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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/1990-0.txt b/1990-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..1868ca2 --- /dev/null +++ b/1990-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,2325 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Bedford-Row Conspiracy, by +William Makepeace Thackeray + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Bedford-Row Conspiracy + +Author: William Makepeace Thackeray + +Posting Date: September 21, 2008 [EBook #1990] +Last Updated: March 5, 2018 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: UTF-8 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE BEDFORD-ROW CONSPIRACY *** + + + + +Produced by Les Bowler + + + + + +THE BEDFORD-ROW CONSPIRACY + +By William Makepeace Thackeray + + +Contents. + + I. Of the loves of Mr. Perkins and Miss Gorgon, and of the two + great factions in the town of Oldborough. + + II. Shows how the plot began to thicken in or about Bedford Row. + + III. Behind the scenes. + + + Note: + + A story of Charles de Bernard furnished the plot of + “The Bedford-Row Conspiracy.” + + + + +THE BEDFORD-ROW CONSPIRACY + + + + +CHAPTER I. + + +OF THE LOVES OF MR. PERKINS AND MISS GORGON, AND OF THE TWO GREAT +FACTIONS IN THE TOWN OF OLDBOROUGH. + +“My dear John,” cried Lucy, with a very wise look indeed, “it must and +shall be so. As for Doughty Street, with our means, a house is out of +the question. We must keep three servants, and Aunt Biggs says the taxes +are one-and-twenty pounds a year.” + +“I have seen a sweet place at Chelsea,” remarked John: “Paradise Row, +No. 17,--garden--greenhouse--fifty pounds a year--omnibus to town within +a mile.” + +“What! that I may be left alone all day, and you spend a fortune in +driving backward and forward in those horrid breakneck cabs? My darling, +I should die there--die of fright, I know I should. Did you not say +yourself that the road was not as yet lighted, and that the place +swarmed with public-houses and dreadful tipsy Irish bricklayers? Would +you kill me, John?” + +“My da-arling,” said John, with tremendous fondness, clutching Miss +Lucy suddenly round the waist, and rapping the hand of that young person +violently against his waistcoat,--“My da-arling, don't say such things, +even in a joke. If I objected to the chambers, it is only because you, +my love, with your birth and connections, ought to have a house of your +own. The chambers are quite large enough and certainly quite good enough +for me.” And so, after some more sweet parley on the part of these +young people, it was agreed that they should take up their abode, +when married, in a part of the House number One hundred and something, +Bedford Row. + +It will be necessary to explain to the reader that John was no other +than John Perkins, Esquire, of the Middle Temple, barrister-at-law, and +that Miss Lucy was the daughter of the late Captain Gorgon, and Marianne +Biggs, his wife. The Captain being of noble connections, younger son of +a baronet, cousin to Lord X----, and related to the Y---- family, had +angered all his relatives by marrying a very silly pretty young woman, +who kept a ladies'-school at Canterbury. She had six hundred pounds +to her fortune, which the Captain laid out in the purchase of a sweet +travelling-carriage and dressing-case for himself; and going abroad with +his lady, spent several years in the principal prisons of Europe, in one +of which he died. His wife and daughter were meantime supported by the +contributions of Mrs. Jemima Biggs, who still kept the ladies'-school. + +At last a dear old relative--such a one as one reads of in +romances--died and left seven thousand pounds apiece to the two sisters, +whereupon the elder gave up schooling and retired to London; and the +younger managed to live with some comfort and decency at Brussels, +upon two hundred and ten pounds per annum. Mrs. Gorgon never touched +a shilling of her capital, for the very good reason that it was placed +entirely out of her reach; so that when she died, her daughter found +herself in possession of a sum of money that is not always to be met +with in this world. + +Her aunt the baronet's lady, and her aunt the ex-schoolmistress, both +wrote very pressing invitations to her, and she resided with each for +six months after her arrival in England. Now, for a second time, she had +come to Mrs. Biggs, Caroline Place, Mecklenburgh Square. It was under +the roof of that respectable old lady that John Perkins, Esquire, being +invited to take tea, wooed and won Miss Gorgon. + +Having thus described the circumstances of Miss Gorgon's life, let us +pass for a moment from that young lady, and lift up the veil of mystery +which envelopes the deeds and character of Perkins. + +Perkins, too, was an orphan; and he and his Lucy, of summer evenings, +when Sol descending lingered fondly yet about the minarets of the +Foundling, and gilded the grassplots of Mecklenburgh Square--Perkins, +I say, and Lucy would often sit together in the summer-house of that +pleasure-ground, and muse upon the strange coincidences of their life. +Lucy was motherless and fatherless; so too was Perkins. If Perkins was +brotherless and sisterless, was not Lucy likewise an only child? Perkins +was twenty-three: his age and Lucy's united, amounted to forty-six; and +it was to be remarked, as a fact still more extraordinary, that while +Lucy's relatives were AUNTS, John's were UNCLES. Mysterious spirit of +love! let us treat thee with respect and whisper not too many of thy +secrets. The fact is, John and Lucy were a pair of fools (as every young +couple OUGHT to be who have hearts that are worth a farthing), and were +ready to find coincidences, sympathies, hidden gushes of feeling, mystic +unions of the soul, and what not, in every single circumstance that +occurred from the rising of the sun to the going down thereof, and in +the intervals. Bedford Row, where Perkins lived, is not very far from +Mecklenburgh Square; and John used to say that he felt a comfort that +his house and Lucy's were served by the same muffin-man. + +Further comment is needless. A more honest, simple, clever, +warm-hearted, soft, whimsical, romantical, high-spirited young fellow +than John Perkins did not exist. When his father, Doctor Perkins, died, +this, his only son, was placed under the care of John Perkins, Esquire, +of the house of Perkins, Scully, and Perkins, those celebrated attorneys +in the trading town of Oldborough, which the second partner, William +Pitt Scully, Esquire, represented in Parliament and in London. + +All John's fortune was the house in Bedford Row, which, at his father's +death, was let out into chambers, and brought in a clear hundred a +year. Under his uncle's roof at Oldborough, where he lived with thirteen +red-haired male and female cousins, he was only charged fifty pounds +for board, clothes, and pocket-money, and the remainder of his rents +was carefully put by for him until his majority. When he approached +that period--when he came to belong to two spouting-clubs at Oldborough, +among the young merchants and lawyers'-clerks--to blow the flute nicely, +and play a good game at billiards--to have written one or two smart +things in the Oldborough Sentinel--to be fond of smoking (in which act +he was discovered by his fainting aunt at three o'clock one morning)--in +one word, when John Perkins arrived at manhood, he discovered that he +was quite unfit to be an attorney, that he detested all the ways of his +uncle's stern, dull, vulgar, regular, red-headed family, and he vowed +that he would go to London and make his fortune. Thither he went, his +aunt and cousins, who were all “serious,” vowing that he was a lost boy; +and when his history opens, John had been two years in the metropolis, +inhabiting his own garrets; and a very nice compact set of apartments, +looking into the back-garden, at this moment falling vacant, the prudent +Lucy Gorgon had visited them, and vowed that she and her John should +there commence housekeeping. + +All these explanations are tedious, but necessary; and furthermore, it +must be said, that as John's uncle's partner was the Liberal member for +Oldborough, so Lucy's uncle was its Ministerial representative. + +This gentleman, the brother of the deceased Captain Gorgon, lived at the +paternal mansion of Gorgon Castle, and rejoiced in the name and title of +Sir George Grimsby Gorgon. + +He, too, like his younger brother, had married a lady beneath his own +rank in life; having espoused the daughter and heiress of Mr. Hicks, the +great brewer at Oldborough, who held numerous mortgages on the Gorgon +property, all of which he yielded up, together with his daughter +Juliana, to the care of the baronet. + +What Lady Gorgon was in character, this history will show. In person, +if she may be compared to any vulgar animal, one of her father's heavy, +healthy, broad-flanked, Roman-nosed white dray-horses might, to the +poetic mind, appear to resemble her. At twenty she was a splendid +creature, and though not at her full growth, yet remarkable for strength +and sinew; at forty-five she was as fine a woman as any in His Majesty's +dominions. Five feet seven in height, thirteen stone, her own teeth and +hair, she looked as if she were the mother of a regiment of Grenadier +Guards. She had three daughters of her own size, and at length, ten +years after the birth of the last of the young ladies, a son--one +son--George Augustus Frederick Grimsby Gorgon, the godson of a royal +duke, whose steady officer in waiting Sir George had been for many +years. + +It is needless to say, after entering so largely into a description +of Lady Gorgon, that her husband was a little shrivelled wizen-faced +creature, eight inches shorter than her Ladyship. This is the way of +the world, as every single reader of this book must have remarked; for +frolic love delights to join giants and pigmies of different sexes in +the bonds of matrimony. When you saw her Ladyship in flame-coloured +satin and gorgeous toque and feathers, entering the drawing-room, as +footmen along the stairs shouted melodiously, “Sir George and Lady +Gorgon,” you beheld in her company a small withered old gentleman, with +powder and large royal household buttons, who tripped at her elbow as a +little weak-legged colt does at the side of a stout mare. + +The little General had been present at about a hundred and twenty +pitched battles on Hounslow Heath and Wormwood Scrubs, but had never +drawn his sword against an enemy. As might be expected, therefore, his +talk and tenue were outrageously military. He had the whole Army List by +heart--that is, as far as the field-officers: all below them he scorned. +A bugle at Gorgon Castle always sounded at breakfast, and dinner: a gun +announced sunset. He clung to his pigtail for many years after the army +had forsaken that ornament, and could never be brought to think much of +the Peninsular men for giving it up. When he spoke of the Duke, he used +to call him “MY LORD WELLINGTON--I RECOLLECT HIM AS CAPTAIN WELLESLEY.” + He swore fearfully in conversation, was most regular at church, and +regularly read to his family and domestics the morning and evening +prayer; he bullied his daughters, seemed to bully his wife, who led him +whither she chose; gave grand entertainments, and never asked a friend +by chance; had splendid liveries, and starved his people; and was +as dull, stingy, pompous, insolent, cringing, ill-tempered a little +creature as ever was known. + +With such qualities you may fancy that he was generally admired in +society and by his country. So he was: and I never knew a man so +endowed whose way through life was not safe--who had fewer pangs of +conscience--more positive enjoyments--more respect shown to him--more +favours granted to him, than such a one as my friend the General. + +Her Ladyship was just suited to him, and they did in reality admire +each other hugely. Previously to her marriage with the baronet, many +love-passages had passed between her and William Pitt Scully, Esquire, +the attorney; and there was especially one story, a propos of certain +syllabubs and Sally-Lunn cakes, which seemed to show that matters had +gone very far. Be this as it may, no sooner did the General (Major +Gorgon he was then) cast an eye on her, than Scully's five years' fabric +of love was instantly dashed to the ground. She cut him pitilessly, +cut Sally Scully, his sister, her dearest friend and confidante, and +bestowed her big person upon the little aide-de-camp at the end of a +fortnight's wooing. In the course of time their mutual fathers died; +the Gorgon estates were unencumbered: patron of both the seats in the +borough of Oldborough, and occupant of one, Sir George Grimsby Gorgon, +Baronet, was a personage of no small importance. + +He was, it scarcely need to be said, a Tory; and this was the reason +why William Pitt Scully, Esquire, of the firm of Perkins and Scully, +deserted those principles in which he had been bred and christened; +deserted that church which he had frequented, for he could not bear to +see Sir George and my Lady flaunting in their grand pew;--deserted, I +say, the church, adopted the conventicle, and became one of the most +zealous and eloquent supporters that Freedom has known in our time. +Scully, of the house of Scully and Perkins, was a dangerous enemy. In +five years from that marriage, which snatched from the jilted solicitor +his heart's young affections, Sir George Gorgon found that he must +actually spend seven hundred pounds to keep his two seats. At the next +election, a Liberal was set up against his man, and actually ran +him hard; and finally, at the end of eighteen years, the rejected +Scully--the mean attorney--was actually the FIRST Member for Oldborough, +Sir George Grimsby Gorgon, Baronet, being only the second! + +The agony of that day cannot be imagined--the dreadful curses of Sir +George, who saw fifteen hundred a year robbed from under his very +nose--the religious resignation of my Lady--the hideous window-smashing +that took place at the “Gorgon Arms,” and the discomfiture of the pelted +Mayor and Corporation. The very next Sunday, Scully was reconciled to +the church (or attended it in the morning, and the meeting twice in the +afternoon), and as Doctor Snorter uttered the prayer for the High Court +of Parliament, his eye, the eye of his whole party--turned towards Lady +Gorgon and Sir George in a most unholy triumph. Sir George (who always +stood during prayers, like a military man) fairly sank down among the +hassocks, and Lady Gorgon was heard to sob as audibly as ever did little +beadle-belaboured urchin. + +Scully, when at Oldborough, came from that day forth to church. “What,” + said he, “was it to him? were we not all brethren?” Old Perkins, +however, kept religiously to the Squaretoes congregation. In fact, to +tell the truth, this subject had been debated between the partners, +who saw the advantage of courting both the Establishment and the +Dissenters--a manoeuvre which, I need not say, is repeated in almost +every country town in England, where a solicitor's house has this kind +of power and connection. + +Three months after this election came the races at Oldborough, and the +race-ball. Gorgon was so infuriated by his defeat, that he gave “the +Gorgon cup and cover,” a matter of fifteen pounds. Scully, “although +anxious,” as he wrote from town, “anxious beyond measure to preserve +the breed of horses for which our beloved country has ever been famous, +could attend no such sports as these, which but too often degenerated +into vice.” It was voted a shabby excuse. Lady Gorgon was radiant in her +barouche and four, and gladly became the patroness of the ball that was +to ensue; and which all the gentry and townspeople, Tory and Whig, were +in the custom of attending. The ball took place on the last day of the +races. On that day, the walls of the market-house, the principal public +buildings, and the “Gorgon Arms Hotel” itself, were plastered with the +following:-- + +“Letter from our distinguished representative, William P. Scully, +Esquire, etc., etc. + + “HOUSE OF COMMONS: June 1, 18--. + +“MY DEAR HEELTAP,--You know my opinion about horseracing, and though +I blame neither you nor any brother Englishman who enjoys that manly +sport, you will, I am sure, appreciate the conscientious motives +which induce me not to appear among my friends and constituents on the +festival of the 3rd, 4th, and 5th instant. If _I_, however, cannot +allow my name to appear among your list of stewards, ONE at least of the +representatives of Oldborough has no such scruples. Sir George Gorgon is +among you: and though I differ from that honourable Baronet on more than +ONE VITAL POINT, I am glad to think that he is with you. A gentleman, a +soldier, a man of property in the county, how can he be better employed +than in forwarding the county's amusements, and in forwarding the +happiness of all? + +“Had I no such scruples as those to which I have just alluded, I must +still have refrained from coming among you. Your great Oldborough +common-drainage and inclosure bill comes on to-morrow, and I shall be AT +MY POST. I am sure, if Sir George Gorgon were here, he and I should +on this occasion vote side by side, and that party strife would be +forgotten in the object of our common interest--OUR DEAR NATIVE TOWN. + +“There is, however, another occasion at hand, in which I shall be +proud to meet him. Your ball is on the night of the 6th. Party +forgotten--brotherly union--innocent mirth--beauty, OUR DEAR TOWN'S +BEAUTY, our daughters in the joy of their expanding loveliness, our +matrons in the exquisite contemplation of their children's bliss--can +you, can I, can Whig or Tory, can any Briton be indifferent to a scene +like this, or refuse to join in this heart-stirring festival? If there +BE such let them pardon me--I, for one, my dear Heeltap, will be among +you on Friday night--ay, and hereby invite all pretty Tory Misses, who +are in want of a partner. + +“I am here in the very midst of good things, you know, and we old folks +like A SUPPER after a dance. Please to accept a brace of bucks and a +turtle, which come herewith. My worthy colleague, who was so liberal +last year of his soup to the poor, will not, I trust, refuse to taste +a little of Alderman Birch's--'tis offered on my part with hearty +goodwill. Hey for the 6th, and vive la joie! + + “Ever, my dear Heeltap, your faithful + + “W. PITT SCULLY. + +“P.S.--Of course this letter is STRICTLY PRIVATE. Say that the venison, +etc. came from a WELL-WISHER TO OLDBOROUGH.” + +This amazing letter was published, in defiance of Mr. Scully's +injunctions, by the enthusiastic Heeltap, who said, bluntly, in a +preface, “that he saw no reason why Mr. Scully should be ashamed of his +action, and he, for his part, was glad to let all friends at Oldborough +know of it.” + +The allusion about the Gorgon soup was killing: thirteen paupers in +Oldborough had, it was confidently asserted, died of it. Lady Gorgon, +on the reading of this letter, was struck completely dumb; Sir George +Gorgon was wild. Ten dozen of champagne was he obliged to send down to +the “Gorgon Arms,” to be added to the festival. He would have stayed +away if he could, but he dared not. + +At nine o'clock, he in general's uniform; his wife in blue satin and +diamonds; his daughters in blue crape and white roses; his niece, Lucy +Gorgon, in white muslin; his son, George Augustus Frederick Grimsby +Gorgon, in a blue velvet jacket, sugar-loaf buttons, and nankeens, +entered the north door of the ballroom, to much cheering, and the sound +of “God save the King!” + +At that very same moment, and from the south door, issued William Pitt +Scully, Esquire, M.P., and his staff. Mr. Scully had a brand-new blue +coat and brass buttons, buff waistcoat, white kerseymere tights, pumps +with large rosettes, and pink silk stockings. + +“This wool,” said he to a friend, “was grown on Oldborough sheep, +this cloth was spun in Oldborough looms, these buttons were cast in +an Oldborough manufactory, these shoes were made by an Oldborough +tradesman, this HEART first beat in Oldborough town, and pray Heaven may +be buried there!” + +Could anything resist a man like this? John Perkins, who had come down +as one of Scully's aides-de-camp, in a fit of generous enthusiasm, +leaped on a whist-table, flung up a pocket-handkerchief, and +shrieked--“SCULLY FOR EVER!” + +Heeltap, who was generally drunk, fairly burst into tears, and the grave +tradesmen and Whig gentry, who had dined with the Member at his inn, and +accompanied him thence to the “Gorgon Arms,” lifted their deep voices +and shouted “Hear!” “Good!” “Bravo!” “Noble!” “Scully for ever!” “God +bless him!” and “Hurrah!” + +The scene was tumultuously affecting; and when young Perkins sprang down +from the table and came blushing up to the Member, that gentleman said, +“Thank you, Jack! THANK you, my boy! THANK you,” in a way which made +Perkins think that his supreme cup of bliss was quaffed; that he had but +to die: for that life had no other such joy in store for him. Scully +was Perkins's Napoleon--he yielded himself up to the attorney, body and +soul. + +Whilst this scene was going on under one chandelier of the ballroom, +beneath the other scarlet little General Gorgon, sumptuous Lady Gorgon, +the daughters and niece Gorgons, were standing surrounded by their Tory +court, who affected to sneer and titter at the Whig demonstrations which +were taking place. + +“What a howwid thmell of whithkey!” lisped Cornet Fitch, of the +Dragoons, to Miss Lucy, confidentially. “And the--the are what they call +Whigth, are they? He! he!” + +“They are drunk, ----me, --drunk, by ----!” said the General to the +Mayor. + +“WHICH is Scully?” said Lady Gorgon, lifting her glass gravely (she was +at that very moment thinking of the syllabubs). “Is it that tipsy man in +the green coat, or that vulgar creature in the blue one?” + +“Law, my Lady,” said the Mayoress, “have you forgotten him? Why, that's +him in blue and buff.” + +“And a monthous fine man, too,” said Cornet Fitch. “I wish we had him in +our twoop--he'th thix feet thwee, if he'th an inch; ain't he, Genewal?” + +No reply. + +“And heavens! Mamma,” shrieked the three Gorgons in a breath, “see, one +creature is on the whist-table. Oh, the wretch! + +“I'm sure he's very good-looking,” said Lucy, simply. + +Lady Gorgon darted at her an angry look, and was about to say something +very contemptuous, when, at that instant, John Perkins's shout taking +effect, Master George Augustus Frederick Grimsby Gorgon, not knowing +better, incontinently raised a small shout on his side. + +“Hear! good! bravo!” exclaimed he; “Scully for ever! Hurra-a-a-ay!” and +fell skipping about like the Whigs opposite. + +“Silence, you brute you!” groaned Lady Gorgon; and seizing him by the +shirt-frill and coat-collar, carried him away to his nurse, who, with +many other maids of the Whig and Tory parties, stood giggling and +peeping at the landing-place. + +Fancy how all these small incidents augmented the heap of Lady Gorgon's +anger and injuries! She was a dull phlegmatic woman for the most part, +and contented herself generally with merely despising her neighbours; +but oh! what a fine active hatred raged in her bosom for victorious +Scully! At this moment Mr. Perkins had finished shaking hands with his +Napoleon--Napoleon seemed bent upon some tremendous enterprise. He was +looking at Lady Gorgon very hard. + +“She's a fine woman,” said Scully, thoughtfully; he was still holding +the hand of Perkins. And then, after a pause, “Gad! I think I'll try.” + +“Try what, sir?” + +“She's a DEUCED fine woman!” burst out again the tender solicitor. “I +WILL go. Springer, tell the fiddlers to strike up.” + +Springer scuttled across the room, and gave the leader of the band a +knowing nod. Suddenly, “God save the King” ceased, and “Sir Roger +de Coverley” began. The rival forces eyed each other; Mr. Scully, +accompanied by his friend, came forward, looking very red, and fumbling +two large kid gloves. + +“HE'S GOING TO ASK ME TO DANCE,” hissed out Lady Gorgon, with a dreadful +intuition, and she drew back behind her lord. + +“D---- it, madam, THEN DANCE with him!” said the General. “Don't you see +that the scoundrel is carrying it all his own way! ---- him! and ---- +him! and ---- him!” (All of which dashes the reader may fill up with +oaths of such strength as may be requisite). + +“General!” cried Lady Gorgon, but could say no more. Scully was before +her. + +“Madam!” exclaimed the Liberal Member for Oldborough, “in a moment +like this--I say--that is--that on the present occasion--your +Ladyship--unaccustomed as I am--pooh, psha--WILL your Ladyship give me +the distinguished honour and pleasure of going down the country-dance +with your Ladyship?” + +An immense heave of her Ladyship's ample chest was perceptible. Yards of +blond lace, which might be compared to a foam of the sea, were agitated +at the same moment, and by the same mighty emotion. The river of +diamonds which flowed round her Ladyship's neck, seemed to swell and to +shine more than ever. The tall plumes on her ambrosial head bowed down +beneath the storm. In other words, Lady Gorgon, in a furious rage, +which she was compelled to restrain, trembled, drew up, and bowing +majestically, said,-- + +“Sir, I shall have much pleasure.” With this, she extended her hand. +Scully, trembling, thrust forward one of his huge kid-gloves, and led +her to the head of the country-dance. John Perkins--who I presume +had been drinking pretty freely, so as to have forgotten his ordinary +bashfulness--looked at the three Gorgons in blue, then at the pretty +smiling one in white, and stepping up to her, without the smallest +hesitation, asked her if she would dance with him. + +The young lady smilingly agreed. The great example of Scully and Lady +Gorgon was followed by all dancing men and women. Political enmities +were forgotten. Whig voters invited Tory voters' wives to the dance. The +daughters of Reform accepted the hands of the sons of Conservatism. The +reconciliation of the Romans and Sabines was not more touching than this +sweet fusion. Whack--whack! Springer clapped his hands; and the fiddlers +adroitly obeying the cheerful signal, began playing “Sir Roger de +Coverley” louder than ever. + +I do not know by what extraordinary charm (nescio qua praeter solitum, +etc.), but young Perkins, who all his life had hated country-dances, was +delighted with this one, and skipped and laughed, poussetting, crossing, +down-the-middling, with his merry little partner, till every one of the +bettermost sort of the thirty-nine couples had dropped panting away, and +till the youngest Miss Gorgon, coming up to his partner, said in a loud +hissing scornful whisper, “Lucy, Mamma thinks you have danced quite +enough with this--this person.” And Lucy, blushing, starting back, and +looking at Perkins in a very melancholy way, made him a little curtsey, +and went off to the Gorgonian party with her cousin. Perkins was too +frightened to lead her back to her place--too frightened at first, and +then too angry. “Person!” said he: his soul swelled with a desperate +republicanism: he went back to his patron more of a Radical than ever. + +He found that gentleman in the solitary tea-room, pacing up and down +before the observant landlady and handmaidens of the “Gorgon Arms,” + wiping his brows, gnawing his fingers--his ears looming over his stiff +white shirt-collar as red as fire. Once more the great man seized John +Perkins's hand as the latter came up. + +“D---- the aristocrats!” roared the ex-follower of Squaretoes. + +“And so say I! but what's the matter, sir?” + +“What's the matter?--Why, that woman--that infernal, haughty, +straitlaced, cold-blooded brewer's daughter! I loved that woman, sir--I +KISSED that woman, sir, twenty years ago: we were all but engaged, sir: +we've walked for hours and hours, sir--us and the governess--I've got +a lock of her hair, sir, among my papers now; and to-night, would you +believe it?--as soon as she got to the bottom of the set, away she +went--not one word would she speak to me all the way down: and when I +wanted to lead her to her place, and asked her if she would have a glass +of negus, 'Sir,' says she, 'I have done my duty; I bear no malice: but +I consider you a traitor to Sir George Gorgon's family--a traitor and +an upstart! I consider your speaking to me as a piece of insolent +vulgarity, and beg you will leave me to myself!' There's her speech, +sir. Twenty people heard it, and all of her Tory set too. I'll tell you +what, Jack: at the next election I'll put YOU up. Oh that woman! that +woman!--and to think that I love her still!” Here Mr. Scully paused, +and fiercely consoled himself by swallowing three cups of Mrs. Rincer's +green tea. + +The fact is, that Lady Gorgon's passion had completely got the better of +her reason. Her Ladyship was naturally cold, and artificially extremely +squeamish; and when this great red-faced enemy of hers looked tenderly +at her through his red little eyes, and squeezed her hand and attempted +to renew old acquaintance, she felt such an intolerable disgust at his +triumph, at his familiarity, and at the remembrance of her own former +liking for him, that she gave utterance to the speech above correctly +reported. The Tories were delighted with her spirit, and Cornet Fitch, +with much glee, told the story to the General; but that officer, who was +at whist with some of his friends, flung down his cards, and coming up +to his lady, said briefly,-- + +“Madam, you are a fool!” + +“I will NOT stay here to be bearded by that disgusting man!--Mr. Fitch, +call my people.--Henrietta, bring Miss Lucy from that linendraper with +whom she is dancing. I will not stay, General, once for all.” + +Henrietta ran--she hated her cousin: Cornet Fitch was departing. “Stop, +Fitch,” said Sir George, seizing him by the arm. “You are a fool, Lady +Gorgon,” said he, “and I repeat it--a ---- fool! This fellow Scully +is carrying all before him: he has talked with everybody, laughed with +everybody--and you, with your infernal airs--a brewer's daughter, by +----, must sit like a queen and not speak to a soul! You've lost me one +seat of my borough, with your infernal pride--fifteen hundred a year, +by Jove!--and you think you will bully me out of another. No, madam, you +SHALL stay, and stay supper too;--and the girls shall dance with every +cursed chimney-sweep and butcher in the room: they shall--confound me!” + +Her Ladyship saw that it was necessary to submit; and Mr. Springer, the +master of the ceremonies, was called, and requested to point out +some eligible partners for the young ladies. One went off with a +Whig auctioneer; another figured in a quadrille with a very Liberal +apothecary; and the third, Miss Henrietta, remained. + +“Hallo you, sir!” roared the little General to John Perkins, who was +passing by. John turned round and faced him. + +“You were dancing with my niece just now--show us your skill now, and +dance with one of my daughters. Stand up, Miss Henrietta Gorgon--Mr. +What's-your-name?” + +“My name,” said John, with marked and majestic emphasis, “is PERKINS.” + And he looked towards Lucy, who dared not look again. + +“Miss Gorgon--Mr. Perkins. There, now go and dance.” + +“Mr. Perkins regrets, madam,” said John, making a bow to Miss Henrietta, +“that he is not able to dance this evening. I am this moment obliged to +look to the supper; but you will find, no doubt, some other PERSON who +will have much pleasure.” + +“Go to ----, sir!” screamed the General, starting up, and shaking his +cane. + +“Calm yourself, dearest George,” said Lady Gorgon, clinging fondly to +him. Fitch twiddled his moustaches. Miss Henrietta Gorgon stared +with open mouth. The silks of the surrounding dowagers rustled--the +countenances of all looked grave. + +“I will follow you, sir, wherever you please; and you may hear of me +whenever you like,” said Mr. Perkins, bowing and retiring. He heard +little Lucy sobbing in a corner. He was lost at once--lost in love; he +felt as if he could combat fifty generals! he never was so happy in his +life. + +The supper came; but as that meal cost five shillings a head, General +Gorgon dismissed the four spinsters of his family homewards in the +carriage, and so saved himself a pound. This added to Jack Perkins's +wrath; he had hoped to have seen Miss Lucy once more. He was a steward, +and, in the General's teeth, would have done his duty. He was thinking +how he would have helped her to the most delicate chicken-wings and +blancmanges, how he WOULD have made her take champagne. Under the noses +of indignant aunt and uncle, what glorious fun it would have been! + +Out of place as Mr. Scully's present was, and though Lady Gorgon and her +party sneered at the vulgar notion of venison and turtle for supper, +all the world at Oldborough ate very greedily of those two substantial +dishes; and the Mayor's wife became from that day forth a mortal +enemy of the Gorgons: for, sitting near her Ladyship, who refused the +proffered soup and meat, the Mayoress thought herself obliged to follow +this disagreeable example. She sent away the plate of turtle with a +sigh, saying, however, to the baronet's lady, “I thought, mem, that the +LORD MAYOR OF LONDON always had turtle to his supper?” + +“And what if he didn't, Biddy?” said his Honour the Mayor; “a good +thing's a good thing, and here goes!” wherewith he plunged his spoon +into the savoury mess. The Mayoress, as we have said, dared not; but she +hated Lady Gorgon, and remembered it at the next election. + +The pride, in fact, and insolence of the Gorgon party rendered every +person in the room hostile to them; so soon as, gorged with meat, they +began to find that courage which Britons invariably derive from their +victuals. The show of the Gorgon plate seemed to offend the people. The +Gorgon champagne was a long time, too, in making its appearance. Arrive, +however, it did. The people were waiting for it; the young ladies, not +accustomed to that drink, declined pledging their admirers until it +was produced; the men, too, despised the bucellas and sherry, and were +looking continually towards the door. At last, Mr. Rincer, the landlord, +Mr. Hock, Sir George's butler, and sundry others entered the room. Bang! +went the corks--fizz the foamy liquor sparkled into all sorts of glasses +that were held out for its reception. Mr. Hock helped Sir George and his +party, who drank with great gusto; the wine which was administered to +the persons immediately around Mr. Scully was likewise pronounced to +be good. But Mr. Perkins, who had taken his seat among the humbler +individuals, and in the very middle of the table, observed that all +these persons, after drinking, made to each other very wry and ominous +faces, and whispered much. He tasted his wine: it was a villanous +compound of sugar, vitriol, soda-water, and green gooseberries. At +this moment a great clatter of forks was made by the president's and +vice-president's party. Silence for a toast--'twas silence all. + +“Landlord,” said Mr. Perkins, starting up (the rogue, where did his +impudence come from?) “have you any champagne of YOUR OWN?” + +“Silence! down!” roared the Tories, the ladies looking aghast. “Silence, +sit down you!” shrieked the well-known voice of the General. + +“I beg your pardon, General,” said young John Perkins; “but where COULD +you have bought this champagne? My worthy friend I know is going to +propose the ladies; let us at any rate drink such a toast in good wine.” + (“Hear, hear!”) “Drink her Ladyship's health in THIS stuff? I declare to +goodness I would sooner drink it in beer!” + +No pen can describe the uproar which arose: the anguish of the +Gorgonites--the shrieks, jeers, cheers, ironic cries of “Swipes!” etc., +which proceeded from the less genteel but more enthusiastic Scullyites. + +“This vulgarity is too much,” said Lady Gorgon, rising; and Mrs. +Mayoress and the ladies of the party did so too. + +The General, two squires, the clergyman, the Gorgon apothecary and +attorney, with their respective ladies, followed her: they were plainly +beaten from the field. Such of the Tories as dared remained, and in +inglorious compromise shared the jovial Whig feast. + +“Gentlemen and ladies,” hiccupped Mr. Heeltap, “I'll give you a toast. +'Champagne to our real--hic--friends,' no, 'Real champagne to our +friends,' and--hic--pooh! 'Champagne to our friends, and real pain to +our enemies,'--huzzay!” + +The Scully faction on this day bore the victory away, and if the polite +reader has been shocked by certain vulgarities on the part of Mr. +Scully and his friends, he must remember imprimis that Oldborough was +an inconsiderable place--that the inhabitants thereof were chiefly +tradespeople, not of refined habits--that Mr. Scully himself had only +for three months mingled among the aristocracy--that his young friend +Perkins was violently angry--and finally, and to conclude, that the +proud vulgarity of the great Sir George Gorgon and his family was +infinitely more odious and contemptible than the mean vulgarity of the +Scullyites and their leader. + +Immediately after this event, Mr. Scully and his young friend Perkins +returned to town; the latter to his garrets in Bedford Row--the former +to his apartments on the first floor of the same house. He lived here to +superintend his legal business: his London agents, Messrs. Higgs, Biggs, +and Blatherwick, occupying the ground floor; the junior partner, Mr. +Gustavus Blatherwick, the second flat of the house. Scully made no +secret of his profession or residence: he was an attorney, and proud of +it; he was the grandson of a labourer, and thanked God for it; he had +made his fortune by his own honest labour, and why should he be ashamed +of it? + +And now, having explained at full length who the several heroes and +heroines of this history were, and how they conducted themselves in the +country, let us describe their behaviour in London, and the great events +which occurred there. + +You must know that Mr. Perkins bore away the tenderest recollections +of the young lady with whom he had danced at the Oldborough ball, and, +having taken particular care to find out where she dwelt when in the +metropolis, managed soon to become acquainted with Aunt Biggs, and made +himself so amiable to that lady, that she begged he would pass all his +disengaged evenings at her lodgings in Caroline Place. Mrs. Biggs was +perfectly aware that the young gentleman did not come for her bohea +and muffins, so much as for the sweeter conversation of her niece, Miss +Gorgon; but seeing that these two young people were of an age when ideas +of love and marriage will spring up, do what you will; seeing that her +niece had a fortune, and Mr. Perkins had the prospect of a place, and +was moreover a very amiable and well-disposed young fellow, she thought +her niece could not do better than marry him; and Miss Gorgon thought +so too. Now the public will be able to understand the meaning of that +important conversation which is recorded at the very commencement of +this history. + +Lady Gorgon and her family were likewise in town; but, when in the +metropolis, they never took notice of their relative, Miss Lucy: the +idea of acknowledging an ex-schoolmistress living in Mecklenburgh Square +being much too preposterous for a person of my Lady Gorgon's breeding +and fashion. She did not, therefore, know of the progress which sly +Perkins was making all this while; for Lucy Gorgon did not think it was +at all necessary to inform her Ladyship how deeply she was smitten +by the wicked young gentleman who had made all the disturbance at the +Oldborough ball. + +The intimacy of these young persons had, in fact, become so close, that +on a certain sunshiny Sunday in December, after having accompanied Aunt +Biggs to church, they had pursued their walk as far as that rendezvous +of lovers, the Regent's Park, and were talking of their coming marriage, +with much confidential tenderness, before the bears in the Zoological +Gardens. + +Miss Lucy was ever and anon feeding those interesting animals with buns, +to perform which act of charity she had clambered up on the parapet +which surrounds their den. Mr. Perkins was below; and Miss Lucy, having +distributed her buns, was on the point of following,--but whether from +timidity, or whether from a desire to do young Perkins an essential +service, I know not: however, she found herself quite unwilling to jump +down unaided. + +“My dearest John,” said she, “I never can jump that.” + +Whereupon John stepped up, put one hand round Lucy's waist; and as one +of hers gently fell upon his shoulder, Mr. Perkins took the other and +said,-- + +“Now jump.” + +Hoop! jump she did, and so excessively active and clever was Mr. John +Perkins, that he jumped Miss Lucy plump into the middle of a group +formed of-- + +Lady Gorgon; + +The Misses Gorgon; + +Master George Augustus Frederick Grimsby Gorgon; + +And a footman, poodle, and French governess: who had all been for two or +three minutes listening to the billings and cooings of these imprudent +young lovers. + + + +CHAPTER II. + + +SHOWS HOW THE PLOT BEGAN TO THICKEN IN OR ABOUT BEDFORD ROW. + +“Miss Lucy!” + +“Upon my word!” + +“I'm hanged if it aren't Lucy! How do, Lucy?” uttered Lady, the Misses, +and Master Gorgon in a breath. + +Lucy came forward, bending down her ambrosial curls, and blushing, as a +modest young woman should: for, in truth, the scrape was very awkward. +And as for John Perkins, he made a start, and then a step forwards, and +then two backwards, and then began laying hands upon his black satin +stock--in short, the sun did not shine at that moment upon a man who +looked so exquisitely foolish. + +“Miss Lucy Gorgon, is your aunt--is Mrs. Briggs here?” said Lady Gorgon, +drawing herself up with much state. + +“Mrs. Biggs, Aunt?” said Lucy demurely. + +“Biggs or Briggs, madam, it is not of the slightest consequence. +I presume that persons in my rank of life are not expected to know +everybody's name in Magdeburg Square?” (Lady Gorgon had a house in Baker +Street, and a dismal house it was.) “NOT here,” continued she, rightly +interpreting Lucy's silence, “NOT here?--and may I ask how long is it +that young ladies have been allowed to walk abroad without chaperons, +and to--to take a part in such scenes as that which we have just seen +acted?” + +To this question--and indeed it was rather difficult to answer--Miss +Gorgon had no reply. There were the six grey eyes of her cousins +glowering at her; there was George Augustus Frederick examining her with +an air of extreme wonder, Mademoiselle the governess turning her looks +demurely away, and awful Lady Gorgon glancing fiercely at her in front. +Not mentioning the footman and poodle, what could a poor modest timid +girl plead before such an inquisition, especially when she was clearly +guilty? Add to this, that as Lady Gorgon, that majestic woman, always +remarkable for her size and insolence of demeanour, had planted herself +in the middle of the path, and spoke at the extreme pitch of her voice, +many persons walking in the neighbourhood had heard her Ladyship's +speech and stopped, and seemed disposed to await the rejoinder. + +“For Heaven's sake, Aunt, don't draw a crowd around us,” said Lucy, who, +indeed, was glad of the only escape that lay in her power. “I will +tell you of the--of the circumstances of--of my engagement with this +gentleman--with Mr. Perkins,” added she, in a softer tone--so soft that +the 'ERKINS was quite inaudible. + +“A Mr. What? An engagement without consulting your guardians!” screamed +her Ladyship. “This must be looked to! Jerningham, call round my +carriage. Mademoiselle, you will have the goodness to walk home with +Master Gorgon, and carry him, if you please, where there is wet; and, +girls, as the day is fine, you will do likewise. Jerningham, you will +attend the young ladies. Miss Gorgon, I will thank you to follow me +immediately.” And so saying, and looking at the crowd with ineffable +scorn, and at Mr. Perkins not at all, the lady bustled away forwards, +the files of Gorgon daughters and governess closing round and enveloping +poor Lucy, who found herself carried forward against her will, and in a +minute seated in her aunt's coach, along with that tremendous person. + +Her case was bad enough, but what was it to Perkins's? Fancy his blank +surprise and rage at having his love thus suddenly ravished from +him, and his delicious tete-a-tete interrupted. He managed, in an +inconceivably short space of time, to conjure up half-a-million +obstacles to his union. What should he do? he would rush on to Baker +Street, and wait there until his Lucy left Lady Gorgon's house. + +He could find no vehicle in the Regent's Park, and was in consequence +obliged to make his journey on foot. Of course, he nearly killed himself +with running, and ran so quick, that he was just in time to see the two +ladies step out of Lady Gorgon's carriage at her own house, and to hear +Jerningham's fellow-footman roar to the Gorgonian coachman, “Half-past +seven!” at which hour we are, to this day, convinced that Lady Gorgon +was going out to dine. Mr. Jerningham's associate having banged to the +door, with an insolent look towards Perkins, who was prying in with the +most suspicious and indecent curiosity, retired, exclaiming, “That chap +has a hi to our great-coats, I reckon!” and left John Perkins to pace +the street and be miserable. + +John Perkins then walked resolutely up and down dismal Baker Street, +determined on an eclaircissement. He was for some time occupied in +thinking how it was that the Gorgons were not at church, they who made +such a parade of piety; and John Perkins smiled as he passed the chapel, +and saw that two CHARITY SERMONS were to be preached that day--and +therefore it was that General Gorgon read prayers to his family at home +in the morning. + +Perkins, at last, saw that little General, in blue frock-coat and +spotless buff gloves, saunter scowling home; and half an hour before his +arrival had witnessed the entrance of Jerningham, and the three gaunt +Miss Gorgons, poodle, son-and-heir, and French governess, protected by +him, into Sir George's mansion. + +“Can she be going to stay all night?” mused poor John, after being on +the watch for three hours: when presently, to his inexpressible delight, +he saw a very dirty hackney-coach clatter up to the Gorgon door, out of +which first issued the ruby plush breeches and stalwart calves of Mr. +Jerningham; these were followed by his body, and then the gentleman, +ringing modestly, was admitted. + +Again the door opened: a lady came out, nor was she followed by the +footman, who crossed his legs at the door-post and allowed her to mount +the jingling vehicle as best she might. Mr. Jerningham had witnessed the +scene in the Park Gardens, had listened to the altercation through the +library keyhole, and had been mighty sulky at being ordered to call a +coach for this young woman. He did not therefore deign to assist her to +mount. + +But there was ONE who did! Perkins was by the side of his Lucy: he +had seen her start back and cry, “La, John!”--had felt her squeeze his +arm--had mounted with her into the coach, and then shouted with a voice +of thunder to the coachman, “Caroline Place, Mecklenburgh Square.” + +But Mr. Jerningham would have been much more surprised and puzzled if +he had waited one minute longer, and seen this Mr. Perkins, who had +so gallantly escaladed the hackney-coach, step out of it with the most +mortified, miserable, chap-fallen countenance possible. + +The fact is, he had found poor Lucy sobbing fit to break her heart, and +instead of consoling her, as he expected, he only seemed to irritate her +further: for she said, “Mr. Perkins--I beg--I insist, that you leave the +carriage.” And when Perkins made some movement (which, not being in +the vehicle at the time, we have never been able to comprehend), she +suddenly sprang from the back-seat and began pulling at a large piece +of cord which communicated with the wrist of the gentleman driving; and, +screaming to him at the top of her voice, bade him immediately stop. + +This Mr. Coachman did, with a curious, puzzled, grinning air. + +Perkins descended, and on being asked, “Vere ham I to drive the young +'oman, sir?” I am sorry to say muttered something like an oath, and +uttered the above-mentioned words, “Caroline Place, Mecklenburgh +Square,” in a tone which I should be inclined to describe as both dogged +and sheepish--very different from that cheery voice which he had used +when he first gave the order. + +Poor Lucy, in the course of those fatal three hours which had passed +while Mr. Perkins was pacing up and down Baker Street, had received a +lecture which lasted exactly one hundred and eighty minutes--from her +aunt first, then from her uncle, whom we have seen marching homewards, +and often from both together. + +Sir George Gorgon and his lady poured out such a flood of advice and +abuse against the poor girl, that she came away from the interview quite +timid and cowering; and when she saw John Perkins (the sly rogue! how +well he thought he had managed the trick!) she shrank from him as if +he had been a demon of wickedness, ordered him out of the carriage, and +went home by herself, convinced that she had committed some tremendous +sin. + +While, then, her coach jingled away to Caroline Place, Perkins, +once more alone, bent his steps in the same direction. A desperate, +heart-stricken man, he passed by the beloved's door, saw lights in the +front drawing-room, felt probably that she was there; but he could not +go in. Moodily he paced down Doughty Street, and turning abruptly +into Bedford Row, rushed into his own chambers, where Mrs. Snooks, the +laundress, had prepared his humble Sabbath meal. + +A cheerful fire blazed in his garret, and Mrs. Snooks had prepared for +him the favourite blade-bone he loved (blest four-days' dinner for +a bachelor--roast, cold, hashed, grilled bladebone, the fourth being +better than the first); but although he usually did rejoice in this +meal--ordinarily, indeed, grumbling that there was not enough to satisfy +him--he, on this occasion, after two mouthfuls, flung down his knife and +fork, and buried his two claws in his hair. + +“Snooks,” said he at last, very moodily, “remove this d---- mutton, give +me my writing things, and some hot brandy-and-water.” + +This was done without much alarm: for you must know that Perkins used to +dabble in poetry, and ordinarily prepare himself for composition by this +kind of stimulus. + +He wrote hastily a few lines. + +“Snooks, put on your bonnet,” said he, “and carry this--YOU KNOW WHERE!” + he added, in a hollow, heart-breaking tone of voice, that affected poor +Snooks almost to tears. She went, however, with the note, which was to +this purpose:-- + +“Lucy! Lucy! my soul's love--what, what has happened? I am writing +this”--(a gulp of brandy-and-water)--“in a state bordering on +distraction--madness--insanity” (another). “Why did you send me out of +the coach in that cruel cruel way? Write to me a word, a line--tell +me, tell me, I may come to you--and leave me not in this agonising +condition; your faithful” (glog--glog--glog--the whole glass)--“J.P.” + +He never signed John Perkins in full--he couldn't, it was so unromantic. + +Well, this missive was despatched by Mrs. Snooks, and Perkins, in +a fearful state of excitement, haggard, wild, and with more +brandy-and-water, awaited the return of his messenger. + +When at length, after about an absence of forty years, as it seemed to +him, the old lady returned with a large packet, Perkins seized it with +a trembling hand, and was yet more frightened to see the handwriting of +Mrs. or Miss Biggs. + +“MY DEAR MR. PERKINS,” she began--“Although I am not your soul's adored, +I performed her part for once, since I have read your letter, as I told +her. You need not be very much alarmed, although Lucy is at this moment +in bed and unwell: for the poor girl has had a sad scene at her grand +uncle's house in Baker Street, and came home very much affected. Rest, +however, will restore her, for she is not one of your nervous sort; and +I hope when you come in the morning, you will see her as blooming as she +was when you went out to-day on that unlucky walk. + +“See what Sir George Gorgon says of us all! You won't challenge him, I +know, as he is to be your uncle, and so I may show you his letter. + +“Good-night, my dear John. Do not go QUITE distracted before morning; +and believe me your loving aunt, + “JEMIMA BIGGS.” + + “41 BAKER STREET: 11th December. + +“MAJOR-GENERAL SIR GEORGE GORGON has heard with the utmost disgust and +surprise of the engagement which Miss Lucy Gorgon has thought fit to +form. + +“The Major-General cannot conceal his indignation at the share which +Miss Biggs has taken in this disgraceful transaction. + +“Sir George Gorgon puts an absolute veto upon all further communication +between his niece and the low-born adventurer who has been admitted into +her society, and begs to say that Lieutenant Fitch, of the Lifeguards, +is the gentleman who he intends shall marry Miss Gorgon. + +“It is the Major-General's wish, that on the 28th Miss Gorgon should be +ready to come to his house, in Baker Street, where she will be more safe +from impertinent intrusions than she has been in Mucklebury Square. + + “MRS. BIGGS, + “Caroline Place, + “Mecklenburgh Square.” + +When poor John Perkins read this epistle, blank rage and wonder filled +his soul, at the audacity of the little General, who thus, without +the smallest title in the world, pretended to dispose of the hand +and fortune of his niece. The fact is, that Sir George had such a +transcendent notion of his own dignity and station, that it never for a +moment entered his head that his niece, or anybody else connected with +him, should take a single step in life without previously receiving his +orders; and Mr. Fitch, a baronet's son, having expressed an admiration +of Lucy, Sir George had determined that his suit should be accepted, and +really considered Lucy's preference of another as downright treason. + +John Perkins determined on the death of Fitch as the very least +reparation that should satisfy him; and vowed too that some of the +General's blood should be shed for the words which he had dared to +utter. + +We have said that William Pitt Scully, Esquire, M.P., occupied the first +floor of Mr. Perkins's house in Bedford Row: and the reader is further +to be informed that an immense friendship had sprung up between these +two gentlemen. The fact is, that poor John was very much flattered +by Scully's notice, and began in a very short time to fancy himself +a political personage; for he had made several of Scully's speeches, +written more than one letter from him to his constituents, and, in +a word, acted as his gratis clerk. At least a guinea a week did Mr. +Perkins save to the pockets of Mr. Scully, and with hearty good will +too, for he adored the great William Pitt, and believed every word that +dropped from the pompous lips of that gentleman. + +Well, after having discussed Sir George Gorgon's letter, poor Perkins, +in the utmost fury of mind that his darling should be slandered so, +feeling a desire for fresh air, determined to descend to the garden and +smoke a cigar in that rural quiet spot. The night was very calm. The +moonbeams slept softly upon the herbage of Gray's Inn gardens, and +bathed with silver splendour Theobald's Row. A million of little frisky +twinkling stars attended their queen, who looked with bland round face +upon their gambols, as they peeped in and out from the azure heavens. +Along Gray's Inn wall a lazy row of cabs stood listlessly, for who would +call a cab on such a night? Meanwhile their drivers, at the alehouse +near, smoked the short pipe or quaffed the foaming beer. Perhaps from +Gray's Inn Lane some broken sounds of Irish revelry might rise. Issuing +perhaps from Raymond Buildings gate, six lawyers' clerks might whoop a +tipsy song--or the loud watchman yell the passing hour; but beyond this +all was silence; and young Perkins, as he sat in the summerhouse at the +bottom of the garden, and contemplated the peaceful heaven, felt some +influences of it entering into his soul, and almost forgetting revenge, +thought but of peace and love. + +Presently, he was aware there was someone else pacing the garden. +Who could it be?--Not Blatherwick, for he passed the Sabbath with his +grandmamma at Clapham; not Scully surely, for he always went to Bethesda +Chapel, and to a select prayer-meeting afterwards. Alas! it WAS Scully; +for though that gentleman SAID that he went to chapel, we have it for +a fact that he did not always keep his promise, and was at this moment +employed in rehearsing an extempore speech, which he proposed to deliver +at St. Stephen's. + +“Had I, sir,” spouted he, with folded arms, slowly pacing to and +fro--“Had I, sir, entertained the smallest possible intention of +addressing the House on the present occasion--hum, on the present +occasion--I would have endeavoured to prepare myself in a way that +should have at least shown my sense of the greatness of the subject +before the House's consideration, and the nature of the distinguished +audience I have the honour to address. I am, sir, a plain man--born +of the people--myself one of the people, having won, thank Heaven, an +honourable fortune and position by my own honest labour; and standing +here as I do--” + + * * * + +Here Mr. Scully (it may be said that he never made a speech without +bragging about himself: and an excellent plan it is, for people cannot +help believing you at last)--here, I say, Mr. Scully, who had one arm +raised, felt himself suddenly tipped on the shoulder, and heard a voice +saying, “Your money or your life!” + +The honourable gentleman twirled round as if he had been shot; the +papers on which a great part of this impromptu was written dropped from +his lifted hand, and some of them were actually borne on the air into +neighbouring gardens. The man was, in fact, in the direst fright. + +“It's only I,” said Perkins, with rather a forced laugh, when he saw the +effect that his wit had produced. + +“Only you! And pray what the dev--what right have you to--to come upon +a man of my rank in that way, and disturb me in the midst of very +important meditations?” asked Mr. Scully, beginning to grow fierce. + +“I want your advice,” said Perkins, “on a matter of the very greatest +importance to me. You know my idea of marrying?” + +“Marry!” said Scully; “I thought you had given up that silly scheme. And +how, pray, do you intend to live?” + +“Why, my intended has a couple of hundreds a year, and my clerkship in +the Tape and Sealing-Wax Office will be as much more.” + +“Clerkship--Tape and Sealing-Wax Office--Government sinecure!--Why, good +heavens! John Perkins, you don't tell ME that you are going to accept +any such thing?” + +“It is a very small salary, certainly,” said John, who had a decent +notion of his own merits; “but consider, six months vacation, two hours +in the day, and those spent over the newspapers. After all, it's--” + +“After all it's a swindle,” roared out Mr. Scully--“a swindle upon the +country; an infamous tax upon the people, who starve that you may +fatten in idleness. But take this clerkship in the Tape and Sealing-Wax +Office,” continued the patriot, his bosom heaving with noble +indignation, and his eye flashing the purest fire,--“TAKE this +clerkship, John Perkins, and sanction tyranny, by becoming one of its +agents; sanction dishonesty by sharing in its plunder--do this, BUT +never more be friend of mine. Had I a child,” said the patriot, clasping +his hands and raising his eyes to heaven, “I would rather see him dead, +sir--dead, dead at my feet, than the servant of a Government which all +honest men despise.” And here, giving a searching glance at Perkins, Mr. +Scully began tramping up and down the garden in a perfect fury. + +“Good heavens!” exclaimed the timid John Perkins--“don't say SO. My +dear Mr. Scully, I'm not the dishonest character you suppose me to be--I +never looked at the matter in this light. I'll--I'll consider of it. +I'll tell Crampton that I will give up the place; but for Heaven's sake, +don't let me forfeit YOUR friendship, which is dearer to me than any +place in the world.” + +Mr. Scully pressed his hand, and said nothing; and though their +interview lasted a full half-hour longer, during which they paced up and +down the gravel walk, we shall not breathe a single syllable of their +conversation, as it has nothing to do with our tale. + +The next morning, after an interview with Miss Lucy, John Perkins, +Esquire, was seen to issue from Mrs. Biggs's house, looking particularly +pale, melancholy, and thoughtful; and he did not stop until he reached a +certain door in Downing Street, where was the office of a certain great +Minister, and the offices of the clerks in his Lordship's department. + +The head of them was Mr. Josiah Crampton, who has now to be introduced +to the public. He was a little old gentleman, some sixty years of age, +maternal uncle to John Perkins; a bachelor, who had been about forty-two +years employed in the department of which he was now the head. + +After waiting four hours in an ante-room, where a number of Irishmen, +some newspaper editors, many pompous-looking political personages asking +for the “first lord,” a few sauntering clerks, and numbers of swift +active messengers passed to and fro;--after waiting for four hours, +making drawings on the blotting-book, and reading the Morning Post +for that day week, Mr. Perkins was informed that he might go into his +uncle's room, and did so accordingly. + +He found a little hard old gentleman seated at a table covered with +every variety of sealing-wax, blotting-paper, envelopes, despatch-boxes, +green tapers, etc. etc. An immense fire was blazing in the grate, an +immense sheet-almanack hung over that, a screen, three or four chairs, +and a faded Turkey carpet, formed the rest of the furniture of this +remarkable room--which I have described thus particularly, because in +the course of a long official life, I have remarked that such is the +invariable decoration of political rooms. + +“Well, John,” said the little hard old gentleman, pointing to an +arm-chair, “I'm told you've been here since eleven. Why the deuce do you +come so early?” + +“I had important business,” answered Mr. Perkins, stoutly; and as his +uncle looked up with a comical expression of wonder, John began in a +solemn tone to deliver a little speech which he had composed, and which +proved him to be a very worthy, easy, silly fellow. + +“Sir,” said Mr. Perkins, “you have known for some time past the nature +of my political opinions, and the intimacy which I have had the honour +to form with one--with some of the leading members of the Liberal +party.” (A grin from Mr. Crampton.) “When first, by your kindness, I was +promised the clerkship in the Tape and Sealing-Wax Office, my opinions +were not formed as they are now; and having taken the advice of the +gentlemen with whom I act,”--(an enormous grin)--“the advice, I say, +of the gentlemen with whom I act, and the counsel likewise of my own +conscience, I am compelled, with the deepest grief, to say, my dear +uncle, that I--I--” + +“That you--what, sir?” exclaimed little Mr. Crampton, bouncing off his +chair. “You don't mean to say that you are such a fool as to decline the +place?” + +“I do decline the place,” said Perkins, whose blood rose at the word +“fool.” “As a man of honour, I cannot take it.” + +“Not take it! and how are you to live? On the rent of that house of +yours? For, by gad, sir, if you give up the clerkship, I never will give +you a shilling.” + +“It cannot be helped,” said Mr. Perkins, looking as much like a martyr +as he possibly could, and thinking himself a very fine fellow. “I have +talents, sir, which I hope to cultivate; and am member of a profession +by which a man may hope to rise to the very highest offices of the +State.” + +“Profession, talents, offices of the State! Are you mad, John Perkins, +that you come to me with such insufferable twaddle as this? Why, do you +think if you HAD been capable of rising at the bar, I would have taken +so much trouble about getting you a place? No, sir; you are too fond of +pleasure, and bed, and tea-parties, and small-talk, and reading novels, +and playing the flute, and writing sonnets. You would no more rise +at the bar than my messenger, sir. It was because I knew your +disposition--that hopeless, careless, irresolute good-humour of +yours--that I had determined to keep you out of danger, by placing you +in a snug shelter, where the storms of the world would not come near +you. You must have principles forsooth! and you must marry Miss Gorgon, +of course: and by the time you have gone ten circuits, and had six +children, you will have eaten up every shilling of your wife's fortune, +and be as briefless as you are now. Who the deuce has put all this +nonsense into your head? I think I know.” + +Mr. Perkins's ears tingled as these hard words saluted them; and he +scarcely knew whether he ought to knock his uncle down, or fall at his +feet and say, “Uncle, I have been a fool, and I know it.” The fact is, +that in his interview with Miss Gorgon and her aunt in the morning, +when he came to tell them of the resolution he had formed to give up +the place, both the ladies and John himself had agreed, with a thousand +rapturous tears and exclamations, that he was one of the noblest young +men that ever lived, had acted as became himself, and might with perfect +propriety give up the place, his talents being so prodigious that no +power on earth could hinder him from being Lord Chancellor. Indeed, John +and Lucy had always thought the clerkship quite beneath him, and were +not a little glad, perhaps, at finding a pretext for decently refusing +it. But as Perkins was a young gentleman whose candour was such that he +was always swayed by the opinions of the last speaker, he did begin to +feel now the truth of his uncle's statements, however disagreeable they +might be. + +Mr. Crampton continued:-- + +“I think I know the cause of your patriotism. Has not William Pitt +Scully, Esquire, had something to do with it?” + +Mr. Perkins COULD not turn any redder than he was, but confessed with +deep humiliation that “he HAD consulted Mr. Scully among other friends.” + +Mr. Crampton smiled--drew a letter from a heap before him, and tearing +off the signature, handed over the document to his nephew. It contained +the following paragraphs:-- + +“Hawksby has sounded Scully: we can have him any day we want him. He +talks very big at present, and says he would not take anything under +a... This is absurd. He has a Yorkshire nephew coming up to town, and +wants a place for him. There is one vacant in the Tape Office, he says: +have you not a promise of it?” + +“I can't--I can't believe it,” said John; “this, sir, is some weak +invention of the enemy. Scully is the most honourable man breathing.” + +“Mr. Scully is a gentleman in a very fair way to make a fortune,” + answered Mr. Crampton. “Look you, John--it is just as well for your sake +that I should give you the news a few weeks before the papers, for I +don't want you to be ruined, if I can help it, as I don't wish to have +you on my hands. We know all the particulars of Scully's history. He was +a Tory attorney at Oldborough; he was jilted by the present Lady Gorgon, +turned Radical, and fought Sir George in his own borough. Sir George +would have had the peerage he is dying for, had he not lost that second +seat (by-the-by, my Lady will be here in five minutes), and Scully +is now quite firm there. Well, my dear lad, we have bought your +incorruptible Scully. Look here,”--and Mr. Crampton produced three +Morning Posts. + +“'THE HONOURABLE HENRY HAWKSBY'S DINNER-PARTY.--Lord So-and-So--Duke of +So-and-So--W. Pitt Scully, Esq. M.P.' + +“Hawksby is our neutral, our dinner-giver. + +“'LADY DIANA DOLDRUM'S ROUT.--W. Pitt Scully, Esq,' again. + +“'THE EARL OF MANTRAP'S GRAND DINNER.'--A Duke--four Lords--'Mr. Scully, +and Sir George Gorgon.'” + +“Well, but I don't see how you have bought him; look at his votes.” + +“My dear John,” said Mr. Crampton, jingling his watch-seals very +complacently, “I am letting you into fearful secrets. The great common +end of party is to buy your opponents--the great statesman buys them for +nothing.” + +Here the attendant genius of Mr. Crampton made his appearance, and +whispered something, to which the little gentleman said, “Show her +Ladyship in,”--when the attendant disappeared. + +“John,” said Mr. Crampton, with a very queer smile, “you can't stay in +this room while Lady Gorgon is with me; but there is a little clerk's +room behind the screen there, where you can wait until I call you.” + +John retired, and as he closed the door of communication, strange to +say, little Mr. Crampton sprang up and said, “Confound the young ninny, +he has shut the door!” + +Mr. Crampton then, remembering that he wanted a map in the next room, +sprang into it, left the door half open in coming out, and was in +time to receive Her Ladyship with smiling face as she, ushered by Mr. +Strongitharm, majestically sailed in. + + + +CHAPTER III. + + +BEHIND THE SCENES. + +In issuing from and leaving open the door of the inner room, Mr. +Crampton had bestowed upon Mr. Perkins a look so peculiarly arch, that +even he, simple as he was, began to imagine that some mystery was about +to be cleared up, or some mighty matter to be discussed. Presently +he heard the well-known voice of Lady Gorgon in conversation with his +uncle. What could their talk be about? Mr. Perkins was dying to know, +and--shall we say it?--advanced to the door on tiptoe and listened with +all his might. + +Her Ladyship, that Juno of a woman, if she had not borrowed Venus's +girdle to render herself irresistible, at least had adopted a tender, +coaxing, wheedling, frisky tone, quite different from her ordinary +dignified style of conversation. She called Mr. Crampton a naughty man, +for neglecting his old friends, vowed that Sir George was quite hurt at +his not coming to dine--nor fixing a day when he would come--and added, +with a most engaging ogle, that she had three fine girls at home, +who would perhaps make an evening pass pleasantly, even to such a gay +bachelor as Mr. Crampton. + +“Madam,” said he, with much gravity, “the daughters of such a mother +must be charming; but I, who have seen your Ladyship, am, alas! proof +against even them.” + +Both parties here heaved tremendous sighs and affected to be wonderfully +unhappy about something. + +“I wish,” after a pause, said Lady Gorgon--“I wish, dear Mr. Crampton, +you would not use that odious title 'my Ladyship:' you know it always +makes me melancholy.” + +“Melancholy, my dear Lady Gorgon; and why?” + +“Because it makes me think of another title that ought to have been +mine--ours (I speak for dear Sir George's and my darling boy's sake, +Heaven knows, not mine). What a sad disappointment it has been to my +husband, that after all his services, all the promises he has had, they +have never given him his peerage. As for me, you know--” + +“For you, my dear madam, I know quite well that you care for no such +bauble as a coronet, except in so far as it may confer honour upon those +most dear to you--excellent wife and noble mother as you are. Heigho! +what a happy man is Sir George!” + +Here there was another pause, and if Mr. Perkins could have seen what +was taking place behind the screen, he would have beheld little Mr. +Crampton looking into Lady Gorgon's face, with as love-sick a Romeo-gaze +as he could possibly counterfeit; while her Ladyship, blushing somewhat +and turning her own grey gogglers up to heaven, received all his words +for gospel, and sat fancying herself to be the best, most meritorious, +and most beautiful creature in the three kingdoms. + +“You men are terrible flatterers,” continued she; “but you say right: +for myself I value not these empty distinctions. I am growing old, Mr. +Crampton,--yes, indeed, I am, although you smile so incredulously,--and +let me add, that MY thoughts are fixed upon HIGHER things than earthly +crowns. But tell me, you who are all in all with Lord Bagwig, are we +never to have our peerage? His Majesty, I know, is not averse; the +services of dear Sir George to a member of His Majesty's august family, +I know, have been appreciated in the highest quarter. Ever since the +peace we have had a promise. Four hundred pounds has Sir George spent at +the Heralds' Office (I myself am of one of the most ancient families +in the kingdom, Mr. Crampton), and the poor dear man's health is really +ruined by the anxious sickening feeling of hope so long delayed.” + +Mr. Crampton now assumed an air of much solemnity. + +“My dear Lady Gorgon,” said he, “will you let me be frank with you, and +will you promise solemnly that what I am going to tell you shall never +be repeated to a single soul?” + +Lady Gorgon promised. + +“Well, then, since the truth you must know, you yourselves have been in +part the cause of the delay of which you complain. You gave us two votes +five years ago; you now only give us one. If Sir George were to go up +to the Peers, we should lose even that one vote; and would it be common +sense in us to incur such a loss? Mr. Scully, the Liberal, would return +another Member of his own way of thinking; and as for the Lords, we +have, you know, a majority there.” + +“Oh, that horrid man!” said Lady Gorgon, cursing Mr. Scully in her +heart, and beginning to play a rapid tattoo with her feet, “that +miscreant, that traitor, that--that attorney has been our ruin.” + +“Horrid man, if you please, but give me leave to tell you that the +horrid man is not the sole cause of your ruin--if ruin you will call it. +I am sorry to say that I do candidly think Ministers believe that Sir +George Gorgon has lost his influence in Oldborough as much through his +own fault as through Mr. Scully's cleverness.” + +“Our own fault! Good heavens! Have we not done everything--everything +that persons of our station in the county could do, to keep those +misguided men? Have we not remonstrated, threatened, taken away our +custom from the Mayor, established a Conservative apothecary--in +fact, done all that gentlemen could do? But these are such times, Mr. +Crampton: the spirit of revolution is abroad, and the great families of +England are menaced by democratic insolence.” + +This was Sir George Gorgon's speech always after dinner, and was +delivered by his lady with a great deal of stateliness. Somewhat, +perhaps, to her annoyance, Mr. Crampton only smiled, shook his head, and +said-- + +“Nonsense, my dear Lady Gorgon--pardon the phrase, but I am a plain old +man, and call things by their names. Now, will you let me whisper in +your ear one word of truth? You have tried all sorts of remonstrances, +and exerted yourself to maintain your influence in every way, except the +right one, and that is--” + +“What, in Heaven's name?” + +“Conciliation. We know your situation in the borough. Mr. Scully's +whole history, and, pardon me for saying so (but we men in office know +everything), yours--” + +Lady Gorgon's ears and cheeks now assumed the hottest hue of crimson. +She thought of her former passages with Scully, and of the days +when--but never mind when: for she suffered her veil to fall, and buried +her head in the folds of her handkerchief. Vain folds! The wily +little Mr. Crampton could see all that passed behind the cambric, and +continued-- + +“Yes, madam, we know the absurd hopes that were formed by a certain +attorney twenty years since. We know how, up to this moment, he boasts +of certain walks--” + +“With the governess--we were always with the governess!” shrieked out +Lady Gorgon, clasping her hands. “She was not the wisest of women.” + +“With the governess, of course,” said Mr. Crampton, firmly. “Do you +suppose that any man dare breathe a syllable against your spotless +reputation? Never, my dear madam; but what I would urge is this--you +have treated your disappointed admirer too cruelly.” + +“What! the traitor who has robbed us of our rights?” + +“He never would have robbed you of your rights if you had been more kind +to him. You should be gentle, madam; you should forgive him--you should +be friends with him.” + +“With a traitor, never!” + +“Think what made him a traitor, Lady Gorgon; look in your glass, and say +if there be not some excuse for him? Think of the feelings of the man +who saw beauty such as yours--I am a plain man and must speak--virtue +such as yours, in the possession of a rival. By heavens, madam, I think +he was RIGHT to hate Sir George Gorgon! Would you have him allow such a +prize to be ravished from him without a pang on his part?” + +“He was, I believe, very much attached to me,” said Lady Gorgon, quite +delighted; “but you must be aware that a young man of his station in +life could not look up to a person of my rank.” + +“Surely not: it was monstrous pride and arrogance in Mr. Scully. But +que voulez-vous? Such is the world's way. Scully could not help loving +you--who that knows you can? I am a plain man, and say what I think. +He loves you still. Why make an enemy of him, who would at a word be at +your feet? Dearest Lady Gorgon, listen to me. Sir George Gorgon and Mr. +Scully have already met--their meeting was our contrivance. It is for +our interest, for yours, that they should be friends. If there were two +Ministerial Members for Oldborough, do you think your husband's peerage +would be less secure? I am not at liberty to tell you all I know on this +subject; but do, I entreat you, be reconciled to him.” + +And after a little more conversation, which was carried on by Mr. +Crampton in the same tender way, this important interview closed, and +Lady Gorgon, folding her shawl round her, threaded certain mysterious +passages and found her way to her carriage in Whitehall. + +“I hope you have not been listening, you rogue?” said Mr. Crampton to +his nephew, who blushed most absurdly by way of answer. “You would have +heard great State secrets, if you had dared to do so. That woman is +perpetually here, and if peerages are to be had for the asking, she +ought to have been a duchess by this time. I would not have admitted her +but for a reason that I have. Go you now and ponder upon what you have +heard and seen. Be on good terms with Scully, and, above all, speak not +a word concerning our interview--no, not a word even to your mistress. +By the way, I presume, sir, you will recall your resignation?” + +The bewildered Perkins was about to stammer out a speech, when his +uncle, cutting it short, pushed him gently out of the door. + + * * * + +At the period when the important events occurred which have been +recorded here, parties ran very high, and a mighty struggle for the +vacant Speakership was about to come on. The Right Honourable Robert +Pincher was the Ministerial candidate, and Sir Charles Macabaw was +patronised by the Opposition. The two Members for Oldborough of course +took different sides, the baronet being of the Pincher faction, while +Mr. William Pitt Scully strongly supported the Macabaw party. + +It was Mr. Scully's intention to deliver an impromptu speech upon the +occasion of the election, and he and his faithful Perkins prepared +it between them: for the latter gentleman had wisely kept his uncle's +counsel and his own and Mr. Scully was quite ignorant of the conspiracy +that was brooding. Indeed, so artfully had that young Machiavel of a +Perkins conducted himself, that when asked by his patron whether he had +given up his place in the Tape and Sealing Wax Office, he replied that +“he HAD tendered his resignation,” but did not say one word about having +recalled it. + +“You were right, my boy, quite right,” said Mr. Scully. “A man of +uncompromising principles should make no compromise.” And herewith he +sat down and wrote off a couple of letters, one to Mr. Hawksby, telling +him that the place in the Sealing-Wax Office was, as he had reason to +know, vacant; and the other to his nephew, stating that it was to be +his. “Under the rose, my dear Bob,” added Mr. Scully, “it will cost you +five hundred pounds; but you cannot invest your money better.” + +It is needless to state that the affair was to be conducted “with the +strictest secresy and honour,” and that the money was to pass through +Mr. Scully's hands. + +While, however, the great Pincher and Macabaw question was yet +undecided, an event occurred to Mr. Scully, which had a great influence +upon his after-life. A second grand banquet was given at the Earl of +Mantrap's: Lady Mantrap requested him to conduct Lady Gorgon to dinner; +and the latter, with a charming timidity, and a gracious melancholy look +into his face (after which her veined eyelids veiled her azure eyes), +put her hand into the trembling one of Mr. Scully and said as much as +looks could say, “Forgive and forget.” + +Down went Scully to dinner. There were dukes on his right hand and earls +on his left; there were but two persons without title in the midst of +that glittering assemblage; the very servants looked like noblemen. The +cook had done wonders; the wines were cool and rich, and Lady Gorgon was +splendid! What attention did everybody pay to her and to him! Why WOULD +she go on gazing into his face with that tender imploring look? In +other words, Scully, after partaking of soup and fish (he, during their +discussion, had been thinking over all the former love-and-hate passages +between himself and Lady Gorgon), turned very red, and began talking to +her. + +“Were you not at the opera on Tuesday?” began he, assuming at once the +airs of a man of fashion. “I thought I caught a glimpse of you in the +Duchess of Diddlebury's box.” + +“Opera, Mr. Scully?” (pronouncing the word “Scully” with the utmost +softness). “Ah, no! we seldom go, and yet too often. For serious persons +the enchantments of that place are too dangerous. I am so nervous--so +delicate; the smallest trifle so agitates, depresses, or irritates me, +that I dare not yield myself up to the excitement of music. I am too +passionately attached to it; and, shall I tell you? it has such a +strange influence upon me, that the smallest false note almost drives me +to distraction, and for that very reason I hardly ever go to a concert +or a ball.” + +“Egad,” thought Scully, “I recollect when she would dance down a matter +of five-and-forty couple, and jingle away at the 'Battle of Prague' all +day.” + +She continued: “Don't you recollect, I do, with--oh, what regret!--that +day at Oldborough race-ball, when I behaved with such sad rudeness to +you? You will scarcely believe me, and yet I assure you 'tis the fact, +the music had made me almost mad. Do let me ask your pardon for my +conduct. I was not myself. Oh, Mr. Scully! I am no worldly woman; I +know my duties, and I feel my wrongs. Nights and days have I lain awake +weeping and thinking of that unhappy day--that I should ever speak so to +an old friend; for we WERE old friends, were we not?” + +Scully did not speak; but his eyes were bursting out of his head, and +his face was the exact colour of a deputy-lieutenant's uniform. + +“That I should ever forget myself and you so! How I have been longing +for this opportunity to ask you to forgive me! I asked Lady Mantrap, +when I heard you were to be here, to invite me to her party. Come, I +know you will forgive me--your eyes say you will. You used to look so in +old days, and forgive me my caprices THEN. Do give me a little wine--we +will drink to the memory of old days.” + +Her eyes filled with tears; and poor Scully's hand caused such a +rattling and trembling of the glass and the decanter that the Duke +of Doldrum--who had been, during the course of this whispered +sentimentality, describing a famous run with the Queen's hounds at the +top of his voice--stopped at the jingling of the glass, and his tale +was lost for ever. Scully hastily drank his wine, and Lady Gorgon turned +round to her next neighbour, a little gentleman in black, between whom +and herself certain conscious looks passed. + +“I am glad poor Sir George is not here,” said he, smiling. + +Lady Gorgon said, “Pooh, for shame!” The little gentleman was no other +than Josiah Crampton, Esquire, that eminent financier, and he was now +going through the curious calculation before mentioned, by which you BUY +A MAN FOR NOTHING. He intended to pay the very same price for Sir George +Gorgon, too; but there was no need to tell the baronet so; only of this +the reader must be made aware. + +While Mr. Crampton was conducting this intrigue, which was to bring a +new recruit to the Ministerial ranks, his mighty spirit condescended to +ponder upon subjects of infinitely less importance, and to arrange plans +for the welfare of his nephew and the young woman to whom he had made +a present of his heart. These young persons, as we said before, had +arranged to live in Mr. Perkins's own house in Bedford Row. It was of a +peculiar construction, and might more properly be called a house and +a half: for a snug little tenement of four chambers protruded from the +back of the house into the garden. These rooms communicated with the +drawing-rooms occupied by Mr. Scully; and Perkins, who acted as his +friend and secretary, used frequently to sit in the one nearest the +Member's study, in order that he might be close at hand to confer +with that great man. The rooms had a private entrance too, were newly +decorated, and in them the young couple proposed to live; the kitchen +and garrets being theirs likewise. What more could they need? We +are obliged to be particular in describing these apartments, for +extraordinary events occurred therein. + +To say the truth, until the present period Mr. Crampton had taken no +great interest in his nephew's marriage, or, indeed, in the young man +himself. The old gentleman was of a saturnine turn, and inclined +to undervalue the qualities of Mr. Perkins, which were idleness, +simplicity, enthusiasm, and easy good-nature. + +“Such fellows never do anything in the world,” he would say, and for +such he had accordingly the most profound contempt. But when, after +John Perkins's repeated entreaties, he had been induced to make the +acquaintance of Miss Gorgon, he became instantly charmed with her, and +warmly espoused her cause against her overbearing relations. + +At his suggestion she wrote back to decline Sir George Gorgon's +peremptory invitation, and hinted at the same time that she had attained +an age and a position which enabled her to be the mistress of her own +actions. To this letter there came an answer from Lady Gorgon which we +shall not copy, but which simply stated that Miss Lucy Gorgon's conduct +was unchristian, ungrateful, unladylike, and immodest; that the Gorgon +family disowned her for the future, and left her at liberty to form +whatever base connections she pleased. + +“A pretty world this,” said Mr. Crampton, in a great rage, when the +letter was shown to him. “This same fellow, Scully, dissuades my nephew +from taking a place, because Scully wants it for himself. This prude of +a Lady Gorgon cries out shame, and disowns an innocent amiable girl: she +a heartless jilt herself once, and a heartless flirt now. The Pharisees, +the Pharisees! And to call mine a base family, too!” + +Now, Lady Gorgon did not in the least know Mr. Crampton's connection +with Mr. Perkins, or she would have been much more guarded in her +language; but whether she knew it or not, the old gentleman felt a huge +indignation, and determined to have his revenge. + +“That's right, Uncle! SHALL I call Gorgon out?” said the impetuous young +Perkins, who was all for blood. + +“John, you are a fool,” said his uncle. “You shall have a better +revenge: you shall be married from Sir George Gorgon's house, and you +shall see Mr. William Pitt Scully sold for nothing.” This to the veteran +diplomatist seemed to be the highest triumph which man could possibly +enjoy. + +It was very soon to take place: and, as has been the case ever since the +world began, woman, lovely woman was to be the cause of Scully's fall. +The tender scene at Lord Mantrap's was followed by many others equally +sentimental. Sir George Gorgon called upon his colleague the very next +day, and brought with him a card from Lady Gorgon inviting Mr. Scully +to dinner. The attorney eagerly accepted the invitation, was received +in Baker Street by the whole amiable family with much respectful +cordiality, and was pressed to repeat his visits as country neighbours +should. More than once did he call, and somehow always at the hour when +Sir George was away at his club, or riding in the Park, or elsewhere +engaged. Sir George Gorgon was very old, very feeble, very much +shattered in constitution. Lady Gorgon used to impart her fears to Mr. +Scully every time he called there, and the sympathising attorney used to +console her as best he might. Sir George's country agent neglected the +property--his lady consulted Mr. Scully concerning it. He knew to a +fraction how large her jointure was; how she was to have Gorgon Castle +for her life; and how, in the event of the young baronet's death (he, +too, was a sickly poor boy), the chief part of the estates, bought by +her money, would be at her absolute disposal. + +“What a pity these odious politics prevent me from having you for our +agent,” would Lady Gorgon say; and indeed Scully thought it was a pity +too. Ambitious Scully! what wild notions filled his brain. He used to +take leave of Lady Gorgon and ruminate upon these things; and when he +was gone, Sir George and her Ladyship used to laugh. + +“If we can but commit him--if we can but make him vote for Pincher,” + said the General, “my peerage is secure. Hawksby and Crampton as good as +told me so.” + +The point had been urged upon Mr. Scully repeatedly and adroitly. “Is +not Pincher a more experienced man than Macabaw?” would Sir George say +to his guest over their wine. Scully allowed it. “Can't you vote for +him on personal grounds, and say so in the House?” Scully wished he +could--how he wished he could! Every time the General coughed, Scully +saw his friend's desperate situation more and more, and thought how +pleasant it would be to be lord of Gorgon Castle. “Knowing my property,” + cried Sir George, “as you do, and with your talents and integrity, what +a comfort it would be could I leave you as guardian to my boy! But these +cursed politics prevent it, my dear fellow. Why WILL you be a Radical?” + And Scully cursed politics too. “Hang the low-bred rogue,” added Sir +George, when William Pitt Scully left the house: “he will do everything +but promise.” + +“My dear General,” said Lady Gorgon, sidling up to him and patting him +on his old yellow cheek--“My dear Georgy, tell me one thing,--are you +jealous?” + +“Jealous, my dear! and jealous of THAT fellow--pshaw!” + +“Well, then, give me leave, and you shall have the promise to-morrow.” + + * * * + +To-morrow arrived. It was a remarkably fine day, and in the forenoon +Mr. Perkins gave his accustomed knock at Scully's study, which was only +separated from his own sitting-room by a double door. John had wisely +followed his uncle's advice, and was on the best terms with the +honourable Member. + +“Here are a few sentences,” said he, “which I think may suit +your purpose. Great public services--undeniable merit--years of +integrity--cause of reform, and Macabaw for ever!” He put down the +paper. It was, in fact, a speech in favour of Mr. Macabaw. + +“Hush,” said Scully, rather surlily; for he was thinking how +disagreeable it was to support Macabaw; and besides, there were clerks +in the room, whom the thoughtless Perkins had not at first perceived. As +soon as that gentleman saw them, “You are busy, I see,” continued he in +a lower tone. “I came to say that I must be off duty to-day, for I am +engaged to take a walk with some ladies of my acquaintance.” + +So saying, the light-hearted young man placed his hat unceremoniously on +his head, and went off through his own door, humming a song. He was in +such high spirits that he did not even think of closing the doors of +communication, and Scully looked after him with a sneer. + +“Ladies, forsooth,” thought he; “I know who they are. This precious girl +that he is fooling with, for one, I suppose.” He was right: Perkins was +off on the wings of love, to see Miss Lucy; and she and Aunt Biggs +and Uncle Crampton had promised this very day to come and look at the +apartments which Mrs. John Perkins was to occupy with her happy husband. + +“Poor devil,” so continued Mr. Scully's meditations, “it is almost too +bad to do him out of his place; but my Bob wants it, and John's girl +has, I hear, seven thousand pounds. His uncle will get him another place +before all that money is spent.” And herewith Mr. Scully began conning +the speech which Perkins had made for him. + +He had not read it more than six times,--in truth, he was getting it by +heart,--when his head clerk came to him from the front room, bearing +a card: a footman had brought it, who said his lady was waiting below. +Lady Gorgon's name was on the card! To seize his hat and rush downstairs +was, with Mr. Scully, the work of an infinitesimal portion of time. + +It was indeed Lady Gorgon in her Gorgonian chariot. + +“Mr. Scully,” said she, popping her head out of window and smiling in a +most engaging way, “I want to speak to you, on something very particular +INDEED”--and she held him out her hand. Scully pressed it most tenderly: +he hoped all heads in Bedford Row were at the windows to see him. “I +can't ask you into the carriage, for you see the governess is with me, +and I want to talk secrets to you.” + +“Shall I go and make a little promenade?” said mademoiselle, innocently. +And her mistress hated her for that speech. + +“No. Mr. Scully, I am sure, will let me come in for five minutes?” + +Mr. Scully was only too happy. My Lady descended and walked upstairs, +leaning on the happy solicitor's arm. But how should he manage? The +front room was consecrated to clerks; there were clerks too, as ill-luck +would have it, in his private room. “Perkins is out for the day,” + thought Scully; “I will take her into his room.” And into Perkins's +room he took her--ay, and he shut the double doors after him too, and +trembled as he thought of his own happiness. + +“What a charming little study,” said Lady Gorgon, seating herself. And +indeed it was very pretty: for Perkins had furnished it beautifully, and +laid out a neat tray with cakes, a cold fowl, and sherry, to entertain +his party withal. “And do you bachelors always live so well?” continued +she, pointing to the little cold collation. + +Mr. Scully looked rather blank when he saw it, and a dreadful suspicion +crossed his soul; but there was no need to trouble Lady Gorgon with +explanations: therefore, at once, and with much presence of mind, he +asked her to partake of his bachelor's fare (she would refuse Mr. Scully +nothing that day). A pretty sight would it have been for young Perkins +to see strangers so unceremoniously devouring his feast. She drank--Mr. +Scully drank--and so emboldened was he by the draught that he actually +seated himself by the side of Lady Gorgon, on John Perkins's new sofa. + +Her Ladyship had of course something to say to him. She was a pious +woman, and had suddenly conceived a violent wish for building a chapel +of ease at Oldborough, to which she entreated him to subscribe. She +enlarged upon the benefits that the town would derive from it, spoke +of Sunday-schools, sweet spiritual instruction, and the duty of all +well-minded persons to give aid to the scheme. + +“I will subscribe a hundred pounds,” said Scully, at the end of her +Ladyship's harangue: “would I not do anything for you?” + +“Thank you, thank you, dear Mr. Scully,” said the enthusiastic woman. +(How the “dear” went burning through his soul!) “Ah!” added she, “if +you WOULD but do anything for me--if you, who are so eminently, so truly +distinguished, in a religious point of view, would but see the truth +in politics too; and if I could see your name among those of the true +patriot party in this empire, how blest--oh! how blest should I be! Poor +Sir George often says he should go to his grave happy, could he but +see you the guardian of his boy; and I, your old friend (for we WERE +friends, William), how have I wept to think of you as one of those who +are bringing our monarchy to ruin. Do, do promise me this too!” And she +took his hand and pressed it between hers. + +The heart of William Pitt Scully, during this speech, was thumping +up and down with a frightful velocity and strength. His old love, the +agency of the Gorgon property--the dear widow--five thousand a year +clear--a thousand delicious hopes rushed madly through his brain, and +almost took away his reason. And there she sat--she, the loved one, +pressing his hand and looking softly into his eyes. + +Down, down he plumped on his knees. + +“Juliana!” shrieked he, “don't take away your hand! My love--my only +love!--speak but those blessed words again! Call me William once more, +and do with me what you will.” + +Juliana cast down her eyes and said, in the very smallest type, +“William!” + + * * * +--when the door opened, and in walked Mr. Crampton, leading Mrs. Biggs, +who could hardly contain herself for laughing, and Mr. John Perkins, who +was squeezing the arm of Miss Lucy. They had heard every word of the two +last speeches. + +For at the very moment when Lady Gorgon had stopped at Mr. Scully's +door, the four above-named individuals had issued from Great James +Street into Bedford Row. + +Lucy cried out that it was her aunt's carriage, and they all saw Mr. +Scully come out, bare-headed, in the sunshine, and my Lady descend, and +the pair go into the house. They meanwhile entered by Mr. Perkins's own +private door, and had been occupied in examining the delightful rooms +on the ground-floor, which were to be his dining-room and library--from +which they ascended a stair to visit the other two rooms, which were to +form Mrs. John Perkins's drawing-room and bedroom. Now whether it was +that they trod softly, or that the stairs were covered with a grand new +carpet and drugget, as was the case, or that the party within were too +much occupied in themselves to heed any outward disturbances, I know +not; but Lucy, who was advancing with John (he was saying something +about one of the apartments, the rogue!)--Lucy started and whispered, +“There is somebody in the rooms!” and at that instant began the speech +already reported, “THANK YOU, THANK YOU, DEAR MR. SCULLY,” etc. etc., +which was delivered by Lady Gorgon in a full clear voice; for, to do her +Ladyship justice, SHE had not one single grain of love for Mr. Scully, +and during the delivery of her little oration, was as cool as the +coolest cucumber. + +Then began the impassioned rejoinder, to which the four listened on +the landing-place; and then the little “William,” as narrated above: at +which juncture Mr. Crampton thought proper to rattle at the door, and, +after a brief pause, to enter with his party. + +“William” had had time to bounce off his knees, and was on a chair at +the other end of the room. + +“What, Lady Gorgon!” said Mr. Crampton, with excellent surprise, “how +delighted I am to see you! Always, I see employed in works of charity” + (the chapel-of-ease paper was on her knees), “and on such an occasion, +too,--it is really the most wonderful coincidence! My dear madam, here +is a silly fellow, a nephew of mine, who is going to marry a silly girl, +a niece of your own.” + +“Sir, I--” began Lady Gorgon, rising. + +“They heard every word,” whispered Mr. Crampton eagerly. “Come forward, +Mr. Perkins, and show yourself.” Mr. Perkins made a genteel bow. “Miss +Lucy, please to shake hands with your aunt; and this, my dear madam, is +Mrs. Biggs, of Mecklenburgh Square, who, if she were not too old, might +marry a gentleman in the Treasury, who is your very humble servant.” And +with this gallant speech, old Mr. Crampton began helping everybody to +sherry and cake. + +As for William Pitt Scully, he had disappeared, evaporated, in the +most absurd sneaking way imaginable. Lady Gorgon made good her retreat +presently, with much dignity, her countenance undismayed, and her face +turned resolutely to the foe. + + * * * + +About five days afterwards, that memorable contest took place in the +House of Commons, in which the partisans of Mr. Macabaw were so very +nearly getting him the Speakership. On the day that the report of the +debate appeared in the Times, there appeared also an announcement in the +Gazette as follows:-- + +“The King has been pleased to appoint John Perkins, Esquire, to be +Deputy-Subcomptroller of His Majesty's Tape Office and Custos of the +Sealing-Wax Department.” + +Mr. Crampton showed this to his nephew with great glee, and was +chuckling to think how Mr. William Pitt Scully would be annoyed, who +had expected the place, when Perkins burst out laughing and said, “By +heavens, here is my own speech! Scully has spoken every word of it; he +has only put in Mr. Pincher's name in the place of Mr. Macabaw's.” + +“He is ours now,” responded his uncle, “and I told you WE WOULD HAVE HIM +FOR NOTHING. I told you, too, that you should be married from Sir George +Gorgon's, and here is proof of it.” + +It was a letter from Lady Gorgon, in which she said that, “had she known +Mr. Perkins to be a nephew of her friend Mr. Crampton, she never for +a moment would have opposed his marriage with her niece, and she +had written that morning to her dear Lucy, begging that the marriage +breakfast should take place in Baker Street.” + +“It shall be in Mecklenburgh Square,” said John Perkins stoutly; and in +Mecklenburgh Square it was. + +William Pitt Scully, Esquire, was, as Mr. Crampton said, hugely annoyed +at the loss of the place for his nephew. He had still, however, his +hopes to look forward to, but these were unluckily dashed by the coming +in of the Whigs. As for Sir George Gorgon, when he came to ask about his +peerage, Hawksby told him that they could not afford to lose him in the +Commons, for a Liberal Member would infallibly fill his place. + +And now that the Tories are out and the Whigs are in, strange to say a +Liberal does fill his place. This Liberal is no other than Sir George +Gorgon himself, who is still longing to be a lord, and his lady is still +devout and intriguing. So that the Members for Oldborough have +changed sides, and taunt each other with apostasy, and hate each other +cordially. Mr. Crampton still chuckles over the manner in which he +tricked them both, and talks of those five minutes during which he +stood on the landing-place, and hatched and executed his “Bedford-Row +Conspiracy.” + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Bedford-Row Conspiracy, by +William Makepeace Thackeray + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE BEDFORD-ROW CONSPIRACY *** + +***** This file should be named 1990-0.txt or 1990-0.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/1/9/9/1990/ + +Produced by Les Bowler + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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Thus, we do not necessarily +keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition. + + +Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility: + + http://www.gutenberg.org + +This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm, +including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary +Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to +subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. diff --git a/1990-0.zip b/1990-0.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..8f33bda --- /dev/null +++ b/1990-0.zip diff --git a/1990-h.zip b/1990-h.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..c4f05fd --- /dev/null +++ b/1990-h.zip diff --git a/1990-h/1990-h.htm b/1990-h/1990-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..35bb8d6 --- /dev/null +++ b/1990-h/1990-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,2710 @@ +<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?> + +<!DOCTYPE html + PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd" > + +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" lang="en"> + <head> + <title> + The Bedford-row Conspiracy, by William Makepeace Thackeray + </title> + <style type="text/css" xml:space="preserve"> + + body { margin:5%; background:#faebd0; text-align:justify} + P { text-indent: 1em; margin-top: .25em; margin-bottom: .25em; } + H1,H2,H3,H4,H5,H6 { text-align: center; margin-left: 15%; margin-right: 15%; } + hr { width: 50%; text-align: center;} + .foot { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; text-indent: -3em; font-size: 90%; } + blockquote {font-size: 97%; font-style: italic; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;} + .mynote {background-color: #DDE; color: #000; padding: .5em; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 95%;} + .toc { margin-left: 10%; margin-bottom: .75em;} + .toc2 { margin-left: 20%;} + div.fig { display:block; margin:0 auto; text-align:center; } + div.middle { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; } + .figleft {float: left; margin-left: 0%; margin-right: 1%;} + .figright {float: right; margin-right: 0%; margin-left: 1%;} + .pagenum {display:inline; font-size: 70%; font-style:normal; + margin: 0; padding: 0; position: absolute; right: 1%; + text-align: right;} + pre { font-style: italic; font-size: 90%; margin-left: 10%;} + +</style> + </head> + <body> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Bedford-Row Conspiracy, by +William Makepeace Thackeray + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Bedford-Row Conspiracy + +Author: William Makepeace Thackeray + +Release Date: September 21, 2008 [EBook #1990] +Last Updated: March 5, 2018 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: UTF-8 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE BEDFORD-ROW CONSPIRACY *** + + + + +Produced by Les Bowler, and David Widger + + + + + +</pre> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <h1> + THE BEDFORD-ROW CONSPIRACY + </h1> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <h2> + By William Makepeace Thackeray + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + Contents + </h3> + <table summary=""> + <tr> + <td> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0001"> <b>THE BEDFORD-ROW CONSPIRACY</b> </a> + </p> + <br /> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0001"> CHAPTER I. </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0002"> CHAPTER II. </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0003"> CHAPTER III. </a> + </p> + </td> + </tr> + </table> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + Note: + <br /> + A story of Charles de Bernard furnished the plot of + <br /> + “The Bedford-Row Conspiracy.” + <br /> + </pre> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0001" id="link2H_4_0001"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h1> + THE BEDFORD-ROW CONSPIRACY + </h1> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0001" id="link2HCH0001"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER I. + </h2> + <p> + OF THE LOVES OF MR. PERKINS AND MISS GORGON, AND OF THE TWO GREAT FACTIONS + IN THE TOWN OF OLDBOROUGH. + </p> + <p> + “My dear John,” cried Lucy, with a very wise look indeed, “it must and + shall be so. As for Doughty Street, with our means, a house is out of the + question. We must keep three servants, and Aunt Biggs says the taxes are + one-and-twenty pounds a year.” + </p> + <p> + “I have seen a sweet place at Chelsea,” remarked John: “Paradise Row, No. + 17,—garden—greenhouse—fifty pounds a year—omnibus + to town within a mile.” + </p> + <p> + “What! that I may be left alone all day, and you spend a fortune in + driving backward and forward in those horrid breakneck cabs? My darling, I + should die there—die of fright, I know I should. Did you not say + yourself that the road was not as yet lighted, and that the place swarmed + with public-houses and dreadful tipsy Irish bricklayers? Would you kill + me, John?” + </p> + <p> + “My da-arling,” said John, with tremendous fondness, clutching Miss Lucy + suddenly round the waist, and rapping the hand of that young person + violently against his waistcoat,—“My da-arling, don't say such + things, even in a joke. If I objected to the chambers, it is only because + you, my love, with your birth and connections, ought to have a house of + your own. The chambers are quite large enough and certainly quite good + enough for me.” And so, after some more sweet parley on the part of these + young people, it was agreed that they should take up their abode, when + married, in a part of the House number One hundred and something, Bedford + Row. + </p> + <p> + It will be necessary to explain to the reader that John was no other than + John Perkins, Esquire, of the Middle Temple, barrister-at-law, and that + Miss Lucy was the daughter of the late Captain Gorgon, and Marianne Biggs, + his wife. The Captain being of noble connections, younger son of a + baronet, cousin to Lord X——, and related to the Y—— + family, had angered all his relatives by marrying a very silly pretty + young woman, who kept a ladies'-school at Canterbury. She had six hundred + pounds to her fortune, which the Captain laid out in the purchase of a + sweet travelling-carriage and dressing-case for himself; and going abroad + with his lady, spent several years in the principal prisons of Europe, in + one of which he died. His wife and daughter were meantime supported by the + contributions of Mrs. Jemima Biggs, who still kept the ladies'-school. + </p> + <p> + At last a dear old relative—such a one as one reads of in romances—died + and left seven thousand pounds apiece to the two sisters, whereupon the + elder gave up schooling and retired to London; and the younger managed to + live with some comfort and decency at Brussels, upon two hundred and ten + pounds per annum. Mrs. Gorgon never touched a shilling of her capital, for + the very good reason that it was placed entirely out of her reach; so that + when she died, her daughter found herself in possession of a sum of money + that is not always to be met with in this world. + </p> + <p> + Her aunt the baronet's lady, and her aunt the ex-schoolmistress, both + wrote very pressing invitations to her, and she resided with each for six + months after her arrival in England. Now, for a second time, she had come + to Mrs. Biggs, Caroline Place, Mecklenburgh Square. It was under the roof + of that respectable old lady that John Perkins, Esquire, being invited to + take tea, wooed and won Miss Gorgon. + </p> + <p> + Having thus described the circumstances of Miss Gorgon's life, let us pass + for a moment from that young lady, and lift up the veil of mystery which + envelopes the deeds and character of Perkins. + </p> + <p> + Perkins, too, was an orphan; and he and his Lucy, of summer evenings, when + Sol descending lingered fondly yet about the minarets of the Foundling, + and gilded the grassplots of Mecklenburgh Square—Perkins, I say, and + Lucy would often sit together in the summer-house of that pleasure-ground, + and muse upon the strange coincidences of their life. Lucy was motherless + and fatherless; so too was Perkins. If Perkins was brotherless and + sisterless, was not Lucy likewise an only child? Perkins was twenty-three: + his age and Lucy's united, amounted to forty-six; and it was to be + remarked, as a fact still more extraordinary, that while Lucy's relatives + were AUNTS, John's were UNCLES. Mysterious spirit of love! let us treat + thee with respect and whisper not too many of thy secrets. The fact is, + John and Lucy were a pair of fools (as every young couple OUGHT to be who + have hearts that are worth a farthing), and were ready to find + coincidences, sympathies, hidden gushes of feeling, mystic unions of the + soul, and what not, in every single circumstance that occurred from the + rising of the sun to the going down thereof, and in the intervals. Bedford + Row, where Perkins lived, is not very far from Mecklenburgh Square; and + John used to say that he felt a comfort that his house and Lucy's were + served by the same muffin-man. + </p> + <p> + Further comment is needless. A more honest, simple, clever, warm-hearted, + soft, whimsical, romantical, high-spirited young fellow than John Perkins + did not exist. When his father, Doctor Perkins, died, this, his only son, + was placed under the care of John Perkins, Esquire, of the house of + Perkins, Scully, and Perkins, those celebrated attorneys in the trading + town of Oldborough, which the second partner, William Pitt Scully, + Esquire, represented in Parliament and in London. + </p> + <p> + All John's fortune was the house in Bedford Row, which, at his father's + death, was let out into chambers, and brought in a clear hundred a year. + Under his uncle's roof at Oldborough, where he lived with thirteen + red-haired male and female cousins, he was only charged fifty pounds for + board, clothes, and pocket-money, and the remainder of his rents was + carefully put by for him until his majority. When he approached that + period—when he came to belong to two spouting-clubs at Oldborough, + among the young merchants and lawyers'-clerks—to blow the flute + nicely, and play a good game at billiards—to have written one or two + smart things in the Oldborough Sentinel—to be fond of smoking (in + which act he was discovered by his fainting aunt at three o'clock one + morning)—in one word, when John Perkins arrived at manhood, he + discovered that he was quite unfit to be an attorney, that he detested all + the ways of his uncle's stern, dull, vulgar, regular, red-headed family, + and he vowed that he would go to London and make his fortune. Thither he + went, his aunt and cousins, who were all “serious,” vowing that he was a + lost boy; and when his history opens, John had been two years in the + metropolis, inhabiting his own garrets; and a very nice compact set of + apartments, looking into the back-garden, at this moment falling vacant, + the prudent Lucy Gorgon had visited them, and vowed that she and her John + should there commence housekeeping. + </p> + <p> + All these explanations are tedious, but necessary; and furthermore, it + must be said, that as John's uncle's partner was the Liberal member for + Oldborough, so Lucy's uncle was its Ministerial representative. + </p> + <p> + This gentleman, the brother of the deceased Captain Gorgon, lived at the + paternal mansion of Gorgon Castle, and rejoiced in the name and title of + Sir George Grimsby Gorgon. + </p> + <p> + He, too, like his younger brother, had married a lady beneath his own rank + in life; having espoused the daughter and heiress of Mr. Hicks, the great + brewer at Oldborough, who held numerous mortgages on the Gorgon property, + all of which he yielded up, together with his daughter Juliana, to the + care of the baronet. + </p> + <p> + What Lady Gorgon was in character, this history will show. In person, if + she may be compared to any vulgar animal, one of her father's heavy, + healthy, broad-flanked, Roman-nosed white dray-horses might, to the poetic + mind, appear to resemble her. At twenty she was a splendid creature, and + though not at her full growth, yet remarkable for strength and sinew; at + forty-five she was as fine a woman as any in His Majesty's dominions. Five + feet seven in height, thirteen stone, her own teeth and hair, she looked + as if she were the mother of a regiment of Grenadier Guards. She had three + daughters of her own size, and at length, ten years after the birth of the + last of the young ladies, a son—one son—George Augustus + Frederick Grimsby Gorgon, the godson of a royal duke, whose steady officer + in waiting Sir George had been for many years. + </p> + <p> + It is needless to say, after entering so largely into a description of + Lady Gorgon, that her husband was a little shrivelled wizen-faced + creature, eight inches shorter than her Ladyship. This is the way of the + world, as every single reader of this book must have remarked; for frolic + love delights to join giants and pigmies of different sexes in the bonds + of matrimony. When you saw her Ladyship in flame-coloured satin and + gorgeous toque and feathers, entering the drawing-room, as footmen along + the stairs shouted melodiously, “Sir George and Lady Gorgon,” you beheld + in her company a small withered old gentleman, with powder and large royal + household buttons, who tripped at her elbow as a little weak-legged colt + does at the side of a stout mare. + </p> + <p> + The little General had been present at about a hundred and twenty pitched + battles on Hounslow Heath and Wormwood Scrubs, but had never drawn his + sword against an enemy. As might be expected, therefore, his talk and + tenue were outrageously military. He had the whole Army List by heart—that + is, as far as the field-officers: all below them he scorned. A bugle at + Gorgon Castle always sounded at breakfast, and dinner: a gun announced + sunset. He clung to his pigtail for many years after the army had forsaken + that ornament, and could never be brought to think much of the Peninsular + men for giving it up. When he spoke of the Duke, he used to call him “MY + LORD WELLINGTON—I RECOLLECT HIM AS CAPTAIN WELLESLEY.” He swore + fearfully in conversation, was most regular at church, and regularly read + to his family and domestics the morning and evening prayer; he bullied his + daughters, seemed to bully his wife, who led him whither she chose; gave + grand entertainments, and never asked a friend by chance; had splendid + liveries, and starved his people; and was as dull, stingy, pompous, + insolent, cringing, ill-tempered a little creature as ever was known. + </p> + <p> + With such qualities you may fancy that he was generally admired in society + and by his country. So he was: and I never knew a man so endowed whose way + through life was not safe—who had fewer pangs of conscience—more + positive enjoyments—more respect shown to him—more favours + granted to him, than such a one as my friend the General. + </p> + <p> + Her Ladyship was just suited to him, and they did in reality admire each + other hugely. Previously to her marriage with the baronet, many + love-passages had passed between her and William Pitt Scully, Esquire, the + attorney; and there was especially one story, a propos of certain + syllabubs and Sally-Lunn cakes, which seemed to show that matters had gone + very far. Be this as it may, no sooner did the General (Major Gorgon he + was then) cast an eye on her, than Scully's five years' fabric of love was + instantly dashed to the ground. She cut him pitilessly, cut Sally Scully, + his sister, her dearest friend and confidante, and bestowed her big person + upon the little aide-de-camp at the end of a fortnight's wooing. In the + course of time their mutual fathers died; the Gorgon estates were + unencumbered: patron of both the seats in the borough of Oldborough, and + occupant of one, Sir George Grimsby Gorgon, Baronet, was a personage of no + small importance. + </p> + <p> + He was, it scarcely need to be said, a Tory; and this was the reason why + William Pitt Scully, Esquire, of the firm of Perkins and Scully, deserted + those principles in which he had been bred and christened; deserted that + church which he had frequented, for he could not bear to see Sir George + and my Lady flaunting in their grand pew;—deserted, I say, the + church, adopted the conventicle, and became one of the most zealous and + eloquent supporters that Freedom has known in our time. Scully, of the + house of Scully and Perkins, was a dangerous enemy. In five years from + that marriage, which snatched from the jilted solicitor his heart's young + affections, Sir George Gorgon found that he must actually spend seven + hundred pounds to keep his two seats. At the next election, a Liberal was + set up against his man, and actually ran him hard; and finally, at the end + of eighteen years, the rejected Scully—the mean attorney—was + actually the FIRST Member for Oldborough, Sir George Grimsby Gorgon, + Baronet, being only the second! + </p> + <p> + The agony of that day cannot be imagined—the dreadful curses of Sir + George, who saw fifteen hundred a year robbed from under his very nose—the + religious resignation of my Lady—the hideous window-smashing that + took place at the “Gorgon Arms,” and the discomfiture of the pelted Mayor + and Corporation. The very next Sunday, Scully was reconciled to the church + (or attended it in the morning, and the meeting twice in the afternoon), + and as Doctor Snorter uttered the prayer for the High Court of Parliament, + his eye, the eye of his whole party—turned towards Lady Gorgon and + Sir George in a most unholy triumph. Sir George (who always stood during + prayers, like a military man) fairly sank down among the hassocks, and + Lady Gorgon was heard to sob as audibly as ever did little + beadle-belaboured urchin. + </p> + <p> + Scully, when at Oldborough, came from that day forth to church. “What,” + said he, “was it to him? were we not all brethren?” Old Perkins, however, + kept religiously to the Squaretoes congregation. In fact, to tell the + truth, this subject had been debated between the partners, who saw the + advantage of courting both the Establishment and the Dissenters—a + manoeuvre which, I need not say, is repeated in almost every country town + in England, where a solicitor's house has this kind of power and + connection. + </p> + <p> + Three months after this election came the races at Oldborough, and the + race-ball. Gorgon was so infuriated by his defeat, that he gave “the + Gorgon cup and cover,” a matter of fifteen pounds. Scully, “although + anxious,” as he wrote from town, “anxious beyond measure to preserve the + breed of horses for which our beloved country has ever been famous, could + attend no such sports as these, which but too often degenerated into + vice.” It was voted a shabby excuse. Lady Gorgon was radiant in her + barouche and four, and gladly became the patroness of the ball that was to + ensue; and which all the gentry and townspeople, Tory and Whig, were in + the custom of attending. The ball took place on the last day of the races. + On that day, the walls of the market-house, the principal public + buildings, and the “Gorgon Arms Hotel” itself, were plastered with the + following:— + </p> + <p> + “Letter from our distinguished representative, William P. Scully, Esquire, + etc., etc. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “HOUSE OF COMMONS: June 1, 18—. +</pre> + <p> + “MY DEAR HEELTAP,—You know my opinion about horseracing, and though + I blame neither you nor any brother Englishman who enjoys that manly + sport, you will, I am sure, appreciate the conscientious motives which + induce me not to appear among my friends and constituents on the festival + of the 3rd, 4th, and 5th instant. If <i>I</i>, however, cannot allow my + name to appear among your list of stewards, ONE at least of the + representatives of Oldborough has no such scruples. Sir George Gorgon is + among you: and though I differ from that honourable Baronet on more than + ONE VITAL POINT, I am glad to think that he is with you. A gentleman, a + soldier, a man of property in the county, how can he be better employed + than in forwarding the county's amusements, and in forwarding the + happiness of all? + </p> + <p> + “Had I no such scruples as those to which I have just alluded, I must + still have refrained from coming among you. Your great Oldborough + common-drainage and inclosure bill comes on to-morrow, and I shall be AT + MY POST. I am sure, if Sir George Gorgon were here, he and I should on + this occasion vote side by side, and that party strife would be forgotten + in the object of our common interest—OUR DEAR NATIVE TOWN. + </p> + <p> + “There is, however, another occasion at hand, in which I shall be proud to + meet him. Your ball is on the night of the 6th. Party forgotten—brotherly + union—innocent mirth—beauty, OUR DEAR TOWN'S BEAUTY, our + daughters in the joy of their expanding loveliness, our matrons in the + exquisite contemplation of their children's bliss—can you, can I, + can Whig or Tory, can any Briton be indifferent to a scene like this, or + refuse to join in this heart-stirring festival? If there BE such let them + pardon me—I, for one, my dear Heeltap, will be among you on Friday + night—ay, and hereby invite all pretty Tory Misses, who are in want + of a partner. + </p> + <p> + “I am here in the very midst of good things, you know, and we old folks + like A SUPPER after a dance. Please to accept a brace of bucks and a + turtle, which come herewith. My worthy colleague, who was so liberal last + year of his soup to the poor, will not, I trust, refuse to taste a little + of Alderman Birch's—'tis offered on my part with hearty goodwill. + Hey for the 6th, and vive la joie! + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “Ever, my dear Heeltap, your faithful + + “W. PITT SCULLY. +</pre> + <p> + “P.S.—Of course this letter is STRICTLY PRIVATE. Say that the + venison, etc. came from a WELL-WISHER TO OLDBOROUGH.” + </p> + <p> + This amazing letter was published, in defiance of Mr. Scully's + injunctions, by the enthusiastic Heeltap, who said, bluntly, in a preface, + “that he saw no reason why Mr. Scully should be ashamed of his action, and + he, for his part, was glad to let all friends at Oldborough know of it.” + </p> + <p> + The allusion about the Gorgon soup was killing: thirteen paupers in + Oldborough had, it was confidently asserted, died of it. Lady Gorgon, on + the reading of this letter, was struck completely dumb; Sir George Gorgon + was wild. Ten dozen of champagne was he obliged to send down to the + “Gorgon Arms,” to be added to the festival. He would have stayed away if + he could, but he dared not. + </p> + <p> + At nine o'clock, he in general's uniform; his wife in blue satin and + diamonds; his daughters in blue crape and white roses; his niece, Lucy + Gorgon, in white muslin; his son, George Augustus Frederick Grimsby + Gorgon, in a blue velvet jacket, sugar-loaf buttons, and nankeens, entered + the north door of the ballroom, to much cheering, and the sound of “God + save the King!” + </p> + <p> + At that very same moment, and from the south door, issued William Pitt + Scully, Esquire, M.P., and his staff. Mr. Scully had a brand-new blue coat + and brass buttons, buff waistcoat, white kerseymere tights, pumps with + large rosettes, and pink silk stockings. + </p> + <p> + “This wool,” said he to a friend, “was grown on Oldborough sheep, this + cloth was spun in Oldborough looms, these buttons were cast in an + Oldborough manufactory, these shoes were made by an Oldborough tradesman, + this HEART first beat in Oldborough town, and pray Heaven may be buried + there!” + </p> + <p> + Could anything resist a man like this? John Perkins, who had come down as + one of Scully's aides-de-camp, in a fit of generous enthusiasm, leaped on + a whist-table, flung up a pocket-handkerchief, and shrieked—“SCULLY + FOR EVER!” + </p> + <p> + Heeltap, who was generally drunk, fairly burst into tears, and the grave + tradesmen and Whig gentry, who had dined with the Member at his inn, and + accompanied him thence to the “Gorgon Arms,” lifted their deep voices and + shouted “Hear!” “Good!” “Bravo!” “Noble!” “Scully for ever!” “God bless + him!” and “Hurrah!” + </p> + <p> + The scene was tumultuously affecting; and when young Perkins sprang down + from the table and came blushing up to the Member, that gentleman said, + “Thank you, Jack! THANK you, my boy! THANK you,” in a way which made + Perkins think that his supreme cup of bliss was quaffed; that he had but + to die: for that life had no other such joy in store for him. Scully was + Perkins's Napoleon—he yielded himself up to the attorney, body and + soul. + </p> + <p> + Whilst this scene was going on under one chandelier of the ballroom, + beneath the other scarlet little General Gorgon, sumptuous Lady Gorgon, + the daughters and niece Gorgons, were standing surrounded by their Tory + court, who affected to sneer and titter at the Whig demonstrations which + were taking place. + </p> + <p> + “What a howwid thmell of whithkey!” lisped Cornet Fitch, of the Dragoons, + to Miss Lucy, confidentially. “And the—the are what they call + Whigth, are they? He! he!” + </p> + <p> + “They are drunk, ——me, —drunk, by ——!” said + the General to the Mayor. + </p> + <p> + “WHICH is Scully?” said Lady Gorgon, lifting her glass gravely (she was at + that very moment thinking of the syllabubs). “Is it that tipsy man in the + green coat, or that vulgar creature in the blue one?” + </p> + <p> + “Law, my Lady,” said the Mayoress, “have you forgotten him? Why, that's + him in blue and buff.” + </p> + <p> + “And a monthous fine man, too,” said Cornet Fitch. “I wish we had him in + our twoop—he'th thix feet thwee, if he'th an inch; ain't he, + Genewal?” + </p> + <p> + No reply. + </p> + <p> + “And heavens! Mamma,” shrieked the three Gorgons in a breath, “see, one + creature is on the whist-table. Oh, the wretch! + </p> + <p> + “I'm sure he's very good-looking,” said Lucy, simply. + </p> + <p> + Lady Gorgon darted at her an angry look, and was about to say something + very contemptuous, when, at that instant, John Perkins's shout taking + effect, Master George Augustus Frederick Grimsby Gorgon, not knowing + better, incontinently raised a small shout on his side. + </p> + <p> + “Hear! good! bravo!” exclaimed he; “Scully for ever! Hurra-a-a-ay!” and + fell skipping about like the Whigs opposite. + </p> + <p> + “Silence, you brute you!” groaned Lady Gorgon; and seizing him by the + shirt-frill and coat-collar, carried him away to his nurse, who, with many + other maids of the Whig and Tory parties, stood giggling and peeping at + the landing-place. + </p> + <p> + Fancy how all these small incidents augmented the heap of Lady Gorgon's + anger and injuries! She was a dull phlegmatic woman for the most part, and + contented herself generally with merely despising her neighbours; but oh! + what a fine active hatred raged in her bosom for victorious Scully! At + this moment Mr. Perkins had finished shaking hands with his Napoleon—Napoleon + seemed bent upon some tremendous enterprise. He was looking at Lady Gorgon + very hard. + </p> + <p> + “She's a fine woman,” said Scully, thoughtfully; he was still holding the + hand of Perkins. And then, after a pause, “Gad! I think I'll try.” + </p> + <p> + “Try what, sir?” + </p> + <p> + “She's a DEUCED fine woman!” burst out again the tender solicitor. “I WILL + go. Springer, tell the fiddlers to strike up.” + </p> + <p> + Springer scuttled across the room, and gave the leader of the band a + knowing nod. Suddenly, “God save the King” ceased, and “Sir Roger de + Coverley” began. The rival forces eyed each other; Mr. Scully, accompanied + by his friend, came forward, looking very red, and fumbling two large kid + gloves. + </p> + <p> + “HE'S GOING TO ASK ME TO DANCE,” hissed out Lady Gorgon, with a dreadful + intuition, and she drew back behind her lord. + </p> + <p> + “D—— it, madam, THEN DANCE with him!” said the General. “Don't + you see that the scoundrel is carrying it all his own way! —— + him! and —— him! and —— him!” (All of which dashes + the reader may fill up with oaths of such strength as may be requisite). + </p> + <p> + “General!” cried Lady Gorgon, but could say no more. Scully was before + her. + </p> + <p> + “Madam!” exclaimed the Liberal Member for Oldborough, “in a moment like + this—I say—that is—that on the present occasion—your + Ladyship—unaccustomed as I am—pooh, psha—WILL your + Ladyship give me the distinguished honour and pleasure of going down the + country-dance with your Ladyship?” + </p> + <p> + An immense heave of her Ladyship's ample chest was perceptible. Yards of + blond lace, which might be compared to a foam of the sea, were agitated at + the same moment, and by the same mighty emotion. The river of diamonds + which flowed round her Ladyship's neck, seemed to swell and to shine more + than ever. The tall plumes on her ambrosial head bowed down beneath the + storm. In other words, Lady Gorgon, in a furious rage, which she was + compelled to restrain, trembled, drew up, and bowing majestically, said,— + </p> + <p> + “Sir, I shall have much pleasure.” With this, she extended her hand. + Scully, trembling, thrust forward one of his huge kid-gloves, and led her + to the head of the country-dance. John Perkins—who I presume had + been drinking pretty freely, so as to have forgotten his ordinary + bashfulness—looked at the three Gorgons in blue, then at the pretty + smiling one in white, and stepping up to her, without the smallest + hesitation, asked her if she would dance with him. + </p> + <p> + The young lady smilingly agreed. The great example of Scully and Lady + Gorgon was followed by all dancing men and women. Political enmities were + forgotten. Whig voters invited Tory voters' wives to the dance. The + daughters of Reform accepted the hands of the sons of Conservatism. The + reconciliation of the Romans and Sabines was not more touching than this + sweet fusion. Whack—whack! Springer clapped his hands; and the + fiddlers adroitly obeying the cheerful signal, began playing “Sir Roger de + Coverley” louder than ever. + </p> + <p> + I do not know by what extraordinary charm (nescio qua praeter solitum, + etc.), but young Perkins, who all his life had hated country-dances, was + delighted with this one, and skipped and laughed, poussetting, crossing, + down-the-middling, with his merry little partner, till every one of the + bettermost sort of the thirty-nine couples had dropped panting away, and + till the youngest Miss Gorgon, coming up to his partner, said in a loud + hissing scornful whisper, “Lucy, Mamma thinks you have danced quite enough + with this—this person.” And Lucy, blushing, starting back, and + looking at Perkins in a very melancholy way, made him a little curtsey, + and went off to the Gorgonian party with her cousin. Perkins was too + frightened to lead her back to her place—too frightened at first, + and then too angry. “Person!” said he: his soul swelled with a desperate + republicanism: he went back to his patron more of a Radical than ever. + </p> + <p> + He found that gentleman in the solitary tea-room, pacing up and down + before the observant landlady and handmaidens of the “Gorgon Arms,” wiping + his brows, gnawing his fingers—his ears looming over his stiff white + shirt-collar as red as fire. Once more the great man seized John Perkins's + hand as the latter came up. + </p> + <p> + “D—— the aristocrats!” roared the ex-follower of Squaretoes. + </p> + <p> + “And so say I! but what's the matter, sir?” + </p> + <p> + “What's the matter?—Why, that woman—that infernal, haughty, + straitlaced, cold-blooded brewer's daughter! I loved that woman, sir—I + KISSED that woman, sir, twenty years ago: we were all but engaged, sir: + we've walked for hours and hours, sir—us and the governess—I've + got a lock of her hair, sir, among my papers now; and to-night, would you + believe it?—as soon as she got to the bottom of the set, away she + went—not one word would she speak to me all the way down: and when I + wanted to lead her to her place, and asked her if she would have a glass + of negus, 'Sir,' says she, 'I have done my duty; I bear no malice: but I + consider you a traitor to Sir George Gorgon's family—a traitor and + an upstart! I consider your speaking to me as a piece of insolent + vulgarity, and beg you will leave me to myself!' There's her speech, sir. + Twenty people heard it, and all of her Tory set too. I'll tell you what, + Jack: at the next election I'll put YOU up. Oh that woman! that woman!—and + to think that I love her still!” Here Mr. Scully paused, and fiercely + consoled himself by swallowing three cups of Mrs. Rincer's green tea. + </p> + <p> + The fact is, that Lady Gorgon's passion had completely got the better of + her reason. Her Ladyship was naturally cold, and artificially extremely + squeamish; and when this great red-faced enemy of hers looked tenderly at + her through his red little eyes, and squeezed her hand and attempted to + renew old acquaintance, she felt such an intolerable disgust at his + triumph, at his familiarity, and at the remembrance of her own former + liking for him, that she gave utterance to the speech above correctly + reported. The Tories were delighted with her spirit, and Cornet Fitch, + with much glee, told the story to the General; but that officer, who was + at whist with some of his friends, flung down his cards, and coming up to + his lady, said briefly,— + </p> + <p> + “Madam, you are a fool!” + </p> + <p> + “I will NOT stay here to be bearded by that disgusting man!—Mr. + Fitch, call my people.—Henrietta, bring Miss Lucy from that + linendraper with whom she is dancing. I will not stay, General, once for + all.” + </p> + <p> + Henrietta ran—she hated her cousin: Cornet Fitch was departing. + “Stop, Fitch,” said Sir George, seizing him by the arm. “You are a fool, + Lady Gorgon,” said he, “and I repeat it—a —— fool! This + fellow Scully is carrying all before him: he has talked with everybody, + laughed with everybody—and you, with your infernal airs—a + brewer's daughter, by ——, must sit like a queen and not speak + to a soul! You've lost me one seat of my borough, with your infernal pride—fifteen + hundred a year, by Jove!—and you think you will bully me out of + another. No, madam, you SHALL stay, and stay supper too;—and the + girls shall dance with every cursed chimney-sweep and butcher in the room: + they shall—confound me!” + </p> + <p> + Her Ladyship saw that it was necessary to submit; and Mr. Springer, the + master of the ceremonies, was called, and requested to point out some + eligible partners for the young ladies. One went off with a Whig + auctioneer; another figured in a quadrille with a very Liberal apothecary; + and the third, Miss Henrietta, remained. + </p> + <p> + “Hallo you, sir!” roared the little General to John Perkins, who was + passing by. John turned round and faced him. + </p> + <p> + “You were dancing with my niece just now—show us your skill now, and + dance with one of my daughters. Stand up, Miss Henrietta Gorgon—Mr. + What's-your-name?” + </p> + <p> + “My name,” said John, with marked and majestic emphasis, “is PERKINS.” And + he looked towards Lucy, who dared not look again. + </p> + <p> + “Miss Gorgon—Mr. Perkins. There, now go and dance.” + </p> + <p> + “Mr. Perkins regrets, madam,” said John, making a bow to Miss Henrietta, + “that he is not able to dance this evening. I am this moment obliged to + look to the supper; but you will find, no doubt, some other PERSON who + will have much pleasure.” + </p> + <p> + “Go to ——, sir!” screamed the General, starting up, and + shaking his cane. + </p> + <p> + “Calm yourself, dearest George,” said Lady Gorgon, clinging fondly to him. + Fitch twiddled his moustaches. Miss Henrietta Gorgon stared with open + mouth. The silks of the surrounding dowagers rustled—the + countenances of all looked grave. + </p> + <p> + “I will follow you, sir, wherever you please; and you may hear of me + whenever you like,” said Mr. Perkins, bowing and retiring. He heard little + Lucy sobbing in a corner. He was lost at once—lost in love; he felt + as if he could combat fifty generals! he never was so happy in his life. + </p> + <p> + The supper came; but as that meal cost five shillings a head, General + Gorgon dismissed the four spinsters of his family homewards in the + carriage, and so saved himself a pound. This added to Jack Perkins's + wrath; he had hoped to have seen Miss Lucy once more. He was a steward, + and, in the General's teeth, would have done his duty. He was thinking how + he would have helped her to the most delicate chicken-wings and + blancmanges, how he WOULD have made her take champagne. Under the noses of + indignant aunt and uncle, what glorious fun it would have been! + </p> + <p> + Out of place as Mr. Scully's present was, and though Lady Gorgon and her + party sneered at the vulgar notion of venison and turtle for supper, all + the world at Oldborough ate very greedily of those two substantial dishes; + and the Mayor's wife became from that day forth a mortal enemy of the + Gorgons: for, sitting near her Ladyship, who refused the proffered soup + and meat, the Mayoress thought herself obliged to follow this disagreeable + example. She sent away the plate of turtle with a sigh, saying, however, + to the baronet's lady, “I thought, mem, that the LORD MAYOR OF LONDON + always had turtle to his supper?” + </p> + <p> + “And what if he didn't, Biddy?” said his Honour the Mayor; “a good thing's + a good thing, and here goes!” wherewith he plunged his spoon into the + savoury mess. The Mayoress, as we have said, dared not; but she hated Lady + Gorgon, and remembered it at the next election. + </p> + <p> + The pride, in fact, and insolence of the Gorgon party rendered every + person in the room hostile to them; so soon as, gorged with meat, they + began to find that courage which Britons invariably derive from their + victuals. The show of the Gorgon plate seemed to offend the people. The + Gorgon champagne was a long time, too, in making its appearance. Arrive, + however, it did. The people were waiting for it; the young ladies, not + accustomed to that drink, declined pledging their admirers until it was + produced; the men, too, despised the bucellas and sherry, and were looking + continually towards the door. At last, Mr. Rincer, the landlord, Mr. Hock, + Sir George's butler, and sundry others entered the room. Bang! went the + corks—fizz the foamy liquor sparkled into all sorts of glasses that + were held out for its reception. Mr. Hock helped Sir George and his party, + who drank with great gusto; the wine which was administered to the persons + immediately around Mr. Scully was likewise pronounced to be good. But Mr. + Perkins, who had taken his seat among the humbler individuals, and in the + very middle of the table, observed that all these persons, after drinking, + made to each other very wry and ominous faces, and whispered much. He + tasted his wine: it was a villanous compound of sugar, vitriol, + soda-water, and green gooseberries. At this moment a great clatter of + forks was made by the president's and vice-president's party. Silence for + a toast—'twas silence all. + </p> + <p> + “Landlord,” said Mr. Perkins, starting up (the rogue, where did his + impudence come from?) “have you any champagne of YOUR OWN?” + </p> + <p> + “Silence! down!” roared the Tories, the ladies looking aghast. “Silence, + sit down you!” shrieked the well-known voice of the General. + </p> + <p> + “I beg your pardon, General,” said young John Perkins; “but where COULD + you have bought this champagne? My worthy friend I know is going to + propose the ladies; let us at any rate drink such a toast in good wine.” + (“Hear, hear!”) “Drink her Ladyship's health in THIS stuff? I declare to + goodness I would sooner drink it in beer!” + </p> + <p> + No pen can describe the uproar which arose: the anguish of the Gorgonites—the + shrieks, jeers, cheers, ironic cries of “Swipes!” etc., which proceeded + from the less genteel but more enthusiastic Scullyites. + </p> + <p> + “This vulgarity is too much,” said Lady Gorgon, rising; and Mrs. Mayoress + and the ladies of the party did so too. + </p> + <p> + The General, two squires, the clergyman, the Gorgon apothecary and + attorney, with their respective ladies, followed her: they were plainly + beaten from the field. Such of the Tories as dared remained, and in + inglorious compromise shared the jovial Whig feast. + </p> + <p> + “Gentlemen and ladies,” hiccupped Mr. Heeltap, “I'll give you a toast. + 'Champagne to our real—hic—friends,' no, 'Real champagne to + our friends,' and—hic—pooh! 'Champagne to our friends, and + real pain to our enemies,'—huzzay!” + </p> + <p> + The Scully faction on this day bore the victory away, and if the polite + reader has been shocked by certain vulgarities on the part of Mr. Scully + and his friends, he must remember imprimis that Oldborough was an + inconsiderable place—that the inhabitants thereof were chiefly + tradespeople, not of refined habits—that Mr. Scully himself had only + for three months mingled among the aristocracy—that his young friend + Perkins was violently angry—and finally, and to conclude, that the + proud vulgarity of the great Sir George Gorgon and his family was + infinitely more odious and contemptible than the mean vulgarity of the + Scullyites and their leader. + </p> + <p> + Immediately after this event, Mr. Scully and his young friend Perkins + returned to town; the latter to his garrets in Bedford Row—the + former to his apartments on the first floor of the same house. He lived + here to superintend his legal business: his London agents, Messrs. Higgs, + Biggs, and Blatherwick, occupying the ground floor; the junior partner, + Mr. Gustavus Blatherwick, the second flat of the house. Scully made no + secret of his profession or residence: he was an attorney, and proud of + it; he was the grandson of a labourer, and thanked God for it; he had made + his fortune by his own honest labour, and why should he be ashamed of it? + </p> + <p> + And now, having explained at full length who the several heroes and + heroines of this history were, and how they conducted themselves in the + country, let us describe their behaviour in London, and the great events + which occurred there. + </p> + <p> + You must know that Mr. Perkins bore away the tenderest recollections of + the young lady with whom he had danced at the Oldborough ball, and, having + taken particular care to find out where she dwelt when in the metropolis, + managed soon to become acquainted with Aunt Biggs, and made himself so + amiable to that lady, that she begged he would pass all his disengaged + evenings at her lodgings in Caroline Place. Mrs. Biggs was perfectly aware + that the young gentleman did not come for her bohea and muffins, so much + as for the sweeter conversation of her niece, Miss Gorgon; but seeing that + these two young people were of an age when ideas of love and marriage will + spring up, do what you will; seeing that her niece had a fortune, and Mr. + Perkins had the prospect of a place, and was moreover a very amiable and + well-disposed young fellow, she thought her niece could not do better than + marry him; and Miss Gorgon thought so too. Now the public will be able to + understand the meaning of that important conversation which is recorded at + the very commencement of this history. + </p> + <p> + Lady Gorgon and her family were likewise in town; but, when in the + metropolis, they never took notice of their relative, Miss Lucy: the idea + of acknowledging an ex-schoolmistress living in Mecklenburgh Square being + much too preposterous for a person of my Lady Gorgon's breeding and + fashion. She did not, therefore, know of the progress which sly Perkins + was making all this while; for Lucy Gorgon did not think it was at all + necessary to inform her Ladyship how deeply she was smitten by the wicked + young gentleman who had made all the disturbance at the Oldborough ball. + </p> + <p> + The intimacy of these young persons had, in fact, become so close, that on + a certain sunshiny Sunday in December, after having accompanied Aunt Biggs + to church, they had pursued their walk as far as that rendezvous of + lovers, the Regent's Park, and were talking of their coming marriage, with + much confidential tenderness, before the bears in the Zoological Gardens. + </p> + <p> + Miss Lucy was ever and anon feeding those interesting animals with buns, + to perform which act of charity she had clambered up on the parapet which + surrounds their den. Mr. Perkins was below; and Miss Lucy, having + distributed her buns, was on the point of following,—but whether + from timidity, or whether from a desire to do young Perkins an essential + service, I know not: however, she found herself quite unwilling to jump + down unaided. + </p> + <p> + “My dearest John,” said she, “I never can jump that.” + </p> + <p> + Whereupon John stepped up, put one hand round Lucy's waist; and as one of + hers gently fell upon his shoulder, Mr. Perkins took the other and said,— + </p> + <p> + “Now jump.” + </p> + <p> + Hoop! jump she did, and so excessively active and clever was Mr. John + Perkins, that he jumped Miss Lucy plump into the middle of a group formed + of— + </p> + <p> + Lady Gorgon; + </p> + <p> + The Misses Gorgon; + </p> + <p> + Master George Augustus Frederick Grimsby Gorgon; + </p> + <p> + And a footman, poodle, and French governess: who had all been for two or + three minutes listening to the billings and cooings of these imprudent + young lovers. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0002" id="link2HCH0002"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER II. + </h2> + <p> + SHOWS HOW THE PLOT BEGAN TO THICKEN IN OR ABOUT BEDFORD ROW. + </p> + <p> + “Miss Lucy!” + </p> + <p> + “Upon my word!” + </p> + <p> + “I'm hanged if it aren't Lucy! How do, Lucy?” uttered Lady, the Misses, + and Master Gorgon in a breath. + </p> + <p> + Lucy came forward, bending down her ambrosial curls, and blushing, as a + modest young woman should: for, in truth, the scrape was very awkward. And + as for John Perkins, he made a start, and then a step forwards, and then + two backwards, and then began laying hands upon his black satin stock—in + short, the sun did not shine at that moment upon a man who looked so + exquisitely foolish. + </p> + <p> + “Miss Lucy Gorgon, is your aunt—is Mrs. Briggs here?” said Lady + Gorgon, drawing herself up with much state. + </p> + <p> + “Mrs. Biggs, Aunt?” said Lucy demurely. + </p> + <p> + “Biggs or Briggs, madam, it is not of the slightest consequence. I presume + that persons in my rank of life are not expected to know everybody's name + in Magdeburg Square?” (Lady Gorgon had a house in Baker Street, and a + dismal house it was.) “NOT here,” continued she, rightly interpreting + Lucy's silence, “NOT here?—and may I ask how long is it that young + ladies have been allowed to walk abroad without chaperons, and to—to + take a part in such scenes as that which we have just seen acted?” + </p> + <p> + To this question—and indeed it was rather difficult to answer—Miss + Gorgon had no reply. There were the six grey eyes of her cousins glowering + at her; there was George Augustus Frederick examining her with an air of + extreme wonder, Mademoiselle the governess turning her looks demurely + away, and awful Lady Gorgon glancing fiercely at her in front. Not + mentioning the footman and poodle, what could a poor modest timid girl + plead before such an inquisition, especially when she was clearly guilty? + Add to this, that as Lady Gorgon, that majestic woman, always remarkable + for her size and insolence of demeanour, had planted herself in the middle + of the path, and spoke at the extreme pitch of her voice, many persons + walking in the neighbourhood had heard her Ladyship's speech and stopped, + and seemed disposed to await the rejoinder. + </p> + <p> + “For Heaven's sake, Aunt, don't draw a crowd around us,” said Lucy, who, + indeed, was glad of the only escape that lay in her power. “I will tell + you of the—of the circumstances of—of my engagement with this + gentleman—with Mr. Perkins,” added she, in a softer tone—so + soft that the 'ERKINS was quite inaudible. + </p> + <p> + “A Mr. What? An engagement without consulting your guardians!” screamed + her Ladyship. “This must be looked to! Jerningham, call round my carriage. + Mademoiselle, you will have the goodness to walk home with Master Gorgon, + and carry him, if you please, where there is wet; and, girls, as the day + is fine, you will do likewise. Jerningham, you will attend the young + ladies. Miss Gorgon, I will thank you to follow me immediately.” And so + saying, and looking at the crowd with ineffable scorn, and at Mr. Perkins + not at all, the lady bustled away forwards, the files of Gorgon daughters + and governess closing round and enveloping poor Lucy, who found herself + carried forward against her will, and in a minute seated in her aunt's + coach, along with that tremendous person. + </p> + <p> + Her case was bad enough, but what was it to Perkins's? Fancy his blank + surprise and rage at having his love thus suddenly ravished from him, and + his delicious tete-a-tete interrupted. He managed, in an inconceivably + short space of time, to conjure up half-a-million obstacles to his union. + What should he do? he would rush on to Baker Street, and wait there until + his Lucy left Lady Gorgon's house. + </p> + <p> + He could find no vehicle in the Regent's Park, and was in consequence + obliged to make his journey on foot. Of course, he nearly killed himself + with running, and ran so quick, that he was just in time to see the two + ladies step out of Lady Gorgon's carriage at her own house, and to hear + Jerningham's fellow-footman roar to the Gorgonian coachman, “Half-past + seven!” at which hour we are, to this day, convinced that Lady Gorgon was + going out to dine. Mr. Jerningham's associate having banged to the door, + with an insolent look towards Perkins, who was prying in with the most + suspicious and indecent curiosity, retired, exclaiming, “That chap has a + hi to our great-coats, I reckon!” and left John Perkins to pace the street + and be miserable. + </p> + <p> + John Perkins then walked resolutely up and down dismal Baker Street, + determined on an eclaircissement. He was for some time occupied in + thinking how it was that the Gorgons were not at church, they who made + such a parade of piety; and John Perkins smiled as he passed the chapel, + and saw that two CHARITY SERMONS were to be preached that day—and + therefore it was that General Gorgon read prayers to his family at home in + the morning. + </p> + <p> + Perkins, at last, saw that little General, in blue frock-coat and spotless + buff gloves, saunter scowling home; and half an hour before his arrival + had witnessed the entrance of Jerningham, and the three gaunt Miss + Gorgons, poodle, son-and-heir, and French governess, protected by him, + into Sir George's mansion. + </p> + <p> + “Can she be going to stay all night?” mused poor John, after being on the + watch for three hours: when presently, to his inexpressible delight, he + saw a very dirty hackney-coach clatter up to the Gorgon door, out of which + first issued the ruby plush breeches and stalwart calves of Mr. + Jerningham; these were followed by his body, and then the gentleman, + ringing modestly, was admitted. + </p> + <p> + Again the door opened: a lady came out, nor was she followed by the + footman, who crossed his legs at the door-post and allowed her to mount + the jingling vehicle as best she might. Mr. Jerningham had witnessed the + scene in the Park Gardens, had listened to the altercation through the + library keyhole, and had been mighty sulky at being ordered to call a + coach for this young woman. He did not therefore deign to assist her to + mount. + </p> + <p> + But there was ONE who did! Perkins was by the side of his Lucy: he had + seen her start back and cry, “La, John!”—had felt her squeeze his + arm—had mounted with her into the coach, and then shouted with a + voice of thunder to the coachman, “Caroline Place, Mecklenburgh Square.” + </p> + <p> + But Mr. Jerningham would have been much more surprised and puzzled if he + had waited one minute longer, and seen this Mr. Perkins, who had so + gallantly escaladed the hackney-coach, step out of it with the most + mortified, miserable, chap-fallen countenance possible. + </p> + <p> + The fact is, he had found poor Lucy sobbing fit to break her heart, and + instead of consoling her, as he expected, he only seemed to irritate her + further: for she said, “Mr. Perkins—I beg—I insist, that you + leave the carriage.” And when Perkins made some movement (which, not being + in the vehicle at the time, we have never been able to comprehend), she + suddenly sprang from the back-seat and began pulling at a large piece of + cord which communicated with the wrist of the gentleman driving; and, + screaming to him at the top of her voice, bade him immediately stop. + </p> + <p> + This Mr. Coachman did, with a curious, puzzled, grinning air. + </p> + <p> + Perkins descended, and on being asked, “Vere ham I to drive the young + 'oman, sir?” I am sorry to say muttered something like an oath, and + uttered the above-mentioned words, “Caroline Place, Mecklenburgh Square,” + in a tone which I should be inclined to describe as both dogged and + sheepish—very different from that cheery voice which he had used + when he first gave the order. + </p> + <p> + Poor Lucy, in the course of those fatal three hours which had passed while + Mr. Perkins was pacing up and down Baker Street, had received a lecture + which lasted exactly one hundred and eighty minutes—from her aunt + first, then from her uncle, whom we have seen marching homewards, and + often from both together. + </p> + <p> + Sir George Gorgon and his lady poured out such a flood of advice and abuse + against the poor girl, that she came away from the interview quite timid + and cowering; and when she saw John Perkins (the sly rogue! how well he + thought he had managed the trick!) she shrank from him as if he had been a + demon of wickedness, ordered him out of the carriage, and went home by + herself, convinced that she had committed some tremendous sin. + </p> + <p> + While, then, her coach jingled away to Caroline Place, Perkins, once more + alone, bent his steps in the same direction. A desperate, heart-stricken + man, he passed by the beloved's door, saw lights in the front + drawing-room, felt probably that she was there; but he could not go in. + Moodily he paced down Doughty Street, and turning abruptly into Bedford + Row, rushed into his own chambers, where Mrs. Snooks, the laundress, had + prepared his humble Sabbath meal. + </p> + <p> + A cheerful fire blazed in his garret, and Mrs. Snooks had prepared for him + the favourite blade-bone he loved (blest four-days' dinner for a bachelor—roast, + cold, hashed, grilled bladebone, the fourth being better than the first); + but although he usually did rejoice in this meal—ordinarily, indeed, + grumbling that there was not enough to satisfy him—he, on this + occasion, after two mouthfuls, flung down his knife and fork, and buried + his two claws in his hair. + </p> + <p> + “Snooks,” said he at last, very moodily, “remove this d—— + mutton, give me my writing things, and some hot brandy-and-water.” + </p> + <p> + This was done without much alarm: for you must know that Perkins used to + dabble in poetry, and ordinarily prepare himself for composition by this + kind of stimulus. + </p> + <p> + He wrote hastily a few lines. + </p> + <p> + “Snooks, put on your bonnet,” said he, “and carry this—YOU KNOW + WHERE!” he added, in a hollow, heart-breaking tone of voice, that affected + poor Snooks almost to tears. She went, however, with the note, which was + to this purpose:— + </p> + <p> + “Lucy! Lucy! my soul's love—what, what has happened? I am writing + this”—(a gulp of brandy-and-water)—“in a state bordering on + distraction—madness—insanity” (another). “Why did you send me + out of the coach in that cruel cruel way? Write to me a word, a line—tell + me, tell me, I may come to you—and leave me not in this agonising + condition; your faithful” (glog—glog—glog—the whole + glass)—“J.P.” + </p> + <p> + He never signed John Perkins in full—he couldn't, it was so + unromantic. + </p> + <p> + Well, this missive was despatched by Mrs. Snooks, and Perkins, in a + fearful state of excitement, haggard, wild, and with more + brandy-and-water, awaited the return of his messenger. + </p> + <p> + When at length, after about an absence of forty years, as it seemed to + him, the old lady returned with a large packet, Perkins seized it with a + trembling hand, and was yet more frightened to see the handwriting of Mrs. + or Miss Biggs. + </p> + <p> + “MY DEAR MR. PERKINS,” she began—“Although I am not your soul's + adored, I performed her part for once, since I have read your letter, as I + told her. You need not be very much alarmed, although Lucy is at this + moment in bed and unwell: for the poor girl has had a sad scene at her + grand uncle's house in Baker Street, and came home very much affected. + Rest, however, will restore her, for she is not one of your nervous sort; + and I hope when you come in the morning, you will see her as blooming as + she was when you went out to-day on that unlucky walk. + </p> + <p> + “See what Sir George Gorgon says of us all! You won't challenge him, I + know, as he is to be your uncle, and so I may show you his letter. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> +“Good-night, my dear John. Do not go QUITE distracted before morning; +and believe me your loving aunt, + “JEMIMA BIGGS.” + + “41 BAKER STREET: 11th December. +</pre> + <p> + “MAJOR-GENERAL SIR GEORGE GORGON has heard with the utmost disgust and + surprise of the engagement which Miss Lucy Gorgon has thought fit to form. + </p> + <p> + “The Major-General cannot conceal his indignation at the share which Miss + Biggs has taken in this disgraceful transaction. + </p> + <p> + “Sir George Gorgon puts an absolute veto upon all further communication + between his niece and the low-born adventurer who has been admitted into + her society, and begs to say that Lieutenant Fitch, of the Lifeguards, is + the gentleman who he intends shall marry Miss Gorgon. + </p> + <p> + “It is the Major-General's wish, that on the 28th Miss Gorgon should be + ready to come to his house, in Baker Street, where she will be more safe + from impertinent intrusions than she has been in Mucklebury Square. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “MRS. BIGGS, + “Caroline Place, + “Mecklenburgh Square.” + </pre> + <p> + When poor John Perkins read this epistle, blank rage and wonder filled his + soul, at the audacity of the little General, who thus, without the + smallest title in the world, pretended to dispose of the hand and fortune + of his niece. The fact is, that Sir George had such a transcendent notion + of his own dignity and station, that it never for a moment entered his + head that his niece, or anybody else connected with him, should take a + single step in life without previously receiving his orders; and Mr. + Fitch, a baronet's son, having expressed an admiration of Lucy, Sir George + had determined that his suit should be accepted, and really considered + Lucy's preference of another as downright treason. + </p> + <p> + John Perkins determined on the death of Fitch as the very least reparation + that should satisfy him; and vowed too that some of the General's blood + should be shed for the words which he had dared to utter. + </p> + <p> + We have said that William Pitt Scully, Esquire, M.P., occupied the first + floor of Mr. Perkins's house in Bedford Row: and the reader is further to + be informed that an immense friendship had sprung up between these two + gentlemen. The fact is, that poor John was very much flattered by Scully's + notice, and began in a very short time to fancy himself a political + personage; for he had made several of Scully's speeches, written more than + one letter from him to his constituents, and, in a word, acted as his + gratis clerk. At least a guinea a week did Mr. Perkins save to the pockets + of Mr. Scully, and with hearty good will too, for he adored the great + William Pitt, and believed every word that dropped from the pompous lips + of that gentleman. + </p> + <p> + Well, after having discussed Sir George Gorgon's letter, poor Perkins, in + the utmost fury of mind that his darling should be slandered so, feeling a + desire for fresh air, determined to descend to the garden and smoke a + cigar in that rural quiet spot. The night was very calm. The moonbeams + slept softly upon the herbage of Gray's Inn gardens, and bathed with + silver splendour Theobald's Row. A million of little frisky twinkling + stars attended their queen, who looked with bland round face upon their + gambols, as they peeped in and out from the azure heavens. Along Gray's + Inn wall a lazy row of cabs stood listlessly, for who would call a cab on + such a night? Meanwhile their drivers, at the alehouse near, smoked the + short pipe or quaffed the foaming beer. Perhaps from Gray's Inn Lane some + broken sounds of Irish revelry might rise. Issuing perhaps from Raymond + Buildings gate, six lawyers' clerks might whoop a tipsy song—or the + loud watchman yell the passing hour; but beyond this all was silence; and + young Perkins, as he sat in the summerhouse at the bottom of the garden, + and contemplated the peaceful heaven, felt some influences of it entering + into his soul, and almost forgetting revenge, thought but of peace and + love. + </p> + <p> + Presently, he was aware there was someone else pacing the garden. Who + could it be?—Not Blatherwick, for he passed the Sabbath with his + grandmamma at Clapham; not Scully surely, for he always went to Bethesda + Chapel, and to a select prayer-meeting afterwards. Alas! it WAS Scully; + for though that gentleman SAID that he went to chapel, we have it for a + fact that he did not always keep his promise, and was at this moment + employed in rehearsing an extempore speech, which he proposed to deliver + at St. Stephen's. + </p> + <p> + “Had I, sir,” spouted he, with folded arms, slowly pacing to and fro—“Had + I, sir, entertained the smallest possible intention of addressing the + House on the present occasion—hum, on the present occasion—I + would have endeavoured to prepare myself in a way that should have at + least shown my sense of the greatness of the subject before the House's + consideration, and the nature of the distinguished audience I have the + honour to address. I am, sir, a plain man—born of the people—myself + one of the people, having won, thank Heaven, an honourable fortune and + position by my own honest labour; and standing here as I do—” + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * * * +</pre> + <p> + Here Mr. Scully (it may be said that he never made a speech without + bragging about himself: and an excellent plan it is, for people cannot + help believing you at last)—here, I say, Mr. Scully, who had one arm + raised, felt himself suddenly tipped on the shoulder, and heard a voice + saying, “Your money or your life!” + </p> + <p> + The honourable gentleman twirled round as if he had been shot; the papers + on which a great part of this impromptu was written dropped from his + lifted hand, and some of them were actually borne on the air into + neighbouring gardens. The man was, in fact, in the direst fright. + </p> + <p> + “It's only I,” said Perkins, with rather a forced laugh, when he saw the + effect that his wit had produced. + </p> + <p> + “Only you! And pray what the dev—what right have you to—to + come upon a man of my rank in that way, and disturb me in the midst of + very important meditations?” asked Mr. Scully, beginning to grow fierce. + </p> + <p> + “I want your advice,” said Perkins, “on a matter of the very greatest + importance to me. You know my idea of marrying?” + </p> + <p> + “Marry!” said Scully; “I thought you had given up that silly scheme. And + how, pray, do you intend to live?” + </p> + <p> + “Why, my intended has a couple of hundreds a year, and my clerkship in the + Tape and Sealing-Wax Office will be as much more.” + </p> + <p> + “Clerkship—Tape and Sealing-Wax Office—Government sinecure!—Why, + good heavens! John Perkins, you don't tell ME that you are going to accept + any such thing?” + </p> + <p> + “It is a very small salary, certainly,” said John, who had a decent notion + of his own merits; “but consider, six months vacation, two hours in the + day, and those spent over the newspapers. After all, it's—” + </p> + <p> + “After all it's a swindle,” roared out Mr. Scully—“a swindle upon + the country; an infamous tax upon the people, who starve that you may + fatten in idleness. But take this clerkship in the Tape and Sealing-Wax + Office,” continued the patriot, his bosom heaving with noble indignation, + and his eye flashing the purest fire,—“TAKE this clerkship, John + Perkins, and sanction tyranny, by becoming one of its agents; sanction + dishonesty by sharing in its plunder—do this, BUT never more be + friend of mine. Had I a child,” said the patriot, clasping his hands and + raising his eyes to heaven, “I would rather see him dead, sir—dead, + dead at my feet, than the servant of a Government which all honest men + despise.” And here, giving a searching glance at Perkins, Mr. Scully began + tramping up and down the garden in a perfect fury. + </p> + <p> + “Good heavens!” exclaimed the timid John Perkins—“don't say SO. My + dear Mr. Scully, I'm not the dishonest character you suppose me to be—I + never looked at the matter in this light. I'll—I'll consider of it. + I'll tell Crampton that I will give up the place; but for Heaven's sake, + don't let me forfeit YOUR friendship, which is dearer to me than any place + in the world.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Scully pressed his hand, and said nothing; and though their interview + lasted a full half-hour longer, during which they paced up and down the + gravel walk, we shall not breathe a single syllable of their conversation, + as it has nothing to do with our tale. + </p> + <p> + The next morning, after an interview with Miss Lucy, John Perkins, + Esquire, was seen to issue from Mrs. Biggs's house, looking particularly + pale, melancholy, and thoughtful; and he did not stop until he reached a + certain door in Downing Street, where was the office of a certain great + Minister, and the offices of the clerks in his Lordship's department. + </p> + <p> + The head of them was Mr. Josiah Crampton, who has now to be introduced to + the public. He was a little old gentleman, some sixty years of age, + maternal uncle to John Perkins; a bachelor, who had been about forty-two + years employed in the department of which he was now the head. + </p> + <p> + After waiting four hours in an ante-room, where a number of Irishmen, some + newspaper editors, many pompous-looking political personages asking for + the “first lord,” a few sauntering clerks, and numbers of swift active + messengers passed to and fro;—after waiting for four hours, making + drawings on the blotting-book, and reading the Morning Post for that day + week, Mr. Perkins was informed that he might go into his uncle's room, and + did so accordingly. + </p> + <p> + He found a little hard old gentleman seated at a table covered with every + variety of sealing-wax, blotting-paper, envelopes, despatch-boxes, green + tapers, etc. etc. An immense fire was blazing in the grate, an immense + sheet-almanack hung over that, a screen, three or four chairs, and a faded + Turkey carpet, formed the rest of the furniture of this remarkable room—which + I have described thus particularly, because in the course of a long + official life, I have remarked that such is the invariable decoration of + political rooms. + </p> + <p> + “Well, John,” said the little hard old gentleman, pointing to an + arm-chair, “I'm told you've been here since eleven. Why the deuce do you + come so early?” + </p> + <p> + “I had important business,” answered Mr. Perkins, stoutly; and as his + uncle looked up with a comical expression of wonder, John began in a + solemn tone to deliver a little speech which he had composed, and which + proved him to be a very worthy, easy, silly fellow. + </p> + <p> + “Sir,” said Mr. Perkins, “you have known for some time past the nature of + my political opinions, and the intimacy which I have had the honour to + form with one—with some of the leading members of the Liberal + party.” (A grin from Mr. Crampton.) “When first, by your kindness, I was + promised the clerkship in the Tape and Sealing-Wax Office, my opinions + were not formed as they are now; and having taken the advice of the + gentlemen with whom I act,”—(an enormous grin)—“the advice, I + say, of the gentlemen with whom I act, and the counsel likewise of my own + conscience, I am compelled, with the deepest grief, to say, my dear uncle, + that I—I—” + </p> + <p> + “That you—what, sir?” exclaimed little Mr. Crampton, bouncing off + his chair. “You don't mean to say that you are such a fool as to decline + the place?” + </p> + <p> + “I do decline the place,” said Perkins, whose blood rose at the word + “fool.” “As a man of honour, I cannot take it.” + </p> + <p> + “Not take it! and how are you to live? On the rent of that house of yours? + For, by gad, sir, if you give up the clerkship, I never will give you a + shilling.” + </p> + <p> + “It cannot be helped,” said Mr. Perkins, looking as much like a martyr as + he possibly could, and thinking himself a very fine fellow. “I have + talents, sir, which I hope to cultivate; and am member of a profession by + which a man may hope to rise to the very highest offices of the State.” + </p> + <p> + “Profession, talents, offices of the State! Are you mad, John Perkins, + that you come to me with such insufferable twaddle as this? Why, do you + think if you HAD been capable of rising at the bar, I would have taken so + much trouble about getting you a place? No, sir; you are too fond of + pleasure, and bed, and tea-parties, and small-talk, and reading novels, + and playing the flute, and writing sonnets. You would no more rise at the + bar than my messenger, sir. It was because I knew your disposition—that + hopeless, careless, irresolute good-humour of yours—that I had + determined to keep you out of danger, by placing you in a snug shelter, + where the storms of the world would not come near you. You must have + principles forsooth! and you must marry Miss Gorgon, of course: and by the + time you have gone ten circuits, and had six children, you will have eaten + up every shilling of your wife's fortune, and be as briefless as you are + now. Who the deuce has put all this nonsense into your head? I think I + know.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Perkins's ears tingled as these hard words saluted them; and he + scarcely knew whether he ought to knock his uncle down, or fall at his + feet and say, “Uncle, I have been a fool, and I know it.” The fact is, + that in his interview with Miss Gorgon and her aunt in the morning, when + he came to tell them of the resolution he had formed to give up the place, + both the ladies and John himself had agreed, with a thousand rapturous + tears and exclamations, that he was one of the noblest young men that ever + lived, had acted as became himself, and might with perfect propriety give + up the place, his talents being so prodigious that no power on earth could + hinder him from being Lord Chancellor. Indeed, John and Lucy had always + thought the clerkship quite beneath him, and were not a little glad, + perhaps, at finding a pretext for decently refusing it. But as Perkins was + a young gentleman whose candour was such that he was always swayed by the + opinions of the last speaker, he did begin to feel now the truth of his + uncle's statements, however disagreeable they might be. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Crampton continued:— + </p> + <p> + “I think I know the cause of your patriotism. Has not William Pitt Scully, + Esquire, had something to do with it?” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Perkins COULD not turn any redder than he was, but confessed with deep + humiliation that “he HAD consulted Mr. Scully among other friends.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Crampton smiled—drew a letter from a heap before him, and + tearing off the signature, handed over the document to his nephew. It + contained the following paragraphs:— + </p> + <p> + “Hawksby has sounded Scully: we can have him any day we want him. He talks + very big at present, and says he would not take anything under a... This + is absurd. He has a Yorkshire nephew coming up to town, and wants a place + for him. There is one vacant in the Tape Office, he says: have you not a + promise of it?” + </p> + <p> + “I can't—I can't believe it,” said John; “this, sir, is some weak + invention of the enemy. Scully is the most honourable man breathing.” + </p> + <p> + “Mr. Scully is a gentleman in a very fair way to make a fortune,” answered + Mr. Crampton. “Look you, John—it is just as well for your sake that + I should give you the news a few weeks before the papers, for I don't want + you to be ruined, if I can help it, as I don't wish to have you on my + hands. We know all the particulars of Scully's history. He was a Tory + attorney at Oldborough; he was jilted by the present Lady Gorgon, turned + Radical, and fought Sir George in his own borough. Sir George would have + had the peerage he is dying for, had he not lost that second seat + (by-the-by, my Lady will be here in five minutes), and Scully is now quite + firm there. Well, my dear lad, we have bought your incorruptible Scully. + Look here,”—and Mr. Crampton produced three Morning Posts. + </p> + <p> + “'THE HONOURABLE HENRY HAWKSBY'S DINNER-PARTY.—Lord So-and-So—Duke + of So-and-So—W. Pitt Scully, Esq. M.P.' + </p> + <p> + “Hawksby is our neutral, our dinner-giver. + </p> + <p> + “'LADY DIANA DOLDRUM'S ROUT.—W. Pitt Scully, Esq,' again. + </p> + <p> + “'THE EARL OF MANTRAP'S GRAND DINNER.'—A Duke—four Lords—'Mr. + Scully, and Sir George Gorgon.'” + </p> + <p> + “Well, but I don't see how you have bought him; look at his votes.” + </p> + <p> + “My dear John,” said Mr. Crampton, jingling his watch-seals very + complacently, “I am letting you into fearful secrets. The great common end + of party is to buy your opponents—the great statesman buys them for + nothing.” + </p> + <p> + Here the attendant genius of Mr. Crampton made his appearance, and + whispered something, to which the little gentleman said, “Show her + Ladyship in,”—when the attendant disappeared. + </p> + <p> + “John,” said Mr. Crampton, with a very queer smile, “you can't stay in + this room while Lady Gorgon is with me; but there is a little clerk's room + behind the screen there, where you can wait until I call you.” + </p> + <p> + John retired, and as he closed the door of communication, strange to say, + little Mr. Crampton sprang up and said, “Confound the young ninny, he has + shut the door!” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Crampton then, remembering that he wanted a map in the next room, + sprang into it, left the door half open in coming out, and was in time to + receive Her Ladyship with smiling face as she, ushered by Mr. + Strongitharm, majestically sailed in. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0003" id="link2HCH0003"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER III. + </h2> + <p> + BEHIND THE SCENES. + </p> + <p> + In issuing from and leaving open the door of the inner room, Mr. Crampton + had bestowed upon Mr. Perkins a look so peculiarly arch, that even he, + simple as he was, began to imagine that some mystery was about to be + cleared up, or some mighty matter to be discussed. Presently he heard the + well-known voice of Lady Gorgon in conversation with his uncle. What could + their talk be about? Mr. Perkins was dying to know, and—shall we say + it?—advanced to the door on tiptoe and listened with all his might. + </p> + <p> + Her Ladyship, that Juno of a woman, if she had not borrowed Venus's girdle + to render herself irresistible, at least had adopted a tender, coaxing, + wheedling, frisky tone, quite different from her ordinary dignified style + of conversation. She called Mr. Crampton a naughty man, for neglecting his + old friends, vowed that Sir George was quite hurt at his not coming to + dine—nor fixing a day when he would come—and added, with a + most engaging ogle, that she had three fine girls at home, who would + perhaps make an evening pass pleasantly, even to such a gay bachelor as + Mr. Crampton. + </p> + <p> + “Madam,” said he, with much gravity, “the daughters of such a mother must + be charming; but I, who have seen your Ladyship, am, alas! proof against + even them.” + </p> + <p> + Both parties here heaved tremendous sighs and affected to be wonderfully + unhappy about something. + </p> + <p> + “I wish,” after a pause, said Lady Gorgon—“I wish, dear Mr. + Crampton, you would not use that odious title 'my Ladyship:' you know it + always makes me melancholy.” + </p> + <p> + “Melancholy, my dear Lady Gorgon; and why?” + </p> + <p> + “Because it makes me think of another title that ought to have been mine—ours + (I speak for dear Sir George's and my darling boy's sake, Heaven knows, + not mine). What a sad disappointment it has been to my husband, that after + all his services, all the promises he has had, they have never given him + his peerage. As for me, you know—” + </p> + <p> + “For you, my dear madam, I know quite well that you care for no such + bauble as a coronet, except in so far as it may confer honour upon those + most dear to you—excellent wife and noble mother as you are. Heigho! + what a happy man is Sir George!” + </p> + <p> + Here there was another pause, and if Mr. Perkins could have seen what was + taking place behind the screen, he would have beheld little Mr. Crampton + looking into Lady Gorgon's face, with as love-sick a Romeo-gaze as he + could possibly counterfeit; while her Ladyship, blushing somewhat and + turning her own grey gogglers up to heaven, received all his words for + gospel, and sat fancying herself to be the best, most meritorious, and + most beautiful creature in the three kingdoms. + </p> + <p> + “You men are terrible flatterers,” continued she; “but you say right: for + myself I value not these empty distinctions. I am growing old, Mr. + Crampton,—yes, indeed, I am, although you smile so incredulously,—and + let me add, that MY thoughts are fixed upon HIGHER things than earthly + crowns. But tell me, you who are all in all with Lord Bagwig, are we never + to have our peerage? His Majesty, I know, is not averse; the services of + dear Sir George to a member of His Majesty's august family, I know, have + been appreciated in the highest quarter. Ever since the peace we have had + a promise. Four hundred pounds has Sir George spent at the Heralds' Office + (I myself am of one of the most ancient families in the kingdom, Mr. + Crampton), and the poor dear man's health is really ruined by the anxious + sickening feeling of hope so long delayed.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Crampton now assumed an air of much solemnity. + </p> + <p> + “My dear Lady Gorgon,” said he, “will you let me be frank with you, and + will you promise solemnly that what I am going to tell you shall never be + repeated to a single soul?” + </p> + <p> + Lady Gorgon promised. + </p> + <p> + “Well, then, since the truth you must know, you yourselves have been in + part the cause of the delay of which you complain. You gave us two votes + five years ago; you now only give us one. If Sir George were to go up to + the Peers, we should lose even that one vote; and would it be common sense + in us to incur such a loss? Mr. Scully, the Liberal, would return another + Member of his own way of thinking; and as for the Lords, we have, you + know, a majority there.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, that horrid man!” said Lady Gorgon, cursing Mr. Scully in her heart, + and beginning to play a rapid tattoo with her feet, “that miscreant, that + traitor, that—that attorney has been our ruin.” + </p> + <p> + “Horrid man, if you please, but give me leave to tell you that the horrid + man is not the sole cause of your ruin—if ruin you will call it. I + am sorry to say that I do candidly think Ministers believe that Sir George + Gorgon has lost his influence in Oldborough as much through his own fault + as through Mr. Scully's cleverness.” + </p> + <p> + “Our own fault! Good heavens! Have we not done everything—everything + that persons of our station in the county could do, to keep those + misguided men? Have we not remonstrated, threatened, taken away our custom + from the Mayor, established a Conservative apothecary—in fact, done + all that gentlemen could do? But these are such times, Mr. Crampton: the + spirit of revolution is abroad, and the great families of England are + menaced by democratic insolence.” + </p> + <p> + This was Sir George Gorgon's speech always after dinner, and was delivered + by his lady with a great deal of stateliness. Somewhat, perhaps, to her + annoyance, Mr. Crampton only smiled, shook his head, and said— + </p> + <p> + “Nonsense, my dear Lady Gorgon—pardon the phrase, but I am a plain + old man, and call things by their names. Now, will you let me whisper in + your ear one word of truth? You have tried all sorts of remonstrances, and + exerted yourself to maintain your influence in every way, except the right + one, and that is—” + </p> + <p> + “What, in Heaven's name?” + </p> + <p> + “Conciliation. We know your situation in the borough. Mr. Scully's whole + history, and, pardon me for saying so (but we men in office know + everything), yours—” + </p> + <p> + Lady Gorgon's ears and cheeks now assumed the hottest hue of crimson. She + thought of her former passages with Scully, and of the days when—but + never mind when: for she suffered her veil to fall, and buried her head in + the folds of her handkerchief. Vain folds! The wily little Mr. Crampton + could see all that passed behind the cambric, and continued— + </p> + <p> + “Yes, madam, we know the absurd hopes that were formed by a certain + attorney twenty years since. We know how, up to this moment, he boasts of + certain walks—” + </p> + <p> + “With the governess—we were always with the governess!” shrieked out + Lady Gorgon, clasping her hands. “She was not the wisest of women.” + </p> + <p> + “With the governess, of course,” said Mr. Crampton, firmly. “Do you + suppose that any man dare breathe a syllable against your spotless + reputation? Never, my dear madam; but what I would urge is this—you + have treated your disappointed admirer too cruelly.” + </p> + <p> + “What! the traitor who has robbed us of our rights?” + </p> + <p> + “He never would have robbed you of your rights if you had been more kind + to him. You should be gentle, madam; you should forgive him—you + should be friends with him.” + </p> + <p> + “With a traitor, never!” + </p> + <p> + “Think what made him a traitor, Lady Gorgon; look in your glass, and say + if there be not some excuse for him? Think of the feelings of the man who + saw beauty such as yours—I am a plain man and must speak—virtue + such as yours, in the possession of a rival. By heavens, madam, I think he + was RIGHT to hate Sir George Gorgon! Would you have him allow such a prize + to be ravished from him without a pang on his part?” + </p> + <p> + “He was, I believe, very much attached to me,” said Lady Gorgon, quite + delighted; “but you must be aware that a young man of his station in life + could not look up to a person of my rank.” + </p> + <p> + “Surely not: it was monstrous pride and arrogance in Mr. Scully. But que + voulez-vous? Such is the world's way. Scully could not help loving you—who + that knows you can? I am a plain man, and say what I think. He loves you + still. Why make an enemy of him, who would at a word be at your feet? + Dearest Lady Gorgon, listen to me. Sir George Gorgon and Mr. Scully have + already met—their meeting was our contrivance. It is for our + interest, for yours, that they should be friends. If there were two + Ministerial Members for Oldborough, do you think your husband's peerage + would be less secure? I am not at liberty to tell you all I know on this + subject; but do, I entreat you, be reconciled to him.” + </p> + <p> + And after a little more conversation, which was carried on by Mr. Crampton + in the same tender way, this important interview closed, and Lady Gorgon, + folding her shawl round her, threaded certain mysterious passages and + found her way to her carriage in Whitehall. + </p> + <p> + “I hope you have not been listening, you rogue?” said Mr. Crampton to his + nephew, who blushed most absurdly by way of answer. “You would have heard + great State secrets, if you had dared to do so. That woman is perpetually + here, and if peerages are to be had for the asking, she ought to have been + a duchess by this time. I would not have admitted her but for a reason + that I have. Go you now and ponder upon what you have heard and seen. Be + on good terms with Scully, and, above all, speak not a word concerning our + interview—no, not a word even to your mistress. By the way, I + presume, sir, you will recall your resignation?” + </p> + <p> + The bewildered Perkins was about to stammer out a speech, when his uncle, + cutting it short, pushed him gently out of the door. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * * * +</pre> + <p> + At the period when the important events occurred which have been recorded + here, parties ran very high, and a mighty struggle for the vacant + Speakership was about to come on. The Right Honourable Robert Pincher was + the Ministerial candidate, and Sir Charles Macabaw was patronised by the + Opposition. The two Members for Oldborough of course took different sides, + the baronet being of the Pincher faction, while Mr. William Pitt Scully + strongly supported the Macabaw party. + </p> + <p> + It was Mr. Scully's intention to deliver an impromptu speech upon the + occasion of the election, and he and his faithful Perkins prepared it + between them: for the latter gentleman had wisely kept his uncle's counsel + and his own and Mr. Scully was quite ignorant of the conspiracy that was + brooding. Indeed, so artfully had that young Machiavel of a Perkins + conducted himself, that when asked by his patron whether he had given up + his place in the Tape and Sealing Wax Office, he replied that “he HAD + tendered his resignation,” but did not say one word about having recalled + it. + </p> + <p> + “You were right, my boy, quite right,” said Mr. Scully. “A man of + uncompromising principles should make no compromise.” And herewith he sat + down and wrote off a couple of letters, one to Mr. Hawksby, telling him + that the place in the Sealing-Wax Office was, as he had reason to know, + vacant; and the other to his nephew, stating that it was to be his. “Under + the rose, my dear Bob,” added Mr. Scully, “it will cost you five hundred + pounds; but you cannot invest your money better.” + </p> + <p> + It is needless to state that the affair was to be conducted “with the + strictest secresy and honour,” and that the money was to pass through Mr. + Scully's hands. + </p> + <p> + While, however, the great Pincher and Macabaw question was yet undecided, + an event occurred to Mr. Scully, which had a great influence upon his + after-life. A second grand banquet was given at the Earl of Mantrap's: + Lady Mantrap requested him to conduct Lady Gorgon to dinner; and the + latter, with a charming timidity, and a gracious melancholy look into his + face (after which her veined eyelids veiled her azure eyes), put her hand + into the trembling one of Mr. Scully and said as much as looks could say, + “Forgive and forget.” + </p> + <p> + Down went Scully to dinner. There were dukes on his right hand and earls + on his left; there were but two persons without title in the midst of that + glittering assemblage; the very servants looked like noblemen. The cook + had done wonders; the wines were cool and rich, and Lady Gorgon was + splendid! What attention did everybody pay to her and to him! Why WOULD + she go on gazing into his face with that tender imploring look? In other + words, Scully, after partaking of soup and fish (he, during their + discussion, had been thinking over all the former love-and-hate passages + between himself and Lady Gorgon), turned very red, and began talking to + her. + </p> + <p> + “Were you not at the opera on Tuesday?” began he, assuming at once the + airs of a man of fashion. “I thought I caught a glimpse of you in the + Duchess of Diddlebury's box.” + </p> + <p> + “Opera, Mr. Scully?” (pronouncing the word “Scully” with the utmost + softness). “Ah, no! we seldom go, and yet too often. For serious persons + the enchantments of that place are too dangerous. I am so nervous—so + delicate; the smallest trifle so agitates, depresses, or irritates me, + that I dare not yield myself up to the excitement of music. I am too + passionately attached to it; and, shall I tell you? it has such a strange + influence upon me, that the smallest false note almost drives me to + distraction, and for that very reason I hardly ever go to a concert or a + ball.” + </p> + <p> + “Egad,” thought Scully, “I recollect when she would dance down a matter of + five-and-forty couple, and jingle away at the 'Battle of Prague' all day.” + </p> + <p> + She continued: “Don't you recollect, I do, with—oh, what regret!—that + day at Oldborough race-ball, when I behaved with such sad rudeness to you? + You will scarcely believe me, and yet I assure you 'tis the fact, the + music had made me almost mad. Do let me ask your pardon for my conduct. I + was not myself. Oh, Mr. Scully! I am no worldly woman; I know my duties, + and I feel my wrongs. Nights and days have I lain awake weeping and + thinking of that unhappy day—that I should ever speak so to an old + friend; for we WERE old friends, were we not?” + </p> + <p> + Scully did not speak; but his eyes were bursting out of his head, and his + face was the exact colour of a deputy-lieutenant's uniform. + </p> + <p> + “That I should ever forget myself and you so! How I have been longing for + this opportunity to ask you to forgive me! I asked Lady Mantrap, when I + heard you were to be here, to invite me to her party. Come, I know you + will forgive me—your eyes say you will. You used to look so in old + days, and forgive me my caprices THEN. Do give me a little wine—we + will drink to the memory of old days.” + </p> + <p> + Her eyes filled with tears; and poor Scully's hand caused such a rattling + and trembling of the glass and the decanter that the Duke of Doldrum—who + had been, during the course of this whispered sentimentality, describing a + famous run with the Queen's hounds at the top of his voice—stopped + at the jingling of the glass, and his tale was lost for ever. Scully + hastily drank his wine, and Lady Gorgon turned round to her next + neighbour, a little gentleman in black, between whom and herself certain + conscious looks passed. + </p> + <p> + “I am glad poor Sir George is not here,” said he, smiling. + </p> + <p> + Lady Gorgon said, “Pooh, for shame!” The little gentleman was no other + than Josiah Crampton, Esquire, that eminent financier, and he was now + going through the curious calculation before mentioned, by which you BUY A + MAN FOR NOTHING. He intended to pay the very same price for Sir George + Gorgon, too; but there was no need to tell the baronet so; only of this + the reader must be made aware. + </p> + <p> + While Mr. Crampton was conducting this intrigue, which was to bring a new + recruit to the Ministerial ranks, his mighty spirit condescended to ponder + upon subjects of infinitely less importance, and to arrange plans for the + welfare of his nephew and the young woman to whom he had made a present of + his heart. These young persons, as we said before, had arranged to live in + Mr. Perkins's own house in Bedford Row. It was of a peculiar construction, + and might more properly be called a house and a half: for a snug little + tenement of four chambers protruded from the back of the house into the + garden. These rooms communicated with the drawing-rooms occupied by Mr. + Scully; and Perkins, who acted as his friend and secretary, used + frequently to sit in the one nearest the Member's study, in order that he + might be close at hand to confer with that great man. The rooms had a + private entrance too, were newly decorated, and in them the young couple + proposed to live; the kitchen and garrets being theirs likewise. What more + could they need? We are obliged to be particular in describing these + apartments, for extraordinary events occurred therein. + </p> + <p> + To say the truth, until the present period Mr. Crampton had taken no great + interest in his nephew's marriage, or, indeed, in the young man himself. + The old gentleman was of a saturnine turn, and inclined to undervalue the + qualities of Mr. Perkins, which were idleness, simplicity, enthusiasm, and + easy good-nature. + </p> + <p> + “Such fellows never do anything in the world,” he would say, and for such + he had accordingly the most profound contempt. But when, after John + Perkins's repeated entreaties, he had been induced to make the + acquaintance of Miss Gorgon, he became instantly charmed with her, and + warmly espoused her cause against her overbearing relations. + </p> + <p> + At his suggestion she wrote back to decline Sir George Gorgon's peremptory + invitation, and hinted at the same time that she had attained an age and a + position which enabled her to be the mistress of her own actions. To this + letter there came an answer from Lady Gorgon which we shall not copy, but + which simply stated that Miss Lucy Gorgon's conduct was unchristian, + ungrateful, unladylike, and immodest; that the Gorgon family disowned her + for the future, and left her at liberty to form whatever base connections + she pleased. + </p> + <p> + “A pretty world this,” said Mr. Crampton, in a great rage, when the letter + was shown to him. “This same fellow, Scully, dissuades my nephew from + taking a place, because Scully wants it for himself. This prude of a Lady + Gorgon cries out shame, and disowns an innocent amiable girl: she a + heartless jilt herself once, and a heartless flirt now. The Pharisees, the + Pharisees! And to call mine a base family, too!” + </p> + <p> + Now, Lady Gorgon did not in the least know Mr. Crampton's connection with + Mr. Perkins, or she would have been much more guarded in her language; but + whether she knew it or not, the old gentleman felt a huge indignation, and + determined to have his revenge. + </p> + <p> + “That's right, Uncle! SHALL I call Gorgon out?” said the impetuous young + Perkins, who was all for blood. + </p> + <p> + “John, you are a fool,” said his uncle. “You shall have a better revenge: + you shall be married from Sir George Gorgon's house, and you shall see Mr. + William Pitt Scully sold for nothing.” This to the veteran diplomatist + seemed to be the highest triumph which man could possibly enjoy. + </p> + <p> + It was very soon to take place: and, as has been the case ever since the + world began, woman, lovely woman was to be the cause of Scully's fall. The + tender scene at Lord Mantrap's was followed by many others equally + sentimental. Sir George Gorgon called upon his colleague the very next + day, and brought with him a card from Lady Gorgon inviting Mr. Scully to + dinner. The attorney eagerly accepted the invitation, was received in + Baker Street by the whole amiable family with much respectful cordiality, + and was pressed to repeat his visits as country neighbours should. More + than once did he call, and somehow always at the hour when Sir George was + away at his club, or riding in the Park, or elsewhere engaged. Sir George + Gorgon was very old, very feeble, very much shattered in constitution. + Lady Gorgon used to impart her fears to Mr. Scully every time he called + there, and the sympathising attorney used to console her as best he might. + Sir George's country agent neglected the property—his lady consulted + Mr. Scully concerning it. He knew to a fraction how large her jointure + was; how she was to have Gorgon Castle for her life; and how, in the event + of the young baronet's death (he, too, was a sickly poor boy), the chief + part of the estates, bought by her money, would be at her absolute + disposal. + </p> + <p> + “What a pity these odious politics prevent me from having you for our + agent,” would Lady Gorgon say; and indeed Scully thought it was a pity + too. Ambitious Scully! what wild notions filled his brain. He used to take + leave of Lady Gorgon and ruminate upon these things; and when he was gone, + Sir George and her Ladyship used to laugh. + </p> + <p> + “If we can but commit him—if we can but make him vote for Pincher,” + said the General, “my peerage is secure. Hawksby and Crampton as good as + told me so.” + </p> + <p> + The point had been urged upon Mr. Scully repeatedly and adroitly. “Is not + Pincher a more experienced man than Macabaw?” would Sir George say to his + guest over their wine. Scully allowed it. “Can't you vote for him on + personal grounds, and say so in the House?” Scully wished he could—how + he wished he could! Every time the General coughed, Scully saw his + friend's desperate situation more and more, and thought how pleasant it + would be to be lord of Gorgon Castle. “Knowing my property,” cried Sir + George, “as you do, and with your talents and integrity, what a comfort it + would be could I leave you as guardian to my boy! But these cursed + politics prevent it, my dear fellow. Why WILL you be a Radical?” And + Scully cursed politics too. “Hang the low-bred rogue,” added Sir George, + when William Pitt Scully left the house: “he will do everything but + promise.” + </p> + <p> + “My dear General,” said Lady Gorgon, sidling up to him and patting him on + his old yellow cheek—“My dear Georgy, tell me one thing,—are + you jealous?” + </p> + <p> + “Jealous, my dear! and jealous of THAT fellow—pshaw!” + </p> + <p> + “Well, then, give me leave, and you shall have the promise to-morrow.” + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * * * +</pre> + <p> + To-morrow arrived. It was a remarkably fine day, and in the forenoon Mr. + Perkins gave his accustomed knock at Scully's study, which was only + separated from his own sitting-room by a double door. John had wisely + followed his uncle's advice, and was on the best terms with the honourable + Member. + </p> + <p> + “Here are a few sentences,” said he, “which I think may suit your purpose. + Great public services—undeniable merit—years of integrity—cause + of reform, and Macabaw for ever!” He put down the paper. It was, in fact, + a speech in favour of Mr. Macabaw. + </p> + <p> + “Hush,” said Scully, rather surlily; for he was thinking how disagreeable + it was to support Macabaw; and besides, there were clerks in the room, + whom the thoughtless Perkins had not at first perceived. As soon as that + gentleman saw them, “You are busy, I see,” continued he in a lower tone. + “I came to say that I must be off duty to-day, for I am engaged to take a + walk with some ladies of my acquaintance.” + </p> + <p> + So saying, the light-hearted young man placed his hat unceremoniously on + his head, and went off through his own door, humming a song. He was in + such high spirits that he did not even think of closing the doors of + communication, and Scully looked after him with a sneer. + </p> + <p> + “Ladies, forsooth,” thought he; “I know who they are. This precious girl + that he is fooling with, for one, I suppose.” He was right: Perkins was + off on the wings of love, to see Miss Lucy; and she and Aunt Biggs and + Uncle Crampton had promised this very day to come and look at the + apartments which Mrs. John Perkins was to occupy with her happy husband. + </p> + <p> + “Poor devil,” so continued Mr. Scully's meditations, “it is almost too bad + to do him out of his place; but my Bob wants it, and John's girl has, I + hear, seven thousand pounds. His uncle will get him another place before + all that money is spent.” And herewith Mr. Scully began conning the speech + which Perkins had made for him. + </p> + <p> + He had not read it more than six times,—in truth, he was getting it + by heart,—when his head clerk came to him from the front room, + bearing a card: a footman had brought it, who said his lady was waiting + below. Lady Gorgon's name was on the card! To seize his hat and rush + downstairs was, with Mr. Scully, the work of an infinitesimal portion of + time. + </p> + <p> + It was indeed Lady Gorgon in her Gorgonian chariot. + </p> + <p> + “Mr. Scully,” said she, popping her head out of window and smiling in a + most engaging way, “I want to speak to you, on something very particular + INDEED”—and she held him out her hand. Scully pressed it most + tenderly: he hoped all heads in Bedford Row were at the windows to see + him. “I can't ask you into the carriage, for you see the governess is with + me, and I want to talk secrets to you.” + </p> + <p> + “Shall I go and make a little promenade?” said mademoiselle, innocently. + And her mistress hated her for that speech. + </p> + <p> + “No. Mr. Scully, I am sure, will let me come in for five minutes?” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Scully was only too happy. My Lady descended and walked upstairs, + leaning on the happy solicitor's arm. But how should he manage? The front + room was consecrated to clerks; there were clerks too, as ill-luck would + have it, in his private room. “Perkins is out for the day,” thought + Scully; “I will take her into his room.” And into Perkins's room he took + her—ay, and he shut the double doors after him too, and trembled as + he thought of his own happiness. + </p> + <p> + “What a charming little study,” said Lady Gorgon, seating herself. And + indeed it was very pretty: for Perkins had furnished it beautifully, and + laid out a neat tray with cakes, a cold fowl, and sherry, to entertain his + party withal. “And do you bachelors always live so well?” continued she, + pointing to the little cold collation. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Scully looked rather blank when he saw it, and a dreadful suspicion + crossed his soul; but there was no need to trouble Lady Gorgon with + explanations: therefore, at once, and with much presence of mind, he asked + her to partake of his bachelor's fare (she would refuse Mr. Scully nothing + that day). A pretty sight would it have been for young Perkins to see + strangers so unceremoniously devouring his feast. She drank—Mr. + Scully drank—and so emboldened was he by the draught that he + actually seated himself by the side of Lady Gorgon, on John Perkins's new + sofa. + </p> + <p> + Her Ladyship had of course something to say to him. She was a pious woman, + and had suddenly conceived a violent wish for building a chapel of ease at + Oldborough, to which she entreated him to subscribe. She enlarged upon the + benefits that the town would derive from it, spoke of Sunday-schools, + sweet spiritual instruction, and the duty of all well-minded persons to + give aid to the scheme. + </p> + <p> + “I will subscribe a hundred pounds,” said Scully, at the end of her + Ladyship's harangue: “would I not do anything for you?” + </p> + <p> + “Thank you, thank you, dear Mr. Scully,” said the enthusiastic woman. (How + the “dear” went burning through his soul!) “Ah!” added she, “if you WOULD + but do anything for me—if you, who are so eminently, so truly + distinguished, in a religious point of view, would but see the truth in + politics too; and if I could see your name among those of the true patriot + party in this empire, how blest—oh! how blest should I be! Poor Sir + George often says he should go to his grave happy, could he but see you + the guardian of his boy; and I, your old friend (for we WERE friends, + William), how have I wept to think of you as one of those who are bringing + our monarchy to ruin. Do, do promise me this too!” And she took his hand + and pressed it between hers. + </p> + <p> + The heart of William Pitt Scully, during this speech, was thumping up and + down with a frightful velocity and strength. His old love, the agency of + the Gorgon property—the dear widow—five thousand a year clear—a + thousand delicious hopes rushed madly through his brain, and almost took + away his reason. And there she sat—she, the loved one, pressing his + hand and looking softly into his eyes. + </p> + <p> + Down, down he plumped on his knees. + </p> + <p> + “Juliana!” shrieked he, “don't take away your hand! My love—my only + love!—speak but those blessed words again! Call me William once + more, and do with me what you will.” + </p> + <p> + Juliana cast down her eyes and said, in the very smallest type, “William!” + ..... + </p> + <p> + —when the door opened, and in walked Mr. Crampton, leading Mrs. + Biggs, who could hardly contain herself for laughing, and Mr. John + Perkins, who was squeezing the arm of Miss Lucy. They had heard every word + of the two last speeches. + </p> + <p> + For at the very moment when Lady Gorgon had stopped at Mr. Scully's door, + the four above-named individuals had issued from Great James Street into + Bedford Row. + </p> + <p> + Lucy cried out that it was her aunt's carriage, and they all saw Mr. + Scully come out, bare-headed, in the sunshine, and my Lady descend, and + the pair go into the house. They meanwhile entered by Mr. Perkins's own + private door, and had been occupied in examining the delightful rooms on + the ground-floor, which were to be his dining-room and library—from + which they ascended a stair to visit the other two rooms, which were to + form Mrs. John Perkins's drawing-room and bedroom. Now whether it was that + they trod softly, or that the stairs were covered with a grand new carpet + and drugget, as was the case, or that the party within were too much + occupied in themselves to heed any outward disturbances, I know not; but + Lucy, who was advancing with John (he was saying something about one of + the apartments, the rogue!)—Lucy started and whispered, “There is + somebody in the rooms!” and at that instant began the speech already + reported, “THANK YOU, THANK YOU, DEAR MR. SCULLY,” etc. etc., which was + delivered by Lady Gorgon in a full clear voice; for, to do her Ladyship + justice, SHE had not one single grain of love for Mr. Scully, and during + the delivery of her little oration, was as cool as the coolest cucumber. + </p> + <p> + Then began the impassioned rejoinder, to which the four listened on the + landing-place; and then the little “William,” as narrated above: at which + juncture Mr. Crampton thought proper to rattle at the door, and, after a + brief pause, to enter with his party. + </p> + <p> + “William” had had time to bounce off his knees, and was on a chair at the + other end of the room. + </p> + <p> + “What, Lady Gorgon!” said Mr. Crampton, with excellent surprise, “how + delighted I am to see you! Always, I see employed in works of charity” + (the chapel-of-ease paper was on her knees), “and on such an occasion, + too,—it is really the most wonderful coincidence! My dear madam, + here is a silly fellow, a nephew of mine, who is going to marry a silly + girl, a niece of your own.” + </p> + <p> + “Sir, I—” began Lady Gorgon, rising. + </p> + <p> + “They heard every word,” whispered Mr. Crampton eagerly. “Come forward, + Mr. Perkins, and show yourself.” Mr. Perkins made a genteel bow. “Miss + Lucy, please to shake hands with your aunt; and this, my dear madam, is + Mrs. Biggs, of Mecklenburgh Square, who, if she were not too old, might + marry a gentleman in the Treasury, who is your very humble servant.” And + with this gallant speech, old Mr. Crampton began helping everybody to + sherry and cake. + </p> + <p> + As for William Pitt Scully, he had disappeared, evaporated, in the most + absurd sneaking way imaginable. Lady Gorgon made good her retreat + presently, with much dignity, her countenance undismayed, and her face + turned resolutely to the foe. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * * * +</pre> + <p> + About five days afterwards, that memorable contest took place in the House + of Commons, in which the partisans of Mr. Macabaw were so very nearly + getting him the Speakership. On the day that the report of the debate + appeared in the Times, there appeared also an announcement in the Gazette + as follows:— + </p> + <p> + “The King has been pleased to appoint John Perkins, Esquire, to be + Deputy-Subcomptroller of His Majesty's Tape Office and Custos of the + Sealing-Wax Department.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Crampton showed this to his nephew with great glee, and was chuckling + to think how Mr. William Pitt Scully would be annoyed, who had expected + the place, when Perkins burst out laughing and said, “By heavens, here is + my own speech! Scully has spoken every word of it; he has only put in Mr. + Pincher's name in the place of Mr. Macabaw's.” + </p> + <p> + “He is ours now,” responded his uncle, “and I told you WE WOULD HAVE HIM + FOR NOTHING. I told you, too, that you should be married from Sir George + Gorgon's, and here is proof of it.” + </p> + <p> + It was a letter from Lady Gorgon, in which she said that, “had she known + Mr. Perkins to be a nephew of her friend Mr. Crampton, she never for a + moment would have opposed his marriage with her niece, and she had written + that morning to her dear Lucy, begging that the marriage breakfast should + take place in Baker Street.” + </p> + <p> + “It shall be in Mecklenburgh Square,” said John Perkins stoutly; and in + Mecklenburgh Square it was. + </p> + <p> + William Pitt Scully, Esquire, was, as Mr. Crampton said, hugely annoyed at + the loss of the place for his nephew. He had still, however, his hopes to + look forward to, but these were unluckily dashed by the coming in of the + Whigs. As for Sir George Gorgon, when he came to ask about his peerage, + Hawksby told him that they could not afford to lose him in the Commons, + for a Liberal Member would infallibly fill his place. + </p> + <p> + And now that the Tories are out and the Whigs are in, strange to say a + Liberal does fill his place. This Liberal is no other than Sir George + Gorgon himself, who is still longing to be a lord, and his lady is still + devout and intriguing. So that the Members for Oldborough have changed + sides, and taunt each other with apostasy, and hate each other cordially. + Mr. Crampton still chuckles over the manner in which he tricked them both, + and talks of those five minutes during which he stood on the + landing-place, and hatched and executed his “Bedford-Row Conspiracy.” + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Bedford-Row Conspiracy, by +William Makepeace Thackeray + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE BEDFORD-ROW CONSPIRACY *** + +***** This file should be named 1990-h.htm or 1990-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/1/9/9/1990/ + +Produced by Les Bowler, and David Widger + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Bedford-Row Conspiracy + +Author: William Makepeace Thackeray + +Posting Date: September 21, 2008 [EBook #1990] +Release Date: December, 1999 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE BEDFORD-ROW CONSPIRACY *** + + + + +Produced by Les Bowler + + + + + +THE BEDFORD-ROW CONSPIRACY + +By William Makepeace Thackeray + + +Contents. + + I. Of the loves of Mr. Perkins and Miss Gorgon, and of the two + great factions in the town of Oldborough. + + II. Shows how the plot began to thicken in or about Bedford Row. + + III. Behind the scenes. + + + Note: + + A story of Charles de Bernard furnished the plot of + "The Bedford-Row Conspiracy." + + + + +THE BEDFORD-ROW CONSPIRACY + + + + +CHAPTER I. + + +OF THE LOVES OF MR. PERKINS AND MISS GORGON, AND OF THE TWO GREAT +FACTIONS IN THE TOWN OF OLDBOROUGH. + +"My dear John," cried Lucy, with a very wise look indeed, "it must and +shall be so. As for Doughty Street, with our means, a house is out of +the question. We must keep three servants, and Aunt Biggs says the taxes +are one-and-twenty pounds a year." + +"I have seen a sweet place at Chelsea," remarked John: "Paradise Row, +No. 17,--garden--greenhouse--fifty pounds a year--omnibus to town within +a mile." + +"What! that I may be left alone all day, and you spend a fortune in +driving backward and forward in those horrid breakneck cabs? My darling, +I should die there--die of fright, I know I should. Did you not say +yourself that the road was not as yet lighted, and that the place +swarmed with public-houses and dreadful tipsy Irish bricklayers? Would +you kill me, John?" + +"My da-arling," said John, with tremendous fondness, clutching Miss +Lucy suddenly round the waist, and rapping the hand of that young person +violently against his waistcoat,--"My da-arling, don't say such things, +even in a joke. If I objected to the chambers, it is only because you, +my love, with your birth and connections, ought to have a house of your +own. The chambers are quite large enough and certainly quite good enough +for me." And so, after some more sweet parley on the part of these +young people, it was agreed that they should take up their abode, +when married, in a part of the House number One hundred and something, +Bedford Row. + +It will be necessary to explain to the reader that John was no other +than John Perkins, Esquire, of the Middle Temple, barrister-at-law, and +that Miss Lucy was the daughter of the late Captain Gorgon, and Marianne +Biggs, his wife. The Captain being of noble connections, younger son of +a baronet, cousin to Lord X----, and related to the Y---- family, had +angered all his relatives by marrying a very silly pretty young woman, +who kept a ladies'-school at Canterbury. She had six hundred pounds +to her fortune, which the Captain laid out in the purchase of a sweet +travelling-carriage and dressing-case for himself; and going abroad with +his lady, spent several years in the principal prisons of Europe, in one +of which he died. His wife and daughter were meantime supported by the +contributions of Mrs. Jemima Biggs, who still kept the ladies'-school. + +At last a dear old relative--such a one as one reads of in +romances--died and left seven thousand pounds apiece to the two sisters, +whereupon the elder gave up schooling and retired to London; and the +younger managed to live with some comfort and decency at Brussels, +upon two hundred and ten pounds per annum. Mrs. Gorgon never touched +a shilling of her capital, for the very good reason that it was placed +entirely out of her reach; so that when she died, her daughter found +herself in possession of a sum of money that is not always to be met +with in this world. + +Her aunt the baronet's lady, and her aunt the ex-schoolmistress, both +wrote very pressing invitations to her, and she resided with each for +six months after her arrival in England. Now, for a second time, she had +come to Mrs. Biggs, Caroline Place, Mecklenburgh Square. It was under +the roof of that respectable old lady that John Perkins, Esquire, being +invited to take tea, wooed and won Miss Gorgon. + +Having thus described the circumstances of Miss Gorgon's life, let us +pass for a moment from that young lady, and lift up the veil of mystery +which envelopes the deeds and character of Perkins. + +Perkins, too, was an orphan; and he and his Lucy, of summer evenings, +when Sol descending lingered fondly yet about the minarets of the +Foundling, and gilded the grassplots of Mecklenburgh Square--Perkins, +I say, and Lucy would often sit together in the summer-house of that +pleasure-ground, and muse upon the strange coincidences of their life. +Lucy was motherless and fatherless; so too was Perkins. If Perkins was +brotherless and sisterless, was not Lucy likewise an only child? Perkins +was twenty-three: his age and Lucy's united, amounted to forty-six; and +it was to be remarked, as a fact still more extraordinary, that while +Lucy's relatives were AUNTS, John's were UNCLES. Mysterious spirit of +love! let us treat thee with respect and whisper not too many of thy +secrets. The fact is, John and Lucy were a pair of fools (as every young +couple OUGHT to be who have hearts that are worth a farthing), and were +ready to find coincidences, sympathies, hidden gushes of feeling, mystic +unions of the soul, and what not, in every single circumstance that +occurred from the rising of the sun to the going down thereof, and in +the intervals. Bedford Row, where Perkins lived, is not very far from +Mecklenburgh Square; and John used to say that he felt a comfort that +his house and Lucy's were served by the same muffin-man. + +Further comment is needless. A more honest, simple, clever, +warm-hearted, soft, whimsical, romantical, high-spirited young fellow +than John Perkins did not exist. When his father, Doctor Perkins, died, +this, his only son, was placed under the care of John Perkins, Esquire, +of the house of Perkins, Scully, and Perkins, those celebrated attorneys +in the trading town of Oldborough, which the second partner, William +Pitt Scully, Esquire, represented in Parliament and in London. + +All John's fortune was the house in Bedford Row, which, at his father's +death, was let out into chambers, and brought in a clear hundred a +year. Under his uncle's roof at Oldborough, where he lived with thirteen +red-haired male and female cousins, he was only charged fifty pounds +for board, clothes, and pocket-money, and the remainder of his rents +was carefully put by for him until his majority. When he approached +that period--when he came to belong to two spouting-clubs at Oldborough, +among the young merchants and lawyers'-clerks--to blow the flute nicely, +and play a good game at billiards--to have written one or two smart +things in the Oldborough Sentinel--to be fond of smoking (in which act +he was discovered by his fainting aunt at three o'clock one morning)--in +one word, when John Perkins arrived at manhood, he discovered that he +was quite unfit to be an attorney, that he detested all the ways of his +uncle's stern, dull, vulgar, regular, red-headed family, and he vowed +that he would go to London and make his fortune. Thither he went, his +aunt and cousins, who were all "serious," vowing that he was a lost boy; +and when his history opens, John had been two years in the metropolis, +inhabiting his own garrets; and a very nice compact set of apartments, +looking into the back-garden, at this moment falling vacant, the prudent +Lucy Gorgon had visited them, and vowed that she and her John should +there commence housekeeping. + +All these explanations are tedious, but necessary; and furthermore, it +must be said, that as John's uncle's partner was the Liberal member for +Oldborough, so Lucy's uncle was its Ministerial representative. + +This gentleman, the brother of the deceased Captain Gorgon, lived at the +paternal mansion of Gorgon Castle, and rejoiced in the name and title of +Sir George Grimsby Gorgon. + +He, too, like his younger brother, had married a lady beneath his own +rank in life; having espoused the daughter and heiress of Mr. Hicks, the +great brewer at Oldborough, who held numerous mortgages on the Gorgon +property, all of which he yielded up, together with his daughter +Juliana, to the care of the baronet. + +What Lady Gorgon was in character, this history will show. In person, +if she may be compared to any vulgar animal, one of her father's heavy, +healthy, broad-flanked, Roman-nosed white dray-horses might, to the +poetic mind, appear to resemble her. At twenty she was a splendid +creature, and though not at her full growth, yet remarkable for strength +and sinew; at forty-five she was as fine a woman as any in His Majesty's +dominions. Five feet seven in height, thirteen stone, her own teeth and +hair, she looked as if she were the mother of a regiment of Grenadier +Guards. She had three daughters of her own size, and at length, ten +years after the birth of the last of the young ladies, a son--one +son--George Augustus Frederick Grimsby Gorgon, the godson of a royal +duke, whose steady officer in waiting Sir George had been for many +years. + +It is needless to say, after entering so largely into a description +of Lady Gorgon, that her husband was a little shrivelled wizen-faced +creature, eight inches shorter than her Ladyship. This is the way of +the world, as every single reader of this book must have remarked; for +frolic love delights to join giants and pigmies of different sexes in +the bonds of matrimony. When you saw her Ladyship in flame-coloured +satin and gorgeous toque and feathers, entering the drawing-room, as +footmen along the stairs shouted melodiously, "Sir George and Lady +Gorgon," you beheld in her company a small withered old gentleman, with +powder and large royal household buttons, who tripped at her elbow as a +little weak-legged colt does at the side of a stout mare. + +The little General had been present at about a hundred and twenty +pitched battles on Hounslow Heath and Wormwood Scrubs, but had never +drawn his sword against an enemy. As might be expected, therefore, his +talk and tenue were outrageously military. He had the whole Army List by +heart--that is, as far as the field-officers: all below them he scorned. +A bugle at Gorgon Castle always sounded at breakfast, and dinner: a gun +announced sunset. He clung to his pigtail for many years after the army +had forsaken that ornament, and could never be brought to think much of +the Peninsular men for giving it up. When he spoke of the Duke, he used +to call him "MY LORD WELLINGTON--I RECOLLECT HIM AS CAPTAIN WELLESLEY." +He swore fearfully in conversation, was most regular at church, and +regularly read to his family and domestics the morning and evening +prayer; he bullied his daughters, seemed to bully his wife, who led him +whither she chose; gave grand entertainments, and never asked a friend +by chance; had splendid liveries, and starved his people; and was +as dull, stingy, pompous, insolent, cringing, ill-tempered a little +creature as ever was known. + +With such qualities you may fancy that he was generally admired in +society and by his country. So he was: and I never knew a man so +endowed whose way through life was not safe--who had fewer pangs of +conscience--more positive enjoyments--more respect shown to him--more +favours granted to him, than such a one as my friend the General. + +Her Ladyship was just suited to him, and they did in reality admire +each other hugely. Previously to her marriage with the baronet, many +love-passages had passed between her and William Pitt Scully, Esquire, +the attorney; and there was especially one story, a propos of certain +syllabubs and Sally-Lunn cakes, which seemed to show that matters had +gone very far. Be this as it may, no sooner did the General (Major +Gorgon he was then) cast an eye on her, than Scully's five years' fabric +of love was instantly dashed to the ground. She cut him pitilessly, +cut Sally Scully, his sister, her dearest friend and confidante, and +bestowed her big person upon the little aide-de-camp at the end of a +fortnight's wooing. In the course of time their mutual fathers died; +the Gorgon estates were unencumbered: patron of both the seats in the +borough of Oldborough, and occupant of one, Sir George Grimsby Gorgon, +Baronet, was a personage of no small importance. + +He was, it scarcely need to be said, a Tory; and this was the reason +why William Pitt Scully, Esquire, of the firm of Perkins and Scully, +deserted those principles in which he had been bred and christened; +deserted that church which he had frequented, for he could not bear to +see Sir George and my Lady flaunting in their grand pew;--deserted, I +say, the church, adopted the conventicle, and became one of the most +zealous and eloquent supporters that Freedom has known in our time. +Scully, of the house of Scully and Perkins, was a dangerous enemy. In +five years from that marriage, which snatched from the jilted solicitor +his heart's young affections, Sir George Gorgon found that he must +actually spend seven hundred pounds to keep his two seats. At the next +election, a Liberal was set up against his man, and actually ran +him hard; and finally, at the end of eighteen years, the rejected +Scully--the mean attorney--was actually the FIRST Member for Oldborough, +Sir George Grimsby Gorgon, Baronet, being only the second! + +The agony of that day cannot be imagined--the dreadful curses of Sir +George, who saw fifteen hundred a year robbed from under his very +nose--the religious resignation of my Lady--the hideous window-smashing +that took place at the "Gorgon Arms," and the discomfiture of the pelted +Mayor and Corporation. The very next Sunday, Scully was reconciled to +the church (or attended it in the morning, and the meeting twice in the +afternoon), and as Doctor Snorter uttered the prayer for the High Court +of Parliament, his eye, the eye of his whole party--turned towards Lady +Gorgon and Sir George in a most unholy triumph. Sir George (who always +stood during prayers, like a military man) fairly sank down among the +hassocks, and Lady Gorgon was heard to sob as audibly as ever did little +beadle-belaboured urchin. + +Scully, when at Oldborough, came from that day forth to church. "What," +said he, "was it to him? were we not all brethren?" Old Perkins, +however, kept religiously to the Squaretoes congregation. In fact, to +tell the truth, this subject had been debated between the partners, +who saw the advantage of courting both the Establishment and the +Dissenters--a manoeuvre which, I need not say, is repeated in almost +every country town in England, where a solicitor's house has this kind +of power and connection. + +Three months after this election came the races at Oldborough, and the +race-ball. Gorgon was so infuriated by his defeat, that he gave "the +Gorgon cup and cover," a matter of fifteen pounds. Scully, "although +anxious," as he wrote from town, "anxious beyond measure to preserve +the breed of horses for which our beloved country has ever been famous, +could attend no such sports as these, which but too often degenerated +into vice." It was voted a shabby excuse. Lady Gorgon was radiant in her +barouche and four, and gladly became the patroness of the ball that was +to ensue; and which all the gentry and townspeople, Tory and Whig, were +in the custom of attending. The ball took place on the last day of the +races. On that day, the walls of the market-house, the principal public +buildings, and the "Gorgon Arms Hotel" itself, were plastered with the +following:-- + +"Letter from our distinguished representative, William P. Scully, +Esquire, etc., etc. + + "HOUSE OF COMMONS: June 1, 18--. + +"MY DEAR HEELTAP,--You know my opinion about horseracing, and though +I blame neither you nor any brother Englishman who enjoys that manly +sport, you will, I am sure, appreciate the conscientious motives +which induce me not to appear among my friends and constituents on the +festival of the 3rd, 4th, and 5th instant. If _I_, however, cannot +allow my name to appear among your list of stewards, ONE at least of the +representatives of Oldborough has no such scruples. Sir George Gorgon is +among you: and though I differ from that honourable Baronet on more than +ONE VITAL POINT, I am glad to think that he is with you. A gentleman, a +soldier, a man of property in the county, how can he be better employed +than in forwarding the county's amusements, and in forwarding the +happiness of all? + +"Had I no such scruples as those to which I have just alluded, I must +still have refrained from coming among you. Your great Oldborough +common-drainage and inclosure bill comes on to-morrow, and I shall be AT +MY POST. I am sure, if Sir George Gorgon were here, he and I should +on this occasion vote side by side, and that party strife would be +forgotten in the object of our common interest--OUR DEAR NATIVE TOWN. + +"There is, however, another occasion at hand, in which I shall be +proud to meet him. Your ball is on the night of the 6th. Party +forgotten--brotherly union--innocent mirth--beauty, OUR DEAR TOWN'S +BEAUTY, our daughters in the joy of their expanding loveliness, our +matrons in the exquisite contemplation of their children's bliss--can +you, can I, can Whig or Tory, can any Briton be indifferent to a scene +like this, or refuse to join in this heart-stirring festival? If there +BE such let them pardon me--I, for one, my dear Heeltap, will be among +you on Friday night--ay, and hereby invite all pretty Tory Misses, who +are in want of a partner. + +"I am here in the very midst of good things, you know, and we old folks +like A SUPPER after a dance. Please to accept a brace of bucks and a +turtle, which come herewith. My worthy colleague, who was so liberal +last year of his soup to the poor, will not, I trust, refuse to taste +a little of Alderman Birch's--'tis offered on my part with hearty +goodwill. Hey for the 6th, and vive la joie! + + "Ever, my dear Heeltap, your faithful + + "W. PITT SCULLY. + +"P.S.--Of course this letter is STRICTLY PRIVATE. Say that the venison, +etc. came from a WELL-WISHER TO OLDBOROUGH." + +This amazing letter was published, in defiance of Mr. Scully's +injunctions, by the enthusiastic Heeltap, who said, bluntly, in a +preface, "that he saw no reason why Mr. Scully should be ashamed of his +action, and he, for his part, was glad to let all friends at Oldborough +know of it." + +The allusion about the Gorgon soup was killing: thirteen paupers in +Oldborough had, it was confidently asserted, died of it. Lady Gorgon, +on the reading of this letter, was struck completely dumb; Sir George +Gorgon was wild. Ten dozen of champagne was he obliged to send down to +the "Gorgon Arms," to be added to the festival. He would have stayed +away if he could, but he dared not. + +At nine o'clock, he in general's uniform; his wife in blue satin and +diamonds; his daughters in blue crape and white roses; his niece, Lucy +Gorgon, in white muslin; his son, George Augustus Frederick Grimsby +Gorgon, in a blue velvet jacket, sugar-loaf buttons, and nankeens, +entered the north door of the ballroom, to much cheering, and the sound +of "God save the King!" + +At that very same moment, and from the south door, issued William Pitt +Scully, Esquire, M.P., and his staff. Mr. Scully had a brand-new blue +coat and brass buttons, buff waistcoat, white kerseymere tights, pumps +with large rosettes, and pink silk stockings. + +"This wool," said he to a friend, "was grown on Oldborough sheep, +this cloth was spun in Oldborough looms, these buttons were cast in +an Oldborough manufactory, these shoes were made by an Oldborough +tradesman, this HEART first beat in Oldborough town, and pray Heaven may +be buried there!" + +Could anything resist a man like this? John Perkins, who had come down +as one of Scully's aides-de-camp, in a fit of generous enthusiasm, +leaped on a whist-table, flung up a pocket-handkerchief, and +shrieked--"SCULLY FOR EVER!" + +Heeltap, who was generally drunk, fairly burst into tears, and the grave +tradesmen and Whig gentry, who had dined with the Member at his inn, and +accompanied him thence to the "Gorgon Arms," lifted their deep voices +and shouted "Hear!" "Good!" "Bravo!" "Noble!" "Scully for ever!" "God +bless him!" and "Hurrah!" + +The scene was tumultuously affecting; and when young Perkins sprang down +from the table and came blushing up to the Member, that gentleman said, +"Thank you, Jack! THANK you, my boy! THANK you," in a way which made +Perkins think that his supreme cup of bliss was quaffed; that he had but +to die: for that life had no other such joy in store for him. Scully +was Perkins's Napoleon--he yielded himself up to the attorney, body and +soul. + +Whilst this scene was going on under one chandelier of the ballroom, +beneath the other scarlet little General Gorgon, sumptuous Lady Gorgon, +the daughters and niece Gorgons, were standing surrounded by their Tory +court, who affected to sneer and titter at the Whig demonstrations which +were taking place. + +"What a howwid thmell of whithkey!" lisped Cornet Fitch, of the +Dragoons, to Miss Lucy, confidentially. "And the--the are what they call +Whigth, are they? He! he!" + +"They are drunk, ----me, --drunk, by ----!" said the General to the +Mayor. + +"WHICH is Scully?" said Lady Gorgon, lifting her glass gravely (she was +at that very moment thinking of the syllabubs). "Is it that tipsy man in +the green coat, or that vulgar creature in the blue one?" + +"Law, my Lady," said the Mayoress, "have you forgotten him? Why, that's +him in blue and buff." + +"And a monthous fine man, too," said Cornet Fitch. "I wish we had him in +our twoop--he'th thix feet thwee, if he'th an inch; ain't he, Genewal?" + +No reply. + +"And heavens! Mamma," shrieked the three Gorgons in a breath, "see, one +creature is on the whist-table. Oh, the wretch! + +"I'm sure he's very good-looking," said Lucy, simply. + +Lady Gorgon darted at her an angry look, and was about to say something +very contemptuous, when, at that instant, John Perkins's shout taking +effect, Master George Augustus Frederick Grimsby Gorgon, not knowing +better, incontinently raised a small shout on his side. + +"Hear! good! bravo!" exclaimed he; "Scully for ever! Hurra-a-a-ay!" and +fell skipping about like the Whigs opposite. + +"Silence, you brute you!" groaned Lady Gorgon; and seizing him by the +shirt-frill and coat-collar, carried him away to his nurse, who, with +many other maids of the Whig and Tory parties, stood giggling and +peeping at the landing-place. + +Fancy how all these small incidents augmented the heap of Lady Gorgon's +anger and injuries! She was a dull phlegmatic woman for the most part, +and contented herself generally with merely despising her neighbours; +but oh! what a fine active hatred raged in her bosom for victorious +Scully! At this moment Mr. Perkins had finished shaking hands with his +Napoleon--Napoleon seemed bent upon some tremendous enterprise. He was +looking at Lady Gorgon very hard. + +"She's a fine woman," said Scully, thoughtfully; he was still holding +the hand of Perkins. And then, after a pause, "Gad! I think I'll try." + +"Try what, sir?" + +"She's a DEUCED fine woman!" burst out again the tender solicitor. "I +WILL go. Springer, tell the fiddlers to strike up." + +Springer scuttled across the room, and gave the leader of the band a +knowing nod. Suddenly, "God save the King" ceased, and "Sir Roger +de Coverley" began. The rival forces eyed each other; Mr. Scully, +accompanied by his friend, came forward, looking very red, and fumbling +two large kid gloves. + +"HE'S GOING TO ASK ME TO DANCE," hissed out Lady Gorgon, with a dreadful +intuition, and she drew back behind her lord. + +"D---- it, madam, THEN DANCE with him!" said the General. "Don't you see +that the scoundrel is carrying it all his own way! ---- him! and ---- +him! and ---- him!" (All of which dashes the reader may fill up with +oaths of such strength as may be requisite). + +"General!" cried Lady Gorgon, but could say no more. Scully was before +her. + +"Madam!" exclaimed the Liberal Member for Oldborough, "in a moment +like this--I say--that is--that on the present occasion--your +Ladyship--unaccustomed as I am--pooh, psha--WILL your Ladyship give me +the distinguished honour and pleasure of going down the country-dance +with your Ladyship?" + +An immense heave of her Ladyship's ample chest was perceptible. Yards of +blond lace, which might be compared to a foam of the sea, were agitated +at the same moment, and by the same mighty emotion. The river of +diamonds which flowed round her Ladyship's neck, seemed to swell and to +shine more than ever. The tall plumes on her ambrosial head bowed down +beneath the storm. In other words, Lady Gorgon, in a furious rage, +which she was compelled to restrain, trembled, drew up, and bowing +majestically, said,-- + +"Sir, I shall have much pleasure." With this, she extended her hand. +Scully, trembling, thrust forward one of his huge kid-gloves, and led +her to the head of the country-dance. John Perkins--who I presume +had been drinking pretty freely, so as to have forgotten his ordinary +bashfulness--looked at the three Gorgons in blue, then at the pretty +smiling one in white, and stepping up to her, without the smallest +hesitation, asked her if she would dance with him. + +The young lady smilingly agreed. The great example of Scully and Lady +Gorgon was followed by all dancing men and women. Political enmities +were forgotten. Whig voters invited Tory voters' wives to the dance. The +daughters of Reform accepted the hands of the sons of Conservatism. The +reconciliation of the Romans and Sabines was not more touching than this +sweet fusion. Whack--whack! Springer clapped his hands; and the fiddlers +adroitly obeying the cheerful signal, began playing "Sir Roger de +Coverley" louder than ever. + +I do not know by what extraordinary charm (nescio qua praeter solitum, +etc.), but young Perkins, who all his life had hated country-dances, was +delighted with this one, and skipped and laughed, poussetting, crossing, +down-the-middling, with his merry little partner, till every one of the +bettermost sort of the thirty-nine couples had dropped panting away, and +till the youngest Miss Gorgon, coming up to his partner, said in a loud +hissing scornful whisper, "Lucy, Mamma thinks you have danced quite +enough with this--this person." And Lucy, blushing, starting back, and +looking at Perkins in a very melancholy way, made him a little curtsey, +and went off to the Gorgonian party with her cousin. Perkins was too +frightened to lead her back to her place--too frightened at first, and +then too angry. "Person!" said he: his soul swelled with a desperate +republicanism: he went back to his patron more of a Radical than ever. + +He found that gentleman in the solitary tea-room, pacing up and down +before the observant landlady and handmaidens of the "Gorgon Arms," +wiping his brows, gnawing his fingers--his ears looming over his stiff +white shirt-collar as red as fire. Once more the great man seized John +Perkins's hand as the latter came up. + +"D---- the aristocrats!" roared the ex-follower of Squaretoes. + +"And so say I! but what's the matter, sir?" + +"What's the matter?--Why, that woman--that infernal, haughty, +straitlaced, cold-blooded brewer's daughter! I loved that woman, sir--I +KISSED that woman, sir, twenty years ago: we were all but engaged, sir: +we've walked for hours and hours, sir--us and the governess--I've got +a lock of her hair, sir, among my papers now; and to-night, would you +believe it?--as soon as she got to the bottom of the set, away she +went--not one word would she speak to me all the way down: and when I +wanted to lead her to her place, and asked her if she would have a glass +of negus, 'Sir,' says she, 'I have done my duty; I bear no malice: but +I consider you a traitor to Sir George Gorgon's family--a traitor and +an upstart! I consider your speaking to me as a piece of insolent +vulgarity, and beg you will leave me to myself!' There's her speech, +sir. Twenty people heard it, and all of her Tory set too. I'll tell you +what, Jack: at the next election I'll put YOU up. Oh that woman! that +woman!--and to think that I love her still!" Here Mr. Scully paused, +and fiercely consoled himself by swallowing three cups of Mrs. Rincer's +green tea. + +The fact is, that Lady Gorgon's passion had completely got the better of +her reason. Her Ladyship was naturally cold, and artificially extremely +squeamish; and when this great red-faced enemy of hers looked tenderly +at her through his red little eyes, and squeezed her hand and attempted +to renew old acquaintance, she felt such an intolerable disgust at his +triumph, at his familiarity, and at the remembrance of her own former +liking for him, that she gave utterance to the speech above correctly +reported. The Tories were delighted with her spirit, and Cornet Fitch, +with much glee, told the story to the General; but that officer, who was +at whist with some of his friends, flung down his cards, and coming up +to his lady, said briefly,-- + +"Madam, you are a fool!" + +"I will NOT stay here to be bearded by that disgusting man!--Mr. Fitch, +call my people.--Henrietta, bring Miss Lucy from that linendraper with +whom she is dancing. I will not stay, General, once for all." + +Henrietta ran--she hated her cousin: Cornet Fitch was departing. "Stop, +Fitch," said Sir George, seizing him by the arm. "You are a fool, Lady +Gorgon," said he, "and I repeat it--a ---- fool! This fellow Scully +is carrying all before him: he has talked with everybody, laughed with +everybody--and you, with your infernal airs--a brewer's daughter, by +----, must sit like a queen and not speak to a soul! You've lost me one +seat of my borough, with your infernal pride--fifteen hundred a year, +by Jove!--and you think you will bully me out of another. No, madam, you +SHALL stay, and stay supper too;--and the girls shall dance with every +cursed chimney-sweep and butcher in the room: they shall--confound me!" + +Her Ladyship saw that it was necessary to submit; and Mr. Springer, the +master of the ceremonies, was called, and requested to point out +some eligible partners for the young ladies. One went off with a +Whig auctioneer; another figured in a quadrille with a very Liberal +apothecary; and the third, Miss Henrietta, remained. + +"Hallo you, sir!" roared the little General to John Perkins, who was +passing by. John turned round and faced him. + +"You were dancing with my niece just now--show us your skill now, and +dance with one of my daughters. Stand up, Miss Henrietta Gorgon--Mr. +What's-your-name?" + +"My name," said John, with marked and majestic emphasis, "is PERKINS." +And he looked towards Lucy, who dared not look again. + +"Miss Gorgon--Mr. Perkins. There, now go and dance." + +"Mr. Perkins regrets, madam," said John, making a bow to Miss Henrietta, +"that he is not able to dance this evening. I am this moment obliged to +look to the supper; but you will find, no doubt, some other PERSON who +will have much pleasure." + +"Go to ----, sir!" screamed the General, starting up, and shaking his +cane. + +"Calm yourself, dearest George," said Lady Gorgon, clinging fondly to +him. Fitch twiddled his moustaches. Miss Henrietta Gorgon stared +with open mouth. The silks of the surrounding dowagers rustled--the +countenances of all looked grave. + +"I will follow you, sir, wherever you please; and you may hear of me +whenever you like," said Mr. Perkins, bowing and retiring. He heard +little Lucy sobbing in a corner. He was lost at once--lost in love; he +felt as if he could combat fifty generals! he never was so happy in his +life. + +The supper came; but as that meal cost five shillings a head, General +Gorgon dismissed the four spinsters of his family homewards in the +carriage, and so saved himself a pound. This added to Jack Perkins's +wrath; he had hoped to have seen Miss Lucy once more. He was a steward, +and, in the General's teeth, would have done his duty. He was thinking +how he would have helped her to the most delicate chicken-wings and +blancmanges, how he WOULD have made her take champagne. Under the noses +of indignant aunt and uncle, what glorious fun it would have been! + +Out of place as Mr. Scully's present was, and though Lady Gorgon and her +party sneered at the vulgar notion of venison and turtle for supper, +all the world at Oldborough ate very greedily of those two substantial +dishes; and the Mayor's wife became from that day forth a mortal +enemy of the Gorgons: for, sitting near her Ladyship, who refused the +proffered soup and meat, the Mayoress thought herself obliged to follow +this disagreeable example. She sent away the plate of turtle with a +sigh, saying, however, to the baronet's lady, "I thought, mem, that the +LORD MAYOR OF LONDON always had turtle to his supper?" + +"And what if he didn't, Biddy?" said his Honour the Mayor; "a good +thing's a good thing, and here goes!" wherewith he plunged his spoon +into the savoury mess. The Mayoress, as we have said, dared not; but she +hated Lady Gorgon, and remembered it at the next election. + +The pride, in fact, and insolence of the Gorgon party rendered every +person in the room hostile to them; so soon as, gorged with meat, they +began to find that courage which Britons invariably derive from their +victuals. The show of the Gorgon plate seemed to offend the people. The +Gorgon champagne was a long time, too, in making its appearance. Arrive, +however, it did. The people were waiting for it; the young ladies, not +accustomed to that drink, declined pledging their admirers until it +was produced; the men, too, despised the bucellas and sherry, and were +looking continually towards the door. At last, Mr. Rincer, the landlord, +Mr. Hock, Sir George's butler, and sundry others entered the room. Bang! +went the corks--fizz the foamy liquor sparkled into all sorts of glasses +that were held out for its reception. Mr. Hock helped Sir George and his +party, who drank with great gusto; the wine which was administered to +the persons immediately around Mr. Scully was likewise pronounced to +be good. But Mr. Perkins, who had taken his seat among the humbler +individuals, and in the very middle of the table, observed that all +these persons, after drinking, made to each other very wry and ominous +faces, and whispered much. He tasted his wine: it was a villanous +compound of sugar, vitriol, soda-water, and green gooseberries. At +this moment a great clatter of forks was made by the president's and +vice-president's party. Silence for a toast--'twas silence all. + +"Landlord," said Mr. Perkins, starting up (the rogue, where did his +impudence come from?) "have you any champagne of YOUR OWN?" + +"Silence! down!" roared the Tories, the ladies looking aghast. "Silence, +sit down you!" shrieked the well-known voice of the General. + +"I beg your pardon, General," said young John Perkins; "but where COULD +you have bought this champagne? My worthy friend I know is going to +propose the ladies; let us at any rate drink such a toast in good wine." +("Hear, hear!") "Drink her Ladyship's health in THIS stuff? I declare to +goodness I would sooner drink it in beer!" + +No pen can describe the uproar which arose: the anguish of the +Gorgonites--the shrieks, jeers, cheers, ironic cries of "Swipes!" etc., +which proceeded from the less genteel but more enthusiastic Scullyites. + +"This vulgarity is too much," said Lady Gorgon, rising; and Mrs. +Mayoress and the ladies of the party did so too. + +The General, two squires, the clergyman, the Gorgon apothecary and +attorney, with their respective ladies, followed her: they were plainly +beaten from the field. Such of the Tories as dared remained, and in +inglorious compromise shared the jovial Whig feast. + +"Gentlemen and ladies," hiccupped Mr. Heeltap, "I'll give you a toast. +'Champagne to our real--hic--friends,' no, 'Real champagne to our +friends,' and--hic--pooh! 'Champagne to our friends, and real pain to +our enemies,'--huzzay!" + +The Scully faction on this day bore the victory away, and if the polite +reader has been shocked by certain vulgarities on the part of Mr. +Scully and his friends, he must remember imprimis that Oldborough was +an inconsiderable place--that the inhabitants thereof were chiefly +tradespeople, not of refined habits--that Mr. Scully himself had only +for three months mingled among the aristocracy--that his young friend +Perkins was violently angry--and finally, and to conclude, that the +proud vulgarity of the great Sir George Gorgon and his family was +infinitely more odious and contemptible than the mean vulgarity of the +Scullyites and their leader. + +Immediately after this event, Mr. Scully and his young friend Perkins +returned to town; the latter to his garrets in Bedford Row--the former +to his apartments on the first floor of the same house. He lived here to +superintend his legal business: his London agents, Messrs. Higgs, Biggs, +and Blatherwick, occupying the ground floor; the junior partner, Mr. +Gustavus Blatherwick, the second flat of the house. Scully made no +secret of his profession or residence: he was an attorney, and proud of +it; he was the grandson of a labourer, and thanked God for it; he had +made his fortune by his own honest labour, and why should he be ashamed +of it? + +And now, having explained at full length who the several heroes and +heroines of this history were, and how they conducted themselves in the +country, let us describe their behaviour in London, and the great events +which occurred there. + +You must know that Mr. Perkins bore away the tenderest recollections +of the young lady with whom he had danced at the Oldborough ball, and, +having taken particular care to find out where she dwelt when in the +metropolis, managed soon to become acquainted with Aunt Biggs, and made +himself so amiable to that lady, that she begged he would pass all his +disengaged evenings at her lodgings in Caroline Place. Mrs. Biggs was +perfectly aware that the young gentleman did not come for her bohea +and muffins, so much as for the sweeter conversation of her niece, Miss +Gorgon; but seeing that these two young people were of an age when ideas +of love and marriage will spring up, do what you will; seeing that her +niece had a fortune, and Mr. Perkins had the prospect of a place, and +was moreover a very amiable and well-disposed young fellow, she thought +her niece could not do better than marry him; and Miss Gorgon thought +so too. Now the public will be able to understand the meaning of that +important conversation which is recorded at the very commencement of +this history. + +Lady Gorgon and her family were likewise in town; but, when in the +metropolis, they never took notice of their relative, Miss Lucy: the +idea of acknowledging an ex-schoolmistress living in Mecklenburgh Square +being much too preposterous for a person of my Lady Gorgon's breeding +and fashion. She did not, therefore, know of the progress which sly +Perkins was making all this while; for Lucy Gorgon did not think it was +at all necessary to inform her Ladyship how deeply she was smitten +by the wicked young gentleman who had made all the disturbance at the +Oldborough ball. + +The intimacy of these young persons had, in fact, become so close, that +on a certain sunshiny Sunday in December, after having accompanied Aunt +Biggs to church, they had pursued their walk as far as that rendezvous +of lovers, the Regent's Park, and were talking of their coming marriage, +with much confidential tenderness, before the bears in the Zoological +Gardens. + +Miss Lucy was ever and anon feeding those interesting animals with buns, +to perform which act of charity she had clambered up on the parapet +which surrounds their den. Mr. Perkins was below; and Miss Lucy, having +distributed her buns, was on the point of following,--but whether from +timidity, or whether from a desire to do young Perkins an essential +service, I know not: however, she found herself quite unwilling to jump +down unaided. + +"My dearest John," said she, "I never can jump that." + +Whereupon John stepped up, put one hand round Lucy's waist; and as one +of hers gently fell upon his shoulder, Mr. Perkins took the other and +said,-- + +"Now jump." + +Hoop! jump she did, and so excessively active and clever was Mr. John +Perkins, that he jumped Miss Lucy plump into the middle of a group +formed of-- + +Lady Gorgon; + +The Misses Gorgon; + +Master George Augustus Frederick Grimsby Gorgon; + +And a footman, poodle, and French governess: who had all been for two or +three minutes listening to the billings and cooings of these imprudent +young lovers. + + + +CHAPTER II. + + +SHOWS HOW THE PLOT BEGAN TO THICKEN IN OR ABOUT BEDFORD ROW. + +"Miss Lucy!" + +"Upon my word!" + +"I'm hanged if it aren't Lucy! How do, Lucy?" uttered Lady, the Misses, +and Master Gorgon in a breath. + +Lucy came forward, bending down her ambrosial curls, and blushing, as a +modest young woman should: for, in truth, the scrape was very awkward. +And as for John Perkins, he made a start, and then a step forwards, and +then two backwards, and then began laying hands upon his black satin +stock--in short, the sun did not shine at that moment upon a man who +looked so exquisitely foolish. + +"Miss Lucy Gorgon, is your aunt--is Mrs. Briggs here?" said Lady Gorgon, +drawing herself up with much state. + +"Mrs. Biggs, Aunt?" said Lucy demurely. + +"Biggs or Briggs, madam, it is not of the slightest consequence. +I presume that persons in my rank of life are not expected to know +everybody's name in Magdeburg Square?" (Lady Gorgon had a house in Baker +Street, and a dismal house it was.) "NOT here," continued she, rightly +interpreting Lucy's silence, "NOT here?--and may I ask how long is it +that young ladies have been allowed to walk abroad without chaperons, +and to--to take a part in such scenes as that which we have just seen +acted?" + +To this question--and indeed it was rather difficult to answer--Miss +Gorgon had no reply. There were the six grey eyes of her cousins +glowering at her; there was George Augustus Frederick examining her with +an air of extreme wonder, Mademoiselle the governess turning her looks +demurely away, and awful Lady Gorgon glancing fiercely at her in front. +Not mentioning the footman and poodle, what could a poor modest timid +girl plead before such an inquisition, especially when she was clearly +guilty? Add to this, that as Lady Gorgon, that majestic woman, always +remarkable for her size and insolence of demeanour, had planted herself +in the middle of the path, and spoke at the extreme pitch of her voice, +many persons walking in the neighbourhood had heard her Ladyship's +speech and stopped, and seemed disposed to await the rejoinder. + +"For Heaven's sake, Aunt, don't draw a crowd around us," said Lucy, who, +indeed, was glad of the only escape that lay in her power. "I will +tell you of the--of the circumstances of--of my engagement with this +gentleman--with Mr. Perkins," added she, in a softer tone--so soft that +the 'ERKINS was quite inaudible. + +"A Mr. What? An engagement without consulting your guardians!" screamed +her Ladyship. "This must be looked to! Jerningham, call round my +carriage. Mademoiselle, you will have the goodness to walk home with +Master Gorgon, and carry him, if you please, where there is wet; and, +girls, as the day is fine, you will do likewise. Jerningham, you will +attend the young ladies. Miss Gorgon, I will thank you to follow me +immediately." And so saying, and looking at the crowd with ineffable +scorn, and at Mr. Perkins not at all, the lady bustled away forwards, +the files of Gorgon daughters and governess closing round and enveloping +poor Lucy, who found herself carried forward against her will, and in a +minute seated in her aunt's coach, along with that tremendous person. + +Her case was bad enough, but what was it to Perkins's? Fancy his blank +surprise and rage at having his love thus suddenly ravished from +him, and his delicious tete-a-tete interrupted. He managed, in an +inconceivably short space of time, to conjure up half-a-million +obstacles to his union. What should he do? he would rush on to Baker +Street, and wait there until his Lucy left Lady Gorgon's house. + +He could find no vehicle in the Regent's Park, and was in consequence +obliged to make his journey on foot. Of course, he nearly killed himself +with running, and ran so quick, that he was just in time to see the two +ladies step out of Lady Gorgon's carriage at her own house, and to hear +Jerningham's fellow-footman roar to the Gorgonian coachman, "Half-past +seven!" at which hour we are, to this day, convinced that Lady Gorgon +was going out to dine. Mr. Jerningham's associate having banged to the +door, with an insolent look towards Perkins, who was prying in with the +most suspicious and indecent curiosity, retired, exclaiming, "That chap +has a hi to our great-coats, I reckon!" and left John Perkins to pace +the street and be miserable. + +John Perkins then walked resolutely up and down dismal Baker Street, +determined on an eclaircissement. He was for some time occupied in +thinking how it was that the Gorgons were not at church, they who made +such a parade of piety; and John Perkins smiled as he passed the chapel, +and saw that two CHARITY SERMONS were to be preached that day--and +therefore it was that General Gorgon read prayers to his family at home +in the morning. + +Perkins, at last, saw that little General, in blue frock-coat and +spotless buff gloves, saunter scowling home; and half an hour before his +arrival had witnessed the entrance of Jerningham, and the three gaunt +Miss Gorgons, poodle, son-and-heir, and French governess, protected by +him, into Sir George's mansion. + +"Can she be going to stay all night?" mused poor John, after being on +the watch for three hours: when presently, to his inexpressible delight, +he saw a very dirty hackney-coach clatter up to the Gorgon door, out of +which first issued the ruby plush breeches and stalwart calves of Mr. +Jerningham; these were followed by his body, and then the gentleman, +ringing modestly, was admitted. + +Again the door opened: a lady came out, nor was she followed by the +footman, who crossed his legs at the door-post and allowed her to mount +the jingling vehicle as best she might. Mr. Jerningham had witnessed the +scene in the Park Gardens, had listened to the altercation through the +library keyhole, and had been mighty sulky at being ordered to call a +coach for this young woman. He did not therefore deign to assist her to +mount. + +But there was ONE who did! Perkins was by the side of his Lucy: he +had seen her start back and cry, "La, John!"--had felt her squeeze his +arm--had mounted with her into the coach, and then shouted with a voice +of thunder to the coachman, "Caroline Place, Mecklenburgh Square." + +But Mr. Jerningham would have been much more surprised and puzzled if +he had waited one minute longer, and seen this Mr. Perkins, who had +so gallantly escaladed the hackney-coach, step out of it with the most +mortified, miserable, chap-fallen countenance possible. + +The fact is, he had found poor Lucy sobbing fit to break her heart, and +instead of consoling her, as he expected, he only seemed to irritate her +further: for she said, "Mr. Perkins--I beg--I insist, that you leave the +carriage." And when Perkins made some movement (which, not being in +the vehicle at the time, we have never been able to comprehend), she +suddenly sprang from the back-seat and began pulling at a large piece +of cord which communicated with the wrist of the gentleman driving; and, +screaming to him at the top of her voice, bade him immediately stop. + +This Mr. Coachman did, with a curious, puzzled, grinning air. + +Perkins descended, and on being asked, "Vere ham I to drive the young +'oman, sir?" I am sorry to say muttered something like an oath, and +uttered the above-mentioned words, "Caroline Place, Mecklenburgh +Square," in a tone which I should be inclined to describe as both dogged +and sheepish--very different from that cheery voice which he had used +when he first gave the order. + +Poor Lucy, in the course of those fatal three hours which had passed +while Mr. Perkins was pacing up and down Baker Street, had received a +lecture which lasted exactly one hundred and eighty minutes--from her +aunt first, then from her uncle, whom we have seen marching homewards, +and often from both together. + +Sir George Gorgon and his lady poured out such a flood of advice and +abuse against the poor girl, that she came away from the interview quite +timid and cowering; and when she saw John Perkins (the sly rogue! how +well he thought he had managed the trick!) she shrank from him as if +he had been a demon of wickedness, ordered him out of the carriage, and +went home by herself, convinced that she had committed some tremendous +sin. + +While, then, her coach jingled away to Caroline Place, Perkins, +once more alone, bent his steps in the same direction. A desperate, +heart-stricken man, he passed by the beloved's door, saw lights in the +front drawing-room, felt probably that she was there; but he could not +go in. Moodily he paced down Doughty Street, and turning abruptly +into Bedford Row, rushed into his own chambers, where Mrs. Snooks, the +laundress, had prepared his humble Sabbath meal. + +A cheerful fire blazed in his garret, and Mrs. Snooks had prepared for +him the favourite blade-bone he loved (blest four-days' dinner for +a bachelor--roast, cold, hashed, grilled bladebone, the fourth being +better than the first); but although he usually did rejoice in this +meal--ordinarily, indeed, grumbling that there was not enough to satisfy +him--he, on this occasion, after two mouthfuls, flung down his knife and +fork, and buried his two claws in his hair. + +"Snooks," said he at last, very moodily, "remove this d---- mutton, give +me my writing things, and some hot brandy-and-water." + +This was done without much alarm: for you must know that Perkins used to +dabble in poetry, and ordinarily prepare himself for composition by this +kind of stimulus. + +He wrote hastily a few lines. + +"Snooks, put on your bonnet," said he, "and carry this--YOU KNOW WHERE!" +he added, in a hollow, heart-breaking tone of voice, that affected poor +Snooks almost to tears. She went, however, with the note, which was to +this purpose:-- + +"Lucy! Lucy! my soul's love--what, what has happened? I am writing +this"--(a gulp of brandy-and-water)--"in a state bordering on +distraction--madness--insanity" (another). "Why did you send me out of +the coach in that cruel cruel way? Write to me a word, a line--tell +me, tell me, I may come to you--and leave me not in this agonising +condition; your faithful" (glog--glog--glog--the whole glass)--"J.P." + +He never signed John Perkins in full--he couldn't, it was so unromantic. + +Well, this missive was despatched by Mrs. Snooks, and Perkins, in +a fearful state of excitement, haggard, wild, and with more +brandy-and-water, awaited the return of his messenger. + +When at length, after about an absence of forty years, as it seemed to +him, the old lady returned with a large packet, Perkins seized it with +a trembling hand, and was yet more frightened to see the handwriting of +Mrs. or Miss Biggs. + +"MY DEAR MR. PERKINS," she began--"Although I am not your soul's adored, +I performed her part for once, since I have read your letter, as I told +her. You need not be very much alarmed, although Lucy is at this moment +in bed and unwell: for the poor girl has had a sad scene at her grand +uncle's house in Baker Street, and came home very much affected. Rest, +however, will restore her, for she is not one of your nervous sort; and +I hope when you come in the morning, you will see her as blooming as she +was when you went out to-day on that unlucky walk. + +"See what Sir George Gorgon says of us all! You won't challenge him, I +know, as he is to be your uncle, and so I may show you his letter. + +"Good-night, my dear John. Do not go QUITE distracted before morning; +and believe me your loving aunt, + "JEMIMA BIGGS." + + "41 BAKER STREET: 11th December. + +"MAJOR-GENERAL SIR GEORGE GORGON has heard with the utmost disgust and +surprise of the engagement which Miss Lucy Gorgon has thought fit to +form. + +"The Major-General cannot conceal his indignation at the share which +Miss Biggs has taken in this disgraceful transaction. + +"Sir George Gorgon puts an absolute veto upon all further communication +between his niece and the low-born adventurer who has been admitted into +her society, and begs to say that Lieutenant Fitch, of the Lifeguards, +is the gentleman who he intends shall marry Miss Gorgon. + +"It is the Major-General's wish, that on the 28th Miss Gorgon should be +ready to come to his house, in Baker Street, where she will be more safe +from impertinent intrusions than she has been in Mucklebury Square. + + "MRS. BIGGS, + "Caroline Place, + "Mecklenburgh Square." + +When poor John Perkins read this epistle, blank rage and wonder filled +his soul, at the audacity of the little General, who thus, without +the smallest title in the world, pretended to dispose of the hand +and fortune of his niece. The fact is, that Sir George had such a +transcendent notion of his own dignity and station, that it never for a +moment entered his head that his niece, or anybody else connected with +him, should take a single step in life without previously receiving his +orders; and Mr. Fitch, a baronet's son, having expressed an admiration +of Lucy, Sir George had determined that his suit should be accepted, and +really considered Lucy's preference of another as downright treason. + +John Perkins determined on the death of Fitch as the very least +reparation that should satisfy him; and vowed too that some of the +General's blood should be shed for the words which he had dared to +utter. + +We have said that William Pitt Scully, Esquire, M.P., occupied the first +floor of Mr. Perkins's house in Bedford Row: and the reader is further +to be informed that an immense friendship had sprung up between these +two gentlemen. The fact is, that poor John was very much flattered +by Scully's notice, and began in a very short time to fancy himself +a political personage; for he had made several of Scully's speeches, +written more than one letter from him to his constituents, and, in +a word, acted as his gratis clerk. At least a guinea a week did Mr. +Perkins save to the pockets of Mr. Scully, and with hearty good will +too, for he adored the great William Pitt, and believed every word that +dropped from the pompous lips of that gentleman. + +Well, after having discussed Sir George Gorgon's letter, poor Perkins, +in the utmost fury of mind that his darling should be slandered so, +feeling a desire for fresh air, determined to descend to the garden and +smoke a cigar in that rural quiet spot. The night was very calm. The +moonbeams slept softly upon the herbage of Gray's Inn gardens, and +bathed with silver splendour Theobald's Row. A million of little frisky +twinkling stars attended their queen, who looked with bland round face +upon their gambols, as they peeped in and out from the azure heavens. +Along Gray's Inn wall a lazy row of cabs stood listlessly, for who would +call a cab on such a night? Meanwhile their drivers, at the alehouse +near, smoked the short pipe or quaffed the foaming beer. Perhaps from +Gray's Inn Lane some broken sounds of Irish revelry might rise. Issuing +perhaps from Raymond Buildings gate, six lawyers' clerks might whoop a +tipsy song--or the loud watchman yell the passing hour; but beyond this +all was silence; and young Perkins, as he sat in the summerhouse at the +bottom of the garden, and contemplated the peaceful heaven, felt some +influences of it entering into his soul, and almost forgetting revenge, +thought but of peace and love. + +Presently, he was aware there was someone else pacing the garden. +Who could it be?--Not Blatherwick, for he passed the Sabbath with his +grandmamma at Clapham; not Scully surely, for he always went to Bethesda +Chapel, and to a select prayer-meeting afterwards. Alas! it WAS Scully; +for though that gentleman SAID that he went to chapel, we have it for +a fact that he did not always keep his promise, and was at this moment +employed in rehearsing an extempore speech, which he proposed to deliver +at St. Stephen's. + +"Had I, sir," spouted he, with folded arms, slowly pacing to and +fro--"Had I, sir, entertained the smallest possible intention of +addressing the House on the present occasion--hum, on the present +occasion--I would have endeavoured to prepare myself in a way that +should have at least shown my sense of the greatness of the subject +before the House's consideration, and the nature of the distinguished +audience I have the honour to address. I am, sir, a plain man--born +of the people--myself one of the people, having won, thank Heaven, an +honourable fortune and position by my own honest labour; and standing +here as I do--" + + * * * + +Here Mr. Scully (it may be said that he never made a speech without +bragging about himself: and an excellent plan it is, for people cannot +help believing you at last)--here, I say, Mr. Scully, who had one arm +raised, felt himself suddenly tipped on the shoulder, and heard a voice +saying, "Your money or your life!" + +The honourable gentleman twirled round as if he had been shot; the +papers on which a great part of this impromptu was written dropped from +his lifted hand, and some of them were actually borne on the air into +neighbouring gardens. The man was, in fact, in the direst fright. + +"It's only I," said Perkins, with rather a forced laugh, when he saw the +effect that his wit had produced. + +"Only you! And pray what the dev--what right have you to--to come upon +a man of my rank in that way, and disturb me in the midst of very +important meditations?" asked Mr. Scully, beginning to grow fierce. + +"I want your advice," said Perkins, "on a matter of the very greatest +importance to me. You know my idea of marrying?" + +"Marry!" said Scully; "I thought you had given up that silly scheme. And +how, pray, do you intend to live?" + +"Why, my intended has a couple of hundreds a year, and my clerkship in +the Tape and Sealing-Wax Office will be as much more." + +"Clerkship--Tape and Sealing-Wax Office--Government sinecure!--Why, good +heavens! John Perkins, you don't tell ME that you are going to accept +any such thing?" + +"It is a very small salary, certainly," said John, who had a decent +notion of his own merits; "but consider, six months vacation, two hours +in the day, and those spent over the newspapers. After all, it's--" + +"After all it's a swindle," roared out Mr. Scully--"a swindle upon the +country; an infamous tax upon the people, who starve that you may +fatten in idleness. But take this clerkship in the Tape and Sealing-Wax +Office," continued the patriot, his bosom heaving with noble +indignation, and his eye flashing the purest fire,--"TAKE this +clerkship, John Perkins, and sanction tyranny, by becoming one of its +agents; sanction dishonesty by sharing in its plunder--do this, BUT +never more be friend of mine. Had I a child," said the patriot, clasping +his hands and raising his eyes to heaven, "I would rather see him dead, +sir--dead, dead at my feet, than the servant of a Government which all +honest men despise." And here, giving a searching glance at Perkins, Mr. +Scully began tramping up and down the garden in a perfect fury. + +"Good heavens!" exclaimed the timid John Perkins--"don't say SO. My +dear Mr. Scully, I'm not the dishonest character you suppose me to be--I +never looked at the matter in this light. I'll--I'll consider of it. +I'll tell Crampton that I will give up the place; but for Heaven's sake, +don't let me forfeit YOUR friendship, which is dearer to me than any +place in the world." + +Mr. Scully pressed his hand, and said nothing; and though their +interview lasted a full half-hour longer, during which they paced up and +down the gravel walk, we shall not breathe a single syllable of their +conversation, as it has nothing to do with our tale. + +The next morning, after an interview with Miss Lucy, John Perkins, +Esquire, was seen to issue from Mrs. Biggs's house, looking particularly +pale, melancholy, and thoughtful; and he did not stop until he reached a +certain door in Downing Street, where was the office of a certain great +Minister, and the offices of the clerks in his Lordship's department. + +The head of them was Mr. Josiah Crampton, who has now to be introduced +to the public. He was a little old gentleman, some sixty years of age, +maternal uncle to John Perkins; a bachelor, who had been about forty-two +years employed in the department of which he was now the head. + +After waiting four hours in an ante-room, where a number of Irishmen, +some newspaper editors, many pompous-looking political personages asking +for the "first lord," a few sauntering clerks, and numbers of swift +active messengers passed to and fro;--after waiting for four hours, +making drawings on the blotting-book, and reading the Morning Post +for that day week, Mr. Perkins was informed that he might go into his +uncle's room, and did so accordingly. + +He found a little hard old gentleman seated at a table covered with +every variety of sealing-wax, blotting-paper, envelopes, despatch-boxes, +green tapers, etc. etc. An immense fire was blazing in the grate, an +immense sheet-almanack hung over that, a screen, three or four chairs, +and a faded Turkey carpet, formed the rest of the furniture of this +remarkable room--which I have described thus particularly, because in +the course of a long official life, I have remarked that such is the +invariable decoration of political rooms. + +"Well, John," said the little hard old gentleman, pointing to an +arm-chair, "I'm told you've been here since eleven. Why the deuce do you +come so early?" + +"I had important business," answered Mr. Perkins, stoutly; and as his +uncle looked up with a comical expression of wonder, John began in a +solemn tone to deliver a little speech which he had composed, and which +proved him to be a very worthy, easy, silly fellow. + +"Sir," said Mr. Perkins, "you have known for some time past the nature +of my political opinions, and the intimacy which I have had the honour +to form with one--with some of the leading members of the Liberal +party." (A grin from Mr. Crampton.) "When first, by your kindness, I was +promised the clerkship in the Tape and Sealing-Wax Office, my opinions +were not formed as they are now; and having taken the advice of the +gentlemen with whom I act,"--(an enormous grin)--"the advice, I say, +of the gentlemen with whom I act, and the counsel likewise of my own +conscience, I am compelled, with the deepest grief, to say, my dear +uncle, that I--I--" + +"That you--what, sir?" exclaimed little Mr. Crampton, bouncing off his +chair. "You don't mean to say that you are such a fool as to decline the +place?" + +"I do decline the place," said Perkins, whose blood rose at the word +"fool." "As a man of honour, I cannot take it." + +"Not take it! and how are you to live? On the rent of that house of +yours? For, by gad, sir, if you give up the clerkship, I never will give +you a shilling." + +"It cannot be helped," said Mr. Perkins, looking as much like a martyr +as he possibly could, and thinking himself a very fine fellow. "I have +talents, sir, which I hope to cultivate; and am member of a profession +by which a man may hope to rise to the very highest offices of the +State." + +"Profession, talents, offices of the State! Are you mad, John Perkins, +that you come to me with such insufferable twaddle as this? Why, do you +think if you HAD been capable of rising at the bar, I would have taken +so much trouble about getting you a place? No, sir; you are too fond of +pleasure, and bed, and tea-parties, and small-talk, and reading novels, +and playing the flute, and writing sonnets. You would no more rise +at the bar than my messenger, sir. It was because I knew your +disposition--that hopeless, careless, irresolute good-humour of +yours--that I had determined to keep you out of danger, by placing you +in a snug shelter, where the storms of the world would not come near +you. You must have principles forsooth! and you must marry Miss Gorgon, +of course: and by the time you have gone ten circuits, and had six +children, you will have eaten up every shilling of your wife's fortune, +and be as briefless as you are now. Who the deuce has put all this +nonsense into your head? I think I know." + +Mr. Perkins's ears tingled as these hard words saluted them; and he +scarcely knew whether he ought to knock his uncle down, or fall at his +feet and say, "Uncle, I have been a fool, and I know it." The fact is, +that in his interview with Miss Gorgon and her aunt in the morning, +when he came to tell them of the resolution he had formed to give up +the place, both the ladies and John himself had agreed, with a thousand +rapturous tears and exclamations, that he was one of the noblest young +men that ever lived, had acted as became himself, and might with perfect +propriety give up the place, his talents being so prodigious that no +power on earth could hinder him from being Lord Chancellor. Indeed, John +and Lucy had always thought the clerkship quite beneath him, and were +not a little glad, perhaps, at finding a pretext for decently refusing +it. But as Perkins was a young gentleman whose candour was such that he +was always swayed by the opinions of the last speaker, he did begin to +feel now the truth of his uncle's statements, however disagreeable they +might be. + +Mr. Crampton continued:-- + +"I think I know the cause of your patriotism. Has not William Pitt +Scully, Esquire, had something to do with it?" + +Mr. Perkins COULD not turn any redder than he was, but confessed with +deep humiliation that "he HAD consulted Mr. Scully among other friends." + +Mr. Crampton smiled--drew a letter from a heap before him, and tearing +off the signature, handed over the document to his nephew. It contained +the following paragraphs:-- + +"Hawksby has sounded Scully: we can have him any day we want him. He +talks very big at present, and says he would not take anything under +a... This is absurd. He has a Yorkshire nephew coming up to town, and +wants a place for him. There is one vacant in the Tape Office, he says: +have you not a promise of it?" + +"I can't--I can't believe it," said John; "this, sir, is some weak +invention of the enemy. Scully is the most honourable man breathing." + +"Mr. Scully is a gentleman in a very fair way to make a fortune," +answered Mr. Crampton. "Look you, John--it is just as well for your sake +that I should give you the news a few weeks before the papers, for I +don't want you to be ruined, if I can help it, as I don't wish to have +you on my hands. We know all the particulars of Scully's history. He was +a Tory attorney at Oldborough; he was jilted by the present Lady Gorgon, +turned Radical, and fought Sir George in his own borough. Sir George +would have had the peerage he is dying for, had he not lost that second +seat (by-the-by, my Lady will be here in five minutes), and Scully +is now quite firm there. Well, my dear lad, we have bought your +incorruptible Scully. Look here,"--and Mr. Crampton produced three +Morning Posts. + +"'THE HONOURABLE HENRY HAWKSBY'S DINNER-PARTY.--Lord So-and-So--Duke of +So-and-So--W. Pitt Scully, Esq. M.P.' + +"Hawksby is our neutral, our dinner-giver. + +"'LADY DIANA DOLDRUM'S ROUT.--W. Pitt Scully, Esq,' again. + +"'THE EARL OF MANTRAP'S GRAND DINNER.'--A Duke--four Lords--'Mr. Scully, +and Sir George Gorgon.'" + +"Well, but I don't see how you have bought him; look at his votes." + +"My dear John," said Mr. Crampton, jingling his watch-seals very +complacently, "I am letting you into fearful secrets. The great common +end of party is to buy your opponents--the great statesman buys them for +nothing." + +Here the attendant genius of Mr. Crampton made his appearance, and +whispered something, to which the little gentleman said, "Show her +Ladyship in,"--when the attendant disappeared. + +"John," said Mr. Crampton, with a very queer smile, "you can't stay in +this room while Lady Gorgon is with me; but there is a little clerk's +room behind the screen there, where you can wait until I call you." + +John retired, and as he closed the door of communication, strange to +say, little Mr. Crampton sprang up and said, "Confound the young ninny, +he has shut the door!" + +Mr. Crampton then, remembering that he wanted a map in the next room, +sprang into it, left the door half open in coming out, and was in +time to receive Her Ladyship with smiling face as she, ushered by Mr. +Strongitharm, majestically sailed in. + + + +CHAPTER III. + + +BEHIND THE SCENES. + +In issuing from and leaving open the door of the inner room, Mr. +Crampton had bestowed upon Mr. Perkins a look so peculiarly arch, that +even he, simple as he was, began to imagine that some mystery was about +to be cleared up, or some mighty matter to be discussed. Presently +he heard the well-known voice of Lady Gorgon in conversation with his +uncle. What could their talk be about? Mr. Perkins was dying to know, +and--shall we say it?--advanced to the door on tiptoe and listened with +all his might. + +Her Ladyship, that Juno of a woman, if she had not borrowed Venus's +girdle to render herself irresistible, at least had adopted a tender, +coaxing, wheedling, frisky tone, quite different from her ordinary +dignified style of conversation. She called Mr. Crampton a naughty man, +for neglecting his old friends, vowed that Sir George was quite hurt at +his not coming to dine--nor fixing a day when he would come--and added, +with a most engaging ogle, that she had three fine girls at home, +who would perhaps make an evening pass pleasantly, even to such a gay +bachelor as Mr. Crampton. + +"Madam," said he, with much gravity, "the daughters of such a mother +must be charming; but I, who have seen your Ladyship, am, alas! proof +against even them." + +Both parties here heaved tremendous sighs and affected to be wonderfully +unhappy about something. + +"I wish," after a pause, said Lady Gorgon--"I wish, dear Mr. Crampton, +you would not use that odious title 'my Ladyship:' you know it always +makes me melancholy." + +"Melancholy, my dear Lady Gorgon; and why?" + +"Because it makes me think of another title that ought to have been +mine--ours (I speak for dear Sir George's and my darling boy's sake, +Heaven knows, not mine). What a sad disappointment it has been to my +husband, that after all his services, all the promises he has had, they +have never given him his peerage. As for me, you know--" + +"For you, my dear madam, I know quite well that you care for no such +bauble as a coronet, except in so far as it may confer honour upon those +most dear to you--excellent wife and noble mother as you are. Heigho! +what a happy man is Sir George!" + +Here there was another pause, and if Mr. Perkins could have seen what +was taking place behind the screen, he would have beheld little Mr. +Crampton looking into Lady Gorgon's face, with as love-sick a Romeo-gaze +as he could possibly counterfeit; while her Ladyship, blushing somewhat +and turning her own grey gogglers up to heaven, received all his words +for gospel, and sat fancying herself to be the best, most meritorious, +and most beautiful creature in the three kingdoms. + +"You men are terrible flatterers," continued she; "but you say right: +for myself I value not these empty distinctions. I am growing old, Mr. +Crampton,--yes, indeed, I am, although you smile so incredulously,--and +let me add, that MY thoughts are fixed upon HIGHER things than earthly +crowns. But tell me, you who are all in all with Lord Bagwig, are we +never to have our peerage? His Majesty, I know, is not averse; the +services of dear Sir George to a member of His Majesty's august family, +I know, have been appreciated in the highest quarter. Ever since the +peace we have had a promise. Four hundred pounds has Sir George spent at +the Heralds' Office (I myself am of one of the most ancient families +in the kingdom, Mr. Crampton), and the poor dear man's health is really +ruined by the anxious sickening feeling of hope so long delayed." + +Mr. Crampton now assumed an air of much solemnity. + +"My dear Lady Gorgon," said he, "will you let me be frank with you, and +will you promise solemnly that what I am going to tell you shall never +be repeated to a single soul?" + +Lady Gorgon promised. + +"Well, then, since the truth you must know, you yourselves have been in +part the cause of the delay of which you complain. You gave us two votes +five years ago; you now only give us one. If Sir George were to go up +to the Peers, we should lose even that one vote; and would it be common +sense in us to incur such a loss? Mr. Scully, the Liberal, would return +another Member of his own way of thinking; and as for the Lords, we +have, you know, a majority there." + +"Oh, that horrid man!" said Lady Gorgon, cursing Mr. Scully in her +heart, and beginning to play a rapid tattoo with her feet, "that +miscreant, that traitor, that--that attorney has been our ruin." + +"Horrid man, if you please, but give me leave to tell you that the +horrid man is not the sole cause of your ruin--if ruin you will call it. +I am sorry to say that I do candidly think Ministers believe that Sir +George Gorgon has lost his influence in Oldborough as much through his +own fault as through Mr. Scully's cleverness." + +"Our own fault! Good heavens! Have we not done everything--everything +that persons of our station in the county could do, to keep those +misguided men? Have we not remonstrated, threatened, taken away our +custom from the Mayor, established a Conservative apothecary--in +fact, done all that gentlemen could do? But these are such times, Mr. +Crampton: the spirit of revolution is abroad, and the great families of +England are menaced by democratic insolence." + +This was Sir George Gorgon's speech always after dinner, and was +delivered by his lady with a great deal of stateliness. Somewhat, +perhaps, to her annoyance, Mr. Crampton only smiled, shook his head, and +said-- + +"Nonsense, my dear Lady Gorgon--pardon the phrase, but I am a plain old +man, and call things by their names. Now, will you let me whisper in +your ear one word of truth? You have tried all sorts of remonstrances, +and exerted yourself to maintain your influence in every way, except the +right one, and that is--" + +"What, in Heaven's name?" + +"Conciliation. We know your situation in the borough. Mr. Scully's +whole history, and, pardon me for saying so (but we men in office know +everything), yours--" + +Lady Gorgon's ears and cheeks now assumed the hottest hue of crimson. +She thought of her former passages with Scully, and of the days +when--but never mind when: for she suffered her veil to fall, and buried +her head in the folds of her handkerchief. Vain folds! The wily +little Mr. Crampton could see all that passed behind the cambric, and +continued-- + +"Yes, madam, we know the absurd hopes that were formed by a certain +attorney twenty years since. We know how, up to this moment, he boasts +of certain walks--" + +"With the governess--we were always with the governess!" shrieked out +Lady Gorgon, clasping her hands. "She was not the wisest of women." + +"With the governess, of course," said Mr. Crampton, firmly. "Do you +suppose that any man dare breathe a syllable against your spotless +reputation? Never, my dear madam; but what I would urge is this--you +have treated your disappointed admirer too cruelly." + +"What! the traitor who has robbed us of our rights?" + +"He never would have robbed you of your rights if you had been more kind +to him. You should be gentle, madam; you should forgive him--you should +be friends with him." + +"With a traitor, never!" + +"Think what made him a traitor, Lady Gorgon; look in your glass, and say +if there be not some excuse for him? Think of the feelings of the man +who saw beauty such as yours--I am a plain man and must speak--virtue +such as yours, in the possession of a rival. By heavens, madam, I think +he was RIGHT to hate Sir George Gorgon! Would you have him allow such a +prize to be ravished from him without a pang on his part?" + +"He was, I believe, very much attached to me," said Lady Gorgon, quite +delighted; "but you must be aware that a young man of his station in +life could not look up to a person of my rank." + +"Surely not: it was monstrous pride and arrogance in Mr. Scully. But +que voulez-vous? Such is the world's way. Scully could not help loving +you--who that knows you can? I am a plain man, and say what I think. +He loves you still. Why make an enemy of him, who would at a word be at +your feet? Dearest Lady Gorgon, listen to me. Sir George Gorgon and Mr. +Scully have already met--their meeting was our contrivance. It is for +our interest, for yours, that they should be friends. If there were two +Ministerial Members for Oldborough, do you think your husband's peerage +would be less secure? I am not at liberty to tell you all I know on this +subject; but do, I entreat you, be reconciled to him." + +And after a little more conversation, which was carried on by Mr. +Crampton in the same tender way, this important interview closed, and +Lady Gorgon, folding her shawl round her, threaded certain mysterious +passages and found her way to her carriage in Whitehall. + +"I hope you have not been listening, you rogue?" said Mr. Crampton to +his nephew, who blushed most absurdly by way of answer. "You would have +heard great State secrets, if you had dared to do so. That woman is +perpetually here, and if peerages are to be had for the asking, she +ought to have been a duchess by this time. I would not have admitted her +but for a reason that I have. Go you now and ponder upon what you have +heard and seen. Be on good terms with Scully, and, above all, speak not +a word concerning our interview--no, not a word even to your mistress. +By the way, I presume, sir, you will recall your resignation?" + +The bewildered Perkins was about to stammer out a speech, when his +uncle, cutting it short, pushed him gently out of the door. + + * * * + +At the period when the important events occurred which have been +recorded here, parties ran very high, and a mighty struggle for the +vacant Speakership was about to come on. The Right Honourable Robert +Pincher was the Ministerial candidate, and Sir Charles Macabaw was +patronised by the Opposition. The two Members for Oldborough of course +took different sides, the baronet being of the Pincher faction, while +Mr. William Pitt Scully strongly supported the Macabaw party. + +It was Mr. Scully's intention to deliver an impromptu speech upon the +occasion of the election, and he and his faithful Perkins prepared +it between them: for the latter gentleman had wisely kept his uncle's +counsel and his own and Mr. Scully was quite ignorant of the conspiracy +that was brooding. Indeed, so artfully had that young Machiavel of a +Perkins conducted himself, that when asked by his patron whether he had +given up his place in the Tape and Sealing Wax Office, he replied that +"he HAD tendered his resignation," but did not say one word about having +recalled it. + +"You were right, my boy, quite right," said Mr. Scully. "A man of +uncompromising principles should make no compromise." And herewith he +sat down and wrote off a couple of letters, one to Mr. Hawksby, telling +him that the place in the Sealing-Wax Office was, as he had reason to +know, vacant; and the other to his nephew, stating that it was to be +his. "Under the rose, my dear Bob," added Mr. Scully, "it will cost you +five hundred pounds; but you cannot invest your money better." + +It is needless to state that the affair was to be conducted "with the +strictest secresy and honour," and that the money was to pass through +Mr. Scully's hands. + +While, however, the great Pincher and Macabaw question was yet +undecided, an event occurred to Mr. Scully, which had a great influence +upon his after-life. A second grand banquet was given at the Earl of +Mantrap's: Lady Mantrap requested him to conduct Lady Gorgon to dinner; +and the latter, with a charming timidity, and a gracious melancholy look +into his face (after which her veined eyelids veiled her azure eyes), +put her hand into the trembling one of Mr. Scully and said as much as +looks could say, "Forgive and forget." + +Down went Scully to dinner. There were dukes on his right hand and earls +on his left; there were but two persons without title in the midst of +that glittering assemblage; the very servants looked like noblemen. The +cook had done wonders; the wines were cool and rich, and Lady Gorgon was +splendid! What attention did everybody pay to her and to him! Why WOULD +she go on gazing into his face with that tender imploring look? In +other words, Scully, after partaking of soup and fish (he, during their +discussion, had been thinking over all the former love-and-hate passages +between himself and Lady Gorgon), turned very red, and began talking to +her. + +"Were you not at the opera on Tuesday?" began he, assuming at once the +airs of a man of fashion. "I thought I caught a glimpse of you in the +Duchess of Diddlebury's box." + +"Opera, Mr. Scully?" (pronouncing the word "Scully" with the utmost +softness). "Ah, no! we seldom go, and yet too often. For serious persons +the enchantments of that place are too dangerous. I am so nervous--so +delicate; the smallest trifle so agitates, depresses, or irritates me, +that I dare not yield myself up to the excitement of music. I am too +passionately attached to it; and, shall I tell you? it has such a +strange influence upon me, that the smallest false note almost drives me +to distraction, and for that very reason I hardly ever go to a concert +or a ball." + +"Egad," thought Scully, "I recollect when she would dance down a matter +of five-and-forty couple, and jingle away at the 'Battle of Prague' all +day." + +She continued: "Don't you recollect, I do, with--oh, what regret!--that +day at Oldborough race-ball, when I behaved with such sad rudeness to +you? You will scarcely believe me, and yet I assure you 'tis the fact, +the music had made me almost mad. Do let me ask your pardon for my +conduct. I was not myself. Oh, Mr. Scully! I am no worldly woman; I +know my duties, and I feel my wrongs. Nights and days have I lain awake +weeping and thinking of that unhappy day--that I should ever speak so to +an old friend; for we WERE old friends, were we not?" + +Scully did not speak; but his eyes were bursting out of his head, and +his face was the exact colour of a deputy-lieutenant's uniform. + +"That I should ever forget myself and you so! How I have been longing +for this opportunity to ask you to forgive me! I asked Lady Mantrap, +when I heard you were to be here, to invite me to her party. Come, I +know you will forgive me--your eyes say you will. You used to look so in +old days, and forgive me my caprices THEN. Do give me a little wine--we +will drink to the memory of old days." + +Her eyes filled with tears; and poor Scully's hand caused such a +rattling and trembling of the glass and the decanter that the Duke +of Doldrum--who had been, during the course of this whispered +sentimentality, describing a famous run with the Queen's hounds at the +top of his voice--stopped at the jingling of the glass, and his tale +was lost for ever. Scully hastily drank his wine, and Lady Gorgon turned +round to her next neighbour, a little gentleman in black, between whom +and herself certain conscious looks passed. + +"I am glad poor Sir George is not here," said he, smiling. + +Lady Gorgon said, "Pooh, for shame!" The little gentleman was no other +than Josiah Crampton, Esquire, that eminent financier, and he was now +going through the curious calculation before mentioned, by which you BUY +A MAN FOR NOTHING. He intended to pay the very same price for Sir George +Gorgon, too; but there was no need to tell the baronet so; only of this +the reader must be made aware. + +While Mr. Crampton was conducting this intrigue, which was to bring a +new recruit to the Ministerial ranks, his mighty spirit condescended to +ponder upon subjects of infinitely less importance, and to arrange plans +for the welfare of his nephew and the young woman to whom he had made +a present of his heart. These young persons, as we said before, had +arranged to live in Mr. Perkins's own house in Bedford Row. It was of a +peculiar construction, and might more properly be called a house and +a half: for a snug little tenement of four chambers protruded from the +back of the house into the garden. These rooms communicated with the +drawing-rooms occupied by Mr. Scully; and Perkins, who acted as his +friend and secretary, used frequently to sit in the one nearest the +Member's study, in order that he might be close at hand to confer +with that great man. The rooms had a private entrance too, were newly +decorated, and in them the young couple proposed to live; the kitchen +and garrets being theirs likewise. What more could they need? We +are obliged to be particular in describing these apartments, for +extraordinary events occurred therein. + +To say the truth, until the present period Mr. Crampton had taken no +great interest in his nephew's marriage, or, indeed, in the young man +himself. The old gentleman was of a saturnine turn, and inclined +to undervalue the qualities of Mr. Perkins, which were idleness, +simplicity, enthusiasm, and easy good-nature. + +"Such fellows never do anything in the world," he would say, and for +such he had accordingly the most profound contempt. But when, after +John Perkins's repeated entreaties, he had been induced to make the +acquaintance of Miss Gorgon, he became instantly charmed with her, and +warmly espoused her cause against her overbearing relations. + +At his suggestion she wrote back to decline Sir George Gorgon's +peremptory invitation, and hinted at the same time that she had attained +an age and a position which enabled her to be the mistress of her own +actions. To this letter there came an answer from Lady Gorgon which we +shall not copy, but which simply stated that Miss Lucy Gorgon's conduct +was unchristian, ungrateful, unladylike, and immodest; that the Gorgon +family disowned her for the future, and left her at liberty to form +whatever base connections she pleased. + +"A pretty world this," said Mr. Crampton, in a great rage, when the +letter was shown to him. "This same fellow, Scully, dissuades my nephew +from taking a place, because Scully wants it for himself. This prude of +a Lady Gorgon cries out shame, and disowns an innocent amiable girl: she +a heartless jilt herself once, and a heartless flirt now. The Pharisees, +the Pharisees! And to call mine a base family, too!" + +Now, Lady Gorgon did not in the least know Mr. Crampton's connection +with Mr. Perkins, or she would have been much more guarded in her +language; but whether she knew it or not, the old gentleman felt a huge +indignation, and determined to have his revenge. + +"That's right, Uncle! SHALL I call Gorgon out?" said the impetuous young +Perkins, who was all for blood. + +"John, you are a fool," said his uncle. "You shall have a better +revenge: you shall be married from Sir George Gorgon's house, and you +shall see Mr. William Pitt Scully sold for nothing." This to the veteran +diplomatist seemed to be the highest triumph which man could possibly +enjoy. + +It was very soon to take place: and, as has been the case ever since the +world began, woman, lovely woman was to be the cause of Scully's fall. +The tender scene at Lord Mantrap's was followed by many others equally +sentimental. Sir George Gorgon called upon his colleague the very next +day, and brought with him a card from Lady Gorgon inviting Mr. Scully +to dinner. The attorney eagerly accepted the invitation, was received +in Baker Street by the whole amiable family with much respectful +cordiality, and was pressed to repeat his visits as country neighbours +should. More than once did he call, and somehow always at the hour when +Sir George was away at his club, or riding in the Park, or elsewhere +engaged. Sir George Gorgon was very old, very feeble, very much +shattered in constitution. Lady Gorgon used to impart her fears to Mr. +Scully every time he called there, and the sympathising attorney used to +console her as best he might. Sir George's country agent neglected the +property--his lady consulted Mr. Scully concerning it. He knew to a +fraction how large her jointure was; how she was to have Gorgon Castle +for her life; and how, in the event of the young baronet's death (he, +too, was a sickly poor boy), the chief part of the estates, bought by +her money, would be at her absolute disposal. + +"What a pity these odious politics prevent me from having you for our +agent," would Lady Gorgon say; and indeed Scully thought it was a pity +too. Ambitious Scully! what wild notions filled his brain. He used to +take leave of Lady Gorgon and ruminate upon these things; and when he +was gone, Sir George and her Ladyship used to laugh. + +"If we can but commit him--if we can but make him vote for Pincher," +said the General, "my peerage is secure. Hawksby and Crampton as good as +told me so." + +The point had been urged upon Mr. Scully repeatedly and adroitly. "Is +not Pincher a more experienced man than Macabaw?" would Sir George say +to his guest over their wine. Scully allowed it. "Can't you vote for +him on personal grounds, and say so in the House?" Scully wished he +could--how he wished he could! Every time the General coughed, Scully +saw his friend's desperate situation more and more, and thought how +pleasant it would be to be lord of Gorgon Castle. "Knowing my property," +cried Sir George, "as you do, and with your talents and integrity, what +a comfort it would be could I leave you as guardian to my boy! But these +cursed politics prevent it, my dear fellow. Why WILL you be a Radical?" +And Scully cursed politics too. "Hang the low-bred rogue," added Sir +George, when William Pitt Scully left the house: "he will do everything +but promise." + +"My dear General," said Lady Gorgon, sidling up to him and patting him +on his old yellow cheek--"My dear Georgy, tell me one thing,--are you +jealous?" + +"Jealous, my dear! and jealous of THAT fellow--pshaw!" + +"Well, then, give me leave, and you shall have the promise to-morrow." + + * * * + +To-morrow arrived. It was a remarkably fine day, and in the forenoon +Mr. Perkins gave his accustomed knock at Scully's study, which was only +separated from his own sitting-room by a double door. John had wisely +followed his uncle's advice, and was on the best terms with the +honourable Member. + +"Here are a few sentences," said he, "which I think may suit +your purpose. Great public services--undeniable merit--years of +integrity--cause of reform, and Macabaw for ever!" He put down the +paper. It was, in fact, a speech in favour of Mr. Macabaw. + +"Hush," said Scully, rather surlily; for he was thinking how +disagreeable it was to support Macabaw; and besides, there were clerks +in the room, whom the thoughtless Perkins had not at first perceived. As +soon as that gentleman saw them, "You are busy, I see," continued he in +a lower tone. "I came to say that I must be off duty to-day, for I am +engaged to take a walk with some ladies of my acquaintance." + +So saying, the light-hearted young man placed his hat unceremoniously on +his head, and went off through his own door, humming a song. He was in +such high spirits that he did not even think of closing the doors of +communication, and Scully looked after him with a sneer. + +"Ladies, forsooth," thought he; "I know who they are. This precious girl +that he is fooling with, for one, I suppose." He was right: Perkins was +off on the wings of love, to see Miss Lucy; and she and Aunt Biggs +and Uncle Crampton had promised this very day to come and look at the +apartments which Mrs. John Perkins was to occupy with her happy husband. + +"Poor devil," so continued Mr. Scully's meditations, "it is almost too +bad to do him out of his place; but my Bob wants it, and John's girl +has, I hear, seven thousand pounds. His uncle will get him another place +before all that money is spent." And herewith Mr. Scully began conning +the speech which Perkins had made for him. + +He had not read it more than six times,--in truth, he was getting it by +heart,--when his head clerk came to him from the front room, bearing +a card: a footman had brought it, who said his lady was waiting below. +Lady Gorgon's name was on the card! To seize his hat and rush downstairs +was, with Mr. Scully, the work of an infinitesimal portion of time. + +It was indeed Lady Gorgon in her Gorgonian chariot. + +"Mr. Scully," said she, popping her head out of window and smiling in a +most engaging way, "I want to speak to you, on something very particular +INDEED"--and she held him out her hand. Scully pressed it most tenderly: +he hoped all heads in Bedford Row were at the windows to see him. "I +can't ask you into the carriage, for you see the governess is with me, +and I want to talk secrets to you." + +"Shall I go and make a little promenade?" said mademoiselle, innocently. +And her mistress hated her for that speech. + +"No. Mr. Scully, I am sure, will let me come in for five minutes?" + +Mr. Scully was only too happy. My Lady descended and walked upstairs, +leaning on the happy solicitor's arm. But how should he manage? The +front room was consecrated to clerks; there were clerks too, as ill-luck +would have it, in his private room. "Perkins is out for the day," +thought Scully; "I will take her into his room." And into Perkins's +room he took her--ay, and he shut the double doors after him too, and +trembled as he thought of his own happiness. + +"What a charming little study," said Lady Gorgon, seating herself. And +indeed it was very pretty: for Perkins had furnished it beautifully, and +laid out a neat tray with cakes, a cold fowl, and sherry, to entertain +his party withal. "And do you bachelors always live so well?" continued +she, pointing to the little cold collation. + +Mr. Scully looked rather blank when he saw it, and a dreadful suspicion +crossed his soul; but there was no need to trouble Lady Gorgon with +explanations: therefore, at once, and with much presence of mind, he +asked her to partake of his bachelor's fare (she would refuse Mr. Scully +nothing that day). A pretty sight would it have been for young Perkins +to see strangers so unceremoniously devouring his feast. She drank--Mr. +Scully drank--and so emboldened was he by the draught that he actually +seated himself by the side of Lady Gorgon, on John Perkins's new sofa. + +Her Ladyship had of course something to say to him. She was a pious +woman, and had suddenly conceived a violent wish for building a chapel +of ease at Oldborough, to which she entreated him to subscribe. She +enlarged upon the benefits that the town would derive from it, spoke +of Sunday-schools, sweet spiritual instruction, and the duty of all +well-minded persons to give aid to the scheme. + +"I will subscribe a hundred pounds," said Scully, at the end of her +Ladyship's harangue: "would I not do anything for you?" + +"Thank you, thank you, dear Mr. Scully," said the enthusiastic woman. +(How the "dear" went burning through his soul!) "Ah!" added she, "if +you WOULD but do anything for me--if you, who are so eminently, so truly +distinguished, in a religious point of view, would but see the truth +in politics too; and if I could see your name among those of the true +patriot party in this empire, how blest--oh! how blest should I be! Poor +Sir George often says he should go to his grave happy, could he but +see you the guardian of his boy; and I, your old friend (for we WERE +friends, William), how have I wept to think of you as one of those who +are bringing our monarchy to ruin. Do, do promise me this too!" And she +took his hand and pressed it between hers. + +The heart of William Pitt Scully, during this speech, was thumping +up and down with a frightful velocity and strength. His old love, the +agency of the Gorgon property--the dear widow--five thousand a year +clear--a thousand delicious hopes rushed madly through his brain, and +almost took away his reason. And there she sat--she, the loved one, +pressing his hand and looking softly into his eyes. + +Down, down he plumped on his knees. + +"Juliana!" shrieked he, "don't take away your hand! My love--my only +love!--speak but those blessed words again! Call me William once more, +and do with me what you will." + +Juliana cast down her eyes and said, in the very smallest type, +"William!" + + * * * +--when the door opened, and in walked Mr. Crampton, leading Mrs. Biggs, +who could hardly contain herself for laughing, and Mr. John Perkins, who +was squeezing the arm of Miss Lucy. They had heard every word of the two +last speeches. + +For at the very moment when Lady Gorgon had stopped at Mr. Scully's +door, the four above-named individuals had issued from Great James +Street into Bedford Row. + +Lucy cried out that it was her aunt's carriage, and they all saw Mr. +Scully come out, bare-headed, in the sunshine, and my Lady descend, and +the pair go into the house. They meanwhile entered by Mr. Perkins's own +private door, and had been occupied in examining the delightful rooms +on the ground-floor, which were to be his dining-room and library--from +which they ascended a stair to visit the other two rooms, which were to +form Mrs. John Perkins's drawing-room and bedroom. Now whether it was +that they trod softly, or that the stairs were covered with a grand new +carpet and drugget, as was the case, or that the party within were too +much occupied in themselves to heed any outward disturbances, I know +not; but Lucy, who was advancing with John (he was saying something +about one of the apartments, the rogue!)--Lucy started and whispered, +"There is somebody in the rooms!" and at that instant began the speech +already reported, "THANK YOU, THANK YOU, DEAR MR. SCULLY," etc. etc., +which was delivered by Lady Gorgon in a full clear voice; for, to do her +Ladyship justice, SHE had not one single grain of love for Mr. Scully, +and during the delivery of her little oration, was as cool as the +coolest cucumber. + +Then began the impassioned rejoinder, to which the four listened on +the landing-place; and then the little "William," as narrated above: at +which juncture Mr. Crampton thought proper to rattle at the door, and, +after a brief pause, to enter with his party. + +"William" had had time to bounce off his knees, and was on a chair at +the other end of the room. + +"What, Lady Gorgon!" said Mr. Crampton, with excellent surprise, "how +delighted I am to see you! Always, I see employed in works of charity" +(the chapel-of-ease paper was on her knees), "and on such an occasion, +too,--it is really the most wonderful coincidence! My dear madam, here +is a silly fellow, a nephew of mine, who is going to marry a silly girl, +a niece of your own." + +"Sir, I--" began Lady Gorgon, rising. + +"They heard every word," whispered Mr. Crampton eagerly. "Come forward, +Mr. Perkins, and show yourself." Mr. Perkins made a genteel bow. "Miss +Lucy, please to shake hands with your aunt; and this, my dear madam, is +Mrs. Biggs, of Mecklenburgh Square, who, if she were not too old, might +marry a gentleman in the Treasury, who is your very humble servant." And +with this gallant speech, old Mr. Crampton began helping everybody to +sherry and cake. + +As for William Pitt Scully, he had disappeared, evaporated, in the +most absurd sneaking way imaginable. Lady Gorgon made good her retreat +presently, with much dignity, her countenance undismayed, and her face +turned resolutely to the foe. + + * * * + +About five days afterwards, that memorable contest took place in the +House of Commons, in which the partisans of Mr. Macabaw were so very +nearly getting him the Speakership. On the day that the report of the +debate appeared in the Times, there appeared also an announcement in the +Gazette as follows:-- + +"The King has been pleased to appoint John Perkins, Esquire, to be +Deputy-Subcomptroller of His Majesty's Tape Office and Custos of the +Sealing-Wax Department." + +Mr. Crampton showed this to his nephew with great glee, and was +chuckling to think how Mr. William Pitt Scully would be annoyed, who +had expected the place, when Perkins burst out laughing and said, "By +heavens, here is my own speech! Scully has spoken every word of it; he +has only put in Mr. Pincher's name in the place of Mr. Macabaw's." + +"He is ours now," responded his uncle, "and I told you WE WOULD HAVE HIM +FOR NOTHING. I told you, too, that you should be married from Sir George +Gorgon's, and here is proof of it." + +It was a letter from Lady Gorgon, in which she said that, "had she known +Mr. Perkins to be a nephew of her friend Mr. Crampton, she never for +a moment would have opposed his marriage with her niece, and she +had written that morning to her dear Lucy, begging that the marriage +breakfast should take place in Baker Street." + +"It shall be in Mecklenburgh Square," said John Perkins stoutly; and in +Mecklenburgh Square it was. + +William Pitt Scully, Esquire, was, as Mr. Crampton said, hugely annoyed +at the loss of the place for his nephew. He had still, however, his +hopes to look forward to, but these were unluckily dashed by the coming +in of the Whigs. As for Sir George Gorgon, when he came to ask about his +peerage, Hawksby told him that they could not afford to lose him in the +Commons, for a Liberal Member would infallibly fill his place. + +And now that the Tories are out and the Whigs are in, strange to say a +Liberal does fill his place. This Liberal is no other than Sir George +Gorgon himself, who is still longing to be a lord, and his lady is still +devout and intriguing. So that the Members for Oldborough have +changed sides, and taunt each other with apostasy, and hate each other +cordially. Mr. Crampton still chuckles over the manner in which he +tricked them both, and talks of those five minutes during which he +stood on the landing-place, and hatched and executed his "Bedford-Row +Conspiracy." + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Bedford-Row Conspiracy, by +William Makepeace Thackeray + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE BEDFORD-ROW CONSPIRACY *** + +***** This file should be named 1990.txt or 1990.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/1/9/9/1990/ + +Produced by Les Bowler + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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Shows how the plot began to thicken in or about Bedford Row. + +III. Behind the scenes. + + +Footnote: + +A story of Charles de Bernard furnished the plot of +"The Bedford-Row Conspiracy." + + + + +THE BEDFORD-ROW CONSPIRACY + + + + +CHAPTER I. + + + +OF THE LOVES OF MR. PERKINS AND MISS GORGON, AND OF THE TWO GREAT +FACTIONS IN THE TOWN OF OLDBOROUGH. + +"My dear John," cried Lucy, with a very wise look indeed, "it must +and shall be so. As for Doughty Street, with our means, a house is +out of the question. We must keep three servants, and Aunt Biggs +says the taxes are one-and-twenty pounds a year." + +"I have seen a sweet place at Chelsea," remarked John: "Paradise +Row, No. 17,--garden--greenhouse--fifty pounds a year--omnibus to +town within a mile." + +"What! that I may be left alone all day, and you spend a fortune in +driving backward and forward in those horrid breakneck cabs? My +darling, I should die there--die of fright, I know I should. Did +you not say yourself that the road was not as yet lighted, and that +the place swarmed with public-houses and dreadful tipsy Irish +bricklayers? Would you kill me, John?" + +"My da-arling," said John, with tremendous fondness, clutching Miss +Lucy suddenly round the waist, and rapping the hand of that young +person violently against his waistcoat,--"My da-arling, don't say +such things, even in a joke. If I objected to the chambers, it is +only because you, my love, with your birth and connections, ought to +have a house of your own. The chambers are quite large enough and +certainly quite good enough for me." And so, after some more sweet +parley on the part of these young people, it was agreed that they +should take up their abode, when married, in a part of the House +number One hundred and something, Bedford Row. + +It will be necessary to explain to the reader that John was no other +than John Perkins, Esquire, of the Middle Temple, barrister-at-law, +and that Miss Lucy was the daughter of the late Captain Gorgon, and +Marianne Biggs, his wife. The Captain being of noble connections, +younger son of a baronet, cousin to Lord X----, and related to the +Y---- family, had angered all his relatives by marrying a very silly +pretty young woman, who kept a ladies'-school at Canterbury. She +had six hundred pounds to her fortune, which the Captain laid out in +the purchase of a sweet travelling-carriage and dressing-case for +himself; and going abroad with his lady, spent several years in the +principal prisons of Europe, in one of which he died. His wife and +daughter were meantime supported by the contributions of Mrs. Jemima +Biggs, who still kept the ladies'-school. + +At last a dear old relative--such a one as one reads of in +romances--died and left seven thousand pounds apiece to the two +sisters, whereupon the elder gave up schooling and retired to +London; and the younger managed to live with some comfort and +decency at Brussels, upon two hundred and ten pounds per annum. +Mrs. Gorgon never touched a shilling of her capital, for the very +good reason that it was placed entirely out of her reach; so that +when she died, her daughter found herself in possession of a sum of +money that is not always to be met with in this world. + +Her aunt the baronet's lady, and her aunt the ex-schoolmistress, +both wrote very pressing invitations to her, and she resided with +each for six months after her arrival in England. Now, for a second +time, she had come to Mrs. Biggs, Caroline Place, Mecklenburgh +Square. It was under the roof of that respectable old lady that +John Perkins, Esquire, being invited to take tea, wooed and won Miss +Gorgon. + +Having thus described the circumstances of Miss Gorgon's life, let +us pass for a moment from that young lady, and lift up the veil of +mystery which envelopes the deeds and character of Perkins. + +Perkins, too, was an orphan; and he and his Lucy, of summer +evenings, when Sol descending lingered fondly yet about the minarets +of the Foundling, and gilded the grassplots of Mecklenburgh +Square--Perkins, I say, and Lucy would often sit together in the +summer-house of that pleasure-ground, and muse upon the strange +coincidences of their life. Lucy was motherless and fatherless; so +too was Perkins. If Perkins was brotherless and sisterless, was not +Lucy likewise an only child? Perkins was twenty-three: his age and +Lucy's united, amounted to forty-six; and it was to be remarked, as +a fact still more extraordinary, that while Lucy's relatives were +AUNTS, John's were UNCLES. Mysterious spirit of love! let us treat +thee with respect and whisper not too many of thy secrets. The fact +is, John and Lucy were a pair of fools (as every young couple OUGHT +to be who have hearts that are worth a farthing), and were ready to +find coincidences, sympathies, hidden gushes of feeling, mystic +unions of the soul, and what not, in every single circumstance that +occurred from the rising of the sun to the going down thereof, and +in the intervals. Bedford Row, where Perkins lived, is not very far +from Mecklenburgh Square; and John used to say that he felt a +comfort that his house and Lucy's were served by the same +muffin-man. + +Further comment is needless. A more honest, simple, clever, +warm-hearted, soft, whimsical, romantical, high-spirited young +fellow than John Perkins did not exist. When his father, Doctor +Perkins, died, this, his only son, was placed under the care of John +Perkins, Esquire, of the house of Perkins, Scully, and Perkins, +those celebrated attorneys in the trading town of Oldborough, which +the second partner, William Pitt Scully, Esquire, represented in +Parliament and in London. + +All John's fortune was the house in Bedford Row, which, at his +father's death, was let out into chambers, and brought in a clear +hundred a year. Under his uncle's roof at Oldborough, where he +lived with thirteen red-haired male and female cousins, he was only +charged fifty pounds for board, clothes, and pocket-money, and the +remainder of his rents was carefully put by for him until his +majority. When he approached that period--when he came to belong to +two spouting-clubs at Oldborough, among the young merchants and +lawyers'-clerks--to blow the flute nicely, and play a good game at +billiards--to have written one or two smart things in the Oldborough +Sentinel--to be fond of smoking (in which act he was discovered by +his fainting aunt at three o'clock one morning)--in one word, when +John Perkins arrived at manhood, he discovered that he was quite +unfit to be an attorney, that he detested all the ways of his +uncle's stern, dull, vulgar, regular, red-headed family, and he +vowed that he would go to London and make his fortune. Thither he +went, his aunt and cousins, who were all "serious," vowing that he +was a lost boy; and when his history opens, John had been two years +in the metropolis, inhabiting his own garrets; and a very nice +compact set of apartments, looking into the back-garden, at this +moment falling vacant, the prudent Lucy Gorgon had visited them, and +vowed that she and her John should there commence housekeeping. + +All these explanations are tedious, but necessary; and furthermore, +it must be said, that as John's uncle's partner was the Liberal +member for Oldborough, so Lucy's uncle was its Ministerial +representative. + +This gentleman, the brother of the deceased Captain Gorgon, lived at +the paternal mansion of Gorgon Castle, and rejoiced in the name and +title of Sir George Grimsby Gorgon. + +He, too, like his younger brother, had married a lady beneath his +own rank in life; having espoused the daughter and heiress of Mr. +Hicks, the great brewer at Oldborough, who held numerous mortgages +on the Gorgon property, all of which he yielded up, together with +his daughter Juliana, to the care of the baronet. + +What Lady Gorgon was in character, this history will show. In +person, if she may be compared to any vulgar animal, one of her +father's heavy, healthy, broad-flanked, Roman-nosed white +dray-horses might, to the poetic mind, appear to resemble her. At +twenty she was a splendid creature, and though not at her full +growth, yet remarkable for strength and sinew; at forty-five she was +as fine a woman as any in His Majesty's dominions. Five feet seven +in height, thirteen stone, her own teeth and hair, she looked as if +she were the mother of a regiment of Grenadier Guards. She had +three daughters of her own size, and at length, ten years after the +birth of the last of the young ladies, a son--one son--George +Augustus Frederick Grimsby Gorgon, the godson of a royal duke, whose +steady officer in waiting Sir George had been for many years. + +It is needless to say, after entering so largely into a description +of Lady Gorgon, that her husband was a little shrivelled wizen-faced +creature, eight inches shorter than her Ladyship. This is the way +of the world, as every single reader of this book must have +remarked; for frolic love delights to join giants and pigmies of +different sexes in the bonds of matrimony. When you saw her +Ladyship in flame-coloured satin and gorgeous toque and feathers, +entering the drawing-room, as footmen along the stairs shouted +melodiously, "Sir George and Lady Gorgon," you beheld in her company +a small withered old gentleman, with powder and large royal +household buttons, who tripped at her elbow as a little weak-legged +colt does at the side of a stout mare. + +The little General had been present at about a hundred and twenty +pitched battles on Hounslow Heath and Wormwood Scrubs, but had never +drawn his sword against an enemy. As might be expected, therefore, +his talk and tenue were outrageously military. He had the whole +Army List by heart--that is, as far as the field-officers: all +below them he scorned. A bugle at Gorgon Castle always sounded at +breakfast, and dinner: a gun announced sunset. He clung to his +pigtail for many years after the army had forsaken that ornament, +and could never be brought to think much of the Peninsular men for +giving it up. When he spoke of the Duke, he used to call him "MY +LORD WELLINGTON--I RECOLLECT HIM AS CAPTAIN WELLESLEY." He swore +fearfully in conversation, was most regular at church, and regularly +read to his family and domestics the morning and evening prayer; he +bullied his daughters, seemed to bully his wife, who led him whither +she chose; gave grand entertainments, and never asked a friend by +chance; had splendid liveries, and starved his people; and was as +dull, stingy, pompous, insolent, cringing, ill-tempered a little +creature as ever was known. + +With such qualities you may fancy that he was generally admired in +society and by his country. So he was: and I never knew a man so +endowed whose way through life was not safe--who had fewer pangs of +conscience--more positive enjoyments--more respect shown to +him--more favours granted to him, than such a one as my friend the +General. + +Her Ladyship was just suited to him, and they did in reality admire +each other hugely. Previously to her marriage with the baronet, +many love-passages had passed between her and William Pitt Scully, +Esquire, the attorney; and there was especially one story, a propos +of certain syllabubs and Sally-Lunn cakes, which seemed to show that +matters had gone very far. Be this as it may, no sooner did the +General (Major Gorgon he was then) cast an eye on her, than Scully's +five years' fabric of love was instantly dashed to the ground. She +cut him pitilessly, cut Sally Scully, his sister, her dearest friend +and confidante, and bestowed her big person upon the little +aide-de-camp at the end of a fortnight's wooing. In the course of +time their mutual fathers died; the Gorgon estates were +unencumbered: patron of both the seats in the borough of +Oldborough, and occupant of one, Sir George Grimsby Gorgon, Baronet, +was a personage of no small importance. + +He was, it scarcely need to be said, a Tory; and this was the reason +why William Pitt Scully, Esquire, of the firm of Perkins and Scully, +deserted those principles in which he had been bred and christened; +deserted that church which he had frequented, for he could not bear +to see Sir George and my Lady flaunting in their grand +pew;--deserted, I say, the church, adopted the conventicle, and +became one of the most zealous and eloquent supporters that Freedom +has known in our time. Scully, of the house of Scully and Perkins, +was a dangerous enemy. In five years from that marriage, which +snatched from the jilted solicitor his heart's young affections, Sir +George Gorgon found that he must actually spend seven hundred pounds +to keep his two seats. At the next election, a Liberal was set up +against his man, and actually ran him hard; and finally, at the end +of eighteen years, the rejected Scully--the mean attorney--was +actually the FIRST Member for Oldborough, Sir George Grimsby Gorgon, +Baronet, being only the second! + +The agony of that day cannot be imagined--the dreadful curses of Sir +George, who saw fifteen hundred a year robbed from under his very +nose--the religious resignation of my Lady--the hideous +window-smashing that took place at the "Gorgon Arms," and the +discomfiture of the pelted Mayor and Corporation. The very next +Sunday, Scully was reconciled to the church (or attended it in the +morning, and the meeting twice in the afternoon), and as Doctor +Snorter uttered the prayer for the High Court of Parliament, his +eye, the eye of his whole party--turned towards Lady Gorgon and Sir +George in a most unholy triumph. Sir George (who always stood +during prayers, like a military man) fairly sank down among the +hassocks, and Lady Gorgon was heard to sob as audibly as ever did +little beadle-belaboured urchin. + +Scully, when at Oldborough, came from that day forth to church. +"What," said he, "was it to him? were we not all brethren?" Old +Perkins, however, kept religiously to the Squaretoes congregation. +In fact, to tell the truth, this subject had been debated between +the partners, who saw the advantage of courting both the +Establishment and the Dissenters--a manoeuvre which, I need not say, +is repeated in almost every country town in England, where a +solicitor's house has this kind of power and connection. + +Three months after this election came the races at Oldborough, and +the race-ball. Gorgon was so infuriated by his defeat, that he gave +"the Gorgon cup and cover," a matter of fifteen pounds. Scully, +"although anxious," as he wrote from town, "anxious beyond measure +to preserve the breed of horses for which our beloved country has +ever been famous, could attend no such sports as these, which but +too often degenerated into vice." It was voted a shabby excuse. +Lady Gorgon was radiant in her barouche and four, and gladly became +the patroness of the ball that was to ensue; and which all the +gentry and townspeople, Tory and Whig, were in the custom of +attending. The ball took place on the last day of the races. On +that day, the walls of the market-house, the principal public +buildings, and the "Gorgon Arms Hotel" itself, were plastered with +the following:-- + +"Letter from our distinguished representative, William P. Scully, +Esquire, etc., etc. + + "HOUSE OF COMMONS: June 1, 18--. + +"MY DEAR HEELTAP,--You know my opinion about horseracing, and though +I blame neither you nor any brother Englishman who enjoys that manly +sport, you will, I am sure, appreciate the conscientious motives +which induce me not to appear among my friends and constituents on +the festival of the 3rd, 4th, and 5th instant. If _I_, however, +cannot allow my name to appear among your list of stewards, ONE at +least of the representatives of Oldborough has no such scruples. +Sir George Gorgon is among you: and though I differ from that +honourable Baronet on more than ONE VITAL POINT, I am glad to think +that he is with you. A gentleman, a soldier, a man of property in +the county, how can he be better employed than in forwarding the +county's amusements, and in forwarding the happiness of all? + +"Had I no such scruples as those to which I have just alluded, I +must still have refrained from coming among you. Your great +Oldborough common-drainage and inclosure bill comes on to-morrow, +and I shall be AT MY POST. I am sure, if Sir George Gorgon were +here, he and I should on this occasion vote side by side, and that +party strife would be forgotten in the object of our common +interest--OUR DEAR NATIVE TOWN. + +"There is, however, another occasion at hand, in which I shall be +proud to meet him. Your ball is on the night of the 6th. Party +forgotten--brotherly union--innocent mirth--beauty, OUR DEAR TOWN'S +BEAUTY, our daughters in the joy of their expanding loveliness, our +matrons in the exquisite contemplation of their children's bliss-- +can you, can I, can Whig or Tory, can any Briton be indifferent to a +scene like this, or refuse to join in this heart-stirring festival? +If there BE such let them pardon me--I, for one, my dear Heeltap, +will be among you on Friday night--ay, and hereby invite all pretty +Tory Misses, who are in want of a partner. + +"I am here in the very midst of good things, you know, and we old +folks like A SUPPER after a dance. Please to accept a brace of +bucks and a turtle, which come herewith. My worthy colleague, who +was so liberal last year of his soup to the poor, will not, I trust, +refuse to taste a little of Alderman Birch's--'tis offered on my +part with hearty goodwill. Hey for the 6th, and vive la joie! + + "Ever, my dear Heeltap, your faithful + + "W. PITT SCULLY. + +"P.S.--Of course this letter is STRICTLY PRIVATE. Say that the +venison, etc. came from a WELL-WISHER TO OLDBOROUGH." + +This amazing letter was published, in defiance of Mr. Scully's +injunctions, by the enthusiastic Heeltap, who said, bluntly, in a +preface, "that he saw no reason why Mr. Scully should be ashamed of +his action, and he, for his part, was glad to let all friends at +Oldborough know of it." + +The allusion about the Gorgon soup was killing: thirteen paupers in +Oldborough had, it was confidently asserted, died of it. Lady +Gorgon, on the reading of this letter, was struck completely dumb; +Sir George Gorgon was wild. Ten dozen of champagne was he obliged +to send down to the "Gorgon Arms," to be added to the festival. He +would have stayed away if he could, but he dared not. + +At nine o'clock, he in general's uniform; his wife in blue satin and +diamonds; his daughters in blue crape and white roses; his niece, +Lucy Gorgon, in white muslin; his son, George Augustus Frederick +Grimsby Gorgon, in a blue velvet jacket, sugar-loaf buttons, and +nankeens, entered the north door of the ballroom, to much cheering, +and the sound of "God save the King!" + +At that very same moment, and from the south door, issued William +Pitt Scully, Esquire, M.P., and his staff. Mr. Scully had a +brand-new blue coat and brass buttons, buff waistcoat, white +kerseymere tights, pumps with large rosettes, and pink silk +stockings. + +"This wool," said he to a friend, "was grown on Oldborough sheep, +this cloth was spun in Oldborough looms, these buttons were cast in +an Oldborough manufactory, these shoes were made by an Oldborough +tradesman, this HEART first beat in Oldborough town, and pray Heaven +may be buried there!" + +Could anything resist a man like this? John Perkins, who had come +down as one of Scully's aides-de-camp, in a fit of generous +enthusiasm, leaped on a whist-table, flung up a pocket-handkerchief, +and shrieked--"SCULLY FOR EVER!" + +Heeltap, who was generally drunk, fairly burst into tears, and the +grave tradesmen and Whig gentry, who had dined with the Member at +his inn, and accompanied him thence to the "Gorgon Arms," lifted +their deep voices and shouted "Hear!" "Good!" "Bravo!" "Noble!" +"Scully for ever!" "God bless him!" and "Hurrah!" + +The scene was tumultuously affecting; and when young Perkins sprang +down from the table and came blushing up to the Member, that +gentleman said, "Thank you, Jack! THANK you, my boy! THANK you," +in a way which made Perkins think that his supreme cup of bliss was +quaffed; that he had but to die: for that life had no other such +joy in store for him. Scully was Perkins's Napoleon--he yielded +himself up to the attorney, body and soul. + +Whilst this scene was going on under one chandelier of the ballroom, +beneath the other scarlet little General Gorgon, sumptuous Lady +Gorgon, the daughters and niece Gorgons, were standing surrounded by +their Tory court, who affected to sneer and titter at the Whig +demonstrations which were taking place. + +"What a howwid thmell of whithkey!" lisped Cornet Fitch, of the +Dragoons, to Miss Lucy, confidentially. "And thethe are what they +call Whigth, are they? He! he!" + +"They are drunk, ----- me,--drunk, by -----!" said the General to +the Mayor. + +"WHICH is Scully?" said Lady Gorgon, lifting her glass gravely (she +was at that very moment thinking of the syllabubs). "Is it that +tipsy man in the green coat, or that vulgar creature in the blue +one?" + +"Law, my Lady," said the Mayoress, "have you forgotten him? Why, +that's him in blue and buff." + +"And a monthous fine man, too," said Cornet Fitch. "I wish we had +him in our twoop--he'th thix feet thwee, if he'th an inch; ain't he, +Genewal?" + +No reply. + +"And heavens! Mamma," shrieked the three Gorgons in a breath, "see, +one creature is on the whist-table. Oh, the wretch! + +"I'm sure he's very good-looking," said Lucy, simply. + +Lady Gorgon darted at her an angry look, and was about to say +something very contemptuous, when, at that instant, John Perkins's +shout taking effect, Master George Augustus Frederick Grimsby +Gorgon, not knowing better, incontinently raised a small shout on +his side. + +"Hear! good! bravo!" exclaimed he; "Scully for ever! Hurra-a-a-ay!" +and fell skipping about like the Whigs opposite. + +"Silence, you brute you!" groaned Lady Gorgon; and seizing him by +the shirt-frill and coat-collar, carried him away to his nurse, who, +with many other maids of the Whig and Tory parties, stood giggling +and peeping at the landing-place. + +Fancy how all these small incidents augmented the heap of Lady +Gorgon's anger and injuries! She was a dull phlegmatic woman for +the most part, and contented herself generally with merely despising +her neighbours; but oh! what a fine active hatred raged in her bosom +for victorious Scully! At this moment Mr. Perkins had finished +shaking hands with his Napoleon--Napoleon seemed bent upon some +tremendous enterprise. He was looking at Lady Gorgon very hard. + +"She's a fine woman," said Scully, thoughtfully; he was still +holding the hand of Perkins. And then, after a pause, "Gad! I think +I'll try." + +"Try what, sir?" + +"She's a DEUCED fine woman!" burst out again the tender solicitor. +"I WILL go. Springer, tell the fiddlers to strike up." + +Springer scuttled across the room, and gave the leader of the band a +knowing nod. Suddenly, "God save the King" ceased, and "Sir Roger +de Coverley" began. The rival forces eyed each other; Mr. Scully, +accompanied by his friend, came forward, looking very red, and +fumbling two large kid gloves. + +"HE'S GOING TO ASK ME TO DANCE," hissed out Lady Gorgon, with a +dreadful intuition, and she drew back behind her lord. + +"D--- it, madam, THEN DANCE with him!" said the General. "Don't you +see that the scoundrel is carrying it all his own way! ----- him! +and ----- him! and ----- him!" (All of which dashes the reader may +fill up with oaths of such strength as may be requisite). + +"General!" cried Lady Gorgon, but could say no more. Scully was +before her. + +"Madam!" exclaimed the Liberal Member for Oldborough, "in a moment +like this--I say--that is--that on the present occasion--your +Ladyship--unaccustomed as I am--pooh, psha--WILL your Ladyship give +me the distinguished honour and pleasure of going down the +country-dance with your Ladyship?" + +An immense heave of her Ladyship's ample chest was perceptible. +Yards of blond lace, which might be compared to a foam of the sea, +were agitated at the same moment, and by the same mighty emotion. +The river of diamonds which flowed round her Ladyship's neck, seemed +to swell and to shine more than ever. The tall plumes on her +ambrosial head bowed down beneath the storm. In other words, Lady +Gorgon, in a furious rage, which she was compelled to restrain, +trembled, drew up, and bowing majestically, said,-- + +"Sir, I shall have much pleasure." With this, she extended her +hand. Scully, trembling, thrust forward one of his huge kid-gloves, +and led her to the head of the country-dance. John Perkins--who I +presume had been drinking pretty freely, so as to have forgotten his +ordinary bashfulness--looked at the three Gorgons in blue, then at +the pretty smiling one in white, and stepping up to her, without the +smallest hesitation, asked her if she would dance with him. + +The young lady smilingly agreed. The great example of Scully and +Lady Gorgon was followed by all dancing men and women. Political +enmities were forgotten. Whig voters invited Tory voters' wives to +the dance. The daughters of Reform accepted the hands of the sons +of Conservatism. The reconciliation of the Romans and Sabines was +not more touching than this sweet fusion. Whack--whack! Springer +clapped his hands; and the fiddlers adroitly obeying the cheerful +signal, began playing "Sir Roger de Coverley" louder than ever. + +I do not know by what extraordinary charm (nescio qua praeter +solitum, etc.), but young Perkins, who all his life had hated +country-dances, was delighted with this one, and skipped and +laughed, poussetting, crossing, down-the-middling, with his merry +little partner, till every one of the bettermost sort of the +thirty-nine couples had dropped panting away, and till the youngest +Miss Gorgon, coming up to his partner, said in a loud hissing +scornful whisper, "Lucy, Mamma thinks you have danced quite enough +with this--this person." And Lucy, blushing, starting back, and +looking at Perkins in a very melancholy way, made him a little +curtsey, and went off to the Gorgonian party with her cousin. +Perkins was too frightened to lead her back to her place--too +frightened at first, and then too angry. "Person!" said he: his +soul swelled with a desperate republicanism: he went back to his +patron more of a Radical than ever. + +He found that gentleman in the solitary tea-room, pacing up and down +before the observant landlady and handmaidens of the "Gorgon Arms," +wiping his brows, gnawing his fingers--his ears looming over his +stiff white shirt-collar as red as fire. Once more the great man +seized John Perkins's hand as the latter came up. + +"D----- the aristocrats!" roared the ex-follower of Squaretoes. + +"And so say I! but what's the matter, sir?" + +"What's the matter?--Why, that woman--that infernal, haughty, +straitlaced, cold-blooded brewer's daughter! I loved that woman, +sir--I KISSED that woman, sir, twenty years ago: we were all but +engaged, sir: we've walked for hours and hours, sir--us and the +governess--I've got a lock of her hair, sir, among my papers now; +and to-night, would you believe it?--as soon as she got to the +bottom of the set, away she went--not one word would she speak to me +all the way down: and when I wanted to lead her to her place, and +asked her if she would have a glass of negus, 'Sir,' says she, 'I +have done my duty; I bear no malice: but I consider you a traitor +to Sir George Gorgon's family--a traitor and an upstart! I consider +your speaking to me as a piece of insolent vulgarity, and beg you +will leave me to myself!' There's her speech, sir. Twenty people +heard it, and all of her Tory set too. I'll tell you what, Jack: +at the next election I'll put YOU up. Oh that woman! that woman!- +-and to think that I love her still!" Here Mr. Scully paused, and +fiercely consoled himself by swallowing three cups of Mrs. Rincer's +green tea. + +The fact is, that Lady Gorgon's passion had completely got the +better of her reason. Her Ladyship was naturally cold, and +artificially extremely squeamish; and when this great red-faced +enemy of hers looked tenderly at her through his red little eyes, +and squeezed her hand and attempted to renew old acquaintance, she +felt such an intolerable disgust at his triumph, at his familiarity, +and at the remembrance of her own former liking for him, that she +gave utterance to the speech above correctly reported. The Tories +were delighted with her spirit, and Cornet Fitch, with much glee, +told the story to the General; but that officer, who was at whist +with some of his friends, flung down his cards, and coming up to his +lady, said briefly,-- + +"Madam, you are a fool!" + +"I will NOT stay here to be bearded by that disgusting man!--Mr. +Fitch, call my people.--Henrietta, bring Miss Lucy from that +linendraper with whom she is dancing. I will not stay, General, +once for all." + +Henrietta ran--she hated her cousin: Cornet Fitch was departing. +"Stop, Fitch," said Sir George, seizing him by the arm. "You are a +fool, Lady Gorgon," said he, "and I repeat it--a ----- fool! This +fellow Scully is carrying all before him: he has talked with +everybody, laughed with everybody--and you, with your infernal +airs--a brewer's daughter, by -----, must sit like a queen and not +speak to a soul! You've lost me one seat of my borough, with your +infernal pride--fifteen hundred a year, by Jove!--and you think you +will bully me out of another. No, madam, you SHALL stay, and stay +supper too;--and the girls shall dance with every cursed +chimney-sweep and butcher in the room: they shall--confound me!" + +Her Ladyship saw that it was necessary to submit; and Mr. Springer, +the master of the ceremonies, was called, and requested to point out +some eligible partners for the young ladies. One went off with a +Whig auctioneer; another figured in a quadrille with a very Liberal +apothecary; and the third, Miss Henrietta, remained. + +"Hallo you, sir!" roared the little General to John Perkins, who was +passing by. John turned round and faced him. + +"You were dancing with my niece just now--show us your skill now, +and dance with one of my daughters. Stand up, Miss Henrietta +Gorgon--Mr. What's-your-name?" + +"My name," said John, with marked and majestic emphasis, "is +PERKINS." And he looked towards Lucy, who dared not look again. + +"Miss Gorgon--Mr. Perkins. There, now go and dance." + +"Mr. Perkins regrets, madam," said John, making a bow to Miss +Henrietta, "that he is not able to dance this evening. I am this +moment obliged to look to the supper; but you will find, no doubt, +some other PERSON who will have much pleasure." + +"Go to -----, sir!" screamed the General, starting up, and shaking +his cane. + +"Calm yourself, dearest George," said Lady Gorgon, clinging fondly +to him. Fitch twiddled his moustaches. Miss Henrietta Gorgon +stared with open mouth. The silks of the surrounding dowagers +rustled--the countenances of all looked grave. + +"I will follow you, sir, wherever you please; and you may hear of me +whenever you like," said Mr. Perkins, bowing and retiring. He heard +little Lucy sobbing in a corner. He was lost at once--lost in love; +he felt as if he could combat fifty generals! he never was so happy +in his life. + +The supper came; but as that meal cost five shillings a head, +General Gorgon dismissed the four spinsters of his family homewards +in the carriage, and so saved himself a pound. This added to Jack +Perkins's wrath; he had hoped to have seen Miss Lucy once more. He +was a steward, and, in the General's teeth, would have done his +duty. He was thinking how he would have helped her to the most +delicate chicken-wings and blancmanges, how he WOULD have made her +take champagne. Under the noses of indignant aunt and uncle, what +glorious fun it would have been! + +Out of place as Mr. Scully's present was, and though Lady Gorgon and +her party sneered at the vulgar notion of venison and turtle for +supper, all the world at Oldborough ate very greedily of those two +substantial dishes; and the Mayor's wife became from that day forth +a mortal enemy of the Gorgons: for, sitting near her Ladyship, who +refused the proffered soup and meat, the Mayoress thought herself +obliged to follow this disagreeable example. She sent away the +plate of turtle with a sigh, saying, however, to the baronet's lady, +"I thought, mem, that the LORD MAYOR OF LONDON always had turtle to +his supper?" + +"And what if he didn't, Biddy?" said his Honour the Mayor; "a good +thing's a good thing, and here goes!" wherewith he plunged his spoon +into the savoury mess. The Mayoress, as we have said, dared not; +but she hated Lady Gorgon, and remembered it at the next election. + +The pride, in fact, and insolence of the Gorgon party rendered every +person in the room hostile to them; so soon as, gorged with meat, +they began to find that courage which Britons invariably derive from +their victuals. The show of the Gorgon plate seemed to offend the +people. The Gorgon champagne was a long time, too, in making its +appearance. Arrive, however, it did. The people were waiting for +it; the young ladies, not accustomed to that drink, declined +pledging their admirers until it was produced; the men, too, +despised the bucellas and sherry, and were looking continually +towards the door. At last, Mr. Rincer, the landlord, Mr. Hock, Sir +George's butler, and sundry others entered the room. Bang! went the +corks--fizz the foamy liquor sparkled into all sorts of glasses that +were held out for its reception. Mr. Hock helped Sir George and his +party, who drank with great gusto; the wine which was administered +to the persons immediately around Mr. Scully was likewise pronounced +to be good. But Mr. Perkins, who had taken his seat among the +humbler individuals, and in the very middle of the table, observed +that all these persons, after drinking, made to each other very wry +and ominous faces, and whispered much. He tasted his wine: it was +a villanous compound of sugar, vitriol, soda-water, and green +gooseberries. At this moment a great clatter of forks was made by +the president's and vice-president's party. Silence for a +toast--'twas silence all. + +"Landlord," said Mr. Perkins, starting up (the rogue, where did his +impudence come from?) "have you any champagne of YOUR OWN?" + +"Silence! down!" roared the Tories, the ladies looking aghast. +"Silence, sit down you!" shrieked the well-known voice of the +General. + +"I beg your pardon, General," said young John Perkins; "but where +COULD you have bought this champagne? My worthy friend I know is +going to propose the ladies; let us at any rate drink such a toast +in good wine." ("Hear, hear!") "Drink her Ladyship's health in +THIS stuff? I declare to goodness I would sooner drink it in beer!" + +No pen can describe the uproar which arose: the anguish of the +Gorgonites--the shrieks, jeers, cheers, ironic cries of "Swipes!" +etc., which proceeded from the less genteel but more enthusiastic +Scullyites. + +"This vulgarity is too much," said Lady Gorgon, rising; and Mrs. +Mayoress and the ladies of the party did so too. + +The General, two squires, the clergyman, the Gorgon apothecary and +attorney, with their respective ladies, followed her: they were +plainly beaten from the field. Such of the Tories as dared +remained, and in inglorious compromise shared the jovial Whig feast. + +"Gentlemen and ladies," hiccupped Mr. Heeltap, "I'll give you a +toast. 'Champagne to our real--hic--friends,' no, 'Real champagne +to our friends,' and--hic--pooh! 'Champagne to our friends, and real +pain to our enemies,'--huzzay!" + +The Scully faction on this day bore the victory away, and if the +polite reader has been shocked by certain vulgarities on the part of +Mr. Scully and his friends, he must remember imprimis that +Oldborough was an inconsiderable place--that the inhabitants thereof +were chiefly tradespeople, not of refined habits--that Mr. Scully +himself had only for three months mingled among the aristocracy- +-that his young friend Perkins was violently angry--and finally, and +to conclude, that the proud vulgarity of the great Sir George Gorgon +and his family was infinitely more odious and contemptible than the +mean vulgarity of the Scullyites and their leader. + +Immediately after this event, Mr. Scully and his young friend +Perkins returned to town; the latter to his garrets in Bedford Row-- +the former to his apartments on the first floor of the same house. +He lived here to superintend his legal business: his London agents, +Messrs. Higgs, Biggs, and Blatherwick, occupying the ground floor; +the junior partner, Mr. Gustavus Blatherwick, the second flat of the +house. Scully made no secret of his profession or residence: he +was an attorney, and proud of it; he was the grandson of a labourer, +and thanked God for it; he had made his fortune by his own honest +labour, and why should he be ashamed of it? + +And now, having explained at full length who the several heroes and +heroines of this history were, and how they conducted themselves in +the country, let us describe their behaviour in London, and the +great events which occurred there. + +You must know that Mr. Perkins bore away the tenderest recollections +of the young lady with whom he had danced at the Oldborough ball, +and, having taken particular care to find out where she dwelt when +in the metropolis, managed soon to become acquainted with Aunt +Biggs, and made himself so amiable to that lady, that she begged he +would pass all his disengaged evenings at her lodgings in Caroline +Place. Mrs. Biggs was perfectly aware that the young gentleman did +not come for her bohea and muffins, so much as for the sweeter +conversation of her niece, Miss Gorgon; but seeing that these two +young people were of an age when ideas of love and marriage will +spring up, do what you will; seeing that her niece had a fortune, +and Mr. Perkins had the prospect of a place, and was moreover a very +amiable and well-disposed young fellow, she thought her niece could +not do better than marry him; and Miss Gorgon thought so too. Now +the public will be able to understand the meaning of that important +conversation which is recorded at the very commencement of this +history. + +Lady Gorgon and her family were likewise in town; but, when in the +metropolis, they never took notice of their relative, Miss Lucy: +the idea of acknowledging an ex-schoolmistress living in +Mecklenburgh Square being much too preposterous for a person of my +Lady Gorgon's breeding and fashion. She did not, therefore, know of +the progress which sly Perkins was making all this while; for Lucy +Gorgon did not think it was at all necessary to inform her Ladyship +how deeply she was smitten by the wicked young gentleman who had +made all the disturbance at the Oldborough ball. + +The intimacy of these young persons had, in fact, become so close, +that on a certain sunshiny Sunday in December, after having +accompanied Aunt Biggs to church, they had pursued their walk as far +as that rendezvous of lovers, the Regent's Park, and were talking of +their coming marriage, with much confidential tenderness, before the +bears in the Zoological Gardens. + +Miss Lucy was ever and anon feeding those interesting animals with +buns, to perform which act of charity she had clambered up on the +parapet which surrounds their den. Mr. Perkins was below; and Miss +Lucy, having distributed her buns, was on the point of +following,--but whether from timidity, or whether from a desire to +do young Perkins an essential service, I know not: however, she +found herself quite unwilling to jump down unaided. + +"My dearest John," said she, "I never can jump that." + +Whereupon John stepped up, put one hand round Lucy's waist; and as +one of hers gently fell upon his shoulder, Mr. Perkins took the +other and said,-- + +"Now jump." + +Hoop! jump she did, and so excessively active and clever was Mr. +John Perkins, that he jumped Miss Lucy plump into the middle of a +group formed of-- + +Lady Gorgon; +The Misses Gorgon; +Master George Augustus Frederick Grimsby Gorgon; + +And a footman, poodle, and French governess: who had all been for +two or three minutes listening to the billings and cooings of these +imprudent young lovers. + + + +CHAPTER II. + + + +SHOWS HOW THE PLOT BEGAN TO THICKEN IN OR ABOUT BEDFORD ROW. + +"Miss Lucy!" + +"Upon my word!" + +"I'm hanged if it arn't Lucy! How do, Lucy?" uttered Lady, the +Misses, and Master Gorgon in a breath. + +Lucy came forward, bending down her ambrosial curls, and blushing, +as a modest young woman should: for, in truth, the scrape was very +awkward. And as for John Perkins, he made a start, and then a step +forwards, and then two backwards, and then began laying hands upon +his black satin stock--in short, the sun did not shine at that +moment upon a man who looked so exquisitely foolish. + +"Miss Lucy Gorgon, is your aunt--is Mrs. Briggs here?" said Lady +Gorgon, drawing herself up with much state. + +"Mrs. Biggs, Aunt?" said Lucy demurely. + +"Biggs or Briggs, madam, it is not of the slightest consequence. I +presume that persons in my rank of life are not expected to know +everybody's name in Magdeburg Square?" (Lady Gorgon had a house in +Baker Street, and a dismal house it was.) "NOT here," continued +she, rightly interpreting Lucy's silence, "NOT here?--and may I ask +how long is it that young ladies have been allowed to walk abroad +without chaperons, and to--to take a part in such scenes as that +which we have just seen acted?" + +To this question--and indeed it was rather difficult to answer--Miss +Gorgon had no reply. There were the six grey eyes of her cousins +glowering at her; there was George Augustus Frederick examining her +with an air of extreme wonder, Mademoiselle the governess turning +her looks demurely away, and awful Lady Gorgon glancing fiercely at +her in front. Not mentioning the footman and poodle, what could a +poor modest timid girl plead before such an inquisition, especially +when she was clearly guilty? Add to this, that as Lady Gorgon, that +majestic woman, always remarkable for her size and insolence of +demeanour, had planted herself in the middle of the path, and spoke +at the extreme pitch of her voice, many persons walking in the +neighbourhood had heard her Ladyship's speech and stopped, and +seemed disposed to await the rejoinder. + +"For Heaven's sake, Aunt, don't draw a crowd around us," said Lucy, +who, indeed, was glad of the only escape that lay in her power. "I +will tell you of the--of the circumstances of--of my engagement with +this gentleman--with Mr. Perkins," added she, in a softer tone--so +soft that the 'ERKINS was quite inaudible. + +"A Mr. What? An engagement without consulting your guardians!" +screamed her Ladyship. "This must be looked to! Jerningham, call +round my carriage. Mademoiselle, you will have the goodness to walk +home with Master Gorgon, and carry him, if you please, where there +is wet; and, girls, as the day is fine, you will do likewise. +Jerningham, you will attend the young ladies. Miss Gorgon, I will +thank you to follow me immediately." And so saying, and looking at +the crowd with ineffable scorn, and at Mr. Perkins not at all, the +lady bustled away forwards, the files of Gorgon daughters and +governess closing round and enveloping poor Lucy, who found herself +carried forward against her will, and in a minute seated in her +aunt's coach, along with that tremendous person. + +Her case was bad enough, but what was it to Perkins's? Fancy his +blank surprise and rage at having his love thus suddenly ravished +from him, and his delicious tete-a-tete interrupted. He managed, in +an inconceivably short space of time, to conjure up half-a-million +obstacles to his union. What should he do? he would rush on to +Baker Street, and wait there until his Lucy left Lady Gorgon's +house. + +He could find no vehicle in the Regent's Park, and was in +consequence obliged to make his journey on foot. Of course, he +nearly killed himself with running, and ran so quick, that he was +just in time to see the two ladies step out of Lady Gorgon's +carriage at her own house, and to hear Jerningham's fellow-footman +roar to the Gorgonian coachman, "Half-past seven!" at which hour we +are, to this day, convinced that Lady Gorgon was going out to dine. +Mr. Jerningham's associate having banged to the door, with an +insolent look towards Perkins, who was prying in with the most +suspicious and indecent curiosity, retired, exclaiming, "That chap +has a hi to our great-coats, I reckon!" and left John Perkins to +pace the street and be miserable. + +John Perkins then walked resolutely up and down dismal Baker Street, +determined on an eclaircissement. He was for some time occupied in +thinking how it was that the Gorgons were not at church, they who +made such a parade of piety; and John Perkins smiled as he passed +the chapel, and saw that two CHARITY SERMONS were to be preached +that day--and therefore it was that General Gorgon read prayers to +his family at home in the morning. + +Perkins, at last, saw that little General, in blue frock-coat and +spotless buff gloves, saunter scowling home; and half an hour before +his arrival had witnessed the entrance of Jerningham, and the three +gaunt Miss Gorgons, poodle, son-and-heir, and French governess, +protected by him, into Sir George's mansion. + +"Can she be going to stay all night?" mused poor John, after being +on the watch for three hours: when presently, to his inexpressible +delight, he saw a very dirty hackney-coach clatter up to the Gorgon +door, out of which first issued the ruby plush breeches and stalwart +calves of Mr. Jerningham; these were followed by his body, and then +the gentleman, ringing modestly, was admitted. + +Again the door opened: a lady came out, nor was she followed by the +footman, who crossed his legs at the door-post and allowed her to +mount the jingling vehicle as best she might. Mr. Jerningham had +witnessed the scene in the Park Gardens, had listened to the +altercation through the library keyhole, and had been mighty sulky +at being ordered to call a coach for this young woman. He did not +therefore deign to assist her to mount. + +But there was ONE who did! Perkins was by the side of his Lucy: he +had seen her start back and cry, "La, John!"--had felt her squeeze +his arm--had mounted with her into the coach, and then shouted with +a voice of thunder to the coachman, "Caroline Place, Mecklenburgh +Square." + +But Mr. Jerningham would have been much more surprised and puzzled +if he had waited one minute longer, and seen this Mr. Perkins, who +had so gallantly escaladed the hackney-coach, step out of it with +the most mortified, miserable, chap-fallen countenance possible. + +The fact is, he had found poor Lucy sobbing fit to break her heart, +and instead of consoling her, as he expected, he only seemed to +irritate her further: for she said, "Mr. Perkins--I beg--I insist, +that you leave the carriage." And when Perkins made some movement +(which, not being in the vehicle at the time, we have never been +able to comprehend), she suddenly sprang from the back-seat and +began pulling at a large piece of cord which communicated with the +wrist of the gentleman driving; and, screaming to him at the top of +her voice, bade him immediately stop. + +This Mr. Coachman did, with a curious, puzzled, grinning air. + +Perkins descended, and on being asked, "Vere ham I to drive the +young 'oman, sir?" I am sorry to say muttered something like an +oath, and uttered the above-mentioned words, "Caroline Place, +Mecklenburgh Square," in a tone which I should be inclined to +describe as both dogged and sheepish--very different from that +cheery voice which he had used when he first gave the order. + +Poor Lucy, in the course of those fatal three hours which had passed +while Mr. Perkins was pacing up and down Baker Street, had received +a lecture which lasted exactly one hundred and eighty minutes--from +her aunt first, then from her uncle, whom we have seen marching +homewards, and often from both together. + +Sir George Gorgon and his lady poured out such a flood of advice and +abuse against the poor girl, that she came away from the interview +quite timid and cowering; and when she saw John Perkins (the sly +rogue! how well he thought he had managed the trick!) she shrank +from him as if he had been a demon of wickedness, ordered him out of +the carriage, and went home by herself, convinced that she had +committed some tremendous sin. + +While, then, her coach jingled away to Caroline Place, Perkins, once +more alone, bent his steps in the same direction. A desperate, +heart-stricken man, he passed by the beloved's door, saw lights in +the front drawing-room, felt probably that she was there; but he +could not go in. Moodily he paced down Doughty Street, and turning +abruptly into Bedford Row, rushed into his own chambers, where Mrs. +Snooks, the laundress, had prepared his humble Sabbath meal. + +A cheerful fire blazed in his garret, and Mrs. Snooks had prepared +for him the favourite blade-bone he loved (blest four-days' dinner +for a bachelor--roast, cold, hashed, grilled bladebone, the fourth +being better than the first); but although he usually did rejoice in +this meal--ordinarily, indeed, grumbling that there was not enough +to satisfy him--he, on this occasion, after two mouthfuls, flung +down his knife and fork, and buried his two claws in his hair. + +"Snooks," said he at last, very moodily, "remove this d---- mutton, +give me my writing things, and some hot brandy-and-water." + +This was done without much alarm: for you must know that Perkins +used to dabble in poetry, and ordinarily prepare himself for +composition by this kind of stimulus. + +He wrote hastily a few lines. + +"Snooks, put on your bonnet," said he, "and carry this--YOU KNOW +WHERE!" he added, in a hollow, heart-breaking tone of voice, that +affected poor Snooks almost to tears. She went, however, with the +note, which was to this purpose:-- + +"Lucy! Lucy! my soul's love--what, what has happened? I am writing +this"--(a gulp of brandy-and-water)--"in a state bordering on +distraction--madness--insanity"(another). "Why did you send me out +of the coach in that cruel cruel way? Write to me a word, a line-- +tell me, tell me, I may come to you--and leave me not in this +agonising condition; your faithful"(glog--glog--glog--the whole +glass)-- + "J.P." + +He never signed John Perkins in full--he couldn't, it was so +unromantic. + +Well, this missive was despatched by Mrs. Snooks, and Perkins, in a +fearful state of excitement, haggard, wild, and with more +brandy-and-water, awaited the return of his messenger. + +When at length, after about an absence of forty years, as it seemed +to him, the old lady returned with a large packet, Perkins seized it +with a trembling hand, and was yet more frightened to see the +handwriting of Mrs. or Miss Biggs. + +"MY DEAR MR. PERKINS," she began--"Although I am not your soul's +adored, I performed her part for once, since I have read your +letter, as I told her. You need not be very much alarmed, although +Lucy is at this moment in bed and unwell: for the poor girl has had +a sad scene at her grand uncle's house in Baker Street, and came +home very much affected. Rest, however, will restore her, for she +is not one of your nervous sort; and I hope when you come in the +morning, you will see her as blooming as she was when you went out +to-day on that unlucky walk. + +"See what Sir George Gorgon says of us all! You won't challenge +him, I know, as he is to be your uncle, and so I may show you his +letter. + +"Good-night, my dear John. Do not go QUITE distracted before +morning; and believe me your loving aunt, + "JEMIMA BIGGS." + + + "41 BAKER STREET: 11th December. + +"MAJOR-GENERAL SIR GEORGE GORGON has heard with the utmost disgust +and surprise of the engagement which Miss Lucy Gorgon has thought +fit to form. + +"The Major-General cannot conceal his indignation at the share which +Miss Biggs has taken in this disgraceful transaction. + +"Sir George Gorgon puts an absolute veto upon all further +communication between his niece and the low-born adventurer who has +been admitted into her society, and begs to say that Lieutenant +Fitch, of the Lifeguards, is the gentleman who he intends shall +marry Miss Gorgon. + +"It is the Major-General's wish, that on the 28th Miss Gorgon should +be ready to come to his house, in Baker Street, where she will be +more safe from impertinent intrusions than she has been in +Mucklebury Square. + + "MRS. BIGGS, + "Caroline Place, + "Mecklenburgh Square." + +When poor John Perkins read this epistle, blank rage and wonder +filled his soul, at the audacity of the little General, who thus, +without the smallest title in the world, pretended to dispose of the +hand and fortune of his niece. The fact is, that Sir George had +such a transcendent notion of his own dignity and station, that it +never for a moment entered his head that his niece, or anybody else +connected with him, should take a single step in life without +previously receiving his orders; and Mr. Fitch, a baronet's son, +having expressed an admiration of Lucy, Sir George had determined +that his suit should be accepted, and really considered Lucy's +preference of another as downright treason. + +John Perkins determined on the death of Fitch as the very least +reparation that should satisfy him; and vowed too that some of the +General's blood should be shed for the words which he had dared to +utter. + +We have said that William Pitt Scully, Esquire, M.P., occupied the +first floor of Mr. Perkins's house in Bedford Row: and the reader +is further to be informed that an immense friendship had sprung up +between these two gentlemen. The fact is, that poor John was very +much flattered by Scully's notice, and began in a very short time to +fancy himself a political personage; for he had made several of +Scully's speeches, written more than one letter from him to his +constituents, and, in a word, acted as his gratis clerk. At least a +guinea a week did Mr. Perkins save to the pockets of Mr. Scully, and +with hearty good will too, for he adored the great William Pitt, and +believed every word that dropped from the pompous lips of that +gentleman. + +Well, after having discussed Sir George Gorgon's letter, poor +Perkins, in the utmost fury of mind that his darling should be +slandered so, feeling a desire for fresh air, determined to descend +to the garden and smoke a cigar in that rural quiet spot. The night +was very calm. The moonbeams slept softly upon the herbage of +Gray's Inn gardens, and bathed with silver splendour Theobald's Row. +A million of little frisky twinkling stars attended their queen, who +looked with bland round face upon their gambols, as they peeped in +and out from the azure heavens. Along Gray's Inn wall a lazy row of +cabs stood listlessly, for who would call a cab on such a night? +Meanwhile their drivers, at the alehouse near, smoked the short pipe +or quaffed the foaming beer. Perhaps from Gray's Inn Lane some +broken sounds of Irish revelry might rise. Issuing perhaps from +Raymond Buildings gate, six lawyers' clerks might whoop a tipsy +song--or the loud watchman yell the passing hour; but beyond this +all was silence; and young Perkins, as he sat in the summerhouse at +the bottom of the garden, and contemplated the peaceful heaven, felt +some influences of it entering into his soul, and almost forgetting +revenge, thought but of peace and love. + +Presently, he was aware there was someone else pacing the garden. +Who could it be?--Not Blatherwick, for he passed the Sabbath with +his grandmamma at Clapham; not Scully surely, for he always went to +Bethesda Chapel, and to a select prayer-meeting afterwards. Alas! +it WAS Scully; for though that gentleman SAID that he went to +chapel, we have it for a fact that he did not always keep his +promise, and was at this moment employed in rehearsing an extempore +speech, which he proposed to deliver at St. Stephen's. + +"Had I, sir," spouted he, with folded arms, slowly pacing to and +fro--"Had I, sir, entertained the smallest possible intention of +addressing the House on the present occasion--hum, on the present +occasion--I would have endeavoured to prepare myself in a way that +should have at least shown my sense of the greatness of the subject +before the House's consideration, and the nature of the +distinguished audience I have the honour to address. I am, sir, a +plain man--born of the people--myself one of the people, having won, +thank Heaven, an honourable fortune and position by my own honest +labour; and standing here as I do--" + + * * * + +Here Mr. Scully (it may be said that he never made a speech without +bragging about himself: and an excellent plan it is, for people +cannot help believing you at last)--here, I say, Mr. Scully, who had +one arm raised, felt himself suddenly tipped on the shoulder, and +heard a voice saying, "Your money or your life!" + +The honourable gentleman twirled round as if he had been shot; the +papers on which a great part of this impromptu was written dropped +from his lifted hand, and some of them were actually borne on the +air into neighbouring gardens. The man was, in fact, in the direst +fright. + +"It's only I," said Perkins, with rather a forced laugh, when he saw +the effect that his wit had produced. + +"Only you! And pray what the dev--what right have you to--to come +upon a man of my rank in that way, and disturb me in the midst of +very important meditations?" asked Mr. Scully, beginning to grow +fierce. + +"I want your advice," said Perkins, "on a matter of the very +greatest importance to me. You know my idea of marrying?" + +"Marry!" said Scully; "I thought you had given up that silly scheme. +And how, pray, do you intend to live?" + +"Why, my intended has a couple of hundreds a year, and my clerkship +in the Tape and Sealing-Wax Office will be as much more." + +"Clerkship--Tape and Sealing-Wax Office--Government sinecure!--Why, +good heavens! John Perkins, you don't tell ME that you are going to +accept any such thing?" + +"It is a very small salary, certainly," said John, who had a decent +notion of his own merits; "but consider, six months vacation, two +hours in the day, and those spent over the newspapers. After all, +it's--" + +"After all it's a swindle," roared out Mr. Scully--"a swindle upon +the country; an infamous tax upon the people, who starve that you +may fatten in idleness. But take this clerkship in the Tape and +Sealing-Wax Office," continued the patriot, his bosom heaving with +noble indignation, and his eye flashing the purest fire,--"TAKE this +clerkship, John Perkins, and sanction tyranny, by becoming one of +its agents; sanction dishonesty by sharing in its plunder--do this, +BUT never more be friend of mine. Had I a child," said the patriot, +clasping his hands and raising his eyes to heaven, "I would rather +see him dead, sir--dead, dead at my feet, than the servant of a +Government which all honest men despise." And here, giving a +searching glance at Perkins, Mr. Scully began tramping up and down +the garden in a perfect fury. + +"Good heavens!" exclaimed the timid John Perkins--"don't say SO. My +dear Mr. Scully, I'm not the dishonest character you suppose me to +be--I never looked at the matter in this light. I'll--I'll consider +of it. I'll tell Crampton that I will give up the place; but for +Heaven's sake, don't let me forfeit YOUR friendship, which is dearer +to me than any place in the world." + +Mr. Scully pressed his hand, and said nothing; and though their +interview lasted a full half-hour longer, during which they paced up +and down the gravel walk, we shall not breathe a single syllable of +their conversation, as it has nothing to do with our tale. + +The next morning, after an interview with Miss Lucy, John Perkins, +Esquire, was seen to issue from Mrs. Biggs's house, looking +particularly pale, melancholy, and thoughtful; and he did not stop +until he reached a certain door in Downing Street, where was the +office of a certain great Minister, and the offices of the clerks in +his Lordship's department. + +The head of them was Mr. Josiah Crampton, who has now to be +introduced to the public. He was a little old gentleman, some sixty +years of age, maternal uncle to John Perkins; a bachelor, who had +been about forty-two years employed in the department of which he +was now the head. + +After waiting four hours in an ante-room, where a number of +Irishmen, some newspaper editors, many pompous-looking political +personages asking for the "first lord," a few sauntering clerks, and +numbers of swift active messengers passed to and fro;--after waiting +for four hours, making drawings on the blotting-book, and reading +the Morning Post for that day week, Mr. Perkins was informed that he +might go into his uncle's room, and did so accordingly. + +He found a little hard old gentleman seated at a table covered with +every variety of sealing-wax, blotting-paper, envelopes, +despatch-boxes, green tapers, etc. etc. An immense fire was blazing +in the grate, an immense sheet-almanack hung over that, a screen, +three or four chairs, and a faded Turkey carpet, formed the rest of +the furniture of this remarkable room--which I have described thus +particularly, because in the course of a long official life, I have +remarked that such is the invariable decoration of political rooms. + +"Well, John," said the little hard old gentleman, pointing to an +arm-chair, "I'm told you've been here since eleven. Why the deuce +do you come so early?" + +"I had important business," answered Mr. Perkins, stoutly; and as +his uncle looked up with a comical expression of wonder, John began +in a solemn tone to deliver a little speech which he had composed, +and which proved him to be a very worthy, easy, silly fellow. + +"Sir," said Mr. Perkins, "you have known for some time past the +nature of my political opinions, and the intimacy which I have had +the honour to form with one--with some of the leading members of the +Liberal party." (A grin from Mr. Crampton.) "When first, by your +kindness, I was promised the clerkship in the Tape and Sealing-Wax +Office, my opinions were not formed as they are now; and having +taken the advice of the gentlemen with whom I act,"--(an enormous +grin)--"the advice, I say, of the gentlemen with whom I act, and the +counsel likewise of my own conscience, I am compelled, with the +deepest grief, to say, my dear uncle, that I--I--" + +"That you--what, sir?" exclaimed little Mr. Crampton, bouncing off +his chair. "You don't mean to say that you are such a fool as to +decline the place?" + +"I do decline the place," said Perkins, whose blood rose at the word +"fool." "As a man of honour, I cannot take it." + +"Not take it! and how are you to live? On the rent of that house of +yours? For, by gad, sir, if you give up the clerkship, I never will +give you a shilling." + +"It cannot be helped," said Mr. Perkins, looking as much like a +martyr as he possibly could, and thinking himself a very fine +fellow. "I have talents, sir, which I hope to cultivate; and am +member of a profession by which a man may hope to rise to the very +highest offices of the State." + +"Profession, talents, offices of the State! Are you mad, John +Perkins, that you come to me with such insufferable twaddle as this? +Why, do you think if you HAD been capable of rising at the bar, I +would have taken so much trouble about getting you a place? No, +sir; you are too fond of pleasure, and bed, and tea-parties, and +small-talk, and reading novels, and playing the flute, and writing +sonnets. You would no more rise at the bar than my messenger, sir. +It was because I knew your disposition--that hopeless, careless, +irresolute good-humour of yours--that I had determined to keep you +out of danger, by placing you in a snug shelter, where the storms of +the world would not come near you. You must have principles +forsooth! and you must marry Miss Gorgon, of course: and by the +time you have gone ten circuits, and had six children, you will have +eaten up every shilling of your wife's fortune, and be as briefless +as you are now. Who the deuce has put all this nonsense into your +head? I think I know." + +Mr. Perkins's ears tingled as these hard words saluted them; and he +scarcely knew whether he ought to knock his uncle down, or fall at +his feet and say, "Uncle, I have been a, fool, and I know it." The +fact is, that in his interview with Miss Gorgon and her aunt in the +morning, when he came to tell them of the resolution he had formed +to give up the place, both the ladies and John himself had agreed, +with a thousand rapturous tears and exclamations, that he was one of +the noblest young men that ever lived, had acted as became himself, +and might with perfect propriety give up the place, his talents +being so prodigious that no power on earth could hinder him from +being Lord Chancellor. Indeed, John and Lucy had always thought the +clerkship quite beneath him, and were not a little glad, perhaps, at +finding a pretext for decently refusing it. But as Perkins was a +young gentleman whose candour was such that he was always swayed by +the opinions of the last speaker, he did begin to feel now the truth +of his uncle's statements, however disagreeable they might be. + +Mr. Crampton continued:-- + +"I think I know the cause of your patriotism. Has not William Pitt +Scully, Esquire, had something to do with it?" + +Mr. Perkins COULD not turn any redder than he was, but confessed +with deep humiliation that "he HAD consulted Mr. Scully among other +friends." + +Mr. Crampton smiled--drew a letter from a heap before him, and +tearing off the signature, handed over the document to his nephew. +It contained the following paragraphs:-- + +"Hawksby has sounded Scully: we can have him any day we want him. +He talks very big at present, and says he would not take anything +under a. . . This is absurd. He has a Yorkshire nephew coming up +to town, and wants a place for him. There is one vacant in the Tape +Office, he says: have you not a promise of it?" + +"I can't--I can't believe it," said John; "this, sir, is some weak +invention of the enemy. Scully is the most honourable man +breathing." + +"Mr. Scully is a gentleman in a very fair way to make a fortune," +answered Mr. Crampton. "Look you, John--it is just as well for your +sake that I should give you the news a few weeks before the papers, +for I don't want you to be ruined, if I can help it, as I don't wish +to have you on my hands. We know all the particulars of Scully's +history. He was a Tory attorney at Oldborough; he was jilted by the +present Lady Gorgon, turned Radical, and fought Sir George in his +own borough. Sir George would have had the peerage he is dying for, +had he not lost that second seat (by-the-by, my Lady will be here in +five minutes), and Scully is now quite firm there. Well, my dear +lad, we have bought your incorruptible Scully. Look here,"--and Mr. +Crampton produced three Morning Posts. + +"'THE HONOURABLE HENRY HAWKSBY'S DINNER-PARTY.--Lord So-and-So--Duke +of So-and-So--W. Pitt Scully, Esq. M.P.' + +"Hawksby is our neutral, our dinner-giver. + +"'LADY DIANA DOLDRUM'S ROUT.--W. Pitt Scully, Esq,' again. + +"'THE EARL OF MANTRAP'S GRAND DINNER.'--A Duke--four Lords--'Mr. +Scully, and Sir George Gorgon.'" + +"Well, but I don't see how you have bought him; look at his votes." + +"My dear John," said Mr. Crampton, jingling his watch-seals very +complacently, "I am letting you into fearful secrets. The great +common end of party is to buy your opponents--the great statesman +buys them for nothing." + +Here the attendant genius of Mr. Crampton made his appearance, and +whispered something, to which the little gentleman said, "Show her +Ladyship in,"--when the attendant disappeared. + +"John," said Mr. Crampton, with a very queer smile, "you can't stay +in this room while Lady Gorgon is with me; but there is a little +clerk's room behind the screen there, where you can wait until I +call you." + +John retired, and as he closed the door of communication, strange to +say, little Mr. Crampton sprang up and said, "Confound the young +ninny, he has shut the door!" + +Mr. Crampton then, remembering that he wanted a map in the next +room, sprang into it, left the door half open in coming out, and was +in time to receive Her Ladyship with smiling face as she, ushered by +Mr. Strongitharm, majestically sailed in. + + + +CHAPTER III. + + + +BEHIND THE SCENES. + +In issuing from and leaving open the door of the inner room, Mr. +Crampton had bestowed upon Mr. Perkins a look so peculiarly arch, +that even he, simple as he was, began to imagine that some mystery +was about to be cleared up, or some mighty matter to be discussed. +Presently he heard the well-known voice of Lady Gorgon in +conversation with his uncle. What could their talk be about? Mr. +Perkins was dying to know, and--shall we say it?--advanced to the +door on tiptoe and listened with all his might. + +Her Ladyship, that Juno of a woman, if she had not borrowed Venus's +girdle to render herself irresistible, at least had adopted a +tender, coaxing, wheedling, frisky tone, quite different from her +ordinary dignified style of conversation. She called Mr. Crampton a +naughty man, for neglecting his old friends, vowed that Sir George +was quite hurt at his not coming to dine--nor fixing a day when he +would come--and added, with a most engaging ogle, that she had three +fine girls at home, who would perhaps make an evening pass +pleasantly, even to such a gay bachelor as Mr. Crampton. + +"Madam," said he, with much gravity, "the daughters of such a mother +must be charming; but I, who have seen your Ladyship, am, alas! +proof against even them." + +Both parties here heaved tremendous sighs and affected to be +wonderfully unhappy about something. + +"I wish," after a pause, said Lady Gorgon--"I wish, dear Mr. +Crampton, you would not use that odious title 'my Ladyship:' you +know it always makes me melancholy." + +"Melancholy, my dear Lady Gorgon; and why?" + +"Because it makes me think of another title that ought to have been +mine--ours (I speak for dear Sir George's and my darling boy's sake, +Heaven knows, not mine). What a sad disappointment it has been to +my husband, that after all his services, all the promises he has +had, they have never given him his peerage. As for me, you know--" + +"For you, my dear madam, I know quite well that you care for no such +bauble as a coronet, except in so far as it may confer honour upon +those most dear to you--excellent wife and noble mother as you are. +Heigho! what a happy man is Sir George!" + +Here there was another pause, and if Mr. Perkins could have seen +what was taking place behind the screen, he would have beheld little +Mr. Crampton looking into Lady Gorgon's face, with as love-sick a +Romeo-gaze as he could possibly counterfeit; while her Ladyship, +blushing somewhat and turning her own grey gogglers up to heaven, +received all his words for gospel, and sat fancying herself to be +the best, most meritorious, and most beautiful creature in the three +kingdoms. + +"You men are terrible flatterers," continued she; "but you say +right: for myself I value not these empty distinctions. I am +growing old, Mr. Crampton,--yes, indeed, I am, although you smile so +incredulously,--and let me add, that MY thoughts are fixed upon +HIGHER things than earthly crowns. But tell me, you who are all in +all with Lord Bagwig, are we never to have our peerage? His +Majesty, I know, is not averse; the services of dear Sir George to a +member of His Majesty's august family, I know, have been appreciated +in the highest quarter. Ever since the peace we have had a promise. +Four hundred pounds has Sir George spent at the Heralds' Office (I +myself am of one of the most ancient families in the kingdom, Mr. +Crampton), and the poor dear man's health is really ruined by the +anxious sickening feeling of hope so long delayed." + +Mr. Crampton now assumed an air of much solemnity. + +"My dear Lady Gorgon," said he, "will you let me be frank with you, +and will you promise solemnly that what I am going to tell you shall +never be repeated to a single soul?" + +Lady Gorgon promised. + +"Well, then, since the truth you must know, you yourselves have been +in part the cause of the delay of which you complain. You gave us +two votes five years ago; you now only give us one. If Sir George +were to go up to the Peers, we should lose even that one vote; and +would it be common sense in us to incur such a loss? Mr. Scully, +the Liberal, would return another Member of his own way of thinking; +and as for the Lords, we have, you know, a majority there." + +"Oh, that horrid man!" said Lady Gorgon, cursing Mr. Scully in her +heart, and beginning to play a rapid tattoo with her feet, "that +miscreant, that traitor, that--that attorney has been our ruin." + +"Horrid man, if you please, but give me leave to tell you that the +horrid man is not the sole cause of your ruin--if ruin you will call +it. I am sorry to say that I do candidly think Ministers believe +that Sir George Gorgon has lost his influence in Oldborough as much +through his own fault as through Mr. Scully's cleverness." + +"Our own fault! Good heavens! Have we not done +everything--everything that persons of our station in the county +could do, to keep those misguided men? Have we not remonstrated, +threatened, taken away our custom from the Mayor, established a +Conservative apothecary--in fact, done all that gentlemen could do? +But these are such times, Mr. Crampton: the spirit of revolution is +abroad, and the great families of England are menaced by democratic +insolence." + +This was Sir George Gorgon's speech always after dinner, and was +delivered by his lady with a great deal of stateliness. Somewhat, +perhaps, to her annoyance, Mr. Crampton only smiled, shook his head, +and said-- + +"Nonsense, my dear Lady Gorgon--pardon the phrase, but I am a plain +old man, and call things by their names. Now, will you let me +whisper in your ear one word of truth? You have tried all sorts of +remonstrances, and exerted yourself to maintain your influence in +every way, except the right one, and that is--" + +"What, in Heaven's name?" + +"Conciliation. We know your situation in the borough. Mr. Scully's +whole history, and, pardon me for saying so (but we men in office +know everything), yours--" + +Lady Gorgon's ears and cheeks now assumed the hottest hue of +crimson. She thought of her former passages with Scully, and of the +days when--but never mind when: for she suffered her veil to fall, +and buried her head in the folds of her handkerchief. Vain folds! +The wily little Mr. Crampton could see all that passed behind the +cambric, and continued-- + +"Yes, madam, we know the absurd hopes that were formed by a certain +attorney twenty years since. We know how, up to this moment, he +boasts of certain walks--" + +"With the governess--we were always with the governess!" shrieked +out Lady Gorgon, clasping her hands. "She was not the wisest of +women." + +"With the governess, of course," said Mr. Crampton, firmly. "Do you +suppose that any man dare breathe a syllable against your spotless +reputation? Never, my dear madam; but what I would urge is this- +-you have treated your disappointed admirer too cruelly." + +"What! the traitor who has robbed us of our rights?" + +"He never would have robbed you of your rights if you had been more +kind to him. You should be gentle, madam; you should forgive him- +-you should be friends with him." + +"With a traitor, never!" + +"Think what made him a traitor, Lady Gorgon; look in your glass, and +say if there be not some excuse for him? Think of the feelings of +the man who saw beauty such as yours--I am a plain man and must +speak--virtue such as yours, in the possession of a rival. By +heavens, madam, I think he was RIGHT to hate Sir George Gorgon! +Would you have him allow such a prize to be ravished from him +without a pang on his part?" + +"He was, I believe, very much attached to me," said Lady Gorgon, +quite delighted; "but you must be aware that a young man of his +station in life could not look up to a person of my rank." + +"Surely not: it was monstrous pride and arrogance in Mr. Scully. +But que voulez-vous? Such is the world's way. Scully could not +help loving you--who that knows you can? I am a plain man, and say +what I think. He loves you still. Why make an enemy of him, who +would at a word be at your feet? Dearest Lady Gorgon, listen to me. +Sir George Gorgon and Mr. Scully have already met--their meeting was +our contrivance. It is for our interest, for yours, that they +should be friends. If there were two Ministerial Members for +Oldborough, do you think your husband's peerage would be less +secure? I am not at liberty to tell you all I know on this subject; +but do, I entreat you, be reconciled to him." + +And after a little more conversation, which was carried on by Mr. +Crampton in the same tender way, this important interview closed, +and Lady Gorgon, folding her shawl round her, threaded certain +mysterious passages and found her way to her carriage in Whitehall. + +"I hope you have not been listening, you rogue?" said Mr. Crampton +to his nephew, who blushed most absurdly by way of answer. "You +would have heard great State secrets, if you had dared to do so. +That woman is perpetually here, and if peerages are to be had for +the asking, she ought to have been a duchess by this time. I would +not have admitted her but for a reason that I have. Go you now and +ponder upon what you have heard and seen. Be on good terms with +Scully, and, above all, speak not a word concerning our +interview--no, not a word even to your mistress. By the way, I +presume, sir, you will recall your resignation?" + +The bewildered Perkins was about to stammer out a speech, when his +uncle, cutting it short, pushed him gently out of the door. + + * * * + +At the period when the important events occurred which have been +recorded here, parties ran very high, and a mighty struggle for the +vacant Speakership was about to come on. The Right Honourable +Robert Pincher was the Ministerial candidate, and Sir Charles +Macabaw was patronised by the Opposition. The two Members for +Oldborough of course took different sides, the baronet being of the +Pincher faction, while Mr. William Pitt Scully strongly supported +the Macabaw party. + +It was Mr. Scully's intention to deliver an impromptu speech upon +the occasion of the election, and he and his faithful Perkins +prepared it between them: for the latter gentleman had wisely kept +his uncle's counsel and his own and Mr. Scully was quite ignorant of +the conspiracy that was brooding. Indeed, so artfully had that +young Machiavel of a Perkins conducted himself, that when asked by +his patron whether he had given up his place in the Tape and Sealing +Wax Office, he replied that "he HAD tendered his resignation," but +did not say one word about having recalled it. + +"You were right, my boy, quite right," said Mr. Scully. "A man of +uncompromising principles should make no compromise." And herewith +he sat down and wrote off a couple of letters, one to Mr. Hawksby, +telling him that the place in the Sealing-Wax Office was, as he had +reason to know, vacant; and the other to his nephew, stating that it +was to be his. "Under the rose, my dear Bob," added Mr. Scully, "it +will cost you five hundred pounds; but you cannot invest your money +better." + +It is needless to state that the affair was to be conducted "with +the strictest secresy and honour," and that the money was to pass +through Mr. Scully's hands. + +While, however, the great Pincher and Macabaw question was yet +undecided, an event occurred to Mr. Scully, which had a great +influence upon his after-life. A second grand banquet was given at +the Earl of Mantrap's: Lady Mantrap requested him to conduct Lady +Gorgon to dinner; and the latter, with a charming timidity, and a +gracious melancholy look into his face (after which her veined +eyelids veiled her azure eyes), put her hand into the trembling one +of Mr. Scully and said as much as looks could say, "Forgive and +forget." + +Down went Scully to dinner. There were dukes on his right hand and +earls on his left; there were but two persons without title in the +midst of that glittering assemblage; the very servants looked like +noblemen. The cook had done wonders; the wines were cool and rich, +and Lady Gorgon was splendid! What attention did everybody pay to +her and to him! Why WOULD she go on gazing into his face with that +tender imploring look? In other words, Scully, after partaking of +soup and fish (he, during their discussion, had been thinking over +all the former love-and-hate passages between himself and Lady +Gorgon), turned very red, and began talking to her. + +"Were you not at the opera on Tuesday?" began he, assuming at once +the airs of a man of fashion. "I thought I caught a glimpse of you +in the Duchess of Diddlebury's box." + +"Opera, Mr. Scully?" (pronouncing the word "Scully" with the utmost +softness). "Ah, no! we seldom go, and yet too often. For serious +persons the enchantments of that place are too dangerous. I am so +nervous--so delicate; the smallest trifle so agitates, depresses, or +irritates me, that I dare not yield myself up to the excitement of +music. I am too passionately attached to it; and, shall I tell you? +it has such a strange influence upon me, that the smallest false +note almost drives me to distraction, and for that very reason I +hardly ever go to a concert or a ball." + +"Egad," thought Scully, "I recollect when she would dance down a +matter of five-and-forty couple, and jingle away at the 'Battle of +Prague' all day." + +She continued: "Don't you recollect, I do, with--oh, what regret!- +-that day at Oldborough race-ball, when I behaved with such sad +rudeness to you? You will scarcely believe me, and yet I assure you +'tis the fact, the music had made me almost mad. Do let me ask your +pardon for my conduct. I was not myself. Oh, Mr. Scully! I am no +worldly woman; I know my duties, and I feel my wrongs. Nights and +days have I lain awake weeping and thinking of that unhappy day- +-that I should ever speak so to an old friend; for we WERE old +friends, were we not?" + +Scully did not speak; but his eyes were bursting out of his head, +and his face was the exact colour of a deputy-lieutenant's uniform. + +"That I should ever forget myself and you so! How I have been +longing for this opportunity to ask you to forgive me! I asked Lady +Mantrap, when I heard you were to be here, to invite me to her +party. Come, I know you will forgive me--your eyes say you will. +You used to look so in old days, and forgive me my caprices THEN. +Do give me a little wine--we will drink to the memory of old days." + +Her eyes filled with tears; and poor Scully's hand caused such a +rattling and trembling of the glass and the decanter that the Duke +of Doldrum--who had been, during the course of this whispered +sentimentality, describing a famous run with the Queen's hounds at +the top of his voice--stopped at the jingling of the glass, and his +tale was lost for ever. Scully hastily drank his wine, and Lady +Gorgon turned round to her next neighbour, a little gentleman in +black, between whom and herself certain conscious looks passed. + +"I am glad poor Sir George is not here," said he, smiling. + +Lady Gorgon said, "Pooh, for shame!" The little gentleman was no +other than Josiah Crampton, Esquire, that eminent financier, and he +was now going through the curious calculation before mentioned, by +which you BUY A MAN FOR NOTHING. He intended to pay the very same +price for Sir George Gorgon, too; but there was no need to tell the +baronet so; only of this the reader must be made aware. + +While Mr. Crampton was conducting this intrigue, which was to bring +a new recruit to the Ministerial ranks, his mighty spirit +condescended to ponder upon subjects of infinitely less importance, +and to arrange plans for the welfare of his nephew and the young +woman to whom he had made a present of his heart. These young +persons, as we said before, had arranged to live in Mr. Perkins's +own house in Bedford Row. It was of a peculiar construction, and +might more properly be called a house and a half: for a snug little +tenement of four chambers protruded from the back of the house into +the garden. These rooms communicated with the drawing-rooms +occupied by Mr. Scully; and Perkins, who acted as his friend and +secretary, used frequently to sit in the one nearest the Member's +study, in order that he might be close at hand to confer with that +great man. The rooms had a private entrance too, were newly +decorated, and in them the young couple proposed to live; the +kitchen and garrets being theirs likewise. What more could they +need? We are obliged to be particular in describing these +apartments, for extraordinary events occurred therein. + +To say the truth, until the present period Mr. Crampton had taken no +great interest in his nephew's marriage, or, indeed, in the young +man himself. The old gentleman was of a saturnine turn, and +inclined to undervalue the qualities of Mr. Perkins, which were +idleness, simplicity, enthusiasm, and easy good-nature. + +"Such fellows never do anything in the world," he would say, and for +such he had accordingly the most profound contempt. But when, after +John Perkins's repeated entreaties, he had been induced to make the +acquaintance of Miss Gorgon, he became instantly charmed with her, +and warmly espoused her cause against her overbearing relations. + +At his suggestion she wrote back to decline Sir George Gorgon's +peremptory invitation, and hinted at the same time that she had +attained an age and a position which enabled her to be the mistress +of her own actions. To this letter there came an answer from Lady +Gorgon which we shall not copy, but which simply stated that Miss +Lucy Gorgon's conduct was unchristian, ungrateful, unladylike, and +immodest; that the Gorgon family disowned her for the future, and +left her at liberty to form whatever base connections she pleased. + +"A pretty world this," said Mr. Crampton, in a great rage, when the +letter was shown to him. "This same fellow, Scully, dissuades my +nephew from taking a place, because Scully wants it for himself. +This prude of a Lady Gorgon cries out shame, and disowns an innocent +amiable girl: she a heartless jilt herself once, and a heartless +flirt now. The Pharisees, the Pharisees! And to call mine a base +family, too!" + +Now, Lady Gorgon did not in the least know Mr. Crampton's connection +with Mr. Perkins, or she would have been much more guarded in her +language; but whether she knew it or not, the old gentleman felt a +huge indignation, and determined to have his revenge. + +"That's right, Uncle! SHALL I call Gorgon out?" said the impetuous +young Perkins, who was all for blood. + +"John, you are a fool," said his uncle. "You shall have a better +revenge: you shall be married from Sir George Gorgon's house, and +you shall see Mr. William Pitt Scully sold for nothing." This to +the veteran diplomatist seemed to be the highest triumph which man +could possibly enjoy. + +It was very soon to take place: and, as has been the case ever +since the world began, woman, lovely woman was to be the cause of +Scully's fall. The tender scene at Lord Mantrap's was followed by +many others equally sentimental. Sir George Gorgon called upon his +colleague the very next day, and brought with him a card from Lady +Gorgon inviting Mr. Scully to dinner. The attorney eagerly accepted +the invitation, was received in Baker Street by the whole amiable +family with much respectful cordiality, and was pressed to repeat +his visits as country neighbours should. More than once did he +call, and somehow always at the hour when Sir George was away at his +club, or riding in the Park, or elsewhere engaged. Sir George +Gorgon was very old, very feeble, very much shattered in +constitution. Lady Gorgon used to impart her fears to Mr. Scully +every time he called there, and the sympathising attorney used to +console her as best he might. Sir George's country agent neglected +the property--his lady consulted Mr. Scully concerning it. He knew +to a fraction how large her jointure was; how she was to have Gorgon +Castle for her life; and how, in the event of the young baronet's +death (he, too, was a sickly poor boy), the chief part of the +estates, bought by her money, would be at her absolute disposal. + +"What a pity these odious politics prevent me from having you for +our agent," would Lady Gorgon say; and indeed Scully thought it was +a pity too. Ambitious Scully! what wild notions filled his brain. +He used to take leave of Lady Gorgon and ruminate upon these things; +and when he was gone, Sir George and her Ladyship used to laugh. + +"If we can but commit him--if we can but make him vote for Pincher," +said the General, "my peerage is secure. Hawksby and Crampton as +good as told me so." + +The point had been urged upon Mr. Scully repeatedly and adroitly. +"Is not Pincher a more experienced man than Macabaw?" would Sir +George say to his guest over their wine. Scully allowed it. "Can't +you vote for him on personal grounds, and say so in the House?" +Scully wished he could--how he wished he could! Every time the +General coughed, Scully saw his friend's desperate situation more +and more, and thought how pleasant it would be to be lord of Gorgon +Castle. "Knowing my property," cried Sir George, "as you do, and +with your talents and integrity, what a comfort it would be could I +leave you as guardian to my boy! But these cursed politics prevent +it, my dear fellow. Why WILL you be a Radical?" And Scully cursed +politics too. "Hang the low-bred rogue," added Sir George, when +William Pitt Scully left the house: "he will do everything but +promise." + +"My dear General," said Lady Gorgon, sidling up to him and patting +him on his old yellow cheek--"My dear Georgy, tell me one +thing,--are you jealous?" + +"Jealous, my dear! and jealous of THAT fellow--pshaw!" + +"Well, then, give me leave, and you shall have the promise +to-morrow." + + * * * + +To-morrow arrived. It was a remarkably fine day, and in the +forenoon Mr. Perkins gave his accustomed knock at Scully's study, +which was only separated from his own sitting-room by a double door. +John had wisely followed his uncle's advice, and was on the best +terms with the honourable Member. + +"Here are a few sentences," said he, "which I think may suit your +purpose. Great public services--undeniable merit--years of +integrity--cause of reform, and Macabaw for ever!" He put down the +paper. It was, in fact, a speech in favour of Mr. Macabaw. + +"Hush," said Scully, rather surlily; for he was thinking how +disagreeable it was to support Macabaw; and besides, there were +clerks in the room, whom the thoughtless Perkins had not at first +perceived. As soon as that gentleman saw them, "You are busy, I +see," continued he in a lower tone. "I came to say that I must be +off duty to-day, for I am engaged to take a walk with some ladies of +my acquaintance." + +So saying, the light-hearted young man placed his hat +unceremoniously on his head, and went off through his own door, +humming a song. He was in such high spirits that he did not even +think of closing the doors of communication, and Scully looked after +him with a sneer. + +"Ladies, forsooth," thought he; "I know who they are. This precious +girl that he is fooling with, for one, I suppose." He was right: +Perkins was off on the wings of love, to see Miss Lucy; and she and +Aunt Biggs and Uncle Crampton had promised this very day to come and +look at the apartments which Mrs. John Perkins was to occupy with +her happy husband. + +"Poor devil," so continued Mr. Scully's meditations, "it is almost +too bad to do him out of his place; but my Bob wants it, and John's +girl has, I hear, seven thousand pounds. His uncle will get him +another place before all that money is spent." And herewith Mr. +Scully began conning the speech which Perkins had made for him. + +He had not read it more than six times,--in truth, he was getting it +by heart,--when his head clerk came to him from the front room, +bearing a card: a footman had brought it, who said his lady was +waiting below. Lady Gorgon's name was on the card! To seize his +hat and rush downstairs was, with Mr. Scully, the work of an +infinitesimal portion of time. + +It was indeed Lady Gorgon in her Gorgonian chariot. + +"Mr. Scully," said she, popping her head out of window and smiling +in a most engaging way, "I want to speak to you, on something very +particular INDEED"--and she held him out her hand. Scully pressed +it most tenderly: he hoped all heads in Bedford Row were at the +windows to see him. "I can't ask you into the carriage, for you see +the governess is with me, and I want to talk secrets to you." + +"Shall I go and make a little promenade?" said mademoiselle, +innocently. And her mistress hated her for that speech. + +"No. Mr. Scully, I am sure, will let me come in for five minutes?" + +Mr. Scully was only too happy. My Lady descended and walked +upstairs, leaning on the happy solicitor's arm. But how should he +manage? The front room was consecrated to clerks; there were clerks +too, as ill-luck would have it, in his private room. "Perkins is +out for the day," thought Scully; "I will take her into his room." +And into Perkins's room he took her--ay, and he shut the double +doors after him too, and trembled as he thought of his own +happiness. + +"What a charming little study," said Lady Gorgon, seating herself. +And indeed it was very pretty: for Perkins had furnished it +beautifully, and laid out a neat tray with cakes, a cold fowl, and +sherry, to entertain his party withal. "And do you bachelors always +live so well?" continued she, pointing to the little cold collation. + +Mr. Scully looked rather blank when he saw it, and a dreadful +suspicion crossed his soul; but there was no need to trouble Lady +Gorgon with explanations: therefore, at once, and with much +presence of mind, he asked her to partake of his bachelor's fare +(she would refuse Mr. Scully nothing that day). A pretty sight +would it have been for young Perkins to see strangers so +unceremoniously devouring his feast. She drank--Mr. Scully +drank--and so emboldened was he by the draught that he actually +seated himself by the side of Lady Gorgon, on John Perkins's new +sofa. + +Her Ladyship had of course something to say to him. She was a pious +woman, and had suddenly conceived a violent wish for building a +chapel of ease at Oldborough, to which she entreated him to +subscribe. She enlarged upon the benefits that the town would +derive from it, spoke of Sunday-schools, sweet spiritual +instruction, and the duty of all well-minded persons to give aid to +the scheme. + +"I will subscribe a hundred pounds," said Scully, at the end of her +Ladyship's harangue: "would I not do anything for you?" + +"Thank you, thank you, dear Mr. Scully," said the enthusiastic +woman. (How the "dear" went burning through his soul!) "Ah!" +added she, "if you WOULD but do anything for me--if you, who are so +eminently, so truly distinguished, in a religious point of view, +would but see the truth in politics too; and if I could see your +name among those of the true patriot party in this empire, how +blest--oh! how blest should I be! Poor Sir George often says he +should go to his grave happy, could he but see you the guardian of +his boy; and I, your old friend (for we WERE friends, William), how +have I wept to think of you as one of those who are bringing our +monarchy to ruin. Do, do promise me this too!" And she took his +hand and pressed it between hers. + +The heart of William Pitt Scully, during this speech, was thumping +up and down with a frightful velocity and strength. His old love, +the agency of the Gorgon property--the dear widow--five thousand a +year clear--a thousand delicious hopes rushed madly through his +brain, and almost took away his reason. And there she sat--she, the +loved one, pressing his hand and looking softly into his eyes. + +Down, down he plumped on his knees. + +"Juliana!" shrieked he, "don't take away your hand! My love--my +only love!--speak but those blessed words again! Call me William +once more, and do with me what you will." + +Juliana cast down her eyes and said, in the very smallest type, +"William!" + + * * * + +--when the door opened, and in walked Mr. Crampton, leading Mrs. +Biggs, who could hardly contain herself for laughing, and Mr. John +Perkins, who was squeezing the arm of Miss Lucy. They had heard +every word of the two last speeches. + +For at the very moment when Lady Gorgon had stopped at Mr. Scully's +door, the four above-named individuals had issued from Great James +Street into Bedford Row. + +Lucy cried out that it was her aunt's carriage, and they all saw Mr. +Scully come out, bare-headed, in the sunshine, and my Lady descend, +and the pair go into the house. They meanwhile entered by Mr. +Perkins's own private door, and had been occupied in examining the +delightful rooms on the ground-floor, which were to be his +dining-room and library--from which they ascended a stair to visit +the other two rooms, which were to form Mrs. John Perkins's drawing- +room and bedroom. Now whether it was that they trod softly, or that +the stairs were covered with a grand new carpet and drugget, as was +the case, or that the party within were too much occupied in +themselves to heed any outward disturbances, I know not; but Lucy, +who was advancing with John (he was saying something about one of +the apartments, the rogue!)--Lucy started and whispered, "There is +somebody in the rooms!" and at that instant began the speech already +reported, "THANK YOU, THANK YOU, DEAR MR. SCULLY," etc. etc., which +was delivered by Lady Gorgon in a full clear voice; for, to do her +Ladyship justice, SHE had not one single grain of love for Mr. +Scully, and during the delivery of her little oration, was as cool +as the coolest cucumber. + +Then began the impassioned rejoinder, to which the four listened on +the landing-place; and then the little "William," as narrated above: +at which juncture Mr. Crampton thought proper to rattle at the door, +and, after a brief pause, to enter with his party. + +"William" had had time to bounce off his knees, and was on a chair +at the other end of the room. + +"What, Lady Gorgon!" said Mr. Crampton, with excellent surprise, +"how delighted I am to see you! Always, I see employed in works of +charity" (the chapel-of-ease paper was on her knees), "and on such +an occasion, too,--it is really the most wonderful coincidence! My +dear madam, here is a silly fellow, a nephew of mine, who is going +to marry a silly girl, a niece of your own." + +"Sir, I--" began Lady Gorgon, rising. + +"They heard every word," whispered Mr. Crampton eagerly. "Come +forward, Mr. Perkins, and show yourself." Mr. Perkins made a +genteel bow. "Miss Lucy, please to shake hands with your aunt; and +this, my dear madam, is Mrs. Biggs, of Mecklenburgh Square, who, if +she were not too old, might marry a gentleman in the Treasury, who +is your very humble servant." And with this gallant speech, old Mr. +Crampton began helping everybody to sherry and cake. + +As for William Pitt Scully, he had disappeared, evaporated, in the +most absurd sneaking way imaginable. Lady Gorgon made good her +retreat presently, with much dignity, her countenance undismayed, +and her face turned resolutely to the foe. + + * * * + +About five days afterwards, that memorable contest took place in the +House of Commons, in which the partisans of Mr. Macabaw were so very +nearly getting him the Speakership. On the day that the report of +the debate appeared in the Times, there appeared also an +announcement in the Gazette as follows:-- + +"The King has been pleased to appoint John Perkins, Esquire, to be +Deputy-Subcomptroller of His Majesty's Tape Office and Custos of the +Sealing-Wax Department." + +Mr. Crampton showed this to his nephew with great glee, and was +chuckling to think how Mr. William Pitt Scully would be annoyed, who +had expected the place, when Perkins burst out laughing and said, +"By heavens, here is my own speech! Scully has spoken every word of +it; he has only put in Mr. Pincher's name in the place of Mr. +Macabaw's." + +"He is ours now," responded his uncle, "and I told you WE WOULD HAVE +HIM FOR NOTHING. I told you, too, that you should be married from +Sir George Gorgon's, and here is proof of it." + +It was a letter from Lady Gorgon, in which she said that, "had she +known Mr. Perkins to be a nephew of her friend Mr. Crampton, she +never for a moment would have opposed his marriage with her niece, +and she had written that morning to her dear Lucy, begging that the +marriage breakfast should take place in Baker Street." + +"It shall be in Mecklenburgh Square," said John Perkins stoutly; and +in Mecklenburgh Square it was. + +William Pitt Scully, Esquire, was, as Mr. Crampton said, hugely +annoyed at the loss of the place for his nephew. He had still, +however, his hopes to look forward to, but these were unluckily +dashed by the coming in of the Whigs. As for Sir George Gorgon, +when he came to ask about his peerage, Hawksby told him that they +could not afford to lose him in the Commons, for a Liberal Member +would infallibly fill his place. + +And now that the Tories are out and the Whigs are in, strange to say +a Liberal does fill his place. This Liberal is no other than Sir +George Gorgon himself, who is still longing to be a lord, and his +lady is still devout and intriguing. So that the Members for +Oldborough have changed sides, and taunt each other with apostasy, +and hate each other cordially. Mr. Crampton still chuckles over the +manner in which he tricked them both, and talks of those five +minutes during which he stood on the landing-place, and hatched and +executed his "Bedford-Row Conspiracy." + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg Etext The Bedford-Row Conspiracy, by Thackeray + diff --git a/old/bdfrc10.zip b/old/bdfrc10.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..b6b498f --- /dev/null +++ b/old/bdfrc10.zip |