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diff --git a/23233.txt b/23233.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..be96305 --- /dev/null +++ b/23233.txt @@ -0,0 +1,10842 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Posthumous Works, by Mary Wollstonecraft + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Posthumous Works + of the Author of A Vindication of the Rights of Woman + +Author: Mary Wollstonecraft + +Editor: William Godwin + +Release Date: October 29, 2007 [EBook #23233] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK POSTHUMOUS WORKS *** + + + + +Produced by Jonathan Ingram, Online Distributed Proofreading +Team at http://www.pgdp.net and the booksmiths at +http://www.eBookForge.net + + + + + + + +POSTHUMOUS WORKS + +OF + +MARY WOLLSTONECRAFT GODWIN. + +VOL. I. + + +POSTHUMOUS WORKS + +OF THE + +AUTHOR + +OF A + +VINDICATION OF THE RIGHTS OF WOMAN. + +IN FOUR VOLUMES. + + * * * * * + +VOL. I. + + * * * * * + +_LONDON:_ + +PRINTED FOR J. JOHNSON, NO. 72, ST. PAUL'S + CHURCH-YARD; AND G. G. AND J. ROBINSON, + PATERNOSTER-ROW. + 1798. + + +THE + +WRONGS OF WOMAN: + +OR, + +MARIA. + +A FRAGMENT. + +IN TWO VOLUMES. + + * * * * * + +VOL. I. + + + + +PREFACE. + + +THE public are here presented with the last literary attempt of an +author, whose fame has been uncommonly extensive, and whose talents have +probably been most admired, by the persons by whom talents are estimated +with the greatest accuracy and discrimination. There are few, to whom her +writings could in any case have given pleasure, that would have wished +that this fragment should have been suppressed, because it is a fragment. +There is a sentiment, very dear to minds of taste and imagination, that +finds a melancholy delight in contemplating these unfinished productions +of genius, these sketches of what, if they had been filled up in a manner +adequate to the writer's conception, would perhaps have given a new +impulse to the manners of a world. + +The purpose and structure of the following work, had long formed a +favourite subject of meditation with its author, and she judged them +capable of producing an important effect. The composition had been in +progress for a period of twelve months. She was anxious to do justice to +her conception, and recommenced and revised the manuscript several +different times. So much of it as is here given to the public, she was +far from considering as finished, and, in a letter to a friend directly +written on this subject, she says, "I am perfectly aware that some of the +incidents ought to be transposed, and heightened by more harmonious +shading; and I wished in some degree to avail myself of criticism, before +I began to adjust my events into a story, the outline of which I had +sketched in my mind[x-A]." The only friends to whom the author +communicated her manuscript, were Mr. Dyson, the translator of the +Sorcerer, and the present editor; and it was impossible for the most +inexperienced author to display a stronger desire of profiting by the +censures and sentiments that might be suggested[x-B]. + +In revising these sheets for the press, it was necessary for the editor, +in some places, to connect the more finished parts with the pages of an +older copy, and a line or two in addition sometimes appeared requisite +for that purpose. Wherever such a liberty has been taken, the additional +phrases will be found inclosed in brackets; it being the editor's most +earnest desire, to intrude nothing of himself into the work, but to give +to the public the words, as well as ideas, of the real author. + +What follows in the ensuing pages, is not a preface regularly drawn out +by the author, but merely hints for a preface, which, though never filled +up in the manner the writer intended, appeared to be worth preserving. + +W. GODWIN. + + + + +AUTHOR'S PREFACE. + + +THE Wrongs of Woman, like the wrongs of the oppressed part of mankind, +may be deemed necessary by their oppressors: but surely there are a few, +who will dare to advance before the improvement of the age, and grant +that my sketches are not the abortion of a distempered fancy, or the +strong delineations of a wounded heart. + +In writing this novel, I have rather endeavoured to pourtray passions +than manners. + +In many instances I could have made the incidents more dramatic, would I +have sacrificed my main object, the desire of exhibiting the misery and +oppression, peculiar to women, that arise out of the partial laws and +customs of society. + +In the invention of the story, this view restrained my fancy; and the +history ought rather to be considered, as of woman, than of an +individual. + +The sentiments I have embodied. + +In many works of this species, the hero is allowed to be mortal, and to +become wise and virtuous as well as happy, by a train of events and +circumstances. The heroines, on the contrary, are to be born immaculate; +and to act like goddesses of wisdom, just come forth highly finished +Minervas from the head of Jove. + + * * * * * + +[The following is an extract of a letter from the author to a friend, to +whom she communicated her manuscript.] + + * * * * * + +For my part, I cannot suppose any situation more distressing, than for a +woman of sensibility, with an improving mind, to be bound to such a man +as I have described for life; obliged to renounce all the humanizing +affections, and to avoid cultivating her taste, lest her perception of +grace and refinement of sentiment, should sharpen to agony the pangs of +disappointment. Love, in which the imagination mingles its bewitching +colouring, must be fostered by delicacy. I should despise, or rather call +her an ordinary woman, who could endure such a husband as I have +sketched. + +These appear to me (matrimonial despotism of heart and conduct) to be the +peculiar Wrongs of Woman, because they degrade the mind. What are termed +great misfortunes, may more forcibly impress the mind of common readers; +they have more of what may justly be termed _stage-effect_; but it is the +delineation of finer sensations, which, in my opinion, constitutes the +merit of our best novels. This is what I have in view; and to show the +wrongs of different classes of women, equally oppressive, though, from +the difference of education, necessarily various. + +FOOTNOTES: + +[x-A] A more copious extract of this letter is subjoined to the author's +preface. + +[x-B] The part communicated consisted of the first fourteen chapters. + + + + +ERRATA. + +Page 3, line 2, _dele_ half. + +P. 81 and 118, _for_ brackets [--], _read_ inverted commas " thus " + + + + +CONTENTS. + +VOL. I. AND II. + +The Wrongs of Woman, or Maria; a Fragment: +to which is added, the First Book +of a Series of Lessons for Children. + +VOL. III. AND IV. + +Letters and Miscellaneous Pieces. + + + + +_WRONGS_ + +OF + +WOMAN. + + + + +CHAP. I. + + +ABODES of horror have frequently been described, and castles, filled with +spectres and chimeras, conjured up by the magic spell of genius to harrow +the soul, and absorb the wondering mind. But, formed of such stuff as +dreams are made of, what were they to the mansion of despair, in one +corner of which Maria sat, endeavouring to recal her scattered thoughts! + +Surprise, astonishment, that bordered on distraction, seemed to have +suspended her faculties, till, waking by degrees to a keen sense of +anguish, a whirlwind of rage and indignation roused her torpid pulse. One +recollection with frightful velocity following another, threatened to +fire her brain, and make her a fit companion for the terrific +inhabitants, whose groans and shrieks were no unsubstantial sounds of +whistling winds, or startled birds, modulated by a romantic fancy, which +amuse while they affright; but such tones of misery as carry a dreadful +certainty directly to the heart. What effect must they then have produced +on one, true to the touch of sympathy, and tortured by maternal +apprehension! + +Her infant's image was continually floating on Maria's sight, and the +first smile of intelligence remembered, as none but a mother, an unhappy +mother, can conceive. She heard her half speaking cooing, and felt the +little twinkling fingers on her burning bosom--a bosom bursting with the +nutriment for which this cherished child might now be pining in vain. +From a stranger she could indeed receive the maternal aliment, Maria was +grieved at the thought--but who would watch her with a mother's +tenderness, a mother's self-denial? + +The retreating shadows of former sorrows rushed back in a gloomy train, +and seemed to be pictured on the walls of her prison, magnified by the +state of mind in which they were viewed--Still she mourned for her child, +lamented she was a daughter, and anticipated the aggravated ills of life +that her sex rendered almost inevitable, even while dreading she was no +more. To think that she was blotted out of existence was agony, when the +imagination had been long employed to expand her faculties; yet to +suppose her turned adrift on an unknown sea, was scarcely less +afflicting. + +After being two days the prey of impetuous, varying emotions, Maria began +to reflect more calmly on her present situation, for she had actually +been rendered incapable of sober reflection, by the discovery of the act +of atrocity of which she was the victim. She could not have imagined, +that, in all the fermentation of civilized depravity, a similar plot +could have entered a human mind. She had been stunned by an unexpected +blow; yet life, however joyless, was not to be indolently resigned, or +misery endured without exertion, and proudly termed patience. She had +hitherto meditated only to point the dart of anguish, and suppressed the +heart heavings of indignant nature merely by the force of contempt. Now +she endeavoured to brace her mind to fortitude, and to ask herself what +was to be her employment in her dreary cell? Was it not to effect her +escape, to fly to the succour of her child, and to baffle the selfish +schemes of her tyrant--her husband? + +These thoughts roused her sleeping spirit, and the self-possession +returned, that seemed to have abandoned her in the infernal solitude into +which she had been precipitated. The first emotions of overwhelming +impatience began to subside, and resentment gave place to tenderness, and +more tranquil meditation; though anger once more stopt the calm current +of reflection, when she attempted to move her manacled arms. But this +was an outrage that could only excite momentary feelings of scorn, which +evaporated in a faint smile; for Maria was far from thinking a personal +insult the most difficult to endure with magnanimous indifference. + +She approached the small grated window of her chamber, and for a +considerable time only regarded the blue expanse; though it commanded a +view of a desolate garden, and of part of a huge pile of buildings, that, +after having been suffered, for half a century, to fall to decay, had +undergone some clumsy repairs, merely to render it habitable. The ivy had +been torn off the turrets, and the stones not wanted to patch up the +breaches of time, and exclude the warring elements, left in heaps in the +disordered court. Maria contemplated this scene she knew not how long; or +rather gazed on the walls, and pondered on her situation. To the master +of this most horrid of prisons, she had, soon after her entrance, raved +of injustice, in accents that would have justified his treatment, had not +a malignant smile, when she appealed to his judgment, with a dreadful +conviction stifled her remonstrating complaints. By force, or openly, +what could be done? But surely some expedient might occur to an active +mind, without any other employment, and possessed of sufficient +resolution to put the risk of life into the balance with the chance of +freedom. + +A woman entered in the midst of these reflections, with a firm, +deliberate step, strongly marked features, and large black eyes, which +she fixed steadily on Maria's, as if she designed to intimidate her, +saying at the same time--"You had better sit down and eat your dinner, +than look at the clouds." + +"I have no appetite," replied Maria, who had previously determined to +speak mildly, "why then should I eat?" + +"But, in spite of that, you must and shall eat something. I have had many +ladies under my care, who have resolved to starve themselves; but, soon +or late, they gave up their intent, as they recovered their senses." + +"Do you really think me mad?" asked Maria, meeting the searching glance +of her eye. + +"Not just now. But what does that prove?--only that you must be the more +carefully watched, for appearing at times so reasonable. You have not +touched a morsel since you entered the house."--Maria sighed +intelligibly.--"Could any thing but madness produce such a disgust for +food?" + +"Yes, grief; you would not ask the question if you knew what it was." The +attendant shook her head; and a ghastly smile of desperate fortitude +served as a forcible reply, and made Maria pause, before she added--"Yet +I will take some refreshment: I mean not to die.--No; I will preserve my +senses; and convince even you, sooner than you are aware of, that my +intellects have never been disturbed, though the exertion of them may +have been suspended by some infernal drug." + +Doubt gathered still thicker on the brow of her guard, as she attempted +to convict her of mistake. + +"Have patience!" exclaimed Maria, with a solemnity that inspired awe. "My +God! how have I been schooled into the practice!" A suffocation of voice +betrayed the agonizing emotions she was labouring to keep down; and +conquering a qualm of disgust, she calmly endeavoured to eat enough to +prove her docility, perpetually turning to the suspicious female, whose +observation she courted, while she was making the bed and adjusting the +room. + +"Come to me often," said Maria, with a tone of persuasion, in consequence +of a vague plan that she had hastily adopted, when, after surveying this +woman's form and features, she felt convinced that she had an +understanding above the common standard; "and believe me mad, till you +are obliged to acknowledge the contrary." The woman was no fool, that is, +she was superior to her class; nor had misery quite petrified the +life's-blood of humanity, to which reflections on our own misfortunes +only give a more orderly course. The manner, rather than the +expostulations, of Maria made a slight suspicion dart into her mind with +corresponding sympathy, which various other avocations, and the habit of +banishing compunction, prevented her, for the present, from examining +more minutely. + +But when she was told that no person, excepting the physician appointed +by her family, was to be permitted to see the lady at the end of the +gallery, she opened her keen eyes still wider, and uttered a--"hem!" +before she enquired--"Why?" She was briefly told, in reply, that the +malady was hereditary, and the fits not occurring but at very long and +irregular intervals, she must be carefully watched; for the length of +these lucid periods only rendered her more mischievous, when any vexation +or caprice brought on the paroxysm of phrensy. + +Had her master trusted her, it is probable that neither pity nor +curiosity would have made her swerve from the straight line of her +interest; for she had suffered too much in her intercourse with mankind, +not to determine to look for support, rather to humouring their passions, +than courting their approbation by the integrity of her conduct. A deadly +blight had met her at the very threshold of existence; and the +wretchedness of her mother seemed a heavy weight fastened on her innocent +neck, to drag her down to perdition. She could not heroically determine +to succour an unfortunate; but, offended at the bare supposition that she +could be deceived with the same ease as a common servant, she no longer +curbed her curiosity; and, though she never seriously fathomed her own +intentions, she would sit, every moment she could steal from observation, +listening to the tale, which Maria was eager to relate with all the +persuasive eloquence of grief. + +It is so cheering to see a human face, even if little of the divinity of +virtue beam in it, that Maria anxiously expected the return of the +attendant, as of a gleam of light to break the gloom of idleness. +Indulged sorrow; she perceived, must blunt or sharpen the faculties to +the two opposite extremes; producing stupidity, the moping melancholy of +indolence; or the restless activity of a disturbed imagination. She sunk +into one state, after being fatigued by the other: till the want of +occupation became even more painful than the actual pressure or +apprehension of sorrow; and the confinement that froze her into a nook of +existence, with an unvaried prospect before her, the most insupportable +of evils. The lamp of life seemed to be spending itself to chase the +vapours of a dungeon which no art could dissipate.--And to what purpose +did she rally all her energy?--Was not the world a vast prison, and women +born slaves? + +Though she failed immediately to rouse a lively sense of injustice in the +mind of her guard, because it had been sophisticated into misanthropy, +she touched her heart. Jemima (she had only a claim to a Christian name, +which had not procured her any Christian privileges) could patiently hear +of Maria's confinement on false pretences; she had felt the crushing hand +of power, hardened by the exercise of injustice, and ceased to wonder at +the perversions of the understanding, which systematize oppression; but, +when told that her child, only four months old, had been torn from her, +even while she was discharging the tenderest maternal office, the woman +awoke in a bosom long estranged from feminine emotions, and Jemima +determined to alleviate all in her power, without hazarding the loss of +her place, the sufferings of a wretched mother, apparently injured, and +certainly unhappy. A sense of right seems to result from the simplest act +of reason, and to preside over the faculties of the mind, like the +master-sense of feeling, to rectify the rest; but (for the comparison may +be carried still farther) how often is the exquisite sensibility of both +weakened or destroyed by the vulgar occupations, and ignoble pleasures of +life? + +The preserving her situation was, indeed, an important object to Jemima, +who had been hunted from hole to hole, as if she had been a beast of +prey, or infected with a moral plague. The wages she received, the +greater part of which she hoarded, as her only chance for independence, +were much more considerable than she could reckon on obtaining any where +else, were it possible that she, an outcast from society, could be +permitted to earn a subsistence in a reputable family. Hearing Maria +perpetually complain of listlessness, and the not being able to beguile +grief by resuming her customary pursuits, she was easily prevailed on, by +compassion, and that involuntary respect for abilities, which those who +possess them can never eradicate, to bring her some books and implements +for writing. Maria's conversation had amused and interested her, and the +natural consequence was a desire, scarcely observed by herself, of +obtaining the esteem of a person she admired. The remembrance of better +days was rendered more lively; and the sentiments then acquired appearing +less romantic than they had for a long period, a spark of hope roused +her mind to new activity. + +How grateful was her attention to Maria! Oppressed by a dead weight of +existence, or preyed on by the gnawing worm of discontent, with what +eagerness did she endeavour to shorten the long days, which left no +traces behind! She seemed to be sailing on the vast ocean of life, +without seeing any land-mark to indicate the progress of time; to find +employment was then to find variety, the animating principle of nature. + + + + +CHAP. II. + + +EARNESTLY as Maria endeavoured to soothe, by reading, the anguish of her +wounded mind, her thoughts would often wander from the subject she was +led to discuss, and tears of maternal tenderness obscured the reasoning +page. She descanted on "the ills which flesh is heir to," with +bitterness, when the recollection of her babe was revived by a tale of +fictitious woe, that bore any resemblance to her own; and her imagination +was continually employed, to conjure up and embody the various phantoms +of misery, which folly and vice had let loose on the world. The loss of +her babe was the tender string; against other cruel remembrances she +laboured to steel her bosom; and even a ray of hope, in the midst of her +gloomy reveries, would sometimes gleam on the dark horizon of futurity, +while persuading herself that she ought to cease to hope, since happiness +was no where to be found.--But of her child, debilitated by the grief +with which its mother had been assailed before it saw the light, she +could not think without an impatient struggle. + +"I, alone, by my active tenderness, could have saved," she would exclaim, +"from an early blight, this sweet blossom; and, cherishing it, I should +have had something still to love." + +In proportion as other expectations were torn from her, this tender one +had been fondly clung to, and knit into her heart. + +The books she had obtained, were soon devoured, by one who had no other +resource to escape from sorrow, and the feverish dreams of ideal +wretchedness or felicity, which equally weaken the intoxicated +sensibility. Writing was then the only alternative, and she wrote some +rhapsodies descriptive of the state of her mind; but the events of her +past life pressing on her, she resolved circumstantially to relate them, +with the sentiments that experience, and more matured reason, would +naturally suggest. They might perhaps instruct her daughter, and shield +her from the misery, the tyranny, her mother knew not how to avoid. + +This thought gave life to her diction, her soul flowed into it, and she +soon found the task of recollecting almost obliterated impressions very +interesting. She lived again in the revived emotions of youth, and +forgot her present in the retrospect of sorrows that had assumed an +unalterable character. + +Though this employment lightened the weight of time, yet, never losing +sight of her main object, Maria did not allow any opportunity to slip of +winning on the affections of Jemima; for she discovered in her a strength +of mind, that excited her esteem, clouded as it was by the misanthropy of +despair. + +An insulated being, from the misfortune of her birth, she despised and +preyed on the society by which she had been oppressed, and loved not her +fellow-creatures, because she had never been beloved. No mother had ever +fondled her, no father or brother had protected her from outrage; and the +man who had plunged her into infamy, and deserted her when she stood in +greatest need of support, deigned not to smooth with kindness the road to +ruin. Thus degraded, was she let loose on the world; and virtue, never +nurtured by affection, assumed the stern aspect of selfish independence. + +This general view of her life, Maria gathered from her exclamations and +dry remarks. Jemima indeed displayed a strange mixture of interest and +suspicion; for she would listen to her with earnestness, and then +suddenly interrupt the conversation, as if afraid of resigning, by giving +way to her sympathy, her dear-bought knowledge of the world. + +Maria alluded to the possibility of an escape, and mentioned a +compensation, or reward; but the style in which she was repulsed made her +cautious, and determine not to renew the subject, till she knew more of +the character she had to work on. Jemima's countenance, and dark hints, +seemed to say, "You are an extraordinary woman; but let me consider, this +may only be one of your lucid intervals." Nay, the very energy of Maria's +character, made her suspect that the extraordinary animation she +perceived might be the effect of madness. "Should her husband then +substantiate his charge, and get possession of her estate, from whence +would come the promised annuity, or more desired protection? Besides, +might not a woman, anxious to escape, conceal some of the circumstances +which made against her? Was truth to be expected from one who had been +entrapped, kidnapped, in the most fraudulent manner?" + +In this train Jemima continued to argue, the moment after compassion and +respect seemed to make her swerve; and she still resolved not to be +wrought on to do more than soften the rigour of confinement, till she +could advance on surer ground. + +Maria was not permitted to walk in the garden; but sometimes, from her +window, she turned her eyes from the gloomy walls, in which she pined +life away, on the poor wretches who strayed along the walks, and +contemplated the most terrific of ruins--that of a human soul. What is +the view of the fallen column, the mouldering arch, of the most exquisite +workmanship, when compared with this living memento of the fragility, the +instability, of reason, and the wild luxuriancy of noxious passions? +Enthusiasm turned adrift, like some rich stream overflowing its banks, +rushes forward with destructive velocity, inspiring a sublime +concentration of thought. Thus thought Maria--These are the ravages over +which humanity must ever mournfully ponder, with a degree of anguish not +excited by crumbling marble, or cankering brass, unfaithful to the trust +of monumental fame. It is not over the decaying productions of the mind, +embodied with the happiest art, we grieve most bitterly. The view of what +has been done by man, produces a melancholy, yet aggrandizing, sense of +what remains to be achieved by human intellect; but a mental convulsion, +which, like the devastation of an earthquake, throws all the elements of +thought and imagination into confusion, makes contemplation giddy, and +we fearfully ask on what ground we ourselves stand. + +Melancholy and imbecility marked the features of the wretches allowed to +breathe at large; for the frantic, those who in a strong imagination had +lost a sense of woe, were closely confined. The playful tricks and +mischievous devices of their disturbed fancy, that suddenly broke out, +could not be guarded against, when they were permitted to enjoy any +portion of freedom; for, so active was their imagination, that every new +object which accidentally struck their senses, awoke to phrenzy their +restless passions; as Maria learned from the burden of their incessant +ravings. + +Sometimes, with a strict injunction of silence, Jemima would allow +Maria, at the close of evening, to stray along the narrow avenues that +separated the dungeon-like apartments, leaning on her arm. What a change +of scene! Maria wished to pass the threshold of her prison, yet, when by +chance she met the eye of rage glaring on her, yet unfaithful to its +office, she shrunk back with more horror and affright, than if she had +stumbled over a mangled corpse. Her busy fancy pictured the misery of a +fond heart, watching over a friend thus estranged, absent, though +present--over a poor wretch lost to reason and the social joys of +existence; and losing all consciousness of misery in its excess. What a +task, to watch the light of reason quivering in the eye, or with +agonizing expectation to catch the beam of recollection; tantalized by +hope, only to feel despair more keenly, at finding a much loved face or +voice, suddenly remembered, or pathetically implored, only to be +immediately forgotten, or viewed with indifference or abhorrence! + +The heart-rending sigh of melancholy sunk into her soul; and when she +retired to rest, the petrified figures she had encountered, the only +human forms she was doomed to observe, haunting her dreams with tales of +mysterious wrongs, made her wish to sleep to dream no more. + +Day after day rolled away, and tedious as the present moment appeared, +they passed in such an unvaried tenor, Maria was surprised to find that +she had already been six weeks buried alive, and yet had such faint hopes +of effecting her enlargement. She was, earnestly as she had sought for +employment, now angry with herself for having been amused by writing her +narrative; and grieved to think that she had for an instant thought of +any thing, but contriving to escape. + +Jemima had evidently pleasure in her society: still, though she often +left her with a glow of kindness, she returned with the same chilling +air; and, when her heart appeared for a moment to open, some suggestion +of reason forcibly closed it, before she could give utterance to the +confidence Maria's conversation inspired. + +Discouraged by these changes, Maria relapsed into despondency, when she +was cheered by the alacrity with which Jemima brought her a fresh parcel +of books; assuring her, that she had taken some pains to obtain them from +one of the keepers, who attended a gentleman confined in the opposite +corner of the gallery. + +Maria took up the books with emotion. "They come," said she, "perhaps, +from a wretch condemned, like me, to reason on the nature of madness, by +having wrecked minds continually under his eye; and almost to wish +himself--as I do--mad, to escape from the contemplation of it." Her heart +throbbed with sympathetic alarm; and she turned over the leaves with awe, +as if they had become sacred from passing through the hands of an +unfortunate being, oppressed by a similar fate. + +Dryden's Fables, Milton's Paradise Lost, with several modern productions, +composed the collection. It was a mine of treasure. Some marginal notes, +in Dryden's Fables, caught her attention: they were written with force +and taste; and, in one of the modern pamphlets, there was a fragment +left, containing various observations on the present state of society and +government, with a comparative view of the politics of Europe and +America. These remarks were written with a degree of generous warmth, +when alluding to the enslaved state of the labouring majority, perfectly +in unison with Maria's mode of thinking. + +She read them over and over again; and fancy, treacherous fancy, began to +sketch a character, congenial with her own, from these shadowy +outlines.--"Was he mad?" She re-perused the marginal notes, and they +seemed the production of an animated, but not of a disturbed imagination. +Confined to this speculation, every time she re-read them, some fresh +refinement of sentiment, or acuteness of thought impressed her, which +she was astonished at herself for not having before observed. + +What a creative power has an affectionate heart! There are beings who +cannot live without loving, as poets love; and who feel the electric +spark of genius, wherever it awakens sentiment or grace. Maria had often +thought, when disciplining her wayward heart, "that to charm, was to be +virtuous." "They who make me wish to appear the most amiable and good in +their eyes, must possess in a degree," she would exclaim, "the graces and +virtues they call into action." + +She took up a book on the powers of the human mind; but, her attention +strayed from cold arguments on the nature of what she felt, while she +was feeling, and she snapt the chain of the theory to read Dryden's +Guiscard and Sigismunda. + +Maria, in the course of the ensuing day, returned some of the books, with +the hope of getting others--and more marginal notes. Thus shut out from +human intercourse, and compelled to view nothing but the prison of vexed +spirits, to meet a wretch in the same situation, was more surely to find +a friend, than to imagine a countryman one, in a strange land, where the +human voice conveys no information to the eager ear. + +"Did you ever see the unfortunate being to whom these books belong?" +asked Maria, when Jemima brought her supper. "Yes. He sometimes walks +out, between five and six, before the family is stirring, in the +morning, with two keepers; but even then his hands are confined." + +"What! is he so unruly?" enquired Maria, with an accent of +disappointment. + +"No, not that I perceive," replied Jemima; "but he has an untamed look, a +vehemence of eye, that excites apprehension. Were his hands free, he +looks as if he could soon manage both his guards: yet he appears +tranquil." + +"If he be so strong, he must be young," observed Maria. + +"Three or four and thirty, I suppose; but there is no judging of a person +in his situation." + +"Are you sure that he is mad?" interrupted Maria with eagerness. Jemima +quitted the room, without replying. + +"No, no, he certainly is not!" exclaimed Maria, answering herself; "the +man who could write those observations was not disordered in his +intellects." + +She sat musing, gazing at the moon, and watching its motion as it seemed +to glide under the clouds. Then, preparing for bed, she thought, "Of what +use could I be to him, or he to me, if it be true that he is unjustly +confined?--Could he aid me to escape, who is himself more closely +watched?--Still I should like to see him." She went to bed, dreamed of +her child, yet woke exactly at half after five o'clock, and starting up, +only wrapped a gown around her, and ran to the window. The morning was +chill, it was the latter end of September; yet she did not retire to warm +herself and think in bed, till the sound of the servants, moving about +the house, convinced her that the unknown would not walk in the garden +that morning. She was ashamed at feeling disappointed; and began to +reflect, as an excuse to herself, on the little objects which attract +attention when there is nothing to divert the mind; and how difficult it +was for women to avoid growing romantic, who have no active duties or +pursuits. + +At breakfast, Jemima enquired whether she understood French? for, unless +she did, the stranger's stock of books was exhausted. Maria replied in +the affirmative; but forbore to ask any more questions respecting the +person to whom they belonged. And Jemima gave her a new subject for +contemplation, by describing the person of a lovely maniac, just brought +into an adjoining chamber. She was singing the pathetic ballad of old Rob + with the most heart-melting falls and pauses. Jemima had +half-opened the door, when she distinguished her voice, and Maria stood +close to it, scarcely daring to respire, lest a modulation should escape +her, so exquisitely sweet, so passionately wild. She began with sympathy +to pourtray to herself another victim, when the lovely warbler flew, as +it were, from the spray, and a torrent of unconnected exclamations and +questions burst from her, interrupted by fits of laughter, so horrid, +that Maria shut the door, and, turning her eyes up to heaven, +exclaimed--"Gracious God!" + +Several minutes elapsed before Maria could enquire respecting the rumour +of the house (for this poor wretch was obviously not confined without a +cause); and then Jemima could only tell her, that it was said, "she had +been married, against her inclination, to a rich old man, extremely +jealous (no wonder, for she was a charming creature); and that, in +consequence of his treatment, or something which hung on her mind, she +had, during her first lying-in, lost her senses." + +What a subject of meditation--even to the very confines of madness. + +"Woman, fragile flower! why were you suffered to adorn a world exposed to +the inroad of such stormy elements?" thought Maria, while the poor +maniac's strain was still breathing on her ear, and sinking into her very +soul. + +Towards the evening, Jemima brought her Rousseau's _Heloise_; and she sat +reading with eyes and heart, till the return of her guard to extinguish +the light. One instance of her kindness was, the permitting Maria to have +one, till her own hour of retiring to rest. She had read this work long +since; but now it seemed to open a new world to her--the only one worth +inhabiting. Sleep was not to be wooed; yet, far from being fatigued by +the restless rotation of thought, she rose and opened her window, just as +the thin watery clouds of twilight made the long silent shadows visible. +The air swept across her face with a voluptuous freshness that thrilled +to her heart, awakening indefinable emotions; and the sound of a waving +branch, or the twittering of a startled bird, alone broke the stillness +of reposing nature. Absorbed by the sublime sensibility which renders the +consciousness of existence felicity, Maria was happy, till an autumnal +scent, wafted by the breeze of morn from the fallen leaves of the +adjacent wood, made her recollect that the season had changed since her +confinement; yet life afforded no variety to solace an afflicted heart. +She returned dispirited to her couch, and thought of her child till the +broad glare of day again invited her to the window. She looked not for +the unknown, still how great was her vexation at perceiving the back of a +man, certainly he, with his two attendants, as he turned into a side-path +which led to the house! A confused recollection of having seen somebody +who resembled him, immediately occurred, to puzzle and torment her with +endless conjectures. Five minutes sooner, and she should have seen his +face, and been out of suspense--was ever any thing so unlucky! His +steady, bold step, and the whole air of his person, bursting as it were +from a cloud, pleased her, and gave an outline to the imagination to +sketch the individual form she wished to recognize. + +Feeling the disappointment more severely than she was willing to believe, +she flew to Rousseau, as her only refuge from the idea of him, who might +prove a friend, could she but find a way to interest him in her fate; +still the personification of Saint Preux, or of an ideal lover far +superior, was after this imperfect model, of which merely a glance had +been caught, even to the minutiae of the coat and hat of the stranger. +But if she lent St. Preux, or the demi-god of her fancy, his form, she +richly repaid him by the donation of all St. Preux's sentiments and +feelings, culled to gratify her own, to which he seemed to have an +undoubted right, when she read on the margin of an impassioned letter, +written in the well-known hand--"Rousseau alone, the true Prometheus of +sentiment, possessed the fire of genius necessary to pourtray the +passion, the truth of which goes so directly to the heart." + +Maria was again true to the hour, yet had finished Rousseau, and begun to +transcribe some selected passages; unable to quit either the author or +the window, before she had a glimpse of the countenance she daily longed +to see; and, when seen, it conveyed no distinct idea to her mind where +she had seen it before. He must have been a transient acquaintance; but +to discover an acquaintance was fortunate, could she contrive to attract +his attention, and excite his sympathy. + +Every glance afforded colouring for the picture she was delineating on +her heart; and once, when the window was half open, the sound of his +voice reached her. Conviction flashed on her; she had certainly, in a +moment of distress, heard the same accents. They were manly, and +characteristic of a noble mind; nay, even sweet--or sweet they seemed to +her attentive ear. + +She started back, trembling, alarmed at the emotion a strange coincidence +of circumstances inspired, and wondering why she thought so much of a +stranger, obliged as she had been by his timely interference; [for she +recollected, by degrees, all the circumstances of their former meeting.] +She found however that she could think of nothing else; or, if she +thought of her daughter, it was to wish that she had a father whom her +mother could respect and love. + + + + +CHAP. III. + + +WHEN perusing the first parcel of books, Maria had, with her pencil, +written in one of them a few exclamations, expressive of compassion and +sympathy, which she scarcely remembered, till turning over the leaves of +one of the volumes, lately brought to her, a slip of paper dropped out, +which Jemima hastily snatched up. + +"Let me see it," demanded Maria impatiently, "You surely are not afraid +of trusting me with the effusions of a madman?" "I must consider," +replied Jemima; and withdrew, with the paper in her hand. + +In a life of such seclusion, the passions gain undue force; Maria +therefore felt a great degree of resentment and vexation, which she had +not time to subdue, before Jemima, returning, delivered the paper. + + "Whoever you are, who partake of my fate, accept my sincere + commiseration--I would have said protection; but the privilege of + man is denied me. + + "My own situation forces a dreadful suspicion on my mind--I may + not always languish in vain for freedom--say are you--I cannot + ask the question; yet I will remember you when my remembrance can + be of any use. I will enquire, _why_ you are so mysteriously + detained--and I _will_ have an answer. + + "HENRY DARNFORD." + +By the most pressing intreaties, Maria prevailed on Jemima to permit her +to write a reply to this note. Another and another succeeded, in which +explanations were not allowed relative to their present situation; but +Maria, with sufficient explicitness, alluded to a former obligation; and +they insensibly entered on an interchange of sentiments on the most +important subjects. To write these letters was the business of the day, +and to receive them the moment of sunshine. By some means, Darnford +having discovered Maria's window, when she next appeared at it, he made +her, behind his keepers, a profound bow of respect and recognition. + +Two or three weeks glided away in this kind of intercourse, during which +period Jemima, to whom Maria had given the necessary information +respecting her family, had evidently gained some intelligence, which +increased her desire of pleasing her charge, though she could not yet +determine to liberate her. Maria took advantage of this favourable +charge, without too minutely enquiring into the cause; and such was her +eagerness to hold human converse, and to see her former protector, still +a stranger to her, that she incessantly requested her guard to gratify +her more than curiosity. + +Writing to Darnford, she was led from the sad objects before her, and +frequently rendered insensible to the horrid noises around her, which +previously had continually employed her feverish fancy. Thinking it +selfish to dwell on her own sufferings, when in the midst of wretches, +who had not only lost all that endears life, but their very selves, her +imagination was occupied with melancholy earnestness to trace the mazes +of misery, through which so many wretches must have passed to this gloomy +receptacle of disjointed souls, to the grand source of human corruption. +Often at midnight was she waked by the dismal shrieks of demoniac rage, +or of excruciating despair, uttered in such wild tones of indescribable +anguish as proved the total absence of reason, and roused phantoms of +horror in her mind, far more terrific than all that dreaming superstition +ever drew. Besides, there was frequently something so inconceivably +picturesque in the varying gestures of unrestrained passion, so +irresistibly comic in their sallies, or so heart-piercingly pathetic in +the little airs they would sing, frequently bursting out after an awful +silence, as to fascinate the attention, and amuse the fancy, while +torturing the soul. It was the uproar of the passions which she was +compelled to observe; and to mark the lucid beam of reason, like a light +trembling in a socket, or like the flash which divides the threatening +clouds of angry heaven only to display the horrors which darkness +shrouded. + +Jemima would labour to beguile the tedious evenings, by describing the +persons and manners of the unfortunate beings, whose figures or voices +awoke sympathetic sorrow in Maria's bosom; and the stories she told were +the more interesting, for perpetually leaving room to conjecture +something extraordinary. Still Maria, accustomed to generalize her +observations, was led to conclude from all she heard, that it was a +vulgar error to suppose that people of abilities were the most apt to +lose the command of reason. On the contrary, from most of the instances +she could investigate, she thought it resulted, that the passions only +appeared strong and disproportioned, because the judgment was weak and +unexercised; and that they gained strength by the decay of reason, as the +shadows lengthen during the sun's decline. + +Maria impatiently wished to see her fellow-sufferer; but Darnford was +still more earnest to obtain an interview. Accustomed to submit to every +impulse of passion, and never taught, like women, to restrain the most +natural, and acquire, instead of the bewitching frankness of nature, a +factitious propriety of behaviour, every desire became a torrent that +bore down all opposition. + +His travelling trunk, which contained the books lent to Maria, had been +sent to him, and with a part of its contents he bribed his principal +keeper; who, after receiving the most solemn promise that he would return +to his apartment without attempting to explore any part of the house, +conducted him, in the dusk of the evening, to Maria's room. + +Jemima had apprized her charge of the visit, and she expected with +trembling impatience, inspired by a vague hope that he might again prove +her deliverer, to see a man who had before rescued her from oppression. +He entered with an animation of countenance, formed to captivate an +enthusiast; and, hastily turned his eyes from her to the apartment, which +he surveyed with apparent emotions of compassionate indignation. +Sympathy illuminated his eye, and, taking her hand, he respectfully bowed +on it, exclaiming--"This is extraordinary!--again to meet you, and in +such circumstances!" Still, impressive as was the coincidence of events +which brought them once more together, their full hearts did not +overflow.--[54-A] + + * * * * * + +[And though, after this first visit, they were permitted frequently to +repeat their interviews, they were for some time employed in] a reserved +conversation, to which all the world might have listened; excepting, +when discussing some literary subject, flashes of sentiment, inforced by +each relaxing feature, seemed to remind them that their minds were +already acquainted. + +[By degrees, Darnford entered into the particulars of his story.] In a +few words, he informed her that he had been a thoughtless, extravagant +young man; yet, as he described his faults, they appeared to be the +generous luxuriancy of a noble mind. Nothing like meanness tarnished the +lustre of his youth, nor had the worm of selfishness lurked in the +unfolding bud, even while he had been the dupe of others. Yet he tardily +acquired the experience necessary to guard him against future imposition. + +"I shall weary you," continued he, "by my egotism; and did not powerful +emotions draw me to you,"--his eyes glistened as he spoke, and a +trembling seemed to run through his manly frame,--"I would not waste +these precious moments in talking of myself. + +"My father and mother were people of fashion; married by their parents. +He was fond of the turf, she of the card-table. I, and two or three other +children since dead, were kept at home till we became intolerable. My +father and mother had a visible dislike to each other, continually +displayed; the servants were of the depraved kind usually found in the +houses of people of fortune. My brothers and parents all dying, I was +left to the care of guardians, and sent to Eton. I never knew the sweets +of domestic affection, but I felt the want of indulgence and frivolous +respect at school. I will not disgust you with a recital of the vices of +my youth, which can scarcely be comprehended by female delicacy. I was +taught to love by a creature I am ashamed to mention; and the other women +with whom I afterwards became intimate, were of a class of which you can +have no knowledge. I formed my acquaintance with them at the theatres; +and, when vivacity danced in their eyes, I was not easily disgusted by +the vulgarity which flowed from their lips. Having spent, a few years +after I was of age, [the whole of] a considerable patrimony, excepting a +few hundreds, I had no recourse but to purchase a commission in a +new-raised regiment, destined to subjugate America. The regret I felt to +renounce a life of pleasure, was counter-balanced by the curiosity I had +to see America, or rather to travel; [nor had any of those circumstances +occurred to my youth, which might have been calculated] to bind my +country to my heart. I shall not trouble you with the details of a +military life. My blood was still kept in motion; till, towards the close +of the contest, I was wounded and taken prisoner. + +"Confined to my bed, or chair, by a lingering cure, my only refuge from +the preying activity of my mind, was books, which I read with great +avidity, profiting by the conversation of my host, a man of sound +understanding. My political sentiments now underwent a total change; and, +dazzled by the hospitality of the Americans, I determined to take up my +abode with freedom. I, therefore, with my usual impetuosity, sold my +commission, and travelled into the interior parts of the country, to lay +out my money to advantage. Added to this, I did not much like the +puritanical manners of the large towns. Inequality of condition was there +most disgustingly galling. The only pleasure wealth afforded, was to make +an ostentatious display of it; for the cultivation of the fine arts, or +literature, had not introduced into the first circles that polish of +manners which renders the rich so essentially superior to the poor in +Europe. Added to this, an influx of vices had been let in by the +Revolution, and the most rigid principles of religion shaken to the +centre, before the understanding could be gradually emancipated from the +prejudices which led their ancestors undauntedly to seek an inhospitable +clime and unbroken soil. The resolution, that led them, in pursuit of +independence, to embark on rivers like seas, to search for unknown +shores, and to sleep under the hovering mists of endless forests, whose +baleful damps agued their limbs, was now turned into commercial +speculations, till the national character exhibited a phenomenon in the +history of the human mind--a head enthusiastically enterprising, with +cold selfishness of heart. And woman, lovely woman!--they charm every +where--still there is a degree of prudery, and a want of taste and ease +in the manners of the American women, that renders them, in spite of +their roses and lilies, far inferior to our European charmers. In the +country, they have often a bewitching simplicity of character; but, in +the cities, they have all the airs and ignorance of the ladies who give +the tone to the circles of the large trading towns in England. They are +fond of their ornaments, merely because they are good, and not because +they embellish their persons; and are more gratified to inspire the women +with jealousy of these exterior advantages, than the men with love. All +the frivolity which often (excuse me, Madam) renders the society of +modest women so stupid in England, here seemed to throw still more leaden +fetters on their charms. Not being an adept in gallantry, I found that I +could only keep myself awake in their company by making downright love to +them. + +"But, not to intrude on your patience, I retired to the track of land +which I had purchased in the country, and my time passed pleasantly +enough while I cut down the trees, built my house, and planted my +different crops. But winter and idleness came, and I longed for more +elegant society, to hear what was passing in the world, and to do +something better than vegetate with the animals that made a very +considerable part of my household. Consequently, I determined to travel. +Motion was a substitute for variety of objects; and, passing over immense +tracks of country, I exhausted my exuberant spirits, without obtaining +much experience. I every where saw industry the fore-runner and not the +consequence, of luxury; but this country, every thing being on an ample +scale, did not afford those picturesque views, which a certain degree of +cultivation is necessary gradually to produce. The eye wandered without +an object to fix upon over immeasureable plains, and lakes that seemed +replenished by the ocean, whilst eternal forests of small clustering +trees, obstructed the circulation of air, and embarrassed the path, +without gratifying the eye of taste. No cottage smiling in the waste, no +travellers hailed us, to give life to silent nature; or, if perchance we +saw the print of a footstep in our path, it was a dreadful warning to +turn aside; and the head ached as if assailed by the scalping knife. The +Indians who hovered on the skirts of the European settlements had only +learned of their neighbours to plunder, and they stole their guns from +them to do it with more safety. + +"From the woods and back settlements, I returned to the towns, and +learned to eat and drink most valiantly; but without entering into +commerce (and I detested commerce) I found I could not live there; and, +growing heartily weary of the land of liberty and vulgar aristocracy, +seated on her bags of dollars, I resolved once more to visit Europe. I +wrote to a distant relation in England, with whom I had been educated, +mentioning the vessel in which I intended to sail. Arriving in London, my +senses were intoxicated. I ran from street to street, from theatre to +theatre, and the women of the town (again I must beg pardon for my +habitual frankness) appeared to me like angels. + +"A week was spent in this thoughtless manner, when, returning very late +to the hotel in which I had lodged ever since my arrival, I was knocked +down in a private street, and hurried, in a state of insensibility, into +a coach, which brought me hither, and I only recovered my senses to be +treated like one who had lost them. My keepers are deaf to my +remonstrances and enquiries, yet assure me that my confinement shall not +last long. Still I cannot guess, though I weary myself with conjectures, +why I am confined, or in what part of England this house is situated. I +imagine sometimes that I hear the sea roar, and wished myself again on +the Atlantic, till I had a glimpse of you[65-A]." + +A few moments were only allowed to Maria to comment on this narrative, +when Darnford left her to her own thoughts, to the "never ending, still +beginning," task of weighing his words, recollecting his tones of voice, +and feeling them reverberate on her heart. + +FOOTNOTES: + +[54-A] The copy which had received the author's last corrections, breaks +off in this place, and the pages which follow, to the end of Chap. IV, +are printed from a copy in a less finished state. + +[65-A] The introduction of Darnford as the deliverer of Maria in a former +instance, appears to have been an after-thought of the author. This has +occasioned the omission of any allusion to that circumstance in the +preceding narration. + +EDITOR. + + + + +CHAP. IV. + + +PITY, and the forlorn seriousness of adversity, have both been considered +as dispositions favourable to love, while satirical writers have +attributed the propensity to the relaxing effect of idleness, what chance +then had Maria of escaping, when pity, sorrow, and solitude all conspired +to soften her mind, and nourish romantic wishes, and, from a natural +progress, romantic expectations? + +Maria was six-and-twenty. But, such was the native soundness of her +constitution, that time had only given to her countenance the character +of her mind. Revolving thought, and exercised affections had banished +some of the playful graces of innocence, producing insensibly that +irregularity of features which the struggles of the understanding to +trace or govern the strong emotions of the heart, are wont to imprint on +the yielding mass. Grief and care had mellowed, without obscuring, the +bright tints of youth, and the thoughtfulness which resided on her brow +did not take from the feminine softness of her features; nay, such was +the sensibility which often mantled over it, that she frequently +appeared, like a large proportion of her sex, only born to feel; and the +activity of her well-proportioned, and even almost voluptuous figure, +inspired the idea of strength of mind, rather than of body. There was a +simplicity sometimes indeed in her manner, which bordered on infantine +ingenuousness, that led people of common discernment to underrate her +talents, and smile at the flights of her imagination. But those who could +not comprehend the delicacy of her sentiments, were attached by her +unfailing sympathy, so that she was very generally beloved by characters +of very different descriptions; still, she was too much under the +influence of an ardent imagination to adhere to common rules. + +There are mistakes of conduct which at five-and-twenty prove the strength +of the mind, that, ten or fifteen years after, would demonstrate its +weakness, its incapacity to acquire a sane judgment. The youths who are +satisfied with the ordinary pleasures of life, and do not sigh after +ideal phantoms of love and friendship, will never arrive at great +maturity of understanding; but if these reveries are cherished, as is too +frequently the case with women, when experience ought to have taught +them in what human happiness consists, they become as useless as they are +wretched. Besides, their pains and pleasures are so dependent on outward +circumstances, on the objects of their affections, that they seldom act +from the impulse of a nerved mind, able to choose its own pursuit. + +Having had to struggle incessantly with the vices of mankind, Maria's +imagination found repose in pourtraying the possible virtues the world +might contain. Pygmalion formed an ivory maid, and longed for an +informing soul. She, on the contrary, combined all the qualities of a +hero's mind, and fate presented a statue in which she might enshrine +them. + +We mean not to trace the progress of this passion, or recount how often +Darnford and Maria were obliged to part in the midst of an interesting +conversation. Jemima ever watched on the tip-toe of fear, and frequently +separated them on a false alarm, when they would have given worlds to +remain a little longer together. + +A magic lamp now seemed to be suspended in Maria's prison, and fairy +landscapes flitted round the gloomy walls, late so blank. Rushing from +the depth of despair, on the seraph wing of hope, she found herself +happy.--She was beloved, and every emotion was rapturous. + +To Darnford she had not shown a decided affection; the fear of outrunning +his, a sure proof of love, made her often assume a coldness and +indifference foreign from her character; and, even when giving way to the +playful emotions of a heart just loosened from the frozen bond of grief, +there was a delicacy in her manner of expressing her sensibility, which +made him doubt whether it was the effect of love. + +One evening, when Jemima left them, to listen to the sound of a distant +footstep, which seemed cautiously to approach, he seized Maria's hand--it +was not withdrawn. They conversed with earnestness of their situation; +and, during the conversation, he once or twice gently drew her towards +him. He felt the fragrance of her breath, and longed, yet feared, to +touch the lips from which it issued; spirits of purity seemed to guard +them, while all the enchanting graces of love sported on her cheeks, and +languished in her eyes. + +Jemima entering, he reflected on his diffidence with poignant regret, +and, she once more taking alarm, he ventured, as Maria stood near his +chair, to approach her lips with a declaration of love. She drew back +with solemnity, he hung down his head abashed; but lifting his eyes +timidly, they met her's; she had determined, during that instant, and +suffered their rays to mingle. He took, with more ardour, reassured, a +half-consenting, half-reluctant kiss, reluctant only from modesty; and +there was a sacredness in her dignified manner of reclining her glowing +face on his shoulder, that powerfully impressed him. Desire was lost in +more ineffable emotions, and to protect her from insult and sorrow--to +make her happy, seemed not only the first wish of his heart, but the most +noble duty of his life. Such angelic confidence demanded the fidelity of +honour; but could he, feeling her in every pulsation, could he ever +change, could he be a villain? The emotion with which she, for a moment, +allowed herself to be pressed to his bosom, the tear of rapturous +sympathy, mingled with a soft melancholy sentiment of recollected +disappointment, said--more of truth and faithfulness, than the tongue +could have given utterance to in hours! They were silent--yet discoursed, +how eloquently? till, after a moment's reflection, Maria drew her chair +by the side of his, and, with a composed sweetness of voice, and +supernatural benignity of countenance, said, "I must open my whole heart +to you; you must be told who I am, why I am here, and why, telling you I +am a wife, I blush not to"--the blush spoke the rest. + +Jemima was again at her elbow, and the restraint of her presence did not +prevent an animated conversation, in which love, sly urchin, was ever at +bo-peep. + +So much of heaven did they enjoy, that paradise bloomed around them; or +they, by a powerful spell, had been transported into Armida's garden. +Love, the grand enchanter, "lapt them in Elysium," and every sense was +harmonized to joy and social extacy. So animated, indeed, were their +accents of tenderness, in discussing what, in other circumstances, would +have been common-place subjects, that Jemima felt, with surprise, a tear +of pleasure trickling down her rugged cheeks. She wiped it away, half +ashamed; and when Maria kindly enquired the cause, with all the eager +solicitude of a happy being wishing to impart to all nature its +overflowing felicity, Jemima owned that it was the first tear that social +enjoyment had ever drawn from her. She seemed indeed to breathe more +freely; the cloud of suspicion cleared away from her brow; she felt +herself, for once in her life, treated like a fellow-creature. + +Imagination! who can paint thy power; or reflect the evanescent tints of +hope fostered by thee? A despondent gloom had long obscured Maria's +horizon--now the sun broke forth, the rainbow appeared, and every +prospect was fair. Horror still reigned in the darkened cells, suspicion +lurked in the passages, and whispered along the walls. The yells of men +possessed, sometimes made them pause, and wonder that they felt so happy, +in a tomb of living death. They even chid themselves for such apparent +insensibility; still the world contained not three happier beings. And +Jemima, after again patrolling the passage, was so softened by the air of +confidence which breathed around her, that she voluntarily began an +account of herself. + + + + +CHAP. V. + + +"MY father," said Jemima, "seduced my mother, a pretty girl, with whom he +lived fellow-servant; and she no sooner perceived the natural, the +dreaded consequence, than the terrible conviction flashed on her--that +she was ruined. Honesty, and a regard for her reputation, had been the +only principles inculcated by her mother; and they had been so forcibly +impressed, that she feared shame, more than the poverty to which it would +lead. Her incessant importunities to prevail upon my father to screen her +from reproach by marrying her, as he had promised in the fervour of +seduction, estranged him from her so completely, that her very person +became distasteful to him; and he began to hate, as well as despise me, +before I was born. + +"My mother, grieved to the soul by his neglect, and unkind treatment, +actually resolved to famish herself; and injured her health by the +attempt; though she had not sufficient resolution to adhere to her +project, or renounce it entirely. Death came not at her call; yet sorrow, +and the methods she adopted to conceal her condition, still doing the +work of a house-maid, had such an effect on her constitution, that she +died in the wretched garret, where her virtuous mistress had forced her +to take refuge in the very pangs of labour, though my father, after a +slight reproof, was allowed to remain in his place--allowed by the mother +of six children, who, scarcely permitting a footstep to be heard, during +her month's indulgence, felt no sympathy for the poor wretch, denied +every comfort required by her situation. + +"The day my mother died, the ninth after my birth, I was consigned to the +care of the cheapest nurse my father could find; who suckled her own +child at the same time, and lodged as many more as she could get, in two +cellar-like apartments. + +"Poverty, and the habit of seeing children die off her hands, had so +hardened her heart, that the office of a mother did not awaken the +tenderness of a woman; nor were the feminine caresses which seem a part +of the rearing of a child, ever bestowed on me. The chicken has a wing to +shelter under; but I had no bosom to nestle in, no kindred warmth to +foster me. Left in dirt, to cry with cold and hunger till I was weary, +and sleep without ever being prepared by exercise, or lulled by kindness +to rest; could I be expected to become any thing but a weak and rickety +babe? Still, in spite of neglect, I continued to exist, to learn to curse +existence," her countenance grew ferocious as she spoke, "and the +treatment that rendered me miserable, seemed to sharpen my wits. Confined +then in a damp hovel, to rock the cradle of the succeeding tribe, I +looked like a little old woman, or a hag shrivelling into nothing. The +furrows of reflection and care contracted the youthful cheek, and gave a +sort of supernatural wildness to the ever watchful eye. During this +period, my father had married another fellow-servant, who loved him less, +and knew better how to manage his passion, than my mother. She likewise +proving with child, they agreed to keep a shop: my step-mother, if, being +an illegitimate offspring, I may venture thus to characterize her, having +obtained a sum of a rich relation, for that purpose. + +"Soon after her lying-in, she prevailed on my father to take me home, to +save the expence of maintaining me, and of hiring a girl to assist her in +the care of the child. I was young, it was true, but appeared a knowing +little thing, and might be made handy. Accordingly I was brought to her +house; but not to a home--for a home I never knew. Of this child, a +daughter, she was extravagantly fond; and it was a part of my employment, +to assist to spoil her, by humouring all her whims, and bearing all her +caprices. Feeling her own consequence, before she could speak, she had +learned the art of tormenting me, and if I ever dared to resist, I +received blows, laid on with no compunctious hand, or was sent to bed +dinnerless, as well as supperless. I said that it was a part of my daily +labour to attend this child, with the servility of a slave; still it was +but a part. I was sent out in all seasons, and from place to place, to +carry burdens far above my strength, without being allowed to draw near +the fire, or ever being cheered by encouragement or kindness. No wonder +then, treated like a creature of another species, that I began to envy, +and at length to hate, the darling of the house. Yet, I perfectly +remember, that it was the caresses, and kind expressions of my +step-mother, which first excited my jealous discontent. Once, I cannot +forget it, when she was calling in vain her wayward child to kiss her, I +ran to her, saying, 'I will kiss you, ma'am!' and how did my heart, which +was in my mouth, sink, what was my debasement of soul, when pushed away +with--'I do not want you, pert thing!' Another day, when a new gown had +excited the highest good humour, and she uttered the appropriate _dear_, +addressed unexpectedly to me, I thought I could never do enough to please +her; I was all alacrity, and rose proportionably in my own estimation. + +"As her daughter grew up, she was pampered with cakes and fruit, while I +was, literally speaking, fed with the refuse of the table, with her +leavings. A liquorish tooth is, I believe, common to children, and I used +to steal any thing sweet, that I could catch up with a chance of +concealment. When detected, she was not content to chastize me herself at +the moment, but, on my father's return in the evening (he was a shopman), +the principal discourse was to recount my faults, and attribute them to +the wicked disposition which I had brought into the world with me, +inherited from my mother. He did not fail to leave the marks of his +resentment on my body, and then solaced himself by playing with my +sister.--I could have murdered her at those moments. To save myself from +these unmerciful corrections, I resorted to falshood, and the untruths +which I sturdily maintained, were brought in judgment against me, to +support my tyrant's inhuman charge of my natural propensity to vice. +Seeing me treated with contempt, and always being fed and dressed +better, my sister conceived a contemptuous opinion of me, that proved an +obstacle to all affection; and my father, hearing continually of my +faults, began to consider me as a curse entailed on him for his sins: he +was therefore easily prevailed on to bind me apprentice to one of my +step-mother's friends, who kept a slop-shop in Wapping. I was represented +(as it was said) in my true colours; but she, 'warranted,' snapping her +fingers, 'that she should break my spirit or heart.' + +"My mother replied, with a whine, 'that if any body could make me better, +it was such a clever woman as herself; though, for her own part, she had +tried in vain; but good-nature was her fault.' + +"I shudder with horror, when I recollect the treatment I had now to +endure. Not only under the lash of my task-mistress, but the drudge of +the maid, apprentices and children, I never had a taste of human kindness +to soften the rigour of perpetual labour. I had been introduced as an +object of abhorrence into the family; as a creature of whom my +step-mother, though she had been kind enough to let me live in the house +with her own child, could make nothing. I was described as a wretch, +whose nose must be kept to the grinding stone--and it was held there with +an iron grasp. It seemed indeed the privilege of their superior nature to +kick me about, like the dog or cat. If I were attentive, I was called +fawning, if refractory, an obstinate mule, and like a mule I received +their censure on my loaded back. Often has my mistress, for some +instance of forgetfulness, thrown me from one side of the kitchen to the +other, knocked my head against the wall, spit in my face, with various +refinements on barbarity that I forbear to enumerate, though they were +all acted over again by the servant, with additional insults, to which +the appellation of _bastard_, was commonly added, with taunts or sneers. +But I will not attempt to give you an adequate idea of my situation, lest +you, who probably have never been drenched with the dregs of human +misery, should think I exaggerate. + +"I stole now, from absolute necessity,--bread; yet whatever else was +taken, which I had it not in my power to take, was ascribed to me. I was +the filching cat, the ravenous dog, the dumb brute, who must bear all; +for if I endeavoured to exculpate myself, I was silenced, without any +enquiries being made, with 'Hold your tongue, you never tell truth.' Even +the very air I breathed was tainted with scorn; for I was sent to the +neighbouring shops with Glutton, Liar, or Thief, written on my forehead. +This was, at first, the most bitter punishment; but sullen pride, or a +kind of stupid desperation, made me, at length, almost regardless of the +contempt, which had wrung from me so many solitary tears at the only +moments when I was allowed to rest. + +"Thus was I the mark of cruelty till my sixteenth year; and then I have +only to point out a change of misery; for a period I never knew. Allow me +first to make one observation. Now I look back, I cannot help +attributing the greater part of my misery, to the misfortune of having +been thrown into the world without the grand support of life--a mother's +affection. I had no one to love me; or to make me respected, to enable me +to acquire respect. I was an egg dropped on the sand; a pauper by nature, +shunted from family to family, who belonged to nobody--and nobody cared +for me. I was despised from my birth, and denied the chance of obtaining +a footing for myself in society. Yes; I had not even the chance of being +considered as a fellow-creature--yet all the people with whom I lived, +brutalized as they were by the low cunning of trade, and the despicable +shifts of poverty, were not without bowels, though they never yearned for +me. I was, in fact, born a slave, and chained by infamy to slavery +during the whole of existence, without having any companions to alleviate +it by sympathy, or teach me how to rise above it by their example. But, +to resume the thread of my tale-- + +"At sixteen, I suddenly grew tall, and something like comeliness appeared +on a Sunday, when I had time to wash my face, and put on clean clothes. +My master had once or twice caught hold of me in the passage; but I +instinctively avoided his disgusting caresses. One day however, when the +family were at a methodist meeting, he contrived to be alone in the house +with me, and by blows--yes; blows and menaces, compelled me to submit to +his ferocious desire; and, to avoid my mistress's fury, I was obliged in +future to comply, and skulk to my loft at his command, in spite of +increasing loathing. + +"The anguish which was now pent up in my bosom, seemed to open a new +world to me: I began to extend my thoughts beyond myself, and grieve for +human misery, till I discovered, with horror--ah! what horror!--that I +was with child. I know not why I felt a mixed sensation of despair and +tenderness, excepting that, ever called a bastard, a bastard appeared to +me an object of the greatest compassion in creation. + +"I communicated this dreadful circumstance to my master, who was almost +equally alarmed at the intelligence; for he feared his wife, and public +censure at the meeting. After some weeks of deliberation had elapsed, I +in continual fear that my altered shape would be noticed, my master gave +me a medicine in a phial, which he desired me to take, telling me, +without any circumlocution, for what purpose it was designed. I burst +into tears, I thought it was killing myself--yet was such a self as I +worth preserving? He cursed me for a fool, and left me to my own +reflections. I could not resolve to take this infernal potion; but I +wrapped it up in an old gown, and hid it in a corner of my box. + +"Nobody yet suspected me, because they had been accustomed to view me as +a creature of another species. But the threatening storm at last broke +over my devoted head--never shall I forget it! One Sunday evening when I +was left, as usual, to take care of the house, my master came home +intoxicated, and I became the prey of his brutal appetite. His extreme +intoxication made him forget his customary caution, and my mistress +entered and found us in a situation that could not have been more hateful +to her than me. Her husband was 'pot-valiant,' he feared her not at the +moment, nor had he then much reason, for she instantly turned the whole +force of her anger another way. She tore off my cap, scratched, kicked, +and buffetted me, till she had exhausted her strength, declaring, as she +rested her arm, 'that I had wheedled her husband from her.--But, could +any thing better be expected from a wretch, whom she had taken into her +house out of pure charity?' What a torrent of abuse rushed out? till, +almost breathless, she concluded with saying, 'that I was born a +strumpet; it ran in my blood, and nothing good could come to those who +harboured me.' + +"My situation was, of course, discovered, and she declared that I should +not stay another night under the same roof with an honest family. I was +therefore pushed out of doors, and my trumpery thrown after me, when it +had been contemptuously examined in the passage, lest I should have +stolen any thing. + +"Behold me then in the street, utterly destitute! Whither could I creep +for shelter? To my father's roof I had no claim, when not pursued by +shame--now I shrunk back as from death, from my mother's cruel +reproaches, my father's execrations. I could not endure to hear him curse +the day I was born, though life had been a curse to me. Of death I +thought, but with a confused emotion of terror, as I stood leaning my +head on a post, and starting at every footstep, lest it should be my +mistress coming to tear my heart out. One of the boys of the shop passing +by, heard my tale, and immediately repaired to his master, to give him a +description of my situation; and he touched the right key--the scandal it +would give rise to, if I were left to repeat my tale to every enquirer. +This plea came home to his reason, who had been sobered by his wife's +rage, the fury of which fell on him when I was out of her reach, and he +sent the boy to me with half-a-guinea, desiring him to conduct me to a +house, where beggars, and other wretches, the refuse of society, nightly +lodged. + +"This night was spent in a state of stupefaction, or desperation. I +detested mankind, and abhorred myself. + +"In the morning I ventured out, to throw myself in my master's way, at +his usual hour of going abroad. I approached him, he 'damned me for a +b----, declared I had disturbed the peace of the family, and that he had +sworn to his wife, never to take any more notice of me.' He left me; but, +instantly returning, he told me that he should speak to his friend, a +parish-officer, to get a nurse for the brat I laid to him; and advised +me, if I wished to keep out of the house of correction, not to make free +with his name. + +"I hurried back to my hole, and, rage giving place to despair, sought for +the potion that was to procure abortion, and swallowed it, with a wish +that it might destroy me, at the same time that it stopped the sensations +of new-born life, which I felt with indescribable emotion. My head +turned round, my heart grew sick, and in the horrors of approaching +dissolution, mental anguish was swallowed up. The effect of the medicine +was violent, and I was confined to my bed several days; but, youth and a +strong constitution prevailing, I once more crawled out, to ask myself +the cruel question, 'Whither I should go?' I had but two shillings left +in my pocket, the rest had been expended, by a poor woman who slept in +the same room, to pay for my lodging, and purchase the necessaries of +which she partook. + +"With this wretch I went into the neighbouring streets to beg, and my +disconsolate appearance drew a few pence from the idle, enabling me still +to command a bed; till, recovering from my illness, and taught to put on +my rags to the best advantage, I was accosted from different motives, and +yielded to the desire of the brutes I met, with the same detestation that +I had felt for my still more brutal master. I have since read in novels +of the blandishments of seduction, but I had not even the pleasure of +being enticed into vice. + +"I shall not," interrupted Jemima, "lead your imagination into all the +scenes of wretchedness and depravity, which I was condemned to view; or +mark the different stages of my debasing misery. Fate dragged me through +the very kennels of society; I was still a slave, a bastard, a common +property. Become familiar with vice, for I wish to conceal nothing from +you, I picked the pockets of the drunkards who abused me; and proved by +my conduct, that I deserved the epithets, with which they loaded me at +moments when distrust ought to cease. + +"Detesting my nightly occupation, though valuing, if I may so use the +word, my independence, which only consisted in choosing the street in +which I should wander, or the roof, when I had money, in which I should +hide my head, I was some time before I could prevail on myself to accept +of a place in a house of ill fame, to which a girl, with whom I had +accidentally conversed in the street, had recommended me. I had been +hunted almost into a a fever, by the watchmen of the quarter of the town +I frequented; one, whom I had unwittingly offended, giving the word to +the whole pack. You can scarcely conceive the tyranny exercised by these +wretches: considering themselves as the instruments of the very laws they +violate, the pretext which steels their conscience, hardens their heart. +Not content with receiving from us, outlaws of society (let other women +talk of favours) a brutal gratification gratuitously as a privilege of +office, they extort a tithe of prostitution, and harrass with threats the +poor creatures whose occupation affords not the means to silence the +growl of avarice. To escape from this persecution, I once more entered +into servitude. + +"A life of comparative regularity restored my health; and--do not +start--my manners were improved, in a situation where vice sought to +render itself alluring, and taste was cultivated to fashion the person, +if not to refine the mind. Besides, the common civility of speech, +contrasted with the gross vulgarity to which I had been accustomed, was +something like the polish of civilization. I was not shut out from all +intercourse of humanity. Still I was galled by the yoke of service, and +my mistress often flying into violent fits of passion, made me dread a +sudden dismission, which I understood was always the case. I was +therefore prevailed on, though I felt a horror of men, to accept the +offer of a gentleman, rather in the decline of years, to keep his house, +pleasantly situated in a little village near Hampstead. + +"He was a man of great talents, and of brilliant wit; but, a worn-out +votary of voluptuousness, his desires became fastidious in proportion as +they grew weak, and the native tenderness of his heart was undermined by +a vitiated imagination. A thoughtless career of libertinism and social +enjoyment, had injured his health to such a degree, that, whatever +pleasure his conversation afforded me (and my esteem was ensured by +proofs of the generous humanity of his disposition), the being his +mistress was purchasing it at a very dear rate. With such a keen +perception of the delicacies of sentiment, with an imagination +invigorated by the exercise of genius, how could he sink into the +grossness of sensuality! + +"But, to pass over a subject which I recollect with pain, I must remark +to you, as an answer to your often-repeated question, 'Why my sentiments +and language were superior to my station?' that I now began to read, to +beguile the tediousness of solitude, and to gratify an inquisitive, +active mind. I had often, in my childhood, followed a ballad-singer, to +hear the sequel of a dismal story, though sure of being severely punished +for delaying to return with whatever I was sent to purchase. I could just +spell and put a sentence together, and I listened to the various +arguments, though often mingled with obscenity, which occurred at the +table where I was allowed to preside: for a literary friend or two +frequently came home with my master, to dine and pass the night. Having +lost the privileged respect of my sex, my presence, instead of +restraining, perhaps gave the reins to their tongues; still I had the +advantage of hearing discussions, from which, in the common course of +life, women are excluded. + +"You may easily imagine, that it was only by degrees that I could +comprehend some of the subjects they investigated, or acquire from their +reasoning what might be termed a moral sense. But my fondness of reading +increasing, and my master occasionally shutting himself up in this +retreat, for weeks together, to write, I had many opportunities of +improvement. At first, considering money I was right!" (exclaimed Jemima, +altering her tone of voice) "as the only means, after my loss of +reputation, of obtaining respect, or even the toleration of humanity, I +had not the least scruple to secrete a part of the sums intrusted to me, +and to screen myself from detection by a system of falshood. But, +acquiring new principles, I began to have the ambition of returning to +the respectable part of society, and was weak enough to suppose it +possible. The attention of my unassuming instructor, who, without being +ignorant of his own powers, possessed great simplicity of manners, +strengthened the illusion. Having sometimes caught up hints for thought, +from my untutored remarks, he often led me to discuss the subjects he was +treating, and would read to me his productions, previous to their +publication, wishing to profit by the criticism of unsophisticated +feeling. The aim of his writings was to touch the simple springs of the +heart; for he despised the would-be oracles, the self-elected +philosophers, who fright away fancy, while sifting each grain of thought +to prove that slowness of comprehension is wisdom. + +"I should have distinguished this as a moment of sunshine, a happy period +in my life, had not the repugnance the disgusting libertinism of my +protector inspired, daily become more painful.--And, indeed, I soon did +recollect it as such with agony, when his sudden death (for he had +recourse to the most exhilarating cordials to keep up the convivial tone +of his spirits) again threw me into the desert of human society. Had he +had any time for reflection, I am certain he would have left the little +property in his power to me: but, attacked by the fatal apoplexy in town, +his heir, a man of rigid morals, brought his wife with him to take +possession of the house and effects, before I was even informed of his +death,--'to prevent,' as she took care indirectly to tell me, 'such a +creature as she supposed me to be, from purloining any of them, had I +been apprized of the event in time.' + +"The grief I felt at the sudden shock the information gave me, which at +first had nothing selfish in it, was treated with contempt, and I was +ordered to pack up my clothes; and a few trinkets and books, given me by +the generous deceased, were contested, while they piously hoped, with a +reprobating shake of the head, 'that God would have mercy on his sinful +soul!' With some difficulty, I obtained my arrears of wages; but +asking--such is the spirit-grinding consequence of poverty and +infamy--for a character for honesty and economy, which God knows I +merited, I was told by this--why must I call her woman?--'that it would +go against her conscience to recommend a kept mistress.' Tears started in +my eyes, burning tears; for there are situations in which a wretch is +humbled by the contempt they are conscious they do not deserve. + +"I returned to the metropolis; but the solitude of a poor lodging was +inconceivably dreary, after the society I had enjoyed. To be cut off from +human converse, now I had been taught to relish it, was to wander a ghost +among the living. Besides, I foresaw, to aggravate the severity of my +fate, that my little pittance would soon melt away. I endeavoured to +obtain needlework; but, not having been taught early, and my hands being +rendered clumsy by hard work, I did not sufficiently excel to be employed +by the ready-made linen shops, when so many women, better qualified, were +suing for it. The want of a character prevented my getting a place; for, +irksome as servitude would have been to me, I should have made another +trial, had it been feasible. Not that I disliked employment, but the +inequality of condition to which I must have submitted. I had acquired a +taste for literature, during the five years I had lived with a literary +man, occasionally conversing with men of the first abilities of the age; +and now to descend to the lowest vulgarity, was a degree of wretchedness +not to be imagined unfelt. I had not, it is true, tasted the charms of +affection, but I had been familiar with the graces of humanity. + +"One of the gentlemen, whom I had frequently dined in company with, while +I was treated like a companion, met me in the street, and enquired after +my health. I seized the occasion, and began to describe my situation; but +he was in haste to join, at dinner, a select party of choice spirits; +therefore, without waiting to hear me, he impatiently put a guinea into +my hand, saying, 'It was a pity such a sensible woman should be in +distress--he wished me well from his soul.' + +"To another I wrote, stating my case, and requesting advice. He was an +advocate for unequivocal sincerity; and had often, in my presence, +descanted on the evils which arise in society from the despotism of rank +and riches. + +"In reply, I received a long essay on the energy of the human mind, with +continual allusions to his own force of character. He added, 'That the +woman who could write such a letter as I had sent him, could never be in +want of resources, were she to look into herself, and exert her powers; +misery was the consequence of indolence, and, as to my being shut out +from society, it was the lot of man to submit to certain privations.' + +"How often have I heard," said Jemima, interrupting her narrative, "in +conversation, and read in books, that every person willing to work may +find employment? It is the vague assertion, I believe, of insensible +indolence, when it relates to men; but, with respect to women, I am sure +of its fallacy, unless they will submit to the most menial bodily labour; +and even to be employed at hard labour is out of the reach of many, whose +reputation misfortune or folly has tainted. + +"How writers, professing to be friends to freedom, and the improvement of +morals, can assert that poverty is no evil, I cannot imagine." + +"No more can I," interrupted Maria, "yet they even expatiate on the +peculiar happiness of indigence, though in what it can consist, excepting +in brutal rest, when a man can barely earn a subsistence, I cannot +imagine. The mind is necessarily imprisoned in its own little tenement; +and, fully occupied by keeping it in repair, has not time to rove abroad +for improvement. The book of knowledge is closely clasped, against those +who must fulfil their daily task of severe manual labour or die; and +curiosity, rarely excited by thought or information, seldom moves on the +stagnate lake of ignorance." + +"As far as I have been able to observe," replied Jemima, "prejudices, +caught up by chance, are obstinately maintained by the poor, to the +exclusion of improvement; they have not time to reason or reflect to any +extent, or minds sufficiently exercised to adopt the principles of +action, which form perhaps the only basis of contentment in every +station[114-A]." + + * * * * * + +"And independence," said Darnford, "they are necessarily strangers to, +even the independence of despising their persecutors. If the poor are +happy, or can be happy, _things are very well as they are_. And I cannot +conceive on what principle those writers contend for a change of system, +who support this opinion. The authors on the other side of the question +are much more consistent, who grant the fact; yet, insisting that it is +the lot of the majority to be oppressed in this life, kindly turn them +over to another, to rectify the false weights and measures of this, as +the only way to justify the dispensations of Providence. I have not," +continued Darnford, "an opinion more firmly fixed by observation in my +mind, than that, though riches may fail to produce proportionate +happiness, poverty most commonly excludes it, by shutting up all the +avenues to improvement." + +"And as for the affections," added Maria, with a sigh, "how gross, and +even tormenting do they become, unless regulated by an improving mind! +The culture of the heart ever, I believe, keeps pace with that of the +mind. But pray go on," addressing Jemima, "though your narrative gives +rise to the most painful reflections on the present state of society." + +"Not to trouble you," continued she, "with a detailed description of all +the painful feelings of unavailing exertion, I have only to tell you, +that at last I got recommended to wash in a few families, who did me the +favour to admit me into their houses, without the most strict enquiry, to +wash from one in the morning till eight at night, for eighteen or +twenty-pence a day. On the happiness to be enjoyed over a washing-tub I +need not comment; yet you will allow me to observe, that this was a +wretchedness of situation peculiar to my sex. A man with half my +industry, and, I may say, abilities, could have procured a decent +livelihood, and discharged some of the duties which knit mankind +together; whilst I, who had acquired a taste for the rational, nay, in +honest pride let me assert it, the virtuous enjoyments of life, was cast +aside as the filth of society. Condemned to labour, like a machine, only +to earn bread, and scarcely that, I became melancholy and desperate. + +"I have now to mention a circumstance which fills me with remorse, and +fear it will entirely deprive me of your esteem. A tradesman became +attached to me, and visited me frequently,--and I at last obtained such a +power over him, that he offered to take me home to his house.--Consider, +dear madam, I was famishing: wonder not that I became a wolf!--The only +reason for not taking me home immediately, was the having a girl in the +house, with child by him--and this girl--I advised him--yes, I did! would +I could forget it!--to turn out of doors: and one night he determined to +follow my advice, Poor wretch! she fell upon her knees, reminded him +that he had promised to marry her, that her parents were honest!--What +did it avail?--She was turned out. + +"She approached her father's door, in the skirts of London,--listened at +the shutters,--but could not knock. A watchman had observed her go and +return several times--Poor wretch!--"The remorse Jemima spoke of, seemed +to be stinging her to the soul, as she proceeded." + +"She left it, and, approaching a tub where horses were watered, she sat +down in it, and, with desperate resolution, remained in that +attitude--till resolution was no longer necessary! + +"I happened that morning to be going out to wash, anticipating the moment +when I should escape from such hard labour. I passed by, just as some +men, going to work, drew out the stiff, cold corpse--Let me not recal the +horrid moment!--I recognized her pale visage; I listened to the tale told +by the spectators, and my heart did not burst. I thought of my own state, +and wondered how I could be such a monster!--I worked hard; and, +returning home, I was attacked by a fever. I suffered both in body and +mind. I determined not to live with the wretch. But he did not try me; he +left the neighbourhood. I once more returned to the wash-tub. + +"Still this state, miserable as it was, admitted of aggravation. Lifting +one day a heavy load, a tub fell against my shin, and gave me great pain. +I did not pay much attention to the hurt, till it became a serious wound; +being obliged to work as usual, or starve. But, finding myself at length +unable to stand for any time, I thought of getting into an hospital. +Hospitals, it should seem (for they are comfortless abodes for the sick) +were expressly endowed for the reception of the friendless; yet I, who +had on that plea a right to assistance, wanted the recommendation of the +rich and respectable, and was several weeks languishing for admittance; +fees were demanded on entering; and, what was still more unreasonable, +security for burying me, that expence not coming into the letter of the +charity. A guinea was the stipulated sum--I could as soon have raised a +million; and I was afraid to apply to the parish for an order, lest they +should have passed me, I knew not whither. The poor woman at whose house +I lodged, compassionating my state, got me into the hospital; and the +family where I received the hurt, sent me five shillings, three and +six-pence of which I gave at my admittance--I know not for what. + +"My leg grew quickly better; but I was dismissed before my cure was +completed, because I could not afford to have my linen washed to appear +decently, as the virago of a nurse said, when the gentlemen (the +surgeons) came. I cannot give you an adequate idea of the wretchedness of +an hospital; every thing is left to the care of people intent on gain. +The attendants seem to have lost all feeling of compassion in the +bustling discharge of their offices; death is so familiar to them, that +they are not anxious to ward it off. Every thing appeared to be conducted +for the accommodation of the medical men and their pupils, who came to +make experiments on the poor, for the benefit of the rich. One of the +physicians, I must not forget to mention, gave me half-a-crown, and +ordered me some wine, when I was at the lowest ebb. I thought of making +my case known to the lady-like matron; but her forbidding countenance +prevented me. She condescended to look on the patients, and make general +enquiries, two or three times a week; but the nurses knew the hour when +the visit of ceremony would commence, and every thing was as it should +be. + +"After my dismission, I was more at a loss than ever for a subsistence, +and, not to weary you with a repetition of the same unavailing attempts, +unable to stand at the washing-tub, I began to consider the rich and poor +as natural enemies, and became a thief from principle. I could not now +cease to reason, but I hated mankind. I despised myself, yet I justified +my conduct. I was taken, tried, and condemned to six months' imprisonment +in a house of correction. My soul recoils with horror from the +remembrance of the insults I had to endure, till, branded with shame, I +was turned loose in the street, pennyless. I wandered from street to +street, till, exhausted by hunger and fatigue, I sunk down senseless at a +door, where I had vainly demanded a morsel of bread. I was sent by the +inhabitant to the work-house, to which he had surlily bid me go, saying, +he 'paid enough in conscience to the poor,' when, with parched tongue, I +implored his charity. If those well-meaning people who exclaim against +beggars, were acquainted with the treatment the poor receive in many of +these wretched asylums, they would not stifle so easily involuntary +sympathy, by saying that they have all parishes to go to, or wonder that +the poor dread to enter the gloomy walls. What are the common run of +work-houses, but prisons, in which many respectable old people, worn out +by immoderate labour, sink into the grave in sorrow, to which they are +carried like dogs!" + +Alarmed by some indistinct noise, Jemima rose hastily to listen, and +Maria, turning to Darnford, said, "I have indeed been shocked beyond +expression when I have met a pauper's funeral. A coffin carried on the +shoulders of three or four ill-looking wretches, whom the imagination +might easily convert into a band of assassins, hastening to conceal the +corpse, and quarrelling about the prey on their way. I know it is of +little consequence how we are consigned to the earth; but I am led by +this brutal insensibility, to what even the animal creation appears +forcibly to feel, to advert to the wretched, deserted manner in which +they died." + +"True," rejoined Darnford, "and, till the rich will give more than a part +of their wealth, till they will give time and attention to the wants of +the distressed, never let them boast of charity. Let them open their +hearts, and not their purses, and employ their minds in the service, if +they are really actuated by humanity; or charitable institutions will +always be the prey of the lowest order of knaves." + +Jemima returning, seemed in haste to finish her tale. "The overseer +farmed the poor of different parishes, and out of the bowels of poverty +was wrung the money with which he purchased this dwelling, as a private +receptacle for madness. He had been a keeper at a house of the same +description, and conceived that he could make money much more readily in +his old occupation. He is a shrewd--shall I say it?--villain. He observed +something resolute in my manner, and offered to take me with him, and +instruct me how to treat the disturbed minds he meant to intrust to my +care. The offer of forty pounds a year, and to quit a workhouse, was not +to be despised, though the condition of shutting my eyes and hardening my +heart was annexed to it. + +"I agreed to accompany him; and four years have I been attendant on many +wretches, and"--she lowered her voice,--"the witness of many enormities. +In solitude my mind seemed to recover its force, and many of the +sentiments which I imbibed in the only tolerable period of my life, +returned with their full force. Still what should induce me to be the +champion for suffering humanity?--Who ever risked any thing for me?--Who +ever acknowledged me to be a fellow-creature?"-- + +Maria took her hand, and Jemima, more overcome by kindness than she had +ever been by cruelty, hastened out of the room to conceal her emotions. + +Darnford soon after heard his summons, and, taking leave of him, Maria +promised to gratify his curiosity, with respect to herself, the first +opportunity. + +FOOTNOTES: + +[114-A] The copy which appears to have received the author's last +corrections, ends at this place. + + + + +CHAP. VI. + + +ACTIVE as love was in the heart of Maria, the story she had just heard +made her thoughts take a wider range. The opening buds of hope closed, as +if they had put forth too early, and the the happiest day of her life was +overcast by the most melancholy reflections. Thinking of Jemima's +peculiar fate and her own, she was led to consider the oppressed state of +women, and to lament that she had given birth to a daughter. Sleep fled +from her eyelids, while she dwelt on the wretchedness of unprotected +infancy, till sympathy with Jemima changed to agony, when it seemed +probable that her own babe might even now be in the very state she so +forcibly described. + +Maria thought, and thought again. Jemima's humanity had rather been +benumbed than killed, by the keen frost she had to brave at her entrance +into life; an appeal then to her feelings, on this tender point, surely +would not be fruitless; and Maria began to anticipate the delight it +would afford her to gain intelligence of her child. This project was now +the only subject of reflection; and she watched impatiently for the dawn +of day, with that determinate purpose which generally insures success. + +At the usual hour, Jemima brought her breakfast, and a tender note from +Darnford. She ran her eye hastily over it, and her heart calmly hoarded +up the rapture a fresh assurance of affection, affection such as she +wished to inspire, gave her, without diverting her mind a moment from its +design. While Jemima waited to take away the breakfast, Maria alluded to +the reflections, that had haunted her during the night to the exclusion +of sleep. She spoke with energy of Jemima's unmerited sufferings, and of +the fate of a number of deserted females, placed within the sweep of a +whirlwind, from which it was next to impossible to escape. Perceiving the +effect her conversation produced on the countenance of her guard, she +grasped the arm of Jemima with that irresistible warmth which defies +repulse, exclaiming--"With your heart, and such dreadful experience, can +you lend your aid to deprive my babe of a mother's tenderness, a mother's +care? In the name of God, assist me to snatch her from destruction! Let +me but give her an education--let me but prepare her body and mind to +encounter the ills which await her sex, and I will teach her to consider +you as her second mother, and herself as the prop of your age. Yes, +Jemima, look at me--observe me closely, and read my very soul; you merit +a better fate;" she held out her hand with a firm gesture of assurance; +"and I will procure it for you, as a testimony of my esteem, as well as +of my gratitude." + +Jemima had not power to resist this persuasive torrent; and, owning that +the house in which she was confined, was situated on the banks of the +Thames, only a few miles from London, and not on the sea-coast, as +Darnford had supposed, she promised to invent some excuse for her +absence, and go herself to trace the situation, and enquire concerning +the health, of this abandoned daughter. Her manner implied an intention +to do something more, but she seemed unwilling to impart her design; and +Maria, glad to have obtained the main point, thought it best to leave her +to the workings of her own mind; convinced that she had the power of +interesting her still more in favour of herself and child, by a simple +recital of facts. + +In the evening, Jemima informed the impatient mother, that on the morrow +she should hasten to town before the family hour of rising, and received +all the information necessary, as a clue to her search. The "Good night!" +Maria uttered was peculiarly solemn and affectionate. Glad expectation +sparkled in her eye; and, for the first time since her detention, she +pronounced the name of her child with pleasureable fondness; and, with +all the garrulity of a nurse, described her first smile when she +recognized her mother. Recollecting herself, a still kinder "Adieu!" with +a "God bless you!"--that seemed to include a maternal benediction, +dismissed Jemima. + +The dreary solitude of the ensuing day, lengthened by impatiently +dwelling on the same idea, was intolerably wearisome. She listened for +the sound of a particular clock, which some directions of the wind +allowed her to hear distinctly. She marked the shadow gaining on the +wall; and, twilight thickening into darkness, her breath seemed oppressed +while she anxiously counted nine.--The last sound was a stroke of +despair on her heart; for she expected every moment, without seeing +Jemima, to have her light extinguished by the savage female who supplied +her place. She was even obliged to prepare for bed, restless as she was, +not to disoblige her new attendant. She had been cautioned not to speak +too freely to her; but the caution was needless, her countenance would +still more emphatically have made her shrink back. Such was the ferocity +of manner, conspicuous in every word and gesture of this hag, that Maria +was afraid to enquire, why Jemima, who had faithfully promised to see her +before her door was shut for the night, came not?--and, when the key +turned in the lock, to consign her to a night of suspence, she felt a +degree of anguish which the circumstances scarcely justified. + +Continually on the watch, the shutting of a door, or the sound of a +footstep, made her start and tremble with apprehension, something like +what she felt, when, at her entrance, dragged along the gallery, she +began to doubt whether she were not surrounded by demons? + +Fatigued by an endless rotation of thought and wild alarms, she looked +like a spectre, when Jemima entered in the morning; especially as her +eyes darted out of her head, to read in Jemima's countenance, almost as +pallid, the intelligence she dared not trust her tongue to demand. Jemima +put down the tea-things, and appeared very busy in arranging the table. +Maria took up a cup with trembling hand, then forcibly recovering her +fortitude, and restraining the convulsive movement which agitated the +muscles of her mouth, she said, "Spare yourself the pain of preparing me +for your information, I adjure you!--My child is dead!" Jemima solemnly +answered, "Yes;" with a look expressive of compassion and angry emotions. +"Leave me," added Maria, making a fresh effort to govern her feelings, +and hiding her face in her handkerchief, to conceal her anguish--"It is +enough--I know that my babe is no more--I will hear the particulars when +I am"--_calmer_, she could not utter; and Jemima, without importuning her +by idle attempts to console her, left the room. + +Plunged in the deepest melancholy, she would not admit Darnford's visits; +and such is the force of early associations even on strong minds, that, +for a while, she indulged the superstitious notion that she was justly +punished by the death of her child, for having for an instant ceased to +regret her loss. Two or three letters from Darnford, full of soothing, +manly tenderness, only added poignancy to these accusing emotions; yet +the passionate style in which he expressed, what he termed the first and +fondest wish of his heart, "that his affection might make her some amends +for the cruelty and injustice she had endured," inspired a sentiment of +gratitude to heaven; and her eyes filled with delicious tears, when, at +the conclusion of his letter, wishing to supply the place of her unworthy +relations, whose want of principle he execrated, he assured her, calling +her his dearest girl, "that it should henceforth be the business of his +life to make her happy." + +He begged, in a note sent the following morning, to be permitted to see +her, when his presence would be no intrusion on her grief; and so +earnestly intreated to be allowed, according to promise, to beguile the +tedious moments of absence, by dwelling on the events of her past life, +that she sent him the memoirs which had been written for her daughter, +promising Jemima the perusal as soon as he returned them. + + + + +CHAP. VII. + + +"ADDRESSING these memoirs to you, my child, uncertain whether I shall +ever have an opportunity of instructing you, many observations will +probably flow from my heart, which only a mother--a mother schooled in +misery, could make. + +"The tenderness of a father who knew the world, might be great; but could +it equal that of a mother--of a mother, labouring under a portion of the +misery, which the constitution of society seems to have entailed on all +her kind? It is, my child, my dearest daughter, only such a mother, who +will dare to break through all restraint to provide for your +happiness--who will voluntarily brave censure herself, to ward off +sorrow from your bosom. From my narrative, my dear girl, you may gather +the instruction, the counsel, which is meant rather to exercise than +influence your mind.--Death may snatch me from you, before you can weigh +my advice, or enter into my reasoning: I would then, with fond anxiety, +lead you very early in life to form your grand principle of action, to +save you from the vain regret of having, through irresolution, let the +spring-tide of existence pass away, unimproved, unenjoyed.--Gain +experience--ah! gain it--while experience is worth having, and acquire +sufficient fortitude to pursue your own happiness; it includes your +utility, by a direct path. What is wisdom too often, but the owl of the +goddess, who sits moping in a desolated heart; around me she shrieks, +but I would invite all the gay warblers of spring to nestle in your +blooming bosom.--Had I not wasted years in deliberating, after I ceased +to doubt, how I ought to have acted--I might now be useful and +happy.--For my sake, warned by my example, always appear what you are, +and you will not pass through existence without enjoying its genuine +blessings, love and respect. + +"Born in one of the most romantic parts of England, an enthusiastic +fondness for the varying charms of nature is the first sentiment I +recollect; or rather it was the first consciousness of pleasure that +employed and formed my imagination. + +"My father had been a captain of a man of war; but, disgusted with the +service, on account of the preferment of men whose chief merit was their +family connections or borough interest, he retired into the country; and, +not knowing what to do with himself--married. In his family, to regain +his lost consequence, he determined to keep up the same passive +obedience, as in the vessels in which he had commanded. His orders were +not to be disputed; and the whole house was expected to fly, at the word +of command, as if to man the shrouds, or mount aloft in an elemental +strife, big with life or death. He was to be instantaneously obeyed, +especially by my mother, whom he very benevolently married for love; but +took care to remind her of the obligation, when she dared, in the +slightest instance, to question his absolute authority. My eldest +brother, it is true, as he grew up, was treated with more respect by my +father; and became in due form the deputy-tyrant of the house. The +representative of my father, a being privileged by nature--a boy, and the +darling of my mother, he did not fail to act like an heir apparent. Such +indeed was my mother's extravagant partiality, that, in comparison with +her affection for him, she might be said not to love the rest of her +children. Yet none of the children seemed to have so little affection for +her. Extreme indulgence had rendered him so selfish, that he only thought +of himself; and from tormenting insects and animals, he became the despot +of his brothers, and still more of his sisters. + +"It is perhaps difficult to give you an idea of the petty cares which +obscured the morning of my life; continual restraint in the most trivial +matters; unconditional submission to orders, which, as a mere child, I +soon discovered to be unreasonable, because inconsistent and +contradictory. Thus are we destined to experience a mixture of +bitterness, with the recollection of our most innocent enjoyments. + +"The circumstances which, during my childhood, occurred to fashion my +mind, were various; yet, as it would probably afford me more pleasure to +revive the fading remembrance of new-born delight, than you, my child, +could feel in the perusal, I will not entice you to stray with me into +the verdant meadow, to search for the flowers that youthful hopes scatter +in every path; though, as I write, I almost scent the fresh green of +spring--of that spring which never returns! + +"I had two sisters, and one brother, younger than myself; my brother +Robert was two years older, and might truly be termed the idol of his +parents, and the torment of the rest of the family. Such indeed is the +force of prejudice, that what was called spirit and wit in him, was +cruelly repressed as forwardness in me. + +"My mother had an indolence of character, which prevented her from paying +much attention to our education. But the healthy breeze of a neighbouring +heath, on which we bounded at pleasure, volatilized the humours that +improper food might have generated. And to enjoy open air and freedom, +was paradise, after the unnatural restraint of our fire-side, where we +were often obliged to sit three or four hours together, without daring to +utter a word, when my father was out of humour, from want of employment, +or of a variety of boisterous amusement. I had however one advantage, an +instructor, the brother of my father, who, intended for the church, had +of course received a liberal education. But, becoming attached to a young +lady of great beauty and large fortune, and acquiring in the world some +opinions not consonant with the profession for which he was designed, he +accepted, with the most sanguine expectations of success, the offer of a +nobleman to accompany him to India, as his confidential secretary. + +"A correspondence was regularly kept up with the object of his affection; +and the intricacies of business, peculiarly wearisome to a man of a +romantic turn of mind, contributed, with a forced absence, to increase +his attachment. Every other passion was lost in this master-one, and +only served to swell the torrent. Her relations, such were his waking +dreams, who had despised him, would court in their turn his alliance, and +all the blandishments of taste would grace the triumph of love.--While he +basked in the warm sunshine of love, friendship also promised to shed its +dewy freshness; for a friend, whom he loved next to his mistress, was the +confident, who forwarded the letters from one to the other, to elude the +observation of prying relations. A friend false in similar circumstances, +is, my dearest girl, an old tale; yet, let not this example, or the +frigid caution of cold-blooded moralists, make you endeavour to stifle +hopes, which are the buds that naturally unfold themselves during the +spring of life! Whilst your own heart is sincere, always expect to meet +one glowing with the same sentiments; for to fly from pleasure, is not to +avoid pain! + +"My uncle realized, by good luck, rather than management, a handsome +fortune; and returning on the wings of love, lost in the most enchanting +reveries, to England, to share it with his mistress and his friend, he +found them--united. + +"There were some circumstances, not necessary for me to recite, which +aggravated the guilt of the friend beyond measure, and the deception, +that had been carried on to the last moment, was so base, it produced the +most violent effect on my uncle's health and spirits. His native country, +the world! lately a garden of blooming sweets, blasted by treachery, +seemed changed into a parched desert, the abode of hissing serpents. +Disappointment rankled in his heart; and, brooding over his wrongs, he +was attacked by a raging fever, followed by a derangement of mind, which +only gave place to habitual melancholy, as he recovered more strength of +body. + +"Declaring an intention never to marry, his relations were ever +clustering about him, paying the grossest adulation to a man, who, +disgusted with mankind, received them with scorn, or bitter sarcasms. +Something in my countenance pleased him, when I began to prattle. Since +his return, he appeared dead to affection; but I soon, by showing him +innocent fondness, became a favourite; and endeavouring to enlarge and +strengthen my mind, I grew dear to him in proportion as I imbibed his +sentiments. He had a forcible manner of speaking, rendered more so by a +certain impressive wildness of look and gesture, calculated to engage the +attention of a young and ardent mind. It is not then surprising that I +quickly adopted his opinions in preference, and reverenced him as one of +a superior order of beings. He inculcated, with great warmth, +self-respect, and a lofty consciousness of acting right, independent of +the censure or applause of the world; nay, he almost taught me to brave, +and even despise its censure, when convinced of the rectitude of my own +intentions. + +"Endeavouring to prove to me that nothing which deserved the name of love +or friendship, existed in the world, he drew such animated pictures of +his own feelings, rendered permanent by disappointment, as imprinted the +sentiments strongly on my heart, and animated my imagination. These +remarks are necessary to elucidate some peculiarities in my character, +which by the world are indefinitely termed romantic. + +"My uncle's increasing affection led him to visit me often. Still, unable +to rest in any place, he did not remain long in the country to soften +domestic tyranny; but he brought me books, for which I had a passion, and +they conspired with his conversation, to make me form an ideal picture of +life. I shall pass over the tyranny of my father, much as I suffered from +it; but it is necessary to notice, that it undermined my mother's health; +and that her temper, continually irritated by domestic bickering, became +intolerably peevish. + +"My eldest brother was articled to a neighbouring attorney, the +shrewdest, and, I may add, the most unprincipled man in that part of the +country. As my brother generally came home every Saturday, to astonish my +mother by exhibiting his attainments, he gradually assumed a right of +directing the whole family, not excepting my father. He seemed to take a +peculiar pleasure in tormenting and humbling me; and if I ever ventured +to complain of this treatment to either my father or mother, I was rudely +rebuffed for presuming to judge of the conduct of my eldest brother. + +"About this period a merchant's family came to settle in our +neighbourhood. A mansion-house in the village, lately purchased, had been +preparing the whole spring, and the sight of the costly furniture, sent +from London, had excited my mother's envy, and roused my father's pride. +My sensations were very different, and all of a pleasurable kind. I +longed to see new characters, to break the tedious monotony of my life; +and to find a friend, such as fancy had pourtrayed. I cannot then +describe the emotion I felt, the Sunday they made their appearance at +church. My eyes were rivetted on the pillar round which I expected first +to catch a glimpse of them, and darted forth to meet a servant who +hastily preceded a group of ladies, whose white robes and waving plumes, +seemed to stream along the gloomy aisle, diffusing the light, by which I +contemplated their figures. + +"We visited them in form; and I quickly selected the eldest daughter for +my friend. The second son, George, paid me particular attention, and +finding his attainments and manners superior to those of the young men of +the village, I began to imagine him superior to the rest of mankind. Had +my home been more comfortable, or my previous acquaintance more numerous, +I should not probably have been so eager to open my heart to new +affections. + +"Mr. Venables, the merchant, had acquired a large fortune by unremitting +attention to business; but his health declining rapidly, he was obliged +to retire, before his son, George, had acquired sufficient experience, to +enable him to conduct their affairs on the same prudential plan, his +father had invariably pursued. Indeed, he had laboured to throw off his +authority, having despised his narrow plans and cautious speculation. The +eldest son could not be prevailed on to enter the firm; and, to oblige +his wife, and have peace in the house, Mr. Venables had purchased a +commission for him in the guards. + +"I am now alluding to circumstances which came to my knowledge long +after; but it is necessary, my dearest child, that you should know the +character of your father, to prevent your despising your mother; the only +parent inclined to discharge a parent's duty. In London, George had +acquired habits of libertinism, which he carefully concealed from his +father and his commercial connections. The mask he wore, was so complete +a covering of his real visage, that the praise his father lavished on his +conduct, and, poor mistaken man! on his principles, contrasted with his +brother's, rendered the notice he took of me peculiarly flattering. +Without any fixed design, as I am now convinced, he continued to single +me out at the dance, press my hand at parting, and utter expressions of +unmeaning passion, to which I gave a meaning naturally suggested by the +romantic turn of my thoughts. His stay in the country was short; his +manners did not entirely please me; but, when he left us, the colouring +of my picture became more vivid--Whither did not my imagination lead me? +In short, I fancied myself in love--in love with the disinterestedness, +fortitude, generosity, dignity, and humanity, with which I had invested +the hero I dubbed. A circumstance which soon after occurred, rendered all +these virtues palpable. [The incident is perhaps worth relating on other +accounts, and therefore I shall describe it distinctly.] + +"I had a great affection for my nurse, old Mary, for whom I used often to +work, to spare her eyes. Mary had a younger sister, married to a sailor, +while she was suckling me; for my mother only suckled my eldest brother, +which might be the cause of her extraordinary partiality. Peggy, Mary's +sister, lived with her, till her husband, becoming a mate in a West-India +trader, got a little before-hand in the world. He wrote to his wife from +the first port in the Channel, after his most successful voyage, to +request her to come to London to meet him; he even wished her to +determine on living there for the future, to save him the trouble of +coming to her the moment he came on shore; and to turn a penny by +keeping a green-stall. It was too much to set out on a journey the +moment he had finished a voyage, and fifty miles by land, was worse than +a thousand leagues by sea. + +"She packed up her alls, and came to London--but did not meet honest +Daniel. A common misfortune prevented her, and the poor are bound to +suffer for the good of their country--he was pressed in the river--and +never came on shore. + +"Peggy was miserable in London, not knowing, as she said, 'the face of +any living soul.' Besides, her imagination had been employed, +anticipating a month or six weeks' happiness with her husband. Daniel was +to have gone with her to Sadler's Wells, and Westminster Abbey, and to +many sights, which he knew she never heard of in the country. Peggy too +was thrifty, and how could she manage to put his plan in execution +alone? He had acquaintance; but she did not know the very name of their +places of abode. His letters were made up of--How do you does, and God +bless yous,--information was reserved for the hour of meeting. + +"She too had her portion of information, near at heart. Molly and Jacky +were grown such little darlings, she was almost angry that daddy did not +see their tricks. She had not half the pleasure she should have had from +their prattle, could she have recounted to him each night the pretty +speeches of the day. Some stories, however, were stored up--and Jacky +could say papa with such a sweet voice, it must delight his heart. Yet +when she came, and found no Daniel to greet her, when Jacky called papa, +she wept, bidding 'God bless his innocent soul, that did not know what +sorrow was.'--But more sorrow was in store for Peggy, innocent as she +was.--Daniel was killed in the first engagement, and then the _papa_ was +agony, sounding to the heart. + +"She had lived sparingly on his wages, while there was any hope of his +return; but, that gone, she returned with a breaking heart to the +country, to a little market town, nearly three miles from our village. +She did not like to go to service, to be snubbed about, after being her +own mistress. To put her children out to nurse was impossible: how far +would her wages go? and to send them to her husband's parish, a distant +one, was to lose her husband twice over. + +"I had heard all from Mary, and made my uncle furnish a little cottage +for her, to enable her to sell--so sacred was poor Daniel's advice, now +he was dead and gone--a little fruit, toys and cakes. The minding of the +shop did not require her whole time, nor even the keeping her children +clean, and she loved to see them clean; so she took in washing, and +altogether made a shift to earn bread for her children, still weeping for +Daniel, when Jacky's arch looks made her think of his father.--It was +pleasant to work for her children.--'Yes; from morning till night, could +she have had a kiss from their father, God rest his soul! Yes; had it +pleased Providence to have let him come back without a leg or an arm, it +would have been the same thing to her--for she did not love him because +he maintained them--no; she had hands of her own.' + +"The country people were honest, and Peggy left her linen out to dry very +late. A recruiting party, as she supposed, passing through, made free +with a large wash; for it was all swept away, including her own and her +children's little stock. + +"This was a dreadful blow; two dozen of shirts, stocks and handkerchiefs. +She gave the money which she had laid by for half a year's rent, and +promised to pay two shillings a week till all was cleared; so she did not +lose her employment. This two shillings a week, and the buying a few +necessaries for the children, drove her so hard, that she had not a penny +to pay her rent with, when a twelvemonth's became due. + +"She was now with Mary, and had just told her tale, which Mary instantly +repeated--it was intended for my ear. Many houses in this town, producing +a borough-interest, were included in the estate purchased by Mr. +Venables, and the attorney with whom my brother lived, was appointed his +agent, to collect and raise the rents. + +"He demanded Peggy's, and, in spite of her intreaties, her poor goods had +been seized and sold. So that she had not, and what was worse her +children, 'for she had known sorrow enough,' a bed to lie on. She knew +that I was good-natured--right charitable, yet not liking to ask for more +than needs must, she scorned to petition while people could any how be +made to wait. But now, should she be turned out of doors, she must +expect nothing less than to lose all her customers, and then she must +beg or starve--and what would become of her children?--'had Daniel not +been pressed--but God knows best--all this could not have happened.' + +"I had two mattrasses on my bed; what did I want with two, when such a +worthy creature must lie on the ground? My mother would be angry, but I +could conceal it till my uncle came down; and then I would tell him all +the whole truth, and if he absolved me, heaven would. + +"I begged the house-maid to come up stairs with me (servants always feel +for the distresses of poverty, and so would the rich if they knew what it +was). She assisted me to tie up the mattrass; I discovering, at the same +time, that one blanket would serve me till winter, could I persuade my +sister, who slept with me, to keep my secret. She entering in the midst +of the package, I gave her some new feathers, to silence her. We got the +mattrass down the back stairs, unperceived, and I helped to carry it, +taking with me all the money I had, and what I could borrow from my +sister. + +"When I got to the cottage, Peggy declared that she would not take what I +had brought secretly; but, when, with all the eager eloquence inspired by +a decided purpose, I grasped her hand with weeping eyes, assuring her +that my uncle would screen me from blame, when he was once more in the +country, describing, at the same time, what she would suffer in parting +with her children, after keeping them so long from being thrown on the +parish, she reluctantly consented. + +"My project of usefulness ended not here; I determined to speak to the +attorney; he frequently paid me compliments. His character did not +intimidate me; but, imagining that Peggy must be mistaken, and that no +man could turn a deaf ear to such a tale of complicated distress, I +determined to walk to the town with Mary the next morning, and request +him to wait for the rent, and keep my secret, till my uncle's return. + +"My repose was sweet; and, waking with the first dawn of day, I bounded +to Mary's cottage. What charms do not a light heart spread over nature! +Every bird that twittered in a bush, every flower that enlivened the +hedge, seemed placed there to awaken me to rapture--yes; to rapture. The +present moment was full fraught with happiness; and on futurity I +bestowed not a thought, excepting to anticipate my success with the +attorney. + +"This man of the world, with rosy face and simpering features, received +me politely, nay kindly; listened with complacency to my remonstrances, +though he scarcely heeded Mary's tears. I did not then suspect, that my +eloquence was in my complexion, the blush of seventeen, or that, in a +world where humanity to women is the characteristic of advancing +civilization, the beauty of a young girl was so much more interesting +than the distress of an old one. Pressing my hand, he promised to let +Peggy remain in the house as long as I wished.--I more than returned the +pressure--I was so grateful and so happy. Emboldened by my innocent +warmth, he then kissed me--and I did not draw back--I took it for a kiss +of charity. + +"Gay as a lark, I went to dine at Mr. Venables'. I had previously +obtained five shillings from my father, towards re-clothing the poor +children of my care, and prevailed on my mother to take one of the girls +into the house, whom I determined to teach to work and read. + +"After dinner, when the younger part of the circle retired to the music +room, I recounted with energy my tale; that is, I mentioned Peggy's +distress, without hinting at the steps I had taken to relieve her. Miss +Venables gave me half-a-crown; the heir five shillings; but George sat +unmoved. I was cruelly distressed by the disappointment--I scarcely could +remain on my chair; and, could I have got out of the room unperceived, I +should have flown home, as if to run away from myself. After several +vain attempts to rise, I leaned my head against the marble chimney-piece, +and gazing on the evergreens that filled the fire-place, moralized on the +vanity of human expectations; regardless of the company. I was roused by +a gentle tap on my shoulder from behind Charlotte's chair. I turned my +head, and George slid a guinea into my hand, putting his finger to his +mouth, to enjoin me silence. + +"What a revolution took place, not only in my train of thoughts, but +feelings! I trembled with emotion--now, indeed, I was in love. Such +delicacy too, to enhance his benevolence! I felt in my pocket every five +minutes, only to feel the guinea; and its magic touch invested my hero +with more than mortal beauty. My fancy had found a basis to erect its +model of perfection on; and quickly went to work, with all the happy +credulity of youth, to consider that heart as devoted to virtue, which +had only obeyed a virtuous impulse. The bitter experience was yet to +come, that has taught me how very distinct are the principles of virtue, +from the casual feelings from which they germinate. + + + + +CHAP. VIII. + + +"I HAVE perhaps dwelt too long on a circumstance, which is only of +importance as it marks the progress of a deception that has been so fatal +to my peace; and introduces to your notice a poor girl, whom, intending +to serve, I led to ruin. Still it is probable that I was not entirely the +victim of mistake; and that your father, gradually fashioned by the +world, did not quickly become what I hesitate to call him--out of respect +to my daughter. + +"But, to hasten to the more busy scenes of my life. Mr. Venables and my +mother died the same summer; and, wholly engrossed by my attention to +her, I thought of little else. The neglect of her darling, my brother +Robert, had a violent effect on her weakened mind; for, though boys may +be reckoned the pillars of the house without doors, girls are often the +only comfort within. They but too frequently waste their health and +spirits attending a dying parent, who leaves them in comparative poverty. +After closing, with filial piety, a father's eyes, they are chased from +the paternal roof, to make room for the first-born, the son, who is to +carry the empty family-name down to posterity; though, occupied with his +own pleasures, he scarcely thought of discharging, in the decline of his +parent's life, the debt contracted in his childhood. My mother's conduct +led me to make these reflections. Great as was the fatigue I endured, and +the affection my unceasing solicitude evinced, of which my mother seemed +perfectly sensible, still, when my brother, whom I could hardly persuade +to remain a quarter of an hour in her chamber, was with her alone, a +short time before her death, she gave him a little hoard, which she had +been some years accumulating. + +"During my mother's illness, I was obliged to manage my father's temper, +who, from the lingering nature of her malady, began to imagine that it +was merely fancy. At this period, an artful kind of upper servant +attracted my father's attention, and the neighbours made many remarks on +the finery, not honestly got, exhibited at evening service. But I was too +much occupied with my mother to observe any change in her dress or +behaviour, or to listen to the whisper of scandal. + +"I shall not dwell on the death-bed scene, lively as is the remembrance, +or on the emotion produced by the last grasp of my mother's cold hand; +when blessing me, she added, 'A little patience, and all will be over!' +Ah! my child, how often have those words rung mournfully in my ears--and +I have exclaimed--'A little more patience, and I too shall be at rest!' + +"My father was violently affected by her death, recollected instances of +his unkindness, and wept like a child. + +"My mother had solemnly recommended my sisters to my care, and bid me be +a mother to them. They, indeed, became more dear to me as they became +more forlorn; for, during my mother's illness, I discovered the ruined +state of my father's circumstances, and that he had only been able to +keep up appearances, by the sums which he borrowed of my uncle. + +"My father's grief, and consequent tenderness to his children, quickly +abated, the house grew still more gloomy or riotous; and my refuge from +care was again at Mr. Venables'; the young 'squire having taken his +father's place, and allowing, for the present, his sister to preside at +his table. George, though dissatisfied with his portion of the fortune, +which had till lately been all in trade, visited the family as usual. He +was now full of speculations in trade, and his brow became clouded by +care. He seemed to relax in his attention to me, when the presence of my +uncle gave a new turn to his behaviour. I was too unsuspecting, too +disinterested, to trace these changes to their source. + +My home every day became more and more disagreeable to me; my liberty was +unnecessarily abridged, and my books, on the pretext that they made me +idle, taken from me. My father's mistress was with child, and he, doating +on her, allowed or overlooked her vulgar manner of tyrannizing over us. I +was indignant, especially when I saw her endeavouring to attract, shall I +say seduce? my younger brother. By allowing women but one way of rising +in the world, the fostering the libertinism of men, society makes +monsters of them, and then their ignoble vices are brought forward as a +proof of inferiority of intellect. + +The wearisomeness of my situation can scarcely be described. Though my +life had not passed in the most even tenour with my mother, it was +paradise to that I was destined to endure with my father's mistress, +jealous of her illegitimate authority. My father's former occasional +tenderness, in spite of his violence of temper, had been soothing to me; +but now he only met me with reproofs or portentous frowns. The +house-keeper, as she was now termed, was the vulgar despot of the family; +and assuming the new character of a fine lady, she could never forgive +the contempt which was sometimes visible in my countenance, when she +uttered with pomposity her bad English, or affected to be well bred. + +To my uncle I ventured to open my heart; and he, with his wonted +benevolence, began to consider in what manner he could extricate me out +of my present irksome situation. In spite of his own disappointment, or, +most probably, actuated by the feelings that had been petrified, not +cooled, in all their sanguine fervour, like a boiling torrent of lava +suddenly dashing into the sea, he thought a marriage of mutual +inclination (would envious stars permit it) the only chance for happiness +in this disastrous world. George Venables had the reputation of being +attentive to business, and my father's example gave great weight to this +circumstance; for habits of order in business would, he conceived, extend +to the regulation of the affections in domestic life. George seldom spoke +in my uncle's company, except to utter a short, judicious question, or to +make a pertinent remark, with all due deference to his superior judgment; +so that my uncle seldom left his company without observing, that the +young man had more in him than people supposed. + +In this opinion he was not singular; yet, believe me, and I am not swayed +by resentment, these speeches so justly poized, this silent deference, +when the animal spirits of other young people were throwing off youthful +ebullitions, were not the effect of thought or humility, but sheer +barrenness of mind, and want of imagination. A colt of mettle will curvet +and shew his paces. Yes; my dear girl, these prudent young men want all +the fire necessary to ferment their faculties, and are characterized as +wise, only because they are not foolish. It is true, that George was by +no means so great a favourite of mine as during the first year of our +acquaintance; still, as he often coincided in opinion with me, and echoed +my sentiments; and having myself no other attachment, I heard with +pleasure my uncle's proposal; but thought more of obtaining my freedom, +than of my lover. But, when George, seemingly anxious for my happiness, +pressed me to quit my present painful situation, my heart swelled with +gratitude--I knew not that my uncle had promised him five thousand +pounds. + +Had this truly generous man mentioned his intention to me, I should have +insisted on a thousand pounds being settled on each of my sisters; George +would have contested; I should have seen his selfish soul; and--gracious +God! have been spared the misery of discovering, when too late, that I +was united to a heartless, unprincipled wretch. All my schemes of +usefulness would not then have been blasted. The tenderness of my heart +would not have heated my imagination with visions of the ineffable +delight of happy love; nor would the sweet duty of a mother have been so +cruelly interrupted. + +But I must not suffer the fortitude I have so hardly acquired, to be +undermined by unavailing regret. Let me hasten forward to describe the +turbid stream in which I had to wade--but let me exultingly declare that +it is passed--my soul holds fellowship with him no more. He cut the +Gordian knot, which my principles, mistaken ones, respected; he dissolved +the tie, the fetters rather, that ate into my very vitals--and I should +rejoice, conscious that my mind is freed, though confined in hell itself; +the only place that even fancy can imagine more dreadful than my present +abode. + +These varying emotions will not allow me to proceed. I heave sigh after +sigh; yet my heart is still oppressed. For what am I reserved? Why was I +not born a man, or why was I born at all? + + +END OF VOL. I. + + + + +POSTHUMOUS WORKS + +OF + +MARY WOLLSTONECRAFT GODWIN. + +VOL. II. + + +POSTHUMOUS WORKS + +OF THE + +AUTHOR + +OF A + +VINDICATION OF THE RIGHTS OF WOMAN. + +IN FOUR VOLUMES. + + * * * * * + +VOL. II. + + * * * * * + +_LONDON:_ + +PRINTED FOR J. JOHNSON, NO. 72, ST. PAUL'S + CHURCH-YARD; AND G. G. AND J. ROBINSON, + PATERNOSTER-ROW. + 1798. + + + +THE + +WRONGS OF WOMAN: + +OR, + +MARIA. + +A FRAGMENT. + +IN TWO VOLUMES. + + +VOL. II. + + + + +_WRONGS_ + +OF + +WOMAN. + + + + +CHAP. IX. + + +"I RESUME my pen to fly from thought. I was married; and we hastened to +London. I had purposed taking one of my sisters with me; for a strong +motive for marrying, was the desire of having a home at which I could +receive them, now their own grew so uncomfortable, as not to deserve the +cheering appellation. An objection was made to her accompanying me, that +appeared plausible; and I reluctantly acquiesced. I was however willingly +allowed to take with me Molly, poor Peggy's daughter. London and +preferment, are ideas commonly associated in the country; and, as +blooming as May, she bade adieu to Peggy with weeping eyes. I did not +even feel hurt at the refusal in relation to my sister, till hearing what +my uncle had done for me, I had the simplicity to request, speaking with +warmth of their situation, that he would give them a thousand pounds +a-piece, which seemed to me but justice. He asked me, giving me a kiss, +'If I had lost my senses?' I started back, as if I had found a wasp in a +rose-bush. I expostulated. He sneered; and the demon of discord entered +our paradise, to poison with his pestiferous breath every opening joy. + +"I had sometimes observed defects in my husband's understanding; but, led +astray by a prevailing opinion, that goodness of disposition is of the +first importance in the relative situations of life, in proportion as I +perceived the narrowness of his understanding, fancy enlarged the +boundary of his heart. Fatal error! How quickly is the so much vaunted +milkiness of nature turned into gall, by an intercourse with the world, +if more generous juices do not sustain the vital source of virtue! + +"One trait in my character was extreme credulity; but, when my eyes were +once opened, I saw but too clearly all I had before overlooked. My +husband was sunk in my esteem; still there are youthful emotions, which, +for a while, fill up the chasm of love and friendship. Besides, it +required some time to enable me to see his whole character in a just +light, or rather to allow it to become fixed. While circumstances were +ripening my faculties, and cultivating my taste, commerce and gross +relaxations were shutting his against any possibility of improvement, +till, by stifling every spark of virtue in himself, he began to imagine +that it no where existed. + +"Do not let me lead you astray, my child, I do not mean to assert, that +any human being is entirely incapable of feeling the generous emotions, +which are the foundation of every true principle of virtue; but they are +frequently, I fear, so feeble, that, like the inflammable quality which +more or less lurks in all bodies, they often lie for ever dormant; the +circumstances never occurring, necessary to call them into action. + +"I discovered however by chance, that, in consequence of some losses in +trade, the natural effect of his gambling desire to start suddenly into +riches, the five thousand pounds given me by my uncle, had been paid very +opportunely. This discovery, strange as you may think the assertion, gave +me pleasure; my husband's embarrassments endeared him to me. I was glad +to find an excuse for his conduct to my sisters, and my mind became +calmer. + +"My uncle introduced me to some literary society; and the theatres were a +never-failing source of amusement to me. My delighted eye followed Mrs. +Siddons, when, with dignified delicacy, she played Calista; and I +involuntarily repeated after her, in the same tone, and with a +long-drawn sigh, + + 'Hearts like our's were pair'd--not match'd.' + +"These were, at first, spontaneous emotions, though, becoming acquainted +with men of wit and polished manners, I could not sometimes help +regretting my early marriage; and that, in my haste to escape from a +temporary dependence, and expand my newly fledged wings, in an unknown +sky, I had been caught in a trap, and caged for life. Still the novelty +of London, and the attentive fondness of my husband, for he had some +personal regard for me, made several months glide away. Yet, not +forgetting the situation of my sisters, who were still very young, I +prevailed on my uncle to settle a thousand pounds on each; and to place +them in a school near town, where I could frequently visit, as well as +have them at home with me. + +"I now tried to improve my husband's taste, but we had few subjects in +common; indeed he soon appeared to have little relish for my society, +unless he was hinting to me the use he could make of my uncle's wealth. +When we had company, I was disgusted by an ostentatious display of +riches, and I have often quitted the room, to avoid listening to +exaggerated tales of money obtained by lucky hits. + +"With all my attention and affectionate interest, I perceived that I +could not become the friend or confident of my husband. Every thing I +learned relative to his affairs I gathered up by accident; and I vainly +endeavoured to establish, at our fire-side, that social converse, which +often renders people of different characters dear to each other. +Returning from the theatre, or any amusing party, I frequently began to +relate what I had seen and highly relished; but with sullen taciturnity +he soon silenced me. I seemed therefore gradually to lose, in his +society, the soul, the energies of which had just been in action. To such +a degree, in fact, did his cold, reserved manner affect me, that, after +spending some days with him alone, I have imagined myself the most stupid +creature in the world, till the abilities of some casual visitor +convinced me that I had some dormant animation, and sentiments above the +dust in which I had been groveling. The very countenance of my husband +changed; his complexion became sallow, and all the charms of youth were +vanishing with its vivacity. + +"I give you one view of the subject; but these experiments and +alterations took up the space of five years; during which period, I had +most reluctantly extorted several sums from my uncle, to save my husband, +to use his own words, from destruction. At first it was to prevent bills +being noted, to the injury of his credit; then to bail him; and +afterwards to prevent an execution from entering the house. I began at +last to conclude, that he would have made more exertions of his own to +extricate himself, had he not relied on mine, cruel as was the task he +imposed on me; and I firmly determined that I would make use of no more +pretexts. + +"From the moment I pronounced this determination, indifference on his +part was changed into rudeness, or something worse. + +"He now seldom dined at home, and continually returned at a late hour, +drunk, to bed. I retired to another apartment; I was glad, I own, to +escape from his; for personal intimacy without affection, seemed, to me +the most degrading, as well as the most painful state in which a woman of +any taste, not to speak of the peculiar delicacy of fostered sensibility, +could be placed. But my husband's fondness for women was of the grossest +kind, and imagination was so wholly out of the question, as to render his +indulgences of this sort entirely promiscuous, and of the most brutal +nature. My health suffered, before my heart was entirely estranged by the +loathsome information; could I then have returned to his sullied arms, +but as a victim to the prejudices of mankind, who have made women the +property of their husbands? I discovered even, by his conversation, when +intoxicated, that his favourites were wantons of the lowest class, who +could by their vulgar, indecent mirth, which he called nature, rouse his +sluggish spirits. Meretricious ornaments and manners were necessary to +attract his attention. He seldom looked twice at a modest woman, and sat +silent in their company; and the charms of youth and beauty had not the +slightest effect on his senses, unless the possessors were initiated in +vice. His intimacy with profligate women, and his habits of thinking, +gave him a contempt for female endowments; and he would repeat, when +wine had loosed his tongue, most of the common-place sarcasms levelled at +them, by men who do not allow them to have minds, because mind would be +an impediment to gross enjoyment. Men who are inferior to their fellow +men, are always most anxious to establish their superiority over women. +But where are these reflections leading me? + +"Women who have lost their husband's affection, are justly reproved for +neglecting their persons, and not taking the same pains to keep, as to +gain a heart; but who thinks of giving the same advice to men, though +women are continually stigmatized for being attached to fops; and from +the nature of their education, are more susceptible of disgust? Yet why a +woman should be expected to endure a sloven, with more patience than a +man, and magnanimously to govern herself, I cannot conceive; unless it be +supposed arrogant in her to look for respect as well as a maintenance. It +is not easy to be pleased, because, after promising to love, in different +circumstances, we are told that it is our duty. I cannot, I am sure +(though, when attending the sick, I never felt disgust) forget my own +sensations, when rising with health and spirit, and after scenting the +sweet morning, I have met my husband at the breakfast table. The active +attention I had been giving to domestic regulations, which were generally +settled before he rose, or a walk, gave a glow to my countenance, that +contrasted with his squallid appearance. The squeamishness of stomach +alone, produced by the last night's intemperance, which he took no pains +to conceal, destroyed my appetite. I think I now see him lolling in an +arm-chair, in a dirty powdering gown, soiled linen, ungartered stockings, +and tangled hair, yawning and stretching himself. The newspaper was +immediately called for, if not brought in on the tea-board, from which he +would scarcely lift his eyes while I poured out the tea, excepting to ask +for some brandy to put into it, or to declare that he could not eat. In +answer to any question, in his best humour, it was a drawling 'What do +you say, child?' But if I demanded money for the house expences, which I +put off till the last moment, his customary reply, often prefaced with an +oath, was, 'Do you think me, madam, made of money?'--The butcher, the +baker, must wait; and, what was worse, I was often obliged to witness +his surly dismission of tradesmen, who were in want of their money, and +whom I sometimes paid with the presents my uncle gave me for my own use. + +"At this juncture my father's mistress, by terrifying his conscience, +prevailed on him to marry her; he was already become a methodist; and my +brother, who now practised for himself, had discovered a flaw in the +settlement made on my mother's children, which set it aside, and he +allowed my father, whose distress made him submit to any thing, a tithe +of his own, or rather our fortune. + +"My sisters had left school, but were unable to endure home, which my +father's wife rendered as disagreeable as possible, to get rid of girls +whom she regarded as spies on her conduct. They were accomplished, yet +you can (may you never be reduced to the same destitute state!) scarcely +conceive the trouble I had to place them in the situation of governesses, +the only one in which even a well-educated woman, with more than ordinary +talents, can struggle for a subsistence; and even this is a dependence +next to menial. Is it then surprising, that so many forlorn women, with +human passions and feelings, take refuge in infamy? Alone in large +mansions, I say alone, because they had no companions with whom they +could converse on equal terms, or from whom they could expect the +endearments of affection, they grew melancholy, and the sound of joy made +them sad; and the youngest, having a more delicate frame, fell into a +decline. It was with great difficulty that I, who now almost supported +the house by loans from my uncle, could prevail on the _master_ of it, to +allow her a room to die in. I watched her sick bed for some months, and +then closed her eyes, gentle spirit! for ever. She was pretty, with very +engaging manners; yet had never an opportunity to marry, excepting to a +very old man. She had abilities sufficient to have shone in any +profession, had there been any professions for women, though she shrunk +at the name of milliner or mantua-maker as degrading to a gentlewoman. I +would not term this feeling false pride to any one but you, my child, +whom I fondly hope to see (yes; I will indulge the hope for a moment!) +possessed of that energy of character which gives dignity to any station; +and with that clear, firm spirit that will enable you to choose a +situation for yourself, or submit to be classed in the lowest, if it be +the only one in which you can be the mistress of your own actions. + +"Soon after the death of my sister, an incident occurred, to prove to me +that the heart of a libertine is dead to natural affection; and to +convince me, that the being who has appeared all tenderness, to gratify a +selfish passion, is as regardless of the innocent fruit of it, as of the +object, when the fit is over. I had casually observed an old, +mean-looking woman, who called on my husband every two or three months to +receive some money. One day entering the passage of his little +counting-house, as she was going out, I heard her say, 'The child is very +weak; she cannot live long, she will soon die out of your way, so you +need not grudge her a little physic.' + +"'So much the better,' he replied, 'and pray mind your own business, good +woman.' + +"I was struck by his unfeeling, inhuman tone of voice, and drew back, +determined when the woman came again, to try to speak to her, not out of +curiosity, I had heard enough, but with the hope of being useful to a +poor, outcast girl. + +"A month or two elapsed before I saw this woman again; and then she had a +child in her hand that tottered along, scarcely able to sustain her own +weight. They were going away, to return at the hour Mr. Venables was +expected; he was now from home. I desired the woman to walk into the +parlour. She hesitated, yet obeyed. I assured her that I should not +mention to my husband (the word seemed to weigh on my respiration), that +I had seen her, or his child. The woman stared at me with astonishment; +and I turned my eyes on the squalid object [that accompanied her.] She +could hardly support herself, her complexion was sallow, and her eyes +inflamed, with an indescribable look of cunning, mixed with the wrinkles +produced by the peevishness of pain. + +"'Poor child!' I exclaimed. 'Ah! you may well say poor child,' replied +the woman. 'I brought her here to see whether he would have the heart to +look at her, and not get some advice. I do not know what they deserve who +nursed her. Why, her legs bent under her like a bow when she came to me, +and she has never been well since; but, if they were no better paid than +I am, it is not to be wondered at, sure enough.' + +"On further enquiry I was informed, that this miserable spectacle was the +daughter of a servant, a country girl, who caught Mr. Venables' eye, and +whom he seduced. On his marriage he sent her away, her situation being +too visible. After her delivery, she was thrown on the town; and died in +an hospital within the year. The babe was sent to a parish-nurse, and +afterwards to this woman, who did not seem much better; but what was to +be expected from such a close bargain? She was only paid three shillings +a week for board and washing. + +"The woman begged me to give her some old clothes for the child, assuring +me, that she was almost afraid to ask master for money to buy even a +pair of shoes. + +"I grew sick at heart. And, fearing Mr. Venables might enter, and oblige +me to express my abhorrence, I hastily enquired where she lived, promised +to pay her two shillings a week more, and to call on her in a day or two; +putting a trifle into her hand as a proof of my good intention. + +"If the state of this child affected me, what were my feelings at a +discovery I made respecting Peggy----?[22-A] + +FOOTNOTES: + +[22-A] The manuscript is imperfect here. An episode seems to have been +intended, which was never committed to paper. + +EDITOR. + + + + +CHAP. X. + + +"MY father's situation was now so distressing, that I prevailed on my +uncle to accompany me to visit him; and to lend me his assistance, to +prevent the whole property of the family from becoming the prey of my +brother's rapacity; for, to extricate himself out of present +difficulties, my father was totally regardless of futurity. I took down +with me some presents for my step-mother; it did not require an effort +for me to treat her with civility, or to forget the past. + +"This was the first time I had visited my native village, since my +marriage. But with what different emotions did I return from the busy +world, with a heavy weight of experience benumbing my imagination, to +scenes, that whispered recollections of joy and hope most eloquently to +my heart! The first scent of the wild flowers from the heath, thrilled +through my veins, awakening every sense to pleasure. The icy hand of +despair seemed to be removed from my bosom; and--forgetting my +husband--the nurtured visions of a romantic mind, bursting on me with all +their original wildness and gay exuberance, were again hailed as sweet +realities. I forgot, with equal facility, that I ever felt sorrow, or +knew care in the country; while a transient rainbow stole athwart the +cloudy sky of despondency. The picturesque form of several favourite +trees, and the porches of rude cottages, with their smiling hedges, were +recognized with the gladsome playfulness of childish vivacity. I could +have kissed the chickens that pecked on the common; and longed to pat the +cows, and frolic with the dogs that sported on it. I gazed with delight +on the windmill, and thought it lucky that it should be in motion, at the +moment I passed by; and entering the dear green lane, which led directly +to the village, the sound of the well-known rookery gave that sentimental +tinge to the varying sensations of my active soul, which only served to +heighten the lustre of the luxuriant scenery. But, spying, as I advanced, +the spire, peeping over the withered tops of the aged elms that composed +the rookery, my thoughts flew immediately to the church-yard, and tears +of affection, such was the effect of my imagination, bedewed my mother's +grave! Sorrow gave place to devotional feelings. I wandered through the +church in fancy, as I used sometimes to do on a Saturday evening. I +recollected with what fervour I addressed the God of my youth: and once +more with rapturous love looked above my sorrows to the Father of nature. +I pause--feeling forcibly all the emotions I am describing; and +(reminded, as I register my sorrows, of the sublime calm I have felt, +when in some tremendous solitude, my soul rested on itself, and seemed to +fill the universe) I insensibly breathe soft, hushing every wayward +emotion, as if fearing to sully with a sigh, a contentment so extatic. + +"Having settled my father's affairs, and, by my exertions in his favour, +made my brother my sworn foe, I returned to London. My husband's conduct +was now changed; I had during my absence, received several affectionate, +penitential letters from him; and he seemed on my arrival, to wish by his +behaviour to prove his sincerity. I could not then conceive why he acted +thus; and, when the suspicion darted into my head, that it might arise +from observing my increasing influence with my uncle, I almost despised +myself for imagining that such a degree of debasing selfishness could +exist. + +"He became, unaccountable as was the change, tender and attentive; and, +attacking my weak side, made a confession of his follies, and lamented +the embarrassments in which I, who merited a far different fate, might be +involved. He besought me to aid him with my counsel, praised my +understanding, and appealed to the tenderness of my heart. + +"This conduct only inspired me with compassion. I wished to be his +friend; but love had spread his rosy pinions, and fled far, far away; and +had not (like some exquisite perfumes, the fine spirit of which is +continually mingling with the air) left a fragrance behind, to mark where +he had shook his wings. My husband's renewed caresses then became hateful +to me; his brutality was tolerable, compared to his distasteful fondness. +Still, compassion, and the fear of insulting his supposed feelings, by a +want of sympathy, made me dissemble, and do violence to my delicacy. What +a task! + +"Those who support a system of what I term false refinement, and will +not allow great part of love in the female, as well as male breast, to +spring in some respects involuntarily, may not admit that charms are as +necessary to feed the passion, as virtues to convert the mellowing spirit +into friendship. To such observers I have nothing to say, any more than +to the moralists, who insist that women ought to, and can love their +husbands, because it is their duty. To you, my child, I may add, with a +heart tremblingly alive to your future conduct, some observations, +dictated by my present feelings, on calmly reviewing this period of my +life. When novelists or moralists praise as a virtue, a woman's coldness +of constitution, and want of passion; and make her yield to the ardour of +her lover out of sheer compassion, or to promote a frigid plan of future +comfort, I am disgusted. They may be good women, in the ordinary +acceptation of the phrase, and do no harm; but they appear to me not to +have those 'finely fashioned nerves,' which render the senses exquisite. +They may possess tenderness; but they want that fire of the imagination, +which produces _active_ sensibility, and _positive_ virtue. How does the +woman deserve to be characterized, who marries one man, with a heart and +imagination devoted to another? Is she not an object of pity or contempt, +when thus sacrilegiously violating the purity of her own feelings? Nay, +it is as indelicate, when she is indifferent, unless she be +constitutionally insensible; then indeed it is a mere affair of barter; +and I have nothing to do with the secrets of trade. Yes; eagerly as I +wish you to possess true rectitude of mind, and purity of affection, I +must insist that a heartless conduct is the contrary of virtuous. Truth +is the only basis of virtue; and we cannot, without depraving our minds, +endeavour to please a lover or husband, but in proportion as he pleases +us. Men, more effectually to enslave us, may inculcate this partial +morality, and lose sight of virtue in subdividing it into the duties of +particular stations; but let us not blush for nature without a cause! + +"After these remarks, I am ashamed to own, that I was pregnant. The +greatest sacrifice of my principles in my whole life, was the allowing my +husband again to be familiar with my person, though to this cruel act of +self-denial, when I wished the earth to open and swallow me, you owe your +birth; and I the unutterable pleasure of being a mother. There was +something of delicacy in my husband's bridal attentions; but now his +tainted breath, pimpled face, and blood-shot eyes, were not more +repugnant to my senses, than his gross manners, and loveless familiarity +to my taste. + +"A man would only be expected to maintain; yes, barely grant a +subsistence, to a woman rendered odious by habitual intoxication; but who +would expect him, or think it possible to love her? And unless 'youth, +and genial years were flown,' it would be thought equally unreasonable to +insist, [under penalty of] forfeiting almost every thing reckoned +valuable in life, that he should not love another: whilst woman, weak in +reason, impotent in will, is required to moralize, sentimentalize herself +to stone, and pine her life away, labouring to reform her embruted mate. +He may even spend in dissipation, and intemperance, the very intemperance +which renders him so hateful, her property, and by stinting her expences, +not permit her to beguile in society, a wearisome, joyless life; for over +their mutual fortune she has no power, it must all pass through his hand. +And if she be a mother, and in the present state of women, it is a great +misfortune to be prevented from discharging the duties, and cultivating +the affections of one, what has she not to endure?--But I have suffered +the tenderness of one to lead me into reflections that I did not think of +making, to interrupt my narrative--yet the full heart will overflow. + +"Mr. Venables' embarrassments did not now endear him to me; still, +anxious to befriend him, I endeavoured to prevail on him to retrench his +expences; but he had always some plausible excuse to give, to justify his +not following my advice. Humanity, compassion, and the interest produced +by a habit of living together, made me try to relieve, and sympathize +with him; but, when I recollected that I was bound to live with such a +being for ever--my heart died within me; my desire of improvement became +languid, and baleful, corroding melancholy took possession of my soul. +Marriage had bastilled me for life. I discovered in myself a capacity for +the enjoyment of the various pleasures existence affords; yet, fettered +by the partial laws of society, this fair globe was to me an universal +blank. + +"When I exhorted my husband to economy, I referred to himself. I was +obliged to practise the most rigid, or contract debts, which I had too +much reason to fear would never be paid. I despised this paltry privilege +of a wife, which can only be of use to the vicious or inconsiderate, and +determined not to increase the torrent that was bearing him down. I was +then ignorant of the extent of his fraudulent speculations, whom I was +bound to honour and obey. + +"A woman neglected by her husband, or whose manners form a striking +contrast with his, will always have men on the watch to soothe and +flatter her. Besides, the forlorn state of a neglected woman, not +destitute of personal charms, is particularly interesting, and rouses +that species of pity, which is so near akin, it easily slides into love. +A man of feeling thinks not of seducing, he is himself seduced by all the +noblest emotions of his soul. He figures to himself all the sacrifices a +woman of sensibility must make, and every situation in which his +imagination places her, touches his heart, and fires his passions. +Longing to take to his bosom the shorn lamb, and bid the drooping buds of +hope revive, benevolence changes into passion: and should he then +discover that he is beloved, honour binds him fast, though foreseeing +that he may afterwards be obliged to pay severe damages to the man, who +never appeared to value his wife's society, till he found that there was +a chance of his being indemnified for the loss of it. + +"Such are the partial laws enacted by men; for, only to lay a stress on +the dependent state of a woman in the grand question of the comforts +arising from the possession of property, she is [even in this article] +much more injured by the loss of the husband's affection, than he by that +of his wife; yet where is she, condemned to the solitude of a deserted +home, to look for a compensation from the woman, who seduces him from +her? She cannot drive an unfaithful husband from his house, nor separate, +or tear, his children from him, however culpable he may be; and he, still +the master of his own fate, enjoys the smiles of a world, that would +brand her with infamy, did she, seeking consolation, venture to +retaliate. + +"These remarks are not dictated by experience; but merely by the +compassion I feel for many amiable women, the _out-laws_ of the world. +For myself, never encouraging any of the advances that were made to me, +my lovers dropped off like the untimely shoots of spring. I did not even +coquet with them; because I found, on examining myself, I could not +coquet with a man without loving him a little; and I perceived that I +should not be able to stop at the line of what are termed _innocent +freedoms_, did I suffer any. My reserve was then the consequence of +delicacy. Freedom of conduct has emancipated many women's minds; but my +conduct has most rigidly been governed by my principles, till the +improvement of my understanding has enabled me to discern the fallacy of +prejudices at war with nature and reason. + +"Shortly after the change I have mentioned in my husband's conduct, my +uncle was compelled by his declining health, to seek the succour of a +milder climate, and embark for Lisbon. He left his will in the hands of a +friend, an eminent solicitor; he had previously questioned me relative to +my situation and state of mind, and declared very freely, that he could +place no reliance on the stability of my husband's professions. He had +been deceived in the unfolding of his character; he now thought it fixed +in a train of actions that would inevitably lead to ruin and disgrace. + +"The evening before his departure, which we spent alone together, he +folded me to his heart, uttering the endearing appellation of +'child.'--My more than father! why was I not permitted to perform the +last duties of one, and smooth the pillow of death? He seemed by his +manner to be convinced that he should never see me more; yet requested +me, most earnestly, to come to him, should I be obliged to leave my +husband. He had before expressed his sorrow at hearing of my pregnancy, +having determined to prevail on me to accompany him, till I informed him +of that circumstance. He expressed himself unfeignedly sorry that any new +tie should bind me to a man whom he thought so incapable of estimating my +value; such was the kind language of affection. + +"I must repeat his own words; they made an indelible impression on my +mind: + +"'The marriage state is certainly that in which women, generally +speaking, can be most useful; but I am far from thinking that a woman, +once married, ought to consider the engagement as indissoluble +(especially if there be no children to reward her for sacrificing her +feelings) in case her husband merits neither her love, nor esteem. Esteem +will often supply the place of love; and prevent a woman from being +wretched, though it may not make her happy. The magnitude of a sacrifice +ought always to bear some proportion to the utility in view; and for a +woman to live with a man, for whom she can cherish neither affection nor +esteem, or even be of any use to him, excepting in the light of a +house-keeper, is an abjectness of condition, the enduring of which no +concurrence of circumstances can ever make a duty in the sight of God or +just men. If indeed she submits to it merely to be maintained in +idleness, she has no right to complain bitterly of her fate; or to act, +as a person of independent character might, as if she had a title to +disregard general rules. + +"'But the misfortune is, that many women only submit in appearance, and +forfeit their own respect to secure their reputation in the world. The +situation of a woman separated from her husband, is undoubtedly very +different from that of a man who has left his wife. He, with lordly +dignity, has shaken of a clog; and the allowing her food and raiment, is +thought sufficient to secure his reputation from taint. And, should she +have been inconsiderate, he will be celebrated for his generosity and +forbearance. Such is the respect paid to the master-key of property! A +woman, on the contrary, resigning what is termed her natural protector +(though he never was so, but in name) is despised and shunned, for +asserting the independence of mind distinctive of a rational being, and +spurning at slavery.' + +"During the remainder of the evening, my uncle's tenderness led him +frequently to revert to the subject, and utter, with increasing warmth, +sentiments to the same purport. At length it was necessary to say +'Farewell!'--and we parted--gracious God! to meet no more. + + + + +CHAP. XI. + + +"A GENTLEMAN of large fortune and of polished manners, had lately visited +very frequently at our house, and treated me, if possible, with more +respect than Mr. Venables paid him; my pregnancy was not yet visible, his +society was a great relief to me, as I had for some time past, to avoid +expence, confined myself very much at home. I ever disdained unnecessary, +perhaps even prudent concealments; and my husband, with great ease, +discovered the amount of my uncle's parting present. A copy of a writ was +the stale pretext to extort it from me; and I had soon reason to believe +that it was fabricated for the purpose. I acknowledge my folly in thus +suffering myself to be continually imposed on. I had adhered to my +resolution not to apply to my uncle, on the part of my husband, any more; +yet, when I had received a sum sufficient to supply my own wants, and to +enable me to pursue a plan I had in view, to settle my younger brother in +a respectable employment, I allowed myself to be duped by Mr. Venables' +shallow pretences, and hypocritical professions. + +"Thus did he pillage me and my family, thus frustrate all my plans of +usefulness. Yet this was the man I was bound to respect and esteem: as if +respect and esteem depended on an arbitrary will of our own! But a wife +being as much a man's property as his horse, or his ass, she has nothing +she can call her own. He may use any means to get at what the law +considers as his, the moment his wife is in possession of it, even to the +forcing of a lock, as Mr. Venables did, to search for notes in my +writing-desk--and all this is done with a show of equity, because, +forsooth, he is responsible for her maintenance. + +"The tender mother cannot _lawfully_ snatch from the gripe of the +gambling spendthrift, or beastly drunkard, unmindful of his offspring, +the fortune which falls to her by chance; or (so flagrant is the +injustice) what she earns by her own exertions. No; he can rob her with +impunity, even to waste publicly on a courtezan; and the laws of her +country--if women have a country--afford her no protection or redress +from the oppressor, unless she have the plea of bodily fear; yet how +many ways are there of goading the soul almost to madness, equally +unmanly, though not so mean? When such laws were framed, should not +impartial lawgivers have first decreed, in the style of a great assembly, +who recognized the existence of an _etre supreme_, to fix the national +belief, that the husband should always be wiser and more virtuous than +his wife, in order to entitle him, with a show of justice, to keep this +idiot, or perpetual minor, for ever in bondage. But I must have done--on +this subject, my indignation continually runs away with me. + +"The company of the gentleman I have already mentioned, who had a general +acquaintance with literature and subjects of taste, was grateful to me; +my countenance brightened up as he approached, and I unaffectedly +expressed the pleasure I felt. The amusement his conversation afforded +me, made it easy to comply with my husband's request, to endeavour to +render our house agreeable to him. + +"His attentions became more pointed; but, as I was not of the number of +women, whose virtue, as it is termed, immediately takes alarm, I +endeavoured, rather by raillery than serious expostulation, to give a +different turn to his conversation. He assumed a new mode of attack, and +I was, for a while, the dupe of his pretended friendship. + +"I had, merely in the style of _badinage_, boasted of my conquest, and +repeated his lover-like compliments to my husband. But he begged me, for +God's sake, not to affront his friend, or I should destroy all his +projects, and be his ruin. Had I had more affection for my husband, I +should have expressed my contempt of this time-serving politeness: now I +imagined that I only felt pity; yet it would have puzzled a casuist to +point out in what the exact difference consisted. + +"This friend began now, in confidence, to discover to me the real state +of my husband's affairs. 'Necessity,' said Mr. S----; why should I reveal +his name? for he affected to palliate the conduct he could not excuse, +'had led him to take such steps, by accommodation bills, buying goods on +credit, to sell them for ready money, and similar transactions, that his +character in the commercial world was gone. He was considered,' he added, +lowering his voice, 'on 'Change as a swindler.' + +"I felt at that moment the first maternal pang. Aware of the evils my sex +have to struggle with, I still wished, for my own consolation, to be the +mother of a daughter; and I could not bear to think, that the _sins_ of +her father's entailed disgrace, should be added to the ills to which +woman is heir. + +"So completely was I deceived by these shows of friendship (nay, I +believe, according to his interpretation, Mr. S--really was my friend) +that I began to consult him respecting the best mode of retrieving my +husband's character: it is the good name of a woman only that sets to +rise no more. I knew not that he had been drawn into a whirlpool, out of +which he had not the energy to attempt to escape. He seemed indeed +destitute of the power of employing his faculties in any regular +pursuit. His principles of action were so loose, and his mind so +uncultivated, that every thing like order appeared to him in the shape of +restraint; and, like men in the savage state, he required the strong +stimulus of hope or fear, produced by wild speculations, in which the +interests of others went for nothing, to keep his spirits awake. He one +time possessed patriotism, but he knew not what it was to feel honest +indignation; and pretended to be an advocate for liberty, when, with as +little affection for the human race as for individuals, he thought of +nothing but his own gratification. He was just such a citizen, as a +father. The sums he adroitly obtained by a violation of the laws of his +country, as well as those of humanity, he would allow a mistress to +squander; though she was, with the same _sang froid_, consigned, as were +his children, to poverty, when another proved more attractive. + +"On various pretences, his friend continued to visit me; and, observing +my want of money, he tried to induce me to accept of pecuniary aid; but +this offer I absolutely rejected, though it was made with such delicacy, +I could not be displeased. + +"One day he came, as I thought accidentally, to dinner. My husband was +very much engaged in business, and quitted the room soon after the cloth +was removed. We conversed as usual, till confidential advice led again to +love. I was extremely mortified. I had a sincere regard for him, and +hoped that he had an equal friendship for me. I therefore began mildly to +expostulate with him. This gentleness he mistook for coy encouragement; +and he would not be diverted from the subject. Perceiving his mistake, I +seriously asked him how, using such language to me, he could profess to +be my husband's friend? A significant sneer excited my curiosity, and he, +supposing this to be my only scruple, took a letter deliberately out of +his pocket, saying, 'Your husband's honour is not inflexible. How could +you, with your discernment, think it so? Why, he left the room this very +day on purpose to give me an opportunity to explain myself; _he_ thought +me too timid--too tardy.' + +"I snatched the letter with indescribable emotion. The purport of it was +to invite him to dinner, and to ridicule his chivalrous respect for me. +He assured him, 'that every woman had her price, and, with gross +indecency, hinted, that he should be glad to have the duty of a husband +taken off his hands. These he termed _liberal sentiments_. He advised him +not to shock my romantic notions, but to attack my credulous generosity, +and weak pity; and concluded with requesting him to lend him five hundred +pounds for a month or six weeks.' I read this letter twice over; and the +firm purpose it inspired, calmed the rising tumult of my soul. I rose +deliberately, requested Mr. S---- to wait a moment, and instantly going +into the counting-house, desired Mr. Venables to return with me to the +dining-parlour. + +"He laid down his pen, and entered with me, without observing any change +in my countenance. I shut the door, and, giving him the letter, simply +asked, 'whether he wrote it, or was it a forgery?' + +"Nothing could equal his confusion. His friend's eye met his, and he +muttered something about a joke--But I interrupted him--'It is +sufficient--We part for ever.' + +"I continued, with solemnity, 'I have borne with your tyranny and +infidelities. I disdain to utter what I have borne with. I thought you +unprincipled, but not so decidedly vicious. I formed a tie, in the sight +of heaven--I have held it sacred; even when men, more conformable to my +taste, have made me feel--I despise all subterfuge!--that I was not dead +to love. Neglected by you, I have resolutely stifled the enticing +emotions, and respected the plighted faith you outraged. And you dare now +to insult me, by selling me to prostitution!--Yes--equally lost to +delicacy and principle--you dared sacrilegiously to barter the honour of +the mother of your child.' + +"Then, turning to Mr. S----, I added, 'I call on you, Sir, to witness,' +and I lifted my hands and eyes to heaven, 'that, as solemnly as I took +his name, I now abjure it,' I pulled off my ring, and put it on the +table; 'and that I mean immediately to quit his house, never to enter it +more. I will provide for myself and child. I leave him as free as I am +determined to be myself--he shall be answerable for no debts of mine.' + +"Astonishment closed their lips, till Mr. Venables, gently pushing his +friend, with a forced smile, out of the room, nature for a moment +prevailed, and, appearing like himself, he turned round, burning with +rage, to me: but there was no terror in the frown, excepting when +contrasted with the malignant smile which preceded it. He bade me 'leave +the house at my peril; told me he despised my threats; I had no resource; +I could not swear the peace against him!--I was not afraid of my +life!--he had never struck me!' + +"He threw the letter in the fire, which I had incautiously left in his +hands; and, quitting the room, locked the door on me. + +"When left alone, I was a moment or two before I could recollect myself. +One scene had succeeded another with such rapidity, I almost doubted +whether I was reflecting on a real event. 'Was it possible? Was I, +indeed, free?'--Yes; free I termed myself, when I decidedly perceived +the conduct I ought to adopt. How had I panted for liberty--liberty, that +I would have purchased at any price, but that of my own esteem! I rose, +and shook myself; opened the window, and methought the air never smelled +so sweet. The face of heaven grew fairer as I viewed it, and the clouds +seemed to flit away obedient to my wishes, to give my soul room to +expand. I was all soul, and (wild as it may appear) felt as if I could +have dissolved in the soft balmy gale that kissed my cheek, or have +glided below the horizon on the glowing, descending beams. A seraphic +satisfaction animated, without agitating my spirits; and my imagination +collected, in visions sublimely terrible, or soothingly beautiful, an +immense variety of the endless images, which nature affords, and fancy +combines, of the grand and fair. The lustre of these bright picturesque +sketches faded with the setting sun; but I was still alive to the calm +delight they had diffused through my heart. + +"There may be advocates for matrimonial obedience, who, making a +distinction between the duty of a wife and of a human being, may blame my +conduct.--To them I write not--my feelings are not for them to analyze; +and may you, my child, never be able to ascertain, by heart-rending +experience, what your mother felt before the present emancipation of her +mind! + +"I began to write a letter to my father, after closing one to my uncle; +not to ask advice, but to signify my determination; when I was +interrupted by the entrance of Mr. Venables. His manner was changed. His +views on my uncle's fortune made him averse to my quitting his house, or +he would, I am convinced, have been glad to have shaken off even the +slight restraint my presence imposed on him; the restraint of showing me +some respect. So far from having an affection for me, he really hated me, +because he was convinced that I must despise him. + +"He told me, that, 'As I now had had time to cool and reflect, he did not +doubt but that my prudence, and nice sense of propriety, would lead me to +overlook what was passed.' + +"'Reflection,' I replied, 'had only confirmed my purpose, and no power on +earth could divert me from it.' + +"Endeavouring to assume a soothing voice and look, when he would +willingly have tortured me, to force me to feel his power, his +countenance had an infernal expression, when he desired me, 'Not to +expose myself to the servants, by obliging him to confine me in my +apartment; if then I would give my promise not to quit the house +precipitately, I should be free--and--.' I declared, interrupting him, +'that I would promise nothing. I had no measures to keep with him--I was +resolved, and would not condescend to subterfuge.' + +"He muttered, 'that I should soon repent of these preposterous airs;' +and, ordering tea to be carried into my little study, which had a +communication with my bed-chamber, he once more locked the door upon me, +and left me to my own meditations. I had passively followed him up +stairs, not wishing to fatigue myself with unavailing exertion. + +"Nothing calms the mind like a fixed purpose. I felt as if I had heaved +a thousand weight from my heart; the atmosphere seemed lightened; and, if +I execrated the institutions of society, which thus enable men to +tyrannize over women, it was almost a disinterested sentiment. I +disregarded present inconveniences, when my mind had done struggling with +itself,--when reason and inclination had shaken hands and were at peace. +I had no longer the cruel task before me, in endless perspective, aye, +during the tedious for ever of life, of labouring to overcome my +repugnance--of labouring to extinguish the hopes, the maybes of a lively +imagination. Death I had hailed as my only chance for deliverance; but, +while existence had still so many charms, and life promised happiness, I +shrunk from the icy arms of an unknown tyrant, though far more inviting +than those of the man, to whom I supposed myself bound without any other +alternative; and was content to linger a little longer, waiting for I +knew not what, rather than leave 'the warm precincts of the cheerful +day,' and all the unenjoyed affection of my nature. + +"My present situation gave a new turn to my reflection; and I wondered +(now the film seemed to be withdrawn, that obscured the piercing sight of +reason) how I could, previously to the deciding outrage, have considered +myself as everlastingly united to vice and folly? 'Had an evil genius +cast a spell at my birth; or a demon stalked out of chaos, to perplex my +understanding, and enchain my will, with delusive prejudices?' + +"I pursued this train of thinking; it led me out of myself, to expatiate +on the misery peculiar to my sex. 'Are not,' I thought, 'the despots for +ever stigmatized, who, in the wantonness of power, commanded even the +most atrocious criminals to be chained to dead bodies? though surely +those laws are much more inhuman, which forge adamantine fetters to bind +minds together, that never can mingle in social communion! What indeed +can equal the wretchedness of that state, in which there is no +alternative, but to extinguish the affections, or encounter infamy?' + + + + +CHAP. XII. + + +"TOWARDS midnight Mr. Venables entered my chamber; and, with calm +audacity preparing to go to bed, he bade me make haste, 'for that was the +best place for husbands and wives to end their differences. He had been +drinking plentifully to aid his courage. + +"I did not at first deign to reply. But perceiving that he affected to +take my silence for consent, I told him that, 'If he would not go to +another bed, or allow me, I should sit up in my study all night.' He +attempted to pull me into the chamber, half joking. But I resisted; and, +as he had determined not to give me any reason for saying that he used +violence, after a few more efforts, he retired, cursing my obstinacy, to +bed. + +"I sat musing some time longer; then, throwing my cloak around me, +prepared for sleep on a sopha. And, so fortunate seemed my deliverance, +so sacred the pleasure of being thus wrapped up in myself, that I slept +profoundly, and woke with a mind composed to encounter the struggles of +the day. Mr. Venables did not wake till some hours after; and then he +came to me half-dressed, yawning and stretching, with haggard eyes, as if +he scarcely recollected what had passed the preceding evening. He fixed +his eyes on me for a moment, then, calling me a fool, asked 'How long I +intended to continue this pretty farce? For his part, he was devilish +sick of it; but this was the plague of marrying women who pretended to +know something.' + +"I made no other reply to this harangue, than to say, 'That he ought to +be glad to get rid of a woman so unfit to be his companion--and that any +change in my conduct would be mean dissimulation; for maturer reflection +only gave the sacred seal of reason to my first resolution.' + +"He looked as if he could have stamped with impatience, at being obliged +to stifle his rage; but, conquering his anger (for weak people, whose +passions seem the most ungovernable, restrain them with the greatest +ease, when they have a sufficient motive), he exclaimed, 'Very pretty, +upon my soul! very pretty, theatrical flourishes! Pray, fair Roxana, +stoop from your altitudes, and remember that you are acting a part in +real life.' + +"He uttered this speech with a self-satisfied air, and went down stairs +to dress. + +"In about an hour he came to me again; and in the same tone said, 'That +he came as my gentleman-usher to hand me down to breakfast. + +"'Of the black rod?' asked I. + +"This question, and the tone in which I asked it, a little disconcerted +him. To say the truth, I now felt no resentment; my firm resolution to +free myself from my ignoble thraldom, had absorbed the various emotions +which, during six years, had racked my soul. The duty pointed out by my +principles seemed clear; and not one tender feeling intruded to make me +swerve: The dislike which my husband had inspired was strong; but it only +led me to wish to avoid, to wish to let him drop out of my memory; there +was no misery, no torture that I would not deliberately have chosen, +rather than renew my lease of servitude. + +"During the breakfast, he attempted to reason with me on the folly of +romantic sentiments; for this was the indiscriminate epithet he gave to +every mode of conduct or thinking superior to his own. He asserted, 'that +all the world were governed by their own interest; those who pretended to +be actuated by different motives, were only deeper knaves, or fools +crazed by books, who took for gospel all the rodomantade nonsense written +by men who knew nothing of the world. For his part, he thanked God, he +was no hypocrite; and, if he stretched a point sometimes, it was always +with an intention of paying every man his own.' + +"He then artfully insinuated, 'that he daily expected a vessel to +arrive, a successful speculation, that would make him easy for the +present, and that he had several other schemes actually depending, that +could not fail. He had no doubt of becoming rich in a few years, though +he had been thrown back by some unlucky adventures at the setting out.' + +"I mildly replied, 'That I wished he might not involve himself still +deeper.' + +"He had no notion that I was governed by a decision of judgment, not to +be compared with a mere spurt of resentment. He knew not what it was to +feel indignation against vice, and often boasted of his placable temper, +and readiness to forgive injuries. True; for he only considered the being +deceived, as an effort of skill he had not guarded against; and then, +with a cant of candour, would observe, 'that he did not know how he +might himself have been tempted to act in the same circumstances.' And, +as his heart never opened to friendship, it never was wounded by +disappointment. Every new acquaintance he protested, it is true, was 'the +cleverest fellow in the world;' and he really thought so; till the +novelty of his conversation or manners ceased to have any effect on his +sluggish spirits. His respect for rank or fortune was more permanent, +though he chanced to have no design of availing himself of the influence +of either to promote his own views. + +"After a prefatory conversation,--my blood (I thought it had been cooler) +flushed over my whole countenance as he spoke--he alluded to my +situation. He desired me to reflect--'and act like a prudent woman, as +the best proof of my superior understanding; for he must own I had sense, +did I know how to use it. I was not,' he laid a stress on his words, +'without my passions; and a husband was a convenient cloke.--He was +liberal in his way of thinking; and why might not we, like many other +married people, who were above vulgar prejudices, tacitly consent to let +each other follow their own inclination?--He meant nothing more, in the +letter I made the ground of complaint; and the pleasure which I seemed to +take in Mr. S.'s company, led him to conclude, that he was not +disagreeable to me.' + +"A clerk brought in the letters of the day, and I, as I often did, while +he was discussing subjects of business, went to the _piano forte_, and +began to play a favourite air to restore myself, as it were, to nature, +and drive the sophisticated sentiments I had just been obliged to listen +to, out of my soul. + +"They had excited sensations similar to those I have felt, in viewing the +squalid inhabitants of some of the lanes and back streets of the +metropolis, mortified at being compelled to consider them as my +fellow-creatures, as if an ape had claimed kindred with me. Or, as when +surrounded by a mephitical fog, I have wished to have a volley of cannon +fired, to clear the incumbered atmosphere, and give me room to breathe +and move. + +"My spirits were all in arms, and I played a kind of extemporary prelude. +The cadence was probably wild and impassioned, while, lost in thought, I +made the sounds a kind of echo to my train of thinking. + +"Pausing for a moment, I met Mr. Venables' eyes. He was observing me with +an air of conceited satisfaction, as much as to say--'My last insinuation +has done the business--she begins to know her own interest.' Then +gathering up his letters, he said, 'That he hoped he should hear no more +romantic stuff, well enough in a miss just come from boarding school;' +and went, as was his custom, to the counting-house. I still continued +playing; and, turning to a sprightly lesson, I executed it with uncommon +vivacity. I heard footsteps approach the door, and was soon convinced +that Mr. Venables was listening; the consciousness only gave more +animation to my fingers. He went down into the kitchen, and the cook, +probably by his desire, came to me, to know what I would please to order +for dinner. Mr. Venables came into the parlour again, with apparent +carelessness. I perceived that the cunning man was over-reaching himself; +and I gave my directions as usual, and left the room. + +"While I was making some alteration in my dress, Mr. Venables peeped in, +and, begging my pardon for interrupting me, disappeared. I took up some +work (I could not read), and two or three messages were sent to me, +probably for no other purpose, but to enable Mr. Venables to ascertain +what I was about. + +"I listened whenever I heard the street-door open; at last I imagined I +could distinguish Mr. Venables' step, going out. I laid aside my work; +my heart palpitated; still I was afraid hastily to enquire; and I waited +a long half hour, before I ventured to ask the boy whether his master was +in the counting-house? + +"Being answered in the negative, I bade him call me a coach, and +collecting a few necessaries hastily together, with a little parcel of +letters and papers which I had collected the preceding evening, I hurried +into it, desiring the coachman to drive to a distant part of the town. + +"I almost feared that the coach would break down before I got out of the +street; and, when I turned the corner, I seemed to breathe a freer air. I +was ready to imagine that I was rising above the thick atmosphere of +earth; or I felt, as wearied souls might be supposed to feel on entering +another state of existence. + +"I stopped at one or two stands of coaches to elude pursuit, and then +drove round the skirts of the town to seek for an obscure lodging, where +I wished to remain concealed, till I could avail myself of my uncle's +protection. I had resolved to assume my own name immediately, and openly +to avow my determination, without any formal vindication, the moment I +had found a home, in which I could rest free from the daily alarm of +expecting to see Mr. Venables enter. + +"I looked at several lodgings; but finding that I could not, without a +reference to some acquaintance, who might inform my tyrant, get +admittance into a decent apartment--men have not all this trouble--I +thought of a woman whom I had assisted to furnish a little haberdasher's +shop, and who I knew had a first floor to let. + +"I went to her, and though I could not persuade her, that the quarrel +between me and Mr. Venables would never be made up, still she agreed to +conceal me for the present; yet assuring me at the same time, shaking her +head, that, when a woman was once married, she must bear every thing. Her +pale face, on which appeared a thousand haggard lines and delving +wrinkles, produced by what is emphatically termed fretting, inforced her +remark; and I had afterwards an opportunity of observing the treatment +she had to endure, which grizzled her into patience. She toiled from +morning till night; yet her husband would rob the till, and take away the +money reserved for paying bills; and, returning home drunk, he would +beat her if she chanced to offend him, though she had a child at the +breast. + +"These scenes awoke me at night; and, in the morning, I heard her, as +usual, talk to her dear Johnny--he, forsooth, was her master; no slave in +the West Indies had one more despotic; but fortunately she was of the +true Russian breed of wives. + +"My mind, during the few past days, seemed, as it were, disengaged from +my body; but, now the struggle was over, I felt very forcibly the effect +which perturbation of spirits produces on a woman in my situation. + +"The apprehension of a miscarriage, obliged me to confine myself to my +apartment near a fortnight; but I wrote to my uncle's friend for money, +promising 'to call on him, and explain my situation, when I was well +enough to go out; mean time I earnestly intreated him, not to mention my +place of abode to any one, lest my husband--such the law considered +him--should disturb the mind he could not conquer. I mentioned my +intention of setting out for Lisbon, to claim my uncle's protection, the +moment my health would permit.' + +"The tranquillity however, which I was recovering, was soon interrupted. +My landlady came up to me one day, with eyes swollen with weeping, unable +to utter what she was commanded to say. She declared, 'That she was never +so miserable in her life; that she must appear an ungrateful monster; and +that she would readily go down on her knees to me, to intreat me to +forgive her, as she had done to her husband to spare her the cruel task.' +Sobs prevented her from proceeding, or answering my impatient enquiries, +to know what she meant. + +"When she became a little more composed, she took a newspaper out of her +pocket, declaring, 'that her heart smote her, but what could she do?--she +must obey her husband.' I snatched the paper from her. An advertisement +quickly met my eye, purporting, that 'Maria Venables had, without any +assignable cause, absconded from her husband; and any person harbouring +her, was menaced with the utmost severity of the law.' + +"Perfectly acquainted with Mr. Venables' meanness of soul, this step did +not excite my surprise, and scarcely my contempt. Resentment in my +breast, never survived love. I bade the poor woman, in a kind tone, wipe +her eyes, and request her husband to come up, and speak to me himself. + +"My manner awed him. He respected a lady, though not a woman; and began +to mutter out an apology. + +"'Mr. Venables was a rich gentleman; he wished to oblige me, but he had +suffered enough by the law already, to tremble at the thought; besides, +for certain, we should come together again, and then even I should not +thank him for being accessary to keeping us asunder.--A husband and wife +were, God knows, just as one,--and all would come round at last.' He +uttered a drawling 'Hem!' and then with an arch look, added--'Master +might have had his little frolics--but--Lord bless your heart!--men +would be men while the world stands.' + +"To argue with this privileged first-born of reason, I perceived, would +be vain. I therefore only requested him to let me remain another day at +his house, while I sought for a lodging; and not to inform Mr. Venables +that I had ever been sheltered there. + +"He consented, because he had not the courage to refuse a person for whom +he had an habitual respect; but I heard the pent-up choler burst forth in +curses, when he met his wife, who was waiting impatiently at the foot of +the stairs, to know what effect my expostulations would have on him. + +"Without wasting any time in the fruitless indulgence of vexation, I once +more set out in search of an abode in which I could hide myself for a +few weeks. + +"Agreeing to pay an exorbitant price, I hired an apartment, without any +reference being required relative to my character: indeed, a glance at my +shape seemed to say, that my motive for concealment was sufficiently +obvious. Thus was I obliged to shroud my head in infamy. + +"To avoid all danger of detection--I use the appropriate word, my child, +for I was hunted out like a felon--I determined to take possession of my +new lodgings that very evening. + +"I did not inform my landlady where I was going. I knew that she had a +sincere affection for me, and would willingly have run any risk to show +her gratitude; yet I was fully convinced, that a few kind words from +Johnny would have found the woman in her, and her dear benefactress, as +she termed me in an agony of tears, would have been sacrificed, to +recompense her tyrant for condescending to treat her like an equal. He +could be kind-hearted, as she expressed it, when he pleased. And this +thawed sternness, contrasted with his habitual brutality, was the more +acceptable, and could not be purchased at too dear a rate. + +"The sight of the advertisement made me desirous of taking refuge with my +uncle, let what would be the consequence; and I repaired in a hackney +coach (afraid of meeting some person who might chance to know me, had I +walked) to the chambers of my uncle's friend. + +"He received me with great politeness (my uncle had already prepossessed +him in my favour), and listened, with interest, to my explanation of the +motives which had induced me to fly from home, and skulk in obscurity, +with all the timidity of fear that ought only to be the companion of +guilt. He lamented, with rather more gallantry than, in my situation, I +thought delicate, that such a woman should be thrown away on a man +insensible to the charms of beauty or grace. He seemed at a loss what to +advise me to do, to evade my husband's search, without hastening to my +uncle, whom, he hesitating said, I might not find alive. He uttered this +intelligence with visible regret; requested me, at least, to wait for the +arrival of the next packet; offered me what money I wanted, and promised +to visit me. + +"He kept his word; still no letter arrived to put an end to my painful +state of suspense. I procured some books and music, to beguile the +tedious solitary days. + + 'Come, ever smiling Liberty, + 'And with thee bring thy jocund train:' + +I sung--and sung till, saddened by the strain of joy, I bitterly lamented +the fate that deprived me of all social pleasure. Comparative liberty +indeed I had possessed myself of; but the jocund train lagged far +behind! + + + + +CHAP. XIII. + + +"BY watching my only visitor, my uncle's friend, or by some other means, +Mr. Venables discovered my residence, and came to enquire for me. The +maid-servant assured him there was no such person in the house. A bustle +ensued--I caught the alarm--listened--distinguished his voice, and +immediately locked the door. They suddenly grew still; and I waited near +a quarter of an hour, before I heard him open the parlour door, and mount +the stairs with the mistress of the house, who obsequiously declared that +she knew nothing of me. + +"Finding my door locked, she requested me to 'open it, and prepare to go +home with my husband, poor gentleman! to whom I had already occasioned +sufficient vexation.' I made no reply. Mr. Venables then, in an assumed +tone of softness, intreated me, 'to consider what he suffered, and my own +reputation, and get the better of childish resentment.' He ran on in the +same strain, pretending to address me, but evidently adapting his +discourse to the capacity of the landlady; who, at every pause, uttered +an exclamation of pity; or 'Yes, to be sure--Very true, sir.' + +"Sick of the farce, and perceiving that I could not avoid the hated +interview, I opened the door, and he entered. Advancing with easy +assurance to take my hand, I shrunk from his touch, with an involuntary +start, as I should have done from a noisome reptile, with more disgust +than terror. His conductress was retiring, to give us, as she said, an +opportunity to accommodate matters. But I bade her come in, or I would go +out; and curiosity impelled her to obey me. + +"Mr. Venables began to expostulate; and this woman, proud of his +confidence, to second him. But I calmly silenced her, in the midst of a +vulgar harangue, and turning to him, asked, 'Why he vainly tormented me? +declaring that no power on earth should force me back to his house.' + +"After a long altercation, the particulars of which, it would be to no +purpose to repeat, he left the room. Some time was spent in loud +conversation in the parlour below, and I discovered that he had brought +his friend, an attorney, with him. + + * * * * * * * +* * * * * * * * * * * * +* * * * * * * * * * * * +* * + +The tumult on the landing place, brought out a gentleman, who had +recently taken apartments in the house; he enquired why I was thus +assailed[91-A]? The voluble attorney instantly repeated the trite tale. +The stranger turned to me, observing, with the most soothing politeness +and manly interest, that 'my countenance told a very different story.' He +added, 'that I should not be insulted, or forced out of the house, by any +body.' + +"'Not by her husband?' asked the attorney. + +"'No, sir, not by her husband.' Mr. Venables advanced towards him--But +there was a decision in his attitude, that so well seconded that of his +voice, + +* * * * * * * * * * * +* * * * * * * * * * * +* * * * + +They left the house: at the same time protesting, that any one that +should dare to protect me, should be prosecuted with the utmost rigour. + +"They were scarcely out of the house, when my landlady came up to me +again, and begged my pardon, in a very different tone. For, though Mr. +Venables had bid her, at her peril, harbour me, he had not attended, I +found, to her broad hints, to discharge the lodging. I instantly promised +to pay her, and make her a present to compensate for my abrupt departure, +if she would procure me another lodging, at a sufficient distance; and +she, in return, repeating Mr. Venables' plausible tale, I raised her +indignation, and excited her sympathy, by telling her briefly the truth. + +"She expressed her commiseration with such honest warmth, that I felt +soothed; for I have none of that fastidious sensitiveness, which a vulgar +accent or gesture can alarm to the disregard of real kindness. I was ever +glad to perceive in others the humane feelings I delighted to exercise; +and the recollection of some ridiculous characteristic circumstances, +which have occurred in a moment of emotion, has convulsed me with +laughter, though at the instant I should have thought it sacrilegious to +have smiled. Your improvement, my dearest girl, being ever present to me +while I write, I note these feelings, because women, more accustomed to +observe manners than actions, are too much alive to ridicule. So much so, +that their boasted sensibility is often stifled by false delicacy. True +sensibility, the sensibility which is the auxiliary of virtue, and the +soul of genius, is in society so occupied with the feelings of others, as +scarcely to regard its own sensations. With what reverence have I looked +up at my uncle, the dear parent of my mind! when I have seen the sense of +his own sufferings, of mind and body, absorbed in a desire to comfort +those, whose misfortunes were comparatively trivial. He would have been +ashamed of being as indulgent to himself, as he was to others. 'Genuine +fortitude,' he would assert, 'consisted in governing our own emotions, +and making allowance for the weaknesses in our friends, that we would not +tolerate in ourselves.' But where is my fond regret leading me! + +"'Women must be submissive,' said my landlady. 'Indeed what could most +women do? Who had they to maintain them, but their husbands? Every woman, +and especially a lady, could not go through rough and smooth, as she had +done, to earn a little bread.' + +"She was in a talking mood, and proceeded to inform me how she had been +used in the world. 'She knew what it was to have a bad husband, or she +did not know who should.' I perceived that she would be very much +mortified, were I not to attend to her tale, and I did not attempt to +interrupt her, though I wished her, as soon as possible, to go out in +search of a new abode for me, where I could once more hide my head. + +"She began by telling me, 'That she had saved a little money in service; +and was over-persuaded (we must all be in love once in our lives) to +marry a likely man, a footman in the family, not worth a groat. My plan,' +she continued, 'was to take a house, and let out lodgings; and all went +on well, till my husband got acquainted with an impudent slut, who chose +to live on other people's means--and then all went to rack and ruin. He +ran in debt to buy her fine clothes, such clothes as I never thought of +wearing myself, and--would you believe it?--he signed an execution on my +very goods, bought with the money I worked so hard to get; and they came +and took my bed from under me, before I heard a word of the matter. Aye, +madam, these are misfortunes that you gentlefolks know nothing of,--but +sorrow is sorrow, let it come which way it will. + +"'I sought for a service again--very hard, after having a house of my +own!--but he used to follow me, and kick up such a riot when he was +drunk, that I could not keep a place; nay, he even stole my clothes, and +pawned them; and when I went to the pawnbroker's, and offered to take my +oath that they were not bought with a farthing of his money, they said, +'It was all as one, my husband had a right to whatever I had.' + +"'At last he listed for a soldier, and I took a house, making an +agreement to pay for the furniture by degrees; and I almost starved +myself, till I once more got before-hand in the world. + +"'After an absence of six years (God forgive me! I thought he was dead) +my husband returned; found me out, and came with such a penitent face, I +forgave him, and clothed him from head to foot. But he had not been a +week in the house, before some of his creditors arrested him; and, he +selling my goods, I found myself once more reduced to beggary; for I was +not as well able to work, go to bed late, and rise early, as when I +quitted service; and then I thought it hard enough. He was soon tired of +me, when there was nothing more to be had, and left me again. + +"'I will not tell you how I was buffeted about, till, hearing for certain +that he had died in an hospital abroad, I once more returned to my old +occupation; but have not yet been able to get my head above water: so, +madam, you must not be angry if I am afraid to run any risk, when I know +so well, that women have always the worst of it, when law is to decide.' + +"After uttering a few more complaints, I prevailed on my landlady to go +out in quest of a lodging; and, to be more secure, I condescended to the +mean shift of changing my name. + +"But why should I dwell on similar incidents!--I was hunted, like an +infected beast, from three different apartments, and should not have been +allowed to rest in any, had not Mr. Venables, informed of my uncle's +dangerous state of health, been inspired with the fear of hurrying me out +of the world as I advanced in my pregnancy, by thus tormenting and +obliging me to take sudden journeys to avoid him; and then his +speculations on my uncle's fortune must prove abortive. + +"One day, when he had pursued me to an inn, I fainted, hurrying from him; +and, falling down, the sight of my blood alarmed him, and obtained a +respite for me. It is strange that he should have retained any hope, +after observing my unwavering determination; but, from the mildness of my +behaviour, when I found all my endeavours to change his disposition +unavailing, he formed an erroneous opinion of my character, imagining +that, were we once more together, I should part with the money he could +not legally force from me, with the same facility as formerly. My +forbearance and occasional sympathy he had mistaken for weakness of +character; and, because he perceived that I disliked resistance, he +thought my indulgence and compassion mere selfishness, and never +discovered that the fear of being unjust, or of unnecessarily wounding +the feelings of another, was much more painful to me, than any thing I +could have to endure myself. Perhaps it was pride which made me imagine, +that I could bear what I dreaded to inflict; and that it was often easier +to suffer, than to see the sufferings of others. + +"I forgot to mention that, during this persecution, I received a letter +from my uncle, informing me, 'that he only found relief from continual +change of air; and that he intended to return when the spring was a +little more advanced (it was now the middle of February), and then we +would plan a journey to Italy, leaving the fogs and cares of England far +behind.' He approved of my conduct, promised to adopt my child, and +seemed to have no doubt of obliging Mr. Venables to hear reason. He wrote +to his friend, by the same post, desiring him to call on Mr. Venables in +his name; and, in consequence of the remonstrances he dictated, I was +permitted to lie-in tranquilly. + +"The two or three weeks previous, I had been allowed to rest in peace; +but, so accustomed was I to pursuit and alarm, that I seldom closed my +eyes without being haunted by Mr. Venables' image, who seemed to assume +terrific or hateful forms to torment me, wherever I turned.--Sometimes a +wild cat, a roaring bull, or hideous assassin, whom I vainly attempted to +fly; at others he was a demon, hurrying me to the brink of a precipice, +plunging me into dark waves, or horrid gulfs; and I woke, in violent fits +of trembling anxiety, to assure myself that it was all a dream, and to +endeavour to lure my waking thoughts to wander to the delightful Italian +vales, I hoped soon to visit; or to picture some august ruins, where I +reclined in fancy on a mouldering column, and escaped, in the +contemplation of the heart-enlarging virtues of antiquity, from the +turmoil of cares that had depressed all the daring purposes of my soul. +But I was not long allowed to calm my mind by the exercise of my +imagination; for the third day after your birth, my child, I was +surprised by a visit from my elder brother; who came in the most abrupt +manner, to inform me of the death of my uncle. He had left the greater +part of his fortune to my child, appointing me its guardian; in short, +every step was taken to enable me to be mistress of his fortune, without +putting any part of it in Mr. Venables' power. My brother came to vent +his rage on me, for having, as he expressed himself, 'deprived him, my +uncle's eldest nephew, of his inheritance;' though my uncle's property, +the fruit of his own exertion, being all in the funds, or on landed +securities, there was not a shadow of justice in the charge. + +"As I sincerely loved my uncle, this intelligence brought on a fever, +which I struggled to conquer with all the energy of my mind; for, in my +desolate state, I had it very much at heart to suckle you, my poor babe. +You seemed my only tie to life, a cherub, to whom I wished to be a +father, as well as a mother; and the double duty appeared to me to +produce a proportionate increase of affection. But the pleasure I felt, +while sustaining you, snatched from the wreck of hope, was cruelly damped +by melancholy reflections on my widowed state--widowed by the death of my +uncle. Of Mr. Venables I thought not, even when I thought of the felicity +of loving your father, and how a mother's pleasure might be exalted, and +her care softened by a husband's tenderness.--'Ought to be!' I exclaimed; +and I endeavoured to drive away the tenderness that suffocated me; but +my spirits were weak, and the unbidden tears would flow. 'Why was I,' I +would ask thee, but thou didst not heed me,--'cut off from the +participation of the sweetest pleasure of life?' I imagined with what +extacy, after the pains of child-bed, I should have presented my little +stranger, whom I had so long wished to view, to a respectable father, and +with what maternal fondness I should have pressed them both to my +heart!--Now I kissed her with less delight, though with the most +endearing compassion, poor helpless one! when I perceived a slight +resemblance of him, to whom she owed her existence; or, if any gesture +reminded me of him, even in his best days, my heart heaved, and I pressed +the innocent to my bosom, as if to purify it--yes, I blushed to think +that its purity had been sullied, by allowing such a man to be its +father. + +"After my recovery, I began to think of taking a house in the country, or +of making an excursion on the continent, to avoid Mr. Venables; and to +open my heart to new pleasures and affection. The spring was melting into +summer, and you, my little companion, began to smile--that smile made +hope bud out afresh, assuring me the world was not a desert. Your +gestures were ever present to my fancy; and I dwelt on the joy I should +feel when you would begin to walk and lisp. Watching your wakening mind, +and shielding from every rude blast my tender blossom, I recovered my +spirits--I dreamed not of the frost--'the killing frost,' to which you +were destined to be exposed.--But I lose all patience--and execrate the +injustice of the world--folly! ignorance!--I should rather call it; but, +shut up from a free circulation of thought, and always pondering on the +same griefs, I writhe under the torturing apprehensions, which ought to +excite only honest indignation, or active compassion; and would, could I +view them as the natural consequence of things. But, born a woman--and +born to suffer, in endeavouring to repress my own emotions, I feel more +acutely the various ills my sex are fated to bear--I feel that the evils +they are subject to endure, degrade them so far below their oppressors, +as almost to justify their tyranny; leading at the same time superficial +reasoners to term that weakness the cause, which is only the consequence +of short-sighted despotism. + +FOOTNOTES: + +[91-A] The introduction of Darnford as the deliverer of Maria, in an +early stage of the history, is already stated (Chap. III.) to have been +an after-thought of the author. This has probably caused the +imperfectness of the manuscript in the above passage; though, at the same +time, it must be acknowledged to be somewhat uncertain, whether Darnford +is the stranger intended in this place. It appears from Chap. XVII. that +an interference of a more decisive nature was designed to be attributed +to him. + +EDITOR. + + + + +CHAP. XIV. + + +"AS my mind grew calmer, the visions of Italy again returned with their +former glow of colouring; and I resolved on quitting the kingdom for a +time, in search of the cheerfulness, that naturally results from a change +of scene, unless we carry the barbed arrow with us, and only see what we +feel. + +"During the period necessary to prepare for a long absence, I sent a +supply to pay my father's debts, and settled my brothers in eligible +situations; but my attention was not wholly engrossed by my family, +though I do not think it necessary to enumerate the common exertions of +humanity. The manner in which my uncle's property was settled, prevented +me from making the addition to the fortune of my surviving sister, that I +could have wished; but I had prevailed on him to bequeath her two +thousand pounds, and she determined to marry a lover, to whom she had +been some time attached. Had it not been for this engagement, I should +have invited her to accompany me in my tour; and I might have escaped the +pit, so artfully dug in my path, when I was the least aware of danger. + +"I had thought of remaining in England, till I weaned my child; but this +state of freedom was too peaceful to last, and I had soon reason to wish +to hasten my departure. A friend of Mr. Venables, the same attorney who +had accompanied him in several excursions to hunt me from my hiding +places, waited on me to propose a reconciliation. On my refusal, he +indirectly advised me to make over to my husband--for husband he would +term him--the greater part of the property I had at command, menacing me +with continual persecution unless I complied, and that, as a last resort, +he would claim the child. I did not, though intimidated by the last +insinuation, scruple to declare, that I would not allow him to squander +the money left to me for far different purposes, but offered him five +hundred pounds, if he would sign a bond not to torment me any more. My +maternal anxiety made me thus appear to waver from my first +determination, and probably suggested to him, or his diabolical agent, +the infernal plot, which has succeeded but too well. + +"The bond was executed; still I was impatient to leave England. Mischief +hung in the air when we breathed the same; I wanted seas to divide us, +and waters to roll between, till he had forgotten that I had the means of +helping him through a new scheme. Disturbed by the late occurrences, I +instantly prepared for my departure. My only delay was waiting for a +maid-servant, who spoke French fluently, and had been warmly recommended +to me. A valet I was advised to hire, when I fixed on my place of +residence for any time. + +"My God, with what a light heart did I set out for Dover!--It was not my +country, but my cares, that I was leaving behind. My heart seemed to +bound with the wheels, or rather appeared the centre on which they +twirled. I clasped you to my bosom, exclaiming 'And you will be +safe--quite safe--when--we are once on board the packet.--Would we were +there!' I smiled at my idle fears, as the natural effect of continual +alarm; and I scarcely owned to myself that I dreaded Mr. Venables's +cunning, or was conscious of the horrid delight he would feel, at forming +stratagem after stratagem to circumvent me. I was already in the snare--I +never reached the packet--I never saw thee more.--I grow breathless. I +have scarcely patience to write down the details. The maid--the plausible +woman I had hired--put, doubtless, some stupifying potion in what I ate +or drank, the morning I left town. All I know is, that she must have +quitted the chaise, shameless wretch! and taken (from my breast) my babe +with her. How could a creature in a female form see me caress thee, and +steal thee from my arms! I must stop, stop to repress a mother's anguish; +left, in bitterness of soul, I imprecate the wrath of heaven on this +tiger, who tore my only comfort from me. + +"How long I slept I know not; certainly many hours, for I woke at the +close of day, in a strange confusion of thought. I was probably roused to +recollection by some one thundering at a huge, unwieldy gate. Attempting +to ask where I was, my voice died away, and I tried to raise it in vain, +as I have done in a dream. I looked for my babe with affright; feared +that it had fallen out of my lap, while I had so strangely forgotten +her; and, such was the vague intoxication, I can give it no other name, +in which I was plunged, I could not recollect when or where I last saw +you; but I sighed, as if my heart wanted room to clear my head. + +"The gates opened heavily, and the sullen sound of many locks and bolts +drawn back, grated on my very soul, before I was appalled by the creeking +of the dismal hinges, as they closed after me. The gloomy pile was before +me, half in ruins; some of the aged trees of the avenue were cut down, +and left to rot where they fell; and as we approached some mouldering +steps, a monstrous dog darted forwards to the length of his chain, and +barked and growled infernally. + +"The door was opened slowly, and a murderous visage peeped out, with a +lantern. 'Hush!' he uttered, in a threatning tone, and the affrighted +animal stole back to his kennel. The door of the chaise flew back, the +stranger put down the lantern, and clasped his dreadful arms around me. +It was certainly the effect of the soporific draught, for, instead of +exerting my strength, I sunk without motion, though not without sense, on +his shoulder, my limbs refusing to obey my will. I was carried up the +steps into a close-shut hall. A candle flaring in the socket, scarcely +dispersed the darkness, though it displayed to me the ferocious +countenance of the wretch who held me. + +"He mounted a wide staircase. Large figures painted on the walls seemed +to start on me, and glaring eyes to meet me at every turn. Entering a +long gallery, a dismal shriek made me spring out of my conductor's arms, +with I know not what mysterious emotion of terror; but I fell on the +floor, unable to sustain myself. + +"A strange-looking female started out of one of the recesses, and +observed me with more curiosity than interest; till, sternly bid retire, +she flitted back like a shadow. Other faces, strongly marked, or +distorted, peeped through the half-opened doors, and I heard some +incoherent sounds. I had no distinct idea where I could be--I looked on +all sides, and almost doubted whether I was alive or dead. + +"Thrown on a bed, I immediately sunk into insensibility again; and next +day, gradually recovering the use of reason, I began, starting +affrighted from the conviction, to discover where I was confined--I +insisted on seeing the master of the mansion--I saw him--and perceived +that I was buried alive.-- + +"Such, my child, are the events of thy mother's life to this dreadful +moment--Should she ever escape from the fangs of her enemies, she will +add the secrets of her prison-house--and--" + +Some lines were here crossed out, and the memoirs broke off abruptly with +the names of Jemima and Darnford. + + + + +APPENDIX. + +[ADVERTISEMENT. + + +THE performance, with a fragment of which the reader has now been +presented, was designed to consist of three parts. The preceding sheets +were considered as constituting one of those parts. Those persons who in +the perusal of the chapters, already written and in some degree finished +by the author, have felt their hearts awakened, and their curiosity +excited as to the sequel of the story, will, of course, gladly accept +even of the broken paragraphs and half-finished sentences, which have +been found committed to paper, as materials for the remainder. The +fastidious and cold-hearted critic may perhaps feel himself repelled by +the incoherent form in which they are presented. But an inquisitive +temper willingly accepts the most imperfect and mutilated information, +where better is not to be had: and readers, who in any degree resemble +the author in her quick apprehension of sentiment, and of the pleasures +and pains of imagination, will, I believe, find gratification, in +contemplating sketches, which were designed in a short time to have +received the finishing touches of her genius; but which must now for ever +remain a mark to record the triumphs of mortality, over schemes of +usefulness, and projects of public interest.] + + + + +CHAP. XV. + + +DARNFORD returned the memoirs to Maria, with a most affectionate letter, +in which he reasoned on "the absurdity of the laws respecting matrimony, +which, till divorces could be more easily obtained, was," he declared, +"the most insufferable bondage. Ties of this nature could not bind minds +governed by superior principles; and such beings were privileged to act +above the dictates of laws they had no voice in framing, if they had +sufficient strength of mind to endure the natural consequence. In her +case, to talk of duty, was a farce, excepting what was due to herself. +Delicacy, as well as reason, forbade her ever to think of returning to +her husband: was she then to restrain her charming sensibility through +mere prejudice? These arguments were not absolutely impartial, for he +disdained to conceal, that, when he appealed to her reason, he felt that +he had some interest in her heart.--The conviction was not more +transporting, than sacred--a thousand times a day, he asked himself how +he had merited such happiness?--and as often he determined to purify the +heart she deigned to inhabit--He intreated to be again admitted to her +presence." + +He was; and the tear which glistened in his eye, when he respectfully +pressed her to his bosom, rendered him peculiarly dear to the unfortunate +mother. Grief had stilled the transports of love, only to render their +mutual tenderness more touching. In former interviews, Darnford had +contrived, by a hundred little pretexts, to sit near her, to take her +hand, or to meet her eyes--now it was all soothing affection, and esteem +seemed to have rivalled love. He adverted to her narrative, and spoke +with warmth of the oppression she had endured.--His eyes, glowing with a +lambent flame, told her how much he wished to restore her to liberty and +love; but he kissed her hand, as if it had been that of a saint; and +spoke of the loss of her child, as if it had been his own.--What could +have been more flattering to Maria?--Every instance of self-denial was +registered in her heart, and she loved him, for loving her too well to +give way to the transports of passion. + +They met again and again; and Darnford declared, while passion suffused +his cheeks, that he never before knew what it was to love.-- + +One morning Jemima informed Maria, that her master intended to wait on +her, and speak to her without witnesses. He came, and brought a letter +with him, pretending that he was ignorant of its contents, though he +insisted on having it returned to him. It was from the attorney already +mentioned, who informed her of the death of her child, and hinted, "that +she could not now have a legitimate heir, and that, would she make over +the half of her fortune during life, she should be conveyed to Dover, and +permitted to pursue her plan of travelling." + +Maria answered with warmth, "That she had no terms to make with the +murderer of her babe, nor would she purchase liberty at the price of her +own respect." + +She began to expostulate with her jailor; but he sternly bade her "Be +silent--he had not gone so far, not to go further." + +Darnford came in the evening. Jemima was obliged to be absent, and she, +as usual, locked the door on them, to prevent interruption or +discovery.--The lovers were, at first, embarrassed; but fell insensibly +into confidential discourse. Darnford represented, "that they might soon +be parted," and wished her "to put it out of the power of fate to +separate them." + +As her husband she now received him, and he solemnly pledged himself as +her protector--and eternal friend.-- + +There was one peculiarity in Maria's mind: she was more anxious not to +deceive, than to guard against deception; and had rather trust without +sufficient reason, than be for ever the prey of doubt. Besides, what are +we, when the mind has, from reflection, a certain kind of elevation, +which exalts the contemplation above the little concerns of prudence! We +see what we wish, and make a world of our own--and, though reality may +sometimes open a door to misery, yet the moments of happiness procured by +the imagination, may, without a paradox, be reckoned among the solid +comforts of life. Maria now, imagining that she had found a being of +celestial mould--was happy,--nor was she deceived.--He was then plastic +in her impassioned hand--and reflected all the sentiments which animated +and warmed her. + +-- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- + + + + +CHAP. XVI. + + +ONE morning confusion seemed to reign in the house, and Jemima came in +terror, to inform Maria, "that her master had left it, with a +determination, she was assured (and too many circumstances corroborated +the opinion, to leave a doubt of its truth) of never returning. I am +prepared then," said Jemima, "to accompany you in your flight." + +Maria started up, her eyes darting towards the door, as if afraid that +some one should fasten it on her for ever. + +Jemima continued, "I have perhaps no right now to expect the performance +of your promise; but on you it depends to reconcile me with the human +race." + +"But Darnford!"--exclaimed Maria, mournfully--sitting down again, and +crossing her arms--"I have no child to go to, and liberty has lost its +sweets." + +"I am much mistaken, if Darnford is not the cause of my master's +flight--his keepers assure me, that they have promised to confine him two +days longer, and then he will be free--you cannot see him; but they will +give a letter to him the moment he is free.--In that inform him where he +may find you in London; fix on some hotel. Give me your clothes; I will +send them out of the house with mine, and we will slip out at the +garden-gate. Write your letter while I make these arrangements, but lose +no time!" + +In an agitation of spirit, not to be calmed, Maria began to write to +Darnford. She called him by the sacred name of "husband," and bade him +"hasten to her, to share her fortune, or she would return to him."--An +hotel in the Adelphi was the place of rendezvous. + +The letter was sealed and given in charge; and with light footsteps, yet +terrified at the sound of them, she descended, scarcely breathing, and +with an indistinct fear that she should never get out at the garden gate. +Jemima went first. + +A being, with a visage that would have suited one possessed by a devil, +crossed the path, and seized Maria by the arm. Maria had no fear but of +being detained--"Who are you? what are you?" for the form was scarcely +human. "If you are made of flesh and blood," his ghastly eyes glared on +her, "do not stop me!" + +"Woman," interrupted a sepulchral voice, "what have I to do with +thee?"--Still he grasped her hand, muttering a curse. + +"No, no; you have nothing to do with me," she exclaimed, "this is a +moment of life and death!"-- + +With supernatural force she broke from him, and, throwing her arms round +Jemima, cried, "Save me!" The being, from whose grasp she had loosed +herself, took up a stone as they opened the door, and with a kind of +hellish sport threw it after them. They were out of his reach. + +When Maria arrived in town, she drove to the hotel already fixed on. But +she could not sit still--her child was ever before her; and all that had +passed during her confinement, appeared to be a dream. She went to the +house in the suburbs, where, as she now discovered, her babe had been +sent. The moment she entered, her heart grew sick; but she wondered not +that it had proved its grave. She made the necessary enquiries, and the +church-yard was pointed out, in which it rested under a turf. A little +frock which the nurse's child wore (Maria had made it herself) caught her +eye. The nurse was glad to sell it for half-a-guinea, and Maria hastened +away with the relic, and, re-entering the hackney-coach which waited for +her, gazed on it, till she reached her hotel. + +She then waited on the attorney who had made her uncle's will, and +explained to him her situation. He readily advanced her some of the +money which still remained in his hands, and promised to take the whole +of the case into consideration. Maria only wished to be permitted to +remain in quiet--She found that several bills, apparently with her +signature, had been presented to her agent, nor was she for a moment at a +loss to guess by whom they had been forged; yet, equally averse to +threaten or intreat, she requested her friend [the solicitor] to call on +Mr. Venables. He was not to be found at home; but at length his agent, +the attorney, offered a conditional promise to Maria, to leave her in +peace, as long as she behaved with propriety, if she would give up the +notes. Maria inconsiderately consented--Darnford was arrived, and she +wished to be only alive to love; she wished to forget the anguish she +felt whenever she thought of her child. + +They took a ready furnished lodging together, for she was above disguise; +Jemima insisting on being considered as her house-keeper, and to receive +the customary stipend. On no other terms would she remain with her +friend. + +Darnford was indefatigable in tracing the mysterious circumstances of his +confinement. The cause was simply, that a relation, a very distant one, +to whom he was heir, had died intestate, leaving a considerable fortune. +On the news of Darnford's arrival [in England, a person, intrusted with +the management of the property, and who had the writings in his +possession, determining, by one bold stroke, to strip Darnford of the +succession,] had planned his confinement; and [as soon as he had taken +the measures he judged most conducive to his object, this ruffian, +together with his instrument,] the keeper of the private mad-house, left +the kingdom. Darnford, who still pursued his enquiries, at last +discovered that they had fixed their place of refuge at Paris. + +Maria and he determined therefore, with the faithful Jemima, to visit +that metropolis, and accordingly were preparing for the journey, when +they were informed that Mr. Venables had commenced an action against +Darnford for seduction and adultery. The indignation Maria felt cannot be +explained; she repented of the forbearance she had exercised in giving up +the notes. Darnford could not put off his journey, without risking the +loss of his property: Maria therefore furnished him with money for his +expedition; and determined to remain in London till the termination of +this affair. + +She visited some ladies with whom she had formerly been intimate, but was +refused admittance; and at the opera, or Ranelagh, they could not +recollect her. Among these ladies there were some, not her most intimate +acquaintance, who were generally supposed to avail themselves of the +cloke of marriage, to conceal a mode of conduct, that would for ever have +damned their fame, had they been innocent, seduced girls. These +particularly stood aloof.--Had she remained with her husband, practising +insincerity, and neglecting her child to manage an intrigue, she would +still have been visited and respected. If, instead of openly living with +her lover, she could have condescended to call into play a thousand +arts, which, degrading her own mind, might have allowed the people who +were not deceived, to pretend to be so, she would have been caressed and +treated like an honourable woman. "And Brutus[138-A] is an honourable +man!" said Mark-Antony with equal sincerity. + +With Darnford she did not taste uninterrupted felicity; there was a +volatility in his manner which often distressed her; but love gladdened +the scene; besides, he was the most tender, sympathizing creature in the +world. A fondness for the sex often gives an appearance of humanity to +the behaviour of men, who have small pretensions to the reality; and they +seem to love others, when they are only pursuing their own +gratification. Darnford appeared ever willing to avail himself of her +taste and acquirements, while she endeavoured to profit by his decision +of character, and to eradicate some of the romantic notions, which had +taken root in her mind, while in adversity she had brooded over visions +of unattainable bliss. + +The real affections of life, when they are allowed to burst forth, are +buds pregnant with joy and all the sweet emotions of the soul; yet they +branch out with wild ease, unlike the artificial forms of felicity, +sketched by an imagination painful alive. The substantial happiness, +which enlarges and civilizes the mind, may be compared to the pleasure +experienced in roving through nature at large, inhaling the sweet gale +natural to the clime; while the reveries of a feverish imagination +continually sport themselves in gardens full of aromatic shrubs, which +cloy while they delight, and weaken the sense of pleasure they gratify. +The heaven of fancy, below or beyond the stars, in this life, or in those +ever-smiling regions surrounded by the unmarked ocean of futurity, have +an insipid uniformity which palls. Poets have imagined scenes of bliss; +but, fencing out sorrow, all the extatic emotions of the soul, and even +its grandeur, seem to be equally excluded. We dose over the unruffled +lake, and long to scale the rocks which fence the happy valley of +contentment, though serpents hiss in the pathless desert, and danger +lurks in the unexplored wiles. Maria found herself more indulgent as she +was happier, and discovered virtues, in characters she had before +disregarded, while chasing the phantoms of elegance and excellence, which +sported in the meteors that exhale in the marshes of misfortune. The +heart is often shut by romance against social pleasure; and, fostering a +sickly sensibility, grows callous to the soft touches of humanity. + +To part with Darnford was indeed cruel.--It was to feel most painfully +alone; but she rejoiced to think, that she should spare him the care and +perplexity of the suit, and meet him again, all his own. Marriage, as at +present constituted, she considered as leading to immorality--yet, as the +odium of society impedes usefulness, she wished to avow her affection to +Darnford, by becoming his wife according to established rules; not to be +confounded with women who act from very different motives, though her +conduct would be just the same without the ceremony as with it, and her +expectations from him not less firm. The being summoned to defend herself +from a charge which she was determined to plead guilty to, was still +galling, as it roused bitter reflections on the situation of women in +society. + +FOOTNOTES: + +[138-A] The name in the manuscript is by mistake written Caesar. + +EDITOR. + + + + +CHAP. XVII. + + +SUCH was her state of mind when the dogs of law were let loose on her. +Maria took the task of conducting Darnford's defence upon herself. She +instructed his counsel to plead guilty to the charge of adultery; but to +deny that of seduction. + +The counsel for the plaintiff opened the cause, by observing, "that his +client had ever been an indulgent husband, and had borne with several +defects of temper, while he had nothing criminal to lay to the charge of +his wife. But that she left his house without assigning any cause. He +could not assert that she was then acquainted with the defendant; yet, +when he was once endeavouring to bring her back to her home, this man +put the peace-officers to flight, and took her he knew not whither. After +the birth of her child, her conduct was so strange, and a melancholy +malady having afflicted one of the family, which delicacy forbade the +dwelling on, it was necessary to confine her. By some means the defendant +enabled her to make her escape, and they had lived together, in despite +of all sense of order and decorum. The adultery was allowed, it was not +necessary to bring any witnesses to prove it; but the seduction, though +highly probable from the circumstances which he had the honour to state, +could not be so clearly proved.--It was of the most atrocious kind, as +decency was set at defiance, and respect for reputation, which shows +internal compunction, utterly disregarded." + +A strong sense of injustice had silenced every emotion, which a mixture +of true and false delicacy might otherwise have excited in Maria's bosom. +She only felt in earnest to insist on the privilege of her nature. The +sarcasms of society, and the condemnation of a mistaken world, were +nothing to her, compared with acting contrary to those feelings which +were the foundation of her principles. [She therefore eagerly put herself +forward, instead of desiring to be absent, on this memorable occasion.] + +Convinced that the subterfuges of the law were disgraceful, she wrote a +paper, which she expressly desired might be read in court: + +"Married when scarcely able to distinguish the nature of the engagement, +I yet submitted to the rigid laws which enslave women, and obeyed the man +whom I could no longer love. Whether the duties of the state are +reciprocal, I mean not to discuss; but I can prove repeated infidelities +which I overlooked or pardoned. Witnesses are not wanting to establish +these facts. I at present maintain the child of a maid servant, sworn to +him, and born after our marriage. I am ready to allow, that education and +circumstances lead men to think and act with less delicacy, than the +preservation of order in society demands from women; but surely I may +without assumption declare, that, though I could excuse the birth, I +could not the desertion of this unfortunate babe:--and, while I despised +the man, it was not easy to venerate the husband. With proper +restrictions however, I revere the institution which fraternizes the +world. I exclaim against the laws which throw the whole weight of the +yoke on the weaker shoulders, and force women, when they claim +protectorship as mothers, to sign a contract, which renders them +dependent on the caprice of the tyrant, whom choice or necessity has +appointed to reign over them. Various are the cases, in which a woman +ought to separate herself from her husband; and mine, I may be allowed +emphatically to insist, comes under the description of the most +aggravated. + +"I will not enlarge on those provocations which only the individual can +estimate; but will bring forward such charges only, the truth of which is +an insult upon humanity. In order to promote certain destructive +speculations, Mr. Venables prevailed on me to borrow certain sums of a +wealthy relation; and, when I refused further compliance, he thought of +bartering my person; and not only allowed opportunities to, but urged, a +friend from whom he borrowed money, to seduce me. On the discovery of +this act of atrocity, I determined to leave him, and in the most decided +manner, for ever. I consider all obligation as made void by his conduct; +and hold, that schisms which proceed from want of principles, can never +be healed. + +"He received a fortune with me to the amount of five thousand pounds. On +the death of my uncle, convinced that I could provide for my child, I +destroyed the settlement of that fortune. I required none of my property +to be returned to me, nor shall enumerate the sums extorted from me +during six years that we lived together. + +"After leaving, what the law considers as my home, I was hunted like a +criminal from place to place, though I contracted no debts, and demanded +no maintenance--yet, as the laws sanction such proceeding, and make women +the property of their husbands, I forbear to animadvert. After the birth +of my daughter, and the death of my uncle, who left a very considerable +property to myself and child, I was exposed to new persecution; and, +because I had, before arriving at what is termed years of discretion, +pledged my faith, I was treated by the world, as bound for ever to a man +whose vices were notorious. Yet what are the vices generally known, to +the various miseries that a woman may be subject to, which, though +deeply felt, eating into the soul, elude description, and may be glossed +over! A false morality is even established, which makes all the virtue of +women consist in chastity, submission, and the forgiveness of injuries. + +"I pardon my oppressor--bitterly as I lament the loss of my child, torn +from me in the most violent manner. But nature revolts, and my soul +sickens at the bare supposition, that it could ever be a duty to pretend +affection, when a separation is necessary to prevent my feeling hourly +aversion. + +"To force me to give my fortune, I was imprisoned--yes; in a private +mad-house.--There, in the heart of misery, I met the man charged with +seducing me. We became attached--I deemed, and ever shall deem, myself +free. The death of my babe dissolved the only tie which subsisted +between me and my, what is termed, lawful husband. + +"To this person, thus encountered, I voluntarily gave myself, never +considering myself as any more bound to transgress the laws of moral +purity, because the will of my husband might be pleaded in my excuse, +than to transgress those laws to which [the policy of artificial society +has] annexed [positive] punishments.----While no command of a husband can +prevent a woman from suffering for certain crimes, she must be allowed to +consult her conscience, and regulate her conduct, in some degree, by her +own sense of right. The respect I owe to myself, demanded my strict +adherence to my determination of never viewing Mr. Venables in the light +of a husband, nor could it forbid me from encouraging another. If I am +unfortunately united to an unprincipled man, am I for ever to be shut out +from fulfilling the duties of a wife and mother?--I wish my country to +approve of my conduct; but, if laws exist, made by the strong to oppress +the weak, I appeal to my own sense of justice, and declare that I will +not live with the individual, who has violated every moral obligation +which binds man to man. + +"I protest equally against any charge being brought to criminate the man, +whom I consider as my husband. I was six-and-twenty when I left Mr. +Venables' roof; if ever I am to be supposed to arrive at an age to direct +my own actions, I must by that time have arrived at it.--I acted with +deliberation.--Mr. Darnford found me a forlorn and oppressed woman, and +promised the protection women in the present state of society want.--But +the man who now claims me--was he deprived of my society by this conduct? +The question is an insult to common sense, considering where Mr. Darnford +met me.--Mr. Venables' door was indeed open to me--nay, threats and +intreaties were used to induce me to return; but why? Was affection or +honour the motive?--I cannot, it is true, dive into the recesses of the +human heart--yet I presume to assert, [borne out as I am by a variety of +circumstances,] that he was merely influenced by the most rapacious +avarice. + +"I claim then a divorce, and the liberty of enjoying, free from +molestation, the fortune left to me by a relation, who was well aware of +the character of the man with whom I had to contend.--I appeal to the +justice and humanity of the jury--a body of men, whose private judgment +must be allowed to modify laws, that must be unjust, because definite +rules can never apply to indefinite circumstances--and I deprecate +punishment upon the man of my choice, freeing him, as I solemnly do, from +the charge of seduction.] + +"I did not put myself into a situation to justify a charge of adultery, +till I had, from conviction, shaken off the fetters which bound me to Mr. +Venables.--While I lived with him, I defy the voice of calumny to sully +what is termed the fair fame of woman.--Neglected by my husband, I never +encouraged a lover; and preserved with scrupulous care, what is termed my +honour, at the expence of my peace, till he, who should have been its +guardian, laid traps to ensnare me. From that moment I believed myself, +in the sight of heaven, free--and no power on earth shall force me to +renounce my resolution." + +The judge, in summing up the evidence, alluded to "the fallacy of letting +women plead their feelings, as an excuse for the violation of the +marriage-vow. For his part, he had always determined to oppose all +innovation, and the new-fangled notions which incroached on the good old +rules of conduct. We did not want French principles in public or private +life--and, if women were allowed to plead their feelings, as an excuse or +palliation of infidelity, it was opening a flood-gate for immorality. +What virtuous woman thought of her feelings?--It was her duty to love and +obey the man chosen by her parents and relations, who were qualified by +their experience to judge better for her, than she could for herself. As +to the charges brought against the husband, they were vague, supported by +no witnesses, excepting that of imprisonment in a private mad-house. The +proofs of an insanity in the family, might render that however a prudent +measure; and indeed the conduct of the lady did not appear that of a +person of sane mind. Still such a mode of proceeding could not be +justified, and might perhaps entitle the lady [in another court] to a +sentence of separation from bed and board, during the joint lives of the +parties; but he hoped that no Englishman would legalize adultery, by +enabling the adulteress to enrich her seducer. Too many restrictions +could not be thrown in the way of divorces, if we wished to maintain the +sanctity of marriage; and, though they might bear a little hard on a few, +very few individuals, it was evidently for the good of the whole." + + + + +CONCLUSION, + +BY THE EDITOR. + + +VERY few hints exist respecting the plan of the remainder of the work. I +find only two detached sentences, and some scattered heads for the +continuation of the story. I transcribe the whole. + + +I. + +"Darnford's letters were affectionate; but circumstances occasioned +delays, and the miscarriage of some letters rendered the reception of +wished-for answers doubtful: his return was necessary to calm Maria's +mind." + + +II. + +"As Darnford had informed her that his business was settled, his delaying +to return seemed extraordinary; but love to excess, excludes fear or +suspicion." + + * * * * * + +The scattered heads for the continuation of the story, are as +follow[159-A]. + + +I. + +"Trial for adultery--Maria defends herself--A separation from bed and +board is the consequence--Her fortune is thrown into chancery--Darnford +obtains a part of his property--Maria goes into the country." + + +II. + +"A prosecution for adultery commenced--Trial--Darnford sets out for +France--Letters--Once more pregnant--He returns--Mysterious +behaviour--Visit--Expectation--Discovery--Interview--Consequence." + + +III. + +"Sued by her husband--Damages awarded to him--Separation from bed and +board--Darnford goes abroad--Maria into the country--Provides for her +father--Is shunned--Returns to London--Expects to see her lover--The +rack of expectation--Finds herself again with child--Delighted--A +discovery--A visit--A miscarriage--Conclusion." + + +IV. + +"Divorced by her husband--Her lover +unfaithful--Pregnancy--Miscarriage--Suicide." + + * * * * * + +[The following passage appears in some respects to deviate from the +preceding hints. It is superscribed] + + +"THE END. + + +"She swallowed the laudanum; her soul was calm--the tempest had +subsided--and nothing remained but an eager longing to forget +herself--to fly from the anguish she endured to escape from thought--from +this hell of disappointment. + +"Still her eyes closed not--one remembrance with frightful velocity +followed another--All the incidents of her life were in arms, embodied to +assail her, and prevent her sinking into the sleep of death.--Her +murdered child again appeared to her, mourning for the babe of which she +was the tomb.--'And could it have a nobler?--Surely it is better to die +with me, than to enter on life without a mother's care!--I cannot +live!--but could I have deserted my child the moment it was born?--thrown +it on the troubled wave of life, without a hand to support it?'--She +looked up: 'What have I not suffered!--may I find a father where I am +going!'--Her head turned; a stupor ensued; a faintness--'Have a little +patience,' said Maria, holding her swimming head (she thought of her +mother), 'this cannot last long; and what is a little bodily pain to the +pangs I have endured?' + +"A new vision swam before her. Jemima seemed to enter--leading a little +creature, that, with tottering footsteps, approached the bed. The voice +of Jemima sounding as at a distance, called her--she tried to listen, to +speak, to look! + +"'Behold your child!' exclaimed Jemima. Maria started off the bed, and +fainted.--Violent vomiting followed. + +"When she was restored to life, Jemima addressed her with great +solemnity: '------ led me to suspect, that your husband and brother had +deceived you, and secreted the child. I would not torment you with +doubtful hopes, and I left you (at a fatal moment) to search for the +child!--I snatched her from misery--and (now she is alive again) would +you leave her alone in the world, to endure what I have endured?' + +"Maria gazed wildly at her, her whole frame was convulsed with emotion; +when the child, whom Jemima had been tutoring all the journey, uttered +the word 'Mamma!' She caught her to her bosom, and burst into a passion +of tears--then, resting the child gently on the bed, as if afraid of +killing it,--she put her hand to her eyes, to conceal as it were the +agonizing struggle of her soul. She remained silent for five minutes, +crossing her arms over her bosom, and reclining her head,--then +exclaimed: 'The conflict is over!--I will live for my child!'" + + * * * * * + +A few readers perhaps, in looking over these hints, will wonder how it +could have been practicable, without tediousness, or remitting in any +degree the interest of the story, to have filled, from these slight +sketches, a number of pages, more considerable than those which have been +already presented. But, in reality, these hints, simple as they are, are +pregnant with passion and distress. It is the refuge of barren authors +only, to crowd their fictions with so great a number of events, as to +suffer no one of them to sink into the reader's mind. It is the province +of true genius to develop events, to discover their capabilities, to +ascertain the different passions and sentiments with which they are +fraught, and to diversify them with incidents, that give reality to the +picture, and take a hold upon the mind of a reader of taste, from which +they can never be loosened. It was particularly the design of the author, +in the present instance, to make her story subordinate to a great moral +purpose, that "of exhibiting the misery and oppression, peculiar to +women, that arise out of the partial laws and customs of society.--This +view restrained her fancy[166-A]." It was necessary for her, to place in +a striking point of view, evils that are too frequently overlooked, and +to drag into light those details of oppression, of which the grosser and +more insensible part of mankind make little account. + + +THE END. + +FOOTNOTES: + +[159-A] To understand these minutes, it is necessary the reader should +consider each of them as setting out from the same point in the story, +_viz._ the point to which it is brought down in the preceding chapter. + +[166-A] See author's preface. + + + + +LESSONS. + + +ADVERTISEMENT, + +BY THE EDITOR. + + +THE following pages will, I believe, be judged by every reader of taste +to have been worth preserving, among the other testimonies the author +left behind her, of her genius and the soundness of her understanding. +To such readers I leave the task of comparing these lessons, with other +works of the same nature previously published. It is obvious that the +author has struck out a path of her own, and by no means intrenched upon +the plans of her predecessors. + +It may however excite surprise in some persons to find these papers +annexed to the conclusion of a novel. All I have to offer on this +subject, consists in the following considerations: + +First, something is to be allowed for the difficulty of arranging the +miscellaneous papers upon very different subjects, which will frequently +constitute an author's posthumous works. + + * * * * * + +Secondly, the small portion they occupy in the present volume, will +perhaps be accepted as an apology, by such good-natured readers (if any +such there are), to whom the perusal of them shall be a matter of perfect +indifference. + + * * * * * + +Thirdly, the circumstance which determined me in annexing them to the +present work, was the slight association (in default of a strong one) +between the affectionate and pathetic manner in which Maria Venables +addresses her infant, in the Wrongs of Woman; and the agonising and +painful sentiment with which the author originally bequeathed these +papers, as a legacy for the benefit of her child. + + + + +LESSONS. + +_The first book of a series which I intended to have written for my +unfortunate girl[175-A]._ + + +LESSON I. + +CAT. Dog. Cow. Horse. Sheep. Pig. Bird. Fly. + +Man. Boy. Girl. Child. + +Head. Hair. Face. Nose. Mouth. Chin. Neck. Arms. Hand. Leg. Foot. Back. +Breast. + +House. Wall. Field. Street. Stone. Grass. + +Bed. Chair. Door. Pot. Spoon. Knife. Fork. Plate. Cup. Box. Boy. Bell. + +Tree. Leaf. Stick. Whip. Cart. Coach. + +Frock. Hat. Coat. Shoes. Shift. Cap. + +Bread. Milk. Tea. Meat. Drink. Cake. + + +LESSON II. + +Come. Walk. Run. Go. Jump. Dance. Ride. Sit. Stand. Play. Hold. Shake. +Speak. Sing. Cry. Laugh. Call. Fall. + +Day. Night. Sun. Moon. Light. Dark. Sleep. Wake. + +Wash. Dress. Kiss. Comb. + +Fire. Hot. Burn. Wind. Rain. Cold. + +Hurt. Tear. Break. Spill. + +Book. See. Look. + +Sweet. Good. Clean. + +Gone. Lost. Hide. Keep. Give. Take. + +One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten. + +White. Black. Red. Blue. Green. Brown. + + +LESSON III. + +STROKE the cat. Play with the Dog. Eat the bread. Drink the milk. Hold +the cup. Lay down the knife. + +Look at the fly. See the horse. Shut the door. Bring the chair. Ring the +bell. Get your book. + +Hide your face. Wipe your nose. Wash your hands. Dirty hands. Why do you +cry? A clean mouth. Shake hands. I love you. Kiss me now. Good girl. + +The bird sings. The fire burns. The cat jumps. The dog runs. The bird +flies. The cow lies down. The man laughs. The child cries. + + +LESSON IV. + +LET me comb your head. Ask Betty to wash your face. Go and see for some +bread. Drink milk, if you are dry. Play on the floor with the ball. Do +not touch the ink; you will black your hands. + +What do you want to say to me? Speak slow, not so fast. Did you fall? You +will not cry, not you; the baby cries. Will you walk in the fields? + + +LESSON V. + +COME to me, my little girl. Are you tired of playing? Yes. Sit down and +rest yourself, while I talk to you. + +Have you seen the baby? Poor little thing. O here it comes. Look at him. +How helpless he is. Four years ago you were as feeble as this very little +boy. + +See, he cannot hold up his head. He is forced to lie on his back, if his +mamma do not turn him to the right or left side, he will soon begin to +cry. He cries to tell her, that he is tired with lying on his back. + + +LESSON VI. + +PERHAPS he is hungry. What shall we give him to eat? Poor fellow, he +cannot eat. Look in his mouth, he has no teeth. + +How did you do when you were a baby like him? You cannot tell. Do you +want to know? Look then at the dog, with her pretty puppy. You could not +help yourself as well as the puppy. You could only open your mouth, when +you were lying, like William, on my knee. So I put you to my breast, and +you sucked, as the puppy sucks now, for there was milk enough for you. + + +LESSON VII. + +WHEN you were hungry, you began to cry, because you could not speak. You +were seven months without teeth, always sucking. But after you got one, +you began to gnaw a crust of bread. It was not long before another came +pop. At ten months you had four pretty white teeth, and you used to bite +me. Poor mamma! Still I did not cry, because I am not a child, but you +hurt me very much. So I said to papa, it is time the little girl should +eat. She is not naughty, yet she hurts me. I have given her a crust of +bread, and I must look for some other milk. + +The cow has got plenty, and her jumping calf eats grass very well. He has +got more teeth than my little girl. Yes, says papa, and he tapped you on +the cheek, you are old enough to learn to eat? Come to me, and I will +teach you, my little dear, for you must not hurt poor mamma, who has +given you her milk, when you could not take any thing else. + + +LESSON VIII. + +YOU were then on the carpet, for you could not walk well. So when you +were in a hurry, you used to run quick, quick, quick, on your hands and +feet, like the dog. + +Away you ran to papa, and putting both your arms round his leg, for your +hands were not big enough, you looked up at him, and laughed. What did +this laugh say, when you could not speak? Cannot you guess by what you +now say to papa?--Ah! it was, Play with me, papa!--play with me! + +Papa began to smile, and you knew that the smile was always--Yes. So you +got a ball, and papa threw it along the floor--Roll--roll--roll; and you +ran after it again--and again. How pleased you were. Look at William, he +smiles; but you could laugh loud--Ha! ha! ha!--Papa laughed louder than +the little girl, and rolled the ball still faster. + +Then he put the ball on a chair, and you were forced to take hold of the +back, and stand up to reach it. At last you reached too far, and down you +fell: not indeed on your face, because you put out your hands. You were +not much hurt; but the palms of your hands smarted with the pain, and you +began to cry, like a little child. + +It is only very little children who cry when they are hurt; and it is to +tell their mamma, that something is the matter with them. Now you can +come to me, and say, Mamma, I have hurt myself. Pray rub my hand: it +smarts. Put something on it, to make it well. A piece of rag, to stop the +blood. You are not afraid of a little blood--not you. You scratched your +arm with a pin: it bled a little; but it did you no harm. See, the skin +is grown over it again. + + +LESSON IX. + +TAKE care not to put pins in your mouth, because they will stick in your +throat, and give you pain. Oh! you cannot think what pain a pin would +give you in your throat, should it remain there: but, if you by chance +swallow it, I should be obliged to give you, every morning, something +bitter to drink. You never tasted any thing so bitter! and you would grow +very sick. I never put pins in my mouth; but I am older than you, and +know how to take care of myself. + +My mamma took care of me, when I was a little girl, like you. She bade me +never put any thing in my mouth, without asking her what it was. + +When you were a baby, with no more sense than William, you put every +thing in your mouth to gnaw, to help your teeth to cut through the skin. +Look at the puppy, how he bites that piece of wood. William presses his +gums against my finger. Poor boy! he is so young, he does not know what +he is doing. When you bite any thing, it is because you are hungry. + + +LESSON X. + +SEE how much taller you are than William. In four years you have learned +to eat, to walk, to talk. Why do you smile? You can do much more, you +think: you can wash your hands and face. Very well. I should never kiss a +dirty face. And you can comb your head with the pretty comb you always +put by in your own drawer. To be sure, you do all this to be ready to +take a walk with me. You would be obliged to stay at home, if you could +not comb your own hair. Betty is busy getting the dinner ready, and only +brushes William's hair, because he cannot do it for himself. + +Betty is making an apple-pye. You love an apple-pye; but I do not bid you +make one. Your hands are not strong enough to mix the butter and flour +together; and you must not try to pare the apples, because you cannot +manage a great knife. + +Never touch the large knives: they are very sharp, and you might cut your +finger to the bone. You are a little girl, and ought to have a little +knife. When you are as tall as I am, you shall have a knife as large as +mine; and when you are as strong as I am, and have learned to manage it, +you will not hurt yourself. + +You can trundle a hoop, you say; and jump over a stick. O, I forgot!--and +march like the men in the red coats, when papa plays a pretty tune on the +fiddle. + + +LESSON XI. + +WHAT, you think that you shall soon be able to dress yourself entirely? I +am glad of it: I have something else to do. You may go, and look for your +frock in the drawer; but I will tie it, till you are stronger. Betty will +tie it, when I am busy. + +I button my gown myself: I do not want a maid to assist me, when I am +dressing. But you have not yet got sense enough to do it properly, and +must beg somebody to help you, till you are older. + +Children grow older and wiser at the same time. William is not able to +take a piece of meat, because he has not got the sense which would make +him think that, without teeth, meat would do him harm. He cannot tell +what is good for him. + +The sense of children grows with them. You know much more than William, +now you walk alone, and talk; but you do not know as much as the boys and +girls you see playing yonder, who are half as tall again as you; and they +do not know half as much as their fathers and mothers, who are men and +women grown. Papa and I were children, like you; and men and women took +care of us. I carry William, because he is too weak to walk. I lift you +over a stile, and over the gutter, when you cannot jump over it. + +You know already, that potatoes will not do you any harm: but I must +pluck the fruit for you, till you are wise enough to know the ripe apples +and pears. The hard ones would make you sick, and then you must take +physic. You do not love physic: I do not love it any more than you. But I +have more sense than you; therefore I take care not to eat unripe fruit, +or any thing else that would make my stomach ache, or bring out ugly red +spots on my face. + +When I was a child, my mamma chose the fruit for me, to prevent my making +myself sick. I was just like you; I used to ask for what I saw, without +knowing whether it was good or bad. Now I have lived a long time, I know +what is good; I do not want any body to tell me. + + +LESSON XII. + +LOOK at those two dogs. The old one brings the ball to me in a moment; +the young one does not know how. He must be taught. + +I can cut your shift in a proper shape. You would not know how to begin. +You would spoil it; but you will learn. + +John digs in the garden, and knows when to put the seed in the ground. +You cannot tell whether it should be in the winter or summer. Try to find +it out. When do the trees put out their leaves? In the spring, you say, +after the cold weather. Fruit would not grow ripe without very warm +weather. Now I am sure you can guess why the summer is the season for +fruit. + +Papa knows that peas and beans are good for us to eat with our meat. You +are glad when you see them; but if he did not think for you, and have the +seed put in the ground, we should have no peas or beans. + + +LESSON XIII. + +POOR child, she cannot do much for herself. When I let her do any thing +for me, it is to please her: for I could do it better myself. + +Oh! the poor puppy has tumbled off the stool. Run and stroak him. Put a +little milk in a saucer to comfort him. You have more sense than he. You +can pour the milk into the saucer without spilling it. He would cry for a +day with hunger, without being able to get it. You are wiser than the +dog, you must help him. The dog will love you for it, and run after you. +I feed you and take care of you: you love me and follow me for it. + +When the book fell down on your foot, it gave you great pain. The poor +dog felt the same pain just now. + +Take care not to hurt him when you play with him. And every morning leave +a little milk in your bason for him. Do not forget to put the bason in a +corner, lest somebody should fall over it. + +When the snow covers the ground, save the crumbs of bread for the birds. +In the summer they find feed enough, and do not want you to think about +them. + +I make broth for the poor man who is sick. A sick man is like a child, he +cannot help himself. + + +LESSON X. + +WHEN I caught cold some time ago, I had such a pain in my head, I could +scarcely hold it up. Papa opened the door very softly, because he loves +me. You love me, yet you made a noise. You had not the sense to know that +it made my head worse, till papa told you. + +Papa had a pain in the stomach, and he would not eat the fine cherries or +grapes on the table. When I brought him a cup of camomile tea, he drank +it without saying a word, or making an ugly face. He knows that I love +him, and that I would not give him any thing to drink that has a bad +taste, if it were not to do him good. + +You asked me for some apples when your stomach ached; but I was not angry +with you. If you had been as wise as papa, you would have said, I will +not eat the apples to-day, I must take some camomile tea. + +You say that you do not know how to think. Yes; you do a little. The +other day papa was tired; he had been walking about all the morning. +After dinner he fell asleep on the sopha. I did not bid you be quiet; but +you thought of what papa said to you, when my head ached. This made you +think that you ought not to make a noise, when papa was resting himself. +So you came to me, and said to me, very softly, Pray reach me my ball, +and I will go and play in the garden, till papa wakes. + +You were going out; but thinking again, you came back to me on your +tip-toes. Whisper----whisper. Pray mama, call me, when papa wakes; for I +shall be afraid to open the door to see, lest I should disturb him. + +Away you went.--Creep--creep--and shut the door as softly as I could have +done myself. + +That was thinking. When a child does wrong at first, she does not know +any better. But, after she has been told that she must not disturb mama, +when poor mama is unwell, she thinks herself, that she must not wake papa +when he is tired. + +Another day we will see if you can think about any thing else. + +THE END. + +FOOTNOTES: + +[175-A] This title which is indorsed on the back of the manuscript, I +conclude to have been written in a period of desperation, in the month of +October, 1795. + +EDITOR. + + + + +POSTHUMOUS WORKS + +OF THE + +AUTHOR + +OF A + +VINDICATION OF THE RIGHTS OF WOMAN. + +IN FOUR VOLUMES. + + * * * * * + +VOL. III. + + * * * * * + +_LONDON:_ + +PRINTED FOR J. JOHNSON, NO. 72, ST. PAUL'S + CHURCH-YARD; AND G. G. AND J. ROBINSON, + PATERNOSTER-ROW. + 1798. + + +LETTERS +AND +MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. + + +IN TWO VOLUMES. + + + +VOL. I. + + + + +PREFACE. + + +THE following Letters may possibly be found to contain the finest +examples of the language of sentiment and passion ever presented to the +world. They bear a striking resemblance to the celebrated romance of +Werter, though the incidents to which they relate are of a very different +cast. Probably the readers to whom Werter is incapable of affording +pleasure, will receive no delight from the present publication. The +editor apprehends that, in the judgment of those best qualified to +decide upon the comparison, these Letters will be admitted to have the +superiority over the fiction of Goethe. They are the offspring of a +glowing imagination, and a heart penetrated with the passion it essays to +describe. + +To the series of letters constituting the principal article in these two +volumes, are added various pieces, none of which, it is hoped, will be +found discreditable to the talents of the author. The slight fragment of +Letters on the Management of Infants, may be thought a trifle; but it +seems to have some value, as presenting to us with vividness the +intention of the writer on this important subject. The publication of a +few select Letters to Mr. Johnson, appeared to be at once a just monument +to the sincerity of his friendship, and a valuable and interesting +specimen of the mind of the writer. The Letter on the Present Character +of the French Nation, the Extract of the Cave of Fancy, a Tale, and the +Hints for the Second Part of the Rights of Woman, may, I believe, safely +be left to speak for themselves. The Essay on Poetry and our Relish for +the Beauties of Nature, appeared in the Monthly Magazine for April last, +and is the only piece in this collection which has previously found its +way to the press. + + + + +LETTERS. + + +LETTER I. + +Two o'Clock. + +MY dear love, after making my arrangements for our snug dinner to-day, I +have been taken by storm, and obliged to promise to dine, at an early +hour, with the Miss ----s, the _only_ day they intend to pass here. I +shall however leave the key in the door, and hope to find you at my +fire-side when I return, about eight o'clock. Will you not wait for poor +Joan?--whom you will find better, and till then think very +affectionately of her. + +Yours, truly, + +* * * * + +I am sitting down to dinner; so do not send an answer. + + * * * * * + +LETTER II. + +Past Twelve o'Clock, Monday night. + +[August.] + +I OBEY an emotion of my heart, which made me think of wishing thee, my +love, good-night! before I go to rest, with more tenderness than I can +to-morrow, when writing a hasty line or two under Colonel ----'s eye. You +can scarcely imagine with what pleasure I anticipate the day, when we +are to begin almost to live together; and you would smile to hear how +many plans of employment I have in my head, now that I am confident my +heart has found peace in your bosom.--Cherish me with that dignified +tenderness, which I have only found in you; and your own dear girl will +try to keep under a quickness of feeling, that has sometimes given you +pain--Yes, I will be _good_, that I may deserve to be happy; and whilst +you love me, I cannot again fall into the miserable state, which rendered +life a burthen almost too heavy to be borne. + +But, good-night!--God bless you! Sterne says, that is equal to a +kiss--yet I would rather give you the kiss into the bargain, glowing with +gratitude to Heaven, and affection to you. I like the word affection, +because it signifies something habitual; and we are soon to meet, to try +whether we have mind enough to keep our hearts warm. + +* * * * + +I will be at the barrier a little after ten o'clock +to-morrow[4-A].--Yours-- + + * * * * * + +LETTER III. + +Wednesday Morning. + +YOU have often called me, dear girl, but you would now say good, did you +know how very attentive I have been to the ---- ever since I came to +Paris. I am not however going to trouble you with the account, because I +like to see your eyes praise me; and, Milton insinuates, that, during +such recitals, there are interruptions, not ungrateful to the heart, when +the honey that drops from the lips is not merely words. + +Yet, I shall not (let me tell you before these people enter, to force me +to huddle away my letter) be content with only a kiss of DUTY--you _must_ +be glad to see me--because you are glad--or I will make love to the +_shade_ of Mirabeau, to whom my heart continually turned, whilst I was +talking with Madame ----, forcibly telling me, that it will ever have +sufficient warmth to love, whether I will or not, sentiment, though I so +highly respect principle.---- + +Not that I think Mirabeau utterly devoid of principles--Far from it--and, +if I had not begun to form a new theory respecting men, I should, in the +vanity of my heart, have _imagined_ that _I_ could have made something of +his----it was composed of such materials--Hush! here they come--and love +flies away in the twinkling of an eye, leaving a little brush of his wing +on my pale cheeks. + +I hope to see Dr. ---- this morning; I am going to Mr. ----'s to meet +him. ----, and some others, are invited to dine with us to-day; and +to-morrow I am to spend the day with ----. + +I shall probably not be able to return to ---- to-morrow; but it is no +matter, because I must take a carriage, I have so many books, that I +immediately want, to take with me.--On Friday then I shall expect you to +dine with me--and, if you come a little before dinner, it is so long +since I have seen you, you will not be scolded by yours affectionately + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER IV[7-A]. + +Friday Morning [September.] + +A MAN, whom a letter from Mr. ----previously announced, called here +yesterday for the payment of a draft; and, as he seemed disappointed at +not finding you at home, I sent him to Mr. ----. I have since seen him, +and he tells me that he has settled the business. + +So much for business!--May I venture to talk a little longer about less +weighty affairs?--How are you?--I have been following you all along the +road this comfortless weather; for, when I am absent from those I love, +my imagination is as lively, as if my senses had never been gratified by +their presence--I was going to say caresses--and why should I not? I have +found out that I have more mind than you, in one respect; because I can, +without any violent effort of reason, find food for love in the same +object, much longer than you can.--The way to my senses is through my +heart; but, forgive me! I think there is sometimes a shorter cut to +yours. + +With ninety-nine men out of a hundred, a very sufficient dash of folly is +necessary to render a woman _piquante_, a soft word for desirable; and, +beyond these casual ebullitions of sympathy, few look for enjoyment by +fostering a passion in their hearts. One reason, in short, why I wish my +whole sex to become wiser, is, that the foolish ones may not, by their +pretty folly, rob those whose sensibility keeps down their vanity, of the +few roses that afford them some solace in the thorny road of life. + +I do not know how I fell into these reflections, excepting one thought +produced it--that these continual separations were necessary to warm your +affection.--Of late, we are always separating.--Crack!--crack!--and away +you go.--This joke wears the sallow cast of thought; for, though I began +to write cheerfully, some melancholy tears have found their way into my +eyes, that linger there, whilst a glow of tenderness at my heart whispers +that you are one of the best creatures in the world.--Pardon then the +vagaries of a mind, that has been almost "crazed by care," as well as +"crossed in hapless love," and bear with me a _little_ longer!--When we +are settled in the country together, more duties will open before me, and +my heart, which now, trembling into peace, is agitated by every emotion +that awakens the remembrance of old griefs, will learn to rest on yours, +with that dignity your character, not to talk of my own, demands. + +Take care of yourself--and write soon to your own girl (you may add dear, +if you please) who sincerely loves you, and will try to convince you of +it, by becoming happier. + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER V. + +Sunday Night. + +I HAVE just received your letter, and feel as if I could not go to bed +tranquilly without saying a few words in reply--merely to tell you, that +my mind is serene, and my heart affectionate. + +Ever since you last saw me inclined to faint, I have felt some gentle +twitches, which make me begin to think, that I am nourishing a creature +who will soon be sensible of my care.--This thought has not only produced +an overflowing of tenderness to you, but made me very attentive to calm +my mind and take exercise, lest I should destroy an object, in whom we +are to have a mutual interest, you know. Yesterday--do not +smile!--finding that I had hurt myself by lifting precipitately a large +log of wood, I sat down in an agony, till I felt those said twitches +again. + +Are you very busy? +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +So you may reckon on its being finished soon, though not before you come +home, unless you are detained longer than I now allow myself to believe +you will.-- + +Be that as it may, write to me, my best love, and bid me be +patient--kindly--and the expressions of kindness will again beguile the +time, as sweetly as they have done to-night.--Tell me also over and over +again, that your happiness (and you deserve to be happy!) is closely +connected with mine, and I will try to dissipate, as they rise, the fumes +of former discontent, that have too often clouded the sunshine, which you +have endeavoured to diffuse through my mind. God bless you! Take care of +yourself, and remember with tenderness your affectionate + +* * * * + +I am going to rest very happy, and you have made me so.--This is the +kindest good-night I can utter. + + * * * * * + +LETTER VI. + +Friday Morning. + +I AM glad to find that other people can be unreasonable, as well as +myself--for be it known to thee, that I answered thy _first_ letter, the +very night it reached me (Sunday), though thou couldst not receive it +before Wednesday, because it was not sent off till the next day.--There +is a full, true, and particular account.-- + +Yet I am not angry with thee, my love, for I think that it is a proof of +stupidity, and likewise of a milk-and-water affection, which comes to the +same thing, when the temper is governed by a square and compass.--There +is nothing picturesque in this straight-lined equality, and the passions +always give grace to the actions. + +Recollection now makes my heart bound to thee; but, it is not to thy +money-getting face, though I cannot be seriously displeased with the +exertion which increases my esteem, or rather is what I should have +expected from thy character.--No; I have thy honest countenance before +me--Pop--relaxed by tenderness; a little--little wounded by my whims; and +thy eyes glistening with sympathy.--Thy lips then feel softer than +soft--and I rest my cheek on thine, forgetting all the world.--I have not +left the hue of love out of the picture--the rosy glow; and fancy has +spread it over my own cheeks, I believe, for I feel them burning, whilst +a delicious tear trembles in my eye, that would be all your own, if a +grateful emotion directed to the Father of nature, who has made me thus +alive to happiness, did not give more warmth to the sentiment it +divides--I must pause a moment. + +Need I tell you that I am tranquil after writing thus?--I do not know +why, but I have more confidence in your affection, when absent, than +present; nay, I think that you must love me, for, in the sincerity of my +heart let me say it, I believe I deserve your tenderness, because I am +true, and have a degree of sensibility that you can see and relish. + +Yours sincerely + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER VII. + +Sunday Morning [December 29.] + +YOU seem to have taken up your abode at H----. Pray sir! when do you +think of coming home? or, to write very considerately, when will business +permit you? I shall expect (as the country people say in England) that +you will make a _power_ of money to indemnify me for your absence. + +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- + +Well! but, my love, to the old story--am I to see you this week, or this +month?--I do not know what you are about--for, as you did not tell me, I +would not ask Mr. ----, who is generally pretty communicative. + +I long to see Mrs. ------; not to hear from you, so do not give yourself +airs, but to get a letter from Mr. ----. And I am half angry with you for +not informing me whether she had brought one with her or not.--On this +score I will cork up some of the kind things that were ready to drop from +my pen, which has never been dipt in gall when addressing you; or, will +only suffer an exclamation--"The creature!" or a kind look, to escape me, +when I pass the slippers--which I could not remove from my _salle_ door, +though they are not the handsomest of their kind. + +Be not too anxious to get money!--for nothing worth having is to be +purchased. God bless you. + +Yours affectionately + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER VIII. + +Monday Night [December 30.] + +MY best love, your letter to-night was particularly grateful to my heart, +depressed by the letters I received by ----, for he brought me several, +and the parcel of books directed to Mr. ------ was for me. Mr. ------'s +letter was long and very affectionate; but the account he gives me of his +own affairs, though he obviously makes the best of them, has vexed me. + +A melancholy letter from my sister ------ has also harrassed my +mind--that from my brother would have given me sincere pleasure; but for +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +There is a spirit of independence in his letter, that will please you; +and you shall see it, when we are once more over the fire together.--I +think that you would hail him as a brother, with one of your tender +looks, when your heart not only gives a lustre to your eye, but a dance +of playfulness, that he would meet with a glow half made up of +bashfulness, and a desire to please the----where shall I find a word to +express the relationship which subsists between us?--Shall I ask the +little twitcher?--But I have dropt half the sentence that was to tell you +how much he would be inclined to love the man loved by his sister. I have +been fancying myself sitting between you, ever since I began to write, +and my heart has leaped at the thought!--You see how I chat to you. + +I did not receive your letter till I came home; and I did not expect it, +for the post came in much later than usual. It was a cordial to me--and I +wanted one. + +Mr. ---- tells me that he has written again and again.--Love him a +little!--It would be a kind of separation, if you did not love those I +love. + +There was so much considerate tenderness in your epistle to-night, that, +if it has not made you dearer to me, it has made me forcibly feel how +very dear you are to me, by charming away half my cares. + +Yours affectionately + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER IX. + +Tuesday Morning [December 31.] + +THOUGH I have just sent a letter off, yet, as captain ---- offers to take +one, I am not willing to let him go without a kind greeting, because +trifles of this sort, without having any effect on my mind, damp my +spirits:--and you, with all your struggles to be manly, have some of this +same sensibility.--Do not bid it begone, for I love to see it striving to +master your features; besides, these kind of sympathies are the life of +affection: and why, in cultivating our understandings, should we try to +dry up these springs of pleasure, which gush out to give a freshness to +days browned by care! + +The books sent to me are such as we may read together; so I shall not +look into them till you return; when you shall read, whilst I mend my +stockings. + +Yours truly + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER X. + +Wednesday Night [January 1.] + +AS I have been, you tell me, three days without writing, I ought not to +complain of two: yet, as I expected to receive a letter this afternoon, I +am hurt; and why should I, by concealing it, affect the heroism I do not +feel? + +I hate commerce. How differently must ------'s head and heart be +organized from mine! You will tell me, that exertions are necessary: I am +weary of them! The face of things, public and private, vexes me. The +"peace" and clemency which seemed to be dawning a few days ago, disappear +again. "I am fallen," as Milton said, "on evil days;" for I really +believe that Europe will be in a state of convulsion, during half a +century at least. Life is but a labour of patience: it is always rolling +a great stone up a hill; for, before a person can find a resting-place, +imagining it is lodged, down it comes again, and all the work is to be +done over anew! + +Should I attempt to write any more, I could not change the strain. My +head aches, and my heart is heavy. The world appears an "unweeded +garden," where "things rank and vile" flourish best. + +If you do not return soon--or, which is no such mighty matter, talk of +it--I will throw your slippers out at window, and be off--nobody knows +where. + +* * * * + +Finding that I was observed, I told the good women, the two Mrs. ----s, +simply that I was with child: and let them stare! and ------, and ------, +nay, all the world, may know it for aught I care!--Yet I wish to avoid +------'s coarse jokes. + +Considering the care and anxiety a woman must have about a child before +it comes into the world, it seems to me, by a _natural right_, to belong +to her. When men get immersed in the world, they seem to lose all +sensations, excepting those necessary to continue or produce life!--Are +these the privileges of reason? Amongst the feathered race, whilst the +hen keeps the young warm, her mate stays by to cheer her; but it is +sufficient for man to condescend to get a child, in order to claim it.--A +man is a tyrant! + +You may now tell me, that, if it were not for me, you would be laughing +away with some honest fellows in L--n. The casual exercise of social +sympathy would not be sufficient for me--I should not think such an +heartless life worth preserving.--It is necessary to be in good-humour +with you, to be pleased with the world. + + * * * * * + +Thursday Morning. + +I WAS very low-spirited last night, ready to quarrel with your cheerful +temper, which makes absence easy to you.--And, why should I mince the the +matter? I was offended at your not even mentioning it.--I do not want to +be loved like a goddess; but I wish to be necessary to you. God bless +you[27-A]! + + * * * * * + +LETTER XI. + +Monday Night. + +I HAVE just received your kind and rational letter, and would fain hide +my face, glowing with shame for my folly.--I would hide it in your bosom, +if you would again open it to me, and nestle closely till you bade my +fluttering heart be still, by saying that you forgave me. With eyes +overflowing with tears, and in the humblest attitude, I intreat you.--Do +not turn from me, for indeed I love you fondly, and have been very +wretched, since the night I was so cruelly hurt by thinking that you had +no confidence in me---- + +It is time for me to grow more reasonable, a few more of these caprices +of sensibility would destroy me. I have, in fact, been very much +indisposed for a few days past, and the notion that I was tormenting, or +perhaps killing, a poor little animal, about whom I am grown anxious and +tender, now I feel it alive, made me worse. My bowels have been +dreadfully disordered, and every thing I ate or drank disagreed with my +stomach; still I feel intimations of its existence, though they have been +fainter. + +Do you think that the creature goes regularly to sleep? I am ready to ask +as many questions as Voltaire's Man of Forty Crowns. Ah! do not continue +to be angry with me! You perceive that I am already smiling through my +tears--You have lightened my heart, and my frozen spirits are melting +into playfulness. + +Write the moment you receive this. I shall count the minutes. But drop +not an angry word--I cannot now bear it. Yet, if you think I deserve a +scolding (it does not admit of a question, I grant), wait till you come +back--and then, if you are angry one day, I shall be sure of seeing you +the next. + +------ did not write to you, I suppose, because he talked of going to +H----. Hearing that I was ill, he called very kindly on me, not dreaming +that it was some words that he incautiously let fall, which rendered me +so. + +God bless you, my love; do not shut your heart against a return of +tenderness; and, as I now in fancy cling to you, be more than ever my +support.--Feel but as affectionate when you read this letter, as I did +writing it, and you will make happy, your + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XII. + +Wednesday Morning. + +I WILL never, if I am not entirely cured of quarrelling, begin to +encourage "quick-coming fancies," when we are separated. Yesterday, my +love, I could not open your letter for some time; and, though it was not +half as severe as I merited, it threw me into such a fit of trembling, as +seriously alarmed me. I did not, as you may suppose, care for a little +pain on my own account; but all the fears which I have had for a few days +past, returned with fresh force. This morning I am better; will you not +be glad to hear it? You perceive that sorrow has almost made a child of +me, and that I want to be soothed to peace. + +One thing you mistake in my character, and imagine that to be coldness +which is just the contrary. For, when I am hurt by the person most dear +to me, I must let out a whole torrent of emotions, in which tenderness +would be uppermost, or stifle them altogether; and it appears to me +almost a duty to stifle them, when I imagine _that I am treated with +coldness_. + +I am afraid that I have vexed you, my own ----. I know the quickness of +your feelings--and let me, in the sincerity of my heart, assure you, +there is nothing I would not suffer to make you happy. My own happiness +wholly depends on you--and, knowing you, when my reason is not clouded, I +look forward to a rational prospect of as much felicity as the earth +affords--with a little dash of rapture into the bargain, if you will look +at me, when we meet again, as you have sometimes greeted, your humbled, +yet most affectionate + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XIII. + +Thursday Night. + +I HAVE been wishing the time away, my kind love, unable to rest till I +knew that my penitential letter had reached your hand--and this +afternoon, when your tender epistle of Tuesday gave such exquisite +pleasure to your poor sick girl, her heart smote her to think that you +were still to receive another cold one.--Burn it also, my ----; yet do +not forget that even those letters were full of love; and I shall ever +recollect, that you did not wait to be mollified by my penitence, before +you took me again to your heart. + +I have been unwell, and would not, now I am recovering, take a journey, +because I have been seriously alarmed and angry with myself, dreading +continually the fatal consequence of my folly.--But, should you think it +right to remain at H--, I shall find some opportunity, in the course of a +fortnight, or less perhaps, to come to you, and before then I shall be +strong again.--Yet do not be uneasy! I am really better, and never took +such care of myself, as I have done since you restored my peace of mind. +The girl is come to warm my bed--so I will tenderly say, good night! and +write a line or two in the morning. + +Morning. + +I WISH you were here to walk with me this fine morning! yet your absence +shall not prevent me. I have stayed at home too much; though, when I was +so dreadfully out of spirits, I was careless of every thing. + +I will now sally forth (you will go with me in my heart) and try whether +this fine bracing air will not give the vigour to the poor babe, it had, +before I so inconsiderately gave way to the grief that deranged my +bowels, and gave a turn to my whole system. + +Yours truly + +* * * * * * * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XIV. + +Saturday Morning. + +THE two or three letters, which I have written to you lately, my love, +will serve as an answer to your explanatory one. I cannot but respect +your motives and conduct. I always respected them; and was only hurt, by +what seemed to me a want of confidence, and consequently affection.--I +thought also, that if you were obliged to stay three months at H--, I +might as well have been with you.--Well! well, what signifies what I +brooded over--Let us now be friends! + +I shall probably receive a letter from you to-day, sealing my pardon--and +I will be careful not to torment you with my querulous humours, at +least, till I see you again. Act as circumstances direct, and I will not +enquire when they will permit you to return, convinced that you will +hasten to your * * * *, when you have attained (or lost sight of) the +object of your journey. + +What a picture have you sketched of our fire-side! Yes, my love, my fancy +was instantly at work, and I found my head on your shoulder, whilst my +eyes were fixed on the little creatures that were clinging about your +knees. I did not absolutely determine that there should be six--if you +have not set your heart on this round number. + +I am going to dine with Mrs. ----. I have not been to visit her since the +first day she came to Paris. I wish indeed to be out in the air as much +as I can; for the exercise I have taken these two or three days past, +has been of such service to me, that I hope shortly to tell you, that I +am quite well. I have scarcely slept before last night, and then not +much.--The two Mrs. ------s have been very anxious and tender. + +Yours truly + +* * * * + +I need not desire you to give the colonel a good bottle of wine. + + * * * * * + +LETTER XV. + +Sunday Morning. + +I WROTE to you yesterday, my ----; but, finding that the colonel is still +detained (for his passport was forgotten at the office yesterday) I am +not willing to let so many days elapse without your hearing from me, +after having talked of illness and apprehensions. + +I cannot boast of being quite recovered, yet I am (I must use my +Yorkshire phrase; for, when my heart is warm, pop come the expressions of +childhood into my head) so _lightsome_, that I think it will not _go +badly with me_.--And nothing shall be wanting on my part, I assure you; +for I am urged on, not only by an enlivened affection for you, but by a +new-born tenderness that plays cheerly round my dilating heart. + +I was therefore, in defiance of cold and dirt, out in the air the greater +part of yesterday; and, if I get over this evening without a return of +the fever that has tormented me, I shall talk no more of illness. I have +promised the little creature, that its mother, who ought to cherish it, +will not again plague it, and begged it to pardon me; and, since I could +not hug either it or you to my breast, I have to my heart.--I am afraid +to read over this prattle--but it is only for your eye. + +I have been seriously vexed, to find that, whilst you were harrassed by +impediments in your undertakings, I was giving you additional +uneasiness.--If you can make any of your plans answer--it is well, I do +not think a _little_ money inconvenient; but, should they fail, we will +struggle cheerfully together--drawn closer by the pinching blasts of +poverty. + +Adieu, my love! Write often to your poor girl, and write long letters; +for I not only like them for being longer, but because more heart steals +into them; and I am happy to catch your heart whenever I can. + +Yours sincerely + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XVI. + +Tuesday Morning. + +I SEIZE this opportunity to inform you, that I am to set out on Thursday +with Mr. ------, and hope to tell you soon (on your lips) how glad I +shall be to see you. I have just got my passport, so I do not foresee any +impediment to my reaching H----, to bid you good-night next Friday in my +new apartment--where I am to meet you and love, in spite of care, to +smile me to sleep--for I have not caught much rest since we parted. + +You have, by your tenderness and worth, twisted yourself more artfully +round my heart, than I supposed possible.--Let me indulge the thought, +that I have thrown out some tendrils to cling to the elm by which I wish +to be supported.--This is talking a new language for me!--But, knowing +that I am not a parasite-plant, I am willing to receive the proofs of +affection, that every pulse replies to, when I think of being once more +in the same house with you.--God bless you! + +Yours truly + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XVII. + +Wednesday Morning. + +I ONLY send this as an _avant-coureur_, without jack-boots, to tell you, +that I am again on the wing, and hope to be with you a few hours after +you receive it. I shall find you well, and composed, I am sure; or, more +properly speaking, cheerful.--What is the reason that my spirits are not +as manageable as yours? Yet, now I think of it, I will not allow that +your temper is even, though I have promised myself, in order to obtain my +own forgiveness, that I will not ruffle it for a long, long time--I am +afraid to say never. + +Farewell for a moment!--Do not forget that I am driving towards you in +person! My mind, unfettered, has flown to you long since, or rather has +never left you. + +I am well, and have no apprehension that I shall find the journey too +fatiguing, when I follow the lead of my heart.--With my face turned to +H--my spirits will not sink--and my mind has always hitherto enabled my +body to do whatever I wished. + +Yours affectionately + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XVIII. + +H--, Thursday Morning, March 12. + +WE are such creatures of habit, my love, that, though I cannot say I was +sorry, childishly so, for your going, when I knew that you were to stay +such a short time, and I had a plan of employment; yet I could not +sleep.--I turned to your side of the bed, and tried to make the most of +the comfort of the pillow, which you used to tell me I was churlish +about; but all would not do.--I took nevertheless my walk before +breakfast, though the weather was not very inviting--and here I am, +wishing you a finer day, and seeing you peep over my shoulder, as I +write, with one of your kindest looks--when your eyes glisten, and a +suffusion creeps over your relaxing features. + +But I do not mean to dally with you this morning--So God bless you! Take +care of yourself--and sometimes fold to your heart your affectionate + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XIX. + +DO not call me stupid, for leaving on the table the little bit of paper I +was to inclose.--This comes of being in love at the fag-end of a letter +of business.--You know, you say, they will not chime together.--I had got +you by the fire-side, with the _gigot_ smoking on the board, to lard your +poor bare ribs--and behold, I closed my letter without taking the paper +up, that was directly under my eyes!--What had I got in them to render me +so blind?--I give you leave to answer the question, if you will not +scold; for I am + +Yours most affectionately + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XX. + +Sunday, August 17. + +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- + +I have promised ------ to go with him to his country-house, where he is +now permitted to dine--I, and the little darling, to be sure[47-A]--whom +I cannot help kissing with more fondness, since you left us. I think I +shall enjoy the fine prospect, and that it will rather enliven, than +satiate my imagination. + +I have called on Mrs. ------. She has the manners of a gentlewoman, with +a dash of the easy French coquetry, which renders her _piquante_.--But +_Monsieur_ her husband, whom nature never dreamed of casting in either +the mould of a gentleman or lover, makes but an aukward figure in the +foreground of the picture. + +The H----s are very ugly, without doubt--and the house smelt of commerce +from top to toe--so that his abortive attempt to display taste, only +proved it to be one of the things not to be bought with gold. I was in a +room a moment alone, and my attention was attracted by the _pendule_--A +nymph was offering up her vows before a smoking altar, to a fat-bottomed +Cupid (saving your presence), who was kicking his heels in the air.--Ah! +kick on, thought I; for the demon of traffic will ever fright away the +loves and graces, that streak with the rosy beams of infant fancy the +_sombre_ day of life--whilst the imagination, not allowing us to see +things as they are, enables us to catch a hasty draught of the running +stream of delight, the thirst for which seems to be given only to +tantalize us. + +But I am philosophizing; nay, perhaps you will call me severe, and bid me +let the square-headed money-getters alone.--Peace to them! though none of +the social sprites (and there are not a few of different descriptions, +who sport about the various inlets to my heart) gave me a twitch to +restrain my pen. + +I have been writing on, expecting poor ------ to come; for, when I began, +I merely thought of business; and, as this is the idea that most +naturally associates with your image, I wonder I stumbled on any other. + +Yet, as common life, in my opinion, is scarcely worth having, even with a +_gigot_ every day, and a pudding added thereunto, I will allow you to +cultivate my judgment, if you will permit me to keep alive the sentiments +in your heart, which may be termed romantic, because, the offspring of +the senses and the imagination, they resemble the mother more than the +father[50-A], when they produce the suffusion I admire.--In spite of icy +age, I hope still to see it, if you have not determined only to eat and +drink, and be stupidly useful to the stupid-- + +Yours + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XXI. + +H--, August 19, Tuesday. + +I RECEIVED both your letters to-day--I had reckoned on hearing from you +yesterday, therefore was disappointed, though I imputed your silence to +the right cause. I intended answering your kind letter immediately, that +you might have felt the pleasure it gave me; but ------ came in, and +some other things interrupted me; so that the fine vapour has +evaporated--yet, leaving a sweet scent behind, I have only to tell you, +what is sufficiently obvious, that the earnest desire I have shown to +keep my place, or gain more ground in your heart, is a sure proof how +necessary your affection is to my happiness.--Still I do not think it +false delicacy, or foolish pride, to wish that your attention to my +happiness should arise _as much_ from love, which is always rather a +selfish passion, as reason--that is, I want you to promote my felicity, +by seeking your own.--For, whatever pleasure it may give me to discover +your generosity of soul, I would not be dependent for your affection on +the very quality I most admire. No; there are qualities in your heart, +which demand my affection; but, unless the attachment appears to me +clearly mutual, I shall labour only to esteem your character, instead of +cherishing a tenderness for your person. + +I write in a hurry, because the little one, who has been sleeping a long +time, begins to call for me. Poor thing! when I am sad, I lament that all +my affections grow on me, till they become too strong for my peace, +though they all afford me snatches of exquisite enjoyment--This for our +little girl was at first very reasonable--more the effect of reason, a +sense of duty, than feeling--now, she has got into my heart and +imagination, and when I walk out without her, her little figure is ever +dancing before me. + +You too have somehow clung round my heart--I found I could not eat my +dinner in the great room--and, when I took up the large knife to carve +for myself, tears rushed into my eyes.--Do not however suppose that I am +melancholy--for, when you are from me, I not only wonder how I can find +fault with you--but how I can doubt your affection. + +I will not mix any comments on the inclosed (it roused my indignation) +with the effusion of tenderness, with which I assure you, that you are +the friend of my bosom, and the prop of my heart. + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XXII. + +H--, August 20. + +I WANT to know what steps you have taken respecting ----. Knavery always +rouses my indignation--I should be gratified to hear that the law had +chastised ------ severely; but I do not wish you to see him, because the +business does not now admit of peaceful discussion, and I do not exactly +know how you would express your contempt. + +Pray ask some questions about Tallien--I am still pleased with the +dignity of his conduct.--The other day, in the cause of humanity, he made +use of a degree of address, which I admire--and mean to point out to +you, as one of the few instances of address which do credit to the +abilities of the man, without taking away from that confidence in his +openness of heart, which is the true basis of both public and private +friendship. + +Do not suppose that I mean to allude to a little reserve of temper in +you, of which I have sometimes complained! You have been used to a +cunning woman, and you almost look for cunning--Nay, in _managing_ my +happiness, you now and then wounded my sensibility, concealing yourself, +till honest sympathy, giving you to me without disguise, lets me look +into a heart, which my half-broken one wishes to creep into, to be +revived and cherished.----You have frankness of heart, but not often +exactly that overflowing (_epanchement de coeur_), which becoming almost +childish, appears a weakness only to the weak. + +But I have left poor Tallien. I wanted you to enquire likewise whether, +as a member declared in the convention, Robespierre really maintained a +_number_ of mistresses.--Should it prove so, I suspect that they rather +flattered his vanity than his senses. + +Here is a chatting, desultory epistle! But do not suppose that I mean to +close it without mentioning the little damsel--who has been almost +springing out of my arm--she certainly looks very like you--but I do not +love her the less for that, whether I am angry or pleased with you.-- + +Yours affectionately + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XXIII[58-A]. + +September 22. + +I HAVE just written two letters, that are going by other conveyances, and +which I reckon on your receiving long before this. I therefore merely +write, because I know I should be disappointed at seeing any one who had +left you, if you did not send a letter, were it ever so short, to tell me +why you did not write a longer--and you will want to be told, over and +over again, that our little Hercules is quite recovered. + +Besides looking at me, there are three other things, which delight +her--to ride in a coach, to look at a scarlet waistcoat, and hear loud +music--yesterday, at the _fete_, she enjoyed the two latter; but, to +honour J. J. Rousseau, I intend to give her a sash, the first she has +ever had round her--and why not?--for I have always been half in love +with him. + +Well, this you will say is trifling--shall I talk about alum or soap? +There is nothing picturesque in your present pursuits; my imagination +then rather chuses to ramble back to the barrier with you, or to see you +coming to meet me, and my basket of grapes.--With what pleasure do I +recollect your looks and words, when I have been sitting on the window, +regarding the waving corn! + +Believe me, sage sir, you have not sufficient respect for the +imagination--I could prove to you in a trice that it is the mother of +sentiment, the great distinction of our nature, the only purifier of the +passions--animals have a portion of reason, and equal, if not more +exquisite, senses; but no trace of imagination, or her offspring taste, +appears in any of their actions. The impulse of the senses, passions, if +you will, and the conclusions of reason, draw men together; but the +imagination is the true fire, stolen from heaven, to animate this cold +creature of clay, producing all those fine sympathies that lead to +rapture, rendering men social by expanding their hearts, instead of +leaving them leisure to calculate how many comforts society affords. + +If you call these observations romantic, a phrase in this place which +would be tantamount to nonsensical, I shall be apt to retort, that you +are embruted by trade, and the vulgar enjoyments of life--Bring me then +back your barrier-face, or you shall have nothing to say to my +barrier-girl; and I shall fly from you, to cherish the remembrances that +will ever be dear to me; for I am yours truly + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XXIV. + +Evening, Sept. 23. + +I HAVE been playing and laughing with the little girl so long, that I +cannot take up my pen to address you without emotion. Pressing her to my +bosom, she looked so like you (_entre nous_, your best looks, for I do +not admire your commercial face) every nerve seemed to vibrate to the +touch, and I began to think that there was something in the assertion of +man and wife being one--for you seemed to pervade my whole frame, +quickening the beat of my heart, and lending me the sympathetic tears you +excited. + +Have I any thing more to say to you? No; not for the present--the rest is +all flown away; and, indulging tenderness for you, I cannot now complain +of some people here, who have ruffled my temper for two or three days +past. + + * * * * * + +Morning. + +YESTERDAY B---- sent to me for my packet of letters. He called on me +before; and I like him better than I did--that is, I have the same +opinion of his understanding, but I think with you, he has more +tenderness and real delicacy of feeling with respect to women, than are +commonly to be met with. His manner too of speaking of his little girl, +about the age of mine, interested me. I gave him a letter for my sister, +and requested him to see her. + +I have been interrupted. Mr. ----I suppose will write about business. +Public affairs I do not descant on, except to tell you that they write +now with great freedom and truth, and this liberty of the press will +overthrow the Jacobins, I plainly perceive. + +I hope you take care of your health. I have got a habit of restlessness +at night, which arises, I believe, from activity of mind; for, when I am +alone, that is, not near one to whom I can open my heart, I sink into +reveries and trains of thinking, which agitate and fatigue me. + +This is my third letter; when am I to hear from you? I need not tell you, +I suppose, that I am now writing with somebody in the room with me, and +---- is waiting to carry this to Mr. ----'s. I will then kiss the girl +for you, and bid you adieu. + +I desired you, in one of my other letters, to bring back to me your +barrier-face--or that you should not be loved by my barrier-girl. I know +that you will love her more and more, for she is a little affectionate, +intelligent creature, with as much vivacity, I should think, as you could +wish for. + +I was going to tell you of two or three things which displease me here; +but they are not of sufficient consequence to interrupt pleasing +sensations. I have received a letter from Mr. ----. I want you to bring +----with you. Madame S---- is by me, reading a German translation of your +letters--she desires me to give her love to you, on account of what you +say of the negroes. + +Yours most affectionately, + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XXV. + +Paris, Sept. 28. + +I HAVE written to you three or four letters; but different causes have +prevented my sending them by the persons who promised to take or forward +them. The inclosed is one I wrote to go by B----; yet, finding that he +will not arrive, before I hope, and believe, you will have set out on +your return, I inclose it to you, and shall give it in charge to ----, as +Mr. ---- is detained, to whom I also gave a letter. + +I cannot help being anxious to hear from you; but I shall not harrass you +with accounts of inquietudes, or of cares that arise from peculiar +circumstances.--I have had so many little plagues here, that I have +almost lamented that I left H----. ----, who is at best a most helpless +creature, is now, on account of her pregnancy, more trouble than use to +me, so that I still continue to be almost a slave to the child.--She +indeed rewards me, for she is a sweet little creature; for, setting aside +a mother's fondness (which, by the bye, is growing on me, her little +intelligent smiles sinking into my heart), she has an astonishing degree +of sensibility and observation. The other day by B----'s child, a fine +one, she looked like a little sprite.--She is all life and motion, and +her eyes are not the eyes of a fool--I will swear. + +I slept at St. Germain's, in the very room (if you have not forgot) in +which you pressed me very tenderly to your heart.--I did not forget to +fold my darling to mine, with sensations that are almost too sacred to +be alluded to. + +Adieu, my love! Take care of yourself, if you wish to be the protector of +your child, and the comfort of her mother. + +I have received, for you, letters from --------. I want to hear how that +affair finishes, though I do not know whether I have most contempt for +his folly or knavery. + +Your own + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XXVI. + +October 1. + +IT is a heartless task to write letters, without knowing whether they +will ever reach you.--I have given two to ----, who has been a-going, +a-going, every day, for a week past; and three others, which were written +in a low-spirited strain, a little querulous or so, I have not been able +to forward by the opportunities that were mentioned to me. _Tant mieux!_ +you will say, and I will not say nay; for I should be sorry that the +contents of a letter, when you are so far away, should damp the pleasure +that the sight of it would afford--judging of your feelings by my own. I +just now stumbled on one of the kind letters, which you wrote during your +last absence. You are then a dear affectionate creature, and I will not +plague you. The letter which you chance to receive, when the absence is +so long, ought to bring only tears of tenderness, without any bitter +alloy, into your eyes. + +After your return I hope indeed, that you will not be so immersed in +business, as during the last three or four months past--for even money, +taking into the account all the future comforts it is to procure, may be +gained at too dear a rate, if painful impressions are left on the +mind.--These impressions were much more lively, soon after you went away, +than at present--for a thousand tender recollections efface the +melancholy traces they left on my mind--and every emotion is on the same +side as my reason, which always was on yours.--Separated, it would be +almost impious to dwell on real or imaginary imperfections of +character.--I feel that I love you; and, if I cannot be happy with you, I +will seek it no where else. + +My little darling grows every day more dear to me--and she often has a +kiss, when we are alone together, which I give her for you, with all my +heart. + +I have been interrupted--and must send off my letter. The liberty of the +press will produce a great effect here--the _cry of blood will not be +vain_!--Some more monsters will perish--and the Jacobins are +conquered.--Yet I almost fear the last slap of the tail of the beast. + +I have had several trifling teazing inconveniencies here, which I shall +not now trouble you with a detail of.--I am sending ---- back; her +pregnancy rendered her useless. The girl I have got has more vivacity, +which is better for the child. + +I long to hear from you.--Bring a copy of ---- and ---- with you. + +---- is still here: he is a lost man.--He really loves his wife, and is +anxious about his children; but his indiscriminate hospitality and social +feelings have given him an inveterate habit of drinking, that destroys +his health, as well as renders his person disgusting.--If his wife had +more sense, or delicacy, she might restrain him: as it is, nothing will +save him. + +Yours most truly and affectionately + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XXVII. + +October 26. + +MY dear love, I began to wish so earnestly to hear from you, that the +sight of your letters occasioned such pleasurable emotions, I was obliged +to throw them aside till the little girl and I were alone together; and +this said little girl, our darling, is become a most intelligent little +creature, and as gay as a lark, and that in the morning too, which I do +not find quite so convenient. I once told you, that the sensations before +she was born, and when she is sucking, were pleasant; but they do not +deserve to be compared to the emotions I feel, when she stops to smile +upon me, or laughs outright on meeting me unexpectedly in the street, or +after a short absence. She has now the advantage of having two good +nurses, and I am at present able to discharge my duty to her, without +being the slave of it. + +I have therefore employed and amused myself since I got rid of ----, and +am making a progress in the language amongst other things. I have also +made some new acquaintance. I have almost _charmed_ a judge of the +tribunal, R----, who, though I should not have thought it possible, has +humanity, if not _beaucoup d'esprit_. But let me tell you, if you do not +make haste back, I shall be half in love with the author of the +_Marseillaise_, who is a handsome man, a little too broad-faced or so, +and plays sweetly on the violin. + +What do you say to this threat?--why, _entre nous_, I like to give way to +a sprightly vein, when writing to you, that is, when I am pleased with +you. "The devil," you know, is proverbially said to be "in a good humour, +when he is pleased." Will you not then be a good boy, and come back +quickly to play with your girls? but I shall not allow you to love the +new-comer best. + +-- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- + +My heart longs for your return, my love, and only looks for, and seeks +happiness with you; yet do not imagine that I childishly wish you to come +back, before you have arranged things in such a manner, that it will not +be necessary for you to leave us soon again; or to make exertions which +injure your constitution. + +Yours most truly and tenderly + +* * * * + +P.S. "You would oblige me by delivering the inclosed to Mr. ----, and +pray call for an answer.--It is for a person uncomfortably situated. + + * * * * * + +LETTER XXVIII. + +Dec. 26. + +I HAVE been, my love, for some days tormented by fears, that I would not +allow to assume a form--I had been expecting you daily--and I heard that +many vessels had been driven on shore during the late gale.--Well, I now +see your letter--and find that you are safe; I will not regret then that +your exertions have hitherto been so unavailing. + +-- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- + +Be that as it may, return to me when you have arranged the other matters, +which ---- has been crowding on you. I want to be sure that you are +safe--and not separated from me by a sea that must be passed. For, +feeling that I am happier than I ever was, do you wonder at my sometimes +dreading that fate has not done persecuting me? Come to me, my dearest +friend, husband, father of my child!--All these fond ties glow at my +heart at this moment, and dim my eyes.--With you an independence is +desirable; and it is always within our reach, if affluence escapes +us--without you the world again appears empty to me. But I am recurring +to some of the melancholy thoughts that have flitted across my mind for +some days past, and haunted my dreams. + +My little darling is indeed a sweet child; and I am sorry that you are +not here, to see her little mind unfold itself. You talk of "dalliance;" +but certainly no lover was ever more attached to his mistress, than she +is to me. Her eyes follow me every where, and by affection I have the +most despotic power over her. She is all vivacity or softness--yes; I +love her more than I thought I should. When I have been hurt at your +stay, I have embraced her as my only comfort--when pleased with you, for +looking and laughing like you; nay, I cannot, I find, long be angry with +you, whilst I am kissing her for resembling you. But there would be no +end to these details. Fold us both to your heart; for I am truly and +affectionately + +Yours + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XXIX. + +December 28. + +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- + +I do, my love, indeed sincerely sympathize with you in all your +disappointments.--Yet, knowing that you are well, and think of me with +affection, I only lament other disappointments, because I am sorry that +you should thus exert yourself in vain, and that you are kept from me. + +------, I know, urges you to stay, and is continually branching out into +new projects, because he has the idle desire to amass a large fortune, +rather an immense one, merely to have the credit of having made it. But +we who are governed by other motives, ought not to be led on by him. When +we meet, we will discuss this subject--You will listen to reason, and it +has probably occurred to you, that it will be better, in future, to +pursue some sober plan, which may demand more time, and still enable you +to arrive at the same end. It appears to me absurd to waste life in +preparing to live. + +Would it not now be possible to arrange your business in such a manner +as to avoid the inquietudes, of which I have had my share since your +departure? Is it not possible to enter into business, as an employment +necessary to keep the faculties awake, and (to sink a little in the +expressions) the pot boiling, without suffering what must ever be +considered as a secondary object, to engross the mind, and drive +sentiment and affection out of the heart? + +I am in a hurry to give this letter to the person who has promised to +forward it with ------'s. I wish then to counteract, in some measure, +what he has doubtless recommended most warmly. + +Stay, my friend, whilst it is _absolutely_ necessary.--I will give you no +tenderer name, though it glows at my heart, unless you come the moment +the settling the _present_ objects permit.--_I do not consent_ to your +taking any other journey--or the little woman and I will be off, the Lord +knows where. But, as I had rather owe every thing to your affection, and, +I may add, to your reason, (for this immoderate desire of wealth, which +makes ------ so eager to have you remain, is contrary to your principles +of action), I will not importune you.--I will only tell you, that I long +to see you--and, being at peace with you, I shall be hurt, rather than +made angry, by delays.--Having suffered so much in life, do not be +surprised if I sometimes, when left to myself, grow gloomy, and suppose +that it was all a dream, and that my happiness is not to last. I say +happiness, because remembrance retrenches all the dark shades of the +picture. + +My little one begins to show her teeth, and use her legs--She wants you +to bear your part in the nursing business, for I am fatigued with dancing +her, and yet she is not satisfied--she wants you to thank her mother for +taking such care of her, as you only can. + +Yours truly + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XXX. + +December 29. + +THOUGH I suppose you have later intelligence, yet, as ------ has just +informed me that he has an opportunity of sending immediately to you, I +take advantage of it to inclose you +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- + +How I hate this crooked business! This intercourse with the world, which +obliges one to see the worst side of human nature! Why cannot you be +content with the object you had first in view, when you entered into this +wearisome labyrinth?--I know very well that you have imperceptibly been +drawn on; yet why does one project, successful or abortive, only give +place to two others? Is it not sufficient to avoid poverty?--I am +contented to do my part; and, even here, sufficient to escape from +wretchedness is not difficult to obtain. And, let me tell you, I have my +project also--and, if you do not soon return, the little girl and I will +take care of ourselves; we will not accept any of your cold +kindness--your distant civilities--no; not we. + +This is but half jesting, for I am really tormented by the desire which +------ manifests to have you remain where you are.--Yet why do I talk to +you?--If he can persuade you--let him!--for, if you are not happier with +me, and your own wishes do not make you throw aside these eternal +projects, I am above using any arguments, though reason as well as +affection seems to offer them--if our affection be mutual, they will +occur to you--and you will act accordingly. + +Since my arrival here, I have found the German lady, of whom you have +heard me speak. Her first child died in the month; but she has another, +about the age of my ------, a fine little creature. They are still but +contriving to live----earning their daily bread--yet, though they are +but just above poverty, I envy them.--She is a tender, affectionate +mother--fatigued even by her attention.--However she has an affectionate +husband in her turn, to render her care light, and to share her pleasure. + +I will own to you that, feeling extreme tenderness for my little girl, I +grow sad very often when I am playing with her, that you are not here, to +observe with me how her mind unfolds, and her little heart becomes +attached!--These appear to me to be true pleasures--and still you suffer +them to escape you, in search of what we may never enjoy.--It is your own +maxim to "live in the present moment."--_If you do_--stay, for God's +sake; but tell me the truth--if not, tell me when I may expect to see +you, and let me not be always vainly looking for you, till I grow sick at +heart. + +Adieu! I am a little hurt.--I must take my darling to my bosom to comfort +me. + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XXXI. + +December 30. + +SHOULD you receive three or four of the letters at once which I have +written lately, do not think of Sir John Brute, for I do not mean to wife +you. I only take advantage of every occasion, that one out of three of my +epistles may reach your hands, and inform you that I am not of ------'s +opinion, who talks till he makes me angry, of the necessity of your +staying two or three months longer. I do not like this life of continual +inquietude--and, _entre nous_, I am determined to try to earn some money +here myself, in order to convince you that, if you chuse to run about the +world to get a fortune, it is for yourself--for the little girl and I +will live without your assistance, unless you are with us. I may be +termed proud--Be it so--but I will never abandon certain principles of +action. + +The common run of men have such an ignoble way of thinking, that, if they +debauch their hearts, and prostitute their persons, following perhaps a +gust of inebriation, they suppose the wife, slave rather, whom they +maintain, has no right to complain, and ought to receive the sultan, +whenever he deigns to return, with open arms, though his have been +polluted by half an hundred promiscuous amours during his absence. + +I consider fidelity and constancy as two distinct things; yet the former +is necessary, to give life to the other--and such a degree of respect do +I think due to myself, that, if only probity, which is a good thing in +its place, brings you back, never return!--for, if a wandering of the +heart, or even a caprice of the imagination detains you--there is an end +of all my hopes of happiness--I could not forgive it, if I would. + +I have gotten into a melancholy mood, you perceive. You know my opinion +of men in general; you know that I think them systematic tyrants, and +that it is the rarest thing in the world, to meet with a man with +sufficient delicacy of feeling to govern desire. When I am thus sad, I +lament that my little darling, fondly as I doat on her, is a girl.--I am +sorry to have a tie to a world that for me is ever sown with thorns. + +You will call this an ill-humoured letter, when, in fact, it is the +strongest proof of affection I can give, to dread to lose you. ------ has +taken such pains to convince me that you must and ought to stay, that it +has inconceivably depressed my spirits--You have always known my +opinion--I have ever declared, that two people, who mean to live +together, ought not to be long separated.--If certain things are more +necessary to you than me--search for them--Say but one word, and you +shall never hear of me more.--If not--for God's sake, let us struggle +with poverty--with any evil, but these continual inquietudes of business, +which I have been told were to last but a few months, though every day +the end appears more distant! This is the first letter in this strain +that I have determined to forward to you; the rest lie by, because I was +unwilling to give you pain, and I should not now write, if I did not +think that there would be no conclusion to the schemes, which demand, as +I am told, your presence. + +* * * *[91-A] + + * * * * * + +LETTER XXXII. + +January 9. + +I JUST now received one of your hasty _notes_; for business so entirely +occupies you, that you have not time, or sufficient command of thought, +to write letters. Beware! you seem to be got into a whirl of projects and +schemes, which are drawing you into a gulph, that, if it do not absorb +your happiness, will infallibly destroy mine. + +Fatigued during my youth by the most arduous struggles, not only to +obtain independence, but to render myself useful, not merely pleasure, +for which I had the most lively taste, I mean the simple pleasures that +flow from passion and affection, escaped me, but the most melancholy +views of life were impressed by a disappointed heart on my mind. Since I +knew you, I have been endeavouring to go back to my former nature, and +have allowed some time to glide away, winged with the delight which only +spontaneous enjoyment can give.--Why have you so soon dissolved the +charm? + +I am really unable to bear the continual inquietude which your and +------'s never-ending plans produce. This you may term want of +firmness--but you are mistaken--I have still sufficient firmness to +pursue my principle of action. The present misery, I cannot find a softer +word to do justice to my feelings, appears to me unnecessary--and +therefore I have not firmness to support it as you may think I ought. I +should have been content, and still wish, to retire with you to a +farm--My God! any thing, but these continual anxieties--any thing but +commerce, which debases the mind, and roots out affection from the heart. + +I do not mean to complain of subordinate inconveniences----yet I will +simply observe, that, led to expect you every week, I did not make the +arrangements required by the present circumstances, to procure the +necessaries of life. In order to have them, a servant, for that purpose +only, is indispensible--The want of wood, has made me catch the most +violent cold I ever had; and my head is so disturbed by continual +coughing, that I am unable to write without stopping frequently to +recollect myself.--This however is one of the common evils which must be +borne with----bodily pain does not touch the heart, though it fatigues +the spirits. + +Still as you talk of your return, even in February, doubtingly, I have +determined, the moment the weather changes, to wean my child.--It is too +soon for her to begin to divide sorrow!--And as one has well said, +"despair is a freeman," we will go and seek our fortune together. + +This is not a caprice of the moment--for your absence has given new +weight to some conclusions, that I was very reluctantly forming before +you left me.--I do not chuse to be a secondary object.--If your feelings +were in unison with mine, you would not sacrifice so much to visionary +prospects of future advantage. + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XXXIII. + +Jan. 15. + +I WAS just going to begin my letter with the fag end of a song, which +would only have told you, what I may as well say simply, that it is +pleasant to forgive those we love. I have received your two letters, +dated the 26th and 28th of December, and my anger died away. You can +scarcely conceive the effect some of your letters have produced on me. +After longing to hear from you during a tedious interval of suspense, I +have seen a superscription written by you.--Promising myself pleasure, +and feeling emotion, I have laid it by me, till the person who brought +it, left the room--when, behold! on opening it, I have found only half a +dozen hasty lines, that have damped all the rising affection of my soul. + +Well, now for business-- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- + +My animal is well; I have not yet taught her to eat, but nature is doing +the business. I gave her a crust to assist the cutting of her teeth; and +now she has two, she makes good use of them to gnaw a crust, biscuit, &c. +You would laugh to see her; she is just like a little squirrel; she will +guard a crust for two hours; and, after fixing her eye on an object for +some time, dart on it with an aim as sure as a bird of prey--nothing can +equal her life and spirits. I suffer from a cold; but it does not affect +her. Adieu! do not forget to love us--and come soon to tell us that you +do. + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XXXIV. + +Jan. 30. + +FROM the purport of your last letters, I would suppose that this will +scarcely reach you; and I have already written so many letters, that you +have either not received, or neglected to acknowledge, I do not find it +pleasant, or rather I have no inclination, to go over the same ground +again. If you have received them, and are still detained by new projects, +it is useless for me to say any more on the subject. I have done with it +for ever--yet I ought to remind you that your pecuniary interest suffers +by your absence. + +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- + +For my part, my head is turned giddy, by only hearing of plans to make +money, and my contemptuous feelings have sometimes burst out. I therefore +was glad that a violent cold gave me a pretext to stay at home, lest I +should have uttered unseasonable truths. + +My child is well, and the spring will perhaps restore me to myself.--I +have endured many inconveniences this winter, which should I be ashamed +to mention, if they had been unavoidable. "The secondary pleasures of +life," you say, "are very necessary to my comfort:" it may be so; but I +have ever considered them as secondary. If therefore you accuse me of +wanting the resolution necessary to bear the _common_[100-A] evils of +life; I should answer, that I have not fashioned my mind to sustain them, +because I would avoid them, cost what it would---- + +Adieu! + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XXXV. + +February 9. + +THE melancholy presentiment has for some time hung on my spirits, that we +were parted for ever; and the letters I received this day, by Mr. ----, +convince me that it was not without foundation. You allude to some other +letters, which I suppose have miscarried; for most of those I have got, +were only a few hasty lines, calculated to wound the tenderness the sight +of the superscriptions excited. + +I mean not however to complain; yet so many feelings are struggling for +utterance, and agitating a heart almost bursting with anguish, that I +find it very difficult to write with any degree of coherence. + +You left me indisposed, though you have taken no notice of it; and the +most fatiguing journey I ever had, contributed to continue it. However, I +recovered my health; but a neglected cold, and continual inquietude +during the last two months, have reduced me to a state of weakness I +never before experienced. Those who did not know that the canker-worm was +at work at the core, cautioned me about suckling my child too long.--God +preserve this poor child, and render her happier than her mother! + +But I am wandering from my subject: indeed my head turns giddy, when I +think that all the confidence I have had in the affection of others is +come to this. + +I did not expect this blow from you. I have done my duty to you and my +child; and if I am not to have any return of affection to reward me, I +have the sad consolation of knowing that I deserved a better fate. My +soul is weary--I am sick at heart; and, but for this little darling, I +would cease to care about a life, which is now stripped of every charm. + +You see how stupid I am, uttering declamation, when I meant simply to +tell you, that I consider your requesting me to come to you, as merely +dictated by honour.--Indeed, I scarcely understand you.--You request me +to come, and then tell me, that you have not given up all thoughts of +returning to this place. + +When I determined to live with you, I was only governed by affection.--I +would share poverty with you, but I turn with affright from the sea of +trouble on which you are entering.--I have certain principles of action: +I know what I look for to found my happiness on.--It is not money.--With +you I wished for sufficient to procure the comforts of life--as it is, +less will do.--I can still exert myself to obtain the necessaries of life +for my child, and she does not want more at present.--I have two or three +plans in my head to earn our subsistence; for do not suppose that, +neglected by you, I will lie under obligations of a pecuniary kind to +you!--No; I would sooner submit to menial service.--I wanted the support +of your affection--that gone, all is over!--I did not think, when I +complained of ----'s contemptible avidity to accumulate money, that he +would have dragged you into his schemes. + +I cannot write.--I inclose a fragment of a letter, written soon after +your departure, and another which tenderness made me keep back when it +was written.--You will see then the sentiments of a calmer, though not a +more determined, moment.--Do not insult me by saying, that "our being +together is paramount to every other consideration!" Were it, you would +not be running after a bubble, at the expence of my peace of mind. + +Perhaps this is the last letter you will ever receive from me. + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XXXVI. + +Feb. 10. + +YOU talk of "permanent views and future comfort"--not for me, for I am +dead to hope. The inquietudes of the last winter have finished the +business, and my heart is not only broken, but my constitution destroyed. +I conceive myself in a galloping consumption, and the continual anxiety I +feel at the thought of leaving my child, feeds the fever that nightly +devours me. It is on her account that I again write to you, to conjure +you, by all that you hold sacred, to leave her here with the German lady +you may have heard me mention! She has a child of the same age, and they +may be brought up together, as I wish her to be brought up. I shall +write more fully on the subject. To facilitate this, I shall give up my +present lodgings, and go into the same house. I can live much cheaper +there, which is now become an object. I have had 3000 livres from ----, +and I shall take one more, to pay my servant's wages, &c. and then I +shall endeavour to procure what I want by my own exertions. I shall +entirely give up the acquaintance of the Americans. + +---- and I have not been on good terms a long time. Yesterday he very +unmanlily exulted over me, on account of your determination to stay. I +had provoked it, it is true, by some asperities against commerce, which +have dropped from me, when we have argued about the propriety of your +remaining where you are; and it is no matter, I have drunk too deep of +the bitter cup to care about trifles. + +When you first entered into these plans, you bounded your views to the +gaining of a thousand pounds. It was sufficient to have procured a farm +in America, which would have been an independence. You find now that you +did not know yourself, and that a certain situation in life is more +necessary to you than you imagined--more necessary than an uncorrupted +heart--For a year or two, you may procure yourself what you call +pleasure; eating, drinking, and women; but, in the solitude of declining +life, I shall be remembered with regret--I was going to say with remorse, +but checked my pen. + +As I have never concealed the nature of my connection with you, your +reputation will not suffer. I shall never have a confident: I am content +with the approbation of my own mind; and, if there be a searcher of +hearts, mine will not be despised. Reading what you have written relative +to the desertion of women, I have often wondered how theory and practice +could be so different, till I recollected, that the sentiments of +passion, and the resolves of reason, are very distinct. As to my sisters, +as you are so continually hurried with business, you need not write to +them--I shall, when my mind is calmer. God bless you! Adieu! + +* * * * + +This has been such a period of barbarity and misery, I ought not to +complain of having my share. I wish one moment that I had never heard of +the cruelties that have been practised here, and the next envy the +mothers who have been killed with their children. Surely I had suffered +enough in life, not to be cursed with a fondness, that burns up the vital +stream I am imparting. You will think me mad: I would I were so, that I +could forget my misery--so that my head or heart would be still.---- + + * * * * * + +LETTER XXXVII. + +Feb. 19. + +WHEN I first received your letter, putting off your return to an +indefinite time, I felt so hurt, that I know not what I wrote. I am now +calmer, though it was not the kind of wound over which time has the +quickest effect; on the contrary, the more I think, the sadder I grow. +Society fatigues me inexpressibly--So much so, that finding fault with +every one, I have only reason enough, to discover that the fault is in +myself. My child alone interests me, and, but for her, I should not take +any pains to recover my health. + +As it is, I shall wean her, and try if by that step (to which I feel a +repugnance, for it is my only solace) I can get rid of my cough. +Physicians talk much of the danger attending any complaint on the lungs, +after a woman has suckled for some months. They lay a stress also on the +necessity of keeping the mind tranquil--and, my God! how has mine been +harrassed! But whilst the caprices of other women are gratified, "the +wind of heaven not suffered to visit them too rudely," I have not found +a guardian angel, in heaven or on earth, to ward off sorrow or care from +my bosom. + +What sacrifices have you not made for a woman you did not respect!--But I +will not go over this ground--I want to tell you that I do not understand +you. You say that you have not given up all thoughts of returning +here--and I know that it will be necessary--nay, is. I cannot explain +myself; but if you have not lost your memory, you will easily divine my +meaning. What! is our life then only to be made up of separations? and am +I only to return to a country, that has not merely lost all charms for +me, but for which I feel a repugnance that almost amounts to horror, only +to be left there a prey to it! + +Why is it so necessary that I should return?--brought up here, my girl +would be freer. Indeed, expecting you to join us, I had formed some plans +of usefulness that have now vanished with my hopes of happiness. + +In the bitterness of my heart, I could complain with reason, that I am +left here dependent on a man, whose avidity to acquire a fortune has +rendered him callous to every sentiment connected with social or +affectionate emotions.--With a brutal insensibility, he cannot help +displaying the pleasure your determination to stay gives him, in spite of +the effect it is visible it has had on me. + +Till I can earn money, I shall endeavour to borrow some, for I want to +avoid asking him continually for the sum necessary to maintain me.--Do +not mistake me, I have never been refused.--Yet I have gone half a dozen +times to the house to ask for it, and come away without speaking----you +must guess why--Besides, I wish to avoid hearing of the eternal projects +to which you have sacrificed my peace--not remembering--but I will be +silent for ever.---- + + * * * * * + +LETTER XXXVIII. + +April 7. + +HERE I am at H----, on the wing towards you, and I write now, only to +tell you, that you may expect me in the course of three or four days; +for I shall not attempt to give vent to the different emotions which +agitate my heart--You may term a feeling, which appears to me to be a +degree of delicacy that naturally arises from sensibility, pride--Still I +cannot indulge the very affectionate tenderness which glows in my bosom, +without trembling, till I see, by your eyes, that it is mutual. + +I sit, lost in thought, looking at the sea--and tears rush into my eyes, +when I find that I am cherishing any fond expectations.--I have indeed +been so unhappy this winter, I find it as difficult to acquire fresh +hopes, as to regain tranquillity.--Enough of this--lie still, foolish +heart!--But for the little girl, I could almost wish that it should cease +to beat, to be no more alive to the anguish of disappointment. + +Sweet little creature! I deprived myself of my only pleasure, when I +weaned her, about ten days ago.--I am however glad I conquered my +repugnance.--It was necessary it should be done soon, and I did not wish +to embitter the renewal of your acquaintance with her, by putting it off +till we met.--It was a painful exertion to me, and I thought it best to +throw this inquietude with the rest, into the sack that I would fain +throw over my shoulder.--I wished to endure it alone, in short--Yet, +after sending her to sleep in the next room for three or four nights, you +cannot think with what joy I took her back again to sleep in my bosom! + +I suppose I shall find you, when I arrive, for I do not see any necessity +for your coming to me.--Pray inform Mr. ------, that I have his little +friend with me.--My wishing to oblige him, made me put myself to some +inconvenience----and delay my departure; which was irksome to me, who +have not quite as much philosophy, I would not for the world say +indifference, as you. God bless you! + +Yours truly, + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XXXIX. + +Brighthelmstone, Saturday, April 11. + +HERE we are, my love, and mean to set out early in the morning; and, if I +can find you, I hope to dine with you to-morrow.--I shall drive to +------'s hotel, where ------ tells me you have been--and, if you have +left it, I hope you will take care to be there to receive us. + +I have brought with me Mr. ----'s little friend, and a girl whom I like +to take care of our little darling--not on the way, for that fell to my +share.--But why do I write about trifles?--or any thing?--Are we not to +meet soon?--What does your heart say! + +Yours truly + +* * * * + +I have weaned my ------, and she is now eating away at the white bread. + + * * * * * + +LETTER XL. + +London, Friday, May 22. + +I HAVE just received your affectionate letter, and am distressed to think +that I have added to your embarrassments at this troublesome juncture, +when the exertion of all the faculties of your mind appears to be +necessary, to extricate you out of your pecuniary difficulties. I suppose +it was something relative to the circumstance you have mentioned, which +made ------ request to see me to-day, to _converse about a matter of +great importance_. Be that as it may, his letter (such is the state of my +spirits) inconceivably alarmed me, and rendered the last night as +distressing, as the two former had been. + +I have laboured to calm my mind since you left me--Still I find that +tranquillity is not to be obtained by exertion; it is a feeling so +different from the resignation of despair!--I am however no longer angry +with you--nor will I ever utter another complaint--there are arguments +which convince the reason, whilst they carry death to the heart.--We have +had too many cruel explanations, that not only cloud every future +prospect; but embitter the remembrances which alone give life to +affection.--Let the subject never be revived! + +It seems to me that I have not only lost the hope, but the power of being +happy.--Every emotion is now sharpened by anguish.--My soul has been +shook, and my tone of feelings destroyed.--I have gone out--and sought +for dissipation, if not amusement, merely to fatigue still more, I find, +my irritable nerves---- + +My friend--my dear friend--examine yourself well--I am out of the +question; for, alas! I am nothing--and discover what you wish to do--what +will render you most comfortable--or, to be more explicit--whether you +desire to live with me, or part for ever? When you can once ascertain it, +tell me frankly, I conjure you!--for, believe me, I have very +involuntarily interrupted your peace. + +I shall expect you to dinner on Monday, and will endeavour to assume a +cheerful face to greet you--at any rate I will avoid conversations, +which only tend to harrass your feelings, because I am most +affectionately yours, + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XLI. + +Wednesday. + +I INCLOSE you the letter, which you desired me to forward, and I am +tempted very laconically to wish you a good morning--not because I am +angry, or have nothing to say; but to keep down a wounded spirit.--I +shall make every effort to calm my mind--yet a strong conviction seems to +whirl round in the very centre of my brain, which, like the fiat of +fate, emphatically assures me, that grief has a firm hold of my heart. + +God bless you! + +Yours sincerely + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XLII. + +--, Wednesday, Two o'Clock. + +WE arrived here about an hour ago. I am extremely fatigued with the +child, who would not rest quiet with any body but me, during the +night--and now we are here in a comfortless, damp room, in a sort of a +tomb-like house. This however I shall quickly remedy, for, when I have +finished this letter, (which I must do immediately, because the post goes +out early), I shall sally forth, and enquire about a vessel and an inn. + +I will not distress you by talking of the depression of my spirits, or +the struggle I had to keep alive my dying heart.--It is even now too full +to allow me to write with composure.--*****,--dear *****, --am I always +to be tossed about thus?--shall I never find an asylum to rest +_contented_ in? How can you love to fly about continually--dropping down, +as it were, in a new world--cold and strange!--every other day? Why do +you not attach those tender emotions round the idea of home, which even +now dim my eyes?--This alone is affection--every thing else is only +humanity, electrified by sympathy. + +I will write to you again to-morrow, when I know how long I am to be +detained--and hope to get a letter quickly from you, to cheer yours +sincerely and affectionately + +* * * * + +------ is playing near me in high spirits. She was so pleased with the +noise of the mail-horn, she has been continually imitating it.----Adieu! + + * * * * * + +LETTER XLIII. + +Thursday. + +A LADY has just sent to offer to take me to ------. I have then only a +moment to exclaim against the vague manner in which people give +information -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- + +But why talk of inconveniences, which are in fact trifling, when compared +with the sinking of the heart I have felt! I did not intend to touch this +painful string--God bless you! + +Yours truly, + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XLIV. + +Friday, June 12. + +I HAVE just received yours dated the 9th, which I suppose was a mistake, +for it could scarcely have loitered so long on the road. The general +observations which apply to the state of your own mind, appear to me +just, as far as they go; and I shall always consider it as one of the +most serious misfortunes of my life, that I did not meet you, before +satiety had rendered your senses so fastidious, as almost to close up +every tender avenue of sentiment and affection that leads to your +sympathetic heart. You have a heart, my friend, yet, hurried away by the +impetuosity of inferior feelings, you have sought in vulgar excesses, +for that gratification which only the heart can bestow. + +The common run of men, I know, with strong health and gross appetites, +must have variety to banish _ennui_, because the imagination never lends +its magic wand, to convert appetite into love, cemented by according +reason.--Ah! my friend, you know not the ineffable delight, the exquisite +pleasure, which arises from a unison of affection and desire, when the +whole soul and senses are abandoned to a lively imagination, that renders +every emotion delicate and rapturous. Yes; these are emotions, over which +satiety has no power, and the recollection of which, even disappointment +cannot disenchant; but they do not exist without self-denial. These +emotions, more or less strong, appear to me to be the distinctive +characteristic of genius, the foundation of taste, and of that exquisite +relish for the beauties of nature, of which the common herd of eaters and +drinkers and _child-begeters_, certainly have no idea. You will smile at +an observation that has just occurred to me:--I consider those minds as +the most strong and original, whose imagination acts as the stimulus to +their senses. + +Well! you will ask, what is the result of all this reasoning? Why I +cannot help thinking that it is possible for you, having great strength +of mind, to return to nature, and regain a sanity of constitution, and +purity of feeling--which would open your heart to me.--I would fain rest +there! + +Yet, convinced more than ever of the sincerity and tenderness of my +attachment to you, the involuntary hopes, which a determination to live +has revived, are not sufficiently strong to dissipate the cloud, that +despair has spread over futurity. I have looked at the sea, and at my +child, hardly daring to own to myself the secret wish, that it might +become our tomb; and that the heart, still so alive to anguish, might +there be quieted by death. At this moment ten thousand complicated +sentiments press for utterance, weigh on my heart, and obscure my sight. + +Are we ever to meet again? and will you endeavour to render that meeting +happier than the last? Will you endeavour to restrain your caprices, in +order to give vigour to affection, and to give play to the checked +sentiments that nature intended should expand your heart? I cannot +indeed, without agony, think of your bosom's being continually +contaminated; and bitter are the tears which exhaust my eyes, when I +recollect why my child and I are forced to stray from the asylum, in +which, after so many storms, I had hoped to rest, smiling at angry +fate.--These are not common sorrows; nor can you perhaps conceive, how +much active fortitude it requires to labour perpetually to blunt the +shafts of disappointment. + +Examine now yourself, and ascertain whether you can live in +something-like a settled stile. Let our confidence in future be +unbounded; consider whether you find it necessary to sacrifice me to what +you term "the zest of life;" and, when you have once a clear view of your +own motives, of your own incentive to action, do not deceive me! + +The train of thoughts which the writing of this epistle awoke, makes me +so wretched, that I must take a walk, to rouse and calm my mind. But +first, let me tell you, that, if you really wish to promote my happiness, +you will endeavour to give me as much as you can of yourself. You have +great mental energy; and your judgment seems to me so just, that it is +only the dupe of your inclination in discussing one subject. + +The post does not go out to-day. To-morrow I may write more tranquilly. I +cannot yet say when the vessel will sail in which I have determined to +depart. + + * * * * * + +Saturday Morning. + +Your second letter reached me about an hour ago. You were certainly +wrong, in supposing that I did not mention you with respect; though, +without my being conscious of it, some sparks of resentment may have +animated the gloom of despair--Yes; with less affection, I should have +been more respectful. However the regard which I have for you, is so +unequivocal to myself, I imagine that it must be sufficiently obvious to +every body else. Besides, the only letter I intended for the public eye +was to ----, and that I destroyed from delicacy before you saw them, +because it was only written (of course warmly in your praise) to prevent +any odium being thrown on you[133-A]. + +I am harrassed by your embarrassments, and shall certainly use all my +efforts, to make the business terminate to your satisfaction in which I +am engaged. + +My friend--my dearest friend--I feel my fate united to yours by the most +sacred principles of my soul, and the yearns of--yes, I will say it--a +true, unsophisticated heart. + +Yours most truly + +* * * * + +If the wind be fair, the captain talks of sailing on Monday; but I am +afraid I shall be detained some days longer. At any rate, continue to +write, (I want this support) till you are sure I am where I cannot expect +a letter; and, if any should arrive after my departure, a gentleman (not +Mr. ----'s friend, I promise you) from whom I have received great +civilities, will send them after me. + +Do write by every occasion! I am anxious to hear how your affairs go on; +and, still more, to be convinced that you are not separating yourself +from us. For my little darling is calling papa, and adding her parrot +word--Come, Come! And will you not come, and let us exert ourselves?--I +shall recover all my energy, when I am convinced that my exertions will +draw us more closely together. One more adieu! + + * * * * * + +LETTER XLV. + +Sunday, June 14. + +I RATHER expected to hear from you to-day--I wish you would not fail to +write to me for a little time, because I am not quite well--Whether I +have any good sleep or not, I wake in the morning in violent fits of +trembling--and, in spite of all my efforts, the child--every +thing--fatigues me, in which I seek for solace or amusement. + +Mr. ---- forced on me a letter to a physician of this place; it was +fortunate, for I should otherwise have had some difficulty to obtain the +necessary information. His wife is a pretty woman (I can admire, you +know, a pretty woman, when I am alone) and he an intelligent and rather +interesting man.--They have behaved to me with great hospitality; and +poor ------ was never so happy in her life, as amongst their young brood. + +They took me in their carriage to ------, and I ran over my favourite +walks, with a vivacity that would have astonished you.--The town did not +please me quite so well as formerly--It appeared so diminutive; and, when +I found that many of the inhabitants had lived in the same houses ever +since I left it, I could not help wondering how they could thus have +vegetated, whilst I was running over a world of sorrow, snatching at +pleasure, and throwing off prejudices. The place where I at present am, +is much improved; but it is astonishing what strides aristocracy and +fanaticism have made, since I resided in this country. + +The wind does not appear inclined to change, so I am still forced to +linger--When do you think that you shall be able to set out for France? I +do not entirely like the aspect of your affairs, and still less your +connections on either side of the water. Often do I sigh, when I think of +your entanglements in business, and your extreme restlessness of +mind.--Even now I am almost afraid to ask you, whether the pleasure of +being free, does not over-balance the pain you felt at parting with me? +Sometimes I indulge the hope that you will feel me necessary to you--or +why should we meet again?--but, the moment after, despair damps my rising +spirits, aggravated by the emotions of tenderness, which ought to soften +the cares of life.----God bless you! + +Yours sincerely and affectionately + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XLVI. + +June 15. + +I WANT to know how you have settled with respect to ------. In short, be +very particular in your account of all your affairs--let our confidence, +my dear, be unbounded.--The last time we were separated, was a separation +indeed on your part--Now you have acted more ingenuously, let the most +affectionate interchange of sentiments fill up the aching void of +disappointment. I almost dread that your plans will prove abortive--yet +should the most unlucky turn send you home to us, convinced that a true +friend is a treasure, I should not much mind having to struggle with the +world again. Accuse me not of pride--yet sometimes, when nature has +opened my heart to its author, I have wondered that you did not set a +higher value on my heart. + +Receive a kiss from ------, I was going to add, if you will not take one +from me, and believe me yours + +Sincerely + +* * * * + +The wind still continues in the same quarter. + + * * * * * + +LETTER XLVII. + +Tuesday Morning. + +THE captain has just sent to inform me, that I must be on board in the +course of a few hours.--I wished to have stayed till to-morrow. It would +have been a comfort to me to have received another letter from +you--Should one arrive, it will be sent after me. + +My spirits are agitated, I scarcely know why----The quitting England +seems to be a fresh parting.--Surely you will not forget me.--A thousand +weak forebodings assault my soul, and the state of my health renders me +sensible to every thing. It is surprising that in London, in a continual +conflict of mind, I was still growing better--whilst here, bowed down by +the despotic hand of fate, forced into resignation by despair, I seem to +be fading away--perishing beneath a cruel blight, that withers up all my +faculties. + +The child is perfectly well. My hand seems unwilling to add adieu! I know +not why this inexpressible sadness has taken possession of me.--It is not +a presentiment of ill. Yet, having been so perpetually the sport of +disappointment,--having a heart that has been as it were a mark for +misery, I dread to meet wretchedness in some new shape.--Well, let it +come--I care not!--what have I to dread, who have so little to hope for! +God bless you--I am most affectionately and sincerely yours + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XLVIII. + +Wednesday Morning. + +I WAS hurried on board yesterday about three o'clock, the wind having +changed. But before evening it veered round to the old point; and here we +are, in the midst of mists and water, only taking advantage of the tide +to advance a few miles. + +You will scarcely suppose that I left the town with reluctance--yet it +was even so--for I wished to receive another letter from you, and I felt +pain at parting, for ever perhaps, from the amiable family, who had +treated me with so much hospitality and kindness. They will probably send +me your letter, if it arrives this morning; for here we are likely to +remain, I am afraid to think how long. + +The vessel is very commodious, and the captain a civil, open-hearted kind +of man. There being no other passengers, I have the cabin to myself, +which is pleasant; and I have brought a few books with me to beguile +weariness; but I seem inclined, rather to employ the dead moments of +suspence in writing some effusions, than in reading. + +What are you about? How are your affairs going on? It may be a long time +before you answer these questions. My dear friend, my heart sinks within +me!--Why am I forced thus to struggle continually with my affections and +feelings?--Ah! why are those affections and feelings the source of so +much misery, when they seem to have been given to vivify my heart, and +extend my usefulness! But I must not dwell on this subject.--Will you not +endeavour to cherish all the affection you can for me? What am I +saying?--Rather forget me, if you can--if other gratifications are dearer +to you.--How is every remembrance of mine embittered by disappointment? +What a world is this!--They only seem happy, who never look beyond +sensual or artificial enjoyments.--Adieu! + +------ begins to play with the cabin-boy, and is as gay as a lark.--I +will labour to be tranquil; and am in every mood, + +Yours sincerely + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XLIX. + +Thursday. + +HERE I am still--and I have just received your letter of Monday by the +pilot, who promised to bring it to me, if we were detained, as he +expected, by the wind.--It is indeed wearisome to be thus tossed about +without going forward.--I have a violent head-ache--yet I am obliged to +take care of the child, who is a little tormented by her teeth, because +------ is unable to do any thing, she is rendered so sick by the motion +of the ship, as we ride at anchor. + +These are however trifling inconveniences, compared with anguish of +mind--compared with the sinking of a broken heart.--To tell you the +truth, I never suffered in my life so much from depression of +spirits--from despair.--I do not sleep--or, if I close my eyes, it is to +have the most terrifying dreams, in which I often meet you with different +casts of countenance. + +I will not, my dear ------, torment you by dwelling on my sufferings--and +will use all my efforts to calm my mind, instead of deadening it--at +present it is most painfully active. I find I am not equal to these +continual struggles--yet your letter this morning has afforded me some +comfort--and I will try to revive hope. One thing let me tell you--when +we meet again--surely we are to meet!--it must be to part no more. I mean +not to have seas between us--it is more than I can support. + +The pilot is hurrying me--God bless you. + +In spite of the commodiousness of the vessel, every thing here would +disgust my senses, had I nothing else to think of--"When the mind's free, +the body's delicate;"--mine has been too much hurt to regard trifles. + +Yours most truly + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER L. + +Saturday. + +THIS is the fifth dreary day I have been imprisoned by the wind, with +every outward object to disgust the senses, and unable to banish the +remembrances that sadden my heart. + +How am I altered by disappointment!--When going to ----, ten years ago, +the elasticity of my mind was sufficient to ward off weariness--and the +imagination still could dip her brush in the rainbow of fancy, and sketch +futurity in smiling colours. Now I am going towards the North in search +of sunbeams!--Will any ever warm this desolated heart? All nature seems +to frown--or rather mourn with me.--Every thing is cold--cold as my +expectations! Before I left the shore, tormented, as I now am, by these +North east _chillers_, I could not help exclaiming--Give me, gracious +Heaven! at least, genial weather, if I am never to meet the genial +affection that still warms this agitated bosom--compelling life to linger +there. + +I am now going on shore with the captain, though the weather be rough, +to seek for milk, &c. at a little village, and to take a walk--after +which I hope to sleep--for, confined here, surrounded by disagreeable +smells, I have lost the little appetite I had; and I lie awake, till +thinking almost drives me to the brink of madness--only to the brink, for +I never forget, even in the feverish slumbers I sometimes fall into, the +misery I am labouring to blunt the the sense of, by every exertion in my +power. + +Poor ------ still continues sick, and ------ grows weary when the weather +will not allow her to remain on deck. + +I hope this will be the last letter I shall write from England to +you--are you not tired of this lingering adieu? + +Yours truly + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER LI. + +Sunday Morning. + +THE captain last night, after I had written my letter to you intended to +be left at a little village, offered to go to ---- to pass to-day. We had +a troublesome sail--and now I must hurry on board again, for the wind has +changed. + +I half expected to find a letter from you here. Had you written one +haphazard, it would have been kind and considerate--you might have known, +had you thought, that the wind would not permit me to depart. These are +attentions, more grateful to the heart than offers of service--But why +do I foolishly continue to look for them? + +Adieu! adieu! My friend--your friendship is very cold--you see I am +hurt.--God bless you! I may perhaps be, some time or other, independent +in every sense of the word--Ah! there is but one sense of it of +consequence. I will break or bend this weak heart--yet even now it is +full. + +Yours sincerely + +* * * * + +The child is well; I did not leave her on board. + + * * * * * + +LETTER LII. + +June 27, Saturday. + +I ARRIVED in ------ this afternoon, after vainly attempting to land at +----. I have now but a moment, before the post goes out, to inform you we +have got here; though not without considerable difficulty, for we were +set ashore in a boat above twenty miles below. + +What I suffered in the vessel I will not now descant upon--nor mention +the pleasure I received from the sight of the rocky coast.--This morning +however, walking to join the carriage that was to transport us to this +place, I fell, without any previous warning, senseless on the rocks--and +how I escaped with life I can scarcely guess. I was in a stupour for a +quarter of an hour; the suffusion of blood at last restored me to my +senses--the contusion is great, and my brain confused. The child is well. + +Twenty miles ride in the rain, after my accident, has sufficiently +deranged me--and here I could not get a fire to warm me, or any thing +warm to eat; the inns are mere stables--I must nevertheless go to bed. +For God's sake, let me hear from you immediately, my friend! I am not +well and yet you see I cannot die. + +Yours sincerely + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER LIII. + +June 29. + +I WROTE to you by the last post, to inform you of my arrival; and I +believe I alluded to the extreme fatigue I endured on ship-board, owing +to ------'s illness, and the roughness of the weather--I likewise +mentioned to you my fall, the effects of which I still feel, though I do +not think it will have any serious consequences. + +------ will go with me, if I find it necessary to go to ------. The inns +here are so bad, I was forced to accept of an apartment in his house. I +am overwhelmed with civilities on all sides, and fatigued with the +endeavours to amuse me, from which I cannot escape. + +My friend--my friend, I am not well--a deadly weight of sorrow lies +heavily on my heart. I am again tossed on the troubled billows of life; +and obliged to cope with difficulties, without being buoyed up by the +hopes that alone render them bearable. "How flat, dull, and +unprofitable," appears to me all the bustle into which I see people here +so eagerly enter! I long every night to go to bed, to hide my melancholy +face in my pillow; but there is a canker-worm in my bosom that never +sleeps. + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER LIV. + +July 1. + +I LABOUR in vain to calm my mind--my soul has been overwhelmed by sorrow +and disappointment. Every thing fatigues me--this is a life that cannot +last long. It is you who must determine with respect to futurity--and, +when you have, I will act accordingly--I mean, we must either resolve to +live together, or part for ever, I cannot bear these continual +struggles--But I wish you to examine carefully your own heart and mind; +and, if you perceive the least chance of being happier without me than +with me, or if your inclination leans capriciously to that side, do not +dissemble; but tell me frankly that you will never see me more. I will +then adopt the plan I mentioned to you--for we must either live together, +or I will be entirely independent. + +My heart is so oppressed, I cannot write with precision--You know however +that what I so imperfectly express, are not the crude sentiments of the +moment--You can only contribute to my comfort (it is the consolation I am +in need of) by being with me--and, if the tenderest friendship is of any +value, why will you not look to me for a degree of satisfaction that +heartless affections cannot bestow? + +Tell me then, will you determine to meet me at Basle?--I shall, I should +imagine, be at ------ before the close of August; and, after you settle +your affairs at Paris, could we not meet there? + +God bless you! + +Yours truly + +* * * * + +Poor ------ has suffered during the journey with her teeth. + + * * * * * + +LETTER LV. + +July 3. + +THERE was a gloominess diffused through your last letter, the impression +of which still rests on my mind--though, recollecting how quickly you +throw off the forcible feelings of the moment, I flatter myself it has +long since given place to your usual cheerfulness. + +Believe me (and my eyes fill with tears of tenderness as I assure you) +there is nothing I would not endure in the way of privation, rather than +disturb your tranquillity.--If I am fated to be unhappy, I will labour to +hide my sorrows in my own bosom; and you shall always find me a faithful, +affectionate friend. + +I grow more and more attached to my little girl--and I cherish this +affection without fear, because it must be a long time before it can +become bitterness of soul.--She is an interesting creature.--On +ship-board, how often as I gazed at the sea, have I longed to bury my +troubled bosom in the less troubled deep; asserting with Brutus, "that +the virtue I had followed too far, was merely an empty name!" and +nothing but the sight of her--her playful smiles, which seemed to cling +and twine round my heart--could have stopped me. + +What peculiar misery has fallen to my share! To act up to my principles, +I have laid the strictest restraint on my very thoughts--yes; not to +sully the delicacy of my feelings, I have reined in my imagination; and +started with affright from every sensation, (I allude to ----) that +stealing with balmy sweetness into my soul, led me to scent from afar the +fragrance of reviving nature. + +My friend, I have dearly paid for one conviction.--Love, in some minds, +is an affair of sentiment, arising from the same delicacy of perception +(or taste) as renders them alive to the beauties of nature, poetry, &c, +alive to the charms of those evanescent graces that are, as it were, +impalpable--they must be felt, they cannot be described. + +Love is a want of my heart. I have examined myself lately with more care +than formerly, and find, that to deaden is not to calm the mind--Aiming +at tranquillity, I have almost destroyed all the energy of my +soul--almost rooted out what renders it estimable--Yes, I have damped +that enthusiasm of character, which converts the grossest materials into +a fuel, that imperceptibly feeds hopes, which aspire above common +enjoyment. Despair, since the birth of my child, has rendered me +stupid--soul and body seemed to be fading away before the withering touch +of disappointment. + +I am now endeavouring to recover myself--and such is the elasticity of my +constitution, and the purity of the atmosphere here, that health unsought +for, begins to reanimate my countenance. + +I have the sincerest esteem and affection for you--but the desire of +regaining peace, (do you understand me?) has made me forget the respect +due to my own emotions--sacred emotions, that are the sure harbingers of +the delights I was formed to enjoy--and shall enjoy, for nothing can +extinguish the heavenly spark. + +Still, when we meet again, I will not torment you, I promise you. I blush +when I recollect my former conduct--and will not in future confound +myself with the beings whom I feel to be my inferiors.--I will listen to +delicacy, or pride. + + * * * * * + +LETTER LVI. + +July 4. + +I HOPE to hear from you by to-morrow's mail. My dearest friend! I cannot +tear my affections from you--and, though every remembrance stings me to +the soul, I think of you, till I make allowance for the very defects of +character, that have given such a cruel stab to my peace. + +Still however I am more alive, than you have seen me for a long, long +time. I have a degree of vivacity, even in my grief, which is preferable +to the benumbing stupour that, for the last year, has frozen up all my +faculties.--Perhaps this change is more owing to returning health, than +to the vigour of my reason--for, in spite of sadness (and surely I have +had my share), the purity of this air, and the being continually out in +it, for I sleep in the country every night, has made an alteration in my +appearance that really surprises me.--The rosy fingers of health already +streak my cheeks--and I have seen a _physical_ life in my eyes, after I +have been climbing the rocks, that resembled the fond, credulous hopes of +youth. + +With what a cruel sigh have I recollected that I had forgotten to +hope!--Reason, or rather experience, does not thus cruelly damp poor +------'s pleasures; she plays all day in the garden with ------'s +children, and makes friends for herself. + +Do not tell me, that you are happier without us--Will you not come to us +in Switzerland? Ah, why do not you love us with more sentiment?--why are +you a creature of such sympathy, that the warmth of your feelings, or +rather quickness of your senses, hardens your heart? It is my misfortune, +that my imagination is perpetually shading your defects, and lending you +charms, whilst the grossness of your senses makes you (call me not vain) +overlook graces in me, that only dignity of mind, and the sensibility of +an expanded heart can give.--God bless you! Adieu. + + * * * * * + +LETTER LVII. + +July 7. + +I COULD not help feeling extremely mortified last post, at not receiving +a letter from you. My being at ------was but a chance, and you might have +hazarded it; and would a year ago. + +I shall not however complain--There are misfortunes so great, as to +silence the usual expressions of sorrow--Believe me, there is such a +thing as a broken heart! There are characters whose very energy preys +upon them; and who, ever inclined to cherish by reflection some passion, +cannot rest satisfied with the common comforts of life. I have +endeavoured to fly from myself, and launched into all the dissipation +possible here, only to feel keener anguish, when alone with my child. + +Still, could any thing please me--had not disappointment cut me off from +life, this romantic country, these fine evenings, would interest me.--My +God! can any thing? and am I ever to feel alive only to painful +sensations?--But it cannot--it shall not last long. + +The post is again arrived; I have sent to seek for letters, only to be +wounded to the soul by a negative.--My brain seems on fire, I must go +into the air. + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER LVIII. + +July 14. + +I AM now on my journey to ------. I felt more at leaving my child, than I +thought I should--and, whilst at night I imagined every instant that I +heard the half-formed sounds of her voice,--I asked myself how I could +think of parting with her for ever, of leaving her thus helpless? + +Poor lamb! It may run very well in a tale, that "God will temper the +winds to the shorn lamb!" but how can I expect that she will be shielded, +when my naked bosom has had to brave continually the pitiless storm? +Yes; I could add, with poor Lear--What is the war of elements to the +pangs of disappointed affection, and the horror arising from a discovery +of a breach of confidence, that snaps every social tie! + +All is not right somewhere!--When you first knew me, I was not thus lost. +I could still confide--for I opened my heart to you--of this only comfort +you have deprived me, whilst my happiness, you tell me, was your first +object. Strange want of judgment! + +I will not complain; but, from the soundness of your understanding, I am +convinced, if you give yourself leave to reflect, you will also feel, +that your conduct to me, so far from being generous, has not been +just.--I mean not to allude to factitious principles of morality; but to +the simple basis of all rectitude.--However I did not intend to +argue--Your not writing is cruel--and my reason is perhaps disturbed by +constant wretchedness. + +Poor ------ would fain have accompanied me, out of tenderness; for my +fainting, or rather convulsion, when I landed, and my sudden changes of +countenance since, have alarmed her so much, that she is perpetually +afraid of some accident--But it would have injured the child this warm +season, as she is cutting her teeth. + +I hear not of your having written to me at ----. Very well! Act as you +please--there is nothing I fear or care for! When I see whether I can, or +cannot obtain the money I am come here about, I will not trouble you with +letters to which you do not reply. + + * * * * * + +LETTER LIX. + +July 18. + +I AM here in ----, separated from my child--and here I must remain a +month at least, or I might as well never have come. -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- + +I have begun -------- which will, I hope, discharge all my obligations of +a pecuniary kind.--I am lowered in my own eyes, on account of my not +having done it sooner. + +I shall make no further comments on your silence. God bless you! + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER LX. + +July 30. + +I HAVE just received two of your letters, dated the 26th and 30th of +June; and you must have received several from me, informing you of my +detention, and how much I was hurt by your silence. + +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- + +Write to me then, my friend, and write explicitly. I have suffered, God +knows, since I left you. Ah! you have never felt this kind of sickness of +heart!--My mind however is at present painfully active, and the sympathy +I feel almost rises to agony. But this is not a subject of complaint, it +has afforded me pleasure,--and reflected pleasure is all I have to hope +for--if a spark of hope be yet alive in my forlorn bosom. + +I will try to write with a degree of composure. I wish for us to live +together, because I want you to acquire an habitual tenderness for my +poor girl. I cannot bear to think of leaving her alone in the world, or +that she should only be protected by your sense of duty. Next to +preserving her, my most earnest wish is not to disturb your peace. I have +nothing to expect, and little to fear, in life--There are wounds that can +never be healed--but they may be allowed to fester in silence without +wincing. + +When we meet again, you shall be convinced that I have more resolution +than you give me credit for. I will not torment you. If I am destined +always to be disappointed and unhappy, I will conceal the anguish I +cannot dissipate; and the tightened cord of life or reason will at last +snap, and set me free. + +Yes; I shall be happy--This heart is worthy of the bliss its feelings +anticipate--and I cannot even persuade myself, wretched as they have made +me, that my principles and sentiments are not founded in nature and +truth. But to have done with these subjects. + +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- + +I have been seriously employed in this way since I came to ----; yet I +never was so much in the air.--I walk, I ride on horseback--row, bathe, +and even sleep in the fields; my health is consequently improved. The +child, ------informs me, is well. I long to be with her. + +Write to me immediately--were I only to think of myself, I could wish you +to return to me, poor, with the simplicity of character, part of which +you seem lately to have lost, that first attached to you. + +Yours most affectionately + +* * * * * * * * * + +I have been subscribing other letters--so I mechanically did the same to +yours. + + * * * * * + +LETTER LXI. + +August 5. + +EMPLOYMENT and exercise have been of great service to me; and I have +entirely recovered the strength and activity I lost during the time of my +nursing. I have seldom been in better health; and my mind, though +trembling to the touch of anguish, is calmer--yet still the same.--I +have, it is true, enjoyed some tranquillity, and more happiness here, +than for a long--long time past.--(I say happiness, for I can give no +other appellation to the exquisite delight this wild country and fine +summer have afforded me.)--Still, on examining my heart, I find that it +is so constituted, I cannot live without some particular affection--I am +afraid not without a passion--and I feel the want of it more in society, +than in solitude-- +-- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- + +Writing to you, whenever an affectionate epithet occurs--my eyes fill +with tears, and my trembling hand stops--you may then depend on my +resolution, when with you. If I am doomed to be unhappy, I will confine +my anguish in my own bosom--tenderness, rather than passion, has made me +sometimes overlook delicacy--the same tenderness will in future restrain +me. God bless you! + + * * * * * + +LETTER LXII. + +August 7. + +AIR, exercise, and bathing, have restored me to health, braced my +muscles, and covered my ribs, even whilst I have recovered my former +activity.--I cannot tell you that my mind is calm, though I have snatched +some moments of exquisite delight, wandering through the woods, and +resting on the rocks. + +This state of suspense, my friend, is intolerable; we must determine on +something--and soon;--we must meet shortly, or part for ever. I am +sensible that I acted foolishly--but I was wretched--when we were +together--Expecting too much, I let the pleasure I might have caught, +slip from me. I cannot live with you--I ought not--if you form another +attachment. But I promise you, mine shall not be intruded on you. Little +reason have I to expect a shadow of happiness, after the cruel +disappointments that have rent my heart; but that of my child seems to +depend on our being together. Still I do not wish you to sacrifice a +chance of enjoyment for an uncertain good. I feel a conviction, that I +can provide for her, and it shall be my object--if we are indeed to part +to meet no more. Her affection must not be divided. She must be a comfort +to me--if I am to have no other--and only know me as her support.--I feel +that I cannot endure the anguish of corresponding with you--if we are +only to correspond.--No; if you seek for happiness elsewhere, my letters +shall not interrupt your repose. I will be dead to you. I cannot express +to you what pain it gives me to write about an eternal separation.--You +must determine--examine yourself--But, for God's sake! spare me the +anxiety of uncertainty!--I may sink under the trial; but I will not +complain. + +Adieu! If I had any thing more to say to you, it is all flown, and +absorbed by the most tormenting apprehensions, yet I scarcely know what +new form of misery I have to dread. + +I ought to beg your pardon for having sometimes written peevishly; but +you will impute it to affection, if you understand any thing of the heart +of + +Yours truly + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER LXIII. + +August 9. + +FIVE of your letters have been sent after me from ----. One, dated the +14th of July, was written in a style which I may have merited, but did +not expect from you. However this is not a time to reply to it, except to +assure you that you shall not be tormented with any more complaints. I am +disgusted with myself for having so long importuned you with my +affection.---- + +My child is very well. We shall soon meet, to part no more, I hope--I +mean, I and my girl.--I shall wait with some degree of anxiety till I am +informed how your affairs terminate. + +Yours sincerely + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER LXIV. + +August 26. + +I ARRIVED here last night, and with the most exquisite delight, once more +pressed my babe to my heart. We shall part no more. You perhaps cannot +conceive the pleasure it gave me, to see her run about, and play alone. +Her increasing intelligence attaches me more and more to her. I have +promised her that I will fulfil my duty to her; and nothing in future +shall make me forget it. I will also exert myself to obtain an +independence for her; but I will not be too anxious on this head. + +I have already told you, that I have recovered my health. Vigour, and +even vivacity of mind, have returned with a renovated constitution. As +for peace, we will not talk of it. I was not made, perhaps, to enjoy the +calm contentment so termed.-- +-- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- + +You tell me that my letters torture you; I will not describe the effect +yours have on me. I received three this morning, the last dated the 7th +of this month. I mean not to give vent to the emotions they +produced.--Certainly you are right; our minds are not congenial. I have +lived in an ideal world, and fostered sentiments that you do not +comprehend--or you would not treat me thus. I am not, I will not be, +merely an object of compassion--a clog, however light, to teize you. +Forget that I exist: I will never remind you. Something emphatical +whispers me to put an end to these struggles. Be free--I will not +torment, when I cannot please. I can take care of my child; you need not +continually tell me that our fortune is inseparable, _that you will try +to cherish tenderness_ for me. Do no violence to yourself! When we are +separated, our interest, since you give so much weight to pecuniary +considerations, will be entirely divided. I want not protection without +affection; and support I need not, whilst my faculties are undisturbed. +I had a dislike to living in England; but painful feelings must give way +to superior considerations. I may not be able to acquire the sum +necessary to maintain my child and self elsewhere. It is too late to go +to Switzerland. I shall not remain at ----, living expensively. But be +not alarmed! I shall not force myself on you any more. + +Adieu! I am agitated--my whole frame is convulsed--my lips tremble, as if +shook by cold, though fire seems to be circulating in my veins. + +God bless you. + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER LXV. + +September 6. + +I RECEIVED just now your letter of the 20th. I had written you a letter +last night, into which imperceptibly slipt some of my bitterness of soul. +I will copy the part relative to business. I am not sufficiently vain to +imagine that I can, for more than a moment, cloud your enjoyment of +life--to prevent even that, you had better never hear from me--and repose +on the idea that I am happy. + +Gracious God! It is impossible for me to stifle something like +resentment, when I receive fresh proofs of your indifference. What I +have suffered this last year, is not to be forgotten! I have not that +happy substitute for wisdom, insensibility--and the lively sympathies +which bind me to my fellow-creatures, are all of a painful kind.--They +are the agonies of a broken heart--pleasure and I have shaken hands. + +I see here nothing but heaps of ruins, and only converse with people +immersed in trade and sensuality. + +I am weary of travelling--yet seem to have no home--no resting place to +look to.--I am strangely cast off.--How often, passing through the rocks, +I have thought, "But for this child, I would lay my head on one of them, +and never open my eyes again!" With a heart feelingly alive to all the +affections of my nature--I have never met with one, softer than the stone +that I would fain take for my last pillow. I once thought I had, but it +was all a delusion. I meet with families continually, who are bound +together by affection or principle--and, when I am conscious that I have +fulfilled the duties of my station, almost to a forgetfulness of myself, +I am ready to demand, in a murmuring tone, of Heaven, "Why am I thus +abandoned?" + +You say now -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- + +I do not understand you. It is necessary for you to write more +explicitly--and determine on some mode of conduct.--I cannot endure this +suspense--Decide--Do you fear to strike another blow? We live together, +or eternally part!--I shall not write to you again, till I receive an +answer to this. I must compose my tortured soul, before I write on +indifferent subjects. -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- + +I do not know whether I write intelligibly, for my head is +disturbed.--But this you ought to pardon--for it is with difficulty +frequently that I make out what you mean to say--You write, I suppose, at +Mr. ----'s after dinner, when your head is not the clearest--and as for +your heart, if you have one, I see nothing like the dictates of +affection, unless a glimpse when you mention, the child.--Adieu! + + * * * * * + +LETTER LXVI. + +September 25. + +I HAVE just finished a letter, to be given in charge to captain ------. +In that I complained of your silence, and expressed my surprise that +three mails should have arrived without bringing a line for me. Since I +closed it, I hear of another, and still no letter.--I am labouring to +write calmly--this silence is a refinement on cruelty. Had captain ------ +remained a few days longer, I would have returned with him to England. +What have I to do here? I have repeatedly written to you fully. Do you +do the same--and quickly. Do not leave me in suspense. I have not +deserved this of you. I cannot write, my mind is so distressed. Adieu! + +* * * * + + +END VOL. III. + +FOOTNOTES: + +[4-A] The child is in a subsequent letter called the "barrier girl," +probably from a supposition that she owed her existence to this +interview. + +EDITOR. + +[7-A] This and the thirteen following letters appear to have been written +during a separation of several months; the date, Paris. + +[27-A] Some further letters, written during the remainder of the week, in +a similar strain to the preceding, appear to have been destroyed by the +person to whom they were addressed. + +[47-A] The child spoken of in some preceding letters, had now been born a +considerable time. + +[50-A] She means, "the latter more than the former." + +EDITOR. + +[58-A] This is the first of a series of letters written during a +separation of many months, to which no cordial meeting ever succeeded. +They were sent from Paris, and bear the address of London. + +[91-A] The person to whom the letters are addressed, was about this time +at Ramsgate, on his return, as he professed, to Paris, when he was +recalled, as it should seem, to London, by the further pressure of +business now accumulated upon him. + +[100-A] This probably alludes to some expression of the person to whom +the letters are addressed, in which he treated as common evils, things +upon which the letter writer was disposed to bestow a different +appellation. + +EDITOR. + +[133-A] This passage refers to letters written under a purpose of +suicide, and not intended to be opened till after the catastrophe. + + + + +POSTHUMOUS WORKS + +OF THE + +AUTHOR + +OF A + +VINDICATION OF THE RIGHTS OF WOMAN. + +IN FOUR VOLUMES. + + * * * * * + +VOL. IV. + + * * * * * + +_LONDON:_ + +PRINTED FOR J. JOHNSON, NO. 72, ST. PAUL'S + CHURCH-YARD; AND G. G. AND J. ROBINSON, + PATERNOSTER-ROW. + 1798. + + + +LETTERS + +AND + +MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. + +IN TWO VOLUMES. + + * * * * * + +VOL. II. + + + + +CONTENTS. + + + Page +Letters 1 +Letter on the Present Character of the French Nation 39 +Fragment of Letters on the Management of Infants 55 +Letters to Mr. Johnson 61 +Extract of the Cave of Fancy, a Tale 99 +On Poetry and our Relish for the Beauties of Nature 159 +Hints 179 + + + + +ERRATA. + + +Page 10, line 8, _for_ I write you, _read_ I write to you. +---- 20, -- 9, _read_ bring them to ----. +---- 146, -- 2 from the bottom, after over, insert a comma. + + + + +LETTERS. + + + * * * * * + +LETTER LXVII. + +September 27. + +WHEN you receive this, I shall either have landed, or be hovering on the +British coast--your letter of the 18th decided me. + +By what criterion of principle or affection, you term my questions +extraordinary and unnecessary, I cannot determine.--You desire me to +decide--I had decided. You must have had long ago two letters of mine, +from ------, to the same purport, to consider.--In these, God knows! +there was but too much affection, and the agonies of a distracted mind +were but too faithfully pourtrayed!--What more then had I to say?--The +negative was to come from you.--You had perpetually recurred to your +promise of meeting me in the autumn--Was it extraordinary that I should +demand a yes, or no?--Your letter is written with extreme harshness, +coldness I am accustomed to, in it I find not a trace of the tenderness +of humanity, much less of friendship.--I only see a desire to heave a +load off your shoulders. + +I am above disputing about words.--It matters not in what terms you +decide. + +The tremendous power who formed this heart, must have foreseen that, in a +world in which self-interest, in various shapes, is the principal mobile, +I had little chance of escaping misery.--To the fiat of fate I submit.--I +am content to be wretched; but I will not be contemptible.--Of me you +have no cause to complain, but for having had too much regard for +you--for having expected a degree of permanent happiness, when you only +sought for a momentary gratification. + +I am strangely deficient in sagacity.--Uniting myself to you, your +tenderness seemed to make me amends for all my former misfortunes.--On +this tenderness and affection with what confidence did I rest!--but I +leaned on a spear, that has pierced me to the heart.--You have thrown off +a faithful friend, to pursue the caprices of the moment.--We certainly +are differently organized; for even now, when conviction has been stamped +on my soul by sorrow, I can scarcely believe it possible. It depends at +present on you, whether you will see me or not.--I shall take no step, +till I see or hear from you. + +Preparing myself for the worst--I have determined, if your next letter be +like the last, to write to Mr. ------to procure me an obscure lodging, +and not to inform any body of my arrival.--There I will endeavour in a +few months to obtain the sum necessary to take me to France--from you I +will not receive any more.--I am not yet sufficiently humbled to depend +on your beneficence. + +Some people, whom my unhappiness has interested, though they know not +the extent of it, will assist me to attain the object I have in view, the +independence of my child. Should a peace take place, ready money will go +a great way in France--and I will borrow a sum, which my industry _shall_ +enable me to pay at my leisure, to purchase a small estate for my +girl.--The assistance I shall find necessary to complete her education, I +can get at an easy rate at Paris--I can introduce her to such society as +she will like--and thus, securing for her all the chance for happiness, +which depends on me, I shall die in peace, persuaded that the felicity +which has hitherto cheated my expectation, will not always elude my +grasp. No poor tempest-tossed mariner ever more earnestly longed to +arrive at his port. + +* * * * + +I shall not come up in the vessel all the way, because I have no place to +go to. Captain ------ will inform you where I am. It is needless to add, +that I am not in a state of mind to bear suspense--and that I wish to see +you, though it be for the last time. + + * * * * * + +LETTER LXVIII. + +Sunday, October 4. + +I WROTE to you by the packet, to inform you, that your letter of the 18th +of last month, had determined me to set out with captain ------; but, as +we sailed very quick, I take it for granted, that you have not yet +received it. + +You say, I must decide for myself.--I had decided, that it was most for +the interest of my little girl, and for my own comfort, little as I +expect, for us to live together; and I even thought that you would be +glad, some years hence, when the tumult of business was over, to repose +in the society of an affectionate friend, and mark the progress of our +interesting child, whilst endeavouring to be of use in the circle you at +last resolved to rest in; for you cannot run about for ever. + +From the tenour of your last letter however, I am led to imagine, that +you have formed some new attachment.--If it be so, let me earnestly +request you to see me once more, and immediately. This is the only proof +I require of the friendship you profess for me. I will then decide, +since you boggle about a mere form. + +I am labouring to write with calmness--but the extreme anguish I feel, at +landing without having any friend to receive me, and even to be conscious +that the friend whom I most wish to see, will feel a disagreeable +sensation at being informed of my arrival, does not come under the +description of common misery. Every emotion yields to an overwhelming +flood of sorrow--and the playfulness of my child distresses me.--On her +account, I wished to remain a few days here, comfortless as is my +situation.--Besides, I did not wish to surprise you. You have told me, +that you would make any sacrifice to promote my happiness--and, even in +your last unkind letter, you talk of the ties which bind you to me and +my child.--Tell me, that you wish it, and I will cut this Gordian knot. + +I now most earnestly intreat you to write to me, without fail, by the +return of the post. Direct your letter to be left at the post-office, and +tell me whether you will come to me here, or where you will meet me. I +can receive your letter on Wednesday morning. + +Do not keep me in suspense.--I expect nothing from you, or any human +being: my die is cast!--I have fortitude enough to determine to do my +duty; yet I cannot raise my depressed spirits, or calm my trembling +heart.--That being who moulded it thus, knows that I am unable to tear up +by the roots the propensity to affection which has been the torment of my +life--but life will have an end! + +Should you come here (a few months ago I could not have doubted it) you +will find me at ------. If you prefer meeting me on the road, tell me +where. + +Yours affectionately + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER LXIX. + +I WRITE you now on my knees; imploring you to send my child and the maid +with ----, to Paris, to be consigned to the care of Madame ----, rue +----, section de ----. Should they be removed, ---- can give their +direction. + +Let the maid have all my clothes, without distinction. + +Pray pay the cook her wages, and do not mention the confession which I +forced from her--a little sooner or later is of no consequence. Nothing +but my extreme stupidity could have rendered me blind so long. Yet, +whilst you assured me that you had no attachment, I thought we might +still have lived together. + +I shall make no comments on your conduct; or any appeal to the world. Let +my wrongs sleep with me! Soon, very soon shall I be at peace. When you +receive this, my burning head will be cold. + +I would encounter a thousand deaths, rather than a night like the last. +Your treatment has thrown my mind into a state of chaos; yet I am serene. +I go to find comfort, and my only fear is, that my poor body will be +insulted by an endeavour to recal my hated existence. But I shall plunge +into the Thames where there is the least chance of my being snatched from +the death I seek. + +God bless you! May you never know by experience what you have made me +endure. Should your sensibility ever awake, remorse will find its way to +your heart; and, in the midst of business and sensual pleasure, I shall +appear before you, the victim of your deviation from rectitude. + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER LXX. + +Sunday Morning. + +I HAVE only to lament, that, when the bitterness of death was past, I was +inhumanly brought back to life and misery. But a fixed determination is +not to be baffled by disappointment; nor will I allow that to be a +frantic attempt, which was one of the calmest acts of reason. In this +respect, I am only accountable to myself. Did I care for what is termed +reputation, it is by other circumstances that I should be dishonoured. + +You say, "that you know not how to extricate ourselves out of the +wretchedness into which we have been plunged." You are extricated long +since.--But I forbear to comment.----If I am condemned to live longer, it +is a living death. + +It appears to me, that you lay much more stress on delicacy, than on +principle; for I am unable to discover what sentiment of delicacy would +have been violated, by your visiting a wretched friend--if indeed you +have any friendship for me.--But since your new attachment is the only +thing sacred in your eyes, I am silent--Be happy! My complaints shall +never more damp your enjoyment--perhaps I am mistaken in supposing that +even my death could, for more than a moment.--This is what you call +magnanimity--It is happy for yourself, that you possess this quality in +the highest degree. + +Your continually asserting, that you will do all in your power to +contribute to my comfort (when you only allude to pecuniary assistance), +appears to me a flagrant breach of delicacy.--I want not such vulgar +comfort, nor will I accept it. I never wanted but your heart--That gone, +you have nothing more to give. Had I only poverty to fear, I should not +shrink from life.--Forgive me then, if I say, that I shall consider any +direct or indirect attempt to supply my necessities, as an insult which I +have not merited--and as rather done out of tenderness for your own +reputation, than for me. Do not mistake me; I do not think that you value +money (therefore I will not accept what you do not care for) though I do +much less, because certain privations are not painful to me. When I am +dead, respect for yourself will make you take care of the child. + +I write with difficulty--probably I shall never write to you +again.--Adieu! + +God bless you! + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER LXXI. + +Monday Morning. + +I AM compelled at last to say that you treat me ungenerously. I agree +with you, that-- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- + +But let the obliquity now fall on me.--I fear neither poverty nor infamy. +I am unequal to the task of writing--and explanations are not necessary.-- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +My child may have to blush for her mother's want of prudence--and may +lament that the rectitude of my heart made me above vulgar precautions; +but she shall not despise me for meanness.--You are now perfectly +free.--God bless you. + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER LXXIII. + +Saturday Night. + +I HAVE been hurt by indirect enquiries, which appear to me not to be +dictated by any tenderness to me.--You ask "If I am well or +tranquil?"--They who think me so, must want a heart to estimate my +feelings by.--I chuse then to be the organ of my own sentiments. + +I must tell you, that I am very much mortified by your continually +offering me pecuniary assistance--and, considering your going to the new +house, as an open avowal that you abandon me, let me tell you that I +will sooner perish than receive any thing from you--and I say this at the +moment when I am disappointed in my first attempt to obtain a temporary +supply. But this even pleases me; an accumulation of disappointments and +misfortunes seems to suit the habit of my mind.-- + +Have but a little patience, and I will remove myself where it will not be +necessary for you to talk--of course, not to think of me. But let me see, +written by yourself--for I will not receive it through any other +medium--that the affair is finished.--It is an insult to me to suppose, +that I can be reconciled, or recover my spirits; but, if you hear nothing +of me, it will be the same thing to you. + +* * * * + +Even your seeing me, has been to oblige other people, and not to sooth my +distracted mind. + + * * * * * + +LETTER LXXIV. + +Thursday Afternoon. + +MR. ------ having forgot to desire you to send the things of mine which +were left at the house, I have to request you to let ------ bring them +onto ------. + +I shall go this evening to the lodging; so you need not be restrained +from coming here to transact your business.--And, whatever I may think, +and feel--you need not fear that I shall publicly complain--No! If I +have any criterion to judge of right and wrong, I have been most +ungenerously treated: but, wishing now only to hide myself, I shall be +silent as the grave in which I long to forget myself. I shall protect and +provide for my child.--I only mean by this to say, that you having +nothing to fear from my desperation. + +Farewel. + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER LXXV. + +London, November 27. + + +THE letter, without an address, which you put up with the letters you +returned, did not meet my eyes till just now.--I had thrown the letters +aside--I did not wish to look over a register of sorrow. + +My not having seen it, will account for my having written to you with +anger--under the impression your departure, without even a line left for +me, made on me, even after your late conduct, which could not lead me to +expect much attention to my sufferings. + +In fact, "the decided conduct, which appeared to me so unfeeling," has +almost overturned my reason; my mind is injured--I scarcely know where I +am, or what I do.--The grief I cannot conquer (for some cruel +recollections never quit me, banishing almost every other) I labour to +conceal in total solitude.--My life therefore is but an exercise of +fortitude, continually on the stretch--and hope never gleams in this +tomb, where I am buried alive. + +But I meant to reason with you, and not to complain.--You tell me, "that +I shall judge more coolly of your mode of acting, some time hence." But +is it not possible that _passion_ clouds your reason, as much as it does +mine?--and ought you not to doubt, whether those principles are so +"exalted," as you term them, which only lead to your own gratification? +In other words, whether it be just to have no principle of action, but +that of following your inclination, trampling on the affection you have +fostered, and the expectations you have excited? + +My affection for you is rooted in my heart.--I know you are not what you +now seem--nor will you always act, or feel, as you now do, though I may +never be comforted by the change.--Even at Paris, my image will haunt +you.--You will see my pale face--and sometimes the tears of anguish will +drop on your heart, which you have forced from mine. + +I cannot write. I thought I could quickly have refuted all your +_ingenious_ arguments; but my head is confused.--Right or wrong, I am +miserable! + +It seems to me, that my conduct has always been governed by the strictest +principles of justice and truth.--Yet, how wretched have my social +feelings, and delicacy of sentiment rendered me!--I have loved with my +whole soul, only to discover that I had no chance of a return--and that +existence is a burthen without it. + +I do not perfectly understand you.--If, by the offer of your friendship, +you still only mean pecuniary support--I must again reject it.--Trifling +are the ills of poverty in the scale of my misfortunes.--God bless you! + +* * * * + +I have been treated ungenerously--if I understand what is +generosity.----You seem to me only to have been anxious to shake me +off--regardless whether you dashed me to atoms by the fall.--In truth I +have been rudely handled. _Do you judge coolly_, and I trust you will +not continue to call those capricious feelings "the most refined," which +would undermine not only the most sacred principles, but the affections +which unite mankind.----You would render mothers unnatural--and there +would be no such thing as a father!--If your theory of morals is the most +"exalted," it is certainly the most easy.--It does not require much +magnanimity, to determine to please ourselves for the moment, let others +suffer what they will! + +Excuse me for again tormenting you, my heart thirsts for justice from +you--and whilst I recollect that you approved Miss ------'s conduct--I am +convinced you will not always justify your own. + +Beware of the deceptions of passion! It will not always banish from your +mind, that you have acted ignobly--and condescended to subterfuge to +gloss over the conduct you could not excuse.--Do truth and principle +require such sacrifices? + + * * * * * + +LETTER LXXVI. + +London, December 8. + +HAVING just been informed that ------ is to return immediately to Paris, +I would not miss a sure opportunity of writing, because I am not certain +that my last, by Dover has reached you. + +Resentment, and even anger, are momentary emotions with me--and I wished +to tell you so, that if you ever think of me, it may not be in the light +of an enemy. + +That I have not been used _well_ I must ever feel; perhaps, not always +with the keen anguish I do at present--for I began even now to write +calmly, and I cannot restrain my tears. + +I am stunned!--Your late conduct still appears to me a frightful +dream.--Ah! ask yourself if you have not condescended to employ a little +address, I could almost say cunning, unworthy of you?--Principles are +sacred things--and we never play with truth, with impunity. + +The expectation (I have too fondly nourished it) of regaining your +affection, every day grows fainter and fainter.--Indeed, it seems to me, +when I am more sad than usual, that I shall never see you more.--Yet you +will not always forget me.--You will feel something like remorse, for +having lived only for yourself--and sacrificed my peace to inferior +gratifications. In a comfortless old age, you will remember that you had +one disinterested friend, whose heart you wounded to the quick. The hour +of recollection will come--and you will not be satisfied to act the part +of a boy, till you fall into that of a dotard. I know that your mind, +your heart, and your principles of action, are all superior to your +present conduct. You do, you must, respect me--and you will be sorry to +forfeit my esteem. + +You know best whether I am still preserving the remembrance of an +imaginary being.--I once thought that I knew you thoroughly--but now I am +obliged to leave some doubts that involuntarily press on me, to be +cleared up by time. + +You may render me unhappy; but cannot make me contemptible in my own +eyes.--I shall still be able to support my child, though I am +disappointed in some other plans of usefulness, which I once believed +would have afforded you equal pleasure. + +Whilst I was with you, I restrained my natural generosity, because I +thought your property in jeopardy.--When I went to --------, I requested +you, _if you could conveniently_, not to forget my father, sisters, and +some other people, whom I was interested about.--Money was lavished away, +yet not only my requests were neglected, but some trifling debts were not +discharged, that now come on me.--Was this friendship--or generosity? +Will you not grant you have forgotten yourself? Still I have an +affection for you.--God bless you. + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER LXXVII. + +AS the parting from you for ever is the most serious event of my life, I +will once expostulate with you, and call not the language of truth and +feeling ingenuity! + +I know the soundness of your understanding--and know that it is +impossible for you always to confound the caprices of every wayward +inclination with the manly dictates of principle. + +You tell me "that I torment you."--Why do I?----Because you cannot +estrange your heart entirely from me--and you feel that justice is on my +side. You urge, "that your conduct was unequivocal."--It was not.--When +your coolness has hurt me, with what tenderness have you endeavoured to +remove the impression!--and even before I returned to England, you took +great pains to convince me, that all my uneasiness was occasioned by the +effect of a worn-out constitution--and you concluded your letter with +these words, "Business alone has kept me from you.--Come to any port, and +I will fly down to my two dear girls with a heart all their own." + +With these assurances, is it extraordinary that I should believe what I +wished? I might--and did think that you had a struggle with old +propensities; but I still thought that I and virtue should at last +prevail. I still thought that you had a magnanimity of character, which +would enable you to conquer yourself. + +--------, believe me, it is not romance, you have acknowledged to me +feelings of this kind.--You could restore me to life and hope, and the +satisfaction you would feel, would amply repay you. + +In tearing myself from you, it is my own heart I pierce--and the time +will come, when you will lament that you have thrown away a heart, that, +even in the moment of passion, you cannot despise.--I would owe every +thing to your generosity--but, for God's sake, keep me no longer in +suspense!--Let me see you once more!-- + + * * * * * + +LETTER LXXVIII. + +YOU must do as you please with respect to the child.--I could wish that +it might be done soon, that my name may be no more mentioned to you. It +is now finished.--Convinced that you have neither regard nor friendship, +I disdain to utter a reproach, though I have had reason to think, that +the "forbearance" talked of, has not been very delicate.--It is however +of no consequence.--I am glad you are satisfied with your own conduct. + +I now solemnly assure you, that this is an eternal farewel.--Yet I flinch +not from the duties which tie me to life. + +That there is "sophistry" on one side or other, is certain; but now it +matters not on which. On my part it has not been a question of words. Yet +your understanding or mine must be strangely warped--for what you term +"delicacy," appears to me to be exactly the contrary. I have no criterion +for morality, and have thought in vain, if the sensations which lead you +to follow an ancle or step, be the sacred foundation of principle and +affection. Mine has been of a very different nature, or it would not have +stood the brunt of your sarcasms. + +The sentiment in me is still sacred. If there be any part of me that will +survive the sense of my misfortunes, it is the purity of my affections. +The impetuosity of your senses, may have led you to term mere animal +desire, the source of principle; and it may give zest to some years to +come.--Whether you will always think so, I shall never know. + +It is strange that, in spite of all you do, something like conviction +forces me to believe, that you are not what you appear to be. + +I part with you in peace. + + * * * * * + + + + +LETTER +ON THE +PRESENT CHARACTER +OF THE +FRENCH NATION. + + +LETTER + +_Introductory to a Series of Letters on the Present Character of the +French Nation._ + + +Paris, February 15, 1793. + +My dear friend, + +IT is necessary perhaps for an observer of mankind, to guard as carefully +the remembrance of the first impression made by a nation, as by a +countenance; because we imperceptibly lose sight of the national +character, when we become more intimate with individuals. It is not then +useless or presumptuous to note, that, when I first entered Paris, the +striking contrast of riches and poverty, elegance and slovenliness, +urbanity and deceit, every where caught my eye, and saddened my soul; and +these impressions are still the foundation of my remarks on the manners, +which flatter the senses, more than they interest the heart, and yet +excite more interest than esteem. + +The whole mode of life here tends indeed to render the people frivolous, +and, to borrow their favourite epithet, amiable. Ever on the wing, they +are always sipping the sparkling joy on the brim of the cup, leaving +satiety in the bottom for those who venture to drink deep. On all sides +they trip along, buoyed up by animal spirits, and seemingly so void of +care, that often, when I am walking on the _Boulevards_, it occurs to me, +that they alone understand the full import of the term leisure; and they +trifle their time away with such an air of contentment, I know not how to +wish them wiser at the expence of their gaiety. They play before me like +motes in a sunbeam, enjoying the passing ray; whilst an English head, +searching for more solid happiness, loses, in the analysis of pleasure, +the volatile sweets of the moment. Their chief enjoyment, it is true, +rises from vanity: but it is not the vanity that engenders vexation of +spirit; on the contrary, it lightens the heavy burthen of life, which +reason too often weighs, merely to shift from one shoulder to the other. + +Investigating the modification of the passion, as I would analyze the +elements that give a form to dead matter, I shall attempt to trace to +their source the causes which have combined to render this nation the +most polished, in a physical sense, and probably the most superficial in +the world; and I mean to follow the windings of the various streams that +disembogue into a terrific gulf, in which all the dignity of our nature +is absorbed. For every thing has conspired to make the French the most +sensual people in the world; and what can render the heart so hard, or so +effectually stifle every moral emotion, as the refinements of sensuality? + +The frequent repetition of the word French, appears invidious; let me +then make a previous observation, which I beg you not to lose sight of, +when I speak rather harshly of a land flowing with milk and honey. +Remember that it is not the morals of a particular people that I would +decry; for are we not all of the same stock? But I wish calmly to +consider the stage of civilization in which I find the French, and, +giving a sketch of their character, and unfolding the circumstances which +have produced its identity, I shall endeavour to throw some light on the +history of man, and on the present important subjects of discussion. + +I would I could first inform you that, out of the chaos of vices and +follies, prejudices and virtues, rudely jumbled together, I saw the fair +form of Liberty slowly rising, and Virtue expanding her wings to shelter +all her children! I should then hear the account of the barbarities that +have rent the bosom of France patiently, and bless the firm hand that +lopt off the rotten limbs. But, if the aristocracy of birth is levelled +with the ground, only to make room for that of riches, I am afraid that +the morals of the people will not be much improved by the change, or the +government rendered less venal. Still it is not just to dwell on the +misery produced by the present struggle, without adverting to the +standing evils of the old system. I am grieved--sorely grieved--when I +think of the blood that has stained the cause of freedom at Paris; but I +also hear the same live stream cry aloud from the highways, through which +the retreating armies passed with famine and death in their rear, and I +hide my face with awe before the inscrutable ways of providence, sweeping +in such various directions the besom of destruction over the sons of men. + +Before I came to France, I cherished, you know, an opinion, that strong +virtues might exist with the polished manners produced by the progress +of civilization; and I even anticipated the epoch, when, in the course of +improvement, men would labour to become virtuous, without being goaded on +by misery. But now, the perspective of the golden age, fading before the +attentive eye of observation, almost eludes my sight; and, losing thus in +part my theory of a more perfect state, start not, my friend, if I bring +forward an opinion, which at the first glance seems to be levelled +against the existence of God! I am not become an Atheist, I assure you, +by residing at Paris: yet I begin to fear that vice, or, if you will, +evil, is the grand mobile of action, and that, when the passions are +justly poized, we become harmless, and in the same proportion useless. + +The wants of reason are very few; and, were we to consider +dispassionately the real value of most things, we should probably rest +satisfied with the simple gratification of our physical necessities, and +be content with negative goodness: for it is frequently, only that +wanton, the Imagination, with her artful coquetry, who lures us forward, +and makes us run over a rough road, pushing aside every obstacle merely +to catch a disappointment. + +The desire also of being useful to others, is continually damped by +experience; and, if the exertions of humanity were not in some measure +their own reward, who would endure misery, or struggle with care, to make +some people ungrateful, and others idle? + +You will call these melancholy effusions, and guess that, fatigued by +the vivacity, which has all the bustling folly of childhood, without the +innocence which renders ignorance charming, I am too severe in my +strictures. It may be so; and I am aware that the good effects of the +revolution will be last felt at Paris; where surely the soul of Epicurus +has long been at work to root out the simple emotions of the heart, +which, being natural, are always moral. Rendered cold and artificial by +the selfish enjoyments of the senses, which the government fostered, is +it surprising that simplicity of manners, and singleness of heart, rarely +appear, to recreate me with the wild odour of nature, so passing sweet? + +Seeing how deep the fibres of mischief have shot, I sometimes ask, with a +doubting accent, Whether a nation can go back to the purity of manners +which has hitherto been maintained unsullied only by the keen air of +poverty, when, emasculated by pleasure, the luxuries of prosperity are +become the wants of nature? I cannot yet give up the hope, that a fairer +day is dawning on Europe, though I must hesitatingly observe, that little +is to be expected from the narrow principle of commerce which seems every +where to be shoving aside _the point of honour_ of the _noblesse_. I can +look beyond the evils of the moment, and do not expect muddied water to +become clear before it has had time to stand; yet, even for the moment, +it is the most terrific of all sights, to see men vicious without +warmth--to see the order that should be the superscription of virtue, +cultivated to give security to crimes which only thoughtlessness could +palliate. Disorder is, in fact, the very essence of vice, though with the +wild wishes of a corrupt fancy humane emotions often kindly mix to soften +their atrocity. Thus humanity, generosity, and even self-denial, +sometimes render a character grand, and even useful, when hurried away by +lawless passions; but what can equal the turpitude of a cold calculator +who lives for himself alone, and considering his fellow-creatures merely +as machines of pleasure, never forgets that honesty is the best policy? +Keeping ever within the pale of the law, he crushes his thousands with +impunity; but it is with that degree of management, which makes him, to +borrow a significant vulgarism, a villain _in grain_. The very excess of +his depravation preserves him, whilst the more respectable beast of prey, +who prowls about like the lion, and roars to announce his approach, +falls into a snare. + +You may think it too soon to form an opinion of the future government, +yet it is impossible to avoid hazarding some conjectures, when every +thing whispers me, that names, not principles, are changed, and when I +see that the turn of the tide has left the dregs of the old system to +corrupt the new. For the same pride of office, the same desire of power +are still visible; with this aggravation, that, fearing to return to +obscurity after having but just acquired a relish for distinction, each +hero, or philosopher, for all are dubbed with these new titles, +endeavours to make hay while the sun shines; and every petty municipal +officer, become the idol, or rather the tyrant of the day, stalks like a +cock on a dunghil. + +I shall now conclude this desultory letter; which however will enable you +to foresee that I shall treat more of morals than manners. + +Yours ------ + + * * * * * + + + + +FRAGMENT +OF +LETTERS +ON THE +MANAGEMENT OF INFANTS. + + +CONTENTS. + + +Introductory Letter. +LETTER II. Management of the Mother during pregnancy: bathing. +LETTER III. Lying-in. +LETTER IV. The first month: diet: clothing. +LETTER V. The three following months. +LETTER VI. The remainder of the first year. +LETTER VII. The second year, &c: conclusion. + + +LETTERS ON THE MANAGEMENT OF INFANTS. + + * * * * * + +LETTER I. + +I OUGHT to apologize for not having written to you on the subject you +mentioned; but, to tell you the truth, it grew upon me: and, instead of +an answer, I have begun a series of letters on the management of children +in their infancy. Replying then to your question, I have the public in +my thoughts, and shall endeavour to show what modes appear to me +necessary, to render the infancy of children more healthy and happy. I +have long thought, that the cause which renders children as hard to rear +as the most fragile plant, is our deviation from simplicity. I know that +some able physicians have recommended the method I have pursued, and I +mean to point out the good effects I have observed in practice. I am +aware that many matrons will exclaim against me, and dwell on the number +of children they have brought up, as their mothers did before them, +without troubling themselves with new-fangled notions; yet, though, in my +uncle Toby's words, they should attempt to silence me, by "wishing I had +seen their large" families, I must suppose, while a third part of the +human species, according to the most accurate calculation, die during +their infancy, just at the threshold of life, that there is some error in +the modes adopted by mothers and nurses, which counteracts their own +endeavours. I may be mistaken in some particulars; for general rules, +founded on the soundest reason, demand individual modification; but, if I +can persuade any of the rising generation to exercise their reason on +this head, I am content. My advice will probably be found most useful to +mothers in the middle class; and it is from them that the lower +imperceptibly gains improvement. Custom, produced by reason in one, may +safely be the effect of imitation in the other.-- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- + + + + +LETTERS +TO +Mr. JOHNSON, +_BOOKSELLER_, +IN +ST. PAUL'S CHURCH-YARD. + + +LETTERS +TO +Mr. JOHNSON. + + * * * * * + + +LETTER I. + +Dublin, April 14, [1787.] + +Dear sir, + +I AM still an invalid--and begin to believe that I ought never to expect +to enjoy health. My mind preys on my body--and, when I endeavour to be +useful, I grow too much interested for my own peace. Confined almost +entirely to the society of children, I am anxiously solicitous for their +future welfare, and mortified beyond measure, when counteracted in my +endeavours to improve them.--I feel all a mother's fears for the swarm of +little ones which surround me, and observe disorders, without having +power to apply the proper remedies. How can I be reconciled to life, when +it is always a painful warfare, and when I am deprived of all the +pleasures I relish?--I allude to rational conversations, and domestic +affections. Here, alone, a poor solitary individual in a strange land, +tied to one spot, and subject to the caprice of another, can I be +contented? I am desirous to convince you that I have _some_ cause for +sorrow--and am not without reason detached from life. I shall hope to +hear that you are well, and am yours sincerely + +MARY WOLLSTONECRAFT. + + * * * * * + +LETTER II. + +Henley, Thursday, Sept 13. + +My dear sir, + +SINCE I saw you, I have, literally speaking, _enjoyed_ solitude. My +sister could not accompany me in my rambles; I therefore wandered alone, +by the side of the Thames, and in the neighbouring beautiful fields and +pleasure grounds: the prospects were of such a placid kind, I _caught_ +tranquillity while I surveyed them--my mind was _still_, though active. +Were I to give you an account how I have spent my time, you would +smile.--I found an old French bible here, and amused myself with +comparing it with our English translation; then I would listen to the +falling leaves, or observe the various tints the autumn gave to them--At +other times, the singing of a robin, or the noise of a water-mill, +engaged my attention--partial attention--, for I was, at the same time +perhaps discussing some knotty point, or straying from this _tiny_ world +to new systems. After these excursions, I returned to the family meals, +told the children stories (they think me _vastly_ agreeable), and my +sister was amused.--Well, will you allow me to call this way of passing +my days pleasant? + +I was just going to mend my pen; but I believe it will enable me to say +all I have to add to this epistle. Have you yet heard of an habitation +for me? I often think of my new plan of life; and, lest my sister should +try to prevail on me to alter it, I have avoided mentioning it to her. I +am determined!--Your sex generally laugh at female determinations; but +let me tell you, I never yet resolved to do, any thing of consequence, +that I did not adhere resolutely to it, till I had accomplished my +purpose, improbable as it might have appeared to a more timid mind. In +the course of near nine-and-twenty years, I have gathered some +experience, and felt many _severe_ disappointments--and what is the +amount? I long for a little peace and _independence_! Every obligation we +receive from our fellow-creatures is a new shackle, takes from our native +freedom, and debases the mind, makes us mere earthworms--I am not fond of +grovelling! + +I am, sir, yours, &c. + +MARY WOLLSTONECRAFT. + + * * * * * + +LETTER III. + +Market Harborough, Sept. 20. + +My dear sir, + +YOU left me with three opulent tradesmen; their conversation was not +calculated to beguile the way, when the sable curtain concealed the +beauties of nature. I listened to the tricks of trade--and shrunk away, +without wishing to grow rich; even the novelty of the subjects did not +render them pleasing; fond as I am of tracing the passions in all their +different forms--I was not surprised by any glimpse of the sublime, or +beautiful--though one of them imagined I would be a useful partner in a +good _firm_. I was very much fatigued, and have scarcely recovered +myself. I do not expect to enjoy the same tranquil pleasures Henley +afforded: I meet with new objects to employ my mind; but many painful +emotions are complicated with the reflections they give rise to. + +I do not intend to enter on the _old_ topic, yet hope to hear from +you--and am yours, &c. + +MARY WOLLSTONECRAFT. + + * * * * * + +LETTER IV. + +Friday Night. + +My dear sir, + +THOUGH your remarks are generally judicious--I cannot _now_ concur with +you, I mean with respect to the preface[67-A], and have not altered it. +I hate the usual smooth way of exhibiting proud humility. A general rule +_only_ extends to the majority--and, believe me, the few judicious +parents who may peruse my book, will not feel themselves hurt--and the +weak are too vain to mind what is said in a book intended for children. + +I return you the Italian MS.--but do not hastily imagine that I am +indolent. I would not spare any labour to do my duty--and, after the most +laborious day, that single thought would solace me more than any +pleasures the senses could enjoy. I find I could not translate the MS. +well. If it was not a MS, I should not be so easily intimidated; but the +hand, and errors in orthography, or abbreviations, are a stumbling-block +at the first setting out.--I cannot bear to do any thing I cannot do +well--and I should lose time in the vain attempt. + +I had, the other day, the satisfaction of again receiving a letter from +my poor, dear Margaret[69-A].--With all a mother's fondness I could +transcribe a part of it--She says, every day her affection to me, and +dependence on heaven increase, &c.--I miss her innocent caresses--and +sometimes indulge a pleasing hope, that she may be allowed to cheer my +childless age--if I am to live to be old.--At any rate, I may hear of the +virtues I may not contemplate--and my reason may permit me to love a +female.--I now allude to ------. I have received another letter from her, +and her childish complaints vex me--indeed they do--As usual, good-night. + +MARY. + +If parents attended to their children, I would not have written the +stories; for, what are books--compared to conversations which affection +inforces!-- + + * * * * * + +LETTER V. + +My dear sir, + +REMEMBER you are to settle _my account_, as I want to know how much I am +in your debt--but do not suppose that I feel any uneasiness on that +score. The generality of people in trade would not be much obliged to me +for a like civility, _but you were a man_ before you were a +bookseller--so I am your sincere friend, + +MARY. + + * * * * * + +LETTER VI. + +Friday Morning. + +I AM sick with vexation--and wish I could knock my foolish head against +the wall, that bodily pain might make me feel less anguish from +self-reproach! To say the truth, I was never more displeased with myself, +and I will tell you the cause.--You may recollect that I did not mention +to you the circumstance of ------ having a fortune left to him; nor did a +hint of it drop from me when I conversed with my sister; because I knew +he had a sufficient motive for concealing it. Last Sunday, when his +character was aspersed, as I thought, unjustly, in the heat of +vindication I informed ****** that he was now independent; but, at the +same time, desired him not to repeat my information to B----; yet, last +Tuesday, he told him all--and the boy at B----'s gave Mrs. ------ an +account of it. As Mr. ------ knew he had only made a confident of me (I +blush to think of it!) he guessed the channel of intelligence, and this +morning came (not to reproach me, I wish he had!) but to point out the +injury I have done him.--Let what will be the consequence, I will +reimburse him, if I deny myself the necessaries of life--and even then my +folly will sting me.--Perhaps you can scarcely conceive the misery I at +this moment endure--that I, whose power of doing good is so limited, +should do harm, galls my very soul. ****** may laugh at these +qualms--but, supposing Mr. ------ to be unworthy, I am not the less to +blame. Surely it is hell to despise one's self!--I did not want this +additional vexation--at this time I have many that hang heavily on my +spirits. I shall not call on you this month--nor stir out.--My stomach +has been so suddenly and violently affected, I am unable to lean over the +desk. + +MARY WOLLSTONECRAFT. + + * * * * * + +LETTER VII. + +AS I am become a reviewer, I think it right, in the way of business, to +consider the subject. You have alarmed the editor of the Critical, as the +advertisement prefixed to the Appendix plainly shows. The Critical +appears to me to be a timid, mean production, and its success is a +reflection on the taste and judgment of the public; but, as a body, who +ever gave it credit for much? The voice of the people is only the voice +of truth, when some man of abilities has had time to get fast hold of the +GREAT NOSE of the monster. Of course, local fame is generally a clamour, +and dies away. The Appendix to the Monthly afforded me more amusement, +though every article almost wants energy and a _cant_ of virtue and +liberality is strewed over it; always tame, and eager to pay court to +established fame. The account of Necker is one unvaried tone of +admiration. Surely men were born only to provide for the sustenance of +the body by enfeebling the mind! + +MARY. + + * * * * * + +LETTER VIII. + +YOU made me very low-spirited last night, by your manner of talking.--You +are my only friend--the only person I am _intimate_ with.--I never had a +father, or a brother--you have been both to me, ever since I knew +you--yet I have sometimes been very petulant.--I have been thinking of +those instances of ill-humour and quickness, and they appeared like +crimes. + +Yours sincerely + +MARY. + + * * * * * + +LETTER IX. + +Saturday Night. + +I AM a mere animal, and instinctive emotions too often silence the +suggestions of reason. Your note--I can scarcely tell why, hurt me--and +produced a kind of winterly smile, which diffuses a beam of despondent +tranquillity over the features. I have been very ill--Heaven knows it was +more than fancy--After some sleepless, wearisome nights, towards the +morning I have grown delirious.--Last Thursday, in particular, I imagined +------ was thrown into great distress by his folly; and I, unable to +assist him, was in an agony. My nerves were in such a painful state of +irritation--I suffered more than I can express--Society was +necessary--and might have diverted me till I gained more strength; but I +blushed when I recollected how often I had teazed you with childish +complaints, and the reveries of a disordered imagination. I even +_imagined_ that I intruded on you, because you never called on me--though +you perceived that I was not well.--I have nourished a sickly kind of +delicacy, which gives me many unnecessary pangs.--I acknowledge that life +is but a jest--and often a frightful dream--yet catch myself every day +searching for something serious--and feel real misery from the +disappointment. I am a strange compound of weakness and resolution! +However, if I must suffer, I will endeavour to suffer in silence. There +is certainly a great defect in my mind--my wayward heart creates its own +misery--Why I am made thus I cannot tell; and, till I can form some idea +of the whole of my existence, I must be content to weep and dance like a +child--long for a toy, and be tired of it as soon as I get it. + +We must each of us wear a fool's cap; but mine, alas! has lost its bells, +and is grown so heavy, I find it intolerably troublesome.----Good-night! +I have been pursuing a number of strange thoughts since I began to write, +and have actually both wept and laughed immoderately--Surely I am a +fool-- + +MARY W. + + * * * * * + +LETTER X. + +Monday Morning. + +I REALLY want a German grammar, as I intend to attempt to learn that +language--and I will tell you the reason why.--While I live, I am +persuaded, I must exert my understanding to procure an independence, and +render myself useful. To make the task easier, I ought to store my mind +with knowledge--The seed time is passing away. I see the necessity of +labouring now--and of that necessity I do not complain; on the contrary, +I am thankful that I have more than common incentives to pursue +knowledge, and draw my pleasures from the employments that are within my +reach. You perceive this is not a gloomy day--I feel at this moment +particularly grateful to you--without your humane and _delicate_ +assistance, how many obstacles should I not have had to encounter--too +often should I have been out of patience with my fellow-creatures, whom I +wish to love!--Allow me to love you, my dear sir, and call friend a being +I respect.--Adieu! + +MARY W. + + * * * * * + +LETTER XI. + +I THOUGHT you _very_ unkind, nay, very unfeeling, last night. My cares +and vexations--I will say what I allow myself to think--do me honour, as +they arise from my disinterestedness and _unbending_ principles; nor can +that mode of conduct be a reflection on my understanding, which enables +me to bear misery, rather than selfishly live for myself alone. I am not +the only character deserving of respect, that has had to struggle with +various sorrows--while inferior minds have enjoyed local fame and present +comfort.--Dr. Johnson's cares almost drove him mad--but, I suppose, you +would quietly have told him, he was a fool for not being calm, and that +wise men striving against the stream, can yet be in good humour. I have +done with insensible human wisdom,--"indifference cold in wisdom's +guise,"--and turn to the source of perfection--who perhaps never +disregarded an almost broken heart, especially when a respect, a +practical respect, for virtue, sharpened the wounds of adversity. I am +ill--I stayed in bed this morning till eleven o'clock, only thinking of +getting money to extricate myself out of some of my difficulties--The +struggle is now over. I will condescend to try to obtain some in a +disagreeable way. + +Mr. ------ called on me just now--pray did you know his motive for +calling[82-A]?--I think him impertinently officious.--He had left the +house before it occurred to me in the strong light it does now, or I +should have told him so--My poverty makes me proud--I will not be +insulted by a superficial puppy.--His intimacy with Miss ------ gave him +a privilege, which he should not have assumed with me--a proposal might +be made to his cousin, a milliner's girl, which should not have been +mentioned to me. Pray tell him that I am offended--and do not wish to see +him again!--When I meet him at your house, I shall leave the room, since +I cannot pull him by the nose. I can force my spirit to leave my +body--but it shall never bend to support that body--God of heaven, save +thy child from this living death!--I scarcely know what I write. My hand +trembles--I am very sick--sick at heart.---- + +MARY. + + * * * * * + +LETTER XII. + +Tuesday Evening. + +Sir, + +WHEN you left me this morning, and I reflected a moment--your _officious_ +message, which at first appeared to me a joke--looked so very like an +insult--I cannot forget it--To prevent then the necessity of forcing a +smile--when I chance to meet you--I take the earliest opportunity of +informing you of my real sentiments. + +MARY WOLLSTONECRAFT. + + * * * * * + +LETTER XIII. + +Wednesday, 3 o'clock. + +Sir, + +IT is inexpressibly disagreeable to me to be obliged to enter again on a +subject, that has already raised a tumult of _indignant_ emotions in my +bosom, which I was labouring to suppress when I received your letter. I +shall now _condescend_ to answer your epistle; but let me first tell you, +that, in my _unprotected_ situation, I make a point of never forgiving a +_deliberate insult_--and in that light I consider your late officious +conduct. It is not according to my nature to mince matters--I will then +tell you in plain terms, what I think. I have ever considered you in the +light of a _civil_ acquaintance--on the word friend I lay a peculiar +emphasis--and, as a mere acquaintance, you were rude and _cruel_, to step +forward to insult a woman, whose conduct and misfortunes demand respect. +If my friend, Mr. Johnson, had made the proposal--I should have been +severely hurt--have thought him unkind and unfeeling, but not +_impertinent_.--The privilege of intimacy you had no claim to--and should +have referred the man to myself--if you had not sufficient discernment to +quash it at once. I am, sir, poor and destitute.--Yet I have a spirit +that will never bend, or take indirect methods, to obtain the consequence +I despise; nay, if to support life it was necessary to act contrary to my +principles, the struggle would soon be over. I can bear any thing but my +own contempt. + +In a few words, what I call an insult, is the bare supposition that I +could for a moment think of _prostituting_ my person for a maintenance; +for in that point of view does such a marriage appear to me, who consider +right and wrong in the abstract, and never by words and local opinions +shield myself from the reproaches of my own heart and understanding. + +It is needless to say more--Only you must excuse me when I add, that I +wish never to see, but as a perfect stranger, a person who could so +grossly mistake my character. An apology is not necessary--if you were +inclined to make one--nor any further expostulations.--I again repeat, I +cannot overlook an affront; few indeed have sufficient delicacy to +respect poverty, even where it gives lustre to a character--and I tell +you sir, I am POOR--yet can live without your benevolent exertions. + +MARY WOLLSTONECRAFT. + + * * * * * + +LETTER XIV. + +I SEND you _all_ the books I had to review except Dr. J--'s Sermons, +which I have begun. If you wish me to look over any more trash this +month--you must send it directly. I have been so low-spirited since I saw +you--I was quite glad, last night, to feel myself affected by some +passages in Dr. J--'s sermon on the death of his wife--I seemed +(suddenly) to _find_ my _soul_ again--It has been for some time I cannot +tell where. Send me the Speaker--and _Mary_, I want one--and I shall soon +want some paper--you may as well send it at the same time--for I am +trying to brace my nerves that I may be industrious.--I am afraid reason +is not a good bracer--for I have been reasoning a long time with my +untoward spirits--and yet my hand trembles.--I could finish a period very +_prettily_ now, by saying that it ought to be steady when I add that I am +yours sincerely, + +MARY. + +If you do not like the manner in which I reviewed Dr. J--'s s---- on his +wife, be it known unto you--I _will_ not do it any other way--I felt some +pleasure in paying a just tribute of respect to the memory of a +man--who, spite of his faults, I have an affection for--I say _have_, for +I believe he is somewhere--_where_ my soul has been gadding perhaps;--but +_you_ do not live on conjectures. + + * * * * * + +LETTER XV. + +MY dear sir, I send you a chapter which I am pleased with, now I see it +in one point of view--and, as I have made free with the author, I hope +you will not have often to say--what does this mean? + +You forgot you were to make out my account--I am, of course, over head +and ears in debt; but I have not that kind of pride, which makes some +dislike to be obliged to those they respect.--On the contrary, when I +involuntarily lament that I have not a father or brother, I thankfully +recollect that I have received unexpected kindness from you and a few +others.--So reason allows, what nature impels me to--for I cannot live +without loving my fellow-creatures--nor can I love them, without +discovering some virtue. + +MARY. + + * * * * * + +LETTER XVI. + +Paris, December 26, 1792. + +I SHOULD immediately on the receipt of your letter, my dear friend, have +thanked you for your punctuality, for it highly gratified me, had I not +wished to wait till I could tell you that this day was not stained with +blood. Indeed the prudent precautions taken by the National Convention to +prevent a tumult, made me suppose that the dogs of faction would not dare +to bark, much less to bite, however true to their scent; and I was not +mistaken; for the citizens, who were all called out, are returning home +with composed countenances, shouldering their arms. About nine o'clock +this morning, the king passed by my window, moving silently along +(excepting now and then a few strokes on the drum, which rendered the +stillness more awful) through empty streets, surrounded by the national +guards, who, clustering round the carriage, seemed to deserve their name. +The inhabitants flocked to their windows, but the casements were all +shut, not a voice was heard, nor did I see any thing like an insulting +gesture.--For the first time since I entered France, I bowed to the +majesty of the people, and respected the propriety of behaviour so +perfectly in unison with my own feelings. I can scarcely tell you why, +but an association of ideas made the tears flow insensibly from my eyes, +when I saw Louis sitting, with more dignity than I expected from his +character, in a hackney coach, going to meet death, where so many of his +race have triumphed. My fancy instantly brought Louis XIV before me, +entering the capital with all his pomp, after one of the victories most +flattering to his pride, only to see the sunshine of prosperity +overshadowed by the sublime gloom of misery. I have been alone ever +since; and, though my mind is calm, I cannot dismiss the lively images +that have filled my imagination all the day.--Nay, do not smile, but pity +me; for, once or twice, lifting my eyes from the paper, I have seen eyes +glare through a glass-door opposite my chair and bloody hands shook at +me. Not the distant sound of a footstep can I hear.--My apartments are +remote from those of the servants, the only persons who sleep with me in +an immense hotel, one folding door opening after another.--I wish I had +even kept the cat with me!--I want to see something alive; death in so +many frightful shapes has taken hold of my fancy.--I am going to +bed--and, for the first time in my life, I cannot put out the candle. + +M. W. + +FOOTNOTES: + +[67-A] To Original Stories. + +[69-A] Countess Mount Cashel. + +[82-A] This alludes to a foolish proposal of marriage for mercenary +considerations, which the gentleman here mentioned thought proper to +recommend to her. The two letters which immediately follow, are addressed +to the gentleman himself. + + + + +EXTRACT + +OF THE + +CAVE OF FANCY. + +A TALE. + + * * * * * + +[_Begun to be written in the year 1787, but never completed_] + + +CAVE OF FANCY. + + + + +CHAP. I. + + +YE who expect constancy where every thing is changing, and peace in the +midst of tumult, attend to the voice of experience, and mark in time the +footsteps of disappointment, or life will be lost in desultory wishes, +and death arrive before the dawn of wisdom. + +In a sequestered valley, surrounded by rocky mountains that intercepted +many of the passing clouds, though sunbeams variegated their ample sides, +lived a sage, to whom nature had unlocked her most hidden secrets. His +hollow eyes, sunk in their orbits, retired from the view of vulgar +objects, and turned inwards, overleaped the boundary prescribed to human +knowledge. Intense thinking during fourscore and ten years, had whitened +the scattered locks on his head, which, like the summit of the distant +mountain, appeared to be bound by an eternal frost. + +On the sandy waste behind the mountains, the track of ferocious beasts +might be traced, and sometimes the mangled limbs which they left, +attracted a hovering flight of birds of prey. An extensive wood the sage +had forced to rear its head in a soil by no means congenial, and the firm +trunks of the trees seemed to frown with defiance on time; though the +spoils of innumerable summers covered the roots, which resembled fangs; +so closely did they cling to the unfriendly sand, where serpents hissed, +and snakes, rolling out their vast folds, inhaled the noxious vapours. +The ravens and owls who inhabited the solitude, gave also a thicker gloom +to the everlasting twilight, and the croaking of the former a monotony, +in unison with the gloom; whilst lions and tygers, shunning even this +faint semblance of day, sought the dark caverns, and at night, when they +shook off sleep, their roaring would make the whole valley resound, +confounded with the screechings of the bird of night. + +One mountain rose sublime, towering above all, on the craggy sides of +which a few sea-weeds grew, washed by the ocean, that with tumultuous +roar rushed to assault, and even undermine, the huge barrier that stopped +its progress; and ever and anon a ponderous mass, loosened from the +cliff, to which it scarcely seemed to adhere, always threatening to fall, +fell into the flood, rebounding as it fell, and the sound was re-echoed +from rock to rock. Look where you would, all was without form, as if +nature, suddenly stopping her hand, had left chaos a retreat. + +Close to the most remote side of it was the sage's abode. It was a rude +hut, formed of stumps of trees and matted twigs, to secure him from the +inclemency of the weather; only through small apertures crossed with +rushes, the wind entered in wild murmurs, modulated by these +obstructions. A clear spring broke out of the middle of the adjacent +rock, which, dropping slowly into a cavity it had hollowed, soon +overflowed, and then ran, struggling to free itself from the cumbrous +fragments, till, become a deep, silent stream, it escaped through reeds, +and roots of trees, whose blasted tops overhung and darkened the current. + +One side of the hut was supported by the rock, and at midnight, when the +sage struck the inclosed part, it yawned wide, and admitted him into a +cavern in the very bowels of the earth, where never human foot before had +trod; and the various spirits, which inhabit the different regions of +nature, were here obedient to his potent word. The cavern had been formed +by the great inundation of waters, when the approach of a comet forced +them from their source; then, when the fountains of the great deep were +broken up, a stream rushed out of the centre of the earth, where the +spirits, who have lived on it, are confined to purify themselves from +the dross contracted in their first stage of existence; and it flowed in +black waves, for ever bubbling along the cave, the extent of which had +never been explored. From the sides and top, water distilled, and, +petrifying as it fell, took fantastic shapes, that soon divided it into +apartments, if so they might be called. In the foam, a wearied spirit +would sometimes rise, to catch the most distant glimpse of light, or +taste the vagrant breeze, which the yawning of the rock admitted, when +Sagestus, for that was the name of the hoary sage, entered. Some, who +were refined and almost cleared from vicious spots, he would allow to +leave, for a limited time, their dark prison-house; and, flying on the +winds across the bleak northern ocean, or rising in an exhalation till +they reached a sun-beam, they thus re-visited the haunts of men. These +were the guardian angels, who in soft whispers restrain the vicious, and +animate the wavering wretch who stands suspended between virtue and vice. + +Sagestus had spent a night in the cavern, as he often did, and he left +the silent vestibule of the grave, just as the sun, emerging from the +ocean, dispersed the clouds, which were not half so dense as those he had +left. All that was human in him rejoiced at the sight of reviving life, +and he viewed with pleasure the mounting sap rising to expand the herbs, +which grew spontaneously in this wild--when, turning his eyes towards the +sea, he found that death had been at work during his absence, and +terrific marks of a furious storm still spread horror around. Though the +day was serene, and threw bright rays on eyes for ever shut, it dawned +not for the wretches who hung pendent on the craggy rocks, or were +stretched lifeless on the sand. Some, struggling, had dug themselves a +grave; others had resigned their breath before the impetuous surge +whirled them on shore. A few, in whom the vital spark was not so soon +dislodged, had clung to loose fragments; it was the grasp of death; +embracing the stone, they stiffened; and the head, no longer erect, +rested on the mass which the arms encircled. It felt not the agonizing +gripe, nor heard the sigh that broke the heart in twain. + +Resting his chin on an oaken club, the sage looked on every side, to see +if he could discern any who yet breathed. He drew nearer, and thought he +saw, at the first glance, the unclosed eyes glare; but soon perceived +that they were a mere glassy substance, mute as the tongue; the jaws were +fallen, and, in some of the tangled locks, hands were clinched; nay, even +the nails had entered sharpened by despair. The blood flew rapidly to his +heart; it was flesh; he felt he was still a man, and the big tear paced +down his iron cheeks, whose muscles had not for a long time been relaxed +by such humane emotions. A moment he breathed quick, then heaved a sigh, +and his wonted calm returned with an unaccustomed glow of tenderness; for +the ways of heaven were not hid from him; he lifted up his eyes to the +common Father of nature, and all was as still in his bosom, as the smooth +deep, after having closed over the huge vessel from which the wretches +had fled. + +Turning round a part of the rock that jutted out, meditating on the ways +of Providence, a weak infantine voice reached his ears; it was lisping +out the name of mother. He looked, and beheld a blooming child leaning +over, and kissing with eager fondness, lips that were insensible to the +warm pressure. Starting at the sight of the sage, she fixed her eyes on +him, "Wake her, ah! wake her," she cried, "or the sea will catch us." +Again he felt compassion, for he saw that the mother slept the sleep of +death. He stretched out his hand, and, smoothing his brow, invited her to +approach; but she still intreated him to wake her mother, whom she +continued to call, with an impatient tremulous voice. To detach her from +the body by persuasion would not have been very easy. Sagestus had a +quicker method to effect his purpose; he took out a box which contained a +soporific powder, and as soon as the fumes reached her brain, the powers +of life were suspended. + +He carried her directly to his hut, and left her sleeping profoundly on +his rushy couch. + + + + +CHAP. II. + + +AGAIN Sagestus approached the dead, to view them with a more scrutinizing +eye. He was perfectly acquainted with the construction of the human body, +knew the traces that virtue or vice leaves on the whole frame; they were +now indelibly fixed by death; nay more, he knew by the shape of the solid +structure, how far the spirit could range, and saw the barrier beyond +which it could not pass: the mazes of fancy he explored, measured the +stretch of thought, and, weighing all in an even balance, could tell whom +nature had stamped an hero, a poet, or philosopher. + +By their appearance, at a transient glance, he knew that the vessel must +have contained many passengers, and that some of them were above the +vulgar, with respect to fortune and education; he then walked leisurely +among the dead, and narrowly observed their pallid features. + +His eye first rested on a form in which proportion reigned, and, stroking +back the hair, a spacious forehead met his view; warm fancy had revelled +there, and her airy dance had left vestiges, scarcely visible to a mortal +eye. Some perpendicular lines pointed out that melancholy had +predominated in his constitution; yet the straggling hairs of his +eye-brows showed that anger had often shook his frame; indeed, the four +temperatures, like the four elements, had resided in this little world, +and produced harmony. The whole visage was bony, and an energetic frown +had knit the flexible skin of his brow; the kingdom within had been +extensive; and the wild creations of fancy had there "a local habitation +and a name." So exquisite was his sensibility, so quick his +comprehension, that he perceived various combinations in an instant; he +caught truth as she darted towards him, saw all her fair proportion at a +glance, and the flash of his eye spoke the quick senses which conveyed +intelligence to his mind; the sensorium indeed was capacious, and the +sage imagined he saw the lucid beam, sparkling with love or ambition, in +characters of fire, which a graceful curve of the upper eyelid shaded. +The lips were a little deranged by contempt; and a mixture of vanity and +self-complacency formed a few irregular lines round them. The chin had +suffered from sensuality, yet there were still great marks of vigour in +it, as if advanced with stern dignity. The hand accustomed to command, +and even tyrannize, was unnerved; but its appearance convinced Sagestus, +that he had oftener wielded a thought than a weapon; and that he had +silenced, by irresistible conviction, the superficial disputant, and the +being, who doubted because he had not strength to believe, who, wavering +between different borrowed opinions, first caught at one straw, then at +another, unable to settle into any consistency of character. After gazing +a few moments, Sagestus turned away exclaiming, How are the stately oaks +torn up by a tempest, and the bow unstrung, that could force the arrow +beyond the ken of the eye! + +What a different face next met his view! The forehead was short, yet well +set together; the nose small, but a little turned up at the end; and a +draw-down at the sides of his mouth, proved that he had been a humourist, +who minded the main chance, and could joke with his acquaintance, while +he eagerly devoured a dainty which he was not to pay for. His lips shut +like a box whose hinges had often been mended; and the muscles, which +display the soft emotion of the heart on the cheeks, were grown quite +rigid, so that, the vessels that should have moistened them not having +much communication with the grand source of passions, the fine volatile +fluid had evaporated, and they became mere dry fibres, which might be +pulled by any misfortune that threatened himself, but were not +sufficiently elastic to be moved by the miseries of others. His joints +were inserted compactly, and with celerity they had performed all the +animal functions, without any of the grace which results from the +imagination mixing with the senses. + +A huge form was stretched near him, that exhibited marks of overgrown +infancy; every part was relaxed; all appeared imperfect. Yet, some +undulating lines on the puffed-out cheeks, displayed signs of timid, +servile good nature; and the skin of the forehead had been so often drawn +up by wonder, that the few hairs of the eyebrows were fixed in a sharp +arch, whilst an ample chin rested in lobes of flesh on his protuberant +breast. + +By his side was a body that had scarcely ever much life in it--sympathy +seemed to have drawn them together--every feature and limb was round and +fleshy, and, if a kind of brutal cunning had not marked the face, it +might have been mistaken for an automaton, so unmixed was the phlegmatic +fluid. The vital spark was buried deep in a soft mass of matter, +resembling the pith in young elder, which, when found, is so equivocal, +that it only appears a moister part of the same body. + +Another part of the beach was covered with sailors, whose bodies +exhibited marks of strength and brutal courage.--Their characters were +all different, though of the same class; Sagestus did not stay to +discriminate them, satisfied with a rough sketch. He saw indolence roused +by a love of humour, or rather bodily fun; sensuality and prodigality +with a vein of generosity running through it; a contempt of danger with +gross superstition; supine senses, only to be kept alive by noisy, +tumultuous pleasures, or that kind of novelty which borders on absurdity: +this formed the common outline, and the rest were rather dabs than +shades. + +Sagestus paused, and remembered it had been said by an earthly wit, that +"many a flower is born to blush unseen, and waste its sweetness on the +desart air." How little, he exclaimed, did that poet know of the ways of +heaven! And yet, in this respect, they are direct; the hands before me, +were designed to pull a rope, knock down a sheep, or perform the servile +offices of life; no "mute, inglorious poet" rests amongst them, and he +who is superior to his fellow, does not rise above mediocrity. The genius +that sprouts from a dunghil soon shakes off the heterogenous mass; those +only grovel, who have not power to fly. + +He turned his step towards the mother of the orphan: another female was +at some distance; and a man who, by his garb, might have been the +husband, or brother, of the former, was not far off. + +Him the sage surveyed with an attentive eye, and bowed with respect to +the inanimate clay, that lately had been the dwelling of a most +benevolent spirit. The head was square, though the features were not very +prominent; but there was a great harmony in every part, and the turn of +the nostrils and lips evinced, that the soul must have had taste, to +which they had served as organs. Penetration and judgment were seated on +the brows that overhung the eye. Fixed as it was, Sagestus quickly +discerned the expression it must have had; dark and pensive, rather from +slowness of comprehension than melancholy, it seemed to absorb the light +of knowledge, to drink it in ray by ray; nay, a new one was not allowed +to enter his head till the last was arranged: an opinion was thus +cautiously received, and maturely weighed, before it was added to the +general stock. As nature led him to mount from a part to the whole, he +was most conversant with the beautiful, and rarely comprehended the +sublime; yet, said Sagestus, with a softened tone, he was all heart, full +of forbearance, and desirous to please every fellow-creature; but from a +nobler motive than a love of admiration; the fumes of vanity never +mounted to cloud his brain, or tarnish his beneficence. The fluid in +which those placid eyes swam, is now congealed; how often has tenderness +given them the finest water! Some torn parts of the child's dress hung +round his arm, which led the sage to conclude, that he had saved the +child; every line in his face confirmed the conjecture; benevolence +indeed strung the nerves that naturally were not very firm; it was the +great knot that tied together the scattered qualities, and gave the +distinct stamp to the character. + +The female whom he next approached, and supposed to be an attendant on +the other, was below the middle size, and her legs were so +disproportionably short, that, when she moved, she must have waddled +along; her elbows were drawn in to touch her long taper, waist, and the +air of her whole body was an affectation of gentility. Death could not +alter the rigid hang of her limbs, or efface the simper that had +stretched her mouth; the lips were thin, as if nature intended she should +mince her words; her nose was small, and sharp at the end; and the +forehead, unmarked by eyebrows, was wrinkled by the discontent that had +sunk her cheeks, on which Sagestus still discerned faint traces of +tenderness; and fierce good-nature, he perceived had sometimes animated +the little spark of an eye that anger had oftener lighted. The same +thought occurred to him that the sight of the sailors had suggested, Men +and women are all in their proper places--this female was intended to +fold up linen and nurse the sick. + +Anxious to observe the mother of his charge, he turned to the lily that +had been so rudely snapped, and, carefully observing it, traced every +fine line to its source. There was a delicacy in her form, so truly +feminine, that an involuntary desire to cherish such a being, made the +sage again feel the almost forgotten sensations of his nature. On +observing her more closely, he discovered that her natural delicacy had +been increased by an improper education, to a degree that took away all +vigour from her faculties. And its baneful influence had had such an +effect on her mind, that few traces of the exertions of it appeared on +her face, though the fine finish of her features, and particularly the +form of the forehead, convinced the sage that her understanding might +have risen considerably above mediocrity, had the wheels ever been put in +motion; but, clogged by prejudices, they never turned quite round, and, +whenever she considered a subject, she stopped before she came to a +conclusion. Assuming a mask of propriety, she had banished nature; yet +its tendency was only to be diverted, not stifled. Some lines, which took +from the symmetry of the mouth, not very obvious to a superficial +observer, struck Sagestus, and they appeared to him characters of +indolent obstinacy. Not having courage to form an opinion of her own, she +adhered, with blind partiality, to those she adopted, which she received +in the lump, and, as they always remained unopened, of course she only +saw the even gloss on the outside. Vestiges of anger were visible on her +brow, and the sage concluded, that she had often been offended with, and +indeed would scarcely make any allowance for, those who did not coincide +with her in opinion, as things always appear self-evident that have never +been examined; yet her very weakness gave a charming timidity to her +countenance; goodness and tenderness pervaded every lineament, and melted +in her dark blue eyes. The compassion that wanted activity, was sincere, +though it only embellished her face, or produced casual acts of charity +when a moderate alms could relieve present distress. Unacquainted with +life, fictitious, unnatural distress drew the tears that were not shed +for real misery. In its own shape, human wretchedness excites a little +disgust in the mind that has indulged sickly refinement. Perhaps the +sage gave way to a little conjecture in drawing the last conclusion; but +his conjectures generally arose from distinct ideas, and a dawn of light +allowed him to see a great way farther than common mortals. + +He was now convinced that the orphan was not very unfortunate in having +lost such a mother. The parent that inspires fond affection without +respect, is seldom an useful one; and they only are respectable, who +consider right and wrong abstracted from local forms and accidental +modifications. + +Determined to adopt the child, he named it after himself, Sagesta, and +retired to the hut where the innocent slept, to think of the best method +of educating this child, whom the angry deep had spared. + +[The last branch of the education of Sagesta, consisted of a variety of +characters and stories presented to her in the Cave of Fancy, of which +the following is a specimen.] + + + + +CHAP. + + +A FORM now approached that particularly struck and interested Sagesta. +The sage, observing what passed in her mind, bade her ever trust to the +first impression. In life, he continued, try to remember the effect the +first appearance of a stranger has on your mind; and, in proportion to +your sensibility, you may decide on the character. Intelligence glances +from eyes that have the same pursuits, and a benevolent heart soon traces +the marks of benevolence on the countenance of an unknown +fellow-creature; and not only the countenance, but the gestures, the +voice, loudly speak truth to the unprejudiced mind. + +Whenever a stranger advances towards you with a tripping step, receives +you with broad smiles, and a profusion of compliments, and yet you find +yourself embarrassed and unable to return the salutation with equal +cordiality, be assured that such a person is affected, and endeavours to +maintain a very good character in the eyes of the world, without really +practising the social virtues which dress the face in looks of unfeigned +complacency. Kindred minds are drawn to each other by expressions which +elude description; and, like the calm breeze that plays on a smooth lake, +they are rather felt than seen. Beware of a man who always appears in +good humour; a selfish design too frequently lurks in the smiles the +heart never curved; or there is an affectation of candour that destroys +all strength of character, by blending truth and falshood into an +unmeaning mass. The mouth, in fact, seems to be the feature where you may +trace every kind of dissimulation, from the simper of vanity, to the +fixed smile of the designing villain. Perhaps, the modulations of the +voice will still more quickly give a key to the character than even the +turns of the mouth, or the words that issue from it; often do the tones +of unpractised dissemblers give the lie to their assertions. Many people +never speak in an unnatural voice, but when they are insincere: the +phrases not corresponding with the dictates of the heart, have nothing to +keep them in tune. In the course of an argument however, you may easily +discover whether vanity or conviction stimulates the disputant, though +his inflated countenance may be turned from you, and you may not see the +gestures which mark self-sufficiency. He stopped, and the spirit began. + +I have wandered through the cave; and, as soon as I have taught you a +useful lesson, I shall take my flight where my tears will cease to flow, +and where mine eyes will no more be shocked with the sight of guilt and +sorrow. Before many moons have changed, thou wilt enter, O mortal! into +that world I have lately left. Listen to my warning voice, and trust not +too much to the goodness which I perceive resides in thy breast. Let it +be reined in by principles, lest thy very virtue sharpen the sting of +remorse, which as naturally follows disorder in the moral world, as pain +attends on intemperance in the physical. But my history will afford you +more instruction than mere advice. Sagestus concurred in opinion with +her, observing that the senses of children should be the first object of +improvement; then their passions worked on; and judgment the fruit, must +be the acquirement of the being itself, when out of leading-strings. The +spirit bowed assent, and, without any further prelude, entered on her +history. + +My mother was a most respectable character, but she was yoked to a man +whose follies and vices made her ever feel the weight of her chains. The +first sensation I recollect, was pity; for I have seen her weep over me +and the rest of her babes, lamenting that the extravagance of a father +would throw us destitute on the world. But, though my father was +extravagant, and seldom thought of any thing but his own pleasures, our +education was not neglected. In solitude, this employment was my mother's +only solace; and my father's pride made him procure us masters; nay, +sometimes he was so gratified by our improvement, that he would embrace +us with tenderness, and intreat my mother to forgive him, with marks of +real contrition. But the affection his penitence gave rise to, only +served to expose her to continual disappointments, and keep hope alive +merely to torment her. After a violent debauch he would let his beard +grow, and the sadness that reigned in the house I shall never forget; he +was ashamed to meet even the eyes of his children. This is so contrary to +the nature of things, it gave me exquisite pain; I used, at those times, +to show him extreme respect. I could not bear to see my parent humble +himself before me. However neither his constitution, nor fortune could +long bear the constant waste. He had, I have observed, a childish +affection for his children, which was displayed in caresses that +gratified him for the moment, yet never restrained the headlong fury of +his appetites; his momentary repentance wrung his heart, without +influencing his conduct; and he died, leaving an encumbered wreck of a +good estate. + +As we had always lived in splendid poverty, rather than in affluence, the +shock was not so great; and my mother repressed her anguish, and +concealed some circumstances, that she might not shed a destructive +mildew over the gaiety of youth. + +So fondly did I doat on this dear parent, that she engrossed all my +tenderness; her sorrows had knit me firmly to her, and my chief care was +to give her proofs of affection. The gallantry that afforded my +companions, the few young people my mother forced me to mix with, so much +pleasure, I despised; I wished more to be loved than admired, for I could +love. I adored virtue; and my imagination, chasing a chimerical object, +overlooked the common pleasures of life; they were not sufficient for my +happiness. A latent fire made me burn to rise superior to my +contemporaries in wisdom and virtue; and tears of joy and emulation +filled my eyes when I read an account of a great action--I felt +admiration, not astonishment. + +My mother had two particular friends, who endeavoured to settle her +affairs; one was a middle-aged man, a merchant; the human breast never +enshrined a more benevolent heart. His manners were rather rough, and he +bluntly spoke his thoughts without observing the pain it gave; yet he +possessed extreme tenderness, as far as his discernment went. Men do not +make sufficient distinction, said she, digressing from her story to +address Sagestus, between tenderness and sensibility. + +To give the shortest definition of sensibility, replied the sage, I +should say that it is the result of acute senses, finely fashioned +nerves, which vibrate at the slightest touch, and convey such clear +intelligence to the brain, that it does not require to be arranged by the +judgment. Such persons instantly enter into the characters of others, and +instinctively discern what will give pain to every human being; their own +feelings are so varied that they seem to contain in themselves, not only +all the passions of the species, but their various modifications. +Exquisite pain and pleasure is their portion; nature wears for them a +different aspect than is displayed to common mortals. One moment it is a +paradise; all is beautiful: a cloud arises, an emotion receives a sudden +damp; darkness invades the sky, and the world is an unweeded garden;--but +go on with your narrative, said Sagestus, recollecting himself. + +She proceeded. The man I am describing was humanity itself; but +frequently he did not understand me; many of my feelings were not to be +analyzed by his common sense. His friendships, for he had many friends, +gave him pleasure unmixed with pain; his religion was coldly reasonable, +because he wanted fancy, and he did not feel the necessity of finding, +or creating, a perfect object, to answer the one engraved on his heart: +the sketch there was faint. He went with the stream, and rather caught a +character from the society he lived in, than spread one around him. In my +mind many opinions were graven with a pen of brass, which he thought +chimerical: but time could not erase them, and I now recognize them as +the seeds of eternal happiness: they will soon expand in those realms +where I shall enjoy the bliss adapted to my nature; this is all we need +ask of the Supreme Being; happiness must follow the completion of his +designs. He however could live quietly, without giving a preponderancy to +many important opinions that continually obtruded on my mind; not having +an enthusiastic affection for his fellow creatures, he did them good, +without suffering from their follies. He was particularly attached to me, +and I felt for him all the affection of a daughter; often, when he had +been interesting himself to promote my welfare, have I lamented that he +was not my father; lamented that the vices of mine had dried up one +source of pure affection. + +The other friend I have already alluded to, was of a very different +character; greatness of mind, and those combinations of feeling which are +so difficult to describe, raised him above the throng, that bustle their +hour out, lie down to sleep, and are forgotten. But I shall soon see him, +she exclaimed, as much superior to his former self, as he then rose in my +eyes above his fellow creatures! As she spoke, a glow of delight +animated each feature; her countenance appeared transparent; and she +silently anticipated the happiness she should enjoy, when she entered +those mansions, where death-divided friends should meet, to part no more; +where human weakness could not damp their bliss, or poison the cup of joy +that, on earth, drops from the lips as soon as tasted, or, if some daring +mortal snatches a hasty draught, what was sweet to the taste becomes a +root of bitterness. + +He was unfortunate, had many cares to struggle with, and I marked on his +cheeks traces of the same sorrows that sunk my own. He was unhappy I say, +and perhaps pity might first have awoke my tenderness; for, early in +life, an artful woman worked on his compassionate soul, and he united his +fate to a being made up of such jarring elements, that he was still +alone. The discovery did not extinguish that propensity to love, a high +sense of virtue fed. I saw him sick and unhappy, without a friend to +sooth the hours languor made heavy; often did I sit a long winter's +evening by his side, railing at the swift wings of time, and terming my +love, humanity. + +Two years passed in this manner, silently rooting my affection; and it +might have continued calm, if a fever had not brought him to the very +verge of the grave. Though still deceived, I was miserable that the +customs of the world did not allow me to watch by him; when sleep forsook +his pillow, my wearied eyes were not closed, and my anxious spirit +hovered round his bed. I saw him, before he had recovered his strength; +and, when his hand touched mine, life almost retired, or flew to meet +the touch. The first look found a ready way to my heart, and thrilled +through every vein. We were left alone, and insensibly began to talk of +the immortality of the soul; I declared that I could not live without +this conviction. In the ardour of conversation he pressed my hand to his +heart; it rested there a moment, and my emotions gave weight to my +opinion, for the affection we felt was not of a perishable nature.--A +silence ensued, I know not how long; he then threw my hand from him, as +if it had been a serpent; formally complained of the weather, and +adverted to twenty other uninteresting subjects. Vain efforts! Our hearts +had already spoken to each other. + +Feebly did I afterwards combat an affection, which seemed twisted in +every fibre of my heart. The world stood still when I thought of him; it +moved heavily at best, with one whose very constitution seemed to mark +her out for misery. But I will not dwell on the passion I too fondly +nursed. One only refuge had I on earth; I could not resolutely desolate +the scene my fancy flew to, when worldly cares, when a knowledge of +mankind, which my circumstances forced on me, rendered every other +insipid. I was afraid of the unmarked vacuity of common life; yet, though +I supinely indulged myself in fairy-land, when I ought to have been more +actively employed, virtue was still the first mover of my actions; she +dressed my love in such enchanting colours, and spread the net I could +never break. Our corresponding feelings confounded our very souls; and +in many conversations we almost intuitively discerned each other's +sentiments; the heart opened itself, not chilled by reserve, nor afraid +of misconstruction. But, if virtue inspired love, love gave new energy to +virtue, and absorbed every selfish passion. Never did even a wish escape +me, that my lover should not fulfil the hard duties which fate had +imposed on him. I only dissembled with him in one particular; I +endeavoured to soften his wife's too conspicuous follies, and extenuated +her failings in an indirect manner. To this I was prompted by a loftiness +of spirit; I should have broken the band of life, had I ceased to respect +myself. But I will hasten to an important change in my circumstances. + +My mother, who had concealed the real state of her affairs from me, was +now impelled to make me her confident, that I might assist to discharge +her mighty debt of gratitude. The merchant, my more than father, had +privately assisted her: but a fatal civil-war reduced his large property +to a bare competency; and an inflammation in his eyes, that arose from a +cold he had caught at a wreck, which he watched during a stormy night to +keep off the lawless colliers, almost deprived him of sight. His life had +been spent in society, and he scarcely knew how to fill the void; for his +spirit would not allow him to mix with his former equals as an humble +companion; he who had been treated with uncommon respect, could not brook +their insulting pity. From the resource of solitude, reading, the +complaint in his eyes cut him off, and he became our constant visitor. + +Actuated by the sincerest affection, I used to read to him, and he +mistook my tenderness for love. How could I undeceive him, when every +circumstance frowned on him! Too soon I found that I was his only +comfort; I, who rejected his hand when fortune smiled, could not now +second her blow; and, in a moment of enthusiastic gratitude and tender +compassion, I offered him my hand.--It was received with pleasure; +transport was not made for his soul; nor did he discover that nature had +separated us, by making me alive to such different sensations. My mother +was to live with us, and I dwelt on this circumstance to banish cruel +recollections, when the bent bow returned to its former state. + +With a bursting heart and a firm voice, I named the day when I was to +seal my promise. It came, in spite of my regret; I had been previously +preparing myself for the awful ceremony, and answered the solemn question +with a resolute tone, that would silence the dictates of my heart; it was +a forced, unvaried one; had nature modulated it, my secret would have +escaped. My active spirit was painfully on the watch to repress every +tender emotion. The joy in my venerable parent's countenance, the +tenderness of my husband, as he conducted me home, for I really had a +sincere affection for him, the gratulations of my mind, when I thought +that this sacrifice was heroic, all tended to deceive me; but the joy of +victory over the resigned, pallid look of my lover, haunted my +imagination, and fixed itself in the centre of my brain.--Still I +imagined, that his spirit was near me, that he only felt sorrow for my +loss, and without complaint resigned me to my duty. + +I was left alone a moment; my two elbows rested on a table to support my +chin. Ten thousand thoughts darted with astonishing velocity through my +mind. My eyes were dry; I was on the brink of madness. At this moment a +strange association was made by my imagination; I thought of Gallileo, +who when he left the inquisition, looked upwards, and cried out, "Yet it +moves." A shower of tears, like the refreshing drops of heaven, relieved +my parched sockets; they fell disregarded on the table; and, stamping +with my foot, in an agony I exclaimed, "Yet I love." My husband entered +before I had calmed these tumultuous emotions, and tenderly took my +hand. I snatched it from him; grief and surprise were marked on his +countenance; I hastily stretched it out again. My heart smote me, and I +removed the transient mist by an unfeigned endeavour to please him. + +A few months after, my mind grew calmer; and, if a treacherous +imagination, if feelings many accidents revived, sometimes plunged me +into melancholy, I often repeated with steady conviction, that virtue was +not an empty name, and that, in following the dictates of duty, I had not +bidden adieu to content. + +In the course of a few years, the dear object of my fondest affection, +said farewel, in dying accents. Thus left alone, my grief became dear; +and I did not feel solitary, because I thought I might, without a crime, +indulge a passion, that grew more ardent than ever when my imagination +only presented him to my view, and restored my former activity of soul +which the late calm had rendered torpid. I seemed to find myself again, +to find the eccentric warmth that gave me identity of character. Reason +had governed my conduct, but could not change my nature; this voluptuous +sorrow was superior to every gratification of sense, and death more +firmly united our hearts. + +Alive to every human affection, I smoothed my mothers passage to +eternity, and so often gave my husband sincere proofs of affection, he +never supposed that I was actuated by a more fervent attachment. My +melancholy, my uneven spirits, he attributed to my extreme sensibility, +and loved me the better for possessing qualities he could not +comprehend. + +At the close of a summer's day, some years after, I wandered with +careless steps over a pathless common; various anxieties had rendered the +hours which the sun had enlightened heavy; sober evening came on; I +wished to still "my mind, and woo lone quiet in her silent walk." The +scene accorded with my feelings; it was wild and grand; and the spreading +twilight had almost confounded the distant sea with the barren, blue +hills that melted from my sight. I sat down on a rising ground; the rays +of the departing sun illumined the horizon, but so indistinctly, that I +anticipated their total extinction. The death of Nature led me to a still +more interesting subject, that came home to my bosom, the death of him I +loved. A village-bell was tolling; I listened, and thought of the moment +when I heard his interrupted breath, and felt the agonizing fear, that +the same sound would never more reach my ears, and that the intelligence +glanced from my eyes, would no more be felt. The spoiler had seized his +prey; the sun was fled, what was this world to me! I wandered to another, +where death and darkness could not enter; I pursued the sun beyond the +mountains, and the soul escaped from this vale of tears. My reflections +were tinged with melancholy, but they were sublime.--I grasped a mighty +whole, and smiled on the king of terrors; the tie which bound me to my +friends he could not break; the same mysterious knot united me to the +source of all goodness and happiness. I had seen the divinity reflected +in a face I loved; I had read immortal characters displayed on a human +countenance, and forgot myself whilst I gazed. I could not think of +immortality, without recollecting the ecstacy I felt, when my heart first +whispered to me that I was beloved; and again did I feel the sacred tie +of mutual affection; fervently I prayed to the father of mercies; and +rejoiced that he could see every turn of a heart, whose movements I could +not perfectly understand. My passion seemed a pledge of immortality; I +did not wish to hide it from the all-searching eye of heaven. Where +indeed could I go from his presence? and, whilst it was dear to me, +though darkness might reign during the night of life, joy would come when +I awoke to life everlasting. + +I now turned my step towards home, when the appearance of a girl, who +stood weeping on the common, attracted my attention. I accosted her, and +soon heard her simple tale; that her father was gone to sea, and her +mother sick in bed. I followed her to their little dwelling, and relieved +the sick wretch. I then again sought my own abode; but death did not now +haunt my fancy. Contriving to give the poor creature I had left more +effectual relief, I reached my own garden-gate very weary, and rested on +it.--Recollecting the turns of my mind during the walk, I exclaimed, +Surely life may thus be enlivened by active benevolence, and the sleep of +death, like that I am now disposed to fall into, may be sweet! + +My life was now unmarked by any extraordinary change, and a few days ago +I entered this cavern; for through it every mortal must pass; and here I +have discovered, that I neglected many opportunities of being useful, +whilst I fostered a devouring flame. Remorse has not reached me, because +I firmly adhered to my principles, and I have also discovered that I saw +through a false medium. Worthy as the mortal was I adored, I should not +long have loved him with the ardour I did, had fate united us, and broken +the delusion the imagination so artfully wove. His virtues, as they now +do, would have extorted my esteem; but he who formed the human soul, only +can fill it, and the chief happiness of an immortal being must arise from +the same source as its existence. Earthly love leads to heavenly, and +prepares us for a more exalted state; if it does not change its nature, +and destroy itself, by trampling on the virtue, that constitutes its +essence, and allies us to the Deity. + + + + +ON + +POETRY, + +AND + +OUR RELISH FOR THE BEAUTIES OF NATURE. + + +ON + +POETRY, &c. + + +A TASTE for rural scenes, in the present state of society, appears to be +very often an artificial sentiment, rather inspired by poetry and +romances, than a real perception of the beauties of nature. But, as it is +reckoned a proof of refined taste to praise the calm pleasures which the +country affords, the theme is never exhausted. Yet it may be made a +question, whether this romantic kind of declamation, has much effect on +the conduct of those, who leave, for a season, the crowded cities in +which they were bred. + +I have been led to these reflections, by observing, when I have resided +for any length of time in the country, how few people seem to contemplate +nature with their own eyes. I have "brushed the dew away" in the morning; +but, pacing over the printless grass, I have wondered that, in such +delightful situations, the sun was allowed to rise in solitary majesty, +whilst my eyes alone hailed its beautifying beams. The webs of the +evening have still been spread across the hedged path, unless some +labouring man, trudging to work, disturbed the fairy structure; yet, in +spite of this supineness, when I joined the social circle, every tongue +rang changes on the pleasures of the country. + +Having frequently had occasion to make the same observation, I was led to +endeavour, in one of my solitary rambles, to trace the cause, and +likewise to enquire why the poetry written in the infancy of society, is +most natural: which, strictly speaking (for _natural_ is a very +indefinite expression) is merely to say, that it is the transcript of +immediate sensations, in all their native wildness and simplicity, when +fancy, awakened by the sight of interesting objects, was most actively at +work. At such moments, sensibility quickly furnishes similes, and the +sublimated spirits combine images, which rising spontaneously, it is not +necessary coldly to ransack the understanding or memory, till the +laborious efforts of judgment exclude present sensations, and damp the +fire of enthusiasm. + +The effusions of a vigorous mind, will ever tell us how far the +understanding has been enlarged by thought, and stored with knowledge. +The richness of the soil even appears on the surface; and the result of +profound thinking, often mixing, with playful grace, in the reveries of +the poet, smoothly incorporates with the ebullitions of animal spirits, +when the finely fashioned nerve vibrates acutely with rapture, or when, +relaxed by soft melancholy, a pleasing languor prompts the long-drawn +sigh, and feeds the slowly falling tear. + +The poet, the man of strong feelings, gives us only an image of his mind, +when he was actually alone, conversing with himself, and marking the +impression which nature had made on his own heart.--If, at this sacred +moment, the idea of some departed friend, some tender recollection when +the soul was most alive to tenderness, intruded unawares into his +thoughts, the sorrow which it produced is artlessly, yet poetically +expressed--and who can avoid sympathizing? + +Love to man leads to devotion--grand and sublime images strike the +imagination--God is seen in every floating cloud, and comes from the +misty mountain to receive the noblest homage of an intelligent +creature--praise. How solemn is the moment, when all affections and +remembrances fade before the sublime admiration which the wisdom and +goodness of God inspires, when he is worshipped in a _temple not made +with hands_, and the world seems to contain only the mind that formed, +and the mind that contemplates it! These are not the weak responses of +ceremonial devotion; nor, to express them, would the poet need another +poet's aid: his heart burns within him, and he speaks the language of +truth and nature with resistless energy. + +Inequalities, of course, are observable in his effusions; and a less +vigorous fancy, with more taste, would have produced more elegance and +uniformity; but, as passages are softened or expunged during the cooler +moments of reflection, the understanding is gratified at the expence of +those involuntary sensations, which, like the beauteous tints of an +evening sky, are so evanescent, that they melt into new forms before they +can be analyzed. For however eloquently we may boast of our reason, man +must often be delighted he cannot tell why, or his blunt feelings are not +made to relish the beauties which nature, poetry, or any of the imitative +arts, afford. + +The imagery of the ancients seems naturally to have been borrowed from +surrounding objects and their mythology. When a hero is to be transported +from one place to another, across pathless wastes, is any vehicle so +natural, as one of the fleecy clouds on which the poet has often gazed, +scarcely conscious that he wished to make it his chariot? Again, when +nature seems to present obstacles to his progress at almost every step, +when the tangled forest and steep mountain stand as barriers, to pass +over which the mind longs for supernatural aid; an interposing deity, who +walks on the waves, and rules the storm, severely felt in the first +attempts to cultivate a country, will receive from the impassioned fancy +"a local habitation and a name." + +It would be a philosophical enquiry, and throw some light on the history +of the human mind, to trace, as far as our information will allow us to +trace, the spontaneous feelings and ideas which have produced the images +that now frequently appear unnatural, because they are remote; and +disgusting, because they have been servilely copied by poets, whose +habits of thinking, and views of nature must have been different; for, +though the understanding seldom disturbs the current of our present +feelings, without dissipating the gay clouds which fancy has been +embracing, yet it silently gives the colour to the whole tenour of them, +and the dream is over, when truth is grossly violated, or images +introduced, selected from books, and not from local manners or popular +prejudices. + +In a more advanced state of civilization, a poet is rather the creature +of art, than of nature. The books that he reads in his youth, become a +hot-bed in which artificial fruits are produced, beautiful to the common +eye, though they want the true hue and flavour. His images do not arise +from sensations; they are copies; and, like the works of the painters who +copy ancient statues when they draw men and women of their own times, we +acknowledge that the features are fine, and the proportions just; yet +they are men of stone; insipid figures, that never convey to the mind the +idea of a portrait taken from life, where the soul gives spirit and +homogeneity to the whole. The silken wings of fancy are shrivelled by +rules; and a desire of attaining elegance of diction, occasions an +attention to words, incompatible with sublime, impassioned thoughts. + +A boy of abilities, who has been taught the structure of verse at school, +and been roused by emulation to compose rhymes whilst he was reading +works of genius, may, by practice, produce pretty verses, and even become +what is often termed an elegant poet: yet his readers, without knowing +what to find fault with, do not find themselves warmly interested. In the +works of the poets who fasten on their affections, they see grosser +faults, and the very images which shock their taste in the modern; still +they do not appear as puerile or extrinsic in one as the +other.--Why?--because they did not appear so to the author. + +It may sound paradoxical, after observing that those productions want +vigour, that are merely the work of imitation, in which the understanding +has violently directed, if not extinguished, the blaze of fancy, to +assert, that, though genius be only another word for exquisite +sensibility, the first observers of nature, the true poets, exercised +their understanding much more than their imitators. But they exercised it +to discriminate things, whilst their followers were busy to borrow +sentiments and arrange words. + +Boys who have received a classical education, load their memory with +words, and the correspondent ideas are perhaps never distinctly +comprehended. As a proof of this assertion, I must observe, that I have +known many young people who could write tolerably smooth verses, and +string epithets prettily together, when their prose themes showed the +barrenness of their minds, and how superficial the cultivation must have +been, which their understanding had received. + +Dr. Johnson, I know, has given a definition of genius, which would +overturn my reasoning, if I were to admit it.--He imagines, that _a +strong mind, accidentally led to some particular study_ in which it +excels, is a genius.--Not to stop to investigate the causes which +produced this happy _strength_ of mind, experience seems to prove, that +those minds have appeared most vigorous, that have pursued a study, after +nature had discovered a bent; for it would be absurd to suppose, that a +slight impression made on the weak faculties of a boy, is the fiat of +fate, and not to be effaced by any succeeding impression, or unexpected +difficulty. Dr. Johnson in fact, appears sometimes to be of the same +opinion (how consistently I shall not now enquire), especially when he +observes, "that Thomson looked on nature with the eye which she only +gives to a poet." + +But, though it should be allowed that books may produce some poets, I +fear they will never be the poets who charm our cares to sleep, or extort +admiration. They may diffuse taste, and polish the language; but I am +inclined to conclude that they will seldom rouse the passions, or amend +the heart. + +And, to return to the first subject of discussion, the reason why most +people are more interested by a scene described by a poet, than by a +view of nature, probably arises from the want of a lively imagination. +The poet contracts the prospect, and, selecting the most picturesque part +in his _camera_, the judgment is directed, and the whole force of the +languid faculty turned towards the objects which excited the most +forcible emotions in the poet's heart; the reader consequently feels the +enlivened description, though he was not able to receive a first +impression from the operations of his own mind. + +Besides, it may be further observed, that gross minds are only to be +moved by forcible representations. To rouse the thoughtless, objects must +be presented, calculated to produce tumultuous emotions; the +unsubstantial, picturesque forms which a contemplative man gazes on, and +often follows with ardour till he is mocked by a glimpse of unattainable +excellence, appear to them the light vapours of a dreaming enthusiast, +who gives up the substance for the shadow. It is not within that they +seek amusement; their eyes are seldom turned on themselves; consequently +their emotions, though sometimes fervid, are always transient, and the +nicer perceptions which distinguish the man of genuine taste, are not +felt, or make such a slight impression as scarcely to excite any +pleasurable sensations. Is it surprising then that they are often +overlooked, even by those who are delighted by the same images +concentrated by the poet? + +But even this numerous class is exceeded, by witlings, who, anxious to +appear to have wit and taste, do not allow their understandings or +feelings any liberty; for, instead of cultivating their faculties and +reflecting on their operations, they are busy collecting prejudices; and +are predetermined to admire what the suffrage of time announces as +excellent, not to store up a fund of amusement for themselves, but to +enable them to talk. + +These hints will assist the reader to trace some of the causes why the +beauties of nature are not forcibly felt, when civilization, or rather +luxury, has made considerable advances--those calm sensations are not +sufficiently lively to serve as a relaxation to the voluptuary, or even +to the moderate pursuer of artificial pleasures. In the present state of +society, the understanding must bring back the feelings to nature, or the +sensibility must have such native strength, as rather to be whetted than +destroyed by the strong exercises of passion. + +That the most valuable things are liable to the greatest perversion, is +however as trite as true:--for the same sensibility, or quickness of +senses, which makes a man relish the tranquil scenes of nature, when +sensation, rather than reason, imparts delight, frequently makes a +libertine of him, by leading him to prefer the sensual tumult of love a +little refined by sentiment, to the calm pleasures of affectionate +friendship, in whose sober satisfactions, reason, mixing her +tranquillizing convictions, whispers, that content, not happiness, is the +reward of virtue in this world. + + + + +HINTS. + +[_Chiefly designed to have been incorporated in the Second Part of the_ +Vindication of the Rights of Woman.] + + +HINTS. + + +1. + +INDOLENCE is the source of nervous complaints, and a whole host of cares. +This devil might say that his name was legion. + + +2. + +It should be one of the employments of women of fortune, to visit +hospitals, and superintend the conduct of inferiors. + + +3. + +It is generally supposed, that the imagination of women is particularly +active, and leads them astray. Why then do we seek by education only to +exercise their imagination and feeling, till the understanding, grown +rigid by disuse, is unable to exercise itself--and the superfluous +nourishment the imagination and feeling have received, renders the former +romantic, and the latter weak? + + +4. + +Few men have risen to any great eminence in learning, who have not +received something like a regular education. Why are women expected to +surmount difficulties that men are not equal to? + + +5. + +Nothing can be more absurd than the ridicule of the critic, that the +heroine of his mock-tragedy was in love with the very man whom she ought +least to have loved; he could not have given a better reason. How can +passion gain strength any other way? In Otaheite, love cannot be known, +where the obstacles to irritate an indiscriminate appetite, and sublimate +the simple sensations of desire till they mount to passion, are never +known. There a man or woman cannot love the very person they ought not to +have loved--nor does jealousy ever fan the flame. + + +6. + +It has frequently been observed, that, when women have an object in view, +they pursue it with more steadiness than men, particularly love. This is +not a compliment. Passion pursues with more heat than reason, and with +most ardour during the absence of reason. + + +7. + +Men are more subject to the physical love than women. The confined +education of women makes them more subject to jealousy. + + +8. + +Simplicity seems, in general, the consequence of ignorance, as I have +observed in the characters of women and sailors--the being confined to +one track of impressions. + + +9. + +I know of no other way of preserving the chastity of mankind, than that +of rendering women rather objects of love than desire. The difference is +great. Yet, while women are encouraged to ornament their persons at the +expence of their minds, while indolence renders them helpless and +lascivious (for what other name can be given to the common intercourse +between the sexes?) they will be, generally speaking, only objects of +desire; and, to such women, men cannot be constant. Men, accustomed only +to have their senses moved, merely seek for a selfish gratification in +the society of women, and their sexual instinct, being neither supported +by the understanding nor the heart, must be excited by variety. + + +10. + +We ought to respect old opinions; though prejudices, blindly adopted, +lead to error, and preclude all exercise of the reason. + +The emulation which often makes a boy mischievous, is a generous spur; +and the old remark, that unlucky, turbulent boys, make the wisest and +best men, is true, spite of Mr. Knox's arguments. It has been observed, +that the most adventurous horses, when tamed or domesticated, are the +most mild and tractable. + + +11. + +The children who start up suddenly at twelve or fourteen, and fall into +decays, in consequence, as it is termed, of outgrowing their strength, +are in general, I believe, those children, who have been bred up with +mistaken tenderness, and not allowed to sport and take exercise in the +open air. This is analogous to plants: for it is found that they run up +sickly, long stalks, when confined. + + +12. + +Children should be taught to feel deference, not to practise submission. + + +13. + +It is always a proof of false refinement, when a fastidious taste +overpowers sympathy. + + +14. + +Lust appears to be the most natural companion of wild ambition; and love +of human praise, of that dominion erected by cunning. + + +15. + +"Genius decays as judgment increases." Of course, those who have the +least genius, have the earliest appearance of wisdom. + + +16. + +A knowledge of the fine arts, is seldom subservient to the promotion of +either religion or virtue. Elegance is often indecency; witness our +prints. + + +17. + +There does not appear to be any evil in the world, but what is necessary. +The doctrine of rewards and punishments, not considered as a means of +reformation, appears to me an infamous libel on divine goodness. + + +18. + +Whether virtue is founded on reason or revelation, virtue is wisdom, and +vice is folly. Why are positive punishments? + + +19. + +Few can walk alone. The staff of Christianity is the necessary support of +human weakness. But an acquaintance with the nature of man and virtue, +with just sentiments on the attributes, would be sufficient, without a +voice from heaven, to lead some to virtue, but not the mob. + + +20. + +I only expect the natural reward of virtue, whatever it may be. I rely +not on a positive reward. + +The justice of God can be vindicated by a belief in a future state--but +a continuation of being vindicates it as clearly, as the positive system +of rewards and punishments--by evil educing good for the individual, and +not for an imaginary whole. The happiness of the whole must arise from +the happiness of the constituent parts, or this world is not a state of +trial, but a school. + + +21. + +The vices acquired by Augustus to retain his power, must have tainted his +soul, and prevented that increase of happiness a good man expects in the +next stage of existence. This was a natural punishment. + + +22. + +The lover is ever most deeply enamoured, when it is with he knows not +what--and the devotion of a mystic has a rude Gothic grandeur in it, +which the respectful adoration of a philosopher will never reach. I may +be thought fanciful; but it has continually occurred to me, that, though, +I allow, reason in this world is the mother of wisdom--yet some flights +of the imagination seem to reach what wisdom cannot teach--and, while +they delude us here, afford a glorious hope, if not a foretaste, of what +we may expect hereafter. He that created us, did not mean to mark us with +ideal images of grandeur, the _baseless fabric of a vision_--No--that +perfection we follow with hopeless ardour when the whisperings of reason +are heard, may be found, when not incompatible with our state, in the +round of eternity. Perfection indeed must, even then, be a comparative +idea--but the wisdom, the happiness of a superior state, has been +supposed to be intuitive, and the happiest effusions of human genius have +seemed like inspiration--the deductions of reason destroy sublimity. + + +23. + +I am more and more convinced, that poetry is the first effervescence of +the imagination, and the forerunner of civilization. + + +24. + +When the Arabs had no trace of literature or science, they composed +beautiful verses on the subjects of love and war. The flights of the +imagination, and the laboured deductions of reason, appear almost +incompatible. + + +25. + +Poetry certainly flourishes most in the first rude state of society. The +passions speak most eloquently, when they are not shackled by reason. +The sublime expression, which has been so often quoted, [Genesis, ch. 1, +ver. 3.] is perhaps a barbarous flight; or rather the grand conception of +an uncultivated mind; for it is contrary to nature and experience, to +suppose that this account is founded on facts--It is doubtless a sublime +allegory. But a cultivated mind would not thus have described the +creation--for, arguing from analogy, it appears that creation must have +been a comprehensive plan, and that the Supreme Being always uses second +causes, slowly and silently to fulfil his purpose. This is, in reality, a +more sublime view of that power which wisdom supports: but it is not the +sublimity that would strike the impassioned mind, in which the +imagination took place of intellect. Tell a being, whose affections and +passions have been more exercised than his reason, that God said, _Let +there be light! and there was light_; and he would prostrate himself +before the Being who could thus call things out of nothing, as if they +were: but a man in whom reason had taken place of passion, would not +adore, till wisdom was conspicuous as well as power, for his admiration +must be founded on principle. + + +26. + +Individuality is ever conspicuous in those enthusiastic flights of fancy, +in which reason is left behind, without being lost sight of. + + +27. + +The mind has been too often brought to the test of enquiries which only +reach to matter--put into the crucible, though the magnetic and electric +fluid escapes from the experimental philosopher. + + +28. + +Mr. Kant has observed, that the understanding is sublime, the imagination +beautiful--yet it is evident, that poets, and men who undoubtedly possess +the liveliest imagination, are most touched by the sublime, while men who +have cold, enquiring minds, have not this exquisite feeling in any great +degree, and indeed seem to lose it as they cultivate their reason. + + +29. + +The Grecian buildings are graceful--they fill the mind with all those +pleasing emotions, which elegance and beauty never fail to excite in a +cultivated mind--utility and grace strike us in unison--the mind is +satisfied--things appear just what they ought to be: a calm satisfaction +is felt, but the imagination has nothing to do--no obscurity darkens the +gloom--like reasonable content, we can say why we are pleased--and this +kind of pleasure may be lasting, but it is never great. + + +30. + +When we say that a person is an original, it is only to say in other +words that he thinks. "The less a man has cultivated his rational +faculties, the more powerful is the principle of imitation, over his +actions, and his habits of thinking. Most women, of course, are more +influenced by the behaviour, the fashions, and the opinions of those with +whom they associate, than men." (Smellie.) + +When we read a book which supports our favourite opinions, how eagerly do +we suck in the doctrines, and suffer our minds placidly to reflect the +images which illustrate the tenets we have embraced? We indolently or +quietly acquiesce in the conclusion, and our spirit animates and connects +the various subjects. But, on the contrary, when we peruse a skilful +writer, who does not coincide in opinion with us, how is the mind on the +watch to detect fallacy? And this coolness often prevents our being +carried away by a stream of eloquence, which the prejudiced mind terms +declamation--a pomp of words.--We never allow ourselves to be warmed; +and, after contending with the writer, are more confirmed in our own +opinion, as much perhaps from a spirit of contradiction as from +reason.--Such is the strength of man! + + +31. + +It is the individual manner of seeing and feeling, pourtrayed by a strong +imagination in bold images that have struck the senses, which creates +all the charms of poetry. A great reader is always quoting the +description of another's emotions; a strong imagination delights to paint +its own. A writer of genius makes us feel; an inferior author reason. + + +32. + +Some principle prior to self-love must have existed: the feeling which +produced the pleasure, must have existed before the experience. + + +THE END. + + +Transcriber's Notes: + +1. Obvious punctuation errors repaired. + +2. This text contains blank space and lines of "--" and "*" characters. +These are replicated from the printed pages, presumably they indicate +censored text from the original source. + +3. The listed errata at the beginning of Volume 1 and Volume 4 have been +applied to the text. + +4. The text as printed used incipits and 'long s' font. The incipits have +not been replicated in this version, but can be viewed on 'long s' HTML +version of the text or the page images linked from the HTML versions. + +5. Corrections: +Volume 1, Page 33, "accuteness" changed to "acuteness" +Volume 1, Page 51, "unfortutunate" changed to "unfortunate" +Volume 1, Page 57, "resource" changed to "recourse" +Volume 1, Page 90, "hunted" changed to "shunted" +Volume 1, Page 103, "carreer" changed to "career" +Volume 1, Page 161, "plased" changed to "pleased" +Volume 2, Page 116, "and and" changed to "and" +Volume 3, Page 35, "a r" changed to "air" +Volume 3, Page 81, "he he" changed to "he" +Volume 3, Page 120, "explananations" changed to "explanations" + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Posthumous Works, by Mary Wollstonecraft + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK POSTHUMOUS WORKS *** + +***** This file should be named 23233.txt or 23233.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/3/2/3/23233/ + +Produced by Jonathan Ingram, Online Distributed Proofreading +Team at http://www.pgdp.net and the booksmiths at +http://www.eBookForge.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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