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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Bedford-Row Conspiracy, by
+William Makepeace Thackeray
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The Bedford-Row Conspiracy
+
+Author: William Makepeace Thackeray
+
+Posting Date: September 21, 2008 [EBook #1990]
+Last Updated: March 5, 2018
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: UTF-8
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE BEDFORD-ROW CONSPIRACY ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Les Bowler
+
+
+
+
+
+THE BEDFORD-ROW CONSPIRACY
+
+By William Makepeace Thackeray
+
+
+Contents.
+
+  I.   Of the loves of Mr. Perkins and Miss Gorgon, and of the two
+  great factions in the town of Oldborough.
+
+  II.  Shows how the plot began to thicken in or about Bedford Row.
+
+  III. Behind the scenes.
+
+
+  Note:
+
+  A story of Charles de Bernard furnished the plot of
+  “The Bedford-Row Conspiracy.”
+
+
+
+
+THE BEDFORD-ROW CONSPIRACY
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+
+OF THE LOVES OF MR. PERKINS AND MISS GORGON, AND OF THE TWO GREAT
+FACTIONS IN THE TOWN OF OLDBOROUGH.
+
+“My dear John,” cried Lucy, with a very wise look indeed, “it must and
+shall be so. As for Doughty Street, with our means, a house is out of
+the question. We must keep three servants, and Aunt Biggs says the taxes
+are one-and-twenty pounds a year.”
+
+“I have seen a sweet place at Chelsea,” remarked John: “Paradise Row,
+No. 17,--garden--greenhouse--fifty pounds a year--omnibus to town within
+a mile.”
+
+“What! that I may be left alone all day, and you spend a fortune in
+driving backward and forward in those horrid breakneck cabs? My darling,
+I should die there--die of fright, I know I should. Did you not say
+yourself that the road was not as yet lighted, and that the place
+swarmed with public-houses and dreadful tipsy Irish bricklayers? Would
+you kill me, John?”
+
+“My da-arling,” said John, with tremendous fondness, clutching Miss
+Lucy suddenly round the waist, and rapping the hand of that young person
+violently against his waistcoat,--“My da-arling, don't say such things,
+even in a joke. If I objected to the chambers, it is only because you,
+my love, with your birth and connections, ought to have a house of your
+own. The chambers are quite large enough and certainly quite good enough
+for me.” And so, after some more sweet parley on the part of these
+young people, it was agreed that they should take up their abode,
+when married, in a part of the House number One hundred and something,
+Bedford Row.
+
+It will be necessary to explain to the reader that John was no other
+than John Perkins, Esquire, of the Middle Temple, barrister-at-law, and
+that Miss Lucy was the daughter of the late Captain Gorgon, and Marianne
+Biggs, his wife. The Captain being of noble connections, younger son of
+a baronet, cousin to Lord X----, and related to the Y---- family, had
+angered all his relatives by marrying a very silly pretty young woman,
+who kept a ladies'-school at Canterbury. She had six hundred pounds
+to her fortune, which the Captain laid out in the purchase of a sweet
+travelling-carriage and dressing-case for himself; and going abroad with
+his lady, spent several years in the principal prisons of Europe, in one
+of which he died. His wife and daughter were meantime supported by the
+contributions of Mrs. Jemima Biggs, who still kept the ladies'-school.
+
+At last a dear old relative--such a one as one reads of in
+romances--died and left seven thousand pounds apiece to the two sisters,
+whereupon the elder gave up schooling and retired to London; and the
+younger managed to live with some comfort and decency at Brussels,
+upon two hundred and ten pounds per annum. Mrs. Gorgon never touched
+a shilling of her capital, for the very good reason that it was placed
+entirely out of her reach; so that when she died, her daughter found
+herself in possession of a sum of money that is not always to be met
+with in this world.
+
+Her aunt the baronet's lady, and her aunt the ex-schoolmistress, both
+wrote very pressing invitations to her, and she resided with each for
+six months after her arrival in England. Now, for a second time, she had
+come to Mrs. Biggs, Caroline Place, Mecklenburgh Square. It was under
+the roof of that respectable old lady that John Perkins, Esquire, being
+invited to take tea, wooed and won Miss Gorgon.
+
+Having thus described the circumstances of Miss Gorgon's life, let us
+pass for a moment from that young lady, and lift up the veil of mystery
+which envelopes the deeds and character of Perkins.
+
+Perkins, too, was an orphan; and he and his Lucy, of summer evenings,
+when Sol descending lingered fondly yet about the minarets of the
+Foundling, and gilded the grassplots of Mecklenburgh Square--Perkins,
+I say, and Lucy would often sit together in the summer-house of that
+pleasure-ground, and muse upon the strange coincidences of their life.
+Lucy was motherless and fatherless; so too was Perkins. If Perkins was
+brotherless and sisterless, was not Lucy likewise an only child? Perkins
+was twenty-three: his age and Lucy's united, amounted to forty-six; and
+it was to be remarked, as a fact still more extraordinary, that while
+Lucy's relatives were AUNTS, John's were UNCLES. Mysterious spirit of
+love! let us treat thee with respect and whisper not too many of thy
+secrets. The fact is, John and Lucy were a pair of fools (as every young
+couple OUGHT to be who have hearts that are worth a farthing), and were
+ready to find coincidences, sympathies, hidden gushes of feeling, mystic
+unions of the soul, and what not, in every single circumstance that
+occurred from the rising of the sun to the going down thereof, and in
+the intervals. Bedford Row, where Perkins lived, is not very far from
+Mecklenburgh Square; and John used to say that he felt a comfort that
+his house and Lucy's were served by the same muffin-man.
+
+Further comment is needless. A more honest, simple, clever,
+warm-hearted, soft, whimsical, romantical, high-spirited young fellow
+than John Perkins did not exist. When his father, Doctor Perkins, died,
+this, his only son, was placed under the care of John Perkins, Esquire,
+of the house of Perkins, Scully, and Perkins, those celebrated attorneys
+in the trading town of Oldborough, which the second partner, William
+Pitt Scully, Esquire, represented in Parliament and in London.
+
+All John's fortune was the house in Bedford Row, which, at his father's
+death, was let out into chambers, and brought in a clear hundred a
+year. Under his uncle's roof at Oldborough, where he lived with thirteen
+red-haired male and female cousins, he was only charged fifty pounds
+for board, clothes, and pocket-money, and the remainder of his rents
+was carefully put by for him until his majority. When he approached
+that period--when he came to belong to two spouting-clubs at Oldborough,
+among the young merchants and lawyers'-clerks--to blow the flute nicely,
+and play a good game at billiards--to have written one or two smart
+things in the Oldborough Sentinel--to be fond of smoking (in which act
+he was discovered by his fainting aunt at three o'clock one morning)--in
+one word, when John Perkins arrived at manhood, he discovered that he
+was quite unfit to be an attorney, that he detested all the ways of his
+uncle's stern, dull, vulgar, regular, red-headed family, and he vowed
+that he would go to London and make his fortune. Thither he went, his
+aunt and cousins, who were all “serious,” vowing that he was a lost boy;
+and when his history opens, John had been two years in the metropolis,
+inhabiting his own garrets; and a very nice compact set of apartments,
+looking into the back-garden, at this moment falling vacant, the prudent
+Lucy Gorgon had visited them, and vowed that she and her John should
+there commence housekeeping.
+
+All these explanations are tedious, but necessary; and furthermore, it
+must be said, that as John's uncle's partner was the Liberal member for
+Oldborough, so Lucy's uncle was its Ministerial representative.
+
+This gentleman, the brother of the deceased Captain Gorgon, lived at the
+paternal mansion of Gorgon Castle, and rejoiced in the name and title of
+Sir George Grimsby Gorgon.
+
+He, too, like his younger brother, had married a lady beneath his own
+rank in life; having espoused the daughter and heiress of Mr. Hicks, the
+great brewer at Oldborough, who held numerous mortgages on the Gorgon
+property, all of which he yielded up, together with his daughter
+Juliana, to the care of the baronet.
+
+What Lady Gorgon was in character, this history will show. In person,
+if she may be compared to any vulgar animal, one of her father's heavy,
+healthy, broad-flanked, Roman-nosed white dray-horses might, to the
+poetic mind, appear to resemble her. At twenty she was a splendid
+creature, and though not at her full growth, yet remarkable for strength
+and sinew; at forty-five she was as fine a woman as any in His Majesty's
+dominions. Five feet seven in height, thirteen stone, her own teeth and
+hair, she looked as if she were the mother of a regiment of Grenadier
+Guards. She had three daughters of her own size, and at length, ten
+years after the birth of the last of the young ladies, a son--one
+son--George Augustus Frederick Grimsby Gorgon, the godson of a royal
+duke, whose steady officer in waiting Sir George had been for many
+years.
+
+It is needless to say, after entering so largely into a description
+of Lady Gorgon, that her husband was a little shrivelled wizen-faced
+creature, eight inches shorter than her Ladyship. This is the way of
+the world, as every single reader of this book must have remarked; for
+frolic love delights to join giants and pigmies of different sexes in
+the bonds of matrimony. When you saw her Ladyship in flame-coloured
+satin and gorgeous toque and feathers, entering the drawing-room, as
+footmen along the stairs shouted melodiously, “Sir George and Lady
+Gorgon,” you beheld in her company a small withered old gentleman, with
+powder and large royal household buttons, who tripped at her elbow as a
+little weak-legged colt does at the side of a stout mare.
+
+The little General had been present at about a hundred and twenty
+pitched battles on Hounslow Heath and Wormwood Scrubs, but had never
+drawn his sword against an enemy. As might be expected, therefore, his
+talk and tenue were outrageously military. He had the whole Army List by
+heart--that is, as far as the field-officers: all below them he scorned.
+A bugle at Gorgon Castle always sounded at breakfast, and dinner: a gun
+announced sunset. He clung to his pigtail for many years after the army
+had forsaken that ornament, and could never be brought to think much of
+the Peninsular men for giving it up. When he spoke of the Duke, he used
+to call him “MY LORD WELLINGTON--I RECOLLECT HIM AS CAPTAIN WELLESLEY.”
+ He swore fearfully in conversation, was most regular at church, and
+regularly read to his family and domestics the morning and evening
+prayer; he bullied his daughters, seemed to bully his wife, who led him
+whither she chose; gave grand entertainments, and never asked a friend
+by chance; had splendid liveries, and starved his people; and was
+as dull, stingy, pompous, insolent, cringing, ill-tempered a little
+creature as ever was known.
+
+With such qualities you may fancy that he was generally admired in
+society and by his country. So he was: and I never knew a man so
+endowed whose way through life was not safe--who had fewer pangs of
+conscience--more positive enjoyments--more respect shown to him--more
+favours granted to him, than such a one as my friend the General.
+
+Her Ladyship was just suited to him, and they did in reality admire
+each other hugely. Previously to her marriage with the baronet, many
+love-passages had passed between her and William Pitt Scully, Esquire,
+the attorney; and there was especially one story, a propos of certain
+syllabubs and Sally-Lunn cakes, which seemed to show that matters had
+gone very far. Be this as it may, no sooner did the General (Major
+Gorgon he was then) cast an eye on her, than Scully's five years' fabric
+of love was instantly dashed to the ground. She cut him pitilessly,
+cut Sally Scully, his sister, her dearest friend and confidante, and
+bestowed her big person upon the little aide-de-camp at the end of a
+fortnight's wooing. In the course of time their mutual fathers died;
+the Gorgon estates were unencumbered: patron of both the seats in the
+borough of Oldborough, and occupant of one, Sir George Grimsby Gorgon,
+Baronet, was a personage of no small importance.
+
+He was, it scarcely need to be said, a Tory; and this was the reason
+why William Pitt Scully, Esquire, of the firm of Perkins and Scully,
+deserted those principles in which he had been bred and christened;
+deserted that church which he had frequented, for he could not bear to
+see Sir George and my Lady flaunting in their grand pew;--deserted, I
+say, the church, adopted the conventicle, and became one of the most
+zealous and eloquent supporters that Freedom has known in our time.
+Scully, of the house of Scully and Perkins, was a dangerous enemy. In
+five years from that marriage, which snatched from the jilted solicitor
+his heart's young affections, Sir George Gorgon found that he must
+actually spend seven hundred pounds to keep his two seats. At the next
+election, a Liberal was set up against his man, and actually ran
+him hard; and finally, at the end of eighteen years, the rejected
+Scully--the mean attorney--was actually the FIRST Member for Oldborough,
+Sir George Grimsby Gorgon, Baronet, being only the second!
+
+The agony of that day cannot be imagined--the dreadful curses of Sir
+George, who saw fifteen hundred a year robbed from under his very
+nose--the religious resignation of my Lady--the hideous window-smashing
+that took place at the “Gorgon Arms,” and the discomfiture of the pelted
+Mayor and Corporation. The very next Sunday, Scully was reconciled to
+the church (or attended it in the morning, and the meeting twice in the
+afternoon), and as Doctor Snorter uttered the prayer for the High Court
+of Parliament, his eye, the eye of his whole party--turned towards Lady
+Gorgon and Sir George in a most unholy triumph. Sir George (who always
+stood during prayers, like a military man) fairly sank down among the
+hassocks, and Lady Gorgon was heard to sob as audibly as ever did little
+beadle-belaboured urchin.
+
+Scully, when at Oldborough, came from that day forth to church. “What,”
+ said he, “was it to him? were we not all brethren?” Old Perkins,
+however, kept religiously to the Squaretoes congregation. In fact, to
+tell the truth, this subject had been debated between the partners,
+who saw the advantage of courting both the Establishment and the
+Dissenters--a manoeuvre which, I need not say, is repeated in almost
+every country town in England, where a solicitor's house has this kind
+of power and connection.
+
+Three months after this election came the races at Oldborough, and the
+race-ball. Gorgon was so infuriated by his defeat, that he gave “the
+Gorgon cup and cover,” a matter of fifteen pounds. Scully, “although
+anxious,” as he wrote from town, “anxious beyond measure to preserve
+the breed of horses for which our beloved country has ever been famous,
+could attend no such sports as these, which but too often degenerated
+into vice.” It was voted a shabby excuse. Lady Gorgon was radiant in her
+barouche and four, and gladly became the patroness of the ball that was
+to ensue; and which all the gentry and townspeople, Tory and Whig, were
+in the custom of attending. The ball took place on the last day of the
+races. On that day, the walls of the market-house, the principal public
+buildings, and the “Gorgon Arms Hotel” itself, were plastered with the
+following:--
+
+“Letter from our distinguished representative, William P. Scully,
+Esquire, etc., etc.
+
+                           “HOUSE OF COMMONS:  June 1, 18--.
+
+“MY DEAR HEELTAP,--You know my opinion about horseracing, and though
+I blame neither you nor any brother Englishman who enjoys that manly
+sport, you will, I am sure, appreciate the conscientious motives
+which induce me not to appear among my friends and constituents on the
+festival of the 3rd, 4th, and 5th instant. If _I_, however, cannot
+allow my name to appear among your list of stewards, ONE at least of the
+representatives of Oldborough has no such scruples. Sir George Gorgon is
+among you: and though I differ from that honourable Baronet on more than
+ONE VITAL POINT, I am glad to think that he is with you. A gentleman, a
+soldier, a man of property in the county, how can he be better employed
+than in forwarding the county's amusements, and in forwarding the
+happiness of all?
+
+“Had I no such scruples as those to which I have just alluded, I must
+still have refrained from coming among you. Your great Oldborough
+common-drainage and inclosure bill comes on to-morrow, and I shall be AT
+MY POST. I am sure, if Sir George Gorgon were here, he and I should
+on this occasion vote side by side, and that party strife would be
+forgotten in the object of our common interest--OUR DEAR NATIVE TOWN.
+
+“There is, however, another occasion at hand, in which I shall be
+proud to meet him. Your ball is on the night of the 6th. Party
+forgotten--brotherly union--innocent mirth--beauty, OUR DEAR TOWN'S
+BEAUTY, our daughters in the joy of their expanding loveliness, our
+matrons in the exquisite contemplation of their children's bliss--can
+you, can I, can Whig or Tory, can any Briton be indifferent to a scene
+like this, or refuse to join in this heart-stirring festival? If there
+BE such let them pardon me--I, for one, my dear Heeltap, will be among
+you on Friday night--ay, and hereby invite all pretty Tory Misses, who
+are in want of a partner.
+
+“I am here in the very midst of good things, you know, and we old folks
+like A SUPPER after a dance. Please to accept a brace of bucks and a
+turtle, which come herewith. My worthy colleague, who was so liberal
+last year of his soup to the poor, will not, I trust, refuse to taste
+a little of Alderman Birch's--'tis offered on my part with hearty
+goodwill. Hey for the 6th, and vive la joie!
+
+                “Ever, my dear Heeltap, your faithful
+
+                                 “W. PITT SCULLY.
+
+“P.S.--Of course this letter is STRICTLY PRIVATE. Say that the venison,
+etc. came from a WELL-WISHER TO OLDBOROUGH.”
+
+This amazing letter was published, in defiance of Mr. Scully's
+injunctions, by the enthusiastic Heeltap, who said, bluntly, in a
+preface, “that he saw no reason why Mr. Scully should be ashamed of his
+action, and he, for his part, was glad to let all friends at Oldborough
+know of it.”
+
+The allusion about the Gorgon soup was killing: thirteen paupers in
+Oldborough had, it was confidently asserted, died of it. Lady Gorgon,
+on the reading of this letter, was struck completely dumb; Sir George
+Gorgon was wild. Ten dozen of champagne was he obliged to send down to
+the “Gorgon Arms,” to be added to the festival. He would have stayed
+away if he could, but he dared not.
+
+At nine o'clock, he in general's uniform; his wife in blue satin and
+diamonds; his daughters in blue crape and white roses; his niece, Lucy
+Gorgon, in white muslin; his son, George Augustus Frederick Grimsby
+Gorgon, in a blue velvet jacket, sugar-loaf buttons, and nankeens,
+entered the north door of the ballroom, to much cheering, and the sound
+of “God save the King!”
+
+At that very same moment, and from the south door, issued William Pitt
+Scully, Esquire, M.P., and his staff. Mr. Scully had a brand-new blue
+coat and brass buttons, buff waistcoat, white kerseymere tights, pumps
+with large rosettes, and pink silk stockings.
+
+“This wool,” said he to a friend, “was grown on Oldborough sheep,
+this cloth was spun in Oldborough looms, these buttons were cast in
+an Oldborough manufactory, these shoes were made by an Oldborough
+tradesman, this HEART first beat in Oldborough town, and pray Heaven may
+be buried there!”
+
+Could anything resist a man like this? John Perkins, who had come down
+as one of Scully's aides-de-camp, in a fit of generous enthusiasm,
+leaped on a whist-table, flung up a pocket-handkerchief, and
+shrieked--“SCULLY FOR EVER!”
+
+Heeltap, who was generally drunk, fairly burst into tears, and the grave
+tradesmen and Whig gentry, who had dined with the Member at his inn, and
+accompanied him thence to the “Gorgon Arms,” lifted their deep voices
+and shouted “Hear!” “Good!” “Bravo!” “Noble!” “Scully for ever!” “God
+bless him!” and “Hurrah!”
+
+The scene was tumultuously affecting; and when young Perkins sprang down
+from the table and came blushing up to the Member, that gentleman said,
+“Thank you, Jack! THANK you, my boy! THANK you,” in a way which made
+Perkins think that his supreme cup of bliss was quaffed; that he had but
+to die: for that life had no other such joy in store for him. Scully
+was Perkins's Napoleon--he yielded himself up to the attorney, body and
+soul.
+
+Whilst this scene was going on under one chandelier of the ballroom,
+beneath the other scarlet little General Gorgon, sumptuous Lady Gorgon,
+the daughters and niece Gorgons, were standing surrounded by their Tory
+court, who affected to sneer and titter at the Whig demonstrations which
+were taking place.
+
+“What a howwid thmell of whithkey!” lisped Cornet Fitch, of the
+Dragoons, to Miss Lucy, confidentially. “And the--the are what they call
+Whigth, are they? He! he!”
+
+“They are drunk, ----me, --drunk, by ----!” said the General to the
+Mayor.
+
+“WHICH is Scully?” said Lady Gorgon, lifting her glass gravely (she was
+at that very moment thinking of the syllabubs). “Is it that tipsy man in
+the green coat, or that vulgar creature in the blue one?”
+
+“Law, my Lady,” said the Mayoress, “have you forgotten him? Why, that's
+him in blue and buff.”
+
+“And a monthous fine man, too,” said Cornet Fitch. “I wish we had him in
+our twoop--he'th thix feet thwee, if he'th an inch; ain't he, Genewal?”
+
+No reply.
+
+“And heavens! Mamma,” shrieked the three Gorgons in a breath, “see, one
+creature is on the whist-table. Oh, the wretch!
+
+“I'm sure he's very good-looking,” said Lucy, simply.
+
+Lady Gorgon darted at her an angry look, and was about to say something
+very contemptuous, when, at that instant, John Perkins's shout taking
+effect, Master George Augustus Frederick Grimsby Gorgon, not knowing
+better, incontinently raised a small shout on his side.
+
+“Hear! good! bravo!” exclaimed he; “Scully for ever! Hurra-a-a-ay!” and
+fell skipping about like the Whigs opposite.
+
+“Silence, you brute you!” groaned Lady Gorgon; and seizing him by the
+shirt-frill and coat-collar, carried him away to his nurse, who, with
+many other maids of the Whig and Tory parties, stood giggling and
+peeping at the landing-place.
+
+Fancy how all these small incidents augmented the heap of Lady Gorgon's
+anger and injuries! She was a dull phlegmatic woman for the most part,
+and contented herself generally with merely despising her neighbours;
+but oh! what a fine active hatred raged in her bosom for victorious
+Scully! At this moment Mr. Perkins had finished shaking hands with his
+Napoleon--Napoleon seemed bent upon some tremendous enterprise. He was
+looking at Lady Gorgon very hard.
+
+“She's a fine woman,” said Scully, thoughtfully; he was still holding
+the hand of Perkins. And then, after a pause, “Gad! I think I'll try.”
+
+“Try what, sir?”
+
+“She's a DEUCED fine woman!” burst out again the tender solicitor. “I
+WILL go. Springer, tell the fiddlers to strike up.”
+
+Springer scuttled across the room, and gave the leader of the band a
+knowing nod. Suddenly, “God save the King” ceased, and “Sir Roger
+de Coverley” began. The rival forces eyed each other; Mr. Scully,
+accompanied by his friend, came forward, looking very red, and fumbling
+two large kid gloves.
+
+“HE'S GOING TO ASK ME TO DANCE,” hissed out Lady Gorgon, with a dreadful
+intuition, and she drew back behind her lord.
+
+“D---- it, madam, THEN DANCE with him!” said the General. “Don't you see
+that the scoundrel is carrying it all his own way! ---- him! and ----
+him! and ---- him!” (All of which dashes the reader may fill up with
+oaths of such strength as may be requisite).
+
+“General!” cried Lady Gorgon, but could say no more. Scully was before
+her.
+
+“Madam!” exclaimed the Liberal Member for Oldborough, “in a moment
+like this--I say--that is--that on the present occasion--your
+Ladyship--unaccustomed as I am--pooh, psha--WILL your Ladyship give me
+the distinguished honour and pleasure of going down the country-dance
+with your Ladyship?”
+
+An immense heave of her Ladyship's ample chest was perceptible. Yards of
+blond lace, which might be compared to a foam of the sea, were agitated
+at the same moment, and by the same mighty emotion. The river of
+diamonds which flowed round her Ladyship's neck, seemed to swell and to
+shine more than ever. The tall plumes on her ambrosial head bowed down
+beneath the storm. In other words, Lady Gorgon, in a furious rage,
+which she was compelled to restrain, trembled, drew up, and bowing
+majestically, said,--
+
+“Sir, I shall have much pleasure.” With this, she extended her hand.
+Scully, trembling, thrust forward one of his huge kid-gloves, and led
+her to the head of the country-dance. John Perkins--who I presume
+had been drinking pretty freely, so as to have forgotten his ordinary
+bashfulness--looked at the three Gorgons in blue, then at the pretty
+smiling one in white, and stepping up to her, without the smallest
+hesitation, asked her if she would dance with him.
+
+The young lady smilingly agreed. The great example of Scully and Lady
+Gorgon was followed by all dancing men and women. Political enmities
+were forgotten. Whig voters invited Tory voters' wives to the dance. The
+daughters of Reform accepted the hands of the sons of Conservatism. The
+reconciliation of the Romans and Sabines was not more touching than this
+sweet fusion. Whack--whack! Springer clapped his hands; and the fiddlers
+adroitly obeying the cheerful signal, began playing “Sir Roger de
+Coverley” louder than ever.
+
+I do not know by what extraordinary charm (nescio qua praeter solitum,
+etc.), but young Perkins, who all his life had hated country-dances, was
+delighted with this one, and skipped and laughed, poussetting, crossing,
+down-the-middling, with his merry little partner, till every one of the
+bettermost sort of the thirty-nine couples had dropped panting away, and
+till the youngest Miss Gorgon, coming up to his partner, said in a loud
+hissing scornful whisper, “Lucy, Mamma thinks you have danced quite
+enough with this--this person.” And Lucy, blushing, starting back, and
+looking at Perkins in a very melancholy way, made him a little curtsey,
+and went off to the Gorgonian party with her cousin. Perkins was too
+frightened to lead her back to her place--too frightened at first, and
+then too angry. “Person!” said he: his soul swelled with a desperate
+republicanism: he went back to his patron more of a Radical than ever.
+
+He found that gentleman in the solitary tea-room, pacing up and down
+before the observant landlady and handmaidens of the “Gorgon Arms,”
+ wiping his brows, gnawing his fingers--his ears looming over his stiff
+white shirt-collar as red as fire. Once more the great man seized John
+Perkins's hand as the latter came up.
+
+“D---- the aristocrats!” roared the ex-follower of Squaretoes.
+
+“And so say I! but what's the matter, sir?”
+
+“What's the matter?--Why, that woman--that infernal, haughty,
+straitlaced, cold-blooded brewer's daughter! I loved that woman, sir--I
+KISSED that woman, sir, twenty years ago: we were all but engaged, sir:
+we've walked for hours and hours, sir--us and the governess--I've got
+a lock of her hair, sir, among my papers now; and to-night, would you
+believe it?--as soon as she got to the bottom of the set, away she
+went--not one word would she speak to me all the way down: and when I
+wanted to lead her to her place, and asked her if she would have a glass
+of negus, 'Sir,' says she, 'I have done my duty; I bear no malice: but
+I consider you a traitor to Sir George Gorgon's family--a traitor and
+an upstart! I consider your speaking to me as a piece of insolent
+vulgarity, and beg you will leave me to myself!' There's her speech,
+sir. Twenty people heard it, and all of her Tory set too. I'll tell you
+what, Jack: at the next election I'll put YOU up. Oh that woman! that
+woman!--and to think that I love her still!” Here Mr. Scully paused,
+and fiercely consoled himself by swallowing three cups of Mrs. Rincer's
+green tea.
+
+The fact is, that Lady Gorgon's passion had completely got the better of
+her reason. Her Ladyship was naturally cold, and artificially extremely
+squeamish; and when this great red-faced enemy of hers looked tenderly
+at her through his red little eyes, and squeezed her hand and attempted
+to renew old acquaintance, she felt such an intolerable disgust at his
+triumph, at his familiarity, and at the remembrance of her own former
+liking for him, that she gave utterance to the speech above correctly
+reported. The Tories were delighted with her spirit, and Cornet Fitch,
+with much glee, told the story to the General; but that officer, who was
+at whist with some of his friends, flung down his cards, and coming up
+to his lady, said briefly,--
+
+“Madam, you are a fool!”
+
+“I will NOT stay here to be bearded by that disgusting man!--Mr. Fitch,
+call my people.--Henrietta, bring Miss Lucy from that linendraper with
+whom she is dancing. I will not stay, General, once for all.”
+
+Henrietta ran--she hated her cousin: Cornet Fitch was departing. “Stop,
+Fitch,” said Sir George, seizing him by the arm. “You are a fool, Lady
+Gorgon,” said he, “and I repeat it--a ---- fool! This fellow Scully
+is carrying all before him: he has talked with everybody, laughed with
+everybody--and you, with your infernal airs--a brewer's daughter, by
+----, must sit like a queen and not speak to a soul! You've lost me one
+seat of my borough, with your infernal pride--fifteen hundred a year,
+by Jove!--and you think you will bully me out of another. No, madam, you
+SHALL stay, and stay supper too;--and the girls shall dance with every
+cursed chimney-sweep and butcher in the room: they shall--confound me!”
+
+Her Ladyship saw that it was necessary to submit; and Mr. Springer, the
+master of the ceremonies, was called, and requested to point out
+some eligible partners for the young ladies. One went off with a
+Whig auctioneer; another figured in a quadrille with a very Liberal
+apothecary; and the third, Miss Henrietta, remained.
+
+“Hallo you, sir!” roared the little General to John Perkins, who was
+passing by. John turned round and faced him.
+
+“You were dancing with my niece just now--show us your skill now, and
+dance with one of my daughters. Stand up, Miss Henrietta Gorgon--Mr.
+What's-your-name?”
+
+“My name,” said John, with marked and majestic emphasis, “is PERKINS.”
+ And he looked towards Lucy, who dared not look again.
+
+“Miss Gorgon--Mr. Perkins. There, now go and dance.”
+
+“Mr. Perkins regrets, madam,” said John, making a bow to Miss Henrietta,
+“that he is not able to dance this evening. I am this moment obliged to
+look to the supper; but you will find, no doubt, some other PERSON who
+will have much pleasure.”
+
+“Go to ----, sir!” screamed the General, starting up, and shaking his
+cane.
+
+“Calm yourself, dearest George,” said Lady Gorgon, clinging fondly to
+him. Fitch twiddled his moustaches. Miss Henrietta Gorgon stared
+with open mouth. The silks of the surrounding dowagers rustled--the
+countenances of all looked grave.
+
+“I will follow you, sir, wherever you please; and you may hear of me
+whenever you like,” said Mr. Perkins, bowing and retiring. He heard
+little Lucy sobbing in a corner. He was lost at once--lost in love; he
+felt as if he could combat fifty generals! he never was so happy in his
+life.
+
+The supper came; but as that meal cost five shillings a head, General
+Gorgon dismissed the four spinsters of his family homewards in the
+carriage, and so saved himself a pound. This added to Jack Perkins's
+wrath; he had hoped to have seen Miss Lucy once more. He was a steward,
+and, in the General's teeth, would have done his duty. He was thinking
+how he would have helped her to the most delicate chicken-wings and
+blancmanges, how he WOULD have made her take champagne. Under the noses
+of indignant aunt and uncle, what glorious fun it would have been!
+
+Out of place as Mr. Scully's present was, and though Lady Gorgon and her
+party sneered at the vulgar notion of venison and turtle for supper,
+all the world at Oldborough ate very greedily of those two substantial
+dishes; and the Mayor's wife became from that day forth a mortal
+enemy of the Gorgons: for, sitting near her Ladyship, who refused the
+proffered soup and meat, the Mayoress thought herself obliged to follow
+this disagreeable example. She sent away the plate of turtle with a
+sigh, saying, however, to the baronet's lady, “I thought, mem, that the
+LORD MAYOR OF LONDON always had turtle to his supper?”
+
+“And what if he didn't, Biddy?” said his Honour the Mayor; “a good
+thing's a good thing, and here goes!” wherewith he plunged his spoon
+into the savoury mess. The Mayoress, as we have said, dared not; but she
+hated Lady Gorgon, and remembered it at the next election.
+
+The pride, in fact, and insolence of the Gorgon party rendered every
+person in the room hostile to them; so soon as, gorged with meat, they
+began to find that courage which Britons invariably derive from their
+victuals. The show of the Gorgon plate seemed to offend the people. The
+Gorgon champagne was a long time, too, in making its appearance. Arrive,
+however, it did. The people were waiting for it; the young ladies, not
+accustomed to that drink, declined pledging their admirers until it
+was produced; the men, too, despised the bucellas and sherry, and were
+looking continually towards the door. At last, Mr. Rincer, the landlord,
+Mr. Hock, Sir George's butler, and sundry others entered the room. Bang!
+went the corks--fizz the foamy liquor sparkled into all sorts of glasses
+that were held out for its reception. Mr. Hock helped Sir George and his
+party, who drank with great gusto; the wine which was administered to
+the persons immediately around Mr. Scully was likewise pronounced to
+be good. But Mr. Perkins, who had taken his seat among the humbler
+individuals, and in the very middle of the table, observed that all
+these persons, after drinking, made to each other very wry and ominous
+faces, and whispered much. He tasted his wine: it was a villanous
+compound of sugar, vitriol, soda-water, and green gooseberries. At
+this moment a great clatter of forks was made by the president's and
+vice-president's party. Silence for a toast--'twas silence all.
+
+“Landlord,” said Mr. Perkins, starting up (the rogue, where did his
+impudence come from?) “have you any champagne of YOUR OWN?”
+
+“Silence! down!” roared the Tories, the ladies looking aghast. “Silence,
+sit down you!” shrieked the well-known voice of the General.
+
+“I beg your pardon, General,” said young John Perkins; “but where COULD
+you have bought this champagne? My worthy friend I know is going to
+propose the ladies; let us at any rate drink such a toast in good wine.”
+ (“Hear, hear!”) “Drink her Ladyship's health in THIS stuff? I declare to
+goodness I would sooner drink it in beer!”
+
+No pen can describe the uproar which arose: the anguish of the
+Gorgonites--the shrieks, jeers, cheers, ironic cries of “Swipes!” etc.,
+which proceeded from the less genteel but more enthusiastic Scullyites.
+
+“This vulgarity is too much,” said Lady Gorgon, rising; and Mrs.
+Mayoress and the ladies of the party did so too.
+
+The General, two squires, the clergyman, the Gorgon apothecary and
+attorney, with their respective ladies, followed her: they were plainly
+beaten from the field. Such of the Tories as dared remained, and in
+inglorious compromise shared the jovial Whig feast.
+
+“Gentlemen and ladies,” hiccupped Mr. Heeltap, “I'll give you a toast.
+'Champagne to our real--hic--friends,' no, 'Real champagne to our
+friends,' and--hic--pooh! 'Champagne to our friends, and real pain to
+our enemies,'--huzzay!”
+
+The Scully faction on this day bore the victory away, and if the polite
+reader has been shocked by certain vulgarities on the part of Mr.
+Scully and his friends, he must remember imprimis that Oldborough was
+an inconsiderable place--that the inhabitants thereof were chiefly
+tradespeople, not of refined habits--that Mr. Scully himself had only
+for three months mingled among the aristocracy--that his young friend
+Perkins was violently angry--and finally, and to conclude, that the
+proud vulgarity of the great Sir George Gorgon and his family was
+infinitely more odious and contemptible than the mean vulgarity of the
+Scullyites and their leader.
+
+Immediately after this event, Mr. Scully and his young friend Perkins
+returned to town; the latter to his garrets in Bedford Row--the former
+to his apartments on the first floor of the same house. He lived here to
+superintend his legal business: his London agents, Messrs. Higgs, Biggs,
+and Blatherwick, occupying the ground floor; the junior partner, Mr.
+Gustavus Blatherwick, the second flat of the house. Scully made no
+secret of his profession or residence: he was an attorney, and proud of
+it; he was the grandson of a labourer, and thanked God for it; he had
+made his fortune by his own honest labour, and why should he be ashamed
+of it?
+
+And now, having explained at full length who the several heroes and
+heroines of this history were, and how they conducted themselves in the
+country, let us describe their behaviour in London, and the great events
+which occurred there.
+
+You must know that Mr. Perkins bore away the tenderest recollections
+of the young lady with whom he had danced at the Oldborough ball, and,
+having taken particular care to find out where she dwelt when in the
+metropolis, managed soon to become acquainted with Aunt Biggs, and made
+himself so amiable to that lady, that she begged he would pass all his
+disengaged evenings at her lodgings in Caroline Place. Mrs. Biggs was
+perfectly aware that the young gentleman did not come for her bohea
+and muffins, so much as for the sweeter conversation of her niece, Miss
+Gorgon; but seeing that these two young people were of an age when ideas
+of love and marriage will spring up, do what you will; seeing that her
+niece had a fortune, and Mr. Perkins had the prospect of a place, and
+was moreover a very amiable and well-disposed young fellow, she thought
+her niece could not do better than marry him; and Miss Gorgon thought
+so too. Now the public will be able to understand the meaning of that
+important conversation which is recorded at the very commencement of
+this history.
+
+Lady Gorgon and her family were likewise in town; but, when in the
+metropolis, they never took notice of their relative, Miss Lucy: the
+idea of acknowledging an ex-schoolmistress living in Mecklenburgh Square
+being much too preposterous for a person of my Lady Gorgon's breeding
+and fashion. She did not, therefore, know of the progress which sly
+Perkins was making all this while; for Lucy Gorgon did not think it was
+at all necessary to inform her Ladyship how deeply she was smitten
+by the wicked young gentleman who had made all the disturbance at the
+Oldborough ball.
+
+The intimacy of these young persons had, in fact, become so close, that
+on a certain sunshiny Sunday in December, after having accompanied Aunt
+Biggs to church, they had pursued their walk as far as that rendezvous
+of lovers, the Regent's Park, and were talking of their coming marriage,
+with much confidential tenderness, before the bears in the Zoological
+Gardens.
+
+Miss Lucy was ever and anon feeding those interesting animals with buns,
+to perform which act of charity she had clambered up on the parapet
+which surrounds their den. Mr. Perkins was below; and Miss Lucy, having
+distributed her buns, was on the point of following,--but whether from
+timidity, or whether from a desire to do young Perkins an essential
+service, I know not: however, she found herself quite unwilling to jump
+down unaided.
+
+“My dearest John,” said she, “I never can jump that.”
+
+Whereupon John stepped up, put one hand round Lucy's waist; and as one
+of hers gently fell upon his shoulder, Mr. Perkins took the other and
+said,--
+
+“Now jump.”
+
+Hoop! jump she did, and so excessively active and clever was Mr. John
+Perkins, that he jumped Miss Lucy plump into the middle of a group
+formed of--
+
+Lady Gorgon;
+
+The Misses Gorgon;
+
+Master George Augustus Frederick Grimsby Gorgon;
+
+And a footman, poodle, and French governess: who had all been for two or
+three minutes listening to the billings and cooings of these imprudent
+young lovers.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+
+SHOWS HOW THE PLOT BEGAN TO THICKEN IN OR ABOUT BEDFORD ROW.
+
+“Miss Lucy!”
+
+“Upon my word!”
+
+“I'm hanged if it aren't Lucy! How do, Lucy?” uttered Lady, the Misses,
+and Master Gorgon in a breath.
+
+Lucy came forward, bending down her ambrosial curls, and blushing, as a
+modest young woman should: for, in truth, the scrape was very awkward.
+And as for John Perkins, he made a start, and then a step forwards, and
+then two backwards, and then began laying hands upon his black satin
+stock--in short, the sun did not shine at that moment upon a man who
+looked so exquisitely foolish.
+
+“Miss Lucy Gorgon, is your aunt--is Mrs. Briggs here?” said Lady Gorgon,
+drawing herself up with much state.
+
+“Mrs. Biggs, Aunt?” said Lucy demurely.
+
+“Biggs or Briggs, madam, it is not of the slightest consequence.
+I presume that persons in my rank of life are not expected to know
+everybody's name in Magdeburg Square?” (Lady Gorgon had a house in Baker
+Street, and a dismal house it was.) “NOT here,” continued she, rightly
+interpreting Lucy's silence, “NOT here?--and may I ask how long is it
+that young ladies have been allowed to walk abroad without chaperons,
+and to--to take a part in such scenes as that which we have just seen
+acted?”
+
+To this question--and indeed it was rather difficult to answer--Miss
+Gorgon had no reply. There were the six grey eyes of her cousins
+glowering at her; there was George Augustus Frederick examining her with
+an air of extreme wonder, Mademoiselle the governess turning her looks
+demurely away, and awful Lady Gorgon glancing fiercely at her in front.
+Not mentioning the footman and poodle, what could a poor modest timid
+girl plead before such an inquisition, especially when she was clearly
+guilty? Add to this, that as Lady Gorgon, that majestic woman, always
+remarkable for her size and insolence of demeanour, had planted herself
+in the middle of the path, and spoke at the extreme pitch of her voice,
+many persons walking in the neighbourhood had heard her Ladyship's
+speech and stopped, and seemed disposed to await the rejoinder.
+
+“For Heaven's sake, Aunt, don't draw a crowd around us,” said Lucy, who,
+indeed, was glad of the only escape that lay in her power. “I will
+tell you of the--of the circumstances of--of my engagement with this
+gentleman--with Mr. Perkins,” added she, in a softer tone--so soft that
+the 'ERKINS was quite inaudible.
+
+“A Mr. What? An engagement without consulting your guardians!” screamed
+her Ladyship. “This must be looked to! Jerningham, call round my
+carriage. Mademoiselle, you will have the goodness to walk home with
+Master Gorgon, and carry him, if you please, where there is wet; and,
+girls, as the day is fine, you will do likewise. Jerningham, you will
+attend the young ladies. Miss Gorgon, I will thank you to follow me
+immediately.” And so saying, and looking at the crowd with ineffable
+scorn, and at Mr. Perkins not at all, the lady bustled away forwards,
+the files of Gorgon daughters and governess closing round and enveloping
+poor Lucy, who found herself carried forward against her will, and in a
+minute seated in her aunt's coach, along with that tremendous person.
+
+Her case was bad enough, but what was it to Perkins's? Fancy his blank
+surprise and rage at having his love thus suddenly ravished from
+him, and his delicious tete-a-tete interrupted. He managed, in an
+inconceivably short space of time, to conjure up half-a-million
+obstacles to his union. What should he do? he would rush on to Baker
+Street, and wait there until his Lucy left Lady Gorgon's house.
+
+He could find no vehicle in the Regent's Park, and was in consequence
+obliged to make his journey on foot. Of course, he nearly killed himself
+with running, and ran so quick, that he was just in time to see the two
+ladies step out of Lady Gorgon's carriage at her own house, and to hear
+Jerningham's fellow-footman roar to the Gorgonian coachman, “Half-past
+seven!” at which hour we are, to this day, convinced that Lady Gorgon
+was going out to dine. Mr. Jerningham's associate having banged to the
+door, with an insolent look towards Perkins, who was prying in with the
+most suspicious and indecent curiosity, retired, exclaiming, “That chap
+has a hi to our great-coats, I reckon!” and left John Perkins to pace
+the street and be miserable.
+
+John Perkins then walked resolutely up and down dismal Baker Street,
+determined on an eclaircissement. He was for some time occupied in
+thinking how it was that the Gorgons were not at church, they who made
+such a parade of piety; and John Perkins smiled as he passed the chapel,
+and saw that two CHARITY SERMONS were to be preached that day--and
+therefore it was that General Gorgon read prayers to his family at home
+in the morning.
+
+Perkins, at last, saw that little General, in blue frock-coat and
+spotless buff gloves, saunter scowling home; and half an hour before his
+arrival had witnessed the entrance of Jerningham, and the three gaunt
+Miss Gorgons, poodle, son-and-heir, and French governess, protected by
+him, into Sir George's mansion.
+
+“Can she be going to stay all night?” mused poor John, after being on
+the watch for three hours: when presently, to his inexpressible delight,
+he saw a very dirty hackney-coach clatter up to the Gorgon door, out of
+which first issued the ruby plush breeches and stalwart calves of Mr.
+Jerningham; these were followed by his body, and then the gentleman,
+ringing modestly, was admitted.
+
+Again the door opened: a lady came out, nor was she followed by the
+footman, who crossed his legs at the door-post and allowed her to mount
+the jingling vehicle as best she might. Mr. Jerningham had witnessed the
+scene in the Park Gardens, had listened to the altercation through the
+library keyhole, and had been mighty sulky at being ordered to call a
+coach for this young woman. He did not therefore deign to assist her to
+mount.
+
+But there was ONE who did! Perkins was by the side of his Lucy: he
+had seen her start back and cry, “La, John!”--had felt her squeeze his
+arm--had mounted with her into the coach, and then shouted with a voice
+of thunder to the coachman, “Caroline Place, Mecklenburgh Square.”
+
+But Mr. Jerningham would have been much more surprised and puzzled if
+he had waited one minute longer, and seen this Mr. Perkins, who had
+so gallantly escaladed the hackney-coach, step out of it with the most
+mortified, miserable, chap-fallen countenance possible.
+
+The fact is, he had found poor Lucy sobbing fit to break her heart, and
+instead of consoling her, as he expected, he only seemed to irritate her
+further: for she said, “Mr. Perkins--I beg--I insist, that you leave the
+carriage.” And when Perkins made some movement (which, not being in
+the vehicle at the time, we have never been able to comprehend), she
+suddenly sprang from the back-seat and began pulling at a large piece
+of cord which communicated with the wrist of the gentleman driving; and,
+screaming to him at the top of her voice, bade him immediately stop.
+
+This Mr. Coachman did, with a curious, puzzled, grinning air.
+
+Perkins descended, and on being asked, “Vere ham I to drive the young
+'oman, sir?” I am sorry to say muttered something like an oath, and
+uttered the above-mentioned words, “Caroline Place, Mecklenburgh
+Square,” in a tone which I should be inclined to describe as both dogged
+and sheepish--very different from that cheery voice which he had used
+when he first gave the order.
+
+Poor Lucy, in the course of those fatal three hours which had passed
+while Mr. Perkins was pacing up and down Baker Street, had received a
+lecture which lasted exactly one hundred and eighty minutes--from her
+aunt first, then from her uncle, whom we have seen marching homewards,
+and often from both together.
+
+Sir George Gorgon and his lady poured out such a flood of advice and
+abuse against the poor girl, that she came away from the interview quite
+timid and cowering; and when she saw John Perkins (the sly rogue! how
+well he thought he had managed the trick!) she shrank from him as if
+he had been a demon of wickedness, ordered him out of the carriage, and
+went home by herself, convinced that she had committed some tremendous
+sin.
+
+While, then, her coach jingled away to Caroline Place, Perkins,
+once more alone, bent his steps in the same direction. A desperate,
+heart-stricken man, he passed by the beloved's door, saw lights in the
+front drawing-room, felt probably that she was there; but he could not
+go in. Moodily he paced down Doughty Street, and turning abruptly
+into Bedford Row, rushed into his own chambers, where Mrs. Snooks, the
+laundress, had prepared his humble Sabbath meal.
+
+A cheerful fire blazed in his garret, and Mrs. Snooks had prepared for
+him the favourite blade-bone he loved (blest four-days' dinner for
+a bachelor--roast, cold, hashed, grilled bladebone, the fourth being
+better than the first); but although he usually did rejoice in this
+meal--ordinarily, indeed, grumbling that there was not enough to satisfy
+him--he, on this occasion, after two mouthfuls, flung down his knife and
+fork, and buried his two claws in his hair.
+
+“Snooks,” said he at last, very moodily, “remove this d---- mutton, give
+me my writing things, and some hot brandy-and-water.”
+
+This was done without much alarm: for you must know that Perkins used to
+dabble in poetry, and ordinarily prepare himself for composition by this
+kind of stimulus.
+
+He wrote hastily a few lines.
+
+“Snooks, put on your bonnet,” said he, “and carry this--YOU KNOW WHERE!”
+ he added, in a hollow, heart-breaking tone of voice, that affected poor
+Snooks almost to tears. She went, however, with the note, which was to
+this purpose:--
+
+“Lucy! Lucy! my soul's love--what, what has happened? I am writing
+this”--(a gulp of brandy-and-water)--“in a state bordering on
+distraction--madness--insanity” (another). “Why did you send me out of
+the coach in that cruel cruel way? Write to me a word, a line--tell
+me, tell me, I may come to you--and leave me not in this agonising
+condition; your faithful” (glog--glog--glog--the whole glass)--“J.P.”
+
+He never signed John Perkins in full--he couldn't, it was so unromantic.
+
+Well, this missive was despatched by Mrs. Snooks, and Perkins, in
+a fearful state of excitement, haggard, wild, and with more
+brandy-and-water, awaited the return of his messenger.
+
+When at length, after about an absence of forty years, as it seemed to
+him, the old lady returned with a large packet, Perkins seized it with
+a trembling hand, and was yet more frightened to see the handwriting of
+Mrs. or Miss Biggs.
+
+“MY DEAR MR. PERKINS,” she began--“Although I am not your soul's adored,
+I performed her part for once, since I have read your letter, as I told
+her. You need not be very much alarmed, although Lucy is at this moment
+in bed and unwell: for the poor girl has had a sad scene at her grand
+uncle's house in Baker Street, and came home very much affected. Rest,
+however, will restore her, for she is not one of your nervous sort; and
+I hope when you come in the morning, you will see her as blooming as she
+was when you went out to-day on that unlucky walk.
+
+“See what Sir George Gorgon says of us all! You won't challenge him, I
+know, as he is to be your uncle, and so I may show you his letter.
+
+“Good-night, my dear John. Do not go QUITE distracted before morning;
+and believe me your loving aunt,
+                                           “JEMIMA BIGGS.”
+
+                                “41 BAKER STREET:  11th December.
+
+“MAJOR-GENERAL SIR GEORGE GORGON has heard with the utmost disgust and
+surprise of the engagement which Miss Lucy Gorgon has thought fit to
+form.
+
+“The Major-General cannot conceal his indignation at the share which
+Miss Biggs has taken in this disgraceful transaction.
+
+“Sir George Gorgon puts an absolute veto upon all further communication
+between his niece and the low-born adventurer who has been admitted into
+her society, and begs to say that Lieutenant Fitch, of the Lifeguards,
+is the gentleman who he intends shall marry Miss Gorgon.
+
+“It is the Major-General's wish, that on the 28th Miss Gorgon should be
+ready to come to his house, in Baker Street, where she will be more safe
+from impertinent intrusions than she has been in Mucklebury Square.
+
+       “MRS. BIGGS,
+          “Caroline Place,
+              “Mecklenburgh Square.”
+
+When poor John Perkins read this epistle, blank rage and wonder filled
+his soul, at the audacity of the little General, who thus, without
+the smallest title in the world, pretended to dispose of the hand
+and fortune of his niece. The fact is, that Sir George had such a
+transcendent notion of his own dignity and station, that it never for a
+moment entered his head that his niece, or anybody else connected with
+him, should take a single step in life without previously receiving his
+orders; and Mr. Fitch, a baronet's son, having expressed an admiration
+of Lucy, Sir George had determined that his suit should be accepted, and
+really considered Lucy's preference of another as downright treason.
+
+John Perkins determined on the death of Fitch as the very least
+reparation that should satisfy him; and vowed too that some of the
+General's blood should be shed for the words which he had dared to
+utter.
+
+We have said that William Pitt Scully, Esquire, M.P., occupied the first
+floor of Mr. Perkins's house in Bedford Row: and the reader is further
+to be informed that an immense friendship had sprung up between these
+two gentlemen. The fact is, that poor John was very much flattered
+by Scully's notice, and began in a very short time to fancy himself
+a political personage; for he had made several of Scully's speeches,
+written more than one letter from him to his constituents, and, in
+a word, acted as his gratis clerk. At least a guinea a week did Mr.
+Perkins save to the pockets of Mr. Scully, and with hearty good will
+too, for he adored the great William Pitt, and believed every word that
+dropped from the pompous lips of that gentleman.
+
+Well, after having discussed Sir George Gorgon's letter, poor Perkins,
+in the utmost fury of mind that his darling should be slandered so,
+feeling a desire for fresh air, determined to descend to the garden and
+smoke a cigar in that rural quiet spot. The night was very calm. The
+moonbeams slept softly upon the herbage of Gray's Inn gardens, and
+bathed with silver splendour Theobald's Row. A million of little frisky
+twinkling stars attended their queen, who looked with bland round face
+upon their gambols, as they peeped in and out from the azure heavens.
+Along Gray's Inn wall a lazy row of cabs stood listlessly, for who would
+call a cab on such a night? Meanwhile their drivers, at the alehouse
+near, smoked the short pipe or quaffed the foaming beer. Perhaps from
+Gray's Inn Lane some broken sounds of Irish revelry might rise. Issuing
+perhaps from Raymond Buildings gate, six lawyers' clerks might whoop a
+tipsy song--or the loud watchman yell the passing hour; but beyond this
+all was silence; and young Perkins, as he sat in the summerhouse at the
+bottom of the garden, and contemplated the peaceful heaven, felt some
+influences of it entering into his soul, and almost forgetting revenge,
+thought but of peace and love.
+
+Presently, he was aware there was someone else pacing the garden.
+Who could it be?--Not Blatherwick, for he passed the Sabbath with his
+grandmamma at Clapham; not Scully surely, for he always went to Bethesda
+Chapel, and to a select prayer-meeting afterwards. Alas! it WAS Scully;
+for though that gentleman SAID that he went to chapel, we have it for
+a fact that he did not always keep his promise, and was at this moment
+employed in rehearsing an extempore speech, which he proposed to deliver
+at St. Stephen's.
+
+“Had I, sir,” spouted he, with folded arms, slowly pacing to and
+fro--“Had I, sir, entertained the smallest possible intention of
+addressing the House on the present occasion--hum, on the present
+occasion--I would have endeavoured to prepare myself in a way that
+should have at least shown my sense of the greatness of the subject
+before the House's consideration, and the nature of the distinguished
+audience I have the honour to address. I am, sir, a plain man--born
+of the people--myself one of the people, having won, thank Heaven, an
+honourable fortune and position by my own honest labour; and standing
+here as I do--”
+
+                    *          *          *
+
+Here Mr. Scully (it may be said that he never made a speech without
+bragging about himself: and an excellent plan it is, for people cannot
+help believing you at last)--here, I say, Mr. Scully, who had one arm
+raised, felt himself suddenly tipped on the shoulder, and heard a voice
+saying, “Your money or your life!”
+
+The honourable gentleman twirled round as if he had been shot; the
+papers on which a great part of this impromptu was written dropped from
+his lifted hand, and some of them were actually borne on the air into
+neighbouring gardens. The man was, in fact, in the direst fright.
+
+“It's only I,” said Perkins, with rather a forced laugh, when he saw the
+effect that his wit had produced.
+
+“Only you! And pray what the dev--what right have you to--to come upon
+a man of my rank in that way, and disturb me in the midst of very
+important meditations?” asked Mr. Scully, beginning to grow fierce.
+
+“I want your advice,” said Perkins, “on a matter of the very greatest
+importance to me. You know my idea of marrying?”
+
+“Marry!” said Scully; “I thought you had given up that silly scheme. And
+how, pray, do you intend to live?”
+
+“Why, my intended has a couple of hundreds a year, and my clerkship in
+the Tape and Sealing-Wax Office will be as much more.”
+
+“Clerkship--Tape and Sealing-Wax Office--Government sinecure!--Why, good
+heavens! John Perkins, you don't tell ME that you are going to accept
+any such thing?”
+
+“It is a very small salary, certainly,” said John, who had a decent
+notion of his own merits; “but consider, six months vacation, two hours
+in the day, and those spent over the newspapers. After all, it's--”
+
+“After all it's a swindle,” roared out Mr. Scully--“a swindle upon the
+country; an infamous tax upon the people, who starve that you may
+fatten in idleness. But take this clerkship in the Tape and Sealing-Wax
+Office,” continued the patriot, his bosom heaving with noble
+indignation, and his eye flashing the purest fire,--“TAKE this
+clerkship, John Perkins, and sanction tyranny, by becoming one of its
+agents; sanction dishonesty by sharing in its plunder--do this, BUT
+never more be friend of mine. Had I a child,” said the patriot, clasping
+his hands and raising his eyes to heaven, “I would rather see him dead,
+sir--dead, dead at my feet, than the servant of a Government which all
+honest men despise.” And here, giving a searching glance at Perkins, Mr.
+Scully began tramping up and down the garden in a perfect fury.
+
+“Good heavens!” exclaimed the timid John Perkins--“don't say SO. My
+dear Mr. Scully, I'm not the dishonest character you suppose me to be--I
+never looked at the matter in this light. I'll--I'll consider of it.
+I'll tell Crampton that I will give up the place; but for Heaven's sake,
+don't let me forfeit YOUR friendship, which is dearer to me than any
+place in the world.”
+
+Mr. Scully pressed his hand, and said nothing; and though their
+interview lasted a full half-hour longer, during which they paced up and
+down the gravel walk, we shall not breathe a single syllable of their
+conversation, as it has nothing to do with our tale.
+
+The next morning, after an interview with Miss Lucy, John Perkins,
+Esquire, was seen to issue from Mrs. Biggs's house, looking particularly
+pale, melancholy, and thoughtful; and he did not stop until he reached a
+certain door in Downing Street, where was the office of a certain great
+Minister, and the offices of the clerks in his Lordship's department.
+
+The head of them was Mr. Josiah Crampton, who has now to be introduced
+to the public. He was a little old gentleman, some sixty years of age,
+maternal uncle to John Perkins; a bachelor, who had been about forty-two
+years employed in the department of which he was now the head.
+
+After waiting four hours in an ante-room, where a number of Irishmen,
+some newspaper editors, many pompous-looking political personages asking
+for the “first lord,” a few sauntering clerks, and numbers of swift
+active messengers passed to and fro;--after waiting for four hours,
+making drawings on the blotting-book, and reading the Morning Post
+for that day week, Mr. Perkins was informed that he might go into his
+uncle's room, and did so accordingly.
+
+He found a little hard old gentleman seated at a table covered with
+every variety of sealing-wax, blotting-paper, envelopes, despatch-boxes,
+green tapers, etc. etc. An immense fire was blazing in the grate, an
+immense sheet-almanack hung over that, a screen, three or four chairs,
+and a faded Turkey carpet, formed the rest of the furniture of this
+remarkable room--which I have described thus particularly, because in
+the course of a long official life, I have remarked that such is the
+invariable decoration of political rooms.
+
+“Well, John,” said the little hard old gentleman, pointing to an
+arm-chair, “I'm told you've been here since eleven. Why the deuce do you
+come so early?”
+
+“I had important business,” answered Mr. Perkins, stoutly; and as his
+uncle looked up with a comical expression of wonder, John began in a
+solemn tone to deliver a little speech which he had composed, and which
+proved him to be a very worthy, easy, silly fellow.
+
+“Sir,” said Mr. Perkins, “you have known for some time past the nature
+of my political opinions, and the intimacy which I have had the honour
+to form with one--with some of the leading members of the Liberal
+party.” (A grin from Mr. Crampton.) “When first, by your kindness, I was
+promised the clerkship in the Tape and Sealing-Wax Office, my opinions
+were not formed as they are now; and having taken the advice of the
+gentlemen with whom I act,”--(an enormous grin)--“the advice, I say,
+of the gentlemen with whom I act, and the counsel likewise of my own
+conscience, I am compelled, with the deepest grief, to say, my dear
+uncle, that I--I--”
+
+“That you--what, sir?” exclaimed little Mr. Crampton, bouncing off his
+chair. “You don't mean to say that you are such a fool as to decline the
+place?”
+
+“I do decline the place,” said Perkins, whose blood rose at the word
+“fool.” “As a man of honour, I cannot take it.”
+
+“Not take it! and how are you to live? On the rent of that house of
+yours? For, by gad, sir, if you give up the clerkship, I never will give
+you a shilling.”
+
+“It cannot be helped,” said Mr. Perkins, looking as much like a martyr
+as he possibly could, and thinking himself a very fine fellow. “I have
+talents, sir, which I hope to cultivate; and am member of a profession
+by which a man may hope to rise to the very highest offices of the
+State.”
+
+“Profession, talents, offices of the State! Are you mad, John Perkins,
+that you come to me with such insufferable twaddle as this? Why, do you
+think if you HAD been capable of rising at the bar, I would have taken
+so much trouble about getting you a place? No, sir; you are too fond of
+pleasure, and bed, and tea-parties, and small-talk, and reading novels,
+and playing the flute, and writing sonnets. You would no more rise
+at the bar than my messenger, sir. It was because I knew your
+disposition--that hopeless, careless, irresolute good-humour of
+yours--that I had determined to keep you out of danger, by placing you
+in a snug shelter, where the storms of the world would not come near
+you. You must have principles forsooth! and you must marry Miss Gorgon,
+of course: and by the time you have gone ten circuits, and had six
+children, you will have eaten up every shilling of your wife's fortune,
+and be as briefless as you are now. Who the deuce has put all this
+nonsense into your head? I think I know.”
+
+Mr. Perkins's ears tingled as these hard words saluted them; and he
+scarcely knew whether he ought to knock his uncle down, or fall at his
+feet and say, “Uncle, I have been a fool, and I know it.” The fact is,
+that in his interview with Miss Gorgon and her aunt in the morning,
+when he came to tell them of the resolution he had formed to give up
+the place, both the ladies and John himself had agreed, with a thousand
+rapturous tears and exclamations, that he was one of the noblest young
+men that ever lived, had acted as became himself, and might with perfect
+propriety give up the place, his talents being so prodigious that no
+power on earth could hinder him from being Lord Chancellor. Indeed, John
+and Lucy had always thought the clerkship quite beneath him, and were
+not a little glad, perhaps, at finding a pretext for decently refusing
+it. But as Perkins was a young gentleman whose candour was such that he
+was always swayed by the opinions of the last speaker, he did begin to
+feel now the truth of his uncle's statements, however disagreeable they
+might be.
+
+Mr. Crampton continued:--
+
+“I think I know the cause of your patriotism. Has not William Pitt
+Scully, Esquire, had something to do with it?”
+
+Mr. Perkins COULD not turn any redder than he was, but confessed with
+deep humiliation that “he HAD consulted Mr. Scully among other friends.”
+
+Mr. Crampton smiled--drew a letter from a heap before him, and tearing
+off the signature, handed over the document to his nephew. It contained
+the following paragraphs:--
+
+“Hawksby has sounded Scully: we can have him any day we want him. He
+talks very big at present, and says he would not take anything under
+a... This is absurd. He has a Yorkshire nephew coming up to town, and
+wants a place for him. There is one vacant in the Tape Office, he says:
+have you not a promise of it?”
+
+“I can't--I can't believe it,” said John; “this, sir, is some weak
+invention of the enemy. Scully is the most honourable man breathing.”
+
+“Mr. Scully is a gentleman in a very fair way to make a fortune,”
+ answered Mr. Crampton. “Look you, John--it is just as well for your sake
+that I should give you the news a few weeks before the papers, for I
+don't want you to be ruined, if I can help it, as I don't wish to have
+you on my hands. We know all the particulars of Scully's history. He was
+a Tory attorney at Oldborough; he was jilted by the present Lady Gorgon,
+turned Radical, and fought Sir George in his own borough. Sir George
+would have had the peerage he is dying for, had he not lost that second
+seat (by-the-by, my Lady will be here in five minutes), and Scully
+is now quite firm there. Well, my dear lad, we have bought your
+incorruptible Scully. Look here,”--and Mr. Crampton produced three
+Morning Posts.
+
+“'THE HONOURABLE HENRY HAWKSBY'S DINNER-PARTY.--Lord So-and-So--Duke of
+So-and-So--W. Pitt Scully, Esq. M.P.'
+
+“Hawksby is our neutral, our dinner-giver.
+
+“'LADY DIANA DOLDRUM'S ROUT.--W. Pitt Scully, Esq,' again.
+
+“'THE EARL OF MANTRAP'S GRAND DINNER.'--A Duke--four Lords--'Mr. Scully,
+and Sir George Gorgon.'”
+
+“Well, but I don't see how you have bought him; look at his votes.”
+
+“My dear John,” said Mr. Crampton, jingling his watch-seals very
+complacently, “I am letting you into fearful secrets. The great common
+end of party is to buy your opponents--the great statesman buys them for
+nothing.”
+
+Here the attendant genius of Mr. Crampton made his appearance, and
+whispered something, to which the little gentleman said, “Show her
+Ladyship in,”--when the attendant disappeared.
+
+“John,” said Mr. Crampton, with a very queer smile, “you can't stay in
+this room while Lady Gorgon is with me; but there is a little clerk's
+room behind the screen there, where you can wait until I call you.”
+
+John retired, and as he closed the door of communication, strange to
+say, little Mr. Crampton sprang up and said, “Confound the young ninny,
+he has shut the door!”
+
+Mr. Crampton then, remembering that he wanted a map in the next room,
+sprang into it, left the door half open in coming out, and was in
+time to receive Her Ladyship with smiling face as she, ushered by Mr.
+Strongitharm, majestically sailed in.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+
+BEHIND THE SCENES.
+
+In issuing from and leaving open the door of the inner room, Mr.
+Crampton had bestowed upon Mr. Perkins a look so peculiarly arch, that
+even he, simple as he was, began to imagine that some mystery was about
+to be cleared up, or some mighty matter to be discussed. Presently
+he heard the well-known voice of Lady Gorgon in conversation with his
+uncle. What could their talk be about? Mr. Perkins was dying to know,
+and--shall we say it?--advanced to the door on tiptoe and listened with
+all his might.
+
+Her Ladyship, that Juno of a woman, if she had not borrowed Venus's
+girdle to render herself irresistible, at least had adopted a tender,
+coaxing, wheedling, frisky tone, quite different from her ordinary
+dignified style of conversation. She called Mr. Crampton a naughty man,
+for neglecting his old friends, vowed that Sir George was quite hurt at
+his not coming to dine--nor fixing a day when he would come--and added,
+with a most engaging ogle, that she had three fine girls at home,
+who would perhaps make an evening pass pleasantly, even to such a gay
+bachelor as Mr. Crampton.
+
+“Madam,” said he, with much gravity, “the daughters of such a mother
+must be charming; but I, who have seen your Ladyship, am, alas! proof
+against even them.”
+
+Both parties here heaved tremendous sighs and affected to be wonderfully
+unhappy about something.
+
+“I wish,” after a pause, said Lady Gorgon--“I wish, dear Mr. Crampton,
+you would not use that odious title 'my Ladyship:' you know it always
+makes me melancholy.”
+
+“Melancholy, my dear Lady Gorgon; and why?”
+
+“Because it makes me think of another title that ought to have been
+mine--ours (I speak for dear Sir George's and my darling boy's sake,
+Heaven knows, not mine). What a sad disappointment it has been to my
+husband, that after all his services, all the promises he has had, they
+have never given him his peerage. As for me, you know--”
+
+“For you, my dear madam, I know quite well that you care for no such
+bauble as a coronet, except in so far as it may confer honour upon those
+most dear to you--excellent wife and noble mother as you are. Heigho!
+what a happy man is Sir George!”
+
+Here there was another pause, and if Mr. Perkins could have seen what
+was taking place behind the screen, he would have beheld little Mr.
+Crampton looking into Lady Gorgon's face, with as love-sick a Romeo-gaze
+as he could possibly counterfeit; while her Ladyship, blushing somewhat
+and turning her own grey gogglers up to heaven, received all his words
+for gospel, and sat fancying herself to be the best, most meritorious,
+and most beautiful creature in the three kingdoms.
+
+“You men are terrible flatterers,” continued she; “but you say right:
+for myself I value not these empty distinctions. I am growing old, Mr.
+Crampton,--yes, indeed, I am, although you smile so incredulously,--and
+let me add, that MY thoughts are fixed upon HIGHER things than earthly
+crowns. But tell me, you who are all in all with Lord Bagwig, are we
+never to have our peerage? His Majesty, I know, is not averse; the
+services of dear Sir George to a member of His Majesty's august family,
+I know, have been appreciated in the highest quarter. Ever since the
+peace we have had a promise. Four hundred pounds has Sir George spent at
+the Heralds' Office (I myself am of one of the most ancient families
+in the kingdom, Mr. Crampton), and the poor dear man's health is really
+ruined by the anxious sickening feeling of hope so long delayed.”
+
+Mr. Crampton now assumed an air of much solemnity.
+
+“My dear Lady Gorgon,” said he, “will you let me be frank with you, and
+will you promise solemnly that what I am going to tell you shall never
+be repeated to a single soul?”
+
+Lady Gorgon promised.
+
+“Well, then, since the truth you must know, you yourselves have been in
+part the cause of the delay of which you complain. You gave us two votes
+five years ago; you now only give us one. If Sir George were to go up
+to the Peers, we should lose even that one vote; and would it be common
+sense in us to incur such a loss? Mr. Scully, the Liberal, would return
+another Member of his own way of thinking; and as for the Lords, we
+have, you know, a majority there.”
+
+“Oh, that horrid man!” said Lady Gorgon, cursing Mr. Scully in her
+heart, and beginning to play a rapid tattoo with her feet, “that
+miscreant, that traitor, that--that attorney has been our ruin.”
+
+“Horrid man, if you please, but give me leave to tell you that the
+horrid man is not the sole cause of your ruin--if ruin you will call it.
+I am sorry to say that I do candidly think Ministers believe that Sir
+George Gorgon has lost his influence in Oldborough as much through his
+own fault as through Mr. Scully's cleverness.”
+
+“Our own fault! Good heavens! Have we not done everything--everything
+that persons of our station in the county could do, to keep those
+misguided men? Have we not remonstrated, threatened, taken away our
+custom from the Mayor, established a Conservative apothecary--in
+fact, done all that gentlemen could do? But these are such times, Mr.
+Crampton: the spirit of revolution is abroad, and the great families of
+England are menaced by democratic insolence.”
+
+This was Sir George Gorgon's speech always after dinner, and was
+delivered by his lady with a great deal of stateliness. Somewhat,
+perhaps, to her annoyance, Mr. Crampton only smiled, shook his head, and
+said--
+
+“Nonsense, my dear Lady Gorgon--pardon the phrase, but I am a plain old
+man, and call things by their names. Now, will you let me whisper in
+your ear one word of truth? You have tried all sorts of remonstrances,
+and exerted yourself to maintain your influence in every way, except the
+right one, and that is--”
+
+“What, in Heaven's name?”
+
+“Conciliation. We know your situation in the borough. Mr. Scully's
+whole history, and, pardon me for saying so (but we men in office know
+everything), yours--”
+
+Lady Gorgon's ears and cheeks now assumed the hottest hue of crimson.
+She thought of her former passages with Scully, and of the days
+when--but never mind when: for she suffered her veil to fall, and buried
+her head in the folds of her handkerchief. Vain folds! The wily
+little Mr. Crampton could see all that passed behind the cambric, and
+continued--
+
+“Yes, madam, we know the absurd hopes that were formed by a certain
+attorney twenty years since. We know how, up to this moment, he boasts
+of certain walks--”
+
+“With the governess--we were always with the governess!” shrieked out
+Lady Gorgon, clasping her hands. “She was not the wisest of women.”
+
+“With the governess, of course,” said Mr. Crampton, firmly. “Do you
+suppose that any man dare breathe a syllable against your spotless
+reputation? Never, my dear madam; but what I would urge is this--you
+have treated your disappointed admirer too cruelly.”
+
+“What! the traitor who has robbed us of our rights?”
+
+“He never would have robbed you of your rights if you had been more kind
+to him. You should be gentle, madam; you should forgive him--you should
+be friends with him.”
+
+“With a traitor, never!”
+
+“Think what made him a traitor, Lady Gorgon; look in your glass, and say
+if there be not some excuse for him? Think of the feelings of the man
+who saw beauty such as yours--I am a plain man and must speak--virtue
+such as yours, in the possession of a rival. By heavens, madam, I think
+he was RIGHT to hate Sir George Gorgon! Would you have him allow such a
+prize to be ravished from him without a pang on his part?”
+
+“He was, I believe, very much attached to me,” said Lady Gorgon, quite
+delighted; “but you must be aware that a young man of his station in
+life could not look up to a person of my rank.”
+
+“Surely not: it was monstrous pride and arrogance in Mr. Scully. But
+que voulez-vous? Such is the world's way. Scully could not help loving
+you--who that knows you can? I am a plain man, and say what I think.
+He loves you still. Why make an enemy of him, who would at a word be at
+your feet? Dearest Lady Gorgon, listen to me. Sir George Gorgon and Mr.
+Scully have already met--their meeting was our contrivance. It is for
+our interest, for yours, that they should be friends. If there were two
+Ministerial Members for Oldborough, do you think your husband's peerage
+would be less secure? I am not at liberty to tell you all I know on this
+subject; but do, I entreat you, be reconciled to him.”
+
+And after a little more conversation, which was carried on by Mr.
+Crampton in the same tender way, this important interview closed, and
+Lady Gorgon, folding her shawl round her, threaded certain mysterious
+passages and found her way to her carriage in Whitehall.
+
+“I hope you have not been listening, you rogue?” said Mr. Crampton to
+his nephew, who blushed most absurdly by way of answer. “You would have
+heard great State secrets, if you had dared to do so. That woman is
+perpetually here, and if peerages are to be had for the asking, she
+ought to have been a duchess by this time. I would not have admitted her
+but for a reason that I have. Go you now and ponder upon what you have
+heard and seen. Be on good terms with Scully, and, above all, speak not
+a word concerning our interview--no, not a word even to your mistress.
+By the way, I presume, sir, you will recall your resignation?”
+
+The bewildered Perkins was about to stammer out a speech, when his
+uncle, cutting it short, pushed him gently out of the door.
+
+                    *          *          *
+
+At the period when the important events occurred which have been
+recorded here, parties ran very high, and a mighty struggle for the
+vacant Speakership was about to come on. The Right Honourable Robert
+Pincher was the Ministerial candidate, and Sir Charles Macabaw was
+patronised by the Opposition. The two Members for Oldborough of course
+took different sides, the baronet being of the Pincher faction, while
+Mr. William Pitt Scully strongly supported the Macabaw party.
+
+It was Mr. Scully's intention to deliver an impromptu speech upon the
+occasion of the election, and he and his faithful Perkins prepared
+it between them: for the latter gentleman had wisely kept his uncle's
+counsel and his own and Mr. Scully was quite ignorant of the conspiracy
+that was brooding. Indeed, so artfully had that young Machiavel of a
+Perkins conducted himself, that when asked by his patron whether he had
+given up his place in the Tape and Sealing Wax Office, he replied that
+“he HAD tendered his resignation,” but did not say one word about having
+recalled it.
+
+“You were right, my boy, quite right,” said Mr. Scully. “A man of
+uncompromising principles should make no compromise.” And herewith he
+sat down and wrote off a couple of letters, one to Mr. Hawksby, telling
+him that the place in the Sealing-Wax Office was, as he had reason to
+know, vacant; and the other to his nephew, stating that it was to be
+his. “Under the rose, my dear Bob,” added Mr. Scully, “it will cost you
+five hundred pounds; but you cannot invest your money better.”
+
+It is needless to state that the affair was to be conducted “with the
+strictest secresy and honour,” and that the money was to pass through
+Mr. Scully's hands.
+
+While, however, the great Pincher and Macabaw question was yet
+undecided, an event occurred to Mr. Scully, which had a great influence
+upon his after-life. A second grand banquet was given at the Earl of
+Mantrap's: Lady Mantrap requested him to conduct Lady Gorgon to dinner;
+and the latter, with a charming timidity, and a gracious melancholy look
+into his face (after which her veined eyelids veiled her azure eyes),
+put her hand into the trembling one of Mr. Scully and said as much as
+looks could say, “Forgive and forget.”
+
+Down went Scully to dinner. There were dukes on his right hand and earls
+on his left; there were but two persons without title in the midst of
+that glittering assemblage; the very servants looked like noblemen. The
+cook had done wonders; the wines were cool and rich, and Lady Gorgon was
+splendid! What attention did everybody pay to her and to him! Why WOULD
+she go on gazing into his face with that tender imploring look? In
+other words, Scully, after partaking of soup and fish (he, during their
+discussion, had been thinking over all the former love-and-hate passages
+between himself and Lady Gorgon), turned very red, and began talking to
+her.
+
+“Were you not at the opera on Tuesday?” began he, assuming at once the
+airs of a man of fashion. “I thought I caught a glimpse of you in the
+Duchess of Diddlebury's box.”
+
+“Opera, Mr. Scully?” (pronouncing the word “Scully” with the utmost
+softness). “Ah, no! we seldom go, and yet too often. For serious persons
+the enchantments of that place are too dangerous. I am so nervous--so
+delicate; the smallest trifle so agitates, depresses, or irritates me,
+that I dare not yield myself up to the excitement of music. I am too
+passionately attached to it; and, shall I tell you? it has such a
+strange influence upon me, that the smallest false note almost drives me
+to distraction, and for that very reason I hardly ever go to a concert
+or a ball.”
+
+“Egad,” thought Scully, “I recollect when she would dance down a matter
+of five-and-forty couple, and jingle away at the 'Battle of Prague' all
+day.”
+
+She continued: “Don't you recollect, I do, with--oh, what regret!--that
+day at Oldborough race-ball, when I behaved with such sad rudeness to
+you? You will scarcely believe me, and yet I assure you 'tis the fact,
+the music had made me almost mad. Do let me ask your pardon for my
+conduct. I was not myself. Oh, Mr. Scully! I am no worldly woman; I
+know my duties, and I feel my wrongs. Nights and days have I lain awake
+weeping and thinking of that unhappy day--that I should ever speak so to
+an old friend; for we WERE old friends, were we not?”
+
+Scully did not speak; but his eyes were bursting out of his head, and
+his face was the exact colour of a deputy-lieutenant's uniform.
+
+“That I should ever forget myself and you so! How I have been longing
+for this opportunity to ask you to forgive me! I asked Lady Mantrap,
+when I heard you were to be here, to invite me to her party. Come, I
+know you will forgive me--your eyes say you will. You used to look so in
+old days, and forgive me my caprices THEN. Do give me a little wine--we
+will drink to the memory of old days.”
+
+Her eyes filled with tears; and poor Scully's hand caused such a
+rattling and trembling of the glass and the decanter that the Duke
+of Doldrum--who had been, during the course of this whispered
+sentimentality, describing a famous run with the Queen's hounds at the
+top of his voice--stopped at the jingling of the glass, and his tale
+was lost for ever. Scully hastily drank his wine, and Lady Gorgon turned
+round to her next neighbour, a little gentleman in black, between whom
+and herself certain conscious looks passed.
+
+“I am glad poor Sir George is not here,” said he, smiling.
+
+Lady Gorgon said, “Pooh, for shame!” The little gentleman was no other
+than Josiah Crampton, Esquire, that eminent financier, and he was now
+going through the curious calculation before mentioned, by which you BUY
+A MAN FOR NOTHING. He intended to pay the very same price for Sir George
+Gorgon, too; but there was no need to tell the baronet so; only of this
+the reader must be made aware.
+
+While Mr. Crampton was conducting this intrigue, which was to bring a
+new recruit to the Ministerial ranks, his mighty spirit condescended to
+ponder upon subjects of infinitely less importance, and to arrange plans
+for the welfare of his nephew and the young woman to whom he had made
+a present of his heart. These young persons, as we said before, had
+arranged to live in Mr. Perkins's own house in Bedford Row. It was of a
+peculiar construction, and might more properly be called a house and
+a half: for a snug little tenement of four chambers protruded from the
+back of the house into the garden. These rooms communicated with the
+drawing-rooms occupied by Mr. Scully; and Perkins, who acted as his
+friend and secretary, used frequently to sit in the one nearest the
+Member's study, in order that he might be close at hand to confer
+with that great man. The rooms had a private entrance too, were newly
+decorated, and in them the young couple proposed to live; the kitchen
+and garrets being theirs likewise. What more could they need? We
+are obliged to be particular in describing these apartments, for
+extraordinary events occurred therein.
+
+To say the truth, until the present period Mr. Crampton had taken no
+great interest in his nephew's marriage, or, indeed, in the young man
+himself. The old gentleman was of a saturnine turn, and inclined
+to undervalue the qualities of Mr. Perkins, which were idleness,
+simplicity, enthusiasm, and easy good-nature.
+
+“Such fellows never do anything in the world,” he would say, and for
+such he had accordingly the most profound contempt. But when, after
+John Perkins's repeated entreaties, he had been induced to make the
+acquaintance of Miss Gorgon, he became instantly charmed with her, and
+warmly espoused her cause against her overbearing relations.
+
+At his suggestion she wrote back to decline Sir George Gorgon's
+peremptory invitation, and hinted at the same time that she had attained
+an age and a position which enabled her to be the mistress of her own
+actions. To this letter there came an answer from Lady Gorgon which we
+shall not copy, but which simply stated that Miss Lucy Gorgon's conduct
+was unchristian, ungrateful, unladylike, and immodest; that the Gorgon
+family disowned her for the future, and left her at liberty to form
+whatever base connections she pleased.
+
+“A pretty world this,” said Mr. Crampton, in a great rage, when the
+letter was shown to him. “This same fellow, Scully, dissuades my nephew
+from taking a place, because Scully wants it for himself. This prude of
+a Lady Gorgon cries out shame, and disowns an innocent amiable girl: she
+a heartless jilt herself once, and a heartless flirt now. The Pharisees,
+the Pharisees! And to call mine a base family, too!”
+
+Now, Lady Gorgon did not in the least know Mr. Crampton's connection
+with Mr. Perkins, or she would have been much more guarded in her
+language; but whether she knew it or not, the old gentleman felt a huge
+indignation, and determined to have his revenge.
+
+“That's right, Uncle! SHALL I call Gorgon out?” said the impetuous young
+Perkins, who was all for blood.
+
+“John, you are a fool,” said his uncle. “You shall have a better
+revenge: you shall be married from Sir George Gorgon's house, and you
+shall see Mr. William Pitt Scully sold for nothing.” This to the veteran
+diplomatist seemed to be the highest triumph which man could possibly
+enjoy.
+
+It was very soon to take place: and, as has been the case ever since the
+world began, woman, lovely woman was to be the cause of Scully's fall.
+The tender scene at Lord Mantrap's was followed by many others equally
+sentimental. Sir George Gorgon called upon his colleague the very next
+day, and brought with him a card from Lady Gorgon inviting Mr. Scully
+to dinner. The attorney eagerly accepted the invitation, was received
+in Baker Street by the whole amiable family with much respectful
+cordiality, and was pressed to repeat his visits as country neighbours
+should. More than once did he call, and somehow always at the hour when
+Sir George was away at his club, or riding in the Park, or elsewhere
+engaged. Sir George Gorgon was very old, very feeble, very much
+shattered in constitution. Lady Gorgon used to impart her fears to Mr.
+Scully every time he called there, and the sympathising attorney used to
+console her as best he might. Sir George's country agent neglected the
+property--his lady consulted Mr. Scully concerning it. He knew to a
+fraction how large her jointure was; how she was to have Gorgon Castle
+for her life; and how, in the event of the young baronet's death (he,
+too, was a sickly poor boy), the chief part of the estates, bought by
+her money, would be at her absolute disposal.
+
+“What a pity these odious politics prevent me from having you for our
+agent,” would Lady Gorgon say; and indeed Scully thought it was a pity
+too. Ambitious Scully! what wild notions filled his brain. He used to
+take leave of Lady Gorgon and ruminate upon these things; and when he
+was gone, Sir George and her Ladyship used to laugh.
+
+“If we can but commit him--if we can but make him vote for Pincher,”
+ said the General, “my peerage is secure. Hawksby and Crampton as good as
+told me so.”
+
+The point had been urged upon Mr. Scully repeatedly and adroitly. “Is
+not Pincher a more experienced man than Macabaw?” would Sir George say
+to his guest over their wine. Scully allowed it. “Can't you vote for
+him on personal grounds, and say so in the House?” Scully wished he
+could--how he wished he could! Every time the General coughed, Scully
+saw his friend's desperate situation more and more, and thought how
+pleasant it would be to be lord of Gorgon Castle. “Knowing my property,”
+ cried Sir George, “as you do, and with your talents and integrity, what
+a comfort it would be could I leave you as guardian to my boy! But these
+cursed politics prevent it, my dear fellow. Why WILL you be a Radical?”
+ And Scully cursed politics too. “Hang the low-bred rogue,” added Sir
+George, when William Pitt Scully left the house: “he will do everything
+but promise.”
+
+“My dear General,” said Lady Gorgon, sidling up to him and patting him
+on his old yellow cheek--“My dear Georgy, tell me one thing,--are you
+jealous?”
+
+“Jealous, my dear! and jealous of THAT fellow--pshaw!”
+
+“Well, then, give me leave, and you shall have the promise to-morrow.”
+
+                    *          *          *
+
+To-morrow arrived. It was a remarkably fine day, and in the forenoon
+Mr. Perkins gave his accustomed knock at Scully's study, which was only
+separated from his own sitting-room by a double door. John had wisely
+followed his uncle's advice, and was on the best terms with the
+honourable Member.
+
+“Here are a few sentences,” said he, “which I think may suit
+your purpose. Great public services--undeniable merit--years of
+integrity--cause of reform, and Macabaw for ever!” He put down the
+paper. It was, in fact, a speech in favour of Mr. Macabaw.
+
+“Hush,” said Scully, rather surlily; for he was thinking how
+disagreeable it was to support Macabaw; and besides, there were clerks
+in the room, whom the thoughtless Perkins had not at first perceived. As
+soon as that gentleman saw them, “You are busy, I see,” continued he in
+a lower tone. “I came to say that I must be off duty to-day, for I am
+engaged to take a walk with some ladies of my acquaintance.”
+
+So saying, the light-hearted young man placed his hat unceremoniously on
+his head, and went off through his own door, humming a song. He was in
+such high spirits that he did not even think of closing the doors of
+communication, and Scully looked after him with a sneer.
+
+“Ladies, forsooth,” thought he; “I know who they are. This precious girl
+that he is fooling with, for one, I suppose.” He was right: Perkins was
+off on the wings of love, to see Miss Lucy; and she and Aunt Biggs
+and Uncle Crampton had promised this very day to come and look at the
+apartments which Mrs. John Perkins was to occupy with her happy husband.
+
+“Poor devil,” so continued Mr. Scully's meditations, “it is almost too
+bad to do him out of his place; but my Bob wants it, and John's girl
+has, I hear, seven thousand pounds. His uncle will get him another place
+before all that money is spent.” And herewith Mr. Scully began conning
+the speech which Perkins had made for him.
+
+He had not read it more than six times,--in truth, he was getting it by
+heart,--when his head clerk came to him from the front room, bearing
+a card: a footman had brought it, who said his lady was waiting below.
+Lady Gorgon's name was on the card! To seize his hat and rush downstairs
+was, with Mr. Scully, the work of an infinitesimal portion of time.
+
+It was indeed Lady Gorgon in her Gorgonian chariot.
+
+“Mr. Scully,” said she, popping her head out of window and smiling in a
+most engaging way, “I want to speak to you, on something very particular
+INDEED”--and she held him out her hand. Scully pressed it most tenderly:
+he hoped all heads in Bedford Row were at the windows to see him. “I
+can't ask you into the carriage, for you see the governess is with me,
+and I want to talk secrets to you.”
+
+“Shall I go and make a little promenade?” said mademoiselle, innocently.
+And her mistress hated her for that speech.
+
+“No. Mr. Scully, I am sure, will let me come in for five minutes?”
+
+Mr. Scully was only too happy. My Lady descended and walked upstairs,
+leaning on the happy solicitor's arm. But how should he manage? The
+front room was consecrated to clerks; there were clerks too, as ill-luck
+would have it, in his private room. “Perkins is out for the day,”
+ thought Scully; “I will take her into his room.” And into Perkins's
+room he took her--ay, and he shut the double doors after him too, and
+trembled as he thought of his own happiness.
+
+“What a charming little study,” said Lady Gorgon, seating herself. And
+indeed it was very pretty: for Perkins had furnished it beautifully, and
+laid out a neat tray with cakes, a cold fowl, and sherry, to entertain
+his party withal. “And do you bachelors always live so well?” continued
+she, pointing to the little cold collation.
+
+Mr. Scully looked rather blank when he saw it, and a dreadful suspicion
+crossed his soul; but there was no need to trouble Lady Gorgon with
+explanations: therefore, at once, and with much presence of mind, he
+asked her to partake of his bachelor's fare (she would refuse Mr. Scully
+nothing that day). A pretty sight would it have been for young Perkins
+to see strangers so unceremoniously devouring his feast. She drank--Mr.
+Scully drank--and so emboldened was he by the draught that he actually
+seated himself by the side of Lady Gorgon, on John Perkins's new sofa.
+
+Her Ladyship had of course something to say to him. She was a pious
+woman, and had suddenly conceived a violent wish for building a chapel
+of ease at Oldborough, to which she entreated him to subscribe. She
+enlarged upon the benefits that the town would derive from it, spoke
+of Sunday-schools, sweet spiritual instruction, and the duty of all
+well-minded persons to give aid to the scheme.
+
+“I will subscribe a hundred pounds,” said Scully, at the end of her
+Ladyship's harangue: “would I not do anything for you?”
+
+“Thank you, thank you, dear Mr. Scully,” said the enthusiastic woman.
+(How the “dear” went burning through his soul!) “Ah!” added she, “if
+you WOULD but do anything for me--if you, who are so eminently, so truly
+distinguished, in a religious point of view, would but see the truth
+in politics too; and if I could see your name among those of the true
+patriot party in this empire, how blest--oh! how blest should I be! Poor
+Sir George often says he should go to his grave happy, could he but
+see you the guardian of his boy; and I, your old friend (for we WERE
+friends, William), how have I wept to think of you as one of those who
+are bringing our monarchy to ruin. Do, do promise me this too!” And she
+took his hand and pressed it between hers.
+
+The heart of William Pitt Scully, during this speech, was thumping
+up and down with a frightful velocity and strength. His old love, the
+agency of the Gorgon property--the dear widow--five thousand a year
+clear--a thousand delicious hopes rushed madly through his brain, and
+almost took away his reason. And there she sat--she, the loved one,
+pressing his hand and looking softly into his eyes.
+
+Down, down he plumped on his knees.
+
+“Juliana!” shrieked he, “don't take away your hand! My love--my only
+love!--speak but those blessed words again! Call me William once more,
+and do with me what you will.”
+
+Juliana cast down her eyes and said, in the very smallest type,
+“William!”
+
+                    *          *          *
+--when the door opened, and in walked Mr. Crampton, leading Mrs. Biggs,
+who could hardly contain herself for laughing, and Mr. John Perkins, who
+was squeezing the arm of Miss Lucy. They had heard every word of the two
+last speeches.
+
+For at the very moment when Lady Gorgon had stopped at Mr. Scully's
+door, the four above-named individuals had issued from Great James
+Street into Bedford Row.
+
+Lucy cried out that it was her aunt's carriage, and they all saw Mr.
+Scully come out, bare-headed, in the sunshine, and my Lady descend, and
+the pair go into the house. They meanwhile entered by Mr. Perkins's own
+private door, and had been occupied in examining the delightful rooms
+on the ground-floor, which were to be his dining-room and library--from
+which they ascended a stair to visit the other two rooms, which were to
+form Mrs. John Perkins's drawing-room and bedroom. Now whether it was
+that they trod softly, or that the stairs were covered with a grand new
+carpet and drugget, as was the case, or that the party within were too
+much occupied in themselves to heed any outward disturbances, I know
+not; but Lucy, who was advancing with John (he was saying something
+about one of the apartments, the rogue!)--Lucy started and whispered,
+“There is somebody in the rooms!” and at that instant began the speech
+already reported, “THANK YOU, THANK YOU, DEAR MR. SCULLY,” etc. etc.,
+which was delivered by Lady Gorgon in a full clear voice; for, to do her
+Ladyship justice, SHE had not one single grain of love for Mr. Scully,
+and during the delivery of her little oration, was as cool as the
+coolest cucumber.
+
+Then began the impassioned rejoinder, to which the four listened on
+the landing-place; and then the little “William,” as narrated above: at
+which juncture Mr. Crampton thought proper to rattle at the door, and,
+after a brief pause, to enter with his party.
+
+“William” had had time to bounce off his knees, and was on a chair at
+the other end of the room.
+
+“What, Lady Gorgon!” said Mr. Crampton, with excellent surprise, “how
+delighted I am to see you! Always, I see employed in works of charity”
+ (the chapel-of-ease paper was on her knees), “and on such an occasion,
+too,--it is really the most wonderful coincidence! My dear madam, here
+is a silly fellow, a nephew of mine, who is going to marry a silly girl,
+a niece of your own.”
+
+“Sir, I--” began Lady Gorgon, rising.
+
+“They heard every word,” whispered Mr. Crampton eagerly. “Come forward,
+Mr. Perkins, and show yourself.” Mr. Perkins made a genteel bow. “Miss
+Lucy, please to shake hands with your aunt; and this, my dear madam, is
+Mrs. Biggs, of Mecklenburgh Square, who, if she were not too old, might
+marry a gentleman in the Treasury, who is your very humble servant.” And
+with this gallant speech, old Mr. Crampton began helping everybody to
+sherry and cake.
+
+As for William Pitt Scully, he had disappeared, evaporated, in the
+most absurd sneaking way imaginable. Lady Gorgon made good her retreat
+presently, with much dignity, her countenance undismayed, and her face
+turned resolutely to the foe.
+
+                    *          *          *
+
+About five days afterwards, that memorable contest took place in the
+House of Commons, in which the partisans of Mr. Macabaw were so very
+nearly getting him the Speakership. On the day that the report of the
+debate appeared in the Times, there appeared also an announcement in the
+Gazette as follows:--
+
+“The King has been pleased to appoint John Perkins, Esquire, to be
+Deputy-Subcomptroller of His Majesty's Tape Office and Custos of the
+Sealing-Wax Department.”
+
+Mr. Crampton showed this to his nephew with great glee, and was
+chuckling to think how Mr. William Pitt Scully would be annoyed, who
+had expected the place, when Perkins burst out laughing and said, “By
+heavens, here is my own speech! Scully has spoken every word of it; he
+has only put in Mr. Pincher's name in the place of Mr. Macabaw's.”
+
+“He is ours now,” responded his uncle, “and I told you WE WOULD HAVE HIM
+FOR NOTHING. I told you, too, that you should be married from Sir George
+Gorgon's, and here is proof of it.”
+
+It was a letter from Lady Gorgon, in which she said that, “had she known
+Mr. Perkins to be a nephew of her friend Mr. Crampton, she never for
+a moment would have opposed his marriage with her niece, and she
+had written that morning to her dear Lucy, begging that the marriage
+breakfast should take place in Baker Street.”
+
+“It shall be in Mecklenburgh Square,” said John Perkins stoutly; and in
+Mecklenburgh Square it was.
+
+William Pitt Scully, Esquire, was, as Mr. Crampton said, hugely annoyed
+at the loss of the place for his nephew. He had still, however, his
+hopes to look forward to, but these were unluckily dashed by the coming
+in of the Whigs. As for Sir George Gorgon, when he came to ask about his
+peerage, Hawksby told him that they could not afford to lose him in the
+Commons, for a Liberal Member would infallibly fill his place.
+
+And now that the Tories are out and the Whigs are in, strange to say a
+Liberal does fill his place. This Liberal is no other than Sir George
+Gorgon himself, who is still longing to be a lord, and his lady is still
+devout and intriguing. So that the Members for Oldborough have
+changed sides, and taunt each other with apostasy, and hate each other
+cordially. Mr. Crampton still chuckles over the manner in which he
+tricked them both, and talks of those five minutes during which he
+stood on the landing-place, and hatched and executed his “Bedford-Row
+Conspiracy.”
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Bedford-Row Conspiracy, by
+William Makepeace Thackeray
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