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diff --git a/1755.txt b/1755.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..9119a15 --- /dev/null +++ b/1755.txt @@ -0,0 +1,3328 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Ivanoff, by Anton Checkov + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Ivanoff + A Play + +Author: Anton Checkov + +Posting Date: November 23, 2008 [EBook #1755] +Release Date: May, 1999 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK IVANOFF *** + + + + +Produced by An Anonymous Volunteer + + + + + +IVANOFF + +A PLAY + +By Anton Checkov + + + + +CHARACTERS + +NICHOLAS IVANOFF, perpetual member of the Council of Peasant Affairs + +ANNA, his wife. Nee Sarah Abramson + +MATTHEW SHABELSKI, a count, uncle of Ivanoff + +PAUL LEBEDIEFF, President of the Board of the Zemstvo + +ZINAIDA, his wife + +SASHA, their daughter, twenty years old + +LVOFF, a young government doctor + +MARTHA BABAKINA, a young widow, owner of an estate and daughter of a +rich merchant + +KOSICH, an exciseman + +MICHAEL BORKIN, a distant relative of Ivanoff, and manager of his estate + +AVDOTIA NAZAROVNA, an old woman + +GEORGE, lives with the Lebedieffs + +FIRST GUEST + +SECOND GUEST + +THIRD GUEST + +FOURTH GUEST + +PETER, a servant of Ivanoff + +GABRIEL, a servant of Lebedieff + +GUESTS OF BOTH SEXES + +The play takes place in one of the provinces of central Russia + + + + +IVANOFF + + + + +ACT I + +The garden of IVANOFF'S country place. On the left is a terrace and the +facade of the house. One window is open. Below the terrace is a broad +semicircular lawn, from which paths lead to right and left into a +garden. On the right are several garden benches and tables. A lamp is +burning on one of the tables. It is evening. As the curtain rises sounds +of the piano and violoncello are heard. + +IVANOFF is sitting at a table reading. + +BORKIN, in top-boots and carrying a gun, comes in from the rear of the +garden. He is a little tipsy. As he sees IVANOFF he comes toward him on +tiptoe, and when he comes opposite him he stops and points the gun at +his face. + +IVANOFF. [Catches sight of BORKIN. Shudders and jumps to his feet] +Misha! What are you doing? You frightened me! I can't stand your stupid +jokes when I am so nervous as this. And having frightened me, you laugh! +[He sits down.] + +BORKIN. [Laughing loudly] There, I am sorry, really. I won't do it +again. Indeed I won't. [Take off his cap] How hot it is! Just think, my +dear boy, I have covered twelve miles in the last three hours. I am worn +out. Just feel how my heart is beating. + + +IVANOFF. [Goes on reading] Oh, very well. I shall feel it later! + +BORKIN. No, feel it now. [He takes IVANOFF'S hand and presses it against +his breast] Can you feel it thumping? That means that it is weak and +that I may die suddenly at any moment. Would you be sorry if I died? + +IVANOFF. I am reading now. I shall attend to you later. + +BORKIN. No, seriously, would you be sorry if I died? Nicholas, would you +be sorry if I died? + +IVANOFF. Leave me alone! + +BORKIN. Come, tell me if you would be sorry or not. + +IVANOFF. I am sorry that you smell so of vodka, Misha, it is disgusting. + +BORKIN. Do I smell of vodka? How strange! And yet, it is not so strange +after all. I met the magistrate on the road, and I must admit that we +did drink about eight glasses together. Strictly speaking, of course, +drinking is very harmful. Listen, it is harmful, isn't it? Is it? Is it? + +IVANOFF. This is unendurable! Let me warn you, Misha, that you are going +too far. + +BORKIN. Well, well, excuse me. Sit here by yourself then, for heaven's +sake, if it amuses you. [Gets up and goes away] What extraordinary +people one meets in the world. They won't even allow themselves to be +spoken to. [He comes back] Oh, yes, I nearly forgot. Please let me have +eighty-two roubles. + +IVANOFF. Why do you want eighty-two roubles? + +BORKIN. To pay the workmen to-morrow. + +IVANOFF. I haven't the money. + +BORKIN. Many thanks. [Angrily] So you haven't the money! And yet the +workmen must be paid, mustn't they? + +IVANOFF. I don't know. Wait till my salary comes in on the first of the +month. + +BORKIN. How is it possible to discuss anything with a man like you? +Can't you understand that the workmen are coming to-morrow morning and +not on the first of the month? + +IVANOFF. How can I help it? I'll be hanged if I can do anything about it +now. And what do you mean by this irritating way you have of pestering +me whenever I am trying to read or write or---- + +BORKIN. Must the workmen be paid or not, I ask you? But, good gracious! +What is the use of talking to you! [Waves his hand] Do you think +because you own an estate you can command the whole world? With your +two thousand acres and your empty pockets you are like a man who has a +cellar full of wine and no corkscrew. I have sold the oats as they +stand in the field. Yes, sir! And to-morrow I shall sell the rye and +the carriage horses. [He stamps up and down] Do you think I am going +to stand upon ceremony with you? Certainly not! I am not that kind of a +man! + +ANNA appears at the open window. + +ANNA. Whose voice did I hear just now? Was it yours, Misha? Why are you +stamping up and down? + +BORKIN. Anybody who had anything to do with your Nicholas would stamp up +and down. + +ANNA. Listen, Misha! Please have some hay carried onto the croquet lawn. + +BORKIN. [Waves his hand] Leave me alone, please! + +ANNA. Oh, what manners! They are not becoming to you at all. If you want +to be liked by women you must never let them see you when you are angry +or obstinate. [To her husband] Nicholas, let us go and play on the lawn +in the hay! + +IVANOFF. Don't you know it is bad for you to stand at the open window, +Annie? [Calls] Shut the window, Uncle! + +[The window is shut from the inside.] + +BORKIN. Don't forget that the interest on the money you owe Lebedieff +must be paid in two days. + +IVANOFF. I haven't forgotten it. I am going over to see Lebedieff today +and shall ask him to wait. + +[He looks at his watch.] + +BORKIN. When are you going? + +IVANOFF. At once. + +BORKIN. Wait! Wait! Isn't this Sasha's birthday? So it is! The idea of +my forgetting it. What a memory I have. [Jumps about] I shall go with +you! [Sings] I shall go, I shall go! Nicholas, old man, you are the joy +of my life. If you were not always so nervous and cross and gloomy, you +and I could do great things together. I would do anything for you. Shall +I marry Martha Babakina and give you half her fortune? That is, not +half, either, but all--take it all! + +IVANOFF. Enough of this nonsense! + +BORKIN. No, seriously, shan't I marry Martha and halve the money with +you? But no, why should I propose it? How can you understand? [Angrily] +You say to me: "Stop talking nonsense!" You are a good man and a +clever one, but you haven't any red blood in your veins or any--well, +enthusiasm. Why, if you wanted to, you and I could cut a dash together +that would shame the devil himself. If you were a normal man instead of +a morbid hypochondriac we would have a million in a year. For instance, +if I had twenty-three hundred roubles now I could make twenty thousand +in two weeks. You don't believe me? You think it is all nonsense? No, +it isn't nonsense. Give me twenty-three hundred roubles and let me try. +Ofsianoff is selling a strip of land across the river for that price. +If we buy this, both banks will be ours, and we shall have the right to +build a dam across the river. Isn't that so? We can say that we intend +to build a mill, and when the people on the river below us hear that +we mean to dam the river they will, of course, object violently and we +shall say: If you don't want a dam here you will have to pay to get us +away. Do you see the result? The factory would give us five thousand +roubles, Korolkoff three thousand, the monastery five thousand more-- + +IVANOFF. All that is simply idiotic, Misha. If you don't want me to lose +my temper you must keep your schemes to yourself. + +BORKIN. [Sits down at the table] Of course! I knew how it would be! You +never will act for yourself, and you tie my hands so that I am helpless. + +Enter SHABELSKI and LVOFF. + +SHABELSKI. The only difference between lawyers and doctors is that +lawyers simply rob you, whereas doctors both rob you and kill you. I am +not referring to any one present. [Sits down on the bench] They are all +frauds and swindlers. Perhaps in Arcadia you might find an exception to +the general rule and yet--I have treated thousands of sick people myself +in my life, and I have never met a doctor who did not seem to me to be +an unmistakable scoundrel. + +BORKIN. [To IVANOFF] Yes, you tie my hands and never do anything for +yourself, and that is why you have no money. + +SHABELSKI. As I said before, I am not referring to any one here at +present; there may be exceptions though, after all--[He yawns.] + +IVANOFF. [Shuts his book] What have you to tell me, doctor? + +LVOFF. [Looks toward the window] Exactly what I said this morning: she +must go to the Crimea at once. [Walks up and down.] + +SHABELSKI. [Bursts out laughing] To the Crimea! Why don't you and I set +up as doctors, Misha? Then, if some Madame Angot or Ophelia finds the +world tiresome and begins to cough and be consumptive, all we shall +have to do will be to write out a prescription according to the laws of +medicine: that is, first, we shall order her a young doctor, and then a +journey to the Crimea. There some fascinating young Tartar---- + +IVANOFF. [Interrupting] Oh, don't be coarse! [To LVOFF] It takes money +to go to the Crimea, and even if I could afford it, you know she has +refused to go. + +LVOFF. Yes, she has. [A pause.] + +BORKIN. Look here, doctor, is Anna really so ill that she absolutely +must go to the Crimea? + +LVOFF. [Looking toward the window] Yes, she has consumption. + +BORKIN. Whew! How sad! I have seen in her face for some time that she +could not last much longer. + +LVOFF. Can't you speak quietly? She can hear everything you say. [A +pause.] + +BORKIN. [Sighing] The life of man is like a flower, blooming so gaily in +a field. Then, along comes a goat, he eats it, and the flower is gone! + +SHABELSKI. Oh, nonsense, nonsense. [Yawning] Everything is a fraud and a +swindle. [A pause.] + +BORKIN. Gentlemen, I have been trying to tell Nicholas how he can make +some money, and have submitted a brilliant plan to him, but my seed, +as usual, has fallen on barren soil. Look what a sight he is now: dull, +cross, bored, peevish---- + +SHABELSKI. [Gets up and stretches himself] You are always inventing +schemes for everybody, you clever fellow, and telling them how to live; +can't you tell me something? Give me some good advice, you ingenious +young man. Show me a good move to make. + +BORKIN. [Getting up] I am going to have a swim. Goodbye, gentlemen. [To +Shabelski] There are at least twenty good moves you could make. If I +were you I should have twenty thousand roubles in a week. + +[He goes out; SHABELSKI follows him.] + +SHABELSKI. How would you do it? Come, explain. + +BORKIN. There is nothing to explain, it is so simple. [Coming back] +Nicholas, give me a rouble. + +IVANOFF silently hands him the money + +BORKIN. Thanks. Shabelski, you still hold some trump cards. + +SHABELSKI follows him out. + +SHABELSKI. Well, what are they? + +BORKIN. If I were you I should have thirty thousand roubles and more in +a week. [They go out together.] + +IVANOFF. [After a pause] Useless people, useless talk, and the necessity +of answering stupid questions, have wearied me so, doctor, that I am +ill. I have become so irritable and bitter that I don't know myself. +My head aches for days at a time. I hear a ringing in my ears, I can't +sleep, and yet there is no escape from it all, absolutely none. + +LVOFF. Ivanoff, I have something serious to speak to you about. + +IVANOFF. What is it? + +LVOFF. It is about your wife. She refuses to go to the Crimea alone, but +she would go with you. + +IVANOFF. [Thoughtfully] It would cost a great deal for us both to go, +and besides, I could not get leave to be away for so long. I have had +one holiday already this year. + +LVOFF. Very well, let us admit that. Now to proceed. The best cure for +consumption is absolute peace of mind, and your wife has none whatever. +She is forever excited by your behaviour to her. Forgive me, I am +excited and am going to speak frankly. Your treatment of her is killing +her. [A pause] Ivanoff, let me believe better things of you. + +IVANOFF. What you say is true, true. I must be terribly guilty, but my +mind is confused. My will seems to be paralysed by a kind of stupor; I +can't understand myself or any one else. [Looks toward the window] Come, +let us take a walk, we might be overheard here. [They get up] My dear +friend, you should hear the whole story from the beginning if it were +not so long and complicated that to tell it would take all night. [They +walk up and down] Anna is a splendid, an exceptional woman. She has left +her faith, her parents and her fortune for my sake. If I should demand +a hundred other sacrifices, she would consent to every one without the +quiver of an eyelid. Well, I am not a remarkable man in any way, and +have sacrificed nothing. However, the story is a long one. In short, the +whole point is, my dear doctor--[Confused] that I married her for love +and promised to love her forever, and now after five years she loves me +still and I--[He waves his hand] Now, when you tell me she is dying, I +feel neither love nor pity, only a sort of loneliness and weariness. To +all appearances this must seem horrible, and I cannot understand myself +what is happening to me. [They go out.] + +SHABELSKI comes in. + +SHABELSKI. [Laughing] Upon my word, that man is no scoundrel, but a +great thinker, a master-mind. He deserves a memorial. He is the essence +of modern ingenuity, and combines in himself alone the genius of the +lawyer, the doctor, and the financier. [He sits down on the lowest step +of the terrace] And yet he has never finished a course of studies in any +college; that is so surprising. What an ideal scoundrel he would have +made if he had acquired a little culture and mastered the sciences! "You +could make twenty thousand roubles in a week," he said. "You still hold +the ace of trumps: it is your title." [Laughing] He said I might get +a rich girl to marry me for it! [ANNA opens the window and looks down] +"Let me make a match between you and Martha," says he. Who is this +Martha? It must be that Balabalkina--Babakalkina woman, the one that +looks like a laundress. + +ANNA. Is that you, Count? + +SHABELSKI. What do you want? + +ANNA laughs. + +SHABELSKI. [With a Jewish accent] Vy do you laugh? + +ANNA. I was thinking of something you said at dinner, do you remember? +How was it--a forgiven thief, a doctored horse. + +SHABELSKI. A forgiven thief, a doctored horse, and a Christianised Jew +are all worth the same price. + +ANNA. [Laughing] You can't even repeat the simplest saying without +ill-nature. You are a most malicious old man. [Seriously] Seriously, +Count you are extremely disagreeable, and very tiresome and painful to +live with. You are always grumbling and growling, and everybody to you +is a blackguard and a scoundrel. Tell me honestly, Count, have you ever +spoken well of any one? + +SHABELSKI. Is this an inquisition? + +ANNA. We have lived under this same roof now for five years, and I +have never heard you speak kindly of people, or without bitterness and +derision. What harm has the world done to you? Is it possible that you +consider yourself better than any one else? + +SHABELSKI. Not at all. I think we are all of us scoundrels and +hypocrites. I myself am a degraded old man, and as useless as a cast-off +shoe. I abuse myself as much as any one else. I was rich once, and free, +and happy at times, but now I am a dependent, an object of charity, a +joke to the world. When I am at last exasperated and defy them, they +answer me with a laugh. When I laugh, they shake their heads sadly and +say, "The old man has gone mad." But oftenest of all I am unheard and +unnoticed by every one. + +ANNA. [Quietly] Screaming again. + +SHABELSKI. Who is screaming? + +ANNA. The owl. It screams every evening. + +SHABELSKI. Let it scream. Things are as bad as they can be already. +[Stretches himself] Alas, my dear Sarah! If I could only win a thousand +or two roubles, I should soon show you what I could do. I wish you +could see me! I should get away out of this hole, and leave the bread of +charity, and should not show my nose here again until the last judgment +day. + +ANNA. What would you do if you were to win so much money? + +SHABELSKI. [Thoughtfully] First I would go to Moscow to hear the Gipsies +play, and then--then I should fly to Paris and take an apartment and go +to the Russian Church. + +ANNA. And what else? + +SHABELSKI. I would go and sit on my wife's grave for days and days and +think. I would sit there until I died. My wife is buried in Paris. [A +pause.] + +ANNA. How terribly dull this is! Shall we play a duet? + +SHABELSKI. As you like. Go and get the music ready. [ANNA goes out.] + +IVANOFF and LVOFF appear in one of the paths. + +IVANOFF. My dear friend, you left college last year, and you are still +young and brave. Being thirty-five years old I have the right to advise +you. Don't marry a Jewess or a bluestocking or a woman who is queer in +any way. Choose some nice, common-place girl without any strange and +startling points in her character. Plan your life for quiet; the greyer +and more monotonous you can make the background, the better. My dear +boy, do not try to fight alone against thousands; do not tilt with +windmills; do not dash yourself against the rocks. And, above all, +may you be spared the so-called rational life, all wild theories and +impassioned talk. Everything is in the hands of God, so shut yourself +up in your shell and do your best. That is the pleasant, honest, healthy +way to live. But the life I have chosen has been so tiring, oh, so +tiring! So full of mistakes, of injustice and stupidity! [Catches sight +of SHABELSKI, and speaks angrily] There you are again, Uncle, always +under foot, never letting one have a moment's quiet talk! + +SHABELSKI. [In a tearful voice] Is there no refuge anywhere for a poor +old devil like me? [He jumps up and runs into the house.] + +IVANOFF. Now I have offended him! Yes, my nerves have certainly gone to +pieces. I must do something about it, I must---- + +LVOFF. [Excitedly] Ivanoff, I have heard all you have to say and--and--I +am going to speak frankly. You have shown me in your voice and manner, +as well as in your words, the most heartless egotism and pitiless +cruelty. Your nearest friend is dying simply because she is near you, +her days are numbered, and you can feel such indifference that you go +about giving advice and analysing your feelings. I cannot say all I +should like to; I have not the gift of words, but--but I can at least +say that you are deeply antipathetic to me. + +IVANOFF. I suppose I am. As an onlooker, of course you see me more +clearly than I see myself, and your judgment of me is probably right. +No doubt I am terribly guilty. [Listens] I think I hear the carriage +coming. I must get ready to go. [He goes toward the house and then +stops] You dislike me, doctor, and you don't conceal it. Your sincerity +does you credit. [He goes into the house.] + +LVOFF. [Alone] What a confoundedly disagreeable character! I have let +another opportunity slip without speaking to him as I meant to, but I +simply cannot talk calmly to that man. The moment I open my mouth to +speak I feel such a commotion and suffocation here [He puts his hand on +his breast] that my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth. Oh, I loathe +that Tartuffe, that unmitigated rascal, with all my heart! There he is, +preparing to go driving in spite of the entreaties of his unfortunate +wife, who adores him and whose only happiness is his presence. She +implores him to spend at least one evening with her, and he cannot even +do that. Why, he might shoot himself in despair if he had to stay at +home! Poor fellow, what he wants are new fields for his villainous +schemes. Oh, I know why you go to Lebedieff's every evening, Ivanoff! I +know. + +Enter IVANOFF, in hat and coat, ANNA and SHABELSKI + +SHABELSKI. Look here, Nicholas, this is simply barbarous You go away +every evening and leave us here alone, and we get so bored that we have +to go to bed at eight o'clock. It is a scandal, and no decent way of +living. Why can you go driving if we can't? Why? + +ANNA. Leave him alone, Count. Let him go if he wants to. + +IVANOFF. How can a sick woman like you go anywhere? You know you have a +cough and must not go out after sunset. Ask the doctor here. You are no +child, Annie, you must be reasonable. And as for you, what would you do +with yourself over there? + +SHABELSKI. I am ready to go anywhere: into the jaws of a crocodile, or +even into the jaws of hell, so long as I don't have to stay here. I am +horribly bored. I am stupefied by this dullness. Every one here is tired +of me. You leave me at home to entertain Anna, but I feel more like +scratching and biting her. + +ANNA. Leave him alone, Count. Leave him alone. Let him go if he enjoys +himself there. + +IVANOFF. What does this mean, Annie? You know I am not going for +pleasure. I must see Lebedieff about the money I owe him. + +ANNA. I don't see why you need justify yourself to me. Go ahead! Who is +keeping you? + +IVANOFF. Heavens! Don't let us bite one another's heads off. Is that +really unavoidable? + +SHABELSKI. [Tearfully] Nicholas, my dear boy, do please take me with +you. I might possibly be amused a little by the sight of all the fools +and scoundrels I should see there. You know I haven't been off this +place since Easter. + +IVANOFF. [Exasperated] Oh, very well! Come along then! How tiresome you +all are! + +SHABELSKI. I may go? Oh, thank you! [Takes him gaily by the arm and +leads him aside] May I wear your straw hat? + +IVANOFF. You may, only hurry, please. + +SHABELSKI runs into the house. + +IVANOFF. How tired I am of you all! But no, what am I saying? Annie, my +manner to you is insufferable, and it never used to be. Well, good-bye, +Annie. I shall be back by one. + +ANNA. Nicholas! My dear husband, stay at home to-night! + +IVANOFF. [Excitedly] Darling, sweetheart, my dear, unhappy one, I +implore you to let me leave home in the evenings. I know it is cruel and +unjust to ask this, but let me do you this injustice. It is such torture +for me to stay. As soon as the sun goes down my soul is overwhelmed by +the most horrible despair. Don't ask me why; I don't know; I swear I +don't. This dreadful melancholy torments me here, it drives me to the +Lebedieff's and there it grows worse than ever. I rush home; it still +pursues me; and so I am tortured all through the night. It is breaking +my heart. + +ANNA. Nicholas, won't you stay? We will talk together as we used to. +We will have supper together and read afterward. The old grumbler and I +have learned so many duets to play to you. [She kisses him. Then, after +a pause] I can't understand you any more. This has been going on for a +year now. What has changed you so? + +IVANOFF. I don't know. + +ANNA. And why don't you want me to go driving with you in the evening? + +IVANOFF. As you insist on knowing, I shall have to tell you. It is a +little cruel, but you had best understand. When this melancholy fit is +on me I begin to dislike you, Annie, and at such times I must escape +from you. In short, I simply have to leave this house. + +ANNA. Oh, you are sad, are you? I can understand that! Nicholas, let +me tell you something: won't you try to sing and laugh and scold as you +used to? Stay here, and we will drink some liqueur together, and laugh, +and chase away this sadness of yours in no time. Shall I sing to you? Or +shall we sit in your study in the twilight as we used to, while you tell +me about your sadness? I can read such suffering in your eyes! Let +me look into them and weep, and our hearts will both be lighter. [She +laughs and cries at once] Or is it really true that the flowers return +with every spring, but lost happiness never returns? Oh, is it? Well, go +then, go! + +IVANOFF. Pray for me, Annie! [He goes; then stops and thinks for a +moment] No, I can't do it. [IVANOFF goes out.] + +ANNA. Yes, go, go--[Sits down at the table.] + +LVOFF. [Walking up and down] Make this a rule, Madam: as soon as the sun +goes down you must go indoors and not come out again until morning. The +damp evening air is bad for you. + +ANNA. Yes, sir! + +LVOFF. What do you mean by "Yes, sir"? I am speaking seriously. + +ANNA. But I don't want to be serious. [She coughs.] + +LVOFF. There now, you see, you are coughing already. + +SHABELSKI comes out of the house in his hat and coat. + +SHABELSKI. Where is Nicholas? Is the carriage here yet? [Goes quickly +to ANNA and kisses her hand] Good-night, my darling! [Makes a face and +speaks with a Jewish accent] I beg your bardon! [He goes quickly out.] + +LVOFF. Idiot! + +A pause; the sounds of a concertina are heard in the distance. + +ANNA. Oh, how lonely it is! The coachman and the cook are having a +little ball in there by themselves, and I--I am, as it were, abandoned. +Why are you walking about, Doctor? Come and sit down here. + +LVOFF. I can't sit down. + +[A pause.] + +ANNA. They are playing "The Sparrow" in the kitchen. [She sings] + + "Sparrow, Sparrow, where are you? + On the mountain drinking dew." + +[A pause] Are your father and mother living, Doctor? + +LVOFF. My mother is living; my father is dead. + +ANNA. Do you miss your mother very much? + +LVOFF. I am too busy to miss any one. + +ANNA. [Laughing] The flowers return with every spring, but lost +happiness never returns. I wonder who taught me that? I think it was +Nicholas himself. [Listens] The owl is hooting again. + +LVOFF. Well, let it hoot. + +ANNA. I have begun to think, Doctor, that fate has cheated me. Other +people who, perhaps, are no better than I am are happy and have not had +to pay for their happiness. But I have paid for it all, every moment of +it, and such a price! Why should I have to pay so terribly? Dear friend, +you are all too considerate and gentle with me to tell me the truth; but +do you think I don't know what is the matter with me? I know perfectly +well. However, this isn't a pleasant subject--[With a Jewish accent] "I +beg your bardon!" Can you tell funny stories? + +LVOFF. No, I can't. + +ANNA. Nicholas can. I am beginning to be surprised, too, at the +injustice of people. Why do they return hatred for love, and answer +truth with lies? Can you tell me how much longer I shall be hated by my +mother and father? They live fifty miles away, and yet I can feel their +hatred day and night, even in my sleep. And how do you account for the +sadness of Nicholas? He says that he only dislikes me in the evening, +when the fit is on him. I understand that, and can tolerate it, but +what if he should come to dislike me altogether? Of course that is +impossible, and yet--no, no, I mustn't even imagine such a thing. +[Sings] + + "Sparrow, Sparrow, where are you?" + +[She shudders] What fearful thoughts I have! You are not married, +Doctor; there are many things that you cannot understand. + +LVOFF. You say you are surprised, but--but it is you who surprise me. +Tell me, explain to me how you, an honest and intelligent woman, almost +a saint, could allow yourself to be so basely deceived and dragged into +this den of bears? Why are you here? What have you in common with such a +cold and heartless--but enough of your husband! What have you in common +with these wicked and vulgar surroundings? With that eternal grumbler, +the crazy and decrepit Count? With that swindler, that prince of +rascals, Misha, with his fool's face? Tell me, I say, how did you get +here? + +ANNA. [laughing] That is what he used to say, long ago, oh, exactly! +Only his eyes are larger than yours, and when he was excited they used +to shine like coals--go on, go on! + +LVOFF. [Gets up and waves his hand] There is nothing more to say. Go +into the house. + +ANNA. You say that Nicholas is not what he should be, that his faults +are so and so. How can you possibly understand him? How can you learn +to know any one in six months? He is a wonderful man, Doctor, and I am +sorry you could not have known him as he was two or three years ago. He +is depressed and silent now, and broods all day without doing anything, +but he was splendid then. I fell in love with him at first sight. +[Laughing] I gave one look and was caught like a mouse in a trap! So +when he asked me to go with him I cut every tie that bound me to my +old life as one snips the withered leaves from a plant. But things are +different now. Now he goes to the Lebedieff's to amuse himself with +other women, and I sit here in the garden and listen to the owls. [The +WATCHMAN'S rattle is heard] Tell me, Doctor, have you any brothers and +sisters? + +LVOFF. No. + +ANNA sobs. + +LVOFF. What is it? What is the matter? + +ANNA. I can't stand it, Doctor, I must go. + +LVOFF. Where? + +ANNA. To him. I am going. Have the horses harnessed. [She runs into the +house.] + +LVOFF. No, I certainly cannot go on treating any one under these +conditions. I not only have to do it for nothing, but I am forced to +endure this agony of mind besides. No, no, I can't stand it. I have had +enough of it. [He goes into the house.] + +The curtain falls. + + + + +ACT II + +The drawing-room of LEBEDIEFFOS house. In the centre is a door leading +into a garden. Doors open out of the room to the right and left. The +room is furnished with valuable old furniture, which is carefully +protected by linen covers. The walls are hung with pictures. The room is +lighted by candelabra. ZINAIDA is sitting on a sofa; the elderly guests +are sitting in arm-chairs on either hand. The young guests are sitting +about the room on small chairs. KOSICH, AVDOTIA NAZAROVNA, GEORGE, and +others are playing cards in the background. GABRIEL is standing near +the door on the right. The maid is passing sweetmeats about on a tray. +During the entire act guests come and go from the garden, through the +room, out of the door on the left, and back again. Enter MARTHA through +the door on the right. She goes toward ZINAIDA. + +ZINAIDA. [Gaily] My dearest Martha! + +MARTHA. How do you do, Zinaida? Let me congratulate you on your +daughter's birthday. + +ZINAIDA. Thank you, my dear; I am delighted to see you. How are you? + +MARTHA. Very well indeed, thank you. [She sits down on the sofa] Good +evening, young people! + +The younger guests get up and bow. + +FIRST GUEST. [Laughing] Young people indeed! Do you call yourself an old +person? + +MARTHA. [Sighing] How can I make any pretense to youth now? + +FIRST GUEST. What nonsense! The fact that you are a widow means nothing. +You could beat any pretty girl you chose at a canter. + +GABRIEL brings MARTHA some tea. + +ZINAIDA. Why do you bring the tea in like that? Go and fetch some jam to +eat with it! + +MARTHA. No thank you; none for me, don't trouble yourself. [A pause.] + +FIRST GUEST. [To MARTHA] Did you come through Mushkine on your way here? + +MARTHA. No, I came by way of Spassk. The road is better that way. + +FIRST GUEST. Yes, so it is. + +KOSICH. Two in spades. + +GEORGE. Pass. + +AVDOTIA. Pass. + +SECOND GUEST. Pass. + +MARTHA. The price of lottery tickets has gone up again, my dear. I have +never known such a state of affairs. The first issue is already worth +two hundred and seventy and the second nearly two hundred and fifty. +This has never happened before. + +ZINAIDA. How fortunate for those who have a great many tickets! + +MARTHA. Don't say that, dear; even when the price of tickets is high it +does not pay to put one's capital into them. + +ZINAIDA. Quite true, and yet, my dear, one never can tell what may +happen. Providence is sometimes kind. + +THIRD GUEST. My impression is, ladies, that at present capital +is exceedingly unproductive. Shares pay very small dividends, and +speculating is exceedingly dangerous. As I understand it, the capitalist +now finds himself in a more critical position than the man who---- + +MARTHA. Quite right. + +FIRST GUEST yawns. + +MARTHA. How dare you yawn in the presence of ladies? + +FIRST GUEST. I beg your pardon! It was quite an accident. + +ZINAIDA gets up and goes out through the door on the right. + +GEORGE. Two in hearts. + +SECOND GUEST. Pass. + +KOSICH. Pass. + +MARTHA. [Aside] Heavens! This is deadly! I shall die of ennui. + +Enter ZINAIDA and LEBEDIEFF through the door on the right. + +ZINAIDA. Why do you go off by yourself like a prima donna? Come and sit +with our guests! + +[She sits down in her former place.] + +LEBEDIEFF. [Yawning] Oh, dear, our sins are heavy! [He catches sight of +MARTHA] Why, there is my little sugar-plum! How is your most esteemed +highness? + +MARTHA. Very well, thank you. + +LEBEDIEFF. Splendid, splendid! [He sits down in an armchair] Quite +right--Oh, Gabriel! + +GABRIEL brings him a glass of vodka and a tumbler of water. He empties +the glass of vodka and sips the water. + +FIRST GUEST. Good health to you! + +LEBEDIEFF. Good health is too much to ask. I am content to keep death +from the door. [To his wife] Where is the heroine of this occasion, +Zuzu? + +KOSICH. [In a plaintive voice] Look here, why haven't we taken any +tricks yet? [He jumps up] Yes, why have we lost this game entirely, +confound it? + +AVDOTIA. [Jumps up angrily] Because, friend, you don't know how to play +it, and have no right to be sitting here at all. What right had you to +lead from another suit? Haven't you the ace left? [They both leave the +table and run forward.] + +KOSICH. [In a tearful voice] Ladies and gentlemen, let me explain! I had +the ace, king, queen, and eight of diamonds, the ace of spades and one, +just one, little heart, do you understand? Well, she, bad luck to her, +she couldn't make a little slam. I said one in no-trumps---- * + + * The game played is vint, the national card-game of Russia + and the direct ancestor of auction bridge, with which it is + almost identical. [translator's note] + +AVDOTIA. [Interrupting him] No, I said one in no-trumps; you said two in +no-trumps---- + +KOSICH. This is unbearable! Allow me--you had--I had--you had--[To +LEBEDIEFF] But you shall decide it, Paul: I had the ace, king, queen, +and eight of diamonds---- + +LEBEDIEFF. [Puts his fingers into his ears] Stop, for heaven's sake, +stop! + +AVDOTIA. [Yelling] I said no-trumps, and not he! + +KOSICH. [Furiously] I'll be damned if I ever sit down to another game of +cards with that old cat! + +He rushes into the garden. The SECOND GUEST follows him. GEORGE is left +alone at the table. + +AVDOTIA. Whew! He makes my blood boil! Old cat, indeed! You're an old +cat yourself! + +MARTHA. How angry you are, aunty! + +AVDOTIA. [Sees MARTHA and claps her hands] Are you here, my darling? +My beauty! And was I blind as a bat, and didn't see you? Darling child! +[She kisses her and sits down beside her] How happy this makes me! Let +me feast my eyes on you, my milk-white swan! Oh, oh, you have bewitched +me! + +LEBEDIEFF. Why don't you find her a husband instead of singing her +praises? + +AVDOTIA. He shall be found. I shall not go to my grave before I have +found a husband for her, and one for Sasha too. I shall not go to my +grave--[She sighs] But where to find these husbands nowadays? There +sit some possible bridegrooms now, huddled together like a lot of +half-drowned rats! + +THIRD GUEST. A most unfortunate comparison! It is my belief, ladies, +that if the young men of our day prefer to remain single, the fault lies +not with them, but with the existing, social conditions! + +LEBEDIEFF. Come, enough of that! Don't give us any mo re philosophy; I +don't like it! + +Enter SASHA. She goes up to her father. + +SASHA. How can you endure the stuffy air of this room when the weather +is so beautiful? + +ZINAIDA. My dear Sasha, don't you see that Martha is here? + +SASHA. I beg your pardon. + +[She goes up to MARTHA and shakes hands.] + +MARTHA. Yes, here I am, my dear little Sasha, and proud to congratulate +you. [They kiss each other] Many happy returns of the day, dear! + +SASHA. Thank you! [She goes and sits down by her father.] + +LEBEDIEFF. As you were saying, Avdotia Nazarovna, husbands are hard to +find. I don't want to be rude, but I must say that the young men of the +present are a dull and poky lot, poor fellows! They can't dance or talk +or drink as they should do. + +AVDOTIA. Oh, as far as drinking goes, they are all experts. Just give +them--give them---- + +LEBEDIEFF. Simply to drink is no art. A horse can drink. No, it must be +done in the right way. In my young days we used to sit and cudgel our +brains all day over our lessons, but as soon as evening came we would +fly off on some spree and keep it up till dawn. How we used to dance and +flirt, and drink, too! Or sometimes we would sit and chatter and discuss +everything under the sun until we almost wagged our tongues off. But +now--[He waves his hand] Boys are a puzzle to me. They are not willing +either to give a candle to God or a pitchfork to the devil! There is +only one young fellow in the country who is worth a penny, and he is +married. [Sighs] They say, too, that he is going crazy. + +MARTHA. Who is he? + +LEBEDIEFF. Nicholas Ivanoff. + +MARTHA. Yes, he is a fine fellow, only [Makes a face] he is very +unhappy. + +ZINAIDA. How could he be otherwise, poor boy! [She sighs] He made such +a bad mistake. When he married that Jewess of his he thought of course +that her parents would give away whole mountains of gold with her, but, +on the contrary, on the day she became a Christian they disowned her, +and Ivanoff has never seen a penny of the money. He has repented of his +folly now, but it is too late. + +SASHA. Mother, that is not true! + +MARTHA. How can you say it is not true, Sasha, when we all know it to be +a fact? Why did he have to marry a Jewess? He must have had some reason +for doing it. Are Russian girls so scarce? No, he made a mistake, poor +fellow, a sad mistake. [Excitedly] And what on earth can he do with her +now? Where could she go if he were to come home some day and say: "Your +parents have deceived me; leave my house at once!" Her parents wouldn't +take her back. She might find a place as a house-maid if she had ever +learned to work, which she hasn't. He worries and worries her now, but +the Count interferes. If it had not been for the Count, he would have +worried her to death long ago. + +AVDOTIA. They say he shuts her up in a cellar and stuffs her with +garlic, and she eats and eats until her very soul reeks of it. +[Laughter.] + +SASHA. But, father, you know that isn't true! + +LEBEDIEFF. What if it isn't, Sasha? Let them spin yarns if it amuses +them. [He calls] Gabriel! + +GABRIEL brings him another glass of vodka and a glass of water. + +ZINAIDA. His misfortunes have almost ruined him, poor man. His affairs +are in a frightful condition. If Borkin did not take such good charge +of his estate he and his Jewess would soon be starving to death. [She +sighs] And what anxiety he has caused us! Heaven only knows how we have +suffered. Do you realise, my dear, that for three years he has owed us +nine thousand roubles? + +MARTHA. [Horrified] Nine thousand! + +ZINAIDA. Yes, that is the sum that my dear Paul has undertaken to lend +him. He never knows to whom it is safe to lend money and to whom it is +not. I don't worry about the principal, but he ought to pay the interest +on his debt. + +SASHA. [Hotly] Mamma, you have already discussed this subject at least a +thousand times! + +ZINAIDA. What difference does it make to you? Why should you interfere? + +SASHA. What is this mania you all have for gossiping about a man who has +never done any of you any harm? Tell me, what harm has he done you? + +THIRD GUEST. Let me say two words, Miss Sasha. I esteem Ivanoff, and +have always found him an honourable man, but, between ourselves, I also +consider him an adventurer. + +SASHA. I congratulate you on your opinion! + +THIRD GUEST. In proof of its truth, permit me to present to you the +following facts, as they were communicated to me by his secretary, or +shall I say rather, by his factotum, Borkin. Two years ago, at the time +of the cattle plague, he bought some cattle and had them insured-- + +ZINAIDA. Yes, I remember hearing' of that. + +THIRD GUEST. He had them insured, as you understand, and then inoculated +them with the disease and claimed the insurance. + +SASHA. Oh, what nonsense, nonsense, nonsense! No one bought or +inoculated any cattle! The story was invented by Borkin, who then went +about boasting of his clever plan. Ivanoff would not forgive Borkin for +two weeks after he heard of it. He is only guilty of a weak character +and too great faith in humanity. He can't make up his mind to get rid +of that Borkin, and so all his possessions have been tricked and stolen +from him. Every one who has had anything to do with Ivanoff has taken +advantage of his generosity to grow rich. + +LEBEDIEFF. Sasha, you little firebrand, that will do! + +SASHA. Why do you all talk like this? This eternal subject of Ivanoff, +Ivanoff, and always Ivanoff has grown insufferable, and yet you never +speak of anything else. [She goes toward the door, then stops and comes +back] I am surprised, [To the young men] and utterly astonished at your +patience, young men! How can you sit there like that? Aren't you bored? +Why, the very air is as dull as ditchwater! Do, for heaven's sake say +something; try to amuse the girls a little, move about! Or if you can't +talk of anything except Ivanoff, you might laugh or sing or dance---- + +LEBEDIEFF. [Laughing] That's right, Sasha! Give them a good scolding. + +SASHA. Look here, will you do me a favour? If you refuse to dance or +sing or laugh, if all that is tedious, then let me beg you, implore you, +to summon all your powers, if only for this once, and make one witty or +clever remark. Let it be as impertinent and malicious as you like, so +long as it is funny and original. Won't you perform this miracle, just +once, to surprise us and make us laugh? Or else you might think of some +little thing which you could all do together, something to make you stir +about. Let the girls admire you for once in their lives! Listen to me! +I suppose you want them to like you? Then why don't try to make them do +it? Oh, dear! There is something wrong with you all! You are a lot of +sleepy stick-in-the-muds! I have told you so a thousand times and shall +always go on repeating it; there is something wrong with every one of +you; something wrong, wrong, wrong! + +Enter IVANOFF and SHABELSKI through the door on the right. + +SHABELSKI. Who is making a speech here? Is it you, Sasha? [He laughs and +shakes hands with her] Many happy returns of the day, my dear child. May +you live as long as possible in this life, but never be born again! + +ZINAIDA. [Joyfully] My dear Count! + +LEBEDIEFF. Who can this be? Not you, Count? + +SHABELSKI. [Sees ZINAIDA and MARTHA sitting side by side] Two gold mines +side by side! What a pleasant picture it makes! [He shakes hands with +ZINAIDA] Good evening, Zuzu! [Shakes hands with MARTHA] Good evening, +Birdie! + +ZINAIDA. I am charmed to see you, Count. You are a rare visitor here +now. [Calls] Gabriel, bring some tea! Please sit down. + +She gets up and goes to the door and back, evidently much preoccupied. +SASHA sits down in her former place. IVANOFF silently shakes hands with +every one. + +LEBEDIEFF. [To SHABELSKI] What miracle has brought you here? You have +given us a great surprise. Why, Count, you're a rascal, you haven't been +treating us right at all. [Leads him forward by the hand] Tell me, why +don't you ever come to see us now? Are you offended? + +SHABELSKI. How can I get here to see you? Astride a broomstick? I have +no horses of my own, and Nicholas won't take me with him when he goes +out. He says I must stay at home to amuse Sarah. Send your horses for me +and I shall come with pleasure. + +LEBE DIEFF. [With a wave of the hand] Oh, that is easy to say! But Zuzu +would rather have a fit than lend the horses to any one. My dear, +dear old friend, you are more to me than any one I know! You and I are +survivors of those good old days that are gone forever, and you alone +bring back to my mind the love and longings of my lost youth. Of course +I am only joking, and yet, do you know, I am almost in tears? + +SHABELSKI. Stop, stop! You smell like the air of a wine cellar. + +LEBEDIEFF. Dear friend, you cannot imagine how lonely I am without my +old companions! I could hang myself! [Whispers] Zuzu has frightened +all the decent men away with her stingy ways, and now we have only this +riff-raff, as you see: Tom, Dick, and Harry. However, drink your tea. + +ZINAIDA. [Anxiously, to GABRIEL] Don't bring it in like that! Go fetch +some jam to eat with it! + +SHABELSKI. [Laughing loudly, to IVANOFF] Didn't I tell you so? [To +LEBEDIEFF] I bet him driving over, that as soon as we arrived Zuzu would +want to feed us with jam! + +ZINAIDA. Still joking, Count! [She sits down.] + +LEBEDIEFF. She made twenty jars of it this year, and how else do you +expect her to get rid of it? + +SHABELSKI. [Sits down near the table] Are you still adding to the hoard, +Zuzu? You will soon have a million, eh? + +ZINAIDA. [Sighing] I know it seems as if no one could be richer than we, +but where do they think the money comes from? It is all gossip. + +SHABELSKI. Oh, yes, we all know that! We know how badly you play your +cards! Tell me, Paul, honestly, have you saved up a million yet? + +LEBEDIEFF. I don't know. Ask Zuzu. + +SHABELSKI. [To MARTHA] And my plump little Birdie here will soon have a +million too! She is getting prettier and plumper not only every day, but +every hour. That means she has a nice little fortune. + +MARTHA. Thank you very much, your highness, but I don't like such jokes. + +SHABELSKI. My dear little gold mine, do you call that a joke? It was a +wail of the soul, a cry from the heart, that burst through my lips. +My love for you and Zuzu is immense. [Gaily] Oh, rapture! Oh, bliss! I +cannot look at you two without a madly beating heart! + +ZINAIDA. You are still the same, Count. [To GEORGE] Put out the candles +please, George. [GEORGE gives a start. He puts out the candles and sits +down again] How is your wife, Nicholas? + +IVANOFF. She is very ill. The doctor said to-day that she certainly had +consumption. + +ZINAIDA. Really? Oh, how sad! [She sighs] And we are all so fond of her! + +SHABELSKI. What trash you all talk! That story was invented by that sham +doctor, and is nothing but a trick of his. He wants to masquerade as an +Aesculapius, and so has started this consumption theory. Fortunately +her husband isn't jealous. [IVANOFF makes an inpatient gesture] As for +Sarah, I wouldn't trust a word or an action of hers. I have made a point +all my life of mistrusting all doctors, lawyers, and women. They are +shammers and deceivers. + +LEBEDIEFF. [To SHABELSKI] You are an extraordinary person, Matthew! You +have mounted this misanthropic hobby of yours, and you ride it through +thick and thin like a lunatic You are a man like any other, and yet, +from the way you talk one would imagine that you had the pip, or a cold +in the head. + +SHABELSKI. Would you have me go about kissing every rascal and scoundrel +I meet? + +LEBEDIEFF. Where do you find all these rascals and scoundrels? + +SHABELSKI. Of course I am not talking of any one here present, +nevertheless----- + +LEBEDIEFF. There you are again with your "nevertheless." All this is +simply a fancy of yours. + +SHABELSKI. A fancy? It is lucky for you that you have no knowledge of +the world! + +LEBEDIEFF. My knowledge of the world is this: I must sit here prepared +at any moment to have death come knocking at the door. That is my +knowledge of the world. At our age, brother, you and I can't afford to +worry about knowledge of the world. So then--[He calls] Oh, Gabriel! + +SHABELSKI. You have had quite enough already. Look at your nose. + +LEBEDIEFF. No matter, old boy. I am not going to be married to-day. + +ZINAIDA. Doctor Lvoff has not been here for a long time. He seems to +have forgotten us. + +SASHA. That man is one of my aversions. I can't stand his icy sense of +honour. He can't ask for a glass of water or smoke a cigarette without +making a display of his remarkable honesty. Walking and talking, it is +written on his brow: "I am an honest man." He is a great bore. + +SHABELSKI. He is a narrow-minded, conceited medico. [Angrily] He shrieks +like a parrot at every step: "Make way for honest endeavour!" and thinks +himself another St. Francis. Everybody is a rascal who doesn't make as +much noise as he does. As for his penetration, it is simply remarkable! +If a peasant is well off and lives decently, he sees at once that he +must be a thief and a scoundrel. If I wear a velvet coat and am dressed +by my valet, I am a rascal and the valet is my slave. There is no place +in this world for a man like him. I am actually afraid of him. Yes, +indeed, he is likely, out of a sense of duty, to insult a man at any +moment and to call him a knave. + +IVANOFF. I am dreadfully tired of him, but I can't help liking him, too, +he is so sincere. + +SHABELSKI. Oh, yes, his sincerity is beautiful! He came up to me +yesterday evening and remarked absolutely apropos of nothing: "Count, I +have a deep aversion to you!" It isn't as if he said such things simply, +but they are extremely pointed. His voice trembles, his eyes flash, his +veins swell. Confound his infernal honesty! Supposing I am disgusting +and odious to him? What is more natural? I know that I am, but I don't +like to be told so to my face. I am a worthless old man, but he might +have the decency to respect my grey hairs. Oh, what stupid, heartless +honesty! + +LEBEDIEFF. Come, come, you have been young yourself, and should make +allowances for him. + +SHABELSKI. Yes, I have been young and reckless; I have played the fool +in my day and have seen plenty of knaves and scamps, but I have never +called a thief a thief to his face, or talked of ropes in the house of a +man who had been hung. I knew how to behave, but this idiotic doctor +of yours would think himself in the seventh heaven of happiness if fate +would allow him to pull my nose in public in the name of morality and +human ideals. + +LEBEDIEFF. Young men are all stubborn and restive. I had an uncle once +who thought himself a philosopher. He would fill his house with guests, +and after he had had a drink he would get up on a chair, like this, and +begin: "You ignoramuses! You powers of darkness! This is the dawn of a +new life!" And so on and so on; he would preach and preach---- + +SASHA. And the guests? + +LEBEDIEFF. They would just sit and listen and go on drinking. Once, +though, I challenged him to a duel, challenged my own uncle! It came +out of a discussion about Sir Francis Bacon. I was sitting, I remember, +where Matthew is, and my uncle and the late Gerasim Nilitch were +standing over there, about where Nicholas is now. Well, Gerasim Nilitch +propounded this question---- + +Enter BORKIN. He is dressed like a dandy and carries a parcel under his +arm. He comes in singing and skipping through the door on the right. A +murmur of approval is heard. + +THE GIRLS. Oh, Michael Borkin! + +LEBEDIEFF. Hallo, Misha! + +SHABELSKI. The soul of the company! + +BORKIN. Here we are! [He runs up to SASHA] Most noble Signorina, let +me be so bold as to wish to the whole world many happy returns of the +birthday of such an exquisite flower as you! As a token of my enthusiasm +let me presume to present you with these fireworks and this Bengal fire +of my own manufacture. [He hands her the parcel] May they illuminate the +night as brightly as you illuminate the shadows of this dark world. [He +spreads them out theatrically before her.] + +SASHA. Thank you. + +LEBEDIEFF. [Laughing loudly, to IVANOFF] Why don't you send this Judas +packing? + +BORKIN. [To LEBEDIEFF] My compliments to you, sir. [To IVANOFF] How are +you, my patron? [Sings] Nicholas voila, hey ho hey! [He greets everybody +in turn] Most highly honoured Zinaida! Oh, glorious Martha! Most ancient +Avdotia! Noblest of Counts! + +SHABELSKI. [Laughing] The life of the company! The moment he comes in +the air fe els livelier. Have you noticed it? + +BORKIN. Whew! I am tired! I believe I have shaken hands with everybody. +Well, ladies and gentlemen, haven't you some little tidbit to tell +me; something spicy? [Speaking quickly to ZINAIDA] Oh, aunty! I have +something to tell you. As I was on my way here--[To GABRIEL] Some tea, +please Gabriel, but without jam--as I was on my way here I saw some +peasants down on the river-bank pulling the bark off the trees. Why +don't you lease that meadow? + +LEBEDIEFF. [To IVANOFF] Why don't you send that Judas away? + +ZINAIDA. [Startled] Why, that is quite true! I never thought of it. + +BORKIN. [Swinging his arms] I can't sit still! What tricks shall we be +up to next, aunty? I am all on edge, Martha, absolutely exalted. [He +sings] + + "Once more I stand before thee!" + +ZINAIDA. Think of something to amuse us, Misha, we are all bored. + +BORKIN. Yes, you look so. What is the matter with you all? Why are you +sitting there as solemn as a jury? Come, let us play something; what +shall it be? Forfeits? Hide-and-seek? Tag? Shall we dance, or have the +fireworks? + +THE GIRLS. [Clapping their hands] The fireworks! The fireworks! [They +run into the garden.] + +SASHA. [ To IVANOFF] What makes you so depressed today? + +IVANOFF. My head aches, little Sasha, and then I feel bored. + +SASHA. Come into the sitting-room with me. + +They go out through the door on the right. All the guests go into the +garden and ZINAIDA and LEBEDIEFF are left alone. + +ZINAIDA. That is what I like to see! A young man like Misha comes into +the room and in a minute he has everybody laughing. [She puts out the +large lamp] There is no reason the candles should burn for nothing so +long as they are all in the garden. [She blows out the candles.] + +LEBEDIEFF. [Following her] We really ought to give our guests something +to eat, Zuzu! + +ZINAIDA. What crowds of candles; no wonder we are thought rich. + +LEBEDIEFF. [Still following her] Do let them have something to eat, +Zuzu; they are young and must be hungry by now, poor things--Zuzu! + +ZINAIDA. The Count did not finish his tea, and all that sugar has been +wasted. [Goes out through the door on the left.] + +LEBEDIEFF. Bah! [Goes out into the garden.] + +Enter IVANOFF and SASHA through the door on the right. + +IVANOFF. This is how it is, Sasha: I used to work hard and think hard, +and never tire; now, I neither do anything nor think anything, and I +am weary, body and soul. I feel I am terribly to blame, my conscience +leaves me no peace day or night, and yet I can't see clearly exactly +what my mistakes are. And now comes my wife's illness, our poverty, this +eternal backbiting, gossiping, chattering, that foolish Borkin--My home +has become unendurable to me, and to live there is worse than torture. +Frankly, Sasha, the presence of my wife, who loves me, has become +unbearable. You are an old friend, little Sasha, you will not be angry +with me for speaking so openly. I came to you to be cheered, but I am +bored here too, something urges me home again. Forgive me, I shall slip +away at once. + +SASHA. I can understand your trouble, Nicholas. You are unhappy because +you are lonely. You need some one at your side whom you can love, +someone who understands you. + +IVANOFF. What an idea, Sasha! Fancy a crusty old badger like myself +starting a love affair! Heaven preserve me from such misfortune! No, my +little sage, this is not a case for romance. The fact is, I can endure +all I have to suffer: sadness, sickness of mind, ruin, the loss of my +wife, and my lonely, broken old age, but I cannot, I will not, endure +the contempt I have for myself! I am nearly killed by shame when I think +that a strong, healthy man like myself has become--oh, heaven only knows +what--by no means a Manfred or a Hamlet! There are some unfortunates who +feel flattered when people call them Hamlets and cynics, but to me it +is an insult. It wounds my pride and I am tortured by shame and suffer +agony. + +SASHA. [Laughing through her tears] Nicholas, let us run away to America +together! + +IVANOFF. I haven't the energy to take such a step as that, and besides, +in America you--[They go toward the door into the garden] As a matter of +fact, Sasha, this is not a good place for you to live. When I look about +at the men who surround you I am terrified for you; whom is there you +could marry? Your only chance will be if some passing lieutenant or +student steals your heart and carries you away. + +Enter ZINAIDA through the door on the right with a jar of jam. + +IVANOFF. Excuse me, Sasha, I shall join you in a minute. + +SASHA goes out into the garden. + +IVANOFF. [To ZINAIDA] Zinaida, may I ask you a favour? + +ZINAIDA. What is it? + +IVANOFF. The fact is, you know, that the interest on my note is due day +after to-morrow, but I should be more than obliged to you if you will +let me postpone the payment of it, or would let me add the interest to +the capital. I simply cannot pay it now; I haven't the money. + +ZINAIDA. Oh, Ivanoff, how could I do such a thing? Would it be +business-like? No, no, don't ask it, don't torment an unfortunate old +woman. + +IVANOFF. I beg your pardon. [He goes out into the garden.] + +ZINAIDA. Oh, dear! Oh, dear! What a fright he gave me! I am trembling +all over. [Goes out through the door on the right.] + +Enter KOSICH through the door on the left. He walks across the stage. + +KOSICH. I had the ace, king, queen, and eight of diamonds, the ace of +spades, and one, just one little heart, and she--may the foul fiend fly +away with her,--she couldn't make a little slam! + +Goes out through the door on the right. Enter from the garden AVDOTIA +and FIRST GUEST. + +AVDOTIA. Oh, how I should like to get my claws into her, the miserable +old miser! How I should like it! Does she think it a joke to leave us +sitting here since five o'clock without even offering us a crust to eat? +What a house! What management! + +FIRST GUEST. I am so bored that I feel like beating my head against the +wall. Lord, what a queer lot of people! I shall soon be howling like a +wolf and snapping at them from hunger and weariness. + +AVDOTIA. How I should like to get my claws into her, the old sinner! + +FIRST GUEST. I shall get a drink, old lady, and then home I go! I won't +have anything to do with these belles of yours. How the devil can a man +think of love who hasn't had a drop to drink since dinner? + +AVDOTIA. Come on, we will go and find something. + +FIRST GUEST. Sh! Softly! I think the brandy is in the sideboard in the +dining-room. We will find George! Sh! + +They go out through the door on the left. Enter ANNA and LVOFF through +the door on the right. + +ANNA. No, they will be glad to see us. Is no one here? Then they must be +in the garden. + +LVOFF. I should like to know why you have brought me into this den of +wolves. This is no place for you and me; honourable people should not be +subjected to such influences as these. + +ANNA. Listen to me, Mr. Honourable Man. When you are escorting a lady it +is very bad manners to talk to her the whole way about nothing but your +own honesty. Such behaviour may be perfectly honest, but it is also +tedious, to say the least. Never tell a woman how good you are; let her +find it out herself. My Nicholas used only to sing and tell stories when +he was young as you are, and yet every woman knew at once what kind of a +man he was. + +LVOFF. Don't talk to me of your Nicholas; I know all about him! + +ANNA. You are a very worthy man, but you don't know anything at +all. Come into the garden. He never said: "I am an honest man; these +surroundings are too narrow for me." He never spoke of wolves' dens, +called people bears or vultures. He left the animal kingdom alone, and +the most I have ever heard him say when he was excited was: "Oh, how +unjust I have been to-day!" or "Annie, I am sorry for that man." That's +what he would say, but you-- + +ANNA and LVOFF go out. Enter AVDOTIA and FIRST GUEST through the door on +the left. + +FIRST GUEST. There isn't any in the dining-room, so it must be +somewhere in the pantry. We must find George. Come this way, through the +sitting-room. + +AVDOTIA. Oh, how I should like to get my claws into her! + +They go out through the door on the right. MARTHA and BORKIN run in +laughing from the garden. SHABELSK I comes mincing behind them, laughing +and rubbing his hands. + +MARTHA. Oh, I am so bored! [Laughs loudly] This is deadly! Every one +looks as if he had swallowed a poker. I am frozen to the marrow by this +icy dullness. [She skips about] Let us do something! + +BORKIN catches her by the waist and kisses her cheek. + +SHABELSKI. [Laughing and snapping his fingers] Well, I'll be hanged! +[Cackling] Really, you know! + +MARTHA. Let go! Let go, you wretch! What will the Count think? Stop, I +say! + +BORKIN. Angel! Jewel! Lend me twenty-three hundred roubles. + +MARTHA. Most certainly not! Do what you please, but I'll thank you to +leave my money alone. No, no, no! Oh, let go, will you? + +SHABELSKI. [Mincing around them] The little birdie has its charms! +[Seriously] Come, that will do! + +BORKIN. Let us come to the point, and consider my proposition frankly +as a business arrangement. Answer me honestly, without tricks and +equivocations, do you agree to do it or not? Listen to me; [Pointing +to Shabelski] he needs money to the amount of at least three thousand a +year; you need a husband. Do you want to be a Countess? + +SHABELSKI. [Laughing loudly] Oh, the cynic! + +BORKIN. Do you want to be a Countess or not? + +MARTHA. [Excitedly] Wait a minute; really, Misha, these things aren't +done in a second like this. If the Count wants to marry me, let him ask +me himself, and--and--I don't see, I don't understand--all this is so +sudden---- + +BORKIN. Come, don't let us beat about the bush; this is a business +arrangement. Do you agree or not? + +SHABELSKI. [Chuckling and rubbing his hands] Supposing I do marry her, +eh? Hang it, why shouldn't I play her this shabby trick? What do you +say, little puss? [He kisses her cheek] Dearest chick-a-biddy! + +MARTHA. Stop! Stop! I hardly know what I am doing. Go away! No--don't +go! + +BORKIN. Answer at once: is it yes or no? We can't stand here forever. + +MARTHA. Look here, Count, come and visit me for three or four days. It +is gay at my house, not like this place. Come to-morrow. [To BORKIN] Or +is this all a joke? + +BORKIN. [Angrily] How could I joke on such a serious subject? + +MARTHA. Wait! Stop! Oh, I feel faint! A Countess! I am fainting, I am +falling! + +BORKIN and SHABELSKI laugh and catch her by the arms. They kiss her +cheeks and lead her out through the door on the right. IVANOFF and SASHA +run in from the garden. + +IVANOFF. [Desperately clutching his head] It can't be true! Don't Sasha, +don't! Oh, I implore you not to! + +SASHA. I love you madly. Without you my life can have no meaning, no +happiness, no hope. + +IVANOFF. Why, why do you say that? What do you mean? Little Sasha, don't +say it! + +SASHA. You were the only joy of my childhood; I loved you body and soul +then, as myself, but now--Oh, I love you, Nicholas! Take me with you to +the ends of the earth, wherever you wish; but for heaven's sake let us +go at once, or I shall die. + +IVANOFF. [Shaking with wild laughter] What is this? Is it the beginning +for me of a new life? Is it, Sasha? Oh, my happiness, my joy! [He draws +her to him] My freshness, my youth! + +Enter ANNA from the garden. She sees her husband and SASHA, and stops as +if petrified. + +IVANOFF. Oh, then I shall live once more? And work? + +IVANOFF and SASHA kiss each other. After the kiss they look around and +see ANNA. + +IVANOFF. [With horror] Sarah! + +The curtain falls. + + + + +ACT III + +Library in IVANOFF'S house. On the walls hang maps, pictures, guns, +pistols, sickles, whips, etc. A writing-table. On it lie in disorder +knick-knacks, papers, books, parcels, and several revolvers. Near +the papers stand a lamp, a decanter of vodka, and a plate of salted +herrings. Pieces of bread and cucumber are scattered about. SHABELSKI +and LEBEDIEFF are sitting at the writing-table. BORKIN is sitting +astride a chair in the middle of the room. PETER is standing near the +door. + +LEBEDIEFF. The policy of France is clear and definite; the French know +what they want: it is to skin those German sausages, but the Germans +must sing another song; France is not the only thorn in their flesh. + +SHABELSKI. Nonsense! In my opinion the Germans are cowards and the +French are the same. They are showing their teeth at one another, but +you can take my word for it, they will not do more than that; they'll +never fight! + +BORKIN. Why should they fight? Why all these congresses, this arming and +expense? Do you know what I would do in their place? I would catch all +the dogs in the kingdom and inoculate them with Pasteur's serum, then I +would let them loose in the enemy's country, and the enemies would all +go mad in a month. + +LEBEDIEFF. [Laughing] His head is small, but the great ideas are hidden +away in it like fish in the sea! + +SHABELSKI. Oh, he is a genius. + +LEBEDIEFF. Heaven help you, Misha, you are a funny chap. [He stops +laughing] But how is this, gentlemen? Here we are talking Germany, +Germany, and never a word about vodka! Repetatur! [He fills three +glasses] Here's to you all! [He drinks and eats] This herring is the +best of all relishes. + +SHABELSKI. No, no, these cucumbers are better; every wise man since the +creation of the world has been trying to invent something better than +a salted cucumber, and not one has succeeded. [To PETER] Peter, go and +fetch some more cucumbers. And Peter, tell the cook to make four little +onion pasties, and see that we get them hot. + +PETER goes out. + +LEBEDIEFF. Caviar is good with vodka, but it must be prepared with +skill. Take a quarter of a pound of pressed caviar, two little onions, +and a little olive oil; mix them together and put a slice of lemon on +top--so! Lord! The very perfume would drive you crazy! + +BORKIN. Roast snipe are good too, but they must be cooked right. They +should first be cleaned, then sprinkled with bread crumbs, and roasted +until they will crackle between the teeth--crunch, crunch! + +SHABELSKI. We had something good at Martha's yesterday: white mushrooms. + +LEBEDIEFF. You don't say so! + +SHABELSKI. And they were especially well prepared, too, with onions and +bay-leaves and spices, you know. When the dish was opened, the odour +that floated out was simply intoxicating! + +LEBEDIEFF. What do you say, gentlemen? Repetatur! [He drinks] Good +health to you! [He looks at his watch] I must be going. I can't wait for +Nicholas. So you say Martha gave you mushrooms? We haven't seen one at +home. Will you please tell me, Count, what plot you are hatching that +takes you to Martha's so often? + +SHABELSKI. [Nodding at BORKIN] He wants me to marry her. + +LEBEDIEFF. Wants you to marry her! How old are you? + +SHABELSKI. Sixty-two. + +LEBEDIEFF. Really, you are just the age to marry, aren't you? And Martha +is just suited to you! + +BORKIN. This is not a question of Martha, but of Martha's money. + +LEBEDIEFF. Aren't you moonstruck, and don't you want the moon too? + +SHABELSKI. Borkin here is quite in earnest about it; the clever fellow +is sure I shall obey orders, and marry Martha. + +BORKIN. What do you mean? Aren't you sure yourself? + +SHABELSKI. Are you mad? I never was sure of anything. Bah! + +BORKIN. Many thanks! I am much obliged to you for the information. So +you are trying to fool me, are you? First you say you will marry Martha +and then you say you won't; the devil only knows which you really +mean, but I have given her my word of honour that you will. So you have +changed your mind, have you? + +SHABELSKI. He is actually in earnest; what an extraordinary man! + +BORKIN. [losing his temper] If that is how you feel about it, why have +you turned an honest woman's head? Her heart is set on your title, and +she can neither eat nor sleep for thinking of it. How can you make a +jest of such things? Do you think such behaviour is honourable? + +SHABELSKI. [Snapping his fingers] Well, why not play her this shabby +trick, after all? Eh? Just out of spite? I shall certainly do it, upon +my word I shall! What a joke it will be! + +Enter LVOFF. + +LEBEDIEFF. We bow before you, Aesculapius! [He shakes hands with LVOFF +and sings] + + "Doctor, doctor, save, oh, save me, + I am scared to death of dying!" + +LVOFF. Hasn't Ivanoff come home yet? + +LEBEDIEFF. Not yet. I have been waiting for him myself for over an hour. + +LVOFF walks impatiently up and down. + +LEBEDIEFF. How is Anna to-day? + +LVOFF. Very ill. + +LEBEDIEFF. [Sighing] May one go and pay one's respects to her? + +LVOFF. No, please don't. She is asleep, I believe. + +LEBEDIEFF. She is a lovely, charming woman. [Sighing] The day she +fainted at our house, on Sasha's birthday, I saw that she had not much +longer to live, poor thing. Let me see, why did she faint? When I ran +up, she was lying on the floor, ashy white, with Nicholas on his knees +beside her, and Sasha was standing by them in tears. Sasha and I went +about almost crazy for a week after that. + +SHABELSKI. [To LVOFF] Tell me, most honoured disciple of science, what +scholar discovered that the frequent visits of a young doctor were +beneficial to ladies suffering from affections of the chest? It is +a remarkable discovery, remarkable! Would you call such treatment +Allopathic or Homeopathic? + +LVOFF tries to answer, but makes an impatient gesture instead, and walks +out of the room. + +SHABELSKI. What a withering look he gave me! + +LEBEDIEFF. Some fiend must prompt you to say such things! Why did you +offend him? + +SHABELSKI. [Angrily] Why does he tell such lies? Consumption! No hope! +She is dying! It is nonsense, I can't abide him! + +LEBEDIEFF. What makes you think he is lying? + +SHABELSKI. [Gets up and walks up and down] I can't bear to think that a +living person could die like that, suddenly, without any reason at all. +Don't let us talk about it! + +KOSICH runs in panting. + +KOSICH. Is Ivanoff at home? How do you do? [He shakes hands quickly all +round] Is he at home? + +BORKIN. No, he isn't. + +KOSICH. [Sits down and jumps up again] In that case I must say goodbye; +I must be going. Business, you know. I am absolutely exhausted; run off +my feet! + +LEBEDIEFF. Where did you blow in from? + +KOSICH. From Barabanoff's. He and I have been playing cards all +night; we have only just stopped. I have been absolutely fleeced; that +Barabanoff is a demon at cards. [In a tearful voice] Just listen to +this: I had a heart and he [He turns to BORKIN, who jumps away from him] +led a diamond, and I led a heart, and he led another diamond. Well, he +didn't take the trick. [To LEBEDIEFF] We were playing three in clubs. I +had the ace and queen, and the ace and ten of spades-- + +LEBEDIEFF. [Stopping up his ears] Spare me, for heaven's sake, spare me! + +KOSICH. [To SHABELSKI] Do you understand? I had the ace and queen of +clubs, the ace and ten of spades. + +SHABELSKI. [Pushes him away] Go away, I don't want to listen to you! + +KOSICH. When suddenly misfortune overtook me. My ace of spades took the +first trick-- + +SHABELSKI. [Snatching up a revolver] Leave the room, or I shall shoot! + +KOSICH. [Waving his hands] What does this mean? Is this the Australian +bush, where no one has any interests in common? Where there is no public +spirit, and each man lives for himself alone? However, I must be off. My +time is precious. [He shakes hands with LEBEDIEFF] Pass! + +General laughter. KOSICH goes out. In the doorway he runs into AVDOTIA. + +AVDOTIA. [Shrieks] Bad luck to you, you nearly knocked me down. + +ALL. Oh, she is always everywhere at once! + +AVDOTIA. So this is where you all are? I have been looking for you all +over the house. Good-day to you, boys! + +[She shakes hands with everybody.] + +LEBEDIEFF. What brings you here? + +AVDOTIA. Business, my son. [To SHABELSKI] Business connected with your +highness. She commanded me to bow. [She bows] And to inquire after your +health. She told me to say, the little birdie, that if you did not come +to see her this evening she would cry her eyes out. Take him aside, +she said, and whisper in his ear. But why should I make a secret of her +message? We are not stealing chickens, but arranging an affair of lawful +love by mutual consent of both parties. And now, although I never drink, +I shall take a drop under these circumstances. + +LEBEDIEFF. So shall I. [He pours out the vodka] You must be immortal, +you old magpie! You were an old woman when I first knew you, thirty +years ago. + +AVDOTIA. I have lost count of the years. I have buried three husbands, +and would have married a fourth if any one had wanted a woman without a +dowry. I have had eight children. [She takes up the glass] Well, we have +begun a good work, may it come to a good end! They will live happily +ever after, and we shall enjoy their happiness. Love and good luck to +them both! [She drinks] This is strong vodka! + +SHABELSKI. [laughing loudly, to LEBEDIEFF] The funny thing is, they +actually think I am in earnest. How strange! [He gets up] And yet, Paul, +why shouldn't I play her this shabby trick? Just out of spite? To give +the devil something to do, eh, Paul? + +LEBEDIEFF. You are talking nonsense, Count. You and I must fix our +thoughts on dying now; we have left Martha's money far behind us; our +day is over. + +SHABELSKI. No, I shall certainly marry her; upon my word, I shall! + +Enter IVANOFF and LVOFF. + +LVOFF. Will you please spare me five minutes of your time? + +LEBEDIEFF. Hallo, Nicholas! [He goes to meet IVANOFF] How are you, old +friend? I have been waiting an hour for you. + +AVDOTIA. [Bows] How do you do, my son? + +IVANOFF. [Bitterly] So you have turned my library into a bar-room again, +have you? And yet I have begged you all a thousand times not to do so! +[He goes up to the table] There, you see, you have spilt vodka all +over my papers and scattered crumbs and cucumbers everywhere! It is +disgusting! + +LEBEDIEFF. I beg your pardon, Nicholas. Please forgive me. I have +something very important to speak to you about. + +BORKIN. So have I. + +LVOFF. May I have a word with you? + +IVANOFF. [Pointing to LEBEDIEFF] He wants to speak to me; wait a minute. +[To LEBEDIEFF] Well, what is it? + +LEBEDIEFF. [To the others] Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, I want to +speak to him in private. + +SHABELSKI goes out, followed by AVDOTIA, BORKIN, and LVOFF. + +IVANOFF. Paul, you may drink yourself as much as you choose, it is your +weakness, but I must ask you not to make my uncle tipsy. He never used +to drink at all; it is bad for him. + +LEBEDIEFF. [Startled] My dear boy, I didn't know that! I wasn't thinking +of him at all. + +IVANOFF. If this old baby should die on my hands the blame would be +mine, not yours. Now, what do you want? [A pause.] + +LEBEDIEFF. The fact is, Nicholas--I really don't know how I can put +it to make it seem less brutal--Nicholas, I am ashamed of myself, I am +blushing, my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth. My dear boy, put +yourself in my place; remember that I am not a free man, I am as putty +in the hands of my wife, a slave--forgive me! + +IVANOFF. What does this mean? + +LEBEDIEFF. My wife has sent me to you; do me a favour, be a friend to +me, pay her the interest on the money you owe her. Believe me, she has +been tormenting me and going for me tooth and nail. For heaven's sake, +free yourself from her clutches! + +IVANOFF. You know, Paul, that I have no money now. + +LEBEDIEFF. I know, I know, but what can I do? She won't wait. If she +should sue you for the money, how could Sasha and I ever look you in the +face again? + +IVANOFF. I am ready to sink through the floor with shame, Paul, but +where, where shall I get the money? Tell me, where? There is nothing I +can do but to wait until I sell my wheat in the autumn. + +LEBEDIEFF. [Shrieks] But she won't wait! [A pause.] + +IVANOFF. Your position is very delicate and unpleasant, but mine is +even worse. [He walks up and down in deep thought] I am at my wit's end, +there is nothing I can sell now. + +LEBEDIEFF. You might go to Mulbach and get some money from him; doesn't +he owe you sixty thousand roubles? + +IVANOFF makes a despairing gesture. + +LEBEDIEFF. Listen to me, Nicholas, I know you will be angry, but you +must forgive an old drunkard like me. This is between friends; remember +I am your friend. We were students together, both Liberals; we had the +same interests and ideals; we studied together at the University of +Moscow. It is our Alma Mater. [He takes out his purse] I have a private +fund here; not a soul at home knows of its existence. Let me lend it +to you. [He takes out the money and lays it on the table] Forget your +pride; this is between friends! I should take it from you, indeed I +should! [A pause] There is the money, one hundred thousand roubles. Take +it; go to her y ourself and say: "Take the money, Zinaida, and may you +choke on it." Only, for heaven's sake, don't let her see by your manner +that you got it from me, or she would certainly go for me, with her old +jam! [He looks intently into IVANOFF'S face] There, there, no matter. +[He quickly takes up the money and stuffs it back into his pocket] Don't +take it, I was only joking. Forgive me! Are you hurt? + +IVANOFF waves his hand. + +LEBEDIEFF. Yes, the truth is--[He sighs] This is a time of sorrow and +pain for you. A man, brother, is like a samovar; he cannot always stand +coolly on a shelf; hot coals will be dropped into him some day, and +then--fizz! The comparison is idiotic, but it is the best I can think +of. [Sighing] Misfortunes wring the soul, and yet I am not worried about +you, brother. Wheat goes through the mill, and comes out as flour, and +you will come safely through your troubles; but I am annoyed, Nicholas, +and angry with the people around you. The whole countryside is buzzing +with gossip; where does it all start? They say you will be soon arrested +for your debts, that you are a bloodthirsty murderer, a monster of +cruelty, a robber. + +IVANOFF. All that is nothing to me; my head is aching. + +LEBEDIEFF. Because you think so much. + +IVANOFF. I never think. + +LEBEDIEFF. Come, Nicholas, snap your fingers at the whole thing, and +drive over to visit us. Sasha loves and understands you. She is a sweet, +honest, lovely girl; too good to be the child of her mother and me! +Sometimes, when I look at her, I cannot believe that such a treasure +could belong to a fat old drunkard like me. Go to her, talk to her, and +let her cheer you. She is a good, true-hearted girl. + +IVANOFF. Paul, my dear friend, please go, and leave me alone. + +LEBEDIEFF. I understand, I understand! [He glances at his watch] Yes, I +understand. [He kisses IVANOFF] Good-bye, I must go to the blessing +of the school now. [He goes as far as the door, then stops] She is so +clever! Sasha and I were talking about gossiping yesterday, and she +flashed out this epigram: "Father," she said, "fire-flies shine at night +so that the night-birds may make them their prey, and good people are +made to be preyed upon by gossips and slanderers." What do you think of +that? She is a genius, another George Sand! + +IVANOFF. [Stopping him as he goes out] Paul, what is the matter with me? + +LEBEDIEFF. I have wanted to ask you that myself, but I must confess I +was ashamed to. I don't know, old chap. Sometimes I think your troubles +have been too heavy for you, and yet I know you are not the kind to +give in to them; you would not be overcome by misfortune. It must be +something else, Nicholas, but what it may be I can't imagine. + +IVANOFF. I can't imagine either what the matter is, unless--and yet +no--[A pause] Well, do you see, this is what I wanted to say. I used to +have a workman called Simon, you remember him. Once, at threshing-time, +to show the girls how strong he was, he loaded himself with two sacks +of rye, and broke his back. He died soon after. I think I have broken my +back also. First I went to school, then to the university, then came the +cares of this estate, all my plans--I did not believe what others did; +did not marry as others did; I worked passionately, risked everything; +no one else, as you know, threw their money away to right and left as I +did. So I heaped the burdens on my back, and it broke. We are all heroes +at twenty, ready to attack anything, to do everything, and at thirty are +worn-out, useless men. How, oh, how do you account for this weariness? +However, I may be quite wrong; go away, Paul, I am boring you. + +LEBEDIEFF. I know what is the matter with you, old man: you got out of +bed on the wrong side this morning. + +IVANOFF. That is stupid, Paul, and stale. Go away! + +LEBEDIEFF. It is stupid, certainly. I see that myself now. I am going at +once. [LEBEDIEFF goes out.] + +IVANOFF. [Alone] I am a worthless, miserable, useless man. Only a man +equally miserable and suffering, as Paul is, could love or esteem me +now. Good God! How I loathe myself! How bitterly I hate my voice, my +hands, my thoughts, these clothes, each step I take! How ridiculous it +is, how disgusting! Less than a year ago I was healthy and strong, full +of pride and energy and enthusiasm. I worked with these hands here, and +my words could move the dullest man to tears. I could weep with sorrow, +and grow indignant at the sight of wrong. I could feel the glow of +inspiration, and understand the beauty and romance of the silent nights +which I used to watch through from evening until dawn, sitting at my +worktable, and giving up my soul to dreams. I believed in a bright +future then, and looked into it as trustfully as a child looks into its +mother's eyes. And now, oh, it is terrible! I am tired and without hope; +I spend my days and nights in idleness; I have no control over my feet +or brain. My estate is ruined, my woods are falling under the blows of +the axe. [He weeps] My neglected land looks up at me as reproachfully +as an orphan. I expect nothing, am sorry for nothing; my whole soul +trembles at the thought of each new day. And what can I think of my +treatment of Sarah? I promised her love and happiness forever; I opened +her eyes to the promise of a future such as she had never even dreamed +of. She believed me, and though for five years I have seen her sinking +under the weight of her sacrifices to me, and losing her strength in +her struggles with her conscience, God knows she has never given me one +angry look, or uttered one word of reproach. What is the result? That I +don't love her! Why? Is it possible? Can it be true? I can't understand. +She is suffering; her days are numbered; yet I fly like a contemptible +coward from her white face, her sunken chest, her pleading eyes. Oh, I +am ashamed, ashamed! [A pause] Sasha, a young girl, is sorry for me in +my misery. She confesses to me that she loves me; me, almost an old man! +Whereupon I lose my head, and exalted as if by music, I yell: "Hurrah +for a new life and new happiness!" Next day I believe in this new life +and happiness as little as I believe in my happiness at home. What is +the matter with me? What is this pit I am wallowing in? What is the +cause of this weakness? What does this nervousness come from? If my sick +wife wounds my pride, if a servant makes a mistake, if my gun misses +fire, I lose my temper and get violent and altogether unlike myself. +I can't, I can't understand it; the easiest way out would be a bullet +through the head! + +Enter LVOFF. + +LVOFF. I must have an explanation with you, Ivanoff. + +IVANOFF. If we are going to have an explanation every day, doctor, we +shall neither of us have the strength to stand it. + +LVOFF. Will you be good enough to hear me? + +IVANOFF. I have heard all you have told me every day, and have failed to +discover yet what you want me to do. + +LVOFF. I have always spoken plainly enough, and only an utterly +heartless and cruel man could fail to understand me. + +IVANOFF. I know that my wife is dying; I know that I have sinned +irreparably; I know that you are an honest man. What more can you tell +me? + +LVOFF. The sight of human cruelty maddens me. The woman is dying and +she has a mother and father whom she loves, and longs to see once more +before she dies. They know that she is dying and that she loves them +still, but with diabolical cruelty, as if to flaunt their religious +zeal, they refuse to see her and forgive her. You are the man for whom +she has sacrificed her home, her peace of mind, everything. Yet you +unblushingly go gadding to the Lebedieffs' every evening, for reasons +that are absolutely unmistakable! + +IVANOFF. Ah me, it is two weeks since I was there! + +LVOFF. [Not listening to him] To men like yourself one must speak +plainly, and if you don't want to hear what I have to say, you need not +listen. I always call a spade a spade; the truth is, you want her to +die so that the way may be cleared for your other schemes. Be it so; +but can't you wait? If, instead of crushing the life out of your wife by +your heartless egoism, you let her die naturally, do you think you would +lose Sasha and Sasha's money? Such an absolute Tartuffe as you are could +turn the girl's head and get her money a year from now as easily as you +can to-day. Why are you in such a hurry? Why do you want your wife to +die now, instead of in a month's time, or a year's? + +IVANOFF. This is torture! You are a very bad doctor if you think a +man can control himself forever. It is all I can do not to answer your +insults. + +LVOFF. Look here, whom are you trying to deceive? Throw off this +disguise! + +IVANOFF. You who are so clever, you think that nothing in the world is +easier than to understand me, do you? I married Annie for her money, did +I? And when her parents wouldn't give it to me, I changed my plans, and +am now hustling her out of the world so that I may marry another woman, +who will bring me what I want? You think so, do you? Oh, how easy and +simple it all is! But you are mistaken, doctor; in each one of us there +are too many springs, too many wheels and cogs for us to judge each +other by first impressions or by two or three external indications. I +can not understand you, you cannot understand me, and neither of us can +understand himself. A man may be a splendid doctor, and at the same time +a very bad judge of human nature; you will admit that, unless you are +too self-confident. + +LVOFF. Do you really think that your character is so mysterious, and +that I am too stupid to tell vice from virtue? + +IVANOFF. It is clear that we shall never agree, so let me beg you to +answer me now without any more preamble: exactly what do you want me to +do? [Angrily] What are you after anyway? And with whom have I the honour +of speaking? With my lawyer, or with my wife's doctor? + +LVOFF. I am a doctor, and as such I demand that you change your conduct +toward your wife; it is killing her. + +IVANOFF. What shall I do? Tell me! If you understand me so much better +than I understand myself, for heaven's sake tell me exactly what to do! + +LVOFF. In the first place, don't be so unguarded in your behaviour. + +IVANOFF. Heaven help me, do you mean to say that you understand +yourself? [He drinks some water] Now go away; I am guilty a thousand +times over; I shall answer for my sins before God; but nothing has given +you the right to torture me daily as you do. + +LVOFF. Who has given you the right to insult my sense of honour? You +have maddened and poisoned my soul. Before I came to this place I knew +that stupid, crazy, deluded people existed, but I never imagined that +any one could be so criminal as to turn his mind deliberately in the +direction of wickedness. I loved and esteemed humanity then, but since I +have known you-- + +IVANOFF. I have heard all that before. + +LVOFF. You have, have you? + +He goes out, shrugging his shoulders. He sees SASHA, who comes in at +this moment dressed for riding. + +LVOFF. Now, however, I hope that we can understand one another! + +IVANOFF. [Startled] Oh, Sasha, is that you? + +SASHA. Yes, it is I. How are you? You didn't expect me, did you? Why +haven't you been to see us? + +IVANOFF. Sasha, this is really imprudent of you! Your coming will have a +terrible effect on my wife! + +SASHA. She won't see me; I came in by the back entrance; I shall go in +a minute. I am so anxious about you. Tell me, are you well? Why haven't +you been to see us for such a long time? + +IVANOFF. My wife is offended already, and almost dying, and now you come +here; Sasha, Sasha, this is thoughtless and unkind of you. + +SASHA. How could I help coming? It is two weeks since you were at our +house, and you have not answered my letters. I imagined you suffering +dreadfully, or ill, or dead. I have not slept for nights. I am going +now, but first tell me that you are well. + +IVANOFF. No, I am not well. I am a torment to myself, and every one +torments me without end. I can't stand it! And now you come here. How +morbid and unnatural it all is, Sasha. I am terribly guilty. + +SASHA. What dreadful, pitiful speeches you make! So you are guilty, are +you? Tell me, then, what is it you have done? + +IVANOFF I don't know; I don't know! + +SASHA. That is no answer. Every sinner should know what he is guilty of. +Perhaps you have been forging money? + +IVANOFF. That is stupid. + +SASHA. Or are you guilty because you no longer love your wife? Perhaps +you are, but no one is master of his feelings, and you did not mean to +stop loving her. Do you feel guilty because she saw me telling you that +I love you? No, that cannot be, because you did not want her to see it-- + +IVANOFF. [Interrupting her] And so on, and so on! First you say I love, +and then you say I don't; that I am not master of my feelings. All these +are commonplace, worn-out sentiments, with which you cannot help me. + +SASHA. It is impossible to talk to you. [She looks at a picture on the +wall] How well those dogs are drawn! Were they done from life? + +IVANOFF. Yes, from life. And this whole romance of ours is a tedious +old story; a man loses heart and begins to go down in the world; a girl +appears, brave and strong of heart, and gives him a hand to help him +to rise again. Such situations are pretty, but they are only found in +novels and not in real life. + +SASHA. No, they are found in real life too. + +IVANOFF. Now I see how well you understand real life! My sufferings seem +noble to you; you imagine you have discovered in me a second Hamlet; +but my state of mind in all its phases is only fit to furnish food for +contempt and derision. My contortions are ridiculous enough to make any +one die of laughter, and you want to play the guardian angel; you want +to do a noble deed and save me. Oh, how I hate myself to-day! I feel +that this tension must soon be relieved in some way. Either I shall +break something, or else-- + +SASHA. That is exactly what you need. Let yourself go! Smash something; +break it to pieces; give a yell! You are angry with me, it was foolish +of me to come here. Very well, then, get excited about it; storm at me; +stamp your feet! Well, aren't you getting angry? + +IVANOFF. You ridiculous girl! + +SASHA. Splendid! So we are smiling at last! Be kind, do me the favour of +smiling once more! + +IVANOFF. [Laughing] I have noticed that whenever you start reforming +me and saving my soul, and teaching me how to be good, your face grows +naive, oh so naive, and your eyes grow as wide as if you were looking at +a comet. Wait a moment; your shoulder is covered with dust. [He brushes +her shoulder] A naive man is nothing better than a fool, but you women +contrive to be naive in such a way that in you it seems sweet, and +gentle, and proper, and not as silly as it really is. What a strange way +you have, though, of ignoring a man as long as he is well and happy, +and fastening yourselves to him as soon as he begins to whine and go +down-hill! Do you actually think it is worse to be the wife of a strong +man than to nurse some whimpering invalid? + +SASHA. Yes, it is worse. + +IVANOFF. Why do you think so? [Laughing loudly] It is a good thing +Darwin can't hear what you are saying! He would be furious with you for +degrading the human race. Soon, thanks to your kindness, only invalids +and hypochondriacs will be born into the world. + +SASHA. There are a great many things a man cannot understand. Any girl +would rather love an unfortunate man than a fortunate one, because every +girl would like to do something by loving. A man has his work to do, and +so for him love is kept in the background. To talk to his wife, to walk +with her in the garden, to pass the time pleasantly with her, that is +all that love means to a man. But for us, love means life. I love you; +that means that I dream only of how I shall cure you of your sadness, +how I shall go with you to the ends of the earth. If you are in heaven, +I am in heaven; if you are in the pit, I am in the pit. For instance, it +would be the greatest happiness for me to write all night for you, or to +watch all night that no one should wake you. I remember that three years +ago, at threshing time, you came to us all dusty and sunburnt and tired, +and asked for a drink. When I brought you a glass of water you were +already lying on the sofa and sleeping like a dead man. You slept there +for half a day, and all that time I watched by the door that no one +should disturb you. How happy I was! The more a girl can do, the greater +her love will be; that is, I mean, the more she feels it. + +IVANOFF. The love that accomplishes things--hm--that is a fairy tale, +a girl's dream; and yet, perhaps it is as it should be. [He shrugs his +shoulders] How can I tell? [Gaily] On my honour, Sasha, I really am +quite a respectable man. Judge for yourself: I have always liked to +discuss things, but I have never in my life said that our women were +corrupt, or that such and such a woman was on the down-hill path. I have +always been grateful, and nothing more. No, nothing more. Dear child, +how comical you are! And what a ridiculous old stupid I am! I shock all +good Christian folk, and go about complaining from morning to night. +[He laughs and then leaves her suddenly] But you must go, Sasha; we have +forgotten ourselves. + +SASHA. Yes, it is time to go. Good-bye. I am afraid that that honest +doctor of yours will have told Anna out of a sense of duty that I am +here. Take my advice: go at once to your wife and stay with her. Stay, +and stay, and stay, and if it should be for a year, you must still +stay, or for ten years. It is your duty. You must repent, and ask her +forgiveness, and weep. That is what you ought to do, and the great thing +is not to forget to do right. + +IVANOFF. Again I feel as if I were going crazy; again! + +SASHA. Well, heaven help you! You must forget me entirely. In two weeks +you must send me a line and I shall be content with that. But I shall +write to you-- + +BORKIN looks in at the door. + +BORKIN. Ivanoff, may I come in? [He sees SASHA] I beg your pardon, I did +not see you. Bonjour! [He bows.] + +SASHA. [Embarrassed] How do you do? + +BORKIN. You are plumper and prettier than ever. + +SASHA. [To IVANOFF] I must go, Nicholas, I must go. [She goes out.] + +BORKIN. What a beautiful apparition! I came expecting prose and found +poetry instead. [Sings] + +"You showed yourself to the world as a bird----" + +IVANOFF walks excitedly up and down. + +BORKIN. [Sits down] There is something in her, Nicholas, that one +doesn't find in other women, isn't there? An elfin strangeness. [He +sighs] Although she is without doubt the richest girl in the country, +her mother is so stingy that no one will have her. After her mother's +death Sasha will have the whole fortune, but until then she will only +give her ten thousand roubles and an old flat-iron, and to get that she +will have to humble herself to the ground. [He feels in his pockets] +Will you have a smoke? [He offers IVANOFF his cigarette case] These are +very good. + +IVANOFF. [Comes toward BORKIN stifled with rage] Leave my house this +instant, and don't you ever dare to set foot in it again! Go this +instant! + +BORKIN gets up and drops his cigarette. + +IVANOFF. Go at once! + +BORKIN. Nicholas, what do you mean? Why are you so angry? + +IVANOFF. Why! Where did you get those cigarettes? Where? You think +perhaps that I don't know where you take the old man every day, and for +what purpose? + +BORKIN. [Shrugs his shoulders] What business is it of yours? + +IVANOFF. You blackguard, you! The disgraceful rumours that you have been +spreading about me have made me disreputable in the eyes of the whole +countryside. You and I have nothing in common, and I ask you to leave my +house this instant. + +BORKIN. I know that you are saying all this in a moment of irritation, +and so I am not angry with you. Insult me as much as you please. [He +picks up his cigarette] It is time though, to shake off this melancholy +of yours; you're not a schoolboy. + +IVANOFF. What did I tell you? [Shuddering] Are you making fun of me? + +Enter ANNA. + +BORKIN. There now, there comes Anna! I shall go. + +IVANOFF stops near the table and stands with his head bowed. + +ANNA. [After a pause] What did she come here for? What did she come here +for, I ask you? + +IVANOFF. Don't ask me, Annie. [A pause] I am terribly guilty. Think +of any punishment you want to inflict on me; I can stand anything, but +don't, oh, don't ask questions! + +ANNA. [Angrily] So that is the sort of man you are? Now I understand +you, and can see how degraded, how dishonourable you are! Do you +remember that you came to me once and lied to me about your love? I +believed you, and left my mother, my father, and my faith to follow you. +Yes, you lied to me of goodness and honour, of your noble aspirations +and I believed every word---- + +IVANOFF. I have never lied to you, Annie. + +ANNA. I have lived with you five years now, and I am tired and ill, but +I have always loved you and have never left you for a moment. You +have been my idol, and what have you done? All this time you have been +deceiving me in the most dastardly way---- + +IVANOFF. Annie, don't say what isn't so. I have made mistakes, but I +have never told a lie in my life. You dare not accuse me of that! + +ANNA. It is all clear to me now. You married me because you expected my +mother and father to forgive me and give you my money; that is what you +expected. + +IVANOFF. Good Lord, Annie! If I must suffer like this, I must have the +patience to bear it. [He begins to weep.] + +ANNA. Be quiet! When you found that I wasn't bringing you any money, +you tried another game. Now I remember and understand everything. [She +begins to cry] You have never loved me or been faithful to me--never! + +IVANOFF. Sarah! That is a lie! Say what you want, but don't insult me +with a lie! + +ANNA. You dishonest, degraded man! You owe money to Lebedieff, and now, +to escape paying your debts, you are trying to turn the head of his +daughter and betray her as you have betrayed me. Can you deny it? + +IVANOFF. [Stifled with rage] For heaven's sake, be quiet! I can't answer +for what I may do! I am choking with rage and I--I might insult you! + +ANNA. I am not the only one whom you have basely deceived. You have +always blamed Borkin for all your dishonest tricks, but now I know whose +they are. + +IVANOFF. Sarah, stop at once and go away, or else I shall say something +terrible. I long to say a dreadful, cruel thing [He shrieks] Hold your +tongue, Jewess! + +ANNA. I won't hold my tongue! You have deceived me too long for me to be +silent now. + +IVANOFF. So you won't be quiet? [He struggles with himself] Go, for +heaven's sake! + +ANNA. Go now, and betray Sasha! + +IVANOFF. Know then that you--are dying! The doctor told me that you are +dying. + +ANNA. [Sits down and speaks in a low voice] When did he + +IVANOFF. [Clutches his head with both hands] Oh, how guilty I am--how +guilty! [He sobs.] + +The curtain falls. + +About a year passes between the third and fourth acts. + + + + +ACT IV + +A sitting-room in LEBEDIEFF'S house. In the middle of the wall at the +back of the room is an arch dividing the sitting-room from the ballroom. +To the right and left are doors. Some old bronzes are placed about the +room; family portraits are hanging on the walls. Everything is arranged +as if for some festivity. On the piano lies a violin; near it stands a +violoncello. During the entire act guests, dressed as for a ball, are +seen walking about in the ball-room. + +Enter LVOFF, looking at his watch. + +LVOFF. It is five o'clock. The ceremony must have begun. First the +priest will bless them, and then they will be led to the church to be +married. Is this how virtue and justice triumph? Not being able to rob +Sarah, he has tortured her to death; and now he has found another victim +whom he will deceive until he has robbed her, and then he will get rid +of her as he got rid of poor Sarah. It is the same old sordid story. +[A pause] He will live to a fine old age in the seventh heaven of +happiness, and will die with a clear conscience. No, Ivanoff, it shall +not be! I shall drag your villainy to light! And when I tear off that +accursed mask of yours and show you to the world as the blackguard you +are, you shall come plunging down headfirst from your seventh heaven, +into a pit so deep that the devil himself will not be able to drag you +out of it! I am a man of honour; it is my duty to interfere in such +cases as yours, and to open the eyes of the blind. I shall fulfil my +mission, and to-morrow will find me far away from this accursed +place. [Thoughtfully] But what shall I do? To have an explanation +with Lebedieff would be a hopeless task. Shall I make a scandal, and +challenge Ivanoff to a duel? I am as excited as a child, and have +entirely lost the power of planning anything. What shall I do? Shall I +fight a duel? + +Enter KOSICH. He goes gaily up to LVOFF. + +KOSICH. I declared a little slam in clubs yesterday, and made a grand +slam! Only that man Barabanoff spoilt the whole game for me again. +We were playing--well, I said "No trumps" and he said "Pass." "Two in +clubs," he passed again. I made it two in hearts. He said "Three in +clubs," and just imagine, can you, what happened? I declared a little +slam and he never showed his ace! If he had showed his ace, the villain, +I should have declared a grand slam in no trumps! + +LVOFF. Excuse me, I don't play cards, and so it is impossible for me to +share your enthusiasm. When does the ceremony begin? + +KOSICH. At once, I think. They are now bringing Zuzu to herself again. +She is bellowing like a bull; she can't bear to see the money go. + +LVOFF. And what about the daughter? + +KOSICH. No, it is the money. She doesn't like this affair anyway. He is +marrying her daughter, and that means he won't pay his debts for a long +time. One can't sue one's son-in-law. + +MARTHA, very much dressed up, struts across the stage past LVOFF and +KOSICH. The latter bursts out laughing behind his hand. MARTHA looks +around. + +MARTHA. Idiot! + +KOSICH digs her in the ribs and laughs loudly. + +MARTHA. Boor! + +KOSICH. [Laughing] The woman's head has been turned. Before she fixed +her eye on a title she was like any other woman, but there is no coming +near her now! [Angrily] A boor, indeed! + +LVOFF. [Excitedly] Listen to me; tell me honestly, what do you think of +Ivanoff? + +KOSICH. He's no good at all. He plays cards like a lunatic. This is what +happened last year during Lent: I, the Count, Borkin and he, sat down to +a game of cards. I led a---- + +LVOFF [Interrupting him] Is he a good man? + +KOSICH. He? Yes, he's a good one! He and the Count are a pair of trumps. +They have keen noses for a good game. First, Ivanoff set his heart on +the Jewess, then, when his schemes failed in that quarter, he turned his +thoughts toward Zuzu's money-bags. I'll wager you he'll ruin Zuzu in +a year. He will ruin Zuzu, and the Count will ruin Martha. They will +gather up all the money they can lay hands on, and live happily ever +after! But, doctor, why are you so pale to-day? You look like a ghost. + +LVOFF. Oh, it's nothing. I drank a little too much yesterday. + +Enter LEBEDIEFF with SASHA. + +LEBEDIEFF. We can have our talk here. [To LVOFF and KOSICH] Go into the +ball-room, you two old fogies, and talk to the girls. Sasha and I want +to talk alone here. + +KOSICH. [Snapping his fingers enthusiastically as he goes by SASHA] What +a picture! A queen of trumps! + +LEBEDIEFF. Go along, you old cave-dweller; go along. + +KOSICH and LVOFF go out. + +LEBEDIEFF. Sit down, Sasha, there--[He sits down and looks about him] +Listen to me attentively and with proper respect. The fact is, your +mother has asked me to say this, do you understand? I am not speaking +for myself. Your mother told me to speak to you. + +SASHA. Papa, do say it briefly! + +LEBEDIEFF. When you are married we mean to give you fifteen thousand +roubles. Please don't let us have any discussion about it afterward. +Wait, now! Be quiet! That is only the beginning. The best is yet +to come. We have allotted you fifteen thousand roubles, but in +consideration of the fact that Nicholas owes your mother nine thousand, +that sum will have to be deducted from the amount we mean to give you. +Very well. Now, beside that---- + +SASHA. Why do you tell me all this? + +LEBEDIEFF. Your mother told me to. + +SASHA. Leave me in peace! If you had any respect for yourself or me you +could not permit yourself to speak to me in this way. I don't want your +money! I have not asked for it, and never shall. + +LEBEDIEFF. What are you attacking me for? The two rats in Gogol's fable +sniffed first and then ran away, but you attack without even sniffing. + +SASHA. Leave me in peace, and do not offend my ears with your two-penny +calculations. + +LEBEDIEFF. [Losing his temper] Bah! You all, every one of you, do all +you can to make me cut my throat or kill somebody. One of you screeches +and fusses all day and counts every penny, and the other is so clever +and humane and emancipated that she cannot understand her own father! +I offend your ears, do I? Don't you realise that before I came here to +offend your ears I was being torn to pieces over there, [He points to +the door] literally drawn and quartered? So you cannot understand? You +two have addled my brain till I am utterly at my wits' end; indeed I am! +[He goes toward the door, and stops] I don't like this business at all; +I don't like any thing about you-- + +SASHA. What is it, especially, that you don't like? + +LEBEDIEFF. Everything, everything! + +SASHA. What do you mean by everything? + +LEBEDIEFF. Let me explain exactly what I mean. Everything displeases me. +As for your marriage, I simply can't abide it. [He goes up to SASHA and +speaks caressingly] Forgive me, little Sasha, this marriage may be a +wise one; it may be honest and not misguided, nevertheless, there is +something about the whole affair that is not right; no, not right! You +are not marrying as other girls do; you are young and fresh and pure +as a drop of water, and he is a widower, battered and worn. Heaven help +him. I don't understand him at all. [He kisses his daughter] Forgive +me for saying so, Sasha, but I am sure there is something crooked about +this affair; it is making a great deal of talk. It seems people are +saying that first Sarah died, and then suddenly Ivanoff wanted to marry +you. [Quickly] But, no, I am like an old woman; I am gossiping like a +magpie. You must not listen to me or any one, only to your own heart. + +SASHA. Papa, I feel myself that there is something wrong about my +marriage. Something wrong, yes, wrong! Oh, if you only knew how heavy +my heart is; this is unbearable! I am frightened and ashamed to confess +this; Papa darling, you must help me, for heaven's sake. Oh, can't you +tell me what I should do? + +LEBEDIEFF. What is the matter, Sasha, what is it? + +SASHA. I am so frightened, more frightened than I have ever been before. +[She glances around her] I cannot understand him now, and I never shall. +He has not smiled or looked straight into my eyes once since we have +been engaged. He is forever complaining and apologising for something; +hinting at some crime he is guilty of, and trembling. I am so tired! +There are even moments when I think--I think--that I do not love him as +I should, and when he comes to see us, or talks to me, I get so tired! +What does it mean, dear father? I am afraid. + +LEBEDIEFF. My darling, my only child, do as your old father advises you; +give him up! + +SASHA. [Frightened] Oh! How can you say that? + +LEBEDIEFF. Yes, do it, little Sasha! It will make a scandal, all the +tongues in the country will be wagging about it, but it is better to +live down a scandal than to ruin one's life. + +SASHA. Don't say that, father. Oh, don't. I refuse to listen! I must +crush such gloomy thoughts. He is good and unhappy and misunderstood. I +shall love him and learn to understand him. I shall set him on his feet +again. I shall do my duty. That is settled. + +LEBEDIEFF. This is not your duty, but a delusion-- + +SASHA. We have said enough. I have confessed things to you that I have +not dared to admit even to myself. Don't speak about this to any one. +Let us forget it. + +LEBEDIEFF. I am hopelessly puzzled, and either my mind is going from +old age or else you have all grown very clever, but I'll be hanged if I +understand this business at all. + +Enter SHABELSKI. + +SHABELSKI. Confound you all and myself, too! This is maddening! + +LEBEDIEFF. What do you want? + +SHABELSKI Seriously, I must really do something horrid and rascally, so +that not only I but everybody else will be disgusted by it. I certainly +shall find something to do, upon my word I shall! I have already told +Borkin to announce that I am to be married. [He laughs] Everybody is a +scoundrel and I must be one too! + +LEBEDIEFF. I am tired of you, Matthew. Look here, man you talk in such a +way that, excuse my saying so, you will soon find yourself in a lunatic +asylum! + +SHABELSKI. Could a lunatic asylum possibly be worse than this house, or +any othe r? Kindly take me there at once. Please do! Everybody is +wicked and futile and worthless and stupid; I am an object of disgust to +myself, I don't believe a word I say----- + +LEBEDIEFF. Let me give you a piece of advice, old man; fill your mouth +full of tow, light it, and blow at everybody. Or, better still, take +your hat and go home. This is a wedding, we all want to enjoy ourselves +and you are croaking like a raven. Yes, really. + +SHABELSKI leans on the piano and begins to sob. + +LEBEDIEFF. Good gracious, Matthew, Count! What is it, dear Matthew, old +friend? Have I offended you? There, forgive me; I didn't mean to hurt +you. Come, drink some water. + +SHABELSKI. I don't want any water. [Raises his head.] + +LEBEDIEFF. What are you crying about? + +SHABELSKI. Nothing in particular; I was just crying. + +LEBEDIEFF. Matthew, tell me the truth, what is it? What has happened? + +SHABELSKI. I caught sight of that violoncello, and--and--I remembered +the Jewess. + +LEBEDIEFF. What an unfortunate moment you have chosen to remember her. +Peace be with her! But don't think of her now. + +SHABELSKI. We used to play duets together. She was a beautiful, a +glorious woman. + +SASHA sobs. + +LEBEDIEFF. What, are you crying too? Stop, Sasha! Dear me, they are both +howling now, and I--and I--Do go away; the guests will see you! + +SHABELSKI. Paul, when the sun is shining, it is gay even in a cemetery. +One can be cheerful even in old age if it is lighted by hope; but I have +nothing to hope for--not a thing! + +LEBEDIEFF. Yes, it is rather sad for you. You have no children, no +money, no occupation. Well, but what is there to be done about it? [To +SASHA] What is the matter with you, Sasha? + +SHABELSKI. Paul, give me some money. I will repay you in the next world. +I would go to Paris and see my wife's grave. I have given away a great +deal of money in my life, half my fortune indeed, and I have a right to +ask for some now. Besides, I am asking a friend. + +LEBEDIEFF. [Embarrassed] My dear boy, I haven't a penny. All +right though. That is to say, I can't promise anything, but you +understand--very well, very well. [Aside] This is agony! + +Enter MARTHA. + +MARTHA. Where is my partner? Count, how dare you leave me alone? You are +horrid! [She taps SHABELSKI on the arm with her fan] + +SHABELSKI. [Impatiently] Leave me alone! I can't abide you! + +MARTHA. [Frightened] How? What? + +SHABELSKI. Go away! + +MARTHA. [Sinks into an arm-chair] Oh! Oh! Oh! [She bursts into tears.] + +Enter ZINAIDA crying. + +ZINAIDA. Some one has just arrived; it must be one of the ushers. It is +time for the ceremony to begin. + +SASHA. [Imploringly] Mother! + +LEBEDIEFF. Well, now you are all bawling. What a quartette! Come, come, +don't let us have any more of this dampness! Matthew! Martha! If you go +on like this, I--I--shall cry too. [Bursts into tears] Heavens! + +ZINAIDA. If you don't need your mother any more, if you are determined +not to obey her, I shall have to do as you want, and you have my +blessing. + +Enter IVANOFF, dressed in a long coat, with gloves on. + +LEBEDIEFF This is the finishing touch! What do you want? + +SHABELSKI. Why are you here? + +IVANOFF. I beg your pardon, you must allow me to speak to Sasha alone. + +LEBEDIEFF. The bridegroom must not come to see the bride before the +wedding. It is time for you to go to the church. + +IVANOFF. Paul, I implore you. + +LEBEDIEFF shrugs his shoulders. LEBEDIEFF, ZINAIDA, SHABELSKI, and +MARTHA go out. + +SASHA. [Sternly] What do you want? + +IVANOFF. I am choking with anger; I cannot speak calmly. Listen to me; +as I was dressing just now for the wedding, I looked in the glass and +saw how grey my temples were. Sasha, this must not be! Let us end this +senseless comedy before it is too late. You are young and pure; you have +all your life before you, but I---- + +SASHA. The same old story; I have heard it a thousand times and I am +tired of it. Go quickly to the church and don't keep everybody waiting! + +IVANOFF. I shall go straight home, and you must explain to your family +somehow that there is to be no wedding. Explain it as you please. It is +time we came to our senses. I have been playing the part of Hamlet and +you have been playing the part of a noble and devoted girl. We have kept +up the farce long enough. + +SASHA. [Losing her temper] How can you speak to me like this? I won't +have it. + +IVANOFF. But I am speaking, and will continue to speak. + +SASHA. What do you mean by coming to me like this? Your melancholy has +become absolutely ridiculous! + +IVANOFF. No, this is not melancholy. It is ridiculous, is it? Yes, I am +laughing, and if it were possible for me to laugh at myself a thousand +times more bitterly I should do so and set the whole world laughing, +too, in derision. A fierce light has suddenly broken over my soul; as I +looked into the glass just now, I laughed at myself, and nearly went mad +with shame. [He laughs] Melancholy indeed! Noble grief! Uncontrollable +sorrow! It only remains for me now to begin to write verses! Shall I +mope and complain, sadden everybody I meet, confess that my manhood +has gone forever, that I have decayed, outlived my purpose, that I +have given myself up to cowardice and am bound hand and foot by this +loathsome melancholy? Shall I confess all this when the sun is shining +so brightly and when even the ants are carrying their little burdens in +peaceful self-content? No, thanks. Can I endure the knowledge that one +will look upon me as a fraud, while another pities me, a third lends +me a helping hand, or worst of all, a fourth listens reverently to my +sighs, looks upon me as a new Mahomet, and expects me to expound a new +religion every moment? No, thank God for the pride and conscience he has +left me still. On my way here I laughed at myself, and it seemed to me +that the flowers and birds were laughing mockingly too. + +SASHA. This is not anger, but madness! + +IVANOFF. You think so, do you? No, I am not mad. I see things in their +right light now, and my mind is as clear as your conscience. We love +each other, but we shall never be married. It makes no difference how I +rave and grow bitter by myself, but I have no right to drag another +down with me. My melancholy robbed my wife of the last year of her life. +Since you have been engaged to me you have forgotten how to laugh and +have aged five years. Your father, to whom life was always simple and +clear, thanks to me, is now unable to understand anybody. Wherever I go, +whether hunting or visiting, it makes no difference, I carry depression, +dulness, and discontent along with me. Wait! Don't interrupt me! I am +bitter and harsh, I know, but I am stifled with rage. I cannot speak +otherwise. I have never lied, and I never used to find fault with my +lot, but since I have begun to complain of everything, I find fault with +it involuntarily, and against my will. When I murmur at my fate every +one who hears me is seized with the same disgust of life and begins to +grumble too. And what a strange way I have of looking at things! +Exactly as if I were doing the world a favour by living in it. Oh, I am +contemptible. + +SASHA. Wait a moment. From what you have just said, it is obvious that +you are tired of your melancholy mood, and that the time has come for +you to begin life afresh. How splendid! + +IVANOFF. I don't see anything splendid about it. How can I lead a new +life? I am lost forever. It is time we both understood that. A new life +indeed! + +SASHA. Nicholas, come to your senses. How can you say you are lost? What +do you mean by such cynicism? No, I won't listen to you or talk with +you. Go to the church! + +IVANOFF. I am lost! + +SASHA. Don't talk so loud; our guests will hear you! + +IVANOFF. If an intelligent, educated, and healthy man begins to complain +of his lot and go down-hill, there is nothing for him to do but to go on +down until he reaches the bottom--there is no hope for him. Where could +my salvation come from? How can I save myself? I cannot drink, because +it makes my head ache. I never could write bad poetry. I cannot pray for +strength and see anything lofty in the languor of my soul. Laziness is +laziness and weakness weakness. I can find no other names for them. I +am lost, I am lost; there is no doubt of that. [Looking around] Some one +might come in; listen, Sasha, if you love me you must help me. Renounce +me this minute; quickly! + +SASHA. Oh, Nicholas! If you only knew how you are torturing me; what +agony I have to endure for your sake! Good thoughtful friend, judge for +yourself; can I possibly solve such a problem? Each day you put some +horrible problem before me, each one more difficult than the last. I +wanted to help you with my love, but this is martyrdom! + +IVANOFF. And when you are my wife the problems will be harder than ever. +Understand this: it is not love that is urging you to take this step, +but the obstinacy of an honest nature. You have undertaken to reawaken +the man in me and to save me in the face of every difficulty, and you +are flattered by the hope of achieving your object. You are willing to +give up now, but you are prevented from doing it by a feeling that is a +false one. Understand yourself! + +SASHA. What strange, wild reasoning! How can I give you up now? How +can I? You have no mother, or sister, or friends. You are ruined; your +estate has been destroyed; every one is speaking ill of you-- + +IVANOFF. It was foolish of me to come here; I should have done as I +wanted to-- + +Enter LEBEDIEFF. + +SASHA. [Running to her father] Father! He has rushed over here like a +madman, and is torturing me! He insists that I should refuse to marry +him; he says he doesn't want to drag me down with him. Tell him that I +won't accept his generosity. I know what I am doing! + +LEBEDIEFF. I can't understand a word of what you are saying. What +generosity? + +IVANOFF. This marriage is not going to take place. + +SASHA. It is going to take place. Papa, tell him that it is going to +take place. + +LEBEDIEFF. Wait! Wait! What objection have you to the marriage? + +IVANOFF. I have explained it all to her, but she refuses to understand +me. + +LEBEDIEFF. Don't explain it to her, but to me, and explain it so that I +may understand. God forgive you, Nicholas, you have brought a great deal +of darkness into our lives. I feel as if I were living in a museum; I +look about me and don't understand anything I see. This is torture. What +on earth can an old man like me do with you? Shall I challenge you to a +duel? + +IVANOFF. There is no need of a duel. All you need is a head on your +shoulders and a knowledge of the Russian language. + +SASHA. [Walks up and down in great excitement] This is dreadful, +dreadful! Absolutely childish. + +LEBEDIEFF. Listen to me, Nicholas; from your point of view what you are +doing is quite right and proper, according to the rules of psychology, +but I think this affair is a scandal and a great misfortune. I am an old +man; hear me out for the last time. This is what I want to say to you: +calm yourself; look at things simply, as every one else does; this is +a simple world. The ceiling is white; your boots are black; sugar is +sweet. You love Sasha and she loves you. If you love her, stay with +her; if you don't, leave her. We shan't blame you. It is all perfectly +simple. You are two healthy, intelligent, moral young people; thank God, +you both have food and clothing--what more do you want? What if you +have no money? That is no great misfortune--happiness is not bought with +wealth. Of course your estate is mortgaged, Nicholas, as I know, and you +have no money to pay the interest on the debt, but I am Sasha's father. +I understand. Her mother can do as she likes--if she won't give any +money, why, confound her, then she needn't, that's all! Sasha has just +said that she does not want her part of it. As for your principles, +Schopenhauer and all that, it is all folly. I have one hundred thousand +roubles in the bank. [Looking around him] Not a soul in the house knows +it; it was my grandmother's money. That shall be for you both. Take it, +give Matthew two thousand-- + +[The guests begin to collect in the ball-room]. + +IVANOFF. It is no use discussing it any more, I must act as my +conscience bids me. + +SASHA. And I shall act as my conscience bids me--you may say what you +please; I refuse to let you go! I am going to call my mother. + +LEBEDIEFF. I am utterly puzzled. + +IVANOFF. Listen to me, poor old friend. I shall not try to explain +myself to you. I shall not tell you whether I am honest or a rascal, +healthy or mad; you wouldn't understand me. I was young once; I have +been eager and sincere and intelligent. I have loved and hated and +believed as no one else has. I have worked and hoped and tilted against +windmills with the strength of ten--not sparing my strength, not knowing +what life was. I shouldered a load that broke my back. I drank, I +worked, I excited myself, my energy knew no bounds. Tell me, could I +have done otherwise? There are so few of us and so much to do, so much +to do! And see how cruelly fate has revenged herself on me, who fought +with her so bravely! I am a broken man. I am old at thirty. I have +submitted myself to old age. With a heavy head and a sluggish mind, +weary, used up, discouraged, without faith or love or an object in life, +I wander like a shadow among other men, not knowing why I am alive or +what it is that I want. Love seems to me to be folly, caresses false. +I see no sense in working or playing, and all passionate speeches seem +insipid and tiresome. So I carry my sadness with me wherever I go; a +cold weariness, a discontent, a horror of life. Yes, I am lost for ever +and ever. Before you stands a man who at thirty-five is disillusioned, +wearied by fruitless efforts, burning with shame, and mocking at his own +weakness. Oh, how my pride rebels against it all! What mad fury chokes +me! [He staggers] I am staggering--my strength is failing me. Where is +Matthew? Let him take me home. + +[Voices from the ball-room] The best man has arrived! + +Enter SHABELSKI. + +SHABELSKI. In an old worn-out coat--without gloves! How many scornful +glances I get for it! Such silly jokes and vulgar grins! Disgusting +people. + +Enter BORKIN quickly. He is carrying a bunch of flowers and is in a +dress-coat. He wears a flower in his buttonhole. + +BORKIN. This is dreadful! Where is he? [To IVANOFF] They have been +waiting for you for a long time in the church, and here you are talking +philosophy! What a funny chap you are. Don't you know you must not go +to church with the bride, but alone, with me? I shall then come back for +her. Is it possible you have not understood that? You certainly are an +extraordinary man! + +Enter LVOFF. + +LVOFF. [To IVANOFF] Ah! So you are here? [Loudly] Nicholas Ivanoff, I +denounce you to the world as a scoundrel! + +IVANOFF. [Coldly] Many thanks! + +BORKIN. [To LVOFF] Sir, this is dastardly! I challenge you to a duel! + +LVOFF. Monsieur Borkin, I count it a disgrace not only to fight with +you, but even to talk to you! Monsieur Ivanoff, however, can receive +satisfaction from me whenever he chooses! + +SHABELSKI. Sir, I shall fight you! + +SASHA. [To LVOFF] Why, oh why, have you insulted him? Gentlemen, I beg +you, let him tell me why he has insulted him. + +LVOFF. Miss Sasha, I have not insulted him without cause. I came here +as a man of honour, to open your eyes, and I beg you to listen to what I +have to tell you. + +SASHA. What can you possibly have to tell me? That you are a man of +honour? The whole world knows it. You had better tell me on your honour +whether you understand what you have done or not. You have come in +here as a man of honour and have insulted him so terribly that you have +nearly killed me. When you used to follow him like a shadow and almost +keep him from living, you were convinced that you were doing your duty +and that you were acting like a man of honour. When you interfered in +his private affairs, maligned him and criticised him; when you sent me +and whomever else you could, anonymous letters, you imagined yourself to +be an honourable man! And, thinking that that too was honourable, you, +a doctor, did not even spare his dying wife or give her a moment's peace +from your suspicions. And no matter what violence, what cruel wrong you +committed, you still imagined yourself to be an unusually honourable and +clear-sighted man. + +IVANOFF. [Laughing] This is not a wedding, but a parliament! Bravo! +Bravo! + +SASHA. [To LVOFF] Now, think it over! Do you see what sort of a man you +are, or not? Oh, the stupid, heartless people! [Takes IVANOFF by the +hand] Come away from here Nicholas! Come, father, let us go! + +IVANOFF. Where shall we go? Wait a moment. I shall soon put an end to +the whole thing. My youth is awake in me again; the former Ivanoff is +here once more. + +[He takes out a revolver.] + +SASHA. [Shrieking] I know what he wants to do! Nicholas, for God's sake! + +IVANOFF. I have been slipping down-hill long enough. Now, halt! It is +time to know what honour is. Out of the way! Thank you, Sasha! + +SASHA. [Shrieking] Nicholas! For God's sake hold him! + +IVANOFF. Let go! [He rushes aside, and shoots himself.] + +The curtain falls. + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Ivanoff, by Anton Checkov + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK IVANOFF *** + +***** This file should be named 1755.txt or 1755.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/1/7/5/1755/ + +Produced by An Anonymous Volunteer + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, +set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to +copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to +protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. 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