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diff --git a/22115.txt b/22115.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b547e48 --- /dev/null +++ b/22115.txt @@ -0,0 +1,4010 @@ +Project Gutenberg's A Fantasy of Mediterranean Travel, by S. G. Bayne + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: A Fantasy of Mediterranean Travel + +Author: S. G. Bayne + +Release Date: July 22, 2007 [EBook #22115] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A FANTASY OF MEDITERRANEAN TRAVEL *** + + + + +Produced by Al Haines + + + + + + + + + + +[Illustration: Cover Art] + + + + + + +[Frontispiece: S. G. Bayne] + + + + + + +A FANTASY OF + +MEDITERRANEAN TRAVEL + + +BY + +S. G. BAYNE + + + +AUTHOR OF + + "QUICKSTEPS THROUGH SCANDINAVIA" + "ON AN IRISH JAUNTING-CAR" ETC. + + + +ILLUSTRATED + + + +HARPER & BROTHERS PUBLISHERS + +NEW YORK AND LONDON + +MCMIX + + + + +Copyright, 1909, by HARPER & BROTHERS. + +_All rights reserved_. + +Published October, 1909. + + + + +PLACES VISITED ON THIS CRUISE + +AND DESCRIBED + +WITH PERSONAL EXPERIENCES + + + MADEIRA + SPAIN + CADIZ + SEVILLE + ALHAMBRA + ALGIERS + MALTA + GREECE + TURKEY + CONSTANTINOPLE + ASIA MINOR + SMYRNA + HOLY LAND + JERUSALEM + RIVER JORDAN + JERICHO + DEAD SEA + EGYPT + CAIRO + THE NILE + MESSINA + NAPLES + POMPEII + ROME + VILLEFRANCHE + NICE + MONTE CARLO + ENGLAND + + + + +ILLUSTRATIONS + + +THE AUTHOR . . . . . . . . . . . . _Frontispiece_ + +FUNCHAL, THE LONG BRANCH OF MADEIRA; NICE BALMY PLACE + FOR A REST AFTER A PANIC. STEAMER LEAVES LONDON + TWICE A WEEK. HOTEL ACCOMMODATIONS BY CABLE + +THE PARTHENON, ATHENS, GREECE--THE MOST IMPRESSIVE RUIN + IN EXISTENCE + +THE HISTORICAL PART OF ATHENS, GREECE--PANORAMA OF THE + GREAT RUINED GROUPS + +CONSTANTINOPLE AND THE GOLDEN HORN CROSSED BY THE GALATA + BRIDGE, WITH STAMBOUL IN THE FOREGROUND. THE YOUNG + TURKS PRESENTED THIS AS THE FIRST SNAP OF THEIR + OFFICIAL CAMERA. LATER THEY "DEDICATED" THE BRIDGE + BY HANGING THE FIRST BATCH OF MURDERERS ON IT + +THESE SANDOWS OF STAMBOUL ARE CONSIDERED A HUSKY TRIO, + EVEN IN THIS CITY OF STRONG MEN. IF THESE KEGS ARE + FILLED WITH SOUR MASH THEY'RE A MENACE TO THE WHISKEY + TRUST AND OUGHT TO BE TAXED ACCORDINGLY + +THE ABDICATION OF THE SULTAN, ABDUL HAMID II.--HIS LAST + RIDE THROUGH THE STREETS OF CONSTANTINOPLE + +MEHEMET V., THE NEW SULTAN, AFTER THE INVESTITURE, + LEAVING THE MOSQUE + +HANGING THREE LEADERS OF THE ARMENIAN MASSACRE ON THE + GALATA BRIDGE, CONSTANTINOPLE, MAY 3, 1909 + +"THE MOOSKI," CAIRO. THERE ARE MILES OF STREETS IN THIS + ARTISTIC MARKET WHERE RUGS, TAPESTRIES, LACES, AND + ORIENTAL _BRIC-A-BRAC_ MAY BE SECURED BY THE ANXIOUS + AT AN ALARMING SACRIFICE. EVERY MINUTE IS A BARGAIN DAY + +SAMPLES Of CONSTANTINOPLE'S BRAND OF "WHITE WINGS." IT'S + A SIGHT FOR GODS AND MEN TO SEE THESE JOLLY DOGS GOBBLE + THE TURKISH TIDBITS AFTER THE SUN HAS SET + +A CROWD AT THE CHURCH OF THE HOLY SEPULCHRE, JERUSALEM, + WAITING FOR THE DOORS TO OPEN. EACH TRIBE IS IMPATIENT + TO ENTER AND OCCUPY ITS OWN SPACE + +THIS IS QUEEN HATSHEPSET'S DE-AL-BAHARA TEMPLE AT THEBES, + ORNAMENTED WITH FINE GOLD. THE ORIGINAL METHODS BY + WHICH "HATTY" SWIPED THE MONEY TO BUILD THIS TEMPLE + LEAVE WALL STREET TIED TO THE HITCHING POST AT THE + SUB-TREASURY STEPS + +OUR HOSPITABLE HOST AND HOSTESS IN THEIR SALON WHERE + THEY ENTERTAINED US AT JERUSALEM + +THE MOSQUE OF OMAR, JERUSALEM--"THE FINEST BUILDING + IN THE EAST." THE TURKS AND MOHAMMEDANS WASH THEIR + FEET IN THE DRINKING FOUNTAINS HERE, BUT THAT, OF + COURSE, IS A MERE DETAIL. IT CLEARLY SHOWS, HOWEVER, + THE COURAGEOUS FREEDOM AND _SANS SOUCI_ OF THE PEOPLE + +THE WAILING PLACE, JERUSALEM. THE LESS SAID ABOUT THIS, + THE BETTER + +THE DEAD SEA WITH THE LONE FISHERMAN IN FRONT. HE HAS + JUST HEARD THAT THE FISH ARE NOT BITING AND IS SOMEWHAT + DEPRESSED IN CONSEQUENCE + +RIVER JORDAN, WHERE WE CROSSED ON A FERRY-BOAT; THE ONLY + REASON FOR DOING IT WAS TO TRY A VOYAGE WITHOUT + STEWARDS' FEES + +POOL OF SILOAM, JERUSALEM, HOLY LAND + +VIRGIN'S FOUNTAIN, HOLY LAND + +THE TOWER OF DAVID, JERUSALEM + +THE SPHINX--THE GRAND OLD GIRL OF ALL SCULPTURE. THE + SUN'S KISS WAS THE ONLY ONE SHE EVER HAD. THE QUEEN + OF POST-CARDS, TO WHICH THE PYRAMID BEHIND HER RUNS A + CLOSE SECOND + +RAMESES II + +ARAB TYPES--CAMEL DRIVERS--SUNBURNT SNOWBALLS OF THE NILE + +"RAM" IN THE LIME-LIGHT, WITH THE INEVITABLE GOATEE. THE + ONLY WAY HE COULD TRIM IT WAS WITH A BLAST OF DYNAMITE + +OUR OWN NILE DONKEY, "BALLY-HOO-BEY." KNEW HIS BUSINESS + LIKE A BOOK, BUT OBJECTED TO THE TOD SLOAN RIDE (SPOKEN + OF IN THE TEXT)--A WILD WEST EFFORT IN THE FAR EAST. + ALI BABA, JR., IN THE SADDLE + +TEMPLE OF LUXOR ON THE NILE. "RAM" IS VERY MUCH IN + EVIDENCE, BUT ONLY A SMALL PART OF HIS SCULPTURAL + OUTPUT IS SEEN, AS THE STONE-CUTTERS' LIENS HAVE NOT + YET BEEN SATISFIED + +ANOTHER PART OF KARNAK; ONLY ONE MAN ON THE JOB, BUT HE IS + QUITE EQUAL TO ALL ITS REQUIREMENTS AND EMERGENCIES + +PILLARS OF THOTHMES III, KARNAK, EGYPT, WITH TWO YOUNG MEN + ON THE LOOKOUT FOR BUSINESS. THEY ARE BOTH WORTHY OF + EVERY ENCOURAGEMENT + +OBELISK OF THOTHMES I AND QUEEN HAPSHEPSET XVIII DYNASTY. + TWO FINE OBELISKS IN THE TEMPLE OF KARNAK--A LITTLE + TOPSY-TURVY LOOKING AND VERY MUCH IN NEED OF REPAIRS + +THIS IS WHERE "RAM" FELL DOWN AND HAS NEVER SINCE BEEN + "LIFTED." IT TAKES _PIASTRES_ TO PUT SUCH A BIG MAN + ON HIS FEET. STONY MACADAM, PRESIDENT OF THE BAKSHISH + TRUST & TIPPING COMPANY, WITH HIS CASHIER AND ENTIRE + BOARD OF DIRECTORS IN ATTENDANCE. IT'S A TOUGH PROBLEM + "STONY" CAN'T SOLVE IF THERE'S MONEY BEHIND IT + +THE ARCH OF CONSTANTINE, ROME--ONE OF THE FINEST EXTANT. + THE EMPEROR THOUGHT IT ALL OUT AND PLANNED IT TO + ASTONISH POSTERITY, AND INCIDENTALLY TO RECORD HIS OWN + GREATNESS + +THE FORUM, ROME'S GREATEST HISTORICAL CLUB, WHERE EVERY + MAN HAD A HEARING IF HE HAD ANYTHING TO SAY. SOME GREAT + THINGS WERE SAID THERE AND THOUGHTS COINED WHICH ARE + PASSING CURRENT AS OUR OWN TO-DAY + +THE BATHS OF CARACALLA, ROME, WHERE THE ROMANS HAD THE + BEST TIMES OF THEIR LIVES AND WERE ALWAYS IN THE PICTURE + WHILE IT LASTED + + + + +A FANTASY OF MEDITERRANEAN TRAVEL + + +A DREAM OF ANTICIPATION + +(_The spirit of the cruise_) + + The _King of Cork_ was a funny ship + As ever ploughed the maine: + She kep' no log, she went whar she liked; + So her Cap'n warn't to blaime. + + The Management was funnier still. + We always thought it dandy-- + Till it wrecked us on the Golden Horn, + When we meant to land at Kandy. + + The Cap'n ran the boat ashore + In aerated waters; + The Purser died by swallowin' gas, + Thus windin' up these matters. + + _L'Envoi_ + + Fate's relentless finger, + Points to the Purser's doom: + He gulped the seltzer quickly-- + Then bust with an air-tight boom! + + +Taking my cue from this short, spasmodic dream I had one evening in a +steamer chair, of what I imagined was to happen on our coming voyage, I +started to scribble; and following the fantastic idea in the vision, I +shall adopt the abbreviated name of _The Cork_, for our good +ship--although some of the passengers preferred to call her _The +Corker_, as she was big and fine, and justly celebrated among those who +go down to the sea in fear and trembling. The fame of this ship and +her captain spread so far and wide that a worthy band of male and +female pilgrims besought him to take them to foreign parts, for a +consideration. + +There was great ado at starting, and when we finally steamed out of New +York harbor past the "Goddess of Liberty" one fine morning, the air was +rent with the screeching of steam sirens and the tooting of whistles. +The "Goddess" stood calm and silent on her pedestal; she looked +virtuous (which was natural to her, being made of metal), but her stoic +indifference was somewhat upset by an icy stalactite that hung from her +classic nose. One of the passengers remarked that Bartholdi ought to +have supplied her with a handkerchief, but this suggestion was +considered flippant by his Philistine audience, and it made no +impression whatever. + +The list of passengers stood at seven hundred, and an extensive +programme of entertainments was promoted for their amusement, +consisting of balls, lectures, glees, games of bridge whist and +progressive euchre, concerts, readings, and a bewildering schedule of +functions, too numerous to mention; in fact, it was a case of three +rings under one tent and a dozen side shows. + +The passenger list comprised many examples of eccentric characters, +rarely found outside of the pages of Dickens; the majority, however, +were very interesting and refined people, and the exceptional types +only served to accentuate the desirability and variety of their +companionship on a voyage of this character. Here is a description of +some of them, exaggerated perhaps in places, but not far from the facts +when the peculiar conditions surrounding them are fully considered. +Many of them were doing their best to attract attention in a harmless +way, and in most cases they succeeded, as there is really nothing so +immaterial that it escapes all notice from our fellows. + +For instance, there was a human skyscraper, a giant, who had an immense +pyramid of tousled hair--a Matterhorn of curls and pomatum--who gloried +in its possession and scorned to wear hat, bonnet or cap. When it +rained he went out to enjoy a good wetting, and came back a dripping +bear. The sight made those of us who had but little hair atop our +pates green with envy, as all we could now hope for was not hair but +that the shellac finish on our polls might be dull and not shiny. This +man also sat or stood in the sun by the hour to acquire that brick-red +tan that is "quite English, you know;" and he got it, but it did not +altogether match with the other coloring which nature had bestowed upon +him. Then we had a "fidgetarian," who was one of the unlaundered +ironies of life; he could not keep still for a moment. This specimen +was from Throgg's Neck, and danced the carmagnole in concentric circles +all by himself, twisting in and out between the waltzers evidently with +the feeling that he was the "whole show," and that the other dancers +were merely accessories to the draught he made, and followed in his +wake. He was a half portion in the gold-filled class, and a charter +member of the Forty-second Street Country Club. + +We were also honored by the presence of Mrs. Handy Jay Andy, of +Alexandry, who had "stunted considerable" in Europe, and was anxious to +repeat the performance in the Levant. She didn't carry a pug dog, but +she thought a "lady" ought to tote round with her something in +captivity, so she compromised on a canary, which she bought in Smyrna, +where all the good figs come from. She was a colored supplement to +high-toned marine society. + +No collection of this kind would be complete without a military +officer, and we had him all right; we called him "the General," a man +who jested at scars and who had a beard out of which a Pullman pillow +might be easily constructed. On gala nights he decorated himself with +medals, and on the whole was a very ornamental piece of human +_bric-a-brac_. Of course we had the man with the green--but not too +French green--hat. He had a curly duck's tail, dyed green, sticking up +in its rear, so that the view from the back would resemble Emperor +William. He attracted attention, but somehow seemed like an empty +green bottle thrown in the surf. + +Some of the ladies had their little peculiarities also. There was Mrs. +Galley-West from North Fifth Avenue, New York, a "widow-lady," whose +name went up on the social electric-light sign when she began to ride +home in a limousine. She stated that everybody who was anybody in that +great city knew who _she_ was and all about her. Nobody disputed her +statements. As time elapsed she became very confidential, and one day +stated that she was matrimonially inclined and intimated that she would +welcome an introduction to an aged millionaire in delicate health, as +it might result in her being able to carry out some ambitious plans she +had made in "philomathy." By the time we reached Cairo she had lowered +her figures to a very modest amount--but she is still a widow. + +The human mushroom was also in evidence--the girl narrow and straight +up-and-down, like a tube ending in a fishtail, with a Paquin wrap and a +Virot hat, reinforced with a steel net wire neck-band--the very latest +fads from Paris. Her gowns were grand, her hats were great, I tell +you! When some one was warbling at the piano, she would put her elbow +on the lid of the "baby grand," face the audience, and strike a +stained-glass attitude that would make Raphael's cartoons look like +subway posters. + +[Illustration: FUNCHAL THE LONG BRANCH OF MADEIRA; NICE BALMY PLACE FOR +A REST AFTER A PANIC. STEAMER LEAVES LONDON TWICE A WEEK. HOTEL +ACCOMMODATIONS BY CABLE] + +Among those present who came all the way from Medicine Hat was the +cowboy girl, who could ride a mustang, toss a steer with a lariat, +shoot a bear or climb a tree. She wore a sombrero, rolled up her +sleeves, and was just _dying_ to show what she could do if she had only +half a chance. She got it when we came to the donkey rides in Egypt. +She was a "Dreadnaught girl," sure enough. + +The claims of the pocket "Venus" from the "Soo," must not be forgotten. +She was small and of the reversible, air-cooled, selective type, but as +perfect as anything ever seen in a glass case. She wore a spray of +soft-shell crab-apple blossoms in her hair, which stamped her with the +bloom of Arcady. She spilled her chatter lavishly, and had the small +change of conversation right at her finger-tips. She had an +early-English look, and was deservedly popular with the boys. + +The beet-sugar man from Colorado also had his place. This specialist +put his table to sleep before we lost sight of land. He stifled his +listeners with sugar statistics, informing them how many tons of beets +the State produced and what they were worth in money; how much to +expect from an acre, and the risks and profits of the industry: a +collection of facts that were the mythology of alleged truth. If you +were good the gods would make you a sugar-king in the world to come, +and Colorado was to be financially sugar-cured in the sweet by-and-by. +His whole song was a powerful anaesthetic, and many at the table did +not know the meal was over till the steward woke them up. + +One among our crowd who really mattered was a tall, gloomy, dyspeptic +man, hard to approach, but once known he never failed to harp on his +favorite string,--the old masters and the Barbizon school of painting. +This man had all the ready veneer of the art connoisseur. He used to +talk by the hour about the great pictures he had seen, and gave each +artist a descriptive niche for what he thought him famous: such as, the +_expression_ of Rubens; the _grace_ of Raphael; the _purity_ of +Domenichino; the _correggiosity_ of Correggio; the _learning_ of +Poussin; the _air_ of Guido; the _taste_ of Coraceis, and the _drawing_ +of Michelangelo. This, of course, was all Greek to most of us, but it +raised the tone of the smoking-room and enveloped the entire ship in a +highly artistic atmosphere which no odors from the galley could +overcome. Incidentally I may say, however, he didn't know all about +them, for one day a wag set a trap for him by saying he had had a fine +bit of Botticelli at dinner. + +"My dear sir," exclaimed our "authority," "Botticelli isn't a cheese; +he was a famous fiddler!" + +"I have always had an impression he was an old master," said another +passenger, who was an amused listener. + +It is impossible for any large body of travelers to escape the man who +by every device tries to impress his fellows with the idea that he is a +Mungo Park on his travels, and so our harmless impostor had his +"trunkage" plastered with labels from all parts of the world, sold to +him by hotel porters, who deal in them. He wore the fez, of course, +and sported a Montenegrin order on his lapel; he had Turkish slippers; +he carried a Malacca cane; he wrapped himself in a Mohave blanket and +he wore a Caracas carved gold ring on his four-in-hand scarf. But his +crowning effort was in wearing the great traveling badge, the English +fore-and-aft checked cap, with its ear flaps tied up over the crown, +leaving the front and rear scoops exposed. Not all of the passengers +carried this array of proofs, but many dabbled in them just a little +bit. It doesn't do, however, when assuming this role to have had your +hair cut in Rome, New York, or to have bought your "pants" in Paris, +Texas, for if you are guilty in those matters you will give the +impression of being a mammoth comique on his annual holiday. + +The dear lady who delights in "piffle," and to whom "pifflage" is the +very breath of life, had also her niche in our affairs. She hailed +from Egg Harbor and was an antique guinea hen of uncertain age. When +you are thinking of the "white porch of your home," she will tell you +she "didn't sleep a wink last night!" that "the eggs on this steamer +are not what they ought to be," that the cook doesn't know how to boil +them, and that as her husband is troubled with insomnia her son is +quite likely to run down from the harbor to meet her at the landing two +months hence. Then she will turn to the query by asking if you think +the captain is a fit man to run this steamer; if the purser would be +likely to change a sovereign for her; what tip she should give her +steward; whether you think Mrs. Galley-West's pearls are real, and +whether the Customs are as strict with passengers as they used to be; +whether any real cure for seasickness has yet been found, and why are +they always painting the ship? Not being able to think of anything +else she leaves her victim, to his infinite relief. Oh you! iridescent +humming-bird! + +The men who yacht and those who motor are of course anxious to attract +attention. The freshwater yachtsman (usually river or pond), plants +his insignia of office on his cap. It is generally a combination of a +spread-eagle and a "hydriad," surrounded by the stars and stripes. +These things lift him above the level of those who would naturally be +his peers, and effect his purpose. The motorer sports his car duster +on all possible occasions, and thinks his goggles are necessary to +protect his eyes from the glare of the sun on the deck of the steamer. +He has large studs of motors, and always proposes to keep in front of +the main squeeze. The chatter relating to cars and yachts when these +men were in evidence was insistent and incessant. You were never +allowed to forget for a moment that they owned cars, power boats and +runabouts, and that their tours averaged thousands of miles. The man +from the stogie sections does not, of course, fear to fire his fusee in +this company and he always does it--it keeps up the steam. + +A row of three extinct volcanoes was frequently to be seen seated side +by side in the smoking-room, where they recounted the scenes of their +youth with evident gusto. One would recall the days of '49, spring of +'50, and tell his companions all about the excitement of mining in +those early times,--"Glorious climate, California!" was the way he +usually wound up his reminiscences. Another would draw his picture of +the firing on Fort Sumter, and would assert that the battle of Antietam +in which he took part was the hottest of the war. The favorite topic +of the third raconteur was the flush times on Oil Creek in the early +'60's, when he had drilled a dry hole near "Colonel Drake's" pioneer +venture. And so it would go till it was time to "douse the glim." One +thing they all agreed on--that the whiskey was good but the drinks were +small on the _Cork_. + +[Illustration: THE PARTHENON, ATHENS, GREECE--THE MOST IMPRESSIVE RUIN +IN EXISTENCE] + +There was a young southern Colonel on board who was a charming +companion and a good-natured, all-round fellow, always willing to do +anything for anybody, young or old. The ladies soon found out his +weakness, and they "pulled his leg" "right hard," as he would have put +it. When ashore he bought them strawberries, ice-cream, wine, +confectionery, lemonade, and anything else he could think of. He was a +veritable packhorse, and many times when he was already loaded with +impedimenta they would, as a matter of course, toss him wraps, +umbrellas and fans, followed by photo's, _bric-a-brac_ and other +purchases, till the man was fairly loaded to the gunwales. This they +would do with an airy grace all their own, remarking perhaps: + +"Here, Colonel, I see you haven't much to carry; take this on board for +me like a good boy, won't you?" + +He stood the strain like a Spartan to the bitter end, and when the trip +was over he, like Lord Ullen, was left lamenting in the shuffle of the +forgotten, and didn't even get a kiss in the final good-byes, when they +fell as thick as the leaves in Vallombrosa. + +The most picturesque and amusing man on board was a Mexican rubber +planter from Guadalajara, known on the ship's list as Senor Cyrano de +Bergerac. He hadn't a Roman nose--but that's a mere detail; he had a +Numidian mane of blue-black hair which swung over his collar so that he +looked like the leader of a Wild West show. He was a contradiction in +terms: his voice proclaimed him a man of war, while all the fighting he +ever did, so far as we knew, was with the flies on the Nile. To look +at him was to stand in the presence of a composite picture of +Agamemnon, Charles XII. and John L. Sullivan; but to hear him +_shout_--ah! that voice was the megaphone of Boanerges! It held tones +that put a revolving spur on every syllable and gave a dentist-drill +feeling as they ploughed their way through space. It was alleged that +when he struck his plantation and shouted at the depot as he leaped +from the train that he had arrived, all the ranch hands fell down and +crossed themselves, thinking it was the sound of the last trump and +their time had come. We have no actual proof of it, but undoubtedly +these announcements were heard on Mars, and might better be utilized as +signals to that planet than anything that has yet been suggested. He +had a fatal faculty of stringing together big words from Webster's +"Unabridged," and connecting them with conjunctions quite irrespective +of the sense, so that the product was like waves of hot air from a +vast, reverberating furnace. It was the practice of this orator to +jump from his seat at all gatherings without warning, and make +detonating announcements on all kinds of subjects to the utterly +helpless passengers, the captain, the officers and the stewards. These +hardy sons of the sea, who had often faced imminent danger, would +visibly flinch, set their faces and cover their ears till the ordeal +was over. But they were never safe, as he made two or three +announcements daily, and they had to listen to his thunder in all parts +of the ship till it returned to New York. His incessant shouting was a +flock of dinosauria in the amber of repose; it upset our nerves, but as +it added to our opportunities for killing time, many forgave him and +thought him well worth the price of admission. In many respects his +disposition was kindly and generous; but oh, my! how he could and did +talk! + +There were two men with us who represented a type known to the _Cork's_ +other passengers as "the Impressionists." When they came on board +orders were given in a loud voice as to the disposal of their luggage, +the chauffeurs were asked whether everything had been taken from the +cars, and the travelers then made their way to the chief steward. +After receiving a tip, that personage became satisfied that they were +deep enough in dry goods to entitle them to seats at an officer's +table, which were given them. Their opportunity came next day when +they had donned their "glad rags," and stood in the centre of the +smoking-room. A few minutes before the dinner gong sounded they drank +a Martini, and looked over the heads of the crowd with an air of +conscious superiority. Dinner started, they surrounded themselves with +table waters and Rhine wines, ostentatiously popping corks and making a +great show of "bottlage" for very little money. When they left their +seats they were _the_ men of the ship--in their own estimation; but +they had shot their bolt and could go no further, so they settled down +in a condition of social decay that became very distressing. This +recalls an incident of Thackeray's: he once saw an unimportant looking +man strutting along the deck of a steamer. Stepping up to him he said: + +"Excuse me, sir, but are you any person in particular?" + +Now we reach the post-card mania. This is the most pernicious disease +that has ever seized humanity since the days of the Garden of Eden, and +in no better place can it be seen at its worst than on a steamer +calling at foreign ports: once it gets a foothold it supplants almost +all other vices and becomes a veritable Frankenstein. It is harder to +break away from this habit than from poker, gossiping, strong drink, +tobacco, or even eating peas with your knife if you have been brought +up that way. The majority of the "Corks" when landing at a port would +not have stopped to say "Good morning" to Adam, to take a peep at Bwana +Tumbo's hides and horns, or to pick up the Declaration of Independence +if it lay at their feet--in their eager rush to load up with the cards +necessary to let all their friends know that they had arrived at any +given place on the map. This is but the first act in the drama, for +stamps must be found, writing places must be secured, pencils, pens and +ink must be had, together with a mailing list as long as to-day and +to-morrow. The smoking-room is invaded, the lounge occupied, and every +table, desk and chair in the writing-room is preempted, to the +exclusion of all who are not addressing post-cards. Although we toiled +like electrified beavers we got behind on the schedule, so that those +who did not finish at Malta had to work hard to get their cards off at +Constantinople, and so on through the trip. The chariot of Aurora +would hardly hold their output at a single port. At the start it was a +mild, pleasurable fad, but later it absorbed the victim's mind to such +an extent that he thought of nothing but the licking of stamps and +mailing of cards to friends--who get so many of them that they are for +the most part considered a nuisance and after a hasty glance are +quietly dropped in the waste-basket. Many had such an extensive +collection of mailing lists that it became necessary to segregate them +into divisions; in some cases these last were labeled for +classification, "Atlantic Coast Line," "Middle West," "Canadian +Provinces," "New England," "Europe," etc. Again they were subdivided +into trades and professions, such as lawyers, ministers, politicians, +stock brokers, real estate agents, bankers (in jail and out of it), +dermatologists and "hoss-doctors." This habit obtained such a hold on +people who were otherwise respectable that they would enter into any +"fake," to gratify their obsession. Some of the "Corks" did not tour +Spain but remained on the ship; many of these would get up packages of +cards, dating them as if at Cadiz, Seville or Granada, and request +those who were landing to mail them at the proper places, so as to +impose on their friends at home. I felt no hesitancy, after silently +receiving my share of this fraud, in quietly dropping them overboard as +a just punishment for this impertinence. Incidents like this will +account in part for the non-delivery of post-cards and the +disappointment of those who did not receive them. + +Our Purser had what is known in tonsorial circles as a "walrus" or +drooping moustache; he was plied with so many foolish questions in +regard to this mailing business that he became very nervous and tugged +vigorously at this ornament whenever something new was sprung on him. +It is said that water will wear a hole in stone, and so it came to pass +that he pulled his moustache out, hair by hair, till there were left +only nine on a side. The style of his adornment was then necessarily +changed to the "baseball," by which it was known to the "fans" on board. + +The handling of this enormous output has already become an +international postal problem of grave importance in many countries; the +mails have been congested and demoralized, and thousands of important +letters have been delayed because Mrs. Galley-West would have her +friends on Riverside Drive thoroughly realize that she has got as far +as Queenstown on her triumphal tour, and that she and all the little +Galley-Wests are "feeling quite well, I thank you." + +The ultimate fate of the post-card mania is as yet undecided. It may, +like the measles or the South Sea Bubble, run its course and that will +end it; on the other hand, it may grow to such proportions that it will +shut out all human endeavor and bring commercial pursuits to a complete +standstill. In any case its foundations are laid in vanity and +egotism, and that will eventually prove its undoing. + + + +MADEIRA + +We lit right out for Madeira, and after a pleasant but uneventful +voyage cast anchor in the harbor of Funchal, the capital, in less than +nine days. + +The Madeira Islands are owned by Portugal, but the natives all wish +they were not and are most anxious to get under Uncle Sam's wing, _a +la_ Porto Rico. The islands are of volcanic origin and some of the +mountain peaks are over six thousand feet high. The climate is +delightful and the variation in temperature is not much over thirty +degrees. Semi-tropical vegetation and flowers abound everywhere, and +the place is beautifully clad with verdure. The natives have "that +tired feeling," and do just as little work as will earn them a scanty +living. They, however, blame this condition on the Government. + +The group was at one time celebrated for its wines, but a blight came +on the vines and the business of wine-making is greatly reduced; +besides, Madeira wine has gone out of fashion of late years. + + +FUNCHAL + +The Madeirans dress like comic opera bandits and are very picturesque +in appearance, and while they look like Lord Byron's corsairs, they +never cut a throat nor scuttle a ship under any circumstances; they are +the mildest of men. While strolling in the public market I noticed a +bit of local color: one of the fierce looking pirates had for sale half +a dozen little red pigs with big, black, polka dots on them. I stopped +to look at them and the corsair insisted that I should buy one at least +and take it with me for a souvenir. + +The principal feature of the place is that wheels are at a discount and +most of the locomotion is done by sliding. The streets and sidewalks +are paved with large, oblong pebbles which become highly polished by +friction. Over these the sleds, with oxen attached to them, glide with +ease, at the rate of three miles an hour. On this account it's the +most tiresome place to walk in that I know of. Even most of the +natives have stone-bruised feet and "hirple" along as if finishing a +six-day walk in "the Garden." + +While we were there a Portuguese man-of-war entered the harbor and +there was a great waste of powder both from the forts and the +battle-ship. The harbor was filled with little boats containing boys +and men who dive for the coins thrown into the water for them by the +passengers. They never fail to reach the money. + +I asked a gentlemanly native where the flower market was and he very +politely walked with me for three blocks and landed me in front of a +flour mill. I explained his mistake and he then insisted on taking me +to where they sold flowers, at which point we had an elaborate +fare-welling--hat-lifting, laughing and handshaking. I asked him to +visit me in New York, but he said with marked sadness in his voice that +he hadn't the price and therefore must forego the pleasure. + +The passenger list of the _Cork_ being a large and notable one, the +City Club gave us a ball at the Casino. It was alleged that the bluest +blood on the island took part in this, the largest function of the +season. + +Madeira has been described by a distinguished traveler as "a neglected +paradise." Part of this appearance is given it by the luxuriant growth +of the Bougainvillea vine which has rich purple flowers, masses of +which can be seen decorating the villas when one approaches Funchal +from the sea. Madeira is some three hundred miles from Africa, and yet +when sand storms arise on that continent the sand is blown across the +sea and great mounds of it are piled up on this island; arrangements +have to be made to prevent it from entering the houses. + +The main island, Madeira, is thirty-three miles long and thirteen +broad, with a population of 151,000. Funchal has 50,000 inhabitants, +and is a quaint and interesting city. The island was known to the +Romans, but was settled by Zargo in the interests of Portugal. +Columbus married his wife at this port. Captain Cook bombarded Funchal +in 1768 and brought that city to his terms. Napoleon was sent here on +his way to St. Helena in 1815. So, on the whole, Madeira has had a +fair amount of checkered history. + +The Casino was started as an imitation of Monte Carlo, but caused such +disaster that it was suppressed. The Lisbon officials now visit it +once a year to see that there is no gambling going on; the owners know +when they sail and remove the tables, and after the "inspection" is +over and the officials have returned home, business is resumed in +safety and with the usual profit to the proprietors. + +[Illustration: THE HISTORICAL PART OF ATHENS, GREECE. PANORAMA OF THE +GREAT RUINED GROUPS] + +The _Cork_ is one of the marine giants, and when all the first-cabin +rooms were sold the company painted up the second-cabin quarters and +sold them at full first-class rates. I joined the party only a few +days before it started and was glad to get an outside, single room, +about the size and shape of a Pullman section. Its distinction was +that it had a port-hole of its own through which I could freely admit +the local climate. When I first surveyed the contracted proportions of +this stateroom, the paucity of its fittings and entire lack of the +usual accommodations, I was filled as full of acute melancholia as an +egg is of meat and had I not paid the passage money I would have bolted +from the _Cork_ out into utter darkness; but I was "in for it," and +determined to make the best of the situation; so I got some clothes +lines and screw hooks, and with them constructed a labyrinth of handy +landing nets for all my belongings, which resembled the telegraph wires +on Tenth Avenue before Mayor Grant cut them down. I also hung my top +coat and mackintosh in convenient places, and used their pockets for +storage vaults. One pocket served as a complete medicine chest, +another accommodated slippers, collars, cuffs and shaving tackle, while +I utilized the sleeve openings (closed at the cuffs with safety pins), +to hold a full line of clothes, hair and tooth brushes, and tied small +things to the buttons, which shook with the vibration of the ship as +sleigh-bells are shaken by the vaudeville artist when he plays _Comin' +Through the Rye_ on them for an encore. The whole arrangement was a +marvelous and instantaneous success, and so proud was I of the +achievement that I invited my neighbors to peep into the stateroom to +see its glories and utilities. Some of them proceeded at once to copy +my best ideas--but that is the fate of all inventors. However, they +were grateful, for they named the passageway on which eight rooms +opened, "Harp Alley," in honor of my nationality, and placed a card +with this legend on it at the entrance: + + HARP ALLEY + + NIGHT & DAY HOUSE + On the South Corner + With a Port-Hole on the Side + + Hot Meals + and + Other Entertainments + at all hours + + "WE NEVER SLEEP" + + +The rush of arrivals was so great that I was soon obliged to remove the +sign and "close the house." + +But a great catastrophe was shortly to happen which cast a gloom over +the Alley and plunged us into a miniature _Republic_ disaster. A big +salt water pipe was hung from the ceiling of the Alley passage; and +what do you think! under strong pressure it burst with a loud noise one +morning when we were dressing for breakfast and flooded the rooms of +the entire colony before we could say "Jack Robinson!" Such a +scurrying into bath robes and jumping out of staterooms were never +seen! I felt that owing to my high standing and responsible position +in the "Alley," and having in mind the fame of Binns (of the +_Republic_, the "wireless" hero of Nantucket shoals), it was incumbent +on me to ignore my personal effects and comfort in an attempt to save +the ladies and their _lingerie_ at any price. So I slipped on my +trusty rain coat, and handed them out under a spread umbrella, one by +one, to a place of safety, I being the very last man to leave the Alley +and even then with reluctance. But mind you, I never took my eyes off +the floor! they were glued to it all the while this transfer was being +made. (Although when I afterward mentioned this circumstance, some +lady slung the javelin into me from ambush by saying +sarcastically--"Oh, yes indeed! 'glued to the floor' the way the +average man's eyes are riveted to the sidewalk when he passes the +Flatiron Building on a windy day!") But I was determined to make it a +wholesale sacrifice, and I did it! This Spartan performance was +generously rewarded, for I was added instanter to the _Cork's_ "Hall of +Fame" as the "Hero of the Deluge." + +All our things were taken down to the furnace room and dried in a short +time, and the Alley quickly regained its dignity and composure. I had +to repair the damages to my room, but soon got it in perfect running +order again; with added improvements it became a veritable Bohemian +dream and I would not have left it for worlds. I could lie on my bed +and get a drink of water without rising, reach for a cigar, sew on a +missing button, open my treasury vaults to see how the funds were +holding out, and when dressing could sit down on my only seat, a +ten-cent camp stool, and take a short smoke while Steward Griffiths was +filling my bath tub. But I was far from civilization, as the +first-cabin baths were up two deck flights, then down one and back +through a passage underneath where you started from; the round trip was +a ten minutes' walk. I consoled myself with the reflection that it was +needed exercise and in the best interests of hygiene. + +The delights of Funchal exhausted, we were off again for a visit to +Spain, landing after a short run at Cadiz. + + + +SPAIN + +CADIZ + +There is not much to see in Cadiz but its Cathedral and the busy life +of its people, who number 70,000. It is thoroughly calcimined in +chromatic tints and looks fine as you approach it from the sea, but +your enthusiasm wanes somewhat when you get into the picture and see +that there are many places where the gilt has been knocked off the +gingerbread and has not been put back again. But we must all take off +our hats to the "old town," for it was there, indisputably, that +Columbus rigged up and started for America. If he had only known what +he was about and the people had understood all that was to happen, they +would have had a brass band on the pier and have set off plenty of +skyrockets in the evening. 'Twas ever thus! The "knockers" boo-ed him +from their shores and said he was crazy, but history plants his feet on +the topmost rung of fame long after the bitter end, when short commons +were with him uncommon short. + + +SEVILLE + +The "Corkonians" took the train for Seville, and it was a corker in +length for it took three engines and all the first-class carriages in +Andalusia to carry us to our destination. + +The management had about a carload of plaited straw lunch baskets and +filled them with good things, so we had a continuous picnic _en route_. +When we arrived we found almost every carriage in this city of 150,000 +people lined up in a big square for the distribution of the party, as +the principle of procedure was, first come first served. There was a +motion picture for you that lasted twenty minutes, but there was a +place for every man and every man had his place, so we were all +comparatively happy and started in to "do" the town. + +Seville has one of the largest, finest and richest Gothic Cathedrals in +existence; it has absolutely everything that can in reason be demanded +of a cathedral, with or without price, including in part a full line of +old masters, headed by Murillo and Velasquez (who were born here); +bones of the good dead ones--and some bad ones--silver gilt organs, a +court of orange trees in full bloom, the Columbian library (established +by Fernando, Columbus' son), containing nothing but books, books, +books! Then again there are _acres_--I was going to say--of stained +glass windows, but perhaps I had better stick to the simple truth and +say innumerable windows, showing every variation of the rainbow in +their brilliant, deftly interwoven tints. Once more we find jewels of +great price, solid silver trophies (which before the slump in silver +would have placed any honest man above the corrosion of carking care); +and wood-carving by masters of the trade whose artistic feeling was +graphically described by our learned guide--known to the "Corks" as +"Red Lead," on account of the lurid color of his hair. He wore an +Oscar Hammerstein opera hat and seemed condemned to live on earth but +for a certain time--and all whom he met wished for its speedy +expiration. In a single, simple, instructive sentence he requested us +to "Joost look at dat figger and see how the master have carve them +feets; they are both two much alike." + +[Illustration: CONSTANTINOPLE AND THE GOLDEN HORN CROSSED BY THE GALATA +BRIDGE, WITH STAMBOUL IN THE FOREGROUND. THE YOUNG TURKS PRESENTED +THIS AS THE FIRST SNAP OF THEIR OFFICIAL CAMERA. LATER THEY +"DEDICATED" THE BRIDGE BY HANGING THE FIRST BATCH OF MURDERERS ON IT] + +Most of these things, and many more, were the gifts of King Charles V., +King Ferdinand, Queen Isabella and others, with a Sultan or two thrown +in for good measure. All this grandeur is spread over 124,000 square +feet, exceeded only a little by St. Peter's in Rome. + +In the plethora of good things I had almost forgotten to mention the +Tomb of Columbus, a finely carved sarcophagus in solid bronze. Heroic, +allegorical figures support it and it is an imposing coffin in every +respect. + +The size of this great Cathedral is three hundred and eighty by two +hundred and fifty feet, and a week might be spent in seeking out the +vast treasures which run the gamut of art and money from its top round +to the bottom. There are many other churches here, but to try to write +of them after attempting to describe the Cathedral would be like an +introduction to Tom Thumb after having spent the day with Chang, the +Chinese giant. However, we can hardly overlook the Alcazar, which +"cuts" considerable "ice," even in this hot climate. It is the palace +of the late Moorish kings, containing the famous Court of the Maidens +and the Hall of the Ambassadors. It cost a good many millions of +_pesetas_ to erect its front elevations, not to speak of its elaborate +interior decorations, although the workmen only received two pence per +day, and they had a local "blue card" union at that. + +The "Order of the Corks," both men and women, all went to see a grand +series of Spanish dances at the theatre, got up for their delectation +and amusement. No band of enthusiastic pilgrims ever started in such +high feather to see a dramatic and terpsichorean feast as did we. +There was an expression of mystery and expectancy on every face. Mary +Garden and all she does would be a mere flea bite to what we should see +of pure and simple naughtiness. But alack and alas for our blasted +hopes and the human weakness that had been worked on by the adroit +press agent! The show was a "fake:" there was nothing naughty about +it--and very little that was nice. No refrigerating plant ever +contained a freezing room so dank, cold and gloomy as that theatre! +After the first act, the ladies--Heaven help them!--put on their furs; +in the second, an odd man or two began to sneak out, and by the time +the curtain rose on the last act there was hardly a soul in the house! +The weary "Corkonians" wended their way to the hotels in disconsolate +groups, and the simple but convincing words, "Stung again!" hung on +every lip as we toddled up the dark stairs to our beds, wiser but +sadder men. There may be allurements in Andalusian dancing--but if +there are, we certainly did not see them. + +In the cold, gray dawn of the next morning we gathered up our +belongings, and after an early breakfast, reinforced by another +"management" basket lunch, we made for the train. An all-day's ride to +Granada was before us. You see, you couldn't get anything to eat at a +Spanish station but garlic, onions and chocolate, so we had to prepare +for the worst. "The worst" came all right, in the sanitary +arrangements at the stations (for there were none on the trains), but +we justly blamed all our troubles on Spain and not on the management of +the trip. It all passed, however, like a summer cloud when we landed +in time for a late dinner at Granada. Dinner over we went out and saw +some of the gay life of this famous city. The local color was +there--in fact, it was highly colored; and as for "atmosphere," why, +the air was full of it! The ladies squirmed a little, but the men +stood nobly by their guns till the last candle had been snuffed out; +and so we went to bed, after arranging to give a full day to the +Alhambra next morning, and slept the sleep of the just. + + +GRANADA + +Morning came as usual with the rising sun, and we set out, twenty-five +to a guide. I transmitted Mark Twain's name of "Billfinger" to our +man, and he was very much pleased by this notable mark of distinction; +in fact, he felt that he had to speak and act up to his title; but his +voice gave out in the second round, and he had to whisper his +historical jokes and quips about the harems to a "Cork" from Chicago, +who repeated them in a louder tone to the audience. This man was a +human calliope, and had the voice of an African lion when out of meat. +His trained organ was so ear-piercing that much to "Billfinger's" +annoyance several ladies deserted our party and fled to one of the +other guides who had a soft, sweet voice. + +The party was large and each guide was obliged to keep twenty minutes +behind the band before him. This was done like clockwork, and yet, +such is the uncertainty of such arrangements and the intensity of the +human desire to get ahead of one's neighbors that, do as he would, +Billfinger was constantly butting his leaders into the rear of the +enemy--for such they were regarded, once the procession got into full +swing and the excitement had reached its zenith. This led to endless +confusion, and the members of party No. 9 (our set) had to be fished +out and sorted from the ranks of Nos. 10 and 8, thus producing many +violent squabbles among the guides. Adjustments were slow and by the +time they were made a general congestion had set in at the rear and the +"Corks" were all bobbing round in hopeless confusion, extending even to +the outer gates at which we had entered the citadel. But the man with +the voice from Chicago now came into his own and showed how easily he +could quell a friendly riot. He mounted a parapet and with a green +umbrella as a baton shouted back his orders, and they were obeyed with +such telling effect that in a short time the procession moved like a +well oiled machine and we had no further trouble. By most of the +pilgrims it was considered that this was hardly a fitting or dignified +entrance into one of the noblest ruins of any time or country; but this +is a practical age, and we got right down to the business of inspecting +what is left of the Alhambra. When such a man as Washington Irving was +so inspired by the marvelous beauty of this place and lived ninety days +in one of these buildings (which was pointed out to us by Billfinger), +in order to get the spirit of the times and place in which these halls +were erected and peopled, and there wrote his celebrated historical and +romantic book, _Tales of the Alhambra_, published in 1829 (obtainable +in any library), it would seem best that I leave the reader to peruse +that famous work for ideas and details which, should they be supplied +by the ordinary scribbler, could but belittle such a noble subject. I +therefore suggest that those interested procure that book and read it +for themselves. + +[Illustration: THESE SANDOWS OF STAMBOUL ARE CONSIDERED A HUSKY TRIO, +EVEN IN THIS CITY OF STRONG MEN. IF THESE KEGS ARE FILLED WITH SOUR +MASH THEY'RE A MENACE TO THE WHISKEY TRUST AND OUGHT TO BE TAXED +ACCORDINGLY] + +We went to bed early, for we had to rise long before daylight and take +the train for Gibraltar, where the _King of Cork_ lay waiting for us, +for she had steamed from Cadiz to "The Rock" after we left her; and +although we had enjoyed every minute of the trip, we were glad to get +back to the only home we had, on the water. + +We had made quite a circuit through Spain, and it had been a most +interesting journey. We had thought of Spain as a land of dust, sand +and rocky mountains, but instead of that we found broad, fertile +plains, well cultivated and with every sign of prosperity. Above all +other things the feature of the country is the thousands of well kept +olive orchards; then there are sugar-cane, and grapes and other fruit, +in abundance. Some of the buildings on the ranches are very fine and +imposing, reminding the visitor of English estates. We were fortunate +in passing through the cork producing district, and saw the whole +process of barking the trees, cutting the bark in oblong squares and +stacking it up like lumber in a large yard. The trees grow their bark +again after it is stripped off and from time to time it is again cut as +before. At the first sight the "Corks" got of this industry, they +showed their interested appreciation by taking a thousand and one +snap-shots before the train left the station. + +Most intelligent Spaniards will tell you that they were angry when we +took Cuba and the Philippines from them, but now they regard it as a +blessing in disguise, as they had no business with expensive colonies, +are better off at the present time than they have been for decades, and +hope for a new era of prosperity. The largest blot on the country is +the cruel bull fighting, but their English Queen has set her face +against it and it is distinctly on the wane. + + +ALGERIA + +When we had finished up the stereotyped sights of Gibraltar and had +thrown overboard a New Jersey insurance agent for criminally mentioning +"Dryden's Hole," that bewhiskered "chestnut," in connection with the +time-honored "Rock," we steamed across the Mediterranean to Algiers, +some four hundred and ten miles away. Algeria has a water front of six +hundred miles, and extends back two hundred and fifty from the shore. +It was conquered by the Romans in 46 B.C.; subsequently the coast of +Barbary became the dread of every ship that sailed the sea. With +varying success, many nations, including Spain, France, England and the +United States (fleet commanded by Commodore Decatur), took a hand in +trying to tame the horde of cut-throat pirates who for centuries +committed unspeakable atrocities and cruelties. It is hard to realize +that only seventy-five years ago these sanguinary pirates held complete +sway on the Mediterranean, and that England alone had six thousand of +her subjects captured and enslaved by them in 1674. It is estimated +that six hundred thousand from all the nations were captured and worked +to death in chains. This spot is the "chamber of horrors" in all human +history. To the French belongs the honor of finally taming these +wretches and drawing their claws. Algeria is now a French colony, is +well ordered and quite safe for the visitor. + +This people is made up of many breeds: we saw thin, bandy-legged Arabs, +fat, burly Turks, ramrod-like Bedouins; Kalougis, with a complexion +suggesting old sole leather; Greeks, with frilled petticoats; Romans, +of course with the toga; Kabeles, with black hair and wearing a robe +like a big gas-bag; Moors, with the Duke's nose and spindle shanks; +Mohammedans, carrying bannocks with holes in them; and dragomans, with +"_bakshish_" stamped on every department of their anatomy. But beneath +the furtive glance and in the wicked eyes you see the cut-throat still +lurking, awaiting the first opportunity to embark again in the trade +that is close to their hearts, although the only active pirates here +now are the cab drivers. + +Every breed has its own outlandish costume with a large range of +startling colors in robes, turbans and slippers, but their shanks are +bare, thin and brick red, an easy mark for flies. A considerable +percentage of their time is devoted to stamping their feet to shake off +these pests, which somehow do not seem to know they are not wanted and +keep the lazy rascals busy, thus preventing them from devoting the +entire day to sleep and the worship of Allah. + +To round out the picture we must not forget the French Zouave +regiment--fine-looking men, with their elaborately frogged jackets, and +trousers like big red bags, large enough to make balloons if filled +with gas, and the whole topped off with a scarlet, "swagger" fez with a +tassel hanging down to the waist. + +Algeria has a population of about 5,000,000, while the town of Algiers +contains 140,000 people. The climate is tropical with plenty of rain. +Oranges, lemons, pineapples, dates, figs, cocoanuts and spices are seen +everywhere. There is a fine, tropical, public garden-park, and the +Governor's Palace with its grounds makes a handsome showing in flowers +and fruits. French officialdom strikes a gay and festive note +everywhere, and the very latest Parisian novelties are seen on the +streets. They have motor cars, but it must be confessed that these do +not as yet class with a Studebaker "Limousine." + +The passengers slept on the _Cork_ at the wharf. They tried one meal +at the hotel, with the ship's stewards assisting, but did not essay a +second. Seven hundred in two relays would have tested the ability of +Mr. Boldt, but still when the battle was over we had all had enough; in +fact, the management came out with flying colors in this severe test. + +Perhaps at this point it might be interesting to report on the progress +that the Alley had made since it was last mentioned. The development +of ship characters takes time, and the big men and women do not pop at +once into the lime-light. There were other alleys and some of them +contained hidden stars. It was our business to lasso these (just as +base-ball players are "signed"), and annex them to the Alley, so with +this in mind and hat in hand we approached the haughty but accomplished +Purser (with a big P), the man who is covered with gold lace and +clothed with vast responsibility; who, in fact, holds the destinies of +the ship in the hollow of his hand. We laid our case before him and +said we wanted "Gassigaloopi" from Alley No. 9, the two "Condensed +Milkmaids" with their chaperon from the midship flats, and "Fumigalli," +who bunked near the condenser. The great man of course frowned and +pulled his "walrus"--the kind that has hanging, hairy selvages on it, +such as serve as warnings for "low bridge" on the railroads--smote his +desk firmly, and said it would never do! However, we could clearly see +that beneath the mask of his importance he was jubilant over the +knowledge of his power, and that if we could only pull some other +string we would gain our object; so we inveigled the queen of the +poop-deck into joining hands with us, and the day was won without +further effort. Then with joy and gladness we informed the new people +whom we had delighted to honor of their social elevation, and with +willing hands we carried their belongings down in triumph to Harp +Alley. Two of the staterooms had been vacated at Gibraltar, and so all +difficulties connected with the transfer were easily overcome. +"Gassigaloopi" was a tower of strength in himself; he was a retired +Italian politician and spoke so many languages that when he got excited +he mixed them thoroughly, utterly routing all contestants in any +arguments that might come up. He was a human geyser, and when his +linguistic power got under full headway he fairly tore up all the +tongues by their roots and trampled them under foot in the rush of his +stinging invective. Although of Italian origin, "Gassy" was born near +the site of the Tower of Babel, and its propinquity and influence gave +him that varied volubility in expressing fine shades of meaning in many +languages that made him the pride of the profession of which he was a +distinguished light. His ebullitions were frequently hurled at the +"boots" for neglecting his oxfords, placed outside his stateroom door, +but soon afterward he became himself again, much to the general joy of +the Alley. + +[Illustration: THE ABDICATION OF THE SULTAN, ABDUL HAMID II.--HIS LAST +RIDE THROUGH THE STREETS OF CONSTANTINOPLE] + +"Fumigalli" smoked so much that he gave all his time to thought, and we +used him to plan future triumphs for us. Though he thought much he +produced but little. We all knew that he was evolving great projects +mentally, but somehow he could not get them out in front of the +spot-light. His one great achievement was calling a meeting of protest +against the Senor's boredom in the smoking-room. The meeting was held +and two resolutions were drafted to be read at dinner in the saloon; +but somehow no one liked to hurt the Senor's feelings, and they were +never read. + +The "Condensed Milkmaids" were a pair of small, temperamental, clever +girls, so trim and smart that one would think they had just left the +Trianon Dairy Farm in Versailles Park, after having milked a pint of +cream for the Queen, or for the royal favorite, Comtesse Du Barry. +They wore Louis the XIV. (Street) high-heeled slippers, and were purely +decorative. Having no part in the executive management they knew their +place and kept it. + +A young lady and her mother from New England (both members), gave the +Alley a boost at the last concert. The daughter played a violin solo, +accompanied by her mother, with such attack, feeling and technique that +if Paganini had been on earth he would have taken off his hat to her. + +It is perhaps true that the Alley had no tremendous personages in its +membership, but its innate strength lay in this weakness for it +represented the very embodiment of what is known as the concrete social +spirit, "one for all, all for one," and with this motto it might +have--and really did--stand against the entire ship. Neither the +Purser, the Captain nor the crew dared oppose its opinions or wishes; +in fact, the Alley thought of running down to Zanzibar and taking a +whack at the lions before "Bwana Tumbo" even saw them. We don't like +to brag, but one of our members could, with one eye shut, hit any +button on the metal man's coat in the shooting gallery, and with both +shut could bring down a wildebeeste. The mission of the Alley and its +fate now lie in the "womb of time," and we must not hustle its destiny +but calmly await developments. + + + +MALTA + +We left for Malta, which was reached in two days, and cast anchor in +the harbor of Valetta, the capital. The island is celebrated as the +home of the Knights of Malta, the original birth-place of the Maltese +cat, and the spot where the Maltese cross was invented--but not +patented. This island was conquered by the Romans 259 B.C.; afterward +by Napoleon, from whom it was taken by England in 1800, and now indeed +it's "quite English, you know." Oh my! how English it is, to be sure! +It's nothing but Tommy Atkins here, and Files-on-parade there; +battle-ships "beyant," and cruisers in the "offin'," mixed up with +gunboats and bumboats and "gund_u_las," till you would think you were +standing on the pier at "Suthampton." + +The marine bands mostly play _Rule Britannia_, but some of them essay +_Annie Laurie_, and when these airs get mixed, it would try the soul of +Richard Wagner to stand the discord without resorting to profanity. +Anyway, Mr. Bull has this island all to himself. Its fortifications +and harbor are the finest to be found on the globe, but how sad to +think they have been rendered useless by the modern battle-ship with +the long guns. (I was going to say the "long greens," as they and +battle-ships always go together, no matter who pays the taxes.) But +still it charms the visitor with its fine climate and gay people. It +was Carnival Day when we arrived, and the motley crowds in the street, +in variegated raiment, pelted the "Corks" with all kinds of flowers +with the utmost good humor. + +There is a church on the water-front that is lined with the skulls and +bones of the various armies of defenders: its name is "Old Bones," +which certainly bears out its character. + +A whole lot might be written about how the Knights of Malta became very +great, then very small and degenerate, and finally were pushed into the +discard by the relentless hands of time and public opinion. Valetta +has quite a number of people living there besides the soldiers and +sailors, some 80,000 I believe, but most of them are tired of climbing +the steep streets, many of which contain stairs. Lord Byron, having a +game foot, got angry at them when he wrote: + + "Adieu, ye cursed streets of stairs, + How surely he who mounts you swears!" + + +We were shown the spot where St. Paul was ship-wrecked. The Maltese +erected a colossal statue to Paul on Selmoon Island about fifty years +ago. They hold an annual feast there on February 10th, the alleged +date of his shipwreck, and as they have two hundred additional feast +days they have just one hundred and sixty-four days left for their +regular business--loafing. They have novel names for their hotels and +saloons,--the "Sea and Land Hotel," "The Pirates' Roost" saloon, the +"Quick Fire" lunch-room, "The Englishers' Chop-House," and "The Camel's +Drink," are some examples. Not from greed, but purely out of +curiosity, mind you, we tested the latter, and it would have taken +three of what they gave us to make a regular "Waldorf highball." Thus +does the retributive principle of temperance put the rod in pickle for +those who would fool with its beneficent laws. + + + +GREECE + +We left Malta and had Greece before us, which we reached in two days. +Lord Byron aptly describes it in his famous poem which opens with: + + "The isles of Greece, the isles of Greece! + Where burning Sappho loved and sung, + Where grew the arts of war and peace,-- + Where Delos rose, and Phoebus sprung! + Eternal summer gilds them yet, + But all, except their sun, is set." + + +ATHENS + +The Acropolis, or rocky mountain on which the celebrated group of +buildings is found, was fortified more than a thousand years before +Christ. It is the central spot of all that is greatest in art, +letters, history, statecraft and philosophy since time began. This has +been the undisputed opinion of critics and historians for about three +thousand years and stands uncontradicted to-day as it did in the very +beginning of things learned and artistic. + +[Illustration: MEHEMET V., THE NEW SULTAN, AFTER THE INVESTITURE, +LEAVING THE MOSQUE] + +You are met toward the top of the ascent by the Propylaea that +"brilliant jewel set on the rocky coronet of the Acropolis" as a kind +of introductory vestibule to further greatness. It is the most +important secular work in Athens, consisting of a central gateway and +two wings. It was begun in 439 B.C. It contains a wealth of Doric +marble columns, beautiful, carved friezes and metopes, with five +gateways spanned by great marble beams twenty feet long. All these +wonders compel the stranger to stand spellbound at the magnificence of +their combined effect. + +Near by stands the Temple of Athena Nike, and close at hand is the site +of Phidias' colossal statue of Athena Promachos, the "fighter of the +van," made of the spoils taken from the Persians at the battle of +Marathon; sixty-six feet high, in full armor, her poised lance was +always a landmark for those approaching Athens. + +We now reach the temple, attached to which is the Portico of the +Maidens, the Caryatides, and containing the shrine of Athena Polias. + +Next comes the great Parthenon, "the most impressive monument of +ancient art," built by Pericles in 438 B.C. It was adorned by statues +and monuments by Praxiteles, Phidias and Myron. It had fifty statues, +one hundred Doric columns, ninety-two metopes, and five hundred and +twenty-four feet of bas-relief frieze, thus realizing the highest dream +of plastic art and the immortality of constructive genius. Within the +inner sanctuary Phidias placed his chryselephantine figure of Athena +Parthenos, the virgin, thirty-nine feet high, the flesh parts being in +ivory and the garments of fine gold. It is estimated that this gold +was worth almost 200,000 pounds. For more than six centuries the +virgin goddess received here the worship of her devoted votaries. In +the fifth century the Parthenon became a Christian church; when the +Turks came they made it a mosque. The edifice remained in good +preservation till the seventeenth century. In 1687 the Venetian, +Morosini, besieged Athens and a shell from one of his guns ignited the +powder which the Turks had stored in the Parthenon. A destructive +explosion followed and thus the most magnificent structure of the ages, +which twenty-one centuries had spared, was reduced to ruins. What +remains of it is still most majestic and when seen by moonlight +inspires the greatest reverence. There is no speculative guess-work in +these statements, for in 1674 Jacques Carrey made a series of one +hundred careful drawings of the Parthenon, which were confirmed by two +English travellers, Messrs. Spon and Wheler, in 1675. These were the +last visitors who saw it before its destruction. + +The Acropolis Museum is also built on the hill. It contains many +interesting things that could not be allowed to remain exposed to the +weather. + +The vast Theatre of Dionysius, which held 30,000 people, is also here. + +There are many other fine buildings, statues and temples on the +Acropolis, but space will not permit of their description. + +We descend to a lower plateau and there find the remains of the vast +Temple of Zeus Olympus, called by Aristotle, "a work of despotic +grandeur," "in accordance," as Livy adds, "with the greatness of the +god." It contained an immense statue of Zeus. Originally it had more +than one hundred imposing marble Corinthian columns, arranged in double +rows of twenty each on the north and south sides, and triple rows of +eight each at the ends. Its size was three hundred and fifty-three by +one hundred and thirty-four feet, which was exceeded only by the Temple +of Diana. To its left is the Arch of Hadrian. Looking east is seen +the Stadium or racecourse. Here the Pan-Athenian games were held in +olden times. It was laid out in 330 B.C., and has been restored in +solid white marble by a rich Greek. It cost a large sum of money and +will accommodate a multitude of spectators. The first year in which +the revival of the games took place the Greek youths won twelve out of +twenty-seven prizes, the others going to various nationalities. + +[Illustration: HANGING THREE LEADERS OF THE ARMENIAN MASSACRE ON THE +GALATA BRIDGE, CONSTANTINOPLE, MAY 3, 1909] + +Beyond in the suburbs lies the public park owned by Academus in the +fifth century before Christ. Plato and many other philosophers taught +their pupils here, and from the name of the owner is derived the word +academy. + +These are but a few of the commanding sights of Athens. No attempt +will be made to speak of the men and the wars that made her the _multum +in parvo_ of human history. The modern Greeks are a serious and decent +people; they seem to be impressed with the fact that their ancestors +were the salt of the earth, and at least try to be worthy of them. +There is no begging in the streets (the Greeks being too proud to beg), +and the people are quite respectable for their opportunities. Their +city is well laid out and built in modern style; it is prospering, +having had only 45,000 inhabitants in 1870, while the population is now +150,000. One cannot afford to treat either the Greeks or Athens +flippantly; they are worthy of the highest praise and respect. + + + +TURKEY + +CONSTANTINOPLE + +After leaving Greece we threaded our way through the islands of the +Aegean Sea, the Dardanelles, the Sea of Marmora and the Bosphorus, to +Constantinople, where we anchored at the mouth of the Golden Horn. I +must leave to the historian the dramatic and sensational history of the +capital of Turkey in its various shifts of ownership; perhaps no other +city has surpassed it as a factor in European affairs for a period of +two thousand years. It was named after Constantine, the Roman Emperor, +who was its chief builder. He tried to call it New Rome, but this +title would not stick. On the Galata Bridge that leads to Stamboul, a +racial panorama may be seen that embraces all the peoples of the +Orient, and everywhere signs appeal in half a dozen languages. The +private histories of its rulers have also been of the most absorbing +and exciting character, and were they described by a pen of authority +and with the necessary inside knowledge and information they would +still further shock and astonish the uninformed. + +The city was founded by the Dorian Greeks some seven hundred years +before the beginning of the Christian era; later the Persians captured +it, then the Romans came and took charge. The Goths were the next men +in possession, followed by Basil of Macedonia, who became Dictator. +Then Mohammed was the man of destiny: the city fell into his hands and +from that day to this the "unspeakable Turk" has ruled it. All these +changes were brought about by battles at sea and on land, by sieges and +through treachery, and with great loss of life, treasure and time. + +We employed a guide to take us to the Mosque of Sancta Sophia and the +other principal show places. This man had formerly called himself +"Teddy Roosevelt," but he changed his name to "George Washington Taft," +in honor of our worthy President, thus making his cognomen thoroughly +American and bringing it up to date at a stroke of the pen; but we told +him this was no kind of a name for a guide in Turkey, and then and +there changed it to "Muley-Molech;" he was much pleased with his new +historical title. "Muley-Molech" had a nose of vast proportions--while +not so large as the _Lusitania's_ helm, yet it was exactly the same +shape; and he wore a moustache that ended in large, hirsutical +corkscrews; his teeth were like small bits of marble stained with +tobacco juice, and they had the effect of an arc made from the spear of +a sword fish, grim and terrible. Altogether he was a remarkable +man--one to be feared at night when near the Bosphorus; although, if +the bitter truth must be told, he avoided impartially both salt water +and fresh, whenever possible. My word! "Muley" was no ordinary, +amateur Munchhausen! he was full of exact statements which he encrusted +with legends that were utterly bare-faced. After hearing one of his +flights of fancy, a fat brewer from the West remarked: + +"It's better not to believe so much or to know so many facts that +aren't so; but this is the devil of a place, anyhow; that's right!" + +Muley looked at him with fine scorn and went on at his usual gait. +Later I told him (Muley), the story of the Irish judge who once said to +a prisoner whom he was about to sentence: + +"We don't want anything from you but silence--and very little of that!" + +This hint had a depressing effect, and Muley lost his nerve and the +character he had enjoyed with us of being a picturesque and fearless +liar. + +Sancta Sophia was built in Stamboul across the Golden Horn by the +Emperor Justinian in 537 A.D. (fire having destroyed the edifice +originally erected by Constantine and replaced by the church built by +Theodosia, which was also burned). The dome is one hundred and eighty +feet from the floor. To adorn it, the Temple of Diana at Ephesus was +ravaged of eight serpentine columns, and eight more of porphyry were +taken from the Temple of the Sun at Baalbek to add to its beauty. It +is alleged that its cost approached $64,000,000, including the "graft." +Its artistic value is greatly depreciated by the squalor of its +environment. Looking at this great pile, a speculative wag remarked, +with a twinkle in his eye: + +"It's all a question of money. Give me the financial assistance of J. +D. R., and with one of the big American construction companies to take +the contract I can produce a building fully equal to this in less time +and for very much less money." + +He was right. It would be only a question of deciding to do it. The +Landis' comic-opera fine would be sufficient. + +The Sultan's Palace and the ancient Hippodrome are also places of great +interest. In the latter were deposited the four gilded bronze horses, +supposed to have been brought from Scio, once mounted on Trajan's Arch +at Rome, brought here by Constantine. They were taken to Venice by +Dandolo, then Napoleon gave them to Paris, and finally after Waterloo +they were restored again to St. Mark's at Venice. + +In Constantinople we also saw three or four other Mosques of great +size, and the Seraglio grounds and Palace. In the latter we saw the +gates through which the odalisks who had lost the sultan's favor passed +beyond to be executed. The passage of this gate made our flesh creep +when we thought of all it meant to the unfortunates; but near by, in +agreeable contrast, is the "Gate of Felicity," which is the entrance to +the sultan's harem. Through this the new favorites entered and +remained till they had grown old and lost their charm. + +[Illustration: "THE MOOSKI," CAIRO. THERE ARE MILES OF STREETS IN THIS +ARTISTIC MARKET WHERE RUGS, TAPESTRIES, LACES, AND ORIENTAL +_BRIC-A-BRAC_ MAY BE SECURED BY THE ANXIOUS AT AN ALARMING SACRIFICE. +EVERY MINUTE IS A BARGAIN DAY] + +The Imperial Ottoman Museum is full of good things purloined from other +art centres. It contains many fine examples of Greco-Roman sculptures, +statues and reliefs, in marbles, terra-cotta and bronze. The figures +of dancing women have a swing and their draperies a palpable swish--as +if a breeze were stirring them--seen only in this school of art. It +also contains Alexander the Great's sarcophagus, which is regarded as +one of the finest examples of Greek art in existence. + +The Grand Bazaar is both a sight and a town in itself, full of streets, +entries, lanes and alleys, covered here and there as an arcade, into +which the sun never penetrates. The dim light, the great crowds of +strangely costumed people,--veiled women with their children in hand, +attended by eunuchs, some chattering, some silent and aloof--but all +intent on bargaining and eager for the fray. This novel and engrossing +picture is made possible and is enhanced by the bewildering variety and +display of Oriental goods and wares--rugs, perfumes, cosmetics, +weapons, shawls, embroideries, inlaid tables, porcelains, brassware, +silks, fans, jewels, laces, gold and silver ornaments of infinite +variety--all piled up and strewn about as if they had been pitchforked +by some magician into an enchanted market-place, with the god of greed +and chance presiding. + +[Illustration: SAMPLES Of CONSTANTINOPLE'S BRAND OF "WHITE WINGS." +IT'S A SIGHT FOR GODS AND MEN TO SEE THESE JOLLY DOGS GOBBLE THE +TURKISH TIDBITS AFTER THE SUN HAS SET] + +Limited space forbids the further description of things that are +wonderful and interesting, but a few words must be said in regard to +facts we would rather not think about. The population is about +1,125,000, and most visitors think there is a mangy, flea-bitten dog +for each inhabitant; but the official dog census has placed the canine +population at about 125,000. The dogs of Stamboul and Constantinople +are a necessity and a book might be written about them alone, as they +have ruled these cities from a sanitary point of view for over a +thousand years. If they did not set out at night and partially clean +up the town, Heaven only knows what it would be like! Their sway is +undisputed, and woe betide him who either hurts or kills them--he is a +marked man, not only by the Moslems but by the followers of other +religions. They have no distinctive owners and just live by their +wits, which are keen to an advanced degree; they have rules of the road +of their own making, and the luckless cur that breaks them is put out +of business in the twinkling of an eye. No one likes them, but they +are a thoroughly protected nuisance, for that protection means life to +the people. Without their services as devourers the population would +die like flies, from epidemics and pestilence. All attempts at doing +away with the dogs have resulted in riots and bloodshed: when Mehemet +II. rounded them up and exiled them to an island, a great epidemic +immediately set in and the rioters compelled the Sultan at the point of +the sword to bring them back again. A later attempt was made by an +Ottoman chief-of-police to deport these canine "white wings" to Asia +Minor: he threw them overboard when out of sight of land, and when this +was made public the mob literally tore him limb from limb. So it does +not pay to monkey with the Sultan's pets in the home of their nativity. +Although no one would suspect it, they have a high order of +intelligence and an acute instinct for local government. By some +unwritten law they divide the town into districts with sharply defined +boundaries invisible to the human eye, yet plainly apparent to the +animal. If an intruder crosses this line he is sorry for it before he +reaches his first bone. The neighboring dogs pounce on him from all +directions, biting his legs, tail and ears, but stopping short when +they in turn reach the line, for fear they may also get into trouble +for trespassing. When one of the members of a district becomes sick +and helpless his comrades do not wait for him to die; they just eat him +up and have done with it. So no one ever sees a dead dog in Stamboul: +professional pride and _esprit de corps_ step in, and the victim is +wafted to the happy hunting grounds in less time than it takes to tell +of it. + +The porters are celebrated for their great strength and the big loads +they can carry. To see them do their work is a most interesting sight: +four of them will carry a great cask filled with fluid and suspended +from two poles placed on their shoulders--a fair load for a team of +horses. They carry these loads with the aid of ingenious appliances +and harness, and the amount of lumber, coal, dressed beef and live +animals they transport for short distances is simply incredible. + +Soldiers are drilling everywhere and a raw lot they are. The treasury +is empty, and many of them have only one shoe, and some none at all, +only a coarse stocking bound round with rags. They may be experts at +killing women and children, but they would make a sorry showing against +trained soldiers. And then there are the "battleships:" fierce, +devilish-looking bulldogs that could demolish any tin-lined fort in +existence if they could only hit it, or even if the sailors could +manage to fire the guns--or in fact, if only the guns could be fired by +any one--which is exceedingly doubtful. + +In smells, the vilest of the vile, including the acrid variety that +cuts the nostrils like a razor, Constantinople stands forever and alone +on a plinth of infamy, and no language that can be dragged into the +arena of expression can be utilized to describe them. They paralyze +the intellect and dull the sense of punishment and acute agony. No +gladiator could enter the lists with them in deadly combat and live to +tell the tale. They arise in part from the debris and remnants of +cheese whose position in the flight of time was contemporaneous with +that of Alexander the Great; from fish that must have darted beneath +the keels of the ships at the battle of Salamis; from tallow, used to +grease the chariot wheels at the battle of Marathon (now sold as +butter); and from the embalmed beef that was left over from the Crimean +War. These with many powerful additions supply the main force and +foundation of all this pervading "sweetness;" but the distinguishing +"high lights" come from minor causes, such as the onions of last year +rotting in nets hanging in the sun, strings of garlic returned to +circulation by the Argonauts when they came back from hunting the +golden fleece, but now hung as a badge of trade on the door-jambs; and +the frying of eggs, that have long lost their market value, with Bombay +_ghee_ and young garlic, the whole mellowed and perhaps refined by the +continual vapors from open sewers. One fragrance that perhaps tickles +the olfactory nerve with more delicacy than all others and might be +called a perfumed "dream," comes from baking a garlic pie piping hot in +the open, with Turkish Limburger as a substantial ingredient. This +zephyr when in full action sets at naught the vain attempt of +asafoetida to hold its place in the history of smells that used to rank +with Araby the Blest. If Alexander had inhaled one whiff of this +combination in its full purity it would have floored him in +Constantinople and he could not have lived to conquer the world. One +of the "Corks" fainted when he hit the embalmed beef zone and was taken +to the rear in a red cross ambulance. + +[Illustration: A CROWD AT THE CHURCH OF THE HOLY SEPULCHRE, JERUSALEM, +WAITING FOR THE DOORS TO OPEN. EACH TRIBE IS IMPATIENT TO ENTER AND +OCCUPY ITS OWN SPACE] + +The sights in these places are too dreadful for publication, and as for +the taste--well, I tried a speck of fried sausage and thought I had +touched a live wire! it left a scar on my tongue. We made a special +excursion to see these sights and experience the smells. The driver of +our carriage took advantage of a stop to take a drink at a Turkish +_cafe_; the procession of vehicles began to move, and as we were in the +middle of it our horses had to move too. This left us without a driver +and I had to mount his seat and drive half a mile at a walk before our +man caught up with us. In the crowded, narrow streets this experience +was not a pleasant one, but I did the best I could and nothing happened +of note excepting that in turning a sharp corner the team ran up on the +sidewalk, from which I was chased with wild gestures and eastern +profanity by a Turkish son of a wooden gun, much to the amusement of +the natives and the rest of the procession. Still, the Turks, who are +steeped in these conditions, seem to enjoy them: they laugh and joke at +the unsuccessful attempts of the outlander to acquire their tastes. If +they are happy, why should we object? + +[Illustration: THIS IS QUEEN HATSHEPSET'S DER-AL-BAHARI TEMPLE AT +THEBES, ORNAMENTED WITH FINE GOLD. THE ORIGINAL METHODS BY WHICH +"HATTY" SWIPED THE MONEY TO BUILD THIS TEMPLE LEAVE WALL STREET TIED TO +THE HITCHING POST AT THE SUB-TREASURY STEPS] + +The costumes of the Turk are without number: there is no cut nor +pattern of garment that is not embraced in their fashion plates and the +colors run riot through all the gamut of the rainbow. But, seriously, +they beat all other nations in the arrangement of their head-dress; no +Turk is too poor or too low in caste to devote his time and attention +to what he wears on his head. Of course, the rich ones have immense +turbans, woven with stranded ropes of cloth in bright parti-colors, +placed on the head as a finish to the toilet with as much care as a +wedding cake is posed on a table; but the _poor_ Turk takes a red fez +as a basis to build on, and will, with cheese-cloth, or a strip of old +toweling, or a wisp of worn-out silk and some feathers, turn out an +effect that it is almost impossible to imitate even where ample +facilities are at hand. Some of them wear their turbans well back on +the head, some pitched forward, many with a rake to the side; but all +with the artistic instinct that compels instant admiration. They are +the "old masters" of headgear and their masterpieces may be seen by the +thousand in any crowded street. + +[Illustration: OUR HOSPITABLE HOST AND HOSTESS IN THEIR SALON WHERE +THEY ENTERTAINED US AT JERUSALEM] + +About the time we were in Constantinople, the new Turkish political +force known the world over as the "Young Turks' movement," was just +springing into life. The members of this body were eager to meet and +mix with visitors and obtain their views and opinions of the +probabilities of success, and a general endorsement of their work; so +it was no trouble to have them visit us on the _Cork_, as she lay at +anchor at the mouth of the Golden Horn. We conversed with them freely +and listened to the recital of their wrongs and how they proposed to +right and correct them. Political corruption and "graft," they said, +were rampant everywhere, destroying the country and blighting every +enterprise and industry. A Young Turk told me that many manufactories +would be started were it not that the rapacity of the horde of petty +officials was such that all must get a share of the spoils before a +license could be granted, and that paying this toll would amount to +much more than the cost of the factory. From the sultan down to the +smallest custom house official, all must get a squeeze out of the +victim whom they meet in any kind of business. The appellation, "The +Sick Man of the East," presents in brief the picture of an unwholesome +looking man, who is allowed to sit tight on his throne and plunder his +people because the Powers can't agree on the division of his empire. +When one looks at Abdul in his carriage one sees at a glance a +coffee-colored knave who, when he gazes at the crowd from behind the +mask of his face, is simply engaged in scheming a new twist in "graft," +and wondering whether or not they can stand it and live. The Sultan is +an expert pistol-shot and has killed many native visitors without the +slightest proof that they were about to do him harm; if they made a +suspicious movement of any kind he shot them down in cold blood and had +them thrown into the Bosphorus. Abdul had an eye on the main chance +and did not consider it wise to have all his eggs in one basket, so he +deposited the hundred million dollars he wrung from his people--what is +called his "private fortune"--in banks all over the world. The Young +Turks are after this "pile," and he is not likely to retain it all and +save his neck from the rope. Perhaps his most horrible crime was +instigating the annihilation of 360,000 Armenians: this act alone +places him on the pedestal of infamy for all time. But the pedestal is +rocking, and his hour is near at hand. His territory in Europe has +shrunk from 230,000 to 60,000 square miles. In a little while there +won't be much left to divide, but there are other forces at work, and +these serious natives tell you that nothing can now stop the progress +of the task they are engaged in and that the days of the sultan are +numbered. We believed in their sincerity and determination, and wished +them every success. As a wind-up it will perhaps amuse the reader to +note the high-sounding list of titles that the sultan--this "cutpurse +and king of shreds and patches"--has given to himself. Here they are, +all fresh roasted, with a few added words to fill in the interstices of +his portrait: + +THE SULTAN'S TITLES + +"Abdul Hamid, Beloved Sultan of Sultans, Emperor of Emperors;" + +"The Shadow of God upon the Earth;" + +"Brother of the Sun"--(_Times_ and _Tribune_); + +"Dispenser of Crowns"--(half-crowns and tu'penny-bits)--"to Those who +Sit upon Thrones"--(and gunny-bags); + +"Sovereign of Constantinople"--(and of all its mangy, flea-bitten dogs); + +Easy Boss of Broussa, as well as Damascus, which is the "Scent of +Paradise;" + +"King of Kings"--(and two-spots); whose army is the asylum of "graft" +and dummy guns; at the foot of whose throne sits Justice with the +bandage off one eye so she can watch the coin! + + +SMYRNA + +We left Constantinople without regret and steamed up into the Black +Sea, making a circle in it, and then returned down into the Sea of +Marmora, so as to get a good view of both the Asiatic and European +sides of the city; then out, through the Dardanelles and on to Smyrna. +This passage was all over classic ground, and every mile of it has made +history for thousands of years. + +Smyrna has 225,000 people, and is the cleanest and most respectable +city the Turks own. In ancient times Croesus lived here after he had +made his pile, and at the present day great numbers of wealthy men make +it their home, and there is a good deal of luxury seen in the suburbs. +It has the trade from Asia Minor. Homer was born here, and wrote and +sang his immortal poetry along its rocky shores. It was conquered by +Alexander the Great, and after he had destroyed it he ordered it +rebuilt a few miles farther off so as not to forget it, and it became +very prosperous. The Knights of Malta and the Arabs fought the Turks +for many years for its possession, but the Turks have held it against +all comers up to date. It was shaken down to ruins by an earthquake in +180 A.D., and this was followed by disastrous shocks in 1688, 1788, and +1880. + +Its great trade is in figs, dates, sponges, silks, and rugs; but the +greatest of these is the rug. These stuffs come in loaded on long +trains of camels. I may say that no one has any idea of what this +animal is like if he has only seen it in a zoo or in a circus parade. +I watched the trains by the hour with absorbing interest. The +professional, business camel is a big, fine, intelligent animal, who +carries himself with the utmost dignity and strides along looking +neither to the right nor the left, refusing to take notice of any noise +or disturbance that would--and often does--upset his owners, whom he +follows with implicit confidence. He is willing to make an honest and +prompt return for his food and the care that is given him. I could not +help thinking that if a man from Mars came down and did not know the +conditions here, he would think the camel was master, and not the noisy +crowd that surrounded him. + +St. Polycarp, the second Bishop of Smyrna, was executed here because he +would not recant his faith; he was a disciple of the Apostle John, and +this incident shows the antiquity of the place. + +The trade of Smyrna exceeds that of Constantinople: five thousand +people are engaged in making rugs, but the best ones are brought in on +camel back from seven hundred miles away. They have a curious way of +selling the rugs that arrive from the interior: the dealer must buy the +unopened bales with no opportunity to examine the rugs, so it is really +a lottery and feeds the desire for gambling that prevails in business +dealings in the Orient. + +Smyrna is a beautiful, oriental city; it produces nothing, but +exchanges everything and gets a shave for doing it: it is the home of +Eastern luxury and of the finest women in Asia. Much more could be +written about this city with a guide-book as a basis of information, +but it would not be interesting produced in this way. + +We heard a native "ragtime" band, playing tom-tomic strains--the lyric +style of dinner-gong music that tears holes in the air. The leader was +an imitator of Sousa and had his gymnastic eccentricities down to a +fine point. He executed a fantasia on his horn of plenty that brought +a shower of silver on the stage. We were told that the members of the +orchestra were called the "Flowers of Music from Stamboul," and were +working their passage to the "halls" of the European capitals. May the +hat never be returned empty nor the charm of their work grow less! + + + +THE HOLY LAND + +JAFFA + +Our next stopping place was Jaffa, the port of Jerusalem. The water at +the landing is very rough, but the sturdy natives jump into the boats and +show rare skill in handling the passengers, tossing them round like sheep +into safe spots of vantage in the large boats used for disembarkation. + +Jaffa has a population of 35,000. It is celebrated for its fine oranges, +which grow in profusion about the city to the extent of 8,000,000 oranges +every year. It has fine trains of camels, and 15,000 pilgrims to the +Holy Land pass through it annually, many of them Russian pilgrims. It +costs them about $60 to make the trip, and many of them spend their lives +in saving this money for the purpose. The railroad to Jerusalem is +fifty-four miles long. Simon the tanner was born here; his house was +supposed to be on the hillside, but another house farther down the hill +at the water-front was agreed on by those financially interested, so as +to have something notable to show the visitor just as he stepped from the +gang-plank. A guide said to us, pointing out a thirty-year old fig tree: + +"Dar is de feeg tree de great man preech under all dose years ago; long +time, ain't it?" + +The streets are narrow and crooked, no room for vehicles, so we had to +trek about two miles to the railroad station, the baggage being sent +there by teams. After getting on the train we ran through orange, fig, +olive, lemon, pomegranate and date groves, then over a great flat, +fertile plain, the Plain of Sharon, fifty miles long and averaging eight +miles wide, ploughed by camels, oxen and horses. This gave way to lands +not so good, but covered by a great variety of flowers, followed by stony +patches, and finally by ranges of bare, rocky mountains with but little +vegetation on them and quite forbidding and desolate in their appearance; +but every mile was historic ground. We were shown the town said to be +the Arimathea of the New Testament, and the Crusaders' Tower, one hundred +and twenty feet high. Here Samuel was a judge and Israel asked for a +king. Then the Hill of Gezer, with ruins of the old city presented to +Solomon by Pharaoh as a dowry for his daughter. Now we see Zorah, the +birthplace of Samson, where the Ark was held up by the Philistines before +they returned it to the Israelites, fearing it would bring a curse on +them, and also where he tied burning brands to the foxes' tails so as to +set fire to the ripening crops. + +[Illustration: THE MOSQUE OF OMAR, JERUSALEM--"THE FINEST BUILDING IN THE +EAST." THE TURKS AND MOHAMMEDANS WASH THEIR FEET IN THE DRINKING +FOUNTAINS HERE, BUT THAT, OF COURSE, IS A MERE DETAIL. IT CLEARLY SHOWS, +HOWEVER, THE COURAGEOUS FREEDOM AND _SANS SOUCI_ OF THE PEOPLE] + +Farther along we come to Bittir, so strongly fortified that it took the +Romans three years to capture it, costing them the lives lost in the +horrible massacre described in the Talmud--one of the largest in all +history. + +And now the train stops at Jerusalem. This railroad is a tiny affair, +and the officials marked up the class of some of its carriages by +painting out one numeral from "II," leaving it a "I" class carriage, thus +turning a second into a first just to keep up the spirit of deception +that is the potent atmosphere of the Holy Land. But we were in Jerusalem +and didn't care a rap, even though the varnish on the seats was wet and +we were stuck to them like limpets to a rock in the sea. + +It was quite a strain on the Holy City to take care of such a crowd, but +all was well managed and we were comfortably stowed away somewhere (many +in convents), and only the most confirmed "kickers" could offer any fair +objection to the arrangements. + + +JERUSALEM + +Very few writers and hardly any lecturers and speakers who have visited +Jerusalem have told the truth about it, or if some of them have, they +told only the pleasant part of it. In fact, it has usually been given a +treble coat of whitewash, entirely misleading to those who are to follow +them. When the writer holds Jerusalem to be the greatest of historical +cities with all the reverence due to it, and yet finds it in the hands of +the Turkish government--which does not know the meaning of truth nor of +honesty; which by its example prostitutes every decent feeling in the +minds of the people to its own base ends, and permits the barefaced +robbery and oppression, not only of the visitor but of its own +citizens--then I say the modern writer has a delicate task to perform in +describing it, for in relating the facts he might seem to be railing and +scoffing at religion and biblical history, whereas nothing is farther +from his mind or his intention. Everything is so interwoven that it is +hard to separate the serious and truthful from the ridiculous and +fraudulent. This deceit is not alone of to-day; it goes back to the +times when landmarks and historic evidences were obliterated by wars, +earthquakes and revolutions, and when all traces of locations during +these upheavals of centuries were lost and covered with _debris_ +sometimes one hundred and fifty feet deep, the city of Jerusalem itself +not having a single inhabitant for over fifty years in one period of its +history. Then the "holy men" of those old days saw at once their +opportunity to make religion both popular and paying, as well as the +necessity for doing so, and they therefore invented a system of "pious +frauds" by selecting bogus sites on particular spots for this, that, and +the other incident which occurred in the great religious dramas in the +Holy Land. These selections gave the ignorant, to whom they wholly +appealed, some material, practical object on which to lay hold--something +to worship which they could see and feel; and this was where the profit +lay. Thus we find that there are crowded in the rooms of the Church of +the Holy Sepulchre over thirty "sacred sites." There is the exact spot +where the clay was found to make Adam; Adam's grave; the tears of the +Virgin petrified in the form of a cross. Then there is the Stone of +Unction; near by the Chapel of the Parted Raiment, where Christ's clothes +were gambled for; again, the spot where He was crowned with thorns; the +place where they scourged Him; that spot beyond is where they nailed Him +to the cross--and the hole for the cross has been carefully cut out, no +doubt by the best local stone-cutter not so many years ago. Then there +is the long story of the finding of the true cross--but why further speak +of these absurd fictions, intended to fool and work upon the poor Greek, +Armenian, Syrian, Latin, Copt, Abyssinian and Russian pilgrims--in fact, +all who are ignorant and credulous and will give _bakshish_ to these fat +and sleek bandits, who never did an honest day's work in their lives and +who couldn't be driven with a shotgun to do any kind of labor! At birth +they are dedicated to organized robbery and oppression and they have no +thought of disturbing this dedication--not if they know it! For fees, +they show the "Cradle," a heavy, marble bath tub that would take many men +to rock it with a crowbar. They exhibit the "Manger," also in marble +(!), that never had a straw in it, and if you seem credulous they will +tell you anything they think you will swallow. I pretended to believe +them, and in consequence got a load of lies that would have made Ananias +clap his hands with joy. And so on _ad infinitum_! By one "holy" +pretence and another they rob these poor victims of their money till it +is all gone, when they are allowed to go home as best they may. All +religions, including the Roman Catholic and the Protestant, should +combine to form a universal commission, which should be supplied with +funds raised by public subscription the world over for the purpose of +regulating Jerusalem. The objectionable buildings and "fake" objects +should be razed to the ground, and it should be the duty of this +commission to set forth and establish the authentic, historical sites and +locations as nearly as reasoning and induction can locate them, and it +should also be its province to see that proper treatment, protection and +accommodation are given the poor pilgrims who go there annually; the rich +and educated can take care of themselves. + +The whole city is in a most disgusting state--unclean, vile and +unspeakable in almost every respect; it is the sink of Christendom and +its condition is a disgrace to humanity and to all sects of religion. + +Jerusalem is a very old city: Abraham lived there and it was David's +capital. When Solomon was king it was one of the mighty and magnificent +cities of the world. Sixteen sieges have destroyed it, and the city of +to-day is really built on the ruins of its seven predecessors. How +utterly preposterous, then, is it for any one to attempt to identify the +sacred places! The present population is 60,000. It is a walled city +and has eleven gates. The Mosque of Omar is its principal feature; this +was completed by Solyman the Magnificent in 1561; parts of the +construction were done by the Crusaders. It has a noble dome and is a +masterpiece of architectural beauty; it is said to be one of the finest +buildings in Asia. + +In the Church of the Holy Sepulchre the various sects have certain +portions allotted to them for worship; the lines between them are guarded +by armed soldiers, and if even an unintentional trespass is committed, a +bloody riot usually ensues. In one of these three men were killed and +many wounded a few days before we arrived, and the defeated sects were +planning reprisals when we were leaving. This is Christianity at high +pressure, and is characteristic of the whole place. + +We saw Mount Zion, the Mount of Olives, the Damascus Gate, Calvary, the +Garden of Gethsemane, the Pool of Siloam, the Pool of Bethesda, and the +other celebrated places mentioned in the Bible. These were fairly +authentic, as they were not "spots," but wide places of considerable +dimensions, and not gathered under one roof. + +[Illustration: THE WAILING PLACE, JERUSALEM. THE LESS SAID ABOUT THIS, +THE BETTER] + +The condition of the "Wall of Wailing"--which, by the way, is an open, +paved court--is particularly offensive in a sanitary sense and no +self-respecting person should enter it. Some writers have spoken plainly +about these things. Here is a quotation from an eminent writer on the +East, Dr. D. E. Lorenz, who knows his subject thoroughly, and to whom I +am indebted for other data herewith: + + +"The moral degeneracy of the people as a whole is incredible. Profanity +and obscenity are said to be mingled in the speech of the common people +to an extent unknown among almost any other people on earth. Filthy +homes and utter uncleanliness of person are the general rule. Sanitation +is almost wholly disregarded, and it is a wonder that a plague does not +sweep away all the inhabitants. . . . Dishonesty is reduced to a fine +art. . . . The crowded streets with their Babel of confusion--the shouts +of the donkey boys, the loud cries of the camel drivers, and the calls of +those who would sell their wares to every passer-by, together with the +hurly-burly of people in strange garb and speaking in strange +tongues--all this tends to destroy . . . the religious glamour." + + +The "puller-in" and the "barker" of Baxter Street and the Bowery are mere +sucking doves compared with the vendors of Jerusalem: they will get in +front of you and pull you into their shops, and the only way you can +prevent an assault is to jump to the other side of the street or dive +into an alley. If you do not buy from them they will guy you and tell +you to your face that they wish Americans would stay at home unless they +will spend their money like the gentlemen they pretend to be. If at the +end you buy nothing, they will shout derisively, "Skidoo! twenty-three! +no good!" and other slang of a more or less complimentary nature. The +English rule them with a rod of iron; they thrash them with a cane or +whip which they carry for the purpose, and consequently the natives do +not bother Johnnie Bull but allow him to pass in silence. The Emperor +William was here a short time since, and they opened a new gate to let +him in and removed the small boulders from the road so that his Imperial +Majesty might not be jolted in driving about the country. William wants +to be friendly and get a big slice of the "melon" at the cutting. Lady +Burdett-Coutts, noticing the dangerous character of the water, offered to +equip a fine, free system for the city, taking the supply from the head +waters of the Jordan, but the sultan refused the offer unless he did the +building. This proposal Lady Coutts declined, well knowing that if she +accepted it there would be no works, but that the "Brother of the Sun" +would keep the money. + +The "Corks" were invited to a reception in Jerusalem given by a native +lady in her own home, surrounded by every luxury and refinement as these +are known in Asia Minor. She received us very graciously, with a +distinguished, high-bred air, knowing just what to say and do at the +psychological moment. She treated Mrs. Galley-West with the same +impartiality that she showed toward some of the aristocratic members of +the Rittenhouse Square set of Philadelphia who honored us with their +presence. She was highly educated and an accomplished linguist, so +practically all the varieties of Volapuk were alike familiar to her, and +she could make Jean, Ivan, Hans, Franz or Johnny equally at home in her +presence; as, if she could not quite "hit it off" with him in one +language, she could quickly shift to another and talk to him in the kind +in which he could best express himself. + +Music was rendered and refreshments served by natives in oriental style +and costume. Her husband was an American, an enthusiastic collector of +ceramics and Levantine _bric-a-brac_, and the owner of a celebrated +collection of scarabs--not bought at the Luxor factory, but separated +from the mummies with the golden lever one must use to acquire these +treasures; because it is the same, whether a collector has them dug from +the graves for gold or whether he buys them after some one else has dug +them. We know the practice here in another form (only ours is on a +silver basis), when we catch our speckled beauties in the mountain +streams with a silver hook and hang them high on a pole at supper time +for local fame and universal admiration. Anyhow, the "real thing" in +scarabs is not to be sneezed at when it is a fact that they have lain +beside a Pharaoh in his grave long before Noah thought of laying the keel +of his _Mauretania_. And don't forget that our first captain must have +had a live pair of them on his historic houseboat, in order that they +should be cavorting on the banks of the Nile to-day. But this indulgence +in "piffle" has led us away from the main entrance, and we must come back +to the floor of the _salon_ in which our reception was being conducted. + +Large operations in excavation are now in progress in the East, and +sometimes they "strike it rich," as the boys used to say in Nevada. One +of these companies uncovered a terra-cotta lamp factory, in which were +found literally thousands of small, crude lamps, each with a _strupe_ to +hold the wick through which the oil passed. These were of two sizes, the +small ones being called "wise virgins," and the larger ones "foolish +virgins." There were at least a thousand of them on hand at the +beginning of the reception, and each guest was given one by our hostess. +When it came to my turn, my heart was in my mouth! She asked which I +would have, so I said, + +"Oh, madam, give me a 'foolish virgin,' by all means!" + +Her smiling face turned at once to stone. She handed me a lamp with a +freezing look, in this way trying to stem the tide of giggles that this +request provoked. It was no use; the character of the sacred function +was forever lost through my thoughtless way of asking for the lamp. + +Slowly and alone, I "hiked" back to the hotel, feeling that as a +receptionee I had "put my foot in it," and must in future be regarded as +a social back number. + + +JERICHO + +_The Jordan and the Dead Sea_ + +After visiting all the places in Jerusalem that were of interest to us, +we set out in carriages for a long and tiresome drive to Jericho and its +environs. We passed Gethsemane and went over the Mount of Olives to +Bethany. The Mount of Olives is four thousand feet above sea level, and +consequently has a perfect climate even in hot weather. From it we saw +the plain of the Jordan and the mountains of Moab in the distance--truly +a magnificent panorama. After awhile we reached the "Good Samaritan" Inn +and had some rest and refreshments there. An old Bedouin, tall, spare, +and with a fine, military bearing, had a lot of old flint-lock guns for +sale at the inn, but his historical knowledge and dates were decidedly +mixed. He didn't care anything about facts or the truth if he could only +sell a gun to a credulous customer. To give verisimilitude to his +statements, he said he had fought at Waterloo on the English side and had +killed Napoleon with one of these guns--he did not know which, but the +buyer could have his choice. As this was the grandest and most daring +lie I had ever heard, I gave him an American quarter, for which he was +very grateful, as he needed the money. + +[Illustration: THE DEAD SEA WITH THE LONE FISHERMAN IN FRONT. HE HAS +JUST HEARD THAT THE FISH ARE NOT BITING AND IS SOMEWHAT DEPRESSED IN +CONSEQUENCE] + +We went down through wild mountain gorges to the plain below. In former +times the Bedouins who infest these mountains robbed the visitors and +were a menace to travel, so it became the custom to "settle" with the +chiefs for "protection" (from themselves) before starting. The +management paid up for us and we were duly protected. In none of Gilbert +and Sullivan's comic operas can any incident be found that is more +delicious in its comicality and topsy-turvyism than was our experience +with these bandit chiefs. They were mounted on small, nimble horses +which had all the sure-footedness and agility of the chamois, and sprang +from rock to rock with surprising certainty. The rider chief was armed +to the teeth: he had a long rifle, that had not been fired since the last +siege of Jerusalem slung across his back, round his body were courses of +daggers, pistols and dirks--awfully bloodthirsty-looking things, don't +you know; then he wore a magnificent, three-story turban, topped off with +a big bunch of dyed green alfalfa; the _tout ensemble_ was completed by a +dark red, flowing robe which swept behind him in the wind like the wings +of an angel of death. This great man would bow to us ceremoniously, +place his hand on his heart, put spurs to his horse and dash to the top +of the nearest hill; then, shading his eyes, he would scan the horizon +with careful scrutiny. Now with leaps and bounds he would descend again, +and planting himself before us in the road, would announce that there +were no robbers in sight, or that his appearance had frightened them off, +and then shout at the top of his voice, + +"BAKSHISH! BAKSHISH!!" + +although he had been already paid. There were four of them guarding us, +and at the end they lined up across the road with the idea that we would +have to settle, but we brushed through them, pushing some of them on +their backs, so their bluff was "called." + +Rooms were scarce at the Jordan hotels, and the drivers of the light +carriages were anxious to get there ahead of one another in order to +secure the first choice for their fares; so a general edging up took +place which resulted finally in a steeplechase across the fields, in +which several were thrown out. Our carriage led for the last mile, but +was passed by two others at the finish, thus giving us third place and +single rooms as our reward. + +My apartment was a whitewashed cell, without ventilation, but it was +"mine own" and I was happy. The mirror was hung so high that I had to +make a pyramid of three boxes on which to stand while shaving. They were +quite rickety, and I was between the Scylla of cutting my throat with the +razor and the Charybdis of breaking my bones by a fall on the floor. +Neither happened, however. + +[Illustration: RIVER JORDAN, WHERE WE CROSSED ON A FERRY-BOAT; THE ONLY +REASON FOR DOING IT WAS TO TRY A VOYAGE WITHOUT STEWARDS' FEES] + +We went in to dinner. The hotel put up a fine showing of red napkins, +plated cruet stands (with nothing in the bottles), bundles of toothpicks, +last week's bread, bright green pickles (that had been dropped into some +kind of pungent, commercial acid which would have made excellent rat +poison); paper napkins with Corot landscapes printed on them; and plenty +of gingersnaps and lady fingers, pretty thoroughly flyblown; the whole +supplemented with sheaves of wild flowers cut in the fields with a +scythe. It all looked grand and imposing for the money, but somehow +lacked the substantial body (as well as fragrance) of beefsteak and +onions. The _piece de resistance_ however, really consisted of stewed +kid and roast goat. I could not stomach either, so I went out and bought +three fresh eggs from a native who kept hens, had them boiled four +minutes and was the envy of the entire crowd ever after. + +There was a large courtyard, and a big, dark, Byronic-looking dragoman +came round and proposed a barbaric dance to our people. Ali Cocash was +his name, and he described this dance as an imitation of a fierce and +bloody orgy, such as the Bedouins indulge in after a great victory. They +were to shout, grunt and brandish their guns, dirks, pistols and swords, +and to behave generally in a very disreputable manner; in fact, Ali +gravely intimated that it would be no place for timid ladies. This +simply whetted our appetites and we promptly closed with him for the +dance for a certain amount of "teep." The hat was passed and the tips +put in. Then a row of about twenty-five as hangdog-looking Bedouins as +were ever strung up in the Valley of Jehoshaphat began a kind of mewling +cry, such as a rat would make in a trap. This did not satisfy us and we +went for Cocash; we wanted "blood!" or at least an imitation of crime and +deviltry. Ali consulted with the Bedouins and came back with a smiling +solution of our difficulty. He said, + +"My men have had a hard day's work and are tired and not able to do +themselves justice, but if you give them more 'teep,' they will give you +a good show and you will see something, sure." + +Again the hat was passed, and the sons of the desert, after some rest, +began anew. This time they brought torches with them, and they did make +an abominable lot of noise and flung their armory about in a really +reckless fashion. One of them dropped a burning torch on his neighbor +and set fire to his clothes; this led to a fight which soon became +general, and they began to bang one another right and left with anything +that came to hand. Blood was flowing freely and the dragoman was in +despair. He rushed into a stable and came out with a wooden pitchfork +with which he drove them back, and restored order once more. + +Two accomplished young ladies from the _Cork_ then gave us a skirt dance, +which happily closed a very exciting day. I went to bed in my cell. It +was a fine, moonlight night, and a three-cornered contest soon started +between donkeys braying, jackals howling and dogs barking; but we were +very tired, and they made no more impression on us than would Raff's +_Cavatina_ played on the violin with a mute. + +We were up early next morning and off for the Jordan and the Dead Sea. +We stopped to look at and drink of Elisha's Fountain, a fine, copious +spring forming a large stream. Near it I talked with several German +officers who were making excavations for some German savants. They had +got down to where the old buildings had been, and were pleased with their +prospects. They were nice fellows, and very hospitable--strangers in a +strange land usually are. + +Next we came to Gilgal, and then to the Jordan. I crossed it in a canoe +for sixpence--not that I had any business on the other side, but just to +say that I did it, and to make some kind of a voyage for once without +tips to the stewards on the passage. The river is about one hundred and +thirty-seven miles long and falls three thousand feet on its way to the +Dead Sea. They do a large bottling business at places on the banks, +where the natives bottle the water and sell it to visitors for baptismal +purposes all over the world. + +Lower down is the Dead Sea; it is forty-seven miles long, nine miles +wide, and thirteen hundred feet deep. Its surface is thirteen hundred +feet below sea level; this and the shelter of the hills makes the country +very hot in this valley. The Dead Sea water contains five times as much +salt as the ocean. Six and a half million tons of water flow into it +from the Jordan daily, which amount is evaporated, as the sea has no +outlet. No living thing can exist in it, and the bathers who try to swim +rise to the surface like corks. + +We returned to Jerusalem the way we had come, meeting a train of eighty +camels on the way, which some one called the "oriental express." After +staying a couple of days at Jerusalem, we returned to the _Cork_, which +was waiting for us at Joppa. The natives had not "moved" Simon the +tanner's house again and we saw it once more. + +We sailed for Alexandria and reached it next day. Alexandria is now a +big, modern town and has a great history behind it, too long for any +repetition here. Not long ago, before "Charley" Beresford, the popular +Irish admiral, had gained his title, he commanded the _Condor_ at the +siege of this city, and before the Turks knew it he had stolen under +their forts and they could not point their "graft"-made guns down on him. +Through this advantage he "batted out" a famous victory and the Turks +surrendered in short order. After he had completed the _coup_, his +admiral signaled the now famous words, "Well done, _Condor_!" which rival +the Duke's, "Up, Guards, and at them!" of Waterloo memory. He is to-day +almost as well known and as great a favorite in America as he is in +London. + +We took the train and arrived at Cairo in four hours. + + + +EGYPT + +CAIRO + +Cairo is the largest city in Africa, having a population of 570,000, of +whom 35,000 are Europeans. It is the Paris of the East, and is the +most varied and fascinating place on the earth. It is a military city +with English soldiers, Arab lancers, Soudanese infantry and Egyptian +cavalry, all in picturesque variety of uniform; added to this is the +gayety of the official government life, all on pleasure bent. Most of +their time is spent in play, as they only work from 10 till 1 P.M.--the +climate prevents longer hours. Cairo has every amusement of the +European capital, and each is played for all it is worth. I was there +in 1874 on my way round the world, and I now found it so much changed +and improved that it was a strange place to me. I stayed at +"Shepheard's" both times. On my first visit this hotel was set in a +tropical park and had no buildings near it; now it is closely +surrounded by high, costly, substantial structures quite cosmopolitan +in their appearance. It was the only good hotel then; now there are +half a dozen rivals, as Egypt has become a great winter resort for +fashion and health. From Shepheard's veranda, crowded with tourists, +one may see hawkers of all kinds yelling, or coaxing possible +purchasers, and offering post-cards, ornamental fly-whisks, +walking-sticks, shawls, scarabs, etc.; snake charmers, boys with +performing animals, jugglers, and every possible thing you can think of +that might be bought for a souvenir; then we have the Egyptian women +with blue gowns and their faces below the eyes hidden by hideous black +veils; Bedouins from the desert; a pasha in state, with runners both +before and behind his carriage; a professional letter-writer who for a +couple of _piastres_ will write a letter in almost any desired +language; a camel train laden with oriental merchandise passing in the +midst of trolley-cars, bicycles and automobiles; a fellah woman with a +donkey loaded with baskets of poultry, or a turkey vendor driving his +flock before him, guiding its movements by a palm branch; a milkman +driving his cow and milking it in public for his waiting customers; a +wedding procession preceded by a group of dancing girls, or two +half-naked mountebanks engaging in pretended combats; a gaudily +bedecked bride riding in a gorgeous palanquin borne by two camels, +followed by camels carrying furniture and presents; a funeral +procession with black-shawled professional mourners howling their +mercenary grief--all this and more too is Cairo. + +[Illustration: POOL OF SILOAM, JERUSALEM, HOLY LAND] + +The climate of Egypt is peculiar: from noon till 5 P.M. it is hot and +uncomfortable; the other nineteen hours are delightfully cool in +winter, the air being very dry and healthful, with little or no rain. +At Cairo the Citadel is the main attraction. It stands on a rampart +two hundred and fifty feet above the city and is a splendid fortress. +The city has many mosques--hundreds of them; the most important one is +that of Sultan Hassan. The Museum is very interesting, and contains +the best things from all the temples of Egypt, objects that could not +well stand exposure nor the risk of theft. Then, of course, there are +the Pyramids of Gizeh, three in number, and the Sphinx. These world +wonders are about six miles from Cairo. Few will realize that the big +one sits on a base of thirteen acres and is over four hundred and fifty +feet high. Pick out in your mind's eye some large field of about that +size, and then build it up from that base and you will have some idea +of what this structure is like. It contains three million cubic yards +of stone and was simply a tomb for an Egyptian king. It has a majestic +dignity and impressiveness exceeding that of any other work of man; as +it is approached one feels like an ant in its presence. + +The Sphinx near by is of the same nature. It is sixty-six feet high, +hewn out of the living rock. No one has discovered with what intention +it was made nor what it is meant to represent. It is said to be the +emblem of immortality, and it impresses the visitor with the idea that +it sits serene in its nobility above the earth and its inhabitants and +all else that the world contains. It has always been a riddle and will +always remain one. A thought struck me when looking at the Pyramids +and the Sphinx, and that was that no object of any kind, natural or +artificial, has ever been seen by so many great men in all ages as has +this group at Gizeh. For six thousand years the great of all nations +have made an effort to look upon these mammoth monuments: Alexander saw +them, so did Napoleon and Admiral Nelson; also the heroes of Salamis +and Marathon; all the Roman emperors who could spare the time; lines of +European kings and emperors; poets, sculptors and dramatists of ancient +and modern days; statesmen, painters and writers--all made pilgrimages +to them; while these very same stones were seen by Cleopatra, Mark +Antony, Joseph, Jacob and Abraham, as well as by thousands who preceded +them in history. They are awe-inspiring, and the spectator, do what he +may, cannot release himself from this feeling. + +[Illustration: VIRGIN'S FOUNTAIN, HOLY LAND] + +A short ride on a camel round the group winds up the visit, and the +view from the "high ground" of its back across the great desert +convinces the rider that he is really in the East. Since it rarely +storms in lower Egypt and rains are unknown here, this would seem to be +the ideal spot for our new wind wagons. They would carry you above the +flies, the reflected heat and the dust. Then, too, what a nice, soft +place the sand would make for a final landing place! + +Cairo lately had a real estate boom which ended in a financial crash. +One man made about three million dollars in it, and when he lost this +fortune committed suicide. They employed American methods, holding +auction sales of lots in tents, with brass bands, refreshments, etc. +The East is hardly ready for that sort of thing just yet. + + +_The Mummy and the Scarab_ + +The word "mummy" is derived from the Arabic word mumiya, meaning +bitumen, or wax, which was the principal ingredient used in preserving +the human body by the Egyptians. To this were added spices, aromatic +gums, salt and soda. The rich paid about the equivalent of $1200 per +body to have the embalming done; the middle classes for a cheaper +process paid about $100, while it cost the poor but a small sum to +simply salt their dead. I saw the naked body of Rameses II. in the +Cairo Museum; it had been preserved with bitumen, and was black and +hard, but perfect, and will last forever. Many bodies more cheaply +embalmed fall to pieces when the cloth is unrolled from them. The +people of Thebes understood the business best, and brought the art to +perfection, but each of the twenty-six dynasties had its own method and +reputation. The reason for preserving the body was the belief that the +soul after purification would return to it in ages to come, and the +corpse was made impervious to decay so as to receive the spirit again. +Egypt was consequently a vast sepulchre: it has been estimated by +eminent authorities that there were over seven hundred millions of the +dead preserved in tombs and graves. + +The scarab is an Egyptian beetle of varying size; I have seen lots of +living specimens on the Nile. The ancients believed that if this +beetle were placed in the coffin or grave of the dead, no harm could +come to them, and that its presence would promote their future +happiness and bring them good luck; therefore, it became the custom to +place the scarabs in all graves. At first the real insects were used, +but it was found that these did not last, so imitations made of +semi-precious stones were substituted, and then large quantities were +allotted to the dead, so as to make sure. By easy transition, the +custom of placing scarabs on the bodies of the dead passed to putting +them on the living, and men and women wore the scarab as a silent act +of homage to the Creator, who was not only the God of the dead but of +the living also. These charms are easily carried and can be used in +settings for many ornamental purposes; therefore they are the most +popular and widely sought article in the market. They are as small as +a coffee bean, and run up sometimes to the size of a walnut, green and +brown being the most popular colors of the stones out of which they are +made. Vast quantities of them have been taken from graves, but these +have been absorbed by museums and amateur collectors, and now we have +to fall back on imitations. No yearning desire is allowed to yearn +long here, and so we find factories making scarabs at Luxor and in many +other parts of Egypt. Of course there is a marked difference between a +scarab cut by an old Egyptian, which has been buried for thousands of +years, and something made out of glazed terra-cotta and sold by the +dozen; the former being worth a good sum of money and the latter a mere +trifle. I have spoken of this at such length because there is now a +veritable and increasing boom in scarabs all over the Nile Valley, but +particularly in Cairo. More than half the men you meet on the streets +are peddling them, shouting that they sell only the "real thing." A +man was trying to sell me a gem for $10, and I knocked him out by +saying I wanted only an imitation; he put the gem in his pocket, +pretending he was exchanging it for an imitation, brought it out again +and sold it to me for five cents! I looked at him for a long time and +smiled; then he smiled also--we understood each other. This fad is +very like the tulip mania of old, and almost every one is touched by +it. I saw a dragoman sell a lady three scarabs for $30, and I am quite +sure they did not cost him fifty cents. + + +THE NILE + +We took a train entirely filled with the "Corks," and went up the Nile +to Luxor, nearly five hundred miles from Cairo; some of the party were +going to other places and would take their turn on the Nile later. +When you have seen the ruins at Luxor, Karnak and Thebes you have seen +the best there is in Egypt, and there is but little use in looking at +minor temples unless you desire to become an Egyptologist. Here is a +feast in ruins that will satisfy almost any appetite. + +[Illustration: THE TOWER OF DAVID, JERUSALEM] + +We were quartered on a Nile steamer, moored to the dock, as the hotels +were crowded. We had hardly landed on the deck when the flies lit on +us in swarms. In all parts of the world I had encountered flies that +held the record for abandoned cruelty to man, but they were +white-winged angels of peace compared to these tarantulas! They stuck +and hung and dug into your flesh with apparent glee. You have whips, +whisks, fans and bunches of twigs to chase and defeat them, but it's +all no use. You kill a dozen, and a hundred take their place. After +standing the pests as long as I could, I got some netting and made bags +for my head and hands. This was a great relief, but it had its +penalties. Dying _without_ flies is almost as attractive as living on +the Nile with them. + +Gooley Can was our guide. It may be here said of Gooley that he was an +Arab of middle age, well set up for the most part; he spoke fair +English, and was a conversational soloist of no mean pretensions. He +had a brother who was just a plain guide, with a cast in one eye and a +great admiration for Gooley; he was generally full of sadness (and +grog), brought about by disappointments in his profession. Gooley had +a great reputation, and as he was exclusive he always looked his party +over and sized it up before taking the job; also he had one wife and +was on the lookout for more. He claimed to have piloted rafts of big +men up and down the Nile, and was not to be frowned down by anybody. +He was a gorgeous, oriental dresser, and had a wardrobe as big and +grand as Berry Wall's; so the "Corks" were fortunate indeed in securing +the great man. He was known descriptively as the "Snowball of the +Nile." + +The Luxor Temple was near by, and we started right into business. +Gooley gathered us together and gave us a lecture. He said: + +"Laydies en genteelmen, ef you plaze: I shall be your guide for a week +and I want you to pay attention to me. I want no disputing of what I +say. I am an honest man; I speak the truth, and I know my beeziness. +You can't expect less; you should not hope for more." + +After this explicit statement, Gooley put a roll in his cuffs, cocked +his turban at the correct angle, hitched up his sash, cleared his +throat, and began the business of the day. He uncorked a new bottle of +adjectives in florid description of each wonder as he reached the +ever-lasting wilderness of courts, pillars and obelisks, of +hieroglyphics, bas-reliefs, pylons, hypostyles, colonnades, giant rows +of columns--till he got out of breath and our brains seemed muddled +into a grand pot-pourri done in granite, marble and limestone--but +alas! without salt or pepper! Gooley told us what King Bubastis said, +what Setee I. did--he of the Armchair Dynasty; how Amenophis III. was +no better than he should have been; and that the ladies of those days, +including Cleopatra, painted and wore false hair just as they do now. + +Gooley had a vein of sarcastic wit about him. He said: + +"You Americans think you invent everything, but you don't: there's the +cake-walk cut on that stone four thousand years ago. The girls do it +in the latest fashion; and over there you will see Queen Hat-shep-set +spanking her child, the young king, in the usual manner"--(and in the +usual place). + + "Lots of men would leave their footprints + Time's eternal sands to grace, + Had they gotten mother's slipper + At the proper time and place." + + +The temples were very hot in the middle of the day, about ninety-five +in the shade, and there was but little air moving, so we sat down for a +rest, and it came to pass that Gooley considered this a good time to +spring his scarabs on us, with the unvarying formula with which he +constantly opened every description: + +"Laydies en genteelmen, ef you plaze: you have no doubt heard in Cairo +of the fraudulent imitations of scarabs that are being foisted on +visitors to the Nile and sold as real scarabs. I have scarabs for +sale"--(he was interrupted at this point by applause and hand-clapping, +as the "Corks" were eager for the fray and wanted to get into the game). + +"Laydies en genteelmen, ef you plaze; I am glad to see you are +interested in my goods, and I will now show them to you. I am an +honest man, and so was my father before me. Father and son, we have +sold scarabs to the crowned heads of Europe and to the nobility and +gentry of England, Scotland and _Ireland_--think of that, Mr. Bayne! I +would not cheat you; I am too proud to do that, and if I told you a lie +my father would turn in his grave! There were twenty-six dynasties of +Pharaohs, and each one of them had scarabs of his own pattern. I have +many examples of the oldest and best, some of them having but one eye." + +Assured in this wholesale and convincing fashion, the "Corks" fell to +and made many purchases from Gooley, who told them that his uncle, +Hajie Hassan, was a professional excavator and had lately made an +important find in some graves at Thebes, and that every one of his +scarabs had been taken by this uncle from the coffins. (By the way, at +Thebes they dig mummies with scarabs attached about as we dig our +potatoes, and of course the big bugs are the most valuable and +expensive.) The prevailing average price was one hundred _piastres_ +each, but he was very concise and particular about his prices, and for +some he charged a few _piastres_ less, for others a trifle more, as he +said he knew their exact value and asked only the rate that the Museum, +the crowned heads and the savants were anxious to pay for them. Some +of the "Corks" openly scoffed at this line of talk and threw the gaff +into him without mercy. This hurt the great man's feelings, and he +jumped up and told them that he was rarely asked for a guarantee, but +since suspicion had been cast upon him in an unfair way, he would clear +himself by giving each purchaser a written guarantee. Whereupon he +pulled out a book like a cheque-book and filled out the details, signed +it, and handed each purchaser a "guarantee." This had a tendency to +restore confidence and he made some more sales; but it was getting late +and we adjourned to the steamer. + +[Illustration: THE SPHINX--THE GRAND OLD GIRL OF ALL SCULPTURE. THE +SUN'S KISS WAS THE ONLY ONE SHE EVER HAD. THE QUEEN OF POST-CARDS, TO +WHICH THE PYRAMID BEHIND HER RUNS A CLOSE SECOND] + +We had a _table d'hote_ dinner, and when the Nile fish course was +reached, Gooley appeared between the tables, arrayed in gorgeous, +Arabic robes, and addressed his audience thus: + +"Laydies en genteelmen, ef you plaze: my family has been story-tellers +on the Nile for many generations, and ef you plaze I shall tell you +some Arabian Nights tales." + +With many gestures and admirable poise he told his stories between the +courses; the "Corks" laughed, but the laughter had an apologetic ring +that did not speak well for its sincerity. The truth is, the men were +afraid to laugh in the presence of the ladies, as the stories were full +flavored and spicy; but still, no one fainted. I may say that during +our voyage Gooley repeated this performance at each dinner and changed +his costume on every occasion, always coming out with some little +pleasing surprise, such as a silver ornament stuck through the top of +his ear (where there was a hole for it). Some of the Arab stewards +also wore these, but none was so grand as Gooley's. + +Dinner over, we sat out on deck in comfort, as the sun had set and the +flies had quit for the day. Beside us was anchored J. P. Morgan's +_dahabiyeh_, Mr. Morgan and his party dining on board. He had been up +the river and was coming down in easy stages, landing at the various +points of interest. + +Next morning we mounted donkeys, and with Gooley Can leading we started +for Karnak. It was a funny experience, as some of us had never ridden +a donkey, and many had not been on horseback for years. We were a +weird looking crew, with our heads in net bags and using our fly-whips +like flails. Each donkey has a "boy" (half of them are men), who prods +and whips his charge, but without any cruelty, as the riders would not +allow it. These boys are full of tricks: when I alighted squarely on +the ground, one of them had edged up to me and he set up a loud howl, +claiming I had lit on his toes and had broken two of them. I had seen +the trick played before, and noticing an Englishman near with a heavy +whip I reached for it and made the "boy" really suffer. His friends +laughed at his failure, and before long he joined in the merriment at +his own expense. He had asked me for three dollars damages, equal to a +dollar and a half a toe. On comparing notes in the evening we found +that three passengers had parted with _bakshish_ on similar claims. + +We now entered the largest ruin in the world, the Temple of Karnak, a +monument of unparalleled grandeur, whose vast proportions overpower the +imagination. The temples at Karnak and Luxor are connected by an +avenue six thousand five hundred feet long, with a width of eighty +feet, on each side of which are ranged a row of sphinxes. To describe +these wonders in detail would require weeks, as will be understood when +it is explained that one place, called the "Hall of Columns," alone +contains a vast forest of pillars arranged in groups running from +thirty-five to sixty feet high and each having a circumference of +twenty-seven feet, all highly carved and ornamented. Another object of +interest, the First Pylon or Corner Tower, is three hundred and +seventy-five feet wide and a hundred and forty-two feet high. Many +kings and rulers had a hand in the construction of these great +buildings, and it took fifteen centuries to complete them, but one +character stands out above all other men and things as a builder of +these ruins and the king-pin of Egypt-- + + +_Rameses II._ + +Rameses II. was the greatest advertiser of any age or time. He erected +rows of colossal statues to himself all over Egypt, and for fear some +one would not notice a _single_ figure, he would place half a dozen +side by side. He was usually represented in his Sunday clothes, with a +pleasing smile, and a granite goatee on his chin as big as a +narrow-gauge freight car. (See photograph.) "Ram" was the most +celebrated of the Pharaohs; he reigned seventy years, and was over a +hundred years old when he died. As a young man he won a real battle, +and he spent the rest of his life singing about it through paid, +professional poets. He had one hundred and eleven sons and fifty-nine +daughters. (That was going some!) However, suspicious hieroglyphics +have been found that go to show that Ram was chased in many battles, +and that one barbarian had the audacity to tin-can him into the +neighboring desert, from which he did not return for many moons. +Kadesh was his Thermopylae, and the Khetas compelled him to recognize +their independence at the treaty of Tanis. This made the old man sick, +as he was not accustomed to taking "second money." They had no +"germans" in those days, but Ram is shown in one of the alto-rilievos +in his temple nimbly leading the cake-walk, leaning as far back as ever +Dixey did when exploiting that dance. In the matter of carving, Ward +McAllister couldn't hold a candle to him: he used no knife nor fork, +but slashed his Christmas turkey in pieces with his dirk, ate it and +called for the next course. His wife never got any of the white +meat--the drum-sticks were good enough for her. He was more than a +two-bottle man: this is made plain in the reliefs by the number of +"empties" that are stacked upon his table, and also by the fact that he +built and stocked a celebrated wine cellar at Thebes, his best vintage +being "1333 B.C." + +[Illustration: RAMESES II. THE GREAT PHARAOH OF THE XIXTH DYNASTY AND +THE GRAND OLD MAN OF ALL TIME. AS HE APPEARS NOW IN A GLASS CASE IN +THE CAIRO MUSEUM. IT IS THREE THOUSAND TWO HUNDRED YEARS SINCE HE DID +A STROKE OF WORK. YET HIS BODY IS SO IMPERISHABLY EMBALMED THAT, IF +NOT DESTROYED BY FIRE. IT IS CERTAIN TO BE WITH US TILL THIS EARTH HAS +PASSED AWAY. FOR MANY REASONS RAMESES II. IS NOW THE MOST UNIQUE, +PICTURESQUE, AND CELEBRATED PERSONAGE IN ALL HISTORY. WE MUST TAKE OFF +OUR HATS TO HIM.] + +When Ram dropped into his smoking den after the coronation, the first +thing he did was to order all the stone-cutters, from Cairo to the +Sixth Cataract, to get out their tools and cut his praises on the +stones, rocks, pyramids, tombs and obelisks, according to the plans and +specifications of his architects, professional poets and press agents, +all along the river right down to low-water mark, and there they stand +to this day. One of the favorite postscripts is that this great king +never took off his hat to anybody that ever "blew up" the Nile. Even +in those very, very early days they had a masonic understanding that he +who sails on the Nile must "contribute," and it is a curious fact that +that requisition has never been revoked even unto this writing. + +On the whole, Ram was a magnanimous man and did not forget his wife; he +had her done in a group with himself in which she stands behind his leg +and hardly reaches his knee; something like a prize doll at a fair. He +got other men to do the most of his fighting and, for that matter, +almost everything else, but he never failed to take the credit for +whatever they did. + +[Illustration: ARAB TYPES--CAMEL DRIVERS--SUNBURNT SNOWBALLS OF THE +NILE] + +The great men of England are buried in Westminster Abbey, and +succeeding generations gaze on their statues with awe and admiration; +but as there is nothing of the kind in Egypt, the authorities content +themselves with placing the conspicuous heroes and kings of the past in +full view in glass cases in the museums, where even the small boys may +stare at them in the "altogether," without blanket, bathrobe or pajamas +to cover their physical imperfections. After "life's fitful fever," +poor old Ram and his historical rivals and friends sleep well in these +hard, ebony boxes in the museum at Cairo. Ram had lots of air and +elbow room during his spectacular career, and it seems hardly fair that +he should be kept on exhibition now, although his mummy is most +interesting and always draws a crowd. To parody William a little, it +might be said: + + To what base uses may we come! + * * * * + Imperial Ram'ses dead and turn'd to clay + Might stop a hole to keep the wind away. + O, that that earth, which set the Nile on fire, + Should lie in glass! this is a fate too dire! + + +Ram, scarabs, flies, and _bakshish_ are, after all, the main things of +Egypt and the Nile. I once asked Gooley Can confidentially: + +"How many statues did the great king put up for himself--two hundred?" + +"Oh, very many more than that! he was a busy man." + +But in many departments he had his rivals. Now there was Bubastis I. +of the twenty-second dynasty. (His name seems somewhat similar to that +of our old friend Bombastes, when pronounced by a man with a cold in +his head--but anyway, we'll call him "Bub.") He was a man of not a few +accomplishments, many habits and some deeds: for instance, he made a +grand-stand play when he started out for Jerusalem with twelve hundred +chariots, sixty thousand horsemen and four hundred thousand footmen. +He took it hands down in a canter--and took a whole lot of other +things, too, when he got his hands in the bags of Solomon's temple. +This was a "classy" performance and gave him some small change for the +evening of his days. Thebes was his home town and he was as well known +in the all-night restaurants as Oscar Hammerstein is on Forty-second +Street. He was a great poker player, and wore an amalgamated copper +mask when engaged in a stiff game; it was a helpful foil when trying to +work his passage on a pair of trays. This, mind you, was in the stone +age of poker, when a man couldn't hide his feelings when he held a full +hand. To-day the player sits disconsolate and looks woebegone when +glancing at his royal flush. + +When Bub got hard up he made raids on the "capitulists" of the day, and +often cleaned up both banks of the Nile, from Wady Halfa to Port Said. +When short of funds he frequently staked ten cars of watermelons or a +bunch of steers on a single hand, and most always "pulled it off." He +became infatuated with an odalisk who was a popular favorite at the +Beni Hassan opera house--the rock he split on was _Annie Laurie_, that +good old song, then well known in Lower Egypt, which she sang with chic +and abandon. Bub met her at the stage door after the performance, took +her to a "canned lobster palace," and then eloped with her to the +Second Cataract, instead of coming right over here to Niagara Falls and +doing the thing up in regulation style. I assume they had a _Maid of +the Mist_ at the cataract, and if so he certainly had his photograph +taken in a suit of oilskin--but, of course, this is only an assumption. +However, it is a certainty that he was a plunger and often cornered the +melon crop in the Produce Exchange at Abydos, when the sprouting season +was delayed by floods. It is said that Bubastis I. had more scarabs +buried with him than had any other king that ever ruled the land; I +have no doubt of it, for some of them are offered daily at Shepheard's +by a dozen scarab scalpers. + +Some sceptical readers may raise their brows at this synopsis of a +great man's life, but no suspicions need exist. It was all told to me +in strict confidence by Gooley Can in his tent at Luxor, over a cup of +afternoon tea. He explained that he had dug out these facts in the +museums in the slack season when tourists were scarce, and that I could +rely on them implicitly. + +While he was at it, Gooley gave me a few tabloid truths regarding Setee +I., who, it seems, rivaled and even excelled both Ram and Bub in the +realm of sport. Setee, as his name implies, was not of royal blood, +but was descended from a line of chair makers, having their main +factory at Beni Suef. As a youth of eighteen he won the single sculls +championship, defeating a large field. He was the captain of the +cricket eleven, and defeated the Asia Minors in a game which lasted +most of the summer, scoring three hundred and seventy-five runs off his +own bat in the first innings. This was a great boost for cricket, and +it has been popular in England ever since. He was fullback on the +Pyramids eleven, and was famous in his day as a punter. He kicked as +many goals for his side as ever Cadwalader did when "Cad" was Yale's +great centre rush. It was Setee's custom, of a Sunday morning after +church was out, to take his pole and vault the Sphinx, just to astonish +the Arabs on their native heath; and he was never known to touch her +back in making the record. In common with most of the great Pharaohs I +have been describing, Setee had a trick of cutting his name on any +statue of a dead one that he thought would advance his fame with future +generations; he never hesitated to hack out the other fellow's +signature and insert his own. In these cases he usually asked the +stone-cutter to add a few kind words to show posterity that he was a +great man and a good fellow. It will be seen at a glance that this +broad-gauge and fearless type of man would be eminently fitted for a +dazzling banking career, and feeling entire confidence in himself, +Setee organized the First National Bank and Trust Company of Wady +Halfa--a comprehensive title, perhaps, but that was what was wanted. +He became its first president, and inaugurated a splendid system of +banking--one very much needed to-day. Some of his plans embraced the +charging of "reverse interest "--_i.e._, five per cent. for the +responsibility of caring for the depositor's money. He had an act +passed compelling all of his subjects worth a thousand _piastres_ to +deposit in the royal bank, and they had to do it. If anybody failed on +him, the debtor had a tooth pulled every month till the debt was paid. +But somehow the snap was too soft, for it fell out that in a few years +Setee had all the money and there was no more to get nor any customers +to do business with, so he closed the bank and with great success +promoted the first Nile Irrigating Company, the remnants of which are +slowly working out their salvation to-day. + +Gooley also stated that the men were not the whole thing by any means: + +"Just think what a bird-of-paradise Queen Hatshepset was, and all the +history she made!" enthusiastically exclaimed my historical Boswell. +She was the daughter of King Thothmes I., who gave her a Pullman palace +car name; she was regarded as the Boadicea of the Orient. "Hattie" +built temples, fought battles, and was, in fact, found on the firing +line during most of her reign. Like most other ladies, she had her +personal idiosyncrasies: for instance, she wore men's clothes when not +engaged in court functions; she shaved twice a week, but let her beard +grow when on an extended campaign so as to give her all the appearance +of a warrior. Hattie made a famous expedition to a place called Punt, +and there she swindled the natives by exchanging the cheap dry-goods +she had with her for gold and rare jewels. She married her +half-brother, Thothmes II., and made it very hot for him during their +reign. She wore the "pants" in theory as well as in practice and was +the undisputed leader of the "four hundred" in Cairo, being the +headliner in the Levantine book of _Who's Who?_ Her greatest work was +the erection of the vast temple of Der-al-Bahari, part of it ornamented +in fine gold. Hattie smote her pocketbook for the count on this +structure--like as not she had to mortgage her Luxor villa to meet the +final pay-roll. Den Mut was her architect and he grew rich as the +buildings increased. He owned a centipede barge on the Nile, which was +the badge of big money in those days. + +[Illustration: RAM IN THE LIME-LIGHT, WITH THE INEVITABLE GOATEE. THE +ONLY WAY HE COULD TRIM IT WAS WITH A BLAST OF DYNAMITE] + +Gooley wasn't always a treasure; he frequently irritated me by +designating certain things as "cool-o-sall'." I said to him one day: + +"Gooley, when I was a boy they pronounced that word _colossal_." + +"Mr. Bayne, I don't care what they called it when you were a boy; I +call it cool-o-sall', and that goes on the Nile. What's been good +enough for King Edward you will have to put up with." + +The crowd laughed and I subsided--for awhile. Afterward I caught +Gooley on his dates, but he again called me down: + +"Mr. Bayne, if you think you can do this thing better than I can, why, +get up here and try it!" + +And so we rattled along from one gibe to another till we mounted our +donkeys, rode out from the temples and started for the steamer. As we +came away we passed Mr. Morgan, who had chosen the cool of the evening +for his visit, even though the light was not so good. + +There is an art in horse-racing known as the "hand ride," perfected by +Todd Sloan--_i.e._, swinging the hands from side to side and thus +rolling the bit to excite the animal. I tried it on my donkey and as +he had never experienced it before, it excited him so much that he +started out with a rush that threw me over his head before we had gone +ten yards. I was somewhat crestfallen, but remounted, and took "an +humbler flight" for the rest of the journey. + +[Illustration: OUR OWN NILE DONKEY, "BALLY-HOO-BEY." KNEW HIS BUSINESS +LIKE A BOOK, BUT OBJECTED TO THE TOD SLOAN RIDE (SPOKEN OF IN THE +TEXT)--A WILD WEST EFFORT IN THE FAR EAST. ALI BABA, JR., IN THE +SADDLE] + +Next day we started down the Nile, stopping at many places, but as they +did not compare in interest or importance with Luxor, Karnak or Thebes, +I shall not try to describe them. The season was closing, the river +had fallen six feet while we were coming down stream, and the Nile was +now so low that we frequently stuck on the shifting sand-bars. As the +pilots could not see the channels in the dark, we tied up at some town +on the banks every night and consequently made slow time. After dinner +the shopkeepers brought down their wares, spread sheets on the ground +and opened up for business by torchlight and the light furnished by the +steamer. The "Corks" were active buyers for home consumption, and +after a violent passage of arms usually got what they wanted at a +discount of ninety per cent. from the first offer. If there is +anything on earth that these towns did not bring down to us, I want to +see it!--from monkeys to tame snakes in the line of living things, and +from lion skins to mummies in the dead. The natives were not allowed +on board, and as there was great jostling on shore, the "Corks" stood +on the deck and the articles for sale were rolled in bundles and fired +at them for inspection, the owners giving the price in _piastres_ by +signs on their fingers. After a native made a sale, his fellows took +him by the throat and ran him to the back of the dock. He had been +successful and they would not allow him to compete again that evening. +Toward the end, some "Corks" would risk it and mix with the crowd on +shore, but their clothes were literally torn off them in a few moments, +which caused an immediate retreat. The natives were so excited and +each so persistent in his efforts to get more than his share of the +trade, that they frequently pushed one another into the Nile, wetting +themselves and their wares, much to the amusement of the onlookers. +But high above this rude brawling the scarab stood alone. When a fresh +bag of them was opened, a blight fell on all other wares. Bargaining +in them, indeed, was regarded as a kind of sacred function, as it was +believed we were dealing in the jewels and mascots of the deadest +people in all history. No greater investment could possibly be made +than to float a corporation and start a factory in Connecticut for +their manufacture and distribution, for it is but the few who may own +the genuine--there aren't enough to go round. None of the manufactured +product need be offered in America; they can all be absorbed on the +Nile. One man shouted with glee, as he waved a small bag of them in +the air: + +"What's the use of bothering with Steel common? See what I have got +for a five-dollar bill!" + +The sport ran high, and while it was active an Arab appeared on deck +with a basket. He approached me and said he had five sacred kittens +and some scarabs, and as he was not much of a salesman, a little short +in his English and out of funds, he wanted me to auction them off to +help him out. As I had done this kind of thing before, I accepted the +delicate position and in a short time had planted his stock in new and +responsible hands that would not be likely to throw it again on the +market in its present critical condition. He gave me his oriental +blessing and stole out softly into the night; his parents haven't seen +him since. + +Perhaps it may have been noticed that wherever we went there were +unusual doings and excitement. This is true, as, long before we +arrived anywhere, our coming was heralded in the papers, and as the +party was exceptionally large, all Southern Europe and North Africa +felt bound to get a whack at our pocketbooks. + +Two striking things may be seen on the Nile. One is the irrigation of +the land by hand: this is accomplished by lifting up the water in +buckets by means of poles balanced with a weight equal to that of the +water. This hard work is done by hundreds of thousands of natives, who +are practically naked and do this labor in the hot sun. The banks are +lined with them on each side for more than a thousand miles. When the +length of the Nile is reckoned from its extreme source, it is four +thousand and ninety-eight miles long, making it perhaps the longest +river in the world, although the Mississippi, the Amazon and the Congo +are about as long. Between Khartoum and the sea the Nile has six +cataracts, some of them very rapid. Dry up the Nile and Egypt would be +like the Desert of Sahara in a month; the river is its very heart's +blood and makes it everything it is. Labor is cheap on the Nile: the +men who hoist the irrigating water get only a few cents a day; a hotel +waiter gets a dollar a month, with board and lodging; and so it goes in +proportion. + +The other activity that arrests one's attention is the planting of +melon seeds in rows on the flat banks at low water. Later the river +overflows them and when the flood subsides the plants are well on the +way toward bearing. Our negroes call them "water-millions;" that name +would be most appropriate in Egypt. + +When Beni-Hassan was reached we made an early start and rode out on +donkeys to see the famous tombs hewn out of the living rock. As we +were returning we met Mr. Morgan and his party coming up the hill. A +sand-storm had blown up, and it was quite dark and very disagreeable. +I am sure he would have liked to be out of it, but he had his nerve and +poise with him and went through to the bitter end. We had started +while this same sandstorm was still in action; not being able to see +clearly, we ran into a flight of Nile freight boats, and in trying to +avoid sinking one of them got on a rock and it punched a large hole in +our steamer's bottom. We sank almost immediately, but as our keel was +near the river bed we had not far to go. It took twelve hours to pump +out the boat and patch the hole, during which time the Morgan +_dahabiyeh_ came up, but finding we were not in danger, passed on. +Later we went after them and took the lead, but lost it again in +shallow water. + +[Illustration: TEMPLE OF LUXOR ON THE NILE. "RAM" IS VERY MUCH IN +EVIDENCE, BUT ONLY A SMALL PART OF HIS SCULPTURAL OUTPUT IS SEEN, AS +THE STONE-CUTTERS' LIENS HAVE NOT YET BEEN SATISFIED] + +Next day we arrived at Cairo, and I found at Shepheard's an invitation +for dinner from De Cosson Bey, who controls and manages all the great +public utilities of Cairo. He married a Philadelphia belle who had +often visited at my house in New York, so we had a very pleasant +evening, rehearsing the scenes and experiences of _auld long syne_. +The evening was a social oasis in a strange land and quickly taught me +how they live and what they do in Cairo. My hostess spoke the language +like a native and managed her Arabic _menage_ with skill, _a plomb_ and +distinction. I ate and drank many strange concoctions never previously +included in any _menu_ I had ever had the pleasure of exhausting. I +did not dare to ask the names of the rare dishes, as I might not have +liked them if I had--sometimes one had better not "know it all," or +even a part of it. To be thoroughly happy in a case like this it is +best to leave minute details and even a general knowledge of such +things to the inquisitive. I had, however, sufficient curiosity to +speculate on the dishes, and have made a tentative _menu_ of them, +assuming the courses, from their color, flavor and general appearance, +to be as follows: + + --:--MENU--:-- + + NILE GREEN POINTS + A pearl in every oyster + + GUM(BO) ARABIC PUREE + _Siccative_ + + CROCODILE HARD-BOILED EGGS + Sauce _a la_ Queen Hat-shep-set + + BREAST OF THE ONE-LEGGED PINK STORK + Stuffed with Baby Sausages + + BROILED SCARABS ON BUTTERED TOAST + Sauce _de la Pyramide_ + + BRIE _de_ BAGDAD + Foil cases, Crimean vintage '34 + + BENI-HASSAN DATES + + ALLIGATOR PEARS + + CAFE _a la_ BWANA TUMBO + From the Wady Halfa bean + + Wine + SAMIAN FIZZ + + Music + By the "FLOWER BUDS OF CAIRO" + + Decorations + By the BEGUM MACCUDDYLEEKI, period of Akbar the Great + + +The De Cossons lived in the suburbs, about two miles out on the road to +the Pyramids, in a detached place without a street or a number, and +quite hard to find when the sun had set. My hostess had prepared an +elaborate map in two colors, red and blue, showing where I was to go +and what I was to do and say after crossing the great steel bridge that +spans the Nile. Armed with this formidable document, I went to the +noble bandit who controls the carriage service in front of Shepheard's, +and in a confidential whisper explained the map and the circumstances +to him, at the same time slipping into his extended, yawning paw a wad +of _bakshish_. I stipulated that I must have a driver who understood +at least some English. He made a great show of grasping the +intricacies of the map and the instructions that went with it, and +presently, with a wild gleam in his eye, as if he had found a sure way +to his "graft," he announced that he was ready and willing to take all +responsibility. He had an official, high-backed chair on the sidewalk +and asked me to use it till he returned. Then darting into the +darkness, he quickly found a man (who looked like the First Murderer in +_Macbeth_) on whom he could depend to rob me and divide the spoils with +him. Dressed in his flowing oriental robes as Cairo's most abandoned +criminal, he shook me warmly by the hand and whispered, as I stepped +into the carriage: + +"I have arranged everything." + +I had a sufficient glimmering of what was going on to meekly pipe to +him: + +"Yes, I haven't the slightest doubt of it." + +We started out at a brisk pace which soon relaxed into a funereal jog, +and went on and on through narrow, squalid streets till we reached the +Nile. Although I had given myself an extra hour for emergencies, I +became impatient and asked him: + +"But where is the big bridge with the bronze sphinxes on it that we are +to cross?" He sadly wailed in reply: + +"Ah, sahib, it ees so hard to find eet in the dark!" + +In a burst of sarcastic anger, I shouted at him: + +"Well, get off and light a match, and maybe you'll hit it by accident!" +Assuming with an innocent look that I had spoken seriously, he took me +at my word, jumped off his perch, lit a match and peered all round him. +Then I got "real" angry, and told him De Cosson Bey kept a professional +torture chamber, and that I would have him ground to sausage meat if he +trifled with me another moment. Well knowing the impotence of my "hot +air" blast, he simply smiled and took up his burthen of "finding" the +bridge. This he soon accomplished, as it was about as easy to find as +a saloon in the "Great White Way." The instructions accompanying the +map stated that the Maison Antonion was on the left of the Pyramid Road +after three crossroads had been passed. I began to look out for and +count the roads, so when we had crossed two and were approaching a +third I halted the Jehu and said: + +"This is the third road; turn down here." + +"No, sahib, eet is de private entrance to Hunter Pasha's palace, an' he +keep de mos' wicket dogs you ever see in awl yo' life." + +So on we went till I began to realize that the kidnapper was trying to +take me out to the Pyramids for a late dinner with the Sphinx. It was +clear moonlight and I saw an English lady walking along the road. I +tried to have the driver stop, but he pretended that he did not +understand me, so I jumped out and, profusely apologizing to the lady, +explained my emergency. She said: + +"Why, you are a mile past De Cosson Bey's place: there it is with the +flagstaff on the tower." + +Then she had a heart-to-heart talk in Arabic with my friend and we +returned briskly to the "third road." I halted the procession for a +settlement about fifty yards from the house, well knowing that trouble +was coming in pyramids, and feeling that I did not wish to assault the +ears of my hosts with the clash which was now inevitable and which +would undoubtedly contain a large percentage of language that could +hardly be called diplomatic. He demanded about ten times the regular +fare. I protested, but he explained that after sunset all fares were +double and charged by the hour, at that; and that when the Nile had +been crossed the driver had the privilege of fixing the fare according +to the circumstances. This vested right, he claimed, had not been +disputed since his ancestors had driven Napoleon out to the battle of +the Pyramids a century ago. I could not deny his statement as I had +not been among those present, but I reduced the settlement to a +compromise by threatening to spring on him the Hessian troops that De +Cosson Bey retained for such occasions. Then we drove up to the house +as genially as if we had been long parted relatives, and I supposed we +held the secrets of the passage of arms between ourselves. But I was +mistaken, for I noticed at dinner that my hosts smiled knowingly at +each other as if they had some amusing thought in common. When I could +stand this no longer I asked what they were laughing at. + +"Why, at your stopping so near the house for the usual stormy, cab-fare +settlement. Wise visitors always settle out on the Pyramid Road, so +they may regain their composure before alighting. We threw up the +windows and heard every word of the picturesque, verbal duel, and we +came to the conclusion when the flag fell that the oriental had had his +hands full throughout the entire entertainment." + +[Illustration: ANOTHER PART OF KARNAK; ONLY ONE MAN ON THE JOB, BUT HE +IS QUITE EQUAL TO ALL ITS REQUIREMENTS AND EMERGENCIES] + +I left next day by train for Alexandria, and I remember it was +thirty-five years ago that I started from that city for Port Said, +whence I took a steamer for India, passing through the Suez Canal, then +not long opened. Time flies, but the canal is still there, at the old +stand, doing a steady business with all the nations of the earth that +go down to the sea in great ships as daily customers. F. J. Haskin has +written an interesting and graphic description of this great work, +recently published in the New York _Globe_, in which he says: + + +"On the great breakwater at Port Said stands the bronze statue of +Ferdinand de Lesseps, his right hand extended in a gesture of +invitation to the mariners of all nations to take their ships through +the great canal which was the fruit of his genius and diplomacy. Not +one word is there to indicate that his fortune and good name lie buried +in the failure of another canal, half way round the world. + +"The romance of the Suez Canal is suggested by everything the visitor +sees at Port Said, the 'turnstile of the nations.' But the tragedy of +the canal, the terrible cost of life, the shameful waste of money, the +enslavement of the Egyptians in governmental and financial bondage, the +wreck of French hopes and aspirations--not one hint of all that tragedy +is discernible. Ferdinand de Lesseps, Ismail Pasha and the Egyptian +people gave civilization and commerce one of its greatest gifts in the +Suez Canal, but the cost to them was all they had--and they were never +repaid. + +"Every day in the year a dozen great ships make the procession through +the canal--the ninety miles of slow travelling which saves them the +cost of circumnavigating the great continent of Africa. They pay well +for it, and the owners of the canal shares wax fat. England controls +the canal, the construction of which John Bull attempted in every +manner to prevent. English ships bound from "home" to Bombay cut down +the distance from 10,860 miles to 4,620 miles by taking the canal +route, and the vast majority of ships which pay tolls to the canal +company fly the British flag. Germany comes second, a long way after; +Holland third, and the French, whose dreams of commercial empire cut +the ditch, are fourth. The United States has not been represented in +the canal in a decade by any commercial ship--only vessels of the navy +and yachts of the Yankee millionaires show the Stars and Stripes to the +Bedouins of the desert who bring their caravans from Mt. Sinai to the +canal." + + +MOST IMPORTANT OF CANALS + +"The tonnage of the Suez is not one-third as great as that of the Sault +Ste. Marie Canal in the Great Lakes, but its importance to the commerce +of the world is greater than that of any other passageway of the seas. +Wherever there is a strait or a narrow passage through which commerce +may go, there is sure to be a British flag flying, a British band +playing, and a red-coated Tommy Atkins strutting about with a swagger +stick. Suez is not an exception. + +"Fourteen centuries before Christ, nearly 3,500 years ago, the Pharaoh +Setee I., father of Rameses the Great, cut a canal fifty-seven miles +long from a branch of the Nile delta to the bitter lakes, which are now +part of the Suez Canal and which were then the northern extremity of +the Gulf of Suez. That connected the Mediterranean with the Red Sea, +and Egypt waxed great. But the nation decayed, and the sands of the +desert filled up the ditch. Eight hundred years later the Pharaoh +Necho undertook to dig the canal. More than a hundred thousand lives +were sacrificed to the project, but it was abandoned when a priest +predicted that its completion would cause Egypt to fall into the hands +of a foreign usurper. A hundred years after Necho, the Persian Darius +took up the work on the abandoned canal, but his engineers told him +that its completion would cause a deluge, and he desisted. About three +hundred years before Christ was born, Ptolemy Philadelphus constructed +a lock-and-dam canal through which ships made the journey from one of +the mouths of the Nile to the site of modern Suez. Continued wars +interrupted commerce, and the locks and dams fell into decay, so that +Cleopatra's navy was unable to escape to the Red Sea by canal. The +Roman engineers later patched up the canal so that their galleys made +their way from sea to sea; but when the Arabs came in A.D. 700 they +found it choked up. Amrou, the Arab, cleared it out, but it was soon +permitted to fill up again, and not until the great Napoleon reached +Egypt was the canal project again considered. Napoleon abandoned the +idea only because his engineers assured him that the level of the +Mediterranean was thirty feet below that of the Red Sea. He then +considered a lock-and-dam canal, but he evacuated Egypt before anything +came of it. Of course, all those ancient canals were very narrow and +shallow, and no boat now dignified with the business of carrying cargo +for profit could have entered any one of them." + + +MEHEMET ALI WAS WARY + +"Mehemet Ali, the great pasha who founded the present Egyptian +khedivate, was urged to attempt the canal project, but he was wary. At +last he pushed it aside, and listened to the Englishman, Robert +Stephenson--the father of the railroad. Under Stephenson's supervision +he built a railroad from Cairo to Suez, connecting with the line from +Cairo to Alexandria. This formed the "great overland route" to India, +and brought great trade and many rich tolls to the Egyptians. + +"The time came when Said Pasha ruled in Cairo. To him came Ferdinand +de Lesseps. Years before, while a clerk in the French consulate +general in Cairo, De Lesseps dreamed the dream of the great canal. He +was not an engineer, but he was a master diplomatist. He unfolded his +plans to Said, who loved France and all Frenchmen, and met with +encouragement. It was a magnificent scheme. The canal was not to cost +Egypt one cent, but was to pay fifteen per cent. of its receipts to the +Egyptian government, and at the expiration of ninety-nine years was to +become the absolute property of Egypt. On such terms the concession +was given to De Lesseps in 1856. + +"Then De Lesseps went forth to get the money. France had just come out +of the Crimean War and could not advance money for ventures. England +was opposed to a canal that would let anybody have a chance at India, +and the English government did everything possible to prevent the +Frenchman from obtaining funds. He failed in Europe, for he could not +get enough even for a survey of the canal. Nothing daunted, he went +back to Egypt and borrowed money enough from Said to survey the canal +and to exploit it through Europe. Then came much planning and more +concessions, and much stock jobbing; but by 1860 the French company was +again without money. Again the appeal was made to Said, and not +without avail; for he subscribed for more than one-third or the total +capital stock and promised to advance money for the construction +work--and all for a project that was not to cost Egypt anything. That +was the beginning of Egypt's bondage to the money lenders of Europe, +for Said had to borrow the money he gave to the canal." + + +ISMAIL PASHA WAS EASY + +"In 1863 the magnificently extravagant Ismail Pasha came to the throne +of Mehemet Ali. He burned with ambition to make himself the greatest +ruler in the world, and the canal was a darling of his heart. He was +the ready and willing victim of the loan sharks of Europe, and he would +sign anything in the way of an obligation if there was a little yellow +gold in sight. + +"Meanwhile the canal was progressing slowly. Ismail ordered the +Egyptian peasants to do the work under the ancient _corvee_ system. +Every three months 25,000 drafted fellaheen went to the big ditch to +dig. Every three months a miserable remnant of the preceding 25,000 +left the dead bodies of their comrades beneath the dump heaps. + +"The Suez Canal was dug for the most part by those poor creatures who +scooped up the sand and dirt with their bare hands and carried it up +the steep banks to the dumps in palm-leaf baskets of their own making. +Task masters with cruel whips of hippopotamus hide punished the sick +and the fainting, as well as the lazy. There were no sanitary +precautions, and the men died by the thousands. + +"This horrible condition of affairs aroused the indignation of John +Bull, who protested to the sultan. The sultan ordered the employment +of fellaheen labor to be stopped. Then De Lesseps and the canal ring +descended upon Ismail and held him responsible for damages. The case +was left to the arbitration of Napoleon III., who decided for the canal +ring, and Ismail was forced to pay a fine of nearly $10,000,000 because +his titular sovereign lord had ordered that Ismail's subjects should +not be murdered in the canal ditch. Each month a new obligation was +fastened upon suffering Egypt. Finally, when the canal was completed, +Ismail gave a great fete to celebrate its opening. Few festivals have +been so magnificent, none so extravagant. The celebration cost +$21,000,000. Verdi wrote the opera _Aida_ to order that Ismail might +give a box party one evening, and an opera house was built especially +for that purpose." + + +ENGLAND IN CONTROL + +"But Ismail had signed too many notes of hand. The day of reckoning +came. Ismail sold his canal shares to the English government, and by +their purchase Benjamin Disraeli gave the British empire dominion over +the traffic between the East and the West. It was a bold stroke, and +it brought to an end the commercial aspirations of the French of the +Second Empire. The canal company still has its chief offices in Paris, +its clerks speak French, and its tolls are charged in francs, but +otherwise it is English. + +"Ismail was dethroned and died in exile, his magnificence forgotten. +De Lesseps ventured on another canal project, was plunged into +disgrace, and died a mental wreck. Egypt, which once levied toll on +all the commerce passing between Orient and Occident, now watches the +trade ships pass by. The digging of the canal was the greatest blow +ever given to Egyptian commerce. But the losses of Ismail and De +Lesseps and Egypt make up the gain of the civilized world. + +"Opened just forty years ago, its importance has increased with every +year, and its revenues are expanding each month. It cost $100,000,000, +half of which was spent in bribes and excessive discounts. With modern +machinery, such as is being used at Panama, it could have been built +for one-quarter as much. As an engineering problem it is to the Panama +Canal as a boy's toy block house to a forty-story skyscraper. How it +will compare with Panama as an avenue of commerce is a question to +which Americans anxiously await the answer." + + +The jubilee of the Suez Canal, work on which commenced in 1859, took +place on April 25, 1909. When I passed through in 1874 its depth was +about twenty-six feet; the present depth is about thirty-two and a half +feet, and improvements are now going on which will bring it to +thirty-four feet. The original width was seventy-one feet on the +bottom, and this has been gradually increased until at present the +bottom width is ninety-seven and a half feet. In 1870 there passed +through the canal four hundred and eighty-six ships, whose gross +tonnage was 654,914. Last year 3,795 ships used the canal, and their +total tonnage was over 19,000,000. Truly this is one of the world's +greatest conveniences! + +[Illustration: PILLARS OF THOTHMES III., KARNAK, EGYPT, WITH TWO YOUNG +MEN ON THE LOOKOUT FOR BUSINESS. THEY ARE BOTH WORTHY OF EVERY +ENCOURAGEMENT] + +These reminiscences take me back again to Alexandria, as it was there +that an original seaboard bank was founded. Its first president was +Katchaskatchkan, a nephew of King Ram's. The old man saw to it that +all the "squeeze" from the corn crop money was deposited here and that +it held the margins on Joseph's grain corner. "Katch" broke his neck +by falling into the wheat pit, but the incident was soon forgotten in +the advancing prosperity of the bank. The place is in ruins, but we +saw the "paying teller's gun," which was a decorated club with spikes +on it; it lay unnoticed in a nook in the big amalgamated copper vault, +covered with papyrus books and records of the bank. Some of the old +past due notes on the shelves were still drawing interest and you could +hear it tick like the clanking cogs when a ferry boat makes her +landing. The writer fairly shudders at what the interest on those +notes would now amount to, computed at five per cent. (the prevailing +rate paid for call loans in that historic corner), remembering that the +interest on a penny compounded at this rate since the dawn of the +Christian era would now represent fourteen millions of globes of +eighteen-karat gold, each globe the size of our earth! We could not +help philosophizing on the change which had taken place in banking +principles and methods since those old days; and the whole inspection +was very interesting. + +[Illustration: OBELISK OF THOTHMES I AND QUEEN HAPSHEPSET XVIII +DYNASTY. TWO FINE OBELISKS IN THE TEMPLE OF KARNAK--A LITTLE +TOPSY-TURVY LOOKING AND VERY MUCH IN NEED OF REPAIRS] + +I am reluctant to leave Egypt without saying a word about the "teep," +as this land is the very home, the embodiment--the Gibraltar, so to +speak, of the wide-open palm for services rendered--or even when they +are not rendered. Egypt is not the only place, however, of which this +can be said; there are others. But no matter where the dear American +tourist lands he "gets it" both coming and going, and the "neck" is +usually the place where it first attracts his attention. It is not a +new thing, by any means, for the Greeks suffered more from it than we +ever have. They called it "gifts," and if a man didn't give, why, he +got nothing, just as he gets nothing to-day in "Del's" if he tries to +escape with a glad smile instead of the regulation tariff. Usually, as +we all know, the rough time is at the reckoning and the departure, if +you haven't done the handsome. The waiter, if he knows his business, +makes you feel your cheapness if you attempt to "do" him with an +affable "Good-night," instead of the real thing. The change is so +arranged for you that you may have a wide choice of coins, but if that +scheme misses fire, there are still left the overcoat and the hat. The +man who can pass through these ordeals with his nerve unfrayed and look +through the waiter as if he were a pane of glass, would never have +turned a hair if placed in front at the charge of Balaclava. I +remember writing a _menu_ card for a dinner once, and when I came to +the sweetbread course it was shown that if you hadn't a coin you must +still do something. Lucullus was waiting on the bank of the river Styx +for his turn on Charon's ferryboat, and of course, being a shade, he +had no money in his clothes; but this is what was said: + + When Lucullus got on Charon's skiff + He didn't have a cent; + So he handed out a sweetbread + And on the boat he went. + + +This was as straight a tip as was ever given to a waiter or at a +horse-race. There was nothing between Lucullus and the "bread line" +except his last sweetbread; yet as a gentleman he gave it up to the +ferryman rather than lose his poise when leaving the earth. + +But to return to the twentieth century, about four thousand years since +the incident just related occurred: we have a variety of names for the +same thing. It is _pour boire_ in France; _tip_ in England; _macaroni_ +"for the crew" in Italy; _sugar-cane_ "for the donkey" on the Nile; +_bakshish_ in Africa; "_bakshish_" the first word the traveler hears +when he gets there, "_bakshish_" the last when he is leaving. Why, +they say the Sphinx herself tears her hair and plaintively wails when +the sun has set, "_Bakshish! Bakshish!! Bakshish!!!_" And the only +reason she does not hold out her hands for it is that she hasn't any. + +[Illustration: THIS IS WHERE "RAM" FELL DOWN AND HAS NEVER SINCE BEEN +"LIFTED." IT TAKES _PIASTRES_ TO PUT SUCH A BIG MAN ON HIS FEET. +STONY MACADAM, PRESIDENT OF THE BAKSHISH TRUST & TIPPING COMPANY, WITH +HIS CASHIER AND ENTIRE BOARD OF DIRECTORS IN ATTENDANCE. IT'S A TOUGH +PROBLEM "STONY" CAN'T SOLVE IF THERE'S MONEY BEHIND IT] + +Sailing from Alexandria we headed for the Straits of Messina and +reached them the day following, taking a passing look at Etna and +Stromboli. Messina was not so badly damaged, we thought, as had been +reported, and it will undoubtedly be rebuilt. Then we steamed past +Capri and made fast to the wharf at Naples. + + + +ITALY + +NAPLES + +After strolling round Naples for a couple of days we took the train for +Rome. + +On one of these strolls I saw what seemed to me a curious funeral. There +were six horses with nodding plumes, hung with black robes, and driven in +three spans by a coachman who was a wonder in himself. He wore a hat +with an enormous yellow cockade; a purple coat; patent leather Hessian +boots, with tassels; green tights showing the shape of his fine calves +(of which he was evidently very proud), and on his whip he carried many +silk ribbon bows. "Beau Brummel" might have had a coachman like him--but +I doubt it. Through a pane of glass might have been seen, thoroughly +ornamented and painted for public inspection, the face of the principal +whom these proceedings interested no more. The hearse sported a forest +of plumes also, and behind it stalked six stalwart, high-class, +professional mourners, likewise in green tights and Tower-of-London hats, +all members of the Pallbearers' International Union (purple card), with +flowing beards and curling moustaches--probably the only men on earth +whom money causes to weep and pluck their beards in pretended sorrow when +in the throes of their commercial emotion. If paid enough money they do +not hesitate to use the onion freely to produce the real thing in tears. +Next followed a dozen of mere puling mutes, of no caste or distinction +whatever but that lent by a big brass badge on the breast of each. Then +came four rickety carriages of the Columbus era; they hadn't a soul in +them, but their cloth upholstered seats had been whitewashed with white +lead and showed by many cracks the risk any live human would take in +entering the vehicles. There were no relatives of the dead present--and +you could not blame them. The question arose, What is the meaning of it +all? It seemed as though they had consigned the man to the grave at the +least expense with no bother--a curious form of burial from our +standpoint; it was strictly professional. + + +ROME + +Rome has been so thoroughly exploited that perhaps the writing of a +layman on the subject would not interest the reader, so I shall not +attempt to go into details, for they would fill a very large book. Since +I last visited it the city had grown to be large, clean and prosperous, +under the careful and serious management of the king, whose business in +life seems to be the welfare of his people and the advancement of their +best interests. I met him and the queen at the Arch of Constantine; he +saluted, as he does to every one he meets when walking alone in the +suburbs of the city. + +The three things that I remembered with the greatest interest on leaving +Rome--and I still admire them most of all--were Caracalla's Baths, the +Coliseum and the Forum. Perhaps no purely secular work of man has ever +approached the Baths of Caracalla in sumptuous, artistic magnificence and +splendor. They were more than a mile long and a little less than that in +width. They consisted of three vast baths, marble lined, with rare +mosaic floors: one for cold water, one for tepid and a third for hot +water. There were dressing rooms, refectories, lounging gardens, schools +of art, a court for athletes, another court for gladiators. Highly +carved marble columns supported the roofs and the rarest statues stood in +niches. The bathing capacity was the largest ever planned. To sit there +alone and people it, as when it was at its best, with all the glory of +the emperor, the court ladies, the vestal virgins, senators, warriors, +artists, men of letters and the rest, is a treat to the imagination that +cannot be realized on any other spot. + +[Illustration: THE ARCH OF CONSTANTINE, ROME--ONE OF THE FINEST EXTANT. +THE EMPEROR THOUGHT IT ALL OUT AND PLANNED IT TO ASTONISH POSTERITY, AND +INCIDENTALLY TO RECORD HIS OWN GREATNESS] + +The Coliseum is the largest amphitheatre ever built: it is more than a +third of a mile in circumference; it had seats for fifty thousand and +standing room for thousands more. The arena was two hundred and +seventy-three by one hundred and twenty feet. Beneath it were the dens +for lions, tigers, bears and bulls, with rooms for the gladiators and the +human victims. It was opened by Titus with a festival lasting over three +months in 80 A.D., and five thousand wild animals were killed during the +festivities. It was the place where the Christian martyrs met their +deaths under the persecuting emperors. The imagination runs riot while +trying to picture the tragic scenes that took place within its walls in +the presence of multitudes. It had a "bad eminence" all its own. + +The Forum was in the early days the very heart of Rome, and all that was +great in it. It contained over sixty temples, public buildings, tombs, +triumphal arches, columns and great statues. Here Cicero and other +orators spoke to the people, and famous teachers made it their resort; +its name represented the thought and refinement of the age of which it +was the glory. + +When I was in Rome I happened to be domiciled in a bedroom that had a +connecting door with another room of the same size. This door was of +course locked, the other room being occupied by an Italian. We had to +make a flying start for Naples at 5 A.M., and I got up at 4, in order to +shave, dress and breakfast in time to catch the train. I opened the +proceedings by starting to strop my razor on a big leather strop; the +door being quite flimsy, my Italian neighbor heard me distinctly, and as +he was trying to fall asleep he became very angry, jumped out of bed and +protested in loud and profane language. I paid no attention to his +protest and then he rang his bell long and violently. As I wanted to +make a respectable appearance at breakfast, I kept on stropping +diligently. This added to his indignation, and when the chambermaid +entered his den in response to the bell, he ordered her to go into my +room and stop the noise. She rushed toward me and intimated that the +gentleman was at the point of death--that he might die at any moment from +heart disease, unless he were permitted to sleep. I felt that a guest +had a right to shave in his own room, therefore I did not desist. My +irate neighbor then jumped out of bed and in his _pajamas_ ran downstairs +and brought up the manager, the cashier, the porter and a hall-boy. When +I opened my door the deputation implored me to cease stropping and start +shaving at once, and thus restore peace to the strained situation. I +explained that I was hurrying to the train and that this would be the +last of me; at which the Count rushed forward and grasping my hand, +exclaimed: + +"Pardon, signor! shave all you like and do it now, but don't, for +heaven's sake, miss the train on any account, for if you commence that +horrible slapping again I shall make my way to the nearest mad house!" + +When the cause of the disturbance had ceased, he soon fell asleep, and +when I began to lather my face he was artistically playing a "_fluto_" +obligate with his nose. At this I began to knock on the door, and he at +once called out: + +"What now? What you want?" + +"I want you to stop snoring or I'll alarm the house and have you +expelled." + +"Ah, you get even with me, you do! I catch the leetle joke. What will +you haf to drink, signor? the wine is on me." + +We left Rome and went by train to-- + + +POMPEII + +On a former visit to Pompeii I thought it a grand place, but after all, +when the traveller has seen the best, it is ordinary and commonplace. It +was a town of only about 30,000 people and almost all of them escaped, so +no particular distinction belongs to it in any respect. + +We continued on to Naples, and on the following morning took a local +steamer for Sorrento. We had a look at Vesuvius, which was quiet and +somewhat depressed--as it had lost six hundred feet of its cone at the +last eruption. + + +SORRENTO + +Landing at Sorrento we took a thirty-mile carriage drive along the +precipitous coast, resting and lunching in a convent at Amalfi, perched +high up on the hillside whither we had to climb. Then another drive to +the train, which landed us back in Naples in the early hours of the +morning. + + +MONTE CARLO + +Again we embarked on the _Cork_, and landed at Villefranche. Next day we +drove through Nice and on to Monte Carlo, where we witnessed the motor +boat races. After dining at the _Hotel de l'Hermitage_, we visited the +temple of chance with its twenty-five tables, devoted to a variety of +games. It was all a distinct disappointment. The much vaunted +decorations on the walls of the rooms were polychromatic but +uninteresting--attempts at classic decoration such as an Italian +sign-painter could easily equal when working for his board. The building +itself was overdone in elaboration, and represented French architecture +in the era when it had "broken loose." The grounds, however, were fine +and the flower display the finest to be found anywhere. The players, men +and women, were a debased crowd, of all nationalities. Sordid greed had +eaten into their faces and there was no delight for them in anything +except in grabbing the gold the turn of the wheel gave them--and it +didn't give them much in return for what they staked. The games are +"square." There is no cheating other than the well understood +"percentage" in favor of the bank, but they are played so quickly that +the player's capital is turned over thousands of times in a week, and as +each turn means on the average a loss to him of the "percentage," the +money does not last long. Some gamblers plunge for large sums for a +short time, and are lucky enough to "break the bank at Monte Carlo;" but +they return and give it all back to the prince with interest. All he +asks of them is that they shall keep on playing at his game. The visitor +wonders most at the dexterity with which the money of all varieties is +raked, tossed and flung about the board by the croupiers, with apparently +the utmost recklessness and without mistakes. They have spent their +lives at it and know it the way Paderewski knows his keyboard. Three men +are employed at each table to follow all the betting, and they watch like +hawks every one playing. So perfectly is the whole thing done that never +a word is spoken; it's all action--simply the placing of the coin on the +spot. Most of the players have systems they follow, and prick their +cards at each play. Hundreds of others who have no money follow their +systems, just to see whether they would have won if they had had anything +to risk. + +[Illustration: THE FORUM, ROME'S GREATEST HISTORICAL CLUB, WHERE EVERY +MAN HAD A HEARING IF HE HAD ANYTHING TO SAY. SOME GREAT THINGS WERE SAID +THERE AND THOUGHTS COINED WHICH ARE PASSING CURRENT AS OUR OWN TO-DAY] + +We had a charming, moonlight drive back to Villefranche along the shores +of the Mediterranean, where the _Cork_ lay awaiting us, and when all were +aboard we steamed out through the Straits of Gibraltar to Liverpool. + + +LIVERPOOL + +It was a general holiday at the time in that city, and I lounged about +the streets, looking at the crowds of people. The "Pembroke Social +Reform League" was holding a mass meeting at the foot of Wellington's +monument in St. George's Square to protest against the Government's +building eight _Dreadnaughts_ at a cost of 14,000,000 pounds. The crowd +was all composed of working men and was most orderly; the speakers were +clever and moderate in their attitude. I became interested, and edged up +to the foot of the steps in order to hear what was said. The meeting had +lasted about an hour, when one speaker in finishing, remarked: + +"I see an American here: will not the gentleman step up and tell us how +America feels about these things?" + +I was immediately threatened with heart disease and protested, but before +I knew what I was about a couple of them had pulled me up on the steps +and I was really "up against it," so I had to say something or beat an +ignominious retreat. I have always been in full sympathy with +disarmament and the reduction of naval fleets, so I told them I had just +returned from Spain, Italy and Turkey, and had there seen the armies +drilling and the idle navies anchored in the ports, for the most part at +the expense of the poor people, many of whom had neither food nor decent +clothing. At this point a young man called out: + +"We are Englishmen--we want no Yankees here!" + +I replied: + +"Young man, you have made a bad start: I was born less than three hundred +miles from where I stand, and I visited this square many times before you +were born." + +This statement was received with applause and I was allowed to finish +what little I had to say in peace. The meeting adjourned after +unanimously passing a resolution protesting against the _Dreadnaughts_. +Meetings of this character were held continuously all day. + +[Illustration: THE BATHS OF CARACALLA, ROME, WHERE THE ROMANS HAD THE +BEST TIMES OF THEIR LIVES AND WERE ALWAYS IN THE PICTURE WHILE IT LASTED] + +Then we took a new steamer to New York, and the cruise of the _Cork_ was +a thing of the past. + +Retrospectively I might add that we suffered from a kind of artistic and +historical dyspepsia, brought about by our inability to digest the +immensity of the things we had seen and their variety. After leaving +Madeira the stopping places came so fast that our sightseeing was indeed +hard work, each new place blotting out the one that had preceded it. +Undoubtedly we would after a while remember the scenes and places +visited, and we would surely do so if we read the standard writers on +these subjects. + +Of the management it may be said that it had a Herculean task to perform, +and its work was well done. If the amount of detail it had to face and +arrange had been placed in less skilful hands or neglected, it would have +been fatal to our comfort and progress. + +My companions were on the whole a bright, alert and sympathetic company. +Here and there, of course, there was some friction; human nature, under +the strain put upon it by the length of the cruise and the number of +people, could not be expected by the most exacting critic to behave +better. The unimportant differences of opinion and misunderstandings +that arose under trying circumstances will fade with the years as they +fly by, and leave only bright, pleasant, interesting memories of all the +wonderful things it was our privilege to see on this remarkable trip. + +I offer a humble apology for the slang I have used in these pages, but it +has seemed almost impossible to describe the scenes in connection with +Jerusalem and Cairo without it--in fact, I couldn't help it! + +I regret exceedingly that the anonymous character of this little effort +will not permit me to mention the names of many men and women who, by +their good-fellowship, sincerity and helpfulness, assisted one another to +pass the time and make things "go," when sometimes the going was far from +good. + +If in any of these lines I have given offence I hope to be pardoned, as +none is intended. Every one knows that a succession of compliments and +eulogies makes uninteresting reading, therefore I feel sure of being +thoroughly understood; and further, I should like to add that I believe +the formula, "I move we adjourn," will be appreciated by the patient and, +I hope, forgiving reader. At this stage of the proceedings the aeroplane +must be lowered to kiss the dew and so glide into its hangar, regrets +being current that we had not the pleasure of Messrs. Cook and Peary's +company as passengers. + +THE AUTHOR. + + + + +THE END + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's A Fantasy of Mediterranean Travel, by S. G. 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