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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The 'Mind the Paint' Girl, by Arthur Pinero
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The 'Mind the Paint' Girl
+       A Comedy in Four Acts
+
+Author: Arthur Pinero
+
+Release Date: June 18, 2007 [EBook #21849]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE 'MIND THE PAINT' GIRL ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Louise Hope, Branko Collin and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+
+
+
+  [Transcriber's Note:
+
+  The HTML version of this e-text includes the third-act song
+  ("If you would only, only love me") in three forms: raw lilypond
+  (.ly extension, can be converted to other formats), .pdf (image),
+  and MIDI file. Some sites will allow you to download these files
+  individually; if so, look in the "files" directory associated with
+  the HTML text.
+
+  The published play did not include music for the title song ("Mind
+  the Paint"), sung in Act I.
+
+  Errors are listed at the end of the e-text.]
+
+
+
+
+  THE
+  "MIND THE PAINT"
+  GIRL
+
+
+
+
+_The Plays of Arthur W. Pinero_
+
+  Paper cover, 1s 6d; cloth, 2s 6d each
+
+    THE TIMES
+    THE PROFLIGATE
+    THE CABINET MINISTER
+    THE HOBBY-HORSE
+    LADY BOUNTIFUL
+    THE MAGISTRATE
+    DANDY DICK
+    SWEET LAVENDER
+    THE SCHOOLMISTRESS
+    THE WEAKER SEX
+    THE AMAZONS
+  * THE SECOND MRS. TANQUERAY
+    THE NOTORIOUS MRS. EBBSMITH
+    THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT
+    THE PRINCESS AND THE BUTTERFLY
+    TRELAWNY OF THE "WELLS"
+  + THE GAY LORD QUEX
+    IRIS
+    LETTY
+    A WIFE WITHOUT A SMILE
+    HIS HOUSE IN ORDER
+    THE THUNDERBOLT
+    MID-CHANNEL
+    PRESERVING MR. PANMURE
+    THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL
+
+  * This Play can be had in library form, 4to, cloth,
+    with a portrait, 5s.
+
+  + A Limited Edition of this play on hand-made paper,
+    with a new portrait, 10s net.
+
+
+  THE PINERO BIRTHDAY BOOK
+  Selected and Arranged by MYRA HAMILTON
+  With a Portrait, cloth extra, price 2s 6d.
+
+
+  _London: William Heinemann_
+
+
+
+
+   THE
+
+  "MIND THE PAINT"
+
+             GIRL
+
+
+  _A COMEDY_
+    _In Four Acts_
+      _By ARTHUR PINERO_
+
+
+  London: William Heinemann
+  MCMXIII
+
+
+
+
+  _Copyright 1912_
+  _by Arthur Pinero_
+
+
+
+
+_This play was produced in London, at the Duke of York's Theatre, on
+Saturday, February 17, 1912; in New York, at the New Lyceum Theatre,
+on Monday, September 9, 1912; and in Germany, at the Stadttheater in
+Mainz, on Monday, January 13, 1913_
+
+
+
+
+_The Persons of the Play_
+
+  VISCOUNT FARNCOMBE
+  COLONEL THE HON. ARTHUR STIDULPH
+  BARON VON RETTENMAYER
+  CAPTAIN NICHOLAS JEYES
+  LIONEL ROPER
+  SAM DE CASTRO
+  HERBERT FULKERSON
+  STEWART HENEAGE
+  GERALD GRIMWOOD
+  CARLTON SMYTHE (_Manager of the Pandora Theatre_)
+  DOUGLAS GLYNN, ALBERT PALK, }
+    WILFRID TAVISH, and       } (_Actors at the Pandora_)
+    SIGISMUND SHIRLEY         }
+  VINCENT BLAND (_A Musical Composer, attached to the Pandora_)
+  MORRIS COOLING (_Business Manager at the Pandora_)
+  LUIGI (_Maître d'hôtel at Catani's Restaurant_)
+  WAITERS
+
+  THE HON. MRS. ARTHUR STIDULPH
+    (_Formerly, as Dolly Ensor, of the Pandora Theatre_)
+  LILY PARRADELL     }
+  JIMMIE BIRCH       }
+  GABRIELLE KATO     }
+  ENID MONCRIEFF     }
+  DAPHNE DURE        } (_Of the Pandora_)
+  NITA TREVENNA      }
+  FLO CONNIFY        }
+  SYBIL DERMOTT      }
+  OLGA COOK          }
+  EVANGELINE VENTRIS }
+  MRS. UPJOHN (LILY PARRADELL's _mother_)
+  GLADYS (LILY's _parlourmaid_)
+  MAUD (LILY's _maid_)
+
+_The action of the piece takes place in London-- at LILY PARRADELL'S
+house in Bloomsbury, in the foyer of the Pandora Theatre, and again at
+LILY'S house._
+
+_The curtain will be lowered for a few moments in the course of the
+Second Act._
+
+
+
+
+_The following advertisements are to appear conspicuously in the
+programme._
+
+MIND THE PAINT (the complete song), words by D'Arcy Wingate, music by
+Vincent Bland, as originally sung by Miss LILY PARRADELL at the
+Pandora Theatre in the Musical Play of "THE DUCHESS OF BRIXTON," may
+be obtained from Messrs. Church and Co. (Ltd.), Music Publishers, 181
+New Bond Street.
+
+AFTER THE THEATRE. CATANI'S RESTAURANT, 459 Strand. Best _cuisine_ in
+London. Milanese Band. Private Rooms. Urbano Catani, Sole Proprietor.
+Tel.: 10,337 Gerrard.
+
+
+
+
+  THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL
+
+
+
+
+  THE FIRST ACT
+
+
+_The scene is a drawing-room, prettily but somewhat showily decorated.
+The walls are papered with a design representing large clusters of
+white and purple lilac. The furniture is covered with a chintz of
+similar pattern, and the curtains, carpet, and lamp-shades
+correspond._
+
+_In the wall facing the spectator are two windows, and midway between
+the windows there is the entrance to a conservatory. The conservatory,
+which is seen beyond, is of the kind that is built out over the
+portico of a front-door, and is plentifully stocked with flowers and
+hung with a velarium and green sun-blinds. In the right-hand wall
+there is another window and, nearer the spectator, a console-table
+supporting a high mirror; and in the wall on the left, opposite the
+console-table, there is a double-door opening into the room, the
+further half of which only is used._
+
+_In the entrance to the conservatory, to the right, there is a low,
+oblong tea-table at which are placed three small chairs; and near-by,
+on the left, are a grand-piano and a music-stool. Against the piano
+there is a settee, and on the extreme left, below the door, there is
+an arm-chair with a little round table beside it. At the right-hand
+window in the wall at the back is another settee, and facing this
+window and settee there is a smaller arm-chair._
+
+_Not far from the fire-place there is a writing-table with a
+telephone-instrument upon it. A chair stands at the writing-table,
+its back to the window in the wall on the right; and in front of the
+table, opposing the settee by the piano, there is a third settee. On
+the left of this settee, almost in the middle of the room, is an
+arm-chair; and closer to the settee, on its right, are two more
+arm-chairs. Other articles of furniture-- a cabinet, "occasional"
+chairs, etc., etc.-- occupy spaces against the walls._
+
+_On the piano, on the console-table and cabinet, on the settee at the
+back, on the round table, and upon the floor, stand huge baskets of
+flowers, and other handsome floral devices in various forms, with
+cards attached to them; and lying higgledy-piggledy upon the
+writing-table are a heap of small packages, several little cases
+containing jewellery, and a litter of paper and string. The packages
+and the cases of jewellery are also accompanied by cards or letters._
+
+_A fierce sunlight streams down upon the velarium, and through the
+green blinds, in the conservatory._
+
+[_Note: Throughout, "right" and "left" are the spectators' right and
+left, not the actor's._]
+
+
+  [_LORD FARNCOMBE, his gloves in his hand, is seated in the arm-chair
+  in the middle of the room. He is a simple-mannered, immaculately
+  dressed young man in his early twenties, his bearing and appearance
+  suggesting the soldier. He rises expectantly as GLADYS, a flashy
+  parlourmaid in a uniform, shows in LIONEL ROPER, a middle-aged
+  individual of the type of the second-class City man._
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_To FARNCOMBE._] Hul-lo! I'm in luck! Just the chap I'm hunting for.
+[_Shaking hands with FARNCOMBE._] How d'ye do, Lord Farncombe?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+How are you, Roper?
+
+GLADYS.
+
+[_To ROPER, languidly._] I'll tell Mrs. Upjohn you're here.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Ta. [_GLADYS withdraws._] Phew, it's hot!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Miss Parradell's out.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Taking off his gloves._] She won't be long, I dare say.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+I've brought her a few flowers.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Have you? I've sent her a trifle of jewellery.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Glancing at the writing-table._] She seems to have received a lot of
+jewellery.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Bustling across to the table._] By Jove, doesn't she! Ah, there's my
+brooch!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Modestly._] I didn't consider I'd a right to offer her anything but
+flowers, on so slight an acquaintance.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Exactly; but I'm an old friend, you know. [_Turning to FARNCOMBE._]
+Perhaps, by her next birthday----
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Smiling._] I hope so.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Approaching FARNCOMBE and taking him by the lapel of his coat._]
+What I want to say to you is, doing anything to-night?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+I-- I shall be at the theatre.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Oh, we shall all be at the theatre, to shout Many Happy Returns.
+Later, I mean.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Nothing that I can't get out of.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Good. Look here. Smythe is giving her a bit of supper in the foyer
+after the show, a dance on the stage to follow. About five-and-twenty
+people. 'Ull you come?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+If Mr. Smythe is kind enough to ask me----
+
+ROPER.
+
+He _does_ ask you, through me. He's left all the arrangements to me
+and Morrie Cooling. Carlton never did anything in his life; _I_ egged
+him on to this. I've been sweating at it since eleven o'clock this
+morning. Haven't been near the City; not near it. Well?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_His eyes glowing._] I shall be delighted.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Splendid. Been trying to get on to you all day. I've called twice at
+your club and at St. James's Place.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Sorry you've had so much trouble.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Dropping on to the settee in front of the writing-table and wiping
+his brow._] There'll be the Baron, Sam de Castro, Bertie Fulkerson,
+Stew Heneage, Jerry Grimwood, Dwarf Kennedy, Colonel and Mrs.
+Stidulph-- Dolly Ensor that was-- and ourselves, besides Cooling and
+Vincent Bland and the pick o' the Company. Catani does the food and
+drink. I don't believe I've forgotten a single thing. [_With a change
+of tone, pointing to the arm-chair in the middle of the room._] Sit
+down a minute. [_FARNCOMBE sits and ROPER edges nearer to him._] Are
+you going to wait to see Lily this afternoon?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+I-- I should like to.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Because if Jeyes should happen to drop in while you're here----
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Captain Jeyes?
+
+ROPER.
+
+Nicko Jeyes-- or if you knock up against him to-night at the theatre--
+mum about this.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+About the supper?
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Nodding._] Um. We don't want Nicko Jeyes; we simply don't want him.
+And if he heard that you and some of the boys are coming, he might
+wonder why _he_ isn't included.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+He strikes me as being rather a surly, ill-conditioned person.
+
+ROPER.
+
+A regular loafer.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+He appears to live at Catani's. I never go there without meeting him.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Exactly. Catani's and a top, back bedroom in Jermyn Street, and
+hanging about the Pandora; that's Nicko Jeyes's life.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+_He's_ an old friend of Mrs. Upjohn's and Miss Parradell's too, isn't
+he?
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Evasively._] Known 'em some time. That's _it_; Lily's so faithful to
+her old friends.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Smiling._] _You_ oughtn't to complain of that.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Oh, but I'm a _real_ friend. I've always been a patron of the musical
+drama-- it's my fad; and I've kept an eye on Lily from the moment she
+sprang into prominence-- [_singing_] "Mind the paint! Mind the paint!"
+--looked after her like a father. Uncle Lal she calls me.
+[_Reassuringly._] I'm a married man, you know; [_FARNCOMBE nods_] but
+the wife has plenty to occupy her with the kids and she leaves the
+drama to me. She prefers Bexhill. [_Leaning forward and speaking with
+great earnestness._] Farncombe, what a charming creature!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Innocently._] Mrs. Roper?
+
+ROPER.
+
+No, no, no; Lily. [_Hastily._] Oh, and so's my missus, for that
+matter, when she chooses. But Lily Upjohn----!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_In a low voice._] Beautiful; perfectly beautiful.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Yes, and as good as she's beautiful; you take it from me. [_With a
+wave of the hand._] Well, if you see Jeyes, you won't----?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Not a word.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Rising and walking away to the left._] I've warned the others.
+[_Returning to FARNCOMBE who has also risen._] By-the-bye, if Lily
+should mention the supper in the course of conversation, remember,
+_she's_ not in the conspiracy.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Conspiracy?
+
+ROPER.
+
+To shunt Nicko. We're letting her think there are to be no outsiders.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Becoming slightly puzzled by ROPER'S manner._] Why, would she very
+much like Captain Jeyes to be asked?
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Rather impatiently._] Haven't I told you, once you're a friend of
+Lil's----! [_Looking towards the door._] Is this Ma? [_MRS. UPJOHN
+enters._] Hul-lo, Ma!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_A podgy little, gaily dressed woman of five-and-fifty with a stupid,
+good-humoured face._] 'Ullo, Uncle!
+
+ROPER.
+
+Lord Farncombe----
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Advancing and shaking hands with FARNCOMBE._] Glad to see you 'ere
+again. You _'ave_ been before, 'aven't you?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Last week.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Of course; you came with Mr. Bertie Fulkerson. But somebody or other's
+always poppin' in. [_Pleasantly._] Lil sees too many, _I_ say. It's
+tirin' for 'er. Won't you set?
+
+ROPER.
+
+Lord Farncombe's brought Lily some flowers, Ma. [_To FARNCOMBE._]
+Where are they?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Who, after waiting for MRS. UPJOHN to settle herself upon the settee
+in front of the writing-table, sits in the chair at the end of the
+settee-- pointing to a large basket of flowers._] On the piano.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Barely glancing at the flowers._] 'Ow kind of 'im! Sech a waste o'
+money too! They do go off so quick.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Reading the cards attached to the various floral gifts._] Where _is_
+Lil?
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+She's settin' to a risin' young artist in Fitzroy Street-- Claude
+Morgan. She won't be 'ome till past five. So tirin' for 'er.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Never heard of Morgan.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+No, nor anybody else. That's what I tell 'er. Why waste your time
+givin' settin's to a risin' young artist when the big men 'ud go down
+on their 'ands and knees to do you? But that's Lil all over. She's the
+best-natured girl in the world, and so she gets imposed on all round.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Gallantly._] I prophesy that Mr. Morgan's picture of Miss Parradell
+won't have dried before he's quite famous.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Turning a pair of dull eyes full upon him._] 'Ow do you mean?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Disconcerted._] Er-- I mean--
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+_Why_ won't it 'ave dried?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+I mean he will have become celebrated _before_ it has dried.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+'Is pictures never do dry, you mean?
+
+ROPER.
+
+No, no, Ma!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+'Owever, it doesn't matter. 'E isn't even goin' to put 'er name to it.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Why not?
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+You may well ask. 'E's bent on callin' it "The 'Mind the Paint' Girl."
+
+ROPER.
+
+What's wrong with that? Everybody'll recognise who _that_ is.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Unconvinced._] 'Er name's printed on all 'er photos.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+The first time I had the pleasure of seeing your daughter on the
+stage, Mrs. Upjohn, a man next to me said, "Here comes the 'Mind the
+Paint' girl."
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Cheering up._] Oh, well, p'r'aps young Morgan knows 'is own business
+best. Let's 'ope so, at any rate.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_By the tea-table, beckoning to FARNCOMBE._] Farncombe----
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_To ROPER._] Eh? [_To MRS. UPJOHN, rising._] Excuse me.
+
+  [_FARNCOMBE joins ROPER, whereupon MRS. UPJOHN goes to the
+  writing-table and, seating herself there, examines the jewellery
+  delightedly._
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_To FARNCOMBE, in a whisper._] Do me a favour.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Certainly.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Looking at his watch._] It's only half-past four. Take a turn round
+the Square. I've some business to talk over with the old lady.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Nodding to ROPER and then coming forward and addressing MRS.
+UPJOHN._] I-- er-- I think I'll go for a little walk and come back
+later on, if I may.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Contentedly._] Oh, jest as you like.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Moving towards the door._] In about a quarter-of-an-hour.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+If we don't see you again, I'll tell Lil you've been 'ere.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_At the door._] Oh, but you will; you _will_ see me again.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Well, please yourself and you please your dearest friend, as Lil's dad
+used to say.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Thank you-- thank you very much.
+
+      [_He disappears, closing the door after him._
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_To ROPER, looking up._] I b'lieve you gave that young man the 'int
+to go, Uncle.
+
+ROPER.
+
+I did; told him I wanted to talk business with you.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Business? [_Resuming her inspection of the trinkets._] This is a
+'andsome thing Mr. Grimwood's sent 'er.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_His hands in his trouser-pockets, contemplating MRS. UPJOHN
+desperately._] Upon my soul, Ma, you're a champion!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+_Now_ wot 'ave I done!
+
+ROPER.
+
+Well, you might spread yourself a little over young Farncombe.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Spread myself! Why should I?
+
+ROPER.
+
+Lord Farncombe!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+I treat 'em all alike; so does Lil. 'E's not the first title we've 'ad
+'ere, not by a dozen.
+
+ROPER.
+
+No, but damn it all--! I beg your pardon----
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Beaming._] So you ought-- swearin' like a trooper.
+
+ROPER.
+
+_This_ chap's in love with her.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Oh, they're all in love with 'er; or _'ave_ been, one time or another.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Yes, but they're not all Farncombes and they're not all marrying men.
+I'm prepared to bet my boots that if Lil and young Farncombe could be
+thrown together----! [_Sitting on the settee in front of the
+writing-table as MRS. UPJOHN rises and comes forward._] Here! Do talk
+it over.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Placidly._] Where's the use o' talkin' it over? It's wastin' one's
+breath. [_Moving to the settee by the piano._] My Lil doesn't want to
+marry-- any'ow not yet awhile; she's 'appy and contented as she is.
+[_Sitting and smoothing out her skirt._] When she does, I s'pose it'll
+be the Captain.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Between his teeth._] The Captain! [_Quietly._] Ma, the day Lil
+marries Nicko Jeyes, you and she'll see the last o' _me_.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Oh, don't say that, Uncle.
+
+ROPER.
+
+I do say it. The disappointment 'ud be more than I could stand.
+Selfish, designing beggar!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Now, no low abuse.
+
+ROPER.
+
+A fellow who gets on the soft side of Lil before she's out of her
+teens-- before she's made any position to speak of; and when she _has_
+made a position, and _he's_ practically on his uppers, sticks to her
+like a limpet!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+She sticks to 'im, too. It meant a deal to Lil in 'er 'umble days,
+reck'lect-- receivin' attentions from a gentleman in the army. She
+doesn't forget that.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Jumping up and walking about._] It's cruel; that's what it is-- it's
+cruel. Here's Gwennie Harker and Maidie Trevail both married to peers'
+sons, and Eva Shafto to a baronet-- all of 'em Pandora girls; and
+Lil-- _she's_ left high and dry, engaged to a nobody! It's cruel!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+She's not ackshally engaged.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Ho, ho!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+The ideer was, when 'e shirked goin' to India an' gave up soldierin',
+so as to be near 'er, that 'e should get something to do in London;
+_then_ they were to be engaged.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Sarcastically._] Oh, to be just, I admit he's in no hurry. He's been
+a whole year looking for something to do in London-- looking for it at
+Catani's and at the Pandora bars!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+'E _'as_ to be on the spot at night, to bring Lil 'ome after 'er work.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Exactly! And when a decent, eligible young chap comes along, and means
+business, he's choked off by finding Nicko Jeyes in possession.
+[_Stopping before MRS. UPJOHN._] But, I say!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Wot?
+
+ROPER.
+
+_Farncombe_ hasn't tumbled to it yet.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Indifferently._] 'Asn't 'e?
+
+ROPER.
+
+Bertie Fulkerson's held his tongue about it; so have the other boys
+who're friends of Farncombe's. _They_ see he's hard hit.
+[_Enthusiastically._] Oh, they're good boys; they're good, loyal boys!
+There's not one of them who wouldn't throw up his hat if Nicko got the
+chuck. [_Suddenly._] Ma!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Startled._] Hey?
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Dropping his voice._] This little spree to-night at the theatre--
+Lil thinks it's to be merely among the members of the Company.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Ain't it?
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Sitting beside her._] You keep quiet, now. No, it isn't.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+'Oo----?
+
+ROPER.
+
+The boys-- and Farncombe.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Disturbed._] Gracious! There'll be an awful fuss with the Captain
+to-morrer.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Snapping his fingers._] Pishhh!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Rising and walking away to the right._] 'E's so 'orribly jealous.
+When Lil tells 'im 'oo was at the party, there'll be a frightful
+kick-up!
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Falling into despondency._] Oh, I dare say I'm a fool for my pains,
+Ma. Nothing'll come of it. [_Rising and pacing the room again._]
+Farncombe's as shy as a school-girl; he'd be on a desert island with a
+pretty woman for a month without squeezing her hand.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_In an altered tone._] Uncle.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Hullo!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Thoughtfully._] _I_ shouldn't raise any objection, bear in mind, if
+Lil could be weaned away from the Captain and took a fancy to young
+Farncombe.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Objection!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Sitting on the settee in front of the writing-table._] All said an'
+done, to be Lady F., with no need to work if you're not disposed to,
+is better than bein' Mrs. Captain Jeyes an' 'avin' to linger on the
+stage, p'r'aps, till you drop, to 'elp keep the pot a' boilin'.
+[_Opening her eyes widely._] Lady F.!
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Coming to her._] And Countess of Godalming when his father dies.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+I s'pose there'd be any amount of unpleasantness with the fam'ly?
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Disdainfully._] The family!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+There's generally a rumpus in sech cases.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Why, Ma, these tiptop families ought to feel jolly grateful that we're
+mixing the breed for them a bit. Look at the two lads who've married
+Gwennie Harker and Maidie Trevail-- Kinterton and Glenroy; and
+Fawcus-- Sir George Fawcus-- Eva Shafto's husband; they haven't a chin
+or a forehead between 'em, and their chests are as narrow as a
+ten-inch plank.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Quite true.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Farncombe himself, _he's_ inclined to be weedy. I maintain it's a
+grand thing for our English nobs that their slips of sons have taken
+to marrying young women of the stamp of Maidie Trevail and Gwennie
+Harker-- or Lil; keen-witted young women full of the joy of life, with
+strong frames, beautiful hair and fine eyes, and healthy pink gums and
+big white teeth. Sneer at the Pandora girls! Great Scot, it's my
+belief that the Pandora girls'll be the salvation of the aristocracy
+in this country in the long run!
+
+  [_CAPTAIN NICHOLAS JEYES lounges in. He is a man of about
+  five-and-thirty, already slightly grey-haired, who has gone to seed.
+  ROPER sits in the chair in the middle of the room rather guiltily and
+  MRS. UPJOHN puts on a propitiatory grin._
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Nodding to MRS. UPJOHN and ROPER as he closes the door._] Afternoon,
+Mrs. Upjohn. How'r'you, Roper?
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Ah, Captain!
+
+ROPER.
+
+Hullo, Nicko!
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Advancing._] Lily not in?
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+No; she's in Fitzroy Street, settin' to Morgan.
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Frowning._] Why didn't she ask me to go with her?
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Dun'no, I'm sure. She's took Miss Birch.
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_With a grunt._] Oh? [_Looking round._] Flowers.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+'Eaps of 'em, ain't there?
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Jerking his head towards the writing-table._] Yes, and some nice
+presents over here.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+She's beat 'er record this year, Lil 'as, out an' out.
+
+  [_JEYES goes to the writing-table and ROPER and MRS. UPJOHN rise and
+  wander away, the former to the conservatory, the latter to the settee
+  by the piano._
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Scowling at the presents._] Very nice. [_Picking up a case of
+jewellery._] Ve-ry nice. [_Throwing the case down angrily._] Confound
+'em, what the devil do they take her for!
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_At the entrance to the conservatory._] I may remark that one of
+those gifts is from _me_, Jeyes.
+
+JEYES.
+
+Oh, I'm not alluding to _you_.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Stiffly._] Much obliged.
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Coming forward and addressing MRS. UPJOHN._] I've called in to ask
+Lily whether she'll come out to supper with me to-night, to Catani's,
+to celebrate her birthday. Luigi's decorating a table for me
+specially. Mr. and Mrs. Linthorne'll come, and Jack Wethered. [_To
+ROPER._] Are you free, Roper? [_MRS. UPJOHN sits uneasily on the
+settee by the piano and ROPER finds some object to interest him near
+the tea-table._] I suppose it's no good asking _you_, Mrs. Upjohn?
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+N-n-o, thank you, Captain, and I-- I'm afraid----
+
+JEYES.
+
+Afraid----?
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+I'm afraid Lil can't manage it either.
+
+JEYES.
+
+Why not?
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+I-- I'm surprised she didn't mention it to you 'erself when you
+brought 'er 'ome last night.
+
+JEYES.
+
+Mention what?
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+They're givin' 'er a supper to-night at the theatre.
+
+JEYES.
+
+The theatre?
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Advancing._] Yes, Carlton's standing a little spread in the foyer,
+in honour of the occasion. [_Sitting at the tea-table._] Quite right
+too; she's _his_ best asset, and chance it.
+
+JEYES.
+
+When was it fixed up?
+
+ROPER.
+
+Late last night.
+
+JEYES.
+
+The fact is, Lily and I had a slight tiff coming home last night.
+[_Sitting on the settee in front of the writing-table._] Ha! I suppose
+she kept it from me to pay me out. [_Sharply._] Who's invited?
+
+ROPER.
+
+Er-- only the principal members of the Company, I understand.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Moistening her lips with her tongue._] Yes, only the members of the
+Company, Lil says.
+
+ROPER.
+
+With Morrie Cooling and Vincent Bland thrown in.
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Looking at ROPER._] _You_ seem to know a lot about it, Roper.
+
+ROPER.
+
+I was behind when Morrie was going round to the dressing-rooms.
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_To ROPER, suspiciously._] Are _you_ asked?
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Taken aback._] E--eh?
+
+JEYES.
+
+Are _you_ asked?
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_With an attempt at airiness._] Oh, yes, they've dragged me into it.
+
+JEYES.
+
+Since when have _you_ been a member of the Company?
+
+ROPER.
+
+No, but-- dash it, I've done business for Carlton in the City for
+twenty years or more----!
+
+JEYES.
+
+That doesn't make you one.
+
+ROPER.
+
+And I'm an old friend of Lil's.
+
+JEYES.
+
+Not older than I. [_Violently._] Why the blazes doesn't Smythe invite
+_me_?
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Extending his arms._] My dear Nicko, _I'm_ not giving the party.
+Really, you do jump down a man's throat----!
+
+JEYES.
+
+Sorry, sorry, sorry. [_Leaning back and thrusting his hands into his
+pocket._] Well, I'll put Jack and the Linthornes off. They don't want
+to sup with _me_; I shouldn't amuse 'em. [_Gazing at the carpet._] Her
+birthday, though! It'll be the first time I shall have been out of
+_that_ for-- how many years?-- six years. I---- [_Raising his head, he
+detects MRS. UPJOHN and ROPER eyeing each other uncomfortably._]
+Anything the matter?
+
+ROPER.
+
+T-t-the matter?
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Taking his hands from his pockets and sitting upright._] Any game
+on?
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Game?
+
+JEYES.
+
+At my expense?
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+I dun'no wot you're drivin' at, Captain.
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Harshly._] How long's Lily sitting this afternoon?
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Till five.
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Looking at his watch._] What's Morgan's number in Fitzroy Street?
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Sixty.
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Rising._] I'll fetch her.
+
+  [_As he makes a movement towards the door, it is thrown open and LILY
+  PARRADELL enters with a rush-- an entrancing vision of youth, grace,
+  and beauty. She is followed by JIMMIE BIRCH, a _petite_, bright-eyed
+  girl in an extremely _chic_ costume._
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Tearing off her gloves as she enters._] Wh-e-e-w! I'm dead! [_Giving
+her hand to JEYES carelessly._] Ah, Nicko! [_To MRS. UPJOHN._]
+I couldn't stand the heat in the studio any longer, mother. [_Finding
+ROPER beside her, she offers her cheek to him and he kisses it._] _Mon
+Oncle!_
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Closing the door._] That young man Morgan ought to paint the
+infernal regions.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Taking her scarf from her shoulder._] He might finish with the
+angels first, though. [_To JEYES, softly, as ROPER turns to shake
+hands with JIMMIE._] You in a better temper to-day?
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_In her ear._] You drove me wild last night.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Making a face at him._] Served you right. [_Passing him._] For God's
+sake, let me lie down. [_She throws herself upon the settee in front
+of the writing-table, and JEYES moves away as MRS. UPJOHN and ROPER go
+to her._] Don't come near me. Give me my fan. Jimmie, where's my fan?
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+Oh, I've left it in Fitzroy Street!
+
+LILY.
+
+Beast!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Hurrying to the writing-table._] There's one 'ere, among your
+presents.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Unpinning her hat._] Uncle Lal, what an adorable ring that is you've
+sent me!
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Taking the fan from MRS. UPJOHN._] Ring! A brooch!
+
+LILY.
+
+_Somebody's_ sent me a ring.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Sitting in the chair at the end of the settee by the writing-table._]
+There's three rings.
+
+LILY.
+
+Of course! One of them's from Nicko! [_To JEYES._] Did you get my
+sweet telegram, Nicko?
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Who has greeted JIMMIE and is now seated in the chair on the extreme
+left-- sulkily._] I had your telegram, but it's a _pendant_ I sent
+you.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Sitting upon the settee by the piano and pulling off her gloves._]
+Ha, ha, ha!
+
+LILY.
+
+You shut up, Jimmie. [_Snatching the fan from ROPER._] How on earth am
+I to remember! [_Fanning herself._] Who's given me _this_ pretty
+thing?
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Mr. Monty Levine.
+
+LILY.
+
+Bless him! He's a dear little man, though he does bite his nails.
+[_GLADYS appears with VINCENT BLAND, who saunters in after her. Seeing
+LILY, GLADYS advances to her._] Hallo, Vincent!
+
+BLAND.
+
+[_A thin, delicate looking man of eight-and-thirty, not over smartly
+dressed, wearing an eye-glass-- nodding to LILY casually._] You
+needn't have cut me, almost on your door-step. [_To JIMMIE and
+JEYES._] H'lo, Jimmie! H'lo, Nicko!
+
+GLADYS.
+
+[_Viewing LILY with an elevation of the brows._] Oh, are you home?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Returning GLADYS'S stare._] Apparently.
+
+GLADYS.
+
+I'll whistle up to Maud.
+
+LILY.
+
+Don't, if it's too severe a strain on you.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_To GLADYS, as the girl moves to the door._] Gladys, we'll 'ave tea.
+
+GLADYS.
+
+[_At the door._] You can't till it's ready.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Calmly._] Cheek!
+
+  [_GLADYS retires._
+
+BLAND.
+
+[_Who has strolled across to LILY, indolently._] Why do you retain the
+services of that tousled-headed hussy?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_With conviction._] Oh, she's a little under the weather, but she's a
+perfect servant.
+
+BLAND.
+
+[_To MRS. UPJOHN._] Ma, you look blooming.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Wish I could return the compliment, Mr. Bland.
+
+BLAND.
+
+[_To ROPER, who is wearing a waistcoat of rather a pronounced
+pattern._] Congratulations on your waistcoat, Lal.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Joining JIMMIE, annoyed._] Now, no personalities.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Giving BLAND her hand._] Vincent, yours is one of the loveliest
+presents I've had to-day. _Remerciement!_ How's that for a French
+accent?
+
+BLAND.
+
+[_Dropping his eyeglass._] You cat!
+
+LILY.
+
+Why----?
+
+BLAND.
+
+You know I've given you nothing, not even a penny nosegay.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+Ha, ha, ha!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Raising herself on her elbow._] On my honour--! Vincent dear,
+I swear I thought----!
+
+BLAND.
+
+The funds are too low. [_Replacing his eyeglass._] I did go so far as
+to price a bangle at Sellby's, but that was before a certain event
+yesterday.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+What horses did you back, Vincent? I won a fiver, through Jerry
+Grimwood.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_To BLAND._] You _are_ a patent ass. Why don't you leave betting
+alone?
+
+BLAND.
+
+[_To ROPER, flaring up._] Why don't you leave your City muck alone?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Putting her feet to the floor, imperiously._] That'll do. Be quiet,
+you two! I won't have any wrangling in my house. Run away and play,
+all of you. I want to speak to Vincent for a minute privately. [_With
+a gesture._] Uncle Lal-- Jimmie-- Nicko-- [_To MRS. UPJOHN._] Scoot,
+mother!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Oh, dear, wot a child!
+
+  [_ROPER, JIMMIE, JEYES, and MRS. UPJOHN move away and LILY beckons to
+  BLAND._
+
+LILY.
+
+Vin.
+
+BLAND.
+
+[_Close to her, with a wry face._] Mercy!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_In a low voice._] You've broken your word to me, then? [_Through her
+teeth._] Those damned horses!
+
+BLAND.
+
+Cooling had a tip from the stable----
+
+LILY.
+
+Cooling! Morrie Cooling has no children; only a fat wife. You've a
+darling little wife and three kiddies. How much did you drop
+yesterday?
+
+BLAND.
+
+Shan't say.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Rising and touching his arm._] Oh, Vincent!
+
+  [_She looks round, to assure herself that she is unobserved. MRS.
+  UPJOHN and ROPER are seated at the tea-table with their heads
+  together, talking; JIMMIE is at the piano, fingering out a piece of
+  music; JEYES is half hidden in the arm-chair facing the settee at the
+  back. LILY tiptoes to the writing-table and seats herself there as
+  GLADYS reappears showing in the BARON VON RETTENMAYER._
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_A tall, fair young man of three-and-thirty, speaking in thick,
+guttural tones-- advancing to LILY._] Aha, goddess! [_Gladys
+withdraws._] Many habby returns of the day!
+
+LILY.
+
+H'sh! I'm busy for a moment, Baron.
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_To LILY-- shaking hands with BLAND._] A thousand bardons.
+
+LILY.
+
+Talk to mother and Jimmie.
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+With bleasure. [_Going to MRS. UPJOHN and ROPER and shaking hands with
+them._] How are you, my dear Ma? How are you, Jimmie? [_Waving a hand
+to ROPER and JEYES._] My dear Rober! My dear Neegolas!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_To VON RETTENMAYER, mimicking him._] Rober! Neegolas! Why don't they
+provide you with throat lozenges at the Embassy, Baron?
+
+  [_VON RETTENMAYER laughs. LILY has quickly opened a drawer in the
+  writing-table and produced a cheque-book. After another glance over
+  her shoulder, she sweeps the presents aside and writes. Then she
+  replaces the cheque-book, rises, and returns to BLAND. Again there is
+  a loud guffaw from VON RETTENMAYER in response to some sally of
+  JIMMIE'S._
+
+LILY.
+
+[_To BLAND, folding a cheque and slipping it into his hand._]
+Promise-- promise you won't make another bet.
+
+BLAND.
+
+[_Unfolding the cheque._] Your cheque?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Hastily._] Put it in your pocket.
+
+BLAND.
+
+A blank one.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_In a whisper._] Don't fill it in for more than you can help. _I'm_
+not over flush.
+
+  [_He deliberately tears the cheque into four pieces and, looking at
+  her steadily, puts them into his waistcoat-pocket._
+
+BLAND.
+
+[_As he does so._] I'll keep those, Lil, for as long as I keep
+anything.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Hotly._] You fool, Vincent!
+
+BLAND.
+
+My dear, as if----!
+
+LILY.
+
+Such ridiculous pride! [_Stamping her foot._] Lord, what I owe to you!
+
+  [_GLADYS enters with SAM DE CASTRO. GLADYS is carrying a lace-edged
+  table-cloth which, assisted by MRS. UPJOHN, she proceeds to lay upon
+  the tea-table._
+
+BLAND.
+
+[_Moving away to join the others-- to DE CASTRO._] Ha, Sam!
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+[_A stout, coarse, but genial-looking gentleman of forty, of marked
+Jewish appearance, speaking with a lisp-- shaking hands with LILY._]
+How are you to-day, Lil? Many happy returnth, wunth more.
+
+LILY.
+
+Thanks, dear old boy. [_Sitting on the settee in front of the
+writing-table._] Did I send you a wire this morning?
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+Not you; not a thix-pen'north.
+
+LILY.
+
+I ought to have done so, to acknowledge your-- what was it?
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+A ring-- diamondth and thapphires.
+
+LILY.
+
+Ah, yes; beautiful.
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+It _ith_ rather a nithe ring. [_Lowering his voice._] But I thay.
+
+LILY.
+
+What?
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+Mind you don't go and tell Gabth, on any account.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_With a great assumption of ignorance, raising her eyebrows._] Gabs?
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+Gabrielle-- Mith Kato.
+
+LILY.
+
+Why shouldn't I?
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+Nonsenth; _you_ know very well. [_Urgently._] You won't, will you?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Shrugging her shoulders._] I won't if I remember not to.
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+[_Alarmed._] Ah, now, don't be thtupid! Whath the good o' making
+mithchief! [_LILY shows him the tip of her tongue._] Oh, Lil! [_GLADYS
+goes out._] Lil----!
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Leaving the group at the back and putting an arm round DE CASTRO'S
+shoulder._] My dear friend Zam!
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+How are you, Baron? [_Going to MRS. UPJOHN._] Afthernoon, Ma!
+[_Nodding to JIMMIE and ROPER._] Afthernoon, everybody! [_Shaking
+hands with JEYES, who has risen and now joins the group._] How are
+you, Nicko?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Giving her hand to VON RETTENMAYER._] Excuse me for cutting you
+short when you came in. Thanks for your splendid present. I did send
+you a wire, didn't I?
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Kissing her hand and bowing over it._] I shall breserve it, with a
+few oder souvenirs, till the end of my life.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Withdrawing her hand and blowing the compliment away._] Phew! Lal,
+lal, lal, la!
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_In an altered tone, after a cautious look round._] Goddess.
+
+LILY.
+
+Eh?
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Anxiously._] My drifling liddle offering-- I endreat you not to
+mention it to Enid.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Laughing heartily._] Ha, ha, ha, ha! Another of you!
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+The gharming Miss Mongreiff.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Seriously._] Baron, I wish you boys wouldn't make me presents and
+then ask me to keep them a secret from the other girls.
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+And I-- I wish it were not nezezzary. But, goddess, you are alzo a
+young lady of the world-- you know what women are.
+
+LILY.
+
+H'm! I know what you men are.
+
+  [_MAUD, a buxom young woman with a good-tempered face, dressed as a
+  lady's-maid, enters quickly, tying her apron, and runs to LILY. JEYES
+  comes to the further side of the writing-table and VON RETTENMAYER now
+  joins him there. JIMMIE BIRCH also comes forward, accompanied by DE
+  CASTRO._
+
+MAUD.
+
+[_To LILY._] Here, give me your things. [_LILY tosses her hat, scarf,
+and gloves to MAUD._] I was in my room, having a lie down. Is my hair
+untidy?
+
+LILY.
+
+I've never seen it anything else.
+
+MAUD.
+
+[_Merrily._] Ha, ha, ha! [_To JIMMIE and DE CASTRO._] Afternoon, Miss
+Jimmie. Afternoon, Mr. de Castro. [_To LILY._] Now, don't let them all
+tire you to death, there's a pet.
+
+LILY.
+
+Oh, clear out. [_As MAUD is departing._] Hi! [_Rising and kicking off
+her shoes and sending them in MAUD'S direction._] Fetch me a pair of
+slippers.
+
+MAUD.
+
+[_Picking up the shoes and chuckling._] He, he, he!
+
+  [_When MAUD reaches the door, which she has left open, GLADYS appears
+  with the tea-tray and with FARNCOMBE at her heels._
+
+GLADYS.
+
+[_To MAUD, in a low voice, witheringly._] Oh, you're doing something,
+are you?
+
+MAUD.
+
+[_In the same tone, passing GLADYS._] Yes, setting you an example, my
+girl. [_Encountering FARNCOMBE._] Beg pardon.
+
+  [_MAUD withdraws, closing the door, and FARNCOMBE stands looking at
+  LILY, who is talking to JIMMIE. GLADYS carries the tray to the
+  tea-table._
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Become aware of FARNCOMBE'S presence and nodding to him._] How d'ye
+do?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Moving a step or two towards her._] I-- I've been here before this
+afternoon. I ventured to bring you some flowers.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Going to him and shaking hands with him formally._] Nobody told me.
+Awfully kind of you. Where have they put them?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Lifting his basket of flowers from off the piano and showing it to
+her._] Here.
+
+LILY.
+
+Pretty. [_Pulling out a carnation._] Stick it up there again. [_He
+replaces the basket._] You're Lord Farncombe, aren't you?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Yes.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_With a glance at the others._] Know anybody here?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Looking round the room._] Nearly everybody, I fancy. [_He advances
+to VON RETTENMAYER, who comes to meet him. LILY sits upon the settee
+by the piano and fastens the carnation in her dress. GLADYS goes
+out._] Karl----!
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+My dear Eddie!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Bowing to DE CASTRO, who is now seated beside JIMMIE on the settee
+in front of the writing-table._] How are you, Mr. de Castro? [_To
+JEYES, who is standing by the chair at the writing-table gnawing his
+moustache and watching LILY and FARNCOMBE sourly._] How are you,
+Captain Jeyes? [_Turning to BLAND._] How are you, Mr. Bland? [_To
+LILY._] I've been talking to Mrs. Upjohn and Mr. Roper already.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Looking across to JIMMIE._] Miss Birch-- Lord Farncombe.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Nodding to FARNCOMBE._] How d'ye do?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Going to JIMMIE and shaking hands with her._] I-- I needn't say that
+I am one of Miss Birch's warmest-- most profound----
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Smiling at him._] That's all right; don't you bother about that.
+
+  [_MAUD returns, carrying a pair of silken slippers. VON RETTENMAYER,
+  who has come to LILY, makes a dart at the slippers and takes them from
+  MAUD._
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+Aha! Permid me.
+
+MAUD.
+
+Now, Baron----! [_Slapping his arm._] Ha, ha, ha----!
+
+  [_He pushes MAUD out of the room, she resisting laughingly, and closes
+  the door._
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Holding the slippers aloft._] Gendlemen! Homage to Beaudy! Vollow
+me! Zam! Vinzent! Rober! Neego! Eddie! [_The men put themselves behind
+him, in single file, in the order in which he calls them, with the
+exception of JEYES, who deliberately sits at the writing-table, and
+FARNCOMBE, who is embarrassed. JIMMIE claps her hands and MRS. UPJOHN,
+who is pouring out tea, laughs herself into a fit of coughing._] Ta,
+ta, ra, ra, ta, ta! Boum, boum!
+
+LILY.
+
+Baron, you great baby!
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+Quig! Marge!
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Calling to FARNCOMBE._] Come along, Farncombe!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Giving FARNCOMBE a shove._] Go on!
+
+  [_FARNCOMBE takes his place behind ROPER and, headed by VON
+  RETTENMAYER, the men march round the room._
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Waving the slippers in the air and singing._]
+
+  Weib, was ist in aller Welt
+  Dir an Schönheit gleichgestellt!
+  Reizumflossen, wunderhold,
+  Perl' der Schöpfung, Herzensgold!
+  Tag's Gedanken, Traum der Nacht,
+  Schweben um Dich, Süsse, sacht.
+
+  [_VON RETTENMAYER halts before LILY and kneels to her. She extends her
+  left foot and he kisses her instep and puts her foot into her slipper.
+  She rewards him by lightly boxing his ears. He makes way for DE
+  CASTRO, handing him the other slipper, and DE CASTRO performs the same
+  ceremony with LILY'S right foot. She upsets DE CASTRO'S balance by a
+  little kick._
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Seating himself beside JIMMIE, singing._]
+
+  Venus, seinen Nacken beut
+  Dir Den Sklave, dienstbereit!
+
+  [_DE CASTRO gathers himself up and sits in the chair at the end of the
+  settee in front of the, writing-table. BLAND and ROPER, having knelt
+  and kissed LILY'S foot, also sit, the former in the chair in the
+  middle of the room, the latter in the chair on the extreme left.
+  Finally, FARNCOMBE finds himself before LILY. He looks at her
+  hesitatingly and she returns his look with awakened interest and
+  withdraws her foot._
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Shaking her head._] No, no; don't _you_ be silly, like the others.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Loudly._] Tea!
+
+  [_BLAND, VON RETTENMAYER and DE CASTRO jump up and go to the tea-table
+  where FARNCOMBE joins them. GLADYS enters, carrying a stand on which
+  are a plate of bread-and-butter, a dish of cake, etc. ROPER takes the
+  stand from her and the girl retires. FARNCOMBE brings LILY a cup of
+  tea. DE CASTRO and BLAND follow him, the one with a milk-jug, the
+  other with a sugar-basin. VON RETTENMAYER carries a cup of tea to
+  JIMMIE, and then DE CASTRO and BLAND, having waited upon LILY, go to
+  JIMMIE with the milk and sugar. ROPER hands the bread-and-butter and
+  cake to LILY, then to JIMMIE, and in the end ROPER, BLAND, DE CASTRO
+  and VON RETTENMAYER assemble at the tea-table and receive their cups
+  of tea from MRS. UPJOHN._
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Relieving GLADYS of the stand._] Give it to me. I want a little
+exercise.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Taking her cup of tea from FARNCOMBE._] Thanks.
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+[_Helping LILY to milk._] Milk-ho!
+
+BLAND.
+
+Sugar?
+
+LILY.
+
+Br-r-r-rh! I'm putting on weight as it is.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Offering the bread-and-butter, etc.-- facetiously._] Ices, sweets
+_or_ chocolates, full piano-score!
+
+LILY.
+
+Nothing to eat, Uncle; I dine at six.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Calling to JEYES from the tea-table._] Captain, ain't you goin' to
+'ave any tea?
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Moodily examining the presents on the writing-table._] No, thank
+you, Mrs. Upjohn.
+
+BLAND.
+
+[_To JIMMIE, after she has been helped to milk._] Sugar?
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+Two lumps.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Pushing BLAND and DE CASTRO aside, imitating a female voice._] Ices,
+sweets _or_ chocolates, full piano-score!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Cutting a slice of cake._] Lal, the world 'ud be a much happier
+place to live in if Lloyd George taxed your jokes.
+
+VON RETTENMAYER, BLAND, and DE CASTRO. [_Returning to the tea-table._]
+Ha, ha, ha, ha!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_To FARNCOMBE, who remains standing near her._] Seen our show at the
+Pandora?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Gazing at her._] Twenty-three times.
+
+LILY.
+
+Not really?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+This week and last, every night.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Running her eye over him._] You in the Guards, by any chance?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Nodding._] Yes.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Smiling._] Ah, you'll never do a braver deed than seeing our show
+twenty-three times.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_As ROPER leaves her to go to the table, her mouth full of cake._]
+Boys! [_Choking._] Heugh, heugh, heugh! Wait a minute; I've swallowed
+some of the Baron's German. [_Gulping._] B-oys, seriously-- no rot--
+[_raising her tea-cup_] jolly good health to Lily! [_There is a cry of
+approbation from BLAND, VON RETTENMAYER, DE CASTRO and ROPER.
+FARNCOMBE fetches himself a cup of tea from the tea-table._] She's a
+white woman, Lily is-- the staunchest, truest pal, where she takes a
+liking----
+
+BLAND, VON RETTENMAYER, DE CASTRO, AND ROPER.
+
+Hear, hear!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Pressing forward through the men and going to LILY._] And the best
+daughter breathing. [_Embracing LILY and then turning to the others._]
+D'ye notice the new dress I'm wearin' this afternoon?
+
+LILY.
+
+Don't, mother; don't.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Fifteen guineas it's cost her. [_Sitting in the chair on the extreme
+left, proudly._] Madame Godolphin made it, and a 'at to go with it
+_ong sweet_.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_To MRS. UPJOHN._] Hu-s-s-sh!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+Well---- [_sipping her tea as if drinking a toast_] in a cup of tea!
+
+BLAND, DE CASTRO, AND ROPER.
+
+[_Sipping their tea._] In a cup o' tea!
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Drinking._] In a gob o' dea!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_To VON RETTENMAYER, mockingly._] Gob o' dea!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Waving her hand._] Thank you, Jimmie. Thank you, dear boys, from the
+bottom of my heart.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_To the men._] By Jove, she saved _me_ once from going home to a
+cheap lodging and taking a dose of rat-killer!
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Behind ROPER and DE CASTRO, peeping over their shoulders._] A pidy--
+a gread pidy.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_To VON RETTENMAYER._] I'll attend to you presently, Baron.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_To JIMMIE._] I remember. A wretched little shrimp you looked that
+day.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_To everybody._] It was my first morning at the Pandora. They'd had
+me up from Harrogate in a hurry, to take Gwennie Harker's place. I'd
+been playing her part in the Number Two Co. in the country; and she'd
+left 'em in a hole, to get married to a stupid lord---- [_To
+FARNCOMBE, finding him standing near her._] Sorry. I was to have only
+one rehearsal; [_clenching her fist_] and, oh, didn't they treat me
+abominably! Miss Ensor was late and we were all hanging about on the
+stage, waiting for her. I've never felt so cold in my life, or so
+lonely. Not a word of welcome, not a nod, from a single soul; simply a
+blank stare occasionally from a haughty beauty with a curled lip! And
+at last, when I was on the point of howling, I became conscious that
+somebody was watching me-- a tall, pretty thing in a lavender
+frock----
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+[_Sitting in the chair in the middle of the room._] Lil.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+I caught her eye, and she came straight over to me and sat down beside
+me. "Shaky?" she said. "A corpse," I said. And she quietly laid hold
+of my hand and held it till Dolly Ensor condescended to stroll in. And
+when I got up I asked her who she was, and she told me. "Oh, my God,"
+I said, "I'll never forget your kindness! Why, of course, you're the
+'Mind the Paint' girl----!"
+
+ROPER, DE CASTRO, AND VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Singing._] "Mind the paint! Mind the paint! Tra, lal, la, lal, la,
+lal, la, lal, la, lal, tra, la, la, la----!"
+
+  [_BLAND seats himself at the piano and thumps out the air of the
+  refrain of "Mind the Paint." The three men, mouthing the time
+  silently, wave their arms, and LILY'S head and body move from side to
+  side._
+
+BLAND.
+
+[_With a groan._] Ugh! Is there anything more ancient than a
+four-year-old comic song? [_Playing a few bars of the melody of the
+song._] Shade of Nineveh and all the buried cities!
+
+ROPER, VON RETTENMAYER, AND DE CASTRO.
+
+[_To LILY, coaxingly._] Lily! Goddess! Lil!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Shaking her head._] Oh, boys, it's gone. [_Pressing temples._]
+I couldn't----
+
+  [_BLAND plays the introductory symphony and then pauses. Then she
+  sings, he accompanying her. In a moment or two, the song comes back to
+  her readily and she gives it with great witchery and allurement. JEYES
+  starts up and goes to the window in the wall on the right and looks
+  out._
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Singing._]
+
+  I've a very charming dwelling,
+  (You know where without the telling)
+  Decorated in a style that's rather quaint!
+                            Smart and quaint!
+  When you pay my house a visit,
+  You may scrutinise or quiz it,
+  But you mustn't touch the paint!
+                            Brand-new paint!
+  Mind the paint! Mind the paint!
+  (No matter whether Maple's bills are settled or they ain't!)
+  Once you smear it or you scratch it,
+  It's impossible to match it;
+  So take care, please, of the paint-- of the paint!
+
+  [_Rising and coming to the middle of the room, LILY repeats the
+  refrain, dancing to it gracefully. JIMMIE also rises and she, ROPER,
+  VON RETTENMAYER, and DE CASTRO join in the chorus and the dance, the
+  three men very extravagantly. FARNCOMBE looks on, enraptured, while
+  MRS. UPJOHN beats time with her hands._
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Singing._]
+
+  I'm possessed of all the graces,
+  Oh, a perfect dr-r-r-ream my face is!
+  (It may owe to Art a trifle or it mayn't
+                            H'm, it mayn't!)
+  And I'll cry out for assistance.
+  Should you fail to keep your distance,
+  Goodness gracious, mind the paint!
+                            Mind the paint!
+  Mind the paint! Mind the paint!
+  A girl is not a sinner just because she's not a saint!
+  But my heart shall hold you dearer--
+  You may come a little nearer--
+  If you'll _only_ mind the paint-- mind the paint!
+
+  [_The refrain is repeated as before, MRS. UPJOHN rising and taking a
+  share in it. Then LILY drops on to the settee before the
+  writing-table, laughing and holding up her hands in protest._
+
+LILY.
+
+No more, boys! [_ROPER, VON RETTENMAYER, and DE CASTRO gather round
+her, applauding her and urging her to continue._] No, no; no more!
+I've had such a stiff day----
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_With sudden energy, to everybody._] Out you go, all of you; out you
+go!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_To the men._] Come on; let's mizzle. [_Shaking hands with
+FARNCOMBE._] Cruel of us to tire her so.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Tapping VON RETTENMAYER on the shoulder._] Now, then, Baron!
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Shaking hands with LILY._] I'm goming.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Taking VON RETTENMAYER to the door._] Well, _gome_!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Pulling ROPER away from LILY._] Now, Uncle!
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Adjusting his coat._] Mind the paint, Ma.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Calling out._] Good-bye, Lil!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_As she shakes hands with DE CASTRO, calling to JIMMIE._] Good-bye!
+
+  [_JIMMIE and VON RETTENMAYER disappear._
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Now, Mr. de Castro! [_Moving with ROPER towards the door._] 'Owever
+d'ye think she's goin' to get through her work to-night!
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+[_Pausing to comb his moustache._] Quite right, Ma---- [_thoughtlessly_]
+and a thupper and a danthe afterwardth.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Turning upon him quickly._] Sssh! [_In a low voice._] Dam fool!
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+[_Clapping his hand to his mouth._] Oh----!
+
+  [_They glance at JEYES who, hearing de Castro's remark, has left the
+  window and come forward a step or two._
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Uneasily._] Er-- good-bye, Nicko.
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+[_To JEYES, in the same way._] G-good-bye.
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_To both, dryly._] Good-bye.
+
+BLAND.
+
+[_Talking to LILY, neither of them having heard de Castro's slip._]
+That jingle-- an echo of old times, eh?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Looking up at him._] Yes, but not better times than these times,
+Vin?
+
+BLAND.
+
+[_Sadly, holding her hand._] Ah, Lil, there are so many tunes in life
+left for _you_, my dear!
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_At the door, with MRS. UPJOHN and DE CASTRO-- to BLAND._] Come along,
+Vincent.
+
+  [_BLAND joins the group at the door as FARNCOMBE approaches LILY._
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Shaking hands with her._] Thank you. [_With fervour._] Glorious!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Reproachfully._] For shame!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+I mean it.
+
+LILY.
+
+T'sh! [_Lightly._] See you again some day, perhaps?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Ah, yes--
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Calling to FARNCOMBE._] Coming our way, Farncombe?
+
+  [_ROPER, BLAND, and DE CASTRO depart. FARNCOMBE bows to LILY and makes
+  for the door._
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_To JEYES._] Good-bye, Captain Jeyes.
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Who has wandered to the entrance to the conservatory, where he is
+now standing with his back to the room-- half turning._] Good-bye.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Shaking hands with MRS. UPJOHN._] Delightful! Enjoyed myself
+amazingly.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Graciously._] Oh, we're always glad when a few folks pop in-- [_he
+wrings her hand_] if they don't over-stay their welcome.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Naturally. [_Hurriedly._] Good-bye. [_He vanishes._
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Remaining at the door._] Captain----
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Advancing._] I want just half a dozen words with Lily, Mrs. Upjohn.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_To MRS. UPJOHN._] Tell Maud to put out my old green frock, mother;
+I'll be up in a minute or two.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_To JEYES._] Now, you won't keep 'er longer, will you?
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Grimly._] No, no; I know she won't be in bed till four o'clock
+to-morrow morning at the earliest. [_MRS. UPJOHN goes out, closing the
+door, and Jeyes comes to LILY._] So Smythe is giving you a grand feed
+to-night at the theatre, Lil?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Arranging the pillows on the settee._] In the foyer.
+
+JEYES.
+
+And a dance, it appears.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Yawning._] Oh-h-h-h! [_Lying upon the settee at full length._] Who
+told _you_, grumpy?
+
+JEYES.
+
+Roper and your mother told me about the supper. _You_ didn't.
+
+LILY.
+
+Ha, ha! You were in such a vile mood last night, coming home.
+
+JEYES.
+
+Who will there be to dance _with_ to-night?
+
+LILY.
+
+The men of the Company.
+
+JEYES.
+
+That doesn't sound very inspiring.
+
+LILY.
+
+Rather school-treaty, isn't it!
+
+JEYES.
+
+Nobody from outside?
+
+LILY.
+
+No; it's to be only the men in the theatre and the principal ladies.
+
+JEYES.
+
+_Roper's_ going.
+
+LILY.
+
+Uncle Lal? Oh, well, he's hardly from outside.
+
+JEYES.
+
+And de Castro.
+
+LILY.
+
+Sam?
+
+JEYES.
+
+I'm sure of it, from something I heard him say just now.
+
+LILY.
+
+Sam used to finance Carlton. I suppose they reckon _him_ one of us.
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Sitting in the chair in the middle of the room._] Smythe might have
+extended the compliment to _me_, Lil. He knows how I stand towards
+you.
+
+LILY.
+
+Awfully sorry; _I_ can't help it.
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Twining his fingers together._] You see, if Roper and de Castro are
+asked, there may be others.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Changing her position._] Oh, lal, lal, lal, lal, la!
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_With a set jaw._] Some of the more juvenile "boys," perhaps.
+[_Examining his nails._] Lil.
+
+LILY.
+
+What?
+
+JEYES.
+
+When did you make the acquaintance of the young sprig o' the nobility
+who's been here this afternoon?
+
+LILY.
+
+Lord Farncombe? Bertie brought him and introduced him one day last
+week.
+
+JEYES.
+
+Ha! _He's_ at your feet now.
+
+LILY.
+
+Phuh!
+
+JEYES.
+
+Oh, you may "phuh"! He's in front every blessed night. There he sits,
+Row B., three stalls from the end, prompt side!
+
+LILY.
+
+There are a few good-looking girls at the Pandora besides your humble
+servant.
+
+JEYES.
+
+Rubbish! His glass follows you all over the stage. I watched him
+talking to you in this room----
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Raising herself._] Did you indeed!
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Beating his clenched hands upon the arms of his chair._] God in
+heaven! First it's one, then it's another, chasing you!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Putting her feet to the ground._] Oh, you're maddening, Nicko! You
+_are_; you're maddening. Last night it was Stewie Heneage you chose to
+be jealous of, simply because you'd heard him sounding my praises at
+Catani's! You almost broke the window of the car, you went on so!
+
+JEYES.
+
+I confess I object to Heneage, or any man, raving about you at the top
+of his voice in a public place.
+
+LILY.
+
+Sakes alive, why _shouldn't_ Stewie rave about me in a public place,
+if he feels like it! I belong to the public. He might rave about a
+girl who's a jolly sight less deserving of being raved about, as a
+girl _and_ an artist, than I am.
+
+JEYES.
+
+Well, we'll dismiss Heneage.
+
+LILY.
+
+Yes, exit Stewie and enter somebody else for you fuss and fume about.
+This afternoon it's Lord Farncombe, and to-morrow it'll be a fresh
+person altogether. One 'ud think, to hear you, that I don't know how
+to take care of myself, and of any poor boy who loses his head over
+me! [_Rising and walking away._] You're growing worse and worse with
+your jealousy, Nicko. Stop it! I'm surprised at you, after all these
+years! It's beginning to fret me, and that's bad for my spirits and
+bad for me in business. [_At the tea-table, grabbing a piece of
+bread-and-butter and biting at it._] And now you're making me spoil my
+dinner-- [_relenting_] and that's not good for me either, you brute!
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_His hands hanging loosely between his knees, sighing heavily._] Oh,
+Lily, Lily----!
+
+LILY.
+
+Yes, oh, Lily, Lily!
+
+JEYES.
+
+Why-- why don't you put me out of my misery?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Munching._] Poison you?
+
+JEYES.
+
+Marry me.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Behind his chair._] Marry you? [_Taking his handkerchief from his
+breast-pocket and wiping her fingers upon it-- sarcastically._] Have
+you come to tell me you've got some work to do at last? Break it
+gently, Nicko; the shock might be too great for me.
+
+JEYES.
+
+Oh, _I'd_ find a billet soon enough, Lil, if only I'd an incentive to
+hunt for it.
+
+LILY.
+
+Incentive! You _had_ an incentive twelve months ago, when I was
+willing to engage myself to you absolutely if you could obtain a good
+secretaryship or something of the sort.
+
+JEYES.
+
+I-- I've no fancy for a beggarly secretaryship.
+
+LILY.
+
+No; all _you've_ a fancy for, seemingly, is for living on your
+unfortunate people. [_Throwing him his handkerchief and leaving him._]
+How a man of your age can rest satisfied with being a burden to others
+passes my dull comprehension!
+
+JEYES.
+
+I-- I _have_ been a bit slack, I own-- I _have_ been a bit leisurely;
+but----
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Inspecting some of the flowers about the room._] Nicko, that
+pendant, or whatever it is, you've given me-- I don't want to hurt
+you, but I won't accept it. You take it away with you; do you hear?
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Not heeding her, weakly._] Lil----
+
+LILY.
+
+I'm in earnest; you remove it from off my premises.
+
+JEYES.
+
+Lil-- [_she returns to him_] my eldest brother-- Robert-- [_looking up
+at her_] Bob-- [_She nods inquiringly._] Bob's at me to go out to
+Rhodesia, to manage a group of stock farms he's interested in near
+Bulawayo.
+
+LILY.
+
+Oh, why don't you go?
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Forlornly._] Rhodesia! Bulawayo! [_Looking up at her again with a
+dismal smile._] Come with me?
+
+LILY.
+
+Don't be absurd.
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Rising and putting his hands upon her shoulders._] No, you wouldn't
+care a straw-- not a brass farthing-- if I _did_ go, would yer!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Softening again._] Stuff! I should miss you horribly. [_Toying with
+a button of his waistcoat._] Who'd bring me home from the theatre at
+night then, and from rehearsals; who----?
+
+JEYES.
+
+Ah, _who_! [_His grip tightening on her._] _Who!_
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Wincing._] Ssss! You'll bruise my skin if you're not careful.
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Taking her hand and crumpling it in his._] Well, it might be that
+you'd miss me for a while-- the old dog that you're accustomed to find
+lying on your door-mat; [_pressing her hand to his lips_] but you
+don't _love_ me, Lil-- not even as much as you did a year ago. You
+don't _love_ me!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_With a faint shrug of her shoulders._] Perhaps I don't, in the way
+you mean; [_wistfully_] perhaps it's not in me really to love anybody
+in a marrying way. [_Meeting his eyes._] Still, as you say----
+
+JEYES.
+
+As I say----?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Pursing her mouth at him winningly._] I'm _accustomed_ to you,
+Nicko. [_He draws her to him; but, with a laugh, she checks him by
+offering him her head to kiss._] There-- [_putting the point of her
+finger playfully on the crown of her head_] you may _there_. [_As he
+kisses her._] Now I must run upstairs, or mother'll whack me.
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Detaining her._] Won't you allow me to fetch you after the dance?
+
+LILY.
+
+Three or four in the morning! No; I'll give you a rest. Uncle Lal or
+Sam'll take on your job. [_Going to the door._] And don't try to see
+me to-morrow.
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Sharply._] Why not?
+
+LILY.
+
+Not till you turn up at night as usual. I shall be a shocking rag all
+day.
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Breaking out._] Yes, I expect you'll manage to enjoy yourself
+thoroughly, and dance yourself off your feet, whoever your partners
+may be!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Wilfully._] Expect I shall. [_Tossing her head up._] Ha, ha! I'll do
+my best.
+
+  [_She departs, leaving him standing near the tea-table. He takes out
+  his handkerchief and mops his brow. As he does so, his eyes rest upon
+  the telephone-instrument on the writing-table and he stares at it. He
+  hesitates, as if struggling to resist an impulse; then he goes quickly
+  to the instrument and puts the receiver to his ear._
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_After a pause._] Gerrard, three, eight, four, eight. [_Discovering
+that LILY has left the door wide open, he lays the receiver upon the
+writing-table and goes to the door and shuts it. Then he returns to
+the writing-table and again listens at the receiver._] Is that the
+office of the Pandora Theatre?... [_Suddenly, imitating the voice of
+DE CASTRO._] Ith Mithter Morrith Cooling in?... I'm Mithter de Castro
+... Tham de Castro ... Gone, ith he?... Oh, ith that you, Mithter
+Hickthon?... Yeth, you'll do ... About the thupper-party to-night that
+Mithter Smythe ith giving to Mith Parradell ... Yer there?... I didn't
+quite underthtand whether ith to be at the theatre or at a rethtaurong
+... At the theatre?... Oh, yeth ... A largth party?... Oh, that _ith_
+nithe!... Who are the guesth, d'ye know?... Yeth?... Yeth?... Oh, an'
+the boyth!... oh, thome o' the _boyth_ are comin', are they!...
+Hey?... Haven't got the litht from Mithter Roper yet?... Oh, _he'th_
+been helpin' to get it up!... Oh, we _shall_ have a thplendid time!...
+The boyth!... Yeth!... Yeth!... ha, ha, ha, ha!... thankth....
+goo'bye!
+
+  [_He replaces the receiver and stands looking at the door for a
+  moment. Then, with his head bent and his hands clasped behind him, he
+  goes slowly out._
+
+  END OF THE FIRST ACT.
+
+
+
+
+  THE SECOND ACT
+
+
+_The scene is an artistically decorated refreshment-saloon-- or
+"foyer"-- on the first-circle floor of a theatre. The wall facing the
+spectator is panelled partly in glass, and through the glazed panels
+the corridor behind the circle, and the doors admitting to the circle,
+are seen. The right-hand wall is panelled in a similar way, showing
+the landing at the top of the principal staircase and an entrance to
+the corridor. Some music-stands and stools are on the landing,
+arranged for a small orchestra._
+
+_In the right-hand wall there is a double swing-door giving on to the
+landing; and in the wall at the back, opening on to, and from, the
+corridor, there is a single swing-door on the left and another on the
+right. The left-hand door is fastened back into the saloon by a hook.
+Between the two doors in the back wall runs the refreshment-counter._
+
+_In one of the further corners of the saloon there is a plaster statue
+representing the Muse of Comedy, in the opposite corner a companion
+figure of Dancing. In the wall on the left, the grate hidden by
+flowers, is a fireplace with a fender-stool before it, and on either
+side of the fireplace there is a capacious and richly upholstered
+arm-chair. A settee of like design stands against the wall on the
+right between the double-door and the spectator._
+
+_The counter is decked-out as a sideboard, and at equal distances from
+each other there are four round tables laid for a supper-party of
+twenty-six persons. There are eight chairs at one table and six at
+each of the others, the chairs being of the sort usually supplied by
+ball-caterers._
+
+_The saloon and the landing without are brilliantly lighted, the
+corridor less brightly._
+
+
+  [_LUIGI and four waiters-- one of whom has a curly head and a fair
+  beard ending in two flamboyant points-- are putting the finishing
+  touches to the laying of the tables, while MORRIS COOLING, a person of
+  imposing presence displaying a vast expanse of shirt-front, is engaged
+  in placing upon each of the serviettes a card bearing the name of a
+  guest._
+
+COOLING.
+
+[_Referring to a plan of the tables which he has in his hand._] Miss
+Connify-- Miss Connify-- Miss Connify-- where's Miss Connify? Ah, here
+you are, my dear-- [_moving to MISS CONNIFY'S chair and putting a card
+upon her serviette_] next to old Arthur.
+
+  [_The four waiters, obeying a direction in dumb-show from LUIGI, go
+  out at the door on the left._
+
+LUIGI.
+
+[_A little, dark, active man-- viewing the tables with satisfaction._]
+Tables look nice, Mr. Cooling?
+
+COOLING.
+
+[_Absorbed._] Not bad-- not bad-- not bad. [_LUIGI follows the
+waiters._] Miss Kato? [_Moving to another table and laying a card upon
+a serviette._] Gabrielle.
+
+  [_ROPER bustles in through the double-door, in high feather._
+
+ROPER.
+
+Hul-lo! [_Cutting a caper._] Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, and
+how are you to-morrow!
+
+COOLING.
+
+[_Deep in his plan of the tables._] Hullo, Lal!
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Surveying the tables._] Splendid! [_Going from one table to
+another._] Seating 'em, hey?
+
+COOLING.
+
+Mr. Palk-- Mr. Palk-- Mr. Palk? [_Placing another card._] Albert.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Which d'ye make your principal table?
+
+COOLING.
+
+There it is; you're at it.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Ah, yes. [_Examining the cards._] "Miss Lily Parradell--"! [_His jaw
+falling._] Why, you've gone and put the Baron on her right!
+
+COOLING.
+
+[_Unconsciously._] Well, what's the objection?
+
+ROPER.
+
+Where's Farncombe? Where's Lord Farncombe?
+
+COOLING.
+
+On the other side, with Dolly Stidulph and Enid.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Rats!
+
+COOLING.
+
+What do you mean by Rats? [_Advancing to the principal table--
+nettled._] Look heah, Lal----!
+
+ROPER.
+
+My dear fellow, Miss Parradell is the heroine o' the party; the seat
+next to her is the seat of honour.
+
+COOLING.
+
+That's why I've put the Baron there. With things as they are between
+England and Germany----
+
+ROPER.
+
+If Germany doesn't like it, she must lump it. Lord Farncombe's the
+eldest son of an Earl; you can't get over that.
+
+COOLING.
+
+[_Picking up FARNCOMBE'S card._] Oh, have it your own way.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Picking up VON RETTENMAYER'S card._] Besides, the Baron's sweet on
+Enid just now; I'm sure he'd prefer-- [_They exchange the cards and
+rearrange them._] thanks, ol' man. Sorry I was shirty.
+
+COOLING.
+
+[_Laying down his plan and cards and producing a letter from his
+breast-pocket._] By-the-bye, the fair Lily-- the heroine of the party,
+as you call her-- is in a pretty tantrum over the whole business.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Tantrum?
+
+COOLING.
+
+[_Unfolding the letter._] Had this from her ten minutes ago. Listen to
+_this_. [_Reading._] "My Dressing-room. 11-15. 80 degrees, with the
+windows open." [_In an injured tone._] Haw, so I should think!
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Concerned._] What's amiss?
+
+COOLING.
+
+[_Reading._] "Morrie, you pig." [_ROPER whistles._] "Morrie, you pig.
+I should feel deeply indebted to you if you would kindly inform me why
+the devil you went out of your way to deceive me last night. You led
+me to suppose-- and so did that lying worm Lal Roper----" [_looking at
+ROPER_] _You._
+
+ROPER.
+
+Oh, lord!
+
+COOLING.
+
+[_Resuming._] "--that lying worm Lal Roper----"
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Testily._] All right, all right.
+
+COOLING.
+
+"--you both led me to suppose that this rotten banquet was to be a
+family gathering of the ladies and gentlemen of the Pandora Theatre,
+and no outsiders asked. Now I find that only three or four of the men
+of the Company are invited, and I hear from Nita Trevenna, who has got
+it from young Kennedy, that several of the Boys are to be laid on for
+the occasion. The result is you have made me tell a regular whopper to
+a particular friend of mine with regard to this affair----"
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Passing his hand over his brow._] Nicko Jeyes.
+
+COOLING.
+
+"--which I will never forgive you for, Morris Cooling-- neither you
+nor Lal Roper. As true as I am alive, I have a jolly good mind not to
+show, but to put on my old rags and go straight home. You are two
+cads. So take it out of that and believe me, Always yours
+affectionately, Lil."
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Walking about._] Well, I'm blessed!
+
+COOLING.
+
+[_Returning the letter to his pocket._] Haw! Tasty document!
+
+ROPER.
+
+Lying worm and a cad! And from Miss Lily Margaret Upjohn! [_To
+COOLING._] Done anything about it?
+
+COOLING.
+
+No; waited for you. [_Going on with his arrangements at the tables._]
+_You're_ responsible. What _I_ did last night was simply to oblige a
+pal.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Irresolutely._] I'd better run round to her, and try to smooth her
+down, hadn't I?
+
+COOLING.
+
+Perhaps you _had_. [_Placing a card._] Mr. Stewart Heneage. [_To
+ROPER._] Why you wanted to mislead the girl I can't understand.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Damn it, you agreed that that sulky brute Jeyes 'ud be a wet blanket!
+You blow hot and cold, you do!
+
+COOLING.
+
+There you go! More filthy temper!
+
+ROPER.
+
+If ever I assist in getting up another party----! [_As he reaches the
+door on the left, he encounters CARLTON SMYTHE, who is entering at
+that moment, and puts on his humourous manner._] Hul-lo! Here we are
+again! All change for Oxford Circus!
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+[_A bulky, sleepy-looking man with grey hair, a darker moustache and
+beard, and a heavy, rolling gait._] Ha, Lal!
+
+ROPER.
+
+I'm just going to have a word with Lil Parradell.
+
+  [_He disappears and SMYTHE advances._
+
+COOLING.
+
+[_Approaching SMYTHE._] How are you to-night, Chief?
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+[_A silk hat on the back of his head, an overcoat on his arm--
+regarding the preparations with disgust._] Puh! Here's a muck and a
+muddle!
+
+COOLING.
+
+Don't worry; we'll clear it away in no time. Shall I tell you who are
+coming?
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+No; I shall know soon enough. What was the house to-night?
+
+COOLING.
+
+[_Producing a long slip of paper and handing it to SMYTHE._] Big.
+[_SMYTHE scans the paper through half-closed lids and gives a growl of
+contentment._] Haw! And the weather dead against us.
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+[_Screwing up the paper, and cramming it into his waistcoat-pocket._]
+There's no bad weather for a good play. [_Looking at his hands._] I'll
+go and have a wash and brush up. [_LUIGI returns, entering at the door
+on the left, and goes behind the counter. The waiters follow him,
+carrying some melons lying upon ice in plated dishes. They deposit the
+dishes upon the counter and LUIGI proceeds to cut the melon into
+slices. COOLING resumes, at a table on the left, the placing of the
+cards. As SMYTHE is moving towards the right-hand door at the back,
+STEWART HENEAGE and GERALD GRIMWOOD-- two exquisitely dressed youths
+with blank faces-- enter from the landing. SMYTHE shakes hands with
+them._] Ha, Mr. Heneage! Ha, Mr. Grimwood! [_HENEAGE and GRIMWOOD
+murmur some polite expressions._] Excuse me; I'm just going to wash my
+hands. [_DE CASTRO enters, also at the double-door, and SMYTHE shakes
+hands with him. HENEAGE and GRIMWOOD drift over to COOLING, who hails
+them warmly._] How do, Sam! Back in a moment; just going to wash my
+hands.
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+[_Detaining him._] I thay, Carlton.
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+Eh?
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+[_Lowering his voice._] I've been in front again to-night.
+Magnifithent! Marvellouth!
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+[_Resignedly._] It'll do; I shall get a couple o' years out of it.
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+There'th jutht _one_ little improvement I'd like to thee, if I may
+thuggetht it.
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+What's that?
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+[_Linking his arm in SMYTHE'S._] You're thure you won't conthider me
+prethumptuouth?
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+Of course not; very kind of yer.
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+[_In SMYTHE'S ear._] If you _could_ give Gabth-- Mith Kato-- a tiny
+bit more to do in the thecond act----!
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+[_Nodding._] Ah, yes, yes.
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+She'th a little lump o' talent, that gal, if you only realithed it;
+a perfect little lump o' talent.
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+[_Trying to escape._] Er-- I'll think it over.
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+Will yer! An extra thong! That'th all it need be-- an extra thong! Oh,
+it would be _thuch_ an improvement! [_VON RETTENMAYER enters at the
+double-door. The waiters now go to the tables and lay a plate with a
+slice of melon upon it at each cover._] Here'th the Baron. We've been
+thitting together to-night, I and the Baron. [_Wringing SMYTHE'S
+hand._] Thankth. [_Joining COOLING and the others on the left as
+SMYTHE greets VON RETTENMAYER._] Hullo, Morrith! [_Shaking hands with
+HENEAGE and GRIMWOOD._] Well, boyth!
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+[_Shaking hands with VON RETTENMAYER._] Glad to see yer, Baron.
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+Zo good of you to haf me.
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+Excuse me; I'm just going to wash my hands.
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Detaining him._] Bardon me-- one moment----
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+Eh?
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Dropping his voice._] May I dake the liberdy of indulging in a
+liddle griticism on your eggcellent blay?
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+Certainly.
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Drawing SMYTHE away from the tables._] Gome here. [_His mouth close
+to SMYTHE'S ear._] The zecond aggd!
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+Second act; what's the matter with it?
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+The pard where the gharming Miss Barradell is ghanging her gostume----
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+Yes?
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+That is where the biece reguires lifding-- [_with a gesture_] lifding.
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+Lifting?
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+Mr. Davish-- Mr. Balk-- eggsdremely glever; [_slipping his arm through
+SMYTHE'S_] but if you could zee your way glear to gif Enid-- Miss
+Mongreiff-- anoder dance----
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+[_Nodding._] Ah, h'm, h'm.
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+It would remove the zolitary imberfection.
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+Er-- I'll think it over. [_Releasing himself._] I'm just going to wash
+my hands. We'll talk about it later.
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+Schoensten Dank. [_Going to the men on the left._] Aha, Mr. Gooling!
+My dear Steward-- my dear Jerry----!
+
+  [_As SMYTHE is again making for the door on the left, MRS. STIDULPH
+  enters from the landing with COLONEL STIDULPH._
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+[_To MRS. STIDULPH._] Ha, Dolly! [_Kissing her._] How are you, my
+dear?
+
+MRS. STIDULPH.
+
+[_A mature but still beautiful woman, gorgeously dressed and wearing
+showy jewels-- with a lofty air._] How are you, Carlton?
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+[_To STIDULPH._] How d'ye do, Arthur? Delighted to see yer.
+
+MRS. STIDULPH.
+
+Lucky I'm able to come to you to-night. It's so difficult to catch me
+in the season.
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+Been in front?
+
+MRS. STIDULPH.
+
+M'yes; [_in a tone of boredom_] oh, yes.
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+What, don't you like it?
+
+MRS. STIDULPH.
+
+Oh, I don't say I _dis_like it; [_shrugging her shoulders_] but one
+can't forget what one _used_ to do here in the old days.
+
+STIDULPH.
+
+[_An elderly, distinguished-looking man with a meek voice and a
+courteous but rather nervous manner._] I've had a most enjoyable
+evening, Carlton. So bright; so very bright!
+
+MRS. STIDULPH.
+
+[_To STIDULPH, sneeringly._] Oh, anything pleases _you_; _you'd_ laugh
+at Punch and Judy.
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+I'm just running away to wash my hands. [_Looking towards the men on
+the left._] You know Von Rettenmayer?
+
+MRS. STIDULPH.
+
+Know him! Why, he was about in my time! [_Crossing to VON RETTENMAYER,
+followed by STIDULPH._] Karl!
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+My dear lady! [_Kissing her hand perfunctorily._] What bliss!
+[_Shaking hands with STIDULPH._] Golonel!
+
+MRS. STIDULPH.
+
+[_Shaking hands with DE CASTRO._] How are you, Sam?
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+Ah, Dolly! [_To STIDULPH._] Hullo, Arthur!
+
+COOLING.
+
+[_Presenting HENEAGE and GRIMWOOD to the STIDULPHS._] Mr. Stewart
+Heneage-- Mr. Gerald Grimwood----
+
+  [_As the STIDULPHS leave SMYTHE, HERBERT FULKERSON enters from the
+  landing with FARNCOMBE. In dumb-show, SMYTHE and FULKERSON greet each
+  other and then FULKERSON introduces FARNCOMBE._
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+[_Shaking hands with FARNCOMBE._] Glad to make your acquaintance.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Glad to make _yours_, Mr. Smythe-- and in such circumstances!
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+[_A white-faced young man with red eyes and of dissipated appearance--
+espying MRS. STIDULPH._] By Jove, if it isn't Dolly Ensor! [_Hurrying
+to MRS. STIDULPH._] What cheer, Dolly!
+
+MRS. STIDULPH.
+
+[_Coldly._] How do you do, Mr. Fulkerson?
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+[_Slightly abashed._] Oh, I-- I'm pretty middlin', thanks; hope you're
+the same. [_Nodding to STIDULPH._] Evenin', Arthur.
+
+  [_VINCENT BLAND has sauntered in at the door on the left and now joins
+  the group surrounding the STIDULPHS._
+
+BLAND.
+
+[_Nodding to HENEAGE and GRIMWOOD._] H'lo, Stewart! H'lo, Jerry!
+[_Coming to the STIDULPHS._] Dolly----Colonel----
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+[_To FARNCOMBE._] I'll be back in a minute or two; I'm just going to
+wash my hands.
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+[_Calling to FARNCOMBE._] Hi! Eddie!
+
+  [_FARNCOMBE crosses to FULKERSON and is presented by him to the
+  STIDULPHS. GABRIELLE KATO enters at the right-hand door at the back,
+  meeting SMYTHE as he is going out. The waiters have finished setting
+  the plates of melon upon the tables and now withdraw, carrying the
+  plated dishes and preceded by LUIGI, at the door on the left._
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+[_To GABRIELLE._] Ha, Gabby, my dear! Quite well, eh?
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+[_A pretty young woman with a fretful little face expressive of
+extreme dissatisfaction with the world-- looking at SMYTHE
+spiritlessly._] This _is_ a treat. Why, you haven't been to see us for
+ages.
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+[_Cunningly._] I see you all far oftener than you suspect.
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+Do you? That _is_ sly of you.
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+[_Leaving her._] I'm just going to have a wash and brush up.
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+Really? Oh, you _are_ full of news.
+
+  [_He departs as DE CASTRO approaches GABRIELLE._
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+[_In a low voice._] Hullo, Gabth! How are you to-night?
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+Oh, I'm all right, I s'pose. Isn't it hot?
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+[_Not at his ease with her._] It _ith_ inclined that way.
+
+  [_DAPHNE DURE, NITA TREVENNA, DOUGLAS GLYNN, and ALBERT PALK enter at
+  the door on the left. NITA is a tall, handsome girl, DAPHNE a plump,
+  little, fair, baby-faced thing. They are charmingly dressed, as are
+  all the ladies of the Pandora Theatre. GLYNN and PALK-- the latter a
+  short, thick-set man who might reasonably be a low comedian-- are two
+  professional-looking gentlemen of the best class. The arrivals are
+  warmly hailed by FULKERSON, VON RETTENMAYER, HENEAGE, and GRIMWOOD
+  and, with more reserve, by MRS. STIDULPH. STIDULPH has seated himself
+  wearily in the armchair on the nearer side of the fireplace and,
+  beyond listening to BLAND who is talking to him, has withdrawn himself
+  from the proceedings._
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+[_To FARNCOMBE._] Here's Daphne Dure-- and Nita Trevenna. [_Going to
+the new comers._] Hullo, Daphne! Hullo, Nita! How'r'yer, Douglas!
+Hullo, Albert!
+
+DAPHNE and NITA.
+
+How d'ye do, Bertie? [_To VON RETTENMAYER._] How d'ye do, Von?
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Kissing their hands._] Dear ladies! [_To GLYNN and PALK._] Aha, Mr.
+Glynn-- Mr. Balk--!
+
+DAPHNE and NITA.
+
+[_To HENEAGE and GRIMWOOD._] How d'ye do, Stewie? How d'ye do, Jerry?
+[_To MRS. STIDULPH._] Oh, Dolly! That you, Dolly?
+
+MRS. STIDULPH.
+
+Well, girls!
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+Here! I want to introdooce Lord Farncombe. Miss Dure-- Miss Trevenna--
+Lord Farncombe. Douglas-- Albert-- Lord Farncombe.
+
+NITA.
+
+[_Pouncing upon Cooling._] I say, Morris!
+
+COOLING.
+
+What is it, my dear?
+
+NITA.
+
+Is it true that little Kennedy's met with an accident?
+
+COOLING.
+
+Yes; can't join us.
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+The Dwarf! What's happened?
+
+COOLING.
+
+Ran his car into a 'bus, just outside the theatre.
+
+NITA.
+
+Oh!
+
+COOLING.
+
+Pitched himself forward on to his head.
+
+NITA.
+
+His head!
+
+DAPHNE.
+
+[_With a simper._] Don't be anxious, Nita; there's nothing to hurt
+_there_.
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+Poor Dwarf!
+
+  [_GABRIELLE and DE CASTRO now move over to the others._
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+Hullo, Gabs! Hullo, Sam!
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+Ah, Bertie!
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Kissing GABRIELLE'S hand._] Gabrielle!
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+Ah, Von! [_To HENEAGE and GRIMWOOD._] Ah, boys! [_To MRS. STIDULPH._]
+How'r' _you_?
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+[_Shaking hands._] Daphne-- Nita-- Douglath-- Albert--!
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+I want to introdooce Lord Farncombe. Miss Kato-- Lord Farncombe----
+
+  [_A band of musicians have mustered upon the landing and there is the
+  sound of the tuning of instruments._
+
+COOLING.
+
+[_Hurrying across to the double-door._] No, no; no music yet. Wait for
+Miss Parradell! [_As he reaches the double-door, ROPER enters quickly
+at the right-hand door at the back and seizes his arm._] Eh?
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_To COOLING._] It's all right; she'll be round in a minute.
+
+COOLING.
+
+Amiable?
+
+ROPER.
+
+Angelic. She's wearing a new dress, and that's taken her mind off it.
+
+COOLING.
+
+Her bark's always worse than her bite. I knew it 'ud blow over.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Formidably._] Oh, but I have given her such a talking to! [_COOLING
+passes through the double-door, and instructs the leader of the band,
+while ROPER bustles over to the throng on the left._] Hul-lo!
+[_Imitating a street news-vendor._] Speshul edishun, cricket, py-per!
+[_Shaking hands all round._] Dolly-- Nita-- Gabs-- Daphne! Douglas--
+Albert! Ah, here you are, Farncombe! [_Discovering STIDULPH._] Hul-lo,
+Colonel! Results, py-per, extry speshul!
+
+  [_ENID MONCREIFF, WILFRID TAVISH, and SIGISMUND SHIRLEY enter at the
+  right-hand door at the back. ENID is a long, spare-figured girl with
+  the lissom walk of a dancer; TAVISH and SHIRLEY are tall, clean-shaven
+  men of gentlemanlike appearance. VON RETTENMAYER makes for ENID
+  eagerly and is followed, at a more moderate pace, by HENEAGE,
+  GRIMWOOD, and DE CASTRO, and by FULKERSON bringing FARNCOMBE._
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+Miss Mongreiff! [_Kissing ENID'S hand with fervour._] Your dancing was
+more zurprizing to-night than ever. [_To TAVISH and SHIRLEY._] Aha, my
+friends!
+
+ENID.
+
+[_Shaking hands with HENEAGE, GRIMWOOD, and DE CASTRO._] Well, Stew!
+How are you, Jerry! Sam!
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+I want to introdooce Lord Farncombe. Miss Moncreiff-- Lord Farncombe.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Hurrying across._] Hul-lo, here's Enid!
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+[_Shaking hands with TAVISH and SHIRLEY._] Piethe went thplendidly
+thith evenin', didn't it?
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+[_Shaking hands with TAVISH and SHIRLEY._] I want to introdooce Lord
+Farncombe. Mr. Tavish-- Mr. Shirley-- Lord Farncombe.
+
+ENID.
+
+[_Coming forward to greet MRS. STIDULPH who advances to her._] Dolly
+dear!
+
+MRS. STIDULPH.
+
+[_Embracing ENID._] Enid darling! Good gracious, you're becoming an
+absolute skeleton!
+
+ENID.
+
+Indeed? Well, no one can say that of _you_.
+
+MRS. STIDULPH.
+
+It _is_ a pleasure, meeting all you girls to-night. Of course, one
+can't help seeing _changes_.
+
+ENID.
+
+[_Icily._] Ah, it must be a pleasure, _that_.
+
+MRS. STIDULPH.
+
+I'm going to scold dear old Carlton by-and-by. He never gave _me_ a
+birthday-party when I was with him.
+
+ENID.
+
+No; and you had so many birthdays here, hadn't you?
+
+  [_COOLING returns, entering from the landing, and, after looking at
+  the assembly, goes out at the right-hand door at the back. At the same
+  moment, FLO CONNIFY, SYBIL DERMOTT, OLGA COOK, and EVANGELINE
+  VENTRIS-- four statuesque beauties with impassive faces-- enter at the
+  door on the left. OLGA is in a dark gown and EVANGELINE is wearing a
+  rather elaborate head-dress. Instantly there is a movement in the
+  direction of the new arrivals on the part of ROPER, HENEAGE, and
+  GRIMWOOD. DE CASTRO and FULKERSON follow, FULKERSON still leading
+  FARNCOMBE about with him. MRS. STIDULPH turns from ENID disdainfully
+  and joins NITA and DAPHNE at the fireplace. TAVISH and SHIRLEY also
+  move to the left, where they come upon STIDULPH and shake hands with
+  him, while VON RETTENMAYER and ENID, the latter flushed with victory,
+  seat themselves upon the settee on the right._
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Hastening to the beauties._] Hul-lo! Show your tickets, please! Room
+inside for four! [_Shaking hands._] How are you, Flo! How are you,
+Sybil! How are you, Olga! I _say_, look at 'Vangy!
+
+THE FOUR BEAUTIES.
+
+[_As the men shake hands with them, mechanically._] How d'ye do? How
+d'ye do? How d'ye do? How d'ye do?
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+Here! I want to introdooce Lord Farncombe. Miss Connify-- Lord
+Farncombe. Miss Dermott-- Miss Cook-- Miss 'Vangy Ventris-- Lord
+Farncombe.
+
+THE FOUR BEAUTIES.
+
+[_As before._] How d'ye do? How d'ye do? How d'ye do? How d'ye do?
+
+  [_COOLING hurries back._
+
+COOLING.
+
+[_To everybody._] Miss Parradell! [_Opening the double-door and
+signalling to the leader of the band._] Now!
+
+  [_The band strikes up the air of "Mind the Paint" as LILY enters at
+  the right-hand door at the back with JIMMIE BIRCH. LILY is dressed in
+  white, and altogether fulfils exteriorly ROPER'S description of
+  "angelic." She carries a large bouquet of lilies and pale roses with a
+  broad ribbon flowing from it. All the men but FARNCOMBE, who holds
+  aloof, press round her, STIDULPH rising and joining them. The ladies
+  follow._
+
+THE MEN.
+
+[_Struggling for her hand._] Many happy returns of day! Many happy
+returns of the day! Many happy returns of the day!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Battling with the men._] Keep away from her! Bertie, you're on her
+frock! Mind her frock!
+
+ROPER.
+
+Mind the paint!
+
+SOME OF THE MEN.
+
+Ha, ha, ha!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Holding her bouquet above her head._] My roses! Be careful of me,
+boys! One at a time!
+
+THE MEN.
+
+Many happy returns of the day!
+
+LILY.
+
+I want to kiss the girls. Girls----!
+
+  [_The men make way for the ladies who come to LILY._
+
+THE LADIES.
+
+Many happy returns of the day!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Embracing them._] Sybil-- Nita--! Oh, Mrs. Stidulph!-- Enid--
+Daphne-- Gabs-- Flo dear-- Olga-- 'Vangy----!
+
+PALK.
+
+[_Suddenly._] Here's the guv'nor!
+
+  [_SMYTHE enters at the door on the left. LUIGI and the waiters are
+  behind him, the waiters carrying trays on which are sugar-casters and
+  dishes of powdered ginger. At once there is a movement towards SMYTHE
+  of everybody except those who have already greeted him, and LILY who
+  is detained by ROPER and others._
+
+TAVISH.
+
+How are you, guv'nor?
+
+SOME OF THE LADIES.
+
+How d'ye do, Mr. Smythe?
+
+OTHER LADIES.
+
+[_Hustling him._] How are you, Carlton?
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+[_In the midst of them all._] Girls, girls! I'll shake hands with you
+all in turn, girls.
+
+ENID.
+
+Thought you were dead.
+
+DAPHNE.
+
+Yes; look at Olga-- she's in deep mourning.
+
+SOME OF THE LADIES.
+
+Ha, ha, ha!
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+[_Shaking hands._] Don't, girls, don't; you're smothering me.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_During a momentary lull, finding FARNCOMBE standing before her and
+raising her eyebrows._] You! [_Giving him her hand carelessly._] Oh,
+it isn't long before we meet again, is it?
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+[_Puffing and blowing._] That's the lot of yer. Phew! Where's Lily?
+Lily here? [_The crowd divides, to allow him to advance. Seeing LILY,
+he opens his arms and she goes to him and lays her head upon his
+breast._] Lil-- [_patting her shoulders_] my dear!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Half gaily, half tearfully._] Ha, ha, ha! Carlton!
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+Go'blessyer! [_In another tone._] Well, what about something to eat!
+
+LUIGI.
+
+Ready, Mr. Smythe. [_Loudly._] Ladies and gentlemen, supper is ready!
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+Ha!
+
+COOLING.
+
+[_At the principal table._] Here you are, Chief! Miss Parradell!
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+[_To LILY._] Come along!
+
+  [_There is a general hunt for places and much hubbub and confusion._
+
+COOLING.
+
+[_Calling to ROPER._] Lal, that's your table.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Imitating a shop-walker._] Mr. Roper, forward!
+
+COOLING.
+
+Mrs. Stidulph! Lord Farncombe! [_Pointing to another table._] Glynn,
+you're there.
+
+BLAND.
+
+Here you are, Daphne!
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_At his table._] Miss Kato, wanted!
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+[_Calling to GABRIELLE._] Gabth!
+
+NITA.
+
+[_Calling to HENEAGE._] Stewie!
+
+COOLING.
+
+Baron-- Enid----
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+Aha!
+
+COOLING.
+
+[_To STIDULPH._] Over there, Colonel.
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+[_Wandering about._] Where am _I_? Where am _I_?
+
+NITA.
+
+[_Pushing him aside._] Oh, be off!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Calling._] Jimmie!
+
+COOLING.
+
+[_At his place at a table._] Olga, you're here. Mr. Grimwood!
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+Where am _I_?
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_To FULKERSON._] Next to me, worse luck. [_Screwing up her face at
+him._] Ugh!
+
+ROPER.
+
+Ladies' mantles on the second-floor!
+
+COOLING.
+
+Where's Sybil?
+
+DAPHNE.
+
+[_Calling._] Syb! Syb!
+
+  [_The curtain falls, but the music of "Mind the Paint" continues for a
+  while. Then it ceases and, after a short silence, the curtain rises
+  again. The supper-tables have disappeared and the saloon is empty of
+  people. The musicians and their music-stands and stools have also
+  gone, and faintly from the distance comes the sound of a waltz. Two
+  settees, matching the rest of the furniture, now stand in the centre
+  of the saloon back-to-back, one of them facing the counter, the other
+  facing the spectator. LILY'S bouquet lies on the nearer of the two
+  settees, and upon the floor there is a fan, a red rose that has fallen
+  from a lady's corsage, and a pocket-handkerchief with a powder-puff
+  peeping from it. On the counter there are carafes of lemonade,
+  decanters of spirits and syphons of soda-water, a bowl of
+  strawberries-and-cream, various dishes of cakes, boxes of cigars and
+  cigarettes, a lighted spirit-lamp, and other adjuncts of a buffet.
+  COLONEL STIDULPH wanders in through the double-door as the waltz comes
+  to an end. Feebly and dejectedly he goes to the counter, takes a
+  cigarette, and is lighting it when LUIGI and the waiters enter the
+  door on the left. Two of the waiters are carrying bottles of champagne
+  in wine-coolers, another brings a tray on which are champagne-glasses
+  and tumblers, and the bearded waiter follows with a large dish of
+  sandwiches._
+
+LUIGI.
+
+[_Behind the counter-- to STIDULPH, familiarly._] Ain't you dancing,
+Colonel?
+
+STIDULPH.
+
+Dancing-- I? [_Shaking his head._] No.
+
+LUIGI.
+
+[_Who speaks Cockney English with a slight foreign ascent-- cutting
+the wire of a champagne bottle._] Why, you used to be a regular
+slap-up dancing man when I first knew you.
+
+STIDULPH.
+
+[_Nodding._] Ah, ah; [_moving away_] my dancing days are done.
+
+LUIGI.
+
+Done! Oh, I like that! I bet you ain't sixty, come now, eh?
+
+STIDULPH.
+
+What's the time, Luigi? I haven't a watch on.
+
+LUIGI.
+
+Time, Colonel? [_Looking at his watch._] Twenty to three.
+
+STIDULPH.
+
+No later? [_Sitting on the settee on the right, with a sigh._] Oh,
+dear!
+
+  [_One of the waiters goes out, in obedience to a direction from LUIGI,
+  at the door on the left as HENEAGE enters with ENID, GRIMWOOD with
+  NITA, and VON RETTENMAYER with MRS. STIDULPH at the right-hand door at
+  the back. A wisp of hair has fallen over HENEAGE'S forehead, GRIMWOOD
+  looks somewhat downcast, and VON RETTENMAYER is obviously bored by
+  MRS. STIDULPH._
+
+ENID.
+
+[_To HENEAGE, walking across to the left._] Never been to Ostend!
+You've never been born, then. I'm counting the hours to my holiday.
+[_Sitting in the chair on the nearer side of the fireplace._] Hôtel de
+la Plage. Why don't you run over while I'm there?
+
+NITA.
+
+[_To GRIMWOOD, following ENID._] My dear boy, I give you my solemn
+word it wasn't you. It was that fool Bertie. Anyhow, it's a rotten old
+frock. [_Showing a small rent in her skirt to ENID, gaily._] Pom,
+pa-ra, rom, pom, pom!
+
+  [_HENEAGE and GRIMWOOD go to the counter, secure a waiter, and return
+  with him to ENID and NITA. The waiter receives his orders and
+  presently fetches the ladies glasses of lemonade._
+
+MRS. STIDULPH.
+
+[_Whispering to VON RETTENMAYER._] Well! Did you ever! Just fancy!
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Absently, looking at ENID._] I beg your bardon?
+
+MRS. STIDULPH.
+
+Fancy those two girls walking into a room before _us_! [_Discovering
+the fan upon the floor._] Oh, I do believe that's my fan!
+
+  [_VON RETTENMAYER restores the fan to MRS. STIDULPH as ROPER and
+  GABRIELLE enter at the door on the left._
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+[_To ROPER, in a low, complaining voice._] It's a shame of you; that's
+what it is. You went and put Lily Parradell into rubber and enabled
+_her_ to make a bit. She told us so.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Yes; but how long ago?
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+That's not the point. The point is, it's always Lily Parradell with
+you; you never do anything for us other girls.
+
+  [_She sits upon the nearer settee in the centre and she and ROPER, he
+  standing by her, continue their conversation._
+
+MRS. STIDULPH.
+
+[_To VON RETTENMAYER._] No, thanks; I'm on a diet. Didn't you notice
+me at supper? [_Moving to the settee on the right._] Let's sit. [_To
+STIDULPH._] Oh, get up. [_STIDULPH rises quickly._] Why aren't you
+dancing? If you don't dance, go home and put yourself to bed. You
+might, for all the good you're doing here.
+
+STIDULPH.
+
+[_With a forced, painful laugh._] Ha, ha! Ha, ha, ha!
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_As MRS. STIDULPH seats herself._] Blenty of room for you too,
+Golonel.
+
+STIDULPH.
+
+No, no; I won't inconvenience you.
+
+  [_He moves away and VON RETTENMAYER sits beside MRS. STIDULPH. The
+  waiter who has previously gone out now returns at the door on the left
+  with a tray of ices in paper cases. He goes to the counter for a
+  supply of ice-spoons as FARNCOMBE enters with LILY at the right-hand
+  door at the back. Her cheeks are flushed, her eyes sparkling._
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_All his attention suddenly directed to LILY and FARNCOMBE._] Here's
+Lil!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Excitedly, seizing STIDULPH'S hand._] You're not dancing, Colonel
+Stidulph. [_Showing him her programme._] Dance with me. I'll make one
+of the others give up a dance for you.
+
+STIDULPH.
+
+[_Going to the counter._] No, no; I'm too old.
+
+LILY.
+
+Too old for dancing! I shall never be too old for dancing. [_Coming to
+the nearer settee in the centre, picking up her bouquet, and sitting
+beside GABRIELLE._] Ah-h-h-h!
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_To FARNCOMBE, who follows LILY._] Hul-lo! [_Beaming._] Jolly party,
+hey, Farncombe?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Boyishly._] Lovely! [_To LILY._] May I bring you some lemonade-- an
+ice----?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Looking up at him._] You may keep on bringing me ices till the music
+starts again. [_FARNCOMBE leaves her._] Gabby, wasn't that waltz
+delicious!
+
+  [_PALK and SYBIL enter at the door on the left. SYBIL seats herself
+  beside NITA on the fender-stool and PALK fetches her some
+  refreshment._
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+[_To LILY, drearily._] I say, Lil.
+
+LILY.
+
+What?
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+How much did you make out of rubber last year through Lal?
+
+LILY.
+
+Rubber, rubber, rubber? Br-r-r-rh! I don't know. [_To ROPER._] How
+much?
+
+ROPER.
+
+Four-fifty.
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+There!
+
+LILY.
+
+I did my house up with it-- gave the job to young Charlie Ramsden
+who's gone in for decorating----
+
+ROPER.
+
+Yes, and blued the whole lot at one go!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Laughing._] Blued it completely. Ha, ha, ha! [_Singing._] "What does
+the blue sea Whisper to me-ee--!" [_FARNCOMBE appears at her side with
+the waiter carrying the ices._] Ices!
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Leaving GABRIELLE and, with his hands in his pockets, walking about
+exultingly._] Ices, sweets or chocolates, full piano-score! Hul-lo,
+here! Ha, ha, ha!
+
+  [_GLYNN and OLGA and DE CASTRO and EVANGELINE have entered at the
+  right-hand door at the back. OLGA and EVANGELINE seat themselves upon
+  the further settee in the centre and GLYNN and DE CASTRO summon a
+  waiter to attend upon them. SHIRLEY and FLO now enter at the door on
+  the left and go to the counter. At the same moment SMYTHE, COOLING,
+  and TAVISH enter at the right-hand door at the back, SMYTHE smoking a
+  huge cigar. They also stand at the counter and are served with drinks
+  by LUIGI. LILY and GABRIELLE having each taken an ice, the waiter with
+  the ices moves away and offers his ices to the other ladies. Another
+  waiter carries round a tray on which are a box of cigarettes and the
+  spirit-lamp, and the bearded waiter moves about with the dish of
+  sandwiches. Some of the ladies light cigarettes, a few of the men take
+  sandwiches._
+
+COOLING.
+
+[_As he enters with SMYTHE and TAVISH._] Haw, haw, haw! You're
+wonderful, Chief. [_To TAVISH._] The Chief's in great form, Willy.
+[_To STIDULPH._] Colonel, listen to the Chief.
+
+MRS. STIDULPH.
+
+[_To VON RETTENMAYER, confidentially._] Of course, this is strictly
+between ourselves-- though I almost hinted as much to Smythe-- but the
+fact is the Pandora isn't in the least what it _was_, Karl.
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+Noding is what it was, my dear Dolly, and nobody.
+
+MRS. STIDULPH.
+
+[_Fanning herself._] I suppose he can't find the artists; _that's_ it.
+If you don't have the artists--! [_Shutting up her fan._] You
+recollect my "Polly Taggart" in _The Merry Milliner_?
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Stifling a yawn._] Gharming; gharming.
+
+  [_FARNCOMBE is bending over LILY while she is eating her ice and they
+  are talking lightly but intently. GABRIELLE, finding that she is "out
+  of it," rises with a pout and, carrying her plate, joins the ladies
+  and men who are at the fireplace. BLAND enters with JIMMIE at the door
+  on the left._
+
+MRS. STIDULPH.
+
+[_To VON RETTENMAYER._] I hate blowing my own trumpet, but I was
+looking through my press-cuttings only yesterday. _I've_ never seen
+such notices as I had for "Polly Taggart."
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Closing his eyes._] Vavourable?
+
+MRS. STIDULPH.
+
+Favourable! They make me blush to read them. Stupid of me; but they
+make me blush, positively.
+
+  [_JIMMIE comes to LILY, BLAND following her. On her way she sees the
+  handkerchief and powder-puff lying upon the floor._
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+Why, _there_ it is! [_Picking up the handkerchief and puff, and
+rubbing the puff, which is an extremely ragged one, over her nose--
+singing sentimentally._] "There are no friends like the old friends,
+The constant, tried, and true;--" [_Sitting beside LILY._] Room for a
+little 'un?
+
+  [_LILY, without interrupting her talk with FARNCOMBE, lays her hand on
+  JIMMIE'S for a moment._
+
+BLAND.
+
+[_To JIMMIE._] Bring you anything?
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Wrapping the puff in the handkerchief tenderly and slipping it into
+her bosom._] A liqueur of petrol and a lucifer-match.
+
+BLAND.
+
+[_Leaving her._] Oh, go on!
+
+MRS. STIDULPH.
+
+[_To VON RETTENMAYER._] And then to give it all up, as I was idiot
+enough to do when I married, and for a life as dull as ditch-water! If
+ever a woman sacrificed herself in this world----!
+
+  [_FULKERSON and DAPHNE enter at the door on the left and hurry to the
+  counter._
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+[_Boisterously._] Time! Time! [_To those standing at the counter._]
+'Low me. 'Low me. [_To LUIGI._] Glass o' lemonade and a
+whiskey-and-soda. Quick with the whiskey-and-soda.
+
+MRS. STIDULPH.
+
+[_To VON RETTENMAYER._] But I don't intend to stick to _that_
+arrangement. If I can't get back into the theatres, there are the
+halls! I was telling the Colonel this morning----
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Appearing before MRS. STIDULPH, his programme in his hand._] Ours,
+Dolly.
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Rising with alacrity._] Aha! [_Bowing to MRS. STIDULPH._] I yield
+with relugtance.
+
+  [_ROPER sits beside MRS. STIDULPH and VON RETTENMAYER hastens to
+  ENID._
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_To MRS. STIDULPH._] Another waltz.
+
+DAPHNE.
+
+[_To HENEAGE, who is claiming her._] Wait till I've finished my drink,
+Stewie.
+
+BLAND.
+
+[_To NITA._] Nita.
+
+NITA.
+
+No; this is with Douglas.
+
+BLAND.
+
+Nothing o' the sort.
+
+NITA.
+
+[_Referring to her programme._] You're correct; my mistake.
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+[_Coming to GABRIELLE who is talking to SYBIL._] Gabth.
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+[_Dolefully._] Oh, you again!
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+[_Mortified._] Afraid tho.
+
+  [_The sound of distant music is again heard, and there is a great deal
+  of bustle as the men claim their partners. TAVISH goes to EVANGELINE,
+  GRIMWOOD to, FLO, PALK and GLYNN to OLGA and SYBIL, and gradually the
+  assemblage melts away._
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+[_Coming to JIMMIE, who is conning her programme, and standing before
+her-- reading from his programme._] "_Vawlse. Cry dee cure._"
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_With withering accuracy._] "_Valse. Cri de coeur._"
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+[_Wagging his head._] Very likely. Come along, Jimmie.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Rising and shaking herself out._] Jane to you, _if_ you please.
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+Tosh!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+I was christened Jane, _Herbert_.
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+Well, I wasn't at the christening, see.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+No; but if you are not more careful of those feet of yours while
+you're waltzing, you _will_ be at my funeral.
+
+  [_She takes his arm and they go out at the door on the left. SMYTHE,
+  STIDULPH, COOLING, and SHIRLEY follow, talking together. All the
+  couples have now disappeared except VON RETTENMAYER and ENID and
+  FARNCOMBE and LILY. VON RETTENMAYER and ENID are at the counter, where
+  LUIGI is giving VON RETTENMAYER a glass of champagne, and the waiters
+  are busying themselves in collecting the soiled glasses, plates, etc.,
+  which have been left upon the mantel-piece and chairs. The bearded
+  waiter comes to LILY and she hands him her plate._
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_To LILY._] Shall we go down?
+
+  [_She rises, leaving her bouquet upon the settee, and is about to put
+  her arm through FARNCOMBE'S when she checks herself and looks at her
+  programme._
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Frowning._] Tsss!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Eh?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_In a low voice._] One, two, three, four--! Why, this-- this is our
+fifth dance!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Softly._] Yes.
+
+LILY.
+
+Five out of eight!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Looking at his programme._] And 10, 12, and 14 are mine, too.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_With a movement of her shoulders, accepting his arm._] How unfair!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_As they go to the right-hand door at the back._] Unfair?
+
+LILY.
+
+To the others. I can't think what made me so thoughtless.
+
+  [_They disappear. Two of the waiters carry out the soiled glasses,
+  etc.; another follows with the ices, and the bearded waiter with the
+  strawberries-and-cream. After a while, LUIGI also withdraws._
+
+ENID.
+
+[_Leaving the counter with VON RETTENMAYER._] Well, what did you say
+to him?
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+I told him the biece wants lifding in the zecond aggd and that he
+ought to gif you anoder dance.
+
+ENID.
+
+[_On the right._] What did _he_ say?
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+He will think it over!
+
+ENID.
+
+[_Scornfully._] Ha! That's Smythe's invariable formula, cunning old
+fox!
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+But we are to dalk aboud it lader. I am waiding to ged him alone.
+
+ENID.
+
+Pff! _You_ won't get him alone, you stupid; _he'll_ take precious good
+care of that. [_Finding that LUIGI and the waiters have departed, and
+walking across to the left._] Ah, but it isn't dancing my mind's
+dwelling on just now, dear boy.
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Following her._] Nod?
+
+ENID.
+
+It's rest I'm yearning for-- my holiday!-- rest for my weary bones.
+[_Turning to him without a sign of disturbance._] Karl, I'm simply
+bursting with rage.
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+Rage?
+
+ENID.
+
+That wretched hotel at Ostend-- the Plage! They've the confounded
+impudence to ask me a hundred-and-twenty-five francs a day for two
+cubby-holes on the third floor, for my aunt and me.
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+Monsdrous. [_With a shrug._] But Ostend is-- Ostend.
+
+ENID.
+
+Thanks for the information. Is that all the sympathy you can offer?
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+Bardon. [_Humbly._] There may be gheaper hodels.
+
+ENID.
+
+Where the common people pay for their beds and meals with Cook's
+coupons! [_Sitting upon the arm of the further settee in the centre
+and swinging her feet._] Oh, it doesn't matter. I suppose it'll have
+to be Swanage, or some brisk resort of that description. [_Sighing._]
+So be it! [_Humming._] Tra, lal, lal, la----!
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Sitting on the nearer settee in the centre, close to her, with an
+anxious expression._] A hundred-and-twendy-five frangks a day?
+
+ENID.
+
+Including nothing-- absolutely nothing!
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Biting his nails._] Prezisely! There's the eading and dringking.
+
+ENID.
+
+One can't starve, that's certain.
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+Which would amound to----?
+
+ENID.
+
+[_Watching him out of the corner of her eye._] I believe aunt and I
+could manage to feed ourselves on forty francs a day-- or fifty-- at a
+pinch.
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_His face growing longer and longer._] A hundred-and-twendy-five--
+and fifdy----
+
+ENID.
+
+A hundred-and-seventy-five. [_Stroking his hair with a finger._] Call
+it two hundred.
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Leaning back appalled._] Fifdy-sigs bounds a weeg!
+
+ENID.
+
+Sixty, in round figures.
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+For a fordnight?
+
+ENID.
+
+Oh, no, dear; a fortnight's no use.
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+But one begomes sig of a blace afder a fordnight.
+
+ENID.
+
+If you only go for enjoyment; not if you go for rest-- rest.
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+Three weegs, then?
+
+ENID.
+
+A month. Smythe gives me the whole of August.
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Passing his hand across his forehead._] A month!
+
+ENID.
+
+[_Rising and carefully picking a piece of fluff from her skirt._]
+We're losing this dance. Shall we have a turn?
+
+  [_He gets to his feet with some difficulty and then faces her._
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Breathing heavily._] Enid----
+
+ENID.
+
+[_Guilelessly._] Yes?
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Putting his heels together and bowing to her._] If you would permid
+me to be your bangker during your sday at Ostend-- four weegs----
+
+ENID.
+
+Karl----
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+I should be mosd gradified.
+
+ENID.
+
+[_Going to him._] I couldn't. Such an obligation!
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Bowing again._] On my side.
+
+ENID.
+
+[_Giving him her hands._] Of course, I'd defray my travelling
+expenses, and tips and incidentals----
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Raising her hands to his lips._] Ah!----
+
+ENID.
+
+Not a penny of those should fall on you. [_Withdrawing her hands
+quickly and backing away from him._] H'sh!
+
+  [_STIDULPH enters at the door on the left and again wanders to the
+  counter._
+
+STIDULPH.
+
+[_Taking another cigarette._] You're missing a very pretty waltz, Miss
+Moncreiff.
+
+ENID.
+
+[_Going to the door on the left, VON RETTENMAYER following her._]
+I was just saying so to the Baron.
+
+  [_ENID and VON RETTENMAYER disappear. STIDULPH lights his cigarette
+  and is leaving the counter when GABRIELLE and DE CASTRO enter at the
+  right-hand door at the back, DE CASTRO looking exceedingly sulky._
+
+STIDULPH.
+
+[_To GABRIELLE and DE CASTRO._] Ah, Miss Kato; ah, Sam! A pleasant
+party, eh?
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+[_Shortly._] Yeth. [_STIDULPH goes out at the right-hand door at the
+back. DE CASTRO crosses to the left and then turns to GABRIELLE._] Dam
+pleathant party!
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+[_Dolefully._] Well, don't make a scene.
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+Thene! _I'm_ not makin' a thene. Walkin' away from me in the middle of
+a danthe and leavin' me thtandin' thtarin' after you like a detherted
+child! _You're_ makin' the thene!
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+I'm very sorry.
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+I'm jutht ath good a waltzther ath anyone here, and better than motht.
+[_Waving his arms._] If you're tired of me, announthe the fact
+quietly. Don't go and wipe your bootth on me in public, becauthe that
+hurtth my pride.
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+[_With a little twist of her body._] I can't do more than apologise.
+First time I've ever done _that_ to a man.
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+[_Coming to her, mollified._] I don't athk it, Gabth; I don't athk it.
+All I athk----
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+[_Sitting on the nearer settee in the centre._] If I'm rude, it's
+owing to my low spirits. I'm so shockingly low-spirited.
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+I know you are, and I make allowanthes for yer. I repeat, all I
+athk----
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+[_Gazing at vacancy._] Mine's a strange nature. _On_ the stage, I'm
+liveliness itself----!
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+A perfect little lump o' talent! I've been tellin' Carlton tho--
+perthuadin' him to introduthe an extra thong for you in Act Two.
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+[_Looking at DE CASTRO._] You have?
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+Yeth.
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+Did he promise to think it over?
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+Hith exthact wordth!
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+[_With a hollow laugh._] Ha, ha, ha! [_Resuming her former attitude._]
+As I was remarking, I'm a mass of inconsistency. _On_ the stage the
+embodiment of elfish fun----
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+That wath in the _Mail_.
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+[_Nodding._] In the _Mail_. _Off_ the stage, I'm a sufferer from
+what's called the artistic temperature-- no-- temperament----
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+[_Uncomfortably, patting her shoulder._] Po' little girl; po' little
+girl!
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+[_Her melancholy increasing._] Sometimes I've an idea that if I had a
+motor-car of my _own_ I should feel easier and happier.
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+[_With a change of tone._] What d'ye mean-- motor-car of yer own?
+Mine'th alwayth at your dithpothal, ithn't it?
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+[_Shaking her head._] That's not the same thing. Whenever I have yours
+out, I'm weighed down by a sense of borrowing.
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+Well, if I gave you a new car, you'd be weighed down by a thenthe of
+my havin' paid for it.
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+At first I should, but not for long. Seeing my family crest on the
+door-panels, instead of your monogram, 'ud help me to forget you'd had
+anything to do with it. [_Gloomily._] Of course, it 'ud only be an
+experiment. It might cheer me up, or it mightn't.
+
+  [_The music ceases. A waiter carrying a tray enters at the door on the
+  left, goes behind the counter, and mixes some drinks._
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+[_After a pause, loosening his collar-- in a low voice._] Here! We'd
+better dithcuth thith experiment. [_Glancing over his shoulder at the
+waiter._] Let'th come and thit in the pit.
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+[_Rising._] I can't argue; my head's too bad for that.
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+[_Leading her to the double-door._] I don't want to argue; I thimply
+want to arrive at an underthtandin'. Thuppothin' I buy you a car, am I
+to be made an arth of at the nexth danthe we happen to meet at-- yeth
+or no?----
+
+  [_They go out on to the landing and disappear as FULKERSON hurries in
+  at the right-hand door at the back. His eyes are rather glassy and his
+  utterance is a little thick._
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+[_To the waiter, joining him behind the counter._] Hi! Wake up, there!
+Gla'sodawa'erf'misspirch'nth'stage. [_Distinctly._] Misspirch-- on
+th'stage-- gla'-- sodawa'er. I'll have a whiskey. Wh'sthwhiskey?
+Which-- is-- the-- whiskey? Than'g. [_Pouring some whiskey into a
+tumbler._] You take sodaw'er t' Misspirch; I'll mix m'own whiskey.
+Loo' sharp, sodaw'er Misspirch. [_The waiter goes out with the drinks
+and FULKERSON, glass in hand, comes to the nearer side of the counter.
+He swallows his drink greedily, singing to himself between the
+gulps._] "Oh, the gals! Oh, the gals! I am awfully fond of the gals!
+[_Putting his empty glass upon the counter and making for the door on
+the left._] Be they ebon or blond, Of the gals I am fond; I am
+_dreadfully_ fond of the gals!"
+
+  [_He vanishes as FARNCOMBE and LILY enter at the right-hand door at
+  the back. There is an air of constraint and uneasiness about the girl.
+  She comes to the nearer settee in the centre and again picks up her
+  bouquet. FARNCOMBE follows her. They talk in subdued voices and with
+  frequent pauses._
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Another ice?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Rearranging a rose, almost inaudibly._] No, thanks.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_After a pause._] I-- I wish I had given you a bouquet instead of a
+big, ugly basket.
+
+LILY.
+
+Why?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+You-- you might have brought it to the theatre, as you have that one,
+and carried it about with you.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Coldly._] I didn't bring this to the theatre.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+No?
+
+LILY.
+
+I found it with a lot of other flowers at the stage-door. It's from
+the gallery boys-- [_looking at him for a moment steadily_]-- and I
+attach some value to it.
+
+  [_The bearded waiter enters at the right-hand door at the back, takes
+  a box of cigars from the counter, and goes out at the door on the
+  left. LILY walks away from FARNCOMBE and seats herself upon the
+  further settee in the centre._
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_After the waiter has withdrawn, producing his programme._] Number
+Nine. "_Two Step. Mind the Paint._" [_To LILY._] Of course, you-- you
+are engaged for this?
+
+LILY.
+
+And you, surely?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+No, I-- I kept it open, in case-- in case----
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Decidedly._] I dance it with Morrie.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Mr. Cooling?
+
+LILY.
+
+Morrie Cooling.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_After another pause, sitting, behind her, upon the nearer settee._]
+Miss Parradell.
+
+LILY.
+
+Well?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+I wonder whether Mr. Cooling would let you off.
+
+LILY.
+
+I shouldn't dream of asking him.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+No, but-- may _I_?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Haughtily._] I beg you'll do nothing of the sort.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Forgive me.
+
+  [_There is a further pause and then she turns to him._
+
+LILY.
+
+Why I spoke so-- so sharply to you-- was----
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+You didn't speak sharply to me.
+
+LILY.
+
+Was because I've been very nasty with Morrie-- wrote him a furious
+letter-- and I want to make it up to him.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Ah, yes.
+
+LILY.
+
+I called him a pig, and other things; I hate myself for it.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+A pig?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Smiling._] Still, that's no reason why I should be nasty with _you_.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Laughingly._] And call _me_ a pig.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Impulsively, kneeling upon the settee so that she may compare her
+programme with his._] Look here! Fifteen-- the last but one. Are you
+fixed up for Fifteen?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+No.
+
+LILY.
+
+No!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+I kept it open-- in case----
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Merrily._] Ha, ha--! [_Checking herself, severely._] I _might_ be
+able to give you Fifteen. [_FARNCOMBE scribbles on his programme
+eagerly._] Don't count on it, please; but it's booked to Mr.
+Fulkerson, and Bertie's not always to be depended upon at that hour.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Thank you-- thank you-- thank you. [_She resumes her seat and he jumps
+up and goes to her._] That reminds me. May I ask who is going to see
+you home, Miss Parradell?
+
+LILY.
+
+See me home?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+It would be an honour that I should-- appreciate-- more than I can--
+find words to express.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Rising, sternly._] I am very much obliged to you. [_Walking away
+from him again._] I dare say Mr. Roper will see me home-- and Mr. de
+Castro-- and Mr. Bland----
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Following her, unhappily._] I-- I hope-- I-- I hope I haven't
+offended you.
+
+LILY.
+
+Not in the least; [_in a frigid tone_] only I am in the habit of
+relying on old friends for those little services.
+
+  [_STIDULPH enters from the landing and again wanders to the counter
+  and to the cigarettes. The "Mind the Paint" air, to the time of a Two
+  Step, is played in the distance._
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Bowing to LILY slightly and drawing himself up._] Shall I-- take you
+to Mr. Cooling?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_With dignity, inclining her head._] Will you? [_She is putting her
+hand through his arm when the look upon his face softens her. She
+drops her voice to a whisper._] Have I hurt you?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Oh, I deserve the rebuke.
+
+LILY.
+
+No, you don't. [_Gently._] You may leave me at my door, with the
+others, if it will give you any satisfaction.
+
+  [_As they walk to the door on the left, they are met by COOLING._
+
+COOLING.
+
+[_To LILY, breathlessly._] Haw! Here you are!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Leaving FARNCOMBE, her manner altering completely._] Come on,
+Morrie! [_Her feet moving to the music._] Tra, lal, la! Tra, lal, la!
+[_Giving her bouquet to FARNCOMBE._] Hi-i-i-i-i! Bring my flowers!
+
+COOLING AND LILY.
+
+Tra, lal, la! Tra, lal, la----!
+
+  [_They run out, half dancing._
+
+STIDULPH.
+
+[_Calling to FARNCOMBE, who is following them._] Lord Farncombe!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Yes?
+
+STIDULPH.
+
+[_Going to him._] Will you spare me a moment?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_A little impatiently._] Er-- certainly.
+
+STIDULPH.
+
+[_Laying a shaky hand on FARNCOMBE'S arm and leading him away from the
+door._] Excuse me for what I'm going to say to you. I-- I know your
+father-- knew him very well years ago-- and your mother. [_With deep
+feeling._] My boy-- my dear boy----
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Surprised._] Colonel?
+
+STIDULPH.
+
+I-- I-- I'm sorry to find you in this set.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Stiffly._] What do you mean?
+
+STIDULPH.
+
+Don't be angry with me. I'm an old man-- and an old fool; but it's
+from the fools that the useful lessons are to be learned.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Withdrawing his arm from STIDULPH._] I really don't understand you.
+
+STIDULPH.
+
+Try to. Not now-- another time; when this music isn't exciting you,
+nor these pretty women. Think it out by yourself! You're at the
+beginning of your career, my boy. Remember me-- the old fool who's
+brought _his_ to a miserable end-- and that I cautioned you--
+cautioned you--!
+
+  [_LUIGI hurries in at the door on the left, followed by a waiter
+  carrying a tray, and by the waiter with the beard._
+
+LUIGI.
+
+[_Laughing._] He, he, he, he! [_Behind the counter, preparing
+drinks._] Look out, gentlemen; you are losing it all. They are having
+a romp-- a fine lark. [_FARNCOMBE goes out at the door on the left._]
+Make haste, Colonel; make haste! [_STIDULPH goes out, slowly, at the
+right-hand door at the back._] Whiskey-and-soda for Mr. Tavish;
+liqueur of brandy-- Mr. Grimwood. [_The waiter carrying the tray goes
+out with the drinks at the door on the left._] Ha, ha, ha! [_Singing
+to the music._] Tra, lal, la! Tra, lal, la----!
+
+  [_LUIGI is following the waiter who has carried out the tray when the
+  bearded waiter, coming to the nearer settee in the centre, calls to
+  him._
+
+THE BEARDED WAITER.
+
+[_Sitting upon the settee, gruffly._] Luigi.
+
+LUIGI.
+
+[_Halting._] Eh?
+
+THE BEARDED WAITER.
+
+[_Taking out a handful of money and selecting some gold from it._]
+Here! [_Putting the gold into LUIGI'S palm._] For your chaps.
+
+LUIGI.
+
+Oh, you are spoiling them.
+
+THE BEARDED WAITER.
+
+[_Giving some more gold pieces to LUIGI._] For you.
+
+LUIGI.
+
+[_Bowing low._] Thank you very much. [_With a polite grin, as he
+disposes of the coins in different pockets._] Hope you have enjoyed
+yourself, Captain.
+
+THE BEARDED WAITER.
+
+[_Speaking in the voice of JEYES._] Thoroughly. [_Quietly, between his
+teeth._] Warm work, though! [_Rising slowly, like a man with stiff
+joints._] I'll be off now, with your permission.
+
+LUIGI.
+
+See you at lunch, Captain?
+
+JEYES.
+
+Probably. [_Nodding._] Good-night. Good morning. [_He slouches away to
+the door on the left and there stops, listening. There is the sound of
+people approaching, singing uproariously and shouting and laughing._]
+Hullo!
+
+LUIGI.
+
+[_At his elbow._] Ho, ho, ho, ho!
+
+  [_LUIGI goes out into the corridor and JEYES retreats behind the
+  counter. The noise increases and presently FULKERSON rushes in,
+  flourishing his arms madly. He is followed by GLYNN and SHIRLEY who
+  are carrying LILY upon their interlocked hands, and by PALK who is
+  helping to support her. Then come HENEAGE and NITA, GRIMWOOD and
+  DAPHNE, TAVISH and FLO, VON RETTENMAYER and ENID, DE CASTRO and
+  GABRIELLE, ROPER and MRS. STIDULPH, FARNCOMBE and JIMMIE, BLAND and
+  EVANGELINE, COOLING and SYBIL, and SMYTHE and OLGA. Singing the chorus
+  of the "Mind the Paint" song, and dancing to it wildly, they circle
+  the saloon twice, go out at the right-hand door at the back, return at
+  the door on the left, and finally disappear through the double-door
+  and along the landing. The waiters, who have brought up the rear of
+  the procession, gather, with LUIGI, in the left-hand corner, clapping
+  their hands, and STIDULPH returns, entering at the right-hand door at
+  the back._
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Waving her bouquet and shrieking with laughter._] Ha, ha, ha, ha!
+Don't drop me! Don't drop me!
+
+HENEAGE AND GRIMWOOD.
+
+[_Yelling._] Whoop! Whoop!
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+[_Deliriously, endeavouring to stand upon his head._] Wh-o-o-op!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Breaking from the rank and jumping on to the further settee--
+singing._] "Mind the paint! Mind the paint! A girl is not a sinner
+just because she's not a saint!----"
+
+LILY.
+
+Ha, ha, ha! You'll drop me! Oh----!
+
+  [_As the procession passes out of sight, followed by LUIGI and the
+  waiters, JEYES departs at the door on the left and STIDULPH once more
+  goes to the counter and lights a cigarette._
+
+  END OF THE SECOND ACT.
+
+
+
+
+  THE THIRD ACT
+
+
+_The scene is LILY'S boudoir-- a room upon the second floor of her
+house, adjoining her bedroom. The decorations, though delicate, are
+gay, with a good deal of pink in them._
+
+_In the wall facing the spectator are two doors, one on the left, the
+other in the centre. The left-hand door opens into the room from the
+landing, where the staircase is shown; the centre door admits to the
+bedroom. In the right-hand wall there are two sash-windows giving a
+view of the tops of trees growing in a square; in the opposite wall,
+the grate hidden by a low, painted screen, is the fireplace._
+
+_A prettily designed "fitment" runs along the left-hand wall and the
+further wall, taking in the fireplace and doors as part of its scheme.
+On either side of the fireplace there is a cupboard with drawers
+beneath it; between the door on the left and the door in the centre is
+a similar cupboard; and on the right of the centre door, extending to
+the right-hand wall, there is a wardrobe with sliding doors. The
+cupboard doors are glazed and curtained in pink silk._
+
+_In the middle of the room, a little to the right, there is a large
+and comfortable settee, and on the left of the settee is a table
+littered with books, magazines, a scent-atomizer, a small
+silver-framed mirror, a case of manicure instruments, a box of
+cigarettes and a match-stand, and other odds and ends. Behind the
+table there is a fauteuil-stool, and on the right of the table a cosy
+arm-chair. A second arm-chair stands apart, between the table in the
+centre and the fireplace._
+
+_On the extreme left of the room, on the nearer side of the fireplace,
+there is a box-ottoman; on the other side of the room, by the nearer
+window, are a small writing-table and chair; standing across the
+right-hand corner, the key-board towards the further window, are a
+cottage-piano and a music-stool; and at the back of the piano there is
+another small chair, with some soiled gloves upon it._
+
+_A quantity of music is heaped untidily on the top of the piano; one
+of the wardrobe doors is open, revealing some dresses hanging within;
+and the edge of a lace petticoat, with its insertion of coloured
+ribbon, peeps out from under the carelessly-closed lid of the
+box-ottoman. Two milliner's hat-boxes are on the floor by the ottoman,
+and a pair of satin slippers are lying, one here, one there, under the
+centre table._
+
+_The window-blinds are down but the daylight is seen through them._
+
+
+  [_The door on the left opens and LILY, still carrying her bouquet,
+  enters and makes straight for the windows and draws up the blinds,
+  letting in the clear, morning light. She is followed by ENID,
+  GABRIELLE, DAPHNE, and JIMMIE and they by FARNCOMBE, VON RETTENMAYER,
+  DE CASTRO, ROPER, FULKERSON, and BLAND. They are all pale and haggard,
+  and slightly dishevelled, but everybody seems broad awake except
+  DAPHNE, who is borne down by sleepiness. Some of the men are smoking._
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Laying her bouquet upon the table in the centre as she crosses to
+the windows-- to the women._] Come in, dears; [_drawing up the blind
+of the nearer window_] come in, boys. Take off your things for a
+minute.
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+[_Whose inebriety has reached the argumentative stage._] Working
+classhes! Don' talk t' me 'bout th' working classhes!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+H'sh! Shut up, Bertie.
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+I'm s'h'ick o' th' ve'y mention o' th' name-- working classhes!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+Sit on his head, somebody. We shall wake Ma and the servants.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Taking off her wrap and hanging it up in the wardrobe._] Don't
+worry; you won't wake _my_ servants. And mother's bound to hear us;
+she sleeps so lightly when I'm out.
+
+DAPHNE.
+
+[_Gaping violently._] Oh-h-h-h!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Clapping her hand over DAPHNE'S mouth._] Manners!
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+[_Depositing his overcoat and hat upon the fauteuil-stool._] One 'ud
+'magine th' working-man'sh th' on'y pershon who ever does day'sh work!
+Ridiculush!
+
+VON RETTENMAYER AND BLAND.
+
+Ha, ha, ha, ha!
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+Thome truth in what Bertie'th thayin', though. For inthtanthe----
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+[_With great disgust._] Br'ish working-man!
+
+ROPER.
+
+By Jove, yes! When I think o' the work Mr. Lionel Hesketh Roper
+manages to dispose of in the course of a day----!
+
+  [_VON RETTENMAYER and DE CASTRO have placed their overcoats and hats
+  upon the chair at the back of the piano and FARNCOMBE, BLAND, and
+  ROPER have piled theirs on the arm-chair on the left. ENID and
+  GABRIELLE throw their wraps upon the settee, DAPHNE drops hers upon
+  the box-ottoman, and JIMMIE puts hers over the arm of the chair by the
+  centre table._
+
+LILY.
+
+[_To everybody._] I'll just run upstairs and tell mother that all's
+serene. [_She goes to the door on the left; FARNCOMBE, BLAND, and
+ROPER get in each other's way in their desire to open it for her._] If
+any of you want a drink, you must hunt for it yourselves in the
+dining-room. [_To ROPER._] You play host, Uncle Lal.
+
+  [_She disappears, turning to the left and ascending the stairs._
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Briskly._] Now, then, give your orders, gents! [_Coming forward._]
+Ladies, don't all speak at once.
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+[_Making for the door._] I'll have sma' whiskeyan' soda.
+
+  [_He goes along the landing and down the stairs._
+
+BLAND.
+
+[_Following him._] No, no! Bertie! Bertie----!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Seated in the arm-chair by the centre table-- to ROPER._] Stop it.
+We'll have trouble enough to get that boy home as it is.
+
+  [_ROPER hurries out after BLAND and FULKERSON. VON RETTENMAYER and DE
+  CASTRO also move to the door._
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_To ENID, who is sitting with GABRIELLE on the settee._] Enid----?
+
+ENID.
+
+A glass of soda-water.
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+Same for me, Von.
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_To JIMMIE._] Jimmie----?
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+No, thanks.
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Looking down upon DAPHNE, who has curled herself up on the
+box-ottoman and is already asleep-- sentimentally._] Baby-- baby----
+
+DAPHNE.
+
+[_Half sighing, half moaning._] Ah-h-h-h!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_To VON RETTENMAYER._] Don't disturb her. Let her have her snooze in
+peace.
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Still contemplating DAPHNE._] Shall I bring you your boddle, you
+preddy liddle baby?
+
+ENID.
+
+[_Annoyed._] Don't be an idiot, Karl. [_To DE CASTRO, who is talking
+to FARNCOMBE._] Sam, will _you_ fetch me some soda-water?
+
+VON RETTENMAYER. [_To ENID, bestirring himself._] I beg bardon.
+
+  [_He goes out, with DE CASTRO. ENID has taken the mirror from the
+  table and now looks at herself in it._
+
+ENID.
+
+What a sight! [_To GABRIELLE._] I wonder whether Lil would mind me
+going into her bedroom?
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+[_Taking the mirror from ENID._] Of course she wouldn't. [_Viewing
+herself with dismay._] Oh, I'm yellower than you!
+
+  [_She jumps up, throwing the mirror upon the settee, and goes to the
+  door in the centre. ENID follows her and the two girls open the door
+  narrowly and withdraw. JIMMIE rises and picks up the mirror._
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_With one knee upon the settee, surveying herself._] Ugh, you lovely
+creature! [_Glancing at FARNCOMBE as she readjusts a comb, and finding
+that he is gazing at her earnestly._] Turn your face to the wall,
+please; I'm about to use my puff.
+
+  [_Suddenly, with rapid movements, he shuts the door on the left, gives
+  a quick look at DAPHNE, assures himself that the centre door is
+  closed, and comes to JIMMIE. She stares at him in astonishment._
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Standing at the back of the settee-- in a low voice._] Miss Birch,
+you're Miss Parradell's friend-- her great friend. Will you be a
+friend of mine too, and do me a service?
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Startled._] It-- it all depends----
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Beg her to allow me to remain behind, with you, for a few minutes
+after the others have gone.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+Remain-- you and I?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+And then, if she will, will you wait in the next room while I speak to
+her? Miss Birch, I-- I must speak to her.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+W-w-wouldn't-- to-morrow----?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+It _is_ to-morrow _now_. It's day.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Dropping her eyes._] She's tired.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Five minutes-- no longer. [_Entreatingly._] Won't you try to arrange
+it for me?
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Pursing her lips._] H'm! _I'd_ stay; delighted. [_Demurely._] It
+doesn't matter how tired _I_ feel.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Contritely._] I'm a brute!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+But I really think the _arranging_ is your job, Lord Farncombe.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+I know I should make a bungle of it with all these people round me,
+and attract attention. _You're_ clever.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Raising her eyes to his, abruptly._] Look here! Do I guess
+correctly?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+What----?
+
+  [_She pulls him towards her and whispers into his ear. He nods. She
+  whispers again, breathlessly, and then releases him._
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+Eh? Eh?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Drawing back and facing her, firmly._] Yes.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Walking away, in a flutter._] Oh! Oh! Oh!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+You'll help me? [_She pauses, deliberating._] You'll help me?
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Returning to him, with an air of prudence._] I tell you what I
+_will_ do. [_Pointing to the writing-table._] Scribble her a note--
+a line-- and I'll give it to her. That won't attract attention. I've
+no objection to do _that_ for you. Hurry up! [_He sits at the
+writing-table and searches for writing materials._] In the drawer.
+[_He opens a drawer and takes out a sheet of note-paper. Standing at
+the other side of the table, she selects a pen and hands it to him._]
+A "J" suit you?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Taking the pen from her._] What shall I say?
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+Ho, ho! Well, I _never_! [_He writes._] Oh, but it isn't exactly a
+love-letter, is it? Simply say-- what was the expression you used just
+now?-- "will you allow me to remain behind for a few minutes with Miss
+Birch after the others have gone?"
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Writing._] Thank you.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_With a little wriggle._] Call me Jimmie if you like.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Thank you.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Knitting her brow thoughtfully._] I suppose you ought to give her an
+inkling, though-- the merest hint-- of the _reason_, oughtn't you?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Looking up._] Ought I?
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+Well, you don't want her to think it's only to chat about the
+weather----!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+For heaven's sake, don't chaff me! [_writing_] "--after the others
+have gone?" [_Biting his pen._] How would this do? "I know I am
+presuming a lot, but I-- I can't leave you-- I can't leave you till
+I-- till I have asked you-- till I have asked you the most important
+question a man can put to a woman."
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+Oh, but that's ideal! [_GABRIELLE reappears._] Dash these girls! [_To
+GABRIELLE, whose complexion is much improved._] Lord Farncombe is
+writing me out a remedy for freckles. Isn't it sweet of him?
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+[_Mournfully._] Freckles! If you want to see a martyr to freckles,
+knock at _my_ door.
+
+  [_ENID returns, with lips that are a little too red, as VON
+  RETTENMAYER and DE CASTRO re-enter at the door on the left. They leave
+  the door open. VON RETTENMAYER is carrying a syphon of soda-water and
+  DE CASTRO two tumblers. The men put the syphon and tumblers on the
+  centre table and VON RETTENMAYER fills the glasses and he and DE
+  CASTRO hand them to ENID and GABRIELLE._
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_To ENID and GABRIELLE._] I hobe we haf nod kepd you waiding.
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+Bertie'th been makin' himthelf a reg'lar nuithanthe downthairth.
+
+ENID.
+
+Poor Bertie! Pity he has this little failing.
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+[_With mild enthusiasm._] Yes, there's not a nicer boy in London than
+Bertie, bar that.
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+Flieth to hith head tho!
+
+  [_The four continue talking. JIMMIE has gone back to FARNCOMBE, who is
+  still writing, and is watching him impatiently._
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_To FARNCOMBE, under her breath._] Do be quick!
+
+  [_Hastily he blots his note and folds it. BLAND, FULKERSON, and ROPER
+  appear on the landing, issuing from the staircase, and there they are
+  joined by LILY, who comes down the stairs._
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+[_On the landing, to LILY, indignantly._] Lirry-- Misspa'dell----
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_To FARNCOMBE._] Here she is!
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_To FULKERSON._] Now, then; have it out with Lily!
+
+LILY.
+
+What's wrong?
+
+  [_FARNCOMBE rises and slips his note into JIMMIE'S hand._
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+[_To LILY._] Mosht unjusht'fiable treatmen' 'n th' part 'f these
+gen'lemen!
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Listening, with the others at the centre table, to what is going on
+upon the landing._] Ha, ha, ha, ha!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_To FARNCOMBE, over her shoulder._] Good luck!
+
+BLAND.
+
+[_To LILY._] The youth is irate with us for cutting off supplies.
+
+  [_LILY enters with FULKERSON; ROPER and BLAND following. BLAND strolls
+  over to the piano, laughing._
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+[_To LILY._] M' argumen' is this. When a gen'leman'sh invited b' th'
+lady 'f th' house t' partake 'f refreshmen'----
+
+LILY.
+
+[_To FULKERSON._] Be quiet, Bertie, or I'll box your ears. [_Joining
+the group at the centre table._] Ho, ho! I've had such a wigging for
+asking you up. Mother says we girls'll look as ugly as sin on the
+stage to-night.
+
+ENID.
+
+So we shall-- hags.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Sitting in the arm-chair by the centre table._] I feel as fresh as
+paint. [_To GABRIELLE._] Give me a sip.
+
+  [_DE CASTRO hands GABRIELLE'S glass to LILY._
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+[_Gazing at DAPHNE stupidly and singing to himself._] "Oh, the gals!
+Oh, the gals! I am awfully fond of the gals!----"
+
+VON RETTENMAYER, ROPER, DE CASTRO, ENID AND GABRIELLE.
+
+[_Chiming in with FULKERSON lightly._] "Be they ebon or blond, Of the
+gals I am fond;----"! Ha, ha, ha, ha!
+
+BLAND.
+
+H'sh, h'sh! Ma's quite right. [_Seating himself at the piano._] One
+more turn and then let's clear out.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Jumping up._] Hurrah! [_To ROPER, as BLAND runs his hands over the
+key-board._] Shut the door, Uncle Lal.
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+Aha! One more durn! [_To ENID._] Enid----!
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+[_Singing._] "I am dreadfully fond of the gals!"
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Closing the door._] Choose your partners, gents! [_Very softly BLAND
+plays the melody of a languorous song and instantly VON RETTENMAYER
+and ENID and DE CASTRO and GABRIELLE dance to it-- VON RETTENMAYER and
+ENID at the back, DE CASTRO and GABRIELLE near the piano._]
+Jimmie----!
+
+  [_JIMMIE passes LILY to go to ROPER. As she does so, she presses
+  FARNCOMBE'S note into LILY'S palm._
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_To LILY, in a whisper._] Rat-tat, says the postman! [_Catching hold
+of ROPER and swinging him round._] La, ra, ral, la----!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_To FARNCOMBE, who is standing by the writing-table._] Lord
+Farncombe----?
+
+  [_FARNCOMBE goes to her and they dance together._
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+[_To DAPHNE, tapping her on the shoulder._] Missdure, may I have th'
+grea' pleasure----? [_Shaking her._] Missdure-- Missdure----
+
+DAPHNE.
+
+[_Starting up._] Oh! [_Looking round wildly._] Oh----!
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+[_Dancing with her._] Pray 'xcuse th' absence 'f gloves.
+
+DAPHNE.
+
+[_Faintly._] Oh! Oh, I-- I thought I'd gone to bed!
+
+  [_With their hands on each other's shoulders, the couples, swaying
+  from side to side, half sing, half murmur, the refrain of the song._
+
+  If you would only, only love me;
+  If you would merely, merely say,
+  Wait but a little, little for me,
+  I will be yours, be yours some day!
+
+  [_The refrain is repeated, the dancers droning to it with a, buzzing
+  sound, and then BLAND returns to the melody._
+
+LILY.
+
+[_As she dances, recollecting the note she is holding and opening
+it._] What's this? [_Reading the note, her arm resting upon
+FARNCOMBE'S shoulder._] "Dear Miss Parradell.... [_glancing at the
+signature_] Farncombe"! [_To FARNCOMBE._] From you!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Yes.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Reading._] "Will you allow me to----?"
+
+  [_She reads to the end silently, and then she stops dancing and they
+  stand for a moment looking confusedly at each other. Then, with an
+  expressionless face, she slips the note into her dress and they dance
+  again, singing the refrain as before._
+
+BLAND.
+
+[_At the finish, shutting down the lid of the piano and rising._]
+Ladies and gentlemen, the festivities connected with Miss Parradell's
+birthday are over. [_Leaving the piano._] Our lives will now resume
+their normal, serious course.
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Regretfully._] Ah-h-h-h!
+
+  [_The ladies put on their wraps, the men their overcoats, and there is
+  a great deal of stir and chatter. DE CASTRO assists GABRIELLE; VON
+  RETTENMAYER, ENID; FULKERSON, DAPHNE; and FARNCOMBE, JIMMIE. LILY
+  joins in the talk and bustle with forced animation. JIMMIE and
+  FARNCOMBE glance at her, and then, inquiringly, at one another._
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Putting on his overcoat with BLAND'S help._] Well, nobody can say
+the affair hasn't been a brilliant success; that's one comfort.
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+Wouldn't be true if they did. [_To DE CASTRO, irritably._] You've got
+it inside-out.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_To ENID and GABRIELLE, kneeling upon the settee._] Ah, yes, haven't
+we had a splendid, splendid time!
+
+ENID.
+
+Splendid!
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+A gharming pardy!
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+Abtholutely A 1!
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Singing._] "Venus, seinen Nacken beut Dir Dein Sklave,
+dienstbereit!"
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Running to ROPER and seizing his hands._] A vote of thanks to Lal
+for his share in getting it up!
+
+BLAND.
+
+[_Slapping ROPER on the back._] Bravo, Lal!
+
+SOME OF THE OTHERS.
+
+Bravo, Lal!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Walking about._] And to Carlton! Bravo, Carlton!
+
+SOME OF THE OTHERS.
+
+Bravo, Carlton! Bravo, Smythe!
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+[_Putting on his overcoat._] Don't forget Morrie Coolin'!
+
+LILY.
+
+No, don't forget Morrie. Dear old Morrie!
+
+SOME OF THE OTHERS.
+
+Bravo, Morrie!
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+There hathn't been a hitch from thtart to finish, in fact.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_At the nearer side of the table again._] Not a hitch.
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+[_Remembering his grievance._] I beg yo' par'n-- no' a 'itch! [_In
+difficulties with his overcoat._] When a gen'leman'sh invited b' th'
+lady 'f th' house t' partake 'f some refreshmen'----
+
+SOME OF THE OTHERS.
+
+Ha, ha, ha, ha!
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+[_Coming to LILY and kissing her._] So long, dear.
+
+  [_ENID, DAPHNE, and JIMMIE also come to LILY, who embraces them
+  demonstratively, and the men follow._
+
+LILY.
+
+[_To the girls._] Ta-ta; ta-ta; ta-ta! I won't come down.
+
+ENID.
+
+No, no; we'll let ourselves out. [_Leaving LILY._] Till to-night!
+
+LILY.
+
+Till to-night! [_Shaking hands with the men._] Ta-ta; ta-ta; ta-ta!
+
+THE MEN.
+
+Ta-ta! Ta-ta! Ta-ta!
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Kissing her hand slyly._] Goddess!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_To BLAND, in a whisper._] Take care of Bertie. [_Everybody moves to
+the door, except LILY who remains standing in the middle of the room.
+Some are on the landing, some in the doorway, when she calls to ROPER
+and JIMMIE._] Uncle Lal! Jimmie! I want to speak to you two for a
+second. [_ROPER and JIMMIE detach themselves from the rest and
+return._] Oh-- and Lord Farncombe! [_FARNCOMBE also returns and LILY,
+passing him, goes on to the landing and mixes with the others._] Be
+off; Lord Farncombe and Lal will look after Jimmie. Vincent, _you_
+close the front-door. No noise! Au revoir, mes enfants! [_She watches
+them descend the stairs and, her manner softening, comes back into the
+room._] Lord Farncombe wants to have a quiet talk with me, Uncle Lal--
+about-- about something, and he's asked me to let him remain behind
+with Jimmie for a few minutes. [_To JIMMIE._] But there's no necessity
+for you to wait, dear.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+Don't consider me.
+
+LILY.
+
+But I do. Go upstairs and tell mother that Lord Farncombe's with me.
+Say I promise he shan't stay long. [_To ROPER._] You'll take Jimmie
+home, won't you, Lal?
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_His eyes bolting._] W-w-with pleasure.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_To JIMMIE._] I shall see you again later in the day, perhaps?
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+Rather! [_Throwing her arms round LILY'S neck and pressing her cheek
+to LILY'S._] Rather! [_To ROPER, significantly._] Sit in the hall till
+I'm ready.
+
+  [_She runs out on to the landing, pausing at the door to bestow a
+  parting nod and a smile upon FARNCOMBE, and ascends the stairs._
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_In a state of great excitement and exhilaration-- to LILY._] Yes,
+yes, I won't keep you and-- [_winking at her and jerking his head in
+FARNCOMBE'S direction_] from your _tête-à-tête_. [_Patting her face
+gleefully._] Ha, ha, ha, ha! [_Taking her hand, his own quivering._]
+Lil, Uncle Lal you call me, but I've always felt more like a parent
+towards you-- acted as such, hey?
+
+LILY.
+
+Y-y-yes, Lal.
+
+ROPER.
+
+And any happiness that befalls you-- any happiness that befalls you--
+[_choking_] I'll leave it there. God bless yer; God bless yer!
+[_bustling over to FARNCOMBE who, his hat in his hand, his overcoat on
+his arm, is standing near the piano_] and God bless _you_, my lad!
+[_incoherently_] I'm proud-- proud to have the honour-- and to have
+been the means of-- the means of-- [_wringing FARNCOMBE'S hand_] God
+bless you both! [_He goes to the door and there finds LILY._] I-- I--
+I-- I'll drop in by-and-by and-- and-- and inquire after you, my pet.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Faintly._] All right, Lal.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Patting her face again._] Ha, ha, ha, ha! [_With a hop._] Wurrr-roo!
+Stand away from the lift; no more passengers this journey!
+
+  [_He waves to FARNCOMBE gaily and departs, closing the door. There is
+  a short silence and then FARNCOMBE places his hat and overcoat upon
+  the chair by the piano and turns to LILY._
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_In a low voice._] It's awfully kind and gracious of you to have
+granted my request, and frightfully selfish of me to have made it.
+I deserve to be kicked.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Slowly advancing to the table in the centre-- avoiding his gaze._]
+Is-- is Jimmie aware of precisely what's in your note?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Y-y-yes. [_Drawing nearer to her._] I hope you won't be angry with me
+for confiding in her. You see, I-- I----
+
+LILY.
+
+[_At the further side of the table, fingering one of the objects upon
+it._] And _she'll_ confide in Uncle Lal. [_Shrugging her shoulders._]
+Oh, but dear old Lal appears to have summed up the situation pretty
+accurately as it is. [_With an artificial little laugh._] Ha, ha, ha!
+Well, I'm afraid they'll be horribly disappointed, poor wretches.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Blankly._] Disap-pointed?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Raising her eyes to his and shaking her head at him._] You-- you
+silly boy!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Coming to her quickly._] Ah, please-- please don't take that tone
+with me. I'm no boy. And I'm simply mad about you. If you don't marry
+me, I-- I-- I'm done for.
+
+LILY.
+
+H'sh! Nonsense; not you!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+It's true. Life'll be over for me from that moment, if you refuse to
+marry me.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Mockingly._] Over!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Oh, love is all on my side at present, naturally; but, as God hears
+me, it'll be no fault of mine if you don't grow to love me in time.
+
+LILY.
+
+Listen----!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+I'll worship you-- worship you. I _do_ worship you!
+
+LILY.
+
+H'sh! Lord Farncombe----
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+_Eddie!_ Won't you?
+
+LILY.
+
+Certainly not.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Do! Eddie! Eddie!
+
+LILY.
+
+Eddie, then----
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Ah----!
+
+LILY.
+
+Sit down a minute. [_She goes to the settee and sits there, somewhat
+ruffled, and he moves to the arm-chair by the centre table and also
+sits, his elbows on his knees, bending towards her. She pushes her
+hair back from her brow impatiently, as if vexed with herself._] Lord
+Farncombe-- Eddie-- for how long have you known me?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+What does it matter? I-- I admit----
+
+LILY.
+
+Reckoning our acquaintance from last week-- from the afternoon Bertie
+brought you here, when we scarcely spoke to one another-- you haven't
+known me for as many days as you can count on your fingers.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+I've watched you-- watched you in the theatre----
+
+LILY.
+
+On the stage! Ho, ho! Oh, you-- but I mustn't call you silly boy
+again, must I! And what do you know _of_ me, apart from the glimpse
+you've had of me off the stage, and my being a shining light at the
+Pandora? What do you know of my-- what's the word?-- origin-- where
+and what I've sprung from; how I was reared; how much education I've
+received; how much I've contrived to pick up of the way to behave in
+_per_lite society? You can judge from poor mother, if from nothing
+else, that I come from humble beginnings. Yes, but _how_ humble you
+couldn't _dream_, [_making a grimace_] not after a supper of raw
+carrots!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Do you think I _care_ how humble your beginnings were! What I do
+know-- what I _am_ sure about-- is that you're good-- and beautiful--
+and-- and-- and gifted-- and-- and-- [_leaning his head on his hands_]
+oh, I can't describe you; you're-- you're-- to me, you're _perfect_.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_After a pause, looking at him with blinking eyelids._] You-- you
+_dear_! [_He raises his head. She changes her tone instantly._]
+_Merci_; yes, perfect, _pour le moment_. Hear my French! [_Taking the
+box of cigarettes from the table._] Have a cigarette? Don't get up.
+[_She tosses him a cigarette and he catches it._] My name's printed on
+them-- "Lily." [_Lighting a cigarette._] Isn't it _chic_!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Producing his cigarette case and exchanging her cigarette for one of
+his own._] I'll never smoke _that_.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Pushing the match-stand towards him._] _Stoo_pid! Now, attend to me.
+What do you say to a tiny provision shop in Kennington, over the
+water?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Was that----?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Nodding._] H'm; that was my start in the world. Father kept a small
+shop in Kennington-- Gladwin Street, near the Oval. We sold groceries,
+and butter and eggs and cheese, and pickled-pork and paraffin. I was
+born there-- on the second floor; and in Gladwin Street I lived till I
+was fourteen. Then father smashed, through the Stores cutting into our
+little trade. Well, hardly smashed; that's too imposing. The business
+just faded, and one morning we didn't bother to take the shutters
+down. Then, after a while, father got a starvation berth-- eighteen
+shillings a week!-- at a wholesale bacon warehouse-- Price and
+Moseley's-- still over the water; and I earned an extra five at a
+place in the Westminster Bridge Road, for pasting the gilt edges on to
+passe-partouts from nine a.m. till six in the evening.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_His head bowed again._] Great heavens!
+
+LILY.
+
+Not a syllable against the passe-partouts! They were the making of me.
+It was the passe-partouts that brought me and Tedder together.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Who?
+
+LILY.
+
+Tedder. In the house where I worked, a man of the name of Tedder--
+Ambrose Tedder-- taught dancing-- stage dancing-- "Tedder's Academy of
+Saltatory Art"-- and every time I passed Tedder's door, and heard his
+violin or piano, and the sound of the pupils' feet, I--! [_Breaking
+off and throwing herself back._] Oh, lor', if once I----!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Go on; go on.
+
+LILY.
+
+Well, ultimately Tedder took me and trained me-- did it for nix-- for
+what he hoped to get out of me in the future. Ah, and he _hasn't_ lost
+over me-- poor old Ambrose! He collared a third of my salary for ever
+so long; and now that the old chap's rheumaticky and worn out, I-- oh,
+it's not worth mentioning. [_Jumping up and walking away._] My stars,
+he could teach, could Tedder! I began by going to him for the last
+twenty minutes of my dinner-hour. He wanted to stop _that_, because it
+was bad for me, he said, to practise on a full-- a full--! Ha, ha, ha!
+On a _full_--! [_Behind the table, resting her two hands upon it and
+shaking with laughter._] Ho, ho, ho! As if I ever had-- in those
+days----!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Writhing._] Ah, don't-- don't----!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Brushing the tears from her eyes._] I was a pupil of Tedder's for
+twelve months, and then he got me on at the Canterbury; and from the
+Canterbury I went to Gatti's, and from Gatti's to the Lane, for a few
+lines in the pantomime and an understudy-- my first appearance in the
+West End-- [_singing_] "Oh, the West End is the best end!"-- and from
+there I went to the old Strand, and there Morrie Cooling spotted me,
+and that led to me being engaged at the Pandora, where I ate my heart
+out, doing next to nothing, for two whole years. Then came the
+production of _The Duchess of Brixton_, and it was in _The Duchess_--
+thanks to Vincent Bland-- that I sang the "Mind the Paint" song. He
+believed in me, did Vincent; _he_ saw I was fit for something more
+than just prancing about, and airing my ankles, in a gay frock. By
+Jupiter, how he fought for me; _how_ he fought for me, up to the final
+rehearsal! And to this day, whenever I indulge in a prayer, you bet
+Vincent Bland has a paragraph all to himself in it! [_Checking herself
+and coming to FARNCOMBE._] Oh, but-- I needn't inflict quite so much
+of my biography on you, need I? [_He rises._] Sorry. I merely wanted
+to tell you enough to show you-- to show you----
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Close to her, gazing into her eyes._] To show me what a-- what a
+_marvel_ you are!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Pleased._] Ha, ha! Oh, I'm not chucking mud at myself really. Why
+should I! Many a woman 'ud feel as vain as a peacock in my shoes.
+Fancy! From the shop in Gladwin Street to-- [_with a gesture_] to
+_this_! And from Tedder's stuffy room in the Westminster Bridge Road
+to the stage of the Pandora, as principal girl!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Tenderly._] Wonderful!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Carried away by her narration and putting her hands upon his
+shoulders familiarly._] Yes, and all the schooling I've ever had,
+Eddie, was at a cheap, frowsy day-school in Kennington, with a tribe
+of other common, skinny-legged brats. Imagine it!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Taking her hands._] I can't imagine it; I defy anybody to.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Unthinkingly allowing him to retain her hands._] Everything I've
+learned since-- except my music, and that I owe to Tedder and
+Vincent-- everything I've learned since, I've learned by sheer
+cuteness, from novels, the papers, the theatres, and by keeping my
+ears open like a cunning little parrot. [_Softly._] Ha, ha! That's
+what I am-- a cunning little parrot!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Laughing with her._] Ha, ha!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Tossing her head._] Ho, I dare say, if I had the opportunity,
+I could imitate the fine _ly_dies _you_ mix with, so that in less than
+six months you'd hardly know the difference between them and me!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Holding her hands to his breast._] There is no difference already;
+there _is_ none.
+
+LILY.
+
+Isn't there! [_Almost nestling up to him._] Ah, you should see me in
+one of my vile tempers. [_Wistfully._] Then-- then you wouldn't--!
+[_Becoming conscious of her proximity to him, she backs away and
+stands rubbing the palms of her hands together in embarrassment._]
+Anyhow-- anyhow it isn't my intention to give you a chance of
+comparing us.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Under his breath._] Oh-- Miss Parradell----!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Collecting herself._] No, I-- I'm not going to let you make a fool
+of yourself over _me_, if I can help it.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Fool----!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Facing him and speaking quietly but firmly._] Recollect, however
+shrewd and apt I may be, and however straight I've managed to keep
+myself, still-- I'm only a Pandora girl, and should always be
+remembered as one by your chums and belongings. Only a Pandora girl.
+Nothing can alter that, dear boy; and you mustn't-- you mustn't
+handicap yourself by hanging _me_ round your neck.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Heavily._] I-- I shouldn't be the first of my sort to marry a
+"Pandora girl," not by half a dozen or more.
+
+LILY.
+
+No, but-- without wishing to flatter you-- I don't quite put you on a
+level with Robbie Kinterton, and Glenroy, and Georgie Fawcus, and--
+that crew. [_Cheerfully._] And so I mean to take care of you-- to take
+care of you for your own sake and for your mammy's and daddy's. [_She
+turns from him and fetches his hat and coat and gives them to him. He
+receives them from her with a dazed look._] Time's up. [_After a
+silence during which neither stirs._] Never mind. You'll survive it.
+[_Another pause._] Come along.
+
+  [_She passes him, to go to the door on the left. As she does so he
+  flings his hat and coat on to the settee, and clasps her in his arms._
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Lily-- Lily----!
+
+LILY.
+
+Ah, that's not fair!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Don't-- don't send me away like this!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Her hand against his breast._] It isn't fair of you!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Say you'll take time to consider.
+
+LILY.
+
+I hate you for it!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Ask Roper's advice-- your mother's----!
+
+LILY.
+
+I've trusted you!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Ask Miss Birch----!
+
+LILY.
+
+Eddie! Lord Farncombe----! [_He releases her and they confront one
+another, she panting, he hanging his head guiltily._] W-w-well, I--
+I _have_ been mistaken in you.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_In despair._] I-- I---- [_Turning from her and hitting his temples
+with his fists._] Forgive me. Forgive me.
+
+LILY.
+
+Ha! I-- I thought you were such a quiet, bashful fellow.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Forgive me. Forgive me.
+
+  [_She wavers and then slowly approaches him._
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Gently._] Don't-- don't fret about it. _I_ forgive you. [_Touching
+his arm with her finger-tips._] I'm to blame. [_Drawing a deep
+breath._] All those dances----!
+
+  [_He seizes her hand and kisses it passionately._
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+I may see you again? I may see you again? Lily-- Lily--! Lily----!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_In a whisper, averting her head._] N-no-- we'd better not----
+[_There is a low but distinct knocking at the door on the left. She
+withdraws her hand and they look at each other, he inquiringly, she
+with a calm face. The knocking is repeated._] Mother. [_She goes to
+the door and speaks with her mouth close to it._] That you, mother?
+[_She listens for a reply and again the knocking is heard._] Who is
+it? [_She opens the door. JEYES is outside._] Nicko! [_JEYES comes
+into the room. He has rid himself of his wig and beard and is wearing
+an overcoat buttoned up to his chin and a cap drawn down to his brows.
+His face is white and his jaws are set determinedly._] How-- how have
+you got in? [_He produces a bunch of keys and grimly displays a
+latch-key._] Oh-- oh----! [_Pulling off his cap, JEYES advances to the
+table in the centre, glaring at FARNCOMBE. LILY closes the door
+sharply and also advances, speaking volubly to FARNCOMBE as she comes
+forward._] Captain Jeyes is in the habit of bringing me home from the
+theatre after my work; and a long while ago I gave him a latch-key to
+carry on his key-ring, so that he could let me into my house whenever
+I'd forgotten my own key. He hasn't the slightest right to use it at
+any other time; nobody knows that better than he does. It's a
+confounded liberty! [_To JEYES, hotly._] What are you doing here at
+all at this hour of the morning?
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_After an expressive glance at FARNCOMBE._] An odd question, in the
+circumstances.
+
+LILY.
+
+Answer me!
+
+JEYES.
+
+Keeping an eye on _you_.
+
+LILY.
+
+Spying on me!
+
+JEYES.
+
+On you-- [_jerking his head towards FARNCOMBE_] and----
+
+LILY.
+
+How dare you!
+
+JEYES.
+
+I've been at it all night.
+
+LILY.
+
+All night!
+
+JEYES.
+
+Yes; I was in the theatre while you were supping and dancing.
+
+LILY.
+
+_You_ were!
+
+JEYES.
+
+I _meant_ to be there. You did your best to stop it----
+
+LILY.
+
+That's a lie!
+
+JEYES.
+
+So that you could enjoy yourself thoroughly-- [_glancing at FARNCOMBE
+again_] with----
+
+LILY.
+
+A lie!
+
+JEYES.
+
+I didn't leave till past three. You and-- [_with another motion of the
+head towards FARNCOMBE_] had just had your fifth dance together, and
+they were hauling you round the building.
+
+LILY.
+
+Where _were_ you? Who----?
+
+JEYES.
+
+Excuse me; that's my business. Then I went back to Jermyn Street, and
+it suddenly struck me I'd like to see how your escort was composed.
+
+LILY.
+
+You've been watching outside?
+
+JEYES.
+
+Since a quarter-to-four-- under the portico at the corner.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Contemptuously._] _You_----!
+
+JEYES.
+
+Yes, but, by God, I wasn't quite prepared for _this_!
+
+LILY.
+
+This!
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Cramming his cap into his overcoat-pocket and coming to FARNCOMBE._]
+What the hell's your game? You've got some accommodating friends, both
+of you, in that blackguard Roper and that slut Jimmie Birch!
+
+LILY.
+
+Oh--! [_Approaching JEYES with clenched fists._] Ah, you cur----!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Holding up his hand to her appealingly._] Miss Parradell----!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_To JEYES._] You cur! Mother's been told that Lord Farncombe's with
+me. I sent Jimmie up to tell her.
+
+JEYES.
+
+Where _is_ your mother?
+
+LILY.
+
+In bed, of course.
+
+JEYES.
+
+Snoring! Ha, ha, ha! Faugh, there's an ugly name, my girl, for such
+mothers as yours!
+
+LILY.
+
+Ah--! [_Raising her fist._] Ah-h-h-h----!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Miss Parradell----!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Restraining herself with difficulty and pacing the room._] Oh, the
+cur! The cur! The cur!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_To JEYES, looking at him steadily._] Captain Jeyes----
+
+LILY.
+
+The low cur!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Captain Jeyes, do you happen to know where I lodge?
+
+JEYES.
+
+No; I don't know where your sty is.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+St. James's Place-- forty-seven. I shall be in at twelve o'clock.
+[_Picking up his hat and overcoat._] From the tone this gentleman
+adopts, Miss Parradell, I assume that he considers himself entitled to
+concern himself in your affairs. [_Moving over to the left where LILY
+joins him._] Perhaps it will make it easier for you if I----
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Clutching his arm._] Ah, I'm so indignant, Eddie! I-- I-- I----!
+
+JEYES.
+
+Eddie! _Eddie!_
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Turning upon JEYES in a fury._] Yes, you cad-- Eddie, _Eddie_,
+EDDIE! You cad! You sneak! You idler! You waster! I've stood it long
+enough. This is the last straw! I've done with you! I'm sick to death
+of you! How I've tolerated you all these years is a mystery to me!
+After this, get out of my sight and never show yourself to me again!
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Grasping her wrist, fiercely._] Lily----!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Wrenching herself free._] _What!_ [_Losing control over herself
+utterly._] You'll spy on me, will you, you shabby loafer! You'll peep
+at me while I'm eating my supper, and count the dances I choose to
+give that boy over there, will you! And then you'll break into my
+house, and insult my friends behind their backs, and insinuate foul
+things against my poor old mother-- you damned coward!-- and against
+me, [_pointing to FARNCOMBE_] and _him_! Why, you're not fit to black
+his boots, and you never were-- never-- you-- you-- you scum! Here!
+[_Taking FARNCOMBE'S note from her bosom and thrusting it at JEYES._]
+Read that! [_Sitting in the arm-chair by the centre table._] Read it!
+Read it! Read it! [_JEYES reads to himself._] Out loud!
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Mumbling._] "Dear Miss Parradell. Will you allow me----?"
+
+LILY.
+
+Louder!
+
+JEYES.
+
+"Will you allow me to remain behind for a few minutes with Miss Jimmie
+after the others have gone? I know I am presuming a lot, but I cannot
+leave you till I have asked you the most important question a man can
+put to a woman. Farncombe."
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Breathless._] Written here-- on my note-paper-- while I was out of
+the room! It came on me like a thunder-clap! Ah! Ah! Ah! [_JEYES sits
+upon the settee, staring at the carpet._] And Morrie Cooling and Lal
+will tell you that I hadn't a notion that Lord Farncombe was to be at
+the supper last night, or any of the boys; not a notion.
+I blackguarded 'em both for deceiving me, and causing me to deceive
+_you_. [_Taking the scent-atomizer from the table and spraying her
+face with it._] Now! What have you to say now! Ah! Ah! Ah!
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Huskily._] Why-- why the devil did you let Jimmie go? Why did you
+let her go? It was knowing that you and Farncombe were alone that--
+that made me----
+
+LILY.
+
+Oh, if I'd suspected that a private detective was hovering around, I'd
+have kept the whole lot of my friends! As it was, Jimmie was looking
+dead, and--! [_in disdain._] Pah!
+
+  [_There is a pause and then JEYES sits upright and draws his hand
+  wearily across his eyes._
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_To LILY._] Well, I-- I beg your pardon. [_LILY continues to spray
+herself energetically._] I'm not so completely _scum_ as not to see
+that I ought to beg your pardon. [_Humbly._] I beg your pardon.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Softening by degrees._] You-- you drive me mad sometimes--
+positively frantic!
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Partly to himself._] Mad! [_To FARNCOMBE._] And you, Farncombe--
+I hope you'll accept my apologies. I offer them unreservedly.
+
+  [_FARNCOMBE bows, somewhat stiffly._
+
+LILY.
+
+[_To JEYES, protruding her lower lip._] I-- I didn't mean half I said,
+Nicko; I didn't mean half of it. [_Eyeing FARNCOMBE askance as she
+replaces the atomizer._] And I-- I'm ashamed of myself for losing my
+self-control as I did. [_There is another pause and then JEYES gets to
+his feet and silently returns the note to LILY. She looks up at him
+piteously and puts the note back into her bosom. Then he takes out his
+key-ring, removes the latch key from it, and throws the key on to the
+table. Having done this, he drags his cap from his pocket and makes
+for the door on the left. As he passes LILY, she rises and gently
+plucks at his sleeve._] Nicko-- Nicko----
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_In a thick voice._] Eh?
+
+LILY.
+
+Won't you-- won't you give Lord Farncombe-- some explanation----?
+
+JEYES.
+
+Explanation----?
+
+LILY.
+
+Of the sort of terms we've been on, you and I, He-- he must be--
+rather puzzled-- [_turning away to the table._] Oh, it's due to you as
+well as to me!
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Dully._] Just as you please. [_With a hard laugh._] Ho, ho! Yes,
+perhaps it _is_ due to me that he should learn a little more about me
+than he's been able to gather from personal observation-- and from
+your eloquent but summary description. [_Under his breath, screwing up
+his cap._] Idler-- waster-- loafer----!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Penitently._] Nicko!
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_To FARNCOMBE, quietly._] Oh, it's a true bill, Farncombe. And yet,
+a very few years back-- _she_ won't dispute it-- I was one of the
+smartest chaps going, good at my job, with prospects as rosy as any
+man's in my regiment. There wasn't a cloud the size of your hand,
+apparently, in my particular bit of sky at the time I speak of; not a
+speck! Then I met this young lady, and-- [_pointing to the
+box-ottoman_] well, since we're in for it----!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Oh, Captain Jeyes----
+
+JEYES.
+
+No, no; she wishes you to understand the exact nature of the
+friendship between her and me. I'm obeying instructions. [_FARNCOMBE
+sits on the ottoman, nursing his hat and overcoat. Then JEYES sits in
+the arm-chair by the centre table, first turning the chair so that it
+faces FARNCOMBE._] Farncombe, I was under thirty, and still a
+subaltern, when I made Miss Parradell's acquaintance. Like most of my
+pals, I was spending my nights, whenever I could get away from
+Aldershot, in the stalls at the Pandora-- much the same as _you've_
+been doing recently, and as a certain class of young man'll go on
+doing as long as the Pandora, and similar shops, continue to flourish.
+Ha! How honoured we felt, we men, in those days, at knowing some of
+the Pandora girls, and having the privilege of supping 'em and
+standing 'em dinner on Sunday evenings! If they'd been royal
+princesses we couldn't have been more elated. [_With a gesture._]
+Don't jump at conclusions. It generally ended there, or with our
+running into debt at a jeweller's. _We_ were young, _they_ were
+beautiful-- or we thought 'em so; but the majority of us weren't
+vicious, any more than the majority of the girls were-- though many of
+'em were mighty calculating. It would have been better for us men if
+all the girls _had_ been wicked; the glamour, the infatuation, the
+folly, would have been sooner over, and one of us at least would have
+had a different tale to tell.
+
+  [_JEYES pauses, gazing at the floor, FARNCOMBE moves impatiently on
+  the ottoman and LILY seats herself upon the settee._
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Plaintively._] Nicko-- Nicko-- I merely wanted you to----
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Rousing himself and speaking to LILY over his shoulder._] Who was it
+introduced us?
+
+LILY.
+
+Miss Du Cane-- Aggie Du Cane.
+
+JEYES.
+
+Agnes Du Cane. _She's_ gone under. [_To LILY._] Outside Buckley's
+oyster-bar, wasn't it?
+
+LILY.
+
+Not outside; in the parlour.
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_To FARNCOMBE._] Lily had only lately come to the Pandora--
+a pale-faced slip of a thing. [_To LILY._] Eighteen, weren't you?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Nodding._] Eighteen.
+
+JEYES.
+
+I confess I wasn't overwhelmingly attracted by her at first; she was
+so unlike the rest. [_Laughing bitterly._] Ha, ha, ha!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Weakly._] Ha, ha, ha! Wasn't I dowdy!
+
+JEYES.
+
+But she was humble, and naïve, and confiding; and my vanity was
+tickled by her delight at the little treats I gave her, and by her
+gratitude for a tuppeny-ha'penny present or two. Nobody, I believe,
+with any pretensions to being a gentleman, had paid her much attention
+before I arrived on the scene.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_In a murmur._] No; nobody.
+
+JEYES.
+
+I didn't find out that I was in love with her-- you guess it's a love
+story, don't you?----
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Delicately._] My dear Captain Jeyes----
+
+JEYES.
+
+I didn't find out that I was neck and heels in love with her until
+nearly a year afterwards, when my regiment went to the Curragh. _That_
+did it-- separation! What I suffered in that hole, thinking of her,
+starving for her! In less than three months I was in London again, on
+leave, and in my old stall at the Pandora. But even then, Farncombe, I
+hadn't your pluck.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Pluck?
+
+JEYES.
+
+The pluck to snap my fingers at the world and propose marriage to a
+Pandora girl. Besides, my mother was alive then, and-- [_abruptly,
+with a wild look_] would you like to know what _she_ used to call
+these Pandora women, Farncombe? [_Bending forward, his hands tightly
+clenched._] She used to call them _a menace to society_. With their
+beauty, and their flagrant opportunities for displaying it, they are a
+living curse, she used to say-- a source of constant dread to mothers
+whose hope it is to see their sons safely mated to modest, maidenly
+girls of the typical English pattern. She told us once-- my brothers
+and me-- frightened as to where _we_ were drifting, that she was one
+of many mothers who prayed on their knees daily that their boys might
+be spared from being drawn into the net woven by their own weaknesses
+and passions-- drawn into it by these-- these----! [_He breaks off,
+stares about him for a moment, and then rises._] Oh, but I oughtn't to
+have repeated this to _you_. Pardon. [_Walking away unsteadily._] Ho,
+damned bad taste! [_Behind the table, supporting himself by leaning
+upon it._] Where was I? Back from the Curragh! [_Confused._] Yes--
+yes-- and so things went on for a couple o' years-- I trailing after
+Lily closer than ever-- and at last-- at last I _did_ ask her to be my
+wife.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Who has been listening to JEYES with parted lips and wide-open
+eyes-- appealingly._] Don't! Don't, Nicko; don't!
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Oblivious of her interruption._] But I'd left it too late. The
+novelty of me had worn off; she'd scores of friends by that time;
+she'd made her big hit, and followed it with another, and was the talk
+o' the town. And she'd money; she wasn't dependent on _me_ any longer
+for her gloves and her trips and outings!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Her head drooping._] Oh! Oh! [_Wringing her hands._] Oh, that's
+_beastly_ of you; _beastly_!
+
+JEYES.
+
+She was kind to me too, in a way-- kind and cruel. She didn't want to
+marry me; she didn't want to marry anybody; she was in love with
+herself, and her success, and what it was bringing her. But she
+wouldn't give me the kick. No, she wouldn't do that; I _had_ been
+something to her. And there's where the kindness came in-- and the
+merciless cruelty. [_Sitting upon the fauteuil-stool rigidly._] God,
+if only she'd broken with me then, firmly and finally-- if only she'd
+broken with me then-- she-- she might have saved me!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Struggling with her tears._] Oh, Nicko, Nicko!
+
+JEYES.
+
+Twelve months ago she did throw me a bone. The regiment was under
+orders for India, and of course I sent in my papers; and out of pity,
+I suppose-- and because I was always pestering her-- she promised to
+become engaged to me if I'd get other work to do. Work! I wonder
+whether really she was grinning to herself when she made the
+stipulation!
+
+LILY.
+
+Oh-- oh----!
+
+JEYES.
+
+Work! All the spunk, all the energy, had been sapped out of me long
+before, and even her promise couldn't revive it. My search for a berth
+wasn't much more than a sham. At the back of my head I knew very well
+what I'd come to. The only work _I_ was capable of was dancing
+attendance on _her_, and filling in what remained of the day and night
+at a rotten restaurant, a Bohemian club, and the bar of the theatre.
+And that's _been_ my sole employment for the past year-- nothing but
+that. Pretty, for a man who started life as swimmingly as I did! [_His
+voice dying away._] Pretty-- pretty-- pretty-- pretty----!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_After a profound stillness._] I-- I don't think you've ever-- put
+the case to me-- quite so plainly as this, Nicko.
+
+JEYES.
+
+I-- I don't think I've ever put it quite so plainly-- to myself.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Her lip trembling._] You-- you won't believe me----
+
+JEYES.
+
+What?
+
+LILY.
+
+I-- I've never fully realised it till now-- the harm I've done you.
+I declare to God I've never realised it till now. [_Faintly._]
+Nicko----!
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_After a further pause._] Ah, well--! [_With a deep sigh._] Ah, well!
+[_To FARNCOMBE, resignedly._] Farncombe, I-- I'm afraid I'm a shocking
+brute. I-- I got carried away. Forget-- forget the things I've said of
+this girl. Forget 'em, will yer? [_Starting to his feet._] And look
+here! A man who isn't a sportsman deserves to be shot. You've won her;
+I've lost her. Congratulate yer, old chap; congratulate yer! [_Pulling
+on his cap._] Take care of her, that's all; m-m-mind you take care of
+her!
+
+  [_He turns towards the door and she jumps up and runs to him and
+  seizes his arm. FARNCOMBE also rises._
+
+LILY.
+
+No, no, Nicko! Nicko--! [_Giving FARNCOMBE a half frightened, half
+imploring look._] Nicko, I can't undo the mischief I've done; I can't
+do that. But I can try to make it up to you-- some of it-- and I will,
+if you'll let me. [_Putting her arms round his shoulders._] Nicko----!
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Roughly._] Make it-- up to me?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Her face close to his._] You know what I mean! As soon as possible--
+next month, if you like-- next week-- quietly--! [_He grips her arms
+and stares at her blankly._] Ha, ha! Yes, you've been in too great a
+hurry to settle matters, _you_ have. Lord Farncombe and I-- we--
+_we're_ not going to be married. I've refused him. [_Wildly._] I--
+I've ruined _you_, Nicko; but I-- I've told him-- I'm not going to
+draw _him_ into my net! [_Clinging to JEYES and burying her face in
+the breast of his coat, crying._] Oh! Oh! Oh! I'm not going to draw
+_him_ into my net!
+
+  [_Again there is a pause and then JEYES turns to FARNCOMBE, dazed._
+
+JEYES.
+
+Farncombe----?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Inclining his head._] Yes-- yes----
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_With feeling._] My dear fellow, I-- I----!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Raising her head and speaking through her tears-- to JEYES._] Nicko,
+I-- I want to have one more word with Lord Farncombe-- just one more
+word. [_He nods understandingly and goes to the door on the left. She
+follows him._] Only a minute; [_he opens the door_] and then you must
+walk away together, you and he, and part good friends. [_He goes out
+on to the landing and she closes the door and stands with her back to
+it, drying her eyes with her handkerchief. FARNCOMBE, still carrying
+his hat and overcoat, has crossed to the settee, a forlorn figure._]
+W-w-well, you-- you _have_ had a lucky escape, haven't you?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Heavily._] Escape?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Leaving the door and advancing._] You-- you've heard what a
+cold-blooded, selfish wretch I am-- how I've treated Nicko!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Waving the idea away._] Oh----!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Coming to him._] And you've seen what I'm like when I'm in a rage;
+you've seen what the genuine Lily Margaret Upjohn is, without her
+disguise. [_Looking up into his face pathetically._] Yes, that was
+_me_, Eddie, under the crust. Common as dirt, dear; common as dirt!
+[_Holding the lapels of his coat._] Oh! Oh, you'll always remember me,
+with my eyes starting out of my head, spitting at Nicko! You'll always
+picture that horrible sight when you think of me.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+You-- you were provoked; I-- I admired you for it.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Tenderly._] Ah, you dear boy! [_In an altered tone._] Eddie----
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Yes?
+
+LILY.
+
+Had you-- a little hope-- that, after all, I might turn your offer
+over in my mind and-- and eventually----?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Yes-- yes.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_With a catch in her breath._] Ah----! [_In a whisper._] I-- I'll
+tell you something.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+What?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_In his ear._] I _might_ have, if-- if you'd persisted.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Groaning._] Oh-h-h-h!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Retreating a step or two._] Thank God Nicko came along! Thank God
+Nicko came along! _What_ was it his mother called us girls? A menace
+to society; creatures to be dreaded, and prayed against! You see I was
+right in wishing to protect you for your mammy's sake as well as your
+own. But, oh-- thank God Nicko came along! [_He sits suddenly upon the
+settee and covers his face with his hands. She returns to him
+quickly._] Ah, don't do that; don't do that! [_Touching his hands._]
+Eddie! Eddie! I'm not worth it. Eddie! [_With an effort, he lifts his
+head._] Listen. _This_ is what I want to say to you. Don't come near
+me any more; you mustn't. And don't come to the theatre again either.
+If I thought you were sitting in front, I-- I'm sure I couldn't----!
+[_Entreatingly._] Swear-- swear you'll keep away from me, and from the
+theatre! [_He nods._] And you'll never go to any supper or dinner or
+dance where you're likely to meet the other girls, will you? Eddie!
+[_He shakes his head._] Swear! [_He rises and, as he does so, she
+grips the lapels of his coat again, her eyes blazing fiercely._] Oh!
+Oh! If one of the other girls ever got hold of you, I-- I-- [_hissing
+into his face_] I'd kill her! [_She leaves him and goes to the door on
+the left and opens it._] Nicko! [_JEYES enters the room._] March, both
+of you! [_Exhausted._] I-- I'm pretty well baked. [_FARNCOMBE joins
+LILY and JEYES at the door and she stands between the two men looking
+from one to the other and taking a hand of each._] Ha, ha, ha! I've
+made the _pair_ of you precious miserable, if you only knew it. [_To
+JEYES._] The difference is that _he'll_ soon forget me, and _you_,
+with _me_ for a wife, are doomed for life. [_Putting her hands upon
+JEYES' shoulders._] Nicko----! [_She kisses him lightly and, having
+done so, asks him a question with her eyes. JEYES turns aside and she
+faces FARNCOMBE and offers him her lips. They kiss._] Good-bye.
+[_After a moment's pause, to both of them._] Away with you! [_The two
+men go out and she follows them to the top of the stairs and watches
+them descend. Then she slowly comes back into the room and stands
+listening at the door. There is a distant sound._] Ah! [_Partly
+closing the door, she wanders about the room aimlessly for a while.
+Then, impulsively, she runs to the further window, lifts the sash, and
+looks below._] Ah!... Ah!... [_Drawing back._] Ah-h-h-h----!
+
+  [_She shuts the window and comes to the settee and, sitting there,
+  takes off her shoes. Then she goes down upon the floor inelegantly,
+  hunts for her slippers, and puts them on. As she rises, the door on
+  the left is pushed open and MRS. UPJOHN peeps in cautiously._
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_In a dressing-gown and with her hair, now very scanty, tightly
+screwed up._] Lil----?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Stiffening herself and speaking in a cold, level voice._] Oh, I was
+just coming up to you, mother, to get you to undo me.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Bustling to LILY._] I didn't mean to, but I fell off. [_Unhooking
+LILY'S dress._] It _was_ the front-door I 'eard a minute ago, then? It
+gave me sech a start. [_In difficulties with the hooks._] Turn more to
+the light, dearie. These dressmakers do it a' purpose, I b'lieve. The
+'ooks on that noo gown o' mine are a perfect myst'ry. Wot's _this_?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Twisting her body._] Oh, don't fiddle so, mother!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+You _did_ let 'im stay a time, Lil. 'Eaps to talk over, eh?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Stonily._] Heaps. [_Trying to assist MRS. UPJOHN._] Oh----!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Well, dear; well, well! Tell me wot's took place. Don't keep me in
+suspense.
+
+LILY.
+
+I shan't tell you anything, mother, till I've had a sleep. I must go
+through the sheets first. [_Stamping her foot._] Oh, tear the thing;
+tear it!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+'Ave you consented to make 'im 'appy, poor young gentleman? That's all
+I want to know, Lil. [_Overcoming a hook._] There!
+
+LILY.
+
+Thank you, mother. [_Slipping her arms out of her dress._] I can
+manage the rest.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+But, Lil, dearie----!
+
+LILY.
+
+Oh, for mercy's sake, leave me alone! [_Violently._] Why can't you
+leave me alone!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Ho! Very good! [_Moving away indignantly as LILY, with shaking
+fingers, unfastens a necklace._] _This_ is my reward for layin' awake
+'alf the night, is it, an' for thinkin' of you, an' wonderin' about
+you! Ungrateful little puss, you! [_Going towards the door._] After
+this, you can keep your affairs to yourself for as long as ever you
+choose. Don't you expect _me_----!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Suddenly, sitting upon the settee._] Mother----!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Sharply._] Yes?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Her hand to her brow._] Oh, mother----!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Hurrying to LILY._] Wot is it?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Swaying._] At last-- at last----!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+At last----?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Clinging to MRS. UPJOHN._] I'm in love, mother-- I'm in love-- in
+love-- in love----!
+
+  END OF THE THIRD ACT.
+
+
+
+
+  THE FOURTH ACT
+
+
+_The scene is the same as in the preceding act, but the light outside
+is brighter and warmer and in the room is more diffused. On the table
+in the centre, placed close to the settee, there is a small tray with
+a breakfast of tea and toast upon it. The bedroom door is partly
+open._
+
+
+  [_LILY, wan and red-eyed, is lying, propped up by cushions, upon the
+  settee. A newspaper is on her lap but she is gazing at vacancy. She
+  is in _négligé_. A dainty morning-robe covers her night-gown, her
+  bare feet are in slippers, and her hair is in a simple knot. MAUD
+  is at one of the drawers of the cupboard at the back, engaged in
+  selecting some articles of _lingerie_, and MRS. UPJOHN, completely
+  dressed for the day, is sitting in the arm-chair by the centre
+  table, her face hidden by a newspaper which she is reading.
+  Presently MAUD shuts the drawer and, carrying the _lingerie_,
+  comes forward._
+
+MAUD.
+
+[_To LILY._] What frock'll you put on?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Starting slightly._] Eh?
+
+MAUD.
+
+One of your embroidered muslins, or your Ninon?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Languidly._] Either; _I_ don't care.
+
+MAUD.
+
+Oh, gracious, what on earth _is_ the matter with you this morning!
+I've never known you as queer as this after any hop you've been to in
+_my_ time. [_To MRS. UPJOHN, who has lowered her paper._] Nothing
+wrong, is there?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Turning over and burying her head in the cushions._] Maud.
+
+MAUD.
+
+[_Moving to the settee and bending over LILY._] Here I am, lovey.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_In a muffled voice._] Go into the next room and shut the door, and
+don't let me see your stupid, fat face till I come to you.
+
+MAUD.
+
+[_Laughing heartily._] Ha, ha, ha! Ho, ho, ho! That's better. [_Going
+to the bedroom door._] That's how I like to hear her talk. We needn't
+send for Dr. Gilson yet awhile. Ha, ha, ha!
+
+  [_She disappears into the bedroom and closes the door._
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Looking at LILY._] Lil.
+
+LILY.
+
+Yes, mother?
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+'Ave another cup o' tea, won't you?
+
+LILY.
+
+No.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+'Nother bit o' toast, then?
+
+LILY.
+
+No.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Smoke a cigarette.
+
+LILY.
+
+No.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+You always _do_ 'ave a w'iff after your breakfast. Come!
+
+LILY.
+
+No.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Rising and walking away._] Oh, dear; oh, dear! Deuce take Carlton
+Smythe an' 'is supper party-- those are _my_ sentiments; _an'_ Lal
+Roper, busybody that 'e is! Things were goin' on with us as smooth an'
+peaceful as could be, before this upset.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Raising herself, angrily._] _You_ were in it, mother; you're as much
+to blame as anybody.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Halting._] 'Ow _in_ it?
+
+LILY.
+
+In Uncle Lal's artful plan to prevent Nicko from being invited. You've
+confessed you were.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Lal twisted me round 'is little finger. I was clay in the porter's
+'and, as your dad was fond of sayin'.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Changing her position._] If only Nicko had been there, I shouldn't
+have given young Farncombe all those dances, nor wandered about with
+him in the intervals, nor allowed him to see me home. It all simply
+wouldn't, _couldn't_ have happened. [_Hitting a cushion._] Oh!
+[_Sitting up and embracing her knees._] Mother----!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Behind the settee._] Wot?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Knitting her brows._] I-- I'm so surprised at myself.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Surprised?
+
+LILY.
+
+So-- so disappointed with myself.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Why, you 'aven't done anything that-- that's not quite respectable,
+Lil. On the cont'ry----
+
+LILY.
+
+No, I haven't done anything that's actually not nice, but-- fancy!----
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Close to LILY._] Fancy----?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Opening her eyes widely._] Fancy my letting myself go with young
+Farncombe as I did! _He-- he'd_ been admiring me from a distance for
+weeks and weeks, but I'd scarcely noticed him till last night!
+[_Leaning her head against MRS. UPJOHN, softly._] I-- I always thought
+I was such a cold girl, mother, in-- in that way.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+I s'pose it was wot's called love at first sight, Lil.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Laughing shamefacedly._] Ha, ha, ha! [_Putting her feet to the
+ground and shielding her face with her hands._] Oh, don't talk rot,
+mother.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Moving away._] Any'ow, it's not too late, Lil-- even now----
+
+LILY.
+
+Not too late----?
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Behind the centre table._] To back out, dearie. The Captain couldn't
+possibly 'old you to a 'asty promise given 'im between four an' five
+in the mornin'.
+
+LILY.
+
+Oh! Oh, how _can_ you! I've passed my word to Nicko and I wouldn't
+break it for twenty thousand pounds. [_Looking up._] Mother----!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Fussing with the things upon the table._] Yes?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Resolutely._] I'm going to pull Nicko _up_, mother. I've dragged him
+down, and I mean to raise him. [_Clenching her hands._] So help me
+God, I do!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Well, you've got a tough job before you, Lil, in my opinion.
+
+LILY.
+
+Perhaps; but I mean to succeed. [_After a pause._] Besides----
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Besides----?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Slowly._] I've told you-- Nicko or no Nicko-- I'm determined-- I'm
+determined not to draw Eddie Farncombe into my net.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Into your _net_? [_Another pause._] Lil----
+
+LILY.
+
+Eh?
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+That's twice you've made use o' that remark. 'Oo's accused you----?
+[_There is a lively rat-tat at the door on the left._] Come in!
+
+  [_The door opens and JIMMIE BIRCH bounces into the room._
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_As she closes the door._] Ah, Ma! Ah, Lillums!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Good mornin'.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Kissing MRS. UPJOHN._] Ha, ha! We've met before, this morning,
+haven't we! [_Coming to LILY._] Well, dear old girl, and how are _you_
+to-day? [_Kissing LILY and then eyeing her keenly._] A wreck?
+
+LILY.
+
+Rather.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+I _ought_ to be, but I'm not. Directly I laid my pretty head on my
+pillow I went off, and never stirred till I found the breakfast-tray
+on my chest. [_Reckoning on her fingers._] Five to six-- six to
+seven-- seven to eight-- eight to nine-- nine to ten-- ten to eleven.
+I've had six hours; that's not so dusty. [_To LILY, slyly._] You
+didn't sleep very soundly, probably?
+
+LILY.
+
+Not very.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Smiling from ear to ear._] Excited? [_LILY shrugs her shoulders.
+There is a silence and then JIMMIE, still beaming, looks round and
+sees that MRS. UPJOHN has seated herself upon the fauteuil-stool._]
+May I sit down for a minute?
+
+LILY.
+
+Of course, Jimmie; do.
+
+  [_JIMMIE sits in the arm-chair by the centre table, awaiting some
+  communication which doesn't come. MRS. UPJOHN drums upon the table
+  with her fingers and LILY busies herself with re-arranging the
+  cushions on the settee._
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_After a while._] Hope I haven't dropped in too early?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Settling her shoulders into the cushions._] Not a bit, dear.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+It's nearly half-past twelve. I-- I _dashed_ round. [_After another
+pause, unable to restrain herself further._] Any news? Any-any-anything
+to tell me?
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Abruptly._] Yes.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+W-w-what----?
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Lil's engaged.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+Hah! [_Triumphantly._] Hah, hah! [_Clapping her hands and beating her
+feet upon the floor._] Hah, hah, hah, hah! [_Jumping up and sitting
+beside LILY and hugging and kissing her._] Oh! Oh! Oh! Y'm! Y'm! Y'm!
+Oh, you humbugs! [_Rising and rushing at MRS. UPJOHN and embracing
+her._] You solemn humbug, Ma! [_Leaving MRS. UPJOHN and singing and
+dancing to the refrain sung in the previous Act._] "If you would only,
+only love me;--" Ha, ha, ha! "If you would merely, merely say,----"
+[_Her voice gradually dying away as she sees that the expression on
+LILY'S face, and upon MRS. UPJOHN'S, doesn't alter._] "Wait but a
+little-- [_standing still_] little-- for me----"
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Caustically._] Yes, you _'ad_ better wait a little; you'd better
+wait till you 'ear _'oo_ she's engaged _to_.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+Who-- to!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Studying her nails._] _Whom_ to, mother.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+Why, isn't it----?
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+No, it ain't. It's the Captain.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+T-t-the Cap--! [_To LILY._] N-n-nicko? [_LILY nods. JIMMIE draws a
+deep breath._] Oh-h-h-h!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Calmly._] Nicko turned up here early this morning-- while Eddie--
+while Lord Farncombe was with me, in fact-- and I-- we-- the three of
+us-- we talked matters over, and-- and----
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Her eyes starting out of her head._] Was there a row?
+
+LILY.
+
+Oh, don't be so curious, Jimmie. Poor Nicko has been after me for six
+years. A girl must play the game, if she's at all decent and wishes to
+preserve a shred of self-respect.
+
+  [_Again there is a pause and then JIMMIE silently resumes her seat in
+  the arm-chair._
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Moistening her lips with her tongue-- to JIMMIE._] 'Ow do you feel
+about it?
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Thoughtfully._] How do I feel about it? [_To LILY._] May I say?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Coldly._] Certainly.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Rubbing the arm of her chair with the palm of her hand._] Well, if I
+were on board a ship at this moment, I should be ringing for the
+stewardess; that's how I feel about it.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Throwing herself, face downward, at full length upon the settee._]
+Oh! Oh, you're just like the rest of our girls on the question of
+marriage! You-- you-- you're detestable!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Sliding out of her chair and kneeling at the settee and putting an
+arm round LILY._] Oh, Lil-- Lil----!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Repulsing her._] Yes, you are! [_Raising herself upon her elbow._]
+You'd rejoice to see me draw this boy into my net, wouldn't you! You
+know you would. [_MRS. UPJOHN rises and comes forward._] I dare say
+you jolly well wouldn't object to catching him yourself if you'd half
+a chance! [_Fiercely._] You try it; you try it-- you, or any of you!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Attempting to rise, scandalised._] Oh----!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Holding her._] No, no----! Jimmie----!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Lil, I'm perfec'ly ashamed of you, speakin' to Jimmie Birch in that
+manner.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Dropping her head on JIMMIE'S shoulder._] Oh----!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+She doesn't mean it.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+I 'ope not. It ain't exac'ly pleasant to 'ave a dog in the manger for
+a daughter. [_To LILY._] Why _shouldn't_ young Farncombe turn 'is
+attention to Miss Birch, pray, or to any young lady who doesn't object
+to take your leavin's!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_To MRS. UPJOHN._] H'sh, h'sh, h'sh!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Walking about._] No, I won't 'ush!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_To LILY, quietly._] I'll come back in the afternoon.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Lil seems to 'ave got some maggot or other in 'er brain about drawin'
+Lord Farncombe into 'er _net_. Net indeed! [_JIMMIE, not heeding MRS.
+UPJOHN, arranges LILY comfortably upon the settee and then rises and
+smoothes out her skirt preparatory to departure._] As Lal Roper was
+sayin' yesterday, our tiptop, aristocratic English fam'lies ought to
+be 'xtremely grateful that strong, 'ealthy perfeshunals o' the class
+of Miss 'Arker an' Miss Trevail an' Miss Shafto are enterin' their
+ranks. An' if Lil chooses to be pig-'eaded enough----! [_JIMMIE makes
+a movement towards MRS. UPJOHN._] 'Ave a bottle o' ginger beer before
+you go. [_There is a prolonged, playful knocking at the door on the
+left followed, on the part of those in the room, by a gloomy pause._]
+That _is_ Lal.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Groaning._] Oh-h-h-h!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Drawing a long face._] H'm!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_To JIMMIE._] Oh, Jimmie-- stay----!
+
+  [_The knocking is repeated. JIMMIE retreats to the right as MRS.
+  UPJOHN goes to the door and opens it. ROPER is outside._
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Entering, in high spirits._] Hullo, hullo, hullo, hul-lo!
+[_Embracing MRS. UPJOHN._] Morning, Ma! [_Advancing._] Any _more_ bids
+for the handsome gilt candelabra with the crystal drops? Ha, ha, ha!
+[_To JIMMIE._] Morning, Jimmie! [_Looking down, upon LILY, eagerly._]
+Well, Lil! Well, my pet!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_In a weary tone, giving him the tips of her fingers and then turning
+upon her side with her face to the back of the settee._] How are you,
+Uncle Lal?
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Chilled._] Oh, I-- thank you, Lil-- [_After a short pause, to MRS.
+UPJOHN-- glancing at LILY._] Not up to much to-day?
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Glumly._] No great shakes.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Dancing too hard, I 'spect.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+A deal too 'ard.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_After another pause._] Anything else amiss, Ma?
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Sitting upon the box-ottoman-- to JIMMIE, who is at the piano
+examining some of the music._] _You_ tell Lal, Jimmie.
+
+ROPER.
+
+T-t-tell--? [_To JIMMIE, who comes to the settee-- apprehensively._]
+Jimmie----!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Behind the settee, gravely._] No, the old Pandora isn't going to
+score _this_ time, Lal.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Isn't going to--? I d-d-don't follow you.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Be plain, Jimmie.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Endeavouring to relieve the situation._] Ha, ha! Nature's taken
+precious good care of that, in my case.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Angrily._] Now, look here, Jimmie! A jest is a capital thing in its
+way. No man has a keener sense of humour than Lal Roper. But there
+_are_ occasions when it's out o' place, and this is one of 'em, my
+dear; and if it's not putting you to serious inconvenience----
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Also losing her temper._] Oh, well, then, have it in the neck! Lil's
+declined young Farncombe. There! And when _you_ crack a joke next, Mr.
+Roper, I beg you'll contrive to favour us with a little variety;
+[_flouncing away_] because you bore me pallid with your rotten
+wheezes, and always have done.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Going to MRS. UPJOHN, aghast at the tidings._] Ma----!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_To ROPER, under her breath._] Won't draw 'im into 'er net, Uncle.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Won't draw him into her----?
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_At the back._] K-n-e-double t-- net!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Pacifically._] Jimmie----!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Mimicking ROPER derisively._] Hullo, hullo, hullo, hul-lo! Fresh
+fish from the sea! Buy 'em on the beach; buy 'em on the beach; buy 'em
+on the beach!
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_To JIMMIE, indignantly._] Jimmie Birch----!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Sitting upon the fauteuil-stool._] Ha, ha!
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_To MRS. UPJOHN, wiping his brow._] Of course, there is _this_ to be
+said, Ma. [_Rallying at the idea._] It may be wise of dear Lil to
+decline Farncombe _at first_. It-- it-- it-- it doesn't do for a girl,
+does it, to appear to throw herself at _any_ man, let alone a young
+fellow of the position-- the-- the-- the social status----!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Suddenly sitting up and putting her feet to the floor again._] Oh,
+for mercy's sake, cease discussing my affairs in my presence! [_To
+MRS. UPJOHN._] Mother, why do you keep Uncle Lal in the dark? [_To
+JIMMIE._] Jimmie, why don't _you_----?
+
+ROPER.
+
+In the dark!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Yes, Lal; your flyin' out at Jimmie over 'er 'armless joke stopped 'er
+finishin'.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Finishing----?
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Lil's not on'y refused young Farncombe but she's gone an' plighted
+'erself to another individual.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Plighted herself----?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Passionately._] To one of the best! To one of the best!
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Stupefied._] Do I-- do I know him?
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+Ha!
+
+LILY.
+
+Know him! You know him sufficiently to have plotted and schemed to
+prevent his being asked to the party last night.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_To LILY._] Did Lal do that?
+
+LILY.
+
+_Did_ he!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+Impudence!
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Sitting in the arm-chair by the centre table-- quietly._] Jeyes!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+Nicko.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Firmly._] Nicko.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+But the Captain _was_ at the party last night notwithstandin'.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_To MRS. UPJOHN._] Nonsense, Ma!
+
+LILY.
+
+Yes, Nicko managed to get into the theatre somehow or other.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_To LILY._] And watched you and young Farncombe----!
+
+LILY.
+
+And stationed himself under the portico of Twenty seven, to see who
+brought me home.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+Oh----!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+'E's always been frightfully jealous, the Captain 'as.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Looking at ROPER._] Oh, so _really_ it's entirely owing to Lal
+Roper's interference that matters were brought to a head this morning!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Her eyes flashing._] Entirely.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Joining in the attack upon ROPER._] Yes, if Lal 'ad been content to
+mind 'is own business----
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+And hadn't meddled----!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+_An'_ muddled----!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+Things might have gone on much the same as before.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+An' might 'ave ended different.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Rising and walking away to the right._] Ah, no, mother----!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Rising and joining LILY._] Certainly they might.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Rising._] Any'ow I 'ope it'll be a lesson to Lal----
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+_Do_ you, Ma!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Moving over to the girls._] Not to put 'is fingers into other
+people's pies.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_To MRS. UPJOHN, with a withering glance at ROPER._] Oh, you _are_
+sanguine!
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Rising and straightening himself out._] Ma-- Mrs. Upjohn-- Lily----
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Scornfully._] Hullo, hullo, hullo, hul-lo----!
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_To JIMMIE._] P'sh! [_Impressively._] Ma-- Lily-- for years-- longer
+than it's agreeable to count-- I've been a patron of the drama--
+particularly musical comedy, of which I've studied the development
+with especial interest.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Resting her elbows upon the back of the settee._] Yes, you've
+studied a lot of development, Lal, in your day.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Ignoring JIMMIE._] It's been a fad with me; I put it no higher than
+that. [_Producing his gloves._] But I've devoted time to it----
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+Any amount.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Drawing a glove on._] Often to the neglect of my ventures in the
+City. Here I am _now_, for instance.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+That's obvious.
+
+ROPER.
+
+And-- I frankly admit it-- I've had more than one serious dispute with
+_Mrs._ Roper on the subject. [_JIMMIE softly whistles a few bars of
+"Rule, Britannia."_] Yesterday, by a coincidence-- [_feeling the
+outside of his breast-pocket_] letter from the wife-- full o'
+complaints-- haven't been to Bexhill, to her and the kids, for weeks.
+And to do Ellen Roper justice, she's not the woman to grumble without
+cause. [_Picking up his hat and cane which he has placed upon the
+centre table._] Dash it all, home ties _are_ home ties! [_Polishing
+his hat with his sleeve._] And, taking one consideration with
+another-- and after this-- this occurrence-- it's my intention for the
+future-- my firm intention----
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Running to ROPER and throwing her arms around his neck._] Oh, Uncle
+Lal, not altogether! We're tired and cross this morning! Not
+altogether!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Behind the centre table._] No, no, Uncle, you mustn't----!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_To ROPER._] Forgive us! [_Coaxingly._] Mother and Jimmie are
+cats----!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN AND JIMMIE.
+
+Oh----!
+
+  [_The door on the left opens, and GLADYS enters with a card on a
+  salver._
+
+GLADYS.
+
+[_Advancing to LILY._] Are you _in_?
+
+LILY.
+
+In?
+
+GLADYS.
+
+[_Surveying LILY with mingled disdain and pity._] Oh you _do_ look
+washed out!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Going to GLADYS._] Never you mind whether I look washed out or not.
+Who is it?
+
+  [_LILY takes the card, reads some writing upon it, and stands
+  twiddling the card in her fingers._
+
+GLADYS.
+
+They're in the dining-room.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_To GLADYS, after a pause._] W-wait outside-- on the landing.
+
+GLADYS.
+
+Oh, all right. _This_ won't get my silver cleaned.
+
+  [_GLADYS withdraws. LILY waits for the door to close and then walks
+  about distractedly._
+
+LILY.
+
+Oh, why can't they leave me alone! What do they want with me now, both
+of them!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Moving towards LILY._] 'Oo----?
+
+LILY.
+
+Nicko's downstairs-- with Lord Farncombe.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Lord Farncombe----!
+
+ROPER.
+
+And Jeyes!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Reading the card again._] Nicko asks me to see him and the boy
+together. [_ROPER and MRS. UPJOHN go to LILY, one on each side of her,
+and try to read the card. She pushes them from her and sits in the
+arm-chair by the centre table._] I won't; I won't.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Joining MRS. UPJOHN and ROPER._] Yes, yes, Lil; do.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Bewildered._] Wot----?
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+Perhaps they've arrived at a friendly understanding----!
+
+ROPER.
+
+Understanding?
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Excitedly._] And have come to propose that Lil should choose between
+them!
+
+ROPER.
+
+Great Scot----!
+
+LILY.
+
+I _have_ chosen; I _have_ chosen. It's settled.
+
+ROPER.
+
+_Undoubtedly_ she ought to see them.
+
+LILY.
+
+It's a shame to persecute me so-- a shame!
+
+JIMMIE, MRS. UPJOHN, AND ROPER.
+
+[_Behind LILY'S chair._] Lil! Lily----!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Give 'em a minute, dear.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Hear what they've got to _say_.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+It _would_ be uncivil _not_ to.
+
+LILY.
+
+Oh--! Oh----!
+
+JIMMIE.                 }
+
+Buck up, Lil!           }
+
+ROPER.                  } [_To LILY, urgently._]
+
+My pet!                 }
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.            }
+
+'Ark to reason, dearie. }
+
+JIMMIE, MRS. UPJOHN, AND ROPER.
+
+Lil! Lily----!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Yielding helplessly._] Oh, very well----
+
+JIMMIE, MRS. UPJOHN, AND ROPER.
+
+Ah----!
+
+LILY.
+
+Tell Gladys-- when I ring----
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Flying to the door on the left._] I'll tell her.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_To MRS. UPJOHN, importantly._] Lucky I was on the spot; lucky I was
+on the spot.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_On the landing, to GLADYS._] Bring the gentlemen up when Miss Lily
+rings.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Rising and pacing the room on the right._] Give me some stockings!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Hurrying into the bedroom._] Yes, dearie. [_As she disappears._]
+Maud----!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Returning and closing the door and then whispering to ROPER._] Bet
+my boots that's it!
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_To JIMMIE, in a whisper._] Choose between 'em!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+What else can it be?
+
+ROPER.
+
+_I_ can't----
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Throwing herself into ROPER'S arms._] Oh, if it _is_!
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Hugging her._] Oh----!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Suddenly, releasing herself._] Oh----! [_Haughtily._] Thought you
+were Lily.
+
+  [_MRS. UPJOHN returns, carrying a pair of stockings. LILY seats
+  herself upon the fauteuil-stool where, concealed by the centre table,
+  she draws on the stockings with MRS. UPJOHN'S assistance._
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Whimpering._] Oh--! Oh----!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Don't, dearie; don't. Mother's _'ere_.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Impatiently._] I-- ah-- I think I'll run downstairs and shake hands
+with Jeyes and Farncombe while Lily's tidying herself.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Who has moved over to the right-- to ROPER._] Be careful. I should
+advise you not to risk it.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_At the door._] Risk it?
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+If Nicko knows you were the cause of his being shut out of the party
+last night, he'll simply throttle you.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Opening the door._] Throttle _me_! [_Formidably._] Throttle Lal
+Roper----!
+
+  [_He disappears, closing the door, as MAUD enters from the bedroom
+  with a pair of shoes._
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Weakly._] Oh! Oh! Oh! Get me something to keep these up with.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_To MAUD._] Ribbon----
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Snatching the shoes from MAUD._] Ribbon.
+
+  [_MAUD opens one of the drawers underneath the further cupboard on the
+  left and finds a roll of bright, new ribbon, while JIMMIE, searching
+  among the objects on the centre table, discovers the case of manicure
+  instruments and takes from it a pair of scissors._
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Putting on her shoes-- to MRS. UPJOHN._] No, no; that's the left
+foot-- oh----!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Don't agitate yourself, dearie. Mother's _'ere_.
+
+  [_MAUD comes to the centre table with the ribbon and JIMMIE cuts off
+  two lengths from the roll._
+
+MAUD.
+
+[_To JIMMIE._] Morning, Miss Jimmie!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_To MAUD._] Morning!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_To MRS. UPJOHN._] Where's the mirror? Where's the mirror?
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Taking the mirror from the table and giving it to LILY._] 'Ere it
+is, dearie; 'ere it is. An' _I'm_ 'ere too.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Viewing herself in the mirror and running her hand over her hair._]
+Oh, how horrid I look! [_JIMMIE goes to LILY with the two lengths of
+ribbon and MAUD replaces the roll in the drawer._] Ring the bell.
+[_JIMMIE hands LILY the garters, relieving her of the mirror, and MRS.
+UPJOHN hastens to the fireplace and presses the bell-push
+continuously._] That'll do, Maud; _you_ hook it.
+
+MAUD.
+
+[_Going to the bedroom door._] Ha, ha, ha! Ho, ho, ho! That's how I
+like to hear her talk. Ha, ha, ha, ha!
+
+  [_MAUD vanishes into the bedroom, closing the door, and LILY, having
+  tied up her stockings, rises and comes to the settee._
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Still pressing the bell-push._] _Now_ I don't believe I've rung.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_At the uttermost tension._] Ah, stop it, mother; stop it! [_Sitting
+on the settee._] We're not calling the fire-brigade.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_At the back of the settee, to LILY._] I'll wait in your bedroom till
+the men have been shown up, and sneak out that way. [_Bending over
+LILY._] Mind! If Nicko _is_ willing, after all, that you should make
+your choice----
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Advancing._] Yes, dearie, if 'e _is_ willing----
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Frantically._] I tell you I _have_ made it. I keep on telling you
+_I've chosen-- I've chosen-- I've chosen!_ [_Clenching her hands._]
+If you torment me any more, either of you----!
+
+  [_MRS. UPJOHN and JIMMIE retreat precipitately to the bedroom door.
+  They open the door and then, standing in the doorway, listen
+  intently._
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Disappearing._] Ah----!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Partially disappearing._] Ah--! [_Only her head visible, speaking to
+LILY in a hoarse whisper._] Mother's _'ere_, dearie.
+
+  [_The head is withdrawn and the door softly closed. After a pause,
+  GLADYS enters at the other door followed by JEYES and FARNCOMBE. The
+  men are carrying their hats and canes. GLADYS retires, closing the
+  door, and JEYES comes to LILY and shakes hands with her._
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_To LILY, gently._] How are you to-day, Lil? Very fagged?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Almost inaudibly._] I _am_ a little. [_JEYES turns from her, to lay
+his hat and cane upon the box-ottoman, and then FARNCOMBE, who has
+hung back, advances hesitatingly to the further side of the centre
+table and bows to LILY. She rises and, avoiding his eyes, gives him a
+limp hand across the table._] How d'ye do? [_To JEYES who, having got
+rid of his hat and cane, moves away from the ottoman._] Sit down,
+won't you? [_She resumes her seat upon the settee and JEYES, with a
+nod, sits in the arm-chair by the centre table. FARNCOMBE remains
+standing and again she addresses him without meeting his eyes._] And
+you?
+
+  [_FARNCOMBE, with another bow, sits upon the fauteuil-stool. There is
+  a brief silence and then JEYES speaks._
+
+JEYES.
+
+Lil----
+
+LILY.
+
+Y-yes?
+
+JEYES.
+
+In the first place, Farncombe wants you distinctly to understand how
+it is he's committing this breach of his compact with you. [_To
+FARNCOMBE._] You promised----?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+I promised never to attempt to come near Miss Parradell again, nor
+even to enter the theatre.
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_To LILY._] And if I'm any judge of a man, Lily, Farncombe would have
+kept his promise. He'd have kept it faithfully, but for _me_. I've
+brought him along-- insisted on it. [_Emphatically._] _I've brought
+him along._ See?
+
+LILY.
+
+W-w-why, Nicko?
+
+JEYES.
+
+I'll tell you, my dear. You remember, when we left you early this
+morning, ordering us to walk away together and to part good friends?
+
+LILY.
+
+P-perfectly.
+
+JEYES.
+
+Well, we did walk away together, and we did part good friends. But we
+didn't part at all till some hours later, in his rooms. We didn't part
+till I'd made him stand by me and listen to me while I had a long jaw
+with my brother on the 'phone.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Wonderingly._] With-- your----?
+
+JEYES.
+
+About that Rhodesian business.
+
+LILY.
+
+What Rhodesian business?
+
+JEYES.
+
+I mentioned it to you yesterday. Bob owns a third, with Peter Chalmers
+and Tom Dalby, of a group of farms near Bulawayo, and he's been
+badgering me eternally to cut this and to settle out there as their
+agent. [_Simply._] And I've accepted, old girl.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_With a blank face._] Ac-cepted?
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Grimly._] Leaving you to bring an action against me, to recover
+damages for a broken heart. [_Drawing a deep breath._] Yes, I'm
+chucking you, Lil. I give you formal notice of my intention; and you
+can drive down to your solicitors this afternoon and instruct them to
+writ me without delay. [_Forcing a laugh._] Ha, ha, ha!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Faintly._] Nicko----!
+
+JEYES.
+
+Unless-- unless you've an idea of consoling yourself shortly with--
+with another chap, and prefer not to carry the matter into Court.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_About to rise._] Nicko----!
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Restraining her by a gesture._] H'sh! No, no, no. [_She sinks
+back._] Ah, Lil-- Lil-- I know you're full of generous, honest
+impulses, though I _did_ tear you to rags in Farncombe's hearing a few
+hours ago. But I'm not going to allow you to sacrifice yourself to
+them; I-- I-- I've come to my senses, and I'm not going to permit it.
+[_Bending forward._] Oh, my dear, why should I make you pay for the
+weaknesses of my character? Because that's what it 'ud amount to. I've
+bullied you for having played skittles with my life, my career. So you
+_have_! Damn it, so you have! But you've done it out of blind
+thoughtlessness; and if I'd been a fairly strong man, with some
+ballast in me, you _couldn't_ have landed me where I am-- not you nor
+fifty Pandora girls! [_Sitting erect._] And that-- that's the moral of
+the tale; and-- and-- [_abruptly, to FARNCOMBE_] There's nothing more,
+is there, Farncombe?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Brokenly._] Except that-- that I'd like to repeat-- what I've
+already said to Jeyes-- that I-- [_his elbows on the table, his head
+bowed_] oh, you make me feel terribly small, Jeyes.
+
+  [_Again there is a pause, and then LILY struggles to her feet and
+  holds out her hand to JEYES uncertainly, and at once he rises and
+  takes her in his arms. FARNCOMBE also rises and, standing behind the
+  settee, turns his back to JEYES and LILY._
+
+LILY.
+
+[_To JEYES, choking._] Ah, Nicko-- I can't-- I can't----
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Patting her shoulder._] Ah----!
+
+LILY.
+
+Why, what-- what would become of my resolutions----?
+
+JEYES.
+
+Resolutions?
+
+LILY.
+
+To-- to raise you _up_, Nicko.
+
+JEYES.
+
+You _are_ raising me up-- setting me on my legs again.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_In a fright._] And-- and drawing Eddie into my net!
+
+JEYES.
+
+Oh, we've talked of that too, he and I. He's given me an account of
+what passed between you here. My dear girl, your conscience may be
+quite clear on that point. Nobody can ever reproach _you_ with trying
+to draw him into your net.
+
+LILY.
+
+They _would_-- they _would_----
+
+JEYES.
+
+At all events, the task you have to face now is to prove to the
+world-- _his_ world-- that Miss Parradell is equal to playing "lead"
+on a bigger stage than the stage of the Pandora. [_Holding her at
+arms' length and shaking her fondly._] And you'll _do_ it! Ho, ho, ho,
+ho! _You'll_ do it! Ha, ha, ha--! [_His voice dies away miserably and
+he releases her. Then, pulling himself together, he looks at his
+watch._] Well, I've got to lunch with Bob at half-past one at the
+Junior Carlton----
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Agitatedly._] Ah, it's not nearly that, Nicko; it's not nearly that!
+Nicko--! [_She passes him, moving towards the door on the left as if
+to intercept him, and then turns to him. A strip of ribbon lies upon
+the spot where she has been standing. After gazing at it for a moment,
+he stoops and picks it up._] Oh--! [_He folds the ribbon carefully and
+puts it into his pocket._] Oh--! [_Hitching up her stocking through
+her robe, piteously._] Ha, ha!
+
+JEYES.
+
+Ha, ha, ha----!
+
+  [_They face one another, laughing, and then she sits upon the
+  fauteuil-stool and drops her head upon the table and he fetches his
+  hat and cane from the box-ottoman._
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Weeping._] Nicko-- Nicko----!
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Coming to her._] Oh, this isn't good-bye, Lil, not by any manner o'
+means, my dear. We'll kill the fatted calf several times before I
+start-- you, I, and the boy. Besides, by-and-by, you and he must take
+a trip and come out to see me. "Seringa Vale" is the farm where I
+shall be quartered, Bob tells me. [_Looking into space._] Jermyn
+Street to Seringa Vale! [_Shaking himself._] Ph'h, there are no great
+distances in these days! [_To FARNCOMBE, with a change of tone._]
+Farncombe-- [_FARNCOMBE comes forward._] You dine with me to-night,
+recollect; it's an engagement.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Yes.
+
+JEYES.
+
+Eight o'clock.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Eight o'clock.
+
+JEYES.
+
+Catani's.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Catani's.
+
+  [_Without looking at LILY again, JEYES goes to the door and opens it.
+  FARNCOMBE follows him and the two men halt in the doorway._
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_To FARNCOMBE, with a motion of his head towards LILY._] And
+afterwards-- _you_ fetch her from the theatre and take her home.
+That's _your_ job.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Rising._] Oh----!
+
+  [_FARNCOMBE goes out on to the landing with JEYES and parts from him
+  at the top of the stairs. Then FARNCOMBE slowly returns, closes the
+  door, and finds LILY sitting upon the settee in a woeful attitude._
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Coming to LILY and standing before her, thoughtfully._] Lily----
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Feebly._] Eh-- eh----?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+I'm afraid there's one thing finer than winning the woman you love
+and, when you've won her, being prepared to go through fire and water
+for her.
+
+LILY.
+
+What's that?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Having the courage to give her up, as Jeyes has done.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_With a renewed outburst._] Oh, Nicko! Poor Nicko! Poor Nicko!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Sitting beside her and taking her hand consolingly._] By George,
+he's a brick, isn't he!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_After a pause, drying her eyes._] Eddie----
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Yes?
+
+LILY.
+
+If-- if ever we marry----
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_His jaw falling._] _If----!_
+
+LILY.
+
+W-w-when, then. When we marry, you'll be obliged to resign your
+commission in the Guards, won't you?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Snapping his fingers._] P'sh! I shan't care a rap about that.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Snatching her hand away._] The snobs! The snobs! They'd let you
+marry any bit of trash in your own set; but a Pandora girl, though
+she's as pure as the Queen of England----! Oh, the contemptible snobs!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Regaining possession of her hand._] H'sh! H'sh! It-- it's the
+practice----
+
+LILY.
+
+Blow the practice! A cheerful reflection for _me_, it'll be. The
+arrant snobs!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Stroking her hand._] Ah! Ah!
+
+LILY.
+
+And then-- poor mother! You-- you won't be very proud of poor mother.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Your mother? [_Boyishly._] Oh, she-- she's an awfully good sort.
+
+LILY.
+
+She hasn't an H. to her name.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Inadvertently._] She _oughtn't_ to have.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Withdrawing her hand again, sharply._] She calls herself _H_upjohn,
+you mean!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Distressed._] No, no, no. [_In a difficulty._] Er-- at any rate, h's
+don't lead you to heaven, do they?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Gloomily._] You're right; mother's lead _her_ to _'eaven_. [_Rising
+and walking away._] Well, you'd better go now.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Rising._] And to-night----?
+
+LILY.
+
+No; I'll come home alone.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Lily----!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Imperatively._] Please----!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+When----?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Moving to the door on the left._] Not for two or three days. Give me
+time to shake down over this.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Taking up his hat and cane which he has left upon the centre
+table._] Sunday?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Fretfully._] No.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Monday?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Opening the door._] No.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Joining her at the door._] Tuesday?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Appealingly._] I-- I'll write. [_Again he takes her hand, she
+keeping him at a distance. He attempts to lessen the distance, but she
+checks him, shaking her head._] Not just yet, Eddie. [_He smiles at
+her tenderly and, with a bow, departs. From the doorway, she watches
+him disappear; then she shuts the door and wanders listlessly to the
+door of the bedroom. Her hand lingers upon the knob for a moment, and
+then she opens the door a little way and calls._] Mother! Mother----!
+
+  [_She leaves the door and is returning to the settee when MRS. UPJOHN
+  enters._
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_All agog._] Yes, Lil? [_LILY seats herself upon the settee without
+speaking._] Yes, dearie; yes? [_Advancing to the centre table._] 'Ave
+they given you your choice?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Dully._] No; they've given me no choice.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Advancing further._] Wot----?
+
+LILY.
+
+Nicko's going out to South Africa, mother.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+South Africa!
+
+LILY.
+
+Well, to Rhodesia.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Then you're free, Lil!
+
+LILY.
+
+No, I'm not.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Not!
+
+LILY.
+
+Nicko-- Nicko's handed me over, mother.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+'Anded you over!
+
+LILY.
+
+To-- to Lord Farncombe.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Gasping._] An' you an' the young gentleman----!
+
+LILY.
+
+I-- I suppose so.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Oh--! [_Sinking into the arm chair by the centre table._] Oh, the dear
+Captain!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Transferring herself from the settee to MRS. UPJOHN'S lap._] Oh! Oh!
+Oh! [_Putting her arms round MRS. UPJOHN'S neck._] Oh, poor Nicko!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Soothingly._] 'E'll 'ave 'is reward, Lil; 'e'll 'ave 'is reward
+'ereafter.
+
+LILY.
+
+And poor Carlton Smythe! Oh, poor Carlton!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Poor Carlton----?
+
+LILY.
+
+He's losing every one of his best girls, mother. Gwennie Harker--
+Maidie Trevail-- Eva Shafto-- and now _me_! Oh, poor Carlton!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+'Ush, dearie; 'ush! Don't consider _'im_! [_Rocking LILY to and fro
+like a baby._] Think-- think wot a lot o' good you're all doin' to the
+aristocracy!
+
+  [_The door on the left opens and JIMMIE and ROPER look in gleefully
+  and then tiptoe towards LILY and MRS. UPJOHN._
+
+
+  THE END.
+
+
+
+
+_All applications respecting amateur performances of this play must
+be made to Sir Arthur Pinero's agents, Samuel French, Limited,
+Southampton St., London, W.C._
+
+
+
+
+  Printed By
+  Ballantyne & Company Ltd
+  At The Ballantyne Press
+  Tavistock Street Covent Garden
+  London
+
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+           *       *       *       *
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+
+ERRATA (noted by transcriber)
+
+First Act:
+  I prophesy that Mr. Morgan's picture
+    _text has comma for period_
+  N-n-o, thank you, Captain, and I-- I'm afraid----
+    _text has "I I-I'm afraid----": changed to match all others_
+
+Second Act:
+  STIDULPH has seated himself wearily in the armchair
+    _text unchanged: everywhere else hyphenated "arm-chair"_
+  It _is_ a pleasure, meeting all you girls to-night.
+    _hyphen invisible_
+  Karl----
+    _text has no visible punctuation after "Karl"_
+
+Third Act:
+  [_Gazing at DAPHNE stupidly ..._
+    _"at" printed in Roman (non-italic) type_
+  Say you'll take time to consider.
+    _final period missing or invisible_
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of Project Gutenberg's The 'Mind the Paint' Girl, by Arthur Pinero
+
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+table p {margin-top: 0em; margin-left: 2em; text-indent: -2em;
+  line-height: normal;}
+
+table.dialogue td {padding: 0em;}
+table.list td {padding: .1em; font-size: 90%; font-style: italic;}
+table.list td.plaintext {font-style: normal;}
+
+
+/* text formatting */
+
+.smallcaps {font-variant: small-caps; font-style: normal;}
+.extended {letter-spacing: 0.1em;}
+.ital {font-style: italic;}
+
+
+/* my additions */
+
+/* correction popup */
+
+ins.correction {text-decoration: none; border-bottom: thin dotted red;}
+
+/* page number */
+
+.pagenum {position: absolute; right: 5%; font-size: 95%;
+  font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; text-align: right;
+  text-indent: 0em;}
+
+/* Transcriber's Note */
+
+div.mynote {background-color: #DDE; color: #000; padding: .5em 1em 1em;
+  margin: 1em 5%;}
+p.mynote {background-color: #DDE; color: #000; padding: 1em;
+  margin: 1em 5%; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 90%;}
+div.mynote p {font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 90%;}
+div.mynote a {text-decoration: none;}
+
+div.contents {margin: 2em; padding: 0em 1em 1em;
+  font-family: sans-serif; border: 3px ridge #9AF;}
+div.contents p {font-size: 90%; margin-left: 1.5em; text-indent: -1.5em;
+  line-height: 1.5em; margin-top: .25em;}
+div.contents a {text-decoration: none;}
+
+</style>
+</head>
+
+<body>
+
+
+<pre>
+
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The 'Mind the Paint' Girl, by Arthur Pinero
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The 'Mind the Paint' Girl
+       A Comedy in Four Acts
+
+Author: Arthur Pinero
+
+Release Date: June 18, 2007 [EBook #21849]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: UTF-8
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE 'MIND THE PAINT' GIRL ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Louise Hope, Branko Collin and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+
+
+
+
+</pre>
+
+
+<div class = "mynote">
+<p>
+This text uses utf-8 (unicode) file encoding. If the apostrophes and
+quotation marks in this paragraph appear as garbage, you may have an
+incompatible browser or unavailable fonts. First, make sure that the
+browser’s “character set� or “file encoding� is set to Unicode (UTF-8).
+You may also need to change your browser’s default font.</p>
+
+<p>The published play did not include music for the title song ("Mind
+the Paint"), sung in Act&nbsp;I.</p>
+
+<p>
+A few typographical errors have been corrected. They have been
+marked in the text with <ins class = "correction" title =
+"like this">mouse-hover popups</ins>.
+</p>
+</div>
+
+<p class = "illustration">
+<img src = "images/frontcover.png" width = "338" height = "499"
+alt = "book cover showing title and two faces">
+</p>
+
+<div class = "titlepage"> <!-- for MSIE -->
+
+<table summary = "formatted text">
+<tr><td><h1 class = "title left">THE</h1>
+<h1 class = "title">“&nbsp;MIND THE PAINT&nbsp;�</h1>
+<h1 class = "title right">GIRL</h1>
+</td></tr>
+</table>
+
+</div>
+
+<div class = "contents">
+
+<h5>Contents<br>
+(<i>added by transcriber</i>)</h5>
+
+<p><a href = "#act1">First Act</a>:
+<i>Lily Parradell’s drawing room</i></p>
+<p><a href = "#act2">Second Act</a>:
+<i>refreshment-saloon of Pandora Theatre</i></p>
+<p><a href = "#act2b">Second Act</a> (after curtain):
+<i>the same, later</i></p>
+<p><a href = "#act3">Third Act</a>:
+<i>Lily Parradell’s boudoir</i><br>
+<a href = "#song">Song:</a> “If you would only love me�</p>
+<p><a href = "#act4">Fourth Act</a>:
+<i>the same, later</i></p>
+
+</div>
+
+<div class = "center">
+
+<h4 class = "extended"><a name = "list" id = "list">
+<i>THE PLAYS OF ARTHUR W. PINERO</i></a></h4>
+
+<h6>Paper cover, 1s 6d; cloth, 2s 6d each</h6>
+
+<table class = "list" summary = "list of plays">
+<tr>
+<td></td>
+<td>THE TIMES</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td></td>
+<td>THE PROFLIGATE</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td></td>
+<td><p>THE CABINET MINISTER</p></td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td></td>
+<td>THE HOBBY-HORSE</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td></td>
+<td>LADY BOUNTIFUL</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td></td>
+<td>THE MAGISTRATE</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td></td>
+<td>DANDY DICK</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td></td>
+<td>SWEET LAVENDER</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td></td>
+<td>THE SCHOOLMISTRESS</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td></td>
+<td><p>THE WEAKER SEX</p></td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td></td>
+<td>THE AMAZONS</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td class = "plaintext">*</td>
+<td><p>THE SECOND MRS. TANQUERAY</p></td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td></td>
+<td><p>THE NOTORIOUS MRS. EBBSMITH</p></td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td></td>
+<td><p>THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT</p></td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td></td>
+<td><p>THE PRINCESS AND THE BUTTERFLY</p></td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td></td>
+<td><p>TRELAWNY OF THE “WELLS�</p></td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td class = "plaintext">†</td>
+<td><p>THE GAY LORD QUEX</p></td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td></td>
+<td>IRIS</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td></td>
+<td>LETTY</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td></td>
+<td>A WIFE WITHOUT A SMILE</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td></td>
+<td><p>HIS HOUSE IN ORDER</p></td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td></td>
+<td>THE THUNDERBOLT</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td></td>
+<td>MID-CHANNEL</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td></td>
+<td><p>PRESERVING MR. PANMURE</p></td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td></td>
+<td><p>THE “MIND THE PAINT� GIRL</p></td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td class = "plaintext" colspan = "2">
+<p>* This Play can be had in library form, 4to, cloth,<br>
+with a portrait,&nbsp;5s.</p>
+
+<p>† A Limited Edition of this play on hand-made paper,<br>
+with a new portrait, 10s&nbsp;net.</p>
+</td>
+</tr>
+</table>
+
+<table summary = "formatted text">
+<tr>
+<td colspan = "2">
+<h5>THE PINERO BIRTHDAY BOOK</h5>
+
+<h6><span class = "smallcaps">Selected and Arranged by MYRA
+HAMILTON</span><br>
+With a Portrait, cloth extra, price 2s 6d.</h6>
+
+<hr class = "small">
+
+<h5 class = "ital">LONDON: WILLIAM HEINEMANN</h5>
+</td></tr>
+</table>
+
+</div> <!-- end div center -->
+
+
+
+<div class = "titlepage"> <!-- for MSIE -->
+
+<table summary = "formatted text">
+<tr>
+<td>
+<h1 class = "title">THE</h1>
+<h1 class = "title">&nbsp; &nbsp; “&nbsp;MIND THE PAINT&nbsp;� &nbsp;
+&nbsp;</h1>
+<h1 class = "title right">GIRL</h1>
+</td>
+</tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td>
+<h5 class = "title">A COMEDY</h5>
+
+<h6 class = "title">In Four Acts</h6>
+
+<h4 class = "title">By ARTHUR PINERO</h4>
+</td>
+</tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td><p>&nbsp;</p></td>
+</tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td>
+<p class = "extended"><i>LONDON: WILLIAM HEINEMANN</i></p>
+
+<p class = "inset smaller"><i>MCMXIII</i></p>
+</td>
+</tr>
+</table>
+
+</div>
+
+<div class = "null">
+
+<p class = "smaller">
+<i>Copyright 1912<br>
+by Arthur Pinero</i></p>
+
+</div>
+
+<div class = "null">
+
+<p class = "inset">
+<i>This play was produced in London, at the Duke of York’s Theatre, on
+Saturday, February </i>17, 1912<i>; in New York, at the New Lyceum
+Theatre, on Monday, September </i>9, 1912<i>; and in Germany, at the
+Stadttheater in Mainz, on Monday, January </i>13, 1913</p>
+
+</div>
+
+<div class = "null">
+
+<h4 class = "ital"><a name = "cast" id = "cast">
+THE PERSONS OF THE PLAY</a></h4>
+
+<table summary = "cast of characters">
+<tr>
+<td class = "smallcaps" colspan = "2">Viscount Farncombe</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td class = "smallcaps" colspan = "2">Colonel the Hon. Arthur
+Stidulph</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td class = "smallcaps" colspan = "2">Baron von Rettenmayer</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td class = "smallcaps" colspan = "2">Captain Nicholas Jeyes</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td class = "smallcaps" colspan = "2">Lionel Roper</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td class = "smallcaps" colspan = "2">Sam de Castro</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td class = "smallcaps" colspan = "2">Herbert Fulkerson</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td class = "smallcaps" colspan = "2">Stewart Heneage</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td class = "smallcaps" colspan = "2">Gerald Grimwood</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td colspan = "2">
+<p><span class = "smallcaps">Carlton Smythe</span> (<i>Manager of the
+Pandora Theatre</i>)</p>
+</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td width = "50%">
+<p><span class = "smallcaps">Douglas Glynn</span>, <span class =
+"smallcaps">Albert Palk</span>, <span class = "smallcaps">Wilfrid
+Tavish</span>, and <span class = "smallcaps">Sigismund
+Shirley</span></p>
+</td>
+<td class = "bracket small">
+(<i>Actors at the Pandora</i>)
+</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td colspan = "2">
+<p><span class = "smallcaps">Vincent Bland</span> (<i>A Musical
+Composer, attached to the Pandora</i>)</p>
+</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td colspan = "2">
+<p><span class = "smallcaps">Morris Cooling</span> (<i>Business Manager
+at the Pandora</i>)</p>
+</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td colspan = "2">
+<p><span class = "smallcaps">Luigi</span> (<i>Maître d’hôtel at Catani’s
+Restaurant</i>)</p>
+</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td class = "smallcaps" colspan = "2">Waiters</td>
+</tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td colspan = "2">
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<p><span class = "smallcaps">The Hon. Mrs. Arthur Stidulph</span>
+(<i>Formerly, as Dolly Ensor, of the Pandora Theatre</i>)</p></td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td class = "smallcaps">Lily Parradell</td>
+<td class = "bracket tall" rowspan = "10">
+(<i>Of the Pandora</i>)
+</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td class = "smallcaps">Jimmie Birch</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td class = "smallcaps">Gabrielle Kato</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td class = "smallcaps">Enid Moncrieff</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td class = "smallcaps">Daphne Dure</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td class = "smallcaps">Nita Trevenna</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td class = "smallcaps">Flo Connify</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td class = "smallcaps">Sybil Dermott</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td class = "smallcaps">Olga Cook</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td class = "smallcaps">Evangeline Ventris</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td colspan = "2">
+<p><span class = "smallcaps">Mrs. Upjohn</span> (<span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily Parradell’s</span> <i>mother</i>)</p></td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td colspan = "2">
+<p><span class = "smallcaps">Gladys</span> (<span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily’s</span> <i>parlourmaid</i>)</p>
+</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td colspan = "2">
+<p><span class = "smallcaps">Maud</span> (<span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily’s</span> <i>maid</i>)</p>
+</td>
+</tr>
+</table>
+
+<p><i>The action of the piece takes place in London&mdash;at <span class
+= "smallcaps">Lily Parradell’s</span> house in Bloomsbury, in the foyer
+of the Pandora Theatre, and again at <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily’s</span> house.</i></p>
+
+<p><i>The curtain will be lowered for a few moments in the course of the
+Second Act.</i></p>
+
+</div>
+
+<div class = "null">
+
+<p class = "border">
+<i>The following advertisements are to appear conspicuously in the
+programme.</i></p>
+
+<p class = "border">
+MIND THE PAINT (the complete song), words by D’Arcy Wingate, music by
+Vincent Bland, as originally sung by Miss <span class = "smallcaps">Lily
+Parradell</span> at the Pandora Theatre in the Musical Play of “<span
+class = "smallcaps">The Duchess of Brixton</span>,� may be obtained from
+Messrs. Church and Co. (Ltd.), Music Publishers, 181 New Bond
+Street.</p>
+
+<p class = "border">
+<span class = "smallcaps">After the Theatre. Catani’s Restaurant</span>,
+459 Strand. Best <i>cuisine</i> in London. Milanese Band. Private Rooms.
+Urbano Catani, Sole Proprietor. Tel.: 10,337 Gerrard.</p>
+
+</div>
+
+
+<span class = "pagenum">1</span>
+<h2><a name = "play" id = "play">THE “MIND THE PAINT�<br>
+GIRL</a></h2>
+
+<h3 class = "act"><a name = "act1" id = "act1">THE FIRST ACT</a></h3>
+
+<p class = "scenedesc">
+The scene is a drawing-room, prettily but somewhat showily decorated.
+The walls are papered with a design representing large clusters of white
+and purple lilac. The furniture is covered with a chintz of similar
+pattern, and the curtains, carpet, and lamp-shades correspond.</p>
+
+<p class = "scenedesc">
+In the wall facing the spectator are two windows, and midway between the
+windows there is the entrance to a conservatory. The conservatory, which
+is seen beyond, is of the kind that is built out over the portico of a
+front-door, and is plentifully stocked with flowers and hung with a
+velarium and green sun-blinds. In the right-hand wall there is another
+window and, nearer the spectator, a&nbsp;console-table supporting a high
+mirror; and in the wall on the left, opposite the console-table, there
+is a double-door opening into the room, the further half of which only
+is used.</p>
+
+<p class = "scenedesc">
+In the entrance to the conservatory, to the right, there is a low,
+oblong tea-table at which are placed three small chairs; and near-by, on
+the left, are a
+<span class = "pagenum">2</span>
+grand-piano and a music-stool. Against the piano there is a settee, and
+on the extreme left, below the door, there is an arm-chair with a little
+round table beside it. At the right-hand window in the wall at the back
+is another settee, and facing this window and settee there is a smaller
+arm-chair.</p>
+
+<p class = "scenedesc">
+Not far from the fire-place there is a writing-table with a
+telephone-instrument upon it. A&nbsp;chair stands at the writing-table,
+its back to the window in the wall on the right; and in front of the
+table, opposing the settee by the piano, there is a third settee. On the
+left of this settee, almost in the middle of the room, is an arm-chair;
+and closer to the settee, on its right, are two more arm-chairs. Other
+articles of furniture&mdash;a&nbsp;cabinet, “occasional� chairs, etc.,
+etc.&mdash;occupy spaces against the walls.</p>
+
+<p class = "scenedesc">
+On the piano, on the console-table and cabinet, on the settee at the
+back, on the round table, and upon the floor, stand huge baskets of
+flowers, and other handsome floral devices in various forms, with cards
+attached to them; and lying higgledy-piggledy upon the writing-table are
+a heap of small packages, several little cases containing jewellery, and
+a litter of paper and string. The packages and the cases of jewellery
+are also accompanied by cards or letters.</p>
+
+<p class = "scenedesc">
+A fierce sunlight streams down upon the velarium, and through the green
+blinds, in the conservatory.</p>
+
+<p class = "scenedesc">
+<em>[</em>Note: Throughout, “right� and “left� are the spectators’ right
+and left, not the actor’s.<em>]</em></p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Lord Farncombe</span>, his gloves in his hand,
+is
+<span class = "pagenum">3</span>
+seated in the arm-chair in the middle of the room. He is a
+simple-mannered, immaculately dressed young man in his early twenties,
+his bearing and appearance suggesting the soldier. He rises expectantly
+as <span class = "smallcaps">Gladys</span>, a&nbsp;flashy parlourmaid in
+a uniform, shows in <span class = "smallcaps">Lionel Roper</span>,
+a&nbsp;middle-aged individual of the type of the second-class City
+man.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Farncombe</span>.</span> Hul-lo! I’m in luck! Just the chap
+I’m hunting for. <span class = "stagedir">Shaking hands with <span class
+= "smallcaps">Farncombe</span>.</span> How d’ye do, Lord Farncombe?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>How are you, Roper?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Gladys.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Roper</span>,
+languidly.</span> I’ll tell Mrs. Upjohn you’re here.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>Ta. <span class = "stagedir"><span class = "smallcaps">Gladys</span>
+withdraws.</span> Phew, it’s hot!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>Miss Parradell’s out.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Taking off his gloves.</span> She won’t be
+long, I&nbsp;dare say.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>I’ve brought her a few flowers.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">4</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>Have you? I’ve sent her a trifle of jewellery.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Glancing at the writing-table.</span> She
+seems to have received a lot of jewellery.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Bustling across to the table.</span> By
+Jove, doesn’t she! Ah, there’s my brooch!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Modestly.</span> I didn’t consider I’d a
+right to offer her anything but flowers, on so slight an
+acquaintance.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>Exactly; but I’m an old friend, you know. <span class =
+"stagedir">Turning to <span class = "smallcaps">Farncombe</span>.</span>
+Perhaps, by her next birthday&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Smiling.</span> I hope so.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Approaching <span class =
+"smallcaps">Farncombe</span> and taking him by the lapel of his
+coat.</span> What I want to say to you is, doing anything to-night?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>I&mdash;I shall be at the theatre.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">5</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>Oh, we shall all be at the theatre, to shout Many Happy Returns.
+Later, I&nbsp;mean.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>Nothing that I can’t get out of.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>Good. Look here. Smythe is giving her a bit of supper in the foyer
+after the show, a&nbsp;dance on the stage to follow. About
+five-and-twenty people. ’Ull you come?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>If Mr. Smythe is kind enough to ask me&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>He <i>does</i> ask you, through me. He’s left all the arrangements to
+me and Morrie Cooling. Carlton never did anything in his life; <i>I</i>
+egged him on to this. I’ve been sweating at it since eleven o’clock this
+morning. Haven’t been near the City; not near it. Well?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">His eyes glowing.</span> I shall be
+delighted.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>Splendid. Been trying to get on to you all day. I’ve called twice at
+your club and at St. James’s Place.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>Sorry you’ve had so much trouble.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">6</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Dropping on to the settee in front of the
+writing-table and wiping his brow.</span> There’ll be the Baron, Sam de
+Castro, Bertie Fulkerson, Stew Heneage, Jerry Grimwood, Dwarf Kennedy,
+Colonel and Mrs. Stidulph&mdash;Dolly Ensor that was&mdash;and
+ourselves, besides Cooling and Vincent Bland and the pick o’ the
+Company. Catani does the food and drink. I&nbsp;don’t believe I’ve
+forgotten a single thing. <span class = "stagedir">With a change of
+tone, pointing to the arm-chair in the middle of the room.</span> Sit
+down a minute. <span class = "stagedir"><span class =
+"smallcaps">Farncombe</span> sits and <span class =
+"smallcaps">Roper</span> edges nearer to him.</span> Are you going to
+wait to see Lily this afternoon?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>I&mdash;I should like to.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>Because if Jeyes should happen to drop in while you’re
+here&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>Captain Jeyes?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>Nicko Jeyes&mdash;or if you knock up against him to-night at the
+theatre&mdash;mum about this.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>About the supper?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Nodding.</span> Um. We don’t want Nicko
+Jeyes; we simply don’t want him. And if he heard that you
+<span class = "pagenum">7</span>
+and some of the boys are coming, he might wonder why <i>he</i> isn’t
+included.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>He strikes me as being rather a surly, ill-conditioned person.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>A regular loafer.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>He appears to live at Catani’s. I never go there without meeting
+him.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>Exactly. Catani’s and a top, back bedroom in Jermyn Street, and
+hanging about the Pandora; that’s Nicko Jeyes’s life.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><i>He’s</i> an old friend of Mrs. Upjohn’s and Miss Parradell’s too,
+isn’t he?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Evasively.</span> Known ’em some time.
+That’s <i>it</i>; Lily’s so faithful to her old friends.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Smiling.</span> <i>You</i> oughtn’t to
+complain of that.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>Oh, but I’m a <i>real</i> friend. I’ve always been a patron of the
+musical drama&mdash;it’s my fad; and I’ve kept an eye on Lily from the
+moment she sprang into prominence&mdash; <span class =
+"stagedir">singing</span> “Mind the paint! Mind the paint!�
+<span class = "pagenum">8</span>
+&mdash;looked after her like a father. Uncle Lal she calls me. <span
+class = "stagedir">Reassuringly.</span> I’m a married man, you know;
+<span class = "stagedir"><span class = "smallcaps">Farncombe</span>
+nods</span> but the wife has plenty to occupy her with the kids and she
+leaves the drama to me. She prefers Bexhill. <span class =
+"stagedir">Leaning forward and speaking with great earnestness.</span>
+Farncombe, what a charming creature!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Innocently.</span> Mrs. Roper?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>No, no, no; Lily. <span class = "stagedir">Hastily.</span> Oh, and
+so’s my missus, for that matter, when she chooses. But Lily
+Upjohn&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">In a low voice.</span> Beautiful; perfectly
+beautiful.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>Yes, and as good as she’s beautiful; you take it from me. <span class
+= "stagedir">With a wave of the hand.</span> Well, if you see Jeyes, you
+won’t&mdash;&mdash;?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>Not a word.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Rising and walking away to the left.</span>
+I’ve warned the others. <span class = "stagedir">Returning to <span
+class = "smallcaps">Farncombe</span> who has also risen.</span>
+By-the-bye, if Lily should mention the supper in the course of
+conversation, remember, <i>she’s</i> not in the conspiracy.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>Conspiracy?</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">9</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>To shunt Nicko. We’re letting her think there are to be no
+outsiders.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Becoming slightly puzzled by <span class =
+"smallcaps">Roper’s</span> manner.</span> Why, would she very much like
+Captain Jeyes to be asked?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Rather impatiently.</span> Haven’t I told
+you, once you’re a friend of Lil’s&mdash;&mdash;! <span class =
+"stagedir">Looking towards the door.</span> Is this Ma? <span class =
+"stagedir"><span class = "smallcaps">Mrs. Upjohn</span> enters.</span>
+Hul-lo, Ma!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">A podgy little, gaily dressed woman of
+five-and-fifty with a stupid, good-humoured face.</span> ’Ullo,
+Uncle!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>Lord Farncombe&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Advancing and shaking hands with <span class
+= "smallcaps">Farncombe</span>.</span> Glad to see you ’ere again. You
+<i>’ave</i> been before, ’aven’t you?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>Last week.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>Of course; you came with Mr. Bertie Fulkerson. But somebody or
+other’s always poppin’ in. <span class = "stagedir">Pleasantly.</span>
+Lil sees too many, <i>I</i> say. It’s tirin’ for ’er. Won’t you set?</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">10</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>Lord Farncombe’s brought Lily some flowers, Ma. <span class =
+"stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Farncombe</span>.</span> Where
+are they?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Who, after waiting for <span class =
+"smallcaps">Mrs. Upjohn</span> to settle herself upon the settee in
+front of the writing-table, sits in the chair at the end of the
+settee&mdash;pointing to a large basket of flowers.</span> On the
+piano.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Barely glancing at the flowers.</span> ’Ow
+kind of ’im! Sech a waste o’ money too! They do go off so quick.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Reading the cards attached to the various
+floral gifts.</span> Where <i>is</i> Lil?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>She’s settin’ to a risin’ young artist in Fitzroy Street&mdash;Claude
+Morgan. She won’t be ’ome till past five. So tirin’ for ’er.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>Never heard of Morgan.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>No, nor anybody else. That’s what I tell ’er. Why waste your time
+givin’ settin’s to a risin’ young artist when the big men ’ud go down on
+their ’ands and knees to do you? But that’s Lil all over. She’s the
+best-natured girl in the world, and so she gets imposed on all
+round.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">11</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Gallantly.</span> I prophesy that <ins class
+= "correction" title = "text has comma for period">Mr.&nbsp;</ins>Morgan’s picture of Miss Parradell won’t have
+dried before he’s quite famous.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Turning a pair of dull eyes full upon
+him.</span> ’Ow do you mean?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Disconcerted.</span> Er&mdash;I
+mean&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><i>Why</i> won’t it ’ave dried?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>I mean he will have become celebrated <i>before</i> it has dried.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>’Is pictures never do dry, you mean?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>No, no, Ma!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>’Owever, it doesn’t matter. ’E isn’t even goin’ to put ’er name to
+it.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>Why not?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>You may well ask. ’E’s bent on callin’ it “The ‘Mind the Paint’
+Girl.�</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">12</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>What’s wrong with that? Everybody’ll recognise who <i>that</i>
+is.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Unconvinced.</span> ’Er name’s printed on
+all ’er photos.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>The first time I had the pleasure of seeing your daughter on the
+stage, Mrs. Upjohn, a&nbsp;man next to me said, “Here comes the ‘Mind
+the Paint’ girl.�</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Cheering up.</span> Oh, well, p’r’aps young
+Morgan knows ’is own business best. Let’s ’ope so, at any rate.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">By the tea-table, beckoning to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Farncombe</span>.</span> Farncombe&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Roper</span>.</span> Eh? <span class = "stagedir">To <span
+class = "smallcaps">Mrs. Upjohn</span>, rising.</span> Excuse me.</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Farncombe</span> joins <span class =
+"smallcaps">Roper</span>, whereupon <span class = "smallcaps">Mrs.
+Upjohn</span> goes to the writing-table and, seating herself there,
+examines the jewellery delightedly.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Farncombe</span>, in a whisper.</span> Do me a favour.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>Certainly.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">13</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Looking at his watch.</span> It’s only
+half-past four. Take a turn round the Square. I’ve some business to talk
+over with the old lady.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Nodding to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Roper</span> and then coming forward and addressing <span
+class = "smallcaps">Mrs. Upjohn</span>.</span>
+I&mdash;er&mdash;I&nbsp;think I’ll go for a little walk and come back
+later on, if I may.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Contentedly.</span> Oh, jest as you
+like.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Moving towards the door.</span> In about a
+quarter-of-an-hour.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>If we don’t see you again, I’ll tell Lil you’ve been ’ere.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">At the door.</span> Oh, but you will; you
+<i>will</i> see me again.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>Well, please yourself and you please your dearest friend, as Lil’s
+dad used to say.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>Thank you&mdash;thank you very much.</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+He disappears, closing the door after him.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">14</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Roper</span>,
+looking up.</span> I&nbsp;b’lieve you gave that young man the ’int to
+go, Uncle.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>I did; told him I wanted to talk business with you.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>Business? <span class = "stagedir">Resuming her inspection of the
+trinkets.</span> This is a ’andsome thing Mr. Grimwood’s sent ’er.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">His hands in his trouser-pockets,
+contemplating <span class = "smallcaps">Mrs. Upjohn</span>
+desperately.</span> Upon my soul, Ma, you’re a champion!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><i>Now</i> wot ’ave I done!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>Well, you might spread yourself a little over young Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>Spread myself! Why should I?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>Lord Farncombe!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>I treat ’em all alike; so does Lil. ’E’s not the first title we’ve
+’ad ’ere, not by a dozen.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">15</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>No, but damn it all&mdash;! I beg your pardon&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Beaming.</span> So you ought&mdash;swearin’
+like a trooper.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><i>This</i> chap’s in love with her.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>Oh, they’re all in love with ’er; or <i>’ave</i> been, one time or
+another.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>Yes, but they’re not all Farncombes and they’re not all marrying men.
+I’m prepared to bet my boots that if Lil and young Farncombe could be
+thrown together&mdash;&mdash;! <span class = "stagedir">Sitting on the
+settee in front of the writing-table as <span class = "smallcaps">Mrs.
+Upjohn</span> rises and comes forward.</span> Here! Do talk it over.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Placidly.</span> Where’s the use o’ talkin’
+it over? It’s wastin’ one’s breath. <span class = "stagedir">Moving to
+the settee by the piano.</span> My Lil doesn’t want to
+marry&mdash;any’ow not yet awhile; she’s ’appy and contented as she is.
+<span class = "stagedir">Sitting and smoothing out her skirt.</span>
+When she does, I&nbsp;s’pose it’ll be the Captain.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Between his teeth.</span> The Captain! <span
+class = "stagedir">Quietly.</span> Ma, the day Lil marries Nicko Jeyes,
+you and she’ll see the last o’ <i>me</i>.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">16</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>Oh, don’t say that, Uncle.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>I do say it. The disappointment ’ud be more than I could stand.
+Selfish, designing beggar!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>Now, no low abuse.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>A fellow who gets on the soft side of Lil before she’s out of her
+teens&mdash;before she’s made any position to speak of; and when she
+<i>has</i> made a position, and <i>he’s</i> practically on his uppers,
+sticks to her like a limpet!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>She sticks to ’im, too. It meant a deal to Lil in ’er ’umble days,
+reck’lect&mdash;receivin’ attentions from a gentleman in the army. She
+doesn’t forget that.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Jumping up and walking about.</span> It’s
+cruel; that’s what it is&mdash;it’s cruel. Here’s Gwennie Harker and
+Maidie Trevail both married to peers’ sons, and Eva Shafto to a
+baronet&mdash;all of ’em Pandora girls; and Lil&mdash;<i>she’s</i> left
+high and dry, engaged to a nobody! It’s cruel!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>She’s not ackshally engaged.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">17</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>Ho, ho!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>The ideer was, when ’e shirked goin’ to India an’ gave up soldierin’,
+so as to be near ’er, that ’e should get something to do in London;
+<i>then</i> they were to be engaged.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Sarcastically.</span> Oh, to be just,
+I&nbsp;admit he’s in no hurry. He’s been a whole year looking for
+something to do in London&mdash;looking for it at Catani’s and at the
+Pandora bars!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>’E <i>’as</i> to be on the spot at night, to bring Lil ’ome after ’er
+work.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>Exactly! And when a decent, eligible young chap comes along, and
+means business, he’s choked off by finding Nicko Jeyes in possession.
+<span class = "stagedir">Stopping before <span class = "smallcaps">Mrs.
+Upjohn</span>.</span> But, I&nbsp;say!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>Wot?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><i>Farncombe</i> hasn’t tumbled to it yet.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Indifferently.</span> ’Asn’t ’e?</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">18</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>Bertie Fulkerson’s held his tongue about it; so have the other boys
+who’re friends of Farncombe’s. <i>They</i> see he’s hard hit. <span
+class = "stagedir">Enthusiastically.</span> Oh, they’re good boys;
+they’re good, loyal boys! There’s not one of them who wouldn’t throw up
+his hat if Nicko got the chuck. <span class =
+"stagedir">Suddenly.</span> Ma!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Startled.</span> Hey?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Dropping his voice.</span> This little spree
+to-night at the theatre&mdash;Lil thinks it’s to be merely among the
+members of the Company.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>Ain’t it?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Sitting beside her.</span> You keep quiet,
+now. No, it isn’t.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>’Oo&mdash;&mdash;?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>The boys&mdash;and Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Disturbed.</span> Gracious! There’ll be an
+awful fuss with the Captain to-morrer.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Snapping his fingers.</span> Pishhh!</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">19</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Rising and walking away to the right.</span>
+’E’s so ’orribly jealous. When Lil tells ’im ’oo was at the party,
+there’ll be a frightful kick-up!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Falling into despondency.</span> Oh, I dare
+say I’m a fool for my pains, Ma. Nothing’ll come of it. <span class =
+"stagedir">Rising and pacing the room again.</span> Farncombe’s as shy
+as a school-girl; he’d be on a desert island with a pretty woman for a
+month without squeezing her hand.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">In an altered tone.</span> Uncle.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>Hullo!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Thoughtfully.</span> <i>I</i> shouldn’t
+raise any objection, bear in mind, if Lil could be weaned away from the
+Captain and took a fancy to young Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>Objection!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Sitting on the settee in front of the
+writing-table.</span> All said an’ done, to be Lady&nbsp;F., with no
+need to work if you’re not disposed to, is better than bein’ Mrs.
+Captain Jeyes an’ ’avin’ to linger on the stage, p’r’aps, till you drop,
+to ’elp keep the pot a’ boilin’. <span class = "stagedir">Opening her
+eyes widely.</span> Lady&nbsp;F.!</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">20</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Coming to her.</span> And Countess of
+Godalming when his father dies.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>I s’pose there’d be any amount of unpleasantness with the fam’ly?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Disdainfully.</span> The family!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>There’s generally a rumpus in sech cases.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>Why, Ma, these tiptop families ought to feel jolly grateful that
+we’re mixing the breed for them a bit. Look at the two lads who’ve
+married Gwennie Harker and Maidie Trevail&mdash;Kinterton and Glenroy;
+and Fawcus&mdash;Sir George Fawcus&mdash;Eva Shafto’s husband; they
+haven’t a chin or a forehead between ’em, and their chests are as narrow
+as a ten-inch plank.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>Quite true.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>Farncombe himself, <i>he’s</i> inclined to be weedy. I&nbsp;maintain
+it’s a grand thing for our English nobs that their slips of sons have
+taken to marrying young women of the stamp of Maidie Trevail and Gwennie
+Harker&mdash;or Lil; keen-witted young women full of the joy of life,
+with strong frames, beautiful hair and fine eyes, and healthy pink gums
+and big white teeth.
+<span class = "pagenum">21</span>
+Sneer at the Pandora girls! Great Scot, it’s my belief that the Pandora
+girls’ll be the salvation of the aristocracy in this country in the long
+run!</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Captain Nicholas Jeyes</span> lounges in. He
+is a man of about five-and-thirty, already slightly grey-haired, who has
+gone to seed. <span class = "smallcaps">Roper</span> sits in the chair
+in the middle of the room rather guiltily and <span class =
+"smallcaps">Mrs. Upjohn</span> puts on a propitiatory grin.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Nodding to <span class = "smallcaps">Mrs.
+Upjohn</span> and <span class = "smallcaps">Roper</span> as he closes
+the door.</span> Afternoon, Mrs. Upjohn. How’r’you, Roper?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>Ah, Captain!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>Hullo, Nicko!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Advancing.</span> Lily not in?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>No; she’s in Fitzroy Street, settin’ to Morgan.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Frowning.</span> Why didn’t she ask me to go
+with her?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>Dun’no, I’m sure. She’s took Miss Birch.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">With a grunt.</span> Oh? <span class =
+"stagedir">Looking round.</span> Flowers.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">22</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>’Eaps of ’em, ain’t there?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Jerking his head towards the
+writing-table.</span> Yes, and some nice presents over here.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>She’s beat ’er record this year, Lil ’as, out an’ out.</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Jeyes</span> goes to the writing-table and
+<span class = "smallcaps">Roper</span> and <span class =
+"smallcaps">Mrs. Upjohn</span> rise and wander away, the former to the
+conservatory, the latter to the settee by the piano.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Scowling at the presents.</span> Very nice.
+<span class = "stagedir">Picking up a case of jewellery.</span> Ve-ry
+nice. <span class = "stagedir">Throwing the case down angrily.</span>
+Confound ’em, what the devil do they take her for!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">At the entrance to the conservatory.</span>
+I&nbsp;may remark that one of those gifts is from <i>me</i>, Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>Oh, I’m not alluding to <i>you</i>.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Stiffly.</span> Much obliged.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Coming forward and addressing <span class =
+"smallcaps">Mrs. Upjohn</span>.</span>
+<span class = "pagenum">23</span>
+I’ve called in to ask Lily whether she’ll come out to supper with me
+to-night, to Catani’s, to celebrate her birthday. Luigi’s decorating a
+table for me specially. Mr. and Mrs. Linthorne’ll come, and Jack
+Wethered. <span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Roper</span>.</span> Are you free, Roper? <span class =
+"stagedir"><span class = "smallcaps">Mrs. Upjohn</span> sits uneasily on
+the settee by the piano and <span class = "smallcaps">Roper</span> finds
+some object to interest him near the tea-table.</span> I&nbsp;suppose
+it’s no good asking <i>you</i>, Mrs. Upjohn?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>N-n-o, thank you, Captain, and <ins class = "correction" title =
+"changed from “I I-I’m� to match all others">I&mdash;I’m</ins>
+afraid&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>Afraid&mdash;&mdash;?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>I’m afraid Lil can’t manage it either.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>Why not?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>I&mdash;I’m surprised she didn’t mention it to you ’erself when you
+brought ’er ’ome last night.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>Mention what?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>They’re givin’ ’er a supper to-night at the theatre.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>The theatre?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Advancing.</span> Yes, Carlton’s standing a
+little spread
+<span class = "pagenum">24</span>
+in the foyer, in honour of the occasion. <span class =
+"stagedir">Sitting at the tea-table.</span> Quite right too; she’s
+<i>his</i> best asset, and chance it.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>When was it fixed up?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>Late last night.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>The fact is, Lily and I had a slight tiff coming home last night.
+<span class = "stagedir">Sitting on the settee in front of the
+writing-table.</span> Ha! I&nbsp;suppose she kept it from me to pay me
+out. <span class = "stagedir">Sharply.</span> Who’s invited?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>Er&mdash;only the principal members of the Company,
+I&nbsp;understand.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Moistening her lips with her tongue.</span>
+Yes, only the members of the Company, Lil says.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>With Morrie Cooling and Vincent Bland thrown in.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Looking at <span class =
+"smallcaps">Roper</span>.</span> <i>You</i> seem to know a lot about it,
+Roper.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>I was behind when Morrie was going round to the dressing-rooms.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">25</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Roper</span>,
+suspiciously.</span> Are <i>you</i> asked?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Taken aback.</span> E&mdash;eh?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>Are <i>you</i> asked?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">With an attempt at airiness.</span> Oh, yes,
+they’ve dragged me into it.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>Since when have <i>you</i> been a member of the Company?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>No, but&mdash;dash it, I’ve done business for Carlton in the City for
+twenty years or more&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>That doesn’t make you one.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>And I’m an old friend of Lil’s.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>Not older than I. <span class = "stagedir">Violently.</span> Why the
+blazes doesn’t Smythe invite <i>me</i>?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Extending his arms.</span> My dear Nicko,
+<i>I’m</i> not
+<span class = "pagenum">26</span>
+giving the party. Really, you do jump down a man’s
+throat&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>Sorry, sorry, sorry. <span class = "stagedir">Leaning back and
+thrusting his hands into his pocket.</span> Well, I’ll put Jack and the
+Linthornes off. They don’t want to sup with <i>me</i>; I&nbsp;shouldn’t
+amuse ’em. <span class = "stagedir">Gazing at the carpet.</span> Her
+birthday, though! It’ll be the first time I shall have been out of
+<i>that</i> for&mdash;how many years?&mdash;six years. I&mdash;&mdash;
+<span class = "stagedir">Raising his head, he detects <span class =
+"smallcaps">Mrs. Upjohn</span> and <span class =
+"smallcaps">Roper</span> eyeing each other uncomfortably.</span>
+Anything the matter?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>T-t-the matter?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Taking his hands from his pockets and
+sitting upright.</span> Any game on?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>Game?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>At my expense?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>I dun’no wot you’re drivin’ at, Captain.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Harshly.</span> How long’s Lily sitting this
+afternoon?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>Till five.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">27</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Looking at his watch.</span> What’s Morgan’s
+number in Fitzroy Street?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>Sixty.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Rising.</span> I’ll fetch her.</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+As he makes a movement towards the door, it is thrown open and <span
+class = "smallcaps">Lily Parradell</span> enters with a rush&mdash;an
+entrancing vision of youth, grace, and beauty. She is followed by <span
+class = "smallcaps">Jimmie Birch</span>, a <em>petite</em>, bright-eyed
+girl in an extremely <em>chic</em> costume.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Tearing off her gloves as she enters.</span>
+Wh-e-e-w! I’m dead! <span class = "stagedir">Giving her hand to <span
+class = "smallcaps">Jeyes</span> carelessly.</span> Ah, Nicko! <span
+class = "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Mrs.
+Upjohn</span>.</span> I&nbsp;couldn’t stand the heat in the studio any
+longer, mother. <span class = "stagedir">Finding <span class =
+"smallcaps">Roper</span> beside her, she offers her cheek to him and he
+kisses it.</span> <i>Mon Oncle!</i></p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Closing the door.</span> That young man
+Morgan ought to paint the infernal regions.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Taking her scarf from her shoulder.</span>
+He might finish with the angels first, though. <span class =
+"stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Jeyes</span>, softly, as <span
+class = "smallcaps">Roper</span> turns to shake hands with <span class =
+"smallcaps">Jimmie</span>.</span> You in a better temper to-day?</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">28</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">In her ear.</span> You drove me wild last
+night.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Making a face at him.</span> Served you
+right. <span class = "stagedir">Passing him.</span> For God’s sake, let
+me lie down. <span class = "stagedir">She throws herself upon the settee
+in front of the writing-table, and <span class =
+"smallcaps">Jeyes</span> moves away as <span class = "smallcaps">Mrs.
+Upjohn</span> and <span class = "smallcaps">Roper</span> go to
+her.</span> Don’t come near me. Give me my fan. Jimmie, where’s my
+fan?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p>Oh, I’ve left it in Fitzroy Street!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Beast!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Hurrying to the writing-table.</span>
+There’s one ’ere, among your presents.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Unpinning her hat.</span> Uncle Lal, what an
+adorable ring that is you’ve sent me!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Taking the fan from <span class =
+"smallcaps">Mrs. Upjohn</span>.</span> Ring! A&nbsp;brooch!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><i>Somebody’s</i> sent me a ring.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">29</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Sitting in the chair at the end of the
+settee by the writing-table.</span> There’s three rings.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Of course! One of them’s from Nicko! <span class = "stagedir">To
+<span class = "smallcaps">Jeyes</span>.</span> Did you get my sweet
+telegram, Nicko?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Who has greeted <span class =
+"smallcaps">Jimmie</span> and is now seated in the chair on the extreme
+left&mdash;sulkily.</span> I&nbsp;had your telegram, but it’s a
+<i>pendant</i> I sent you.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Sitting upon the settee by the piano and
+pulling off her gloves.</span> Ha, ha, ha!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>You shut up, Jimmie. <span class = "stagedir">Snatching the fan from
+<span class = "smallcaps">Roper</span>.</span> How on earth am I to
+remember! <span class = "stagedir">Fanning herself.</span> Who’s given
+me <i>this</i> pretty thing?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>Mr. Monty Levine.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Bless him! He’s a dear little man, though he does bite his nails.
+<span class = "stagedir"><span class = "smallcaps">Gladys</span> appears
+with <span class = "smallcaps">Vincent Bland</span>, who saunters in
+after her. Seeing <span class = "smallcaps">Lily</span>, <span class =
+"smallcaps">Gladys</span> advances to her.</span> Hallo, Vincent!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Bland.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">A thin, delicate looking man of
+eight-and-thirty, not
+<span class = "pagenum">30</span>
+over smartly dressed, wearing an eye-glass&mdash;nodding to <span class
+= "smallcaps">Lily</span> casually.</span> You needn’t have cut me,
+almost on your door-step. <span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Jimmie</span> and <span class =
+"smallcaps">Jeyes</span>.</span> H’lo, Jimmie! H’lo, Nicko!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Gladys.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Viewing <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span> with an elevation of the brows.</span> Oh, are
+you home?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Returning <span class =
+"smallcaps">Gladys’s</span> stare.</span> Apparently.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Gladys.</p>
+
+<p>I’ll whistle up to Maud.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Don’t, if it’s too severe a strain on you.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Gladys</span>,
+as the girl moves to the door.</span> Gladys, we’ll ’ave tea.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Gladys.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">At the door.</span> You can’t till it’s
+ready.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Calmly.</span> Cheek!</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Gladys</span> retires.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Bland.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Who has strolled across to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span>, indolently.</span> Why do you retain the
+services of that tousled-headed hussy?</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">31</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">With conviction.</span> Oh, she’s a little
+under the weather, but she’s a perfect servant.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Bland.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Mrs.
+Upjohn</span>.</span> Ma, you look blooming.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>Wish I could return the compliment, Mr. Bland.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Bland.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Roper</span>,
+who is wearing a waistcoat of rather a pronounced pattern.</span>
+Congratulations on your waistcoat, Lal.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Joining <span class =
+"smallcaps">Jimmie</span>, annoyed.</span> Now, no personalities.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Giving <span class =
+"smallcaps">Bland</span> her hand.</span> Vincent, yours is one of the
+loveliest presents I’ve had to-day. <i>Remerciement!</i> How’s that for
+a French accent?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Bland.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Dropping his eyeglass.</span> You cat!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Why&mdash;&mdash;?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Bland.</p>
+
+<p>You know I’ve given you nothing, not even a penny nosegay.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">32</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p>Ha, ha, ha!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Raising herself on her elbow.</span> On my
+honour&mdash;! Vincent dear, I&nbsp;swear I thought&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Bland.</p>
+
+<p>The funds are too low. <span class = "stagedir">Replacing his
+eyeglass.</span> I&nbsp;did go so far as to price a bangle at Sellby’s,
+but that was before a certain event yesterday.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p>What horses did you back, Vincent? I won a fiver, through Jerry
+Grimwood.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Bland</span>.</span> You <i>are</i> a patent ass. Why don’t
+you leave betting alone?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Bland.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Roper</span>,
+flaring up.</span> Why don’t you leave your City muck alone?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Putting her feet to the floor,
+imperiously.</span> That’ll do. Be quiet, you two! I&nbsp;won’t have any
+wrangling in my house. Run away and play, all of you. I&nbsp;want to
+speak to Vincent for a minute privately. <span class = "stagedir">With a
+gesture.</span> Uncle Lal&mdash;Jimmie&mdash;Nicko&mdash; <span class =
+"stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Mrs. Upjohn</span>.</span>
+Scoot, mother!</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">33</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>Oh, dear, wot a child!</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Roper</span>, <span class =
+"smallcaps">Jimmie</span>, <span class = "smallcaps">Jeyes</span>, and
+<span class = "smallcaps">Mrs. Upjohn</span> move away and <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span> beckons to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Bland</span>.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Vin.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Bland.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Close to her, with a wry face.</span>
+Mercy!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">In a low voice.</span> You’ve broken your
+word to me, then? <span class = "stagedir">Through her teeth.</span>
+Those damned horses!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Bland.</p>
+
+<p>Cooling had a tip from the stable&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Cooling! Morrie Cooling has no children; only a fat wife. You’ve a
+darling little wife and three kiddies. How much did you drop
+yesterday?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Bland.</p>
+
+<p>Shan’t say.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Rising and touching his arm.</span> Oh,
+Vincent!</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+She looks round, to assure herself that she is unobserved. <span class =
+"smallcaps">Mrs. Upjohn</span> and <span class =
+"smallcaps">Roper</span> are seated at the tea-table with their heads
+together, talking; <span class = "smallcaps">Jimmie</span> is at the
+piano, fingering out a piece of music; <span class =
+"smallcaps">Jeyes</span> is half hidden in the arm-chair facing the
+<span class = "pagenum">34</span>
+settee at the back. <span class = "smallcaps">Lily</span> tiptoes to the
+writing-table and seats herself there as <span class =
+"smallcaps">Gladys</span> reappears showing in the <span class =
+"smallcaps">Baron von Rettenmayer</span>.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">A tall, fair young man of three-and-thirty,
+speaking in thick, guttural tones&mdash;advancing to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span>.</span> Aha, goddess! <span class =
+"stagedir">Gladys withdraws.</span> Many habby returns of the day!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>H’sh! I’m busy for a moment, Baron.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span>&mdash;shaking hands with <span class =
+"smallcaps">Bland</span>.</span> A&nbsp;thousand bardons.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Talk to mother and Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p>With bleasure. <span class = "stagedir">Going to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Mrs. Upjohn</span> and <span class =
+"smallcaps">Roper</span> and shaking hands with them.</span> How are
+you, my dear Ma? How are you, Jimmie? <span class = "stagedir">Waving a
+hand to <span class = "smallcaps">Roper</span> and <span class =
+"smallcaps">Jeyes</span>.</span> My dear Rober! My dear Neegolas!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Von
+Rettenmayer</span>, mimicking him.</span> Rober! Neegolas! Why don’t
+they provide you with throat lozenges at the Embassy, Baron?</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Von Rettenmayer</span> laughs. <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span> has quickly opened a drawer in the writing-table
+and produced a cheque-book. After another
+<span class = "pagenum">35</span>
+glance over her shoulder, she sweeps the presents aside and writes. Then
+she replaces the cheque-book, rises, and returns to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Bland</span>. Again there is a loud guffaw from <span class
+= "smallcaps">Von Rettenmayer</span> in response to some sally of <span
+class = "smallcaps">Jimmie’s</span>.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Bland</span>,
+folding a cheque and slipping it into his hand.</span>
+Promise&mdash;promise you won’t make another bet.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Bland.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Unfolding the cheque.</span> Your
+cheque?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Hastily.</span> Put it in your pocket.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Bland.</p>
+
+<p>A blank one.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">In a whisper.</span> Don’t fill it in for
+more than you can help. <i>I’m</i> not over flush.</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+He deliberately tears the cheque into four pieces and, looking at her
+steadily, puts them into his waistcoat-pocket.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Bland.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">As he does so.</span> I’ll keep those, Lil,
+for as long as I keep anything.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Hotly.</span> You fool, Vincent!</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">36</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Bland.</p>
+
+<p>My dear, as if&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Such ridiculous pride! <span class = "stagedir">Stamping her
+foot.</span> Lord, what I owe to you!</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Gladys</span> enters with <span class =
+"smallcaps">Sam de Castro</span>. <span class =
+"smallcaps">Gladys</span> is carrying a lace-edged table-cloth which,
+assisted by <span class = "smallcaps">Mrs. Upjohn</span>, she proceeds
+to lay upon the tea-table.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Bland.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Moving away to join the others&mdash;to
+<span class = "smallcaps">De Castro</span>.</span> Ha, Sam!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">De Castro.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">A stout, coarse, but genial-looking
+gentleman of forty, of marked Jewish appearance, speaking with a
+lisp&mdash;shaking hands with <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span>.</span> How are you to-day, Lil? Many happy
+returnth, wunth more.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Thanks, dear old boy. <span class = "stagedir">Sitting on the settee
+in front of the writing-table.</span> Did I send you a wire this
+morning?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">De Castro.</p>
+
+<p>Not you; not a thix-pen’north.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>I ought to have done so, to acknowledge your&mdash;what was it?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">De Castro.</p>
+
+<p>A ring&mdash;diamondth and thapphires.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">37</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Ah, yes; beautiful.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">De Castro.</p>
+
+<p>It <i>ith</i> rather a nithe ring. <span class = "stagedir">Lowering
+his voice.</span> But I thay.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>What?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">De Castro.</p>
+
+<p>Mind you don’t go and tell Gabth, on any account.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">With a great assumption of ignorance,
+raising her eyebrows.</span> Gabs?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">De Castro.</p>
+
+<p>Gabrielle&mdash;Mith Kato.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Why shouldn’t I?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">De Castro.</p>
+
+<p>Nonsenth; <i>you</i> know very well. <span class =
+"stagedir">Urgently.</span> You won’t, will you?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Shrugging her shoulders.</span> I won’t if I
+remember not to.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">De Castro.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Alarmed.</span> Ah, now, don’t be thtupid!
+Whath the good o’ making mithchief! <span class = "stagedir"><span class
+= "smallcaps">Lily</span> shows him the tip of her tongue.</span> Oh,
+Lil! <span class = "stagedir"><span class = "smallcaps">Gladys</span>
+goes out.</span> Lil&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">38</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Leaving the group at the back and putting an
+arm round <span class = "smallcaps">De Castro’s</span> shoulder.</span>
+My dear friend Zam!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">De Castro.</p>
+
+<p>How are you, Baron? <span class = "stagedir">Going to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Mrs. Upjohn</span>.</span> Afthernoon, Ma! <span class =
+"stagedir">Nodding to <span class = "smallcaps">Jimmie</span> and <span
+class = "smallcaps">Roper</span>.</span> Afthernoon, everybody! <span
+class = "stagedir">Shaking hands with <span class =
+"smallcaps">Jeyes</span>, who has risen and now joins the group.</span>
+How are you, Nicko?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Giving her hand to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Von Rettenmayer</span>.</span> Excuse me for cutting you
+short when you came in. Thanks for your splendid present. I&nbsp;did
+send you a wire, didn’t I?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Kissing her hand and bowing over it.</span>
+I&nbsp;shall breserve it, with a few oder souvenirs, till the end of my
+life.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Withdrawing her hand and blowing the
+compliment away.</span> Phew! Lal, lal, lal, la!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">In an altered tone, after a cautious look
+round.</span> Goddess.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Eh?</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">39</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Anxiously.</span> My drifling liddle
+offering&mdash;I&nbsp;endreat you not to mention it to Enid.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Laughing heartily.</span> Ha, ha, ha, ha!
+Another of you!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p>The gharming Miss Mongreiff.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Seriously.</span> Baron, I wish you boys
+wouldn’t make me presents and then ask me to keep them a secret from the
+other girls.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p>And I&mdash;I wish it were not nezezzary. But, goddess, you are alzo
+a young lady of the world&mdash;you know what women are.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>H’m! I know what you men are.</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Maud</span>, a buxom young woman with a
+good-tempered face, dressed as a lady’s-maid, enters quickly, tying her
+apron, and runs to <span class = "smallcaps">Lily</span>. <span class =
+"smallcaps">Jeyes</span> comes to the further side of the writing-table
+and <span class = "smallcaps">Von Rettenmayer</span> now joins him
+there. <span class = "smallcaps">Jimmie Birch</span> also comes forward,
+accompanied by <span class = "smallcaps">De Castro</span>.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Maud.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span>.</span> Here, give me your things. <span class =
+"stagedir"><span class = "smallcaps">Lily</span> tosses
+<span class = "pagenum">40</span>
+her hat, scarf, and gloves to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Maud</span>.</span> I&nbsp;was in my room, having a lie
+down. Is my hair untidy?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>I’ve never seen it anything else.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Maud.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Merrily.</span> Ha, ha, ha! <span class =
+"stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Jimmie</span> and <span class =
+"smallcaps">De Castro</span>.</span> Afternoon, Miss Jimmie. Afternoon,
+Mr. de Castro. <span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span>.</span> Now, don’t let them all tire you to
+death, there’s a pet.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Oh, clear out. <span class = "stagedir">As <span class =
+"smallcaps">Maud</span> is departing.</span> Hi! <span class =
+"stagedir">Rising and kicking off her shoes and sending them in <span
+class = "smallcaps">Maud’s</span> direction.</span> Fetch me a pair of
+slippers.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Maud.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Picking up the shoes and chuckling.</span>
+He, he, he!</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+When <span class = "smallcaps">Maud</span> reaches the door, which she
+has left open, <span class = "smallcaps">Gladys</span> appears with the
+tea-tray and with <span class = "smallcaps">Farncombe</span> at her
+heels.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Gladys.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Maud</span>, in
+a low voice, witheringly.</span> Oh, you’re doing something, are
+you?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Maud.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">In the same tone, passing <span class =
+"smallcaps">Gladys</span>.</span> Yes, setting you an example, my girl.
+<span class = "stagedir">Encountering <span class =
+"smallcaps">Farncombe</span>.</span> Beg pardon.</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Maud</span> withdraws, closing the door, and
+<span class = "smallcaps">Farncombe</span> stands looking at <span class
+= "smallcaps">Lily</span>, who is talking
+<span class = "pagenum">41</span>
+to <span class = "smallcaps">Jimmie</span>. <span class =
+"smallcaps">Gladys</span> carries the tray to the tea-table.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Become aware of <span class =
+"smallcaps">Farncombe’s</span> presence and nodding to him.</span> How
+d’ye do?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Moving a step or two towards her.</span>
+I&mdash;I’ve been here before this afternoon. I&nbsp;ventured to bring
+you some flowers.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Going to him and shaking hands with him
+formally.</span> Nobody told me. Awfully kind of you. Where have they
+put them?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Lifting his basket of flowers from off the
+piano and showing it to her.</span> Here.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Pretty. <span class = "stagedir">Pulling out a carnation.</span>
+Stick it up there again. <span class = "stagedir">He replaces the
+basket.</span> You’re Lord Farncombe, aren’t you?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>Yes.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">With a glance at the others.</span> Know
+anybody here?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Looking round the room.</span> Nearly
+everybody, I&nbsp;fancy. <span class = "stagedir">He advances to <span
+class = "smallcaps">Von Rettenmayer</span>, who comes
+<span class = "pagenum">42</span>
+to meet him. <span class = "smallcaps">Lily</span> sits upon the settee
+by the piano and fastens the carnation in her dress. <span class =
+"smallcaps">Gladys</span> goes out.</span> Karl&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p>My dear Eddie!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Bowing to <span class = "smallcaps">de
+Castro</span>, who is now seated beside <span class =
+"smallcaps">Jimmie</span> on the settee in front of the
+writing-table.</span> How are you, Mr. de Castro? <span class =
+"stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Jeyes</span>, who is standing by
+the chair at the writing-table gnawing his moustache and watching <span
+class = "smallcaps">Lily</span> and <span class =
+"smallcaps">Farncombe</span> sourly.</span> How are you, Captain Jeyes?
+<span class = "stagedir">Turning to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Bland</span>.</span> How are you, Mr. Bland? <span class =
+"stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Lily</span>.</span> I’ve been
+talking to Mrs. Upjohn and Mr. Roper already.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Looking across to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Jimmie</span>.</span> Miss Birch&mdash;Lord Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Nodding to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Farncombe</span>.</span> How d’ye do?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Going to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Jimmie</span> and shaking hands with her.</span>
+I&mdash;I&nbsp;needn’t say that I am one of Miss Birch’s
+warmest&mdash;most profound&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Smiling at him.</span> That’s all right;
+don’t you bother about that.</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Maud</span> returns, carrying a pair of silken
+slippers. <span class = "smallcaps">Von Rettenmayer</span>, who has come
+to <span class = "smallcaps">Lily</span>,
+<span class = "pagenum">43</span>
+makes a dart at the slippers and takes them from <span class =
+"smallcaps">Maud</span>.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p>Aha! Permid me.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Maud.</p>
+
+<p>Now, Baron&mdash;&mdash;! <span class = "stagedir">Slapping his
+arm.</span> Ha, ha, ha&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+He pushes <span class = "smallcaps">Maud</span> out of the room, she
+resisting laughingly, and closes the door.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Holding the slippers aloft.</span>
+Gendlemen! Homage to Beaudy! Vollow me! Zam! Vinzent! Rober! Neego!
+Eddie! <span class = "stagedir">The men put themselves behind him, in
+single file, in the order in which he calls them, with the exception of
+<span class = "smallcaps">Jeyes</span>, who deliberately sits at the
+writing-table, and <span class = "smallcaps">Farncombe</span>, who is
+embarrassed. <span class = "smallcaps">Jimmie</span> claps her hands and
+<span class = "smallcaps">Mrs. Upjohn</span>, who is pouring out tea,
+laughs herself into a fit of coughing.</span> Ta, ta, ra, ra, ta, ta!
+Boum, boum!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Baron, you great baby!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p>Quig! Marge!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Calling to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Farncombe</span>.</span> Come along, Farncombe!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Giving <span class =
+"smallcaps">Farncombe</span> a shove.</span> Go on!</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">44</span>
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Farncombe</span> takes his place behind <span
+class = "smallcaps">Roper</span> and, headed by <span class =
+"smallcaps">Von Rettenmayer</span>, the men march round the room.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+Waving the slippers in the air and singing.</p>
+
+<div class = "song">
+<p>Weib, was ist in aller Welt</p>
+<p>Dir an Schönheit gleichgestellt!</p>
+<p>Reizumflossen, wunderhold,</p>
+<p>Perl’ der Schöpfung, Herzensgold!</p>
+<p>Tag’s Gedanken, Traum der Nacht,</p>
+<p>Schweben um Dich, Süsse, sacht.</p>
+</div>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Von Rettenmayer</span> halts before <span
+class = "smallcaps">Lily</span> and kneels to her. She extends her left
+foot and he kisses her instep and puts her foot into her slipper. She
+rewards him by lightly boxing his ears. He makes way for <span class =
+"smallcaps">de Castro</span>, handing him the other slipper, and <span
+class = "smallcaps">de Castro</span> performs the same ceremony with
+<span class = "smallcaps">Lily’s</span> right foot. She upsets <span
+class = "smallcaps">de Castro’s</span> balance by a little kick.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+Seating himself beside <span class = "smallcaps">Jimmie</span>,
+singing.</p>
+
+<div class = "song">
+<p>Venus, seinen Nacken beut</p>
+<p>Dir Den Sklave, dienstbereit!</p>
+</div>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">De Castro</span> gathers himself up and sits
+in the chair at the end of the settee in front of the, writing-table.
+<span class = "smallcaps">Bland</span> and <span class =
+"smallcaps">Roper</span>, having knelt and kissed <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily’s</span> foot, also sit, the former in the chair in the
+middle of the room, the latter in the chair on the extreme left.
+Finally, <span class = "smallcaps">Farncombe</span> finds himself
+<span class = "pagenum">45</span>
+before <span class = "smallcaps">Lily</span>. He looks at her
+hesitatingly and she returns his look with awakened interest and
+withdraws her foot.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Shaking her head.</span> No, no; don’t
+<i>you</i> be silly, like the others.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Loudly.</span> Tea!</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Bland, Von Rettenmayer</span> and <span class
+= "smallcaps">de Castro</span> jump up and go to the tea-table where
+<span class = "smallcaps">Farncombe</span> joins them. <span class =
+"smallcaps">Gladys</span> enters, carrying a stand on which are a plate
+of bread-and-butter, a&nbsp;dish of cake, etc. <span class =
+"smallcaps">Roper</span> takes the stand from her and the girl retires.
+<span class = "smallcaps">Farncombe</span> brings <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span> a cup of tea. <span class = "smallcaps">De
+Castro</span> and <span class = "smallcaps">Bland</span> follow him, the
+one with a milk-jug, the other with a sugar-basin. <span class =
+"smallcaps">Von Rettenmayer</span> carries a cup of tea to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Jimmie</span>, and then <span class = "smallcaps">de
+Castro</span> and <span class = "smallcaps">Bland</span>, having waited
+upon <span class = "smallcaps">Lily</span>, go to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Jimmie</span> with the milk and sugar. <span class =
+"smallcaps">Roper</span> hands the bread-and-butter and cake to <span
+class = "smallcaps">Lily</span>, then to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Jimmie</span>, and in the end <span class =
+"smallcaps">Roper, Bland, de Castro</span> and <span class =
+"smallcaps">Von Rettenmayer</span> assemble at the tea-table and receive
+their cups of tea from <span class = "smallcaps">Mrs. Upjohn</span>.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Relieving <span class =
+"smallcaps">Gladys</span> of the stand.</span> Give it to me.
+I&nbsp;want a little exercise.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">46</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Taking her cup of tea from <span class =
+"smallcaps">Farncombe</span>.</span> Thanks.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">De Castro.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Helping <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span> to milk.</span> Milk-ho!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Bland.</p>
+
+<p>Sugar?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Br-r-r-rh! I’m putting on weight as it is.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Offering the bread-and-butter,
+etc.&mdash;facetiously.</span> Ices, sweets <i>or</i> chocolates, full
+piano-score!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Nothing to eat, Uncle; I dine at six.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Calling to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Jeyes</span> from the tea-table.</span> Captain, ain’t you
+goin’ to ’ave any tea?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Moodily examining the presents on the
+writing-table.</span> No, thank you, Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Bland.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Jimmie</span>,
+after she has been helped to milk.</span> Sugar?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p>Two lumps.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">47</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Pushing <span class =
+"smallcaps">Bland</span> and <span class = "smallcaps">de Castro</span>
+aside, imitating a female voice.</span> Ices, sweets <i>or</i>
+chocolates, full piano-score!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Cutting a slice of cake.</span> Lal, the
+world ’ud be a much happier place to live in if Lloyd George taxed your
+jokes.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer, Bland, and de Castro.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Returning to the tea-table.</span> Ha, ha,
+ha, ha!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Farncombe</span>, who remains standing near her.</span> Seen
+our show at the Pandora?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Gazing at her.</span> Twenty-three
+times.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Not really?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>This week and last, every night.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Running her eye over him.</span> You in the
+Guards, by any chance?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Nodding.</span> Yes.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">48</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Smiling.</span> Ah, you’ll never do a braver
+deed than seeing our show twenty-three times.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">As <span class = "smallcaps">Roper</span>
+leaves her to go to the table, her mouth full of cake.</span> Boys!
+<span class = "stagedir">Choking.</span> Heugh, heugh, heugh! Wait a
+minute; I’ve swallowed some of the Baron’s German. <span class =
+"stagedir">Gulping.</span> B-oys, seriously&mdash;no rot&mdash; <span
+class = "stagedir">raising her tea-cup</span> jolly good health to Lily!
+<span class = "stagedir">There is a cry of approbation from <span class
+= "smallcaps">Bland, Von Rettenmayer, de Castro</span> and <span class =
+"smallcaps">Roper. Farncombe</span> fetches himself a cup of tea from
+the tea-table.</span> She’s a white woman, Lily is&mdash;the staunchest,
+truest pal, where she takes a liking&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Bland, Von Rettenmayer, de Castro, and Roper.</p>
+
+<p>Hear, hear!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Pressing forward through the men and going
+to <span class = "smallcaps">Lily</span>.</span> And the best daughter
+breathing. <span class = "stagedir">Embracing <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span> and then turning to the others.</span> D’ye
+notice the new dress I’m wearin’ this afternoon?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Don’t, mother; don’t.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>Fifteen guineas it’s cost her. <span class = "stagedir">Sitting in
+the chair on the extreme left, proudly.</span> Madame Godolphin made it,
+and a ’at to go with it <i>ong sweet</i>.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">49</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Mrs.
+Upjohn</span>.</span> Hu-s-s-sh!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p>Well&mdash;&mdash; <span class = "stagedir">sipping her tea as if
+drinking a toast</span> in a cup of tea!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Bland, de Castro, and Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Sipping their tea.</span> In a cup o’
+tea!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Drinking.</span> In a gob o’ dea!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Von
+Rettenmayer</span>, mockingly.</span> Gob o’ dea!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Waving her hand.</span> Thank you, Jimmie.
+Thank you, dear boys, from the bottom of my heart.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To the men.</span> By Jove, she saved
+<i>me</i> once from going home to a cheap lodging and taking a dose of
+rat-killer!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Behind <span class =
+"smallcaps">Roper</span> and <span class = "smallcaps">de Castro</span>,
+peeping over their shoulders.</span> A&nbsp;pidy&mdash;a&nbsp;gread
+pidy.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Von
+Rettenmayer</span>.</span> I’ll attend to you presently, Baron.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">50</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Jimmie</span>.</span> I remember. A&nbsp;wretched little
+shrimp you looked that day.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To everybody.</span> It was my first morning
+at the Pandora. They’d had me up from Harrogate in a hurry, to take
+Gwennie Harker’s place. I’d been playing her part in the Number Two Co.
+in the country; and she’d left ’em in a hole, to get married to a stupid
+lord&mdash;&mdash; <span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Farncombe</span>, finding him standing near her.</span>
+Sorry. I&nbsp;was to have only one rehearsal; <span class =
+"stagedir">clenching her fist</span> and, oh, didn’t they treat me
+abominably! Miss Ensor was late and we were all hanging about on the
+stage, waiting for her. I’ve never felt so cold in my life, or so
+lonely. Not a word of welcome, not a nod, from a single soul; simply a
+blank stare occasionally from a haughty beauty with a curled lip! And at
+last, when I was on the point of howling, I&nbsp;became conscious that
+somebody was watching me&mdash;a&nbsp;tall, pretty thing in a lavender
+frock&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">De Castro.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Sitting in the chair in the middle of the
+room.</span> Lil.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p>I caught her eye, and she came straight over to me and sat down
+beside me. “Shaky?� she said. “A&nbsp;corpse,� I&nbsp;said. And she
+quietly laid hold of my hand and held it till Dolly Ensor condescended
+to stroll in. And when I got up I asked her who she was, and she told
+me. “Oh, my God,� I&nbsp;said, “I’ll
+<span class = "pagenum">51</span>
+never forget your kindness! Why, of course, you’re the ‘Mind the Paint’
+girl&mdash;&mdash;!�</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper, de Castro, and Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Singing.</span> “Mind the paint! Mind the
+paint! Tra, lal, la, lal, la, lal, la, lal, la, lal, tra, la, la,
+la&mdash;&mdash;!�</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Bland</span> seats himself at the piano and
+thumps out the air of the refrain of “Mind the Paint.� The three men,
+mouthing the time silently, wave their arms, and <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily’s</span> head and body move from side to side.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Bland.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">With a groan.</span> Ugh! Is there anything
+more ancient than a four-year-old comic song? <span class =
+"stagedir">Playing a few bars of the melody of the song.</span> Shade of
+Nineveh and all the buried cities!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper, Von Rettenmayer, and de Castro.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Lily</span>,
+coaxingly.</span> Lily! Goddess! Lil!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Shaking her head.</span> Oh, boys, it’s
+gone. <span class = "stagedir">Pressing temples.</span>
+I&nbsp;couldn’t&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Bland</span> plays the introductory symphony
+and then pauses. Then she sings, he accompanying her. In a moment or
+two, the song comes back to her readily and she gives it with great
+witchery and allurement. <span class = "smallcaps">Jeyes</span> starts
+up and goes to the window in the wall on the right and looks out.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">52</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+Singing.</p>
+
+<div class = "song">
+<p>I’ve a very charming dwelling,</p>
+<p>(You know where without the telling)</p>
+<p>Decorated in a style that’s rather quaint!</p>
+<p class = "deepset">
+Smart and quaint!</p>
+
+<p>When you pay my house a visit,</p>
+<p>You may scrutinise or quiz it,</p>
+<p>But you mustn’t touch the paint!</p>
+<p class = "deepset">
+Brand-new paint!</p>
+
+<p>Mind the paint! Mind the paint!</p>
+<p>(No matter whether Maple’s bills are settled or they ain’t!)</p>
+<p>Once you smear it or you scratch it,</p>
+<p>It’s impossible to match it;</p>
+<p>So take care, please, of the paint&mdash;of the paint!</p>
+</div>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+Rising and coming to the middle of the room, <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span> repeats the refrain, dancing to it gracefully.
+<span class = "smallcaps">Jimmie</span> also rises and she, <span class
+= "smallcaps">Roper</span>, <span class = "smallcaps">Von
+Rettenmayer</span>, and <span class = "smallcaps">de Castro</span> join
+in the chorus and the dance, the three men very extravagantly. <span
+class = "smallcaps">Farncombe</span> looks on, enraptured, while <span
+class = "smallcaps">Mrs. Upjohn</span> beats time with her hands.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">Singing.</p>
+
+<div class = "song">
+<p>I’m possessed of all the graces,</p>
+<p>Oh, a perfect dr-r-r-ream my face is!</p>
+<p>(It may owe to Art a trifle or it mayn’t</p>
+<p class = "deepset">
+H’m, it mayn’t!)</p>
+
+<p>And I’ll cry out for assistance.</p>
+<p>Should you fail to keep your distance,</p>
+<p>
+<span class = "pagenum">53</span>
+Goodness gracious, mind the paint!</p>
+<p class = "deepset">
+Mind the paint!</p>
+
+<p>Mind the paint! Mind the paint!</p>
+<p>A girl is not a sinner just because she’s not a saint!</p>
+<p>But my heart shall hold you dearer&mdash;</p>
+<p>You may come a little nearer&mdash;</p>
+<p>If you’ll <i>only</i> mind the paint&mdash;mind the paint!</p>
+</div>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+The refrain is repeated as before, <span class = "smallcaps">Mrs.
+Upjohn</span> rising and taking a share in it. Then <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span> drops on to the settee before the writing-table,
+laughing and holding up her hands in protest.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>No more, boys! <span class = "stagedir"><span class =
+"smallcaps">Roper</span>, <span class = "smallcaps">Von
+Rettenmayer</span>, and <span class = "smallcaps">de Castro</span>
+gather round her, applauding her and urging her to continue.</span> No,
+no; no more! I’ve had such a stiff day&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">With sudden energy, to everybody.</span> Out
+you go, all of you; out you go!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To the men.</span> Come on; let’s mizzle.
+<span class = "stagedir">Shaking hands with <span class =
+"smallcaps">Farncombe</span>.</span> Cruel of us to tire her so.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Tapping <span class = "smallcaps">Von
+Rettenmayer</span> on the shoulder.</span> Now, then, Baron!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Shaking hands with <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span>.</span> I’m goming.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">54</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Taking <span class = "smallcaps">Von
+Rettenmayer</span> to the door.</span> Well, <i>gome</i>!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Pulling <span class =
+"smallcaps">Roper</span> away from <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span>.</span> Now, Uncle!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Adjusting his coat.</span> Mind the paint,
+Ma.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Calling out.</span> Good-bye, Lil!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">As she shakes hands with <span class =
+"smallcaps">de Castro</span>, calling to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Jimmie</span>.</span> Good-bye!</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Jimmie</span> and <span class =
+"smallcaps">Von Rettenmayer</span> disappear.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>Now, Mr. de Castro! <span class = "stagedir">Moving with <span class
+= "smallcaps">Roper</span> towards the door.</span> ’Owever d’ye think
+she’s goin’ to get through her work to-night!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">De Castro.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Pausing to comb his moustache.</span> Quite
+right, Ma&mdash;&mdash; <span class = "stagedir">thoughtlessly</span>
+and a thupper and a danthe afterwardth.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Turning upon him quickly.</span> Sssh! <span
+class = "stagedir">In a low voice.</span> Dam fool!</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">55</span>
+<p class = "speaker">De Castro.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Clapping his hand to his mouth.</span>
+Oh&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+They glance at <span class = "smallcaps">Jeyes</span> who, hearing de
+Castro’s remark, has left the window and come forward a step or two.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Uneasily.</span> Er&mdash;good-bye,
+Nicko.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">De Castro.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Jeyes</span>,
+in the same way.</span> G-good-bye.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To both, dryly.</span> Good-bye.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Bland.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Talking to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span>, neither of them having heard de Castro’s
+slip.</span> That jingle&mdash;an echo of old times, eh?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Looking up at him.</span> Yes, but not
+better times than these times, Vin?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Bland.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Sadly, holding her hand.</span> Ah, Lil,
+there are so many tunes in life left for <i>you</i>, my dear!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">At the door, with <span class =
+"smallcaps">Mrs. Upjohn</span> and <span class = "smallcaps">de
+Castro</span>&mdash;to <span class = "smallcaps">Bland</span>.</span>
+Come along, Vincent.</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Bland</span> joins the group at the door as
+<span class = "smallcaps">Farncombe</span> approaches <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span>.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">56</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Shaking hands with her.</span> Thank you.
+<span class = "stagedir">With fervour.</span> Glorious!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Reproachfully.</span> For shame!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>I mean it.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>T’sh! <span class = "stagedir">Lightly.</span> See you again some
+day, perhaps?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>Ah, yes&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Calling to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Farncombe</span>.</span> Coming our way, Farncombe?</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Roper</span>, <span class =
+"smallcaps">Bland</span>, and <span class = "smallcaps">de Castro</span>
+depart. <span class = "smallcaps">Farncombe</span> bows to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span> and makes for the door.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Jeyes</span>.</span> Good-bye, Captain Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Who has wandered to the entrance to the
+conservatory, where he is now standing with his back to the
+room&mdash;half turning.</span> Good-bye.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Shaking hands with <span class =
+"smallcaps">Mrs. Upjohn</span>.</span> Delightful! Enjoyed myself
+amazingly.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">57</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Graciously.</span> Oh, we’re always glad
+when a few folks pop in&mdash; <span class = "stagedir">he wrings her
+hand</span> if they don’t over-stay their welcome.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>Naturally. <span class = "stagedir">Hurriedly.</span> Good-bye. <span
+class = "stagedir">He vanishes.</span></p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Remaining at the door.</span>
+Captain&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Advancing.</span> I want just half a dozen
+words with Lily, Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Mrs.
+Upjohn</span>.</span> Tell Maud to put out my old green frock, mother;
+I’ll be up in a minute or two.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Jeyes</span>.</span> Now, you won’t keep ’er longer, will
+you?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Grimly.</span> No, no; I know she won’t be
+in bed till four o’clock to-morrow morning at the earliest. <span class
+= "stagedir"><span class = "smallcaps">Mrs. Upjohn</span> goes out,
+closing the door, and Jeyes comes to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span>.</span> So Smythe is giving you a grand feed
+to-night at the theatre, Lil?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Arranging the pillows on the settee.</span>
+In the foyer.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">58</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>And a dance, it appears.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Yawning.</span> Oh-h-h-h! <span class =
+"stagedir">Lying upon the settee at full length.</span> Who told
+<i>you</i>, grumpy?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>Roper and your mother told me about the supper. <i>You</i>
+didn’t.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Ha, ha! You were in such a vile mood last night, coming home.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>Who will there be to dance <i>with</i> to-night?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>The men of the Company.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>That doesn’t sound very inspiring.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Rather school-treaty, isn’t it!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>Nobody from outside?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>No; it’s to be only the men in the theatre and the principal
+ladies.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">59</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p><i>Roper’s</i> going.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Uncle Lal? Oh, well, he’s hardly from outside.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>And de Castro.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Sam?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>I’m sure of it, from something I heard him say just now.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Sam used to finance Carlton. I suppose they reckon <i>him</i> one of
+us.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Sitting in the chair in the middle of the
+room.</span> Smythe might have extended the compliment to <i>me</i>,
+Lil. He knows how I stand towards you.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Awfully sorry; <i>I</i> can’t help it.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Twining his fingers together.</span> You
+see, if Roper and de Castro are asked, there may be others.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Changing her position.</span> Oh, lal, lal,
+lal, lal, la!</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">60</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">With a set jaw.</span> Some of the more
+juvenile “boys,� perhaps. <span class = "stagedir">Examining his
+nails.</span> Lil.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>What?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>When did you make the acquaintance of the young sprig o’ the nobility
+who’s been here this afternoon?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Lord Farncombe? Bertie brought him and introduced him one day last
+week.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>Ha! <i>He’s</i> at your feet now.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Phuh!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>Oh, you may “phuh�! He’s in front every blessed night. There he sits,
+Row&nbsp;B., three stalls from the end, prompt side!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>There are a few good-looking girls at the Pandora besides your humble
+servant.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>Rubbish! His glass follows you all over the stage. I&nbsp;watched him
+talking to you in this room&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">61</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Raising herself.</span> Did you indeed!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Beating his clenched hands upon the arms of
+his chair.</span> God in heaven! First it’s one, then it’s another,
+chasing you!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Putting her feet to the ground.</span> Oh,
+you’re maddening, Nicko! You <i>are</i>; you’re maddening. Last night it
+was Stewie Heneage you chose to be jealous of, simply because you’d
+heard him sounding my praises at Catani’s! You almost broke the window
+of the car, you went on so!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>I confess I object to Heneage, or any man, raving about you at the
+top of his voice in a public place.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Sakes alive, why <i>shouldn’t</i> Stewie rave about me in a public
+place, if he feels like it! I&nbsp;belong to the public. He might rave
+about a girl who’s a jolly sight less deserving of being raved about, as
+a girl <i>and</i> an artist, than I am.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>Well, we’ll dismiss Heneage.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Yes, exit Stewie and enter somebody else for you fuss and fume about.
+This afternoon it’s Lord
+<span class = "pagenum">62</span>
+Farncombe, and to-morrow it’ll be a fresh person altogether. One ’ud
+think, to hear you, that I don’t know how to take care of myself, and of
+any poor boy who loses his head over me! <span class = "stagedir">Rising
+and walking away.</span> You’re growing worse and worse with your
+jealousy, Nicko. Stop it! I’m surprised at you, after all these years!
+It’s beginning to fret me, and that’s bad for my spirits and bad for me
+in business. <span class = "stagedir">At the tea-table, grabbing a piece
+of bread-and-butter and biting at it.</span> And now you’re making me
+spoil my dinner&mdash; <span class = "stagedir">relenting</span> and
+that’s not good for me either, you brute!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">His hands hanging loosely between his knees,
+sighing heavily.</span> Oh, Lily, Lily&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Yes, oh, Lily, Lily!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>Why&mdash;why don’t you put me out of my misery?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Munching.</span> Poison you?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>Marry me.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Behind his chair.</span> Marry you? <span
+class = "stagedir">Taking his handkerchief from his breast-pocket and
+wiping her fingers upon it&mdash;sarcastically.</span> Have you come to
+tell me you’ve got some work to do at last? Break it gently, Nicko; the
+shock might be too great for me.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">63</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>Oh, <i>I’d</i> find a billet soon enough, Lil, if only I’d an
+incentive to hunt for it.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Incentive! You <i>had</i> an incentive twelve months ago, when I was
+willing to engage myself to you absolutely if you could obtain a good
+secretaryship or something of the sort.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>I&mdash;I’ve no fancy for a beggarly secretaryship.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>No; all <i>you’ve</i> a fancy for, seemingly, is for living on your
+unfortunate people. <span class = "stagedir">Throwing him his
+handkerchief and leaving him.</span> How a man of your age can rest
+satisfied with being a burden to others passes my dull
+comprehension!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>I&mdash;I <i>have</i> been a bit slack, I own&mdash;I <i>have</i>
+been a bit leisurely; but&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Inspecting some of the flowers about the
+room.</span> Nicko, that pendant, or whatever it is, you’ve given
+me&mdash;I&nbsp;don’t want to hurt you, but I won’t accept it. You take
+it away with you; do you hear?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Not heeding her, weakly.</span>
+Lil&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">64</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>I’m in earnest; you remove it from off my premises.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>Lil&mdash; <span class = "stagedir">she returns to him</span> my
+eldest brother&mdash;Robert&mdash; <span class = "stagedir">looking up
+at her</span> Bob&mdash; <span class = "stagedir">She nods
+inquiringly.</span> Bob’s at me to go out to Rhodesia, to manage a group
+of stock farms he’s interested in near Bulawayo.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Oh, why don’t you go?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Forlornly.</span> Rhodesia! Bulawayo! <span
+class = "stagedir">Looking up at her again with a dismal smile.</span>
+Come with me?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Don’t be absurd.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Rising and putting his hands upon her
+shoulders.</span> No, you wouldn’t care a straw&mdash;not a brass
+farthing&mdash;if I <i>did</i> go, would yer!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Softening again.</span> Stuff! I should miss
+you horribly. <span class = "stagedir">Toying with a button of his
+waistcoat.</span> Who’d bring me home from the theatre at night then,
+and from rehearsals; who&mdash;&mdash;?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>Ah, <i>who</i>! <span class = "stagedir">His grip tightening on
+her.</span> <i>Who!</i></p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">65</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Wincing.</span> Ssss! You’ll bruise my skin
+if you’re not careful.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Taking her hand and crumpling it in
+his.</span> Well, it might be that you’d miss me for a while&mdash;the
+old dog that you’re accustomed to find lying on your door-mat; <span
+class = "stagedir">pressing her hand to his lips</span> but you don’t
+<i>love</i> me, Lil&mdash;not even as much as you did a year ago. You
+don’t <i>love</i> me!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">With a faint shrug of her shoulders.</span>
+Perhaps I don’t, in the way you mean; <span class =
+"stagedir">wistfully</span> perhaps it’s not in me really to love
+anybody in a marrying way. <span class = "stagedir">Meeting his
+eyes.</span> Still, as you say&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>As I say&mdash;&mdash;?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Pursing her mouth at him winningly.</span>
+I’m <i>accustomed</i> to you, Nicko. <span class = "stagedir">He draws
+her to him; but, with a laugh, she checks him by offering him her head
+to kiss.</span> There&mdash; <span class = "stagedir">putting the point
+of her finger playfully on the crown of her head</span> you may
+<i>there</i>. <span class = "stagedir">As he kisses her.</span> Now I
+must run upstairs, or mother’ll whack me.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Detaining her.</span> Won’t you allow me to
+fetch you after the dance?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Three or four in the morning! No; I’ll give you
+<span class = "pagenum">66</span>
+a rest. Uncle Lal or Sam’ll take on your job. <span class =
+"stagedir">Going to the door.</span> And don’t try to see me
+to-morrow.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Sharply.</span> Why not?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Not till you turn up at night as usual. I&nbsp;shall be a shocking
+rag all day.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Breaking out.</span> Yes, I expect you’ll
+manage to enjoy yourself thoroughly, and dance yourself off your feet,
+whoever your partners may be!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Wilfully.</span> Expect I shall. <span class
+= "stagedir">Tossing her head up.</span> Ha, ha! I’ll do my best.</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+She departs, leaving him standing near the tea-table. He takes out his
+handkerchief and mops his brow. As he does so, his eyes rest upon the
+telephone-instrument on the writing-table and he stares at it. He
+hesitates, as if struggling to resist an impulse; then he goes quickly
+to the instrument and puts the receiver to his ear.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">After a pause.</span> Gerrard, three, eight,
+four, eight. <span class = "stagedir">Discovering that <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span> has left the door wide open, he lays the
+receiver upon the writing-table and goes to the door and shuts it. Then
+he returns to the writing-table and again listens at the
+receiver.</span> Is that the office of the Pandora Theatre?... <span
+class = "stagedir">Suddenly, imitating the
+<span class = "pagenum">67</span>
+voice of <span class = "smallcaps">de Castro</span>.</span> Ith Mithter
+Morrith Cooling in?... I’m Mithter de Castro ... Tham de Castro ...
+Gone, ith he?... Oh, ith that you, Mithter Hickthon?... Yeth, you’ll do
+... About the thupper-party to-night that Mithter Smythe ith giving to
+Mith Parradell ... Yer there?... I&nbsp;didn’t quite underthtand whether
+ith to be at the theatre or at a rethtaurong ... At the theatre?... Oh,
+yeth ... A&nbsp;largth party?... Oh, that <i>ith</i> nithe!... Who are
+the guesth, d’ye know?... Yeth?... Yeth?... Oh, an’ the boyth!... oh,
+thome o’ the <i>boyth</i> are comin’, are they!... Hey?... Haven’t got
+the litht from Mithter Roper yet?... Oh, <i>he’th</i> been helpin’ to
+get it up!... Oh, we <i>shall</i> have a thplendid time!... The
+boyth!... Yeth!... Yeth!... ha, ha, ha, ha!... thankth.... goo’bye!</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+He replaces the receiver and stands looking at the door for a moment.
+Then, with his head bent and his hands clasped behind him, he goes
+slowly out.</p>
+
+<h4 class = "end">END OF THE FIRST ACT.</h4>
+
+
+<!-- <span class = "pagenum">68</span> -->
+
+
+<span class = "pagenum">69</span>
+<h3 class = "act"><a name = "act2" id = "act2">THE SECOND ACT</a></h3>
+
+<p class = "scenedesc">
+The scene is an artistically decorated refreshment-saloon&mdash;or
+“foyer�&mdash;on the first-circle floor of a theatre. The wall facing
+the spectator is panelled partly in glass, and through the glazed panels
+the corridor behind the circle, and the doors admitting to the circle,
+are seen. The right-hand wall is panelled in a similar way, showing the
+landing at the top of the principal staircase and an entrance to the
+corridor. Some music-stands and stools are on the landing, arranged for
+a small orchestra.</p>
+
+<p class = "scenedesc">
+In the right-hand wall there is a double swing-door giving on to the
+landing; and in the wall at the back, opening on to, and from, the
+corridor, there is a single swing-door on the left and another on the
+right. The left-hand door is fastened back into the saloon by a hook.
+Between the two doors in the back wall runs the refreshment-counter.</p>
+
+<p class = "scenedesc">
+In one of the further corners of the saloon there is a plaster statue
+representing the Muse of Comedy, in the opposite corner a companion
+figure of Dancing. In the wall on the left, the grate hidden by flowers,
+is a fireplace with a fender-stool before it, and on either side of the
+fireplace there is a
+<span class = "pagenum">70</span>
+capacious and richly upholstered arm-chair. A&nbsp;settee of like design
+stands against the wall on the right between the double-door and the
+spectator.</p>
+
+<p class = "scenedesc">
+The counter is decked-out as a sideboard, and at equal distances from
+each other there are four round tables laid for a supper-party of
+twenty-six persons. There are eight chairs at one table and six at each
+of the others, the chairs being of the sort usually supplied by
+ball-caterers.</p>
+
+<p class = "scenedesc">
+The saloon and the landing without are brilliantly lighted, the corridor
+less brightly.</p>
+
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Luigi</span> and four waiters&mdash;one of
+whom has a curly head and a fair beard ending in two flamboyant
+points&mdash;are putting the finishing touches to the laying of the
+tables, while <span class = "smallcaps">Morris Cooling</span>,
+a&nbsp;person of imposing presence displaying a vast expanse of
+shirt-front, is engaged in placing upon each of the serviettes a card
+bearing the name of a guest.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Cooling.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Referring to a plan of the tables which he
+has in his hand.</span> Miss Connify&mdash;Miss Connify&mdash;Miss
+Connify&mdash;where’s Miss Connify? Ah, here you are, my dear&mdash;
+<span class = "stagedir">moving to <span class = "smallcaps">Miss
+Connify’s</span> chair and putting a card upon her serviette</span> next
+to old Arthur.</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+The four waiters, obeying a direction in dumb-show from <span class =
+"smallcaps">Luigi</span>, go out at the door on the left.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Luigi.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">A little, dark, active man&mdash;viewing the
+tables with satisfaction.</span> Tables look nice, Mr. Cooling?</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">71</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Cooling.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Absorbed.</span> Not bad&mdash;not
+bad&mdash;not bad. <span class = "stagedir"><span class =
+"smallcaps">Luigi</span> follows the waiters.</span> Miss Kato? <span
+class = "stagedir">Moving to another table and laying a card upon a
+serviette.</span> Gabrielle.</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Roper</span> bustles in through the
+double-door, in high feather.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>Hul-lo! <span class = "stagedir">Cutting a caper.</span> Merry
+Christmas and a Happy New Year, and how are you to-morrow!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Cooling.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Deep in his plan of the tables.</span>
+Hullo, Lal!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Surveying the tables.</span> Splendid! <span
+class = "stagedir">Going from one table to another.</span> Seating ’em,
+hey?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Cooling.</p>
+
+<p>Mr. Palk&mdash;Mr. Palk&mdash;Mr. Palk? <span class =
+"stagedir">Placing another card.</span> Albert.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>Which d’ye make your principal table?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Cooling.</p>
+
+<p>There it is; you’re at it.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>Ah, yes. <span class = "stagedir">Examining the cards.</span> “Miss
+Lily Parradell&mdash;�! <span class = "stagedir">His jaw falling.</span>
+Why, you’ve gone and put the Baron on her right!</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">72</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Cooling.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Unconsciously.</span> Well, what’s the
+objection?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>Where’s Farncombe? Where’s Lord Farncombe?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Cooling.</p>
+
+<p>On the other side, with Dolly Stidulph and Enid.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>Rats!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Cooling.</p>
+
+<p>What do you mean by Rats? <span class = "stagedir">Advancing to the
+principal table&mdash;nettled.</span> Look heah, Lal&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>My dear fellow, Miss Parradell is the heroine o’ the party; the seat
+next to her is the seat of honour.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Cooling.</p>
+
+<p>That’s why I’ve put the Baron there. With things as they are between
+England and Germany&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>If Germany doesn’t like it, she must lump it. Lord Farncombe’s the
+eldest son of an Earl; you can’t get over that.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Cooling.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Picking up <span class =
+"smallcaps">Farncombe’s</span> card.</span> Oh, have it your own
+way.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">73</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Picking up <span class = "smallcaps">Von
+Rettenmayer’s</span> card.</span> Besides, the Baron’s sweet on Enid
+just now; I’m sure he’d prefer&mdash; <span class = "stagedir">They
+exchange the cards and rearrange them.</span> thanks, ol’ man. Sorry I
+was shirty.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Cooling.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Laying down his plan and cards and producing
+a letter from his breast-pocket.</span> By-the-bye, the fair
+Lily&mdash;the heroine of the party, as you call her&mdash;is in a
+pretty tantrum over the whole business.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>Tantrum?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Cooling.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Unfolding the letter.</span> Had this from
+her ten minutes ago. Listen to <i>this</i>. <span class =
+"stagedir">Reading.</span> “My Dressing-room. 11-15. 80 degrees, with
+the windows open.� <span class = "stagedir">In an injured tone.</span>
+Haw, so I should think!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Concerned.</span> What’s amiss?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Cooling.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Reading.</span> “Morrie, you pig.� <span
+class = "stagedir"><span class = "smallcaps">Roper</span>
+whistles.</span> “Morrie, you pig. I&nbsp;should feel deeply indebted to
+you if you would kindly inform me why the devil you went out of your way
+to deceive me last night. You led me to suppose&mdash;and so did that
+lying worm Lal Roper&mdash;&mdash;� <span class = "stagedir">looking at
+<span class = "smallcaps">Roper</span></span> <i>You.</i></p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">74</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>Oh, lord!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Cooling.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Resuming.</span> “&mdash;that lying worm Lal
+Roper&mdash;&mdash;�</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Testily.</span> All right, all right.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Cooling.</p>
+
+<p>“&mdash;you both led me to suppose that this rotten banquet was to be
+a family gathering of the ladies and gentlemen of the Pandora Theatre,
+and no outsiders asked. Now I find that only three or four of the men of
+the Company are invited, and I hear from Nita Trevenna, who has got it
+from young Kennedy, that several of the Boys are to be laid on for the
+occasion. The result is you have made me tell a regular whopper to a
+particular friend of mine with regard to this affair&mdash;&mdash;�</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Passing his hand over his brow.</span> Nicko
+Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Cooling.</p>
+
+<p>“&mdash;which I will never forgive you for, Morris
+Cooling&mdash;neither you nor Lal Roper. As true as I am alive,
+I&nbsp;have a jolly good mind not to show, but to put on my old rags and
+go straight home. You are two cads. So take it out of that and believe
+me, Always yours affectionately, Lil.�</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">75</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Walking about.</span> Well, I’m blessed!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Cooling.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Returning the letter to his pocket.</span>
+Haw! Tasty document!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>Lying worm and a cad! And from Miss Lily Margaret Upjohn! <span class
+= "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Cooling</span>.</span> Done
+anything about it?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Cooling.</p>
+
+<p>No; waited for you. <span class = "stagedir">Going on with his
+arrangements at the tables.</span> <i>You’re</i> responsible. What
+<i>I</i> did last night was simply to oblige a pal.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Irresolutely.</span> I’d better run round to
+her, and try to smooth her down, hadn’t I?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Cooling.</p>
+
+<p>Perhaps you <i>had</i>. <span class = "stagedir">Placing a
+card.</span> Mr. Stewart Heneage. <span class = "stagedir">To <span
+class = "smallcaps">Roper</span>.</span> Why you wanted to mislead the
+girl I can’t understand.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>Damn it, you agreed that that sulky brute Jeyes ’ud be a wet blanket!
+You blow hot and cold, you do!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Cooling.</p>
+
+<p>There you go! More filthy temper!</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">76</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>If ever I assist in getting up another party&mdash;&mdash;! <span
+class = "stagedir">As he reaches the door on the left, he encounters
+<span class = "smallcaps">Carlton Smythe</span>, who is entering at that
+moment, and puts on his humourous manner.</span> Hul-lo! Here we are
+again! All change for Oxford Circus!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Smythe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">A bulky, sleepy-looking man with grey hair,
+a&nbsp;darker moustache and beard, and a heavy, rolling gait.</span> Ha,
+Lal!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>I’m just going to have a word with Lil Parradell.</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+He disappears and <span class = "smallcaps">Smythe</span> advances.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Cooling.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Approaching <span class =
+"smallcaps">Smythe</span>.</span> How are you to-night, Chief?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Smythe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">A silk hat on the back of his head, an
+overcoat on his arm&mdash;regarding the preparations with
+disgust.</span> Puh! Here’s a muck and a muddle!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Cooling.</p>
+
+<p>Don’t worry; we’ll clear it away in no time. Shall I tell you who are
+coming?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Smythe.</p>
+
+<p>No; I shall know soon enough. What was the house to-night?</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">77</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Cooling.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Producing a long slip of paper and handing
+it to <span class = "smallcaps">Smythe</span>.</span> Big. <span class =
+"stagedir"><span class = "smallcaps">Smythe</span> scans the paper
+through half-closed lids and gives a growl of contentment.</span> Haw!
+And the weather dead against us.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Smythe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Screwing up the paper, and cramming it into
+his waistcoat-pocket.</span> There’s no bad weather for a good play.
+<span class = "stagedir">Looking at his hands.</span> I’ll go and have a
+wash and brush up. <span class = "stagedir"><span class =
+"smallcaps">Luigi</span> returns, entering at the door on the left, and
+goes behind the counter. The waiters follow him, carrying some melons
+lying upon ice in plated dishes. They deposit the dishes upon the
+counter and <span class = "smallcaps">Luigi</span> proceeds to cut the
+melon into slices. <span class = "smallcaps">Cooling</span> resumes, at
+a table on the left, the placing of the cards. As <span class =
+"smallcaps">Smythe</span> is moving towards the right-hand door at the
+back, <span class = "smallcaps">Stewart Heneage</span> and <span class =
+"smallcaps">Gerald Grimwood</span>&mdash;two exquisitely dressed youths
+with blank faces&mdash;enter from the landing. <span class =
+"smallcaps">Smythe</span> shakes hands with them.</span> Ha, Mr.
+Heneage! Ha, Mr. Grimwood! <span class = "stagedir"><span class =
+"smallcaps">Heneage</span> and <span class = "smallcaps">Grimwood</span>
+murmur some polite expressions.</span> Excuse me; I’m just going to wash
+my hands. <span class = "stagedir"><span class = "smallcaps">De
+Castro</span> enters, also at the double-door, and <span class =
+"smallcaps">Smythe</span> shakes hands with him. <span class =
+"smallcaps">Heneage</span> and <span class = "smallcaps">Grimwood</span>
+drift over to <span class = "smallcaps">Cooling</span>, who hails them
+warmly.</span> How do, Sam! Back in a moment; just going to wash my
+hands.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">De Castro.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Detaining him.</span> I thay, Carlton.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Smythe.</p>
+
+<p>Eh?</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">78</span>
+<p class = "speaker">De Castro.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Lowering his voice.</span> I’ve been in
+front again to-night. Magnifithent! Marvellouth!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Smythe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Resignedly.</span> It’ll do; I shall get a
+couple o’ years out of it.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">De Castro.</p>
+
+<p>There’th jutht <i>one</i> little improvement I’d like to thee, if I
+may thuggetht it.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Smythe.</p>
+
+<p>What’s that?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">De Castro.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Linking his arm in <span class =
+"smallcaps">Smythe’s</span>.</span> You’re thure you won’t conthider me
+prethumptuouth?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Smythe.</p>
+
+<p>Of course not; very kind of yer.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">De Castro.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">In <span class = "smallcaps">Smythe’s</span>
+ear.</span> If you <i>could</i> give Gabth&mdash;Mith
+Kato&mdash;a&nbsp;tiny bit more to do in the thecond
+act&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Smythe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Nodding.</span> Ah, yes, yes.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">De Castro.</p>
+
+<p>She’th a little lump o’ talent, that gal, if you only realithed it;
+a&nbsp;perfect little lump o’ talent.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">79</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Smythe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Trying to escape.</span> Er&mdash;I’ll think
+it over.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">De Castro.</p>
+
+<p>Will yer! An extra thong! That’th all it need be&mdash;an extra
+thong! Oh, it would be <i>thuch</i> an improvement! <span class =
+"stagedir"><span class = "smallcaps">Von Rettenmayer</span> enters at
+the double-door. The waiters now go to the tables and lay a plate with a
+slice of melon upon it at each cover.</span> Here’th the Baron. We’ve
+been thitting together to-night, I&nbsp;and the Baron. <span class =
+"stagedir">Wringing <span class = "smallcaps">Smythe’s</span>
+hand.</span> Thankth. <span class = "stagedir">Joining <span class =
+"smallcaps">Cooling</span> and the others on the left as <span class =
+"smallcaps">Smythe</span> greets <span class = "smallcaps">Von
+Rettenmayer</span>.</span> Hullo, Morrith! <span class =
+"stagedir">Shaking hands with <span class = "smallcaps">Heneage</span>
+and <span class = "smallcaps">Grimwood</span>.</span> Well, boyth!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Smythe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Shaking hands with <span class =
+"smallcaps">Von Rettenmayer</span>.</span> Glad to see yer, Baron.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p>Zo good of you to haf me.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Smythe.</p>
+
+<p>Excuse me; I’m just going to wash my hands.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Detaining him.</span> Bardon me&mdash;one
+moment&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Smythe.</p>
+
+<p>Eh?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Dropping his voice.</span> May I dake the
+liberdy of
+<span class = "pagenum">80</span>
+indulging in a liddle griticism on your eggcellent blay?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Smythe.</p>
+
+<p>Certainly.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Drawing <span class =
+"smallcaps">Smythe</span> away from the tables.</span> Gome here. <span
+class = "stagedir">His mouth close to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Smythe’s</span> ear.</span> The zecond aggd!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Smythe.</p>
+
+<p>Second act; what’s the matter with it?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p>The pard where the gharming Miss Barradell is ghanging her
+gostume&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Smythe.</p>
+
+<p>Yes?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p>That is where the biece reguires lifding&mdash; <span class =
+"stagedir">with a gesture</span> lifding.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Smythe.</p>
+
+<p>Lifting?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p>Mr. Davish&mdash;Mr. Balk&mdash;eggsdremely glever; <span class =
+"stagedir">slipping his arm through <span class =
+"smallcaps">Smythe’s</span></span> but if you could zee your way glear
+to gif Enid&mdash;Miss Mongreiff&mdash;anoder dance&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Smythe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Nodding.</span> Ah, h’m, h’m.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">81</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p>It would remove the zolitary imberfection.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Smythe.</p>
+
+<p>Er&mdash;I’ll think it over. <span class = "stagedir">Releasing
+himself.</span> I’m just going to wash my hands. We’ll talk about it
+later.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p>Schoensten Dank. <span class = "stagedir">Going to the men on the
+left.</span> Aha, Mr. Gooling! My dear Steward&mdash;my dear
+Jerry&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+As <span class = "smallcaps">Smythe</span> is again making for the door
+on the left, <span class = "smallcaps">Mrs. Stidulph</span> enters from
+the landing with <span class = "smallcaps">Colonel Stidulph</span>.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Smythe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Mrs.
+Stidulph</span>.</span> Ha, Dolly! <span class = "stagedir">Kissing
+her.</span> How are you, my dear?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Stidulph.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">A mature but still beautiful woman,
+gorgeously dressed and wearing showy jewels&mdash;with a lofty
+air.</span> How are you, Carlton?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Smythe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Stidulph</span>.</span> How d’ye do, Arthur? Delighted to
+see yer.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Stidulph.</p>
+
+<p>Lucky I’m able to come to you to-night. It’s so difficult to catch me
+in the season.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">82</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Smythe.</p>
+
+<p>Been in front?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Stidulph.</p>
+
+<p>M’yes; <span class = "stagedir">in a tone of boredom</span> oh,
+yes.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Smythe.</p>
+
+<p>What, don’t you like it?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Stidulph.</p>
+
+<p>Oh, I don’t say I <i>dis</i>like it; <span class =
+"stagedir">shrugging her shoulders</span> but one can’t forget what one
+<i>used</i> to do here in the old days.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Stidulph.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">An elderly, distinguished-looking man with a
+meek voice and a courteous but rather nervous manner.</span> I’ve had a
+most enjoyable evening, Carlton. So bright; so very bright!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Stidulph.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Stidulph</span>, sneeringly.</span> Oh, anything pleases
+<i>you</i>; <i>you’d</i> laugh at Punch and Judy.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Smythe.</p>
+
+<p>I’m just running away to wash my hands. <span class =
+"stagedir">Looking towards the men on the left.</span> You know Von
+Rettenmayer?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Stidulph.</p>
+
+<p>Know him! Why, he was about in my time! <span class =
+"stagedir">Crossing to <span class = "smallcaps">Von Rettenmayer</span>,
+followed by <span class = "smallcaps">Stidulph</span>.</span> Karl!</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">83</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p>My dear lady! <span class = "stagedir">Kissing her hand
+perfunctorily.</span> What bliss! <span class = "stagedir">Shaking hands
+with <span class = "smallcaps">Stidulph</span>.</span> Golonel!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Stidulph.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Shaking hands with <span class =
+"smallcaps">de Castro</span>.</span> How are you, Sam?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">De Castro.</p>
+
+<p>Ah, Dolly! <span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Stidulph</span>.</span> Hullo, Arthur!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Cooling.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Presenting <span class =
+"smallcaps">Heneage</span> and <span class = "smallcaps">Grimwood</span>
+to the <span class = "smallcaps">Stidulphs</span>.</span> Mr. Stewart
+Heneage&mdash;Mr. Gerald Grimwood&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+As the <span class = "smallcaps">Stidulphs</span> leave <span class =
+"smallcaps">Smythe</span>, <span class = "smallcaps">Herbert
+Fulkerson</span> enters from the landing with <span class =
+"smallcaps">Farncombe</span>. In dumb-show, <span class =
+"smallcaps">Smythe</span> and <span class = "smallcaps">Fulkerson</span>
+greet each other and then <span class = "smallcaps">Fulkerson</span>
+introduces <span class = "smallcaps">Farncombe</span>.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Smythe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Shaking hands with <span class =
+"smallcaps">Farncombe</span>.</span> Glad to make your acquaintance.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>Glad to make <i>yours</i>, Mr. Smythe&mdash;and in such
+circumstances!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Fulkerson.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">A white-faced young man with red eyes and of
+dissipated appearance&mdash;espying <span class = "smallcaps">Mrs.
+Stidulph</span>.</span>
+<span class = "pagenum">84</span>
+By Jove, if it isn’t Dolly Ensor! <span class = "stagedir">Hurrying to
+<span class = "smallcaps">Mrs. Stidulph</span>.</span> What cheer,
+Dolly!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Stidulph.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Coldly.</span> How do you do, Mr.
+Fulkerson?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Fulkerson.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Slightly abashed.</span> Oh, I&mdash;I’m
+pretty middlin’, thanks; hope you’re the same. <span class =
+"stagedir">Nodding to <span class = "smallcaps">Stidulph</span>.</span>
+Evenin’, Arthur.</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Vincent Bland</span> has sauntered in at the
+door on the left and now joins the group surrounding the <span class =
+"smallcaps">Stidulphs</span>.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Bland.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Nodding to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Heneage</span> and <span class =
+"smallcaps">Grimwood</span>.</span> H’lo, Stewart! H’lo, Jerry! <span
+class = "stagedir">Coming to the <span class =
+"smallcaps">Stidulphs</span>.</span>
+Dolly&mdash;&mdash;Colonel&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Smythe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Farncombe</span>.</span> I’ll be back in a minute or two;
+I’m just going to wash my hands.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Fulkerson.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Calling to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Farncombe</span>.</span> Hi! Eddie!</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Farncombe</span> crosses to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Fulkerson</span> and is presented by him to the <span class
+= "smallcaps">Stidulphs</span>. <span class = "smallcaps">Gabrielle
+Kato</span> enters at the right-hand door at the back, meeting <span
+class = "smallcaps">Smythe</span> as he is going out. The waiters have
+finished setting the plates of melon upon the tables and now withdraw,
+carrying the plated dishes and preceded by <span class =
+"smallcaps">Luigi</span>, at the door on the left.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">85</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Smythe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Gabrielle</span>.</span> Ha, Gabby, my dear! Quite well,
+eh?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Gabrielle.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">A pretty young woman with a fretful little
+face expressive of extreme dissatisfaction with the world&mdash;looking
+at <span class = "smallcaps">Smythe</span> spiritlessly.</span> This
+<i>is</i> a treat. Why, you haven’t been to see us for ages.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Smythe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Cunningly.</span> I see you all far oftener
+than you suspect.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Gabrielle.</p>
+
+<p>Do you? That <i>is</i> sly of you.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Smythe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Leaving her.</span> I’m just going to have a
+wash and brush up.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Gabrielle.</p>
+
+<p>Really? Oh, you <i>are</i> full of news.</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+He departs as <span class = "smallcaps">de Castro</span> approaches
+<span class = "smallcaps">Gabrielle</span>.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">De Castro.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">In a low voice.</span> Hullo, Gabth! How are
+you to-night?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Gabrielle.</p>
+
+<p>Oh, I’m all right, I s’pose. Isn’t it hot?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">De Castro.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Not at his ease with her.</span> It
+<i>ith</i> inclined that way.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">86</span>
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Daphne Dure</span>, <span class =
+"smallcaps">Nita Trevenna</span>, <span class = "smallcaps">Douglas
+Glynn</span>, and <span class = "smallcaps">Albert Palk</span> enter at
+the door on the left. <span class = "smallcaps">Nita</span> is a tall,
+handsome girl, <span class = "smallcaps">Daphne</span> a plump, little,
+fair, baby-faced thing. They are charmingly dressed, as are all the
+ladies of the Pandora Theatre. <span class = "smallcaps">Glynn</span>
+and <span class = "smallcaps">Palk</span>&mdash;the latter a short,
+thick-set man who might reasonably be a low comedian&mdash;are two
+professional-looking gentlemen of the best class. The arrivals are
+warmly hailed by <span class = "smallcaps">Fulkerson</span>, <span class
+= "smallcaps">Von Rettenmayer</span>, <span class =
+"smallcaps">Heneage</span>, and <span class =
+"smallcaps">Grimwood</span> and, with more reserve, by <span class =
+"smallcaps">Mrs. Stidulph</span>. <span class =
+"smallcaps">Stidulph</span> has seated himself wearily in the <ins class
+= "correction" title = "printed without hyphen">armchair</ins> on the
+nearer side of the fireplace and, beyond listening to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Bland</span> who is talking to him, has withdrawn himself
+from the proceedings.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Fulkerson.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Farncombe</span>.</span> Here’s Daphne Dure&mdash;and Nita
+Trevenna. <span class = "stagedir">Going to the new comers.</span>
+Hullo, Daphne! Hullo, Nita! How’r’yer, Douglas! Hullo, Albert!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Daphne and Nita.</p>
+
+<p>How d’ye do, Bertie? <span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Von Rettenmayer</span>.</span> How d’ye do, Von?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Kissing their hands.</span> Dear ladies!
+<span class = "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Glynn</span> and
+<span class = "smallcaps">Palk</span>.</span> Aha, Mr. Glynn&mdash;Mr.
+Balk&mdash;!</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">87</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Daphne and Nita.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Heneage</span>
+and <span class = "smallcaps">Grimwood</span>.</span> How d’ye do,
+Stewie? How d’ye do, Jerry? <span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Mrs. Stidulph</span>.</span> Oh, Dolly! That you, Dolly?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Stidulph.</p>
+
+<p>Well, girls!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Fulkerson.</p>
+
+<p>Here! I want to introdooce Lord Farncombe. Miss Dure&mdash;Miss
+Trevenna&mdash;Lord Farncombe. Douglas&mdash;Albert&mdash;Lord
+Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Nita.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Pouncing upon Cooling.</span> I say,
+Morris!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Cooling.</p>
+
+<p>What is it, my dear?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Nita.</p>
+
+<p>Is it true that little Kennedy’s met with an accident?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Cooling.</p>
+
+<p>Yes; can’t join us.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Fulkerson.</p>
+
+<p>The Dwarf! What’s happened?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Cooling.</p>
+
+<p>Ran his car into a ’bus, just outside the theatre.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Nita.</p>
+
+<p>Oh!</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">88</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Cooling.</p>
+
+<p>Pitched himself forward on to his head.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Nita.</p>
+
+<p>His head!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Daphne.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">With a simper.</span> Don’t be anxious,
+Nita; there’s nothing to hurt <i>there</i>.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p>Poor Dwarf!</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Gabrielle</span> and <span class =
+"smallcaps">de Castro</span> now move over to the others.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Fulkerson.</p>
+
+<p>Hullo, Gabs! Hullo, Sam!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Gabrielle.</p>
+
+<p>Ah, Bertie!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Kissing <span class =
+"smallcaps">Gabrielle’s</span> hand.</span> Gabrielle!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Gabrielle.</p>
+
+<p>Ah, Von! <span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Heneage</span> and <span class =
+"smallcaps">Grimwood</span>.</span> Ah, boys! <span class =
+"stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Mrs. Stidulph</span>.</span>
+How’r’ <i>you</i>?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">De Castro.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Shaking hands.</span>
+Daphne&mdash;Nita&mdash;Douglath&mdash;Albert&mdash;!</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">89</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Fulkerson.</p>
+
+<p>I want to introdooce Lord Farncombe. Miss Kato&mdash;Lord
+Farncombe&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+A band of musicians have mustered upon the landing and there is the
+sound of the tuning of instruments.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Cooling.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Hurrying across to the double-door.</span>
+No, no; no music yet. Wait for Miss Parradell! <span class =
+"stagedir">As he reaches the double-door, <span class =
+"smallcaps">Roper</span> enters quickly at the right-hand door at the
+back and seizes his arm.</span> Eh?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Cooling</span>.</span> It’s all right; she’ll be round in a
+minute.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Cooling.</p>
+
+<p>Amiable?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>Angelic. She’s wearing a new dress, and that’s taken her mind off
+it.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Cooling.</p>
+
+<p>Her bark’s always worse than her bite. I knew it ’ud blow over.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Formidably.</span> Oh, but I have given her
+such a talking to! <span class = "stagedir"><span class =
+"smallcaps">Cooling</span> passes through the double-door, and instructs
+the leader of the band, while <span class = "smallcaps">Roper</span>
+bustles over to the throng on the left.</span> Hul-lo! <span class =
+"stagedir">Imitating a street news-vendor.</span> Speshul edishun,
+cricket, py-per! <span class = "stagedir">Shaking hands all
+round.</span> Dolly&mdash;Nita&mdash;Gabs&mdash;
+<span class = "pagenum">90</span>
+Daphne! Douglas&mdash;Albert! Ah, here you are, Farncombe! <span class =
+"stagedir">Discovering <span class = "smallcaps">Stidulph</span>.</span>
+Hul-lo, Colonel! Results, py-per, extry speshul!</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Enid Moncreiff</span>, <span class =
+"smallcaps">Wilfrid Tavish</span>, and <span class =
+"smallcaps">Sigismund Shirley</span> enter at the right-hand door at the
+back. <span class = "smallcaps">Enid</span> is a long, spare-figured
+girl with the lissom walk of a dancer; <span class =
+"smallcaps">Tavish</span> and <span class = "smallcaps">Shirley</span>
+are tall, clean-shaven men of gentlemanlike appearance. <span class =
+"smallcaps">Von Rettenmayer</span> makes for <span class =
+"smallcaps">Enid</span> eagerly and is followed, at a more moderate
+pace, by <span class = "smallcaps">Heneage, Grimwood</span>, and <span
+class = "smallcaps">de Castro</span>, and by <span class =
+"smallcaps">Fulkerson</span> bringing <span class =
+"smallcaps">Farncombe</span>.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p>Miss Mongreiff! <span class = "stagedir">Kissing <span class =
+"smallcaps">Enid’s</span> hand with fervour.</span> Your dancing was
+more zurprizing to-night than ever. <span class = "stagedir">To <span
+class = "smallcaps">Tavish</span> and <span class =
+"smallcaps">Shirley</span>.</span> Aha, my friends!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Enid.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Shaking hands with <span class =
+"smallcaps">Heneage</span>, <span class = "smallcaps">Grimwood</span>,
+and <span class = "smallcaps">de Castro</span>.</span> Well, Stew! How
+are you, Jerry! Sam!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Fulkerson.</p>
+
+<p>I want to introdooce Lord Farncombe. Miss Moncreiff&mdash;Lord
+Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Hurrying across.</span> Hul-lo, here’s
+Enid!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">De Castro.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Shaking hands with <span class =
+"smallcaps">Tavish</span> and <span class =
+"smallcaps">Shirley</span>.</span> Piethe went thplendidly thith
+evenin’, didn’t it?</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">91</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Fulkerson.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Shaking hands with <span class =
+"smallcaps">Tavish</span> and <span class =
+"smallcaps">Shirley</span>.</span> I&nbsp;want to introdooce Lord
+Farncombe. Mr. Tavish&mdash;Mr. Shirley&mdash;Lord Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Enid.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Coming forward to greet <span class =
+"smallcaps">Mrs. Stidulph</span> who advances to her.</span> Dolly
+dear!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Stidulph.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Embracing <span class =
+"smallcaps">Enid</span>.</span> Enid darling! Good gracious, you’re
+becoming an absolute skeleton!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Enid.</p>
+
+<p>Indeed? Well, no one can say that of <i>you</i>.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Stidulph.</p>
+
+<p>It <i>is</i> a pleasure, meeting all you girls <ins class =
+"correction" title = "hyphen invisible">to-night</ins>. Of course, one
+can’t help seeing <i>changes</i>.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Enid.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Icily.</span> Ah, it must be a pleasure,
+<i>that</i>.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Stidulph.</p>
+
+<p>I’m going to scold dear old Carlton by-and-by. He never gave
+<i>me</i> a birthday-party when I was with him.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Enid.</p>
+
+<p>No; and you had so many birthdays here, hadn’t you?</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Cooling</span> returns, entering from the
+landing, and,
+<span class = "pagenum">92</span>
+after looking at the assembly, goes out at the right-hand door at the
+back. At the same moment, <span class = "smallcaps">Flo Connify</span>,
+<span class = "smallcaps">Sybil Dermott</span>, <span class =
+"smallcaps">Olga Cook</span>, and <span class = "smallcaps">Evangeline
+Ventris</span>&mdash;four statuesque beauties with impassive
+faces&mdash;enter at the door on the left. <span class =
+"smallcaps">Olga</span> is in a dark gown and <span class =
+"smallcaps">Evangeline</span> is wearing a rather elaborate head-dress.
+Instantly there is a movement in the direction of the new arrivals on
+the part of <span class = "smallcaps">Roper</span>, <span class =
+"smallcaps">Heneage</span>, and <span class = "smallcaps">Grimwood. De
+Castro</span> and <span class = "smallcaps">Fulkerson</span> follow,
+<span class = "smallcaps">Fulkerson</span> still leading <span class =
+"smallcaps">Farncombe</span> about with him. <span class =
+"smallcaps">Mrs. Stidulph</span> turns from <span class =
+"smallcaps">Enid</span> disdainfully and joins <span class =
+"smallcaps">Nita</span> and <span class = "smallcaps">Daphne</span> at
+the fireplace. <span class = "smallcaps">Tavish</span> and <span class =
+"smallcaps">Shirley</span> also move to the left, where they come upon
+<span class = "smallcaps">Stidulph</span> and shake hands with him,
+while <span class = "smallcaps">Von Rettenmayer</span> and <span class =
+"smallcaps">Enid</span>, the latter flushed with victory, seat
+themselves upon the settee on the right.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Hastening to the beauties.</span> Hul-lo!
+Show your tickets, please! Room inside for four! <span class =
+"stagedir">Shaking hands.</span> How are you, Flo! How are you, Sybil!
+How are you, Olga! I <i>say</i>, look at ’Vangy!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">The Four Beauties.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">As the men shake hands with them,
+mechanically.</span> How d’ye do? How d’ye do? How d’ye do? How d’ye
+do?</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">93</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Fulkerson.</p>
+
+<p>Here! I want to introdooce Lord Farncombe. Miss Connify&mdash;Lord
+Farncombe. Miss Dermott&mdash;Miss Cook&mdash;Miss ’Vangy
+Ventris&mdash;Lord Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">The Four Beauties.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">As before.</span> How d’ye do? How d’ye do?
+How d’ye do? How d’ye do?</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Cooling</span> hurries back.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Cooling.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To everybody.</span> Miss Parradell! <span
+class = "stagedir">Opening the double-door and signalling to the leader
+of the band.</span> Now!</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+The band strikes up the air of “Mind the Paint� as <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span> enters at the right-hand door at the back with
+<span class = "smallcaps">Jimmie Birch</span>. <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span> is dressed in white, and altogether fulfils
+exteriorly <span class = "smallcaps">Roper’s</span> description of
+“angelic.� She carries a large bouquet of lilies and pale roses with a
+broad ribbon flowing from it. All the men but <span class =
+"smallcaps">Farncombe</span>, who holds aloof, press round her, <span
+class = "smallcaps">Stidulph</span> rising and joining them. The ladies
+follow.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">The Men.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Struggling for her hand.</span> Many happy
+returns of day! Many happy returns of the day! Many happy returns of the
+day!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Battling with the men.</span> Keep away from
+her! Bertie, you’re on her frock! Mind her frock!</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">94</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>Mind the paint!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Some of the Men.</p>
+
+<p>Ha, ha, ha!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Holding her bouquet above her head.</span>
+My roses! Be careful of me, boys! One at a time!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">The Men.</p>
+
+<p>Many happy returns of the day!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>I want to kiss the girls. Girls&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+The men make way for the ladies who come to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span>.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">The Ladies.</p>
+
+<p>Many happy returns of the day!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Embracing them.</span>
+Sybil&mdash;Nita&mdash;! Oh, Mrs.
+Stidulph!&mdash;Enid&mdash;Daphne&mdash;Gabs&mdash;Flo
+dear&mdash;Olga&mdash;’Vangy&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Palk.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Suddenly.</span> Here’s the guv’nor!</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Smythe</span> enters at the door on the left.
+<span class = "smallcaps">Luigi</span> and the waiters are behind him,
+the waiters carrying trays on which are sugar-casters and dishes of
+powdered ginger. At once there is a movement towards <span class =
+"smallcaps">Smythe</span> of everybody except those who have already
+<span class = "pagenum">95</span>
+greeted him, and <span class = "smallcaps">Lily</span> who is detained
+by <span class = "smallcaps">Roper</span> and others.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Tavish.</p>
+
+<p>How are you, guv’nor?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Some of the Ladies.</p>
+
+<p>How d’ye do, Mr. Smythe?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Other Ladies.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Hustling him.</span> How are you,
+Carlton?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Smythe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">In the midst of them all.</span> Girls,
+girls! I’ll shake hands with you all in turn, girls.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Enid.</p>
+
+<p>Thought you were dead.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Daphne.</p>
+
+<p>Yes; look at Olga&mdash;she’s in deep mourning.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Some of the Ladies.</p>
+
+<p>Ha, ha, ha!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Smythe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Shaking hands.</span> Don’t, girls, don’t;
+you’re smothering me.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">During a momentary lull, finding <span class
+= "smallcaps">Farncombe</span> standing before her and raising her
+eyebrows.</span> You! <span class = "stagedir">Giving him her hand
+carelessly.</span> Oh, it isn’t long before we meet again, is it?</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">96</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Smythe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Puffing and blowing.</span> That’s the lot
+of yer. Phew! Where’s Lily? Lily here? <span class = "stagedir">The
+crowd divides, to allow him to advance. Seeing <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span>, he opens his arms and she goes to him and lays
+her head upon his breast.</span> Lil&mdash; <span class =
+"stagedir">patting her shoulders</span> my dear!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Half gaily, half tearfully.</span> Ha, ha,
+ha! Carlton!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Smythe.</p>
+
+<p>Go’blessyer! <span class = "stagedir">In another tone.</span> Well,
+what about something to eat!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Luigi.</p>
+
+<p>Ready, Mr. Smythe. <span class = "stagedir">Loudly.</span> Ladies and
+gentlemen, supper is ready!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Smythe.</p>
+
+<p>Ha!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Cooling.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">At the principal table.</span> Here you are,
+Chief! Miss Parradell!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Smythe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span>.</span> Come along!</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+There is a general hunt for places and much hubbub and confusion.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Cooling.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Calling to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Roper</span>.</span> Lal, that’s your table.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">97</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Imitating a shop-walker.</span> Mr. Roper,
+forward!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Cooling.</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Stidulph! Lord Farncombe! <span class = "stagedir">Pointing to
+another table.</span> Glynn, you’re there.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Bland.</p>
+
+<p>Here you are, Daphne!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">At his table.</span> Miss Kato, wanted!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">De Castro.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Calling to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Gabrielle</span>.</span> Gabth!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Nita.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Calling to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Heneage</span>.</span> Stewie!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Cooling.</p>
+
+<p>Baron&mdash;Enid&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p>Aha!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Cooling.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Stidulph</span>.</span> Over there, Colonel.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Fulkerson.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Wandering about.</span> Where am <i>I</i>?
+Where am <i>I</i>?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Nita.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Pushing him aside.</span> Oh, be off!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Calling.</span> Jimmie!</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">98</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Cooling.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">At his place at a table.</span> Olga, you’re
+here. Mr. Grimwood!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Fulkerson.</p>
+
+<p>Where am <i>I</i>?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Fulkerson</span>.</span> Next to me, worse luck. <span class
+= "stagedir">Screwing up her face at him.</span> Ugh!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>Ladies’ mantles on the second-floor!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Cooling.</p>
+
+<p>Where’s Sybil?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Daphne.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Calling.</span> Syb! Syb!</p>
+
+<p class = "scenedesc">
+<a name = "act2b" id = "act2b">The curtain falls</a>, but the music of
+“Mind the Paint� continues for a while. Then it ceases and, after a
+short silence, the curtain rises again. The supper-tables have
+disappeared and the saloon is empty of people. The musicians and their
+music-stands and stools have also gone, and faintly from the distance
+comes the sound of a waltz. Two settees, matching the rest of the
+furniture, now stand in the centre of the saloon back-to-back, one of
+them facing the counter, the other facing the spectator. <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily’s</span> bouquet lies on the nearer of the two settees,
+and upon the floor there is a fan, a&nbsp;red rose that has fallen from
+a lady’s corsage, and a pocket-handkerchief with a powder-puff
+<span class = "pagenum">99</span>
+peeping from it. On the counter there are carafes of lemonade, decanters
+of spirits and syphons of soda-water, a&nbsp;bowl of
+strawberries-and-cream, various dishes of cakes, boxes of cigars and
+cigarettes, a&nbsp;lighted spirit-lamp, and other adjuncts of a buffet.
+<span class = "smallcaps">Colonel Stidulph</span> wanders in through the
+double-door as the waltz comes to an end. Feebly and dejectedly he goes
+to the counter, takes a cigarette, and is lighting it when <span class =
+"smallcaps">Luigi</span> and the waiters enter the door on the left. Two
+of the waiters are carrying bottles of champagne in wine-coolers,
+another brings a tray on which are champagne-glasses and tumblers, and
+the bearded waiter follows with a large dish of sandwiches.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Luigi.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Behind the counter&mdash;to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Stidulph</span>, familiarly.</span> Ain’t you dancing,
+Colonel?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Stidulph.</p>
+
+<p>Dancing&mdash;I? <span class = "stagedir">Shaking his head.</span>
+No.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Luigi.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Who speaks Cockney English with a slight
+foreign ascent&mdash;cutting the wire of a champagne bottle.</span> Why,
+you used to be a regular slap-up dancing man when I first knew you.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Stidulph.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Nodding.</span> Ah, ah; <span class =
+"stagedir">moving away</span> my dancing days are done.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">100</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Luigi.</p>
+
+<p>Done! Oh, I&nbsp;like that! I bet you ain’t sixty, come now, eh?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Stidulph.</p>
+
+<p>What’s the time, Luigi? I haven’t a watch on.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Luigi.</p>
+
+<p>Time, Colonel? <span class = "stagedir">Looking at his watch.</span>
+Twenty to three.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Stidulph.</p>
+
+<p>No later? <span class = "stagedir">Sitting on the settee on the
+right, with a sigh.</span> Oh, dear!</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+One of the waiters goes out, in obedience to a direction from <span
+class = "smallcaps">Luigi</span>, at the door on the left as <span class
+= "smallcaps">Heneage</span> enters with <span class =
+"smallcaps">Enid</span>, <span class = "smallcaps">Grimwood</span> with
+<span class = "smallcaps">Nita</span>, and <span class = "smallcaps">Von
+Rettenmayer</span> with <span class = "smallcaps">Mrs. Stidulph</span>
+at the right-hand door at the back. A&nbsp;wisp of hair has fallen over
+<span class = "smallcaps">Heneage’s</span> forehead, <span class =
+"smallcaps">Grimwood</span> looks somewhat downcast, and <span class =
+"smallcaps">Von Rettenmayer</span> is obviously bored by <span class =
+"smallcaps">Mrs. Stidulph</span>.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Enid.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Heneage</span>,
+walking across to the left.</span> Never been to Ostend! You’ve never
+been born, then. I’m counting the hours to my holiday. <span class =
+"stagedir">Sitting in the chair on the nearer side of the
+fireplace.</span> Hôtel de la Plage. Why don’t you run over while I’m
+there?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Nita.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Grimwood</span>, following <span class =
+"smallcaps">Enid</span>.</span> My dear boy, I
+<span class = "pagenum">101</span>
+give you my solemn word it wasn’t you. It was that fool Bertie. Anyhow,
+it’s a rotten old frock. <span class = "stagedir">Showing a small rent
+in her skirt to <span class = "smallcaps">Enid</span>, gaily.</span>
+Pom, pa-ra, rom, pom, pom!</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Heneage</span> and <span class =
+"smallcaps">Grimwood</span> go to the counter, secure a waiter, and
+return with him to <span class = "smallcaps">Enid</span> and <span class
+= "smallcaps">Nita</span>. The waiter receives his orders and presently
+fetches the ladies glasses of lemonade.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Stidulph.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Whispering to <span class = "smallcaps">Von
+Rettenmayer</span>.</span> Well! Did you ever! Just fancy!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Absently, looking at <span class =
+"smallcaps">Enid</span>.</span> I&nbsp;beg your bardon?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Stidulph.</p>
+
+<p>Fancy those two girls walking into a room before <i>us</i>! <span
+class = "stagedir">Discovering the fan upon the floor.</span> Oh,
+I&nbsp;do believe that’s my fan!</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Von Rettenmayer</span> restores the fan to
+<span class = "smallcaps">Mrs. Stidulph</span> as <span class =
+"smallcaps">Roper</span> and <span class = "smallcaps">Gabrielle</span>
+enter at the door on the left.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Gabrielle.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Roper</span>,
+in a low, complaining voice.</span> It’s a shame of you; that’s what it
+is. You went and put Lily Parradell into rubber and enabled <i>her</i>
+to make a bit. She told us so.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>Yes; but how long ago?</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">102</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Gabrielle.</p>
+
+<p>That’s not the point. The point is, it’s always Lily Parradell with
+you; you never do anything for us other girls.</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+She sits upon the nearer settee in the centre and she and <span class =
+"smallcaps">Roper</span>, he standing by her, continue their
+conversation.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Stidulph.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Von
+Rettenmayer</span>.</span> No, thanks; I’m on a diet. Didn’t you notice
+me at supper? <span class = "stagedir">Moving to the settee on the
+right.</span> Let’s sit. <span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Stidulph</span>.</span> Oh, get up. <span class =
+"stagedir"><span class = "smallcaps">Stidulph</span> rises
+quickly.</span> Why aren’t you dancing? If you don’t dance, go home and
+put yourself to bed. You might, for all the good you’re doing here.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Stidulph.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">With a forced, painful laugh.</span> Ha, ha!
+Ha, ha, ha!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">As <span class = "smallcaps">Mrs.
+Stidulph</span> seats herself.</span> Blenty of room for you too,
+Golonel.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Stidulph.</p>
+
+<p>No, no; I won’t inconvenience you.</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+He moves away and <span class = "smallcaps">Von Rettenmayer</span> sits
+beside <span class = "smallcaps">Mrs. Stidulph</span>. The waiter who
+has previously gone out now returns at the door on the left with a tray
+of ices in paper cases. He goes to the counter for a supply of
+ice-spoons as <span class = "smallcaps">Farncombe</span> enters with
+<span class = "pagenum">103</span>
+<span class = "smallcaps">Lily</span> at the right-hand door at the
+back. Her cheeks are flushed, her eyes sparkling.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">All his attention suddenly directed to <span
+class = "smallcaps">Lily</span> and <span class =
+"smallcaps">Farncombe</span>.</span> Here’s Lil!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Excitedly, seizing <span class =
+"smallcaps">Stidulph’s</span> hand.</span> You’re not dancing, Colonel
+Stidulph. <span class = "stagedir">Showing him her programme.</span>
+Dance with me. I’ll make one of the others give up a dance for you.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Stidulph.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Going to the counter.</span> No, no; I’m too
+old.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Too old for dancing! I shall never be too old for dancing. <span
+class = "stagedir">Coming to the nearer settee in the centre, picking up
+her bouquet, and sitting beside <span class =
+"smallcaps">Gabrielle</span>.</span> Ah-h-h-h!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Farncombe</span>, who follows <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span>.</span> Hul-lo! <span class =
+"stagedir">Beaming.</span> Jolly party, hey, Farncombe?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Boyishly.</span> Lovely! <span class =
+"stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Lily</span>.</span> May I bring
+you some lemonade&mdash;an ice&mdash;&mdash;?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Looking up at him.</span> You may keep on
+bringing
+<span class = "pagenum">104</span>
+me ices till the music starts again. <span class = "stagedir"><span
+class = "smallcaps">Farncombe</span> leaves her.</span> Gabby, wasn’t
+that waltz delicious!</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Palk</span> and <span class =
+"smallcaps">Sybil</span> enter at the door on the left. <span class =
+"smallcaps">Sybil</span> seats herself beside <span class =
+"smallcaps">Nita</span> on the fender-stool and <span class =
+"smallcaps">Palk</span> fetches her some refreshment.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Gabrielle.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Lily</span>,
+drearily.</span> I say, Lil.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>What?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Gabrielle.</p>
+
+<p>How much did you make out of rubber last year through Lal?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Rubber, rubber, rubber? Br-r-r-rh! I don’t know. <span class =
+"stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Roper</span>.</span> How
+much?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>Four-fifty.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Gabrielle.</p>
+
+<p>There!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>I did my house up with it&mdash;gave the job to young Charlie Ramsden
+who’s gone in for decorating&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>Yes, and blued the whole lot at one go!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Laughing.</span> Blued it completely. Ha,
+ha, ha!
+<span class = "pagenum">105</span>
+<span class = "stagedir">Singing.</span> “What does the blue sea Whisper
+to me-ee&mdash;!� <span class = "stagedir"><span class =
+"smallcaps">Farncombe</span> appears at her side with the waiter
+carrying the ices.</span> Ices!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Leaving <span class =
+"smallcaps">Gabrielle</span> and, with his hands in his pockets, walking
+about exultingly.</span> Ices, sweets or chocolates, full piano-score!
+Hul-lo, here! Ha, ha, ha!</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Glynn</span> and <span class =
+"smallcaps">Olga</span> and <span class = "smallcaps">de Castro</span>
+and <span class = "smallcaps">Evangeline</span> have entered at the
+right-hand door at the back. <span class = "smallcaps">Olga</span> and
+<span class = "smallcaps">Evangeline</span> seat themselves upon the
+further settee in the centre and <span class = "smallcaps">Glynn</span>
+and <span class = "smallcaps">de Castro</span> summon a waiter to attend
+upon them. <span class = "smallcaps">Shirley</span> and <span class =
+"smallcaps">Flo</span> now enter at the door on the left and go to the
+counter. At the same moment <span class = "smallcaps">Smythe</span>,
+<span class = "smallcaps">Cooling</span>, and <span class =
+"smallcaps">Tavish</span> enter at the right-hand door at the back,
+<span class = "smallcaps">Smythe</span> smoking a huge cigar. They also
+stand at the counter and are served with drinks by <span class =
+"smallcaps">Luigi</span>. <span class = "smallcaps">Lily</span> and
+<span class = "smallcaps">Gabrielle</span> having each taken an ice, the
+waiter with the ices moves away and offers his ices to the other ladies.
+Another waiter carries round a tray on which are a box of cigarettes and
+the spirit-lamp, and the bearded waiter moves about with the dish of
+sandwiches. Some of the ladies light cigarettes, a&nbsp;few of the men
+take sandwiches.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Cooling.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">As he enters with <span class =
+"smallcaps">Smythe</span> and <span class =
+"smallcaps">Tavish</span>.</span> Haw,
+<span class = "pagenum">106</span>
+haw, haw! You’re wonderful, Chief. <span class = "stagedir">To <span
+class = "smallcaps">Tavish</span>.</span> The Chief’s in great form,
+Willy. <span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Stidulph</span>.</span> Colonel, listen to the Chief.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Stidulph.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Von
+Rettenmayer</span>, confidentially.</span> Of course, this is strictly
+between ourselves&mdash;though I almost hinted as much to
+Smythe&mdash;but the fact is the Pandora isn’t in the least what it
+<i>was</i>, Karl.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p>Noding is what it was, my dear Dolly, and nobody.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Stidulph.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Fanning herself.</span> I suppose he can’t
+find the artists; <i>that’s</i> it. If you don’t have the
+artists&mdash;! <span class = "stagedir">Shutting up her fan.</span> You
+recollect my “Polly Taggart� in <i>The Merry Milliner</i>?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Stifling a yawn.</span> Gharming;
+gharming.</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Farncombe</span> is bending over <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span> while she is eating her ice and they are talking
+lightly but intently. <span class = "smallcaps">Gabrielle</span>,
+finding that she is “out of it,� rises with a pout and, carrying her
+plate, joins the ladies and men who are at the fireplace. <span class =
+"smallcaps">Bland</span> enters with <span class =
+"smallcaps">Jimmie</span> at the door on the left.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Stidulph.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Von
+Rettenmayer</span>.</span> I hate blowing my own trumpet, but I was
+looking through my press-cuttings
+<span class = "pagenum">107</span>
+only yesterday. <i>I’ve</i> never seen such notices as I had for “Polly
+Taggart.�</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Closing his eyes.</span> Vavourable?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Stidulph.</p>
+
+<p>Favourable! They make me blush to read them. Stupid of me; but they
+make me blush, positively.</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Jimmie</span> comes to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span>, <span class = "smallcaps">Bland</span>
+following her. On her way she sees the handkerchief and powder-puff
+lying upon the floor.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p>Why, <i>there</i> it is! <span class = "stagedir">Picking up the
+handkerchief and puff, and rubbing the puff, which is an extremely
+ragged one, over her nose&mdash;singing sentimentally.</span> “There are
+no friends like the old friends, The constant, tried, and true;&mdash;�
+<span class = "stagedir">Sitting beside <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span>.</span> Room for a little ’un?</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Lily</span>, without interrupting her talk
+with <span class = "smallcaps">Farncombe</span>, lays her hand on <span
+class = "smallcaps">Jimmie’s</span> for a moment.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Bland.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Jimmie</span>.</span> Bring you anything?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Wrapping the puff in the handkerchief
+tenderly and slipping it into her bosom.</span> A&nbsp;liqueur of petrol
+and a lucifer-match.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">108</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Bland.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Leaving her.</span> Oh, go on!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Stidulph.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Von
+Rettenmayer</span>.</span> And then to give it all up, as I was idiot
+enough to do when I married, and for a life as dull as ditch-water! If
+ever a woman sacrificed herself in this world&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Fulkerson</span> and <span class =
+"smallcaps">Daphne</span> enter at the door on the left and hurry to the
+counter.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Fulkerson.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Boisterously.</span> Time! Time! <span class
+= "stagedir">To those standing at the counter.</span> ’Low me. ’Low me.
+<span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Luigi</span>.</span> Glass o’ lemonade and a
+whiskey-and-soda. Quick with the whiskey-and-soda.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Stidulph.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Von
+Rettenmayer</span>.</span> But I don’t intend to stick to <i>that</i>
+arrangement. If I can’t get back into the theatres, there are the halls!
+I&nbsp;was telling the Colonel this morning&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Appearing before <span class =
+"smallcaps">Mrs. Stidulph</span>, his programme in his hand.</span>
+Ours, Dolly.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Rising with alacrity.</span> Aha! <span
+class = "stagedir">Bowing to <span class = "smallcaps">Mrs.
+Stidulph</span>.</span> I&nbsp;yield with relugtance.</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Roper</span> sits beside <span class =
+"smallcaps">Mrs. Stidulph</span> and <span class = "smallcaps">Von
+Rettenmayer</span> hastens to <span class = "smallcaps">Enid</span>.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">109</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Mrs.
+Stidulph</span>.</span> Another waltz.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Daphne.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Heneage</span>,
+who is claiming her.</span> Wait till I’ve finished my drink,
+Stewie.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Bland.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Nita</span>.</span> Nita.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Nita.</p>
+
+<p>No; this is with Douglas.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Bland.</p>
+
+<p>Nothing o’ the sort.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Nita.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Referring to her programme.</span> You’re
+correct; my mistake.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">De Castro.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Coming to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Gabrielle</span> who is talking to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Sybil</span>.</span> Gabth.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Gabrielle.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Dolefully.</span> Oh, you again!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">De Castro.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Mortified.</span> Afraid tho.</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+The sound of distant music is again heard, and there is a great deal of
+bustle as the men claim their partners. <span class =
+"smallcaps">Tavish</span> goes to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Evangeline</span>, <span class = "smallcaps">Grimwood</span>
+to, <span class = "smallcaps">Flo</span>, <span class =
+"smallcaps">Palk</span> and <span class = "smallcaps">Glynn</span> to
+<span class = "smallcaps">Olga</span> and <span class =
+"smallcaps">Sybil</span>, and gradually the assemblage melts away.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">110</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Fulkerson.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Coming to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Jimmie</span>, who is conning her programme, and standing
+before her&mdash;reading from his programme.</span> “<i>Vawlse. Cry dee
+cure.</i>�</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">With withering accuracy.</span> “<i>Valse.
+Cri de cœur.</i>�</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Fulkerson.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Wagging his head.</span> Very likely. Come
+along, Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Rising and shaking herself out.</span> Jane
+to you, <i>if</i> you please.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Fulkerson.</p>
+
+<p>Tosh!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p>I was christened Jane, <i>Herbert</i>.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Fulkerson.</p>
+
+<p>Well, I wasn’t at the christening, see.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p>No; but if you are not more careful of those feet of yours while
+you’re waltzing, you <i>will</i> be at my funeral.</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+She takes his arm and they go out at the door on the left. <span class =
+"smallcaps">Smythe</span>, <span class = "smallcaps">Stidulph</span>,
+<span class = "smallcaps">Cooling</span>, and <span class =
+"smallcaps">Shirley</span> follow, talking together. All the couples
+have now disappeared except <span class = "smallcaps">Von
+Rettenmayer</span> and <span class = "smallcaps">Enid</span> and <span
+class = "smallcaps">Farncombe</span> and <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span>. <span class = "smallcaps">Von
+Rettenmayer</span> and
+<span class = "pagenum">111</span>
+<span class = "smallcaps">Enid</span> are at the counter, where <span
+class = "smallcaps">Luigi</span> is giving <span class = "smallcaps">Von
+Rettenmayer</span> a glass of champagne, and the waiters are busying
+themselves in collecting the soiled glasses, plates, etc., which have
+been left upon the mantel-piece and chairs. The bearded waiter comes to
+<span class = "smallcaps">Lily</span> and she hands him her plate.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span>.</span> Shall we go down?</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+She rises, leaving her bouquet upon the settee, and is about to put her
+arm through <span class = "smallcaps">Farncombe’s</span> when she checks
+herself and looks at her programme.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Frowning.</span> Tsss!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>Eh?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">In a low voice.</span> One, two, three,
+four&mdash;! Why, this&mdash;this is our fifth dance!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Softly.</span> Yes.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Five out of eight!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Looking at his programme.</span> And 10, 12,
+and 14 are mine, too.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">112</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">With a movement of her shoulders, accepting
+his arm.</span> How unfair!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">As they go to the right-hand door at the
+back.</span> Unfair?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>To the others. I can’t think what made me so thoughtless.</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+They disappear. Two of the waiters carry out the soiled glasses, etc.;
+another follows with the ices, and the bearded waiter with the
+strawberries-and-cream. After a while, <span class =
+"smallcaps">Luigi</span> also withdraws.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Enid.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Leaving the counter with <span class =
+"smallcaps">Von Rettenmayer</span>.</span> Well, what did you say to
+him?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p>I told him the biece wants lifding in the zecond aggd and that he
+ought to gif you anoder dance.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Enid.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">On the right.</span> What did <i>he</i>
+say?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p>He will think it over!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Enid.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Scornfully.</span> Ha! That’s Smythe’s
+invariable formula, cunning old fox!</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">113</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p>But we are to dalk aboud it lader. I am waiding to ged him alone.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Enid.</p>
+
+<p>Pff! <i>You</i> won’t get him alone, you stupid; <i>he’ll</i> take
+precious good care of that. <span class = "stagedir">Finding that <span
+class = "smallcaps">Luigi</span> and the waiters have departed, and
+walking across to the left.</span> Ah, but it isn’t dancing my mind’s
+dwelling on just now, dear boy.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Following her.</span> Nod?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Enid.</p>
+
+<p>It’s rest I’m yearning for&mdash;my holiday!&mdash;rest for my weary
+bones. <span class = "stagedir">Turning to him without a sign of
+disturbance.</span> Karl, I’m simply bursting with rage.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p>Rage?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Enid.</p>
+
+<p>That wretched hotel at Ostend&mdash;the Plage! They’ve the confounded
+impudence to ask me a hundred-and-twenty-five francs a day for two
+cubby-holes on the third floor, for my aunt and me.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p>Monsdrous. <span class = "stagedir">With a shrug.</span> But Ostend
+is&mdash;Ostend.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Enid.</p>
+
+<p>Thanks for the information. Is that all the sympathy you can
+offer?</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">114</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p>Bardon. <span class = "stagedir">Humbly.</span> There may be gheaper
+hodels.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Enid.</p>
+
+<p>Where the common people pay for their beds and meals with Cook’s
+coupons! <span class = "stagedir">Sitting upon the arm of the further
+settee in the centre and swinging her feet.</span> Oh, it doesn’t
+matter. I&nbsp;suppose it’ll have to be Swanage, or some brisk resort of
+that description. <span class = "stagedir">Sighing.</span> So be it!
+<span class = "stagedir">Humming.</span> Tra, lal, lal,
+la&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Sitting on the nearer settee in the centre,
+close to her, with an anxious expression.</span>
+A&nbsp;hundred-and-twendy-five frangks a day?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Enid.</p>
+
+<p>Including nothing&mdash;absolutely nothing!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Biting his nails.</span> Prezisely! There’s
+the eading and dringking.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Enid.</p>
+
+<p>One can’t starve, that’s certain.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p>Which would amound to&mdash;&mdash;?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Enid.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Watching him out of the corner of her
+eye.</span> I&nbsp;believe aunt and I could manage to feed ourselves on
+forty francs a day&mdash;or fifty&mdash;at a pinch.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">115</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">His face growing longer and longer.</span>
+A&nbsp;hundred-and-twendy-five&mdash;and fifdy&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Enid.</p>
+
+<p>A hundred-and-seventy-five. <span class = "stagedir">Stroking his
+hair with a finger.</span> Call it two hundred.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Leaning back appalled.</span> Fifdy-sigs
+bounds a weeg!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Enid.</p>
+
+<p>Sixty, in round figures.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p>For a fordnight?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Enid.</p>
+
+<p>Oh, no, dear; a fortnight’s no use.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p>But one begomes sig of a blace afder a fordnight.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Enid.</p>
+
+<p>If you only go for enjoyment; not if you go for rest&mdash;rest.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p>Three weegs, then?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Enid.</p>
+
+<p>A month. Smythe gives me the whole of August.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">116</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Passing his hand across his forehead.</span>
+A&nbsp;month!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Enid.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Rising and carefully picking a piece of
+fluff from her skirt.</span> We’re losing this dance. Shall we have a
+turn?</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+He gets to his feet with some difficulty and then faces her.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Breathing heavily.</span>
+Enid&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Enid.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Guilelessly.</span> Yes?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Putting his heels together and bowing to
+her.</span> If you would permid me to be your bangker during your sday
+at Ostend&mdash;four weegs&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Enid.</p>
+
+<p>Karl<ins class = "correction" title = "no punctuation visible in text">&mdash;&mdash;</ins></p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p>I should be mosd gradified.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Enid.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Going to him.</span> I couldn’t. Such an
+obligation!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Bowing again.</span> On my side.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">117</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Enid.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Giving him her hands.</span> Of course, I’d
+defray my travelling expenses, and tips and
+incidentals&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Raising her hands to his lips.</span>
+Ah!&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Enid.</p>
+
+<p>Not a penny of those should fall on you. <span class =
+"stagedir">Withdrawing her hands quickly and backing away from
+him.</span> H’sh!</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Stidulph</span> enters at the door on the left
+and again wanders to the counter.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Stidulph.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Taking another cigarette.</span> You’re
+missing a very pretty waltz, Miss Moncreiff.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Enid.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Going to the door on the left, <span class =
+"smallcaps">Von Rettenmayer</span> following her.</span> I&nbsp;was just
+saying so to the Baron.</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Enid</span> and <span class = "smallcaps">Von
+Rettenmayer</span> disappear. <span class = "smallcaps">Stidulph</span>
+lights his cigarette and is leaving the counter when <span class =
+"smallcaps">Gabrielle</span> and <span class = "smallcaps">de
+Castro</span> enter at the right-hand door at the back, <span class =
+"smallcaps">de Castro</span> looking exceedingly sulky.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Stidulph.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Gabrielle</span> and <span class = "smallcaps">de
+Castro</span>.</span> Ah, Miss Kato; ah, Sam! A&nbsp;pleasant party,
+eh?</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">118</span>
+<p class = "speaker">De Castro.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Shortly.</span> Yeth. <span class =
+"stagedir"><span class = "smallcaps">Stidulph</span> goes out at the
+right-hand door at the back. <span class = "smallcaps">De Castro</span>
+crosses to the left and then turns to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Gabrielle</span>.</span> Dam pleathant party!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Gabrielle.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Dolefully.</span> Well, don’t make a
+scene.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">De Castro.</p>
+
+<p>Thene! <i>I’m</i> not makin’ a thene. Walkin’ away from me in the
+middle of a danthe and leavin’ me thtandin’ thtarin’ after you like a
+detherted child! <i>You’re</i> makin’ the thene!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Gabrielle.</p>
+
+<p>I’m very sorry.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">De Castro.</p>
+
+<p>I’m jutht ath good a waltzther ath anyone here, and better than
+motht. <span class = "stagedir">Waving his arms.</span> If you’re tired
+of me, announthe the fact quietly. Don’t go and wipe your bootth on me
+in public, becauthe that hurtth my pride.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Gabrielle.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">With a little twist of her body.</span>
+I&nbsp;can’t do more than apologise. First time I’ve ever done
+<i>that</i> to a man.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">De Castro.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Coming to her, mollified.</span> I don’t
+athk it, Gabth; I&nbsp;don’t athk it. All I athk&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Gabrielle.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Sitting on the nearer settee in the
+centre.</span> If I’m rude,
+<span class = "pagenum">119</span>
+it’s owing to my low spirits. I’m so shockingly low-spirited.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">De Castro.</p>
+
+<p>I know you are, and I make allowanthes for yer. I&nbsp;repeat, all I
+athk&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Gabrielle.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Gazing at vacancy.</span> Mine’s a strange
+nature. <i>On</i> the stage, I’m liveliness itself&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">De Castro.</p>
+
+<p>A perfect little lump o’ talent! I’ve been tellin’ Carlton
+tho&mdash;perthuadin’ him to introduthe an extra thong for you in Act
+Two.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Gabrielle.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Looking at <span class = "smallcaps">de
+Castro</span>.</span> You have?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">De Castro.</p>
+
+<p>Yeth.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Gabrielle.</p>
+
+<p>Did he promise to think it over?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">De Castro.</p>
+
+<p>Hith exthact wordth!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Gabrielle.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">With a hollow laugh.</span> Ha, ha, ha!
+<span class = "stagedir">Resuming her former attitude.</span> As I was
+remarking, I’m a mass of inconsistency. <i>On</i> the stage the
+embodiment of elfish fun&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">120</span>
+<p class = "speaker">De Castro.</p>
+
+<p>That wath in the <i>Mail</i>.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Gabrielle.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Nodding.</span> In the <i>Mail</i>.
+<i>Off</i> the stage, I’m a sufferer from what’s called the artistic
+temperature&mdash;no&mdash;temperament&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">De Castro.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Uncomfortably, patting her shoulder.</span>
+Po’ little girl; po’ little girl!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Gabrielle.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Her melancholy increasing.</span> Sometimes
+I’ve an idea that if I had a motor-car of my <i>own</i> I should feel
+easier and happier.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">De Castro.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">With a change of tone.</span> What d’ye
+mean&mdash;motor-car of yer own? Mine’th alwayth at your dithpothal,
+ithn’t it?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Gabrielle.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Shaking her head.</span> That’s not the same
+thing. Whenever I have yours out, I’m weighed down by a sense of
+borrowing.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">De Castro.</p>
+
+<p>Well, if I gave you a new car, you’d be weighed down by a thenthe of
+my havin’ paid for it.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Gabrielle.</p>
+
+<p>At first I should, but not for long. Seeing my family crest on the
+door-panels, instead of your
+<span class = "pagenum">121</span>
+monogram, ’ud help me to forget you’d had anything to do with it. <span
+class = "stagedir">Gloomily.</span> Of course, it ’ud only be an
+experiment. It might cheer me up, or it mightn’t.</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+The music ceases. A waiter carrying a tray enters at the door on the
+left, goes behind the counter, and mixes some drinks.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">De Castro.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">After a pause, loosening his collar&mdash;in
+a low voice.</span> Here! We’d better dithcuth thith experiment. <span
+class = "stagedir">Glancing over his shoulder at the waiter.</span>
+Let’th come and thit in the pit.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Gabrielle.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Rising.</span> I can’t argue; my head’s too
+bad for that.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">De Castro.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Leading her to the double-door.</span>
+I&nbsp;don’t want to argue; I&nbsp;thimply want to arrive at an
+underthtandin’. Thuppothin’ I&nbsp;buy you a car, am I to be made an
+arth of at the nexth danthe we happen to meet at&mdash;yeth or
+no?&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+They go out on to the landing and disappear as <span class =
+"smallcaps">Fulkerson</span> hurries in at the right-hand door at the
+back. His eyes are rather glassy and his utterance is a little
+thick.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Fulkerson.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To the waiter, joining him behind the
+counter.</span> Hi! Wake up, there! Gla’sodawa’erf’misspirch’nth’stage.
+<span class = "stagedir">Distinctly.</span> Misspirch&mdash;on
+th’stage&mdash;gla’&mdash;sodawa’er. I’ll have a whiskey. Wh’sthwhiskey?
+Which&mdash;is&mdash;the&mdash;whiskey? Than’g. <span class =
+"stagedir">Pouring some whiskey
+<span class = "pagenum">122</span>
+into a tumbler.</span> You take sodaw’er t’ Misspirch; I’ll mix m’own
+whiskey. Loo’ sharp, sodaw’er Misspirch. <span class = "stagedir">The
+waiter goes out with the drinks and <span class =
+"smallcaps">Fulkerson</span>, glass in hand, comes to the nearer side of
+the counter. He swallows his drink greedily, singing to himself between
+the gulps.</span> “Oh, the gals! Oh, the gals! I&nbsp;am awfully fond of
+the gals! <span class = "stagedir">Putting his empty glass upon the
+counter and making for the door on the left.</span> Be they ebon or
+blond, Of the gals I am fond; I&nbsp;am <i>dreadfully</i> fond of the
+gals!�</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+He vanishes as <span class = "smallcaps">Farncombe</span> and <span
+class = "smallcaps">Lily</span> enter at the right-hand door at the
+back. There is an air of constraint and uneasiness about the girl. She
+comes to the nearer settee in the centre and again picks up her bouquet.
+<span class = "smallcaps">Farncombe</span> follows her. They talk in
+subdued voices and with frequent pauses.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>Another ice?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Rearranging a rose, almost inaudibly.</span>
+No, thanks.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">After a pause.</span> I&mdash;I wish I had
+given you a bouquet instead of a big, ugly basket.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Why?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>You&mdash;you might have brought it to the theatre, as you have that
+one, and carried it about with you.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">123</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Coldly.</span> I didn’t bring this to the
+theatre.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>No?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>I found it with a lot of other flowers at the stage-door. It’s from
+the gallery boys&mdash;<span class = "stagedir">looking at him for a
+moment steadily</span>&mdash;and I attach some value to it.</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+The bearded waiter enters at the right-hand door at the back, takes a
+box of cigars from the counter, and goes out at the door on the left.
+<span class = "smallcaps">Lily</span> walks away from <span class =
+"smallcaps">Farncombe</span> and seats herself upon the further settee
+in the centre.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">After the waiter has withdrawn, producing
+his programme.</span> Number Nine. “<i>Two Step. Mind the Paint.</i>�
+<span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span>.</span> Of course, you&mdash;you are engaged for
+this?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>And you, surely?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>No, I&mdash;I kept it open, in case&mdash;in case&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Decidedly.</span> I dance it with
+Morrie.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>Mr. Cooling?</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">124</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Morrie Cooling.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">After another pause, sitting, behind her,
+upon the nearer settee.</span> Miss Parradell.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Well?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>I wonder whether Mr. Cooling would let you off.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>I shouldn’t dream of asking him.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>No, but&mdash;may <i>I</i>?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Haughtily.</span> I beg you’ll do nothing of
+the sort.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>Forgive me.</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+There is a further pause and then she turns to him.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Why I spoke so&mdash;so sharply to you&mdash;was&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>You didn’t speak sharply to me.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Was because I’ve been very nasty with Morrie&mdash;
+<span class = "pagenum">125</span>
+wrote him a furious letter&mdash;and I want to make it up to him.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>Ah, yes.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>I called him a pig, and other things; I hate myself for it.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>A pig?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Smiling.</span> Still, that’s no reason why
+I should be nasty with <i>you</i>.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Laughingly.</span> And call <i>me</i> a
+pig.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Impulsively, kneeling upon the settee so
+that she may compare her programme with his.</span> Look here!
+Fifteen&mdash;the last but one. Are you fixed up for Fifteen?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>No.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>No!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>I kept it open&mdash;in case&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Merrily.</span> Ha, ha&mdash;! <span class =
+"stagedir">Checking herself, severely.</span> I&nbsp;<i>might</i> be
+able to give you Fifteen. <span class = "stagedir"><span class =
+"smallcaps">Farncombe</span>
+<span class = "pagenum">126</span>
+scribbles on his programme eagerly.</span> Don’t count on it, please;
+but it’s booked to Mr. Fulkerson, and Bertie’s not always to be depended
+upon at that hour.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>Thank you&mdash;thank you&mdash;thank you. <span class =
+"stagedir">She resumes her seat and he jumps up and goes to her.</span>
+That reminds me. May I ask who is going to see you home, Miss
+Parradell?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>See me home?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>It would be an honour that I should&mdash;appreciate&mdash;more than
+I can&mdash;find words to express.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Rising, sternly.</span> I am very much
+obliged to you. <span class = "stagedir">Walking away from him
+again.</span> I&nbsp;dare say Mr. Roper will see me home&mdash;and Mr.
+de Castro&mdash;and Mr. Bland&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Following her, unhappily.</span> I&mdash;I
+hope&mdash;I&mdash;I&nbsp;hope I haven’t offended you.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Not in the least; <span class = "stagedir">in a frigid tone</span>
+only I am in the habit of relying on old friends for those little
+services.</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Stidulph</span> enters from the landing and
+again wanders to the counter and to the cigarettes. The “Mind the Paint�
+air, to the time of a Two Step, is played in the distance.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">127</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Bowing to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span> slightly and drawing himself up.</span> Shall
+I&mdash;take you to Mr. Cooling?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">With dignity, inclining her head.</span>
+Will you? <span class = "stagedir">She is putting her hand through his
+arm when the look upon his face softens her. She drops her voice to a
+whisper.</span> Have I hurt you?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>Oh, I deserve the rebuke.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>No, you don’t. <span class = "stagedir">Gently.</span> You may leave
+me at my door, with the others, if it will give you any
+satisfaction.</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+As they walk to the door on the left, they are met by <span class =
+"smallcaps">Cooling</span>.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Cooling.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Lily</span>,
+breathlessly.</span> Haw! Here you are!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Leaving <span class =
+"smallcaps">Farncombe</span>, her manner altering completely.</span>
+Come on, Morrie! <span class = "stagedir">Her feet moving to the
+music.</span> Tra, lal, la! Tra, lal, la! <span class =
+"stagedir">Giving her bouquet to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Farncombe</span>.</span> Hi-i-i-i-i! Bring my flowers!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Cooling and Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Tra, lal, la! Tra, lal, la&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+They run out, half dancing.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">128</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Stidulph.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Calling to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Farncombe</span>, who is following them.</span> Lord
+Farncombe!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>Yes?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Stidulph.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Going to him.</span> Will you spare me a
+moment?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">A little impatiently.</span>
+Er&mdash;certainly.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Stidulph.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Laying a shaky hand on <span class =
+"smallcaps">Farncombe’s</span> arm and leading him away from the
+door.</span> Excuse me for what I’m going to say to you.
+I&mdash;I&nbsp;know your father&mdash;knew him very well years
+ago&mdash;and your mother. <span class = "stagedir">With deep
+feeling.</span> My boy&mdash;my dear boy&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Surprised.</span> Colonel?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Stidulph.</p>
+
+<p>I&mdash;I&mdash;I’m sorry to find you in this set.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Stiffly.</span> What do you mean?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Stidulph.</p>
+
+<p>Don’t be angry with me. I’m an old man&mdash;and an old fool; but
+it’s from the fools that the useful lessons are to be learned.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">129</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Withdrawing his arm from <span class =
+"smallcaps">Stidulph</span>.</span> I&nbsp;really don’t understand
+you.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Stidulph.</p>
+
+<p>Try to. Not now&mdash;another time; when this music isn’t exciting
+you, nor these pretty women. Think it out by yourself! You’re at the
+beginning of your career, my boy. Remember me&mdash;the old fool who’s
+brought <i>his</i> to a miserable end&mdash;and that I cautioned
+you&mdash;cautioned you&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Luigi</span> hurries in at the door on the
+left, followed by a waiter carrying a tray, and by the waiter with the
+beard.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Luigi.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Laughing.</span> He, he, he, he! <span class
+= "stagedir">Behind the counter, preparing drinks.</span> Look out,
+gentlemen; you are losing it all. They are having a
+romp&mdash;a&nbsp;fine lark. <span class = "stagedir"><span class =
+"smallcaps">Farncombe</span> goes out at the door on the left.</span>
+Make haste, Colonel; make haste! <span class = "stagedir"><span class =
+"smallcaps">Stidulph</span> goes out, slowly, at the right-hand door at
+the back.</span> Whiskey-and-soda for Mr. Tavish; liqueur of
+brandy&mdash;Mr. Grimwood. <span class = "stagedir">The waiter carrying
+the tray goes out with the drinks at the door on the left.</span> Ha,
+ha, ha! <span class = "stagedir">Singing to the music.</span> Tra, lal,
+la! Tra, lal, la&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Luigi</span> is following the waiter who has
+carried out the tray when the bearded waiter, coming to the nearer
+settee in the centre, calls to him.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">The Bearded Waiter.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Sitting upon the settee, gruffly.</span>
+Luigi.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">130</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Luigi.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Halting.</span> Eh?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">The Bearded Waiter.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Taking out a handful of money and selecting
+some gold from it.</span> Here! <span class = "stagedir">Putting the
+gold into <span class = "smallcaps">Luigi’s</span> palm.</span> For your
+chaps.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Luigi.</p>
+
+<p>Oh, you are spoiling them.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">The Bearded Waiter.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Giving some more gold pieces to <span class
+= "smallcaps">Luigi</span>.</span> For you.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Luigi.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Bowing low.</span> Thank you very much.
+<span class = "stagedir">With a polite grin, as he disposes of the coins
+in different pockets.</span> Hope you have enjoyed yourself,
+Captain.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">The Bearded Waiter.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Speaking in the voice of <span class =
+"smallcaps">Jeyes</span>.</span> Thoroughly. <span class =
+"stagedir">Quietly, between his teeth.</span> Warm work, though! <span
+class = "stagedir">Rising slowly, like a man with stiff joints.</span>
+I’ll be off now, with your permission.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Luigi.</p>
+
+<p>See you at lunch, Captain?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>Probably. <span class = "stagedir">Nodding.</span> Good-night. Good
+morning. <span class = "stagedir">He slouches away to the door on the
+left and there stops, listening. There is the sound of people
+approaching,
+<span class = "pagenum">131</span>
+singing uproariously and shouting and laughing.</span> Hullo!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Luigi.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">At his elbow.</span> Ho, ho, ho, ho!</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Luigi</span> goes out into the corridor and
+<span class = "smallcaps">Jeyes</span> retreats behind the counter. The
+noise increases and presently <span class = "smallcaps">Fulkerson</span>
+rushes in, flourishing his arms madly. He is followed by <span class =
+"smallcaps">Glynn</span> and <span class = "smallcaps">Shirley</span>
+who are carrying <span class = "smallcaps">Lily</span> upon their
+interlocked hands, and by <span class = "smallcaps">Palk</span> who is
+helping to support her. Then come <span class =
+"smallcaps">Heneage</span> and <span class = "smallcaps">Nita</span>,
+<span class = "smallcaps">Grimwood</span> and <span class =
+"smallcaps">Daphne</span>, <span class = "smallcaps">Tavish</span> and
+<span class = "smallcaps">Flo</span>, <span class = "smallcaps">Von
+Rettenmayer</span> and <span class = "smallcaps">Enid</span>, <span
+class = "smallcaps">de Castro</span> and <span class =
+"smallcaps">Gabrielle</span>, <span class = "smallcaps">Roper</span> and
+<span class = "smallcaps">Mrs. Stidulph</span>, <span class =
+"smallcaps">Farncombe</span> and <span class =
+"smallcaps">Jimmie</span>, <span class = "smallcaps">Bland</span> and
+<span class = "smallcaps">Evangeline</span>, <span class =
+"smallcaps">Cooling</span> and <span class = "smallcaps">Sybil</span>,
+and <span class = "smallcaps">Smythe</span> and <span class =
+"smallcaps">Olga</span>. Singing the chorus of the “Mind the Paint�
+song, and dancing to it wildly, they circle the saloon twice, go out at
+the right-hand door at the back, return at the door on the left, and
+finally disappear through the double-door and along the landing. The
+waiters, who have brought up the rear of the procession, gather, with
+<span class = "smallcaps">Luigi</span>, in the left-hand corner,
+clapping their hands, and <span class = "smallcaps">Stidulph</span>
+returns, entering at the right-hand door at the back.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Waving her bouquet and shrieking with
+laughter.</span> Ha, ha, ha, ha! Don’t drop me! Don’t drop me!</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">132</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Heneage and Grimwood.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Yelling.</span> Whoop! Whoop!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Fulkerson.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Deliriously, endeavouring to stand upon his
+head.</span> Wh-o-o-op!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Breaking from the rank and jumping on to the
+further settee&mdash;singing.</span> “Mind the paint! Mind the paint!
+A&nbsp;girl is not a sinner just because she’s not a
+saint!&mdash;&mdash;�</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Ha, ha, ha! You’ll drop me! Oh&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+As the procession passes out of sight, followed by <span class =
+"smallcaps">Luigi</span> and the waiters, <span class =
+"smallcaps">Jeyes</span> departs at the door on the left and <span class
+= "smallcaps">Stidulph</span> once more goes to the counter and lights a
+cigarette.</p>
+
+<h4 class = "end">END OF THE SECOND ACT.</h4>
+
+
+
+
+
+<span class = "pagenum">133</span>
+<h3 class = "act"><a name = "act3" id = "act3">THE THIRD ACT</a></h3>
+
+<p class = "scenedesc">
+The scene is <span class = "smallcaps">Lily’s</span>
+boudoir&mdash;a&nbsp;room upon the second floor of her house, adjoining
+her bedroom. The decorations, though delicate, are gay, with a good deal
+of pink in them.</p>
+
+<p class = "scenedesc">
+In the wall facing the spectator are two doors, one on the left, the
+other in the centre. The left-hand door opens into the room from the
+landing, where the staircase is shown; the centre door admits to the
+bedroom. In the right-hand wall there are two sash-windows giving a view
+of the tops of trees growing in a square; in the opposite wall, the
+grate hidden by a low, painted screen, is the fireplace.</p>
+
+<p class = "scenedesc">
+A prettily designed “fitment� runs along the left-hand wall and the
+further wall, taking in the fireplace and doors as part of its scheme.
+On either side of the fireplace there is a cupboard with drawers beneath
+it; between the door on the left and the door in the centre is a similar
+cupboard; and on the right of the centre door, extending to the
+right-hand wall, there is a wardrobe with sliding doors. The cupboard
+doors are glazed and curtained in pink silk.</p>
+
+<p class = "scenedesc">
+In the middle of the room, a little to the right, there is a large and
+comfortable settee, and on the
+<span class = "pagenum">134</span>
+left of the settee is a table littered with books, magazines,
+a&nbsp;scent-atomizer, a&nbsp;small silver-framed mirror, a&nbsp;case of
+manicure instruments, a&nbsp;box of cigarettes and a match-stand, and
+other odds and ends. Behind the table there is a fauteuil-stool, and on
+the right of the table a cosy arm-chair. A&nbsp;second arm-chair stands
+apart, between the table in the centre and the fireplace.</p>
+
+<p class = "scenedesc">
+On the extreme left of the room, on the nearer side of the fireplace,
+there is a box-ottoman; on the other side of the room, by the nearer
+window, are a small writing-table and chair; standing across the
+right-hand corner, the key-board towards the further window, are a
+cottage-piano and a music-stool; and at the back of the piano there is
+another small chair, with some soiled gloves upon it.</p>
+
+<p class = "scenedesc">
+A quantity of music is heaped untidily on the top of the piano; one of
+the wardrobe doors is open, revealing some dresses hanging within; and
+the edge of a lace petticoat, with its insertion of coloured ribbon,
+peeps out from under the carelessly-closed lid of the box-ottoman. Two
+milliner’s hat-boxes are on the floor by the ottoman, and a pair of
+satin slippers are lying, one here, one there, under the centre
+table.</p>
+
+<p class = "scenedesc">
+The window-blinds are down but the daylight is seen through them.</p>
+
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+The door on the left opens and <span class = "smallcaps">Lily</span>,
+still carrying her bouquet, enters and makes straight for the windows
+and draws up the blinds, letting in the clear, morning light. She is
+followed by <span class = "smallcaps">Enid</span>, <span class =
+"smallcaps">Gabrielle</span>, <span class = "smallcaps">Daphne</span>,
+and <span class = "smallcaps">Jimmie</span> and they by <span class =
+"smallcaps">Farncombe</span>,
+<span class = "pagenum">135</span>
+<span class = "smallcaps">Von Rettenmayer</span>, <span class =
+"smallcaps">de Castro</span>, <span class = "smallcaps">Roper</span>,
+<span class = "smallcaps">Fulkerson</span>, and <span class =
+"smallcaps">Bland</span>. They are all pale and haggard, and slightly
+dishevelled, but everybody seems broad awake except <span class =
+"smallcaps">Daphne</span>, who is borne down by sleepiness. Some of the
+men are smoking.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Laying her bouquet upon the table in the
+centre as she crosses to the windows&mdash;to the women.</span> Come in,
+dears; <span class = "stagedir">drawing up the blind of the nearer
+window</span> come in, boys. Take off your things for a minute.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Fulkerson.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Whose inebriety has reached the
+argumentative stage.</span> Working classhes! Don’ talk t’ me ’bout th’
+working classhes!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p>H’sh! Shut up, Bertie.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Fulkerson.</p>
+
+<p>I’m s’h’ick o’ th’ ve’y mention o’ th’ name&mdash;working
+classhes!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p>Sit on his head, somebody. We shall wake Ma and the servants.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Taking off her wrap and hanging it up in the
+wardrobe.</span> Don’t worry; you won’t wake <i>my</i> servants. And
+mother’s bound to hear us; she sleeps so lightly when I’m out.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">136</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Daphne.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Gaping violently.</span> Oh-h-h-h!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Clapping her hand over <span class =
+"smallcaps">Daphne’s</span> mouth.</span> Manners!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Fulkerson.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Depositing his overcoat and hat upon the
+fauteuil-stool.</span> One ’ud ’magine th’ working-man’sh th’ on’y
+pershon who ever does day’sh work! Ridiculush!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer and Bland.</p>
+
+<p>Ha, ha, ha, ha!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">De Castro.</p>
+
+<p>Thome truth in what Bertie’th thayin’, though. For
+inthtanthe&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Fulkerson.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">With great disgust.</span> Br’ish
+working-man!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>By Jove, yes! When I think o’ the work Mr. Lionel Hesketh Roper
+manages to dispose of in the course of a day&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Von Rettenmayer</span> and <span class =
+"smallcaps">de Castro</span> have placed their overcoats and hats upon
+the chair at the back of the piano and <span class =
+"smallcaps">Farncombe</span>, <span class = "smallcaps">Bland</span>,
+and <span class = "smallcaps">Roper</span> have piled theirs on the
+arm-chair on the left. <span class = "smallcaps">Enid</span> and <span
+class = "smallcaps">Gabrielle</span> throw their wraps upon the settee,
+<span class = "smallcaps">Daphne</span> drops hers upon the box-ottoman,
+and
+<span class = "pagenum">137</span>
+<span class = "smallcaps">Jimmie</span> puts hers over the arm of the
+chair by the centre table.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To everybody.</span> I’ll just run upstairs
+and tell mother that all’s serene. <span class = "stagedir">She goes to
+the door on the left; <span class = "smallcaps">Farncombe, Bland</span>,
+and <span class = "smallcaps">Roper</span> get in each other’s way in
+their desire to open it for her.</span> If any of you want a drink, you
+must hunt for it yourselves in the dining-room. <span class =
+"stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Roper</span>.</span> You play
+host, Uncle Lal.</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+She disappears, turning to the left and ascending the stairs.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Briskly.</span> Now, then, give your orders,
+gents! <span class = "stagedir">Coming forward.</span> Ladies, don’t all
+speak at once.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Fulkerson.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Making for the door.</span> I’ll have sma’
+whiskeyan’ soda.</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+He goes along the landing and down the stairs.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Bland.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Following him.</span> No, no! Bertie!
+Bertie&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Seated in the arm-chair by the centre
+table&mdash;to <span class = "smallcaps">Roper</span>.</span> Stop it.
+We’ll have trouble enough to get that boy home as it is.</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Roper</span> hurries out after <span class =
+"smallcaps">Bland</span> and <span class = "smallcaps">Fulkerson. Von
+Rettenmayer</span> and <span class = "smallcaps">de Castro</span> also
+move to the door.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">138</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Enid</span>,
+who is sitting with <span class = "smallcaps">Gabrielle</span> on the
+settee.</span> Enid&mdash;&mdash;?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Enid.</p>
+
+<p>A glass of soda-water.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Gabrielle.</p>
+
+<p>Same for me, Von.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Jimmie</span>.</span> Jimmie&mdash;&mdash;?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p>No, thanks.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Looking down upon <span class =
+"smallcaps">Daphne</span>, who has curled herself up on the box-ottoman
+and is already asleep&mdash;sentimentally.</span>
+Baby&mdash;baby&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Daphne.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Half sighing, half moaning.</span>
+Ah-h-h-h!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Von
+Rettenmayer</span>.</span> Don’t disturb her. Let her have her snooze in
+peace.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Still contemplating <span class =
+"smallcaps">Daphne</span>.</span> Shall I bring you your boddle, you
+preddy liddle baby?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Enid.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Annoyed.</span> Don’t be an idiot, Karl.
+<span class = "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">de Castro</span>,
+who is talking to <span class = "smallcaps">Farncombe</span>.</span>
+Sam, will <i>you</i> fetch me some soda-water?</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">139</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Enid</span>,
+bestirring himself.</span> I&nbsp;beg bardon.</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+He goes out, with <span class = "smallcaps">de Castro</span>. <span
+class = "smallcaps">Enid</span> has taken the mirror from the table and
+now looks at herself in it.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Enid.</p>
+
+<p>What a sight! <span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Gabrielle</span>.</span> I&nbsp;wonder whether Lil would
+mind me going into her bedroom?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Gabrielle.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Taking the mirror from <span class =
+"smallcaps">Enid</span>.</span> Of course she wouldn’t. <span class =
+"stagedir">Viewing herself with dismay.</span> Oh, I’m yellower than
+you!</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+She jumps up, throwing the mirror upon the settee, and goes to the door
+in the centre. <span class = "smallcaps">Enid</span> follows her and the
+two girls open the door narrowly and withdraw. <span class =
+"smallcaps">Jimmie</span> rises and picks up the mirror.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">With one knee upon the settee, surveying
+herself.</span> Ugh, you lovely creature! <span class =
+"stagedir">Glancing at <span class = "smallcaps">Farncombe</span> as she
+readjusts a comb, and finding that he is gazing at her earnestly.</span>
+Turn your face to the wall, please; I’m about to use my puff.</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+Suddenly, with rapid movements, he shuts the door on the left, gives a
+quick look at <span class = "smallcaps">Daphne</span>, assures himself
+that the centre door is closed, and comes to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Jimmie</span>. She stares at him in astonishment.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">140</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Standing at the back of the settee&mdash;in
+a low voice.</span> Miss Birch, you’re Miss Parradell’s friend&mdash;her
+great friend. Will you be a friend of mine too, and do me a service?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Startled.</span> It&mdash;it all
+depends&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>Beg her to allow me to remain behind, with you, for a few minutes
+after the others have gone.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p>Remain&mdash;you and I?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>And then, if she will, will you wait in the next room while I speak
+to her? Miss Birch, I&mdash;I&nbsp;must speak to her.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p>W-w-wouldn’t&mdash;to-morrow&mdash;&mdash;?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>It <i>is</i> to-morrow <i>now</i>. It’s day.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Dropping her eyes.</span> She’s tired.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>Five minutes&mdash;no longer. <span class =
+"stagedir">Entreatingly.</span> Won’t you try to arrange it for me?</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">141</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Pursing her lips.</span> H’m! <i>I’d</i>
+stay; delighted. <span class = "stagedir">Demurely.</span> It doesn’t
+matter how tired <i>I</i> feel.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Contritely.</span> I’m a brute!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p>But I really think the <i>arranging</i> is your job, Lord
+Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>I know I should make a bungle of it with all these people round me,
+and attract attention. <i>You’re</i> clever.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Raising her eyes to his, abruptly.</span>
+Look here! Do I guess correctly?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>What&mdash;&mdash;?</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+She pulls him towards her and whispers into his ear. He nods. She
+whispers again, breathlessly, and then releases him.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p>Eh? Eh?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Drawing back and facing her, firmly.</span>
+Yes.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Walking away, in a flutter.</span> Oh! Oh!
+Oh!</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">142</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>You’ll help me? <span class = "stagedir">She pauses,
+deliberating.</span> You’ll help me?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Returning to him, with an air of
+prudence.</span> I&nbsp;tell you what I <i>will</i> do. <span class =
+"stagedir">Pointing to the writing-table.</span> Scribble her a
+note&mdash;a&nbsp;line&mdash;and I’ll give it to her. That won’t attract
+attention. I’ve no objection to do <i>that</i> for you. Hurry up! <span
+class = "stagedir">He sits at the writing-table and searches for writing
+materials.</span> In the drawer. <span class = "stagedir">He opens a
+drawer and takes out a sheet of note-paper. Standing at the other side
+of the table, she selects a pen and hands it to him.</span> A&nbsp;“J�
+suit you?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Taking the pen from her.</span> What shall I
+say?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p>Ho, ho! Well, I <i>never</i>! <span class = "stagedir">He
+writes.</span> Oh, but it isn’t exactly a love-letter, is it? Simply
+say&mdash;what was the expression you used just now?&mdash;“will you
+allow me to remain behind for a few minutes with Miss Birch after the
+others have gone?�</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Writing.</span> Thank you.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">With a little wriggle.</span> Call me Jimmie
+if you like.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>Thank you.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">143</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Knitting her brow thoughtfully.</span>
+I&nbsp;suppose you ought to give her an inkling, though&mdash;the merest
+hint&mdash;of the <i>reason</i>, oughtn’t you?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Looking up.</span> Ought I?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p>Well, you don’t want her to think it’s only to chat about the
+weather&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>For heaven’s sake, don’t chaff me! <span class =
+"stagedir">writing</span> “&mdash;after the others have gone?� <span
+class = "stagedir">Biting his pen.</span> How would this do? “I know I
+am presuming a lot, but I&mdash;I&nbsp;can’t leave
+you&mdash;I&nbsp;can’t leave you till I&mdash;till I have asked
+you&mdash;till I have asked you the most important question a man can
+put to a woman.�</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p>Oh, but that’s ideal! <span class = "stagedir"><span class =
+"smallcaps">Gabrielle</span> reappears.</span> Dash these girls! <span
+class = "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Gabrielle</span>, whose
+complexion is much improved.</span> Lord Farncombe is writing me out a
+remedy for freckles. Isn’t it sweet of him?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Gabrielle.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Mournfully.</span> Freckles! If you want to
+see a martyr to freckles, knock at <i>my</i> door.</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Enid</span> returns, with lips that are a
+little too red, as <span class = "smallcaps">Von Rettenmayer</span> and
+<span class = "smallcaps">de Castro</span> re-enter at the door on the
+left. They leave the
+<span class = "pagenum">144</span>
+door open. <span class = "smallcaps">Von Rettenmayer</span> is carrying
+a syphon of soda-water and <span class = "smallcaps">de Castro</span>
+two tumblers. The men put the syphon and tumblers on the centre table
+and <span class = "smallcaps">Von Rettenmayer</span> fills the glasses
+and he and <span class = "smallcaps">de Castro</span> hand them to <span
+class = "smallcaps">Enid</span> and <span class =
+"smallcaps">Gabrielle</span>.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Enid</span> and
+<span class = "smallcaps">Gabrielle</span>.</span> I&nbsp;hobe we haf
+nod kepd you waiding.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">De Castro.</p>
+
+<p>Bertie’th been makin’ himthelf a reg’lar nuithanthe downthairth.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Enid.</p>
+
+<p>Poor Bertie! Pity he has this little failing.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Gabrielle.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">With mild enthusiasm.</span> Yes, there’s
+not a nicer boy in London than Bertie, bar that.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">De Castro.</p>
+
+<p>Flieth to hith head tho!</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+The four continue talking. <span class = "smallcaps">Jimmie</span> has
+gone back to <span class = "smallcaps">Farncombe</span>, who is still
+writing, and is watching him impatiently.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Farncombe</span>, under her breath.</span> Do be quick!</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+Hastily he blots his note and folds it. <span class =
+"smallcaps">Bland</span>, <span class = "smallcaps">Fulkerson</span>,
+and <span class = "smallcaps">Roper</span> appear on the landing,
+issuing from the staircase, and
+<span class = "pagenum">145</span>
+there they are joined by <span class = "smallcaps">Lily</span>, who
+comes down the stairs.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Fulkerson.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">On the landing, to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span>, indignantly.</span>
+Lirry&mdash;Misspa’dell&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Farncombe</span>.</span> Here she is!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Fulkerson</span>.</span> Now, then; have it out with
+Lily!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>What’s wrong?</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Farncombe</span> rises and slips his note into
+<span class = "smallcaps">Jimmie’s</span> hand.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Fulkerson.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span>.</span> Mosht unjusht’fiable treatmen’ ’n th’
+part ’f these gen’lemen!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Listening, with the others at the centre
+table, to what is going on upon the landing.</span> Ha, ha, ha, ha!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Farncombe</span>, over her shoulder.</span> Good luck!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Bland.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span>.</span> The youth is irate with us for cutting
+off supplies.</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Lily</span> enters with <span class =
+"smallcaps">Fulkerson</span>; <span class = "smallcaps">Roper</span> and
+<span class = "pagenum">146</span>
+<span class = "smallcaps">Bland</span> following. <span class =
+"smallcaps">Bland</span> strolls over to the piano, laughing.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Fulkerson.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span>.</span> M’ argumen’ is this. When a gen’leman’sh
+invited b’ th’ lady ’f th’ house t’ partake ’f
+refreshmen’&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Fulkerson</span>.</span> Be quiet, Bertie, or I’ll box your
+ears. <span class = "stagedir">Joining the group at the centre
+table.</span> Ho, ho! I’ve had such a wigging for asking you up. Mother
+says we girls’ll look as ugly as sin on the stage to-night.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Enid.</p>
+
+<p>So we shall&mdash;hags.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Sitting in the arm-chair by the centre
+table.</span> I&nbsp;feel as fresh as paint. <span class = "stagedir">To
+<span class = "smallcaps">Gabrielle</span>.</span> Give me a sip.</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">De Castro</span> hands <span class =
+"smallcaps">Gabrielle’s</span> glass to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span>.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Fulkerson.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Gazing <ins class = "correction" title =
+"printed in Roman (non-Italic) type">at</ins> <span class =
+"smallcaps">Daphne</span> stupidly and singing to himself.</span> “Oh,
+the gals! Oh, the gals! I&nbsp;am awfully fond of the
+gals!&mdash;&mdash;�</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer, Roper, de Castro, Enid and
+Gabrielle.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Chiming in with <span class =
+"smallcaps">Fulkerson</span> lightly.</span> “Be they ebon or blond, Of
+the gals I am fond;&mdash;&mdash;�! Ha, ha, ha, ha!</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">147</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Bland.</p>
+
+<p>H’sh, h’sh! Ma’s quite right. <span class = "stagedir">Seating
+himself at the piano.</span> One more turn and then let’s clear out.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Jumping up.</span> Hurrah! <span class =
+"stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Roper</span>, as <span class =
+"smallcaps">Bland</span> runs his hands over the key-board.</span> Shut
+the door, Uncle Lal.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p>Aha! One more durn! <span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Enid</span>.</span> Enid&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Fulkerson.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Singing.</span> “I am dreadfully fond of the
+gals!�</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Closing the door.</span> Choose your
+partners, gents! <span class = "stagedir">Very softly <span class =
+"smallcaps">Bland</span> plays the melody of a languorous song and
+instantly <span class = "smallcaps">Von Rettenmayer</span> and <span
+class = "smallcaps">Enid</span> and <span class = "smallcaps">de
+Castro</span> and <span class = "smallcaps">Gabrielle</span> dance to
+it&mdash;<span class = "smallcaps">Von Rettenmayer</span> and <span
+class = "smallcaps">Enid</span> at the back, <span class =
+"smallcaps">de Castro</span> and <span class =
+"smallcaps">Gabrielle</span> near the piano.</span>
+Jimmie&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Jimmie</span> passes <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span> to go to <span class = "smallcaps">Roper</span>.
+As she does so, she presses <span class = "smallcaps">Farncombe’s</span>
+note into <span class = "smallcaps">Lily’s</span> palm.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Lily</span>, in
+a whisper.</span> Rat-tat, says the postman! <span class =
+"stagedir">Catching hold of <span class = "smallcaps">Roper</span> and
+swinging him round.</span> La, ra, ral, la&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Farncombe</span>, who is standing by the
+writing-table.</span> Lord Farncombe&mdash;&mdash;?</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">148</span>
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Farncombe</span> goes to her and they dance
+together.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Fulkerson.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Daphne</span>,
+tapping her on the shoulder.</span> Missdure, may I have th’ grea’
+pleasure&mdash;&mdash;? <span class = "stagedir">Shaking her.</span>
+Missdure&mdash;Missdure&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Daphne.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Starting up.</span> Oh! <span class =
+"stagedir">Looking round wildly.</span> Oh&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Fulkerson.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Dancing with her.</span> Pray ’xcuse th’
+absence ’f gloves.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Daphne.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Faintly.</span> Oh! Oh, I&mdash;I thought
+I’d gone to bed!</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+With their hands on each other’s shoulders, the couples, swaying from
+side to side, half sing, half murmur, the refrain of the song.</p>
+
+<a name = "song" id = "song">&nbsp;</a>
+<p class = "illustration">
+<img src = "images/paintsong.png" width = "470" height = "748"
+alt = "melody and piano score">
+</p>
+
+<p class = "mynote">
+<a href = "files/paintsong.midi" target = "_blank">MIDI file</a>:<br>
+Depending on your browser, the music may play automatically, or may need
+to be downloaded and opened in a separate application.<br>
+<a href = "files/paintsong.ly" target = "_blank">Raw lilypond file</a>
+(convertible to other music-notation formats)<br>
+<a href = "files/paintsong.pdf" target = "_blank">PDF image</a>
+(generated by lilypond)<br>
+</p>
+
+<div class = "song">
+<p>If you would only, only love me;</p>
+<p>If you would
+<span class = "pagenum">149</span>
+merely, merely say,</p>
+<p>Wait but a little, little for me,</p>
+<p>I will be yours, be yours some day!</p>
+</div>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+The refrain is repeated, the dancers droning to it with a, buzzing
+sound, and then <span class = "smallcaps">Bland</span> returns to the
+melody.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">As she dances, recollecting the note she is
+holding and opening it.</span> What’s this? <span class =
+"stagedir">Reading the note, her arm resting upon <span class =
+"smallcaps">Farncombe’s</span> shoulder.</span> “Dear Miss Parradell....
+<span class = "stagedir">glancing at the signature</span> Farncombe�!
+<span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Farncombe</span>.</span> From you!</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">150</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>Yes.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Reading.</span> “Will you allow me
+to&mdash;&mdash;?�</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+She reads to the end silently, and then she stops dancing and they stand
+for a moment looking confusedly at each other. Then, with an
+expressionless face, she slips the note into her dress and they dance
+again, singing the refrain as before.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Bland.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">At the finish, shutting down the lid of the
+piano and rising.</span> Ladies and gentlemen, the festivities connected
+with Miss Parradell’s birthday are over. <span class =
+"stagedir">Leaving the piano.</span> Our lives will now resume their
+normal, serious course.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Regretfully.</span> Ah-h-h-h!</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+The ladies put on their wraps, the men their overcoats, and there is a
+great deal of stir and chatter. <span class = "smallcaps">De
+Castro</span> assists <span class = "smallcaps">Gabrielle</span>; <span
+class = "smallcaps">Von Rettenmayer</span>, <span class =
+"smallcaps">Enid</span>; <span class = "smallcaps">Fulkerson</span>,
+<span class = "smallcaps">Daphne</span>; and <span class =
+"smallcaps">Farncombe</span>, <span class = "smallcaps">Jimmie</span>.
+<span class = "smallcaps">Lily</span> joins in the talk and bustle with
+forced animation. <span class = "smallcaps">Jimmie</span> and <span
+class = "smallcaps">Farncombe</span> glance at her, and then,
+inquiringly, at one another.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Putting on his overcoat with <span class =
+"smallcaps">Bland’s</span> help.</span> Well,
+<span class = "pagenum">151</span>
+nobody can say the affair hasn’t been a brilliant success; that’s one
+comfort.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Gabrielle.</p>
+
+<p>Wouldn’t be true if they did. <span class = "stagedir">To <span class
+= "smallcaps">de Castro</span>, irritably.</span> You’ve got it
+inside-out.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Enid</span> and
+<span class = "smallcaps">Gabrielle</span>, kneeling upon the
+settee.</span> Ah, yes, haven’t we had a splendid, splendid time!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Enid.</p>
+
+<p>Splendid!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p>A gharming pardy!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">De Castro.</p>
+
+<p>Abtholutely A 1!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Singing.</span> “Venus, seinen Nacken beut
+Dir Dein Sklave, dienstbereit!�</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Running to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Roper</span> and seizing his hands.</span> A&nbsp;vote of
+thanks to Lal for his share in getting it up!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Bland.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Slapping <span class =
+"smallcaps">Roper</span> on the back.</span> Bravo, Lal!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Some of the Others.</p>
+
+<p>Bravo, Lal!</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">152</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Walking about.</span> And to Carlton! Bravo,
+Carlton!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Some of the Others.</p>
+
+<p>Bravo, Carlton! Bravo, Smythe!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">De Castro.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Putting on his overcoat.</span> Don’t forget
+Morrie Coolin’!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>No, don’t forget Morrie. Dear old Morrie!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Some of the Others.</p>
+
+<p>Bravo, Morrie!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">De Castro.</p>
+
+<p>There hathn’t been a hitch from thtart to finish, in fact.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">At the nearer side of the table
+again.</span> Not a hitch.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Fulkerson.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Remembering his grievance.</span> I beg yo’
+par’n&mdash;no’ a ’itch! <span class = "stagedir">In difficulties with
+his overcoat.</span> When a gen’leman’sh invited b’ th’ lady ’f th’
+house t’ partake ’f some refreshmen’&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Some of the Others.</p>
+
+<p>Ha, ha, ha, ha!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Gabrielle.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Coming to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span> and kissing her.</span> So long, dear.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">153</span>
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Enid</span>, <span class =
+"smallcaps">Daphne</span>, and <span class = "smallcaps">Jimmie</span>
+also come to <span class = "smallcaps">Lily</span>, who embraces them
+demonstratively, and the men follow.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To the girls.</span> Ta-ta; ta-ta; ta-ta!
+I&nbsp;won’t come down.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Enid.</p>
+
+<p>No, no; we’ll let ourselves out. <span class = "stagedir">Leaving
+<span class = "smallcaps">Lily</span>.</span> Till to-night!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Till to-night! <span class = "stagedir">Shaking hands with the
+men.</span> Ta-ta; ta-ta; ta-ta!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">The Men.</p>
+
+<p>Ta-ta! Ta-ta! Ta-ta!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Von Rettenmayer.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Kissing her hand slyly.</span> Goddess!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Bland</span>,
+in a whisper.</span> Take care of Bertie. <span class =
+"stagedir">Everybody moves to the door, except <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span> who remains standing in the middle of the room.
+Some are on the landing, some in the doorway, when she calls to <span
+class = "smallcaps">Roper</span> and <span class =
+"smallcaps">Jimmie</span>.</span> Uncle Lal! Jimmie! I&nbsp;want to
+speak to you two for a second. <span class = "stagedir"><span class =
+"smallcaps">Roper</span> and <span class = "smallcaps">Jimmie</span>
+detach themselves from the rest and return.</span> Oh&mdash;and Lord
+Farncombe! <span class = "stagedir"><span class =
+"smallcaps">Farncombe</span> also returns and <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span>, passing him, goes on to the landing and mixes
+with the others.</span> Be off; Lord Farncombe and Lal will look after
+Jimmie. Vincent, <i>you</i> close the front-door. No noise! Au revoir,
+mes enfants! <span class = "stagedir">She watches them
+<span class = "pagenum">154</span>
+descend the stairs and, her manner softening, comes back into the
+room.</span> Lord Farncombe wants to have a quiet talk with me, Uncle
+Lal&mdash;about&mdash;about something, and he’s asked me to let him
+remain behind with Jimmie for a few minutes. <span class = "stagedir">To
+<span class = "smallcaps">Jimmie</span>.</span> But there’s no necessity
+for you to wait, dear.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p>Don’t consider me.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>But I do. Go upstairs and tell mother that Lord Farncombe’s with me.
+Say I promise he shan’t stay long. <span class = "stagedir">To <span
+class = "smallcaps">Roper</span>.</span> You’ll take Jimmie home, won’t
+you, Lal?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">His eyes bolting.</span> W-w-with
+pleasure.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Jimmie</span>.</span> I shall see you again later in the
+day, perhaps?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p>Rather! <span class = "stagedir">Throwing her arms round <span class
+= "smallcaps">Lily’s</span> neck and pressing her cheek to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily’s</span>.</span> Rather! <span class = "stagedir">To
+<span class = "smallcaps">Roper</span>, significantly.</span> Sit in the
+hall till I’m ready.</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+She runs out on to the landing, pausing at the door to bestow a parting
+nod and a smile upon <span class = "smallcaps">Farncombe</span>, and
+ascends the stairs.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">In a state of great excitement and
+exhilaration&mdash;to <span class = "smallcaps">Lily</span>.</span> Yes,
+yes, I&nbsp;won’t keep you and&mdash; <span class = "stagedir">winking
+at her and jerking his head in <span class =
+"smallcaps">Farncombe’s</span> direction</span>
+<span class = "pagenum">155</span>
+from your <i>tête-à-tête</i>. <span class = "stagedir">Patting her face
+gleefully.</span> Ha, ha, ha, ha! <span class = "stagedir">Taking her
+hand, his own quivering.</span> Lil, Uncle Lal you call me, but I’ve
+always felt more like a parent towards you&mdash;acted as such, hey?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Y-y-yes, Lal.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>And any happiness that befalls you&mdash;any happiness that befalls
+you&mdash; <span class = "stagedir">choking</span> I’ll leave it there.
+God bless yer; God bless yer! <span class = "stagedir">bustling over to
+<span class = "smallcaps">Farncombe</span> who, his hat in his hand, his
+overcoat on his arm, is standing near the piano</span> and God bless
+<i>you</i>, my lad! <span class = "stagedir">incoherently</span> I’m
+proud&mdash;proud to have the honour&mdash;and to have been the means
+of&mdash;the means of&mdash; <span class = "stagedir">wringing <span
+class = "smallcaps">Farncombe’s</span> hand</span> God bless you both!
+<span class = "stagedir">He goes to the door and there finds <span class
+= "smallcaps">Lily</span>.</span> I&mdash;I&mdash;I&mdash;I’ll drop in
+by-and-by and&mdash;and&mdash;and inquire after you, my pet.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Faintly.</span> All right, Lal.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Patting her face again.</span> Ha, ha, ha,
+ha! <span class = "stagedir">With a hop.</span> Wurrr-roo! Stand away
+from the lift; no more passengers this journey!</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+He waves to <span class = "smallcaps">Farncombe</span> gaily and
+departs, closing the door. There is a short silence and then <span class
+= "smallcaps">Farncombe</span> places his hat and overcoat upon the
+chair by the piano and turns to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span>.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">156</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">In a low voice.</span> It’s awfully kind and
+gracious of you to have granted my request, and frightfully selfish of
+me to have made it. I&nbsp;deserve to be kicked.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Slowly advancing to the table in the
+centre&mdash;avoiding his gaze.</span> Is&mdash;is Jimmie aware of
+precisely what’s in your note?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>Y-y-yes. <span class = "stagedir">Drawing nearer to her.</span>
+I&nbsp;hope you won’t be angry with me for confiding in her. You see,
+I&mdash;I&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">At the further side of the table, fingering
+one of the objects upon it.</span> And <i>she’ll</i> confide in Uncle
+Lal. <span class = "stagedir">Shrugging her shoulders.</span> Oh, but
+dear old Lal appears to have summed up the situation pretty accurately
+as it is. <span class = "stagedir">With an artificial little
+laugh.</span> Ha, ha, ha! Well, I’m afraid they’ll be horribly
+disappointed, poor wretches.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Blankly.</span> Disap-pointed?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Raising her eyes to his and shaking her head
+at him.</span> You&mdash;you silly boy!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Coming to her quickly.</span> Ah,
+please&mdash;please don’t take that tone with me. I’m no boy. And I’m
+simply
+<span class = "pagenum">157</span>
+mad about you. If you don’t marry me, I&mdash;I&mdash;I’m done for.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>H’sh! Nonsense; not you!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>It’s true. Life’ll be over for me from that moment, if you refuse to
+marry me.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Mockingly.</span> Over!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>Oh, love is all on my side at present, naturally; but, as God hears
+me, it’ll be no fault of mine if you don’t grow to love me in time.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Listen&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>I’ll worship you&mdash;worship you. I <i>do</i> worship you!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>H’sh! Lord Farncombe&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><i>Eddie!</i> Won’t you?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Certainly not.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>Do! Eddie! Eddie!</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">158</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Eddie, then&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>Ah&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Sit down a minute. <span class = "stagedir">She goes to the settee
+and sits there, somewhat ruffled, and he moves to the arm-chair by the
+centre table and also sits, his elbows on his knees, bending towards
+her. She pushes her hair back from her brow impatiently, as if vexed
+with herself.</span> Lord Farncombe&mdash;Eddie&mdash;for how long have
+you known me?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>What does it matter? I&mdash;I admit&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Reckoning our acquaintance from last week&mdash;from the afternoon
+Bertie brought you here, when we scarcely spoke to one another&mdash;you
+haven’t known me for as many days as you can count on your fingers.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>I’ve watched you&mdash;watched you in the theatre&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>On the stage! Ho, ho! Oh, you&mdash;but I mustn’t call you silly boy
+again, must&nbsp;I! And what do you know <i>of</i> me, apart from the
+glimpse you’ve had of me off the stage, and my being a shining light at
+the Pandora? What do you know of my&mdash;what’s the
+word?&mdash;origin&mdash;where and what I’ve sprung from;
+<span class = "pagenum">159</span>
+how I was reared; how much education I’ve received; how much I’ve
+contrived to pick up of the way to behave in <i>per</i>lite society? You
+can judge from poor mother, if from nothing else, that I come from
+humble beginnings. Yes, but <i>how</i> humble you couldn’t <i>dream</i>,
+<span class = "stagedir">making a grimace</span> not after a supper of
+raw carrots!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>Do you think I <i>care</i> how humble your beginnings were! What I do
+know&mdash;what I <i>am</i> sure about&mdash;is that you’re
+good&mdash;and beautiful&mdash;and&mdash;and&mdash;and
+gifted&mdash;and&mdash;and&mdash; <span class = "stagedir">leaning his
+head on his hands</span> oh, I&nbsp;can’t describe you;
+you’re&mdash;you’re&mdash;to me, you’re <i>perfect</i>.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">After a pause, looking at him with blinking
+eyelids.</span> You&mdash;you <i>dear</i>! <span class = "stagedir">He
+raises his head. She changes her tone instantly.</span> <i>Merci</i>;
+yes, perfect, <i>pour le moment</i>. Hear my French! <span class =
+"stagedir">Taking the box of cigarettes from the table.</span> Have a
+cigarette? Don’t get up. <span class = "stagedir">She tosses him a
+cigarette and he catches it.</span> My name’s printed on
+them&mdash;“Lily.� <span class = "stagedir">Lighting a cigarette.</span>
+Isn’t it <i>chic</i>!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Producing his cigarette case and exchanging
+her cigarette for one of his own.</span> I’ll never smoke
+<i>that</i>.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Pushing the match-stand towards him.</span>
+<i>Stoo</i>pid! Now, attend to me. What do you say to a tiny provision
+shop in Kennington, over the water?</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">160</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>Was that&mdash;&mdash;?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Nodding.</span> H’m; that was my start in
+the world. Father kept a small shop in Kennington&mdash;Gladwin Street,
+near the Oval. We sold groceries, and butter and eggs and cheese, and
+pickled-pork and paraffin. I&nbsp;was born there&mdash;on the second
+floor; and in Gladwin Street I lived till I was fourteen. Then father
+smashed, through the Stores cutting into our little trade. Well, hardly
+smashed; that’s too imposing. The business just faded, and one morning
+we didn’t bother to take the shutters down. Then, after a while, father
+got a starvation berth&mdash;eighteen shillings a week!&mdash;at a
+wholesale bacon warehouse&mdash;Price and Moseley’s&mdash;still over the
+water; and I earned an extra five at a place in the Westminster Bridge
+Road, for pasting the gilt edges on to passe-partouts from nine a.m.
+till six in the evening.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">His head bowed again.</span> Great
+heavens!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Not a syllable against the passe-partouts! They were the making of
+me. It was the passe-partouts that brought me and Tedder together.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>Who?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Tedder. In the house where I worked, a man of
+<span class = "pagenum">161</span>
+the name of Tedder&mdash;Ambrose Tedder&mdash;taught dancing&mdash;stage
+dancing&mdash;“Tedder’s Academy of Saltatory Art�&mdash;and every time I
+passed Tedder’s door, and heard his violin or piano, and the sound of
+the pupils’ feet, I&mdash;! <span class = "stagedir">Breaking off and
+throwing herself back.</span> Oh, lor’, if once I&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>Go on; go on.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Well, ultimately Tedder took me and trained me&mdash;did it for
+nix&mdash;for what he hoped to get out of me in the future. Ah, and he
+<i>hasn’t</i> lost over me&mdash;poor old Ambrose! He collared a third
+of my salary for ever so long; and now that the old chap’s rheumaticky
+and worn out, I&mdash;oh, it’s not worth mentioning. <span class =
+"stagedir">Jumping up and walking away.</span> My stars, he could teach,
+could Tedder! I&nbsp;began by going to him for the last twenty minutes
+of my dinner-hour. He wanted to stop <i>that</i>, because it was bad for
+me, he said, to practise on a full&mdash;a&nbsp;full&mdash;! Ha, ha, ha!
+On a <i>full</i>&mdash;! <span class = "stagedir">Behind the table,
+resting her two hands upon it and shaking with laughter.</span> Ho, ho,
+ho! As if I ever had&mdash;in those days&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Writhing.</span> Ah,
+don’t&mdash;don’t&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Brushing the tears from her eyes.</span>
+I&nbsp;was a pupil of Tedder’s for twelve months, and then he got me on
+at the Canterbury; and from the Canterbury I went to Gatti’s, and from
+Gatti’s to the Lane, for a few lines
+<span class = "pagenum">162</span>
+in the pantomime and an understudy&mdash;my first appearance in the West
+End&mdash; <span class = "stagedir">singing</span> “Oh, the West End is
+the best end!�&mdash;and from there I went to the old Strand, and there
+Morrie Cooling spotted me, and that led to me being engaged at the
+Pandora, where I ate my heart out, doing next to nothing, for two whole
+years. Then came the production of <i>The Duchess of Brixton</i>, and it
+was in <i>The Duchess</i>&mdash;thanks to Vincent Bland&mdash;that I
+sang the “Mind the Paint� song. He believed in me, did Vincent;
+<i>he</i> saw I was fit for something more than just prancing about, and
+airing my ankles, in a gay frock. By Jupiter, how he fought for me;
+<i>how</i> he fought for me, up to the final rehearsal! And to this day,
+whenever I indulge in a prayer, you bet Vincent Bland has a paragraph
+all to himself in it! <span class = "stagedir">Checking herself and
+coming to <span class = "smallcaps">Farncombe</span>.</span> Oh,
+but&mdash;I&nbsp;needn’t inflict quite so much of my biography on you,
+need I? <span class = "stagedir">He rises.</span> Sorry. I&nbsp;merely
+wanted to tell you enough to show you&mdash;to show
+you&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Close to her, gazing into her eyes.</span>
+To show me what a&mdash;what a <i>marvel</i> you are!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Pleased.</span> Ha, ha! Oh, I’m not chucking
+mud at myself really. Why should I! Many a woman ’ud feel as vain as a
+peacock in my shoes. Fancy! From the shop in Gladwin Street to&mdash;
+<span class = "stagedir">with a gesture</span> to <i>this</i>! And from
+Tedder’s stuffy room in the Westminster Bridge Road to the stage of the
+Pandora, as principal girl!</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">163</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Tenderly.</span> Wonderful!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Carried away by her narration and putting
+her hands upon his shoulders familiarly.</span> Yes, and all the
+schooling I’ve ever had, Eddie, was at a cheap, frowsy day-school in
+Kennington, with a tribe of other common, skinny-legged brats. Imagine
+it!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Taking her hands.</span> I can’t imagine it;
+I&nbsp;defy anybody to.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Unthinkingly allowing him to retain her
+hands.</span> Everything I’ve learned since&mdash;except my music, and
+that I owe to Tedder and Vincent&mdash;everything I’ve learned since,
+I’ve learned by sheer cuteness, from novels, the papers, the theatres,
+and by keeping my ears open like a cunning little parrot. <span class =
+"stagedir">Softly.</span> Ha, ha! That’s what I am&mdash;a&nbsp;cunning
+little parrot!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Laughing with her.</span> Ha, ha!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Tossing her head.</span> Ho, I dare say, if
+I had the opportunity, I&nbsp;could imitate the fine <i>ly</i>dies
+<i>you</i> mix with, so that in less than six months you’d hardly know
+the difference between them and me!</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">164</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Holding her hands to his breast.</span>
+There is no difference already; there <i>is</i> none.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Isn’t there! <span class = "stagedir">Almost nestling up to
+him.</span> Ah, you should see me in one of my vile tempers. <span class
+= "stagedir">Wistfully.</span> Then&mdash;then you wouldn’t&mdash;!
+<span class = "stagedir">Becoming conscious of her proximity to him, she
+backs away and stands rubbing the palms of her hands together in
+embarrassment.</span> Anyhow&mdash;anyhow it isn’t my intention to give
+you a chance of comparing us.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Under his breath.</span> Oh&mdash;Miss
+Parradell&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Collecting herself.</span> No, I&mdash;I’m
+not going to let you make a fool of yourself over <i>me</i>, if I can
+help it.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>Fool&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Facing him and speaking quietly but
+firmly.</span> Recollect, however shrewd and apt I may be, and however
+straight I’ve managed to keep myself, still&mdash;I’m only a Pandora
+girl, and should always be remembered as one by your chums and
+belongings. Only a Pandora girl. Nothing can alter that, dear boy; and
+you mustn’t&mdash;you mustn’t handicap yourself by hanging <i>me</i>
+round your neck.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">165</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Heavily.</span> I&mdash;I shouldn’t be the
+first of my sort to marry a “Pandora girl,� not by half a dozen or
+more.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>No, but&mdash;without wishing to flatter you&mdash;I&nbsp;don’t quite
+put you on a level with Robbie Kinterton, and Glenroy, and Georgie
+Fawcus, and&mdash;that crew. <span class = "stagedir">Cheerfully.</span>
+And so I mean to take care of you&mdash;to take care of you for your own
+sake and for your mammy’s and daddy’s. <span class = "stagedir">She
+turns from him and fetches his hat and coat and gives them to him. He
+receives them from her with a dazed look.</span> Time’s up. <span class
+= "stagedir">After a silence during which neither stirs.</span> Never
+mind. You’ll survive it. <span class = "stagedir">Another pause.</span>
+Come along.</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+She passes him, to go to the door on the left. As she does so he flings
+his hat and coat on to the settee, and clasps her in his arms.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>Lily&mdash;Lily&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Ah, that’s not fair!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>Don’t&mdash;don’t send me away like this!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Her hand against his breast.</span> It isn’t
+fair of you!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>Say you’ll take time to consider<ins class = "correction" title =
+"period missing or invisible">.&nbsp;</ins></p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">166</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>I hate you for it!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>Ask Roper’s advice&mdash;your mother’s&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>I’ve trusted you!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>Ask Miss Birch&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Eddie! Lord Farncombe&mdash;&mdash;! <span class = "stagedir">He
+releases her and they confront one another, she panting, he hanging his
+head guiltily.</span> W-w-well, I&mdash;I&nbsp;<i>have</i> been mistaken
+in you.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">In despair.</span> I&mdash;I&mdash;&mdash;
+<span class = "stagedir">Turning from her and hitting his temples with
+his fists.</span> Forgive me. Forgive me.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Ha! I&mdash;I thought you were such a quiet, bashful fellow.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>Forgive me. Forgive me.</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+She wavers and then slowly approaches him.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Gently.</span> Don’t&mdash;don’t fret about
+it. <i>I</i>&nbsp;forgive you. <span class = "stagedir">Touching his arm
+with her finger-tips.</span> I’m to blame. <span class =
+"stagedir">Drawing a deep breath.</span> All those
+dances&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+He seizes her hand and kisses it passionately.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">167</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>I may see you again? I may see you again? Lily&mdash;Lily&mdash;!
+Lily&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">In a whisper, averting her head.</span>
+N-no&mdash;we’d better not&mdash;&mdash; <span class = "stagedir">There
+is a low but distinct knocking at the door on the left. She withdraws
+her hand and they look at each other, he inquiringly, she with a calm
+face. The knocking is repeated.</span> Mother. <span class =
+"stagedir">She goes to the door and speaks with her mouth close to
+it.</span> That you, mother? <span class = "stagedir">She listens for a
+reply and again the knocking is heard.</span> Who is it? <span class =
+"stagedir">She opens the door. <span class = "smallcaps">Jeyes</span> is
+outside.</span> Nicko! <span class = "stagedir"><span class =
+"smallcaps">Jeyes</span> comes into the room. He has rid himself of his
+wig and beard and is wearing an overcoat buttoned up to his chin and a
+cap drawn down to his brows. His face is white and his jaws are set
+determinedly.</span> How&mdash;how have you got in? <span class =
+"stagedir">He produces a bunch of keys and grimly displays a
+latch-key.</span> Oh&mdash;oh&mdash;&mdash;! <span class =
+"stagedir">Pulling off his cap, <span class = "smallcaps">Jeyes</span>
+advances to the table in the centre, glaring at <span class =
+"smallcaps">Farncombe</span>. <span class = "smallcaps">Lily</span>
+closes the door sharply and also advances, speaking volubly to <span
+class = "smallcaps">Farncombe</span> as she comes forward.</span>
+Captain Jeyes is in the habit of bringing me home from the theatre after
+my work; and a long while ago I gave him a latch-key to carry on his
+key-ring, so that he could let me into my house whenever I’d forgotten
+my own key. He hasn’t the slightest right to use it at any other time;
+nobody knows that better than he does. It’s a confounded liberty! <span
+class = "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Jeyes</span>,
+hotly.</span> What are you doing here at all at this hour of the
+morning?</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">168</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">After an expressive glance at <span class =
+"smallcaps">Farncombe</span>.</span> An odd question, in the
+circumstances.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Answer me!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>Keeping an eye on <i>you</i>.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Spying on me!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>On you&mdash; <span class = "stagedir">jerking his head towards <span
+class = "smallcaps">Farncombe</span></span> and&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>How dare you!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>I’ve been at it all night.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>All night!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>Yes; I was in the theatre while you were supping and dancing.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><i>You</i> were!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>I <i>meant</i> to be there. You did your best to stop
+it&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">169</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>That’s a lie!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>So that you could enjoy yourself thoroughly&mdash; <span class =
+"stagedir">glancing at <span class = "smallcaps">Farncombe</span>
+again</span> with&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>A lie!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>I didn’t leave till past three. You and&mdash; <span class =
+"stagedir">with another motion of the head towards <span class =
+"smallcaps">Farncombe</span></span> had just had your fifth dance
+together, and they were hauling you round the building.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Where <i>were</i> you? Who&mdash;&mdash;?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>Excuse me; that’s my business. Then I went back to Jermyn Street, and
+it suddenly struck me I’d like to see how your escort was composed.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>You’ve been watching outside?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>Since a quarter-to-four&mdash;under the portico at the corner.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Contemptuously.</span>
+<i>You</i>&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">170</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>Yes, but, by God, I wasn’t quite prepared for <i>this</i>!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>This!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Cramming his cap into his overcoat-pocket
+and coming to <span class = "smallcaps">Farncombe</span>.</span> What
+the hell’s your game? You’ve got some accommodating friends, both of
+you, in that blackguard Roper and that slut Jimmie Birch!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Oh&mdash;! <span class = "stagedir">Approaching <span class =
+"smallcaps">Jeyes</span> with clenched fists.</span> Ah, you
+cur&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Holding up his hand to her
+appealingly.</span> Miss Parradell&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Jeyes</span>.</span> You cur! Mother’s been told that Lord
+Farncombe’s with me. I&nbsp;sent Jimmie up to tell her.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>Where <i>is</i> your mother?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>In bed, of course.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>Snoring! Ha, ha, ha! Faugh, there’s an ugly name, my girl, for such
+mothers as yours!</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">171</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Ah&mdash;! <span class = "stagedir">Raising her fist.</span>
+Ah-h-h-h&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>Miss Parradell&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Restraining herself with difficulty and
+pacing the room.</span> Oh, the cur! The cur! The cur!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Jeyes</span>,
+looking at him steadily.</span> Captain Jeyes&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>The low cur!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>Captain Jeyes, do you happen to know where I lodge?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>No; I don’t know where your sty is.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>St. James’s Place&mdash;forty-seven. I shall be in at twelve o’clock.
+<span class = "stagedir">Picking up his hat and overcoat.</span> From
+the tone this gentleman adopts, Miss Parradell, I&nbsp;assume that he
+considers himself entitled to concern himself in your affairs. <span
+class = "stagedir">Moving over to the left where <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span> joins him.</span> Perhaps it will make it easier
+for you if I&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">172</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Clutching his arm.</span> Ah, I’m so
+indignant, Eddie! I&mdash;I&mdash;I&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>Eddie! <i>Eddie!</i></p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Turning upon <span class =
+"smallcaps">Jeyes</span> in a fury.</span> Yes, you cad&mdash;Eddie,
+<i>Eddie</i>, <span class = "smallcaps">Eddie</span>! You cad! You
+sneak! You idler! You waster! I’ve stood it long enough. This is the
+last straw! I’ve done with you! I’m sick to death of you! How I’ve
+tolerated you all these years is a mystery to me! After this, get out of
+my sight and never show yourself to me again!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Grasping her wrist, fiercely.</span>
+Lily&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Wrenching herself free.</span> <i>What!</i>
+<span class = "stagedir">Losing control over herself utterly.</span>
+You’ll spy on me, will you, you shabby loafer! You’ll peep at me while
+I’m eating my supper, and count the dances I choose to give that boy
+over there, will you! And then you’ll break into my house, and insult my
+friends behind their backs, and insinuate foul things against my poor
+old mother&mdash;you damned coward!&mdash;and against me, <span class =
+"stagedir">pointing to <span class = "smallcaps">Farncombe</span></span>
+and <i>him</i>! Why, you’re not fit to black his boots, and you never
+were&mdash;never&mdash;you&mdash;you&mdash;you scum! Here! <span class =
+"stagedir">Taking <span class = "smallcaps">Farncombe’s</span> note from
+her bosom and thrusting it at <span class =
+"smallcaps">Jeyes</span>.</span> Read that! <span class =
+"stagedir">Sitting in the arm-chair by the centre table.</span>
+<span class = "pagenum">173</span>
+Read it! Read it! Read it! <span class = "stagedir"><span class =
+"smallcaps">Jeyes</span> reads to himself.</span> Out loud!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Mumbling.</span> “Dear Miss Parradell. Will
+you allow me&mdash;&mdash;?�</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Louder!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>“Will you allow me to remain behind for a few minutes with Miss
+Jimmie after the others have gone? I&nbsp;know I am presuming a lot, but
+I cannot leave you till I have asked you the most important question a
+man can put to a woman. Farncombe.�</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Breathless.</span> Written here&mdash;on my
+note-paper&mdash;while I was out of the room! It came on me like a
+thunder-clap! Ah! Ah! Ah! <span class = "stagedir"><span class =
+"smallcaps">Jeyes</span> sits upon the settee, staring at the
+carpet.</span> And Morrie Cooling and Lal will tell you that I hadn’t a
+notion that Lord Farncombe was to be at the supper last night, or any of
+the boys; not a notion. I&nbsp;blackguarded ’em both for deceiving me,
+and causing me to deceive <i>you</i>. <span class = "stagedir">Taking
+the scent-atomizer from the table and spraying her face with it.</span>
+Now! What have you to say now! Ah! Ah! Ah!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Huskily.</span> Why&mdash;why the devil did
+you let Jimmie go? Why did you let her go? It was knowing that you and
+Farncombe were alone that&mdash;that made me&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">174</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Oh, if I’d suspected that a private detective was hovering around,
+I’d have kept the whole lot of my friends! As it was, Jimmie was looking
+dead, and&mdash;! <span class = "stagedir">in disdain.</span> Pah!</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+There is a pause and then <span class = "smallcaps">Jeyes</span> sits
+upright and draws his hand wearily across his eyes.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span>.</span> Well, I&mdash;I beg your pardon. <span
+class = "stagedir"><span class = "smallcaps">Lily</span> continues to
+spray herself energetically.</span> I’m not so completely <i>scum</i> as
+not to see that I ought to beg your pardon. <span class =
+"stagedir">Humbly.</span> I&nbsp;beg your pardon.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Softening by degrees.</span> You&mdash;you
+drive me mad sometimes&mdash;positively frantic!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Partly to himself.</span> Mad! <span class =
+"stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Farncombe</span>.</span> And
+you, Farncombe&mdash;I&nbsp;hope you’ll accept my apologies.
+I&nbsp;offer them unreservedly.</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Farncombe</span> bows, somewhat stiffly.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Jeyes</span>,
+protruding her lower lip.</span> I&mdash;I&nbsp;didn’t mean half I said,
+Nicko; I&nbsp;didn’t mean half of it. <span class = "stagedir">Eyeing
+<span class = "smallcaps">Farncombe</span> askance as she replaces the
+atomizer.</span> And I&mdash;I’m ashamed of myself for losing my
+self-control as I did. <span class = "stagedir">There is another pause
+and then <span class = "smallcaps">Jeyes</span> gets to his feet and
+silently returns the note to <span class = "smallcaps">Lily</span>. She
+looks up at him piteously and puts the note back into her
+<span class = "pagenum">175</span>
+bosom. Then he takes out his key-ring, removes the latch key from it,
+and throws the key on to the table. Having done this, he drags his cap
+from his pocket and makes for the door on the left. As he passes <span
+class = "smallcaps">Lily</span>, she rises and gently plucks at his
+sleeve.</span> Nicko&mdash;Nicko&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">In a thick voice.</span> Eh?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Won’t you&mdash;won’t you give Lord Farncombe&mdash;some
+explanation&mdash;&mdash;?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>Explanation&mdash;&mdash;?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Of the sort of terms we’ve been on, you and I, He&mdash;he must
+be&mdash;rather puzzled&mdash; <span class = "stagedir">turning away to
+the table.</span> Oh, it’s due to you as well as to me!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Dully.</span> Just as you please. <span
+class = "stagedir">With a hard laugh.</span> Ho, ho! Yes, perhaps it
+<i>is</i> due to me that he should learn a little more about me than
+he’s been able to gather from personal observation&mdash;and from your
+eloquent but summary description. <span class = "stagedir">Under his
+breath, screwing up his cap.</span>
+Idler&mdash;waster&mdash;loafer&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Penitently.</span> Nicko!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Farncombe</span>, quietly.</span> Oh, it’s a true bill,
+Farncombe. And yet, a&nbsp;very few years back&mdash;<i>she</i> won’t
+<span class = "pagenum">176</span>
+dispute it&mdash;I was one of the smartest chaps going, good at my job,
+with prospects as rosy as any man’s in my regiment. There wasn’t a cloud
+the size of your hand, apparently, in my particular bit of sky at the
+time I speak of; not a speck! Then I met this young lady, and&mdash;
+<span class = "stagedir">pointing to the box-ottoman</span> well, since
+we’re in for it&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>Oh, Captain Jeyes&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>No, no; she wishes you to understand the exact nature of the
+friendship between her and me. I’m obeying instructions. <span class =
+"stagedir"><span class = "smallcaps">Farncombe</span> sits on the
+ottoman, nursing his hat and overcoat. Then <span class =
+"smallcaps">Jeyes</span> sits in the arm-chair by the centre table,
+first turning the chair so that it faces <span class =
+"smallcaps">Farncombe</span>.</span> Farncombe, I&nbsp;was under thirty,
+and still a subaltern, when I made Miss Parradell’s acquaintance. Like
+most of my pals, I&nbsp;was spending my nights, whenever I could get
+away from Aldershot, in the stalls at the Pandora&mdash;much the same as
+<i>you’ve</i> been doing recently, and as a certain class of young
+man’ll go on doing as long as the Pandora, and similar shops, continue
+to flourish. Ha! How honoured we felt, we men, in those days, at knowing
+some of the Pandora girls, and having the privilege of supping ’em and
+standing ’em dinner on Sunday evenings! If they’d been royal princesses
+we couldn’t have been more elated. <span class = "stagedir">With a
+gesture.</span> Don’t jump at conclusions. It generally ended there, or
+with our running into debt at a jeweller’s. <i>We</i> were young,
+<i>they</i> were beautiful&mdash;or we thought ’em
+<span class = "pagenum">177</span>
+so; but the majority of us weren’t vicious, any more than the majority
+of the girls were&mdash;though many of ’em were mighty calculating. It
+would have been better for us men if all the girls <i>had</i> been
+wicked; the glamour, the infatuation, the folly, would have been sooner
+over, and one of us at least would have had a different tale to
+tell.</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Jeyes</span> pauses, gazing at the floor,
+<span class = "smallcaps">Farncombe</span> moves impatiently on the
+ottoman and <span class = "smallcaps">Lily</span> seats herself upon the
+settee.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Plaintively.</span>
+Nicko&mdash;Nicko&mdash;I merely wanted you to&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Rousing himself and speaking to <span class
+= "smallcaps">Lily</span> over his shoulder.</span> Who was it
+introduced us?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Miss Du Cane&mdash;Aggie Du Cane.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>Agnes Du Cane. <i>She’s</i> gone under. <span class = "stagedir">To
+<span class = "smallcaps">Lily</span>.</span> Outside Buckley’s
+oyster-bar, wasn’t it?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Not outside; in the parlour.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Farncombe</span>.</span> Lily had only lately come to the
+Pandora&mdash;a&nbsp;pale-faced slip of a thing. <span class =
+"stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Lily</span>.</span> Eighteen,
+weren’t you?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Nodding.</span> Eighteen.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">178</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>I confess I wasn’t overwhelmingly attracted by her at first; she was
+so unlike the rest. <span class = "stagedir">Laughing bitterly.</span>
+Ha, ha, ha!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Weakly.</span> Ha, ha, ha! Wasn’t I
+dowdy!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>But she was humble, and naïve, and confiding; and my vanity was
+tickled by her delight at the little treats I gave her, and by her
+gratitude for a tuppeny-ha’penny present or two. Nobody, I&nbsp;believe,
+with any pretensions to being a gentleman, had paid her much attention
+before I arrived on the scene.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">In a murmur.</span> No; nobody.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>I didn’t find out that I was in love with her&mdash;you guess it’s a
+love story, don’t you?&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Delicately.</span> My dear Captain
+Jeyes&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>I didn’t find out that I was neck and heels in love with her until
+nearly a year afterwards, when my regiment went to the Curragh.
+<i>That</i> did it&mdash;separation! What I suffered in that hole,
+thinking of her, starving for her! In less than three months I was in
+London again, on leave, and in my old stall at the
+<span class = "pagenum">179</span>
+Pandora. But even then, Farncombe, I hadn’t your pluck.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>Pluck?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>The pluck to snap my fingers at the world and propose marriage to a
+Pandora girl. Besides, my mother was alive then, and&mdash; <span class
+= "stagedir">abruptly, with a wild look</span> would you like to know
+what <i>she</i> used to call these Pandora women, Farncombe? <span class
+= "stagedir">Bending forward, his hands tightly clenched.</span> She
+used to call them <i>a menace to society</i>. With their beauty, and
+their flagrant opportunities for displaying it, they are a living curse,
+she used to say&mdash;a&nbsp;source of constant dread to mothers whose
+hope it is to see their sons safely mated to modest, maidenly girls of
+the typical English pattern. She told us once&mdash;my brothers and
+me&mdash;frightened as to where <i>we</i> were drifting, that she was
+one of many mothers who prayed on their knees daily that their boys
+might be spared from being drawn into the net woven by their own
+weaknesses and passions&mdash;drawn into it by
+these&mdash;these&mdash;&mdash;! <span class = "stagedir">He breaks off,
+stares about him for a moment, and then rises.</span> Oh, but I oughtn’t
+to have repeated this to <i>you</i>. Pardon. <span class =
+"stagedir">Walking away unsteadily.</span> Ho, damned bad taste! <span
+class = "stagedir">Behind the table, supporting himself by leaning upon
+it.</span> Where was&nbsp;I? Back from the Curragh! <span class =
+"stagedir">Confused.</span> Yes&mdash;yes&mdash;and so things went on
+for a couple o’ years&mdash;I&nbsp;trailing after Lily closer than
+ever&mdash;and at last&mdash;at last I <i>did</i> ask her to be my
+wife.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Who has been listening to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Jeyes</span> with parted lips
+<span class = "pagenum">180</span>
+and wide-open eyes&mdash;appealingly.</span> Don’t! Don’t, Nicko;
+don’t!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Oblivious of her interruption.</span> But
+I’d left it too late. The novelty of me had worn off; she’d scores of
+friends by that time; she’d made her big hit, and followed it with
+another, and was the talk o’ the town. And she’d money; she wasn’t
+dependent on <i>me</i> any longer for her gloves and her trips and
+outings!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Her head drooping.</span> Oh! Oh! <span
+class = "stagedir">Wringing her hands.</span> Oh, that’s <i>beastly</i>
+of you; <i>beastly</i>!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>She was kind to me too, in a way&mdash;kind and cruel. She didn’t
+want to marry me; she didn’t want to marry anybody; she was in love with
+herself, and her success, and what it was bringing her. But she wouldn’t
+give me the kick. No, she wouldn’t do that; I&nbsp;<i>had</i> been
+something to her. And there’s where the kindness came in&mdash;and the
+merciless cruelty. <span class = "stagedir">Sitting upon the
+fauteuil-stool rigidly.</span> God, if only she’d broken with me then,
+firmly and finally&mdash;if only she’d broken with me
+then&mdash;she&mdash;she might have saved me!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Struggling with her tears.</span> Oh, Nicko,
+Nicko!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>Twelve months ago she did throw me a bone. The regiment was under
+orders for India, and of
+<span class = "pagenum">181</span>
+course I sent in my papers; and out of pity, I&nbsp;suppose&mdash;and
+because I was always pestering her&mdash;she promised to become engaged
+to me if I’d get other work to do. Work! I&nbsp;wonder whether really
+she was grinning to herself when she made the stipulation!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Oh&mdash;oh&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>Work! All the spunk, all the energy, had been sapped out of me long
+before, and even her promise couldn’t revive it. My search for a berth
+wasn’t much more than a sham. At the back of my head I knew very well
+what I’d come to. The only work <i>I</i> was capable of was dancing
+attendance on <i>her</i>, and filling in what remained of the day and
+night at a rotten restaurant, a&nbsp;Bohemian club, and the bar of the
+theatre. And that’s <i>been</i> my sole employment for the past
+year&mdash;nothing but that. Pretty, for a man who started life as
+swimmingly as I did! <span class = "stagedir">His voice dying
+away.</span>
+Pretty&mdash;pretty&mdash;pretty&mdash;pretty&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">After a profound stillness.</span>
+I&mdash;I&nbsp;don’t think you’ve ever&mdash;put the case to
+me&mdash;quite so plainly as this, Nicko.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>I&mdash;I don’t think I’ve ever put it quite so plainly&mdash;to
+myself.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">182</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Her lip trembling.</span> You&mdash;you
+won’t believe me&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>What?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>I&mdash;I’ve never fully realised it till now&mdash;the harm I’ve
+done you. I&nbsp;declare to God I’ve never realised it till now. <span
+class = "stagedir">Faintly.</span> Nicko&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">After a further pause.</span> Ah,
+well&mdash;! <span class = "stagedir">With a deep sigh.</span> Ah, well!
+<span class = "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Farncombe</span>,
+resignedly.</span> Farncombe, I&mdash;I’m afraid I’m a shocking brute.
+I&mdash;I&nbsp;got carried away. Forget&mdash;forget the things I’ve
+said of this girl. Forget ’em, will yer? <span class =
+"stagedir">Starting to his feet.</span> And look here! A&nbsp;man who
+isn’t a sportsman deserves to be shot. You’ve won her; I’ve lost her.
+Congratulate yer, old chap; congratulate yer! <span class =
+"stagedir">Pulling on his cap.</span> Take care of her, that’s all;
+m-m-mind you take care of her!</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+He turns towards the door and she jumps up and runs to him and seizes
+his arm. <span class = "smallcaps">Farncombe</span> also rises.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>No, no, Nicko! Nicko&mdash;! <span class = "stagedir">Giving <span
+class = "smallcaps">Farncombe</span> a half frightened, half imploring
+look.</span> Nicko, I&nbsp;can’t undo the mischief I’ve done;
+I&nbsp;can’t do that. But I can try to make it up to you&mdash;some of
+it&mdash;and I will, if you’ll let me. <span class = "stagedir">Putting
+her arms round his shoulders.</span> Nicko&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">183</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Roughly.</span> Make it&mdash;up to me?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Her face close to his.</span> You know what
+I mean! As soon as possible&mdash;next month, if you like&mdash;next
+week&mdash;quietly&mdash;! <span class = "stagedir">He grips her arms
+and stares at her blankly.</span> Ha, ha! Yes, you’ve been in too great
+a hurry to settle matters, <i>you</i> have. Lord Farncombe and
+I&mdash;we&mdash;<i>we’re</i> not going to be married. I’ve refused him.
+<span class = "stagedir">Wildly.</span> I&mdash;I’ve ruined <i>you</i>,
+Nicko; but I&mdash;I’ve told him&mdash;I’m not going to draw <i>him</i>
+into my net! <span class = "stagedir">Clinging to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Jeyes</span> and burying her face in the breast of his coat,
+crying.</span> Oh! Oh! Oh! I’m not going to draw <i>him</i> into my
+net!</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+Again there is a pause and then <span class = "smallcaps">Jeyes</span>
+turns to <span class = "smallcaps">Farncombe</span>, dazed.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>Farncombe&mdash;&mdash;?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Inclining his head.</span>
+Yes&mdash;yes&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">With feeling.</span> My dear fellow,
+I&mdash;I&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Raising her head and speaking through her
+tears&mdash;to <span class = "smallcaps">Jeyes</span>.</span> Nicko,
+I&mdash;I&nbsp;want to have one more word with Lord Farncombe&mdash;just
+one more word. <span class = "stagedir">He nods understandingly and goes
+to the door on the left. She follows him.</span> Only a minute; <span
+class = "stagedir">he opens the door</span> and
+<span class = "pagenum">184</span>
+then you must walk away together, you and he, and part good friends.
+<span class = "stagedir">He goes out on to the landing and she closes
+the door and stands with her back to it, drying her eyes with her
+handkerchief. <span class = "smallcaps">Farncombe</span>, still carrying
+his hat and overcoat, has crossed to the settee, a&nbsp;forlorn
+figure.</span> W-w-well, you&mdash;you <i>have</i> had a lucky escape,
+haven’t you?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Heavily.</span> Escape?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Leaving the door and advancing.</span>
+You&mdash;you’ve heard what a cold-blooded, selfish wretch I
+am&mdash;how I’ve treated Nicko!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Waving the idea away.</span>
+Oh&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Coming to him.</span> And you’ve seen what
+I’m like when I’m in a rage; you’ve seen what the genuine Lily Margaret
+Upjohn is, without her disguise. <span class = "stagedir">Looking up
+into his face pathetically.</span> Yes, that was <i>me</i>, Eddie, under
+the crust. Common as dirt, dear; common as dirt! <span class =
+"stagedir">Holding the lapels of his coat.</span> Oh! Oh, you’ll always
+remember me, with my eyes starting out of my head, spitting at Nicko!
+You’ll always picture that horrible sight when you think of me.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>You&mdash;you were provoked; I&mdash;I admired you for it.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">185</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Tenderly.</span> Ah, you dear boy! <span
+class = "stagedir">In an altered tone.</span> Eddie&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>Yes?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Had you&mdash;a little hope&mdash;that, after all, I&nbsp;might turn
+your offer over in my mind and&mdash;and eventually&mdash;&mdash;?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>Yes&mdash;yes.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">With a catch in her breath.</span>
+Ah&mdash;&mdash;! <span class = "stagedir">In a whisper.</span>
+I&mdash;I’ll tell you something.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>What?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">In his ear.</span> I <i>might</i> have,
+if&mdash;if you’d persisted.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Groaning.</span> Oh-h-h-h!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Retreating a step or two.</span> Thank God
+Nicko came along! Thank God Nicko came along! <i>What</i> was it his
+mother called us girls? A&nbsp;menace to society; creatures to be
+dreaded, and prayed against! You see I was right in wishing to protect
+you for your mammy’s sake as well as your own. But, oh&mdash;thank God
+Nicko came along! <span class = "stagedir">He sits suddenly upon the
+<span class = "pagenum">186</span>
+settee and covers his face with his hands. She returns to him
+quickly.</span> Ah, don’t do that; don’t do that! <span class =
+"stagedir">Touching his hands.</span> Eddie! Eddie! I’m not worth it.
+Eddie! <span class = "stagedir">With an effort, he lifts his
+head.</span> Listen. <i>This</i> is what I want to say to you. Don’t
+come near me any more; you mustn’t. And don’t come to the theatre again
+either. If I thought you were sitting in front, I&mdash;I’m sure I
+couldn’t&mdash;&mdash;! <span class = "stagedir">Entreatingly.</span>
+Swear&mdash;swear you’ll keep away from me, and from the theatre! <span
+class = "stagedir">He nods.</span> And you’ll never go to any supper or
+dinner or dance where you’re likely to meet the other girls, will you?
+Eddie! <span class = "stagedir">He shakes his head.</span> Swear! <span
+class = "stagedir">He rises and, as he does so, she grips the lapels of
+his coat again, her eyes blazing fiercely.</span> Oh! Oh! If one of the
+other girls ever got hold of you, I&mdash;I&mdash; <span class =
+"stagedir">hissing into his face</span> I’d kill her! <span class =
+"stagedir">She leaves him and goes to the door on the left and opens
+it.</span> Nicko! <span class = "stagedir"><span class =
+"smallcaps">Jeyes</span> enters the room.</span> March, both of you!
+<span class = "stagedir">Exhausted.</span> I&mdash;I’m pretty well
+baked. <span class = "stagedir"><span class =
+"smallcaps">Farncombe</span> joins <span class = "smallcaps">Lily</span>
+and <span class = "smallcaps">Jeyes</span> at the door and she stands
+between the two men looking from one to the other and taking a hand of
+each.</span> Ha, ha, ha! I’ve made the <i>pair</i> of you precious
+miserable, if you only knew it. <span class = "stagedir">To <span class
+= "smallcaps">Jeyes</span>.</span> The difference is that <i>he’ll</i>
+soon forget me, and <i>you</i>, with <i>me</i> for a wife, are doomed
+for life. <span class = "stagedir">Putting her hands upon <span class =
+"smallcaps">Jeyes</span>’ shoulders.</span> Nicko&mdash;&mdash;! <span
+class = "stagedir">She kisses him lightly and, having done so, asks him
+a question with her eyes. <span class = "smallcaps">Jeyes</span> turns
+aside and she faces <span class = "smallcaps">Farncombe</span> and
+offers him her lips. They kiss.</span> Good-bye. <span class =
+"stagedir">After a moment’s pause, to both of them.</span> Away with
+you! <span class = "stagedir">The two men go out and she follows them to
+the top of the stairs and watches them descend. Then she slowly comes
+back into the room and stands listening at the door. There is a distant
+sound.</span> Ah! <span class = "stagedir">Partly closing
+<span class = "pagenum">187</span>
+the door, she wanders about the room aimlessly for a while. Then,
+impulsively, she runs to the further window, lifts the sash, and looks
+below.</span> Ah!... Ah!... <span class = "stagedir">Drawing
+back.</span> Ah-h-h-h&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+She shuts the window and comes to the settee and, sitting there, takes
+off her shoes. Then she goes down upon the floor inelegantly, hunts for
+her slippers, and puts them on. As she rises, the door on the left is
+pushed open and <span class = "smallcaps">Mrs. Upjohn</span> peeps in
+cautiously.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">In a dressing-gown and with her hair, now
+very scanty, tightly screwed up.</span> Lil&mdash;&mdash;?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Stiffening herself and speaking in a cold,
+level voice.</span> Oh, I&nbsp;was just coming up to you, mother, to get
+you to undo me.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Bustling to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span>.</span> I didn’t mean to, but I fell off. <span
+class = "stagedir">Unhooking <span class = "smallcaps">Lily’s</span>
+dress.</span> It <i>was</i> the front-door I ’eard a minute ago, then?
+It gave me sech a start. <span class = "stagedir">In difficulties with
+the hooks.</span> Turn more to the light, dearie. These dressmakers do
+it a’ purpose, I&nbsp;b’lieve. The ’ooks on that noo gown o’ mine are a
+perfect myst’ry. Wot’s <i>this</i>?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Twisting her body.</span> Oh, don’t fiddle
+so, mother!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>You <i>did</i> let ’im stay a time, Lil. ’Eaps to talk over, eh?</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">188</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Stonily.</span> Heaps. <span class =
+"stagedir">Trying to assist <span class = "smallcaps">Mrs.
+Upjohn</span>.</span> Oh&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>Well, dear; well, well! Tell me wot’s took place. Don’t keep me in
+suspense.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>I shan’t tell you anything, mother, till I’ve had a sleep.
+I&nbsp;must go through the sheets first. <span class =
+"stagedir">Stamping her foot.</span> Oh, tear the thing; tear it!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>’Ave you consented to make ’im ’appy, poor young gentleman? That’s all I
+want to know, Lil. <span class = "stagedir">Overcoming a hook.</span>
+There!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Thank you, mother. <span class = "stagedir">Slipping her arms out of
+her dress.</span> I&nbsp;can manage the rest.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>But, Lil, dearie&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Oh, for mercy’s sake, leave me alone! <span class =
+"stagedir">Violently.</span> Why can’t you leave me alone!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>Ho! Very good! <span class = "stagedir">Moving away indignantly as
+<span class = "smallcaps">Lily</span>, with shaking fingers, unfastens a
+necklace.</span> <i>This</i> is my reward for layin’ awake ’alf the
+night, is it, an’ for thinkin’ of you, an’ wonderin’ about you!
+<span class = "pagenum">189</span>
+Ungrateful little puss, you! <span class = "stagedir">Going towards the
+door.</span> After this, you can keep your affairs to yourself for as
+long as ever you choose. Don’t you expect <i>me</i>&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Suddenly, sitting upon the settee.</span>
+Mother&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Sharply.</span> Yes?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Her hand to her brow.</span> Oh,
+mother&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Hurrying to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span>.</span> Wot is it?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Swaying.</span> At last&mdash;at
+last&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>At last&mdash;&mdash;?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Clinging to <span class = "smallcaps">Mrs.
+Upjohn</span>.</span> I’m in love, mother&mdash;I’m in love&mdash;in
+love&mdash;in love&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<h4 class = "end">END OF THE THIRD ACT.</h4>
+
+
+<!-- <span class = "pagenum">190</span> -->
+
+
+<span class = "pagenum">191</span>
+<h3 class = "act"><a name = "act4" id = "act4">THE FOURTH ACT</a></h3>
+
+<p class = "scenedesc">
+The scene is the same as in the preceding act, but the light outside is
+brighter and warmer and in the room is more diffused. On the table in
+the centre, placed close to the settee, there is a small tray with a
+breakfast of tea and toast upon it. The bedroom door is partly open.</p>
+
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Lily</span>, wan and red-eyed, is lying,
+propped up by cushions, upon the settee. A&nbsp;newspaper is on her lap
+but she is gazing at vacancy. She is in <em>négligé</em>. A&nbsp;dainty
+morning-robe covers her night-gown, her bare feet are in slippers, and
+her hair is in a simple knot. <span class = "smallcaps">Maud</span> is
+at one of the drawers of the cupboard at the back, engaged in selecting
+some articles of <em>lingerie</em>, and <span class = "smallcaps">Mrs.
+Upjohn</span>, completely dressed for the day, is sitting in the
+arm-chair by the centre table, her face hidden by a newspaper which she
+is reading. Presently <span class = "smallcaps">Maud</span> shuts the
+drawer and, carrying the <em>lingerie</em>, comes forward.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Maud.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span>.</span> What frock’ll you put on?</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">192</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Starting slightly.</span> Eh?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Maud.</p>
+
+<p>One of your embroidered muslins, or your Ninon?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Languidly.</span> Either; <i>I</i> don’t
+care.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Maud.</p>
+
+<p>Oh, gracious, what on earth <i>is</i> the matter with you this
+morning! I’ve never known you as queer as this after any hop you’ve been
+to in <i>my</i> time. <span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Mrs. Upjohn</span>, who has lowered her paper.</span>
+Nothing wrong, is there?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Turning over and burying her head in the
+cushions.</span> Maud.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Maud.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Moving to the settee and bending over <span
+class = "smallcaps">Lily</span>.</span> Here I am, lovey.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">In a muffled voice.</span> Go into the next
+room and shut the door, and don’t let me see your stupid, fat face till
+I come to you.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Maud.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Laughing heartily.</span> Ha, ha, ha! Ho,
+ho, ho! That’s better. <span class = "stagedir">Going to the bedroom
+door.</span> That’s how I like to hear her talk. We needn’t send for Dr.
+Gilson yet awhile. Ha, ha, ha!</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">193</span>
+<p class = "stagedir">
+She disappears into the bedroom and closes the door.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Looking at <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span>.</span> Lil.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Yes, mother?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>’Ave another cup o’ tea, won’t you?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>No.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>’Nother bit o’ toast, then?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>No.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>Smoke a cigarette.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>No.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>You always <i>do</i> ’ave a w’iff after your breakfast. Come!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>No.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Rising and walking away.</span> Oh, dear;
+oh, dear! Deuce take Carlton Smythe an’ ’is supper party&mdash;those are
+<i>my</i> sentiments; <i>an’</i> Lal Roper, busybody
+<span class = "pagenum">194</span>
+that ’e is! Things were goin’ on with us as smooth an’ peaceful as could
+be, before this upset.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Raising herself, angrily.</span> <i>You</i>
+were in it, mother; you’re as much to blame as anybody.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Halting.</span> ’Ow <i>in</i> it?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>In Uncle Lal’s artful plan to prevent Nicko from being invited.
+You’ve confessed you were.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>Lal twisted me round ’is little finger. I&nbsp;was clay in the
+porter’s ’and, as your dad was fond of sayin’.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Changing her position.</span> If only Nicko
+had been there, I&nbsp;shouldn’t have given young Farncombe all those
+dances, nor wandered about with him in the intervals, nor allowed him to
+see me home. It all simply wouldn’t, <i>couldn’t</i> have happened.
+<span class = "stagedir">Hitting a cushion.</span> Oh! <span class =
+"stagedir">Sitting up and embracing her knees.</span>
+Mother&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Behind the settee.</span> Wot?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Knitting her brows.</span> I&mdash;I’m so
+surprised at myself.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">195</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>Surprised?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>So&mdash;so disappointed with myself.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>Why, you ’aven’t done anything that&mdash;that’s not quite
+respectable, Lil. On the cont’ry&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>No, I haven’t done anything that’s actually not nice,
+but&mdash;fancy!&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Close to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span>.</span> Fancy&mdash;&mdash;?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Opening her eyes widely.</span> Fancy my
+letting myself go with young Farncombe as I did! <i>He&mdash;he’d</i>
+been admiring me from a distance for weeks and weeks, but I’d scarcely
+noticed him till last night! <span class = "stagedir">Leaning her head
+against <span class = "smallcaps">Mrs. Upjohn</span>, softly.</span>
+I&mdash;I&nbsp;always thought I was such a cold girl, mother,
+in&mdash;in that way.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>I s’pose it was wot’s called love at first sight, Lil.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Laughing shamefacedly.</span> Ha, ha, ha!
+<span class = "stagedir">Putting her feet to the ground and shielding
+her face with her hands.</span> Oh, don’t talk rot, mother.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">196</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Moving away.</span> Any’ow, it’s not too
+late, Lil&mdash;even now&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Not too late&mdash;&mdash;?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Behind the centre table.</span> To back out,
+dearie. The Captain couldn’t possibly ’old you to a ’asty promise given
+’im between four an’ five in the mornin’.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Oh! Oh, how <i>can</i> you! I’ve passed my word to Nicko and I
+wouldn’t break it for twenty thousand pounds. <span class =
+"stagedir">Looking up.</span> Mother&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Fussing with the things upon the
+table.</span> Yes?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Resolutely.</span> I’m going to pull Nicko
+<i>up</i>, mother. I’ve dragged him down, and I mean to raise him. <span
+class = "stagedir">Clenching her hands.</span> So help me God,
+I&nbsp;do!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>Well, you’ve got a tough job before you, Lil, in my opinion.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Perhaps; but I mean to succeed. <span class = "stagedir">After a
+pause.</span> Besides&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">197</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>Besides&mdash;&mdash;?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Slowly.</span> I’ve told you&mdash;Nicko or
+no Nicko&mdash;I’m determined&mdash;I’m determined not to draw Eddie
+Farncombe into my net.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>Into your <i>net</i>? <span class = "stagedir">Another pause.</span>
+Lil&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Eh?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>That’s twice you’ve made use o’ that remark. ’Oo’s accused
+you&mdash;&mdash;? <span class = "stagedir">There is a lively rat-tat at
+the door on the left.</span> Come in!</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+The door opens and <span class = "smallcaps">Jimmie Birch</span> bounces
+into the room.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">As she closes the door.</span> Ah, Ma! Ah,
+Lillums!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>Good mornin’.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Kissing <span class = "smallcaps">Mrs.
+Upjohn</span>.</span> Ha, ha! We’ve met before, this morning, haven’t
+we! <span class = "stagedir">Coming to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span>.</span> Well, dear old girl, and how are
+<i>you</i> to-day? <span class = "stagedir">Kissing <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span> and then eyeing her keenly.</span>
+A&nbsp;wreck?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Rather.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">198</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p>I <i>ought</i> to be, but I’m not. Directly I laid my pretty head on
+my pillow I went off, and never stirred till I found the breakfast-tray
+on my chest. <span class = "stagedir">Reckoning on her fingers.</span>
+Five to six&mdash;six to seven&mdash;seven to eight&mdash;eight to
+nine&mdash;nine to ten&mdash;ten to eleven. I’ve had six hours; that’s
+not so dusty. <span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span>, slyly.</span> You didn’t sleep very soundly,
+probably?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Not very.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Smiling from ear to ear.</span> Excited?
+<span class = "stagedir"><span class = "smallcaps">Lily</span> shrugs
+her shoulders. There is a silence and then <span class =
+"smallcaps">Jimmie</span>, still beaming, looks round and sees that
+<span class = "smallcaps">Mrs. Upjohn</span> has seated herself upon the
+fauteuil-stool.</span> May I sit down for a minute?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Of course, Jimmie; do.</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Jimmie</span> sits in the arm-chair by the
+centre table, awaiting some communication which doesn’t come. <span
+class = "smallcaps">Mrs. Upjohn</span> drums upon the table with her
+fingers and <span class = "smallcaps">Lily</span> busies herself with
+re-arranging the cushions on the settee.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">After a while.</span> Hope I haven’t dropped
+in too early?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Settling her shoulders into the
+cushions.</span> Not a bit, dear.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">199</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p>It’s nearly half-past twelve. I&mdash;I <i>dashed</i> round. <span
+class = "stagedir">After another pause, unable to restrain herself
+further.</span> Any news? Any-any-anything to tell me?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Abruptly.</span> Yes.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p>W-w-what&mdash;&mdash;?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>Lil’s engaged.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p>Hah! <span class = "stagedir">Triumphantly.</span> Hah, hah! <span
+class = "stagedir">Clapping her hands and beating her feet upon the
+floor.</span> Hah, hah, hah, hah! <span class = "stagedir">Jumping up
+and sitting beside <span class = "smallcaps">Lily</span> and hugging and
+kissing her.</span> Oh! Oh! Oh! Y’m! Y’m! Y’m! Oh, you humbugs! <span
+class = "stagedir">Rising and rushing at <span class = "smallcaps">Mrs.
+Upjohn</span> and embracing her.</span> You solemn humbug, Ma! <span
+class = "stagedir">Leaving <span class = "smallcaps">Mrs. Upjohn</span>
+and singing and dancing to the refrain sung in the previous Act.</span>
+“If you would only, only love me;&mdash;� Ha, ha, ha! “If you would
+merely, merely say,&mdash;&mdash;� <span class = "stagedir">Her voice
+gradually dying away as she sees that the expression on <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily’s</span> face, and upon <span class = "smallcaps">Mrs.
+Upjohn’s</span>, doesn’t alter.</span> “Wait but a little&mdash; <span
+class = "stagedir">standing still</span> little&mdash;for
+me&mdash;&mdash;�</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Caustically.</span> Yes, you <i>’ad</i>
+better wait a little; you’d better wait till you ’ear <i>’oo</i> she’s
+engaged <i>to</i>.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p>Who&mdash;to!</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">200</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Studying her nails.</span> <i>Whom</i> to,
+mother.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p>Why, isn’t it&mdash;&mdash;?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>No, it ain’t. It’s the Captain.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p>T-t-the Cap&mdash;! <span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span>.</span> N-n-nicko? <span class =
+"stagedir"><span class = "smallcaps">Lily</span> nods. <span class =
+"smallcaps">Jimmie</span> draws a deep breath.</span> Oh-h-h-h!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Calmly.</span> Nicko turned up here early
+this morning&mdash;while Eddie&mdash;while Lord Farncombe was with me,
+in fact&mdash;and I&mdash;we&mdash;the three of us&mdash;we talked
+matters over, and&mdash;and&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Her eyes starting out of her head.</span>
+Was there a row?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Oh, don’t be so curious, Jimmie. Poor Nicko has been after me for six
+years. A&nbsp;girl must play the game, if she’s at all decent and wishes
+to preserve a shred of self-respect.</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+Again there is a pause and then <span class = "smallcaps">Jimmie</span>
+silently resumes her seat in the arm-chair.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">201</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Moistening her lips with her tongue&mdash;to
+<span class = "smallcaps">Jimmie</span>.</span> ’Ow do you feel about
+it?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Thoughtfully.</span> How do I feel about it?
+<span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span>.</span> May I say?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Coldly.</span> Certainly.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Rubbing the arm of her chair with the palm
+of her hand.</span> Well, if I were on board a ship at this moment,
+I&nbsp;should be ringing for the stewardess; that’s how I feel about
+it.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Throwing herself, face downward, at full
+length upon the settee.</span> Oh! Oh, you’re just like the rest of our
+girls on the question of marriage! You&mdash;you&mdash;you’re
+detestable!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Sliding out of her chair and kneeling at the
+settee and putting an arm round <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span>.</span> Oh, Lil&mdash;Lil&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Repulsing her.</span> Yes, you are! <span
+class = "stagedir">Raising herself upon her elbow.</span> You’d rejoice
+to see me draw this boy into my net, wouldn’t you! You know you would.
+<span class = "stagedir"><span class = "smallcaps">Mrs. Upjohn</span>
+rises and comes forward.</span> I&nbsp;dare say you jolly well wouldn’t
+object to catching him yourself if you’d half a chance! <span class =
+"stagedir">Fiercely.</span> You try it; you try it&mdash;you, or any of
+you!</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">202</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Attempting to rise, scandalised.</span>
+Oh&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Holding her.</span> No, no&mdash;&mdash;!
+Jimmie&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>Lil, I’m perfec’ly ashamed of you, speakin’ to Jimmie Birch in that
+manner.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Dropping her head on <span class =
+"smallcaps">Jimmie’s</span> shoulder.</span> Oh&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p>She doesn’t mean it.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>I ’ope not. It ain’t exac’ly pleasant to ’ave a dog in the manger for
+a daughter. <span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span>.</span> Why <i>shouldn’t</i> young Farncombe
+turn ’is attention to Miss Birch, pray, or to any young lady who doesn’t
+object to take your leavin’s!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Mrs.
+Upjohn</span>.</span> H’sh, h’sh, h’sh!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Walking about.</span> No, I won’t ’ush!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Lily</span>,
+quietly.</span> I’ll come back in the afternoon.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">203</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>Lil seems to ’ave got some maggot or other in ’er brain about drawin’
+Lord Farncombe into ’er <i>net</i>. Net indeed! <span class =
+"stagedir"><span class = "smallcaps">Jimmie</span>, not heeding <span
+class = "smallcaps">Mrs. Upjohn</span>, arranges <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span> comfortably upon the settee and then rises and
+smoothes out her skirt preparatory to departure.</span> As Lal Roper was
+sayin’ yesterday, our tiptop, aristocratic English fam’lies ought to be
+’xtremely grateful that strong, ’ealthy perfeshunals o’ the class of
+Miss ’Arker an’ Miss Trevail an’ Miss Shafto are enterin’ their ranks.
+An’ if Lil chooses to be pig-’eaded enough&mdash;&mdash;! <span class =
+"stagedir"><span class = "smallcaps">Jimmie</span> makes a movement
+towards <span class = "smallcaps">Mrs. Upjohn</span>.</span> ’Ave a
+bottle o’ ginger beer before you go. <span class = "stagedir">There is a
+prolonged, playful knocking at the door on the left followed, on the
+part of those in the room, by a gloomy pause.</span> That <i>is</i>
+Lal.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Groaning.</span> Oh-h-h-h!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Drawing a long face.</span> H’m!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Jimmie</span>.</span> Oh,
+Jimmie&mdash;stay&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+The knocking is repeated. <span class = "smallcaps">Jimmie</span>
+retreats to the right as <span class = "smallcaps">Mrs. Upjohn</span>
+goes to the door and opens it. <span class = "smallcaps">Roper</span> is
+outside.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Entering, in high spirits.</span> Hullo,
+hullo, hullo, hul-lo! <span class = "stagedir">Embracing <span class =
+"smallcaps">Mrs. Upjohn</span>.</span> Morning, Ma!
+<span class = "pagenum">204</span>
+<span class = "stagedir">Advancing.</span> Any <i>more</i> bids for the
+handsome gilt candelabra with the crystal drops? Ha, ha, ha! <span class
+= "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Jimmie</span>.</span> Morning,
+Jimmie! <span class = "stagedir">Looking down, upon <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span>, eagerly.</span> Well, Lil! Well, my pet!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">In a weary tone, giving him the tips of her
+fingers and then turning upon her side with her face to the back of the
+settee.</span> How are you, Uncle Lal?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Chilled.</span> Oh, I&mdash;thank you,
+Lil&mdash; <span class = "stagedir">After a short pause, to <span class
+= "smallcaps">Mrs. Upjohn</span>&mdash;glancing at <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span>.</span> Not up to much to-day?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Glumly.</span> No great shakes.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>Dancing too hard, I ’spect.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>A deal too ’ard.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">After another pause.</span> Anything else
+amiss, Ma?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Sitting upon the box-ottoman&mdash;to <span
+class = "smallcaps">Jimmie</span>, who is at the piano examining some of
+the music.</span> <i>You</i> tell Lal, Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>T-t-tell&mdash;? <span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Jimmie</span>, who comes to the
+settee&mdash;apprehensively.</span> Jimmie&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">205</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Behind the settee, gravely.</span> No, the
+old Pandora isn’t going to score <i>this</i> time, Lal.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>Isn’t going to&mdash;? I d-d-don’t follow you.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>Be plain, Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Endeavouring to relieve the
+situation.</span> Ha, ha! Nature’s taken precious good care of that, in
+my case.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Angrily.</span> Now, look here, Jimmie!
+A&nbsp;jest is a capital thing in its way. No man has a keener sense of
+humour than Lal Roper. But there <i>are</i> occasions when it’s out o’
+place, and this is one of ’em, my dear; and if it’s not putting you to
+serious inconvenience&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Also losing her temper.</span> Oh, well,
+then, have it in the neck! Lil’s declined young Farncombe. There! And
+when <i>you</i> crack a joke next, Mr. Roper, I&nbsp;beg you’ll contrive
+to favour us with a little variety; <span class = "stagedir">flouncing
+away</span> because you bore me pallid with your rotten wheezes, and
+always have done.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Going to <span class = "smallcaps">Mrs.
+Upjohn</span>, aghast at the tidings.</span> Ma&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">206</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Roper</span>,
+under her breath.</span> Won’t draw ’im into ’er net, Uncle.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>Won’t draw him into her&mdash;&mdash;?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">At the back.</span> K-n-e-double
+t&mdash;net!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Pacifically.</span>
+Jimmie&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Mimicking <span class =
+"smallcaps">Roper</span> derisively.</span> Hullo, hullo, hullo, hul-lo!
+Fresh fish from the sea! Buy ’em on the beach; buy ’em on the beach; buy
+’em on the beach!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Jimmie</span>,
+indignantly.</span> Jimmie Birch&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Sitting upon the fauteuil-stool.</span> Ha,
+ha!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Mrs.
+Upjohn</span>, wiping his brow.</span> Of course, there is <i>this</i>
+to be said, Ma. <span class = "stagedir">Rallying at the idea.</span> It
+may be wise of dear Lil to decline Farncombe <i>at first</i>.
+It&mdash;it&mdash;it&mdash;it doesn’t do for a girl, does it, to appear
+to throw herself at <i>any</i> man, let alone a young fellow of the
+position&mdash;the&mdash;the&mdash;the social status&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">207</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Suddenly sitting up and putting her feet to
+the floor again.</span> Oh, for mercy’s sake, cease discussing my
+affairs in my presence! <span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Mrs. Upjohn</span>.</span> Mother, why do you keep Uncle Lal
+in the dark? <span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Jimmie</span>.</span> Jimmie, why don’t
+<i>you</i>&mdash;&mdash;?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>In the dark!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>Yes, Lal; your flyin’ out at Jimmie over ’er ’armless joke stopped
+’er finishin’.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>Finishing&mdash;&mdash;?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>Lil’s not on’y refused young Farncombe but she’s gone an’ plighted
+’erself to another individual.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>Plighted herself&mdash;&mdash;?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Passionately.</span> To one of the best! To
+one of the best!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Stupefied.</span> Do I&mdash;do I know
+him?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p>Ha!</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">208</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Know him! You know him sufficiently to have plotted and schemed to
+prevent his being asked to the party last night.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span>.</span> Did Lal do that?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><i>Did</i> he!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p>Impudence!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Sitting in the arm-chair by the centre
+table&mdash;quietly.</span> Jeyes!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p>Nicko.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Firmly.</span> Nicko.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>But the Captain <i>was</i> at the party last night
+notwithstandin’.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Mrs.
+Upjohn</span>.</span> Nonsense, Ma!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Yes, Nicko managed to get into the theatre somehow or other.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span>.</span> And watched you and young
+Farncombe&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">209</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>And stationed himself under the portico of Twenty seven, to see who
+brought me home.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p>Oh&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>’E’s always been frightfully jealous, the Captain ’as.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Looking at <span class =
+"smallcaps">Roper</span>.</span> Oh, so <i>really</i> it’s entirely
+owing to Lal Roper’s interference that matters were brought to a head
+this morning!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Her eyes flashing.</span> Entirely.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Joining in the attack upon <span class =
+"smallcaps">Roper</span>.</span> Yes, if Lal ’ad been content to mind
+’is own business&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p>And hadn’t meddled&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><i>An’</i> muddled&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p>Things might have gone on much the same as before.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>An’ might ’ave ended different.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">210</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Rising and walking away to the right.</span>
+Ah, no, mother&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Rising and joining <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span>.</span> Certainly they might.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Rising.</span> Any’ow I ’ope it’ll be a
+lesson to Lal&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><i>Do</i> you, Ma!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Moving over to the girls.</span> Not to put
+’is fingers into other people’s pies.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Mrs.
+Upjohn</span>, with a withering glance at <span class =
+"smallcaps">Roper</span>.</span> Oh, you <i>are</i> sanguine!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Rising and straightening himself out.</span>
+Ma&mdash;Mrs. Upjohn&mdash;Lily&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Scornfully.</span> Hullo, hullo, hullo,
+hul-lo&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Jimmie</span>.</span> P’sh! <span class =
+"stagedir">Impressively.</span> Ma&mdash;Lily&mdash;for
+years&mdash;longer than it’s agreeable to count&mdash;I’ve been a patron
+of the drama&mdash;particularly musical comedy, of which I’ve studied
+the development with especial interest.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">211</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Resting her elbows upon the back of the
+settee.</span> Yes, you’ve studied a lot of development, Lal, in your
+day.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Ignoring <span class =
+"smallcaps">Jimmie</span>.</span> It’s been a fad with me; I&nbsp;put it
+no higher than that. <span class = "stagedir">Producing his
+gloves.</span> But I’ve devoted time to it&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p>Any amount.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Drawing a glove on.</span> Often to the
+neglect of my ventures in the City. Here I am <i>now</i>, for
+instance.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p>That’s obvious.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>And&mdash;I frankly admit it&mdash;I’ve had more than one serious
+dispute with <i>Mrs.</i> Roper on the subject. <span class =
+"stagedir"><span class = "smallcaps">Jimmie</span> softly whistles a few
+bars of “Rule, Britannia.�</span> Yesterday, by a coincidence&mdash;
+<span class = "stagedir">feeling the outside of his breast-pocket</span>
+letter from the wife&mdash;full o’ complaints&mdash;haven’t been to
+Bexhill, to her and the kids, for weeks. And to do Ellen Roper justice,
+she’s not the woman to grumble without cause. <span class =
+"stagedir">Picking up his hat and cane which he has placed upon the
+centre table.</span> Dash it all, home ties <i>are</i> home ties! <span
+class = "stagedir">Polishing his hat with his sleeve.</span> And, taking
+one consideration with another&mdash;and after this&mdash;this
+occurrence&mdash;it’s my intention for the future&mdash;my firm
+intention&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">212</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Running to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Roper</span> and throwing her arms around his neck.</span>
+Oh, Uncle Lal, not altogether! We’re tired and cross this morning! Not
+altogether!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Behind the centre table.</span> No, no,
+Uncle, you mustn’t&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Roper</span>.</span> Forgive us! <span class =
+"stagedir">Coaxingly.</span> Mother and Jimmie are
+cats&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn and Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p>Oh&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+The door on the left opens, and <span class = "smallcaps">Gladys</span>
+enters with a card on a salver.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Gladys.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Advancing to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span>.</span> Are you <i>in</i>?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>In?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Gladys.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Surveying <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span> with mingled disdain and pity.</span> Oh you
+<i>do</i> look washed out!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Going to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Gladys</span>.</span> Never you mind whether I look washed
+out or not. Who is it?</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Lily</span> takes the card, reads some writing
+upon it, and stands twiddling the card in her fingers.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">213</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Gladys.</p>
+
+<p>They’re in the dining-room.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Gladys</span>,
+after a pause.</span> W-wait outside&mdash;on the landing.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Gladys.</p>
+
+<p>Oh, all right. <i>This</i> won’t get my silver cleaned.</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Gladys</span> withdraws. <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span> waits for the door to close and then walks about
+distractedly.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Oh, why can’t they leave me alone! What do they want with me now,
+both of them!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Moving towards <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span>.</span> ’Oo&mdash;&mdash;?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Nicko’s downstairs&mdash;with Lord Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>Lord Farncombe&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>And Jeyes!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Reading the card again.</span> Nicko asks me
+to see him and the boy together. <span class = "stagedir"><span class =
+"smallcaps">Roper</span> and <span class = "smallcaps">Mrs.
+Upjohn</span> go to <span class = "smallcaps">Lily</span>, one on each
+side of her, and try to read the
+<span class = "pagenum">214</span>
+card. She pushes them from her and sits in the arm-chair by the centre
+table.</span> I&nbsp;won’t; I&nbsp;won’t.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Joining <span class = "smallcaps">Mrs.
+Upjohn</span> and <span class = "smallcaps">Roper</span>.</span> Yes,
+yes, Lil; do.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Bewildered.</span> Wot&mdash;&mdash;?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p>Perhaps they’ve arrived at a friendly
+understanding&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>Understanding?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Excitedly.</span> And have come to propose
+that Lil should choose between them!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>Great Scot&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>I <i>have</i> chosen; I <i>have</i> chosen. It’s settled.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><i>Undoubtedly</i> she ought to see them.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>It’s a shame to persecute me so&mdash;a shame!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie, Mrs. Upjohn, and Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Behind <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily’s</span> chair.</span> Lil! Lily&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">215</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>Give ’em a minute, dear.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>Hear what they’ve got to <i>say</i>.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p>It <i>would</i> be uncivil <i>not</i> to.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Oh&mdash;! Oh&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<table class = "dialogue" summary = "three simultaneous lines">
+<tr>
+<td width = "50%">
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p>Buck up, Lil!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p>My pet!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>’Ark to reason, dearie.</p>
+
+</td>
+<td class = "bracket tall">
+<p class = "stagedir">
+To <span class = "smallcaps">Lily</span>, urgently.</p>
+</td>
+</tr>
+</table>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie, Mrs. Upjohn, and Roper.</p>
+
+<p>Lil! Lily&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Yielding helplessly.</span> Oh, very
+well&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie, Mrs. Upjohn, and Roper.</p>
+
+<p>Ah&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Tell Gladys&mdash;when I ring&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">216</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Flying to the door on the left.</span> I’ll
+tell her.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Mrs.
+Upjohn</span>, importantly.</span> Lucky I was on the spot; lucky I was
+on the spot.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">On the landing, to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Gladys</span>.</span> Bring the gentlemen up when Miss Lily
+rings.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Rising and pacing the room on the
+right.</span> Give me some stockings!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Hurrying into the bedroom.</span> Yes,
+dearie. <span class = "stagedir">As she disappears.</span>
+Maud&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Returning and closing the door and then
+whispering to <span class = "smallcaps">Roper</span>.</span> Bet my
+boots that’s it!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Jimmie</span>,
+in a whisper.</span> Choose between ’em!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p>What else can it be?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><i>I</i> can’t&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Throwing herself into <span class =
+"smallcaps">Roper’s</span> arms.</span> Oh, if it <i>is</i>!</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">217</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Hugging her.</span> Oh&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Suddenly, releasing herself.</span>
+Oh&mdash;&mdash;! <span class = "stagedir">Haughtily.</span> Thought you
+were Lily.</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Mrs. Upjohn</span> returns, carrying a pair of
+stockings. <span class = "smallcaps">Lily</span> seats herself upon the
+fauteuil-stool where, concealed by the centre table, she draws on the
+stockings with <span class = "smallcaps">Mrs. Upjohn’s</span>
+assistance.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Whimpering.</span> Oh&mdash;!
+Oh&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>Don’t, dearie; don’t. Mother’s <i>’ere</i>.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Impatiently.</span> I&mdash;ah&mdash;I think
+I’ll run downstairs and shake hands with Jeyes and Farncombe while
+Lily’s tidying herself.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Who has moved over to the right&mdash;to
+<span class = "smallcaps">Roper</span>.</span> Be careful. I&nbsp;should
+advise you not to risk it.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">At the door.</span> Risk it?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p>If Nicko knows you were the cause of his being
+<span class = "pagenum">218</span>
+shut out of the party last night, he’ll simply throttle you.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Roper.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Opening the door.</span> Throttle <i>me</i>!
+<span class = "stagedir">Formidably.</span> Throttle Lal
+Roper&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+He disappears, closing the door, as <span class =
+"smallcaps">Maud</span> enters from the bedroom with a pair of
+shoes.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Weakly.</span> Oh! Oh! Oh! Get me something
+to keep these up with.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Maud</span>.</span> Ribbon&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Snatching the shoes from <span class =
+"smallcaps">Maud</span>.</span> Ribbon.</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Maud</span> opens one of the drawers
+underneath the further cupboard on the left and finds a roll of bright,
+new ribbon, while <span class = "smallcaps">Jimmie</span>, searching
+among the objects on the centre table, discovers the case of manicure
+instruments and takes from it a pair of scissors.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Putting on her shoes&mdash;to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Mrs. Upjohn</span>.</span> No, no; that’s the left
+foot&mdash;oh&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>Don’t agitate yourself, dearie. Mother’s <i>’ere</i>.</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Maud</span> comes to the centre table with the
+ribbon and <span class = "smallcaps">Jimmie</span> cuts off two lengths
+from the roll.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">219</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Maud.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Jimmie</span>.</span> Morning, Miss Jimmie!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Maud</span>.</span> Morning!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Mrs.
+Upjohn</span>.</span> Where’s the mirror? Where’s the mirror?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Taking the mirror from the table and giving
+it to <span class = "smallcaps">Lily</span>.</span> ’Ere it is, dearie;
+’ere it is. An’ <i>I’m</i> ’ere too.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Viewing herself in the mirror and running
+her hand over her hair.</span> Oh, how horrid I look! <span class =
+"stagedir"><span class = "smallcaps">Jimmie</span> goes to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span> with the two lengths of ribbon and <span class =
+"smallcaps">Maud</span> replaces the roll in the drawer.</span> Ring the
+bell. <span class = "stagedir"><span class = "smallcaps">Jimmie</span>
+hands <span class = "smallcaps">Lily</span> the garters, relieving her
+of the mirror, and <span class = "smallcaps">Mrs. Upjohn</span> hastens
+to the fireplace and presses the bell-push continuously.</span> That’ll
+do, Maud; <i>you</i> hook it.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Maud.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Going to the bedroom door.</span> Ha, ha,
+ha! Ho, ho, ho! That’s how I like to hear her talk. Ha, ha, ha, ha!</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Maud</span> vanishes into the bedroom, closing
+the door, and <span class = "smallcaps">Lily</span>, having tied up her
+stockings, rises and comes to the settee.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">220</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Still pressing the bell-push.</span>
+<i>Now</i> I don’t believe I’ve rung.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">At the uttermost tension.</span> Ah, stop
+it, mother; stop it! <span class = "stagedir">Sitting on the
+settee.</span> We’re not calling the fire-brigade.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">At the back of the settee, to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span>.</span> I’ll wait in your bedroom till the men
+have been shown up, and sneak out that way. <span class =
+"stagedir">Bending over <span class = "smallcaps">Lily</span>.</span>
+Mind! If Nicko <i>is</i> willing, after all, that you should make your
+choice&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Advancing.</span> Yes, dearie, if ’e
+<i>is</i> willing&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Frantically.</span> I tell you I <i>have</i>
+made it. I&nbsp;keep on telling you <i>I’ve chosen&mdash;I’ve
+chosen&mdash;I’ve chosen!</i> <span class = "stagedir">Clenching her
+hands.</span> If you torment me any more, either of
+you&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Mrs. Upjohn</span> and <span class =
+"smallcaps">Jimmie</span> retreat precipitately to the bedroom door.
+They open the door and then, standing in the doorway, listen
+intently.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jimmie.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Disappearing.</span> Ah&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Partially disappearing.</span> Ah&mdash;!
+<span class = "stagedir">Only her head
+<span class = "pagenum">221</span>
+visible, speaking to <span class = "smallcaps">Lily</span> in a hoarse
+whisper.</span> Mother’s <i>’ere</i>, dearie.</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+The head is withdrawn and the door softly closed. After a pause, <span
+class = "smallcaps">Gladys</span> enters at the other door followed by
+<span class = "smallcaps">Jeyes</span> and <span class =
+"smallcaps">Farncombe</span>. The men are carrying their hats and canes.
+<span class = "smallcaps">Gladys</span> retires, closing the door, and
+<span class = "smallcaps">Jeyes</span> comes to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span> and shakes hands with her.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Lily</span>,
+gently.</span> How are you to-day, Lil? Very fagged?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Almost inaudibly.</span> I <i>am</i> a
+little. <span class = "stagedir"><span class = "smallcaps">Jeyes</span>
+turns from her, to lay his hat and cane upon the box-ottoman, and then
+<span class = "smallcaps">Farncombe</span>, who has hung back, advances
+hesitatingly to the further side of the centre table and bows to <span
+class = "smallcaps">Lily</span>. She rises and, avoiding his eyes, gives
+him a limp hand across the table.</span> How d’ye do? <span class =
+"stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Jeyes</span> who, having got rid
+of his hat and cane, moves away from the ottoman.</span> Sit down, won’t
+you? <span class = "stagedir">She resumes her seat upon the settee and
+<span class = "smallcaps">Jeyes</span>, with a nod, sits in the
+arm-chair by the centre table. <span class =
+"smallcaps">Farncombe</span> remains standing and again she addresses
+him without meeting his eyes.</span> And you?</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Farncombe</span>, with another bow, sits upon
+the fauteuil-stool. There is a brief silence and then <span class =
+"smallcaps">Jeyes</span> speaks.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>Lil&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">222</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Y-yes?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>In the first place, Farncombe wants you distinctly to understand how
+it is he’s committing this breach of his compact with you. <span class =
+"stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Farncombe</span>.</span> You
+promised&mdash;&mdash;?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>I promised never to attempt to come near Miss Parradell again, nor
+even to enter the theatre.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span>.</span> And if I’m any judge of a man, Lily,
+Farncombe would have kept his promise. He’d have kept it faithfully, but
+for <i>me</i>. I’ve brought him along&mdash;insisted on it. <span class
+= "stagedir">Emphatically.</span> <i>I’ve brought him along.</i>
+See?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>W-w-why, Nicko?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>I’ll tell you, my dear. You remember, when we left you early this
+morning, ordering us to walk away together and to part good friends?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>P-perfectly.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>Well, we did walk away together, and we did part good friends. But we
+didn’t part at all till some hours later, in his rooms. We didn’t part
+till I’d made
+<span class = "pagenum">223</span>
+him stand by me and listen to me while I had a long jaw with my brother
+on the ’phone.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Wonderingly.</span>
+With&mdash;your&mdash;&mdash;?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>About that Rhodesian business.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>What Rhodesian business?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>I mentioned it to you yesterday. Bob owns a third, with Peter
+Chalmers and Tom Dalby, of a group of farms near Bulawayo, and he’s been
+badgering me eternally to cut this and to settle out there as their
+agent. <span class = "stagedir">Simply.</span> And I’ve accepted, old
+girl.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">With a blank face.</span> Ac-cepted?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Grimly.</span> Leaving you to bring an
+action against me, to recover damages for a broken heart. <span class =
+"stagedir">Drawing a deep breath.</span> Yes, I’m chucking you, Lil.
+I&nbsp;give you formal notice of my intention; and you can drive down to
+your solicitors this afternoon and instruct them to writ me without
+delay. <span class = "stagedir">Forcing a laugh.</span> Ha, ha, ha!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Faintly.</span> Nicko&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">224</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>Unless&mdash;unless you’ve an idea of consoling yourself shortly
+with&mdash;with another chap, and prefer not to carry the matter into
+Court.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">About to rise.</span>
+Nicko&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Restraining her by a gesture.</span> H’sh!
+No, no, no. <span class = "stagedir">She sinks back.</span> Ah,
+Lil&mdash;Lil&mdash;I&nbsp;know you’re full of generous, honest
+impulses, though I <i>did</i> tear you to rags in Farncombe’s hearing a
+few hours ago. But I’m not going to allow you to sacrifice yourself to
+them; I&mdash;I&mdash;I’ve come to my senses, and I’m not going to
+permit it. <span class = "stagedir">Bending forward.</span> Oh, my dear,
+why should I make you pay for the weaknesses of my character? Because
+that’s what it ’ud amount to. I’ve bullied you for having played
+skittles with my life, my career. So you <i>have</i>! Damn it, so you
+have! But you’ve done it out of blind thoughtlessness; and if I’d been a
+fairly strong man, with some ballast in me, you <i>couldn’t</i> have
+landed me where I am&mdash;not you nor fifty Pandora girls! <span class
+= "stagedir">Sitting erect.</span> And that&mdash;that’s the moral of
+the tale; and&mdash;and&mdash; <span class = "stagedir">abruptly, to
+<span class = "smallcaps">Farncombe</span></span> There’s nothing more,
+is there, Farncombe?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Brokenly.</span> Except that&mdash;that I’d
+like to repeat&mdash;what I’ve already said to Jeyes&mdash;that I&mdash;
+<span class = "stagedir">his elbows on the table, his head bowed</span>
+oh, you make me feel terribly small, Jeyes.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">225</span>
+<p class = "stagedir">
+Again there is a pause, and then <span class = "smallcaps">Lily</span>
+struggles to her feet and holds out her hand to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Jeyes</span> uncertainly, and at once he rises and takes her
+in his arms. <span class = "smallcaps">Farncombe</span> also rises and,
+standing behind the settee, turns his back to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Jeyes</span> and <span class = "smallcaps">Lily</span>.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class = "smallcaps">Jeyes</span>,
+choking.</span> Ah,
+Nicko&mdash;I&nbsp;can’t&mdash;I&nbsp;can’t&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Patting her shoulder.</span>
+Ah&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Why, what&mdash;what would become of my
+resolutions&mdash;&mdash;?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>Resolutions?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>To&mdash;to raise you <i>up</i>, Nicko.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>You <i>are</i> raising me up&mdash;setting me on my legs again.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">In a fright.</span> And&mdash;and drawing
+Eddie into my net!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>Oh, we’ve talked of that too, he and I. He’s given me an account of
+what passed between you here. My dear girl, your conscience may be quite
+clear on that
+<span class = "pagenum">226</span>
+point. Nobody can ever reproach <i>you</i> with trying to draw him into
+your net.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>They <i>would</i>&mdash;they <i>would</i>&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>At all events, the task you have to face now is to prove to the
+world&mdash;<i>his</i> world&mdash;that Miss Parradell is equal to
+playing “lead� on a bigger stage than the stage of the Pandora. <span
+class = "stagedir">Holding her at arms’ length and shaking her
+fondly.</span> And you’ll <i>do</i> it! Ho, ho, ho, ho! <i>You’ll</i> do
+it! Ha, ha, ha&mdash;! <span class = "stagedir">His voice dies away
+miserably and he releases her. Then, pulling himself together, he looks
+at his watch.</span> Well, I’ve got to lunch with Bob at half-past one
+at the Junior Carlton&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Agitatedly.</span> Ah, it’s not nearly that,
+Nicko; it’s not nearly that! Nicko&mdash;! <span class = "stagedir">She
+passes him, moving towards the door on the left as if to intercept him,
+and then turns to him. A&nbsp;strip of ribbon lies upon the spot where
+she has been standing. After gazing at it for a moment, he stoops and
+picks it up.</span> Oh&mdash;! <span class = "stagedir">He folds the
+ribbon carefully and puts it into his pocket.</span> Oh&mdash;! <span
+class = "stagedir">Hitching up her stocking through her robe,
+piteously.</span> Ha, ha!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>Ha, ha, ha&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+They face one another, laughing, and then she sits upon the
+fauteuil-stool and drops her
+<span class = "pagenum">227</span>
+head upon the table and he fetches his hat and cane from the
+box-ottoman.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Weeping.</span>
+Nicko&mdash;Nicko&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Coming to her.</span> Oh, this isn’t
+good-bye, Lil, not by any manner o’ means, my dear. We’ll kill the
+fatted calf several times before I start&mdash;you, I, and the boy.
+Besides, by-and-by, you and he must take a trip and come out to see me.
+“Seringa Vale� is the farm where I shall be quartered, Bob tells me.
+<span class = "stagedir">Looking into space.</span> Jermyn Street to
+Seringa Vale! <span class = "stagedir">Shaking himself.</span> Ph’h,
+there are no great distances in these days! <span class = "stagedir">To
+<span class = "smallcaps">Farncombe</span>, with a change of
+tone.</span> Farncombe&mdash; <span class = "stagedir"><span class =
+"smallcaps">Farncombe</span> comes forward.</span> You dine with me
+to-night, recollect; it’s an engagement.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>Yes.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>Eight o’clock.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>Eight o’clock.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p>Catani’s.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>Catani’s.</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+Without looking at <span class = "smallcaps">Lily</span> again, <span
+class = "smallcaps">Jeyes</span> goes to the door and opens it. <span
+class = "smallcaps">Farncombe</span> follows him and the two men halt in
+the doorway.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">228</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Jeyes.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">To <span class =
+"smallcaps">Farncombe</span>, with a motion of his head towards <span
+class = "smallcaps">Lily</span>.</span> And afterwards&mdash;<i>you</i>
+fetch her from the theatre and take her home. That’s <i>your</i>
+job.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Rising.</span> Oh&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+<span class = "smallcaps">Farncombe</span> goes out on to the landing
+with <span class = "smallcaps">Jeyes</span> and parts from him at the
+top of the stairs. Then <span class = "smallcaps">Farncombe</span>
+slowly returns, closes the door, and finds <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span> sitting upon the settee in a woeful
+attitude.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Coming to <span class =
+"smallcaps">Lily</span> and standing before her, thoughtfully.</span>
+Lily&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Feebly.</span>
+Eh&mdash;eh&mdash;&mdash;?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>I’m afraid there’s one thing finer than winning the woman you love
+and, when you’ve won her, being prepared to go through fire and water
+for her.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>What’s that?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>Having the courage to give her up, as Jeyes has done.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">229</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">With a renewed outburst.</span> Oh, Nicko!
+Poor Nicko! Poor Nicko!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Sitting beside her and taking her hand
+consolingly.</span> By George, he’s a brick, isn’t he!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">After a pause, drying her eyes.</span>
+Eddie&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>Yes?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>If&mdash;if ever we marry&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">His jaw falling.</span>
+<i>If&mdash;&mdash;!</i></p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>W-w-when, then. When we marry, you’ll be obliged to resign your
+commission in the Guards, won’t you?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Snapping his fingers.</span> P’sh! I shan’t
+care a rap about that.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Snatching her hand away.</span> The snobs!
+The snobs! They’d let you marry any bit of trash in your own set; but a
+Pandora girl, though she’s as pure as the Queen of
+England&mdash;&mdash;! Oh, the contemptible snobs!</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">230</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Regaining possession of her hand.</span>
+H’sh! H’sh! It&mdash;it’s the practice&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Blow the practice! A cheerful reflection for <i>me</i>, it’ll be. The
+arrant snobs!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Stroking her hand.</span> Ah! Ah!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>And then&mdash;poor mother! You&mdash;you won’t be very proud of poor
+mother.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>Your mother? <span class = "stagedir">Boyishly.</span> Oh,
+she&mdash;she’s an awfully good sort.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>She hasn’t an H. to her name.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Inadvertently.</span> She <i>oughtn’t</i> to
+have.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Withdrawing her hand again, sharply.</span>
+She calls herself <i>H</i>upjohn, you mean!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Distressed.</span> No, no, no. <span class =
+"stagedir">In a difficulty.</span> Er&mdash;at any rate, h’s don’t lead
+you to heaven, do they?</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">231</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Gloomily.</span> You’re right; mother’s lead
+<i>her</i> to <i>’eaven</i>. <span class = "stagedir">Rising and walking
+away.</span> Well, you’d better go now.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Rising.</span> And
+to-night&mdash;&mdash;?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>No; I’ll come home alone.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>Lily&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Imperatively.</span>
+Please&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>When&mdash;&mdash;?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Moving to the door on the left.</span> Not
+for two or three days. Give me time to shake down over this.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Taking up his hat and cane which he has left
+upon the centre table.</span> Sunday?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Fretfully.</span> No.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p>Monday?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Opening the door.</span> No.</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">232</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Joining her at the door.</span> Tuesday?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Appealingly.</span> I&mdash;I’ll write.
+<span class = "stagedir">Again he takes her hand, she keeping him at a
+distance. He attempts to lessen the distance, but she checks him,
+shaking her head.</span> Not just yet, Eddie. <span class =
+"stagedir">He smiles at her tenderly and, with a bow, departs. From the
+doorway, she watches him disappear; then she shuts the door and wanders
+listlessly to the door of the bedroom. Her hand lingers upon the knob
+for a moment, and then she opens the door a little way and calls.</span>
+Mother! Mother&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+She leaves the door and is returning to the settee when <span class =
+"smallcaps">Mrs. Upjohn</span> enters.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">All agog.</span> Yes, Lil? <span class =
+"stagedir"><span class = "smallcaps">Lily</span> seats herself upon the
+settee without speaking.</span> Yes, dearie; yes? <span class =
+"stagedir">Advancing to the centre table.</span> ’Ave they given you
+your choice?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Dully.</span> No; they’ve given me no
+choice.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Advancing further.</span>
+Wot&mdash;&mdash;?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Nicko’s going out to South Africa, mother.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>South Africa!</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">233</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Well, to Rhodesia.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>Then you’re free, Lil!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>No, I’m not.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>Not!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>Nicko&mdash;Nicko’s handed me over, mother.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>’Anded you over!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>To&mdash;to Lord Farncombe.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Gasping.</span> An’ you an’ the young
+gentleman&mdash;&mdash;!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>I&mdash;I suppose so.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>Oh&mdash;! <span class = "stagedir">Sinking into the arm chair by the
+centre table.</span> Oh, the dear Captain!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Transferring herself from the settee to
+<span class = "smallcaps">Mrs. Upjohn’s</span> lap.</span> Oh! Oh! Oh!
+<span class = "stagedir">Putting her arms round <span class =
+"smallcaps">Mrs. Upjohn’s</span> neck.</span> Oh, poor Nicko!</p>
+
+<span class = "pagenum">234</span>
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p><span class = "stagedir">Soothingly.</span> ’E’ll ’ave ’is reward,
+Lil; ’e’ll ’ave ’is reward ’ereafter.</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>And poor Carlton Smythe! Oh, poor Carlton!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>Poor Carlton&mdash;&mdash;?</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Lily.</p>
+
+<p>He’s losing every one of his best girls, mother. Gwennie
+Harker&mdash;Maidie Trevail&mdash;Eva Shafto&mdash;and now <i>me</i>!
+Oh, poor Carlton!</p>
+
+<p class = "speaker">Mrs. Upjohn.</p>
+
+<p>’Ush, dearie; ’ush! Don’t consider <i>’im</i>! <span class =
+"stagedir">Rocking <span class = "smallcaps">Lily</span> to and fro like
+a baby.</span> Think&mdash;think wot a lot o’ good you’re all doin’ to
+the aristocracy!</p>
+
+<p class = "stagedir">
+The door on the left opens and <span class = "smallcaps">Jimmie</span>
+and <span class = "smallcaps">Roper</span> look in gleefully and then
+tiptoe towards <span class = "smallcaps">Lily</span> and <span class =
+"smallcaps">Mrs. Upjohn</span>.</p>
+
+
+<h4 class = "end">THE END.</h4>
+
+
+<div class = "null">
+
+<p><i>All applications respecting amateur performances of this play must
+be made to Sir Arthur Pinero’s agents, Samuel French, Limited,
+Southampton St., London, W.C.</i></p>
+
+</div>
+
+<div class = "null">
+
+<h6><span class = "smallcaps">Printed by</span><br>
+BALLANTYNE &amp; COMPANY LTD<br>
+AT THE BALLANTYNE PRESS<br>
+<span class = "smallcaps">Tavistock Street Covent Garden<br>
+London</span></h6>
+
+</div>
+
+<p class = "illustration">
+<img src = "images/backlogo.png" width = "68" height = "68"
+alt = "section of back cover showing publisher's logo">
+</p>
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+<pre>
+
+
+
+
+
+End of Project Gutenberg's The 'Mind the Paint' Girl, by Arthur Pinero
+
+*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE 'MIND THE PAINT' GIRL ***
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+</pre>
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+</body>
+</html>
diff --git a/21849-h/files/paintsong.ly b/21849-h/files/paintsong.ly
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..9b0c15d
--- /dev/null
+++ b/21849-h/files/paintsong.ly
@@ -0,0 +1,95 @@
+\version "2.10.25" 
+\include "english.ly"
+
+
+melody = \relative c''
+  {
+  \tempo 4=120  
+  \phrasingSlurUp
+  \slurDown
+  \dynamicUp
+  \once \override Score.MetronomeMark #'transparent = ##t
+  \clef treble 
+  \key ef \major 
+  \time 4/4
+  r2 g4\(\p f8 ef | g4( ef) g4. f8 | f4^> ef\) 
+  c'^\( c8 c | bf4( ^\markup{ \italic cres.} ef,) bf'4. af8 | g2^^\) 
+  c4\( c8\< c | bf4 ef,\! bf'4. af8 | af4 g\)
+  f\(\p c8 c | ef4.^^\) d8\( ^\markup{ \italic cres.}
+      g4.^>\< f8\! ^\markup{ \italic rall.} | ef2\) r2 \bar "||"
+  } 
+
+text = \lyricmode
+  {
+  If you
+  \set ignoreMelismata = ##t
+  would on -- ly,
+  \unset ignoreMelismata
+  on -- ly love me;
+  If you
+  \set ignoreMelismata = ##t
+  would mere -- ly,
+  \unset ignoreMelismata
+  mere -- ly say,
+  Wait but a lit -- tle, lit -- tle for me,
+  I will be yours, be yours some day!
+  } 
+
+upper = \relative c'
+  {
+  \clef treble 
+  \key ef \major 
+  \time 4/4
+  r2 <bf g'>4( <af f'>8 <g ef'>) | <b f' g>4 <c ef> <bf g'>4. <bf f'>8 |
+      <bf d f>4 <bf ef>4
+   <c ef c'>2 | <bf ef bf'>4\( <g ef'>\) << {<bf d>2} \\ {bf'4. af8} >> |
+      <d, f g>2^^
+  << {ef2 | f4} \\ {c'4 c8 c | bf4} >> ef,4 <bf d bf'>4. <d af'>8 |
+      <bf d af'>4^> <bf ef g>
+  <c f>\( c8 c | <bf ef>4.\) <bf d>8\( << {d2} \\ {g4. f8}>> |
+      <bf, ef>2\) r2 \bar "||"
+  }
+
+lower = \relative c
+ {
+  \clef bass 
+  \key ef \major 
+  \time 4/4 
+  r1 | <g g'>4 <c g'> r8 bf( c d) | af'4-> g 
+  <af, ef' af>2 | <g ef' g>4 c <bf f'>2 | <b g'>2
+  << {c2 | d4 ef} \\ {g4 af\< | af g\!} >> bf,8\( c d f\) |
+      f4^> ef <af, f'>2 |
+      << {bf2 bf2} \\ {g'4. f8 bf4^\markup{ \italic {colla voce}} af} >> |
+      <ef g>2 r2 \bar "||"
+  }
+
+\score
+  {
+    <<
+    \new Voice = "mel"
+      { \autoBeamOff 
+      \melody } 
+    \new Lyrics \lyricsto mel \text 
+    \new PianoStaff
+      <<
+      \new Staff = "upper" \upper 
+      \new Staff = "lower" \lower
+      >>
+    >>
+
+  \layout
+    {
+    \context { \RemoveEmptyStaffContext }
+    } 
+  \midi
+    { 
+    \context
+      { 
+      \Score 
+      tempoWholesPerMinute = #(ly:make-moment 120 4) 
+      } 
+    } 
+  } 
+
+
+
diff --git a/21849-h/files/paintsong.midi b/21849-h/files/paintsong.midi
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..e8dd5a8
--- /dev/null
+++ b/21849-h/files/paintsong.midi
diff --git a/21849-h/files/paintsong.pdf b/21849-h/files/paintsong.pdf
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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The 'Mind the Paint' Girl, by Arthur Pinero
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The 'Mind the Paint' Girl
+       A Comedy in Four Acts
+
+Author: Arthur Pinero
+
+Release Date: June 18, 2007 [EBook #21849]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE 'MIND THE PAINT' GIRL ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Louise Hope, Branko Collin and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+
+
+
+  [Transcriber's Note:
+
+  The HTML version of this e-text includes the third-act song
+  ("If you would only, only love me") in three forms: raw lilypond
+  (.ly extension, can be converted to other formats), .pdf (image),
+  and MIDI file. Some sites will allow you to download these files
+  individually; if so, look in the "files" directory associated with
+  the HTML text.
+
+  The published play did not include music for the title song ("Mind
+  the Paint"), sung in Act I.
+
+  Errors are listed at the end of the e-text.]
+
+
+
+
+  THE
+  "MIND THE PAINT"
+  GIRL
+
+
+
+
+_The Plays of Arthur W. Pinero_
+
+  Paper cover, 1s 6d; cloth, 2s 6d each
+
+    THE TIMES
+    THE PROFLIGATE
+    THE CABINET MINISTER
+    THE HOBBY-HORSE
+    LADY BOUNTIFUL
+    THE MAGISTRATE
+    DANDY DICK
+    SWEET LAVENDER
+    THE SCHOOLMISTRESS
+    THE WEAKER SEX
+    THE AMAZONS
+  * THE SECOND MRS. TANQUERAY
+    THE NOTORIOUS MRS. EBBSMITH
+    THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT
+    THE PRINCESS AND THE BUTTERFLY
+    TRELAWNY OF THE "WELLS"
+  + THE GAY LORD QUEX
+    IRIS
+    LETTY
+    A WIFE WITHOUT A SMILE
+    HIS HOUSE IN ORDER
+    THE THUNDERBOLT
+    MID-CHANNEL
+    PRESERVING MR. PANMURE
+    THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL
+
+  * This Play can be had in library form, 4to, cloth,
+    with a portrait, 5s.
+
+  + A Limited Edition of this play on hand-made paper,
+    with a new portrait, 10s net.
+
+
+  THE PINERO BIRTHDAY BOOK
+  Selected and Arranged by MYRA HAMILTON
+  With a Portrait, cloth extra, price 2s 6d.
+
+
+  _London: William Heinemann_
+
+
+
+
+   THE
+
+  "MIND THE PAINT"
+
+             GIRL
+
+
+  _A COMEDY_
+    _In Four Acts_
+      _By ARTHUR PINERO_
+
+
+  London: William Heinemann
+  MCMXIII
+
+
+
+
+  _Copyright 1912_
+  _by Arthur Pinero_
+
+
+
+
+_This play was produced in London, at the Duke of York's Theatre, on
+Saturday, February 17, 1912; in New York, at the New Lyceum Theatre,
+on Monday, September 9, 1912; and in Germany, at the Stadttheater in
+Mainz, on Monday, January 13, 1913_
+
+
+
+
+_The Persons of the Play_
+
+  VISCOUNT FARNCOMBE
+  COLONEL THE HON. ARTHUR STIDULPH
+  BARON VON RETTENMAYER
+  CAPTAIN NICHOLAS JEYES
+  LIONEL ROPER
+  SAM DE CASTRO
+  HERBERT FULKERSON
+  STEWART HENEAGE
+  GERALD GRIMWOOD
+  CARLTON SMYTHE (_Manager of the Pandora Theatre_)
+  DOUGLAS GLYNN, ALBERT PALK, }
+    WILFRID TAVISH, and       } (_Actors at the Pandora_)
+    SIGISMUND SHIRLEY         }
+  VINCENT BLAND (_A Musical Composer, attached to the Pandora_)
+  MORRIS COOLING (_Business Manager at the Pandora_)
+  LUIGI (_Maitre d'hotel at Catani's Restaurant_)
+  WAITERS
+
+  THE HON. MRS. ARTHUR STIDULPH
+    (_Formerly, as Dolly Ensor, of the Pandora Theatre_)
+  LILY PARRADELL     }
+  JIMMIE BIRCH       }
+  GABRIELLE KATO     }
+  ENID MONCRIEFF     }
+  DAPHNE DURE        } (_Of the Pandora_)
+  NITA TREVENNA      }
+  FLO CONNIFY        }
+  SYBIL DERMOTT      }
+  OLGA COOK          }
+  EVANGELINE VENTRIS }
+  MRS. UPJOHN (LILY PARRADELL's _mother_)
+  GLADYS (LILY's _parlourmaid_)
+  MAUD (LILY's _maid_)
+
+_The action of the piece takes place in London-- at LILY PARRADELL'S
+house in Bloomsbury, in the foyer of the Pandora Theatre, and again at
+LILY'S house._
+
+_The curtain will be lowered for a few moments in the course of the
+Second Act._
+
+
+
+
+_The following advertisements are to appear conspicuously in the
+programme._
+
+MIND THE PAINT (the complete song), words by D'Arcy Wingate, music by
+Vincent Bland, as originally sung by Miss LILY PARRADELL at the
+Pandora Theatre in the Musical Play of "THE DUCHESS OF BRIXTON," may
+be obtained from Messrs. Church and Co. (Ltd.), Music Publishers, 181
+New Bond Street.
+
+AFTER THE THEATRE. CATANI'S RESTAURANT, 459 Strand. Best _cuisine_ in
+London. Milanese Band. Private Rooms. Urbano Catani, Sole Proprietor.
+Tel.: 10,337 Gerrard.
+
+
+
+
+  THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL
+
+
+
+
+  THE FIRST ACT
+
+
+_The scene is a drawing-room, prettily but somewhat showily decorated.
+The walls are papered with a design representing large clusters of
+white and purple lilac. The furniture is covered with a chintz of
+similar pattern, and the curtains, carpet, and lamp-shades
+correspond._
+
+_In the wall facing the spectator are two windows, and midway between
+the windows there is the entrance to a conservatory. The conservatory,
+which is seen beyond, is of the kind that is built out over the
+portico of a front-door, and is plentifully stocked with flowers and
+hung with a velarium and green sun-blinds. In the right-hand wall
+there is another window and, nearer the spectator, a console-table
+supporting a high mirror; and in the wall on the left, opposite the
+console-table, there is a double-door opening into the room, the
+further half of which only is used._
+
+_In the entrance to the conservatory, to the right, there is a low,
+oblong tea-table at which are placed three small chairs; and near-by,
+on the left, are a grand-piano and a music-stool. Against the piano
+there is a settee, and on the extreme left, below the door, there is
+an arm-chair with a little round table beside it. At the right-hand
+window in the wall at the back is another settee, and facing this
+window and settee there is a smaller arm-chair._
+
+_Not far from the fire-place there is a writing-table with a
+telephone-instrument upon it. A chair stands at the writing-table,
+its back to the window in the wall on the right; and in front of the
+table, opposing the settee by the piano, there is a third settee. On
+the left of this settee, almost in the middle of the room, is an
+arm-chair; and closer to the settee, on its right, are two more
+arm-chairs. Other articles of furniture-- a cabinet, "occasional"
+chairs, etc., etc.-- occupy spaces against the walls._
+
+_On the piano, on the console-table and cabinet, on the settee at the
+back, on the round table, and upon the floor, stand huge baskets of
+flowers, and other handsome floral devices in various forms, with
+cards attached to them; and lying higgledy-piggledy upon the
+writing-table are a heap of small packages, several little cases
+containing jewellery, and a litter of paper and string. The packages
+and the cases of jewellery are also accompanied by cards or letters._
+
+_A fierce sunlight streams down upon the velarium, and through the
+green blinds, in the conservatory._
+
+[_Note: Throughout, "right" and "left" are the spectators' right and
+left, not the actor's._]
+
+
+  [_LORD FARNCOMBE, his gloves in his hand, is seated in the arm-chair
+  in the middle of the room. He is a simple-mannered, immaculately
+  dressed young man in his early twenties, his bearing and appearance
+  suggesting the soldier. He rises expectantly as GLADYS, a flashy
+  parlourmaid in a uniform, shows in LIONEL ROPER, a middle-aged
+  individual of the type of the second-class City man._
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_To FARNCOMBE._] Hul-lo! I'm in luck! Just the chap I'm hunting for.
+[_Shaking hands with FARNCOMBE._] How d'ye do, Lord Farncombe?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+How are you, Roper?
+
+GLADYS.
+
+[_To ROPER, languidly._] I'll tell Mrs. Upjohn you're here.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Ta. [_GLADYS withdraws._] Phew, it's hot!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Miss Parradell's out.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Taking off his gloves._] She won't be long, I dare say.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+I've brought her a few flowers.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Have you? I've sent her a trifle of jewellery.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Glancing at the writing-table._] She seems to have received a lot of
+jewellery.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Bustling across to the table._] By Jove, doesn't she! Ah, there's my
+brooch!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Modestly._] I didn't consider I'd a right to offer her anything but
+flowers, on so slight an acquaintance.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Exactly; but I'm an old friend, you know. [_Turning to FARNCOMBE._]
+Perhaps, by her next birthday----
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Smiling._] I hope so.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Approaching FARNCOMBE and taking him by the lapel of his coat._]
+What I want to say to you is, doing anything to-night?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+I-- I shall be at the theatre.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Oh, we shall all be at the theatre, to shout Many Happy Returns.
+Later, I mean.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Nothing that I can't get out of.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Good. Look here. Smythe is giving her a bit of supper in the foyer
+after the show, a dance on the stage to follow. About five-and-twenty
+people. 'Ull you come?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+If Mr. Smythe is kind enough to ask me----
+
+ROPER.
+
+He _does_ ask you, through me. He's left all the arrangements to me
+and Morrie Cooling. Carlton never did anything in his life; _I_ egged
+him on to this. I've been sweating at it since eleven o'clock this
+morning. Haven't been near the City; not near it. Well?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_His eyes glowing._] I shall be delighted.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Splendid. Been trying to get on to you all day. I've called twice at
+your club and at St. James's Place.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Sorry you've had so much trouble.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Dropping on to the settee in front of the writing-table and wiping
+his brow._] There'll be the Baron, Sam de Castro, Bertie Fulkerson,
+Stew Heneage, Jerry Grimwood, Dwarf Kennedy, Colonel and Mrs.
+Stidulph-- Dolly Ensor that was-- and ourselves, besides Cooling and
+Vincent Bland and the pick o' the Company. Catani does the food and
+drink. I don't believe I've forgotten a single thing. [_With a change
+of tone, pointing to the arm-chair in the middle of the room._] Sit
+down a minute. [_FARNCOMBE sits and ROPER edges nearer to him._] Are
+you going to wait to see Lily this afternoon?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+I-- I should like to.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Because if Jeyes should happen to drop in while you're here----
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Captain Jeyes?
+
+ROPER.
+
+Nicko Jeyes-- or if you knock up against him to-night at the theatre--
+mum about this.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+About the supper?
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Nodding._] Um. We don't want Nicko Jeyes; we simply don't want him.
+And if he heard that you and some of the boys are coming, he might
+wonder why _he_ isn't included.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+He strikes me as being rather a surly, ill-conditioned person.
+
+ROPER.
+
+A regular loafer.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+He appears to live at Catani's. I never go there without meeting him.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Exactly. Catani's and a top, back bedroom in Jermyn Street, and
+hanging about the Pandora; that's Nicko Jeyes's life.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+_He's_ an old friend of Mrs. Upjohn's and Miss Parradell's too, isn't
+he?
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Evasively._] Known 'em some time. That's _it_; Lily's so faithful to
+her old friends.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Smiling._] _You_ oughtn't to complain of that.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Oh, but I'm a _real_ friend. I've always been a patron of the musical
+drama-- it's my fad; and I've kept an eye on Lily from the moment she
+sprang into prominence-- [_singing_] "Mind the paint! Mind the paint!"
+--looked after her like a father. Uncle Lal she calls me.
+[_Reassuringly._] I'm a married man, you know; [_FARNCOMBE nods_] but
+the wife has plenty to occupy her with the kids and she leaves the
+drama to me. She prefers Bexhill. [_Leaning forward and speaking with
+great earnestness._] Farncombe, what a charming creature!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Innocently._] Mrs. Roper?
+
+ROPER.
+
+No, no, no; Lily. [_Hastily._] Oh, and so's my missus, for that
+matter, when she chooses. But Lily Upjohn----!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_In a low voice._] Beautiful; perfectly beautiful.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Yes, and as good as she's beautiful; you take it from me. [_With a
+wave of the hand._] Well, if you see Jeyes, you won't----?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Not a word.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Rising and walking away to the left._] I've warned the others.
+[_Returning to FARNCOMBE who has also risen._] By-the-bye, if Lily
+should mention the supper in the course of conversation, remember,
+_she's_ not in the conspiracy.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Conspiracy?
+
+ROPER.
+
+To shunt Nicko. We're letting her think there are to be no outsiders.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Becoming slightly puzzled by ROPER'S manner._] Why, would she very
+much like Captain Jeyes to be asked?
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Rather impatiently._] Haven't I told you, once you're a friend of
+Lil's----! [_Looking towards the door._] Is this Ma? [_MRS. UPJOHN
+enters._] Hul-lo, Ma!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_A podgy little, gaily dressed woman of five-and-fifty with a stupid,
+good-humoured face._] 'Ullo, Uncle!
+
+ROPER.
+
+Lord Farncombe----
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Advancing and shaking hands with FARNCOMBE._] Glad to see you 'ere
+again. You _'ave_ been before, 'aven't you?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Last week.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Of course; you came with Mr. Bertie Fulkerson. But somebody or other's
+always poppin' in. [_Pleasantly._] Lil sees too many, _I_ say. It's
+tirin' for 'er. Won't you set?
+
+ROPER.
+
+Lord Farncombe's brought Lily some flowers, Ma. [_To FARNCOMBE._]
+Where are they?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Who, after waiting for MRS. UPJOHN to settle herself upon the settee
+in front of the writing-table, sits in the chair at the end of the
+settee-- pointing to a large basket of flowers._] On the piano.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Barely glancing at the flowers._] 'Ow kind of 'im! Sech a waste o'
+money too! They do go off so quick.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Reading the cards attached to the various floral gifts._] Where _is_
+Lil?
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+She's settin' to a risin' young artist in Fitzroy Street-- Claude
+Morgan. She won't be 'ome till past five. So tirin' for 'er.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Never heard of Morgan.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+No, nor anybody else. That's what I tell 'er. Why waste your time
+givin' settin's to a risin' young artist when the big men 'ud go down
+on their 'ands and knees to do you? But that's Lil all over. She's the
+best-natured girl in the world, and so she gets imposed on all round.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Gallantly._] I prophesy that Mr. Morgan's picture of Miss Parradell
+won't have dried before he's quite famous.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Turning a pair of dull eyes full upon him._] 'Ow do you mean?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Disconcerted._] Er-- I mean--
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+_Why_ won't it 'ave dried?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+I mean he will have become celebrated _before_ it has dried.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+'Is pictures never do dry, you mean?
+
+ROPER.
+
+No, no, Ma!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+'Owever, it doesn't matter. 'E isn't even goin' to put 'er name to it.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Why not?
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+You may well ask. 'E's bent on callin' it "The 'Mind the Paint' Girl."
+
+ROPER.
+
+What's wrong with that? Everybody'll recognise who _that_ is.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Unconvinced._] 'Er name's printed on all 'er photos.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+The first time I had the pleasure of seeing your daughter on the
+stage, Mrs. Upjohn, a man next to me said, "Here comes the 'Mind the
+Paint' girl."
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Cheering up._] Oh, well, p'r'aps young Morgan knows 'is own business
+best. Let's 'ope so, at any rate.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_By the tea-table, beckoning to FARNCOMBE._] Farncombe----
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_To ROPER._] Eh? [_To MRS. UPJOHN, rising._] Excuse me.
+
+  [_FARNCOMBE joins ROPER, whereupon MRS. UPJOHN goes to the
+  writing-table and, seating herself there, examines the jewellery
+  delightedly._
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_To FARNCOMBE, in a whisper._] Do me a favour.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Certainly.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Looking at his watch._] It's only half-past four. Take a turn round
+the Square. I've some business to talk over with the old lady.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Nodding to ROPER and then coming forward and addressing MRS.
+UPJOHN._] I-- er-- I think I'll go for a little walk and come back
+later on, if I may.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Contentedly._] Oh, jest as you like.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Moving towards the door._] In about a quarter-of-an-hour.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+If we don't see you again, I'll tell Lil you've been 'ere.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_At the door._] Oh, but you will; you _will_ see me again.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Well, please yourself and you please your dearest friend, as Lil's dad
+used to say.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Thank you-- thank you very much.
+
+      [_He disappears, closing the door after him._
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_To ROPER, looking up._] I b'lieve you gave that young man the 'int
+to go, Uncle.
+
+ROPER.
+
+I did; told him I wanted to talk business with you.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Business? [_Resuming her inspection of the trinkets._] This is a
+'andsome thing Mr. Grimwood's sent 'er.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_His hands in his trouser-pockets, contemplating MRS. UPJOHN
+desperately._] Upon my soul, Ma, you're a champion!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+_Now_ wot 'ave I done!
+
+ROPER.
+
+Well, you might spread yourself a little over young Farncombe.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Spread myself! Why should I?
+
+ROPER.
+
+Lord Farncombe!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+I treat 'em all alike; so does Lil. 'E's not the first title we've 'ad
+'ere, not by a dozen.
+
+ROPER.
+
+No, but damn it all--! I beg your pardon----
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Beaming._] So you ought-- swearin' like a trooper.
+
+ROPER.
+
+_This_ chap's in love with her.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Oh, they're all in love with 'er; or _'ave_ been, one time or another.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Yes, but they're not all Farncombes and they're not all marrying men.
+I'm prepared to bet my boots that if Lil and young Farncombe could be
+thrown together----! [_Sitting on the settee in front of the
+writing-table as MRS. UPJOHN rises and comes forward._] Here! Do talk
+it over.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Placidly._] Where's the use o' talkin' it over? It's wastin' one's
+breath. [_Moving to the settee by the piano._] My Lil doesn't want to
+marry-- any'ow not yet awhile; she's 'appy and contented as she is.
+[_Sitting and smoothing out her skirt._] When she does, I s'pose it'll
+be the Captain.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Between his teeth._] The Captain! [_Quietly._] Ma, the day Lil
+marries Nicko Jeyes, you and she'll see the last o' _me_.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Oh, don't say that, Uncle.
+
+ROPER.
+
+I do say it. The disappointment 'ud be more than I could stand.
+Selfish, designing beggar!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Now, no low abuse.
+
+ROPER.
+
+A fellow who gets on the soft side of Lil before she's out of her
+teens-- before she's made any position to speak of; and when she _has_
+made a position, and _he's_ practically on his uppers, sticks to her
+like a limpet!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+She sticks to 'im, too. It meant a deal to Lil in 'er 'umble days,
+reck'lect-- receivin' attentions from a gentleman in the army. She
+doesn't forget that.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Jumping up and walking about._] It's cruel; that's what it is-- it's
+cruel. Here's Gwennie Harker and Maidie Trevail both married to peers'
+sons, and Eva Shafto to a baronet-- all of 'em Pandora girls; and
+Lil-- _she's_ left high and dry, engaged to a nobody! It's cruel!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+She's not ackshally engaged.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Ho, ho!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+The ideer was, when 'e shirked goin' to India an' gave up soldierin',
+so as to be near 'er, that 'e should get something to do in London;
+_then_ they were to be engaged.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Sarcastically._] Oh, to be just, I admit he's in no hurry. He's been
+a whole year looking for something to do in London-- looking for it at
+Catani's and at the Pandora bars!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+'E _'as_ to be on the spot at night, to bring Lil 'ome after 'er work.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Exactly! And when a decent, eligible young chap comes along, and means
+business, he's choked off by finding Nicko Jeyes in possession.
+[_Stopping before MRS. UPJOHN._] But, I say!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Wot?
+
+ROPER.
+
+_Farncombe_ hasn't tumbled to it yet.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Indifferently._] 'Asn't 'e?
+
+ROPER.
+
+Bertie Fulkerson's held his tongue about it; so have the other boys
+who're friends of Farncombe's. _They_ see he's hard hit.
+[_Enthusiastically._] Oh, they're good boys; they're good, loyal boys!
+There's not one of them who wouldn't throw up his hat if Nicko got the
+chuck. [_Suddenly._] Ma!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Startled._] Hey?
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Dropping his voice._] This little spree to-night at the theatre--
+Lil thinks it's to be merely among the members of the Company.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Ain't it?
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Sitting beside her._] You keep quiet, now. No, it isn't.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+'Oo----?
+
+ROPER.
+
+The boys-- and Farncombe.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Disturbed._] Gracious! There'll be an awful fuss with the Captain
+to-morrer.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Snapping his fingers._] Pishhh!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Rising and walking away to the right._] 'E's so 'orribly jealous.
+When Lil tells 'im 'oo was at the party, there'll be a frightful
+kick-up!
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Falling into despondency._] Oh, I dare say I'm a fool for my pains,
+Ma. Nothing'll come of it. [_Rising and pacing the room again._]
+Farncombe's as shy as a school-girl; he'd be on a desert island with a
+pretty woman for a month without squeezing her hand.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_In an altered tone._] Uncle.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Hullo!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Thoughtfully._] _I_ shouldn't raise any objection, bear in mind, if
+Lil could be weaned away from the Captain and took a fancy to young
+Farncombe.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Objection!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Sitting on the settee in front of the writing-table._] All said an'
+done, to be Lady F., with no need to work if you're not disposed to,
+is better than bein' Mrs. Captain Jeyes an' 'avin' to linger on the
+stage, p'r'aps, till you drop, to 'elp keep the pot a' boilin'.
+[_Opening her eyes widely._] Lady F.!
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Coming to her._] And Countess of Godalming when his father dies.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+I s'pose there'd be any amount of unpleasantness with the fam'ly?
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Disdainfully._] The family!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+There's generally a rumpus in sech cases.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Why, Ma, these tiptop families ought to feel jolly grateful that we're
+mixing the breed for them a bit. Look at the two lads who've married
+Gwennie Harker and Maidie Trevail-- Kinterton and Glenroy; and
+Fawcus-- Sir George Fawcus-- Eva Shafto's husband; they haven't a chin
+or a forehead between 'em, and their chests are as narrow as a
+ten-inch plank.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Quite true.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Farncombe himself, _he's_ inclined to be weedy. I maintain it's a
+grand thing for our English nobs that their slips of sons have taken
+to marrying young women of the stamp of Maidie Trevail and Gwennie
+Harker-- or Lil; keen-witted young women full of the joy of life, with
+strong frames, beautiful hair and fine eyes, and healthy pink gums and
+big white teeth. Sneer at the Pandora girls! Great Scot, it's my
+belief that the Pandora girls'll be the salvation of the aristocracy
+in this country in the long run!
+
+  [_CAPTAIN NICHOLAS JEYES lounges in. He is a man of about
+  five-and-thirty, already slightly grey-haired, who has gone to seed.
+  ROPER sits in the chair in the middle of the room rather guiltily and
+  MRS. UPJOHN puts on a propitiatory grin._
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Nodding to MRS. UPJOHN and ROPER as he closes the door._] Afternoon,
+Mrs. Upjohn. How'r'you, Roper?
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Ah, Captain!
+
+ROPER.
+
+Hullo, Nicko!
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Advancing._] Lily not in?
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+No; she's in Fitzroy Street, settin' to Morgan.
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Frowning._] Why didn't she ask me to go with her?
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Dun'no, I'm sure. She's took Miss Birch.
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_With a grunt._] Oh? [_Looking round._] Flowers.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+'Eaps of 'em, ain't there?
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Jerking his head towards the writing-table._] Yes, and some nice
+presents over here.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+She's beat 'er record this year, Lil 'as, out an' out.
+
+  [_JEYES goes to the writing-table and ROPER and MRS. UPJOHN rise and
+  wander away, the former to the conservatory, the latter to the settee
+  by the piano._
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Scowling at the presents._] Very nice. [_Picking up a case of
+jewellery._] Ve-ry nice. [_Throwing the case down angrily._] Confound
+'em, what the devil do they take her for!
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_At the entrance to the conservatory._] I may remark that one of
+those gifts is from _me_, Jeyes.
+
+JEYES.
+
+Oh, I'm not alluding to _you_.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Stiffly._] Much obliged.
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Coming forward and addressing MRS. UPJOHN._] I've called in to ask
+Lily whether she'll come out to supper with me to-night, to Catani's,
+to celebrate her birthday. Luigi's decorating a table for me
+specially. Mr. and Mrs. Linthorne'll come, and Jack Wethered. [_To
+ROPER._] Are you free, Roper? [_MRS. UPJOHN sits uneasily on the
+settee by the piano and ROPER finds some object to interest him near
+the tea-table._] I suppose it's no good asking _you_, Mrs. Upjohn?
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+N-n-o, thank you, Captain, and I-- I'm afraid----
+
+JEYES.
+
+Afraid----?
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+I'm afraid Lil can't manage it either.
+
+JEYES.
+
+Why not?
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+I-- I'm surprised she didn't mention it to you 'erself when you
+brought 'er 'ome last night.
+
+JEYES.
+
+Mention what?
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+They're givin' 'er a supper to-night at the theatre.
+
+JEYES.
+
+The theatre?
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Advancing._] Yes, Carlton's standing a little spread in the foyer,
+in honour of the occasion. [_Sitting at the tea-table._] Quite right
+too; she's _his_ best asset, and chance it.
+
+JEYES.
+
+When was it fixed up?
+
+ROPER.
+
+Late last night.
+
+JEYES.
+
+The fact is, Lily and I had a slight tiff coming home last night.
+[_Sitting on the settee in front of the writing-table._] Ha! I suppose
+she kept it from me to pay me out. [_Sharply._] Who's invited?
+
+ROPER.
+
+Er-- only the principal members of the Company, I understand.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Moistening her lips with her tongue._] Yes, only the members of the
+Company, Lil says.
+
+ROPER.
+
+With Morrie Cooling and Vincent Bland thrown in.
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Looking at ROPER._] _You_ seem to know a lot about it, Roper.
+
+ROPER.
+
+I was behind when Morrie was going round to the dressing-rooms.
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_To ROPER, suspiciously._] Are _you_ asked?
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Taken aback._] E--eh?
+
+JEYES.
+
+Are _you_ asked?
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_With an attempt at airiness._] Oh, yes, they've dragged me into it.
+
+JEYES.
+
+Since when have _you_ been a member of the Company?
+
+ROPER.
+
+No, but-- dash it, I've done business for Carlton in the City for
+twenty years or more----!
+
+JEYES.
+
+That doesn't make you one.
+
+ROPER.
+
+And I'm an old friend of Lil's.
+
+JEYES.
+
+Not older than I. [_Violently._] Why the blazes doesn't Smythe invite
+_me_?
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Extending his arms._] My dear Nicko, _I'm_ not giving the party.
+Really, you do jump down a man's throat----!
+
+JEYES.
+
+Sorry, sorry, sorry. [_Leaning back and thrusting his hands into his
+pocket._] Well, I'll put Jack and the Linthornes off. They don't want
+to sup with _me_; I shouldn't amuse 'em. [_Gazing at the carpet._] Her
+birthday, though! It'll be the first time I shall have been out of
+_that_ for-- how many years?-- six years. I---- [_Raising his head, he
+detects MRS. UPJOHN and ROPER eyeing each other uncomfortably._]
+Anything the matter?
+
+ROPER.
+
+T-t-the matter?
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Taking his hands from his pockets and sitting upright._] Any game
+on?
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Game?
+
+JEYES.
+
+At my expense?
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+I dun'no wot you're drivin' at, Captain.
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Harshly._] How long's Lily sitting this afternoon?
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Till five.
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Looking at his watch._] What's Morgan's number in Fitzroy Street?
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Sixty.
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Rising._] I'll fetch her.
+
+  [_As he makes a movement towards the door, it is thrown open and LILY
+  PARRADELL enters with a rush-- an entrancing vision of youth, grace,
+  and beauty. She is followed by JIMMIE BIRCH, a _petite_, bright-eyed
+  girl in an extremely _chic_ costume._
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Tearing off her gloves as she enters._] Wh-e-e-w! I'm dead! [_Giving
+her hand to JEYES carelessly._] Ah, Nicko! [_To MRS. UPJOHN._]
+I couldn't stand the heat in the studio any longer, mother. [_Finding
+ROPER beside her, she offers her cheek to him and he kisses it._] _Mon
+Oncle!_
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Closing the door._] That young man Morgan ought to paint the
+infernal regions.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Taking her scarf from her shoulder._] He might finish with the
+angels first, though. [_To JEYES, softly, as ROPER turns to shake
+hands with JIMMIE._] You in a better temper to-day?
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_In her ear._] You drove me wild last night.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Making a face at him._] Served you right. [_Passing him._] For God's
+sake, let me lie down. [_She throws herself upon the settee in front
+of the writing-table, and JEYES moves away as MRS. UPJOHN and ROPER go
+to her._] Don't come near me. Give me my fan. Jimmie, where's my fan?
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+Oh, I've left it in Fitzroy Street!
+
+LILY.
+
+Beast!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Hurrying to the writing-table._] There's one 'ere, among your
+presents.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Unpinning her hat._] Uncle Lal, what an adorable ring that is you've
+sent me!
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Taking the fan from MRS. UPJOHN._] Ring! A brooch!
+
+LILY.
+
+_Somebody's_ sent me a ring.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Sitting in the chair at the end of the settee by the writing-table._]
+There's three rings.
+
+LILY.
+
+Of course! One of them's from Nicko! [_To JEYES._] Did you get my
+sweet telegram, Nicko?
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Who has greeted JIMMIE and is now seated in the chair on the extreme
+left-- sulkily._] I had your telegram, but it's a _pendant_ I sent
+you.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Sitting upon the settee by the piano and pulling off her gloves._]
+Ha, ha, ha!
+
+LILY.
+
+You shut up, Jimmie. [_Snatching the fan from ROPER._] How on earth am
+I to remember! [_Fanning herself._] Who's given me _this_ pretty
+thing?
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Mr. Monty Levine.
+
+LILY.
+
+Bless him! He's a dear little man, though he does bite his nails.
+[_GLADYS appears with VINCENT BLAND, who saunters in after her. Seeing
+LILY, GLADYS advances to her._] Hallo, Vincent!
+
+BLAND.
+
+[_A thin, delicate looking man of eight-and-thirty, not over smartly
+dressed, wearing an eye-glass-- nodding to LILY casually._] You
+needn't have cut me, almost on your door-step. [_To JIMMIE and
+JEYES._] H'lo, Jimmie! H'lo, Nicko!
+
+GLADYS.
+
+[_Viewing LILY with an elevation of the brows._] Oh, are you home?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Returning GLADYS'S stare._] Apparently.
+
+GLADYS.
+
+I'll whistle up to Maud.
+
+LILY.
+
+Don't, if it's too severe a strain on you.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_To GLADYS, as the girl moves to the door._] Gladys, we'll 'ave tea.
+
+GLADYS.
+
+[_At the door._] You can't till it's ready.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Calmly._] Cheek!
+
+  [_GLADYS retires._
+
+BLAND.
+
+[_Who has strolled across to LILY, indolently._] Why do you retain the
+services of that tousled-headed hussy?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_With conviction._] Oh, she's a little under the weather, but she's a
+perfect servant.
+
+BLAND.
+
+[_To MRS. UPJOHN._] Ma, you look blooming.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Wish I could return the compliment, Mr. Bland.
+
+BLAND.
+
+[_To ROPER, who is wearing a waistcoat of rather a pronounced
+pattern._] Congratulations on your waistcoat, Lal.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Joining JIMMIE, annoyed._] Now, no personalities.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Giving BLAND her hand._] Vincent, yours is one of the loveliest
+presents I've had to-day. _Remerciement!_ How's that for a French
+accent?
+
+BLAND.
+
+[_Dropping his eyeglass._] You cat!
+
+LILY.
+
+Why----?
+
+BLAND.
+
+You know I've given you nothing, not even a penny nosegay.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+Ha, ha, ha!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Raising herself on her elbow._] On my honour--! Vincent dear,
+I swear I thought----!
+
+BLAND.
+
+The funds are too low. [_Replacing his eyeglass._] I did go so far as
+to price a bangle at Sellby's, but that was before a certain event
+yesterday.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+What horses did you back, Vincent? I won a fiver, through Jerry
+Grimwood.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_To BLAND._] You _are_ a patent ass. Why don't you leave betting
+alone?
+
+BLAND.
+
+[_To ROPER, flaring up._] Why don't you leave your City muck alone?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Putting her feet to the floor, imperiously._] That'll do. Be quiet,
+you two! I won't have any wrangling in my house. Run away and play,
+all of you. I want to speak to Vincent for a minute privately. [_With
+a gesture._] Uncle Lal-- Jimmie-- Nicko-- [_To MRS. UPJOHN._] Scoot,
+mother!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Oh, dear, wot a child!
+
+  [_ROPER, JIMMIE, JEYES, and MRS. UPJOHN move away and LILY beckons to
+  BLAND._
+
+LILY.
+
+Vin.
+
+BLAND.
+
+[_Close to her, with a wry face._] Mercy!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_In a low voice._] You've broken your word to me, then? [_Through her
+teeth._] Those damned horses!
+
+BLAND.
+
+Cooling had a tip from the stable----
+
+LILY.
+
+Cooling! Morrie Cooling has no children; only a fat wife. You've a
+darling little wife and three kiddies. How much did you drop
+yesterday?
+
+BLAND.
+
+Shan't say.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Rising and touching his arm._] Oh, Vincent!
+
+  [_She looks round, to assure herself that she is unobserved. MRS.
+  UPJOHN and ROPER are seated at the tea-table with their heads
+  together, talking; JIMMIE is at the piano, fingering out a piece of
+  music; JEYES is half hidden in the arm-chair facing the settee at the
+  back. LILY tiptoes to the writing-table and seats herself there as
+  GLADYS reappears showing in the BARON VON RETTENMAYER._
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_A tall, fair young man of three-and-thirty, speaking in thick,
+guttural tones-- advancing to LILY._] Aha, goddess! [_Gladys
+withdraws._] Many habby returns of the day!
+
+LILY.
+
+H'sh! I'm busy for a moment, Baron.
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_To LILY-- shaking hands with BLAND._] A thousand bardons.
+
+LILY.
+
+Talk to mother and Jimmie.
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+With bleasure. [_Going to MRS. UPJOHN and ROPER and shaking hands with
+them._] How are you, my dear Ma? How are you, Jimmie? [_Waving a hand
+to ROPER and JEYES._] My dear Rober! My dear Neegolas!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_To VON RETTENMAYER, mimicking him._] Rober! Neegolas! Why don't they
+provide you with throat lozenges at the Embassy, Baron?
+
+  [_VON RETTENMAYER laughs. LILY has quickly opened a drawer in the
+  writing-table and produced a cheque-book. After another glance over
+  her shoulder, she sweeps the presents aside and writes. Then she
+  replaces the cheque-book, rises, and returns to BLAND. Again there is
+  a loud guffaw from VON RETTENMAYER in response to some sally of
+  JIMMIE'S._
+
+LILY.
+
+[_To BLAND, folding a cheque and slipping it into his hand._]
+Promise-- promise you won't make another bet.
+
+BLAND.
+
+[_Unfolding the cheque._] Your cheque?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Hastily._] Put it in your pocket.
+
+BLAND.
+
+A blank one.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_In a whisper._] Don't fill it in for more than you can help. _I'm_
+not over flush.
+
+  [_He deliberately tears the cheque into four pieces and, looking at
+  her steadily, puts them into his waistcoat-pocket._
+
+BLAND.
+
+[_As he does so._] I'll keep those, Lil, for as long as I keep
+anything.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Hotly._] You fool, Vincent!
+
+BLAND.
+
+My dear, as if----!
+
+LILY.
+
+Such ridiculous pride! [_Stamping her foot._] Lord, what I owe to you!
+
+  [_GLADYS enters with SAM DE CASTRO. GLADYS is carrying a lace-edged
+  table-cloth which, assisted by MRS. UPJOHN, she proceeds to lay upon
+  the tea-table._
+
+BLAND.
+
+[_Moving away to join the others-- to DE CASTRO._] Ha, Sam!
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+[_A stout, coarse, but genial-looking gentleman of forty, of marked
+Jewish appearance, speaking with a lisp-- shaking hands with LILY._]
+How are you to-day, Lil? Many happy returnth, wunth more.
+
+LILY.
+
+Thanks, dear old boy. [_Sitting on the settee in front of the
+writing-table._] Did I send you a wire this morning?
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+Not you; not a thix-pen'north.
+
+LILY.
+
+I ought to have done so, to acknowledge your-- what was it?
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+A ring-- diamondth and thapphires.
+
+LILY.
+
+Ah, yes; beautiful.
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+It _ith_ rather a nithe ring. [_Lowering his voice._] But I thay.
+
+LILY.
+
+What?
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+Mind you don't go and tell Gabth, on any account.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_With a great assumption of ignorance, raising her eyebrows._] Gabs?
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+Gabrielle-- Mith Kato.
+
+LILY.
+
+Why shouldn't I?
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+Nonsenth; _you_ know very well. [_Urgently._] You won't, will you?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Shrugging her shoulders._] I won't if I remember not to.
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+[_Alarmed._] Ah, now, don't be thtupid! Whath the good o' making
+mithchief! [_LILY shows him the tip of her tongue._] Oh, Lil! [_GLADYS
+goes out._] Lil----!
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Leaving the group at the back and putting an arm round DE CASTRO'S
+shoulder._] My dear friend Zam!
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+How are you, Baron? [_Going to MRS. UPJOHN._] Afthernoon, Ma!
+[_Nodding to JIMMIE and ROPER._] Afthernoon, everybody! [_Shaking
+hands with JEYES, who has risen and now joins the group._] How are
+you, Nicko?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Giving her hand to VON RETTENMAYER._] Excuse me for cutting you
+short when you came in. Thanks for your splendid present. I did send
+you a wire, didn't I?
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Kissing her hand and bowing over it._] I shall breserve it, with a
+few oder souvenirs, till the end of my life.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Withdrawing her hand and blowing the compliment away._] Phew! Lal,
+lal, lal, la!
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_In an altered tone, after a cautious look round._] Goddess.
+
+LILY.
+
+Eh?
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Anxiously._] My drifling liddle offering-- I endreat you not to
+mention it to Enid.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Laughing heartily._] Ha, ha, ha, ha! Another of you!
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+The gharming Miss Mongreiff.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Seriously._] Baron, I wish you boys wouldn't make me presents and
+then ask me to keep them a secret from the other girls.
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+And I-- I wish it were not nezezzary. But, goddess, you are alzo a
+young lady of the world-- you know what women are.
+
+LILY.
+
+H'm! I know what you men are.
+
+  [_MAUD, a buxom young woman with a good-tempered face, dressed as a
+  lady's-maid, enters quickly, tying her apron, and runs to LILY. JEYES
+  comes to the further side of the writing-table and VON RETTENMAYER now
+  joins him there. JIMMIE BIRCH also comes forward, accompanied by DE
+  CASTRO._
+
+MAUD.
+
+[_To LILY._] Here, give me your things. [_LILY tosses her hat, scarf,
+and gloves to MAUD._] I was in my room, having a lie down. Is my hair
+untidy?
+
+LILY.
+
+I've never seen it anything else.
+
+MAUD.
+
+[_Merrily._] Ha, ha, ha! [_To JIMMIE and DE CASTRO._] Afternoon, Miss
+Jimmie. Afternoon, Mr. de Castro. [_To LILY._] Now, don't let them all
+tire you to death, there's a pet.
+
+LILY.
+
+Oh, clear out. [_As MAUD is departing._] Hi! [_Rising and kicking off
+her shoes and sending them in MAUD'S direction._] Fetch me a pair of
+slippers.
+
+MAUD.
+
+[_Picking up the shoes and chuckling._] He, he, he!
+
+  [_When MAUD reaches the door, which she has left open, GLADYS appears
+  with the tea-tray and with FARNCOMBE at her heels._
+
+GLADYS.
+
+[_To MAUD, in a low voice, witheringly._] Oh, you're doing something,
+are you?
+
+MAUD.
+
+[_In the same tone, passing GLADYS._] Yes, setting you an example, my
+girl. [_Encountering FARNCOMBE._] Beg pardon.
+
+  [_MAUD withdraws, closing the door, and FARNCOMBE stands looking at
+  LILY, who is talking to JIMMIE. GLADYS carries the tray to the
+  tea-table._
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Become aware of FARNCOMBE'S presence and nodding to him._] How d'ye
+do?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Moving a step or two towards her._] I-- I've been here before this
+afternoon. I ventured to bring you some flowers.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Going to him and shaking hands with him formally._] Nobody told me.
+Awfully kind of you. Where have they put them?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Lifting his basket of flowers from off the piano and showing it to
+her._] Here.
+
+LILY.
+
+Pretty. [_Pulling out a carnation._] Stick it up there again. [_He
+replaces the basket._] You're Lord Farncombe, aren't you?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Yes.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_With a glance at the others._] Know anybody here?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Looking round the room._] Nearly everybody, I fancy. [_He advances
+to VON RETTENMAYER, who comes to meet him. LILY sits upon the settee
+by the piano and fastens the carnation in her dress. GLADYS goes
+out._] Karl----!
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+My dear Eddie!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Bowing to DE CASTRO, who is now seated beside JIMMIE on the settee
+in front of the writing-table._] How are you, Mr. de Castro? [_To
+JEYES, who is standing by the chair at the writing-table gnawing his
+moustache and watching LILY and FARNCOMBE sourly._] How are you,
+Captain Jeyes? [_Turning to BLAND._] How are you, Mr. Bland? [_To
+LILY._] I've been talking to Mrs. Upjohn and Mr. Roper already.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Looking across to JIMMIE._] Miss Birch-- Lord Farncombe.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Nodding to FARNCOMBE._] How d'ye do?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Going to JIMMIE and shaking hands with her._] I-- I needn't say that
+I am one of Miss Birch's warmest-- most profound----
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Smiling at him._] That's all right; don't you bother about that.
+
+  [_MAUD returns, carrying a pair of silken slippers. VON RETTENMAYER,
+  who has come to LILY, makes a dart at the slippers and takes them from
+  MAUD._
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+Aha! Permid me.
+
+MAUD.
+
+Now, Baron----! [_Slapping his arm._] Ha, ha, ha----!
+
+  [_He pushes MAUD out of the room, she resisting laughingly, and closes
+  the door._
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Holding the slippers aloft._] Gendlemen! Homage to Beaudy! Vollow
+me! Zam! Vinzent! Rober! Neego! Eddie! [_The men put themselves behind
+him, in single file, in the order in which he calls them, with the
+exception of JEYES, who deliberately sits at the writing-table, and
+FARNCOMBE, who is embarrassed. JIMMIE claps her hands and MRS. UPJOHN,
+who is pouring out tea, laughs herself into a fit of coughing._] Ta,
+ta, ra, ra, ta, ta! Boum, boum!
+
+LILY.
+
+Baron, you great baby!
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+Quig! Marge!
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Calling to FARNCOMBE._] Come along, Farncombe!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Giving FARNCOMBE a shove._] Go on!
+
+  [_FARNCOMBE takes his place behind ROPER and, headed by VON
+  RETTENMAYER, the men march round the room._
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Waving the slippers in the air and singing._]
+
+  Weib, was ist in aller Welt
+  Dir an Schoenheit gleichgestellt!
+  Reizumflossen, wunderhold,
+  Perl' der Schoepfung, Herzensgold!
+  Tag's Gedanken, Traum der Nacht,
+  Schweben um Dich, Suesse, sacht.
+
+  [_VON RETTENMAYER halts before LILY and kneels to her. She extends her
+  left foot and he kisses her instep and puts her foot into her slipper.
+  She rewards him by lightly boxing his ears. He makes way for DE
+  CASTRO, handing him the other slipper, and DE CASTRO performs the same
+  ceremony with LILY'S right foot. She upsets DE CASTRO'S balance by a
+  little kick._
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Seating himself beside JIMMIE, singing._]
+
+  Venus, seinen Nacken beut
+  Dir Den Sklave, dienstbereit!
+
+  [_DE CASTRO gathers himself up and sits in the chair at the end of the
+  settee in front of the, writing-table. BLAND and ROPER, having knelt
+  and kissed LILY'S foot, also sit, the former in the chair in the
+  middle of the room, the latter in the chair on the extreme left.
+  Finally, FARNCOMBE finds himself before LILY. He looks at her
+  hesitatingly and she returns his look with awakened interest and
+  withdraws her foot._
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Shaking her head._] No, no; don't _you_ be silly, like the others.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Loudly._] Tea!
+
+  [_BLAND, VON RETTENMAYER and DE CASTRO jump up and go to the tea-table
+  where FARNCOMBE joins them. GLADYS enters, carrying a stand on which
+  are a plate of bread-and-butter, a dish of cake, etc. ROPER takes the
+  stand from her and the girl retires. FARNCOMBE brings LILY a cup of
+  tea. DE CASTRO and BLAND follow him, the one with a milk-jug, the
+  other with a sugar-basin. VON RETTENMAYER carries a cup of tea to
+  JIMMIE, and then DE CASTRO and BLAND, having waited upon LILY, go to
+  JIMMIE with the milk and sugar. ROPER hands the bread-and-butter and
+  cake to LILY, then to JIMMIE, and in the end ROPER, BLAND, DE CASTRO
+  and VON RETTENMAYER assemble at the tea-table and receive their cups
+  of tea from MRS. UPJOHN._
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Relieving GLADYS of the stand._] Give it to me. I want a little
+exercise.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Taking her cup of tea from FARNCOMBE._] Thanks.
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+[_Helping LILY to milk._] Milk-ho!
+
+BLAND.
+
+Sugar?
+
+LILY.
+
+Br-r-r-rh! I'm putting on weight as it is.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Offering the bread-and-butter, etc.-- facetiously._] Ices, sweets
+_or_ chocolates, full piano-score!
+
+LILY.
+
+Nothing to eat, Uncle; I dine at six.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Calling to JEYES from the tea-table._] Captain, ain't you goin' to
+'ave any tea?
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Moodily examining the presents on the writing-table._] No, thank
+you, Mrs. Upjohn.
+
+BLAND.
+
+[_To JIMMIE, after she has been helped to milk._] Sugar?
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+Two lumps.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Pushing BLAND and DE CASTRO aside, imitating a female voice._] Ices,
+sweets _or_ chocolates, full piano-score!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Cutting a slice of cake._] Lal, the world 'ud be a much happier
+place to live in if Lloyd George taxed your jokes.
+
+VON RETTENMAYER, BLAND, and DE CASTRO. [_Returning to the tea-table._]
+Ha, ha, ha, ha!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_To FARNCOMBE, who remains standing near her._] Seen our show at the
+Pandora?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Gazing at her._] Twenty-three times.
+
+LILY.
+
+Not really?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+This week and last, every night.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Running her eye over him._] You in the Guards, by any chance?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Nodding._] Yes.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Smiling._] Ah, you'll never do a braver deed than seeing our show
+twenty-three times.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_As ROPER leaves her to go to the table, her mouth full of cake._]
+Boys! [_Choking._] Heugh, heugh, heugh! Wait a minute; I've swallowed
+some of the Baron's German. [_Gulping._] B-oys, seriously-- no rot--
+[_raising her tea-cup_] jolly good health to Lily! [_There is a cry of
+approbation from BLAND, VON RETTENMAYER, DE CASTRO and ROPER.
+FARNCOMBE fetches himself a cup of tea from the tea-table._] She's a
+white woman, Lily is-- the staunchest, truest pal, where she takes a
+liking----
+
+BLAND, VON RETTENMAYER, DE CASTRO, AND ROPER.
+
+Hear, hear!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Pressing forward through the men and going to LILY._] And the best
+daughter breathing. [_Embracing LILY and then turning to the others._]
+D'ye notice the new dress I'm wearin' this afternoon?
+
+LILY.
+
+Don't, mother; don't.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Fifteen guineas it's cost her. [_Sitting in the chair on the extreme
+left, proudly._] Madame Godolphin made it, and a 'at to go with it
+_ong sweet_.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_To MRS. UPJOHN._] Hu-s-s-sh!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+Well---- [_sipping her tea as if drinking a toast_] in a cup of tea!
+
+BLAND, DE CASTRO, AND ROPER.
+
+[_Sipping their tea._] In a cup o' tea!
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Drinking._] In a gob o' dea!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_To VON RETTENMAYER, mockingly._] Gob o' dea!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Waving her hand._] Thank you, Jimmie. Thank you, dear boys, from the
+bottom of my heart.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_To the men._] By Jove, she saved _me_ once from going home to a
+cheap lodging and taking a dose of rat-killer!
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Behind ROPER and DE CASTRO, peeping over their shoulders._] A pidy--
+a gread pidy.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_To VON RETTENMAYER._] I'll attend to you presently, Baron.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_To JIMMIE._] I remember. A wretched little shrimp you looked that
+day.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_To everybody._] It was my first morning at the Pandora. They'd had
+me up from Harrogate in a hurry, to take Gwennie Harker's place. I'd
+been playing her part in the Number Two Co. in the country; and she'd
+left 'em in a hole, to get married to a stupid lord---- [_To
+FARNCOMBE, finding him standing near her._] Sorry. I was to have only
+one rehearsal; [_clenching her fist_] and, oh, didn't they treat me
+abominably! Miss Ensor was late and we were all hanging about on the
+stage, waiting for her. I've never felt so cold in my life, or so
+lonely. Not a word of welcome, not a nod, from a single soul; simply a
+blank stare occasionally from a haughty beauty with a curled lip! And
+at last, when I was on the point of howling, I became conscious that
+somebody was watching me-- a tall, pretty thing in a lavender
+frock----
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+[_Sitting in the chair in the middle of the room._] Lil.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+I caught her eye, and she came straight over to me and sat down beside
+me. "Shaky?" she said. "A corpse," I said. And she quietly laid hold
+of my hand and held it till Dolly Ensor condescended to stroll in. And
+when I got up I asked her who she was, and she told me. "Oh, my God,"
+I said, "I'll never forget your kindness! Why, of course, you're the
+'Mind the Paint' girl----!"
+
+ROPER, DE CASTRO, AND VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Singing._] "Mind the paint! Mind the paint! Tra, lal, la, lal, la,
+lal, la, lal, la, lal, tra, la, la, la----!"
+
+  [_BLAND seats himself at the piano and thumps out the air of the
+  refrain of "Mind the Paint." The three men, mouthing the time
+  silently, wave their arms, and LILY'S head and body move from side to
+  side._
+
+BLAND.
+
+[_With a groan._] Ugh! Is there anything more ancient than a
+four-year-old comic song? [_Playing a few bars of the melody of the
+song._] Shade of Nineveh and all the buried cities!
+
+ROPER, VON RETTENMAYER, AND DE CASTRO.
+
+[_To LILY, coaxingly._] Lily! Goddess! Lil!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Shaking her head._] Oh, boys, it's gone. [_Pressing temples._]
+I couldn't----
+
+  [_BLAND plays the introductory symphony and then pauses. Then she
+  sings, he accompanying her. In a moment or two, the song comes back to
+  her readily and she gives it with great witchery and allurement. JEYES
+  starts up and goes to the window in the wall on the right and looks
+  out._
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Singing._]
+
+  I've a very charming dwelling,
+  (You know where without the telling)
+  Decorated in a style that's rather quaint!
+                            Smart and quaint!
+  When you pay my house a visit,
+  You may scrutinise or quiz it,
+  But you mustn't touch the paint!
+                            Brand-new paint!
+  Mind the paint! Mind the paint!
+  (No matter whether Maple's bills are settled or they ain't!)
+  Once you smear it or you scratch it,
+  It's impossible to match it;
+  So take care, please, of the paint-- of the paint!
+
+  [_Rising and coming to the middle of the room, LILY repeats the
+  refrain, dancing to it gracefully. JIMMIE also rises and she, ROPER,
+  VON RETTENMAYER, and DE CASTRO join in the chorus and the dance, the
+  three men very extravagantly. FARNCOMBE looks on, enraptured, while
+  MRS. UPJOHN beats time with her hands._
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Singing._]
+
+  I'm possessed of all the graces,
+  Oh, a perfect dr-r-r-ream my face is!
+  (It may owe to Art a trifle or it mayn't
+                            H'm, it mayn't!)
+  And I'll cry out for assistance.
+  Should you fail to keep your distance,
+  Goodness gracious, mind the paint!
+                            Mind the paint!
+  Mind the paint! Mind the paint!
+  A girl is not a sinner just because she's not a saint!
+  But my heart shall hold you dearer--
+  You may come a little nearer--
+  If you'll _only_ mind the paint-- mind the paint!
+
+  [_The refrain is repeated as before, MRS. UPJOHN rising and taking a
+  share in it. Then LILY drops on to the settee before the
+  writing-table, laughing and holding up her hands in protest._
+
+LILY.
+
+No more, boys! [_ROPER, VON RETTENMAYER, and DE CASTRO gather round
+her, applauding her and urging her to continue._] No, no; no more!
+I've had such a stiff day----
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_With sudden energy, to everybody._] Out you go, all of you; out you
+go!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_To the men._] Come on; let's mizzle. [_Shaking hands with
+FARNCOMBE._] Cruel of us to tire her so.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Tapping VON RETTENMAYER on the shoulder._] Now, then, Baron!
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Shaking hands with LILY._] I'm goming.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Taking VON RETTENMAYER to the door._] Well, _gome_!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Pulling ROPER away from LILY._] Now, Uncle!
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Adjusting his coat._] Mind the paint, Ma.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Calling out._] Good-bye, Lil!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_As she shakes hands with DE CASTRO, calling to JIMMIE._] Good-bye!
+
+  [_JIMMIE and VON RETTENMAYER disappear._
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Now, Mr. de Castro! [_Moving with ROPER towards the door._] 'Owever
+d'ye think she's goin' to get through her work to-night!
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+[_Pausing to comb his moustache._] Quite right, Ma---- [_thoughtlessly_]
+and a thupper and a danthe afterwardth.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Turning upon him quickly._] Sssh! [_In a low voice._] Dam fool!
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+[_Clapping his hand to his mouth._] Oh----!
+
+  [_They glance at JEYES who, hearing de Castro's remark, has left the
+  window and come forward a step or two._
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Uneasily._] Er-- good-bye, Nicko.
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+[_To JEYES, in the same way._] G-good-bye.
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_To both, dryly._] Good-bye.
+
+BLAND.
+
+[_Talking to LILY, neither of them having heard de Castro's slip._]
+That jingle-- an echo of old times, eh?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Looking up at him._] Yes, but not better times than these times,
+Vin?
+
+BLAND.
+
+[_Sadly, holding her hand._] Ah, Lil, there are so many tunes in life
+left for _you_, my dear!
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_At the door, with MRS. UPJOHN and DE CASTRO-- to BLAND._] Come along,
+Vincent.
+
+  [_BLAND joins the group at the door as FARNCOMBE approaches LILY._
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Shaking hands with her._] Thank you. [_With fervour._] Glorious!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Reproachfully._] For shame!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+I mean it.
+
+LILY.
+
+T'sh! [_Lightly._] See you again some day, perhaps?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Ah, yes--
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Calling to FARNCOMBE._] Coming our way, Farncombe?
+
+  [_ROPER, BLAND, and DE CASTRO depart. FARNCOMBE bows to LILY and makes
+  for the door._
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_To JEYES._] Good-bye, Captain Jeyes.
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Who has wandered to the entrance to the conservatory, where he is
+now standing with his back to the room-- half turning._] Good-bye.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Shaking hands with MRS. UPJOHN._] Delightful! Enjoyed myself
+amazingly.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Graciously._] Oh, we're always glad when a few folks pop in-- [_he
+wrings her hand_] if they don't over-stay their welcome.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Naturally. [_Hurriedly._] Good-bye. [_He vanishes._
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Remaining at the door._] Captain----
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Advancing._] I want just half a dozen words with Lily, Mrs. Upjohn.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_To MRS. UPJOHN._] Tell Maud to put out my old green frock, mother;
+I'll be up in a minute or two.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_To JEYES._] Now, you won't keep 'er longer, will you?
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Grimly._] No, no; I know she won't be in bed till four o'clock
+to-morrow morning at the earliest. [_MRS. UPJOHN goes out, closing the
+door, and Jeyes comes to LILY._] So Smythe is giving you a grand feed
+to-night at the theatre, Lil?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Arranging the pillows on the settee._] In the foyer.
+
+JEYES.
+
+And a dance, it appears.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Yawning._] Oh-h-h-h! [_Lying upon the settee at full length._] Who
+told _you_, grumpy?
+
+JEYES.
+
+Roper and your mother told me about the supper. _You_ didn't.
+
+LILY.
+
+Ha, ha! You were in such a vile mood last night, coming home.
+
+JEYES.
+
+Who will there be to dance _with_ to-night?
+
+LILY.
+
+The men of the Company.
+
+JEYES.
+
+That doesn't sound very inspiring.
+
+LILY.
+
+Rather school-treaty, isn't it!
+
+JEYES.
+
+Nobody from outside?
+
+LILY.
+
+No; it's to be only the men in the theatre and the principal ladies.
+
+JEYES.
+
+_Roper's_ going.
+
+LILY.
+
+Uncle Lal? Oh, well, he's hardly from outside.
+
+JEYES.
+
+And de Castro.
+
+LILY.
+
+Sam?
+
+JEYES.
+
+I'm sure of it, from something I heard him say just now.
+
+LILY.
+
+Sam used to finance Carlton. I suppose they reckon _him_ one of us.
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Sitting in the chair in the middle of the room._] Smythe might have
+extended the compliment to _me_, Lil. He knows how I stand towards
+you.
+
+LILY.
+
+Awfully sorry; _I_ can't help it.
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Twining his fingers together._] You see, if Roper and de Castro are
+asked, there may be others.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Changing her position._] Oh, lal, lal, lal, lal, la!
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_With a set jaw._] Some of the more juvenile "boys," perhaps.
+[_Examining his nails._] Lil.
+
+LILY.
+
+What?
+
+JEYES.
+
+When did you make the acquaintance of the young sprig o' the nobility
+who's been here this afternoon?
+
+LILY.
+
+Lord Farncombe? Bertie brought him and introduced him one day last
+week.
+
+JEYES.
+
+Ha! _He's_ at your feet now.
+
+LILY.
+
+Phuh!
+
+JEYES.
+
+Oh, you may "phuh"! He's in front every blessed night. There he sits,
+Row B., three stalls from the end, prompt side!
+
+LILY.
+
+There are a few good-looking girls at the Pandora besides your humble
+servant.
+
+JEYES.
+
+Rubbish! His glass follows you all over the stage. I watched him
+talking to you in this room----
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Raising herself._] Did you indeed!
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Beating his clenched hands upon the arms of his chair._] God in
+heaven! First it's one, then it's another, chasing you!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Putting her feet to the ground._] Oh, you're maddening, Nicko! You
+_are_; you're maddening. Last night it was Stewie Heneage you chose to
+be jealous of, simply because you'd heard him sounding my praises at
+Catani's! You almost broke the window of the car, you went on so!
+
+JEYES.
+
+I confess I object to Heneage, or any man, raving about you at the top
+of his voice in a public place.
+
+LILY.
+
+Sakes alive, why _shouldn't_ Stewie rave about me in a public place,
+if he feels like it! I belong to the public. He might rave about a
+girl who's a jolly sight less deserving of being raved about, as a
+girl _and_ an artist, than I am.
+
+JEYES.
+
+Well, we'll dismiss Heneage.
+
+LILY.
+
+Yes, exit Stewie and enter somebody else for you fuss and fume about.
+This afternoon it's Lord Farncombe, and to-morrow it'll be a fresh
+person altogether. One 'ud think, to hear you, that I don't know how
+to take care of myself, and of any poor boy who loses his head over
+me! [_Rising and walking away._] You're growing worse and worse with
+your jealousy, Nicko. Stop it! I'm surprised at you, after all these
+years! It's beginning to fret me, and that's bad for my spirits and
+bad for me in business. [_At the tea-table, grabbing a piece of
+bread-and-butter and biting at it._] And now you're making me spoil my
+dinner-- [_relenting_] and that's not good for me either, you brute!
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_His hands hanging loosely between his knees, sighing heavily._] Oh,
+Lily, Lily----!
+
+LILY.
+
+Yes, oh, Lily, Lily!
+
+JEYES.
+
+Why-- why don't you put me out of my misery?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Munching._] Poison you?
+
+JEYES.
+
+Marry me.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Behind his chair._] Marry you? [_Taking his handkerchief from his
+breast-pocket and wiping her fingers upon it-- sarcastically._] Have
+you come to tell me you've got some work to do at last? Break it
+gently, Nicko; the shock might be too great for me.
+
+JEYES.
+
+Oh, _I'd_ find a billet soon enough, Lil, if only I'd an incentive to
+hunt for it.
+
+LILY.
+
+Incentive! You _had_ an incentive twelve months ago, when I was
+willing to engage myself to you absolutely if you could obtain a good
+secretaryship or something of the sort.
+
+JEYES.
+
+I-- I've no fancy for a beggarly secretaryship.
+
+LILY.
+
+No; all _you've_ a fancy for, seemingly, is for living on your
+unfortunate people. [_Throwing him his handkerchief and leaving him._]
+How a man of your age can rest satisfied with being a burden to others
+passes my dull comprehension!
+
+JEYES.
+
+I-- I _have_ been a bit slack, I own-- I _have_ been a bit leisurely;
+but----
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Inspecting some of the flowers about the room._] Nicko, that
+pendant, or whatever it is, you've given me-- I don't want to hurt
+you, but I won't accept it. You take it away with you; do you hear?
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Not heeding her, weakly._] Lil----
+
+LILY.
+
+I'm in earnest; you remove it from off my premises.
+
+JEYES.
+
+Lil-- [_she returns to him_] my eldest brother-- Robert-- [_looking up
+at her_] Bob-- [_She nods inquiringly._] Bob's at me to go out to
+Rhodesia, to manage a group of stock farms he's interested in near
+Bulawayo.
+
+LILY.
+
+Oh, why don't you go?
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Forlornly._] Rhodesia! Bulawayo! [_Looking up at her again with a
+dismal smile._] Come with me?
+
+LILY.
+
+Don't be absurd.
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Rising and putting his hands upon her shoulders._] No, you wouldn't
+care a straw-- not a brass farthing-- if I _did_ go, would yer!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Softening again._] Stuff! I should miss you horribly. [_Toying with
+a button of his waistcoat._] Who'd bring me home from the theatre at
+night then, and from rehearsals; who----?
+
+JEYES.
+
+Ah, _who_! [_His grip tightening on her._] _Who!_
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Wincing._] Ssss! You'll bruise my skin if you're not careful.
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Taking her hand and crumpling it in his._] Well, it might be that
+you'd miss me for a while-- the old dog that you're accustomed to find
+lying on your door-mat; [_pressing her hand to his lips_] but you
+don't _love_ me, Lil-- not even as much as you did a year ago. You
+don't _love_ me!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_With a faint shrug of her shoulders._] Perhaps I don't, in the way
+you mean; [_wistfully_] perhaps it's not in me really to love anybody
+in a marrying way. [_Meeting his eyes._] Still, as you say----
+
+JEYES.
+
+As I say----?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Pursing her mouth at him winningly._] I'm _accustomed_ to you,
+Nicko. [_He draws her to him; but, with a laugh, she checks him by
+offering him her head to kiss._] There-- [_putting the point of her
+finger playfully on the crown of her head_] you may _there_. [_As he
+kisses her._] Now I must run upstairs, or mother'll whack me.
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Detaining her._] Won't you allow me to fetch you after the dance?
+
+LILY.
+
+Three or four in the morning! No; I'll give you a rest. Uncle Lal or
+Sam'll take on your job. [_Going to the door._] And don't try to see
+me to-morrow.
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Sharply._] Why not?
+
+LILY.
+
+Not till you turn up at night as usual. I shall be a shocking rag all
+day.
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Breaking out._] Yes, I expect you'll manage to enjoy yourself
+thoroughly, and dance yourself off your feet, whoever your partners
+may be!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Wilfully._] Expect I shall. [_Tossing her head up._] Ha, ha! I'll do
+my best.
+
+  [_She departs, leaving him standing near the tea-table. He takes out
+  his handkerchief and mops his brow. As he does so, his eyes rest upon
+  the telephone-instrument on the writing-table and he stares at it. He
+  hesitates, as if struggling to resist an impulse; then he goes quickly
+  to the instrument and puts the receiver to his ear._
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_After a pause._] Gerrard, three, eight, four, eight. [_Discovering
+that LILY has left the door wide open, he lays the receiver upon the
+writing-table and goes to the door and shuts it. Then he returns to
+the writing-table and again listens at the receiver._] Is that the
+office of the Pandora Theatre?... [_Suddenly, imitating the voice of
+DE CASTRO._] Ith Mithter Morrith Cooling in?... I'm Mithter de Castro
+... Tham de Castro ... Gone, ith he?... Oh, ith that you, Mithter
+Hickthon?... Yeth, you'll do ... About the thupper-party to-night that
+Mithter Smythe ith giving to Mith Parradell ... Yer there?... I didn't
+quite underthtand whether ith to be at the theatre or at a rethtaurong
+... At the theatre?... Oh, yeth ... A largth party?... Oh, that _ith_
+nithe!... Who are the guesth, d'ye know?... Yeth?... Yeth?... Oh, an'
+the boyth!... oh, thome o' the _boyth_ are comin', are they!...
+Hey?... Haven't got the litht from Mithter Roper yet?... Oh, _he'th_
+been helpin' to get it up!... Oh, we _shall_ have a thplendid time!...
+The boyth!... Yeth!... Yeth!... ha, ha, ha, ha!... thankth....
+goo'bye!
+
+  [_He replaces the receiver and stands looking at the door for a
+  moment. Then, with his head bent and his hands clasped behind him, he
+  goes slowly out._
+
+  END OF THE FIRST ACT.
+
+
+
+
+  THE SECOND ACT
+
+
+_The scene is an artistically decorated refreshment-saloon-- or
+"foyer"-- on the first-circle floor of a theatre. The wall facing the
+spectator is panelled partly in glass, and through the glazed panels
+the corridor behind the circle, and the doors admitting to the circle,
+are seen. The right-hand wall is panelled in a similar way, showing
+the landing at the top of the principal staircase and an entrance to
+the corridor. Some music-stands and stools are on the landing,
+arranged for a small orchestra._
+
+_In the right-hand wall there is a double swing-door giving on to the
+landing; and in the wall at the back, opening on to, and from, the
+corridor, there is a single swing-door on the left and another on the
+right. The left-hand door is fastened back into the saloon by a hook.
+Between the two doors in the back wall runs the refreshment-counter._
+
+_In one of the further corners of the saloon there is a plaster statue
+representing the Muse of Comedy, in the opposite corner a companion
+figure of Dancing. In the wall on the left, the grate hidden by
+flowers, is a fireplace with a fender-stool before it, and on either
+side of the fireplace there is a capacious and richly upholstered
+arm-chair. A settee of like design stands against the wall on the
+right between the double-door and the spectator._
+
+_The counter is decked-out as a sideboard, and at equal distances from
+each other there are four round tables laid for a supper-party of
+twenty-six persons. There are eight chairs at one table and six at
+each of the others, the chairs being of the sort usually supplied by
+ball-caterers._
+
+_The saloon and the landing without are brilliantly lighted, the
+corridor less brightly._
+
+
+  [_LUIGI and four waiters-- one of whom has a curly head and a fair
+  beard ending in two flamboyant points-- are putting the finishing
+  touches to the laying of the tables, while MORRIS COOLING, a person of
+  imposing presence displaying a vast expanse of shirt-front, is engaged
+  in placing upon each of the serviettes a card bearing the name of a
+  guest._
+
+COOLING.
+
+[_Referring to a plan of the tables which he has in his hand._] Miss
+Connify-- Miss Connify-- Miss Connify-- where's Miss Connify? Ah, here
+you are, my dear-- [_moving to MISS CONNIFY'S chair and putting a card
+upon her serviette_] next to old Arthur.
+
+  [_The four waiters, obeying a direction in dumb-show from LUIGI, go
+  out at the door on the left._
+
+LUIGI.
+
+[_A little, dark, active man-- viewing the tables with satisfaction._]
+Tables look nice, Mr. Cooling?
+
+COOLING.
+
+[_Absorbed._] Not bad-- not bad-- not bad. [_LUIGI follows the
+waiters._] Miss Kato? [_Moving to another table and laying a card upon
+a serviette._] Gabrielle.
+
+  [_ROPER bustles in through the double-door, in high feather._
+
+ROPER.
+
+Hul-lo! [_Cutting a caper._] Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, and
+how are you to-morrow!
+
+COOLING.
+
+[_Deep in his plan of the tables._] Hullo, Lal!
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Surveying the tables._] Splendid! [_Going from one table to
+another._] Seating 'em, hey?
+
+COOLING.
+
+Mr. Palk-- Mr. Palk-- Mr. Palk? [_Placing another card._] Albert.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Which d'ye make your principal table?
+
+COOLING.
+
+There it is; you're at it.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Ah, yes. [_Examining the cards._] "Miss Lily Parradell--"! [_His jaw
+falling._] Why, you've gone and put the Baron on her right!
+
+COOLING.
+
+[_Unconsciously._] Well, what's the objection?
+
+ROPER.
+
+Where's Farncombe? Where's Lord Farncombe?
+
+COOLING.
+
+On the other side, with Dolly Stidulph and Enid.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Rats!
+
+COOLING.
+
+What do you mean by Rats? [_Advancing to the principal table--
+nettled._] Look heah, Lal----!
+
+ROPER.
+
+My dear fellow, Miss Parradell is the heroine o' the party; the seat
+next to her is the seat of honour.
+
+COOLING.
+
+That's why I've put the Baron there. With things as they are between
+England and Germany----
+
+ROPER.
+
+If Germany doesn't like it, she must lump it. Lord Farncombe's the
+eldest son of an Earl; you can't get over that.
+
+COOLING.
+
+[_Picking up FARNCOMBE'S card._] Oh, have it your own way.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Picking up VON RETTENMAYER'S card._] Besides, the Baron's sweet on
+Enid just now; I'm sure he'd prefer-- [_They exchange the cards and
+rearrange them._] thanks, ol' man. Sorry I was shirty.
+
+COOLING.
+
+[_Laying down his plan and cards and producing a letter from his
+breast-pocket._] By-the-bye, the fair Lily-- the heroine of the party,
+as you call her-- is in a pretty tantrum over the whole business.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Tantrum?
+
+COOLING.
+
+[_Unfolding the letter._] Had this from her ten minutes ago. Listen to
+_this_. [_Reading._] "My Dressing-room. 11-15. 80 degrees, with the
+windows open." [_In an injured tone._] Haw, so I should think!
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Concerned._] What's amiss?
+
+COOLING.
+
+[_Reading._] "Morrie, you pig." [_ROPER whistles._] "Morrie, you pig.
+I should feel deeply indebted to you if you would kindly inform me why
+the devil you went out of your way to deceive me last night. You led
+me to suppose-- and so did that lying worm Lal Roper----" [_looking at
+ROPER_] _You._
+
+ROPER.
+
+Oh, lord!
+
+COOLING.
+
+[_Resuming._] "--that lying worm Lal Roper----"
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Testily._] All right, all right.
+
+COOLING.
+
+"--you both led me to suppose that this rotten banquet was to be a
+family gathering of the ladies and gentlemen of the Pandora Theatre,
+and no outsiders asked. Now I find that only three or four of the men
+of the Company are invited, and I hear from Nita Trevenna, who has got
+it from young Kennedy, that several of the Boys are to be laid on for
+the occasion. The result is you have made me tell a regular whopper to
+a particular friend of mine with regard to this affair----"
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Passing his hand over his brow._] Nicko Jeyes.
+
+COOLING.
+
+"--which I will never forgive you for, Morris Cooling-- neither you
+nor Lal Roper. As true as I am alive, I have a jolly good mind not to
+show, but to put on my old rags and go straight home. You are two
+cads. So take it out of that and believe me, Always yours
+affectionately, Lil."
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Walking about._] Well, I'm blessed!
+
+COOLING.
+
+[_Returning the letter to his pocket._] Haw! Tasty document!
+
+ROPER.
+
+Lying worm and a cad! And from Miss Lily Margaret Upjohn! [_To
+COOLING._] Done anything about it?
+
+COOLING.
+
+No; waited for you. [_Going on with his arrangements at the tables._]
+_You're_ responsible. What _I_ did last night was simply to oblige a
+pal.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Irresolutely._] I'd better run round to her, and try to smooth her
+down, hadn't I?
+
+COOLING.
+
+Perhaps you _had_. [_Placing a card._] Mr. Stewart Heneage. [_To
+ROPER._] Why you wanted to mislead the girl I can't understand.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Damn it, you agreed that that sulky brute Jeyes 'ud be a wet blanket!
+You blow hot and cold, you do!
+
+COOLING.
+
+There you go! More filthy temper!
+
+ROPER.
+
+If ever I assist in getting up another party----! [_As he reaches the
+door on the left, he encounters CARLTON SMYTHE, who is entering at
+that moment, and puts on his humourous manner._] Hul-lo! Here we are
+again! All change for Oxford Circus!
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+[_A bulky, sleepy-looking man with grey hair, a darker moustache and
+beard, and a heavy, rolling gait._] Ha, Lal!
+
+ROPER.
+
+I'm just going to have a word with Lil Parradell.
+
+  [_He disappears and SMYTHE advances._
+
+COOLING.
+
+[_Approaching SMYTHE._] How are you to-night, Chief?
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+[_A silk hat on the back of his head, an overcoat on his arm--
+regarding the preparations with disgust._] Puh! Here's a muck and a
+muddle!
+
+COOLING.
+
+Don't worry; we'll clear it away in no time. Shall I tell you who are
+coming?
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+No; I shall know soon enough. What was the house to-night?
+
+COOLING.
+
+[_Producing a long slip of paper and handing it to SMYTHE._] Big.
+[_SMYTHE scans the paper through half-closed lids and gives a growl of
+contentment._] Haw! And the weather dead against us.
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+[_Screwing up the paper, and cramming it into his waistcoat-pocket._]
+There's no bad weather for a good play. [_Looking at his hands._] I'll
+go and have a wash and brush up. [_LUIGI returns, entering at the door
+on the left, and goes behind the counter. The waiters follow him,
+carrying some melons lying upon ice in plated dishes. They deposit the
+dishes upon the counter and LUIGI proceeds to cut the melon into
+slices. COOLING resumes, at a table on the left, the placing of the
+cards. As SMYTHE is moving towards the right-hand door at the back,
+STEWART HENEAGE and GERALD GRIMWOOD-- two exquisitely dressed youths
+with blank faces-- enter from the landing. SMYTHE shakes hands with
+them._] Ha, Mr. Heneage! Ha, Mr. Grimwood! [_HENEAGE and GRIMWOOD
+murmur some polite expressions._] Excuse me; I'm just going to wash my
+hands. [_DE CASTRO enters, also at the double-door, and SMYTHE shakes
+hands with him. HENEAGE and GRIMWOOD drift over to COOLING, who hails
+them warmly._] How do, Sam! Back in a moment; just going to wash my
+hands.
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+[_Detaining him._] I thay, Carlton.
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+Eh?
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+[_Lowering his voice._] I've been in front again to-night.
+Magnifithent! Marvellouth!
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+[_Resignedly._] It'll do; I shall get a couple o' years out of it.
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+There'th jutht _one_ little improvement I'd like to thee, if I may
+thuggetht it.
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+What's that?
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+[_Linking his arm in SMYTHE'S._] You're thure you won't conthider me
+prethumptuouth?
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+Of course not; very kind of yer.
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+[_In SMYTHE'S ear._] If you _could_ give Gabth-- Mith Kato-- a tiny
+bit more to do in the thecond act----!
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+[_Nodding._] Ah, yes, yes.
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+She'th a little lump o' talent, that gal, if you only realithed it;
+a perfect little lump o' talent.
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+[_Trying to escape._] Er-- I'll think it over.
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+Will yer! An extra thong! That'th all it need be-- an extra thong! Oh,
+it would be _thuch_ an improvement! [_VON RETTENMAYER enters at the
+double-door. The waiters now go to the tables and lay a plate with a
+slice of melon upon it at each cover._] Here'th the Baron. We've been
+thitting together to-night, I and the Baron. [_Wringing SMYTHE'S
+hand._] Thankth. [_Joining COOLING and the others on the left as
+SMYTHE greets VON RETTENMAYER._] Hullo, Morrith! [_Shaking hands with
+HENEAGE and GRIMWOOD._] Well, boyth!
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+[_Shaking hands with VON RETTENMAYER._] Glad to see yer, Baron.
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+Zo good of you to haf me.
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+Excuse me; I'm just going to wash my hands.
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Detaining him._] Bardon me-- one moment----
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+Eh?
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Dropping his voice._] May I dake the liberdy of indulging in a
+liddle griticism on your eggcellent blay?
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+Certainly.
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Drawing SMYTHE away from the tables._] Gome here. [_His mouth close
+to SMYTHE'S ear._] The zecond aggd!
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+Second act; what's the matter with it?
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+The pard where the gharming Miss Barradell is ghanging her gostume----
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+Yes?
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+That is where the biece reguires lifding-- [_with a gesture_] lifding.
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+Lifting?
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+Mr. Davish-- Mr. Balk-- eggsdremely glever; [_slipping his arm through
+SMYTHE'S_] but if you could zee your way glear to gif Enid-- Miss
+Mongreiff-- anoder dance----
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+[_Nodding._] Ah, h'm, h'm.
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+It would remove the zolitary imberfection.
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+Er-- I'll think it over. [_Releasing himself._] I'm just going to wash
+my hands. We'll talk about it later.
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+Schoensten Dank. [_Going to the men on the left._] Aha, Mr. Gooling!
+My dear Steward-- my dear Jerry----!
+
+  [_As SMYTHE is again making for the door on the left, MRS. STIDULPH
+  enters from the landing with COLONEL STIDULPH._
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+[_To MRS. STIDULPH._] Ha, Dolly! [_Kissing her._] How are you, my
+dear?
+
+MRS. STIDULPH.
+
+[_A mature but still beautiful woman, gorgeously dressed and wearing
+showy jewels-- with a lofty air._] How are you, Carlton?
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+[_To STIDULPH._] How d'ye do, Arthur? Delighted to see yer.
+
+MRS. STIDULPH.
+
+Lucky I'm able to come to you to-night. It's so difficult to catch me
+in the season.
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+Been in front?
+
+MRS. STIDULPH.
+
+M'yes; [_in a tone of boredom_] oh, yes.
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+What, don't you like it?
+
+MRS. STIDULPH.
+
+Oh, I don't say I _dis_like it; [_shrugging her shoulders_] but one
+can't forget what one _used_ to do here in the old days.
+
+STIDULPH.
+
+[_An elderly, distinguished-looking man with a meek voice and a
+courteous but rather nervous manner._] I've had a most enjoyable
+evening, Carlton. So bright; so very bright!
+
+MRS. STIDULPH.
+
+[_To STIDULPH, sneeringly._] Oh, anything pleases _you_; _you'd_ laugh
+at Punch and Judy.
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+I'm just running away to wash my hands. [_Looking towards the men on
+the left._] You know Von Rettenmayer?
+
+MRS. STIDULPH.
+
+Know him! Why, he was about in my time! [_Crossing to VON RETTENMAYER,
+followed by STIDULPH._] Karl!
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+My dear lady! [_Kissing her hand perfunctorily._] What bliss!
+[_Shaking hands with STIDULPH._] Golonel!
+
+MRS. STIDULPH.
+
+[_Shaking hands with DE CASTRO._] How are you, Sam?
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+Ah, Dolly! [_To STIDULPH._] Hullo, Arthur!
+
+COOLING.
+
+[_Presenting HENEAGE and GRIMWOOD to the STIDULPHS._] Mr. Stewart
+Heneage-- Mr. Gerald Grimwood----
+
+  [_As the STIDULPHS leave SMYTHE, HERBERT FULKERSON enters from the
+  landing with FARNCOMBE. In dumb-show, SMYTHE and FULKERSON greet each
+  other and then FULKERSON introduces FARNCOMBE._
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+[_Shaking hands with FARNCOMBE._] Glad to make your acquaintance.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Glad to make _yours_, Mr. Smythe-- and in such circumstances!
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+[_A white-faced young man with red eyes and of dissipated appearance--
+espying MRS. STIDULPH._] By Jove, if it isn't Dolly Ensor! [_Hurrying
+to MRS. STIDULPH._] What cheer, Dolly!
+
+MRS. STIDULPH.
+
+[_Coldly._] How do you do, Mr. Fulkerson?
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+[_Slightly abashed._] Oh, I-- I'm pretty middlin', thanks; hope you're
+the same. [_Nodding to STIDULPH._] Evenin', Arthur.
+
+  [_VINCENT BLAND has sauntered in at the door on the left and now joins
+  the group surrounding the STIDULPHS._
+
+BLAND.
+
+[_Nodding to HENEAGE and GRIMWOOD._] H'lo, Stewart! H'lo, Jerry!
+[_Coming to the STIDULPHS._] Dolly----Colonel----
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+[_To FARNCOMBE._] I'll be back in a minute or two; I'm just going to
+wash my hands.
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+[_Calling to FARNCOMBE._] Hi! Eddie!
+
+  [_FARNCOMBE crosses to FULKERSON and is presented by him to the
+  STIDULPHS. GABRIELLE KATO enters at the right-hand door at the back,
+  meeting SMYTHE as he is going out. The waiters have finished setting
+  the plates of melon upon the tables and now withdraw, carrying the
+  plated dishes and preceded by LUIGI, at the door on the left._
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+[_To GABRIELLE._] Ha, Gabby, my dear! Quite well, eh?
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+[_A pretty young woman with a fretful little face expressive of
+extreme dissatisfaction with the world-- looking at SMYTHE
+spiritlessly._] This _is_ a treat. Why, you haven't been to see us for
+ages.
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+[_Cunningly._] I see you all far oftener than you suspect.
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+Do you? That _is_ sly of you.
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+[_Leaving her._] I'm just going to have a wash and brush up.
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+Really? Oh, you _are_ full of news.
+
+  [_He departs as DE CASTRO approaches GABRIELLE._
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+[_In a low voice._] Hullo, Gabth! How are you to-night?
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+Oh, I'm all right, I s'pose. Isn't it hot?
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+[_Not at his ease with her._] It _ith_ inclined that way.
+
+  [_DAPHNE DURE, NITA TREVENNA, DOUGLAS GLYNN, and ALBERT PALK enter at
+  the door on the left. NITA is a tall, handsome girl, DAPHNE a plump,
+  little, fair, baby-faced thing. They are charmingly dressed, as are
+  all the ladies of the Pandora Theatre. GLYNN and PALK-- the latter a
+  short, thick-set man who might reasonably be a low comedian-- are two
+  professional-looking gentlemen of the best class. The arrivals are
+  warmly hailed by FULKERSON, VON RETTENMAYER, HENEAGE, and GRIMWOOD
+  and, with more reserve, by MRS. STIDULPH. STIDULPH has seated himself
+  wearily in the armchair on the nearer side of the fireplace and,
+  beyond listening to BLAND who is talking to him, has withdrawn himself
+  from the proceedings._
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+[_To FARNCOMBE._] Here's Daphne Dure-- and Nita Trevenna. [_Going to
+the new comers._] Hullo, Daphne! Hullo, Nita! How'r'yer, Douglas!
+Hullo, Albert!
+
+DAPHNE and NITA.
+
+How d'ye do, Bertie? [_To VON RETTENMAYER._] How d'ye do, Von?
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Kissing their hands._] Dear ladies! [_To GLYNN and PALK._] Aha, Mr.
+Glynn-- Mr. Balk--!
+
+DAPHNE and NITA.
+
+[_To HENEAGE and GRIMWOOD._] How d'ye do, Stewie? How d'ye do, Jerry?
+[_To MRS. STIDULPH._] Oh, Dolly! That you, Dolly?
+
+MRS. STIDULPH.
+
+Well, girls!
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+Here! I want to introdooce Lord Farncombe. Miss Dure-- Miss Trevenna--
+Lord Farncombe. Douglas-- Albert-- Lord Farncombe.
+
+NITA.
+
+[_Pouncing upon Cooling._] I say, Morris!
+
+COOLING.
+
+What is it, my dear?
+
+NITA.
+
+Is it true that little Kennedy's met with an accident?
+
+COOLING.
+
+Yes; can't join us.
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+The Dwarf! What's happened?
+
+COOLING.
+
+Ran his car into a 'bus, just outside the theatre.
+
+NITA.
+
+Oh!
+
+COOLING.
+
+Pitched himself forward on to his head.
+
+NITA.
+
+His head!
+
+DAPHNE.
+
+[_With a simper._] Don't be anxious, Nita; there's nothing to hurt
+_there_.
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+Poor Dwarf!
+
+  [_GABRIELLE and DE CASTRO now move over to the others._
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+Hullo, Gabs! Hullo, Sam!
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+Ah, Bertie!
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Kissing GABRIELLE'S hand._] Gabrielle!
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+Ah, Von! [_To HENEAGE and GRIMWOOD._] Ah, boys! [_To MRS. STIDULPH._]
+How'r' _you_?
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+[_Shaking hands._] Daphne-- Nita-- Douglath-- Albert--!
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+I want to introdooce Lord Farncombe. Miss Kato-- Lord Farncombe----
+
+  [_A band of musicians have mustered upon the landing and there is the
+  sound of the tuning of instruments._
+
+COOLING.
+
+[_Hurrying across to the double-door._] No, no; no music yet. Wait for
+Miss Parradell! [_As he reaches the double-door, ROPER enters quickly
+at the right-hand door at the back and seizes his arm._] Eh?
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_To COOLING._] It's all right; she'll be round in a minute.
+
+COOLING.
+
+Amiable?
+
+ROPER.
+
+Angelic. She's wearing a new dress, and that's taken her mind off it.
+
+COOLING.
+
+Her bark's always worse than her bite. I knew it 'ud blow over.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Formidably._] Oh, but I have given her such a talking to! [_COOLING
+passes through the double-door, and instructs the leader of the band,
+while ROPER bustles over to the throng on the left._] Hul-lo!
+[_Imitating a street news-vendor._] Speshul edishun, cricket, py-per!
+[_Shaking hands all round._] Dolly-- Nita-- Gabs-- Daphne! Douglas--
+Albert! Ah, here you are, Farncombe! [_Discovering STIDULPH._] Hul-lo,
+Colonel! Results, py-per, extry speshul!
+
+  [_ENID MONCREIFF, WILFRID TAVISH, and SIGISMUND SHIRLEY enter at the
+  right-hand door at the back. ENID is a long, spare-figured girl with
+  the lissom walk of a dancer; TAVISH and SHIRLEY are tall, clean-shaven
+  men of gentlemanlike appearance. VON RETTENMAYER makes for ENID
+  eagerly and is followed, at a more moderate pace, by HENEAGE,
+  GRIMWOOD, and DE CASTRO, and by FULKERSON bringing FARNCOMBE._
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+Miss Mongreiff! [_Kissing ENID'S hand with fervour._] Your dancing was
+more zurprizing to-night than ever. [_To TAVISH and SHIRLEY._] Aha, my
+friends!
+
+ENID.
+
+[_Shaking hands with HENEAGE, GRIMWOOD, and DE CASTRO._] Well, Stew!
+How are you, Jerry! Sam!
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+I want to introdooce Lord Farncombe. Miss Moncreiff-- Lord Farncombe.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Hurrying across._] Hul-lo, here's Enid!
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+[_Shaking hands with TAVISH and SHIRLEY._] Piethe went thplendidly
+thith evenin', didn't it?
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+[_Shaking hands with TAVISH and SHIRLEY._] I want to introdooce Lord
+Farncombe. Mr. Tavish-- Mr. Shirley-- Lord Farncombe.
+
+ENID.
+
+[_Coming forward to greet MRS. STIDULPH who advances to her._] Dolly
+dear!
+
+MRS. STIDULPH.
+
+[_Embracing ENID._] Enid darling! Good gracious, you're becoming an
+absolute skeleton!
+
+ENID.
+
+Indeed? Well, no one can say that of _you_.
+
+MRS. STIDULPH.
+
+It _is_ a pleasure, meeting all you girls to-night. Of course, one
+can't help seeing _changes_.
+
+ENID.
+
+[_Icily._] Ah, it must be a pleasure, _that_.
+
+MRS. STIDULPH.
+
+I'm going to scold dear old Carlton by-and-by. He never gave _me_ a
+birthday-party when I was with him.
+
+ENID.
+
+No; and you had so many birthdays here, hadn't you?
+
+  [_COOLING returns, entering from the landing, and, after looking at
+  the assembly, goes out at the right-hand door at the back. At the same
+  moment, FLO CONNIFY, SYBIL DERMOTT, OLGA COOK, and EVANGELINE
+  VENTRIS-- four statuesque beauties with impassive faces-- enter at the
+  door on the left. OLGA is in a dark gown and EVANGELINE is wearing a
+  rather elaborate head-dress. Instantly there is a movement in the
+  direction of the new arrivals on the part of ROPER, HENEAGE, and
+  GRIMWOOD. DE CASTRO and FULKERSON follow, FULKERSON still leading
+  FARNCOMBE about with him. MRS. STIDULPH turns from ENID disdainfully
+  and joins NITA and DAPHNE at the fireplace. TAVISH and SHIRLEY also
+  move to the left, where they come upon STIDULPH and shake hands with
+  him, while VON RETTENMAYER and ENID, the latter flushed with victory,
+  seat themselves upon the settee on the right._
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Hastening to the beauties._] Hul-lo! Show your tickets, please! Room
+inside for four! [_Shaking hands._] How are you, Flo! How are you,
+Sybil! How are you, Olga! I _say_, look at 'Vangy!
+
+THE FOUR BEAUTIES.
+
+[_As the men shake hands with them, mechanically._] How d'ye do? How
+d'ye do? How d'ye do? How d'ye do?
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+Here! I want to introdooce Lord Farncombe. Miss Connify-- Lord
+Farncombe. Miss Dermott-- Miss Cook-- Miss 'Vangy Ventris-- Lord
+Farncombe.
+
+THE FOUR BEAUTIES.
+
+[_As before._] How d'ye do? How d'ye do? How d'ye do? How d'ye do?
+
+  [_COOLING hurries back._
+
+COOLING.
+
+[_To everybody._] Miss Parradell! [_Opening the double-door and
+signalling to the leader of the band._] Now!
+
+  [_The band strikes up the air of "Mind the Paint" as LILY enters at
+  the right-hand door at the back with JIMMIE BIRCH. LILY is dressed in
+  white, and altogether fulfils exteriorly ROPER'S description of
+  "angelic." She carries a large bouquet of lilies and pale roses with a
+  broad ribbon flowing from it. All the men but FARNCOMBE, who holds
+  aloof, press round her, STIDULPH rising and joining them. The ladies
+  follow._
+
+THE MEN.
+
+[_Struggling for her hand._] Many happy returns of day! Many happy
+returns of the day! Many happy returns of the day!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Battling with the men._] Keep away from her! Bertie, you're on her
+frock! Mind her frock!
+
+ROPER.
+
+Mind the paint!
+
+SOME OF THE MEN.
+
+Ha, ha, ha!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Holding her bouquet above her head._] My roses! Be careful of me,
+boys! One at a time!
+
+THE MEN.
+
+Many happy returns of the day!
+
+LILY.
+
+I want to kiss the girls. Girls----!
+
+  [_The men make way for the ladies who come to LILY._
+
+THE LADIES.
+
+Many happy returns of the day!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Embracing them._] Sybil-- Nita--! Oh, Mrs. Stidulph!-- Enid--
+Daphne-- Gabs-- Flo dear-- Olga-- 'Vangy----!
+
+PALK.
+
+[_Suddenly._] Here's the guv'nor!
+
+  [_SMYTHE enters at the door on the left. LUIGI and the waiters are
+  behind him, the waiters carrying trays on which are sugar-casters and
+  dishes of powdered ginger. At once there is a movement towards SMYTHE
+  of everybody except those who have already greeted him, and LILY who
+  is detained by ROPER and others._
+
+TAVISH.
+
+How are you, guv'nor?
+
+SOME OF THE LADIES.
+
+How d'ye do, Mr. Smythe?
+
+OTHER LADIES.
+
+[_Hustling him._] How are you, Carlton?
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+[_In the midst of them all._] Girls, girls! I'll shake hands with you
+all in turn, girls.
+
+ENID.
+
+Thought you were dead.
+
+DAPHNE.
+
+Yes; look at Olga-- she's in deep mourning.
+
+SOME OF THE LADIES.
+
+Ha, ha, ha!
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+[_Shaking hands._] Don't, girls, don't; you're smothering me.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_During a momentary lull, finding FARNCOMBE standing before her and
+raising her eyebrows._] You! [_Giving him her hand carelessly._] Oh,
+it isn't long before we meet again, is it?
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+[_Puffing and blowing._] That's the lot of yer. Phew! Where's Lily?
+Lily here? [_The crowd divides, to allow him to advance. Seeing LILY,
+he opens his arms and she goes to him and lays her head upon his
+breast._] Lil-- [_patting her shoulders_] my dear!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Half gaily, half tearfully._] Ha, ha, ha! Carlton!
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+Go'blessyer! [_In another tone._] Well, what about something to eat!
+
+LUIGI.
+
+Ready, Mr. Smythe. [_Loudly._] Ladies and gentlemen, supper is ready!
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+Ha!
+
+COOLING.
+
+[_At the principal table._] Here you are, Chief! Miss Parradell!
+
+SMYTHE.
+
+[_To LILY._] Come along!
+
+  [_There is a general hunt for places and much hubbub and confusion._
+
+COOLING.
+
+[_Calling to ROPER._] Lal, that's your table.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Imitating a shop-walker._] Mr. Roper, forward!
+
+COOLING.
+
+Mrs. Stidulph! Lord Farncombe! [_Pointing to another table._] Glynn,
+you're there.
+
+BLAND.
+
+Here you are, Daphne!
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_At his table._] Miss Kato, wanted!
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+[_Calling to GABRIELLE._] Gabth!
+
+NITA.
+
+[_Calling to HENEAGE._] Stewie!
+
+COOLING.
+
+Baron-- Enid----
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+Aha!
+
+COOLING.
+
+[_To STIDULPH._] Over there, Colonel.
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+[_Wandering about._] Where am _I_? Where am _I_?
+
+NITA.
+
+[_Pushing him aside._] Oh, be off!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Calling._] Jimmie!
+
+COOLING.
+
+[_At his place at a table._] Olga, you're here. Mr. Grimwood!
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+Where am _I_?
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_To FULKERSON._] Next to me, worse luck. [_Screwing up her face at
+him._] Ugh!
+
+ROPER.
+
+Ladies' mantles on the second-floor!
+
+COOLING.
+
+Where's Sybil?
+
+DAPHNE.
+
+[_Calling._] Syb! Syb!
+
+  [_The curtain falls, but the music of "Mind the Paint" continues for a
+  while. Then it ceases and, after a short silence, the curtain rises
+  again. The supper-tables have disappeared and the saloon is empty of
+  people. The musicians and their music-stands and stools have also
+  gone, and faintly from the distance comes the sound of a waltz. Two
+  settees, matching the rest of the furniture, now stand in the centre
+  of the saloon back-to-back, one of them facing the counter, the other
+  facing the spectator. LILY'S bouquet lies on the nearer of the two
+  settees, and upon the floor there is a fan, a red rose that has fallen
+  from a lady's corsage, and a pocket-handkerchief with a powder-puff
+  peeping from it. On the counter there are carafes of lemonade,
+  decanters of spirits and syphons of soda-water, a bowl of
+  strawberries-and-cream, various dishes of cakes, boxes of cigars and
+  cigarettes, a lighted spirit-lamp, and other adjuncts of a buffet.
+  COLONEL STIDULPH wanders in through the double-door as the waltz comes
+  to an end. Feebly and dejectedly he goes to the counter, takes a
+  cigarette, and is lighting it when LUIGI and the waiters enter the
+  door on the left. Two of the waiters are carrying bottles of champagne
+  in wine-coolers, another brings a tray on which are champagne-glasses
+  and tumblers, and the bearded waiter follows with a large dish of
+  sandwiches._
+
+LUIGI.
+
+[_Behind the counter-- to STIDULPH, familiarly._] Ain't you dancing,
+Colonel?
+
+STIDULPH.
+
+Dancing-- I? [_Shaking his head._] No.
+
+LUIGI.
+
+[_Who speaks Cockney English with a slight foreign ascent-- cutting
+the wire of a champagne bottle._] Why, you used to be a regular
+slap-up dancing man when I first knew you.
+
+STIDULPH.
+
+[_Nodding._] Ah, ah; [_moving away_] my dancing days are done.
+
+LUIGI.
+
+Done! Oh, I like that! I bet you ain't sixty, come now, eh?
+
+STIDULPH.
+
+What's the time, Luigi? I haven't a watch on.
+
+LUIGI.
+
+Time, Colonel? [_Looking at his watch._] Twenty to three.
+
+STIDULPH.
+
+No later? [_Sitting on the settee on the right, with a sigh._] Oh,
+dear!
+
+  [_One of the waiters goes out, in obedience to a direction from LUIGI,
+  at the door on the left as HENEAGE enters with ENID, GRIMWOOD with
+  NITA, and VON RETTENMAYER with MRS. STIDULPH at the right-hand door at
+  the back. A wisp of hair has fallen over HENEAGE'S forehead, GRIMWOOD
+  looks somewhat downcast, and VON RETTENMAYER is obviously bored by
+  MRS. STIDULPH._
+
+ENID.
+
+[_To HENEAGE, walking across to the left._] Never been to Ostend!
+You've never been born, then. I'm counting the hours to my holiday.
+[_Sitting in the chair on the nearer side of the fireplace._] Hotel de
+la Plage. Why don't you run over while I'm there?
+
+NITA.
+
+[_To GRIMWOOD, following ENID._] My dear boy, I give you my solemn
+word it wasn't you. It was that fool Bertie. Anyhow, it's a rotten old
+frock. [_Showing a small rent in her skirt to ENID, gaily._] Pom,
+pa-ra, rom, pom, pom!
+
+  [_HENEAGE and GRIMWOOD go to the counter, secure a waiter, and return
+  with him to ENID and NITA. The waiter receives his orders and
+  presently fetches the ladies glasses of lemonade._
+
+MRS. STIDULPH.
+
+[_Whispering to VON RETTENMAYER._] Well! Did you ever! Just fancy!
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Absently, looking at ENID._] I beg your bardon?
+
+MRS. STIDULPH.
+
+Fancy those two girls walking into a room before _us_! [_Discovering
+the fan upon the floor._] Oh, I do believe that's my fan!
+
+  [_VON RETTENMAYER restores the fan to MRS. STIDULPH as ROPER and
+  GABRIELLE enter at the door on the left._
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+[_To ROPER, in a low, complaining voice._] It's a shame of you; that's
+what it is. You went and put Lily Parradell into rubber and enabled
+_her_ to make a bit. She told us so.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Yes; but how long ago?
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+That's not the point. The point is, it's always Lily Parradell with
+you; you never do anything for us other girls.
+
+  [_She sits upon the nearer settee in the centre and she and ROPER, he
+  standing by her, continue their conversation._
+
+MRS. STIDULPH.
+
+[_To VON RETTENMAYER._] No, thanks; I'm on a diet. Didn't you notice
+me at supper? [_Moving to the settee on the right._] Let's sit. [_To
+STIDULPH._] Oh, get up. [_STIDULPH rises quickly._] Why aren't you
+dancing? If you don't dance, go home and put yourself to bed. You
+might, for all the good you're doing here.
+
+STIDULPH.
+
+[_With a forced, painful laugh._] Ha, ha! Ha, ha, ha!
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_As MRS. STIDULPH seats herself._] Blenty of room for you too,
+Golonel.
+
+STIDULPH.
+
+No, no; I won't inconvenience you.
+
+  [_He moves away and VON RETTENMAYER sits beside MRS. STIDULPH. The
+  waiter who has previously gone out now returns at the door on the left
+  with a tray of ices in paper cases. He goes to the counter for a
+  supply of ice-spoons as FARNCOMBE enters with LILY at the right-hand
+  door at the back. Her cheeks are flushed, her eyes sparkling._
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_All his attention suddenly directed to LILY and FARNCOMBE._] Here's
+Lil!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Excitedly, seizing STIDULPH'S hand._] You're not dancing, Colonel
+Stidulph. [_Showing him her programme._] Dance with me. I'll make one
+of the others give up a dance for you.
+
+STIDULPH.
+
+[_Going to the counter._] No, no; I'm too old.
+
+LILY.
+
+Too old for dancing! I shall never be too old for dancing. [_Coming to
+the nearer settee in the centre, picking up her bouquet, and sitting
+beside GABRIELLE._] Ah-h-h-h!
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_To FARNCOMBE, who follows LILY._] Hul-lo! [_Beaming._] Jolly party,
+hey, Farncombe?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Boyishly._] Lovely! [_To LILY._] May I bring you some lemonade-- an
+ice----?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Looking up at him._] You may keep on bringing me ices till the music
+starts again. [_FARNCOMBE leaves her._] Gabby, wasn't that waltz
+delicious!
+
+  [_PALK and SYBIL enter at the door on the left. SYBIL seats herself
+  beside NITA on the fender-stool and PALK fetches her some
+  refreshment._
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+[_To LILY, drearily._] I say, Lil.
+
+LILY.
+
+What?
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+How much did you make out of rubber last year through Lal?
+
+LILY.
+
+Rubber, rubber, rubber? Br-r-r-rh! I don't know. [_To ROPER._] How
+much?
+
+ROPER.
+
+Four-fifty.
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+There!
+
+LILY.
+
+I did my house up with it-- gave the job to young Charlie Ramsden
+who's gone in for decorating----
+
+ROPER.
+
+Yes, and blued the whole lot at one go!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Laughing._] Blued it completely. Ha, ha, ha! [_Singing._] "What does
+the blue sea Whisper to me-ee--!" [_FARNCOMBE appears at her side with
+the waiter carrying the ices._] Ices!
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Leaving GABRIELLE and, with his hands in his pockets, walking about
+exultingly._] Ices, sweets or chocolates, full piano-score! Hul-lo,
+here! Ha, ha, ha!
+
+  [_GLYNN and OLGA and DE CASTRO and EVANGELINE have entered at the
+  right-hand door at the back. OLGA and EVANGELINE seat themselves upon
+  the further settee in the centre and GLYNN and DE CASTRO summon a
+  waiter to attend upon them. SHIRLEY and FLO now enter at the door on
+  the left and go to the counter. At the same moment SMYTHE, COOLING,
+  and TAVISH enter at the right-hand door at the back, SMYTHE smoking a
+  huge cigar. They also stand at the counter and are served with drinks
+  by LUIGI. LILY and GABRIELLE having each taken an ice, the waiter with
+  the ices moves away and offers his ices to the other ladies. Another
+  waiter carries round a tray on which are a box of cigarettes and the
+  spirit-lamp, and the bearded waiter moves about with the dish of
+  sandwiches. Some of the ladies light cigarettes, a few of the men take
+  sandwiches._
+
+COOLING.
+
+[_As he enters with SMYTHE and TAVISH._] Haw, haw, haw! You're
+wonderful, Chief. [_To TAVISH._] The Chief's in great form, Willy.
+[_To STIDULPH._] Colonel, listen to the Chief.
+
+MRS. STIDULPH.
+
+[_To VON RETTENMAYER, confidentially._] Of course, this is strictly
+between ourselves-- though I almost hinted as much to Smythe-- but the
+fact is the Pandora isn't in the least what it _was_, Karl.
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+Noding is what it was, my dear Dolly, and nobody.
+
+MRS. STIDULPH.
+
+[_Fanning herself._] I suppose he can't find the artists; _that's_ it.
+If you don't have the artists--! [_Shutting up her fan._] You
+recollect my "Polly Taggart" in _The Merry Milliner_?
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Stifling a yawn._] Gharming; gharming.
+
+  [_FARNCOMBE is bending over LILY while she is eating her ice and they
+  are talking lightly but intently. GABRIELLE, finding that she is "out
+  of it," rises with a pout and, carrying her plate, joins the ladies
+  and men who are at the fireplace. BLAND enters with JIMMIE at the door
+  on the left._
+
+MRS. STIDULPH.
+
+[_To VON RETTENMAYER._] I hate blowing my own trumpet, but I was
+looking through my press-cuttings only yesterday. _I've_ never seen
+such notices as I had for "Polly Taggart."
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Closing his eyes._] Vavourable?
+
+MRS. STIDULPH.
+
+Favourable! They make me blush to read them. Stupid of me; but they
+make me blush, positively.
+
+  [_JIMMIE comes to LILY, BLAND following her. On her way she sees the
+  handkerchief and powder-puff lying upon the floor._
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+Why, _there_ it is! [_Picking up the handkerchief and puff, and
+rubbing the puff, which is an extremely ragged one, over her nose--
+singing sentimentally._] "There are no friends like the old friends,
+The constant, tried, and true;--" [_Sitting beside LILY._] Room for a
+little 'un?
+
+  [_LILY, without interrupting her talk with FARNCOMBE, lays her hand on
+  JIMMIE'S for a moment._
+
+BLAND.
+
+[_To JIMMIE._] Bring you anything?
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Wrapping the puff in the handkerchief tenderly and slipping it into
+her bosom._] A liqueur of petrol and a lucifer-match.
+
+BLAND.
+
+[_Leaving her._] Oh, go on!
+
+MRS. STIDULPH.
+
+[_To VON RETTENMAYER._] And then to give it all up, as I was idiot
+enough to do when I married, and for a life as dull as ditch-water! If
+ever a woman sacrificed herself in this world----!
+
+  [_FULKERSON and DAPHNE enter at the door on the left and hurry to the
+  counter._
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+[_Boisterously._] Time! Time! [_To those standing at the counter._]
+'Low me. 'Low me. [_To LUIGI._] Glass o' lemonade and a
+whiskey-and-soda. Quick with the whiskey-and-soda.
+
+MRS. STIDULPH.
+
+[_To VON RETTENMAYER._] But I don't intend to stick to _that_
+arrangement. If I can't get back into the theatres, there are the
+halls! I was telling the Colonel this morning----
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Appearing before MRS. STIDULPH, his programme in his hand._] Ours,
+Dolly.
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Rising with alacrity._] Aha! [_Bowing to MRS. STIDULPH._] I yield
+with relugtance.
+
+  [_ROPER sits beside MRS. STIDULPH and VON RETTENMAYER hastens to
+  ENID._
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_To MRS. STIDULPH._] Another waltz.
+
+DAPHNE.
+
+[_To HENEAGE, who is claiming her._] Wait till I've finished my drink,
+Stewie.
+
+BLAND.
+
+[_To NITA._] Nita.
+
+NITA.
+
+No; this is with Douglas.
+
+BLAND.
+
+Nothing o' the sort.
+
+NITA.
+
+[_Referring to her programme._] You're correct; my mistake.
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+[_Coming to GABRIELLE who is talking to SYBIL._] Gabth.
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+[_Dolefully._] Oh, you again!
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+[_Mortified._] Afraid tho.
+
+  [_The sound of distant music is again heard, and there is a great deal
+  of bustle as the men claim their partners. TAVISH goes to EVANGELINE,
+  GRIMWOOD to, FLO, PALK and GLYNN to OLGA and SYBIL, and gradually the
+  assemblage melts away._
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+[_Coming to JIMMIE, who is conning her programme, and standing before
+her-- reading from his programme._] "_Vawlse. Cry dee cure._"
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_With withering accuracy._] "_Valse. Cri de coeur._"
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+[_Wagging his head._] Very likely. Come along, Jimmie.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Rising and shaking herself out._] Jane to you, _if_ you please.
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+Tosh!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+I was christened Jane, _Herbert_.
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+Well, I wasn't at the christening, see.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+No; but if you are not more careful of those feet of yours while
+you're waltzing, you _will_ be at my funeral.
+
+  [_She takes his arm and they go out at the door on the left. SMYTHE,
+  STIDULPH, COOLING, and SHIRLEY follow, talking together. All the
+  couples have now disappeared except VON RETTENMAYER and ENID and
+  FARNCOMBE and LILY. VON RETTENMAYER and ENID are at the counter, where
+  LUIGI is giving VON RETTENMAYER a glass of champagne, and the waiters
+  are busying themselves in collecting the soiled glasses, plates, etc.,
+  which have been left upon the mantel-piece and chairs. The bearded
+  waiter comes to LILY and she hands him her plate._
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_To LILY._] Shall we go down?
+
+  [_She rises, leaving her bouquet upon the settee, and is about to put
+  her arm through FARNCOMBE'S when she checks herself and looks at her
+  programme._
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Frowning._] Tsss!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Eh?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_In a low voice._] One, two, three, four--! Why, this-- this is our
+fifth dance!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Softly._] Yes.
+
+LILY.
+
+Five out of eight!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Looking at his programme._] And 10, 12, and 14 are mine, too.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_With a movement of her shoulders, accepting his arm._] How unfair!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_As they go to the right-hand door at the back._] Unfair?
+
+LILY.
+
+To the others. I can't think what made me so thoughtless.
+
+  [_They disappear. Two of the waiters carry out the soiled glasses,
+  etc.; another follows with the ices, and the bearded waiter with the
+  strawberries-and-cream. After a while, LUIGI also withdraws._
+
+ENID.
+
+[_Leaving the counter with VON RETTENMAYER._] Well, what did you say
+to him?
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+I told him the biece wants lifding in the zecond aggd and that he
+ought to gif you anoder dance.
+
+ENID.
+
+[_On the right._] What did _he_ say?
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+He will think it over!
+
+ENID.
+
+[_Scornfully._] Ha! That's Smythe's invariable formula, cunning old
+fox!
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+But we are to dalk aboud it lader. I am waiding to ged him alone.
+
+ENID.
+
+Pff! _You_ won't get him alone, you stupid; _he'll_ take precious good
+care of that. [_Finding that LUIGI and the waiters have departed, and
+walking across to the left._] Ah, but it isn't dancing my mind's
+dwelling on just now, dear boy.
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Following her._] Nod?
+
+ENID.
+
+It's rest I'm yearning for-- my holiday!-- rest for my weary bones.
+[_Turning to him without a sign of disturbance._] Karl, I'm simply
+bursting with rage.
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+Rage?
+
+ENID.
+
+That wretched hotel at Ostend-- the Plage! They've the confounded
+impudence to ask me a hundred-and-twenty-five francs a day for two
+cubby-holes on the third floor, for my aunt and me.
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+Monsdrous. [_With a shrug._] But Ostend is-- Ostend.
+
+ENID.
+
+Thanks for the information. Is that all the sympathy you can offer?
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+Bardon. [_Humbly._] There may be gheaper hodels.
+
+ENID.
+
+Where the common people pay for their beds and meals with Cook's
+coupons! [_Sitting upon the arm of the further settee in the centre
+and swinging her feet._] Oh, it doesn't matter. I suppose it'll have
+to be Swanage, or some brisk resort of that description. [_Sighing._]
+So be it! [_Humming._] Tra, lal, lal, la----!
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Sitting on the nearer settee in the centre, close to her, with an
+anxious expression._] A hundred-and-twendy-five frangks a day?
+
+ENID.
+
+Including nothing-- absolutely nothing!
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Biting his nails._] Prezisely! There's the eading and dringking.
+
+ENID.
+
+One can't starve, that's certain.
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+Which would amound to----?
+
+ENID.
+
+[_Watching him out of the corner of her eye._] I believe aunt and I
+could manage to feed ourselves on forty francs a day-- or fifty-- at a
+pinch.
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_His face growing longer and longer._] A hundred-and-twendy-five--
+and fifdy----
+
+ENID.
+
+A hundred-and-seventy-five. [_Stroking his hair with a finger._] Call
+it two hundred.
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Leaning back appalled._] Fifdy-sigs bounds a weeg!
+
+ENID.
+
+Sixty, in round figures.
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+For a fordnight?
+
+ENID.
+
+Oh, no, dear; a fortnight's no use.
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+But one begomes sig of a blace afder a fordnight.
+
+ENID.
+
+If you only go for enjoyment; not if you go for rest-- rest.
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+Three weegs, then?
+
+ENID.
+
+A month. Smythe gives me the whole of August.
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Passing his hand across his forehead._] A month!
+
+ENID.
+
+[_Rising and carefully picking a piece of fluff from her skirt._]
+We're losing this dance. Shall we have a turn?
+
+  [_He gets to his feet with some difficulty and then faces her._
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Breathing heavily._] Enid----
+
+ENID.
+
+[_Guilelessly._] Yes?
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Putting his heels together and bowing to her._] If you would permid
+me to be your bangker during your sday at Ostend-- four weegs----
+
+ENID.
+
+Karl----
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+I should be mosd gradified.
+
+ENID.
+
+[_Going to him._] I couldn't. Such an obligation!
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Bowing again._] On my side.
+
+ENID.
+
+[_Giving him her hands._] Of course, I'd defray my travelling
+expenses, and tips and incidentals----
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Raising her hands to his lips._] Ah!----
+
+ENID.
+
+Not a penny of those should fall on you. [_Withdrawing her hands
+quickly and backing away from him._] H'sh!
+
+  [_STIDULPH enters at the door on the left and again wanders to the
+  counter._
+
+STIDULPH.
+
+[_Taking another cigarette._] You're missing a very pretty waltz, Miss
+Moncreiff.
+
+ENID.
+
+[_Going to the door on the left, VON RETTENMAYER following her._]
+I was just saying so to the Baron.
+
+  [_ENID and VON RETTENMAYER disappear. STIDULPH lights his cigarette
+  and is leaving the counter when GABRIELLE and DE CASTRO enter at the
+  right-hand door at the back, DE CASTRO looking exceedingly sulky._
+
+STIDULPH.
+
+[_To GABRIELLE and DE CASTRO._] Ah, Miss Kato; ah, Sam! A pleasant
+party, eh?
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+[_Shortly._] Yeth. [_STIDULPH goes out at the right-hand door at the
+back. DE CASTRO crosses to the left and then turns to GABRIELLE._] Dam
+pleathant party!
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+[_Dolefully._] Well, don't make a scene.
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+Thene! _I'm_ not makin' a thene. Walkin' away from me in the middle of
+a danthe and leavin' me thtandin' thtarin' after you like a detherted
+child! _You're_ makin' the thene!
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+I'm very sorry.
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+I'm jutht ath good a waltzther ath anyone here, and better than motht.
+[_Waving his arms._] If you're tired of me, announthe the fact
+quietly. Don't go and wipe your bootth on me in public, becauthe that
+hurtth my pride.
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+[_With a little twist of her body._] I can't do more than apologise.
+First time I've ever done _that_ to a man.
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+[_Coming to her, mollified._] I don't athk it, Gabth; I don't athk it.
+All I athk----
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+[_Sitting on the nearer settee in the centre._] If I'm rude, it's
+owing to my low spirits. I'm so shockingly low-spirited.
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+I know you are, and I make allowanthes for yer. I repeat, all I
+athk----
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+[_Gazing at vacancy._] Mine's a strange nature. _On_ the stage, I'm
+liveliness itself----!
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+A perfect little lump o' talent! I've been tellin' Carlton tho--
+perthuadin' him to introduthe an extra thong for you in Act Two.
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+[_Looking at DE CASTRO._] You have?
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+Yeth.
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+Did he promise to think it over?
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+Hith exthact wordth!
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+[_With a hollow laugh._] Ha, ha, ha! [_Resuming her former attitude._]
+As I was remarking, I'm a mass of inconsistency. _On_ the stage the
+embodiment of elfish fun----
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+That wath in the _Mail_.
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+[_Nodding._] In the _Mail_. _Off_ the stage, I'm a sufferer from
+what's called the artistic temperature-- no-- temperament----
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+[_Uncomfortably, patting her shoulder._] Po' little girl; po' little
+girl!
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+[_Her melancholy increasing._] Sometimes I've an idea that if I had a
+motor-car of my _own_ I should feel easier and happier.
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+[_With a change of tone._] What d'ye mean-- motor-car of yer own?
+Mine'th alwayth at your dithpothal, ithn't it?
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+[_Shaking her head._] That's not the same thing. Whenever I have yours
+out, I'm weighed down by a sense of borrowing.
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+Well, if I gave you a new car, you'd be weighed down by a thenthe of
+my havin' paid for it.
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+At first I should, but not for long. Seeing my family crest on the
+door-panels, instead of your monogram, 'ud help me to forget you'd had
+anything to do with it. [_Gloomily._] Of course, it 'ud only be an
+experiment. It might cheer me up, or it mightn't.
+
+  [_The music ceases. A waiter carrying a tray enters at the door on the
+  left, goes behind the counter, and mixes some drinks._
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+[_After a pause, loosening his collar-- in a low voice._] Here! We'd
+better dithcuth thith experiment. [_Glancing over his shoulder at the
+waiter._] Let'th come and thit in the pit.
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+[_Rising._] I can't argue; my head's too bad for that.
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+[_Leading her to the double-door._] I don't want to argue; I thimply
+want to arrive at an underthtandin'. Thuppothin' I buy you a car, am I
+to be made an arth of at the nexth danthe we happen to meet at-- yeth
+or no?----
+
+  [_They go out on to the landing and disappear as FULKERSON hurries in
+  at the right-hand door at the back. His eyes are rather glassy and his
+  utterance is a little thick._
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+[_To the waiter, joining him behind the counter._] Hi! Wake up, there!
+Gla'sodawa'erf'misspirch'nth'stage. [_Distinctly._] Misspirch-- on
+th'stage-- gla'-- sodawa'er. I'll have a whiskey. Wh'sthwhiskey?
+Which-- is-- the-- whiskey? Than'g. [_Pouring some whiskey into a
+tumbler._] You take sodaw'er t' Misspirch; I'll mix m'own whiskey.
+Loo' sharp, sodaw'er Misspirch. [_The waiter goes out with the drinks
+and FULKERSON, glass in hand, comes to the nearer side of the counter.
+He swallows his drink greedily, singing to himself between the
+gulps._] "Oh, the gals! Oh, the gals! I am awfully fond of the gals!
+[_Putting his empty glass upon the counter and making for the door on
+the left._] Be they ebon or blond, Of the gals I am fond; I am
+_dreadfully_ fond of the gals!"
+
+  [_He vanishes as FARNCOMBE and LILY enter at the right-hand door at
+  the back. There is an air of constraint and uneasiness about the girl.
+  She comes to the nearer settee in the centre and again picks up her
+  bouquet. FARNCOMBE follows her. They talk in subdued voices and with
+  frequent pauses._
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Another ice?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Rearranging a rose, almost inaudibly._] No, thanks.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_After a pause._] I-- I wish I had given you a bouquet instead of a
+big, ugly basket.
+
+LILY.
+
+Why?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+You-- you might have brought it to the theatre, as you have that one,
+and carried it about with you.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Coldly._] I didn't bring this to the theatre.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+No?
+
+LILY.
+
+I found it with a lot of other flowers at the stage-door. It's from
+the gallery boys-- [_looking at him for a moment steadily_]-- and I
+attach some value to it.
+
+  [_The bearded waiter enters at the right-hand door at the back, takes
+  a box of cigars from the counter, and goes out at the door on the
+  left. LILY walks away from FARNCOMBE and seats herself upon the
+  further settee in the centre._
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_After the waiter has withdrawn, producing his programme._] Number
+Nine. "_Two Step. Mind the Paint._" [_To LILY._] Of course, you-- you
+are engaged for this?
+
+LILY.
+
+And you, surely?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+No, I-- I kept it open, in case-- in case----
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Decidedly._] I dance it with Morrie.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Mr. Cooling?
+
+LILY.
+
+Morrie Cooling.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_After another pause, sitting, behind her, upon the nearer settee._]
+Miss Parradell.
+
+LILY.
+
+Well?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+I wonder whether Mr. Cooling would let you off.
+
+LILY.
+
+I shouldn't dream of asking him.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+No, but-- may _I_?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Haughtily._] I beg you'll do nothing of the sort.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Forgive me.
+
+  [_There is a further pause and then she turns to him._
+
+LILY.
+
+Why I spoke so-- so sharply to you-- was----
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+You didn't speak sharply to me.
+
+LILY.
+
+Was because I've been very nasty with Morrie-- wrote him a furious
+letter-- and I want to make it up to him.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Ah, yes.
+
+LILY.
+
+I called him a pig, and other things; I hate myself for it.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+A pig?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Smiling._] Still, that's no reason why I should be nasty with _you_.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Laughingly._] And call _me_ a pig.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Impulsively, kneeling upon the settee so that she may compare her
+programme with his._] Look here! Fifteen-- the last but one. Are you
+fixed up for Fifteen?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+No.
+
+LILY.
+
+No!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+I kept it open-- in case----
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Merrily._] Ha, ha--! [_Checking herself, severely._] I _might_ be
+able to give you Fifteen. [_FARNCOMBE scribbles on his programme
+eagerly._] Don't count on it, please; but it's booked to Mr.
+Fulkerson, and Bertie's not always to be depended upon at that hour.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Thank you-- thank you-- thank you. [_She resumes her seat and he jumps
+up and goes to her._] That reminds me. May I ask who is going to see
+you home, Miss Parradell?
+
+LILY.
+
+See me home?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+It would be an honour that I should-- appreciate-- more than I can--
+find words to express.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Rising, sternly._] I am very much obliged to you. [_Walking away
+from him again._] I dare say Mr. Roper will see me home-- and Mr. de
+Castro-- and Mr. Bland----
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Following her, unhappily._] I-- I hope-- I-- I hope I haven't
+offended you.
+
+LILY.
+
+Not in the least; [_in a frigid tone_] only I am in the habit of
+relying on old friends for those little services.
+
+  [_STIDULPH enters from the landing and again wanders to the counter
+  and to the cigarettes. The "Mind the Paint" air, to the time of a Two
+  Step, is played in the distance._
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Bowing to LILY slightly and drawing himself up._] Shall I-- take you
+to Mr. Cooling?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_With dignity, inclining her head._] Will you? [_She is putting her
+hand through his arm when the look upon his face softens her. She
+drops her voice to a whisper._] Have I hurt you?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Oh, I deserve the rebuke.
+
+LILY.
+
+No, you don't. [_Gently._] You may leave me at my door, with the
+others, if it will give you any satisfaction.
+
+  [_As they walk to the door on the left, they are met by COOLING._
+
+COOLING.
+
+[_To LILY, breathlessly._] Haw! Here you are!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Leaving FARNCOMBE, her manner altering completely._] Come on,
+Morrie! [_Her feet moving to the music._] Tra, lal, la! Tra, lal, la!
+[_Giving her bouquet to FARNCOMBE._] Hi-i-i-i-i! Bring my flowers!
+
+COOLING AND LILY.
+
+Tra, lal, la! Tra, lal, la----!
+
+  [_They run out, half dancing._
+
+STIDULPH.
+
+[_Calling to FARNCOMBE, who is following them._] Lord Farncombe!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Yes?
+
+STIDULPH.
+
+[_Going to him._] Will you spare me a moment?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_A little impatiently._] Er-- certainly.
+
+STIDULPH.
+
+[_Laying a shaky hand on FARNCOMBE'S arm and leading him away from the
+door._] Excuse me for what I'm going to say to you. I-- I know your
+father-- knew him very well years ago-- and your mother. [_With deep
+feeling._] My boy-- my dear boy----
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Surprised._] Colonel?
+
+STIDULPH.
+
+I-- I-- I'm sorry to find you in this set.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Stiffly._] What do you mean?
+
+STIDULPH.
+
+Don't be angry with me. I'm an old man-- and an old fool; but it's
+from the fools that the useful lessons are to be learned.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Withdrawing his arm from STIDULPH._] I really don't understand you.
+
+STIDULPH.
+
+Try to. Not now-- another time; when this music isn't exciting you,
+nor these pretty women. Think it out by yourself! You're at the
+beginning of your career, my boy. Remember me-- the old fool who's
+brought _his_ to a miserable end-- and that I cautioned you--
+cautioned you--!
+
+  [_LUIGI hurries in at the door on the left, followed by a waiter
+  carrying a tray, and by the waiter with the beard._
+
+LUIGI.
+
+[_Laughing._] He, he, he, he! [_Behind the counter, preparing
+drinks._] Look out, gentlemen; you are losing it all. They are having
+a romp-- a fine lark. [_FARNCOMBE goes out at the door on the left._]
+Make haste, Colonel; make haste! [_STIDULPH goes out, slowly, at the
+right-hand door at the back._] Whiskey-and-soda for Mr. Tavish;
+liqueur of brandy-- Mr. Grimwood. [_The waiter carrying the tray goes
+out with the drinks at the door on the left._] Ha, ha, ha! [_Singing
+to the music._] Tra, lal, la! Tra, lal, la----!
+
+  [_LUIGI is following the waiter who has carried out the tray when the
+  bearded waiter, coming to the nearer settee in the centre, calls to
+  him._
+
+THE BEARDED WAITER.
+
+[_Sitting upon the settee, gruffly._] Luigi.
+
+LUIGI.
+
+[_Halting._] Eh?
+
+THE BEARDED WAITER.
+
+[_Taking out a handful of money and selecting some gold from it._]
+Here! [_Putting the gold into LUIGI'S palm._] For your chaps.
+
+LUIGI.
+
+Oh, you are spoiling them.
+
+THE BEARDED WAITER.
+
+[_Giving some more gold pieces to LUIGI._] For you.
+
+LUIGI.
+
+[_Bowing low._] Thank you very much. [_With a polite grin, as he
+disposes of the coins in different pockets._] Hope you have enjoyed
+yourself, Captain.
+
+THE BEARDED WAITER.
+
+[_Speaking in the voice of JEYES._] Thoroughly. [_Quietly, between his
+teeth._] Warm work, though! [_Rising slowly, like a man with stiff
+joints._] I'll be off now, with your permission.
+
+LUIGI.
+
+See you at lunch, Captain?
+
+JEYES.
+
+Probably. [_Nodding._] Good-night. Good morning. [_He slouches away to
+the door on the left and there stops, listening. There is the sound of
+people approaching, singing uproariously and shouting and laughing._]
+Hullo!
+
+LUIGI.
+
+[_At his elbow._] Ho, ho, ho, ho!
+
+  [_LUIGI goes out into the corridor and JEYES retreats behind the
+  counter. The noise increases and presently FULKERSON rushes in,
+  flourishing his arms madly. He is followed by GLYNN and SHIRLEY who
+  are carrying LILY upon their interlocked hands, and by PALK who is
+  helping to support her. Then come HENEAGE and NITA, GRIMWOOD and
+  DAPHNE, TAVISH and FLO, VON RETTENMAYER and ENID, DE CASTRO and
+  GABRIELLE, ROPER and MRS. STIDULPH, FARNCOMBE and JIMMIE, BLAND and
+  EVANGELINE, COOLING and SYBIL, and SMYTHE and OLGA. Singing the chorus
+  of the "Mind the Paint" song, and dancing to it wildly, they circle
+  the saloon twice, go out at the right-hand door at the back, return at
+  the door on the left, and finally disappear through the double-door
+  and along the landing. The waiters, who have brought up the rear of
+  the procession, gather, with LUIGI, in the left-hand corner, clapping
+  their hands, and STIDULPH returns, entering at the right-hand door at
+  the back._
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Waving her bouquet and shrieking with laughter._] Ha, ha, ha, ha!
+Don't drop me! Don't drop me!
+
+HENEAGE AND GRIMWOOD.
+
+[_Yelling._] Whoop! Whoop!
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+[_Deliriously, endeavouring to stand upon his head._] Wh-o-o-op!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Breaking from the rank and jumping on to the further settee--
+singing._] "Mind the paint! Mind the paint! A girl is not a sinner
+just because she's not a saint!----"
+
+LILY.
+
+Ha, ha, ha! You'll drop me! Oh----!
+
+  [_As the procession passes out of sight, followed by LUIGI and the
+  waiters, JEYES departs at the door on the left and STIDULPH once more
+  goes to the counter and lights a cigarette._
+
+  END OF THE SECOND ACT.
+
+
+
+
+  THE THIRD ACT
+
+
+_The scene is LILY'S boudoir-- a room upon the second floor of her
+house, adjoining her bedroom. The decorations, though delicate, are
+gay, with a good deal of pink in them._
+
+_In the wall facing the spectator are two doors, one on the left, the
+other in the centre. The left-hand door opens into the room from the
+landing, where the staircase is shown; the centre door admits to the
+bedroom. In the right-hand wall there are two sash-windows giving a
+view of the tops of trees growing in a square; in the opposite wall,
+the grate hidden by a low, painted screen, is the fireplace._
+
+_A prettily designed "fitment" runs along the left-hand wall and the
+further wall, taking in the fireplace and doors as part of its scheme.
+On either side of the fireplace there is a cupboard with drawers
+beneath it; between the door on the left and the door in the centre is
+a similar cupboard; and on the right of the centre door, extending to
+the right-hand wall, there is a wardrobe with sliding doors. The
+cupboard doors are glazed and curtained in pink silk._
+
+_In the middle of the room, a little to the right, there is a large
+and comfortable settee, and on the left of the settee is a table
+littered with books, magazines, a scent-atomizer, a small
+silver-framed mirror, a case of manicure instruments, a box of
+cigarettes and a match-stand, and other odds and ends. Behind the
+table there is a fauteuil-stool, and on the right of the table a cosy
+arm-chair. A second arm-chair stands apart, between the table in the
+centre and the fireplace._
+
+_On the extreme left of the room, on the nearer side of the fireplace,
+there is a box-ottoman; on the other side of the room, by the nearer
+window, are a small writing-table and chair; standing across the
+right-hand corner, the key-board towards the further window, are a
+cottage-piano and a music-stool; and at the back of the piano there is
+another small chair, with some soiled gloves upon it._
+
+_A quantity of music is heaped untidily on the top of the piano; one
+of the wardrobe doors is open, revealing some dresses hanging within;
+and the edge of a lace petticoat, with its insertion of coloured
+ribbon, peeps out from under the carelessly-closed lid of the
+box-ottoman. Two milliner's hat-boxes are on the floor by the ottoman,
+and a pair of satin slippers are lying, one here, one there, under the
+centre table._
+
+_The window-blinds are down but the daylight is seen through them._
+
+
+  [_The door on the left opens and LILY, still carrying her bouquet,
+  enters and makes straight for the windows and draws up the blinds,
+  letting in the clear, morning light. She is followed by ENID,
+  GABRIELLE, DAPHNE, and JIMMIE and they by FARNCOMBE, VON RETTENMAYER,
+  DE CASTRO, ROPER, FULKERSON, and BLAND. They are all pale and haggard,
+  and slightly dishevelled, but everybody seems broad awake except
+  DAPHNE, who is borne down by sleepiness. Some of the men are smoking._
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Laying her bouquet upon the table in the centre as she crosses to
+the windows-- to the women._] Come in, dears; [_drawing up the blind
+of the nearer window_] come in, boys. Take off your things for a
+minute.
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+[_Whose inebriety has reached the argumentative stage._] Working
+classhes! Don' talk t' me 'bout th' working classhes!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+H'sh! Shut up, Bertie.
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+I'm s'h'ick o' th' ve'y mention o' th' name-- working classhes!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+Sit on his head, somebody. We shall wake Ma and the servants.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Taking off her wrap and hanging it up in the wardrobe._] Don't
+worry; you won't wake _my_ servants. And mother's bound to hear us;
+she sleeps so lightly when I'm out.
+
+DAPHNE.
+
+[_Gaping violently._] Oh-h-h-h!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Clapping her hand over DAPHNE'S mouth._] Manners!
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+[_Depositing his overcoat and hat upon the fauteuil-stool._] One 'ud
+'magine th' working-man'sh th' on'y pershon who ever does day'sh work!
+Ridiculush!
+
+VON RETTENMAYER AND BLAND.
+
+Ha, ha, ha, ha!
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+Thome truth in what Bertie'th thayin', though. For inthtanthe----
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+[_With great disgust._] Br'ish working-man!
+
+ROPER.
+
+By Jove, yes! When I think o' the work Mr. Lionel Hesketh Roper
+manages to dispose of in the course of a day----!
+
+  [_VON RETTENMAYER and DE CASTRO have placed their overcoats and hats
+  upon the chair at the back of the piano and FARNCOMBE, BLAND, and
+  ROPER have piled theirs on the arm-chair on the left. ENID and
+  GABRIELLE throw their wraps upon the settee, DAPHNE drops hers upon
+  the box-ottoman, and JIMMIE puts hers over the arm of the chair by the
+  centre table._
+
+LILY.
+
+[_To everybody._] I'll just run upstairs and tell mother that all's
+serene. [_She goes to the door on the left; FARNCOMBE, BLAND, and
+ROPER get in each other's way in their desire to open it for her._] If
+any of you want a drink, you must hunt for it yourselves in the
+dining-room. [_To ROPER._] You play host, Uncle Lal.
+
+  [_She disappears, turning to the left and ascending the stairs._
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Briskly._] Now, then, give your orders, gents! [_Coming forward._]
+Ladies, don't all speak at once.
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+[_Making for the door._] I'll have sma' whiskeyan' soda.
+
+  [_He goes along the landing and down the stairs._
+
+BLAND.
+
+[_Following him._] No, no! Bertie! Bertie----!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Seated in the arm-chair by the centre table-- to ROPER._] Stop it.
+We'll have trouble enough to get that boy home as it is.
+
+  [_ROPER hurries out after BLAND and FULKERSON. VON RETTENMAYER and DE
+  CASTRO also move to the door._
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_To ENID, who is sitting with GABRIELLE on the settee._] Enid----?
+
+ENID.
+
+A glass of soda-water.
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+Same for me, Von.
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_To JIMMIE._] Jimmie----?
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+No, thanks.
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Looking down upon DAPHNE, who has curled herself up on the
+box-ottoman and is already asleep-- sentimentally._] Baby-- baby----
+
+DAPHNE.
+
+[_Half sighing, half moaning._] Ah-h-h-h!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_To VON RETTENMAYER._] Don't disturb her. Let her have her snooze in
+peace.
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Still contemplating DAPHNE._] Shall I bring you your boddle, you
+preddy liddle baby?
+
+ENID.
+
+[_Annoyed._] Don't be an idiot, Karl. [_To DE CASTRO, who is talking
+to FARNCOMBE._] Sam, will _you_ fetch me some soda-water?
+
+VON RETTENMAYER. [_To ENID, bestirring himself._] I beg bardon.
+
+  [_He goes out, with DE CASTRO. ENID has taken the mirror from the
+  table and now looks at herself in it._
+
+ENID.
+
+What a sight! [_To GABRIELLE._] I wonder whether Lil would mind me
+going into her bedroom?
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+[_Taking the mirror from ENID._] Of course she wouldn't. [_Viewing
+herself with dismay._] Oh, I'm yellower than you!
+
+  [_She jumps up, throwing the mirror upon the settee, and goes to the
+  door in the centre. ENID follows her and the two girls open the door
+  narrowly and withdraw. JIMMIE rises and picks up the mirror._
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_With one knee upon the settee, surveying herself._] Ugh, you lovely
+creature! [_Glancing at FARNCOMBE as she readjusts a comb, and finding
+that he is gazing at her earnestly._] Turn your face to the wall,
+please; I'm about to use my puff.
+
+  [_Suddenly, with rapid movements, he shuts the door on the left, gives
+  a quick look at DAPHNE, assures himself that the centre door is
+  closed, and comes to JIMMIE. She stares at him in astonishment._
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Standing at the back of the settee-- in a low voice._] Miss Birch,
+you're Miss Parradell's friend-- her great friend. Will you be a
+friend of mine too, and do me a service?
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Startled._] It-- it all depends----
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Beg her to allow me to remain behind, with you, for a few minutes
+after the others have gone.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+Remain-- you and I?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+And then, if she will, will you wait in the next room while I speak to
+her? Miss Birch, I-- I must speak to her.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+W-w-wouldn't-- to-morrow----?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+It _is_ to-morrow _now_. It's day.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Dropping her eyes._] She's tired.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Five minutes-- no longer. [_Entreatingly._] Won't you try to arrange
+it for me?
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Pursing her lips._] H'm! _I'd_ stay; delighted. [_Demurely._] It
+doesn't matter how tired _I_ feel.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Contritely._] I'm a brute!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+But I really think the _arranging_ is your job, Lord Farncombe.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+I know I should make a bungle of it with all these people round me,
+and attract attention. _You're_ clever.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Raising her eyes to his, abruptly._] Look here! Do I guess
+correctly?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+What----?
+
+  [_She pulls him towards her and whispers into his ear. He nods. She
+  whispers again, breathlessly, and then releases him._
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+Eh? Eh?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Drawing back and facing her, firmly._] Yes.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Walking away, in a flutter._] Oh! Oh! Oh!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+You'll help me? [_She pauses, deliberating._] You'll help me?
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Returning to him, with an air of prudence._] I tell you what I
+_will_ do. [_Pointing to the writing-table._] Scribble her a note--
+a line-- and I'll give it to her. That won't attract attention. I've
+no objection to do _that_ for you. Hurry up! [_He sits at the
+writing-table and searches for writing materials._] In the drawer.
+[_He opens a drawer and takes out a sheet of note-paper. Standing at
+the other side of the table, she selects a pen and hands it to him._]
+A "J" suit you?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Taking the pen from her._] What shall I say?
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+Ho, ho! Well, I _never_! [_He writes._] Oh, but it isn't exactly a
+love-letter, is it? Simply say-- what was the expression you used just
+now?-- "will you allow me to remain behind for a few minutes with Miss
+Birch after the others have gone?"
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Writing._] Thank you.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_With a little wriggle._] Call me Jimmie if you like.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Thank you.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Knitting her brow thoughtfully._] I suppose you ought to give her an
+inkling, though-- the merest hint-- of the _reason_, oughtn't you?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Looking up._] Ought I?
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+Well, you don't want her to think it's only to chat about the
+weather----!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+For heaven's sake, don't chaff me! [_writing_] "--after the others
+have gone?" [_Biting his pen._] How would this do? "I know I am
+presuming a lot, but I-- I can't leave you-- I can't leave you till
+I-- till I have asked you-- till I have asked you the most important
+question a man can put to a woman."
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+Oh, but that's ideal! [_GABRIELLE reappears._] Dash these girls! [_To
+GABRIELLE, whose complexion is much improved._] Lord Farncombe is
+writing me out a remedy for freckles. Isn't it sweet of him?
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+[_Mournfully._] Freckles! If you want to see a martyr to freckles,
+knock at _my_ door.
+
+  [_ENID returns, with lips that are a little too red, as VON
+  RETTENMAYER and DE CASTRO re-enter at the door on the left. They leave
+  the door open. VON RETTENMAYER is carrying a syphon of soda-water and
+  DE CASTRO two tumblers. The men put the syphon and tumblers on the
+  centre table and VON RETTENMAYER fills the glasses and he and DE
+  CASTRO hand them to ENID and GABRIELLE._
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_To ENID and GABRIELLE._] I hobe we haf nod kepd you waiding.
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+Bertie'th been makin' himthelf a reg'lar nuithanthe downthairth.
+
+ENID.
+
+Poor Bertie! Pity he has this little failing.
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+[_With mild enthusiasm._] Yes, there's not a nicer boy in London than
+Bertie, bar that.
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+Flieth to hith head tho!
+
+  [_The four continue talking. JIMMIE has gone back to FARNCOMBE, who is
+  still writing, and is watching him impatiently._
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_To FARNCOMBE, under her breath._] Do be quick!
+
+  [_Hastily he blots his note and folds it. BLAND, FULKERSON, and ROPER
+  appear on the landing, issuing from the staircase, and there they are
+  joined by LILY, who comes down the stairs._
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+[_On the landing, to LILY, indignantly._] Lirry-- Misspa'dell----
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_To FARNCOMBE._] Here she is!
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_To FULKERSON._] Now, then; have it out with Lily!
+
+LILY.
+
+What's wrong?
+
+  [_FARNCOMBE rises and slips his note into JIMMIE'S hand._
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+[_To LILY._] Mosht unjusht'fiable treatmen' 'n th' part 'f these
+gen'lemen!
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Listening, with the others at the centre table, to what is going on
+upon the landing._] Ha, ha, ha, ha!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_To FARNCOMBE, over her shoulder._] Good luck!
+
+BLAND.
+
+[_To LILY._] The youth is irate with us for cutting off supplies.
+
+  [_LILY enters with FULKERSON; ROPER and BLAND following. BLAND strolls
+  over to the piano, laughing._
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+[_To LILY._] M' argumen' is this. When a gen'leman'sh invited b' th'
+lady 'f th' house t' partake 'f refreshmen'----
+
+LILY.
+
+[_To FULKERSON._] Be quiet, Bertie, or I'll box your ears. [_Joining
+the group at the centre table._] Ho, ho! I've had such a wigging for
+asking you up. Mother says we girls'll look as ugly as sin on the
+stage to-night.
+
+ENID.
+
+So we shall-- hags.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Sitting in the arm-chair by the centre table._] I feel as fresh as
+paint. [_To GABRIELLE._] Give me a sip.
+
+  [_DE CASTRO hands GABRIELLE'S glass to LILY._
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+[_Gazing at DAPHNE stupidly and singing to himself._] "Oh, the gals!
+Oh, the gals! I am awfully fond of the gals!----"
+
+VON RETTENMAYER, ROPER, DE CASTRO, ENID AND GABRIELLE.
+
+[_Chiming in with FULKERSON lightly._] "Be they ebon or blond, Of the
+gals I am fond;----"! Ha, ha, ha, ha!
+
+BLAND.
+
+H'sh, h'sh! Ma's quite right. [_Seating himself at the piano._] One
+more turn and then let's clear out.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Jumping up._] Hurrah! [_To ROPER, as BLAND runs his hands over the
+key-board._] Shut the door, Uncle Lal.
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+Aha! One more durn! [_To ENID._] Enid----!
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+[_Singing._] "I am dreadfully fond of the gals!"
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Closing the door._] Choose your partners, gents! [_Very softly BLAND
+plays the melody of a languorous song and instantly VON RETTENMAYER
+and ENID and DE CASTRO and GABRIELLE dance to it-- VON RETTENMAYER and
+ENID at the back, DE CASTRO and GABRIELLE near the piano._]
+Jimmie----!
+
+  [_JIMMIE passes LILY to go to ROPER. As she does so, she presses
+  FARNCOMBE'S note into LILY'S palm._
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_To LILY, in a whisper._] Rat-tat, says the postman! [_Catching hold
+of ROPER and swinging him round._] La, ra, ral, la----!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_To FARNCOMBE, who is standing by the writing-table._] Lord
+Farncombe----?
+
+  [_FARNCOMBE goes to her and they dance together._
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+[_To DAPHNE, tapping her on the shoulder._] Missdure, may I have th'
+grea' pleasure----? [_Shaking her._] Missdure-- Missdure----
+
+DAPHNE.
+
+[_Starting up._] Oh! [_Looking round wildly._] Oh----!
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+[_Dancing with her._] Pray 'xcuse th' absence 'f gloves.
+
+DAPHNE.
+
+[_Faintly._] Oh! Oh, I-- I thought I'd gone to bed!
+
+  [_With their hands on each other's shoulders, the couples, swaying
+  from side to side, half sing, half murmur, the refrain of the song._
+
+  If you would only, only love me;
+  If you would merely, merely say,
+  Wait but a little, little for me,
+  I will be yours, be yours some day!
+
+  [_The refrain is repeated, the dancers droning to it with a, buzzing
+  sound, and then BLAND returns to the melody._
+
+LILY.
+
+[_As she dances, recollecting the note she is holding and opening
+it._] What's this? [_Reading the note, her arm resting upon
+FARNCOMBE'S shoulder._] "Dear Miss Parradell.... [_glancing at the
+signature_] Farncombe"! [_To FARNCOMBE._] From you!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Yes.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Reading._] "Will you allow me to----?"
+
+  [_She reads to the end silently, and then she stops dancing and they
+  stand for a moment looking confusedly at each other. Then, with an
+  expressionless face, she slips the note into her dress and they dance
+  again, singing the refrain as before._
+
+BLAND.
+
+[_At the finish, shutting down the lid of the piano and rising._]
+Ladies and gentlemen, the festivities connected with Miss Parradell's
+birthday are over. [_Leaving the piano._] Our lives will now resume
+their normal, serious course.
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Regretfully._] Ah-h-h-h!
+
+  [_The ladies put on their wraps, the men their overcoats, and there is
+  a great deal of stir and chatter. DE CASTRO assists GABRIELLE; VON
+  RETTENMAYER, ENID; FULKERSON, DAPHNE; and FARNCOMBE, JIMMIE. LILY
+  joins in the talk and bustle with forced animation. JIMMIE and
+  FARNCOMBE glance at her, and then, inquiringly, at one another._
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Putting on his overcoat with BLAND'S help._] Well, nobody can say
+the affair hasn't been a brilliant success; that's one comfort.
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+Wouldn't be true if they did. [_To DE CASTRO, irritably._] You've got
+it inside-out.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_To ENID and GABRIELLE, kneeling upon the settee._] Ah, yes, haven't
+we had a splendid, splendid time!
+
+ENID.
+
+Splendid!
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+A gharming pardy!
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+Abtholutely A 1!
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Singing._] "Venus, seinen Nacken beut Dir Dein Sklave,
+dienstbereit!"
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Running to ROPER and seizing his hands._] A vote of thanks to Lal
+for his share in getting it up!
+
+BLAND.
+
+[_Slapping ROPER on the back._] Bravo, Lal!
+
+SOME OF THE OTHERS.
+
+Bravo, Lal!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Walking about._] And to Carlton! Bravo, Carlton!
+
+SOME OF THE OTHERS.
+
+Bravo, Carlton! Bravo, Smythe!
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+[_Putting on his overcoat._] Don't forget Morrie Coolin'!
+
+LILY.
+
+No, don't forget Morrie. Dear old Morrie!
+
+SOME OF THE OTHERS.
+
+Bravo, Morrie!
+
+DE CASTRO.
+
+There hathn't been a hitch from thtart to finish, in fact.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_At the nearer side of the table again._] Not a hitch.
+
+FULKERSON.
+
+[_Remembering his grievance._] I beg yo' par'n-- no' a 'itch! [_In
+difficulties with his overcoat._] When a gen'leman'sh invited b' th'
+lady 'f th' house t' partake 'f some refreshmen'----
+
+SOME OF THE OTHERS.
+
+Ha, ha, ha, ha!
+
+GABRIELLE.
+
+[_Coming to LILY and kissing her._] So long, dear.
+
+  [_ENID, DAPHNE, and JIMMIE also come to LILY, who embraces them
+  demonstratively, and the men follow._
+
+LILY.
+
+[_To the girls._] Ta-ta; ta-ta; ta-ta! I won't come down.
+
+ENID.
+
+No, no; we'll let ourselves out. [_Leaving LILY._] Till to-night!
+
+LILY.
+
+Till to-night! [_Shaking hands with the men._] Ta-ta; ta-ta; ta-ta!
+
+THE MEN.
+
+Ta-ta! Ta-ta! Ta-ta!
+
+VON RETTENMAYER.
+
+[_Kissing her hand slyly._] Goddess!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_To BLAND, in a whisper._] Take care of Bertie. [_Everybody moves to
+the door, except LILY who remains standing in the middle of the room.
+Some are on the landing, some in the doorway, when she calls to ROPER
+and JIMMIE._] Uncle Lal! Jimmie! I want to speak to you two for a
+second. [_ROPER and JIMMIE detach themselves from the rest and
+return._] Oh-- and Lord Farncombe! [_FARNCOMBE also returns and LILY,
+passing him, goes on to the landing and mixes with the others._] Be
+off; Lord Farncombe and Lal will look after Jimmie. Vincent, _you_
+close the front-door. No noise! Au revoir, mes enfants! [_She watches
+them descend the stairs and, her manner softening, comes back into the
+room._] Lord Farncombe wants to have a quiet talk with me, Uncle Lal--
+about-- about something, and he's asked me to let him remain behind
+with Jimmie for a few minutes. [_To JIMMIE._] But there's no necessity
+for you to wait, dear.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+Don't consider me.
+
+LILY.
+
+But I do. Go upstairs and tell mother that Lord Farncombe's with me.
+Say I promise he shan't stay long. [_To ROPER._] You'll take Jimmie
+home, won't you, Lal?
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_His eyes bolting._] W-w-with pleasure.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_To JIMMIE._] I shall see you again later in the day, perhaps?
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+Rather! [_Throwing her arms round LILY'S neck and pressing her cheek
+to LILY'S._] Rather! [_To ROPER, significantly._] Sit in the hall till
+I'm ready.
+
+  [_She runs out on to the landing, pausing at the door to bestow a
+  parting nod and a smile upon FARNCOMBE, and ascends the stairs._
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_In a state of great excitement and exhilaration-- to LILY._] Yes,
+yes, I won't keep you and-- [_winking at her and jerking his head in
+FARNCOMBE'S direction_] from your _tete-a-tete_. [_Patting her face
+gleefully._] Ha, ha, ha, ha! [_Taking her hand, his own quivering._]
+Lil, Uncle Lal you call me, but I've always felt more like a parent
+towards you-- acted as such, hey?
+
+LILY.
+
+Y-y-yes, Lal.
+
+ROPER.
+
+And any happiness that befalls you-- any happiness that befalls you--
+[_choking_] I'll leave it there. God bless yer; God bless yer!
+[_bustling over to FARNCOMBE who, his hat in his hand, his overcoat on
+his arm, is standing near the piano_] and God bless _you_, my lad!
+[_incoherently_] I'm proud-- proud to have the honour-- and to have
+been the means of-- the means of-- [_wringing FARNCOMBE'S hand_] God
+bless you both! [_He goes to the door and there finds LILY._] I-- I--
+I-- I'll drop in by-and-by and-- and-- and inquire after you, my pet.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Faintly._] All right, Lal.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Patting her face again._] Ha, ha, ha, ha! [_With a hop._] Wurrr-roo!
+Stand away from the lift; no more passengers this journey!
+
+  [_He waves to FARNCOMBE gaily and departs, closing the door. There is
+  a short silence and then FARNCOMBE places his hat and overcoat upon
+  the chair by the piano and turns to LILY._
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_In a low voice._] It's awfully kind and gracious of you to have
+granted my request, and frightfully selfish of me to have made it.
+I deserve to be kicked.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Slowly advancing to the table in the centre-- avoiding his gaze._]
+Is-- is Jimmie aware of precisely what's in your note?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Y-y-yes. [_Drawing nearer to her._] I hope you won't be angry with me
+for confiding in her. You see, I-- I----
+
+LILY.
+
+[_At the further side of the table, fingering one of the objects upon
+it._] And _she'll_ confide in Uncle Lal. [_Shrugging her shoulders._]
+Oh, but dear old Lal appears to have summed up the situation pretty
+accurately as it is. [_With an artificial little laugh._] Ha, ha, ha!
+Well, I'm afraid they'll be horribly disappointed, poor wretches.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Blankly._] Disap-pointed?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Raising her eyes to his and shaking her head at him._] You-- you
+silly boy!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Coming to her quickly._] Ah, please-- please don't take that tone
+with me. I'm no boy. And I'm simply mad about you. If you don't marry
+me, I-- I-- I'm done for.
+
+LILY.
+
+H'sh! Nonsense; not you!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+It's true. Life'll be over for me from that moment, if you refuse to
+marry me.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Mockingly._] Over!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Oh, love is all on my side at present, naturally; but, as God hears
+me, it'll be no fault of mine if you don't grow to love me in time.
+
+LILY.
+
+Listen----!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+I'll worship you-- worship you. I _do_ worship you!
+
+LILY.
+
+H'sh! Lord Farncombe----
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+_Eddie!_ Won't you?
+
+LILY.
+
+Certainly not.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Do! Eddie! Eddie!
+
+LILY.
+
+Eddie, then----
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Ah----!
+
+LILY.
+
+Sit down a minute. [_She goes to the settee and sits there, somewhat
+ruffled, and he moves to the arm-chair by the centre table and also
+sits, his elbows on his knees, bending towards her. She pushes her
+hair back from her brow impatiently, as if vexed with herself._] Lord
+Farncombe-- Eddie-- for how long have you known me?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+What does it matter? I-- I admit----
+
+LILY.
+
+Reckoning our acquaintance from last week-- from the afternoon Bertie
+brought you here, when we scarcely spoke to one another-- you haven't
+known me for as many days as you can count on your fingers.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+I've watched you-- watched you in the theatre----
+
+LILY.
+
+On the stage! Ho, ho! Oh, you-- but I mustn't call you silly boy
+again, must I! And what do you know _of_ me, apart from the glimpse
+you've had of me off the stage, and my being a shining light at the
+Pandora? What do you know of my-- what's the word?-- origin-- where
+and what I've sprung from; how I was reared; how much education I've
+received; how much I've contrived to pick up of the way to behave in
+_per_lite society? You can judge from poor mother, if from nothing
+else, that I come from humble beginnings. Yes, but _how_ humble you
+couldn't _dream_, [_making a grimace_] not after a supper of raw
+carrots!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Do you think I _care_ how humble your beginnings were! What I do
+know-- what I _am_ sure about-- is that you're good-- and beautiful--
+and-- and-- and gifted-- and-- and-- [_leaning his head on his hands_]
+oh, I can't describe you; you're-- you're-- to me, you're _perfect_.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_After a pause, looking at him with blinking eyelids._] You-- you
+_dear_! [_He raises his head. She changes her tone instantly._]
+_Merci_; yes, perfect, _pour le moment_. Hear my French! [_Taking the
+box of cigarettes from the table._] Have a cigarette? Don't get up.
+[_She tosses him a cigarette and he catches it._] My name's printed on
+them-- "Lily." [_Lighting a cigarette._] Isn't it _chic_!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Producing his cigarette case and exchanging her cigarette for one of
+his own._] I'll never smoke _that_.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Pushing the match-stand towards him._] _Stoo_pid! Now, attend to me.
+What do you say to a tiny provision shop in Kennington, over the
+water?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Was that----?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Nodding._] H'm; that was my start in the world. Father kept a small
+shop in Kennington-- Gladwin Street, near the Oval. We sold groceries,
+and butter and eggs and cheese, and pickled-pork and paraffin. I was
+born there-- on the second floor; and in Gladwin Street I lived till I
+was fourteen. Then father smashed, through the Stores cutting into our
+little trade. Well, hardly smashed; that's too imposing. The business
+just faded, and one morning we didn't bother to take the shutters
+down. Then, after a while, father got a starvation berth-- eighteen
+shillings a week!-- at a wholesale bacon warehouse-- Price and
+Moseley's-- still over the water; and I earned an extra five at a
+place in the Westminster Bridge Road, for pasting the gilt edges on to
+passe-partouts from nine a.m. till six in the evening.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_His head bowed again._] Great heavens!
+
+LILY.
+
+Not a syllable against the passe-partouts! They were the making of me.
+It was the passe-partouts that brought me and Tedder together.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Who?
+
+LILY.
+
+Tedder. In the house where I worked, a man of the name of Tedder--
+Ambrose Tedder-- taught dancing-- stage dancing-- "Tedder's Academy of
+Saltatory Art"-- and every time I passed Tedder's door, and heard his
+violin or piano, and the sound of the pupils' feet, I--! [_Breaking
+off and throwing herself back._] Oh, lor', if once I----!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Go on; go on.
+
+LILY.
+
+Well, ultimately Tedder took me and trained me-- did it for nix-- for
+what he hoped to get out of me in the future. Ah, and he _hasn't_ lost
+over me-- poor old Ambrose! He collared a third of my salary for ever
+so long; and now that the old chap's rheumaticky and worn out, I-- oh,
+it's not worth mentioning. [_Jumping up and walking away._] My stars,
+he could teach, could Tedder! I began by going to him for the last
+twenty minutes of my dinner-hour. He wanted to stop _that_, because it
+was bad for me, he said, to practise on a full-- a full--! Ha, ha, ha!
+On a _full_--! [_Behind the table, resting her two hands upon it and
+shaking with laughter._] Ho, ho, ho! As if I ever had-- in those
+days----!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Writhing._] Ah, don't-- don't----!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Brushing the tears from her eyes._] I was a pupil of Tedder's for
+twelve months, and then he got me on at the Canterbury; and from the
+Canterbury I went to Gatti's, and from Gatti's to the Lane, for a few
+lines in the pantomime and an understudy-- my first appearance in the
+West End-- [_singing_] "Oh, the West End is the best end!"-- and from
+there I went to the old Strand, and there Morrie Cooling spotted me,
+and that led to me being engaged at the Pandora, where I ate my heart
+out, doing next to nothing, for two whole years. Then came the
+production of _The Duchess of Brixton_, and it was in _The Duchess_--
+thanks to Vincent Bland-- that I sang the "Mind the Paint" song. He
+believed in me, did Vincent; _he_ saw I was fit for something more
+than just prancing about, and airing my ankles, in a gay frock. By
+Jupiter, how he fought for me; _how_ he fought for me, up to the final
+rehearsal! And to this day, whenever I indulge in a prayer, you bet
+Vincent Bland has a paragraph all to himself in it! [_Checking herself
+and coming to FARNCOMBE._] Oh, but-- I needn't inflict quite so much
+of my biography on you, need I? [_He rises._] Sorry. I merely wanted
+to tell you enough to show you-- to show you----
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Close to her, gazing into her eyes._] To show me what a-- what a
+_marvel_ you are!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Pleased._] Ha, ha! Oh, I'm not chucking mud at myself really. Why
+should I! Many a woman 'ud feel as vain as a peacock in my shoes.
+Fancy! From the shop in Gladwin Street to-- [_with a gesture_] to
+_this_! And from Tedder's stuffy room in the Westminster Bridge Road
+to the stage of the Pandora, as principal girl!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Tenderly._] Wonderful!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Carried away by her narration and putting her hands upon his
+shoulders familiarly._] Yes, and all the schooling I've ever had,
+Eddie, was at a cheap, frowsy day-school in Kennington, with a tribe
+of other common, skinny-legged brats. Imagine it!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Taking her hands._] I can't imagine it; I defy anybody to.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Unthinkingly allowing him to retain her hands._] Everything I've
+learned since-- except my music, and that I owe to Tedder and
+Vincent-- everything I've learned since, I've learned by sheer
+cuteness, from novels, the papers, the theatres, and by keeping my
+ears open like a cunning little parrot. [_Softly._] Ha, ha! That's
+what I am-- a cunning little parrot!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Laughing with her._] Ha, ha!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Tossing her head._] Ho, I dare say, if I had the opportunity,
+I could imitate the fine _ly_dies _you_ mix with, so that in less than
+six months you'd hardly know the difference between them and me!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Holding her hands to his breast._] There is no difference already;
+there _is_ none.
+
+LILY.
+
+Isn't there! [_Almost nestling up to him._] Ah, you should see me in
+one of my vile tempers. [_Wistfully._] Then-- then you wouldn't--!
+[_Becoming conscious of her proximity to him, she backs away and
+stands rubbing the palms of her hands together in embarrassment._]
+Anyhow-- anyhow it isn't my intention to give you a chance of
+comparing us.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Under his breath._] Oh-- Miss Parradell----!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Collecting herself._] No, I-- I'm not going to let you make a fool
+of yourself over _me_, if I can help it.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Fool----!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Facing him and speaking quietly but firmly._] Recollect, however
+shrewd and apt I may be, and however straight I've managed to keep
+myself, still-- I'm only a Pandora girl, and should always be
+remembered as one by your chums and belongings. Only a Pandora girl.
+Nothing can alter that, dear boy; and you mustn't-- you mustn't
+handicap yourself by hanging _me_ round your neck.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Heavily._] I-- I shouldn't be the first of my sort to marry a
+"Pandora girl," not by half a dozen or more.
+
+LILY.
+
+No, but-- without wishing to flatter you-- I don't quite put you on a
+level with Robbie Kinterton, and Glenroy, and Georgie Fawcus, and--
+that crew. [_Cheerfully._] And so I mean to take care of you-- to take
+care of you for your own sake and for your mammy's and daddy's. [_She
+turns from him and fetches his hat and coat and gives them to him. He
+receives them from her with a dazed look._] Time's up. [_After a
+silence during which neither stirs._] Never mind. You'll survive it.
+[_Another pause._] Come along.
+
+  [_She passes him, to go to the door on the left. As she does so he
+  flings his hat and coat on to the settee, and clasps her in his arms._
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Lily-- Lily----!
+
+LILY.
+
+Ah, that's not fair!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Don't-- don't send me away like this!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Her hand against his breast._] It isn't fair of you!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Say you'll take time to consider.
+
+LILY.
+
+I hate you for it!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Ask Roper's advice-- your mother's----!
+
+LILY.
+
+I've trusted you!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Ask Miss Birch----!
+
+LILY.
+
+Eddie! Lord Farncombe----! [_He releases her and they confront one
+another, she panting, he hanging his head guiltily._] W-w-well, I--
+I _have_ been mistaken in you.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_In despair._] I-- I---- [_Turning from her and hitting his temples
+with his fists._] Forgive me. Forgive me.
+
+LILY.
+
+Ha! I-- I thought you were such a quiet, bashful fellow.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Forgive me. Forgive me.
+
+  [_She wavers and then slowly approaches him._
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Gently._] Don't-- don't fret about it. _I_ forgive you. [_Touching
+his arm with her finger-tips._] I'm to blame. [_Drawing a deep
+breath._] All those dances----!
+
+  [_He seizes her hand and kisses it passionately._
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+I may see you again? I may see you again? Lily-- Lily--! Lily----!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_In a whisper, averting her head._] N-no-- we'd better not----
+[_There is a low but distinct knocking at the door on the left. She
+withdraws her hand and they look at each other, he inquiringly, she
+with a calm face. The knocking is repeated._] Mother. [_She goes to
+the door and speaks with her mouth close to it._] That you, mother?
+[_She listens for a reply and again the knocking is heard._] Who is
+it? [_She opens the door. JEYES is outside._] Nicko! [_JEYES comes
+into the room. He has rid himself of his wig and beard and is wearing
+an overcoat buttoned up to his chin and a cap drawn down to his brows.
+His face is white and his jaws are set determinedly._] How-- how have
+you got in? [_He produces a bunch of keys and grimly displays a
+latch-key._] Oh-- oh----! [_Pulling off his cap, JEYES advances to the
+table in the centre, glaring at FARNCOMBE. LILY closes the door
+sharply and also advances, speaking volubly to FARNCOMBE as she comes
+forward._] Captain Jeyes is in the habit of bringing me home from the
+theatre after my work; and a long while ago I gave him a latch-key to
+carry on his key-ring, so that he could let me into my house whenever
+I'd forgotten my own key. He hasn't the slightest right to use it at
+any other time; nobody knows that better than he does. It's a
+confounded liberty! [_To JEYES, hotly._] What are you doing here at
+all at this hour of the morning?
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_After an expressive glance at FARNCOMBE._] An odd question, in the
+circumstances.
+
+LILY.
+
+Answer me!
+
+JEYES.
+
+Keeping an eye on _you_.
+
+LILY.
+
+Spying on me!
+
+JEYES.
+
+On you-- [_jerking his head towards FARNCOMBE_] and----
+
+LILY.
+
+How dare you!
+
+JEYES.
+
+I've been at it all night.
+
+LILY.
+
+All night!
+
+JEYES.
+
+Yes; I was in the theatre while you were supping and dancing.
+
+LILY.
+
+_You_ were!
+
+JEYES.
+
+I _meant_ to be there. You did your best to stop it----
+
+LILY.
+
+That's a lie!
+
+JEYES.
+
+So that you could enjoy yourself thoroughly-- [_glancing at FARNCOMBE
+again_] with----
+
+LILY.
+
+A lie!
+
+JEYES.
+
+I didn't leave till past three. You and-- [_with another motion of the
+head towards FARNCOMBE_] had just had your fifth dance together, and
+they were hauling you round the building.
+
+LILY.
+
+Where _were_ you? Who----?
+
+JEYES.
+
+Excuse me; that's my business. Then I went back to Jermyn Street, and
+it suddenly struck me I'd like to see how your escort was composed.
+
+LILY.
+
+You've been watching outside?
+
+JEYES.
+
+Since a quarter-to-four-- under the portico at the corner.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Contemptuously._] _You_----!
+
+JEYES.
+
+Yes, but, by God, I wasn't quite prepared for _this_!
+
+LILY.
+
+This!
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Cramming his cap into his overcoat-pocket and coming to FARNCOMBE._]
+What the hell's your game? You've got some accommodating friends, both
+of you, in that blackguard Roper and that slut Jimmie Birch!
+
+LILY.
+
+Oh--! [_Approaching JEYES with clenched fists._] Ah, you cur----!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Holding up his hand to her appealingly._] Miss Parradell----!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_To JEYES._] You cur! Mother's been told that Lord Farncombe's with
+me. I sent Jimmie up to tell her.
+
+JEYES.
+
+Where _is_ your mother?
+
+LILY.
+
+In bed, of course.
+
+JEYES.
+
+Snoring! Ha, ha, ha! Faugh, there's an ugly name, my girl, for such
+mothers as yours!
+
+LILY.
+
+Ah--! [_Raising her fist._] Ah-h-h-h----!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Miss Parradell----!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Restraining herself with difficulty and pacing the room._] Oh, the
+cur! The cur! The cur!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_To JEYES, looking at him steadily._] Captain Jeyes----
+
+LILY.
+
+The low cur!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Captain Jeyes, do you happen to know where I lodge?
+
+JEYES.
+
+No; I don't know where your sty is.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+St. James's Place-- forty-seven. I shall be in at twelve o'clock.
+[_Picking up his hat and overcoat._] From the tone this gentleman
+adopts, Miss Parradell, I assume that he considers himself entitled to
+concern himself in your affairs. [_Moving over to the left where LILY
+joins him._] Perhaps it will make it easier for you if I----
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Clutching his arm._] Ah, I'm so indignant, Eddie! I-- I-- I----!
+
+JEYES.
+
+Eddie! _Eddie!_
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Turning upon JEYES in a fury._] Yes, you cad-- Eddie, _Eddie_,
+EDDIE! You cad! You sneak! You idler! You waster! I've stood it long
+enough. This is the last straw! I've done with you! I'm sick to death
+of you! How I've tolerated you all these years is a mystery to me!
+After this, get out of my sight and never show yourself to me again!
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Grasping her wrist, fiercely._] Lily----!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Wrenching herself free._] _What!_ [_Losing control over herself
+utterly._] You'll spy on me, will you, you shabby loafer! You'll peep
+at me while I'm eating my supper, and count the dances I choose to
+give that boy over there, will you! And then you'll break into my
+house, and insult my friends behind their backs, and insinuate foul
+things against my poor old mother-- you damned coward!-- and against
+me, [_pointing to FARNCOMBE_] and _him_! Why, you're not fit to black
+his boots, and you never were-- never-- you-- you-- you scum! Here!
+[_Taking FARNCOMBE'S note from her bosom and thrusting it at JEYES._]
+Read that! [_Sitting in the arm-chair by the centre table._] Read it!
+Read it! Read it! [_JEYES reads to himself._] Out loud!
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Mumbling._] "Dear Miss Parradell. Will you allow me----?"
+
+LILY.
+
+Louder!
+
+JEYES.
+
+"Will you allow me to remain behind for a few minutes with Miss Jimmie
+after the others have gone? I know I am presuming a lot, but I cannot
+leave you till I have asked you the most important question a man can
+put to a woman. Farncombe."
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Breathless._] Written here-- on my note-paper-- while I was out of
+the room! It came on me like a thunder-clap! Ah! Ah! Ah! [_JEYES sits
+upon the settee, staring at the carpet._] And Morrie Cooling and Lal
+will tell you that I hadn't a notion that Lord Farncombe was to be at
+the supper last night, or any of the boys; not a notion.
+I blackguarded 'em both for deceiving me, and causing me to deceive
+_you_. [_Taking the scent-atomizer from the table and spraying her
+face with it._] Now! What have you to say now! Ah! Ah! Ah!
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Huskily._] Why-- why the devil did you let Jimmie go? Why did you
+let her go? It was knowing that you and Farncombe were alone that--
+that made me----
+
+LILY.
+
+Oh, if I'd suspected that a private detective was hovering around, I'd
+have kept the whole lot of my friends! As it was, Jimmie was looking
+dead, and--! [_in disdain._] Pah!
+
+  [_There is a pause and then JEYES sits upright and draws his hand
+  wearily across his eyes._
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_To LILY._] Well, I-- I beg your pardon. [_LILY continues to spray
+herself energetically._] I'm not so completely _scum_ as not to see
+that I ought to beg your pardon. [_Humbly._] I beg your pardon.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Softening by degrees._] You-- you drive me mad sometimes--
+positively frantic!
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Partly to himself._] Mad! [_To FARNCOMBE._] And you, Farncombe--
+I hope you'll accept my apologies. I offer them unreservedly.
+
+  [_FARNCOMBE bows, somewhat stiffly._
+
+LILY.
+
+[_To JEYES, protruding her lower lip._] I-- I didn't mean half I said,
+Nicko; I didn't mean half of it. [_Eyeing FARNCOMBE askance as she
+replaces the atomizer._] And I-- I'm ashamed of myself for losing my
+self-control as I did. [_There is another pause and then JEYES gets to
+his feet and silently returns the note to LILY. She looks up at him
+piteously and puts the note back into her bosom. Then he takes out his
+key-ring, removes the latch key from it, and throws the key on to the
+table. Having done this, he drags his cap from his pocket and makes
+for the door on the left. As he passes LILY, she rises and gently
+plucks at his sleeve._] Nicko-- Nicko----
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_In a thick voice._] Eh?
+
+LILY.
+
+Won't you-- won't you give Lord Farncombe-- some explanation----?
+
+JEYES.
+
+Explanation----?
+
+LILY.
+
+Of the sort of terms we've been on, you and I, He-- he must be--
+rather puzzled-- [_turning away to the table._] Oh, it's due to you as
+well as to me!
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Dully._] Just as you please. [_With a hard laugh._] Ho, ho! Yes,
+perhaps it _is_ due to me that he should learn a little more about me
+than he's been able to gather from personal observation-- and from
+your eloquent but summary description. [_Under his breath, screwing up
+his cap._] Idler-- waster-- loafer----!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Penitently._] Nicko!
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_To FARNCOMBE, quietly._] Oh, it's a true bill, Farncombe. And yet,
+a very few years back-- _she_ won't dispute it-- I was one of the
+smartest chaps going, good at my job, with prospects as rosy as any
+man's in my regiment. There wasn't a cloud the size of your hand,
+apparently, in my particular bit of sky at the time I speak of; not a
+speck! Then I met this young lady, and-- [_pointing to the
+box-ottoman_] well, since we're in for it----!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Oh, Captain Jeyes----
+
+JEYES.
+
+No, no; she wishes you to understand the exact nature of the
+friendship between her and me. I'm obeying instructions. [_FARNCOMBE
+sits on the ottoman, nursing his hat and overcoat. Then JEYES sits in
+the arm-chair by the centre table, first turning the chair so that it
+faces FARNCOMBE._] Farncombe, I was under thirty, and still a
+subaltern, when I made Miss Parradell's acquaintance. Like most of my
+pals, I was spending my nights, whenever I could get away from
+Aldershot, in the stalls at the Pandora-- much the same as _you've_
+been doing recently, and as a certain class of young man'll go on
+doing as long as the Pandora, and similar shops, continue to flourish.
+Ha! How honoured we felt, we men, in those days, at knowing some of
+the Pandora girls, and having the privilege of supping 'em and
+standing 'em dinner on Sunday evenings! If they'd been royal
+princesses we couldn't have been more elated. [_With a gesture._]
+Don't jump at conclusions. It generally ended there, or with our
+running into debt at a jeweller's. _We_ were young, _they_ were
+beautiful-- or we thought 'em so; but the majority of us weren't
+vicious, any more than the majority of the girls were-- though many of
+'em were mighty calculating. It would have been better for us men if
+all the girls _had_ been wicked; the glamour, the infatuation, the
+folly, would have been sooner over, and one of us at least would have
+had a different tale to tell.
+
+  [_JEYES pauses, gazing at the floor, FARNCOMBE moves impatiently on
+  the ottoman and LILY seats herself upon the settee._
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Plaintively._] Nicko-- Nicko-- I merely wanted you to----
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Rousing himself and speaking to LILY over his shoulder._] Who was it
+introduced us?
+
+LILY.
+
+Miss Du Cane-- Aggie Du Cane.
+
+JEYES.
+
+Agnes Du Cane. _She's_ gone under. [_To LILY._] Outside Buckley's
+oyster-bar, wasn't it?
+
+LILY.
+
+Not outside; in the parlour.
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_To FARNCOMBE._] Lily had only lately come to the Pandora--
+a pale-faced slip of a thing. [_To LILY._] Eighteen, weren't you?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Nodding._] Eighteen.
+
+JEYES.
+
+I confess I wasn't overwhelmingly attracted by her at first; she was
+so unlike the rest. [_Laughing bitterly._] Ha, ha, ha!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Weakly._] Ha, ha, ha! Wasn't I dowdy!
+
+JEYES.
+
+But she was humble, and naive, and confiding; and my vanity was
+tickled by her delight at the little treats I gave her, and by her
+gratitude for a tuppeny-ha'penny present or two. Nobody, I believe,
+with any pretensions to being a gentleman, had paid her much attention
+before I arrived on the scene.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_In a murmur._] No; nobody.
+
+JEYES.
+
+I didn't find out that I was in love with her-- you guess it's a love
+story, don't you?----
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Delicately._] My dear Captain Jeyes----
+
+JEYES.
+
+I didn't find out that I was neck and heels in love with her until
+nearly a year afterwards, when my regiment went to the Curragh. _That_
+did it-- separation! What I suffered in that hole, thinking of her,
+starving for her! In less than three months I was in London again, on
+leave, and in my old stall at the Pandora. But even then, Farncombe, I
+hadn't your pluck.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Pluck?
+
+JEYES.
+
+The pluck to snap my fingers at the world and propose marriage to a
+Pandora girl. Besides, my mother was alive then, and-- [_abruptly,
+with a wild look_] would you like to know what _she_ used to call
+these Pandora women, Farncombe? [_Bending forward, his hands tightly
+clenched._] She used to call them _a menace to society_. With their
+beauty, and their flagrant opportunities for displaying it, they are a
+living curse, she used to say-- a source of constant dread to mothers
+whose hope it is to see their sons safely mated to modest, maidenly
+girls of the typical English pattern. She told us once-- my brothers
+and me-- frightened as to where _we_ were drifting, that she was one
+of many mothers who prayed on their knees daily that their boys might
+be spared from being drawn into the net woven by their own weaknesses
+and passions-- drawn into it by these-- these----! [_He breaks off,
+stares about him for a moment, and then rises._] Oh, but I oughtn't to
+have repeated this to _you_. Pardon. [_Walking away unsteadily._] Ho,
+damned bad taste! [_Behind the table, supporting himself by leaning
+upon it._] Where was I? Back from the Curragh! [_Confused._] Yes--
+yes-- and so things went on for a couple o' years-- I trailing after
+Lily closer than ever-- and at last-- at last I _did_ ask her to be my
+wife.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Who has been listening to JEYES with parted lips and wide-open
+eyes-- appealingly._] Don't! Don't, Nicko; don't!
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Oblivious of her interruption._] But I'd left it too late. The
+novelty of me had worn off; she'd scores of friends by that time;
+she'd made her big hit, and followed it with another, and was the talk
+o' the town. And she'd money; she wasn't dependent on _me_ any longer
+for her gloves and her trips and outings!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Her head drooping._] Oh! Oh! [_Wringing her hands._] Oh, that's
+_beastly_ of you; _beastly_!
+
+JEYES.
+
+She was kind to me too, in a way-- kind and cruel. She didn't want to
+marry me; she didn't want to marry anybody; she was in love with
+herself, and her success, and what it was bringing her. But she
+wouldn't give me the kick. No, she wouldn't do that; I _had_ been
+something to her. And there's where the kindness came in-- and the
+merciless cruelty. [_Sitting upon the fauteuil-stool rigidly._] God,
+if only she'd broken with me then, firmly and finally-- if only she'd
+broken with me then-- she-- she might have saved me!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Struggling with her tears._] Oh, Nicko, Nicko!
+
+JEYES.
+
+Twelve months ago she did throw me a bone. The regiment was under
+orders for India, and of course I sent in my papers; and out of pity,
+I suppose-- and because I was always pestering her-- she promised to
+become engaged to me if I'd get other work to do. Work! I wonder
+whether really she was grinning to herself when she made the
+stipulation!
+
+LILY.
+
+Oh-- oh----!
+
+JEYES.
+
+Work! All the spunk, all the energy, had been sapped out of me long
+before, and even her promise couldn't revive it. My search for a berth
+wasn't much more than a sham. At the back of my head I knew very well
+what I'd come to. The only work _I_ was capable of was dancing
+attendance on _her_, and filling in what remained of the day and night
+at a rotten restaurant, a Bohemian club, and the bar of the theatre.
+And that's _been_ my sole employment for the past year-- nothing but
+that. Pretty, for a man who started life as swimmingly as I did! [_His
+voice dying away._] Pretty-- pretty-- pretty-- pretty----!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_After a profound stillness._] I-- I don't think you've ever-- put
+the case to me-- quite so plainly as this, Nicko.
+
+JEYES.
+
+I-- I don't think I've ever put it quite so plainly-- to myself.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Her lip trembling._] You-- you won't believe me----
+
+JEYES.
+
+What?
+
+LILY.
+
+I-- I've never fully realised it till now-- the harm I've done you.
+I declare to God I've never realised it till now. [_Faintly._]
+Nicko----!
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_After a further pause._] Ah, well--! [_With a deep sigh._] Ah, well!
+[_To FARNCOMBE, resignedly._] Farncombe, I-- I'm afraid I'm a shocking
+brute. I-- I got carried away. Forget-- forget the things I've said of
+this girl. Forget 'em, will yer? [_Starting to his feet._] And look
+here! A man who isn't a sportsman deserves to be shot. You've won her;
+I've lost her. Congratulate yer, old chap; congratulate yer! [_Pulling
+on his cap._] Take care of her, that's all; m-m-mind you take care of
+her!
+
+  [_He turns towards the door and she jumps up and runs to him and
+  seizes his arm. FARNCOMBE also rises._
+
+LILY.
+
+No, no, Nicko! Nicko--! [_Giving FARNCOMBE a half frightened, half
+imploring look._] Nicko, I can't undo the mischief I've done; I can't
+do that. But I can try to make it up to you-- some of it-- and I will,
+if you'll let me. [_Putting her arms round his shoulders._] Nicko----!
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Roughly._] Make it-- up to me?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Her face close to his._] You know what I mean! As soon as possible--
+next month, if you like-- next week-- quietly--! [_He grips her arms
+and stares at her blankly._] Ha, ha! Yes, you've been in too great a
+hurry to settle matters, _you_ have. Lord Farncombe and I-- we--
+_we're_ not going to be married. I've refused him. [_Wildly._] I--
+I've ruined _you_, Nicko; but I-- I've told him-- I'm not going to
+draw _him_ into my net! [_Clinging to JEYES and burying her face in
+the breast of his coat, crying._] Oh! Oh! Oh! I'm not going to draw
+_him_ into my net!
+
+  [_Again there is a pause and then JEYES turns to FARNCOMBE, dazed._
+
+JEYES.
+
+Farncombe----?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Inclining his head._] Yes-- yes----
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_With feeling._] My dear fellow, I-- I----!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Raising her head and speaking through her tears-- to JEYES._] Nicko,
+I-- I want to have one more word with Lord Farncombe-- just one more
+word. [_He nods understandingly and goes to the door on the left. She
+follows him._] Only a minute; [_he opens the door_] and then you must
+walk away together, you and he, and part good friends. [_He goes out
+on to the landing and she closes the door and stands with her back to
+it, drying her eyes with her handkerchief. FARNCOMBE, still carrying
+his hat and overcoat, has crossed to the settee, a forlorn figure._]
+W-w-well, you-- you _have_ had a lucky escape, haven't you?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Heavily._] Escape?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Leaving the door and advancing._] You-- you've heard what a
+cold-blooded, selfish wretch I am-- how I've treated Nicko!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Waving the idea away._] Oh----!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Coming to him._] And you've seen what I'm like when I'm in a rage;
+you've seen what the genuine Lily Margaret Upjohn is, without her
+disguise. [_Looking up into his face pathetically._] Yes, that was
+_me_, Eddie, under the crust. Common as dirt, dear; common as dirt!
+[_Holding the lapels of his coat._] Oh! Oh, you'll always remember me,
+with my eyes starting out of my head, spitting at Nicko! You'll always
+picture that horrible sight when you think of me.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+You-- you were provoked; I-- I admired you for it.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Tenderly._] Ah, you dear boy! [_In an altered tone._] Eddie----
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Yes?
+
+LILY.
+
+Had you-- a little hope-- that, after all, I might turn your offer
+over in my mind and-- and eventually----?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Yes-- yes.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_With a catch in her breath._] Ah----! [_In a whisper._] I-- I'll
+tell you something.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+What?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_In his ear._] I _might_ have, if-- if you'd persisted.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Groaning._] Oh-h-h-h!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Retreating a step or two._] Thank God Nicko came along! Thank God
+Nicko came along! _What_ was it his mother called us girls? A menace
+to society; creatures to be dreaded, and prayed against! You see I was
+right in wishing to protect you for your mammy's sake as well as your
+own. But, oh-- thank God Nicko came along! [_He sits suddenly upon the
+settee and covers his face with his hands. She returns to him
+quickly._] Ah, don't do that; don't do that! [_Touching his hands._]
+Eddie! Eddie! I'm not worth it. Eddie! [_With an effort, he lifts his
+head._] Listen. _This_ is what I want to say to you. Don't come near
+me any more; you mustn't. And don't come to the theatre again either.
+If I thought you were sitting in front, I-- I'm sure I couldn't----!
+[_Entreatingly._] Swear-- swear you'll keep away from me, and from the
+theatre! [_He nods._] And you'll never go to any supper or dinner or
+dance where you're likely to meet the other girls, will you? Eddie!
+[_He shakes his head._] Swear! [_He rises and, as he does so, she
+grips the lapels of his coat again, her eyes blazing fiercely._] Oh!
+Oh! If one of the other girls ever got hold of you, I-- I-- [_hissing
+into his face_] I'd kill her! [_She leaves him and goes to the door on
+the left and opens it._] Nicko! [_JEYES enters the room._] March, both
+of you! [_Exhausted._] I-- I'm pretty well baked. [_FARNCOMBE joins
+LILY and JEYES at the door and she stands between the two men looking
+from one to the other and taking a hand of each._] Ha, ha, ha! I've
+made the _pair_ of you precious miserable, if you only knew it. [_To
+JEYES._] The difference is that _he'll_ soon forget me, and _you_,
+with _me_ for a wife, are doomed for life. [_Putting her hands upon
+JEYES' shoulders._] Nicko----! [_She kisses him lightly and, having
+done so, asks him a question with her eyes. JEYES turns aside and she
+faces FARNCOMBE and offers him her lips. They kiss._] Good-bye.
+[_After a moment's pause, to both of them._] Away with you! [_The two
+men go out and she follows them to the top of the stairs and watches
+them descend. Then she slowly comes back into the room and stands
+listening at the door. There is a distant sound._] Ah! [_Partly
+closing the door, she wanders about the room aimlessly for a while.
+Then, impulsively, she runs to the further window, lifts the sash, and
+looks below._] Ah!... Ah!... [_Drawing back._] Ah-h-h-h----!
+
+  [_She shuts the window and comes to the settee and, sitting there,
+  takes off her shoes. Then she goes down upon the floor inelegantly,
+  hunts for her slippers, and puts them on. As she rises, the door on
+  the left is pushed open and MRS. UPJOHN peeps in cautiously._
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_In a dressing-gown and with her hair, now very scanty, tightly
+screwed up._] Lil----?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Stiffening herself and speaking in a cold, level voice._] Oh, I was
+just coming up to you, mother, to get you to undo me.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Bustling to LILY._] I didn't mean to, but I fell off. [_Unhooking
+LILY'S dress._] It _was_ the front-door I 'eard a minute ago, then? It
+gave me sech a start. [_In difficulties with the hooks._] Turn more to
+the light, dearie. These dressmakers do it a' purpose, I b'lieve. The
+'ooks on that noo gown o' mine are a perfect myst'ry. Wot's _this_?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Twisting her body._] Oh, don't fiddle so, mother!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+You _did_ let 'im stay a time, Lil. 'Eaps to talk over, eh?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Stonily._] Heaps. [_Trying to assist MRS. UPJOHN._] Oh----!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Well, dear; well, well! Tell me wot's took place. Don't keep me in
+suspense.
+
+LILY.
+
+I shan't tell you anything, mother, till I've had a sleep. I must go
+through the sheets first. [_Stamping her foot._] Oh, tear the thing;
+tear it!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+'Ave you consented to make 'im 'appy, poor young gentleman? That's all
+I want to know, Lil. [_Overcoming a hook._] There!
+
+LILY.
+
+Thank you, mother. [_Slipping her arms out of her dress._] I can
+manage the rest.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+But, Lil, dearie----!
+
+LILY.
+
+Oh, for mercy's sake, leave me alone! [_Violently._] Why can't you
+leave me alone!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Ho! Very good! [_Moving away indignantly as LILY, with shaking
+fingers, unfastens a necklace._] _This_ is my reward for layin' awake
+'alf the night, is it, an' for thinkin' of you, an' wonderin' about
+you! Ungrateful little puss, you! [_Going towards the door._] After
+this, you can keep your affairs to yourself for as long as ever you
+choose. Don't you expect _me_----!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Suddenly, sitting upon the settee._] Mother----!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Sharply._] Yes?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Her hand to her brow._] Oh, mother----!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Hurrying to LILY._] Wot is it?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Swaying._] At last-- at last----!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+At last----?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Clinging to MRS. UPJOHN._] I'm in love, mother-- I'm in love-- in
+love-- in love----!
+
+  END OF THE THIRD ACT.
+
+
+
+
+  THE FOURTH ACT
+
+
+_The scene is the same as in the preceding act, but the light outside
+is brighter and warmer and in the room is more diffused. On the table
+in the centre, placed close to the settee, there is a small tray with
+a breakfast of tea and toast upon it. The bedroom door is partly
+open._
+
+
+  [_LILY, wan and red-eyed, is lying, propped up by cushions, upon the
+  settee. A newspaper is on her lap but she is gazing at vacancy. She
+  is in _neglige_. A dainty morning-robe covers her night-gown, her
+  bare feet are in slippers, and her hair is in a simple knot. MAUD
+  is at one of the drawers of the cupboard at the back, engaged in
+  selecting some articles of _lingerie_, and MRS. UPJOHN, completely
+  dressed for the day, is sitting in the arm-chair by the centre
+  table, her face hidden by a newspaper which she is reading.
+  Presently MAUD shuts the drawer and, carrying the _lingerie_,
+  comes forward._
+
+MAUD.
+
+[_To LILY._] What frock'll you put on?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Starting slightly._] Eh?
+
+MAUD.
+
+One of your embroidered muslins, or your Ninon?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Languidly._] Either; _I_ don't care.
+
+MAUD.
+
+Oh, gracious, what on earth _is_ the matter with you this morning!
+I've never known you as queer as this after any hop you've been to in
+_my_ time. [_To MRS. UPJOHN, who has lowered her paper._] Nothing
+wrong, is there?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Turning over and burying her head in the cushions._] Maud.
+
+MAUD.
+
+[_Moving to the settee and bending over LILY._] Here I am, lovey.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_In a muffled voice._] Go into the next room and shut the door, and
+don't let me see your stupid, fat face till I come to you.
+
+MAUD.
+
+[_Laughing heartily._] Ha, ha, ha! Ho, ho, ho! That's better. [_Going
+to the bedroom door._] That's how I like to hear her talk. We needn't
+send for Dr. Gilson yet awhile. Ha, ha, ha!
+
+  [_She disappears into the bedroom and closes the door._
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Looking at LILY._] Lil.
+
+LILY.
+
+Yes, mother?
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+'Ave another cup o' tea, won't you?
+
+LILY.
+
+No.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+'Nother bit o' toast, then?
+
+LILY.
+
+No.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Smoke a cigarette.
+
+LILY.
+
+No.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+You always _do_ 'ave a w'iff after your breakfast. Come!
+
+LILY.
+
+No.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Rising and walking away._] Oh, dear; oh, dear! Deuce take Carlton
+Smythe an' 'is supper party-- those are _my_ sentiments; _an'_ Lal
+Roper, busybody that 'e is! Things were goin' on with us as smooth an'
+peaceful as could be, before this upset.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Raising herself, angrily._] _You_ were in it, mother; you're as much
+to blame as anybody.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Halting._] 'Ow _in_ it?
+
+LILY.
+
+In Uncle Lal's artful plan to prevent Nicko from being invited. You've
+confessed you were.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Lal twisted me round 'is little finger. I was clay in the porter's
+'and, as your dad was fond of sayin'.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Changing her position._] If only Nicko had been there, I shouldn't
+have given young Farncombe all those dances, nor wandered about with
+him in the intervals, nor allowed him to see me home. It all simply
+wouldn't, _couldn't_ have happened. [_Hitting a cushion._] Oh!
+[_Sitting up and embracing her knees._] Mother----!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Behind the settee._] Wot?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Knitting her brows._] I-- I'm so surprised at myself.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Surprised?
+
+LILY.
+
+So-- so disappointed with myself.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Why, you 'aven't done anything that-- that's not quite respectable,
+Lil. On the cont'ry----
+
+LILY.
+
+No, I haven't done anything that's actually not nice, but-- fancy!----
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Close to LILY._] Fancy----?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Opening her eyes widely._] Fancy my letting myself go with young
+Farncombe as I did! _He-- he'd_ been admiring me from a distance for
+weeks and weeks, but I'd scarcely noticed him till last night!
+[_Leaning her head against MRS. UPJOHN, softly._] I-- I always thought
+I was such a cold girl, mother, in-- in that way.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+I s'pose it was wot's called love at first sight, Lil.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Laughing shamefacedly._] Ha, ha, ha! [_Putting her feet to the
+ground and shielding her face with her hands._] Oh, don't talk rot,
+mother.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Moving away._] Any'ow, it's not too late, Lil-- even now----
+
+LILY.
+
+Not too late----?
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Behind the centre table._] To back out, dearie. The Captain couldn't
+possibly 'old you to a 'asty promise given 'im between four an' five
+in the mornin'.
+
+LILY.
+
+Oh! Oh, how _can_ you! I've passed my word to Nicko and I wouldn't
+break it for twenty thousand pounds. [_Looking up._] Mother----!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Fussing with the things upon the table._] Yes?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Resolutely._] I'm going to pull Nicko _up_, mother. I've dragged him
+down, and I mean to raise him. [_Clenching her hands._] So help me
+God, I do!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Well, you've got a tough job before you, Lil, in my opinion.
+
+LILY.
+
+Perhaps; but I mean to succeed. [_After a pause._] Besides----
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Besides----?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Slowly._] I've told you-- Nicko or no Nicko-- I'm determined-- I'm
+determined not to draw Eddie Farncombe into my net.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Into your _net_? [_Another pause._] Lil----
+
+LILY.
+
+Eh?
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+That's twice you've made use o' that remark. 'Oo's accused you----?
+[_There is a lively rat-tat at the door on the left._] Come in!
+
+  [_The door opens and JIMMIE BIRCH bounces into the room._
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_As she closes the door._] Ah, Ma! Ah, Lillums!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Good mornin'.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Kissing MRS. UPJOHN._] Ha, ha! We've met before, this morning,
+haven't we! [_Coming to LILY._] Well, dear old girl, and how are _you_
+to-day? [_Kissing LILY and then eyeing her keenly._] A wreck?
+
+LILY.
+
+Rather.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+I _ought_ to be, but I'm not. Directly I laid my pretty head on my
+pillow I went off, and never stirred till I found the breakfast-tray
+on my chest. [_Reckoning on her fingers._] Five to six-- six to
+seven-- seven to eight-- eight to nine-- nine to ten-- ten to eleven.
+I've had six hours; that's not so dusty. [_To LILY, slyly._] You
+didn't sleep very soundly, probably?
+
+LILY.
+
+Not very.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Smiling from ear to ear._] Excited? [_LILY shrugs her shoulders.
+There is a silence and then JIMMIE, still beaming, looks round and
+sees that MRS. UPJOHN has seated herself upon the fauteuil-stool._]
+May I sit down for a minute?
+
+LILY.
+
+Of course, Jimmie; do.
+
+  [_JIMMIE sits in the arm-chair by the centre table, awaiting some
+  communication which doesn't come. MRS. UPJOHN drums upon the table
+  with her fingers and LILY busies herself with re-arranging the
+  cushions on the settee._
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_After a while._] Hope I haven't dropped in too early?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Settling her shoulders into the cushions._] Not a bit, dear.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+It's nearly half-past twelve. I-- I _dashed_ round. [_After another
+pause, unable to restrain herself further._] Any news? Any-any-anything
+to tell me?
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Abruptly._] Yes.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+W-w-what----?
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Lil's engaged.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+Hah! [_Triumphantly._] Hah, hah! [_Clapping her hands and beating her
+feet upon the floor._] Hah, hah, hah, hah! [_Jumping up and sitting
+beside LILY and hugging and kissing her._] Oh! Oh! Oh! Y'm! Y'm! Y'm!
+Oh, you humbugs! [_Rising and rushing at MRS. UPJOHN and embracing
+her._] You solemn humbug, Ma! [_Leaving MRS. UPJOHN and singing and
+dancing to the refrain sung in the previous Act._] "If you would only,
+only love me;--" Ha, ha, ha! "If you would merely, merely say,----"
+[_Her voice gradually dying away as she sees that the expression on
+LILY'S face, and upon MRS. UPJOHN'S, doesn't alter._] "Wait but a
+little-- [_standing still_] little-- for me----"
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Caustically._] Yes, you _'ad_ better wait a little; you'd better
+wait till you 'ear _'oo_ she's engaged _to_.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+Who-- to!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Studying her nails._] _Whom_ to, mother.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+Why, isn't it----?
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+No, it ain't. It's the Captain.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+T-t-the Cap--! [_To LILY._] N-n-nicko? [_LILY nods. JIMMIE draws a
+deep breath._] Oh-h-h-h!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Calmly._] Nicko turned up here early this morning-- while Eddie--
+while Lord Farncombe was with me, in fact-- and I-- we-- the three of
+us-- we talked matters over, and-- and----
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Her eyes starting out of her head._] Was there a row?
+
+LILY.
+
+Oh, don't be so curious, Jimmie. Poor Nicko has been after me for six
+years. A girl must play the game, if she's at all decent and wishes to
+preserve a shred of self-respect.
+
+  [_Again there is a pause and then JIMMIE silently resumes her seat in
+  the arm-chair._
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Moistening her lips with her tongue-- to JIMMIE._] 'Ow do you feel
+about it?
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Thoughtfully._] How do I feel about it? [_To LILY._] May I say?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Coldly._] Certainly.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Rubbing the arm of her chair with the palm of her hand._] Well, if I
+were on board a ship at this moment, I should be ringing for the
+stewardess; that's how I feel about it.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Throwing herself, face downward, at full length upon the settee._]
+Oh! Oh, you're just like the rest of our girls on the question of
+marriage! You-- you-- you're detestable!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Sliding out of her chair and kneeling at the settee and putting an
+arm round LILY._] Oh, Lil-- Lil----!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Repulsing her._] Yes, you are! [_Raising herself upon her elbow._]
+You'd rejoice to see me draw this boy into my net, wouldn't you! You
+know you would. [_MRS. UPJOHN rises and comes forward._] I dare say
+you jolly well wouldn't object to catching him yourself if you'd half
+a chance! [_Fiercely._] You try it; you try it-- you, or any of you!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Attempting to rise, scandalised._] Oh----!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Holding her._] No, no----! Jimmie----!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Lil, I'm perfec'ly ashamed of you, speakin' to Jimmie Birch in that
+manner.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Dropping her head on JIMMIE'S shoulder._] Oh----!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+She doesn't mean it.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+I 'ope not. It ain't exac'ly pleasant to 'ave a dog in the manger for
+a daughter. [_To LILY._] Why _shouldn't_ young Farncombe turn 'is
+attention to Miss Birch, pray, or to any young lady who doesn't object
+to take your leavin's!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_To MRS. UPJOHN._] H'sh, h'sh, h'sh!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Walking about._] No, I won't 'ush!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_To LILY, quietly._] I'll come back in the afternoon.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Lil seems to 'ave got some maggot or other in 'er brain about drawin'
+Lord Farncombe into 'er _net_. Net indeed! [_JIMMIE, not heeding MRS.
+UPJOHN, arranges LILY comfortably upon the settee and then rises and
+smoothes out her skirt preparatory to departure._] As Lal Roper was
+sayin' yesterday, our tiptop, aristocratic English fam'lies ought to
+be 'xtremely grateful that strong, 'ealthy perfeshunals o' the class
+of Miss 'Arker an' Miss Trevail an' Miss Shafto are enterin' their
+ranks. An' if Lil chooses to be pig-'eaded enough----! [_JIMMIE makes
+a movement towards MRS. UPJOHN._] 'Ave a bottle o' ginger beer before
+you go. [_There is a prolonged, playful knocking at the door on the
+left followed, on the part of those in the room, by a gloomy pause._]
+That _is_ Lal.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Groaning._] Oh-h-h-h!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Drawing a long face._] H'm!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_To JIMMIE._] Oh, Jimmie-- stay----!
+
+  [_The knocking is repeated. JIMMIE retreats to the right as MRS.
+  UPJOHN goes to the door and opens it. ROPER is outside._
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Entering, in high spirits._] Hullo, hullo, hullo, hul-lo!
+[_Embracing MRS. UPJOHN._] Morning, Ma! [_Advancing._] Any _more_ bids
+for the handsome gilt candelabra with the crystal drops? Ha, ha, ha!
+[_To JIMMIE._] Morning, Jimmie! [_Looking down, upon LILY, eagerly._]
+Well, Lil! Well, my pet!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_In a weary tone, giving him the tips of her fingers and then turning
+upon her side with her face to the back of the settee._] How are you,
+Uncle Lal?
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Chilled._] Oh, I-- thank you, Lil-- [_After a short pause, to MRS.
+UPJOHN-- glancing at LILY._] Not up to much to-day?
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Glumly._] No great shakes.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Dancing too hard, I 'spect.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+A deal too 'ard.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_After another pause._] Anything else amiss, Ma?
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Sitting upon the box-ottoman-- to JIMMIE, who is at the piano
+examining some of the music._] _You_ tell Lal, Jimmie.
+
+ROPER.
+
+T-t-tell--? [_To JIMMIE, who comes to the settee-- apprehensively._]
+Jimmie----!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Behind the settee, gravely._] No, the old Pandora isn't going to
+score _this_ time, Lal.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Isn't going to--? I d-d-don't follow you.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Be plain, Jimmie.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Endeavouring to relieve the situation._] Ha, ha! Nature's taken
+precious good care of that, in my case.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Angrily._] Now, look here, Jimmie! A jest is a capital thing in its
+way. No man has a keener sense of humour than Lal Roper. But there
+_are_ occasions when it's out o' place, and this is one of 'em, my
+dear; and if it's not putting you to serious inconvenience----
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Also losing her temper._] Oh, well, then, have it in the neck! Lil's
+declined young Farncombe. There! And when _you_ crack a joke next, Mr.
+Roper, I beg you'll contrive to favour us with a little variety;
+[_flouncing away_] because you bore me pallid with your rotten
+wheezes, and always have done.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Going to MRS. UPJOHN, aghast at the tidings._] Ma----!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_To ROPER, under her breath._] Won't draw 'im into 'er net, Uncle.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Won't draw him into her----?
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_At the back._] K-n-e-double t-- net!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Pacifically._] Jimmie----!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Mimicking ROPER derisively._] Hullo, hullo, hullo, hul-lo! Fresh
+fish from the sea! Buy 'em on the beach; buy 'em on the beach; buy 'em
+on the beach!
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_To JIMMIE, indignantly._] Jimmie Birch----!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Sitting upon the fauteuil-stool._] Ha, ha!
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_To MRS. UPJOHN, wiping his brow._] Of course, there is _this_ to be
+said, Ma. [_Rallying at the idea._] It may be wise of dear Lil to
+decline Farncombe _at first_. It-- it-- it-- it doesn't do for a girl,
+does it, to appear to throw herself at _any_ man, let alone a young
+fellow of the position-- the-- the-- the social status----!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Suddenly sitting up and putting her feet to the floor again._] Oh,
+for mercy's sake, cease discussing my affairs in my presence! [_To
+MRS. UPJOHN._] Mother, why do you keep Uncle Lal in the dark? [_To
+JIMMIE._] Jimmie, why don't _you_----?
+
+ROPER.
+
+In the dark!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Yes, Lal; your flyin' out at Jimmie over 'er 'armless joke stopped 'er
+finishin'.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Finishing----?
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Lil's not on'y refused young Farncombe but she's gone an' plighted
+'erself to another individual.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Plighted herself----?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Passionately._] To one of the best! To one of the best!
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Stupefied._] Do I-- do I know him?
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+Ha!
+
+LILY.
+
+Know him! You know him sufficiently to have plotted and schemed to
+prevent his being asked to the party last night.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_To LILY._] Did Lal do that?
+
+LILY.
+
+_Did_ he!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+Impudence!
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Sitting in the arm-chair by the centre table-- quietly._] Jeyes!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+Nicko.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Firmly._] Nicko.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+But the Captain _was_ at the party last night notwithstandin'.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_To MRS. UPJOHN._] Nonsense, Ma!
+
+LILY.
+
+Yes, Nicko managed to get into the theatre somehow or other.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_To LILY._] And watched you and young Farncombe----!
+
+LILY.
+
+And stationed himself under the portico of Twenty seven, to see who
+brought me home.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+Oh----!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+'E's always been frightfully jealous, the Captain 'as.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Looking at ROPER._] Oh, so _really_ it's entirely owing to Lal
+Roper's interference that matters were brought to a head this morning!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Her eyes flashing._] Entirely.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Joining in the attack upon ROPER._] Yes, if Lal 'ad been content to
+mind 'is own business----
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+And hadn't meddled----!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+_An'_ muddled----!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+Things might have gone on much the same as before.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+An' might 'ave ended different.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Rising and walking away to the right._] Ah, no, mother----!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Rising and joining LILY._] Certainly they might.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Rising._] Any'ow I 'ope it'll be a lesson to Lal----
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+_Do_ you, Ma!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Moving over to the girls._] Not to put 'is fingers into other
+people's pies.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_To MRS. UPJOHN, with a withering glance at ROPER._] Oh, you _are_
+sanguine!
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Rising and straightening himself out._] Ma-- Mrs. Upjohn-- Lily----
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Scornfully._] Hullo, hullo, hullo, hul-lo----!
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_To JIMMIE._] P'sh! [_Impressively._] Ma-- Lily-- for years-- longer
+than it's agreeable to count-- I've been a patron of the drama--
+particularly musical comedy, of which I've studied the development
+with especial interest.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Resting her elbows upon the back of the settee._] Yes, you've
+studied a lot of development, Lal, in your day.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Ignoring JIMMIE._] It's been a fad with me; I put it no higher than
+that. [_Producing his gloves._] But I've devoted time to it----
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+Any amount.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Drawing a glove on._] Often to the neglect of my ventures in the
+City. Here I am _now_, for instance.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+That's obvious.
+
+ROPER.
+
+And-- I frankly admit it-- I've had more than one serious dispute with
+_Mrs._ Roper on the subject. [_JIMMIE softly whistles a few bars of
+"Rule, Britannia."_] Yesterday, by a coincidence-- [_feeling the
+outside of his breast-pocket_] letter from the wife-- full o'
+complaints-- haven't been to Bexhill, to her and the kids, for weeks.
+And to do Ellen Roper justice, she's not the woman to grumble without
+cause. [_Picking up his hat and cane which he has placed upon the
+centre table._] Dash it all, home ties _are_ home ties! [_Polishing
+his hat with his sleeve._] And, taking one consideration with
+another-- and after this-- this occurrence-- it's my intention for the
+future-- my firm intention----
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Running to ROPER and throwing her arms around his neck._] Oh, Uncle
+Lal, not altogether! We're tired and cross this morning! Not
+altogether!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Behind the centre table._] No, no, Uncle, you mustn't----!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_To ROPER._] Forgive us! [_Coaxingly._] Mother and Jimmie are
+cats----!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN AND JIMMIE.
+
+Oh----!
+
+  [_The door on the left opens, and GLADYS enters with a card on a
+  salver._
+
+GLADYS.
+
+[_Advancing to LILY._] Are you _in_?
+
+LILY.
+
+In?
+
+GLADYS.
+
+[_Surveying LILY with mingled disdain and pity._] Oh you _do_ look
+washed out!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Going to GLADYS._] Never you mind whether I look washed out or not.
+Who is it?
+
+  [_LILY takes the card, reads some writing upon it, and stands
+  twiddling the card in her fingers._
+
+GLADYS.
+
+They're in the dining-room.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_To GLADYS, after a pause._] W-wait outside-- on the landing.
+
+GLADYS.
+
+Oh, all right. _This_ won't get my silver cleaned.
+
+  [_GLADYS withdraws. LILY waits for the door to close and then walks
+  about distractedly._
+
+LILY.
+
+Oh, why can't they leave me alone! What do they want with me now, both
+of them!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Moving towards LILY._] 'Oo----?
+
+LILY.
+
+Nicko's downstairs-- with Lord Farncombe.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Lord Farncombe----!
+
+ROPER.
+
+And Jeyes!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Reading the card again._] Nicko asks me to see him and the boy
+together. [_ROPER and MRS. UPJOHN go to LILY, one on each side of her,
+and try to read the card. She pushes them from her and sits in the
+arm-chair by the centre table._] I won't; I won't.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Joining MRS. UPJOHN and ROPER._] Yes, yes, Lil; do.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Bewildered._] Wot----?
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+Perhaps they've arrived at a friendly understanding----!
+
+ROPER.
+
+Understanding?
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Excitedly._] And have come to propose that Lil should choose between
+them!
+
+ROPER.
+
+Great Scot----!
+
+LILY.
+
+I _have_ chosen; I _have_ chosen. It's settled.
+
+ROPER.
+
+_Undoubtedly_ she ought to see them.
+
+LILY.
+
+It's a shame to persecute me so-- a shame!
+
+JIMMIE, MRS. UPJOHN, AND ROPER.
+
+[_Behind LILY'S chair._] Lil! Lily----!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Give 'em a minute, dear.
+
+ROPER.
+
+Hear what they've got to _say_.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+It _would_ be uncivil _not_ to.
+
+LILY.
+
+Oh--! Oh----!
+
+JIMMIE.                 }
+
+Buck up, Lil!           }
+
+ROPER.                  } [_To LILY, urgently._]
+
+My pet!                 }
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.            }
+
+'Ark to reason, dearie. }
+
+JIMMIE, MRS. UPJOHN, AND ROPER.
+
+Lil! Lily----!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Yielding helplessly._] Oh, very well----
+
+JIMMIE, MRS. UPJOHN, AND ROPER.
+
+Ah----!
+
+LILY.
+
+Tell Gladys-- when I ring----
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Flying to the door on the left._] I'll tell her.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_To MRS. UPJOHN, importantly._] Lucky I was on the spot; lucky I was
+on the spot.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_On the landing, to GLADYS._] Bring the gentlemen up when Miss Lily
+rings.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Rising and pacing the room on the right._] Give me some stockings!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Hurrying into the bedroom._] Yes, dearie. [_As she disappears._]
+Maud----!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Returning and closing the door and then whispering to ROPER._] Bet
+my boots that's it!
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_To JIMMIE, in a whisper._] Choose between 'em!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+What else can it be?
+
+ROPER.
+
+_I_ can't----
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Throwing herself into ROPER'S arms._] Oh, if it _is_!
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Hugging her._] Oh----!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Suddenly, releasing herself._] Oh----! [_Haughtily._] Thought you
+were Lily.
+
+  [_MRS. UPJOHN returns, carrying a pair of stockings. LILY seats
+  herself upon the fauteuil-stool where, concealed by the centre table,
+  she draws on the stockings with MRS. UPJOHN'S assistance._
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Whimpering._] Oh--! Oh----!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Don't, dearie; don't. Mother's _'ere_.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Impatiently._] I-- ah-- I think I'll run downstairs and shake hands
+with Jeyes and Farncombe while Lily's tidying herself.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Who has moved over to the right-- to ROPER._] Be careful. I should
+advise you not to risk it.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_At the door._] Risk it?
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+If Nicko knows you were the cause of his being shut out of the party
+last night, he'll simply throttle you.
+
+ROPER.
+
+[_Opening the door._] Throttle _me_! [_Formidably._] Throttle Lal
+Roper----!
+
+  [_He disappears, closing the door, as MAUD enters from the bedroom
+  with a pair of shoes._
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Weakly._] Oh! Oh! Oh! Get me something to keep these up with.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_To MAUD._] Ribbon----
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Snatching the shoes from MAUD._] Ribbon.
+
+  [_MAUD opens one of the drawers underneath the further cupboard on the
+  left and finds a roll of bright, new ribbon, while JIMMIE, searching
+  among the objects on the centre table, discovers the case of manicure
+  instruments and takes from it a pair of scissors._
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Putting on her shoes-- to MRS. UPJOHN._] No, no; that's the left
+foot-- oh----!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Don't agitate yourself, dearie. Mother's _'ere_.
+
+  [_MAUD comes to the centre table with the ribbon and JIMMIE cuts off
+  two lengths from the roll._
+
+MAUD.
+
+[_To JIMMIE._] Morning, Miss Jimmie!
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_To MAUD._] Morning!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_To MRS. UPJOHN._] Where's the mirror? Where's the mirror?
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Taking the mirror from the table and giving it to LILY._] 'Ere it
+is, dearie; 'ere it is. An' _I'm_ 'ere too.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Viewing herself in the mirror and running her hand over her hair._]
+Oh, how horrid I look! [_JIMMIE goes to LILY with the two lengths of
+ribbon and MAUD replaces the roll in the drawer._] Ring the bell.
+[_JIMMIE hands LILY the garters, relieving her of the mirror, and MRS.
+UPJOHN hastens to the fireplace and presses the bell-push
+continuously._] That'll do, Maud; _you_ hook it.
+
+MAUD.
+
+[_Going to the bedroom door._] Ha, ha, ha! Ho, ho, ho! That's how I
+like to hear her talk. Ha, ha, ha, ha!
+
+  [_MAUD vanishes into the bedroom, closing the door, and LILY, having
+  tied up her stockings, rises and comes to the settee._
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Still pressing the bell-push._] _Now_ I don't believe I've rung.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_At the uttermost tension._] Ah, stop it, mother; stop it! [_Sitting
+on the settee._] We're not calling the fire-brigade.
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_At the back of the settee, to LILY._] I'll wait in your bedroom till
+the men have been shown up, and sneak out that way. [_Bending over
+LILY._] Mind! If Nicko _is_ willing, after all, that you should make
+your choice----
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Advancing._] Yes, dearie, if 'e _is_ willing----
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Frantically._] I tell you I _have_ made it. I keep on telling you
+_I've chosen-- I've chosen-- I've chosen!_ [_Clenching her hands._]
+If you torment me any more, either of you----!
+
+  [_MRS. UPJOHN and JIMMIE retreat precipitately to the bedroom door.
+  They open the door and then, standing in the doorway, listen
+  intently._
+
+JIMMIE.
+
+[_Disappearing._] Ah----!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Partially disappearing._] Ah--! [_Only her head visible, speaking to
+LILY in a hoarse whisper._] Mother's _'ere_, dearie.
+
+  [_The head is withdrawn and the door softly closed. After a pause,
+  GLADYS enters at the other door followed by JEYES and FARNCOMBE. The
+  men are carrying their hats and canes. GLADYS retires, closing the
+  door, and JEYES comes to LILY and shakes hands with her._
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_To LILY, gently._] How are you to-day, Lil? Very fagged?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Almost inaudibly._] I _am_ a little. [_JEYES turns from her, to lay
+his hat and cane upon the box-ottoman, and then FARNCOMBE, who has
+hung back, advances hesitatingly to the further side of the centre
+table and bows to LILY. She rises and, avoiding his eyes, gives him a
+limp hand across the table._] How d'ye do? [_To JEYES who, having got
+rid of his hat and cane, moves away from the ottoman._] Sit down,
+won't you? [_She resumes her seat upon the settee and JEYES, with a
+nod, sits in the arm-chair by the centre table. FARNCOMBE remains
+standing and again she addresses him without meeting his eyes._] And
+you?
+
+  [_FARNCOMBE, with another bow, sits upon the fauteuil-stool. There is
+  a brief silence and then JEYES speaks._
+
+JEYES.
+
+Lil----
+
+LILY.
+
+Y-yes?
+
+JEYES.
+
+In the first place, Farncombe wants you distinctly to understand how
+it is he's committing this breach of his compact with you. [_To
+FARNCOMBE._] You promised----?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+I promised never to attempt to come near Miss Parradell again, nor
+even to enter the theatre.
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_To LILY._] And if I'm any judge of a man, Lily, Farncombe would have
+kept his promise. He'd have kept it faithfully, but for _me_. I've
+brought him along-- insisted on it. [_Emphatically._] _I've brought
+him along._ See?
+
+LILY.
+
+W-w-why, Nicko?
+
+JEYES.
+
+I'll tell you, my dear. You remember, when we left you early this
+morning, ordering us to walk away together and to part good friends?
+
+LILY.
+
+P-perfectly.
+
+JEYES.
+
+Well, we did walk away together, and we did part good friends. But we
+didn't part at all till some hours later, in his rooms. We didn't part
+till I'd made him stand by me and listen to me while I had a long jaw
+with my brother on the 'phone.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Wonderingly._] With-- your----?
+
+JEYES.
+
+About that Rhodesian business.
+
+LILY.
+
+What Rhodesian business?
+
+JEYES.
+
+I mentioned it to you yesterday. Bob owns a third, with Peter Chalmers
+and Tom Dalby, of a group of farms near Bulawayo, and he's been
+badgering me eternally to cut this and to settle out there as their
+agent. [_Simply._] And I've accepted, old girl.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_With a blank face._] Ac-cepted?
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Grimly._] Leaving you to bring an action against me, to recover
+damages for a broken heart. [_Drawing a deep breath._] Yes, I'm
+chucking you, Lil. I give you formal notice of my intention; and you
+can drive down to your solicitors this afternoon and instruct them to
+writ me without delay. [_Forcing a laugh._] Ha, ha, ha!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Faintly._] Nicko----!
+
+JEYES.
+
+Unless-- unless you've an idea of consoling yourself shortly with--
+with another chap, and prefer not to carry the matter into Court.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_About to rise._] Nicko----!
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Restraining her by a gesture._] H'sh! No, no, no. [_She sinks
+back._] Ah, Lil-- Lil-- I know you're full of generous, honest
+impulses, though I _did_ tear you to rags in Farncombe's hearing a few
+hours ago. But I'm not going to allow you to sacrifice yourself to
+them; I-- I-- I've come to my senses, and I'm not going to permit it.
+[_Bending forward._] Oh, my dear, why should I make you pay for the
+weaknesses of my character? Because that's what it 'ud amount to. I've
+bullied you for having played skittles with my life, my career. So you
+_have_! Damn it, so you have! But you've done it out of blind
+thoughtlessness; and if I'd been a fairly strong man, with some
+ballast in me, you _couldn't_ have landed me where I am-- not you nor
+fifty Pandora girls! [_Sitting erect._] And that-- that's the moral of
+the tale; and-- and-- [_abruptly, to FARNCOMBE_] There's nothing more,
+is there, Farncombe?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Brokenly._] Except that-- that I'd like to repeat-- what I've
+already said to Jeyes-- that I-- [_his elbows on the table, his head
+bowed_] oh, you make me feel terribly small, Jeyes.
+
+  [_Again there is a pause, and then LILY struggles to her feet and
+  holds out her hand to JEYES uncertainly, and at once he rises and
+  takes her in his arms. FARNCOMBE also rises and, standing behind the
+  settee, turns his back to JEYES and LILY._
+
+LILY.
+
+[_To JEYES, choking._] Ah, Nicko-- I can't-- I can't----
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Patting her shoulder._] Ah----!
+
+LILY.
+
+Why, what-- what would become of my resolutions----?
+
+JEYES.
+
+Resolutions?
+
+LILY.
+
+To-- to raise you _up_, Nicko.
+
+JEYES.
+
+You _are_ raising me up-- setting me on my legs again.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_In a fright._] And-- and drawing Eddie into my net!
+
+JEYES.
+
+Oh, we've talked of that too, he and I. He's given me an account of
+what passed between you here. My dear girl, your conscience may be
+quite clear on that point. Nobody can ever reproach _you_ with trying
+to draw him into your net.
+
+LILY.
+
+They _would_-- they _would_----
+
+JEYES.
+
+At all events, the task you have to face now is to prove to the
+world-- _his_ world-- that Miss Parradell is equal to playing "lead"
+on a bigger stage than the stage of the Pandora. [_Holding her at
+arms' length and shaking her fondly._] And you'll _do_ it! Ho, ho, ho,
+ho! _You'll_ do it! Ha, ha, ha--! [_His voice dies away miserably and
+he releases her. Then, pulling himself together, he looks at his
+watch._] Well, I've got to lunch with Bob at half-past one at the
+Junior Carlton----
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Agitatedly._] Ah, it's not nearly that, Nicko; it's not nearly that!
+Nicko--! [_She passes him, moving towards the door on the left as if
+to intercept him, and then turns to him. A strip of ribbon lies upon
+the spot where she has been standing. After gazing at it for a moment,
+he stoops and picks it up._] Oh--! [_He folds the ribbon carefully and
+puts it into his pocket._] Oh--! [_Hitching up her stocking through
+her robe, piteously._] Ha, ha!
+
+JEYES.
+
+Ha, ha, ha----!
+
+  [_They face one another, laughing, and then she sits upon the
+  fauteuil-stool and drops her head upon the table and he fetches his
+  hat and cane from the box-ottoman._
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Weeping._] Nicko-- Nicko----!
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_Coming to her._] Oh, this isn't good-bye, Lil, not by any manner o'
+means, my dear. We'll kill the fatted calf several times before I
+start-- you, I, and the boy. Besides, by-and-by, you and he must take
+a trip and come out to see me. "Seringa Vale" is the farm where I
+shall be quartered, Bob tells me. [_Looking into space._] Jermyn
+Street to Seringa Vale! [_Shaking himself._] Ph'h, there are no great
+distances in these days! [_To FARNCOMBE, with a change of tone._]
+Farncombe-- [_FARNCOMBE comes forward._] You dine with me to-night,
+recollect; it's an engagement.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Yes.
+
+JEYES.
+
+Eight o'clock.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Eight o'clock.
+
+JEYES.
+
+Catani's.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Catani's.
+
+  [_Without looking at LILY again, JEYES goes to the door and opens it.
+  FARNCOMBE follows him and the two men halt in the doorway._
+
+JEYES.
+
+[_To FARNCOMBE, with a motion of his head towards LILY._] And
+afterwards-- _you_ fetch her from the theatre and take her home.
+That's _your_ job.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Rising._] Oh----!
+
+  [_FARNCOMBE goes out on to the landing with JEYES and parts from him
+  at the top of the stairs. Then FARNCOMBE slowly returns, closes the
+  door, and finds LILY sitting upon the settee in a woeful attitude._
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Coming to LILY and standing before her, thoughtfully._] Lily----
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Feebly._] Eh-- eh----?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+I'm afraid there's one thing finer than winning the woman you love
+and, when you've won her, being prepared to go through fire and water
+for her.
+
+LILY.
+
+What's that?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Having the courage to give her up, as Jeyes has done.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_With a renewed outburst._] Oh, Nicko! Poor Nicko! Poor Nicko!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Sitting beside her and taking her hand consolingly._] By George,
+he's a brick, isn't he!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_After a pause, drying her eyes._] Eddie----
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Yes?
+
+LILY.
+
+If-- if ever we marry----
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_His jaw falling._] _If----!_
+
+LILY.
+
+W-w-when, then. When we marry, you'll be obliged to resign your
+commission in the Guards, won't you?
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Snapping his fingers._] P'sh! I shan't care a rap about that.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Snatching her hand away._] The snobs! The snobs! They'd let you
+marry any bit of trash in your own set; but a Pandora girl, though
+she's as pure as the Queen of England----! Oh, the contemptible snobs!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Regaining possession of her hand._] H'sh! H'sh! It-- it's the
+practice----
+
+LILY.
+
+Blow the practice! A cheerful reflection for _me_, it'll be. The
+arrant snobs!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Stroking her hand._] Ah! Ah!
+
+LILY.
+
+And then-- poor mother! You-- you won't be very proud of poor mother.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Your mother? [_Boyishly._] Oh, she-- she's an awfully good sort.
+
+LILY.
+
+She hasn't an H. to her name.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Inadvertently._] She _oughtn't_ to have.
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Withdrawing her hand again, sharply._] She calls herself _H_upjohn,
+you mean!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Distressed._] No, no, no. [_In a difficulty._] Er-- at any rate, h's
+don't lead you to heaven, do they?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Gloomily._] You're right; mother's lead _her_ to _'eaven_. [_Rising
+and walking away._] Well, you'd better go now.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Rising._] And to-night----?
+
+LILY.
+
+No; I'll come home alone.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Lily----!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Imperatively._] Please----!
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+When----?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Moving to the door on the left._] Not for two or three days. Give me
+time to shake down over this.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Taking up his hat and cane which he has left upon the centre
+table._] Sunday?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Fretfully._] No.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+Monday?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Opening the door._] No.
+
+FARNCOMBE.
+
+[_Joining her at the door._] Tuesday?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Appealingly._] I-- I'll write. [_Again he takes her hand, she
+keeping him at a distance. He attempts to lessen the distance, but she
+checks him, shaking her head._] Not just yet, Eddie. [_He smiles at
+her tenderly and, with a bow, departs. From the doorway, she watches
+him disappear; then she shuts the door and wanders listlessly to the
+door of the bedroom. Her hand lingers upon the knob for a moment, and
+then she opens the door a little way and calls._] Mother! Mother----!
+
+  [_She leaves the door and is returning to the settee when MRS. UPJOHN
+  enters._
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_All agog._] Yes, Lil? [_LILY seats herself upon the settee without
+speaking._] Yes, dearie; yes? [_Advancing to the centre table._] 'Ave
+they given you your choice?
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Dully._] No; they've given me no choice.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Advancing further._] Wot----?
+
+LILY.
+
+Nicko's going out to South Africa, mother.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+South Africa!
+
+LILY.
+
+Well, to Rhodesia.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Then you're free, Lil!
+
+LILY.
+
+No, I'm not.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Not!
+
+LILY.
+
+Nicko-- Nicko's handed me over, mother.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+'Anded you over!
+
+LILY.
+
+To-- to Lord Farncombe.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Gasping._] An' you an' the young gentleman----!
+
+LILY.
+
+I-- I suppose so.
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Oh--! [_Sinking into the arm chair by the centre table._] Oh, the dear
+Captain!
+
+LILY.
+
+[_Transferring herself from the settee to MRS. UPJOHN'S lap._] Oh! Oh!
+Oh! [_Putting her arms round MRS. UPJOHN'S neck._] Oh, poor Nicko!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+[_Soothingly._] 'E'll 'ave 'is reward, Lil; 'e'll 'ave 'is reward
+'ereafter.
+
+LILY.
+
+And poor Carlton Smythe! Oh, poor Carlton!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+Poor Carlton----?
+
+LILY.
+
+He's losing every one of his best girls, mother. Gwennie Harker--
+Maidie Trevail-- Eva Shafto-- and now _me_! Oh, poor Carlton!
+
+MRS. UPJOHN.
+
+'Ush, dearie; 'ush! Don't consider _'im_! [_Rocking LILY to and fro
+like a baby._] Think-- think wot a lot o' good you're all doin' to the
+aristocracy!
+
+  [_The door on the left opens and JIMMIE and ROPER look in gleefully
+  and then tiptoe towards LILY and MRS. UPJOHN._
+
+
+  THE END.
+
+
+
+
+_All applications respecting amateur performances of this play must
+be made to Sir Arthur Pinero's agents, Samuel French, Limited,
+Southampton St., London, W.C._
+
+
+
+
+  Printed By
+  Ballantyne & Company Ltd
+  At The Ballantyne Press
+  Tavistock Street Covent Garden
+  London
+
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+           *       *       *       *
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+
+ERRATA (noted by transcriber)
+
+First Act:
+  I prophesy that Mr. Morgan's picture
+    _text has comma for period_
+  N-n-o, thank you, Captain, and I-- I'm afraid----
+    _text has "I I-I'm afraid----": changed to match all others_
+
+Second Act:
+  STIDULPH has seated himself wearily in the armchair
+    _text unchanged: everywhere else hyphenated "arm-chair"_
+  It _is_ a pleasure, meeting all you girls to-night.
+    _hyphen invisible_
+  Karl----
+    _text has no visible punctuation after "Karl"_
+
+Third Act:
+  [_Gazing at DAPHNE stupidly ..._
+    _"at" printed in Roman (non-italic) type_
+  Say you'll take time to consider.
+    _final period missing or invisible_
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of Project Gutenberg's The 'Mind the Paint' Girl, by Arthur Pinero
+
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