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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Why They Married, by James Montgomery Flagg
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Why They Married
+
+Author: James Montgomery Flagg
+
+Release Date: November 24, 2007 [EBook #23611]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK WHY THEY MARRIED ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by K. Nordquist, Jacqueline Jeremy and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This
+file was produced from images generously made available
+by The Internet Archive/American Libraries.)
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+  WHY THEY MARRIED
+
+  TEXT AND ILLUSTRATIONS
+  BY
+  JAMES MONTGOMERY FLAGG
+
+  NEW YORK
+  LIFE PUBLISHING COMPANY
+  1906
+
+
+  _Copyright 1906_
+  LIFE PUBLISHING COMPANY
+  BRITISH COPYRIGHT SECURED
+  ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
+
+
+
+
+               DEDICATED
+  TO SEVERAL OBLIGING MARRIED COUPLES
+             WHO HAVE POSED
+      FOR SOME OF THESE PORTRAITS
+
+
+
+
+  Don't be ashamed to let us know
+    Why you tried matrimony,
+  For others brave the under-tow
+    For reasons quite as funny;
+  We give these little facts away,
+    Perhaps it is a treason,
+  Don't marry in an off-hand way,
+    Be sure "there's a reason!"
+
+              THE AUTHOR
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration: Yellow Dog]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    STUNG!
+
+    He was a gentle and sensitive chap,
+      He married the forceful Miss Howe,
+    He wanted her sympathy, did the poor yap--
+      He has everyone's sympathy now!
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    SHE KEPT HER WORD.
+
+    Maud hung onto straps in the Subway and "L,"
+      No man ever said "Take my seat!"
+    She swore that she'd marry the first one who did--
+      The next day her husband did meet!
+
+
+[Illustration: Skiddoo]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    SKIDDOO!
+
+    When your wife jams her hat on and packs up her bag
+      And says "I shall go back to mother!"
+    If you sniff she will say, "Just for that I will stay!"
+      One excuse is as good as another.
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    SHE LOOKED SO DOCILE!
+
+    John Quincy tho' kindly and gentle, declared:
+      "The man must be master, by gum!"
+    But his outlook on life, is just what his dear wife
+      Lets him peer at from under her thumb!
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    NOT A QUITTER.
+
+    Wilhemina's bridegroom failed to show up at the church
+      So she yanked the driver off the wedding hack,
+    And married him in lieu of John, who'd left her in the lurch
+      For she would NOT send the wedding presents back.
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    EVER KNOW IT TO FAIL?
+
+    "I never could marry that kind of a man!"
+      Said Miss Sue of a fellow named Sid--
+    So of course the gods heard her and laughed when they saw,
+      'Twas exactly the kind that she did!
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    HOW WAS SHE TO KNOW?
+
+    The reason sweet Alice got married to-day--
+      Sweet Alice, so prettily blushing,
+    She hadn't the faintest idea that the gent
+      Had another wife over in Flushing.
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    A TONIC.
+
+    Miss Luella Gloaming was naturally glum,
+      So she married young Grouch, the recluse;
+    For she says when she's sad, she just looks at his face--
+      Then she can't help but laugh like the deuce!
+
+
+[Illustration: 2 of clubs]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    WHY THEY MARRIED.
+
+    This couple before you are husband and wife,
+      He looks sorry and just a bit harried;
+    It took a mere two-spot to scare him for life,
+      At least that's the reason he married!
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    EXPLAINED AT LAST.
+
+    Mr. Pinhead was worth eighty millions,
+      Miss Nothingbutt had eighty-two;
+    Why do cash and spondulicks get married?
+      Spondulicks and cash always do!
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    AN OPEN AND SHUT GAME.
+
+    They heard that people ought to wed
+      Their opposites in life;
+    He finds an opposition where
+      He thought he'd found a wife!
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    REALLY SHE DID.
+
+    You never can guess why she married this man,
+      There's no use the matter to mince,
+    She married him merely because he had hair
+      Like her lost Pomeranian, "Prince."
+
+
+[Illustration: Ta-Da-De-Da!]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    AND THERE YOU ARE!
+
+    The reason Walter Applepie
+      Did wed his Nancy fair,
+    She liked the way his mouth curled up--
+      He liked her fuzzy hair!
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    TRUE COMPANIONS.
+
+    These people are mated exactly,
+      And all that remains is to tell,
+    That she is a bully good talker,
+      And he listens equally well!
+
+
+[Illustration: Diamonds]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    AN ADVERTISING MEDIUM.
+
+    The reason this chap in the box here
+      Made his lady friend Mrs. Van Pelf,
+    He had a whole car-load of diamonds
+      And he couldn't well wear them himself!
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    SO THOUGHTFUL OF FATHER.
+
+    Again to the altar went widower Brown,
+      When his grief he could decently smother,
+    He explained it to every acquaintance in town;
+      "My poor children needed a mother."
+
+
+[Illustration: $1.98]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    OLD MERGER AND MAYME.
+
+    Why did they marry--December and June?
+      Old Merger and Mayme-out-of-School?
+    Mayme didn't care for those ready made frocks--
+      December was--just an old fool.
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    NOW SHE'S WAY ABOVE PAR.
+
+    Billy Margin, a broker, did wed Ysobel,
+      Her shape counted most in his eyes,
+    Now her figure's no more, and Billy is sore,
+      For he finds he had bought for a rise!
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    AVERTED DANGER.
+
+    The reason Jenks married,
+      So we are told,
+    He was 'fraid he'd be lonely
+      When he got old!
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    FATE.
+
+    The rector got married to Annabel Gauze,
+      The rector was gentle and good;
+    He made up his mind that he'd marry because
+      She had made up her mind that he should!
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    THE SUN DO MOVE.
+
+    Petkins wed her Nobby Boy
+      In the year of our Lord knows when--
+    He was once the mold of form
+      And she was stylish then!
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    A MATTER OF TASTE.
+
+    He married her because she didn't swagger like a man,
+      Nor did she stand with feet apart, toes in,
+    She wasn't a "good fellow," thickly coated with a tan--
+      She was merely lovely, really feminine!
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    STRONGER THAN MERE LOVE.
+
+    The bond is a strong one that couples this pair,
+      A case in which Jill found her Jack,
+    This strong binding tie is the joy they both share,
+      In ripping their friends up the back!
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    IN ROUND FIGURES.
+
+    Now here is a couple who seem of one mind,
+      What on earth made them think they'd agree?
+    Why, he didn't care for the lean scraggly kind,
+      And it's funny, but neither did she!
+
+
+[Illustration: Divorce Mill]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    AKIN TO LOVE.
+
+    Out of pity married Chaucer,
+      She had been upon the shelf,
+    For same reason he'll divorce her,
+      Pity--this time for himself!
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    SPORTS!
+
+    He thought she was wealthy; she thought he was too,
+      Not thinking each other a grafter,
+    They found out between them there wasn't a sou--
+      So they laughed and lived happily after!
+
+
+[Illustration: FATE]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    INEVITABLE.
+
+    This happy young bride is a girl we all know,
+        Who swore that she never would wed,
+    When she'd been out of school a fortnight or so
+        She accepted misogynist Ned!
+
+
+[Illustration: Three one dime coins]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    THEY _WILL_ DO IT!
+
+    Both poor as Job's turkey and not overstrong--
+      Hold a three dollar job the man couldn't--
+    We are forced to conclude that they married because
+      There was every good reason they shouldn't!
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    NO FALLING OFF.
+
+    Paul told her lovely fairy tales when she was but a child,
+      She loved him far above all other men.
+    Tho' they've been married quite a while, the tales he tells her now
+      Are quite as good as those he told her then!
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    WANTED A CHANGE.
+
+    Young Twentyperr looked carefully before a wife he took,
+      His wife would have to know a thing or two,
+    He wanted to be certain that his spouse knew how to cook
+      The way his mother didn't use to do!
+
+
+[Illustration: THIS IS A PEACH]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    IT'S ONLY TOO TRUE.
+
+    "That woman married!" I hear you exclaim,
+      Your knowledge of people is small,
+    There is always some chump who will whisper "Je T'aime!"
+      While real peaches are left by the wall!
+
+
+[Illustration: DEBT]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    HIGH FINANCE.
+
+    Jonas Granitt married and he knew that he was cute,
+      A Mrs. Drudge, his housekeeper, no less,
+    For he owed her two years wages--you'll admit he was astute,
+      Now he doesn't owe her anything, I guess!
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    SHE GOT TIRED OF IT.
+
+    They are married and Maudie looks quite worn out,
+      It's no wonder--he pestered her so,
+    He proposed forty thousand and ninety-six times--
+      Every time but the last she said "No!"
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    SIDE-TRACKED.
+
+    These people wed in self-defense,
+      All social life they missed,
+    They found themselves outside the fence,
+      For neither played bridge-whist!
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    THE BUTTERFLY AND THE ANEMONE.
+
+    Mr. Butterfly Flitter was handsome and gay,
+      Why, he'd ne'er given marriage a thought,
+    But he dallied too long by a flower one day,
+      And before he could flit he was caught!
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    AHA!
+
+    Pious Mary knew that Jake
+      Gambled and drank rum too;
+    She married to reform the rake--
+      Now see what she has come to!
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    MR. AND MRS. JOHN SPRATT.
+
+    She fancied him because she felt a very piquant charm
+      In the unexpected awful things he said--
+    On her remarks he could depend, they never caused alarm,
+      So as they both were pleased, they wed!
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    A PRETTY SMOOTH GENTLEMAN.
+
+    Mary thought her husband was the finest anywhere,
+      He was the satisfaction of her life.
+    He knew too much to ever say, "Why don't you dye your hair?"
+      Or praise another woman to his wife!
+
+
+[Illustration: DING, DANG, D-DANG]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    HOW ABSURDLY ABSURD!
+
+    Mr. Tootles rides on trolley cars a good bit of his life,
+      His little wife goes with him for the ride;
+    A friend asked why he married such a tiny little wife--
+      "She's so easy to get on with!" he replied.
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    AND, GREAT SCOTT, HE LIKES IT!
+
+    Steve looked for a captain and not for a mate
+      And his friends all agree she was found,
+    Why, they say that the reason he's putting on weight
+      Is because she just ordered him 'round!
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    DO YOU SEE?
+
+    Intuition, deduction, observation as well,
+      And a masterful knowledge of life,
+    All figure as naught in our efforts to find
+      Why this pair became husband and wife!
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    LABOR SAVING.
+
+    When his wife died he married her sister,
+      A practical man was McGraw,
+    "In this way," he said, "I've no trouble
+      To break in a new mother-in-law."
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    MATTER OF FACT.
+
+    Bert had known Gladys from childhood,
+      From the day of the doll and mud-pie,
+    When the time came of course they got married,
+      As one puts on one's coat or one's tie!
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    A SHAME TO TAKE THE $.
+
+    Young Rebayte, Jr. had a stack,
+      A show girl he did wed,
+    She married him behind his back,
+      For she had turned his head!
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    NEWPORT NEWS.
+
+    Bernard De Lancey and Evelyn Smarte
+      Disregarding good taste and the cost,
+    Got married again--an affair of the heart--
+      They were tired of being divorced!
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    NO OBJECTIONS.
+
+    Izzy Morris Fiddlebaum
+      Wed Leah Meyer Rosen,
+    For neither had a prejudice
+      Against what's called "The Chosen"!
+
+
+[Illustration: These Lots will go to the man who marries me
+THE OWNER]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    HE WANTED THE EARTH!
+
+    Joe married Miss Paula McQuaver,
+      And altho' she was thin and passe,
+          She really had lots in her favor--
+        About eight city lots on Broadway!
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    QUITE RECKLESS.
+
+        She loved him for he was so brave,
+          Yes, in that line quite peerless--
+    He married this widow with seven kids--
+      By gosh, was not that fearless?
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    SHE HAD POSITION.
+
+    Al Higgins thought he married well when he got Sally Brown,
+      For very well connected was his "poil,"
+    Connected too with all the finest families in the town--
+      By telephone--She was a "Hello-Goil"!
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    "DON'T."
+
+    These foolish happy people here,
+      Mehitabel and Harry,
+    Disdaining quite those words of "Punch"
+      To those about to marry!
+
+
+
+
+
+End of Project Gutenberg's Why They Married, by James Montgomery Flagg
+
+*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK WHY THEY MARRIED ***
+
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