summaryrefslogtreecommitdiff
path: root/old
diff options
context:
space:
mode:
Diffstat (limited to 'old')
-rw-r--r--old/lbrit10.txt825
-rw-r--r--old/lbrit10.zipbin0 -> 17853 bytes
2 files changed, 825 insertions, 0 deletions
diff --git a/old/lbrit10.txt b/old/lbrit10.txt
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..9a08d4a
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/lbrit10.txt
@@ -0,0 +1,825 @@
+Project Gutenberg Etext of Little Britain, by Washington Irving
+#2 in our series by Washington Irving
+
+
+Copyright laws are changing all over the world, be sure to check
+the copyright laws for your country before posting these files!!
+
+Please take a look at the important information in this header.
+We encourage you to keep this file on your own disk, keeping an
+electronic path open for the next readers. Do not remove this.
+
+
+**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts**
+
+**Etexts Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971**
+
+*These Etexts Prepared By Hundreds of Volunteers and Donations*
+
+Information on contacting Project Gutenberg to get Etexts, and
+further information is included below. We need your donations.
+
+
+Little Britain
+
+by Washington Irving
+
+April, 1997 [Etext #877]
+
+
+Project Gutenberg Etext of Little Britain, by Washington Irving
+*****This file should be named lbrit10.txt or lbrit10.zip******
+
+Corrected EDITIONS of our etexts get a new NUMBER, lbrit11.txt.
+VERSIONS based on separate sources get new LETTER, lbrit10a.txt.
+
+
+Prepared by:
+Anthony J. Adam
+email anthony-adam@tamu.edu
+
+
+We are now trying to release all our books one month in advance
+of the official release dates, for time for better editing.
+
+Please note: neither this list nor its contents are final till
+midnight of the last day of the month of any such announcement.
+The official release date of all Project Gutenberg Etexts is at
+Midnight, Central Time, of the last day of the stated month. A
+preliminary version may often be posted for suggestion, comment
+and editing by those who wish to do so. To be sure you have an
+up to date first edition [xxxxx10x.xxx] please check file sizes
+in the first week of the next month. Since our ftp program has
+a bug in it that scrambles the date [tried to fix and failed] a
+look at the file size will have to do, but we will try to see a
+new copy has at least one byte more or less.
+
+
+Information about Project Gutenberg (one page)
+
+We produce about two million dollars for each hour we work. The
+fifty hours is one conservative estimate for how long it we take
+to get any etext selected, entered, proofread, edited, copyright
+searched and analyzed, the copyright letters written, etc. This
+projected audience is one hundred million readers. If our value
+per text is nominally estimated at one dollar then we produce $2
+million dollars per hour this year as we release thirty-two text
+files per month: or 400 more Etexts in 1996 for a total of 800.
+If these reach just 10% of the computerized population, then the
+total should reach 80 billion Etexts. We will try add 800 more,
+during 1997, but it will take all the effort we can manage to do
+the doubling of our library again this year, what with the other
+massive requirements it is going to take to get incorporated and
+establish something that will have some permanence.
+
+The Goal of Project Gutenberg is to Give Away One Trillion Etext
+Files by the December 31, 2001. [10,000 x 100,000,000=Trillion]
+This is ten thousand titles each to one hundred million readers,
+which is only 10% of the present number of computer users. 2001
+should have at least twice as many computer users as that, so it
+will require us reaching less than 5% of the users in 2001.
+
+
+We need your donations more than ever!
+
+
+All donations should be made to "Project Gutenberg"
+
+
+For these and other matters, please mail to:
+
+Project Gutenberg
+P. O. Box 2782
+Champaign, IL 61825
+
+When all other email fails try our Executive Director:
+Michael S. Hart <hart@pobox.com>
+
+We would prefer to send you this information by email
+(Internet, Bitnet, Compuserve, ATTMAIL or MCImail).
+
+******
+If you have an FTP program (or emulator), please
+FTP directly to the Project Gutenberg archives:
+[Mac users, do NOT point and click. . .type]
+
+ftp uiarchive.cso.uiuc.edu
+login: anonymous
+password: your@login
+cd etext/etext90 through /etext97
+or cd etext/articles [get suggest gut for more information]
+dir [to see files]
+get or mget [to get files. . .set bin for zip files]
+GET INDEX?00.GUT
+for a list of books
+and
+GET NEW GUT for general information
+and
+MGET GUT* for newsletters.
+
+**Information prepared by the Project Gutenberg legal advisor**
+(Three Pages)
+
+
+***START**THE SMALL PRINT!**FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN ETEXTS**START***
+Why is this "Small Print!" statement here? You know: lawyers.
+They tell us you might sue us if there is something wrong with
+your copy of this etext, even if you got it for free from
+someone other than us, and even if what's wrong is not our
+fault. So, among other things, this "Small Print!" statement
+disclaims most of our liability to you. It also tells you how
+you can distribute copies of this etext if you want to.
+
+*BEFORE!* YOU USE OR READ THIS ETEXT
+By using or reading any part of this PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm
+etext, you indicate that you understand, agree to and accept
+this "Small Print!" statement. If you do not, you can receive
+a refund of the money (if any) you paid for this etext by
+sending a request within 30 days of receiving it to the person
+you got it from. If you received this etext on a physical
+medium (such as a disk), you must return it with your request.
+
+ABOUT PROJECT GUTENBERG-TM ETEXTS
+This PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm etext, like most PROJECT GUTENBERG-
+tm etexts, is a "public domain" work distributed by Professor
+Michael S. Hart through the Project Gutenberg (the "Project").
+Among other things, this means that no one owns a United States
+copyright on or for this work, so the Project (and you!) can copy
+and distribute it in the United States without permission and
+without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, set forth
+below, apply if you wish to copy and distribute this etext
+under the Project's "PROJECT GUTENBERG" trademark.
+
+To create these etexts, the Project expends considerable
+efforts to identify, transcribe and proofread public domain
+works. Despite these efforts, the Project's etexts and any
+medium they may be on may contain "Defects". Among other
+things, Defects may take the form of incomplete, inaccurate or
+corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other
+intellectual property infringement, a defective or damaged
+disk or other etext medium, a computer virus, or computer
+codes that damage or cannot be read by your equipment.
+
+LIMITED WARRANTY; DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES
+But for the "Right of Replacement or Refund" described below,
+[1] the Project (and any other party you may receive this
+etext from as a PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm etext) disclaims all
+liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including
+legal fees, and [2] YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE OR
+UNDER STRICT LIABILITY, OR FOR BREACH OF WARRANTY OR CONTRACT,
+INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE
+OR INCIDENTAL DAMAGES, EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE
+POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES.
+
+If you discover a Defect in this etext within 90 days of
+receiving it, you can receive a refund of the money (if any)
+you paid for it by sending an explanatory note within that
+time to the person you received it from. If you received it
+on a physical medium, you must return it with your note, and
+such person may choose to alternatively give you a replacement
+copy. If you received it electronically, such person may
+choose to alternatively give you a second opportunity to
+receive it electronically.
+
+THIS ETEXT IS OTHERWISE PROVIDED TO YOU "AS-IS". NO OTHER
+WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, ARE MADE TO YOU AS
+TO THE ETEXT OR ANY MEDIUM IT MAY BE ON, INCLUDING BUT NOT
+LIMITED TO WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR A
+PARTICULAR PURPOSE.
+
+Some states do not allow disclaimers of implied warranties or
+the exclusion or limitation of consequential damages, so the
+above disclaimers and exclusions may not apply to you, and you
+may have other legal rights.
+
+INDEMNITY
+You will indemnify and hold the Project, its directors,
+officers, members and agents harmless from all liability, cost
+and expense, including legal fees, that arise directly or
+indirectly from any of the following that you do or cause:
+[1] distribution of this etext, [2] alteration, modification,
+or addition to the etext, or [3] any Defect.
+
+DISTRIBUTION UNDER "PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm"
+You may distribute copies of this etext electronically, or by
+disk, book or any other medium if you either delete this
+"Small Print!" and all other references to Project Gutenberg,
+or:
+
+[1] Only give exact copies of it. Among other things, this
+ requires that you do not remove, alter or modify the
+ etext or this "small print!" statement. You may however,
+ if you wish, distribute this etext in machine readable
+ binary, compressed, mark-up, or proprietary form,
+ including any form resulting from conversion by word pro-
+ cessing or hypertext software, but only so long as
+ *EITHER*:
+
+ [*] The etext, when displayed, is clearly readable, and
+ does *not* contain characters other than those
+ intended by the author of the work, although tilde
+ (~), asterisk (*) and underline (_) characters may
+ be used to convey punctuation intended by the
+ author, and additional characters may be used to
+ indicate hypertext links; OR
+
+ [*] The etext may be readily converted by the reader at
+ no expense into plain ASCII, EBCDIC or equivalent
+ form by the program that displays the etext (as is
+ the case, for instance, with most word processors);
+ OR
+
+ [*] You provide, or agree to also provide on request at
+ no additional cost, fee or expense, a copy of the
+ etext in its original plain ASCII form (or in EBCDIC
+ or other equivalent proprietary form).
+
+[2] Honor the etext refund and replacement provisions of this
+ "Small Print!" statement.
+
+[3] Pay a trademark license fee to the Project of 20% of the
+ net profits you derive calculated using the method you
+ already use to calculate your applicable taxes. If you
+ don't derive profits, no royalty is due. Royalties are
+ payable to "Project Gutenberg Association within the 60
+ days following each date you prepare (or were legally
+ required to prepare) your annual (or equivalent periodic)
+ tax return.
+
+WHAT IF YOU *WANT* TO SEND MONEY EVEN IF YOU DON'T HAVE TO?
+The Project gratefully accepts contributions in money, time,
+scanning machines, OCR software, public domain etexts, royalty
+free copyright licenses, and every other sort of contribution
+you can think of. Money should be paid to "Project Gutenberg
+Association".
+
+*END*THE SMALL PRINT! FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN ETEXTS*Ver.04.29.93*END*
+
+
+
+
+Prepared by:
+Anthony J. Adam
+email anthony-adam@tamu.edu
+
+
+
+
+
+Little Britain
+
+by Washington Irving
+
+
+
+
+
+What I write is most true...I have a whole booke of cases
+lying by me which if I should sette foorth, some grave auntients
+(within the hearing of Bow bell) would be out of charity with me.
+
+NASHE.
+
+
+
+IN the centre of the great city of London lies a small
+neighborhood, consisting of a cluster of narrow streets and
+courts, of very venerable and debilitated houses, which goes
+by the name of LITTLE BRITAIN. Christ Church School and
+St. Bartholomew's Hospital bound it on the west; Smithfield and
+Long Lane on the north; Aldersgate Street, like an arm of the
+sea, divides it from the eastern part of the city; whilst the
+yawning gulf of Bull-and-Mouth Street separates it from
+Butcher Lane, and the regions of Newgate. Over this little
+territory, thus bounded and designated, the great dome of St.
+Paul's, swelling above the intervening houses of Paternoster
+Row, Amen Corner, and Ave Maria Lane, looks down with an
+air of motherly protection.
+
+This quarter derives its appellation from having been, in
+ancient times, the residence of the Dukes of Brittany. As
+London increased, however, rank and fashion rolled off to the
+west, and trade, creeping on at their heels, took possession of
+their deserted abodes. For some time Little Britain became the
+great mart of learning, and was peopled by the busy and
+prolific race of booksellers; these also gradually deserted it,
+and, emigrating beyond the great strait of Newgate Street,
+settled down in Paternoster Row and St. Paul's Churchyard,
+where they continue to increase and multiply even at the
+present day.
+
+But though thus falling into decline, Little Britain still bears
+traces of its former splendor. There are several houses ready
+to tumble down, the fronts of which are magnificently enriched
+with old oaken carvings of hideous faces, unknown birds,
+beasts, and fishes; and fruits and flowers which it would
+perplex a naturalist to classify. There are also, in Aldersgate
+Street, certain remains of what were once spacious and lordly
+family mansions, but which have in latter days been subdivided
+into several tenements. Here may often be found the family of
+a petty tradesman, with its trumpery furniture, burrowing
+among the relics of antiquated finery, in great, rambling, time-
+stained apartments, with fretted ceilings, gilded cornices, and
+enormous marble fireplaces. The lanes and courts also contain
+many smaller houses, not on so grand a scale, but, like your
+small ancient gentry, sturdily maintaining their claims to equal
+antiquity. These have their gable ends to the street; great bow-
+windows, with diamond panes set in lead, grotesque carvings,
+and low arched door-ways.
+
+In this most venerable and sheltered little nest have I passed
+several quiet years of existence, comfortably lodged in the
+second floor of one of the smallest but oldest edifices. My
+sitting-room is an old wainscoted chamber, with small panels,
+and set off with a miscellaneous array of furniture. I have a
+particular respect for three or four high-backed claw-footed
+chairs, covered with tarnished brocade, which bear the marks
+of having seen better days, and have doubtless figured in some
+of the old palaces of Little Britain. They seem to me to keep
+together, and to look down with sovereign contempt upon
+their leathern-bottomed neighbors: as I have seen decayed
+gentry carry a high head among the plebeian society with which
+they were reduced to associate. The whole front of my sitting-
+room is taken up with a bow-window, on the panes of which
+are recorded the names of previous occupants for many
+generations, mingled with scraps of very indifferent
+gentlemanlike poetry, written in characters which I can scarcely
+decipher, and which extol the charms of many a beauty of
+Little Britain who has long, long since bloomed, faded, and
+passed away. As I am an idle personage, with no apparent
+occupation, and pay my bill regularly every week, I am looked
+upon as the only independent gentleman of the neighborhood;
+and, being curious to learn the internal state of a community so
+apparently shut up within itself, I have managed to work my
+way into all the concerns and secrets of the place.
+
+Little Britain may truly be called the heart's core of the city;
+the stronghold of true John Bullism. It is a fragment of
+London as it was in its better days, with its antiquated folks
+and fashions. Here flourish in great preservation many of the
+holiday games and customs of yore. The inhabitants most
+religiously eat pancakes on Shrove Tuesday, hot-cross-buns on
+Good Friday, and roast goose at Michaelmas; they send love-
+letters on Valentine's Day, burn the pope on the fifth of
+November, and kiss all the girls under the mistletoe at
+Christmas. Roast beef and plum pudding are also held in
+superstitious veneration, and port and sherry maintain their
+grounds as the only true English wines; all others being
+considered vile, outlandish beverages.
+
+Little Britain has its long catalogue of city wonders, which its
+inhabitants consider the wonders of the world: such as the
+great bell of St. Paul's, which sours all the beer when it tolls;
+the figures that strike the hours at St. Dunstan's clock; the
+Monument; the lions in the Tower; and the wooden giants in
+Guildhall. They still believe in dreams and fortune-telling, and
+an old woman that lives in Bull-and-Mouth Street makes a
+tolerable subsistence by detecting stolen goods, and promising
+the girls good husbands. They are apt to be rendered
+uncomfortable by comets and eclipses; and if a dog howls
+dolefully at night, it is looked upon as a sure sign of a death
+in
+the place. There are even many ghost stories current,
+particularly concerning the old mansion-houses; in several of
+which it is said strange sights are sometimes seen. Lords and
+ladies, the former in full bottomed wigs, hanging sleeves, and
+swords, the latter in lappets, stays, hoops and brocade, have
+been seen walking up and down the great waste chambers, on
+moonlight nights; and are supposed to be the shades of the
+ancient proprietors in their court-dresses.
+
+Little Britain has likewise its sages and great men. One of
+the most important of the former is a tall, dry old gentleman, of
+the name of Skryme, who keeps a small apothecary's shop. He
+has a cadaverous countenance, full of cavities and projections;
+with a brown circle round each eye, like a pair of horned
+spectacles. He is much thought of by the old women, who
+consider him a kind of conjurer, because he has two of three
+stuffed alligators hanging up in his shop, and several snakes in
+bottles. He is a great reader of almanacs and newspapers, and
+is much given to pore over alarming accounts of plots,
+conspiracies, fires, earthquakes, and volcanic eruptions; which
+last phenomena he considers as signs of the times. He has
+always some dismal tale of the kind to deal out to his customers,
+with their doses; and thus at the same time puts both soul and
+body into an uproar. He is a great believer in omens and
+predictions; and has the prophecies of Robert Nixon and
+Mother Shipton by heart. No man can make so much out of an
+eclipse, or even an unusually dark day; and he shook the tail of
+the last comet over the heads of his customers and disciples
+until they were nearly frightened out of their wits. He has
+lately got hold of a popular legend or prophecy, on which he
+has been unusually eloquent. There has been a saying current
+among the ancient sibyls, who treasure up these things, that
+when the grasshopper on the top of the Exchange shook hands
+with the dragon on the top of Bow Church Steeple, fearful
+events would take place. This strange conjunction, it seems, has
+as strangely come to pass. The same architect has been engaged
+lately on the repairs of the cupola of the Exchange, and the
+steeple of Bow church; and, fearful to relate, the dragon and
+the grasshopper actually lie, cheek by jole, in the yard of his
+workshop.
+
+"Others," as Mr. Skryme is accustomed to say, "may go star-
+gazing, and look for conjunctions in the heavens, but here is a
+conjunction on the earth, near at home, and under our own eyes,
+which surpasses all the signs and calculations of astrologers."
+Since these portentous weathercocks have thus laid their heads
+together, wonderful events had already occurred. The good
+old king, notwithstanding that he had lived eighty-two years,
+had all at once given up the ghost; another king had mounted
+the throne; a royal duke had died suddenly,--another, in
+France, had been murdered; there had been radical meetings in
+all parts of the kingdom; the bloody scenes at Manchester; the
+great plot of Cato Street; and above all, the queen had returned
+to England! All these sinister events are recounted by Mr.
+Skryme, with a mysterious look, and a dismal shake of the
+head; and being taken with his drugs, and associated in the
+minds of his auditors with stuffed sea-monsters, bottled
+serpents, and his own visage, which is a title-page of
+tribulation, they have spread great gloom through the minds of
+the people of Little Britain. They shake their heads whenever
+they go by Bow Church, and observe, that they never expected
+any good to come of taking down that steeple, which in old
+times told nothing but glad tidings, as the history of
+Whittington and his Cat bears witness.
+
+The rival oracle of Little Britain is a substantial
+cheesemonger, who lives in a fragment of one of the old family
+mansions, and is as magnificently lodged as a round-bellied
+mite in the midst of one of his own Cheshires. Indeed, he is a
+man of no little standing and importance; and his renown
+extends through Huggin Lane, and Lad Lane, and even unto
+Aldermanbury. His opinion is very much taken in affairs of
+state, having read the Sunday papers for the last half century,
+together with the "Gentleman's Magazine," Rapin's "History of
+England," and the "Naval Chronicle." His head is stored with
+invaluable maxims which have borne the test of time and use
+for centuries. It is his firm opinion that "it is a moral
+impossible," so long as England is true to herself, that anything
+can shake her; and he has much to say on the subject of the
+national debt, which, somehow or other, he proves to be a
+great national bulwark and blessing. He passed the greater part
+of his life in the purlieus of Little Britain, until of late
+years,
+when, having become rich, and grown into the dignity of a
+Sunday cane, he begins to take his pleasure and see the world.
+He has therefore made several excursions to Hampstead,
+Highgate, and other neighboring towns, where he has passed
+whole afternoons in looking back upon the metropolis through
+a telescope, and endeavoring to descry the steeple of St.
+Bartholomew's. Not a stage-coachman of Bull-and-Mouth
+Street but touches his hat as he passes; and he is considered
+quite a patron at the coach-office of the Goose and Gridiron,
+St. Paul's churchyard. His family have been very urgent for
+him to make an expedition to Margate, but he has great doubts
+of those new gimcracks, the steamboats, and indeed thinks
+himself too advanced in life to undertake sea-voyages.
+
+Little Britain has occasionally its factions and divisions, and
+party spirit ran very high at one time in consequence of two
+rival "Burial Societies" being set up in the place. One held its
+meeting at the Swan and Horse Shoe, and was patronized by the
+cheesemonger; the other at the Cock and Crown, under the
+auspices of the apothecary; it is needless to say that the latter
+was the most flourishing. I have passed an evening or two at
+each, and have acquired much valuable information, as to the
+best mode of being buried, the comparative merits of
+churchyards, together with divers hints on the subject of
+patent-iron coffins. I have heard the question discussed in all
+its bearings as to the legality of prohibiting the latter on
+account of their durability. The feuds occasioned by these
+societies have happily died of late; but they were for a long
+time prevailing themes of controversy, the people of Little
+Britain being extremely solicitous of funereal honors and of
+lying comfortably in their graves.
+
+Besides these two funeral societies there is a third of quite a
+different cast, which tends to throw the sunshine of good-
+humor over the whole neighborhood. It meets once a week at
+a little old-fashioned house, kept by a jolly publican of the
+name of Wagstaff, and bearing for insignia a resplendent half-
+moon, with a most seductive bunch of grapes. The old edifice
+is covered with inscriptions to catch the eye of the thirsty
+wayfarer, such as "Truman, Hanbury, and Co.'s Entire," "Wine,
+Rum, and Brandy Vaults," "Old Tom, Rum and Compounds,
+etc." This indeed has been a temple of Bacchus and Momus
+from time immemorial. It ha always been in the family of the
+Wagstaffs, so that its history is tolerably preserved by the
+present landlord. It was much frequented by the gallants and
+cavalieros of the reign of Elizabeth, and was looked into now
+and then by the wits of Charles the Second's day. But what
+Wagstaff principally prides himself upon is, that Henry the
+Eighth, in one of his nocturnal rambles, broke the head of one
+of his ancestors with his famous walking-staff. This, however,
+is considered as a rather dubious and vainglorious boast of the
+landlord.
+
+The club which now holds its weekly sessions here goes by
+the name of "The Roaring Lads of Little Britain." They
+abound in old catches, glees, and choice stories, that are
+traditional in the place, and not to be met with in any other
+part
+of the metropolis. There is a madcap undertaker who is
+inimitable at a merry song; but the life of the club, and indeed
+the prime wit of Little Britain, is bully Wagstaff himself. His
+ancestors were all wags before him, and he has inherited with
+the inn a large stock of songs and jokes, which go with it from
+generation to generation as heirlooms. He is a dapper little
+fellow, with bandy legs and pot belly, a red face, with a moist,
+merry eye, and a little shock of gray hair behind. At the
+opening of every club night he is called in to sing his
+"Confession of Faith," which is the famous old drinking trowl
+from "Gammer Gurton's Needle." He sings it, to be sure, with
+many variations, as he received it from his father's lips; for it
+has been a standing favorite at the Half-Moon and Bunch of
+Grapes ever since it was written; nay, he affirms that his
+predecessors have often had the honor of singing it before the
+nobility and gentry at Christmas mummeries, when Little
+Britain was in all its glory.
+
+It would do one's heart good to hear, on a club night, the
+shouts of merriment, the snatches of song, and now and then
+the choral bursts of half a dozen discordant voices, which issue
+from this jovial mansion. At such times the street is lined with
+listeners, who enjoy a delight equal to that of gazing into a
+confectioner's window, or snuffing up the steams of a
+cookshop.
+
+There are two annual events which produce great stir and
+sensation in Little Britain; these are St. Bartholomew's Fair,
+and the Lord Mayor's Day. During the time of the fair, which
+is held in the adjoining regions of Smithfield, there is nothing
+going on but gossiping and gadding about. The late quiet
+streets of Little Britain are overrun with an irruption of
+strange
+figures and faces; every tavern is a scene of rout and revel.
+The fiddle and the song are heard from the tap-room, morning,
+noon, and night; and at each window may be seen some group
+of boon companions, with half-shut eyes, hats on one side, pipe
+in mouth, and tankard in hand, fondling, and prosing, and
+singing maudlin songs over their liquor. Even the sober
+decorum of private families, which I must say is rigidly kept up
+at other times among my neighbors, is no proof against this
+Saturnalia. There is no such thing as keeping maid-servants
+within doors. Their brains are absolutely set madding with
+Punch and the Puppet Show; the Flying Horses; Signior Polito;
+the Fire-Eater; the celebrated Mr. Paap; and the Irish Giant.
+The children, too, lavish all their holiday money in toys and
+gilt
+gingerbread, and fill the house with the Lilliputian din of
+drums, trumpets, and penny whistles.
+
+But the Lord mayor's Day is the great anniversary. The Lord
+Mayor is looked up to by the inhabitants of Little Britain as the
+greatest potentate upon earth; his gilt coach with six horses as
+the summit of human splendor; and his procession, with all the
+Sheriffs and Aldermen in his train, as the grandest of earthly
+pageants. How they exult in the idea that the King himself
+dare not enter the city without first knocking at the gate of
+Temple Bar, and asking permission of the Lord Mayor: for if
+he did, heaven and earth! there is no knowing what might be
+the consequence. The man in armor, who rides before the
+Lord mayor, and is the city champion, has orders to cut down
+everybody that offends against the dignity of the city; and then
+there is the little man with a velvet porringer on his head, who
+sits at the window of the state-coach, and holds the city sword,
+as long as a pike-staff--Odd's blood! If he once draws that
+sword, Majesty itself is not safe!
+
+Under the protection of this mighty potentate, therefore, the
+good people of Little Britain sleep in peace. Temple Bar is an
+effectual barrier against all interior foes; and as to foreign
+invasion, the Lord Mayor has but to throw himself into the
+Tower, call in the trainbands, and put the standing army of
+Beef-eaters under arms, and he may bid defiance to the world!
+
+ Thus wrapped up in its own concerns, its own habits, and its
+own opinions, Little Britain has long flourished as a sound
+heart to this great fungous metropolis. I have pleased myself
+with considering it as a chosen spot, where the principles of
+sturdy John Bullism were garnered up, like seed corn, to renew
+the national character, when it had run to waste and
+degeneracy. I have rejoiced also in the general spirit of
+harmony that prevailed throughout it; for though there might
+now and then be a few clashes of opinion between the
+adherents of the cheesemonger and the apothecary, and an
+occasional feud between the burial societies, yet these were but
+transient clouds, and soon passed away. The neighbors met
+with good-will, parted with a shake of the hand, and never
+abused each other except behind their backs.
+
+I could give rare descriptions of snug junketing parties at
+which I have been present; where we played at All-fours, Pope-
+Joan, Tome-come-tickle-me, and other choice old games; and
+where we sometimes had a good old English country dance to
+the tune of Sir Roger de Coverley. Once a year, also, the
+neighbors would gather together, and go on a gypsy party to
+Epping Forest. It would have done any man's heart good to
+see the merriment that took place here as we banqueted on the
+grass under the trees. How we made the woods ring with
+bursts of laughter at the songs of little Wagstaff and the merry
+undertaker! After dinner, too, the young folks would play at
+blind-man's-buff and hide-and-seek; and it was amusing to see
+them tangled among the briers, and to hear a fine romping girl
+now and then squeak from among the bushes. The elder folks
+would gather round the cheesemonger and the apothecary to
+hear them talk politics; for they generally brought out a
+newspaper in their pockets, to pass away time in the country.
+They would now and then, to be sure, get a little warm in
+argument; but their disputes were always adjusted by reference
+to a worthy old umbrellamaker, in a double chin, who, never
+exactly comprehending the subject, managed somehow or other
+to decide in favor of both parties.
+
+All empires, however, says some philosopher or historian, are
+doomed to changes and revolutions. Luxury and innovation
+creep in; factions arise; and families now and then spring up,
+whose ambition and intrigues throw the whole system into
+confusion. Thus in latter days has the tranquillity of Little
+Britain been grievously disturbed, and its golden simplicity of
+manners threatened with total subversion by the aspiring family
+of a retired butcher.
+
+The family of the Lambs had long been among the most
+thriving and popular in the neighborhood; the Miss Lambs
+were the belles of Little Britain, and everybody was pleased
+when Old Lamb had made money enough to shut up shop, and
+put his name on a brass plate on his door. In an evil hour,
+however, one of the Miss Lambs had the honor of being a lady
+in attendance on the Lady Mayoress, at her grand annual ball,
+on which occasion she wore three towering ostrich feathers on
+her head. The family never got over it; they were immediately
+smitten with a passion for high life; set up a one-horse
+carriage,
+put a bit of gold lace round the errand boy's hat, and have been
+the talk and detestation of the whole neighborhood ever since.
+They could no longer be induced to play at Pope-Joan or blind-
+man's-buff; they could endure no dances but quadrilles, which
+nobody had ever heard of in Little Britain; and they took to
+reading novels, talking bad French, and playing upon the piano.
+Their brother, too, who had been articled to an attorney, set up
+for a dandy and a critic, characters hitherto unknown in these
+parts; and he confounded the worthy folks exceedingly by
+talking about Kean, the opera, and the "Edinburgh Review."
+
+What was still worse, the Lambs gave a grand ball, to which
+they neglected to invite any of their old neighbors; but they had
+a great deal of genteel company from Theobald's Road, Red-
+Lion Square, and other parts towards the west. There were
+several beaux of their brother's acquaintance from Gray's Inn
+Lane and Hatton Garden; and not less than three Aldermen's
+ladies with their daughters. This was not to be forgotten or
+forgiven. All Little Britain was in an uproar with the smacking
+of whips, the lashing of miserable horses, and the rattling and
+the jingling of hackney coaches. The gossips of the
+neighborhood might be seen popping their nightcaps out at
+every window, watching the crazy vehicles rumble by; and
+there was a knot of virulent old cronies, that kept a lookout
+from a house just opposite the retired butcher's, and scanned
+and criticised every one that knocked at the door.
+
+This dance was a cause of almost open war, and the whole
+neighborhood declared they would have nothing more to say to
+the Lambs. It is true that Mrs. Lamb, when she had no
+engagements with her quality acquaintance, would give little
+humdrum tea-junketings to some of her old cronies, "quite," as
+she would say, "in a friendly way;" and it is equally true that
+her invitations were always accepted, in spite of all previous
+vows to the contrary. Nay, the good ladies would sit and be
+delighted with the music of the Miss Lambs, who would
+condescend to strum an Irish melody for them on the piano;
+and they would listen with wonderful interest to Mrs. Lamb's
+anecdotes of Alderman Plunket's family, of Portsokenward,
+and the Miss Timberlakes, the rich heiresses of Crutched-Friars;
+but then they relieved their consciences, and averted the
+reproaches of their confederates, by canvassing at the next
+gossiping convocation everything that had passed, and pulling
+the Lambs and their rout all to pieces.
+
+The only one of the family that could not be made
+fashionable was the retired butcher himself. Honest Lamb, in
+spite of the meekness of his name, was a rough, hearty old
+fellow, with the voice of a lion, a head of black hair like a
+shoe-
+brush, and a broad face mottled like his own beef. It was in
+vain that the daughters always spoke of him as "the old
+gentleman," addressed him as "papa," in tones of infinite
+softness, and endeavored to coax him into a dressing-gown and
+slippers, and other gentlemanly habits. Do what they might,
+there was no keeping down the butcher. His sturdy nature
+would break through all their glozings. He had a hearty vulgar
+good-humor that was irrepressible. His very jokes made his
+sensitive daughters shudder; and he persisted in wearing his
+blue cotton coat of a morning, dining at two o'clock, and
+having a "bit of sausage with his tea."
+
+He was doomed, however, to share the unpopularity of his
+family. He found his old comrades gradually growing cold and
+civil to him; no longer laughing at his jokes; and now and then
+throwing out a fling at "some people," and a hint about "quality
+binding." This both nettled and perplexed the honest butcher;
+and his wife and daughters, with the consummate policy of the
+shrewder sex, taking advantage of the circumstance, at length
+prevailed upon him to give up his afternoon's pipe and tankard
+at Wagstaff's; to sit after dinner by himself, and take his pint
+of
+port--a liquor he detested--and to nod in his chair in solitary
+and dismal gentility.
+
+The Miss Lambs might now be seen flaunting along the
+streets in French bonnets, with unknown beaux; and talking
+and laughing so loud that it distressed the nerves of every good
+lady within hearing. They even went so far as to attempt
+patronage, and actually induced a French dancing-master to set
+up in the neighborhood; but the worthy folks of Little Britain
+took fire at it, and did so persecute the poor Gaul that he was
+fain to pack up fiddle and dancing-pumps, and decamp with
+such precipitation that he absolutely forgot to pay for his
+lodgings.
+
+I had flattered myself, at first, with the idea that all this
+fiery
+indignation on the part of the community was merely the
+overflowing of their zeal for good old English manners, and
+their horror of innovation; and I applauded the silent contempt
+they were so vociferous in expressing, for upstart pride, French
+fashions, and the Miss Lambs. But I grieve to say that I soon
+perceived the infection had taken hold; and that my neighbors,
+after condemning, were beginning to follow their example. I
+overheard my landlady importuning her husband to let their
+daughters have one quarter at French and music, and that they
+might take a few lessons in quadrille. I even saw, in the course
+of a few Sundays, no less than five French bonnets, precisely
+like those of the Miss Lambs, parading about Little Britain.
+
+I still had my hopes that all this folly would gradually die
+away; that the Lambs might move out of the neighborhood;
+might die, or might run away with attorneys' apprentices; and
+that quiet and simplicity might be again restored to the
+community. But unluckily a rival power arose. An opulent
+oilman died, and left a widow with a large jointure and a family
+of buxom daughters. The young ladies had long been repining
+in secret at the parsimony of a prudent father, which kept down
+all their elegant aspirings. Their ambition, being now no longer
+restrained, broke out into a blaze, and they openly took the
+field against the family of the butcher. It is true that the
+Lambs, having had the first start, had naturally an advantage of
+them in the fashionable career. They could speak a little bad
+French, play the piano, dance quadrilles, and had formed high
+acquaintances; but the Trotters were not to be distanced.
+When the Lambs appeared with two feathers in their hats, the
+Miss Trotters mounted four, and of twice as fine colors. If the
+Lambs gave a dance, the Trotters were sure not to be
+behindhand: and though they might not boast of as good
+company, yet they had double the number, and were twice as
+merry.
+
+The whole community has at length divided itself into
+fashionable factions, under the banners of these two families.
+The old games of Pope-Joan and Tom-come-tickle-me are
+entirely discarded; there is no such thing as getting up an
+honest country dance; and on my attempting to kiss a young
+lady under the mistletoe last Christmas, I was indignantly
+repulsed; the Miss Lambs having pronounced it "shocking
+vulgar." Bitter rivalry has also broken out as to the most
+fashionable part of Little Britain; the Lambs standing up for the
+dignity of the Cross-Keys Square, and the Trotters for the
+vicinity of St. Bartholomew's.
+
+Thus is this little territory torn by factions and internal
+dissensions, like the great empire who name it bears; and what
+will be the result would puzzle the apothecary himself, with all
+his talent at prognostics, to determine; though I apprehend that
+it will terminate in the total downfall of genuine John Bullism.
+
+The immediate effects are extremely unpleasant to me.
+Being a single man, and, as I observed before, rather an idle
+good-for-nothing personage, I have been considered the only
+gentleman by profession in the place. I stand therefore in high
+favor with both parties, and have to hear all their cabinet
+councils and mutual backbitings. As I am too civil not to agree
+with the ladies on all occasions, I have committed myself most
+horribly with both parties, by abusing their opponents. I might
+manage to reconcile this to my conscience, which is a truly
+accommodating one, but I cannot to my apprehension--if the
+Lambs and Trotters ever come to a reconciliation, and compare
+notes, I am ruined!
+
+I have determined, therefore, to beat a retreat in time, and am
+actually looking out for some other nest in this great city,
+where old English manners are still kept up; where French is
+neither eaten, drunk, danced, nor spoken; and where there are
+no fashionable families of retired tradesmen. This found, I
+will,
+like a veteran rat, hasten away before I have an old house
+about my ears; bid a long, though a sorrowful, adieu to my
+present abode, and leave the rival factions of the Lambs and
+the Trotters to divide the distracted empire of LITTLE BRITAIN.
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg Etext of Little Britain, by Washington Irving
+
diff --git a/old/lbrit10.zip b/old/lbrit10.zip
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..0c59bdf
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/lbrit10.zip
Binary files differ