initial commit of ebook 22115HEADmain

1 files changed, 4010 insertions, 0 deletions

diff --git a/22115.txt b/22115.txt
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..b547e48
--- /dev/null
+++ b/22115.txt
@@ -0,0 +1,4010 @@
+Project Gutenberg's A Fantasy of Mediterranean Travel, by S. G. Bayne
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: A Fantasy of Mediterranean Travel
+
+Author: S. G. Bayne
+
+Release Date: July 22, 2007 [EBook #22115]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A FANTASY OF MEDITERRANEAN TRAVEL ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Al Haines
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration: Cover Art]
+
+
+
+
+
+
+[Frontispiece: S. G. Bayne]
+
+
+
+
+
+
+A FANTASY OF
+
+MEDITERRANEAN TRAVEL
+
+
+BY
+
+S. G. BAYNE
+
+
+
+AUTHOR OF
+
+  "QUICKSTEPS THROUGH SCANDINAVIA"
+  "ON AN IRISH JAUNTING-CAR" ETC.
+
+
+
+ILLUSTRATED
+
+
+
+HARPER & BROTHERS PUBLISHERS
+
+NEW YORK AND LONDON
+
+MCMIX
+
+
+
+
+Copyright, 1909, by HARPER & BROTHERS.
+
+_All rights reserved_.
+
+Published October, 1909.
+
+
+
+
+PLACES VISITED ON THIS CRUISE
+
+AND DESCRIBED
+
+WITH PERSONAL EXPERIENCES
+
+
+  MADEIRA
+   SPAIN
+    CADIZ
+     SEVILLE
+      ALHAMBRA
+       ALGIERS
+        MALTA
+         GREECE
+          TURKEY
+           CONSTANTINOPLE
+            ASIA MINOR
+             SMYRNA
+              HOLY LAND
+               JERUSALEM
+                RIVER JORDAN
+                 JERICHO
+                  DEAD SEA
+                   EGYPT
+                    CAIRO
+                     THE NILE
+                      MESSINA
+                       NAPLES
+                        POMPEII
+                         ROME
+                          VILLEFRANCHE
+                           NICE
+                            MONTE CARLO
+                             ENGLAND
+
+
+
+
+ILLUSTRATIONS
+
+
+THE AUTHOR . . . . . . . . . . . . _Frontispiece_
+
+FUNCHAL, THE LONG BRANCH OF MADEIRA; NICE BALMY PLACE
+  FOR A REST AFTER A PANIC.  STEAMER LEAVES LONDON
+  TWICE A WEEK.  HOTEL ACCOMMODATIONS BY CABLE
+
+THE PARTHENON, ATHENS, GREECE--THE MOST IMPRESSIVE RUIN
+  IN EXISTENCE
+
+THE HISTORICAL PART OF ATHENS, GREECE--PANORAMA OF THE
+  GREAT RUINED GROUPS
+
+CONSTANTINOPLE AND THE GOLDEN HORN CROSSED BY THE GALATA
+  BRIDGE, WITH STAMBOUL IN THE FOREGROUND.  THE YOUNG
+  TURKS PRESENTED THIS AS THE FIRST SNAP OF THEIR
+  OFFICIAL CAMERA.  LATER THEY "DEDICATED" THE BRIDGE
+  BY HANGING THE FIRST BATCH OF MURDERERS ON IT
+
+THESE SANDOWS OF STAMBOUL ARE CONSIDERED A HUSKY TRIO,
+  EVEN IN THIS CITY OF STRONG MEN.  IF THESE KEGS ARE
+  FILLED WITH SOUR MASH THEY'RE A MENACE TO THE WHISKEY
+  TRUST AND OUGHT TO BE TAXED ACCORDINGLY
+
+THE ABDICATION OF THE SULTAN, ABDUL HAMID II.--HIS LAST
+  RIDE THROUGH THE STREETS OF CONSTANTINOPLE
+
+MEHEMET V., THE NEW SULTAN, AFTER THE INVESTITURE,
+  LEAVING THE MOSQUE
+
+HANGING THREE LEADERS OF THE ARMENIAN MASSACRE ON THE
+  GALATA BRIDGE, CONSTANTINOPLE, MAY 3, 1909
+
+"THE MOOSKI," CAIRO.  THERE ARE MILES OF STREETS IN THIS
+  ARTISTIC MARKET WHERE RUGS, TAPESTRIES, LACES, AND
+  ORIENTAL _BRIC-A-BRAC_ MAY BE SECURED BY THE ANXIOUS
+  AT AN ALARMING SACRIFICE.  EVERY MINUTE IS A BARGAIN DAY
+
+SAMPLES Of CONSTANTINOPLE'S BRAND OF "WHITE WINGS."  IT'S
+  A SIGHT FOR GODS AND MEN TO SEE THESE JOLLY DOGS GOBBLE
+  THE TURKISH TIDBITS AFTER THE SUN HAS SET
+
+A CROWD AT THE CHURCH OF THE HOLY SEPULCHRE, JERUSALEM,
+  WAITING FOR THE DOORS TO OPEN.  EACH TRIBE IS IMPATIENT
+  TO ENTER AND OCCUPY ITS OWN SPACE
+
+THIS IS QUEEN HATSHEPSET'S DE-AL-BAHARA TEMPLE AT THEBES,
+  ORNAMENTED WITH FINE GOLD.  THE ORIGINAL METHODS BY
+  WHICH "HATTY" SWIPED THE MONEY TO BUILD THIS TEMPLE
+  LEAVE WALL STREET TIED TO THE HITCHING POST AT THE
+  SUB-TREASURY STEPS
+
+OUR HOSPITABLE HOST AND HOSTESS IN THEIR SALON WHERE
+  THEY ENTERTAINED US AT JERUSALEM
+
+THE MOSQUE OF OMAR, JERUSALEM--"THE FINEST BUILDING
+  IN THE EAST."  THE TURKS AND MOHAMMEDANS WASH THEIR
+  FEET IN THE DRINKING FOUNTAINS HERE, BUT THAT, OF
+  COURSE, IS A MERE DETAIL.  IT CLEARLY SHOWS, HOWEVER,
+  THE COURAGEOUS FREEDOM AND _SANS SOUCI_ OF THE PEOPLE
+
+THE WAILING PLACE, JERUSALEM. THE LESS SAID ABOUT THIS,
+  THE BETTER
+
+THE DEAD SEA WITH THE LONE FISHERMAN IN FRONT.  HE HAS
+  JUST HEARD THAT THE FISH ARE NOT BITING AND IS SOMEWHAT
+  DEPRESSED IN CONSEQUENCE
+
+RIVER JORDAN, WHERE WE CROSSED ON A FERRY-BOAT; THE ONLY
+  REASON FOR DOING IT WAS TO TRY A VOYAGE WITHOUT
+  STEWARDS' FEES
+
+POOL OF SILOAM, JERUSALEM, HOLY LAND
+
+VIRGIN'S FOUNTAIN, HOLY LAND
+
+THE TOWER OF DAVID, JERUSALEM
+
+THE SPHINX--THE GRAND OLD GIRL OF ALL SCULPTURE.  THE
+  SUN'S KISS WAS THE ONLY ONE SHE EVER HAD.  THE QUEEN
+  OF POST-CARDS, TO WHICH THE PYRAMID BEHIND HER RUNS A
+  CLOSE SECOND
+
+RAMESES II
+
+ARAB TYPES--CAMEL DRIVERS--SUNBURNT SNOWBALLS OF THE NILE
+
+"RAM" IN THE LIME-LIGHT, WITH THE INEVITABLE GOATEE.  THE
+  ONLY WAY HE COULD TRIM IT WAS WITH A BLAST OF DYNAMITE
+
+OUR OWN NILE DONKEY, "BALLY-HOO-BEY."  KNEW HIS BUSINESS
+  LIKE A BOOK, BUT OBJECTED TO THE TOD SLOAN RIDE (SPOKEN
+  OF IN THE TEXT)--A WILD WEST EFFORT IN THE FAR EAST.
+  ALI BABA, JR., IN THE SADDLE
+
+TEMPLE OF LUXOR ON THE NILE.  "RAM" IS VERY MUCH IN
+  EVIDENCE, BUT ONLY A SMALL PART OF HIS SCULPTURAL
+  OUTPUT IS SEEN, AS THE STONE-CUTTERS' LIENS HAVE NOT
+  YET BEEN SATISFIED
+
+ANOTHER PART OF KARNAK; ONLY ONE MAN ON THE JOB, BUT HE IS
+  QUITE EQUAL TO ALL ITS REQUIREMENTS AND EMERGENCIES
+
+PILLARS OF THOTHMES III, KARNAK, EGYPT, WITH TWO YOUNG MEN
+  ON THE LOOKOUT FOR BUSINESS.  THEY ARE BOTH WORTHY OF
+  EVERY ENCOURAGEMENT
+
+OBELISK OF THOTHMES I AND QUEEN HAPSHEPSET XVIII DYNASTY.
+  TWO FINE OBELISKS IN THE TEMPLE OF KARNAK--A LITTLE
+  TOPSY-TURVY LOOKING AND VERY MUCH IN NEED OF REPAIRS
+
+THIS IS WHERE "RAM" FELL DOWN AND HAS NEVER SINCE BEEN
+  "LIFTED."  IT TAKES _PIASTRES_ TO PUT SUCH A BIG MAN
+  ON HIS FEET.  STONY MACADAM, PRESIDENT OF THE BAKSHISH
+  TRUST & TIPPING COMPANY, WITH HIS CASHIER AND ENTIRE
+  BOARD OF DIRECTORS IN ATTENDANCE.  IT'S A TOUGH PROBLEM
+  "STONY" CAN'T SOLVE IF THERE'S MONEY BEHIND IT
+
+THE ARCH OF CONSTANTINE, ROME--ONE OF THE FINEST EXTANT.
+  THE EMPEROR THOUGHT IT ALL OUT AND PLANNED IT TO
+  ASTONISH POSTERITY, AND INCIDENTALLY TO RECORD HIS OWN
+  GREATNESS
+
+THE FORUM, ROME'S GREATEST HISTORICAL CLUB, WHERE EVERY
+  MAN HAD A HEARING IF HE HAD ANYTHING TO SAY.  SOME GREAT
+  THINGS WERE SAID THERE AND THOUGHTS COINED WHICH ARE
+  PASSING CURRENT AS OUR OWN TO-DAY
+
+THE BATHS OF CARACALLA, ROME, WHERE THE ROMANS HAD THE
+  BEST TIMES OF THEIR LIVES AND WERE ALWAYS IN THE PICTURE
+  WHILE IT LASTED
+
+
+
+
+A FANTASY OF MEDITERRANEAN TRAVEL
+
+
+A DREAM OF ANTICIPATION
+
+(_The spirit of the cruise_)
+
+  The _King of Cork_ was a funny ship
+    As ever ploughed the maine:
+  She kep' no log, she went whar she liked;
+    So her Cap'n warn't to blaime.
+
+  The Management was funnier still.
+    We always thought it dandy--
+  Till it wrecked us on the Golden Horn,
+    When we meant to land at Kandy.
+
+  The Cap'n ran the boat ashore
+    In aerated waters;
+  The Purser died by swallowin' gas,
+    Thus windin' up these matters.
+
+    _L'Envoi_
+
+  Fate's relentless finger,
+    Points to the Purser's doom:
+  He gulped the seltzer quickly--
+    Then bust with an air-tight boom!
+
+
+Taking my cue from this short, spasmodic dream I had one evening in a
+steamer chair, of what I imagined was to happen on our coming voyage, I
+started to scribble; and following the fantastic idea in the vision, I
+shall adopt the abbreviated name of _The Cork_, for our good
+ship--although some of the passengers preferred to call her _The
+Corker_, as she was big and fine, and justly celebrated among those who
+go down to the sea in fear and trembling.  The fame of this ship and
+her captain spread so far and wide that a worthy band of male and
+female pilgrims besought him to take them to foreign parts, for a
+consideration.
+
+There was great ado at starting, and when we finally steamed out of New
+York harbor past the "Goddess of Liberty" one fine morning, the air was
+rent with the screeching of steam sirens and the tooting of whistles.
+The "Goddess" stood calm and silent on her pedestal; she looked
+virtuous (which was natural to her, being made of metal), but her stoic
+indifference was somewhat upset by an icy stalactite that hung from her
+classic nose.  One of the passengers remarked that Bartholdi ought to
+have supplied her with a handkerchief, but this suggestion was
+considered flippant by his Philistine audience, and it made no
+impression whatever.
+
+The list of passengers stood at seven hundred, and an extensive
+programme of entertainments was promoted for their amusement,
+consisting of balls, lectures, glees, games of bridge whist and
+progressive euchre, concerts, readings, and a bewildering schedule of
+functions, too numerous to mention; in fact, it was a case of three
+rings under one tent and a dozen side shows.
+
+The passenger list comprised many examples of eccentric characters,
+rarely found outside of the pages of Dickens; the majority, however,
+were very interesting and refined people, and the exceptional types
+only served to accentuate the desirability and variety of their
+companionship on a voyage of this character.  Here is a description of
+some of them, exaggerated perhaps in places, but not far from the facts
+when the peculiar conditions surrounding them are fully considered.
+Many of them were doing their best to attract attention in a harmless
+way, and in most cases they succeeded, as there is really nothing so
+immaterial that it escapes all notice from our fellows.
+
+For instance, there was a human skyscraper, a giant, who had an immense
+pyramid of tousled hair--a Matterhorn of curls and pomatum--who gloried
+in its possession and scorned to wear hat, bonnet or cap.  When it
+rained he went out to enjoy a good wetting, and came back a dripping
+bear.  The sight made those of us who had but little hair atop our
+pates green with envy, as all we could now hope for was not hair but
+that the shellac finish on our polls might be dull and not shiny.  This
+man also sat or stood in the sun by the hour to acquire that brick-red
+tan that is "quite English, you know;" and he got it, but it did not
+altogether match with the other coloring which nature had bestowed upon
+him.  Then we had a "fidgetarian," who was one of the unlaundered
+ironies of life; he could not keep still for a moment.  This specimen
+was from Throgg's Neck, and danced the carmagnole in concentric circles
+all by himself, twisting in and out between the waltzers evidently with
+the feeling that he was the "whole show," and that the other dancers
+were merely accessories to the draught he made, and followed in his
+wake.  He was a half portion in the gold-filled class, and a charter
+member of the Forty-second Street Country Club.
+
+We were also honored by the presence of Mrs. Handy Jay Andy, of
+Alexandry, who had "stunted considerable" in Europe, and was anxious to
+repeat the performance in the Levant.  She didn't carry a pug dog, but
+she thought a "lady" ought to tote round with her something in
+captivity, so she compromised on a canary, which she bought in Smyrna,
+where all the good figs come from.  She was a colored supplement to
+high-toned marine society.
+
+No collection of this kind would be complete without a military
+officer, and we had him all right; we called him "the General," a man
+who jested at scars and who had a beard out of which a Pullman pillow
+might be easily constructed.  On gala nights he decorated himself with
+medals, and on the whole was a very ornamental piece of human
+_bric-a-brac_.  Of course we had the man with the green--but not too
+French green--hat.  He had a curly duck's tail, dyed green, sticking up
+in its rear, so that the view from the back would resemble Emperor
+William.  He attracted attention, but somehow seemed like an empty
+green bottle thrown in the surf.
+
+Some of the ladies had their little peculiarities also.  There was Mrs.
+Galley-West from North Fifth Avenue, New York, a "widow-lady," whose
+name went up on the social electric-light sign when she began to ride
+home in a limousine.  She stated that everybody who was anybody in that
+great city knew who _she_ was and all about her.  Nobody disputed her
+statements.  As time elapsed she became very confidential, and one day
+stated that she was matrimonially inclined and intimated that she would
+welcome an introduction to an aged millionaire in delicate health, as
+it might result in her being able to carry out some ambitious plans she
+had made in "philomathy."  By the time we reached Cairo she had lowered
+her figures to a very modest amount--but she is still a widow.
+
+The human mushroom was also in evidence--the girl narrow and straight
+up-and-down, like a tube ending in a fishtail, with a Paquin wrap and a
+Virot hat, reinforced with a steel net wire neck-band--the very latest
+fads from Paris.  Her gowns were grand, her hats were great, I tell
+you!  When some one was warbling at the piano, she would put her elbow
+on the lid of the "baby grand," face the audience, and strike a
+stained-glass attitude that would make Raphael's cartoons look like
+subway posters.
+
+[Illustration: FUNCHAL THE LONG BRANCH OF MADEIRA; NICE BALMY PLACE FOR
+A REST AFTER A PANIC.  STEAMER LEAVES LONDON TWICE A WEEK.  HOTEL
+ACCOMMODATIONS BY CABLE]
+
+Among those present who came all the way from Medicine Hat was the
+cowboy girl, who could ride a mustang, toss a steer with a lariat,
+shoot a bear or climb a tree.  She wore a sombrero, rolled up her
+sleeves, and was just _dying_ to show what she could do if she had only
+half a chance.  She got it when we came to the donkey rides in Egypt.
+She was a "Dreadnaught girl," sure enough.
+
+The claims of the pocket "Venus" from the "Soo," must not be forgotten.
+She was small and of the reversible, air-cooled, selective type, but as
+perfect as anything ever seen in a glass case.  She wore a spray of
+soft-shell crab-apple blossoms in her hair, which stamped her with the
+bloom of Arcady.  She spilled her chatter lavishly, and had the small
+change of conversation right at her finger-tips.  She had an
+early-English look, and was deservedly popular with the boys.
+
+The beet-sugar man from Colorado also had his place.  This specialist
+put his table to sleep before we lost sight of land.  He stifled his
+listeners with sugar statistics, informing them how many tons of beets
+the State produced and what they were worth in money; how much to
+expect from an acre, and the risks and profits of the industry: a
+collection of facts that were the mythology of alleged truth.  If you
+were good the gods would make you a sugar-king in the world to come,
+and Colorado was to be financially sugar-cured in the sweet by-and-by.
+His whole song was a powerful anaesthetic, and many at the table did
+not know the meal was over till the steward woke them up.
+
+One among our crowd who really mattered was a tall, gloomy, dyspeptic
+man, hard to approach, but once known he never failed to harp on his
+favorite string,--the old masters and the Barbizon school of painting.
+This man had all the ready veneer of the art connoisseur.  He used to
+talk by the hour about the great pictures he had seen, and gave each
+artist a descriptive niche for what he thought him famous: such as, the
+_expression_ of Rubens; the _grace_ of Raphael; the _purity_ of
+Domenichino; the _correggiosity_ of Correggio; the _learning_ of
+Poussin; the _air_ of Guido; the _taste_ of Coraceis, and the _drawing_
+of Michelangelo.  This, of course, was all Greek to most of us, but it
+raised the tone of the smoking-room and enveloped the entire ship in a
+highly artistic atmosphere which no odors from the galley could
+overcome.  Incidentally I may say, however, he didn't know all about
+them, for one day a wag set a trap for him by saying he had had a fine
+bit of Botticelli at dinner.
+
+"My dear sir," exclaimed our "authority," "Botticelli isn't a cheese;
+he was a famous fiddler!"
+
+"I have always had an impression he was an old master," said another
+passenger, who was an amused listener.
+
+It is impossible for any large body of travelers to escape the man who
+by every device tries to impress his fellows with the idea that he is a
+Mungo Park on his travels, and so our harmless impostor had his
+"trunkage" plastered with labels from all parts of the world, sold to
+him by hotel porters, who deal in them.  He wore the fez, of course,
+and sported a Montenegrin order on his lapel; he had Turkish slippers;
+he carried a Malacca cane; he wrapped himself in a Mohave blanket and
+he wore a Caracas carved gold ring on his four-in-hand scarf.  But his
+crowning effort was in wearing the great traveling badge, the English
+fore-and-aft checked cap, with its ear flaps tied up over the crown,
+leaving the front and rear scoops exposed.  Not all of the passengers
+carried this array of proofs, but many dabbled in them just a little
+bit.  It doesn't do, however, when assuming this role to have had your
+hair cut in Rome, New York, or to have bought your "pants" in Paris,
+Texas, for if you are guilty in those matters you will give the
+impression of being a mammoth comique on his annual holiday.
+
+The dear lady who delights in "piffle," and to whom "pifflage" is the
+very breath of life, had also her niche in our affairs.  She hailed
+from Egg Harbor and was an antique guinea hen of uncertain age.  When
+you are thinking of the "white porch of your home," she will tell you
+she "didn't sleep a wink last night!" that "the eggs on this steamer
+are not what they ought to be," that the cook doesn't know how to boil
+them, and that as her husband is troubled with insomnia her son is
+quite likely to run down from the harbor to meet her at the landing two
+months hence.  Then she will turn to the query by asking if you think
+the captain is a fit man to run this steamer; if the purser would be
+likely to change a sovereign for her; what tip she should give her
+steward; whether you think Mrs. Galley-West's pearls are real, and
+whether the Customs are as strict with passengers as they used to be;
+whether any real cure for seasickness has yet been found, and why are
+they always painting the ship?  Not being able to think of anything
+else she leaves her victim, to his infinite relief.  Oh you! iridescent
+humming-bird!
+
+The men who yacht and those who motor are of course anxious to attract
+attention.  The freshwater yachtsman (usually river or pond), plants
+his insignia of office on his cap.  It is generally a combination of a
+spread-eagle and a "hydriad," surrounded by the stars and stripes.
+These things lift him above the level of those who would naturally be
+his peers, and effect his purpose.  The motorer sports his car duster
+on all possible occasions, and thinks his goggles are necessary to
+protect his eyes from the glare of the sun on the deck of the steamer.
+He has large studs of motors, and always proposes to keep in front of
+the main squeeze.  The chatter relating to cars and yachts when these
+men were in evidence was insistent and incessant.  You were never
+allowed to forget for a moment that they owned cars, power boats and
+runabouts, and that their tours averaged thousands of miles.  The man
+from the stogie sections does not, of course, fear to fire his fusee in
+this company and he always does it--it keeps up the steam.
+
+A row of three extinct volcanoes was frequently to be seen seated side
+by side in the smoking-room, where they recounted the scenes of their
+youth with evident gusto.  One would recall the days of '49, spring of
+'50, and tell his companions all about the excitement of mining in
+those early times,--"Glorious climate, California!" was the way he
+usually wound up his reminiscences.  Another would draw his picture of
+the firing on Fort Sumter, and would assert that the battle of Antietam
+in which he took part was the hottest of the war.  The favorite topic
+of the third raconteur was the flush times on Oil Creek in the early
+'60's, when he had drilled a dry hole near "Colonel Drake's" pioneer
+venture.  And so it would go till it was time to "douse the glim."  One
+thing they all agreed on--that the whiskey was good but the drinks were
+small on the _Cork_.
+
+[Illustration: THE PARTHENON, ATHENS, GREECE--THE MOST IMPRESSIVE RUIN
+IN EXISTENCE]
+
+There was a young southern Colonel on board who was a charming
+companion and a good-natured, all-round fellow, always willing to do
+anything for anybody, young or old.  The ladies soon found out his
+weakness, and they "pulled his leg" "right hard," as he would have put
+it.  When ashore he bought them strawberries, ice-cream, wine,
+confectionery, lemonade, and anything else he could think of.  He was a
+veritable packhorse, and many times when he was already loaded with
+impedimenta they would, as a matter of course, toss him wraps,
+umbrellas and fans, followed by photo's, _bric-a-brac_ and other
+purchases, till the man was fairly loaded to the gunwales.  This they
+would do with an airy grace all their own, remarking perhaps:
+
+"Here, Colonel, I see you haven't much to carry; take this on board for
+me like a good boy, won't you?"
+
+He stood the strain like a Spartan to the bitter end, and when the trip
+was over he, like Lord Ullen, was left lamenting in the shuffle of the
+forgotten, and didn't even get a kiss in the final good-byes, when they
+fell as thick as the leaves in Vallombrosa.
+
+The most picturesque and amusing man on board was a Mexican rubber
+planter from Guadalajara, known on the ship's list as Senor Cyrano de
+Bergerac.  He hadn't a Roman nose--but that's a mere detail; he had a
+Numidian mane of blue-black hair which swung over his collar so that he
+looked like the leader of a Wild West show.  He was a contradiction in
+terms: his voice proclaimed him a man of war, while all the fighting he
+ever did, so far as we knew, was with the flies on the Nile.  To look
+at him was to stand in the presence of a composite picture of
+Agamemnon, Charles XII. and John L. Sullivan; but to hear him
+_shout_--ah! that voice was the megaphone of Boanerges!  It held tones
+that put a revolving spur on every syllable and gave a dentist-drill
+feeling as they ploughed their way through space.  It was alleged that
+when he struck his plantation and shouted at the depot as he leaped
+from the train that he had arrived, all the ranch hands fell down and
+crossed themselves, thinking it was the sound of the last trump and
+their time had come.  We have no actual proof of it, but undoubtedly
+these announcements were heard on Mars, and might better be utilized as
+signals to that planet than anything that has yet been suggested.  He
+had a fatal faculty of stringing together big words from Webster's
+"Unabridged," and connecting them with conjunctions quite irrespective
+of the sense, so that the product was like waves of hot air from a
+vast, reverberating furnace.  It was the practice of this orator to
+jump from his seat at all gatherings without warning, and make
+detonating announcements on all kinds of subjects to the utterly
+helpless passengers, the captain, the officers and the stewards.  These
+hardy sons of the sea, who had often faced imminent danger, would
+visibly flinch, set their faces and cover their ears till the ordeal
+was over.  But they were never safe, as he made two or three
+announcements daily, and they had to listen to his thunder in all parts
+of the ship till it returned to New York.  His incessant shouting was a
+flock of dinosauria in the amber of repose; it upset our nerves, but as
+it added to our opportunities for killing time, many forgave him and
+thought him well worth the price of admission.  In many respects his
+disposition was kindly and generous; but oh, my! how he could and did
+talk!
+
+There were two men with us who represented a type known to the _Cork's_
+other passengers as "the Impressionists."  When they came on board
+orders were given in a loud voice as to the disposal of their luggage,
+the chauffeurs were asked whether everything had been taken from the
+cars, and the travelers then made their way to the chief steward.
+After receiving a tip, that personage became satisfied that they were
+deep enough in dry goods to entitle them to seats at an officer's
+table, which were given them.  Their opportunity came next day when
+they had donned their "glad rags," and stood in the centre of the
+smoking-room.  A few minutes before the dinner gong sounded they drank
+a Martini, and looked over the heads of the crowd with an air of
+conscious superiority.  Dinner started, they surrounded themselves with
+table waters and Rhine wines, ostentatiously popping corks and making a
+great show of "bottlage" for very little money.  When they left their
+seats they were _the_ men of the ship--in their own estimation; but
+they had shot their bolt and could go no further, so they settled down
+in a condition of social decay that became very distressing.  This
+recalls an incident of Thackeray's: he once saw an unimportant looking
+man strutting along the deck of a steamer.  Stepping up to him he said:
+
+"Excuse me, sir, but are you any person in particular?"
+
+Now we reach the post-card mania.  This is the most pernicious disease
+that has ever seized humanity since the days of the Garden of Eden, and
+in no better place can it be seen at its worst than on a steamer
+calling at foreign ports: once it gets a foothold it supplants almost
+all other vices and becomes a veritable Frankenstein.  It is harder to
+break away from this habit than from poker, gossiping, strong drink,
+tobacco, or even eating peas with your knife if you have been brought
+up that way.  The majority of the "Corks" when landing at a port would
+not have stopped to say "Good morning" to Adam, to take a peep at Bwana
+Tumbo's hides and horns, or to pick up the Declaration of Independence
+if it lay at their feet--in their eager rush to load up with the cards
+necessary to let all their friends know that they had arrived at any
+given place on the map.  This is but the first act in the drama, for
+stamps must be found, writing places must be secured, pencils, pens and
+ink must be had, together with a mailing list as long as to-day and
+to-morrow.  The smoking-room is invaded, the lounge occupied, and every
+table, desk and chair in the writing-room is preempted, to the
+exclusion of all who are not addressing post-cards.  Although we toiled
+like electrified beavers we got behind on the schedule, so that those
+who did not finish at Malta had to work hard to get their cards off at
+Constantinople, and so on through the trip.  The chariot of Aurora
+would hardly hold their output at a single port.  At the start it was a
+mild, pleasurable fad, but later it absorbed the victim's mind to such
+an extent that he thought of nothing but the licking of stamps and
+mailing of cards to friends--who get so many of them that they are for
+the most part considered a nuisance and after a hasty glance are
+quietly dropped in the waste-basket.  Many had such an extensive
+collection of mailing lists that it became necessary to segregate them
+into divisions; in some cases these last were labeled for
+classification, "Atlantic Coast Line," "Middle West," "Canadian
+Provinces," "New England," "Europe," etc.  Again they were subdivided
+into trades and professions, such as lawyers, ministers, politicians,
+stock brokers, real estate agents, bankers (in jail and out of it),
+dermatologists and "hoss-doctors."  This habit obtained such a hold on
+people who were otherwise respectable that they would enter into any
+"fake," to gratify their obsession.  Some of the "Corks" did not tour
+Spain but remained on the ship; many of these would get up packages of
+cards, dating them as if at Cadiz, Seville or Granada, and request
+those who were landing to mail them at the proper places, so as to
+impose on their friends at home.  I felt no hesitancy, after silently
+receiving my share of this fraud, in quietly dropping them overboard as
+a just punishment for this impertinence.  Incidents like this will
+account in part for the non-delivery of post-cards and the
+disappointment of those who did not receive them.
+
+Our Purser had what is known in tonsorial circles as a "walrus" or
+drooping moustache; he was plied with so many foolish questions in
+regard to this mailing business that he became very nervous and tugged
+vigorously at this ornament whenever something new was sprung on him.
+It is said that water will wear a hole in stone, and so it came to pass
+that he pulled his moustache out, hair by hair, till there were left
+only nine on a side.  The style of his adornment was then necessarily
+changed to the "baseball," by which it was known to the "fans" on board.
+
+The handling of this enormous output has already become an
+international postal problem of grave importance in many countries; the
+mails have been congested and demoralized, and thousands of important
+letters have been delayed because Mrs. Galley-West would have her
+friends on Riverside Drive thoroughly realize that she has got as far
+as Queenstown on her triumphal tour, and that she and all the little
+Galley-Wests are "feeling quite well, I thank you."
+
+The ultimate fate of the post-card mania is as yet undecided.  It may,
+like the measles or the South Sea Bubble, run its course and that will
+end it; on the other hand, it may grow to such proportions that it will
+shut out all human endeavor and bring commercial pursuits to a complete
+standstill.  In any case its foundations are laid in vanity and
+egotism, and that will eventually prove its undoing.
+
+
+
+MADEIRA
+
+We lit right out for Madeira, and after a pleasant but uneventful
+voyage cast anchor in the harbor of Funchal, the capital, in less than
+nine days.
+
+The Madeira Islands are owned by Portugal, but the natives all wish
+they were not and are most anxious to get under Uncle Sam's wing, _a
+la_ Porto Rico.  The islands are of volcanic origin and some of the
+mountain peaks are over six thousand feet high.  The climate is
+delightful and the variation in temperature is not much over thirty
+degrees.  Semi-tropical vegetation and flowers abound everywhere, and
+the place is beautifully clad with verdure.  The natives have "that
+tired feeling," and do just as little work as will earn them a scanty
+living.  They, however, blame this condition on the Government.
+
+The group was at one time celebrated for its wines, but a blight came
+on the vines and the business of wine-making is greatly reduced;
+besides, Madeira wine has gone out of fashion of late years.
+
+
+FUNCHAL
+
+The Madeirans dress like comic opera bandits and are very picturesque
+in appearance, and while they look like Lord Byron's corsairs, they
+never cut a throat nor scuttle a ship under any circumstances; they are
+the mildest of men.  While strolling in the public market I noticed a
+bit of local color: one of the fierce looking pirates had for sale half
+a dozen little red pigs with big, black, polka dots on them.  I stopped
+to look at them and the corsair insisted that I should buy one at least
+and take it with me for a souvenir.
+
+The principal feature of the place is that wheels are at a discount and
+most of the locomotion is done by sliding.  The streets and sidewalks
+are paved with large, oblong pebbles which become highly polished by
+friction.  Over these the sleds, with oxen attached to them, glide with
+ease, at the rate of three miles an hour.  On this account it's the
+most tiresome place to walk in that I know of.  Even most of the
+natives have stone-bruised feet and "hirple" along as if finishing a
+six-day walk in "the Garden."
+
+While we were there a Portuguese man-of-war entered the harbor and
+there was a great waste of powder both from the forts and the
+battle-ship.  The harbor was filled with little boats containing boys
+and men who dive for the coins thrown into the water for them by the
+passengers.  They never fail to reach the money.
+
+I asked a gentlemanly native where the flower market was and he very
+politely walked with me for three blocks and landed me in front of a
+flour mill.  I explained his mistake and he then insisted on taking me
+to where they sold flowers, at which point we had an elaborate
+fare-welling--hat-lifting, laughing and handshaking.  I asked him to
+visit me in New York, but he said with marked sadness in his voice that
+he hadn't the price and therefore must forego the pleasure.
+
+The passenger list of the _Cork_ being a large and notable one, the
+City Club gave us a ball at the Casino.  It was alleged that the bluest
+blood on the island took part in this, the largest function of the
+season.
+
+Madeira has been described by a distinguished traveler as "a neglected
+paradise."  Part of this appearance is given it by the luxuriant growth
+of the Bougainvillea vine which has rich purple flowers, masses of
+which can be seen decorating the villas when one approaches Funchal
+from the sea.  Madeira is some three hundred miles from Africa, and yet
+when sand storms arise on that continent the sand is blown across the
+sea and great mounds of it are piled up on this island; arrangements
+have to be made to prevent it from entering the houses.
+
+The main island, Madeira, is thirty-three miles long and thirteen
+broad, with a population of 151,000.  Funchal has 50,000 inhabitants,
+and is a quaint and interesting city.  The island was known to the
+Romans, but was settled by Zargo in the interests of Portugal.
+Columbus married his wife at this port.  Captain Cook bombarded Funchal
+in 1768 and brought that city to his terms.  Napoleon was sent here on
+his way to St. Helena in 1815.  So, on the whole, Madeira has had a
+fair amount of checkered history.
+
+The Casino was started as an imitation of Monte Carlo, but caused such
+disaster that it was suppressed.  The Lisbon officials now visit it
+once a year to see that there is no gambling going on; the owners know
+when they sail and remove the tables, and after the "inspection" is
+over and the officials have returned home, business is resumed in
+safety and with the usual profit to the proprietors.
+
+[Illustration: THE HISTORICAL PART OF ATHENS, GREECE.  PANORAMA OF THE
+GREAT RUINED GROUPS]
+
+The _Cork_ is one of the marine giants, and when all the first-cabin
+rooms were sold the company painted up the second-cabin quarters and
+sold them at full first-class rates.  I joined the party only a few
+days before it started and was glad to get an outside, single room,
+about the size and shape of a Pullman section.  Its distinction was
+that it had a port-hole of its own through which I could freely admit
+the local climate.  When I first surveyed the contracted proportions of
+this stateroom, the paucity of its fittings and entire lack of the
+usual accommodations, I was filled as full of acute melancholia as an
+egg is of meat and had I not paid the passage money I would have bolted
+from the _Cork_ out into utter darkness; but I was "in for it," and
+determined to make the best of the situation; so I got some clothes
+lines and screw hooks, and with them constructed a labyrinth of handy
+landing nets for all my belongings, which resembled the telegraph wires
+on Tenth Avenue before Mayor Grant cut them down.  I also hung my top
+coat and mackintosh in convenient places, and used their pockets for
+storage vaults.  One pocket served as a complete medicine chest,
+another accommodated slippers, collars, cuffs and shaving tackle, while
+I utilized the sleeve openings (closed at the cuffs with safety pins),
+to hold a full line of clothes, hair and tooth brushes, and tied small
+things to the buttons, which shook with the vibration of the ship as
+sleigh-bells are shaken by the vaudeville artist when he plays _Comin'
+Through the Rye_ on them for an encore.  The whole arrangement was a
+marvelous and instantaneous success, and so proud was I of the
+achievement that I invited my neighbors to peep into the stateroom to
+see its glories and utilities.  Some of them proceeded at once to copy
+my best ideas--but that is the fate of all inventors.  However, they
+were grateful, for they named the passageway on which eight rooms
+opened, "Harp Alley," in honor of my nationality, and placed a card
+with this legend on it at the entrance:
+
+  HARP ALLEY
+
+  NIGHT & DAY HOUSE
+  On the South Corner
+  With a Port-Hole on the Side
+
+  Hot Meals
+  and
+  Other Entertainments
+  at all hours
+
+  "WE NEVER SLEEP"
+
+
+The rush of arrivals was so great that I was soon obliged to remove the
+sign and "close the house."
+
+But a great catastrophe was shortly to happen which cast a gloom over
+the Alley and plunged us into a miniature _Republic_ disaster.  A big
+salt water pipe was hung from the ceiling of the Alley passage; and
+what do you think! under strong pressure it burst with a loud noise one
+morning when we were dressing for breakfast and flooded the rooms of
+the entire colony before we could say "Jack Robinson!"  Such a
+scurrying into bath robes and jumping out of staterooms were never
+seen!  I felt that owing to my high standing and responsible position
+in the "Alley," and having in mind the fame of Binns (of the
+_Republic_, the "wireless" hero of Nantucket shoals), it was incumbent
+on me to ignore my personal effects and comfort in an attempt to save
+the ladies and their _lingerie_ at any price.  So I slipped on my
+trusty rain coat, and handed them out under a spread umbrella, one by
+one, to a place of safety, I being the very last man to leave the Alley
+and even then with reluctance.  But mind you, I never took my eyes off
+the floor! they were glued to it all the while this transfer was being
+made.  (Although when I afterward mentioned this circumstance, some
+lady slung the javelin into me from ambush by saying
+sarcastically--"Oh, yes indeed! 'glued to the floor' the way the
+average man's eyes are riveted to the sidewalk when he passes the
+Flatiron Building on a windy day!")  But I was determined to make it a
+wholesale sacrifice, and I did it!  This Spartan performance was
+generously rewarded, for I was added instanter to the _Cork's_ "Hall of
+Fame" as the "Hero of the Deluge."
+
+All our things were taken down to the furnace room and dried in a short
+time, and the Alley quickly regained its dignity and composure.  I had
+to repair the damages to my room, but soon got it in perfect running
+order again; with added improvements it became a veritable Bohemian
+dream and I would not have left it for worlds.  I could lie on my bed
+and get a drink of water without rising, reach for a cigar, sew on a
+missing button, open my treasury vaults to see how the funds were
+holding out, and when dressing could sit down on my only seat, a
+ten-cent camp stool, and take a short smoke while Steward Griffiths was
+filling my bath tub.  But I was far from civilization, as the
+first-cabin baths were up two deck flights, then down one and back
+through a passage underneath where you started from; the round trip was
+a ten minutes' walk.  I consoled myself with the reflection that it was
+needed exercise and in the best interests of hygiene.
+
+The delights of Funchal exhausted, we were off again for a visit to
+Spain, landing after a short run at Cadiz.
+
+
+
+SPAIN
+
+CADIZ
+
+There is not much to see in Cadiz but its Cathedral and the busy life
+of its people, who number 70,000.  It is thoroughly calcimined in
+chromatic tints and looks fine as you approach it from the sea, but
+your enthusiasm wanes somewhat when you get into the picture and see
+that there are many places where the gilt has been knocked off the
+gingerbread and has not been put back again.  But we must all take off
+our hats to the "old town," for it was there, indisputably, that
+Columbus rigged up and started for America.  If he had only known what
+he was about and the people had understood all that was to happen, they
+would have had a brass band on the pier and have set off plenty of
+skyrockets in the evening.  'Twas ever thus!  The "knockers" boo-ed him
+from their shores and said he was crazy, but history plants his feet on
+the topmost rung of fame long after the bitter end, when short commons
+were with him uncommon short.
+
+
+SEVILLE
+
+The "Corkonians" took the train for Seville, and it was a corker in
+length for it took three engines and all the first-class carriages in
+Andalusia to carry us to our destination.
+
+The management had about a carload of plaited straw lunch baskets and
+filled them with good things, so we had a continuous picnic _en route_.
+When we arrived we found almost every carriage in this city of 150,000
+people lined up in a big square for the distribution of the party, as
+the principle of procedure was, first come first served.  There was a
+motion picture for you that lasted twenty minutes, but there was a
+place for every man and every man had his place, so we were all
+comparatively happy and started in to "do" the town.
+
+Seville has one of the largest, finest and richest Gothic Cathedrals in
+existence; it has absolutely everything that can in reason be demanded
+of a cathedral, with or without price, including in part a full line of
+old masters, headed by Murillo and Velasquez (who were born here);
+bones of the good dead ones--and some bad ones--silver gilt organs, a
+court of orange trees in full bloom, the Columbian library (established
+by Fernando, Columbus' son), containing nothing but books, books,
+books!  Then again there are _acres_--I was going to say--of stained
+glass windows, but perhaps I had better stick to the simple truth and
+say innumerable windows, showing every variation of the rainbow in
+their brilliant, deftly interwoven tints.  Once more we find jewels of
+great price, solid silver trophies (which before the slump in silver
+would have placed any honest man above the corrosion of carking care);
+and wood-carving by masters of the trade whose artistic feeling was
+graphically described by our learned guide--known to the "Corks" as
+"Red Lead," on account of the lurid color of his hair.  He wore an
+Oscar Hammerstein opera hat and seemed condemned to live on earth but
+for a certain time--and all whom he met wished for its speedy
+expiration.  In a single, simple, instructive sentence he requested us
+to "Joost look at dat figger and see how the master have carve them
+feets; they are both two much alike."
+
+[Illustration: CONSTANTINOPLE AND THE GOLDEN HORN CROSSED BY THE GALATA
+BRIDGE, WITH STAMBOUL IN THE FOREGROUND.  THE YOUNG TURKS PRESENTED
+THIS AS THE FIRST SNAP OF THEIR OFFICIAL CAMERA.  LATER THEY
+"DEDICATED" THE BRIDGE BY HANGING THE FIRST BATCH OF MURDERERS ON IT]
+
+Most of these things, and many more, were the gifts of King Charles V.,
+King Ferdinand, Queen Isabella and others, with a Sultan or two thrown
+in for good measure.  All this grandeur is spread over 124,000 square
+feet, exceeded only a little by St. Peter's in Rome.
+
+In the plethora of good things I had almost forgotten to mention the
+Tomb of Columbus, a finely carved sarcophagus in solid bronze.  Heroic,
+allegorical figures support it and it is an imposing coffin in every
+respect.
+
+The size of this great Cathedral is three hundred and eighty by two
+hundred and fifty feet, and a week might be spent in seeking out the
+vast treasures which run the gamut of art and money from its top round
+to the bottom.  There are many other churches here, but to try to write
+of them after attempting to describe the Cathedral would be like an
+introduction to Tom Thumb after having spent the day with Chang, the
+Chinese giant.  However, we can hardly overlook the Alcazar, which
+"cuts" considerable "ice," even in this hot climate.  It is the palace
+of the late Moorish kings, containing the famous Court of the Maidens
+and the Hall of the Ambassadors.  It cost a good many millions of
+_pesetas_ to erect its front elevations, not to speak of its elaborate
+interior decorations, although the workmen only received two pence per
+day, and they had a local "blue card" union at that.
+
+The "Order of the Corks," both men and women, all went to see a grand
+series of Spanish dances at the theatre, got up for their delectation
+and amusement.  No band of enthusiastic pilgrims ever started in such
+high feather to see a dramatic and terpsichorean feast as did we.
+There was an expression of mystery and expectancy on every face.  Mary
+Garden and all she does would be a mere flea bite to what we should see
+of pure and simple naughtiness.  But alack and alas for our blasted
+hopes and the human weakness that had been worked on by the adroit
+press agent!  The show was a "fake:" there was nothing naughty about
+it--and very little that was nice.  No refrigerating plant ever
+contained a freezing room so dank, cold and gloomy as that theatre!
+After the first act, the ladies--Heaven help them!--put on their furs;
+in the second, an odd man or two began to sneak out, and by the time
+the curtain rose on the last act there was hardly a soul in the house!
+The weary "Corkonians" wended their way to the hotels in disconsolate
+groups, and the simple but convincing words, "Stung again!" hung on
+every lip as we toddled up the dark stairs to our beds, wiser but
+sadder men.  There may be allurements in Andalusian dancing--but if
+there are, we certainly did not see them.
+
+In the cold, gray dawn of the next morning we gathered up our
+belongings, and after an early breakfast, reinforced by another
+"management" basket lunch, we made for the train.  An all-day's ride to
+Granada was before us.  You see, you couldn't get anything to eat at a
+Spanish station but garlic, onions and chocolate, so we had to prepare
+for the worst.  "The worst" came all right, in the sanitary
+arrangements at the stations (for there were none on the trains), but
+we justly blamed all our troubles on Spain and not on the management of
+the trip.  It all passed, however, like a summer cloud when we landed
+in time for a late dinner at Granada.  Dinner over we went out and saw
+some of the gay life of this famous city.  The local color was
+there--in fact, it was highly colored; and as for "atmosphere," why,
+the air was full of it!  The ladies squirmed a little, but the men
+stood nobly by their guns till the last candle had been snuffed out;
+and so we went to bed, after arranging to give a full day to the
+Alhambra next morning, and slept the sleep of the just.
+
+
+GRANADA
+
+Morning came as usual with the rising sun, and we set out, twenty-five
+to a guide.  I transmitted Mark Twain's name of "Billfinger" to our
+man, and he was very much pleased by this notable mark of distinction;
+in fact, he felt that he had to speak and act up to his title; but his
+voice gave out in the second round, and he had to whisper his
+historical jokes and quips about the harems to a "Cork" from Chicago,
+who repeated them in a louder tone to the audience.  This man was a
+human calliope, and had the voice of an African lion when out of meat.
+His trained organ was so ear-piercing that much to "Billfinger's"
+annoyance several ladies deserted our party and fled to one of the
+other guides who had a soft, sweet voice.
+
+The party was large and each guide was obliged to keep twenty minutes
+behind the band before him.  This was done like clockwork, and yet,
+such is the uncertainty of such arrangements and the intensity of the
+human desire to get ahead of one's neighbors that, do as he would,
+Billfinger was constantly butting his leaders into the rear of the
+enemy--for such they were regarded, once the procession got into full
+swing and the excitement had reached its zenith.  This led to endless
+confusion, and the members of party No. 9 (our set) had to be fished
+out and sorted from the ranks of Nos. 10 and 8, thus producing many
+violent squabbles among the guides.  Adjustments were slow and by the
+time they were made a general congestion had set in at the rear and the
+"Corks" were all bobbing round in hopeless confusion, extending even to
+the outer gates at which we had entered the citadel.  But the man with
+the voice from Chicago now came into his own and showed how easily he
+could quell a friendly riot.  He mounted a parapet and with a green
+umbrella as a baton shouted back his orders, and they were obeyed with
+such telling effect that in a short time the procession moved like a
+well oiled machine and we had no further trouble.  By most of the
+pilgrims it was considered that this was hardly a fitting or dignified
+entrance into one of the noblest ruins of any time or country; but this
+is a practical age, and we got right down to the business of inspecting
+what is left of the Alhambra.  When such a man as Washington Irving was
+so inspired by the marvelous beauty of this place and lived ninety days
+in one of these buildings (which was pointed out to us by Billfinger),
+in order to get the spirit of the times and place in which these halls
+were erected and peopled, and there wrote his celebrated historical and
+romantic book, _Tales of the Alhambra_, published in 1829 (obtainable
+in any library), it would seem best that I leave the reader to peruse
+that famous work for ideas and details which, should they be supplied
+by the ordinary scribbler, could but belittle such a noble subject.  I
+therefore suggest that those interested procure that book and read it
+for themselves.
+
+[Illustration: THESE SANDOWS OF STAMBOUL ARE CONSIDERED A HUSKY TRIO,
+EVEN IN THIS CITY OF STRONG MEN.  IF THESE KEGS ARE FILLED WITH SOUR
+MASH THEY'RE A MENACE TO THE WHISKEY TRUST AND OUGHT TO BE TAXED
+ACCORDINGLY]
+
+We went to bed early, for we had to rise long before daylight and take
+the train for Gibraltar, where the _King of Cork_ lay waiting for us,
+for she had steamed from Cadiz to "The Rock" after we left her; and
+although we had enjoyed every minute of the trip, we were glad to get
+back to the only home we had, on the water.
+
+We had made quite a circuit through Spain, and it had been a most
+interesting journey.  We had thought of Spain as a land of dust, sand
+and rocky mountains, but instead of that we found broad, fertile
+plains, well cultivated and with every sign of prosperity.  Above all
+other things the feature of the country is the thousands of well kept
+olive orchards; then there are sugar-cane, and grapes and other fruit,
+in abundance.  Some of the buildings on the ranches are very fine and
+imposing, reminding the visitor of English estates.  We were fortunate
+in passing through the cork producing district, and saw the whole
+process of barking the trees, cutting the bark in oblong squares and
+stacking it up like lumber in a large yard.  The trees grow their bark
+again after it is stripped off and from time to time it is again cut as
+before.  At the first sight the "Corks" got of this industry, they
+showed their interested appreciation by taking a thousand and one
+snap-shots before the train left the station.
+
+Most intelligent Spaniards will tell you that they were angry when we
+took Cuba and the Philippines from them, but now they regard it as a
+blessing in disguise, as they had no business with expensive colonies,
+are better off at the present time than they have been for decades, and
+hope for a new era of prosperity.  The largest blot on the country is
+the cruel bull fighting, but their English Queen has set her face
+against it and it is distinctly on the wane.
+
+
+ALGERIA
+
+When we had finished up the stereotyped sights of Gibraltar and had
+thrown overboard a New Jersey insurance agent for criminally mentioning
+"Dryden's Hole," that bewhiskered "chestnut," in connection with the
+time-honored "Rock," we steamed across the Mediterranean to Algiers,
+some four hundred and ten miles away.  Algeria has a water front of six
+hundred miles, and extends back two hundred and fifty from the shore.
+It was conquered by the Romans in 46 B.C.; subsequently the coast of
+Barbary became the dread of every ship that sailed the sea.  With
+varying success, many nations, including Spain, France, England and the
+United States (fleet commanded by Commodore Decatur), took a hand in
+trying to tame the horde of cut-throat pirates who for centuries
+committed unspeakable atrocities and cruelties.  It is hard to realize
+that only seventy-five years ago these sanguinary pirates held complete
+sway on the Mediterranean, and that England alone had six thousand of
+her subjects captured and enslaved by them in 1674.  It is estimated
+that six hundred thousand from all the nations were captured and worked
+to death in chains.  This spot is the "chamber of horrors" in all human
+history.  To the French belongs the honor of finally taming these
+wretches and drawing their claws.  Algeria is now a French colony, is
+well ordered and quite safe for the visitor.
+
+This people is made up of many breeds: we saw thin, bandy-legged Arabs,
+fat, burly Turks, ramrod-like Bedouins; Kalougis, with a complexion
+suggesting old sole leather; Greeks, with frilled petticoats; Romans,
+of course with the toga; Kabeles, with black hair and wearing a robe
+like a big gas-bag; Moors, with the Duke's nose and spindle shanks;
+Mohammedans, carrying bannocks with holes in them; and dragomans, with
+"_bakshish_" stamped on every department of their anatomy.  But beneath
+the furtive glance and in the wicked eyes you see the cut-throat still
+lurking, awaiting the first opportunity to embark again in the trade
+that is close to their hearts, although the only active pirates here
+now are the cab drivers.
+
+Every breed has its own outlandish costume with a large range of
+startling colors in robes, turbans and slippers, but their shanks are
+bare, thin and brick red, an easy mark for flies.  A considerable
+percentage of their time is devoted to stamping their feet to shake off
+these pests, which somehow do not seem to know they are not wanted and
+keep the lazy rascals busy, thus preventing them from devoting the
+entire day to sleep and the worship of Allah.
+
+To round out the picture we must not forget the French Zouave
+regiment--fine-looking men, with their elaborately frogged jackets, and
+trousers like big red bags, large enough to make balloons if filled
+with gas, and the whole topped off with a scarlet, "swagger" fez with a
+tassel hanging down to the waist.
+
+Algeria has a population of about 5,000,000, while the town of Algiers
+contains 140,000 people.  The climate is tropical with plenty of rain.
+Oranges, lemons, pineapples, dates, figs, cocoanuts and spices are seen
+everywhere.  There is a fine, tropical, public garden-park, and the
+Governor's Palace with its grounds makes a handsome showing in flowers
+and fruits.  French officialdom strikes a gay and festive note
+everywhere, and the very latest Parisian novelties are seen on the
+streets.  They have motor cars, but it must be confessed that these do
+not as yet class with a Studebaker "Limousine."
+
+The passengers slept on the _Cork_ at the wharf.  They tried one meal
+at the hotel, with the ship's stewards assisting, but did not essay a
+second.  Seven hundred in two relays would have tested the ability of
+Mr. Boldt, but still when the battle was over we had all had enough; in
+fact, the management came out with flying colors in this severe test.
+
+Perhaps at this point it might be interesting to report on the progress
+that the Alley had made since it was last mentioned.  The development
+of ship characters takes time, and the big men and women do not pop at
+once into the lime-light.  There were other alleys and some of them
+contained hidden stars.  It was our business to lasso these (just as
+base-ball players are "signed"), and annex them to the Alley, so with
+this in mind and hat in hand we approached the haughty but accomplished
+Purser (with a big P), the man who is covered with gold lace and
+clothed with vast responsibility; who, in fact, holds the destinies of
+the ship in the hollow of his hand.  We laid our case before him and
+said we wanted "Gassigaloopi" from Alley No. 9, the two "Condensed
+Milkmaids" with their chaperon from the midship flats, and "Fumigalli,"
+who bunked near the condenser.  The great man of course frowned and
+pulled his "walrus"--the kind that has hanging, hairy selvages on it,
+such as serve as warnings for "low bridge" on the railroads--smote his
+desk firmly, and said it would never do!  However, we could clearly see
+that beneath the mask of his importance he was jubilant over the
+knowledge of his power, and that if we could only pull some other
+string we would gain our object; so we inveigled the queen of the
+poop-deck into joining hands with us, and the day was won without
+further effort.  Then with joy and gladness we informed the new people
+whom we had delighted to honor of their social elevation, and with
+willing hands we carried their belongings down in triumph to Harp
+Alley.  Two of the staterooms had been vacated at Gibraltar, and so all
+difficulties connected with the transfer were easily overcome.
+"Gassigaloopi" was a tower of strength in himself; he was a retired
+Italian politician and spoke so many languages that when he got excited
+he mixed them thoroughly, utterly routing all contestants in any
+arguments that might come up.  He was a human geyser, and when his
+linguistic power got under full headway he fairly tore up all the
+tongues by their roots and trampled them under foot in the rush of his
+stinging invective.  Although of Italian origin, "Gassy" was born near
+the site of the Tower of Babel, and its propinquity and influence gave
+him that varied volubility in expressing fine shades of meaning in many
+languages that made him the pride of the profession of which he was a
+distinguished light.  His ebullitions were frequently hurled at the
+"boots" for neglecting his oxfords, placed outside his stateroom door,
+but soon afterward he became himself again, much to the general joy of
+the Alley.
+
+[Illustration: THE ABDICATION OF THE SULTAN, ABDUL HAMID II.--HIS LAST
+RIDE THROUGH THE STREETS OF CONSTANTINOPLE]
+
+"Fumigalli" smoked so much that he gave all his time to thought, and we
+used him to plan future triumphs for us.  Though he thought much he
+produced but little.  We all knew that he was evolving great projects
+mentally, but somehow he could not get them out in front of the
+spot-light.  His one great achievement was calling a meeting of protest
+against the Senor's boredom in the smoking-room.  The meeting was held
+and two resolutions were drafted to be read at dinner in the saloon;
+but somehow no one liked to hurt the Senor's feelings, and they were
+never read.
+
+The "Condensed Milkmaids" were a pair of small, temperamental, clever
+girls, so trim and smart that one would think they had just left the
+Trianon Dairy Farm in Versailles Park, after having milked a pint of
+cream for the Queen, or for the royal favorite, Comtesse Du Barry.
+They wore Louis the XIV. (Street) high-heeled slippers, and were purely
+decorative.  Having no part in the executive management they knew their
+place and kept it.
+
+A young lady and her mother from New England (both members), gave the
+Alley a boost at the last concert.  The daughter played a violin solo,
+accompanied by her mother, with such attack, feeling and technique that
+if Paganini had been on earth he would have taken off his hat to her.
+
+It is perhaps true that the Alley had no tremendous personages in its
+membership, but its innate strength lay in this weakness for it
+represented the very embodiment of what is known as the concrete social
+spirit, "one for all, all for one," and with this motto it might
+have--and really did--stand against the entire ship.  Neither the
+Purser, the Captain nor the crew dared oppose its opinions or wishes;
+in fact, the Alley thought of running down to Zanzibar and taking a
+whack at the lions before "Bwana Tumbo" even saw them.  We don't like
+to brag, but one of our members could, with one eye shut, hit any
+button on the metal man's coat in the shooting gallery, and with both
+shut could bring down a wildebeeste.  The mission of the Alley and its
+fate now lie in the "womb of time," and we must not hustle its destiny
+but calmly await developments.
+
+
+
+MALTA
+
+We left for Malta, which was reached in two days, and cast anchor in
+the harbor of Valetta, the capital.  The island is celebrated as the
+home of the Knights of Malta, the original birth-place of the Maltese
+cat, and the spot where the Maltese cross was invented--but not
+patented.  This island was conquered by the Romans 259 B.C.; afterward
+by Napoleon, from whom it was taken by England in 1800, and now indeed
+it's "quite English, you know."  Oh my! how English it is, to be sure!
+It's nothing but Tommy Atkins here, and Files-on-parade there;
+battle-ships "beyant," and cruisers in the "offin'," mixed up with
+gunboats and bumboats and "gund_u_las," till you would think you were
+standing on the pier at "Suthampton."
+
+The marine bands mostly play _Rule Britannia_, but some of them essay
+_Annie Laurie_, and when these airs get mixed, it would try the soul of
+Richard Wagner to stand the discord without resorting to profanity.
+Anyway, Mr. Bull has this island all to himself.  Its fortifications
+and harbor are the finest to be found on the globe, but how sad to
+think they have been rendered useless by the modern battle-ship with
+the long guns.  (I was going to say the "long greens," as they and
+battle-ships always go together, no matter who pays the taxes.) But
+still it charms the visitor with its fine climate and gay people.  It
+was Carnival Day when we arrived, and the motley crowds in the street,
+in variegated raiment, pelted the "Corks" with all kinds of flowers
+with the utmost good humor.
+
+There is a church on the water-front that is lined with the skulls and
+bones of the various armies of defenders: its name is "Old Bones,"
+which certainly bears out its character.
+
+A whole lot might be written about how the Knights of Malta became very
+great, then very small and degenerate, and finally were pushed into the
+discard by the relentless hands of time and public opinion.  Valetta
+has quite a number of people living there besides the soldiers and
+sailors, some 80,000 I believe, but most of them are tired of climbing
+the steep streets, many of which contain stairs.  Lord Byron, having a
+game foot, got angry at them when he wrote:
+
+  "Adieu, ye cursed streets of stairs,
+  How surely he who mounts you swears!"
+
+
+We were shown the spot where St. Paul was ship-wrecked.  The Maltese
+erected a colossal statue to Paul on Selmoon Island about fifty years
+ago.  They hold an annual feast there on February 10th, the alleged
+date of his shipwreck, and as they have two hundred additional feast
+days they have just one hundred and sixty-four days left for their
+regular business--loafing.  They have novel names for their hotels and
+saloons,--the "Sea and Land Hotel," "The Pirates' Roost" saloon, the
+"Quick Fire" lunch-room, "The Englishers' Chop-House," and "The Camel's
+Drink," are some examples.  Not from greed, but purely out of
+curiosity, mind you, we tested the latter, and it would have taken
+three of what they gave us to make a regular "Waldorf highball."  Thus
+does the retributive principle of temperance put the rod in pickle for
+those who would fool with its beneficent laws.
+
+
+
+GREECE
+
+We left Malta and had Greece before us, which we reached in two days.
+Lord Byron aptly describes it in his famous poem which opens with:
+
+  "The isles of Greece, the isles of Greece!
+    Where burning Sappho loved and sung,
+  Where grew the arts of war and peace,--
+    Where Delos rose, and Phoebus sprung!
+  Eternal summer gilds them yet,
+  But all, except their sun, is set."
+
+
+ATHENS
+
+The Acropolis, or rocky mountain on which the celebrated group of
+buildings is found, was fortified more than a thousand years before
+Christ.  It is the central spot of all that is greatest in art,
+letters, history, statecraft and philosophy since time began.  This has
+been the undisputed opinion of critics and historians for about three
+thousand years and stands uncontradicted to-day as it did in the very
+beginning of things learned and artistic.
+
+[Illustration: MEHEMET V., THE NEW SULTAN, AFTER THE INVESTITURE,
+LEAVING THE MOSQUE]
+
+You are met toward the top of the ascent by the Propylaea that
+"brilliant jewel set on the rocky coronet of the Acropolis" as a kind
+of introductory vestibule to further greatness.  It is the most
+important secular work in Athens, consisting of a central gateway and
+two wings.  It was begun in 439 B.C.  It contains a wealth of Doric
+marble columns, beautiful, carved friezes and metopes, with five
+gateways spanned by great marble beams twenty feet long.  All these
+wonders compel the stranger to stand spellbound at the magnificence of
+their combined effect.
+
+Near by stands the Temple of Athena Nike, and close at hand is the site
+of Phidias' colossal statue of Athena Promachos, the "fighter of the
+van," made of the spoils taken from the Persians at the battle of
+Marathon; sixty-six feet high, in full armor, her poised lance was
+always a landmark for those approaching Athens.
+
+We now reach the temple, attached to which is the Portico of the
+Maidens, the Caryatides, and containing the shrine of Athena Polias.
+
+Next comes the great Parthenon, "the most impressive monument of
+ancient art," built by Pericles in 438 B.C.  It was adorned by statues
+and monuments by Praxiteles, Phidias and Myron.  It had fifty statues,
+one hundred Doric columns, ninety-two metopes, and five hundred and
+twenty-four feet of bas-relief frieze, thus realizing the highest dream
+of plastic art and the immortality of constructive genius.  Within the
+inner sanctuary Phidias placed his chryselephantine figure of Athena
+Parthenos, the virgin, thirty-nine feet high, the flesh parts being in
+ivory and the garments of fine gold.  It is estimated that this gold
+was worth almost 200,000 pounds.  For more than six centuries the
+virgin goddess received here the worship of her devoted votaries.  In
+the fifth century the Parthenon became a Christian church; when the
+Turks came they made it a mosque.  The edifice remained in good
+preservation till the seventeenth century.  In 1687 the Venetian,
+Morosini, besieged Athens and a shell from one of his guns ignited the
+powder which the Turks had stored in the Parthenon.  A destructive
+explosion followed and thus the most magnificent structure of the ages,
+which twenty-one centuries had spared, was reduced to ruins.  What
+remains of it is still most majestic and when seen by moonlight
+inspires the greatest reverence.  There is no speculative guess-work in
+these statements, for in 1674 Jacques Carrey made a series of one
+hundred careful drawings of the Parthenon, which were confirmed by two
+English travellers, Messrs. Spon and Wheler, in 1675.  These were the
+last visitors who saw it before its destruction.
+
+The Acropolis Museum is also built on the hill.  It contains many
+interesting things that could not be allowed to remain exposed to the
+weather.
+
+The vast Theatre of Dionysius, which held 30,000 people, is also here.
+
+There are many other fine buildings, statues and temples on the
+Acropolis, but space will not permit of their description.
+
+We descend to a lower plateau and there find the remains of the vast
+Temple of Zeus Olympus, called by Aristotle, "a work of despotic
+grandeur," "in accordance," as Livy adds, "with the greatness of the
+god."  It contained an immense statue of Zeus.  Originally it had more
+than one hundred imposing marble Corinthian columns, arranged in double
+rows of twenty each on the north and south sides, and triple rows of
+eight each at the ends.  Its size was three hundred and fifty-three by
+one hundred and thirty-four feet, which was exceeded only by the Temple
+of Diana.  To its left is the Arch of Hadrian.  Looking east is seen
+the Stadium or racecourse.  Here the Pan-Athenian games were held in
+olden times.  It was laid out in 330 B.C., and has been restored in
+solid white marble by a rich Greek.  It cost a large sum of money and
+will accommodate a multitude of spectators.  The first year in which
+the revival of the games took place the Greek youths won twelve out of
+twenty-seven prizes, the others going to various nationalities.
+
+[Illustration: HANGING THREE LEADERS OF THE ARMENIAN MASSACRE ON THE
+GALATA BRIDGE, CONSTANTINOPLE, MAY 3, 1909]
+
+Beyond in the suburbs lies the public park owned by Academus in the
+fifth century before Christ.  Plato and many other philosophers taught
+their pupils here, and from the name of the owner is derived the word
+academy.
+
+These are but a few of the commanding sights of Athens.  No attempt
+will be made to speak of the men and the wars that made her the _multum
+in parvo_ of human history.  The modern Greeks are a serious and decent
+people; they seem to be impressed with the fact that their ancestors
+were the salt of the earth, and at least try to be worthy of them.
+There is no begging in the streets (the Greeks being too proud to beg),
+and the people are quite respectable for their opportunities.  Their
+city is well laid out and built in modern style; it is prospering,
+having had only 45,000 inhabitants in 1870, while the population is now
+150,000.  One cannot afford to treat either the Greeks or Athens
+flippantly; they are worthy of the highest praise and respect.
+
+
+
+TURKEY
+
+CONSTANTINOPLE
+
+After leaving Greece we threaded our way through the islands of the
+Aegean Sea, the Dardanelles, the Sea of Marmora and the Bosphorus, to
+Constantinople, where we anchored at the mouth of the Golden Horn.  I
+must leave to the historian the dramatic and sensational history of the
+capital of Turkey in its various shifts of ownership; perhaps no other
+city has surpassed it as a factor in European affairs for a period of
+two thousand years.  It was named after Constantine, the Roman Emperor,
+who was its chief builder.  He tried to call it New Rome, but this
+title would not stick.  On the Galata Bridge that leads to Stamboul, a
+racial panorama may be seen that embraces all the peoples of the
+Orient, and everywhere signs appeal in half a dozen languages.  The
+private histories of its rulers have also been of the most absorbing
+and exciting character, and were they described by a pen of authority
+and with the necessary inside knowledge and information they would
+still further shock and astonish the uninformed.
+
+The city was founded by the Dorian Greeks some seven hundred years
+before the beginning of the Christian era; later the Persians captured
+it, then the Romans came and took charge.  The Goths were the next men
+in possession, followed by Basil of Macedonia, who became Dictator.
+Then Mohammed was the man of destiny: the city fell into his hands and
+from that day to this the "unspeakable Turk" has ruled it.  All these
+changes were brought about by battles at sea and on land, by sieges and
+through treachery, and with great loss of life, treasure and time.
+
+We employed a guide to take us to the Mosque of Sancta Sophia and the
+other principal show places.  This man had formerly called himself
+"Teddy Roosevelt," but he changed his name to "George Washington Taft,"
+in honor of our worthy President, thus making his cognomen thoroughly
+American and bringing it up to date at a stroke of the pen; but we told
+him this was no kind of a name for a guide in Turkey, and then and
+there changed it to "Muley-Molech;" he was much pleased with his new
+historical title.  "Muley-Molech" had a nose of vast proportions--while
+not so large as the _Lusitania's_ helm, yet it was exactly the same
+shape; and he wore a moustache that ended in large, hirsutical
+corkscrews; his teeth were like small bits of marble stained with
+tobacco juice, and they had the effect of an arc made from the spear of
+a sword fish, grim and terrible.  Altogether he was a remarkable
+man--one to be feared at night when near the Bosphorus; although, if
+the bitter truth must be told, he avoided impartially both salt water
+and fresh, whenever possible.  My word!  "Muley" was no ordinary,
+amateur Munchhausen! he was full of exact statements which he encrusted
+with legends that were utterly bare-faced.  After hearing one of his
+flights of fancy, a fat brewer from the West remarked:
+
+"It's better not to believe so much or to know so many facts that
+aren't so; but this is the devil of a place, anyhow; that's right!"
+
+Muley looked at him with fine scorn and went on at his usual gait.
+Later I told him (Muley), the story of the Irish judge who once said to
+a prisoner whom he was about to sentence:
+
+"We don't want anything from you but silence--and very little of that!"
+
+This hint had a depressing effect, and Muley lost his nerve and the
+character he had enjoyed with us of being a picturesque and fearless
+liar.
+
+Sancta Sophia was built in Stamboul across the Golden Horn by the
+Emperor Justinian in 537 A.D. (fire having destroyed the edifice
+originally erected by Constantine and replaced by the church built by
+Theodosia, which was also burned).  The dome is one hundred and eighty
+feet from the floor.  To adorn it, the Temple of Diana at Ephesus was
+ravaged of eight serpentine columns, and eight more of porphyry were
+taken from the Temple of the Sun at Baalbek to add to its beauty.  It
+is alleged that its cost approached $64,000,000, including the "graft."
+Its artistic value is greatly depreciated by the squalor of its
+environment.  Looking at this great pile, a speculative wag remarked,
+with a twinkle in his eye:
+
+"It's all a question of money.  Give me the financial assistance of J.
+D. R., and with one of the big American construction companies to take
+the contract I can produce a building fully equal to this in less time
+and for very much less money."
+
+He was right.  It would be only a question of deciding to do it.  The
+Landis' comic-opera fine would be sufficient.
+
+The Sultan's Palace and the ancient Hippodrome are also places of great
+interest.  In the latter were deposited the four gilded bronze horses,
+supposed to have been brought from Scio, once mounted on Trajan's Arch
+at Rome, brought here by Constantine.  They were taken to Venice by
+Dandolo, then Napoleon gave them to Paris, and finally after Waterloo
+they were restored again to St. Mark's at Venice.
+
+In Constantinople we also saw three or four other Mosques of great
+size, and the Seraglio grounds and Palace.  In the latter we saw the
+gates through which the odalisks who had lost the sultan's favor passed
+beyond to be executed.  The passage of this gate made our flesh creep
+when we thought of all it meant to the unfortunates; but near by, in
+agreeable contrast, is the "Gate of Felicity," which is the entrance to
+the sultan's harem.  Through this the new favorites entered and
+remained till they had grown old and lost their charm.
+
+[Illustration: "THE MOOSKI," CAIRO.  THERE ARE MILES OF STREETS IN THIS
+ARTISTIC MARKET WHERE RUGS, TAPESTRIES, LACES, AND ORIENTAL
+_BRIC-A-BRAC_ MAY BE SECURED BY THE ANXIOUS AT AN ALARMING SACRIFICE.
+EVERY MINUTE IS A BARGAIN DAY]
+
+The Imperial Ottoman Museum is full of good things purloined from other
+art centres.  It contains many fine examples of Greco-Roman sculptures,
+statues and reliefs, in marbles, terra-cotta and bronze.  The figures
+of dancing women have a swing and their draperies a palpable swish--as
+if a breeze were stirring them--seen only in this school of art.  It
+also contains Alexander the Great's sarcophagus, which is regarded as
+one of the finest examples of Greek art in existence.
+
+The Grand Bazaar is both a sight and a town in itself, full of streets,
+entries, lanes and alleys, covered here and there as an arcade, into
+which the sun never penetrates.  The dim light, the great crowds of
+strangely costumed people,--veiled women with their children in hand,
+attended by eunuchs, some chattering, some silent and aloof--but all
+intent on bargaining and eager for the fray.  This novel and engrossing
+picture is made possible and is enhanced by the bewildering variety and
+display of Oriental goods and wares--rugs, perfumes, cosmetics,
+weapons, shawls, embroideries, inlaid tables, porcelains, brassware,
+silks, fans, jewels, laces, gold and silver ornaments of infinite
+variety--all piled up and strewn about as if they had been pitchforked
+by some magician into an enchanted market-place, with the god of greed
+and chance presiding.
+
+[Illustration: SAMPLES Of CONSTANTINOPLE'S BRAND OF "WHITE WINGS."
+IT'S A SIGHT FOR GODS AND MEN TO SEE THESE JOLLY DOGS GOBBLE THE
+TURKISH TIDBITS AFTER THE SUN HAS SET]
+
+Limited space forbids the further description of things that are
+wonderful and interesting, but a few words must be said in regard to
+facts we would rather not think about.  The population is about
+1,125,000, and most visitors think there is a mangy, flea-bitten dog
+for each inhabitant; but the official dog census has placed the canine
+population at about 125,000.  The dogs of Stamboul and Constantinople
+are a necessity and a book might be written about them alone, as they
+have ruled these cities from a sanitary point of view for over a
+thousand years.  If they did not set out at night and partially clean
+up the town, Heaven only knows what it would be like!  Their sway is
+undisputed, and woe betide him who either hurts or kills them--he is a
+marked man, not only by the Moslems but by the followers of other
+religions.  They have no distinctive owners and just live by their
+wits, which are keen to an advanced degree; they have rules of the road
+of their own making, and the luckless cur that breaks them is put out
+of business in the twinkling of an eye.  No one likes them, but they
+are a thoroughly protected nuisance, for that protection means life to
+the people.  Without their services as devourers the population would
+die like flies, from epidemics and pestilence.  All attempts at doing
+away with the dogs have resulted in riots and bloodshed: when Mehemet
+II. rounded them up and exiled them to an island, a great epidemic
+immediately set in and the rioters compelled the Sultan at the point of
+the sword to bring them back again.  A later attempt was made by an
+Ottoman chief-of-police to deport these canine "white wings" to Asia
+Minor: he threw them overboard when out of sight of land, and when this
+was made public the mob literally tore him limb from limb.  So it does
+not pay to monkey with the Sultan's pets in the home of their nativity.
+Although no one would suspect it, they have a high order of
+intelligence and an acute instinct for local government.  By some
+unwritten law they divide the town into districts with sharply defined
+boundaries invisible to the human eye, yet plainly apparent to the
+animal.  If an intruder crosses this line he is sorry for it before he
+reaches his first bone.  The neighboring dogs pounce on him from all
+directions, biting his legs, tail and ears, but stopping short when
+they in turn reach the line, for fear they may also get into trouble
+for trespassing.  When one of the members of a district becomes sick
+and helpless his comrades do not wait for him to die; they just eat him
+up and have done with it.  So no one ever sees a dead dog in Stamboul:
+professional pride and _esprit de corps_ step in, and the victim is
+wafted to the happy hunting grounds in less time than it takes to tell
+of it.
+
+The porters are celebrated for their great strength and the big loads
+they can carry.  To see them do their work is a most interesting sight:
+four of them will carry a great cask filled with fluid and suspended
+from two poles placed on their shoulders--a fair load for a team of
+horses.  They carry these loads with the aid of ingenious appliances
+and harness, and the amount of lumber, coal, dressed beef and live
+animals they transport for short distances is simply incredible.
+
+Soldiers are drilling everywhere and a raw lot they are.  The treasury
+is empty, and many of them have only one shoe, and some none at all,
+only a coarse stocking bound round with rags.  They may be experts at
+killing women and children, but they would make a sorry showing against
+trained soldiers.  And then there are the "battleships:" fierce,
+devilish-looking bulldogs that could demolish any tin-lined fort in
+existence if they could only hit it, or even if the sailors could
+manage to fire the guns--or in fact, if only the guns could be fired by
+any one--which is exceedingly doubtful.
+
+In smells, the vilest of the vile, including the acrid variety that
+cuts the nostrils like a razor, Constantinople stands forever and alone
+on a plinth of infamy, and no language that can be dragged into the
+arena of expression can be utilized to describe them.  They paralyze
+the intellect and dull the sense of punishment and acute agony.  No
+gladiator could enter the lists with them in deadly combat and live to
+tell the tale.  They arise in part from the debris and remnants of
+cheese whose position in the flight of time was contemporaneous with
+that of Alexander the Great; from fish that must have darted beneath
+the keels of the ships at the battle of Salamis; from tallow, used to
+grease the chariot wheels at the battle of Marathon (now sold as
+butter); and from the embalmed beef that was left over from the Crimean
+War.  These with many powerful additions supply the main force and
+foundation of all this pervading "sweetness;" but the distinguishing
+"high lights" come from minor causes, such as the onions of last year
+rotting in nets hanging in the sun, strings of garlic returned to
+circulation by the Argonauts when they came back from hunting the
+golden fleece, but now hung as a badge of trade on the door-jambs; and
+the frying of eggs, that have long lost their market value, with Bombay
+_ghee_ and young garlic, the whole mellowed and perhaps refined by the
+continual vapors from open sewers.  One fragrance that perhaps tickles
+the olfactory nerve with more delicacy than all others and might be
+called a perfumed "dream," comes from baking a garlic pie piping hot in
+the open, with Turkish Limburger as a substantial ingredient.  This
+zephyr when in full action sets at naught the vain attempt of
+asafoetida to hold its place in the history of smells that used to rank
+with Araby the Blest.  If Alexander had inhaled one whiff of this
+combination in its full purity it would have floored him in
+Constantinople and he could not have lived to conquer the world.  One
+of the "Corks" fainted when he hit the embalmed beef zone and was taken
+to the rear in a red cross ambulance.
+
+[Illustration: A CROWD AT THE CHURCH OF THE HOLY SEPULCHRE, JERUSALEM,
+WAITING FOR THE DOORS TO OPEN.  EACH TRIBE IS IMPATIENT TO ENTER AND
+OCCUPY ITS OWN SPACE]
+
+The sights in these places are too dreadful for publication, and as for
+the taste--well, I tried a speck of fried sausage and thought I had
+touched a live wire! it left a scar on my tongue.  We made a special
+excursion to see these sights and experience the smells.  The driver of
+our carriage took advantage of a stop to take a drink at a Turkish
+_cafe_; the procession of vehicles began to move, and as we were in the
+middle of it our horses had to move too.  This left us without a driver
+and I had to mount his seat and drive half a mile at a walk before our
+man caught up with us.  In the crowded, narrow streets this experience
+was not a pleasant one, but I did the best I could and nothing happened
+of note excepting that in turning a sharp corner the team ran up on the
+sidewalk, from which I was chased with wild gestures and eastern
+profanity by a Turkish son of a wooden gun, much to the amusement of
+the natives and the rest of the procession.  Still, the Turks, who are
+steeped in these conditions, seem to enjoy them: they laugh and joke at
+the unsuccessful attempts of the outlander to acquire their tastes.  If
+they are happy, why should we object?
+
+[Illustration: THIS IS QUEEN HATSHEPSET'S DER-AL-BAHARI TEMPLE AT
+THEBES, ORNAMENTED WITH FINE GOLD.  THE ORIGINAL METHODS BY WHICH
+"HATTY" SWIPED THE MONEY TO BUILD THIS TEMPLE LEAVE WALL STREET TIED TO
+THE HITCHING POST AT THE SUB-TREASURY STEPS]
+
+The costumes of the Turk are without number: there is no cut nor
+pattern of garment that is not embraced in their fashion plates and the
+colors run riot through all the gamut of the rainbow.  But, seriously,
+they beat all other nations in the arrangement of their head-dress; no
+Turk is too poor or too low in caste to devote his time and attention
+to what he wears on his head.  Of course, the rich ones have immense
+turbans, woven with stranded ropes of cloth in bright parti-colors,
+placed on the head as a finish to the toilet with as much care as a
+wedding cake is posed on a table; but the _poor_ Turk takes a red fez
+as a basis to build on, and will, with cheese-cloth, or a strip of old
+toweling, or a wisp of worn-out silk and some feathers, turn out an
+effect that it is almost impossible to imitate even where ample
+facilities are at hand.  Some of them wear their turbans well back on
+the head, some pitched forward, many with a rake to the side; but all
+with the artistic instinct that compels instant admiration.  They are
+the "old masters" of headgear and their masterpieces may be seen by the
+thousand in any crowded street.
+
+[Illustration: OUR HOSPITABLE HOST AND HOSTESS IN THEIR SALON WHERE
+THEY ENTERTAINED US AT JERUSALEM]
+
+About the time we were in Constantinople, the new Turkish political
+force known the world over as the "Young Turks' movement," was just
+springing into life.  The members of this body were eager to meet and
+mix with visitors and obtain their views and opinions of the
+probabilities of success, and a general endorsement of their work; so
+it was no trouble to have them visit us on the _Cork_, as she lay at
+anchor at the mouth of the Golden Horn.  We conversed with them freely
+and listened to the recital of their wrongs and how they proposed to
+right and correct them.  Political corruption and "graft," they said,
+were rampant everywhere, destroying the country and blighting every
+enterprise and industry.  A Young Turk told me that many manufactories
+would be started were it not that the rapacity of the horde of petty
+officials was such that all must get a share of the spoils before a
+license could be granted, and that paying this toll would amount to
+much more than the cost of the factory.  From the sultan down to the
+smallest custom house official, all must get a squeeze out of the
+victim whom they meet in any kind of business.  The appellation, "The
+Sick Man of the East," presents in brief the picture of an unwholesome
+looking man, who is allowed to sit tight on his throne and plunder his
+people because the Powers can't agree on the division of his empire.
+When one looks at Abdul in his carriage one sees at a glance a
+coffee-colored knave who, when he gazes at the crowd from behind the
+mask of his face, is simply engaged in scheming a new twist in "graft,"
+and wondering whether or not they can stand it and live.  The Sultan is
+an expert pistol-shot and has killed many native visitors without the
+slightest proof that they were about to do him harm; if they made a
+suspicious movement of any kind he shot them down in cold blood and had
+them thrown into the Bosphorus.  Abdul had an eye on the main chance
+and did not consider it wise to have all his eggs in one basket, so he
+deposited the hundred million dollars he wrung from his people--what is
+called his "private fortune"--in banks all over the world.  The Young
+Turks are after this "pile," and he is not likely to retain it all and
+save his neck from the rope.  Perhaps his most horrible crime was
+instigating the annihilation of 360,000 Armenians: this act alone
+places him on the pedestal of infamy for all time.  But the pedestal is
+rocking, and his hour is near at hand.  His territory in Europe has
+shrunk from 230,000 to 60,000 square miles.  In a little while there
+won't be much left to divide, but there are other forces at work, and
+these serious natives tell you that nothing can now stop the progress
+of the task they are engaged in and that the days of the sultan are
+numbered.  We believed in their sincerity and determination, and wished
+them every success.  As a wind-up it will perhaps amuse the reader to
+note the high-sounding list of titles that the sultan--this "cutpurse
+and king of shreds and patches"--has given to himself.  Here they are,
+all fresh roasted, with a few added words to fill in the interstices of
+his portrait:
+
+THE SULTAN'S TITLES
+
+"Abdul Hamid, Beloved Sultan of Sultans, Emperor of Emperors;"
+
+"The Shadow of God upon the Earth;"
+
+"Brother of the Sun"--(_Times_ and _Tribune_);
+
+"Dispenser of Crowns"--(half-crowns and tu'penny-bits)--"to Those who
+Sit upon Thrones"--(and gunny-bags);
+
+"Sovereign of Constantinople"--(and of all its mangy, flea-bitten dogs);
+
+Easy Boss of Broussa, as well as Damascus, which is the "Scent of
+Paradise;"
+
+"King of Kings"--(and two-spots); whose army is the asylum of "graft"
+and dummy guns; at the foot of whose throne sits Justice with the
+bandage off one eye so she can watch the coin!
+
+
+SMYRNA
+
+We left Constantinople without regret and steamed up into the Black
+Sea, making a circle in it, and then returned down into the Sea of
+Marmora, so as to get a good view of both the Asiatic and European
+sides of the city; then out, through the Dardanelles and on to Smyrna.
+This passage was all over classic ground, and every mile of it has made
+history for thousands of years.
+
+Smyrna has 225,000 people, and is the cleanest and most respectable
+city the Turks own.  In ancient times Croesus lived here after he had
+made his pile, and at the present day great numbers of wealthy men make
+it their home, and there is a good deal of luxury seen in the suburbs.
+It has the trade from Asia Minor.  Homer was born here, and wrote and
+sang his immortal poetry along its rocky shores.  It was conquered by
+Alexander the Great, and after he had destroyed it he ordered it
+rebuilt a few miles farther off so as not to forget it, and it became
+very prosperous.  The Knights of Malta and the Arabs fought the Turks
+for many years for its possession, but the Turks have held it against
+all comers up to date.  It was shaken down to ruins by an earthquake in
+180 A.D., and this was followed by disastrous shocks in 1688, 1788, and
+1880.
+
+Its great trade is in figs, dates, sponges, silks, and rugs; but the
+greatest of these is the rug.  These stuffs come in loaded on long
+trains of camels.  I may say that no one has any idea of what this
+animal is like if he has only seen it in a zoo or in a circus parade.
+I watched the trains by the hour with absorbing interest.  The
+professional, business camel is a big, fine, intelligent animal, who
+carries himself with the utmost dignity and strides along looking
+neither to the right nor the left, refusing to take notice of any noise
+or disturbance that would--and often does--upset his owners, whom he
+follows with implicit confidence.  He is willing to make an honest and
+prompt return for his food and the care that is given him.  I could not
+help thinking that if a man from Mars came down and did not know the
+conditions here, he would think the camel was master, and not the noisy
+crowd that surrounded him.
+
+St. Polycarp, the second Bishop of Smyrna, was executed here because he
+would not recant his faith; he was a disciple of the Apostle John, and
+this incident shows the antiquity of the place.
+
+The trade of Smyrna exceeds that of Constantinople: five thousand
+people are engaged in making rugs, but the best ones are brought in on
+camel back from seven hundred miles away.  They have a curious way of
+selling the rugs that arrive from the interior: the dealer must buy the
+unopened bales with no opportunity to examine the rugs, so it is really
+a lottery and feeds the desire for gambling that prevails in business
+dealings in the Orient.
+
+Smyrna is a beautiful, oriental city; it produces nothing, but
+exchanges everything and gets a shave for doing it: it is the home of
+Eastern luxury and of the finest women in Asia.  Much more could be
+written about this city with a guide-book as a basis of information,
+but it would not be interesting produced in this way.
+
+We heard a native "ragtime" band, playing tom-tomic strains--the lyric
+style of dinner-gong music that tears holes in the air.  The leader was
+an imitator of Sousa and had his gymnastic eccentricities down to a
+fine point.  He executed a fantasia on his horn of plenty that brought
+a shower of silver on the stage.  We were told that the members of the
+orchestra were called the "Flowers of Music from Stamboul," and were
+working their passage to the "halls" of the European capitals.  May the
+hat never be returned empty nor the charm of their work grow less!
+
+
+
+THE HOLY LAND
+
+JAFFA
+
+Our next stopping place was Jaffa, the port of Jerusalem.  The water at
+the landing is very rough, but the sturdy natives jump into the boats and
+show rare skill in handling the passengers, tossing them round like sheep
+into safe spots of vantage in the large boats used for disembarkation.
+
+Jaffa has a population of 35,000.  It is celebrated for its fine oranges,
+which grow in profusion about the city to the extent of 8,000,000 oranges
+every year.  It has fine trains of camels, and 15,000 pilgrims to the
+Holy Land pass through it annually, many of them Russian pilgrims.  It
+costs them about $60 to make the trip, and many of them spend their lives
+in saving this money for the purpose.  The railroad to Jerusalem is
+fifty-four miles long.  Simon the tanner was born here; his house was
+supposed to be on the hillside, but another house farther down the hill
+at the water-front was agreed on by those financially interested, so as
+to have something notable to show the visitor just as he stepped from the
+gang-plank.  A guide said to us, pointing out a thirty-year old fig tree:
+
+"Dar is de feeg tree de great man preech under all dose years ago; long
+time, ain't it?"
+
+The streets are narrow and crooked, no room for vehicles, so we had to
+trek about two miles to the railroad station, the baggage being sent
+there by teams.  After getting on the train we ran through orange, fig,
+olive, lemon, pomegranate and date groves, then over a great flat,
+fertile plain, the Plain of Sharon, fifty miles long and averaging eight
+miles wide, ploughed by camels, oxen and horses.  This gave way to lands
+not so good, but covered by a great variety of flowers, followed by stony
+patches, and finally by ranges of bare, rocky mountains with but little
+vegetation on them and quite forbidding and desolate in their appearance;
+but every mile was historic ground.  We were shown the town said to be
+the Arimathea of the New Testament, and the Crusaders' Tower, one hundred
+and twenty feet high.  Here Samuel was a judge and Israel asked for a
+king.  Then the Hill of Gezer, with ruins of the old city presented to
+Solomon by Pharaoh as a dowry for his daughter.  Now we see Zorah, the
+birthplace of Samson, where the Ark was held up by the Philistines before
+they returned it to the Israelites, fearing it would bring a curse on
+them, and also where he tied burning brands to the foxes' tails so as to
+set fire to the ripening crops.
+
+[Illustration: THE MOSQUE OF OMAR, JERUSALEM--"THE FINEST BUILDING IN THE
+EAST."  THE TURKS AND MOHAMMEDANS WASH THEIR FEET IN THE DRINKING
+FOUNTAINS HERE, BUT THAT, OF COURSE, IS A MERE DETAIL.  IT CLEARLY SHOWS,
+HOWEVER, THE COURAGEOUS FREEDOM AND _SANS SOUCI_ OF THE PEOPLE]
+
+Farther along we come to Bittir, so strongly fortified that it took the
+Romans three years to capture it, costing them the lives lost in the
+horrible massacre described in the Talmud--one of the largest in all
+history.
+
+And now the train stops at Jerusalem.  This railroad is a tiny affair,
+and the officials marked up the class of some of its carriages by
+painting out one numeral from "II," leaving it a "I" class carriage, thus
+turning a second into a first just to keep up the spirit of deception
+that is the potent atmosphere of the Holy Land.  But we were in Jerusalem
+and didn't care a rap, even though the varnish on the seats was wet and
+we were stuck to them like limpets to a rock in the sea.
+
+It was quite a strain on the Holy City to take care of such a crowd, but
+all was well managed and we were comfortably stowed away somewhere (many
+in convents), and only the most confirmed "kickers" could offer any fair
+objection to the arrangements.
+
+
+JERUSALEM
+
+Very few writers and hardly any lecturers and speakers who have visited
+Jerusalem have told the truth about it, or if some of them have, they
+told only the pleasant part of it.  In fact, it has usually been given a
+treble coat of whitewash, entirely misleading to those who are to follow
+them.  When the writer holds Jerusalem to be the greatest of historical
+cities with all the reverence due to it, and yet finds it in the hands of
+the Turkish government--which does not know the meaning of truth nor of
+honesty; which by its example prostitutes every decent feeling in the
+minds of the people to its own base ends, and permits the barefaced
+robbery and oppression, not only of the visitor but of its own
+citizens--then I say the modern writer has a delicate task to perform in
+describing it, for in relating the facts he might seem to be railing and
+scoffing at religion and biblical history, whereas nothing is farther
+from his mind or his intention.  Everything is so interwoven that it is
+hard to separate the serious and truthful from the ridiculous and
+fraudulent.  This deceit is not alone of to-day; it goes back to the
+times when landmarks and historic evidences were obliterated by wars,
+earthquakes and revolutions, and when all traces of locations during
+these upheavals of centuries were lost and covered with _debris_
+sometimes one hundred and fifty feet deep, the city of Jerusalem itself
+not having a single inhabitant for over fifty years in one period of its
+history.  Then the "holy men" of those old days saw at once their
+opportunity to make religion both popular and paying, as well as the
+necessity for doing so, and they therefore invented a system of "pious
+frauds" by selecting bogus sites on particular spots for this, that, and
+the other incident which occurred in the great religious dramas in the
+Holy Land.  These selections gave the ignorant, to whom they wholly
+appealed, some material, practical object on which to lay hold--something
+to worship which they could see and feel; and this was where the profit
+lay.  Thus we find that there are crowded in the rooms of the Church of
+the Holy Sepulchre over thirty "sacred sites."  There is the exact spot
+where the clay was found to make Adam; Adam's grave; the tears of the
+Virgin petrified in the form of a cross.  Then there is the Stone of
+Unction; near by the Chapel of the Parted Raiment, where Christ's clothes
+were gambled for; again, the spot where He was crowned with thorns; the
+place where they scourged Him; that spot beyond is where they nailed Him
+to the cross--and the hole for the cross has been carefully cut out, no
+doubt by the best local stone-cutter not so many years ago.  Then there
+is the long story of the finding of the true cross--but why further speak
+of these absurd fictions, intended to fool and work upon the poor Greek,
+Armenian, Syrian, Latin, Copt, Abyssinian and Russian pilgrims--in fact,
+all who are ignorant and credulous and will give _bakshish_ to these fat
+and sleek bandits, who never did an honest day's work in their lives and
+who couldn't be driven with a shotgun to do any kind of labor!  At birth
+they are dedicated to organized robbery and oppression and they have no
+thought of disturbing this dedication--not if they know it!  For fees,
+they show the "Cradle," a heavy, marble bath tub that would take many men
+to rock it with a crowbar.  They exhibit the "Manger," also in marble
+(!), that never had a straw in it, and if you seem credulous they will
+tell you anything they think you will swallow.  I pretended to believe
+them, and in consequence got a load of lies that would have made Ananias
+clap his hands with joy.  And so on _ad infinitum_!  By one "holy"
+pretence and another they rob these poor victims of their money till it
+is all gone, when they are allowed to go home as best they may.  All
+religions, including the Roman Catholic and the Protestant, should
+combine to form a universal commission, which should be supplied with
+funds raised by public subscription the world over for the purpose of
+regulating Jerusalem.  The objectionable buildings and "fake" objects
+should be razed to the ground, and it should be the duty of this
+commission to set forth and establish the authentic, historical sites and
+locations as nearly as reasoning and induction can locate them, and it
+should also be its province to see that proper treatment, protection and
+accommodation are given the poor pilgrims who go there annually; the rich
+and educated can take care of themselves.
+
+The whole city is in a most disgusting state--unclean, vile and
+unspeakable in almost every respect; it is the sink of Christendom and
+its condition is a disgrace to humanity and to all sects of religion.
+
+Jerusalem is a very old city: Abraham lived there and it was David's
+capital.  When Solomon was king it was one of the mighty and magnificent
+cities of the world.  Sixteen sieges have destroyed it, and the city of
+to-day is really built on the ruins of its seven predecessors.  How
+utterly preposterous, then, is it for any one to attempt to identify the
+sacred places!  The present population is 60,000.  It is a walled city
+and has eleven gates.  The Mosque of Omar is its principal feature; this
+was completed by Solyman the Magnificent in 1561; parts of the
+construction were done by the Crusaders.  It has a noble dome and is a
+masterpiece of architectural beauty; it is said to be one of the finest
+buildings in Asia.
+
+In the Church of the Holy Sepulchre the various sects have certain
+portions allotted to them for worship; the lines between them are guarded
+by armed soldiers, and if even an unintentional trespass is committed, a
+bloody riot usually ensues.  In one of these three men were killed and
+many wounded a few days before we arrived, and the defeated sects were
+planning reprisals when we were leaving.  This is Christianity at high
+pressure, and is characteristic of the whole place.
+
+We saw Mount Zion, the Mount of Olives, the Damascus Gate, Calvary, the
+Garden of Gethsemane, the Pool of Siloam, the Pool of Bethesda, and the
+other celebrated places mentioned in the Bible.  These were fairly
+authentic, as they were not "spots," but wide places of considerable
+dimensions, and not gathered under one roof.
+
+[Illustration: THE WAILING PLACE, JERUSALEM.  THE LESS SAID ABOUT THIS,
+THE BETTER]
+
+The condition of the "Wall of Wailing"--which, by the way, is an open,
+paved court--is particularly offensive in a sanitary sense and no
+self-respecting person should enter it.  Some writers have spoken plainly
+about these things.  Here is a quotation from an eminent writer on the
+East, Dr. D. E. Lorenz, who knows his subject thoroughly, and to whom I
+am indebted for other data herewith:
+
+
+"The moral degeneracy of the people as a whole is incredible.  Profanity
+and obscenity are said to be mingled in the speech of the common people
+to an extent unknown among almost any other people on earth.  Filthy
+homes and utter uncleanliness of person are the general rule.  Sanitation
+is almost wholly disregarded, and it is a wonder that a plague does not
+sweep away all the inhabitants. . . .  Dishonesty is reduced to a fine
+art. . . .  The crowded streets with their Babel of confusion--the shouts
+of the donkey boys, the loud cries of the camel drivers, and the calls of
+those who would sell their wares to every passer-by, together with the
+hurly-burly of people in strange garb and speaking in strange
+tongues--all this tends to destroy . . . the religious glamour."
+
+
+The "puller-in" and the "barker" of Baxter Street and the Bowery are mere
+sucking doves compared with the vendors of Jerusalem: they will get in
+front of you and pull you into their shops, and the only way you can
+prevent an assault is to jump to the other side of the street or dive
+into an alley.  If you do not buy from them they will guy you and tell
+you to your face that they wish Americans would stay at home unless they
+will spend their money like the gentlemen they pretend to be.  If at the
+end you buy nothing, they will shout derisively, "Skidoo! twenty-three!
+no good!" and other slang of a more or less complimentary nature.  The
+English rule them with a rod of iron; they thrash them with a cane or
+whip which they carry for the purpose, and consequently the natives do
+not bother Johnnie Bull but allow him to pass in silence.  The Emperor
+William was here a short time since, and they opened a new gate to let
+him in and removed the small boulders from the road so that his Imperial
+Majesty might not be jolted in driving about the country.  William wants
+to be friendly and get a big slice of the "melon" at the cutting.  Lady
+Burdett-Coutts, noticing the dangerous character of the water, offered to
+equip a fine, free system for the city, taking the supply from the head
+waters of the Jordan, but the sultan refused the offer unless he did the
+building.  This proposal Lady Coutts declined, well knowing that if she
+accepted it there would be no works, but that the "Brother of the Sun"
+would keep the money.
+
+The "Corks" were invited to a reception in Jerusalem given by a native
+lady in her own home, surrounded by every luxury and refinement as these
+are known in Asia Minor.  She received us very graciously, with a
+distinguished, high-bred air, knowing just what to say and do at the
+psychological moment.  She treated Mrs. Galley-West with the same
+impartiality that she showed toward some of the aristocratic members of
+the Rittenhouse Square set of Philadelphia who honored us with their
+presence.  She was highly educated and an accomplished linguist, so
+practically all the varieties of Volapuk were alike familiar to her, and
+she could make Jean, Ivan, Hans, Franz or Johnny equally at home in her
+presence; as, if she could not quite "hit it off" with him in one
+language, she could quickly shift to another and talk to him in the kind
+in which he could best express himself.
+
+Music was rendered and refreshments served by natives in oriental style
+and costume.  Her husband was an American, an enthusiastic collector of
+ceramics and Levantine _bric-a-brac_, and the owner of a celebrated
+collection of scarabs--not bought at the Luxor factory, but separated
+from the mummies with the golden lever one must use to acquire these
+treasures; because it is the same, whether a collector has them dug from
+the graves for gold or whether he buys them after some one else has dug
+them.  We know the practice here in another form (only ours is on a
+silver basis), when we catch our speckled beauties in the mountain
+streams with a silver hook and hang them high on a pole at supper time
+for local fame and universal admiration.  Anyhow, the "real thing" in
+scarabs is not to be sneezed at when it is a fact that they have lain
+beside a Pharaoh in his grave long before Noah thought of laying the keel
+of his _Mauretania_.  And don't forget that our first captain must have
+had a live pair of them on his historic houseboat, in order that they
+should be cavorting on the banks of the Nile to-day.  But this indulgence
+in "piffle" has led us away from the main entrance, and we must come back
+to the floor of the _salon_ in which our reception was being conducted.
+
+Large operations in excavation are now in progress in the East, and
+sometimes they "strike it rich," as the boys used to say in Nevada.  One
+of these companies uncovered a terra-cotta lamp factory, in which were
+found literally thousands of small, crude lamps, each with a _strupe_ to
+hold the wick through which the oil passed.  These were of two sizes, the
+small ones being called "wise virgins," and the larger ones "foolish
+virgins."  There were at least a thousand of them on hand at the
+beginning of the reception, and each guest was given one by our hostess.
+When it came to my turn, my heart was in my mouth!  She asked which I
+would have, so I said,
+
+"Oh, madam, give me a 'foolish virgin,' by all means!"
+
+Her smiling face turned at once to stone.  She handed me a lamp with a
+freezing look, in this way trying to stem the tide of giggles that this
+request provoked.  It was no use; the character of the sacred function
+was forever lost through my thoughtless way of asking for the lamp.
+
+Slowly and alone, I "hiked" back to the hotel, feeling that as a
+receptionee I had "put my foot in it," and must in future be regarded as
+a social back number.
+
+
+JERICHO
+
+_The Jordan and the Dead Sea_
+
+After visiting all the places in Jerusalem that were of interest to us,
+we set out in carriages for a long and tiresome drive to Jericho and its
+environs.  We passed Gethsemane and went over the Mount of Olives to
+Bethany.  The Mount of Olives is four thousand feet above sea level, and
+consequently has a perfect climate even in hot weather.  From it we saw
+the plain of the Jordan and the mountains of Moab in the distance--truly
+a magnificent panorama.  After awhile we reached the "Good Samaritan" Inn
+and had some rest and refreshments there.  An old Bedouin, tall, spare,
+and with a fine, military bearing, had a lot of old flint-lock guns for
+sale at the inn, but his historical knowledge and dates were decidedly
+mixed.  He didn't care anything about facts or the truth if he could only
+sell a gun to a credulous customer.  To give verisimilitude to his
+statements, he said he had fought at Waterloo on the English side and had
+killed Napoleon with one of these guns--he did not know which, but the
+buyer could have his choice.  As this was the grandest and most daring
+lie I had ever heard, I gave him an American quarter, for which he was
+very grateful, as he needed the money.
+
+[Illustration: THE DEAD SEA WITH THE LONE FISHERMAN IN FRONT.  HE HAS
+JUST HEARD THAT THE FISH ARE NOT BITING AND IS SOMEWHAT DEPRESSED IN
+CONSEQUENCE]
+
+We went down through wild mountain gorges to the plain below.  In former
+times the Bedouins who infest these mountains robbed the visitors and
+were a menace to travel, so it became the custom to "settle" with the
+chiefs for "protection" (from themselves) before starting.  The
+management paid up for us and we were duly protected.  In none of Gilbert
+and Sullivan's comic operas can any incident be found that is more
+delicious in its comicality and topsy-turvyism than was our experience
+with these bandit chiefs.  They were mounted on small, nimble horses
+which had all the sure-footedness and agility of the chamois, and sprang
+from rock to rock with surprising certainty.  The rider chief was armed
+to the teeth: he had a long rifle, that had not been fired since the last
+siege of Jerusalem slung across his back, round his body were courses of
+daggers, pistols and dirks--awfully bloodthirsty-looking things, don't
+you know; then he wore a magnificent, three-story turban, topped off with
+a big bunch of dyed green alfalfa; the _tout ensemble_ was completed by a
+dark red, flowing robe which swept behind him in the wind like the wings
+of an angel of death.  This great man would bow to us ceremoniously,
+place his hand on his heart, put spurs to his horse and dash to the top
+of the nearest hill; then, shading his eyes, he would scan the horizon
+with careful scrutiny.  Now with leaps and bounds he would descend again,
+and planting himself before us in the road, would announce that there
+were no robbers in sight, or that his appearance had frightened them off,
+and then shout at the top of his voice,
+
+"BAKSHISH!  BAKSHISH!!"
+
+although he had been already paid.  There were four of them guarding us,
+and at the end they lined up across the road with the idea that we would
+have to settle, but we brushed through them, pushing some of them on
+their backs, so their bluff was "called."
+
+Rooms were scarce at the Jordan hotels, and the drivers of the light
+carriages were anxious to get there ahead of one another in order to
+secure the first choice for their fares; so a general edging up took
+place which resulted finally in a steeplechase across the fields, in
+which several were thrown out.  Our carriage led for the last mile, but
+was passed by two others at the finish, thus giving us third place and
+single rooms as our reward.
+
+My apartment was a whitewashed cell, without ventilation, but it was
+"mine own" and I was happy.  The mirror was hung so high that I had to
+make a pyramid of three boxes on which to stand while shaving.  They were
+quite rickety, and I was between the Scylla of cutting my throat with the
+razor and the Charybdis of breaking my bones by a fall on the floor.
+Neither happened, however.
+
+[Illustration: RIVER JORDAN, WHERE WE CROSSED ON A FERRY-BOAT; THE ONLY
+REASON FOR DOING IT WAS TO TRY A VOYAGE WITHOUT STEWARDS' FEES]
+
+We went in to dinner.  The hotel put up a fine showing of red napkins,
+plated cruet stands (with nothing in the bottles), bundles of toothpicks,
+last week's bread, bright green pickles (that had been dropped into some
+kind of pungent, commercial acid which would have made excellent rat
+poison); paper napkins with Corot landscapes printed on them; and plenty
+of gingersnaps and lady fingers, pretty thoroughly flyblown; the whole
+supplemented with sheaves of wild flowers cut in the fields with a
+scythe.  It all looked grand and imposing for the money, but somehow
+lacked the substantial body (as well as fragrance) of beefsteak and
+onions.  The _piece de resistance_ however, really consisted of stewed
+kid and roast goat.  I could not stomach either, so I went out and bought
+three fresh eggs from a native who kept hens, had them boiled four
+minutes and was the envy of the entire crowd ever after.
+
+There was a large courtyard, and a big, dark, Byronic-looking dragoman
+came round and proposed a barbaric dance to our people.  Ali Cocash was
+his name, and he described this dance as an imitation of a fierce and
+bloody orgy, such as the Bedouins indulge in after a great victory.  They
+were to shout, grunt and brandish their guns, dirks, pistols and swords,
+and to behave generally in a very disreputable manner; in fact, Ali
+gravely intimated that it would be no place for timid ladies.  This
+simply whetted our appetites and we promptly closed with him for the
+dance for a certain amount of "teep."  The hat was passed and the tips
+put in.  Then a row of about twenty-five as hangdog-looking Bedouins as
+were ever strung up in the Valley of Jehoshaphat began a kind of mewling
+cry, such as a rat would make in a trap.  This did not satisfy us and we
+went for Cocash; we wanted "blood!" or at least an imitation of crime and
+deviltry.  Ali consulted with the Bedouins and came back with a smiling
+solution of our difficulty.  He said,
+
+"My men have had a hard day's work and are tired and not able to do
+themselves justice, but if you give them more 'teep,' they will give you
+a good show and you will see something, sure."
+
+Again the hat was passed, and the sons of the desert, after some rest,
+began anew.  This time they brought torches with them, and they did make
+an abominable lot of noise and flung their armory about in a really
+reckless fashion.  One of them dropped a burning torch on his neighbor
+and set fire to his clothes; this led to a fight which soon became
+general, and they began to bang one another right and left with anything
+that came to hand.  Blood was flowing freely and the dragoman was in
+despair.  He rushed into a stable and came out with a wooden pitchfork
+with which he drove them back, and restored order once more.
+
+Two accomplished young ladies from the _Cork_ then gave us a skirt dance,
+which happily closed a very exciting day.  I went to bed in my cell.  It
+was a fine, moonlight night, and a three-cornered contest soon started
+between donkeys braying, jackals howling and dogs barking; but we were
+very tired, and they made no more impression on us than would Raff's
+_Cavatina_ played on the violin with a mute.
+
+We were up early next morning and off for the Jordan and the Dead Sea.
+We stopped to look at and drink of Elisha's Fountain, a fine, copious
+spring forming a large stream.  Near it I talked with several German
+officers who were making excavations for some German savants.  They had
+got down to where the old buildings had been, and were pleased with their
+prospects.  They were nice fellows, and very hospitable--strangers in a
+strange land usually are.
+
+Next we came to Gilgal, and then to the Jordan.  I crossed it in a canoe
+for sixpence--not that I had any business on the other side, but just to
+say that I did it, and to make some kind of a voyage for once without
+tips to the stewards on the passage.  The river is about one hundred and
+thirty-seven miles long and falls three thousand feet on its way to the
+Dead Sea.  They do a large bottling business at places on the banks,
+where the natives bottle the water and sell it to visitors for baptismal
+purposes all over the world.
+
+Lower down is the Dead Sea; it is forty-seven miles long, nine miles
+wide, and thirteen hundred feet deep.  Its surface is thirteen hundred
+feet below sea level; this and the shelter of the hills makes the country
+very hot in this valley.  The Dead Sea water contains five times as much
+salt as the ocean.  Six and a half million tons of water flow into it
+from the Jordan daily, which amount is evaporated, as the sea has no
+outlet.  No living thing can exist in it, and the bathers who try to swim
+rise to the surface like corks.
+
+We returned to Jerusalem the way we had come, meeting a train of eighty
+camels on the way, which some one called the "oriental express."  After
+staying a couple of days at Jerusalem, we returned to the _Cork_, which
+was waiting for us at Joppa.  The natives had not "moved" Simon the
+tanner's house again and we saw it once more.
+
+We sailed for Alexandria and reached it next day.  Alexandria is now a
+big, modern town and has a great history behind it, too long for any
+repetition here.  Not long ago, before "Charley" Beresford, the popular
+Irish admiral, had gained his title, he commanded the _Condor_ at the
+siege of this city, and before the Turks knew it he had stolen under
+their forts and they could not point their "graft"-made guns down on him.
+Through this advantage he "batted out" a famous victory and the Turks
+surrendered in short order.  After he had completed the _coup_, his
+admiral signaled the now famous words, "Well done, _Condor_!" which rival
+the Duke's, "Up, Guards, and at them!" of Waterloo memory.  He is to-day
+almost as well known and as great a favorite in America as he is in
+London.
+
+We took the train and arrived at Cairo in four hours.
+
+
+
+EGYPT
+
+CAIRO
+
+Cairo is the largest city in Africa, having a population of 570,000, of
+whom 35,000 are Europeans.  It is the Paris of the East, and is the
+most varied and fascinating place on the earth.  It is a military city
+with English soldiers, Arab lancers, Soudanese infantry and Egyptian
+cavalry, all in picturesque variety of uniform; added to this is the
+gayety of the official government life, all on pleasure bent.  Most of
+their time is spent in play, as they only work from 10 till 1 P.M.--the
+climate prevents longer hours.  Cairo has every amusement of the
+European capital, and each is played for all it is worth.  I was there
+in 1874 on my way round the world, and I now found it so much changed
+and improved that it was a strange place to me.  I stayed at
+"Shepheard's" both times.  On my first visit this hotel was set in a
+tropical park and had no buildings near it; now it is closely
+surrounded by high, costly, substantial structures quite cosmopolitan
+in their appearance.  It was the only good hotel then; now there are
+half a dozen rivals, as Egypt has become a great winter resort for
+fashion and health.  From Shepheard's veranda, crowded with tourists,
+one may see hawkers of all kinds yelling, or coaxing possible
+purchasers, and offering post-cards, ornamental fly-whisks,
+walking-sticks, shawls, scarabs, etc.; snake charmers, boys with
+performing animals, jugglers, and every possible thing you can think of
+that might be bought for a souvenir; then we have the Egyptian women
+with blue gowns and their faces below the eyes hidden by hideous black
+veils; Bedouins from the desert; a pasha in state, with runners both
+before and behind his carriage; a professional letter-writer who for a
+couple of _piastres_ will write a letter in almost any desired
+language; a camel train laden with oriental merchandise passing in the
+midst of trolley-cars, bicycles and automobiles; a fellah woman with a
+donkey loaded with baskets of poultry, or a turkey vendor driving his
+flock before him, guiding its movements by a palm branch; a milkman
+driving his cow and milking it in public for his waiting customers; a
+wedding procession preceded by a group of dancing girls, or two
+half-naked mountebanks engaging in pretended combats; a gaudily
+bedecked bride riding in a gorgeous palanquin borne by two camels,
+followed by camels carrying furniture and presents; a funeral
+procession with black-shawled professional mourners howling their
+mercenary grief--all this and more too is Cairo.
+
+[Illustration: POOL OF SILOAM, JERUSALEM, HOLY LAND]
+
+The climate of Egypt is peculiar: from noon till 5 P.M. it is hot and
+uncomfortable; the other nineteen hours are delightfully cool in
+winter, the air being very dry and healthful, with little or no rain.
+At Cairo the Citadel is the main attraction.  It stands on a rampart
+two hundred and fifty feet above the city and is a splendid fortress.
+The city has many mosques--hundreds of them; the most important one is
+that of Sultan Hassan.  The Museum is very interesting, and contains
+the best things from all the temples of Egypt, objects that could not
+well stand exposure nor the risk of theft.  Then, of course, there are
+the Pyramids of Gizeh, three in number, and the Sphinx.  These world
+wonders are about six miles from Cairo.  Few will realize that the big
+one sits on a base of thirteen acres and is over four hundred and fifty
+feet high.  Pick out in your mind's eye some large field of about that
+size, and then build it up from that base and you will have some idea
+of what this structure is like.  It contains three million cubic yards
+of stone and was simply a tomb for an Egyptian king.  It has a majestic
+dignity and impressiveness exceeding that of any other work of man; as
+it is approached one feels like an ant in its presence.
+
+The Sphinx near by is of the same nature.  It is sixty-six feet high,
+hewn out of the living rock.  No one has discovered with what intention
+it was made nor what it is meant to represent.  It is said to be the
+emblem of immortality, and it impresses the visitor with the idea that
+it sits serene in its nobility above the earth and its inhabitants and
+all else that the world contains.  It has always been a riddle and will
+always remain one.  A thought struck me when looking at the Pyramids
+and the Sphinx, and that was that no object of any kind, natural or
+artificial, has ever been seen by so many great men in all ages as has
+this group at Gizeh.  For six thousand years the great of all nations
+have made an effort to look upon these mammoth monuments: Alexander saw
+them, so did Napoleon and Admiral Nelson; also the heroes of Salamis
+and Marathon; all the Roman emperors who could spare the time; lines of
+European kings and emperors; poets, sculptors and dramatists of ancient
+and modern days; statesmen, painters and writers--all made pilgrimages
+to them; while these very same stones were seen by Cleopatra, Mark
+Antony, Joseph, Jacob and Abraham, as well as by thousands who preceded
+them in history.  They are awe-inspiring, and the spectator, do what he
+may, cannot release himself from this feeling.
+
+[Illustration: VIRGIN'S FOUNTAIN, HOLY LAND]
+
+A short ride on a camel round the group winds up the visit, and the
+view from the "high ground" of its back across the great desert
+convinces the rider that he is really in the East.  Since it rarely
+storms in lower Egypt and rains are unknown here, this would seem to be
+the ideal spot for our new wind wagons.  They would carry you above the
+flies, the reflected heat and the dust.  Then, too, what a nice, soft
+place the sand would make for a final landing place!
+
+Cairo lately had a real estate boom which ended in a financial crash.
+One man made about three million dollars in it, and when he lost this
+fortune committed suicide.  They employed American methods, holding
+auction sales of lots in tents, with brass bands, refreshments, etc.
+The East is hardly ready for that sort of thing just yet.
+
+
+_The Mummy and the Scarab_
+
+The word "mummy" is derived from the Arabic word mumiya, meaning
+bitumen, or wax, which was the principal ingredient used in preserving
+the human body by the Egyptians.  To this were added spices, aromatic
+gums, salt and soda.  The rich paid about the equivalent of $1200 per
+body to have the embalming done; the middle classes for a cheaper
+process paid about $100, while it cost the poor but a small sum to
+simply salt their dead.  I saw the naked body of Rameses II. in the
+Cairo Museum; it had been preserved with bitumen, and was black and
+hard, but perfect, and will last forever.  Many bodies more cheaply
+embalmed fall to pieces when the cloth is unrolled from them.  The
+people of Thebes understood the business best, and brought the art to
+perfection, but each of the twenty-six dynasties had its own method and
+reputation.  The reason for preserving the body was the belief that the
+soul after purification would return to it in ages to come, and the
+corpse was made impervious to decay so as to receive the spirit again.
+Egypt was consequently a vast sepulchre: it has been estimated by
+eminent authorities that there were over seven hundred millions of the
+dead preserved in tombs and graves.
+
+The scarab is an Egyptian beetle of varying size; I have seen lots of
+living specimens on the Nile.  The ancients believed that if this
+beetle were placed in the coffin or grave of the dead, no harm could
+come to them, and that its presence would promote their future
+happiness and bring them good luck; therefore, it became the custom to
+place the scarabs in all graves.  At first the real insects were used,
+but it was found that these did not last, so imitations made of
+semi-precious stones were substituted, and then large quantities were
+allotted to the dead, so as to make sure.  By easy transition, the
+custom of placing scarabs on the bodies of the dead passed to putting
+them on the living, and men and women wore the scarab as a silent act
+of homage to the Creator, who was not only the God of the dead but of
+the living also.  These charms are easily carried and can be used in
+settings for many ornamental purposes; therefore they are the most
+popular and widely sought article in the market.  They are as small as
+a coffee bean, and run up sometimes to the size of a walnut, green and
+brown being the most popular colors of the stones out of which they are
+made.  Vast quantities of them have been taken from graves, but these
+have been absorbed by museums and amateur collectors, and now we have
+to fall back on imitations.  No yearning desire is allowed to yearn
+long here, and so we find factories making scarabs at Luxor and in many
+other parts of Egypt.  Of course there is a marked difference between a
+scarab cut by an old Egyptian, which has been buried for thousands of
+years, and something made out of glazed terra-cotta and sold by the
+dozen; the former being worth a good sum of money and the latter a mere
+trifle.  I have spoken of this at such length because there is now a
+veritable and increasing boom in scarabs all over the Nile Valley, but
+particularly in Cairo.  More than half the men you meet on the streets
+are peddling them, shouting that they sell only the "real thing."  A
+man was trying to sell me a gem for $10, and I knocked him out by
+saying I wanted only an imitation; he put the gem in his pocket,
+pretending he was exchanging it for an imitation, brought it out again
+and sold it to me for five cents!  I looked at him for a long time and
+smiled; then he smiled also--we understood each other.  This fad is
+very like the tulip mania of old, and almost every one is touched by
+it.  I saw a dragoman sell a lady three scarabs for $30, and I am quite
+sure they did not cost him fifty cents.
+
+
+THE NILE
+
+We took a train entirely filled with the "Corks," and went up the Nile
+to Luxor, nearly five hundred miles from Cairo; some of the party were
+going to other places and would take their turn on the Nile later.
+When you have seen the ruins at Luxor, Karnak and Thebes you have seen
+the best there is in Egypt, and there is but little use in looking at
+minor temples unless you desire to become an Egyptologist.  Here is a
+feast in ruins that will satisfy almost any appetite.
+
+[Illustration: THE TOWER OF DAVID, JERUSALEM]
+
+We were quartered on a Nile steamer, moored to the dock, as the hotels
+were crowded.  We had hardly landed on the deck when the flies lit on
+us in swarms.  In all parts of the world I had encountered flies that
+held the record for abandoned cruelty to man, but they were
+white-winged angels of peace compared to these tarantulas!  They stuck
+and hung and dug into your flesh with apparent glee.  You have whips,
+whisks, fans and bunches of twigs to chase and defeat them, but it's
+all no use.  You kill a dozen, and a hundred take their place.  After
+standing the pests as long as I could, I got some netting and made bags
+for my head and hands.  This was a great relief, but it had its
+penalties.  Dying _without_ flies is almost as attractive as living on
+the Nile with them.
+
+Gooley Can was our guide.  It may be here said of Gooley that he was an
+Arab of middle age, well set up for the most part; he spoke fair
+English, and was a conversational soloist of no mean pretensions.  He
+had a brother who was just a plain guide, with a cast in one eye and a
+great admiration for Gooley; he was generally full of sadness (and
+grog), brought about by disappointments in his profession.  Gooley had
+a great reputation, and as he was exclusive he always looked his party
+over and sized it up before taking the job; also he had one wife and
+was on the lookout for more.  He claimed to have piloted rafts of big
+men up and down the Nile, and was not to be frowned down by anybody.
+He was a gorgeous, oriental dresser, and had a wardrobe as big and
+grand as Berry Wall's; so the "Corks" were fortunate indeed in securing
+the great man.  He was known descriptively as the "Snowball of the
+Nile."
+
+The Luxor Temple was near by, and we started right into business.
+Gooley gathered us together and gave us a lecture.  He said:
+
+"Laydies en genteelmen, ef you plaze: I shall be your guide for a week
+and I want you to pay attention to me.  I want no disputing of what I
+say.  I am an honest man; I speak the truth, and I know my beeziness.
+You can't expect less; you should not hope for more."
+
+After this explicit statement, Gooley put a roll in his cuffs, cocked
+his turban at the correct angle, hitched up his sash, cleared his
+throat, and began the business of the day.  He uncorked a new bottle of
+adjectives in florid description of each wonder as he reached the
+ever-lasting wilderness of courts, pillars and obelisks, of
+hieroglyphics, bas-reliefs, pylons, hypostyles, colonnades, giant rows
+of columns--till he got out of breath and our brains seemed muddled
+into a grand pot-pourri done in granite, marble and limestone--but
+alas! without salt or pepper!  Gooley told us what King Bubastis said,
+what Setee I. did--he of the Armchair Dynasty; how Amenophis III. was
+no better than he should have been; and that the ladies of those days,
+including Cleopatra, painted and wore false hair just as they do now.
+
+Gooley had a vein of sarcastic wit about him.  He said:
+
+"You Americans think you invent everything, but you don't: there's the
+cake-walk cut on that stone four thousand years ago.  The girls do it
+in the latest fashion; and over there you will see Queen Hat-shep-set
+spanking her child, the young king, in the usual manner"--(and in the
+usual place).
+
+  "Lots of men would leave their footprints
+    Time's eternal sands to grace,
+  Had they gotten mother's slipper
+    At the proper time and place."
+
+
+The temples were very hot in the middle of the day, about ninety-five
+in the shade, and there was but little air moving, so we sat down for a
+rest, and it came to pass that Gooley considered this a good time to
+spring his scarabs on us, with the unvarying formula with which he
+constantly opened every description:
+
+"Laydies en genteelmen, ef you plaze: you have no doubt heard in Cairo
+of the fraudulent imitations of scarabs that are being foisted on
+visitors to the Nile and sold as real scarabs.  I have scarabs for
+sale"--(he was interrupted at this point by applause and hand-clapping,
+as the "Corks" were eager for the fray and wanted to get into the game).
+
+"Laydies en genteelmen, ef you plaze; I am glad to see you are
+interested in my goods, and I will now show them to you.  I am an
+honest man, and so was my father before me.  Father and son, we have
+sold scarabs to the crowned heads of Europe and to the nobility and
+gentry of England, Scotland and _Ireland_--think of that, Mr. Bayne!  I
+would not cheat you; I am too proud to do that, and if I told you a lie
+my father would turn in his grave!  There were twenty-six dynasties of
+Pharaohs, and each one of them had scarabs of his own pattern.  I have
+many examples of the oldest and best, some of them having but one eye."
+
+Assured in this wholesale and convincing fashion, the "Corks" fell to
+and made many purchases from Gooley, who told them that his uncle,
+Hajie Hassan, was a professional excavator and had lately made an
+important find in some graves at Thebes, and that every one of his
+scarabs had been taken by this uncle from the coffins.  (By the way, at
+Thebes they dig mummies with scarabs attached about as we dig our
+potatoes, and of course the big bugs are the most valuable and
+expensive.)  The prevailing average price was one hundred _piastres_
+each, but he was very concise and particular about his prices, and for
+some he charged a few _piastres_ less, for others a trifle more, as he
+said he knew their exact value and asked only the rate that the Museum,
+the crowned heads and the savants were anxious to pay for them.  Some
+of the "Corks" openly scoffed at this line of talk and threw the gaff
+into him without mercy.  This hurt the great man's feelings, and he
+jumped up and told them that he was rarely asked for a guarantee, but
+since suspicion had been cast upon him in an unfair way, he would clear
+himself by giving each purchaser a written guarantee.  Whereupon he
+pulled out a book like a cheque-book and filled out the details, signed
+it, and handed each purchaser a "guarantee."  This had a tendency to
+restore confidence and he made some more sales; but it was getting late
+and we adjourned to the steamer.
+
+[Illustration: THE SPHINX--THE GRAND OLD GIRL OF ALL SCULPTURE.  THE
+SUN'S KISS WAS THE ONLY ONE SHE EVER HAD.  THE QUEEN OF POST-CARDS, TO
+WHICH THE PYRAMID BEHIND HER RUNS A CLOSE SECOND]
+
+We had a _table d'hote_ dinner, and when the Nile fish course was
+reached, Gooley appeared between the tables, arrayed in gorgeous,
+Arabic robes, and addressed his audience thus:
+
+"Laydies en genteelmen, ef you plaze: my family has been story-tellers
+on the Nile for many generations, and ef you plaze I shall tell you
+some Arabian Nights tales."
+
+With many gestures and admirable poise he told his stories between the
+courses; the "Corks" laughed, but the laughter had an apologetic ring
+that did not speak well for its sincerity.  The truth is, the men were
+afraid to laugh in the presence of the ladies, as the stories were full
+flavored and spicy; but still, no one fainted.  I may say that during
+our voyage Gooley repeated this performance at each dinner and changed
+his costume on every occasion, always coming out with some little
+pleasing surprise, such as a silver ornament stuck through the top of
+his ear (where there was a hole for it).  Some of the Arab stewards
+also wore these, but none was so grand as Gooley's.
+
+Dinner over, we sat out on deck in comfort, as the sun had set and the
+flies had quit for the day.  Beside us was anchored J. P. Morgan's
+_dahabiyeh_, Mr. Morgan and his party dining on board.  He had been up
+the river and was coming down in easy stages, landing at the various
+points of interest.
+
+Next morning we mounted donkeys, and with Gooley Can leading we started
+for Karnak.  It was a funny experience, as some of us had never ridden
+a donkey, and many had not been on horseback for years.  We were a
+weird looking crew, with our heads in net bags and using our fly-whips
+like flails.  Each donkey has a "boy" (half of them are men), who prods
+and whips his charge, but without any cruelty, as the riders would not
+allow it.  These boys are full of tricks: when I alighted squarely on
+the ground, one of them had edged up to me and he set up a loud howl,
+claiming I had lit on his toes and had broken two of them.  I had seen
+the trick played before, and noticing an Englishman near with a heavy
+whip I reached for it and made the "boy" really suffer.  His friends
+laughed at his failure, and before long he joined in the merriment at
+his own expense.  He had asked me for three dollars damages, equal to a
+dollar and a half a toe.  On comparing notes in the evening we found
+that three passengers had parted with _bakshish_ on similar claims.
+
+We now entered the largest ruin in the world, the Temple of Karnak, a
+monument of unparalleled grandeur, whose vast proportions overpower the
+imagination.  The temples at Karnak and Luxor are connected by an
+avenue six thousand five hundred feet long, with a width of eighty
+feet, on each side of which are ranged a row of sphinxes.  To describe
+these wonders in detail would require weeks, as will be understood when
+it is explained that one place, called the "Hall of Columns," alone
+contains a vast forest of pillars arranged in groups running from
+thirty-five to sixty feet high and each having a circumference of
+twenty-seven feet, all highly carved and ornamented.  Another object of
+interest, the First Pylon or Corner Tower, is three hundred and
+seventy-five feet wide and a hundred and forty-two feet high.  Many
+kings and rulers had a hand in the construction of these great
+buildings, and it took fifteen centuries to complete them, but one
+character stands out above all other men and things as a builder of
+these ruins and the king-pin of Egypt--
+
+
+_Rameses II._
+
+Rameses II. was the greatest advertiser of any age or time.  He erected
+rows of colossal statues to himself all over Egypt, and for fear some
+one would not notice a _single_ figure, he would place half a dozen
+side by side.  He was usually represented in his Sunday clothes, with a
+pleasing smile, and a granite goatee on his chin as big as a
+narrow-gauge freight car.  (See photograph.)  "Ram" was the most
+celebrated of the Pharaohs; he reigned seventy years, and was over a
+hundred years old when he died.  As a young man he won a real battle,
+and he spent the rest of his life singing about it through paid,
+professional poets.  He had one hundred and eleven sons and fifty-nine
+daughters.  (That was going some!)  However, suspicious hieroglyphics
+have been found that go to show that Ram was chased in many battles,
+and that one barbarian had the audacity to tin-can him into the
+neighboring desert, from which he did not return for many moons.
+Kadesh was his Thermopylae, and the Khetas compelled him to recognize
+their independence at the treaty of Tanis.  This made the old man sick,
+as he was not accustomed to taking "second money."  They had no
+"germans" in those days, but Ram is shown in one of the alto-rilievos
+in his temple nimbly leading the cake-walk, leaning as far back as ever
+Dixey did when exploiting that dance.  In the matter of carving, Ward
+McAllister couldn't hold a candle to him: he used no knife nor fork,
+but slashed his Christmas turkey in pieces with his dirk, ate it and
+called for the next course.  His wife never got any of the white
+meat--the drum-sticks were good enough for her.  He was more than a
+two-bottle man: this is made plain in the reliefs by the number of
+"empties" that are stacked upon his table, and also by the fact that he
+built and stocked a celebrated wine cellar at Thebes, his best vintage
+being "1333 B.C."
+
+[Illustration: RAMESES II.  THE GREAT PHARAOH OF THE XIXTH DYNASTY AND
+THE GRAND OLD MAN OF ALL TIME.  AS HE APPEARS NOW IN A GLASS CASE IN
+THE CAIRO MUSEUM.  IT IS THREE THOUSAND TWO HUNDRED YEARS SINCE HE DID
+A STROKE OF WORK.  YET HIS BODY IS SO IMPERISHABLY EMBALMED THAT, IF
+NOT DESTROYED BY FIRE.  IT IS CERTAIN TO BE WITH US TILL THIS EARTH HAS
+PASSED AWAY.  FOR MANY REASONS RAMESES II. IS NOW THE MOST UNIQUE,
+PICTURESQUE, AND CELEBRATED PERSONAGE IN ALL HISTORY.  WE MUST TAKE OFF
+OUR HATS TO HIM.]
+
+When Ram dropped into his smoking den after the coronation, the first
+thing he did was to order all the stone-cutters, from Cairo to the
+Sixth Cataract, to get out their tools and cut his praises on the
+stones, rocks, pyramids, tombs and obelisks, according to the plans and
+specifications of his architects, professional poets and press agents,
+all along the river right down to low-water mark, and there they stand
+to this day.  One of the favorite postscripts is that this great king
+never took off his hat to anybody that ever "blew up" the Nile.  Even
+in those very, very early days they had a masonic understanding that he
+who sails on the Nile must "contribute," and it is a curious fact that
+that requisition has never been revoked even unto this writing.
+
+On the whole, Ram was a magnanimous man and did not forget his wife; he
+had her done in a group with himself in which she stands behind his leg
+and hardly reaches his knee; something like a prize doll at a fair.  He
+got other men to do the most of his fighting and, for that matter,
+almost everything else, but he never failed to take the credit for
+whatever they did.
+
+[Illustration: ARAB TYPES--CAMEL DRIVERS--SUNBURNT SNOWBALLS OF THE
+NILE]
+
+The great men of England are buried in Westminster Abbey, and
+succeeding generations gaze on their statues with awe and admiration;
+but as there is nothing of the kind in Egypt, the authorities content
+themselves with placing the conspicuous heroes and kings of the past in
+full view in glass cases in the museums, where even the small boys may
+stare at them in the "altogether," without blanket, bathrobe or pajamas
+to cover their physical imperfections.  After "life's fitful fever,"
+poor old Ram and his historical rivals and friends sleep well in these
+hard, ebony boxes in the museum at Cairo.  Ram had lots of air and
+elbow room during his spectacular career, and it seems hardly fair that
+he should be kept on exhibition now, although his mummy is most
+interesting and always draws a crowd.  To parody William a little, it
+might be said:
+
+  To what base uses may we come!
+      *      *      *      *
+  Imperial Ram'ses dead and turn'd to clay
+  Might stop a hole to keep the wind away.
+  O, that that earth, which set the Nile on fire,
+  Should lie in glass! this is a fate too dire!
+
+
+Ram, scarabs, flies, and _bakshish_ are, after all, the main things of
+Egypt and the Nile.  I once asked Gooley Can confidentially:
+
+"How many statues did the great king put up for himself--two hundred?"
+
+"Oh, very many more than that! he was a busy man."
+
+But in many departments he had his rivals.  Now there was Bubastis I.
+of the twenty-second dynasty.  (His name seems somewhat similar to that
+of our old friend Bombastes, when pronounced by a man with a cold in
+his head--but anyway, we'll call him "Bub.")  He was a man of not a few
+accomplishments, many habits and some deeds: for instance, he made a
+grand-stand play when he started out for Jerusalem with twelve hundred
+chariots, sixty thousand horsemen and four hundred thousand footmen.
+He took it hands down in a canter--and took a whole lot of other
+things, too, when he got his hands in the bags of Solomon's temple.
+This was a "classy" performance and gave him some small change for the
+evening of his days.  Thebes was his home town and he was as well known
+in the all-night restaurants as Oscar Hammerstein is on Forty-second
+Street.  He was a great poker player, and wore an amalgamated copper
+mask when engaged in a stiff game; it was a helpful foil when trying to
+work his passage on a pair of trays.  This, mind you, was in the stone
+age of poker, when a man couldn't hide his feelings when he held a full
+hand.  To-day the player sits disconsolate and looks woebegone when
+glancing at his royal flush.
+
+When Bub got hard up he made raids on the "capitulists" of the day, and
+often cleaned up both banks of the Nile, from Wady Halfa to Port Said.
+When short of funds he frequently staked ten cars of watermelons or a
+bunch of steers on a single hand, and most always "pulled it off."  He
+became infatuated with an odalisk who was a popular favorite at the
+Beni Hassan opera house--the rock he split on was _Annie Laurie_, that
+good old song, then well known in Lower Egypt, which she sang with chic
+and abandon.  Bub met her at the stage door after the performance, took
+her to a "canned lobster palace," and then eloped with her to the
+Second Cataract, instead of coming right over here to Niagara Falls and
+doing the thing up in regulation style.  I assume they had a _Maid of
+the Mist_ at the cataract, and if so he certainly had his photograph
+taken in a suit of oilskin--but, of course, this is only an assumption.
+However, it is a certainty that he was a plunger and often cornered the
+melon crop in the Produce Exchange at Abydos, when the sprouting season
+was delayed by floods.  It is said that Bubastis I. had more scarabs
+buried with him than had any other king that ever ruled the land; I
+have no doubt of it, for some of them are offered daily at Shepheard's
+by a dozen scarab scalpers.
+
+Some sceptical readers may raise their brows at this synopsis of a
+great man's life, but no suspicions need exist.  It was all told to me
+in strict confidence by Gooley Can in his tent at Luxor, over a cup of
+afternoon tea.  He explained that he had dug out these facts in the
+museums in the slack season when tourists were scarce, and that I could
+rely on them implicitly.
+
+While he was at it, Gooley gave me a few tabloid truths regarding Setee
+I., who, it seems, rivaled and even excelled both Ram and Bub in the
+realm of sport.  Setee, as his name implies, was not of royal blood,
+but was descended from a line of chair makers, having their main
+factory at Beni Suef.  As a youth of eighteen he won the single sculls
+championship, defeating a large field.  He was the captain of the
+cricket eleven, and defeated the Asia Minors in a game which lasted
+most of the summer, scoring three hundred and seventy-five runs off his
+own bat in the first innings.  This was a great boost for cricket, and
+it has been popular in England ever since.  He was fullback on the
+Pyramids eleven, and was famous in his day as a punter.  He kicked as
+many goals for his side as ever Cadwalader did when "Cad" was Yale's
+great centre rush.  It was Setee's custom, of a Sunday morning after
+church was out, to take his pole and vault the Sphinx, just to astonish
+the Arabs on their native heath; and he was never known to touch her
+back in making the record.  In common with most of the great Pharaohs I
+have been describing, Setee had a trick of cutting his name on any
+statue of a dead one that he thought would advance his fame with future
+generations; he never hesitated to hack out the other fellow's
+signature and insert his own.  In these cases he usually asked the
+stone-cutter to add a few kind words to show posterity that he was a
+great man and a good fellow.  It will be seen at a glance that this
+broad-gauge and fearless type of man would be eminently fitted for a
+dazzling banking career, and feeling entire confidence in himself,
+Setee organized the First National Bank and Trust Company of Wady
+Halfa--a comprehensive title, perhaps, but that was what was wanted.
+He became its first president, and inaugurated a splendid system of
+banking--one very much needed to-day.  Some of his plans embraced the
+charging of "reverse interest "--_i.e._, five per cent. for the
+responsibility of caring for the depositor's money.  He had an act
+passed compelling all of his subjects worth a thousand _piastres_ to
+deposit in the royal bank, and they had to do it.  If anybody failed on
+him, the debtor had a tooth pulled every month till the debt was paid.
+But somehow the snap was too soft, for it fell out that in a few years
+Setee had all the money and there was no more to get nor any customers
+to do business with, so he closed the bank and with great success
+promoted the first Nile Irrigating Company, the remnants of which are
+slowly working out their salvation to-day.
+
+Gooley also stated that the men were not the whole thing by any means:
+
+"Just think what a bird-of-paradise Queen Hatshepset was, and all the
+history she made!" enthusiastically exclaimed my historical Boswell.
+She was the daughter of King Thothmes I., who gave her a Pullman palace
+car name; she was regarded as the Boadicea of the Orient.  "Hattie"
+built temples, fought battles, and was, in fact, found on the firing
+line during most of her reign.  Like most other ladies, she had her
+personal idiosyncrasies: for instance, she wore men's clothes when not
+engaged in court functions; she shaved twice a week, but let her beard
+grow when on an extended campaign so as to give her all the appearance
+of a warrior.  Hattie made a famous expedition to a place called Punt,
+and there she swindled the natives by exchanging the cheap dry-goods
+she had with her for gold and rare jewels.  She married her
+half-brother, Thothmes II., and made it very hot for him during their
+reign.  She wore the "pants" in theory as well as in practice and was
+the undisputed leader of the "four hundred" in Cairo, being the
+headliner in the Levantine book of _Who's Who?_  Her greatest work was
+the erection of the vast temple of Der-al-Bahari, part of it ornamented
+in fine gold.  Hattie smote her pocketbook for the count on this
+structure--like as not she had to mortgage her Luxor villa to meet the
+final pay-roll.  Den Mut was her architect and he grew rich as the
+buildings increased.  He owned a centipede barge on the Nile, which was
+the badge of big money in those days.
+
+[Illustration: RAM IN THE LIME-LIGHT, WITH THE INEVITABLE GOATEE.  THE
+ONLY WAY HE COULD TRIM IT WAS WITH A BLAST OF DYNAMITE]
+
+Gooley wasn't always a treasure; he frequently irritated me by
+designating certain things as "cool-o-sall'." I said to him one day:
+
+"Gooley, when I was a boy they pronounced that word _colossal_."
+
+"Mr. Bayne, I don't care what they called it when you were a boy; I
+call it cool-o-sall', and that goes on the Nile.  What's been good
+enough for King Edward you will have to put up with."
+
+The crowd laughed and I subsided--for awhile.  Afterward I caught
+Gooley on his dates, but he again called me down:
+
+"Mr. Bayne, if you think you can do this thing better than I can, why,
+get up here and try it!"
+
+And so we rattled along from one gibe to another till we mounted our
+donkeys, rode out from the temples and started for the steamer.  As we
+came away we passed Mr. Morgan, who had chosen the cool of the evening
+for his visit, even though the light was not so good.
+
+There is an art in horse-racing known as the "hand ride," perfected by
+Todd Sloan--_i.e._, swinging the hands from side to side and thus
+rolling the bit to excite the animal.  I tried it on my donkey and as
+he had never experienced it before, it excited him so much that he
+started out with a rush that threw me over his head before we had gone
+ten yards.  I was somewhat crestfallen, but remounted, and took "an
+humbler flight" for the rest of the journey.
+
+[Illustration: OUR OWN NILE DONKEY, "BALLY-HOO-BEY."  KNEW HIS BUSINESS
+LIKE A BOOK, BUT OBJECTED TO THE TOD SLOAN RIDE (SPOKEN OF IN THE
+TEXT)--A WILD WEST EFFORT IN THE FAR EAST.  ALI BABA, JR., IN THE
+SADDLE]
+
+Next day we started down the Nile, stopping at many places, but as they
+did not compare in interest or importance with Luxor, Karnak or Thebes,
+I shall not try to describe them.  The season was closing, the river
+had fallen six feet while we were coming down stream, and the Nile was
+now so low that we frequently stuck on the shifting sand-bars.  As the
+pilots could not see the channels in the dark, we tied up at some town
+on the banks every night and consequently made slow time.  After dinner
+the shopkeepers brought down their wares, spread sheets on the ground
+and opened up for business by torchlight and the light furnished by the
+steamer.  The "Corks" were active buyers for home consumption, and
+after a violent passage of arms usually got what they wanted at a
+discount of ninety per cent. from the first offer.  If there is
+anything on earth that these towns did not bring down to us, I want to
+see it!--from monkeys to tame snakes in the line of living things, and
+from lion skins to mummies in the dead.  The natives were not allowed
+on board, and as there was great jostling on shore, the "Corks" stood
+on the deck and the articles for sale were rolled in bundles and fired
+at them for inspection, the owners giving the price in _piastres_ by
+signs on their fingers.  After a native made a sale, his fellows took
+him by the throat and ran him to the back of the dock.  He had been
+successful and they would not allow him to compete again that evening.
+Toward the end, some "Corks" would risk it and mix with the crowd on
+shore, but their clothes were literally torn off them in a few moments,
+which caused an immediate retreat.  The natives were so excited and
+each so persistent in his efforts to get more than his share of the
+trade, that they frequently pushed one another into the Nile, wetting
+themselves and their wares, much to the amusement of the onlookers.
+But high above this rude brawling the scarab stood alone.  When a fresh
+bag of them was opened, a blight fell on all other wares.  Bargaining
+in them, indeed, was regarded as a kind of sacred function, as it was
+believed we were dealing in the jewels and mascots of the deadest
+people in all history.  No greater investment could possibly be made
+than to float a corporation and start a factory in Connecticut for
+their manufacture and distribution, for it is but the few who may own
+the genuine--there aren't enough to go round.  None of the manufactured
+product need be offered in America; they can all be absorbed on the
+Nile.  One man shouted with glee, as he waved a small bag of them in
+the air:
+
+"What's the use of bothering with Steel common?  See what I have got
+for a five-dollar bill!"
+
+The sport ran high, and while it was active an Arab appeared on deck
+with a basket.  He approached me and said he had five sacred kittens
+and some scarabs, and as he was not much of a salesman, a little short
+in his English and out of funds, he wanted me to auction them off to
+help him out.  As I had done this kind of thing before, I accepted the
+delicate position and in a short time had planted his stock in new and
+responsible hands that would not be likely to throw it again on the
+market in its present critical condition.  He gave me his oriental
+blessing and stole out softly into the night; his parents haven't seen
+him since.
+
+Perhaps it may have been noticed that wherever we went there were
+unusual doings and excitement.  This is true, as, long before we
+arrived anywhere, our coming was heralded in the papers, and as the
+party was exceptionally large, all Southern Europe and North Africa
+felt bound to get a whack at our pocketbooks.
+
+Two striking things may be seen on the Nile.  One is the irrigation of
+the land by hand: this is accomplished by lifting up the water in
+buckets by means of poles balanced with a weight equal to that of the
+water.  This hard work is done by hundreds of thousands of natives, who
+are practically naked and do this labor in the hot sun.  The banks are
+lined with them on each side for more than a thousand miles.  When the
+length of the Nile is reckoned from its extreme source, it is four
+thousand and ninety-eight miles long, making it perhaps the longest
+river in the world, although the Mississippi, the Amazon and the Congo
+are about as long.  Between Khartoum and the sea the Nile has six
+cataracts, some of them very rapid.  Dry up the Nile and Egypt would be
+like the Desert of Sahara in a month; the river is its very heart's
+blood and makes it everything it is.  Labor is cheap on the Nile: the
+men who hoist the irrigating water get only a few cents a day; a hotel
+waiter gets a dollar a month, with board and lodging; and so it goes in
+proportion.
+
+The other activity that arrests one's attention is the planting of
+melon seeds in rows on the flat banks at low water.  Later the river
+overflows them and when the flood subsides the plants are well on the
+way toward bearing.  Our negroes call them "water-millions;" that name
+would be most appropriate in Egypt.
+
+When Beni-Hassan was reached we made an early start and rode out on
+donkeys to see the famous tombs hewn out of the living rock.  As we
+were returning we met Mr. Morgan and his party coming up the hill.  A
+sand-storm had blown up, and it was quite dark and very disagreeable.
+I am sure he would have liked to be out of it, but he had his nerve and
+poise with him and went through to the bitter end.  We had started
+while this same sandstorm was still in action; not being able to see
+clearly, we ran into a flight of Nile freight boats, and in trying to
+avoid sinking one of them got on a rock and it punched a large hole in
+our steamer's bottom.  We sank almost immediately, but as our keel was
+near the river bed we had not far to go.  It took twelve hours to pump
+out the boat and patch the hole, during which time the Morgan
+_dahabiyeh_ came up, but finding we were not in danger, passed on.
+Later we went after them and took the lead, but lost it again in
+shallow water.
+
+[Illustration: TEMPLE OF LUXOR ON THE NILE.  "RAM" IS VERY MUCH IN
+EVIDENCE, BUT ONLY A SMALL PART OF HIS SCULPTURAL OUTPUT IS SEEN, AS
+THE STONE-CUTTERS' LIENS HAVE NOT YET BEEN SATISFIED]
+
+Next day we arrived at Cairo, and I found at Shepheard's an invitation
+for dinner from De Cosson Bey, who controls and manages all the great
+public utilities of Cairo.  He married a Philadelphia belle who had
+often visited at my house in New York, so we had a very pleasant
+evening, rehearsing the scenes and experiences of _auld long syne_.
+The evening was a social oasis in a strange land and quickly taught me
+how they live and what they do in Cairo.  My hostess spoke the language
+like a native and managed her Arabic _menage_ with skill, _a plomb_ and
+distinction.  I ate and drank many strange concoctions never previously
+included in any _menu_ I had ever had the pleasure of exhausting.  I
+did not dare to ask the names of the rare dishes, as I might not have
+liked them if I had--sometimes one had better not "know it all," or
+even a part of it.  To be thoroughly happy in a case like this it is
+best to leave minute details and even a general knowledge of such
+things to the inquisitive.  I had, however, sufficient curiosity to
+speculate on the dishes, and have made a tentative _menu_ of them,
+assuming the courses, from their color, flavor and general appearance,
+to be as follows:
+
+  --:--MENU--:--
+
+  NILE GREEN POINTS
+    A pearl in every oyster
+
+  GUM(BO) ARABIC PUREE
+    _Siccative_
+
+  CROCODILE HARD-BOILED EGGS
+    Sauce _a la_ Queen Hat-shep-set
+
+  BREAST OF THE ONE-LEGGED PINK STORK
+    Stuffed with Baby Sausages
+
+  BROILED SCARABS ON BUTTERED TOAST
+    Sauce _de la Pyramide_
+
+  BRIE _de_ BAGDAD
+    Foil cases, Crimean vintage '34
+
+  BENI-HASSAN DATES
+
+  ALLIGATOR PEARS
+
+  CAFE _a la_ BWANA TUMBO
+    From the Wady Halfa bean
+
+  Wine
+    SAMIAN FIZZ
+
+  Music
+    By the "FLOWER BUDS OF CAIRO"
+
+  Decorations
+    By the BEGUM MACCUDDYLEEKI, period of Akbar the Great
+
+
+The De Cossons lived in the suburbs, about two miles out on the road to
+the Pyramids, in a detached place without a street or a number, and
+quite hard to find when the sun had set.  My hostess had prepared an
+elaborate map in two colors, red and blue, showing where I was to go
+and what I was to do and say after crossing the great steel bridge that
+spans the Nile.  Armed with this formidable document, I went to the
+noble bandit who controls the carriage service in front of Shepheard's,
+and in a confidential whisper explained the map and the circumstances
+to him, at the same time slipping into his extended, yawning paw a wad
+of _bakshish_.  I stipulated that I must have a driver who understood
+at least some English.  He made a great show of grasping the
+intricacies of the map and the instructions that went with it, and
+presently, with a wild gleam in his eye, as if he had found a sure way
+to his "graft," he announced that he was ready and willing to take all
+responsibility.  He had an official, high-backed chair on the sidewalk
+and asked me to use it till he returned.  Then darting into the
+darkness, he quickly found a man (who looked like the First Murderer in
+_Macbeth_) on whom he could depend to rob me and divide the spoils with
+him.  Dressed in his flowing oriental robes as Cairo's most abandoned
+criminal, he shook me warmly by the hand and whispered, as I stepped
+into the carriage:
+
+"I have arranged everything."
+
+I had a sufficient glimmering of what was going on to meekly pipe to
+him:
+
+"Yes, I haven't the slightest doubt of it."
+
+We started out at a brisk pace which soon relaxed into a funereal jog,
+and went on and on through narrow, squalid streets till we reached the
+Nile.  Although I had given myself an extra hour for emergencies, I
+became impatient and asked him:
+
+"But where is the big bridge with the bronze sphinxes on it that we are
+to cross?"  He sadly wailed in reply:
+
+"Ah, sahib, it ees so hard to find eet in the dark!"
+
+In a burst of sarcastic anger, I shouted at him:
+
+"Well, get off and light a match, and maybe you'll hit it by accident!"
+Assuming with an innocent look that I had spoken seriously, he took me
+at my word, jumped off his perch, lit a match and peered all round him.
+Then I got "real" angry, and told him De Cosson Bey kept a professional
+torture chamber, and that I would have him ground to sausage meat if he
+trifled with me another moment.  Well knowing the impotence of my "hot
+air" blast, he simply smiled and took up his burthen of "finding" the
+bridge.  This he soon accomplished, as it was about as easy to find as
+a saloon in the "Great White Way."  The instructions accompanying the
+map stated that the Maison Antonion was on the left of the Pyramid Road
+after three crossroads had been passed.  I began to look out for and
+count the roads, so when we had crossed two and were approaching a
+third I halted the Jehu and said:
+
+"This is the third road; turn down here."
+
+"No, sahib, eet is de private entrance to Hunter Pasha's palace, an' he
+keep de mos' wicket dogs you ever see in awl yo' life."
+
+So on we went till I began to realize that the kidnapper was trying to
+take me out to the Pyramids for a late dinner with the Sphinx.  It was
+clear moonlight and I saw an English lady walking along the road.  I
+tried to have the driver stop, but he pretended that he did not
+understand me, so I jumped out and, profusely apologizing to the lady,
+explained my emergency.  She said:
+
+"Why, you are a mile past De Cosson Bey's place: there it is with the
+flagstaff on the tower."
+
+Then she had a heart-to-heart talk in Arabic with my friend and we
+returned briskly to the "third road."  I halted the procession for a
+settlement about fifty yards from the house, well knowing that trouble
+was coming in pyramids, and feeling that I did not wish to assault the
+ears of my hosts with the clash which was now inevitable and which
+would undoubtedly contain a large percentage of language that could
+hardly be called diplomatic.  He demanded about ten times the regular
+fare.  I protested, but he explained that after sunset all fares were
+double and charged by the hour, at that; and that when the Nile had
+been crossed the driver had the privilege of fixing the fare according
+to the circumstances.  This vested right, he claimed, had not been
+disputed since his ancestors had driven Napoleon out to the battle of
+the Pyramids a century ago.  I could not deny his statement as I had
+not been among those present, but I reduced the settlement to a
+compromise by threatening to spring on him the Hessian troops that De
+Cosson Bey retained for such occasions.  Then we drove up to the house
+as genially as if we had been long parted relatives, and I supposed we
+held the secrets of the passage of arms between ourselves.  But I was
+mistaken, for I noticed at dinner that my hosts smiled knowingly at
+each other as if they had some amusing thought in common.  When I could
+stand this no longer I asked what they were laughing at.
+
+"Why, at your stopping so near the house for the usual stormy, cab-fare
+settlement.  Wise visitors always settle out on the Pyramid Road, so
+they may regain their composure before alighting.  We threw up the
+windows and heard every word of the picturesque, verbal duel, and we
+came to the conclusion when the flag fell that the oriental had had his
+hands full throughout the entire entertainment."
+
+[Illustration: ANOTHER PART OF KARNAK; ONLY ONE MAN ON THE JOB, BUT HE
+IS QUITE EQUAL TO ALL ITS REQUIREMENTS AND EMERGENCIES]
+
+I left next day by train for Alexandria, and I remember it was
+thirty-five years ago that I started from that city for Port Said,
+whence I took a steamer for India, passing through the Suez Canal, then
+not long opened.  Time flies, but the canal is still there, at the old
+stand, doing a steady business with all the nations of the earth that
+go down to the sea in great ships as daily customers.  F. J. Haskin has
+written an interesting and graphic description of this great work,
+recently published in the New York _Globe_, in which he says:
+
+
+"On the great breakwater at Port Said stands the bronze statue of
+Ferdinand de Lesseps, his right hand extended in a gesture of
+invitation to the mariners of all nations to take their ships through
+the great canal which was the fruit of his genius and diplomacy.  Not
+one word is there to indicate that his fortune and good name lie buried
+in the failure of another canal, half way round the world.
+
+"The romance of the Suez Canal is suggested by everything the visitor
+sees at Port Said, the 'turnstile of the nations.'  But the tragedy of
+the canal, the terrible cost of life, the shameful waste of money, the
+enslavement of the Egyptians in governmental and financial bondage, the
+wreck of French hopes and aspirations--not one hint of all that tragedy
+is discernible.  Ferdinand de Lesseps, Ismail Pasha and the Egyptian
+people gave civilization and commerce one of its greatest gifts in the
+Suez Canal, but the cost to them was all they had--and they were never
+repaid.
+
+"Every day in the year a dozen great ships make the procession through
+the canal--the ninety miles of slow travelling which saves them the
+cost of circumnavigating the great continent of Africa.  They pay well
+for it, and the owners of the canal shares wax fat.  England controls
+the canal, the construction of which John Bull attempted in every
+manner to prevent.  English ships bound from "home" to Bombay cut down
+the distance from 10,860 miles to 4,620 miles by taking the canal
+route, and the vast majority of ships which pay tolls to the canal
+company fly the British flag.  Germany comes second, a long way after;
+Holland third, and the French, whose dreams of commercial empire cut
+the ditch, are fourth.  The United States has not been represented in
+the canal in a decade by any commercial ship--only vessels of the navy
+and yachts of the Yankee millionaires show the Stars and Stripes to the
+Bedouins of the desert who bring their caravans from Mt. Sinai to the
+canal."
+
+
+MOST IMPORTANT OF CANALS
+
+"The tonnage of the Suez is not one-third as great as that of the Sault
+Ste. Marie Canal in the Great Lakes, but its importance to the commerce
+of the world is greater than that of any other passageway of the seas.
+Wherever there is a strait or a narrow passage through which commerce
+may go, there is sure to be a British flag flying, a British band
+playing, and a red-coated Tommy Atkins strutting about with a swagger
+stick.  Suez is not an exception.
+
+"Fourteen centuries before Christ, nearly 3,500 years ago, the Pharaoh
+Setee I., father of Rameses the Great, cut a canal fifty-seven miles
+long from a branch of the Nile delta to the bitter lakes, which are now
+part of the Suez Canal and which were then the northern extremity of
+the Gulf of Suez.  That connected the Mediterranean with the Red Sea,
+and Egypt waxed great.  But the nation decayed, and the sands of the
+desert filled up the ditch.  Eight hundred years later the Pharaoh
+Necho undertook to dig the canal.  More than a hundred thousand lives
+were sacrificed to the project, but it was abandoned when a priest
+predicted that its completion would cause Egypt to fall into the hands
+of a foreign usurper.  A hundred years after Necho, the Persian Darius
+took up the work on the abandoned canal, but his engineers told him
+that its completion would cause a deluge, and he desisted.  About three
+hundred years before Christ was born, Ptolemy Philadelphus constructed
+a lock-and-dam canal through which ships made the journey from one of
+the mouths of the Nile to the site of modern Suez.  Continued wars
+interrupted commerce, and the locks and dams fell into decay, so that
+Cleopatra's navy was unable to escape to the Red Sea by canal.  The
+Roman engineers later patched up the canal so that their galleys made
+their way from sea to sea; but when the Arabs came in A.D. 700 they
+found it choked up.  Amrou, the Arab, cleared it out, but it was soon
+permitted to fill up again, and not until the great Napoleon reached
+Egypt was the canal project again considered.  Napoleon abandoned the
+idea only because his engineers assured him that the level of the
+Mediterranean was thirty feet below that of the Red Sea.  He then
+considered a lock-and-dam canal, but he evacuated Egypt before anything
+came of it.  Of course, all those ancient canals were very narrow and
+shallow, and no boat now dignified with the business of carrying cargo
+for profit could have entered any one of them."
+
+
+MEHEMET ALI WAS WARY
+
+"Mehemet Ali, the great pasha who founded the present Egyptian
+khedivate, was urged to attempt the canal project, but he was wary.  At
+last he pushed it aside, and listened to the Englishman, Robert
+Stephenson--the father of the railroad.  Under Stephenson's supervision
+he built a railroad from Cairo to Suez, connecting with the line from
+Cairo to Alexandria.  This formed the "great overland route" to India,
+and brought great trade and many rich tolls to the Egyptians.
+
+"The time came when Said Pasha ruled in Cairo.  To him came Ferdinand
+de Lesseps.  Years before, while a clerk in the French consulate
+general in Cairo, De Lesseps dreamed the dream of the great canal.  He
+was not an engineer, but he was a master diplomatist.  He unfolded his
+plans to Said, who loved France and all Frenchmen, and met with
+encouragement.  It was a magnificent scheme.  The canal was not to cost
+Egypt one cent, but was to pay fifteen per cent. of its receipts to the
+Egyptian government, and at the expiration of ninety-nine years was to
+become the absolute property of Egypt.  On such terms the concession
+was given to De Lesseps in 1856.
+
+"Then De Lesseps went forth to get the money.  France had just come out
+of the Crimean War and could not advance money for ventures.  England
+was opposed to a canal that would let anybody have a chance at India,
+and the English government did everything possible to prevent the
+Frenchman from obtaining funds.  He failed in Europe, for he could not
+get enough even for a survey of the canal.  Nothing daunted, he went
+back to Egypt and borrowed money enough from Said to survey the canal
+and to exploit it through Europe.  Then came much planning and more
+concessions, and much stock jobbing; but by 1860 the French company was
+again without money.  Again the appeal was made to Said, and not
+without avail; for he subscribed for more than one-third or the total
+capital stock and promised to advance money for the construction
+work--and all for a project that was not to cost Egypt anything.  That
+was the beginning of Egypt's bondage to the money lenders of Europe,
+for Said had to borrow the money he gave to the canal."
+
+
+ISMAIL PASHA WAS EASY
+
+"In 1863 the magnificently extravagant Ismail Pasha came to the throne
+of Mehemet Ali.  He burned with ambition to make himself the greatest
+ruler in the world, and the canal was a darling of his heart.  He was
+the ready and willing victim of the loan sharks of Europe, and he would
+sign anything in the way of an obligation if there was a little yellow
+gold in sight.
+
+"Meanwhile the canal was progressing slowly.  Ismail ordered the
+Egyptian peasants to do the work under the ancient _corvee_ system.
+Every three months 25,000 drafted fellaheen went to the big ditch to
+dig.  Every three months a miserable remnant of the preceding 25,000
+left the dead bodies of their comrades beneath the dump heaps.
+
+"The Suez Canal was dug for the most part by those poor creatures who
+scooped up the sand and dirt with their bare hands and carried it up
+the steep banks to the dumps in palm-leaf baskets of their own making.
+Task masters with cruel whips of hippopotamus hide punished the sick
+and the fainting, as well as the lazy.  There were no sanitary
+precautions, and the men died by the thousands.
+
+"This horrible condition of affairs aroused the indignation of John
+Bull, who protested to the sultan.  The sultan ordered the employment
+of fellaheen labor to be stopped.  Then De Lesseps and the canal ring
+descended upon Ismail and held him responsible for damages.  The case
+was left to the arbitration of Napoleon III., who decided for the canal
+ring, and Ismail was forced to pay a fine of nearly $10,000,000 because
+his titular sovereign lord had ordered that Ismail's subjects should
+not be murdered in the canal ditch.  Each month a new obligation was
+fastened upon suffering Egypt.  Finally, when the canal was completed,
+Ismail gave a great fete to celebrate its opening.  Few festivals have
+been so magnificent, none so extravagant.  The celebration cost
+$21,000,000.  Verdi wrote the opera _Aida_ to order that Ismail might
+give a box party one evening, and an opera house was built especially
+for that purpose."
+
+
+ENGLAND IN CONTROL
+
+"But Ismail had signed too many notes of hand.  The day of reckoning
+came.  Ismail sold his canal shares to the English government, and by
+their purchase Benjamin Disraeli gave the British empire dominion over
+the traffic between the East and the West.  It was a bold stroke, and
+it brought to an end the commercial aspirations of the French of the
+Second Empire.  The canal company still has its chief offices in Paris,
+its clerks speak French, and its tolls are charged in francs, but
+otherwise it is English.
+
+"Ismail was dethroned and died in exile, his magnificence forgotten.
+De Lesseps ventured on another canal project, was plunged into
+disgrace, and died a mental wreck.  Egypt, which once levied toll on
+all the commerce passing between Orient and Occident, now watches the
+trade ships pass by.  The digging of the canal was the greatest blow
+ever given to Egyptian commerce.  But the losses of Ismail and De
+Lesseps and Egypt make up the gain of the civilized world.
+
+"Opened just forty years ago, its importance has increased with every
+year, and its revenues are expanding each month.  It cost $100,000,000,
+half of which was spent in bribes and excessive discounts.  With modern
+machinery, such as is being used at Panama, it could have been built
+for one-quarter as much.  As an engineering problem it is to the Panama
+Canal as a boy's toy block house to a forty-story skyscraper.  How it
+will compare with Panama as an avenue of commerce is a question to
+which Americans anxiously await the answer."
+
+
+The jubilee of the Suez Canal, work on which commenced in 1859, took
+place on April 25, 1909.  When I passed through in 1874 its depth was
+about twenty-six feet; the present depth is about thirty-two and a half
+feet, and improvements are now going on which will bring it to
+thirty-four feet.  The original width was seventy-one feet on the
+bottom, and this has been gradually increased until at present the
+bottom width is ninety-seven and a half feet.  In 1870 there passed
+through the canal four hundred and eighty-six ships, whose gross
+tonnage was 654,914.  Last year 3,795 ships used the canal, and their
+total tonnage was over 19,000,000.  Truly this is one of the world's
+greatest conveniences!
+
+[Illustration: PILLARS OF THOTHMES III., KARNAK, EGYPT, WITH TWO YOUNG
+MEN ON THE LOOKOUT FOR BUSINESS.  THEY ARE BOTH WORTHY OF EVERY
+ENCOURAGEMENT]
+
+These reminiscences take me back again to Alexandria, as it was there
+that an original seaboard bank was founded.  Its first president was
+Katchaskatchkan, a nephew of King Ram's.  The old man saw to it that
+all the "squeeze" from the corn crop money was deposited here and that
+it held the margins on Joseph's grain corner.  "Katch" broke his neck
+by falling into the wheat pit, but the incident was soon forgotten in
+the advancing prosperity of the bank.  The place is in ruins, but we
+saw the "paying teller's gun," which was a decorated club with spikes
+on it; it lay unnoticed in a nook in the big amalgamated copper vault,
+covered with papyrus books and records of the bank.  Some of the old
+past due notes on the shelves were still drawing interest and you could
+hear it tick like the clanking cogs when a ferry boat makes her
+landing.  The writer fairly shudders at what the interest on those
+notes would now amount to, computed at five per cent. (the prevailing
+rate paid for call loans in that historic corner), remembering that the
+interest on a penny compounded at this rate since the dawn of the
+Christian era would now represent fourteen millions of globes of
+eighteen-karat gold, each globe the size of our earth!  We could not
+help philosophizing on the change which had taken place in banking
+principles and methods since those old days; and the whole inspection
+was very interesting.
+
+[Illustration: OBELISK OF THOTHMES I AND QUEEN HAPSHEPSET XVIII
+DYNASTY.  TWO FINE OBELISKS IN THE TEMPLE OF KARNAK--A LITTLE
+TOPSY-TURVY LOOKING AND VERY MUCH IN NEED OF REPAIRS]
+
+I am reluctant to leave Egypt without saying a word about the "teep,"
+as this land is the very home, the embodiment--the Gibraltar, so to
+speak, of the wide-open palm for services rendered--or even when they
+are not rendered.  Egypt is not the only place, however, of which this
+can be said; there are others.  But no matter where the dear American
+tourist lands he "gets it" both coming and going, and the "neck" is
+usually the place where it first attracts his attention.  It is not a
+new thing, by any means, for the Greeks suffered more from it than we
+ever have.  They called it "gifts," and if a man didn't give, why, he
+got nothing, just as he gets nothing to-day in "Del's" if he tries to
+escape with a glad smile instead of the regulation tariff.  Usually, as
+we all know, the rough time is at the reckoning and the departure, if
+you haven't done the handsome.  The waiter, if he knows his business,
+makes you feel your cheapness if you attempt to "do" him with an
+affable "Good-night," instead of the real thing.  The change is so
+arranged for you that you may have a wide choice of coins, but if that
+scheme misses fire, there are still left the overcoat and the hat.  The
+man who can pass through these ordeals with his nerve unfrayed and look
+through the waiter as if he were a pane of glass, would never have
+turned a hair if placed in front at the charge of Balaclava.  I
+remember writing a _menu_ card for a dinner once, and when I came to
+the sweetbread course it was shown that if you hadn't a coin you must
+still do something.  Lucullus was waiting on the bank of the river Styx
+for his turn on Charon's ferryboat, and of course, being a shade, he
+had no money in his clothes; but this is what was said:
+
+  When Lucullus got on Charon's skiff
+    He didn't have a cent;
+  So he handed out a sweetbread
+    And on the boat he went.
+
+
+This was as straight a tip as was ever given to a waiter or at a
+horse-race.  There was nothing between Lucullus and the "bread line"
+except his last sweetbread; yet as a gentleman he gave it up to the
+ferryman rather than lose his poise when leaving the earth.
+
+But to return to the twentieth century, about four thousand years since
+the incident just related occurred: we have a variety of names for the
+same thing.  It is _pour boire_ in France; _tip_ in England; _macaroni_
+"for the crew" in Italy; _sugar-cane_ "for the donkey" on the Nile;
+_bakshish_ in Africa; "_bakshish_" the first word the traveler hears
+when he gets there, "_bakshish_" the last when he is leaving.  Why,
+they say the Sphinx herself tears her hair and plaintively wails when
+the sun has set, "_Bakshish!  Bakshish!!  Bakshish!!!_"  And the only
+reason she does not hold out her hands for it is that she hasn't any.
+
+[Illustration: THIS IS WHERE "RAM" FELL DOWN AND HAS NEVER SINCE BEEN
+"LIFTED."  IT TAKES _PIASTRES_ TO PUT SUCH A BIG MAN ON HIS FEET.
+STONY MACADAM, PRESIDENT OF THE BAKSHISH TRUST & TIPPING COMPANY, WITH
+HIS CASHIER AND ENTIRE BOARD OF DIRECTORS IN ATTENDANCE.  IT'S A TOUGH
+PROBLEM "STONY" CAN'T SOLVE IF THERE'S MONEY BEHIND IT]
+
+Sailing from Alexandria we headed for the Straits of Messina and
+reached them the day following, taking a passing look at Etna and
+Stromboli.  Messina was not so badly damaged, we thought, as had been
+reported, and it will undoubtedly be rebuilt.  Then we steamed past
+Capri and made fast to the wharf at Naples.
+
+
+
+ITALY
+
+NAPLES
+
+After strolling round Naples for a couple of days we took the train for
+Rome.
+
+On one of these strolls I saw what seemed to me a curious funeral.  There
+were six horses with nodding plumes, hung with black robes, and driven in
+three spans by a coachman who was a wonder in himself.  He wore a hat
+with an enormous yellow cockade; a purple coat; patent leather Hessian
+boots, with tassels; green tights showing the shape of his fine calves
+(of which he was evidently very proud), and on his whip he carried many
+silk ribbon bows.  "Beau Brummel" might have had a coachman like him--but
+I doubt it.  Through a pane of glass might have been seen, thoroughly
+ornamented and painted for public inspection, the face of the principal
+whom these proceedings interested no more.  The hearse sported a forest
+of plumes also, and behind it stalked six stalwart, high-class,
+professional mourners, likewise in green tights and Tower-of-London hats,
+all members of the Pallbearers' International Union (purple card), with
+flowing beards and curling moustaches--probably the only men on earth
+whom money causes to weep and pluck their beards in pretended sorrow when
+in the throes of their commercial emotion.  If paid enough money they do
+not hesitate to use the onion freely to produce the real thing in tears.
+Next followed a dozen of mere puling mutes, of no caste or distinction
+whatever but that lent by a big brass badge on the breast of each.  Then
+came four rickety carriages of the Columbus era; they hadn't a soul in
+them, but their cloth upholstered seats had been whitewashed with white
+lead and showed by many cracks the risk any live human would take in
+entering the vehicles.  There were no relatives of the dead present--and
+you could not blame them.  The question arose, What is the meaning of it
+all?  It seemed as though they had consigned the man to the grave at the
+least expense with no bother--a curious form of burial from our
+standpoint; it was strictly professional.
+
+
+ROME
+
+Rome has been so thoroughly exploited that perhaps the writing of a
+layman on the subject would not interest the reader, so I shall not
+attempt to go into details, for they would fill a very large book.  Since
+I last visited it the city had grown to be large, clean and prosperous,
+under the careful and serious management of the king, whose business in
+life seems to be the welfare of his people and the advancement of their
+best interests.  I met him and the queen at the Arch of Constantine; he
+saluted, as he does to every one he meets when walking alone in the
+suburbs of the city.
+
+The three things that I remembered with the greatest interest on leaving
+Rome--and I still admire them most of all--were Caracalla's Baths, the
+Coliseum and the Forum.  Perhaps no purely secular work of man has ever
+approached the Baths of Caracalla in sumptuous, artistic magnificence and
+splendor.  They were more than a mile long and a little less than that in
+width.  They consisted of three vast baths, marble lined, with rare
+mosaic floors: one for cold water, one for tepid and a third for hot
+water.  There were dressing rooms, refectories, lounging gardens, schools
+of art, a court for athletes, another court for gladiators.  Highly
+carved marble columns supported the roofs and the rarest statues stood in
+niches.  The bathing capacity was the largest ever planned.  To sit there
+alone and people it, as when it was at its best, with all the glory of
+the emperor, the court ladies, the vestal virgins, senators, warriors,
+artists, men of letters and the rest, is a treat to the imagination that
+cannot be realized on any other spot.
+
+[Illustration: THE ARCH OF CONSTANTINE, ROME--ONE OF THE FINEST EXTANT.
+THE EMPEROR THOUGHT IT ALL OUT AND PLANNED IT TO ASTONISH POSTERITY, AND
+INCIDENTALLY TO RECORD HIS OWN GREATNESS]
+
+The Coliseum is the largest amphitheatre ever built: it is more than a
+third of a mile in circumference; it had seats for fifty thousand and
+standing room for thousands more.  The arena was two hundred and
+seventy-three by one hundred and twenty feet.  Beneath it were the dens
+for lions, tigers, bears and bulls, with rooms for the gladiators and the
+human victims.  It was opened by Titus with a festival lasting over three
+months in 80 A.D., and five thousand wild animals were killed during the
+festivities.  It was the place where the Christian martyrs met their
+deaths under the persecuting emperors.  The imagination runs riot while
+trying to picture the tragic scenes that took place within its walls in
+the presence of multitudes.  It had a "bad eminence" all its own.
+
+The Forum was in the early days the very heart of Rome, and all that was
+great in it.  It contained over sixty temples, public buildings, tombs,
+triumphal arches, columns and great statues.  Here Cicero and other
+orators spoke to the people, and famous teachers made it their resort;
+its name represented the thought and refinement of the age of which it
+was the glory.
+
+When I was in Rome I happened to be domiciled in a bedroom that had a
+connecting door with another room of the same size.  This door was of
+course locked, the other room being occupied by an Italian.  We had to
+make a flying start for Naples at 5 A.M., and I got up at 4, in order to
+shave, dress and breakfast in time to catch the train.  I opened the
+proceedings by starting to strop my razor on a big leather strop; the
+door being quite flimsy, my Italian neighbor heard me distinctly, and as
+he was trying to fall asleep he became very angry, jumped out of bed and
+protested in loud and profane language.  I paid no attention to his
+protest and then he rang his bell long and violently.  As I wanted to
+make a respectable appearance at breakfast, I kept on stropping
+diligently.  This added to his indignation, and when the chambermaid
+entered his den in response to the bell, he ordered her to go into my
+room and stop the noise.  She rushed toward me and intimated that the
+gentleman was at the point of death--that he might die at any moment from
+heart disease, unless he were permitted to sleep.  I felt that a guest
+had a right to shave in his own room, therefore I did not desist.  My
+irate neighbor then jumped out of bed and in his _pajamas_ ran downstairs
+and brought up the manager, the cashier, the porter and a hall-boy.  When
+I opened my door the deputation implored me to cease stropping and start
+shaving at once, and thus restore peace to the strained situation.  I
+explained that I was hurrying to the train and that this would be the
+last of me; at which the Count rushed forward and grasping my hand,
+exclaimed:
+
+"Pardon, signor! shave all you like and do it now, but don't, for
+heaven's sake, miss the train on any account, for if you commence that
+horrible slapping again I shall make my way to the nearest mad house!"
+
+When the cause of the disturbance had ceased, he soon fell asleep, and
+when I began to lather my face he was artistically playing a "_fluto_"
+obligate with his nose.  At this I began to knock on the door, and he at
+once called out:
+
+"What now?  What you want?"
+
+"I want you to stop snoring or I'll alarm the house and have you
+expelled."
+
+"Ah, you get even with me, you do!  I catch the leetle joke.  What will
+you haf to drink, signor? the wine is on me."
+
+We left Rome and went by train to--
+
+
+POMPEII
+
+On a former visit to Pompeii I thought it a grand place, but after all,
+when the traveller has seen the best, it is ordinary and commonplace.  It
+was a town of only about 30,000 people and almost all of them escaped, so
+no particular distinction belongs to it in any respect.
+
+We continued on to Naples, and on the following morning took a local
+steamer for Sorrento.  We had a look at Vesuvius, which was quiet and
+somewhat depressed--as it had lost six hundred feet of its cone at the
+last eruption.
+
+
+SORRENTO
+
+Landing at Sorrento we took a thirty-mile carriage drive along the
+precipitous coast, resting and lunching in a convent at Amalfi, perched
+high up on the hillside whither we had to climb.  Then another drive to
+the train, which landed us back in Naples in the early hours of the
+morning.
+
+
+MONTE CARLO
+
+Again we embarked on the _Cork_, and landed at Villefranche.  Next day we
+drove through Nice and on to Monte Carlo, where we witnessed the motor
+boat races.  After dining at the _Hotel de l'Hermitage_, we visited the
+temple of chance with its twenty-five tables, devoted to a variety of
+games.  It was all a distinct disappointment.  The much vaunted
+decorations on the walls of the rooms were polychromatic but
+uninteresting--attempts at classic decoration such as an Italian
+sign-painter could easily equal when working for his board.  The building
+itself was overdone in elaboration, and represented French architecture
+in the era when it had "broken loose."  The grounds, however, were fine
+and the flower display the finest to be found anywhere.  The players, men
+and women, were a debased crowd, of all nationalities.  Sordid greed had
+eaten into their faces and there was no delight for them in anything
+except in grabbing the gold the turn of the wheel gave them--and it
+didn't give them much in return for what they staked.  The games are
+"square."  There is no cheating other than the well understood
+"percentage" in favor of the bank, but they are played so quickly that
+the player's capital is turned over thousands of times in a week, and as
+each turn means on the average a loss to him of the "percentage," the
+money does not last long.  Some gamblers plunge for large sums for a
+short time, and are lucky enough to "break the bank at Monte Carlo;" but
+they return and give it all back to the prince with interest.  All he
+asks of them is that they shall keep on playing at his game.  The visitor
+wonders most at the dexterity with which the money of all varieties is
+raked, tossed and flung about the board by the croupiers, with apparently
+the utmost recklessness and without mistakes.  They have spent their
+lives at it and know it the way Paderewski knows his keyboard.  Three men
+are employed at each table to follow all the betting, and they watch like
+hawks every one playing.  So perfectly is the whole thing done that never
+a word is spoken; it's all action--simply the placing of the coin on the
+spot.  Most of the players have systems they follow, and prick their
+cards at each play.  Hundreds of others who have no money follow their
+systems, just to see whether they would have won if they had had anything
+to risk.
+
+[Illustration: THE FORUM, ROME'S GREATEST HISTORICAL CLUB, WHERE EVERY
+MAN HAD A HEARING IF HE HAD ANYTHING TO SAY.  SOME GREAT THINGS WERE SAID
+THERE AND THOUGHTS COINED WHICH ARE PASSING CURRENT AS OUR OWN TO-DAY]
+
+We had a charming, moonlight drive back to Villefranche along the shores
+of the Mediterranean, where the _Cork_ lay awaiting us, and when all were
+aboard we steamed out through the Straits of Gibraltar to Liverpool.
+
+
+LIVERPOOL
+
+It was a general holiday at the time in that city, and I lounged about
+the streets, looking at the crowds of people.  The "Pembroke Social
+Reform League" was holding a mass meeting at the foot of Wellington's
+monument in St. George's Square to protest against the Government's
+building eight _Dreadnaughts_ at a cost of 14,000,000 pounds.  The crowd
+was all composed of working men and was most orderly; the speakers were
+clever and moderate in their attitude.  I became interested, and edged up
+to the foot of the steps in order to hear what was said.  The meeting had
+lasted about an hour, when one speaker in finishing, remarked:
+
+"I see an American here: will not the gentleman step up and tell us how
+America feels about these things?"
+
+I was immediately threatened with heart disease and protested, but before
+I knew what I was about a couple of them had pulled me up on the steps
+and I was really "up against it," so I had to say something or beat an
+ignominious retreat.  I have always been in full sympathy with
+disarmament and the reduction of naval fleets, so I told them I had just
+returned from Spain, Italy and Turkey, and had there seen the armies
+drilling and the idle navies anchored in the ports, for the most part at
+the expense of the poor people, many of whom had neither food nor decent
+clothing.  At this point a young man called out:
+
+"We are Englishmen--we want no Yankees here!"
+
+I replied:
+
+"Young man, you have made a bad start: I was born less than three hundred
+miles from where I stand, and I visited this square many times before you
+were born."
+
+This statement was received with applause and I was allowed to finish
+what little I had to say in peace.  The meeting adjourned after
+unanimously passing a resolution protesting against the _Dreadnaughts_.
+Meetings of this character were held continuously all day.
+
+[Illustration: THE BATHS OF CARACALLA, ROME, WHERE THE ROMANS HAD THE
+BEST TIMES OF THEIR LIVES AND WERE ALWAYS IN THE PICTURE WHILE IT LASTED]
+
+Then we took a new steamer to New York, and the cruise of the _Cork_ was
+a thing of the past.
+
+Retrospectively I might add that we suffered from a kind of artistic and
+historical dyspepsia, brought about by our inability to digest the
+immensity of the things we had seen and their variety.  After leaving
+Madeira the stopping places came so fast that our sightseeing was indeed
+hard work, each new place blotting out the one that had preceded it.
+Undoubtedly we would after a while remember the scenes and places
+visited, and we would surely do so if we read the standard writers on
+these subjects.
+
+Of the management it may be said that it had a Herculean task to perform,
+and its work was well done.  If the amount of detail it had to face and
+arrange had been placed in less skilful hands or neglected, it would have
+been fatal to our comfort and progress.
+
+My companions were on the whole a bright, alert and sympathetic company.
+Here and there, of course, there was some friction; human nature, under
+the strain put upon it by the length of the cruise and the number of
+people, could not be expected by the most exacting critic to behave
+better.  The unimportant differences of opinion and misunderstandings
+that arose under trying circumstances will fade with the years as they
+fly by, and leave only bright, pleasant, interesting memories of all the
+wonderful things it was our privilege to see on this remarkable trip.
+
+I offer a humble apology for the slang I have used in these pages, but it
+has seemed almost impossible to describe the scenes in connection with
+Jerusalem and Cairo without it--in fact, I couldn't help it!
+
+I regret exceedingly that the anonymous character of this little effort
+will not permit me to mention the names of many men and women who, by
+their good-fellowship, sincerity and helpfulness, assisted one another to
+pass the time and make things "go," when sometimes the going was far from
+good.
+
+If in any of these lines I have given offence I hope to be pardoned, as
+none is intended.  Every one knows that a succession of compliments and
+eulogies makes uninteresting reading, therefore I feel sure of being
+thoroughly understood; and further, I should like to add that I believe
+the formula, "I move we adjourn," will be appreciated by the patient and,
+I hope, forgiving reader.  At this stage of the proceedings the aeroplane
+must be lowered to kiss the dew and so glide into its hangar, regrets
+being current that we had not the pleasure of Messrs. Cook and Peary's
+company as passengers.
+
+THE AUTHOR.
+
+
+
+
+THE END
+
+
+
+
+
+End of Project Gutenberg's A Fantasy of Mediterranean Travel, by S. G. Bayne
+
+*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A FANTASY OF MEDITERRANEAN TRAVEL ***
+
+***** This file should be named 22115.txt or 22115.zip *****
+This and all associated files of various formats will be found in:
+        https://www.gutenberg.org/2/2/1/1/22115/
+
+Produced by Al Haines
+
+Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions
+will be renamed.
+
+Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no
+one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation
+(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without
+permission and without paying copyright royalties.  Special rules,
+set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to
+copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to
+protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark.  Project
+Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you
+charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission.  If you
+do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the
+rules is very easy.  You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose
+such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and
+research.  They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do
+practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks.  Redistribution is
+subject to the trademark license, especially commercial
+redistribution.
+
+
+
+*** START: FULL LICENSE ***
+
+THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE
+PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK
+
+To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free
+distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work
+(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project
+Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project
+Gutenberg-tm License (available with this file or online at
+https://gutenberg.org/license).
+
+
+Section 1.  General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic works
+
+1.A.  By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to
+and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property
+(trademark/copyright) agreement.  If you do not agree to abide by all
+the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy
+all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession.
+If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the
+terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or
+entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8.
+
+1.B.  "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark.  It may only be
+used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who
+agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement.  There are a few
+things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works
+even without complying with the full terms of this agreement.  See
+paragraph 1.C below.  There are a lot of things you can do with Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement
+and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works.  See paragraph 1.E below.
+
+1.C.  The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation"
+or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic works.  Nearly all the individual works in the
+collection are in the public domain in the United States.  If an
+individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are
+located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from
+copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative
+works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg
+are removed.  Of course, we hope that you will support the Project
+Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by
+freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of
+this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with
+the work.  You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by
+keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project
+Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others.
+
+1.D.  The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern
+what you can do with this work.  Copyright laws in most countries are in
+a constant state of change.  If you are outside the United States, check
+the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement
+before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or
+creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project
+Gutenberg-tm work.  The Foundation makes no representations concerning
+the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United
+States.
+
+1.E.  Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg:
+
+1.E.1.  The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate
+access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently
+whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the
+phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project
+Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed,
+copied or distributed:
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+1.E.2.  If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived
+from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is
+posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied
+and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees
+or charges.  If you are redistributing or providing access to a work
+with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the
+work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1
+through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the
+Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or
+1.E.9.
+
+1.E.3.  If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted
+with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution
+must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional
+terms imposed by the copyright holder.  Additional terms will be linked
+to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the
+permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work.
+
+1.E.4.  Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this
+work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm.
+
+1.E.5.  Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this
+electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without
+prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with
+active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project
+Gutenberg-tm License.
+
+1.E.6.  You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary,
+compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any
+word processing or hypertext form.  However, if you provide access to or
+distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than
+"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version
+posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org),
+you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a
+copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon
+request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other
+form.  Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1.
+
+1.E.7.  Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying,
+performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works
+unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.
+
+1.E.8.  You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing
+access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided
+that
+
+- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from
+     the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method
+     you already use to calculate your applicable taxes.  The fee is
+     owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he
+     has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the
+     Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation.  Royalty payments
+     must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you
+     prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax
+     returns.  Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and
+     sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the
+     address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to
+     the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation."
+
+- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies
+     you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he
+     does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+     License.  You must require such a user to return or
+     destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium
+     and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of
+     Project Gutenberg-tm works.
+
+- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any
+     money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the
+     electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days
+     of receipt of the work.
+
+- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free
+     distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works.
+
+1.E.9.  If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set
+forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from
+both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael
+Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark.  Contact the
+Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below.
+
+1.F.
+
+1.F.1.  Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable
+effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread
+public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm
+collection.  Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain
+"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or
+corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual
+property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a
+computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by
+your equipment.
+
+1.F.2.  LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right
+of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project
+Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project
+Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all
+liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal
+fees.  YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT
+LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE
+PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH F3.  YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE
+TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE
+LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR
+INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH
+DAMAGE.
+
+1.F.3.  LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a
+defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can
+receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a
+written explanation to the person you received the work from.  If you
+received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with
+your written explanation.  The person or entity that provided you with
+the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a
+refund.  If you received the work electronically, the person or entity
+providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to
+receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund.  If the second copy
+is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further
+opportunities to fix the problem.
+
+1.F.4.  Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth
+in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS' WITH NO OTHER
+WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO
+WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE.
+
+1.F.5.  Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied
+warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages.
+If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the
+law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be
+interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by
+the applicable state law.  The invalidity or unenforceability of any
+provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions.
+
+1.F.6.  INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the
+trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone
+providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance
+with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production,
+promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works,
+harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees,
+that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do
+or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm
+work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any
+Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause.
+
+
+Section  2.  Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of
+electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers
+including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers.  It exists
+because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from
+people in all walks of life.
+
+Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the
+assistance they need, is critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's
+goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will
+remain freely available for generations to come.  In 2001, the Project
+Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure
+and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations.
+To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation
+and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4
+and the Foundation web page at https://www.pglaf.org.
+
+
+Section 3.  Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive
+Foundation
+
+The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit
+501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the
+state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal
+Revenue Service.  The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification
+number is 64-6221541.  Its 501(c)(3) letter is posted at
+https://pglaf.org/fundraising.  Contributions to the Project Gutenberg
+Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent
+permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws.
+
+The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S.
+Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered
+throughout numerous locations.  Its business office is located at
+809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887, email
+business@pglaf.org.  Email contact links and up to date contact
+information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official
+page at https://pglaf.org
+
+For additional contact information:
+     Dr. Gregory B. Newby
+     Chief Executive and Director
+     gbnewby@pglaf.org
+
+
+Section 4.  Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg
+Literary Archive Foundation
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide
+spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of
+increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be
+freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest
+array of equipment including outdated equipment.  Many small donations
+($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt
+status with the IRS.
+
+The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating
+charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United
+States.  Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a
+considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up
+with these requirements.  We do not solicit donations in locations
+where we have not received written confirmation of compliance.  To
+SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any
+particular state visit https://pglaf.org
+
+While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we
+have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition
+against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who
+approach us with offers to donate.
+
+International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make
+any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from
+outside the United States.  U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff.
+
+Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation
+methods and addresses.  Donations are accepted in a number of other
+ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations.
+To donate, please visit: https://pglaf.org/donate
+
+
+Section 5.  General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works.
+
+Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm
+concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared
+with anyone.  For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project
+Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support.
+
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed
+editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S.
+unless a copyright notice is included.  Thus, we do not necessarily
+keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition.
+
+
+Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility:
+
+     https://www.gutenberg.org
+
+This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm,
+including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary
+Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to
+subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks.