save some situation.] + + Haec urbs est Thebae. in illisce habitat aedibus + Amphitruo, natus Argis ex Argo patre, + quicum Alcumena est nupta, Electri filia. + is nunc Amphitruo praefectust legionibus, 100 + nam cum Telobois bellum est Thebano poplo. + + This city here is Thebes. In that house there (_pointing_) + dwells Amphitryon, born in Argos, of an Argive father: and + his wife is Alcmena, Electrus’s daughter. At present this + Amphitryon is at the head of the Theban army, the Thebans + being at war with the Teloboians. + + is prius quam hinc abut ipsemet in exercitum, + gravidam Alcumenam uxorem fecit suam. + nam ego vos novisse credo iam ut sit pater meus, + quam liber harum rerum multarum siet + quantusque amator sit quod complacitum est semel. + + Before he himself left to join his troops, his wife, + Alcmena, was with child by him. (_apologetically_) Now I + think you know already what my father is like--how free he + is apt to be in a good many cases of this sort and what an + impetuous lover he is, once his fancy is taken. + + is amare occepit Alcumenam clam virum + usuramque eius corporis cepit sibi, + et gravidam fecit is eam compressu suo. + nunc de Alcumena ut rem teneatis rectius, 110 + utrimque est gravida, et ex viro et ex summo Iove. + + Well, Alcmena caught his fancy, without her husband knowing + it, and he enjoyed her and got her with child. So now + Alcmena, that you may see it quite clearly, is with child + by both of them, by her husband and by almighty Jove. + + et meus pater nunc intus hic cum illa cubat, + et haec ob eam rem nox est facta longior, + dum cum illa quacum volt voluptatem capit; + sed ita adsimulavit se, quasi Amphitruo siet. + + And my father is there inside this very moment with her in + his arms, and it is on this account that the present night + has been prolonged while he enjoys the society of his + heart’s delight. All this in the guise of Amphitryon, you + understand. + + Nunc ne hunc ornatum vos meum admiremini, + quod ego huc processi sic cum servili schema: + veterem atque antiquam rem novam ad vos proferam, + propterea ornatus in novom incessi modum. + + Now don’t be surprised at this get-up of mine and because I + appear here in the character of a slave as I do: I am going + to submit to you a new version of a worn and ancient tale, + hence my appearance in a new get-up. + + nam meus pater intus nunc est eccum Iuppiter; 120 + in Amphitruonis vertit sese imaginem + omnesque eum esse censent servi qui vident: + ita versipellem se facit quando lubet. + + The point is, my father Jupiter is now inside there, mark + you. He has turned himself into the very image of Amphitryon, + and all the servants that see him believe that’s who he is. + See how he can change his skin when he likes! + + ego servi sumpsi Sosiae mi imaginem, + qui cum Amphitruone abiit hinc in exercitum, + ut praeservire amanti meo possem patri + atque ut ne, qui essem, familiares quaererent, + versari crebro hic cum viderent me domi; + nunc, cum esse credent servom et conservom suom, + haud quisquam quaeret qui siem aut quid venerim. 130 + + And as for me, I have assumed the form of Amphitryon’s slave + Sosia, who went away to the army with him, my idea being to + subserve my amorous sire and not have the domestics ask who + I am when they see me busy about the house here continually. + As it is, when they think I am a servant and one of their + own number, not a soul will ask me who I am or what I’ve + come for. + + Pater nunc intus suo animo morem gerit: + cubat complexus cuius cupiens maxime est; + quae illi ad legionem facta sunt memorat pater + meus Alcumenae: illa illum censet virum + suom esse, quae cum moecho est. ibi nunc meus pater + memorat, legiones hostium ut fugaverit, + quo pacto sit donis donatus plurimis. + + So now my father is inside indulging his heart’s desire as + he lies there with his arms around the lady-love he + particularly dotes on. He is telling Alcmena what happened + during the campaign: and she all the time thinking him her + husband when he’s not. On he goes there with his stories of + putting the legions of the foe to flight and being presented + with prizes galore. + + ea dona, quae illic Amphitruoni sunt data, + abstulimus: facile meus pater quod volt facit. + nunc hodie Amphitruo veniet huc ab exercitu 140 + et servos, cuius ego hanc fero imaginem. + + The prizes Amphitryon did receive there we stole--things + my father fancies do come easy to him! Now Amphitryon + will return from the army to-day, and the slave I am + representing, too. + + nunc internosse ut nos possitis facilius, + ego has habebo usque in petaso pinnulas; + tum meo patri autem torulus inerit aureus + sub petaso: id signum Amphitruoni non erit. + ea signa nemo horum familiarium + videre poterit: verum vos videbitis. + + To make it easier for you to tell us apart I shall always + wear this little plume on my hat: yes, and as for my father + he will have a little gold tassel hanging from his: + Amphitryon will not have this mark. They are marks that + none of the household here will be able to see, but you + will. + + sed Amphitruonis illic est servos Sosia: + a portu illic nunc cum lanterna advenit. + abigam iam ego illum advenientem ab aedibus. 150 + adeste: erit operae pretium hic spectantibus + Iovem et Mercurium facere histrioniam. + + (_looking down street_) But there is Amphitryon’s servant + Sosia--just coming from the harbour with a lantern. I’ll + bustle him away from the house as soon as he gets here. + Watch now! It will be worth your while to attend when Jove + and Mercury take up the histrionic art. (_steps aside_) + + + + +ACTVS I + + ACT I + + + (_Time, night._) + + _Sos._ + + Qui me alter est audacior homo aut qui confidentior, + iuventutis mores qui sciam, qui hoc noctis solus ambulem? + quid faciam nunc, si tres viri me in carcerem compegerint? + inde cras quasi e promptaria cella depromar ad flagrum, + nec causam liceat dicere mihi, neque in ero quicquam auxili + nec quisquam sit quin me malo omnes esse dignum deputent. + + ENTER _Sosia_, LANTERN IN HAND. + + (_stopping and peering around timorously_) Who’s a bolder + man, a more audacious man than I am--know all about the + young bloods and their capers, I do, yet here I am strolling + around all alone at this time of night! (_seems to hear + something and jumps_) What if the police should lock me up + in jail? To-morrow I should be taken out of that preserve + closet and get served--to a rope’s end; and not a word would + they let me say for myself,[C] and not a bit of help could I + get from master, and there wouldn’t be a soul but what would + reckon I deserved a hiding. + + [Footnote C: Being a slave] + + ita quasi incudem me miserum homines octo validi caedant: 159-160 + ita peregre adveniens hospitio publicitus accipiar. 161-162 + haec eri immodestia + coegit, me qui hoc noctis a portu ingratiis excitavit. + nonne idem hoc luci me mittere potuit? + + Those eight strong wardens would pound my poor + carcass just as if I was an anvil: that is how I should be + entertained on coming home from abroad--a public reception. + (_disgustedly_) It’s master’s impatience forced me into + this, routing me out from the harbour at this time of night, + against my will. Might have sent me on the same errand by + daylight, mightn’t he? + + opulento homini hoc servitus dura est, + hoc magis miser est divitis servos + noctesque diesque assiduo satis superque est, + quod facto aut dicto adeost opus, quietus ne sis. + + This is where it comes hard slaving it for a nabob, this is + where a plutocrat’s servant is worse off--night and day + there’s work enough and more for him, no end, always + something to be done, yes, or said, so that you can’t rest. + + ipse dominus dives, operis et laboris expers, 170 + quodcumque homini accidit libere, posse retur: + aequom esse putat, non reputat laboris quid sit[10] (172) + ergo in servitute expetunt multa iniqua: (174) + habendum et ferundum hoc onust cum labore. + + And your plutocrat of a master, that never does a handsturn + of work himself, takes it for granted that any whim that + comes into a man’s head can be gratified: yes, he counts + that the fair thing, and never takes account of how much + the work is. Ah, I tell you, there’s a great deal of + injustice this slavery lets you in for: you’ve got to take + your load and carry it, and that is work. + +_Mer._ + + Satius me queri illo modo servitutem: + hodie qui fuerim liber, + cum nunc potivit pater servitutis, + his qui verna natus est queritur. + + (_aside_) It would be more in order for Mercury to do some + of this grumbling about menial station--was free this very + day, and now his father has made a slave of him. It’s this + fellow, a born drudge, that is grumbling. + +_Sos._ + + Sum vero verna verbero: num numero mi in mentem fuit, 180 + dis advenientem gratias pro meritis agere atque alloqui? + ne illi edepol si merito meo referre studeant gratiam, + aliquem hominem allegent qui mihi advenienti os occillet probe, + quoniam bene quae in me fecerunt ingrata ea habui atque inrita. + + (_frightened again_) I need a drubbing, I do, drudge + that I am. I was not too quick, was I, to think of + addressing the gods and giving ’em due thanks on my arrival? + Oh Lord! if they took a notion to pay me back my dues, + they’d commission some one to mash my face for me in fine + shape on my arrival, now that I haven’t appreciated the good + turns they’ve done me and have let ’em go for nothing. + (_makes sure he is safe_) + +_Mer._ + + Facit ille quod volgo haud solent, ut quid se sit dignum sciat. + + (_aside_) Rather uncommon that,--his knowing what he + deserves to get. + +_Sos._ + + Quod numquam opinatus fui neque alius quisquam civium + sibi eventurum, id contigit, ut salvi poteremur domi. + victores victis hostibus legiones reveniunt domum, + duello exstincto maximo atque internecatis hostibus. + + What I never dreamed would happen nor anyone else on our + side, either, has happened, and here we are safe and sound. + (_magnificently_) Our legions come back victorious, our + foes vanquished, a mighty contest concluded and our enemies + massacred to a man. + + quod multa Thebano poplo acerba obiecit funera, 190 + id vi et virtute militum victum atque expugnatum oppidum est + imperio atque auspicio eri mei Amphitruonis maxime. + praeda atque agro adoriaque adfecit populares suos + regique Thebano Creoni regnum stabilivit suom. + + The town that has brought an untimely death to many a + Theban citizen has been crushed and captured by the strength + and valour of our soldiery, aye, and chiefly under the + command and auspices of my own master, Amphitryon. He has + furnished forth his countrymen with booty and land and fame, + and fixed King Creon firm upon his Theban throne. + + me a portu praemisit domum, ut haec nuntiem uxori suae, + ut gesserit rem publicam ductu imperio auspicio suo. + ea nunc meditabor quo modo illi dicam, cum illo advenero. + si dixero mendacium, solens meo more fecero. + + (_subsiding_) As for me, he has sent me on ahead home from + the harbour to tell his wife the news: how the state was + served under the leadership, command, and auspices of--his + very own self. (_meditating_) Now let me think how I am to + tell her the tale when I get there. If I do work in a lie or + two, it won’t be anything extraordinary for me. + + nam cum pugnabant maxume, ego tum fugiebam maxume; + verum quasi adfuerim tamen simulabo atque audita eloquar. 200 + sed quo modo et verbis quibus me deceat fabularier, + prius ipse mecum etiam volo his meditari. sic hoc proloquar. + + The fact is, it was just when they were doing their hardest + fighting that I was doing my hardest running. Oh well, I’ll + pretend I was there just the same, and recite what I heard + tell about it. But the neatest way to narrate my story-- + and the words to use--I must practise a bit by myself + beforehand here. + + Principio ut illo advenimus, ubi primum terram tetigimus, + continuo Amphitruo delegit viros primorum principes; + eos legat, Telobois iubet sententiam ut dicant suam; + si sine vi et sine hello velint rapta et raptores tradere, + si quae asportassent redderent, se exercitum extemplo domum + reducturum, abituros agro Argivos, pacem atque otium + dare illis; sin aliter sient animati neque dent quae petat, + sese igitur summa vi virisque eorum oppidum oppugnassere. 210 + + (_pauses_) Here’s how we’ll begin. (_lays lantern down and + addresses supposed Alcmena importantly_) First and foremost, + when we reached there, as soon as we had touched land, + straightway Amphitryon picks out the most illustrous of his + captains. These he sends forth as legates and bids convey + his terms to the Teloboians, to wit: should they wish, + without contention and without strife, to deliver up pillage + and pillagers and restore whatsoever they had carried off, + he himself would lead his army home forthwith and the + Argives would leave their land and grant them peace and + quietude; but were they otherwise disposed, and disinclined + to yield what he sought, he would thereupon with all the + force at his command make onslaught on their city. + + Haec ubi Telobois ordine iterarunt quos praefecerat + Amphitruo, magnanimi viri freti virtute et viribus + superbe nimis ferociter legates nostros increpant, + respondent bello se et suos tutari posse, proinde uti + propere irent, de suis finibus exercitus deducerent. + haec ubi legati pertulere, Amphitruo castris ilico + producit omnem exercitum. Teloboae contra ex oppido + legiones educunt suas nimis pulcris armis praeditas. + + When Amphitryon’s ambassadors had duly made this + proclamation to the Teloboians, they, doughty warriors, + confiding in their courage and glorying in their strength, + made right rough and haughty answer to our embassy, saying + that they could defend themselves and theirs by force of + arms, and that accordingly they should depart at once + and lead their troops out from the Teloboian borders. On + receiving this report from his legates, Amphitryon at once + led forth his whole army from camp. And from the city, too, + the Teloboians led out their legions in goodly panoply. + + postquam utrimque exitum est maxima copia, + dispertiti viri, dispertiti ordines, 220 + nos nostras more nostro et modo instruximus + legiones, item hostes contra legiones suas instruont. + + After both sides had marched out in full force, troops + arrayed, and ranks arrayed, we drew up our legions according + to our usual method and manner: our foemen likewise draw up + their legions facing ours. + + deinde utrique imperatores in medium exeunt, + extra turbam ordinum colloquontur simul. + convenit, victi utri sint eo proelio, + urbem agrum aras focos seque uti dederent. + + Then forward into the centre of the field stride the + leaders of both hosts, and there out beyond the serried + lines they hold colloquy. This pact was made, that they + who were conquered in this battle should surrender city + and land, shrines, homes, and persons. + + postquam id actum est, tubae contra utrimque occanunt, + consonat terra, clamorem utrimque efferunt. + imperator utrimque, hinc et illinc, Iovi + vota suscipere, utrimque hortari exercitum. 230 + + This done, the trumpets blared on either side; earth echoes; + on either side the battle cry is raised. The generals on + either side, both here and there, offer their vows to Jove, + and on either side cheer their warriors. + + tum pro se quisque id quod quisque potest et valet + edit, ferro ferit, tela frangunt, boat + caelum fremitu virum, ex spiritu atque anhelitu + nebula constat, cadunt volnerum vi viri. + + Then each man lays about him with his every ounce of + strength and strikes home with his blade: lances shiver: + the welkin rings with the roar of heroes: up from their + gasping, panting breath a cloud arises: men drop beneath + the weight of wounds. + + Denique, ut voluimus, nostra superat manus: + hostes crebri cadunt, nostri contra ingruont vi[11] feroces. + sed[12] fugam in se tamen nemo convortitur + nec recedit loco quin statim rem gerat; + animam omittunt prius quam loco demigrent: 240 + quisque ut steterat iacet optinetque ordinem. + + At last, as we wished, our host prevails: the foemen fall in + heaps: on and on we press, fired by our might. Yet for all + that, none turns in flight nor yields an inch, but stands + his ground and hews away. They lose their lives sooner than + quit their post. As each had stood, so he lies, and keeps + the line unbroken. + + hoc ubi Amphitruo erus conspicatust, + ilico equites iubet dextera inducere. + equites parent citi: ab dextera maximo + cum clamore involant impetu alacri, + foedant et proterunt hostium copias + iure iniustas. + + When my lord Amphitryon noted this, he straightway ordered + that the cavalry on our right be led to the charge. Swift + they obey, and with terrific yells swooping down from the + right in mad career they mangle and trample underfoot the + forces of our foes and right our wrongs. (_wipes his brow + and meditates_) + +_Mer._ + + Numquam etiam quicquam adhuc verborum est prolocutus perperam: + namque ego fui illi in re praesenti et meus, cum pugnatum est, pater. + + (_aside_) Not a single, solitary word of fiction has he + uttered yet: for I was there myself while the battle was + actually going on, and my father too. + +_Sos._ + + Perduelles penetrant se in fugam; ibi nostris animus additust: 250 + vortentibus Telobois telis complebantur corpora, + ipsusque Amphitruo regem Pterelam sua obtruncavit manu. + haec illic est pugnata pugna usque a mani ad vesperum-- + hoc adeo hoc commemini magis, quia illo die inpransus fui-- + sed proelium id tandem diremit nox interventu suo. + + (_gathering himself together_) Their warriors take to + flight; at this new courage animates our men. When the + Teloboians turn their backs we stick them full of spears, + and Amphitryon himself cut down King Pterelas with his own + hand. This fight was fought out all through the day there + from morn till eve. (_reflectively_) I remember this + point more distinctly because that noon I went without my + lunch. But darkness at last intervened and terminated the + engagement. + + postridie in castra ex urbe ad nos veniunt flentes principes: + velatis manibus orant ignoscamus peccatum suom, + deduntque se, divina humanaque omnia, urbem et liberos + indicionem atque in arbitratum cuncti Thebano poplo. + post ob virtutem ero Amphitruoni patera donata aurea est, 260 + qui Pterela potitare solitus est rex. haec sic dicam erae + nunc pergam eri imperium exequi et me domum capessere. + + The following day their foremost men come tearfully from the + city to our camp, their hands veiled in suppliant wise, and + entreat us to pardon their transgression: and one and all + they surrender their persons, their entire possessions + sacred and profane, their city and their children to the + Theban people to have and to hold as they deem fit. Then, + for his valour, my lord Amphitryon was presented with a + golden bowl from which King Pterelas was wont to drink. + (_heaves deep sigh of relief_) This is how I will tell it + to the mistress. Now I’ll go finish up the job for master + and take myself home. (_picks up lantern_) + +_Mer._ + + Attat, illic huc iturust. ibo ego illi obviam, + neque ego huc hominem hodie ad aedis has sinam umquam accedere; + quando imago est huius in me, certum est hominem eludere. + et enim vero quoniam formam cepi huius in med et statum, + decet et facta moresque huius habere me similes item, + itaque me malum esse oportet, callidum, astutum admodum + atque hunc, telo suo sibi, malitia a foribus pellere. + sed quid illuc est? caelum aspectat. observabo quam rem agat. 270 + + (_aside_) Oho! about to come this way! I’ll step up and + meet him. The fellow shall never reach this house at present: + I won’t have it. Now that I am his double I fully intend to + befool the fellow. And I say, considering I have taken on + his looks and dress, it is appropriate for me to ape his + ways and general conduct, too. I must be a sly rapscallion, + then, shifty as the deuce, yes, and drive him away from the + door with his own weapon, roguery. (_looking at Sosia who is + gaping at the stars_) What’s he at, though? Staring at the + sky! I must keep an eye on him. + +_Sos._ + + Certe edepol, si quicquamst aliud quod credam aut certo sciam, + credo ego hac noctu Nocturnum obdormivisse ebrium. + nam neque se Septentriones quoquam in caelo commovent, + neque se Luna quoquam mutat atque uti exorta est semel, + nec Iugulae neque Vesperugo neque Vergiliae occidunt. + ita statim stant signa, neque nox quoquam concedit die. + + My goodness, if there’s anything I can believe or know for + sure, I surely do believe old Nocturnus went to bed this + night in liquor. Why, the Great Bear hasn’t moved a step + anywhere in the sky, and the moon’s just as it was when it + first rose, and Orion’s Belt, and the Evening Star, and the + Pleiades aren’t setting, either. Yes, the constellations are + standing stock still, and no sign of day anywhere. + +_Mer._ + + Perge, Nox, ut occepisti, gere patri morem meo: + optumo optume optumam operam das, datam pulchre locas. + + (_aside_) Go on as you have begun, Night: oblige my + father: you’re doing splendidly in a splendid work for a + splendid deity: you’ll find it a fine investment. + +_Sos._ + + Neque ego hac nocte longiorem me vidisse censeo, + nisi item unam, verberatus quam pependi perpetem; 280 + eam quoque edepol etiam multo haec vicit longitudine. + credo edepol equidem dormire Solem, atque adpotum probe; + mira sunt nisi invitavit sese in cena plusculum. + + I don’t think I ever did see a longer night--barring that + one when I got whipped and was left strung up till morning. + And goodness me, in length this one’s way ahead of even that + one. Gad, I certainly do believe old Sol’s asleep, asleep + and dead drunk. It’s a wonder if he hasn’t drunk his own + health a bit too much at dinner. + +_Mer._ + + Ain vero, verbero? deos esse tui similis putas? + ego pol te istis tuis pro dictis et male factis, furcifer, + accipiam; modo sis veni huc: invenies infortunium. + + (_aside_) So, you scoundrel? Think the gods are like + yourself, eh? By heaven, I’ll give you a reception to match + this talk and roguery of yours, you gallows-bird. Just you + be good enough to step this way, and you shall meet with a + mishap. + +_Sos._ + + Ubi sunt isti scortatores, qui soli inviti cubant? + haec nox scita est exercendo scorto conducto male. + + Where are those young blades that hate a lonely couch? Here + is your lovely night for gallivanting with an expensive lady. + + +_Mer._ + + Meus pater nunc pro huius verbis recte et sapienter facit, + qui complexus cum Alcumena cubat amans animo obsequens. 290 + + (_aside_) According to this chap, my father’s making good, + intelligent use of his time--loving to his heart’s content + with Alcmena in his fond embrace. + +_Sos._ + + Ibo ut erus quod imperavit Alcumenae nuntiem. + sed quis hic est homo, quem ante aedis video hoc noctis? non placet. + + Now for the message master told me to give mistress. + (_aside as he moves toward house and sees Mercury_) + But who’s that fellow in front of the house at this time + o’ night? (_halts, frightened_) I don’t like it. + +_Mer._ + + Nullust hoc metuculosus aeque. + + (_aside_) Of all the pusillanimous rogues! + +_Sos._ + + Mi in mentem venit, + illic homo hoc de umero volt pallium detexere. + + (_aside_) It looks to me as if this fellow wants to take my + cloak off for me. + +_Mer._ + + Timet homo: deludam ego illum. + + (_aside_) Our friend is scared: we’ll have some sport with + him. + +_Sos._ + + Perii, dentes pruriunt; + certe advenientem hic me hospitio pugneo accepturus est. + credo misericors est: nunc propterea quod me meus erus + fecit ut vigilarem, hic pugnis faciet hodie ut dormiam. + oppido interii. obsecro hercle, quantus et quam validus est. + + (_aside_) Oh Lord, my teeth do--itch! He’s going to give me + a welcome on my arrival, he surely is,--a fisty welcome! + He’s a kind-hearted soul, I do believe. Seeing how master’s + kept me awake all night, he’s going to up with his fists now + and put me to sleep. Oh, I’m dead entirely! For God’s sake + look at the size of him, and strong, heavens! + +_Mer._ + + Clare advorsum fabulabor, ut his auscultet quae loquar; 300 + igitur magis demum maiorem in sese concipiet metum, + agite, pugni, iam diu est quom ventri victum non datis: + iam pridem videtur factum, heri quod homines quattuor + in soporem collocastis nudos. + + (_aside_) I’ll speak out aloud, so that he can hear what I + say, and then I warrant he’ll feel shakier still. (_loudly, + with melodramatic fierceness_) Fists, be up and doing! ’Tis + long since ye have made provision for my paunch. It seems an + age since yesterday when ye stripped stark four men and laid + them away in slumber. + +_Sos._ + + Formido male, + ne ego hic nomen meum commutem et Quintus fiam e Sosia; + quattuor nudos sopori se dedisse hic autumat; + metuo ne numerum augeam illum. + + (_aside_) Oh, but I’m awfully scared my name will be changed + here and now, from Sosia to Sosia the Fifth. Four men he’s + stripped already and sent to slumberland, so he says: I’m + afraid I’m going to swell that list. + +_Mer._ + + Em, nunciam ergo: sic volo. + + (_tightening his girdle_) There, now then! ’Tis well. + +_Sos._ + + Cingitur; certe expedit se. + + (_aside_) Loins girded! He is surely getting ready for + business. + +_Mer._ + + Non feret quin vapulet. + + He shall not escape a trouncing. + +_Sos._ + + Quis homo? + + (_aside, anxiously_) Who, who? + +_Mer._ + + Quisquis homo huc profecto venerit, pugnos edet. + + I tell ye, any man that comes this way shall eat fists. + +_Sos._ + + Apage, non placet me hoc noctis esse: cenavi modo: 310 + proin tu istam cenam largire, si sapis, esurientibus. + + (_aside_) No you don’t! I don’t care about eating at this + time o’ night. It wasn’t long ago I dined. So if you’ve got + any sense, you just bestow that dinner on the hungry. + +_Mer._ + + Haud malum huic est pondus pugno. + + (_examining his right fist_) There’s some weight in that + fist. + +_Sos._ + + Perii, pugnos ponderat. + + (_aside_) I’m finished! He’s a-weighing his fists! + +_Mer._ + + Quid si ego illum tractim tangam, ut dormiat? + + (_sparring_) What if I should stroke him softly into + somnolence? + +_Sos._ + + Servaveris, + nam contiuas has tris noctes pervigilavi. + + (_aside_) You’d save my life: I haven’t slept a wink + for three nights running. + +_Mer._ + Pessumest, + facimus nequiter, ferire malam male discit manus; + alia forma esse oportet quem tu pugno legeris. + + (_swinging heavily_) Downright sinful, this! This is a + shame! ’Tis wrong of my arm to learn really to jab a jaw! + (_to arm as he feels biceps_) Merely graze a man with + thy fist and his shape must needs be altered. + +_Sos._ + + Illic homo me interpolabit meumque os finget denuo. + + (_aside_) That bully’s going to do me up and mould my face + all over again for me. + +_Mer._ + + Exossatum os esse oportet quem probe percusseris. + + The face that thou shalt smite in earnest is bound + thereafter to be boneless. + +_Sos._ + + Mirum ni hic me quasi murenam exossare cogitat. + ultro istunc qui exossat homines, perii, si me aspexerit. 320 + + (_aside_) Sure enough he’s reckoning on boning me like + a lamprey. I--I object to these man-boners. It’s all up if + he catches sight of me. + +_Mer._ + + Olet homo quidam malo suo. + + (_sniffing the air_) Ha! I smell somebody, and woe to him! + +_Sos._ + + Ei, numnam ego obolui? + + (_aside_) Oh, dear! It can’t be he’s got a whiff of me? + +_Mer._ + + Atque haud longe abesse oportet, verum longe hinc afuit. + + Aye, and he must be near at hand, albeit he has been afar + from here. + +_Sos._ + + Illi homo superstitiosust. + + (_aside_) The fellow’s got second sight. + +_Mer._ + + Gestiunt pugni mihi. + + My fists are rampant. + +_Sos._ + + Si in me exercituru’s, quaeso in parietem ut primum domes. + + (_in low tone_) If you intend to put ’em through their + paces on me, for heaven’s sake break ’em in first on the + wall. + +_Mer._ + + Vox mi ad aures advolavit. + + A voice hath flown unto my ear. + +_Sos._ + + Ne ego homo infelix fui, + qui non alas intervelli: volucrem vocem gestito. + + (_aside_) There you are! I swear I am an unlucky devil + not to have clipped its wings, and me with such a bird-like + voice. + +_Mer._ + + Illic homo a me sibi malam rem arcessit iumento suo. + + Yon wight doth summon me to wallop his beast’s back for him. + +_Sos._ + + Non equidem ullum habeo iumentum. + + (_aside_) Never a beast do I own, not I. + +_Mer._ + + Onerandus est pugnis probe. + + He needs a lusty load of buffets. + +_Sos._ + + Lassus sum hercle, navi ut vectus huc sum: etiam nunc nauseo; + vix incedo inanis, ne ire posse cum onere existimes. 330 + + (_in low tone_) Oh Lord! and me all done up with that + sea trip home! I’m seasick even now. It’s all I can do to + stump along empty handed, so don’t think I can travel with + a load. + +_Mer._ + + Certe enim his nescio quis loquitur. + + Yea, of a truth some one is talking here. + +_Sos._ + + Salvos sum, non me videt: + nescioquem loqui autumat; mihi certo nomen Sosiaest. + + (_in lower tone_) Saved! He doesn’t see me. It’s Some + one he says is talking: and my same is Sosia, I know that + for a fact. + +_Mer._ + + Hinc enim mihi dextra vox auris, ut videtur, verberat. + + Yes, a voice from the right here, as it seems, doth strike + my ear. + +_Sos._ + + Metuo, vocis ne vicem hodie hic vapulem, quae hunc verberat. + + (_aside_) I’m afraid he’ll soon pummel me instead of my + voice for its striking him. (_steps forward timidly_) + +_Mer._ + + Optume eccum incedit ad me. + + Oho! Splendid! He moves this way. + +_Sos._ + + Timeo, totus torpeo. + non edepol nunc ubi terrarum sim scio, si quis roget, + neque miser me commovere possum prae formidine. + ilicet, mandata eri perierunt una et Sosia. + verum certum est confidenter hominem contra conloqui, + qui possim videri huic fortis, a me ut abstineat manum. 340 + + (_aside_) I’m scared, I’m simply stiff! Good gracious, + I don’t know where in the world I am, not if anyone asked + me. Oh dear, I can’t move a step for fear! This ends me! + Master’s orders are done for, and Sosia, too. But I’m + resolved--I’m going to speak right up to him boldly, so that + I can make him think I’m a dangerous character and let me + be. (_tries to swagger_) + +_Mer._ + + Quo ambulas, tu qui Volcanum in cornu conclusum geris? + + Whither dost stroll, thou who conveyest (_pointing to + lantern_) Vulcan pent within yon horn? + +_Sos._ + + Quid id exquiris tu, qui pugnis os exossas hominibus? + + What dost want to know for, thou who bonest folks’ faces for + ’em with yon fists? + +_Mer._ + + Servosne es an liber? + + Art slave or free? + +_Sos._ + Utcumque animo conlibitum est meo. + + Whichever I please. + +_Mer._ + + Ain vero? + + So? In sooth? + +_Sos._ + + Aio enim vero. + + Yes, so in sooth. + +_Mer._ + + Verbero. + + Thou whipped slave! + +_Sos._ + + Mentiris nunc. + + You lie: I’m none. + +_Mer._ + + At iam faciam ut verum dixas dicere. + + (_advancing_) But I shall soon make thee say ’tis true. + +_Sos._ + + Quid eo est opus? + + (_shrinking back_) Oh, what’s the use of that? + +_Mer._ + + Possum scire, quo profectus, cuius sis aut quid veneris? + + (_sternly_) May I be informed where thou art bound, who owns + thee, or why thou camest? (_halts_) + +_Sos._ + + Huc eo, eri iussu, eius sum servos. numquid nunc es certior? + + (_encouraged_) I’m bound for here--master’s orders--and I’m + his slave. Are you any wiser now? + +_Mer._ + + Ego tibi istam hodie, sceleste, comprimam linguam. + + I’ll soon make thee hold thy tongue, miscreant! + +_Sos._ + + Haud potes: + bene pudiceque adservatur. + + No chance, she’s chaperoned in nice modest fashion. + +_Mer._ + + Pergin argutarier? + quid apud hasce aedis negoti est tibi? + + Still at thy quips, eh? What business hast thou at this + house? + +_Sos._ + + Immo quid tibi est? 350 + + Well, and what have you? + +_Mer._ + + Rex Creo vigiles nocturnos singulos semper locat. + + King Creon posts separate sentries about here every night. + +_Sos._ + + Bene facit: quia nos eramus peregre, tutatust domi; + at nunc abi sane, advenisse familiares dicito. + + (_in superior manner_) Much obliged. Seeing we were abroad, + he’s kept guard for us at home. But now you can be off: say + the family servants have got back. + +_Mer._ + + Nescio quam tu familiaris sis: nisi actutum hinc abis, + familiaris accipiere faxo haud familiariter. + + Thou a family servant, indeed! Unless thou dost disappear + instantly, I warrant ye I’ll welcome servants of the family + with strange familiarity. + +_Sos._ + + Hic inquam habito ego atque horunc servos sum. + + Here’s where I live, I tell you. This is my master’s house. + +_Mer._ + + At scin quo modo? + faciam ego hodie te superbum, nisi hinc abis. + + But knowest thou what? I’ll soon be making an exalted man of + thee, an’ thou decampest not. + +_Sos._ + + Quonam modo? + + Exalted! How is that? + +_Mer._ + + Auferere, non abibis, si ego fustem sumpsero. + + You shall be carried off on people’s shoulders--no walking-- + once I take my club to you. + +_Sos._ + + Quin me esse huius familiai familiarem praedico. + + I’m a member of the household here, I do avow. + +_Mer._ + + Vide sis quam mox vapulare vis, nisi actutum hinc abis. 360 + + Kindly consider how soon you want a thrashing, unless you + vanish instantly. + +_Sos._ + + Tun domo prohibere peregre me advenientem postulas? + + So you want to forbid me the house when I’m getting back + from foreign parts, you? + +_Mer._ + + Haecine tua domust? + + Is this the house where you belong? + +_Sos._ + + Ita inquam. + + That’s what I say. + +_Mer._ + + Quis erus est igitur tibi? + + Who is your master, then? + +_Sos._ + Amphitruo, qui nunc praefectust Thebanis legionibus, + quicum nupta est Alcumena. + + Amphitryon, now in command of the Theban army, and his wife + is Alcmena. + +_Mer._ + + Quid ais? quid nomen tibi est? + + How say you? Your name! + +_Sos._ + + Sosiam vocant Thebani, Davo prognatum patre. + + Sosia the Thebans call me, Sosia, son of Davus. + +_Mer._ + + Ne tu istic hodie malo tuo compositis mendaciis + advenisti, audaciai columen, consutis dolis. + + Ah! ’twas an evil hour for thee, when thou camest here, + thou pinnacle of impudence, with thy premeditated lies and + patched-up fabrications. + +_Sos._ + + Immo equidem tunicis consutis huc advenio, non dolis. + + You’re wrong, I vow: I’ve come with my tunic patched up, + not my fabrications. + +_Mer._ + + At mentiris etiam: certo pedibus, non tunicis venis. + + Ha, lying again! Thou dost clearly come with thy feet, not + thy tunic. + +_Sos._ + + Ita profecto. + + (_dryly_) Naturally. + +_Mer._ + + Nunc profecto vapula ob mendacium. 370 + + And naturally now get thrashed for fibbing. + (_advances_) + +_Sos._ + + Non edepol volo profecto. + + (_retreats_) Oh dear, I object, naturally. + +_Mer._ + + At pol profecto ingratiis. + hoc quidem profecto certum est, non est arbitrarium. + + Oh well, naturally that is immaterial. My “naturally,” + at least, is a cold hard fact, no matter of opinion. + (_beats him_) + +_Sos._ + + Tuam fidem obsecro. + + (_squirming_) Easy, easy, for Heaven’s sake! + +_Mer._ + + Tun te audes Sosiam esse dicere, + qui ego sum? + + Durst say that thou art Sosia when I am he? + +_Sos._ + + Perii. + + Murder! murder! + +_Mer._ + + Parum etiam, praeut futurum est, praedicas. + quoius nunc es? + + (_continuing to beat him_) Murder? A mere nothing compared + with what is coming. Whose are you now? + +_Sos._ + + Tuos, nam pugnis usu fecisti tuom. + pro fidem, Thebani cives. + + Yours! Your fists have got a title to me by limitation. + Help, Thebans, help! + +_Mer._ + + Etiam clamas, carnifex? + loquere, quid venisti? + + So? Bellowing, varlet? Speak up, why camest thou? + +_Sos._ + + Ut esset quem tu pugnis caederes. + + Just to give you some one to punch, sir. + +_Mer._ + + Cuius es? + + Whose are you? + +_Sos._ + + Amphitruonis, inquam, Sosia. + + Amphitryon’s Sosia, I tell you. + +_Mer._ + + Ergo istoc magis, + quia vaniloquo’s, vapulabis: ego sum, non tu, Sosia. + + Well then, you shall be pummelled the more for talking + nonsense. You Sosia! I am he myself. + +_Sos._ + + Ita di faciant, ut tu potius sis atque ego te ut verberem. 380 + + (_in low tone_) I wish to God you were, instead of me, and I + was thumping you. + +_Mer._ + + Etiam muttis? + + Ha! Muttering, eh? + +_Sos._ + + Iam tacebo. + + I won’t, I won’t, sir! + +_Mer._ + + Quis tibi erust? + + Who is your master? + +_Sos._ + + Quem tu voles. + + Anyone you like, sir. + +_Mer._ + + Quid igitur? qui nunc vocare? + + Indeed? And your name now? + +_Sos._ + + Nemo nisi quem iusseris. + + Nothing but what you order, sir. + +_Mer._ + + Amphitruonis te esse aiebas Sosiam. + + You were saying you were Amphitryon’s Sosia. + +_Sos._ + + Peccaveram. + nam Amphitruonis[13] socium ne me esse volui dicere. + + All a mistake, sir; “Amphitryon’s associate” I meant, sir, + really I did. + +_Mer._ + + Sciebam equidem nullum esse nobis nisi me servom Sosiam. + fugit te ratio. + + Ah, I knew quite well there was no servant Sosia at our + place except me. You made a slip. + +_Sos._ + + Utinam istuc pugni fecissent tui. + + Oh, how I wish your fists had! + +_Mer._ + + Ego sum Sosia ille quem tu dudum esse aiebas mihi. + + I am that Sosia you claimed to be a while ago. + +_Sos._ + + Obsecro ut per pacem liceat te alloqui, ut ne vapulem. + + For heaven’s sake, sir, let me have a word with you in peace + without getting pummelled. + +_Mer._ + + Immo indutiae parumper fiant, si quid vis loqui. + + No peace--but I consent to a short armistice, if you have + anything to say. + +_Sos._ + + Non loquar nisi pace facta, quando pugnis plus vales. 390 + + I won’t say it, not unless peace is made: your fists are too + much for me. + +_Mer._ + + Dic si quid vis, non nocebo. + + Out with what you want: I shall not hurt you! + +_Sos._ + + Tuae fide credo? + + Can I take your word for that? + +_Mer._ + + Meae. + + You can. + +_Sos._ + + Quid si falles? + + What if you fool me? + +_Mer._ + + Tum Mercurius Sosiae iratus siet. + + (_solemnly_) Then may Sosia feel the wrath of Mercury! + +_Sos._ + + Animum advorte. nunc licet mihi libere quidvis loqui. + Amphitruonis ego sum servos Sosia. + + Listen here, sir. Now I’m free to come out plain with + anything. I am Amphitryon’s Sosia, I am. + +_Mer._ + + Etiam denuo? + + (_advancing_) What? Again? + +_Sos._ + + Pacem feci, foedus feci. vera dico. + + (_vigorously_) I made peace--I struck a treaty! It’s + the truth. + +_Mer._ + + Vapula. + + Be thrashed to you! + +_Sos._ + + Ut libet quid tibi libet fac, quoniam pugnis plus vales; + verum, utut es facturus, hoc quidem hercle haud reticebo tamen. + + Suit yourself, do what suits you, seeing your fists are too + much for me. (_doggedly_) But just the same, no matter what + you do, I won’t keep that back, by gad, not that. + +_Mer._ + + Tu me vivos hodie numquam facies quin sim Sosia. + + You shall never live to make me anyone but Sosia, never. + +_Sos._ + + Certe edepol tu me alienabis numquam quin noster siem; + nec nobis praeter med alius quisquam est servos Sosia.[14] 400 + + And by thunder, you shall never do me out of being our + family’s servant. No sir, and I’m the only servant Sosia we + have. + +_Mer._ + + Hic homo sanus non est. + + The man is crazy. + +_Sos._ + + Quod mihi praedicas vitium, id tibi est. (402) + quid, malum, non sum ego servos Amphitruonis Sosia? + nonne hac noctu nostra navis huc ex portu Persico + venit, quae me advexit? nonne me huc erus misit meus? + + Crazy? You’re putting your own complaint off on to me. + (_half to himself_) See here, dash it, an’t I Amphitryon’s + servant Sosia? Didn’t our ship arrive this night from Port + Persicus, and I on it? Didn’t my own master send me here? + + nonne ego nunc sto ante aedes nostras? non mi est lanterna in manu? + non loquor, non vigilo? nonne hic homo modo me pugnis contudit? + fecit hercle, nam etiam misero nunc mihi malae dolent. + quid igitur ego dubito, aut cur non intro eo in nostram domum? + + An’t I standing in front of our own house this minute? + Haven’t I got a lantern in my hand? An’t I talking? An’t + I awake? Didn’t this chap just give me a bruising? Lord, + but he did! Why, my poor jaws ache even now. What am I + hesitating for, then? Or why don’t I go inside our house? + +_Mer._ + + Quid, domum vostram? + + What? Your house? + +_Sos._ + + Ita enim vero. + +Yes, just so. + +_Mer._ + Quin quae dixisti modo 410 + omnia ementitu’s: equidem Sosia Amphitruonis sum. + nam noctu hac soluta est navis nostra e portu Persico, + et ubi Pterela rex regnavit oppidum expugnavimus. + et legiones Teloboarum vi pugnando cepimus, + et ipsus Amphitruo optruncavit regem Pterelam in proelio. + + You lie, I tell you: your every word has been a lie. I am + Amphitryon’s Sosia, beyond dispute. Why, this very night we + unmoored and left Port Persicus; and we have seized the city + where King Pterelas held sway; and we subdued the legions of + the Teloboians by our sturdy onslaught; and Amphitryon + himself slew King Pterelas on the field of battle. + +_Sos._ + + Egomet mihi non credo, cum illaec autumare illum audio; + hic quidem certe quae illic sunt res gestae memorat memoriter. + sed quid ais? quid Amphitruoni doni a Telobois datum est? + + (_aside_) I can’t believe my own ears when I hear that + fellow going on so. My word, he certainly does reel our + doings there all off pat. (_aloud_) But I say--what was + Amphitryon presented with from the Teloboian spoils? + +_Mer._ + + Pterela rex qui potitare solitus est patera aurea. + + A golden bowl that King Pterelas was wont to drink from. + +_Sos._ + + Elocutus est. ubi patera nunc est? + + (_aside_) He’s hit it! (_aloud_) Where is the bowl now? + +_Mer._ + + Est in cistula; 420 + Amphitruonis obsignata signo est. + + In a little chest, sealed with Amphitryon’s signet. + +_Sos._ + + Signi dic quid est? + + What’s on the signet, tell me that? + +_Mer._ + + Cum quadrigis Sol exoriens. quid me captas, carnufex? + + Sol rising in a four horse chariot. (_blustering_) Why this + attempt to catch me, caitiff? + +_Sos._ + + Argumentis vicit, aliud nomen quaerundum est mihi. + nescio unde haec hic spectavit. iam ego hunc decipiam probe; + nam quod egomet solus feci, nec quisquam alius affuit, + in tabernaclo, id quidem hodie numquam poterit dicere. + si tu Sosia es, legiones cum pugnabant maxume, + quid in tabernaclo fecisti? victus sum, si dixeris. + + (_aside_) This evidence settles me. I’ve got to find me + a new name. I don’t understand where he saw all this from. + (_reflecting_) Ah, now I’ll trick him in good style. Yes, + something I did when I was all alone, and not another soul + there, in the tent,--he’ll never be able to tell me about + that, anyway. (_aloud_) Well, if you’re Sosia, what did you + do in the tent when the soldiers were in the thick of the + fight? Answer me that and I give in. + +_Mer._ + + Cadus erat vini: inde implevi hirneam. + + There was a cask of wine: I drew off a jugful. + +_Sos._ + + Ingressust viam. + + (_aside_) He’s on the right track. + +_Mer._ + + Eam ego, ut matre fuerat natum, vini eduxi meri. 430 + + Then I drained it, wine pure as it came from its mother. + +_Sos._ + + Factum est illud, ut ego illic vini hirneam ebiberim meri. + mira sunt nisi latuit intus illic in illac hirnea. + + (_aside_) That’s a fact--I did drink off a jug of wine, + neat. Most probably the fellow was hiding in that same jug! + +_Mer._ + + Quid nunc? vincon argumentis, te non esse Sosiam? + + Well, have I convinced you that you are not Sosia? + +_Sos._ + + Tu negas med esse? + + You deny it, do you? + +_Mer._ + + Quid ego ni negem, qui egomet siem? + + Of course I deny it, being Sosia myself. + +_Sos._ + + Per Iovem iuro med esse neque me falsum dicere. + + No, I am,--I swear it by Jupiter, and swear I’m not lying, + too! + +_Mer._ + + At ego per Mercurium iuro, tibi Iovem non credere; + nam iniurato scio plus credet mihi quam iurato tibi. + + But I swear by Mercury that Jupiter disbelieves you. Why, + man, he will take my bare word against your solemn oath, no + doubt about it. + +_Sos._ + + Quis ego sum saltem, si non sum Sosia? te interrogo. + + For mercy’s sake who am I, if I’m not Sosia? I ask you that. + +_Mer._ + + Ubi ego Sosia nolim esse, tu esto sane Sosia; + nunc, quando ego sum, vapulabis, ni hinc abis, ignobilis. 440 + + When I do not wish to be Sosia, be Sosia yourself, by all + means. Now that I am he, you either pack, or take a + thrashing, you unknown riff raff. + +_Sos._ + + Certe edepol, quom illum contemplo et formam cognosco meam, + quem ad modum ego sum--saepe in speculum inspexi--nimis similest mei; + itidem habet petasum ac vestitum: tam consimilest atque ego; + sura, pes, statura, tonsus, oculi, nasum vel labra, + malae, mentum, barba, collus: totus. quid verbis opust? + + (_aside, looking him over carefully_) Upon my soul, now I + look him over, and consider my own looks, my own appearance-- + I’ve peeped in a mirror many a time--he is precious like + me. Has on a travelling hat, yes, and clothes the same + as mine. He’s as like me as I am myself! Same leg--foot-- + height--haircut--eyes--nose--lips, even--jaw-- chin--beard-- + neck--everything. Well--well, well, well! + + si tergum cicatricosum, nihil hoc similist similius. + sed quom cogito, equidem certo idem sum qui semper fui. + novi erum, novi aedis nostras; sane sapio et sentio. + non ego illi obtempero quod loquitur, pultabo foris. + + If he’s got a backful of whip scars, you couldn’t find a + liker likeness anywhere. (_pause_) But--when I think it + over--I’m positive I’m the same man I always was, of course + I am. (_with growing conviction_) I know master, I know our + house. I’m sane and sound, I’ve got my senses. I won’t take + any notice of what he says, not I. I’ll knock at the door + (_moves toward Amphitryon’s house_) + +_Mer._ + + Quo agis te? + + (_blocking him off_) Where now? + +_Sos._ + + Domum. + + Home. + +_Mer._ + + Quadrigas si nunc inscendas Iovis 450 + atque hinc fugias, ita vix poteris effugere infortunium. + + (_advancing_) And shouldst thou climb into Jupiter’s four + horse chariot and seek to flee, e’en so thou canst hardly + fly misfortune. + +_Sos._ + + Nonne erae meae nuntiare quod erus meus iussit licet? + + I can tell my own mistress what my own master ordered me to + tell her, can’t I? + +_Mer._ + + Tuae si quid vis nuntiare: hanc nostram adire non sinam. + nam si me inritassis, hodie lumbifragium hinc auferes. + + Thy own mistress, aye,--whatever likes thee: but never shalt + thou approach ours here. Yea, provoke me, and thou draggest + hence a shipwreck of a man. (_advancing_) + +_Sos._ + + Abeo potius. di immortales, obsecro vostram fidem, + ubi ego perii? ubi immutatus sum? ubi ego formam perdidi? + an egomet me illic reliqui, si forte oblitus fui? + nam hic quidem omnem imaginem meam, quae antehac fuerat, possidet. + + (_retreating_) Don’t, don’t,--I’ll be off! (_aside_) Ye + immortal gods! For heaven’s sake, where did I lose myself? + Where was I transformed? Where did I drop my shape? I didn’t + leave myself behind at the harbour, did I, if I did happen + to forget it? For, my word, this fellow has got hold of my + complete image, mine that was! + + vivo fit quod numquam quisquam mortuo faciet mihi. + ibo ad portum atque haec uti sunt facta ero dicam meo; 460 + nisi etiam is quoque me ignorabit; quod ille faxit Iuppiter, + ut ego hodie raso capite calvos capiam pilleum. + + Here I am alive and folks carry my image--more than anyone + will ever do when I’m dead. I’ll go down to the harbour and + tell my master all about these goings on--that is unless + he doesn’t know me, too,--and I hope to Jupiter he won’t, + so that I may shave my hair off this very day and stick + my bald head in a freeman’s cap. [EXIT _Sosia._ + + +I. 2. + + Scene 2. + +_Mer._ + + Bene prospere hoc hodie operis processit mihi: + amovi a foribus maximam molestiam, + patri ut liceret tuto illam amplexarier. + iam ille illuc ad erum cum Amphitruonem advenerit, + narrabit servom hinc sese a foribus Sosiam + amovisse; ille adeo illum mentiri sibi + credet, neque credet huc profectum, ut iusserat. + + Well, my little affair has progressed finely, famously. + I have sent a confounded nuisance to the right-about from + the door and given my father a chance to embrace the lady + there in safety. Now when our friend gets back there to his + master, Amphitryon, he’ll tell his tale how it was servant + Sosia that packed him off. Yes, and then Amphitryon will + think he is lying, and never came here as he ordered. + + erroris ambo ego illos et dementiae 470 + complebo atque omnem Amphitruonis familiam, + adeo usque, satietatem dum capiet pater + illius quam amat. igitur demum omnes scient + quae facta. denique Alcumenam Iuppiter + rediget antiquam coniugi in concordiam. + + I’ll muddle up the pair of them, bedevil them completely, + and Amphitryon’s whole household, too, and keep it up till + my father has his fill of her whom he loves: then all shall + know the truth, but not before. And finally Jupiter will + renew the former harmony between Alcmena and her spouse. + + nam Amphitruo actutum uxori turbas conciet + atque insimulabit eam probri; tum meus pater + eam seditionem illi in tranquillum conferet. + nunc de Alcumena dudum quod dixi minus, + hodie illa pariet filios geminos duos 480 + + For you see, Amphitryon, will be raging at his wife shortly, + and accusing her of playing him false: then my father will + step in and quell the riot. Now about Alcmena--something I + left unsaid a while ago--now she shall bring forth twin + sons, + + alter decumo post mense nascetur puer + quam seminatust, alter mense septumo; + eorum Amphitruonis alter est, alter Iovis: + verum minori puero maior est pater, + minor maiori. iamne hoc scitis quid siet? + + one being a ten months’ boy, the other a seven. One is + Amphitryon’s child, the other Jove’s: the younger boy, + however, has the greater father, and vice versa. You see + how it is now, do you? + + sed Alcumenae huius honoris gratia + pater curavit uno ut fetu fieret, + uno ut labore absolvat aerumnas duas[15]. (488) + quamquam, ut iam dudum dixi, resciscet tamen 49l + Amphitruo rem omnem. quid igitur? nemo id probro + profecto ducet Alcumenae; nam deum + non par videtur facere, delictum suom + suamque ut culpam expetere in mortalem ut sinat. + + But out of consideration for Alcmena here, my father has + provided that there shall be only one parturition: he + intends to make one labour suffice for two. But Amphitryon, + though, as I told you some time since, will be informed of + the whole affair. But what of that? Certainly no one will + hold Alcmena guilty: no, no, it would seem highly unbecoming + for a god to let a mortal take the consequences of his + misdeeds and his indiscretions. + + orationem comprimam: crepuit foris. + Amphitruo subditivos eccum exit foras + cum Alcumena uxore usuraria. + + (_listening_) Enough of this: there goes the door. Ah, the + counterfeit Amphitryon comes out with his borrowed wife, + Alcmena! (_steps aside_) + + +I. 3. + + Scene 3. + + ENTER _Jupiter_ AND _Alcmena_ FROM THE HOUSE. + +_Iup._ + _Jup._ + + Bene vale, Alcumena, cura rem communem, quod facis; + atque inperce quaeso: menses iam tibi esse actos vides. 500 + mihi necesse est ire hinc; verum quod erit natum tollito. + + Good-bye and God bless you, my dear. Continue to look out + for our common interests, and do be sure not to overdo: you + are near your time now, you know. I am obliged to leave + you--but don’t expose the child. + +_Alc._ + + Quid istuc est, mi vir, negoti, quod tu tam subito domo abeas? + + (_plaintively_) Why, my husband, what is it takes you away + so suddenly? + +_Iup._ + _Jup._ + + Edepol haud quod tui me neque domi distaedeat; + sed ubi summus imperator non adest ad exercitum, + citius quod non facto est usus fit quam quod facto est opus. + + No weariness of you and home, I swear to that. But when the + commander-in-chief is not with his army, things are much + more liable to go wrong than right. + +_Mer._ + + Nimis hic scitust sycophanta, qui quidem meus sit pater. + observatote eum, quam blande muliori palpabitur. + + (_aside_) Ah, he’s a sly old dodger--does me[D] credit, + my father does! Notice how suavely he’ll smooth her down. + + [Footnote D: Mercury was the patron god of roguery.] + +_Alc._ + + Ecastor te experior quanti facias uxorem tuam. + + (_pouting_) Oh yes, I’m learning how much you think of your + wife. + +_Iup._ + _Jup._ + + Satin habes, si feminarum nulla est quam aeque diligam? + + (_fondly_) Isn’t it enough that you’re the dearest woman in + the world to me? (_embraces her_) + +_Mer._ + + Edepol ne illa si istis rebus te sciat operam dare 510 + ego faxim ted Amphitruonem esse malis, quam Iovem. + + (_aside_) Now, now, sir! Just let the lady up yonder + (_pointing thumb heavenward_) learn of your performances + here, and I’ll guarantee you’d rather be Amphitryon than + Jove. + +_Alc._ + + Experiri istuc mavellem me quam mi memorarier. + prius abis quam lectus ubi cubuisti concaluit locus. + heri venisti media nocte, nunc abis. hocin placet? + + Actions speak louder than words. Here you are leaving me + before your place on the couch had time to get warm. You + came last night at midnight, and now you are going. Does + that seem right? + +_Mer._ + + Accedam atque hanc appellabo et subparasitabor patri. + numquam edepol quemquam mortalem credo ego uxorem suam + sic ecflictim amare, proinde ut hic te ecflictim deperit. + + (_aside_) I’ll go slip a word in and play henchman to my + father. (_to Alcmena, stepping up_) Lord, ma’am, I don’t + believe there’s a mortal man alive loves his own wife + (_glancing slyly at Jupiter_) so madly as the mad way he + dotes on you. + +_Iup._ + _Jup._ + + Carnufex, non ego te novi? abin e conspectu meo? + quid tibi hanc curatio est rem, verbero, aut muttitio? + quon ego iam hoc scipione-- + + (_angrily_) You rascal, don’t I know you? Out of my sight, + will you! What business have you to interfere with this + matter, or to breathe a word about it, you scamp? I’ll take + my cane this instant and-- + +_Alc._ + + Ah noli. + + (_seizing his arm_) Oh, please don’t! + +_Iup._ + _Jup._ + + Muttito modo. 520 + + You just breathe a word now! + +_Mer._ + + Nequiter paene expedivit prima parasitatio. + + (_aside dryly_) The henchman’s first try at henching pretty + nearly came to grief. + +_Iup._ + _Jup._ + + Verum quod tu dicis, mea uxor, non te mi irasci decet. + clanculum abii a legione: operam hanc subrupui tibi, + ex me primo ut prima scires, rem ut gessissem publicam. + ea tibi omnia enarravi. nisi te amarem plurimum, + non facerem. + + But as to what you say, precious,--you oughtn’t to be cross + with me. It was on the sly that I left my troops: this is a + stolen treat, stolen for your sake, so that your first news + of how I served my country might come first from me. And now + I have told you the whole story. I wouldn’t have done such a + thing, if I hadn’t loved you with all my heart. + +_Mer._ + + Facitne ut dixi? timidam palpo percutit. + + (_aside_) Doing as I said, eh? Stroking her down, patting + her back, poor thing. + +_Iup._ + _Jup._ + + Nunc, ne legio persentiscat, clam illuc redeundum est mihi, + ne me uxorem praevertisse dicant prae re publica. + + Now I must slip back, so that my men may not get wind of + this and say I put my wife ahead of the public welfare. + +_Alc._ + + Lacrimantem ex abitu concinnas tu tuam uxorem. + + (_tearfully_) And make your own wife cry at your leaving her! + +_Iup._ + _Jup._ + + Tace, + ne corrumpe oculos, redibo actutum. + + (_affectionately_) Hush! Don’t spoil your eyes: I shall be + back soon. + +_Alc._ + + Id actutum diu est. 530 + + That “soon” is a long, long time. + +_Iup._ + _Jup._ + + Non ego te hic lubens relinquo neque abeo abs te. + + It’s not that I like to leave you here and go away. + +_Alc._ + + Sentio, + nam qua nocte ad me venisti, eadem abis. + + So I perceive--going away the same night you came to me! + (_clings to him_) + +_Iup._ + _Jup._ + + Cur me tenes? + tempus est: exire ex urbe prius quam lucescat volo. + nunc tibi hanc pateram, quae dono mi illi ob virtutem data est, + Pterela rex qui potitavit, quem ego mea occidi manu, + Alcumena, tibi condono. + + Why do you hold me? It is time: I wish to get out of the + city before daybreak. (_producing a golden bowl_) Here is + the bowl they presented me for bravery on the field--the one + King Pterelas used to drink from, whom I killed with my own + hand--take it as a gift from me, Alcmena. + +_Alc._ + + Facis ut alias res soles. + ecastor condignum donum, qualest qui donum dedit. + + (_taking bowl eagerly_) That _is_ so like you! Oh, your gift + just matches the giver! + +_Mer._ + + Immo sic: condignum donum, qualest cui dono datumst. + + Oh no, not the giver--that gift matches the getter. + +_Iup._ + _Jup._ + + Pergin autem? nonne ego possum, furcifer, te perdere? + + (_savagely_) So? At it again? Is there no choking you off, + you jailbird? No? (_advances with upraised cane_) + +_Alc._ + + Noli amabo, Amphitruo, irasci Sosiae causa mea. 540 + + (_holding him back_) Please, Amphitryon, don’t be angry with + Sosia on my account. + +_Iup._ + _Jup._ + + Faciam ita ut vis. + + (_halting_) Anything you please. + +_Mer._ + + Ex amore hic admodum quam saevos est. + + (_aside_) Love has made an out-and-out savage of him. + +_Iup._ + _Jup._ + + Numquid vis? + + (_kissing Alcmena and turning to go_) Nothing else, then? + +_Alc._ + + Ut quom absim me ames, me tuam te absente tamen. + + This,--even though I am not near you, love me still, your + own true wife, absent or not. + +_Mer._ + + Eamus, Amphitruo. lucescit hoc iam. + + Let’s go, sir; it is getting light already. + +_Iup._ + _Jup._ + + Abi prae, Sosia, + Iam ego sequar. numquid vis? + + Go ahead, Sosia; I shall be with you in a moment. + [EXIT _Mercury._ + (_kisses Alcmena again and turns to go_) Nothing further? + +_Alc._ + + Etiam: ut actutum advenias. + + Yes, yes--do come back soon. + +_Iup._ + _Jup._ + + Licet, + prius tua opinione hic adero: bonum animum habe. + nunc te, nox, quae me mansisti, mitto uti cedas die, + ut mortalis inlucescat luce clara et candida. + atque quanto, nox, fuisti longior hac proxuma, + tanto brevior dies ut fiat faciam, ut aeque disparet. + sed dies e nocte accedat. ibo et Mercurium sequar. 550 + + Indeed I will: I shall be here sooner than you think. Come, + come, cheer up! (_embraces her and moves away_) + [EXIT _Alcmena_ INTO HOUSE, SADLY. + Now, Night, who hast tarried for me, I dismiss thee: give + place to Day, that he may shine upon mortals in radiance and + splendour. And Night, since thou wert longer than the last, + I shall make the day so much the shorter, that there may be + fair adjustment. But let day issue forth from night. Now to + follow after Mercury. [EXIT _Jupiter._ + + + + +ACTVS II + + ACT II + + + (_Half an hour has elapsed._) + + ENTER _Amphitryon_ FOLLOWED BY _Sosia_. SLAVES WITH BAGGAGE + IN REAR. + +_Amph._ + + Age i tu secundum. + + (_to lagging Sosia_) Here you! After me, come! + +_Sos._ + + Sequor, subsequor te. + + Coming, sir! Right at your heels. + +_Amph._ + + Scelestissimum te arbitror. + + It’s my opinion you are a damned rascal. + +_Sos._ + + Nam quam ob rem? + + (_hurt_) Oh sir, why? + +_Amph._ + + Quia id quod neque est neque fuit neque futurum est + mihi praedicas. + + (_angrily_) Because what you tell me is not so, never was + so, never will be. + +_Sos._ + + Eccere, iam tuatim + facis tu, ut tuis nulla apud te fides sit. + + See there now! Just like you--you can never trust your + servants. + +_Amph._ + + Quid est? quo modo? iam quidem hercle ego tibi istam + scelestam, scelus, linguam abscidam. + + (_misunderstanding_) What? How is that? Well, by heaven now, + I’ll cut out that villainous tongue for you, you villain! + +_Sos._ + + Tuos sum, + proinde ut commodumst et lubet quidque facias + tamen quin loquar haec uti facta sunt hic, + numquam ullo modo me potes deterrere. 560 + + (_stubbornly_) I am yours, sir: so do anything that suits + your convenience and taste. However, I shall tell everything + just as it happened here, and you shall never frighten me + out of that, never. + +_Amph._ + + Scelestissime, audes mihi praedicare id, + domi te esse nunc, qui hic ades? + + You confounded rascal, do you dare tell me you are at home + this very minute, when you are here with me? + +_Sos._ + + Vera dico. + + It is a fact, sir. + +_Amph._ + + Malum quod tibi di dabunt, atque ego hodie + dabo. + + A fact you shall soon suffer for--the gods will see to that, + and so will I. + +_Sos._ + + Istuc tibist in manu, nam tuos sum. + + That rests with you, sir: I am your man. + +_Amph._ + + Tun me, verbero, audes erum ludificari? + tunc id dicere audes, quod nemo umquam homo antehac + vidit nec potest fieri, tempore uno + homo idem duobus locis ut simul sit? + + You dare make fun of me, scoundrel, your master? You dare + tell me a thing no one ever saw before, an impossible + thing--the same man in two places at one time? + +_Sos._ + + Profecto, ut loquor res ita est. + + Really, sir, it is just as I say. + +_Amph._ + + Iuppiter te + perdat. + + Jove’s curse on you! + +_Sos._ + + Quid mali sum, ere, tua ex re promeritus? 570 + + What harm have I done you to be punished, sir? + +_Amph._ + + Rogasne, improbe, etiam qui ludos facis me? + + Harm? You reprobate! Still making a joke of me, are you? + +_Sos._ + + Merito maledicas mihi, si id ita factum est.[16] + verum haud mentior, resque uti facta dico. + + You would have a right to call me names, if that was so. But + I am not lying, sir: it happened just as I say. + +_Amph._ + + Homo hic ebrius est, ut opinor. + + The man is drunk, I do believe. + +_Sos._ + + Utinam ita essem. + + (_heartily_) Wish I was! + +_Amph._ + + Optas quae facta. 575 + + (_dryly_) Your wish is already gratified. + +_Sos._ + + Egone? + + Is it? + +_Amph._ + + Tu istic. ubi bibisti? + + It is. Where did you get drink? + +_Sos._ + + Nusquam equidem bibi. + + I did not, not I, nowhere. + +_Amph._ + + Quid hoc sit 576 + hominis? + + (_despairingly_) What am I to make of the fellow? + +_Sos._ + + Equidem decies dixi: + domi ego sum, inquam, ecquid audis? 577 + et apud te adsum Sosia idem. + satin hoc plane, satin diserte, 578 + ere, nunc videor + tibi locutus esse? + + I have told you how it is ten times over: I am at home, I + say. Do you hear that? Yes, and I am here with you, the same + Sosia. There sir, do you think that is putting it plainly + enough, lucidly enough for you? + +_Amph._ + + Vah, 579 + apage te a me. + + (_shoving him aside_) Bah! Get away with you. + +_Sos._ + + Quid est negoti? 580 + + What is the matter? + +_Amph._ + + Pestis te tenet. + + You have the plague. + +_Sos._ + + Nam quor istuc + dicis? equidem valeo el salvos + sum recte, Amphitruo. + + Why, what do you say that for? Really, sir, I feel well, + I am all right. + +_Amph._ + + At te ego faciam 583 + hodie proinde ac meritus es, + ut minus valeas et miser sis, 584a + salvos domum si rediero: iam 584b + sequere sis, erum qui ludificas 585a + dictis delirantibus, 585b + + But I shall soon see you get your deserts: you will not feel + so well, you will be wretched enough, once I get back home + all right. Be so good as to follow me, you that make a butt + of your master with your idiotic drivel. + + qui quoniam erus quod imperavit neglexisti persequi, + nunc venis etiam ultro inrisum dominum: quae neque fieri + possunt neque fando umquam accepit quisquam profers, carnifex; + quoius ego hodie in tergum faxo ista expetant mendacia. + + Seeing you neglected to carry out your master’s orders, you + now have the effrontery to come and laugh at him, to boot,-- + with your tales of what can never happen, what no man ever + heard of, you rapscallion. By heaven, those lies of yours + shall fall on your own back, I promise you! + +_Sos._ + + Amphitruo, miserrima istaec miseria est servo bono, 590 + apud erum qui vera loquitur, si id vi verum vincitur. + + (_plaintively_) It is hard, sir, horribly hard, on a + good servant that tells his master plain facts to have his + facts confuted by a flogging. + +_Amph._ + + Quo id, malum, pacto potest nam--mecum argumentis puta-- + fieri, nunc uti tu et hic sis et domi? id dici volo. + + Curse it! How in the world is it possible--argue it out with + me--for you to be here now, and at home, too? Tell me that, + will you? + +_Sos._ + + Sum profecto et hic et illic. hoc cuivis mirari licet, + neque tibi istuc mirum[17] magis videtur quam mihi. + + I am here and I am there, I positively am. I don’t care who + wonders at it: it is no more wonderful to you than it is to + me, sir. + +_Amph._ + + Quo modo? + + How is that? + +_Sos._ + + Nihilo, inquam, mirum magis tibi istuc quam mihi; + neque, ita me di ament, credebam primo mihimet Sosiae, + donec Sosia illic egomet fecit sibi uti crederem. + ordine omne, uti quicque actum est, dum apud hostis sedimus, + edissertavit. tum formam una abstulit cum nomine. 600 + neque lac lactis magis est simile quam ille ego similest mei. + nam ut dudum ante lucem a portu me praemisisti domum-- + + I say it is not a bit more wonderful to you than to me. + So help me heaven, I didn’t believe my own self, Sosia, at + first, not till that other Sosia, myself, made me believe + him. He reeled off every thing just as it happened while we + were on the field there with the enemy; and besides, he had + stolen my looks along with my name. One drop of milk is no + more like another than that I is like me. Why, when you sent + me ahead home from the harbour before dawn a while ago-- + +_Amph._ + + Quid igitur? + + What then? + +_Sos._ + + Prius multo ante aedis stabam quam illo adveneram. + + I was standing in front of the house long before I got + there. + +_Amph._ + + Quas, malum, nugas? satin tu sanus es? + + What confounded rubbish! Are you actually in your senses? + +_Sos._ + + Sic sum ut vides. + + You can see for yourself I am. + +_Amph._ + + Huic homini nescio quid est mali mala obiectum manu, + postquam a me abiit. + + The fellow is bewitched somehow: the evil hand has been laid + on him since he left me. + +_Sos._ + + Fateor, nam sum obtusus pugnis pessume. + + Right you are! Evil? The way I got beaten to jelly was + damned evil. + +_Amph._ + + Quis te verberavit? + + Who was it beat you? + +_Sos._ + + Egomet memet, qui nunc sum domi. + + I beat myself--the I that is at home now. + +_Amph._ + + Cave quicquam, nisi quod rogabo te, mihi responderis. + omnium primum iste qui sit Sosia, hoc dici volo. + + Mind now, not a word but what I ask you. In the first place, + I wish to be informed who that Sosia is. + +_Sos._ + + Tuos est servos. + + Your own slave. + +_Amph._ + + Mihi quidem uno te plus etiam est quam volo, 610 + neque postquam sum natus habui nisi te servom Sosiam. + + As a matter of fact, I have one too many in you already, and + never in my life did I own a slave named Sosia except + yourself. + +_Sos._ + + At ego nunc, Amphitruo, dico: Sosiam servom tuom + praeter me alterum, inquam, adveniens faciam ut offendas domi, + Davo prognatum patre eodem quo ego sum, forma, aetate item + qua ego sum. quid opust verbis? geminus Sosia hic factust tibi. + + Well sir, you mark my words now: I warrant you you will come + upon a second servant Sosia of yours besides me when you + reach home, yes sir, one whose father was Davus the same + as mine, and who is just like me and just my age, too. Enough + said, sir. Sosia has twinned here for you. + +_Amph._ + + Nimia memoras mira. sed vidistin uxorem meam? + + (_impressed_) Strange, very strange indeed! But did you see + my wife? + +_Sos._ + + Quin intro ire in aedis numquam licitum est. + + Why, sir, never a foot was I allowed to put in the house. + +_Amph._ + + Quis te prohibuit? + + Who hindered you? + +_Sos._ + + Sosia ille, quem iam dudum dico, is qui me contudit. + + That Sosia I have been telling of all along, the one that + smashed me up. + +_Amph._ + + Quis istic Sosia est? + + Who is that Sosia? + +_Amph._ + + Ego, inquam. quotiens dicendum est tibi? + + I am, I say. How many times do you need to be told? + +_Amph._ + + Sed quid ais? num obdormivisti dudum? + + (_reflecting_) But look here, you were not asleep a while + ago, were you? + +_Sos._ + + Nusquam gentium. 620 + + Not a bit of it, sir. + +_Amph._ + + Ibi forte istum si vidisses quendam in somnis Sosiam-- + + Then perhaps, if you had seen that, well, that Sosia of + yours in your dreams-- + +_Sos._ + + Non soleo ego somniculose eri imperia persequi. + vigilans vidi, vigilans nunc te video, vigilans fabulor, + vigilantem ille me iam dudum vigilans pugnis contudit. + + I don’t do my master’s orders drowsily. Wide awake I was, + eyes open; I am wide awake with ’em open on you now; I am + wide awake telling my story; and I was wide awake when he + hammered me a while back, yes, and (_ruefully_) he was + wide awake. + +_Amph._ + + Quis homo? + + Who? + +_Sos._ + + Sosia, inquam, ego ille. quaeso, nonne intellegis? + + Sosia, I tell you, that me. Pray do not you understand? + +_Amph._ + + Qui, malum, intellegere quisquam potis est? ita nugas blatis. + + How the devil can any man understand? Such stuff and + nonsense! + +_Sos._ + + Verum actutum nosces, quom illum nosces servom Sosiam. + + (_significantly_) Well, you will know what I mean very + soon, once you know that servant Sosia. + +_Amph._ + + Sequere hac igitur me, + nam mi istuc primum exquisito est opus.[18] (628) + + (_going toward house_) Come then, this way. This matter + needs my investigation first of all. (_stops to examine + house from distance and talks with Sosia_) + + +II. 2. + + Scene 2. + + ENTER _Alcmena_ INTO DOORWAY. + +_Alc._ + + Satin parva res est voluptatum in vita atque in aetate agunda 633 + praequam quod molestum est? ita cuique comparatum est in + aetate hominum; + ita divis est placitum, voluptatem ut maeror comes consequatur: + quin incommodi plus malique ilico adsit, boni si optigit quid. + + Oh, are not the pleasures in life, in this daily round, + trifling compared with the pains! It is our common + human lot, it is heaven’s will, for sorrow to come + following after joy: yes, yes, and to have a larger share of + trouble and distress the moment something nice has happened. + + nam ego id nunc experior domo atque ipsa de me scio, cui voluptas + parumper datast, dum viri mei mihi potestas videndi fuit + noctem unam modo; atque is repente abiit a me hinc ante lucem. + sola hic mihi nunc videor, quia ille hinc abest quem ego amo + praeter omnes. 640 + plus aegri ex abitu viri, quam ex adventu voluptatis cepi. + + Ah, I am learning this now at first hand, learning it of my + own experience--a few short hours of happiness, allowed to + see my husband for just one night; and then away he goes all + of a sudden before daylight! It does seem so lonely here + now, when the one I love best is gone. I have felt more + unhappy at his going than happy at his coming. + + sed hoc me beat + saltem, quom perduellis vicit et domum laudis compos revenit: + id solacio est. + absit, dum modo laude parta + domum recipiat se; feram et perferam usque + abitum eius animo forti atque offirmato, id modo si mercedis + datur mi, ut meus victor vir belli clueat. + + But there is thus much to be thankful for, at least: he has + been victorious and come home a hero--that is one comfort. + He may leave me, if only he returns to me with a glorious + name: I will bear his going, yes, and keep on bearing it + to the end firmly and unflinchingly, only let me have the + reward of hearing my husband hailed conqueror. + + satis mi esse ducam. + virtus praemium est optimum; + virtus omnibus rebus anteit profecto: + libertas salus vita res et parentes, patria et prognati 650 + tutantur, servantur: + virtus omnia in sese habet, omnia adsunt + bona quem penest virtus + + That is enough for me! Courage is the very best gift of all; + courage stands before everything, it does, it does! It is + what maintains and preserves our liberty, safety, life, and + our homes and parents, our country and children. Courage + comprises all things: a man with courage has every blessing. + +_Amph._ + + Edepol me uxori exoptatum credo adventurum domum, + quae me amat, quam contra amo, praesertim re gesta bene, + victis hostibus. quos nemo posse superari ratust, + eos auspicio meo atque ductu primo coetu vicimus + certe enim med illi expectatum optato venturum scio. + + By Jove, my wife will certainly be delighted to have me + home--loving each other as we do! Especially now that we + have been successful, and the enemy, that every one thought + invincible, beaten, beaten at the first set-to under my + auspices and leadership. Ah yes, my arrival will + surely be a very welcome event to her. + +_Sos._ + + Quid? me non rere expectatum amicae venturum meae? + + What? And don’t you think mine is going to be welcome to my + lady friend? + +_Alc._ + + Meus vir hic quidem est. + + (_seeing them_) Why, here is my husband! + +_Amph._ + + Sequere hac tu me. + + (_to Sosia_) Here you, this way! (_goes on toward house_) + +_Alc._ + + Nam quid ille revortitur, 660 + qui dudum properare se aibat? an ille me temptat sciens + atque id se volt experiri, suom abitum ut desiderem? + ecastor med haud invita se domum recipit suam. + + (_aside_) What in the world is he back for so soon after + saying he must hurry off! Is he trying me on purpose, does + he want to test how much I miss him when he goes? Bless his + heart, I have no objection to his coming home again! + +_Sos._ + + Amphitruo, redire ad navem meliust nos. + + (_seeing her_) We had better make for the ship once more, + sir. + +_Amph._ + + Qua gratia? + + Why? + +_Sos._ + + Quia domi daturus nemo est prandium advenientibus + + No one at home is going to give the new arrivals a + breakfast, that is why. + +_Amph._ + + Qui tibi nunc istuc in mentemst? + + And how does that thought happen to occur to you? + +_Sos._ + + Quia enim sero advenimus. + + Because we’ve come too late. + +_Amph._ + + Qui? + + How so? + +_Sos._ + + Quia Alcumenam ante aedis stare saturam intellego. + + (_pointing_) Well, there’s mistress in front of the house, + and she has a sort of well-fed look about her. + +_Amph._ + + Gravidam ego illanc hic reliqui, quom abeo. + + I had hopes when I went away, Sosia, of being made a father. + +_Sos._ + + Ei perii miser. + + Heaven help me! + +_Amph._ + + Quid tibi est? + + What is the matter? + +_Sos._ + + Ad aquam praebendam commodum adveni domum, + decumo post mense, ut rationem te putare intellego 670 + + (_disgustedly_) I have got home exactly in time to draw the + water: it is the tenth month since, according as I follow + your reckoning. + +_Amph._ + + Bono animo es. + + (_laughing_) Cheer up, cheer up! + +_Sos._ + + Scin quam bono animo sim? si situlam cepero, + numquam edepol tu mihi divini creduis post hunc diem, + ni ego illi puteo, si occepso, animam omnem inter traxero. + + Know how cheerful I am, do you, sir? Let me get hold of a + bucket, and by gad, don’t ever trust my sacred oath again, + if I do not drain that well of its last breath, once I + begin. + +_Amph._ + + Sequere hac me modo, alium ego isti rei allegabo, ne time. + + Come now, this way with me. (_moves toward house again_) + I will appoint some one else to that office, never fear. + +_Alc._ + + Magis nunc me meum officium facere, si huic eam advorsum, arbitror. + + (_aside_) I suppose it would be more duteous of me to go to + meet him. (_advances slowly_) + +_Amph._ + + Amphitruo uxorem salutat laetus speratam suam, + quam omnium Thebis vir unam esse optimam diiudicat, + quamque adeo cives Thebani vero rumiferant probam. + valuistin usque? exspectatum advenio? + + (_with playful courtliness_) Gladly does Amphitryon greet + his darling wife, whom her husband judges to be the one + best lady in all Thebes; yea, and justly do the citizens of + Thebes bruit her virtue. (_earnestly_) Have you been well + all this time? Are you glad to see me? + +_Sos._ + + Haud vidi magis. + exspectatum eum salutat magis haud quicquam quam canem. 680 + + (_aside_) Glad? None more so! Welcomes him about as warmly + as she would a dog! + +_Amph._ + + Et quom te[19] gravidam et quom te pulchre plenam aspicio, gaudeo. + + Ah, it is splendid to see your condition, dear, and to see + you getting on so finely. + +_Alc._ + + Obsecro ecastor, quid tu me deridiculi gratia + sic salutas atque appellas, quasi dudum non videris + quasique nunc primum recipias te domum huc ex hostibus?[20] (684) + + Good gracious! Why are you making fun of me with all these + greetings and salutations, as if you had not seen me a + little while ago and were just this moment back from the + war? + +_Amph._ + + Immo equidem te nisi nunc hodie nusquam vidi gentium. (686) + + (_surprised_) Why, why, but I have not seen you--no, + nowhere at all except this very instant. + +_Alc._ + + Cur negas? + + What makes you deny it? + +_Amph._ + + Quia vera didici dicere. + + Because I have learned to tell the truth. + +_Alc._ + + Haud aequom facit + qui quod didicit id dediscit. an periclitamini + quid animi habeam? sed quid huc vos revortimini tam cito? + an te auspicium commoratum est an tempestas continet 690 + qui non abiisti ad legiones, ita uti dudum dixeras? + + It is not a good plan to learn a thing and then unlearn it. + Or is this a test of my feelings? But why are you returning + so quickly? Were you delayed by bad omens, or is it the + weather detains you, that you have not gone away to the + army, as you spoke of doing a little while ago? + +_Amph._ + + Dudum? quam dudum istuc factum est? + + A little while ago? How little a while ago was that? + +_Alc._ + + Temptas. iam dudum, modo. + + Tease! Oh, quite a little while ago--just now. + +_Amph._ + + Qui istuc potis est fieri, quaeso, ut dicis: iam dudum, modo? + + For heaven’s sake, how can those statements agree--“quite a + little while ago” and “just now”? + +_Alc._ + + Quid enim censes? te ut deludam contra lusorem meum, + qui nunc primum te advenisse dicas, modo qui hinc abieris. + + Well, how do you suppose? I am merely trying to make game of + you for a change, after your making game of me by saying + this is your first appearance here, when you just now left + us. + +_Amph._ + + Haec quidem deliramenta loquitur. + + (_to Sosia_) Upon my soul, she is raving! + +_Sos._ + + Paulisper mane, + dum edormiscat unum somnum. + + Wait a while till she has slept out just one sleep. + +_Amph._ + + Quaene vigilans somniat? + + What, awake and dreaming? + +_Alc._ + + Equidem ecastor vigilo, et vigilans id quod factum est fabulor. + nam dudum ante lucem et istunc et te vidi. + + (_indignantly_) To be sure I am awake, and awake as I + relate what happened. Why, just a little while ago before + dawn I saw that man and you, both. + +_Amph._ + + Quo in loco? + + Where was this? + +_Alc._ + + Hic in aedibus ubi tu habitas. + + Here in your very own house, sir. + +_Amph._ + + Numquam factum est. + + Impossible! + +_Sos._ + + Non taces? 700 + quid si e portu navis huc nos dormientis detulit? + + Hush, sir, hush! What if the ship carried us here from the + harbour in our sleep? + +_Amph._ + + Etiam tu quoque adsentaris huic? + + Ha! you are siding with her too, are you? + +_Sos._ + + Quid vis fieri? + non tu scis? Bacchae bacchanti si velis advorsarier, + ex insana insaniorem facies, feriet saepius; + si obsequare, una resolvas plaga. + + (_wisely_) Well, what do you want? Don’t you understand? You + but cross a Bacchante when the Bacchic frenzy fills her, and + you’ll make the crazy thing crazier still and she’ll hit you + all the more: humour her, and she’ll call it quits after one + blow. + +_Amph._ + + At pol qui certa res + hanc est obiurgare, quae me hodie advenientem domum + noluerit salutare. + + Humour her? By the Lord, it will be bad humour, that’s + sure,--arriving home to-day and she unwilling to give me a + decent welcome! + +_Sos._ + + Inritabis crabrones. + + You’ll be poking up a hornet’s nest. + +_Amph._ + + Tace. + Alcumena, unum rogare te volo. + + Silence! (_to Alcmena, sternly_) Alcmena, there is + something I wish to ask you. + +_Alc._ + + Quid vis roga. + + Anything you please. + +_Amph._ + + Num tibi aut stultitia accessit aut superat superbia? + + Are you obsessed by some foolish notion, or is this pride + running away with you? + +_Alc._ + + Qui istuc in mentemst tibi ex me, mi vir, percontarier? 710 + + What makes it enter your head to ask me such a question, my + husband? + +_Amph._ + + Quia salutare advenientem me solebas antidhac, + appellare, itidem ut pudicae suos viros quae sunt solent. + eo more expertem te factam adveniens offendi domi. + + Because till to-day you used to welcome me on my arrival + and greet me as modest wives generally do their husbands. + Yet here I come home to find you have dropped the habit. + +_Alc._ + + Ecastor equidem te certo heri advenientem ilico, + et salutavi et valuissesne usque exquisivi simul, + mi vir, et manum prehendi et osculum tetuli tibi. + + Why mercy me, when you came home yesterday I certainly did + welcome you the moment you appeared, and asked you in the + same breath if you had been well all the time, and seized + your hand and gave you a kiss. + +_Sos._ + + Tun heri hunc salutavisti? + + Welcomed him yesterday, did you? + +_Alc._ + + Et te quoque etiam, Sosia. + + Yes, and you, too, Sosia. + +_Sos._ + + Amphitruo, speravi ego istam tibi parituram filium; + verum non est puero gravida. + + Sir, I hoped she was going to bear you a son; but it’s no + child she’s got. + +_Amph._ + + Quid igitur? + + What, then? + +_Sos._ + + Insania. + + A crazy streak. + +_Alc._ + + Equidem sana sum et deos quaeso, ut salva pariam filium. 720 + verum tu malum magnum habebis, si his suom officium facit: + ob istuc omen, ominator, capies quod te condecet. + + (_angrily_) Indeed I have not, and I pray heaven I may + safely bear a son. But you, sir, shall have an ample supply + of aches and pains, if your master here does his duty! You + shall be well rewarded for that omen, Sir Omener. + +_Sos._ + + Enim vero praegnati oportet et malum et malum dari, + ut quod obrodat sit, animo si male esse occeperit. + + Really now, ma’am, it’s a lady in your condition ought to + have aches and pains, yes, and an apple supply, too, so as + to have something to chew on in case she gets to feeling + seedy. + +_Amph._ + + Tu me heri hic vidisti? + + You saw me here yesterday? + +_Alc._ + + Ego, inquam, si vis decies dicere. + + Yes, I,--if you must be told ten times over. + +_Amph._ + + In somnis fortasse? + + In your sleep, perhaps? + +_Alc._ + + Immo vigilans vigilantem. + + No, no, awake,--and you were awake, too. + +_Amph._ + + Ei misero mihi. + + Oh, this is terrible, terrible! + +_Sos._ + + Quid tibi est? + + What ails you? + +_Amph._ + + Delirat uxor. + + My wife is raving! + +_Sos._ + + Atra bili percita est. + nulla res tam delirantis homines concinnat cito. + + Bilious attack, sir, black bile. There’s nothing sets ’em + raving so soon. + +_Amph._ + + Ubi primum tibi sensisti, mulier, impliciscier? + + When did you first feel it coming on, woman? + +_Alc._ + + Equidem ecastor sana et salva sum. + + Goodness me! I’m perfectly sane and sound. + +_Amph._ + + Quor igitur praedicas, 730 + te heri me vidisse, qui hac noctu in portum advecti sumus? + ibi cenavi atque ibi quievi in navi noctem perpetem, + neque meum pedem huc intuli etiam in aedis, ut cum exercitu + hinc profectus sum ad Teloboas hostis eosque ut vicimus. + + Then why are you declaring you saw me yesterday, when we + reached port last night? I took dinner there and spent the + whole livelong night there on board my ship, and I have not + set foot in this house from the time I and my troops started + on our campaign against the Teloboians and conquered them. + +_Alc._ + + Immo mecum cenavisti et mecum cubuisti. + + The idea! You had dinner with me and went to bed with me. + +_Amph._ + + Quid est? + + What? + +_Alc._ + + Vera dico. + + I tell you the truth, sir. + +_Amph._ + + Non de hac quidem hercle re; de aliis nescio. + + Good God! Not in that, anyhow: about other matters I can’t + say. + +_Alc._ + + Primulo diluculo abiisti ad legiones. + + And at the very break of day you went away to the army. + +_Amph._ + + Quo modo? + + How’s that? + +_Sos._ + + Recte dicit, ut commeminit: somnium narrat tibi. + sed, mulier, postquam experrecta es, te prodigiali Iovi + aut mola salsa hodie aut ture comprecatam oportuit. 740 + + Quite straight, sir, as far as her memory goes: she’s giving + you her dream. But I say, ma’am, this morning after you woke + up you ought to have taken some salted cakes, or incense, + and prayed to Jove--he has charge of prodigies. + +_Alc._ + + Vae capiti tuo. + + Oh confound you, sir! + +_Sos._ + + Tua istuc refert--si curaveris. + + (_innocently_) That would do you good, ma’am--if you + would see to it. + +_Alc._ + + Iterum iam hic in me inclementer dicit, atque id sine malo. + + There he is, rude to me again, and not suffering for it! + +_Amph._ + + Tace tu. tu dic: egone abs te abii hinc hodie cum diluculo? + + (_to Sosia_) Keep still, you! (_to Alcmena_) And you--I left + you this morning at daybreak, did I? + +_Alc._ + + Quis igitur nisi vos narravit mi, illi ut fuerit proelium? + + Why, who else but you two told me how the battle there went? + +_Amph._ + + An etiam id tu scis? + + You don’t mean to say you know about that? + +_Alc._ + + Quippe qui ex te audivi, ut urbem maximam + expugnavisses regemque Pterelam tute occideris. + + Naturally, since I heard from your own lips how you took + that great city and killed King Pterelas yourself. + +_Amph._ + + Egone istuc dixi? + + I told you that, I? + +_Alc._ + + Tute istic, etiam adstante hoc Sosia. + + Yes, you yourself,--with Sosia here standing by, too. + +_Amph._ + + Audivistin tu me narrare haec hodie? + + (_to Sosia_) Have you ever heard me say a word of this? + +_Sos._ + + Ubi ego audiverim? + + Heard you? Where? + +_Amph._ + + Hanc roga. + + (_sullenly_) Ask her. + +_Sos._ + + Me quidem praesente numquam factum est, quod sciam. + + You never did so far as I know, leastways with me at hand. + +_Alc._ + + Mirum quin te adversus dicat. + + (_ironically_) It is strange he declines to contradict his + own master. + +_Amph._ + + Sosia, age me huc aspice. 750 + + Sosia, here! Look me in the eye. + +_Sos._ + + Specto. + + (_obeying_) Very good, sir. + +_Amph._ + + Vera volo loqui te, nolo adsentari mihi. + audivistin tu hodie me illi dicere ea quae illa autumat? + + What I want from you is the truth, no obsequiousness. Did + you ever hear me utter a syllable of what she says? + +_Sos._ + + Quaeso edepol, num tu quoque etiam insanis, quom id me interrogas, + qui ipsus equidem nunc primum istanc tecum conspicio simul? + + Well, upon my word, I should like to ask if you are not + crazy yourself, asking me a question like that--and I just + this minute setting eyes on her for the first time along + with you? + +_Amph._ + + Quid nunc, mulier? audin illum? + + What now, madam? Do you hear him? + +_Alc._ + + Ego vero, ac falsum dicere. + + To be sure I do--telling lies. + +_Amph._ + + Neque tu illi neque mihi viro ipsi credis? + + You won’t believe him, or me, your own husband, either? + +_Alc._ + + Eo fit quia mihi + plurimum credo et scio istaec facta proinde ut proloquor. + + That is only because I believe myself most of all, and I + know everything occurred just as I tell you. + +_Amph._ + + Tun me heri advenisse dicis? + + And you say that I arrived yesterday? + +_Alc._ + + Tun te abiisse hodie hinc negas? + + And you deny that you left to-day? + +_Amph._ + + Nego enim vero, et me advenire nunc primum aio ad te domum. + + Deny it? Of course I do. And I say I’m just now coming home + to you for the first time. + +_Alc._ + + Obsecro, etiamne hoc negabis, te auream pateram mihi 760 + dedisse dono hodie, qua te illi donatum esse dixeras? + + And will you deny this, too, pray,--that you gave me the + golden bowl to-day that was presented to you there, as you + said? + +_Amph._ + + Neque edepol dedi neque dixi; verum ita animatus fui + itaque nunc sum, ut ea te patera donem. sed quis istuc tibi dixit? + + By heaven! I neither gave it nor said it. But I did intend + to make you a gift of that bowl, and do still. Who told you + of that, though? + +_Alc._ + + Ego equidem ex te audivi et ex tua accepi manu pateram. + + Why, I heard about it from your own lips and received the + bowl from your own hand. + +_Amph._ + + Mane, mane, obsecro te. nimis demiror, Sosia, + qui illaec illic me donatum esse aurea patera sciat, + nisi tu dudum hanc convenisti et narravisti haec omnia. + + One moment, please, one moment! (_turning to Sosia_) It + is very extraordinary. Sosia, how she knows I was presented + with a golden bowl there, unless you met her a while ago + yourself and told her the whole story. + +_Sos._ + + Neque edepol ego dixi neque istam vidi nisi tecum simul. + + By gad, sir, I never told her, no, nor saw her, except here + with you. + +_Amph._ + + Quid hoc sit hominis? + + (_helplessly_) What sort of a creature have I got here? + +_Alc._ + + Vin proferri pateram? + + Would you like to have the bowl brought? + +_Amph._ + + Proferri volo. + + Indeed I should. + +_Alc._ + + Fiat heus tu, Thessala, intus pateram proferto foras, 770 + qua hodie meus vir donavit me. + + Very well. (_calling to maid within_) Ho, there! Thessala, + bring out the bowl my husband gave me to day. + +_Amph._ + + Secede huc tu, Sosia, + enim vero illud praeter alia mira miror maxime, + si haec habet pateram illam. + + Sosia! Come over here. (_they withdraw somewhat_) Upon my + soul, it will be the most astounding of all these astounding + circumstances, if she has that. + +_Sos._ + + An etiam credis id, quae in hac cistellula + tuo signo obsignata fertur? + + Do you really believe that, sir, when I’ve got it in this + little chest here, sealed with your own signet? + +_Amph._ + + Salvom signum est? + + Is the seal intact? + +_Sos._ + + Inspice. + + (_showing chest_) Look and see. + +_Amph._ + + Recte, ita est ut obsignavi. + + (_doing so_) It is all right--just as I sealed it. + +_Sos._ + + Quaeso, quin tu istanc iubes + pro cerrita circumferri? + + For heaven’s sake, why don’t you have her treated for + lunacy? + +_Amph._ + + Edepol qui facto est opus; + nam haec quidem edepol larvarum plenast. + + By Jove, so I should! Why, bless my soul, she’s full of evil + spirits! + + ENTER _Thessala_ WITH BOWL. + +_Alc._ + + Quid verbis opust? + em tibi pateram, eccam. + + Are you satisfied, sir? There! Your bowl, see! + +_Amph._ + + Cedo mi. + + (_dumbfounded_) Give it here! + +_Alc._ + + Age aspice huc sis nunciam + tu qui quae facta infitiare, quem ego iam hic convincam palam + estne haec patera qua donatu’s illi? + + Come now, be so good as to look at it, you that do a thing + and then disown it. I shall refute you plainly, sir, here + and now. Is this the bowl which they presented to you there, + or not? + +_Amph._ + + Summe Iuppiter, 780 + quid ego video? haec ea est profecto patera. perii, Sosia. + + (_taking it_) Jove almighty! What do I see? The + selfsame bowl, it is, it is! This is frightful, Sosia! + +_Sos._ + + Aut pol haec praestigiatrix multo mulier maxima est + aut pateram hic inesse oportet. + + By gad, she’s either the greatest enchantress alive, easily, + or the bowl must be inside here. (_pointing to chest_) + +_Amph._ + + Agedum, exsolve cistulam. + + Come, come, unfasten the chest! + +_Sos._ + + Quid ego istam exsolvam? obsignatast recte, res gesta est bene: + tu peperisti Amphitruonem, ego alium peperi Sosiam; + nunc si patera pateram peperit, omnes congeminavimus. + + Unfasten it? Why? It’s sealed all right, everything is + shipshape. You have spawned another Amphitryon; I have + spawned another Sosia; now if the bowl has spawned another + bowl, we’ve all doubled. + +_Amph._ + + Certum est aperire atque inspicere. + + I’m resolved: it must be opened and inspected. + +_Sos._ + + Vide sis signi quid siet, + ne posterius in me culpam conferas. + + You please take a look at the seal, sir, so that you won’t + blame me later. + +_Amph._ + + Aperi modo; + nam haec quidem nos delirantis facere dictis postulat. + + (_looking_) Yes, yes, open up! Why, the woman is bent on + driving us mad with her talk. + +_Alc._ + + Unde haec igitur est nisi abs te quae mihi dono data est? 790 + + Where did this come from, then, if not as a present from you? + +_Amph._ + + Opus mi est istuc exquisito. + + (_curtly_) This matter needs my investigation. + +_Sos._ + + Iuppiter, pro Iuppiter. + + (_busy with chest_) By Jove! Oh, by Jove! + +_Amph._ + + Quid tibi est? + + (_excited_) What is it? + +_Sos._ + + Hic patera nulla in cistulast. + + There’s no bowl in the chest here at all! + +_Amph._ + + Quid ego audio? + + What’s that you say? + +_Sos._ + + Id quod verumst. + + It’s the honest truth. + +_Amph._ + + At cum cruciatu iam, nisi apparet, tuo. + + But your skin shall soon pay for it, if it’s not forthcoming. + +_Alc._ + + Haec quidem apparet. + + This one is forthcoming, at any rate. + +_Amph._ + + Quis igitur tibi dedit? + + (_roughly_) Who gave it you, then? + +_Alc._ + + Qui me rogat. + + (_calmly_) My questioner. + +_Sos._ + + Me captas, quia tute ab navi clanculum huc alia via + praecucurristi, atque hinc pateram tute exemisti atque eam + huic dedisti, post hanc rursum obsignasti clanculum. + + (_to Amphitryon_) Trying to catch me! The fact is you ran on + ahead from the ship yourself by another road on the sly, and + took the bowl out yourself, and gave it to her, and then + sealed up the chest again on the sly. + +_Amph._ + + Ei mihi, iam tu quoque huius adiuvas insaniam? + an heri nos advenisse huc? + + Oh, ye gods! So now you are abetting her delusions, too! + (_to Alcmena, with forced calmness_) We came here yesterday, + you say? + +_Alc._ + + Aio, adveniensque ilico + me salutavisti, et ego te, et osculum tetuli tibi. 800 + + Yes, and the moment you arrived you greeted me, and I you, + and I gave you a kiss. + +_Sos._ + + Iam illud non placet principium de osculo. + + Now I don’t like that, that beginning with a kiss! + +_Amph._ + + Perge exsequi. + + Go on, go on! + +_Alc._ + + Lavisti. + + Then you bathed. + +_Amph._ + + Quid postquam lavi? + + And after bathing? + +_Alc._ + + Accubuisti. + + You took your place on the dining couch. + +_Sos._ + + Euge optime, + nunc exquire. + + Bravo, sir! Great work! Now get to the bottom of it. + +_Amph._ + + Ne interpella. perge porro dicere. + + (_to Sosia_) No interruptions! (_to Alcmena_) Go on with + your story. + +_Alc._ + + Cena adposita est, cenavisti mecum, ego accubui simul. + + Dinner was served: we dined together: I took my place on the + couch, too. + +_Amph._ + + In eodem lecto? + + The same couch? + +_Alc._ + + In eodem. + + Surely. + +_Sos._ + + Ei, non placet convivium. + + Oho! This banqueting looks bad! + +_Amph._ + + Sine modo argumenta dicat. quid postquam cenavimus? + + (_to Sosia_) That will do. Let her state her case. (_to + Alcmena_) What after we dined? + +_Alc._ + + Te dormitare aibas, mensa ablata est. cubitum hinc abiimus. + + You said you were sleepy: the table was removed: we went off + to bed. + +_Amph._ + + Ubi tu cubuisti? + + Where did you sleep? + +_Alc._ + + In eodem lecto tecum una in cubiculo. + + Why, with you, in our room. + +_Amph._ + + Perdidisti. + + Oh, my God! + +_Sos._ + + Quid tibi est? + + What ails you? + +_Amph._ + + Haec me modo ad mortem dedit. + + She has killed me, killed me! + +_Alc._ + + Quid iam, amabo? + + Why, my dear man, what do you mean? + +_Amph._ + + Ne me appella. + + (_furiously_) Don’t speak to me! + +_Sos._ + + Quid tibi est? + + What ails you? + +_Amph._ + + Perii miser, 810 + quia pudicitiae huius vitium me hinc absente est additum. + + Oh, God help me! She’s been seduced while I was gone! + +_Alc._ + + Obsecro ecastor, cur istuc, mi vir, ex ted audio? + + Good heavens! For mercy’s sake how can you say such a thing, + my dear husband? + +_Amph._ + + Vir ego tuos sim? ne me appella, falsa, falso nomine. + + Am I your husband? Oh, you false wretch, none of your false + names for me! + +_Sos_ + + Haeret haec res, si quidem haec iam mulier facta est ex viro. + + Here’s a pretty mess, if he is turned into a woman and is + not her husband! + +_Alc_ + + Quid ego feci, qua istaec propter dicta dicantur mihi? + + What have I done to be talked to like that? + +_Amph._ + + Tute edictas facta tua, ex me quaeris quid deliqueris. + + You have recounted your doings yourself--and you ask me what + the harm is! + +_Alc_ + + Quid ego tibi deliqui, si, cum nupta sum, tecum fui? + + Pray tell me what I have done in being with you, the man I + married? + +_Amph._ + + Tun mecum fueris? quid illac impudente audacius? + saltem, tute si pudoris egeas, sumas mutuom. + + You with me? Of all brazen shamelessness! You might at least + borrow some sense of decency, if you have none of your own! + +_Alc._ + + Istuc facinus, quod tu insimulas, nostro generi non decet. 820 + tu si me inpudicitiai captas, capere non potes. + + Such behaviour as you accuse me of does not become members + of my family, sir. Angle for me if you wish, you cannot + catch me in such unspeakable conduct. + +_Amph._ + + Pro di immortales, cognoscin tu me saltem, Sosia? + + Great God! You know me, anyhow, Sosia, don’t you? + +_Sos_ + + Propemodum. + + Well, rather! + +_Amph._ + + Cenavin ego heri in navi in portu Persico? + + Didn’t I dine yesterday on shipboard at Port Persicus? + +_Alc._ + + Mihi quoque adsunt testes, qui illud quod ego dicam adsentiant. + + Yes, and I too have witnesses to corroborate what I say. + +_Sos._ + + Nescio quid istuc negoti dicam, nisi si quispiam est + Amphitruo alius, qui forte ted hinc absenti tamen + tuam rem curet teque absente hic munus fungatur tuom. + nam quod de illo subditivo Sosia mirum nimis, + certe de istoc Amphitruone iam alterum mirum est magis. + + I can’t puzzle it out, sir, unless there’s some other + Amphitryon to manage your business, no matter if you are + away, and to do your job for you when you have gone. I tell + you what, that sham Sosia was monstrous surprising, but this + second Amphitryon is certainly more so. + +_Amph._ + + Nescio quis praestigiator hanc frustratur mulierem. 830 + + Some magician or other has bedevilled the woman! + +_Alc._ + + Per supremi regis regnum iuro et matrem familias + Iunonem, quam me vereri et metuere est par maxume, + ut mi extra unum te mortalis nemo corpus corpore + contigit, quo me impudicam faceret. + + (_slowly and impressively_) I swear by the kingdom of the + King on high and by Juno, the matron goddess I most should + reverence and fear--so may she bless me as no mortal man, + save you only, has taken me to him as a wife. + +_Amph._ + + Vera istaec velim. + + Ah, I wish it was the truth! + +_Alc._ + + Vera dico, sed nequiquam, quoniam non vis credere. + + It is the truth, but what of that, when you refuse to + believe me! + +_Amph._ + + Mulier es, audacter iuras. + + You’re a woman; you swear boldly. + +_Alc._ + + Quae non deliquit, decet + audacem esse, confidenter pro se et proterve loqui. + + A woman who has done nothing wrong ought to be bold, yes, + and self confident and forward in her own defence. + +_Amph._ + + Satis audacter. + + Bold, with a vengeance! + +_Alc._ + + Ut pudicam decet. + + As innocence should be. + +_Amph._ + + Enim verbis proba’s.[21] + + Yes, you’re immaculate as far as talk goes. + +_Alc._ + + Non ego illam mihi dotem duco esse, quae dos dicitur, + sed pudicitiam et pudorem et sedatum cupidinem, 840 + deum metum, parentum amorem et cognatum concordiam, + tibi morigera atque ut munifica sim bonis, prosim probis. + + (_quietly_) Personally I do not feel that my dowry is that + which people call a dowry, but purity and honour and self + control, fear of God, love of parents, and affection for + my family, and being a dutiful wife to you, sir, lavish of + loving-kindness and helpful through honest service. + +_Sos._ + + Ne ista edepol, si haec vera loquitur, examussim est optima. + + My word! She’s a regular pattern of perfection, if she’s + telling the truth. + +_Amph._ + + Delenitus sum profecto ita, ut me qui sim nesciam. + + Upon my soul, I have been so bewitched I don’t know who I + am! + +_Sos._ + + Amphitruo es profecto, cave sis ne tu te usu perduis: + ita nunc homines immutantur, postquam peregre advenimus. + + You’re Amphitryon right enough, sir--but just look out you + don’t lose your title to yourself by limitation, the way + folks are getting changed about these days since we came + back from abroad. + +_Amph._ + + Mulier, istam rem inquisitam certum est non amittere. + + (_to Alcmena, sternly_) This matter shall not escape + investigation, madam, I am resolved on that. + +_Alc._ + + Edepol me libente facies. + + Dear me, sir, do investigate, and welcome! + +_Amph._ + + Quid ais? responde mihi. + quid si adduco tuom cognatum huc ab navi Naucratem, + qui mecum una vectust una navi, atque is si denegat 850 + facta quae tu facta dicis, quid tibi aequom est fieri? + numquid causam dicis, quin te hoc multem matrimionio? + + See here, answer me this--what if I bring your own relative, + Naucrates, over from the ship? He made the voyaage with me + on the same vessel--now if he denies that I did as you say + what do you deserve? Have you any reason to give that I + should not divorce you? + +_Alc._ + + Si deliqui, nulla causa est. + + None, if I have done wrong. + +_Amph._ + + Convenit. tu, Sosia, + duc hos intro. ego huc ab navi mecum adducam Naucratem. + + Agreed! (_turning to Sosia_) Sosia, take these fellows in. + (_pointing to slaves with luggage_) I will bring Naucrates + here from the ship. (_Sosia sends slaves inside_) + [EXIT _Amphitryon_. + + +_Sos._ + + Nunc quidem praeter nos nemo est. dic mihi verum serio: + ecquis alius Sosia intust, qui mei similis siet? + + (_to Alcmena, confidentially_) Now then, ma’am, no one’s + here besides us. (_elaborately makes sure of it_) Do be + serious and tell me the truth--is there another Sosia inside + who’s just like me? + +_Alc._ + + Abin hinc a me dignus domino servos? + + (_indignantly_) Will you leave my sight, sir--you slave + worthy of your master! + +_Sos._ + + Abeo, si iubes. + + Sure, ma’am, if you say so. [EXIT INTO HOUSE. + +_Alc._ + + Nimis ecastor facinus mirum est, qui illi conlibitum siet + meo viro sic me insimulare falso facinus tam malum. + quicquid est, iam ex Naucrate cognato id cognoscam meo. 860 + + Merciful heavens! It’s simply unintelligible, how my husband + could think fit to accuse me of such atrocious conduct + without the slightest cause. Well, whatever it is, I shall + soon know about it from Naucrates, one of my own family. + [EXIT INTO HOUSE. + + + + +ACTVS III + + ACT III + + + (_A couple of hours have elapsed_) + + ENTER _Jupiter_. + +_Iup._ + _Jup._ + + Ego sum ille Amphitruo, cui est servos Sosia. + idem Mercurius qui fit, quando commodumst, + in superiore qui habito cenaculo, + qui interdum fio Iuppiter, quando lubet; + huc autem quom extemplo adventum adporto, ilico + Amphitruo fio et vestitum immuto meum. + + (_in jocular, self-satisfied tone_) I am that Amphitryon + who has a servant Sosia, which same turns into Mercury on + occasion, I being the Amphitryon who lodge in the upper + attic (_pointing heavenward_) and become Jupiter at times, + when the humour seizes me. As soon as I wend my way into + these parts, however, on the spot I am Amphitryon and change + my clothes. + + nunc huc honoris vostri venio gratia, + ne hanc incohatam transigam comoediam; + simul Alcumenae, quam vir insontem probri + Amphitruo accusat, veni ut auxilium feram: 870 + nam mea sit culpa, quod egomet contraxerim, + si id Alcumenae innocenti expetat. + + I now appear out of regard for you, so as not to terminate + this inchoate comedy. At the same time I am here to help out + Alcmena, poor innocent, denounced as disloyal by her lord, + Amphitryon. For it would be sinful of me, if the storm I + have brewed should descend on the head of guileless Alcmena. + + nunc Amphitruonem memet, ut occepi semel, + esse adsimulabo, atque in horum familiam + frustrationem hodie iniciam maxumam; + post igitur demum faciam res fiat palam + atque Alcumenae in tempore auxilium feram + faciamque ut uno fetu et quod gravida est viro + et me quod gravidast pariat sine doloribus. + Mercurium iussi me continue consequi, 880 + si quid vellem imperare. nunc hanc adloquar. + + I will pretend for the present to be Amphitryon myself, as + I have already, and thoroughly confound this family to-day, + Then, after that, I will eventually clear matters up, yes, + and aid Alcmena in due season, contriving that she give + birth at one time to both the children she carries, her + husband’s and my own, without a pang. Mercury has his orders + to attend me closely, in case I have commands to give. Now + for a word with the lady. + + +III. 2. + + Scene 2. + + ENTER _Alcmena_ FROM HOUSE. + +_Alc._ + + Durare nequeo in aedibus. ita me probri, + stupri, dedecoris a viro argutam meo! + ea quae sunt facta infecta ut reddat clamitat. + quae neque sunt facta neque ego in me admisi arguit; + atque id me susque deque esse habituram putat. + + I can’t stand staying in the house! To be branded so with + shame, disloyalty, disgrace, by my own husband! How he + clamours to make facts no facts! And what never happened, + things I never, never did, he accuses me of, and thinks I’ll + consider it quite immaterial. + + non edepol faciam, neque me perpetiar probri + falso insimulatam, quin ego illum aut deseram + aut satis faciat mi ille atque adiuret insuper, + nolle esse dicta quae in me insontem protulit. 890 + + Good gracious, but I won’t! I won’t endure such an awful, + unjustified accusation: I will leave him, or he must + apologize, one or the other, yes, and swear he is sorry, + too, for the things he has said to an innocent woman. + +_Iup._ + _Jup._ + + Faciundum est mi illud, fieri quod illaec postulat, + si me illam amantem ad sese studeam recipere, + quando ego quod feci, id factum Amphitruoni offuit + atque illi dudum meus amor negotium + insonti exhibuit, nunc autem insonti mihi + illius ira in hanc et male dicta expetent. + + (_aside, dryly_) Hm! It’s incumbent upon me to meet her + demands, if I wish the loving creature to take me into her + good graces again. Since my doings offended Amphitryon, and + this love affair of mine lately occasioned his guiltless + self some consternation, it is turn about now, and my + guiltless self has to suffer for the scorn and contumely he + heaped on her. + +_Alc._ + + Sed eccum video qui me miseram arguit + stupri, dedecoris. + + (_aside, seeing him_) Ah, there he is--the man that charges + his wretched wife with disloyalty and shame! + +_Iup._ + _Jup._ + + Te volo, uxor, conloqui. + quo te avortisti?[22] + + I wish to speak with you, my dear. (_circling her as she + turns her back on him_) Turned away? Where to? + +_Alc._ + + Ita ingenium meumst: + inimicos semper osa sum optuerier. 900 + + It is natural I should, sir: I always loathed looking at + enemies. + +_Iup._ + _Jup._ + + Heia autem inimicos? + + Oh, I say now! Enemies? + +_Alc._ + + Sic est, vera praedico; + nisi etiam hoc falso dici insimulaturus es. + + Yes, enemies: and that’s the truth of it--unless you intend + to term this a lie, too. + +_Iup._ + _Jup._ + + Nimis iracunda es. + + (_trying to fondle her_) You’re too irritable. + +_Alc._ + + Potin ut abstineas manum? + nam certo, si sis sanus aut sapias satis, + quam tu impudicam esse arbitrere et praedices, + cum ea tu sermonem nec ioco nec serio + tibi habeas, nisi sis stultior stultissimo. + + (_pulling away_) Can’t you keep your hands off? Why surely, + sir, if you were sane or had a particle of sense about + you, when you think your wife is immodest and tell her so + yourself, you wouldn’t hold any conversation with her at all + in jest or earnest, unless you were the silliest of silly + men. + +_Iup._ + _Jup._ + + Si dixi, nihilo magis es, neque ego esse arbitror, + et id huc revorti uti me purgarem tibi. + nam numquam quicquam meo animo fuit aegrius, 910 + quam postquam audivi ted esse iratam mihi. + cur dixisti? inquies. ego expediam tibi. + + My saying so doesn’t make you so any the more, And I don’t + think you so, either; and I’ve come back to set myself + right with you. For I never did feel sicker at heart about + anything than after I heard you were provoked with me. “Why + did you say it?” you’ll ask. I’ll clear up that point for + you. + + non edepol quo te esse impudicam crederem; + verum periclitatus sum animum tuom, + quid faceres et quo pacto id ferre induceres. + equidem ioco illa dixeram dudum tibi, + ridiculi causa. vel hunc rogato Sosiam. + + Bless your heart, it wasn’t because I believed you were + immodest. I was just testing your feelings to see what you’d + do and how you’d take it. (_forcing a laugh_) Really it was + all a joke, what I said just now, merely a bit of fun. Why, + you can ask Sosia here. (_pointing to house_) + +_Alc._ + + Quin huc adducis meum cognatum Naucratem, + testem quem dudum te adducturum dixeras, + te huc non venisse? + + (_coldly_) Why do you not bring my relative Naucrates, as + you just now said you would, to prove you had not been here? + +_Iup._ + _Jup._ + + Si quid dictum est per iocum, 920 + non aequom est id te serio praevortier. + + If something is said in joke, it’s not fair to take it in + earnest. + +_Alc._ + + Ego illud scio quam doluerit cordi meo. + + I know one thing--that joke of yours cut me to the heart, + sir. + +_Iup._ + _Jup._ + + Per dexteram tuam te, Alcumena, oro obsecro. + da mihi hanc veniam, ignosce, irata ne sies. + + (_seizing her hand_) I beg and beseech you, Alcmena, by this + right hand of yours, do forgive me for it; pardon me: don’t + be angry! + +_Alc._ + + Ego istaec feci verba virtute irrita; + nunc, quando factis me impudicis abstini, + ab impudicis dictis avorti volo. + valeas, tibi habeas res tuas, reddas meas. + iuben mi ire comites + + Your charges are refuted by my honest life; now, sir, having + been guiltless of gross behaviour, I will not be subjected + to gross language. Good bye. Keep your own things and + return me mine. Will you older my attendants to follow me? + (_turns to go_) + +_Iup._ + _Jup._ + + Sanan es? + + Are you in your senses? + +_Alc._ + + Si non iubes, + ibo egomet; comitem mihi Pudicitiam duxero.[23] 930 + + If you decline to do so, I will go with my woman’s honour as + my only escort. (_walks away_) + +_Iup._ + _Jup._ + + Mane. arbitratu tuo ius iurandum dabo, + me meam pudicam esse uxorem arbitrarier. + id ego si fallo, tum te, summe Iuppiter, + quaeso, Amphitruoni ut semper iratus sies. + + (_holding her_) Wait, wait! I’ll swear to it--at your + dictation--that I believe my wife is virtuous. If I deceive + you in this, then, Jove almighty, I invoke thy curse upon + Amphitryon for evermore. + +_Alc._ + + A, propitius sit potius. + + (_hurriedly_) Oh no! His blessing, his blessing! + +_Iup._ + _Jup._ + + Confido fore; + nam ius iurandum verum te advorsum dedi. + iam nunc irata non es? + + I trust to have it, for it is a reliable oath I have given you. + (_drawing her close_) Now you’re not angry, are you? + +_Alc._ + + Non sum. + + (_submitting_) No. + +_Iup._ + _Jup._ + + Bene facis. + nam in hominum aetate multa eveniunt huius modi: + capiunt voluptates, capiunt rursum miserias; + irae interveniunt, redeunt rursum in gratiam. 940 + verum irae si quae forte eveniunt huius modi + inter eos, rursum si reventum in gratiam est, + bis tanto amici sunt inter se quam prius. + + (_caressing her_) That’s a good girl. Why, life is full of + incidents of this sort. Human beings lay hold on pleasures + and then again on pains. Quarrels come between them, and + then they are reconciled again. But if any such quarrel as + this does happen to arise between them, then when it blows + over they are twice as fond of one another as they were + before. + +_Alc._ + + Primum cavisse oportuit ne diceres, + verum eadem si isdem purgas mi, patiunda sunt. + + You should have been careful not to say such a thing in the + first place; but if you apologize so nicely for hurting me + so, I can’t complain. + +_Iup._ + _Jup._ + + Iube vero vasa pura adornari mihi, + ut quae apud legionem vota vovi. si domum + rediissem salvos, ea ego exsolvam omnia. + + Well, well, then, have the sacrificial vessel prepared for + me so that I can pay all the vows I vowed for a safe return + home when I was in the field. + +_Alc._ + + Ego istuc curabo. + + I will attend to that. + +_Iup._ + _Jup._ + + Evocate huc Sosiam; + gubernatorem, qui in mea navi fuit 950 + Blepharonem arcessat, qui nobiscum prandeat + is adeo[24] inpransus ludificabitur, + cum ego Amphitruonem collo hinc obstricto traham. + + (_to maids in doorway_) Call Sosia out. I want him to + invite Blepharo, the pilot aboard my ship, to lunch with + us. (EXEUNT _maids_) (_aside_) As a matter of fact, friend + Blepharo will be left unlunched and looking foolish when I + turn Amphitryon out neck and crop. + +_Alc._ + + Mirum quid solus secum secreto ille agat. + atque aperiuntur aedis. exit Sosia. + + (_aside_) I wonder what he’s talking about all to himself! + Ah, there goes the door! Sosia’s coming out. + + +III. 3. + + Scene 3. + + ENTER _Sosia_. + +_Sos._ + + Amphitruo, assum. si quid opus est, impera, imperium exequar. + + Present, sir. If anything’s needed, order away and I’ll + fulfil orders. + +_Iup._ + _Jup._ + + Sosia, optume advenis. + + Sosia, you are the very man I want. + +_Sos._ + + Iam pax est inter vos duos? + nam quia vos tranquillos video, gaudeo et volup est mihi. + atque ita servom par videtur frugi sese instituere + proinde eri ut sint, ipse item sit; voltum e voltu comparet 960 + tristis sit, si eri sint tristes; hilarus sit, si gaudeant + sed age responde: iam vos rediistis in concordiam? + + Is there peace between you two now, sir? I tell you what, + it’s a pleasure, it’s a joy, to see you looking peaceful. + Yes, and to my way of thinking, an honest servant ought to + stick to this principle: be like what his betters are, model + his expression on theirs, be in the dumps if they are in the + dumps, and jolly if they are happy. But come, sir, answer + me. Have you made friends again now, eh? + +_Iup._ + _Jup._ + + Derides, qui scis haec dudum me dixisse per iocum. + + (_reprovingly_) Mocker! What I said a while ago was all in + fun, and you know it. + +_Sos._ + + An id ioco dixisti? equidem serio ac vero ratus. + + In fun, was it? Upon my soul, I thought it was the solemn + truth. + +_Iup._ + _Jup._ + + Habui expurigationem; facta pax est. + + I have explained: peace is made. + +_Sos._ + + Optume est. + + That’s grand, sir. + +_Iup._ + _Jup._ + + Ego rem divinam intus faciam, vota quae sunt. + + I will make those offerings I vowed, inside. + +_Sos._ + + Censeo. + + Very good, sir. + +_Iup._ + _Jup._ + + Tu gubernatorem a navi huc evoca verbis meis + Blepharonem, qui re divina facta mecum prandeat. + + As for you, convey my invitation to Pilot Blepharo to come + over from the ship and lunch with me after the sacrifice is + done. + +_Sos._ + + Iam hic ero, cum illic censebis esse me. + + I’ll be here by the time you think I’m there, sir. + +_Iup._ + _Jup._ + + Actutum huc redi. + + Yes, hurry back home. [EXIT _Sosia_. + + +_Alc._ + + Numquid vis, quin abeam iam intro, ut apparentur quibus opust? 970 + + Is there anything else, or shall I go in now and see to the + things you’ll need? + +_Iup._ + _Jup._ + + I sane, et quantum potest parata fac sint omnia. + + Do, by all means, and get everything ready as quickly as you + can. + +_Alc._ + + Quin venis quando vis intro? faxo haud quicquam sit morae. + + Come in as soon as you wish. I’ll make sure there’s nothing + to delay you. + +_Iup._ + _Jup._ + + Recte loquere et proinde diligentem ut uxorem decet. + + (_tenderly_) That’s the way for an attentive wife to talk. + [EXIT _Alcmena._ + + iam hisce ambo, et servos et era, frustra sunt duo, + qui me Amphitruonem rentur esse: errant probe. + nunc tu divine huc fac adsis Sosia-- + audis quae dico, tam etsi praesens non ades-- + fac Amphitruonem advenientem ab aedibus + ut abigas; quovis pacto fac commentus sis. + + There we are! Both of ’em fooled, servant and mistress, took + in thinking me Amphitryon. A sad mistake! Hark ye, Sosia the + divine, appear! You hear what I say, even though absent in + the flesh. Drive Amphitryon away from the house when he + arrives--any device you please. + + volo deludi illunc, dum cum hac usuraria 980 + uxore nunc mihi morigero. haec curata sint + fac sis, proinde adeo ut velle med intellegis, + atque ut ministres mihi, mihi cum sacruficem. + + He must be hoodwinked while I proceed to divert myself with + my wife on loan. Kindly see that this is managed precisely + as you know I wish it to be, and do me service while I am + sacrificing to myself. [EXIT _Jupiter_. + + +III. 4. + + Scene 4. + + ENTER _Mercury_ HURRIEDLY WITH BURLESQUE IMPORTANCE. + +_Mer._ + + Concedite atque abscedite omnes, de via decedite, + nec quisquam tam audax fuat homo, qui obviam obsistat mihi. + nam mihi quidem hercle qui minus liceat deo minitarier + populo, ni decedat mihi, quam servolo in comoediis? + ille navem salvam nuntiat aut irati adventum senis: + ego sum Iovi dicto audiens, eius iussu nunc huc me adfero. + quam ob rem mihi magis par est via decedere et concedere. 990 + + (_to imaginary passers-by_) Get away, get out, get off + the street, every one! Let no man be so bold as to block my + path. (_to audience_) For damme, just tell me why a god + like me hasn’t as much right to hector people that hinder + him as your paltry slave in the comedies? He brings word + the ship is safe, or the choleric old man approaching: + (_magnificently_) as for me, I hearken to the word of Jove + and at his bidding do I now hie me hither. Wherefore ’tis + still more seemly to get out, to get off the street for me. + + pater vocat me, eum sequor, eius dicto imperio sum audiens; + ut filium bonum patri esse oportet, itidem ego sum patri. + amanti sub parasitor, hortor, adsto, admoneo, gaudeo. + si quid patri volup est, voluptas ea mihi multo maxumast. + + My father calls me; I come, obedient to his best and will. + (_confidingly_) I am a good son to my father, as a son + should be. I back him up in his gallantries, encourage him, + stand by him, advise him, rejoice with him. If anything + gratifies my father, it gratifies me infinitely more. + + amat: sapit; recte facit, animo quando obsequitur suo, + quod omnis homines facere oportet, dum id modo fiat bono. + nunc Amphitruonem volt deludi meus pater: faxo probe + iam his deludetur, spectatores, vobis inspectantibus. + + He’s in love: he’s wise; he does well to indulge his + inclinations. It is what every one ought to do, that is + within due bounds. At present my father wishes Amphitryon + to be fooled: fooled he shall be finely, I promise you, here + and now, spectators, and under your inspection. + + capiam coronam mi ni caput, adsimulabo me esse ebrium; + atque illuc sursum escendero: inde optume aspellam virum 1000 + de supero, cum huc accesserit; faciam ut sit madidus sobrius. + deinde illi actutum sufferet suos servos poenas Sosia: + eum fecisse ille hodie arguet quae ego fecero hic. quid mea? + meo me aequomst morigerum patri, eius studio servire addecet. + + I’m going to put a garland on my head and make believe I’m + drunk, yes, and I’ll climb out on the roof yonder (_pointing + to Amphitryon’s house_) and repel our returning hero in + glorious style from up above there. I’ll see that he’s both + soaked and sober. Then that servant Sosia of his shall + promptly smart for it, Sosia being accused of doing what + I do here. But what of that? I must humour my own father: + it is only dutiful to meet his desires. + + sed eccum Amphitruonem, advenit; iam ille hic deludetur probe, + siquidem vos voltis auscultando operam dare. + ibo intro, ornatum capiam qui potis decet; + dein susum ascendam in tectum, ut illum hinc prohibeam. + + (_looking down street_) But there’s Amphitryon coming! Here + and now he’ll be finely fooled--if you’ll only take the + trouble to attend. I’ll go inside and make up as a person + flown with wine; then I’ll up on the roof to keep him off. + [EXIT INTO HOUSE. + + + + + ACTVS IV + + ACT IV + + + ENTER _Amphitryon_ WEARILY. + +_Amph._ + + Naucratem quem convenire volui, in navi non erat, + neque domi neque in urbe invenio quemquam qui illum viderit. 1010 + nam omnis plateas perreptavi, gymnasia et myropolia; + apud emporium atque in macello, in palaestra atque in foro, + in medicinis, in tonstrinis, apud omnis aedis sacras + sum defessus quaeritando. nusquam invenio Naucratem. + + Naucrates, whom I wanted to get hold of wasn’t on the ship, + and not a soul can I find at his house or in the city who + has seen him. Why, I’ve hobbled through every street, + gymnasium, and perfumery shop: down in the bazaar and the + market, at the athletic field and the forum, too, at the + doctor’s, the barber’s, the holy temples from first to + last,--I’m tired to death looking for him and not a sign of + Naucrates anywhere. + + nunc domum ibo atque ex uxore hanc rem pergam exquirere, + quis fuerit quem propter corpus suom stupri compleverit + nam me, quam illam quaestionem inquisitam hodie amittere, + mortuom satrust. sed aedis occluserunt. eugepae, + pariter hoc fit atque ut alia facta sunt. feriam foris. + aperite hoc. heus, ecquis hic est? ecquis hoc aperit ostium? 1020 + + Now I’m going home and ask my wife some more questions + about this, and (_savagely_) find out who it is she has + prostituted herself for. Ah, I’d sooner die than let the + day pass without having this matter settled. (_trying door_) + Well! they’ve locked up the house! Nice doings! Quite in + accord with the rest of it. I’ll knock. (_does so_) Open + up here! Hey! is anyone in? Open--somebody! (_knocks more + lustily_) + + +IV. 2. + + Scene 2. + + _Mercury_, MUCH DISHEVELED, APPEARS ON ROOF. + +_Mer._ + + Quis ad fores est? + + (_thickly_) Who’s at the door? + +_Amph._ + + Ego sum. + + I am. + +_Mer._ + + Quid ego sum? + + I am, eh? + +_Amph._ + + Ita loquor. + + (_sharply_) So I say. + +_Mer._ + + Tibi Iuppiter + dique omnes nati certo sunt, qui sic frangas fores. + + Jupiter and ... all the ... gods ... are surely angry at you + ... demolishing our door so. + +_Amph._ + + Quo modo? + + What do you mean! + +_Mer._ + + Eo modo, ut profecto vivas aetatem miser. + + Here’s ... what I mean ... you’re certainly going to have a + bad, bad time of it. + +_Amph._ + + Sosia. + + (_sternly_) Sosia! + +_Mer._ + + Ita, sum Sosia, nisi me esse oblitum existimas. + quid nunc vis? + + Just so! That’s me ... unless you think I’ve forgotten. Now + what do ... you want? + +_Amph._ + + Sceleste, at etiam quid velim, id tu me rogas. + + Rascal! Do you actually dare ask me that--what I want? + +_Mer._ + + Ita, rogo. paene effregisti, fatue, foribus cardines + an foris censebas nobis publicitus praeberier? + quid me aspectas, stolide? quid nunc vis tibi? aut quid tu es homo? + + Of course I do. You’ve almost hammered the doors off their + hinges, you ... stupid. Didn’t suppose we were supplied with + doors at public expense, did you? What are you staring at me + for, you ... booby? What are you after now? Who are you? + +_Amph._ + + Verbero, etiam quis ego sim me rogitas, ulmorum Acheruns? + quem pol ego hodie ob istaec dicta faciam ferventem flagris. 1030 + + You scoundrel! Still asking me who I am, you death on rods, + you? By gad, I’ll warm you up with a whip to day for this + insolence! + +_Mer._ + + Prodigum te fuisse oportet olim in adulescentia. + + You must have been a waster ... in your ... younger days. + +_Amph._ + + Quidum? + + How so? + +_Mer._ + + Quia senecta aetate a me mendicas malum. + + Well ... here you are in your declining years begging ... me + for trouble. + +_Amph._ + + Cum cruciatu tuo istaec hodie, verna, verba funditas. + + You shall soon suffer for this flow of language, you drudge. + +_Mer._ + + Sacrufico ego tibi. + + I’m sacrificing to ye, I am. + +_Amph._ + + Qui? + + How? + +_Mer._ + + Quia enim te macto infortunio. + + (_slyly poising a pail of water_) Why, because I’m making + you an offering of a ... calamity. + + [_At this point there is a gap in the MSS. Only a few + lines have been preserved. Leo outlines the lost part as + follows: After Mercury has had sufficient amusement with + Amphitryon, the disturbance calls Alcmena from within. She + has a dispute with her husband--Jupiter had left her earlier + so that he might offer sacrifice--and shuts him out of the + house. Perhaps Amphitryon went away to summon friends to aid + him: at any rate, Sosia appears with Blepharo and gets a bad + welcome from his master, despite Blepharo’s patronage, and + then escapes. Jupiter comes out of the house. Husband and + lover abuse each other vigorously and a scuffle ensues. + Blepharo is appealed to by Amphitryon, only to be made + ridiculous by Jupiter._] + +_Amph._ + + At ego te cruce et cruciatu mactabo, mastigia. I + + But I’ll make you an offering of torture and torment, you + whipping post. + +_Mer._ + + Erus Amphitruost occupatus. II + + The master, Amphitryon, is busy. + +_Mer._ + + abiendi nunc tibi etiam occasiost. III (XV LG) + + ---- now you still have a chance to leave. + +_Mer._ + + Optimo iure infringatur aula cineris in caput. IV (III) + + It would serve you right to have a pot of ashes broken on + your head. + +_Mer._ + + Ne tu postules matulam unam tibi aquae infundi in caput V (IV) + + You would certainly ask to have one jar of water emptied on + your head. + +_Mer._ + + Larvatu’s edepol hominem miserum medicum quaerita. VI (VII) + + Bewitched! Dear, dear! poor man! Look for a doctor. + +_Alc._ + + Exiuravisti te mihi dixe per iocum. VII (XI) + + You swore solemnly that you said it to me in fun. + +_Alc._ + + Quaeso advenienti morbo medicari iube VIII (XII) + tu certe aut larvatus aut cerritus es. + + For mercy’s sake have this disease treated at the outset; + you surely are bewitched or crazed. + +_Alc._ + + Nisi hoc ita factum est, proinde ut factum esse autumo, IX (XIII) + non causam dico quin vero insimules probri. + + If this did not take place just as I state, you have every + right to accuse me of unchastity. + +_Amph._ + + Cuius? quae me absente corpus volgavit suom. X (XVI) + + Whose? A woman that prostituted herself in my absence! + +_Amph._ + + Quid minitabas te facturum, si istas pepulissem fores? XI (V) + + What were you threatening to do, if I pounded on that door? + +_Amph._ + + Ibi scrobes ecfodito tu plus sexagenos in die. XII (VI) + + There dig more than sixty ditches a day. + +_Amph._ + + Noli pessimo precari XIII (XVII) + + Don’t intercede for an utter rascal. + +_Bleph._ + + animam comprime XIV (XVIII) + + ---- save your breath. + +_Iup._ + _Jup._ + + Manifestum hunc optorto collo teneo furem flagiti XV (IX) + + I have him by the scruff of the neck, an outrageous thief + caught in the act. + +_Amph._ + + Immo ego hunc, Thebani cives, qui domi uxorem meam XVI (X) + impudicitia impedivit, teneo, thensaurum stupri + + No, no, Theban citizens, I have him, the monster of lust who + has brought disgrace on my wife at home. + +_Amph._ + + Nilne te pudet, sceleste, populi in conspectum ingredi? XVII (VIII) + + Aren’t you at all ashamed, you villain, to come out into + public sight? + +_Amph._ + + clandestino. XVIII (XIX) + + ---- clandestinely. + +_Amph._ sive _Iup._ + _Amph._ or _Jup._ + + Qui nequeas nostrorum uter sit Amphitruo decernere. XIX (XIV) + + You who are unable to decide which of us is Amphitryon. + + +IV. 3. + + Scene 3. + +_Bleph._ + + Vos inter vos partite; ego abeo, mihi negotium est; + neque ego umquam usquam tanta mira me vidisse censeo. + + (_disgustedly_) You must untangle your own selves: I’m + going: I have an engagement. (_aside_) Never did I see such + marvels anywhere, I do believe. (_turns to go_) + +_Amph._ + + Blepharo, quaeso ut advocatus mi adsis neve abeas. + + Blepharo! Stand by me, for mercy’s sake, and be my assistant: + don’t go! + +_Bleph._ + + Vale. + quid opust me advocato, qui utri sim advocatus nescio? + + Good-bye. What’s the use of my being an assistant when I + don’t know which to be it to? [EXIT _Blepharo_. + + + +_Iup._ + _Jup._ + + Intro ego hinc eo. Alcumena parturit. + + (_aside_) I’m going inside myself: Alcmena’s delivery is at + hand. [EXIT _Jupiter_ INTO HOUSE, UNSEEN BY _Amphitryon_. + +_Amph._ + + Perii miser. + quid ego faciam, quem advocati iam atque amici deserunt? 1040 + numquam edepol me inultus istic ludificabit, quisquis est; + nam iam ad regem recta me ducam resque ut facta est eloquar.[25] + ego pol illum ulciscar hodie Thessalum veneficum, + qui pervorse perturbavit familiae mentem meae. + sed ubi illest? intro edepol abiit, credo ad uxorem meam. + + (_wildly_) Heavens! oh, Heavens! What shall I do now when + assistants and friends desert me? By the Lord, that villain + shall never make game of me and escape, whoever he is! I’ll + go straight to the king this moment and tell him all as it + happened. I swear I’ll have my revenge this day on that + Thessalian sorcerer who has turned the wits of my household + topsy-turvy. (_looking around_) Where is he, though? Good + God! He’s gone inside--to my wife, no doubt! + + qui me Thebis alter vivit miserior? quid nunc agam? + quem omnes mortales ignorant et ludificant ut lubet. + certumst, intro rumpam in aedis: ubi quemque hominem aspexero, + si ancillam seu servom sive uxorem sive adulterum + seu patrem sive avom videbo, obtruncabo in aedibus. 1050 + neque me Iuppiter neque di omnes id prohibebunt, si volent, + quin sic faciam ut constitui. pergam in aedis nunciam. + + Oh, of all miserable men in Thebes! What shall I do now? + Disowned and humbugged by every mortal soul to suit their + humour! (_pause_) My mind’s made up--I’ll burst into + the house, and every human creature there I set my eyes on, + maid or man, wife or paramour, father or grandfather, I’ll + cut them down in my halls! And not the will of Jupiter and + all the gods shall stop my doing as I’ve determined! I’ll in + this minute! (_he rushes toward door: a peal of thunder: + he falls to ground motionless_) + + + + +ACTVS V + + ACT V + + + (_Half an hour has elapsed._) + + ENTER _Bromia_ FROM HOUSE, IN A PANIC. + +_Brom._ + + Spes atque opes vitae meae iacent sepultae in pectore, + neque ullast confidentia iam in corde, quin amiserim; + ita mihi videntur omnia, mare terra caelum, consequi, + iam ut opprimar, ut enicer. me miseram, quid agam nescio. + + Oh, my hopes and chances of getting out of this alive are + dead and buried inside of me! There’s not a thing left to + keep my courage up now! The way everything--sea, land, sky-- + does seem set on crushing me, killing me off this instant! + Oh dear, oh dear! What to do I don’t know. + + ita tanta mira in aedibus sunt facta. vae miserae mihi, + animo malest, aquam velim. corrupta sum atque absumpta sum. + caput dolet, neque audio, nec oculis prospicio satis, + nec me miserior femina est neque ulla videatur magis. 1060 + + Such amazing + things as did happen in there! Oh, poor me! I feel faint. + Oh, for some water! I’m a wreck, I’m all done up. My head’s + splitting, and I can’t hear or see right, either. There + isn’t a wretcheder woman on earth, or one that could seem + so, either. + + ita erae meae hodie contigit. nam ubi parturit, deos sibi invocat, + strepitus, crepitus, sonitus, tonitrus: + ut subito, ut propere, ut valide tonuit! + ubi quisque institerat, concidit crepitu. ibi nescio quis maxuma + voce exclamat: “Alcumena, adest auxilium, ne time: + et tibi et tuis propitius caeli cultor advenit. + exsurgite” inquit “qui terrore meo occidistis prae metu.” + + The experience mistress did have this day! As + soon as her time comes she calls on the gods to help her, + and there’s a grumbling and rumbling and smashing and + crashing--what a crash, so sudden and quick and heavy it + was! Every one fell flat where he stood at the peal. And + then some one or other called out in a mighty voice: + “Alcmena, help is at hand: be not afraid. To thee and thine + the sovereign of the skies comes in kindliness. Rise,” he + said, “ye who have fallen in terror, from dread of me.” + + ut iacui, exsurgo. ardere censui aedis, ita tum confulgebant. + ibi me inclamat Alcumena; iam ea res me horrore adficit, + erilis praevertit metus: accurro, ut sciscam quid velit. + atque illam geminos filios pueros peperisse conspicor; 1070 + neque nostrum quisquam sensimus, quom peperit, neque providimus. + + Having dropped, I got on my feet: I thought the house was + afire, the way it was all lit up then. Just then Alcmena + calls for me to come. I was trembling already at what + happened, but fear of mistress prevailed, and up I run + to find out what she wants. And there I see she has given + birth to twins, boys, and not a soul of us noticed when + it happened, or is ready for it! + + sed quid hoc? quis hic est senex, qui ante aedis nostras sic iacet? + numnam hunc percussit Iuppiter? + credo edepol, nam, pro Iuppiter, sepultust quasi sit mortuos. + ibo et cognoscam, quisquis est. Amphitruo hic quidem est erus meus. + Amphitruo. + + (_sees prostrate Amphitryon_) But what’s this? Who’s + this old man lying like this in front of our house? Why, + can it be he’s struck by lightning? Why, mercy me, I do + believe so! For, good gracious, he’s as completely disposed + of as if he was a corpse! I’ll go find out, whoever it + is. (_approaches_) It’s Amphitryon! It’s my master! + (_calling_) Amphitryon! + +_Amph._ + + Perii. + + (_feebly_) Heaven help me! + +_Brom._ + + Surge. + + Get up, sir. + +_Amph._ + + Interii. + + I’m dead! + +_Brom._ + + Cedo manum. + + Give me your hand, sir. (_takes it_) + +_Amph._ + + Quis me tenet? + + Who has hold of me? + +_Brom._ + + Tua Bromia ancilla. + + Your servant maid, sir, Bromia. + +_Amph._ + + Totus timeo, ita me increpuit Iuppiter. + nec secus est, quasi si ab Acherunte veniam. sed quid tu foras + egressa es? + + I’m paralysed with fear! Oh, Jove, what a bolt! I feel as if + I were getting back--from the next world. (_he gets up_) But + what made you come out? + +_Brom._ + + Eadem nos formido timidas terrore impulit + in aedibus, tu ubi habitas. nimia mira vidi. vae mihi, 1080 + Amphitruo, ita mihi animus etiam nunc abest. + + We poor women were struck with the same terror in this house + of yours, sir. I’ve seen the most amazing things! Oh deary + me, master, I’m just clean dazed even now! + +_Amph._ + + Agedum expedi: + scin me tuom esse erum Amphitruonem? + + Come, come, quick, tell me--do you know me for your master, + Amphitryon? + +_Brom._ + + Scio. + + Surely, sir. + +_Amph._ + + Vide etiam nunc. + + Here, look, look again! + +_Brom._ + + Scio. + + (_obeying_) Surely, sir. + +_Amph._ + + Haec sola sanam mentem gestat meorum familiarium. + + (_half aside_) She’s the only one of my household that has + any sanity about her. + +_Brom._ + + Immo omnes sani sunt profecto. + + Oh no, sir, they’re all sane, of course they are. + +_Amph._ + + At me uxor insanum facit + suis foedis factis. + + Well, my wife had driven me insane with her infamous + actions! + +_Brom._ + + At ego faciam, tu idem ut aliter praedices, + Amphitruo, piam et pudicam esse tuam uxorem ut scias. + de ea re signa atque argumenta paucis verbis eloquar. + omnium primum: Alcumena geminos peperit filios. + + (_warmly_) Well, I’ll make you change that tune, sir, your + very own self, and make you realize that your wife is a + pious, honest woman, sir. I’ll soon give you signs and + proofs of that. First of all, she has given birth to + twin sons. + +_Amph._ + + Ain tu, geminos? + + What’s that--twins? + +_Brom._ + + Geminos. + + Twins. + +_Amph._ + + Di me servant. + + The gods are with me! + +_Brom._ + + Sine me dicere, + ut scias tibi tuaeque uxori decs esse omnis propitios. 1090 + + Let me go on, so that you may know all the gods mean well by + you and your wife, sir. + +_Amph._ + + Loquere. + + Yes, yes. + +_Brom._ + + Postquam parturire hodie uxor occepit tua, + ubi utero exorti dolores, ut solent puerperae + invocat deos immortales, ut sibi auxilium ferant, + manibus puris, capite operto. ibi continuo contonat + sonitu maxumo; aedes primo ruere rebamur tuas. + aedes totae confulgebant tuae, quasi essent aureae. + + After she began to feel near her time to-day and her pains + were setting in, she called on the immortal gods to help + her--as women do, sir, in labour--with clean washed hands + and covered head. She had no sooner begun than there was a + frightful thunder clap. At first we thought your house was + tumbling down: your whole house was shining, sir, just as if + it was gold. + +_Amph._ + + Quaeso absolvito hinc me extemplo, quando satis deluseris. + quid fit deinde? + + For heaven’s sake hurry up and don’t keep me on tenterhooks! + I have had enough of your trifling! What happened next? + +_Brom._ + + Dum haec aguntur, interea uxorem tuam + neque gementem neque plorantem nostrum quisquam audivimus; + ita profecto sine dolore peperit. + + While this was going on, not one of us heard your wife groan + or whimper a bit, sir, the whole time: that’s how she bore + those boys, sir--never a pang, that’s plain. + +_Amph._ + + Iam istuc gaudeo, 1100 + utut erga me merita est. + + (_heartily_) Well now, I’m glad of that, no matter what her + behaviour to me has been. + +_Brom._ + + Mitte ista atque haec quae dicam accipe. + postquam peperit, pueros lavere iussit nos. occepimus. + sed puer ille quem ego lavi, ut magnust et multum valet! + neque eum quisquam colligare quivit incunabulis. + + Do let that be, sir, and listen. After they were born she + told us to bathe them. We began. But that boy I bathed! How + big and strong he was! Not a soul of us could wrap him in + his swaddling clothes. + +_Amph._ + + Nimia mira memoras; si istaec vera sunt, divinitus + non metuo quin meae uxori latae suppetiae sient. + + A most astounding story! If it be true, there’s no doubt + that my wife received divine aid. + +_Brom._ + + Magis iam faxo mira dices. postquam in cunas conditust, + devolant angues iubati deorsum in impluvium duo + maximi: continuo extollunt ambo capita. + + You’ll call this more astounding still, sir, I warrant you. + After he was tucked in his cradle, two enormous crested + serpents came slipping down into the fountain basin: the + next second both of them were lifting up their heads. + +_Amph._ + + Ei mihi. + + Heavens and earth! + +_Brom._ + + Ne pave. sed angues occulis omnis cirumvisere. 1110 + postquam pueros conspicati, pergunt ad cunas citi. + ego cunas recessim rursum vorsum trahere et ducere, + metuens pueris, mihi formidans; tantoque angues acrius + persequi. postquam conspexit angues ille alter puer, + citus e cunis exilit, facit recta in anguis impetum: + alterum altera prehendit eos manu perniciter. + + Don’t be scared. Well, the serpents glared around at all of + us. As soon as they spied the boys they made for the cradles + like a flash. I backed away, fearful for the boys and + frightened for myself, pulling and hauling the cradles along + after me with the serpents a-chasing us all the angrier. The + minute that boy I was telling of sets eyes on the serpents + he’s up and out of that cradle in a trice, rushing straight + for ’em and grabbing ’em one in each hand quick as a wink. + +_Amph._ + + Mira memoras, nimis formidolosum facinus praedicas; + nam mihi horror membra misero percipit dictis tuis. + quid fit deinde? porro loquere. + + Astounding! Astounding! A perfectly horrifying tale! Mercy + on us! why, your very words palsy me! What then? Go on, go + on! + +_Brom._ + + Puer ambo angues enicat. + dum haec aguntur, voce clara exclamat uxorem tuam-- 1120 + + The boy chokes both serpents to death. While this is going + on, in a clear voice he calls out the name of your wife-- + +_Amph._ + + Quis homo? + + Who does? + +_Brom._ + + Summus imperator divom atque hominum Iuppiter. + is se dixit cum Alcumena clam consuetum cubitibus, + eumque filium suom esse qui illos angues vicerit; + alterum tuom esse dixit puerum. + + The almighty ruler of gods and men, Jupiter. He said that he + himself had secretly shared Alcmena’s bed and that that was + his son who had crushed the serpents: the other one, he + said, was your own child. + +_Amph._ + + Pol me haud paenitet, + si licet boni dimidium mihi dividere cum Iove. + abi domum, iube vasa pura actutum adornari mihi, + ut Iovis supremi multis hostiis pacem expetam. + + Well, well, well! I make no complaint at being permitted to + have Jove as partner in my blessings. In with you, girl! + Have sacrificial vessels made ready for me instantly so that + I may seek the favour of omnipotent Jove with ample + offerings. [EXIT _Bromia_. + + ego Teresiam coniectorem advocabo et consulam + quid faciundum censeat; simul hanc rem ut facta est eloquar. + sed quid hoc? quam valide tonuit. di, obsecro vostram fidem. 1130 + + I’ll summon Tiresias the prophet and consult with him as to + what he thinks should be done, and at the same time tell him + all that’s happened, (_thunder_) But what’s this? That awful + thunder peal! Heaven preserve us! + + +V. 2. + + Scene 2. + + _Jupiter_ APPEARS ABOVE. + +_Iup._ + _Jup._ + + Bono animo es, adsum auxilio, Amphitruo, tibi et tuis: + nihil est quod timeas. hariolos, haruspices + mitte omnes; quae futura et quae facta eloquar, + multo adeo melius quam illi, quom sum Iuppiter. + primum omnium Alcumenae usuram corporis + cepi, et concubitu gravidam feci filio. + + Be of good cheer. I am here with aid, Amphitryon, for thee + and thine. Thou hast naught to fear. Seers, soothsayers-- + have none of them. I will make known to thee future and past + alike, and better far than they, moreover, for I am Jupiter. + First of all, then, I took thy Alcmena to myself and by me + she was made a mother. + + tu gravidam item fecisti, cum in exercitum + profectu’s: uno partu duos peperit simul. + eorum alter, nostro qui est susceptus semine, + suis factis te immortali adficiet gloria. 1140 + tu cum Alcumena uxore antiquam in gratiam + redi: haud promeruit quam ob rem vitio vorteres; + mea vi subactast facere. ego in caelum migro. + + By thee too was she with child when thou didst go forth to + war: at one birth she bore them both. The one begotten of my + seed shall win thee undying glory by his works. Live again + in fond concord as of old with thy wife Alcmena: she has + done naught to merit thy reproach: my power was on her. + I now depart to heaven. [EXIT _Jupiter_. + + +V. 3. + + Scene 3. + +_Amph._ + + Faciam ita ut iubes et te oro, promissa ut serves tua, + ibo ad uxorem intro, missum facio Teresiam senem. + + (_reverently_) Thy will shall be done: and keep thy + word with me, I beg thee. (_after a pause_) I’ll in and + see my wife! No more of old Tiresias! + + nunc, spectatores, Iovis summi causa clare plaudite. + + (_to the audience_) + Now, spectators, for the sake of Jove almighty, give us some + loud applause. + + [EXIT. + + [Footnote 2: Corrupt (Leo): _Alcumena_ MSS: _illa_ Bothe.] + + [Footnote 4: Leo brackets following v., 14: + _lucrum ut perenne vobis semper suppetat._] + + [Footnote 5: Corrupt (Leo): _affero_ MSS: + _fero_ Acidalius, followed by Lindsay and others.] + + [Footnote 6: Leo assumes lacuna here.] + + [Footnote 7: _architectust_ Pareus: _architectus_ MSS. + Lambinus suggests that the actor who took the part of Jupiter + may have been a builder.] + + [Footnote 8: Corrupt (Leo): _illi_ MSS: + _ille illi_ Ussing, followed by Lindsay.] + + [Footnote 9: Leo brackets following v., 93: + _praeterea certo prodit in tragoedia._] + + [Footnote 10: Leo brackets following v., 173: + _nec aequom anne iniquom imperet cogitabit._] + + [Footnote 11: _vicimus vi_ MSS: Leo brackets _vicimus._] + + [Footnote 12: Corrupt (Leo): “_Convertitur pro convertit_,” + Nonius 480.] + + [Footnote 13: Corrupt (Leo): _neme esse_ MSS: + among the many emendations is _sane_ (Palmer).] + + [Footnote 14: Leo brackets following v., 401: + _qui cum Amphitruone hinc una ieram in exercitum._] + + [Footnote 15: Leo brackets following v., 489-90: + _et ne in suspicione ponatur stupri_ + _et clandestina ut celetur consuetio._] + + [Footnote 16: Corrupt (Leo): _si non id ita_ J.] + + [Footnote 17: Leo notes slight _lacuna_ here: + _mirum_ MSS: _mirum mirum_ Spengel.] + + [Footnote 18: Leo brackets following v., 629-632: + + _sed vide ex navi efferantur quae imperavi iam omnia._ + Sos. + _Et memor sum et diligens, ut quae imperes comparcant;_ + _non ego cum vino simitu ebibi imperium tuom._ + Amph. + _Vtinam di faxint, infecta dicta re eveniant tua._] + + [Footnote 19: Corrupt (Leo): _quom te gravidam_ MSS: + _quom gravidam_ Pylades.] + + [Footnote 20: Leo brackets following v., 685: + _atque me nunc proinde appellas quasi multo post videris?_] + + [Footnote 21: _enim verbis probas_ Lachmann: + _probas_ vel _proba’s_ Lindsay: _in verbis probas_ MSS.] + + [Footnote 22: Leo notes lacuna here. _Ita ingenium_ MSS: + _Ita ingeni ingenium_ Seyffert, followed by Lindsay.] + + [Footnote 23: Corrupt (Leo): _duxero_ MSS: _adsero_ Leo + + [Footnote 24: Leo notes lacuna here and suggests + _is a Mercurio impransus_.] + + [Footnote 25: Corrupt (Leo): _nam iam_ MSS: _iam_ Gruter.] + + * * * * * + +[Transcriber’s Corrections: _Amphitryon_ + + Personae: + MERCVRIVS DEUS, SOSIA SERVUS... + spelling unchanged, as in _Captivi_ + + I. 1. l. 314 + nam continuas has tris noctes pervigilavi + text reads _contiuas_ + + I. 1. + _Sos._ ...and my name is Sosia + text reads _my same is Sosia_ ] + + II. 1. l. 580 + _Sos._: Quid est negoti? + Latin text omits speaker’s name + + V. 2. l. 1142 + haud promeruit quam ob rem vitio vorteres + text reads _quam ob tem_ ] + + * * * * * + * * * * + * * * * * + + +ASINARIA + + THE COMEDY OF ASSES + + + * * * * * + +ARGVMENTVM + + ARGUMENT OF THE PLAY + + *A*manti argento filio auxiliarier + *S*ub imperio vivens volt senex uxorio. + *I*taque ob asinos relatum pretium Saureae + *N*umerari iussit servolo Leonidae. + *A*d amicam id fertur. cedit noctem filius. + *R*ivalis amens ob praereptam mulierem, + *I*s rem omnem uxori per parasitum nuntiat. + *A*ccurrit uxor ac virum e lustris rapit. + + An old gentleman, whose wife is the head of the household, + desires to give his son financial support in a love affair. + He therefore had some money, brought to Saurea in payment + for some asses, counted out to a certain rascally servant of + his own, Leonida. This money goes to the young fellow’s + mistress, and he concedes his father an evening with her. + A rival of his, beside himself at being deprived of the + girl, sends word, by a parasite, to the old gentleman’s + wife, of the whole matter. In rushes the wife and drags her + husband from the house of vice. + + + + +PERSONAE + + DRAMATIS PERSONAE + + LIBANVS SERVVS + DEMAENETVS SENEX + ARGYRIPPVS ADVLESCENS + CLEARETA LENA + LEONIDA SERVVS + MERCATOR + PHILAENIVM MERETRIX + DIABOLVS ADVLESCENS + PARASITVS + ARTEMONA MATRONA + + LIBANUS, _slave of Demaenetus_. + DEMAENETUS, _an old gentleman of Athens_. + ARGYRIPPUS, _his son_. + CLEARETA, _a procuress_. + LEONIDA, _slave of Demaenetus_. + A TRADER. + PHILAENIUM, _a courtesan, daughter of Cleareta_. + DIABOLUS, _a young gentleman of Athens_. + A PARASITE. + ARTEMONA, _wife of Demaenetus_. + + + + + _Scene:--Athens. A street running in front of the houses + of Demaenetus and Cleareta: between the houses is a narrow + lane._ + + +PROLOGVS + + PROLOGUE + + Hoc agite sultis, spectatores, nunciam, + quae quidem mihi atque vobis res vertat bene + gregique huic et dominis atque conductoribus. + face nunciam tu, praeco, omnem auritum poplum. + + Kindly give us your entire attention now, spectators: I + heartily hope it will result in benefit to me, also to you, + and to this company and its managers, and to those that hire + them. (_turning to a herald_) Herald, provide all this crowd + with ears at once. (_the herald proclaims silence_) + + age nunc reside, cave modo ne gratiis. + nunc quid processerim huc et quid mihi voluerim + dicam: ut sciretis nomen huius fabulae; + nam quod ad argumentum attinet, sane brevest. + + Enough enough! Sit down--and be sure you put that in your + bill! (_to audience_) Now I shall say why I have come out + before you here and what I wished: I have come to acquaint + you with the name of this play. For as far as the plot is + concerned, that is quite simple. + + nunc quod me dixi velle vobis dicere, + dicam: huic nomen Graece Onagost fabulae; 10 + Demophilus scripsit, Maccus vortit barbare; + Asinariam volt esse, si per vos licet. + inest lepos ludusque in hac comoedia, + ridicula res est. date benigne operam mihi, + ut vos, ut alias, pariter nunc Mars adiuvet. + + Now I shall say what I said I wished to say: the Greek + name of this play is ONAGOS: Demophilus wrote it: Maccus + translated it into a foreign tongue. He wishes to call it + THE COMEDY OF ASSES, by your leave. It is a clever comedy, + full of drollery and laughable situations. Do oblige me by + being attentive, that now too, as in other days, Mars may be + with you. + + + + + ACTVS I + + ACT I + + + ENTER _Demaenetus_, FROM HIS HOUSE, BRINGING _Libanus_. + +_Lib._ + + Sicut tuom vis unicum gnatum tuae + superesse vitae sospitem et superstitem, + ita ted obtestor per senectutem tuam + perque illam, quam tu metuis, uxorem tuam, + si quid med erga hodie falsum dixeris, 20 + ut tibi superstes uxor aetatem siet + atque illa viva vivos ut pestem oppetas. + + (_very solemnly_) As you hope to have your only son survive + hale and hearty, sir, when you’re gone yourself, I implore + you, sir, by your hoary hairs and by the one you dread, your + wife, sir--if you tell me any lie to-day, may she outlast + you by years and years, yes, sir, and you die a living death + with her alive. + +_Dem._ + + Per Dium Fidium quaeris: iurato mihi + video necesse esse eloqui quidquid roges.[1] (24) + proinde actutum istuc quid sit quod scire expetis (27) + eloquere: ut ipse scibo, te faciam ut scias. + + (_laughing_) You beg me by the very God of Truth. Once + under oath, I see I must tell you whatever you ask. Come + then, quick! Let me hear what you wish to know, and so far + as I know myself, I shall let you know. + +_Lib._ + + Die obsecro hercle serio quod te rogem, + cave mihi mendaci quicquam. + + For God’s sake, sir, do please answer my question seriously! + No lying to me, sir, mind that! + +_Dem._ + + Quin tu ergo rogas? 30 + + Then why not ask your question? + +_Lib._ + + Num me illuc ducis, ubi lapis lapidem terit? + + (_anxiously_) You won’t take me where stone rubs stone, sir? + +_Dem._ + + Quid istuc est? aut ubi istuc est terrarum loci?[2] (32) + + What do you mean? Where in the world is that? + +_Lib._ + + Apud fustitudinas, ferricrepinas insulas, (34) + ubi vivos homines mortui incursant boves. + + There at the Clubbangian-Chainclangian Islands, sir, where + dead oxen attack living men. + +_Dem._ + + Modo pol percepi, Libane, quid istuc sit loci: + ubi fit polenta, te fortasse dicere. + + (_reflecting, then with a chuckle_) Bless my soul! At last + I get your meaning, Libanus--the barley mill[A]: I daresay + that’s the place you mention. + + [Footnote A: Where he might be beaten with ox-hide whips.] + +_Lib._ + + Ah, + neque hercle ego istuc dico nec dictum volo, + teque obsecro hercle, ut quae locutu’s despuas. + + (_in grotesque terror_) Oh Lord, no! I’m not mentioning + that, and I don’t want it mentioned, either, and for the + love of heaven, sir, do spit away that word! + +_Dem._ + + Fiat, geratur mos tibi. + + (_spitting_) All right. Anything to humour you. + +_Lib._ + + Age, age usque excrea. 40 + + Go on, sir, go on! Hawk it way up! + +_Dem._ + + Etiamne? + + (_spitting again_) Will that do? + +_Lib._ + + Age quaeso hercle usque ex penitis faucibus, + etiam amplius. + + Go on, sir, for God’s sake, way from the bottom of your + gullet! (_Demaenetus spits violently_) Farther down still, + sir! + +_Dem._ + + Nam quo usque? + + Eh? How far? + +_Lib._ + + Usque ad mortem volo. + + (_half aside_) To the door of death, I hope. + +_Dem._ + + Cave sis malam rem. + + (_angrily_) Kindly look out, my man, look out! + +_Lib._ + + Uxoris dico, non tuam. + + (_hastily_) Your wife’s, sir, I mean, not yours. + +_Dem._ + + Dono te ob istuc dictum, ut expers sis metu. + + (_laughing_) Never fear--for that remark I grant you + immunity. + +_Lib._ + + Di tibi dent quaecumque optes. + + And heaven grant you all your prayers, sir. + +_Dem._ + + Redde operam mihi. + cur hoc ego ex te quaeram? aut cur miniter tibi + propterea quod me non scientem feceris? + aut cur postremo filio suscenseam, + patres ut faciunt ceteri? + + Now listen to me for a change. Why should I ask you about + this? Or threaten you because you haven’t informed me? Or + for that matter, why should I fly into a rage at my son, + as other fathers do? + +_Lib._ + + Quid istuc novi est? 50 + demiror quid sit et quo evadat sum in metu. + + (_aside_) Hm! What’s this surprise? Wonder what it means! + Where it will end is what scares me. + +_Dem._ + + Equidem scio iam, filius quod amet meus + istanc meretricem e proxumo Philaenium. + estne hoc ut dico, Libane? + + As a matter of fact, I know already that my son has an + affair with that wench, Philaenium, next door. Isn’t that + so, Libanus? + +_Lib._ + + Rectam instas viam. + ea res est. sed eum morbus invasit gravis. + + You’re on the right track, sir. That’s how it is. But he has + suffered a severe shock. + +_Dem._ + + Quid morbi est? + + Shock? What? + +_Lib._ + + Quia non suppetunt dictis data. + + Well, his presents are falling short of his promises. + +_Dem._ + + Tune es adiutor nunc amanti filio? + + Are you aiding my son in this amour? + +_Lib._ + + Sum vero, et alter noster est Leonida. + + Indeed I am, sir, and so is my mate, your servant Leonida. + +_Dem._ + + Bene hercle facitis et a me initis gratiam. + verum meam uxorem, Libane, nescis qualis sit? 60 + + Well, well, my lad, thanks! You are both earning my + gratitude. But (_looking cautiously around_) my wife, + Libanus, don’t you know her temperament? + +_Lib._ + + Tu primus sentis, nos tamen in pretio sumus. + + (_with certainty_) You feel it first, sir, but we get plenty + of it. + +_Dem._ + + Fateor eam esse importunam atque incommodam. + + (_awkwardly_) I confess that she is ... high-handed and ... + hard to get along with. + +_Lib._ + + Posterius istuc dicis quam credo tibi. + + I believe that before you speak a word, sir. + +_Dem._ + + Omnes parentes, Libane, liberis suis + qui mi auscultabunt, facient obsequellam[3] + quippe qui mage amico utantur gnato et benevolo. + atque ego me id facere studeo, volo amari a meis; + + (_with an air of profound moral conviction_) Libanus, + all parents who take my advice will be a bit indulgent to + their children, seeing it makes a son more friendly and + affectionate. Yes, and I am anxious to be so myself. I + wish to be loved by my own flesh and blood; + + volo me patris mei similem, qui causa mea + nauclerico ipse ornatu per fallaciam + quam amabam abduxit ab lenone mulierem; 70 + neque puduit eum id aetatis sycophantias + struere et beneficiis me emere gnatum suom sibi. + eos me decretumst persequi mores patris. + + I wish to model myself on my own father who dressed up as + a shipmaster for my sake and swindled a slave-dealer out + of a girl I was in love with. He felt no shame at going in + for hocus-pocus at his time of life, and buying his son’s + affection, mine, by his kindnesses. These methods of my + father’s I have resolved to follow out myself. + + nam me hodie oravit Argyrippus filius, + uti sibi amanti facerem argenti copiam; + et id ego percupio obsequi gnato meo.[4] (76) + quamquam illum mater arte contenteque habet, (78) + patres ut consueverunt: ego mitto omnia haec. + + Well now, this very day my boy Argyrippus begged me to + supply him with some money, saying he was in love: and I + heartily desire to oblige the dear lad. No matter if his + mother does keep a firm, tight rein on him and play the + ordinary father’s part, none of that for me. + + praesertim quom is me dignum quoi concrederet 80 + habuit, me habere honorem eius ingenio decet; + quom me adiit, ut pudentem gnatum acquomst patrem, + cupio esse amicae quod det argentum suae. + + And seeing he has regarded me as worthy of his confidence, + I have special reason to respect his inclinations. Now that + he has applied to me, as a respectful son should to his + father, I am desirous that he should have some money for + his mistress. + +_Lib._ + + Cupis id quod cupere te nequiquam intellego. + dotalem servom Sauream uxor tua + adduxit, cui plus in manu sit quam tibi. + + You’re desirous of something you’ll desire in vain, sir, + I reckon. Your wife’s brought along Saurea, that dower slave + of hers, to have more power than you. + +_Dem._ + + Argentum accepi, dote imperium vendidi. + nunc verba in pauca conferam quid te velim. + viginti iam usust filio argenti minis: + face id ut paratum iam sit. + + (_bitterly_) Sold myself! Gave up my authority for a dowry! + (_pause_) Now, in a word, here is what I want of you. My son + needs eighty pounds[B] at once: will you see it is procured + at once. + + [Footnote B: It has seemed advisable to use the terms of + the English coinage system throughout this version; the + value of the money metals, however, has shrunk very + considerably since Plautus’s day.] + +_Lib._ + + Unde gentium? 90 + + Where in the world from? + +_Dem._ + + Me defraudato. + + Cheat me out of it. + +_Lib._ + + Maxumas nugas agis: + nudo detrahere vestimenta me iubes. + defraudem te ego? age sis, tu sine pennis vola. + tene ego defraudem, cui ipsi nihil est in manu, + nisi quid tu porro uxorem defraudaveris? + + What awful nonsense you do talk! You’re telling me to strip + the clothes off a naked man. I cheat you out of it? Come, + sir, will you kindly fly without wings! I cheat you out of + it, when you don’t own a thing, unless you’ve played the + same game and cheated your wife out of something? + +_Dem._ + + Qua me, qua uxorem, qua tu servom Sauream + potes, circumduce, aufer; promitto tibi + non offuturum, si id hodie effeceris. + + Well, me, or my wife, or servant Saurea--do your best, + swindle us, rook us, I promise you your interests won’t + suffer, if you accomplish this to-day. + +_Lib._ + + Iubeas una opera me piscari in aere, + venari autem rete iaculo in medio mari.[5] 100 + + You might as well order me to go a-fishing in the air, yes, + and to take my casting net and do some deep sea--hunting. + +_Dem._ + + Tibi optionem sumito Leonidam, + fabricare quidvis, quidvis comminiscere: + perficito, argentum hodie ut habeat filius, + amicae quod det. + + Have Leonida for your adjutant: manufacture something, + devise something--anything: see you get the money to-day + for my son to give his girl. + +_Lib._ + + Quid ais tu, Demaenete? + + Look here. + +_Dem._ + + Quid vis? + + Well? + +_Lib._ + + Si forte in insidias devenero, + tun redimes me, si me hostes interceperint? + + Suppose I happen to fall into an ambuscade, ransom me, will + you, if I’m intercepted by the enemy? + +_Dem._ + + Redimam. + + I will. + +_Lib._ + + Tum tu igitur aliud cura quid lubet. + ego eo ad forum, nisi quid vis. + + (_after a pause, airily_) Well then, in that case you + may dismiss the matter from your mind. I’m off to the forum, + unless you want me further. + +_Dem._ + + Ei, bene ambula. + atque audin etiam? + + Go ahead! A pleasant stroll to you! (_Libanus walks away_) + And I say,--listening still, are you? + +_Lib._ + + Ecce. + + (_pertly, without turning_) Behold me! + +_Dem._ + + Si quid te volam, + ubi eris? + + If I want you for anything, where will you be? + +_Lib._ + + Ubicumque libitum erit animo meo 110 + profecto nemo est quem iam dehinc metuam mihi + ne quid nocere possit, cum tu mihi tua + oratione omnem animum ostendisti tuom + quin te quoque ipsum facio haud magni, si hoc patro. + pergam quo occepi atque ibi consilia exordiar. + + Precisely where it pleases my fancy. (_half aside_) I tell + you what, from now on I won’t be scared of a man alive, for + fear he can do me any harm, after your showing me all the + secrets of your soul. Why, you won’t count for much with me + your own self, either, if I carry this through. (_setting + off again_) I’ll go along to where I was bound and lay my + plans there. + +_Dem._ + + Audin tu? apud Archibulum ego ero argentarium. + + Look here! I shall be at banker Archibulus’s. + +_Lib._ + + Nempe in foro? + + In the forum, you mean? + +_Dem._ + + Ibi, si quid opus fuerit. + + Yes, there,--if anything’s needed. + +_Lib._ + + Meminero. + + (_nonchalantly_) I’ll keep it in mind. + [EXIT _Libanus_ TO FORUM. + +_Dem._ + + Non esse servos peior hoc quisquam potest + nec magis versutus nec quo ab caveas aegrius + eidem homini, si quid recte curatum velis, 120 + mandes: moriri sese misere mavolet, + quam non perfectum reddat quod promiserit. + + A more rascally servant than this of mine can’t be found, or + a wilier one, or one harder to guard against. But he’s just + your man to commit a matter to, if you want it well managed: + he’d prefer to expire in pain and torment rather than fail + to fulfil his promise to the letter. + + nam ego illud argentum tam paratum filio + scio esse quam me hunc scipionem contui. + sed quid ego cesso ire ad forum, quo inceperam? + [6]atque ibi manebo apud argentarium. + + Why, I’m just as confident that that money is in store for + my son as that I’ve got my eyes on this cane here. But I + must be off to the forum, where I was going. Yes, and I’ll + wait there at the banker’s. [EXIT _Demaenetus_. + + + +I. 2. + + Scene 2. + + ENTER _Argyrippus_ PRECIPITATELY FROM HOUSE OF _Cleareta._ + + +_Argyr._ + + Sicine hoc fit? foras aedibus me eici? + promerenti optume hocin preti redditur? + bene merenti mala es, male merenti bona es; + at malo cum tuo, nam iam ex hoc loco 130 + ibo ego ad tres viros vostraque ibi nomina + faxo erunt, capitis te perdam ego et filiam, + perlecebrae, permities, adulescentum exitium. + nam mare haud est mare, vos mare acerrumum; + nam in mari repperi, his elavi bonis. + + (_violently to those within_) So that’s the way, is it? + Thrown out of doors, am I? This is my reward for all the + good turns I’ve done you, eh? Evil for good and good for + evil is your system. But it will be evil for you! I’ll go + direct from here to the police and leave your names with + ’em. I’ll humble you and your daughter! You decoys, you + destroyers, you wreckers of young fellows! Why, the sea’s + no sea: you are--the wildest sea of all! Why at sea I made + my money, here I am cleaned out of it. + + ingrata atque inrita esse omnia intellego + quae dedi et quod bene feci, at posthac tibi + male quod potero facere faciam, meritoque id faciam tuo. + ego pol te redigam eodem unde orta es, ad egestatis terminos, + ego edepol te faciam ut quae sis nunc et quae fueris scias. 140 + + All I’ve given you and all I’ve done for you gets no thanks, + goes for nothing, I find: but after this all I can do + against you I’ll do, and do it with good reason. By the + Lord, I’ll put you down where you came from, the depths of + destitution, I will. By heaven, I’ll make you appreciate + what you are now and what you were. + + quae prius quam istam adii atque amans ego animum meum isti dedi, + sordido vitam oblectabas pane in pannis inopia, + atque ea si erant, magnas habebas omnibus dis gratias; + eadem nunc, cum est melius, me, cuius opera est, ignoras mala, + reddam ego te ex fera fame mansuetem, me specta modo. + + You, who before I courted that girl of yours and offered her + my loving heart, used to regale yourself on coarse bread in + rags and poverty: yes, and gave hearty thanks to Heaven, if + you got your bread and rags. Yet here you are, now that you + are better off, snubbing me that made you so, curse you! + I’ll tame you down, you wild beast, by the famine treatment: + trust me for that. + + nam isti quid succenseam ipsi? nihil est, nihil quicquam meret; + tuo facit iussu, tuo imperio paret: mater tu. eadem era es. + te ego ulciscar, te ego ut digna es perdam atque ut de me meres, + at scelesta viden ut ne id quidem, me dignum esse existumat + quem adeat, quem conloquatur quoique irato supplicet? 150 + + As for that girl of yours, why should I be angry with her? + She’s done nothing, she’s not at all to blame. It is your + dictates she follows, your orders she obeys: you’re mother + and mistress both. You’re the one I’ll have revenge on; + you’re the one I’ll ruin as you deserve, as your behaviour + to me merits. (_pauses and glares at house_) But d’ye see + how the wretch doesn’t even think it worth while to come to + me, talk with me, go on her knees to me, when I’m in a rage? + + atque eccam inlecebra exit tandem; opinor hic ante ostium + meo modo loquar quae volam, quoniam intus non licitum est mihi. + + (_Cleareta’s door opens_) Ah, there she is coming out at + last, the decoy! I wager I’ll have my full say in my own + fashion out in front of the door here, seeing I couldn’t + do it inside. + + +I. 3. + + Scene 3. + + ENTER _Cleareta_ FROM HOUSE. + +_Cle._ + + Unum quodque istorum verbum nummis Philippis aureis + non potest auferre hinc a me si quis emptor venerit; + nec recte quae tu in nos dicis, aurum atque argentum merumst: + fixus hic apud nos est animus tuos clavo Cupidinis. + remigio veloque quantum poteris festina et fuge: + quam magis te in altum capessis, tam aestus te in portum refert. + + (_calmly and pleasantly_) Not a single one of those words + do I part with for golden sovereigns, not if some purchaser + comes along: uncomplimentary remarks about us from you are + good coin of the realm. Your heart is fastened to us here + with one of Cupid’s spikes through it. Out with oar and up + with sail, speed your fastest and scud away: the more you + put out to sea, the more the tide brings you back to harbour. + +_Argyr._ + + Ego pol istum portitorem privabo portorio; + ego te dehinc ut merita es de me et mea re tractare exsequar, 160 + quom tu med ut meritus sum non tractas atque eicis domo. + + (_grimly_) By the Lord, I’ll hold back that harbour master’s + harbour dues; from this time forth you’ll get the treatment + you merit of me and my exchequer, for this unmerited + treatment of me, this turning me out of the house. + +_Cle._ + + Magis istuc percipimus lingua dici, quam factis fore. + + (_lightly_) Such things are easier said than done, I observe. + +_Argyr._ + + Solus solitudine ego ted atque ab egestate abstuli; + solus si ductem, referre gratiam numquam potes. + + I, and I alone, am the man that rescued you from loneliness + and destitution; even if I should take the girl for myself + alone, you’d still be in my debt. + +_Cle._ + + Solus ductato, si semper solus quae poscam dabis; + semper tibi promissum habeto hac lege, dum superes datis. + + Take her for yourself alone, if you alone will always + give me what I demand. You can always be sure of her--on + condition your presents are the biggest. + +_Argyr._ + + Qui modus dandi? nam numquam tu quidem expleri potes; + modo quom accepisti, haud multo post aliquid quod poscas paras. + + And what end to the presents? Why, you can never be sated. + Now you get something, and a minute later you’re devising + some new demand. + +_Cle._ + + Quid modist ductando, amando? numquamne expleri potes? + modo remisisti, continuo iam ut remittam ad te rogas. 170 + + And what end to the taking her, to the lovey-doveying? Can + you never be sated? Now you have sent her back to me, and + the next instant you’re crying for me to send her back to + you. + +_Argyr._ + + Dedi equidem quod mecum egisti. + + Well, I paid you what we agreed on. + +_Cle._ + + Et tibi ego misi mulierem: + par pari datum hostimentumst, opera pro pecunia. + + And I let you have the girl: my policy has been fair give + and take--services rendered for cash. + +_Argyr._ + + Male agis mecum. + + You’re using me shamefully. + +_Cle._ + + Quid me accusas, si facio officium meum? + nam neque fictum usquamst neque pictum neque scriptum in poematis + ubi lena bene agat cum quiquam amante, quae frugi esse volt. + + Why find fault with me for doing my plain duty? Why, nowhere + in stone, paint, or poem is a lady in my line portrayed as + using any lover well--if she wants to get on. + +_Argyr._ + + Mihi quidem te parcere aequomst tandem, ut tibi durem diu. + + (_appealingly_) You really ought to use me sparingly, + though, so that I may last you a long time. + +_Cle._ + + Non tu scis? quae amanti parcet, eadem sibi parcet parum. + quasi piscis, itidemst amator lenae: nequam est, nisi recens; + is habet sucum, is suavitatem, eum quo vis pacto condias + vel patinarium vel assum, verses quo pacto lubet: 180 + is dare volt, is se aliquid posci, nam ibi de pleno promitur; + + (_coolly_) You miss the point? The lady that spares her + lover spares herself too little. Lovers are the same as fish + to us--no good unless they’re fresh. Your fresh ones are + juicy and sweet; you can season them to taste in a stew, + bake them, and turn them every way. Your fresh one wants to + give you things, wants to be asked for something: in his + case it all comes from a full cupboard, you see; + + neque ille scit quid det, quid damni faciat: illi rei studet, + volt placere sese amicae, volt mihi, volt pedisequae, + volt famulis, volt etiam ancillis; et quoque catulo meo + subblanditur novos amator, se ut quom videat gaudeat. + vera dico: ad suom quemque hominem quaestum esse aequomst callidum. + + and he has no idea what he’s giving, what it costs him. + This is his only thought: he wants to please, please his + girl, please me, please the waiting-woman, please the men + servants, please the maid servants, too: yes, the new lover + makes up to my little dog, even, so that he may be glad to + see him. This is the plain truth: every one ought to keep a + sharp eye for the main chance. + +_Argyr._ + + Perdidici istaec esse vera damno cum magno meo. + + I have thoroughly learned the truth of that, and a pretty + penny it’s cost me. + +_Cle._ + + Si ecastor nunc habeas quod des, alia verba praehibeas; + nunc quia nihil habes, maledictis te eam ductare postulas. + + Tut, tut! If you had anything left to give us, your language + would be different; now that you have nothing, you expect to + get her by abuse. + +_Argyr._ + + Non meum est. + + That’s not my way. + +_Cle._ + + Nec meum quidem edepol, ad te ut mittam gratiis. 190 + verum aetatis atque honoris gratia hoc fiet tui, + quia nobis lucro fuisti potius quam decori tibi: + si mihi dantur duo talenta argenti numerata in manum, + hanc tibi noctem honoris causa gratiis dono dabo. + + Nor mine, sir, to let you have her gratis--mercy, no! But, + considering your youth and our high regard for you, this + shall be done, seeing you have been more of an income to us + than a credit to yourself: just hand me over (_casually_) + four hundred pounds in cash and you shall have this evening + with her, in token of said high regard, as a free gift from + me. + +_Argyr._ + + Quid si non est? + + What if I haven’t it? + +_Cle._ + + Tibi non esse credam, illa alio ibit tamen. + + (_smiling, but firm_) I’ll give you credit--that you haven’t + it: the girl shall go to some one else, however. + +_Argyr._ + + Ubi illaec quae dedi ante? + + Where is what I gave you before? + +_Cle._ + + Abusa. nam si ea durarent mihi, + mulier mitteretur ad te, numquam quicquam poscerem. + diem aquam solem lunam noctem, haec argento non emo: + ceterum quae volumus uti Graeca mercamur fide. + + Spent. Why, if it had lasted, you should have your lady, + and not a thing would I be asking for. Daylight, water, + sunlight, moonlight, darkness--for these things I have to + pay no money: everything else we wish to use we purchase on + Greek credit. + + quom a pistore panem petimus, vinum ex oenopolio. 200 + si aes habent, dant mercem: eadem nos discipulina utimur. + semper oculatae manus sunt nostrae, credunt quod vident. + vetus est: “nihili coactiost”--scis cuius. non dico amplius. + + When we go to the baker for bread, to the vintner for + wine, their rule is commodities for cash: we use the same + system ourselves. Our hands have eyes always: seeing is + believing with them. As the old proverb has it: “There’s + no getting”--you know what. I say no more. + +_Argyr._ + + Aliam nunc mi orationem despoliato praedicas, + longe aliam, inquam, praebes nunc atque olim, quom dabam, + aliam atque olim, quom inliciebas me ad te blande ac benedice. + tum mi aedes quoque arridebant, cum ad te veniebam, tuae; + me unice unum ex omnibus te atque illam amare aibas mihi; + + It’s a different sort of eloquence you use on me now I’ve + been fleeced, very different, I say, from that former sort + when I was giving you things, different from that former + sort when you were luring me on with your smooth, suave + talk. Then your very house used to be wreathed in smiles, + when I turned up. You used to say I was the one and only + love in all the world for you and her. + + ubi quid dederam, quasi columbae pulli in ore ambae meo + usque eratis, meo de studio studia erant vostra omnia, 210 + usque adhaerebatis: quod ego iusseram, quod volueram + faciebatis, quod nolebam ac votueram, de industria + fugiebatis, neque conari id facere audebatis prius. + nunc neque quid velim neque nolim facitis magni, pessumae. + + After I’d given you anything the both of you used to keep + hanging on my lips like a pair of young doves. Whatever I + fancied, you fancied, and nothing else. You used to keep + clinging to me. I ordered a thing, wished a thing,--you used + to do it: I disliked a thing, forbade a thing,--you used to + take pains to avoid doing it: you didn’t dare attempt to do + it then. Now you don’t care tuppence what I like, or don’t + like, you vile wretches! + +_Cle._ + + Non tu scis? hic noster quaestus aucupi simillimust. + auceps quando concinnavit aream, offundit cibum; + aves adsuescunt: necesse est facere sumptum qui quaerit lucrum; + saepe edunt: semel si sunt captae, rem solvent aucupi. + itidem his apud nos: aedes nobis area est, auceps sum ego, 219,220 + esca est meretrix, lectus inlex est, amatores aves; + + (_still cheerfully superior_) You miss the point? This + profession of ours is a great deal like bird-catching. The + fowler, when he has his fowling-floor prepared, spreads food + around; the birds become familiarized: you must spend money, + if you wish to make money. They often get a meal: but once + they get caught they recoup the fowler. It is quite the same + with us here: our house is the floor, I am the fowler, the + girl the bait, the couch the decoy, the lovers the birds. + + bene salutando consuescunt, compellando blanditer, + osculando, oratione vinnula, venustula. + si papillam pertractavit, haud est ab re aucupis; + savium si sumpsit, sumere eum licet sine retibus. + haecine te esse oblitum, in ludo qui fuisti tam diu? + + They become familiar through pleasant greetings, pretty + speeches, kisses, cooey, captivating little whispers. If he + cuddles her close in his arms, well, no harm to the fowler. + If he takes a naughty kind of kiss, he can be taken himself, + and no net needed. You to forget all this, and so long in + the school, too? + +_Argyr._ + + Tua ista culpa est, quae discipulum semidoctum abs te amoves. + + It’s your fault, if I have: you expelled your pupil when he + was half taught. + +_Cle._ + + Remeato audacter, mercedem si eris nactus; nunc abi. + + Trot along back to us boldly, if you find the tuition fee: + for the present run away. (_turns to go in_) + +_Argyr._ + + Mane, mane, audi. dic, quid me aequom censes pro illa tibi dare, + annum hunc ne cum quiquam alio sit? + + Wait, wait, listen! Tell me, what do you think I ought to + give you to have her all to myself this next year? + +_Cle._ + + Tene? viginti minas; 230 + atque ea lege: si alius ad me prius attulerit, tu vale. + + (_laughingly_) What? You? (_after a pause_) Eighty pounds: + yes, and on this condition--if some one else brings me the + money before you do, good-bye to you. (_again turning to go_) + + +_Argyr._ + + At ego est etiam prius quam abis quod volo loqui. + + But there’s something more I want to say before you go. + +_Cle._ + + Dic quod lubet. + + Say on, anything. + +_Argyr._ + + Non omnino iam perii, est relicuom quo peream magis. + habeo unde istuc tibi quod poscis dem; sed in leges meas + dabo, uti scire possis, perpetuom annum hunc mihi uti serviat + nec quemquam interea alium admittat prorsus quam me ad se virum. + + I’m not entirely ruined yet: there is a balance left for + further ruin. I can give you what you ask. But I’ll give it + to you on my own terms, and here they are--she’s to be at my + disposal this whole next year through, and all that time not + a single man but me is to come near her. + +_Cle._ + + Quin, si tu voles, domi servi qui sunt castrabo viros. + postremo ut voles nos esse, syngraphum facito adferas; + ut voles, ut tibi lubebit, nobis legem imponito: + modo tecum una argentum adferto, facile patiar cetera. 240 + portitorum simillumae sunt ianuae lenoniae: + si adfers, tum patent, si non est quod des, aedes non patent. + + (_cheerfully ironical_) Why, if you choose, I’ll change + all the men servants in the house to maids. In short, bring + along a contract stating how you wish us to behave. All you + desire, all you like,--impose your own terms on us: only + bring along the money, too; the rest is easy for me. Our + doors are much like those of a custom house: pay your fee, + and they are open: if you can’t, they are--(_going into + house and closing the door in his face with a provoking + laugh_) not open. + +_Argyr._ + + Interii, si non invenio ego illas viginti minas, + et profecto, nisi illud perdo argentum, pereundum est mihi. + nunc pergam ad forum atque experiar opibus, omni copia, + supplicabo, exobsecrabo ut quemque amicum videro, + dignos indignos adire atque experiri certumst mihi,[7] + nam si mutuas non potero, certumst sumam faenore. + + (_drearily_) It’s all over with me, if I don’t get hold of + that eighty pounds: yes, one thing is sure, that money + goes to pot, or else my life must. (_a pause, then with + animation_) I’ll off to the forum this moment and try + to raise it by every means in my power: I’ll entreat, + ex-supplicate every friend I see. Good and bad--I’ll up + and try them all, I’m resolved on that: and if I can’t get + it as a friendly loan, I’m resolved to borrow it at usury. + [EXIT _Argyrippus_. + + + + +ACTVS II + + ACT II + + + (_A couple of hours have elapsed._) + + ENTER _Libanus_ WITH WORRIED AIR. + +_Lib._ + + Hercle vero, Libane, nunc te meliust expergiscier + atque argento comparando fingere fallaciam. 250 + iam diu est factum + quom discesti ab ero atque abiisti ad forum,[8] (251) + ibi tu ad hoc diei tempus dormitasti in otio. (253) + + By gad, Libanus, you’d certainly better rouse yourself now + and contrive some trick for collecting that cash. It’s a + long time since you left your master and hied yourself to + the forum, to loaf and snooze away there till this time + of day. + + quin tu abs te socordiam omnem reice et segnitiem amove + atque ad ingenium vetus versutum te recipis tuom + serva erum, cave tu idem faxis alii quod servi solent, + qui ad eri fraudationem callidum ingenium gerunt. + + Come on, shake off all this dull sloth, away with + sluggishness, yes, and get back that old gift of guile of + yours! Save your master: mind you don’t do the same as other + servants that use their wily wits to gull him. + + unde sumam? quem intervortam? quo hanc celocem conferam? + impetritum, inauguratumst quovis admittunt aves, + picus et cornix ab laeva, corvos parra ab dextera 260 + consuadent; certum herclest vostram consequi sententiam. + + (_pause_) Where shall I get it? Who shall I swindle? + Where shall I steer this cutter? (_looking upwards, then + jubilantly_) I’ve got my auspices, my auguries: the birds + let me steer it where I please! Woodpecker and crow on the + left, raven and barn owl on the right. “Go ahead,” they + say! By Jove, I’ll follow your advice, I certainly will. + + sed quid hoc, quod picus ulmum tundit? non temerariumst. + certe hercle ego quantum ex augurio eius pici intellego, + aut mihi in mundo sunt virgae aut atriensi Saureae + sed quid illuc quod exanimatus currit huc Leonida? + metuo quom illic obscaevavit meae falsae fallaciae. + + (_looking upward again_) What’s this, though,--the + woodpecker tapping an elm?[C] That’s not for nothing! + Lord! So far as I understand the omen of this woodpecker, + that certainly means there are rods in pickle for me, or for + steward Saurea. (_looking down street_) But what’s wrong-- + Leonida running up here all out of breath? I’m afraid now + that the bird there has predicted trouble for my artful + arts. + + [Footnote C: The elm corresponded to our birch in being + used for corporal punishment.] + + +II. 2. + + Scene 2. + + ENTER _Leonida_ IN GREAT EXCITEMENT, WITHOUT SEEING + _Libanus._ + + +_Leon._ + + Ubi ego nunc Libanum requiram aut familiarem filium, + ut ego illos lubentiores faciam quam Lubentiast? + maximam praedam et triumphum eis adfero adventu meo + quando mecum pariter potant, pariter scortari solent, 270 + hanc quidem, quam nactus, praedam pariter cum illis partiam. + + Where shall I look for Libanus now, or young master, so that + I can make them more delighted than Delight herself? Oh, the + mighty prize and triumph my coming confers on ’em! Seeing + they guzzle along with me, and chase the girls along with + me, I’ll certainly go shares in this prize I’ve got along + with them. + +_Lib._ + + Illic homo aedis compilavit, more si fecit suo. + vae illi, qui tam indiligenter observavit ianuam. + + (_aside_) The fellow’s been robbing a house if he’s acted + naturally. Lord help the poor devil that minded the door so + carelessly! + +_Leon._ + + Aetatem velim servire, Libanum ut conveniam modo. + + I’d be willing to slave it all my life, only let me meet + Libanus. + +_Lib._ + + Mea quidem hercle opera liber numquam fies ocius. + + (_aside_) By Jove, you’ll never be free a minute sooner for + any help you get from me. + +_Leon._ + + Etiam de tergo ducentas plagas praegnatis dabo. + + I’ll even give two hundred swollen welts from off my back to + see him. + +_Lib._ + + Largitur peculium, omnem in tergo thensaurum gerit. + + (_aside_) He’s generous with what he has: carries all his + coffers on his back. + +_Leon._ + + Nam si huic sese occasioni tempus supterduxerit, + numquam edepol quadrigis albis indipiscet postea; + erum in obsidione linquet, inimicum animos auxerit. 280 + sed si mecum occasionem opprimere hanc, quae obvenit, studet, + maximas opimitates, gaudio exfertissimas + suis eris ille una mecum pariet, gnatoque et patri, + adeo ut aetatem ambo ambobus nobis sint obnoxii, + nostro devincti beneficio. + + For if this chance is let slide, he’ll never catch it again, + by Jove, not with a chariot and four, white[D] horses. He’ll + be leaving his master under siege and increasing the courage + of his enemies. But if he’s ready to take part with me and + pounce on this opportunity that’s turned up, he’ll be my + partner in hatching the biggest, joy-stuffedest jubilee that + ever was for his masters, son and father both, yes, and put + the pair of ’em under obligations to the pair of us for + life, too, chained tight by our services. + + [Footnote D: White horses were supposed to be the fastest.] + +_Lib._ + + Vinctos nescio quos ait; + non placet: metuo, in commune ne quam fraudem frausus sit. + + (_aside_) Chained, he says: some one or other chained! + I don’t like it. I’m afraid he’s been trumping up some + trumpery that’ll involve the both of us. + +_Leon._ + + Perii ego oppido, nisi Libanum invenio iam, ubiubi est gentium. + + (_quivering with excitement_) I’m absolutely done for, if I + don’t find Libanus at once, wherever he is. + +_Lib._ + + Illic homo socium ad malam rem quaerit quem adiungat sibi. + non placet: pro monstro extemplo est, quando qui sudat tremit. + + That chap’s after a mate to yoke with in a race for a + thrashing. I don’t like it! it means something bad soon, + when a man in a sweat shivers. + +_Leon._ + + Sed quid ego his properans concesso pedibus. lingua largior? 290 + quin ego hanc iubeo tacere, quae loquens lacerat diem? + + But why am I holding in my feet and letting out my tongue, + and I in such a hurry? Why don’t I tell it to shut up, with + its wagging the day to shreds? + +_Lib._ + + Edepol hominem infelicem, qui patronam conprimat. + nam si quid sceleste fecit, lingua pro illo perierat. + + (_aside_) Good Lord! Poor devil--choking off his patroness! + Why, once he’s been up to some rascality, it’s that same + tongue perjures herself for him. + +_Leon._ + + Adproperabo, ne post tempus praedae praesidium parem. + + I’ll cut along, so as not to procure protection for the + prize when it’s too late. (_moves away_) + +_Lib._ + + Quae illaec praeda est? ibo advorsum atque electabo, quidquid est. + iubeo te salvere voce summa, quo ad vires valent. + + What’s that prize? I’ll up and worm it out of him, whatever + it is. (_aloud_) Good day to you--(_raising his voice, + Leonida having paid no attention_) as loud a one as my lungs + allow! + +_Leon._ + + Gymnasium flagri, salveto. + + Ah there, (_turning and stopping_) you whip developer! + +_Lib._ + + Quid agis, custos carceris? + + How goes it, gaol guard? + +_Leon._ + + O catenarum colone. + + Oh you fetter farmer. + +_Lib._ + + O virgarum lascivia. + + Oh you rod tickler! + +_Leon._ + + Quot pondo ted esse censes nudum? + + How much do you think you weigh, stripped? + +_Lib._ + + Non edepol scio. + + Lord! I don’t know. + +_Leon._ + + Scibam ego te nescire, at pol ego, qui ted expendi, scio: 300 + nudus vinctus centum pondo es, quando pendes per pedes. + + I knew you didn’t know: but by the Lord, I know for I’ve + weighed you. Stripped and tied you weigh a hundred pounds-- + when you’re hanging by your heels. + +_Lib._ + + Quo argumento istuc? + + What’s your proof of that? + +_Leon._ + + Ego dicam, quo argumento et quo modo. + ad pedes quando adligatumst aequom centumpondium, + ubi manus manicae complexae sunt atque adductae ad trabem, + nec dependes nec propendes--quin malus nequamque sis. + + I’ll tell you my proof and my method. When a fair hundred- + weight is fastened to your feet, with the handcuffs hugging + your hands lashed to a beam, you’re not a bit under or over + the weight of--a good-for-nothing rascal. + +_Lib._ + + Vae tibi. + + You be damned! + +_Leon._ + + Hoc testamento Servitus legat tibi. + + Precisely what you are down for yourself in Slavery’s will. + +_Lib._ + + Verbivelitationem fieri compendi volo. + quid istud est negoti? + + Let’s cut short this war of words. What’s that business of + yours? + +_Leon._ + + Certum est credere, + + I’ve determined to trust you. + +_Lib._ + + Audacter licet. + + You can--boldly. + +_Leon._ + + Sis amanti subvenire familiari filio, + tantum adest boni inproviso, verum commixtum malo: 310 + omnes de nobis carnificum concelebrabuntur dies. + Libane, nunc audacia usust nobis inventa et dolis. + tantum facinus modo inveni ego, ut nos dicamur duo + omnium dignissumi esse, quo cruciatus confluant, + + If you’ve got a mind to help the young master in his love + affair, there’s such an unexpected supply of good + luck come to hand--mixed with bad, though--that the public + torturers will have a regular festival at our expense every + day. Libanus, now we need grit and guile. I’ve just now come + upon such a deed for us to do, that we two will be called + the worthiest men alive--to be where the torture’s thickest. + +_Lib._ + + Ergo mirabar quod dudum scapulae gestibant mihi, + hariolari quae occeperunt, sibi esse in mundo malum. + quidquid est, eloquere. + + (_dryly_) Aha! I was wondering what made my shoulders + tingle a while ago: they began prognosticating trouble was + in pickle for ’em. Whatever it is, out with it! + +_Leon._ + + Magna est praeda cum magno malo. + + It’s a big prize and a big risk. + +_Lib._ + + Si quidem omnes coniurati cruciamenta conferant, + habeo opinor familiare tergum, ne quaeram foris. + + No matter if they all combine to pile the torments on, + I fancy I’ve got a back of my own, without having to look + for one outside. + +_Leon._ + + Si istam firmitudinem animi optines, salvi sumus. 320 + + That’s the spirit, hold to it and we’re safe. + +_Lib._ + + Quin si tergo res solvenda est, rapere cupio publicum: + pernegabo atque obdurabo, periurabo denique. + + Pooh! if it’s my back that is to pay the score, I’m ripe + for sacking the Treasury: then I’ll say up and down I + didn’t, stick to it I didn’t, yes, yes, take my solemn + oath I didn’t. + +_Leon._ + + Em ista virtus est, quando usust qui malum fert fortiter; + fortiter malum qui patitur, idem post potitur bonum. + + There! That’s courage--to take hard knocks like a man when + occasion calls. The chap that endures hard knocks like a man + enjoys a soft time later on. + +_Lib._ + + Quin rem actutum edisseris? cupio malum nanciscier. + + Why don’t you hurry up and unfold your tale? I long for some + hard knocks. + +_Leon._ + + Placide ergo unum quidquid rogita, ut adquiescam. non vides + me ex cursura anhelitum etiam ducere? + + Easy then with each question, so that I can get a rest. + Don’t you see I’m still puffing after that run of mine? + +_Lib._ + + Age, age, mansero + tuo arbitratu, vel adeo usque dum peris. + + All right, all right, I’ll wait till you’re ready, yes, + ready to expire, for that matter. + +_Leon._ + + Ubinam est erus? + + (_after a pause_) Where the deuce is master? + +_Lib._ + + Maior apud forumst, minor hic est intus. + + Old one’s at the forum, young one’s inside here. (_pointing + to Clearetas house_) + +_Leon._ + + Iam satis est mihi. + + That’ll do! I’m satisfied. + +_Lib._ + + Tum igitur tu dives es factus? + + Satisfied? So you’re a millionaire already, are you? + +_Leon._ + + Mitte ridicularia. 330 + + Don’t try to be funny. + +_Lib._ + + Mitto.[9] istuc quod adfers aures exspectant meae. + + I won’t. (_grandly_) My ears await your tidings. + +_Leon._ + + Animum adverte, ut aeque mecum haec scias. + + Listen here, and you’ll know about things as well as I do. + +_Lib._ + + Taceo. + + I’m dumb. + +_Leon._ + + Beas. + meministin asinos Arcadicos mercatori Pellaeo + nostrum vendere atriensem? + + (_ironically_) Oh, bliss! Do you remember those Arcadian + asses our steward sold to the merchant from Pella? + +_Lib._ + + Memini. quid tum postea? + + I do. Well, what next? + +_Leon._ + + Em ergo is argentum huc remisit, quod daretur Saureae + pro asinis. adulescens venit modo, qui id argentum attulit. + + Now then! He’s sent the money for ’em, to be paid to Saurea. + A young chap’s just arrived with it. + +_Lib._ + + Ubi is homost? + + (_with a start_) Where is he? + +_Leon._ + + Iam devorandum censes, si conspexeris? + + Think he ought to be swallowed down the minute you spy him, + eh? + +_Lib._ + + Ita enim vero. sed tamen, tu nempe eos asinos praedicas + vetulos, claudos, quibus subtritae ad femina iam erant ungulae? 340 + + Aye, that I do! But let me see, of course you mean those + poor old lame asses with their hoofs worn away up to their + hocks? + +_Leon._ + + Ipsos, qui tibi subvectabant rure hue virgas ulmeas. + + Precisely! the ones that used to come down from the farm + with loads of elm rods for you. + +_Lib._ + + Teneo, atque idem te hinc vexerunt vinctum rus. + + I have you: yes, the same ones that carried you off to the + farm in fetters. + +_Lib._ + + Memor es probe, + verum in tonstrina ut sedebam, me infit percontarier, + ecquem filium Stratonis noverim Demaenetum. + dico me novisse extemplo et me eius servom praedico + esse, et aedis demonstravi nostras. + + Remarkable memory, yours! However, when I was in the + barber’s chair he speaks up and asks me if I know a + Demaenetus, the son of Strato. I say yes at once, and + declare that I’m his servant, and I told him where our + house was. + +_Lib._ + + Quid tum postea? + + Well, what next? + +_Leon._ + + Ait se ob asinos ferre argentum atriensi Saureae, + viginti minas, sed eum sese non nosse hominem qui siet, + ipsum vero se novisse callide Demaenetum. + quoniam ille elocutus haec sic-- + + He says he’s bringing money for the asses to steward Saurea, + eighty pounds; but that he doesn’t know the man at all: says + he knows Demaenetus himself well, though. After he had given + me an account of things this way-- + +_Lib._ + + Quid tum? + + What next? + +_Leon._ + + Ausculta ergo, scies. 350 + extemplo facio facetum me atque magnificum virum, + dico med esse atriensem. sic hoc respondit mihi: + “ego pol Sauream non novi neque qua facie sit scio. + te non aequomst suscensere. si erum vis Demaenetum, + quem ego novi, adduce: argentum non morabor quin feras.” + + Well, listen and you’ll find out. Instantly I pose as a + fine, superior sort of creature and tell him I am the + steward. Here’s the way he answered me: “Well, well,” says + he, “I am not acquainted with Saurea personally and I don’t + know what he looks like. You have no reason to take offence. + Bring along your master Demaenetus whom I do know, if you + please: I’ll let you have the money without delay.” + + ego me dixi erum adducturum et me domi praesto fore; + ille in balineas iturust, inde huc veniet postea. + quid nunc consili captandum censes? dic. + + I told him I would bring my master and be at home waiting + for him. He’s going to the baths: then he’ll be here later. + What do you propose now for a plan of campaign? Tell me. + +_Lib._ + + Em istuc ago, + quo modo argento intervortam et adventorem et Sauream. + iam hoc opus est exasciato[10]; nam si ille argentum prius 360 + hospes huc affert, continuo nos ambo exclusi sumus. + nam me hodie senex seduxit solum sorsum ab aedibus, + mihi tibique interminatust nos futuros ulmeos, + ni hodie Argyrippo essent viginti argenti minae; + + (_thinking_) That’s the point! Just what I’m casting about + for--some way to relieve newcomer and Saurea of the cash. + We must have our scheme roughed out at once; for let that + stranger fetch his money before we’re ready and the next + minute we’re both shut out of it. You see, the old man took + me aside out of the house to-day all by myself: swore he’d + made the pair of us perfectly elmy, if eighty pounds was not + forthcoming for Argyrippus this very day. + + iussit vel nos atriensem vel nos uxorem suam + defraudare, dixit sese operam promiscam dare. + nunc tu abi ad forum ad erum et narra haec ut nos acturi sumus: + te ex Leonida futurum esse atriensem Sauream, + dum argentum afferat mercator pro asinis. + + He gave us orders to do the steward out of it, or else his + wife: said he’d stand by us whichever it was. Now you be off + to the forum to master and tell him what our game will be: + that you are going to change from Leonida to steward Saurea + when the trader brings the money for the asses. + +_Leon._ + + Faciam ut iubes. + + I’ll do as you say. (_moves off_) + +_Lib._ + + Ego illum interea hic oblectabo, prius si forte advenerit. 370 + + I’ll entertain him here myself meanwhile, if he happens to + come before you do. + +_Leon._ + + Quid ais? + + (_halting_) I say. + +_Lib._ + + Quid vis? + + What do you want? + +_Leon._ + + Pugno malam si tibi percussero, + mox cum Sauream imitabor, caveto ne suscenseas. + + (_gravely_) In case I punch your jaw for you later on when + I’m imitating Saurea, take care you don’t get angry. + +_Lib._ + + Hercle vero tu cavebis ne me attingas, si sapis, + ne hodie malo cum auspicio nomen commutaveris. + + By gad, you’d just better take care yourself not to touch + me, if you know what’s what, or you’ll find you’ve picked + an unlucky day for changing your name. + +_Leon._ + + Quaeso, aequo animo patitor. + + Come, come, put up with it patiently. + +_Lib._ + + Patitor tu item, cum ego te referiam. + + Yes, and you put up with it when I hit you back. + +_Leon._ + + Dico ut usust fieri. + + I’m telling how it’s got to be done. + +_Lib._ + + Dico hercle ego quoque ut facturus sum. + + And by the Lord, I’m telling how I’m going to do it. + +_Leon._ + + Ne nega. + + Don’t refuse. + +_Lib._ + + Quin promitto, inquam, hostire contra ut merueris. + + Oh, I agree, I agree--to pay you back all you earn. + +_Leon._ + + Ego abeo, tu iam, scio, patiere. sed quis hic est? is est, + ille est ipsus. iam ego recurro huc. tu hunc interea his tene. + volo seni narrare. + + (_turning to go_) I’m off: you’ll put up with it now, I know + you will. (_looking down street_) Hullo! Who’s this! It’s + he, the very man! I’ll hurry back here soon! You keep him + here while I’m gone. I must tell the old man. (_stops to + look again_) + +_Lib._ + + Quin tuom officium facis ergo ac fugis? 380 + + (_sneeringly_) Why don’t you play your part then, and--run + away? [EXIT _Leonida_. + + + +II. 3. + + Scene 3. + + ENTER _Trader_, WITH SERVANT. + +_Merc._ + _Trader_ + + Ut demonstratae sunt mihi, hasce aedis esse oportet, + Demaenetus ubi dicitur habitare. i, puere, pulta + atque atriensem Sauream, si est intus, evocato huc. + + (_looking at house of Demaenetus_) According to directions, + this must be the house where they say Demaenetus lives. (_to + servant_) Go knock, my lad, and if steward Saurea is in + there, call him out. (_servant goes toward house_) + +_Lib._ + + Quis nostras sic frangit fores? ohe, inquam, si quid audis. + + (_stepping forward_) Who’s that battering our door so? + Whoa there, I say--if you’re not deaf! + +_Merc._ + _Trader_ + + Nemo etiam tetigit. sanun es? + + No one has touched it yet. Are you in your senses? + +_Lib._ + + At censebam attigisse + propterea, huc quia habebas iter. nolo ego fores conservas + meas a te verberarier. sane ego sum amicus nostris. + + Well, I was thinking you had touched it, seeing you were + making this way. I don’t want you to beat that door--it’s a + fellow servant of mine. I tell you what, I love my fellow + servants. + +_Merc._ + _Trader_ + + Pol haud periclum est, cardines ne foribus effringantur, + si istoc exemplo omnibus qui quaerunt respondebis. + + Gad! No danger of the door being battered off its hinges, + if you answer all callers in that style. + +_Lib._ + + Ita haec morata est ianua: extemplo ianitorem 390 + clamat, procul si quem videt ire ad se calcitronem. + sed quid venis? quid quaeritas? + + Here’s the way this door has been trained: once it sights + some bully in the distance coming towards it, it bawls for + the porter directly. But what’s your business? What are you + after? + +_Merc._ + _Trader_ + + Demaenetum volebam. + + I wished to see Demaenetus. + +_Lib._ + + Si sit domi, dicam tibi. + + If he was at home, I’d tell you. + +_Merc._ + _Trader_ + + Quid eius atriensis? + + What about his steward? + +_Lib._ + + Nihilo mage intus est. + + No, he’s not in, either. + +_Merc._ + _Trader_ + + Ubi est? + + Where is he? + +_Lib._ + + Ad tonsorem ire dixit. + + Said he was going to the barber’s. + +_Merc._ + _Trader_ + + Conveni. sed post non redit? + + I met him. But he has not been back since? + +_Lib._ + + Non edepol. quid volebas? + + Lord, no! What did you want? + +_Merc._ + _Trader_ + + Argenti viginti minas, si adesset, accepisset. + + He would have got eighty pounds, if he was here. + +_Lib._ + + Qui pro istuc? + + What for? + +_Merc._ + _Trader_ + + Asinos vendidit Pellaeo mercatori + mercatu. + + He sold some asses at the market to a trader from Pella. + +_Lib._ + + Scio. tu id nunc refers? iam hic credo eum adfuturum. + + I know. Bringing the cash now, are you? He’ll be here soon, + I fancy. + +_Merc._ + _Trader_ + + Qua facie voster Saurea est? si is est, iam scire potero. + + What does your Saurea look like? (_aside_) Now I can find + out if that fellow is my man. + +_Lib._ + + Macilentis malis, rufulus aliquantum, ventriosus, + truculentis oculis, commoda statura, tristi fronte. 400 + + (_reflectively_) Lantern-jawed--reddish hair--pot-bellied-- + savage eyes--average height--and a scowl. + +_Merc._ + _Trader_ + + Non potuit pictor rectius describere eius formam. + + (_aside_) No painter could give me a more living likeness of + that fellow. + +_Lib._ + + Atque hercle ipsum adeo contuor, quassanti capite incedit. + quisque obviam huic occesserit irato, vapulabit. + + (_looking down street_) Yes, and what’s more, he’s in sight + himself, by gad,--swaggering along and shaking his head! + Anyone that crosses his path when he’s angry gets thrashed. + +_Merc._ + _Trader_ + + Siquidem hercle Aeacidinis minis animisque expletus incedit, + si med iratus tetigerit, iratus vapulabit. + + Good Lord! No matter if he swaggers along as full of fire + and fury as Achilles--if your angry man lays a hand on me, + it’s your angry man gets thrashed. + + +II. 4. + + Scene 4. + + ENTER _Leonida_, APPARENTLY IN A RAGE. + +_Leon._ + + Quid hoc sit negoti, neminem meum dictum magni facere? + Libanum in tonstrinam ut iusseram venire, is nullus venit. + ne ille edepol tergo et cruribus consuluit haud decore. + + What does this mean? Does no one mind what I say? I told + Libanus to come to the barber’s shop, and he never came at + all. By the Lord, he hasn’t given due thought to the welfare + of his hide and shanks, that’s a fact! + +_Merc._ + _Trader_ + + Nimis imperiosust. + + (_aside_) A precious domineering chap! + +_Lib._ + + Vae mihi. + + (_affecting terror_) Oh, I’m in for it! + +_Leon._ + + Hodie salvere iussi 410 + Libanum libertum? iam manu emissu’s? + + (_to Libanus ironically_) Ah, greetings to Libanus the + freedman, is it, to-day? Have you been manumitted now? + (_advancing_) + +_Lib._ + + Obsecro te. + + (_cowering_) Please, please, sir! + +_Leon._ + + Ne tu hercle cum magno malo mihi obviam occessisti. + cur non venisti, ut iusseram, in tonstrinam? + + By heaven, I’ll certainly give you good reason to regret + crossing my path. Why didn’t you come to the barber’s, as + I ordered? + +_Lib._ + + Hic me moratust. + + (_pointing to trader_) This gentleman delayed me. + +_Leon._ + + Siquidem hercle nunc summum Iovem te dicas detinuisse + atque is precator adsiet, malam rem effugies numquam. + tu, verbero, imperium meum contempsisti? + + (_without looking at trader_) Damme! You can go on and say + Jove Almighty detained you, yes, and he can come here and + plead your case, but you shall never escape a flogging. You + scorned my authority, you whipping post? + +_Lib._ + + Perii, hospes. + + (_running behind trader_) Oh kind stranger, I’m a dead man! + +_Merc._ + _Trader_ + + Quaeso hercle noli, Saurea, mea causa hunc verberare. + + By Jove, Saurea! Now, now, don’t flog him, for my sake! + +_Leon._ + + Utinam nunc stimulus in manu mihi sit. + + (_paying no attention_) Oh, if I could only get hold of an + ox goad now! + +_Merc._ + _Trader_ + + Quiesce quaeso. + + Now, now, calm down. + +_Leon._ + + Qui latera conteram tua, quae occalluere plagis. + abscede ac sine me hunc perdere, qui semper me ira incendit, 420 + cui numquam unam rem me licet semel praecipere furi, + quin centiens eadem imperem atque ogganniam, itaque iam hercle + clamore ac stomacho non queo labori suppeditare. + + So as to stave in those ribs of yours that have grown + callous to blows! (_to trader_) Out of my way, and let + me murder the rascal that always sets me afire with + rage, that never lets one order from me suffice for one job, + the criminal, but keeps me commanding and growling the same + thing a hundred times over. Good Lord, it’s come to the + point where I can’t stand the work, what with yelling and + storming at him! + + iussin, sceleste, ab ianua hoc stercus hinc auferri? + iussin columnis deici operas araneorum? + iussin in splendorem dari bullas has foribus nostris? + + Didn’t I tell you to carry off this dung from the doorway, + you villain? Didn’t I tell you to clean the spiders’ webs + off the columns? Didn’t I tell you to rub these door knobs + till they shone? + + nihil est: tamquam si claudus sim, cum fustist ambulandum. + quia triduom hoc unum modo foro operam adsiduam dedo, + dum reperiam qui quaeritet argentum in faenus, hic vos + dormitis interea domi, atque erus in hara, haud aedibus habitat, 430 + em ergo hoc tibi. + + It’s no good: anyone would think I was lame, the way I have + to travel around after you with a cane. Because I’ve been + constantly busy at the forum just for the last three days, + trying to find some one to place a loan with, here you’ve + been drowsing all the time at home, and your master living + in a pig-pen, not a house. There now, take that! (_strikes + him_) + +_Lib._ + + Hospes, te obsecro, defende. + + Kind stranger! For heaven’s sake protect me! + +_Merc._ + _Trader_ + + Saurea, oro, + mea causa ut mittas. + + Come, Saurea, do let him off for my sake. + +_Leon._ + + Eho, ecquis pro vectura olivi + rem solvit? + + (_to Libanus_) Hey, you! Did anyone pay for the shipping of + that oil? + +_Lib._ + + Solvit. + + Yes, sir. + +_Leon._ + + Cui datumst? + + Who to? + +_Lib._ + + Sticho vicario ipsi + tuo. + + To Stichus himself, sir, your own deputy. + +_Leon._ + + Vah, delenire apparas, scio mihi vicarium esse, + neque eo esse servom in aedibus eri qui sit pluris quam illest. + sed vina quae heri vendidi vinario Exaerambo, + iam pro eis satis fecit Sticho? + + Hm-m! trying to smooth me down! To be sure I have a deputy, + and there’s not a slave in the master’s house that is a more + valuable man than that deputy, either. But how about the + wine I sold to Exaerambus the vintner yesterday--has he + settled with Stichus for it yet? + +_Lib._ + + Fecisse satis opinor, + nam vidi huc ipsum adducere trapezitam Exaerambum. + + I reckon he has, sir: for I saw Exaerambus bringing the + banker here himself. + +_Leon._ + + Sic dedero. prius quae credidi vix anno post exegi; + nunc satagit: adducit domum etiam ultro et scribit nummos. + Dromo mercedem rettulit? 440 + + That’s the style for me! Last time I trusted him I barely + got the money out of him a year afterwards. Now he pays his + bills: even brings his banker over to the house besides, and + writes his cheque. Has Dromo brought home his wages? + +_Lib._ + + Dimidio minus opinor. + + Only half, I think. + +_Leon._ + + Quid relicuom? + + And the rest? + +_Lib._ + + Aibat reddere quom extemplo redditum esset; + nam retineri, ut quod sit sibi operis locatum efficeret. + + He said he’d give it to you as soon as it was given to him; + claimed it was kept back so that he’d finish up a job that + was placed with him. + +_Leon._ + + Scyphos quos utendos dedi Philodamo, rettulitne? + + Those cups that I lent Philodamus--has he returned ’em? + +_Lib._ + + Non etiam. + + Not yet. + +_Leon._ + + Hem non? si velis, da,[11] commoda homini amico. + + Hey? No? (_sourly_) Give things away, if you like,--give ’em + to a friend on loan. + +_Merc._ + _Trader_ + + Perii hercle, iam his me abegerit suo odio. + + (_half aside, wearily_) Oh, the devil! The fellow will be + driving me off before long with his confounded talk. + +_Lib._ + + Heus iam satis tu. + audin quae loquitur? + + (_aside to Leonida_) Hi, you! That’s enough now! D’ye hear + what he says? + +_Leon._ + + Audio et quiesco. + + (_aside to Libanus_) I hear; I’ll calm down. + +_Merc._ + _Trader_ + + Tandem, opinor, + conticuit. nunc adeam optimum est, prius quam incipit tinnire. + quam mox mi operam das? + + (_aside_) Silent at last, I do believe. Best approach + him now before he begins to rattle on again. (_aloud to + Leonida_) How soon can you give me your attention? + +_Leon._ + + Ehem, optume. quam dudum tu advenisti? + non hercle te provideram--quaeso ne vitio vortas-- 450 + ita iracundia obstitit oculis. + + (_looking at him and affecting surprise_) Aha! Splendid! How + long have you been here? Well, well, I hadn’t noticed you + before! I trust you won’t feel offended. I was so angry that + it affected my eyesight. + +_Merc._ + _Trader_ + + Non mirum factum est. + sed si domi est, Demaenetum volebam. + + Nothing strange in that. But I wished to see Demaenetus, + if he is at home. + +_Leon._ + + Negat esse intus. + verum istuc argentum tamen mihi si vis denumerare, + repromittam istoc nomine solutam rem futuram. + + He (_indicating Libanus_) says he’s not in. But as to that + money, though,--count it out to me, if you like, and then + I’ll engage that your account with us is settled. + +_Merc._ + _Trader_ + + Sic potius, ut Demaeneto tibi ero praesente reddam. + + I should prefer to make the payment in the presence of your + master Demaenetus. + +_Lib._ + + Erus istunc novit atque erum hic. + + (_protestingly_) Oh, master knows him and he knows + master. + +_Merc._ + _Trader_ + + Ero huic praesente reddam. + + (_firmly_) I shall pay him in his master’s presence. + +_Lib._ + + Da modo meo periculo, rem salvam ego exhibebo; + nam si sciat noster senex fidem non esse huic habitam, + suscenseat, quoi omnium rerum ipsus semper credit. + + Oh now, give it to him, at my risk: I’ll make it all right. + Why, if our old man knew Saurea here was doubted, he’d be + furious: he always trusts him with everything himself. + +_Leon._ + + Non magni pendo. ne duit, si non volt, sic sine astet. 460 + + (_very superior_) It’s of no importance. He can keep it, if + he wants. Let him stand by with it there. + +_Lib._ + + Da, inquam. vah, formido miser, ne hic me tibi arbitretur + suasisse, sibi ne crederes. da, quaeso, ac ne formida: + salvom hercle erit. + + (_aside to trader_) I say, do give it to him. Oh dear, this + is awful! I’m afraid he’ll think I persuaded you not to + trust him. Give it to him, for mercy’s sake, and don’t be + afraid. Good Lord, it’ll be all right! + +_Merc._ + _Trader_ + + Credam fore, dum quidem ipse in manu habebo. + peregrinus ego sum, Sauream non novi. + + I trust it will be, so long as I keep hold of it myself, + anyway. I am a stranger here: I don’t know Saurea. + +_Lib._ + + At nosce sane. + + (_pointing to Leonida_) Well, just make his + acquaintance, then. + +_Merc._ + _Trader_ + + Sit, non sit, non edepol scio. si is est, eum esse oportet. + ego certe me incerto scio hoc daturum nemini homini. + + Whether he is the man or not, I don’t know, by gad. If he + is, he is, of course. I certainly do know that when I am + uncertain I give this (_showing a wallet_) to nobody + on earth. + +_Leon._ + + Hercle istum di omnes perduint. verbo cave supplicassis. + ferox est viginti minas meas tractare sese. + nemo accipit aufer te domum, abscede hinc, molestus ne sis. + + Be damned to the fellow! (_to Libanus_) Not a word of + entreaty, you! He’s puffed up at having the handling of my + eighty pounds. (_to trader_) No one will take it! Home + with you! Away with you! Don’t bother me! + +_Merc._ + _Trader_ + + Nimis iracunde. non decet superbum esse hominem servom. 470 + + (_scoffingly_) Quite in a pet! The idea of a mere slave + being arrogant! + +_Leon._ + + Malo hercle iam magno tuo, ni isti nec recte dicis. + + (_to Libanus_) By heaven, you’ll soon pay dear for it, if + you don’t abuse him! + +_Lib._ + + Impure, nihili. non vides irasci? + + (_loudly to trader_) You dirty thing, you, you good for + nothing! (_in lower tone_) Don’t you see he’s angry? + +_Leon._ + + Perge porro. + + (_to Libanus_) Go on, get at him! + +_Lib._ + + Flagitum hominis. da, obsecro, argentum huic, ne male loquatur. + + (_loudly_) You scandal of a man! (_in lower tone_) Do give + him the money, for heaven’s sake, so that he won’t call you + bad names. + +_Merc._ + _Trader_ + + Malum hercle vobis quaeritis. + + Gad! It’s a bad time you two are looking for. + +_Leon._ + + Crura hercle diffringentur, + ni istum impudicum percies. + + (_to Libanus_) By the Lord, your legs shall be broken to + splinters, if you don’t give that shameless rascal a blowing + up. + +_Lib._ + + Perii hercle. age impudice, + sceleste, non audes mihi scelesto subvenire? + + (_to trader in low tone_) Oh Lord! I’m in for it! (_loudly_) + Come, you shameless rascal, you wretch, won’t you help me, + poor wretch that I am? + +_Leon._ + + Pergin precari pessimo? + + (_to Libanus_) Continuing to coax that criminal, are you? + +_Merc._ + _Trader_ + + Quae res? tun libero homini + male servos loquere? + + (_getting indignant_) How is this? You dare to abuse a free + man, you, you slave? + +_Leon._ + + Vapula. + + You be thrashed! + +_Merc._ + _Trader_ + + Id quidem tibi hercle fiet, + ut vapules, Demaenetum simulac conspexero hodie.[12] 479 + + Be thrashed? Precisely what will be done to you, by gad, the + moment I set eyes on Demaenetus to-day! + +_Leon._ + + Quid, verbero? ain tu, furcifer? erum nos fugitare censes? 484-485 + ei nunciam ad erum, quo vocas, iam dudum quo volebas. + + What, you whipping post? So, you gallows-bird? D’ye think we + skulk from our master? On with you straight to the master + you summon us to, the master you’ve wanted to see this long + time past. (_goes toward forum_) + +_Merc._ + _Trader_ + + Nunc demum? tamen numquam hinc feres argenti nummum, nisi me + dare iusserit Demaenetus. + + At last, eh? But never a penny do you get from me, unless I + am instructed to give it to you by Demaenetus. + +_Leon._ + + Ita facito, age ambula ergo. + tu contumeliam alteri facias, tibi non dicatur? + tam ego homo sum quam tu. + + All right, all right! Come, step along, then! Do you want to + insult another man and not get it back? I’m as much of a man + as you are! + +_Merc._ + _Trader_ + + Scilicet. ita res est. + + No doubt. Quite so. + +_Leon._ + + Sequere hac ergo 490 + praefiscini hoc nunc dixerim: nemo etiam me accusavit + merito meo, neque me alter est Athenis hodie quisquam, + cui credi recte aeque putent. + + Come along this way, then. (_stops_) If I may say so without + presumption, let me tell you this now: no one has ever yet + accused me justly, and there’s not a single other man in all + Athens that people think worthy of such confidence as me, + either. + +_Merc._ + _Trader_ + + Fortassis. sed tamen me + numquam hodie induces, ut tibi credam hoc argentum ignoto. + lupus est homo homini, non homo, quom qualis sit non novit. + + I dare say. But notwithstanding, never will you induce me + to-day to trust this money to you, a stranger, (_somewhat + apologetically_) “Man is no man, but a wolf, to a stranger.” + +_Leon._ + + Iam nunc secunda mihi facis. scibam huic te capitulo hodie. + facturum satis pro iniuria; quamquam ego sum sordidatus, + frugi tamen sum, nec potest peculium enumerari. + + (_encouraged_) Now there, that’s decent of you! I knew + you’d soon be making amends to a good fellow for doing him + an injustice. No matter if I do look shabby, I’m an honest + man just the same, and as for the cash I’ve laid by--it + can’t be counted. + +_Merc._ + _Trader_ + + Fortasse. + + (_sceptically_) I dare say. + +_Leon._ + + Etiam[13] Periphanes Rhodo mercator dives + absente ero solus mihi talentum argenti soli 500 + adnumeravit et mihi credidit, nequest deceptus in eo. + + Even Periphanes, the rich trader from Rhodes, counted out + two hundred pounds to me when master was away and we were + all by ourselves,--he trusted me, and he wasn’t deceived in + doing so, either. + +_Merc._ + _Trader_ + + Fortasse. + + I dare say. + +_Leon._ + + Atque etiam tu quoque ipse. si esses percontatus + me ex aliis, scio pol crederes nunc quod fers. + + Yes, and even you yourself, too, if you had only inquired + from others about me, I know you would trust me with what + you’ve got there, good Lord, yes! + +_Merc._ + _Trader_ + + Haud negassim. + + (_icily_) I should be sorry to deny it._ (_motions Leonida + to lead the way to Demaenetus_) + [EXEUNT THE THREE TO THE FORUM, _Leonida_ IREFUL. + + + + +ACTVS III + + ACT III + + + (_Half an hour has elapsed._) + + ENTER _Cleareta_ AND _Philaenium_ FROM THEIR HOUSE. + + +_Cle._ + + Nequeon ego ted interdictis facere mansuetem meis? + an ita tu es animata, ut qui matris expers imperio sies? + + Have I no power to make you submit when I prohibit a thing? + Can it be that you feel inclined to rid yourself of your + mother’s authority? + +_Phil._ + + Ubi piem Pietatem, si istoc more moratam tibi + postulem placere, mater, mihi quo pacto praecipis?[14] (507) + + How should I be showing myself duteous to Filial Duty, + mother, if I tried to please you by practising such + practices and doing as you prescribe? + +_Cle._ + + Hocine est pietatem colere. matris imperium minuere? (509) + + Is this regarding filial duty, to lessen a mother’s + authority? + +_Phil._ + + Neque quae recte faciunt culpo neque quae delinquont amo. 510 + + I don’t find fault with mothers that do right, and I don’t + like ones that do wrong. + +_Cle._ + + Satis dicacula es amatrix. + + A glib enough little hussy! + +_Phil._ + + Mater, is quaestus mihi est: + lingua poscit, corpus quaerit; animus orat, res monet. + + (_lightly_) All in my profession, mother: tongue asks, + body teases; fancy prompts, circumstances suggest. + +_Cle._ + + Ego te volui castigare, tu mi accusatrix ades. + + I intended to scold you, and here you are turning on me! + +_Phil._ + + Neque edepol te accuso neque id me facere fas existimo. + verum ego meas queror fortunas, cum illo quem amo prohibeor. + + Oh, no! I’m not turning on you: I don’t think that would be + right. But I do think it’s a cruel fate to be kept away from + the man I love. + +_Cle._ + + Ecqua pars orationis de die dabitur mihi? + + Am I to get some share of the speechmaking before nightfall? + +_Phil._ + + Et meam partem loquendi et tuam trado tibi; + ad loquendum atque ad tacendum tute habeas portisculum. + quin pol si reposivi remum, sola ego in casteria + ubi quiesco, omnis familiae causa consistit tibi. 520 + + I give you my share and your own, too: you can be boatswain + yourself and give the signal for talking and keeping still. + But goodness me, if I once lay down the oar, I, and stay by + myself resting in the rowers’ room, the progress of this + whole household stops short, you see. + +_Cle._ + + Quid ais tu, quam ego unam vidi mulierem audacissimam? + quotiens te votui Argyrippum filium Demaeneti + compellare aut contrectare, conloquive aut contui? + quid dedit? quid ad nos iussit deportari? an tu tibi + verba blanda esse aurum rere, dicta docta pro datis? + ultro amas, ultro expetessis, ultro ad te accersi iubes + illos qui dant, eos derides; qui deludunt, deperis. + + Look here! Of all the impudent young misses I have + ever seen! How many times have I forbidden you to have + communication or contact or chitchat with Demaenetus’s son, + Argyrippus, or to cast your eyes on him? What has he given + us? What has he had sent us? Do you think pretty speeches + are gold pieces, witty words presents? You make love to him + yourself, run after him yourself, have him called yourself. + Men that give you things you treat with contempt; those that + trifle with you you dote on. + + an te id exspectare oportet, si quis promittat tibi + te facturum divitem, si moriatur mater sua? + ecastor[15] nobis periclum magnum et familiae portenditur, 530 + dum eius exspectamus mortem, ne nos moriamur fame. + nunc adeo nisi mi huc argenti adfert viginti minas, + ne ille ecastor hunc trudetur largus lacrumarum foras. + hic dies summust quo est[16] apud me inopiae excusatio. + + Have you any business waiting for it to happen, if a man + does promise to make you rich, if his mother dies? Mercy + me, while we wait for her to die, up looms a big risk of + ourselves and our household dying of starvation! Now let + me tell you this: unless he brings me eighty pounds, I swear + to goodness that fellow shall be bundled out of the house, + liberal as he is--of tears! This is the last day I accept + pleas of poverty. + +_Phil._ + + Patiar, si cibo carere me iubes, mater mea. + + Tell me to do without food, mother dear, and I’ll endure + that. + +_Cle._ + + Non voto ted amare qui dant quoia amentur gratia. + + I have nothing to say against your loving men who give you + something to be loved for. + +_Phil._ + + Quid si hic animus occupatust, mater, quid faciam? mone. + + What if my heart isn’t free, mother? What then? Advise me. + +_Cle._ + + Em, + meum caput contemples si quidem ex re consultas tua. + + Look! Consider these grey hairs of mine, if you really have + any regard for your own good. + +_Phil._ + + Etiam opilio qui pascit, mater, alienas ovis, 539,540 + aliquam habet peculiarem, qui spem soletur suam. + sine me amare unum Argyrippum animi causa, quem volo. + + Even the shepherd that pastures other peoples’ sheep has + some ewe lamb of his very own, mother, one that he builds + happy hopes on. Do let me love Argyrippus alone, the man + I want, just for love’s sake. + +_Cle._ + + Intro abi, nam te quidem edepol nihil est impudentius. + + Inside with you! Why, mercy on us, a more shameless minx + than you really can’t exist. + +_Phil._ + + Audientem dicto, mater, produxisti filiam. + + (_tearfully_) You’ve trained ... your ... daughter ... to + ... be obedient ... mother. + [EXIT _Philaenium_ INTO HOUSE, FOLLOWED BY _Cleareta._ + + +III. 2. + + Scene 2. + + ENTER FROM FORUM _Libanus_ AND _Leonida_, LATTER CARRYING A + WALLET. + +_Lib._ + + Perfidiae laudes gratiasque habemus merito magnas, + quom nostris sycophantiis, dolis astutiisque,[17] (546) + advorsum stetimus lamminas,[18] crucesque compedesque, (548) + nervos, catenas, carceres, numellas, pedicas, boias 549,550 + inductoresque[19] acerrumos gnarosque nostri tergi.[20] (551) + + (_chanting ecstatically_) All praise and thanks be to holy + Perfidy as she deserves, since by our swindles, shams, and + wiles we have defied hot irons and crosses and gyves, and + thongs, chains, cells, shackles, fetters, collars, and + painters--painters keen as can be and intimate with our + backs! + + eae nunc legiones, copiae exercitusque eorum (554) + vi pugnando periuriis nostris fugae potiti. + id virtute huius collegae[21] meaque comitate + factumst. qui me vir fortior ad sufferundas plagas? + + All these regiments, battalions, and armies of theirs + have been put to flight, after fierce fighting, by our + fabrications. ’Tis the valour of my colleague hath done + it, with my own kind assistance. Who’s a stouter-hearted + hero than I am at taking thwacks? + +_Leon._ + + Edepol virtutes qui tuas non possis conclaudare + sic ut ego possim, quae domi duellique male fecisti. + ne illa edepol pro merito tuo memorari multa possunt: 560 + + (_sneeringly_) Good Lord! Your deeds of valour--you couldn’t + celebrate them the way I could your villainies at home and + in the field. Gad! you certainly can be acredited with a + lengthy list of things along that line. + + ubi fidentem fraudaveris, ubi ero infidelis fueris, + ubi verbis conceptis sciens libenter periuraris, + ubi parietes perfoderis, in furto ubi sis prehensus, + ubi saepe causam dixeris pendens adversus octo + artutos, audacis viros, valentis virgatores. + + Item, cheated a confiding friend; item, faithless to master; + item, committed perjury consciously, cheerfully, in set form + of words; item, dug your way into houses through the walls; + item, caught at thieving; item, strung up repeatedly and + plead your case before eight bold, brawny beef-eaters with + a gift for club swinging. + +_Lib._ + + Fateor profecto ut praedicas, Leonida, esse vera; + verum edepol ne etiam tua quoque malefacta iterari multa + et vero possunt; ubi sciens fideli infidus fueris, + ubi prensus in furto sies manifesto et verberatus,[22] 569 + ubi eris damno, molestiae et dedecori saepe fueris, (571) + + I am quite ready to admit that is a just statement of + the case, Leonida; but, Lord! the list of even your own + villainies, too, can certainly be made lengthy enough, + without injustice. Item, consciously treacherous to a + trusting friend; item, caught stealing redhanded and + whipped; item, repeatedly brought loss, trouble, and + disgrace on your masters; + + ubi creditum quod sit tibi datum esse pernegaris,[23] (572) + ubi saepe ad languorem tua duritia dederis octo (574) + validos lictores, ulmeis adfectos lentis virgis. + num male relata est gratia, ut collegam collaudavi? + + item, had money left in your keeping and swore and swore + it wasn’t; item, repeatedly exhausted by your toughness + eight strong lictors equipped with pliant elm rods. + (_pause_) Have I celebrated my colleague highly enough + to pay him back--eh, what? + +_Leon._ + + Ut meque teque maxime atque ingenio nostro decuit. + + (_thoughtfully_) Yes, pretty much what you and I and our + characters deserved. + +_Lib._ + + Iam omitte ista atque hoc quod rogo responde. + + Drop your nonsense now and answer me this question. + +_Leon._ + + Rogita quod vis. + + Ask your question. + +_Lib._ + + Argenti viginti minas habesne? + + (_triumphantly_) The eighty pounds, have you got it? + +_Leon._ + + Hariolare. + edepol senem Demaenetum lepidum fuisse nobis: 580 + ut adsimulabat Sauream med esse quam facete! + nimis aegre risum contini, ubi hospitem inclamavit, + quod se absente mihi fidem habere noluisset. + ut memoriter me Sauream vocabat atriensem. + + You’re a prophet! By gad, old Demaenetus did do the handsome + thing by us. The way he pretended I was Saurea--clever, my + word! I did have a deuce of a time holding in when he hauled + our guest over the coils for not being willing to trust me + in his absence. The way he remembered to keep calling me + steward Saurea! + +_Lib._ + + Mane dum. + + (_looking toward Cleareta’s house_) Wait, though! + +_Leon._ + + Quid est? + + What’s up? + +_Lib._ + + Philaenium estne haec quae intus exit + atque Argyrippus una? + + Isn’t this Philaenium coming out here, yes, and Argyrippus + along with her? + +_Leon._ + + Opprime os, is est. subauscultemus. + + (_in low tone_) Shut your mouth--so it is. Let’s do some + eaves-dropping (_they retire_) + +_Lib._ + + Lacrumantem lacinia tenet lacrumans. quidnam esse dicam? + taciti auscultemus. + + Both crying and she holding on to the lappet of his cloak! + What on earth is the matter! Let’s keep still and listen. + +_Leon._ + + Attatae, modo hercle in mentem venit, + nimis vellem habere perticam. + + Oh-h! Jove! It has just occurred to me; how I do wish I had + a pole! + +_Lib._ + + Quoi rei? + + What for? + +_Leon._ + + Qui verberarem + asinos, si forte occeperint clamare hinc ex crumina 590 + + To whop those asses, if they happen to start braying in the + wallet here. + + +III. 3. + + Scene 3. + + ENTER _Argyrippus_ AND _Philaenium_ FROM THE DOORWAY OF + _Cleareta’s_ HOUSE WHERE THEY HAVE BEEN STANDING + +_Argyr._ + + Cur me retentas? + + (_sadly_) Why hold me back? + +_Phil._ + + Quia tui amans abeuntis egeo. + + (_tearfully_) Because it’s dreadful having you leave me + when I love you so. + +_Argyr._ + + Vale. + + (_trying half heartedly to release himself_) Farewell! + +_Phil._ + + Aliquanto amplius valerem, si his maneres. + + (_still clinging to him_) I should fare much better if you’d + stay with me. + +_Argyr._ + + Salve. + + And God bless you! + +_Phil._ + + Salvere me iubes, quoi tu abiens offers morbum? + + You ask God to bless me when you curse me yourself by going? + +_Argyr._ + + Mater supremam mihi tua dixit, domum ire iussit. + + Your mother said this was to be my last hour; she has + ordered me home. + +_Phil._ + + Acerbum funus filiae faciet, si te carendum est. + + She’ll make her daughter die in misery, if I must be + deprived of you. + +_Lib._ + + Homo hercle hinc exclusust foras. + + (_aside to Leonida_) By gad! He’s been shut out of the + house here. + +_Leon._ + + Ita res est. + + So he has. + +_Argyr._ + + Mitte quaeso. + + (_dismally_) Come, come, let go! (_pulls away from her and + turns to go_) + +_Phil._ + + Quo nunc abis? quin tu hic manes? + + Where are you off to now? Why don’t you stay here? + +_Argyr._ + + Nox, si voles, manebo. + + I will at night, if you want. + +_Lib._ + + Audin hunc opera ut largus est nocturna? nunc enim esse + negotiosum interdius videlicet Solonem, + leges ut conscribat, quibus se populus teneat. gerrae! 600 + qui sese parere apparent huius legibus, profecto + numquam bonae frugi sient, dies noctesque potent. + + Hear the chap--how free he is with his attentions by night? + For now in the daytime he’s a hard-working Solon, drawing up + laws to bind the people--oh, yes he is! Rot! Folks that set + themselves to obey his laws won’t ever be good for anything, + that’s sure,--except drinking day and night. + +_Leon._ + + Ne iste hercle ab ista non pedem discedat, si licessit, + qui nunc festinat atque ab hac minatur sese abire. + + Good Lord! The fellow wouldn’t move a step from her, if he + had his way, not he, for all this rush of his and threats + to leave her + +_Lib._ + + Sermoni iam finem face tuo. huius sermonem accipiam. + + Come, make an end of your talk. I want to take in some of + his. + +_Argyr._ + + Vale. + + (_tragically_) Farewell! (_starts away_) + +_Phil._ + + Quo properas? + + Where are you hurrying to? + +_Argyr._ + + Bene vale, apud Orcum te videbo + nam equidem me iam quantum potest a vita abiudicabo. + + Farewell! Be happy. I shall see you in the world to come! + For upon my soul, this world and I shall now be divorced + as soon as possible! + +_Phil._ + + Cui tu, obsecro, immerito meo me morti dedere optas? + + (_running up and clinging to him_) Oh, for heaven’s sake, + why, why do you wish to condemn me to death yourself, + innocent as I am? + +_Argyr._ + + Ego te? quam si intellegam deficere vita, iam ipse + vitam meam tibi largiar et de mea ad tuam addam. 610 + + I you? If I saw your life was ebbing, I’d freely give you + my own at once and add my years to yours. + +_Phil._ + + Cui ergo minitans mihi, te vitam esse amissurum? + nam quid me facturam putas, si istuc quod dicis faxis? + mihi certum est facere in me omnia eadem quae tu in te faxis. + + Then why do you threaten me with throwing away your life? + For what do you think I will do, if you do what you say? + My mind’s made up: I’ll do to myself just precisely what + you do to yourself. + +_Argyr._ + + Oh melle dulci dulcior tu es. + + Oh, you’re sweeter than sweet honey! + +_Phil._ + + Certe enim tu vita es mi. + complectere. + + And you’re my very life, I know that. Do put your arms + around me! + +_Argyr._ + + Facio lubens. + + (_doing so_) Yes, yes, gladly! + +_Phil._ + + Utinam sic efferamur. + + Oh, if we could only be carried to the grave like this! + +_Leon._ + + O Libane, uti miser est homo qui amat. + + I say, Libanus, what a poor devil a chap in love is! + +_Lib._ + + Immo hercle vero, + qui pendet multo est miserior. + + By Jove, no! A chap hung up by his heels is a much poorer + devil, believe me. + +_Leon._ + + Scio qui periclum feci. + circum sistamus, alter hinc, hinc alter appellemus. + ere, salve. sed num fumus est haec mulier quam amplexare? + + I know that: I’ve tried it. (_a pause_) Let’s surround him, + and give him a salute, one from here (_pointing_) and the + other from here. (_they station themselves: then, giving the + signal to Libanus to chime in, loudly to Argyrippus_) Good + day, sir! (_the lovers give a start_) But--this lady you’re + hugging isn’t smoke, is she? + +_Argyr._ + + Quidum? + + Smoke? Why so? + +_Leon._ + + Quia oculi sunt tibi lacrumantes, eo rogavi. 620 + + Well, your eyes are watering; that’s why I asked. + +_Argyr._ + + Patronus qui vobis fuit futurus, perdidistis. + + (_tragically_) You have lost a man who would have freed you + and been your patron, my lads. + +_Leon._ + + Equidem hercle nullum perdidi, ideo quia numquam ullum habui. + + Lord! I haven’t lost any such, no, indeed, seeing I never + had any such. + +_Lib._ + + Philaenium, salve. + + Good day to you, Philaenium. + +_Phil._ + + Dabunt di quae velitis vobis. + + God grant all your wishes, to both of you. + +_Lib._ + + Noctem tuam et vini cadum velim, si optata fiant. + + I’d wish an evening with you and a cask of wine, if wishing + was having. + +_Argyr._ + + Verbum cave faxis, verbero. + + Hold your tongue, you rascal! + +_Lib._ + + Tibi equidem, non mihi opto. + + Oh, wish ’em for you, I mean, sir, not for myself. + +_Argyr._ + + Tum tu igitur loquere quod lubet. + + Then in that case, say what you like. + +_Lib._ + + Hunc hercle verberare. + + Like? I’d like to give this chap (_pointing to Leonida_) + a thrashing, by gad! + +_Leon._ + + Quisnam istuc adcredat tibi, cinaede calamistrate? + tun verberes, qui pro cibo habeas te verberari? + + (_ironically_) Well, well, who’d believe it of you, you + frizzle-headed girl-hunter? You thrash me, you, you that + live on thrashings? + +_Argyr._ + + Ut vostrae fortunae meis praecedunt, Libane, longe, + qui hodie numquam ad vesperum vivam. + + (_tragical again_) Ah, Libanus, how far preferable your lot + is to mine--I who will never never live till evening! + +_Lib._ + + Quapropter, quaeso? 630 + + How’s that, for mercy’s sake? + +_Argyr._ + + Quia ego hanc amo et haec me amat, + huic quod dem nusquam quicquam est, + hinc med amantem ex aedibus eiecit huius mater. + argenti viginti minae me ad mortem appulerunt, + quas hodie adulescens Diabolus ipsi daturus dixit, + ut hanc ne quoquam mitteret nisi ad se hunc annum totum. + videtin viginti minae quid pollent quidve possunt? + ille qui illas perdit salvos est, ego qui non perdo pereo. + + Because I love her (_indicating Philaenium_) and she loves + me, and (_bitterly_) never a penny can I find anywhere to + give her; and her mother has thrown me out of the house + here, me, her daughter’s lover. I’m driven to my death by + eighty pounds, eighty pounds young Diabolus promised to pay + her to-day for letting no one else but him have my girl + the whole of this next year. Do you see the power, the + possibilities in eighty pounds? The man that loses them + is saved. I don’t lose them and I’m lost myself. + +_Lib._ + + Iam dedit argentum? + + Has he paid ’em over already? + +_Argyr._ + + Non dedit. + + No. + +_Lib._ + + Bono animo es, ne formida. + + Cheer up; never you fear. + +_Leon._ + + Secede huc, Libane, te volo. + + Libanus! Come over here: I want you. + +_Lib._ + + Si quid vis. + + (_obeying_) Anything to please. (_they withdraw and talk, + heads close together_) + +_Argyr._ + + Obsecro vos + eadem istac opera suaviust complexos fabulari. 640 + + (_calling_) For heaven’s sake, you two! You’d find it + pleasanter to hug each other, while you do your chatting! + +_Lib._ + + Non omnia eadem aeque omnibus, ere, suavia esse scito: + vobis est suave amantibus complexos fabulari, + ego complexum huius nil moror, meum autem hic aspernatur. + proinde istud facias ipse quod faciamus nobis suades. + + Tastes differ about what’s pleasant, sir, let me tell you + that. A fond pair like you find it pleasant to hug each + other while you do your chatting; but, personally, I don’t + care for this fellow’s hugs, and as for mine, he scorns ’em. + So you go on and practise yourself what you preach to us. + +_Argyr._ + + Ego vero, et quidem edepol lubens. interea, si videtur, + concedite istuc. + + Indeed I will, by Jove, yes, and gladly. Meanwhile you two + go on and step aside there, if you see fit. (_embraces + Philaenium_) + +_Leon._ + + Vin erum deludi? + + D’ye want to have some fun with master? + +_Lib._ + + Dignust sane. + + That I do, serves him right. + +_Leon._ + + Vin faciam ut te Philaenium praesente hoc amplexetur? + + D’ye want me to make Philaenium give you a squeeze right + before his face? + +_Lib._ + + Cupio hercle. + + (_enthusiastically_) Gad, I long for one! + +_Leon._ + + Sequere hac. + + Come along. (_leads the way back to Argyrippus and + _Philaenium_) + +_Argyr._ + + Ecquid est salutis? satis locuti. + + Any good news? You have talked enough. + +_Leon._ + + Auscultate atque operam date et mea dicta devorate. + primum omnium servos tuos nos esse non negamus, 650 + sed tibi si viginti minae argenti proferentur, + quo nos vocabis nomine? + + (_importantly_) Listen here, you two; pay attention and + devour my remarks, (_to Argyrippus_) First of all, we are + your slaves, we don’t deny that; but if eighty pounds is + produced for you, what will you call us? + +_Argyr._ + + Libertos. + + (_eagerly_) Freedmen! + +_Leon._ + + Non patronos? + + Not patrons, eh? + +_Argyr._ + + Id potius. + + Yes, yes, patrons! + +_Leon._ + + Viginti minae hic insunt in crumina, + has ego, si vis, tibi dabo. + + There’s eighty pounds in this wallet here: I’ll give it to + you if you like. + +_Argyr._ + + Di te servassint semper, + custos erilis, decus popli, thensaurus copiarum, + salus interioris[24] corporis amorisque imperator. + hic pone, hic istam colloca cruminam in collo plane. + + Heaven prosper you for evermore, you guardian of your + master, you glory of the populace, you storehouse of + supplies, saviour of the inner man, and generalissimo of + love! Put it here, hang that wallet here around my neck in + plain sight. + +_Leon._ + + Nolo ego te, qui erus sis, mihi onus istuc sustinere. + + Let my master bear such a load? No sir, not I. + +_Argyr._ + + Quin tu labore liberas te atque istam imponis in me? + + Why not take things easy yourself and let me stand the + strain? + +_Leon._ + + Ego baiulabo, tu, ut dacet dominum, ante me ito inanis. 660 + + I’ll act as porter myself; as for you, you walk on ahead as + a master should, empty handed. + +_Argyr._ + + Quid nunc? + + (_eagerly_) Well now? + +_Lean._ + + Quid est? + + (_drawling_) Well what? + +_Argyr._ + + Quin tradis huc cruminam pressatum umerum? + + Why don’t you hand the wallet over and let it crush my + shoulder? + +_Leon._ + + Hanc, cui daturu’s hanc, iube petere atque orare mecum. + nam istuc proclive est, quo iubes me plane collocare. + + She’s the one, (_pointing to Philaenium_) the one you’ll + give it to, tell her to ask me for it, tease me for it. You + see that plain site you told me to put it on is a (_with a + sly glance at Philaenium_) slope. + +_Phil._ + + Da, meus ocellus, mea rosa, mi anime, mea voluptas, + Leonida, argentum mihi, ne nos diiunge amantis. + + Oh, Leonida, you apple of my eye, my rosebud, my heart’s + delight, my darling, do give me the money! Don’t separate + us lovers. + +_Leon._ + + Dic me igitur tuom passerculum, gallinam, coturnicem, + agnellum haedillum me tuom die esse vel vitellum. + prehende auriculis, compara labella cum labellis. + + (_with burlesque fondness_) Well then, call me your little + sparrow, hen, quail, call me your little lambkin, kidlet, or + calfyboy, if you prefer: take hold of me by the earlaps and + match my little lips to your little lips. + +_Argyr._ + + Ten osculetur, verbero? + + She kiss you, you scoundrel? + +_Leon._ + + Quam vero indignum visum est? + at qui pol hodie non feres, ni genua confricantur. 670 + + Yes, it does seem a shame, doesn’t it? However, you don’t + get the cash this day, by gad, unless you rub my knees. + +_Argyr._ + + Quidvis egestas imperat: fricentur. dan quod oro? + + “Need knows no shame.” Rubbed they shall be. (_gets down + on ground, with poor grace, and clasps Leonida’s knees_) + Won’t you grant my prayer? (_gets up_) + +_Phil._ + + Age, mi Leonida, obsecro, fer amanti ero salutem, + redime istoc beneficio te ab hoc, et tibi eme hunc isto argento. + + Come, dear Leonida, please, please save your master that + loves me so! Buy your freedom from him by this kindness, buy + his favour for yourself with this money! (_embraces him_) + +_Leon._ + + Nimis bella es atque amabilis, et si hoc meum esset, hodie + namquam me orares quin darem. illum te orare meliust, + illic hanc mihi servandam dedit ei sane bella belle, + cape hoc sis, Libane. + + (_leering at her_) Ah, you’re pretty, perfectly adorable: + and if this belonged to me, I’d never let you tease me twice + for it, never. But he’s the one for you to tease: (_pointing + to Libanus_) he gave it to me to keep for him. At him now, + my pretty, prettily. Libanus, catch hold of this, will you! + (_tosses him the wallet_) + +_Argyr._ + + Furcifer, etiam me delusisti? + + What, you villain! Have you been making a fool of me? + +_Leon._ + + Numquam hercle facerem, genua ni tam nequiter fricares. + age sis tu in partem nunciam hunc delude atque amplexare hanc. + + Bless you, sir, I wouldn’t, only you made such a bad job + of rubbing my knees. (_aside to Libanus_) Come on now, will + you; you take your turn at fooling him and cuddling her. + +_Lib._ + + Taceas, me spectes. + + (_aside to Leonida_) Shut up: you watch me! + +_Argyr._ + + Quin ad hunc, Philaenium, adgredimur, 680 + virum quidem pol optimum et non simulem furis huius? + + (_aside to Philaenium_) Why not make up to him, Philaenium? + He’s a very decent sort, Libanus is, gad yes, nothing like + this thief. (_indicating Leonida_) + +_Lib._ + + Inambulandum est: nunc mihi vicissam supplicabunt. + + (_aside as they approach_) Now for some strutting around: + here’s where I come in for being supplicated. (_parades + magnificently back and forth_) + +_Argyr._ + + Quaeso hercle, Libane, sis erum tuis factis sospitari, + da mihi istas viginti minas. vides me amantem egere. + + Hang it all, Libanus, for mercy’s sake be a good fellow and + save your master’s life! Give me that eighty pounds. You see + I’m in love and need the money. + +_Lib._ + + Videbitur. factum volo. redito huc contemno + nunc istanc tantisper iube petere atque orare + mecum. + + We’ll see about it. Happy if I can oblige. Come back early + in the evening. Meanwhile now just tell the lady there to + ask me for it and tease me for it. + +_Phil._ + + Amandone exorarier vis ted an osculando? + + Tease it from you by loving you, or by kissing you, which? + +_Lib._ + + Enim vero utrumque. + + Oh well, try both of ’em. + +_Phil._ + + Ergo, obsecro, et tu utrumque nostrum serva. + + (_fondling him_) And both of us, then,--do rescue us, + please, please! + +_Argyr._ + + O Libane, mi patrone, mi trade istuc. magis decorumst + libertum potius quam patronum onus in via portare. 690 + + O Libanus, my dear patron, do hand it over to me! A freedman + is the proper person to carry a load on the street, not his + patron. + +_Phil._ + + Mi Libane, ocellus aureus, donum decusque amoris, + amabo, faciam quod voles, da istuc argentum nobis. + + My own Libanus, my little golden treasure boy, love’s gift + and glory, oh, I’ll adore you, do anything for you, only + give us that money! + +_Lib._ + + Dic igitur med aniticulam, columbam vel catellum, + hirundinem, monerulam, passerculum putillum, + fac proserpentem bestiam me, duplicem ut habeam linguam, + circumda torquem bracchiis, meum collum circumplecte. + + Then call me your little ducky, dovey, doggieboy, your + swallow, your little jackdaw, your little tootsie wootsie + sparrowkin: (_opening his mouth_) make a reptile of me and + let me have a double tongue in my mouth; throw a chain of + arms around me; clasp me close around my neck. + +_Argyr._ + + Ten complectatur, carnufex? + + Put her arms around you, you gallows-bird! + +_Lib._ + + Quam vero indignus videor? + ne istuc nequiquam dixeris tam indignum dictum in me, + vehes pol hodie me, si quidem hoc argentum ferre speres. + + An awful shame, isn’t it, really now? Not to have you saying + such shameful things of me free of charge, you’ll carry me + on your back to-day, by gad, that is, if you count on + getting this cash. + +_Argyr._ + + Ten ego veham? + + I carry you on my back--I? + +_Lib._ + + Tun hoc feras argentum aliter a me? 700 + + See any other way of getting this cash, do you--you? + +_Argyr._ + + Perii hercle. si verum quidem et decorum erum vehere servom, + inscende. + + O damnation! Well, if it is right and proper for a master to + carry a servant on his back--get up. + +_Lib._ + + Sic isti solent superbi subdomari. + asta igitur, ut consuetus es puer olim scin ut dicam? + em sic. abi, laudo, nec te equo magis est equos ullus sapiens. + + Here’s how those toplofty ones are tamified. Now then, stand + by--the way you used to do years ago as a boy. Know how I + mean? (_Argyrippus sidles up and bends over_) There! That’s + it! Good for you! Capital! There isn’t a more knowing bit of + horse-flesh than you anywhere. + +_Argyr._ + + Inscende actutum. + + Get up, and be quick about it! + +_Lib._ + + Ego fecero hem quid istuc est? ut tu incedis? + demam hercle iam de hordeo, tolutim ni badizas. + + (_springing on his shoulders_) So I will. (_Argyrippus moves + off slowly_) Hullo! What’s the matter? How you do jog along! + By gad, I’ll dock your barley directly, if you don’t stir + yourself and gallop. (_Argyrippus gallops_) + +_Argyr._ + + Amabo, Libane, iam sat est. + + There’s a good fellow, Libanus,--that’s enough now! + +_Lib._ + + Numquam hercle hodie exorabis + nam iam calcari quadrupedo agitabo advorsum clivom, + postidea ad pistores dabo, ut ibi cruciere currens. + asta ut descendam nunciam in proclivi, quamquam nequam es. 710 + + Not on your life--you don’t beg off this day. Why, now I’m + going to dig the spurs in and trot you up a hill: afterwards + I’ll hand you over to the millers to do some running for ’em + at the end of a rawhide. Stand still! so that I can dismount + on the slope now, even though you are a good-for-nothing + beast. (_gets off_) + +_Argyr._ + + Quid nunc, amabo? quoniam, ut est libitum, nos delusistis, + datisne argentum? + + How about it now? There’s a good fellow! Seeing you two have + had your fill of sport with me, going to give us the money, + are you? + +_Lib._ + + Si quidem mihi statuam et aram statuis + atque ut deo mi hic immolas bovem: nam ego tibi Salus sum. + + Oh well, if you put me up an altar and statue, yes, and + offer me up an ox here the same as a god: for I’m your + goddess Salvation, I am. + +_Leon._ + + Etiam tu, ere, istunc amoves abs te atque[25] ipse me adgredere + atque illa, sibi quae hic iusserat, mihi statuis supplicasque? + + Come, sir, get rid of that chap, won’t you, and apply + to me in person, yes, and let me have those statues and + supplications he ordered for himself. + +_Argyr._ + + Quem te autem divom nominem? + + Ah, and by what name does your godship pass? + +_Leon._ + + Fortunam, atque Obsequentem. + + Fortune, yes sir, Indulgent Fortune. + +_Argyr._ + + Iam istoc es melior. + + Now there’s where you are better. + +_Lib._ + + An quid est homini Salute melius? + + Eh? what’s better for a man than Salvation? + +_Argyr._ + + Licet laudem Fortunam, tamen ut ne Salutem culpem. + + I can praise Fortune and still not disparage Salvation. + +_Phil._ + + Ecastor ambae sunt bonae. + + Mercy me, they’re both good. + +_Argyr._ + + Sciam ubi boni quid dederint. + + I’ll know so when I get something good out of them. + +_Leon._ + + Opta id quod ut contingat tibi vis. + + Wish for something you want to happen to you. + +_Argyr._ + + Quid si optaro? + + What if I do? + +_Leon._ + + Eveniet. 720 + + It’ll come true. + +_Argyr._ + + Opto annum hunc perpetuom mihi huius operas. + + My wish is to have this lady’s attentions this whole next + year through. + +_Leon._ + + Impetrasti. + + You’ve got it. + +_Argyr._ + + Ain vero? + + Really? really? + +_Leon._ + + Certe inquam. + + Sure thing I tell you. + +_Lib._ + + Ad me adi vicissim atque experire. + exopta id quod vis maxime tibi evenire: fiet. + + It’s my turn--come over here and give me a trial. Long for + something you most want to come true: it will. + +_Argyr._ + + Quid ego aliud exoptem amplius nisi illud cuius inopiast, + viginti argenti commodas minas, huius quas dem matri. + + What could I long for more than something I haven’t got a + trace of--a round eighty pounds to give this girl’s mother? + +_Lib._ + + Dabuntur, animo sis bono face, exoptata optingent. + + Forthcoming. Keep your courage up: your longing will be + gratified. + +_Argyr._ + + Ut consuevere, homines Salus frustratur et Fortuna. + + (_incredulous_) Salvation is at her old tricks, fooling + people, and Fortune too. + +_Leon._ + + Ego caput huic argento fui hodie reperiundo. + + In lighting on this cash to-day--I’m the one that’s been + the head of it! + +_Lib._ + + Ego pes fui. + + I’m the one that’s been the foot of it! + +_Argyr._ + + Quin nec caput nec pes sermoni apparet. + nec quid dicatis scire nec me cur ludatis possum. 730 + + And upon my soul, your discourse is a puzzle from head to + foot. I can’t understand your talk, or why you’re making + game of me. + +_Lib._ + + Satis iam delusum censeo. nunc rem ut est eloquamur. + animum. Argyrippe, advorte sis. pater nos ferre hoc iussit + argentum ad ted. + + (_aside to Leonida_) I move he’s been fooled with long + enough. Come on, let’s out with it. (_to Argyrippus_) Your + kind attention, Argyrippus! Your father told us to bring + this money to you. (_holding up wallet_) + +_Argyr._ + + Ut temperi opportuneque attulistis. + + Oh, you’ve brought it just in time, just at the right + moment! + +_Lib._ + + Hic inerunt viginti minae bonae, mala opera partae; + has tibi nos pactis legibus dare iussit. + + You’ll find in here eighty good sovereigns ill-gotten: he + said to give ’em to you according to terms agreed upon. + +_Argyr._ + + Quid id est, quaeso? + + Terms? What terms, for mercy’s sake? + +_Lib._ + + Noctem huius et cenam sibi ut dares. + + That you’re to give him an evening with this lady, and a + dinner. + +_Argyr._ + + Iube advenire quaeso: + meritissimo eius quae volet faciemus, qui hosce amores + nostros dispulsos compulit. + + Tell him to come along, yes, yes! We’ll do what he wants, + and quite right we should, after the way he’s gathered our + scattered love to the fold. (_takes wallet from Libanus_) + +_Leon._ + + Patierin, Argyrippe, + patrem hanc amplexari tuom? + + Going to put up with your father’s hugging her, are you, + Argyrippus? + +_Argyr._ + + Haec faciet facile ut patiar + Leonida, curre obsecro, patrem huc orato ut veniat. 740 + + (_waving wallet_) This will easily enable me to put up + with it. Leonida, for heaven’s sake run and beg my father to + come here. + +_Leon._ + + Iam dudum est intus. + + (_pointing to Cleareta’s house_) He was in there long ago. + +_Argyr._ + + Hac quidem non venit. + + He certainly didn’t come this way. + +_Leon._ + + Angiporto + illac per hortum circum ut clam, ne quis se videret. + huc ire familiarium: ne uxor resciscat metuit + de argento si mater tua sciat ut sit factum-- + + Sneaked in by the alley there through the garden, so that + none of the servants would see him enter: he’s afraid of + his wife finding out. If your mother was to learn about + the money, how it was-- + +_Argyr._ + + Heia, + bene dicite. + + Hold on there! No ominous remarks! + +_Lib._ + + Ite intro cito. + + In with you, quick! + +_Argyr._ + + Valete. + + Good-bye, you two. + +_Leon._ + + Et vos amate. + + And spoon away, you two. + + [EXEUNT _Argyrippus_ AND _Philaenium_ INTO _Cleareta’s_ + HOUSE, _Libanus_ AND _Leonida_ INTO HOUSE OF _Demaenetus._ + + + + +ACTVS IV + + ACT IV + + + ENTER _Diabolus_ AND _Parasite._ + +_Diab._ + + Agedum istum ostende quem conscripsti syngraphum + inter me et amicam et lenam. leges pellege + nam tu poeta es prorsus ad eam rem unicus. + + Come on, show me that contract you drew up between me and my + mistress and the Madame. Read over the terms. Ah, you’re the + one and only artist at this business. + +_Par._ + + Horrescet faxo lena, leges cum audiet. + + (_producing a document_) I warrant you Madame will shudder + when she hears the terms. + +_Diab._ + + Age quaeso mi hercle translege. + + Come come, man, for the Lord’s sake let’s have ’em! + +_Par._ + + Audin? + + Are you listening? + +_Diab._ + + Audio. 750 + + Yes. + +_Par._ + + “Diabolus Glauci filius Clearetae + lenae dedit dono argenti viginti minas, + Philaenium ut secum esset noctes et dies + hunc annum totum.” + + (_reading_) “Diabolus, son of Glaucus, has given to + Cleareta, Madame, a present of eighty pounds to the end that + Philaenium throughout the coming year may spend her nights + and days with him.” + +_Diab._ + + Neque cum quiquam alio quidem. + + Yes, and not with anyone else, either. + +_Par._ + + Addone? + + Shall I add that? + +_Diab._ + + Adde, et scribas vide plane et probe. + + Add that, and see you put it down in a good firm hand. + +_Par._ + + “Alienum hominem intro mittat neminem. + quod illa aut amicum aut patronum nominet, + aut quod illa amicae[26] amatorem praedicet, + fores occlusae omnibus sint nisi tibi. + in foribus scribat occupatam esse se. 760 + + (_after doing so_) “She is to admit no male outsider into + her house. In case she call him a mere friend or guardian, + or in case she allege him to be the lover of a friend of + hers, her doors must be closed to all but you. She must post + a notice on the doors stating that she is engaged. + + aut quod illa dicat peregre allatam epistulam, + ne epistula quidem ulla sit in aedibus + nec cerata adeo tabula; et si qua inutilis + pictura sit, eam vendat: ni in quadriduo + abalienarit, quo abs te argentum acceperit, + tuos arbitratus sit, comburas, si velis, + ne illi sit cera, ubi facere possit litteras. + + Or in case she say that a letter from foreign parts + has been delivered to her, there must be no letter at all + in the house, nor so much as a waxen tablet; and if there be + any undesirable picture about, let her sell it: unless she + shall have removed it within four days after receipt of your + money, it shall be at your disposal: you may burn it up, if + you deem fit, that she may have no wax whereon to write. + + vocet convivam neminem illa, tu voces; + ad eorum ne quem oculos adiciat suos. + si quem alium aspexit, caeca continue siet. 770 + tecum una potet, aeque pocla potitet: + abs ted accipiat, tibi propinet, tu bibas, + ne illa minus aut plus quam tu sapiat.” + + She must invite no guest to the house: you shall invite + them; and she must have eyes for none of them. If her glance + has fallen on another man, she must become blind forthwith. + She must drink with you only, and drink with you glass for + glass: let her receive the glass from your hands, drink to + your health, and then do you take it and drink, so that she + may have no--(_unobtrusively dropping the aspirate_) whit + more than you, nor less.” + +_Diab._ + + Satis placet. + + (_not noticing_) Quite satisfactory. + +_Par._ + + “Suspiciones omnes ab se segreget. + neque illaec ulli pede pedem homini premat, + cum surgat, neque cum in lectum inscendat proximum, + neque cum descendat inde, det cuiquam manum: + spectandum ne cui anulum det neque roget. + talos ne cuiquam homini admoveat nisi tibi. + cum iaciat, ‘te’ ne dicat: nomen nominet. 780 + + “She must keep herself above every suspicion. She must not + touch feet with any man when she arises from table: and when + she steps upon the adjoining couch, or steps down therefrom, + she must take no one’s hand. She must give no one her ring + to look at, nor ask to look at his. To no man save yourself + must she pass the dice. On making a throw she must not say, + ‘Thee[E] I invoke!’ She is to name your name. + + [Footnote E: Naming one’s sweetheart, on making a throw, + was a common custom.] + + deam invocet sibi quam libebit propitiam, + deum nullum; si magis religiosa fuerit, + tibi dicat: tu pro illa ores ut sit propitius. + neque illa ulli homini nutet, nictet, annuat. + post, si lucerna exstincta sit, ne quid sui + membri commoveat quicquam in tenebris.” + + Let her call upon any goddess she pleases for favour, but + upon no god; if she have religious scruples in regard to + this, let her tell you, and do you make the prayer for his + favour in her stead. To no man shall she nod, wink, or + signify compliance. Further, if the lamp go out, she is + not to move a single limb in the darkness.” + +_Diab._ + + Optumest. + ita scilicet facturam. verum in cubiculo-- + deme istuc--equidem illam moveri gestio. + nolo illam habere causam et votitam dicere. + + Excellent! To be sure she mustn’t, (_pause_) But in our own + room--cut that clause out--why, I’m keen as can be for her + to be lively there! I don’t want her to have an excuse and + say the contract forbids. + +_Par._ + + Scio, captiones metuis. + + I see, you fear some catch. + +_Diab._ + + Verum. + + Exactly. + +_Par._ + + Ergo ut iubes 790 + tollam. + + Well then, I shall strike that out, as you order. + +_Diab._ + + Quid ni? + + Of course you will. + +_Par._ + + Audi relicua. + + Listen to the rest. + +_Diab._ + + Loquere, audio. + + Go on: I am listening. + +_Par._ + + “Neque ullum verbum faciat perplexabile, + neque ulla lingua sciat loqui nisi Attica, + forte si tussire occepsit, ne sic tussiat, + ut cuiquam linguam in tussiendo proserat. + quod illa autem simulet, quasi gravedo profluat, + hoc ne sic faciat: tu labellum abstergeas + potius quam cuiquam savium faciat palam. + + “She must use no phrase of double meaning, and must know how + to speak no language but the Attic. If she should happen to + cough, she is not to cough so, (_illustrating_) in such a + way as to extend her tongue toward anyone. Moreover, in case + she pretends to have a running cold, she must not do this: + (_purses his lips_) you are to wipe her little lip yourself + rather than let her pucker up her mouth for anyone so + obviously. + + nec mater lena ad vinum accedat interim, + nec ulli verbo male dicat. si dixerit, 800 + haec multa ei esto, vino viginti dies + ut careat.” + + “Nor shall the Madame, her mother, drop in while you are + having your wine, or say a single abusive word to anyone. + If such a word be said by her, the penalty shall be this-- + no wine for her for twenty days.” + +_Diab._ + + Pulchre scripsti. scitum syngraphum. + + Splendid document! Capital contract! + +_Par._ + + “Tum si coronas, serta, unguenta iusserit + ancillam ferre Veneri aut Cupidini, + tuos servos servet, Venerine eas det an viro. + si forte pure velle habere dixerit, 800 + tot noctes reddat spurcas quot pure habuerit.” + haec sunt non nugae, non enim mortualia. + + “Then if she bid her maid carry chaplets, wreaths, perfumes + to Venus or to Cupid, your servant shall observe whether she + gives them to Venus, or to a man. Should she happen to + express a wish for religious seclusion, she must give you + as many hours of love as she has of loneliness.” These be + no trifles; these be no dirges for dead folk, I tell you. + The terms are highly satisfactory. Follow me in. + +_Diab._ + + Placent profecto leges, sequere intro. + + Very well. + +_Par._ + + Sequor. + + [EXEUNT INTO _Cleareta’s_ HOUSE: SOUND OF WRANGLING WITHIN: + RE-ENTER _Diabolus_ AND _Parasite_ FROM HOUSE. + + +IV. 2. + + Scene 2. + +_Diab._ + + Sequere hac, egone haec patiar aut taceam? emori 810 + me malim, quam haec non eius uxori indicem. + ain tu? apud amicam munus adulescentuli + fungare, uxori excuses te et dicas senem? + praeripias scortum amanti atque argentum obicias + lenae? suppiles clam domi uxorem tuam? + + (_incensed_) Come along! I put up with this? I hold my + tongue? I’d rather perish from the earth than not let it out + to his wife! (_shouting to Demaenetus within_) You + will, will you? You will play the gay young spark with a + mistress and excuse yourself to your wife on the plea of old + age, eh? You will snatch a girl from her lover and toss your + money to the Madame, eh? You will filch things from your + lady at home on the sly, eh? + + suspendam potius me, quam tu haec tacita auferas. + iam quidem hercle ad illam hinc ibo, quam tu propediem, + nisi quidem illa ante occupassit te, effliges scio, + luxuriae sumptus suppeditare ut possies. + + I’d sooner hang myself than let you carry it off so and + nothing said. By the Lord, I’ll go to her this very minute, + I will, the woman you’re bound to bring to pauperism + shortly,--if she doesn’t forestall you, that is,--just + so that you may be kept in funds for your orgies! + +_Par._ + + Ego sic faciundum censeo: me honestiust, 820 + quam te palam hanc rem facere, ne illa existimet + amoris causa percitum id fecisse te + magis quam sua causa. + + (_calmly, judiciously_) In my opinion, this is the way + we should handle the case: it would look better for me to + appear in the matter than you; she might think you were hard + hit and did it more out of jealousy than out of regard for + her. + +_Diab._ + + At pol qui dixti rectius. + tu ergo fac ut illi turbas lites concias; + cum suo sibi gnato unam ad amicam de die + potare, illam expilare narra. + + Right you are, gad yes, that is better! Then raise hell for + him yourself; stir up a row; notify her that he’s having a + daylight carouse with his own son, one girl between ’em + there at her house, and she herself being rooked for it! + +_Par._ + + Ne mone, + ego istud curabo. + + No advice needed! I shall take care of that. + +_Diab._ + + At ego te opperiar domi.[27] (827) + + Well, I’ll wait for you at home. [EXIT. + + + + +ACTVS V + + ACT V + + + THE DOOR OF _Cleareta’s_ HOUSE IS OPEN, SHOWING + _Argyrippus_, _Demaenetus,_ AND _Philaenium_ BANQUETING, + _Philaenium_ BEING ON A COUCH BESIDE _Demaenetus_ AND + TRYING NOT TO SEEM BORED BY HIS GALLANTRIES. + +_Dem._ + + Numquidnam tibi molestumst, gnate mi, + si haec nunc mecum accubat? 830 + + You don’t mind it, do you, my boy,--her being on the couch + here with me? (_merrily chucks Philaenium under the chin_) + +_Argyr._ + + Pietas, pater, oculis dolorem prohibet. quamquam ego istanc amo, + possum equidem inducere animum, ne aegre patiar quia tecum accubat. + + (_dolefully_) My duty as a son takes the sting out of the + sight, father. Even though I do love her, of course I can + persuade myself not to be disturbed at her being with you. + +_Dem._ + + Decet verecundum esse adulescentem, Argyrippe. + + A young fellow should be modest, Argyrippus. + +_Argyr._ + + Edepol, pater, + merito tuo facere possum. + + Ah yes, father, I can behave as you deserve. + +_Dem._ + + Age ergo, hoc agitemus convivium + vino et[28] sermoni suavi. nolo ego metui, amari mavolo, + mi gnate, me abs te. + + (_jovially_) Come on then, let’s have a lively banquet--wine + and sweet converse, my dears! None of your filial awe for + me: your love is what I want, my lad. + +_Argyr._ + + Pol ego utrumque facio, ut aequom est filium. + + (_still more dolefully_) Ah yes, father, I give you both, + as a son should. + +_Dem._ + + Credam istuc, si esse te hilarum videro. + + I’ll believe that, once I see you looking jolly. + +_Argyr._ + + An tu me tristem putas? + + (_with a deep sigh_) You don’t think I’m ... melancholy ... + do you? + +_Dem._ + + Putem ego, quem videam aeque esse maestum ut quasi dies si dicta sit? + + Think so? When you look as sepulchral as if you were + docketed for trial! + +_Argyr._ + + Ne dixis istuc. + + Don’t say that. + +_Dem._ + + Ne sic fueris: ilico ego non dixero. 839,840 + + Don’t be that, and I’ll stop saying it soon enough. + +_Argyr._ + + Em aspecta: rideo. + + (_making a dismal effort to look happy_) Here now! See! I’m + smiling. + +_Dem._ + + Utinam male qui mihi volunt sic rideant. + + (_dryly_) I wish my enemies were blessed with a smile like + that. + +_Argyr._ + + Scio equidem quam ob rem me, pater, tu tristem + credas nunc tibi: + quia istaec est tecum. atque ego quidem hercle ut verum + tibi dicam. pater, + ea res me male habet; at non eo, quia tibi non cupiam quae velis; + verum istam amo. aliam tecum esse equidem facile possum perpeti. + + Of course I know why you think my bearing toward you now + is melancholy, father,--because she’s with you. And good + heavens, father, to tell you the truth, I--it does make me + miserable; not because I’m not eager to have your wishes + gratified; but I love that girl. If it was some other one, + I shouldn’t mind at all, really I shouldn’t. + +_Dem._ + + At ego hanc volo. + + I want this one, though. + +_Argyr._ + + Ergo sunt quae exoptas: mihi quae ego exoptem volo. + + Well then, you’ve got your desire: I wish I could have the + same luck! + +_Dem._ + + Unum hunc diem perpetere, quoniam tibi potestatem dedi, + cum hac annum ut esses, atque amanti argenti feci copiam. + + Oh, you’ll take it calmly this one day, now that I’ve given + you the chance to be with her for a year, and furnished + forth my young gallant with funds. + +_Argyr._ + + Em istoc me facto tibi devinxti. + + Just the point! You have me bound hard and fast by that. + +_Dem._ + + Quin te ergo hilarum das mihi? 849,850 + + Come then, surrender and be jolly, won’t you? + + +V. 2. + + Scene 2. + + ENTER _Artemona_ AND _Parasite_ FROM HOUSE OF _Demaenetus_. + +_Art._ + + Ain tu meum virum his potare, obsecro, cum filio + et ad amicam detulisse argenti viginti minas + meoque filio sciente id facere flagitium patrem? + + (_tempestuously_) What’s that, for heaven’s sake,--my + husband carousing here with his son, and brought eighty + pounds to a mistress, and my son conniving at such an + outrage on the part of his father, his father? + +_Par._ + + Neque divini neque mi humani posthac quicquam accreduas, + Artemona, si huius rei me esse mendacem inveneris. + + Never trust me in another thing divine or human, madam, if + you find I have misinformed you in this. + +_Art._ + + At scelesta ego praeter alios meum virum[29] frugi rata, + siccum, frugi, continentem, amantem uxoris maxume. + + But oh dear me! I thought my husband was the very paragon + of men, a sober man, a worthy, moral man that loved his wife + devotedly. + +_Par._ + + At nunc dehinc scito illum ante omnes minimi mortalem preti, + madidum, nihili, incontinentem atque osorem uxoris suae. + + But from now on you must realize that he is the very scum of + the earth, a toping man, a worthless, immoral man that hates + the wife of his bosom. + +_Art._ + + Pol ni istaec vera essent, numquam faceret ea quae nunc facit. 860 + + Mercy yes! unless all that was true, he would never be + acting as he does now. + +_Par._ + + Ego quoque hercle illum antehac hominem semper sum frugi ratus, + verum hoc facto sese ostendit, qui quidem cum filio + potet una atque una amicam ductet, decrepitus senex. + + I always thought he was a worthy man myself before to-day, + upon my soul I did: but now he shows himself in his true + colours--carousing with his own son and sharing his mistress + with him, the old ruin! + +_Art._ + + Hoc ecastor est quod ille it ad cenam cottidie. + ait sese ire ad Archidemum, Chaeream, Chaerestratum, + Cliniam, Chremem, Cratinum, Diniam, Demosthenem: + is apud scortum corruptelae est liberis, lustris studet. + + Good gracious! This explains his going out to dinner every + day! He with his tales of going to dine with Archidemus, + Chaerea, Chaerestratus, Clinia, Chremes, Cratinus, Dinias, + Demosthenes--and all the time corrupting his children at a + harlot’s, haunting houses of ill fame! + +_Par._ + + Quin tu illum iubes ancillas rapere sublimen domum? + + Why not tell your maids to pick him up and take him off home? + +_Art._ + + Tace modo. ne ego illum ecastor miserum habebo. + + You just keep still. Oh, but I’ll make life miserable for + him, I swear I will! + +_Par._ + + Ego istuc scio, + ita fore illi dum quidem cum illo nupta eris. + + I have no doubt about that, just as long as he is your + husband. + +_Art._ + + Ego censeo. 870 + eum[30] etiam hominem in senatu dare operam aut clientibus, + ibi labore delassatum noctem totam stertere: + ille opere foris faciendo lassus noctu ad me advenit; + fundum alienum arat, incultum familiarem deserit. + is etiam corruptus porro suom corrumpit filium. + + (_too irate to notice unflattering accent_) Yes, indeed! He + busy in the Senate or helping his clients! He wearied out + by his labours there, there, that he spends the whole night + snoring! It is business away from home that makes him turn + up at night all weary--the business of ploughing other + people’s fields and leaving his own uncultivated. Corrupt + himself, he actually goes on and corrupts his own son. + +_Par._ + + Sequere hac me modo, iam faxo ipsum hominem manifesto opprimas. + + Just follow me this way: I’ll soon make you drop on our + gentleman in the very act. + +_Art._ + + Nihil ecastor est quod facere mavelim. + + Ah-h-h! There’s nothing I’d like better! + +_Par._ + + Mane dum. + + Hm! wait! (_goes quietly to Cleareta’s door, peeps in and + comes back_) + +_Art._ + + Quid est? + + What’s the matter? + +_Par._ + + Possis, si forte accubantem tuom virum conspexeris + cum corona amplexum amicam, si videas, cognoscere? + + If you happened to spy your husband stretched out on a + banquet couch with a garland on and a girl in his arms--if + you saw him, could you recognize him? + +_Art._ + + Possum ecastor. + + Indeed I can! + +_Par._ + + Em tibi hominem. + + (_taking her cautiously to the door_) Behold your man! + +_Art._ + + Perii. + + (_peeping_) Dreadful, dreadful! + +_Par._ + + Paulisper mane. 880 + aucupemus ex insidiis clanculum quam rem gerant. + + (_drawing her aside_) Wait a bit! Let’s lie in ambush and + spy what’s going on without being seen. + +_Argyr._ + + Quid modi, pater, amplexando facies? + + (_resentfully_) Father! When is that hug going to end? + +_Dem._ + + Fateor, gnate mi-- + + (_somewhat embarrassed_) I admit, my dear boy,-- + +_Argyr._ + + Quid fatere? + + Admit what? + +_Dem._ + + Me ex amore huius corruptum oppido. + + That this lady is altogether too much for my sense of + decorum. + +_Par._ + + Audin quid ait? + + (_to Artemona_) Do you hear what he says? + +_Art._ + + Audio. + + I hear! + +_Dem._ + + Egon ut non domo uxori meae + subripiam in deliciis pallam quam habet, atque ad te deferam? + non edepol conduci possum vita uxoris annua. + + (_to Philaenium_) Not steal my wife’s pet mantle from home + and bring it to you? By heaven, I couldn’t be hired not to-- + not if she should die within the year. + +_Par._ + + Censen tu illum hodie primum ire adsuetum esse in ganeum? + + (_to Artemona_) Do you think to-day is the first time that + gentleman has used such resorts? + +_Art._ + + Ille ecastor suppilabat me, quod ancillas meas + suspicabar atque insontis miseras cruciabam. + + Mercy on us! So he was the thief all those times I suspected + my maids, yes, and tortured the poor innocent things. + +_Argyr._ + + Pater, + iube dari vinum; iam dudum factum est cum primum bibi. 890 + + Tell them to set the wine going, father; it seems an age + since I had my first drink. + +_Dem._ + + Da, puere, ab summo. age, tu interibi ab infimo da savium. + + (_to servant_) Boy, send round the wine from the head of the + table. (_to Philaenium_) Come, my dear, meanwhile you send + round a naughty, naughty kiss from the foot. (_Philaenium + obeys_) + +_Art._ + + Perii misera, ut osculatur carnufex, capuli decus. + + Oh-h-h! Good heavens! The way he kisses, the villain, fit + only to grace a coffin! + +_Dem._ + + Edepol animam suaviorem aliquanto quam uxoris meae. + + My word! Rather sweeter breath than my wife’s! + +_Phil._ + + Dic amabo, an fetet anima uxoris tuae? + + Do tell me, there’s a dear--your wife’s breath isn’t bad, + is it? + +_Dem._ + + Nauteam + bibere malim, si necessum sit, quam illam oscularier. + + I’d rather drink bilge water, if it came to that, than kiss + her. + +_Art._ + + Ain tandem? edepol ne tu istuc cum malo magno tuo + dixisti in me. sine, revenias modo domum, faxo ut scias + quid pericli sit dotatae uxori vitium dicere. + + (_aside_) So? You would, would you? Good gracious, sir, that + fling at me will cost you dear. Very well! just you come + back home, sir! I’ll show you the danger of vilifying a wife + with money. + +_Phil._ + + Miser ecastor es. + + Goodness me, you poor thing! + +_Art._ + + Ecastor dignus est. + + (_aside_) Goodness me, he deserves to be! + +_Argyr._ + + Quid ais, pater? + ecquid matrem amas? + + Look here, father. Do you love my mother? + +_Dem._ + + Egone illam? nunc amo, quia non adest. 900 + + Love her? I? I love her now for not being near. + +_Argyr._ + + Quid cum adest? + + And when she is near? + +_Dem._ + + Periisse cupio. + + I yearn for a death in the family. + +_Par._ + + Amat homo hic te, ut praedicat. + + (_to Artemona_) This gentleman is fond of you, it seems. + +_Art._ + + Ne illa ecastor faenerato funditat: nam si domum + redierit hodie. osculando ego ulciscar potissimum. + + (_aside_) Oh-h-h! won’t he pay interest on that flow of + words! Just let him come back home to-day, and that will be + my favourite method of revenge--kissing him. + +_Argyr._ + + Iace, pater, talos, ut porro nos iaciamus. + + (_pushing some dice toward Demaenetus_) Your throw, father: + come, so that I can take my turn. + +_Dem._ + + Maxime. + te, Philaenium, mihi atque uxoris mortem, hoc Venerium est. + pueri, plaudite et mi ob iactum cantharo mulsum date. + + By all means. (_as he throws_) Here’s to you for me, + Philaenium, and my wife for the tomb! (_looking at throw_) + Ha! The Venus![F] (_to servants_) A cheer, lads, and some + mead from the tankard for that throw! + + [Footnote F: The highest throw.] + +_Art._ + + Non queo durare. + + (_aside to Parasite_) This is intolerable! + +_Par._ + + Si non didicisti fulloniam, + non mirandum est.[31] in oculos invadi optumum est. + + (_aside to Artemona_) No wonder, if you never learned the + fuller’s[G] trade. Your best plan is to make a dash for his + eyes. + + [Footnote G: Fullers being accustomed to unpleasant + smells.] + +_Art._ + + Ego pol vivam et tu istaec hodie cum tuo magno + malo invocavisti. + + (_bursting into house_) My heavens, sir, I will live, + and you shall pay dear for that petition of yours just now! + (_tableau_) + +_Par._ + + Ecquis currit pollictorem accersere? 910 + + (_gleefully_) Run, some one, and fetch the undertaker! + +_Argyr._ + + Mater, salve. + + (_innocently_) How do you do, mother? + +_Art._ + + Sat salutis. + + Enough of your how d’ye do-ing! + +_Par._ + + Mortuost Demaenetus. + tempus est subducere hinc me; pulchre hoc gliscit proelium. + ibo ad Diabolum, mandata dicam facta ut voluerit, + atque interea ut decumbamus suadebo, hi dum litigant. + + (_aside_) Demaenetus is dead. Time for me to retire from the + scene; the battle waxes finely. I’ll off to Diabolus and + tell him his mandates are executed to the letter, yes, and + suggest our taking dinner meantime, while they fight it out. + + poste demum huc cras adducam ad lenam, ut viginti minas + ei det, in partem hac amanti ut liceat ei potirier. + Argyrippus exorari spero poterit, ut sinat + sese alternas cum illo noctes hac frui. nam ni impetro, + regem perdidi: ex amore tantum est homini incendium. + + Then to-morrow when it’s over I’ll bring him back to the + Madame so that he may give her the eighty pounds and get her + permission for his fond self to go shares in the girl here. + I do hope Argyrippus can be induced to let him have her half + the time. For if I don’t get so much out of him, I have lost + a patron--all one blaze of love, as the fellow is. + [EXIT _Parasite._ + +_Art._ + + Quid tibi hunc receptio ad te est meum virum? + + (_to Philaenium_) What do you mean by receiving this man at + your house--my husband? + +_Phil._ + + Pol me quidem 920 + miseram odio enicavit. + + Dear, dear! Why, I’m fairly bored to death by him, for my + part. + +_Art._ + + Surge, amator, i domum. + + (_standing over Demaenetus_) Get up, my gallant; home with + you! + +_Dem._ + + Nullus sum. + + (_half aside, afraid to move_) I’m a dead man! + +_Art._ + + Immo es, ne nega, omnium unus pol nequissimus. + at etiam cubat cuculus. surge amator, i domum. + + Good gracious, no! You’re the vilest man living, and you + needn’t deny it. But he’s roosting there still, the cuckoo! + Get up, my gallant; home with you! + +_Dem._ + + Vae mihi. + + (_half aside_) Oh, I’m in for it! + +_Art._ + + Vera hariolare. surge, amator, i domum. + + You are a true prophet. Get up, my gallant; home with you! + +_Dem._ + + Abscede ergo paululum istuc. + + Well then, do stand a bit farther off. + +_Art._ + + Surge, amator, i domum. + + Get up, my gallant; home with you! + +_Dem._ + + Iam obsecro, uxor. + + For heaven’s sake now, my dear! + +_Art._ + + Nunc uxorem me esse meministi tuam? + modo, cum dicta in me ingerebas, odium, non uxor eram. + + Now you recollect that I am your dear, do you? A moment + ago, when you were saying things about me, I was your + abomination, not your dear. + +_Dem._ + + Totus perii. + + (_half aside_) It’s all up with me, absolutely! + +_Art._ + + Quid tandem? anima fetetne uxoris tuae? + + You really meant it, did you? Your dear’s breath smells, + does it? + +_Dem._ + + Murram olet. + + (_hastily_) Smells of myrrh, myrrh! + +_Art._ + + Iam subrupuisti pallam, quam scorto dares? + + (_ironically_) Have you stolen the mantle yet to give + this creature? + +_Phil._ + + Ecastor qui subrupturum pallam promisit tibi. 930 + + He promised he would steal it from you, indeed he did! + +_Dem._ + + Non taces? + + (_aside to Philaenium_) Shut up, won’t you? + +_Argyr._ + + Ego dissuadebam, mater. + + I tried to dissuade him, mother. + +_Art._ + + Bellum filium. + istoscine patrem aequom est mores liberis largirier? + nilne te pudet? + + A pretty son! (_to Demaenetus_) Is this the way for a father + to edify his children? Is there nothing you’re ashamed of? + (_helps him off the couch by the ear_) + +_Dem._ + + Pol, si aliud nil sit, tui me, uxor, pudet. + + Oh Lord! You make me ashamed, my dear, if nothing else would. + +_Art._ + + Cano capite te cuculum uxor ex lustris rapit. + + (_guiding him toward the door_) It’s your dear that is + dragging you from this den of vice, your hoary-headed cuckoo! + +_Dem._ + + Non licet manere--cena coquitur--dum cenem modo? + + Mayn’t I stay--dinner’s being cooked--just till I’ve dined? + +_Art._ + + Ecastor cenabis hodie, ut dignus es, magnum malum. + + Good heavens, sir! You shall dine as you deserve today--on + dire distress. + +_Dem._ + + Male cubandum est: iudicatum me uxor abducit domum. + + (_aside_) It’s a poorish night I’m in for: here I am + sentenced, and my wife leading me off--home. (_Argyrippus + and Philaenium follow them to door_) + +_Argyr._ + + Dicebam, pater, tibi, ne matri consuleres male. + + I kept telling you, father, not to play any tricks on mother. + +_Phil._ + + De palla memento, amabo. + + Remember about the mantle, there’s a dear! + +_Dem._ + + Iuben hanc hinc abscedere? + + (_to wife_) Tell her to get out of here, won’t you? + +_Art._ + + I domum. + + (_jerking him along_) Home with you! + +_Phil._ + + Da savium etiam prius quam abis. + + Do give me another naughty, naughty kiss before we part. + +_Dem._ + + I in crucem. 940 + + Go to hell! + +_Phil._ + + Immo intro potius. sequere hac me, mi anime. + + Oh no, inside, instead, (_to Argyrippus, as she goes back + inside_) Come along with me, darling. + +_Argyr._ + + Ego vero sequor. + + Indeed I will. [EXEUNT OMNES. + + + + +GREX + + EPILOGUE + + (_Spoken by the Company_) + + Hic senex si quid clam uxorem suo animo fecit volup, + neque novum neque mirum fecit nec secus quam alii solent; + nec quisquam est tam ingenio duro nec tam firmo pectore, + quin ubi quicque occasionis sit sibi faciat bene. + nunc si voltis deprecari huic seni ne vapulet, + remur impetrari posse, plausum si clarum datis. + + If this old gentleman has indulged his inclinations a bit + without informing his wife, he has done nothing new or + strange, or different from what other men ordinarily do. + No one has such an iron nature, such an unyielding heart, + as not to do himself a good turn whenever he has any chance. + So now in case you wish to beg the old fellow off from a + beating, we opine that you can succeed, if you--give us some + loud applause. + + * * * * * + + [Footnote 1: Leo brackets following v., 25-26: + _ita me obstinate adgressu’s, ut non audeam_ + _profecto, percontanti quin promam omnia._] + + [Footnote 2: Leo brackets following v., 33: + _ubi flent nequam homines, qui polentam pinsitant._] + + [Footnote 3: Corrupt (Leo): _obsequellam_ MSS: + _obsequellam eam_ Acidalius.] + + [Footnote 4: Leo brackets following v., 77: + _volo amori obsecutum illius, volo amet me patrem._] + + [Footnote 5: Corrupt (Leo): _venari autem rete iaculo_ MSS: + _reti, iaculo venari autem_ Vahlen.] + + [Footnote 6: Leo notes lacuna here: _atqui ibi_ MSS: + _ibo atque ibi_ Camerarius.] + + [Footnote 7: Corrupt (Leo): _experiri_ MSS: _experi_ Skutsch.] + + [Footnote 8: Leo brackets following v., 252: + _igitur inveniundo argento ut fingeres fallaciam._] + + [Footnote 9: Leo notes lacuna here: _istuc_ MSS: + _istuc, istuc_ Palmer.] + + [Footnote 10: Corrupt (Leo): _exasciato_ Acidalius: + _exasceatum_ MSS.] + + [Footnote 11: Leo notes lacuna here: _da_ MSS: + _dare_ Fleckeisen.] + + [Footnote 12: Leo brackets following vv., 480-483: + + _in ius voco te._ + Leon. + _Non eo._ + Merc. + _Non is? memento._ + Leon. + _Memini._ + Merc. + _Dabitur pol supplicum mihi de tergo vostro._ + Leon. + _Vae te_ + _tibi quidem supplicum, carnufex de nobis detur?_ + Merc. + _Atque etiam_ + _pro dictis vostris maledicis poenae pendentur mi hodie._] + + [Footnote 13: _etiam nunc dico_ MSS: Lindsay excises _nunc dico._] + + [Footnote 14: Leo brackets following v., 508: + + Cle. + _An decorum est adversari meis te praeceptis?_ + Phil. + _Quid est?_ ] + + [Footnote 15: Corrupt (Leo): _nobis_ excised by Bothe.] + + [Footnote 16: _quo est_ Leo: not in MSS.] + + [Footnote 17: Leo brackets following v., 547: + _scapularam confidentia, virtute ulmorum freti._] + + [Footnote 18: _advorsum stetimus_ Ussing: + _qui advorsum stimulos_ MSS.] + + [Footnote 19: _Inductoresque_ Acidalius and others: + _indoctoresque_ MSS.] + + [Footnote 20: Leo brackets following v., 552-- + _qui saepe ante in nostras scapulas cicatrices indiderunt_-- + and assumes lacuna following.] + + [Footnote 21: Corrupt (Leo): _collegae_ MSS: _collegae mei_ Leo.] + + [Footnote 22: Leo brackets following v., 570: + _ubi periuraris, ubi sacro manus sis admolitus._] + + [Footnote 23: Leo brackets following v., 573: + _ubi amicae quam amico tuo fueris magis fidelis._] + + [Footnote 24: Corrupt (Leo): _interioris_ MSS: _interior_ Bothe.] + + [Footnote 25: Corrupt (Leo): _atque ad me adgredire_ Langen.] + + [Footnote 26: Leo notes slight lacuna here: + _amicae suae_ Gulielmius.] + + [Footnote 27: Leo brackets following v., 828, 829: + + Argyr. + _Age, decumbamus sis, pater._ + Dem. + _Ut iusseris,_ + _mi gnate, ita fiet._ + Argyr. + _Pueri, mensam adponite._ + + _Argyr._ + Come father, let’s take our places, please. + _Dem._ + Just as you say, my dear boy. + _Argyr._ (_to slaves_) + Bring the table, my lads. ] + + [Footnote 28: _et_ Pius: _ut_ MSS.] + + [Footnote 29: Corrupt (Leo): _fui_ Pylades: _fueram_ Leo.] + + [Footnote 30: Corrupt (Leo). _hominem (aut)_ Camerarius.] + + [Footnote 31: _non mirandumst_, (_Artemona._ Art.). _In_ Havet.] + + * * * * * + +[Transcriber’s Corrections: _Asinaria_ (_The Comedy of Asses_) + + Prologue, l. 11 + Maccus vortit barbare + Maccus translated it + spelling of name unchanged + + II. 2. + not with a chariot and four, white horses + punctuation unchanged + + II. 3. + He’ll be here soon, I fancy. + text reads _soon, I, fancy._ + + II. 4. + _Trader_: ... I don’t know, by gad. + text reads _know by, gad._ ] + + * * * * * + * * * * + * * * * * + + +AULULARIA + + THE POT OF GOLD + + + * * * * * + +ARGVMENTVM I + +ARGUMENT OF THE PLAY (I) + + Senex avarus vix sibi credens Euclio + domi suae defossam multis cum opibus + aulam invenit, rursumque penitus conditam + exanguis amens servat. eius filiam + Lyconides vitiarat. interea senex + Megadorus a sorore suasus ducere + uxorem avari gnatam deposcit sibi. + + A miserly old man named Euclio, a man who would hardly trust + his very self, on finding a pot full of treasure buried + within his house, hides it away again deep in the ground, + and, beside himself with terror, keeps watch over it. His + daughter had been wronged by Lyconides. Meanwhile an old + gentleman, one Megadorus, is persuaded by his sister to + marry, and asks the miser for his daughter’s hand. + + durus senex vix promittit, atque aulae timens + domo sublatam variis abstrudit locis. + insidias servos facit huius Lyconidis + qui virginem vitiarat; atque ipse obsecrat 10 + avonculum Megadorum sibimet cedere + uxorem amanti. per dolum mox Euclio + cum perdidisset aulam, insperato invenit + laetusque natam conlocat Lyconidi. + + The dour old fellow at length consents, and, fearing for his + pot, takes it from the house and hides it in one place after + another. The servant of this Lyconides, the man who had + wronged the girl, plots against the miser; and Lyconides + himself entreats his uncle, Megadorus, to give up the girl, + and let him, the man that loves her, marry her. After a time + Euclio, who had been tricked out of his pot, recovers it + unexpectedly and joyfully bestows his daughter upon + Lyconides. + + +ARGVMENTVM II + + ARGUMENT OF THE PLAY (II) + + *A*ulam repertam auri plenam Euclio + *V*i summa servat, miseris adfectus modis. + *L*yconides istius vitiat filiam. + *V*olt hanc Megadorus indotatam ducere, + *L*ubensque ut faciat dat coquos cum obsonio. + *A*uro formidat Euclio, abstrudit foris. + *R*e omni inspecta compressoris servolus + *I*d surpit. illic Euclioni rem refert. + *A*b eo donatur auro, uxore et filio. + + Euclio, on finding a pot full of gold, is dreadfully + worried, and watches over it with the greatest vigilance. + Lyconides wrongs his daughter. This girl, undowered though + she is, Megadorus wishes to marry, and he cheerfully + supplies cooks and provisions for the wedding feast. Anxious + about his gold, Euclio hides it outside the house. + Everything he does having been witnessed, a rascally servant + of the girl’s assailant steals it. His master informs + Euclio of it, and receives from him gold, wife, and son. + + + + +PERSONAE. + + DRAMATIS PERSONAE + + LAR FAMILIARIS PROLOGVS + EVCLIO SENEX + STAPHYLA ANVS + EVNOMIA MATRONA + MEGADORVS SENEX + PYTHODICVS SERVVS + CONGRIO COCVS + ANTHRAX COCVS + STROBILVS SERVVS + LYCONIDES ADVLESCENS + PHAEDRIA PVELLA + TIBICINAE + + THE HOUSEHOLD GOD OF EUCLIO, _the Prologue._ + EUCLIO, _an old gentleman of Athens._ + STAPHYLA, _his old slave._ + EUNOMIA, _a lady of Athens_ + MEGADORUS, _an old gentleman of Athens, Eunomia’s brother._ + PYTHODICUS, _his slave_ + CONGRIO, _cook._ + ANTHRAX, _cook._ + STROBILUS, _slave of Lyconides._ + LYCONIDES, _a young gentleman of Athens, Eunomia’s son._ + PHAEDRIA, _Euclio’s daughter._ + MUSIC GIRLS. + + + + + _Scene:--Athens. A street on which are the houses of + Euclio and Megadorus, a narrow lane between them, in + front an altar._ + + +PROLOGVS + + PROLOGUE + +LAR FAMILIARIS + + SPOKEN BY EUCLIO’S HOUSEHOLD GOD + + Ne quis miretur qui sim, paucis eloquar + ego Lar sum familiaris ex hac familia + unde exeuntem me aspexistis. hanc domum + iam multos annos est cum possideo et colo + patri avoque iam huius qui nunc hic habet + sed mi avos huius obsecrans concredidit + thensaurum auri clam omnis. in medio foco + defodit, venerans me ut id servarem sibi. + + That no one may wonder who I am, I shall inform you briefly. + I am the Household God of that family from whose house you + saw me come. For many years now I have possessed this + dwelling, and preserved it for the sire and grandsire of its + present occupant. Now this man’s grandsire as a suppliant + entrusted to me, in utter secrecy, a hoard of gold: he + buried it in the centre of the hearth, entreating me to + guard it for him. + + is quoniam moritur--ita avido ingenio fuit-- + numquam indicare id filio voluit suo, 10 + inopemque optavit potius eum relinquere, + quam eum thensaurum commonstraret filio; + agri reliquit ei non magnum modum, + quo cum labore magno et misere viveret. + + When he died he could not bear--so covetous was he--to + reveal its existence to his own son, and he chose to leave + him penniless rather than apprise him of this treasure. Some + land, a little only, he did leave him, whereon to toil and + moil for a miserable livelihood. + + Ubi is obiit mortem qui mihi id aurum credidit, + coepi observare, ecqui maiorem filus + mihi honorem haberet quam eius habuisset pater. + atque ille vero minus minusque impendio + curare minusque me impertire honoribus. + item a me contra factum est, nam item obiit diem. 20 + is ex se hunc reliquit qui hic nunc habitat filium + pariter moratum ut pater avosque huius fuit. + + After the death of him who had committed the gold to my + keeping, I began to observe whether the son would hold me in + greater honour than his father had. As a matter of fact, his + neglect grew and grew apace, and he showed me less honour. + I did the same by him: so he also died. He left a son who + occupies this house at present, a man of the same mould as + his sire and grandsire. + + huic filia una est. ea mihi cottidie + aut ture aut vino aut aliqui semper supplicat, + dat mihi coronas. eius honoris gratia + feci, thensaurum ut hic reperiret Euclio, + quo illam facilius nuptum, si vellet, daret + nam eam compressit de summo adulescens loco. + is scit adulescens quae sit quam compresserit, + illa illum nescit, neque compressam autem pater. 30 + + He has one daughter. She prays to me constantly, with + daily gifts of incense, or wine, or something; she gives me + garlands. Out of regard for her I caused Euclio to discover + the treasure here in order that he might the more easily + find her a husband, if he wished. For she has been ravished + by a young gentleman of very high rank. He knows who it is + that he has wronged; who he is she does not know, and as for + her father, he is ignorant of the whole affair. + + Eam ego hodie faciam ut hic senex de proxumo + sibi uxorem poscat. id ea faciam gratia, + quo ille eam facilius ducat qui compresserat. + et hic qui poscet eam sibi uxorem senex, + is adulescentis illius est avonculus, + qui illam stupravit noctu, Cereris vigiliis. + + I shall make the old gentleman who lives next door + here (_pointing_) ask for her hand to-day. My reason for so + doing is that the man who wronged her may marry her the more + easily. And the old gentleman who is to ask for her hand is the + uncle of the young gentleman who violated her by night + at the festival of Ceres. + + sed hic senex iam clamat intus ut solet. + anum foras extrudit, ne sit conscia. + credo aurum inspicere volt, ne subreptum siet. + + (_an uproar in Euclio’s house_) But there is old Euclio + clamouring within as usual, and turning his ancient servant + out of doors lest she learn his secret. I suppose he wishes + to look at his gold and see that it is not stolen. [EXIT. + + + + +ACTVS I + + ACT I + + +_Eucl._ + + Exi, inquam. age exi. exeundum hercle tibi hinc est foras, 40 + circumspectatrix cum oculis emissicus. + + (_within_) Out with you, I say! Come now, out with you! By + the Lord, you’ve got to get out of here, you snook-around, + you, with your prying and spying. + + ENTER _Staphyla_ FROM _Euclio’s_ HOUSE, FOLLOWED BY _Euclio_ + WHO IS PUSHING AND BEATING HER. + +_Staph._ + + Nam cur me miseram verberas? + + (_groaning_) Oh, what makes you go a-hitting a poor wretch + like me, sir? + +_Eucl._ + + Ut misera sis + atque ut te dignam mala malam aetatem exigas. + + (_savagely_) To make sure you are a poor wretch, so as to + give a bad lot the bad time she deserves. + +_Staph._ + + Nam qua me nunc causa extrusisti ex aedibus? + + Why, what did you push me out of the house for now? + +_Eucl._ + + Tibi ego rationem reddam, stimulorum seges? + illuc regredere ab ostio. illuc sis vide, + ut incedit. at scin quo modo tibi res se habet? + si hercle hodie fustem cepero aut stimulum in manum, + testudineum istum tibi ego grandibo gradum. + + I give my reasons to you, you,--you patch of beats, you? + Over there with you, (_pointing_) away from the door! + (_Staphyla hobbles to place indicated_) Just look at her, + will you,--how she creeps along! See here, do you know + what’11 happen to you? Now by heaven, only let me lay my + hand on a club or a stick and I’ll accelerate that tortoise + crawl for you! + +_Staph._ + + Utinam me divi adaxint ad suspendium 50 + potius quidem quam hoc pacto apud te servium. + + (_aside_) Oh, I wish Heaven would make me hang myself, I do! + Better that than slaving it for you at this rate, I’m sure. + +_Eucl._ + + At ut scelesta sola secum murmurat + oculos hercle ego istos, improba, ecfodiam tibi, + ne me observare possis quid rerum geram + abscede etiam nunc--etiam nunc--etiam--ohe. + + (_aside_) Hear the old criminal mumbling away to herself, + though! (_aloud_) Ah! those eyes of yours, you old sinner! + By heaven, I’ll dig ’em out for you. I will, so that you + can’t keep watching me whatever I do. Get farther off + still! still farther! still--Whoa! + + istic astato. si hercle tu ex istoc loco + digitum transvorsum aut unguem latum excesseris + aut si respexis, donicum ego te iussero, + continuo hercle ego te dedam discipulam cruci. + + Stand there! You budge a finger’s breadth a nail’s breadth + from that spot; you so much as turn your head till I say + the word, and by the Almighty, the next minute I’ll send + you to the gallows for a lesson, so I will. + + scelestiorem me hac anu certo scio 60 + vidisse numquam, nimisque ego hanc metuo male, + ne mi ex insidiis verba imprudent duit + neu persentiscat aurum ubi est absconditum, + quae in occipitio quoque habet oculos pessima. + nunc ibo ut visam sitne ita aurum ut condidi, + quod me sollicitat plurimis miserum modis. + + (_aside_) A worse reprobate than this old crone I never did + see, no, never. Oh, but how horribly scared I am she’ll come + some sly dodge on me when I’m not expecting it, and smell + out the place where the gold is hidden. She has eyes in the + very back of her head, the hell-cat. Now I’ll just go see if + the gold is where I hid it. Dear, dear, it worries the life + out of me! [EXIT _Euclio_ INTO HOUSE. + +_Staph._ + + Noenum mecastor quid ego ero dicam meo + malae rei evenisse quamve insaniam, + queo comminisci; ita me miseram ad hunc modum + decies die uno saepe extrudit aedibus. 70 + nescio pol quae illunc hominem intemperiae tenent; + pervigilat noctes totas, tum autem interdius + quasi claudus sutor domi sedet totos dies. + + Mercy me! What’s come over master, what crazy streak he’s + got, I can’t imagine,--driving a poor woman out of the house + this way ten times a day, often. Goodness gracious, what + whim-whams the man’s got into his head I don’t see. Never + shuts his eyes all night: yes, and then in the daytime he’s + sitting around the house the whole livelong day, for all the + world like a lame cobbler. + + neque iam quo pacto celem erilis filiae + probrum, propinqua partitudo cui appetit, + queo comminisci; neque quicquam meliust mihi, + ut opinor, quam ex me ut unam faciam litteram + longam, meum laqueo collum quando obstrinxero. + + How I’m going to hide the young mistress’s disgrace now is + beyond me, and she with her time so near. There’s nothing + better for me to do, as I see, than tie a rope round my neck + and dangle myself out into one long capital I. + + +I. 2. + + Scene 2. + + RE-ENTER _Euclio_ FROM HOUSE. + +_Eucl._ + + Nunc defaecato demum animo egredior domo, + postquam perspexi salva esse intus omnia. 80 + redi nunciam intro atque intus serva. + + (_aside_) At last I can feel easy about leaving the house, + now I have made certain everything is all right inside. + (_to Staphyla_) Go back in there this instant, you, and keep + watch inside. + +_Staph._ + + Quippini? + ego intus servem? an ne quis aedes auferat? + nam hic apud nos nihil est aliud quaesti furibus, + ita inaniis sunt oppletae atque araneis. + + (_tartly_) I suppose so! So I’m to keep watch inside, am I? + You aren’t afraid anyone’ll walk away with the house, are + you? I vow we’ve got nothing else there for thieves to take-- + all full of emptiness as it is, and cobwebs. + +_Eucl._ + + Mirum quin tua me causa faciat Iuppiter + Philippum regem aut Dareum, trivenefica + araneas mihi ego illas servari volo. + pauper sum, fateor, patior, quod di dant fero. + + It is surprising Providence wouldn’t make a King Philip + or Darius of me for your benefit, you viper, you! + (_threateningly_) I want those cobwebs watched! I’m poor, + poor; I admit it, I put up with it; I take what the gods + give me. + + abi intro, occlude ianuam. iam ego hic ero + cave quemquam alienum in aedis intro miseris 90 + quod quispiam ignem quaerat, extingui volo, + ne causae quid sit quod te quisquam quaeritet + nam si ignis vivet, ut extinguere extempulo. + + In with you, bolt the door. I shall be back soon. No + outsider is to be let in, mind you. And in case anyone + should be looking for a light, see you put the fire out + so that no one will have any reason to come to you for it. + Mark my words, if that fire stays alive, I’ll extinguish + you instantly. + + tum aquam aufugisse dicito, si quis petet. + cultrum, securim, pistillum, mortarium, + quae utenda vasa semper vicini rogant, + fures venisse atque abstulisse dicito + profecto in aedis meas me absente neminem + volo intro mitti. atque etiam hoc praedico tibi + si Bona Fortuna veniat, ne intro miseris 100 + + And then water--if anyone asks for water, tell him it’s + all run out. As for a knife, or an axe, or a pestle, or a + mortar,--things the neighbours are all the time wanting to + borrow--tell ’em burglars got in and stole the whole lot. + I won’t have a living soul let into my house while I’m + agone--there! Yes, and what’s more, listen here, if Dame + Fortune herself comes along, don’t you let her in. + +_Staph._ + + Pol ea ipsa credo ne intro mittatur cavet, + nam ad aedis nostras numquam adit, quamquam prope est. + + Goodness me, she won’t get in: she’ll see to that herself, + I fancy. Why, she never comes to our house at all, no matter + how near she is. + +_Eucl._ + + Tace atque abi intro. + + Keep still and go inside. (_advances on her_) + +_Staph._ + + Taceo atque abeo. + + (_hurrying out of reach_) I’m still, sir, I’m going! + +_Eucl._ + + Occlude sis + fores ambobus pessulis. iam ego hic ero. + + Mind you lock the door, both bolts. I’ll soon be back. + [EXIT _Staphyla_ INTO HOUSE. + + discrucior animi, quia ab domo abeundum est mihi. + nimis hercle invitus abeo. sed quid agam scio. + nam noster nostrae qui est magister curiae + dividere argenti dixit nummos in viros, + id si relinquo ac non peto, omnes ilico + me suspicentur, credo habere aurum domi. 110 + nam non est veri simile, hominem pauperem + pauxillum parvi facere quin nummum petat. + + It’s agony having to leave the house, downright agony. + Oh my God, how I do hate to go! But I have my reasons. The + director of our ward gave notice he was going to make us a + present of two shillings a man; and the minute I let it pass + without putting in my claim, they’d all be suspecting I had + gold at home, I’m sure they would. No, it doesn’t look + natural for a poor man to think so little of even a tiny + bit of money as not to go ask for his two shillings. + + nam nunc cum celo sedulo omnis, ne sciant, + omnes videntur scire et me benignius + omnes salutant quam salutabant prius; + adeunt, consistunt, copulantur dexteras, + rogitant me ut valeam, quid agam, quid rerum geram. + nunc quo profectus sum ibo; postidea domum + me rursum quantum potero tantum recipiam. + + Why, even now, hard as I try to keep every one from finding + out, it seems as if every one knew: it seems as if every one + has a heartier way of saying good day than they used to. Up + they come, and stop, and shake hands, and keep asking me + how I’m feeling, and how I’m getting on, and what I’m doing. + Well, I must get along to where I’m bound; and then I’ll + come back home just as fast as I possibly can. + [EXIT _Euclio_ + + + + +ACTVS II + + ACT II + + + ENTER _Eunomia_ AND _Megadorus_ FROM LATTER’S HOUSE + +_Eun._ + + Velim te arbitrari med haec verba, frater, 120 + meai fidei tuaique rei + causa facere, ut aequom est germanam sororem. + quamquam haud falsa sum nos odiosas haberi; + nam multum loquaces merito omnes habemur, + nec mutam profecto repertam ullam esse + aut hodie dicunt mulierem aut ullo in saeclo. + + Brother, I do hope you’ll believe I say this out of my + loyalty to you and for your welfare, as a true sister + should. Of course I’m well enough aware you men think us + women are a bother; yes, awful chatterboxes--that’s the name + we all have, and (_ruefully_) it fits. And then that + common saying, “Never now, nor through the ages, never any + woman dumb.” + + verum hoc, frater, unum tamen cogitato, + tibi proximam me mihique esse item te; + ita aequom est quod in rem esse utrique arbitremur + et mihi te et tibi me consulere et monere; 130 + neque occultum id haberi neque per metum mussari, + quin participem pariter ego te et tu me ut facias, + eo nunc ego secreto ted huc foras seduxi, + ut tuam rem ego tecum hic loquerer familiarem. + + But just the same, do remember this one thing, brother,-- + that I am closer to you and you to me than anyone else in + the whole world. So both of us ought to advise and counsel + each other as to what we feel is to either’s advantage, not + keep such things back or be afraid to speak out openly, we + ought to confide in one another fully, you and I. This is + why I’ve taken you aside out here now--so that we can have + a quiet talk on a matter that concerns you intimately. + +_Mega._ + + Da mi, optuma femina, manum. + + (_warmly_) Let’s have your hand, you best of women! + +_Eun._ + + Ubi ea est? quis ea est nam optuma? + + (_pretending to look about_) Where is she? Who on earth is + that best of women? + +_Mega._ + + Tu. + + Yourself. + +_Eun._ + + Tune ais? + + You say that--you? + +_Mega._ + + Si negas, nego. + + (_banteringly_) Oh well, if you deny it-- + +_Eun._ + + Decet te equidem vera proloqui; + nam optuma nulla potest eligi: + alia alia peior, frater, est. + + Really now, you ought to be truthful. There’s no such + thing, you know, as picking out the best woman; it’s only a + question of comparative badness, brother. + +_Mega._ + + Idem ego arbitror, 140 + nec tibi advorsari certum est de istac re umquam, soror. + + My own opinion precisely. I’ll never differ with you there, + sister, you may count on that. + +_Eun._ + + Da mihi operam amabo. + + Now do give me your attention, there’s a dear. + +_Mega._ + + Tuast, utere atque impera, si quid vis. + + It is all your own; use me, command me--anything you wish. + +_Eun._ + + Id quod in rem tuam optumum esse arbitror, ted id monitum advento. + + I’m going to advise you to do something that I think will be + the very best thing in the world for you. + +_Mega_ + + Soror, more tuo facis. + + Quite like you, sister. + +_Eun._ + + Factum volo. + + I certainly hope so. + +_Mega._ + + Quid est id, soror? + + And what is this something, my dear? + +_Eun._ + + Quod tibi sempiternum + salutare sit: liberis procreandis-- + ita di faxint--volo te uxorem + domum ducere. + + Something that will make for your everlasting welfare. You + should have children. God grant you may!--and I want you to + marry. + +_Mega._ + + Ei occidi. + + Oh-h-h, murder! + +_Eun._ + + Quid ita? 150 + + How so? + +_Mega._ + + Quia mihi misero cerebrum excutiunt + tua dicta, soror: lapides loqueris. + + Well, you’re knocking my poor brains out with such a + proposition, my dear girl: you’re talking cobble-stones. + +_Eun._ + + Heia, hoc face quod te iubet soror. + + Now, now, do what your sister tells you. + +_Mega._ + + Si lubeat, faciam. + + I would, if it appealed to me. + +_Eun._ + + In rem hoc tuam est. + + It would be a good thing for you. + +_Mega._ + + Ut quidem emoriar prius quam ducam. + sed his legibus si quam dare vis ducam: + quae cras veniat, perendie foras feratur; + his legibus dare vis? cedo: nuptias adorna. + + Yes--to die before marrying. (_pause_) All right. I’ll marry + anyone you please, on this condition, though: her wedding + to-morrow, and her wake the day after. Still wish it, on + this condition? Produce her! Arrange for the + festivities! + +_Eun._ + + Cum maxima possum tibi, frater, dare dote; + sed est grandior natu: media est mulieris aetas. + eam si iubes, frater, tibi me poscere, poscam. 160 + + I can get you one with ever so big a dowry, dear. To be + sure, she’s not a young girl--middle-aged, as a matter of + fact. I’ll see about it for you, brother, if you want. + +_Mega._ + + Num non vis me interrogare te? + + You don’t mind my asking you a question, I dare say? + +_Eun._ + + Immo, si quid vis, roga. + + Why, of course not; anything you like. + +_Mega._ + + Post mediam aetatem qui media ducit uxorem domum, + si eam senex anum praegnatem fortuito fecerit, + quid dubitas, quin sit paratum nomen puero Postumus? + + Now supposing a man pretty well on in life marries a lady + of maturity and this aged female should happen to show + intentions of making the old fellow a father--can you doubt + but that the name in store for that youngster is Postumus?[A] + + [Footnote A: The last born, or born after the father’s + death.] + + nunc ego istum, soror, laborem demam et deminuam tibi. + ego virtute deum et maiorum nostrum dives sum satis. + istas magnas factiones, animos, dotes dapsiles, + clamores, imperia, eburata vehicla, pallas, purpuram, + nil moror quae in servitutem sumptibus redigunt viros. + + See here, sister, I’ll relieve you of all this and save + you trouble. I’m rich enough, thanks be to heaven and our + forbears. And I have no fancy at all for those ladies of + high station and hauteur and fat dowries, with their + shouting and their ordering and their ivory trimmed + carriages and their purple and fine linen that cost a + husband his liberty. + +_Eun._ + + Dic mihi, quaeso, quis ea est quam vis ducere uxorem? + + For mercy’s sake tell me who you do want to marry, then! + +_Mega._ + + Eloquar. 170 + nostin hunc senem Euclionem ex proximo pauperculum? + + I’m going to. You know the old gentleman--rather hard up, + poor fellow,--that lives next door, Euclio? + +_Eun._ + + Novi, hominem haud malum mecastor. + + Yes indeed. Why, he seems quite nice. + +_Mega._ + + Eius cupio filiam + virginem mihi desponderi. verba ne facias, soror. + scio quid dictura es: hanc esse pauperem. haec pauper placet. + + It’s his daughter--there’s the engagement I’m eager for. Now + don’t make a fuss, sister. I know what you’re about to say-- + that she’s poor. But this particular poor girl suits me. + +_Eun._ + + Di bene vortant. + + God’s blessing on your choice, dear! + +_Mega._ + + Idem ego spero. + + I trust so. + +_Eun._ + + Quid me? num quid vis? + + (_about to leave_) Well, there’s nothing I can do? + +_Mega._ + + Vale. + + Yes--take good care of yourself. + +_Eun._ + + Et tu, frater. + + You too, brother. [EXIT _Eunomia_. + +_Mega._ + + Ego conveniam Euclionem, si domi est. + sed eccum video. nescio unde sese homo recipit domum. + + Now for an interview with Euclio, if he’s at home. + (_looking down street_) Hullo, though! here he is! Just + getting back from somewhere or other. + + +II. 2. + + Scene 2. + + ENTER _Euclio._ + +_Eucl._ + + Praesagibat mi animus frustra me ire, quom exibam domo; + itaque abibam invitus; nam neque quisquam curialium + venit neque magister quem dividere argentum oportuit. 180 + nunc domum properare propero, nam egomet sum hic, animus domi est. + + (_without seeing Megadorus_) I knew it! Something told me I + was going on a fool’s errand when I left the house; that’s + why I hated to go. Why, there wasn’t a single man of our + ward there, or the director either, who ought to have + distributed the money. Now I’ll hurry up and hurry home: + I’m here in the body, but that’s where my mind is. + +_Mega._ + + Salvos atque fortunatus, Euclio, semper sies. + + (_advancing with outstretched hand_) Good day to you, + Euclio, yes, and the best of everything to you always! + +_Eucl._ + + Di te ament, Megadore. + + (_taking hand gingerly_) God bless you, Megadorus. + +_Mega._ + + Quid tu? recten atque ut vis vales? + + How goes it? All right, are you? Feeling as well as you + could wish? + +_Eucl._ + + Non temerarium est, ubi dives blande appellat pauperem. + iam illic homo aurum scit me habere, eo me salutat blandius. + + (_aside_) There’s something behind it when a rich man puts + on that smooth air with a poor one. Now that fellow knows + I’ve got gold: that’s why he’s so uncommon smooth with his + salutations. + +_Mega._ + + Ain tu te valere? + + You say you are well? + +_Eucl._ + + Pol ego haud perbene a pecunia. + + Heavens, no: I feel low, very low--in funds. + +_Mega._ + + Pol si est animus aequos tibi. sat habes qui bene vitam colas. + + (_cheerily_) Well, well, man, if you have a contented mind, + you’ve got enough to enjoy life with. + +_Eucl._ + + Anus hercle huic indicium fecit de auro, perspicue palam est. + cui ego iam linguam praecidam atque oculos effodiam domi. + + (_aside, frightened_) Oh, good Lord! The old woman has let + on to him about the gold! It’s discovered, clear as can be! + I’ll cut her tongue out, I’ll tear her eyes out, the minute + I get at her in the house! + +_Mega._ + + Quid tu solus tecum loquere? + + What is that you’re saying to yourself? + +_Eucl._ + + Meam pauperiem conqueror. 190 + virginem habeo grandem, dote cassam atque inlocabilem, + neque eam queo locare cuiquam. + + (_startled_) Just ... how awful it is to be poor. And I with + a grown-up girl, without a penny of dowry, that I can’t get + off my hands or find a husband for. + +_Mega._ + + Tace, bonum habe animum, Euclio. + dabitur, adiuvabere a me. dic, si quid opust, impera. + + (_clapping him on the back_) There, there, Euclio! Cheer up. + She shall be married: I’ll help you out. Come now, call on + me, if you need anything. + +_Eucl._ + + Nunc petit, cum pollicetur; inhiat aurum ut devoret. + altera manu fert lapidem, panem ostentat altera. + nemini credo qui large blandust dives pauperi + ubi manum inicit benigne, ibi onerat aliqua zamia + ego istos novi polypos, qui ubi quidquid tetigerunt tenent. + + (_aside_) When he agrees to give he wants to grab! Mouth + wide open to gobble down my gold! Holds up a bit of bread in + one hand and has a stone in the other! I don’t trust one of + these rich fellows when he’s so monstrous civil to a poor + man. They give you a cordial handshake, and squeeze + something out of you at the same time. I know all about + those octopuses that touch a thing and then--stick. + +_Mega._ + + Da mi operam parumper. paucis, Euclio, est quod te volo + de communi re appellare mea et tua. + + I should be glad to have a moment of your time, Euclio. + I want to have a brief talk with you on a matter that + concerns us both. + +_Eucl._ + + Ei misero mihi, 200 + aurum mi intus harpagatum est. nunc hic eam rem volt scio, + mecum adire ad pactionem. verum intervisam domum. + + (_aside_) Oh, God save us! My gold’s been hooked, and now he + wants to make a deal with me! I see it all! But I’ll go in + and look. (_hurries toward house_) + +_Mega._ + + Quo abis? + + Where are you off to? + +_Eucl._ + + Iam ad te revortar. nunc est quod visam domum. + + Just a moment!... I’ll be back ... the fact is ... I must + see to something at home. [EXIT INTO HOUSE. + +_Mega._ + + Credo edepol, ubi mentionem ego fecero de filia + mi ut despondeat, sese a me derideri rebitur, + neque illo quisquam est alter hodie ex paupertate parcior. + + By Jove! I suppose he’ll think I’m making fun of him when I + speak about his giving me his daughter; poverty never made a + fellow closer-fisted. + + RE-ENTER _Euclio_ + +_Eucl._ + + Di me servant, salva res est. salvom est si quid non perit + nimis male timui. prius quam intro redii, exanimatus fui. + redeo ad te, Megadore, si quid me vis. + + (_aside_) Thank the Lord, I’m saved! It’s safe--that is, if + it’s all there. Ah, but that was a dreadful moment! I nearly + expired before I got in the house. (_to Megadorus_) Here I + am, Megadorus, if you want anything of me. + +_Mega._ + + Habeo gratiam. + quaeso, quod te percontabor, ne id te pigeat pro loqui. 210 + + Thanks. Now I trust you won’t mind answering the questions + I’m going to ask. + +_Eucl._ + + Dum quidem ne quid perconteris quod non lubeat proloqui. + + (_cautiously_) No-no--that is, if you don’t ask any I don’t + like to answer. + +_Mega._ + + Dic mihi. quali me arbitrare genere prognatum? + + Frankly now, what do you think of my family connections? + +_Eucl._ + + Bono. + + (_grudgingly_) Good. + +_Mega._ + + Quid fide? + + And my sense of honour? + +_Eucl._ + + Bona. + + Good. + +_Mega._ + + Quid factis? + + And my general conduct? + +_Eucl._ + + Neque malis neque improbis. + + Not bad, not disreputable. + +_Mega._ + + Aetatem meam scis? + + You know my age? + +_Eucl._ + + Scio esse grandem, item ut pecuniam. + + Getting on, getting on, I know that--(_aside_) financially, too. + +_Mega._ + + Certe edepol equidem te civem sine mala omni malitia + semper sum arbitratus et nunc arbitror. + + Now Euclio, I’ve always considered you a citizen of the + true, trusty type, by Jove, I certainly have, and I do + still. + +_Eucl._ + + Aurum huic olet. + quid nunc me vis? + + (_aside_) He’s got a whiff of my gold. (_aloud_) Well, what + do you want? + +_Mega._ + + Quoniam tu me et ego te qualis sis scio. + quae res recte vortat mihique tibique tuaeque filiae, + filiam tuam mi uxorem posco. promitte hoc fore. + + Now that we appreciate each other, I’m going to ask you--and + may it turn out happily for you and your girl and me--to + give me your daughter in marriage. Promise you will. + +_Eucl._ + + Heia, Megadore, haud decorum facinus tuis factis facis, 220 + ut inopem atque innoxium abs te atque abs tuis me inrideas. + nam de te neque re neque verbis merui ut faceres quod facis. + + (_whining_) Now, now, Megadorus! This is unlike you, + unworthy of you, making fun of a poor man like me that never + harmed you or yours. Why, I never said or did a thing to you + to deserve being treated so. + +_Mega._ + + Neque edepol ego te derisum venio neque derideo, + neque dignum arbitror. + + Good Lord, man! I didn’t come here to make fun of you, and + I’m not making fun of you: I couldn’t think of such a thing. + +_Eucl._ + + Cur igitur poscis meam gnatam tibi? + + Then why are you asking for my daughter? + +_Mega._ + + Ut propter me tibi sit melius mihique propter te et tuos. + + Why? So that we may all of us make life pleasanter for one + another. + +_Eucl._ + + Venit hoc mihi, Megadore, in mentem, ted esse hominem divitem, + factiosum, me autem esse hominem pauperum pauperrimum; + nunc si filiam locassim meam tibi, in mentem venit + te bovem esse et me esse asellum: ubi tecum coniunctus siem, + ubi onus nequeam ferre pariter, iaceam ego asinus in luto, 230 + tu me bos magis haud respicias, gnatus quasi numquam siem. + + Now here’s the way it strikes me, Megadorus,--you’re a rich + man, a man of position: but as for me, I’m poor, awfully + poor, dreadfully poor. Now if I was to marry off my daughter + to you, it strikes me you’d be the ox and I’d be the donkey. + When I was hitched up with you and couldn’t pull my share of + the load, down I’d drop, I, the donkey, in the mud; and you, + the ox, wouldn’t pay any more attention to me than if I’d + never been born at all. + + et te utar iniquiore et meus me ordo inrideat, + neutrubi habeam stabile stabulum, si quid divorti fuat: + asini me mordicibus scindant, boves incursent cornibus. + hoc magnum est periclum, ab asinis ad boves transcendere. + + You would be too much for me: and my own kind would haw-haw + at me: and if there should be a falling out, neither party + would let me have stable quarters: the donkeys would chew me + up and the oxen would run me through. It is a very hazardous + business for donkeys to climb into the ox set. + +_Mega._ + + Quam ad probos propinquitate proxime te adiunxeris. + tam optumum est. tu condicionem hanc accipe, ausculta mihi, + atque eam desponde mi. + + But honourable human beings--the more closely connected you + are with them, the better. Come, come, accept my offer: + listen to what I say and promise her to me. + +_Eucl._ + + At nihil est dotis quod dem. + + But not one penny of dowry can I give. + +_Mega._ + + Ne duas. + dum modo morata recte veniat, dotata est satis. + + Don’t. Only let me have a girl that’s good, and she has + dowry enough. + +_Eucl._ + + Eo dico, ne me thensauros repperisse censeas. 240 + + (_forcing a laugh_) I mention this just so that you mayn’t + think I’ve found some treasure. + +_Mega._ + + Novi, ne doceas. desponde. + + Yes, yes, I understand. Promise. + +_Eucl._ + + Fiat. sed pro Iuppiter, + num ego disperii? + + So be it. (_aside, starting at noise_) Oh, my God! Can it be + I’m ruined, ruined? + +_Mega._ + + Quid tibi est? + + What’s the matter? + +_Eucl._ + + Quid crepuit quasi ferrum modo? + + That noise? What was it--a sort of clinking sound? + [EXIT INTO HOUSE HURRIEDLY. + +_Mega._ + + Hic apud me hortum confodere iussi. sed ubi hic est homo? + abiit neque me certiorem fecit. fastidit mei, + quia videt me suam amicitiam velle. more hominum facit; + nam si opulentus it petitum pauperioris gratiam, + pauper metuit congrediri, per metum male rem gerit. + idem, quando occasio illaec periit, post sero cupit. + + (_not noticing his departure_) I told them to do some + digging in my garden here. (_looking around_) But where + is the man? Gone away and left me--without a word! Scorns + me, now he sees I desire his friendship! Quite the usual + thing, that. Yes, let a wealthy man try to get the regard + of a poorer one, and the poor one is afraid to meet him + half-way: his timidity makes him injure his own interests. + Then when it’s too late and the opportunity is gone he + longs to have it again. + + RE-ENTER _Euclio._ + +_Eucl._ + + Si hercle ego te non elinguandam dedero usque ab radicibus, 250 + impero auctorque ego sum, ut tu me cuivis castrandum loces. + + (_to Staphyla within_) By heaven, if I don’t have your + tongue torn out by the very roots, I give you orders, give + you full authority, to hand me over to anyone you please to + be skinned alive. (_approaches Megadorus_) + +_Mega._ + + Video hercle ego te me arbitrari, Euclio, hominem idoneum, + quem senecta aetate ludos facias, haud merito meo. + + Upon my word, Euclio! So you think I am the proper sort of + man to make a fool of, at my time of life, and without the + slightest reason. + +_Eucl._ + + Neque edepol, Megadore, facio, neque. si cupiam, copia est. + + Bless my soul! I’m not making a fool of you, Megadorus: + I couldn’t if I would. + +_Mega._ + + Quid nunc? etiam mihi despondes filiam? + + (_doubtfully_) Well now, do you mean I am to have your + daughter? + +_Eucl._ + + Illis legibus, + cum illa dote quam tibi dixi. + + On the understanding she goes with the dowry I mentioned. + +_Mega._ + + Sponden ergo? + + You consent, then? + +_Eucl._ + + Spondeo. + + I consent. + +_Mega._ + + Di bene vertant. + + And may God prosper us! + +_Eucl._ + + Ita di faxint. illud facito ut memineris + convenisse ut ne quid dotis mea ad te afferret filia. + + Yes, yes,--and mind you remember our agreement about the + dowry: she doesn’t bring you a single penny. + +_Mega._ + + Memini. + + I remember. + +_Eucl._ + + At scio quo vos soleatis pacto perplexarier. + pactum non pactum est, non pactum pactum est, quod vobis lubet. 260 + + But I know the way you folks have of juggling things: now + it’s on and now it’s off, now it’s off and now it’s on, just + as you like. + +_Mega._ + + Nulla controversia mihi tecum erit. sed nuptias + num quae causa est quin faciamus hodie? + + You shall have no occasion to quarrel with me. But about the + marriage--there’s no reason for not having it to-day, is + there? + +_Eucl._ + + Immo edepol optuma. + + Dear, dear, no! The very thing, the very thing! + +_Mega._ + + Ibo igitur, parabo. numquid me vis? + + I’ll go and make arrangements, then, (_turning to leave_) + Anything else I can do? + +_Eucl._ + + Istuc. ei et vale. + + Only that. Go along. Good-bye. + +_Mega._ + + Heus, Pythodice, sequere propere me ad macellum strenue. + + (_calling at the door of his house_) Hey, Pythodicus! quick! + [_ENTER Pythodicus_] Down to the market with me--come, look + alive! [EXEUNT. + +_Eucl._ + + Illic hinc abiit. di immortales, obsecro, aurum quid valet.[1] (265) + id inhiat, ea affinitatem hanc obstinavit gratia. (267) + Ubi tu es, quae deblateravisti iam vicinis omnibus, + meae me filiae daturum dotem? heus, Staphyla, te voco. + ecquid audis? + + (_looking after them_) He’s gone! Ah, ye immortal gods, + doesn’t money count! That is what he’s gaping after. That is + why he’s so set on being my son-in-law. (_goes to the door + and calls_) Where are you, you blabber, telling the whole + neighbourhood I’m going to give my daughter a dowry! Hi-i! + Staphyla! It’s you I’m calling. Can’t you hear! + + +II. 3. + + Scene 3. + + ENTER _Staphyla_. + +_Eucl._ + + Vascula intus pure propera atque elue: 270 + filiam despondi ego: hodie huic nuptum Megadoro dabo. + + Hurry up with the dishes inside there and give them a good + scouring. I have betrothed my daughter: she marries + Megadorus here to-day. + +_Staph._ + + Di bene vortant. verum ecastor non potest, subitum est nimis. + + God bless them! (_hastily_) Goodness, though! It can’t be + done. This is too sudden. + +_Eucl._ + + Tace atque abi. curata fac sint cum a foro redeam domum; + atque aedis occlude; iam ego hic adero. + + Silence! Off with you! Have things ready by the time I get + back from the forum. And lock the door, mind; I shall be + here soon. [EXIT Euclio. + +_Staph._ + + Quid ego nunc agam? + nunc nobis prope adest exitium, mi atque erili filiae, + nunc probrum atque partitudo prope adest ut fiat palam; + quod celatum atque occultatum est usque adhuc, nunc non potest. + ibo intro, ut erus quae imperavit facta, cum veniat, sient. + nam ecastor malum maerore metuo ne mixtum bibam. + + What shall I do now? Now we’re all but ruined, the young + mistress and me: now it’s all but public property about her + being disgraced and brought to bed. We can’t conceal it, we + can’t keep it dark any longer now. But I must go in and do + what master ordered me before he gets back. Oh deary me! I’m + afraid I’ve got to take a drink of trouble and tribulation + mixed. [EXIT _Staphyla_ INTO HOUSE. + + +II. 4. + + Scene 4. + + (_An hour has elapsed._) + + ENTER _Pythodicus_ BRINGING COOKS, _Anthrax_ AND _Congrio_, + MUSIC GIRLS, _Phrygia_ AND _Eleusium_, AND ATTENDANTS, WITH + PROVISIONS FROM THE MARKET AND TWO LAMBS. + +_Pyth._ + + Postquam obsonavit erus et conduxit coquos 280 + tibicinasque hasce apud forum, edixit mihi + ut dispertirem obsonium hic bifariam. + + (_importantly_) After master did the marketing and hired the + cooks and these music girls at the forum, he told me to take + and divide all he’d got into two parts. + +_Anthr._ + + Me quidem hercle, dicam tibi palam, non divides. + si quo tu totum me ire vis, operam dabo. + + By Jupiter, you shan’t make two parts of me, let me tell you + that plainly! If you’d like to have the whole of me + anywhere, why, I’ll accommodate you. + +_Cong._ + + Bellum et pudicum vero prostibulum popli. + post si quis vellet, te hand non velles dividi. + + (_to Anthrax_) You pretty boy, yes, you nice little + everybody’s darling, you! Why, if anyone wanted to make two + parts of a real man out of you, you oughtn’t to be cut up + about it. + +_Pyth._ + + Atque ego istuc, Anthrax, alio vorsum dixeram, + non istuc quo tu insimulas. sed erus nuptias + meus hodie faciet. + + Now, now, Anthrax, I mean that otherwise from what you make + out. Look here, my master’s marrying to-day. + +_Anthr._ + + Cuius ducit filiam? + + Who’s the lady? + +_Pyth._ + + Vicini huius Euclionis senis e proximo. 290 + ei adeo obsoni hinc iussit dimidium dari, + cocum alterum itidemque alteram tibicinam. + + Daughter of old Euclio that lives next door here. Yes sir, + and what’s more, he’s to have half this stuff here, and one + cook and one music girl, too, so master said. + +_Anthr._ + + Nempe huc dimidium dicis, dimidium domum? + + You mean to say half goes to him and half to you folks? + +_Pyth._ + + Nempe sicut dicis. + + Just what I do mean. + +_Anthr._ + + Quid? hic non poterat de suo + senex obsonari filiai nuptiis? + + I say, couldn’t the old boy pay for the catering for his + daughter’s wedding his own self? + +_Pyth._ + + Vah. + + (_scornfully_) Pooh! + +_Anthr._ + + Quid negotist? + + What’s the matter? + +_Pyth._ + + Quid negoti sit rogas? + pumex non aeque est aridus atque hic est senex. + + The matter, eh? You couldn’t squeeze as much out of that old + chap as you could out of a pumice stone. + +_Anthr._ + + Ain tandem? + + (_incredulously_) Oh, really now! + +_Pyth._ + + Ita esse ut dixi. tute existuma: + quin divom atque hominum clamat continue fidem,[2] + suam rem periisse seque eradicarier, 300 + de suo tigillo fumus si qua exit foras. + quin cum it dormitum, follem obstringit ob gulam. + + That’s a fact. Judge for yourself. Why, I tell you he begins + bawling for heaven and earth to witness that he’s bankrupt, + gone to everlasting smash, the moment a puff of smoke from + his beggarly fire manages to get out of his house. Why, when + he goes to bed he strings a bag over his jaws. + +_Anthr._ + + Cur? + + What for? + +_Pyth._ + + Ne quid animae forte amittat dormiens. + + So as not to chance losing any breath when he’s asleep. + +_Anthr._ + + Etiamue obturat inferiorem gutturem, + ne quid animai forte amittat dormiens? + + Oh yes! And he puts a stopper on his lower windpipe, doesn’t + he, so as not to chance losing any breath while he’s asleep? + +_Pyth._ + + Haec mihi te ut tibi med aequom est, credo, credere. + + (_ingenuously_) You should believe me, I believe, just + as I should believe you. + +_Anthr._ + + Immo equidem credo. + + (_hurriedly_) Oh, no, no! I do believe, of course! + +_Pyth._ + + At scin etiam quomodo? + aquam hercle plorat, cum lavat, profundere. + + But listen to this, will you? Upon my word, after he takes a + bath it just breaks him all up to throw away the water. + +_Anthr._ + + Censen talentum magnum exorari pote + ab istoc sene ut det, qui fiamus liberi? 310 + + D’ye think the old buck could be induced to make us a + present of a couple of hundred pounds to buy ourselves off + with? + +_Pyth._ + + Famem hercle utendam si roges, numquam dabit. + quin ipsi pridem tonsor unguis dempserat: + collegit, omnia abstulit praesegmina. + + Lord! He wouldn’t make you a loan of his hunger, no sir, not + if you begged him for it. Why, the other day when a barber + cut his nails for him he collected all the clippings and + took ’em home. + +_Anthr._ + + Edepol mortalem parce parcum praedicas. + + My goodness, he’s quite a tight one, from what you say. + +_Pyth._ + + Censen vero adeo esse parcum et miserum vivere? + pulmentum pridem ei eripuit milvos: + homo ad praetorem plorabundus devenit; + infit ibi postulare plorans, eiulans, + ut sibi liceret milvom vadarier. + sescenta sunt quae memorem, si sit otium. 320 + sed uter vestrorum est celerior? memora mihi. + + Honest now, would you believe a man could be so tight and + live so wretched? Once a kite flew off with a bit of food of + his: down goes the fellow to the magistrate’s, blubbering + all the way, and there he begins, howling and yowling, + demanding to have the kite bound over for trial. Oh, I could + tell hundreds of stories about him if I had time. (_to both + cooks_) But which of you is the quicker? Tell me that. + +_Anthr._ + + Ego, et multo melior. + + I am, and a whole lot better, too. + +_Pyth._ + + Cocum ego, non furem rogo. + + At cooking I mean, not thieving. + +_Anthr._ + + Cocum ergo dico. + + Well, I mean cooking. + +_Pyth._ + + Quid tu ais? + + (_to Congrio_) And how about you? + +_Cong._ + + Sic sum ut vides. + + (_with a meaning glance at Anthrax_) I’m what I look. + +_Anthr._ + + Cocus ille nundinalest, in nonum diem + solet ire coctum. + + He’s nothing but a market-day cook, that chap: he only gets + a job once a week. + +_Cong._ + + Tun, trium litterarum homo + me vituperas? fur. + + You running me down, you? You five letter man, you! You + T-H-I-E-F! + +_Anthr._ + + Etiam fur, trifurcifer. + + Five letter man youself! Yes, and five times--penned! + + +II. 5. + + Scene 5. + +_Pyth._ + + Tace nunciam tu, atque agnum hinc uter est pinguior + cape atque abi intro ad nos. + + (_to Anthrax_) Come, come, shut up, you: and this fattest + lamb here, (_pointing_) take it and go over to our house. + +_Anthr._ + + Licet. + + (_grinning triumphantly at Congrio_) Aye, aye, sir. + + [EXIT _Anthrax_ INTO HOUSE OF _Megadorus_ LEADING LAMB. + +_Pyth._ + + Tu, Congrio, + quem illic reliquit agnum, eum sume atque abi + [3]intro illuc, et vos illum sequimini. + vos ceteri ite huc ad nos. + + Congrio, you take this one he’s left (_pointing_) and go + into that house there, (_pointing to Euclio’s_) and as for + you, (_indicating some of the attendants_) you follow him. + The rest of you come over to our house. + +_Cong._ + + Hercle iniuria 330 + dispertivisti: pinguiorem agnum isti habent. + + Hang it! That’s no way to divide: they’ve got the fattest + lamb. + +_Pyth._ + + At nunc tibi dabitur pinguior tibicina. + i sane cum illo, Phrugia. tu autem, Eleusium, + huc intro abi ad nos. + + Oh well, I’ll give you the fattest music girl. (_turning to + girls_) That means you, Phrygia: you go with him. As for + you, Eleusium, you step over to our place. + [EXEUNT _Eleusium_ AND OTHERS INTO HOUSE OF _Megadorus_. + +_Cong._ + + O Pythodice subdole, + hucine detrusti me ad senem parcissimum? + ubi si quid poscam, usque ad ravim poscam prius + quam quicquam detur. + + Oh, you’re a wily one, Pythodicus! Shoving me off on this + old screw, eh? If I ask for anything there, I can ask myself + hoarse before I get a thing. + +_Pyth._ + + Stultus et sine gratia es. + [4]tibi recte facere, quando quod facias perit. + + An ungrateful blockhead is what you are. The idea of doing + you a favour, when it’s only thrown away! + +_Cong._ + + Qui vero? + + Eh? How so? + +_Pyth._ + + Rogitas? iam principio in aedibus + turba istic nulla tibi erit: siquid uti voles, 340 + domo abs te adferto, ne operam perdas poscere. + his autem apud nos magna turba ac familia est + supellex, aurum, vestis, vasa argentea: + + How so? Well, in the first place there won’t be an + uproarious gang in that house to get in your way: if you + need anything, just you fetch it from home so as not to + waste time asking for it. Here at our establishment, though, + we do have a great big uproarious gang of servants, and + knick-knackery and jewellery and clothes and silver plate + lying about. + + ibi si perierit quippiam--quod te scio + facile abstinere posse, si nihil obviam est-- + dicant: coqui abstulerunt, comprehendite, + vincite, verberate, in puteum condite. + horum tibi istic nihil eveniet: quippe qui + ubi quid subripias nihil est. sequere hac me. + + Now if anything was missing,--of course it’s easy for you + to keep your hands off, provided there’s nothing in reach,-- + they’d say: “The cooks got away with it! Collar ’em! Tie ’em + up! Thrash ’em! Throw ’em in the dungeon!” Now over there + (_pointing to Euclio’s_) nothing like this will happen to + you--as there’s nothing at all about for you to filch. + (_going toward Euclio’s house_) Come along. + +_Cong._ + + Sequor. + + (_sulkily_) Coming. (_he and the rest follow_) + + +II. 6. + + Scene 6. + +_Pyth._ + + Heus, Staphyla, prodi atque ostium aperi. + + (_knocking at door_) Hey! Staphyla! Come here and open the + door. + +_Staph._ + + Qui vocat? 350 + + (_within_) Who is it? + +_Pyth._ + + Pythodicus. + + Pythodicus. + +_Staph._ + + Quid vis? + + (_sticking her head out_) What do you want? + +_Pyth._ + + Hos ut accipias coquos + tibicinamque obsoniumque in nuptias. + Megadorus iussit Euclioni haec mittere. + + Take these cooks and the music girl and the supplies for the + wedding festival. Megadorus told us to take ’em over to + Euclio’s. + +_Staph._ + + Cererin, Pythodice, has sunt facturi nuptias? + + (_examining the provisions disappointedly_) Whose festival + are they going to celebrate, Pythodicus? Ceres’? + +_Pyth._ + + Qui? + + Why hers? + +_Staph._ + + Quia temeti nihil allatum intellego. + + Well, no tipple’s[B] been brought, as I notice. + + [Footnote B: The use of wine was forbidden at the festival + called the _Cereris nuptiae_.] + +_Pyth._ + + At iam afferetur, si a foro ipsus redierit. + + But there’ll be some all right when the old gent gets back + from the forum. + +_Staph._ + + Ligna hic apud nos nulla sunt. + + We haven’t got any firewood in the house. + +_Cong._ + + Sunt asseres? + + Any rafters in it? + +_Staph_ + + Sunt pol. + + Mercy, yes. + +_Cong._ + + Sunt igitur ligna, ne quaeras foris. + + There’s firewood in it, then: never mind going for any. + +_Staph._ + + Quid, impurate? quamquam Volcano studes, + cenaene causa aut tuae mercedis gratia 360 + nos nostras aedis postulas comburere? + + Hey? You godless thing! even though you are a devotee of + Vulcan, do you want us to burn our house down, all for your + dinner or your pay? (_advances on him_) + +_Cong._ + + Haud postulo. + + (_shrinking back_) I don’t, I don’t! + +_Pyth._ + + Duc istos intro. + + Take ’em inside. + +_Staph._ + + Sequimini. + + (_brusquely_) This way with you. + + [EXEUNT _Congrio_ AND OTHERS INTO _Euclio’s_ HOUSE. + + +II. 7. + + Scene 7. + +_Pyth._ + + Curate. ego intervisam quid faciant coqui; + quos pol ut ego hodie servem, cura maxuma est. + nisi unum hoc faciam, ut in puteo cenam coquant: + inde coctam sursum subducemus corbulis. + + (_as they leave_) Look out for things. (_starting for + Megadorus’s house_) I’ll go see what the cooks are at. By + gad, it’s the devil’s own job keeping an eye on those chaps. + The only way is to make ’em cook dinner in the dungeon and + then haul it up in baskets when it’s done. + + si autem deorsum comedent, si quid coxerint, + superi incenati sunt et cenati inferi. + sed verba hic facio, quasi negoti nil siet, + rapacidarum ubi tantum sit in aedibus. 370 + + Even so, though, if they’re down there gobbling up all they + cook, it’s a case of starve in heaven and stuff in hell. + But here I am gabbling away just as if there wasn’t anything + to do, and the house all full of those young Grabbits. + [EXIT _Pythodicus._ + + +II. 8. + + Scene 8. + + ENTER _Euclio_ FROM FORUM CARRYING A SMALL PACKAGE AND A FEW + FORLORN FLOWERS. + +_Eucl._ + + Volui animum tandem confirmare hodie meum, + ut bene me haberem filiai nuptiis. + venio ad macellum, rogito pisces: indicant + caros; agninam caram, caram bubulam, + vitulinam, cetum, porcinam: cara omnia. + atque eo fuerunt cariora, aes non erat. + abeo iratus illinc, quoniam nihil est qui emam. + + Now I did want to be hearty to-day, and do the handsome + thing for daughter’s wedding, yes I did. Off I go to the + market--ask for fish! Very dear! And lamb dear... and beef + dear... and veal and tunny and pork... everything dear, + everything! Yes, and all the dearer for my not having any + money! It just made me furious, and seeing I couldn’t buy + anything, I up and left. + + ita illis impuris omnibus adii manum. + deinde egomet mecum cogitare intervias + occepi: festo die si quid prodegeris, 380 + profesto egere liceat, nisi peperceris. + postquam, hanc rationem ventri cordique edidi, + accessit animus ad meam sententiam, + quam minimo sumptu filiam ut nuptum darem. + + That’s how I circumvented ’em, the whole dirty pack of ’em. + Then I began to reason things out with myself as I walked + along. “Holiday feasting makes everyday fasting,” says I to + myself, “unless you economize.” After I’d put the case this + way to my stomach and heart, my mind supported my motion + to cut down daughter’s wedding expenses just as much as + possible. + + + nunc tusculum emi hoc et coronas floreas: + haec imponentur in foco nostro Lari, + ut fortunatas faciat gnatae nuptias. + sed quid ego apertas aedis nostras conspicor? + et strepitust intus. numnam ego compilor miser? + + Now I’ve bought a little frankincense here and some wreaths + of flowers: we’ll put ’em on the hearth in honour of our + Household God, so that he may bless daughter’s marriage. + (_looking toward house_) Eh! What’s my door open for? + A clattering inside, too! Oh. mercy on us! It can’t be + burglars, can it? + + +_Cong._ + + Aulam maiorem, si pote, ex vicinia 390 + pete: haec est parva, capere non quit. + + (_within, to an attendant_) See if you can’t get a bigger + pot from one of the neighbours: this here’s a little one: + it won’t hold it all. + +_Eucl._ + + Ei mihi, + perii hercle. aurum rapitur, aula quaeritur.[5] (392) + Apollo, quaeso, subveni mi atque adiuva, (394) + confige sagittis fures thensaurarios, + si cui in re tali iam subvenisti antidhac. + sed cesso prius quam prorsus perii currere? + + Oh, my God! my God! I’m ruined! They’re taking my gold! + They’re after my pot! Oh, oh, Apollo, help me, save me! + Shoot your arrows through them, the treasure thieves, if + you’ve ever helped a man in such a pinch before! But I must + rush in before they ruin me entirely! [EXIT _Euclio_. + + +II. 9. + + Scene 9. + + ENTER _Anthrax_ FROM HOUSE OF _Megadorus_. + +_Anthr._ + + Dromo, desquama piscis. tu, Machaerio, + congrum, murenam exdorsua quantum potest. + ego hinc artoptam ex proximo utendam peto 400 + a Congrione. tu istum gallum, si sapis, + glabriorem reddes mihi quam volsus ludiust. + + (_to servants inside_) Dromo, scale the fish. As for you, + Machaerio, you bone the conger and lamprey as fast as you + know how. I’m going over next door to ask Congrio for the + loan of a bread pan. And you there! if you know what’s good + for you, you won’t hand me back that rooster till it’s + plucked cleaner than a ballet dancer. + + sed quid hoc clamoris oritur hinc ex proximo? + coqui hercle, credo, faciunt officium suom. + fugiam intro, ne quid turbae hic itidem fuat. + + (_sound of scuffle in Euclio’s house_) Hallo, though! What’s + the row in the house next door? Hm! the cooks settling down + to business, I reckon! I’ll hustle back, or we’ll be having + a rumpus at our place, too. [EXIT. + + + + +ACTVS III + + ACT III + + + ENTER _Congrio_ AND HIS ASSOCIATES TUMBLING OUT OF + _Euclio’s_ HOUSE, SLAMMING DOOR BEHIND THEM. + + +_Cong._ + + Attatae! cives,[6] populares, incolae, accolae, advenae omnes, + date viam qua fugere liceat. facite totae plateae pateant. + neque ego umquam nisi hodie ad Bacchas veni in Bacchanal coquinatum, + ita me miserum et meos discipulos fustibus male contuderunt. + totus doleo atque oppido perii, + ita me iste habuit senex gymnasium; 410 + + (_in burlesque panic_) Hi-i-i! Citizens, natives, + inhabitants, neighbours, foreigners, every one--give me + room to run! Open up! Clear the street! (_stopping at some + distance from the house_) This is the first time I ever came + to cook for Bacchantes at a Bacchante den. Oh dear, what an + awful clubbing I and my disciples did get! I’m one big ache! + I’m dead and gone! The way that old codger took me for a + gymnasium! + + attat, perii hercle ego miser, + aperit bacchanal. adest, 411a + sequitur. scio quam rem geram: hoc + ipsus magister me docuit. 412a + neque ligna ego usquam gentium praeberi vidi pulchrius, + itaque omnis exegit foras, me atque hos, onustos fustibus. + + (_Euclio’s door opens and he appears, cudgel in hand_) Oh-- + ow--ow! Good Lord be merciful! I’m done for! He’s opening + the den; he’s at the door; he’s after me! I know what I’ll + do: (_retires_) he’s taught me my lesson, my master has. + I never in all my life saw a place where they were freer + handed with their wood: (_rubbing his shoulders_) why, when + he drove the lot of us out he let us have big sticks of it, + all we could stagger under. + + +III. 2. + + Scene 2. + +_Eucl._ + + Redi. quo fugis nunc? tene, tene. + + (_going into street_) Come back! Where are you running to + now? Stop him, stop him! + +_Cong._ + + Quid, stolide, clamas? + + What are you yelling for, stupid? + +_Eucl._ + + Quia ad tris viros iam ego deferam nomen tuom. + + Because I am going to report your name to the police this + instant. + +_Cong._ + + Quam ob rem? + + Why? + +_Eucl._ + + Quia cultrum habes. + + Well, you carry a knife. + +_Cong._ + + Cocum decet. + + And so a cook should. + +_Eucl._ + + Quid comminatu’s + mihi? + + And how about your threatening me? + +_Cong._ + + Istud male factum arbitror, quia non latus fodi. + + It’s a pity I didn’t jab it through you, I’m thinking. + +_Eucl._ + + Homo nullust te scelestior qui vivat hodie + neque quoi ego de industria amplius male plus libens faxim. 420 + + There isn’t a more abandoned villain than you on the face of + the earth, or one I’d be gladder to go out of my way to + punish more, either. + +_Cong._ + + Pol etsi taceas, palam id quidem est: res ipsa testist; + ita fustibus sum mollior magis quam ullus cinaedus. + sed quid tibi nos tactiost, mendice homo? + + Good Lord! That’s evident enough, even if you didn’t say so: + the facts speak for themselves. I’ve been clubbed till I’m + looser than any fancy dancer. Now what did you mean by + laying hands on me, you beggar? + +_Eucl._ + + Quae res? + etiam rogitas? an quia minus quam aequom erat feci? + + What’s that? You dare ask me? Didn’t I do my duty by you--is + that it? (_lifts cudgel_) + +_Cong._ + + Sine, at hercle cum magno malo tuo, si hoc caput sentit. + + (_backing away_) All right: but by gad, you’ll pay heavy for + it, or I’m a numskull. + +_Eucl._ + + Pol ego haud scio quid post fuat: tuom nunc caput sentit. + sed in aedibus quid tibi meis nam erat negoti + me absente, nisi ego iusseram? volo scire. + + Hm! I don’t know anything about the future of your skull, + but (_chuckling and tapping his cudgel_) it must be numb + now. (_savagely_) See here, what the devil were you doing in + my house without my orders while I was gone? That’s what I + want to know. + +_Cong._ + + Tace ergo. + quia venimus coctum ad nuptias. + + Well then, shut up. We came to cook for the wedding, that’s + all. + +_Eucl._ + + Quid tu, malum, curas, + utrum crudum an coctum ego edim, nisi tu mi es tutor? 430 + + And how does it concern you, curse you, whether I eat my + food cooked or take it raw--unless you are my guardian? + +_Cong._ + + Volo scire, sinas an non sinas nos coquere his cenam? + + Are you going to let us cook dinner here or not? That’s what + I want to know. + +_Eucl._ + + Volo scire ego item, meae domi mean salva futura? + + Yes, and I want to know whether my things at home will be + safe? + +_Cong._ + + Utinam mea mihi modo auferam, quae adtuli, salva: + me haud paenitet, tua ne expetam. + + All I hope is I can get safe away with my own things that I + brought there. That’ll do for me: don’t worry about my + hankering for anything you own. + +_Eucl._ + + Scio, ne doce, novi. + + (_incredulous_) I know. You needn’t go on. I quite + understand. + +_Cong._ + + Quid est qua prohibes nunc gratia nos coquere hic cenam? + quid fecimus, quid diximus tibi secus quam velles? + + Why won’t you let us cook dinner here now? What have we + done? What have we said that you didn’t like? + +_Eucl._ + + Etiam rogitas, sceleste homo, qui angulos in omnis + mearum aedium et conclavium mihi pervium facitis? + ibi ubi tibi erat negotium, ad focum si adesses, + non fissile auferres caput: merito id tibi factum est. 440 + + A pretty question, you villainous rascal, with your making + a public highway of every nook and cranny in my whole house! + If you had stayed by the oven where your business lay, you + wouldn’t be carrying that cloven pate: it serves you right. + + adeo ut tu meam sententiam iam noscere possis + si ad ianuam huc accesseris, nisi iussero, propius, + ego te faciam miserrimus mortalis uti sis. + scis iam meam sententiam. + + (_with forced composure_) Now further, just to acquaint you + with my sentiments in the matter,--you come any nearer this + door without my permission, and I will make you the most + forlorn creature in God’s world. Now you know my sentiments. + [EXIT INTO HOUSE. + +_Cong._ + + Quo abis? redi rursum. + ita me bene amet Laverna, uti te iam, nisi reddi + mihi vasa iubes, pipulo te his differam ante aedis. + quid ego nunc agam? ne ego edepol veni huc auspicio malo. + nummo sum conductus: plus iam medico merce dest opus. + + (_calling after him_) Where are you off to? Come back! So + help me holy Mother of Thieves, but I’ll soon make it warm + for you, the way I’ll rip up your reputation in front of the + house here, if you don’t have my dishes brought back! (_as + Euclio closes the door_) Now what? Oh, hell! It certainly + was an unlucky day when I came here! Two shillings for the + job, and now it’ll take more than that to pay the doctor’s + bill. + + +III. 3. + + Scene 3. + + RE-ENTER _Euclio_ FROM HOUSE WITH OBJECT UNDER HIS CLOAK. + +_Eucl._ + + Hoc quidem hercle, quoquo ibo, mecum erit, mecum feram, + neque isti id in tantis periclis umquam committam ut siet. 450 + ite sane nunciam omnes, et coqui et tibicinae, + etiam intro duce, si vis, vel gregem venalium, + coquite, facite, festinate nunciam, quantum libet. + + (_aside_) By heaven, wherever I go this goes (_peering + under cloak_) too: I won’t leave it there to run such risks, + never. (_to Congrio and others_) Very well, come now, in + with you, cooks, music girls, every one! (_to Congrio_) Go + on, take your under-strappers inside if you like, the whole + hireling herd of ’em. Cook away, work away, scurry around to + your hearts’ content now. + +_Cong._ + + Temperi, postquam implevisti fusti fissorum caput. + + A nice time for it, after you’ve clubbed my head till it’s + all cracks! + +_Eucl._ + + Intro abite, opera huc conducta est vostra, non oratio. + + In with you. You were engaged to get up a dinner here, not a + declamation. + +_Cong._ + + Heus, senex, pro vapulando hercle ego abs te mercedem petam. + coctum ego, non vapulatum, dudum conductus fui. + + I say, old boy, I’ll come to you with my bill for that + basting, by the Lord I will. I was hired a while ago to be + cook, not to be thumped. + +_Eucl._ + + Lege agito mecum. molestus ne sis. i et cenam coque, + aut abi in malum cruciatum ab aedibus. + + Well, go to law about it. Don’t bother me. Away with you: + get dinner, or else get to the devil out of here. + +_Cong._ + + Abi tu modo. + + You just get to--(_mildly, as he pushes in past him_) one + side, then. [EXEUNT _Congrio_ AND HIS ASSOCIATES INTO HOUSE. + + +III. 4. + + Scene 4. + +_Eucl._ + + Illic hinc abiit. di immortales, facinus audax incipit 460 + qui cum opulento pauper homine coepit rem habere aut negotium.[7] + veluti Megadorus temptat me omnibus miserum modis, + qui simulavit mei honoris mittere huc causa coquos: + is ea causa misit, hoc qui surriperent misero mihi. + + (_looking after them_) He’s disappeared. My Lord, my Lord! + It’s an awful chance a poor man takes when he begins to have + dealings or business with a wealthy man. Here’s Megadorus + now, trying to catch me--oh, dear, dear!--in all sorts of + ways. Sending cooks over here and pretending it’s because + of regard for me! Sent ’em to steal this (_looking under + cloak_) from a poor old man--that’s what his sending ’em + was because of! + + condigne etiam meus med intus gallus gallinacius, + qui erat anu peculiaris, perdidit paenissume. + ubi erat haec defossa, occepit ibi scalpurrire ungulis + circum circa. quid opust verbis? ita mihi pectus peracuit: + capio fustem, obtrunco gallum, furem manufestarium. + + And then of course that dunghill cock of mine in there, that + used to belong to the old woman, had to come within an inch + of ruining me, beginning to scratch and claw around where + this (_looking under cloak_) was buried. Enough said. It + just got me so worked up I took a club and annihilated that + cock, the thief, the redhanded thief! + + credo edepol ego illi mercedem gallo pollicitos coquos, 470 + si id palam fecisset. exemi ex manu[8] manubrium.[9] (471) + sed Megadorus meus affinis eccum incedit a foro. (473) + iam hunc non ausim praeterire, quin consistam et conloquar. + + By heaven, I do believe the cooks offered that cock a reward + to show them where this (_looking under cloak_) was. I took + the handle (_looking under cloak_) out of their hands! + (_looking down street_) Ah, but there is son-in-law + Megadorus swaggering back from the forum. I suppose it + would hardly do for me to pass him without stopping for + a word or two, now. + + +III. 5. + + Scene 5. + + ENTER _Megadorus._ + +_Mega._ + + Narravi amicis multis consilium meum + de condicione hac. Euclionis filiam + laudant. sapienter factum et consilio bono. + + (_not seeing Euclio_) Well, I’ve told a number of friends of + my intentions regarding this match. They were full of praise + for Euclio’s daughter. Say it’s the sensible thing to do, + a fine idea. + + nam meo quidem animo si idem faciant ceteri + opulentiores, pauperiorum filias + ut indotatas ducant uxores domum, 480 + et multo fiat civitas concordior, + et invidia nos minore utamur quam utimur, + et illae malam rem metuant quam metuont magis, + et nos minore sumptu simus quam sumus. + + Yes, for my part I’m convinced that if the rest of our + well-to-do citizens would follow my example and marry poor + men’s daughters and let the dowries go, there would be a + great deal more unity in our city, and people would be less + bitter against us men of means than they are, and our wives + would stand in greater awe of marital authority than they + do, and the cost of living would be lower for us than it is. + + in maximam illuc populi partem est optimum; + in pauciores avidos altercatio est, + quorum animis avidis atque insatietatibus + neque lex neque sutor capere est qui possit modum. + namque hoc qui dicat “quo illae nubent divites + dotatae, si istud ius pauperibus ponitur?” 490 + + It’s just the thing for the vast majority of the people; + the fight comes with a handful of greedy fellows so stingy + and grasping that neither law nor cobbler can take their + measure. And now supposing some one should ask: “Who are + the rich girls with dowries going to marry, if you make this + rule for the poor ones?” + + quo lubeant, nubant, dum dos ne fiat comes. + hoc si ita fiat, mores meliores sibi + parent, pro dote quos ferant, quam nunc ferunt, + ego faxim muli, pretio qui superant equos, + sint viliores Gallicis cantheriis. + + Why, anyone they please, let ’em marry, provided their dowry + doesn’t go along with ’em. In that case, instead of bringing + their husbands money, they’d bring them better behaved wives + than they do at present. Those mules of theirs that cost + more than horses do now--they’d be cheaper than Gallic + geldings by the time I got through. + +_Eucl._ + + Ita me di amabunt ut ego hunc ausculto lubens. + nimis lepide fecit verba ad parsimoniam. + + (_aside_) God bless my soul, how I do love to hear him + talk! Those thoughts of his about economizing--beautiful, + beautiful! + +_Mega._ + + Nulla igitur dicat “equidem dotem ad te adtuli + maiorem multo quam tibi erat pecunia; + enim mihi quidem aequomst purpuram atque aurum dari, 500 + ancillas, mulos, muliones, pedisequos, + salutigerulos pueros, vehicla qui vehar.” + + Then you wouldn’t hear them saying: “Well, sir, you never + had anything like the money I brought you, and you know it. + Fine clothes and jewellery, indeed! And maids and mules and + coachmen and footmen and pages and private carriages--well, + if I haven’t a right to them!” + +_Eucl._ + + Ut matronarum hic facta pernovit probe. + moribus praefectum mulierum hunc factum velim. + + (_aside_) Ah, he knows ’em, knows ’em through and through, + these society dames! Oh, if he could only be appointed + supervisor of public morals--the women’s! + +_Mega._ + + Nunc quoquo venias plus plaustrorum in aedibus + videas quam ruri, quando ad villam veneris. + sed hoc etiam pulchrum est praequam ubi sumptus petunt. + + Wherever you go nowadays you see more wagons in front of a + city mansion than you can find around a farmyard. That’s a + perfectly glorious sight, though, compared with the time + when the tradesmen come for their money. + + stat fullo, phyrgio, aurifex, lanarius; + caupones patagiarii, indusiarii, + flammarii, volarii, carinarii; 510 + stant manulearii, stant[10] murobatharii, + propolae linteones, calceolarii; + sedentarii sutores diabathrarii, + solearii astant, astant molocinarii;[11] (514) + strophiarii astant, astant semul sonarii. (516) + + The cleanser, the ladies’ tailor, the jeweller, the woollen + worker--they’re all hanging round. And there are the dealers + in flounces and underclothes and bridal veils, in violet + dyes and yellow dyes, or muffs, or balsam scented foot-gear; + and then the lingerie people drop in on you, along with + shoemakers and squatting cobblers and slipper and sandal + merchants and dealers in mallow dyes; and the belt makers + flock around, and the girdle makers along with ’em. + + iam hosce absolutes censeas: cedunt, petunt + treceni, cum stant thylacistae in atriis + textores limbularii, arcularii. + ducuntur, datur aes. iam absolutos censeas, 520 + cum incedunt infectores corcotarii, + aut aliqua mala crux semper est, quae aliquid petat. + + And now you may think you’ve got them all paid off. Then up + come weavers and lace men and cabinet-makers--hundreds of + ’em--who plant themselves like jailers in your halls and + want you to settle up. You bring ’em in and square accounts. + “All paid off now, anyway,” you may be thinking, when in + march the fellows who do the saffron dyeing--some damned + pest or other, anyhow, eternally after something. + +_Eucl._ + + Compellarem ego illum, ni metuam ne desinat + memorare mores mulierum: nunc sic sinam. + + (_aside_) I’d hail him, only I’m afraid he’d stop talking + about how the women go on. No, no, I’ll let him be. + +_Mega._ + + Ubi nugivendis res soluta est omnibus, + ibi ad postremum cedit miles, aes petit. + itur, putatur ratio cum argentario, + miles inpransus astat, aes censet dari. + ubi disputata est ratio cum argentario, + etiam ipsus ultro debet argentario. 530 + spes prorogatur militi in alium diem. + + When you’ve got all these fellows of fluff and ruffles + satisfied, along comes a military man, bringing up the rear, + and wants to collect the army tax. You go and have a + reckoning with your banker, your military gentleman standing + by and missing his lunch in the expectation of getting some + cash. After you and the banker have done figuring, you find + you owe him money too, and the military man has his hopes + postponed till another day. + + haec sunt atque aliae multae in magnis dotibus. + incommoditates sumptusque intolerabiles + nam quae indotata est, ea in potestate est viri; + dotatae mactant et malo et damno viros + sed eccum adfinem ante aedes. quid agis, Euclio? + + These are some of the nuisances and intolerable expenses + that big dowries let you in for, and there are plenty more. + Now a wife that doesn’t bring you a penny--a husband has + some control over her; it’s the dowered ones that pester + the life out of their husbands with the way they cut up and + squander. (_seeing Euclio_) But there’s my new relative in + front of the house! How are you, Euclio? + + +III. 6. + + Scene 6. + +_Eucl._ + + Nimium lubenter edi sermonem tuom. + + Gratified, highly gratified with your discourse--I devoured + it. + +_Mega._ + + An audivisti? + + Eh? you heard? + +_Eucl._ + + Usque a principio omnia. + + Every word of it. + +_Mega._ + + Tamen meo quidem animo aliquanto facias rectius, + si nitidior sis filiai nuptus. 540 + + (_looking him over_) But I say, though, I do think it would + be a little more in keeping, if you were to spruce up a bit + for your daughter’s wedding. + +_Eucl._ + + Pro re nitorem et gloriam pro copia + qui habent, meminerunt sese unde oriundi sient. + neque pol, Megadore, mihi neque quoiquam pauperi + opinione melius res structa est domi. + + (_whining_) Folks with the wherewithal and means to let ’em + spruce up and look smart remember who they are. My goodness, + Megadorus! I haven’t got a fortune piled up at home (_peers + slyly under cloak_) any more than people think, and no other + poor man has, either. + +_Mega._ + + Immo est quod satis est, et di faciant ut siet + plus plusque et istuc sospitent quod nunc habes. + + (_genially_) Ah well, you’ve got enough, and heaven make it + more and more, and bless you in what you have now. + +_Eucl._ + + Illud mihi verbum non placet “quod nunc habes.” + tam hoc scit me habere quam egomet. anus fecit palam. + + (_turning away with a start_) “What you have now!” I don’t + like that phrase! He knows I have this money just as well as + I do! The old hag’s been blabbing! + +_Mega._ + + Quid tu te solus e senatu sevocas? + + (_pleasantly_) Why that secret session over there? + +_Eucl._ + + Pol ego ut te accusem merito meditabar. + + (_taken aback_) I was--damme sir,--I was framing the + complaint against you that you deserve. + +_Mega._ + + Quid est? 550 + + What for? + +_Eucl._ + + Quid sit me rogitas? qui mihi omnis angulos + furum implevisti in aedibus misero mihi, + qui mi intro misti in aedis quingentos coquos, + cum senis manibus, genere Geryonaceo; + + What for, eh? When you’ve filled every corner of my house + with thieves, confound it! When you’ve sent cooks into my + house by the hundred and every one of ’em a Geryonian[C] + with six hands apiece! + + quos si Argus servet qui oculeus totus fuit, + quem quondam Ioni Iuno custodem addidit, + is numquam servet. praeterea tibicinam, + quae mi interbibere sola, si vino scatat, + Corinthiensem fontem Pirenam potest. + tum obsonium autem-- + + Why, Argus, who had eyes all over him and was set to + guarding Io once by Juno, couldn’t ever keep watch on those + fellows, not if he tried. And that music girl besides! She + could take the fountain of Pirene at Corinth and drink it + dry, all by herself, she could,--if it ran wine. Then as + for the provisions-- + + [Footnote C: Geryon was a giant with three heads and + bodies.] + +_Mega._ + + Pol vel legioni sat est. 560 + etiam agnum misi. + + Bless my soul! Why, there’s enough for a regiment. I sent + you a lamb, too. + +_Eucl._ + + Quo quidem agno sat scio + magis curiosam[12] nusquam esse ullam beluam. + + Yes, and a more shearable beast than that same lamb doesn’t + exist, I know that. + +_Mega._ + + Volo ego ex te scire qui sit agnus curio. + + I wish you would tell me how the lamb is shearable. + +_Eucl._ + + Quia ossa ac pellis totust, ita cura macet. + quin exta inspicere in sole ei vivo licet: + ita is pellucet quasi lanterna Punica. + + Because it’s mere skin and bones, wasted away till it’s + perfectly--(_tittering_) sheer. Why, why, you put that + lamb in the sun and you can watch its inwards work: it’s as + transparent as a Punic[D] lantern. + + [Footnote D: Perhaps of glass, of which the Phoenicians + were reputedly the inventors.] + +_Mega._ + + Caedundum conduxi ego illum. + + (_protestingly_) I got that lamb in myself to be slaughtered. + +_Eucl._ + + Tum tu idem optumumst + loces efferendum; nam iam, credo, mortuost. + + (_dryly_) Then you’d best put it out yourself to be buried, + for I do believe it’s dead already. + +_Mega._ + + Potare ego hodie, Euclio, tecum volo. + + (_laughing and clapping him on the shoulder_) Euclio, we + must have a little carouse to-day, you and I. + +_Eucl._ + + Non potem ego quidem hercle. + + (_frightened_) None for me, sir, none for me! Carouse! Oh my + Lord! + +_Mega._ + + At ego iussero 570 + cadum unum vini veteris a me adferrier. + + But see here, I’ll just have a cask of good old wine brought + over from my cellars. + +_Eucl._ + + Nolo hercle, nam mihi bibere decretum est aquam. + + No, no! I don’t care for any! The fact is I am resolved to + drink nothing but water. + +_Mega._ + + Ego te hodie reddam madidum, si vivo, probe, + tibi cui decretum est bibere aquam. + + (_digging him in the ribs_) I’ll get you properly soaked + to-day, on my life I will, you with your “resolved to drink + nothing but water.” + +_Eucl._ + + Scio quam rem agat: + ut me deponat vino, eam adfectat viam, + post hoc quod habeo ut commutet coloniam. + ego id cavebo, nam alicubi abstrudam foris. + ego faxo et operam et vinum perdiderit simul. + + (_aside_) I see his game! Trying to fuddle me with his wine, + that’s it, and then give this (_looking under cloak_) a new + domicile! (_pauses_) I’ll take measures against that: yes. + I’ll secrete it somewhere outside the house. I’ll make him + throw away his time and wine together. + +_Mega._ + + Ego, nisi quid me vis, eo lavatum, ut sacruficem. + + (_turning to go_) Well, unless I can do something for you, + I’ll go take a bath and get ready to offer sacrifice. + [EXIT INTO HOUSE. + +_Eucl._ + + Edepol, ne tu, aula, multos inimicos habes 580 + atque istuc aurum quod tibi concreditum est. + nunc hoc mihi factu est optumum, ut ted auferam, + aula, in Fidei fanum: ibi abstrudam probe. + Fides, novisti me et ego te: cave sis tibi, + ne in me mutassis nomen, si hoc concreduo. + ibo ad te fretus tua, Fides, fiducia. + + (_paternally to object under cloak_) God bless us both, pot, + you do have enemies, ah yes, many enemies, you and the gold + entrusted to you! As matters stand, pot, the best thing I + can do for you is to carry you off to the shrine of Faith: + I’ll hide you away there, just as cosy! You know me, Faith, + and I know you: don’t change your name, mind, if I trust + this to you. Yes, I’ll go to you, Faith, relying on your + faithfulness. [EXIT _Euclio_. + + + + +ACTVS IV + + ACT IV + + + ENTER _Strobilus._ + +_Strob._ + + Hoc est servi facinus frugi, facere quod ego persequor, + ne morae molestiaeque imperium erile habeat sibi. + nam qui ero ex sententia servire servos postulat, + in erum matura, in se sera condecet capessere. 590 + sin dormitet, ita dormitet, servom sese ut cogitet.[13] (591) + + (_self-complacently_) This is the way for a good servant + to act, the way I do: no thinking master’s orders are a + botheration and nuisance. I tell you what, if a servant + wants to give satisfaction, he’d just better make it a case + of master first and man second. Even if he should fall + asleep, he ought to do it with an eye on the fact that he’s + a servant. + + erile[14] imperium ediscat, ut quod frons velit oculi sciant; (599) + quod iubeat citis quadrigis citius properet persequi. 600 + qui ea curabit, abstinebit censione bubula, + nec sua opera rediget umquam in splendorem compedes. + + He’s got to know his master’s inclinations like a book, so + that he can read his wishes in his face. And as for orders, + he must push ’em through faster than a fast four-in-hand. If + a chap minds all this, he won’t be paying taxes on rawhide, + or ever spend his time polishing a ball and chain with his + ankles. + + nunc erus meus amat filiam huius Euclionis pauperis; + eam ero nunc renuntiatum est nuptum huic Megadoro dari. + is speculatum huc misit me, ut quae fierent fieret particeps. + nunc sine omni suspicione in ara hic adsidam sacra; + hinc ego et huc et illuc potero quid agant arbitrarier. + + Now the fact is, master’s in love with the daughter of poor + old Euclio here; and he’s just got word she’s going to be + married to Megadorus there. So he’s sent me over to keep + my eyes peeled and report on operations. I’ll just settle + down alongside this sacred altar (_does so_) and no one’ll + suspect me. I can inspect proceedings at both houses from + here. + + +IV. 2. + + Scene 2. + + ENTER _Euclio_ WITHOUT SEEING _Strobilus._ + +_Eucl._ + + Tu modo cave quoiquam indicassis aurum meum esse istic, Fides: + non metuo ne quisquam inveniat, ita probe in latebris situmst. + edepol ne illic pulchram praedam agat, si quis illam invenerit 610 + aulam onustam auri; verum id te quaeso ut prohibessis, Fides. + + (_plaintively_) Only be sure you don’t let anyone know + my gold is there. Faith: no fear of anyone finding it, not + after the lovely way I tucked it in that dark nook, + (_pauses_) Oh my God, what a beautiful haul he would get, + if anyone should find it--a pot just crammed with gold! For + mercy’s sake, though, Faith, don’t let him! + + nunc lavabo, ut rem divinam faciam, ne affinem morer + quin ubi accersat meam extemplo filiam ducat domum. + vide, Fides, etiam atque etiam nunc, salvam ut aulam abs te auferam: + tuae fide concredidi aurum, in tuo loco et fano est situm. + + (_walks slowly toward house_) Now I’ll have a bath, so that + I may sacrifice and not hinder my prospective son-in-law + from marrying my girl the moment he claims her. (_looking + down street toward temple_) Take care now, Faith, do, do, do + take care I get my pot back from you safe. I’ve trusted my + gold to your good faith, laid it away in your grove and + shrine. [EXIT _Euclio_ INTO HOUSE. + +_Strob._ + + Di immortales, quod ego hunc hominem facinus audivi loqui: + se aulam onustam auri abstrusisse hic intus in fano Fide. + cave tu illi fidelis, quaeso, potius fueris, quam mihi. + atque hic pater est, ut ego opinor, huius erus quam amat, virginis. + + (_jumping up_) Ye immortal gods! What’s all this I heard the + fellow tell of! A pot just crammed with gold hidden in the + shrine of Faith here! For the love of heaven, Faith, don’t + be more faithful to him than to me. Yes, and he’s the father + of the girl that is master’s sweetheart, or I’m mistaken. + + ibo hinc intro, perscrutabor fanum, si inveniam uspiam 620 + aurum, dum his est occupatus. sed si repperero, o Fides, + mulsi congialem plenam faciam tibi fideliam. + id adeo tibi faciam; verum ego mihi bibam, ubi id fecero. + + I’m going in there: I’ll search that shrine from top to + bottom and see if I can’t find the gold somewhere while he’s + busy here. But if I come across it--oh, Faith, I’ll pour you + out a five pint pot of wine and honey! There now! that’s + what I’ll do for you; and when I’ve done that for you, why, + I’ll drink it up for myself. [EXIT TO TEMPLE AT A RUN. + + +IV. 3. + + Scene 3. + + RE-ENTER _Euclio_ FROM HOUSE. + +_Eucl._ + + Non temere est quod corvos cantat mihi nunc ab laeva manu; + semul radebat pedibus terram et voce croccibat sua: + continuo meum cor coepit artem facere ludicram + atque in pectus emicare. sed ego cesso currere? + + (_excitedly_) It means something--that raven cawing on + my left just now! And all the time a-clawing the ground, + croaking away, croaking away! The minute I heard him my + heart began to dance a jig and jumped up into my throat. + But I must run, run! [EXIT TO TEMPLE. + + +IV. 4. + + Scene 4. + + A FEW MOMENTS ELAPSE. THEN THE SOUND OF A SCUFFLE DOWN THE + STREET. RE-ENTER _Euclio_ DRAGGING _Strobilus._ + +_Eucl._ + + I foras, lumbrice, qui sub terra erepsisti modo, + qui modo nusquam comparebas, nunc, cum compares, peris, + ego pol te, praestrigiator, miseris iam accipiam modis. 630 + + Come! out, you worm! crawling up from under-ground just now! + A minute ago you weren’t to be found anywhere, and + (_grimly_) now you’re found you’re finished! Oh-h-h-h, + you felon! I’m going to give it to you, this very instant! + (_beats him_) + +_Strob._ + + Quae te mala crux agitat? quid tibi mecum est commerci, senex? + quid me adflictas? quid me raptas? qua me causa verberas? + + What the devil’s got into you? What business have you got + with me, old fellow? What are you pounding me for? What are + you jerking me along for? What do you mean by battering me? + +_Eucl._ + + Verberabilissime, etiam rogitas, non fur, sed trifur? + + (_still pummelling him_) Mean, eh? You batterissimo. You’re + not a thief: you’re three thieves. + +_Strob._ + + Quid tibi surrupui? + + What did I steal from you? + +_Eucl._ + + Redde huc sis. + + (_threateningly_) You kindly give it back. + +_Strob._ + + Quid tibi vis reddam? + + Back? What back? + +_Eucl._ + + Rogas? + + A nice question! + +_Strob._ + + Nil equidem tibi abstuli. + + I didn’t take a thing from you, honestly. + +_Eucl._ + + At illud quod tibi abstuleras cedo. + ecquid agis? + + Well, what you took dishonestly, then! Hand it over! Come, + come, will you! + +_Strob._ + + Quid agam? + + Come, come, what? + +_Eucl._ + + Auferre non potes. + + You shan’t get away with it. + +_Strob._ + + Quid vis tibi? + + What is it you want? + +_Eucl._ + + Pone. + + Down with it! + +_Strob._ + + Id quidem pol te datare credo consuetum, senex. + + Down with it, eh! Looks as if you’d downed too much of it + yourself already, old boy. + +_Eucl._ + + Pone hoc sis, aufer cavillam, non ego nunc nugas ago. + + Down with it, I tell you! None of your repartee! I’m not in + the humour for trifling now. + +_Strob._ + + Quid ego ponam? quin tu eloquere quidquid est suo nomine. + non hercle equidem quicquam sumpsi nec tetigi. + + Down with what? Come along, speak out and give it its name, + whatever it is. Hang it all, I never took a thing nor + touched a thing, and that’s flat. + +_Eucl._ + + Ostende huc manus. 640 + + Show me your hands. + +_Strob._ + + Em tibi, ostendi, eccas. + + (_stretching them out_) All right--there they are: have a + look. + +_Eucl._ + + Video. age ostende etiam tertiam. + + (_dryly_) I see. Come now, the third one: out with it. + +_Strob._ + + Laruae hunc atque intemperiae insaniaeque agitant senem + facisne iniuriam mihi? + + (_aside_) He’s got ’em! The old chap’s mad, stark, staring + mad! (_to Euclio, virtuously_) Now aren’t you doing me an + injury? + +_Eucl._ + + Fateor, quia non pendes, maximam + atque id quoque iam fiet, nisi fatere. + + I am, a hideous injury--in not hanging you. And I’ll soon do + that, too, if you don’t confess. + +_Strob._ + + Quid fatear tibi? + + Confess what? + +_Eucl._ + + Quid abstulisti hinc? + + What did you carry off from here? (_pointing toward temple_) + +_Strob._ + + Di me perdant, si ego tui quicquam abstuli + nive adeo abstulisse vellem. + + (_solemnly_) May I be damned, if I carried off a thing + of yours. (_aside_) Likewise if I didn’t want to. + +_Eucl._ + + Agedum, excutedum pallium. + + Come on, shake out your cloak. + +_Strob._ + + Tuo arbitratu. + + (_doing so_) Anything you say. + +_Eucl._ + + Ne inter tunicas habeas. + + Um! probably under your tunic. + +_Strob._ + + Tempta qua lubet. + + (_cheerfully_) Feel anywhere you please. + +_Eucl._ + + Vah, scelestus quam benigne: ut ne abstulisse intellegam. + novi sycophantias. age rusum ostende huc manum + dexteram. + + Ugh! you rascal! How obliging you are! That I may think you + didn’t take it! I’m up to your dodges. (_searches him_) Once + more now--out with your hand, the right one. + +_Strob._ + + Em. + + (_obeying_) There you are. + +_Eucl._ + + Nunc laevam ostende. + + Now the left one. + +_Strob._ + + Quin equidem ambas profero. 650 + + (_obeying_) Why, certainly: here’s the both of ’em. + +_Eucl._ + + Iam scrutari mitto. redde huc. + + Enough of this searching. Now give it here. + +_Strob._ + + Quid reddam? + + What? + +_Eucl._ + + A, nugas agis, + certe habes. + + Oh-h! Bosh! You must have it! + +_Strob._ + + Habeo ego? quid habeo? + + I have it? Have what? + +_Eucl._ + + Non dico, audire expetis. + id meum, quidquid habes, redde. + + I won’t say: you’re too anxious to know. Anything of mine + you’ve got, hand it over. + +_Strob._ + + Insanis: perscrutatus es + tuo arbitratu, neque tui me quicquam invenisti penes. + + Crazy! You went all through me as much as you liked without + finding a solitary thing of yours on me. + +_Eucl._ + + Mane, mane. quis illic est? quis hic intus alter erat tecum simul? + perii hercle: ille nunc intus turbat, hunc si amitto hic abierit. + postremo hunc iam perscrutavi, his nihil habet. abi quo lubet. + + (_excitedly_) Wait, wait! (_turns toward temple and + listens_) Who’s in there? Who was that other fellow in + there along with you? (_aside_) My Lord! this is awful, + awful! There’s another one at work in there all this time. + And if I let go of this one, he’ll skip off. (_pauses_) + But then I’ve searched him already: he hasn’t anything. + (_aloud_) Off with you, anywhere! (_releases him with a + final cuff_) + +_Strob._ + + Iuppiter te dique perdant. + + (_from a safe distance_) You be everlastingly damned! + +_Eucl._ + + Haud male egit gratias. + ibo intro atque illi socienno tuo iam interstringam gulam. + fugin hinc ab oculis? abin an non. + + (_aside, dryly_) Nice way he has of showing his gratitude. + (_aloud, sternly_) I’ll go in there, and that accomplice of + yours--I’ll strangle him on the spot. Are you going to + vanish? Are you going to get out, or not? (_advances_) + +_Strob._ + + Abeo. + + (_retreating_) I am, I am! + +_Eud._ + + Cave sis[15] te videam. 660 + + And kindly see I don’t set eyes on you again. + [EXIT _Euclio_ TOWARD TEMPLE. + + +IV. 5. + + Scene 5. + +_Strob._ + + Emortuom ego me mavelim leto malo + quam non ego illi dem hodie insidias seni. + nam hic iam non audebit aurum abstrudere: + credo ecferet iam secum et mutabit locum. + attat, foris crepuit. senex eccum aurum ecfert foras. + tantisper huc ego ad ianuam concessero. + + I’d sooner be tortured to death than not give that old + fellow a surprise to-day. (_reflecting_) Well, after this + he won’t dare hide his gold here. What he’ll most likely + do is bring it out with him and put it somewhere else. + (_listening_) Hm-m-m! There goes the door! Aha! the old + boy’s coming out with it. I’ll just back up by the doorway + for a while. (_hides by Megadorus’s house_) + + +IV. 6. + + Scene 6 + + RE-ENTER _Euclio_ WITH POT. + +_Eucl._ + + Fide censebam maxumam multo fidem + esse, ea sublevit os mihi paenissume: + ni subvenisset corvos, periissem miser. + nimis hercle ego illum corvom ad me veniat velim. 670 + qui indicium fecit, ut ego illi aliquid boni + dicam; nam quod edit tam duim quam perduim. + + I used to fancy Faith, of all deities, was absolutely + faithful, and here she’s just missed making a downright ass + of me. If that raven hadn’t stood by me, I’d be a poor, poor + ruined man. By heavens, I’d just like that raven to come and + see me, the one that warned me, I certainly should, so that + I might pay him a handsome--compliment. As for tossing him a + bite to eat, why, that would amount to throwing it away. + + nunc hoc ubi abstrudam cogito solum locum. + Silvani lucus extra murum est avius, + crebro salicto oppletus. ibi sumam locum. + certumst, Silvano potius credam quam Fide. + + (_meditating_) Let me think now, where is some lonely spot + to hide this in? (_after a moment_) There’s that grove of + Silvanus outside the wall, solitary, willow thickets all + around. There’s where I’ll pick my place. I’d sooner trust + Silvanus than Faith, and that’s settled. [EXIT _Euclio_. + +_Strob._ + + Euge, euge, di me salvom et servatum volunt. + iam ego illuc praecurram atque inscendam aliquam in arborem + indeque observabo, aurum ubi abstrudat senex. + quamquam hic manere me erus sese iusserat; 680 + certum est, malam rem potius quaeram cum lucro. + + Good! Good! The gods are with me. I’m a made man! Now I’ll + run on ahead and climb some tree there so as to sight the + place where the old fellow hides it. What if master did + tell me to wait here! I’d sooner look for a thrashing along + with the cash, and that’s settled. [EXIT _Strobilus_. + + +IV. 7. + + Scene 7. + + ENTER _Lyconides_ AND _Eunomia_. + +_Lyc._ + + Dixi tibi, mater, iuxta rem mecum tenes. + super Euchoms filia. nunc te obsecro + resecroque, mater, quod dudum obsecraveram: + fac mentionem cum avonculo, mater mea. + + That’s the whole story, mother: you see how it is with me + and Euclio’s daughter as well as I do. And now, mother, + I beg you, beg you again and again, as I did before: do + tell my uncle about it, mother dear. + +_Eun._ + + Scis tute facta velle me quae tu velis, + et istuc confido a fratre me impetrassere; + et causa iusta est, siquidem ita est ut praedicas, + te eam compressisse vinulentum virginem. + + Your wishes are mine, dear; you know that yourself: and I + feel sure your uncle will not refuse me. It’s a perfectly + reasonable request, too, if it’s all as you say and you + actually did get intoxicated and treat the poor girl so. + +_Lyc._ + + Egone ut te advorsum mentiar, mater mea? 690 + + Is it like me to look you in the face and lie, my dear + mother? + +_Phaed._ + + Perii, mea nutrix. obsecro te, uterum dolet. + Iuno Lucina, tuam fidem! + + (_within Euclio’s house_) Oh--oh! Nurse! Nurse dear! Oh, God + help me! The pain! + +_Lyc._ + + Em, mater mea, + tibi rem potiorem verbo: clamat, parturit. + + There, mother! There’s better proof than words gives. Her + cries! The child! + +_Eun._ + + Ei hac intro mecum, gnate mi, ad fratrem meum, + ut istuc quod me oras impetratum ab eo auferam. + + (_agitated_) Come, darling, come in to your uncle with me, + so that I may persuade him to let it be as you urge. + +_Lyc._ + + I, iam sequar te, mater. sed servom meum + Strobilum miror ubi sit, quem ego me iusseram + hic opperiri. nunc ego mecum cogito: + si mihi dat operam, me illi irasci iniurium est. + ibo intro, ubi de capite meo sunt comitia. 700 + + You go, mother: I’ll follow you in a moment. + [EXIT _Eunomia_ INTO _Megadorus’s_ HOUSE. + I wonder (_looking around_) where that fellow Strobilus of + mine is that I told to wait for me here. (_pauses_) Well, + on thinking it over, if he’s doing something for me, it’s + all wrong my finding fault with him. (_turning toward + Megadorus’s door_) Now for the session that decides my fate. + [EXIT. + + +IV. 8. + + Scene 8. + + ENTER _Strobilus_ WITH POT. + +_Strob._ + + Picis divitiis, qui aureos montes colunt, + ego solus supero. nam istos reges ceteros + memorare nolo, hominum mendicabula: + ego sum ille rex Philippus. o lepidum diem, + nam ut dudum hinc abii, multo illo adveni prior + multoque prius me conlocavi in arborem + indeque spectabam aurum ubi abstrudebat senex. + + (_elated_) Woodpeckers that haunt the Hills of Gold, eh! + I can buy ’em up my own single self. As for the rest of your + big kings--not worth mentioning, poor beggarlets! I am the + great King Philip. Oh, this is a grand day! Why, after I + left here a while ago I got there long before him and was + up in a tree long before he came: and from there I spotted + where the old chap hid the stuff. + + ubi ille abiit, ego me dorsum duco de arbore, + exfodio aulam auri plenam. inde ex eo loco + video recipere se senem; ille me non videt, 710 + nam ego declinavi paululum me extra viam. + attat, eccum ipsum. ibo ut hoc condam domum. + + After he’d gone I scrabbled down, dug up the pot full of + gold! Then I saw him coming back from the place; he didn’t + see me, though. I slipped off a bit to one side of the road + (_looking down street_) Aha! there he comes! I’ll home and + tuck this out of sight. [EXIT _Strobilus_. + + +IV. 9. + + Scene 9. + + ENTER _Euclio_ FRANTIC. + +_Eucl._ + + Perii interii occidi. quo curram? quo non curram? tene, tene. + quem? quis? + nescio, nil video, caecus eo atque equidem quo eam aut ubi sim + aut qui sim + nequeo cum animo certum investigare. obsecro vos ego, mi auxilio, + oro obtestor, sitis et hominem demonstretis, quis eam abstulerit. + + (_running wildly back and forth_) I’m ruined, I’m killed, + I’m murdered! Where shall I run? Where shan’t I run? Stop + thief! Stop thief! What thief? Who? I don’t know! I can’t + see! I’m all in the dark! Yes, yes, and where I’m going, or + where I am, or who I am--oh, I can’t tell, I can’t think! + (_to audience_) Help, help, for heaven’s sake, I beg you, + I implore you! Show the man that took it. + + quid est? quid ridetis? novi omnes, scio fures esse hic complures, + qui vestitu et creta occultant sese atque sedent quasi sint frugi. + quid ais tu? tibi credere certum est, nam esse bonum ex voltu + cognosco. + hem, nemo habet horum? occidisti. + dic igitur, quis habet? nescis? 720 + + Eh, what’s that? What are you grinning for? I know you, the + whole lot of you! I know there are thieves here, plenty of + ’em, that cover themselves up in dapper clothes and sit + still as if they were honest men. (_to a spectator_) You, + sir, what do you say? I’ll trust you, I will, I will. Yes, + you’re a worthy gentleman, I can tell it from your face. + Ha! none of them has it? Oh, you’ve killed me! Tell me, + who has got it, then? You don’t know? + + heu me miserum, misere perii, + male perditus, pessime ornatus eo: + tantum gemiti et mali maestitiaeque + hic dies mi optulit, famem et pauperiem. + + Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear! I’m a ruined man! I’m lost, lost! + Oh, what a plight! Oh, such a cruel, disastrous, dismal day-- + it’s made a starveling of me, a pauper! + + perditissimus ego sum omnium in terra; + nam quid mi opust vita, qui tantum auri + perdidi, quod concustodivi + sedulo? egomet me defraudavi + animumque meum geniumque meum; + nunc eo alii laetificantur + meo malo et damno. pati nequeo. + + I’m the forlornest wretch on earth! Ah, what is there in + life for me when I’ve lost all that gold I guarded, oh, so + carefully! I’ve denied myself, denied my own self comforts + and pleasures; yes, and now others are making merry over my + misery and loss! Oh, it’s unendurable! + + ENTER _Lyconides_ FROM HOUSE OF _Megadorus_. + +_Lyc._ + + Quinam homo hic ante aedis nostras eiulans conqueritur maerens? + atque hic quidem Euclio est, ut opinor. + oppido ego interii: palamst res, + scit peperisse iam, ut ego opinor, filiam suam. nunc mi incertumst + abeam an maneam, an adeam an fugiam quid agam edepol nescio. 730 + + Who in the world is raising all this howling, groaning + hullabaloo before our house here? (_looking round_) Upon my + word, it’s Euclio, I do believe. (_drawing back_) My time + has certainly come: it’s all out. He’s just learned about + his daughter’s child, I suppose. Now I can’t decide whether + to leave or stay, advance or retreat. By Jove, I don’t know + what to do! + + +IV. 10 + + Scene 10. + +_Eucl._ + + Quis homo hic loquitur? + + (_hearing sound of voice only_) Who’s that talking here? + +_Lyc._ + + Ego sum miser. + + (_stepping forward_) I’m the poor wretch, sir. + +_Eucl._ + + Immo ego sum, et misere perditus, + cui tanta mala maestitudoque optigit. + + No, no, I’m the poor wretch, a poor ruined wretch, with all + this trouble and tribulation. + +_Lyc._ + + Animo bono es. + + Keep your courage up, sir. + +_Eucl._ + + Quo, obsecro, pacto esse possum? + + For heaven’s sake how can I? + +_Lyc._ + + Quia istuc facinus, quod tuom + sollicitat animum, id ego feci et fateor. + + Well, sir, that outrage that distresses you--(_hesitantly_) + I’m to blame, and I confess it, sir. + +_Eucl._ + + Quid ego ex te audio? + + Hey? What’s that? + +_Lyc._ + + Id quod verumst. + + The truth. + +_Eucl._ + + Quid ego de te commerui, adulescens, mali. + quam ob rem ita faceres meque meosque perditum ires liberos? + + How have I ever harmed you, young man, for you to act like + this and try to ruin me and my children? + +_Lyc._ + + Deus impulsor mihi fuit, is me ad illam inlexit. + + It was some demon got hold of me, sir, and led me on. + +_Eucl._ + + Quo modo? + + How is this? + +_Lyc._ + + Fateor peccavisse et me culpam commeritum scio; + id adeo te oratum advenio ut animo aequo ignoscas mihi. + + I admit I’ve done wrong, sir; I deserve your reproaches, + and I know it; more than that, I’ve come to beg you to be + patient and forgive me. + +_Eucl._ + + Cur id ausu’s facere, ut id quod non tuom esset tangeres? 740 + + How did you dare do it, dare touch what didn’t belong to you? + +_Lyc._ + + Quid vis fieri? factum est illud: fieri infectum non potest. + deos credo voluisse; nam ni vellent, nori fieret, scio. + + (_penitently_) Well, well, sir,--it’s done, and it can’t + be undone. I think it must have been fated; otherwise it + wouldn’t have happened, I’m sure of that. + +_Eucl._ + + At ego deos credo voluisse ut apud me te in nervo enicem. + + Yes, and I think it must have been fated that I’m to shackle + you at my house and murder you! + +_Lyc._ + + Ne istuc dixis. + + Don’t say that, sir. + +_Eucl._ + + Quid tibi ergo meam me invito tactiost? + + Then why did you lay hands on what was mine, without my + permission? + +_Lyc._ + + Quia vini vitio atque amoris feci. + + It was all because of drink ... and ... love, sir. + +_Eucl._ + + Homo audacissime, + cum istacin te oratione huc ad me adire ausum, impudens! + nam si istuc ius est ut tu istuc excusare possies, + luci claro deripiamus aurum matronis palam, + post id si prehensi simus, excusemus ebrios + nos fecisse amoris causa. nimis vilest vinum atque amor, 750 + si ebrio atque amanti impune facere quod lubeat licet. + + The colossal impudence of it! To dare to come to me with a + tale like that, you shameless rascal! Why, if it’s legal to + clear yourself that way, we should be stripping ladies of + their jewellery on the public highways in broad daylight! + And then when we were caught we’d excuse ourselves on the + score that we were drunk, and did it out of love. Drink and + love are altogether too cheap, if your drunken lover can do + what he likes and not suffer for it. + +_Lyc._ + + Quin tibi ultro supplicatum venio obstultitiam meam. + + Yes, but I’ve come of my own accord sir, to entreat you to + pardon my madness. + +_Eucl._ + + Non mi homines placent qui quando male fecerunt purigant. + tu illam scibas non tuam esse. non attactam oportuit. + + I have no patience with men who do wrong and then try to + explain it away. You knew you had no right to act so: you + should have kept hands off. + +_Lyc._ + + Ergo quia sum tangere ausus, haud causificor quin eam + ego habeam potissimum. + + Well, now that I did venture to act so, I have no objection + to holding to it, sir,--I ask nothing better. + +_Eucl_ + + Tun habeas me invito meam? + + (_more angry_) Hold to it? Against my will? + +_Lyc._ + + Haud te invito postulo, sed meam esse oportere arbitror. + quin tu iam invenies, inquam, meam illam esse oportere, Euclio. + + I won’t insist on it against your will, sir, but I do think + my claim is just. Why, you’ll soon come to realize the + justice of it yourself, sir, I assure you. + +_Eucl._ + + Iam quidem hercle te ad praetorem rapiam et tibi scribam dicam, + nisi refers. + + I’ll march you off to court and sue you, by heaven I will, + this minute, unless you bring it back. + +_Lyc._ + + Quid tibi ego referam? + + I? Bring what back? + +_Eucl._ + + Quod surripuisti meum. 760 + + What you stole from me. + +_Lyc._ + + Surripui ego tuom? unde? aut quid id est? + + I stole something of yours? Where from? What? + +_Eucl._ + + Ita te amabit Iuppiter + ut tu nescis. + + (_ironically_) God bless your innocence--you don’t know! + +_Lyc._ + + Nisi quidem tu mihi quid quaeras dixeris. + + Not unless you say what you’re looking for. + +_Eucl._ + + Aulam auri, inquam, te resposco, quam tu confessu’s mihi + te abstulisse. + + The pot of gold, I tell you; I want back the pot of gold you + owned up to taking. + +_Lyc._ + + Neque edepol ego dixi neque feci. + + Great heavens, man! I never said that or did it, either. + +_Eucl._ + + Negas? + + You deny it? + +_Lyc._ + + Pernego immo. nam neque ego aurum neque istaec aula quae siet + scio nec novi. + + Deny it? Absolutely. Why, I don’t know, haven’t any idea, + about your gold, or what that pot is. + +_Eucl._ + + Illam, ex Silvani luco quam abstuleras, cedo. + i, refer. dimidiam tecum potius partem dividam. + tam etsi fur mihi es, molestus non ero. i vero, refer. + + The one you took from the grove of Silvanus--give it me. Go, + bring it back. (_pleadingly_) You can have half of it, yes, + yes, I’ll divide. Even though you are such a thief, I won’t + make any trouble for you. Do, do go and bring it back, oh do! + +_Lyc._ + + Sanus tu non es qui furem me voces. ego te, Euclio, + de alia re rescivisse censui, quod ad me attinet; 770 + [16]magna est res quam ego tecum otiose, si otium est, cupio loqui. + + Man alive, you’re out of your senses, calling me a thief. + I supposed you had found out about something else that does + concern me, Euclio. There’s an important matter I’m anxious + to talk over quietly with you, sir, if you’re at leisure. + +_Eucl._ + + Dic bona fide: tu id aurum non surripuisti? + + Give me your word of honour: you didn’t steal that gold? + +_Lyc._ + + Bona. + + (_shaking his head_) On my honour. + +_Eucl._ + + Neque eum scis qui abstulerit? + + And you don’t know the man that did take it? + +_Lyc._ + + Istuc quoque bona. + + Nor that, either, on my honour. + +_Eucl._ + + Atque id si scies + qui abstulerit, mihi indicabis? + + And if you learn who took it, you’ll inform me? + +_Lyc._ + + Faciam. + + I will. + +_Eucl._ + + Neque partem tibi + ab eo qui habet indipisces neque furem excipies? + + And you won’t go shares with the man that has it, or shield + the thief? + +_Lyc._ + + Ita. + + No. + +_Eucl._ + + Quid si fallis? + + What if you deceive me? + +_Lyc._ + + Tum me faciat quod volt magnus Iuppiter. + + Then, sir, may I be dealt with as great God sees fit. + +_Eucl._ + + Sat habeo. age nunc loquere quid vis. + + That will suffice. All right now, say what you want. + +_Lyc._ + + Si me novisti minus, + genere quo sim gnatus: hic mihi est Megadorus avonculus, + meus pater fuit Antimachus, ego vocor Lyconides. + mater est Eunomia. + + In case you’re not acquainted with my family connections, + sir,--Megadorus here is my uncle: my father was Antimachus, + and my own name is Lyconides: Eunomia is my mother. + +_Eucl._ + + Novi genus. nunc quid vis? id volo 780 + noscere. + + I know who you are. Now what do you want? That’s what I wish + to know. + +_Lyc._ + + Filiam ex te tu habes. + + You have a daughter. + +_Eucl._ + + Immo eccillam domi. + + Yes, yes, at home there! + +_Lyc._ + + Eam tu despondisti, opinor, meo avonculo? + + You have betrothed her to my uncle, I understand. + +_Eucl._ + + Omnem rem tenes. + + Precisely, precisely. + +_Lyc._ + + Is me nunc renuntiare repudium iussit tibi. + + He has asked me to inform you now that he breaks the + engagement. + +_Eucl._ + + Repudium rebus paratis, exornatis nuptiis? + ut illum di immortales omnes deaeque quantum est perduint, + quem propter hodie auri tantum perdidi infelix, miser. + + (_furious_) Breaks the engagement, with everything ready, + the wedding prepared for? May all the everlasting powers + above consume that villain that’s to blame for my losing my + gold, all that gold, poor God forsaken creature that I am! + +_Lyc._ + + Bono animo es, bene dice. nunc quae res tibi et gnatae tuae + bene feliciterque vortat--ita di faxint, inquito. + + Brace up, sir: don’t curse. And now for some thing that I + pray will turn out well and happily for yourself and your + daughter--“God grant it may!” Say that. + +_Eucl._ + + Ita di faciant. + + (_doubtfully_) God grant it may! + +_Lyc._ + + Et mihi ita di faciant. audi nunciam. + qui homo culpam admisit in se, nullust tam parvi preti, 790 + quom pudeat, quin purget sese. nunc te obtestor, Euclio, + ut si quid ego erga te imprudens peccavi aut gnatam tuam, + ut mi ignoscas eamque uxorem mihi des, ut leges iubent. + ego me iniuriam fecisse filiae fateor tuae, + Cereris vigiliis, per vinum atque impulsu adulescentiae. + + And God grant it may for me, too! Now listen, sir. There + isn’t a man alive so worthless but what he wants to clear + himself when he’s done wrong and is ashamed. Now, sir, if + I’ve injured you or your daughter without realizing what I + was doing, I implore you to forgive me and let me marry her + as I’m legally bound to. (_nervously_) It was the night of + Ceres’ festival ... and what with wine and ... a young + fellow’s natural impulses together ... I wronged her, + I confess it. + +_Eucl._ + + Ei mihi, quod ego facinus ex te audio? + + Oh, oh, my God! What villainy am I hearing of? + +_Lyc._ + + Cur eiulas, + quem ego avom feci iam ut esses filiai nuptus? + nam tua gnata peperit, decumo mense post: numerum cape; + ea re repudium remisit avonculus causa mea. + i intro, exquaere, sitne ita ut ego praedico. + + (_patting his shoulder_) Lamenting, sir, lamenting, when + you’re a grandfather, and this your daughter’s wedding day? + You see it’s the tenth month since the festival--reckon it + up--and we have a child, sir. This explains my uncle’s + breaking the engagement: he did it for my sake. Go in and + inquire if it isn’t just as I tell you. + +_Eucl._ + + Perii oppido, 800 + ita mihi ad malum malae res plurimae se adglutinant. + ibo intro, ut quid huius verum sit sciam. + + Oh, my life is wrecked, wrecked! The way calamities swarm + down and settle on me one after another! Go in I will, and + have the truth of it! [EXIT INTO HIS HOUSE. + +_Lyc._ + + Iam te sequor + haec propemodum iam esse in vado salutis res videtur + nunc servom esse ubi dicam meum Strobilum non reperio; + nisi etiam hic opperiar tamen paulisper, postea intro + hunc subsequar. nunc interim spatium ei dabo exquirendi + meum factum ex gnatae pedisequa nutrice anu. ea rem novit. + + (_as he disappears_) I’ll soon be with you, sir. (_after + a pause, contentedly_) It does look as if we were pretty + nearly safe in the shallows now. (_looking around_) Where in + the world my fellow Strobilus is I can’t imagine. Well, the + only thing to do is to wait here a bit longer; then I’ll + join father-in-law inside. Meanwhile I’ll let him have an + opportunity to inquire into the case from the old nurse + that’s been his daughter’s maid: she knows about it all. + (_waits in doorway_) + + + + +ACTVS V + + ACT V + + + ENTER _Strobilus._ + +_Strob._ + + Di immortales quibus et quantis me donatis gaudiis. + quadrilibrem aulam auro onustam habeo. quis me est ditior? + quis me Athenis nunc magis quisquam est + homo cui di sint propitii? 810 + + Ye immortal gods, what joy, what bliss, ye bless me with! + I have a four pound pot of gold, chock full of gold! Show me + a man that’s richer! Who’s the chap in all Athens now that + Heaven’s kinder to than me? + +_Lyc._ + + Certo enim ego vocem hic loquentis modo mi audire visus sum. + + Why, it surely seemed as if I heard some one’s voice just + then. (_catches a glimpse of Strobilus’s face, the latter + wheeling around as he sees Lyconides_) + +_Strob._ + + Hem, + erumne ego aspicio meum? + + (_aside_) Hm! Is that master there? + +_Lyc._ + + Videon ego hunc servom meum? + + (_aside_) My servant, is it? + +_Strob._ + + Ipsus est. + + (_aside, after a quick glance_) It’s the governor. + +_Lyc._ + + Haud alius est. + + (_aside_) Himself. + +_Strob._ + + Congrediar. + + (_aside_) Here goes. (_moves toward Lyconides_) + +_Lyc._ + + Contollam gradum. + credo ego illum, ut iussi, eampse anum adiisse, huius nutricem + virginis. + + (_aside_) I’ll go meet him. No doubt he’s followed + instructions and been to see that old woman I mentioned, my + girl’s nurse. + +_Strob._ + + Quin ego illi me invenisse dico hanc praedam[17]? + igitur orabo ut manu me emittat. ibo atque eloquar. + repperi-- + + (_aside_) Why not tell him I’ve found this prize? Then I’ll + beg him to set me free. I’ll up and let him have the whole + story. (_to Lyconides, as they meet_) I’ve found-- + +_Lyc._ + + Quid repperisti? + + (_scoffingly_) Found what? + +_Strob._ + + Non quod pueri clamitant + in faba se repperisse. + + No such trifle as youngsters hurrah over finding in a + bean.[E] + + [Footnote E: It is uncertain what they did find.] + +_Lyc._ + + Iamne autem, ut soles? deludis. + + At your old tricks? You’re chaffing. (_pretends to be about + to leave_) + +_Strob._ + + Ere, mane, eloquar iam, ausculta. + + Hold on, sir: I’ll tell you all about it this minute. + Listen. + +_Lyc._ + + Age ergo loquere. + + Well, well, then, tell away. + +_Strob._ + + Repperi hodie, 820 + ere, divitias nimias. + + Sir, to-day I’ve found--boundless riches! + +_Lyc._ + + Ubinam? + + (_interested_) You have? Where? + +_Strob._ + + Quadrilibrem, inquam, aulam auri plenam. + + A four pound pot, sir, I tell you, a four pound pot just + full of gold! + +_Lyc._ + + Quod ego facinus audio ex te? Euclioni hic seni subripuit. + ubi id est aurum? + + What’s all this you’ve done? He’s the man that robbed old + Euclio. Where is this gold? + +_Strob._ + + In arca apud me. nunc volo me emitti manu. + + In a box at home. Now I want you to set me free. + +_Lyc._ + + Egone te emittam manu, + scelerum cumulatissime? + + (_angrily_) I set you free, you, you great lump of iniquity? + +_Strob._ + + Abi, ere, scio quam rem geras. + lepide hercle animum tuom temptavi. iam ut eriperes apparabas: + quid faceres, si repperissem? + + (_crestfallen, then laughing heartily_) Go along with you, + sir! I know what you’re after. Gad! that was clever of me, + testing you in that way! And you were just getting ready to + drop on it! Now what would you be doing, if I really had + found it? + +_Lyc._ + + Non potes probasse nugas. + i, redde aurum. + + No, no, that won’t pass. Off with you: hand over the gold. + +_Strob._ + + Reddam ego aurum? + + Hand over the gold? I? + +_Lyc._ + + Redde, inquam, ut huic reddatur. + + Yes, hand it over, so that it may be handed over to Euclio. + +_Strob._ + + Unde? + + Gold? Where from? + +_Lyc._ + + Quod modo fassu’s esse in arca. + + The gold you just admitted was in the box. + +_Strob._ + + Soleo hercle ego garrire nugas. 830 + +_Lyc._ + + [18] + +_Strob._ + + Ita loquor. + + That’s what I say. + +_Lyc._ + + At scin quomodo?[19] + + (_seizing him_) See here, do you know what you’ll get? + +_Strob._ + + Vel hercle enica, + numquam hinc feres a me. + + By heaven, sir, you can even kill me, but you won’t have it + from me, never-- + + _The rest of the play is lost, save for a few fragments. + Apparently Lyconides, on returning the pot of gold, was + given permission to marry Euclio’s daughter; and Euclio, + having a change of heart, or influenced by his Household + God, gave it to the young couple as a wedding present._ + + + + +FRAGMENTA + + FRAGMENTS + + pro illis corcotis, strophiis, sumptu uxorio I + + Instead of those fine saffron dresses, girdles, trousseau + outlay + + ut admemordit hominem II + + How he fleeced the man + +_Eucl._ + + ego ecfodiebam in die denos scrobes. III + + I used to be digging ten ditches a day. + +_Eucl._ + + nec noctu nec diu IV + quietus umquam servabam eam: nunc dormiam. + + I never had a bit of rest day or night watching it: now I + shall sleep. + + qui mi holera cruda ponunt, hallec adduint. V + + People that serve me raw vegetables ought to add some sauce. + + * * * * * + + [Footnote 1: Leo brackets following v., 266: + _credo ego illum iam inaudivisse mi esse thensaurum domi._] + + [Footnote 2: 299, 300 inverted, Gulielmius: + Leo, following Havet, assumes lacuna after 298.] + + [Footnote 3: Leo notes lacuna here: _etiam tu_ Leo.] + + [Footnote 4: Corrupt (Leo): + _stultu’s et sine gratiast ibi_ Gulielmius.] + + [Footnote 5: Leo brackets following v., 393: + _nimirum occidor, nisi ego intro huc propere propero currere._] + + [Footnote 6: _Attatae_ Lindsay: _optate_ MSS: + _cives_ V^2: _vires_ B: _vives_ D V^1.] + + [Footnote 7: Corrupt (Leo): Goetz deletes _coepit_.] + + [Footnote 8: Corrupt (Leo): _manupretium_ Leo for _manubrium_.] + + [Footnote 9: Leo brackets following v., 472: + _quid opust verbis? acta est pugna in gallo gallinacio._] + + [Footnote 10: Corrupt (Leo): _myrobaptarii_ Leo.] + + [Footnote 11: Leo brackets following v., 515: + _petunt fullones, sorcinatores petunt._] + + [Footnote 12: _curiosam_ MSS: _curionem_ Gulielmius, + followed by Leo and others.] + + [Footnote 13: Leo brackets following v., 592-598: + _nam qui amanti ero servitutem servit, quasi ego servio,_ + _si erum videt superare amorem, hoc servi est officium reor,_ + _retinere ad salutem, non enim quo incumbat eo impellere._ + _quasi pueri qui nare discunt scirpea induitur ratis, _ (595) + _qui laborent minus, facilius ut nent et moveant manus,_ + _eodem modo servom ratem esse amanti ero aequom censeo,_ + _ut eum toleret, ne pessum abeat tamquam--_] + + [For when a slave’s slaving it like I am for a master who is + in love, if he sees his master’s heart is running away with + him, it’s the slave’s duty, in my opinion, to hold him in + and save him and not hurry him on the way he’s headed. It’s + like boys learning to swim: they lie on a rush float so as + not to have to work so hard and so as to swim more easily + and use their arms. In the same way I hold that a slave + ought to be his master’s float, if his master’s in love, so + as to support him and not let him go to the bottom like--] + + [Footnote 14: Corrupt (Leo): _eri ille_ Wagner.] + + [Footnote 15: Corrupt (Leo): _revideam_ Bothe.] + + [Footnote 16: Corrupt (Leo): _res_ excised by Hare.] + + [Footnote 17: _praedam atque eloquar_ MSS: + Leo brackets _atque eloquar_.] + + [Footnote 18: Leo notes lacuna here. + _Non te habere dicis aurum_ Leo.] + + [Footnote 19: Leo notes lacuna here. + _Verberibus caedere donec reddideris_ Leo.] + + * * * * * + +[Transcriber’s Corrections: _Aulularia_ (_The Pot of Gold)_ + + Argument II + a rascally servant of the girl’s assailant + text reads _the girls’ assailant_ ] + + II. 1. l. 141 + nec tibi advorsari certum est + text reads _ned tibi_ + + II. 3. l. 270 + _Eucl._ Vascula intus... + _Eucl._ Hurry up with the dishes... + speaker not named (continues from previous scene) + + III. 6. l. 537 + _Eucl._ Nimium lubenter... + _Eucl._ Gratified, highly gratified... + Latin scene break adjusted to agree with English ] + + * * * * * + * * * * + * * * * * + + +BACCHIDES + + + * * * * * + +PERSONAE + + DRAMATIS PERSONAE + +PISTOCLERVS ADVLESCENS +BACCHIS - SOROR MERETRIX +BACCHIS - SOROR MERETRIX +LYDVS PAEDAGOGVS +CHRYSALVS SERVVS +NICOBVLVS SENEX +MNESILOCHVS ADVLESCENS +PHILOXENVS SENEX +PARASITVS +PVER +ARTAMO LORARIVS +CLEOMACHVS MILES + + PISTOCLERUS, _son of Philoxenus._ + BACCHIS OF ATHENS, _courtesan._ + BACCHIS OF SAMOS, _her sister, courtesan._ + LYDUS, _slave of Philoxenus and tutor of Pistoclerus._ + CHRYSALUS, _slave of Nicobulus and Mnesilochus._ + NICOBULUS, _an old gentleman of Athens._ + MNESILOCHUS, _his son._ + PHILOXENUS, _an old gentleman of Athens._ + A PARASITE, _a retainer of the Captain’s._ + A PAGE _in the service of the Captain._ + ARTAMO, _Nicobulus’s slave overseer._ + CLEOMACHUS, _a Captain._ + + + + + _Scene:--Athens. A street with the houses of Bacchis and + Nicobulus side by side._ + + + _The first part of the play is lost, save for a few + fragments, together with the last part of THE POT OF GOLD: + Leo’s summary of it follows:_ + + _Pistoclerus has received a letter from his friend + Mnesilochus at Ephesus asking for help in his love affair. + He has been captivated by a girl there named Bacchis, who + has been hired for a year by a certain Captain Cleomachus + and taken by him to Athens. Mnesilochus wishes his friend + to find Bacchis and obtain her release from the Captain. + A servant of Bacchis of Athens has gone down to the harbour + and comes back to her mistress with the report that her + sister Bacchis has arrived. In charge of a slave of the + Captain’s this sister appears. The sisters meet with + Pistoclerus, who is in search of his friend’s sweetheart, + and determine to make him useful._ + + + + +FRAGMENTA + + FRAGMENTS + + quibus ingenium in animo utibilest, + modicum et sine vernilitate I (IV G) + + Those with a mental make-up of the right sort, modest and + civil. + + vincla, virgae, molae: saevitudo mala fit peior II (V) + + Shackles, whips, work in the mill: frightful cruelty gets to + be more frightful. + + converrite[1] scopis, agite strenue III (VI) + + Sweep (it) up with your brooms: come, be lively. + + ecquis evocat IV (VII) + cum nassiterna et cum aqua istum impurissimum? + + Some one call out that vile wretch with a big pail and some + water. + + sicut lacte lactis similest V (VIII) + + As much alike as two drops of milk are. + + _Bacch._ + illa mi cognominis fuit VI (III) + + She had the same name as myself + + latro suam qui auro vitam venditat VII (IX) + + A mercenary who sells his life for gold. + + scio spiritum eius maiorem esse multo VIII (X) + quam folles taurini habent, cum liquescunt + petrae, ferrum ubi fit. + + I’m sure his breathing’s much louder than the puffs from a + bull’s-hide bellows when they’re melting rocks at the iron-works. + + Cuiatis tibi visust? IX (XI) + Praenestinum opino esse, ita erat gloriosus. + neque id haud subditiva gloria oppidum arbitror. + + Where does he come from, do you think? + Praeneste, probably, to judge from his boasting. + I don’t think the town’s fame is at all supposititious. + + _Puer._ + ne a quoquam acciperes alio mercedem annuam, X (XVII) + nisi ab sese, nec cum quiquam limares caput. + + _Page_ + Not to let you take a yearly fee from anyone else but him, + or rub heads with anyone. + + limaces viri XI (XVIII) + + Slugs of men. + + cor meum, spes mea, XII (XIII) + mel meum, suavitudo, cibus, gaudium. + + My heart, my hope, my honey, sweetness, food delight. + + sine te amem XIII (XIV) + + Do let me love you + + Cupidon tecum saevust anne Amor? XIV (XIX) + + Is it Cupid, or Love, raging within you? + + Vlixem audivi fuisse aerumnosissimum, XV (I) + qui annis viginti errans a patria afuit; + verum hic adulescens multo Vlixem anteit[2] + qui ilico errat intra muros civicos. + + They say Ulysses had an awfully hard time of it, away from + home as he was for twenty years, wandering round. But this + young gentleman is a long way ahead of Ulysses with his + wandering round here inside the city walls. + + quidquid est nomen sibi XVI (II) + + Whatever her (his) name is + + _Pistoc._ + quae sodalem atque me exercitos habet XVII + + A girl that has been keeping my chum and me exercised + + nam credo cuivis excantare cor potes. XVIII + + For I do believe you can witch the heart out of anyone you + please + + sin lenocinium forte collibitum est tibi, XIX + videas mercedis quid tibi est aecum dari, + ne istac aetate me sectere gratiis. 30 + + But if pandering happens to have caught your fancy, you + should consider what price ought to be paid you, that you + may not run after me at that time of life for nothing. + + Arabus. XX + + Arabian + + + + + _Bacchis_ AND HER SISTER ARE STANDING TOGETHER TALKING. + _Pistoclerus_ APART. + +_Bacch._ + + Quid si hoc potis est ut tu taceas, ego loquar? + + How about your keeping a quiet tongue yourself, if possible, + and my doing the talking? + +_Soror._ + + Lepide, licet. + + Charming! By all means. + +_Bacch._ + + Ubi me fugiet memoria, ibi tu facito ut subvenias, soror. + + In case my memory deserts me, see you come to the rescue, + sister. + +_Soror._ + + Pol magis metuo, ne defuerit mi in monendo oratio. + + Goodness me! I’m more afraid of sage suggestions failing + myself. + +_Bacch._ + + Pol ego metuo, lusciniolae ne defuerit cantio. + sequere hac. + + (_laughing_) Goodness me! And I’m afraid of song failing + the little nightingale. Come on. (_leads the way toward + Pistoclerus_) + +_Pistoc._ + + Quid agunt duae germanae meretrices cognomines? + quid in consilio consuluistis? + + (_aside, nervously_) What are those two up to, those harlot + sisters with the same name? (_aloud, trying to assume the + air of a man of the world_) What have you girls settled on + in that session? + +_Bacch._ + + Bene. + + Something nice. + +_Pistoc._ + + Pol haud meretricium est. 40 + + By Jove! Unusual in the profession! + +_Bacch._ + + Miserius nihil est quam mulier. + + (_in apparent dejection_) Oh, there’s nothing more + miserable than a woman! + +_Pistoc._ + + Quid esse dices dignius? + + And what ought to be more so, in your opinion? + +_Bacch._ + + Haec ita me orat, sibi qui caveat aliquem ut hominem reperiam, + ut istunc militem--ut, ubi emeritum sibi sit, se revehat domum. + id, amabo te, huic caveas. + + My sister here is imploring me to find some one to stand by + her, so that our Captain--so that he may carry her back home + when she’s served her time. Do stand by her in this, there’s + a dear. + +_Pistoc._ + + Quid isti caveam? + + Stand by her? How? + +_Bacch._ + + Ut revehatur domum, + ubi ei dediderit operas, ne hanc ille habeat pro ancilla sibi; + nam si haec habeat aurum quod illi renumeret, faciat lubens. + + To have her carried back home when she’s finished her + service, so that he mayn’t keep her for his maid servant. + Why, if she only had the money to pay him back, she’d be + glad to do it. + +_Pistoc._ + + Ubi nunc is homost? + + Where is this man at present? + +_Bacch._ + + Iam hic credo aderit. sed hoc idem apud nos rectius + poteris agere; atque is dum veniat, sedens ibi opperibere. + eadem biberis, eadem dedero tibi, ubi biberis, savium. + + He’ll be here soon, I suppose. But this is a matter you can + manage better at our house; yes, you sit down and wait there + till he comes. (_coaxingly_) You shall have something + to drink, too, and after that I’ll give you just the nicest + sort of kiss, too. + +_Pistoc._ + + Viscus merus vostrast blanditia. + + Nothing but birdlime, these honeyed words. + +_Bacch._ + + Quid iam? + + Oh now, why? + +_Pistoc._ + + Quia enim intellego, 50 + duae unum expetitis palumbem,[3] perii harundo alas verberat. + non ego istuc facinus mihi, mulier, conducibile esse arbitror. + + Well, because here you are, the pair of you, after one lone + pigeon. (_aside_) Damnation! The limed twigs are brushing + my wings! (_aloud, stiffly_) Madam, I consider this an + unprofitable business for me to be in. + +_Bacch._ + + Qui, amabo? + + Bless your heart, why so? + +_Pistoc._ + + Quia, Bacchis, bacchas metuo et bacchanal tuom. + + Well, Bacchis, I’m afraid of Bacchantes and your Bacchante + resort. + +_Bacch._ + + Quid est? quid metuis? ne tibi lectus malitiam apud me suadeat? + + How’s that? What are you afraid of? The couch’s tempting you + to be naughty with me? + +_Pistoc._ + + Magis illectum tuom quam lectum metuo. mala tu es bestia. + nam huic aetati non conducit, mulier, latebrosus locus. + + It’s not so much the couch as the couch’s alluring occupant + I’m afraid of. You’re a dangerous animal. Why, dens of + darkness don’t become a young fellow like me. + +_Bacch._ + + Egomet, apud me si quid stulte facere cupias, prohibeam. + sed ego apud me te esse ob eam rem, miles cum veniat, volo, + quia, cum tu aderis, huic mihique haud faciet quisquam iniuriam: + tu prohibebis, et eadem opera tuo sodali operam dabis; 60 + et ille adveniens tuam med esse amicam suspicabitur. + quid, amabo, opticuisti? + + (_quite artless_) If you felt like doing anything silly + there with me, I’d stop you my own self. But this is why I + want you to be at my house when the Captain comes--because + no one will do her (_pointing to sister_) or me any harm + when you’re by. You’ll prevent it, and be helping along your + chum at the same time; and when that military man arrives, + he’ll take me for your sweetheart. Now, now, my dearie,-- + why so silent? + +_Pistoc._ + + Quia istaec lepida sunt memoratui: + eadem in usu atque ubi periclum facias, aculeata sunt, + animum fodicant, bona distimulant, facta et famam sauciant. + + Because those words of yours have a pretty sound: but when + a fellow takes ’em up and tries ’em they’re barbed--they + pink a heart, run a fortune through, disable a character + and reputation. + +_Soror_ + + Quid ab hac metuis? + + Why are you afraid of her? + +_Pistoc._ + + Quid ego metuam rogitas? adulescens homo + penetrem me huius modi in palaestram, + ubi damnis desudascitur?[4] (66) + + Why am I afraid of her, eh? A young fellow like me to enter + a physical training school of this sort (_pointing to + Bacchis’s house_) where a man only sweats himself to + insolvency? + +_Bacch._ + + Lepide memoras. + + (_with pretended admiration_) You do say such clever things! + +_Pistoc._ + + Ubi ego capiam pro machaera turturem,[5] (68) + pro galea scaphium, pro insigni sit corolla plectilis, 70 + pro hasta talos, pro lorica malacum capiam pallium, + ubi mihi pro equo lectus detur, scortum pro scuto accubet? + apage a me, apage. + + Where my sword would be a turtle dove, my helmet a wine + bowl, my plume a woven chaplet, my spear a dice box, my + corselet a downy robe; where I’d be given a couch for a + horse, with a bad, bad girl beside me for a buckler? + Hence! Avaunt! + +_Bacch._ + + Ah, nimium ferus es. + + Ah, you’re too hard on us! + +_Pistoc._ + + Mihi sum. + + I am hard on myself. + +_Bacch._ + + Malacissandus es. + equidem tibi do hanc operam. + + We’ll have to soften you. Yes indeed, I’ll take you in hand + myself--(_fondling him_) this way. + +_Pistoc._ + + Ah, nimium pretiosa es operaria. + + (_submitting reluctantly_) Ah, your handiwork is too + expensive. + +_Bacch._ + + Simulato me amare. + + Do make believe you love me. + +_Pistoc._ + + Utrum ego istuc iocon adsimulem an serio? + + (_smiling_) Make believe in fun, or as if I meant business? + +_Bacch._ + + Heia, hoc agere meliust. miles quom huc adveniat, te volo + me amplexari. + + (_reprovingly_) Now, now! here’s what we’d better do. When + the Captain arrives I want you to hug me. + +_Pistoc._ + + Quid eo mi opus est? + + What’s the use of my doing that? + +_Bacch._ + + Ut ille te videat volo. + scio quid ago. + + I want him to see you. I know what I’m doing. + +_Pistoc._ + + Et pol ego scio quid metuo. sed quid ais? + + Gad! And I know what I’m fearing. But, I say. + +_Bacch._ + + Quid est? + + Well? + +_Pistoc._ + + Quid si apud te eveniat desubito prandium aut potatio + forte aut cena, ut solet in istis fieri conciliabulis, 80 + ubi ego tum accumbam? + + What if there should happen to be an impromptu luncheon or + drinking party at your house, or a dinner party, perhaps-- + the ordinary thing at resorts like yours--where would my + place be then? + +_Bacch._ + + Apud me, mi anime, ut lepidus cum lepida accubet. + locus hic apud nos, quamvis subito venias, semper liber est. + ubi tu lepide voles esse tibi “mea rosa,” mihi dicito + “dato qui bene sit”: ego ubi bene sit tibi locum lepidum dabo. + + Next to me, darling; a nice boy and a nice girl side by + side. This place at my house is your very own always, no + matter how unexpectedly you come. Whenever you want to have + a nice time just say, “Give me a comfy place, rosey dear,” + and I’ll give you a nice place to be comfy in. + +_Pistoc._ + + Rapidus fluvius est hic, non hac temere transiri potest. + + (_half to himself_) This is a rapid stream: dangerous + crossing here! + +_Bacch._ + + Atque ecastor apud hunc fluvium aliquid perdundumst tibi. + manum da et sequere. + + (_aside_) My conscience, yes! And a stream you’re bound to + lose something in, young man! (_aloud_) Give me your hand + and come along. (_tries to take it_) + +_Pistoc._ + + Aha, minime. + + (_drawing back_) Oh no, not a bit of it! + +_Bacch._ + + Quid ita? + + Why not? + +_Pistoc._ + + Quia istoc inlecebrosius + fieri nil potest: nox mulier vinum homini adulescentulo. + + Because a young fellow couldn’t be offered a more enticing + combination than that--wine, woman, and evening hours. + +_Bacch._ + + Age igitur, equidem pol nihili facio nisi causa tua. + ille quidem hanc abducet; tu nullus adfueris, si non lubet. 90 + + All right then. Dear me, I don’t mind at all except for your + sake, indeed I don’t. To be sure he’ll carry her off; but + don’t you come near me if you don’t like to. (_looks at him + sadly and appealingly_) + +_Pistoc._ + + Sumne autem nihili, qui nequeam ingenio moderari meo? + + (_half aside_) So I’ve no mind at all, eh--no power to + control myself? + +_Bacch._ + + Quid est quod metuas? + + What is it you’re afraid of? + +_Pistoc._ + + Nihil est, nugae. mulier, tibi me emancupo: + tuos sum, tibi dedo operam. + + (_pauses, then ardently_) Nothing! Bagatelles! I surrender + myself to you, my lady: I’m all your own; command me. + +_Bacch._ + + Lepidu’s. nunc ego te facere hoc volo. + ego sorori meae cenam hodie dare volo viaticam: + eo tibi argentum iubebo iam intus ecferri foras; + tu facito opsonatum nobis sit opulentum opsonium. + + That’s a nice boy! (_petting him_) Now this is what I want + you to do. I want to give my sister a dinner to-day to + celebrate her coming. I’ll tell them to bring you out some + money at once, and you’re to see to provisioning us in + perfectly splendid style. (_turns to call to servant + hither_) + +_Pistoc._ + + Ego opsonabo, nam id flagitium meum sit, mea te gratia + et operam dare mi et ad eam operam facere sumptum de tuo. + + (_eagerly_) I’ll stand the provisioning myself: why, it + wouldn’t be decent of me to let you give me a good time, in + your kindness, and pay the bills for it too. + +_Bacch._ + + At ego nolo dare te quicquam. + + (_glancing slyly at her sister_) But I don’t want it to + cost you anything. + +_Pistoc._ + + Sine. + + Do let me. + +_Bacch._ + + Sino equidem, si lubet + propera, amabo. + + Oh, very well, if you really want to. Hurry along, there’s a + dear. + +_Pistoc._ + + Prius hic adero quam te amare desinam. 100 + + (_fondly_) I’ll be back before I’ve stopped loving you. + [EXIT _Pistoclerus_. + +_Soror_ + + Bene me accipies advenientem, mea soror. + + You’re going to entertain me finely on my arrival, sister + mine. + +_Bacch._ + + Quid ita, obsecro? + + Indeed? Why do you say that? + +_Soror_ + + Quia piscatus meo quidem animo hic tibi hodie + evenit bonus. + + Well, that’s something fine in the fish line (_with a smile + toward the retreating figure of Pistoclerus_) you’ve landed + to-day, at least I think so. + +_Bacch._ + + Meus ille quidemst. tibi nunc operam dabo de + Mnesilocho, soror, + ut hic accipias potius aurum, quam hinc eas cum milite. + + Oh yes, I’ve caught him all right. Now I must help you out + in regard to Mnesilochus, my dear, so that you may pick up + some money here rather than go trooping off with the + Captain. + +_Soror_ + + Cupio. + + I do so wish you would. + +_Bacch._ + + Dabitur opera. aqua calet. eamus hinc + intro, ut laves. + nam uti navi vecta es, credo timida es. + + We’ll see to it. (_going toward house_) The water’s hot: + let’s go inside so that you may bathe. For after that sea + trip of yours I dare say you’re feeling shaky. + +_Soror_ + + Aliquantum, soror.[6] (106) + + More or less, sister. + +_Bacch._ + + Sequere hac igitur me intro in lectum, ut sedes lassitudinem. (108) + + Come on in with me then, so as to lie down and get rested. + [EXEUNT. + + +I. 2. + + Scene 2. + + (_An hour has elapsed._) + + ENTER _Pistoclerus_ PRECEDED BY SLAVES CARRYING PROVISIONS, + FLOWERS, ETC. _Lydus_ FOLLOWS. + +_Lydus_ + + Iam dudum, Pistoclere, tacitus te sequor, + expectans quas tu res hoc ornatu geras. 110 + namque ita me di ament, ut Lycurgus mihi quidem + videtur posse hic ad nequitiam adducier. + quo nunc capessis ted hinc adversa via + cum tanta pompa? + + (_magisterially_) I have been following you in silence for + some time, Pistoclerus, waiting to see what you were about + with this gear. (_pointing to slaves and their hampers_) + Why, Lord love me, I do believe Lycurgus[A] himself could be + led astray here. Where are you betaking yourself now, going + away up the street with such a train? + + [Footnote A: The Spartan reformer] + +_Pistoc._ + + Huc. + + (_pointing to Bacchis’s door_) Here. + +_Lydus_ + + Quid huc? quis istic habet? + + What do you mean by “here”? Who lives there? + +_Pistoc._ + + Amor, Voluptas, Venus, Venustas, Gaudium, + Iocus, Ludus, Sermo, Suavisaviatio. + + (_rapturously_) Love, Delight, Venus, Grace, Joy, Jest, + Jollity, Chitchat, Kissykissysweetkins! + +_Lydus_ + + Quid tibi commercist cum dis damnosissimis? + + (_shocked_) What commerce have you with such + pernicious, pernicious deities? + +_Pistoc._ + + Mali sunt homines, qui bonis dicunt male; + tu dis nec recte dicis: non aequom facis. + + It takes a bad man to say bad things of the good; you’re + blaspheming the gods: it’s wrong. + +_Lydus_ + + An deus est ullus Sauvisaviatio? 120 + + You mean to say there is a god Kissykissysweetkins? + +_Pistoc._ + + An non putasti esse umquam? o Lyde, es barbarus; + quem ego sapere nimio censui plus quam Thalem, + is stultior es barbaro poticio, + qui tantus natu deorum nescis nomina. + + You mean to say you didn’t ever suppose there was? Oh, + Lydus, you are a barbarian! I fancied you were ever so much + wiser than Thales and here you are, sillier than a barbarian + babe in arms--your age, and not knowing the names of the + gods! + +_Lydus_ + + Non hic placet mi ornatus. + + I do not like this paraphernalia. + +_Pistoc._ + + Nemo ergo tibi + haec apparavit: mihi paratum est quoi placet. + + Well, nobody got it together for you: it was got for me, and + I do like it. + +_Lydus_ + + Etiam me advorsus exordire argutias? + qui si decem habeas linguas, mutum esse addecet. + + Are you actually commencing to make smart replies to me? You + whom it befits to be mute, even if you had ten tongues? + +_Pistoc._ + + Non omnis aetas, Lyde, ludo convenit. + magis unum in mentemst mihi nunc, satis ut commode 130 + pro dignitate opsoni haec concuret cocus. + + We aren’t schoolboys for ever, Lydus. The one thing + uppermost in my mind just now is that the cook may do as + creditable a job on these edibles as their excellence calls + for. + +_Lydus_ + + Iam perdidisti te atque me atque operam meam, + qui tibi nequiquam saepe monstravi bene. + + Ah, now you have thrown yourself away, and me, and my + labour,--me, who many a time gave you good advice, all in + vain! + +_Pistoc._ + + Ibidem ego meam operam perdidi, ubi tu tuam: + tua disciplina nec mihi prodest nec tibi. + + I threw away my own labour at the same place you did yours: + your system of instruction is no good to either of us. + +_Lydus_ + + O praeligatum pectus. + + Oh, what an obdurate breast! + +_Pistoc._ + + Odiosus mihi es. + tace atque sequere, Lyde, me. + + You’re a bore! Keep still and come along, Lydus. + +_Lydus_ + + Illuc sis vide, + non paedagogum iam me, sed Lydum vocat. + + Now kindly look at that! He no longer calls me “Tutor,” + merely Lydus. + +_Pistoc._ + + Non par videtur neque sit consentaneum, + cum haec qui emit intus sit et cum amica accubet 140 + cumque osculetur et convivae alii accubent, + praesentibus illis paedagogus una ut siet. + + It’s not the proper thing, it would be out of place, when + the man who bought all this is inside there, and on a couch + with his mistress, kissing her--and other guests about--to + have his “Tutor” there in their presence. + +_Lydus_ + + An hoc ad eas res opsonatumst, obsecro? + + (_horrified_) In the name of heaven! These provisions + bought for such an orgy? + +_Pistoc._ + + Sperat quidem animus: quo evenat dis in manust. + + (_flippantly_) Well, of course man proposes and God + disposes. + +_Lydus_ + + Tu amicam habebis? + + You to have a mistress, you? + +_Pistoc._ + + Cum videbis, tum scies. + + (_enthusiastically_) Once you see her, then you’ll know! + +_Lydus_ + + Immo neque habebis neque sinam; i prorsum domum. + + Never! You shall not have one; I will not allow it. (_taking + Pistoclerus by the arm and trying to lead him back_) Go home + this instant. + +_Pistoc._ + + Omitte, Lyde, ac cave malo. + + (_pulling away_) Leave me alone, Lydus, and (_threateningly_) + look out for trouble. + +_Lydus_ + + Quid? cave malo? + + What? “Look out for trouble?” + +_Pistoc._ + + Iam excessit mi aetas ex magisterio tuo. + + I’m too old for you to play the teacher these days. + +_Lydus_ + + O barathrum, ubi nunc es? ut ego te usurpem lubens.[7] 149 + vixisse nimio satiust iam quam vivere. (151) + magistron quemquam discipulum minitarier?[8] + + (_tragically_) Oh, pit, where art thou now? How gladly would + I take thee for mine own! Far better that I had died than + lived for this! A pupil to threaten his teacher?[8] + +_Pistoc._ + + Fiam, ut ego opinor, Hercules, tu autem Linus. (155) + + It’s a Hercules I’ll be, I’m thinking, and you a Linus.[B] + + [Footnote B: Linus was killed by his pupil, Hercules.] + +_Lydus_ + + Pol metuo magis, ne Phoenix tuis factis fuam + teque ad patrem esse mortuom renuntiem. + + Great heavens! I have more fear of your actions forcing me + to be a Phoenix[C] and to convey to your father the news of + your death. + + [Footnote C: Phoenix, Achilles’ preceptor, informed + Peleus, Achilles’ father, of his son’s death] + +_Pistoc._ + + Satis historiarumst. + + (_impatiently_) Enough of your tales! + +_Lydus_ + + Hic vereri perdidit. + compendium edepol haud aetati optabile + fecisti, cum istanc nactu’s inpudentiam. 160 + occisus hic homo est. ecquid in mentem est tibi + patrem tibi esse? + + He is lost to shame! Great heavens! You gained nothing that + does credit to your years in acquiring this impudence. The + creature is past redemption! Does it ever occur to you that + you have a father? + +_Pistoc._ + + Tibi ego an tu mihi servos es? + + Am I your servant, or you mine? + +_Lydus_ + + Peior magister te istaec docuit, non ego. + nimio es tu ad istas res discipulus docilior, + quam ad illa quae te docui, ubi operam perdidi.[9] (165) + + It was a wicked, wicked teacher gave you these lessons, not + I! You are a much apter pupil in matters of this sort than + in the subjects I lost my labour teaching you.[9] + +_Pistoc._ + + Istactenus tibi, Lyde, libertas datast (168) + orationis. satis est. sequere hac me ac tace. + + (_coolly_) I’ve let you rant to your heart’s content, so + far, Lydus. Now drop it. Follow me this way and keep your + mouth shut. + [EXEUNT INTO THE HOUSE OF _Bacchis_, _Lydus_ RELUCTANTLY. + + + + +ACTVS II + + ACT II + + + ENTER _Chrysalus_ + +_Chrys._ + + Erilis patria, salve, quam ego biennio, 170 + postquam hinc in Ephesum abii conspicio lubens. + saluto te, vicine Apollo, qui aedibus + propinquos nostris accolis, veneroque te, + ne Nicobulum me sinas nostrum senem + prius convenire quam sodalem viderim + Mnesilochi Pistoclerum, quem ad epistulam + Mnesilochus misit super amica Bacchide. + + (_jauntily_) Greetings, land of my--master! Land that I + behold with joy after departing hence to Ephesus two years + agone! (_turning toward altar of Apollo in front of house_) + Thee I greet, neighbour Apollo, who dost dwell adjacent to + our house, and I do implore thee not to let our old man + Nicobulus fall in with me ere I see Pistoclerus, the chum + of Mnesilochus, to whom Mnesilochus hath sent a letter about + his mistress, Bacchis. + + +II. 2. + + Scene 2. + + ENTER _Pistoclerus_ FROM HOUSE OF _Bacchis._ + +_Pistoc._ + + Mirumst me ut redeam te opere tanto quaesere, + qui abire hinc nullo pacto possim, si velim + ita me vadatum amore vinctumque adtines. 180 + + (_to Bacchis within_) It seems curious, your begging me + so hard to come back, when I couldn’t possibly leave you if + I wanted, when you’ve got me so bound over to you, held fast + in the fetters of love. + +_Chrys._ + + Pro di immortales, Pistoclerum conspicor. + o Pistoclere, salve. + + Ye everlasting gods! It’s Pistoclerus. What ho, sir! How are + you? + +_Pistoc._ + + Salve, Chrysale. + + And yourself, Chrysalus? + +_Chrys._ + + Compendi verba multa iam faciam tibi + venire tu me gaudes: ego credo tibi, + hospitium et cenam pollicere, ut convenit + peregre advenienti: ego autem venturum adnuc + salutem tibi ab sodali solidam nuntio + rogabis me ubi sit: vivit. + + Here’s for saving you the trouble of a long speech, sir. + You’re glad I’ve come: I believe you. You promise to do the + honours and dine me, the stranger from afar, and so you + should: for my part, I accept. I bring you cordial greetings + from your chum. You’ll ask me where he is: alive. + +_Pistoc._ + + Nempe recte valet? + + (_eagerly_) And well, well, of course? + +_Chrys._ + + Istuc volebam ego ex te percontarier. + + That’s what I wanted to ask you. + +_Pistoc._ + + Qui scire possum? + + How can I know? + +_Chrys._ + + Nullus plus. + + None better. + +_Pistoc._ + + Quemnam ad modum? 190 + + Why, how so? + +_Chrys._ + + Quia si illa inventa est, quam ille amat, recte valet, + si non inventa est, minus valet moribundusque est + animast amica amanti. si abest, nullus est; + si adest, res nullast. ipsus est--nequam et miser, + sed tu quid factitasti mandatis super? + + Because if his ladylove has been discovered, he’s perfectly + well: if she’s not discovered, he’s not so well; he’s at + death’s door. His love is life to a lover: if she’s away, + he’s lost; if she’s there, his cash is lost, he himself + being--a poor good-for-nothing fool. But you--what have you + been doing about his commission? + +_Pistoc._ + + Egon ut, quod ab illoc attigisset nuntius, + non impetratum id advenienti ei redderem? + regiones colere mavellem Acherunticas. + + I? Am I the man to let him arrive and find the request his + messenger mentioned unattended to? I’d sooner pass my days + in the lower regions. + +_Chrys._ + + Eho, an invenisti Bacchidem? + + Hullo! You haven’t found Bacchis? + +_Pistoc._ + + Samiam quidem. 199,200 + + Yes, the Samian one. + +_Chrys._ + + Vide quaeso, ne quis tractet illam indiligens; + scis tu ut confringi vas cito Samium solet. + + (_affecting terror_) Heavens! do see that no one handles + that one carelessly; you know that Samian[D] ware, how + precious brittle it is. + + [Footnote D: A fragile and (_The Captives_ 291) cheap kind + of pottery.] + +_Pistoc._ + + Iamne ut soles? + + The same old wag, eh? + +_Chrys._ + + Dic ubi ea nunc est, obsecro. + + Tell me where she is now, for heaven’s sake. + +_Pistoc._ + + Hic, exeuntem me unde aspexisti modo. + + Here in the house you just saw me coming out of. + +_Chrys._ + + Ut istuc est lepidum: proximae viciniae + habitat, ecquidnam meminit Mnesilochi? + + Here’s a go! Residing in the immediate neighbourhood! Well, + well! does she remember Mnesilochus? + +_Pistoc._ + + Rogas? + immo unice unum plurimi pendit. + + Remember him? More than that, she thinks he’s the one and + only man on earth. + +_Chrys._ + + Papae. + + Oh pshaw! + +_Pistoc._ + + Immo ut eam credis? misera amans desiderat. + + More than that, what do you suppose her feelings are? The + poor affectionate thing is dying for him. + +_Chrys._ + + Scitum istuc. + + Quite charming! + +_Pistoc._ + + Immo, Chrysale, em, non tantulum + umquam intermittit tempus quin eum nominet. 210 + + More than that, Chrysalus--look!--she doesn’t let even so + much (_illustrating_) time pass without mentioning his name. + +_Chrys._ + + Tanto hercle melior. + + Humph! So much the better of her. + +_Pistoc._ + + Immo-- + + More than that-- + +_Chrys._ + + Immo hercle abiero + potius. + + (_bored_) More than that, by gad, I’d rather get out of + range! + +_Pistoc._ + + Num invitus rem bene gestam audis eri? + + You don’t object to hearing that your master is in a + prosperous situation, do you? + +_Chrys._ + + Non res, sed actor mihi cor odio sauciat. + etiam Epidicum, quam ego fabulam aeque ac me ipsum amo, + nullam aeque invitus specto, si agit Pellio. + sed Bacchis etiam fortis tibi visast? + + It’s not the situations that make me sick unto death; it’s + your confounding acting. Even the _Epidicus_[E]--a comedy + I love as well as my own self--well, there’s not a one I so + object to seeing, if Pellio’s playing in it. But you really + consider Bacchis a fine lively one, do you? + + [Footnote E: One of Plautus’s plays.] + +_Pistoc._ + + Rogas? + ni nanctus Venerem essem, hanc Iunonem dicerem. + + Do you ask me that? If[F] I hadn’t lighted on Venus myself, + I’d call her Juno. + + [Footnote F: Venus and Juno not being sisters.] + +_Chrys._ + + Edepol, Mnesiloche, ut hanc rem natam intellego, + quod ames paratumst: quod des inventost opus. + nam istic fortasse auro est opus. + + (_half aside_) Well, by gad, Mnesilochus, as far as I can + understand the present situation, you’ve got your love: the + wherewithal is what you need to find. (_to Pistoclerus_) + For I dare say there is need of gold in the affair. + +_Pistoc._ + + Philippeo quidem. 220 + + Yes, and good coin of the realm. + +_Chrys._ + + Atque eo fortasse iam opust. + + And furthermore, I dare say it’s needed soon. + +_Pistoc._ + + Immo etiam prius: + nam iam huc adveniet miles. + + No, before that, even: for a Captain’s due here soon. + +_Chrys._ + + Et miles quidem? + + Indeed? A Captain, too? + +_Pistoc._ + + Qui de amittenda Bacchide aurum hic exiget. + + Who’ll be after money for letting Bacchis go. + +_Chrys._ + + Veniat quando volt, atque ita ne mihi sit morae. + domist: non metuo nec ego quoiquam supplico, + dum quidem hoc valebit pectus perfidia meum. + abi intro, ego hic curabo. tu intus dicito + Mnesilochum adesse Bacchidi. + + (_airily_) Let him come when he wants, yes, and let him + take care not to keep me waiting. I’m provided: I fear no + man and supplicate no man, not I,--at least as long as this + heart of mine can prompt a good stiff lie. Inside with you: + (_grandly waving Pistoclerus in_) I’ll take charge here + myself. You tell Bacchis in there that she may expect + Mnesilochus at once. + +_Pistoc._ + + Faciam ut iubes. + + Very well. [EXIT. + +_Chrys._ + + Negotium hoc ad me adtinet aurarium. + mille et ducentos Philippum attulimus aureos 230 + Epheso, quos hospes debuit nostro seni. + inde ego hodie aliquam machinabor machinam, + unde aurum efficiam amanti erili filio. + sed foris concrepuit nostra: quinam exit foras? + + It’s my look out, this business of the exchequer. We’ve + brought twelve hundred sovereigns from Ephesus, money a + friend there owed our old man. I’ll machinate some + machinations to-day for transferring part of said gold to my + lovesick young master. (_listening_) But there goes our + door! Wonder who’s coming out. (_steps aside_) + + +II. 3. + + Scene 3. + + ENTER _Nicobulus_ FROM HIS HOUSE. + +_Nic._ + + Ibo in Piraeum, visam ecquae advenerit + in portum ex Epheso navis mercatoria. + nam meus formidat animus, nostrum tam diu + ibi desidere neque redire filium. + + I’ll walk down to the Piraeus and see if any merchantman + has come in from Ephesus. It worries me to have my son + dilly-dallying there so long and not returning. + +_Chrys._ + + Extexam ego illum pulchre iam, si di volunt. + haud dormitandumst: opus est chryso Chrysalo. 240 + adibo hunc, quem quidem ego hodie faciam hic arietem + Phrixi, itaque tondebo auro usque ad vivam cutem. + servos salutat Nicobulum Chrysalus. + + (_aside_) I’ll unravel him handsomely now, God willing. No + sleepyheadedness allowed: Chrysalus, you must be a golden + chrysalis! Here’s at him--the man I’ll certainly make a + [G]Phrixus’s ram here to-day, and by the same token shear off + his gold right down to the quick! (_aloud, ceremoniously_) + Greetings,to Nicobulus from servant Chrysalus, sir. + + [Footnote G: The owner of the ram with the golden fleece.] + +_Nic._ + + Pro di immortales, Chrysale, ubi mist filius? + + Chrysalus! for the love of heaven where is my son? + +_Chrys._ + + Quin tu salutem primum reddis quam dedi? + + (_affecting pique_) Why don’t you return my greeting first, + sir? + +_Nic._ + + Salve. sed ubinamst Mnesilochus? + + How d’ye do. (_more animatedly_) But where on earth is + Mnesilochus? + +_Chrys._ + + Vivit, valet. + + Alive and well. + +_Nic._ + + Venitne? + + Has he come? + +_Chrys._ + + Venit. + + He has. + +_Nic._ + + Euax, aspersisti aquam. + benene usque valuit? + + (_fervently_ Oh, good, good! That news is like a dash of + water! Has he been well all this time? + +_Chrys._ + + Pancratice atque athletice. + + In fighting trim, a perfect athlete. + +_Nic._ + + Quid hoc? qua causa eum in Ephesum miseram, + accepitne aurum ab hospite Archidemide? 250 + + How about it? The business I sent him to Ephesus for? Did he + get the gold from my friend Archidemides? + +_Chrys._ + + Heu, cor meum et cerebrum, Nicobule, finditur, + istius hominis ubi fit quomque mentio. + tun hospitem illum nominas hostem tuom? + + (_disgustedly_) Ugh! My heart and head fairly split, sir, + whenever I hear that fellow mentioned. Call that friend of + yours fiend, won’t you? + +_Nic._ + + Quid ita, obsecro hercle? + + Bless my soul! Why, for heaven’s sake? + +_Chrys._ + + Quia edepol certo scio, + Volcanus, Luna, Sol, Dies, dei quattuor, + scelestiorem nullum inluxere alterum. + + Good Lord! Because I’m positive the four gods, Fire, Moon, + Sun, and Day, never shone on a more abandoned villain. + +_Nic._ + + Quamne Archidemidem? + + Than Archidemides? + +_Chrys._ + + Quam, inquam, Archidemidem. + + Yes, than Archidemides. + +_Nic._ + + Quid fecit? + + What has he done? + +_Chrys._ + + Quid non fecit? quin tu id me rogas? + primumdum infitias ire coepit filio, + negare se debere tibi triobolum. 260 + continuo antiquom hospitem nostrum sibi + Mnesilochus advocavit, Pelagonem senem; + eo praesente homini extemplo ostendit symbolum. + quem tute dederas, ad eum ut ferret, filio. + + What hasn’t he done? Why don’t you ask me that? Well, in the + first place he began lying to your son and disclaimed owing + you a single sixpence. Immediately Mnesilochus summoned that + old gentleman, Pelagon, that’s been our friend so long; in + his presence he promptly shows the fellow the token, the one + you gave your son yourself to carry to him. + +_Nic._ + + Quid ubi ei ostendit symbolum? + + (_anxiously_) And what when he showed him the token? + +_Chrys._ + + Infit dicere + adulterinum et non eum esse symbolum. + quotque innocenti ei dixit contumelias! + adulterare eum aibat rebus ceteris. + + (_indignantly_) He cries out it’s a counterfeit and not + the right token at all. And how he did heap insults on your + innocent boy! Said he was an old hand at counterfeiting. + +_Nic._ + + Habetin aurum? id mihi dici volo. + + Have you got the money? Do tell me that. + +_Chrys._ + + Postquam quidem praetor recuperatores dedit. 270 + damnatus demum, vi coactus reddidit + ducentos et mille Philippum. + + To be sure, after the judge had appointed arbitrators, he + was finally convicted, and, under compulsion, he handed over + twelve hundred pounds. + +_Nic._ + + Tantum debuit. + + (_with a sigh of relief_) That was all he owed. + +_Chrys._ + + Porro etiam ausculta pugnam quam voluit dare. + + There’s more still, sir,--listen how he wanted to knock us + out. + +_Nic._ + + Etiamnest quid porro? + + More still? + +_Chrys._ + + Em, accipitrina haec nunc erit. + + Now then! (_aside_) This’ll be a regular hawk swoop. + +_Nic._ + + Deceptus sum. Autolyco hospiti aurum credidi. + + (_hotly_) I’ve been deceived! I’ve trusted my gold to an + Autolycus[H] of a friend! + + [Footnote H: A noted thief, the grandfather of Ulysses.] + +_Chrys._ + + Quin tu audi. + + Come, come, listen. + +_Nic._ + + Immo ingenium avidi haud pernoram hospitis. + + Ah, no, I didn’t fathom his greedy soul. + +_Chrys._ + + Postquam aurum abstulimus, in navem conscendimus, + domi cupientes. forte ut adsedi in stega, + dum circumspecto, atque ego lembum conspicor + longum. strigorem maleficum exornarier. 280 + + After we got the gold we embarked, eager for home. I was + sitting on deck, and while I was looking around, my eye just + happened to fall on a long, staunch, wicked-looking galley + being fitted out for sea. + +_Nic._ + + Perii hercle, lembus ille mihi laedit latus. + + Hell and fury! That galley is ramming me amidships! + +_Chrys._ + + Is erat communis cum hospite et praedonibus. + + (_with emphasis_) It was owned between your friend and some + pirates. + +_Nic._ + + Adeon me fuisse fungum, ut qui illi crederem, + cum mi ipsum nomen eius Archidemides + clamaret dempturum esse, si quid crederem? + + (_agonized_) Could I have been such an imbecile as to trust + the fellow when his very name, Archidemides, fairly bawled + out that I’d be damned easy, if I did trust him with + anything? + +_Chrys._ + + Is lembus nostrae navi insidias dabat. + occepi ego observare eos quam rem gerant. + interea e portu nostra navis solvitur. + ubi portu eximus, homines remigio sequi, + neque aves neque venti citius. quoniam sentio 290 + quae res gereretur, navem extemplo statuimus. + quoniam vident nos stare, occeperunt ratem + tardare[10] in portu. + + (_warming up_) This galley was lying in wait for our ship. + I began to keep an eye on their operations aboard her. + Meanwhile our ship weighs anchor and moves out of the + harbour. When we get outside they row after us fast as a + bird, fast as the wind. Now that I noticed what was up, + we brought to at once. Now that they saw us lying to they + began to slow down there in the harbour. + +_Nic._ + + Edepol mortalis malos. + quid denique agitis? + + God bless me, what rascals! What did you do then? + +_Chrys._ + + Rursum in portum recipimus. + + We put back to the harbour. + +_Nic._ + + Sapienter factum a vobis. quid illi postea? + + That was wise. What did they do after that? + +_Chrys._ + + Revorsionem ad terram faciunt vesperi. + + Toward evening they went ashore. + +_Nic._ + + Aurum hercle auferre voluere: ei rei operam dabant. + + By the Lord! They wanted to make off with the gold: that was + their aim! + +_Chrys._ + + Non me fefellit, sensi, eo exanimatus fui. + quoniam videmus auro insidias fieri, + capimus consilium continuo; postridie 300 + auferimus aurum omne illis praesentibus + palam atque aperte, ut illi id factum sciscerent. + + I knew that well enough: I saw through it. That drove me + frantic. Now that we perceived that they had designs on the + gold, we laid our plans at once; the next day we carried it + all ashore publicly and openly while they were by, to let + them know it was done. + +_Nic._ + + Scite hercle. cedo quid illi? + + By Jove, a neat idea! Come, come, what did they do? + +_Chrys._ + + Tristes ilico, + quom extemplo a portu ire nos cum auro vident, + subducunt lembum capitibus quassantibus. + nos apud Theotimum omne aurum deposivimus, + qui illic sacerdos est Dianae Ephesiae. + + Looked doleful on the spot, and as soon as they see us go + away from the harbour with the gold there’s a shaking of + heads and they beach their galley. As for us, we deposited + all the gold with Theotimus, the priest of Diana there at + Ephesus. + +_Nic._ + + Quis istic Theotimust? + + (_suspiciously_) Who is that Theotimus? + +_Chrys._ + + Megalobuli filius, + qui nunc in Ephesost Ephesiis carissimus. + + (_reassuringly_) Megalobulus’s son, sir, and quite the + dearest man in all Ephesus to the Ephesians. + +_Nic._ + + Ne ille hercle mihi sit multo tanto carior, 310 + si me illo auro tanto circumduxerit. + + Good Lord! He certainly would be a very, very much dearer + man to me, if he should swindle me out of so much gold. + +_Chrys._ + + Quin in eapse aede Dianai conditumst. + ibidem publicitus servant. + + Oh, but it’s stored in the temple of Diana itself. It’s in + public keeping there. + +_Nic._ + + Occidistis me; + nimio hic privatim servaretur rectius. + sed nilne attulistis inde auri domum? + + Yes, worse luck! It would be a great deal safer in private + keeping here. But you didn’t bring any of it home, not any? + +_Chrys._ + + Immo etiam. verum quantum attulerit nescio. + + To be sure, we did. Just how much we brought, though, + I don’t know. + +_Nic._ + + Quid? nescis? + + What? Don’t know? + +_Chrys._ + + Quia Mnesilochus noctu clanculum + devenit ad Theotimum, nec mihi credere + nec cuiquam in navi voluit: eo ego nescio + quantillum attulerit; verum haud permultum attulit. 320 + + You see Mnesilochus visited Theotimus on the sly, by night, + and he didn’t care to confide in me or anyone else aboard: + so I don’t know just what trifle he did bring along; not + very much, though. + +_Nic._ + + Etiam dimidium censes? + + As much as half, do you think? + +_Chrys._ + + Non edepol scio; + verum haud opinor. + + Upon my soul, I don’t know; but I don’t believe so. + +_Nic._ + + Fertne partem tertiam? + + A third, eh? + +_Chrys._ + + Non hercle opinor; verum verum nescio. + profecto de auro nil scio nisi nescio. + nunc tibimet illuc navi capiundumst iter, + ut illud reportes aurum ab Theotimo domum. + atque heus tu. + + Bless my soul, I don t believe so; however, I don’t know. In + fact, all I know about the money is that I don’t know. Now + you’ll have to make a voyage there yourself, sir, so as to + get it from Theotimus and bring it back home. And, oh, I say! + +_Nic._ + + Quid vis? + + Well? + +_Chrys._ + + Anulum gnati tui + facito ut memineris ferre. + + See you remember to take your son’s ring along. + +_Nic._ + + Quid opust anulo? + + Ring? What for? + +_Chrys._ + + Quia id signumst cum Theotimo, qui eum illi adferet, + ei aurum ut reddat. + + Because we arranged with Theotimus that he’s to give the + gold to the man that brings him that ring. + +_Nic._ + + Meminero, et recte mones. 330 + sed divesne est istic Theotimus? + + I shall remember; well you mentioned it, too. But is that + Theotimus wealthy? + +_Chrys._ + + Etiam rogas? + quin auro habeat soccis subpactum solum? + + Wealthy, eh? Wealthy? And he with gold soles on his shoes! + +_Nic._ + + Cur ita fastidit? + + What makes him so high and mighty? + +_Chrys._ + + Tantas divitias habet; + nescit quid faciat auro. + + He’s so rich; he doesn’t know what to do with gold. + +_Nic._ + + Mihi dederit velim. + sed qui praesente id aurum Theotimo datumst? + + (_sighing_) Wish he’d give it to me! But who was there when + this money was given to Theotimus? + +_Chrys._ + + Populo praesente: nullust Ephesi quin sciat. + + The whole population, sir: there’s not a soul in Ephesus but + knows about it. + +_Nic._ + + Istuc sapienter saltem fecit filius, + cum diviti homini id aurum servandum dedit; + ab eo licebit quamvis subito sumere. + + My son showed sense in that, at any rate,--giving it to a + wealthy man to keep for him. You can get it from such a man + at a moment’s notice. + +_Chrys._ + + Immo em tantisper numquam te morabitur 340 + quin habeas illud quo die illuc veneris. + + Oh no, he’ll never keep you waiting, not--see here-- + (_illustrating_) not so long: he’ll let you have it the + day you arrive. + +_Nic._ + + Censebam me effugisse a vita marituma, + ne navigarem tandem hoc aetatis senex; + id mi haud, utrum velim, licere intellego: + ita bellus hospes fecit Archidemides. + ubi nunc est ergo meus Mnesilochus filius? + + I thought I had escaped from the seafaring life, that an old + man of my age might really be done with voyaging. But no + choice is left me, I perceive, in this case--thanks to the + tactics of my charming friend Archidemides. Where is my son + Mnesilochus at present, then? + +_Chrys._ + + Deos atque amicos iit salutatum ad forum. + + Gone to the forum to pay his respects to the gods and his + friends. + +_Nic._ + + At ego hinc eo ad illum, ut convenam quantum + potest. + + Well, I shall go and try to find him as soon as possible. + [EXIT TO FORUM. + +_Chrys._ + + Ille est oneratus recte et plus iusto vehit. + exorsa haec tela non male omnino mihi est: 350 + ut amantem erilem copem facerem filium, + ita feci, ut auri quantum vellet sumeret, + quantum autem lubeat reddere ut reddat patri. + + (_gleefully_) He’s nicely freighted, he is, in fact, + overfreighted. Not a half bad sort of web I’ve woven here! + To set up the young master in funds for his love affair, + I’ve fixed things so that he can take as much of the gold as + he wants himself, yes, and pass on to his father as much as + he likes to pass on. + + senex in Ephesum ibit aurum arcessere, + hic nostra agetur aetas in malacum modum, + siquidem hic relinquet neque secum abducet senex + med et Mnesilochum. quas ego hic turbas dabo! + sed quid futurumst, cum hoc senex resciverit, + cum se excucurisse illuc frustra sciverit + nosque aurum abusos? quid mihi fiet postea? 360 + + The old man will go to Ephesus to fetch the gold and + we’ll be living a downy life of it here, that is, if the + old chap leaves us here and doesn’t drag me and Mnesilochus + along with him. Oh, won’t I turn things upside down here! + (_pauses_) But what’ll happen when the old man discovers + it? When he finds out he’s gone on a wild goose chase and + we’ve used up the cash? What will happen to me then? + + credo hercle adveniens nomen mutabit mihi + facietque extemplo Crucisalum me ex Chrysalo. + aufugero hercle, si magis usus venerit. + si ero reprehensus, macto ego ilium infortunio: + si illi sunt virgae ruri, at mihi tergum domist. + nunc ibo, erili filio hanc fabricam dabo + super auro amicaque eius inventa Bacchide. + + Gad! I suppose he’ll change my name for me the minute he + gets back, and transform me from Chrysalus to Crossalus on + the spot. Oh, well, I’ll run for it, if it looks advisable. + If I am caught, he’ll have his fill of discomfort: if he’s + got rods on the farm, well, I’ve got a back on my person. + Now I’ll be off and let the young master know about this + gold trick and his mistress Bacchis being found. + [EXIT Chrysalus. + + + + +ACTVS III + + ACT III + + +_Lydus_ + + Pandite atque aperite propere ianuam hanc Orci, obsecro. + + (_wildly, inside Bacchis’s house_) Quick, quick, open up, + I beseech you, unclose this door of hell! + ENTER _Lydus_ HURRIEDLY. + + nam equidem haud aliter esse duco, quippe quo nemo advenit, + nisi quem spes reliquere omnes, esse ut frugi possiet. 370 + Bacchides non Bacchides, sed bacchae sunt acerrumae. + apage istas a me sorores, quae hominum sorbent sanguinem. + omnis ad perniciem instructa domus opime atque opipare-- + quae ut aspexi, me continuo contuli protinam in pedes. + + For I verily believe it is nothing else, a place where no + man enters save him who has lost all hopes of his capacity + for good. Bacchises! No Bacchises these, but the wildest of + Bacchantes. Avaunt, avaunt, ye sisters who suck the blood of + men! Their whole abode is tricked out as a gilded, gorgeous + lure to ruin--as soon as I perceived the nature of my + surroundings I fled, fled forthwith. + + egone ut haec conclusa gestem clanculum? ut celem patrem, + Pistoclere, tua flagitia aut damna aut desidiabula?[11] (376) + neque mei neque te tui intus puditumst factis quae facis, (379) + quibus tuom patrem meque una, amicos, adfinis tuos 380 + tua infamia fecisti gerulifigulos flagiti.[12] + de me hanc culpam demolibor iam et seni faciam palam, (383) + ut eum ex lutulento caeno propere hinc eliciat foras. + + (_violently to those within_) Am I the man to carry this + shut up within me, to keep it secret? To conceal from your + father, Pistoclerus, your enormities, your extravagances, + your horrid resorts?[11] Neither in my sight, nor your own, + did you feel any shame at your actions, actions, you infamous + creature, that make your father, and me too, and your friends + and relatives accessories to your disgrace. (_making off_) + I am going to clear myself of blame in the matter this very + minute and inform his poor old father of it all, so that he + may hurry and draw him forth from this filthy slough. + + +III. 2. + + Scene 2. + + ENTER _Mnesilochus_, FOLLOWED AT SOME DISTANCE BY SLAVES + CARRYING HIS LUGGAGE. + +_Mnes._ + + Multimodis meditatus egomet mecum sum, et ita esse arbitror + homini amico, qui est amicus ita uti nomen possidet, + nisi deos ei nil praestare, id opera expertus sum esse ita + nam ut in Ephesum hinc abii--hoc factumst ferme abhinc biennium-- + ex Epheso huc ad Pistoclerum meum sodalem litteras + misi, amicam ut mi inveniret Bacchidem. illum intellego 390 + invenisse, ut servos meus mi nuntiavit Chrysalus. + + I’ve given the question careful consideration, and what I + believe is this: nothing but Heaven itself excels a friend + who is a friend in the full sense of the term; I’ve found + this is so from my own experience. After I went away from + here to Ephesus--almost two years ago, that was--I sent a + letter from there to my chum Pistoclerus asking him to find + my mistress, Bacchis, for me. And find her he did, it seems, + according to that fellow Chrysalus of mine. + + condigne is quam techinam de auro advorsum meum fecit patrem, + ut mi amanti copia esset[13] + nam pol quidem meo animo ingrato homine nihil inpensiust, + malefactorem amitti satius quam relinqui beneficum; + nimio inpendiosum praestat te quam ingratum dicier; + illum laudabunt boni, hunc etiam ipsi culpabunt mali. + + (_pauses_) Quite worthy of Chrysalus, that scheme of his + against my father to get the money, so that my amorous self + might have supplies. (_pauses_) Well, well, to my own mind + there’s nothing more expensive than being an ingrate. + Letting a malefactor off is better than turning your back on + a benefactor. The name of being too extravagant is a great + deal better for you than that of being ungrateful. Good men + will speak well of the first sort of fellow: even rascals + themselves will blame the second. + + qua me causa magis cum cura esse aecum, obvigilatost opus. + nunc, Mnesiloche, specimen specitur, nunc certamen cernitur, + sisne necne ut esse oportet, malus, bonus quoivis modi, 400 + iustus iniustus, malignus largus, comis incommodus. + cave sis te superare servom siris faciundo bene + utut eris, moneo, haud celabis. sed eccos video incedere + patrem sodalis et magistrum. hinc auscultabo quam rem agant. + + I must take all the more care, then, how I act and keep + my eyes open. Here’s where you show a sample of yourself, + Mnesilochus; here’s where you’re put to the test whether + you’re the man you should be or not--bad or good, whatever + you are--just or unjust--mean or generous--gentleman or cad. + Mind you look out not to let your servant be your better in + doing the kindly thing. No matter what you’ll be, I warn you + you can’t conceal it. (_looking down street_) Hullo, though! + Here come my chum’s father and tutor ambling along. I’ll + listen to what they’re up to from over here. (_withdraws_) + + +III. 3. + + Scene 3. + + ENTER _Lydus_ AND _Philoxenus_. + +_Lydus_ + + Nunc experiar, sitne aceto tibi cor acre in pectore. + sequere. + + (_struggling to control himself_) Now we shall see + whether or no you have a heart of fiery feeling within you. + Follow me! + +_Phil._ + + Quo sequar? quo ducis nunc me? + + (_calmly_) Follow you where? Where are you taking me to now? + +_Lydus_ + + Ad illam quae tuom + perdidit, pessum dedit tibi filium unice unicum + + To the woman who has depraved, destroyed your one and only + son! + +_Phil._ + + Heia, Lyde, leniter qui saeviunt sapiunt magis. + minus mirandumst, illaec aetas si quid illorum facit, + quam si non faciat. feci ego istaec itidem in adulescentia. 410 + + Gently, gently, Lydus! “Ire restrained is wisdom gained.” + It’s less surprising to have a youngster up to something of + that kind than not. I’ve done the same sort of thing myself + in my younger days. + +_Lydus_ + + Ei mihi, ei mihi, istaec illum perdidit assentatio + nam absque te esset, ego illum haberem rectum ad ingenium bonum + nunc propter te tuamque pravos factus est fiduciam + Pistoclerus. + + Oh-h-h dear, oh dear! It is that very tolerance that has + been his undoing. Why, but for you, I should have made a + good moral man of him: as it is, you and your support have + made a debauchee of Pistoclerus. + +_Mnes._ + + Di immortales, meum sodalem hic nominat. + quid hoc negoti est, Pistoclerum Lydus quod erum tam ciet? + + (_aside_) Good God! My chum’s name! What does this mean-- + Lydus running down his master Pistoclerus so? + +_Phil._ + + Paulisper, Lyde est libido homini suo animo obsequi; + iam aderit tempus, cum sese etiam ipse oderit. morem geras; + dum caveatur, praeter aequom ne quid delinquat, sine. + + A man’s eager to have his fling for a little while, Lydus; + the time will soon come when he’ll actually loathe himself + for it. Give him rein; so long as he’s careful not to go too + far in his indiscretions, why, let him be. + +_Lydus_ + + Non sino, neque equidem illum me vivo corrumpi sinam. + sed tu, qui pro tam corrupto dicis causam filio, 420 + eademne erat haec disciplina tibi, cum tu adulescens eras? + nego tibi hoc annis viginti fuisse primis copiae, + digitum longe a paedagogo pedem ut efferres aedibus. + + I will not let him be, no, nor let him be corrupted and live + to see it, never! But you--with your pleas for a son so + corrupted--was your own training of this same sort when you + were a young man? I say no, I say you never had a chance + during the first twenty years of your life to stir a single + finger’s breadth from the house without your tutor. + + ante solem exorientem nisi in palaestram veneras, + gymnasi praefecto haud mediocris poenas penderes. + id quom optigerat, hoc etiam ad malum accersebatur malum: + et discipulus et magister perhibebantur improbi. + ibi cursu luctando hasta disco pugilatu pila + saliendo sese exercebant magis quam scorto aut saviis: + ibi suam aetatem extendebant, non in latebrosis locis. 430 + + Unless you had arrived at the athletic grounds before + sunrise, it was no slight penalty the Gymnasium Director + imposed on you. When this had happened, this further trouble + was added, that pupil and teacher too were held to be + disgraced. There it was by running, wrestling, throwing the + spear and discus, boxing, ball, jumping, they used to get + their exercise, rather than by means of wenches, or kisses: + it was there they used to spend their lives, not in dark + dens of vice. + + inde de hippodromo et palaestra ubi revenisses domum, + cincticulo praecinctus in sella apud magistrum adsideres + cum libro: cum legeres, si unam peccavisses syllabam, + fieret corium tam maculosum quam est nutricis pallium. + + Then when you had returned home from the track and field, + all neat and trim you would sit on your chair before your + teacher with your book: and while you were reading, if you + had missed a single syllable, your hide would be made as + spotted as a nurse’s gown. + +_Mnes._ + + Propter me haec nunc meo sodali dici discrucior miser; + innocens suspicionem hanc sustinet causa mea. + + (_aside_) It’s torment, hang it, to have my chum coming in + for all this on my account; it’s for my sake he’s shouldering + this suspicion, poor innocent. + +_Phil._ + + Alii, Lyde, nunc sunt mores. + + (_soothingly_) The customs of to-day are different, Lydus. + +_Lydus_ + + Id equidem ego certo scio. + nam olim populi prius honorem capiebat suffragio, + quam magistro desinebat esse dicto oboediens; + at nunc, prius quam septuennis est, si attingas eum manu, 440 + extemplo puer paedagogo tabula disrumpit caput. + + Indeed they are! I realize the truth of that. Why, in the + old days a young man would be holding office, by popular + vote, before he had ceased to hearken to his teacher’s + precepts. But nowadays, before a youngster is seven years + old, if you lay a finger on him, he promptly takes his + writing tablet and smashes his tutor’s head with it. + + cum patrem adeas postulatum, puero sic dicit pater: + “noster esto, dum te poteris defensare iniuria.” + provocatur paedagogus: “eho senex minimi preti, + ne attigas puerum istac causa, quando fecit strenue.”[14] (445) + itur illinc iure dicto. hocine hic pacto potest (447) + inhibere imperium magister, si ipsus primus vapulet? + + When you go to his father with a protest, he talks to the + youngster in this strain: (_mimicking_) “You’re father’s own + boy so long as you can defend yourself against abuse.” Then + the tutor is summoned: “Hey, you worthless old baggage, + don’t you touch my boy merely for acting like a lad of + spirit!“ Judgment pronounced, the court adjourns. Can a + teacher exert authority here under such conditions, if he + is beaten first himself? + +_Mnes._ + + Acris postulatio haec est. cum huius dicta intellego, + mira sunt ni Pistoclerus Lydum pugnis contudit. 450 + + (_aside_) Here’s a warm protest! Judging from his remarks, + it’s a wonder if Pistoclerus hasn’t been punching Lydus’s + head. + +_Lydus_ + + Sed quis hic est, quem astantem video ante ostium? o Philoxene, + deos propitios me videre quam illum haud mavellem mihi. + + (_looking in the direction of Mnesilochus_) But who is this + I see standing in front of the door? (_recognizing him_) Ah, + Philoxenus, that is a man whose support I should value no + less than that of the gods! + +_Phil._ + + Quis illic est? + + Who is it? + +_Lydus_ + + Mnesilochus, gnati tui sodalis.[15] + haud consimili ingenio atque ille est qui in lupanari accubat. + fortunatum Nicobulum, qui illum produxit sibi. + + Mnesilochus, your son’s chum. And a youth so, so different + from the one lolling in that vile house! (_pointing to + Bacchis’s_) Happy, happy Nicobulus to have brought up such + a lad! + +_Phil._ + + Salvos sis, Mnesiloche, salvom te advenire gaudeo. + + (_stepping forward_) How are you, Mnesilochus? I’m glad to + see you safely back. + +_Mnes._ + + Di te ament, Philoxene. + + (_heartily shaking hands_) God bless you, Philoxenus! + +_Lydus_ + + Hic enim rite productust patri: + in mare it, rem familiarem curat, custodit domum, + obsequens oboediensque est mori atque imperiis patris. + hic sodalis Pistoclero iam puer puero fuit; 460 + triduom non interest aetatis uter maior siet: + verum ingenium plus triginta annis maiust quam alteri. + + Ah, yes, here is a son to rejoice a father’s heart: goes to + sea, attends to family affairs, is the bulwark of the home, + observes and obeys his father’s every wish and word. He was + Pistoclerus’s chum even when they were boys--not three days’ + difference between them so far as age is concerned, but this + lad is more than thirty years his senior in native sense. + +_Phil._ + + Cave malo et compesce in illum dicere iniuste. + + (_angrily_) Look out for yourself, and stop speaking about + the lad unfairly! + +_Lydus_ + + Tace. + stultus es qui illi male aegre patere dici qui facit.[16] (464) + + Peace! fool that you are to be pained at hearing him badly + spoken of, when he is bad![16] + +_Mnes._ + + Quid sodalem meum castigas, Lyde, discipulum tuom? (467) + + (_innocently_) Why are you finding fault with my chum, + Lydus, your own pupil? + +_Lydus_ + + Periit tibi sodalis. + + (_tragically_) Your chum has perished! + +_Mnes._ + + Ne di sirint. + + God forbid! + +_Lydus_ + + Sic est ut loquor. + quin ego cum peribat vidi, non ex audito arguo. + + It’s just as I tell you. Ah yes, I myself beheld him in the + act: I am not accusing him on hearsay. + +_Mnes._ + + Quid factum est? + + What has happened? + +_Lydus_ + + Meretricem indigne deperit. + + He is shockingly infatuated with a courtesan. + +_Mnes._ + + Non tu taces? 470 + + (_apparently scandalized_) Oh, don’t say such a thing! + +_Lydus_ + + Atque acerrume aestuosam: absorbet ubi quemque attigit. + + Yes, and a perfect maelstrom of a woman: she sucks down + every man who comes within her reach. + +_Mnes._ + + Ubi ea mulier habitat? + + Where does this woman live? + +_Lydus_ + + Hic. + + (_pointing_) Here. + +_Mnes._ + + Unde esse eam aiunt? + + Where do they say she is from? + +_Lydus_ + + Ex Samo. + + Samos. + +_Mnes._ + + Quae vocatur? + + What is her name? + +_Lydus_ + + Bacchis. + + Bacchis. + +_Mnes._ + + Erras, Lyde: ego omnem rem scio + quem ad modumst. tu Pistoclerum falso atque insontem arguis. + nam ille amico et benevolenti suo sodali sedulo + rem mandatam exsequitur. ipsus neque amat nec tu creduas. + + (_with an air of relief_) You’re mistaken, Lydus: I know all + about the matter, just how it stands. That’s a false charge + of yours, and Pistoclerus is innocent. Why, he’s fulfilling + a commission for a friend and well-wisher of his, a chum, + and doing it zealously. He doesn’t love her himself, and + you mustn’t think he does. + +_Lydus_ + + Itane oportet rem mandatam gerere amici sedulo, + ut ipsus in gremio osculantem mulierem teneat sedens? + nullo pacto res mandata potest agi, nisi identidem + manus ferat ei ad papillas, labra a labris nusquam auferat? 480 + + (_sharply_) Does executing this commission for his friend, + and doing it zealously, call for his sitting down and + holding the girl in his lap while she kisses him? Is there + no way of his carrying out this commission save by his + embracing her time and again in unseemly fashion and never + taking his lips an inch from hers? + + nam alia memorare quae illum facere vidi dispudet: + cum manum sub vestimenta ad corpus tetulit Bacchidi + me praesente, neque pudere quicquam. quid verbis opust? + mini discipulus, tibi sodalis periit, huic filius; + nam ego illum periisse dico quoi quidem periit pudor.[17] (485) + + Why, I feel ashamed to mention other things I saw him do, + dreadful, dreadful things, in my presence--and never a trace + of shame about him. Why say more? My pupil, your chum, this + father’s son, has perished; for perished I say he has, when + his sense of shame has perished.[17] + +_Mnes._ + + Perdidisti me, sodalis. egone ut illam mulierem (489) + capitis non perdam? perire me malis malim modis. 490 + satin ut quem tu habeas fidelem tibi aut cui credas nescias? + + You’ve wrecked my life, (_with special acrimony_) chum! Oh, + won’t I wreck that woman’s! I’d rather die a dog’s death + than not get even with her! Can it really be you don’t know + whom to think loyal to you, whom to trust? + +_Lydus_ + + Viden ut aegre patitur gnatum esse corruptum tuom, + suom sodalem, ut ipsus sese cruciat aegritudine? + + (_to Philoxenus_) Do you see how he suffers at your son, his + chum, being corrupted; how his very soul is tormented? + +_Phil._ + + Mnesiloche, hoc tecum oro, ut illius animum atque ingenium regas; + serva tibi sodalem et mihi filium. + + Mnesilochus, try to control the lad’s impulses and + disposition, I beg you. Save your chum for yourself and + my son for me. + +_Mnes._ + + Factum volo. + + (_vehemently_) I wish I might! + +_Lydus_ + + Melius esset, me quoque una si cum illo relinqueres. + + (_to Philoxenus_) It would be better for you to leave me + with him, too. + +_Phil._ + + Adfatim est. + + No, no, he’ll manage. + +_Lydus_ + + Mnesiloche, cura, ei, concastiga hominem probe, + qui dedecorat te, me amicosque alios flagitiis suis. + + Mnesilochus, take charge of him! Go, rate him well--for + degrading you, and me and his other friends with his + enormities. + +_Phil._ + + In te ego hoc onus omne impono. Lyde, sequere + hac me. + + I put the whole load on your shoulders. (_turns to go_) + This way, Lydus; come. + +_Lydus_ + + Sequor. + + (_gloomily_) Very well. [EXEUNT _Philoxenus_ AND _Lydus_. + + +III. 4. + + Scene 4. + +_Mnes._ + + Inimiciorem nunc utrum credam magis 500 + sodalemne esse an Bacchidem, incertum admodumst. + ilium exoptavit potius? habeat. optumest. + ne illa illud hercle cum malo fecit suo; + nam mihi divini numquam quisquam creduat, + ni ego illam exemplis plurumis planeque--amo. + ego faxo hau dicet nactam quem derideat. + + (_tempestuously_) I absolutely can’t tell which is my worse + enemy now, my chum or Bacchis. Hankered for him instead of + me, did she? Let her have him! All right, all right! By + heaven, she’ll certainly pay for this; for may no one ever + believe my sacred word again, if I don’t thoroughly and + utterly--(_wryly_) love her. She shan’t say she’s lighted + on a man she can laugh to scorn, I promise you. + + nam iam domum ibo atque--aliquid surrupiam patri. + id isti dabo. ego istanc multis ulciscar modis. + adeo ego illam cogam usque ut mendicet--meus pater. + sed satine ego animum mente sincera gero, + qui ad hunc modum haec his quae futura fabulor? 510 + amo hercle opinor, ut pote quod pro certo sciam. + + For I’ll home this minute, and--steal something from my + father and give it to her. I’ll be revenged on her in all + sorts of ways. Yes indeed, I’ll bring her to such a pass + that--my father will have to beg his bread. But can I really + be in possession of my senses, babbling here in this fashion + about these futurities? Good Lord! I do believe I love her-- + seeing I know it for certain. + + verum quam illa umquam de mea pecunia + ramenta fiat plumea propensior, + mendicum malim mendicando vincere. + numquam edepol viva me inridebit. nam mihi + decretumst renumerare iam omne aurum patri. + + But sooner than let any cash of mine make her a fraction + of a feather-weight the heavier, I’d outbeggar a beggar. By + gad, she shan’t give me the laugh in this world, never! My + mind’s made up--I’ll count out every bit of that gold to my + father this moment. + + igitur mi inani atque inopi subblandibitur + tum quom blandiri nihilo pluris referet + quam si ad sepulcrum mortuo narres logos.[18] (519) + profecto stabilest me patri aurum reddere. 520 + + Then let her try her pretty wiles on me when I’m poverty + stricken and penniless, when it won’t do any more good to + coax than if you were to prattle to a dead man at his tomb.[18] + The money goes to my father, that’s final, absolutely final. + + eadem exorabo, Chrysalo causa mea + pater ne noceat, neu quid ei suscenseat + mea causa de auro quod eum ludificatus est; + nam illi aequomst me consulere, qui causa mea + mendacium ei dixit. vos me sequimini. + + At the same time I’ll persuade him to let Chrysalus off for + my sake and not to be at all angry with him on account of + his fooling him, for my sake, about the gold. Yes, it is + only right I should look out for the fellow that lied to him + for my sake. (_to slaves with luggage_) Follow me, you. + [EXEUNT INTO HOUSE OF _Nicobulus_. + + +III. 5. + + Scene 5. + + (_Fifteen minutes have elapsed_) + + ENTER _Pistoclerus_ FROM _Bacchis’s_ HOUSE. + +_Pistoc._ + + Rebus aliis antevortar, Bacchis, quae mandas mihi: + Mnesilochum ut requiram atque ut eum mecum ad te adducam simul. + nam illud animus meus miratur, si a me tetigit nuntius, + quid remoretur. ibo ut visam huc ad eum, si forte est domi. + + (_to Bacchis within_) Everything else shall come second + to your commission, Bacchis,--to hunt up Mnesilochus and + bring him back with me. Why, I don’t know what to make of + his delay, if my message reached him. I’ll go look him up at + the house here, in case he happens to be at home. + + +III. 6. + + Scene 6. + + ENTER _Mnesilochus_ FROM HOUSE. + +_Mnes._ + + Reddidi patri omne aurum. nunc ego illam me velim 530 + convenire, postquam inanis sum, contemptricem meam. + sed veniam mihi quam gravate pater dedit de Chrysalo; + verum postremo impetravi, ut ne quid ei suscenseat. + + I’ve handed over the whole sum to my father. Now’s the time + I should like her to meet me, now that I haven’t a sou--my + Lady Disdain! (_pausing_) But how father did hate to + pardon Chrysalus for me! However, I finally induced him to + swallow his wrath. + +_Pistoc._ + + Estne hic meus sodalis? + + (_approaching Nicobulus’s house_) Isn’t that my chum? + +_Mnes._ + + Estne hic hostis, quem aspicio, meus? + + Isn’t that my enemy I see? + +_Pistoc._ + + Certe is est. + + (_beaming_) It certainly is. + +_Mnes._ + + Is est. + + (_glowering_) It is. + +_Pistoc._ + + Adibo contra et contollam gradum. + salvos sis, Mnesiloche. + + I’ll step up and meet him. (_hurries to him_) Mnesilochus! + bless you! + +_Mnes._ + + Salve. + + (_gruffly_) Same to you. + +_Pistoc._ + + Salvos quom peregre advenis, + cena detur. + + (_enthusiastically_) We must have a dinner, now you’re safe + back from abroad. + +_Mnes._ + + Non placet mi cena quae bilem movet. + + I have no desire for a dinner that stirs my bile. + +_Pistoc._ + + Numquae advenienti aegritudo obiecta est? + + (_wonderingly_) You haven’t met with any trouble on your + return, have you? + +_Mnes._ + + Atque acerruma. + + Yes, of the worst sort. + +_Pistoc._ + + Unde? + + What caused it? + +_Mnes._ + + Ab homine quem mi amicum esse arbitratus sum antidhac. + + A man I always took for a friend till now. + +_Pistoc._ + + Multi more isto atque exemplo vivont, quos cum censeas 540 + esse amicos, reperiuntur falsi falsimoniis, + lingua factiosi, inertes opera, sublesta fide. + nullus est quoi non invideant rem secundam optingere; + sibi ne invideatur, ipsi ignavia recte cavent. + + (_indignantly_) There are plenty of fellows amongst us + of that character and description, fellows you regard as + friends only to find ’em treacherous traitors--energetic + talkers, lazy doers, and ready deserters. There’s no one + they don’t envy his good luck. As for themselves, they take + proper care no one envies them--their own inertness looks + out for that. + +_Mnes._ + + Edepol ne tu illorum mores perquam meditate tenes. + sed etiam unum hoc: ex ingenio malo malum inveniunt suo: + nulli amici sunt, inimicos ipsi in sese omnis habent. + ei se cum frustrantur, frustrari alios stolidi existumant. + sicut est his, quem esse amicum ratus sum atque ipsus sum mihi: + ille, quod in se fuit, accuratum habuit quod posset mali 550 + faceret in me, inconciliaret copias omnis meas. + + (_dryly_) Well, well! You certainly have a very intimate + acquaintance with their characteristics. But there’s this + one thing to add: they’re cursed by their own cursed + dispositions: friends to no man as they are, they themselves + have foes in all men. When they’re deceiving themselves the + fools fancy they are deceiving others. That’s the way with + this man I thought was as good a friend to me as I am to + myself: as far as in him lay he took pains to do me all the + harm he could, to defraud me of all I had. + +_Pistoc._ + + Improbum istunc esse oportet hominem. + + The fellow must be a perfect villain! + +_Mnes._ + + Ego ita esse arbitror. + + Precisely my own opinion. + +_Pistoc._ + + Obsecro hercle loquere, quis is est? + + (_more indignantly_) By Jove, now! Who is he? Tell me, tell + me. + +_Mnes._ + + Benevolens vivit tibi. + nam ni ita esset, tecum orarem ut ei quod posses mali + facere faceres. + + A man on good terms with you. Yes, but for that, I’d beg you + to do him any damage you could. + +_Pistoc._ + + Dic modo hominem qui sit sit: non fecero + ei male aliquo pacto, me esse dicito ignavissimum. + + Only tell me who the fellow is: if I don’t damage him + somehow, you can call me the most spiritless wretch on + earth. + +_Mnes._ + + Nequam homost, verum hercle amicus est tibi. + + He’s a scoundrel, but good Lord, he is a friend of yours! + +_Pistoc._ + + Tanto magis + dic quis est; nequam hominis ego parvi pendo gratiam. + + All the more reason for telling me who he is; it’s little I + care for the favour of a scoundrel. + +_Mnes._ + + Video non potesse quin tibi eius nomen eloquar. + Pistoclere, perdidisti me sodalem funditus. 560 + + I see there is nothing for me to do but give you his name. + Pistoclerus, (_bitterly_) you have ruined me, your chum, + ruined me utterly. + +_Pistoc._ + + Quid istuc est? + + (_aghast_) Eh? What’s that? + +_Mnes._ + + Quid est? misine ego ad te ex Epheso epistulam + super amica, ut mi invenires? + + What’s that? Didn’t I send you a letter from Ephesus about + my mistress, asking you to find her for me? + +_Pistoc._ + + Fateor factum, et repperi. + + To be sure you did--and I did find her. + +_Mnes._ + + Quid? tibi non erat meretricum aliarum Athenis copia + quibuscum haberes rem, nisi cum illa quam ego mandassem tibi + occiperes tute[19] amare et mi ires consultum male? + + What? Weren’t there enough other women in Athens for you to + philander with, without beginning to make love to her, the + girl I had entrusted to you, and trying this underhand trick + on me? + +_Pistoc._ + + Sanun es? + + Are you sane? + +_Mnes._ + + Rem repperi omnem ex tuo magistro. ne nega. + perdidisti me. + + I have the whole story from your tutor. You needn’t deny it. + You have ruined me. + +_Pistoc._ + + Etiamne ultro tuis me prolectas probris? + + (_getting irritated_) Can it be you’re bent on provoking me + with this uncalled for abuse of yours? + +_Mnes._ + + Quid? amas Bacchidem? + + Eh? You do love Bacchis? + +_Pistoc._ + + Duas ergo his intus eccas Bacchides. + + Well, but look you, there are two Bacchises in here. + +_Mnes._ + + Quid? duas? + + (_astonished_) What? Two? + +_Pistoc._ + + Atque ambas sorores. + + And sisters, too. + +_Mnes._ + + Loqueris nunc nugas sciens. + + Now you’re talking rot, and you know it. + +_Pistoc._ + + Postremo, si pergis parvam mihi fidem arbitrarier, 570 + tollam ego ted in collum atque intro hinc auferam. + + See here now, if you go on making light of my word, I’ll + perch you up on my neck and carry you off inside. (_seizes + him_) + +_Mnes._ + + Immo ibo, mane. + + No, no, I’ll go: wait. + +_Pistoc._ + + Non maneo, neque tu me habebis falso suspectum. + + I won’t wait, and I won’t have you suspecting me falsely, + either. (_pulls him toward door_) + +_Mnes._ + + Sequor. + + I’m coming. [EXEUNT INTO HOUSE. + + + + +ACTVS IV + + ACT IV + + + ENTER _Parasite_ WITH _Cleomachus’s_ PAGE. + +_Par._ + + Parasitus ego sum hominis nequam atque improbi, + militis, qui amicam secum avexit ex Samo. + nunc me ire iussit ad eam et percontarier, + utrum aurum reddat anne eat secum semul. + tu dudum, puere, cum illae usque isti semul: + quae harum sunt aedes, pulta. adi actutum ad fores. + + The parasite of a worthless reprobate is what I am, the + parasite of the Captain that carried the wench off from + Samos with him. Now he has ordered me to call on her and + inquire whether she intends to pay him back his money, or + go along with him. (_scanning the houses_) Boy, you came + along to the place with her a short time ago: whichever + house it is here, knock. Up to the door with you directly: + (_page obeys, knocking timidly_) + + recede hinc dierecte. ut pulsat propudium! + comesse panem tris pedes latum potes, 580 + fores pultare nescis. ecquis in aedibust? + heus, ecquis his est? ecquis hoc aperit ostium? + ecquis exit? + + Get out and be hanged to you! How the imp knocks! You can + devour a loaf of bread three feet wide: as for knocking at + a door, you don’t know how. (_pounds vigorously himself, + and shouts_) Anyone at home? Hi! Anyone here? Anyone minding + this door? Anyone coming? + + +IV. 2. + + Scene 2. + + ENTER _Pistoclerus_ INTO DOORWAY. + +_Pistoc._ + + Quid istuc? quae istaec est pulsatio? + [20]quae te mala crux agitat, qui ad istunc modum + alieno viris tuas extentes ostio? + fores paene exfregisti. quid nunc vis tibi? + + (_angrily_) What’s all this? What do you mean by pounding + so? What the devil ails you, to test your strength on other + people’s doors this way? You’ve nearly smashed it off. Now + what are you after? + +_Par._ + + Adulescens, salve. + + (_somewhat cowed_) Good day, young gentleman. + +_Pistoc._ + + Salve, sed quem quaeritas? + + Good day. But who is it you’re looking for? + +_Par._ + + Bacchidem. + + Bacchis. + +_Pistoc._ + + Utram ergo? + + Well, which? + +_Par._ + + Nil scio nisi Bacchidem. + paucis: me misit miles ad eam Cleomachus, + vel ut ducentos Philippos reddat aureos 590 + vel ut hinc in Elatiam hodie eat secum semul. + + Bacchis--that’s all I know. Briefly: Captain Cleomachus sent + me to say she must either pay him back two hundred golden + sovereigns, or else go along with him to-day to Elatea. + +_Pistoc._ + + Non it. negat se ituram. abi et renuntia. + alium illa amat, non illum. due te ab aedibus. + + She is not going. She refuses to go. Away with you and + report! It’s another man she loves, not him. March yourself + off! + +_Par._ + + Nimis iracunde. + + (_soothingly_) You’re too irritable. + +_Pistoc._ + + At scin quam iracundus siem? + ne tibi hercle haud longe est os ab infortunio, + ita dentifrangibula haec meis manibus gestiunt. + + (_roaring_) But d’ye know how irritable? By the Lord, + that face of yours is precious close to a calamity, the way + these (_shaking his fists at parasite, who retreats_) + tooth-crackers here are itching! + +_Par._ + + Cum ego huius verba interpretor, mihi cautiost, + ne nucifrangibula excussit ex malis meis. + tuo ego istaec igitur dicam illi periculo. + + (_aside, wryly_) To judge from his remarks, I must take care + he doesn’t knock the nutcrackers out of my jaws. (_aloud_) + All right, I’ll tell him about this, and it will be at your + risk. (_turns to go_) + +_Pistoc._ + + Quid ais tu? + + See here! (_advancing_) + +_Par._ + + Ego istuc illi dicam. + + (_backing away_) I’ll tell him what you say. + +_Pistoc._ + + Dic mihi, 600 + quis tu es? + + Tell me this, who are you? + +_Par._ + + Illius sum integumentum corporis. + + (_impressively_) I am the Captain’s corporal integument. + +_Pistoc._ + + Nequam esse oportet cui tu integumentum improbu’s. + + A sorry specimen he must be to have a rascal like you for an + integument! + +_Par._ + + Sufflatus ille huc veniet. + + He’ll be coming here swelling with rage. + +_Pistoc._ + + Dirrumptum velim. + + I hope he bursts. + +_Par._ + + Numquid vis? + + (_going_) Anything more I can do? + +_Pistoc._ + + Abeas. celeriter factost opus. + + Yes, get out! And you need to be quick about it. + (_advancing_) + +_Par._ + + Vale, dentifrangibule. + + (_running_) Farewell, Sir Toothcracker. + +_Pistoc._ + + Et tu, integumentum, vale. + in eum nunc haec res venit locum, ut quid consili + dem meo sodali super amica nesciam, + qui iratus renumeravit omne aurum patri, + neque nummus ullust qui reddatur militi. + sed huc concedam, nam concrepuerunt fores. 610 + Mnesilochus eccum maestus progreditur foras. + + The same to yourself, Sir Integument. [EXIT _Parasite._] + Now matters have come to the point where I don’t know how + to advise my chum about his mistress, what with his getting + angry and counting out all the gold to his father, and not + a penny left to pay the Captain. (_listening_) But I’ll step + aside here: (_does so_) the door creaked. Ah, there’s our + woebegone Mnesilochus coming out. + + +IV. 3. + + Scene 3. + + ENTER _Mnesilochus_ FROM _Bacchis’s_ HOUSE. + +_Mnes._ + + Petulans, protervo iracundo animo, indomito incogitato, + sine modo et modestia sum, sine bono iure atque honore, + incredibilis imposque animi, inamabilis inlepidus vivo, + malevolente ingenio natus. postremo id mi est quod volo + ego esse aliis. credibile hoc est? + nequior nemost neque indignior quoi + di bene faciant neque quem quisquam + homo aut amet aut adeat. + + A hasty fool, a reckless, passionate, uncontrollable, + unthinking fool without method and moderation, that’s what I + am--a creature without any sense of right and honour, + distrustful, hotheaded, loveless, graceless, crabbed and + born crabbed! Yes, yes, I’m everything that I wish some one + else was! Is this credible? There’s not a viler man alive, a + man more unworthy of heaven’s kindness, of having a mortal + soul love him or come near him! + + inimicos quam amicos aequomst med habere, + malos quam bonos par magis me iuvare. + omnibus probris, quae improbis viris 620 + digna sunt, dignior nullus est homo; + qui patri reddidi omne aurum amans, mihi + quod fuit prae manu. sumne ego homo miser? + perdidi me simulque operam Chrysali. + + Enemies are what I ought to have, not friends; rascals are + the right people to help me, not honest men. Not a man on + earth has a better title to all the infamy of an infamous + scoundrel! I to give all that gold to my father, and I in + love--gold I had in hand! If I’m not a poor, poor fool! I’ve + thrown away my own life together with all Chrysalus did for + me. + +_Pistoc._ + + Consolandus his mist, ibo ad eum. + Mnesiloche, quid fit? + + (_aside_) I must console him: I’ll up to him. (_aloud, + approaching_) How are things, Mnesilochus? + +_Mnes._ + + Perii. + + I’m done for. + +_Pistoc._ + + Di melius faciant. + + God forbid! + +_Mnes._ + + Perii. + + (_still more dejectedly_) I’m done for. + +_Pistoc._ + + Non taces, insipiens? + + Won’t you shut up, you silly fellow? + +_Mnes._ + + Taceam? + + Shut up? + +_Pistoc._ + + Sanus satis non est. + + You’ve lost your wits. + +_Mnes._ + + Perii. + multa mala mi in pectore nunc acria atque acerba eveniunt. + criminin me habuisse fidem? immerito tibi iratus fui. + + I’m done for. Oh, the confounded thoughts that crowd in on + me now, exasperating, excruciating! To have credited that + accusation! I had no reason to be angry with you. + +_Pistoc._ + + Heia, bonum habe animum. + + Oh well, cheer up. + +_Mnes._ + + Unde habeam? mortuos pluris pretist 630 + quam ego sum. + + Where can I get cheer? A corpse is worth more than I am. + +_Pistoc._ + + Militis parasitus venerat modo aurum petere hinc, + eum ego meis dictis malis his foribus atque hac platea abegi; + reppuli, reieci hominem. + + (_encouragingly_) The Captain’s parasite has just been here + after the money: I let him have a volley of abuse and drove + him away up the street here. I fought him off, flung him + back. + +_Mnes._ + + Quid mi id prodest? quom ipse veniet, + quid faciam? nil habeo miser. ille quidem hanc abducet, scio. + + (_disconsolate_) What’s the good of that to me? When he + comes himself, what shall I do? I haven’t a penny, wretch + that I am! Of course he’ll carry her off, I know that. + +_Pistoc._ + + Si mihi sit, non pollicear. + + If I had any money myself, I wouldn’t promise it to you. + +_Mnes._ + + Scio, dares, novi tuom. + sed nisi ames, non habeam tibi fidem tantam; eo quod amas tamen + nunc agitas sat tute tuarum rerum; sin liber sies + egone ut opem mi ferre posse putem inopem te? non potest. + + I know, you’d give it to me: I know your way. If you weren’t + in love yourself, though, I shouldn’t have such confidence + in you. Being in love, however, you have troubles enough of + your own as it is. But even if you were fancy free, could I + think you able to supply me, unsupplied as you are yourself? + Impossible! + +_Pistoc._ + + Tace modo: deus respiciet nos aliquis. + + Oh, do shut up: some god will look out for us. + +_Mnes._ + + Nugae. vale. + + Rubbish! (_despairingly, moving off_) Farewell! + +_Pistoc._ + + Mane. + + (_looking down street_) Wait. + +_Mnes._ + + Quid est? + + What’s the matter? + +_Pistoc._ + + Tuam copiam eccam Chrysalum video. tace. + + (_pointing_) Look! I see your supply station, Chrysalus. + Sh--h! (_they withdraw_). + + +IV. 4. + + Scene 4. + + ENTER _Chrysalus_ IN HIGH SPIRITS. + +_Chrys._ + + Hunc hominem decet auro expendi, + huic decet statuam statui ex auro; 640 + nam duplex hodie facinus feci, duplicibus spoliis sum adfectus. + erum maiorem meum ut ego hodie lusi lepide, ut ludificatust. + callidum senem callidis dolis + compuli et perpuli, mi omnia ut crederet. + + Here is a man (_patting his chest_) that is worth his weight + in gold: here is a man who ought to have a gold statue set + up for him. Why, I’ve done a double deed to-day, been graced + with double spoils. The old master--how cleverly I did take + him in to-day, how he was fooled! Wily as the old chap is, + my wily arts impelled him and compelled him to believe me + in everything. + + nunc amanti ero filio senis, + quicum ego bibo, quicum edo et amo, + regias copias aureasque optuli, + ut domo sumeret neu foris quaereret. + non mihi isti placent Parmenones, Syri, + qui duas aut tris minas auferunt eris. 650 + + And now the young master that’s in love, the old one’s son, + that I drink with and eat with and go a-courting with--I’ve + furnished him out with regal supplies, golden supplies, so + that he can go to himself for cash and not look for it + outside. I haven’t any use for those Parmenos,[I] those + Syruses[I] that do their masters out of two or three gold + pieces. + + [Footnote I: Rascally slaves in Greek comedies.] + + nequius nil est quam egens consili servos, nisi + habet multipotens pectus: + ubicumque usus siet, pectore expromat suo. + nullus frugi esse potest homo, + nisi qui et bene et male facere tenet. + + There’s nothing more worthless than a servant without + brains: he’s got to have a precious powerful intellect: + whenever a scheme is needed, let him produce it from his + own intellect. Not a soul can be worth anything, unless + he knows how to be good and bad both. + + improbis cum improbus sit, harpaget, furibus + furetur quod queat, + vorsipellem frugi convenit esse hominem, + pectus quoi sapit: bonus sit bonis, malus sit malis; 659-660 + utcumque res sit, ita animum habeat. + + He must be a rascal among rascals, rob robbers, steal what + he can. A chap that’s worth anything, a chap with a fine + intellect, has to be able to change his skin. He must be + good with the good and bad with the bad; whatever the + situation calls for, that he’s got to be. + + sed lubet scire quantum aurum erus sibi + dempsit et quid suo reddidit patri. + si frugi est, Herculem fecit ex patre: + decimam partem ei dedit, sibi novem abstulit. + sed quem quaero optume eccum obviam mihi est. + + (_pausing_) But I should like to know how much money master + took for himself and what he passed on to his father. If + he is worth anything, he has let his father play Hercules-- + given him a tithe and made off with nine parts for his own + use. (_sees Mnesilochus and Pistoclerus_) Hullo, though! + Here’s a lucky meeting with the man I’m looking for! + + num qui nummi exciderunt, ere, tibi, + quod sic terram optuere? + quid vos maestos tam tristesque esse conspicor? + non placet nec temere est etiam. quin mihi respondetis? 670 + + (_to Mnesilochus_) You haven’t dropped any of the coin, + have you, sir,--gazing at the ground that way? (_waits for + answer_) What makes you two look so sad and gloomy? (_waits + again_) I don’t like it: no indeed, it’s not for nothing. + (_waits again_) Why don’t you answer me? + +_Mnes._ + + Chrysale, occidi. + + Chrysalus, I’m a lost man. + +_Chrys._ + + Fortassis tu auri dempsisti parum? + + You took too little of the gold, perhaps? + +_Mnes._ + + Quam, malum, parum? immo vero nimio minus multo parum. + + Too little, eh, curse it! No indeed,--much too much less + than too little! + +_Chrys._ + + Quid igitur, stulte? an tu, quoniam occasio ad eam rem fuit + mea virtute parta, ut quantum velles tantum sumeres, + sic hoc digitulis duobus sumebas primoribus? + an nescibas quam eius modi homini raro tempus se daret? + + Well, how’s that, you blockhead? After my ability won you + this opportunity to help yourself to just as much as you + pleased, you surely didn’t pick it up this way + (_illustrating_) with a couple of finger tips? Didn’t + you know how seldom a man is offered such a chance? + +_Mnes._ + + Erras. + + You’re making a mistake. + +_Chrys._ + + At quidem tute errasti, cum parum immersti ampliter. + + Well, you made another yourself, by not dipping into it deep + enough. + +_Mnes._ + + Pol tu quam nunc med accuses magis, si magis rem noveris. + occidi. + + (_moodily_) Good Lord! You’d lecture me more than you do + now, if you knew more of the facts. I’m a lost man! + +_Chrys._ + + Animus iam istoc dicto plus praesagitur mali. + + Now I foresee more trouble coming, after that remark. + +_Mnes._ + + Perii. + + I’m done for. + +_Chrys._ + + Quid ita? + + Why so? + +_Mnes._ + + Quia patri omne cum ramento reddidi. 680 + + Because I’ve handed over every scrap of it to my father. + +_Chrys._ + + Reddidisti? + + (_dumbfounded_) Handed it over? + +_Mnes._ + + Reddidi. + + Handed it over. + +_Chrys._ + + Omnene? + + Every bit? + +_Mnes._ + + Oppido. + + Absolutely. + +_Chrys._ + + Occisi sumus. + qui in mentem venit tibi istuc facinus facere tam malum? + + We’re both lost men! What made it enter your head to do such + a thing, such an awful thing? + +_Mnes._ + + Bacchidem atque hunc suspicabar propter crimen, Chrysale, + mi male consuluisse: ob eam rem omne aurum, iratus reddidi + meo patri. + + (_awkwardly_) I heard a charge made, Chrysalus, and + suspected Bacchis and Pistoclerus here of plotting against + me: so I got angry and handed all the money over to my + father. + +_Chrys._ + + Quid, ubi reddebas aurum, dixisti patri? + + What did you tell your father when you handed it over? + +_Mnes._ + + Me id aurum accepisse extemplo ab hospite Archidemide. + + That I had received it on demand from his friend + Archidemides. + +_Chrys._ + + Em, + istoc dicto dedisti hodie in cruciatum Chrysalum; + nam ubi me aspiciet, ad carnuficem rapiet continuo senex. + + (_grimly_) Aha! And gave Chrysalus over to torment by the + statement; for when he sets eyes on me the old man will + promptly hale me off to the public torturer. + +_Mnes._ + + Ego patrem exoravi. + + (_hurriedly_ I persuaded him. + +_Chrys._ + + Nempe ergo hoc ut faceret quod loquor? + + (_dryly_) Indeed? To do what I’m saying, I take it? + +_Mnes._ + + Immo tibi ne noceat neu quid ob eam rem suscenseat; 690 + atque aegre impetravi. nunc hoc tibi curandumst, Chrysale. + + No, no, not to harm you, or be at all angry with you for + what you did; and a hard time I had getting it out of him, + too. (_pauses, then in flattering manner_) Here’s what + you must see to now, Chrysalus. + +_Chrys._ + + Quid vis curem? + + (_sourly_) What do you want me to see to? + +_Mnes._ + + Ut ad senem etiam alteram facias viam. + compara, fabricare finge quod lubet, conglutina, + ut senem hodie doctum docte fallas aurumque auferas. + + To making another march still against the old man. Use your + ideas, your devices, your craft, any way you please, stick + together some clever scheme to fool the clever old fellow + to-day and get away with the gold. + +_Chrys._ + + Vix videtur fieri posse. + + It hardly looks possible to me. + +_Mnes._ + + Perge, ac facile ecfeceris. + + You go ahead, and you’ll carry it through easily. + +_Chrys._ + + Quam, malum, facile, quem mendaci prendit manufesto modo? + quem si orem ut mihi nil credat, id non ausit credere. + + Easily, eh, curse it? A man that has caught me in a + barefaced lie? A man that, if I should beg him not to + believe me in a thing, wouldn’t dare to believe even that! + +_Mnes._ + + Immo si audias quae dicta dixit me adversum tibi. + + (_smiling feebly_) Worse still--if you had only heard what + he said to me about you. + +_Chrys._ + + Quid dixit? + + What did he say? + +_Mnes._ + + Si tu illum solem sibi solem esse diceres, + se illum lunam credere esse et noctem qui nunc est dies. 700 + + That if you told him the sun there was the sun, he’d believe + it was the moon, and that it was night now, not day. + +_Chrys._ + + Emungam hercle hominem probe hodie, ne id nequiquam dixerit. + + (_thinking a moment, then jubilantly_) By Jupiter! I’ll + clean the man up in glorious shape to-day, that he mayn’t + say that for nothing! + +_Mnes._ + + Nunc quid nos vis facere? + + What do you want us to do now? + +_Chrys._ + + Enim nil nisi ut ametis impero. + ceterum quantum lubet me poscitote aurum: ego dabo. + quid mihi refert Chrysalo esse nomen, nisi factis probo? + sed nunc quantillum usust auri tibi, Mnesiloche? dic mihi. + + Oh, make love--that’s all I order. But just apply to me for + gold, as much as you like: I’m your man. What’s the + advantage of my being named Chrysalus, unless I live up to + it? Well now, Mnesilochus, what’s the paltry sum you need? + Tell me. + +_Mnes._ + + Militi nummis ducentis iam usus est pro Bacchide. + + (_eagerly_) I need two hundred pounds at once to pay the + Captain for Bacchis. + +_Chrys._ + + Ego dabo. + + I’m your man. + +_Mnes._ + + Tum nobis opus est sumptu. + + Then we must have something for running expenses. + +_Chrys._ + + Ah, placide volo + unum quidque agamus: hoc ubi egero, tum istuc agam. + de ducentis nummis primum intendam ballistam in senem; + ea ballista si pervortam turrim et propugnacula, 710 + recta porta invadam extemplo in oppidum anticum et vetus: + si id capso, geritote amicis vostris aurum corbibus, + sicut animus sperat. + + Oh, I say, let’s go gently and attend to things one by one: + after I’ve attended to this, then I’ll attend to that: I’ll + train my catapult on the old fellow for the two hundred + first. If I shatter the tower and outworks with the said + catapult, the next minute I’ll plunge straight through the + gate into the ancient and time-worn town; in case I capture + it, you two can carry off gold to your lady friends by the + basketful, and gratify the hope of your soul. + +_Pistoc._ + + Apud test animus noster, Chrysale. + + Our soul is in your keeping, Chrysalus. + +_Chrys._ + + Nunc tu abi intro, Pistoclere, ad Bacchidem, atque ecfer cito. + + (_obviously the manager_) Now, Pistoclerus, inside with you + to Bacchis and hurry back with-- + +_Pistoc._ + + Quid? + + With what? + +_Chrys._ + + Stilum, ceram et tabellas, linum. + + --a stylus, wax and tablets, some tape. + +_Pistoc._ + + Iam faxo his erunt. + + I’ll have them here at once. [EXIT INTO HOUSE. + +_Mnes._ + + Quid nunc es facturus? id mihi dice. + + What are you going to do now? Tell me that. + +_Chrys._ + + Coctumst prandium? + vos duo eritis atque amica tua erit tecum tertia? + + Is lunch cooked? You two, and your girl with you for a + third,--is that the plan? + +_Mnes._ + + Sicut dicis. + + Just so. + +_Chrys._ + + Pistoclero nulla amica est? + + No girl for Pistoclerus? + +_Mnes._ + + Immo adest. + alteram ille amat sororem, ego alteram, ambas Bacchides. + + Oh, yes there is! He loves one sister and I the other, both + of them Bacchises. + +_Chrys._ + + Quid tu loquere? + + (_surprised_) What’s that you tell me? + +_Mnes._ + + Hoc, ut futuri sumus. + + Merely our arrangements. + +_Chrys._ + + Ubist biclinium 720 + vobis stratum? + + Where is this duplex dining-couch of yours set? + +_Mnes._ + + Quid id exquaeris? + + What do you ask that for? + +_Chrys._ + + Res itast, dici volo. + nescis quid ego acturus sim nec facinus quantum exordiar. + + The case calls for it. I want to be told. You don’t know + what I’m up to, what a monster of a scheme I’m going to get + under way. + +_Mnes._ + + Cedo manum ac subsequere propius me ad fores. intro inspice. + + (_slyly_) Give me your hand and follow me closer to the + door. (_leads Chrysalus to the house of Bacchis and pushes + the door open_) Cast your eyes in there! + +_Chrys._ + + Euax, nimis bellus atque ut esse maxume optabam locus. + + (_looking in_) Hurray! Perfectly delicious, yes, just the + sort of place I longed for it to be! + + RE-ENTER _Pistoclerus._ + +_Pistoc._ + + Quae imperavisti. imperatum bene bonis factum ilicost. + + (_to Chrysalus, with mock deference_) Orders followed, sir! + Good orders to good men instantly executed. + +_Chrys._ + + Quid parasti? + + What have you got? + +_Pistoc._ + + Quae parari tu iussisti omnia. + + Everything your mandate called for. (_showing writing + materials_) + +_Chrys._ + + Cape stilum propere et tabellas tu has tibi. + + (_to Mnesilochus_) Quick! Take the stylus and these tablets, + you. + +_Mnes._ + + Quid postea? + + (_obeying_) And then? + +_Chrys._ + + Quod iubebo scribito istic. nam propterea te volo + scribere, ut pater cognoscat litteras quando legat. 730 + scribe. + + Write down there what I dictate. I want you to do the + writing, you see, so that your father will recognize your + hand when he reads it. Write. + +_Mnes._ + + Quid scribam? + + Write what? + +_Chrys._ + + Salutem tuo patri verbis tuis. + + Oh, some wish--use your own words--for your father’s health. + (_Mnesilochus writes_) + +_Pistoc._ + + Quid si potius morbum mortem scribat? id erit rectius. + + Hadn’t he better write sickness and death? That will be more + to the point. + +_Chrys._ + + Ne interturba. + + (_to Pistoclerus_) Don’t muddle him. + +_Mnes._ + + Iam imperatum in cera inest. + + That’s down now according to orders. + +_Chrys._ + + Dic quem ad modum. + + Let’s hear how you’ve put it. + +_Mnes._ + + “Mnesilochus salutem dicit suo patri.” + + (_reading_) “Mnesilochus sends best wishes to his father.” + +_Chrys._ + + Adscribe hoc cito: + “Chrysalus mihi usque quaque loquitur nec recte, pater, + quia tibi aurum reddidi et quia non te fraudaverim.” + + Hurry up, add this: “Chrysalus keeps talking away at me + everywhere, father, and talking harshly, because I handed + the gold over to you and did not defraud you.” + +_Pistoc._ + + Mane dum scribit. + + Give him time to write. + +_Chrys._ + + Celerem oportet esse amatoris manum. + + A lover’s hand ought to be nimble. + +_Pistoc._ + + [21]At quidem hercle est ad perdundum magis quam ad scribundum cita. + + Gad, yes! but it makes shorter work of cash than + correspondence. + +_Mnes._ + + Loquere. hoc scriptumst. + + Go on. That’s written. + +_Chrys._ + + “Nunc, pater mi, proin tu ab eo ut caveas tibi, + sycophantias componit, aurum ut abs ted auferat; 740 + et profecto se ablaturum dixit.” plane adscribito. + + “Now then, father dear, do be on your guard against him--he + is laying a rascally scheme to take the gold from you; and + he vows he will take it.” Write that down plain. + +_Mnes._ + + Dic modo. + + (_after a moment_) Yes, yes, go on. + +_Chrys._ + + “Atque id pollicetur se daturum aurum mihi, + quod dem scortis quodque in lustris comedim congraecem, pater, + sed, pater, vide ne tibi hodie verba det: quaeso cave.” + + “And besides, he promises he will give it to me to spend on + women and to squander in riotous living in low resorts, + father. But, father, do see that he doesn’t impose upon you + to-day: for mercy’s sake, take care.” + +_Mnes._ + + Loquere porro. + + (_finishing_) All right, some more. + +_Chrys._ + + Adscribe dum etiam-- + + Just go on and add--(_thinking_) + +_Mnes._ + + Loquere quid scribam modo. + + Well, say what. + +_Chrys._ + + “Sed, pater, quod promisisti mihi, te quaeso ut memineris, + ne illum verberes; verum apud te vinctum adservato domi.” + cedo tu ceram ac linum actutum. age obliga, obsigna cito. + + “However, I beg you to remember what you promised me, + father: don’t beat him; but tie him up and keep watch on him + at home.” (_to Pistoclerus_) The wax and tape, you, look + sharp! (_Pistoclerus obeys. To Mnesilochus_) Come on, + fasten it, seal it, quick! + +_Mnes._ + + Obsecro, quid istis ad istunc usust conscriptis modum, + ut tibi ne quid credat atque ut vinctum te adservet domi? 750 + + (_obeying_) For heaven’s sake, what’s the use of a + document like this, telling him not to believe you at all, + to tie you up and keep watch on you at home? + +_Chrys._ + + Quia mi ita lubet. potin ut cures te atque ut ne parcas mihi? + mea fiducia opus conduxi et meo periclo rem gero. + + Because it suits me. Can’t you mind your own business and + not bother about me? (_arrogantly_) I was relying on myself + when I contracted for this job, and I’ll take the risk + myself in doing it. + +_Mnes._ + + Aequom dicis. + + Fairly spoken. + +_Chrys._ + + Cedo tabellas. + + Hand over the tablets. + +_Mnes._ + + Accipe. + + (_doing so_) Here they are. + +_Chrys._ + + Animum advortite. + Mnesiloche et tu, Pistoclere, iam facite in biclinio + cum amica sua uterque accubitum eatis, ita negotiumst, + atque ibidem ubi nunc sunt lecti strati potetis cito. + + Attention now! Mnesilochus, and you too, Pistoclerus, go at + once and take your places on your duplex dining-couch, each + of you beside his girl--that’s the thing to do--and right + there where the couches are set at present you hurry up and + begin drinking. + +_Pistoc._ + + Numquid aliud? + + (_turning to go_) Nothing else? + +_Chrys._ + + Hoc, atque etiam: ubi erit accubitum semel, + ne quoquam exsurgatis, donec a me erit signum datum. + + Just this--and one thing more: when you’ve once taken your + places, don’t move an inch off the couches until you get the + signal from me. + +_Pistoc._ + + O imperatorem probum! + + O peerless leader! + +_Chrys._ + + Iam bis bibisse oportuit. + + (_bustling them off_) You should have put down two + drinks already. + +_Mnes._ + + Fugimus. + + (_in mock terror_) We’re running away. + +_Chrys._ + + Vos vostrum curate officium, ego efficiam meum. 760 + + (_grinning_) You two do your duty and I’ll attend to mine. + + [EXEUNT _Pistoclerus_ AND _Mnesilochus_ INTO HOUSE OF + _Bacchis_. + + +IV. 5. + + Scene 5. + +_Chrys._ + + insanum magnum molior negotium, + metuoque ut hodie possiem emolirier. + sed nunc truculento mi atque saevo usus senest; + nam non conducit huic sycophantiae + senem tranquillum esse ubi me aspexerit. + + (_doubtfully_) It’s some wild, wild work I’ve got in + hand, and what I’m afraid of is that I can’t carry it out. + (_pauses_) But now I must make the old man feel fierce and + savage. For it won’t suit this swindle of mine, to have him + peaceful when he sets eyes on me. + + versabo ego illum hodie, si vivo, probe. + tam frictum ego illum reddam quam frictum est cicer. + adambulabo ad ostium, ut, quando exeat, + extemplo advenienti ei tabellas dem in manum. + + I’ll turn him other end up to-day, handsomely, on my life, + I will. I’ll see he’s roasted like a roasted pea. I’ll + saunter up to the door so that when he comes out I can hand + him the letter the minute he appears. (_withdraws as door + opens_) + + +IV. 6. + + Scene 6. + + ENTER _Nicobulus_ FROM HOUSE. + +_Nic._ + + Nimium illaec res est magnae dividiae mihi, 770 + supterfugisse sic mihi hodie Chrysalum. + + Ugh! how it does rankle to have let Chrysalus get out of my + reach as he has to-day. + +_Chrys._ + + Salvos sum, iratus est senex. nunc est mihi + adeundi ad hominem tempus. + + (_in low tone_) Saved! The old fellow’s angry. Now is the + time to approach him. + +_Nic._ + + Quis loquitur prope? + atque his quidem, opinor, Chrysalust. + + (_aside_) Who’s that speaking near here? (_seeing Chrysalus_) + Yes, it’s actually Chrysalus, I do believe. + +_Chrys._ + + Accessero. + + (_aside_) At him now! (_approaches_) + +_Nic._ + + Bone serve, salve. quid fit? quam mox navigo + in Ephesum, ut aurum repetam ab Theotimo domum? + taces? per omnis deos adiuro, ut ni meum + gnatum tam amem atque ei facta cupiam quae is velit, + ut tua iam virgis latera lacerentur probe 779-780 + ferratusque in pistrino aetatem conteras. + omnia rescivi scelera ex Mnesilocho tua. + + Ah! my good servant, how goes it? How soon shall I sail to + Ephesus to bring home the gold from Theotimus? Silent, eh? + (_more savagely_) I swear to heaven if I didn’t love my son + so, if I wasn’t anxious to gratify his wishes, those flanks + of yours would be torn to ribbons with rods this instant and + you should wear out your days in fetters in the mill. I have + heard about your rascality from Mnesilochus--everything. + +_Chrys._ + + Men criminatust? optimest: ego sum malus, + ego sum sacer, scelestus. specta rem modo; + ego verbum faciam nullum. + + (_affecting indignation_) He’s accused me, me? Very fine + indeed! I’m the one that’s bad, I’m the cursed criminal! + (_significantly_) You just keep your eyes open; that’s all + I have to say. + +_Nic._ + + Etiam, carnufex, + minitare? + + What? Threatening, you hangdog? + +_Chrys._ + + Nosces tu illum actutum qualis sit. + nunc has tabellas ferre me iussit tibi. + orabat, quod istic esset scriptum ut fieret. + + You’ll shortly know what sort he is. He ordered me to bring + this letter to you now. Begged you to do what’s written + there. + +_Nic._ + + Cedo. + + Give it here. + +_Chrys._ + + Nosce signum. + + (_obeying_) Take notice of the seal. + +_Nic._ + + Novi. ubi ipse est? + + (_seeing it is intact_) Yes, yes. Where is my son himself? + +_Chrys._ + + Nescio. + nil iam me oportet scire. oblitus sum omnia. 790 + scio me esse servom. nescio etiam id quod scio. + nunc ab trasenna his turdus lumbricum petit; + pendebit hodie pulcre, ita intendi tenus. + + (_surlily_) Don’t know. The proper thing for me now is to + know nothing. I’ve forgotten everything. I know I’m a slave. + I don’t even know what I do know. (_aside_) Now our thrush + here is after the worm in my trap; he’ll soon be hung up + handsomely, the way I’ve set the noose. + +_Nic._ + + Mane dum parumper; iam exeo ad te, Chrysale. + + (_having read letter_) Just wait a moment; (_goes toward + house_) I’ll soon be back with you, Chrysalus. + [EXIT INTO HOUSE. + + _Chrys._ + + Ut verba mihi dat, ut nescio quam rem gerat. + servos arcessit intus qui me vinciant. + bene navis agitatur, pulcre haec confertur ratis. + sed conticiscam, nam audio aperiri fores. + + (_elated_) Oh, isn’t he bluffing me! Oh, isn’t it mysterious + what he’s at! He’s fetching servants from inside to tie me + up. A lovely shake-up the galleon there is getting: the + little bark here is putting up a fine fight! (_listening_) + But not a word! I hear the door opening. + + +IV. 7. + + Scene 7. + + ENTER _Nicobulus_ BRINGING SLAVE OVERSEER AND OTHER SLAVES. + +_Nic._ + + Constringe tu illi, Artamo, actutum manus. + + (_to overseer_) Quick, Artamo, fasten his hands there! + +_Chrys._ + + Quid feci? + + (_as Artamo obeys_) What have I done? + +_Nic._ + + Impinge pugnum, si muttiverit. 800 + quid hae locuntur litterae? + + (_to Artamo_) Plant your fists in his face, if he breathes + a word. (_to Chrysalus_) What does this letter say? + +_Chrys._ + + Quid me rogas? + ut ab illo accepi, ad te obsignatas attuli. + + What are you asking me for? I took it from him and brought + it to you just as it was, all sealed. + +_Nic._ + + Eho tu,[22] loquitatusne es gnato meo + male per sermonem, quia mi id aurum reddidit, + et te dixisti id aurum ablaturum tamen + per sycophantiam? + + Oho, you! So you have been giving my son the rough side of + your tongue, because he handed over that gold to me? Said + you’d take it from me just the same by some rascally scheme, + eh? + +_Chrys._ + + Egone istuc dixi? + + I said that, I? + +_Nic._ + + Ita. + + Just so. + +_Chrys._ + + Quis homost qui dicat me dixisse istuc? + + Who’s the man says I said that? + +_Nic._ + + Tace, + nullus homo dicit: hae tabellae te arguont, + quas tu attulisti. em hae te vinciri iubent. + + Silence! No man says it: this letter indicts you, the one + you brought yourself. (_showing it_) There! This orders + you to be tied up. + +_Chrys._ + + Aha, Bellorophontem tuos me fecit filius: 810 + egomet tabellas tetuli ut vincirer. sine. + + (_resignedly_) Aha! Your son has made a Bellerophon[J] of + me: I myself brought the letter to have myself tied up. + (_dangerously_) Very well! + + [Footnote J: Who carried a letter which was to be his + own death warrant] + +_Nic._ + + Propterea hoc facio, ut suadeas gnato meo + ut pergraecetur tecum, tervenefice. + + (_ironically_)) I do this merely to make you persuade my son + to join you in riotous living, you soulless villain. + +_Chrys._ + + O stulte, stulte, nescis nunc venire te; + atque in eopse adstas lapide, ut praeco praedicat. + + Oh, you poor poor fool, you don’t know you’re being sold + this moment; and here you are standing on the very block + with the crier crying you! + +_Nic._ + + Responde: quis me vendit? + + (_mystified_) Answer! Who is selling me? + +_Chrys._ + + Quem di diligunt + adulescens moritur, dum valet sentit sapit. + hunc si ullus deus amaret, plus annis decem, + plus iam viginti mortuom esse oportuit: + terrai odium ambulat, iam nil sapit 820 + nec sentit, tantist quantist fungus putidus. + + (_sneeringly_) He whom the gods love dies young, while he + has his strength and senses and wits. If any god loved this + fellow, (_indicating Nicobulus_) it’s more than ten years, + more than twenty years ago, he ought to have died. He + ambles along encumbering the earth, absolutely witless + and senseless already, worth about as much as a mushroom-- + a rotten one. + +_Nic._ + + Tun terrae me odium esse autumas? abducite hunc + intro atque adstringite ad columnam fortiter. + numquam auferes hinc aurum. + + (_furious_) So I encumber the earth, do I, according to you? + (_to Artamo and slaves_) March him off inside! yes, and tie + him to a pillar--tight! (_to Chrysalus_) You shall never + take that gold away from me. + +_Chrys._ + + At qui iam dabis. + + (_mysteriously_) However, you’ll soon give it away. + +_Nic._ + + Dabo? + + I give it away? + +_Chrys._ + + Atque orabis me quidem ultro ut auferam, + cum illum rescisces criminatorem meum + quanto in periclo et quanta in pernicie siet. + tum libertatem Chrysalo largibere; + ego adeo numquam accipiam. + + Yes, and beg me, beg me of your own accord, to take it away, + when you learn about that accuser of mine and what danger, + what deadly danger, he’s in. Then you’ll be all for + liberating Chrysalus; but not for me, I won’t be liberated. + +_Nic._ + + Dic, scelerum caput, + dic, quo in periclo est meus Mnesilochus filius? 830 + + Speak, you fount of iniquity, speak--what danger is my son + Mnesilochus in? + +_Chrys._ + + Sequere hac me, faxo iam scies. + + (_going toward Bacchis’s house_) This way; follow me: I’ll + soon let you know. + +_Nic._ + + Quo gentium? + + (_following_) Where on earth are you taking me? + +_Chrys._ + + Tres unos passus. + + Three steps merely. + +_Nic._ + + Vel decem. + + Ten, for that matter. + +_Chrys._ + + Agedum tu, Artamo, + forem hanc pauxillum aperi; placide, ne crepa; + sat est. accede huc tu. viden convivium? + + Come on now, you, Artamo; open this door a tiny bit; easy, + don’t make it creak. (_Artamo obeys_) That will do. (_to + Nicobulus_) Step up here, you. See that jovial party? + (_pointing inside_) + +_Nic._ + + Video exadvorsum Pistoclerum et Bacchidem. + + (_peeking in_) I see Pistoclerus and Bacchis right opposite. + +_Chrys._ + + Qui sunt in lecto illo altero? + + Who are on that other couch? + +_Nic._ + + Interii miser. + + (_peeking again, then with a start_) Death and damnation! + +_Chrys._ + + Novistine hominem? + + Do you recognize the gentleman? + +_Nic._ + + Novi. + + I do. + +_Chrys._ + + Dic sodes mihi, + bellan videtur specie mulier? + + Kindly give me your opinion--good-looking female, eh? + +_Nic._ + + Admodum. + + (_angrily_) Quite so! + +_Chrys._ + + Quid illam, meretricemne esse censes? + + Well, do you think she’s a harlot? + +_Nic._ + + Quippini? + + Naturally. + +_Chrys._ + + Frustra es. + + You’re mistaken. + +_Nic._ + + Quis igitur obsecrost? + + For heaven’s sake, who is she, then? + +_Chrys._ + + Inveneris. 840 + ex me quidem hodie numquam fies certior. + + (_again mysterious_) You’ll soon discover. But you’ll never + get the information from me to-day. + + +IV. 8. + + Scene 8. + + ENTER _Cleomachus_, APPARENTLY NOT SEEING GROUP AT DOORWAY. + +_Cleom._ + + Meamne hic Mnesilochus, Nicobuli filius, + per vim ut retineat mulierem? quae haec factiost? + + (_blustering_) Mnesilochus, Nicobulus’s son, keep her here + by force--my woman? What sort of conduct is this? + +_Nic._ + + Quis illest? + + Who is that? + +_Chrys._ + + Per tempus hic venit miles mihi. + + (_aside_) The Captain has come just in the nick of time for + me. (_draws Nicobulus farther away_) + +_Cleom._ + + Non me arbitratur militem, sed mulierem, + qui me meosque non queam defendere. + nam neque Bellona mi umquam neque Mars creduat, + ni illum exanimalem faxo, si convenero, + nive exheredem fecero vitae suae. + + He takes me for a woman, not a soldier, a woman unable to + defend myself and mine! Now never may Bellona[K] and Mars + trust me more, unless I extinguish his vital spark, once I + come upon him, and unless I disinherit him of his existence! + + [Footnote K: The goddess of war.] + +_Nic._ + + Chrysale, quis ille est qui minitatur filio? 850 + + (_anxiously_) Chrysalus! who’s that threatening my son? + +_Chrys._ + + Vir hic est illius mulieris quacum accubat. + + (_coolly_) He is the husband of that woman beside your son + on the couch. + +_Nic._ + + Quid, vir? + + (_in terror_) What? The husband? + +_Chrys._ + + Vir, inquam. + + That is what I say, the husband. + +_Nic._ + + Nuptanest illa, obsecro? + + For heaven’s sake, is she married? + +_Chrys._ + + Scies haud multo post. + + You’ll see a little later. + +_Nic._ + + Oppido interii miser. + + Oh! This is perfectly agonizing! + +_Chrys._ + + Quid nunc? scelestus tibi videtur Chrysalus? + age nunc vincito me, auscultato filio. + dixin tibi ego illum inventurum te qualis sit? + + What now? Do you think Chrysalus is the criminal? Go ahead + now, tie me up and listen to your son. Didn’t I tell you + you’d find out what sort he is? + +_Nic._ + + Quid nunc ego faciam? + + What shall I do now? + +_Chrys._ + + Iube sis me exsolvi cito; + nam ni ego exsolvor, iam manufesto hominem opprimet. + + Kindly have me loosed, and quickly; for if I’m not loosed, + he’ll soon be surprising our gentleman red-handed. + +_Cleom._ + + Nihil est lucri quod me hodie facere mavelim, + quam illum cubantem cum illa opprimere, ambo ut necem. 860 + + There is no amount of money I had rather make to-day than + surprise him with her in his arms, so that I may slay them + both! + +_Chrys._ + + Audin quae loquitur? quin tu me exsolvi iubes? + + You hear what he’s saying? Why don’t you have me loosed? + +_Nic._ + + Exsolvite istum. perii, pertimui miser. + + (_to slaves_) Loose him. (_they obey_) This is awful! Dear, + dear, I’m frightened through and through! + +_Cleom._ + + Tum illam, quae corpus publicat volgo suom, + faxo se haud dicat nactam quem derideat. + + Then that woman who makes a common prostitute of herself--I + warrant she’ll not say she has lit on a man she can laugh to + scorn! + +_Chrys._ + + Pacisci cum illo paulula pecunia + potes. + + You can buy him off for a bit of cash. + +_Nic._ + + Pacisce ergo, obsecro, quid tibi lubet, + dum ne manifesto hominem opprimat neve enicet. + + (_beside himself_) Buy him off, then, for heaven’s sake-- + anything you like--if only he doesn’t surprise the lad + red-handed and slay him! + +_Cleom._ + + Nunc nisi ducenti Philippi redduntur mihi, + iam illorum ego animam amborum exsorbebo oppido. + + Unless two hundred pounds are given me at once, I’ll drain + them dry, the both of them, of the breath of life this + moment. + +_Nic._ + + Em illuc pacisce, si potes; perge obsecro, 870 + pacisce quid vis. + + There! Buy him off for that, if you can. At him, for + heaven’s sake: buy him off at any price. + +_Chrys._ + + Ibo et faciam sedulo. + quid clamas? + + I’ll go and do my best, (_approaching Cleomachus_) What are + you bawling at? + +_Cleom._ + + Ubi erus tuos est? + + Where is your master? + +_Chrys._ + + Nusquam. nescio + vis tibi ducentos nummos iam promittier, + ut ne clamorem hie facias neu convicium? + + (_loudly_) Nowhere. I don’t know. (_gets him farther from + Nicobulus_) Do you want to have two hundred pounds promised + you instantly, on condition you don’t come bawling or + bellowing here? + +_Cleom._ + + Nihil est quod malim. + + (_calming down_) Nothing I should like better. + +_Chrys._ + + Atque ut tibi mala multa ingeram? + + (_in low tone_) Yes, and on condition you take plenty of + hard words from me? + +_Cleom._ + + Tuo arbitratu. + + At your own discretion. + +_Nic._ + + Ut subblanditur carnufex. + + (_hearing only last words_) How the hangdog is wheedling him! + +_Chrys._ + + Pater hic Mnesilochi est; sequere, is promittet tibi. + tu aurum rogato; ceterum verbum sat est. + + Here is (_pointing_) Mnesilochus’s father; come on; he’ll + promise it to you. You ask for the money; (_meaningly_) as + for the rest, a word will suffice. (_Cleomachus nods his + understanding: they join Nicobulus_) + +_Nic._ + + Quid fit? + + Well? Well? + +_Chrys._ + + Ducentis Philippis rem pepigi. + + I’ve settled for two hundred pounds. + +_Nic._ + + Ah, salus + mea, servavisti me. quam mox dico “dabo”? 880 + + (_ecstatic_) Ah, my salvation! you’ve saved me! How long + before I say “I’ll pay”? + +_Chrys._ + + Roga hunc tu, tu promitte huic. + + (_to Cleomachus_) You make your demand of him: (_to + Nicobulus_) you promise him. + +_Nic._ + + Promitto, roga. + + (_eagerly_) I promise: make your demand. + +_Cleom._ + + Ducentos nummos aureos Philippos probos + dabin? + + Will you pay me two hundred good honest gold sovereigns? + +_Chrys._ + + “Dabuntur” inque. responde. + + (_to Nicobulus_) “I will”: say that. Answer him. + +_Nic._ + + Dabo. + + I will. + +_Chrys._ + + Quid nunc, impure? numquid debetur tibi? + quid illi molestu’s? quid illum morte territas? + et ego te et ille mactamus infortunio. + si tibi est machaera, at nobis veruinast domi: + qua quidem te faciam, si tu me inritaveris, + confossiorem soricina nenia. + iam dudum hercle equidem sentio, suspicio 890 + quae te sollicitet: eum esse cum illa muliere. + + (_to Cleomachus_) What now, you beast? Is anything owed + you? What are you annoying that gentleman for? What are you + scaring him with murderous threats for? We’ll give you a + horrible time of it, he and I together. You may have a + sword, but we’ve got a little spit at home: if you get me + roused, I’ll up with it and stick you fuller of holes than + a squealing shrewmouse. Good Lord! Why, I saw it all long + ago--how you’re suffering from the suspicion that he’s with + the lady there. + +_Cleom._ + + Immo est quoque. + + Suspicion? He is there, too. + +_Chrys._ + + Ita me Iuppiter Iuno Ceres + Minerva[23] Latona Spes Opis Virtus Venus + Castor Polluces Mars Mercurius Hercules + Summanus Sol Saturnus dique omnes ament, + ut ille cum illa neque cubat neque ambulat + neque osculatur neque illud quod dici solet. + + (_with unction_) So help me Jupiter, Juno, Ceres, Minerva, + Latona, Spes, Ops, Virtus, Venus, Castor, Pollux, Mars, + Mercury, Hercules, Summanus, Sol, Saturn, and all the gods, + he is neither lying with her, nor walking with her, nor + kissing her, nor anything else he has the name of doing. + +_Nic._ + + Ut iurat! servat me ille suis periuriis. + + (_aside_) What an oath! The man is saving me by perjuring + himself. + +_Cleom._ + + Ubi nunc Mnesilochus ergost? + + Where is Mnesilochus at present, then? + +_Chrys._ + + Rus misit pater, + illa autem in arcem abiit aedem visere 900 + Minervae. nunc apertast. i, vise estne ibi. + + His father has sent him out to the farm. As for the lady, + she has gone to the Acropolis to visit Minerva’s temple. + It’s open now. Go and see if she isn’t there. + +_Cleom._ + + Abeo ad forum igitur. + + In that case, I’ll be off to the forum. + +_Chrys._ + + Vel hercle in malam crucem. + + Or to blazes, if you like, by gad! + +_Cleom._ + + Hodie exigam aurum hoc? + + Shall I get the money out of him to-day? + +_Chrys._ + + Exige, ac suspende te: + ne supplicare hunc censeas tibi, nihili homo, + ille est amotus. sine me--per te, ere, opsecro + deos immortales--ire huc intro ad filium. + + Get it, and be hanged to you! You needn’t think he will sue + for favours from you, you riffraff. [EXIT _Cleomachus_] He’s + sent packing. (_fervently_) In the name of heaven, sir, do + let me go in here and see your son, I beseech you. + +_Nic._ + + Quid eo intro ibis? + + Go in this house? Why? + +_Chrys._ + + Ut eum dictis plurumis + castigem, cum haec sic facta ad hunc faciat modum. + + So that I may reprove him roundly for acting in such a way + as this. + +_Nic._ + + Immo oro ut facias, Chrysale, et ted opsecro, + cave parsis in eum dicere. + + Let you? I beg you to, Chrysalus, and I beseech you, don’t + spare him in the slightest! + +_Chrys._ + + Etiam me mones? 910 + satin est si plura ex me audiet hodie mala, + quam audivit umquam Clinia ex Demetrio? + + (_virtuously indignant_) D’ye warn me of that, me? Is it + enough, if he hears more hard words from me this day than + ever Clinia[L] heard from Demetrius?[L] + [EXIT _Chrysalus_ INTO HOUSE OF _Bacchis_. + + [Footnote L: Characters in some familiar play.] + +_Nic._ + + Lippi illic oculi servos est simillimus: + si non est, nolis esse neque desideres; + si est, abstinere quin attingas non queas. + nam ni illic hodie forte fortuna his foret, + miles Mnesilochum cum uxore opprimeret sua + atque obtruncaret moechum manufestarium. + + (_ruefully_) That servant of mine is very much like a sore + eye: if you haven’t got one, you don’t want one and don’t + miss it; if you have, you can’t keep your hands off it. Why, + if he hadn’t happened by good luck to be here to-day, the + Captain would have surprised Mnesilochus with his wife and + cut him to pieces for an adulterer caught in the act. + + nunc quasi decentis Philippis emi filium, + quos dare promisi militi: quos non dabo 920 + temere etiam prius quam filium convenero. + numquam edepol quicquam temere credam Chrysalo; + verum lubet etiam ni has perlegere denuo: + aequomst tabellis consignatis credere. + + As it is, I have bought my son, so to speak, for the two + hundred pounds I promised to pay the Captain--two hundred + I won’t be rash enough to pay him yet, before I have met + the boy. I’ll put no rash confidence in Chrysalus, never, + by heaven! But I’ve a mind to read this over (_looking at + letter_) once more still: a man ought to have confidence in + a sealed letter. [EXIT INTO HOUSE. + + +IV. 9. + + Scene 9. + + (_Fifteen minutes have elapsed._) + + ENTER _Chrysalus_ FROM _Bacchis’s_ HOUSE. + +_Chrys._ + + Atridae duo frates eluent fecisse facinus maxumum, + quom Priami patriam Pergamum divina moenitum manu + armis, equis, exercitu atque eximiis bellatoribus + mille cum numero navium decumo anno post subegerunt. + non pedibus termento fuit praeut ego erum expugnabo meum + sine classe sineque exercitu et tanto numero militum.[24] 930 + nunc prius quam huc senex venit, libet lamentari dum exeat. (932) + + (_bumptiously_) The two sons of Atreus have the name of + having done a mighty deed when Priam’s paternal city, + Pergamum, “fortified by hand divine,” was laid low by ’em + after ten years, and they with weapons, horses, and army and + warriors of renown and a thousand ships to help ’em. That + wasn’t enough to raise a blister on their feet, compared + with the way I’ll take my master by storm, without a fleet + and without an army and all that host of soldiers. Now + before the old chap appears, I feel like raising a dirge + for him till he comes out. + + o Troia, o patria, o Pergamum, o Priame periisti senex, + qui misere male mulcabere quadringentis Philippis aureis. + nam ego has tabellas obsignatas consignatas quas fero + non sunt tabellae, sed equos quem misere Achivi ligneum.[25] (936) + + (wailing) O Troy, O paternal city, O Pergamum! O ancient + Priam, thy day is past! Thou shalt be badly, badly beaten-- + out of four hundred golden sovereigns. Ah yes, these tablets + here, (_showing them_) sealed and signed, which I bear, are + no tablets, but a horse sent by the Greeks--a wooden horse.[25] + + tum quae his sunt scriptae litterae, hoc in equo insunt milites 941 + armati atque animati probe. ita res successit mi usque adhuc. + atque hic equos non in arcem, verum in arcam faciet impetum; + exitium excidium exlecebra fiet hic equos hodie auro senis. + + Moreover, the words herein inscribed are the soldiers within + this horse, soldiers armed to the teeth and full of fight. + Thus has my scheme progressed up till now. Aye, and this + horse will proceed to assail not a stronghold, but a + strongbox. The wreck, ruin, and rape of the old man’s + gold will this horse prove to-day. + + nostro seni huic stolido, ei profecto nomen facio ego Ilio; + miles Menelaust, ego Agamemno, idem Vlixes Lartius, + Mnesilochust Alexander, qui erit exitio rei patriae suae; + is Helenam avexit, cuia causa nunc facio obsidium Ilio. + + This silly old man of ours--I dub him Ilium, I certainly + do. The Captain is Menelaus, I Agamemnon: I am likewise + Laertian Ulysses: Mnesilochus is Alexander,[M] who will be + the destruction of his native city; he is the one that + carried off Helen, on account of whom I now besiege Ilium. + + [Footnote M: Paris] + + nam illi itidem Vlixem audivi, ut ego sum, + fuisse et audacem et malum: + in dolis ego prensus sum, + ille mendicans paene inventus interiit, 950 + dum ibi exquirit fata Iliorum; adsimiliter mi hodie optigit. + vinctus sum. sed dolis me exemi: item se ille servavit dolis. + + At that Ilium Ulysses, so they say, was a bold, bad man, + just as I am now. I was caught in my wiles; he was found + begging and almost perished, while he was seeking to learn + there the destinies of the Ilians. What befell me to-day + was quite similar. I was bound, but released myself by + wiles: by wiles he likewise saved himself. + + Ilio tria fuisse audivi fata quae illi forent exitio: + signum ex arce si periisset; alterum etiamst Troili mors; + tertium, cum portae Phrygiae limen superum scinderetur: + paria item tria eis tribus sunt fata nostro huic Ilio. + + In the case of that Ilium, so they say, there were three + fateful events which would prove her downfall: if the + image[N] disappeared from the citadel; still a second, + the death of Troilus[O]; the third, when the upper lintel + of the Phrygian gate should be torn away. Counterparts of + these three are three fateful events, too, in the case of + this Ilium of ours. + + [Footnote N: The Palladium, a statue of Pallas] + + [Footnote O: A son of Priam, slain by Achilles] + + nam dudum primo ut dixeram nostro seni mendacium + et de hospite et de auro et de lembo, ibi signum ex arce iam abstuli. + iam duo restabant fata tunc, nec magis id ceperam oppidum. + post ubi tabellas ad senem detuli, ibi occidi Troilum, 960 + cum censuit Mnesilochum cum uxore esse dudum militis.[26] (961) + + For a little while ago when I first told our old man that + lie about his friend and the gold and the galley, I there + and then stole the image from the citadel. Even then two + fateful events were yet to come, and the town was still + untaken. Later, on carrying the letter to the old man, + I then slew my Troilus, when he thought Mnesilochus a + short time ago was with the Captain’s wife.[26] + + post cum magnifico milite, urbes verbis qui mermus capit, (966) + conflixi atque hominem reppuli; dein pugnam conserui seni: + eum ego adeo uno mendacio devici, uno ictu extempulo + cepi spolia. is nunc ducentos nummos Philippos militi, + quos dare se promisit, dabit, 970 + nunc alteris etiam ducentis usus est, qui dispensentur + Ilio capto, ut sit mulsum qui triumphent milites.[27] (972) + + Still later I closed with the noble Captain--who captures + cities with no weapon save his mighty tongue--and hurled him + back. Next I joined battle with the old man: aye, and him I + struck down with a single lie; a single blow, and the spoils + were mine. He now will give the Captain the two hundred + pounds he promised him. And now there is need of another two + hundred still, to be disbursed, on Ilium’s capture, that the + soldiery may have wine and honey to celebrate their victory.[27] + + sed Priamum adstantem eccum ante portam video. + adibo atque adloquar. (978) + + [ENTER _Nicobulus_ FROM HIS HOUSE.] Aha, though! I see Priam + standing before the gate. I’ll up and address him. + +_Nic._ + + Quoianam vox prope me sonat? + + (_looking round_) Whose voice is that I hear near me? + +_Chrys._ + + O Nicobule. + + (_approaching_) Oh, sir! + +_Nic._ + + Quid fit? + quid quod te misi, ecquid egisti? + + (_eagerly_) How goes it? What about your mission--have you + accomplished anything? + +_Chrys._ + + Rogas? congredere. + + Do you ask that? Come here, close. + +_Nic._ + + Gradior. 980 + + (_doing so_) I am. + +_Chrys._ + + Optumus sum orator. ad lacrumas coegi hominem castigando + maleque dictis, quae quidem quivi comminisci. + + (_enthusiastic_) I’m the orator for you! I fairly brought + our man to tears, by saying all the harsh, bitter things I + could think of. + +_Nic._ + + Quid ait? + + What did he say? + +_Chrys._ + + Verbum + nullum fecit: lacrumans tacitus auscultabat quae ego loquebar; + tacitus conscripsit tabellas, obsignatas mi has dedit. + tibi me iussit dare, sed metuo, ne idem cantent quod priores. + nosce signum. estne eius? + + Not a word; just wept in silence and paid attention to what + I was telling him. Still silent, he wrote a letter, sealed + it, and gave it to me. He ordered me to give it to you. But + I’m afraid it sings the same song as the other one (_hands + tablets to Nicobulus_) Take notice of the seal. Is it his? + +_Nic._ + + Novi. libet perlegere has. + + (_examining seal_) Yes, yes; I’m anxious to read this over. + +_Chrys._ + + Perlege. + nunc superum limen scinditur, nunc adest exitium Ilio, + turbat equos lepide ligneus. + + Do. (_aside_) Now the upper lintel is being torn away; now + Ilium’s fall is nigh. The wooden horse is making a beautiful + mess of things. + +_Nic._ + + Chrysale, ades, dum ego has perlego. + + Chrysalus, stay here while I read this over. + +_Chrys._ + + Quid me tibi adesse opus est? + + What’s the use of my staying with you? + +_Nic._ + + Volo,[28] + ut scias quae his scripta sient. + + I wish it, so that you may know what is written here. + +_Chrys._ + + Nil moror neque scire volo. + + Not for me--I don’t wish to know. + +_Nic._ + + Tamen ades. + + Never mind, stay here. + +_Chrys._ + + Quid opust? + + What’s the use? + +_Nic._ + + Taceas: + quod iubeo id facias. + + (_angry_) Silence! do what I tell you. + +_Chrys._ + + Adero. 990A + + (_apparently reluctant_) Stay I will. + +_Nic._ + + Euge litteras minutas. + + (_opening tablets_) Well, well! What tiny letters. + +_Chrys._ + + Qui quidem videat parum; + verum, qui satis videat, grandes satis sunt. + + (_innocently_) Yes, for a man with poor eyes; they’re big + enough, if your sight is good enough, though. + +_Nic._ + + Animum advortito igitur. + + Well then, pay attention. + +_Chrys._ + + Nolo inquam. + + I don’t want to, I tell you. + +_Nic._ + + At volo inquam. + + But I want you to, I tell you. + +_Chrys._ + + Quid opust? + + What’s the use? + +_Nic._ + + At enim id quod te iubeo facias. + + See here now, you do what I order. + +_Chrys._ + + Iustumst ut tuos tibi servos tuo arbitratu serviat. + + (_after reflection, impartially_) It’s right for your own + servant to serve you as you see fit, sir. + +_Nic._ + + Hoc age sis nunciam. + + Now kindly attend to this at once. + +_Chrys._ + + Ubi lubet, recita: aurium operam tibi dico. + + Read when you like, sir: I promise you my ears. + +_Nic._ + + Cerae quidem haud parsit neque stilo; + sed quidquid est, pellegere certumst. + “Pater, ducentos Philippos quaeso Chrysalo + da, si esse salvom vis me aut vitalem tibi.” + malum quidem hercle magnum. + + (_looking tablets over with a sigh_) He hasn’t been sparing + of wax or stylus, it seems. But whatever it is, I’m resolved + to read it through, (_reading_) “Father, do for mercy’s sake + give Chrysalus two hundred pounds, if you wish to have your + son safe, or alive.” Give him a good sound thrashing, by + heaven! + +_Chrys._ + + Tibi dico. + + I say. + +_Nic._ + + Quid est? + + Well? + +_Chrys._ + + Non prius salutem scripsit? + + Didn’t he write a word of greeting first? + +_Nic._ + + Nusquam sentio. 1000 + + (_looking_) Not a sign of it. + +_Chrys._ + + Non dabis, si sapies; verum si das maxume, + ne ille alium gerulum quaerat, si sapiet, sibi: + nam ego non laturus sum, si iubeas maxume. + sat sic suspectus sum, cum careo noxia. + + (_indignant_) You won’t do it, if you’re wise; but no matter + how much you do do it, let him look up another porter, if + he’s wise: for I won’t carry it, no matter how much you + order me. I am suspected enough as it is, when I’m perfectly + blameless. + +_Nic._ + + Ausculta porro, dum hoc quod scriptumst perlego. + + Listen, further, while I read through what is written here. + +_Chrys._ + + Inde a principio iam inpudens epistula est. + + That’s an impudent letter, impudent from the very beginning! + +_Nic._ + + “Pudet prodire me ad te in conspectum, pater: + tantum flagitium te scire audivi meum, + quod cum peregrini cubui uxore militis.” + pol haud derides; nam ducentis aureis 1010 + Philippis redemi vitam ex flagitio tuam. + + (_continuing_) “I’m ashamed to come into your sight, father. + I have heard that you know of my wicked intrigue with the + foreign Captain’s wife.” Gad! That is no joke! Two hundred + golden sovereigns it cost me to save your life after that + piece of wickedness! + +_Chrys._ + + Nihil est illorum quin ego illi dixerim. + + There’s nothing of that I didnt say to him, sir. + +_Nic._ + + “Stulte fecisse fateor, sed qaeso, pater, + ne me, in stultitia si deliqui, deseras. + ego animo cupido atque oculis indomitis fui; + persuasumst facere quoius me nunc facti pudet.” + prius te cavisse ergo quam pudere aequom fuit. + + “I admit that I acted foolishly. But for mercy’s sake, + father, don’t desert me, if I have done wrong in my folly. + Wanton desires possessed me, and I couldn’t control my eyes, + I was induced to do what I am now ashamed of doing.” Well, + prudence then, rather than shame now, would have been the + proper thing for you! + +_Chrys._ + + Eadem istaec verba dudum illi dixi omnia. + + Just the very same words I said to him a while ago, sir. + +_Nic._ + + “Quaeso ut sat habeas id, pater, quod Chrysalus + me obiurigavit plurumis verbis malis, 1020 + et me meliorem fecit praeceptis suis, + ut te ei habere gratiam aequom sit bonam.” + + “Do, please, consider it enough, father, that Chrysalus has + scolded me very very harshly and has made me a better man + by his precepts, so that you ought to be deeply grateful to + him.” + +_Chrys._ + + Estne istuc istic scriptum? + + Is that written there? + +_Nic._ + + Em specta, tum scies. + + (_showing him the place_) There! look, then you’ll know. + +_Chrys._ + + Ut qui deliquit supplex est ultro omnibus. + + (_piously_) How the wrongdoer does bend the knee to every + one, of his own accord! + +_Nic._ + + “Nunc si me fas est obsecrare abs te, pater, + da mihi ducentos nummos Philippos, te obsecro.” + + “Now if I have a moral right to beseech you, father, I do + beseech you to give me two hundred pounds.” + +_Chrys._ + + Ne unum quidem hercle, si sapis. + + Not even one, by heaven, if you’re wise! + +_Nic._ + + Sine perlegam. + “ego ius iurandum verbis conceptis dedi, + daturum id me hodie mulieri ante vesperum, + prius quam a me abiret. nunc, pater, ne perierem 1030 + cura atque abduce me hinc ab hac quantum potest, + quam propter tantum damni feci et flagiti. + cave tibi ducenti nummi dividiae fuant; + sescenta tanta reddam, si vivo, tibi. + vale atque haec cura.” quid nunc censes, Chrysale? + + Let me read it through. “I took an oath in express terms to + give the woman this sum before evening comes and she leaves + me. Now, father, do see to it that I don’t forswear myself, + and do rescue me just as soon as you can from this creature + on account of whom I have been so wasteful and wicked. See + you don’t let a matter of two hundred pounds vex you; + I will pay it back to you a thousand times over, if I live. + Good-bye and do look out for this.” What do you recommend + now, Chrysalus? + +_Chrys._ + + Nihil ego tibi hodie consili quicquam dabo, + neque ego haud committam ut, si quid peccatum siet, + fecisse dicas de mea sententia. + verum, ut ego opinor, si ego in istoc sim loco, + dem potius aurum quam illum corrumpi sinam. 1040 + duae condiciones sunt: utram tu accipias vide: + vel ut aurum perdas vel ut amator perieret. + ego neque te iubeo neque veto, neque suadeo. + + (_vehemently_) Never a bit of advice will I give you this + day! I’ll take no chance of your saying, if anything goes + wrong, that you did it at my suggestion. However, in my + opinion, if I was in your place, I should rather give up the + money than let him be debauched. There are two alternatives: + see for yourself which to choose: you must either lose the + money, or let our lover be forsworn. I do not order you, or + forbid you, or urge you, either, not I. + +_Nic._ + + Miseret me illius. + + (_earnestly_) I’m sorry for the lad. + +_Chrys._ + + Tuos est, non mirum facis. + si plus perdundum sit, periisse suaviust, + quam illud flagitium volgo dispalescere. + + Nothing strange in that, your own flesh and blood as he is. + (_casually_) If more must be lost, that’s pleasanter than + having such a piece of wickedness come to be the common talk. + +_Nic._ + + Ne ille edepol Ephesi multo mavellem foret, + dum salvos esset, quam revenisset domum. + quid ego istic? quod perdundumst properem perdere. + binos ducentos Philippos iam intus ecferam. 1050 + et militi quos dudum promisi miser + et istos. mane istic, iam exeo ad te, Chrysale. + + Good Lord! I should certainly much rather have him at + Ephesus, provided he was safe, than back home. (_pauses_) + What am I to do in the matter? (_another pause, then + irritably_) Let me hurry up and lose what has to be lost. + I’ll go in and get four hundred pounds at once--the two + hundred I promised the Captain a while ago, poor wretch that + I am, and this last. Wait where you are: I’ll be with you + again in a moment, Chrysalus. [EXIT INTO HOUSE. + +_Chrys._ + + Fit vasta Troia, scindunt proceres Pergamum. + scivi ego iam dudum fore me exitio Pergamo. + edepol qui me esse dicat cruciatu malo + dignum, ne ego cum illo pignus haud ausim dare; + tantas turbellas facio. sed crepuit foris: + ecfertur praeda ex Troia. taceam nunciam. + + (_hilarious_). Troy is being made a waste; the chieftains + are laying Pergamum low! I knew long ago I’d be the downfall + of Pergamum! By gad, the man that says I deserve to be + punished damnably--I surely wouldn’t dare bet him I don’t. + Oh, the lovely rumpus I’m raising! (_listening_) But the + door creaked: the booty is being carried out from Troy. + Time for me to keep still! + + RE-ENTER _Nicobulus_ WITH TWO BAGS OF GOLD. + +_Nic._ + + Cape hoc tibi aurum, Chrysale. i, fer filio. + ego ad forum autem hinc ibo, ut solvam militi. 1060 + + Take this money, Chrysalus: go, carry it to my son. As for + me, I am going to the forum to settle with the Captain. + +_Chrys._ + + Non equidem accipiam. proin tu quaeras qui ferat. + nolo ego mihi credi. + + (_drawing back_) No indeed, I won’t take it. So you can look + further for some one to carry it. I don’t want it trusted to + me. + +_Nic._ + + Cape vero, odiose facis. + + Come, come, now, take it: you annoy me. + +_Chrys._ + + Non equidem capiam. + + Indeed I won’t take it. + +_Nic._ + + At quaeso. + + But I beg you. + +_Chrys._ + + Dico ut res se habet. + + (_firmly_) I tell you just how I stand. + +_Nic._ + + Morare. + + (_impatiently_) You’re delaying me. + +_Chrys._ + + Nolo, inquam, aurum concredi mihi, + vel da aliquem qui servet me. + + I don’t want money put in my charge, I say. (_pause_) At + least, appoint some one to watch me. + +_Nic._ + + Ohe, odiose facis. + + Pshaw! You annoy me. + +_Chrys._ + + Cedo, si necesse est. + + (_reluctant_) Give it here, if I must. + +_Nic._ + + Cura hoc. iam ego huc revenero. + + (_handing him bag of gold_) Look out for this. I shall be + back here soon. [EXIT TOWARD FORUM. + +_Chrys._ + + Curatum est--esse te senem miserrumum. + hoc est incepta efficere pulcre: bellule + mi evenit, ut ovans praeda onustus incederem; + salute nostra atque urbe capta per dolum 1070 + domum reduco integrum omnem exercitum. + + (_as Nicobulus disappears_) It has been looked out for-- + your being the poorest old wretch alive. Here’s the way + to carry out your attempts in style! Ah, this is beautiful + luck--to be marching along in jubilation, laden with booty. + Safe myself, the city captured by guile. I am leading my + whole army back home intact. + + sed, spectatores, vos nunc ne miremini + quod non triumpho: pervolgatum est, nil moror; + verum tamen accipientur inulso milites. + nunc hanc praedam omnem iam ad quaestorem deferam. + + But, spectators, don’t be surprised now that I don’t have + a triumph: they’re too common: none of them for me. But the + soldiers shall be entertained with wine and honey just the + same. (_turning toward Bacchis’s door_) Now I’ll convey all + this booty to the quartermaster-general at once. + [EXIT INTO HOUSE. + + +IV. 10. + + Scene 10. + + (_Half an hour has elapsed_) + + ENTER _Philoxenus_. + +_Phil._ + + Quam magis in pectore meo foveo quas meus filius turbas turbet, + quam se ad vitam et quos ad mores praecipitem inscitus capessat, + magis curae est magisque adformido, ne is pereat neu corrumpatur. + scio, fui ego illa aetate et feci illa omnia, sed more modesto; + neque placitant mores quibus video volgo in gnatos + esse parentes:[29] 1080 + + The more I ponder over the capers my son is cutting, and + the life and habits the thoughtless lad is plunging headlong + into, the more worried, and the more fearful I get at the + danger of his becoming an irreclaimable rake. I know, I was + young once myself, and did all those things, but I showed + some self-restraint. The attitude I see in the general run + of parents toward their sons doesn’t suit me. + + ego dare me meo gnato institui, + ut animo obsequium sumere possit; (1082) + aequom esse puto, sed nimis nolo desidiae ei dare ludum. + nunc Mnesilochum, quod mandavi, + viso ecquid eum ad virtutem aut ad + frugem opera sua compulerit, sic + ut eum, si convenit, scio fecisse: cost ingenio natus. + + I’ve made a practice of being liberal to my son, so that + he may follow his inclinations; I think it’s the fair way; + at the same time, I don’t want to give too much play to + his dawdling. Now I’m going to see Mnesilochus about that + commission of mine, and find out if he has driven the boy + over to the path of virtue and sobriety by his efforts--as + I know he has, if he found occasion: that is his natural + disposition. (_goes toward Bacchis’s door_) + + + + +ACTVS V + + ACT V + + + ENTER _Nicobulus_ IN A RAGE, WITHOUT SEEING _Philoxenus_. + +_Nic._ + + Quicumque ubi ubi sunt, qui fuerunt quique futuri sunt posthac + stulti, stolidi, fatui, fungi, bardi, blenni, buccones, + solus ego omnis longe antideo + stultitia et moribus indoctis. + perii, pudet: hocine me aetatis + ludos bis factum esse indigne? 1090 + + Of all the silly, stupid, fatuous, fungus-grown, doddering, + drivelling dolts anywhere, past or future, I alone am far + and away ahead of the whole lot of ’em in silliness and + absurd behaviour! Damnation! I’m ashamed! The idea of my + being made a fool of twice at my time of life in this + outrageous fashion! + + magis quam id reputo, tam magis uror + quae meus filius turbavit. + perditus sum atque eradicatus + sum, omnibus exemplis excrucior. + omnia me mala consectantur, + omnibus exitiis interii. + + The more I think it over, the hotter I get at my son’s + devilry! I’m ruined, eradicated, tortured every way! + Every kind of trouble is upon me: I’ve died every kind + of death! + + Chrysalus med hodie laceravit, + Chrysalus me miserum spoliavit: + is me scelus auro usque attondit + dolis doctis indoctum, ut lubitumst. + + I’ve been mangled to-day by Chrysalus, stripped, poor + wretch, by Chrysalus! He has sheared me clean of my gold, + the villain, sheared me to suit his taste by his wily arts, + artless innocent that I am! + + ita miles memorat meretricem esse + eam quam ille uxorem esse aiebat, + omniaque ut quidque actum est memoravit, + eam sibi hunc annum conductam, + relicuom id auri factum quod ego ei + stultissimus homo promisissem: hoc, + hoc est quo cor peracescit: + + The Captain tells me that the woman that rascal said was his + wife is a courtesan, and he’s given me the full history of + the case--how he’d hired her for this year, how the money + I’d promised him, like an utter idiot, was the sum due him + for the months yet to run. This, this, is what galls me; + + hoc est demum quod percrucior, + me hoc aetatis ludificari,[30] (1099) + cano capite atque alba barba + miserum me auro esse emunctum. 1101 + perii, hoc servom meum non nauci facere esse ausum! atque ego, + si alibi + plus perdiderim. minus aegre habeam minusque id mihi damno ducam. + + this is the crowning torment--for me to be gulled at my time + of life, for me, poor fool, with my hoary hairs and white + beard to be cleaned out of my gold! Oh, damnation! My own + servant dares to hold me cheaper than dirt in this fashion! + Yes, yes, if I lost more money some other way, I should mind + it less and regard the loss as less. + +_Phil._ + + Certo hic prope me mihi nescio quis loqui visust; sed quem video? + hic quidemst pater Mnesilochi. + + It surely seemed as if some one was speaking here near me. + (_sees Nicobulus_) But who’s this I see? Mnesilochus’s + father, upon my word! (_approaches_) + +_Nic._ + + Euge, socium aerumnae et mei mali video. + Philoxene, salve. + + (_grimly_) Splendid! I see my partner in toil and woe. Good + day to you, Philoxenus. + +_Phil._ + + Et tu. unde agis? + + And to you. Where are you coming from? + +_Nic._ + + Unde homo miser atque infortunatus. + + Where a wretched, unlucky man should come from. + +_Phil._ + + At pol ego ibi sum, + esse ubi miserum hominem decet atque infortunatum. + + Gad! but I’m on the very spot where a wretched, unlucky man + should be. + +_Nic._ + + Igitur pari fortuna, aetate ut sumus, utimur. + + Then we’re alike in luck as we are in years. + +_Phil._ + + Sic est. sed tu, + quid tibist? + + So it seems. But you--what is your trouble? + +_Nic._ + + Pol mihi par, idem est quod tibi. + + Good Lord! The same as yours. + +_Phil._ + + Numquid nam ad filium haec aegritudo attinet? 1110 + + This dolefulness of yours has something to do with your son, + eh? + +_Nic._ + + Admodum. + + (_morosely_) Rather! + +_Phil._ + + Idem mihi morbus in pectorest. + + The same ailment is worrying me. + +_Nic._ + + At mihi Chrysalus optumus homo + perdidit filium, me atque rem omnem meam. + + Well, but Chrysalus--that pattern of excellence--has ruined + my boy and me and all that’s mine! + +_Phil._ + + Quid tibi ex filio nam, obsecro, aegrest? + + What in the world has your son done to vex you, pray? + +_Nic._ + + Scies: + id, perit cum tuo: ambo aeque amicas habent. + + You shall know: this--he’s going to the dogs along with + yours: the both of them alike have mistresses. + +_Phil._ + + Qui scis? + + How do you know? + +_Nic._ + + Vidi. + + I saw. + +_Phil._ + + Ei mihi, disperii. + + (_with apparent conviction_) Oh dear me! Terrible, + terrible! + +_Nic._ + + Quid dubitamus pultare atque hue evocare ambos foras? + + Why don’t we go straight up and knock; and call them both + out here? + +_Phil._ + + Haud moror. + + (_lukewarm_) I have no objection. + +_Nic._ + + Heus Bacchis, iube sic actutum aperiri fores, + nisi mavoltis fores et postes comminui securibus. + + (_pounding on Bacchis’s door_) Hi! Bacchis! Be so good as to + have the door opened this instant, unless you prefer to have + door and doorposts smashed in with axes! + + +V. 2. + + Scene 2. + +_Bacch._ + + Quis sonitu ac tumultu tanto nominat me atque pultat aedes? 1120 + + (_within_) Who’s raising such a din and uproar, calling me + and beating on the house? + + ENTER THE TWO _Bacchises_ INTO DOORWAY. + +_Nic._ + + Ego atque hic. + + This gentleman and I. + +_Bacch._ + + Quid hoc est negoti nam, amabo? + quis has hue ovis adegit? + + (_to sister after surveying them_) Mercy me, dear, what does + this mean? Who drove these sheep here? + +_Nic._ + + Ovis nos vocant pessumae. + + (_to Philoxenus_) They’re calling us sheep, the sluts! + +_Soror_ + + Pastor harum + dormit, quom haec eunt sic a pecu balitantes. + + Their shepherd must be taking a nap, to let them straggle + off from the flock this way, bleating. + +_Bacch._ + + At pol nitent, haud sordidae videntur ambae. + + My goodness, though! They are sleek! they seem to be quite + spick and span, both of them. + +_Soror_ + + Attonsae hae quidem ambae usque sunt. + + Yes, you see they’ve both been ever so well shorn. + +_Phil._ + + Ut videntur + deridere nos. + + (_to Nicobulus_) Hm! They seem to be making fun of us. + +_Nic._ + + Sine suo usque arbitratu. + + (_sourly_) Let them go as far as they like. + +_Bacch._ + + Rerin ter in anno tu has tonsitari? + + Do you suppose they are generally sheared three times a year? + +_Soror_ + + Pol hodie altera iam bis detonsa certo est. + + Goodness me! that other one (_indicating Nicobulus_) has + been shorn twice this very day for certain. + +_Bacch._ + + Vetulae sunt minae ambae.[31] + + They’re both rather woolless old--(_with a sly glance at her + sister_) customers. + +_Soror_ + + At bonas fuisse credo. + + But they used to be good ones, I do believe. + +_Bacch._ + + Viden limulis, obsecro, ut intuentur? 1130 + + For heaven’s sake, do you see the little sidelong glances + they’re casting at us? + +_Soror_ + + Ecastor sine omni arbitror malitia esse. + + Oh well, I don’t think they mean anything naughty by it. + +_Phil._ + + Merito hoc nobis fit, qui quidem hue venerimus. + + (_to Nicobulus_) This serves us right for coming here! + +_Bacch._ + + Cogantur quidem intro. + + They really ought to be pushed inside. + +_Soror_ + + Haud scio quid eo opus sit, + quae nec lac nec lanam ullam habent. sic sine astent. + exsolvere quanti fuere, omnis fructus + iam illis decidit. non vides, ut palantes solae liberae + grassentur? quin aetate credo esse mutas: + ne balant quidem, quom a pecu cetero absunt. + stultae atque haud malae videntur. + revortamur intro, soror. + + I don’t see any use in that, they haven’t any milk, or wool + either. Let them stand still as they are. They’ve been + worked to their full value; all the fruit has dropped off of + them already. Don’t you see how they straggle along + aimlessly, alone, untended? Why, I do believe they’re dumb + with age; they don’t even bleat at being away from the rest + of the flock. They seem perfectly harmless--just silly. + Let’s go back inside, sister. + +_Nic._ + + Ilico ambae 1140 + manete: haec oves volunt vos. + + Stay where you are, both of you: these sheep want you. + +_Soror_ + + Prodigium hoc quidemst: humana nos voce appellant oves. + + Dear, dear, miraculous! The sheep are addressing us, quite + as if they were human! + +_Nic._ + + Haec oves vobis malam rem magnam, quam debent, dabunt + + These sheep are going to give you all the trouble they owe + you. + +_Bacch._ + + Si quam debes, te condono: tibi habe, numquam abs te petam. + sed quid est quapropter nobis vos malum minitamini? + + If you owe anything, I’ll forgive it you: keep it yourself-- + I’ll never come to you for it. But what’s the reason for + your threatening us with trouble? + +_Phil._ + + Quia nostros agnos conclusos istic esse aiunt duos. + + Because they say our lambs are shut up in there, (_pointing + to house_) two of them. + +_Nic._ + + Et praeter eos agnos meus est istic clam mordax canis: + qui nisi nobis producuntur iam atque emittuntur foras, + arietes truces nos erimus, iam in vos incursabimus. + + And besides those lambs, there’s a dog of mine, a biter, + skulking in there: unless these beasts are produced for us + immediately and let out of doors, we’ll turn into ferocious + rams, and immediately butt you. + +_Bacch._ + + Soror, est quod te volo secreto. + + Sister, I want a word with you in private, (_takes her + aside_) + +_Soror._ + + Eho, amabo. + + (_inquiringly_) Well, well, there’s a dear! + +_Nic._ + + Quo illaec abeunt? + + Where are they off to? + +_Bacch._ + + Senem illum tibi dedo ultenorem, lepide ut lenitum reddas; 1150 + ego ad hunc iratum adgrediar, si possumus nos hos intro inlicere huc. + + I give that further old fellow (_pointing to Philoxenus_) + over to you to get nicely pacified; I’ll make up to this + bear, (_indicating Nicobulus_) and we’ll see if we can’t + lure them inside here. + +_Soror_ + + Meum pensum ego lepide accurabo, quamquam odiost mortem amplexari. + + (_without enthusiasm_) I’ll take care of my stint nicely + enough, even though it is sickening to hug a death’s-head. + +_Bacch._ + + Facito ut facias. + + See you do it. + +_Soror_ + + Taceas. tu tuom facito: ego quod dixi haud mutabo. + + Hush! You do your share, and I won’t fail to keep my word. + +_Nic._ + + Quid illaec illic in consilio duae secreto consultant? + + What are they scheming, those two, in that secret session? + +_Phil._ + + Quid ais tu, homo? + + (_awkwardly_) I say, old fellow. + +_Nic._ + + Quid me vis? + + What do you want? + +_Phil._ + + Pudet dicere me tibi quiddam. + + There’s something I’m ashamed to tell you. + +_Nic._ + + Quid est quod pudeat? + + What is it you are ashamed of? + +_Phil._ + + Sed amico homini tibi quod volo credere certumst. + nihili sum. + + But to a good friend like you--yes, I’m going to own up to + what I want. (_pauses_) I’m an ass. + +_Nic._ + + Istuc iam pridem scio. sed qui nihili es? id memora. + + I have known that for some time. But why are you an ass? + Explain that. + +_Phil._ + + Tactus sum vehementer visco; + cor stimulo foditur. + + (_with a wry smile_) I’m most confoundedly caught in + bird-lime; my heart’s pierced by a goad. + +_Nic._ + + Pol tibi multo aequius est coxendicem. + sed quid istuc est? + etsi iam ego ipsus quid sit probe scire puto me; 1160 + verum audire etiam ex te studeo. + + Jove! much more to the point, if it were your nether + portions! But what do you mean? And yet I think I have a + pretty fair notion myself what it is already; however, I’m + anxious to have it from your own lips. + +_Phil._ + + Viden hanc? + + Do you see this girl? (_pointing to the Sister_) + +_Nic._ + + Video. + + I do. + +_Phil._ + + Haud mala est mulier. + + (_approvingly_) Not a bad one! + +_Nic._ + + Pol vero ista mala et tu nihili. + + (_indignantly_) Good Lord! She certainly is a bad one, and + you are an ass. + +_Phil._ + + Quid multa? ego amo. + + (_not listening_) In short, I’m in love with her. + +_Nic._ + + An amas? + + You in love? + +_Phil._ + + ναὶ γάρ. + + _Bien sur!_ + +_Nic._ + + Tun, homo putide, amator istac fieri aetate audes? + + You, you disgusting creature? You venture to turn lover at + your age? + +_Phil._ + + Qui non? + + Why not? + +_Nic._ + + Quia flagitium est. + + Because it’s infamous. + +_Phil._ + + Quid opust verbis? meo filio non sum iratus, + neque te tuost aequom esse iratum: si amant, sapienter faciunt. + + (_gathering courage rapidly_) Tut, tut! I’m not angry at my + son, and you oughtn’t to be angry at yours: if they’re in + love, they’re acting wisely. + +_Bacch._ + + Sequere hac. + + (_to sister_) Come along. + +_Nic._ + + Eunt eccas tandem + probri perlecebrae et persuastrices, + quid nunc? etiam redditis nobis + filios et servom? an ego experior + tecum vim maiorem? + + Ah, there they come at last, the seductive, persuasive + pests! (_to sisters_) Well now? See here, are you going + to give us back our sons and servant? Or shall I try more + vigorous measures with you? + +_Phil._ + + Abin hinc? + non homo tu quidem es, qui istoc pacto tam lepidam inlepide appelles. + + (_to Nicobulus, protestingly_) Get out, will you? There’s no + red blood in you, addressing a sweet little girl (_leering + at Bacchis_) in that sour fashion. + +_Bacch._ + + Senex optime quantumst in terra, sine me hoc exorare abs te, 1170 + ut istuc delictum desistas tanto opere ire oppugnatum. + + (_to Nicobulus, as she tries to fondle him_) You nicest old + man in all the world, do let me persuade you not to be so + awfully opposed to your son’s naughtiness. + +_Nic._ + + Ni abeas, quamquam tu bella es, + malum tibi magnum dabo iam. + + (_struggling to be very stern_) Unless you get away from + me--no matter if you are pretty--I’ll give you a good sound + slap this minute. + +_Bacch._ + + Patiar, + non metuo, ne quid mihi doleat + quod ferias. + + (_softly, still fondling him_) I’ll take it. I’m not afraid + of your striking me so as to hurt at all. + +_Nic._ + + Ut blandiloquast! + ei mihi, metuo. + + (_aside_) What a coaxer she is! Oh, dear me! I’m afraid! + +_Soror_ + + Hic magis tranquillust. + + (_caressing Philoxenus to his high satisfaction_) This one + is more peaceful. + +_Bacch._ + + I hac mecum intro atque ibi, si quid vis, filium concastigato. + + Do come inside here with me: yes, and punish your son ever + so, in there, if you like. + +_Nic._ + + Abin a me, scelus? + + Get away from me, you hussy! + +_Bacch._ + + Sine, mea pietas, te exorem. + + Let me persuade you, that’s a love! (_tries to draw him + toward house_) + +_Nic._ + + Exores tu me? + + You persuade me? + +_Soror_ + + Ego quidem ab hoc certe exorabo. + + I’ll certainly persuade my man, at any rate. + +_Phil._ + + Immo ego te oro, ut me intro abducas. + + (_returning her embrace with vigour_) No you won’t: I myself + beg you to take me inside. + +_Soror_ + + Lepidum te. + + Oh, you delightful man! + +_Phil._ + + At scin quo pacto me ad te intro abducas? + + But do you know on what condition you can take me inside. + +_Soror_ + + Mecum ut sis. + + Yes, your being with me. + +_Phil._ + + Omnia quae cupio commemoras. + + The sum total of my desires! + +_Nic._ + + Vidi ego nequam homines, verum te + neminem deteriorem. + + (_pulling himself together_) I have seen worthless men, but + never a worse one than you. + +_Phil._ + + Ita sum. 1180 + + (_cheerfully_) So I am. + +_Bacch._ + + I hac mecum intro, + ubi tibi sit lepide victibus, vino atque unguentis. + + (_to Nicobulus_) Do come along inside with me: you’ll have a + lovely time--things to eat, and wine and perfumes. + +_Nic._ + + Satis, satis iam vostrist convivi: + me nil paenitet ut sim acceptus: + quadringentis Philippis filius me et + Chrysalus circumduxerunt. + quem quidem ego ut non excruciem, + alterum tantum auri non meream. + + Enough, enough of your banqueting already--it makes no + difference to me how I’m entertained! Four hundred pounds + I’ve been tricked out of by my son and Chrysalus. And + I wouldn’t forgo making that slave bleed for it, not for + another four hundred. + +_Bacch._ + + Quid tandem, si dimidium auri + redditur, in hac mecum intro? atque ut + eis delicta ignoscas. + + Well, but supposing half of it is given back, won’t you come + in with me, then? Yes, and pardon their offences? + +_Phil._ + + Faciet. + + He’ll do it. + +_Nic._ + + Minime, nolo. nil moror, sine sic. + malo illos ulcisci ambo. + + (_with all his remaining resolution_) Not a bit of it. + I don’t want to. None of this for me: leave me alone. + I prefer to take vengeance on that pair. + +_Phil._ + + Etiam tu homo nihili? quod di dant boni cave culpa tua amissis + dimidium auri datur. accipias, potesque et scortum aecumbas. + + (_aside to Nicobulus_) See here, you--ass! Look out you + don’t lose the blessings the gods give you, and have + yourself to blame for it. Here’s half the money given you: + take it, and drink and have a good time with the wench. + +_Nic._ + + Egon ubi filius corrumpatur meus, ibi potem? + + (_very feebly_) I drink in the house where my son is being + debauched? + +_Phil._ + + Potandumst. 1190 + + (_clapping him on the shoulder_) Drink you must. + +_Nic._ + + Age iam, id ut ut est, + etsi est dedecori patiar, facere inducam animum + egon, cum haec cum illo accubet, inspectem? + + (_giving way temporarily_) Come on then, no matter what + it is, disgraceful though it be, I’ll stand it, I’ll bring + myself to it. (_after a pause, doubtfully_) Am I to look + on while she’s on the couch beside him? + +_Bacch._ + + Immo equidem pol tecum accumbam, + te amabo et te amplexabor. + + Goodness me, no indeed! I’ll be on the couch beside you, + loving you and hugging you. (_snuggles up to him_) + +_Nic._ + + Caput prurit, perii, vix negito. + + (_aside_) My head does itch! Dear, dear, dear! It is hard to + keep on saying no! + +_Bacch._ + + Non tibi venit in mentem, amabo, + si dum vivas tibi bene facias + tam pol id quidem esse haud perlonginquom, + neque, si hoc hodie amissis, post in + morte eventurum esse umquam? + + My dear man, doesn’t it occur to you that, supposing you do + enjoy yourself all your life, this life is very, very short, + after all,--good gracious, yes!--and that if you let this + chance slip, it won’t come again when you’re dead, ever? + +_Nic._ + + Quid ago? + + (_nearly helpless_) What am I to do? + +_Phil._ + + Quid agas? rogitas etiam? + + To do? The idea of asking that! + +_Nic._ + + Libet et metuo. + + I long to, and--I’m afraid. + +_Bacch._ + + Quid metuis? + + Afraid of what? + +_Nic._ + + Ne obnoxius filio sim et servo. + + Of humbling myself before my son and servant. + +_Bacch._ + + Mel meum, amabo, etsi haec fiunt, + tuost: unde illum sumere censes, nisi quod tute illi dederis? + hanc veniam illis sine te exorem. + + Oh, honey, there’s a dear, now! Even if it’s all so, he’s + your own boy: where do you think he’s to get money, except + from your own generous self? Do let me persuade you to + forgive them. + +_Nic._ + + Ut terebrat! satin offirmatum + quod mihi erat, id me exorat? 1200 + tua sum opera et propter te improbior. + + (_half aside_) How she does drill through a man! Is she + actually persuading me against my fixed intention? (_giving + up the struggle and yielding to Bacchis’s caresses_) I’m a + reprobate now, and all because of you and your efforts. + +_Bacch._ + + Ne tis[32] quam mea mavellem. + satin ego istuc habeo firmatum? + + (_softly and tenderly_) Oh, I do wish it had been your + efforts rather than (_giving her sister a dreary smile_) + mine. So I’m actually to take that as your fixed intention? + +_Nic._ + + Quod semel dixi haud mutabo + + What I have once said I won’t change. + +_Bacch._ + + It dies, ite intro accubitum, + filii vos exspectant intus. + + The day is going: go inside and take your places on the + couches. Your sons are within waiting for you. + +_Nic._ + + Quam quidem actutum emoriamur. + + (_dryly_) Yes, waiting for us to breathe our last with + celerity. + +_Soror_ + + Vesper hic est, sequimini. + + It’s evening: come along. + +_Nic._ + + Ducite nos quo lubet tamquam quidem addictos. + + Take us where you please, just as if we were your veritable + bond servants. + +_Bacch._ + + Lepide ipsi hi sunt capti, suis qui filiis fecere insidias. + + (_aside to spectators_) Here they are, prettily caught + themselves--after laying traps for their sons. + [EXEUNT OMNES INTO HOUSE OF _Bacchis_. + + + + +GREX + + EPILOGUE + + SPOKEN BY THE COMPANY. + + Hi senes nisi fuissent nihili iam inde ab adulescentia, + non hodie hoc tantum flagitium facerent canis capitibus; + neque adeo haec faceremus, ni antehac vidissemus fieri, + ut apud lenones rivales filiis fierent patres. 1210 + spectatores, vos valere volumus et clare adplaudere. + + Unless these old men had been worthless from their very + youth, they would not be guilty of such an enormity as this + to-day when their heads are hoary; nor, indeed, would we + have presented such a comedy, unless we had seen before now + how fathers become their sons’ rivals at places of unsavoury + repute. Spectators, we wish you health and--your loud + applause. + + * * * * * + + [Footnote 1: Leo notes lacuna here: _aedis_ Ritschl.] + + [Footnote 2: Leo notes lacuna here: _fide_ Leo.] + + [Footnote 3: Corrupt (Leo): _perii_ MSS: _prope_ Ritschl.] + + [Footnote 4: Leo brackets following v., 67: + _ubi pro disco damnum capiam, pro cursura dedecus?_] + + [Footnote 5: Leo brackets following v., 69: + _ubique imponat in manum alius mihi pro cestu cantharum._] + + [Footnote 6: Leo brackets following v., 107: + _simul huic nescio cui, turbare qui huc it, decedamus._] + + [Footnote 7: Leo brackets following v., 150: + _video nimio iam multo plus quam volueram._ ] + + [Footnote 8: Leo brackets following v., 153, 154: + _nil moror discipulos mihi iam plenos sanguinis._ + _valens afflictat me vacivom virium._] + + [I have no liking for these full-blooded pupils: the + sturdy youngster is bullying me, destitute of strength as + I am.] + + [Footnote 9: Leo brackets following v., 166, 167: + _edepol fecisti furtum in aetatum malum_ + _cum istaec flagitia me celavisti et patrem._] + + [Good heavens! Such villainy in a lad of your age, + concealing such atrocities from me and from your father!] + + [Footnote 10: _Tardare_ Hauptius: _turbare_ MSS.] + + [Footnote 11: Leo brackets following v., 377-378: + _quibus patrem et me teque amicosque omnes affectas tuos_ + _ad probrum, damnum, flagitium appellere una et perdere._] + + [You are doing your best by such conduct to bring + ignominy, loss, disgrace, upon every one of us, your + father and me and yourself and all your friends, and + ruin us.] + + [Footnote 12: Leo brackets following v., 382: + _nunc prius quam malum istoc addis, certumst iam dicam patri_] + + [Footnote 13: _sed eccum video incedere_ follows in MSS: + Leo brackets.] + + [Footnote 14: Leo brackets following v., 446: + _it magister quasi lucerna uncto expretus linteo._] + + [Footnote 15: _Pistocleri_ follows in MSS: Leo brackets.] + + [Footnote 16: Leo brackets following v., 465, 466: + _nam illum meum malum promptare malim quam peculium._ + Phil. + _Quidem?_ + Lydus + _Quia, malum si promptet, in dies faciat minus._ ] + + [Yes, yes, I should rather have him administer my + punishment than my money. + _Phil._ + Why so? + _Lydus_ + Because if he administered my punishment, there would + soon be none left.] + + [Footnote 17: Leo brackets following v., 486-488: + _quid opust verbis? si opperiri vellem paulisper modo,_ + _ut opinor, illius inspectandi mi esset maior copia,_ + _plus viderem quam deceret, quam me atque illo aequom foret._] + + [Why say more? If I had wished to remain but a little + longer, I should have had further opportunity to observe + his conduct, I suppose, and I should have seen more than + was proper, more than became me and him.] + + [Footnote 18: Leo brackets the following v., 519a-519c: + _sed autem quam illa umquam meis opulentiis_ + _ramenta fiat gravior aut propensior,_ + _mori me malim excruciatum inopia._] + + [However, rather than have my money make her a fraction + the weightier or heavier, I’d prefer to perish in the + pangs of want.] + + [Footnote 19: Corrupt (Leo): _tute (etiam)_ Seyffert: + _tute (eam)_ Lindsay.] + + [Footnote 20: Leo notes lacuna here: + _Quae te (male) mala_ Lindsay.] + + [Footnote 21: Corrupt (Leo). + _At quidem hercle est ad perdundum magis quam ad scribundum cita_ + Camerarius: various readings MSS.] + + [Footnote 22: Leo notes lacuna here: _tu (scelus)_ Ritschl.] + + [Footnote 23: Corrupt (Leo): _Latona Spes_ MSS: + _Luna Spes_ Bergk: _Lato Spes_ Ussing.] + + [Footnote 24: Leo brackets the following v., 931: + _cepi expugnavi amanti erili filio aurum ab suo patre._] + + [Footnote 25: Leo brackets the following v., 937-940: + _Epiust Pistoclerus: ab eo haec sumptae; Mnesilochus Sino est_ + _relictus, ellum non in busto Achilli, sed in lecto accubat;_ + _Bacchidem habet secum: ille olim habuit ignem qui signum daret,_ + _hunc ipsum exurit; ego sum Vlixes, cuius consilio haec gerunt._] + + [Our Epius is Pistoclerus: from his hands were they taken. + Mnesilochus is Sinon the abandoned. Behold him! not lying + at Achilles’ tomb, but on a couch, he has a Bacchis with + him, that one of old had a fire, to give the signal,--but + this Sinon is burning himself. I am Ulysses whose counsel + directs it all.] + + [Footnote 26: Leo brackets the following v., 962-965: + _ibi vix me exsolvi: id periclum adsimilo, Vlixem ut praedicant_ + _cognitum ab Helena esse proditum Hecubae, sed ut olim ille se_ + _blanditiis exemit et persuasit se ut amitteret,_ + _item ego dolis me illo extuli e periclo et decepi senem_] + + [Then it was I just managed to get free: this danger I + liken to that they tell of when Ulysses was recognized by + Helen and betrayed to Hecuba. But as he, in former days, + got away by means of his honeyed words and persuaded her + to let him go, so also I, by means of my wiles, got out of + danger and deceived the old man.] + + [Footnote 27: Leo brackets the following v., 973-977: + _sed Priamus hic multo illi praestat: non quinquaginta modo,_ + _quadringentos filios habet + atque equidem omnis lectos sine probro:_ + _eos ego hodie omnis contruncabo duobus solis ictibus._ + _nunc Priamo nostro si est quis emptor, comptionalem senem_ + _vendam ego, venalem quem habeo, + extemplo ubi oppidum ex pugnavero._] + + [But this Priam is far superior to that one, not a mere + fifty sons has he; he has four hundred, yes, and every one + is unquestionably a choice and flawless specimen. This day + I will annihilate ’em all with just two blows. Now, if + there is anyone who cares to buy our Priam, I will sell + off the old gentleman I have on sale, as a job lot, the + moment I have taken the town by storm.] + + [Footnote 28: _ut quod iubeo facias_ follows in MSS: Leo brackets.] + + [Footnote 29: Leo brackets the following v., 1081: + _duxi, habui scortum. potavi, dedi, donavi, sed enim id raro._] + + [Footnote 30: Leo brackets the following v., 1100: + _immo edepol sic ludos factum_] + + [Footnote 31: _Minae ambae_ Colerus: _thimiame_ MSS.] + + [Footnote 32: _tis_ Schroeder: _is_ MSS.] + + * * * * * + +[Transcriber’s Corrections: _Bacchides_ (_The Two Bacchises_) + + I. 2. + EXEUNT INTO THE HOUSE OF _Bacchis_ + text reads THE HOUSE OF _Bacchus_ + + III. 5. l. 553 + _Mnes._ Benevolens vivit tibi. + speaker not named in Latin text + + IV. 4. l. 640 + _Chrys._ Hunc hominem... + text reads _Cyhrs._ + + IV. 9. l. 1065 + _Nic._ Ohe, odiose facis. + speaker not named in Latin text + + V. 1. l. 1112 + _Nic._ At mihi Chrysalus optumus homo... + text reads _At mhi..._ + + V. 2. + waiting for us to breathe our last with celerity + text reads _with clerity_ ] + + * * * * * + * * * * + * * * * * + + +CAPTIVI + + THE CAPTIVES + + + * * * * * + +ARGVMENTVM + + ARGUMENT OF THE PLAY + + *C*aptust in pugna Hegionis filius; + *A*lium quadrimum fugiens servus vendidit. + *P*ater captivos commercatur Aleos, + *T*antum studens ut natum captum recuperet; + *E*t inibi emit olim amissum filium. + *I*s suo cum domino veste versa ac nomine + *V*t amittatur fecit: ipsus plectitur; + *E*t is reduxit captum, et fugitivum simul, + *I*ndicio cuius alium agnoscit filium. + + One of Hegio’s sons has been taken prisoner in a battle with + the Eleans; the other was stolen by a runaway slave and sold + when he was four years old. The father, in his great anxiety + to recover the captured boy, bought up Elean prisoners of + war; and among those that he purchased was the son he had + lost many years before. This son, having exchanged clothes + and names with his Elean master, secured the latter’s + release, taking the consequences himself. This master of his + returned, bringing Hegio’s captive son, and along with him + that runaway slave, whose disclosures led to the recognition + of the other son. + + + + +PERSONAE + + DRAMATIS PERSONAE + + ERGASILVS PARASITUS + HEGIO SENEX + LORARIVS + PHILOCRATES ADULESCENS + TYNDARVS SERVUS + ARISTOPHONTES ADULESCENS + PVER + PHILOPOLEMVS ADULESCENS + STALAGMVS SERVUS + + ERGASILUS, _a parasite._ + HEGIO, _an old gentleman._ + SLAVE OVERSEER, _belonging to Hegio._ + PHILOCRATES, _a young Elean captive._ + TYNDARUS, _his slave, captured with him._ + ARISTOPHONTES, _a young Elean captive._ + A PAGE, _in the service of Hegio._ + PHILOPOLEMUS, _Hegio’s son._ + STALAGMUS, _Hegio’s slave._ + + + + + _Scene:--A city in Aetolia. A street on which stands Hegio’s + house._ + + +PROLOGVS + + PROLOGUE + + _Tyndarus_ AND _Philocrates_ ARE CHAINED, IN AN + UNCOMFORTABLE POSITION, TO A PILLAR IN FRONT OF + _Hegio’s_ HOUSE + + Hos quos videtis stare his captives duos, + illi qui astant,[1] hi stant ambo, non sedent; + hoc vos mihi testes estis me verum loqui. + senex qui his habitat Hegio est huius pater. + + These two prisoners you see standing here, well, both of + those bystanders are men who are--standing, not sitting + down. (_Prologue laughs uproariously at his pleasantry_) + I leave it to you if so much is not true. The old man that + lives yonder--(_pointing to Hegio’s house_) Hegio, by name-- + is this man’s (_pointing to Tyndarus_) father. + + sed is quo pacto serviat suo sibi patri, + id ego hic apud vos proloquar, si operam datis. + seni huic fuerunt filii nati duo; + alterum quadrimum puerum servos surpuit + eumque hinc profugiens vendidit in Alide + patri huius. iam hoc tenetis?[2] optume est. 10 + + But how it happens that he is the slave of his own father + I shall (_jauntily_) here in your midst proclaim, with your + kind attention. This old gentleman had two sons. One of + them, when he was four years old, was stolen by a slave who + took to his heels and sold the boy in Elis to the father of + this worthy (_pointing to Philocrates_) here. Now you take + me? Very good! + + negat hercle ille ultimus. accedito. + si non ubi sedeas locus est, est ubi ambules, + quando histrionem cogis mendicarier. + ego me tua causa, ne erres, non rupturus sum. + vos qui potestis ope vestra censerier, + accipite relicuom: alieno uti nil moror. + + Bless my soul! That gentleman at the back says he does not. + Let him step this way--. (_no move in audience_) In case + there is no opportunity to take a seat, sir, you can take a + (_pointing to an exit_) stroll, seeing you insist on making + an actor turn beggar. I have no intention of bursting + myself, merely to keep you from misunderstanding the plot. + (_to rest of audience_) As for you gentlemen who do own + enough property to pay taxes on, let me discharge my debt-- + none of the credit system for me. + + fugitivos ille, ut dixeram ante, huius patri + domo quem profugiens dominum abstulerat vendidit. + is postquam hunc emit, dedit eum huic gnato suo + peculiarem, quia quasi una aetas erat. 20 + hic nunc domi servit suo patri, nec scit pater; + enim vero di nos quasi pilas homines habent. + + That runaway slave, as I said before, stole his young + master when he decamped and sold him to this (_indicating + Philocrates_) man’s father. This gentleman, on buying the + boy, gave him to this son of his for his very own, the two + being of about the same age. Now here he is, back home, his + own father’s slave without his father knowing it. Ah yes, + the gods use us mortals as footballs! + + rationem habetis, quo modo unum amiserit. + postquam belligerant Aetoli cum Aleis, + ut fit in bello, capitur alter filius: + medicus Menarchus emit ibidem in Alide. + coepit captivos commercari hic Aleos, + si quem reperire possit qui mutet suom, + illum captivom: hunc suom esse nescit, qui domist. + + Well, you comprehend the way in which he lost one son. + Later, when war broke out between the Aetolians and Eleans, + the other son was taken prisoner--a common occurrence in + times of war--and a doctor, Menarchus, in that same Elis, + bought the young man. Hegio then began to buy up Elean + captives, hoping to get hold of one that he could exchange + for his son--the captive son, that is: for he has no idea + that this man at his home is his own child. + + et quoniam heri indaudivit, de summo loco 30 + summoque genere captum esse equitem Aleum, + nil pretio parsit, filio dum parceret: + reconciliare ut facilius posset domum, + emit hosce e praeda ambos de quaestoribus. + + And inasmuch as he heard it rumoured yesterday that an Elean + knight of the very highest rank and family connections had + been captured, he had no thought of saving money if only he + could save his son. So in the hope of getting that son back + home more readily he bought both of these prisoners from the + commissioners who were disposing of the spoils. + + hisce autem inter sese hunc confinxerunt dolum. + quo pacto hic servos suom erum hinc amittat domum. + itaque inter se commutant vestem et nomina; + illic vocatur Philocrates, hic Tyndarus: + huius illic, hic illius hodie fert imaginem. + + These same prisoners, however, have got together and laid + a scheme, as you can see, to the end that the slave here + (_indicating Tyndarus_) may send his master off home. + Accordingly, they have exchanged clothes and names with each + other. That one (_indicating Tyndarus_) is calling himself + Philocrates, and this one (_indicating Philocrates_) + Tyndarus: each is posing as the other for the time being. + + et hic hodie expediet hanc docte fallaciam, 40 + et suom erum faciet libertatis compotem, + eodemque pacto fratrem servabit suom + reducemque faciet liberum in patriam ad patrem, + imprudens: itidem ut saepe iam in multis locis + plus insciens quis fecit quam prudens boni. + + And Tyndarus here is going to work out this trick to-day + like an artist, and set his master at liberty. By so + doing he will rescue his own brother, too, and enable + him to return home to his father a free man, all quite + unwittingly,--as in so many cases before now a man has + often done more good unconsciously than wittingly. + + sed inscientes sua sibi fallacia + ita compararunt et confinxerunt dolum + itaque hi commenti, de sua sententia + ut in servitute hic ad suom maneat patrem: + ita nunc ignorans suo sibi servit patri; 50 + homunculi quanti sunt, quom recogito! + haec res agetur nobis, vobis fabula. + + But all unconsciously, in their trickery, they have so + planned and contrived and schemed, acting upon their own + ideas, that Tyndarus will stay here as his own father’s + slave. So now it is his father he is serving unawares. What + helpless creatures we mortals be, when I stop to reflect! + All this will be fact on the boards, fiction for the + benches. + + sed etiam est, paucis vos quod monitos voluerim. + profecto expediet fabulae huic operam dare. + non pertractate facta est neque item ut ceterae: + neque spurcidici insunt versus, immemorabiles; + hic neque periurus leno est nec meretrix mala + neque miles gloriosus; ne vereamini, + quia bellum Aetolis esse dixi cum Aleis: + foris illic extra scaenam fient proelia. 60 + + About one thing more, though, I should like to offer a word + or two of suggestion. It will undeniably be to your profit + to pay attention to this play. It is not composed in the + hackneyed style, is quite unlike other plays; nor does it + contain filthy lines that one must not repeat. In this + comedy you will meet no perjured pimp, or unprincipled + courtesan, or braggart captain. Let not my statement that + the Aetolians and Eleans are at war alarm you: engagements + will take place off the stage yonder. + + nam hoc paene iniquomst, comico choragio + conari desubito agere nos tragoediam. + proin si quis pugnam expectat, litis contrahat: + valentiorem nactus adversarium + si erit, ego faciam ut pugnam inspectet non bonam, + adeo ut spectare postea omnis oderit. + + It would almost amount to imposition, you know, for us, + in our comedy get-up, to try to present a tragedy all of a + sudden. So if anyone is looking for a battle scene, let him + pick a quarrel: if he gets a good strong opponent, I promise + him a glimpse of a battle scene so unpleasant that hereafter + he will hate the very sight of one. + + abeo. valete, iudices iustissimi + domi duellique duellatores optumi. + + (_turning to go_) And so good-bye to you, most just of + judges here at home and doughtiest of fighters in the field. + [EXEUNT _Prologue_ AND _Captives_. + + + + +ACTVS I + + ACT I + + + ENTER _Ergasilus_ LOOKING HUNGRY AND FORLORN. + +_Erg._ + + Iuventus nomen indidit Scorto mihi, + eo quia invocatus soleo esse in convivio. 70 + scio absurde dictum hoc derisores dicere, + at ego aio recte. nam scortum in convivio + sibi amator, talos quom iacit, scortum invocat. + + The young fellows have dubbed me Missy, on the ground that + whenever they’re at their banquets I feel called upon to be + with ’em. To be sure, the professional wags say it is an + absurd nickname, but I protest it’s a good one. For at + banquets when the young sparks are playing dice they call + upon their missies, yes, their missies, to be with ’em as + they make a throw. + + estne invocatum an non est? est planissume; + verum hercle vero nos parasiti planius, + quos numquam quisquam neque vocat neque invocat. + quasi mures semper edimus alienum cibum; + ubi res prolatae sunt, quom rus homines eunt, + simul prolatae res sunt nostris dentibus. + + Does missy feel called upon to be with ’em, or not? Most + unmistakably. But by heaven, I tell you we parasites feel + the call more unmistakably still, for no one else ever + feels for us or calls us, either. Like mice, we’re forever + nibbling at some one else’s food. When the holidays come, + and men hie ’em to their country estates, our grinders take + a holiday, too. + + quasi, cum caletur, cocleae in occulto latent, 80 + suo sibi suco vivont, ros si non cadit, + item parasiti rebus prolatis latent + in occulto miseri victitant suco suo, + dum ruri rurant homines quos ligurriant. + + It’s the same as snails hiding in their holes during the + dog days and living on their own juices when there’s no dew + falling: that’s the way with parasites during the holidays-- + hide in their holes, poor devils, and subsist on their own + juices while the people they could get pickings from are in + the rural regions ruralizing. + + prolatis rebus parasiti venatici + sumus, quando res redierunt, molossici + odiosicique et multum incommodestici. + et hic quidem hercle, nisi qui colaphos perpeti + potest parasitus frangique aulas in caput, + [3]ire extra portam Trigeminam ad saccum licet. 90 + quod mihi ne eveniat, non nullum periculum est. + + So long as the holidays last we parasites are greyhounds: + when they’re over we are wolf-hounds and dear-hounds and + bore- hounds, very much so. And, by gad, in this town, at + least, if a parasite objects to being banged about and + having crockery smashed on his cranium, he can betake + himself to the far side of Three Arch Gate and a porter’s + bag. (_ruefully_) Which is precious likely to be my own + fate. + + nam postquam meus rex est potitus hostium-- + ita nunc belligerant Aetoli cum Aleis; + nam Aetolia haec est, illic est captus in Alide, + Philopolemus, huius Hegionis filius + senis, qui hie habitat, quae aedes lamentariae + mihi sunt, quas quotienscumque conspicio fleo; + + For after my patron fell in with the enemy--the Aetolians, + you see, are at war now with the Eleans; this is Aetolia, + you understand, and it’s there in Elis that Philopolemus + is a captive, Philopolemus being the son of Hegio here, the + old gentleman that lives in (_pointing_) that house (and a + lamentatious house it is! every time I look at it, it makes + me weep!) + + nunc hic occepit quaestum hunc fili gratia + inhonestum et maxime alienum ingenio suo: + homines captives commercatur, si queat 100 + aliquem invenire, suom qui mutet filium. + quod quidem ego nimis quam cupio[4] ut impetret: + nam ni illum recipit, nihil est quo me recipiam. + + --well, now Hegio has taken up his present business, all for + his son’s sake, ungentlemanly business as it is, and quite + beneath a man of his type. He’s buying up prisoners of war, + to see if he can’t come across one to exchange for his boy. + And Lord! how I do yearn for him to succeed! You see, it’s + a matter of his coming home, or my going hungry. + + nam nulla est spes iuventutis, sese omnis amant; + ille demum antiquis est adulescens moribus, + cuius numquam voltum tranquillavi gratiis. + condigne pater est eius moratus moribus. + nunc ad eum pergam. sed aperitur ostium, + unde saturitate saepe ego exii ebrius. + + For our young fellows are absolutely unpromising--egoists, + the whole lot of ’em! But he is a young gentleman of the old + school, that lad: I never smoothed the wrinkles out of his + brow without getting more than a thankye for it. His father + is just such another perfect gentleman. Now for a call on + him. (_moves toward Hegio’s house_) But there goes his door, + out of which I’ve often come so full of food I was fairly + tipsy. (_withdraws_) + + +I. 2. + + Scene 2. + + ENTER _Hegio_ WITH _Slave Overseer_. + +_Hegio_ + + Advorte animum sis tu: istos captives duos, 110 + heri quos emi de praeda a quaestoribus, + eis indito catenas singularias + istas, maiores, quibus sunt iuncti, demito; + + Attention, please, my man. Those two captives that I bought + yesterday from the commissioners in charge of the spoils-- + put the light irons on them and take off the heavy ones + they’re coupled with. + + sinito ambulare, si foris si intus volent, + sed uti adserventur magna diligentia. + liber captivos avis ferae consimilis est: + semel fugiendi si data est occasio, + satis est, numquam postilla possis prendere. + + Let them walk out here or inside, whichever they please; + but look after them sharp, mind you. A captive free is a + regular wild bird: once given a chance to flit, that is + enough--you can never get hold of him again. + +_Lor._ + _Over._ + + Omnes profecto liberi lubentius + sumus quam servimus. + + Well, of course sir, we’d all rather be free than slaves. + +_Hegio._ + + Non videre ita tu quidem. 120 + + That seems untrue of you at any rate.[A] + + [Footnote A: Implying that he had not tried to save money + to buy his liberty.] + +_Lor._ + _Over._ + + Si non est quod dem, mene vis dem ipse--in pedes? + + In case I haven’t anything else to give you, how about my + giving you--the slip? + +_Hegio_ + + Si dederis, erit extemplo mihi quod dem tibi. + + Give me that, and I shall shortly have something to give + you. + +_Lor._ + _Over._ + + Avis me ferae consimilem faciam, ut praedicas. + + I’ll copy that wild bird you speak of. + +_Hegio_ + + Ita ut dicis: nam si faxis, te in caveam dabo. + sed satis verborumst. cura quae iussi atque abi. + ego ibo ad fratrem ad alios captives meos, + visam ne nocte hac quippiam turbaverint. + inde me continuo recipiam rursum domum. + + Exactly--for then I’ll cage you. But enough of this. Mind my + orders and be off with you. I’ll drop in at my brother’s for + a look at my other prisoners, and see if they made any + disturbance last night. Then I’ll return home again at once. + [EXIT _Overseer_ INTO HOUSE. + +_Erg._ + + Aegre est mi, hunc facere quaestum carcerarium + propter sui gnati miseriam miserum senem. 130 + sed si ullo pacto ille huc conciliari potest, + vel carnificinam hunc facere possum perpeti. + + (_with a loud sigh_) It does grieve me to see the poor old + gentleman at this gaoler’s job for his poor son’s sake. (_in + lower tone_) However, if he only manages to get the lad back + here somehow, let him turn hangman, too,--I can stand it. + +_Hegio_ + + Quis hic loquitur? + + (_looking round_) Who is that speaking here? + +_Erg._ + + Ego, qui tuo maerore maceror, + macesco, consenesco et tabesco miser; + ossa atque pellis sum miser a macritudine; + neque umquam quicquam me iuvat quod edo domi: + foris aliquantillum etiam quod gusto, id beat. + + (_stepping forward_) I--a man that am all worn out by your + woe, that am getting thin, growing old, pining away in + sorrow; I’m nothing but skin and bones, I feel for you so. + Nothing I eat--at home--ever does me any good, (_aside_) + But how I do relish the merest morsel when I’m dining out! + +_Hegio_ + + Ergasile, salve. + + Ah, good day, Ergasilus. + +_Erg._ + + Di te bene ament, Hegio. + + God bless you, Hegio, bless you bounteously! (_grasps + Hegio’s hand fervently and bursts into tears_) + +_Hegio_ + + Ne fle. + + Don’t cry. + +_Erg._ + + Egone illum non fleam? egon non defleam + talem adulescentem? + + I not cry for him? I not cry my eyes out for such a youth? + +_Hegio_ + + Semper sensi, filio 140 + meo te esse amicum, et illum intellexi tibi. + + (_somewhat moved_) I always did feel that you were a friend + to my son, and I realized that he regarded you as one. + +_Erg._ + + Tum denique homines nostra intellegimus bona, + quom quae in potestate habuimus, ea amisimus. + ego, postquam gnatus tuos potitust hostium, + expertus quanti fuerit nunc desidero. + + Ah, we mortals realize the value of our blessings only when + we have lost them. Myself now--after your son fell in with + the enemy, I have come to understand how much he meant to + me, and now I long for him. + +_Hegio_ + + Alienus cum eius incommodum tam aegre feras, + quid me patrem par facerest, cui ille est unicus? + + When an outsider like you takes his misfortune so bitterly, + how must I feel, his father, and he my only son? + +_Erg._ + + Alienus ego? alienus illi? aha, Hegio, + numquam istuc dixis neque animum induxis tuom; + tibi ille unicust, mi etiam unico magis unicus. 150 + + (_choking_) An outsider? I? An outsider to that boy? Oh-h-h, + Hegio! don’t say a thing like that, don’t let such a thought + enter your mind, ever! Your only son, yes,--but he was even + more than that to me: he was my only only! (_sobs violently_) + +_Hegio_ + + Laudo, malum cum amici tuom ducis malum, + nunc habe bonum animum. + + I appreciate this, that you consider your friend’s disaster + your own. (_patting him on the back_) Come now, take heart. + +_Erg._ + + Eheu, huic illud dolet, + quia nunc remissus est edendi exercitus. + + Oh, dear! oh, dear! here’s (_rubbing his stomach_) where it + hurts: my whole commissary department has been disbanded + now, you see. + +_Hegio_ + + Nullumne interea nactu’s, qui posset tibi + remissum quem dixti imperare exercitum? + + (_smiling_) And meantime haven’t you hit upon anyone that + could reorganize the department you say is disbanded? + +_Erg._ + + Quid credis? fugitant omnes hanc provinciam, + quoi optigerat postquam captust Philopolemus tuos. + + Would you believe it? Every one keeps fighting shy of the + office ever since your Philopolemus, its duly elected + occupant, was captured. + +_Hegio_ + + Non pol mirandum est fugitare hanc provinciam, + multis et multigeneribus opus est tibi + militibus: primumdum opus est Pistorensibus: 160 + eorum sunt aliquot genera Pistorensium: + opus Paniceis est, opus Placentinis quoque; + opus Turdetanis, opust Ficedulensibus; + iam maritumi omnes milites opus sunt tibi. + + Bless my soul! no wonder they fight shy of it. You need many + recruits, of many sorts, too: why, in the first place you + need Pad-u-ans;[B] and there are several kinds of Paduans: + you need the support of Bologna, and you need Frankfurters + too; you need Leghorners and you need Pis-ans, and + furthermore you need every fighter in fin land. + + [Footnote B: Here, as in the lines 880-883, the translator + craves pardon for distorting the ages and spoiling the + climes in his efforts to secure something of the effect + of the original puns.] + +_Erg_ + + Ut saepe summa ingenia in occulto latent; + hic qualis imperator nunc privatus est. + + (_appreciatively_) How often it does happen that the + greatest talents are shrouded in obscurity! This man now-- + what a generalissimo, and here he is only a private citizen! + +_Hegio_ + + Habe modo bonum animum, nam illum confido domum + in his diebus me reconciliassere. + nam eccum hic captivom adulescentem intus Aleum, + prognatum genere summo et summis ditiis: 170 + hoc illum me mutare confido pote. + + Well, well, now, take heart. As a matter of fact, I trust we + shall have the boy back with us in a few days. For, look you + (_pointing to house_) I have a young Elean prisoner inside + here--splendid family, quantities of money: I count on being + able to exchange him for my son. + +_Erg_ + + Ita di deaeque faxint. sed num quo foras + vocatus es ad cenam? + + (_heartily_) The gods and goddesses be with you! I say, + though,--you haven’t been invited out to dinner anywhere? + +_Hegio_ + + Nusquam quod sciam + sed quid tu id quaeris? + + (_cautiously_) Nowhere, to my knowledge. But why do you ask? + +_Erg_ + + Quia mi est natalis dies; + propterea te vocari ad te ad cenam volo + + Well, to-day is my birthday: so consider yourself invited to + take dinner at--your house. + +_Hegio_ + + Facete dictum. sed si pauxillo potes, + contentus esse. + + (_laughing_) Well put! But only on condition you can be + content with very little. + +_Erg._ + + Ne perpauxillum modo, + nam istoc me assiduo victu delecto domi, + age sis, roga emptum. nisi qui meliorem adferet + quae mi atque amicis placeat condicio magis, 180 + quasi fundum vendam, meis me addicam legibus + + Yes, only don’t make it very, very, very little, for that is + what I regale myself on constantly at home. Come on, come + on, do please say “Done!” (_after a pause, formally_) In the + event of no party making a better offer, more satisfactory + to myself and associates, I’ll knock myself down to you--on + my own terms--just as if I was selling an estate by auction. + +_Hegio_ + + Profundum vendis tu quidem, haud fundum, mihi + sed si venturu’s, temperi. + + An estate indeed! You mean an empty state. But if you intend + to come, come in season. + +_Erg._ + + Em, vel iam otium est. + + Oho! I’m at leisure this minute, for that matter. + +_Hegio_ + + I modo, venare leporem: nunc irim tenes; + nam meus scruposam victus commetat viam. + + No, no, go hunt your hare: you’ve got only a hedge-hog so + far. For it is a rocky road my table travels. + +_Erg._ + + Numquam istoc vinces me, Hegio, ne postules: + cum calceatis dentibus veniam tamen. + + You’ll never down me that way, Hegio, and don’t you think to + do it: I’ll be with you just the same--with my teeth shod. + +_Hegio_ + + Asper meus victus sane est. + + My meals are perfect terrors, really. + +_Erg._ + + Sentisne essitas? + + Tearers? Do you eat brambles? + +_Hegio_ + + Terrestris cena est. + + Well, things that root in the earth. + +_Erg._ + + Sus terrestris bestia est. + + A porker does that. + +_Hegio_ + + Multis holeribus. + + Mostly vegetables, I mean. + +_Erg._ + + Curato aegrotos domi. 190 + numquid vis? + + Open a sanitarium, then. (_turning to go_) Anything else I + can do for you? + +_Hegio_ + + Venias temperi. + + Come in season. + +_Erg._ + + Memorem mones. + + (_cheerfully_) The suggestion is superfluous. [EXIT. + +_Hegio_ + + Ibo intro atque intus subducam ratiunculam, + quantillum argenti mi apud trapezitam siet. + ad fratrem, quo ire dixeram, mox ivero. + + (_sighing as he looks at the back of his prospective guest_) + I must go in and reckon up my bit of a bank balance, and see + how low it is. Then to my brother’s, where I spoke of going + before. [EXIT INTO HOUSE. + + + + +ACTVS II + + ACT II + + + ENTER FROM _Hegio’s_ HOUSE _Overseers_ AND _Slaves_ WITH + _Philocrates_ AND _Tyndarus_ IN FETTERS: THE TWO HAVE + EXCHANGED CLOTHES + +_Lor._ + _Over._ + + Si di immortales id voluerunt, vos hanc aerumnam exsequi, + decet id pati animo aequo: si id facietis, levior labos erit. + domi fuistis, credo, liberi: + nunc servitus si evenit, ei vos morigerari mos bonust + et erili imperio eamque ingeniis vostris lenem reddere. + indigna digna habenda sunt, erus quae facit. + + (_to captives, patronizingly_) Seeing it’s the will of + Heaven you’re in this box, the thing for you to do is to + take it calmly: do that, and you won’t have such a hard time + of it. At home you were free men, I suppose: since you + happen to be slaves at present, it’s a good idea to accept + the situation and a master’s orders gracefully, and make + things easy to bear by taking ’em the proper way. Anything a + master does is right, no matter how wrong it is. + +_Captivi_ + + Oh oh oh. 200 + + (_protestingly_) Oh-h-h-h! + +_Lor._ + _Over._ + + Eiulatione haud opus est, oculis haud[5] lacrimantibus: + in re mala animo si bono utare, adiuvat. + + There’s no need of howling or crying. It helps to take bad + things well. + +_Tynd._ + + At nos pudet, quia cum catenis sumus. + + But to be in chains--we feel disgraced! + +_Lor._ + _Over._ + + At pigeat postea + nostrum erum, si vos eximat vinculis, + aut solutos sinat, quos argento emerit. + + But it’s disgusted our master would feel later on, if he + took the chains off, or let you loose, when he’s paid money + for you. + +_Tynd._ + + Quid a nobis metuit? scimus nos + nostrum officium quod est, si solutos sinat. + + What has he to fear from us? We realise what our duty is, if + he should let us loose. + +_Lor._ + _Over._ + + At fugam fingitis: sentio quam rem agitis. + + Ah yes, you’re planning to run for it! I see what’s afoot. + +_Philocr._ + + Nos fugiamus? quo fugiamus? + + Run--we? Where should we run to? + +_Lor._ + _Over._ + + In patriam. + + Home. + +_Philocr._ + + Apage, haud nos id deceat. + fugitivos imitari. + + Get out! The idea of our acting like runaway slaves! + +_Lor._ + _Over._ + + Immo edepol, si erit occasio, haud dehortor. 210 + + Lord! why not? I’m not saying you shouldn’t, if you get the + chance. + +_Tynd._ + + Unum exorare vos sinite nos. + + (_with dignity_) Be good enough to grant us one request. + +_Lor._ + _Over._ + + Quidnam id est? + + Well, what is it? + +_Tynd._ + + Ut sine hisce arbitris + atque vobis nobis detis locum loquendi. + + Merely this--give us an opportunity to talk together without + being overheard by these good fellows (_pointing to slaves_) + and yourselves. + +_Lor._ + _Over._ + + Fiat. abscedite hinc: nos concedamus huc. + sed brevem orationem incipisse. + + All right. (_to slaves_) Away with you! (_to other overseer_) + Let’s drop back here. (_to captives_) Make it short, though. + +_Tynd._ + + Em istuc mihi certum erat. concede huc. + + Oh yes, that was my intention. (_to Philocrates, drawing + him farther from slaves_) Come this way. + +_Lor._ + _Over._ + + Abite ab istis. + + (_to slaves still hanging about_) Get out and leave ’em + alone. (_slaves obey_) + +_Tynd._ + + Obnoxii ambo + vobis sumus propter hanc rem, quom quae volumus nos + copia est; ea[6] facitis nos compotes. + + (_to overseers_) We are much obliged to you, both of us, for + the privilege of doing as we wish; we owe it to you. + +_Philocr._ + + Secede huc nunciam, si videtur, procul. + ne arbitri dicta nostra arbitrari queant 220 + neu permanet palam haec nostra fallacia. + nam doli non doli sunt, nisi astu colas, + sed malum maxumum, si id palam provenit. + + (_to Tyndarus_) Step over here now, if you please, come + over, so that no one may catch what we say and leave us with + a scheme that has leaked out. (_they move still farther from + the overseers_) Shrewd management is what makes a trick a + trick, you know: once it gets out, it becomes an instrument + of torture. + + nam si erus mihi es tu atque ego me tuom esse servom assimulo, + tamen viso opust, cauto est opus, ut hoc sobrie sineque arbitris + accurate agatur, docte et diligenter; + tanta incepta res est: haud somniculose hoc + agendum est. + + No matter if you are passing as my master and I as your + slave, even so we’ve got to be wary, we’ve got to be + cautious, so that our plan may be worked out in a clear- + headed way, quietly and carefully, with discretion and + diligence. It’s a big job we’ve got in hand: we can’t go + to sleep over it. + +_Tynd._ + + Ero ut me voles esse. + + I will be all you wish me to be, sir. + +_Philocr._ + + Spero. + + I hope so. + +_Tynd._ + + Nam tu nunc vides pro tuo caro capite + carum offerre me meum caput vilitati. 230 + + For that matter, sir, you already see that to save a man I + love, I am holding my own life cheap, much as I love it. + +_Philocr._ + + Scio. + + I realize it. + +_Tynd._ + + At scire memento, quando id quod voles habebis; + nam fere maxima pars morem hunc homines habent; quod sibi volunt, + dum id impetrant, boni sunt; + sed id ubi iam penes sese habent, + ex bonis pessimi et fraudulentissimi + fiunt: nunc ut mihi te volo esse autumo.[7] (236) + + But remember to realize it when you get what you want. For, + generally speaking, men have a habit of being fine fellows + so long as they are seeking some favour; but when they have + obtained it there’s a change, and your fine fellows turn + into villainous cheats of the worst description. In all + this, sir, I’m telling you how I wish you to act toward me. + +_Philocr._ + + Pol ego si te audeam, meum patrem nominem: (238) + nam secundum patrem tu es pater proximus. + + By heaven, I might call you my father, if I chose: for next + to my real father you are the best one I have. + +_Tynd._ + + Audio. + + I know, I know. + +_Philocr._ + + Et propterea saepius te uti memineris moneo: 240 + non ego erus tibi, sed servos sum; nunc obsecro te hoc unum-- + quoniam nobis di immortales animum ostenderunt suom, + ut qui erum me tibi fuisse atque esse conservom velint, + quom antehac pro iure imperitabam meo, nunc te oro per precem-- + + And that’s just why I keep reminding you the oftener to + remember what the situation calls for: I’m not your master, + I’m a slave. Now I beg this one thing of you--since we have + unmistakable proof that it’s Heaven’s will I should + no longer be your master but your fellow slave, I, who used + to have the right to command you, now implore and entreat + you-- + + per fortunam incertam et per mei te erga bonitatem patris, + perque conservitium commune, quod hostica evenit manu, + ne me secus honore honestes quam quom servibas mihi, + atque ut qui fueris et qui nunc sis meminisse ut memineris. + + by the common peril in which we stand and by my father’s + kindness to you and by the captivity which the chances of + war have brought upon us both, don’t feel less respect for + my wishes than you did when you were my slave, and remember, + remember carefully, both who you were and who you are now. + +_Tynd._ + + Scio quidem me te esse nunc et te esse me. + + Yes, yes, I know that I am you for the time being and that + you are I. + +_Philocr._ + + Em istuc si potes + memoriter meminisse, inest spes nobis in hac astutia. 250 + + There! manage to remember to keep that in mind, and this + scheme of ours looks likely. + + +II. 2. + + Scene 2. + + ENTER _Hegio_ FROM HOUSE. + +_Hegio_ + + Iam ego revertar intro, si ex his quae volo exquisivero. + ubi sunt isti quos ante aedis iussi huc produci foras? + + (_to those within_) I shall be back directly, if I find out + what I want to know from these fellows. (_to overseers_) + Where are those prisoners I had brought out in front of the + house here? + +_Philocr._ + + Edepol tibi ne in quaestione essemus cautum intellego, + ita vinclis custodiisque circum moeniti sumus. + + (_advancing, pertly_) Gad! You guarded against having to + look for us far, I perceive,--see how we’re barricaded with + chains and watchmen. + +_Hegio_ + + Qui cavet ne decipiatur, vix cavet, cum etiam cavet; + etiam cum cavisse ratus est, saepe is cautor captus est. + an vero non iusta causa est, ut vos servem sedulo, + quos tam grandi sim mercatus praesenti pecunia? + + The man on his guard against being deceived is hardly on his + guard even when he is on his guard, even when he supposed he + was on his guard, your guarder has often enough been gulled. + Really though, haven’t I good reason to take pains to keep + you, when I paid so high for you, cash down? + +_Philocr._ + + Neque pol tibi nos, quia nos servas, aequomst vitio vortere, + neque te nobis, si abeamus hinc, si fuat occasio. 260 + + Bless your heart, sir, we haven’t any right to find fault + with you for trying to keep us, or you with us, if we clear + out--if we get a chance. + +_Hegio_ + + Ut vos hic, itidem illic apud vos meus servatur filius. + + My son is kept prisoner there in your country just as you + are here. + +_Philocr._ + + Captus est? + + Captured? + +_Hegio_ + + Ita. + + Yes. + +_Philocr._ + + Non igitur nos soli ignavi fuimus. + + Then other folks besides us have been cowards. + +_Hegio_ + + Secede huc. nam sunt quae ex te solo scitari volo. + quarum rerum te falsilocum mi esse nolo. + + (_leading him farther from Tyndarus_) Step over here. There + are some matters I wish to ask you about in private. No + lying about them, mind. + +_Philocr._ + + Non ero + quod sciam. si quid nescibo, id nescium tradam tibi. + + Not I, sir, not if I know. If I don’t know about a thing, + I’ll (_innocently_) tell you what I don’t know. + +_Tynd._ + + Nunc senex est in tostrina, nunc iam cultros attinet. + ne id quidem, involucrum inicere, voluit, vestem ut ne inquinet. + sed utrum strictimne adtonsurum dicam esse an per pectinem, + nescio; verum, si frugist, usque admutilabit probe. + + (_aside, cheerfully_) Now the old fellow is in the barber’s + chair, yes, now we have the clippers on him. And master not + even willing to throw a towel over him to keep his clothes + clean! Is it going to be a close crop, I wonder, or just a + trim?--that’s the question. If he knows his business, + though, he’ll dock him handsomely. + +_Hegio_ + + Quid tu? servosne esse an liber mavelis, memora mihi. 270 + + See here, would you prefer to be a slave or a free man, tell + me that? + +_Philocr._ + + Proxumum quod sit bono quodque a malo longissume, + id volo; quamquam non multum fuit molesta servitus, + nec mihi secus erat quam si essem familiaris filius. + + The maximum of pleasure and the minimum of pain, that’s my + preference, sir; but being a slave hasn’t bothered me much, + though: I wasn’t treated any differently than if I’d been a + son of the house. + +_Tynd._ + + Eugepae, Thalem talento non emam Milesium, + nam ad sapientiam huius[8] nimius nugator fuit. + ut facete orationem ad servitutem contulit. + + (_aside_) Well done my boy! I wouldn’t buy Milesian Thales + at a thousand thalers: why, he was nothing but the veriest + amateur of a wise man compared with master here. How + cleverly he’s dropped into the servant jargon! + +_Hegio._ + + Quo de genere natust illic Philocrates? + + Who are Philocrates’ people there in Elis? + +_Philocr._ + + Polyplusio: + quod genus illi est unum pollens atque honoratissumum. + + The Goldfields, sir,--the most influential and respected + family in those parts easily. + +_Hegio_ + + Quid ipsus hic? quo honore est illic? + + And the young man himself? How does he stand? + +_Philocr._ + + Summo, atque ab summis viris.[9] 279 + + Very high indeed, sir,--belongs to the highest circles. + +_Hegio_ + + Quid divitiae, suntne opimae? + + How about his property? Pretty fat one, eh? + +_Philocr._ + + Unde excoquat sebum senex. (281) + + Fat? Old Goldfields could get dripping out of it. + +_Hegio_ + + Quid pater, vivitne? + + What about his father? Is he living? + +_Philocr._ + + Vivom, cum inde abimus, liquimus; + nunc vivatne necne, id Orcum scire oportet scilicet. + + He was when we left home, whether he’s alive now or not, of + course you had better inquire below as to that, sir. + +_Tynd._ + + Salva res est, philosophatur quoque iam, non mendax modo est. + + (_aside_) The situation is saved! Now he not only lies but + moralizes. + +_Hegio_ + + Quid erat ei nomen? + + What was his name? + +_Philocr._ + + Thensaurochrysonicochrysides. + + Ducatsdoubloonsandpiecesofeightson. + +_Hegio_ + + Videlicet propter divitias inditum id nomen quasi est. + + A sort of name applied to him on account of his money, + I take it. + +_Philocr._ + + Immo edepol propter avaritiam ipsius atque audaciam.[10] + + (_apparently struck by a new idea_) Lord, no! on account of + his being so greedy and grasping, sir. + +_Hegio_ + + Quid tu ais? tenaxne pater est eius? + + What’s that? His father’s rather close, is he? + +_Philocr._ + + Immo edepol pertinax; + quin etiam ut magis noscas: Genio suo ubi quando sacruficat, 290 + ad rem divinam quibus est opus, Samiis vasis utitur, + ne ipse Genius surripiat: proinde aliis ut credat vide. + + Close? My word, sir! he’s adhesive! Why, really,--just so as + to give you a better notion of him--whenever he sacrifices + to his own Guardian Spirit he won’t use any dishes needed in + the service except ones made of Samian earthenware, for fear + his very Guardian Spirit may steal ’em. You can see from + this what a confiding character he is in general. + +_Hegio_ + + Sequere hac me igitur. eadem ego ex hoc quae volo exquaesivero. + Philocrates, hic fecit, hominem frugi ut facere oportuit. + nam ego ex hoc quo genere gnatus sis scio, hic fassust mihi; + haec tu eadem si confiteri vis, tua ex re feceris: + quae tamen scio scire me ex hoc. + + Well, well, come this way with me. (_aside, as they join + Tyndarus_) I’ll soon get the information I want out of the + master here at the same time. (_to Tyndarus_) Philocrates, + your servant has acted as a worthy fellow ought to act. + Yes, I know from him about your family: he has admitted + everything. If you choose to be equally open with me, it + will be to your advantage: however, I have been completely + informed already by him. + +_Tynd._ + + Fecit officium hic suom, + cum tibi est confessus verum, quamquam volui sedulo + meam nobilitatem occultare et genus et divitias meas, + Hegio; nunc quando patriam et libertatem perdidi, 300 + non ego istunc me potius quam te metuere aequom censeo. + vis hostilis cum istoc fecit meas opes aequabiles; + memini, cum dicto haud audebat: facto nunc laedat licet. + + (_with dignified melancholy_) He has done his duty in + admitting the truth to you, much as I did wish to keep you + in the dark, Hegio, about my rank and birth and wealth; now + that I am a man without a country, a prisoner, I suppose it + is not to be expected that he should stand more in + awe of me than of you. The chances of war have put master + and man on an equal footing. I remember the time when he did + not venture to offend me by a word: now he is at liberty to + do me an actual injury. + + sed viden? fortuna humana fingit artatque ut lubet: + me, qui liber fueram servom fecit, e summo infimum; + qui imperare insueram, nunc alterius imperio obsequor. + et quidem si, proinde ut ipse fui imperator familiae, + habeam dominum, non verear ne iniuste aut graviter mi imperet. + Hegio, hoc te monitum, nisi forte ipse non vis, voluerim. + + But you see! fortune moulds us, pinches us, to suit her + whims: here am I, the one-time free man, a slave--tossed + from the heights to the depths. Accustomed to command, + I am now at another’s beck and call. And indeed, if I might + have such a master as I myself was when I was the head of a + household, I should have no fear of being treated unjustly + or harshly. There is one thing I should like to impress upon + you, Hegio,--unless you object, maybe. + +_Hegio_ + + Loquere audacter. + + No, no, speak out. + +_Tynd._ + + Tam ego fui ante liber quam gnatus tuos, 310 + tam mihi quam illi libertatem hostilis eripuit manus. + tam ille apud nos servit, quam ego nunc his apud te servio. + est profecto deus, qui quae nos gerimus auditque et videt: + is, uti tu me his habueris, proinde illum illic curaverit; + bene merenti bene profuerit, male merenti par erit. + quam tu filium tuom, tam pater me meus desiderat. + + Once I was free as your son; an enemy’s success deprived me + of my liberty as he was deprived of his; he is a slave in my + country as I am here with you. There surely is a God who + hears and sees what we do: and according to your treatment + of me here, so will he look after your son there. He will + reward the deserving and requite the undeserving. Just as + you long for your son, so does my father long for me. + +_Hegio_ + + Memini ego istuc. sed faterin eadem quae hic fassust mihi? + + I know all that--but do you admit the truth of what this + fellow has told me? + +_Tynd._ + + Ego patri meo esse fateor summas divitias domi + meque summo genere gnatum. sed te optestor, Hegio, + ne tuom animum avariorem faxint divitiae meae: 320 + ne patri, tam etsi sum unicus, decere videatur magis, + me saturum servire apud te sumptu et vestitu tuo + potius quam illi, + ubi minime honestumst, mendicantem vivere.[11] (323) + + I do admit that my father is a very wealthy man at home and + that I do come of very good family. But, Hegio, I beseech + you, don’t let my wealth make your demands too exorbitant: + for my father, even though I am his only son, might feel + that it was better for me to remain your slave, well fed and + clothed at your expense, than to come to beggary + there at home where it would disgrace us most. + +_Hegio_ + + Non ego omnino lucrum omne esse utile homini existimo (325) + scio ego, multos iam lucrum lutulentos homines reddidit, + est etiam ubi profecto damnum praestet facere quam lucrum. + odi ego aurum: multa multis saepe suasit perperam. + + I am not a man who regards each and every acquisition of + money as a blessing: plenty of people have been tainted + before now by this money getting, I know that. There are + even times when it certainly is more profitable to lose + money than to make it. Gold! I despise it: it has led many a + man into many a wrong course. + + nunc hoc animum advorte, ut ea quae sentio pariter scias. + filius meus illic apud vos servit captus Alide: 330 + eum si reddis mihi, praeterea unum nummum ne duis; + et te et hunc amittam hinc. alio pacto abire non potes. + + Now give me your attention. I want you to understand + thoroughly what I have in mind. (_slowly and emphatically_) + My son is a prisoner in Elis, a slave there among your + countrymen: get him back to me, and without your giving me + a single penny in addition, I will let you go home, and your + servant, too. On no other terms can you get off. + +_Tynd_ + + Optumum atque aequissumum oras optumusque hominum es homo. + sed is privatam servitutem servit illi an publicam? + + A very fair and reasonable proposition, sir, and you are the + very fairest of men. Does he belong to some private person, + though, or to the state? + +_Hegio_ + + Privatam medici Menarchi. + + To a private person, a doctor named Menarchus. + +_Tynd_ + + Pol is quidem huius est cliens. + tam hoc quidem tibi in proclivi quam amber est quando pluit. + + (_aside_) Jove! why, he’s a client of master’s! (_aloud_) + Why, this will be just as easy for you as rain when it pours. + +_Hegio_ + + Fac is homo ut redimatur. + + Have him ransomed. + +_Tynd_ + + Faciam. sed te id oro, Hegio-- + + I will. But thus much I beg of you Hegio,-- + +_Hegio_ + + Quid vis, dum ab re ne quid ores, faciam. + + (_eagerly_) Anything you please, provided my interests don’t + suffer by it. + +_Tynd._ + + Ausculta, tum scies. + ego me amitti, donicum ille huc redierit, non postulo + verum quaeso ut aestumatum bunc mihi des, quem mittam ad patrem 340 + ut is homo redimatur illi. + + Listen, and you can see if they will. I don’t ask to be + released myself until my servant gets back. But I do urge + you to let me have him under a forfeit, to send to father so + that your son there can be ransomed. + +_Hegio_ + + Immo alium potius misero + hunc, ubi erant indutiae, illuc, tuom qui conveniat patrem, + qui tua quae tu iusseris mandata ita ut velis perferat. + + Oh no, I’ll send some one else instead when we have an + armistice; that will be preferable: he shall confer + with your father and carry out your orders to your + satisfaction. + +_Tynd._ + + At nihil est ignotum ad illum mittere: operam luseris. + hunc mitte, hic transactum reddet omne, si illuc venerit. + nec quemquam fideliorem neque cui plus credat potes + mittere ad eum nec qui magis sit servos ex sententia, + neque adeo cui suom concredat filium hodie audacius. + ne vereare, meo periclo huius ego experiar fidem, + fretus ingenio eius, quod me esse scit erga se benevolum. 350 + + But it’s no good sending a stranger to him: you’ll have + frittered away your time. Send him: (_pointing to + Philocrates_) he will transact the whole affair, once he + gets there. You can’t send him a more reliable man, one he + would trust more, a servant that’s more to his mind; I may + go so far as to say there is no one he would be readier to + entrust his own son to. Never fear: I will be responsible + for his fidelity. I can depend on his goodness of heart; he + appreciates my kindness to him. + +_Hegio_ + + Mittam equidem istunc aestumatum tua fide, si vis. + + Very well, I’ll send him under a forfeit, on your guarantee, + if you wish. + +_Tynd._ + + Volo; + quam citissime potest, tam hoc cedere ad factum volo. + + I do wish it. And I wish to have all this an accomplished + fact just as quickly as possible. + +_Hegio_ + + Num quae causa est quin, si ille huc non redeat, viginti minas + mihi des pro illo? + + Have you any objection to paying me eighty pounds for him in + case he doesn’t return? + +_Tynd._ + + Optuma immo. + + Not the slightest--fair as can be. + +_Hegio_ + + Solvite istum nunciam, + atque utrumque. + + (_to overseers_) Take the chains off that fellow at once, + off both of them, in fact. + +_Tynd._ + + Di tibi omnis omnia optata offerant, + cum me tanto honore honestas cumque ex vinclis eximis. + hoc quidem haud molestumst, iam quod collus collari caret. + + (_as slaves obey_) God grant your every wish, sir, for your + highly considerate conduct toward me and for releasing me. + (_aside, stretching himself_) I tell you what, it’s no + unpleasant sensation, having that necklet off one’s neck. + +_Hegio_ + + Quod bonis bene fit beneficium, gratia ea gravida est bonis. + nunc tu illum si illo es missurus, dice monstra praecipe + quae ad patrem vis nuntiari. vin vocem huc ad te? + + “A good deed done a good man yields a large return of good.” + Now if you intend to send that fellow home, inform him, + instruct him, give him full particulars as to the message + he’s to carry your father. Shall I call him over here to + you? + +_Tynd._ + + Voca. 360 + + Do. + + +II. 3. + + Scene 3. + +_Hegio_ + + Quae res bene vortat mihi meoque filio + vobisque, volt te novos erus operam dare + tuo veteri domino, quod is velit, fideliter. + nam ego te aestumatum huic dedi viginti minis, + his autem te ait mittere hinc velle ad patrem, + meum ut illic redimat filium, mutatio + inter me atque illum ut nostris fiat filiis. + + (_going to Philocrates_) God bless us all in this, me, + and my son, and yourselves! My man, your new master + wishes you to do something your old master wishes, and to do + it faithfully. The fact is, I have given you over to him, + under an eighty pound forfeit, he saying he desires to send + you off to his father and let him ransom my son there in + Elis, so that he may exchange my boy for his own. + +_Philocr._ + + Utroque vorsum rectumst ingenium meum, + ad te atque ad illum; pro rota me uti licet: + vel ego huc vel illic vortar, quo imperabitis. 370 + + I’m quite disposed to do both of you a good turn, sirs, you + and him both; you can use me like a wheel, I’ll turn your + way or his, either way, wherever you like. + +_Hegio_ + + Tute tibi tuopte ingenio prodes plurumum, + cum servitutem ita fers ut ferri decet. + sequere. em tibi hominem. + + And you are acting very much to your own advantage in being + so disposed, and in accepting your slavery as you should. + Follow me. (_leading way to Tyndarus_) There’s your man. + +_Tynd._ + + Gratiam habeo tibi, + quom copiam istam mi et potestatem facis, + ut ego ad parentes hunc remittam nuntium, + qui me quid rerum his agitem et quid fieri velim + patri meo, ordine omnem rem, illuc perferat. + + (_sedately_) I thank you, sir, for affording me this + opportunity, of making him my messenger to my parents, so + that he may carry to my father a full account of me and my + situation here, and what I wish him to see to. + + nunc ita convenit inter me atque hunc, Tyndare. + ut te aestumatum in Alidem mittam ad patrem, + si non rebitas huc, ut viginti minas 380 + dem pro te. + + (_turning to Philocrates_) Tyndarus, this gentleman and I + have just arranged that I send you to Elis to father, under + a forfeit: if you fail to return, I am to pay him eighty + pounds for you. + +_Philocr._ + + Recte convenisse sentio. + nam pater expectat aut me aut aliquem nuntium, + qui hinc ad se veniat. + + And a good arrangement, too, in my opinion. For the old + gentleman’s expecting either me or some messenger to come to + him from here. + +_Tynd._ + + Ergo animum advortas volo + quae nuntiare hinc te volo in patriam ad patrem. + + Well then, I wish you to pay attention to the message I wish + you to take home to him. + +_Philocr._ + + Philocrates, ut adhuc locorum feci, faciam sedulo, + ut potissimum quod in rem recte conducat tuam, + id petam idque persequar corde et animo atque viribus. + + I’ll do the best I can for you, sir, just as I always have: + anything that makes for your good, sir, I’ll work my hardest + for, and follow up with all my heart and soul and strength. + +_Tynd._ + + Facis ita ut te facere oportet. nunc animum advortas volo: + omnium primum salutem dicito matri et patri + et cognatis et si quem alium benevolentem videris; 390 + me hic valere et servitutem servire huic homini optumo, + qui me honore honestiorem semper fecit et facit. + + The proper spirit. Now I wish you to pay attention. First of + all, remember me to my father and mother and my relatives + and anyone else you may see who is interested in my welfare; + tell them I am in good health here and a slave of this most + estimable gentleman who has always accorded me the (_with + emphasis_) very extraordinary consideration which I still + enjoy. + +_Philocr._ + + Istuc ne praecipias, facile memoria memini tamen. + + No instructions needed along that line, sir: I can remember + to mind that easily enough, without. + +_Tynd._ + + Nam equidem, nisi quod custodem habeo, liberum me esse arbitror. + dicito patri, quo pacto mihi cum hoc convenerit de huius filio. + + For really, aside from the fact that I have a guard, I feel + that I am a free man. Tell my father what arrangement this + gentleman and I have made regarding his son. + +_Philocr._ + + Quae memini, mora mera est monerier. + + Mere waste of time, sir, to remind me of what I remember. + +_Tynd._ + + Ut eum redimat et remittat nostrum huc amborum vicem. + + That he is to ransom him and send him back here in exchange + for us both. + +_Philocr._ + + Meminero. + + I’ll remember. + +_Hegio_ + + At quamprimum pote: istuc in rem utriquest maxime. + + Yes, but just as quickly as possible: that’s of the highest + importance to each of us. + +_Philocr._ + + Non tuom tu magis videre quam ille suom gnatum cupit. + + You don’t long to see your son any more than he does his, + sir. + +_Hegio_ + + Meus mihi, suos cuique est carus. + + My son is dear to me, as his own son is to every father. + +_Philocr._ + + Numquid aliud vis patri 400 + nuntiari? + + No further message for him, eh? + +_Tynd._ + + Me hic valere et--tute audacter dicito, + Tyndare--inter nos fuisse ingenio haud discordabili, + neque te commeruisse culpam--neque me adversatum tibi-- + beneque ero gessisse morem in tantis aerumnis tamen; + + (_somewhat at a loss_) Say I am in good health here, and-- + (_earnestly_) Tyndarus, speak up boldly to him, yourself,-- + say that we have never been at variance, that I have never + had reason to find fault with you (nor you to think me + obstinate) and that you have served your master to the + full even in such adversity. + + neque med umquam deseruisse te neque factis neque fide, + rebus in dubiis egenis. haec pater quando sciet, + Tyndare, ut fueris animatus erga suom gnatum atque se, + numquam erit tam avarus, quin te gratiis emittat manu[12]; + et mea opera, si hinc rebito, faciam ut faciat facilius. + + Say that a treacherous act, a disloyal thought were things + undreamed of even in the dark hours of distress. When my + father knows of this, Tyndarus, knows what your spirit + toward his son and himself has been, he will never be so + niggardly as not to set you free at his own expense; and + if I return, I will put forth my own efforts to make him + the more ready to do it. + + nam tua opera et comitate et virtute et sapientia 410 + fecisti ut redire liceat ad parentis denuo, + cum apud hunc confessus es et genus et divitias meas: + quo pacto emisisti e vinclis tuom erum tua sapientia. + + For it is through your efforts and good will and devotion + and wisdom that I have a chance to go back to my parents + once more, inasmuch as you informed this gentleman of my + family and wealth: thanks to your wisdom in doing so, your + master’s fetters have been removed. + +_Philocr._ + + Feci ego ista ut commemoras, et te meminisse id gratum est mihi. + merito tibi ea venerunt a me; nam nunc, Philocrates, + si ego item memorem quae me erga multa fecisti bene, + nox diem adimat; nam quasi servos meus esses, nihilo setius + tu mihi obsequiosus semper fuisti. + + Right you are, sir, so I did, and I’m glad you remember it. + You deserve anything I’ve done for you, too; why, sir, if I + was to go on like that now and mention how many good turns + you’ve done me, it would take all day and more; why, it was + just as if you had been my slave, not a bit different, the + deferential way you’ve always treated me. + +_Hegio_ + + Di vostram fidem, + hominum ingenium liberale. ut lacrumas excutiunt mihi. + videas corde amare inter se. quantis lautus laudibus 420 + suom erum servos collaudavit. + + (_half aside_) Bless my soul, what noble natures! Dear, + dear, it brings the tears to my eyes! You can see they are + simply devoted to each other. The way that splendid slave + praised his own master--a perfect panegyric! + +_Tynd._ + + Pol istic me haud centesimam + partem laudat quam ipse meritust ut laudetur laudibus. + + Heavens, sir, he doesn’t praise me a hundredth part as much + as he deserves to be praised himself. + +_Hegio_ + + Ergo cum optume fecisti, nunc adest occasio + bene facta cumulare, ut erga hunc rem geras fideliter. + + (_to Philocrates_) Well then, having been such an excellent + servant, here is an opportunity to crown your services by + carrying through this business for him faithfully. + +_Philocr._ + + Magis non factum possum velle, quam opera experiar persequi; + id ut scias, Iovem supremum testem laudo, Hegio. + me infidelem non futurum Philocrati. + + I’ll be just as keen in actually trying to do it as I can be + for wanting it done, sir; and to prove it, sir, I swear by + God Almighty that I’ll never be unfaithful to Philocrates-- + +_Hegio_ + + Probus es homo. + + (_heartily_) Worthy fellow! + +_Philocr._ + + Nec me secus umquam ei facturum quicquam quam memet mihi. + + --or ever act any differently by him than I would by my own + self. + +_Tynd._ + + Istaec dicta te experiri et operis et factis volo; + et, quo minus dixi quam volui de te, animum advortas volo, 430 + atque horunc verborum causa caveto mi iratus fuas; + sed, te quaeso, cogitato hinc mea fide mitti domum + te aestimatum, et meam esse vitam hic pro te positam pignori, + + (_with increased earnestness_) It is the actual performance, + the deed, I wish to test those words by; and inasmuch as I + said less than I wished about your conduct, I wish you to + pay particular attention,--yes, and be sure not to take + offence at what I say. But I beg you, do bear in mind the + fact that you are being sent off home, sent home at my risk + and under a forfeit, and that I am staking my life for you + here: + + ne tu me ignores, quom extemplo meo e conspectu abscesseris, + quom me servom in servitute pro ted hic reliqueris, + tuque te pro libero esse ducas, pignus deseras + neque des operam pro me ut huius reducem facias filium.[13] (437) + fac fidelis sis fideli, cave fidem fluxam geras: (439) + nam pater, scio, faciet quae illum facere oportet omnia; 440 + serva tibi in perpetuom amicum me, atque hunc inventum inveni. + + so don’t forget me the moment you are out of sight, when you + have left me here in servitude, a slave, in your stead; and + don’t consider yourself a free man and let your promise go + and fail to save me by bringing back this gentleman’s son. + Be faithful, I entreat you, to one who has shown his faith, + and don’t falter in that faithfulness. As for my father, I + am sure he will do everything he should do. For your part, + keep me your friend for ever, and do not lose this friend + (_indicating Hegio_) you have found. + + haec per dexteram tuam te dextera retinens manu + opsecro, infidelior mihi ne fuas quam ego sum tibi. + tu hoc age. tu mihi erus nunc es, tu patronus, tu pater, + tibi commendo spes opesque meas. + + This I beseech you by this hand (_grasping Philocrates’ + right hand_), this hand I hold in mine: don’t be less true + to me than I am to you. (_after a pause_) Well, to the work! + You are my master now, my protector, my father, you and you + only: to you I commend my hopes and my welfare. + +_Philocr._ + + Mandavisti satis + satin habes, mandata quae sunt facta si refero? + + Enough commands, sir. Will you be satisfied, if I turn your + commands to accomplished facts? + +_Tynd._ + + Satis. + + Yes. + +_Philocr._ + + Et tua et tua huc ornatus reveniam ex sententia. numquid aliud? + + I’ll come back here equipped to suit you (_to Hegio_) sir, + and you, (_to Tyndarus_) too. Nothing else? + +_Tynd._ + + Ut quam primum possis redeas. + + Return as soon as you can. + +_Philocr._ + + Res monet. + + Naturally, sir. + +_Hegio_ + + Sequere me, viaticum ut dem a trapezita tibi, + eadem opera a praetore sumam syngraphum. + + (_to Philocrates_) Follow me. I must go to the banker’s + and give you some money for travelling expenses: I’ll get a + passport from the praetor at the same time. + +_Tynd._ + + Quem syngraphum? 450 + + What passport? + +_Hegio_ + + Quem hic ferat secum ad legionem, hinc ire huic ut liceat domum. + tu intro abi. + + One to take to the army with him so that he’ll he allowed to + go off home. As for yourself, you go inside. + +_Tynd._ + + Ben ambulato. + + (_to Philocrates_) A good journey to you. + +_Philocr._ + + Bene vale. + + Good-bye, sir, good-bye! + [EXIT _Tyndarus_ INTO _Hegio’s_ HOUSE. + +_Hegio_ + + Edepol rem meam + constabilivi, quom illos emi de praeda a quaestoribus; + expedivi ex servitute filium, si dis placet, + at etiam dubitavi, hos homines emerem an non emerem, diu. + + (_aside, in high spirits_) Well, well, well, it was the + making of me when I bought those two from the commissioners! + I’ve set my son at Liberty, God willing! And to think I + hesitated for a long time whether to buy them or not! + + servate istum sultis intus, servi, ne quoquam pedem + ecferat sine custodela. iam ego apparebo domi; + ad fratrem modo captivos alios inviso meos, + eadem percontabor, ecquis hunc adulescentem noverit. + sequere tu, te ut amittam; ei rei primum praevorti volo. 460 + + (_to overseers_) Please keep an eye on that prisoner + inside there, my lads, and don’t let him set a foot out + here anywhere without a guard. I shall soon be home myself. + I’ll just step over to my brother’s for a look at my other + captives: at the same time I’ll inquire if any one of them + knows this young gentleman. (_to Philocrates_) Come, my man, + so that I may send you off; I want to attend to that first. + [EXEUNT _Hegio_ AND _Philocrates_. + + + + +ACTVS III + + ACT III + + + (_An hour has elapsed._) + + ENTER _Ergasilus_, MUCH DEPRESSED + +_Erg._ + + Miser homo est, qui ipse sibi quod edit quaerit et id aegre invenit, + sed ille est miserior, qui et aegre quaerit et nihil invenit; + ille miserrimust, qui cum esse cupit, tum quod edit non habet. + nam hercle ego huic die, si liceat, oculos effodiam libens, + ita malignitate oneravit omnis mortalis mihi; + + It’s sad when a man has to spend his time looking for his + food and has hard work finding it. It’s sadder, though, when + he has hard work looking for it and doesn’t find it. But + it’s saddest of all when a man is pining to eat, and no food + in range. By gad, if I only could, I’d like to dig the eyes + out of this day, it’s made every living soul so damnably + mean to me! + + neque ieiuniosiorem neque magis ecfertum fame + vidi nec quoi minus procedat quidquid facere occeperit, + ita venter gutturque resident esurialis ferias. + ilicet parasiticae arti maximam malam crucem, + ita iuventus iam ridicules inopesque ab se segregat. 470 + + A more hungriful day, a more bulged-out- with-starvation + day, a more unprogressive day for every undertaking, I never + did see! Such a famine feast as my inside is having! Devil + take the parasitical profession! How the young fellows + nowadays do sheer off from impecunious wits! + + nil morantur iam Lacones unisubselli viros, + plagipatidas, quibus sunt verba sine penu et pecunia + eos requirunt, qui libenter, quom ederint, reddant domi; + ipsi obsonant, quae parasitorum ante erat provincia, + ipsi de foro tam aperto capite ad lenones eunt + quam in tribu aperto capite sontes condemnant reos; + neque ridiculos iam terrunci faciunt, sese omnes amant. + + Not a bit of use have they nowadays for us Spartans, us + valiant benchenders, us descendants of old Takesacuff, whose + capital is talk without cash and comestibles. The guests + they’re after are the ones that enjoy a dinner and then + like to return the compliment. They do their marketing + themselves, too,--that used to be the parasites’ province-- + and away they go from the forum themselves to interview the + pimps, just as barefaced as they are in court when they + condemn guilty defendants. They don’t care a farthing for + wits these days: they’re egoists, every one. + + nam uti dudum hinc abii, accessi ad adulescentes in foro. + “salvete” inquam. “quo imus una” inquam “ad prandium?” + atque illi tacent. + “quid ait ‘hoc’ aut quis profitetur?” + inquam. quasi muti silent, 480 + neque me rident. “ubi cenamus?” inquam. atque illi abnuont. + + Why, when I left here a little while ago, I went up to some + young fellows in the forum. “Good day,” says I. “Where are + we going to lunch together?” says I. Sudden silence. “Who + says: ‘This way’? Who makes a bid?” says I. Dumb as mutes, + didn’t even give me a smile. “Where do we dine?” says I. + A shaking of heads. + + dico unum ridiculum dictum de dictis melioribus, + quibus solebam menstruales epulas ante adipiscier: + nemo ridet; scivi extemplo rem de compecto geri; + ne canem quidem irritatam voluit quisquam imitarier, + saltem, si non arriderent, dentes ut restringerent. + + I told ’em a funny story--one of my best, that used to find + me free board for a month. Nobody smiled. I saw in a moment + it was a put-up job; not a one of ’em was even willing to + act like a cross dog and at least show their teeth, no + matter if they wouldn’t laugh. + + abeo ab illis, postquam video me sic ludificarier; + pergo ad alios, venio ad alios, deinde ad alios: una res. + omnes de compecto rem agunt, quasi in Velabro olearii. + nunc redeo inde, quoniam me ibi video ludificarier. 490 + item alii parasiti frustra obambulabant in foro. + + I left ’em after I saw I was being made a fool of this way, + up I went to some others, and then to others, and to others + still,--same story. They re all in a combination, just like + the oil dealers in the Velabrum.[C] So here I am back again, + seeing I was trifled with there. Some more parasites were + prowling round the forum all for nothing, too. + + [Footnote C: A market district in Rome.] + + nunc barbarica lege certumst ius meum omne persequi: + qui consilium iniere, quo nos victu et vita prohibeant, + is diem dicam, inrogabo multam. ut mihi cenas decem + meo arbitratu dent, cum cara annona sit. sic egero. + nunc ibo ad portum hinc: est illic mi una spes cenatica; + si ea decolabit, redibo huc ad senem ad cenam asperam. + + Now I’m going to have the foreign law on those chaps and + demand my full rights, I certainly am: it’s conspiracy, + conspiracy to deprive us of sustenance and life, and I’m + going to summon ’em, fine ’em-- make ’em give me ten + dinners, at my discretion, and that will be when food + is dear. That’s how I’ll catch them. (_turning to go_) + Well, now for the harbour. That’s where my one hope is, + gastronomically speaking, if that oozes away, I’ll come + back here to the old man’s terror of a meal. + + [EXIT _Ergasilus_, LOOKING IN ALL DIRECTIONS FOR A POSSIBLE + HOST. + + +III. 2. + + Scene 2. + + ENTER _Hegio_ WITH _Aristophontes_ AND _Slaves_. + +_Hegio_ + + Quid est suavius, quam bene rem gerere, + bono publico, sic ut ego feci heri, + cum emi hosce homines: ubi quisque vident, 500 + eunt obviam gratulanturque eam rem, + ita me miserum restitando + retinendoque lassum reddiderunt: + vix ex gratulando miser iam eminebam. + + (_highly pleased with himself_) Now what makes you feel + better than managing your affairs properly and contributing + to the common good, just as I did yesterday in buying + these prisoners? Whenever anyone sees me up he comes and + congratulates me on it! Dear, dear! I was so worn out + with all their stopping and detaining me, it got to be + frightfully hard work emerging from the flood of + felicitations. + + tandem abii ad praetorem; ibi vix requievi: + rogo syngraphum, datur mi ilico; dedi Tyndaro: ille abiit domum. + inde ilico praevortor domum, postquam id actum est; + eo protinus ad fratrem, mei ubi sunt alii captivi. + + At last I escaped to the praetor’s. Barely waiting to catch + my breath, I asked for a passport, got it on the spot, gave + it to Tyndarus: he’s off for home. After seeing to that, I + first start straight for home. Then I go on to my brother’s + where the rest of my prisoners are. + + rogo, Philocratem ex Alide ecquis hominum + noverit: tandem his exclamat, eum sibi esse sodalem; 510 + dico eum esse apud me; hic extemplo orat obsecratque, + eum sibi ut liceat videre: + iussi ilico hunc exsolvi. nunc tu sequere me, + ut quod me oravisti impetres, eum hominem uti convenias. + + Inquire if any one of ’em knows Philocrates of Elis. Finally + this fellow (_pointing to Aristophontes_) calls out that + Philocrates is a particular friend of his. I tell him he’s + at my house; the next instant he’s begging and beseeching me + for a chance to see him. I had him unfettered at once. (_to + Aristophontes_) Now, sir, come this way, so as to obtain + your request and meet your friend. + [EXEUNT INTO HOUSE: AS THEY GO IN _Tyndarus_ RUSHES OUT. + + +III. 3. + + Scene 3. + +_Tynd._ + + Nunc illud est, cum me fuisse quam esse nimio mavelim: + nunc spes opes auxiliaque a me segregant spernuntque se. + hic illest dies, cum nulla vitae meae salus sperabilest, + neque exitium[14] exitio est neque adeo spes, quae mi hunc + aspellat metum, + nec subdolis mendaciis mihi usquam mantellum est meis,[15] 520 + + (_grimly_) Now’s the time when I should infinitely prefer + to be underground than on it! Hope, resources, help--all + deserting, all leaving me in the lurch now! My day has come: + I can never hope to get out of this alive. Done for, and + nothing to be done for it! There’s no prospect of staving + off the danger, either, and not a thing to drape my crafty + lies with. + + neque deprecatio perfidiis meis nec male factis fuga est. (522) + nec confidentiae usquam hospitium est nec deverticulum dolis: + operta quae fuere aperta sunt, patent praestigiae, + omnis res palam est, neque de hac re negotium est, + quin male occidam oppetamque pestem eri vicem meamque. + + My falsehoods can’t beg themselves off, or my transgressions + take to their heels: no lodgings anywhere for brass: guile + can’t find accommodations. The covert’s uncovered, our + plot’s apparent, everything’s out. There’s nothing to do + about it: I must drop off disagreeably, and come to a + painful end for master--also for myself. + + perdidit me Aristophontes hic qui venit modo intro:[16] + is me novit, is sodalis Philocrati et cognatus est. + neque iam Salus servare, si volt, me potest, nec copia est, + nisi si aliquam corde machinor astutiam. 530 + quam, malum? quid machiner? quid comminiscar? maxumas + nugas ineptus incipisso. haereo. + + He’s been the ruin of me, this Aristophontes that just + went inside: he knows me: he’s a particular friend of + Philocrates, related to him, too. Salvation herself can’t + save me now, if she so desires: there’s no chance unless I + can invent some clever scheme. But what, curse it? What can + I invent? What can I devise? (_reflecting, then doubtfully_) + Oh, this is awful nonsense I’m at, poor simpleton! + (_disgustedly_) Stuck! + + +III. 4. + + Scene 4. + + ENTER _Hegio_, _Aristophontes_, AND _Slaves_. + +_Hegio_ + + Quo illum nunc hominem proripuisse foras se dicam ex aedibus? + + Where did that fellow bolt for out of the house just now, + I wonder? + +_Tynd._ + + Nunc enim vero ego occidi: eunt ad te hostes, Tyndare. + quid loquar? quid fabulabor? quid negabo aut quid fatebor? + mihi res omnis in incerto sita est. quid rebus confidam meis? + utinam te di prius perderent, quam periisti e patria tua, + Aristophontes, qui ex parata re imparatam omnem facis. + occisa est haec res, nisi reperio atrocem mi aliquam astutiam. + + (_aside_) It’s all over with me, all over with me now: the + enemy are upon you, Tyndarus! What shall I say? What story + shall I tell? What shall I deny--or what admit? It’s a shaky + business for me on every side! What faith can I put in my + luck? Oh, I wish the gods had made away with you before you + made away from home, Aristophontes,--upsetting my settled + plan completely! The game is up, unless I hit upon some + awfully clever scheme. + +_Hegio_ + + Sequere. em tibi hominem. adi, atque adloquere. + + (_to Aristophontes, on seeing Tyndarus_) Come along! There’s + your man! Go up and speak to him! + +_Tynd._ + + Quis homo est me hominum miserior? 540 + + (_aside, as Aristophontes approaches_) What mortal man + is in a more confounded hole than this? (_pretends not to + recognize him_) + +_Arist._ + + Quid istuc est quod meos te dicam fugitare oculos, Tyndare, + proque ignoto me aspernari, quasi me numquam noveris? + equidem tam sum servos quam tu, etsi ego domi liber fui, + tu usque a puero servitutem servivisti in Alide. + + I wonder what you mean by this, Tyndarus,--avoiding my eye + and snubbing me as a stranger, quite as if you never knew + me? I’m just as much of a slave as you are, to be sure, but + at home I was free: as for you, you’ve been slaving it in + Elis from your boyhood up. + +_Hegio_ + + Edepol minime miror, si te fugitat aut oculos tuos, + aut si te odit, qui istum appelles Tyndarum pro Philocrate. + + Bless my soul! I’m not a bit surprised if he avoids you, or + your eye, no, nor if he detests you, when you call him + Tyndarus instead of Philocrates. + +_Tynd._ + + Hegio, hic homo rabiosus habitus est in Alide, + ne tu quod istic fabuletur auris immittas tuas. + nam istis hastis insectatus est domi matrem et patrem, + et illic isti qui insputatur morbus interdum venit. 550 + proin tu ab istoc procul recedas. + + (_dragging Hegio aside_) Hegio, this fellow was looked upon + as a raving maniac in Elis, so don’t you let him fill your + ears with his babble. Why, at home he chased his father and + mother about with a spear, and every once in a while he has + an attack of the disease that people spit on.[D] So get out + of his reach, then,--well away. + + [Footnote D: Epilepsy.] + +_Hegio_ + + Ultro istum a me. + + (to slaves) Keep him off! Keep him off! + +_Arist._ + + Ain, verbero? + me rabiosum atque insectatum esse hastis meum memoras patrem, + et eum morbum mi esse, ut qui me opus sit insputarier? + + What’s that, you rascal? I’m a raving maniac and chased my + own father with a spear, you say? I have the disease that + calls for my being spat upon? + +_Hegio_ + + Ne verere, multos iste morbus homines macerat, + quibus insputari saluti fuit atque is profuit. + + (_cheeringly_) Never you mind! Many a man’s consumed by that + disease of yours, who’s been helped by being spat on, and + it’s brought him through. + +_Arist._ + + Quid tu autem? etiam huic credis? + + (_to Hegio, hotly_) How’s this? You, too? Do you actually + believe him? + +_Hegio_ + + Quid ego credam huic? + + Believe him in what? + +_Arist._ + + Insanum esse me? + + That I’m insane? + +_Tynd._ + + Viden tu hunc, quam inimico voltu intuetur? concedi optumumst, + Hegio: fit quod tibi ego dixi, gliscit rabies, cave tibi. + + (_to Hegio_) Do you see him--that angry glare of his? You’d + better leave, Hegio. It’s just as I said: a fit’s coming on. + Look out for yourself! + +_Hegio_ + + Credidi esse insanum extemplo, ubi te appellavit Tyndarum. + + (_hastily moving farther off_) I thought so, I thought he + was crazy, from the moment he called you Tyndarus. + +_Tynd._ + + Quin suom ipse interdum ignorat nomen neque scit qui siet. 560 + + Why, at times he positively forgets his own name and doesn’t + know who he is. + +_Hegio_ + + At etiam te suom sodalem esse aibat. + + But he was even saying you were an intimate friend of his. + +_Tynd._ + + Haud vidi magis. + et quidem Alcumeus atque Orestes et Lycurgus postea + una opera mihi sunt sodales qua iste. + + (_dryly_) Quite so! And the fact is that Alcumeus,[E] in + that case, and Orestes,[E] and Lycurgus[E] too are intimate + friends of mine, just exactly as much. + + [Footnote E: Madmen, celebrated in Greek mythology. + Alcumeus = Alcmaeon.] + +_Arist._ + + At etiam, furcifer, + male loqui mi audes? non ego te novi? + + Ha! You scoundrel, do you dare go on maligning me? Don’t I + know you? + +_Hegio_ + + Pol planum id quidem est, + non novisse, qui istum appelles Tyndarum pro Philocrate. + quem vides, eum ignoras: illum nominas quem non vides. + + Good heavens! It’s quite plain you don’t know him--calling + him Tyndarus instead of Philocrates! The man you see you + don’t know: you name the man you don’t see. + +_Arist._ + + Immo iste eum sese ait, qui non est, esse, et qui vero est, negat. + + No, sir! This fellow says he’s the man he isn’t, and says he + isn’t the man he really is. + +_Tynd._ + + Tu enim repertu’s, Philocratem qui superes veriverbio. + + (_to Aristophontes, meaningly_) So you have turned up to + beat Philocrates in stating facts! + +_Arist._ + + Pol ego ut rem video, tu inventu’s, vera vanitudine + qui convincas. sed quaeso hercle, agedum aspice ad me. + + Good Lord! As I look at it, you have been unearthed to + browbeat facts by stating falsehoods. But come now, confound + it, look me in the eye! + +_Tynd._ + + Em. + + (_doing so coolly_) Well? + +_Arist._ + + Dic modo: 570 + tun negas te Tyndarum esse? + + Now tell me: do you deny that you are Tyndarus? + +_Tynd._ + + Nego, inquam. + + I do, certainly. + +_Arist._ + + Tun te Philocratem + esse ais? + + You claim to be Philocrates, you? + +_Tynd._ + + Ego, inquam. + + I certainly do. + +_Arist._ + + Tune huic credis? + + (_to Hegio, exasperated_) Do you believe him? + +_Hegio_ + + Plus quidem quam tibi aut mihi. + nam ille quidem, quem tu hunc memoras esse, hodie hinc abiit Alidem + ad patrem huius. + + More than I do you, surely,--or myself. For you see, the + fellow you tell me this man is--he went away to Elis to-day + to this man’s father. + +_Arist._ + + Quem patrem, qui servos est? + + (_contemptuously_) Father! What do you mean, when he’s a + slave? + +_Tynd._ + + Et tu quidem + servos es, liber fuisti, et ego me confido fore, + si huius huc reconciliasso in libertatem filium. + + Well, you, too, are a slave and once were free: and (_with + emphasis_) I hope to be so myself, when I have restored + this gentleman’s son to home and liberty. + +_Arist._ + + Quid ais, furcifer? tun te gnatum esse memoras liberum? + + What’s that, you villain? You tell me you were born a + freeman? + +_Tynd._ + + Non equidem me Liberum, sed Philocratem esse aio. + + No indeed, my name is not Freeman, but Philocrates, that’s + what I say. + +_Arist._ + + Quid est? + ut scelestus, Hegio, nunc iste te ludos facit. + nam is est servos ipse, neque praeter se umquam ei servos fuit. 580 + + What’s all this? How the rascal’s making game of you, + Hegio! Why he’s a slave himself--the only one he ever had. + +_Tynd._ + + Quia tute ipse eges in patria nec tibi qui vivas domist, + omnis inveniri similis tui vis; non mirum facis: + est miserorum, ut malevolentes sint atque invideant bonis. + + (_superior_) Just because you yourself are poverty-stricken + in your own country, with nothing at home to live on, you + want to have every one else put in the same list. There is + nothing strange in that: it is characteristic of poor + beggars to be ill-natured, and envy the well-to-do. + +_Arist._ + + Hegio, vide sis, ne quid tu huic temere insistas credere. + atque, ut perspicio, profecto iam aliquid pugnae edidit. + filium tuom quod redimere se ait, id ne utiquam mini placet. + + Hegio, I beg you take care not to go on with your rash + confidence in this fellow. And for that matter, he’s + certainly given you a fall or two already, I take it. This + talk of his about rescuing your son doesn’t please me at + all. + +_Tynd._ + + Scio te id nolle fieri; efficiam tamen ego id, si di adiuvant. + illum restituam huic, hic autem in Alidem me meo patri. + propterea ad patrem hinc amisi Tyndarum. + + (_with an appealing look_) I know you don’t want it done; + but I’ll bring it about, God helping me. (_slowly_) I will + restore his son to this gentleman, and then this gentleman + will send me back to Elis to my father. That was why I sent + Tyndarus off to my father. + +_Arist._ + + Quin tute is es: + neque praeter te in Alide ullus servos istoc nominest. 590 + + Why, you’re Tyndarus yourself: and besides you there’s not a + slave in Elis of that name. + +_Tynd._ + + Pergin servom me exprobrare esse, id quod vi hostili optigit? + + Still taunting me with being a slave, eh? A slave as it + happens, because the enemy were too much for us! + +_Arist._ + + Enim iam nequeo contineri. + + (_angrily_) I positively can’t control myself any longer! + +_Tynd._ + + Heus, audin quid ait? quin fugis? + iam illic his nos insectabit lapidibus, nisi illunc iubes + comprehendi. + + (_apparently alarmed, to Hegio_) Aha! Hear what he’s saying? + Run, why don’t you? He’ll be after us with stones in a + minute, if you don’t have him seized. + +_Arist._ + + Crucior. + + Oh, this is driving me wild! + +_Tynd._ + + Ardent oculi: fit opus, Hegio; + viden tu illi maculari corpus totum maculis luridis? + atra bilis agitat hominem. + + His eyes are blazing! He’s having one, Hegio! See how his + whole body is covered with lurid spots? It’s black fury + that’s tormenting the fellow! + +_Arist._ + + At pol te, si hic sapiat senex, + pix atra agitet apud carnificem tuoque capiti inluceat. + + Now, by the Lord, if this old gentleman did the wise thing, + it’s black pitch that would torment you at the + executioner’s, and light up that head of yours! + +_Tynd._ + + Iam deliramenta loquitur, laruae stimulant virum. + hercle qui, si hunc comprehendi iusseris, sapias magis. + + Now he’s got to the raving point! Evil spirits are hounding + the man, Hegio. Heavens! You’d do more wisely to have him + seized! + +_Arist._ + + Crucior, lapidem non habere me, ut illi mastigiae 600 + cerebrum excutiam, qui me insanum verbis concinnat suis. + + Oh, damnation! not to have a stone to knock out the brains + of this blackguard that’s driving me mad with his talk! + +_Tynd._ + + Audin lapidem quaeritare? + + Hear that--looking for a stone! + +_Arist._ + + Solus te solum volo, + Hegio. + + (_struggling to contain himself_) Hegio, I want a word with + you all alone. + +_Hegio_ + + Instinc loquere, si quid vis, procul tamen audiam. + + (_timorously_) Say it from there, if there’s anything you + want--from away off there. I shall hear it all the same. + +_Tynd._ + + Namque edepol si adbites propius, os denasabit tibi + mordicus. + + That’s right, by Jove! for if you go any nearer, he’ll bite + your nose off. + +_Arist._ + + Neque pol me insanum, Hegio, esse creduis + neque fuisse umquam, neque esse morbum quem istic autumat. + verum si quid metuis a me, iube me vinciri: volo, + dum istic itidem vinciatur. + + Heavens and earth, Hegio! don’t believe I’m insane, or that + I have, or ever had, the disease he’s talking about. + However, if you’re at all afraid of me, have me tied up. I + am willing, provided that fellow is tied up too. + +_Tynd._ + + Immo enim vero, Hegio, + istic, qui volt, vinciatur. + + No indeed, Hegio, certainly not, tie up the fellow that + wants it. + +_Arist._ + + Tace modo. ego te, Philocrates + false, faciam ut verus hodie reperiare Tyndarus. 610 + quid mi abnutas? + + You keep still, now! I’ll soon show you up, you false + Philocrates, for the real Tyndarus. (_Tyndarus makes signs + to him behind Hegio’s back_) What, are you shaking your + head at me for? + +_Tynd._ + + Tibi ego abnuto? + + I shaking my head at you? + +_Arist._ + + Quid agat, si absis longius? + + (_to Hegio_) What would he do, if you were farther off? + +_Hegio_ + + Quid ais? quid si adeam hunc insanum? + + See here, what if I should step up to this lunatic? + +_Tynd._ + + Nugas. ludificabitur, + garriet quoi neque pes umquam neque caput compareat. + ornamenta absunt: Aiacem, hunc cum vides, ipsum vides. + + Ridiculous! He’ll make a fool of you, jabbering something + without head or tail to it. Look at this fellow, and you’re + looking at a regular Ajax[F]--all but the make-up. + + [Footnote F: Another madman of Greek mythology.] + +_Hegio_ + + Nihili facio. tamen adibo. + + I don’t care. I’m going to step up to him just the same. + (_approaches Aristophontes hesitantly_) + +_Tynd._ + + Nunc ego omnino occidi, + nunc ego inter sacrum saxumque sto, nec quid faciam scio. + + (_aside_) Now I’m done for entirely. Now I’m between the + axe and the altar, and what to do I don’t know. + +_Hegio_ + + Do tibi operam, Aristophontes, si quid est quod me velis. + + I’m at your service, Aristophontes, if there’s anything you + want of me. + +_Arist._ + + Ex me audibis vera quae nunc falsa opinare, Hegio. + sed hoc primum, me expurigare tibi volo. me insaniam 620 + neque tenere neque mi esse ullum morbum, nisi quod servio. + at ita me rex deorum atque hominum faxit patriae compotem, + ut istic Philocrates non magis est quam aut ego aut tu. + + I’ll show you, Hegio, that all this you take for a lie is + the truth. But first I want to clear myself with you, and + assure you that I am not insane, and have no affliction + except captivity. And now,--(_solemnly_) so may the King of + heaven and earth restore me to my native land,--that fellow + is no more Philocrates than you or I. + +_Hegio_ + + Eho dic mihi, + quis illic igitur est? + + (_impressed_) Hey? Tell me, who is he then? + +_Arist._ + + Quem dudum dixi a principio tibi. + hoc si secus reperies, nullam causam dico quin mihi + et parentum et libertatis apud te deliquio siet. + + The man I told you he was to begin with, a while ago. If you + find it otherwise, I make no objection to forfeiting my + parents and my liberty and staying here with you. + +_Hegio_ + + Quid tu ais? + + (_to Tyndarus_) And you--what have you to say? + +_Tynd._ + + Me tuom esse servom et te meum erum. + + (_urbanely_) That I am your servant, and that you are my + master. + +_Hegio_ + + Haud istuc rogo. + fuistin liber? + + (_impatiently_) That isn’t what I’m asking about. Were you a + freeman? + +_Tynd._ + + Fui. + + I was. + +_Arist._ + + Enim vero non fuit, nugas agit. + + He certainly was not. Absurd! + +_Tynd._ + + Qui tu scis? an tu fortasse fuisti meae matri obstetrix, + qui id tam audacter dicere audes? + + (_superciliously_) How do you know? Or were you my mother’s + midwife, perhaps, that you venture to speak with such + assurance on this point? + +_Arist._ + + Puerum te vidi puer. 630 + + I saw you when we were both boys. + +_Tynd._ + + At ego te video maior maiorem: em rursum tibi. + meam rem non cures, si recte facis. num ego curo tuam? + + Well, I see you now we are both grown-ups. There’s one for + you! You wouldn’t meddle with my business, if you behaved + decently. I don’t meddle with yours, do I? + +_Hegio_ + + Fuitne huic pater Thensaurochrysonicochrysides? + + Wasn’t his father called Ducatsdoubloonsandpiecesofeightson? + +_Arist._ + + Non fuit, neque ego istuc nomen umquam audivi ante hunc diem + Philocrati Theodoromedes fuit pater. + + No sir, he was not, and I never heard that name before + to-day. The father of Philocrates was Theodoromedes. + +_Tynd._ + + Pereo probe + quin quiescis? idie rectum cor meum, ac suspende te. + tu sussultas, ego miser vix asto prae formidine. + + (_aside, dryly_) I’m jolly well done for. Stop your noise, + will you, heart? Go to the deuce, and be hanged to you! + Jumping up and down, while I, poor devil, can hardly stand + for fear! + +_Hegio_ + + Satin istuc mihi exquisitum est, fuisse hunc servom in Alide + neque esse hunc Philocratem? + + Am I to take it as absolutely clear that this fellow was a + slave in Elis, that he is not Philocrates? + +_Arist_ + + Tam satis quam numquam hoc invenies secus. + sed ubi is nunc est? + + So absolutely that you’ll never find it to be anything + different. But where is Philocrates at present? + +_Hegio_ + + Ubi ego mimime atque ipsus se volt maxume 640 + sed vide sis. + + (_savagely_) Where I least want him, and he most wants to + be. Do, do, see if there’s not some mistake, though. + +_Arist._ + + Quin exploratum dico et provisum hoc tibi. + + No, I’m sure of my ground and fully informed in what I tell + you. + +_Hegio_ + + Certon? + + You’re certain? + +_Arist._ + + Quin nihil, inquam, invenies magis hoc certo certus. + Philocrates iam inde usque amicus fuit mihi a puero puer. + + You’ll never find a deader certainty than this, I assure + you. Philocrates has been a friend of mine ever since he was + a boy. + +_Hegio_ + + Tum igitur ego deruncinatus, deartuatus sum miser + huius scelesti techinis, qui me ut lubitum est ductavit dolis + sed qua faciest tuos sodalis Philocrates? + + So then, I’ve been trimmed, torn limb from limb, poor fool, + by the arts of this rogue, who’s taken me in with his tricks + to suit his taste! But what does your friend Philocrates + look like? + +_Arist._ + + Dicam tibi + macilento ore, naso acuto, corpore albo, oculis nigris, + subrufus aliquantum, crispus, cincinnatus. + + I’ll tell you--thin face, sharp nose, complexion fair, black + eyes, hair a little reddish, waving, and curled. + +_Hegio_ + + Convenit. + + That agrees! + +_Tynd._ + + Ut quidem hercle in medium ego hodie pessume processerim. + vae illis virgis miseris, quae hodie in tergo morientur meo. 650 + + (_aside ruefully_) Gad! Indeed it does--with my coming into + damned unpleasant prominence this day. Alas for those poor + whips that are doomed this day to die upon my back! + +_Hegio_ + + Verba mihi data esse video. + + I see I’ve been duped! + +_Tynd._ + + Quid cessatis, compedes, + currere ad me meaque amplecti crura, ut vos custodiam? + + (_aside_) Come on, ye shackles, run up and embrace my + shanks, so that I may keep you safe! + +_Hegio_ + + Satin med illi hodie scelesti capti ceperunt dolo? + illic servom se assimulabat, hic sese autem liberum. + nuculeum amisi, retinui pignori putamina. + ita mihi stolido sursum versum os sublevere offuciis. + his quidem me numquam irridebit. Colaphe, Cordalio, Corax, + ite istinc, ecferte lora. + + Well, haven’t those rascal captives taken me in with this + day’s trickery? The other one pretended he was the slave, + while this fellow here played the freeman. I’ve lost the + kernel and kept the shell for surety. That’s the way they’ve + daubed my face up for me, ass that I am! (_grimly_) This one + shall never have the laugh on me, at any rate. (_stepping to + door and calling_) Box! Buffum! Bangs! Come! Out with you! + Bring your straps! + + +III. 5. + + Scene 5. + + ENTER OVERSEERS, CARRYING HEAVY RAWHIDES. + +_Cola._ + _Box_ + + Num lignatum mittimur? + + (_merrily cracking a whip_) You don’t want us to go and + tie up faggots, do you, sir? + +_Hegio_ + + Inicite huic manicas[17] mastigiae. + + Clap handcuffs on this rogue. (_pointing to Tyndarus_) + +_Tynd._ + + Quid hoc est negoti? quid ego deliqui? + + (_as they obey_) What does this mean? What have I done? + +_Hegio_ + + Rogas. 660 + sator sartorque scelerum, et messor maxume? + + Done! You sower and hoer of sin--(_more savagely_) and + reaper, especially! + +_Tynd._ + + Non occatorem dicere audebas prius? + nam semper occant prius quam sariunt rustici. + + (_politely_) Couldn’t you manage to slip in “harrower”? + Why, farmers always harrow before they hoe. + +_Hegio_ + + At tu confidenter[18] mihi contra astitit. + + (_angrily_) Now look at that! the bold way he stands up to + me! + +_Tynd._ + + Decet innocentem servom atque innoxium + confidentem esse, suom apud erum potissimum. + + A guiltless, harmless slave ought to face his own master + boldly, his own master, of all men. + +_Hegio_ + + Adstringite isti sultis vehementer manus. + + (_to overseers_) Fasten his hands, tight, mind you! + +_Tynd._ + + Tuos sum, tu has quidem vel praecidi iube. + sed quid negoti est, quam ob rem suscenses mihi? + + I am yours. Have them cut off, even, for that matter. But + what does this mean? Why this rage at me? + +_Hegio_ + + Quia me meamque rem, quod in te uno fuit, 670 + tuis scelestis falsidicis fallaciis + deartuasti dilaceravisti atque opes + confecisti omnes, res ac rationes meas: + ita mi exemisti Philocratem fallaciis. + illum esse servom credidi, te liberum: + ita vosmet aiebatis itaque nomina + inter vos permutastis. + + Because as far as in you lay you’ve sent me and my hopes to + smash, demolished me, with your rascally deceitful dodges, + and spoiled all my chances, all my prospects and plans. + That’s the way you, got Philocrates off--by swindling me! + I supposed he was the slave and you the freeman; that’s + what you said yourselves; that’s how you exchanged names. + +_Tynd._ + + Fateor, omnia + facta esse ita ut tu dicis, et fallaciis + abiisse eum abs te mea opera atque astutia; + an, obsecro hercle te, id nunc suscenses mihi? 680 + + (_coolly_) I admit it: it is all as you say--yes, you were + swindled out of him, and it was my support and my scheming + that did it. But heavens and earth, that isn’t what sets you + raging at me, is it? + +_Hegio_ + + At cum cruciatu maxumo id factumst tuo. + + You shall pay for doing it, though, pay for it with your own + best blood! + +_Tynd._ + + Dum ne ob male facta, peream, parvi aestumo. + si ego hic peribo, ast ille ut dixit non redit, + at erit mi hoc factum mortuo memorabile, + me meum erum captum ex servitute atque hostibus + reducem fecisse liberum in patriam ad patrem, + meumque potius me caput periculo + praeoptavisse, quam is periret, ponere. + + (_simply_) Provided it is not for wrongdoing, let me die--it + matters little. If I myself do die here, and if he does fail + to return, as he said he would, what I have done, at least, + will be remembered when I am gone--men will tell how I + saved my captured master from slavery and from his enemies, + restored him, a free man, to his home and his father, and + how I chose to put my own life in peril rather than let him + die. + +_Hegio_ + + Facito ergo ut Acherunti clueas gloria. + + Well then, you can look in the next world for that glorious + name of yours. + +_Tynd._ + + Qui per virtutem, periit, at non interit. 690 + + The man that dies in a worthy cause does not perish utterly. + +_Hegio_ + + Quando ego te exemplis pessumis cruciavero + atque ob sutelas tuas te morti misero, + vel te interiisse vel periisse praedicent; + dum pereas, nihil intererit: dicant vivere. + + After I’ve tortured you in the most excruciating ways + possible, and sent you to perdition for the lies you’ve + patched up, let ’em announce that you’ve perished utterly, + or that you’ve merely died; so long as you’re dead, no + matter--they can say you’re living, for all I care. + +_Tynd._ + + Pol si istuc faxis, haud sine poena feceris, + si ille hue rebitet, sicut confido affore. + + You do that, sir, and I swear it will cost you dear, if my + master comes back, as I expect him to do. + +_Arist._ + + Pro di immortales, nunc ego teneo, nunc scio + quid hoc sit negoti. meus sodalis Philocrates + in libertate est ad patrem in patria. bene est, + nec quisquam est mihi, aeque melius cui velim. 700 + sed hoc mihi aegre est, me huic dedisse operam malam, + qui nunc propter me meaque verba vinctus est. + + (_aside_) Great God! Now I see it! Now I understand what it + all means! My chum Philocrates is free, has gone home to his + father. Good! And not a friend have I got that I wish better + luck to, either. But I do feel bad about the cursed way I’ve + treated Tyndarus here! He’s got me and my tongue to thank + for being strapped up at this moment. + +_Hegio_ + + Votuin te quicquam mi hodie falsum proloqui? + + Didn’t I tell you not to deceive me in the slightest + particular? + +_Tynd._ + + Votuisti. + + Yes. + +_Hegio_ + + Cur es ausus mentiri mihi? + + Then why did you dare lie to me? + +_Tynd._ + + Quia vera obessent illi quoi operam dabam: + nunc falsa prosunt. + + Because the truth would have harmed the person I was trying + to help: as it is, deceit has served his turn. + +_Hegio_ + + At tibi oberunt. + + It won’t serve yours, however. + +_Tynd._ + + Optumest. + at erum servavi, quem servatum gaudeo. + cui me custodem addiderat erus maior meus. + sed malene id factum arbitrare? + + Very well, sir. I saved my master, at any rate, and I’m + happy in having saved the man that my older master put in my + care. Really now, do you think this was a wrong act? + +_Hegio_ + + Pessume. + + Atrocious! + +_Tynd._ + + At ego aio recte. qui abs te sorsum sentio. 710 + nam cogitato, si quis hoc gnato tuo + tuos servos faxit, qualem haberes gratiam? + emitteresne necne eum servom manu? + essetne apud te is servos aceeptissimus? + responde. + + Well, sir, I differ with you--I say it was right. Why, just + think! if a slave of yours did the same thing for your own + son, what would be your feeling toward him? Would you set + this slave free, or not? Wouldn’t this slave be your + favourite? Answer me that. + +_Hegio_ + + Opinor. + + (_reluctantly_) I suppose so. + +_Tynd._ + + Cur ergo iratus mihi es? + + Why are you angry at me, then? + +_Hegio_ + + Quia illi fuisti quam mihi fidelior. + + Because you have been more faithful to him than to me. + +_Tynd._ + + Quid? tu una nocte postulavisti et die + recens captum hominem, nuperum novicium, + te perdocere ut melius consulerem tibi, + quam illi, quicum una a puero aetatem exegeram? 720 + + What? Did you expect in a single night and day to teach a + man just recently captured, a slave you had hardly bought, + to consult your interests more than those of the master I + grew up from boyhood with? + +_Hegio_ + + Ergo ab eo petito gratiam istam. ducite, + ubi ponderosas crassas capiat compedes. + inde ibis porro in latomias lapidarias. + ibi quom alii octonos lapides effodiunt, nisi + cotidiano sesquiopus confeceris, + Sescentoplago nomen indetur tibi. + + Well then, look to him for your thanks for it. (_to + overseers_) Off with him and have him shackled--heavy ones, + solid ones! (_to Tyndarus_) After that you shall go straight + to the stone quarries. There, while the rest of them are + digging out their eight blocks a day, you’re to do half as + much again, or you’ll be dubbed The Cracks-collector. + +_Arist._ + + Per deos atque homines ego te obtestor, Hegio, + ne tu istunc hominem perduis. + + Hegio! for God’s sake don’t let the man be utterly lost! + +_Hegio_ + + Curabitur; + nam noctu nervo vinctus custodibitur, + interdius sub terra lapides eximet: 730 + diu ego hunc cruciabo, non uno absolvam die. + + Lost? We’ll see to that! Why, at night he’ll be chained up + in a cell and guarded, and in the daytime he’ll be under + ground hewing out stone. It’s agony long drawn out he’ll get + from me; I won’t end it for him all in one day. + +_Arist._ + + Certumne est tibi istuc? + + (_distressed_) Is this your fixed intention, sir? + +_Hegio_ + + Non moriri certius. + abducite istum actutum ad Hippolytum fabrum, + iubete huic crassas compedes impingier; + inde extra portam ad meum libertum Cordalum + in lapicidinas facite deductus siet: + atque hunc me velle dicite ita curarier, + ne qui deterius huic sit quam cui pessume est. + + Fixed as death! (_to overseers_) Quick! March him off to + Hippolytus the blacksmith and have some solid irons forged + on him; then he’s to be escorted outside the city to my + freedman Cordalus and the quarries. Yes, and tell Cordalus + I want it seen to that he be treated quite as well as the + man that’s treated (_ferociously_) worst. + +_Tynd._ + + Cur ego te invito me esse salvom postulem? + periclum vitae meae tuo stat periculo. 740 + post mortem in morte nihil est quod metuam mali. + etsi pervivo usque ad summam aetatem, tamen + breve spatium est perferundi quae minitas mihi. + + Why should I ask for mercy when you refuse it? My life is + risked at risk to you. After death, there is no evil in + death for me to fear. And even if I live on and on to the + very limits of human life, it’s still only for a short time + I shall have to endure what you threaten me with. + + vale atque salve, etsi aliter ut dicam meres. + tu, Aristophontes, de me ut meruisti, ita vale; + nam mihi propter te hoc optigit. + + Farewell, sir, and God bless you, no matter if you do + deserve to have me wish you something else. As for you, + Aristophontes, fare you well--as well as you deserve of me; + for it is all on account of you that this has happened to + me. + +_Hegio_ + + Abducite. + + (_to overseers_) Off with him. + +_Tynd._ + + At unum hoc quaeso, si huc rebitet Philocrates, + ut mi eius facias conveniundi copiam. + + But I do ask this one thing of you, sir: if Philocrates + comes back, give me a chance to meet him. + +_Hegio_ + + Periistis, nisi hunc iam e conspectu abducitis. + + (_to overseers_) Out of my sight with him this instant, or + I’ll murder you! (_they seize Tyndarus and hurry him off + roughly_) + +_Tynd._ + + Vis haec quidem hercle est, et trahi et trudi simul. 750 + + (_dryly_) Well, well! This is positive violence, being + pushed and pulled at the same time. [EXEUNT. + +_Hegio_ + + Illic est abductus recta in phylacam, ut dignus est. + ego illis captivis aliis documentum dabo, + ne tale quisquam facinus incipere audeat. + quod absque hoc esset, qui mihi hoc fecit palam, + usque offrenatum suis me ductarent dolis. + + That rascal is bound straight for the prison cell he’s + entitled to. I’ll make an example of him for the benefit of + those other prisoners, so that none of them will dare engage + in such deviltry. If it hadn’t been for this fellow here who + disclosed it all, they’d have bitted me and led me along + with their tricks till the end of time. + + nunc certum est nulli posthac quicquam credere. + satis sum semel deceptus. speravi miser + ex servitute me exemisse filium: + ea spes elapsa est. perdidi unum filium, + puerum quadrimum quem mihi servos surpuit, 760 + neque eum servom umquam repperi neque filium; + + Never again do I trust a soul in anything, that’s settled. + Once cheated is enough. (_pauses, then gloomily_) I hoped, + poor fool, that I had ransomed my son from slavery--a hope + that’s slipped away! I lost one son, a four-year-old boy + that a slave kidnapped, and never a trace of slave or son + since. + + maior potitus hostium est. quod hoc est scelus? + quasi in orbitatem liberos produxerim. + sequere hac. reducam te ubi fuisti. neminis + miserere certum est, quia mei miseret neminem. + + And my older boy in the hands of enemies! What curse am + I under? As if I’d begotten children so as to be left + childless! (_to Aristophontes_) This way, you. (_going + toward brother’s house_) Back you go where you were before. + I am determined to pity no one, since no one pities me. + +_Arist._ + + Exauspicavi ex vinclis. nunc intellego + redauspicandum esse in catenas denuo. + + (_wryly_) It seemed a good omen, my getting out of irons. + Now I perceive I must omen myself back to chains again. + [EXEUNT. + + + + +ACTVS IV + + ACT IV + + + (_It is to be assumed that several hours only have elapsed._) + + ENTER _Ergasilus_, ELATED. + + +_Erg._ + + Iuppiter supreme, servas me measque auges opes, + maximas opimitates opiparasque offers mihi, + laudem lucrum, ludum iocum, festivitatem ferias, 770 + pompam penum, potationis saturitatem, gaudium, + nec cuiquam homini supplicare[19] nunc certum est mihi; + nam vel prodesse amico possum vel inimicum perdere, + ita hic me amoenitate amoena amoenus oneravit dies, + sine sacris hereditatem sum aptus effertissimam. + + Great God on high, thou dost preserve me and prosper me with + fatness! Boundless abundance, yea, sublime abundance dost + thou bring me! Praise, profit, pleasure, jollity, festivity, + feasting, trains of victuals, eatables, drinkables, satiety, + joy! Never will I toady to human being more, I now resolve + it. Why, I can bless my friend or blast my foe, now that + this delightful day has loaded me down with its delightful + delightfulness! I’ve landed a legacy stuffed fit to burst, + and not a single encumbrance attached! + + nunc ad senem cursum capessam hunc Hegionem, cui boni + tantum affero quantum ipsus a dis optat, atque etiam amplius. + nunc certa res est, eodem pacto ut comici servi solent. + coniciam in collum pallium, primo ex med hanc rem ut audiat: + speroque me ob hunc nuntium aeternum adepturum cibum. 780 + + Now for a race up to old Hegio here. I’m bringing him + all the happiness he craves of Heaven, yes, and more, too. + I know what I’ll do now: like slaves in the comedies, I’ll + bundle my cloak round my neck and run, so that I’ll be the + first man he hears this news from; and I hope to get food + for ever and ever for my information. + + +IV. 2. + + Scene 2. + + ENTER _Hegio_. + +_Hegio_ + + Quanto in pectore hanc rem meo magis volato, + tanto mi aegritudo auctior est in animo. + ad illum modum sublitum os esse mi hodie! + neque id perspicere quivi. + quod cum scibitur, tum per urbem inridebor. + + (_soliloquizing moodily_) The more I think it over, the + sourer I feel. The idea of their playing upon me in that + style to-day! And I couldn’t see through it. When it gets + known, I shall be the joke of the town. + + cum extemplo ad forum advenero, omnes loquentur: + “hic illest senex doctus, quoi verba data sunt.” + sed Ergasilus estne his, procul quem video? + conlecto quidem est pallio. quidnam acturust? + + The moment I appear at the forum they’ll all be saying, + “Here comes that smart old fellow that got humbugged.” + (_observing Ergasilus_) But isn’t that Ergasilus I see + over there? With his cloak all tucked up, too! Now what + in the world is he going to do? (_steps aside_) + +_Erg._ + + Move aps te moram atque, Ergasile, age hanc rem. 790 + eminor interminorque, ne mi obstiterit obviam + nisi quis satis diu vixisse sese homo arbitrabitur. + nam qui obstiterit, ore sistet. + + (_with burlesque importance and bustle_) No dawdling now, + Ergasilus! At it, my boy, at it! I give you to wit by all + the law’s pains and penalties that no man stand in my way, + unless he thinks he has lived long enough. For the man that + does stand in my way shall stand on his head. (_squares off + and delivers lusty blows at imaginary passers-by_) + +_Hegio_ + + Hic homo pugilatum incipit. + + (_aside_) The fellow is going in for a boxing match! + +_Erg._ + + Facere certumst. proinde ita omnes itinera insistant sua, + ne quis in hanc plateam negoti conferat quicquam sui. + nam meus est ballista pugnus, cubitus catapultast mihi, + umerus aries, tum genu quemque icero ad terram dabo, + dentilegos omnes mortales faciam, quemque offendero. + + I’ll do it, I’m resolved. So everybody keep where they + belong, and don’t anyone bring his business into this + street! I tell you what, my fist is a siege-gun, and this + forearm is my catapult, and my shoulder is a battering ram, + yes, and every man I lay my knee into will bite the earth. + I’ll make every man I meet a tooth-collector. + +_Hegio_ + + Quae illaec eminatiost nam? nequeo mirari satis. + + (_aside_) What on earth does all this bluster mean? Quite + unaccountable! + +_Erg_ + + Faciam ut huius diei locique meique semper meminerit.[20] 800 + + I’ll make him remember this day and this place and me for + ever. + +_Hegio_ + + Quid hic homo tantum incipissit facere cum tantis minis? (802) + + (_aside_) What giant undertaking is the fellow at, with all + this big talk? + +_Erg._ + + Prius edico, ne quis propter culpam capiatur suam: + continete vos domi, prohibete a vobis vim meam. + + I give you due notice, that no one may come to grief through + his own ignorance of the law: stay at home: keep away from + me--I am a violent man. + +_Hegio_ + + Mira edepol sunt, ni hic in ventrem sumpsit confidentiam. + vae misero illi, cuius cibo iste factust imperiosior. + + (_aside_) Bless my soul! I’ll be sworn he’s got some + assurance put into his inside. Heaven help the poor wretch + whose larder has set him up so! + +_Erg._ + + Tum pistores scrofipasci, qui alunt furfuribus sues, + quarum odore praeterire nemo pistrinum potest: + eorum si quoiusquam scrofam in publico conspexero, + ex ipsis dominis meis pugnis exculcabo furfures. 810 + + And as for the millers that keep sows, and feed waste stuff + to their swine, that raise such a stench nobody can go by + the mill,--if I spy a sow of any one of ’em on the public + highway, I’ll up with my fists and stamp the stuffing out of + those sows’--owners. + +_Hegio_ + + Basilicas edictiones atque imperiosas habet: + satur homost, habet profecto in ventre confidentiam. + + (_aside_) Right royal and imperious pronunciamentos. The man + is gorged: he certainly has got some assurance stowed away + inside. + +_Erg._ + + Tum piscatores, qui praebent populo pisces foetidos, + qui advehuntur quadrupedanti crucianti cantherio, + quorum odos subbasilicanos omnes abigit in forum, + eis ego ora verberabo surpiculis piscariis, + ut sciant, alieno naso quam exhibeant molestiam. + + Then the fishmongers that travel around on a jogging, + jolting gelding, and offer folk stale fish so strong it + drives every last lounger in the arcade out into the forum-- + I’ll whack their faces with their own fish baskets, just to + teach ’em what an abomination they are to the public nose. + + tum lanii autem, qui concinnant liberis orbas oves, + qui locant caedundos agnos et duplam agninam danunt, + qui petroni nomen indunt verveci sectario, 820 + eum ego si in via petronem publica conspexero + et petronem et dominum reddam mortales miserrumos. + + Yes, and the butchers, too, that bereave sheep of their + little ones, that engage to sell you lambs fit for slaughter, + and then give you lamb as old as two lambs, and pass off a + tough old ram as a prime wether--if I spy that ram on a city + thoroughfare, I’ll make ram and owner the saddest men alive! + +_Hegio_ + + Eugepae, edictiones aedilicias hic quidem habet, + mirumque adeost ni hunc fecere sibi Aetoli agoranomum. + + (_aside_) Splendid! Why, he is issuing edicts like a + Comptroller of the Victualling: I shouldn’t be surprised if + the Aetolians have made him market inspector. + +_Erg._ + + Non ego nunc parasitus sum, sed regum rex regalior, + tantus ventri commeatus meo adest in portu cibus + sed ego cesso hunc Hegionem onerare laetitia senem, + quo homine hominum adaeque nemo vivit fortunatior? + + I’m no parasite now, not I! I’m a precious potent potentate + of potentates, with all that invoice at the harbour for my + belly--food, food! But I must hurry and load old Hegio here + with ecstasy. There’s not a luckier man alive than he! + +_Hegio_ + + Quae illaec est laetitia, quam illic laetus largitur mihi? + + (_aside_) What ecstasy is it this ecstatic creature is going + to lavish on me? + +_Erg._ + + Heus ubi estis? ecquis hic est? ecquis hoc aperit ostium? 830 + + (_pounding on Hegio’s door_) Hi! Where are you? Anybody + here? Anybody going to open this door? + +_Hegio_ + + Hic homo ad cenam recipit se ad me. + + (_aside_) The fellow is coming to dine with me. + +_Erg._ + + Aperite hasce ambas fores + prius quam pultando assulatim foribus exitium adfero. + + Open this door--both doors--before I knock ’em to flinders + and finish ’em for good and all! + +_Hegio_ + + Perlubet hunc hominem colloqui. Ergasile. + + (_aside_) I should quite enjoy a word with him. (_aloud_) + Ergasilus! + +_Erg._ + + Ergasilum qui vocat? + + (_still pounding_) Who calls Ergasilus? + +_Hegio_ + + Respice. + + Vouchsafe me a look, sir. + +_Erg._ + + Fortuna quod tibi nec facit nec faciet, me iubes. + sed quis est? + + (_without turning his head_) Vouchsafe you a look, eh! + That is more than Good Luck does for you, or ever will do, + either! Who is it, though? + +_Hegio_ + + Respice ad me, Hegio sum. + + Look around this way. It’s Hegio. + +_Erg._ + + Oh mihi, + quantum est hominum optumorum optume, in + tempore advenis. + + (_rushing up_) Oh! oh! You best of all the best men that + tread the earth, you come just in time! + +_Hegio_ + + Nescio quem ad portum nactus es ubi cenes, eo fastidis. + + You have hit upon some one or other at the harbour to dine + with: that’s why you are so haughty. + +_Erg._ + + Cedo manum. + + (_rapturously_) Give me your hand! + +_Hegio_ + + Manum? + + My hand? + +_Erg._ + + Manum, inquam, cedo tuam actutum. + + Your hand, I say--give me your hand this instant! + +_Hegio_ + + Tene. + + (_doing so_) Take it. (_Ergasilus shakes it vigorously_) + +_Erg._ + + Gaude. + + Rejoice! + +_Hegio_ + + Quid ego gaudeam? + + Rejoice--I? What for? + +_Erg._ + + Quia ego impero, age gaude modo. + + Because I bid you to. Come now, rejoice! + +_Hegio_ + + Pol maerores mi antevortunt gaudiis.[21] 840 + + Good Lord, man! grief takes precedence of joy in my case. + +_Erg._ + + Iam ego ex corpore exigam omnis maculas maerorum tibi. + gaude audacter. + + I will remove every grief spot from off your person for you + this minute. Rejoice, rejoice boldly! + +_Hegio_ + + Gaudeo, etsi nil scio quod gaudeam. + + Well, I am rejoicing, although I haven’t the least idea why + I should. + +_Erg._ + + Bene facis. iube-- + + Much obliged! Order-- + +_Hegio_ + + Quid iubeam? + + (_suspiciously_) Order what? + +_Erg._ + + Ignem ingentem fieri. + + --a fire to be built, an enormous fire. + +_Hegio_ + + Ignem ingentem? + + An enormous fire? + +_Erg._ + + Ita dico, magnus ut sit. + + That’s what I say--make it a big one. + +_Hegio_ + + Quid? me, volturi, + tuan causa aedis incensurum censes? + + (_angry_) How’s that? Do you think I’m going to burn my + house down for your benefit, you vulture? + +_Erg._ + + Noli irascier. + iuben an non iubes astitui aulas, patinas elui, + [22]laridum atque epulas foveri foculis ferventibus? + alium pisces praestinatum abire? + + Calm yourself, sir. Will you order the pots to be set near + the oven, or won’t you--and the platters washed--and bacon + and lovely things to eat to be warmed up in fire-pans piping + hot? And some one to go and lay in fish? + +_Hegio_ + + Hic vigilans somniat. + + Day dreams, poor fellow! + +_Erg._ + + Alium porcinam atque agninam et pullos gallinaceos? + + And some one else to get pork and lamb and spring chicken? + +_Hegio_ + + Scis bene esse, si sit unde. + + You know how to enjoy yourself--given the wherewithal. + +_Erg._ + + [23]Pernam atque ophthalmiam, 850 + horaeum, scombrum et trygonum et cetum, et mollem caseum? + + And ham and river-lamprey and pickled fish, mackerel and + sting ray and tunny, and nice soft cheese? + +_Hegio_ + + Nominandi istorum tibi erit magis quam edundi copia + his apud me, Ergasile. + + You will have more of an opportunity to mention those + viands, Ergasilus, than to masticate them here at my house. + +_Erg._ + + Mean me causa hoc censes dicere? + + Do you suppose I’m saying this on my own account? + +_Hegio_ + + Nec nihil hodie nec multo plus tu hic edes, ne frustra sis. + proin tu tui cottidiani victi ventrem ad me afferas. + + What you get here to-day will be a cross between nothing and + next to nothing; make no mistake about that. So bring me a + stomach that is ready for your ordinary fare. + +_Erg._ + + Quin ita faciam. ut tute cupias facere sumptum, etsi ego vetem. + + Why, I’ll make you long to squander money, you yourself, + even though I should forbid it. + +_Hegio_ + + Egone? + + Me? + +_Erg._ + + Tune. + + Yes, sir, you! + +_Hegio_ + + Tum tu mi igitur erus es. + + Then you are my master, I take it. + +_Erg._ + + Immo benevolens. + vin te faciam fortunatum? + + No, no, your whole-souled friend. Do you want me to make you + a fortunate man? + +_Hegio_ + + Malim quam miserum quidem. + + Rather than unfortunate, why, yes. + +_Erg._ + + Cedo manum. + + Give me your hand. + +_Hegio_ + + Em manum. + + Here it is. (_Ergasilus again shakes it fervently_) + +_Erg._ + + Di te omnes adiuvant. + + The gods are with you! + +_Hegio_ + + Nil sentio. + + I wouldn’t know it. + +_Erg._ + + Non enim es in senticeto, eo non sentis. sed iube 860 + vasa tibi pura apparari ad rem divinam cito, + atque agnum afferri proprium pinguem. + + You wouldn’t? Well, you’re out of the wood; that’s why you + don’t twig it. But see they get the holy vessels ready for + worship--quick! Yes, and have a special lamb brought in, a + fat one. + +_Hegio_ + + Cur? + + Why? + +_Erg._ + + Ut sacrufices. + + So that you may offer sacrifice. + +_Hegio_ + + Cui deorum? + + To what deity? + +_Erg._ + + Mi hercle, nam ego nunc tibi sum summus Iuppiter, + idem ego sum Salus, Fortuna, Lux, Laetitia, Gaudium. + proin tu deum hunc saturitate facias tranquillum tibi. + + To me, by gad! For I’m your Jupiter Most High now, myself; + and Salvation, Fortune, Light, Gladness, Joy--they’re all + this identical I! So mind you placate this divinity by + stuffing him full. + +_Hegio_ + + Esurire mihi videre. + + You need food, I fancy. + +_Erg._ + + Mi quidem esurio, non tibi. + + No sir, I need food I fancy, not food you fancy. + +_Hegio_ + + Tuo arbitratu, facile patior. + + (_smiling_) Have it your own way: I’m perfectly willing + to--crawl. + +_Erg._ + + Credo, consuetu’s puer. + + Crawl? I believe you: it’s a habit you--fell into--as a + child. + +_Hegio_ + + Iuppiter te dique perdant. + + (_disgusted_) Oh, you be damned, sir! + +_Erg._ + + Te hercle--mi aequom est gratias + agere ob nuntium; tantum ego nunc porto a portu tibi boni: + nunc tu mihi places. + + And by Jove, you be--grateful to me, as you ought, for my + news. The glorious news from the port I’m just reporting! + Now your dinner begins to tempt me. + +_Hegio_ + + Abi, stultu’s, sero post tempus venis. 870 + + Be off, you idiot: you’re behind time, you have come too + late. + +_Erg._ + + Igitur olim si advenissem, magis tu tum istuc diceres; + nunc hanc laetitiam accipe a me, quam fero. nam filium + tuom modo in portu Philopolemum vivom, salvom et sospitem + vidi in publica celoce, ibidemque illum adulescentulum + Aleum una et tuom Stalagmum servom, qui aufugit domo, + qui tibi surripuit quadrimum puerum filiolum tuom. + + Well, if I had come before, then you’d have had more reason + to say that. (_slowly and portentously_) Now, sir, + prepare for the ecstasy of which I am the vehicle. A few + minutes ago at the harbour your son, your son Philopolemus, + alive, safe and sound,--I saw him, saw him in a despatch + boat, and along with him that young Elean and your slave + Stalagmus that stole your little four year old boy. + +_Hegio_ + + Abi in malam rem, ludis me. + + To the devil with you! You’re making fun of me. + +_Erg._ + + Ita me amabit sancta Saturitas, + Hegio, itaque suo me semper condecoret cognomine, + ut ego vidi. + + So help me Holy Stuffing, so may she grace me with her name + for evermore--I did see them, Hegio! + +_Hegio_ + + Meum gnatum? + + (_sceptically_) My son? + +_Erg._ + + Tuom gnatum et genium meum. + + Your son and my guardian angel. + +_Hegio_ + + Et captivom illum Alidensem? + + And that Elean prisoner? + +_Erg._ + + Μὰ τὸν Ὰπόλλω. + + _Oui, par_ Hercules! + +_Hegio_ + + Et servolum 880 + meum Stalagmum, meum qui gnatum surripuit? + + And that miserable slave of mine, Stalagmus, that kidnapped + my son? + +_Erg._ + + Ναὶ τὰν Κόραν. + + _Oui, par_ Hercul-aneum! + +_Hegio_ + + Iam credo? + + I’m to believe that? + +_Erg._ + + Ναὶ τὰν Πραινἐσην. + + _Oui, par_ Pompeii! + +_Hegio._ + + Venit? + + He’s come? + +_Erg._ + + Ναὶ τὰν Σιγνίαν. + + _Oui, par_ Sorrento! + +_Hegio_ + + Certon? + + You’re sure? + +_Erg._ + + Ναὶ τὸν Φρουσινῶνα. + + _Oui, par_ Amalfi! + +_Hegio_ + + Vide sis. + + Careful now! + +_Erg._ + + Ναὶ τὸν Ἀλάτριον. + + _Oui, par_ Torre dell’Annunziata! + +_Hegio_ + + Quid tu per barbaricas urbes iuras? + + What are you swearing by foreign cities for! + +_Erg._ + + Quia enim item asperae + sunt ut tuom victum autumabas esse. + + Well, because they’re the same as you said your meals were-- + perfect terrors. + +_Hegio_ + + Vae aetati tuae. + + Plague take you! + +_Erg._ + + Quippe quando mihi nil credis, quod ego dico sedulo. + sed Stalagmus quoius erat tunc nationis, cum hinc abit? + + My sentiments exactly, seeing you don’t believe a word I + tell you in sober earnest. Stalagmus, though,--what was his + nationality when he disappeared? + +_Hegio_ + + Siculus. + + Sicilian. + +_Erg._ + + At nunc Siculus non est, Boius est, Boiam terit: + liberorum quaerundorum causa ei, credo, uxor datast. + + But he’s no Sicilian now: he’s a Gaul--he’s being galled,[G] + anyhow, by that thing he’s attached to: he’s coupled with + the article so as to get children, I suppose? + + [Footnote G: Boia means a woman of the Boii, also a + malefactor’s collar.] + +_Hegio_ + + Dic, bonan fide tu mi istaec verba dixisti? + + See here, have you told me all this in good faith? + +_Erg._ + + Bona. 890 + + In good faith. + +_Hegio_ + + Di immortales, iterum gnatus videor, si vera autumas. + + Great heavens! I feel like a new man, if what you say is + true. + +_Erg._ + + Ain tu? dubium habebis etiam, sancte quom ego iurem tibi? + postremo, Hegio, si parva iuri iurandost fides, + vise ad portum. + + Eh? How’s that? You’ll still doubt me when I’d give you my + sacred word on it? Very well then, Hegio, if my solemn oath + is insufficient for you, go down to the harbour and see for + yourself. + +_Hegio_ + + Facere certumst. tu intus cura quod opus est. + sume, posce, prome quid vis. te facio cellarium. + + (_excited_) Precisely what I will do. You go inside and + attend to what’s needed. Take anything you want, ask for it, + get it from the store-room. I make you butler. + +_Erg._ + + Nam hercle, nisi mantiscinatus probe ero, fusti pectito. + + (_wild with joy_) Now by Jupiter, if I don’t do some + handsome catering, comb me down with a club! + +_Hegio_ + + Aeternum tibi dapinabo victum, si vera autumas. + + I’ll dinner you till doomsday, if it’s true. + +_Erg._ + + Unde id? + + And who’s to pay? + +_Hegio_ + + A me meoque gnato. + + I and my son. + +_Erg._ + + Sponden tu istud? + + I have your word on that? + +_Hegio_ + + Spondeo. + + My word. + +_Erg._ + + At ego tuom tibi advenisse filium respondeo. + + And for my part, my word to you is--your son has arrived. + +_Hegio_ + + Cura quam optume potes. + + (_making off toward harbour_) Attend to everything the + very best you can. + + +IV. 3. + + Scene 3. + +_Erg._ + + Bene ambula et redambula. 900 + illic hinc abiit, mihi rem summam credidit cibariam. + di immortales, iam ut ego collos praetruncabo tegoribus, + quanta pernis pestis veniet, quanta labes larido, + quanta sumini absumedo, quanta callo calamitas, + quanta laniis lassitudo, quanta porcinariis. + + A pleasant walk and--backwalk--to you. [EXIT _Hegio_] + He’s gone! And the whole blessed commissariat left to me! Ye + immortal gods! how I’ll knock necks off backs now! Ah, ham’s + case is hopeless, and bacon’s in a bad, bad way! And sow’s + udder--done for utterly! Oh, how pork rind will go to pot! + Butchers and pig-dealers--won’t I bustle ’em! + + nam si alia memorem, quae ad ventris victum conducunt, morast. + nunc ibo, ut pro praefectura mea ius dicam larido, + et quae pendent indemnatae pernae, eis auxilium ut feram. + + Why, if I should mention all the other things that go to + bolster up a belly, it would be a waste of time. I must off + this minute to perform my official duties and pass judgment + on bacon and help out hams that are still untried and in + suspense. [EXIT INTO HOUSE, HURRIEDLY: UPROAR WITHIN. + + +IV. 4. + + Scene 4. + + ENTER _Page_, ANGRY AND EXCITED, FROM _Hegio’s_ HOUSE. + +_Puer_ + _Page_ + + Diespiter te dique, Ergasile, perdant et ventrem tuom, + parasitosque omnis, et qui posthac cenam parasitis dabit. 910 + clades, calamitasque, intemperies modo in nostram advenit domum. + quasi lupus esuriens ille metui ne in me faceret impetum. + + (_shaking his fist at door_) May all the powers of heaven + destroy you, Ergasilus, and that belly of yours and all + parasites and anyone that gives a parasite a meal hereafter! + Disaster, devastation, a tornado, has just fallen on our + house. I was afraid he’d jump at my throat like a ravening + wolf! + + ubi[24] voltus esurientis vidi, eius extimescebam impetum + nimisque hercle ego illum male formidabam. ita frendebat dentibus. + adveniens deturbavit totum cum carne carnarium: + arripuit gladium, praetruncavit tribus tegoribus glandia; + aulas calicesque omnes confregit, nisi quae modiales erant. + + As soon as I saw that ravenous look of his I almost died for + fear he’d make a rush at me-- Lord, how he did scare me, how + he kept grinding his teeth! In he came and tugged down the + meat, rack and all--grabbed a knife and lopped the choice + bits off three necks of pork--and smashed every pot and + tureen that didn’t hold a peck or more! + + cocum percontabatur, possentne seriae fervescere. + cellas refregit omnis intus reclusitque armarium. + adservate istunc, sultis, servi. ego ibo, ut conveniam senem. + dicam ut sibi penum alium adornet, siquidem sese uti volet; 920 + nam hic quidem, ut adornat, aut iam nihil est aut iam nihil erit. + + Kept asking the cook if he couldn’t possibly use the big + pickle vats to boil things in! Broke into all the cupboards + and raided the pantry! (_shouting to those within_) Hi, + boys! watch him, will you! I’m going to find the old man. + I’ll tell him, so that he can get in more victuals for + himself, that is if he wants any for his own use: for to + judge from the way this fellow is getting ’em out here, + there’s nothing left now, or won’t be long. [EXIT. + + + + +ACTVS V + + ACT V + + + (_Half an hour has elapsed._) + + ENTER _Hegio_, _Philopolemus_, _Philocrates_, AND + _Stalagmus._ + +_Hegio_ + + Iovi disque ago gratias merito magnas, + quom reducem tuo te patri reddiderunt + quomque ex miseriis plurimis me exemerunt, + quae adhuc te carens dum hic[25] fui sustentabam, + quomque hunc conspicor in potestate nostra, + quomque huius reperta est fides firma nobis. + + (_to Philopolemus_) I thank God with all my heart, as + I ought, for bringing you back to your father, and for + relieving me of the dreadful anguish I’ve been enduring as + day after day went by, and I still here without you; yes, + and for letting me see this rascal (_indicating Stalagmus_) + in my power, and for this gentleman’s (_indicating + Philocrates_) proving himself a man of honour in standing + by his promise to us. + +_Philop._ + + Satis iam dolui ex animo, et cura me satis et lacrumis maceravi, + satis iam audivi tuas aerumnas, ad portum mihi quas memorasti. + hoc agamus. + + (_seeing Philocrates is getting impatient_) I’ve had quite + enough bitter suffering, and enough of wearing myself out + with anxiety and weeping, too, and I’ve heard quite enough + of your distress of which you told me at the harbour, + father! So now to the main point. (_turns to Philocrates_) + +_Philocr._ + + Quid nunc, quoniam tecum servavi fidem 930 + tibique hunc reducem in libertatem feci? + + (_to Hegio_) What of me, sir, now that I have kept faith + with you and secured the liberty of your son here? + +_Hegio_ + + Fecisti ut tibi, + Philocrates, numquam referre gratiam possim satis, + proinde ut tu promeritu’s de me et filio. + + After the way you have acted, Philocrates, I’m entirely + unable to show gratitude enough for your treatment of me and + my son. + +_Philop._ + + Immo potes, + pater, et poteris et ego potero, et di eam potestatem dabunt + ut beneficium bene merenti nostro merito muneres; + sicut tu huic[26] potes, pater mi, facere merito maxume. + + No, no, you are able, father, yes, and always will be able, + and so shall I be, and Heaven will give you the ability to + do a deserved kindness to a man that has been so kind to us. + It’s just as with this slave here, (_pointing to Stalagmus_) + father dear; you’re able to give him his full deserts. + +_Hegio_ + + Quid opust verbis? lingua nullast qua negem quidquid roges. + + (_to Philocrates_) It’s plain enough, sir,--I have no tongue + with which to refuse a request of yours. + +_Philocr._ + + Postulo abs te, ut mi illum reddas servom, quem hic reliqueram + pignus pro me, qui mihi melior quam sibi semper fuit, + pro bene factis eius ut ei pretium possim reddere. 940 + + What I ask you to do is to give me back the slave I + left here as security for myself--he was always ready to + sacrifice himself for me!--so that I can reward him for his + kindnesses. + +_Hegio_ + + Quod bene fecisti referetur gratia id quod postulas; + et id et aliud, quod me orabis, impetrabis. atque te + nolim suscensere quod ego iratus ei feci male. + + You have been kind to us, sir, and I shall be glad to do as + you ask; both that request, and any other, will be granted. + (_embarrassed_) And--and I trust you won’t be incensed at me + for getting angry and treating him badly. + +_Philocr._ + + Quid fecisti? + + (_anxiously_) What did you do? + +_Hegio_ + + In lapicidinas compeditum condidi, + ubi rescivi mihi data esse verba. + + I had him fettered and put down in the stone quarries when I + found out I had been imposed upon. + +_Philocr._ + + Vae misero mihi, + propter meum caput labores homini evenisse optumo. + + God forgive me! To think of the splendid fellow suffering + so, and all for my sake! + +_Hegio_ + + At ob eam rem mihi libellam pro eo argenti ne duis. + gratiis a me, ut sit liber, ducito. + + Well, sir, this being so, you needn’t give me a single + farthing for him: take him from me gratis--he is a free man. + +_Philocr._ + + Edepol, Hegio. + facis benigne. sed quaeso, hominem ut iubeas arcessi. + + Well, well, Hegio, many thanks! But have him sent for, I beg + you. + +_Hegio_ + + Licet. + ubi estis vos? ite actutum Tyndarum huc arcessite, 950 + vos ite intro. interibi ego ex hac statua verberea volo + erogitare, meo minore quid sit factum filio. + vos lavate interibi. + + By all means (_calling to slaves in house_) Where are you? + [ENTER OVERSEERS] Quick! go bring Tyndarus here. [EXEUNT + OVERSEERS] (_to Philopolemus and Philocrates_) As for you + lads, step inside. Meanwhile I want to inquire of this + whipping post here (_pointing to Stalagmus_) what was done + with my younger son. You can take a bath meanwhile. + +_Philop._ + + Sequere hac. Philocrates, me intro. + + Come along in with me, Philocrates. + +_Philocr._ + + Sequor. + + Certainly. [EXEUNT. + + +V. 2. + + Scene 2. + +_Hegio_ + + Age tu illuc procede. bone vir, lepidum mancupium meum. + + (_to Stalagmus_) Come now, you! Over there with you, + (_pointing_) my good sir, my charming piece of property. + +_Stal._ + + Quid me oportet facere, ubi tu talis vir falsum autumas? + fui ego bellus, lepidus. bonus vir numquam, neque frugi bonae, + neque ero umquam, ne erres: spem ponas me bonae frugi fore. + + (_sullenly_) What can you look for from me, when a fine + gentleman like you tells lies? I’ve had my day as a dandy, a + charmer; a good sir, or good for anything, I never was, and + I never will be, make no mistake, don’t you build up hopes I + will be good for anything. + +_Hegio_ + + Propemodum ubi loci fortunae tuae sint facile intellegis. + si eris verax, tua ex re, facies ex mala meliusculam. + recte et vera loquere, sed neque vere neque tu recte adhuc 960 + fecisti umquam. + + You have no difficulty in appreciating your position pretty + fairly well. Now be truthful, and you’ll be acting to your + own advantage and make a bad prospect somewhat better. Out + with your story, make it straightforward and honest--virtues + you have never displayed hitherto, however. + +_Stal._ + + Quod ego fatear, credin pudeat cum autumes? + + When I’m ready to admit a thing myself d’ye think I should + be ashamed of it just because you say it’s so? + +_Hegio_ + + At ego faciam ut pudeat, nam in ruborem te totum dabo. + + I’ll make you ashamed, though: (_savagely_) I tell you what, + I’ll make one big blush of you. + +_Stal._ + + Eia, credo ego imperito plagas minitaris mihi. + tandem ista aufer ac dic quid fers, ut feras hinc quod petis. + + (_ironically_) La! La! I’m promised a whipping, it seems, + and I such a novice at it--oh, yes I am! Look here, get done + with that talk and say what you’ve got to propose, so as to + get what you’re after. + +_Hegio_ + + Satis facundu’s. sed iam fieri dicta compendi volo. + + Quite a gift of tongue, sir! But oblige me by saving some of + it for the moment. + +_Stal._ + + Ut vis fiat. + + Anything you like. + +_Hegio_ + + Bene morigerus fuit puer, nunc non decet. + hoc agamus. iam animum advorte ac mihi quae dicam edissere.[27] (967) + + (_half aside_) That compliance he showed as a boy hardly + becomes him at present. (_aloud_) To business! Now then, + pay attention and answer me fully. + +_Stal._ + + Nugae istaec sunt. non me censes scire quid dignus siem? (969) + + Rot! Don’t you suppose I know what I deserve? + +_Hegio_ + + At ea subterfugere potis es pauca, si non omnia. 970 + + Well, you have a chance to escape a little of it, if not all. + +_Stal._ + + Pauca effugiam, scio; nam multa evenient, et merito meo, + quia et fugi et tibi surripui filium et eum vendidi. + + Little enough I’ll escape, I know that; for there’ll be + plenty coming, and it serves me right, seeing I ran away + and kidnapped your son and sold him. + +_Hegio_ + + Cui homini? + + To whom? + +_Stal._ + + Theodoromedi in Alide Polyplusio, + sex minis. + + (_drawling_) Theodoromedes Goldfields, in Elis, for + twenty-four pounds. + +_Hegio_ + + Pro di immortales, is quidem huius est pater Philocrati. + + God bless my soul! Why, he is the father of Philocrates + here! + +_Stal._ + + Quin melius novi quam tu et vidi saepius. + + Well, I know him better than you, and I’ve seen him oftener. + +_Hegio_ + + Serva, Iuppiter supreme, et me et meum gnatum mihi. + Philocrates, per tuom te genium obsecro, exi, te volo. + + God Almighty, save me and save my boy for me! (_running to + door and shouting_) Philocrates! Here, here, come, on your + life! I want you! + + +V. 3. + + Scene 3. + + ENTER _Philocrates_. + +_Philocr_ + + Hegio, assum. si quid me vis, impera. + + Here I am, Hegio. If I can be of any service, command me. + +_Hegio_ + + Hic gnatum meum + tuo patri ait se vendidisse sex minis in Alide. + + (_beside himself_) This fellow says my son--he sold him to + your father--for twenty-four pounds--in Elis! + +_Philocr._ + + Quam diu id factum est? + + How long ago was this? + +_Stal._ + + His annus incipit vicensimus. 980 + + Going on for twenty years. + +_Philocr._ + + Falsa memorat. + + He’s lying. + +_Stal._ + + Aut ego aut tu. nam tibi quadrimulum + tuos pater peculiarem parvolo puero dedit. + + (_indifferent_) One of us is. As a matter of fact, your + father gave you a little four year old boy for your own, + when you were nothing but a youngster yourself. + +_Philocr._ + + Quid erat ei nomen? si vera dicis, memoradum mihi. + + (interested) What was his name? If your story is true, come, + tell me that. + +_Stal._ + + Paegnium vocitatust, post vos indidistis Tyndaro. + + Styled Pettie, he was: later on you folks called him + Tyndarus. + +_Philocr._ + + Cur ego te non novi? + + How is it I don’t know you? + +_Stal._ + + Quia mos est oblivisci hominibus + neque novisse cuius nihili sit faciunda gratia. + + Because it’s the regular thing to forget a fellow and cut + him, in case his good will can’t help you at all. + +_Philocr._ + + Dic mihi, isne istic fuit, quem vendidisti meo patri, + qui mihi peculiaris datus est? + + Tell me, was that boy you sold my father the same one that + was given me for my own? + +_Stal._ + + Huius filius. + + (_with a nod in Hegio’s direction_) His son. + +_Hegio_ + + Vivitne is homo? + + (_eagerly_) Is he alive, this--man? + +_Stal._ + + Argentum accepi, nil curavi ceterum. + + I got the money: that’s all I bothered about. + +_Hegio_ + + Quid tu ais? + + (_to Philocrates_) What do you say? + +_Philocr._ + + Quin istic ipsust Tyndarus tuos filius, 990 + ut quidem hic argumenta loquitur. nam is mecum a puero puer + bene pudiceque educatust usque ad adulescentiam. + + Why, it’s Tyndarus himself that is your son, at least + according to this fellow’s evidence. For Tyndarus has been + brought up with me from the time we were boys, and brought + up in good honest fashion. + +_Hegio_ + + Et miser sum et fortunatus, si vos vera dicitis; + eo miser sum quia male illi feci, si gnatust meus. + eheu, quom ego plus minusve feci quam me aequom fuit. + quod male feci crucior; modo si infectum fieri possiet. + sed eccum incedit huc ornatus haud ex suis virtutibus. + + I feel miserable and happy both, if what you two say is + true! Miserable at having been so hard on him, if he is my + own boy! Dear, dear! how much more I’ve done than I ought, + or how much less! It’s torment, to think of the horrible + thing I’ve done--oh, if it could only be undone! (_looking + down street_) Look, though,--there he comes! To be decked + out like that, the noble fellow! + + +V. 4. + + Scene 4. + + ENTER _Tyndarus_ ESCORTED BY OVERSEERS. HE IS HEAVILY IRONED + AND CARRIES A CROWBAR. + +_Tynd._ + + Vidi ego multa saepe picta, quae Acherunti fierent + cruciamenta, verum enim vero nulla adaeque est Acheruns + atque ubi ego fui, in lapicidinis. illic ibi demumst locus, 1000 + ubi labore lassitudo est exigunda ex corpore. + + (_dryly_) I have seen a good many pictures whose subject was + torture in Hell: but upon my soul, there is no hell that can + match those stone quarries where I’ve been. That place down + there is certainly the one where a weary man can be dead + sure of working off his tired feeling. + + nam ubi illo adveni, quasi patricus pueris aut monerulae, + aut anites aut coturnices dantur, quicum lusitent + itidem mi haec advenienti upupa, qui me delectem, datast + sed erus eccum ante ostium, et erus alter eccum ex Alide + rediit. + + Why, when I got there it was just like your young scions + of the nobility being given daws or ducks or quails for + playfellows: my own case exactly--the moment I arrived they + gave me this crow to have a lark with. (_looking toward + Hegio’s house_) But there’s my master in front of the door-- + and, yes, my other master back from Elis! + +_Hegio_ + + Salve, exoptate gnate mi. + + Oh, how are you, my own longed-for son? + +_Tynd._ + + Hem, quid gnate mi? + attat. scio cur te patrem adsimules esse et me filium: + quia mi item ut parentes lucis das tuendi copiam. + + Eh? “My son?” How’s that? (_pauses, then with a weary + laugh_) Ah, yes, yes, I see the point of your father and + son chaff: just as parents do, you give me a chance to + behold the light of day. + +_Philocr._ + + Salve, Tyndare. + + God bless you, Tyndarus! + +_Tynd._ + + Et tu, quoius causa hanc aerumnam exigo. + + And you, sir, for whose sake I’m undergoing this confounded + experience. + +_Philocr._ + + At nunc liber in divitias faxo venies. nam tibi 1010 + pater hic est; hic servos, qui te huic hinc quadrimum surpuit. + vendidit patri meo te sex minis, is te mihi + parvolum peculiarem parvolo puero dedit: + illic indicium fecit; nam hunc ex Alide huc reduximus. + + But now you shall be a free man, Tyndarus, and a rich one, + I promise you. For here is (_indicating Hegio_) your father; + this slave (_indicating Stalagmus_) stole you away from him + here when you were four years old and sold you to my father + for twenty-four pounds. And when we were both small boys, + father gave you to me for my own. That fellow there has + proved it all; you see we brought him back here from Elis. + +_Tynd._ + + Quid huius filium? + + (_dazed_) What about his son? + +_Philocr._ + + Intus eccum fratrem germanum tuom.[28] (1015) + + Look--inside there--your own brother! + +_Tynd._ + + Nunc edepol demum in memoriam regredior, audisse me (1023) + quasi per nebulam, Hegionem meum patrem vocarier. + + Great heavens! When I think back I do now at last remember + hearing--in a cloudy sort of way--my father called Hegio! + +_Hegio_ + + Is ego sum. + + (_embracing him_) I am that Hegio! + +_Philocr._ + + Compedibus quaeso ut tibi sit levior filius + atque huic gravior servos. + + (_to Hegio, pointing to the shackles on Tyndarus_). Those + irons, sir,--for mercy’s sake get yourself a lighter son, + and him a heavier slave. (_indicating Stalagmus_) + +_Hegio_ + + Certum est principio id praevortier. + eamus intro, ut arcessatur faber, ut istas compedes + tibi adimam, huic dem. + + Yes, yes, I must see to that first of all. Let’s go inside + and have a blacksmith sent for, so that I may get those + irons off of you and make this fellow (_turning to + Stalagmus_) a present of them. + +_Stal._ + + Quoi peculi nihil est, recte feceris. + + Thanks awfully--seeing I haven’t a thing I can call my own. + [EXEUNT OMNES. + + + + +CATERVA + + EPILOGUE + + SPOKEN BY THE COMPANY. + + Spectatores, ad pudicos mores facta haec fabula est, + neque in hac subigitationes sunt neque ulla amatio 1030 + nec pueri suppositio nec argenti circumductio, + neque ubi amans adulescens scortum liberet clam suom patrem. + + Spectators, this play was composed with due regard to the + proprieties: here you have no vicious intrigues, no love + affair, no supposititious child, no getting money on false + pretences, no young spark setting a wench free without his + father’s knowledge. + + huius modi paucas poetae reperiunt comoedias, + ubi boni meliores fiant. nunc vos, si vobis placet + et si placuimus neque odio fuimus, signum hoc mittite: + qui pudicitiae esse voltis praemium, plausum date. + + Dramatists find few plays such as this which make good men + better. Now, if you so please, and if we have pleased you + and have not been boring, intimate as much: you who wish + virtue to be rewarded, give us your applause. + + * * * * * + + [Footnote 1: Corrupt (Leo): _vincti quia astant_ Fleckeisen.] + + [Footnote 2: Leo notes lacuna here: + _(cette), iam hoc tenetis_ Schoell.] + + [Footnote 3: _vel_ precedes in MSS: Leo brackets.] + + [Footnote 4: Leo notes lacuna here: _cupio (fieri)_ Schoell.] + + [Footnote 5: Leo’s correction of _multa miraclitis_ of the MSS.] + + [Footnote 6: Corrupt (Leo): _ea_ MSS: _consili_ Schoell.] + + [Footnote 7: Leo brackets the following v., 237: + _quod tibi suadeam, suadeam meo patri._] + + [Footnote 8: Leo notes lacuna here: _huius (ille)_ Camerarius.] + + [Footnote 9: Leo brackets the following v., 280: + + Hegio + _Tum igitur ei cum in Aleis tanta gratia est, ut praedicas._] + + [Footnote 10: Leo brackets the following v., 288: + _nam ille quidem Theodoromedes fuit germano nomine._] + + [Footnote 11: Leo brackets the following v., 324: + + Hegio + _Ego virtute deum et maiorum nostrum dives sum satis._] + + [Footnote 12: Corrupt (Leo): _quin te gratiis_ MSS: + _gratiis quin te_ Schoell.] + + [Footnote 13: Leo brackets the following v., 438: + _scito te hinc minis viginti aestumatum mittier._] + + [Footnote 14: Corrupt (Leo): _exitium_ Pontanus: _exilium_ MSS.] + + [Footnote 15: Leo brackets the following v., 521: + _nec sycophantiis nec fucis ullum mantellum obviam est._] + + [Footnote 16: Corrupt (Leo): _qui venit modo intro_ MSS: + _modo qui venit intro_ Lindsay.] + + [Footnote 17: Leo notes lacuna here: _manicas (maxumas)_ Spengel.] + + [Footnote 18: Leo notes lacuna here: _ut (etiam)_ Schoell.] + + [Footnote 19: Leo notes lacuna here: _mihi (quod domist)_ Schoell.] + + [Footnote 20: Leo brackets the following v., 801: + _Qui mihi in cursu opstiterit, faxo vitae is extemplo + opstiterit suae._] + + [The man that stands in my path shall forthwith stand in the + way of his own existence.] + + [Footnote 21: _Noli irascier_ follows in MSS: Leo brackets.] + + [Footnote 22: Corrupt (Leo): _laridum ac pernas_ Schoell.] + + [Footnote 23: Corrupt (Leo): _pern[ul]am_ Geppert.] + + [Footnote 24: _voltus esurientis (vidi, eius extimescebam)_ Leo: + A reading doubtful: other MSS omit the line.] + + [Footnote 25: Corrupt (Leo): _te carens dum hic_ P: + _carens dum huc_ A.] + + [Footnote 26: _tu huic_ MSS: _nunc_ Leo.] + + [Footnote 27: Leo brackets the following v., 968: + _si eris verax, ex tuis rebus feceris meliusculas._] + + [Footnote 28: Leo brackets the following v., 1016-1022: + + Tynd. + _Quid tu ais? adduatin illum huius captivom filium?_ + Philocr. + _Quin, inquam, intus hic est._ + Tynd. + _Fecisti edepol et recte et bene._ + Philocr. + _Nunc tibi pater hic est. hic fur est tuos, qui parvom hinc + te abstulit._ + Tynd. + _At ego hunc grandis grandem natu ob furtum ad carnificem dabo._ + Philocr. + _Meritus est_ + Tynd. + _Ergo edepol merito meritam mercedem dabo._ 1020 + _sed tu dic oro. pater meus tune es?_ + Hegio. + _Ego sum, gnate mi._ + Tynd. + _Nunc demum in memoriam redeo, cum mecum recogito._] + + [_Tynd._ + What do you say? Did you bring this gentleman’s captive son? + _Philocr._ + Yes, yes, he’s inside, I tell you. + _Tynd._ + By heaven, sir, you have acted fairly and honourably. + _Philocr._ + Now here is your father: and here is the thief who stole you + away from here when you were small. + _Tynd._ + But now that we’re both big, I’ll hand him over to the + executioner for that theft. + _Philocr._ + He deserves it. + _Tynd._ + Well then, I’ll give him his deserved deserts deservedly, by + gad! But you, sir, speak I beseech you. Are you my father? + _Hegio_ + I am, my dear lad. + _Tynd._ + Now at last I remember--when I think it over.] + + * * * * * + +[Transcriber’s Corrections: _Captivi_ (_The Captives_) + + Personae: + ERGASILVS PARASITUS... + spelling unchanged, as in _Amphitryon_ ] + + I. 1. + ...have dubbed me Missy, on the ground that... + text reads _on the gound_ + + II. 2. + Now the old fellow is in the barber’s chair + text reads _barbar’s chair_ ] + + * * * * * + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Amphitryo, Asinaria, Aulularia, +Bacchides, Captivi, by Plautus Titus Maccius + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK WORKS OF PLAUTUS *** + +***** This file should be named 16564-0.txt or 16564-0.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/6/5/6/16564/ + +Produced by Ted Garvin, Louise Hope and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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