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diff --git a/23230.txt b/23230.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..016a212 --- /dev/null +++ b/23230.txt @@ -0,0 +1,1289 @@ +The Project Gutenberg eBook, Boys, by Anonymous + + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + + + + +Title: Boys + their Work and Influence + + +Author: Anonymous + + + +Release Date: October 28, 2007 [eBook #23230] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-646-US (US-ASCII) + + +***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK BOYS*** + + + + +Transcribed from the Skeffington & Son tenth edition by David Price, +email ccx074@pglaf.org + + + + + +BOYS: +THEIR WORK AND INFLUENCE. + + +_Tenth Edition_. + +LONDON: +SKEFFINGTON & SON, PICCADILLY, W. +PUBLISHERS TO H.M. THE QUEEN AND TO H.R.H. THE PRINCE OF WALES. + +_By the same Author_, 9_d._, _elegant cloth_, +10_th_ _Edition_. + + + + +GIRLS: +THEIR WORK AND INFLUENCE. + + +NEW BOOK by the same Author. 3rd Edition. Elegant cloth, price 1s. 6d., +by post 1s. 8d. + +HE THAT SERVETH: Counsel and Help for Workers; being Short Readings, +etc., specially, but not solely, adapted for Domestic and other Servants, +etc., Including most of the CHURCH SEASONS; on various DUTIES, FAULTS, +TEMPTATIONS, etc.; CONFIRMATION, HOLY COMMUNION, etc. The Publishers +believe this little book will be most useful in meeting a very felt want. + + + + +INTRODUCTION + + +The following papers were written at the request of one who had read the +somewhat similar papers addressed to girls. The object aimed at in both +books has been to try and help Boys and Girls of the so-called working +classes to recognize their duties to God and their neighbour, and to use +on the side of right the powers and opportunities which God has given +them. + +It seems to the author that advice given to the so-called lower orders, +often partakes too much of patronage, and too little of the brotherhood, +that should be a sign of Christians. "Do as you are told and be +thankful," is too much the tone of the advice, instead of explaining +duties, pointing out opportunities, and recognizing them as +fellow-labourers in the great work. + +In God's household everyone has his place assigned to him by the master, +some to govern, and some to serve, but still all are fellow-servants of +that one Master, and brethren in Christ. + + + + +BOYS. + + +What a curious fellow a boy is. I wonder if boys ever think about +themselves. A young monkey is full of mischief, a young puppy is full of +play, a young kitten is always ready for fun, but a boy seems to combine +the qualities of all three, and to have a stock of his own to jumble up +with them. A boy has so many sides, not only an outside and an inside; +he is a many sided being. See him at one time and you would hardly +suppose him to be the same creature that you had seen a little while +before. Now he is a bright nice spoken lad, in a few moments he is a +bullying tyrant, now he is courteously answering those who speak to him, +now words come from his lips that shock the hearer. Now he would scorn +to have his word doubted by a comrade, now he does not hesitate to lie to +escape punishment. Now fearless, now a coward, now full of spirits, now +in the depths of woe--sunshine or joy, wind and calm, silence and tumult, +all seem to have their place, and to make up that incomprehensible and +yet delightful animal a boy. + +Now boys, I want you to think of yourselves--not to think how good or how +bad you are--what fine fellows you are, and what important persons, but +what you are capable of becoming. You will not remain boys always--you +are now, in the midst of all your oddities, forming your character, and +shaping your future course, drawing out of the midst of all your +contradictions the character that will make you honest God-fearing men, +like in your degree to the perfect pattern of manhood which God has set +before us in Christ--or you are letting yourselves be moulded into the +selfish sensual being, which too often degrades the name of man. + +Thinking, I know, is not much in your line at present, but you will +perhaps spare me a few minutes, and give me a little of your attention +while I try to point out to you the way in which you may, if you will, +turn your powers to account, and avoid the dangers which have been the +shipwreck of many a lad's bright prospects. + + + + +HOME AND SCHOOL + + +I shall take it for granted that you care for your parents and home, or +at any rate that you would like to have a comfortable home. Well, then, +make it so yourself. You can do a great deal towards it. Honour and +obedience is your first duty towards your parents. There is nothing +manly in disobedience. Honour and obey, readily and cheerfully. Not +simply obedient to father because he might thrash you; and disobedient to +mother because she cannot compel you. No, the truest honour in a boy is +when mother can thoroughly trust him--trust him to obey her because she +is mother. + +Brothers and sisters are often a trouble. "How those children do nag?" +"Never can leave those boys together." "He's sure to teaze her if I +leave them alone." Don't be a bully either to your brothers or sisters. +Don't be selfish and claim all you can for yourself. Share and share +alike should be the rule, and gentleness towards the girls and little +ones. + +School will help to take the nonsense out of you; you cannot have it all +your own way there. Boys will be boys, is a very common expression, and +it would be very funny indeed if boys did not turn out to be boys, but +that is no reason that boys should be rude or cruel, and in fact "little +cubs." Quarrels there will be sometimes--very often for no real reason, +sometimes for a good cause. If you have one fight it out then and there, +and bear no malice afterwards. I would rather see a fair fight and have +done with it, than keeping up a nasty quarrel, and trying to spite one +another in little mean ways. There is too often a want of real honour +amongst boys. Telling tales of one another seems to be the fashion, and +the favourite way of paying off old scores. There are of course times +when a boy must speak out against wrong, even at the risk of being +counted a sneak, but, as a rule, boys who delight in telling tales, and +who have not the sense of honour to stick by one another are a very poor +lot. + +Do your school work thoroughly. Idleness is not only wrong but foolish. +There is a time for work and a time for play. Learn as much as you can +and learn thoroughly if you want to be of any use in after life. A boy's +religion is not a thing that shows very much on the surface, or that he +is very likely to talk much about, but it must be in him if he is any +worth. + +Boys and girls alike should learn from their mother to say their prayers +night and morning, and when they become too old, or mother too busy for +them to say them at her knee, they should never omit to say them by +themselves. I heard the other day of a rough labouring man, who on his +death bed sent for the priest of his parish. He said he had never been +inside a Church since he had been a man. He had done his work honestly, +and lived steadily, but had altogether got out of the way of going to +Church. There was one thing, however, that he had always done. Long +years ago, as a lad, he had promised his mother never to get up in the +morning or go to bed at night without saying his prayers. This promise +he had kept faithfully. Night and morning that rough strong man had +knelt and said the same prayers which he had first learnt at his mother's +knees. Those prayers had been heard and had brought their blessing to +him. Church going on Sunday is as important as daily prayers. A Sunday +morning should never be allowed to pass without seeing you at Church. Lie +a bed on Sunday morning is the devil's version of the fourth commandment. +There is plenty of time on Sunday for Church as well as for walks and +talks. Sunday is not to be a miserable day, or all Church and prayers, +but God first and then ourselves. Sunday school you will most likely be +sent to as long as you go to day school, and you will be wise not to give +it up as soon as you are what you would call your own master. + +Both home and school ought to have their pleasures as well as their work. +Do your work thoroughly, and do your pleasures thoroughly also. Share +your pleasures with the others, and with father and mother. You can give +much pleasure to father and mother, as well as to yourselves, if you try. + +Love God and love your home--be obedient, truthful, and plucky--standing +up for the right, and not ashamed to refuse to join in the wrong; and +your home and school days will train you well for your work in life. + + + + +GOING TO WORK + + +What are you going to be? is a question that has to be settled very early +in life--earlier amongst the so-called working classes than any other. It +must be settled at about thirteen years old. Fortunately for you it is +not whether you shall do anything for your living or not, but in what way +you shall earn your living. Some people seem to look upon work as if it +were a degrading thing, and only to be used until they can afford to live +without it. Life is not worth calling life that is not downright honest +work, and a man is hardly a man at all who is not a working man--working +either with his hands or his brain, or both. + +In determining what your calling in life shall be you must consider two +things, 1st. Whether the calling you wish to follow is an honest and +lawful one. 2nd. Whether you are fitted for it. + +If you can say yes to both these questions, then, provided your parents +approve, follow out your natural inclination. A lad is far more likely +to succeed in life if his heart is in his work, than if he has to work +against the grain. On the other hand, you will never deserve success if +you go against your parents' wishes. If they see reasons against the +particular calling you wish for, (and perhaps are really fitted for), +your duty is to follow their wishes, and bide your time. If your +inclinations really point to that to which God calls you, He will show +you the right way to it in His time, and your obedience to your parents +will not have been wasted time. + +There are certain occupations which are not honourable, but by which men +gain a living, which are not to be considered for a moment, as _e.g._, +gambling and betting. There are certain for which you would not be +fitted by education or ability. Whatever calling you choose seek God and +His righteousness first, _i.e._, choose that which will make you fit for +the next world as well as that which will make you comfortable here. +Honest work thoroughly done here will be no bad passport for another +world. When you have once chosen your calling stick to it, carry it out +thoroughly, and with a determination to get on. Never be in a hurry to +change, and never do so without a good reason. Never rest satisfied that +you have done enough, or think that you cannot do better. It is told of +a celebrated sculptor, that he said, "I shall fail in my next effort, for +I am satisfied with this." + +Aim high and do your best. Every shop-boy may not become a Lord Mayor, +but every one who aims at getting to the top of the tree, and goes +steadily at it, will find himself at last a good way from the ground. + +Now supposing you have made your choice and started in work you will find +a great difference between this and school life. You will mix with elder +people and a different set; you will have more freedom, and possibly a +little more money. + +Don't think you are a man all at once, because you are nothing of the +sort, and nothing makes a lad look more ridiculous than to see him trying +to be a man before his time. You know the story of the toad and the ox. + +You have much to learn yet. Stick to classes and learn all that you can. +Sunday classes as well as night classes. There is nothing manly in +giving up religious duties; quite the contrary, it is cowardly. Do your +work honestly and thoroughly, even though it be the custom to do +otherwise. Boys are pretty sure to have some hobby of their own, and a +very good thing too. A boy is all the better for a hobby, even if he +takes it up and drops it again. It is a good thing for a lad to have +some private interest of his own. If therefore your hobby is not +anything harmful follow it out with a will. + + + + +RELIGION. + + +I had some doubts about the heading of this chapter: Religion ought not +to be a separate thing from daily life, and, therefore, all remarks on +the subject ought to come under one or other of the chapters which treat +of the different duties of life. There are, however, certain definite +religious duties which may perhaps be spoken of more clearly in a +separate chapter. I would ask you always to bear in mind that no +religious duties are of much value that are not a regular part of our +daily life, and that there is no line to be drawn between natural and +religious duties. "Whether, therefore, ye eat or drink, or whatsoever ye +do, do all to the Glory of God." + +_Prayer_, private and public. What I have said in a former paper holds +good now. No boy can safely neglect his morning and evening prayers and +his public worship on Sundays. Prayer should include daily +self-examination: no one can get on in the world unless he looks after +his own affairs, and reckons from time to time how he stands. So with +our daily life--we should try it day by day, and see if we are keeping +straight. Each night we should look back over the day, see what has been +wrong, what imperfect--seek pardon for the wrong, and determine, by God's +help, to amend it. + +_Public Worship_ once a Sunday, _i.e._ in the morning, is the duty of +every Christian: whether we go oftener is a matter of choice, but less we +cannot do without failing in our duty. Attendance at the full morning +service, _i.e._ the celebration of the Holy Communion, is the prayer-book +rule, whether we observe it or not. + +_Regular Communion_ is absolutely necessary. How frequently it is +advisable to come must depend upon circumstances, but speaking generally +I should say, in the words of one whose opinion carries great weight, +that "monthly Communions are the very fewest which anyone seeking to +serve God devoutly can make." + +I have taken it for granted that you have been confirmed, which will +probably have taken place about the time of leaving school. Confirmation +ought to make a marked change in your life. Firstly, because you are +more directly responsible for yourself, and, secondly, because it brings +you into closer relation, for a time at least, with your clergyman. +Before your first communion the prayer book speaks to you very distinctly +about personal advice and intercourse with your parish priest. Neither +your first or any subsequent communions are to be made unless you are +satisfied as to your own fitness to come to it. If you are in doubt you +are advised to go to God's minister, lay before him those sins that make +you afraid or doubtful of coming, and seek his advice. This is not +pleasant, but it is useful. Many people speak against it, but it is +Christ's appointed way. If you feel that this will help you, go as often +as you need, and do not be stopped by any foolish remarks of people who +do not understand it, or by any thought of its being a weak and unmanly +thing to do. It requires courage, perseverance, and a true estimate of +oneself to do it, and these are not generally considered unmanly +qualities. Some of the best men, some of the bravest soldiers, have not +been ashamed of using this means of grace. Knights of old were +accustomed to confess before they went into battle. Read the life of +Henry V. of England. He was no milksop, or, as people would say now-a- +days, priest-ridden king, but he did not look upon it as an unmanly +thing. You are free to choose, or free to refuse it; only pray to be +guided aright by God's Holy Spirit to do that which shall be most to His +glory and your soul's good. + +_Almsgiving_. Whatever money you have of your own some portion--a tenth, +if possible,--should be given to God in some way or other. + +_Bringing others to God_. We must not be selfish in our religion--if God +has made known the truth to us we must do our best that others may share +it also. You can do much in a quiet way, not only by example: you can +get a word in where others have not a chance. Many a youngster would +gladly keep from wrong, and go on steadily, if he had only someone to +stand by him. It is not enough to be good, we must do good, and never +laugh at another for his religion. Many years ago a thorough change was +worked in a school by the courage of one little boy. He came fresh from +home, where he had been accustomed to say his prayers. He knelt down in +a school dormitory, as he had been used to do at home, by his bedside. +There was a sudden silence, the boys were astonished. Then some began to +bully and try and stop him; others stood up for him. But the battle was +won. The better minded boys saw what cowards they had been to give up +what they knew was right for fear of chaff--one by one they gradually +followed his example, and before that lad left school it was the rule and +not the exception for the boys to say their prayers. + +_Fasting_. People understand feasts and are ready enough to keep them, +but fasting is quite another matter. Feasts should be kept, and the more +the great festivals are recognized the better. Fasting, however, is +quite as necessary. Appointed times in which to remember more +particularly Christ's suffering for us, to deny ourselves lawful +pleasures, and to make us think more of our sins and how to conquer them. +They keep us from getting careless, and letting our religion become a +sort of Sunday clothes, to be put on at certain times, but to have no +real effect upon our daily life. + +One thing more. God has given you brains and the power to use them. You +are bound then to try and learn about God, and the duty you owe to Him. +Every year you ought to advance in knowledge, and not be content with the +little you were taught as a child. Read your Bible--think it out for +yourself--pray for understanding, and study such books as will help you +to a better knowledge of it. + + + + +COURAGE. + + +Boys and men are great cowards. There is hardly any accusation that an +Englishman or boy resents so much as to be called a coward. Still I +venture to make the accusation, and will try and make good my words. I +do not mean that you are cowards in the sense of being afraid to attempt +any act of daring. You have pluck enough to tackle a fellow half as big +again as yourself, pluck enough to endure pain without a word, pluck +enough to risk your life to save another, but too often you have not +pluck enough to say no, or to brave a laugh. That is what I mean by +saying that men and boys are cowards. You will let the worst fellow of +the lot be the leader and give the tone to conversation because you have +not the pluck to say boldly that it is wrong, and that you will not join +in it. This want of moral courage makes a lad give up little by little +his hold on what is right. Sunday school, Church-going, prayers given up +because Jem chaffs so about them. If he chooses to neglect them that is +his look out. You have as much right to your opinion as he has to his. +Why should you let him show more courage in doing wrong than you in doing +right. Are you afraid of him? No. Well then, stick to your duty. + +I said just now that going to work throws you in with a different set of +companions. Here, specially, comes the test of your courage. Are you +going to follow bad leaders, or have you the courage of your own +opinions. There is one particular subject where courage is most needed, +and where it most often fails. A young lad naturally wants to seem to be +manly--has a sort of feeling that he would like to show that he is not +just a little boy and bound to do as he is told. He is tempted to show +his manliness by neglect of home commands, rough and rude manners, bad +language and bad talk. I have remarked before how home obedience and +true manliness go together; here I want to speak more particularly about +bad language and bad talking, and the evil it leads to. S. Paul speaks +about it very plainly when he says, speaking of the things that should +not be named amongst Christians, "neither filthiness nor foolish talking +nor jesting, which are not convenient." Now, boys, all indecent words +and conversations are wrong--they are sinful, unmanly, degrading. I know +you cannot help hearing much that is wrong. Shame, be it said, to the +men of England--yes, men who talk of advancement and freedom, men who are +fathers of families, that they too often make or allow the talk of the +workshop to be such that no boy can work there without hearing words and +jokes which are not fit, I do not say for Christians to hear, but not fit +to be spoken. Hearing words of evil you often cannot help. To join in +them you can and must refuse, and unless you do so refuse you are a +coward and false to your profession. I do not speak here of actual deeds +of sin--no one can do or join in an impure deed without knowing that he +is sinning, but many think that there is no great harm in listening to +and laughing at what others say. Be warned in time, it is but a very +little step from laughing at to joining in bad conversation, and a very +small step from words to action. The same want of courage that joins in +the laugh will make it difficult to say no when tempted further. Never, +with companions of your own sex, and still more with those of the +opposite sex, let any corrupt communications proceed out of your mouth. +If it is necessary for you to speak upon such subjects ask advice of +those older than yourself, and not of companions of your own age. You +know lads that you love your mother and care for your sisters. You would +be furious if anyone spoke to or of them as you sometimes hear women +spoken of. What would be an insult to them is an insult to any woman. +Stand up for the honour and respect due to others as you would for your +own mother or sister. You would not talk like that before your mother. +Make it a rule never to do or say anything that you would be ashamed to +say in her presence, or in the presence of anyone you respect. Courage +is what you want here and plenty of it, but if you will only make a stand +for the right, strength, not your own, will be given you. I can tell you +of one who did so try and do the same. Bishop Pattison, who died some +years ago, when he was fearlessly doing his duty in the islands of the +Pacific, was, once a boy, face to face with this difficulty. He was in +the cricket eleven of his school--a good player and very fond of the +game. It had become the custom at cricket suppers for bad talk to be +indulged in. Pattison one evening rose up at the table and said, "If +this conversation is to be allowed I must leave the eleven. I cannot +share in this conversation--if you determine to continue it I shall have +no choice but to go." They did not want to lose him, and the foul +conversation was stopped. + + + + +MONEY. + + +The love of money is the root of all evil. Nevertheless, money in a +civilized country is a necessity. How to make it is one of the great +questions, and how to spend it aright is one of the great difficulties. + +Money is power. It is power, if we use it aright, it overpowers us if we +use it badly or even carelessly. It is a great mistake to want to make +your money too quickly, and a still greater mistake to think that you are +likely to do so. Money that is the result of honest labour will, if +rightly used, be a blessing to you and yours. + +1st. How to make it. By honest labour, honestly done. You have chosen +your trade or occupation--let your money be honestly earned therein, and +look more to the quality of your work than to the quantity of your money. +You have a right when you have learnt your trade to a fair day's wage for +a fair day's work, but be sure that the word fair governs both the work +and the wage--the fair work must be done before the fair wage can be +rightly claimed. There is far too much scamping work in the present day, +working simply for money and not for any interest in the work itself. +Money should not be a man's test of success, but the perfectness of his +work. Men used once to work for love of their art, and so long as the +picture was painted or the sculpture wrought, they cared little for the +money they were to gain by it, or the hardship of their lives, but now +men paint for what the public will pay for, and write and work not from +their hearts but for their pockets. And with high and low, not success +but money is the moving power--not how can I can make it more perfect, +but what can I get for it. A man who will leave a piece of work, or a +clerk who will leave a few minutes writing only because the clock has +struck the hour, is little better than a money-making machine. Work done +in such a spirit did not give us men like Wren or Stephenson. Read their +lives and you will see what I mean. If your work is thoroughly and +honestly done, you have a right to your own price for it, if you can find +a purchaser. You have a right to sell your labour at your own price, but +the master has an equal right to buy or to refuse. Combinations and +unions of working men are perfectly right, if they unite for their own +advantage, and for protection against oppression, and strikes may, though +in very rare cases, be a painful necessity. It must be borne in mind +that there can be no fixed standard of wages. Wages must vary with the +state of the markets. Men must be ready to accept lower wages when trade +is dull, they must bear their share of the depression as well as the +masters, and the true principle is for men and masters, or if you like +the expression better, capital and labour to go hand in hand. The +success or ruin of the one is the success or ruin of the other. There +are of course cases of grasping masters who will endeavour to grind their +workmen, and there are cases of worthless and obstinate workmen, who look +only to themselves and the present moment, but both ought to be and might +be very rare exceptions, if the good and true men on both sides would +come to the front. + +2nd. How to spend the money. Remember that you are God's steward, and +will have to account for the use of this bounty. Give your tithe to God +first. The tenth part of your profits, whether reckoned weekly or +yearly, should be given to God in some way or other, and those who do it +will find themselves blessed in earthly things, whilst they are laying up +a treasure in heaven. God's tithe paid, how is the rest of your income +to be spent? 1st. Necessary expenses, _i.e._, food, clothing, &c. 2nd. +Useful expenditure, _i.e._, learning, books, &c. 3rd. Recreation and +minor luxuries. + +Pay your way as you go, and never run into debt. Debt is next door +neighbour to theft. Two things I would impress upon you, first, that +where the need is you should repay your parents care by helping them. +England is disgraced by the number of old people who are left to the care +of the parish by children who ought to be thankful to be allowed to +support them. Secondly, that it is your duty to make provision for the +future, so that the workhouse may not even enter into your calculations, +as a possible refuge in old age for you and yours. This can be done by +regular savings, even though very small, and by insuring your life. Post +office and other savings' banks, will help you in the former, and various +insurance offices offer special facilities by weekly and monthly payments +for the latter. + + + + +AMUSEMENTS. + + +Recreation is as necessary as work. What kind is to be sought after, and +what avoided? For health's sake, if for nothing else, boys should have +some kind of out-door amusements. A boy has an easy choice of good and +healthy recreation, and therefore has no excuse for taking up with bad +objects. Cricket, Rowing, Volunteering, and such-like, are healthy, and +easily obtainable recreations. Gambling, drinking, loitering, are not to +be thought of for a moment, they are the curse of the lazy and +weak-minded. Theatres are very good if you keep out of the cheap and +nasty ones. Music halls are much better avoided. I do not say that it +is necessarily wrong to go there, or that you are certain to come to harm +if you frequent them, but there is more chance of temptation, and an +inferior entertainment for your money. Well acted plays may open out +your mind, but the silliness of the music hall entertainment will only +react upon you. You can tell a music hall frequenter, not by the words +of his mouth so much as by the shuffle of his feet: his highest ambition +seems to be to dance the double shuffle, and perhaps sing a few verses of +some jingling rhyme. Out-door recreation is not so easily attainable, in +the winter, as the time at your disposal is so short. In-door amusements +must, to a great extent, take their place. The gymnasium is a good +institution; chess is a game worth learning, and very fascinating to some +minds; cards are good as long as gambling is avoided, and many other +games readily suggest themselves to one's mind. + +Reading will be more to the liking of many. Read books which are worth +reading, not the penny trash which shops offer to the boys of England. I +should hope that the boys of England have sufficient brains to care for +something a little above the penny dreadfuls, otherwise it is a bad look +out for the future men of England. Independently of libraries you can +now get books, by good writers, as cheap as sixpence--Walter Scott, +Fennimore Cooper, Maryatt, Dickens, &c. A word about books. Of course, +in books by writers such as I have mentioned you will find many things +spoken of which are wrong and ought not to be. They must write so if +stories are to be written of life as we find it, and mere goody-goody +books, which avoid all mention of such things, are unnatural, and do not +give true pictures of life. The harm of too many cheap publications, and +not only the cheap ones, is, that in speaking of these things they make +them appear unavoidable, and even worthy of praise. Good writers show +how revolting crime and evil is, how they can be overcome and resisted, +and how truth and honesty must prevail in the end. The difference +between good books and plays and bad ones is not so much the subjects +they write about as the way in which they speak of them. Some of the +cheap literature is only foolish, some is distinctly wicked, but both are +better avoided, and your time and money spent on worthier objects. Avoid +bad company, and take care that your recreations are manly and honest. + + + + +HOME DUTIES. + + +As soon as you begin to bear your share in the expenses of home, you will +naturally look to have your word in the arrangements thereof. From the +time that you begin to earn your own living, until the time that you make +a home for yourself, there will be certain home duties which you have no +right to neglect. + +First of all, you must be ready to bear your fair share in the expenses +of the home. When first you go to work, you will probably be expected to +bring home all your money, and have a certain sum given to you for pocket +money. As you grow older, you will agree to pay a certain sum for your +board and lodging, and keep the rest for yourself. Let your payments be +such as will do a little more than actually cover the expense of what you +have. Give a thought to the general comfort of the home, and in time of +need when perhaps your father's work is slack, be ready to increase your +help, even though it may decrease your own personal comfort. + +Secondly, you must acknowledge the authority of the head of the house, +and respect his wishes as to home arrangements, time for being in at +night, &c. + +Thirdly. Recognise your responsibilities to your brothers and sisters. +If you are the eldest son you are bound to be the example, and if need be +the protector of the others, and whether elder or not you have still your +duties and responsibilities. A good brother is a great help to a sister, +and her brother's good opinion will be something which she will be very +sorry to forfeit through any fault of hers. For your sisters' sake +specially you are bound to be careful that your companions whom you may +bring home with you should not be such as would not be fit company for +them. Your duties to your parents I have already mentioned, and the +older you grow the more thoroughly you should carry them out, so that, as +you grow out of mere boyhood, you may become more and more the companion +and friend of your father, and more and more the comfort and support of +your mother. It is a great thing in time of trouble to have one son to +whom they can look without fear of his help failing them. It is far too +common to see young fellows, so soon as they can earn enough to support +themselves, leaving home and going into lodgings because they are freer +and more comfortable, and leaving their parents to struggle on with the +youngsters. It is a selfish and ungrateful course, and therefore sure to +be without a blessing from God. I am talking now of those whose work +keeps them near home, and who only leave their home to escape its duties, +or as they would miscall them, its burdens. Many, of course, must leave +home. If work calls you elsewhere it is another matter. It would be a +very good thing in many instances if young fellows would have the pluck +to emigrate and make their way in a new country. Englishmen are getting +too fond of stopping at home where the labour markets are overstocked. +Emigration is one of the best openings for a young fellow if he makes up +his mind to work, and does not expect a fortune to fall into his lap +because he has gone to a new country to seek it. + + + + +SELF-IMPROVEMENT. + + +Boys generally leave school at about thirteen years of age, but they make +a very great mistake if they leave off learning at that age. Time might +be roughly divided off into four parts--necessary work, work for others, +self-improvement, and recreation. A man's education is never completed. +A man is never too old to learn. Whilst you are a boy and lad you need +to be taught; afterwards you can to a great extent learn for yourself. +You should never be content to remain just where you are, you should +endeavour to make the most of your opportunities, and to advance in +knowledge and capability. You are taught in your catechism to "do your +duty in that state of life unto which it shall please God to call you." +This does not mean that you are not to try and better your position. +Quite the contrary; it means that while you are to go on contentedly in +the station and work which God has allotted to you, you are also to try +and use to the utmost all the opportunities and powers which he has +given. He has called you to your present position, He may be calling you +to something more. If he has given you the power and opportunity of +raising yourself, he meant you to use them. It is a false humility and a +false view of religion that encourages sloth under the pretence of being +contented with one's humble lot. There is God's work--real every day +work to be done in worldly as well as in what seems to be more directly +spiritual work. One's whole interest is not to be centred on earthly +things, neither are we to be so heavenly minded as to neglect earthly +duties, and the talents which God has committed to our trust. It is your +duty then to do your utmost to improve your stock of knowledge. School +has laid the foundation, and you must work at the building. Your own +particular tastes or your work will suggest the subjects to which you +should first turn your attention. Develop the natural powers you have, +and advance steadily from one subject to another. Set apart a certain +portion of your spare time for study and self-improvement. Remember also +that you have certain duties to your neighbours and your country, and +that in order to fulfil them you must understand your position as a man +and a citizen. Read the history both of your own country and of other +lands. Read your paper. Study the questions of the day, both at home +and abroad, and learn to form your own opinion concerning them. Learn to +think for yourself, and not take as gospel all that you read in your +favourite paper. Look at both sides of a question and make up your own +mind. Comparatively few people think for themselves, and for that reason +men are so often carried away by popular leaders, and obstinately follow +opinions, the truth of which they have never tested, and the consequences +of which they have never considered. There are many opportunities in +classes and lectures for men to gain information, but they will be of +little real use unless men will think for themselves, and work out the +subjects instead of taking their opinions ready made. Study, not simply +listen. Study both secular and religious subjects. You may be sure that +there can be no advance in real self-improvement unless it is well +balanced. Religious knowledge should go hand in hand with secular +knowledge. Christ should be our great example in this as in all else, +and He "increased in wisdom and stature, and in favour with God and men." + + + + +CHUMS. + + +Birds of a feather flock together. A man is known by his friends. It is +of great importance therefore that your friends should be such as will +show that you yourself are of the right sort. A boy, unless he is a +particularly disagreeable one, will probably have a fair number of +friends, that is to say, of fellows that he knows and associates with, +but above and beyond these he will probably have some one particular +chum, one who shares in all his plans, one with whom to talk over all his +schemes, one often with whom to join in some piece of mischief. Chums to +do one another much good should be about the same age. There may be a +friendship between an elder and a younger boy, or between a boy and a +man, but they will not be exactly chums. A friendship of this sort is +very useful if the elder is one who will lead aright, but if the elder is +the weaker of the two, or still more if the elder is viciously inclined, +such an acquaintance is one of the worst possible things for a lad. A +young boy, hanging on to an elder one, learning all his bad habits, is +only too likely to prove an apt pupil, and come utterly to grief. +Remember no one is worthy of the name of friend who would ever counsel +you to do anything wrong, or who would not give you a word in season when +he found you were going on a wrong tack. A chum of one's own age is +quite a different article. Very often they are not lads of the same +dispositions and tastes, and are drawn to one another by these very +differences. It not unfrequently happens that a bright active lad will +chum with a very quiet meditative one. The one doing the thinking and +the other the acting. Such friendships will last on sometimes through +life, but generally well through boyhood. Very often the last act of +chumship is the acting as best man at the friend's wedding. Such +friendships will work great good so long as they are on the give and take +principle, and that nothing is given or taken of the bad qualities which +may be in each. A boy without a chum is very likely to grow either +conceited or selfish, or both. A good-natured chum is a very useful +check. He does not mind chaffing him out of any little absurdities, and +rubbing against one another they manage to knock off many odd corners and +polish up one another. Any chumship in evil is to be avoided. If a +chum, however much he may be liked, wants you to go in for a partnership +in evil he must be given up. I don't say that you can give up caring for +him, but he must be made to see clearly that he must make his choice +between the evil doing and you--that he cannot be chums with both. Chums +should have strict honour between themselves, and always be ready to +stand up for one another. A good chum prevents one becoming a prig, and +there is nothing short of actual vice which is so hateful in a boy as +priggishness. There is as much difference between a prig and a right- +minded boy as between chalk and cheese. A right-minded boy goes on his +way trying to do right and live honestly and purely, because it is right +and honourable, and because deep in his own heart he knows he has +promised Jesus Christ that he will live a godly life. A prig is also +doing right and living purely and honestly, but is all the time trying to +make other people see it, and not doing it simply because it is right. +Hence he has not half the strength when real temptation comes, because he +has always been looking at the outside effect of his life, instead of +looking inward, to see if he is true to his promise. Avoid priggishness, +but do not be afraid of being called a prig when it is only the taunt by +which someone hopes to shame you into doing that which you know in your +heart is wrong. + + + + +COURTSHIP. + + +There comes a time when a young man begins seriously to look forward to +settling in life and having a home of his own. As a boy he may have had +his likings among the girl companions with whom he was acquainted, but +now it becomes a totally different question, and his intercourse with +young women assumes the position of courtship. + +It is only natural and right that man should look where God intended him +to look for a help-meet and companion, but all depends upon the way in +which he does it. There is no need to be in a hurry. Better to wait and +make quite sure. As a general rule I should say that twenty-five was +quite young enough for a man to marry, but still that must entirely +depend upon circumstances. + +Before I venture to suggest a few thoughts concerning courtship and the +choice of a wife, I should like to make a few remarks upon the manner in +which women ought to be treated by men. It is too much the custom for +men to look upon women as beings the object of whose creation was to be +pleasant companions for them before marriage and useful servants after +marriage. Hence there is a very great want of respect and honourable +treatment. A young fellow, before he steadies down as the expression is, +does not think there is anything mean or dishonourable in his leading a +girl on, and without any intention of ruining her, allowing her to lower +herself by her conversation and manners. He does not consider the harm +that he is doing to the girl, how it may be the first step to ruin. He +means no harm, only just amusing himself with her. Is it not mean, +however, simply for his own pleasure to treat a woman as if she were +merely a plaything, instead of a being as valuable in God's sight as +himself, and equally with him an object of God's love and care. No words +suffice to denounce the wickedness and meanness of the coward, who, +taking advantage of a girl's real though misguided love for him, will +seduce her into sin and then leave her to bear the punishment and +disgrace. No words can describe the heartless wickedness which will rob +a woman of that which is her greatest treasure and ornament, and bring +upon her a sorrow which the grave alone can end. He may escape +punishment here. He may even gain a sort of reputation as one who can +always gain the attention of women, but he will only receive the greater +punishment from the judge and avenger of all. One word more before I +close these remarks, which I would have gladly omitted from these papers, +but truth demands them. + +Some men seem to think that the sin and responsibility is very slight if +it be committed with a woman who trades upon her sin. Undoubtedly it is +not so cowardly as the ruin of a pure and innocent woman, but who can +tell that you may not have met with that woman at the turning point in +her life, when but for you she might have repented? and at the very least +you have added to the weight of her sin. Once she had been pure, God +alone knows her history, but who of the many who have taken advantage of +her misery and helped to chain her to her life of sin will be held +guiltless by Him? Great, fearful is her guilt, but God alone knows how +she may long to be free. Far greater is their guilt who for their own +selfish enjoyment do not hesitate to plunge deeper into ruin a soul for +whom Christ died. If men treated all women honourably--all, not simply +their relations and friends,--there would not be those who make their +living by sin. Such a state of things it may be hopeless to expect, so +long as cowards are to be found amongst men, but it is not too much to +expect from honourable men and Christians that they should treat all +women with such respect, that, as far as lies in their power, the stigma +of meanness and cowardice should not rest upon the men of this land. +Treat them with respect, not only in your intercourse with them, but in +your conversation about them, and your thoughts concerning them. + +But to turn to a pleasanter subject, the honourable courtship of man and +maiden. Certain things should be taken into consideration in making your +choice. First, that the object of your choice should be one whom you can +thoroughly love and entirely trust. Secondly, that she should be one +whom you feel would be a real help in life. Thirdly, that she should be +of the same religion as yourself (otherwise difficulties in after life +are sure to arise) and a really religious woman. And Fourthly, that she +should be not merely, or even necessarily, a bright and pretty companion, +but should have such qualities as are necessary for a good wife and +mother--one who can manage a home as well as help to pass an hour or so +pleasantly. + +Your courtship should be thoroughly open and above-board. The parents +consent should first be obtained, and remember that you are bound to +respect their wishes. Be careful also that she shall never in any way be +compromised by your conduct. I say no more because I have assumed at the +beginning that your courtship is honourable, that you love the girl of +your choice, and that as you would shield her from all injury from +others, so she will be safe under your protection. Take no ordinary +standard as the rule of your courtship, but determine from the very +beginning that it shall be so conducted, that when as man and wife you +look back upon it, it may be with feelings free from any taint of sorrow +or shame; that when you stand before God to be married it may be as +honest man and maiden, seeking for God's full blessing upon your married +life, as it has rested upon your unmarried days. One thing I would say +in conclusion, and I mention it last as being the most important, let +your choice of a wife be a subject of earnest prayer to God, and when +your choice has been made, and your love pledged one to another, let it +be a subject of mutual prayer that each may help the other to live to the +glory of God, in the station of life in which he sees fit to place you. + + + + +HUSBANDS. + + +The headship of a family carries with it heavy responsibilities. We may +shrink from them and avoid them, but still they remain. A good husband +and a good father makes a happy home and honest children. Drunkenness is +too often the destruction of home. If the head of the family can rule +himself in this as in other matters then he may reasonably hope for a +happy and comfortable home, but if drink is allowed to take the place of +wife or children, drink will rule the household and swallow up its peace +and prosperity. Nevertheless, drunkenness is not by any means the only +fault or indeed the beginning of the break up of a home. It is very +often the result of a home made miserable by other and easily avoided +faults. Many I suppose start their married life with the full intention +of realising their ideas of a happy home. The picture is very pleasant, +the reality is too often quite the reverse. Why? Very often because of +a want of mutual forbearance. It takes some little time really to know +one another, and unless there is a spirit of mutual forbearance the +little differences will become great quarrels. The husband is to rule, +but he is not to be a tyrant. The wife is not bound to give a blind +obedience to all his commands, and the husband is bound to respect his +wife's wishes. It ought to be a rule that in matters of importance, +where either feels it to be a question of duty, that if they cannot agree +neither should endeavour to force the other to act against their +conscience. + +My first piece of practical advice to husbands would be to have a proper +understanding about money matters, and to be liberal therein. Give your +wife a regular sum per week, and let it be clearly arranged what expenses +she is responsible for. + +Secondly, do not have any friends that you cannot or do not care to bring +to your home, and let no one come between you and your wife, or draw you +away to enjoy yourself apart from her. + +Thirdly, do your church-going together as far as you can, and when that +is impossible arrange one with the other, so that each may be able to go +at some time every Sunday. Above all keep one another up to your regular +Communions, for there is little blessing on the married union that is not +blessed with a higher communion. + +Fourthly. When you have children train them yourself, specially the +boys, who will gain far more good from father than from anyone else. It +is too much the custom to leave all the religious training to mother or +to school. Take your children to Church with you instead of seeing that +they are sent. Come is a much better word of instruction than go. + +A few words in conclusion as to the general duties of a man, be he +married or single. You have no right to shirk your duties as a man to +your home, as a Christian to your Church, or as a citizen to your +country. The support and training of your family is your first duty, and +nothing may rightly come in the way of that, but the fulfilling of that +need not prevent your carrying out your other duties. You are a +Christian, you receive spiritual benefits from your connection with the +Church, you are bound then to make some return. Your prayers, your alms, +and your active work, according to your means and opportunities, ought to +be available for the work of the Church. There ought not to be any +drones in the Church's hive, but each member should bear his share of the +burdens, as well as partake of the blessings. There is work for everyone +that is ready to help. + +You have still your duty to your country. Your own personal influence +may not be great, but you are nevertheless bound to use it on the side +which you believe to be right. Public opinion is made up by the +agreement of many, and the course of the nation is guided eventually by +the votes of the people. You have your share in the responsibility of +all that is done, and are therefore bound to endeavour to understand the +questions of the day, and to act upon the conclusions you may form. No +man has a right to shirk any of the responsibilities of his position, and +a true man will endeavour to serve God and his fellow-men to the best of +his ability--to do as much good as he can in the little time allotted to +him, and to leave the reward of his labours in the hands of Him for whose +sake and after whose example he has endeavoured to spend his life. + + + +***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK BOYS*** + + +******* This file should be named 23230.txt or 23230.zip ******* + + +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: +http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/2/3/2/3/23230 + + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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