initial commit of ebook 38672HEADmain

35 files changed, 4936 insertions, 0 deletions

diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..6833f05
--- /dev/null
+++ b/.gitattributes
@@ -0,0 +1,3 @@
+* text=auto
+*.txt text
+*.md text
diff --git a/38672-8.txt b/38672-8.txt
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..b9c2ee5
--- /dev/null
+++ b/38672-8.txt
@@ -0,0 +1,1555 @@
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 105,
+September 30th 1893, by Various
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 105, September 30th 1893
+
+Author: Various
+
+Editor: Sir Francis Burnand
+
+Release Date: January 25, 2012 [EBook #38672]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH, OR THE LONDON ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Malcolm Farmer, Lesley Halamek and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+
+
+
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Punch, or the London Charivari
+
+Volume 105, September 30th 1893
+
+_edited by Sir Francis Burnand_
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration: BETWEEN FRIENDS.
+
+_Mr. Spooner, Q.C. (a Neophyte)._ "THIS IS MY BALL, I THINK?"
+
+_Colonel Bunting (an Adept)._ "BY JOVE, THAT'S A JOLLY GOOD 'LIE'!"
+
+_Mr. Spooner._ "REALLY, BUNTING, WE'RE VERY OLD FRIENDS, OF COURSE.
+BUT I DO THINK YOU MIGHT FIND A PLEASANTER WAY OF POINTING OUT A
+PERFECTLY UNINTENTIONAL MISTAKE!"]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+"DUE SOUTH!"
+
+Concerning the houses on the East Cliff of "P'm'th" I cannot speak
+from residential experience. They appear to me to have been built with
+a view to using P'm'th as a winter resort only, and are consequently
+protected from the four winds of Heaven by fairly-grown firs, whose
+appearance is very suggestive of Christmas festivities on a gigantic
+scale, when they might be decorated with coloured lamps, flags, toys,
+and bonbons, all of which could be raffled for by the children at home
+for the holidays. Here in a still more sheltered spot, and standing,
+as the auctioneers and estate agents say, "in its own park-like
+grounds," of at least three acres and a half (more or less), is the
+Hot-and-Cold-Bath Hotel, which from its having entertained several
+crowned and half-crowned heads has fairly earned the right to the
+style and title "Royal" as a distinguishing prefix.
+
+The interior of this excellent hostelrie is, as far as my experience
+goes, absolutely unique. It is crammed full of works of art of all
+sorts, sizes, and varieties, so that the stranger within the hotel
+gates may spend a happy day should it rain, as it sometimes does even
+at P'm'th, in walking through the galleries, into the various rooms
+(by permission of the occupiers), and if there be no catalogue (I do
+not remember to have seen one), then he might do worse than make the
+acquaintance of the amiable Bric-à-bracketing and Peculiarly Polite
+Proprietor, Mr. WYTE WESCOTES, who, if the occasion be opportune, will
+with pleasure become his _cicerone_, and show him all the treasures
+of this unique establishment. Or he may entrust himself to the
+other _genius loci_ of the place, represented by the acting manager
+rejoicing in a foreign name not to be mastered all at once by the
+sharpest British ear. To my mind, full of many early theatrical
+reminiscences, it is immediately associated with the name of a Chinese
+Princess in an ancient extravaganza entitled _The Willow-Pattern
+Plate_, where Her Royal Highness is thus mentioned in the prologue:--
+
+  "And this is the room of his daughter KOONG-SEE,
+  Who's shut up, as she's found in the first scene to be,
+  Whence she looks on the gardens and looks on the trees,
+  That wibbledy wobbledy go in the breeze,
+  Whose verdure and shade such a paradise made
+  Of the house of the Mandarin HEE-SING."
+
+All which description can be adapted to present circumstances, and be
+applied to the interior and exterior of the Royal Hot-and-Cold-Bath
+Hotel, Pinemouth, where the fare is excellent, and the price moderate;
+and, if there are, here and there, in the three hundred and sixty-five
+days some bad ones, what of that? Is there any establishment, however
+perfect, which, open all the year round, is not open to cavil and also
+to improvement?
+
+_Trip to Lulworth Cove._--By new L. and S. W. line. This line, like
+the stitch in time, saves nine, or it saves at least seven miles
+formerly traversed in prehistoric times of quite six months ago. We
+are _en route_ for Lulworth. Soothing name Lulworth! Drowsy murmur of
+a Sleepy-Hollow sort drones about the name of Lulworth.
+
+Delightful drive of five or six miles from station to Lulworth Cove.
+Expect of course to be received by "The Cove" himself in person. As
+the road thither is occasionally steep, stout persons are requested to
+get out and walk up the hills, which they do with as good a grace as
+is possible under the circumstances on a broiling September mid-day.
+
+In our shandradan there is a modern version of Miss BIFFIN, who can't
+possibly walk, but not for the physical reasons which prevented the
+above-mentioned "abbreviated form" from pedestrianising; and there
+is also with us the usual genial, stout, elderly dissembler, who,
+affecting to be troubled with a touch of highly respectable gout,
+feigns the deepest regret at being unable to descend from the car and
+join the pedestrians in their delightful toil up the hard and stony
+hill. At the summit we are refreshed by a gentle breeze, and between
+the heights, about three miles distant, obtaining a view of the deep
+blue sea, we feel invigorated.
+
+"_Thalatta! Thalatta!_" exclaims a youth of our party, who is home
+for the holidays. No one understands him except the stout man with the
+gout, who smiles approvingly, and asks the lad some recondite question
+concerning XENOPHON and the Anabasis, whereat the schoolboy shakes
+his head, and murmurs something about "not having got quite so far as
+that." No schoolboy home for the holidays ever has got as far as the
+question you put to him. All our schoolboy knows has been exhausted in
+that one quotation, and perhaps the stout gentleman with the touch of
+gout is not sorry that the boy's knowledge of Greek is limited. It
+is a venturesome thing for a man over fifty, who has not "kept up his
+classics," to tackle a boy fresh from school.
+
+We lose sight of the sea, and descend into the little sleepy fishing
+village of Lulworth. An out-of-the-way place, with an excellent inn
+(the name of which escapes my memory, but it is the only inn near the
+bay), where there is good accommodation for man and beast. Here the
+lobsters belong to precisely the same family as do those caught at
+Swanage, and no higher praise can be bestowed on any lobsters, those
+of Cromer, in Norfolk, included, than this. "Show me your lobster,
+and I'll show you the man to eat it!" This is my sentiment down
+South-West, or due North. The stout and gouty hero, who might have
+failed to tackle the boy "fresh from school," now shows himself an
+adept at tackling a lobster fresh from the sea. But more about Lunch,
+Lobsters, and the Legend of Durdle Door "in our next."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+GOOD NEWS FOR FIZZIONOMISTS.--To quote _The Merchant of Venice_, "_The
+World_ says, and I say so too," (_i.e._ _The World_ of last week,)
+that "the quality of the Champagne (the writer is speaking of Moët and
+Chandon and Pommery and Greno) will be good." The crop is to be "six
+times that of last year." Excellent--if only it be six times superior!
+And oh! if it would only be just one-third less in price!! As the poet
+(which word rhymes with "Moët") of the Champagne country sings,--
+
+  "To keep a _mens sana in corpore sano_,
+  Give me in plenty my Pommery Greno."
+
+But, at all events, so far as they are professionally judging from the
+face of the country about Epernay and Rheims, the Fizzionomists are
+more than likely to be right. _Ainsi soit-il._
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+"DOLLARS AND SENSE."--According to all accounts, Mr. DALY has shown
+his "sense" in reviving this piece (for a short run), so we hope he'll
+pull in "the dollars."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+MRS. R. WANTS TO KNOW.--"Who was the celebrated Scotchman," she asks,
+"who took 'the Cameroons' to East Africa?"
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+SIR AQUARIUS TO THE RESCUE!
+
+_Or, The Valiant Knight of the Watering Pot, and the Laidly Dragon of
+London._
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    ["The Report of the Royal Commission appointed for the purpose
+    of ascertaining whether the sources available within the
+    watersheds of the Thames and Lea are adequate in quantity and
+    quality for the water supply of the metropolis, has been laid
+    upon the table of the House of Commons.... The Commissioners
+    are convinced that much filth of various kinds is discharged
+    unnecessarily and illegally into the rivers.... They insist
+    upon the necessity for frequent inspection by an authority
+    appointed for the purpose.... The treatment of the water
+    after abstraction from the river is a subject to which the
+    Commissioners have devoted a good deal of attention ... they
+    suggest that regulations should be drawn up after competent
+    inquiry, and strictly enforced, the enforcement being
+    entrusted to a Public Water Examiner, who should have the
+    legal right of entry to all the waterworks."--_The Times._]
+
+AIR--"_The Dragon of Wantley._"
+
+  Old stories tell how Hercules
+    A dragon slew at Lerna,
+  With seven heads and fourteen eyes,
+    To see and well discern-a.
+  But our Laidly worm, who can wriggle and squirm,
+    Our health long time hath _un_done;
+  And it's oh! for a knight, or some man of might,
+    To demolish the Dragon of London!
+
+  This dragon hath two horrid heads,
+    For forage and for foison;
+  The one's all jaw, and devouring maw,
+    Whilst the other breathes forth poison.
+  Monopolist Greed is the one, indeed,
+    Whilst the other means Pollution;
+  And a hide of iron doth environ
+    Each scaly convolution.
+
+  You've heard, of course, of the Trojan horse;
+    Well, this Dragon is thrice as big, Sir!
+  With the mouth of a hog, or a Pollywog,
+    Or Egyptian Porcupig, Sir!
+  Like the Snapping Turtle he'll hustle and hurtle,
+    And gulp like the Gobbling Grampus;
+  And smite and shock, like the Jabberwock,
+    Or the Chawsome Catta-Wampus!
+
+  On the river's banks he plays his pranks,
+    An Amphibious Amphisbæna;
+  By the Thames and the Lea his coils you'll see,
+    A-stretch--like a concertina.
+  For the Thames to him, from brim to brim,
+    Is a sort of a private Pactolus,
+  In whose sands of gold this Dragon bold
+    Can roll and wallow--_solus!_
+
+  With one head he grabs L. S. D.
+    (Like a Nibelungen Treasure),
+  With t'other, whose breath means disease and death,
+    He befouls it beyond measure.
+  And those two heads o'er the watersheds
+    Of the Thames and Lea do hover,
+  Till a noxious brewage of slime and sewage
+    Is the draught of the water-lover.
+
+  Where's the "More of More Hall with nothing at all,"
+    To bring swift retribution,
+  And put the gag on this two-headed Dragon
+    Of Greed and of Pollution?
+  Hurroo! Hooray! Some have had their say
+    (And their counsels have been various).
+  But there looms in sight a "peerless knight,"
+    Which his name is "Sir AQUARIUS."
+
+  This Public Water Examiner,
+    "With legal right of entry,"
+  Should right the wrong of this Dragon strong,
+    And o'er river-rights stand sentry.
+  More of More Hall was nothing at all
+    For a balladist to brag on,
+  Compared with our Knight of the Watering Pot--
+    _If he'll slay our River Dragon!_
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: "QUITE AT HOME."
+
+_Podgers (who is somehow managing to spend his holiday at a Country
+House for the shooting)._ "WELL, SPEAKING OF BOOTS, SIR JOHN, YOU SEE
+THESE SHOES I HAVE ON. THEY COST ME EXACTLY FOUR-AND-SIXPENCE. _NOW I
+DARE SAY YOU GAVE TWICE AS MUCH FOR YOURS?_"]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+STRICTLY ENTRE NOUS (_communicated by Sir Ben Trovato_).--Quite
+recently Mr. CONDIE STEPHEN had the honour of dining with Her Majesty
+at Balmoral. He expressed himself highly pleased with a certain port
+wine at dessert. Sir ALGERNON "of that ilk" suggested that a bin of
+it should be put by in the Royal cellars, to be kept specially for Mr.
+STEPHEN'S visits, and labelled "_Condie's Fluid_."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+TURPIN AND TRAINS.
+
+Railway travelling in Chicago must be pleasant. "The express train to
+New York," says Dalziel's Express in the _Times_ of the 13th, "on
+the Lake Shore Railway was stopped by robbers about 140 miles east of
+Chicago." Twenty robbers, masked, did the business, killing the engine
+driver, and blowing open the express compartment of the car with
+dynamite! When travelling by steam was introduced we congratulated
+ourselves on our roads being freed from DICK TURPIN, PAUL CLIFFORD,
+and Co.; and with steamers, Atlantic liners, and so forth, it was
+presumed that the last had been heard of PAUL JONES and the Red Rover.
+But can this immunity be any longer guaranteed? May we not in due
+course expect to hear of "A P. and O. steamer robbed on the High Seas
+by a Pirate Craft," or "The Bath Express stopped soon after leaving
+Swindon by PAUL CLIFFORD, jun., and his gang of desperadoes"?
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+SOMETHING LIKE A CENTENARIAN.--The _Daily Chronicle_ gives a most
+useful summary of notable events for every day in the week. Here is
+one to be quoted as ever memorable, which appeared on Wednesday, Sept.
+20:--
+
+    "Battle of Newbury. Lord Falkland killed, 1643. Bishop John
+    Gauden died, 1662. Battle of Valmy, 1792. _Sir Edward James
+    Reed, K.C.B., born, 1630!!_ Battle of the Alma, 1854."
+
+We congratulate Sir EDWARD on having attained his
+Two-hundred-and-sixty-third birthday!! The oldest inhabitant isn't in
+it with him.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+UNDER THE ROSE.
+
+(_A Story in Scenes._)
+
+SCENE V.--_A General Waiting-room at Clapham Junction._ CURPHEW _is
+leaning against the mantelpiece_. Mr. TOOVEY _is seated on one of the
+horsehair chairs against the wall_.
+
+_Mr. Toovey (to himself)._ I do wish he'd sit down, and not look at me
+in that austere way! (_Aloud._) Won't you take a chair? It would be so
+much more comfortable.
+
+  [_He shifts his seat uneasily._
+
+_Curphew (stiffly)._ Thanks, Mr. TOOVEY, but I'd rather stand--for so
+short a time. (_A pause._) Well, Sir, you have something to say to me,
+I believe?
+
+_Mr. Toov. (to himself)._ Oh dear, I'm almost sorry now I--he won't
+make sufficient allowances for me. (_Aloud, after another pause._) The
+fact is, Mr. CURPHEW, I--I've just made a--a very painful discovery,
+which--is there any water in that decanter? because I--I feel a little
+thirsty.
+
+  [CURPHEW _pours him out a glass of water, which he sips_.
+
+_Curph._ Come, Sir, we needn't beat about the bush. I think I
+can spare you the preliminaries. I suppose you've heard about the
+Eldorado?
+
+_Mr. Toov. (to himself)._ He knows already! These journalists find out
+everything. (_Aloud._) I--I have indeed, but I assure you that, up to
+the very moment my nephew informed me, I had no more suspicion----
+
+_Curph._ You naturally consider that I ought to have told you at once,
+but the fact is, I--well, I had some reason to doubt whether Mrs.
+TOOVEY----
+
+_Mr. Toov._ Oh, you were quite right, it would never have done--never
+have done. I haven't breathed a word to Mrs. TOOVEY myself as yet.
+I was afraid I might be obliged to this morning. She discovered that
+dreadful Eldorado programme in one of my pockets, and was curious,
+very naturally curious, as to why I had kept it, but I passed it
+off--I managed to pass it off. I--I thought it better, at all events,
+till--till I had talked it over with you.
+
+_Curph. (to himself, relieved)._ He takes it wonderfully well. I
+shouldn't be surprised if I could talk him over. (_Aloud._) Oh,
+decidedly, Sir. And may I ask you what your own views are?
+
+_Mr. Toov._ I--I don't know what to think. For a man in my position
+to have even the remotest connection with--with a London music-hall!
+Wouldn't it be considered scandalous, or at least indecorous, if it
+were to leak out now? Shouldn't I be regarded as--as inconsistent, for
+example?
+
+_Curph._ Oh, no one could reproach _you_, at all events, Sir!
+
+_Mr. Toov. (to himself)._ And I thought he was going to be so hard
+on me! (_Aloud._) I am glad you take that view of it--yes, I can't be
+held responsible for what I did in absolute ignorance; but, now that I
+_do_ know, I can't go on, can I?--after a lifetime spent in condemning
+such entertainments!
+
+_Curph._ But are you quite sure, Sir, that your condemnation was based
+on any real foundation; mayn't you have been too ready to think the
+worst? Have you ever troubled yourself to inquire into the way they
+were conducted?
+
+_Mr. Toov. (to himself, in astonishment)._ Why, he's actually making
+excuses for them! (_Aloud._) I have always been given to understand
+that they were most improper places, Sir; that was sufficient for
+me--quite sufficient!
+
+_Curph._ I daresay I have no right to speak; but you may not be aware
+that all music-halls are now subject to the strictest supervision. And
+a body like the London County Council is not likely to sanction any
+impropriety in the entertainments.
+
+_Mr. Toov. (to himself)._ If I could only persuade myself that I might
+keep the shares with a good conscience! To give up three hundred
+and fifty a year, without necessity! I wonder what he would say.
+(_Aloud._) True, that didn't occur to me before; and the London County
+Council, they wouldn't encourage anything really----If I could only
+be sure--and I'm open to conviction--I hope I'm always open to
+conviction.
+
+[Illustration: "I drop into a music-hall?"]
+
+_Curph. (to himself)._ He's coming round; he's not such a pig-headed
+old Pharisee as I thought. (_Aloud._) I am sure you are. You are not
+the man to condemn any form of amusement, however harmless, merely
+because you find no attraction in it yourself.
+
+_Mr. Toov._ No, no. And I see the force of what you say; and if I
+could only once satisfy myself that the entertainment was really
+harmless----
+
+_Curph. (to himself)._ He couldn't very well object to _my_ part
+of it--it's an idea, and worth trying. (_Aloud._) My dear Sir, why
+_shouldn't_ you? In any case I should terminate my connection with the
+music-hall as soon as possible.
+
+_Mr. Toov. (disappointed)._ Would you? Then you _do_ think----? But
+the sacrifice, my dear young friend, it--it's a great deal of money to
+give up!
+
+_Curph. (lightly)._ Oh, that's of no consequence. I shouldn't think of
+that, for a moment!
+
+_Mr. Toov. (to himself, annoyed)._ It's all very well for him to talk
+like that, but it's _my_ sacrifice, and I _do_ think of it! (_Aloud._)
+But--but wouldn't it be a little Quixotic to withdraw from this
+Eldorado, supposing I found there was no moral objection to it, eh?
+
+_Curph._ I thought you would be the first to insist that the Eldorado
+should be given up! Surely, Sir, when I tell you that I love your
+daughter; that I hope, though I have not spoken as yet, to enter your
+family some day as your son-in-law, you will look at it differently?
+
+_Mr. Toov. (to himself)._ He does want to marry our THEA? CORNELIA
+will he delighted--delighted, but I really can't allow him to dictate
+to me whether to sell the shares or not! (_Aloud, with dignity._) My
+good young friend, I have lived longer than you in the world, and you
+will permit me to say that if, after investigation, I see no cause to
+disapprove of the Eldorado, there is no reason that I can discover
+why _you_ should hesitate to enter my family. I--I must act on my own
+judgment--entirely on my own judgment!
+
+_Curph. (to himself)._ He _is_ an old trump! Who would have thought
+he'd be so reasonable. (_Aloud, overjoyed._) My dear Sir, how can
+I thank you? That is all I ask--more than I could possibly have
+expected. And I was about to suggest that you might drop into the
+Eldorado some evening this week and judge for yourself.
+
+_Mr. Toov. (recoiling in consternation)._ I? I drop into a music-hall?
+Oh, I couldn't, indeed! Why, I never was in such a place in all my
+life. And if anybody were to see me there!
+
+_Curph._ You need not be seen at all. There are private boxes where no
+one would notice you, I could easily get them to send you one, if you
+like.
+
+_Mr. Toov. (to himself)._ What a power the Press is, to be sure!
+I remember CHARLES said that newspaper writers could get seats for
+everything. (_Aloud._) Really, I hardly know what to say; it's so very
+contrary to all my habits, and then--to go alone. Now if _you_ would
+only accompany me----
+
+_Curph._ You forget, Sir, that's quite impossible. _I_ can't come in
+the box with you!
+
+_Mr. Toov. (to himself)._ There it is--it's against his principles to
+go himself, and yet he expects _me_ to! (_Aloud, peevishly._) Then why
+are you so anxious to have _me_ go, eh?
+
+_Curph._ Why? Because there are Mrs. TOOVEY'S prejudices to be
+considered, and I'm anxious that you should be in a position to assure
+her from your own personal experience that----
+
+_Mr. Toov._ Oh, my dear young friend, if I did go, I don't think I
+could ever mention such an experience as that to Mrs. TOOVEY. She--she
+might fail to understand that I merely went for the satisfaction of my
+own conscience.
+
+_Curph._ She might, of course. So long as you satisfy yourself, then.
+And--what night will suit you best?
+
+_Mr. Toov._ You're in such a hurry, young man. I--I never said I
+should go. I'm not at all sure that I _can_ go; but if I did allow
+myself to venture, it would have to be some evening when my wife--let
+me see, on Saturday she's going out to some special meeting of her
+Zenana Mission Committee, I know. It had better be Saturday, if at
+all--if at all.
+
+_Curph. (making a note)._ Very well. I will see you have a box for
+that evening, and I hope you will manage to go. But there's a train
+coming in--I must really be off. Good-bye, Sir, and very many thanks
+for the kind and generous way in which you have treated me. I am
+very glad we have had this explanation, and thoroughly understand one
+another. Good-bye--good-bye!
+
+  [_He shakes_ Mr. TOOVEY'S _hand with cordial gratitude, and rushes out_.
+
+_Mr. Toov. (looking after him in some mystification)._ A most
+high-minded young man, but a little too officious. And I don't
+understand why he makes such a point of my going to this Eldorado
+_now_. But, if I do go, I mayn't see anything to disapprove of; and,
+if I don't, I shall keep the shares--whether he likes it or not. He
+may be a very worthy young man, but I doubt whether he's quite a man
+of the world!
+
+END OF SCENE V.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+A STUDY IN PRESS-LAND.
+
+(_An Actuality, in one short Scene, at the service of the Institute of
+Journalists._)
+
+SCENE--_An Editor's Room._ Editor _discovered in conversation with_
+Would-be Reporter.
+
+_Editor (preparing to resume his work)._ Well, from all you tell me, I
+imagine you must be a most accomplished person.
+
+_Would-be Reporter (smiling)._ Well, I believe I am up to the standard
+required by the Institute of Journalists. My classics are fairly good,
+but I do not know as much as I should of mixed mathematics. However,
+I took a double first at Oxford; but then I had a particularly easy
+year. All the men against me were practically duffers.
+
+_Ed. (slightly interested)._ Do you know anything of modern languages?
+
+_W.-be Rep._ Well, yes. I can speak and write European in all its
+branches, including Swedish and Norwegian _patois_, and the _argot_
+used on the borders of Turkey and Greece. I am fairly well up in
+Chinese, but have only a general idea of the grammar of Afghanistan.
+But I may add that I am spending four hours a day in completing this
+part of my training.
+
+_Ed._ I think you said that you have passed in engineering,
+orchestra-playing, astronomy, naval and military tactics, and the
+history of the world, and the other components of the planetary
+system?
+
+_W.-be Rep._ Certainly; I have in every way (save that I have still
+to pass in Roman Law) satisfied the requirements of the Institute
+of Journalists. I am all but qualified for the reception of an
+Associate's degree.
+
+_Ed. (with a view to closing the interview)._ Very well, then; we
+shall be glad to use anything you may be good enough to send us--of
+course, at the customary rate.
+
+_W.-be Rep. (gratefully)._ A thousand thanks. I know; three-half-pence
+a line, with a minimum of three shillings.
+
+_Ed._ Precisely. (_Taking up his pen._) And now, as my Sub-editor
+told me that there was a fire somewhere in the neighbourhood, you had
+better look after it.
+
+_W.-be Rep._ Thank you so much. But as I have forgotten to bring my
+reporter's-book, perhaps you will kindly lend me some copy-paper?
+
+_Ed._ Certainly; you will find some in that corner. (_He approaches
+speaking-tube, to which he has been summoned by a whistle._) Ah! You
+need not trouble after the fire, for I find we have already received a
+report from someone on the spot.
+
+_W.-be Rep. (in a tone of disappointment)._ What a bore! just as I was
+going to report it myself! However, better luck next time.
+
+_Ed. (courteously)._ I hope so; good morning. (_Exit_ Would-be
+Reporter.) What a nuisance these fellows are! Highly educated,
+of course, and all that sort of thing; but I am not sure that the
+rough-and-ready school was not the better.
+
+_W.-be Rep. (re-entering hurriedly)._ My good Sir! Fancy! the man
+who has sent you the report of the local fire was educated at a small
+grammar-school, and never even entered a university!
+
+_Ed._ Well, what of that?
+
+_W.-be Rep. (surprised)._ You surely won't use his copy?
+
+_Ed. (decisively)._ I surely shall. First come, first served. And now
+you must allow me. (_Returns to his work, to the surprise and disgust
+of_ Would-be Reporter. _Curtain._)
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+"PIECE AND WAR!" AT DRURY LANE.
+
+"Victory sits on our helms!" cries Sir DRURIOLANUS AUCTOR to HENRICUS
+PARVUS ETIAM AUCTOR, as they drive back to "The Helms, Regent's Park,"
+after the curtain has descended on the last scene of the last act of
+_A Life of Pleasure_ at Drury Lane. Twice has Sir DRURIOLANUS appeared
+before the footlights at the end of the Fourth Act, when some battle
+in Burmah is gallantly won by the united dramatic forces under the
+heroic but comic Captain HARRY NICHOLLS, Colonel Lord FRANK FENTON
+AVONDALE, Sergeant CLARENCE HOLT, and a handful of the bravest
+soldiers that ever marched to glory over the boards of old Drury Lane.
+What the story is, and how these heroes got into the jungle and out
+again, and how the right man married the right woman, and how the
+wronged woman would have saved the villain from the vengeance of HENRY
+DESMOND O'NEVILLE,--who, alas, had to stay in the green-room while
+the others were distinguishing themselves in Burmah,--is known to the
+clever collaborators and a few of their trusted confidants. Of that
+strange history I, a mere civilian, had every detail blown clean out
+of my head by the din of the great battle. In fact, never have I heard
+of any "theatrical engagement" equal to this.
+
+[Illustration: "The Action of the Piece."]
+
+That Miss LILY HANBURY looked lovely, and touched my heart; that Mrs.
+BERNARD-BEERE suddenly developed a brogue that, on occasion, betrayed
+her nationality; that Miss LE THIÈRE was a villainous matron; that
+Miss LAURA LINDEN was sprightly and pretty; that Mr. ARTHUR DACRE was
+the best representative of lop-sided villainy ever seen on the stage;
+and that Mr. ROBERT SOUTAR reappeared as an elderly masher about town;
+all this, I am ready to admit, would have been good enough for
+me, without any attempt on my part at stringing them together in a
+consecutive story. Didn't I know from the very moment she appeared
+in deep black, and with a very pale face, that Miss LE THIÈRE was a
+villain of the deepest dye in petticoats? Could I have trusted Mr.
+ARTHUR DACRE, in his neat grey suit, with a sixpence, much less
+with my life? As for Mr. ELTON, representing the Hebraic
+money-lender--indispensable of late years to all Drury Lane
+dramas--wasn't I well aware that he was to be the comic villain, only
+set up to be knocked down again, and to be finally bowled out by
+the apparently simple HARRY NICHOLLS? Then there is the scene at the
+Empire, admirably stage-managed, but the ladies should try to take
+just a trifle more interest in the strange proceedings of that
+eventful night, as they should also do when re-appearing as wedding
+guests in the last act. But these fair ladies are heartless; all's
+one to them, happen what may. Then there was the House-boat, equally
+well-arranged; but everything is entirely eclipsed by the Military
+Act, in three scenes, which contains "the action of the piece," and
+leaves the audience half-deafened by mitrailleuses, and half-choked by
+the gunpowder. But as the smoke gradually cleared away, the stalwart
+figure of the Commander-in-Chief, yclept DRURIOLANUS himself, was seen
+bowing his acknowledgments.
+
+But what was it all about? "'Why, that I cannot tell,' quoth Old
+CASPAR, 'but 'twas a famous victory!'" And if you, my non-combatant
+readers, wish to know how the Burmese War was undertaken for the
+special benefit of HARRY NICHOLLS, you just go and see for yourself
+the new drama, mysteriously entitled _A Life of Pleasure_, at T. R.
+Drury Lane, and for this advice you will thank
+
+  "OLD CASPAR."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+A MOOT POINT.--The G. O. M. is reported to have been engaged in
+translating _Horace_. Is this a picturesque way of referring to the
+recent elevation of Sir HORACE DAVEY?
+
+UNHAPPY INFLUENCE OF MODERN MUSIC-HALL MELODIES.
+
+"THERE LIES THE BRAVE KNIGHT, DARLING, WITH HIS FAITHFUL DOG AT HIS
+FEET, AND HIS WIFE BY HIS SIDE!"
+
+"AND HAS SHE GOT A DOG, TOO, MUMMY?"
+
+"NO, DARLING, ONLY A CUSHION!"
+
+"AH, I SUPPOSE HER DADDY _WOULDN'T_ BUY HER A BOW-WOW-WOW!"
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+THE "FORLORN HOPE."
+
+    ["It is understood (says the _Daily News_) that Mr. GLADSTONE
+    will speak in Edinburgh on Wednesday, September 27, on the
+    action of the House of Lords in rejecting the Home-Rule Bill.
+    His followers are expecting him to give the word of command
+    for an attack on the Upper House."]
+
+  "_CHILDE ROLAND to the Dark Tower came!_" So runs
+    The boding refrain BROWNING visioned out.
+    CHILDE ROLAND valiant was, and wondrous stout;
+  But that Dark Tower, which never noonday suns,
+  Full-garrisoned by feudal myrmidons,
+    Might strike to ROLAND'S heart the chill of doubt.
+
+  Four-square to the four winds the fortress stands,
+    Pinnacled high upon a frowning rock.
+    It hath survived the many-centuried shock
+  Of elements, the assault of myriad hands,
+  And to the attack will you now lead your _bands_,
+    Whose rage crag-crowning battlements seem to mock?
+
+  True from those battlements they've hung, in scorn,
+    Your herald, whose torn trappings wildly wave
+    In the rough wind. Though 'tis too late to save
+  You'd fain avenge. Such flouts are hardly borne
+  By Leaders whilst old lips can sound a horn
+    And hands, though ancient, yet can lift a glaive.
+
+  Sound an alarm! Let the fierce war-cry sound!
+    Your followers listen for it. They will cheer
+    When its defiant shrill salutes their ear.
+  Down with the Fortress! Raze it to the ground!
+  End it, not mend it! So they rattle round,
+    The shoutings and the floutings far and near.
+
+  And you, the new CHILDE ROLAND, what think you,
+    At heart, behind that bold and fluent tongue?
+    Lead a Forlorn Hope? Yes, though Death's self flung
+  Its form of bony shape and grisly hue
+  Athwart your path! But--is here aught to do
+    That's _worth_ the venture, when all's said and sung?
+
+  "_If, at their counsel, I should turn aside
+    Into that ominous tract which all agree
+    Hides the Dark Tower? If acquiescingly
+  I do turn as they've pointed! Neither pride
+  Nor hope rekindling at the end descried
+    So much in gladness that some end should be._
+
+  "_Thus, I have so long suffered in this quest
+    Heard failure prophesied so oft, been writ
+    So many times among 'The Band'--to wit
+  The knights who to the Dark Tower's search addressed
+  Their steps--that just to fail as they, seemed best
+    And all the doubt is now--shall I be fit?_
+
+  "_What in the mist lies but the Tower itself?
+    The square squat turrets, blind as the fool's heart,
+    Built of grey stone, without a counterpart
+  In the whole world. The tempest's mocking elf
+  Points to the shipman thus the unseen shelf
+    He strikes on, only when the timbers start._"
+
+  So mused CHILDE ROLAND! Chief of the white crest,
+    With thine adventure doth the strain not fit
+    Most strangely? Looms the Dark Tower turret-lit
+  By autumn rays low, chilly, from the west,
+  So waterishly wan. Oh! crowning test
+    Of mortal valour and of human wit!
+
+  Lead the Forlorn Hope on! E'en Hopes Forlorn
+    Do not fail always. Scale the craggy height!
+    Cheer on your clamorous followers to the fight.
+  Citadels deemed impregnable, in scorn
+  _Have_ mocked their rash beleaguerers at morn
+    To see them swarm their battlements ere night.
+
+  And you, your courage seems to master Fate
+    And mock at Time. Yet Time and Fate, at last,
+    In the greatest life-game have the latest cast.
+  Heroic 'tis to see you, strong, elate,
+  Heading the onset, and in _Punch's_ pate
+    Rings the old rhyme of the romantic past.
+
+  "There they stood, ranged along the hillsides--met
+    To view the last of me, a living frame
+    For one more picture! in a sheet of flame
+  I saw them and I knew them all. And yet
+  Dauntless the slug-horn to my lips I set
+    And blew. '_CHILDE ROLAND to the Dark Tower came._'"
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+CONTRIBUTED BY ONE "_IN STATU PUPILLARI_."--Great changes are
+expected in Egypt. It is said that a certain well-known oculist,
+no, we beg his pardon, we should have described him as "Ophthalmic
+Surgeon," whose name is something between "Crotchet" and "Cricket,"
+and whose recent evidence in a police-court was quite "an eye-opener"
+to the worthy magistrate and the prisoners, is going out to remove
+the First Cataract. We wish him every possible success. He will be
+returned for the next Parliament as the Member for Eye.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: THE "FORLORN HOPE."]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  _"BREEZES"_
+
+  --_in the "Daily Graphic" Office!!_
+
+That "Weather Young Person" has been caught out in a piece of
+barefaced duplicity of which _Mr. Punch_ would not have suspected her
+capable. From a sense of professional duty, no doubt, she has
+been surreptitiously attending the meetings of the "Congress of
+Journalists," leaving a plausible substitute in her place! Climatic
+disturbances have revealed the fraud!!
+
+  _Storm Cone hoisted!!_]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+CROWNING THE EDIFICE.
+
+(_A Study Translated into English from Zolaesque._)
+
+EMILE was triumphant. The arm-chair of the Academy was still vacant.
+He did not yet fill it. But, for all that, he was triumphant, for he
+had performed a brave action. He had achieved a veritable success. It
+was more than thousands from the coffers of the publishers, more
+than pages of praises of the papers. It was a great event at length
+wonderfully accomplished.
+
+EMILE sat in his London lodgings satisfied with all his surroundings.
+Of course, he was interviewed. He had been followed from France to
+England, and had seen in an evening paper an account of the temporary
+indisposition of one very dear to him on board the boat. He was
+prepared for his visitor.
+
+"I am very comfortable. I think England charming; love its fog, and am
+deeply impressed with the LORD MAYOR. I soon had enough of the first
+meeting of the Congress of the Institute, but thought the ball at
+Guildhall excellent. I really have no more to say. Next please." But
+his Interviewer was not to be discarded hurriedly. He stood to his
+guns, or, rather, his reporter's book.
+
+"Are you not proud of all your volumes? Do you not think that by
+writing them you have achieved the success of the century?"
+
+"I am certainly proud of my work. But my work is not my greatest
+achievement. No, a thousand times no, it is not my greatest
+achievement."
+
+"Well what is?" asked the Interviewer; and then he added, "Please
+look sharp about it, as I have to do the Archbishop of CANTERBURY, Mr.
+MONTE CARLO WELLS, and Mr. BALFOUR, before I return to the office."
+
+"Yes, I am prouder of this last feat," pursued the Master, ignoring
+the presence of the Reporter, "than the rest put together. It has
+taken me all my life to make up my mind to do it; but it is done at
+last."
+
+"Of what are you speaking?"
+
+"Yes, what are my novels compared to the heroism of those sixty-five
+minutes! That hour has been a bar to my compatriots. It has kept them
+in France. And now I am their superior. I have at length the right to
+boast a triumph!"
+
+The Interviewer made an entry in his note-book, then he asked for
+further explanation.
+
+"And so you are prouder of this event than all your hard-earned fame.
+And now tell me what event has so greatly moved you?"
+
+"With pleasure. But listen. For twenty years I have laboured to
+write the history of France in romance. And when I say the history of
+France, I mean that part of the nation's story which has sprung from
+the Third Empire."
+
+"Yes, yes," interrupted the Interviewer; "and you have done it well.
+But pardon me, I am pressed for time. His Grace of CANTERBURY awaits
+me at Lambeth. Out with it! What is your special cause for pride?"
+
+"Yes, I have been maligned, misunderstood, insulted, hated. But
+men must now call me a man of great courage, a man of infinite
+determination. For I have done it. Yes, after a lifetime of careful
+consideration I have done it!"
+
+"Done what?" asked the Interviewer, who was growing impatient.
+
+Then came the reply, uttered in a tone of indescribable emotion:
+
+"I have crossed the Channel!"
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+"MY CUMMERBUND."
+
+_Sunday._--At Club. Conversation (learned) about epidemics. Heard
+somebody (an authority of course on the subject) say, "Oh, rub plenty
+of camphor into your cummerbund." Replied, "Yes; good idea." Wrote
+it down. Was going to question him as to details, but found he had
+quitted the club. Know what camphor is, not quite certain as to
+"cummerbund." Think it's Indian. Called in at Oriental Club. Old
+Oriental says, "Only natives wear cummerbunds." Oh, then "cummerbund"
+is not something to eat or drink? "No; it's a kind of cloth. Get 'em
+anywhere now." Anywhere? It appears I am behind the age. Everyone,
+except myself apparently, knows all about a "cummerbund." It sounds a
+bit Scotch; also German. "Cummer" Scotch; "Bund" German. German Bund.
+To be obtained at hosier's, or at any emporium for Indian clothing.
+Good.
+
+_Monday._--Bought cummerbund. Bright colour; neat. Bought also large
+bottle of camphor. Rubbed it in. Strong smell--more than strong. But
+self-preservation is first law, &c., &c., so get accustomed to it.
+After one day's wearing, don't notice saturated cummerbund. Quite
+accustomed to it.
+
+_Tuesday._--Went to see SMITH. "Hullo, old fellow," he says, "afraid
+of moths in your clothes, eh?" Ask what he means. He mentions strong
+smell of camphor. I explain my preventive measures. "Oh, that's all
+very well!" he returns; "but the very best thing is to soak your shirt
+in turpentine. I'm sure of it." Sure he is right, because he is a
+student at Guy's. Thank him warmly for this life-saving hint. Rush
+home; follow his advice. Beastly smell at first, but soon cease to
+notice it. Continue wearing camphorated cummerbund also, as an extra
+precaution. Call on Mrs. MONTGOMERY-MUMBY. Sweet girl her niece!
+Somehow she seems to avoid me, a thing she never did before. So they
+all do, and I have no one to talk to but a crippled uncle of
+theirs, who apparently has a bad cold in his head, for he holds his
+handkerchief to his nose all the time. JONES called. Says he has seen
+SMITH. "By Jove!" he exclaims, "you've been going in for oil painting,
+or chemistry, or something. There's a tremendous smell of turpentine."
+I explain. "Oh, there's no harm in that," he says; "but a far better
+thing is to wet your waistcoat with carbolic acid. Antiseptic, you
+know." Now he is a student at Bart's, and probably knows as much as
+SMITH. Thank him, and resolve to try his preventive in addition to
+the other. Down to Eastbourne. Everyone clears out of railway carriage
+soon after I get in, except one old man, who says he is a medical man,
+and that a plentiful use of disinfectants is no doubt advisable.
+
+_Wednesday._--Meet ROBINSON on the Parade. Says he saw SMITH on
+Tuesday. Asks me what I think of the epidemic scare. Explain my
+precautions. "Thought I noticed an awful smell," he says. "Hope
+it's all right. As for me, I believe there's nothing like pouring
+sulphuretted hydrogen all over the inside of your coat. Had it from
+my uncle, who was Medical Officer of Health at Benares." An invaluable
+suggestion; buy a bottle, and follow his directions when dressing
+for dinner. Horrible stench, like rotten eggs! However, soon get
+accustomed to it. To a dance at the CHOLMONDELEY-CHICKS'S. Never more
+annoyed in my life. Every girl says she has no dance left. What
+can have offended them all? The only partner I have is
+CHOLMONDELEY-CHICK'S maiden aunt, and she faints in my arms after
+going once round the room. However, I have a good supper, for the
+dining-room is quite empty all the time I am in it, so I can get as
+much as I like.
+
+_Thursday._--Back to town. TOMKINS looks in. Says he saw SMITH the other
+day. Then looks curiously all round room. "Do you keep eggs in this room?"
+he asks; "hot weather turned 'em bad, eh?" Explain that I have used
+sulphuretted hydrogen. "Those chemical things," he says, holding his nose,
+"are not half so good as plain, homely preparations. The finest thing of
+all is to soak all your clothes in gin and peppermint. Had it from a man
+who ought to know, for he spent last autumn in Hamburg and used bottles
+full." Thank him with sincere gratitude, and as soon as possible try this
+new precaution. To theatre. People near me begin a great talking.
+Commissionaire asks me to leave. Says "money will be returned." Hanged
+if I go! I've paid for this seat. Then a fearful uproar starts. Do not
+remember details of fight, but find myself "chucked" into the roadway.
+Policeman picks me up as drunk and incapable. Spend night in police-cell.
+* * * * Explanations magisterially accepted.... Apology given and taken.
+Off (with the cummerbund), and away for a tour in the North.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: A VERY GREAT MAN.
+
+(_Cub Hunting._)
+
+_Young Farmer._ "WELL, MASTER JACK! OUT AGAIN?"
+
+_Master Jack._ "WHY, YES. FACT IS, YOU KNOW, ALWAYS LIKE TO GET
+AS MUCH IN AS POSSIBLE BEFORE WE BEGIN TO ADVERTISE. BRINGS SUCH A
+BEASTLY LOT O' DUFFERS OUT, DON'T YOU KNOW!"]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.
+
+CHATTO AND WINDUS have just issued a new edition of OUIDA'S _Dog of
+Flanders_. The well-got-up and cheaply-priced volume contains three
+other Stories, nearly as charming. In the quartette OUIDA, my Baronite
+says, will be found at her best--OUIDA, without the weeds of grossness
+and comical classicality that sometimes grow in her pastures. Of this
+volume of her works it may be said that, happily, LEMPRIÈRE is not in
+it.
+
+To those about to travel, whether there and back, or there or back,
+is immaterial, the Baron strongly recommends _The Great Shadow_ and
+_Beyond the City_, two stories in one volume by CONAN DOYLE, published
+in ARROWSMITH'S three and sixpenny series. It is a long time since the
+Baron has read a more dramatically told story than that of _The Great
+Shadow_. Truly, if his opinion had been asked, he would have seriously
+advised any novelist against attempting, in any form, a description of
+the Battle of Waterloo. Yet, though CONAN DOYLE has done it admirably,
+there is, thinks the Baron, just one chapter too much of this work. No
+one, since CHARLES LEVER wrote, has achieved anything like it, though
+there is just a smack of _Orthis Mulcaney & Co._ about it which--"but
+that is another story." The Baron finding no fault with the
+illustrations as illustrations, wishes that the tales had been left
+to themselves, and that they had been told without these superfluous
+aids. It is a pleasure to recommend such a book, and it _is_
+recommended by everybody's trusted Literary Adviser, THE BARON DE
+BOOK-WORMS.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+What the Vicar of Amesbury Inclines to Say.
+
+(_Judging from his Letter in the "Standard," September 22, on the
+Desecration or Preservation of Stonehenge Question._)
+
+  My friends, for goodness' sake forbear
+  From fussy interference here.
+  Blest be the man who "makes no bones,",
+  And blamed be he who stirs these stones!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+HISTORY REPEATS ITSELF.
+
+(_A Thought at the Haymarket Theatre._)
+
+  The first appearance "of the Personal Devil"
+  Was nigh the Tree of Knowledge, good and evil;
+  And so the Tempter's latest _rôle_ we see
+  Is still associated with a TREE.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
+
+EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.
+
+_House of Commons, Wednesday, September 20._--Met WOODALL, V.C.,
+crossing Lobby just now on the way to his battlemented tower.
+Shouldn't have known him--indeed, had passed him, when I recognised
+his voice hailing me. It had an unusually tinny sound, due to fact
+that it made its way through the interstices of a closed visor.
+
+"Good gracious, WOODALL!" I said; "is that you? I thought it was one
+of the figures from the Tower taking an airing."
+
+"Yes," said the Financial Secretary to the War Office with same
+vibrating, tinny intonation, "by my halidome (so to speak) it's me:
+and precious hot and generally uncomfortable it is, too, I can tell
+you. The things don't fit, you see; borrowed them from the Tower;
+some a size too large, which is bad; others a turn too small, which,
+considering they are made in metal, is worse."
+
+WOODALL got up, regardless of expense, in helmet, breastplate, things
+like kneecaps, and a piece of sheet-iron fitted to the small of his
+back.
+
+"What do you do it for, then?"
+
+With difficulty WOODALL, V.C., unhooked something in his visor, and,
+after cautiously looking round, took it off.
+
+"Haven't you heard," he said, as he mopped his forehead, "of the
+Secret Society, sworn to decimate us fellows of the War Office? Began
+with ST. JOHN BRODRICK, who narrowly escaped assassination in the
+streets; went on to CAMPBELL-BANNERMAN, who was threatened with sudden
+death. Now they've turned their attention on me. Every post brings
+an anonymous letter, advising me that my end approaches. They are
+in different handwriting, but the note-paper enjoys in common the
+adornment of a death's-head and cross-bones. Sometimes there's a
+coffin underneath; occasionally this accessory is omitted; it is made
+up for in the added ferocity of the communication. This makes one very
+uneasy. I daresay you have observed how stout CAMPBELL-BANNERMAN looks
+of late. It's only his shirt of mail, worn under his ordinary linen.
+He says he's going to Marienbad to get rid of it; that's only his
+joke. As for me, I don't think it's worth mincing matters. I, as you
+see, go the whole animal; but it's very wearing. SANDHURST told me
+it was a case of armour or assassination. Having tried the armour
+for three days, am not quite sure I should not prefer assassination.
+Excuse me, there's a strange man lingering in the corner."
+
+[Illustration: Woodall, V.C.]
+
+And WOODALL, shutting his head up in the helmet, warily walked off.
+
+[Illustration: WHO WOULD BE AN M.P.?
+
+_A Warning to Aspiring Legislators._]
+
+_Business done._--Appropriation Bill read a Second time.
+
+_Friday._--All over. Royal Assent given to Appropriation Bill. Curtain
+falls on last scene in Act I. of Session 1893; a play in two Acts.
+
+"And whose Session should you say it has been, TOBY?" asked ROWTON, a
+man of universal sympathies, and an insatiable thirst for knowledge.
+
+"Mr. G.'s, I suppose. At least, that will be the general verdict. He
+has outshone himself. Whether you like what he has done or detest it,
+you must pay homage to the tireless energy, the infinite skill, and
+the matchless eloquence with which it has been accomplished. JOSEPH
+has excelled himself as a Parliamentary force; PRINCE ARTHUR has taken
+a long stride in the direction of establishing himself in position
+of Leader. These things are obvious, and will be said everywhere. But
+since you ask me whose Session it has been, I should say it has been
+MARJORIBANKS'. It's all very well to have a supreme Parliamentarian
+leading majority, small but compact. If you haven't got a Whip that
+can keep them together, who not only has them there on big field
+night, but always on the spot to repel surprises, where are you? In
+ordinary times it's comparatively easy to keep the Conservatives in
+hand, whether in office or out. Out or in the Liberals are skittish.
+This Session things have been peculiarly critical, as is shown in the
+cases of NAPOLEON BOLTONPARTY and the SENTENTIOUS SAUNDERS. To keep
+a majority safe and steady at such times requires in a Whip a rare
+combination of gifts and graces. With the assistance of an excellent
+team, MARJORIBANKS has done this. It is a minor Ministerial post,
+but the service rendered is incalculable. So if you want to name the
+Session, call it MAJORITYBANKS'."
+
+[Illustration: Expiring Law Continuance Bill passing through
+Committee.]
+
+_Business done._--Parliament adjourned till November 2.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+PERSONAL COURAGE.--A Reuter's telegram last week states that "The
+Brazilian Minister here refuses to be interviewed."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+THE JOLLY YOUNG WATERMAIDS.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+  And have you not read of eight jolly young watermaids,
+    Lately at Cookham accustomed to ply
+  And feather their oars with a deal of dexterity,
+    Pleasing the critical masculine eye?
+  They swing so truly and pull so steadily,
+  Multitudes flock to the river-side readily;--
+  It's not the eighth wonder that all the world's there,
+  But this watermaid eight, ne'er in want of a stare.
+  What sights of white costumes! What ties and what hatbands,
+    "Leander cerise!" We don't wish to offend,
+  But are these first thoughts with the dashing young women
+    Who don't dash too much in a spurt off Bourne End?
+  Mere nonsense, of course! There's no "giggling and leering"--
+  Complete ruination to rowing and steering;--
+  "All eyes in the boat" is their coach's first care,
+  And "a spin of twelve miles" is as naught to the fair.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+THEATRICAL NEWS.--During the absence of _Beckett_ from London, and
+_The Second Mrs. Tanqueray_ having left town, _The Tempter_ in the
+Haymarket tried to entice _Charley's Aunt_ from the Globe to go in for
+_A Life of Pleasure_ at Drury Lane, but _The Other Fellow_ from the
+Court induced her to go for _A Trip to Chicago_ in The Vaudeville,
+where he cruelly abandoned her, to take up with _La Fille de Madame
+Angot_, at the Criterion. But she soon let him know what _A
+Woman's Revenge_ at the Adelphi was like, and he sailed away in
+the Shaftesbury, _Morocco Bound_, pursued by _Don Quixote_, who had
+watched the proceedings from the Strand. The lady who in the meantime
+had obtained the fortunate talisman of _La Mascotte_ from the Gaiety,
+was provided by DALY'S Company with _Dollars and Sense_, and is now
+doing uncommonly well. But the villain, who would have made her his
+victim, will soon experience the result of _Sowing the Wind_ at the
+Comedy.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+"SUBGRADUATUS INDIGNANS" writes.--"SIR,--Within the last fortnight on
+one day I find in the _Standard_ that '_seventy degrees were recorded
+at Cambridge_!' How's this? During Long Vacation!! Who conferred these
+degrees? What degrees? Who got 'em? Where's the Vice-Chancellor? I
+pause for a reply. P S.--Beg pardon! Find I have overlooked head of
+paragraph, '_The falling barometer_,' &c., &c., so that _perhaps_ I
+may be in error."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+
+
+
+Transcriber's Note
+
+Page 149: 'orchesta' corrected to 'orchestra' "orchestra-playing,
+astronomy, naval and military tactics,"
+
+'just as I was going to it report myself!' corrected to 'just as I was
+going to report it myself!'
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume
+105, September 30th 1893, by Various
+
+*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH, OR THE LONDON ***
+
+***** This file should be named 38672-8.txt or 38672-8.zip *****
+This and all associated files of various formats will be found in:
+        http://www.gutenberg.org/3/8/6/7/38672/
+
+Produced by Malcolm Farmer, Lesley Halamek and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions
+will be renamed.
+
+Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no
+one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation
+(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without
+permission and without paying copyright royalties.  Special rules,
+set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to
+copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to
+protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark.  Project
+Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you
+charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission.  If you
+do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the
+rules is very easy.  You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose
+such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and
+research.  They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do
+practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks.  Redistribution is
+subject to the trademark license, especially commercial
+redistribution.
+
+
+
+*** START: FULL LICENSE ***
+
+THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE
+PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK
+
+To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free
+distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work
+(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project
+Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project
+Gutenberg-tm License (available with this file or online at
+http://gutenberg.org/license).
+
+
+Section 1.  General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic works
+
+1.A.  By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to
+and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property
+(trademark/copyright) agreement.  If you do not agree to abide by all
+the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy
+all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession.
+If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the
+terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or
+entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8.
+
+1.B.  "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark.  It may only be
+used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who
+agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement.  There are a few
+things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works
+even without complying with the full terms of this agreement.  See
+paragraph 1.C below.  There are a lot of things you can do with Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement
+and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works.  See paragraph 1.E below.
+
+1.C.  The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation"
+or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic works.  Nearly all the individual works in the
+collection are in the public domain in the United States.  If an
+individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are
+located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from
+copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative
+works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg
+are removed.  Of course, we hope that you will support the Project
+Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by
+freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of
+this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with
+the work.  You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by
+keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project
+Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others.
+
+1.D.  The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern
+what you can do with this work.  Copyright laws in most countries are in
+a constant state of change.  If you are outside the United States, check
+the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement
+before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or
+creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project
+Gutenberg-tm work.  The Foundation makes no representations concerning
+the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United
+States.
+
+1.E.  Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg:
+
+1.E.1.  The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate
+access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently
+whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the
+phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project
+Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed,
+copied or distributed:
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+1.E.2.  If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived
+from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is
+posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied
+and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees
+or charges.  If you are redistributing or providing access to a work
+with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the
+work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1
+through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the
+Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or
+1.E.9.
+
+1.E.3.  If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted
+with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution
+must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional
+terms imposed by the copyright holder.  Additional terms will be linked
+to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the
+permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work.
+
+1.E.4.  Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this
+work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm.
+
+1.E.5.  Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this
+electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without
+prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with
+active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project
+Gutenberg-tm License.
+
+1.E.6.  You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary,
+compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any
+word processing or hypertext form.  However, if you provide access to or
+distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than
+"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version
+posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org),
+you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a
+copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon
+request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other
+form.  Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1.
+
+1.E.7.  Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying,
+performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works
+unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.
+
+1.E.8.  You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing
+access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided
+that
+
+- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from
+     the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method
+     you already use to calculate your applicable taxes.  The fee is
+     owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he
+     has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the
+     Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation.  Royalty payments
+     must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you
+     prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax
+     returns.  Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and
+     sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the
+     address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to
+     the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation."
+
+- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies
+     you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he
+     does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+     License.  You must require such a user to return or
+     destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium
+     and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of
+     Project Gutenberg-tm works.
+
+- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any
+     money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the
+     electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days
+     of receipt of the work.
+
+- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free
+     distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works.
+
+1.E.9.  If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set
+forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from
+both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael
+Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark.  Contact the
+Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below.
+
+1.F.
+
+1.F.1.  Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable
+effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread
+public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm
+collection.  Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain
+"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or
+corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual
+property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a
+computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by
+your equipment.
+
+1.F.2.  LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right
+of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project
+Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project
+Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all
+liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal
+fees.  YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT
+LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE
+PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE
+TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE
+LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR
+INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH
+DAMAGE.
+
+1.F.3.  LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a
+defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can
+receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a
+written explanation to the person you received the work from.  If you
+received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with
+your written explanation.  The person or entity that provided you with
+the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a
+refund.  If you received the work electronically, the person or entity
+providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to
+receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund.  If the second copy
+is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further
+opportunities to fix the problem.
+
+1.F.4.  Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth
+in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS' WITH NO OTHER
+WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO
+WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE.
+
+1.F.5.  Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied
+warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages.
+If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the
+law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be
+interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by
+the applicable state law.  The invalidity or unenforceability of any
+provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions.
+
+1.F.6.  INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the
+trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone
+providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance
+with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production,
+promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works,
+harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees,
+that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do
+or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm
+work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any
+Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause.
+
+
+Section  2.  Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of
+electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers
+including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers.  It exists
+because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from
+people in all walks of life.
+
+Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the
+assistance they need, are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's
+goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will
+remain freely available for generations to come.  In 2001, the Project
+Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure
+and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations.
+To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation
+and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4
+and the Foundation web page at http://www.pglaf.org.
+
+
+Section 3.  Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive
+Foundation
+
+The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit
+501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the
+state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal
+Revenue Service.  The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification
+number is 64-6221541.  Its 501(c)(3) letter is posted at
+http://pglaf.org/fundraising.  Contributions to the Project Gutenberg
+Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent
+permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws.
+
+The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S.
+Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered
+throughout numerous locations.  Its business office is located at
+809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887, email
+business@pglaf.org.  Email contact links and up to date contact
+information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official
+page at http://pglaf.org
+
+For additional contact information:
+     Dr. Gregory B. Newby
+     Chief Executive and Director
+     gbnewby@pglaf.org
+
+
+Section 4.  Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg
+Literary Archive Foundation
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide
+spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of
+increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be
+freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest
+array of equipment including outdated equipment.  Many small donations
+($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt
+status with the IRS.
+
+The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating
+charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United
+States.  Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a
+considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up
+with these requirements.  We do not solicit donations in locations
+where we have not received written confirmation of compliance.  To
+SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any
+particular state visit http://pglaf.org
+
+While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we
+have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition
+against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who
+approach us with offers to donate.
+
+International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make
+any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from
+outside the United States.  U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff.
+
+Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation
+methods and addresses.  Donations are accepted in a number of other
+ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations.
+To donate, please visit: http://pglaf.org/donate
+
+
+Section 5.  General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works.
+
+Professor Michael S. Hart is the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm
+concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared
+with anyone.  For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project
+Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support.
+
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed
+editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S.
+unless a copyright notice is included.  Thus, we do not necessarily
+keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition.
+
+
+Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility:
+
+     http://www.gutenberg.org
+
+This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm,
+including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary
+Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to
+subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks.
diff --git a/38672-8.zip b/38672-8.zip
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..642d9da
--- /dev/null
+++ b/38672-8.zip
diff --git a/38672-h.zip b/38672-h.zip
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..27afcb3
--- /dev/null
+++ b/38672-h.zip
diff --git a/38672-h/38672-h.htm b/38672-h/38672-h.htm
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..30a2e6f
--- /dev/null
+++ b/38672-h/38672-h.htm
@@ -0,0 +1,1810 @@
+<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Transitional//EN"
+    "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-transitional.dtd">
+
+<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml">
+<head>
+  <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=iso-8859-1" />
+
+  <title>Punch, 30th September, 1893.</title>
+
+  <style type="text/css">
+
+  body                 {margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;}
+  p                    {text-align: justify;}
+  .ind                 {margin-left: 2em; margin-right: 2em;}
+  .indrl               {margin-left: 2em; margin-right: 2em;}
+  .ind1                {margin-left: 5em; margin-right: 5em;}
+  .ind2                {margin-left: 8em; margin-right: 5em;}
+  .ind3                {margin-left: 25%;}
+  .right               {text-align: right; margin-right: 2em;}
+  .outdent             {text-align: left; margin-left: -2em;}
+  h1,h2,h3,h4,h5,h6    {text-align: center;}
+  blockquote           {text-align: justify; font-size: 0.9em; margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%;}
+  block                {text-align: justify; font-size: 0.95em;}
+  .sans                {font-family: sans-serif;}
+  pre                  {font-size: 0.7em;}
+  .sc                  {font-variant: small-caps;}
+  .center              {text-align: center;}
+  .center1             {text-align: center; font-size: 0.9em;}
+  td.note              {text-align: left; font-size: 0.9em; font-weight: normal; border: 1px dashed; padding: 1em;}
+  hr.full              {width: 100%;}
+  html>body hr.full    {margin-right: 0%; margin-left: 0%; width: 100%;}
+  hr.medium            {width: 76%;}
+  html>body hr.medium  {margin-right: 12%; margin-left: 12%; width: 76%;}
+  ins                  {text-decoration: none; border-bottom: dashed 1px silver;}
+  p.note               {margin-left: 25%; margin-right: 20%;}
+  p.author             {text-align: right; margin-top: -1em; margin-right: 2em;}
+  p.author1            {text-align: right;}
+  span.pagenum         {position: absolute; left: 1%; right: 91%; font-size: 8pt; text-indent: 0;}
+
+  .poem                {margin-left: 25%; margin-right: 10%; margin-bottom: 1em; text-align: left;}
+  .poem .stanza        {margin: 1em 0em 1em 0em;}
+  .poem p              {margin: 0; padding-left: 3em; text-indent: -3em;}
+  .poem p.i2           {margin-left: 1em;}
+  .poem p.i4           {margin-left: 2em;}
+  .poem p.i6           {margin-left: 3em;}
+  .poem p.i8           {margin-left: 4em;}
+  .poem p.i10          {margin-left: 5em;}
+  .poem p.i12          {margin-left: 6em;}
+  .poem p.i14          {margin-left: 7em;}
+  .poem p.i16          {margin-left: 8em;}
+
+  .figure, .figcenter, .figright, .figleft {padding: 1em; margin: 0; text-align: center; font-size: 0.8em;}
+  .figure img, .figcenter img, .figright img, .figleft img
+                       {border: none;}
+  .figure p, .figcenter p, .figright p, .figleft p
+                       {margin: 0; text-indent: 1em;}
+  .figcenter           {margin: auto;}
+  .figright            {float: right;}
+  .figleft             {float: left;}
+
+  a.footnote:link           {color: #3366ff; background: inherit; font-size: 1.2em; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none;}
+  a.footnote:visited        {color: #cc00cc; background: inherit; font-size: 1.2em; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none;}
+  a.footnote:hover          {color: #ff0000; background: inherit; text-decoration: none;}
+  a.footnote:active         {color: #00ffcc; background: inherit; text-decoration: underline;}
+
+  </style>
+</head>
+<body>
+
+
+<pre>
+
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 105,
+September 30th 1893, by Various
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 105, September 30th 1893
+
+Author: Various
+
+Editor: Sir Francis Burnand
+
+Release Date: January 25, 2012 [EBook #38672]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH, OR THE LONDON ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Malcolm Farmer, Lesley Halamek and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+
+
+
+
+</pre>
+
+
+<hr class="full" />
+
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="page145" id="page145"></a>[pg 145]</span>
+
+<h1>Punch, or the London Charivari</h1>
+
+<h2>Volume 105, September 30th 1893</h2>
+
+<h4><i>edited by Sir Francis Burnand</i></h4>
+
+<hr class="full" />
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 350px;"><a href="images/145-800.png"><img src="images/145-350.png" width="350" height="446" alt="BETWEEN FRIENDS." /></a>
+<h3 class="sans">BETWEEN FRIENDS.</h3>
+
+<p><i>Mr. Spooner, Q.C. (a Neophyte).</i> "<span class="sc">This is my Ball, I think?</span>"</p>
+
+<p><i>Colonel Bunting (an Adept).</i> "<span class="sc">By Jove, that's a jolly good
+'Lie'!</span>"</p>
+
+<p><i>Mr. Spooner.</i> "<span class="sc">Really, Bunting, we're very Old Friends, of course.
+But I do think you might find a pleasanter way of pointing out a
+perfectly unintentional Mistake!</span>"<br /><br /></p>
+
+<hr class="medium" /></div>
+
+<h2 class="sans">"DUE SOUTH!"</h2>
+
+<p>Concerning the houses on the East Cliff of "P'm'th" I cannot
+speak from residential experience. They appear to me to have been
+built with a view to using P'm'th as a winter resort only, and are
+consequently protected from the four winds of Heaven by fairly-grown
+firs, whose appearance is very suggestive of Christmas festivities
+on a gigantic scale, when they might be decorated with
+coloured lamps, flags, toys, and bonbons, all of which could be
+raffled for by the children at home for the holidays. Here in a still
+more sheltered spot, and standing, as the auctioneers and estate
+agents say, "in its own park-like grounds," of at least three acres
+and a half (more or less), is the Hot-and-Cold-Bath Hotel, which
+from its having entertained several crowned and half-crowned
+heads has fairly earned the right to the style and title "Royal"
+as a distinguishing prefix.</p>
+
+<p>The interior of this excellent hostelrie is, as far as my experience
+goes, absolutely unique. It is crammed full of works of art of
+all sorts, sizes, and varieties, so that the stranger within the hotel
+gates may spend a happy day should it rain, as it sometimes
+does even at P'm'th, in walking through the galleries, into the
+various rooms (by permission of the occupiers), and if there be no
+catalogue (I do not remember to have seen one), then he might do
+worse than make the acquaintance of the amiable Bric-à-bracketing
+and Peculiarly Polite Proprietor, Mr. <span class="sc">Wyte Wescotes</span>, who, if the
+occasion be opportune, will with pleasure become his <i>cicerone</i>, and
+show him all the treasures of this unique establishment. Or he may
+entrust himself to the other <i>genius loci</i> of the place, represented by
+the acting manager rejoicing in a foreign name not to be mastered
+all at once by the sharpest British ear. To my mind, full of many
+early theatrical reminiscences, it is immediately associated with
+the name of a Chinese Princess in an ancient extravaganza entitled
+<i>The Willow-Pattern Plate</i>, where Her Royal Highness is thus
+mentioned in the prologue:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class="block">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"And this is the room of his daughter <span class="sc">Koong-see</span>,<br />
+&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Who's shut up, as she's found in the first scene to be,<br />
+&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Whence she looks on the gardens and looks on the trees,<br />
+&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;That wibbledy wobbledy go in the breeze,<br />
+&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Whose verdure and shade such a paradise made<br />
+&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Of the house of the Mandarin <span class="sc">Hee-sing</span>."</p>
+
+<p>All which description can be adapted to present circumstances,
+and be applied to the interior and exterior of the
+Royal Hot-and-Cold-Bath Hotel, Pinemouth, where the
+fare is excellent, and the price moderate; and, if there are,
+here and there, in the three hundred and sixty-five days
+some bad ones, what of that? Is there any establishment,
+however perfect, which, open all the year round, is not
+open to cavil and also to improvement?</p>
+
+<p><i>Trip to Lulworth Cove.</i>&mdash;By new L. and S. W. line.
+This line, like the stitch in time, saves nine, or it saves at
+least seven miles formerly traversed in prehistoric times of
+quite six months ago. We are <i>en route</i> for Lulworth.
+Soothing name Lulworth! Drowsy murmur of a Sleepy-Hollow
+sort drones about the name of Lulworth.</p>
+
+<p>Delightful drive of five or six miles from station to
+Lulworth Cove. Expect of course to be received by "The
+Cove" himself in person. As the road thither is occasionally
+steep, stout persons are requested to get out and
+walk up the hills, which they do with as good a grace as
+is possible under the circumstances on a broiling September
+mid-day.</p>
+
+<p>In our shandradan there is a modern version of Miss
+<span class="sc">Biffin</span>, who can't possibly walk, but not for the physical
+reasons which prevented the above-mentioned "abbreviated
+form" from pedestrianising; and there is also with us the
+usual genial, stout, elderly dissembler, who, affecting to be
+troubled with a touch of highly respectable gout, feigns
+the deepest regret at being unable to descend from the car
+and join the pedestrians in their delightful toil up the hard
+and stony hill. At the summit we are refreshed by a gentle
+breeze, and between the heights, about three miles distant,
+obtaining a view of the deep blue sea, we feel invigorated.</p>
+
+<p>"<i>Thalatta! Thalatta!</i>" exclaims a youth of our party,
+who is home for the holidays. No one understands him
+except the stout man with the gout, who smiles approvingly,
+and asks the lad some recondite question concerning
+XENOPHON and the Anabasis, whereat the schoolboy shakes
+his head, and murmurs something about "not having got
+quite so far as that." No schoolboy home for the holidays
+ever has got as far as the question you put to him. All
+our schoolboy knows has been exhausted in that one quotation,
+and perhaps the stout gentleman with the touch of
+gout is not sorry that the boy's knowledge of Greek is limited.
+It is a venturesome thing for a man over fifty, who has not
+"kept up his classics," to tackle a boy fresh from school.</p>
+
+<p>We lose sight of the sea, and descend into the little sleepy
+fishing village of Lulworth. An out-of-the-way place, with an
+excellent inn (the name of which escapes my memory, but it is the
+only inn near the bay), where there is good accommodation for man
+and beast. Here the lobsters belong to precisely the same family as
+do those caught at Swanage, and no higher praise can be bestowed
+on any lobsters, those of Cromer, in Norfolk, included, than this.
+"Show me your lobster, and I'll show you the man to eat it!"
+This is my sentiment down South-West, or due North. The stout
+and gouty hero, who might have failed to tackle the boy "fresh
+from school," now shows himself an adept at tackling a lobster
+fresh from the sea. But more about Lunch, Lobsters, and the
+Legend of Durdle Door "in our next."</p>
+
+<hr class="medium" />
+
+<p class="ind"><span class="sc">Good News for Fizzionomists.</span>&mdash;To quote <i>The Merchant of
+Venice</i>, "<i>The World</i> says, and I say so too," (<i>i.e.</i> <i>The
+World</i> of
+last week,) that "the quality of the Champagne (the writer is
+speaking of Moët and Chandon and Pommery and Greno) will be
+good." The crop is to be "six times that of last year." Excellent&mdash;if
+only it be six times superior! And oh! if it would only be
+just one-third less in price!! As the poet (which word rhymes with
+"Moët") of the Champagne country sings,&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="poem">  <div class="stanza">
+<p>"To keep a <i>mens sana in corpore sano</i>,</p>
+<p>Give me in plenty my Pommery Greno."</p>
+  </div>  </div>
+
+<p class="ind">But, at all events, so far as they are professionally judging from the
+face of the country about Epernay and Rheims, the Fizzionomists
+are more than likely to be right. <i>Ainsi soit-il.</i></p>
+
+<hr class="medium" />
+
+<p class="ind">"<span class="sc">Dollars and Sense.</span>"&mdash;According to all accounts, Mr. <span class="sc">Daly</span>
+has shown his "sense" in reviving this piece (for a short run), so
+we hope he'll pull in "the dollars."</p>
+
+<hr class="medium" />
+
+<p class="ind1"><span class="sc">Mrs. R. wants to Know.</span>&mdash;"Who was the celebrated Scotchman,"
+she asks, "who took 'the Cameroons' to East Africa?"</p>
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="page146" id="page146"></a>[pg 146]</span>
+
+<hr class="medium" />
+
+<h2 class="sans">SIR AQUARIUS TO THE RESCUE!</h2>
+
+<h4><i>Or, The Valiant Knight of the Watering Pot, and the Laidly Dragon of London.</i></h4>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;"><a href="images/146-1250.png"><img src="images/146-400.png" width="400" height="479" alt="SIR AQUARIUS TO THE RESCUE!" /></a></div>
+
+<blockquote><p>
+["The Report of the Royal Commission appointed
+for the purpose of ascertaining whether the
+sources available within the watersheds of the
+Thames and Lea are adequate in quantity and
+quality for the water supply of the metropolis, has
+been laid upon the table of the House of Commons....
+The Commissioners are convinced that
+much filth of various kinds is discharged unnecessarily
+and illegally into the rivers.... They
+insist upon the necessity for frequent inspection by
+an authority appointed for the purpose.... The
+treatment of the water after abstraction from the
+river is a subject to which the Commissioners have
+devoted a good deal of attention ... they
+suggest that regulations should be drawn up after
+competent inquiry, and strictly enforced, the
+enforcement being entrusted to a Public Water
+Examiner, who should have the legal right of
+entry to all the waterworks."&mdash;<i>The Times.</i>]
+</p></blockquote>
+
+<h4><span class="sc">Air</span>&mdash;"<i>The Dragon of Wantley.</i>"</h4>
+
+<div class="poem">  <div class="stanza">
+<p>Old stories tell how Hercules</p>
+<p class="i2">A dragon slew at Lerna,</p>
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="page147" id="page147"></a>[pg 147]</span>
+<p>With seven heads and fourteen eyes,</p>
+<p class="i2">To see and well discern-a.</p>
+<p>But our Laidly worm, who can wriggle and squirm,</p>
+<p class="i2">Our health long time hath <i>un</i>done;</p>
+<p>And it's oh! for a knight, or some man of might,</p>
+<p class="i2">To demolish the Dragon of London!</p>
+  </div><div class="stanza">
+<p>This dragon hath two horrid heads,</p>
+<p class="i2">For forage and for foison;</p>
+<p>The one's all jaw, and devouring maw,</p>
+<p class="i2">Whilst the other breathes forth poison.</p>
+<p>Monopolist Greed is the one, indeed,</p>
+<p class="i2">Whilst the other means Pollution;</p>
+<p>And a hide of iron doth environ</p>
+<p class="i2">Each scaly convolution.</p>
+  </div><div class="stanza">
+<p>You've heard, of course, of the Trojan horse;</p>
+<p class="i2">Well, this Dragon is thrice as big, Sir!</p>
+<p>With the mouth of a hog, or a Pollywog,</p>
+<p class="i2">Or Egyptian Porcupig, Sir!</p>
+<p>Like the Snapping Turtle he'll hustle and hurtle,</p>
+<p class="i2">And gulp like the Gobbling Grampus;</p>
+<p>And smite and shock, like the Jabberwock,</p>
+<p class="i2">Or the Chawsome Catta-Wampus!</p>
+  </div><div class="stanza">
+<p>On the river's banks he plays his pranks,</p>
+<p class="i2">An Amphibious Amphisbæna;</p>
+<p>By the Thames and the Lea his coils you'll see,</p>
+<p class="i2">A-stretch&mdash;like a concertina.</p>
+<p>For the Thames to him, from brim to brim,</p>
+<p class="i2">Is a sort of a private Pactolus,</p>
+<p>In whose sands of gold this Dragon bold</p>
+<p class="i2">Can roll and wallow&mdash;<i>solus!</i></p>
+  </div><div class="stanza">
+<p>With one head he grabs L. S. D.</p>
+<p class="i2">(Like a Nibelungen Treasure),</p>
+<p>With t'other, whose breath means disease and death,</p>
+<p class="i2">He befouls it beyond measure.</p>
+<p>And those two heads o'er the watersheds</p>
+<p class="i2">Of the Thames and Lea do hover,</p>
+<p>Till a noxious brewage of slime and sewage</p>
+<p class="i2">Is the draught of the water-lover.</p>
+  </div><div class="stanza">
+<p>Where's the "More of More Hall with nothing at all,"</p>
+<p class="i2">To bring swift retribution,</p>
+<p>And put the gag on this two-headed Dragon</p>
+<p class="i2">Of Greed and of Pollution?</p>
+<p>Hurroo! Hooray! Some have had their say</p>
+<p class="i2">(And their counsels have been various).</p>
+<p>But there looms in sight a "peerless knight,"</p>
+<p class="i2">Which his name is "Sir <span class="sc">Aquarius</span>."</p>
+  </div><div class="stanza">
+<p>This Public Water Examiner,</p>
+<p class="i2">"With legal right of entry,"</p>
+<p>Should right the wrong of this Dragon strong,</p>
+<p class="i2">And o'er river-rights stand sentry.</p>
+<p>More of More Hall was nothing at all</p>
+<p class="i2">For a balladist to brag on,</p>
+<p>Compared with our Knight of the Watering Pot&mdash;</p>
+<p class="i2"><i>If he'll slay our River Dragon!</i></p>
+  </div>  </div>
+
+<hr class="medium" />
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"><a href="images/147-1500.png"><img src="images/147-600.png" width="600" height="391" alt="'QUITE AT HOME.'" /></a>
+<h2 class="sans">"QUITE AT HOME."</h2>
+
+<p><i>Podgers (who is somehow managing to spend his holiday at a Country House for
+the shooting).</i> "<span class="sc">Well, speaking of Boots, Sir John,
+you see these Shoes I have on. They cost me exactly Four-and-Sixpence. <i>Now I
+dare say you gave TWICE as much for yours?</i></span>"</p></div>
+
+<hr class="medium" />
+
+<p class="ind"><span class="sc">Strictly Entre Nous</span> (<i>communicated by
+Sir Ben Trovato</i>).&mdash;Quite recently Mr.
+<span class="sc">Condie Stephen</span> had the honour of dining
+with Her Majesty at Balmoral. He expressed
+himself highly pleased with a certain port
+wine at dessert. Sir <span class="sc">Algernon</span> "of that
+ilk" suggested that a bin of it should be
+put by in the Royal cellars, to be kept specially
+for Mr. <span class="sc">Stephen's</span> visits, and labelled
+"<i>Condie's Fluid</i>."</p>
+
+<hr class="medium" />
+
+<h3>TURPIN AND TRAINS.</h3>
+
+<p>Railway travelling in Chicago must be
+pleasant. "The express train to New York,"
+says Dalziel's Express in the <i>Times</i> of the
+13th, "on the Lake Shore Railway was stopped
+by robbers about 140 miles east of Chicago."
+Twenty robbers, masked, did the business,
+killing the engine driver, and blowing open
+the express compartment of the car with dynamite!
+When travelling by steam was introduced
+we congratulated ourselves on our
+roads being freed from <span class="sc">Dick Turpin</span>, <span class="sc">Paul
+Clifford</span>, and Co.; and with steamers,
+Atlantic liners, and so forth, it was presumed
+that the last had been heard of <span class="sc">Paul Jones</span>
+and the Red Rover. But can this immunity
+be any longer guaranteed? May we not in
+due course expect to hear of "A P. and O.
+steamer robbed on the High Seas by a Pirate
+Craft," or "The Bath Express stopped soon
+after leaving Swindon by <span class="sc">Paul Clifford</span>,
+jun., and his gang of desperadoes"?</p>
+
+<hr class="medium" />
+
+<p class="ind"><span class="sc">Something like a Centenarian.</span>&mdash;The
+<i>Daily Chronicle</i> gives a most useful summary
+of notable events for every day in the
+week. Here is one to be quoted as ever
+memorable, which appeared on Wednesday,
+Sept. 20:&mdash;</p>
+
+<blockquote><p>
+"Battle of Newbury. Lord Falkland killed, 1643.<br />
+Bishop John Gauden died, 1662.<br />
+Battle of Valmy, 1792.<br />
+<i>Sir Edward James Reed, K.C.B., born, 1630!!</i><br />
+Battle of the Alma, 1854."
+</p></blockquote>
+
+<p class="ind">We congratulate Sir <span class="sc">Edward</span> on having
+attained his Two-hundred-and-sixty-third
+birthday!! The oldest inhabitant isn't in
+it with him.</p>
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="page148" id="page148"></a>[pg 148]</span>
+
+<hr class="medium" />
+
+<h2 class="sans">UNDER THE ROSE.</h2>
+
+<h4>(<i>A Story in Scenes.</i>)</h4>
+
+<p><span class="sc">Scene V.</span>&mdash;<i>A General Waiting-room at Clapham Junction.</i>
+<span class="sc">Curphew</span>
+<i>is leaning against the mantelpiece</i>. Mr. <span class="sc">Toovey</span> <i>is seated on
+one
+of the horsehair chairs against the wall</i>.</p>
+
+<p><i>Mr. Toovey (to himself).</i> I do wish he'd sit down, and not look at
+me in that austere way! (<i>Aloud.</i>) Won't you take a chair? It
+would be so much more comfortable.</p>
+
+<p class="ind2">[<i>He shifts his seat uneasily.</i></p>
+
+<p><i>Curphew (stiffly).</i> Thanks, Mr. <span class="sc">Toovey</span>, but I'd rather stand&mdash;for
+so
+short a time. (<i>A pause.</i>) Well, Sir, you have something to say to
+me, I believe?</p>
+
+<p><i>Mr. Toov. (to himself).</i> Oh dear, I'm almost sorry now I&mdash;he
+won't make sufficient allowances for me. (<i>Aloud, after another
+pause.</i>) The fact is, Mr. <span class="sc">Curphew</span>, I&mdash;I've just made a&mdash;a very
+painful discovery, which&mdash;is there any water in that decanter?
+because I&mdash;I feel a little thirsty.</p>
+
+<p class="ind2">[<span class="sc">Curphew</span> <i>pours him out a glass of water, which he sips</i>.</p>
+
+<p><i>Curph.</i> Come, Sir, we needn't beat about the bush. I think I
+can spare you the preliminaries.
+I suppose you've heard about the
+Eldorado?</p>
+
+<p><i>Mr. Toov. (to himself).</i> He
+knows already! These journalists
+find out everything. (<i>Aloud.</i>)
+I&mdash;I have indeed, but I assure
+you that, up to the very moment
+my nephew informed me, I had
+no more suspicion&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p><i>Curph.</i> You naturally consider
+that I ought to have told you at
+once, but the fact is, I&mdash;well, I had
+some reason to doubt whether
+Mrs. <span class="sc">Toovey</span>&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p><i>Mr. Toov.</i> Oh, you were quite
+right, it would never have done&mdash;never
+have done. I haven't
+breathed a word to Mrs. <span class="sc">Toovey</span>
+myself as yet. I was afraid I
+might be obliged to this morning.
+She discovered that dreadful Eldorado
+programme in one of my
+pockets, and was curious, very
+naturally curious, as to why I had
+kept it, but I passed it off&mdash;I managed
+to pass it off. I&mdash;I thought
+it better, at all events, till&mdash;till
+I had talked it over with you.</p>
+
+<p><i>Curph. (to himself, relieved).</i>
+He takes it wonderfully well. I
+shouldn't be surprised if I could
+talk him over. (<i>Aloud.</i>) Oh,
+decidedly, Sir. And may I ask
+you what your own views are?</p>
+
+<p><i>Mr. Toov.</i> I&mdash;I don't know
+what to think. For a man in my
+position to have even the remotest
+connection with&mdash;with a London
+music-hall! Wouldn't it be
+considered scandalous, or at least
+indecorous, if it were to leak out
+now? Shouldn't I be regarded
+as&mdash;as inconsistent, for example?</p>
+
+<p><i>Curph.</i> Oh, no one could reproach <i>you</i>, at all events, Sir!</p>
+
+<p><i>Mr. Toov. (to himself).</i> And I thought he was going to be so hard
+on me! (<i>Aloud.</i>) I am glad you take that view of it&mdash;yes, I can't
+be held responsible for what I did in absolute ignorance; but, now
+that I <i>do</i> know, I can't go on, can I?&mdash;after a lifetime spent in
+condemning such entertainments!</p>
+
+<p><i>Curph.</i> But are you quite sure, Sir, that your condemnation was
+based on any real foundation; mayn't you have been too ready to
+think the worst? Have you ever troubled yourself to inquire into
+the way they were conducted?</p>
+
+<p><i>Mr. Toov. (to himself, in astonishment).</i> Why, he's actually
+making excuses for them! (<i>Aloud.</i>) I have always been given
+to understand that they were most improper places, Sir; that was
+sufficient for me&mdash;quite sufficient!</p>
+
+<p><i>Curph.</i> I daresay I have no right to speak; but you may not be
+aware that all music-halls are now subject to the strictest supervision.
+And a body like the London County Council is not likely to
+sanction any impropriety in the entertainments.</p>
+
+<p><i>Mr. Toov. (to himself).</i> If I could only persuade myself that I
+might keep the shares with a good conscience! To give up three
+hundred and fifty a year, without necessity! I wonder what he
+would say. (<i>Aloud.</i>) True, that didn't occur to me before; and the
+London County Council, they wouldn't encourage anything really&mdash;&mdash;If
+I could only be sure&mdash;and I'm open to conviction&mdash;I hope I'm
+always open to conviction.</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 300px;"><a href="images/148-800.png"><img src="images/148-300.png" width="300" height="386" alt="'I drop into a music-hall?'" /></a>
+<p class="center">"I drop into a music-hall?"</p></div>
+
+<p><i>Curph. (to himself).</i> He's coming round; he's not such a pig-headed
+old Pharisee as I thought. (<i>Aloud.</i>) I am sure you are.
+You are not the man to condemn any form of amusement, however
+harmless, merely because you find no attraction in it yourself.</p>
+
+<p><i>Mr. Toov.</i> No, no. And I see the force of what you say; and if
+I could only once satisfy myself that the entertainment was really
+harmless&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p><i>Curph. (to himself).</i> He couldn't very well object to <i>my</i> part of
+it&mdash;it's an idea, and worth trying. (<i>Aloud.</i>) My dear Sir, why
+<i>shouldn't</i> you? In any case I should terminate my connection with
+the music-hall as soon as possible.</p>
+
+<p><i>Mr. Toov. (disappointed).</i> Would you? Then you <i>do</i> think&mdash;&mdash;?
+But the sacrifice, my dear young friend, it&mdash;it's a great deal of
+money to give up!</p>
+
+<p><i>Curph. (lightly).</i> Oh, that's of no consequence. I shouldn't think
+of that, for a moment!</p>
+
+<p><i>Mr. Toov. (to himself, annoyed).</i> It's all very well for him to
+talk like that, but it's <i>my</i> sacrifice,
+and I <i>do</i> think of it! (<i>Aloud.</i>)
+But&mdash;but wouldn't it be a little
+Quixotic to withdraw from this
+Eldorado, supposing I found there
+was no moral objection to it, eh?</p>
+
+<p><i>Curph.</i> I thought you would
+be the first to insist that the
+Eldorado should be given up!
+Surely, Sir, when I tell you that
+I love your daughter; that I
+hope, though I have not spoken
+as yet, to enter your family some
+day as your son-in-law, you will
+look at it differently?</p>
+
+<p><i>Mr. Toov. (to himself).</i> He
+does want to marry our <span class="sc">Thea</span>?
+<span class="sc">Cornelia</span> will he delighted&mdash;delighted,
+but I really can't allow
+him to dictate to me whether to
+sell the shares or not! (<i>Aloud,
+with dignity.</i>) My good young
+friend, I have lived longer than
+you in the world, and you will
+permit me to say that if, after
+investigation, I see no cause to
+disapprove of the Eldorado, there
+is no reason that I can discover
+why <i>you</i> should hesitate to enter
+my family. I&mdash;I must act on my
+own judgment&mdash;entirely on my
+own judgment!</p>
+
+<p><i>Curph. (to himself).</i> He <i>is</i> an
+old trump! Who would have
+thought he'd be so reasonable.
+(<i>Aloud, overjoyed.</i>) My dear Sir,
+how can I thank you? That is all
+I ask&mdash;more than I could possibly
+have expected. And I was about
+to suggest that you might drop
+into the Eldorado some evening
+this week and judge for yourself.</p>
+
+<p><i>Mr. Toov. (recoiling in consternation).</i>
+I? I drop into a music-hall?
+Oh, I couldn't, indeed! Why, I never was in such a place
+in all my life. And if anybody were to see me there!</p>
+
+<p><i>Curph.</i> You need not be seen at all. There are private boxes
+where no one would notice you, I could easily get them to send
+you one, if you like.</p>
+
+<p><i>Mr. Toov. (to himself).</i> What a power the Press is, to be sure!
+I remember <span class="sc">Charles</span> said that newspaper writers could get seats
+for everything. (<i>Aloud.</i>) Really, I hardly know what to say; it's
+so very contrary to all my habits, and then&mdash;to go alone. Now if
+<i>you</i> would only accompany me&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p><i>Curph.</i> You forget, Sir, that's quite impossible. <i>I</i> can't come in
+the box with you!</p>
+
+<p><i>Mr. Toov. (to himself).</i> There it is&mdash;it's against his principles to
+go himself, and yet he expects <i>me</i> to! (<i>Aloud, peevishly.</i>) Then
+why are you so anxious to have <i>me</i> go, eh?</p>
+
+<p><i>Curph.</i> Why? Because there are Mrs. <span class="sc">Toovey's</span> prejudices to
+be considered, and I'm anxious that you should be in a position to
+assure her from your own personal experience that&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p><i>Mr. Toov.</i> Oh, my dear young friend, if I did go, I don't think I
+could ever mention such an experience as that to Mrs. <span class="sc">Toovey</span>.
+She&mdash;she might fail to understand that I merely went for the
+satisfaction of my own conscience.</p>
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="page149" id="page149"></a>[pg 149]</span>
+
+<p><i>Curph.</i> She might, of course. So long as you satisfy yourself,
+then. And&mdash;what night will suit you best?</p>
+
+<p><i>Mr. Toov.</i> You're in such a hurry, young man. I&mdash;I never said
+I should go. I'm not at all sure that I <i>can</i> go; but if I did allow
+myself to venture, it would have to be some evening when my wife&mdash;let
+me see, on Saturday she's going out to some special meeting of
+her Zenana Mission Committee, I know. It had better be Saturday,
+if at all&mdash;if at all.</p>
+
+<p><i>Curph. (making a note).</i> Very well. I will see you have a box for
+that evening, and I hope you will manage to go. But there's a
+train coming in&mdash;I must really be off. Good-bye, Sir, and very many
+thanks for the kind and generous way in which you have treated
+me. I am very glad we have had this explanation, and thoroughly
+understand one another. Good-bye&mdash;good-bye!</p>
+
+<p class="ind2">[<i>He shakes</i> Mr. <span class="sc">Toovey's</span> <i>hand with cordial gratitude, and
+rushes out</i>.</p>
+
+<p><i>Mr. Toov. (looking after him in some mystification).</i> A most high-minded
+young man, but a little too officious. And I don't understand
+why he makes such a point of my going to this Eldorado <i>now</i>.
+But, if I do go, I mayn't see anything to disapprove of; and, if I
+don't, I shall keep the shares&mdash;whether he likes it or not. He may
+be a very worthy young man, but I doubt whether he's quite a
+man of the world!</p>
+
+<p class="center"><span class="sc">End of Scene V.</span></p>
+
+<hr class="medium" />
+
+<h2>A STUDY IN PRESS-LAND.</h2>
+
+<p>(<i>An Actuality, in one short Scene, at the service of the Institute of
+Journalists.</i>)</p>
+
+<p><span class="sc">Scene</span>&mdash;<i>An Editor's Room.</i> Editor <i>discovered in conversation
+with</i>
+Would-be Reporter.</p>
+
+<p><i>Editor (preparing to resume his work).</i> Well, from all you tell
+me, I imagine you must be a most accomplished person.</p>
+
+<p><i>Would-be Reporter (smiling).</i> Well, I believe I am up to the
+standard required by the Institute of Journalists. My classics are
+fairly good, but I do not know as much as I should of mixed
+mathematics. However, I took a double first at Oxford; but then
+I had a particularly easy year. All the men against me were
+practically duffers.</p>
+
+<p><i>Ed. (slightly interested).</i> Do you know anything of modern
+languages?</p>
+
+<p><i>W.-be Rep.</i> Well, yes. I can speak and write European in all its
+branches, including Swedish and Norwegian <i>patois</i>, and the <i>argot</i>
+used
+on the borders of Turkey and Greece. I am fairly well up in
+Chinese, but have only a general idea of the grammar of Afghanistan.
+But I may add that I am spending four hours a day in
+completing this part of my training.</p>
+
+<p><i>Ed.</i> I think you said that you have passed in engineering,
+<ins title="Transcriber's Note: Original reads 'orchesta'">orchestra</ins>-playing, astronomy, naval and military tactics, and the
+history of the world, and the other components of the planetary
+system?</p>
+
+<p><i>W.-be Rep.</i> Certainly; I have in every way (save that I have
+still to pass in Roman Law) satisfied the requirements of the Institute
+of Journalists. I am all but qualified for the reception of an
+Associate's degree.</p>
+
+<p><i>Ed. (with a view to closing the interview).</i> Very well, then; we
+shall be glad to use anything you may be good enough to send us&mdash;of
+course, at the customary rate.</p>
+
+<p><i>W.-be Rep. (gratefully).</i> A thousand thanks. I know; three-half-pence
+a line, with a minimum of three shillings.</p>
+
+<p><i>Ed.</i> Precisely. (<i>Taking up his pen.</i>) And now, as my Sub-editor
+told me that there was a fire somewhere in the neighbourhood, you
+had better look after it.</p>
+
+<p><i>W.-be Rep.</i> Thank you so much. But as I have forgotten
+to bring my reporter's-book, perhaps you will kindly lend me some
+copy-paper?</p>
+
+<p><i>Ed.</i> Certainly; you will find some in that corner. (<i>He approaches
+speaking-tube, to which he has been summoned by a whistle.</i>) Ah!
+You need not trouble after the fire, for I find we have already
+received a report from someone on the spot.</p>
+
+<p><i>W.-be Rep. (in a tone of disappointment).</i> What a bore! just as I
+was going to <ins title="Transcriber's Note: Original reads 'it report'">report it</ins> myself! However, better luck next time.</p>
+
+<p><i>Ed. (courteously).</i> I hope so; good morning. (<i>Exit</i> Would-be
+Reporter.) What a nuisance these fellows are! Highly educated,
+of course, and all that sort of thing; but I am not sure that the
+rough-and-ready school was not the better.</p>
+
+<p><i>W.-be Rep. (re-entering hurriedly).</i> My good Sir! Fancy! the
+man who has sent you the report of the local fire was educated at
+a small grammar-school, and never even entered a university!</p>
+
+<p><i>Ed.</i> Well, what of that?</p>
+
+<p><i>W.-be Rep. (surprised).</i> You surely won't use his copy?</p>
+
+<p><i>Ed. (decisively).</i> I surely shall. First come, first served. And
+now you must allow me. (<i>Returns to his work, to the surprise
+and disgust of</i> Would-be Reporter. <i>Curtain.</i>)</p>
+
+<hr class="medium" />
+
+<h3 class="sans">"PIECE AND WAR!" AT DRURY LANE.</h3>
+
+<p>"Victory sits on our helms!" cries Sir <span class="sc">Druriolanus Auctor</span> to
+<span class="sc">Henricus Parvus etiam Auctor</span>, as they drive back to "The
+Helms, Regent's Park," after the curtain has descended on the
+last scene of the last act of <i>A Life of Pleasure</i> at Drury Lane.
+Twice has Sir <span class="sc">Druriolanus</span> appeared before the footlights at
+the end of the Fourth Act, when some battle in Burmah is
+gallantly won by the united dramatic forces under the heroic but
+comic Captain <span class="sc">Harry Nicholls</span>, Colonel Lord <span class="sc">Frank Fenton
+Avondale</span>, Sergeant <span class="sc">Clarence Holt</span>, and a handful of the bravest
+soldiers that ever marched to glory over the boards of old Drury
+Lane. What the story is, and how these heroes got into the jungle
+and out again, and how the right man married the right woman, and
+how the wronged woman would have saved the villain from the vengeance
+of <span class="sc">Henry Desmond O'Neville</span>,&mdash;who, alas, had to stay in the
+green-room while the others were distinguishing themselves in Burmah,&mdash;is
+known to the clever collaborators and a few of their trusted confidants.
+Of that strange history I, a mere civilian, had every detail
+blown clean out of my head by the din of the great battle. In fact,
+never have I heard of any "theatrical engagement" equal to this.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"><a href="images/149-800.png"><img src="images/149-500.png" width="500" height="313" alt="'The Action of the Piece.'" /></a>
+<p class="center">"The Action of the Piece."</p></div>
+
+<p>That Miss <span class="sc">Lily Hanbury</span> looked lovely, and touched my heart;
+that Mrs. <span class="sc">Bernard-Beere</span> suddenly developed a brogue that, on occasion,
+betrayed her nationality; that Miss <span class="sc">Le Thière</span> was a villainous
+matron; that Miss <span class="sc">Laura Linden</span> was sprightly and pretty; that
+Mr. <span class="sc">Arthur Dacre</span> was the best representative of lop-sided villainy
+ever seen on the stage; and that Mr. <span class="sc">Robert Soutar</span> reappeared
+as an elderly masher about town; all this, I am ready to admit,
+would have been good enough for me, without any attempt on my
+part at stringing them together in a consecutive story. Didn't I
+know from the very moment she appeared in deep black, and with
+a very pale face, that Miss <span class="sc">Le Thière</span> was a villain of the deepest
+dye in petticoats? Could I have trusted Mr. <span class="sc">Arthur Dacre</span>, in
+his neat grey suit, with a sixpence, much less with my life? As
+for Mr. <span class="sc">Elton</span>, representing the Hebraic money-lender&mdash;indispensable
+of late years to all Drury Lane dramas&mdash;wasn't I well aware
+that he was to be the comic villain, only set up to be knocked down
+again, and to be finally bowled out by the apparently simple
+<span class="sc">Harry Nicholls</span>? Then there is the scene at the Empire, admirably
+stage-managed, but the ladies should try to take just a trifle
+more interest in the strange proceedings of that eventful night, as
+they should also do when re-appearing as wedding guests in the
+last act. But these fair ladies are heartless; all's one to them,
+happen what may. Then there was the House-boat, equally well-arranged;
+but everything is entirely eclipsed by the Military Act,
+in three scenes, which contains "the action of the piece," and
+leaves the audience half-deafened by mitrailleuses, and half-choked
+by the gunpowder. But as the smoke gradually cleared away, the
+stalwart figure of the Commander-in-Chief, yclept <span class="sc">Druriolanus</span>
+himself, was seen bowing his acknowledgments.</p>
+
+<p>But what was it all about? "'Why, that I cannot tell,' quoth
+Old <span class="sc">Caspar</span>, 'but 'twas a famous victory!'" And if you, my non-combatant
+readers, wish to know how the Burmese War was undertaken
+for the special benefit of <span class="sc">Harry Nicholls</span>, you just go and
+see for yourself the new drama, mysteriously entitled <i>A Life of
+Pleasure</i>, at T. R. Drury Lane, and for this advice you will thank</p>
+
+<p class="author">"<span class="sc">Old Caspar</span>."</p>
+
+<hr class="medium" />
+
+<p class="ind1"><span class="sc">A Moot Point.</span>&mdash;The G. O. M. is reported to have been engaged
+in translating <i>Horace</i>. Is this a picturesque way of referring to
+the recent elevation of Sir <span class="sc">Horace Davey</span>?</p>
+
+<hr class="medium" />
+
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="page150" id="page150"></a>[pg 150]</span>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"><a href="images/150-1500.png"><img src="images/150-600.png" width="600" height="359" alt="UNHAPPY INFLUENCE OF MODERN MUSIC-HALL MELODIES." /></a>
+
+<h3>UNHAPPY INFLUENCE OF MODERN MUSIC-HALL MELODIES.</h3>
+
+<p>"<span class="sc">There lies the brave Knight, Darling, with his faithful Dog at his feet,
+and his Wife by his side!</span>"</p>
+
+<p>"<span class="sc">And has she got a Dog, too, Mummy?</span>"</p>
+
+<p>"<span class="sc">No, Darling, only a Cushion!</span>"</p>
+
+<p>"<span class="sc">Ah, I suppose her Daddy <i>wouldn't</i> buy her a Bow-wow-wow!</span>"</p></div>
+
+<hr class="medium" />
+
+<h3>THE "FORLORN HOPE."</h3>
+
+<blockquote><p>
+["It is understood (says the <i>Daily News</i>) that
+Mr. <span class="sc">Gladstone</span> will speak in Edinburgh on Wednesday,
+September 27, on the action of the House
+of Lords in rejecting the Home-Rule Bill. His
+followers are expecting him to give the word of
+command for an attack on the Upper House."]
+</p></blockquote>
+
+<div class="poem">  <div class="stanza">
+<p>"<i><span class="sc">Childe Roland</span> to the Dark Tower came!</i>" So runs</p>
+<p class="i2">The boding refrain <span class="sc">Browning</span> visioned out.</p>
+<p class="i2"><span class="sc">Childe Roland</span> valiant was, and wondrous stout;</p>
+<p>But that Dark Tower, which never noonday suns,</p>
+<p>Full-garrisoned by feudal myrmidons,</p>
+<p class="i2">Might strike to <span class="sc">Roland's</span> heart the chill of doubt.</p>
+  </div><div class="stanza">
+<p>Four-square to the four winds the fortress stands,</p>
+<p class="i2">Pinnacled high upon a frowning rock.</p>
+<p class="i2">It hath survived the many-centuried shock</p>
+<p>Of elements, the assault of myriad hands,</p>
+<p>And to the attack will you now lead your <i>bands</i>,</p>
+<p class="i2">Whose rage crag-crowning battlements seem to mock?</p>
+  </div><div class="stanza">
+<p>True from those battlements they've hung, in scorn,</p>
+<p class="i2">Your herald, whose torn trappings wildly wave</p>
+<p class="i2">In the rough wind. Though 'tis too late to save</p>
+<p>You'd fain avenge. Such flouts are hardly borne</p>
+<p>By Leaders whilst old lips can sound a horn</p>
+<p class="i2">And hands, though ancient, yet can lift a glaive.</p>
+  </div><div class="stanza">
+<p>Sound an alarm! Let the fierce war-cry sound!</p>
+<p class="i2">Your followers listen for it. They will cheer</p>
+<p class="i2">When its defiant shrill salutes their ear.</p>
+<p>Down with the Fortress! Raze it to the ground!</p>
+<p>End it, not mend it! So they rattle round,</p>
+<p class="i2">The shoutings and the floutings far and near.</p>
+  </div><div class="stanza">
+<p>And you, the new <span class="sc">Childe Roland</span>, what think you,</p>
+<p class="i2">At heart, behind that bold and fluent tongue?</p>
+<p class="i2">Lead a Forlorn Hope? Yes, though Death's self flung</p>
+<p>Its form of bony shape and grisly hue</p>
+<p>Athwart your path! But&mdash;is here aught to do</p>
+<p class="i2">That's <i>worth</i> the venture, when all's said and sung?</p>
+  </div><div class="stanza">
+<p>"<i>If, at their counsel, I should turn aside</i></p>
+<p class="i2"><i>Into that ominous tract which all agree</i></p>
+<p class="i2"><i>Hides the Dark Tower? If acquiescingly</i></p>
+<p><i>I do turn as they've pointed! Neither pride</i></p>
+<p><i>Nor hope rekindling at the end descried</i></p>
+<p class="i2"><i>So much in gladness that some end should be.</i></p>
+  </div><div class="stanza">
+<p>"<i>Thus, I have so long suffered in this quest</i></p>
+<p class="i2"><i>Heard failure prophesied so oft, been writ</i></p>
+<p class="i2"><i>So many times among 'The Band'&mdash;to wit</i></p>
+<p><i>The knights who to the Dark Tower's search addressed</i></p>
+<p><i>Their steps&mdash;that just to fail as they, seemed best</i></p>
+<p class="i2"><i>And all the doubt is now&mdash;shall I be fit?</i></p>
+  </div><div class="stanza">
+<p>"<i>What in the mist lies but the Tower itself?</i></p>
+<p class="i2"><i>The square squat turrets, blind as the fool's heart,</i></p>
+<p class="i2"><i>Built of grey stone, without a counterpart</i></p>
+<p><i>In the whole world. The tempest's mocking elf</i></p>
+<p><i>Points to the shipman thus the unseen shelf</i></p>
+<p class="i2"><i>He strikes on, only when the timbers start.</i>"</p>
+  </div><div class="stanza">
+<p>So mused <span class="sc">Childe Roland</span>! Chief of the white crest,</p>
+<p class="i2">With thine adventure doth the strain not fit</p>
+<p class="i2">Most strangely? Looms the Dark Tower turret-lit</p>
+<p>By autumn rays low, chilly, from the west,</p>
+<p>So waterishly wan. Oh! crowning test</p>
+<p class="i2">Of mortal valour and of human wit!</p>
+  </div><div class="stanza">
+<p>Lead the Forlorn Hope on! E'en Hopes Forlorn</p>
+<p class="i2">Do not fail always. Scale the craggy height!</p>
+<p class="i2">Cheer on your clamorous followers to the fight.</p>
+<p>Citadels deemed impregnable, in scorn</p>
+<p><i>Have</i> mocked their rash beleaguerers at morn</p>
+<p class="i2">To see them swarm their battlements ere night.</p>
+  </div><div class="stanza">
+<p>And you, your courage seems to master Fate</p>
+<p class="i2">And mock at Time. Yet Time and Fate, at last,</p>
+<p class="i2">In the greatest life-game have the latest cast.</p>
+<p>Heroic 'tis to see you, strong, elate,</p>
+<p>Heading the onset, and in <i>Punch's</i> pate</p>
+<p class="i2">Rings the old rhyme of the romantic past.</p>
+  </div><div class="stanza">
+<p>"There they stood, ranged along the hillsides&mdash;met</p>
+<p class="i2">To view the last of me, a living frame</p>
+<p class="i2">For one more picture! in a sheet of flame</p>
+<p>I saw them and I knew them all. And yet</p>
+<p>Dauntless the slug-horn to my lips I set</p>
+<p class="i2">And blew. '<i><span class="sc">Childe Roland</span> to the Dark Tower came.</i>'"</p>
+  </div>  </div>
+
+<hr class="medium" />
+
+<p class="ind"><span class="sc">Contributed by One "<i>in Statu Pupillari</i>."</span>&mdash;Great
+changes are expected in Egypt.
+It is said that a certain well-known oculist,
+no, we beg his pardon, we should have described
+him as "Ophthalmic Surgeon," whose
+name is something between "Crotchet" and
+"Cricket," and whose recent evidence in a
+police-court was quite "an eye-opener" to
+the worthy magistrate and the prisoners, is
+going out to remove the First Cataract. We
+wish him every possible success. He will
+be returned for the next Parliament as the
+Member for Eye.</p>
+
+<hr class="medium" />
+
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="page151" id="page151"></a>[pg 151]</span>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;"><a href="images/151-1125.png"><img src="images/151-350.png" width="350" height="467" alt="THE 'FORLORN HOPE.'" /></a>
+<h2>THE "FORLORN HOPE."</h2></div>
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="page152" id="page152"></a>[pg 152]</span><br />
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="page153" id="page153"></a>[pg 153]</span>
+
+<hr class="medium" />
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 350px;"><a href="images/153-700.png"><img src="images/153-300.png" width="300" height="421" alt="'BREEZES'" /></a>
+<h3 class="sans"><i>"BREEZES"</i></h3>
+<h5><i>&mdash;in the "Daily Graphic" Office!!</i></h5>
+
+<p>That "Weather Young Person" has been caught out in a
+piece of barefaced duplicity of which <i>Mr. Punch</i> would not have
+suspected her capable. From a sense of professional duty, no
+doubt, she has been surreptitiously attending the meetings of the
+"Congress of Journalists," leaving a plausible substitute in her
+place! Climatic disturbances have revealed the fraud!!</p>
+
+<p class="author1"><i>Storm Cone hoisted!!</i>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<br /><br /></p>
+
+<hr class="medium" /></div>
+
+<h2>CROWNING THE EDIFICE.</h2>
+
+<h4>(<i>A Study Translated into English from Zolaesque.</i>)</h4>
+
+<p><span class="sc">Emile</span> was triumphant. The arm-chair of the Academy was still
+vacant. He did not yet fill it. But, for all that, he was
+triumphant, for he had performed a brave action. He had achieved
+a veritable success. It was more than thousands from the coffers of
+the publishers, more than pages of praises of the papers. It
+was a great event at length wonderfully accomplished.</p>
+
+<p><span class="sc">Emile</span> sat in his London lodgings satisfied with all his surroundings.
+Of course, he was interviewed. He had been followed from
+France to England, and had seen in an evening paper an account of
+the temporary indisposition of one very dear to him on board the
+boat. He was prepared for his visitor.</p>
+
+<p>"I am very comfortable. I think England charming; love its
+fog, and am deeply impressed with the <span class="sc">Lord Mayor</span>. I soon had
+enough of the first meeting of the Congress of the Institute, but
+thought the ball at Guildhall excellent. I really have no more to
+say. Next please." But his Interviewer was not to be discarded
+hurriedly. He stood to his guns, or, rather, his reporter's book.</p>
+
+<p>"Are you not proud of all your volumes? Do you not think that
+by writing them you have achieved the success of the century?"</p>
+
+<p>"I am certainly proud of my work. But my work is not my
+greatest achievement. No, a thousand times no, it is not my
+greatest achievement."</p>
+
+<p>"Well what is?" asked the Interviewer; and then he added,
+"Please look sharp about it, as I have to do the Archbishop of
+<span class="sc">Canterbury</span>, Mr. <span class="sc">Monte Carlo Wells</span>, and Mr. <span class="sc">Balfour</span>,
+before
+I return to the office."</p>
+
+<p>"Yes, I am prouder of this last feat," pursued the Master,
+ignoring the presence of the Reporter, "than the rest put
+together. It has taken me all my life to make up my mind to do it;
+but it is done at last."</p>
+
+<p>"Of what are you speaking?"</p>
+
+<p>"Yes, what are my novels compared to the heroism of those
+sixty-five minutes! That hour has been a bar to my compatriots.
+It has kept them in France. And now I am their superior. I have
+at length the right to boast a triumph!"</p>
+
+<p>The Interviewer made an entry in his note-book, then he asked
+for further explanation.</p>
+
+<p>"And so you are prouder of this event than all your hard-earned
+fame. And now tell me what event has so greatly moved you?"</p>
+
+<p>"With pleasure. But listen. For twenty years I have laboured to write the
+history of France in romance. And when I say the history of France, I
+mean that part of the nation's story which has sprung from the Third Empire."</p>
+
+<p>"Yes, yes," interrupted the Interviewer; "and you have done it well. But
+pardon me, I am pressed for time. His Grace of <span class="sc">Canterbury</span> awaits me at
+Lambeth. Out with it! What is your special cause for pride?"</p>
+
+<p>"Yes, I have been maligned, misunderstood, insulted, hated. But men
+must now call me a man of great courage, a man of infinite determination. For
+I have done it. Yes, after a lifetime of careful consideration I have done it!"</p>
+
+<p>"Done what?" asked the Interviewer, who was growing impatient.</p>
+
+<p>Then came the reply, uttered in a tone of indescribable emotion:</p>
+
+<p>"I have crossed the Channel!"</p>
+
+<hr class="medium" />
+
+<h3>"MY CUMMERBUND."</h3>
+
+<p><i>Sunday.</i>&mdash;At Club. Conversation (learned) about epidemics. Heard somebody
+(an authority of course on the subject) say, "Oh, rub plenty of camphor
+into your cummerbund." Replied, "Yes; good idea." Wrote it down. Was
+going to question him as to details, but found he had quitted the club. Know
+what camphor is, not quite certain as to "cummerbund." Think it's Indian.
+Called in at Oriental Club. Old Oriental says, "Only natives wear cummerbunds."
+Oh, then "cummerbund" is not something to eat or drink? "No; it's
+a kind of cloth. Get 'em anywhere now." Anywhere? It appears I am behind
+the age. Everyone, except myself apparently, knows all about a "cummerbund."
+It sounds a bit Scotch; also German. "Cummer" Scotch; "Bund" German.
+German Bund. To be obtained at hosier's, or at any emporium for Indian
+clothing. Good.</p>
+
+<p><i>Monday.</i>&mdash;Bought cummerbund. Bright colour; neat. Bought also large
+bottle of camphor. Rubbed it in. Strong smell&mdash;more than strong. But
+self-preservation
+is first law, &amp;c., &amp;c., so get accustomed to it. After one day's
+wearing, don't notice saturated cummerbund. Quite accustomed to it.</p>
+
+<p><i>Tuesday.</i>&mdash;Went to see <span class="sc">Smith</span>. "Hullo, old fellow," he says,
+"afraid of
+moths in your clothes, eh?" Ask what he means. He mentions strong smell of
+camphor. I explain my preventive measures. "Oh, that's all very well!"
+he returns; "but the very best thing is to soak your shirt in turpentine. I'm
+sure of it." Sure he is right, because he is a student at Guy's. Thank him
+warmly for this life-saving hint. Rush home; follow his advice. Beastly smell
+at first, but soon cease to notice it. Continue wearing camphorated cummerbund
+also, as an extra precaution. Call on Mrs. <span class="sc">Montgomery-Mumby</span>. Sweet girl
+her niece! Somehow she seems to avoid me, a thing she never did before. So
+they all do, and I have no one to talk to but a crippled uncle of theirs, who
+apparently has a bad cold in his head, for he holds his handkerchief to his nose
+all the time. <span class="sc">Jones</span> called. Says he has seen <span class="sc">Smith</span>. "By Jove!"
+he exclaims, "you've been going in for oil painting, or chemistry, or
+something. There's a tremendous smell of turpentine." I explain.
+"Oh, there's no harm in that," he says; "but a far better thing
+is to wet your waistcoat with carbolic acid. Antiseptic, you know."
+Now he is a student at Bart's, and probably knows as much as
+<span class="sc">Smith</span>. Thank him, and resolve to try his preventive in addition
+to the other. Down to Eastbourne. Everyone clears out of railway
+carriage soon after I get in, except one old man, who says he is a
+medical man, and that a plentiful use of disinfectants is no doubt
+advisable.</p>
+
+<p><i>Wednesday.</i>&mdash;Meet <span class="sc">Robinson</span> on the Parade. Says he saw
+<span class="sc">Smith</span>
+on Tuesday. Asks me what I think of the epidemic scare. Explain
+my precautions. "Thought I noticed an awful smell," he says.
+"Hope it's all right. As for me, I believe there's nothing like
+pouring sulphuretted hydrogen all over the inside of your coat.
+Had it from my uncle, who was Medical Officer of Health at
+Benares." An invaluable suggestion; buy a bottle, and follow his
+directions when dressing for dinner. Horrible stench, like rotten
+eggs! However, soon get accustomed to it. To a dance at the
+<span class="sc">Cholmondeley-Chicks's</span>. Never more annoyed in my life. Every
+girl says she has no dance left. What can have offended them all?
+The only partner I have is <span class="sc">Cholmondeley-Chick's</span> maiden aunt,
+and she faints in my arms after going once round the room. However,
+I have a good supper, for the dining-room is quite empty all
+the time I am in it, so I can get as much as I like.</p>
+
+<p><i>Thursday.</i>&mdash;Back to town. <span class="sc">Tomkins</span> looks in. Says he saw
+<span class="sc">Smith</span> the other day. Then looks curiously all round room. "Do
+you keep eggs in this room?" he asks; "hot weather turned
+'em bad, eh?" Explain that I have used sulphuretted hydrogen.
+"Those chemical things," he says, holding his nose, "are not half
+so good as plain, homely preparations. The finest thing of all is to
+soak all your clothes in gin and peppermint. Had it from a man who
+ought to know, for he spent last autumn in Hamburg and used
+bottles full." Thank him with sincere gratitude, and as soon as
+possible try this new precaution. To theatre. People near me
+begin a great talking. Commissionaire asks me to leave. Says
+"money will be returned." Hanged if I go! I've paid for
+this seat. Then a fearful uproar starts. Do not remember
+details of fight, but find myself "chucked" into the roadway.
+Policeman picks me up as drunk and incapable. Spend night in
+police-cell. * * * * Explanations magisterially accepted.... Apology
+given and taken. Off (with the cummerbund), and away for a tour
+in the North.</p>
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="page154" id="page154"></a>[pg 154]</span>
+
+<hr class="medium" />
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"><a href="images/154-1500.png"><img src="images/154-600.png" width="600" height="389" alt="A VERY GREAT MAN." /></a>
+<h3 class="sans">A VERY GREAT MAN.</h3>
+
+<h5>(<i>Cub Hunting.</i>)</h5>
+
+<p><i>Young Farmer.</i> "<span class="sc">Well, Master Jack! Out again?</span>"</p>
+
+<p><i>Master Jack.</i> "<span class="sc">Why, Yes. Fact is, you know, always like to get as much
+in as possible before we begin to Advertise.
+Brings such a beastly lot o' Duffers out, don't you know!</span>"</p></div>
+
+<hr class="medium" />
+
+<h3>OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.</h3>
+
+<p><span class="sc">Chatto and Windus</span> have just issued a new edition of <span class="sc">Ouida's</span>
+<i>Dog of Flanders</i>. The well-got-up and cheaply-priced volume
+contains three other Stories, nearly as charming. In the quartette
+<span class="sc">Ouida</span>, my Baronite says, will be found at her best&mdash;<span class="sc">Ouida</span>,
+without
+the weeds of grossness and comical classicality that sometimes grow
+in her pastures. Of this volume of her works it may be said that,
+happily, <span class="sc">Lemprière</span> is not in it.</p>
+
+<p>To those about to travel, whether there and back, or there or
+back, is immaterial, the Baron strongly recommends <i>The Great
+Shadow</i> and <i>Beyond the City</i>, two stories in one volume by <span class="sc">Conan
+Doyle</span>, published in <span class="sc">Arrowsmith's</span> three and sixpenny series. It
+is a long time since the Baron has read a more dramatically told
+story than that of <i>The Great Shadow</i>. Truly, if his opinion had
+been asked, he would have seriously advised any novelist against
+attempting, in any form, a description of the Battle of Waterloo.
+Yet, though <span class="sc">Conan Doyle</span> has done it admirably, there is, thinks the
+Baron, just one chapter too much of this work. No one, since
+<span class="sc">Charles Lever</span> wrote, has achieved anything like it, though there
+is just a smack of <i>Orthis Mulcaney &amp; Co.</i> about it which&mdash;"but that
+is another story." The Baron finding no fault with the illustrations
+as illustrations, wishes that the tales had been left to themselves,
+and that they had been told without these superfluous aids. It is a
+pleasure to recommend such a book, and it <i>is</i> recommended by everybody's
+trusted Literary Adviser, <span class="sc">The Baron de Book-Worms</span>.</p>
+
+<hr class="medium" />
+
+<h4>What the Vicar of Amesbury Inclines to Say.</h4>
+
+<p class="center">(<i>Judging from his Letter in the "Standard," September 22, on the Desecration<br />
+or Preservation of Stonehenge Question.</i>)</p>
+
+<div class="poem">  <div class="stanza">
+<p>My friends, for goodness' sake forbear</p>
+<p>From fussy interference here.</p>
+<p>Blest be the man who "makes no bones,",</p>
+<p>And blamed be he who stirs these stones!</p>
+  </div>  </div>
+
+<hr class="medium" />
+
+<h3>HISTORY REPEATS ITSELF.</h3>
+
+<p class="center">(<i>A Thought at the Haymarket Theatre.</i>)</p>
+
+<div class="poem">  <div class="stanza">
+<p>The first appearance "of the Personal Devil"</p>
+<p>Was nigh the Tree of Knowledge, good and evil;</p>
+<p>And so the Tempter's latest <i>rôle</i> we see</p>
+<p>Is still associated with a <span class="sc">Tree</span>.</p>
+  </div>  </div>
+
+<hr class="medium" />
+
+<h2 class="sans">ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.</h2>
+
+<h3>EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.</h3>
+
+<p><i>House of Commons, Wednesday, September 20.</i>&mdash;Met <span class="sc">Woodall</span>,
+V.C., crossing Lobby just now on the way to his battlemented tower.
+Shouldn't have known him&mdash;indeed, had passed him, when I recognised
+his voice hailing me. It had an unusually tinny sound, due to
+fact that it made its way through the interstices of a closed visor.</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 250px;"><a href="images/156-1-500.png"><img src="images/156-1-250.png" width="250" height="425" alt="Woodall, V.C." /></a>
+<p class="center">Woodall, V.C.</p></div>
+
+<p>"Good gracious, <span class="sc">Woodall</span>!" I said; "is that you? I thought
+it was one of the figures from the Tower taking an airing."</p>
+
+<p>"Yes," said the Financial Secretary to the War Office with same
+vibrating, tinny intonation, "by my halidome (so to speak) it's me:
+and precious hot and generally uncomfortable it is, too, I can tell
+you. The things don't fit, you see; borrowed them from the
+Tower; some a size too large, which is bad; others a turn too small,
+which, considering they are made in metal, is worse."</p>
+
+<p><span class="sc">Woodall</span> got up, regardless of expense, in helmet, breastplate,
+things like kneecaps, and a piece of sheet-iron fitted to the small of
+his back.</p>
+
+<p>"What do you do it for, then?"</p>
+
+<p>With difficulty <span class="sc">Woodall</span>, V.C., unhooked something in his visor,
+and, after cautiously looking round, took it off.</p>
+
+<p>"Haven't you heard," he said, as he mopped his forehead, "of
+the Secret Society, sworn to decimate us fellows of the War Office?
+Began with <span class="sc">St. John Brodrick</span>, who narrowly escaped assassination
+in the streets; went on to <span class="sc">Campbell-Bannerman</span>, who was
+threatened with sudden death. Now they've
+turned their attention on me. Every post
+brings an anonymous letter, advising me
+that my end approaches. They are in
+different handwriting, but the note-paper
+enjoys in common the adornment of a
+death's-head and cross-bones. Sometimes
+there's a coffin underneath; occasionally
+this accessory is omitted; it is made up
+for in the added ferocity of the communication.
+This makes one very uneasy. I
+daresay you have observed how stout <span class="sc">Campbell-Bannerman</span>
+looks of late. It's only
+his shirt of mail, worn under his ordinary
+linen. He says he's going to Marienbad
+to get rid of it; that's only his joke. As
+for me, I don't think it's worth mincing
+matters. I, as you see, go the whole animal;
+but it's very wearing. <span class="sc">Sandhurst</span>
+told me it was a case of armour or assassination.
+Having tried the armour for three
+days, am not quite sure I should not prefer
+assassination. Excuse me, there's a strange
+man lingering in the corner."</p>
+
+<p>And <span class="sc">Woodall</span>, shutting his head up in
+the helmet, warily walked off.</p>
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="page155" id="page155"></a>[pg 155]</span>
+
+<hr class="medium" />
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;"><a href="images/155-1200.png"><img src="images/155-400.png" width="400" height="540" alt="WHO WOULD BE AN M.P.?" /></a>
+<h2 class="sans">WHO WOULD BE AN M.P.?</h2>
+
+<h4><i>A Warning to Aspiring Legislators.</i></h4></div>
+
+<hr class="medium" />
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="page156" id="page156"></a>[pg 156]</span>
+
+<p><i>Business done.</i>&mdash;Appropriation Bill read
+a Second time.</p>
+
+<p><i>Friday.</i>&mdash;All over. Royal Assent given to Appropriation Bill. Curtain
+falls on last
+scene in Act I. of Session 1893; a play in two Acts.</p>
+
+<p>"And whose Session should you say it has been, <span class="sc">Toby</span>?" asked
+<span class="sc">Rowton</span>, a man of
+universal sympathies, and an insatiable thirst for knowledge.</p>
+
+<p>"Mr. G.'s, I suppose. At least, that will be the general verdict. He has outshone
+himself. Whether you like what he has done or detest it, you must pay homage to the
+tireless energy, the infinite skill, and the matchless eloquence with which it has been
+accomplished. <span class="sc">Joseph</span> has excelled himself as a Parliamentary force;
+<span class="sc">Prince Arthur</span>
+has taken a long stride in the direction of establishing himself in position of Leader.
+These things are obvious, and will be said everywhere. But since you ask me whose
+Session it has been, I should say it has been <span class="sc">Marjoribanks</span>'. It's all very well to have a
+supreme Parliamentarian leading majority, small but compact. If you haven't got a Whip
+that can keep them together, who not only has them there on big field night, but always on
+the spot to repel surprises, where are you? In ordinary times it's comparatively easy to
+keep the Conservatives in hand, whether in office or out. Out or in the Liberals are skittish.
+This Session things have been peculiarly critical, as is shown in the cases of <span class="sc">Napoleon
+Boltonparty</span> and the <span class="sc">Sententious Saunders</span>. To keep a majority safe and steady at such
+times requires in a Whip a rare combination of gifts and graces. With the assistance of an
+excellent team, <span class="sc">Marjoribanks</span> has done this. It is a minor Ministerial post,
+but the service rendered is incalculable. So if you want to name the Session, call it
+<span class="sc">Majoritybanks</span>'."</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"><a href="images/156-2-1200.png"><img src="images/156-2-600.png" width="600" height="491" alt="Expiring Law Continuance Bill passing through Committee." /></a>
+<p class="center">Expiring Law Continuance Bill passing through Committee.</p></div>
+
+<p><i>Business done.</i>&mdash;Parliament adjourned till November 2.</p>
+
+<hr class="medium" />
+
+<p class="center"><span class="sc">Personal Courage.</span>&mdash;A Reuter's telegram last week states that "The
+Brazilian Minister here refuses to be interviewed."</p>
+
+<hr class="medium" />
+
+<h3>THE JOLLY YOUNG WATERMAIDS.</h3>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 200px;"><a href="images/156-3-400.png"><img src="images/156-3-200.png" width="200" height="171" alt="" /></a></div>
+
+<div class="poem">  <div class="stanza">
+<p>And have you not read of eight jolly young watermaids,</p>
+<p class="i2">Lately at Cookham accustomed to ply</p>
+<p>And feather their oars with a deal of dexterity,</p>
+<p class="i2">Pleasing the critical masculine eye?</p>
+<p>They swing so truly and pull so steadily,</p>
+<p>Multitudes flock to the river-side readily;&mdash;</p>
+<p>It's not the eighth wonder that all the world's there,</p>
+<p>But this watermaid eight, ne'er in want of a stare.</p>
+<p>What sights of white costumes! What ties and what hatbands,</p>
+<p class="i2">"Leander cerise!" We don't wish to offend,</p>
+<p>But are these first thoughts with the dashing young women</p>
+<p class="i2">Who don't dash too much in a spurt off Bourne End?</p>
+<p>Mere nonsense, of course! There's no "giggling and leering"&mdash;</p>
+<p>Complete ruination to rowing and steering;&mdash;</p>
+<p>"All eyes in the boat" is their coach's first care,</p>
+<p>And "a spin of twelve miles" is as naught to the fair.</p>
+  </div>  </div>
+
+<hr class="medium" />
+
+<p class="ind"><span class="sc">Theatrical News.</span>&mdash;During the absence of <i>Beckett</i> from London,
+and <i>The Second Mrs. Tanqueray</i> having left town, <i>The Tempter</i> in
+the Haymarket tried to entice <i>Charley's Aunt</i> from the Globe to go
+in for <i>A Life of Pleasure</i> at Drury Lane, but <i>The Other Fellow</i>
+from the Court induced her to go for <i>A Trip to Chicago</i> in The
+Vaudeville, where he cruelly abandoned her, to take up with <i>La
+Fille de Madame Angot</i>, at the Criterion. But she soon let him
+know what <i>A Woman's Revenge</i> at the Adelphi was like, and he
+sailed away in the Shaftesbury, <i>Morocco Bound</i>, pursued by <i>Don
+Quixote</i>, who had watched the proceedings from the Strand. The
+lady who in the meantime had obtained the fortunate talisman of
+<i>La Mascotte</i> from the Gaiety, was provided by <span class="sc">Daly's</span> Company
+with <i>Dollars and Sense</i>, and is now doing uncommonly well. But
+the villain, who would have made her his victim, will soon experience
+the result of <i>Sowing the Wind</i> at the Comedy.</p>
+
+<hr class="medium" />
+
+<p class="ind1">"<span class="sc">Subgraduatus Indignans</span>" writes.&mdash;"<span class="sc">Sir</span>,&mdash;Within the last
+fortnight on one day I find in the <i>Standard</i> that '<i>seventy degrees
+were recorded at Cambridge</i>!' How's this? During Long Vacation!!
+Who conferred these degrees? What degrees? Who got 'em?
+Where's the Vice-Chancellor? I pause for a reply. P S.&mdash;Beg
+pardon! Find I have overlooked head of paragraph, '<i>The falling
+barometer</i>,' &amp;c., &amp;c., so that <i>perhaps</i> I may be in error."</p>
+
+<hr class="full" />
+
+<table align="center" summary="transcriber note" style="margin-top: 3em; margin-bottom: 3em;">
+<tr>
+    <td class="note">
+
+<h4>Transcriber's Note</h4>
+
+<p>Sundry damaged or missing punctuation has been repaired.</p>
+
+<p>Corrections are also indicated, in the text, by a dotted line underneath the correction.</p>
+<p style="margin-top:-1em;">Scroll the mouse over the word and the original text will <ins title="Transcriber's Note: original reads 'apprear'">appear</ins>.</p>
+
+<p>Page 149:</p>
+
+<p>'orchesta' corrected to 'orchestra'
+"orchestra-playing, astronomy, naval and military tactics,"</p>
+
+<p>'just as I was going to it report myself!' corrected to
+'just as I was going to report it myself!'</p>
+
+</td>
+</tr>
+</table>
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+<pre>
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume
+105, September 30th 1893, by Various
+
+*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH, OR THE LONDON ***
+
+***** This file should be named 38672-h.htm or 38672-h.zip *****
+This and all associated files of various formats will be found in:
+        http://www.gutenberg.org/3/8/6/7/38672/
+
+Produced by Malcolm Farmer, Lesley Halamek and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions
+will be renamed.
+
+Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no
+one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation
+(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without
+permission and without paying copyright royalties.  Special rules,
+set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to
+copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to
+protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark.  Project
+Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you
+charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission.  If you
+do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the
+rules is very easy.  You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose
+such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and
+research.  They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do
+practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks.  Redistribution is
+subject to the trademark license, especially commercial
+redistribution.
+
+
+
+*** START: FULL LICENSE ***
+
+THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE
+PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK
+
+To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free
+distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work
+(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project
+Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project
+Gutenberg-tm License (available with this file or online at
+http://gutenberg.org/license).
+
+
+Section 1.  General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic works
+
+1.A.  By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to
+and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property
+(trademark/copyright) agreement.  If you do not agree to abide by all
+the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy
+all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession.
+If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the
+terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or
+entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8.
+
+1.B.  "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark.  It may only be
+used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who
+agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement.  There are a few
+things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works
+even without complying with the full terms of this agreement.  See
+paragraph 1.C below.  There are a lot of things you can do with Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement
+and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works.  See paragraph 1.E below.
+
+1.C.  The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation"
+or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic works.  Nearly all the individual works in the
+collection are in the public domain in the United States.  If an
+individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are
+located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from
+copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative
+works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg
+are removed.  Of course, we hope that you will support the Project
+Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by
+freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of
+this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with
+the work.  You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by
+keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project
+Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others.
+
+1.D.  The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern
+what you can do with this work.  Copyright laws in most countries are in
+a constant state of change.  If you are outside the United States, check
+the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement
+before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or
+creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project
+Gutenberg-tm work.  The Foundation makes no representations concerning
+the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United
+States.
+
+1.E.  Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg:
+
+1.E.1.  The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate
+access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently
+whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the
+phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project
+Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed,
+copied or distributed:
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+1.E.2.  If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived
+from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is
+posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied
+and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees
+or charges.  If you are redistributing or providing access to a work
+with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the
+work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1
+through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the
+Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or
+1.E.9.
+
+1.E.3.  If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted
+with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution
+must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional
+terms imposed by the copyright holder.  Additional terms will be linked
+to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the
+permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work.
+
+1.E.4.  Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this
+work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm.
+
+1.E.5.  Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this
+electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without
+prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with
+active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project
+Gutenberg-tm License.
+
+1.E.6.  You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary,
+compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any
+word processing or hypertext form.  However, if you provide access to or
+distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than
+"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version
+posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org),
+you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a
+copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon
+request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other
+form.  Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1.
+
+1.E.7.  Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying,
+performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works
+unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.
+
+1.E.8.  You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing
+access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided
+that
+
+- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from
+     the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method
+     you already use to calculate your applicable taxes.  The fee is
+     owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he
+     has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the
+     Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation.  Royalty payments
+     must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you
+     prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax
+     returns.  Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and
+     sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the
+     address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to
+     the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation."
+
+- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies
+     you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he
+     does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+     License.  You must require such a user to return or
+     destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium
+     and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of
+     Project Gutenberg-tm works.
+
+- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any
+     money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the
+     electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days
+     of receipt of the work.
+
+- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free
+     distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works.
+
+1.E.9.  If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set
+forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from
+both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael
+Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark.  Contact the
+Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below.
+
+1.F.
+
+1.F.1.  Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable
+effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread
+public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm
+collection.  Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain
+"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or
+corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual
+property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a
+computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by
+your equipment.
+
+1.F.2.  LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right
+of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project
+Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project
+Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all
+liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal
+fees.  YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT
+LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE
+PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE
+TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE
+LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR
+INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH
+DAMAGE.
+
+1.F.3.  LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a
+defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can
+receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a
+written explanation to the person you received the work from.  If you
+received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with
+your written explanation.  The person or entity that provided you with
+the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a
+refund.  If you received the work electronically, the person or entity
+providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to
+receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund.  If the second copy
+is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further
+opportunities to fix the problem.
+
+1.F.4.  Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth
+in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS' WITH NO OTHER
+WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO
+WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE.
+
+1.F.5.  Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied
+warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages.
+If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the
+law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be
+interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by
+the applicable state law.  The invalidity or unenforceability of any
+provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions.
+
+1.F.6.  INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the
+trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone
+providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance
+with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production,
+promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works,
+harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees,
+that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do
+or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm
+work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any
+Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause.
+
+
+Section  2.  Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of
+electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers
+including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers.  It exists
+because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from
+people in all walks of life.
+
+Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the
+assistance they need, are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's
+goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will
+remain freely available for generations to come.  In 2001, the Project
+Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure
+and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations.
+To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation
+and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4
+and the Foundation web page at http://www.pglaf.org.
+
+
+Section 3.  Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive
+Foundation
+
+The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit
+501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the
+state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal
+Revenue Service.  The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification
+number is 64-6221541.  Its 501(c)(3) letter is posted at
+http://pglaf.org/fundraising.  Contributions to the Project Gutenberg
+Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent
+permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws.
+
+The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S.
+Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered
+throughout numerous locations.  Its business office is located at
+809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887, email
+business@pglaf.org.  Email contact links and up to date contact
+information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official
+page at http://pglaf.org
+
+For additional contact information:
+     Dr. Gregory B. Newby
+     Chief Executive and Director
+     gbnewby@pglaf.org
+
+
+Section 4.  Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg
+Literary Archive Foundation
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide
+spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of
+increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be
+freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest
+array of equipment including outdated equipment.  Many small donations
+($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt
+status with the IRS.
+
+The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating
+charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United
+States.  Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a
+considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up
+with these requirements.  We do not solicit donations in locations
+where we have not received written confirmation of compliance.  To
+SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any
+particular state visit http://pglaf.org
+
+While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we
+have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition
+against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who
+approach us with offers to donate.
+
+International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make
+any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from
+outside the United States.  U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff.
+
+Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation
+methods and addresses.  Donations are accepted in a number of other
+ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations.
+To donate, please visit: http://pglaf.org/donate
+
+
+Section 5.  General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works.
+
+Professor Michael S. Hart is the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm
+concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared
+with anyone.  For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project
+Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support.
+
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed
+editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S.
+unless a copyright notice is included.  Thus, we do not necessarily
+keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition.
+
+
+Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility:
+
+     http://www.gutenberg.org
+
+This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm,
+including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary
+Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to
+subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks.
+
+
+</pre>
+
+</body>
+</html>
+
diff --git a/38672-h/images/145-350.png b/38672-h/images/145-350.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..e347ea6
--- /dev/null
+++ b/38672-h/images/145-350.png
diff --git a/38672-h/images/145-800.png b/38672-h/images/145-800.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..c9d6bec
--- /dev/null
+++ b/38672-h/images/145-800.png
diff --git a/38672-h/images/146-1250.png b/38672-h/images/146-1250.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..f95a4e9
--- /dev/null
+++ b/38672-h/images/146-1250.png
diff --git a/38672-h/images/146-400.png b/38672-h/images/146-400.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..f6d611e
--- /dev/null
+++ b/38672-h/images/146-400.png
diff --git a/38672-h/images/147-1500.png b/38672-h/images/147-1500.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..38a02ac
--- /dev/null
+++ b/38672-h/images/147-1500.png
diff --git a/38672-h/images/147-600.png b/38672-h/images/147-600.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..eccea4f
--- /dev/null
+++ b/38672-h/images/147-600.png
diff --git a/38672-h/images/148-300.png b/38672-h/images/148-300.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..b63d3d3
--- /dev/null
+++ b/38672-h/images/148-300.png
diff --git a/38672-h/images/148-800.png b/38672-h/images/148-800.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..510d2b8
--- /dev/null
+++ b/38672-h/images/148-800.png
diff --git a/38672-h/images/149-500.png b/38672-h/images/149-500.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..346ab19
--- /dev/null
+++ b/38672-h/images/149-500.png
diff --git a/38672-h/images/149-800.png b/38672-h/images/149-800.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..c6e9090
--- /dev/null
+++ b/38672-h/images/149-800.png
diff --git a/38672-h/images/150-1500.png b/38672-h/images/150-1500.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..cf77f9f
--- /dev/null
+++ b/38672-h/images/150-1500.png
diff --git a/38672-h/images/150-600.png b/38672-h/images/150-600.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..9c1b54e
--- /dev/null
+++ b/38672-h/images/150-600.png
diff --git a/38672-h/images/151-1125.png b/38672-h/images/151-1125.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..f7ad555
--- /dev/null
+++ b/38672-h/images/151-1125.png
diff --git a/38672-h/images/151-350.png b/38672-h/images/151-350.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..b168ac8
--- /dev/null
+++ b/38672-h/images/151-350.png
diff --git a/38672-h/images/153-300.png b/38672-h/images/153-300.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..f7b40a6
--- /dev/null
+++ b/38672-h/images/153-300.png
diff --git a/38672-h/images/153-700.png b/38672-h/images/153-700.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..277c98c
--- /dev/null
+++ b/38672-h/images/153-700.png
diff --git a/38672-h/images/154-1500.png b/38672-h/images/154-1500.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..6aa32d0
--- /dev/null
+++ b/38672-h/images/154-1500.png
diff --git a/38672-h/images/154-600.png b/38672-h/images/154-600.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..15c082a
--- /dev/null
+++ b/38672-h/images/154-600.png
diff --git a/38672-h/images/155-1200.png b/38672-h/images/155-1200.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..8baab9f
--- /dev/null
+++ b/38672-h/images/155-1200.png
diff --git a/38672-h/images/155-400.png b/38672-h/images/155-400.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..415639d
--- /dev/null
+++ b/38672-h/images/155-400.png
diff --git a/38672-h/images/156-1-250.png b/38672-h/images/156-1-250.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..1529e14
--- /dev/null
+++ b/38672-h/images/156-1-250.png
diff --git a/38672-h/images/156-1-500.png b/38672-h/images/156-1-500.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..67bbbc8
--- /dev/null
+++ b/38672-h/images/156-1-500.png
diff --git a/38672-h/images/156-2-1200.png b/38672-h/images/156-2-1200.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..db1f63f
--- /dev/null
+++ b/38672-h/images/156-2-1200.png
diff --git a/38672-h/images/156-2-600.png b/38672-h/images/156-2-600.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..ba63c21
--- /dev/null
+++ b/38672-h/images/156-2-600.png
diff --git a/38672-h/images/156-3-200.png b/38672-h/images/156-3-200.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..7d65456
--- /dev/null
+++ b/38672-h/images/156-3-200.png
diff --git a/38672-h/images/156-3-400.png b/38672-h/images/156-3-400.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..50b8ce6
--- /dev/null
+++ b/38672-h/images/156-3-400.png
diff --git a/38672.txt b/38672.txt
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..a300910
--- /dev/null
+++ b/38672.txt
@@ -0,0 +1,1555 @@
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 105,
+September 30th 1893, by Various
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 105, September 30th 1893
+
+Author: Various
+
+Editor: Sir Francis Burnand
+
+Release Date: January 25, 2012 [EBook #38672]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH, OR THE LONDON ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Malcolm Farmer, Lesley Halamek and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+
+
+
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Punch, or the London Charivari
+
+Volume 105, September 30th 1893
+
+_edited by Sir Francis Burnand_
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration: BETWEEN FRIENDS.
+
+_Mr. Spooner, Q.C. (a Neophyte)._ "THIS IS MY BALL, I THINK?"
+
+_Colonel Bunting (an Adept)._ "BY JOVE, THAT'S A JOLLY GOOD 'LIE'!"
+
+_Mr. Spooner._ "REALLY, BUNTING, WE'RE VERY OLD FRIENDS, OF COURSE.
+BUT I DO THINK YOU MIGHT FIND A PLEASANTER WAY OF POINTING OUT A
+PERFECTLY UNINTENTIONAL MISTAKE!"]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+"DUE SOUTH!"
+
+Concerning the houses on the East Cliff of "P'm'th" I cannot speak
+from residential experience. They appear to me to have been built with
+a view to using P'm'th as a winter resort only, and are consequently
+protected from the four winds of Heaven by fairly-grown firs, whose
+appearance is very suggestive of Christmas festivities on a gigantic
+scale, when they might be decorated with coloured lamps, flags, toys,
+and bonbons, all of which could be raffled for by the children at home
+for the holidays. Here in a still more sheltered spot, and standing,
+as the auctioneers and estate agents say, "in its own park-like
+grounds," of at least three acres and a half (more or less), is the
+Hot-and-Cold-Bath Hotel, which from its having entertained several
+crowned and half-crowned heads has fairly earned the right to the
+style and title "Royal" as a distinguishing prefix.
+
+The interior of this excellent hostelrie is, as far as my experience
+goes, absolutely unique. It is crammed full of works of art of all
+sorts, sizes, and varieties, so that the stranger within the hotel
+gates may spend a happy day should it rain, as it sometimes does even
+at P'm'th, in walking through the galleries, into the various rooms
+(by permission of the occupiers), and if there be no catalogue (I do
+not remember to have seen one), then he might do worse than make the
+acquaintance of the amiable Bric-a-bracketing and Peculiarly Polite
+Proprietor, Mr. WYTE WESCOTES, who, if the occasion be opportune, will
+with pleasure become his _cicerone_, and show him all the treasures
+of this unique establishment. Or he may entrust himself to the
+other _genius loci_ of the place, represented by the acting manager
+rejoicing in a foreign name not to be mastered all at once by the
+sharpest British ear. To my mind, full of many early theatrical
+reminiscences, it is immediately associated with the name of a Chinese
+Princess in an ancient extravaganza entitled _The Willow-Pattern
+Plate_, where Her Royal Highness is thus mentioned in the prologue:--
+
+  "And this is the room of his daughter KOONG-SEE,
+  Who's shut up, as she's found in the first scene to be,
+  Whence she looks on the gardens and looks on the trees,
+  That wibbledy wobbledy go in the breeze,
+  Whose verdure and shade such a paradise made
+  Of the house of the Mandarin HEE-SING."
+
+All which description can be adapted to present circumstances, and be
+applied to the interior and exterior of the Royal Hot-and-Cold-Bath
+Hotel, Pinemouth, where the fare is excellent, and the price moderate;
+and, if there are, here and there, in the three hundred and sixty-five
+days some bad ones, what of that? Is there any establishment, however
+perfect, which, open all the year round, is not open to cavil and also
+to improvement?
+
+_Trip to Lulworth Cove._--By new L. and S. W. line. This line, like
+the stitch in time, saves nine, or it saves at least seven miles
+formerly traversed in prehistoric times of quite six months ago. We
+are _en route_ for Lulworth. Soothing name Lulworth! Drowsy murmur of
+a Sleepy-Hollow sort drones about the name of Lulworth.
+
+Delightful drive of five or six miles from station to Lulworth Cove.
+Expect of course to be received by "The Cove" himself in person. As
+the road thither is occasionally steep, stout persons are requested to
+get out and walk up the hills, which they do with as good a grace as
+is possible under the circumstances on a broiling September mid-day.
+
+In our shandradan there is a modern version of Miss BIFFIN, who can't
+possibly walk, but not for the physical reasons which prevented the
+above-mentioned "abbreviated form" from pedestrianising; and there
+is also with us the usual genial, stout, elderly dissembler, who,
+affecting to be troubled with a touch of highly respectable gout,
+feigns the deepest regret at being unable to descend from the car and
+join the pedestrians in their delightful toil up the hard and stony
+hill. At the summit we are refreshed by a gentle breeze, and between
+the heights, about three miles distant, obtaining a view of the deep
+blue sea, we feel invigorated.
+
+"_Thalatta! Thalatta!_" exclaims a youth of our party, who is home
+for the holidays. No one understands him except the stout man with the
+gout, who smiles approvingly, and asks the lad some recondite question
+concerning XENOPHON and the Anabasis, whereat the schoolboy shakes
+his head, and murmurs something about "not having got quite so far as
+that." No schoolboy home for the holidays ever has got as far as the
+question you put to him. All our schoolboy knows has been exhausted in
+that one quotation, and perhaps the stout gentleman with the touch of
+gout is not sorry that the boy's knowledge of Greek is limited. It
+is a venturesome thing for a man over fifty, who has not "kept up his
+classics," to tackle a boy fresh from school.
+
+We lose sight of the sea, and descend into the little sleepy fishing
+village of Lulworth. An out-of-the-way place, with an excellent inn
+(the name of which escapes my memory, but it is the only inn near the
+bay), where there is good accommodation for man and beast. Here the
+lobsters belong to precisely the same family as do those caught at
+Swanage, and no higher praise can be bestowed on any lobsters, those
+of Cromer, in Norfolk, included, than this. "Show me your lobster,
+and I'll show you the man to eat it!" This is my sentiment down
+South-West, or due North. The stout and gouty hero, who might have
+failed to tackle the boy "fresh from school," now shows himself an
+adept at tackling a lobster fresh from the sea. But more about Lunch,
+Lobsters, and the Legend of Durdle Door "in our next."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+GOOD NEWS FOR FIZZIONOMISTS.--To quote _The Merchant of Venice_, "_The
+World_ says, and I say so too," (_i.e._ _The World_ of last week,)
+that "the quality of the Champagne (the writer is speaking of Moet and
+Chandon and Pommery and Greno) will be good." The crop is to be "six
+times that of last year." Excellent--if only it be six times superior!
+And oh! if it would only be just one-third less in price!! As the poet
+(which word rhymes with "Moet") of the Champagne country sings,--
+
+  "To keep a _mens sana in corpore sano_,
+  Give me in plenty my Pommery Greno."
+
+But, at all events, so far as they are professionally judging from the
+face of the country about Epernay and Rheims, the Fizzionomists are
+more than likely to be right. _Ainsi soit-il._
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+"DOLLARS AND SENSE."--According to all accounts, Mr. DALY has shown
+his "sense" in reviving this piece (for a short run), so we hope he'll
+pull in "the dollars."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+MRS. R. WANTS TO KNOW.--"Who was the celebrated Scotchman," she asks,
+"who took 'the Cameroons' to East Africa?"
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+SIR AQUARIUS TO THE RESCUE!
+
+_Or, The Valiant Knight of the Watering Pot, and the Laidly Dragon of
+London._
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    ["The Report of the Royal Commission appointed for the purpose
+    of ascertaining whether the sources available within the
+    watersheds of the Thames and Lea are adequate in quantity and
+    quality for the water supply of the metropolis, has been laid
+    upon the table of the House of Commons.... The Commissioners
+    are convinced that much filth of various kinds is discharged
+    unnecessarily and illegally into the rivers.... They insist
+    upon the necessity for frequent inspection by an authority
+    appointed for the purpose.... The treatment of the water
+    after abstraction from the river is a subject to which the
+    Commissioners have devoted a good deal of attention ... they
+    suggest that regulations should be drawn up after competent
+    inquiry, and strictly enforced, the enforcement being
+    entrusted to a Public Water Examiner, who should have the
+    legal right of entry to all the waterworks."--_The Times._]
+
+AIR--"_The Dragon of Wantley._"
+
+  Old stories tell how Hercules
+    A dragon slew at Lerna,
+  With seven heads and fourteen eyes,
+    To see and well discern-a.
+  But our Laidly worm, who can wriggle and squirm,
+    Our health long time hath _un_done;
+  And it's oh! for a knight, or some man of might,
+    To demolish the Dragon of London!
+
+  This dragon hath two horrid heads,
+    For forage and for foison;
+  The one's all jaw, and devouring maw,
+    Whilst the other breathes forth poison.
+  Monopolist Greed is the one, indeed,
+    Whilst the other means Pollution;
+  And a hide of iron doth environ
+    Each scaly convolution.
+
+  You've heard, of course, of the Trojan horse;
+    Well, this Dragon is thrice as big, Sir!
+  With the mouth of a hog, or a Pollywog,
+    Or Egyptian Porcupig, Sir!
+  Like the Snapping Turtle he'll hustle and hurtle,
+    And gulp like the Gobbling Grampus;
+  And smite and shock, like the Jabberwock,
+    Or the Chawsome Catta-Wampus!
+
+  On the river's banks he plays his pranks,
+    An Amphibious Amphisbaena;
+  By the Thames and the Lea his coils you'll see,
+    A-stretch--like a concertina.
+  For the Thames to him, from brim to brim,
+    Is a sort of a private Pactolus,
+  In whose sands of gold this Dragon bold
+    Can roll and wallow--_solus!_
+
+  With one head he grabs L. S. D.
+    (Like a Nibelungen Treasure),
+  With t'other, whose breath means disease and death,
+    He befouls it beyond measure.
+  And those two heads o'er the watersheds
+    Of the Thames and Lea do hover,
+  Till a noxious brewage of slime and sewage
+    Is the draught of the water-lover.
+
+  Where's the "More of More Hall with nothing at all,"
+    To bring swift retribution,
+  And put the gag on this two-headed Dragon
+    Of Greed and of Pollution?
+  Hurroo! Hooray! Some have had their say
+    (And their counsels have been various).
+  But there looms in sight a "peerless knight,"
+    Which his name is "Sir AQUARIUS."
+
+  This Public Water Examiner,
+    "With legal right of entry,"
+  Should right the wrong of this Dragon strong,
+    And o'er river-rights stand sentry.
+  More of More Hall was nothing at all
+    For a balladist to brag on,
+  Compared with our Knight of the Watering Pot--
+    _If he'll slay our River Dragon!_
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: "QUITE AT HOME."
+
+_Podgers (who is somehow managing to spend his holiday at a Country
+House for the shooting)._ "WELL, SPEAKING OF BOOTS, SIR JOHN, YOU SEE
+THESE SHOES I HAVE ON. THEY COST ME EXACTLY FOUR-AND-SIXPENCE. _NOW I
+DARE SAY YOU GAVE TWICE AS MUCH FOR YOURS?_"]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+STRICTLY ENTRE NOUS (_communicated by Sir Ben Trovato_).--Quite
+recently Mr. CONDIE STEPHEN had the honour of dining with Her Majesty
+at Balmoral. He expressed himself highly pleased with a certain port
+wine at dessert. Sir ALGERNON "of that ilk" suggested that a bin of
+it should be put by in the Royal cellars, to be kept specially for Mr.
+STEPHEN'S visits, and labelled "_Condie's Fluid_."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+TURPIN AND TRAINS.
+
+Railway travelling in Chicago must be pleasant. "The express train to
+New York," says Dalziel's Express in the _Times_ of the 13th, "on
+the Lake Shore Railway was stopped by robbers about 140 miles east of
+Chicago." Twenty robbers, masked, did the business, killing the engine
+driver, and blowing open the express compartment of the car with
+dynamite! When travelling by steam was introduced we congratulated
+ourselves on our roads being freed from DICK TURPIN, PAUL CLIFFORD,
+and Co.; and with steamers, Atlantic liners, and so forth, it was
+presumed that the last had been heard of PAUL JONES and the Red Rover.
+But can this immunity be any longer guaranteed? May we not in due
+course expect to hear of "A P. and O. steamer robbed on the High Seas
+by a Pirate Craft," or "The Bath Express stopped soon after leaving
+Swindon by PAUL CLIFFORD, jun., and his gang of desperadoes"?
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+SOMETHING LIKE A CENTENARIAN.--The _Daily Chronicle_ gives a most
+useful summary of notable events for every day in the week. Here is
+one to be quoted as ever memorable, which appeared on Wednesday, Sept.
+20:--
+
+    "Battle of Newbury. Lord Falkland killed, 1643. Bishop John
+    Gauden died, 1662. Battle of Valmy, 1792. _Sir Edward James
+    Reed, K.C.B., born, 1630!!_ Battle of the Alma, 1854."
+
+We congratulate Sir EDWARD on having attained his
+Two-hundred-and-sixty-third birthday!! The oldest inhabitant isn't in
+it with him.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+UNDER THE ROSE.
+
+(_A Story in Scenes._)
+
+SCENE V.--_A General Waiting-room at Clapham Junction._ CURPHEW _is
+leaning against the mantelpiece_. Mr. TOOVEY _is seated on one of the
+horsehair chairs against the wall_.
+
+_Mr. Toovey (to himself)._ I do wish he'd sit down, and not look at me
+in that austere way! (_Aloud._) Won't you take a chair? It would be so
+much more comfortable.
+
+  [_He shifts his seat uneasily._
+
+_Curphew (stiffly)._ Thanks, Mr. TOOVEY, but I'd rather stand--for so
+short a time. (_A pause._) Well, Sir, you have something to say to me,
+I believe?
+
+_Mr. Toov. (to himself)._ Oh dear, I'm almost sorry now I--he won't
+make sufficient allowances for me. (_Aloud, after another pause._) The
+fact is, Mr. CURPHEW, I--I've just made a--a very painful discovery,
+which--is there any water in that decanter? because I--I feel a little
+thirsty.
+
+  [CURPHEW _pours him out a glass of water, which he sips_.
+
+_Curph._ Come, Sir, we needn't beat about the bush. I think I
+can spare you the preliminaries. I suppose you've heard about the
+Eldorado?
+
+_Mr. Toov. (to himself)._ He knows already! These journalists find out
+everything. (_Aloud._) I--I have indeed, but I assure you that, up to
+the very moment my nephew informed me, I had no more suspicion----
+
+_Curph._ You naturally consider that I ought to have told you at once,
+but the fact is, I--well, I had some reason to doubt whether Mrs.
+TOOVEY----
+
+_Mr. Toov._ Oh, you were quite right, it would never have done--never
+have done. I haven't breathed a word to Mrs. TOOVEY myself as yet.
+I was afraid I might be obliged to this morning. She discovered that
+dreadful Eldorado programme in one of my pockets, and was curious,
+very naturally curious, as to why I had kept it, but I passed it
+off--I managed to pass it off. I--I thought it better, at all events,
+till--till I had talked it over with you.
+
+_Curph. (to himself, relieved)._ He takes it wonderfully well. I
+shouldn't be surprised if I could talk him over. (_Aloud._) Oh,
+decidedly, Sir. And may I ask you what your own views are?
+
+_Mr. Toov._ I--I don't know what to think. For a man in my position
+to have even the remotest connection with--with a London music-hall!
+Wouldn't it be considered scandalous, or at least indecorous, if it
+were to leak out now? Shouldn't I be regarded as--as inconsistent, for
+example?
+
+_Curph._ Oh, no one could reproach _you_, at all events, Sir!
+
+_Mr. Toov. (to himself)._ And I thought he was going to be so hard
+on me! (_Aloud._) I am glad you take that view of it--yes, I can't be
+held responsible for what I did in absolute ignorance; but, now that I
+_do_ know, I can't go on, can I?--after a lifetime spent in condemning
+such entertainments!
+
+_Curph._ But are you quite sure, Sir, that your condemnation was based
+on any real foundation; mayn't you have been too ready to think the
+worst? Have you ever troubled yourself to inquire into the way they
+were conducted?
+
+_Mr. Toov. (to himself, in astonishment)._ Why, he's actually making
+excuses for them! (_Aloud._) I have always been given to understand
+that they were most improper places, Sir; that was sufficient for
+me--quite sufficient!
+
+_Curph._ I daresay I have no right to speak; but you may not be aware
+that all music-halls are now subject to the strictest supervision. And
+a body like the London County Council is not likely to sanction any
+impropriety in the entertainments.
+
+_Mr. Toov. (to himself)._ If I could only persuade myself that I might
+keep the shares with a good conscience! To give up three hundred
+and fifty a year, without necessity! I wonder what he would say.
+(_Aloud._) True, that didn't occur to me before; and the London County
+Council, they wouldn't encourage anything really----If I could only
+be sure--and I'm open to conviction--I hope I'm always open to
+conviction.
+
+[Illustration: "I drop into a music-hall?"]
+
+_Curph. (to himself)._ He's coming round; he's not such a pig-headed
+old Pharisee as I thought. (_Aloud._) I am sure you are. You are not
+the man to condemn any form of amusement, however harmless, merely
+because you find no attraction in it yourself.
+
+_Mr. Toov._ No, no. And I see the force of what you say; and if I
+could only once satisfy myself that the entertainment was really
+harmless----
+
+_Curph. (to himself)._ He couldn't very well object to _my_ part
+of it--it's an idea, and worth trying. (_Aloud._) My dear Sir, why
+_shouldn't_ you? In any case I should terminate my connection with the
+music-hall as soon as possible.
+
+_Mr. Toov. (disappointed)._ Would you? Then you _do_ think----? But
+the sacrifice, my dear young friend, it--it's a great deal of money to
+give up!
+
+_Curph. (lightly)._ Oh, that's of no consequence. I shouldn't think of
+that, for a moment!
+
+_Mr. Toov. (to himself, annoyed)._ It's all very well for him to talk
+like that, but it's _my_ sacrifice, and I _do_ think of it! (_Aloud._)
+But--but wouldn't it be a little Quixotic to withdraw from this
+Eldorado, supposing I found there was no moral objection to it, eh?
+
+_Curph._ I thought you would be the first to insist that the Eldorado
+should be given up! Surely, Sir, when I tell you that I love your
+daughter; that I hope, though I have not spoken as yet, to enter your
+family some day as your son-in-law, you will look at it differently?
+
+_Mr. Toov. (to himself)._ He does want to marry our THEA? CORNELIA
+will he delighted--delighted, but I really can't allow him to dictate
+to me whether to sell the shares or not! (_Aloud, with dignity._) My
+good young friend, I have lived longer than you in the world, and you
+will permit me to say that if, after investigation, I see no cause to
+disapprove of the Eldorado, there is no reason that I can discover
+why _you_ should hesitate to enter my family. I--I must act on my own
+judgment--entirely on my own judgment!
+
+_Curph. (to himself)._ He _is_ an old trump! Who would have thought
+he'd be so reasonable. (_Aloud, overjoyed._) My dear Sir, how can
+I thank you? That is all I ask--more than I could possibly have
+expected. And I was about to suggest that you might drop into the
+Eldorado some evening this week and judge for yourself.
+
+_Mr. Toov. (recoiling in consternation)._ I? I drop into a music-hall?
+Oh, I couldn't, indeed! Why, I never was in such a place in all my
+life. And if anybody were to see me there!
+
+_Curph._ You need not be seen at all. There are private boxes where no
+one would notice you, I could easily get them to send you one, if you
+like.
+
+_Mr. Toov. (to himself)._ What a power the Press is, to be sure!
+I remember CHARLES said that newspaper writers could get seats for
+everything. (_Aloud._) Really, I hardly know what to say; it's so very
+contrary to all my habits, and then--to go alone. Now if _you_ would
+only accompany me----
+
+_Curph._ You forget, Sir, that's quite impossible. _I_ can't come in
+the box with you!
+
+_Mr. Toov. (to himself)._ There it is--it's against his principles to
+go himself, and yet he expects _me_ to! (_Aloud, peevishly._) Then why
+are you so anxious to have _me_ go, eh?
+
+_Curph._ Why? Because there are Mrs. TOOVEY'S prejudices to be
+considered, and I'm anxious that you should be in a position to assure
+her from your own personal experience that----
+
+_Mr. Toov._ Oh, my dear young friend, if I did go, I don't think I
+could ever mention such an experience as that to Mrs. TOOVEY. She--she
+might fail to understand that I merely went for the satisfaction of my
+own conscience.
+
+_Curph._ She might, of course. So long as you satisfy yourself, then.
+And--what night will suit you best?
+
+_Mr. Toov._ You're in such a hurry, young man. I--I never said I
+should go. I'm not at all sure that I _can_ go; but if I did allow
+myself to venture, it would have to be some evening when my wife--let
+me see, on Saturday she's going out to some special meeting of her
+Zenana Mission Committee, I know. It had better be Saturday, if at
+all--if at all.
+
+_Curph. (making a note)._ Very well. I will see you have a box for
+that evening, and I hope you will manage to go. But there's a train
+coming in--I must really be off. Good-bye, Sir, and very many thanks
+for the kind and generous way in which you have treated me. I am
+very glad we have had this explanation, and thoroughly understand one
+another. Good-bye--good-bye!
+
+  [_He shakes_ Mr. TOOVEY'S _hand with cordial gratitude, and rushes out_.
+
+_Mr. Toov. (looking after him in some mystification)._ A most
+high-minded young man, but a little too officious. And I don't
+understand why he makes such a point of my going to this Eldorado
+_now_. But, if I do go, I mayn't see anything to disapprove of; and,
+if I don't, I shall keep the shares--whether he likes it or not. He
+may be a very worthy young man, but I doubt whether he's quite a man
+of the world!
+
+END OF SCENE V.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+A STUDY IN PRESS-LAND.
+
+(_An Actuality, in one short Scene, at the service of the Institute of
+Journalists._)
+
+SCENE--_An Editor's Room._ Editor _discovered in conversation with_
+Would-be Reporter.
+
+_Editor (preparing to resume his work)._ Well, from all you tell me, I
+imagine you must be a most accomplished person.
+
+_Would-be Reporter (smiling)._ Well, I believe I am up to the standard
+required by the Institute of Journalists. My classics are fairly good,
+but I do not know as much as I should of mixed mathematics. However,
+I took a double first at Oxford; but then I had a particularly easy
+year. All the men against me were practically duffers.
+
+_Ed. (slightly interested)._ Do you know anything of modern languages?
+
+_W.-be Rep._ Well, yes. I can speak and write European in all its
+branches, including Swedish and Norwegian _patois_, and the _argot_
+used on the borders of Turkey and Greece. I am fairly well up in
+Chinese, but have only a general idea of the grammar of Afghanistan.
+But I may add that I am spending four hours a day in completing this
+part of my training.
+
+_Ed._ I think you said that you have passed in engineering,
+orchestra-playing, astronomy, naval and military tactics, and the
+history of the world, and the other components of the planetary
+system?
+
+_W.-be Rep._ Certainly; I have in every way (save that I have still
+to pass in Roman Law) satisfied the requirements of the Institute
+of Journalists. I am all but qualified for the reception of an
+Associate's degree.
+
+_Ed. (with a view to closing the interview)._ Very well, then; we
+shall be glad to use anything you may be good enough to send us--of
+course, at the customary rate.
+
+_W.-be Rep. (gratefully)._ A thousand thanks. I know; three-half-pence
+a line, with a minimum of three shillings.
+
+_Ed._ Precisely. (_Taking up his pen._) And now, as my Sub-editor
+told me that there was a fire somewhere in the neighbourhood, you had
+better look after it.
+
+_W.-be Rep._ Thank you so much. But as I have forgotten to bring my
+reporter's-book, perhaps you will kindly lend me some copy-paper?
+
+_Ed._ Certainly; you will find some in that corner. (_He approaches
+speaking-tube, to which he has been summoned by a whistle._) Ah! You
+need not trouble after the fire, for I find we have already received a
+report from someone on the spot.
+
+_W.-be Rep. (in a tone of disappointment)._ What a bore! just as I was
+going to report it myself! However, better luck next time.
+
+_Ed. (courteously)._ I hope so; good morning. (_Exit_ Would-be
+Reporter.) What a nuisance these fellows are! Highly educated,
+of course, and all that sort of thing; but I am not sure that the
+rough-and-ready school was not the better.
+
+_W.-be Rep. (re-entering hurriedly)._ My good Sir! Fancy! the man
+who has sent you the report of the local fire was educated at a small
+grammar-school, and never even entered a university!
+
+_Ed._ Well, what of that?
+
+_W.-be Rep. (surprised)._ You surely won't use his copy?
+
+_Ed. (decisively)._ I surely shall. First come, first served. And now
+you must allow me. (_Returns to his work, to the surprise and disgust
+of_ Would-be Reporter. _Curtain._)
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+"PIECE AND WAR!" AT DRURY LANE.
+
+"Victory sits on our helms!" cries Sir DRURIOLANUS AUCTOR to HENRICUS
+PARVUS ETIAM AUCTOR, as they drive back to "The Helms, Regent's Park,"
+after the curtain has descended on the last scene of the last act of
+_A Life of Pleasure_ at Drury Lane. Twice has Sir DRURIOLANUS appeared
+before the footlights at the end of the Fourth Act, when some battle
+in Burmah is gallantly won by the united dramatic forces under the
+heroic but comic Captain HARRY NICHOLLS, Colonel Lord FRANK FENTON
+AVONDALE, Sergeant CLARENCE HOLT, and a handful of the bravest
+soldiers that ever marched to glory over the boards of old Drury Lane.
+What the story is, and how these heroes got into the jungle and out
+again, and how the right man married the right woman, and how the
+wronged woman would have saved the villain from the vengeance of HENRY
+DESMOND O'NEVILLE,--who, alas, had to stay in the green-room while
+the others were distinguishing themselves in Burmah,--is known to the
+clever collaborators and a few of their trusted confidants. Of that
+strange history I, a mere civilian, had every detail blown clean out
+of my head by the din of the great battle. In fact, never have I heard
+of any "theatrical engagement" equal to this.
+
+[Illustration: "The Action of the Piece."]
+
+That Miss LILY HANBURY looked lovely, and touched my heart; that Mrs.
+BERNARD-BEERE suddenly developed a brogue that, on occasion, betrayed
+her nationality; that Miss LE THIERE was a villainous matron; that
+Miss LAURA LINDEN was sprightly and pretty; that Mr. ARTHUR DACRE was
+the best representative of lop-sided villainy ever seen on the stage;
+and that Mr. ROBERT SOUTAR reappeared as an elderly masher about town;
+all this, I am ready to admit, would have been good enough for
+me, without any attempt on my part at stringing them together in a
+consecutive story. Didn't I know from the very moment she appeared
+in deep black, and with a very pale face, that Miss LE THIERE was a
+villain of the deepest dye in petticoats? Could I have trusted Mr.
+ARTHUR DACRE, in his neat grey suit, with a sixpence, much less
+with my life? As for Mr. ELTON, representing the Hebraic
+money-lender--indispensable of late years to all Drury Lane
+dramas--wasn't I well aware that he was to be the comic villain, only
+set up to be knocked down again, and to be finally bowled out by
+the apparently simple HARRY NICHOLLS? Then there is the scene at the
+Empire, admirably stage-managed, but the ladies should try to take
+just a trifle more interest in the strange proceedings of that
+eventful night, as they should also do when re-appearing as wedding
+guests in the last act. But these fair ladies are heartless; all's
+one to them, happen what may. Then there was the House-boat, equally
+well-arranged; but everything is entirely eclipsed by the Military
+Act, in three scenes, which contains "the action of the piece," and
+leaves the audience half-deafened by mitrailleuses, and half-choked by
+the gunpowder. But as the smoke gradually cleared away, the stalwart
+figure of the Commander-in-Chief, yclept DRURIOLANUS himself, was seen
+bowing his acknowledgments.
+
+But what was it all about? "'Why, that I cannot tell,' quoth Old
+CASPAR, 'but 'twas a famous victory!'" And if you, my non-combatant
+readers, wish to know how the Burmese War was undertaken for the
+special benefit of HARRY NICHOLLS, you just go and see for yourself
+the new drama, mysteriously entitled _A Life of Pleasure_, at T. R.
+Drury Lane, and for this advice you will thank
+
+  "OLD CASPAR."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+A MOOT POINT.--The G. O. M. is reported to have been engaged in
+translating _Horace_. Is this a picturesque way of referring to the
+recent elevation of Sir HORACE DAVEY?
+
+UNHAPPY INFLUENCE OF MODERN MUSIC-HALL MELODIES.
+
+"THERE LIES THE BRAVE KNIGHT, DARLING, WITH HIS FAITHFUL DOG AT HIS
+FEET, AND HIS WIFE BY HIS SIDE!"
+
+"AND HAS SHE GOT A DOG, TOO, MUMMY?"
+
+"NO, DARLING, ONLY A CUSHION!"
+
+"AH, I SUPPOSE HER DADDY _WOULDN'T_ BUY HER A BOW-WOW-WOW!"
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+THE "FORLORN HOPE."
+
+    ["It is understood (says the _Daily News_) that Mr. GLADSTONE
+    will speak in Edinburgh on Wednesday, September 27, on the
+    action of the House of Lords in rejecting the Home-Rule Bill.
+    His followers are expecting him to give the word of command
+    for an attack on the Upper House."]
+
+  "_CHILDE ROLAND to the Dark Tower came!_" So runs
+    The boding refrain BROWNING visioned out.
+    CHILDE ROLAND valiant was, and wondrous stout;
+  But that Dark Tower, which never noonday suns,
+  Full-garrisoned by feudal myrmidons,
+    Might strike to ROLAND'S heart the chill of doubt.
+
+  Four-square to the four winds the fortress stands,
+    Pinnacled high upon a frowning rock.
+    It hath survived the many-centuried shock
+  Of elements, the assault of myriad hands,
+  And to the attack will you now lead your _bands_,
+    Whose rage crag-crowning battlements seem to mock?
+
+  True from those battlements they've hung, in scorn,
+    Your herald, whose torn trappings wildly wave
+    In the rough wind. Though 'tis too late to save
+  You'd fain avenge. Such flouts are hardly borne
+  By Leaders whilst old lips can sound a horn
+    And hands, though ancient, yet can lift a glaive.
+
+  Sound an alarm! Let the fierce war-cry sound!
+    Your followers listen for it. They will cheer
+    When its defiant shrill salutes their ear.
+  Down with the Fortress! Raze it to the ground!
+  End it, not mend it! So they rattle round,
+    The shoutings and the floutings far and near.
+
+  And you, the new CHILDE ROLAND, what think you,
+    At heart, behind that bold and fluent tongue?
+    Lead a Forlorn Hope? Yes, though Death's self flung
+  Its form of bony shape and grisly hue
+  Athwart your path! But--is here aught to do
+    That's _worth_ the venture, when all's said and sung?
+
+  "_If, at their counsel, I should turn aside
+    Into that ominous tract which all agree
+    Hides the Dark Tower? If acquiescingly
+  I do turn as they've pointed! Neither pride
+  Nor hope rekindling at the end descried
+    So much in gladness that some end should be._
+
+  "_Thus, I have so long suffered in this quest
+    Heard failure prophesied so oft, been writ
+    So many times among 'The Band'--to wit
+  The knights who to the Dark Tower's search addressed
+  Their steps--that just to fail as they, seemed best
+    And all the doubt is now--shall I be fit?_
+
+  "_What in the mist lies but the Tower itself?
+    The square squat turrets, blind as the fool's heart,
+    Built of grey stone, without a counterpart
+  In the whole world. The tempest's mocking elf
+  Points to the shipman thus the unseen shelf
+    He strikes on, only when the timbers start._"
+
+  So mused CHILDE ROLAND! Chief of the white crest,
+    With thine adventure doth the strain not fit
+    Most strangely? Looms the Dark Tower turret-lit
+  By autumn rays low, chilly, from the west,
+  So waterishly wan. Oh! crowning test
+    Of mortal valour and of human wit!
+
+  Lead the Forlorn Hope on! E'en Hopes Forlorn
+    Do not fail always. Scale the craggy height!
+    Cheer on your clamorous followers to the fight.
+  Citadels deemed impregnable, in scorn
+  _Have_ mocked their rash beleaguerers at morn
+    To see them swarm their battlements ere night.
+
+  And you, your courage seems to master Fate
+    And mock at Time. Yet Time and Fate, at last,
+    In the greatest life-game have the latest cast.
+  Heroic 'tis to see you, strong, elate,
+  Heading the onset, and in _Punch's_ pate
+    Rings the old rhyme of the romantic past.
+
+  "There they stood, ranged along the hillsides--met
+    To view the last of me, a living frame
+    For one more picture! in a sheet of flame
+  I saw them and I knew them all. And yet
+  Dauntless the slug-horn to my lips I set
+    And blew. '_CHILDE ROLAND to the Dark Tower came._'"
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+CONTRIBUTED BY ONE "_IN STATU PUPILLARI_."--Great changes are
+expected in Egypt. It is said that a certain well-known oculist,
+no, we beg his pardon, we should have described him as "Ophthalmic
+Surgeon," whose name is something between "Crotchet" and "Cricket,"
+and whose recent evidence in a police-court was quite "an eye-opener"
+to the worthy magistrate and the prisoners, is going out to remove
+the First Cataract. We wish him every possible success. He will be
+returned for the next Parliament as the Member for Eye.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: THE "FORLORN HOPE."]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  _"BREEZES"_
+
+  --_in the "Daily Graphic" Office!!_
+
+That "Weather Young Person" has been caught out in a piece of
+barefaced duplicity of which _Mr. Punch_ would not have suspected her
+capable. From a sense of professional duty, no doubt, she has
+been surreptitiously attending the meetings of the "Congress of
+Journalists," leaving a plausible substitute in her place! Climatic
+disturbances have revealed the fraud!!
+
+  _Storm Cone hoisted!!_]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+CROWNING THE EDIFICE.
+
+(_A Study Translated into English from Zolaesque._)
+
+EMILE was triumphant. The arm-chair of the Academy was still vacant.
+He did not yet fill it. But, for all that, he was triumphant, for he
+had performed a brave action. He had achieved a veritable success. It
+was more than thousands from the coffers of the publishers, more
+than pages of praises of the papers. It was a great event at length
+wonderfully accomplished.
+
+EMILE sat in his London lodgings satisfied with all his surroundings.
+Of course, he was interviewed. He had been followed from France to
+England, and had seen in an evening paper an account of the temporary
+indisposition of one very dear to him on board the boat. He was
+prepared for his visitor.
+
+"I am very comfortable. I think England charming; love its fog, and am
+deeply impressed with the LORD MAYOR. I soon had enough of the first
+meeting of the Congress of the Institute, but thought the ball at
+Guildhall excellent. I really have no more to say. Next please." But
+his Interviewer was not to be discarded hurriedly. He stood to his
+guns, or, rather, his reporter's book.
+
+"Are you not proud of all your volumes? Do you not think that by
+writing them you have achieved the success of the century?"
+
+"I am certainly proud of my work. But my work is not my greatest
+achievement. No, a thousand times no, it is not my greatest
+achievement."
+
+"Well what is?" asked the Interviewer; and then he added, "Please
+look sharp about it, as I have to do the Archbishop of CANTERBURY, Mr.
+MONTE CARLO WELLS, and Mr. BALFOUR, before I return to the office."
+
+"Yes, I am prouder of this last feat," pursued the Master, ignoring
+the presence of the Reporter, "than the rest put together. It has
+taken me all my life to make up my mind to do it; but it is done at
+last."
+
+"Of what are you speaking?"
+
+"Yes, what are my novels compared to the heroism of those sixty-five
+minutes! That hour has been a bar to my compatriots. It has kept them
+in France. And now I am their superior. I have at length the right to
+boast a triumph!"
+
+The Interviewer made an entry in his note-book, then he asked for
+further explanation.
+
+"And so you are prouder of this event than all your hard-earned fame.
+And now tell me what event has so greatly moved you?"
+
+"With pleasure. But listen. For twenty years I have laboured to
+write the history of France in romance. And when I say the history of
+France, I mean that part of the nation's story which has sprung from
+the Third Empire."
+
+"Yes, yes," interrupted the Interviewer; "and you have done it well.
+But pardon me, I am pressed for time. His Grace of CANTERBURY awaits
+me at Lambeth. Out with it! What is your special cause for pride?"
+
+"Yes, I have been maligned, misunderstood, insulted, hated. But
+men must now call me a man of great courage, a man of infinite
+determination. For I have done it. Yes, after a lifetime of careful
+consideration I have done it!"
+
+"Done what?" asked the Interviewer, who was growing impatient.
+
+Then came the reply, uttered in a tone of indescribable emotion:
+
+"I have crossed the Channel!"
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+"MY CUMMERBUND."
+
+_Sunday._--At Club. Conversation (learned) about epidemics. Heard
+somebody (an authority of course on the subject) say, "Oh, rub plenty
+of camphor into your cummerbund." Replied, "Yes; good idea." Wrote
+it down. Was going to question him as to details, but found he had
+quitted the club. Know what camphor is, not quite certain as to
+"cummerbund." Think it's Indian. Called in at Oriental Club. Old
+Oriental says, "Only natives wear cummerbunds." Oh, then "cummerbund"
+is not something to eat or drink? "No; it's a kind of cloth. Get 'em
+anywhere now." Anywhere? It appears I am behind the age. Everyone,
+except myself apparently, knows all about a "cummerbund." It sounds a
+bit Scotch; also German. "Cummer" Scotch; "Bund" German. German Bund.
+To be obtained at hosier's, or at any emporium for Indian clothing.
+Good.
+
+_Monday._--Bought cummerbund. Bright colour; neat. Bought also large
+bottle of camphor. Rubbed it in. Strong smell--more than strong. But
+self-preservation is first law, &c., &c., so get accustomed to it.
+After one day's wearing, don't notice saturated cummerbund. Quite
+accustomed to it.
+
+_Tuesday._--Went to see SMITH. "Hullo, old fellow," he says, "afraid
+of moths in your clothes, eh?" Ask what he means. He mentions strong
+smell of camphor. I explain my preventive measures. "Oh, that's all
+very well!" he returns; "but the very best thing is to soak your shirt
+in turpentine. I'm sure of it." Sure he is right, because he is a
+student at Guy's. Thank him warmly for this life-saving hint. Rush
+home; follow his advice. Beastly smell at first, but soon cease to
+notice it. Continue wearing camphorated cummerbund also, as an extra
+precaution. Call on Mrs. MONTGOMERY-MUMBY. Sweet girl her niece!
+Somehow she seems to avoid me, a thing she never did before. So they
+all do, and I have no one to talk to but a crippled uncle of
+theirs, who apparently has a bad cold in his head, for he holds his
+handkerchief to his nose all the time. JONES called. Says he has seen
+SMITH. "By Jove!" he exclaims, "you've been going in for oil painting,
+or chemistry, or something. There's a tremendous smell of turpentine."
+I explain. "Oh, there's no harm in that," he says; "but a far better
+thing is to wet your waistcoat with carbolic acid. Antiseptic, you
+know." Now he is a student at Bart's, and probably knows as much as
+SMITH. Thank him, and resolve to try his preventive in addition to
+the other. Down to Eastbourne. Everyone clears out of railway carriage
+soon after I get in, except one old man, who says he is a medical man,
+and that a plentiful use of disinfectants is no doubt advisable.
+
+_Wednesday._--Meet ROBINSON on the Parade. Says he saw SMITH on
+Tuesday. Asks me what I think of the epidemic scare. Explain my
+precautions. "Thought I noticed an awful smell," he says. "Hope
+it's all right. As for me, I believe there's nothing like pouring
+sulphuretted hydrogen all over the inside of your coat. Had it from
+my uncle, who was Medical Officer of Health at Benares." An invaluable
+suggestion; buy a bottle, and follow his directions when dressing
+for dinner. Horrible stench, like rotten eggs! However, soon get
+accustomed to it. To a dance at the CHOLMONDELEY-CHICKS'S. Never more
+annoyed in my life. Every girl says she has no dance left. What
+can have offended them all? The only partner I have is
+CHOLMONDELEY-CHICK'S maiden aunt, and she faints in my arms after
+going once round the room. However, I have a good supper, for the
+dining-room is quite empty all the time I am in it, so I can get as
+much as I like.
+
+_Thursday._--Back to town. TOMKINS looks in. Says he saw SMITH the other
+day. Then looks curiously all round room. "Do you keep eggs in this room?"
+he asks; "hot weather turned 'em bad, eh?" Explain that I have used
+sulphuretted hydrogen. "Those chemical things," he says, holding his nose,
+"are not half so good as plain, homely preparations. The finest thing of
+all is to soak all your clothes in gin and peppermint. Had it from a man
+who ought to know, for he spent last autumn in Hamburg and used bottles
+full." Thank him with sincere gratitude, and as soon as possible try this
+new precaution. To theatre. People near me begin a great talking.
+Commissionaire asks me to leave. Says "money will be returned." Hanged
+if I go! I've paid for this seat. Then a fearful uproar starts. Do not
+remember details of fight, but find myself "chucked" into the roadway.
+Policeman picks me up as drunk and incapable. Spend night in police-cell.
+* * * * Explanations magisterially accepted.... Apology given and taken.
+Off (with the cummerbund), and away for a tour in the North.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: A VERY GREAT MAN.
+
+(_Cub Hunting._)
+
+_Young Farmer._ "WELL, MASTER JACK! OUT AGAIN?"
+
+_Master Jack._ "WHY, YES. FACT IS, YOU KNOW, ALWAYS LIKE TO GET
+AS MUCH IN AS POSSIBLE BEFORE WE BEGIN TO ADVERTISE. BRINGS SUCH A
+BEASTLY LOT O' DUFFERS OUT, DON'T YOU KNOW!"]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.
+
+CHATTO AND WINDUS have just issued a new edition of OUIDA'S _Dog of
+Flanders_. The well-got-up and cheaply-priced volume contains three
+other Stories, nearly as charming. In the quartette OUIDA, my Baronite
+says, will be found at her best--OUIDA, without the weeds of grossness
+and comical classicality that sometimes grow in her pastures. Of this
+volume of her works it may be said that, happily, LEMPRIERE is not in
+it.
+
+To those about to travel, whether there and back, or there or back,
+is immaterial, the Baron strongly recommends _The Great Shadow_ and
+_Beyond the City_, two stories in one volume by CONAN DOYLE, published
+in ARROWSMITH'S three and sixpenny series. It is a long time since the
+Baron has read a more dramatically told story than that of _The Great
+Shadow_. Truly, if his opinion had been asked, he would have seriously
+advised any novelist against attempting, in any form, a description of
+the Battle of Waterloo. Yet, though CONAN DOYLE has done it admirably,
+there is, thinks the Baron, just one chapter too much of this work. No
+one, since CHARLES LEVER wrote, has achieved anything like it, though
+there is just a smack of _Orthis Mulcaney & Co._ about it which--"but
+that is another story." The Baron finding no fault with the
+illustrations as illustrations, wishes that the tales had been left
+to themselves, and that they had been told without these superfluous
+aids. It is a pleasure to recommend such a book, and it _is_
+recommended by everybody's trusted Literary Adviser, THE BARON DE
+BOOK-WORMS.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+What the Vicar of Amesbury Inclines to Say.
+
+(_Judging from his Letter in the "Standard," September 22, on the
+Desecration or Preservation of Stonehenge Question._)
+
+  My friends, for goodness' sake forbear
+  From fussy interference here.
+  Blest be the man who "makes no bones,",
+  And blamed be he who stirs these stones!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+HISTORY REPEATS ITSELF.
+
+(_A Thought at the Haymarket Theatre._)
+
+  The first appearance "of the Personal Devil"
+  Was nigh the Tree of Knowledge, good and evil;
+  And so the Tempter's latest _role_ we see
+  Is still associated with a TREE.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
+
+EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.
+
+_House of Commons, Wednesday, September 20._--Met WOODALL, V.C.,
+crossing Lobby just now on the way to his battlemented tower.
+Shouldn't have known him--indeed, had passed him, when I recognised
+his voice hailing me. It had an unusually tinny sound, due to fact
+that it made its way through the interstices of a closed visor.
+
+"Good gracious, WOODALL!" I said; "is that you? I thought it was one
+of the figures from the Tower taking an airing."
+
+"Yes," said the Financial Secretary to the War Office with same
+vibrating, tinny intonation, "by my halidome (so to speak) it's me:
+and precious hot and generally uncomfortable it is, too, I can tell
+you. The things don't fit, you see; borrowed them from the Tower;
+some a size too large, which is bad; others a turn too small, which,
+considering they are made in metal, is worse."
+
+WOODALL got up, regardless of expense, in helmet, breastplate, things
+like kneecaps, and a piece of sheet-iron fitted to the small of his
+back.
+
+"What do you do it for, then?"
+
+With difficulty WOODALL, V.C., unhooked something in his visor, and,
+after cautiously looking round, took it off.
+
+"Haven't you heard," he said, as he mopped his forehead, "of the
+Secret Society, sworn to decimate us fellows of the War Office? Began
+with ST. JOHN BRODRICK, who narrowly escaped assassination in the
+streets; went on to CAMPBELL-BANNERMAN, who was threatened with sudden
+death. Now they've turned their attention on me. Every post brings
+an anonymous letter, advising me that my end approaches. They are
+in different handwriting, but the note-paper enjoys in common the
+adornment of a death's-head and cross-bones. Sometimes there's a
+coffin underneath; occasionally this accessory is omitted; it is made
+up for in the added ferocity of the communication. This makes one very
+uneasy. I daresay you have observed how stout CAMPBELL-BANNERMAN looks
+of late. It's only his shirt of mail, worn under his ordinary linen.
+He says he's going to Marienbad to get rid of it; that's only his
+joke. As for me, I don't think it's worth mincing matters. I, as you
+see, go the whole animal; but it's very wearing. SANDHURST told me
+it was a case of armour or assassination. Having tried the armour
+for three days, am not quite sure I should not prefer assassination.
+Excuse me, there's a strange man lingering in the corner."
+
+[Illustration: Woodall, V.C.]
+
+And WOODALL, shutting his head up in the helmet, warily walked off.
+
+[Illustration: WHO WOULD BE AN M.P.?
+
+_A Warning to Aspiring Legislators._]
+
+_Business done._--Appropriation Bill read a Second time.
+
+_Friday._--All over. Royal Assent given to Appropriation Bill. Curtain
+falls on last scene in Act I. of Session 1893; a play in two Acts.
+
+"And whose Session should you say it has been, TOBY?" asked ROWTON, a
+man of universal sympathies, and an insatiable thirst for knowledge.
+
+"Mr. G.'s, I suppose. At least, that will be the general verdict. He
+has outshone himself. Whether you like what he has done or detest it,
+you must pay homage to the tireless energy, the infinite skill, and
+the matchless eloquence with which it has been accomplished. JOSEPH
+has excelled himself as a Parliamentary force; PRINCE ARTHUR has taken
+a long stride in the direction of establishing himself in position
+of Leader. These things are obvious, and will be said everywhere. But
+since you ask me whose Session it has been, I should say it has been
+MARJORIBANKS'. It's all very well to have a supreme Parliamentarian
+leading majority, small but compact. If you haven't got a Whip that
+can keep them together, who not only has them there on big field
+night, but always on the spot to repel surprises, where are you? In
+ordinary times it's comparatively easy to keep the Conservatives in
+hand, whether in office or out. Out or in the Liberals are skittish.
+This Session things have been peculiarly critical, as is shown in the
+cases of NAPOLEON BOLTONPARTY and the SENTENTIOUS SAUNDERS. To keep
+a majority safe and steady at such times requires in a Whip a rare
+combination of gifts and graces. With the assistance of an excellent
+team, MARJORIBANKS has done this. It is a minor Ministerial post,
+but the service rendered is incalculable. So if you want to name the
+Session, call it MAJORITYBANKS'."
+
+[Illustration: Expiring Law Continuance Bill passing through
+Committee.]
+
+_Business done._--Parliament adjourned till November 2.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+PERSONAL COURAGE.--A Reuter's telegram last week states that "The
+Brazilian Minister here refuses to be interviewed."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+THE JOLLY YOUNG WATERMAIDS.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+  And have you not read of eight jolly young watermaids,
+    Lately at Cookham accustomed to ply
+  And feather their oars with a deal of dexterity,
+    Pleasing the critical masculine eye?
+  They swing so truly and pull so steadily,
+  Multitudes flock to the river-side readily;--
+  It's not the eighth wonder that all the world's there,
+  But this watermaid eight, ne'er in want of a stare.
+  What sights of white costumes! What ties and what hatbands,
+    "Leander cerise!" We don't wish to offend,
+  But are these first thoughts with the dashing young women
+    Who don't dash too much in a spurt off Bourne End?
+  Mere nonsense, of course! There's no "giggling and leering"--
+  Complete ruination to rowing and steering;--
+  "All eyes in the boat" is their coach's first care,
+  And "a spin of twelve miles" is as naught to the fair.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+THEATRICAL NEWS.--During the absence of _Beckett_ from London, and
+_The Second Mrs. Tanqueray_ having left town, _The Tempter_ in the
+Haymarket tried to entice _Charley's Aunt_ from the Globe to go in for
+_A Life of Pleasure_ at Drury Lane, but _The Other Fellow_ from the
+Court induced her to go for _A Trip to Chicago_ in The Vaudeville,
+where he cruelly abandoned her, to take up with _La Fille de Madame
+Angot_, at the Criterion. But she soon let him know what _A
+Woman's Revenge_ at the Adelphi was like, and he sailed away in
+the Shaftesbury, _Morocco Bound_, pursued by _Don Quixote_, who had
+watched the proceedings from the Strand. The lady who in the meantime
+had obtained the fortunate talisman of _La Mascotte_ from the Gaiety,
+was provided by DALY'S Company with _Dollars and Sense_, and is now
+doing uncommonly well. But the villain, who would have made her his
+victim, will soon experience the result of _Sowing the Wind_ at the
+Comedy.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+"SUBGRADUATUS INDIGNANS" writes.--"SIR,--Within the last fortnight on
+one day I find in the _Standard_ that '_seventy degrees were recorded
+at Cambridge_!' How's this? During Long Vacation!! Who conferred these
+degrees? What degrees? Who got 'em? Where's the Vice-Chancellor? I
+pause for a reply. P S.--Beg pardon! Find I have overlooked head of
+paragraph, '_The falling barometer_,' &c., &c., so that _perhaps_ I
+may be in error."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+
+
+
+Transcriber's Note
+
+Page 149: 'orchesta' corrected to 'orchestra' "orchestra-playing,
+astronomy, naval and military tactics,"
+
+'just as I was going to it report myself!' corrected to 'just as I was
+going to report it myself!'
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume
+105, September 30th 1893, by Various
+
+*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH, OR THE LONDON ***
+
+***** This file should be named 38672.txt or 38672.zip *****
+This and all associated files of various formats will be found in:
+        http://www.gutenberg.org/3/8/6/7/38672/
+
+Produced by Malcolm Farmer, Lesley Halamek and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions
+will be renamed.
+
+Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no
+one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation
+(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without
+permission and without paying copyright royalties.  Special rules,
+set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to
+copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to
+protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark.  Project
+Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you
+charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission.  If you
+do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the
+rules is very easy.  You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose
+such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and
+research.  They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do
+practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks.  Redistribution is
+subject to the trademark license, especially commercial
+redistribution.
+
+
+
+*** START: FULL LICENSE ***
+
+THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE
+PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK
+
+To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free
+distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work
+(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project
+Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project
+Gutenberg-tm License (available with this file or online at
+http://gutenberg.org/license).
+
+
+Section 1.  General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic works
+
+1.A.  By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to
+and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property
+(trademark/copyright) agreement.  If you do not agree to abide by all
+the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy
+all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession.
+If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the
+terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or
+entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8.
+
+1.B.  "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark.  It may only be
+used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who
+agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement.  There are a few
+things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works
+even without complying with the full terms of this agreement.  See
+paragraph 1.C below.  There are a lot of things you can do with Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement
+and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works.  See paragraph 1.E below.
+
+1.C.  The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation"
+or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic works.  Nearly all the individual works in the
+collection are in the public domain in the United States.  If an
+individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are
+located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from
+copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative
+works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg
+are removed.  Of course, we hope that you will support the Project
+Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by
+freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of
+this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with
+the work.  You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by
+keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project
+Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others.
+
+1.D.  The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern
+what you can do with this work.  Copyright laws in most countries are in
+a constant state of change.  If you are outside the United States, check
+the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement
+before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or
+creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project
+Gutenberg-tm work.  The Foundation makes no representations concerning
+the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United
+States.
+
+1.E.  Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg:
+
+1.E.1.  The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate
+access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently
+whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the
+phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project
+Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed,
+copied or distributed:
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+1.E.2.  If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived
+from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is
+posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied
+and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees
+or charges.  If you are redistributing or providing access to a work
+with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the
+work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1
+through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the
+Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or
+1.E.9.
+
+1.E.3.  If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted
+with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution
+must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional
+terms imposed by the copyright holder.  Additional terms will be linked
+to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the
+permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work.
+
+1.E.4.  Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this
+work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm.
+
+1.E.5.  Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this
+electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without
+prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with
+active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project
+Gutenberg-tm License.
+
+1.E.6.  You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary,
+compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any
+word processing or hypertext form.  However, if you provide access to or
+distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than
+"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version
+posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org),
+you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a
+copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon
+request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other
+form.  Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1.
+
+1.E.7.  Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying,
+performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works
+unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.
+
+1.E.8.  You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing
+access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided
+that
+
+- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from
+     the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method
+     you already use to calculate your applicable taxes.  The fee is
+     owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he
+     has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the
+     Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation.  Royalty payments
+     must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you
+     prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax
+     returns.  Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and
+     sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the
+     address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to
+     the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation."
+
+- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies
+     you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he
+     does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+     License.  You must require such a user to return or
+     destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium
+     and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of
+     Project Gutenberg-tm works.
+
+- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any
+     money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the
+     electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days
+     of receipt of the work.
+
+- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free
+     distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works.
+
+1.E.9.  If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set
+forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from
+both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael
+Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark.  Contact the
+Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below.
+
+1.F.
+
+1.F.1.  Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable
+effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread
+public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm
+collection.  Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain
+"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or
+corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual
+property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a
+computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by
+your equipment.
+
+1.F.2.  LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right
+of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project
+Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project
+Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all
+liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal
+fees.  YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT
+LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE
+PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE
+TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE
+LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR
+INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH
+DAMAGE.
+
+1.F.3.  LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a
+defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can
+receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a
+written explanation to the person you received the work from.  If you
+received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with
+your written explanation.  The person or entity that provided you with
+the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a
+refund.  If you received the work electronically, the person or entity
+providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to
+receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund.  If the second copy
+is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further
+opportunities to fix the problem.
+
+1.F.4.  Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth
+in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS' WITH NO OTHER
+WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO
+WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE.
+
+1.F.5.  Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied
+warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages.
+If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the
+law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be
+interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by
+the applicable state law.  The invalidity or unenforceability of any
+provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions.
+
+1.F.6.  INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the
+trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone
+providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance
+with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production,
+promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works,
+harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees,
+that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do
+or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm
+work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any
+Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause.
+
+
+Section  2.  Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of
+electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers
+including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers.  It exists
+because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from
+people in all walks of life.
+
+Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the
+assistance they need, are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's
+goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will
+remain freely available for generations to come.  In 2001, the Project
+Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure
+and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations.
+To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation
+and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4
+and the Foundation web page at http://www.pglaf.org.
+
+
+Section 3.  Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive
+Foundation
+
+The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit
+501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the
+state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal
+Revenue Service.  The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification
+number is 64-6221541.  Its 501(c)(3) letter is posted at
+http://pglaf.org/fundraising.  Contributions to the Project Gutenberg
+Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent
+permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws.
+
+The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S.
+Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered
+throughout numerous locations.  Its business office is located at
+809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887, email
+business@pglaf.org.  Email contact links and up to date contact
+information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official
+page at http://pglaf.org
+
+For additional contact information:
+     Dr. Gregory B. Newby
+     Chief Executive and Director
+     gbnewby@pglaf.org
+
+
+Section 4.  Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg
+Literary Archive Foundation
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide
+spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of
+increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be
+freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest
+array of equipment including outdated equipment.  Many small donations
+($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt
+status with the IRS.
+
+The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating
+charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United
+States.  Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a
+considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up
+with these requirements.  We do not solicit donations in locations
+where we have not received written confirmation of compliance.  To
+SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any
+particular state visit http://pglaf.org
+
+While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we
+have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition
+against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who
+approach us with offers to donate.
+
+International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make
+any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from
+outside the United States.  U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff.
+
+Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation
+methods and addresses.  Donations are accepted in a number of other
+ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations.
+To donate, please visit: http://pglaf.org/donate
+
+
+Section 5.  General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works.
+
+Professor Michael S. Hart is the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm
+concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared
+with anyone.  For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project
+Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support.
+
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed
+editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S.
+unless a copyright notice is included.  Thus, we do not necessarily
+keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition.
+
+
+Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility:
+
+     http://www.gutenberg.org
+
+This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm,
+including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary
+Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to
+subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks.
diff --git a/38672.zip b/38672.zip
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..8a9e545
--- /dev/null
+++ b/38672.zip
diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..6312041
--- /dev/null
+++ b/LICENSE.txt
@@ -0,0 +1,11 @@
+This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements,
+metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be
+in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES.
+
+Procedures for determining public domain status are described in
+the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org.
+
+No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in
+jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize
+this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright
+status under the laws that apply to them.
diff --git a/README.md b/README.md
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..1a9aac6
--- /dev/null
+++ b/README.md
@@ -0,0 +1,2 @@
+Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for
+eBook #38672 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/38672)