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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 104,
+January 21, 1893, by Various
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 104, January 21, 1893
+
+Author: Various
+
+Editor: Francis Burnand
+
+Release Date: February 27, 2007 [EBook #20704]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Matt Whittaker, Juliet Sutherland and the
+Online Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+PUNCH,
+
+OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
+
+VOL. 104.
+
+
+
+
+January 21, 1893.
+
+
+
+
+CONVERSATIONAL HINTS FOR YOUNG SHOOTERS.
+
+THE KEEPER.
+
+(_With an Excursus on Beaters._)
+
+Of the many varieties of keeper, I propose, at present, to consider only
+the average sort of keeper, who looks after a shooting, comprising
+partridges, pheasants, hares, and rabbits, in an English county. Now it is
+to be observed that your ordinary keeper is not a conversational animal. He
+has, as a rule, too much to do to waste time in unnecessary talk. To begin
+with, he has to control his staff, the men and boys who walk in line with
+you through the root-fields, or beat the coverts for pheasants. That might
+seem at first sight to be an easy business, but it is actually one of the
+most difficult in the world. For thorough perverse stupidity, you will not
+easily match the autochthonous beater. Watch him as he trudges along, slow,
+expressionless, clod-resembling, lethargic, and say how you would like to
+be the chief of such an army. He is always getting out of line, pressing
+forward unduly, or hanging back too much, and the loud voice of the keeper
+makes the woods resound with remonstrance, entreaty, and blame, hurled at
+his bovine head. After lunch, it is true, the beater wakes up for a little.
+Then shall you hear WILLIAM exchanging confidences from one end of the line
+to the other with JARGE, while the startled pheasant rises too soon and
+goes back, to the despair of the keeper and the guns. Then, too, are heard
+the shouts of laughter which greet the appearance of a rabbit, and the air
+is thick with the sticks that the joyous, beery beaters fling at the
+scurrying form of their hereditary foe. It is marvellous to note with what
+a venomous hatred the beater regards the bunny. Pheasant or partridge he is
+careless of; even the hare is, in comparison, a thing of nought, but let
+him once set eyes on a rabbit, and his whole being seems to change. His eye
+absolutely flashes, his chest heaves with excitement beneath the ancient
+piece of sacking that protects his form from thorns. If the rabbit falls to
+the shot, he yells with exultation; if it be missed, an expression of
+morose and gloomy disappointment settles on his face, as who should say,
+"Things are played out; the world is worthless!"
+
+[Illustration: On their Beat.]
+
+All these characteristics are the keeper's despair; though, to be sure, he
+has staunch lieutenants in his under-keepers; and towards the end of the
+day he can always count on two sympathising allies in the postman and the
+policeman. These two never fail to come out in the afternoon to join the
+beaters. It is amusing to watch the demeanour of the beaters in the
+policeman's presence. Some of them, it is possible, have been immeshed by
+the law, and have made the constable's acquaintance in his professional
+capacity. Others are conscious of undiscovered peccadilloes, or they feel
+that on some future day they may be led to transgress rules, of which the
+policeman is the sturdy embodiment. None of them is, therefore, quite at
+his best in the policeman's presence. Their attitude may be described
+as one of uneasy familiarity, bursting here and there into jocular
+nervousness, but never quite attaining the rollicking point. You may
+sometimes take advantage of this feeling to let off a joke on a beater.
+Select a stout, plethoric one, and say to him, "Mind you keep your eye on
+the policeman, or he'll poach a rabbit before you can say knife." This
+simple inversion of probabilities and positions is quite certain to "go." A
+hesitating smile will first creep into the corners of the beater's eye.
+After an interval spent in grappling with the jest, he will become purple,
+and finally he will explode.
+
+During the rest of the day you will hear him repeating your little
+pleasantry either to himself or to his companions. You can keep it up by
+saying now and then, "How many did the constable pocket that last beat?"
+(_Shouts of laughter._) Thus shall your reputation as a humorist be
+established amongst the beating fraternity--("that 'ere Muster JACKSON, 'e
+do make a chap laugh, that 'e do," is the formula)--and if you revisit the
+same shooting next year, a beater is sure to take an opportunity of saying
+to you, with a grin on his face, "Policeman's a comin' out to-day, Sir; I'm
+a goin' to hev my eye tight on 'im, so as 'e don't pocket no rabbits," to
+which you will reply, "That's right, GEORGE, you stick to it, and you'll be
+a policeman yourself some day," at which impossible anticipation there will
+be fresh explosions of mirth. So easily pleased is the rustic mind, so
+tenacious is the rustic memory.
+
+But the head-keeper recks not of these things. All the anxiety of the day
+is his. If, for one reason or another, he fails to show as good a head of
+game as had been expected, he knows his master will be displeased. If the
+beaters prove intractable, the birds go wrong, but the burden of the host's
+disappointment falls on the keeper's shoulders. His are all the petty
+worries, the little failures of the day. The keeper is, therefore, not
+given to conversation. How should he be, with all these responsibilities
+weighing upon him? Few of those who shoot realise what the keeper has gone
+through to provide the sport. Inclement nights spent in the open, untiring
+vigilance by day and by night, a constant and patient care of his birds
+during the worst seasons, short hours of sleep, and long hours of tramping,
+such is the keeper's life. And, after all, what a fine fellow is a good
+keeper. In what other race of men can you find in a higher degree the best
+and manliest qualities, unswerving fidelity, dauntless courage, unflinching
+endurance of hardship and fatigue, and an upright honesty of conduct and
+demeanour? I protest that if ever the sport of game-shooting is attacked,
+one powerful argument in its favour may be found in the fact that it
+produces such men as these, and fosters their staunch virtues. Think well
+of all this, my young friend, and do not vex the harassed keeper with idle
+and frivolous remarks. But you may permit yourself to say to him, during
+the day, "That's a nice dog of yours; works capitally."
+
+"Yes, Sir," the keeper will say, "he's not a bad 'un for a young 'un.
+Plenty of good blood in him. His mother's old _Dido_. I've had to leave her
+at home to-day, because she's got a sore foot; but her nose is something
+wonderful."
+
+"Did you have much trouble breaking him?"
+
+"Lor' bless you, Sir, no. He took to it like a duck to the water. Nothing
+comes amiss to him. You stand there, Sir, and you'll get some nice birds
+over you. They mostly breaks this way."
+
+That kind of conversation establishes good relations, always an important
+thing. Or you may hint to him that he knows his business better than the
+host, as thus:--
+
+"I must have been in the wrong place that last beat. Not a single bird came
+near me."
+
+"Of course you were, Sir. I knew how it would be. I wanted you fifty yards
+higher up, but Mr. CHALMERS, he would have you here. Lor, I've never known
+birds break here. Now then, you boys, stop that chattering, or I sends you
+all home. Seem to think they're out here to enjoy theirselves, instead of
+doing as I tells 'em. Come, rattle your sticks!"
+
+Thus are the little beaters and the stops admonished.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+FROM A MODERN ENGLISH EXAMINATION-PAPER
+
+_Which young Mr. D. Brown went in to floor, but which floored him._
+
+_Question._ What is the meaning of "to deodorise." Give the derivation.
+
+_Answer._ "To deodorise" is to gild the statue of a heathen deity.
+Literally "to gild a god." This compound verb is derived from "_Deus_,"
+dative "_Deo_," and the Greek verb "[Greek: dorixo], _i.e._ to gild."
+
+_Q._ What is a "Manicure"? Give its derivation.
+
+_A._ It is another term for a Mad Doctor. Its derivation is
+obvious--"Maniac Cure." The last syllable of the first word being omitted
+for the sake of convenience in pronunciation.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: THE COMING OF THE BOGEYS.
+
+(_Mr. Punch's Dreadful New Year's Dream after a Surfeit of Mince Pies and
+"Times" Correspondence._)]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+THE COMING OF THE BOGEYS.
+
+  I had a Dream, which was not all a Dream.
+  (By Somnus and old Nox I fear 'twas _not_!)
+  Common-sense was extinguished, and Good Taste
+  Did wonder darkling on the verge of doom.
+  I saw a Monster, a malign, marine,
+  Mysterious, many-whorled, mug-lumbering Bogey,
+  Stretched (like Miltonian angels on the marl)
+  In league-long loops upon the billowy brine.
+  Beshrew thee, old familiar ocean Bogey,
+  Thou spectral spook of many Silly Seasons,
+  Beshrew thee, and avaunt! Which being put
+  In post-Shakspearian vernacular, means
+  Confound, you, and Get out!!! The monstrous worm
+  Wriggling its corkscrew periwinkly twists
+  Of trunk and tail alternate, winked huge goggles
+  Derisively and gurgled. "_Me_ get out,
+  The Science-vouched, and Literature-upheld,
+  And Reason-rehabilitated butt
+  Of many years of misdirected mockery?
+  You ask omniscient HUXLEY, cocksure oracle
+  On all from protoplasm to Home Rule,
+  From Scripture to Sea Serpents; go consult
+  Belligerent, brave, beloved BILLY RUSSELL!
+  Verisimilitude incarnate, I
+  Scorn your vain sceptic mirth!
+          Besides, behold
+  The portent riding me, as Thetis rode
+  The lolloping, wolloping sea-horse of old!
+  Is it less likely that _I_ should remain
+  Than _she_ return?"
+          Then, horror-thrilled, I gazed
+  At her, the Abominable, the Ogreish Thing;
+  The soul-revolting, sense-degrading She,
+  Who swayed and sickened, scourged and scarified
+  The unwilling slaves of fashion and discomfort
+  A quarter of a century since!
+          She sat,
+  A spectral, scraggy, beet-nosed, ankle-less,
+  Obtrusive-panted, splay-foot, slattern-shape,
+  Of grim Medusa-faced Immodesty,
+  Caged cumbrously in a stiff, swaying, swollen,
+  Shin-scarifying, hose-revealing frame
+  Of wide-meshed metal, like a monster mousetrap--
+  Hideous, indecent, awkward!
+          Oh, I knew her--
+  This loathly _revenant_, revisiting
+  The glimpses of the moon. She shamed my sight,
+  And blocked my way, and marred my young men's art,
+  Twenty years syne and more. 'Twas CRINOLINA,
+  The long-abiding, happily banished horror
+  We hoped to see no more. _Shall_ she return
+  To vex our souls, unsex our wives and daughters,
+  And spoil our pictures as she did of old?
+  Forbid it, womanhood and modesty!
+  And if _they_ won't, let manhood and sound sense
+  Arise in wrath and warn the horror off,
+  Ere she effect a lodgment on the limbs
+  Of pretty girls, or clothe our matron's shapes
+  With shame as with a garment.
+          "Get thee gone!"
+  Cries _Punch_, and shakes his gingham in her face.
+  "The Silly Season's Nemesis we may stand,
+  But thou, the loathlier Bogey? _Garn away!_
+  (As 'LIZA said to amorous 'ARRY 'AWKINS)
+  Avaunt, skedaddle, slope, absquatulate,
+  Go, gruesome ghoul--go quickly--and for ever!!!"
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+MRS. R.'S nephew read out an announcement to the effect that Messrs.
+MACMILLAN were about to publish Lord CARNARVON'S "Prometheus Bound."
+"Indeed!" exclaimed Mr. R.'s excellent aunt. "That's very vague. Doesn't it
+say how it's to be bound?--whether in calf or vellum?"
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: "AN INTERNATIONAL EPISODE."
+
+_Hostess._ "ER--ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE--ER--MR. CORNELIUS P. VAN DUNK, FROM
+CHICAGO--MR. KEMBLE MACREADY KEAN, THE GREAT TRAGEDIAN, AND MANAGER OF THE
+PARTHENON."
+
+_Mr. Van Dunk._ "MR. KEMBLE MACREADY KEAN! SIR, YOUR NAME'S VERY FAMILIAR
+TO ME, AND I'M PROUD TO KNOW YOU!--AND I SHALL TAKE AN EARLY OPPORTUNITY OF
+ASKING YOU FOR SOME ORDERS FOR YOUR THEATRE!"]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+LAPSUS LINGUAE.
+
+    ["There is scarcely one of us who does not violate some rule of
+    English grammar in every sentence which he speaks."--_Daily
+    News._]
+
+
+  Never we dreamt of this horrible blundering!
+    Up to the present, we cheerfully spoke
+  Quite unaware of our errors, nor wondering
+    How many rules in each sentence we broke.
+
+  Now we can scarcely pronounce the admission that
+    Grammar and parsing we freely neglect,
+  Scarcely can dare to make humble petition that
+    Someone or other will cure this defect!
+
+  Often we err in the use of each particle,
+    Seldom observe where our adverbs belong,
+  Wholly misplace the indefinite article,
+    In our subjunctives go hopelessly wrong!
+
+  What can we do? Will the _Daily News_ qualify
+    As an instructor in matters like these?
+  How can we quickest successfully mollify
+    Those whom our errors must sadly displease?
+
+  Scarce can we venture the veriest platitude,
+    May not its grammar be shamefully weak?
+  You, _Mr. Punch_, can rely on our gratitude,
+    If you will tell us--how _ought_ we to speak?
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+A DARK SAYING.--Had HILDA DAWSON--who, as reported in the _D. T._ one day
+last week, was haled before Sir PETER EDLIN--been a character in some play
+of SHAKSPEARE'S, to whom the Bard had given these words to utter--"And this
+is what you call trial by Jury! Why they are not fit to try shoemakers!"
+what voluminous suggestions and explanations of the meaning of this phrase
+would not the learned Commentators have written! What emendations,
+alterations, or amendments of the text would not have been proposed!
+Perhaps, some hundreds of years hence, this dark saying of HILDA DAWSON'S
+will engage the close attention of some among the then existing learned
+body of Antiquaries.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+"SOUNDS RATHER LIKE IT."--In France the Ministry of Foreign Affairs has
+gone to the DEVELLE.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+THE HAYMARKET HYPATIA.
+
+That I never could struggle through CHARLES KINGSLEY'S novel _Hypatia_, is,
+as far as I am personally concerned, very much in favour of my pronouncing
+an unbiassed opinion on the "_new classical play_" ("Historical," if you
+like, but not "classical," and there is not the slightest chance of its
+becoming a "classic") written by G. STUART OGILVIE, entitled _Hypatia_, and
+"_founded on_ KINGSLEY'S _celebrated Novel_," which "celebrated Novel" is,
+for me at least, not only "celebrated," but "remarkable," as being one of
+the very few works of fiction (excepting always the majority of KINGSLEY'S
+works) completely baffling my powers of endurance.
+
+[Illustration: The Tip for the Alexandr(i)a Park Meeting. "_Heraclian_ must
+win." Notice the _Rara Nativa Oysteriana Shrub_ in the background.]
+
+[Illustration: Cyrillus Fernandez Gladstonius Episcopus.]
+
+Mr. STUART OGILVIE'S Drama may be a clever adaptation of a story difficult
+to adapt; but that his play is powerfully dramatic, even when it arrives at
+what, as I conceive, was intended to be its strongest dramatic situation in
+the Second Scene of the Third Act, no one but an _Umbra_ (to be
+"classical"), a sycophant, a "creature," or a contentious noodle, could
+possibly assert. Yet, as a series of _tableaux vivants_, illustrating
+scenes in the public and private life of _Issachar_ the Jew,--and that
+Jew Mr. BEERBOHM TREE, so artistically made up as to be absolutely
+unrecognisable by those who know him best,--the action is decidedly
+interesting up to the end of the Third Act. After that, all is tumult. The
+gay and seductive _Orestes_, Prefect of Alexandria (carefully played by Mr.
+LEWIS WALLER) is slain, anyhow, all higgledy-piggledy, by the Jew,
+_Issachar_, whose seductive daughter _Ruth_ (sweetly and gently represented
+by Miss OLGA BRANDON) this gay LOTHARIO of a Prefect has contrived, not,
+apparently, with any great difficulty, to lead astray, or, to put it
+"classically," to seduce from the narrow path of such virtue as is common
+alike to Pagan, Jew, and Christian. As for handsome _Hypatia_ herself,
+magnificent though Miss JULIA NEILSON be as a classic model for a painter,
+she is nowhere, dramatically, in the piece, when contrasted with the
+unhappy Jewish Family of two. It is the story of _Issachar_, his daughter
+and _Orestes_, that absorbs the interest; and, as to what becomes of
+_Cyril_ and his Merry Monks, of _Philammon_ (which, when pronounced, sounds
+like a modern Cockney-rendering of PHILIP HAMMOND, with the aspirate
+omitted and the final "d" dropped), of old _Theon_ (who never appears but
+he is immediately sent away again, and therefore might be termed
+"_The-on-and-off-'un_"), and, finally, of even that charming specimen of a
+Girton Girl-Lecturer on Philosophy _Hypatia_ herself, well--to adopt HOOD'S
+couplet about the Poor in London,--
+
+    "Where they goes, or how they fares, Nobody knows and nobody
+    cares."
+
+The entire interest is centred in _Issachar_, and had the author devised
+some strong dramatic climax (such as occurs in that play of SARDOU'S where
+SARAH B. stabs PAUL BERTON) with which to finish the piece, when the
+Prefect should have been killed either by _Issachar_ or by _Miriam_ (SARDOU
+would have made _Issachar's_ daughter the heroine--the SARA BERNHARDT of
+the piece) then, in the penultimate Act, anything tragic, or otherwise,
+might picturesquely and appropriately have happened to the classic Girton
+girl, _Hypatia_, and Master _Phil 'Ammon_, the good young Monk so inclined
+to go wrong, to the great contentment of the audience.
+
+Mr. TREE makes a thoroughly oriental type of _Issachar_, and it is within
+an ace of being a grand impersonation. What that ace exactly is, it is
+somewhat difficult to say, but what _is_ wanting is wanting in his great
+scene with his daughter. If the dramatist had given him such another final
+chance as I have already suggested, the character might have been
+dramatically perfected in Mr. TREE'S hands. As it is, both by author and
+actor it is left "to be finished in our next."
+
+Mr. TERRY is good as the amatory Monk, and Miss JULIA NEILSON is
+statuesquely graceful as _Hypatia_. If I say "she is making strides in her
+profession," I must be taken to allude not to her vast improvement
+histrionically, but to the long steps which she takes across the stage.
+
+The costumes are admirable, especially that of _Issachar_, on whose attire
+the Messrs. NATHAN as Israel-lights-and-leaders must be considered high
+authorities.
+
+[Illustration: From an Ancient Vase found in the Haymarket.]
+
+Mr. ALMA TADEMA, R.A., is responsible for the designs of the scenery by
+Messrs. JOHNSTONE, HANN, HALL, and HARKER. [Great chance for 'ARRY 'ere!
+"Scenery by 'ANN--a lady artist of course--then 'ALL and then 'ARKER, from
+designs by HALMA TADEMA." "I s'pose HALMA'S a artistic shemale," 'ARRY
+would say: "cos I know as there's another HALMA on the stage, leastways on
+the Music 'All stage, and she's HALMA STANLEY."] Whatever the designing
+ALMA may have done, I cannot say much for the reproduction of his favourite
+game of marbles. The "marble halls" lack polish; but the Market Place, The
+Court of _Hypatia's_ House, _Issachar's_ snuggery, and a Street in
+Alexandria, are highly effective pictures. But I should like to know if in
+Mr. ALMA TADEMA'S design for the Monk's dress, Mr. FRED TERRY found a small
+black and silver crucifix of very modern workmanship suspended from the
+girdle, as this religious emblem did not come into use until a much later
+date. By the way, ecclesiastical ornaments must have been cheap in those
+days to warrant _Bishop Cyril_ (strongly rendered by Mr. FERNANDEZ)
+flaunting about the streets of Alexandria in such rainbow robes as, in a
+later age, would have led people to imagine that he had just broken out of
+the stained glass window of a Gothic Cathedral. Two thousand years hence
+the New Zealand dramatist may represent the Archbishop of CANTERBURY as
+walking about London in his lawn sleeves with coronation cope and mitre, or
+Cardinal HERBERT VAUGHAN as wearing his scarlet hat and robes, and riding
+in a Hansom cab, having been unable to pick up his own Cardinal's train.
+All this were hypercriticism, but that the name of ALMA TADEMA, R.A., is a
+public guarantee for academical accuracy.
+
+Anyhow, _Hypatia_, if not "a famous victory"--is at least a fine spectacle,
+with some fine acting in it, but this is mainly confined to Mr. BEERBOHM
+TREE. As the very heavy father, Mr. KEMBLE has not been allowed half a
+chance. Why should he not alternate characters with Mr. FERNANDEZ, and for
+three nights a week appear as _Cyril_ the Bishop, while FERNANDEZ would be
+_Hypatia's_ parent who has to grovel on the steps while his highly educated
+child is lecturing, who has to comfort her in her terror, and be turned out
+neck and crop whenever nobody on the scene wants him, which by the way,
+happens rather frequently.
+
+The music to a Drama is generally a minor affair, but, in this instance, it
+is both major and minor, and has been specially written for the piece by
+Dr. HUBERT PARRY. As this play is not an "adaptation from the French," the
+music of this Composer is the only _article de Parry_ about the piece, and,
+being strikingly appropriate, it proves an attraction of itself. It is
+conducted by the Wagnerian ARMBRUSTER, who, with his Merry Men, is hidden
+away under the stage, much as was the Ghost of _Hamlet's_ father whom
+_Hamlet_ irreverently styled "Old Truepenny." Altogether a notable piece.
+_Prosit!_
+
+THE B IN A BOX.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+CHEAP LAW IN THE CITY.
+
+_Probable Development of the new "London Chamber of Arbitration," for the
+economical Settlement of Disputes without recourse to Litigation_
+
+[Illustration: "'Ave yer got sich a thing as a second-hand murder defence,
+Guv'nor?"
+
+"Could you direct me to the Breach of Promise Department?"]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.
+
+The one volume entitled _My Flirtations_, written by MARGARET WYNMAN (so
+like a real name!), and published by Messrs. CHATTO AND WINDUS, consists of
+short stories setting forth the varied experiences of an uncommonly 'cute
+young lady. It is a literary portfolio of lively sketches of men and women,
+"their tricks and their manners," all most amusing, and told in a naturally
+easy and epigrammatic style. Some of the characters are evidently
+intended for portraits, which anyone living in the London world could
+easily label--(which by changing "a" into "i" would be the probable
+consequence)--were he not baffled by the art of the skilful writer, and by
+the equally skilful illustrator--our Mr. PARTRIDGE--who have, the pair
+of them, combined to throw the reader off the right scent. The one
+mistake--not a fatal error, however,--which this authoress has made,
+is that of getting herself engaged in the last story. Not married,
+fortunately; only engaged. Consequently the match can be broken off. Let
+her be "engaged" on another volume. She can be married at the end of
+volume three, and may give us her experiences as the wife of Mr.
+Whoever-it-may-be. Will the clever authoress accept this well-meant hint
+from her literary and critical admirer, THE GALLANT BARON DE B.-W.?
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+ROBERT WITH THE CHILDREN AT GILDHALL.
+
+Well, I don't quite kno as I quite hunderstans what's bin a goin on in our
+old Sacred Gildall, or weather it's all xactly what sum of our werry
+sollemest Holldermen, or ewen our werry anshent Depputys, might admire; but
+I must say, for myself, that too thowsand more owdashus boys, and larfing
+gals, I never seed nor herd than I did on Toosday larst, for about fore
+hours, in old Gildall aforesaid!
+
+Jest to show how the werry best, aye and the werry wisest on us, gets
+carried away by the site of swarms of appy children a enjoying thereselves,
+as praps they never did afore, I feels myself compelled to state, that our
+good kind Lord MARE was so delighted to see sich swarms of appy children
+all round him and looking up to him so appy and so grateful, that, jest
+afore it was time to go, he acshally told 'em a most wunderful story all
+about two great Giants as lived in the rain of King LUD, on Ludgate Hill. I
+was that estonished when he begun, as to amost think that GOG and MAGOG, as
+stood on both sides of him, would begin to grin, but that was, of course,
+only a passing delushun. But didn't all the children lissen with open
+mouths when the Lord MARE told 'em that one of the Giants had too heads,
+and the other three! and that a very good boy named JACK managed to kill
+'em both!
+
+And so all was ended but the cheering, and that the pore delited children
+kept up till they all marched out, smiling and appy, and wishing as such
+glorious heavenings was in store for them in grand old Gildall for many,
+many years to come, and with sitch a Lord Mare to see as everything was
+done as it had been done that jolly heavening.
+
+ROBERT.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+DWARFS.--Of course there are dwarfs. Lots of 'em all over the world. At
+least no experienced traveller ever yet made a stay in any country without
+becoming acquainted with plenty of people who were "uncommonly 'short' just
+at that moment,"--"that moment" being when the impecunious traveller wanted
+to obtain a slight loan. The author of _Borrow in Spain_ would have been an
+authority on such a subject.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+TRANSFORMATION SCENE.--Dear Sir, I see by the paper that "Mr. EDMUND YATES
+has been made a J. P." Odd! What does "J. P." stand for? Oh, of course,
+"JOE PARKINSON." But does "E. Y." on becoming "J. P." cease to be
+"MOI-MEME"?--Yours, M. MUDDLE.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: A TOO INQUIRING MIND.
+
+"HOW WAS _I_ MADE, MAMMIE DARLING? WAS I _KNITTED_?"]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+THE LATEST TRADE OUTRAGE!
+
+(_Scene from the New and Unpopular Sensation Drama of "The Monopoly-Monster
+and the Maid Forlorn."_)
+
+    ["A large number of complaints have reached the Board of Trade
+    with regard to increase in the new rates adopted by Railway
+    Companies as from January 1 ... among other complaints of increase
+    of rates for the conveyance of milk, grain, hay and other
+    agricultural produce, firewood, live stock, coal and coke, iron
+    and hardware."--Sir COURTENAY BOYLE _to the Secretary of the
+    Railway Companies Association_.]
+
+  Oh! who'll bring a rescue or two to the help of a much-injured Maid,
+  Thus cruelly bound hand and foot, and by miscreants ruthlessly laid
+  On the lines, in the Pathway of Peril? The Monster snorts nearer! Bohoo!
+  'Tis a Melodrame-crisis of danger!--and _who'll_ bring a rescue or two?
+
+  The Maid (British Trade), has been harried and hunted by villains and
+          robbers,
+  By bold, bad, black-masked foreign foes, and by home-bred monopolist
+          jobbers.
+  In town or in country alike the poor dear has been chevied and chased.
+  By rivals deceitful and dark, and by kindred deboshed and debased.
+
+  She once was a proud reigning beauty, who now is a maid all forlorn,
+  As hopeless and helpless, and tearful as RUTH midst the alien corn.
+  Or poor Proserpine snatched by dark Pluto afar from the day and the
+          light;
+  Torn away--like this maiden--from Ceres, and wrapt--like this maiden--in
+          night.
+
+  Perchance she was just a bit haughty in virginal safety and pride;
+  No rival too near her high throne, Prince FORTUNIO aye at her side;
+  But now a poor PERDITA, prone at the feet of her foes she lies bound,
+  And that melodramatic thud-thud draweth near--a most menacing sound!
+
+  Ah! sure 'twas enough to deprive the Maid of Protection, her trust!
+  But this is the last straw of burden that bows her poor back to the dust.
+  That Monster _should_ be her sworn henchman, and now she lies bound in
+          his path!
+  Oh! where is the hero who'll rush to her rescue, in chivalrous wrath?
+
+  Such champion always turns up--on the stage! CHAPLIN, WINCHILSEA, BOYLE,
+  HOWARD-VINCENT & Co., here's your chance. Shall she be that big Monster's
+          mere spoil?
+  Ah! Surely the Maid is too lovely to leave to the murderous crew
+  Of the Monster Monopoly's myrmidons! _Who_'ll bring a rescue or two?
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Her First Appearance.
+
+
+  "What! a new Magazine!" just so,
+  First number, January, "Oh!
+  So far? yet farther sure will go
+                    _The Mother._"
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+"SCHOOL ATTENDANCE IN BAD WEATHER."--"SANDFORD" writes of this to the
+_Times_. Why doesn't MERTON--our TOMMY MERTON--speak? And what has the
+venerated Mr. BARLOW got to say?
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+"THE SITUATION IN EUROPE."--Monte Carlo (_i.e._, for the winter months).
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+ETHNOGRAPHICAL ALPHABET.
+
+  A is an Afghan, whose knife bids one quail;
+  B is a Boer, who made England turn pale;
+  C is a Chinaman, proud of his tail;
+  D is a Dutchman, who loves pipe and ale;
+  E is an Eskimo, packed like a bale;
+  F is a Frenchman, _a Paris fidele_;
+  G is a German, he fought tooth and nail;
+  H is a Highlander, otherwise Gael;
+  I is an Irishman, just out of gaol;
+  J is a Jew at a furniture sale;
+  K is a Kalmuck, not high in the scale;
+  L is a Lowlander, swallowing kale;
+  M a Malay, a most murderous male;
+  N a Norwegian, who dwells near the whale;
+  O is an Ojibway, brave on the trail;
+  P is a Pole with a past to bewail;
+  Q is a Queenslander, sunburnt and hale;
+  R is a Russian, against whom we rail;
+  S is a Spaniard, as slow as a snail;
+  T is a Turk with his wife in a veil;
+  U a United States' Student at Yale;
+  V a Venetian in gondola frail;
+  W Welshman, with coal, slate,--and shale;
+  X is a Xanthian--or is he too stale?--
+  Y is a Yorkshireman, bred by the Swale;
+  Z is a Zulu;--and now letters fail.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+THE LATEST PARADOX.--JOHN STRANGE WINTER is taking Summer-y proceedings
+against the Coming Crinoline. Henceforth she will be always known as "the
+WINTER of our Discontent."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+"GOOD BUS."--From the _Times_ money article we learn that PARR'S Banking
+Co., Limited, is paying 19 per cent. The price of the shares, therefore,
+must be considerably "_above par_." Capital this, for _Ma'_!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: SHOCKING TRADE OUTRAGE!
+
+(_Scene from the New and Unpopular Sensation Drama of "The Monopoly-Monster
+and the Maid Forlorn."_)
+
+  "OH! WHO'LL BRING A RESCUE OR TWO TO THE HELP OF A MUCH-INJURED MAID,
+  THUS CRUELLY BOUND HAND AND FOOT, AND BY MISCREANTS RUTHLESSLY LAID
+  ON THE LINES, IN THE PATHWAY OF PERIL? THE MONSTER SNORTS NEARER! BOHOO!
+  'TIS A MELODRAME-CRISIS OF DANGER!--AND _WHO'LL_ BRING A RESCUE OR TWO?"]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: SUBACIDITIES.
+
+_Gladys._ "OH, MURIEL DEAR, THAT HEAVENLY FROCK!--I THINK IT LOOKS LOVELIER
+EVERY YEAR!"]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+THE LAY OF THE (MUSIC-HALL) LAUREATE.
+
+  Ah! Who talks of the reversion of the Laurel,
+    Of your MORRISSES, and SWINBURNES, and that gang?
+  _I_ could lick them in a canter--that's a moral!
+    I'm the most prolific bard who ever sang.
+  Of the modern Music Hall I'm chosen Laureate,
+    My cackle and my patter fill the Town;
+  I'm more popular than BURNS, a thing to glory at;
+    My name is PINDAR BOANERGES BROWN.
+
+  You have never heard it mentioned? Highly probable
+    A hundred duffers flourish on _my_ fame;
+  But the Muse is _so_ peculiarly rob-able,
+    And I am very little known--by name?
+  But ask the Big BONASSUS--on the Q. T.--
+    Or ask the Sisters SQUORKS, of P. B. B.
+  And they'll tell you Titan Talent, Siren Beauty,
+    Would be both the frostiest fizzles but for Me!
+
+  Gracious Heavens! When I think of all the cackle
+    I have turned out for the heroes of the Halls!!!
+  No wonder that the task I've now to tackle--
+    Something new and smart for TRICKSY TRIP!--appals.
+  I have tried three several songs--and had to "stock 'em,"
+    She's imperative; her last Great Hit's played out,
+  And she wants "a new big thing that's bound to knock 'em."
+    And "she'd like it by return of post!"--No doubt!!!
+
+  She does four turns a night, and rakes the shekels;
+    She sports a suit of sables and a brougham.
+  Five years ago a lanky girl, with freckles,
+    First fetched 'em with my hit, "_The Masher Groom_."
+  And now her limbs spread pink on all the posters,
+    And now she drives her pony-chaise--and Me!
+  Poet-Laureate? I should like to set the boasters
+    The tasks I have to try for "TRICKSY T."
+
+  I am vivid, I am various, I am versatile;
+    I did "_Up to the Nines_" for DANDY DOBBS,
+  And "_Smacky-Smack_" for "TIDDLUMS,"--Isn't _hers_ a tile?--
+    "_Salvation Sue_"--the stiffest of stiff jobs--
+  For roopy-raspy-voiced and vain "OEOLIA,"
+    Who dubs herself the SCHNEIDER-PATTI BLEND;
+  And now, a prey to stone-broke melancholia,
+    I sit and rack my fancy, to no end!
+
+  My ink runs dry, my wits seem gone wool-gathering;
+    And yet I know that over half the town
+  _My_ "stuff" the Stars are blaring, bleating, blathering,
+    Sacking a tenner where I pouch a crown.
+  I know that my--anonymous--smart verses,
+    Are piling oof for middlemen in sacks,
+  My verse brings pros. seal-coats and well-stuffed purses
+    My back care bows, whilst profits lade _their_ backs.
+
+  If you'll show me any "Poet" more prolific,
+    If you'll point to any "patterer" more smart,
+  One whose "patriotic" zeal is more terrific,
+    Who can give me at snide slang the slightest start,
+  Who can fit a swell, a toff, a cad, a coster,
+    At the very shortest notice, as _I_ can,
+  Why, unless he is a swaggering impostor,
+    I will gladly hail him as the Coming Man!
+
+  But he'll have to be a dab at drunken drivel,
+    And he'll have to be a daisy at sick gush,
+  To turn on the taps of swagger and of snivel,
+    Raise the row-de-dow heel-chorus and hot flush.
+  He must know the taste of sensual young masher,
+    As well as that of aitch-omitting snob;
+  And then--well, I'll admit he _is_ a dasher,
+    Who, as Laureate (of the Halls) is "on the job!"
+
+    [_Left lamenting._
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+THE MAN FROM BLANKLEY'S.
+
+A STORY IN SCENES
+
+    SCENE I.--_Breakfast-room at No. 92a, Porchester Square,
+    Bayswater. Rhubarb-green and gilt paper, with dark olive dado:
+    curtains of a nondescript brown. Black marble clock on grey
+    granite mantelpiece; Landseer engravings; tall book-case,
+    containing volumes of "The Quiver," "Mission-Work in Mesopotamia,"
+    a cheap Encyclopedia, and the "Popular History of Europe." Time,
+    about 9:45._ Mr. MONTAGUE TIDMARSH _is leaving to catch his
+    omnibus_. Mrs. T. _is at her Davenport in the window_.
+
+_Mr. T._ (_from the door_). Anything else you want me to do, MARIA?
+
+_Mrs. T._ Don't forget the turbot--and mind you choose it yourself--and the
+lobster for the sauce--oh, and look in at SEAKALE'S as you pass, and remind
+him to be here punctually at seven, to help JANE with the table, and say I
+insist on his waiting in _clean_ white gloves; and be home early yourself,
+and--there, if he hasn't rushed off before I remembered half----(Mr. T.
+_re-appears at the door_.) What is it _now_, MONTAGUE? I do wish you'd
+start, and have done with it, instead of keeping JANE at the front door,
+when she ought to be clearing away breakfast!
+
+_Mr. T._ Very sorry, my love--I was just going, when I met a Telegraph-boy
+with this, for you, I hope there's nothing wrong with Uncle GABRIEL, I'm
+sure.
+
+_Mrs. T._ Don't stand there holding it--give it to me. (_She opens it._)
+"Regret impossible dine to-night--lost Great Aunt very suddenly.--BUCKRAM."
+How provoking of the man! And I particularly wished him to meet Uncle
+GABRIEL, because he is such a good listener, and they would be sure to get
+on together. As if he hadn't all the rest of the year to lose his Aunt in!
+
+_Mr. T._ That's BUCKRAM all over. Never can depend upon that fellow.
+(_Gloomily._) Now we shall be thirteen at table!
+
+_Mrs. T._ Nonsense, MONTAGUE--we _can't_ be! Let me see--Uncle GABRIEL and
+Aunt JOANNA, two; the DITCHWATERS, four; BODFISHES, six; TOOMERS, eight;
+Miss BUGLE, nine; Mr. POFFLEY, ten; CECILIA FLINDERS, eleven, ourselves--we
+_are_ thirteen! And I know Uncle will refuse to sit down at all if he
+notices it; and, anyway, it is sure to cast a gloom over the whole thing.
+We _must_ get somebody!
+
+_Mr. T._ Couldn't that Miss--what's her name? SEATON--dine, for once?
+
+_Mrs. T._ The idea, MONTAGUE! Then there would be one Lady too many--if you
+can _call_ a Governess a Lady, that is. And I do so disapprove of taking
+people out of their proper station.
+
+[Illustration: "Montague, _don't_ say you went and ordered him."]
+
+_Mr. T._ I might wire to FILLETER or MAKEWAYT--but I rather think they're
+both away, and it won't do to run any risk. Shall I bring home STERNSTUHL
+or FEDERFUCHS? Very quiet, respectable young fellows, and I could let one
+of 'em go off early to dress.
+
+_Mrs. T._ Thank you, MONTAGUE--but I won't have one of your German clerks
+at _my_ table--everyone would see what he was in a minute. And he mightn't
+even have a dress-suit! Let me think ... _I_ know what we can do. BLANKLEY
+supplies extra guests for parties and things. I remember seeing it in the
+paper. We must hire a man there. Go there at once, MONTAGUE, it's very
+little out of your way, and tell them to be sure and send a gentlemanly
+person--he needn't talk much, and he won't be required to tell any
+anecdotes. Make haste, say they can put him down to my deposit account.
+
+_Mr. T._ I don't half like the idea, MARIA, but I suppose it's the only
+thing left. I'll go and see what they can do for us.
+
+    [_He goes out._
+
+_Mrs. T._ I _know_ he'll make some muddle--I'd better do it myself! (_She
+rushes out into the passage._) JANE, is your Master gone? Call him
+back--there, I'll do it. (_She calls after Mr. T.'s retreating form from
+the doorstep._) MONTAGUE! never mind about BLANKLEY'S. _I_'ll see to it. Do
+you hear?
+
+_Mr. T.'s Voice_ (_from the corner_). All right, my love, all right! I
+hear.
+
+_Mrs. T._ I must go round before lunch. JANE, send Miss SEATON to me in the
+breakfast-room. (_She goes back to her desk; presently_ Miss MARJORY SEATON
+_enters the room; she is young and extremely pretty, with an air of
+dejected endurance_.) Oh, Miss SEATON, just copy out these _menus_ for me,
+in your neatest writing, and see that the French is all right. You will
+have plenty of time for it, as I shall take Miss GWENDOLEN out myself this
+morning. By the way, I shall expect you to appear in the drawing-room this
+evening before dinner. I hope you have a suitable frock?
+
+_Miss Seaton._ I have a black one with lace sleeves and heliotrope
+_chiffon_, if that will do--it was made in Paris.
+
+_Mrs. T._ You are fortunate to be able to command such luxuries. All _my_
+dresses are made in the Grove.
+
+_Miss Seat._ (_biting her lip_). Mine was made when we--before I---- [_She
+checks herself._
+
+_Mrs. T._ You need not remind me _quite_ so often that your circumstances
+were formerly different, Miss SEATON, for I am perfectly aware of the fact.
+Otherwise, I should not feel justified in bringing you in contact, even for
+so short a time, with my relations and friends, who are _most_ particular.
+I think that is all I wanted you for at present. Stop, you are forgetting
+the _menus_.
+
+    [Miss SEATON _collects the cards and goes out with compressed lips
+    as_ JANE _enters_.
+
+_Jane._ Another telegram, if you please, M'm, and Cook would like to speak
+to you about the pheasants.
+
+[Illustration: THE POET LAUREATE OF THE MUSIC HALLS. A STUDY. [_See p. 33._
+
+_Mrs. T._ Oh, dear me, JANE! I wish you wouldn't come and startle me with
+your horrid telegrams--there, give it to me. (_Reading._) "Wife down,
+violent influenza. Must come without her, TOOMER." (_Resentfully._) Again!
+and I _know_ she's had it twice since the spring--it's too tiresomely
+inconsid--no, it isn't--it's the very best thing she could do. Now we shall
+be only twelve, and I needn't order that man from BLANKLEY'S, after all.
+Poor dear woman, I must really write her a nice sympathetic little note--so
+_fortunate_!
+
+
+    SCENE II.--Mrs. TIDMARSH'S _Bedroom--Time 7:15._ Mrs. T. _has just
+    had her hair dressed by her Maid_.
+
+_Mrs. T._ You might have given me more of a fringe than that, PINNIFER. You
+don't make nearly so much of my hair as you used to! (PINNIFER _discreetly
+suppress the obvious retort_.) Well, I suppose that must do. I shan't
+require you any more. Go down and see if the lamps in the drawing-room are
+smelling. (PINNIFER _goes; sounds of ablutions are heard from_ Mr. T.'s
+_dressing-room_.) MONTAGUE, is that you? I never heard you come in.
+
+_Mr. T.'s Voice_ (_indistinctly._) Only just this moment come up, my dear.
+Been putting out the wine.
+
+_Mrs. T._ You always _will_ leave everything to the last. No, don't come
+in. What? How can I hear what you say when you keep on splashing and
+spluttering like that?
+
+_Mr. T.'s Voice_ (_from beneath a towel._) That dozen of Champagne Uncle
+GABRIEL sent has run lower than I thought--only two bottles and a pint
+left. And he can't drink that _Saumur_.
+
+_Mrs. T._ Two bottles and a half ought to be ample, if SEAKALE manages
+properly--among twelve.
+
+_Mr. T.'s V._ Twelve, my love? you mean _fourteen_!
+
+_Mrs. T._ I mean nothing of the sort. Mrs. TOOMER'S got influenza
+again--luckily, so of course we shall be just twelve.
+
+_Mr. T.'s V._ MARIA, why didn't you tell me that before? Because I say,
+look here!----
+
+    [_He half opens the door._
+
+_Mrs. T._ I won't have you coming in here all over soap, there's nothing to
+get excited about. Twelve's a very convenient number.
+
+_Mr. T.'s V._ Twelve! Yes--but how about that fellow you told me to order
+from BLANKLEY'S? He'll be the thirteenth!
+
+_Mrs. T._ MONTAGUE, _don't_ say you went and ordered him, after I expressly
+said you were not to mind, and that I would see about it myself! You heard
+me call after you from the front door?
+
+_Mr. T.'s V._ I--I understood you to say that I was to mind and see to it
+myself; and so I went there the very first thing. The Manager assured me he
+would send us a person accustomed to the best society, who would give every
+satisfaction. _I_ couldn't be expected to know you had changed your mind!
+
+_Mrs. T._ How _could_ you be so idiotic! We simply can't sit down thirteen.
+Uncle will think we did it on purpose to shorten his life, MONTAGUE, do
+something--write, and put him off, quick--do you hear?
+
+_Mr. T.'s V._ (_plaintively_). My love, I _can't_ write while I'm like
+this--and I've no pen and ink in here, either!
+
+_Jane_ (_outside_). Please, Sir, SEAKALE would like a word with you about
+the Sherry you put out--it don't seem to ta--smell quite right to him.
+
+_Mrs. T._ Oh, never mind Sherry _now_. (_She scribbles on a leaf
+from her pocket-book._) Here, JANE, tell SEAKALE to run with this to
+BLANKLEY'S--quick.... There, MONTAGUE I've written to BLANKLEY'S not to
+send the man--they're sure to keep that sort of person on the premises; so,
+if SEAKALE gets there before they close, it will be all right.... Oh, don't
+worry so.... What? White ties! How should _I_ know where they are? You
+should speak to JANE. And do, for goodness sake, make haste! _I'm_ going
+down.
+
+_Mr. T._ (_alone_). MARIA! hi.... She's gone--and she never told me what
+I'm to do if this confounded fellow turns up, after all! Hang it, I must
+have a tie somewhere!
+
+    [_He pulls out drawer after drawer of his wardrobe, in a violent
+    flurry._
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+THE RAILWAY SERVANT'S VADE MECUM.
+
+(_For Use in the Training School when the proposed Institution has been
+established._)
+
+_Question._ What are the duties of a Porter?
+
+_Answer._ To move passengers' luggage with the greatest possible
+expedition.
+
+_Q._ Is there any exception to that general rule?
+
+_A._ Yes, when the passenger is late, and there seems some doubt about the
+bestowal of a tip.
+
+_Q._ How would he inform passengers that they have to change carriages for,
+say, Felstead, Margate, Highgate, Winchester and Scarborough.
+
+_A._ By shouting, in one word, "Change-Felgit-Highchester-and-Boro!"
+
+[Illustration]
+
+_Q._ If he had to call a Cab for an elderly Lady with three boxes, or a
+military-looking Gentleman with an umbrella, which passenger would first
+claim his attention?
+
+_A._ Why, of course, the Captain.
+
+_Q._ What is the customary charge of a Guard for reserving a compartment?
+
+_A._ A shilling for closing one of the doors, half-a-crown for locking
+both.
+
+_Q._ What are the duties of a Booking-Clerk?
+
+_A._ If very busy, a Booking-Clerk may walk leisurely from one pigeon-hole
+to the other, and ask the passenger to repeat his demand, and then take
+some time in finding the required amount of change. If the passenger is
+irritable, and in a hurry, the Clerk can stop to explain, and remonstrate.
+In the case of an inquiry as to the progress of the trains, a busy
+Booking-Clerk can refer impatient passengers to the time-table hanging
+outside the station.
+
+_Q._ When is a Booking-Clerk usually very busy?
+
+_A._ When he happens to be in a bad temper.
+
+_Q._ Ought a suggestion from the Public that the Public will write to his
+superiors have any effect upon a Booking-Clerk?
+
+_A._ Not if the Public has just taken an express ticket in London either
+for Melbourne, Australia, or Timbuctoo.
+
+_Q._ What is the best course for the Public to pursue under such
+circumstances?
+
+_A._ To bear it either with or without a grin.
+
+_Q._ Is there much point about a Pointsman?
+
+_A._ Not after he has been on duty some eighteen hours.
+
+_Q._ And does his application of the break suggest anything?
+
+_A._ Yes, a break in this catechism. More on a future occasion.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+A SUGGESTION FOR PANTOMIME.--The good Fairy, Sir DRURIOLANUS, triumphing
+over Evil Spirits, King Fog, Frost ("he's a nipper, he is!"), and Slush,
+the obstructionists. Evil Spirits disappear, Good Spirits prevail, and, as
+_Kate Nickleby's_ lunatic lover observed, "All is gas and gaiters!" Messrs.
+DAN LENO and CAMPBELL are doing great business just now. _Vive_ DRURIOLANUS
+PANTOMIMICUS IMPERATOR!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+A Meeting between the "Unemployed and Mr. GLADSTONE." What a contrast!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+NOTICE.--Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed
+Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will in no case be
+returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope,
+Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule there will be no exception.
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume
+104, January 21, 1893, by Various
+
+*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH ***
+
+***** This file should be named 20704.txt or 20704.zip *****
+This and all associated files of various formats will be found in:
+        http://www.gutenberg.org/2/0/7/0/20704/
+
+Produced by Matt Whittaker, Juliet Sutherland and the
+Online Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions
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