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diff --git a/38901.txt b/38901.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..342e253 --- /dev/null +++ b/38901.txt @@ -0,0 +1,3660 @@ +Project Gutenberg's Twelfth Night, by William Shakspeare and J P Kemble + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Twelfth Night + or, What You Will + +Author: William Shakspeare + J P Kemble + +Release Date: February 16, 2012 [EBook #38901] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK TWELFTH NIGHT *** + + + + +Produced by David Starner, Ernest Schaal, and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + + + + + TWELFTH NIGHT; + OR, + WHAT YOU WILL. + + + A COMEDY. + + IN FIVE ACTS; + + BY WILLIAM SHAKSPEARE. + + REVISED BY + J. P. KEMBLE. + + + AS NOW PERFORMED AT THE + THEATRE ROYAL, COVENT-GARDEN. + + + LONDON: + + PRINTED FOR LONGMAN, HURST, REES, ORME, AND + BROWN, PATERNOSTER-ROW. + + + + + EDINBURGH: + + Printed by James Ballantyne and Co. + + + + + DRAMATIS PERSONAE. + + + DUKE ORSINO _Mr Barrymore_. + VALENTINE _Mr Claremont_. + CURIO _Mr Treby_. + SIR TOBY BELCH _Mr Emery_. + SIR ANDREW AGUE-CHEEK _Mr Munden_. + SEBASTIAN _Mr Hamerton_. + ANTONIO _Mr Cresswell_. + ROBERTO _Mr Jefferies_. + FRIAR _Mr Atkins_. + MALVOLIO _Mr Liston_. + CLOWN _Mr Fawcett_. + FABIAN _Mr Farley_. + FIRST OFFICER _Mr King_. + SECOND OFFICER _Mr Lambert_. + + OLIVIA _Mrs C. Kemble_. + VIOLA _Miss S. Booth_. + MARIA _Mrs Gibbs_. + + _Gentlemen.--Musicians.--Sailors.--Servants._ + + SCENE--_A City in Illyria, and the Sea-coast near it._ + + + + + TWELFTH NIGHT; + + OR, + + WHAT YOU WILL. + + + ACT THE FIRST. + + + SCENE I. + + _The Sea-coast._ + + _Enter_ VIOLA, ROBERTO, _and two Sailors, carrying a Trunk_. + + _Vio._ What country, friends, is this? + + _Rob._ This is Illyria, lady. + + _Vio._ And what should I do in Illyria? + My brother he is in Elysium. + Perchance, he is not drown'd:--What think you, sailors? + + _Rob._ It is perchance, that you yourself were saved. + + _Vio._ O my poor brother! and so, perchance may he be. + + _Rob._ True, madam; and, to comfort you with chance, + Assure yourself, after our ship did split, + When you, and that poor number saved with you, + Hung on our driving boat, I saw your brother, + Most provident in peril, bind himself + (Courage and hope both teaching him the practice) + To a strong mast, that lived upon the sea; + Where, like Arion on the dolphin's back, + I saw him hold acquaintance with the waves, + So long as I could see. + + _Vio._ Mine own escape unfoldeth to my hope, + Whereto thy speech serves for authority, + The like of him. Know'st thou this country? + + _Rob._ Ay, madam, well; for I was bred and born, + Not three hours travel from this very place. + + _Vio._ Who governs here? + + _Rob._ A noble duke, in nature, + As in his name. + + _Vio._ What is his name? + + _Rob._ Orsino. + + _Vio._ Orsino!--I have heard my father name him: + He was a bachelor then. + + _Rob._ And so is now, + Or was so very late: for but a month + Ago I went from hence; and then 'twas fresh + In murmur, (as, you know, what great ones do, + The less will prattle of,) that he did seek + The love of fair Olivia. + + _Vio._ What is she? + + _Rob._ A virtuous maid, the daughter of a count + That died some twelvemonth since; then leaving her + In the protection of his son, her brother, + Who shortly also died: for whose dear love, + They say, she hath abjured the company + And sight of men. + + _Vio._ Oh, that I served that lady! + And might not be deliver'd to the world, + Till I had made mine own occasion mellow, + What my estate is! + + _Rob._ That were hard to compass; + Because she will admit no kind of suit, + No, not the duke's. + + _Vio._ There is a fair behaviour in thee, captain; + And, I believe, thou hast a mind that suits + With this thy fair and outward character. + I pray thee, and I'll pay thee bounteously, + Conceal me what I am; and be my aid + For such disguise as, haply, shall become + The form of my intent. I'll serve this duke; + Thou shalt present me as a page unto him, + Of gentle breeding, and my name, Cesario:-- + That trunk, the reliques of my sea-drown'd brother, + Will furnish man's apparel to my need:-- + It may be worth thy pains: for I can sing, + And speak to him in many sorts of music, + That will allow me very worth his service. + What else may hap, to time I will commit; + Only shape thou thy silence to my wit. + + _Rob._ Be you his page, and I your mute will be; + When my tongue blabs, then let mine eyes not see! + + _Vio._ I thank thee:--Lead me on. [_Exeunt._ + + + SCENE II. + +_A Room in_ DUKE ORSINO'S _Palace_. + +_The Duke discovered, seated, and attended by_ CURIO, _and Gentlemen_. + + _Duke._ [_Music._] If music be the food of love, play on, + Give me excess of it; that, surfeiting, + The appetite may sicken, and so die.---- + [_Music._] That strain again;--it had a dying fall: + O, it came o'er my ear like the sweet south, + That breathes upon a bank of violets, + Stealing, and giving odours.-- + [_Music._] Enough; no more; [_He rises._ + 'Tis not so sweet now, as it was before. + + _Cur._ Will you go hunt, my lord? + + _Duke._ What, Curio? + + _Cur._ The hart. + + _Duke._ Why, so I do, the noblest that I have: + O, when mine eyes did see Olivia first, + Methought, she purged the air of pestilence; + That instant was I turn'd into a hart; + And my desires, like fell and cruel hounds, + E'er since pursue me. + + _Enter_ VALENTINE. + + How now? what news from my Olivia?--speak. + + _Val._ So please my lord, I might not be admitted; + But from her handmaid do return this answer; + The element itself, till seven years heat, + Shall not behold her face at ample view; + But, like a cloistress, she will veiled walk, + And water once a day her chamber round + With eye-offending brine: all this, to season + A brother's dead love, which she would keep fresh, + And lasting, in her sad remembrance. + + _Duke._ O, she, that hath a heart of that fine frame, + To pay this debt of love but to a brother, + How will she love, when the rich golden shaft + Hath kill'd the flock of all affections else + That live in her!-- + Away before me to sweet beds of flowers; + Love-thoughts lie rich, when canopied with bowers. + [_Exeunt._ + + + SCENE III. + + _A Room in_ OLIVIA'S _House_. + + _Enter_ MARIA _and_ SIR TOBY BELCH. + + _Sir To._ What a plague means my niece, to take the death of her +brother thus? I am sure, care's an enemy to life. + + _Mar._ By my troth, Sir Toby, you must come in earlier o' nights; +your niece, my lady, takes great exceptions to your ill hours. + + _Sir To._ Why, let her except before excepted. + + _Mar._ Ay, but you must confine yourself within the modest limits of +order. + + _Sir To._ Confine? I'll confine myself no finer than I am: these +clothes are good enough to drink in, and so be these boots too; an they +be not, let them hang themselves in their own straps. + + _Mar._ That quaffing and drinking will undo you; I heard my lady +talk of it yesterday; and of a foolish knight, that you have brought in +here, to be her wooer. + + _Sir To._ Who? Sir Andrew Ague-cheek? + + _Mar._ Ay, he. + + _Sir To._ He's as tall a man as any's in Illyria. + + _Mar._ What's that to the purpose? + + _Sir To._ Why, he has three thousand ducats a-year. + + _Mar._ Ay, but he'll have but a year in all these ducats; he's a +very fool, and a prodigal. + + _Sir To._ Fye, that you'll say so! he plays o' the viol-de-gambo, +and hath all the good gifts of nature. + + _Mar._ He hath, indeed, all, most natural; for, besides that he's a +fool, he's a great quarreller; and, but that he hath the gift of a +coward to allay the gust he hath in quarrelling, 'tis thought among the +prudent, he would quickly have the gift of a grave. + + _Sir To._ By this band, they are scoundrels, and substractors, that +say so of him. Who are they? + + _Mar._ They that add, moreover, he's drunk nightly in your company. + + _Sir To._ With drinking healths to my niece; I'll drink to her, as +long as there is a passage in my throat, and drink in Illyria: He's a +coward, and a coystril, that will not drink to my niece, till his brains +turn o' the toe like a parish-top--See, here comes Sir Andrew Ague-face. + + [SIR ANDREW AGUE-CHEEK, _without_. + + _Sir And._ Sir Toby Belch! how now, Sir Toby Belch? + + _Sir To._ Sweet Sir Andrew! + + _Enter_ SIR ANDREW. + + _Sir And._ Bless you, fair shrew. + + _Mar._ And you too, sir. + + _Sir To._ Accost, Sir Andrew, accost. + + _Sir And._ What's that? + + _Sir To._ My niece's chamber-maid. + + _Sir And._ Good Mistress Accost, I desire better acquaintance. + + _Mar._ My name is Mary, sir. + + _Sir And._ Good Mistress Mary Accost,---- + + _Sir To._ You mistake, knight; accost, is, front her, board her, woo +her, assail her. + + _Sir And._ By my troth, I would not undertake her in this company. +Is that the meaning of accost? + + _Mar._ Fare you well, gentlemen. + + _Sir To._ An thou let part so, Sir Andrew, 'would thou might'st +never draw sword again. + + _Sir And._ An you part so, mistress, I would I might never draw +sword again. Fair lady, do you think you have fools in hand? + + _Mar._ Sir, I have not you by the hand. + + _Sir And._ Marry, but you shall have; and here's my hand. + + _Mar._ [_Takes his hand._] Now, sir, thought is free: I pray you, +bring your hand to the buttery-bar, and let it drink. + + _Sir And._ Wherefore, sweet-heart? what's your metaphor? + + _Mar._ It's dry, sir. + + _Sir And._ Why, I think so; I am not such an ass, but I can keep my +hand dry. But what's your jest? + + _Mar._ A dry jest, sir. + + _Sir And._ Are you full of them? + + _Mar._ Ay, sir; I have them at my fingers' ends: marry, [_Lets go +his hand._] now I let go your hand, I am barren. [_Exit_ MARIA. + + _Sir To._ O knight, thou lack'st a cup of canary: When did I see +thee so put down? + + _Sir And._ Never in your life, I think; unless you see canary put me +down: Methinks, sometimes I have no more wit than a Christian, or an +ordinary man has; but I am a great eater of beef, and, I believe, that +does harm to my wit. + + _Sir To._ No question. + + _Sir And._ An I thought that, I'd forswear it. I'll ride home +to-morrow, Sir Toby. + + _Sir To._ _Pourquoy_, my dear knight? + + _Sir And._ What is _pourquoy_? do, or not do? I would I had bestow'd +that time in the tongues, that I have in fencing, dancing, and +bear-baiting: O, had I but follow'd the arts! + + _Sir To._ Then hadst thou had an excellent head of hair. + + _Sir And._ Why, would that have mended my hair? + + _Sir To._ Past question; for, thou seest, it will not curl by +nature. + + _Sir And._ But it becomes me well enough, does't not? + + _Sir To._ Excellent; it hangs like flax on a distaff; and I hope to +see a housewife take thee between her legs, and spin it off. + + _Sir And._ 'Faith, I'll home to-morrow, Sir Toby: your niece will +not be seen; or, if she be, it's four to one she'll none of me: the duke +himself, here hard by, wooes her. + + _Sir To._ She'll none o' the duke; she'll not match above her +degree, neither in estate, years, nor wit; I have heard her swear it. +Tut, there's life in't, man. + + _Sir And._ I'll stay a month longer. I am a fellow o' the strangest +mind i' the world; I delight in masques and revels sometimes altogether. + + _Sir To._ Art thou good at these kick-shaws, knight? + + _Sir And._ As any man in Illyria, whatsoever he be, under the degree +of my betters; and yet I'll not compare with an old man. + + _Sir To._ What is thy excellence in a galliard, knight? + + _Sir And._ 'Faith, I can cut a caper. + + _Sir To._ And I can cut the mutton to't. + + _Sir And._ And, I think, I have the back-trick, simply as strong as +any man in Illyria. + + _Sir To._ Wherefore are these things hid? wherefore have these gifts +a curtain before them? why dost thou not go to church in a galliard, and +come home in a coranto? My very walk should be a jig. What dost thou +mean? is it a world to hide virtues in?--I did think, by the excellent +constitution of thy leg, it was form'd under the star of a galliard. + + _Sir And._ Ay, 'tis strong, and it does indifferent well in a +flame-colour'd stock. Shall we set about some revels? + + _Sir To._ What shall we do else? were we not born under Taurus? + + _Sir And._ Taurus? that's sides and heart. + + _Sir To._ No, sir; it is legs and thighs. Let me see thee +caper:--Ha! higher:--Ha, ha!--excellent! + + [_Exeunt._ + + + SCENE IV. + + _A Room in_ DUKE ORSINO'S _Palace_. + + _Enter_ VALENTINE, _and_ VIOLA _in Man's Attire_. + + _Val._ If the duke continue these favors towards you, Cesario, you +are like to be much advanced. + + _Vio._ You either fear his humour, or my negligence, that you call +in question the continuance of his love: Is he inconstant, sir, in his +favours? + + _Val._ No, believe me. + + _Vio._ I thank you.--Here comes the duke. + + _Enter_ DUKE, CURIO, _and Gentlemen_. + + _Duke._ Who saw Cesario, ho? + + _Vio._ On your attendance, my lord; here. + + _Duke._ Stand you awhile aloof.--Cesario, + Thou know'st no less but all; I have unclasp'd + To thee the book even of my secret soul: + Therefore, good youth, address thy gait unto her; + Be not denied access, stand at her doors, + And tell them, there thy fixed foot shall grow, + Till thou have audience. + + _Vio._ Sure, my noble lord, + If she be so abandon'd to her sorrow + As it is spoke, she never will admit me. + + _Duke._ Be clamorous, and leap all civil bounds, + Rather than make unprofited return. + + _Vio._ Say, I do speak with her, my lord. What then? + + _Duke._ O, then unfold the passion of my love. + Surprise her with discourse of my dear faith: + It shall become thee well to act my woes; + She will attend it better in thy youth, + Than in a nuncio of more grave aspect. + + _Vio._ I think not so, my lord. + + _Duke._ Dear lad, believe it; + For they shall yet belie thy happy years, + That say, thou art a man: Diana's lip + Is not more smooth and rubious; thy small pipe + Is as the maiden's organ, shrill and sound: + I know, thy constellation is right apt + For this affair:--Go:--prosper well in this, + And thou shalt live as freely as thy lord, + To call his fortunes thine. + + [_Exeunt_ DUKE, CURIO, VALENTINE, _and Gentlemen_. + + _Vio._ I'll do my best, + To woo his lady: yet,--a barful strife!-- + Whoe'er I woo, myself would be his wife. + [_Exit._ + + + SCENE V. + + _A Room in_ OLIVIA'S _House_. + + _Enter_ CLOWN _and_ MARIA. + + _Mar._ Nay, either tell me where thou hast been, or I will not open +my lips, so wide as a bristle may enter, in way of thy excuse: my lady +will hang thee for thy absence. + + _Clo._ Let her hang me: he, that is well hang'd in this world, needs +to fear no colours. + + _Mar._ Make that good. + + _Clo._ He shall see none to fear. + + _Mar._ A good lenten answer: Yet you will be hang'd, for being so +long absent; or, to be turn'd away; is not that as good as a hanging to +you? + + _Clo._ Many a good hanging prevents a bad marriage; and, for turning +away, let summer bear it out. + + _Mar._ Here comes my lady; make your excuse wisely, you were best. + [_Exit_ MARIA. + + _Clo._ Wit, and't be thy will, put me into good fooling! Those wits, +that think they have thee, do very oft prove fools; and I, that am sure +I lack thee, may pass for a wise man: For what says Quinapalus? Better a +witty fool, than a foolish wit. + + _Enter_ OLIVIA, MALVOLIO, _and two Servants_. + +Bless thee, lady! + + _Oli._ Take the fool away. + + _Clo._ Do you not hear, fellows? Take away the lady. + + _Oli._ Go to, you're a dry fool: I'll no more of you; besides, you +grow dishonest. + + _Clo._ Two faults, madonna, that drink and good counsel will amend; +for, give the dry fool drink, then is the fool not dry; bid the +dishonest man mend himself; if he mend, he is no longer dishonest; if he +cannot, let the botcher mend him.--The lady bade take away the fool; +therefore, I say again, take her away. + + _Oli._ Sir, I bade them take away you. + + _Clo._ Misprision in the highest degree!--Lady, _Cucullus non facit +monachum_; that's as much as to say, I wear not motley in my brain. Good +madonna, give me leave to prove you a fool. + + _Oli._ Can you do it? + + _Clo._ Dexterously, good madonna. + + _Oli._ Make your proof. + + _Clo._ I must catechize you for it, madonna: Good my mouse of +virtue, answer me. + + _Oli._ Well, sir, for want of other idleness, I'll 'bide your proof. + + _Clo._ Good madonna, why mourn'st thou? + + _Oli._ Good fool, for my brother's death. + + _Clo._ I think, his soul is in hell, madonna. + + _Oli._ I know, his soul is in heaven, fool. + + _Clo._ The more fool you, madonna, to mourn for your brother's soul +being in heaven.--Take away the fool, gentlemen. + + _Oli._ What think you of this fool, Malvolio? doth he not mend? + + _Mal._ Yes; and shall do, till the pangs of death shake him: +Infirmity, that decays the wise, doth ever make the better fool. + + _Clo._ Heaven send you, sir, a speedy infirmity, for the better +increasing your folly! Sir Toby will be sworn, that I am no fox; but he +will not pass his word for two-pence that you are no fool. + + _Oli._ How say you to that, Malvolio? + + _Mal._ I marvel your ladyship takes delight in such a barren rascal; +I saw him put down the other day with an ordinary fool, that has no more +brain than a stone.--Look you now, he's out of his guard already: unless +you laugh and minister occasion to him, he is gagg'd.--I protest, I take +these wise men, that crow so at these set kind of fools, no better than +the fools' zanies. + + _Oli._ O, you are sick of self-love, Malvolio, and taste with a +distemper'd appetite. To be generous, guiltless, and of free +disposition, is to take those things for bird-bolts, that you deem +cannon-bullets: There is no slander in an allow'd fool, though he do +nothing but rail; nor no railing in a known discreet man, though he do +nothing but reprove. + + _Clo._ Now Mercury endue thee with leasing, for thou speak'st well +of fools! + + _Enter_ MARIA. + + _Mar._ Madam, there is at the gate a young gentleman, much desires +to speak with you. + + _Oli._ From the Duke Orsino, is it? + + _Mar._ I know not, madam. + + _Oli._ Who of my people hold him in delay? + + _Mar._ Sir Toby, madam, your kinsman. + + _Oli._ Fetch him off, I pray you; he speaks nothing but madman: Fye +on him! [_Exit_ MARIA. +Go you, Malvolio:--if it be a suit from the duke, I am sick, or not at +home; what you will, to dismiss it. + [_Exeunt_ MALVOLIO, _and two Servants_. +Now you see, sir, how your fooling grows old, and people dislike it. + + _Clo._ Thou hast spoke for us, madonna, as if thy eldest son should +be a fool. + + _Sir To._ [_Without._] Where is she? where is she? + + _Clo._ Whose skull Jove cram with brains!--for here he comes, one of +thy kin, has a most weak _pia mater_. + + _Enter_ SIR TOBY. + + _Oli._ By mine honour, half drunk.--What is he at the gate, uncle? + + _Sir To._ A gentleman. + + _Oli._ A gentleman? What gentleman? + + _Sir To._ 'Tis a gentleman here,--How now, sot? + + _Clo._ Good Sir Toby,---- + + _Oli._ Uncle, uncle, how have you come so early by this lethargy? + + _Sir To._ Lechery! I defy lechery.--There's one at the gate. + + _Oli._ Ay, marry; what is he? + + _Sir To._ Let him be the devil, an he will, I care not: give me +faith, say I. Well, it's all one.--A plague o' these pickle-herrings. + [_Exit_ SIR TOBY. + + _Oli._ What's a drunken man like, fool? + + _Clo._ Like a drown'd man, a fool, and a madman; one draught above +heat makes him a fool; the second mads him; and a third drowns him. + + _Oli._ Go thou and seek the coroner, and let him sit o' my uncle; +for he's in the third degree of drink, he's drown'd: go, look after +him. + + _Clo._ He is but mad yet, madonna; and the fool shall look to the +madman. [_Exit_ CLOWN. + + _Enter_ MALVOLIO. + + _Mal._ Madam, yond young fellow swears he will speak with you. I +told him you were sick; he takes on him to understand so much, and +therefore comes to speak with you: I told him you were asleep; he seems +to have a fore-knowledge of that too, and therefore comes to speak with +you. What is to be said to him, lady? he's fortified against any denial. + + _Oli._ Tell him, he shall not speak with me. + + _Mal._ He has been told so; and, he says, he'll stand at your door +like a sheriff's post, and be the supporter of a bench, but he'll speak +with you. + + _Oli._ What kind of man is he? + + _Mal._ Why, of man-kind. + + _Oli._ What manner of man? + + _Mal._ Of very ill manner; he'll speak with you, will you, or no. + + _Oli._ Of what personage, and years, is he? + + _Mal._ Not yet old enough for a man, nor young enough for a boy; as +a squash is before 'tis a peascod, or a coddling when 'tis almost an +apple: 'tis with him e'en standing water, between boy and man. He is +very well-favour'd, and he speaks very shrewishly; one would think, his +mother's milk were scarce out of him. + + _Oli._ Let him approach: Call in my gentlewoman. + + _Mal._ Gentlewoman, my lady calls. [_Exit_ MALVOLIO. + + + + + [Illustration] + + + + + _Enter_ MARIA. + + _Oli._ Give me my veil. [_Exit_ MARIA. + What means his message to me? + I have denied his access o'er and o'er: + Then what means this? + + _Enter_ MARIA, _with a Veil_. + + Come, throw it o'er my face; + We'll once more hear Orsino's embassy. + + _Enter_ VIOLA. + + _Vio._ The honourable lady of the house, which is she? + + _Oli._ Speak to me, I shall answer for her:--Your will? + + _Vio._ Most radiant, exquisite, and unmatchable beauty,--I pray you, +tell me, if this be the lady of the house, for I never saw her: I would +be loth to cast away my speech; for, besides that it is excellently well +penn'd, I have taken great pains to con it. + + _Oli._ Whence came you, sir? + + _Vio._ I can say little more than I have studied, and that +question's out of my part.--Good gentle one, give me modest assurance, +if you be the lady of the house. + + _Oli._ If I do not usurp myself, I am. + + _Vio._ Most certain, if you are she, you do usurp yourself; for what +is yours to bestow, is not yours to reserve. + + _Oli._ I heard you were saucy at my gates; and allow'd your +approach, rather to wonder at you than to hear you. If you be not mad, +be gone; if you have reason, be brief: 'tis not that time of moon with +me, to make one in so skipping a dialogue.--What are you? what would +you? + + _Vio._ What I am, and what I would, are to your ears, divinity; to +any other's, profanation. + + _Oli._ Give us the place alone: we will hear this divinity. + [_Exit_ MARIA. +Now, sir, what is your text? + + _Vio._ Most sweet lady,---- + + _Oli._ A comfortable doctrine, and much may be said of it. Where +lies your text? + + _Vio._ In Orsino's bosom. + + _Oli._ In his bosom? In what chapter of his bosom? + + _Vio._ To answer by the method, in the first of his heart. + + _Oli._ O, I have read it; it is heresy. Have you no more to say? + + _Vio._ Good madam, let me see your face. + + _Oli._ Have you any commission from your lord to negociate with my +face? You are now out of your text: but we will draw the curtain, and +show you the picture. Look you, sir, such a one as I, does this +present. [_Unveiling._ + + _Vio._ 'Tis beauty truly blent, whose red and white + Nature's own sweet and cunning hand laid on: + Lady, you are the cruel'st she alive, + If you will lead these graces to the grave, + And leave the world no copy. + + _Oli._ O, sir, I will not be so hard-hearted. + + _Vio._ My lord and master loves you; O, such love + Could be but recompensed, though you were crown'd + The nonpareil of beauty! + + _Oli._ How does he love me? + + _Vio._ With adorations, with fertile tears, + With groans that thunder love, with sighs of fire. + + _Oli._ Your lord does know my mind, I cannot love him: + He might have took his answer long ago. + + _Vio._ If I did love you in my master's flame, + With such a suffering, such a deadly life, + In your denial I would find no sense, + I would not understand it. + + _Oli._ Why, what would you? + + _Vio._ Make me a willow cabin at your gate, + And call upon my soul within the house; + Write loyal cantons of contemned love, + And sing them loud even in the dead of night; + Holla your name to the reverberate hills, + And make the babbling gossip of the air + Cry out, Olivia! O, you should not rest + Between the elements of air and earth, + But you should pity me. + + _Oli._ You might do much:--What is your parentage? + + _Vio._ Above my fortunes, yet my state is well: + I am a gentleman. + + _Oli._ Get you to your lord; + I cannot love him: let him send no more; + Unless, perchance, you come to me again, + To tell me how he takes it. Fare you well: + I thank you for your pains:--Spend this for me. + + _Vio._ I am no fee'd post, lady; keep your purse; + My master, not myself, lacks recompense. + Love make his heart of flint, that you shall love; + And let your fervour, like my master's, be + Placed in contempt! Farewell, fair cruelty. [_Exit_ VIOLA. + + _Oli._ What is your parentage? + _Above my fortunes, yet my state is well: + I am a gentleman._----I'll be sworn thou art; + Thy tongue, thy face, thy limbs, actions, and spirit, + Do give thee five-fold blazon:--Not too fast:--soft! soft! + Unless the master were the man.--How now? + Even so quickly may one catch the plague? + Methinks, I feel this youth's perfections, + With an invisible and subtle stealth, + To creep in at mine eyes. Well, let it be.-- + What ho, Malvolio!-- + + _Enter_ MALVOLIO. + + _Mal._ Here, madam, at your service. + + _Oli._ Run after that same peevish messenger, + Orsino's man: he left this ring behind him, + Would I, or not; tell him, I'll none of it. + Desire him not to flatter with his lord, + Nor hold him up with hopes; I am not for him: + If that the youth will come this way to-morrow, + I'll give him reasons for't. Hie thee, Malvolio. + + _Mal._ Madam, I will. [_Exit_ MALVOLIO. + + _Oli._ I do I know not what; and fear to find + Mine eye too great a flatterer for my mind. + Fate, show thy force: Ourselves we do not owe; + What is decreed, must be; and be this so! + [_Exit._ + + + SCENE VI. + + _A Street before_ OLIVIA'S _House_. + + _Enter_ VIOLA, _and_ MALVOLIO _following_. + + _Mal._ Sir, sir,--young gentleman: Were not you even now with the +Countess Olivia? + + _Vio._ Even now, sir. + + _Mal._ She returns this ring to you, sir; you might have saved me my +pains, to have taken it away yourself. She adds moreover, that you +should put your lord into a desperate assurance she will none of him: +And one thing more; that you be never so hardy to come again in his +affairs, unless it be to report your lord's taking of this. Receive it +so. + + _Vio._ She took the ring of me!--I'll none of it. + + _Mal._ Come, sir, you peevishly threw it to her; and her will is, it +should be so returned.--[_Throws the ring on the ground._] If it be +worth stooping for, there it lies in your eye; if not, be it his +that finds it. [_Exit_ MALVOLIO. + + _Vio._ [_Takes up the ring._] I left no ring with her: What means + this lady? + Fortune forbid, my outside have not charm'd her! + She made good view of me; indeed, so much, + That, sure, methought, her eyes had lost her tongue, + For she did speak in starts distractedly. + She loves me, sure; the cunning of her passion + Invites me in this churlish messenger. + None of my lord's ring!--Why, he sent her none. + I am the man;--If it be so, (as 'tis,) + Poor lady! She were better love a dream. + What will become of this? As I am man, + My state is desperate for my master's love; + As I am woman,--now alas the day!-- + What thriftless sighs shall poor Olivia breathe! + O time, thou must entangle this, not I; + It is too hard a knot for me to untie. [_Exit._ + + + + + ACT THE SECOND. + + + SCENE I. + + _A Sea-port._ + + _Enter_ SEBASTIAN _and_ ANTONIO. + + _Ant._ Will you stay no longer? Nor will you not, that I go with +you? + + _Seb._ By your patience, no: my stars shine darkly over me; the +malignancy of my fate might, perhaps, distemper yours; therefore I shall +crave of you your leave, that I may bear my evils alone: It were a bad +recompense for your love, to lay any of them on you. + + _Ant._ Pardon me, sir, your bad entertainment. + + _Seb._ O, good Antonio, pardon me your trouble. + + _Ant._ Let me yet know of you, whither you are bound. + + _Seb._ No, 'sooth, sir; my determinate voyage is mere +extravagancy.--But I perceive in you so excellent a touch of modesty, +that you will not extort from me what I am willing to keep in; therefore +it charges me in manners the rather to express myself.--You must know of +me then, Antonio, my name is Sebastian, which I called Rodorigo; my +father was that Sebastian of Messaline, whom I know you have heard of: +He left behind him, myself, and a sister, both born in an hour. If the +heavens had been pleased, 'would we had so ended! But you, sir, altered +that; for, some hour before you took me from the breach of the sea, was +my sister drowned. + + _Ant._ Alas, the day! + + _Seb._ A lady, sir, though it was said she much resembled me, was +yet of many accounted beautiful: but, though I could not overfar believe +that, yet thus far I will boldly publish her, she bore a mind that envy +could not but call fair. [_He weeps._] + + _Ant._ If you will not murder me for my love, let me be your +servant. + + _Seb._ If you will not undo what you have done, that is, kill him +whom you have recovered, desire it not. Fare ye well at once: my bosom +is full of kindness; and I am yet so near the manners of my mother, +that, upon the least occasion more, mine eyes will tell tales of me. I +am bound to the Duke Orsino's court, farewell. + + _Ant._ The gentleness of all the gods go with thee! + + _Seb._ Fare ye well. [_Exeunt._ + + + SCENE II. + + _A Dining-room in_ OLIVIA'S _House_. + + SIR TOBY _and_ SIR ANDREW _discovered, drinking and smoking_. + + _Sir To._ Come, Sir Andrew: not to be a-bed after midnight, is to be +up betimes; and _diluculo surgere_, thou know'st,---- + + _Sir And._ Nay, by my troth, I know not: but I know, to be up late, +is to be up late. + + _Sir To._ A false conclusion; I hate it as an unfill'd can: To be up +after midnight, and to go to bed then, is early; so that, to go to +bed after midnight, is to go to bed betimes. Do not our lives +consist of the four elements? + + _Sir And._ 'Faith, so they say; but, I think, it rather consists of +eating and drinking. + + _Sir To._ Thou art a scholar; let us therefore eat and +drink.--Maria, I say!----a stoop of wine! + + [_The_ CLOWN _sings without_. + + [SIR ANDREW _and_ SIR TOBY _rise_. + + _Sir And._ Here comes the fool, i'faith. + + _Enter_ CLOWN. + + _Clo._ How now, my hearts? Did you never see the picture of we +three? + + _Sir To._ Welcome, ass. + + _Sir And._ I had rather than forty shillings I had such a leg; and +so sweet a voice to sing, as the fool has.--In sooth, thou wast in very +gracious fooling last night, when thou spokest of Pigrogromitus, of the +Vapians passing the equinoctial of Queubus; 'twas very good, i'faith. I +sent thee sixpence for thy leman: Hadst it? + + _Clo._ I did impeticos thy gratillity; for Malvolio's nose is no +whipstock: My lady has a white hand, and the Myrmidons are no bottle +ale-houses. + + _Sir And._ Excellent! Why, this is the best fooling, when all is +done. Now, a song. + + _Sir To._ Come on: Shall we rouse the night-owl in a catch, that +will draw three souls out of one weaver? Shall we do that? + + _Sir And._ An you love me, let's do 't: I am dog at a catch. + + _Clo._ By'r lady, sir, and some dogs will catch well. + + _Sir And._ Begin, fool: it begins,--[_Sings._] _Hold thy peace._ + + _Clo._ Hold my peace!--I shall never begin, if I hold my peace. + + _Sir And._ Good, i'faith!--Come, begin:--that, or something +else,--or what you will. + + [_They all three sing._ + + _Christmas comes but once a year, + And therefore we'll be merry._ + + _Enter_ MARIA. + + _Mar._ What a catterwauling do you keep here! If my lady have not +called up her steward, Malvolio, and bid him turn you out of doors, +never trust me. + + _Sir To._ My lady's a Cataian; we are politicians. Malvolio's a +Peg-a-Ramsay:--[_Sings._]--_And three merry men be we._ + + _Sir And._ [_Sings._] _And three merry men be we._ + + _Sir To._ Am I not consanguineous? Am I not of her blood? +Tilly-valley, lady!--[_Sings._]--_There dwelt a man in Babylon, lady, +lady!_ + + _Sir And._ [_Sings_] _Lady_,---- + + _Clo._ Beshrew me, the knight's in admirable fooling. + + _Sir And._ Ay, he does well enough, if he be disposed, and so do I +too; he does it with a better grace, but I do it more natural. +[_Sings_.] _Lady_,-- + + _Sir To._ Let us have another. + + [_They all three sing and dance._ + + _Which is the properest day to drink? + Saturday,--Sunday,--Monday_,-- + + _Mar._ For the love of heaven, peace. + + _Enter_ MALVOLIO, _in a Gown and Cap, with a Light_. + + _Mal._ My masters, are you mad? or what are you? + + _Sir And._ [_Sings._] _Monday_,-- + + _Mal._ Have you no wit, manners, nor honesty, but to gabble like +tinkers at this time of night? + + _Sir To._ [_Sings._] _Saturday_,-- + + _Mal._ Is there no respect of place, persons, nor time, in you? + + _Sir To._ We did keep time, sir, in our catches. Sneck up! + + _Mal._ Sir Toby, I must be round with you. My lady bade me tell you, +that, though she harbours you as her kinsman, she's nothing allied to +your disorders. If you can separate yourself and your misdemeanors, you +are welcome to the house; if not, an it would please you to take leave +of her, she is very willing to bid you farewell. + + _Sir To._ [_Sings._] _Farewell, dear heart, since I must needs be +gone._ + + _Mar._ Nay, good Sir Toby. + + _Clo._ [_Sings._] _His eyes do show his days are almost done._ + + _Mal._ Is't even so? + + _Sir To._ [_Sings._] _But I will never die._ [_Falls on the floor._ + + _Clo._ [_Sings._] _Sir Toby,--O, Sir Toby,--there you lie._ + + _Mal._ This is much credit to you. [CLOWN _raises_ SIR TOBY. + + _Sir To._ [_Sings._] _You lie._--Art any more than a steward? Dost +thou think, because thou art virtuous, there shall be no more cakes +and ale? + + _Clo._ Yes, by Saint Anne; and ginger shall be hot i' the mouth too. + + _Sir To._ Thou'rt i' the right.--Go, sir, rub your chain with +crums:--A stoop of wine, Maria! + + _Mal._ Mistress Mary, if you prized my lady's favour at any thing +more than contempt, you would not give means for this uncivil rule: +She shall know of it, by this hand. + + [_Exit_ MALVOLIO, _followed by the_ CLOWN, _mocking him_. + + _Mar._ Go shake your ears. + + _Sir And._ 'Twere as good a deed as to drink when a man's a hungry, +to challenge him to the field; and then to break promise with him, and +make a fool of him. + + _Sir To._ Do't, knight; I'll write thee a challenge: or I'll deliver +thy indignation to him by word of mouth. + + _Mar._ Sweet Sir Toby, be patient for to-night; since the youth of +the Duke's was to-day with my lady, she is much out of quiet. For +Monsieur Malvolio, let me alone with him: if I do not gull him into a +nayword, and make him a common recreation, do not think I have wit +enough to lie straight in my bed: I know, I can do it. + + _Sir To._ Possess us, possess us; tell us something of him. + + _Mar._ Marry, sir, sometimes he is a kind of Puritan. + + _Sir And._ O, if I thought that, I'd beat him like a dog. + + _Sir To._ What, for being a Puritan? Thy exquisite reason, dear +knight? + + _Sir And._ I have no exquisite reason for't, but I have reason good +enough. + + _Mar._ The devil a Puritan that he is, or any thing constantly but a +time-pleaser; an affectioned ass; so crammed, as he thinks, with +excellencies, that it is his ground of faith, that all, that look on +him, love him; and on that vice in him will my revenge find notable +cause to work. + + _Sir To._ What wilt thou do? + + _Mar._ I will drop in his way some obscure epistles of love; +wherein, by the colour of his beard, the shape of his leg, the manner of +his gait, the expressure of his eye, he shall find himself most +feelingly personated: I can write very like my lady, your niece; on a +forgotten matter we can hardly make distinction of our hands. + + _Sir To._ Excellent! I smell a device. + + _Sir And._ I have't in my nose too. + + _Sir To._ He shall think, by the letters that thou wilt drop, that +they come from my niece, and that she is in love with him? + + _Sir And._ O, 'twill be admirable. + + _Mar._ Sport royal, I warrant you. I will plant you two, and let +Fabian make a third, where he shall find the letter; observe his +construction of it. For this night, to bed, and dream on the event. +Farewell. [_Exit_ MARIA. + + _Sir To._ Good night, Penthesilea. + + _Sir And._ Before me, she's a good wench. + + _Sir To._ She's a beagle, true bred, and one that adores me; What o' +that? + + _Sir And._ I was adored once too. + + _Sir To._ Let's to bed, knight.--Thou hadst need send for more +money. + + _Sir And._ If I cannot recover your niece, I am a foul way out. + + _Sir To._ Send for money, knight; if thou hast her not i' the end, +call me Cut. + + _Sir And._ If I do not, never trust me, take it how you will. + + _Sir To._ Come, come; I'll go burn some sack, 'tis too late to go to +bed now. + + _Sir And._ I'll call you Cut. + + _Sir To._ Come, knight,--come, knight. + + _Sir And._ I'll call you Cut. [_Exeunt._ + + + SCENE III. + + _A Hall in_ DUKE ORSINO'S _Palace_. + + _Enter_ DUKE, _and_ VIOLA. + + _Duke._ Come hither, boy:--If ever thou shalt love, + In the sweet pangs of it, remember me: + For, such as I am, all true lovers are.-- + My life upon't, young though thou art, thine eye + Hath stay'd upon some favour that it loves; + Hath it not, boy? + + _Vio._ A little, by your favour. + + _Duke._ What kind of woman is't? + + _Vio._ Of your complexion. + + _Duke._ She is not worth thee then. What years, i' faith? + + _Vio._ About your years, my lord. + + _Duke._ Too old, by heaven.--Once more, Cesario, + Get thee to yon same sovereign cruelty: + Tell her, my love, more noble than the world, + Prizes not quantity of dirty lands; + The parts that fortune hath bestowed upon her, + Tell her, I hold as giddily as fortune; + But 'tis that miracle, and queen of gems, + That nature pranks her in, attracts my soul. + + _Vio._ But, if she cannot love you, sir? + + _Duke._ I cannot be so answered. + + _Vio._ Sooth, but you must. + Say, that some lady, as, perhaps, there is, + Hath for your love as great a pang of heart + As you have for Olivia: you cannot love her; + You tell her so: Must she not then be answered? + + _Duke._ There is no woman's sides, + Can bide the beating of so strong a passion + As love doth give my heart:--make no compare + Between that love a woman can bear me, + And that I owe Olivia. + + _Vio._ Ay, but I know,-- + + _Duke._ What dost thou know? + + _Vio._ Too well what love women to men may owe: + In faith, they are as true of heart as we. + My father had a daughter loved a man, + As it might be, perhaps, were I a woman, + I should your lordship. + + _Duke._ And what's her history? + + _Vio._ A blank, my lord: She never told her love, + But let concealment, like a worm i' the bud, + Feed on her damask cheek: she pined in thought; + And, with a green and yellow melancholy, + She sat like patience on a monument, + Smiling at grief. Was not this love, indeed? + We men may say more, swear more: but, indeed, + Our shows are more than will, for still we prove + Much in our vows, but little in our love. + + _Duke._ But died thy sister of her love, my boy? + + _Vio._ I am all the daughters of my father's house, + And all the brothers too.-- + Sir, shall I to this lady? + + _Duke._ Ay, that's the theme. + To her in haste; give her this jewel; say, + My love can give no place, bide no denay. [_Exeunt._ + + + + + ACT THE THIRD. + + + SCENE I. + + OLIVIA'S _Garden_. + + _Enter_ SIR TOBY, SIR ANDREW, _and_ FABIAN. + + _Sir To._ Come thy ways, Signior Fabian. + + _Fab._ Nay, I'll come; if I lose a scruple of this sport, let me be +boiled to death with melancholy. + + _Sir To._ Would'st thou not be glad to have the niggardly rascally +sheep-biter come by some notable shame? + + _Fab._ I would exult, man: you know, he brought me out of favour +with my lady, about a bear-baiting here. + + _Sir To._ To anger him, we'll have the bear again; and we will fool +him black and blue:--Shall we not, Sir Andrew? + + _Sir And._ An we do not, it is pity of our lives. + + _Enter_ MARIA, _with a Letter_. + + _Sir To._ Here comes the little villain:--How now, my nettle of +India? + + _Mar._ Get ye all three behind yon clump: Malvolio's coming down +this walk; he has been yonder i' the sun, practising behaviour to his +own shadow, this half hour: observe him, for the love of mockery; for, I +know, this letter will make a contemplative idiot of him.--Close, in the +name of jesting! [_The men hide themselves._]--Lie thou there; [_Throws +down a letter._] for here comes the trout that must be caught with +tickling. [_Exit_ MARIA. + + _Enter_ MALVOLIO. + + _Mal._ 'Tis but fortune; all is fortune. Maria once told me, she did +affect me: and I have heard herself come thus near, that, should she +fancy, it should be one of my complexion. Besides, she uses me with a +more exalted respect, than any one else that follows her. What should I +think on't? + + _Sir To._ Here's an over-weening rogue! + + _Fab._ Contemplation makes a rare turkey-cock of him; how he jets +under his advanced plumes! + + _Sir And._ 'Slight, I could so beat the rogue:-- + + _Mal._ To be Count Malvolio;-- + + _Sir To._ Ah, rogue! + + _Sir And._ Pistol him, pistol him. + + _Sir To._ Peace, peace! + + _Mal._ There is example for't; the lady of the strachy married the +yeoman of the wardrobe. + + _Sir And._ Fie on him, Jezebel! + + _Fab._ Now he's deeply in; look, how imagination blows him. + + _Mal._ Having been three months married to her, sitting in my +state,-- + + _Sir To._ O, for a stone-bow, to hit him in the eye! + + _Mal._ Calling my officers about me, in my branched velvet +gown;--having come from a day-bed, where I left Olivia sleeping;-- + + _Sir To._ Fire and brimstone! + + _Fab._ O peace, peace! + + _Mal._ And then to have the humour of state: and after a demure +travel of regard,--telling them, I know my place, as I would they should +do theirs,--to ask for my kinsman Toby:-- + + _Sir To._ Bolts and shackles! + + _Fab._ O, peace, peace, peace! now, now. + + _Mal._ Seven of my people, with an obedient start, make out for him: +I frown the while; and, perchance, wind up my watch, or play with some +rich jewel. Toby approaches: courtsies there to me:-- + + _Sir To._ Shall this fellow live? + + _Fab._ Though our silence be drawn from us with cars, yet peace. + + _Mal._ I extend my hand to him thus, quenching my familiar smile +with an austere regard of control-- + + _Sir To._ And does not Toby take you a blow o' the lips then? + + _Mal._ Saying, _Cousin Toby, my fortunes having cast me on your +niece, give me this prerogative of speech_:-- + + _Sir To._ What, what? + + _Mal._ _You must amend your drunkenness._ + + _Sir To._ Out, scab! + + _Fab._ Nay, patience, or we break the sinews of our plot. + + _Mal._ _Besides, you waste the treasure of your time with a foolish +knight_;-- + + _Sir And._ That's me, I warrant you. + + _Mal._ _One Sir Andrew_:-- + + _Sir And._ I knew, 'twas I; for many do call me fool. + + _Mal._ What employment have we here? + [_Taking up the letter._ + + _Fab._ Now is the woodcock near the gin. + + _Sir To._ O peace! an the spirit of humours intimate reading aloud +to him,-- + + _Mal._ By my life, this is my lady's hand: these be her very _C's_, +her _U's_, and her _T's_; and thus makes she her great _P's_. It is, in +contempt of question, her hand. + + _Sir And._ Her _C's_, her _U's_, and her _T's_: Why that? + + _Mal._ [_Reads._] _To the unknown beloved, this, and my good +wishes_: her very phrases!--By your leave, wax.--Soft!--and the +impressure her Lucrece, with which she uses to seal: 'tis my lady: To +whom should this be? [_Opens the letter._] + + _Fab._ This wins him, liver and all. + + _Mal._ [_Reads._] _Jove knows, I love: + But who? + Lips do not move, + No man must know. +No man must know._--If this should be thee, Malvolio? + + _Sir To._ Marry, hang thee, brock! + + _Mal._ [_Reads._] _I may command, where I adore: + But silence, like a Lucrece knife, + With bloodless stroke my heart doth gore_; + M,O,A,I, _doth sway my life_. + + _Fab._ A fustian riddle! + + _Sir To._ Excellent wench, say I. + + _Mal._ M,O,A,I, _doth sway my life_.--Nay, but first, let me +see,--let me see,--let me see. + + _Fab._ What a dish of poison has she dressed him! + + _Sir To._ And with what wing the stanniel checks at it! + + _Mal._ _I may command where I adore._ Why, she may command me; I +serve her, she is my lady. Why, this is evident to any formal capacity. +There is no obstruction in this:--And the end,--What should that +alphabetical position portend? If I could make that resemble something +in me.--Softly!--M,O,A,I. + + _Sir To._ O, ay! make up that:--he is now at a cold scent. + + _Mal._ _M_,--Malvolio;--_M_,--why, that begins my name. + + _Fab._ I thought he would work it out: the cur is excellent at +faults. + + _Mal._ _M_,--But then there is no consonancy in the sequel; that +suffers under probation: _A_ should follow, but _O_ does. + + _Fab._ And _O_ shall end, I hope. + + _Sir To._ Ay, or I'll cudgel him, and make him cry, _O_. + + _Mal._ And then _I_ comes behind. + + _Fab._ Ay, an you had any eye behind you, you might see more +detraction at your heels, than fortunes before you. + + _Mal._ _M_,_O_,_A_,_I_;--This simulation is not as the former:--and +yet, to crush this a little, it would bow to me, for every one of these +letters are in my name. Soft; here follows prose.--[_Reads. If this fall +into thy hand, revolve. In my stars I am above thee; but be not afraid +of greatness: Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have +greatness thrust upon them. To enure thyself to what thou art like to +be, cast thy humble slough, and appear fresh. Be opposite with a +kinsman, surly with servants. She thus advises thee, that sighs for +thee. Remember who commended thy yellow stockings; and wished to see +thee ever cross-gartered: I say, remember. Go to; thou art made, if thou +desirest to be so; if not, let me see thee a steward still, the fellow +of servants, and not worthy to touch fortune's fingers. Farewell. She +that would alter services with thee._ _The fortunate-unhappy._ +Day-light and champian discovers not more: this is open. I will be +proud, I will baffle Sir Toby, I will wash off gross acquaintance, I +will be point-de-vice, the very man. I do not now fool myself, to let +imagination jade me; for every reason excites to this, that my lady +loves me. She did commend my yellow stockings of late, she did praise my +leg being cross-gartered:--I thank my stars, I am happy. I will be +strange, stout, in yellow stockings, and cross-gartered, even with the +swiftness of putting on. Jove, and my stars be praised!--Here is yet a +postscript--[_Reads._] _Thou canst not choose but know who I am. If thou +entertainest my love, let it appear in thy smiling; thy smiles become +thee well: therefore in my presence still smile, dear my sweet, I +pr'ythee._ Jove, I thank thee. I will smile; I will do every thing that +thou wilt have me. + [_Exit_ MALVOLIO. + + [_They advance from behind the Trees._] + + _Omnes._ Ha! ha! ha! + + _Fab._ I will not give my part of this sport for a pension of +thousands to be paid from the sophy. + + _Sir To._ I could marry this wench for this device. + + _Sir And._ So could I too. + + _Sir To._ And ask no other dowry with her, but such another jest. + + _Sir And._ Nor I neither. + + _Fab._ Here comes my noble gull-catcher. + + _Enter_ MARIA. + + _Sir To._ Wilt thou set thy foot o' my neck? + + _Sir And._ Or o' mine either? + + _Sir To._ Shall I become thy bond-slave? + + _Sir And._ Or I either? + + _Sir To._ Why, thou hast put him in such a dream, that when the +image of it leaves him, he must run mad. + + _Mar._ Nay, but say true; does it work upon him? + + _Sir To._ Like aqua-vitae with a midwife. + + _Mar._ If you will then see the fruits of the sport, mark his first +approach before my lady: he will come to her in yellow stockings, +and 'tis a colour she abhors; and cross-gartered, a fashion she +detests; and he will smile upon her, which will now be so unsuitable +to her disposition, being addicted to a melancholy as she is, that +it cannot but turn him into a notable contempt: if you will see it, +follow me. [_Exit_ MARIA. + + _Sir To._ To the gates of Tartar, thou most excellent devil of wit. + + _Sir And._ I'll make one too. + + _Fab._ And I. + + _Omnes._ Huzza! huzza! huzza! [_Exeunt._ + + + SCENE II. + + _A public Square._ + + _Enter_ SEBASTIAN _and_ ANTONIO. + + _Seb._ I would not, by my will, have troubled you; + But, since you make your pleasure of your pains, + I will no further chide you. + + _Ant._ I could not stay behind you; my desire, + More sharp than filed steel, did spur me forth; + I fear'd besides what might befall your travel, + Being skilless in these parts; which to a stranger, + Unguided, and unfriended, often prove + Rough and unhospitable: My willing love, + The rather by these arguments of doubt, + Set forth in your pursuit. + + _Seb._ My kind Antonio, + I can no other answer make, but thanks, + And thanks, and ever thanks.--What is to do? + Shall we go see the reliques of this town? + + _Ant._ To-morrow, sir; best, first, go see your lodging. + + _Seb._ I am not weary, and 'tis long to night; + I pray you, let us satisfy our eyes + With the memorials, and the things of fame, + That do renown this city. + + _Ant._ 'Would, you'd pardon me; + I do not without danger walk these streets: + Once, in a sea-fight, 'gainst Orsino's gallies, + I did some service; of such note indeed, + That were I ta'en here, it would scarce be answered. + + _Seb._ Do not then walk too open. + + _Ant._ It doth not fit me.--Hold, sir, here's my purse; + In the south suburbs, at the Elephant, + Is best to lodge: I will bespeak our diet, + Whiles you beguile the time, and feed your knowledge, + With viewing of the town; there shall you have me. + + _Seb._ Why I your purse? + + _Ant._ Haply, your eye shall light upon some toy + You have desire to purchase; and your store, + I think, is not for idle markets, sir. + + _Seb._ I'll be your purse-bearer, and leave you for + an hour. + + _Ant._ To the Elephant. + + _Seb._ I do remember. [_Exeunt._ + + + SCENE III. + + OLIVIA'S _Garden_. + + _Enter_ CLOWN, _playing on a Tabor, and_ VIOLA. + + _Vio._ Save thee, friend, and thy music: Dost thou live by thy +tabor? + + _Clo._ No, sir, I live by the church. + + _Vio._ Art thou a churchman? + + _Clo._ No such matter, sir: I do live by the church; for I do live +at my house, and my house doth stand by the church. + + _Vio._ Art not thou the Lady Olivia's fool? + + _Clo._ No, indeed, sir; the Lady Olivia has no folly: she will keep +no fool, sir, till she be married; and fools are as like husbands, as +pilchards are to herrings, the husband's the bigger; I am, indeed, not +her fool, but her corrupter of words. + + _Vio._ I saw thee late at the Duke Orsino's. + + _Clo._ Foolery, sir, does walk about the orb, like the sun; it +shines every where. I would be sorry, sir, but the fool should be as oft +with your master, as with my mistress: I think, I saw your wisdom there. + + _Vio._ Nay, an thou pass upon me, I'll no more with thee. Hold, +there's expences for thee. + + [_Gives him money._ + + _Clo._ Now, Jove, in his next commodity of hair, send thee a beard! + + _Vio._ By my troth, I'll tell thee; I am almost sick for one.--Is +thy lady within? + + _Clo._ Would not a pair of these have bred, sir? + + _Vio._ Yes, being kept together, and put to use. + + _Clo._ I would play Lord Pandarus of Phrygia, sir, to bring a +Cressida to this Troilus. + + _Vio._ I understand you, sir: [_Gives him more money._] 'tis well +begged. + + _Clo._ My lady is within, sir. I will construe to them whence you +came: who you are, and what you would, are out of my welkin: I might +say, element; but the word is over-worn. [_Exit_ CLOWN. + + _Vio._ This fellow's wise enough to play the fool; + And to do that well, craves a kind of wit: + He must observe their mood on whom he jests, + The quality of persons, and the time; + And, like the haggard, check at every feather + That comes before his eye. This is a practice, + As full of labour as a wise man's art. + + _Enter_ SIR TOBY, _and_ SIR ANDREW. + + _Sir To._ Save you, gentleman. + + _Vio._ And you, sir. + + _Sir To._ My niece is desirous you should enter, if your trade be to +her. + + _Vio._ I am bound to your niece, sir: I mean, she is the list of my +voyage. + + _Sir To._ Taste your legs, sir, put them to motion. + + _Vio._ My legs do better understand me, sir, than I understand what +you mean by bidding me taste my legs. + + _Sir To._ I mean,--to go, sir, to enter. + + _Vio._ I will answer you with gait and entrance: But we are +prevented. + + _Enter_ OLIVIA. + +Most excellent accomplished lady, the heavens rain odours on you! + + _Sir And._ That youth's a rare courtier!--_Rain odours!_--well. + + _Vio._ My matter hath no voice, lady, but to your own most pregnant +and vouchsafed ear. + + _Sir And._ _Odours_, _pregnant_, and _vouchsafed_!--I'll get 'em all +three ready. + + _Oli._ Leave me to my hearing. + + _Sir And._ _Odours--pregnant--vouchsafed._ + + [_Exeunt_ SIR TOBY _and_ SIR ANDREW. + + _Oli._ Give me your hand, sir. + + _Vio._ My duty, madam, and most humble service. + + _Oli._ What is your name? + + _Vio._ Cesario is your servant's name, fair princess. + + _Oli._ My servant, sir! 'Twas never merry world, + Since lowly feigning was called compliment: + You are servant to the Duke Orsino, youth. + + _Vio._ And he is yours, and his must needs be yours; + Your servant's servant is your servant, madam. + + _Oli._ For him, I think not on him: for his thoughts, + 'Would they were blanks, rather than filled with me! + + _Vio._ Madam, I come to whet your gentle thoughts on his behalf:-- + + _Oli._ O, by your leave, I pray you; + I bade you never speak again of him: + But, would you undertake another suit, + I had rather hear you to solicit that, + Than music from the spheres. + + _Vio._ Dear lady,---- + + _Oli._ Give me leave, I beseech you: I did send, + After the last enchantment you did here, + A ring in chase of you; so did I abuse + Myself, my servant, and, I fear me, you: + Under your hard construction must I sit, + To force that on you, in a shameful cunning, + Which you knew none of yours: What might you think? + Have you not set mine honour at the stake, + And baited it with all the unmuzzled thoughts + That tyrannous heart can think? To one of your receiving + Enough is shown; a cyprus, not a bosom, + Hides my poor heart: So let me hear you speak. + + _Vio._ I pity you. + + _Oli._ That's a degree to love. + + _Vio._ No, not a grise; for 'tis a vulgar proof, + That very oft we pity enemies. + + _Oli._ Why, then, methinks, 'tis time to smile again: + O world, how apt the poor are to be proud! + [_Clock strikes._ + The clock upbraids me with the waste of time.-- + Be not afraid, good youth, I will not have you: + And yet, when wit and youth is come to harvest, + Your wife is like to reap a proper man: + There lies your way, due west. + + _Vio._ Then westward-hoe: + Grace, and good disposition 'tend your ladyship! + You'll nothing, madam, to my lord by me? + + _Oli._ Stay: + I pr'ythee, tell me, what thou think'st of me. + + _Vio._ That you do think, you are not what you are. + + _Oli._ If I think so, I think the same of you. + + _Vio._ Then think you right; I am not what I am. + + _Oli._ I would, you were as I would have you be! + + _Vio._ Would it be better, madam, than I am, + I wish it might; for now I am your fool. + + _Oli._ O, what a deal of scorn looks beautiful + In the contempt and anger of his lip! + Cesario, by the roses of the spring, + By maidhood, honour, truth, and every thing, + I love thee so, that, maugre all thy pride, + Nor wit, nor reason, can my passion hide. + + _Vio._ By innocence, I swear, and by my youth. + I have one heart, one bosom, and one truth, + And that no woman has; nor never none + Shall mistress be of it, save I alone. + And so adieu, good madam; never more + Will I my master's tears to you deplore. + + _Oli._ Yet come again: for thou, perhaps, may'st move + That heart, which now abhors, to like his love. + + [_Exeunt._ + + + SCENE IV. + + _A Room in_ OLIVIA'S _House_. + + _Enter_ SIR ANDREW, FABIAN, _and_ SIR TOBY. + + _Sir And._ No, faith, I'll not stay a jot longer. + + _Sir To._ Thy reason, dear venom, give thy reason. + + _Fab._ You must needs yield your reason, Sir Andrew. + + _Sir And._ Marry, I saw your niece do more favours to the Count's +serving man, than ever she bestowed upon me; I saw't this moment in the +garden. + + _Sir To._ Did she see thee the while, old boy? tell me that. + + _Sir And._ As plain as I see you now. + + _Fab._ This was a great argument of love in her toward you. + + _Sir And._ 'Slight! will you make an ass o' me? + + _Fab._ I will prove it legitimate, sir, upon the oaths of judgment +and reason. + + _Sir To._ And they have been grand jury-men, since before Noah was a +sailor. + + _Fab._ She did show favour to the youth in your sight, only to +exasperate you, to awake your dormouse valour, to put fire in your +heart, and brimstone in your liver: you should then have accosted her; +and with some excellent jests, fire-new from the mint, you should have +bang'd the youth into dumbness. This was look'd for at your hand, and +this was baulk'd: the double gilt of this opportunity you let time wash +off, and you are now sailed into the north of my lady's opinion: where +you will hang like an icicle on a Dutchman's beard, unless you do redeem +it by some laudable attempt, either of valour or policy. + + _Sir And._ An it be any way, it must be with valour; for policy I +hate. + + _Sir To._ Why, then, build me thy fortunes upon the basis of valour. +Challenge me the Count's youth to fight with him; hurt him in eleven +places; my niece shall take note of it: and assure thyself, there is no +love-broker in the world can more prevail in man's commendation with +woman, than report of valour. + + _Fab._ There is no way but this, Sir Andrew. + + _Sir And._ Will either of you bear me a challenge to him? + + _Sir To._ Go write it in a martial hand; be curst and brief; it is +no matter how witty, so it be eloquent, and full of invention: taunt him +with the license of ink: if thou _thou'st_ him some thrice, it shall not +be amiss; and as many _lies_ as will lie in thy sheet of paper; although +the sheet were big enough for the bed of Ware in England, set 'em down; +go, about it. Let there be gall enough in thy ink; though thou write +with a goose-pen, no matter: About it. + + _Sir And._ Where shall I find you? + + _Sir To._ We'll call thee at the _cubiculo:_ Go. + + [_Exit_ SIR ANDREW. + + _Fab._ This is a dear manakin to you, Sir Toby. + + _Sir To._ I have been dear to him, lad; some two thousand strong, or +so. + + _Fab._ We shall have a rare letter from him: but you'll not deliver +it? + + _Sir To._ Never trust me then; and by all means stir on the youth to +an answer. I think, oxen and wainropes cannot hale them together. For +Andrew, if he were opened, and you find so much blood in his liver as +will clog the foot of a flea, I'll eat the rest of the anatomy. + + _Fab._ And his opposite, the youth, bears in his visage no great +presage of cruelty. + + _Sir To._ Look, where the youngest wren of nine comes. + + _Enter_ MARIA. + + _Mar._ If you desire the spleen, and will laugh yourselves into +stitches, follow me: yon gull Malvolio is turned heathen, a very +renegado; for there is no Christian, that means to be saved by believing +rightly, can ever believe such impossible passages of grossness. He's in +yellow stockings. + + _Sir To._ And cross-gartered? + + _Mar._ Most villainously; like a pedant that keeps a school i' the +church.--I have dogg'd him, like his murderer: He does obey every point +of the letter that I dropped to betray him. He does smile his face into +more lines, than are in a map: you have not seen such a thing as 'tis. + + _Sir To._ Come, bring us, bring us where he is. + + [_Exeunt._ + + + + + ACT THE FOURTH. + + + SCENE 1. + + _A Room in_ OLIVIA'S _House_. + + _Enter_ OLIVIA _and_ MARIA. + + _Oli._ I have sent after him:--He says, he'll come. + How shall I feast him? what bestow on him? + I speak too loud.---- + Where is Malvolio? + + _Mar._ He's coming, madam; + But in strange manner. He is sure possessed. + + _Oli._ Why, what's the matter? does he rave? + + _Mar._ No, madam, + He does nothing but smile: your ladyship + Were best have guard about you, if he come; + For, sure, the man is tainted in his wits. + + _Oli._ Go call him hither. [_Exit_ MARIA. + I'm as mad as he, + If sad and merry madness equal be.-- + + _Enter_ MALVOLIO, _in yellow Stockings, cross-garter'd, and_ MARIA. + + How now, Malvolio? + + _Mal._ Sweet lady, ho, ho. [_Smiles fantastically._ + + _Oli._ Smilest thou? + I sent for thee upon a sad occasion. + + _Mal._ Sad, lady? I could be sad: This does make some obstruction in +the blood, this cross-gartering: But what of that? if it please the eye +of one, it is with me as the very true sonnet is: _Please one, and +please all_. + + _Oli._ Why, how dost thou, man? What is the matter with thee? + + _Mal._ Not black in my mind, though yellow in my legs.--It did come +to his hands, and commands shall be executed. I think, we do know the +sweet Roman hand. + + _Oli._ Wilt thou go to bed, Malvolio? + + _Mal._ To bed!--Ay, sweet-heart; and I'll come to thee. + + _Oli._ Heaven comfort thee! Why dost thou smile so, and kiss thy +hand so oft? + + _Mar._ How do you, Malvolio? + + _Mal._ At your request? Yes; Nightingales answer daws. + + _Mar._ Why appear you with this ridiculous boldness before my lady? + + _Mal._ _Be not afraid of greatness_:--'Twas well writ. + + _Oli._ What mean'st thou by that, Malvolio? + + _Mal._ _Some are born great_,-- + + _Oli._ Ha? + + _Mal._ _Some achieve greatness_,-- + + _Oli._ What say'st thou? + + _Mal._ _ And some have greatness thrust upon them._ + + _Oli._ Heaven restore thee! + + _Mal._ _Remember who commended thy yellow stockings_;-- + + _Oli._ Thy yellow stockings? + + _Mal_ _And wished to see thee cross-garter'd._ + + _Oli._ Cross-garter'd? + + _Mal._ _Go to: thou art made, if thou desirest to be so_;-- + + _Oli._ Am I made? + + _Mal._ _If not, let me see thee a servant still._ + + _Oli._ Why, this is very Midsummer madness. + + _Enter_ FABIAN. + + _Fab._ Madam, the young gentleman of the Duke Orsino's is returned; +I could hardly entreat him back: he attends your ladyship's pleasure. + + _Oli._ I'll come to him. Good Maria, let this fellow be look'd +to.--Call my uncle Toby. [_Exit_ FABIAN. +Let some of my people have a special care of him; I would not have him +miscarry for the half of my dowry. [_Exeunt_ OLIVIA _and_ MARIA. + + _Mal._ Oh, ho! do you come near me now? No worse man than Sir Toby +to look to me? She sends him on purpose, that I may appear stubborn to +him; for she incites me to that in the letter. I have limed her.--And, +when she went away now, _Let this fellow be looked to_:--Fellow! not +Malvolio, nor after my degree, but fellow. Why, every thing adheres +together.--Well, Jove, not I, is the doer of this, and he is to be +thanked. + + _Sir To._ [_Without_] Which way is he, in the name of sanctity? If +all the devils in hell be drawn in little, and Legion himself possessed +him, yet I'll speak to him. + + _Enter_ FABIAN, SIR TOBY, _and_ MARIA. + + _Fab._ Here he is, here he is:--How is't with you, sir? how is't +with you, man? + + _Mal._ Go off, I discard you; let me enjoy my private; go off. + + _Mar._ Lo, how hollow the fiend speaks within him! did not I tell +you?--Sir Toby, my lady prays you to have a care of him. + + _Mal._ Ah, ha! does she so? + + _Sir To._ Go to, go to; we must deal gently with him. How do you, +Malvolio? how is't with you? What, man! defy the devil: consider, he's +an enemy to mankind. + + _Mal._ Do you know what you say? + + _Mar._ La you, an you speak ill of the devil, how he takes it at +heart! Pray, heaven, he be not bewitch'd. + + _Fab._ Carry his water to the wise woman. + + _Sir To._ Pr'ythee, hold thy peace; do you not see, you move him? +let me alone with him. + + _Fab._ No way but gentleness; gently, gently: the fiend is rough, +and will not be roughly used. + + _Sir To._ Why, how now, my bawcock? how dost thou, chuck? + + _Mal._ Sir? + + _Sir To._ Ay, Biddy, come with me.--What, man! 'tis not for gravity +to play at cherry-pit with Satan: Hang him, foul collier! + + _Mar._ Get him to say his prayers, Sir Toby. + + _Mal._ My prayers, minx? + + _Mar._ No, I warrant you, he'll not hear of godliness. + + _Mal._ Go, hang yourselves all! you are idle shallow things: I am +not of your element; you shall know more hereafter. Begone. Ha! ha! +ha! [_Exit_ MALVOLIO. + + _Omnes._ Ha! ha! ha! + + _Sir To._ Is't possible? + + _Fab._ If this were played upon a stage now, I could condemn it as +an improbable fiction. + + _Sir To._ His very genius hath taken the infection of the device, +man. + + _Mar._ Nay, pursue him now; lest the device take air, and taint. + + _Fab._ Why, we shall make him mad, indeed. + + _Mar._ The house will be the quieter. + + _Sir To._ Come, we'll have him in a dark room, and bound.--Follow +him, and let him not from thy sight. [_Exit_ MARIA. +But see, but see. + + _Fab._ More matter for a May morning. + + _Enter_ SIR ANDREW, _with a Letter_. + + _Sir And._ Here's the challenge, read it; I warrant, there's vinegar +and pepper in't. + + _Fab._ Is't so saucy? + + _Sir And._ Ay, is it, I warrant him: do but read. + + _Sir To._ Give me.--[_Reads._] _Youth, whatsoever thou art, thou art +but a scurvy fellow._ + + _Fab._ Good and valiant. + + _Sir To._ _Wonder not, nor admire not in thy mind, why I do call +thee so, for I will show thee no reason for't._ + + _Fab._ A good note; that keeps you from the blow of the law. + + _Sir To._ _Thou comest to the Lady Olivia, and in my sight she uses +thee kindly: but thou liest in thy throat, that is not the matter I +challenge thee for._ + + _Fab._ Very brief, and exceeding good sense-less. + + _Sir To._ _I will way-lay thee going home; where if it be thy chance +to kill me_,-- + + _Fab._ Good. + + _Sir To._ _Thou killest me like a rogue and a villain._ + + _Fab._ Still you keep o' the windy side of the law: Good. + + _Sir To._ _Fare thee well; and heaven have mercy upon one of our +souls! He may have mercy upon mine; but my hope is better, and so look +to thyself. Thy friend, as thou usest him, and thy sworn enemy_, ANDREW +AGUECHEEK.--If this letter move him not, his legs cannot: I'll give't +him. + + _Fab._ You may have very fit occasion for't; he is now in some +commerce with my lady, and will by and by depart. + + _Sir To._ Go, Sir Andrew; scout me for him at the corner of the +garden, like a bum-bailiff; so soon as ever thou seest him, draw; and, +as thou draw'st, swear horrible; for it comes to pass oft, that a +terrible oath, with a swaggering accent sharply twang'd off, gives +manhood more approbation than ever proof itself would have earned him. +Away. + + _Sir And._ Nay, let me alone for swearing. [_Exit_ SIR ANDREW. + + _Sir To._ Now will not I deliver his letter: for the behaviour of +the young gentleman gives him out to be of good capacity and breeding; +therefore this letter, being so excellently ignorant, will breed no +terror in the youth, he will find it comes from a clodpole. But, sir, I +will deliver his challenge by word of mouth; set upon Ague-cheek a +notable report of valour; and drive the gentleman, (as, I know, his +youth will aptly receive it,) into a most hideous opinion of his rage, +skill, fury, and impetuosity. This will so fright them both, that they +will kill one another by the look, like cockatrices. + + _Fab._ Here he comes with your niece: give them way, till he take +leave, and presently after him. + + _Sir To._ I will meditate the while upon some horrid message for a +challenge. [_Exeunt_ SIR TOBY _and_ FABIAN. + + _Enter_ VIOLA _and_ OLIVIA. + + _Oli._ I have said too much unto a heart of stone, + And laid mine honour too unchary out: + There's something in me, that reproves my fault; + But such a headstrong potent fault it is, + That it but mocks reproof. + + _Vio._ With the same 'haviour that your passion bears, + Go on my master's griefs. + + _Oli._ Here, wear this jewel for me, 'tis my picture; + Refuse it not, it hath no tongue to vex you: + And, I beseech you, come again to-morrow. + What shall you ask of me, that I'll deny; + That honour, saved, may upon asking give? + + _Vio._ Nothing but this, your true love for my master. + + _Oli._ How with mine honour may I give him that + Which I have given to you? + + _Vio._ I will acquit you. + + _Oli._ Well, come again to-morrow: Fare thee well! + + [_Exit_ OLIVIA. + + _Enter_ SIR TOBY _and_ FABIAN. + + _Sir To._ Gentleman, heaven save thee. + + _Vio._ And you, sir. + + _Sir To._ That defence thou hast, betake thee to't: of what nature +the wrongs are thou hast done him, I know not; but thy intercepter, full +of despight, bloody as the hunter, attends thee: dismount thy tuck, be +yare in thy preparation, for thy assailant is quick, skilful, and +deadly. + + _Vio._ You mistake, sir; I am sure, no man hath any quarrel to me; +my remembrance is very free and clear from any image of offence done to +any man. + + _Sir To._ You'll find it otherwise, I assure you: therefore, if you +hold your life at any price, betake you to your guard; for your opposite +hath in him what youth, strength, skill, and wrath, can furnish man +withal. + + _Vio._ I pray you, sir, what is he? + + _Sir To._ He is knight, dubb'd with unhack'd rapier, and on carpet +consideration: but he is a devil in private brawl: souls and bodies hath +he divorced three; and his incensement at this moment is so implacable, +that satisfaction can be none but by pangs of death and sepulchre: hob, +nob, is his word; give 't or take 't. + + _Vio._ I will return, and desire some conduct of the lady. I am no +fighter. + + _Sir To._ Back you shall not, unless you undertake that with me, +which with as much safety you might answer him: therefore, on; or strip +your sword stark naked, (for meddle you must, that's certain,) or +forswear to wear iron about you. + + _Vio._ This is as uncivil, as strange. I beseech you, do me this +courteous office, as to know of the knight what my offence to him is; it +is something of my negligence, nothing of my purpose. + + _Sir To._ I will do so. Signior Fabian, stay you by this gentleman +till my return. [_Exit_ SIR TOBY. + + _Vio._ 'Pray you, sir, do you know of this matter? + + _Fab._ I know, the knight is incensed against you, even to a mortal +arbitrement; but nothing of the circumstance more. + + _Vio._ I beseech you, what manner of man is he? + + _Fab._ Nothing of that wonderful promise, to read him by his form, +as you are like to find him in the proof of his valour. He is, indeed, +sir, the most skilful, bloody, and fatal opposite that you could +possibly have found in any part of Illyria: Will you walk towards him? I +will make your peace with him, if I can. + + _Vio._ I shall be much bound to you for't: I am one, that would +rather go with sir priest, than sir knight: I care not who knows so much +of my mettle. + + [_Exeunt._ + + + SCENE II. + + OLIVIA'S _Garden_. + + _Enter_ SIR TOBY, _with_ SIR ANDREW, _in a great fright_. + + _Sir To._ Why, man, he's a very devil;-- + + _Sir And._ Oh! + + _Sir To._ I have not seen such a virago. I had a pass with +him,--rapier, scabbard, and all,--and he gives me the stuck-in,---- + + _Sir And._ Oh! + + _Sir To._ With such a mortal motion, that it is inevitable: they +say, he has been fencer to the Sophy. + + _Sir And._ Plague on't, I'll not meddle with him. + + _Sir To._ Ay, but he will not now be pacified: Fabian can scarce +hold him yonder. + + _Sir And._ Plague on't; an I thought he had been valiant, and so +cunning in fence, I'd have seen him damn'd ere I had challenged him. Let +him let the matter slip, and I'll give him my horse, grey Capilet. + + _Sir To._ I'll make the motion: Stand here, make a good show +on't.--[_Aside._] Marry, I'll ride your horse as well as I ride you. + + _Enter_ FABIAN _and_ VIOLA. + +I have his horse [_To_ FABIAN.] to take up the quarrel; I have persuaded +him, the youth's a devil. + + _Fab._ [_To_ SIR TOBY.] He is as horribly conceited of him; and +pants, as if a bear were at his heels. + + _Sir To._ [_To_ VIOLA.] There's no remedy, sir; he will fight with +you for his oath sake: marry, he hath better bethought him of his +quarrel, and he finds that now scarce to be worth talking of: therefore +draw, for the supportance of his vow; he protests, he will not hurt you. + + _Vio._ [_Draws her Sword._] Pray heaven defend me!--[_Aside._] A +little thing would make me tell them how much I lack of a man. + + _Fab._ [_To_ VIOLA.] Give ground, if you see him furious. + + _Sir To._ Come, Sir Andrew, there's no remedy; the gentleman will, +for his honour's sake, have one bout with you: he cannot by the duello +avoid it: but he has promised me, as he is a gentleman and a soldier, he +will not hurt you. Come on; to 't. + + _Sir And._ [_Draws._] Pray heaven, he keep his oath! + + _Vio._ I do assure you, 'tis against my will. + + [_They fight._--SIR TOBY _and_ FABIAN _urge on_ SIR ANDREW _and_ VIOLA. + + _Enter_ ANTONIO, _who runs between_ SIR ANDREW _and_ VIOLA. + + _Ant._ Put up your sword;--If this young gentleman + Have done offence, I take the fault on me; + If you offend him, I for him defy you. + + _Sir To._ You, sir? Why, what are you? + + _Ant._ [_Draws._] One, sir, that for his love dares yet do more + Than you have heard him brag to you he will. + + _Sir To._ [_Draws._] Nay, if you be an undertaker, I +am for you. + + [SIR TOBY _and_ ANTONIO _fight_.] + + [SIR ANDREW _hides himself behind the Trees_.--VIOLA _retires a + little_.] + + _Fab._ [_Parts them._] O good Sir Toby, hold; here come the +officers. + + _Sir To._ [_To_ ANTONIO.] I'll be with you anon. [ANTONIO _shows +great alarm_--SIR TOBY _sheathes his sword_.]--Sir knight,--Sir +Andrew,-- + + _Sir And._ Here I am. + + _Sir To._ What, man!--Come on. [_Brings_ SIR ANDREW _forward_.] + + _Vio._ [_Advances._] 'Pray, sir, [_To_ SIR ANDREW.] put up your +sword, if you please. + + _Sir And._ Marry, will I, sir;--and, for that I promised you, I'll +be as good as my word: He will bear you easily, and reins well. + + _Enter two Officers of Justice._ + + _1 Off._ This is the man; do thy office. + + _2 Off._ Antonio, I arrest thee at the suit + Of Duke Orsino. + + _Ant._ You do mistake me, sir. + + _1 Off._ No, sir, no jot; I know your favour well.-- + Take him away; he knows, I know him well. + + _Ant._ I must obey.--This comes with seeking you; + But there's no remedy. + Now my necessity + Makes me to ask you for my purse: It grieves me + Much more, for what I cannot do for you, + Than what befalls myself. You stand amazed; + But be of comfort. + + _1 Off._ Come, sir, away. + + _Ant._ I must entreat of you some of that money. + + _Vio._ What money, sir? + For the fair kindness you have showed me here, + And, part, being prompted by your present trouble, + Out of my lean and low ability + I'll lend you something: my having is not much; + I'll make division of my present with you; + Hold, there is half my coffer. + + _Ant._ Will you deny me now? + Is't possible, that my deserts to you + Can lack persuasion? Do not tempt my misery; + Lest that it make me so unsound a man, + As to upbraid you with those kindnesses + That I have done for you. + + _Vio._ I know of none; + Nor know I you by voice, or any feature. + + _Ant._ O heavens themselves! + + _1 Off._ Come, sir, I pray you, go. + + _Ant._ Let me speak a little. This youth that you see here, + I snatch'd one half out of the jaws of death; + And to his image, which, methought, did promise + Most venerable worth, did I devotion. + But, O, how vile an idol proves this god!-- + Thou hast, Sebastian, done good feature shame.-- + In nature there's no blemish, but the mind; + None can be call'd deform'd, but the unkind: + Virtue is beauty; but the beauteous-evil + Are empty trunks, o'erflourish'd by the devil. + + [_Exeunt_ ANTONIO _and Officers_. + + _Sir To._ Come hither, knight; come hither, Fabian. + + [_They retire together._ + + _Vio._ He named Sebastian; I my brother know + Yet living in my glass; even such, and so, + In favour was my brother; and he went + Still in this fashion, colour, ornament; + For him I imitate: O, if it prove, + Tempests are kind, and salt waves fresh in love! + + [_Exit_ VIOLA. + + [_They advance._] + + _Sir To._ A very dishonest paltry boy, and more a coward than a +hare; his dishonesty appears, in leaving his friend here in necessity, +and denying him; and for his cowardship, ask Fabian. + + _Fab._ A coward, a most devout coward, religious in it. + + _Sir And._ 'Slid, I'll after him again, and beat him. + + _Sir To._ Do, cuff him soundly;--but never draw thy sword. + + _Sir And._ An I do not!-- [_Exeunt._ + + + SCENE III. + + _The Street before_ OLIVIA'S _House_. + + _Enter_ SEBASTIAN _and_ CLOWN. + + _Clo._ Will you make me believe, that I am not sent for you? + + _Seb._ Go to, go to, thou art a foolish fellow; Let me be clear of +thee. + + _Clo._ Well held out, i' faith! No, I do not know you; nor I am not +sent to you by my lady, to bid you come speak with her; nor your name is +not Cesario; nor this is not my nose neither:--Nothing, that is so, is +so. + + _Seb._ I pr'ythee, vent thy folly somewhere else;--Thou know'st not +me. + + _Clo._ Vent my folly! He has heard that word of some great man, and +now applies it to a fool.--I pr'ythee, tell me what I shall vent to my +lady; Shall I vent to her, that thou art coming? + + _Seb._ I pr'ythee, foolish Greek, depart from me; There's money for +thee; if you tarry longer, I shall give worse payment. + + _Clo._ By my troth, thou hast an open hand:--These wise men, that +give fools money, get themselves a good report after fourteen years' +purchase. + + _Enter_ SIR ANDREW. + + _Sir And._ Now, sir, have I met you again? There's for you. + [_Striking_ SEBASTIAN. + + _Seb._ [_Draws his sword._] Why, there's for thee, and there, and +there:--Are all the people mad? + + [_Beating_ SIR ANDREW. + + _Enter_ SIR TOBY _and_ FABIAN. + + _Sir To._ Hold, sir, or I'll throw your dagger o'er the house. + + _Clo._ This will I tell my lady straight--I would not be in some of +your coats for two-pence. + + [_Exit_ CLOWN. + + _Sir To._ Come on, sir; hold. [_Holding_ SEBASTIAN. + + _Sir And._ Nay, let him alone. I'll go another way to work with him; +I'll have an action of battery against him, if there be any law in +Illyria: though I struck him first, yet it's no matter for that. + + _Seb._ Let go thy hand. + + _Sir To._ Come, sir, I will not let you go. Come, my young soldier, +put up your iron: you are well flesh'd; come on. + + _Seb._ [_Disengages himself._] I will be free from thee. + --What would'st thou now? + If thou darest tempt me further, draw thy sword. + + _Sir To._ What, what?--[_Draws._]--Nay, then I must have an ounce or +two of this malapert blood from you. [_They fight._ + + _Enter_ OLIVIA, _and two Servants_. + + _Fab._ Hold, good Sir Toby, hold:--my lady here! + + [_Exit_ FABIAN. + + _Oli._ Hold, Toby; on thy life, I charge thee, hold. + + _Sir To._ Madam? + + _Oli._ Will it be ever thus? Ungracious wretch, + Fit for the mountains, and the barbarous caves, + Where manners ne'er were preach'd! out of my sight! + Be not offended, dear Cesario:---- + Rudesby, be gone!-- + + _Sir To._ Come along, knight. [_Exit_ SIR TOBY. + + _Oli._ And you, sir, follow him. + + _Sir And._ Oh, oh!--Sir Toby,-- + + [_Exit_ SIR ANDREW. + + _Oli._ I pr'ythee, gentle friend, + Let thy fair wisdom, not thy passion, sway + In this uncivil and unjust extent + Against thy peace. Go with me to my house; + And hear thou there how many fruitless pranks + This ruffian hath botch'd up, that thou thereby + May'st smile at this: thou shalt not choose but go; + Do not deny. + + _Seb._ What relish is in this? how runs the stream? + Or I am mad, or else this is a dream:-- + Let fancy still my sense in Lethe steep; + If it be thus to dream, still let me sleep! + + _Oli._ Nay, come, I pr'ythee: 'Would thou'dst be ruled by me! + + _Seb._ Madam, I will. + + _Oli._ O, say so, and so be! [_Exeunt._ + + + SCENE IV. + + _A Gallery in_ OLIVIA'S _House_. + + _Enter_ MARIA, _with a black Gown and Hood, and_ CLOWN. + + _Mar._ Nay, I pr'ythee, put on this gown and hood; make him believe, +thou art Sir Topas the curate; do it quickly: I'll call Sir Toby the +whilst. + + [_Exit_ MARIA. + + _Clo._ Well, I'll put it on, and I will dissemble myself in't; and I +would I were the first that ever dissembled in such a gown. + + _Enter_ SIR TOBY _and_ MARIA. + + _Sir To._ Jove bless thee, master parson. + + _Clo._ _Bonos dies_, Sir Toby: for as the old hermit of Prague, that +never saw pen and ink, very wittily said to a niece of King Gorboduc, +_That, that is, is_; so I, being master parson, am master parson: For +what is that, but that? and is, but is? + + _Sir To._ To him, Sir Topas. + + _Clo._ [_Opens the door of an inner Room_] What, hoa, I say,--Peace +in this prison! + + _Sir To._ The knave counterfeits well; a good knave. + + _Mal._ [_In the inner Room._] Who calls there? + + _Clo._ Sir Topas, the curate, who comes to visit Malvolio the +lunatic. + + _Mal._ Sir Topas, Sir Topas, good Sir Topas, go to my lady. + + _Clo._ Out, hyperbolical fiend! how vexest thou this man? talkest +thou nothing but of ladies? + + _Sir To._ Well said, master parson. + + _Mal._ Sir Topas, never was man thus wrong'd; good Sir Topas, do not +think I am mad; they have bound me, hand and foot, and laid me here in +hideous darkness. + + _Clo._ Say'st thou, that house is dark? + + _Mal._ As hell, Sir Topas. + + _Clo._ Madman, thou errest: I say, there is no darkness, but +ignorance; in which thou art more puzzled, than the Egyptians in their +fog. + + _Mal._ I say this house is as dark as ignorance, though ignorance +were as dark as hell; and I say, there was never man thus abused: I am +no more mad than you are; make the trial of it in any constant question. + + _Clo._ What is the opinion of Pythagoras concerning wild-fowl? + + _Mal._ That the soul of our grandam might haply inhabit a bird. + + _Clo._ What thinkest thou of his opinion? + + _Mal._ I think nobly of the soul, and no way approve his opinion. + + _Clo._ Fare thee well: Remain thou still in darkness: thou shalt +hold the opinion of Pythagoras, ere I will allow of thy wits; and fear +to kill a woodcock, lest thou dispossess the soul of thy grandam. Fare +thee well. + + _Mal._ Sir Topas, Sir Topas,-- + + _Sir To._ My most exquisite Sir Topas,-- + + _Clo._ Nay, I am for all waters. [_Takes off the gown and hood, and +gives them to_ MARIA.] + + _Mar._ Thou might'st have done this without thy hood and gown; he +sees thee not. + + _Sir To._ To him in thine own voice, and bring us word how thou +find'st him: Come by and by to my chamber. + [_Exeunt_ SIR TOBY _and_ MARIA. + + _Clo._ [_Sings._] _Hey Robin, jolly Robin, + Tell me how thy lady does._ + + _Mal._ Fool,--fool,--good fool,-- + + _Clo._ Who calls, ha? + + _Mal._ As ever thou wilt deserve well at my hand, help me to a +candle, and pen, ink, and paper; as I am a gentleman, I will live to be +thankful to thee for't. + + _Clo._ Master Malvolio! + + _Mal_. Ay, good fool. + + _Clo._ Alas, sir, how fell you besides your five wits? + + _Mal._ Fool, there was never man so notoriously abused: I am as well +in my wits, fool, as thou art. + + _Clo._ But as well! then you are mad, indeed, if you be no better in +your wits than a fool. + + _Mal._ Good fool, some ink, paper, and light, and convey what I will +set down to my lady; it shall advantage thee more than ever the bearing +of letter did. + + _Clo._ I will help you to't. But tell me true, are you not mad, +indeed? or do you but counterfeit? + + _Mal._ Believe me, I am not: I tell thee true. + + _Clo._ Nay, I'll ne'er believe a madman, till I see his brains. I +will fetch you light, and paper, and ink. + + _Mal._ Fool, I'll requite it in the highest degree. I pr'ythee, be +gone. + + _Clo._ [_Shuts the door of the inner Room, and sings._] + _I am gone, sir, + And anon, sir, + I'll be with you again, &c._ [_Exit._ + + + SCENE V. + + OLIVIA'S _Garden_. + + _Enter_ SEBASTIAN. + + _Seb._ This is the air; that is the glorious sun; + This pearl she gave me, I do feel't, and see't: + And though 'tis wonder that enwraps me thus, + Yet 'tis not madness. Where's Antonio then? + I could not find him at the Elephant; + His counsel now might do me golden service: + For though my soul disputes well with my sense, + That this may be some error, but no madness, + Yet doth this accident and flood of fortune + So far exceed all instance, all discourse, + That I am ready to distrust mine eyes, + And wrangle with my reason, that persuades me + To any other trust, but that I am mad, + Or else the lady's mad.--But here she comes. + + _Enter_ OLIVIA, _and a_ FRIAR. + + _Oli._ Blame not this haste of mine:--If you mean well, + Now go with me, and with this holy man, + Into the chantry by: there, before him, + And underneath that consecrated roof, + Plight me the full assurance of your faith; + That my most jealous and too doubtful soul + May live at peace: He shall conceal it, + Whiles you are willing it shall come to note; + What time we will our celebration keep + According to my birth.--What do you say? + + _Seb._ I'll follow this good man, and go with you; + And, having sworn truth, ever will be true. + + _Oli._ Then lead the way, good father: [_Exit_ FRIAR. + And heavens so shine, + That they may fairly note this act of mine! [_Exeunt._ + + + + + ACT THE FIFTH. + + + SCENE I. + + _The Street before_ OLIVIA'S _House_. + + _Enter_ CLOWN _and_ FABIAN. + + _Fab._ Now, as thou lovest me, let me see his letter. + + _Clo._ Good Master Fabian, grant me another request. + + _Fab._ Any thing. + + _Clo._ Do not desire to see this letter. + + _Fab._ That is, to give a dog, and, in recompense, desire my dog +again.--The Duke Orsino. + + [_Exit_ FABIAN. + + _Enter_ DUKE, VIOLA, _and two Gentlemen_. + + _Duke._ Belong you to the lady Olivia, friend?--I know thee well: +How dost thou, my good fellow? + + _Clo._ Truly, sir, the better for my foes, and the worse for my +friends. + + _Duke._ Just the contrary; the better for thy friends. + + _Clo._ No, sir, the worse. + + _Duke._ How can that be? + + _Clo._ Marry, sir, they praise me, and make an ass of me; now my +foes tell me plainly, I am an ass; so that by my foes, sir, I profit in +the knowledge of myself; and by my friends I am abused: so that, if your +four negatives make your two affirmatives, why, then the worse for my +friends, and the better for my foes. + + _Duke._ Why, this is excellent. + + _Clo._ By my troth, sir, no; though it please you to be one of my +friends. + + _Duke._ Thou shalt not be the worse for me; there's gold. + + _Clo._ But that it would be double-dealing, sir, I would you could +make it another. + + _Duke._ O, you give me ill counsel. + + _Clo._ Put your grace in your pocket, sir, for this once, and let +your flesh and blood obey it. + + _Duke._ Well, I will be so much a sinner to be a double dealer; +there's another. + + _Clo._ _Primo_, _Secundo_,--_Tertio_, is a good play; and the old +saying is, the third pays for all. + + _Duke._ You can fool no more money out of me at this throw: if you +will let your lady know, I am here to speak with her, and bring her +along with you, it may awake my bounty further. + + _Clo._ Marry, sir, lullaby to your bounty, till I come again: As you +say, sir, let your bounty take a nap, I will awake it anon. + [_Exit_ CLOWN. + + _Vio._ Here comes the man, sir, that did rescue me. + + _Duke._ That face of his I do remember well; + Yet, when I saw it last, it was besmear'd + As black as Vulcan, in the smoke of war: + A bawbling vessel was he captain of, + For shallow draught, and bulk, unprizable: + With which such scathful grapple did he make + With the most noble bottom of our fleet, + That very envy, and the tongue of loss, + Cried fame and honour on him.-- + + _Enter_ ANTONIO _and Officers_. + + What's the matter? + + _1 Off._ This, please you, sir, is that Antonio, + That took the Phoenix, and her fraught, from Candy; + And this is he, that did the Tiger board, + When your young nephew Titus lost his leg: + Here in the streets, desperate of shame, and state, + In private brabble did we apprehend him. + + _Vio._ He did me kindness, sir; drew on my side; + But, in conclusion, put strange speech upon me, + I know not what 'twas, but distraction. + + _Duke._ Notable pirate! thou salt-water thief! + What foolish boldness brought thee to their mercies, + Whom thou, in terms so bloody, and so dear, + Hast made thine enemies? + + _Ant._ Orsino, noble sir, + Be pleased that I shake off these names you give me; + Antonio never yet was thief, or pirate, + Though, I confess, on base and ground enough, + Orsino's enemy. A witchcraft drew me hither: + That most ingrateful boy there, by your side, + From the rude sea's enraged and foamy mouth + Did I redeem; a wreck past hope he was: + His life I gave him, and for his sake too, + Did I expose myself + Into the danger of this adverse town: + Drew to defend him, when he was beset; + Where being apprehended, his false cunning, + (Not meaning to partake with me in danger,) + Taught him to face me out of his acquaintance, + And grew a twenty-years removed thing, + While one would wink; denied me mine own purse, + Which I had recommended to his use + Not half an hour before. + + _Vio._ How can this be? + + _Duke._ When came he to this town? + + _Ant._ To-day, my lord; and for three months before, + (No interim, not a minute's vacancy,) + Both day and night did we keep company. + + _Duke._ Here comes the countess; now heaven walks on earth.---- + But for thee; fellow, fellow, thy words are madness: + But more of that anon.----Take him aside. + + [ANTONIO _and Officers retire a little_. + + _Enter_ OLIVIA _and two Servants_. + + _Oli._ What would my lord, but that he may not have, + Wherein Olivia may seem serviceable?-- + Cesario, you do not keep promise with me. + + _Vio._ Madam? + + _Duke._ Gracious Olivia,---- + + _Oli._ What do you say, Cesario? + + _Vio._ My lord would speak; my duty hushes me. + + _Oli._ If it be aught to the old tune, my lord, + It is as harsh and fulsome to mine ear, + As howling after music. + + _Duke._ Still so cruel? + + _Oli._ Still so constant, lord. + + _Duke._ What! to perverseness? you uncivil lady, + To whose ingrate and unauspicious altars + My soul the faithfull'st offerings hath breathed out, + That e'er devotion tender'd! What shall I do? + + _Oli._ Even what it please my lord, that shall become him. + + _Duke._ Why should I not, had I the heart to do it, + Like to the Egyptian thief, at point of death, + Kill what I love? + But hear me this: + Live you, the marble-breasted tyrant, still; + But this your minion, whom, I see, you love, + And whom, by heaven I swear, I tender dearly, + Him will I tear out of that cruel eye, + Where he sits crowned in his master's spite.-- + Come, boy, with me; my thoughts are ripe in mischief. + I'll sacrifice the lamb that I do love, + To spite a raven's heart within a dove. + + [_Exeunt_ DUKE _and Gentlemen_. + + _Vio._ And I, most jocund, apt, and willingly, + To do you rest, a thousand deaths would die. [_Going._ + + _Oli._ Where goes Cesario? + + _Vio._ After him I love, + More than I love these eyes, more than my life; + If I do feign, you witnesses above, + Punish my life, for tainting of my love! + + _Oli._ Ah me, forsaken! how am I beguiled! + + _Vio._ Who does beguile you? who does do you wrong? + + _Oli._ Hast thou forgot thyself? Is it so long?-- + Call forth the holy father. [_Exeunt two Servants._ + + _Enter_ DUKE. + + _Duke._ [_To_ VIOLA.] Come away. + + _Oli._ Whither, my lord?--Cesario, husband, stay. + + _Duke._ Husband? + + _Oli._ Ay, husband: Can he that deny? + + _Duke._ Her husband, sirrah? + + _Vio._ No, my lord, not I. + + _Oli._ Fear not, Cesario, take thy fortunes up; + Be that thou know'st thou art, and then thou art + As great as that thou fear'st. + + _Enter_ FRIAR _and two Servants_. + + O, welcome, father!-- + Father, I charge thee, by thy reverence, + Here to unfold (though lately we intended + To keep in darkness, what occasion now + Reveals before 'tis ripe,) what thou dost know, + Hath newly past between this youth and me. + + _Friar._ A contract of eternal bond of love, + Confirm'd by mutual joinder of your hands, + Strengthen'd by interchangement of your rings; + And all the ceremony + Seal'd in my function, by my testimony: + Since when, toward my grave + I have travell'd but two hours. + + _Duke._ O, thou dissembling cub! what wilt thou be, + When time hath sow'd a grizzle on thy case? + Farewell, and take her; but direct thy feet, + Where thou and I henceforth may never meet. + + _Vio._ My lord, I do protest,-- + + _Oli._ O, do not swear; + Hold little faith, though thou hast too much fear. + + [OLIVIA _sends away the Friar_. + + _Enter_ SIR ANDREW, _crying, with his Head broke_. + + _Sir And._ O, O,--For the love of heaven, a surgeon; send one +presently to Sir Toby. + + _Oli._ What's the matter? + + _Sir And._ He has broke my head across, and has given Sir Toby a +bloody coxcomb too: for the love of heaven, your help: I had rather than +forty pound I were at home. + + _Oli._ Who has done this, Sir Andrew? + + _Sir And._ The count's gentleman, one Cesario: We took him for a +coward, but he's the very devil incardinate. + + _Duke._ My gentleman, Cesario? + + _Sir And._ Od's lifelings, here he is:--You broke my head for +nothing; and that that I did, I was set on to do't by Sir Toby. + + _Vio._ Why do you speak to me? I never hurt you: You drew your sword +upon me, without cause; But I bespake you fair, and hurt you not. + + _Sir And._ If a bloody coxcomb be a hurt, you have hurt me: I think, +you set nothing by a bloody coxcomb. + + _Sir To._ [_Without._] Holla, Sir Andrew,--where are you? + + _Sir And._ Here comes Sir Toby halting, you shall hear more: but if +he had not been in drink, he would have tickled your Toby for you. + + _Enter_ SIR TOBY, _drunk, with his Forehead bleeding_. + + _Duke._ How now, gentleman? how is't with you? + + _Sir To._ That's all one; he has hurt me, and there's the end +on't.--Sot, did'st see Dick surgeon, sot? + + _Sir And._ O, he's drunk, Sir Toby, an hour agone. + + _Sir To._ Then he's a rogue, a drunken rogue,--and I hate a drunken +rogue. [_Enter_ SEBASTIAN _behind_. + + _Oli._ Away with him: Who hath made this havock with them? + + _Sir And._ I'll help you, Sir Toby, because we'll be dress'd +together. + + _Sir To._ Will you help an ass head, and a coxcomb, and a knave? a +thin-faced knave, a gull! + + _Oli._ Get him to bed, and let his hurt be look'd to. + + [_Exeunt_ SIR ANDREW, SIR TOBY, _and Servants_. + + _Seb._ [_Advances_] I am sorry, madam, I have hurt your kinsman; + But, had it been the brother of my blood, + I must have done no less, with wit, and safety. + + [ANTONIO, _seeing_ SEBASTIAN, _comes forward_. + + You throw a strange regard upon me, and + By that I do perceive it hath offended you; + Pardon me, sweet one, even for the vows + We made each other but so late ago. + + _Duke._ One face, one voice, one habit, and two persons; + A natural perspective, that is, and is not. + + _Seb._ Antonio, O my dear Antonio! + How have the hours rack'd and tortured me. + Since I have lost thee. + + _Ant._ Sebastian are you? + + _Seb._ Fear'st thou that, Antonio? + + _Ant._ How have you made division of yourself?-- + An apple, cleft in two, is not more twin + Than these two creatures. Which is Sebastian? + + _Seb._ [_Sees_ VIOLA.] Do I stand there? I never had a brother: + I had a sister, + Whom the blind waves and surges have devour'd:-- + Of charity, [_To_ VIOLA.] what kin are you to me? + What countryman? what name? what parentage? + + _Vio._ Of Messaline: Sebastian was my father; + Such a Sebastian was my brother too, + So went he suited to his watery tomb: + If spirits can assume both form and suit, + You come to fright us. + + _Seb._ Were you a woman, as the rest goes even, + I should my tears let fall upon your cheek, + And say--Thrice welcome, drowned Viola! + + _Vio._ If nothing lets to make us happy both, + But this my masculine usurp'd attire, + Away with doubt:--each other circumstance + Of place, time, fortune, doth cohere, and jump, + That I am Viola,--your sister Viola. [_They embrace._ + + _Seb._ [_To_ OLIVIA.] So comes it, lady, you have been mistook. + + _Duke._ If this be so, as yet the glass seems true, + I shall have share in this most happy wreck:-- + Boy, [_To_ VIOLA.] thou hast said to me a thousand times, + Thou never should'st love woman like to me. + + _Vio._ And all those sayings will I over-swear; + And all those swearings keep as true in soul, + As doth that orbed continent the fire + That severs day from night. + + _Duke._ Give me thy hand; + And let me see thee in thy woman's weeds. + + _Vio._ The captain, that did bring me first on shore, + Hath my maid's garments: he, upon some action, + Is now in durance; at Malvolio's suit, + A gentleman, and follower of my lady's. + + _Oli._ He shall enlarge him:--Fetch Malvolio hither:-- + And yet, alas, now I remember me, + They say, poor gentleman, he's much distract. + + _Enter_ CLOWN, _with a Letter, and_ FABIAN. + + How does Malvolio, sirrah? + + _Clo._ Truly, madam, he holds Belzebub at the stave's end, as well +as a man in his case may do: he has here writ a letter to you: I +should have given it you to-day morning; but as a madman's epistles +are no gospels, so it skills not much, when they are deliver'd. + + _Oli._ Open it, and read it. + + _Clo._ Look then to be well edified, when the fool delivers the +madman: [_Reads._] _By the Lord, madam_,-- + + _Oli._ How now! art thou mad? + + _Clo._ No, madam, I do but read madness. + + _Oli._ [_To_ FABIAN.] Read it you, sirrah. + + _Fab._ [READS.] _By the Lord, madam, you wrong me, and the world +shall know it: though you have put me into darkness, and given your +drunken cousin rule over me, yet have I the benefit of my senses as +well as your ladyship. I have your own letter that induced me to the +semblance I put on; with the which I doubt not but to do myself much +right, or you much shame. Think of me as you please. I leave my duty +a little unthought of, and speak out of my injury._ + _The madly-used_ MALVOLIO. + + _Oli._ Did he write this? + + _Clo._ Ay, madam. + + _Duke._ This savours not much of distraction. + + _Oli._ See him deliver'd, Fabian; bring him hither. + + [_Exit_ FABIAN. + + My lord, so please you, these things further thought on, + To think me as well a sister as a wife, + One day shall crown the alliance on't, so please you, + Here at my house. + + _Duke._ Madam, I am most apt to embrace your offer.-- + Your master quits you; [_To_ VIOLA.] and, for your service done him, + Here is my hand; you shall from this time be + Your master's mistress. + + _Enter_ MALVOLIO, _with a Letter, and_ FABIAN. + + _Duke._ Is this the madman? + + _Oli._ Ay, my lord, this same: + How now, Malvolio? + + _Mal._ Madam, you have done me wrong, + Notorious wrong. + + _Oli._ Have I, Malvolio? no. + + _Mal._ Lady, you have. Pray you peruse that + letter: [_Gives_ OLIVIA _the Letter_. + You must not now deny it is your hand;-- + (Write from it, if you can, in hand, or phrase;)-- + Or, say, 'tis not your seal, nor your invention. + + _Oli._ Alas, Malvolio, this is not my writing; + Though, I confess, much like the character: + But, out of question, 'tis Maria's hand:-- + And now I do bethink me, it was she + First told me, thou wast mad:-- + Pr'ythee, be content: + This practice hath most shrewdly pass'd upon thee: + But, when we know the grounds and authors of it, + Thou shalt be both the plaintiff and the judge + Of thine own cause. + + _Fab._ Good madam, hear me speak: + I do confess, Sir Toby, and myself, + Set this device against Malvolio here, + Upon some stubborn and uncourteous parts + We had conceived against him: Maria writ + The letter, at Sir Toby's great importance; + In recompense whereof, he hath married her: + How with a sportful malice it was follow'd, + May rather pluck on laughter than revenge; + If that the injuries be justly weigh'd, + That have on both sides pass'd. + + _Oli._ Alas, poor fool! how have they baffled thee! + + _Fab._ Malvolio!-- + + _Clo._ Why,--_Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some +have greatness thrust upon them_--I was one, sir, in this interlude; +one Sir Topas, sir:--_By the Lord fool, I am not mad_:--But do you +remember? _Madam, why laugh you at such a barren rascal? an you +smile not, he's gagg'd_:--And thus the whirligig of time brings in +his revenges.--Ha, ha, ha! + + _Fab._ Ha, ha, ha!-- + + _Mal._ I'll be revenged on the whole pack of you. + + [_Exit_ MALVOLIO. + + _Oli._ He hath been most notoriously abused. + Pursue him, and entreat him to a peace. + + [_Exit_ FABIAN. + + _Duke._ He hath not told us of the captain yet; + When that is known, and golden time convents, + A solemn combination shall be made + Of our dear souls:--Meantime, sweet sister, + We will not part from hence--Go, officers; + We do discharge you of your prisoner. [_Exeunt Officers._ + Antonio, thou hast well deserved our thanks: + Thy kind protection of Cesario's person, + (Although thou knew'st not then for whom thou fought'st,) + Merits our favour: Henceforth, be forgotten + All cause of anger: Thou hast a noble spirit, + And as Sebastian's friend be ever near him.-- + Cesario, come; + For so you shall be, while you are a man; + But, when in other habits you are seen, + Orsino's mistress, and his fancy's queen. + + _The Clown sings._ + + _When that I was and a little tiny boy, + With hey, ho, the wind and the rain, + A foolish thing was but a toy; + For the rain it raineth every day._ + + _But when I came to man's estate, + With hey, ho, the wind and the rain, + 'Gainst knave and thief men shut their gate; + For the rain it raineth every day._ + + _But when I came, alas! to wive, + With hey, ho, the wind and the rain, + By swaggering could I never thrive; + For the rain it raineth every day._ + + _But when I came unto my bed, + With hey, ho, the wind, and the rain, + With toss pots still had drunken head; + For the rain it raineth every day._ + + _A great while ago the world begun, + With hey, ho, the wind and the rain, + But that's all one, our play is done, + And we'll strive to please you every day._ + [Exeunt. + + + THE END. + + + + + Transcriber Notes: + +Passages in italics were indicated by _underscores_. + +Small caps were replaced with ALL CAPS. + +Throughout the document, the oe ligature was replaced with "oe". + +The character tags were italizied, even when before italizied text. + +Throughout the dialogues, there were words used to mimic accents of +the speakers. Those words were retained as-is. + +Errors and inconsistencies in punctuations and spelling were not +corrected unless otherwise noted. + +On page 21, a comma after Vio was replaced with a period. + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's Twelfth Night, by William Shakspeare and J P Kemble + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK TWELFTH NIGHT *** + +***** This file should be named 38901.txt or 38901.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/3/8/9/0/38901/ + +Produced by David Starner, Ernest Schaal, and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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