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diff --git a/877-h/877-h.htm b/877-h/877-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..57f50ee --- /dev/null +++ b/877-h/877-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,958 @@ +<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?> + +<!DOCTYPE html + PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd" > + +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" lang="en"> + <head> + <title> + Little Britain, by Washington Irving + </title> + <style type="text/css" xml:space="preserve"> + + body { margin:5%; background:#faebd0; text-align:justify} + P { text-indent: 1em; margin-top: .25em; margin-bottom: .25em; } + H1,H2,H3,H4,H5,H6 { text-align: center; margin-left: 15%; margin-right: 15%; } + hr { width: 50%; text-align: center;} + .foot { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; text-indent: -3em; font-size: 90%; } + blockquote {font-size: 97%; font-style: italic; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;} + .mynote {background-color: #DDE; color: #000; padding: .5em; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 95%;} + .toc { margin-left: 10%; margin-bottom: .75em;} + .toc2 { margin-left: 20%;} + div.fig { display:block; margin:0 auto; text-align:center; } + div.middle { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; } + .figleft {float: left; margin-left: 0%; margin-right: 1%;} + .figright {float: right; margin-right: 0%; margin-left: 1%;} + .pagenum {display:inline; font-size: 70%; font-style:normal; + margin: 0; padding: 0; position: absolute; right: 1%; + text-align: right;} + pre { font-style: italic; font-size: 90%; margin-left: 10%;} + +</style> + </head> + <body> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Little Britain, by Washington Irving + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Little Britain + +Author: Washington Irving + +Release Date: July 9, 2009 [EBook #877] +Last Updated: September 14, 2016 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: UTF-8 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK LITTLE BRITAIN *** + + + + +Produced by Anthony J. Adam and David Widger + + + + + +</pre> + + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <h1> + LITTLE BRITAIN + </h1> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <h2> + By Washington Irving + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + What I write is most true... I have a whole booke of cases + lying by me which if I should sette foorth, some grave + auntients (within the hearing of Bow bell) would be out of + charity with me.—NASHE. + </pre> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + In the centre of the great city of London lies a small neighborhood, + consisting of a cluster of narrow streets and courts, of very venerable + and debilitated houses, which goes by the name of LITTLE BRITAIN. Christ + Church School and St. Bartholomew’s Hospital bound it on the west; + Smithfield and Long Lane on the north; Aldersgate Street, like an arm of + the sea, divides it from the eastern part of the city; whilst the yawning + gulf of Bull-and-Mouth Street separates it from Butcher Lane, and the + regions of Newgate. Over this little territory, thus bounded and + designated, the great dome of St. Paul’s, swelling above the intervening + houses of Paternoster Row, Amen Corner, and Ave Maria Lane, looks down + with an air of motherly protection. + </p> + <p> + This quarter derives its appellation from having been, in ancient times, + the residence of the Dukes of Brittany. As London increased, however, rank + and fashion rolled off to the west, and trade, creeping on at their heels, + took possession of their deserted abodes. For some time Little Britain + became the great mart of learning, and was peopled by the busy and + prolific race of booksellers; these also gradually deserted it, and, + emigrating beyond the great strait of Newgate Street, settled down in + Paternoster Row and St. Paul’s Churchyard, where they continue to increase + and multiply even at the present day. + </p> + <p> + But though thus falling into decline, Little Britain still bears traces of + its former splendor. There are several houses ready to tumble down, the + fronts of which are magnificently enriched with old oaken carvings of + hideous faces, unknown birds, beasts, and fishes; and fruits and flowers + which it would perplex a naturalist to classify. There are also, in + Aldersgate Street, certain remains of what were once spacious and lordly + family mansions, but which have in latter days been subdivided into + several tenements. Here may often be found the family of a petty + tradesman, with its trumpery furniture, burrowing among the relics of + antiquated finery, in great, rambling, time-stained apartments, with + fretted ceilings, gilded cornices, and enormous marble fireplaces. The + lanes and courts also contain many smaller houses, not on so grand a + scale, but, like your small ancient gentry, sturdily maintaining their + claims to equal antiquity. These have their gable ends to the street; + great bow-windows, with diamond panes set in lead, grotesque carvings, and + low arched door-ways. + </p> + <p> + In this most venerable and sheltered little nest have I passed several + quiet years of existence, comfortably lodged in the second floor of one of + the smallest but oldest edifices. My sitting-room is an old wainscoted + chamber, with small panels, and set off with a miscellaneous array of + furniture. I have a particular respect for three or four high-backed + claw-footed chairs, covered with tarnished brocade, which bear the marks + of having seen better days, and have doubtless figured in some of the old + palaces of Little Britain. They seem to me to keep together, and to look + down with sovereign contempt upon their leathern-bottomed neighbors: as I + have seen decayed gentry carry a high head among the plebeian society with + which they were reduced to associate. The whole front of my sitting-room + is taken up with a bow-window, on the panes of which are recorded the + names of previous occupants for many generations, mingled with scraps of + very indifferent gentlemanlike poetry, written in characters which I can + scarcely decipher, and which extol the charms of many a beauty of Little + Britain who has long, long since bloomed, faded, and passed away. As I am + an idle personage, with no apparent occupation, and pay my bill regularly + every week, I am looked upon as the only independent gentleman of the + neighborhood; and, being curious to learn the internal state of a + community so apparently shut up within itself, I have managed to work my + way into all the concerns and secrets of the place. + </p> + <p> + Little Britain may truly be called the heart’s core of the city; the + stronghold of true John Bullism. It is a fragment of London as it was in + its better days, with its antiquated folks and fashions. Here flourish in + great preservation many of the holiday games and customs of yore. The + inhabitants most religiously eat pancakes on Shrove Tuesday, + hot-cross-buns on Good Friday, and roast goose at Michaelmas; they send + love-letters on Valentine’s Day, burn the pope on the fifth of November, + and kiss all the girls under the mistletoe at Christmas. Roast beef and + plum pudding are also held in superstitious veneration, and port and + sherry maintain their grounds as the only true English wines; all others + being considered vile, outlandish beverages. + </p> + <p> + Little Britain has its long catalogue of city wonders, which its + inhabitants consider the wonders of the world: such as the great bell of + St. Paul’s, which sours all the beer when it tolls; the figures that + strike the hours at St. Dunstan’s clock; the Monument; the lions in the + Tower; and the wooden giants in Guildhall. They still believe in dreams + and fortune-telling, and an old woman that lives in Bull-and-Mouth Street + makes a tolerable subsistence by detecting stolen goods, and promising the + girls good husbands. They are apt to be rendered uncomfortable by comets + and eclipses; and if a dog howls dolefully at night, it is looked upon as + a sure sign of a death in the place. There are even many ghost stories + current, particularly concerning the old mansion-houses; in several of + which it is said strange sights are sometimes seen. Lords and ladies, the + former in full bottomed wigs, hanging sleeves, and swords, the latter in + lappets, stays, hoops and brocade, have been seen walking up and down the + great waste chambers, on moonlight nights; and are supposed to be the + shades of the ancient proprietors in their court-dresses. + </p> + <p> + Little Britain has likewise its sages and great men. One of the most + important of the former is a tall, dry old gentleman, of the name of + Skryme, who keeps a small apothecary’s shop. He has a cadaverous + countenance, full of cavities and projections; with a brown circle round + each eye, like a pair of horned spectacles. He is much thought of by the + old women, who consider him a kind of conjurer, because he has two of + three stuffed alligators hanging up in his shop, and several snakes in + bottles. He is a great reader of almanacs and newspapers, and is much + given to pore over alarming accounts of plots, conspiracies, fires, + earthquakes, and volcanic eruptions; which last phenomena he considers as + signs of the times. He has always some dismal tale of the kind to deal out + to his customers, with their doses; and thus at the same time puts both + soul and body into an uproar. He is a great believer in omens and + predictions; and has the prophecies of Robert Nixon and Mother Shipton by + heart. No man can make so much out of an eclipse, or even an unusually + dark day; and he shook the tail of the last comet over the heads of his + customers and disciples until they were nearly frightened out of their + wits. He has lately got hold of a popular legend or prophecy, on which he + has been unusually eloquent. There has been a saying current among the + ancient sibyls, who treasure up these things, that when the grasshopper on + the top of the Exchange shook hands with the dragon on the top of Bow + Church Steeple, fearful events would take place. This strange conjunction, + it seems, has as strangely come to pass. The same architect has been + engaged lately on the repairs of the cupola of the Exchange, and the + steeple of Bow church; and, fearful to relate, the dragon and the + grasshopper actually lie, cheek by jole, in the yard of his workshop. + </p> + <p> + “Others,” as Mr. Skryme is accustomed to say, “may go star-gazing, and + look for conjunctions in the heavens, but here is a conjunction on the + earth, near at home, and under our own eyes, which surpasses all the signs + and calculations of astrologers.” Since these portentous weathercocks have + thus laid their heads together, wonderful events had already occurred. The + good old king, notwithstanding that he had lived eighty-two years, had all + at once given up the ghost; another king had mounted the throne; a royal + duke had died suddenly,—another, in France, had been murdered; there + had been radical meetings in all parts of the kingdom; the bloody scenes + at Manchester; the great plot of Cato Street; and above all, the queen had + returned to England! All these sinister events are recounted by Mr. + Skryme, with a mysterious look, and a dismal shake of the head; and being + taken with his drugs, and associated in the minds of his auditors with + stuffed sea-monsters, bottled serpents, and his own visage, which is a + title-page of tribulation, they have spread great gloom through the minds + of the people of Little Britain. They shake their heads whenever they go + by Bow Church, and observe, that they never expected any good to come of + taking down that steeple, which in old times told nothing but glad + tidings, as the history of Whittington and his Cat bears witness. + </p> + <p> + The rival oracle of Little Britain is a substantial cheesemonger, who + lives in a fragment of one of the old family mansions, and is as + magnificently lodged as a round-bellied mite in the midst of one of his + own Cheshires. Indeed, he is a man of no little standing and importance; + and his renown extends through Huggin Lane, and Lad Lane, and even unto + Aldermanbury. His opinion is very much taken in affairs of state, having + read the Sunday papers for the last half century, together with the + “Gentleman’s Magazine,” Rapin’s “History of England,” and the “Naval + Chronicle.” His head is stored with invaluable maxims which have borne the + test of time and use for centuries. It is his firm opinion that “it is a + moral impossible,” so long as England is true to herself, that anything + can shake her; and he has much to say on the subject of the national debt, + which, somehow or other, he proves to be a great national bulwark and + blessing. He passed the greater part of his life in the purlieus of Little + Britain, until of late years, when, having become rich, and grown into the + dignity of a Sunday cane, he begins to take his pleasure and see the + world. He has therefore made several excursions to Hampstead, Highgate, + and other neighboring towns, where he has passed whole afternoons in + looking back upon the metropolis through a telescope, and endeavoring to + descry the steeple of St. Bartholomew’s. Not a stage-coachman of + Bull-and-Mouth Street but touches his hat as he passes; and he is + considered quite a patron at the coach-office of the Goose and Gridiron, + St. Paul’s churchyard. His family have been very urgent for him to make an + expedition to Margate, but he has great doubts of those new gimcracks, the + steamboats, and indeed thinks himself too advanced in life to undertake + sea-voyages. + </p> + <p> + Little Britain has occasionally its factions and divisions, and party + spirit ran very high at one time in consequence of two rival “Burial + Societies” being set up in the place. One held its meeting at the Swan and + Horse Shoe, and was patronized by the cheesemonger; the other at the Cock + and Crown, under the auspices of the apothecary; it is needless to say + that the latter was the most flourishing. I have passed an evening or two + at each, and have acquired much valuable information, as to the best mode + of being buried, the comparative merits of churchyards, together with + divers hints on the subject of patent-iron coffins. I have heard the + question discussed in all its bearings as to the legality of prohibiting + the latter on account of their durability. The feuds occasioned by these + societies have happily died of late; but they were for a long time + prevailing themes of controversy, the people of Little Britain being + extremely solicitous of funereal honors and of lying comfortably in their + graves. + </p> + <p> + Besides these two funeral societies there is a third of quite a different + cast, which tends to throw the sunshine of good-humor over the whole + neighborhood. It meets once a week at a little old-fashioned house, kept + by a jolly publican of the name of Wagstaff, and bearing for insignia a + resplendent half-moon, with a most seductive bunch of grapes. The old + edifice is covered with inscriptions to catch the eye of the thirsty + wayfarer, such as “Truman, Hanbury, and Co.‘s Entire,” “Wine, Rum, and + Brandy Vaults,” “Old Tom, Rum and Compounds, etc.” This indeed has been a + temple of Bacchus and Momus from time immemorial. It ha always been in the + family of the Wagstaffs, so that its history is tolerably preserved by the + present landlord. It was much frequented by the gallants and cavalieros of + the reign of Elizabeth, and was looked into now and then by the wits of + Charles the Second’s day. But what Wagstaff principally prides himself + upon is, that Henry the Eighth, in one of his nocturnal rambles, broke the + head of one of his ancestors with his famous walking-staff. This, however, + is considered as a rather dubious and vainglorious boast of the landlord. + </p> + <p> + The club which now holds its weekly sessions here goes by the name of “The + Roaring Lads of Little Britain.” They abound in old catches, glees, and + choice stories, that are traditional in the place, and not to be met with + in any other part of the metropolis. There is a madcap undertaker who is + inimitable at a merry song; but the life of the club, and indeed the prime + wit of Little Britain, is bully Wagstaff himself. His ancestors were all + wags before him, and he has inherited with the inn a large stock of songs + and jokes, which go with it from generation to generation as heirlooms. He + is a dapper little fellow, with bandy legs and pot belly, a red face, with + a moist, merry eye, and a little shock of gray hair behind. At the opening + of every club night he is called in to sing his “Confession of Faith,” + which is the famous old drinking trowl from “Gammer Gurton’s Needle.” He + sings it, to be sure, with many variations, as he received it from his + father’s lips; for it has been a standing favorite at the Half-Moon and + Bunch of Grapes ever since it was written; nay, he affirms that his + predecessors have often had the honor of singing it before the nobility + and gentry at Christmas mummeries, when Little Britain was in all its + glory. + </p> + <p> + It would do one’s heart good to hear, on a club night, the shouts of + merriment, the snatches of song, and now and then the choral bursts of + half a dozen discordant voices, which issue from this jovial mansion. At + such times the street is lined with listeners, who enjoy a delight equal + to that of gazing into a confectioner’s window, or snuffing up the steams + of a cookshop. + </p> + <p> + There are two annual events which produce great stir and sensation in + Little Britain; these are St. Bartholomew’s Fair, and the Lord Mayor’s + Day. During the time of the fair, which is held in the adjoining regions + of Smithfield, there is nothing going on but gossiping and gadding about. + The late quiet streets of Little Britain are overrun with an irruption of + strange figures and faces; every tavern is a scene of rout and revel. The + fiddle and the song are heard from the tap-room, morning, noon, and night; + and at each window may be seen some group of boon companions, with + half-shut eyes, hats on one side, pipe in mouth, and tankard in hand, + fondling, and prosing, and singing maudlin songs over their liquor. Even + the sober decorum of private families, which I must say is rigidly kept up + at other times among my neighbors, is no proof against this Saturnalia. + There is no such thing as keeping maid-servants within doors. Their brains + are absolutely set madding with Punch and the Puppet Show; the Flying + Horses; Signior Polito; the Fire-Eater; the celebrated Mr. Paap; and the + Irish Giant. The children, too, lavish all their holiday money in toys and + gilt gingerbread, and fill the house with the Lilliputian din of drums, + trumpets, and penny whistles. + </p> + <p> + But the Lord mayor’s Day is the great anniversary. The Lord Mayor is + looked up to by the inhabitants of Little Britain as the greatest + potentate upon earth; his gilt coach with six horses as the summit of + human splendor; and his procession, with all the Sheriffs and Aldermen in + his train, as the grandest of earthly pageants. How they exult in the idea + that the King himself dare not enter the city without first knocking at + the gate of Temple Bar, and asking permission of the Lord Mayor: for if he + did, heaven and earth! there is no knowing what might be the consequence. + The man in armor, who rides before the Lord mayor, and is the city + champion, has orders to cut down everybody that offends against the + dignity of the city; and then there is the little man with a velvet + porringer on his head, who sits at the window of the state-coach, and + holds the city sword, as long as a pike-staff—Odd’s blood! If he + once draws that sword, Majesty itself is not safe! + </p> + <p> + Under the protection of this mighty potentate, therefore, the good people + of Little Britain sleep in peace. Temple Bar is an effectual barrier + against all interior foes; and as to foreign invasion, the Lord Mayor has + but to throw himself into the Tower, call in the trainbands, and put the + standing army of Beef-eaters under arms, and he may bid defiance to the + world! + </p> + <p> + Thus wrapped up in its own concerns, its own habits, and its own opinions, + Little Britain has long flourished as a sound heart to this great fungous + metropolis. I have pleased myself with considering it as a chosen spot, + where the principles of sturdy John Bullism were garnered up, like seed + corn, to renew the national character, when it had run to waste and + degeneracy. I have rejoiced also in the general spirit of harmony that + prevailed throughout it; for though there might now and then be a few + clashes of opinion between the adherents of the cheesemonger and the + apothecary, and an occasional feud between the burial societies, yet these + were but transient clouds, and soon passed away. The neighbors met with + good-will, parted with a shake of the hand, and never abused each other + except behind their backs. + </p> + <p> + I could give rare descriptions of snug junketing parties at which I have + been present; where we played at All-fours, Pope-Joan, + Tome-come-tickle-me, and other choice old games; and where we sometimes + had a good old English country dance to the tune of Sir Roger de Coverley. + Once a year, also, the neighbors would gather together, and go on a gypsy + party to Epping Forest. It would have done any man’s heart good to see the + merriment that took place here as we banqueted on the grass under the + trees. How we made the woods ring with bursts of laughter at the songs of + little Wagstaff and the merry undertaker! After dinner, too, the young + folks would play at blind-man’s-buff and hide-and-seek; and it was amusing + to see them tangled among the briers, and to hear a fine romping girl now + and then squeak from among the bushes. The elder folks would gather round + the cheesemonger and the apothecary to hear them talk politics; for they + generally brought out a newspaper in their pockets, to pass away time in + the country. They would now and then, to be sure, get a little warm in + argument; but their disputes were always adjusted by reference to a worthy + old umbrella-maker, in a double chin, who, never exactly comprehending the + subject, managed somehow or other to decide in favor of both parties. + </p> + <p> + All empires, however, says some philosopher or historian, are doomed to + changes and revolutions. Luxury and innovation creep in; factions arise; + and families now and then spring up, whose ambition and intrigues throw + the whole system into confusion. Thus in latter days has the tranquillity + of Little Britain been grievously disturbed, and its golden simplicity of + manners threatened with total subversion by the aspiring family of a + retired butcher. + </p> + <p> + The family of the Lambs had long been among the most thriving and popular + in the neighborhood; the Miss Lambs were the belles of Little Britain, and + everybody was pleased when Old Lamb had made money enough to shut up shop, + and put his name on a brass plate on his door. In an evil hour, however, + one of the Miss Lambs had the honor of being a lady in attendance on the + Lady Mayoress, at her grand annual ball, on which occasion she wore three + towering ostrich feathers on her head. The family never got over it; they + were immediately smitten with a passion for high life; set up a one-horse + carriage, put a bit of gold lace round the errand boy’s hat, and have been + the talk and detestation of the whole neighborhood ever since. They could + no longer be induced to play at Pope-Joan or blindman’s-buff; they could + endure no dances but quadrilles, which nobody had ever heard of in Little + Britain; and they took to reading novels, talking bad French, and playing + upon the piano. Their brother, too, who had been articled to an attorney, + set up for a dandy and a critic, characters hitherto unknown in these + parts; and he confounded the worthy folks exceedingly by talking about + Kean, the opera, and the “Edinburgh Review.” + </p> + <p> + What was still worse, the Lambs gave a grand ball, to which they neglected + to invite any of their old neighbors; but they had a great deal of genteel + company from Theobald’s Road, Red-Lion Square, and other parts towards the + west. There were several beaux of their brother’s acquaintance from Gray’s + Inn Lane and Hatton Garden; and not less than three Aldermen’s ladies with + their daughters. This was not to be forgotten or forgiven. All Little + Britain was in an uproar with the smacking of whips, the lashing of + miserable horses, and the rattling and the jingling of hackney coaches. + The gossips of the neighborhood might be seen popping their nightcaps out + at every window, watching the crazy vehicles rumble by; and there was a + knot of virulent old cronies, that kept a lookout from a house just + opposite the retired butcher’s, and scanned and criticised every one that + knocked at the door. + </p> + <p> + This dance was a cause of almost open war, and the whole neighborhood + declared they would have nothing more to say to the Lambs. It is true that + Mrs. Lamb, when she had no engagements with her quality acquaintance, + would give little humdrum tea-junketings to some of her old cronies, + “quite,” as she would say, “in a friendly way;” and it is equally true + that her invitations were always accepted, in spite of all previous vows + to the contrary. Nay, the good ladies would sit and be delighted with the + music of the Miss Lambs, who would condescend to strum an Irish melody for + them on the piano; and they would listen with wonderful interest to Mrs. + Lamb’s anecdotes of Alderman Plunket’s family, of Portsokenward, and the + Miss Timberlakes, the rich heiresses of Crutched-Friars; but then they + relieved their consciences, and averted the reproaches of their + confederates, by canvassing at the next gossiping convocation everything + that had passed, and pulling the Lambs and their rout all to pieces. + </p> + <p> + The only one of the family that could not be made fashionable was the + retired butcher himself. Honest Lamb, in spite of the meekness of his + name, was a rough, hearty old fellow, with the voice of a lion, a head of + black hair like a shoe-brush, and a broad face mottled like his own beef. + It was in vain that the daughters always spoke of him as “the old + gentleman,” addressed him as “papa,” in tones of infinite softness, and + endeavored to coax him into a dressing-gown and slippers, and other + gentlemanly habits. Do what they might, there was no keeping down the + butcher. His sturdy nature would break through all their glozings. He had + a hearty vulgar good-humor that was irrepressible. His very jokes made his + sensitive daughters shudder; and he persisted in wearing his blue cotton + coat of a morning, dining at two o’clock, and having a “bit of sausage + with his tea.” + </p> + <p> + He was doomed, however, to share the unpopularity of his family. He found + his old comrades gradually growing cold and civil to him; no longer + laughing at his jokes; and now and then throwing out a fling at “some + people,” and a hint about “quality binding.” This both nettled and + perplexed the honest butcher; and his wife and daughters, with the + consummate policy of the shrewder sex, taking advantage of the + circumstance, at length prevailed upon him to give up his afternoon’s pipe + and tankard at Wagstaff’s; to sit after dinner by himself, and take his + pint of port—a liquor he detested—and to nod in his chair in + solitary and dismal gentility. + </p> + <p> + The Miss Lambs might now be seen flaunting along the streets in French + bonnets, with unknown beaux; and talking and laughing so loud that it + distressed the nerves of every good lady within hearing. They even went so + far as to attempt patronage, and actually induced a French dancing-master + to set up in the neighborhood; but the worthy folks of Little Britain took + fire at it, and did so persecute the poor Gaul that he was fain to pack up + fiddle and dancing-pumps, and decamp with such precipitation that he + absolutely forgot to pay for his lodgings. + </p> + <p> + I had flattered myself, at first, with the idea that all this fiery + indignation on the part of the community was merely the overflowing of + their zeal for good old English manners, and their horror of innovation; + and I applauded the silent contempt they were so vociferous in expressing, + for upstart pride, French fashions, and the Miss Lambs. But I grieve to + say that I soon perceived the infection had taken hold; and that my + neighbors, after condemning, were beginning to follow their example. I + overheard my landlady importuning her husband to let their daughters have + one quarter at French and music, and that they might take a few lessons in + quadrille. I even saw, in the course of a few Sundays, no less than five + French bonnets, precisely like those of the Miss Lambs, parading about + Little Britain. + </p> + <p> + I still had my hopes that all this folly would gradually die away; that + the Lambs might move out of the neighborhood; might die, or might run away + with attorneys’ apprentices; and that quiet and simplicity might be again + restored to the community. But unluckily a rival power arose. An opulent + oilman died, and left a widow with a large jointure and a family of buxom + daughters. The young ladies had long been repining in secret at the + parsimony of a prudent father, which kept down all their elegant + aspirings. Their ambition, being now no longer restrained, broke out into + a blaze, and they openly took the field against the family of the butcher. + It is true that the Lambs, having had the first start, had naturally an + advantage of them in the fashionable career. They could speak a little bad + French, play the piano, dance quadrilles, and had formed high + acquaintances; but the Trotters were not to be distanced. When the Lambs + appeared with two feathers in their hats, the Miss Trotters mounted four, + and of twice as fine colors. If the Lambs gave a dance, the Trotters were + sure not to be behindhand: and though they might not boast of as good + company, yet they had double the number, and were twice as merry. + </p> + <p> + The whole community has at length divided itself into fashionable + factions, under the banners of these two families. The old games of + Pope-Joan and Tom-come-tickle-me are entirely discarded; there is no such + thing as getting up an honest country dance; and on my attempting to kiss + a young lady under the mistletoe last Christmas, I was indignantly + repulsed; the Miss Lambs having pronounced it “shocking vulgar.” Bitter + rivalry has also broken out as to the most fashionable part of Little + Britain; the Lambs standing up for the dignity of the Cross-Keys Square, + and the Trotters for the vicinity of St. Bartholomew’s. + </p> + <p> + Thus is this little territory torn by factions and internal dissensions, + like the great empire who name it bears; and what will be the result would + puzzle the apothecary himself, with all his talent at prognostics, to + determine; though I apprehend that it will terminate in the total downfall + of genuine John Bullism. + </p> + <p> + The immediate effects are extremely unpleasant to me. Being a single man, + and, as I observed before, rather an idle good-for-nothing personage, I + have been considered the only gentleman by profession in the place. I + stand therefore in high favor with both parties, and have to hear all + their cabinet councils and mutual backbitings. As I am too civil not to + agree with the ladies on all occasions, I have committed myself most + horribly with both parties, by abusing their opponents. I might manage to + reconcile this to my conscience, which is a truly accommodating one, but I + cannot to my apprehension—if the Lambs and Trotters ever come to a + reconciliation, and compare notes, I am ruined! + </p> + <p> + I have determined, therefore, to beat a retreat in time, and am actually + looking out for some other nest in this great city, where old English + manners are still kept up; where French is neither eaten, drunk, danced, + nor spoken; and where there are no fashionable families of retired + tradesmen. This found, I will, like a veteran rat, hasten away before I + have an old house about my ears; bid a long, though a sorrowful, adieu to + my present abode, and leave the rival factions of the Lambs and the + Trotters to divide the distracted empire of LITTLE BRITAIN. + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Little Britain, by Washington Irving + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK LITTLE BRITAIN *** + +***** This file should be named 877-h.htm or 877-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/8/7/877/ + +Produced by Anthony J. 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