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diff --git a/9798.txt b/9798.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..fb28767 --- /dev/null +++ b/9798.txt @@ -0,0 +1,12125 @@ +Project Gutenberg's Clarissa, Volume 2 (of 9), by Samuel Richardson + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Clarissa, Volume 2 (of 9) + +Author: Samuel Richardson + +Release Date: January, 2006 [EBook #9798] +Posting Date: August 1, 2009 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK CLARISSA, VOLUME 2 (OF 9) *** + + + + +Produced by Julie C. Sparks + + + + + +CLARISSA HARLOWE + +or the + +HISTORY OF A YOUNG LADY + +By Samuel Richardson + + +Nine Volumes + +Volume II. + + + + +LETTERS OF VOLUME II + + +LETTER I. Clarissa to Miss Howe.--Another visit from her aunt and +sister. The latter spitefully insults her with the patterns. A tender +scene between her aunt and her in Arabella's absence. She endeavours to +account for the inflexibility of her parents and uncles. + +LETTER II. Miss Howe to Clarissa.--Humourous description of Mr. Hickman. +Imagines, from what Lovelace, Hickman, and Solmes, are now, what figures +they made when boys at school. + +LETTER III. From the same.--Useful observations on general life. Severe +censures of the Harlowe family, for their pride, formality, and other +bad qualities. + +LETTER IV. From the same.--Mr. Hickman's conversation with two of +Lovelace's libertine companions. + +LETTER V. From the same.--An unexpected visit from Mr. Lovelace. What +passes in it. Repeats her advice to her to resume her estate. + +LETTER VI. VII. VIII. Clarissa to Miss Howe.--Farther particulars of the +persecutions she receives from her violent brother. + +LETTER IX. From the same.--Impertinence of Betty Barnes. Overhears her +brother and sister encourage Solmes to persevere in his address. She +writes warmly to her brother upon it. + +LETTER X. From the same.--Receives a provoking letter from her sister. +Writes to her mother. Her mother's severe reply. Is impatient. Desires +Miss Howe's advice what course to pursue. Tries to compose her angry +passions at her harpsichord. An Ode to Wisdom, by a Lady. + +LETTER XI. Clarissa to Miss Howe.--Chides her for misrepresenting Mr. +Hickman. Fully answers her arguments about resuming her estate. Her +impartiality with regard to what Miss Howe says of Lovelace, Solmes, and +her brother. Reflections on revenge and duelling. + +LETTER XII. Miss Howe to Clarissa.--Sir Harry Downeton's account of what +passed between himself and Solmes. She wishes her to avoid both men. +Admires her for her manifold excellencies. + +LETTER XIII. Clarissa to Miss Howe.--Why she cannot overcome her +aversion to Solmes. Sharp letter to Lovelace. On what occasion. All his +difficulties, she tells him, owning to his faulty morals; which level +all distinction. Insists upon his laying aside all thoughts of her. Her +impartial and dutiful reasonings on her difficult situation. + +LETTER XIV. Miss Howe to Clarissa.--A notable debate between her and her +mother on her case. Those who marry for love seldom so happy as those +who marry for convenience. Picture of a modern marriage. A lesson both +to parents and children in love-cases. Handsome men seldom make good +husbands. Miss Howe reflects on the Harlowe family, as not famous for +strictness in religion or piety. Her mother's partiality for Hickman. + +LETTER XV. Clarissa to Miss Howe.--Her increased apprehensions. +Warmly defends her own mother. Extenuates her father's feelings; and +expostulates with her on her undeserved treatment of Mr. Hickman. A +letter to her from Solmes. Her spirited answer. All in an uproar about +it. Her aunt Hervey's angry letter to her. She writes to her mother. Her +letter returned unopened. To her father. He tears her letter in pieces, +and sends it back to her. She then writes a pathetic letter to her uncle +Harlowe. + +LETTER XVI. From the same.--Receives a gentler answer than she expected +from her uncle Harlowe. Makes a new proposal in a letter to him, which +she thinks must be accepted. Her relations assembled upon it. Her +opinion of the sacrifice which a child ought to make to her parents. + +LETTER XVII. From the same.--She tells her that the proposal she had +made to her relations, on which she had built so much, is rejected. +Betty's saucy report upon it. Her brother's provoking letter to her. +Her letter to her uncle Harlowe on the occasion. Substance of a letter +excusatory from Mr. Lovelace. He presses for an interview with her in +the garden. + +LETTER XVIII. Clarissa to Miss Howe.--Her uncle's angry answer. +Substance of a humble letter from Mr. Lovelace. He has got a violent +cold and hoarseness, by his fruitless attendance all night in the +coppice. She is sorry he is not well. Makes a conditional appointment +with him for the next night, in the garden. Hates tyranny in all shapes. + +LETTER XIX. From the same.--A characteristic dialogue with the pert +Betty Barnes. Women have great advantage over men in all the powers that +relate to the imagination. Makes a request to her uncle Harlowe, which +is granted, on condition that she will admit of a visit from Solmes. She +complies; and appoints that day sevennight. Then writes to Lovelace +to suspend the intended interview. Desires Miss Howe to inquire into +Lovelace's behaviour at the little inn he puts up at in his way to +Harlowe-Place. + +LETTER XX. From the same.--Receives a letter from Lovelace, written +in very high terms, on her suspending the interview. Her angry answer. +Resolves against any farther correspondence with him. + +LETTER XXI. Miss Howe to Clarissa.--Humourous account of her mother and +Mr. Hickman in their little journey to visit her dying cousin. Rallies +her on her present displeasure with Lovelace. + +LETTER XXII. Mr. Hickman to Mrs. Howe.--Resenting Miss Howe's treatment +of him. + +LETTER XXIII. Mrs. Howe. In answer. + +LETTER XXIV. Miss Howe to Clarissa.--Observes upon the contents of her +seven last letters. Advises her to send all the letters and papers she +would not have her relations see; also a parcel of clothes, linen, &c. +Is in hopes of procuring an asylum for her with her mother, if things +come to extremity. + +LETTER XXV. Clarissa to Miss Howe.--Requisites of true satire. Rejoices +in the hopes she gives of her mother's protection. Deposits a parcel +of linen, and all Lovelace's letters. Useful observations relating to +family management, and to neatness of person and dress. Her contrivances +to amuse Betty Barnes. + +LETTER XXVI. Miss Howe to Clarissa.--Result of her inquiry after +Lovelace's behaviour at the inn. Doubts not but he has ruined the +innkeeper's daughter. Passionately inveighs against him. + +LETTER XXVII. Clarissa. In answer.--Is extremely alarmed at Lovelace's +supposed baseness. Declares her abhorrence of him. + +LETTER XXVIII. Miss Howe to Clarissa.--Lovelace, on inquiry, comes out +to be not only innocent with regard to his Rosebud, but generous. Miss +Howe rallies her on the effects this intelligence must have upon her +generosity. + +LETTER XXIX. Clarissa. In reply.--Acknowledges her generosity engaged +in his favour. Frankly expresses tenderness and regard for him; and owns +that the intelligence of his supposed baseness had affected her more +than she thinks it ought. Contents of a letter she has received from +him. Pities him. Writes to him that her rejection of Solmes is not in +favour to himself; for that she is determined to hold herself free +to obey her parents, (as she had offered to them,) of their giving up +Solmes. Reproaches him for his libertine declarations in all companies +against matrimony. Her notions of filial duty, notwithstanding the +persecutions she meets with. + +LETTER XXX. Miss Howe to Clarissa.--Her treatment of Mr. Hickman on his +intrusion into her company. Applauds Clarissa for the generosity of her +spirit, and the greatness of her mind. + +LETTER XXXI. Clarissa to Miss Howe.--Dr. Lewen makes her a formal visit. +Affected civility of her brother and sister to her. Is visited by her +uncle Harlowe: and by her sister. She penetrates the low art designed in +this change of their outward behaviour. Substance of Lovelace's reply +to her last. He acknowledges his folly for having ever spoken lightly of +matrimony. + +LETTER XXXII. From the same.--Another letter from Mr. Lovelace, in +which he expresses himself extremely apprehensive of the issue of +her interview with Solmes. Presses her to escape; proposes means for +effecting it; and threatens to rescue her by violence, if they attempt +to carry her to her uncle Antony's against her will. Her terror on the +occasion. She insists, in her answer, on his forbearing to take any rash +step; and expresses herself highly dissatisfied that he should think +himself entitled to dispute her father's authority in removing her to +her uncle's. She relies on Mrs. Howe's protection till her cousin Morden +arrives. + +LETTER XXXIII. Clarissa to Miss Howe.--A visit from her aunt Hervey, +preparative to the approaching interview with Solmes. Her aunt tells her +what is expected on her having consented to that interview. + +LETTER XXXIV. XXXV. From the same.--A particular account of what passed +in the interview with Solmes; and of the parts occasionally taken in +it by her boisterous uncle, by her brutal brother, by her implacable +sister, and by her qualifying aunt. Her perseverance and distress. Her +cousin Dolly's tenderness for her. Her closet searched for papers. All +the pens and ink they find taken from her. + +LETTER XXXVI. From the same.--Substance of a letter from Lovelace. His +proposals, promises, and declarations. All her present wish is, to be +able to escape Solmes, on one hand, and to avoid incurring the disgrace +of refuging with the family of a man at enmity with her own, on the +other. Her emotions behind the yew-hedge on seeing her father going into +the garden. Grieved at what she hears him say. Dutiful message to +her mother. Harshly answered. She censures Mr. Lovelace for his rash +threatenings to rescue her. Justifies her friends for resenting them; +and condemns herself for corresponding with him at first. + +LETTER XXXVII. Miss Howe to Clarissa.--Is vexed at the heart to be +obliged to tell her that her mother refuses to receive and protect her. +Offers to go away privately with her. + +LETTER XXXVIII. Clarissa to Miss Howe.--Her disinterested arguments in +Mrs. Howe's favour, on her refusal to receive her. All her consolation +is, that her unhappy situation is not owing to her own inadvertence of +folly. Is afraid she is singled out, either for her own faults, or for +those of her family, or perhaps for the faults of both, to be a very +unhappy creature. Justifies the ways of Providence, let what will befal +her: and argues with exemplary greatness of mind on this subject. Warmly +discourages Miss Howe's motion to accompany her in her flight. + +LETTER XXXIX. Clarissa to Miss Howe.--Further instances of her +impartiality in condemning Lovelace, and reasoning for her parents. +Overhears her brother and sister exulting in the success of their +schemes; and undertaking, the one to keep his father up to his +resentment on occasion of Lovelace's menaces, the other her mother. +Exasperated at this, and at what her aunt Hervey tells her, she writes +to Lovelace, that she will meet him the following Monday, and throw +herself into the protection of the ladies of his family. + +LETTER XL. From the same.--Her frightful dream. Now that Lovelace has +got her letter, she repents her appointment. + +LETTER XLI. From the same.--Receives a letter from Mr. Lovelace, full +of transport, vows, and promises. He presumes upon her being his on her +getting away, though she has not given him room for such hopes. In her +answer she tells him, 'that she looks not upon herself as absolutely +bound by her appointment: that there are many points to be adjusted +between them (were she to leave her father's house) before she can give +him particular encouragement: that he must expect she will do her utmost +to procure a reconciliation with her father, and his approbation of +her future steps.' All her friends are to be assembled on the following +Wednesday: she is to be brought before them. How to be proceeded with. +Lovelace, in his reply, asks pardon for writing to her with so much +assurance; and declares his entire acquiescence with her will and +pleasure. + +LETTER XLII. From the same.--Confirms her appointment; but tells him +what he is not to expect. Promises, that if she should change her mind +as to withdrawing, she will take the first opportunity to see him, and +acquaint him with her reasons. Reflections on what she has done. Her +deep regret to be thus driven. + +LETTER XLIII. Miss Howe to Clarissa.--Reasons why she ought to allow her +to accompany her in her flight. Punctilio at an end, the moment she is +out of her father's house. Requisites of friendship. Questions whether +she will not rather choose to go off with one of her own sex than +with Lovelace? And if not, whether she should not marry him as soon as +possible? + +LETTER XLIV. Clarissa to Miss Howe, (Miss Howe's last not received.) +Lovelace promises compliance, in every article, with her pleasure. +Her heart misgives her notwithstanding. She knows not but she may yet +recede. + +LETTER XLV. From the same. In answer to Letter XLIII.--Reflections +worthy of herself on some of the passages in Miss Howe's last letter. +Gives her home-put questions a full consideration; and determines NOT to +withdraw with Lovelace. + +LETTER XLVI. XLVII. From the same.--Substance of her letter to Lovelace, +revoking her appointment. Thinks herself obliged (her letter being not +taken away) as well by promise as in order to prevent mischief, to meet +him, and to give him her reason for revoking.--The hour of meeting now +at hand, she is apprehensive of the contest she shall have with him, as +he will come with a different expectation. + +LETTER XLVIII. From the same.--Dated from St. Alban's. Writes in the +utmost anguish of mind for the little parcel of linen she had sent to +her with better hopes. Condemns her own rashness in meeting Lovelace. +Begs her pity and her prayers. + + + + +THE HISTORY OF CLARISSA HARLOWE + + + + +LETTER I + +MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWE + + +My heart fluttered with the hope and the fear of seeing my mother, and +with the shame and grief of having given her so much uneasiness. But it +needed not: she was not permitted to come. But my aunt was so good as to +return, yet not without my sister; and, taking my hand, made me sit down +by her. + +She came, she must own, officiously, she said, this once more, +though against the opinion of my father: but knowing and dreading the +consequence of my opposition, she could not but come. + +She then set forth to my friends' expectation from me; Mr. Solmes's +riches (three times as rich he came out to be, as any body had thought +him); the settlements proposed; Mr. Lovelace's bad character; their +aversions to him; all in a very strong light; not in a stronger than +my mother had before placed them in. My mother, surely, could not have +given the particulars of what had passed between herself and me: if she +had, my aunt would not have repeated many of the same sentiments, as +you will find she did, that had been still more strongly urged, without +effect by her venerable sister. + +She said it would break the heart of my father to have it imagined that +he had not a power over his own child; and that, as he thought, for +my own good: a child too, whom they had always doated upon!--Dearest, +dearest Miss, concluded she, clasping her fingers, with the most +condescending earnestness, let me beg of you, for my sake, for your own +sake, for a hundred sakes, to get over this averseness, to give up your +prejudices, and make every one happy and easy once more.--I would kneel +to you, my dearest Niece--nay, I will kneel to you--! + +And down she dropt, and I with her, kneeling to her, and beseeching her +not to kneel; clasping my arms about her, and bathing her worthy bosom +with my tears. + +O rise! rise! my beloved Aunt, said I: you cut me to the heart with this +condescending goodness. + +Say then, my dearest Niece, say then, that you will oblige all your +friends!--If you love us, I beseech you do-- + +How can I perform what I can sooner choose to die than to perform--! + +Say then, my dear, that you will consider of it. Say you will but +reason with yourself. Give us but hopes. Don't let me entreat, and thus +entreat, in vain--[for still she kneeled, and I by her]. + +What a hard case is mine!--Could I but doubt, I know I could +conquer.--That which is an inducement to my friends, is none at all to +me--How often, my dearest Aunt, must I repeat the same thing?--Let me +but be single--Cannot I live single? Let me be sent, as I have proposed, +to Scotland, to Florence, any where: let me be sent a slave to the +Indies, any where--any of these I will consent to. But I cannot, cannot +think of giving my vows to man I cannot endure! + +Well then, rising, (Bella silently, with uplifted hands, reproaching my +supposed perverseness,) I see nothing can prevail with you to oblige us. + +What can I do, my dearest Aunt Hervey? What can I do? Were I capable of +giving a hope I meant not to enlarge, then could I say, I would consider +of your kind advice. But I would rather be thought perverse than +insincere. Is there, however, no medium? Can nothing be thought of? Will +nothing do, but to have a man who is the more disgustful to me, because +he is unjust in the very articles he offers? + +Whom now, Clary, said my sister, do you reflect upon? Consider that. + +Make not invidious applications of what I say, Bella. It may not be +looked upon in the same light by every one. The giver and the accepter +are principally answerable in an unjust donation. While I think of it in +this light, I should be inexcusable to be the latter. But why do I enter +upon a supposition of this nature?--My heart, as I have often, often +said, recoils, at the thought of the man, in every light.--Whose father, +but mine, agrees upon articles where there is no prospect of a liking? +Where the direct contrary is avowed, all along avowed, without the +least variation, or shadow of a change of sentiment?--But it is not my +father's doing originally. O my cruel, cruel brother, to cause a measure +to be forced upon me, which he would not behave tolerably under, were +the like to be offered to him! + +The girl is got into her altitudes, Aunt Hervey, said my sister. You +see, Madam, she spares nobody. Be pleased to let her know what she has +to trust to. Nothing is to be done with her. Pray, Madam, pronounce her +doom. + +My aunt retired to the window, weeping, with my sister in her hand: +I cannot, indeed I cannot, Miss Harlowe, said she, softly, (but yet I +heard every word she said): there is great hardship in her case. She +is a noble child after all. What pity things are gone so far!--But Mr. +Solmes ought to be told to desist. + +O Madam, said my sister, in a kind of loud whisper, are you caught too +by the little siren?--My mother did well not to come up!--I question +whether my father himself, after his first indignation, would not be +turned round by her. Nobody but my brother can do any thing with her, I +am sure. + +Don't think of your brother's coming up, said my aunt, still in a low +voice--He is too furious. I see no obstinacy, no perverseness, in +her manner! If your brother comes, I will not be answerable for the +consequences: for I thought twice or thrice she would have gone into +fits. + +O Madam, she has a strong heart!--And you see there is no prevailing +with her, though you were upon your knees to her. + +My sister left my aunt musing at the window, with her back towards us, +and took that opportunity to insult me still more barbarously; for, +stepping to my closet, she took up the patterns which my mother had sent +me up, and bringing them to me, she spread them upon the chair by me; +and offering one, and then another, upon her sleeve and shoulder, thus +she ran on, with great seeming tranquility, but whisperingly, that my +aunt might not hear her. This, Clary, is a pretty pattern enough: but +this is quite charming! I would advise you to make your appearance in +it. And this, were I you, should be my wedding night-gown--And this +my second dressed suit! Won't you give orders, love, to have your +grandmother's jewels new set?--Or will you thing to shew away in the new +ones Mr. Solmes intends to present to you? He talks of laying out two +or three thousand pounds in presents, child! Dear heart!--How gorgeously +will you be array'd! What! silent still?--But, Clary, won't you have a +velvet suit? It would cut a great figure in a country church, you know: +and the weather may bear it for a month yet to come. Crimson velvet, +suppose! Such a fine complexion as yours, how it would be set off by it! +What an agreeable blush would it give you!--Heigh-ho! (mocking me, for I +sighed to be thus fooled with,) and do you sigh, love?--Well then, as it +will be a solemn wedding, what think you of black velvet, child?--Silent +still, Clary?--Black velvet, so fair as you are, with those charming +eyes, gleaming through a wintry cloud, like an April sun!--Does not +Lovelace tell you they are charming eyes?--How lovely will you appear to +every one!--What! silent still, love?--But about your laces, Clary?-- + +She would have gone on still further, had not my aunt advance towards +me, wiping her eyes--What! whispering ladies! You seem so easy and so +pleased, Miss Harlowe, with your private conference, that I hope I shall +carry down good news. + +I am only giving her my opinion of her patterns, here.--Unasked indeed; +but she seems, by her silence, to approve of my judgment. + +O Bella! said I, that Mr. Lovelace had not taken you at your word!--You +had before now been exercising your judgment on your own account: and I +had been happy as well as you! Was it my fault, I pray you, that it was +not so?-- + +O how she raved! + +To be so ready to give, Bella, and so loth to take, is not very fair in +you. + +The poor Bella descended to call names. + +Why, Sister, said I, you are as angry, as if there were more in the +hint than possibly might be designed. My wish is sincere, for both our +sakes!--for the whole family's sake!--And what (good now) is there in +it?--Do not, do not, dear Bella, give me cause to suspect, that I have +found a reason for your behaviour to me, and which till now was wholly +unaccountable from sister to sister-- + +Fie, fie, Clary! said my aunt. + +My sister was more and more outrageous. + +O how much fitter, said I, to be a jest, than a jester!--But now, Bella, +turn the glass to you, and see how poorly sits the robe upon your own +shoulders, which you have been so unmercifully fixing upon mine! + +Fie, fie, Miss Clary! repeated my aunt. + +And fie, fie, likewise, good Madam, to Miss Harlowe, you would say, were +you to have heard her barbarous insults! + +Let us go, Madam, said my sister, with great violence; let us leave the +creature to swell till she bursts with her own poison.--The last time I +will ever come near her, in the mind I am in! + +It is so easy a thing, returned I, were I to be mean enough to follow +an example that is so censurable in the setter of it, to vanquish such +a teasing spirit as your's with its own blunt weapons, that I am amazed +you will provoke me!--Yet, Bella, since you will go, (for she had +hurried to the door,) forgive me. I forgive you. And you have a double +reason to do so, both from eldership and from the offence so studiously +given to one in affliction. But may you be happy, though I never shall! +May you never have half the trials I have had! Be this your comfort, +that you cannot have a sister to treat you as you have treated me!--And +so God bless you! + +O thou art a--And down she flung without saying what. + +Permit me, Madam, said I to my aunt, sinking down, and clasping her +knees with my arms, to detain you one moment--not to say any thing about +my poor sister--she is her own punisher--only to thank you for all +your condescending goodness to me. I only beg of you not to impute to +obstinacy the immovableness I have shown to so tender a friend; and to +forgive me every thing I have said or done amiss in your presence, for +it has not proceeded from inward rancour to the poor Bella. But I will +be bold to say, that neither she, nor my brother, nor even my father +himself, knows what a heart they have set a bleeding. + +I saw, to my comfort, what effect my sister's absence wrought for +me.--Rise, my noble-minded Niece!--Charming creature! [those were her +kind words] kneel not to me!--Keep to yourself what I now say to you.--I +admire you more than I can express--and if you can forbear claiming your +estate, and can resolve to avoid Lovelace, you will continue to be the +greatest miracle I ever knew at your years--but I must hasten down after +your sister.--These are my last words to you: 'Conform to your father's +will, if you possibly can. How meritorious will it be in you if you do +so! Pray to God to enable you to conform. You don't know what may be +done.' + +Only, my dear Aunt, one word, one word more (for she was going)--Speak +all you can for my dear Mrs. Norton. She is but low in the world: should +ill health overtake her, she may not know how to live without my mamma's +favour. I shall have no means to help her; for I will want necessaries +before I will assert my right: and I do assure you, she has said so many +things to me in behalf of my submitting to my father's will, that her +arguments have not a little contributed to make me resolve to avoid the +extremities, which nevertheless I pray to God they do not at last force +me upon. And yet they deprive me of her advice, and think unjustly of +one of the most excellent of women. + +I am glad to hear you say this: and take this, and this, and this, my +charming Niece! (for so she called me almost at every word, kissing me +earnestly, and clasping her arms about my neck:) and God protect you, +and direct you! But you must submit: indeed you must. Some one day in a +month from this is all the choice that is left you. + +And this, I suppose, was the doom my sister called for; and yet no worse +than what had been pronounced upon me before. + +She repeated these last sentences louder than the former. 'And remember, +Miss,' added she, 'it is your duty to comply.'--And down she went, +leaving me with my heart full, and my eyes running over. + +The very repetition of this fills me with almost equal concern to that +which I felt at the time. + +I must lay down my pen. Mistiness, which give to the deluged eye the +appearance of all the colours in the rainbow, will not permit me to +write on. + + +WEDNESDAY, FIVE O'CLOCK + + +I will now add a few lines--My aunt, as she went down from me, was met +at the foot of the stairs by my sister, who seemed to think she had +staid a good while after her; and hearing her last words prescribing +to me implicit duty, praised her for it, and exclaimed against my +obstinacy. Did you ever hear of such perverseness, Madam? said she: +Could you have thought that your Clarissa and every body's Clarissa, was +such a girl?--And who, as you said, is to submit, her father or she? + +My aunt said something in answer to her, compassionating me, as I +thought, by her accent: but I heard not the words. + +Such a strange perseverance in a measure so unreasonable!--But my +brother and sister are continually misrepresenting all I say and do; and +I am deprived of the opportunity of defending myself!--My sister says,* +that had they thought me such a championess, they you not have engaged +with me: and now, not knowing how to reconcile my supposed obstinacy +with my general character and natural temper, they seem to hope to tire +me out, and resolve to vary their measures accordingly. My brother, you +see,** is determined to carry this point, or to abandon Harlowe-place, +and never to see it more. So they are to lose a son, or to conquer +a daughter--the perversest and most ungrateful that ever parents +had!--This is the light he places things in: and has undertaken, it +seems, to subdue me, if his advice should be followed. It will be +farther tried; of that I am convinced; and what will be their next +measure, who can divine? + + + * See Letter XLII. of Vol. I. + + ** Ibid. + + +I shall dispatch, with this, my answer to your's of Sunday last, begun +on Monday;* but which is not yet quite finished. It is too long to copy: +I have not time for it. In it I have been very free with you, my dear, +in more places than one. I cannot say that I am pleased with all I have +written--yet will not now alter it. My mind is not at ease enough for +the subject. Don't be angry with me. Yet, if you can excuse one or two +passages, it will be because they were written by + +Your CLARISSA HARLOWE. + + + * See Letter XL, ibid. + + + + +LETTER II + +MISS HOWE, TO MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE WEDNESDAY NIGHT, MARCH 22. + + +ANGRY!--What should I be angry for? I am mightily pleased with your +freedom, as you call it. I only wonder at your patience with me; that's +all. I am sorry I gave you the trouble of so long a letter upon the +occasion,* notwithstanding the pleasure I received in reading it. + + + * See Vol. I, Letter XXXVII, for the occasion; and Letters + XXXVIII. and XL. of the same volume, for the freedom + Clarissa apologizes for. + + +I believe you did not intend reserves to me: for two reasons I believe +you did not: First, because you say you did not: Next, because you have +not as yet been able to convince yourself how it is to be with you; and +persecuted as you are, how so to separate the effects that spring from +the two causes [persecution and love] as to give to each its particular +due. But this I believe I hinted to you once before; and so will say no +more upon this subject at present. + +Robin says, you had but just deposited your last parcel when he took it: +for he was there but half an hour before, and found nothing. He had seen +my impatience, and loitered about, being willing to bring me something +from you, if possible. + +My cousin Jenny Fynnett is here, and desires to be my bedfellow +to-night. So I shall not have an opportunity to sit down with that +seriousness and attention which the subjects of yours require. For she +is all prate, you know, and loves to set me a prating; yet comes upon +a very grave occasion--to procure my mother to go with her to her +grandmother Larking, who has long been bed-ridden; and at last has taken +it into her head that she is mortal, and therefore will make her will; a +work she was till now extremely averse to; but it must be upon condition +that my mother, who is her distant relation, will go to her, and advise +her as to the particulars of it: for she has a high opinion, as every +one else has, of my mother's judgment in all matters relating to wills, +settlements, and such-like notable affairs. + +Mrs. Larking lives about seventeen miles off; and as my mother cannot +endure to lie out of her own house, she proposes to set out early in +the morning, that she might be able to get back again at night. So, +to-morrow I shall be at your devotion from day-light to day-light; nor +will I be at home to any body. + +I have hinted before, that I could almost wish my mother and Mr. Hickman +would make a match of it: and I here repeat my wishes. What signifies +a difference of fifteen or twenty years; especially when the lady has +spirits that will make her young a long time, and the lover is a mighty +sober man?--I think, verily, I could like him better for a papa, than +for a nearer relation: and they are strange admirers of one another. + +But allow me a perhaps still better (and, as to years, more suitable and +happier) disposal; for the man at least.--What think you, my dear, of +compromising with your friends, by rejecting both men, and encouraging +my parader?--If your liking one of the two go no farther than +conditional, I believe it will do. A rich thought, if it obtain your +approbation! In this light, I should have a prodigious respect for +Mr. Hickman; more by half than I can have in the other. The vein is +opened--Shall I let it flow? How difficult to withstand constitutional +foibles! + +Hickman is certainly a man more in your taste than any of those who have +hitherto been brought to address you. He is mighty sober, mighty grave, +and all that. Then you have told me, that he is your favourite. But that +is because he is my mother's perhaps. The man would certainly rejoice at +the transfer; or he must be a greater fool than I take him to be. + +O but your fierce lover would knock him o' the head--I forgot +that!--What makes me incapable of seriousness when I write about +Hickman?--Yet the man so good a sort of man in the main!--But who is +perfect? This is one of my foibles: and it is something for you to chide +me for. + +You believe me to be very happy in my prospect in relation to him: +because you are so very unhappy in the foolish usage you meet with, you +are apt (as I suspect) to think that tolerable which otherwise would be +far from being so. I dare say, you would not, with all your grave airs, +like him for yourself; except, being addressed by Solmes and him, you +were obliged to have one of them.--I have given you a test. Let me see +what you will say to it. + +For my own part, I confess to you, that I have great exceptions to +Hickman. He and wedlock never yet once entered into my head at one time. +Shall I give you my free thoughts of him?--Of his best and his worst; +and that as if I were writing to one who knows him not?--I think I will. +Yet it is impossible I should do it gravely. The subject won't bear to +be so treated in my opinion. We are not come so far as that yet, if ever +we shall: and to do it in another strain, ill becomes my present real +concern for you. + + +***** + + +Here I was interrupted on the honest man's account. He has been here +these two hours--courting the mother for the daughter, I suppose--yet +she wants no courting neither: 'Tis well one of us does; else the man +would have nothing but halcyon; and be remiss, and saucy of course. + +He was going. His horses at the door. My mother sent for me down, +pretending to want to say something to me. + +Something she said when I came that signified nothing--Evidently, for no +reason called me, but to give me an opportunity to see what a fine bow +her man could make; and that she might wish me a good night. She knows +I am not over ready to oblige him with my company, if I happen to be +otherwise engaged. I could not help an air a little upon the fretful, +when I found she had nothing of moment to say to me, and when I saw her +intention. + +She smiled off the visible fretfulness, that the man might go away in +good humour with himself. + +He bowed to the ground, and would have taken my hand, his whip in the +other. I did not like to be so companioned: I withdrew my hand, but +touched his elbow with a motion, as if from his low bow I had supposed +him falling, and would have helped him up--A sad slip, it might have +been! said I. + +A mad girl! smiled it off my mother. + +He was quite put out; took his horse-bridle, stumped back, back, back, +bowing, till he run against his servant. I laughed. He mounted his +horse. I mounted up stairs, after a little lecture; and my head is so +filled with him, that I must resume my intention, in hopes to divert you +for a few moments. + +Take it then--his best, and his worst, as I said before. + +Hickman is a sort of fiddling, busy, yet, to borrow a word from you, +unbusy man: has a great deal to do, and seems to me to dispatch nothing. +Irresolute and changeable in every thing, but in teasing me with his +nonsense; which yet, it is evident, he must continue upon my mother's +interest more than upon his own hopes; for none have I given him. + +Then I have a quarrel against his face, though in his person, for +a well-thriven man, tolerably genteel--Not to his features so much +neither; for what, as you have often observed, are features in a +man?--But Hickman, with strong lines, and big cheek and chin bones, +has not the manliness in his aspect, which Lovelace has with the most +regular and agreeable features. + +Then what a set and formal mortal he is in some things!--I have not been +able yet to laugh him out of his long bid and beads. Indeed, that is, +because my mother thinks they become him; and I would not be so free +with him, as to own I should choose to have him leave it off. If he did, +so particular is the man, he would certainly, if left to himself, fall +into a King-William's cravat, or some such antique chin-cushion, as by +the pictures of that prince one sees was then the fashion. + +As to his dress in general, he cannot indeed be called a sloven, but +sometimes he is too gaudy, at other times too plain, to be uniformly +elegant. And for his manners, he makes such a bustle with them, and +about them, as would induce one to suspect that they are more strangers +than familiars to him. You, I know, lay this to his fearfulness of +disobliging or offending. Indeed your over-doers generally give the +offence they endeavour to avoid. + +The man however is honest: is of family: has a clear and good estate; +and may one day be a baronet, an't please you. He is humane and +benevolent, tolerably generous, as people say; and as I might say too, +if I would accept of his bribes; which he offers in hopes of having them +all back again, and the bribed into the bargain. A method taken by all +corrupters, from old Satan, to the lowest of his servants. Yet, to speak +in the language of a person I am bound to honour, he is deemed a prudent +man; that is to say a good manager. + +Then I cannot but confess, that now I like not anybody better, whatever +I did once. + +He is no fox-hunter: he keeps a pack indeed; but prefers not his hounds +to his fellow-creatures. No bad sign for a wife, I own. He loves his +horse; but dislikes racing in a gaming way, as well as all sorts of +gaming. Then he is sober; modest; they say, virtuous; in short, +has qualities that mothers would be fond of in a husband for their +daughters; and for which perhaps their daughters would be the happier +could they judge as well for themselves, as experience possibly may +teach them to judge for their future daughters. + +Nevertheless, to own the truth, I cannot say I love the man: nor, I +believe, ever shall. + +Strange! that these sober fellows cannot have a decent sprightliness, +a modest assurance with them! Something debonnaire; which need not be +separated from that awe and reverence, when they address a woman, which +should shew the ardour of their passion, rather than the sheepishness +of their nature; for who knows not that love delights in taming the +lion-hearted? That those of the sex, who are most conscious of their +own defect in point of courage, naturally require, and therefore as +naturally prefer, the man who has most of it, as the most able to give +them the requisite protection? That the greater their own cowardice, as +it would be called in a man, the greater is their delight in subjects +of heroism? As may be observed in their reading; which turns upon +difficulties encountered, battles fought, and enemies overcome, four or +five hundred by the prowess of one single hero, the more improbable the +better: in short, that their man should be a hero to every one living +but themselves; and to them know no bound to his humility. A woman has +some glory in subduing a heart no man living can appall; and hence too +often the bravo, assuming the hero, and making himself pass for one, +succeeds as only a hero should. + +But as for honest Hickman, the good man is so generally meek, as I +imagine, that I know not whether I have any preference paid me in his +obsequiousness. And then, when I rate him, he seems to be so naturally +fitted for rebuke, and so much expects it, that I know not how to +disappoint him, whether he just then deserve it, or not. I am sure, he +has puzzled me many a time when I have seen him look penitent for faults +he has not committed, whether to pity or laugh at him. + +You and I have often retrospected the faces and minds of grown people; +that is to say, have formed images for their present appearances, +outside and in, (as far as the manners of the persons would justify us +in the latter) what sort of figures they made when boys and girls. And +I'll tell you the lights in which HICKMAN, SOLMES, and LOVELACE, our +three heroes, have appeared to me, supposing them boys at school. + +Solmes I have imagined to be a little sordid, pilfering rogue, who would +purloin from every body, and beg every body's bread and butter from him; +while, as I have heard a reptile brag, he would in a winter-morning spit +upon his thumbs, and spread his own with it, that he might keep it all +to himself. + +Hickman, a great overgrown, lank-haired, chubby boy, who would be +hunched and punched by every body; and go home with his finger in his +eye, and tell his mother. + +While Lovelace I have supposed a curl-pated villain, full of fire, +fancy, and mischief; an orchard-robber, a wall-climber, a horse-rider +without saddle or bridle, neck or nothing: a sturdy rogue, in short, +who would kick and cuff, and do no right, and take no wrong of any +body; would get his head broke, then a plaster for it, or let it heal +of itself; while he went on to do more mischief, and if not to get, +to deserve, broken bones. And the same dispositions have grown up with +them, and distinguish them as me, with no very material alteration. + +Only that all men are monkeys more or less, or else that you and I +should have such baboons as these to choose out of, is a mortifying +thing, my dear. + +I am sensible that I am a little out of season in treating thus +ludicrously the subject I am upon, while you are so unhappy; and if +my manner does not divert you, as my flightiness used to do, I am +inexcusable both to you, and to my own heart: which, I do assure you, +notwithstanding my seeming levity, is wholly in your case. + +As this letter is extremely whimsical, I will not send it until I can +accompany it with something more solid and better suited to your +unhappy circumstances; that is to say, to the present subject of our +correspondence. To-morrow, as I told you, will be wholly my own, and of +consequence yours. Adieu, therefore, till then. + + + + +LETTER III + +MISS HOWE, TO MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE TUESDAY MORN. 7 O'CLOCK + + +My mother and cousin are already gone off in our chariot and four, +attended by their doughty 'squire on horseback, and he by two of his +own servants, and one of my mother's. They both love parade when they +go abroad, at least in compliment to one another; which shews, that +each thinks the other does. Robin is your servant and mine, and nobody's +else--and the day is all my own. + +I must begin with blaming you, my dear, for your resolution not to +litigate for your right, if occasion were to be given you. Justice is +due to ourselves, as well as to every body else. Still more must I blame +you for declaring to your aunt and sister, that you will not: since (as +they will tell it to your father and brother) the declaration must needs +give advantage to spirits who have so little of that generosity for +which you are so much distinguished. + +There never was a spirit in the world that would insult where it dared, +but it would creep and cringe where it dared not. Let me remind you of +a sentence of your own, the occasion for which I have forgotten: 'That +little spirits will always accommodate themselves to the temper of those +they would work upon: will fawn upon a sturdy-tempered person: will +insult the meek:'--And another given to Miss Biddulph, upon an occasion +you cannot forget:--'If we assume a dignity in what we say and do, and +take care not to disgrace by arrogance our own assumption, every body +will treat us with respect and deference.' + +I remember that you once made an observation, which you said, you was +obliged to Mrs. Norton for, and she to her father, upon an excellent +preacher, who was but an indifferent liver: 'That to excel in theory, +and to excel in practice, generally required different talents; which +did not always meet in the same person.' Do you, my dear (to whom theory +and practice are the same thing in almost every laudable quality), apply +the observation to yourself, in this particular case, where resolution +is required; and where the performance of the will of the defunct is the +question--no more to be dispensed with by you, in whose favour it was +made, than by any body else who have only themselves in view by breaking +through it. + +I know how much you despise riches in the main: but yet it behoves +you to remember, that in one instance you yourself have judged them +valuable--'In that they put it into our power to lay obligations; while +the want of that power puts a person under a necessity of receiving +favours--receiving them perhaps from grudging and narrow spirits, who +know not how to confer them with that grace, which gives the principal +merit to a beneficent action.'--Reflect upon this, my dear, and see how +it agrees with the declaration you have made to your aunt and sister, +that you would not resume your estate, were you to be turned out of +doors, and reduced to indigence and want. Their very fears that you will +resume, point out to you the necessity of resuming upon the treatment +you meet with. + +I own, that (at first reading) I was much affected with your mother's +letter sent with the patterns. A strange measure however from a mother; +for she did not intend to insult you; and I cannot but lament that so +sensible and so fine a woman should stoop to so much art as that letter +is written with: and which also appears in some of the conversations +you have given me an account of. See you not in her passiveness, what +boisterous spirits can obtain from gentler, merely by teasing and +ill-nature? + +I know the pride they have always taken in calling you a +Harlowe--Clarissa Harlowe, so formal and so set, at every word, +when they are grave or proudly solemn.--Your mother has learnt it of +them--and as in marriage, so in will, has been taught to bury her own +superior name and family in theirs. I have often thought that the same +spirit governed them, in this piece of affectation, and others of +the like nature (as Harlowe-Place, and so-forth, though not the elder +brother's or paternal seat), as governed the tyrant Tudor,* who marrying +Elizabeth, the heiress of the house of York, made himself a title to +a throne, which he would not otherwise have had (being but a base +descendant of the Lancaster line); and proved a gloomy and vile +husband to her; for no other cause, than because she had laid him under +obligations which his pride would not permit him to own.--Nor would the +unprincely wretch marry her till he was in possession of the crown, that +he might not be supposed to owe it to her claim. + + + * Henry VII. + + +You have chidden me, and again will, I doubt not, for the liberties I +take with some of your relations. But my dear, need I tell you, that +pride in ourselves must, and for ever will, provoke contempt, and bring +down upon us abasement from others?--Have we not, in the case of a +celebrated bard, observed, that those who aim at more than their due, +will be refused the honours they may justly claim?--I am very much loth +to offend you; yet I cannot help speaking of your relations, as well as +of others, as I think they deserve. Praise or dispraise, is the reward +or punishment which the world confers or inflicts on merit or +demerit; and, for my part, I neither can nor will confound them in the +application. I despise them all, but your mother: indeed I do: and as +for her--but I will spare the good lady for your sake--and one +argument, indeed, I think may be pleaded in her favour, in the present +contention--she who has for so many years, and with such absolute +resignation, borne what she has borne to the sacrifice of her own will, +may think it an easier task than another person can imagine it, for her +daughter to give up hers. But to think to whose instigation all this is +originally owing--God forgive me; but with such usage I should have been +with Lovelace before now! Yet remember, my dear, that the step which +would not be wondered at from such a hasty-tempered creatures as me, +would be inexcusable in such a considerate person as you. + +After your mother has been thus drawn in against her judgment, I am the +less surprised, that your aunt Hervey should go along with her; since +the two sisters never separate. I have inquired into the nature of the +obligation which Mr. Hervey's indifferent conduct in his affairs has +laid him under--it is only, it seems, that your brother has paid off +for him a mortgage upon one part of his estate, which the mortgagee was +about to foreclose; and taken it upon himself. A small favour (as he has +ample security in his hands) from kindred to kindred: but such a one, it +is plain, as has laid the whole family of the Herveys under obligation +to the ungenerous lender, who has treated him, and his aunt too (as +Miss Dolly Hervey has privately complained), with the less ceremony ever +since. + +Must I, my dear, call such a creature your brother?--I believe I +must--Because he is your father's son. There is no harm, I hope, in +saying that. + +I am concerned, that you ever wrote at all to him. It was taking too +much notice of him: it was adding to his self-significance; and a call +upon him to treat you with insolence. A call which you might have been +assured he would not fail to answer. + +But such a pretty master as this, to run riot against such a man as +Lovelace; who had taught him to put his sword into his scabbard, when +he had pulled it out by accident!--These in-door insolents, who, turning +themselves into bugbears, frighten women, children, and servants, are +generally cravens among men. Were he to come fairly across me, and say +to my face some of the free things which I am told he has said of me +behind my back, or that (as by your account) he has said of our sex, I +would take upon myself to ask him two or three questions; although he +were to send me a challenge likewise. + +I repeat, you know that I will speak my mind, and write it too. He is +not my brother. Can you say, he is yours?--So, for your life, if you +are just, you can't be angry with me: For would you side with a false +brother against a true friend? A brother may not be a friend: but a +friend will always be a brother--mind that, as your uncle Tony says! + +I cannot descend so low, as to take very particular notice of the +epistles of these poor souls, whom you call uncles. Yet I love to divert +myself with such grotesque characters too. But I know them and love you; +and so cannot make the jest of them which their absurdities call for. + +You chide me, my dear,* for my freedoms with relations still nearer and +dearer to you, than either uncles or brother or sister. You had better +have permitted me (uncorrected) to have taken my own way. Do not use +those freedoms naturally arise from the subject before us? And from whom +arises that subject, I pray you? Can you for one quarter of an hour +put yourself in my place, or in the place of those who are still more +indifferent to the case than I can be?--If you can--But although I have +you not often at advantage, I will not push you. + + + * See Vol. I. Letter XXVIII. + + +Permit me, however, to subjoin, that well may your father love your +mother, as you say he does. A wife who has no will but his! But were +there not, think you, some struggles between them at first, gout out of +the question?--Your mother, when a maiden, had, as I have heard (and it +is very likely) a good share of those lively spirits which she liked +in your father. She has none of them now. How came they to be +dissipated?--Ah! my dear!--she has been too long resident in +Trophonius's cave, I doubt.* + + + * Spectator, Vol. VIII. No. 599. + + +Let me add one reflection upon this subject, and so entitle myself to +your correction for all at once.--It is upon the conduct of those wives +(for you and I know more than one such) who can suffer themselves to +be out-blustered and out-gloomed of their own wills, instead of being +fooled out of them by acts of tenderness and complaisance.--I wish, +that it does not demonstrate too evidently, that, with some of the +sex, insolent controul is a more efficacious subduer than kindness or +concession. Upon my life, my dear, I have often thought, that many of us +are mere babies in matrimony: perverse fools when too much indulged and +humoured; creeping slaves, when treated harshly. But shall it be said, +that fear makes us more gentle obligers than love?--Forbid it, Honour! +Forbid it, Gratitude! Forbid it, Justice! that any woman of sense should +give occasion to have this said of her! + +Did I think you would have any manner of doubt, from the style or +contents of this letter, whose saucy pen it is that has run on at this +rate, I would write my name at length; since it comes too much from my +heart to disavow it: but at present the initials shall serve; and I will +go on again directly. + +A.H. + + + + +LETTER IV + +MISS HOWE, TO MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE THURSDAY MORN. 10 O'CLOCK (MAR. 23). + + +I will postpone, or perhaps pass by, several observations which I had to +make on other parts of your letters; to acquaint you, that Mr. Hickman, +when in London, found an opportunity to inquire after Mr. Lovelace's +town life and conversation. + +At the Cocoa-tree, in Pall-mall, he fell in with two of his intimates, +the one named Belton, the other Mowbray; both very free of speech, +and probably as free in their lives: but the waiters paid them great +respect, and on Mr. Hickman's inquiry after their characters, called +them men of fortune and honour. + +They began to talk of Mr. Lovelace of their own accord; and upon some +gentlemen in the room asking, when they expected him in town, answered, +that very day. Mr. Hickman (as they both went on praising Lovelace) +said, he had indeed heard, that Mr. Lovelace was a very fine +gentleman--and was proceeding, when one of them, interrupting him, +said,--Only, Sir, the finest gentleman in the world; that's all. + +And so he led them on to expatiate more particularly on his qualities; +which they were very fond of doing: but said not one single word in +behalf of his morals--Mind that also, in your uncle's style. + +Mr. Hickman said, that Mr. Lovelace was very happy, as he understood, in +the esteem of the ladies; and smiling, to make them believe he did not +think amiss of it, that he pushed his good fortune as far as it would +go. + +Well put, Mr. Hickman! thought I; equally grave and sage--thou seemest +not to be a stranger to their dialect, as I suppose this is. But I said +nothing; for I have often tried to find out this might sober man of my +mother's: but hitherto have only to say, that he is either very moral, +or very cunning. + +No doubt of it, replied one of them; and out came an oath, with a Who +would not?--That he did as every young fellow would do. + +Very true! said my mother's puritan--but I hear he is in treaty with a +fine lady-- + +So he was, Mr. Belton said--The devil fetch her! [vile brute!] for +she engrossed all his time--but that the lady's family ought to +be--something--[Mr. Hickman desired to be excused repeating what--though +he had repeated what was worse] and might dearly repent their usage of a +man of his family and merit. + +Perhaps they may think him too wild, cries Hickman: and theirs is, I +hear, a very sober family-- + +SOBER! said one of them: A good honest word, Dick!--Where the devil has +it lain all this time?--D---- me if I have heard of it in this sense +ever since I was at college! and then, said he, we bandied it about +among twenty of us as an obsolete. + +These, my dear, are Mr. Lovelace's companions: you'll be pleased to take +notice of that! + +Mr. Hickman said, this put him out of countenance. + +I stared at him, and with such a meaning in my eyes, as he knew how to +take; and so was out of countenance again. + +Don't you remember, my dear, who it was that told a young gentleman +designed for the gown, who owned that he was apt to be too easily put +out of countenance when he came into free company, 'That it was a bad +sign; that it looked as if his morals were not proof; but that his good +disposition seemed rather the effect of accident and education, than +of such a choice as was founded upon principle?' And don't you know +the lesson the very same young lady gave him, 'To endeavour to stem and +discountenance vice, and to glory in being an advocate in all companies +for virtue;' particularly observing, 'That it was natural for a man to +shun or to give up what he was ashamed of?' Which she should be sorry +to think his case on this occasion: adding, 'That vice was a coward, and +would hide its head, when opposed by such a virtue as had presence of +mind, and a full persuasion of its own rectitude to support it.' The +lady, you may remember, modestly put her doctrine into the mouth of a +worthy preacher, Dr. Lewen, as she used to do, when she has a mind not +to be thought what she is at so early an age; and that it may give more +weight to any thing she hit upon, that might appear tolerable, was her +modest manner of speech. + +Mr. Hickman, upon the whole, professed to me, upon his second recovery, +that he had no reason to think well of Mr. Lovelace's morals, from what +he heard of him in town; yet his two intimates talked of his being more +regular than he used to be. That he had made a very good resolution, +that of old Tom Wharton, was the expression, That he would never give +a challenge, nor refuse one; which they praised in him highly: that, in +short, he was a very brave fellow, and the most agreeable companion in +the world: and would one day make a great figure in his country; since +there was nothing he was not capable of-- + +I am afraid that his last assertion is too true. And this, my dear, is +all that Mr. Hickman could pick up about him: And is it not enough to +determine such a mind as yours, if not already determined? + +Yet it must be said too, that if there be a woman in the world that can +reclaim him, it is you. And, by your account of his behaviour in the +interview between you, I own I have some hope of him. At least, this +I will say, that all the arguments he then used with you, seemed to +be just and right. And if you are to be his--But no more of that: he +cannot, after all, deserve you. + + + + +LETTER V + +MISS HOWE, TO MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE THURSDAY AFTERNOON, MARCH 23. + + +An unexpected visitor has turned the course of my thoughts, and changed +the subject I had intended to pursue. The only one for whom I would have +dispensed with my resolution not to see any body all the dedicated day: +a visiter, whom, according to Mr. Hickman's report from the expectations +of his libertine friends, I supposed to be in town.--Now, my dear, have +I saved myself the trouble of telling you, that it was you too-agreeable +rake. Our sex is said to love to trade in surprises: yet have I, by +my promptitude, surprised myself out of mine. I had intended, you must +know, to run twice the length, before I had suffered you to know so much +as to guess who, and whether man or woman, my visiter was: but since you +have the discovery at so cheap a rate, you are welcome to it. + +The end of his coming was, to engage my interest with my charming +friend; and he was sure that I knew all your mind, to acquaint him what +he had to trust to. + +He mentioned what had passed in the interview between you: but could not +be satisfied with the result of it, and with the little satisfaction he +had obtained from you: the malice of your family to him increasing, and +their cruelty to you not abating. His heart, he told me, was in tumults, +for fear you should be prevailed upon in favour of a man despised by +every body. + +He gave me fresh instance of indignities cast upon himself by your +uncles and brother; and declared, that if you suffered yourself to +be forced into the arms of the man for whose sake he was loaded with +undeserved abuses, you should be one of the youngest, as you would be +one of the loveliest widows in England. And that he would moreover call +your brother to account for the liberties he takes with his character to +every one he meets with. + +He proposed several schemes, for you to choose some one of them, in +order to enable you to avoid the persecutions you labour under: One +I will mention--That you will resume your estate; and if you find +difficulties that can be no otherwise surmounted, that you will, either +avowedly or privately, as he had proposed to you, accept of Lady Betty +Lawrance's or Lord M.'s assistance to instate you in it. He declared, +that if you did, he would leave absolutely to your own pleasure +afterwards, and to the advice which your cousin Morden on his arrival +should give you, whether to encourage his address, or not, as you should +be convinced of the sincerity of the reformation which his enemies make +him so much want. + +I had now a good opportunity to sound him, as you wished Mr. Hickman +would Lord M. as to the continued or diminished favour of the ladies, +and of his Lordship, towards you, upon their being acquainted with the +animosity of your relations to them, as well as to their kinsman. I laid +hold of the opportunity, and he satisfied me, by reading some passages +of a letter he had about him, from Lord M. That an alliance with +you, and that on the foot of your own single merit, would be the most +desirable event to them that could happen: and so far to the purpose of +your wished inquiry does his Lordship go in this letter, that he assures +him, that whatever you suffer in fortune from the violence of your +relations on his account, he and Lady Sarah and Lady Betty will join to +make it up to him. And yet that the reputation of a family so splendid, +would, no doubt, in a case of such importance to the honour of both, +make them prefer a general consent. + +I told him, as you yourself I knew had done, that you were extremely +averse to Mr. Solmes; and that, might you be left to your own choice, +it would be the single life. As to himself, I plainly said, That you had +great and just objections to him on the score of his careless morals: +that it was surprising, that men who gave themselves the liberties he +was said to take, should presume to think, that whenever they took it +into their heads to marry, the most virtuous and worthy of the sex +were to fall to their lot. That as to the resumption, it had been very +strongly urged by myself, and would be still further urged; though you +had been hitherto averse to that measure: that your chief reliance and +hopes were upon your cousin Morden; and that to suspend or gain time +till he arrived, was, as I believed, your principal aim. + +I told him, That with regard to the mischief he threatened, neither the +act nor the menace could serve any end but theirs who persecuted you; as +it would give them a pretence for carrying into effect their compulsory +projects; and that with the approbation of all the world; since he must +not think the public would give its voice in favour of a violent young +man, of no extraordinary character as to morals, who should seek to rob +a family of eminence of a child so valuable; and who threatened, if he +could not obtain her in preference to a man chosen by themselves, that +he would avenge himself upon them all by acts of violence. + +I added, That he was very much mistaken, if he thought to intimidate you +by such menaces: for that, though your disposition was all sweetness, +yet I knew not a steadier temper in the world than yours; nor one more +inflexible, (as your friends had found, and would still further find, if +they continued to give occasion for its exertion,) whenever you thought +yourself in the right; and that you were ungenerously dealt with in +matters of too much moment to be indifferent about. Miss Clarissa +Harlowe, Mr. Lovelace, let me tell you, said I, timid as her foresight +and prudence may make her in some cases, where she apprehends dangers to +those she loves, is above fear, in points where her honour, and the true +dignity of her sex, are concerned.--In short, Sir, you must not think to +frighten Miss Clarissa Harlowe into such a mean or unworthy conduct as +only a weak or unsteady mind can be guilty of. + +He was so very far from intending to intimidate you, he said, that he +besought me not to mention one word to you of what had passed between +us: that what he had hinted at, which carried the air of menace, was +owing to the fervour of his spirits, raised by his apprehensions of +losing all hope of you for ever; and on a supposition, that you were to +be actually forced into the arms of a man you hated: that were this to +be the case, he must own, that he should pay very little regard to the +world, or its censures: especially as the menaces of some of your family +now, and their triumph over him afterwards, would both provoke and +warrant all the vengeance he could take. + +He added, that all the countries in the world were alike to him, but on +your account: so that, whatever he should think fit to do, were you lost +to him, he should have noting to apprehend from the laws of this. + +I did not like the determined air he spoke this with: he is certainly +capable of great rashness. + +He palliated a little this fierceness (which by the way I warmly +censured) by saying, That while you remain single, he will bear all the +indignities that shall be cast upon him by your family. But would +you throw yourself, if you were still farther driven, into any other +protection, if not Lord M.'s, or that of the ladies of his family, into +my mother's,* suppose; or would you go to London to private lodgings, +where he would never visit you, unless he had your leave (and from +whence you might make your own terms with your relations); he would be +entirely satisfied; and would, as he had said before, wait the effect of +your cousin's arrival, and your free determination as to his own fate. +Adding, that he knew the family so well, and how much fixed they were +upon their measures, as well as the absolute dependence they had upon +your temper and principles, that he could not but apprehend the worst, +while you remained in their power, and under the influence of their +persuasions and menaces. + + + * Perhaps it will be unnecessary to remind the reader, that + although Mr. Lovelace proposes (as above) to Miss Howe, that + her fair friend should have recourse to the protection of + Mrs. Howe, if farther driven; yet he had artfully taken + care, by means of his agent in the Harlowe family, not only + to inflame the family against her, but to deprive her of + Mrs. Howe's, and of every other protection, being from the + first resolved to reduce her to an absolute dependence upon + himself. See Vol. I. Letter XXXI. + + +We had a great deal of other discourse: but as the reciting of the rest +would be but a repetition of many of the things that passed between you +and him in the interview between you in the wood-house, I refer myself +to your memory on that occasion.* + + + * See Vol. I. Letter XXXVI. + + +And now, my dear, upon the whole, I think it behoves you to make +yourself independent: all then will fall right. This man is a violent +man. I should wish, methinks, that you should not have either him or +Solmes. You will find, if you get out of your brother's and sister's +way, what you can or cannot do, with regard to either. + +If your relations persist in their foolish scheme, I think I will take +his hint, and, at a proper opportunity, sound my mother. Mean time, let +me have your clear opinion of the resumption, which I join with Lovelace +in advising. You can but see how your demand will work. To demand, is +not to litigate. But be your resolution what it will, do not by any +means repeat to them, that you will not assert your right. If they go on +to give you provocation, you may have sufficient reason to change your +mind: and let them expect that you will change it. They have not the +generosity to treat you the better for disclaiming the power they know +you have. That, I think, need not now be told you. I am, my dearest +friend, and ever will be, + +Your most affectionate and faithful ANNA HOWE. + + + + +LETTER VI + +MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWE WEDN. NIGHT, MARCH 22. + + +On the report made by my aunt and sister of my obstinacy, my assembled +relations have taken an unanimous resolution (as Betty tells me it +is) against me. This resolution you will find signified to me in the +inclosed letter from my brother, just now brought me. Be pleased to +return it, when perused. I may have occasion for it, in the altercations +between my relations and me. + + +***** + + +MISS CLARY, + +I am commanded to let you know, that my father and uncles having heard +your aunt Hervey's account of all that has passed between her and you: +having heard from your sister what sort of treatment she has had from +you: having recollected all that has passed between your mother and +you: having weighed all your pleas and proposals: having taken into +consideration their engagements with Mr. Solmes; that gentleman's +patience, and great affection for you; and the little opportunity you +have given yourself to be acquainted either with his merit, or his +proposals: having considered two points more; to wit, the wounded +authority of a father; and Mr. Solmes's continued entreaties (little +as you have deserved regard from him) that you may be freed from a +confinement to which he is desirous to attribute your perverseness to +him [averseness I should have said, but let it go], he being unable to +account otherwise for so strong a one, supposing you told truth to your +mother, when you asserted that your heart was free; and which Mr. Solmes +is willing to believe, though nobody else does--For all these reasons, +it is resolved, that you shall go to your uncle Antony's: and you must +accordingly prepare yourself to do so. You will have but short notice of +the day, for obvious reasons. + +I will honestly tell you the motive for your going: it is a double one; +first, That they may be sure, that you shall not correspond with any +body they do not like (for they find from Mrs. Howe, that, by some means +or other, you do correspond with her daughter; and, through her, perhaps +with somebody else): and next, That you may receive the visits of Mr. +Solmes; which you have thought fit to refuse to do here; by which means +you have deprived yourself of the opportunity of knowing whom and what +you have hitherto refused. + +If after one fortnight's conversation with Mr. Solmes, and after +you have heard what your friends shall further urge in his behalf, +unhardened by clandestine correspondencies, you shall convince them, +that Virgil's amor omnibus idem (for the application of which I refer +you to the Georgic as translated by Dryden) is verified in you, as well +as in the rest of the animal creation; and that you cannot, or will +not forego your prepossession in favour of the moral, the virtuous, +the pious Lovelace, [I would please you if I could!] it will then be +considered, whether to humour you, or to renounce you for ever. + +It is hoped, that as you must go, you will go cheerfully. Your uncle +Antony will make ever thing at his house agreeable to you. But indeed he +won't promise, that he will not, at proper times, draw up the bridge. + +Your visiters, besides Mr. Solmes, will be myself, if you permit me that +honour, Miss Clary; your sister; and, as you behave to Mr. Solmes, your +aunt Hervey, and your uncle Harlowe; and yet the two latter will +hardly come neither, if they think it will be to hear your whining +vocatives.--Betty Barnes will be your attendant: and I must needs tell +you, Miss, that we none of us think the worse of the faithful maid for +your dislike of her: although Betty, who would be glad to oblige you, +laments it as a misfortune. + +Your answer is required, whether you cheerfully consent to go? And your +indulgent mother bids me remind you from her, that a fortnight's visit +from Mr. Solmes, are all that is meant at present. + +I am, as you shall be pleased to deserve, Yours, &c. JAMES HARLOWE, JUN. + + +So here is the master-stroke of my brother's policy! Called upon to +consent to go to my uncle Antony's avowedly to receive Mr. Solmes's +visits!--A chapel! A moated-house!--Deprived of the opportunity of +corresponding with you!--or of any possibility of escape, should +violence be used to compel me to be that odious man's!* + + + * These violent measures, and the obstinate perseverance of + the whole family in them, will be the less wondered at, when + it is considered, that all the time they were but as so many + puppets danced upon Mr. Lovelace's wires, as he boasts, Vol. + I. Letter XXXI. + + +Late as it was when I received this insolent letter, I wrote an answer +to it directly, that it might be ready for the writer's time of rising. +I inclose the rough draught of it. You will see by it how much his vile +hint from the Georgic; and his rude one of my whining vocatives, have +set me up. Besides, as the command to get ready to go to my uncle's is +in the name of my father and uncles, it is but to shew a piece of the +art they accuse me of, to resent the vile hint I have so much reason to +resent in order to palliate my refusal of preparing to go to my uncle's; +which refusal would otherwise be interpreted an act of rebellion by my +brother and sister: for it seems plain to me, that they will work but +half their ends, if they do not deprive me of my father's and uncles' +favour, even although it were possible for me to comply with their own +terms. + + +You might have told me, Brother, in three lines, what the determination +of my friends was; only, that then you would not have had room to +display your pedantry by so detestable an allusion or reference to the +Georgic. Give me leave to tell you, Sir, that if humanity were a branch +of your studies at the university, it has not found a genius in you for +mastering it. Nor is either my sex or myself, though a sister, I see +entitled to the least decency from a brother, who has studied, as it +seems, rather to cultivate the malevolence of his natural temper, +than any tendency which one might have hoped his parentage, if not his +education, might have given him to a tolerable politeness. + +I doubt not, that you will take amiss my freedom: but as you have +deserved it from me, I shall be less and less concerned on that score, +as I see you are more and more intent to shew your wit at the expense of +justice and compassion. + +The time is indeed come that I can no longer bear those contempts and +reflections which a brother, least of all men, is entitled to give. And +let me beg of you one favour, Sir:--It is this, That you will not give +yourself any concern about a husband for me, till I shall have the +forwardness to propose a wife to you. Pardon me, Sir; but I cannot +help thinking, that could I have the art to get my father of my side, I +should have as much right to prescribe for you, as you have for me. + +As to the communication you make me, I must take upon me to say, That +although I will receive, as becomes me, any of my father's commands; +yet, as this signification is made by a brother, who has shewn of late +so much of an unbrotherly animosity to me, (for no reason in the world +that I know if, but that he believes he has, in me, one sister too much +for his interest,) I think myself entitled to conclude, that such a +letter as you have sent me, is all your own: and of course to declare, +that, while I so think it, I will not willingly, nor even without +violence, go to any place, avowedly to receive Mr. Solmes's visits. + +I think myself so much entitled to resent your infamous hint, and this +as well for the sake of my sex, as for my own, that I ought to declare, +as I do, that I will not receive any more of your letters, unless +commanded to do so by an authority I never will dispute; except in a +case where I think my future as well as present happiness concerned: and +were such a case to happen, I am sure my father's harshness will be less +owing to himself than to you; and to the specious absurdities of your +ambitious and selfish schemes.--Very true, Sir! + +One word more, provoked as I am, I will add: That had I been thought as +really obstinate and perverse as of late I am said to be, I should not +have been so disgracefully treated as I have been--Lay your hand upon +your heart, Brother, and say, By whose instigations?--And examine what I +have done to deserve to be made thus unhappy, and to be obliged to style +myself + +Your injured sister, CL. HARLOWE. + + +When, my dear, you have read my answer to my brother's letter, tell me +what you think of me?--It shall go! + + + + +LETTER VII + +MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWE THURSDAY MORNING, MARCH 23. + + +My letter has set them all in tumults: for, it seems, none of them went +home last night; and they all were desired to be present to give +their advice, if I should refuse compliance with a command thought so +reasonable as it seems this is. + +Betty tells me, that at first my father, in a rage, was for coming up +to me himself, and for turning me out of his doors directly. Nor was he +restrained, till it was hinted to him, that that was no doubt my wish, +and would answer all my perverse views. But the result was, that my +brother (having really, as my mother and aunt insisted, taken wrong +measures with me) should write again in a more moderate manner: for +nobody else was permitted or cared to write to such a ready scribbler. +And, I having declared, that I would not receive any more of his +letters, without command from a superior authority, my mother was +to give it hers: and accordingly has done so in the following lines, +written on the superscription of his letter to me: which letter also +follows; together with my reply. + + +CLARY HARLOWE, + +Receive and read this, with the temper that becomes your sex, your +character, your education, and your duty: and return an answer to it, +directed to your brother. + +CHARLOTTE HARLOWE. + + +TO MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE THURSDAY MORNING. + +Once more I write, although imperiously prohibited by a younger sister. +Your mother will have me do so, that you may be destitute of all +defence, if you persist in your pervicacy. Shall I be a pedant, Miss, +for this word? She is willing to indulge in you the least appearance of +that delicacy for which she once, as well as every body else, admired +you--before you knew Lovelace; I cannot, however, help saying that: and +she, and your aunt Hervey, will have it--[they would fain favour you, +if they could] that I may have provoked from you the answer they +nevertheless own to be so exceedingly unbecoming. I am now learning, you +see, to take up the softer language, where you have laid it down. This +then is the case: + +They entreat, they pray, they beg, they supplicate (will either of +these do, Miss Clary?) that you will make no scruple to go to your uncle +Antony's: and fairly I am to tell you, for the very purpose mentioned +in my last--or, 'tis presumable, they need not entreat, beg, pray, +supplicate. Thus much is promised to Mr. Solmes, who is your advocate, +and very uneasy that you should be under constraint, supposing that your +dislike to him arises from that. And, if he finds that you are not to be +moved in his favour, when you are absolutely freed from what you call +a controul, he will forbear thinking of you, whatever it costs him. +He loves you too well: and in this, I really think, his understanding, +which you have reflected upon, is to be questioned. + +Only for one fornight [sic], therefore, permit his visits. Your +education (you tell me of mine, you know) ought to make you incapable +of rudeness to any body. He will not, I hope, be the first man, myself +excepted, whom you ever treated rudely, purely because he is esteemed +by us all. I am, what you have a mind to make me, friend, brother, +or servant--I wish I could be still more polite, to so polite, to so +delicate, a sister. + +JA. HARLOWE. + +You must still write to me, if you condescend to reply. Your mother +will not be permitted to be disturbed with your nothing-meaning +vocatives!--Vocatives, once more, Madam Clary, repeats the pedant your +brother! + + +***** + + +TO JAMES HARLOWE, JUNIOR, ESQ. + +Permit me, my ever-dear and honoured Papa and Mamma, in this manner to +surprise you into an audience, (presuming this will be read to you,) +since I am denied the honour of writing to you directly. Let me beg of +you to believe, that nothing but the most unconquerable dislike +could make me stand against your pleasure. What are riches, what are +settlements, to happiness? Let me not thus cruelly be given up to a man +my very soul is averse to. Permit me to repeat, that I cannot honestly +be his. Had I a slighter notion of the matrimonial duty than I have, +perhaps I might. But when I am to bear all the misery, and that for +life; when my heart is less concerned in this matter, than my soul; +my temporary, perhaps, than my future good; why should I be denied the +liberty of refusing? That liberty is all I ask. + +It were easy for me to give way to hear Mr. Solmes talk for the +mentioned fortnight, although it is impossible for me, say what he +would, to get over my dislike to him. But the moated-house, the chapel +there, and the little mercy my brother and sister, who are to be there, +have hitherto shewn me, are what I am extremely apprehensive of. And why +does my brother say, my restraint is to be taken off, (and that too +at Mr. Solmes's desire,) when I am to be a still closer prisoner than +before; the bridge threatened to be drawn up; and no dear papa and mamma +near me, to appeal to, in the last resort? + +Transfer not, I beseech you, to a brother and sister your own authority +over your child--to a brother and sister, who treat me with unkindness +and reproach; and, as I have too much reason to apprehend, misrepresent +my words and behaviour; or, greatly favoured as I used to be, it is +impossible I should be sunk so low in your opinions, as I unhappily am! + +Let but this my hard, my disgraceful confinement be put an end to. +Permit me, my dear Mamma, to pursue my needleworks in your presence, +as one of your maidens; and you shall be witness, that it is not either +wilfulness or prepossession that governs me. Let me not, however, be put +out of your own house. Let Mr. Solmes come and go, as my papa pleases: +let me but stay or retire when he comes, as I can; and leave the rest to +Providence. + +Forgive me, Brother, that thus, with an appearance of art, I address +myself to my father and mother, to whom I am forbidden to approach, +or to write. Hard it is to be reduced to such a contrivance! Forgive +likewise the plain dealing I have used in the above, with the nobleness +of a gentleman, and the gentleness due from a brother to a sister. +Although of late you have given me but little room to hope either for +your favour or compassion; yet, having not deserved to forfeit either, I +presume to claim both: for I am confident it is at present much in your +power, although but my brother (my honoured parents both, I bless God, +in being), to give peace to the greatly disturbed mind of + +Your unhappy sister, CL. HARLOWE. + + +Betty tells me, my brother has taken my letter all in pieces; and has +undertaken to write such an answer to it, as shall confirm the wavering. +So, it is plain, that I should have moved somebody by it, but for this +hard-hearted brother--God forgive him! + + + + +LETTER VIII + +MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWE THURSDAY NIGHT, MARCH 23. + + +I send you the boasted confutation-letter, just now put into my +hands. My brother and sister, my uncle Antony and Mr. Solmes, are, +I understand, exulting over the copy of it below, as an unanswerable +performance. + + +TO MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE + +Once again, my inflexible Sister, I write to you. It is to let you know, +that the pretty piece of art you found out to make me the vehicle +of your whining pathetics to your father and mother, has not had the +expected effect. + +I do assure you, that your behaviour has not been misrepresented--nor +need it. Your mother, who is solicitous to take all opportunities of +putting the most favourable constructions upon all you do, has been +forced, as you well know, to give you up, upon full trial. No need then +of the expedient of pursuing your needleworks in her sight. She cannot +bear your whining pranks: and it is for her sake, that you are not +permitted to come into her presence--nor will be, but upon her own +terms. + +You had like to have made a simpleton of your aunt Hervey yesterday: +she came down from you, pleading in your favour. But when she was asked, +What concession she had brought you to? she looked about her, and knew +not what to answer. So your mother, when surprised into the beginning +of your cunning address to her and to your father, under my name, (for +I had begun to read it, little suspecting such an ingenious +subterfuge,)and would then make me read it through, wrung her hands, Oh! +her dear child, her dear child, must not be so compelled!--But when she +was asked, Whether she would be willing to have for her son-in-law the +man who bids defiance to her whole family; and who had like to have +murdered her son? And what concession she had gained from her dear child +to merit this tenderness? And that for one who had apparently deceived +her in assuring her that her heart was free?--Then could she look +about her, as her sister had done before: then was she again brought to +herself, and to a resolution to assert her authority [not to transfer +it, witty presumer!] over the rebel, who of late has so ungratefully +struggled to throw it off. + +You seem, child, to have a high notion of the matrimonial duty; and I'll +warrant, like the rest of your sex, (one or two, whom I have the honour +to know, excepted,) that you will go to church to promise what you will +never think of afterwards. But, sweet child! as your worthy Mamma Norton +calls you, think a little less of the matrimonial, (at least, till you +come into that state,) and a little more of the filial duty. + +How can you say, you are to bear all the misery, when you give so large +a share of it to your parents, to your uncles, to your aunt, to myself, +and to your sister; who all, for eighteen years of your life, loved you +so well? + +If of late I have not given you room to hope for my favour or +compassion, it is because of late you have not deserved either. I know +what you mean, little reflecting fool, by saying, it is much in my +power, although but your brother, (a very slight degree of relationship +with you,) to give you that peace which you can give yourself whenever +you please. + +The liberty of refusing, pretty Miss, is denied you, because we are all +sensible, that the liberty of choosing, to every one's dislike, must +follow. The vile wretch you have set your heart upon speaks this plainly +to every body, though you won't. He says you are his, and shall be his, +and he will be the death of any man who robs him of his PROPERTY. So, +Miss, we have a mind to try this point with him. My father, supposing he +has the right of a father in his child, is absolutely determined not to +be bullied out of that right. And what must that child be, who prefers +the rake to a father? + +This is the light in which this whole debate ought to be taken. Blush, +then, Delicacy, that cannot bear the poet's amor omnibus idem!--Blush, +then, Purity! Be ashamed, Virgin Modesty! And, if capable of conviction, +surrender your whole will to the will of the honoured pair, to whom you +owe your being: and beg of all your friends to forgive and forget the +part you have of late acted. + +I have written a longer letter than ever I designed to write to you, +after the insolent treatment and prohibition you have given me: and, +now I am commissioned to tell you, that your friends are as weary of +confining you, as you are of being confined. And therefore you must +prepare yourself to go in a very few days, as you have been told before, +to your uncle Antony's; who, notwithstanding you apprehensions, will +draw up his bridge when he pleases; will see what company he pleases +in his own house; nor will he demolish his chapel to cure you of your +foolish late-commenced antipathy to a place of divine worship.--The more +foolish, as, if we intended to use force, we could have the ceremony +pass in your chamber, as well as any where else. + +Prejudice against Mr. Solmes has evidently blinded you, and there is a +charitable necessity to open your eyes: since no one but you thinks +the gentleman so contemptible in his person; nor, for a plain country +gentleman, who has too much solid sense to appear like a coxcomb, justly +blamable in his manners.--And as to his temper, it is necessary you +should speak upon fuller knowledge, than at present it is plain you can +have of him. + +Upon the whole, it will not be amiss, that you prepare for your speedy +removal, as well for the sake of your own conveniency, as to shew your +readiness, in one point, at least, to oblige your friends; one of whom +you may, if you please to deserve it, reckon, though but a brother, + +JAMES HARLOWE. + +P.S. If you are disposed to see Mr. Solmes, and to make some excuses +to him for past conduct, in order to be able to meet him somewhere else +with the less concern to yourself for your freedoms with him, he shall +attend you where you please. + +If you have a mind to read the settlements, before they are read to you +for your signing, they shall be sent you up--Who knows, but they will +help you to some fresh objections?--Your heart is free, you know--It +must--For, did you not tell your mother it was? And will the pious +Clarissa fib to her mamma? + +I desire no reply. The case requires none. Yet I will ask you, Have you, +Miss, no more proposals to make? + + +***** + + +I was so vexed when I came to the end of this letter, (the postscript to +which, perhaps, might be written after the others had seen the letter,) +that I took up my pen, with an intent to write to my uncle Harlowe about +resuming my own estate, in pursuance of your advice. But my heart failed +me, when I recollected, that I had not one friend to stand by or +support me in my claim; and it would but the more incense them, without +answering any good end. Oh! that my cousin were but come! + +Is it not a sad thing, beloved as I thought myself so lately by every +one, that now I have not one person in the world to plead for me, to +stand by me, or who would afford me refuge, were I to be under the +necessity of asking for it!--I who had the vanity to think I had as +many friends as I saw faces, and flattered myself too, that it was not +altogether unmerited, because I saw not my Maker's image, either in man, +woman, or child, high or low, rich or poor, whom, comparatively, I +loved not as myself.--Would to heaven, my dear, that you were married! +Perhaps, then, you could have induced Mr. Hickman to afford me +protection, till these storms were over-blown. But then this might have +involved him in difficulties and dangers; and that I would not have done +for the world. + +I don't know what to do, not I!--God forgive me, but I am very +impatient! I wish--But I don't know what to wish, without a sin!--Yet I +wish it would please God to take me to his mercy!--I can meet with none +here--What a world is this!--What is there in it desirable? The good we +hope for, so strangely mixed, that one knows not what to wish for! And +one half of mankind tormenting the other, and being tormented themselves +in tormenting!--For here is this my particular case, my relations cannot +be happy, though they make me unhappy!--Except my brother and sister, +indeed--and they seem to take delight in and enjoy the mischief they +make. + +But it is time to lay down my pen, since my ink runs nothing but gall. + + + + +LETTER IX + +MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWE FRIDAY MORNING, SIX O'CLOCK + +Mrs. Betty tells me, there is now nothing talked of but of my going +to my uncle Antony's. She has been ordered, she says, to get ready to +attend me thither: and, upon my expressing my averseness to go, had the +confidence to say, That having heard me often praise the romanticness +of the place, she was astonished (her hands and eyes lifted up) that I +should set myself against going to a house so much in my taste. + +I asked if this was her own insolence, or her young mistress's +observation? + +She half-astonished me by her answer: That it was hard she could not say +a good thing, without being robbed of the merit of it. + +As the wench looked as if she really thought she had said a good thing, +without knowing the boldness of it, I let it pass. But, to say the +truth, this creature has surprised me on many occasions with her +smartness: for, since she has been employed in this controuling office, +I have discovered a great deal of wit in her assurance, which I never +suspected before. This shews, that insolence is her talent: and that +Fortune, in placing her as a servant to my sister, had not done so +kindly by her as Nature; for that she would make a better figure as her +companion. And indeed I can't help thinking sometimes, that I myself was +better fitted by Nature to be the servant of both, than the mistress of +the one, or the servant of the other. And within these few months past, +Fortune has acted by me, as if she were of the same mind. + + +FRIDAY, TEN O'CLOCK + +Going down to my poultry-yard, just now, I heard my brother and sister +and that Solmes laughing and triumphing together. The high yew-hedge +between us, which divides the yard from the garden, hindered them from +seeing me. + +My brother, as I found, has been reading part, or the whole perhaps, of +the copy of his last letter--Mighty prudent, and consistent, you'll say, +with their views to make me the wife of a man from whom they conceal +not what, were I to be such, it would be kind in them to endeavour to +conceal, out of regard to my future peace!--But I have no doubt, that +they hate me heartily. + +Indeed, you was up with her there, brother, said my sister. You need not +have bid her not to write to you. I'll engage, with all her wit, she'll +never pretend to answer it. + +Why, indeed, said my brother, with an air of college-sufficiency, with +which he abounds, (for he thinks nobody writes like himself,) I believe +I have given her a choke-pear. What say you, Mr. Solmes? + +Why, Sir, said he, I think it is unanswerable. But will it not +exasperate he more against me? + +Never fear, Mr. Solmes, said my brother, but we'll carry our point, if +she do not tire you out first. We have gone too far in this method to +recede. Her cousin Morden will soon be here: so all must be over before +that time, or she'll be made independent of us all. + +There, Miss Howe, is the reason given for their jehu-driving. + +Mr. Solmes declared, that he was determined to persevere while my +brother gave him any hopes, and while my father stood firm. + +My sister told my brother, that he hit me charmingly on the reason why +I ought to converse with Mr. Solmes: but that he should not be so smart +upon the sex, for the faults of this perverse girl. + +Some lively, and, I suppose, witty answer, my brother returned; for he +and Mr. Solmes laughed outrageously upon it, and Bella, laughing too, +called him a naughty man: but I heard no more of what they said; they +walked on into the garden. + +If you think, my dear, that what I have related did not again fire me, +you will find yourself mistaken when you read at this place the enclosed +copy of my letter to my brother; struck off while the iron was red hot. + +No more call me meek and gentle, I beseech you. + + +TO MR. JAMES HARLOWE + +FRIDAY MORNING. + +SIR, + +If, notwithstanding your prohibition, I should be silent, on occasion of +your last, you would, perhaps, conclude, that I was consenting to go to +my uncle Antony's upon the condition you mention. My father must do as +he pleases with his child. He may turn me out of his doors, if he thinks +fit, or give you leave to do it; but (loth as I am to say it) I should +think it very hard to be carried by force to any body's house, when I +have one of my own to go to. + +Far be it from me, notwithstanding yours and my sister's provocations, +to think of my taking my estate into my own hands, without my father's +leave: But why, if I must not stay any longer here, may I not be +permitted to go thither? I will engage to see nobody they would not have +me see, if this favour be permitted. Favour I call it, and am ready to +receive and acknowledge it as such, although my grandfather's will has +made it a matter of right. + +You ask me, in a very unbrotherly manner, in the postscript to your +letter, if I have not some new proposals to make? I HAVE (since you put +the question) three or four; new ones all, I think; though I will be +bold to say, that, submitting the case to any one person whom you have +not set against me, my old ones ought not to have been rejected. I think +this; why then should I not write it?--Nor have you any more reason to +storm at your sister for telling it you, (since you seem in your letter +to make it your boast how you turned my mother and my aunt Hervey +against me,) than I have to be angry with my brother, for treating me as +no brother ought to treat a sister. + +These, then, are my new proposals. + +That, as above, I may not be hindered from going to reside (under such +conditions as shall be prescribed to me, which I will most religiously +observe) at my grandfather's late house. I will not again in this place +call it mine. I have reason to think it a great misfortune that ever it +was so--indeed I have. + +If this be not permitted, I desire leave to go for a month, or for what +time shall be thought fit, to Miss Howe's. I dare say my mother will +consent to it, if I have my father's permission to go. + +If this, neither, be allowed, and I am to be turned out of my father's +house, I beg I may be suffered to go to my aunt Hervey's, where I will +inviolably observe her commands, and those of my father and mother. + +But if this, neither, is to be granted, it is my humble request, that I +may be sent to my uncle Harlowe's, instead of my uncle Antony's. I mean +not by this any disrespect to my uncle Antony: but his moat, with his +bridge threatened to be drawn up, and perhaps the chapel there, terrify +me beyond expression, notwithstanding your witty ridicule upon me for +that apprehension. + +If this likewise be refused, and if I must be carried to the +moated-house, which used to be a delightful one to me, let it be +promised me, that I shall not be compelled to receive Mr. Solmes's +visits there; and then I will as cheerfully go, as ever I did. + +So here, Sir, are your new proposals. And if none of them answer +your end, as each of them tends to the exclusion of that ungenerous +persister's visits, be pleased to know, that there is no misfortune I +will not submit to, rather than yield to give my hand to the man to whom +I can allow no share in my heart. + +If I write in a style different from my usual, and different from what +I wished to have occasion to write, an impartial person, who knew what I +have accidentally, within this hour past, heard from your mouth, and my +sister's, and a third person's, (particularly the reason you give +for driving on at this violent rate, to wit, my cousin Morden's +soon-expected arrival,) would think I have but too much reason for it. +Then be pleased to remember, Sir, that when my whining vocatives have +subjected me to so much scorn and ridicule, it is time, were it but to +imitate examples so excellent as you and my sister set me, that I should +endeavour to assert my character, in order to be thought less an alien, +and nearer of kin to you both, than either of you have of late seemed to +suppose me. + +Give me leave, in order to empty my female quiver at once, to add, that +I know no other reason which you can have for forbidding me to reply to +you, after you have written what you pleased to me, than that you are +conscious you cannot answer to reason and to justice the treatment you +have given me. + +If it be otherwise, I, an unlearned, an unlogical girl, younger by near +a third than yourself, will venture (so assured am I of the justice of +my cause) to put my fate upon an issue with you: with you, Sir, who have +had the advantage of an academical education; whose mind must have been +strengthened by observation, and learned conversation, and who, pardon +my going so low, have been accustomed to give choke-pears to those you +vouchsafe to write against. + +Any impartial person, your late tutor, for instance, or the pious and +worthy Dr. Lewen, may be judge between us: and if either give it against +me, I will promise to resign to my destiny: provided, if it be given +against you, that my father will be pleased only to allow of my negative +to the person so violently sought to be imposed upon me. + +I flatter myself, Brother, that you will the readier come into this +proposal, as you seem to have a high opinion of your talents for +argumentation; and not a low one of the cogency of the arguments +contained in your last letter. And if I can possibly have no advantage +in a contention with you, if the justice of my cause affords me not any +(as you have no opinion it will,) it behoves you, methinks, to shew to +an impartial moderator that I am wrong, and you not so. + +If this be accepted, there is a necessity for its being carried on +by the pen; the facts being stated, and agreed upon by both; and the +decision to be given, according to the force of the arguments each shall +produce in support of their side of the question: for give me leave +to say, I know too well the manliness of your temper, to offer at a +personal debate with you. + +If it be not accepted, I shall conclude, that you cannot defend your +conduct towards me; and shall only beg of you, that, for the future, you +will treat me with the respect due to a sister from a brother who would +be thought as polite as learned. + +And now, Sir, if I have seemed to shew some spirit, not foreign to the +relation I have the honour to be to you, and to my sister; and which may +be deemed not altogether of a piece with that part of my character which +once, it seems, gained me every one's love; be pleased to consider to +whom, and to what it is owing; and that this part of that character was +not dispensed with, till it subjected me to that scorn, and to those +insults, which a brother, who has been so tenacious of an independence +voluntarily given up by me, and who has appeared so exalted upon it, +ought not to have shewn to any body, much less to a weak and defenceless +sister; who is, notwithstanding, an affectionate and respectful one, and +would be glad to shew herself to be so upon all future occasions; as she +has in every action of her past life, although of late she has met with +such unkind returns. + +CL. HARLOWE + + +***** + + +See, my dear, the force, and volubility, as I may say, of passion; for +the letter I send you is my first draught, struck off without a blot or +erasure. + + +***** + + +FRIDAY, THREE O'CLOCK + +As soon as I had transcribed it, I sent it down to my brother by Mrs. +Betty. + +The wench came up soon after, all aghast, with a Laud, Miss! What have +you done?--What have you written? For you have set them all in a joyful +uproar! + + +***** + + +My sister is but this moment gone from me. She came up all in a flame; +which obliged me abruptly to lay down my pen: she ran to me-- + +O Spirit! said she; tapping my neck a little too hard. And is it come to +this at last--! + +Do you beat me, Bella? + +Do you call this beating you? only tapping you shoulder thus, said +she; tapping again more gently--This is what we expected it would come +to--You want to be independent--My father has lived too long for you--! + +I was going to speak with vehemence; but she put her handkerchief +before my mouth, very rudely--You have done enough with your pen, mean +listener, as you are!--But know that neither your independent scheme, +nor any of your visiting ones, will be granted you. Take your course, +perverse one! Call in your rake to help you to an independence upon +your parents, and a dependence upon him!--Do so!--Prepare this +moment--resolve what you will take with you--to-morrow you go--depend +upon it to-morrow you go!--No longer shall you stay here, watching +and creeping about to hearken to what people say--'Tis determined, +child!--You go to-morrow--my brother would have come up to tell you so; +but I persuaded him to the contrary--for I know not what had become +of you, if he had--Such a letter! such an insolent, such a +conceited challenger!--O thou vain creature! But prepare yourself, I +say--to-morrow you go--my brother will accept of your bold challenge; +but it must be personal; and at my uncle Antony's--or perhaps at Mr. +Solmes's-- + +Thus she ran on, almost foaming with passion; till, quite out of +patience, I said, No more of your violence, Bella--Had I known in what +way you designed to come up, you should not have found my chamber-door +open--talk to your servant in this manner. Unlike you, as I bless God I +am, I am nevertheless your sister--and let me tell you, that I won't go +to-morrow, nor next day, nor next day to that--except I am dragged away +by violence. + +What! not if your father or mother command it--Girl? said she, intending +another word, by her pause and manner before it came out. + +Let it come to that, Bella; then I shall know what to say. But it shall +be from their own mouths, if I do--not from yours, nor you Betty's--And +say another word to me, in this manner, and be the consequence what it +may, I will force myself into their presence; and demand what I have +done to be used thus! + +Come along, Child! Come along, Meekness--taking my hand, and leading me +towards the door--Demand it of them now--you'll find both your despised +parents together!--What! does your heart fail you?--for I resisted, +being thus insolently offered to be led, and pulled my hand from her. + +I want not to be led, said I; and since I can plead your invitation, I +will go: and was posting to the stairs accordingly in my passion--but +she got between me and the door, and shut it-- + +Let me first, Bold one, said she, apprize them of your visit--for your +own sake let me--for my brother is with them. But yet opening it again, +seeing me shrink back--Go, if you will!--Why don't you go?--Why don't +you go, Miss?--following me to my closet, whither I retired, with my +heart full, and pulled the sash-door after me; and could no longer hold +in my tears. + +Nor would I answer one word to her repeated aggravations, nor to her +demands upon me to open my door (for the key was on the inside); nor so +much as turn my head towards her, as she looked through the glass at me. +And at last, which vexed her to the heart, I drew the silk curtain, that +she should not see me, and down she went muttering all the way. + +Is not this usage enough to provoke a rashness never before thought of? + +As it is but too probable that I may be hurried away to my uncle's +without being able to give you previous notice of it; I beg that as soon +as you shall hear of such a violence, you would send to the usual place, +to take back such of your letters as may not have reached my hands, or +to fetch any of mine that may be there. + +May you, my dear, be always happy, prays you CLARISSA HARLOWE. + +I have received your four letters. But am in such a ferment, that I +cannot at present write to them. + + + + +LETTER X + +MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWE FRIDAY NIGHT, MARCH 24. + + +I have a most provoking letter from my sister. I might have supposed she +would resent the contempt she brought upon herself in my chamber. Her +conduct surely can only be accounted for by the rage instigate by a +supposed rivalry. + + +TO MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE + +I am to tell you, that your mother has begged you off for the morrow: +but that you have effectually done your business with her, as well as +with every body else. + +In your proposals and letter to your brother, you have shewn yourself so +silly, and so wise; so young, and so old; so gentle, and so obstinate; +so meek, and so violent; that never was there so mixed a character. + +We all know of whom you have borrowed this new spirit. And yet the seeds +of it must be in your heart, or it could not all at once shew itself so +rampant. It would be doing Mr. Solmes a spite to wish him such a shy, +un-shy girl; another of your contradictory qualities--I leave you to +make out what I mean by it. + +Here, Miss, your mother will not let you remain: she cannot have any +peace of mind while such a rebel of a child is so near her. Your aunt +Hervey will not take a charge which all the family put together cannot +manage. Your uncle Harlowe will not see you at his house, till you are +married. So, thanks to your own stubbornness, you have nobody that will +receive you but your uncle Antony. Thither you must go in a very +few days; and, when there, your brother will settle with you, in my +presence, all that relates to your modest challenge; for it is accepted, +I assure you. Dr. Lewen will possibly be there, since you make choice of +him. Another gentleman likewise, were it but to convince you, that he is +another sort of man than you have taken him to be. Your two uncles +will possibly be there too, to see that the poor, weak, and defenceless +sister has fair play. So, you see, Miss, what company your smart +challenge will draw together. + +Prepare for the day. You'll soon be called upon. Adieu, Mamma Norton's +sweet child! + +ARAB. HARLOWE. + + +***** + + +I transcribed this letter, and sent it to my mother, with these lines: + + +A very few words, my ever-honoured Mamma! + +If my sister wrote the enclosed by my father's direction, or yours, I +must submit to the usage she gave me in it, with this only observation, +That it is short of the personal treatment I have received from her. +If it be of her own head--why then, Madam--But I knew that when I was +banished from your presence--Yet, till I know if she has or has not +authority for this usage, I will only write further, that I am + +Your very unhappy child, CL. HARLOWE. + + +***** + + +This answer I received in an open slip of paper; but it was wet in one +place. I kissed the place; for I am sure it was blistered, as I may +say, by a mother's tear!--She must (I hope she must) have written it +reluctantly. + + +To apply for protection, where authority is defied, is bold. Your +sister, who would not in your circumstances have been guilty of your +perverseness, may allowably be angry at you for it. However, we have +told her to moderate her zeal for our insulted authority. See, if you +can deserve another behaviour, than that you complain of: which cannot, +however be so grievous to you, as the cause of it is to + +Your more unhappy Mother. + +How often must I forbid you any address to me! + + +***** + + +Give me, my dearest Miss Howe, your opinion, what I can, what I ought +to do. Not what you would do (pushed as I am pushed) in resentment or +passion--since, so instigated, you tell me, that you should have been +with somebody before now--and steps taken in passion hardly ever fail +of giving cause for repentance: but acquaint me with what you think +cool judgment, and after-reflection, whatever were to be the event, will +justify. + +I doubt not your sympathizing love: but yet you cannot possibly feel +indignity and persecution so very sensibly as the immediate sufferer +feels them--are fitter therefore to advise me, than I am myself. + +I will here rest my cause. Have I, or have I not, suffered or borne +enough? And if they will still persevere; if that strange persister +against an antipathy so strongly avowed, will still persist; say, What +can I do?--What course pursue?--Shall I fly to London, and endeavour to +hide myself from Lovelace, as well as from all my own relations, till +my cousin Morden arrives? Or shall I embark for Leghorn in my way to my +cousin? Yet, my sex, my youth, considered, how full of danger is this +last measure!--And may not my cousin be set out for England, while I +am getting thither?--What can I do?--Tell me, tell me, my dearest Miss +Howe, [for I dare not trust myself,] tell me, what I can do. + +ELEVEN O'CLOCK AT NIGHT. + +I have been forced to try to compose my angry passions at my +harpsichord; having first shut close my doors and windows, that I might +not be heard below. As I was closing the shutters of the windows, the +distant whooting of the bird of Minerva, as from the often-visited +woodhouse, gave the subject in that charming Ode to Wisdom, which does +honour to our sex, as it was written by one of it. I made an essay, a +week ago, to set the three last stanzas of it, as not unsuitable to my +unhappy situation; and after I had re-perused the Ode, those were +my lesson; and, I am sure, in the solemn address they contain to the +All-Wise and All-powerful Deity, my heart went with my fingers. + +I enclose the Ode, and my effort with it. The subject is solemn; my +circumstances are affecting; and I flatter myself, that I have not been +quite unhappy in the performance. If it obtain your approbation, I shall +be out of doubt, and should be still more assured, could I hear it tried +by your voice and finger. + + + +ODE TO WISDOM BY A LADY + + + I. + The solitary bird of night + Thro' thick shades now wings his flight, + And quits his time-shook tow'r; + Where, shelter'd from the blaze of day, + In philosophic gloom he lay, + Beneath his ivy bow'r. + + II. + With joy I hear the solemn sound, + Which midnight echoes waft around, + And sighing gales repeat. + Fav'rite of Pallas! I attend, + And, faithful to thy summons, bend + At Wisdom's awful seat. + + III. + She loves the cool, the silent eve, + Where no false shows of life deceive, + Beneath the lunar ray. + Here folly drops each vain disguise; + Nor sport her gaily colour'd dyes, + As in the beam of day. + + IV. + O Pallas! queen of ev'ry art, + That glads the sense, and mends the heart, + Blest source of purer joys! + In ev'ry form of beauty bright, + That captivates the mental sight + With pleasure and surprise; + + V. + To thy unspotted shrine I bow: + Attend thy modest suppliant's vow, + That breathes no wild desires; + But, taught by thy unerring rules, + To shun the fruitless wish of fools, + To nobler views aspires. + + VI. + Not Fortune's gem, Ambition's plume, + Nor Cytherea's fading bloom, + Be objects of my prayer: + Let av'rice, vanity, and pride, + Those envy'd glitt'ring toys divide, + The dull rewards of care. + + VII. + To me thy better gifts impart, + Each moral beauty of the heart, + By studious thought refin'd; + For wealth, the smile of glad content; + For pow'r, its amplest, best extent, + An empire o'er my mind. + + VIII. + When Fortune drops her gay parade. + When Pleasure's transient roses fade, + And wither in the tomb, + Unchang'd is thy immortal prize; + Thy ever-verdant laurels rise + In undecaying bloom. + + IX. + By thee protected, I defy + The coxcomb's sneer, the stupid lie + Of ignorance and spite: + Alike contemn the leaden fool, + And all the pointed ridicule + Of undiscerning wit. + + X. + From envy, hurry, noise, and strife, + The dull impertinence of life, + In thy retreat I rest: + Pursue thee to the peaceful groves, + Where Plato's sacred spirit roves, + In all thy beauties drest. + + XI. + He bad Ilyssus' tuneful stream + Convey thy philosophic theme + Of perfect, fair, and good: + Attentive Athens caught the sound, + And all her list'ning sons around + In awful silence stood. + + XII. + Reclaim'd her wild licentious youth, + Confess'd the potent voice of Truth, + And felt its just controul. + The Passions ceas'd their loud alarms, + And Virtue's soft persuasive charms + O'er all their senses stole. + + XIII. + Thy breath inspires the Poet's song + The Patriot's free, unbiass'd tongue, + The Hero's gen'rous strife; + Thine are retirement's silent joys, + And all the sweet engaging ties + Of still, domestic life. + + XIV. + No more to fabled names confin'd; + To Thee supreme, all perfect mind, + My thought direct their flight. + Wisdom's thy gift, and all her force + From thee deriv'd, Eternal source + Of Intellectual Light! + + XV. + O send her sure, her steady ray, + To regulate my doubtful way, + Thro' life's perplexing road: + The mists of error to controul, + And thro' its gloom direct my soul + To happiness and good. + + XVI. + Beneath her clear discerning eye + The visionary shadows fly + Of Folly's painted show. + She sees thro' ev'ry fair disguise, + That all but Virtue's solid joys, + Is vanity and woe. + +[Facsimile of the music to "The Ode to Wisdom" (verse 14).] + + + + +LETTER XI + +MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWE FRIDAY MIDNIGHT. + + +I have now a calmer moment. Envy, ambition, high and selfish resentment, +and all the violent passions, are now, most probably, asleep all around +me; and shall now my own angry ones give way to the silent hour, and +subside likewise?--They have given way to it; and I have made use of +the gentler space to re-peruse your last letters. I will touch upon +some passages in them. And that I may the less endanger the but-just +recovered calm, I will begin with what you write about Mr. Hickman. + +Give me leave to say, That I am sorry you cannot yet persuade yourself +to think better, that is to say, more justly, of that gentleman, than +your whimsical picture of him shews you so; or, at least, than the +humourousness of your natural vein would make one think you do. + +I do not imagine, that you yourself will say, he sat for the picture +you have drawn. And yet, upon the whole, it is not greatly to his +disadvantage. Were I at ease in my mind, I would venture to draw a much +more amiable and just likeness. + +If Mr. Hickman has not that assurance which some men have, he has that +humility and gentleness which many want: and which, with the infinite +value he has for you, will make him one of the fittest husbands in the +world for a person of your vivacity and spirit. + +Although you say I would not like him myself, I do assure you, if Mr. +Solmes were such a man as Mr. Hickman, in person, mind, and behaviour, +my friends and I had never disagreed about him, if they would not have +permitted me to live single; Mr. Lovelace (having such a character as +he has) would have stood no chance with me. This I can the more boldly +aver, because I plainly perceive, that of the two passions, love +and fear, this man will be able to inspire one with a much greater +proportion of the latter, than I imagine is compatible with the former, +to make a happy marriage. + +I am glad you own, that you like no one better than Mr. Hickman. In a +little while, I make no doubt, you will be able, if you challenge +your heart upon it, to acknowledge, that you like not any man so well: +especially, when you come to consider, that the very faults you find in +Mr. Hickman, admirably fit him to make you happy: that is to say, if it +be necessary to your happiness, that you should have your own will in +every thing. + +But let me add one thing: and that is this:--You have such a sprightly +turn, that, with your admirable talents, you would make any man in the +world, who loved you, look like a fool, except he were such a one as +Lovelace. + +Forgive me, my dear, for my frankness: and forgive me, also, for so soon +returning to subject so immediately relative to myself, as those I now +must touch upon. + +You again insist (strengthened by Mr. Lovelace's opinion) upon my +assuming my own estate [I cannot call it resuming, having never been +in possession of it]: and I have given you room to expect, that I will +consider this subject more closely than I have done before. I must +however own, that the reasons which I had to offer against taking +your advice were so obvious, that I thought you would have seen +them yourself, and been determined by them, against your own hastier +counsel.--But since this has not been so, and that both you and Mr. +Lovelace call upon me to assume my own estate, I will enter briefly into +the subject. + +In the first place, let me ask you, my dear, supposing I were inclined +to follow your advice, Whom have I to support me in my demand? My uncle +Harlowe is one of my trustees--he is against me. My cousin Morden is the +other--he is in Italy, and very probably may be set against me too. +My brother has declared, that they are resolved to carry their points +before he arrives: so that, as they drive on, all will probably be +decided before I can have an answer from him, were I to write: and, +confined as I am, were the answer to come in time, and they did not like +it, they would keep it from me. + +In the next place, parents have great advantages in every eye over the +child, if she dispute their pleasure in the disposing of her: and so +they ought; since out of twenty instances, perhaps two could not be +produced, when they were not in the right, the child in the wrong. + +You would not, I am sure, have me accept of Mr. Lovelace's offered +assistance in such a claim. If I would embrace any other person's, who +else would care to appear for a child against parents, ever, till of +late, so affectionate?==But were such a protector to be found, what a +length of time would it take up in a course of litigation! The will and +the deeds have flaws in them, they say. My brother sometimes talks +of going to reside at The Grove: I suppose, with a design to make +ejectments necessary, were I to offer at assuming; or, were I to marry +Mr. Lovelace, in order to give him all the opposition and difficulty the +law would help him to give. + +These cases I have put to myself, for argument-sake: but they are +all out of the question, although any body were to be found who would +espouse my cause: for I do assure you, I would sooner beg my bread, than +litigate for my right with my father: since I am convinced, that whether +the parent do his duty by the child or not, the child cannot be excused +from doing hers to him. And to go to law with my father, what a +sound has that! You will see, that I have mentioned my wish (as an +alternative, and as a favour) to be permitted, if I must be put out of +his house, to go thither: but not one step further can I go. And you see +how this is resented. + +Upon the whole, then, what have I to hope for, but a change in my +father's resolution?--And is there any probability of that; such an +ascendancy as my brother and sister have obtained over every body; +and such an interest to pursue the enmity they have now openly avowed +against me? + +As to Mr. Lovelace's approbation of your assumption-scheme, I wonder not +at. He very probably penetrates the difficulties I should have to bring +it to effect, without his assistance. Were I to find myself as free as I +would wish myself to be, perhaps Mr. Lovelace would stand a worse chance +with me than his vanity may permit him to imagine; notwithstanding the +pleasure you take in rallying me on his account. How know you, but +all that appears to be specious and reasonable in his offers; such as, +standing his chance for my favour, after I became independent, as I may +call it [by which I mean no more, than to have the liberty of refusing +for my husband a man whom it hurts me but to think of in that light]; +and such as his not visiting me but by my leave; and till Mr. Morden +come; and till I am satisfied of his reformation;--How know you, I say, +that he gives not himself these airs purely to stand better in your +graces as well as mine, by offering of his own accord conditions which +he must needs think would be insisted on, were the case to happen? + +Then am I utterly displeased with him. To threaten as he threatens; yet +to pretend, that it is not to intimidate me; and to beg of you not to +tell me, when he must know you would, and no doubt intended that you +should, is so meanly artful!--The man must think he has a frightened +fool to deal with.--I, to join hands with such a man of violence! my +own brother the man whom he threatens!--And what has Mr. Solmes done to +him?--Is he to be blamed, if he thinks a person would make a wife worth +having, to endeavour to obtain her?--Oh that my friends would but +leave me to my own way in this one point! For have I given the man +encouragement sufficient to ground these threats upon? Were Mr. Solmes a +man to whom I could but be indifferent, it might be found, that to have +spirit, would very little answer the views of that spirit. It is my +fortune to be treated as a fool by my brother: but Mr. Lovelace shall +find--Yet I will let him know my mind; and then it will come with a +better grace to your knowledge. + +Mean time, give me leave to tell you, that it goes against me, in my +cooler moments, unnatural as my brother is to me, to have you, my dear, +who are my other self, write such very severe reflections upon him, in +relation to the advantage Lovelace had over him. He is not indeed your +brother: but remember, that you write to his sister.--Upon my word, my +dear Miss Howe, you dip your pen in gall whenever you are offended: and +I am almost ready to question, whether I read some of your expressions +against others of my relations as well as him, (although in my favour,) +whether you are so thoroughly warranted to call other people to account +for their warmth. Should we not be particularly careful to keep clear +of the faults we censure?--And yet I am so angry both at my brother and +sister, that I should not have taken this liberty with my dear friend, +notwithstanding I know you never loved them, had you not made so light +of so shocking a transaction where a brother's life was at stake: when +his credit in the eye of the mischievous sex has received a still deeper +wound than he personally sustained; and when a revival of the same +wicked resentments (which may end more fatally) is threatened. + +His credit, I say, in the eye of the mischievous sex: Who is not +warranted to call it so; when it is re (as the two libertines his +companions gloried) to resolve never to give a challenge; and among whom +duelling is so fashionable a part of brutal bravery, that the man of +temper, who is, mostly, I believe, the truly brave man, is often at +a loss so to behave as to avoid incurring either a mortal guilt, or a +general contempt? + +To enlarge a little upon this subject, May we not infer, that those who +would be guilty of throwing these contempts upon a man of temper, who +would rather pass by a verbal injury, than to imbrue his hands in blood, +know not the measure of true magnanimity? nor how much nobler it is to +forgive, and even how much more manly to despise, than to resent, an +injury? Were I a man, methinks, I should have too much scorn for a +person, who could wilfully do me a mean wrong, to put a value upon his +life, equal to what I put upon my own. What an absurdity, because a man +had done me a small injury, that I should put it in his power (at least, +to an equal risque) to do me, and those who love me, an irreparable +one!--Were it not a wilful injury, nor avowed to be so, there could not +be room for resentment. + +How willingly would I run away from myself, and what most concerns +myself, if I could! This digression brings me back again to the occasion +of it--and that to the impatience I was in, when I ended my last +letter, for my situation is not altered. I renew, therefore, my former +earnestness, as the new day approaches, and will bring with it perhaps +new trials, that you will (as undivestedly as possible of favour or +resentment) tell me what you would have me do:--for, if I am obliged to +go to my uncle Antony's, all, I doubt, will be over with me. Yet how to +avoid it--that's the difficulty! + +I shall deposit this the first thing. When you have it, lose no time, I +pray you, to advise (lest it be too late) + +Your ever obliged CL. HARLOWE. + + + + +LETTER XII + +MISS HOWE, TO MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE SATURDAY, MARCH 25. + + +What can I advise you to do, my noble creature? Your merit is your +crime. You can no more change your nature, than your persecutors can +theirs. Your distress is owing to the vast disparity between you and +them. What would you have of them? Do they not act in character?--And to +whom? To an alien. You are not one of them. They have two dependencies +in their hope to move you to compliance.--Upon their impenetrableness +one [I'd give it a more proper name, if I dared]; the other, on the +regard you have always had for your character, [Have they not heretofore +owned as much?] and upon your apprehensions from that of Lovelace, which +would discredit you, should you take any step by his means to extricate +yourself. Then they know, that resentment and unpersuadableness are not +natural to you; and that the anger they have wrought you up to, will +subside, as all extraordinaries soon do; and that once married, you will +make the best of it. + +But surely your father's son and eldest daughter have a view (by +communicating to so narrow a soul all they know of your just aversion to +him) to entail unhappiness for life upon you, were you to have the man +who is already more nearly related to them, than ever he can be to you, +although the shocking compulsion should take place. + +As to that wretch's perseverance, those only, who know not the man, +will wonder at it. He has not the least delicacy. His principal view in +marriage is not to the mind. How shall those beauties be valued, which +cannot be comprehended? Were you to be his, and shew a visible want of +tenderness to him, it is my opinion, he would not be much concerned at +it. I have heard you well observe, from your Mrs. Norton, That a person +who has any over-ruling passion, will compound by giving up twenty +secondary or under-satisfactions, though more laudable ones, in order to +have that gratified. + +I'll give you the substance of a conversation [no fear you can be made +to like him worse than you do already] that passed between Sir Harry +Downeton and this Solmes, but three days ago, as Sir Harry told it but +yesterday to my mother and me. It will confirm to you that what your +sister's insolent Betty reported he should say, of governing by fear, +was not of her own head. + +Sir Harry told her, he wondered he should wish to obtain you so much +against you inclination as every body knew it would be, if he did. + +He matter'd not that, he said: coy maids made the fondest wives: [A +sorry fellow!] It would not at all grieve him to see a pretty woman make +wry faces, if she gave him cause to vex her. And your estate, by the +convenience of its situation, would richly pay him for all he could bear +with your shyness. + +He should be sure, he said, after a while, of your complaisance, if not +of your love: and in that should be happier than nine parts in ten of +his married acquaintance. + +What a wretch is this! + +For the rest, your known virtue would be as great a security to him, as +he could wish for. + +She will look upon you, said Sir Harry, if she be forced to marry you, +as Elizabeth of France did upon Philip II. of Spain, when he received +her on his frontiers as her husband, who was to have been but her +father-in-law: that is, with fear and terror, rather than with +complaisance and love: and you will perhaps be as surly to her, as that +old monarch was to his young bride. + +Fear and terror, the wretch, the horrid wretch! said, looked pretty in +a bride as well as in a wife: and, laughing, [yes, my dear, the hideous +fellow laughed immoderately, as Sir Harry told us, when he said it,] it +should be his care to perpetuate the occasion for that fear, if he could +not think he had the love. And, truly, he was of opinion, that if +LOVE and FEAR must be separated in matrimony, the man who made himself +feared, fared best. + +If my eyes would carry with them the execution which the eyes of the +basilisk are said to do, I would make it my first business to see this +creature. + +My mother, however, says, it would be a prodigious merit in you, if you +could get over your aversion to him. Where, asks she [as you have been +asked before], is the praise-worthiness of obedience, if it be only paid +in instance where we give up nothing? + +What a fatality, that you have no better an option--either a Scylla or a +Charybdis. + +Were it not you, I should know how (barbarously as you are used) to +advise you in a moment. But such a noble character to suffer from a +(supposed) rashness and indiscretion of such a nature, would, as I have +heretofore observed, be a wound to the sex. + +While I was in hope, that the asserting of your own independence would +have helped you, I was pleased that you had one resource, as I thought. +But now, that you have so well proved, that such a step would not avail +you, I am entirely at a loss what to say. + +I will lay down my pen, and think. + + +***** + + +I have considered, and considered again; but, I protest, I know no more +what to say now, than before. Only this: That I am young, like yourself; +and have a much weaker judgment, and stronger passions, than you have. + +I have heretofore said, that you have offered as much as you ought, in +offering to live single. If you were never to marry, the estate they are +so loth should go out of their name, would, in time, I suppose, revert +to your brother: and he or his would have it, perhaps, much more +certainly this way, than by the precarious reversions which Solmes makes +them hope for. Have you put this into their odd heads, my dear?--The +tyrant word AUTHORITY, as they use it, can be the only objection against +this offer. + +One thing you must consider, that, if you leave your parents, your duty +and love will not suffer you to justify yourself by an appeal against +them; and so you'll have the world against you. And should Lovelace +continue his wild life, and behave ungratefully to you, will not his +baseness seem to justify their cruel treatment of you, as well as their +dislike of him? + +May heaven direct you for the best!--I can only say, that for my own +part, I would do any thing, go any where, rather than be compelled to +marry the man I hate; and (were he such a man as Solmes) must always +hate. Nor could I have borne what you have borne, if from father and +uncles, not from brother and sister. + +My mother will have it, that after they have tried their utmost efforts +to bring you into their measures, and find them ineffectual, they will +recede. But I cannot say I am of her mind. She does not own, she has +any authority for this, but her own conjecture. I should otherwise have +hoped, that your uncle Antony and she had been in on one secret, and +that favourable to you. Woe be to one of them at least [to you uncle to +be sure I mean] if they should be in any other! + +You must, if possible, avoid being carried to that uncle's. The man, the +parson, your brother and sister present!--They'll certainly there marry +you to the wretch. Nor will your newly-raised spirit support you in your +resistance on such an occasion. Your meekness will return; and you +will have nothing for it but tears [tears despised by them all] and +ineffectual appeals and lamentations: and these tears when the ceremony +is profaned, you must suddenly dry up; and endeavour to dispose of +yourself to such a humble frame of mind, as may induce your new-made +lord to forgive all your past declarations of aversion. + +In short, my dear, you must then blandish him over with a confession, +that all your past behaviour was maidenly reserve only: and it will be +your part to convince him of the truth of his imprudent sarcasm, that +the coyest maids make the fondest wives. Thus will you enter the state +with a high sense of obligation to his forgiving goodness: and if you +will not be kept to it by that fear, by which he proposes to govern, I +am much mistaken. + +Yet, after all, I must leave the point undetermined, and only to be +determined, as you find they recede from their avowed purpose, or +resolve to remove you to your uncle Antony's. But I must repeat my +wishes, that something may fall out, that neither of these men may call +you his!--And may you live single, my dearest friend, till some man +shall offer, that may be as worthy of you, as man can be! + +But yet, methinks, I would not, that you, who are so admirably qualified +to adorn the married state, should be always single. You know I am +incapable of flattery; and that I always speak and write the sincerest +dictates of my heart. Nor can you, from what you must know of your +own merit (taken only in a comparative light with others) doubt my +sincerity. For why should a person who delight to find out and admire +every thing that is praise-worthy in another, be supposed ignorant of +like perfections in herself, when she could not so much admire them in +another, if she had them not herself? And why may not I give her those +praises, which she would give to any other, who had but half of her +excellencies?--Especially when she is incapable of pride and vain-glory; +and neither despises others for the want of her fine qualities, nor +overvalues herself upon them?--Over-values, did I say!--How can that be? + +Forgive me, my beloved friend. My admiration of you (increased, as it +is, by every letter you write) will not always be held down in silence; +although, in order to avoid offending you, I generally endeavour to keep +it from flowing to my pen, when I write to you, or to my lips, whenever +I have the happiness to be in your company. + +I will add nothing (though I could add a hundred things on account of +your latest communications) but that I am + +Your ever affectionate and faithful ANNA HOWE. + +I hope I have pleased you with my dispatch. I wish I had been able to +please you with my requested advice. + +You have given new beauties to the charming Ode which you have +transmitted to me. What pity that the wretches you have to deal with, +put you out of your admirable course; in the pursuit of which, like the +sun, you was wont to cheer and illuminate all you shone upon! + + + + +LETTER XIII + +MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWE SUNDAY MORNING, MARCH 26. + + +How soothing a thing is praise from those we love!--Whether conscious +or not of deserving it, it cannot but give us great delight, to see +ourselves stand high in the opinion of those whose favour we are +ambitious to cultivate. An ingenuous mind will make this farther use of +it, that if he be sensible that it does not already deserve the charming +attributes, it will hasten (before its friend finds herself mistaken) to +obtain the graces it is complimented for: and this it will do, as well +in honour to itself, as to preserve its friend's opinion, and justify +her judgment. May this be always my aim!--And then you will not only +give the praise, but the merit; and I shall be more worthy of that +friendship, which is the only pleasure I have to boast of. + +Most heartily I thank you for the kind dispatch of your last favour. How +much am I indebted to you! and even to your honest servant!--Under what +obligations does my unhappy situation lay me! + +But let me answer the kind contents of it, as well as I may. + +As to getting over my disgusts to Mr. Solmes, it is impossible to +be done; while he wants generosity, frankness of heart, benevolence, +manners and every qualification that distinguishes the worthy man. O my +dear! what a degree of patience, what a greatness of soul, is required +in the wife, not to despise a husband who is more ignorant, more +illiterate, more low-minded than herself!--The wretch, vested with +prerogatives, who will claim rule in virtue of them (and not to permit +whose claim, will be as disgraceful to the prescribing wife as to the +governed husband); How shall such a husband as this be borne, were he, +for reasons of convenience and interest, even to be our CHOICE? But, +to be compelled to have such a one, and that compulsion to arise from +motives as unworthy of the prescribers as of the prescribed, who can +think of getting over an aversion so justly founded? How much easier to +bear the temporary persecutions I labour under, because temporary, than +to resolve to be such a man's for life? Were I to comply, must I not +leave my relations, and go to him? A month will decide the one, perhaps: +But what a duration of woe will the other be!--Every day, it is likely, +rising to witness to some new breach of an altar-vowed duty! + +Then, my dear, the man seems already to be meditating vengeance against +me for an aversion I cannot help: for yesterday my saucy gaoleress +assured me, that all my oppositions would not signify that pinch of +snuff, holding out her genteel finger and thumb: that I must have Mr. +Solmes: that therefore I had not best carry my jest too far; for that +Mr. Solmes was a man of spirit, and had told HER, that as I should +surely be his, I acted very unpolitely; since, if he had not more mercy +[that was her word, I know not if it were his] than I had, I might have +cause to repent the usage I gave him to the last day of my life. But +enough of this man; who, by what you repeat from Sir Harry Downeton, +has all the insolence of his sex, without any one quality to make that +insolence tolerable. + +I have receive two letters from Mr. Lovelace, since his visit to you; +which make three that I have not answered. I doubt not his being very +uneasy; but in his last he complains in high terms of my silence; not +in the still small voice, or rather style of an humble lover, but in a +style like that which would probably be used by a slighted protector. +And his pride is again touched, that like a thief, or eves-dropper, he +is forced to dodge about in hopes of a letter, and returns five miles +(and then to an inconvenient lodging) without any. + +His letters and the copy of mine to him, shall soon attend you. Till +when, I will give you the substance of what I wrote him yesterday. + +I take him severely to task for his freedom in threatening me, through +you, with a visit to Mr. Solmes, or to my brother. I say, 'That, surely, +I must be thought to be a creature fit to bear any thing; that violence +and menaces from some of my own family are not enough for me to bear, in +order to make me avoid him; but that I must have them from him too, if +I oblige those to whom it is both my inclination and duty to oblige in +every thing that is reasonable, and in my power. + +'Very extraordinary, I tell him, that a violent spirit shall threaten to +do a rash and unjustifiable thing, which concerns me but a little, and +himself a great deal, if I do not something as rash, my character and +sex considered, to divert him from it. + +'I even hint, that, however it would affect me, were any mischief to +happen on my own account, yet there are persons, as far as I know, who +in my case would not think there would be reason for much regret, were +such a committed rashness as he threatens Mr. Solmes with, to rid her of +two persons whom, had she never known, she had never been unhappy.' + +This is plain-dealing, my dear: and I suppose he will put it into still +plainer English for me. + +I take his pride to task, on his disdaining to watch for my letters; and +for his eves-dropping language: and say, 'That, surely, he has the less +reason to think so hardly of his situation; since his faulty morals +are the cause of all; and since faulty morals deservedly level all +distinction, and bring down rank and birth to the canaille, and to the +necessity which he so much regrets, of appearing (if I must descent to +his language) as an eves-dropper and a thief. And then I forbid him +ever to expect another letter from me that is to subject him to such +disgraceful hardships. + +'As to the solemn vows and protestations he is so ready, upon all +occasions, to make, they have the less weight with me, I tell him, +as they give a kind of demonstration, that he himself, from his own +character, thinks there is reason to make them. Deeds are to me the +only evidence of intentions. And I am more and more convinced of +the necessity of breaking off a correspondence with a person, whose +addresses I see it is impossible either to expect my friends to +encourage, or him to appear to wish that they should think him worthy of +encouragement. + +'What therefore I repeatedly desire is, That since his birth, alliances, +and expectations, are such as will at any time, if his immoral character +be not an objection, procure him at least equal advantages in a woman +whose taste and inclinations moreover might be better adapted to +his own; I insist upon it, as well as advise it, that he give up all +thoughts of me: and the rather, as he has all along (by his threatening +and unpolite behaviour to my friends, and whenever he speaks of them) +given me reason to conclude, that there is more malice in them, than +regard to me, in his perseverance.' + +This is the substance of the letter I have written to him. + +The man, to be sure, must have the penetration to observe, that my +correspondence with him hitherto is owing more to the severity I meet +with, than to a very high value for him. And so I would have him think. +What a worse than moloch deity is that, which expects an offering of +reason, duty, and discretion, to be made to its shrine! + +Your mother is of opinion, you say, that at last my friends will relent. +Heaven grant that they may!--But my brother and sister have such an +influence over every body, and are so determined; so pique themselves +upon subduing me, and carrying their point; that I despair that they +will. And yet, if they do not, I frankly own, I would not scruple to +throw myself upon any not disreputable protection, by which I might +avoid my present persecutions, on one hand, and not give Mr. Lovelace +advantage over me, on the other--that is to say, were there manifestly +no other way left me: for, if there were, I should think the leaving my +father's house, without his consent, one of the most inexcusable actions +I could be guilty of, were the protection to be ever so unexceptionable; +and this notwithstanding the independent fortune willed me by my +grandfather. And indeed I have often reflected with a degree of +indignation and disdain, upon the thoughts of what a low, selfish +creature that child must be, who is to be reined in only by the hopes of +what a parent can or will do for her. + +But notwithstanding all this, I owe it to the sincerity of friendship to +confess, that I know not what I should have done, had your advice been +conclusive any way. Had you, my dear, been witness to my different +emotions, as I read your letter, when, in one place, you advise me of +my danger, if I am carried to my uncle's; in another, when you own you +could not bear what I bear, and would do any thing rather than marry +the man you hate; yet, in another, to represent to me my reputation +suffering in the world's eye; and the necessity I should be under to +justify my conduct, at the expense of my friends, were I to take a rash +step; in another, insinuate the dishonest figure I should be forced to +make, in so compelled a matrimony; endeavouring to cajole, fawn upon, +and play the hypocrite with a man to whom I have an aversion; who would +have reason to believe me an hypocrite, as well from my former avowals, +as from the sense he must have (if common sense he has) of his own +demerits; the necessity you think there would be for me, the more averse +(were I capable of so much dissimulation) that would be imputable to +disgraceful motives; as it would be too visible, that love, either of +person or mind, could be neither of them: then his undoubted, his even +constitutional narrowness: his too probably jealousy, and unforgiveness, +bearing in my mind my declared aversion, and the unfeigned despights I +took all opportunities to do him, in order to discourage his address: +a preference avowed against him from the same motive; with the pride he +professes to take in curbing and sinking the spirits of a woman he had +acquired a right to tyrannize over: had you, I say, been witness of +my different emotions as I read; now leaning this way, now that; now +perplexed; now apprehensive; now angry at one, then at another; now +resolving; now doubting; you would have seen the power you have over me; +and would have had reason to believe, that, had you given your advice +in any determined or positive manner, I had been ready to have +been concluded by it. So, my dear, you will find, from these +acknowledgements, that you must justify me to those laws of friendship, +which require undisguised frankness of heart; although you justification +of me in that particular, will perhaps be at the expense of my prudence. + +But, upon the whole, this I do repeat--That nothing but the last +extremity shall make me abandon my father's house, if they will permit +me to stay; and if I can, by any means, by any honest pretences, but +keep off my evil destiny in it till my cousin Morden arrives. As one +of my trustees, his is a protection, into which I may without discredit +throw myself, if my other friends should remain determined. And this +(although they seem too well aware of it) is all my hope: for, as +to Lovelace, were I to be sure of his tenderness, and even of his +reformation, must not the thought of embracing the offered protection of +his family, be the same thing, in the world's eye, as accepting of his +own?--Could I avoid receiving his visits at his own relations'? Must I +not be his, whatever, (on seeing him in a nearer light,) I should find +him out to be? For you know, it has always been my observation, that +very few people in courtship see each other as they are. Oh! my dear! +how wise have I endeavoured to be! How anxious to choose, and to avoid +every thing, precautiously, as I may say, that might make me happy, +or unhappy; yet all my wisdom now, by a strange fatality, is likely to +become foolishness! + +Then you tell me, in your usual kindly-partial manner, what is expected +of me, more than would be of some others. This should be a lesson to me. +What ever my motives were, the world would not know them. To complain +of a brother's unkindness, that, indeed, I might do. Differences between +brothers and sisters, where interests clash, but too commonly arise: +but, where the severe father cannot be separated from the faulty +brother, who could bear to lighten herself, by loading a father?--Then, +in this particular case, must not the hatred Mr. Lovelace expresses +to every one of my family (although in return for their hatred of +him) shock one extremely? Must it not shew, that there is something +implacable, as well as highly unpolite in his temper?--And what creature +can think of marrying so as to be out of all hopes ever to be well with +her own nearest and tenderest relations? + +But here, having tired myself, and I dare say you, I will lay down my +pen. + + +***** + + +Mr. Solmes is almost continually here: so is my aunt Hervey: so are my +two uncles. Something is working against me, I doubt. What an uneasy +state is suspense!--When a naked sword, too, seems hanging over one's +head! + +I hear nothing but what this confident creature Betty throws out in +the wantonness of office. Now it is, Why, Miss, don't you look up your +things? You'll be called upon, depend upon it, before you are aware. +Another time she intimates darkly, and in broken sentences, (as if on +purpose to tease me,) what one says, what another; with their inquiries +how I dispose of my time? And my brother's insolent question comes +frequently in, Whether I am not writing a history of my sufferings? + +But I am now used to her pertness: and as it is only through that that +I can hear of any thing intended against me, before it is to be put in +execution; and as, when she is most impertinent, she pleads a commission +for it; I bear with her: yet, now-and-then, not without a little of the +heart-burn. + +I will deposit thus far. Adieu, my dear. CL. HARLOWE. + + +Written on the cover, after she went down, with a pencil: + +On coming down, I found your second letter of yesterday's date.* I +have read it; and am in hopes that the enclosed will in a great measure +answer your mother's expectations of me. + + + * See the next letter. + + +My most respectful acknowledgements to her for it, and for her very kind +admonitions. + +You'll read to her what you please of the enclosed. + + + + +LETTER XIV + +MISS HOWE, TO MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE SAT. MARCH 25. + + +I follow my last of this date by command. I mentioned in my former my +mother's opinion of the merit you would have, if you could oblige your +friends against your own inclination. Our conference upon this subject +was introduced by the conversation we had had with Sir Harry Downeton; +and my mother thinks it of so much importance, that she enjoins me to +give you the particulars of it. I the rather comply, as I was unable in +my last to tell what to advise you to; and as you will in this recital +have my mother's opinion at least, and, perhaps, in hers what the +world's would be, were it only to know what she knows, and not so much +as I know. + +My mother argues upon this case in a most discouraging manner for all +such of our sex as look forward for happiness in marriage with the man +of their choice. + +Only, that I know, she has a side-view of her daughter; who, at the +same time that she now prefers no one to another, values not the man her +mother most regards, of one farthing; or I should lay it more to heart. + +What is there in it, says she, that all this bustle is about? Is it such +a mighty matter for a young woman to give up her inclinations to oblige +her friends? + +Very well, my mamma, thought I! Now, may you ask this--at FORTY, you +may. But what would you have said at EIGHTEEN, is the question? + +Either, said she, the lady must be thought to have very violent +inclinations [And what nice young creature would have that supposed?] +which she could not give up; or a very stubborn will, which she would +not; or, thirdly, have parents she was indifferent about obliging. + +You know my mother now-and-then argues very notably; always very warmly +at least. I happen often to differ from her; and we both think so well +of our own arguments, that we very seldom are so happy as to convince +one another. A pretty common case, I believe, in all vehement debatings. +She says, I am too witty; Angelice, too pert: I, That she is too wise; +that is to say, being likewise put into English, not so young as she has +been: in short, is grown so much into mother, that she has forgotten +she ever was a daughter. So, generally, we call another cause by +consent--yet fall into the old one half a dozen times over, without +consent--quitting and resuming, with half-angry faces, forced into a +smile, that there might be some room to piece together again: but go +a-bed, if bedtime, a little sullen nevertheless: or, if we speak, her +silence is broken with an Ah! Nancy! You are so lively! so quick! I wish +you were less like your papa, child! + +I pay it off with thinking, that my mother has no reason to disclaim her +share in her Nancy: and if the matter go off with greater severity on +her side than I wish for, then her favourite Hickman fares the worse for +it next day. + +I know I am a saucy creature. I know, if I do not say so, you will think +so. So no more of this just now. What I mention it for, is to tell you, +that on this serious occasion I will omit, if I can, all that passed +between us, that had an air of flippancy on my part, or quickness on my +mother's, to let you into the cool and cogent of the conversation. + +'Look through the families, said she, which we both know, where the man +and the woman have been said to marry for love; which (at the time it +is so called) is perhaps no more than a passion begun in folly or +thoughtlessness, and carried on from a spirit of perverseness and +opposition [here we had a parenthetical debate, which I omit]; and see, +if they appear to be happier than those whose principal inducement to +marry has been convenience, or to oblige their friends; or ever whether +they are generally so happy: for convenience and duty, where observed, +will afford a permanent and even an increasing satisfaction (as well +at the time, as upon the reflection) which seldom fail to reward +themselves: while love, if love be the motive, is an idle passion' [idle +in ONE SENSE my mother cannot say; for love is as busy as a monkey, and +as mischievous as a school-boy]--'it is a fervour, that, like all other +fervours, lasts but a little while after marriage; a bow overstrained, +that soon returns to its natural bent. + +'As it is founded generally upon mere notional excellencies, which +were unknown to the persons themselves till attributed to either by the +other; one, two, or three months, usually sets all right on both sides; +and then with opened eyes they think of each other--just as every body +else thought of them before. + +'The lovers imaginaries [her own notable word!] are by that time gone +off; nature and old habits (painfully dispensed with or concealed) +return: disguises thrown aside, all the moles, freckles, and defects in +the minds of each discover themselves; and 'tis well if each do not sink +in the opinion of the other, as much below the common standard, as the +blinded imagination of both had set them above it. And now, said she, +the fond pair, who knew no felicity out of each other's company, are +so far from finding the never-ending variety each had proposed in +an unrestrained conversation with the other (when they seldom were +together; and always parted with something to say; or, on recollection, +when parted, wishing they had said); that they are continually on the +wing in pursuit of amusements out of themselves; and those, concluded my +sage mamma, [Did you think her wisdom so very modern?] will perhaps be +the livelier to each, in which the other has no share.' + +I told my mother, that if you were to take any rash step, it would be +owing to the indiscreet violence of your friends. I was afraid, I said, +that these reflection upon the conduct of people in the married state, +who might set out with better hopes, were but too well grounded: but +that this must be allowed me, that if children weighed not these matters +so thoroughly as they ought, neither did parents make those allowances +for youth, inclination, and inexperience, which had been found necessary +to be made for themselves at their children's time of life. + +I remembered a letter, I told her, hereupon, which you wrote a few +months ago, personating an anonymous elderly lady (in Mr. Wyerley's +day of plaguing you) to Miss Drayton's mother, who, by her severity and +restraints, had like to have driven the young lady into the very fault +against which her mother was most solicitous to guard her. And I dared +to say, she would be pleased with it. + +I fetched the first draught of it, which at my request you obliged me +at the time; and read the whole letter to my mother. But the following +passage she made me read twice. I think you once told me you had not a +copy of this letter. + +'Permit me, Madam, [says the personated grave writer,] to observe, That +if persons of your experience would have young people look forward, in +order to be wiser and better by their advice, it would be kind in them +to look backward, and allow for their children's youth, and natural +vivacity; in other words, for their lively hopes, unabated by time, +unaccompanied by reflection, and unchecked by disappointment. Things +appear to us all in a very different light at our entrance upon +a favourite party, or tour; when, with golden prospects, and high +expectations, we rise vigorous and fresh like the sun beginning its +morning course; from what they do, when we sit down at the end of our +views, tired, and preparing for our journey homeward: for then we take +into our reflection, what we had left out in prospect, the fatigues, +the checks, the hazards, we had met with; and make a true estimate of +pleasures, which from our raised expectations must necessarily have +fallen miserably short of what we had promised ourselves at setting out. +Nothing but experience can give us a strong and efficacious conviction +of this difference: and when we would inculcate the fruits of that upon +the minds of those we love, who have not lived long enough to find those +fruits; and would hope, that our advice should have as much force upon +them, as experience has upon us; and which, perhaps, our parents' advice +had not upon ourselves, at our daughter' time of life; should we not +proceed by patient reasoning and gentleness, that we may not harden, +where we would convince? For, Madam, the tenderest and most generous +minds, when harshly treated, become generally the most inflexible. If +the young lady knows her heart to be right, however defective her +head may be for want of age and experience, she will be apt to be very +tenacious. And if she believes her friends to be wrong, although perhaps +they may be only so in their methods of treating her, how much will +every unkind circumstance on the parent's part, or heedless one on the +child's, though ever so slight in itself, widen the difference! The +parent's prejudice in disfavour, will confirm the daughter's in favour, +of the same person; and the best reasonings in the world on either side, +will be attributed to that prejudice. In short, neither of them will be +convinced: a perpetual opposition ensues: the parent grows impatient; +the child desperate: and, as a too natural consequence, that falls +out which the mother was most afraid of, and which possibly had not +happened, if the child's passions had been only led, not driven.' + +My mother was pleased with the whole letter; and said, It deserved to +have the success it met with. But asked me what excuse could be offered +for a young lady capable of making such reflections (and who at her time +of life could so well assume the character of one of riper years) if she +should rush into any fatal mistake herself? + +She then touched upon the moral character of Mr. Lovelace; and how +reasonable the aversion of your reflections is to a man who gives +himself the liberties he is said to take; and who indeed himself denies +not the accusation; having been heard to declare, that he will do all +the mischief he can to the sex, in revenge for the ill usage and +broken vows of his first love, at a time when he was too young [his own +expression it seems] to be insincere. + +I replied, that I had heard every one say, that the lady meant really +used him ill; that it affected him so much at the time, that he was +forced to travel upon it; and to drive her out of his heart, ran into +courses which he had ingenuousness enough himself to condemn: that, +however, he had denied that he had thrown out such menaces against the +sex when charged with them by me in your presence; and declared himself +incapable of so unjust and ungenerous a resentment against all, for the +perfidy of one. + +You remember this, my dear, as I do your innocent observation upon it, +that you could believe his solemn asseveration and denial: 'For surely, +said you, the man who would resent, as the highest indignity that could +be offered to a gentleman, the imputation of a wilful falsehood, would +not be guilty of one.' + +I insisted upon the extraordinary circumstances in your case; +particularizing them. I took notice, that Mr. Lovelace's morals were at +one time no objection with your relations for Arabella: that then much +was built upon his family, and more upon his part and learning, which +made it out of doubt, that he might be reclaimed by a woman of virtue +and prudence: and [pray forgive me for mentioning it] I ventured to +add, that although your family might be good sort of folks, as the world +went, yet no body but you imputed to any of them a very punctilious +concern for religion or piety--therefore were they the less entitled to +object to defect of that kind in others. Then, what an odious man, said +I, have they picked out, to supplant in a lady's affections one of the +finest figures of a man, and one noted for his brilliant parts, and +other accomplishments, whatever his morals may be! + +Still my mother insisted, that there was the greater merit in your +obedience on that account; and urged, that there hardly ever was a very +handsome and a very sprightly man who made a tender and affectionate +husband: for that they were generally such Narcissus's, as to imagine +every woman ought to think as highly of them, as they did of themselves. + +There was no danger from that consideration here, I said, because the +lady still had greater advantages of person and mind, than the man; +graceful and elegant, as he must be allowed to be, beyond most of his +sex. + +She cannot endure to hear me praise any man but her favourite Hickman; +upon whom, nevertheless, she generally brings a degree of contempt which +he would escape, did she not lessen the little merit he has, by giving +him, on all occasions, more than I think he can deserve, and entering +him into comparisons in which it is impossible but he must be a +sufferer. And now [preposterous partiality!] she thought for her part, +that Mr. Hickman, bating that his face indeed was not so smooth, nor his +complexion quite so good, and saving that he was not so presuming and +so bold (which ought to be no fault with a modest woman) equaled Mr. +Lovelace at any hour of the day. + +To avoid entering further into such an incomparable comparison, I said, +I did not believe, had they left you to your own way, and treated you +generously, that you would have had the thought of encouraging any man +whom they disliked-- + +Then, Nancy, catching me up, the excuse is less--for if so, must there +not be more of contradiction, than love, in the case? + +Not so, neither, Madam: for I know Miss Clarissa Harlowe would prefer +Mr. Lovelace to all men, if morals-- + +IF, Nancy!--That if is every thing.--Do you really think she loves Mr. +Lovelace? + +What would you have had me say, my dear?--I won't tell you what I did +say: But had I not said what I did, who would have believed me? + +Besides, I know you love him!--Excuse me, my dear: Yet, if you deny it, +what do you but reflect upon yourself, as if you thought you ought not +to allow yourself in what you cannot help doing? + +Indeed, Madam, said I, the man is worthy of any woman's love [if, again, +I could say]--But her parents-- + +Her parents, Nancy--[You know, my dear, how my mother, who accuses her +daughter of quickness, is evermore interrupting one!] + +May take wrong measures, said I-- + +Cannot do wrong--they have reason, I'll warrant, said she-- + +By which they may provoke a young woman, said I, to do rash things, +which otherwise she would not do. + +But, if it be a rash thing, [returned she,] should she do it? A prudent +daughter will not wilfully err, because her parents err, if they were to +err: if she do, the world which blames the parents, will not acquit the +child. All that can be said, in extenuation of a daughter's error in +this case, arises from a kind consideration, which Miss Clary's letter +to Lady Drayton pleads for, to be paid to her daughter's youth and +inexperience. And will such an admirable young person as Miss Clarissa +Harlowe, whose prudence, as we see, qualifies her to be an advisor of +persons much older than herself, take shelter under so poor a covert? + +Let her know, Nancy, out of hand, what I say; and I charge you to +represent farther to her, That let he dislike one man and approve +of another ever so much, it will be expected of a young lady of her +unbounded generosity and greatness of mind, that she should deny herself +when she can oblige all her family by so doing--no less than ten or a +dozen perhaps the nearest and dearest to her of all the persons in the +world, an indulgent father and mother at the head of them. It may be +fancy only on her side; but parents look deeper: And will not Miss +Clarissa Harlowe give up her fancy to her parents' judgment? + +I said a great deal upon this judgment subject: all that you could wish +I should say; and all that your extraordinary case allowed me to say. +And my mother was so sensible of the force of it, that she charged me +not to write to you any part of my answer to what she said; but only +what she herself had advanced; lest, in so critical a case, it should +induce you to take measures which might give us both reason (me for +giving it, you for following it) to repent it as long as we lived. + +And thus, my dear, have I set my mother's arguments before you. And the +rather, as I cannot myself tell what to advise you to do--you know best +your own heart; and what that will let you do. + +Robin undertakes to deposit this very early, that you may have an +opportunity to receive it by your first morning airing. + +Heaven guide and direct you for the best, is the incessant prayer of + +Your ever affectionate ANNA HOWE. + + + + +LETTER XV + +MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWE SUNDAY AFTERNOON + + +I am in great apprehension. Yet cannot help repeating my humble thanks +to your mother and you for your last favour. I hope her kind end is +answered by the contents of my last. Yet I must not think it enough to +acknowledge her goodness to me, with a pencil only, on the cover of a +letter sealed up. A few lines give me leave to write with regard to my +anonymous letter to Lady Drayton. If I did not at that time tell you, as +I believe I did, that my excellent Mrs. Norton gave me her assistance in +that letter, I now acknowledge that she did. + +Pray let your mother know this, for two reasons: one, that I may not be +thought to arrogate to myself a discretion which does not belong to me; +the other, that I may not suffer by the severe, but just inference she +was pleased to draw; doubling my faults upon me, if I myself should act +unworthy of the advice I was supposed to give. + +Before I come to what most nearly affects us all, I must chide you once +more, for the severe, the very severe things you mention of our family, +to the disparagement of their MORALS. Indeed, my dear, I wonder at +you!--A slighter occasion might have passed me, after I had written to +you so often to so little purpose, on this topic. But, affecting as +my own circumstances are, I cannot pass by, without animadversion, the +reflection I need not repeat in words. + +There is not a worthier woman in England than my mother. Nor is my +father that man you sometimes make him. Excepting in one point, I know +not any family which lives more up to their duty, than the principals of +ours. A little too uncommunicative for their great circumstances--that +is all.--Why, then, have they not reason to insist upon unexceptionable +morals in a man whose sought-for relationship to them, by a marriage +in their family, they have certainly a right either to allow of, or to +disallow. + +Another line or two, before I am engrossed by my own concerns--upon your +treatment of Mr. Hickman. Is it, do you think, generous to revenge upon +an innocent person, the displeasure you receive from another quarter, +where, I doubt, you are a trespasser too?--But one thing I could tell +him; and you have best not provoke me to it: It is this, That no woman +uses ill the man she does not absolutely reject, but she has it in her +heart to make him amends, when her tyranny has had its run, and he +has completed the measure of his services and patience. My mind is not +enough at ease to push this matter further. + +I will now give you the occasion of my present apprehensions. + +I had reason to fear, as I mentioned in mine of this morning, that a +storm was brewing. Mr. Solmes came home from church this afternoon with +my brother. Soon after, Betty brought me up a letter, without saying +from whom. It was in a cover, and directed by a hand I never saw before; +as if it were supposed that I would not receive and open it, had I known +from whom it came. + +These are the contents: + + +***** + + +TO MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE SUNDAY, MARCH 26. + +DEAREST MADAM, + +I think myself a most unhappy man, in that I have never yet been able +to pay my respects to you with youre consent, for one halfe-hour. I +have something to communicat to you that concernes you much, if you be +pleased to admit me to youre speech. Youre honour is concerned in it, +and the honour of all youre familly. It relates to the designes of one +whom you are sed to valew more than he desarves; and to some of his +reprobat actions; which I am reddie to give you convincing proofes of +the truth of. I may appear to be interested in it: but, neverthelesse, +I am reddie to make oathe, that every tittle is true: and you will +see what a man you are sed to favour. But I hope not so, for your owne +honour. + +Pray, Madam, vouchsafe me a hearing, as you valew your honour and +familly: which will oblidge, dearest Miss, + +Your most humble and most faithful servant, ROGER SOLMES. + +I wait below for the hope of admittance. + + +***** + + +I have no manner of doubt, that this is a poor device to get this man +into my company. I would have sent down a verbal answer; but Betty +refused to carry any message, which should prohibit his visiting me. So +I was obliged either to see him, or to write to him. I wrote therefore +an answer, of which I shall send you the rough draught. And now my heart +aches for what may follow from it; for I hear a great hurry below. + + +***** + + +TO ROGER SOLMES, ESQ. + +SIR, + +Whatever you have to communicate to me, which concerns my honour, may as +well be done by writing as by word of mouth. If Mr. Lovelace is any +of my concern, I know not that therefore he ought to be yours: for the +usage I receive on your account [I must think it so!] is so harsh, that +were there not such a man in the world as Mr. Lovelace, I would not wish +to see Mr. Solmes, no, not for one half-hour, in the way he is pleased +to be desirous to see me. I never can be in any danger from Mr. +Lovelace, (and, of consequence, cannot be affected by any of your +discoveries,) if the proposal I made be accepted. You have been +acquainted with it no doubt. If not, be pleased to let my friends know, +that if they will rid me of my apprehensions of one gentleman, I will +rid them of their of another: And then, of what consequence to them, or +to me, will it be, whether Mr. Lovelace be a good man, or a bad? And if +not to them, nor to me, I see not how it can be of any to you. But if +you do, I have nothing to say to that; and it will be a christian part +if you will expostulate with him upon the errors you have discovered, +and endeavour to make him as good a man, as, no doubt, you are yourself, +or you would not be so ready to detect and expose him. + +Excuse me, Sir: but, after my former letter to you, and your ungenerous +perseverance; and after this attempt to avail yourself at the expense of +another man's character, rather than by your own proper merit; I see +not that you can blame any asperity in her, whom you have so largely +contributed to make unhappy. + +CL. HARLOWE. + + +***** + + +SUNDAY NIGHT. + +My father was for coming up to me, in great wrath, it seems; but was +persuaded to the contrary. My aunt Hervey was permitted to send me this +that follow.--Quick work, my dear! + + +TO MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE + +NIECE, + +Every body is now convinced, that nothing is to be done with you by way +of gentleness or persuasion. Your mother will not permit you to stay in +the house; for your father is so incensed by your strange letter to his +friend, that she knows not what will be the consequence if you do. So, +you are commanded to get ready to go to your uncle Antony's out of hand. + +Your uncle thinks he has not deserved of you such an unwillingness as +you shew to go to his house. + +You don't know the wickedness of the man for whose sake you think it +worth while to quarrel with all your friends. + +You must not answer me. There will be no end of that. + +You know not the affliction you give to every body; but to none more +than to + +Your affectionate aunt, DOROTHY HERVEY. + + +***** + + +Forbid to write to my aunt, I took a bolder liberty. I wrote a few lines +to my mother; beseeching her to procure me leave to throw myself at my +father's feet, and hers, if I must go, (nobody else present,) to beg +pardon for the trouble I had given them both, and their blessings; and +to receive their commands as to my removal, and the time for it, from +their own lips. + +'What new boldness this!--Take it back; and bid her learn to obey,' was +my mother's angry answer, with my letter returned, unopened. + +But that I might omit nothing, that had an appearance of duty, I wrote +a few lines to my father himself, to the same purpose; begging, that he +would not turn me out of his house, without his blessing. But this, torn +in two pieces, and unopened, was brought me up again by Betty, with an +air, one hand held up, the other extended, the torn letter in her open +palm; and a See here!--What a sad thing is this!--Nothing will do but +duty, Miss!--Your papa said, Let her tell me of deeds!--I'll receive no +words from her. And so he tore the letter, and flung the pieces at my +head. + +So desperate was my case, I was resolved not to stop even at this +repulse. I took my pen, and addressed myself to my uncle Harlowe, +enclosing that which my mother had returned unopened, and the torn +unopened one sent to my father; having first hurried off a transcript +for you. + +My uncle was going home, and it was delivered to him just as he stepped +into his chariot. What may be the fate of it therefore I cannot know +till to-morrow. + +The following is a copy of it: + + +TO JOHN HARLOWE, ESQ. + +MY DEAR AND EVER-HONOURED UNCLE, + +I have nobody now but you, to whom I can apply, with hope, so much as +to have my humble addresses opened and read. My aunt Hervey has given me +commands which I want to have explained; but she has forbid me writing +to her. Hereupon I took the liberty to write to my father and mother. +You will see, Sir, by the torn one, and by the other, (both unopened,) +what has been the result. This, Sir, perhaps you already know: but, as +you know not the contents of the disgraced letters, I beseech you to +read them both, that you may be a witness for me, that they are not +filled with either complaints or expostulations, nor contain any thing +undutiful. Give me leave to say, Sir, that if deaf-eared anger will +neither grant me a hearing, nor, what I write a perusal, some time hence +the hard-heartedness may be regretted. I beseech you, dear, good Sir, +to let me know what is meant by sending me to my uncle Antony's house, +rather than to yours, or to my aunt Hervey's, or else-where? If it be +for what I apprehend it to be, life will not be supportable upon the +terms. I beg also to know, WHEN I am to be turned out of doors!--My +heart strongly gives me, that if once I am compelled to leave this +house, I never shall see it more. + +It becomes me, however, to declare, that I write not this through +perverseness, or in resentment. God knows my heart, I do not! But the +treatment I apprehend I shall meet with, if carried to my other uncle's, +will, in all probability, give the finishing stroke to the distresses, +the undeserved distresses I will be bold to call them, of + +Your once highly-favoured, but now unhappy, CL. HARLOWE. + + + + +LETTER XVI + +MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWE MONDAY MORNING, MARCH 27. + + +This morning early my uncle Harlowe came hither. He sent up the enclosed +very tender letter. It has made me wish I could oblige him. You will see +how Mr. Solmes's ill qualities are glossed over in it. What blemishes +dies affection hide!--But perhaps they may say to me, What faults does +antipathy bring to light! + +Be pleased to send me back this letter of my uncle by the first return. + + +SUNDAY NIGHT, OR RATHER MINDAY MORNING. + +I must answer you, though against my own resolution. Every body loves +you; and you know they do. The very ground you walk upon is dear to most +of us. But how can we resolve to see you? There is no standing against +your looks and language. It is our loves makes us decline to see you. +How can we, when you are resolved not to do what we are resolved you +shall do? I never, for my part, loved any creature, as I loved you from +your infancy till now. And indeed, as I have often said, never was there +a young creature so deserving of our love. But what is come to you now! +Alas! alas! my dear kinswoman, how you fail in the trial! + +I have read the letters you enclosed. At a proper time, I may shew them +to my brother and sister: but they will receive nothing from you at +present. + +For my part, I could not read your letter to me, without being unmanned. +How can you be so unmoved yourself, yet so able to move every body +else? How could you send such a letter to Mr. Solmes? Fie upon you! How +strangely are you altered! + +Then to treat your brother and sister as you did, that they don't care +to write to you, or to see you! Don't you know where it is written, That +soft answers turn away wrath? But if you will trust to you sharp-pointed +wit, you may wound. Yet a club will beat down a sword: And how can you +expect that they who are hurt by you will not hurt you again? Was this +the way you used to take to make us all adore you as we did?--No, it +was your gentleness of heart and manners, that made every body, even +strangers, at first sight, treat you as a lady, and call you a lady, +though not born one, while your elder sister had no such distinctions +paid her. If you were envied, why should you sharpen envy, and file up +its teeth to an edge?--You see I write like an impartial man, and as one +that loves you still. + +But since you have displayed your talents, and spared nobody, and moved +every body, without being moved, you have but made us stand the closer +and firmer together. This is what I likened to an embattled phalanx, +once before. Your aunt Hervey forbids your writing for the same reason +that I must not countenance it. We are all afraid to see you, because we +know we shall be made as so many fools. Nay, your mother is so afraid +of you, that once or twice, when she thought you were coming to force +yourself into her presence, she shut the door, and locked herself in, +because she knew she must not see you upon your terms, and you are +resolved you will not see her upon hers. + +Resolves but to oblige us all, my dearest Miss Clary, and you shall see +how we will clasp you every one by turns to our rejoicing hearts. If the +one man has not the wit, and the parts, and the person, of the other, no +one breathing has a worse heart than that other: and is not the love +of all your friends, and a sober man (if he be not so polished) to be +preferred to a debauchee, though ever so fine a man to look at? You have +such talents that you will be adored by the one: but the other has as +much advantage in those respects, as you have yourself, and will not set +by them one straw: for husbands are sometimes jealous of their authority +with witty wives. You will have in one, a man of virtue. Had you not +been so rudely affronting to him, he would have made your ears tingle +with what he could have told you of the other. + +Come, my dear niece, let me have the honour of doing with you what no +body else yet has been able to do. Your father, mother, and I, will +divide the pleasure, and the honour, I will again call it, between us; +and all past offences shall be forgiven; and Mr. Solmes, we will engage, +shall take nothing amiss hereafter, of what has passed. + +He knows, he says, what a jewel that man will have, who can obtain your +favour; and he will think light of all he has suffered, or shall suffer, +in obtaining you. + +Dear, sweet creature, oblige us: and oblige us with a grace. It must be +done, whether with a grace or not. I do assure you it must. You must not +conquer father, mother, uncles, every body: depend upon that. + +I have set up half the night to write this. You do not know how I +am touched at reading yours, and writing this. Yet will I be at +Harlowe-place early in the morning. So, upon reading this, if you will +oblige us all, send me word to come up to your apartment: and I will +lead you down, and present you to the embraces of every one: and you +will then see, you have more of a brother and sister in them both, than +of late your prejudices will let you think you have. This from one who +used to love to style himself, + +Your paternal uncle, JOHN HARLOWE. + + +***** + + +In about an hour after this kind letter was given me, my uncle sent up +to know, if he should be a welcome visiter, upon the terms mentioned in +his letter? He bid Betty bring him down a verbal answer: a written one, +he said, would be a bad sign: and he bid her therefore not to bring a +letter. But I had just finished the enclosed transcription of one I had +been writing. She made a difficulty to carry it; but was prevailed upon +to oblige me by a token which these Mrs. Betty's cannot withstand. + + +DEAR AND HONOURED SIR, + +How you rejoice me by your condescending goodness!--So kind, so paternal +a letter!--so soothing to a wounded heart; and of late what I have been +so little used to!--How am I affected with it! Tell me not, dear Sir, of +my way of writing: your letter has more moved me, than I have been able +to move any body!--It has made me wish, with all my heart, that I could +entitle myself to be visited upon your own terms; and to be led down to +my father and mother by so good and so kind an uncle. + +I will tell you, dearest Uncle, what I will do to make my peace. I have +no doubt that Mr. Solmes, upon consideration, would greatly prefer my +sister to such a strange averse creature as me. His chief, or one of his +chief motives in his address to me, is, as I have reason to believe, the +contiguity of my grandfather's estate to his own. I will resign it; for +ever I will resign it: and the resignation must be good, because I will +never marry at all. I will make it over to my sister, and her heirs for +ever. I shall have no heirs, but my brother and her; and I will receive, +as of my father's bounty, such an annuity (not in lieu of the estate, +but as of his bounty) as he shall be pleased to grant me, if it be +ever so small: and whenever I disoblige him, he to withdraw it, at his +pleasure. + +Will this not be accepted?--Surely it must--surely it will!--I beg of +you, dearest Sir, to propose it; and second it with your interest. This +will answer every end. My sister has a high opinion of Mr. Solmes. I +never can have any in the light he is proposed to me. But as my sister's +husband, he will be always entitled to my respect; and shall have it. + +If this be accepted, grant me, Sir, the honour of a visit; and do me +then the inexpressible pleasure of leading me down to the feet of my +honoured parents, and they shall find me the most dutiful of children; +and to the arms of my brother and sister, and they shall find me the +most obliging and most affectionate of sisters. + +I wait, Sir, for your answer to this proposal, made with the whole heart +of + +Your dutiful and most obliged niece, CL. HARLOWE. + + +MONDAY NOON. + +I hope this will be accepted: for Betty tells me, that my uncle Antony +and my aunt Hervey are sent for; and not Mr. Solmes; which I look upon +as a favourable circumstance. With what cheerfulness will I assign over +this envied estate!--What a much more valuable consideration shall I +part with it for!--The love and favour of all my relations! That love +and favour, which I used for eighteen years together to rejoice in, and +be distinguished by!--And what a charming pretence will this afford me +of breaking with Mr. Lovelace! And how easily will it possibly make him +to part with me! + +I found this morning, in the usual place, a letter from him, in answer, +I suppose, to mine of Friday, which I deposited not till Saturday. But +I have not opened it; nor will I, till I see what effect this new offer +will have. + +Let me but be permitted to avoid the man I hate; and I will give up with +cheerfulness the man I could prefer. To renounce the one, were I really +to value him as much as you seem to imagine, can give but a temporary +concern, which time and discretion will alleviate. This is a sacrifice +which a child owes to parents and friends, if they insist upon its being +made. But the other, to marry a man one cannot endure, is not only a +dishonest thing, as to the man; but it is enough to make a creature who +wishes to be a good wife, a bad or indifferent one, as I once wrote to +the man himself: and then she can hardly be either a good mistress, or +a good friend; or any thing but a discredit to her family, and a bad +example to all around her. + +Methinks I am loth, in the suspense I am in at present, to deposit +this, because it will be leaving you in one as great: but having been +prevented by Betty's officiousness twice, I will now go down to my +little poultry; and, if I have an opportunity, will leave it in the +usual place, where I hope to find something from you. + + + + +LETTER XVII + +MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWE MONDAY AFTERNOON, MARCH 27. + + +I have deposited my narrative down to this day noon; but I hope soon to +follow it with another letter, that I may keep you as little a while as +possible in that suspense which I am so much affected by at this moment: +for my heart is disturbed at ever foot I hear stir; and at every door +below that I hear open or shut. + +They have been all assembled some time, and are in close debate I +believe: But can there be room for long debate upon a proposal, which, +if accepted, will so effectually answer all their views?--Can they +insist a moment longer upon my having Mr. Solmes, when they see what +sacrifices I am ready to make, to be freed from his addresses?--Oh! but +I suppose the struggle is, first, with Bella's nicety, to persuade her +to accept of the estate, and of the husband; and next, with her pride, +to take her sister's refusals, as she once phrased it!--Or, it may +be, my brother is insisting upon equivalents for his reversion in the +estate: and these sort of things take up but too much the attention of +some of our family. To these, no doubt, one or both, it must be owing, +that my proposal admits of so much consideration. + +I want, methinks, to see what Mr. Lovelace, in his letter, says. But I +will deny myself this piece of curiosity till that which is raised by my +present suspense is answered.--Excuse me, my dear, that I thus trouble +you with my uncertainties: but I have no employment, nor heart, if I +had, to pursue any other but what my pen affords me. + + +MONDAY EVENING. + +Would you believe it?--Betty, by anticipation, tells me, that I am to be +refused. I am 'a vile, artful creature. Every body is too good to me. +My uncle Harlowe has been taken in, that's the phrase. They know how +it would be, if he either wrote to me, or saw me. He has, however, been +made ashamed to be so wrought upon. A pretty thing truly in the eye of +the world it would be, were they to take me at my word! It would look +as if they had treated me thus hardly, as I think it, for this very +purpose. My peculiars, particularly Miss Howe, would give it that +turn; and I myself could mean nothing by it, but to see if it would be +accepted in order to strengthen my own arguments against Mr. Solmes. It +was amazing, that it could admit of a moment's deliberation: that any +thing could be supposed to be done in it. It was equally against law and +equity: and a fine security Miss Bella would have, or Mr. Solmes, when I +could resume it when I would!--My brother and she my heirs! O the artful +creature!--I to resolve to live single, when Lovelace is so sure of +me--and every where declares as much!--and can whenever he pleases, +if my husband, claim under the will!--Then the insolence--the +confidence--[as Betty mincingly told me, that one said; you may easily +guess who] that she, who was so justly in disgrace for downright +rebellion, should pretend to prescribe to the whole family!--Should name +a husband for her elder sister!--What a triumph would her obstinacy go +away with, to delegate her commands, not as from a prison, as she called +it, but as from her throne, to her elders and betters; and to her father +and mother too!--Amazing, perfectly amazing, that any body could argue +upon such a proposal as this! It was a master-stroke of finesse--It was +ME in perfection!--Surely my uncle Harlowe will never again be so taken +in!' + +All this was the readier told me, because it was against me, and would +tease and vex me. But as some of this fine recapitulation implied, that +somebody spoke up for me. I was curious to know who it was. But Betty +would not tell me, for fear I should have the consolation to find that +all were not against me. + +But do you not see, my dear, what a sad creature she is whom you honour +with your friendship?--You could not doubt your influence over me: Why +did you not take the friendly liberty I have always taken with you, +and tell me my faults, and what a specious hypocrite I am? For, if my +brother and sister could make such discoveries, how is it possible, that +faults to enormous [you could see others, you thought, of a more secret +nature!] could escape you penetrating eye? + +Well, but now, it seems, they are debating how and by whom to answer me: +for they know not, nor are they to know, that Mrs. Betty has told me all +these fine things. One desires to be excused, it seems: another chooses +not to have any thing to say to me: another has enough of me: and of +writing to so ready a scribbler, there will be no end. + +Thus are those imputed qualifications, which used so lately to gain me +applause, now become my crimes: so much do disgust and anger alter the +property of things. + +The result of their debate, I suppose, will somehow or other be +communicated to me by-and-by. But let me tell you, my dear, that I am +made so desperate, that I am afraid to open Mr. Lovelace's letter, +lest, in the humour I am in, I should do something (if I find it not +exceptionable) that may give me repentance as long as I live. + + +MONDAY NIGHT. + +This moment the following letter is brought me by Betty. + + +MONDAY, 5 O'CLOCK + +MISS CUNNING-ONE, + +Your fine new proposal is thought unworthy of a particular answer. Your +uncle Harlowe is ashamed to be so taken in. Have you no new fetch for +your uncle Antony? Go round with us, child, now your hand's in. But I +was bid to write only one line, that you might not complain, as you +did of your worthy sister, for the freedoms you provoked: It is +this--Prepare yourself. To-morrow you go to my uncle Antony's. That's +all, child. + +JAMES HARLOWE. + + +I was vexed to the heart at this: and immediately, in the warmth of +resentment, wrote the enclosed to my uncle Harlowe; who it seems stays +here this night. + + +TO JOHN HARLOWE, ESQ. MONDAY NIGHT. + +HONOURED SIR, + +I find I am a very sad creature, and did not know it. I wrote not to my +brother. To you, Sir, I wrote. From you I hope the honour of an answer. +No one reveres her uncle more than I do. Nevertheless, between uncle and +niece, excludes not such a hope: and I think I have not made a proposal +that deserves to be treated with scorn. + +Forgive me, Sir--my heart is full. Perhaps one day you may think you +have been prevailed upon (for that is plainly the case!) to join to +treat me--as I do not deserve to be treated. If you are ashamed, as my +brother hints, of having expressed any returning tenderness to me, God +help me! I see I have no mercy to expect from any body! But, Sir, from +your pen let me have an answer; I humbly implore it of you. Till my +brother can recollect what belongs to a sister, I will not take from him +no answer to the letter I wrote to you, nor any commands whatever. + +I move every body!--This, Sir, is what you are pleased to mention. But +whom have I moved?--One person in the family has more moving ways than I +have, or he could never so undeservedly have made every body ashamed to +show tenderness to a poor distressed child of the same family. + +Return me not this with contempt, or torn, or unanswered, I beseech you. +My father has a title to do that or any thing by his child: but from no +other person in the world of your sex, Sir, ought a young creature of +mine (while she preserves a supplicating spirit) to be so treated. + +When what I have before written in the humblest strain has met with such +strange constructions, I am afraid that this unguarded scrawl will be +very ill received. But I beg, Sir, you will oblige me with one line, be +it ever so harsh, in answer to my proposal. I still think it ought to +be attended to. I will enter into the most solemn engagements to make it +valid by a perpetual single life. In a word, any thing I can do, I will +do, to be restored to all your favours. More I cannot say, but that I +am, very undeservedly, + +A most unhappy creature. + + +Betty scrupled again to carry this letter; and said, she should have +anger; and I should have it returned in scraps and bits. + +I must take that chance, said I: I only desire that you will deliver it +as directed. + +Sad doings! very sad! she said, that young ladies should so violently +set themselves against their duty. + +I told her, she should have the liberty to say what she pleased, so she +would but be my messenger that one time: and down she went with it. + +I bid her, if she could, slide it into my uncle's hand, unseen; at least +unseen by my brother or sister, for fear it should meet, through their +good office, with the fate she had bespoken for it. + +She would not undertake for that, she said. + +I am now in expectation of the result. But having so little ground to +hope for their favour or mercy, I opened Mr. Lovelace's letter. + +I would send it to you, my dear (as well as those I shall enclose) by +this conveyance; but not being able at present to determine in what +manner I shall answer it, I will give myself the trouble of abstracting +it here, while I am waiting for what may offer from the letter just +carried down. + +'He laments, as usual, my ill opinion of him, and readiness to believe +every thing to his disadvantage. He puts into plain English, as I +supposed he would, my hint, that I might be happier, if, by any rashness +he might be guilty of to Solmes, he should come to an untimely end +himself.' + +He is concerned, he says, 'That the violence he had expressed on his +extreme apprehensiveness of losing me, should have made him guilty of +any thing I had so much reason to resent.' + +He owns, 'That he is passionate: all good-natured men, he says, are so; +and a sincere man cannot hide it.' But appeals to me, 'Whether, if any +occasion in the world could excuse the rashness of his expressions, it +would not be his present dreadful situation, through my indifference, +and the malice of his enemies.' + +He says, 'He has more reason than ever, from the contents of my last, +to apprehend, that I shall be prevailed upon by force, if not by fair +means, to fall in with my brother's measures; and sees but too plainly, +that I am preparing him to expect it. + +'Upon this presumption, he supplicates, with the utmost earnestness, +that I will not give way to the malice of his enemies. + +'Solemn vows of reformation, and everlasting truth and obligingness, +he makes; all in the style of desponding humility: yet calls it a cruel +turn upon him, to impute his protestations to a consciousness of the +necessity there is for making them from his bad character. + +'He despises himself, he solemnly protests, for his past follies. He +thanks God he has seen his error; and nothing but my more particular +instructions is wanting to perfect his reformation. + +'He promises, that he will do every thing that I shall think he can do +with honour, to bring about a reconciliation with my father; and even +will, if I insist upon it, make the first overtures to my brother, and +treat him as his own brother, because he is mine, if he will not by new +affronts revive the remembrance of the past. + +'He begs, in the most earnest and humble manner, for one half-hour's +interview; undertaking by a key, which he owns he has to the +garden-door, leading into the coppice, as we call it, (if I will but +unbolt the door,) to come into the garden at night, and wait till I have +an opportunity to come to him, that he may re-assure me of the truth of +all he writes, and of the affection, and, if needful, protection, of all +his family. + +'He presumes not, he says, to write by way of menace to me; but if I +refuse him this favour, he knows not (so desperate have some strokes in +my letter made him) what his despair may make him do.' + +He asks me, 'Determined, as my friends are, and far as they have already +gone, and declare they will go, what can I propose to do, to avoid +having Mr. Solmes, if I am carried to my uncle Antony's; unless I +resolve to accept of the protection he has offered to procure me; or +except I will escape to London, or elsewhere, while I can escape?' + +He advises me, 'To sue to your mother, for her private reception of +me; only till I can obtain possession of my own estate, and procure my +friends to be reconciled to me; which he is sure they will be desirous +to be, the moment I am out of their power.' + +He apprizes me, [It is still my wonder, how he comes by this +intelligence!] 'That my friends have written to my cousin Morden to +represent matters to him in their own partial way; nor doubt they to +influence him on their side of the question. + +'That all this shews I have but one way; if none of my friends or +intimates will receive me. + +'If I will transport him with the honour of my choice of this one way, +settlements shall be drawn, with proper blanks, which I shall fill up as +I pleased. Let him but have my commands from my own mouth, all my doubts +and scruples from my own lips; and only a repetition, that I will not, +on any consideration, be Solmes's wife; and he shall be easy. But, after +such a letter as I have written, nothing but an interview can make him +so.' He beseeches me therefore, 'To unbolt the door, as that very night; +or, if I receive not this time enough, this night;--and he will, in a +disguise that shall not give suspicion who he is, if he should be seen, +come to the garden door, in hopes to open it with his key; nor will he +have any other lodging than in the coppice both nights; watching every +wakeful hour for the propitious unbolting, unless he has a letter with +my orders to the contrary, or to make some other appointment.' + +This letter was dated yesterday: so he was there last night, I suppose; +and will be there this night; and I have not written a line to him: and +now it is too late, were I determined what to write. + +I hope he will not go to Mr. Solmes.--I hope he will not come +hither.--If he do either, I will break with him for ever. + +What have I to do with these headstrong spirits? I wish I had never--but +what signifies wishing?--I am strangely perplexed: but I need not have +told you this, after such a representation of my situation. + + + + +LETTER XVII + +MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWE TUESDAY MORNING, 7 O'CLOCK + +My uncle has vouchsafed to answer me. These that follow are the +contents of his letter; but just now brought me, although written last +night--late I suppose. + + +MONDAY NIGHT. + +MISS CLARY, + +Since you are grown such a bold challenger, and teach us all our duty, +though you will not practise your own, I must answer you. Nobody +wants you estate from you. Are you, who refuse ever body's advice, +to prescribe a husband to your sister? Your letter to Mr. Solmes is +inexcusable. I blamed you for it before. Your parents will be obeyed. It +is fit they should. Your mother has nevertheless prevailed to have your +going to your uncle Antony's put off till Thursday: yet owns you deserve +not that, or any other favour from her. I will receive no more of +your letters. You are too artful for me. You are an ungrateful and +unreasonable child: Must you have your way paramount to every body's? +How are you altered. + +Your displeased uncle, JOHN HARLOWE. + + +***** + + +To be carried away on Thursday--To the moated house--To the chapel--To +Solmes! How can I think of this!--They will make me desperate. + + +TUESDAY MORNING, 8 O'CLOCK. + +I have another letter from Mr. Lovelace. I opened it with the +expectation of its being filled with bold and free complaints, on my +not writing to prevent his two nights watching, in weather not extremely +agreeable. But, instead of complaints, he is 'full of tender concern +lest I may have been prevented by indisposition, or by the closer +confinement which he has frequently cautioned me that I may expect.' + +He says, 'He had been in different disguises loitering about our garden +and park wall, all the day on Sunday last; and all Sunday night was +wandering about the coppice, and near the back door. It rained; and he +has got a great cold, attended with feverishness, and so hoarse, that he +has almost lost his voice.' + +Why did he not flame out in his letter?--Treated as I am treated by my +friends, it is dangerous to be laid under the sense of an obligation to +an addresser's patience; especially when such a one suffers in health +for my sake. + +'He had no shelter, he says, but under the great overgrown ivy, which +spreads wildly round the heads of two or three oaklings; and that was +soon wet through.' + +You remember the spot. You and I, my dear, once thought ourselves +obliged to the natural shade which those ivy-covered oaklings afforded +us, in a sultry day. + +I can't help saying, I am sorry he has suffered for my sake; but 'tis +his own seeking. + +His letter is dated last night at eight: 'And, indisposed as he is, +he tells me that he will watch till ten, in hopes of my giving him the +meeting he so earnestly request. And after that, he has a mile to walk +to his horse and servant; and four miles then to ride to his inn.' + +He owns, 'That he has an intelligencer in our family; who has failed +him for a day or two past: and not knowing how I do, or how I may be +treated, his anxiety is increased.' + +This circumstance gives me to guess who this intelligencer is: Joseph +Leman: the very creature employed and confided in, more than any other, +by my brother. + +This is not an honourable way of proceeding in Mr. Lovelace. Did +he learn this infamous practice of corrupting the servants of other +families at the French court, where he resided a good while? + +I have been often jealous of this Leman in my little airings and +poultry-visits. Doubly obsequious as he was always to me, I have +thought him my brother's spy upon me; and although he obliged me by +his hastening out of the garden and poultry-yard, whenever I came into +either, have wondered, that from his reports my liberties of those kinds +have not been abridged.* So, possibly, this man may be bribed by both, +yet betray both. Worthy views want not such obliquities as these on +either side. An honest mind must rise into indignation both at the +traitor-maker and the traitor. + + + * Mr. Lovelace accounts for this, Vol. I, Letter XXXV. + + +'He presses with the utmost earnestness for an interview. He would not +presume, he says, to disobey my last personal commands, that he should +not endeavour to attend me again in the wood-house. But says, he can +give me such reasons for my permitting him to wait upon my father +or uncles, as he hopes will be approved by me: for he cannot help +observing, that it is no more suitable to my own spirit than to his, +that he, a man of fortune and family, should be obliged to pursue such a +clandestine address, as would only become a vile fortune-hunter. But, if +I will give my consent for his visiting me like a man, and a gentleman, +no ill treatment shall provoke him to forfeit his temper. + +'Lord M. will accompany him, if I please: or Lady Betty Lawrance will +first make the visit to my mother, or to my aunt Hervey, or even to my +uncles, if I choose it. And such terms shall be offered, as shall have +weight upon them. + +'He begs, that I will not deny him making a visit to Mr. Solmes. By +all that's good, he vows, that it shall not be with the least intention +either to hurt or affront him; but only to set before him, calmly and +rationally, the consequences that may possibly flow from so fruitless a +perseverance, as well as the ungenerous folly of it, to a mind as noble +as mine. He repeats his own resolution to attend my pleasure, and Mr. +Morden's arrival and advice, for the reward of his own patience. + +'It is impossible, he says, but one of these methods must do. +Presence, he observes, even of a disliked person, takes off the edge of +resentments which absence whets, and makes keen. + +'He therefore most earnestly repeats his importunities for the +supplicated interview.' He says, 'He has business of consequence in +London: but cannot stir from the inconvenient spot where he has for +some time resided, in disguises unworthy of himself, until he can be +absolutely certain, that I shall not be prevailed upon, either by force +or otherwise; and until he finds me delivered from the insults of my +brother. Nor ought this to be an indifferent point to one, for whose +sake all the world reports me to be used unworthily. But one remark, he +says, he cannot help making: that did my friends know the little favour +I shew him, and the very great distance I keep him at, they would +have no reason to confine me on his account. And another, that they +themselves seem to think him entitled to a different usage, and expect +that he receives it; when, in truth, what he meets with from me is +exactly what they wish him to meet with, excepting in the favour of +my correspondence I honour him with; upon which, he says, he puts the +highest value, and for the sake of which he has submitted to a thousand +indignities. + +'He renews his professions of reformation. He is convinced, he says, +that he has already run a long and dangerous course; and that it is high +time to think of returning. It must be from proper conviction, he says, +that a person who has lived too gay a life, resolves to reclaim, before +age or sufferings come upon him. + +'All generous spirits, he observes, hate compulsion. Upon this +observation he dwells; but regrets, that he is likely to owe all his +hopes to this compulsion; this injudicious compulsion, he justly calls +it; and none to my esteem for him. Although he presumes upon some +merit--in this implicit regard to my will--in the bearing the daily +indignities offered not only to him, but to his relations, by my +brother--in the nightly watchings, his present indisposition makes him +mention, or he had not debased the nobleness of his passion for me, by +such a selfish instance.' + +I cannot but say, I am sorry the man is not well. + +I am afraid to ask you, my dear, what you would have done, thus +situated. But what I have done, I have done. In a word, I wrote, 'That +I would, if possible, give him a meeting to-morrow night, between the +hours of nine and twelve, by the ivy summer-house, or in it, or near the +great cascade, at the bottom of the garden; and would unbolt the door, +that he might come in by his own key. But that, if I found the meeting +impracticable, or should change my mind, I would signify as much by +another line; which he must wait for until it were dark.' + + +TUESDAY, ELEVEN O'CLOCK. + +I am just returned from depositing my billet. How diligent is this man! +It is plain he was in waiting: for I had walked but a few paces, after I +had deposited it, when, my heart misgiving me, I returned, to have taken +it back, in order to reconsider it as I walked, and whether I should or +should not let it go. But I found it gone. + +In all probability, there was but a brick wall, of a few inches thick, +between Mr. Lovelace and me, at the very time I put the letter under the +brick! + +I am come back dissatisfied with myself. But I think, my dear, there +can be no harm in meeting him. If I do not, he may take some violent +measures. What he knows of the treatment I meet with in malice to him, +and with the view to frustrate all his hopes, may make him desperate. +His behaviour last time I saw him, under the disadvantages of time and +place, and surprised as I was, gives me no apprehension of any thing but +discovery. What he requires is not unreasonable, and cannot affect my +future choice and determination: it is only to assure him from my own +lips, that I never will be the wife of a man I hate. If I have not an +opportunity to meet without hazard or detection, he must once more +bear the disappointment. All his trouble, and mine too, is owing to his +faulty character. This, although I hate tyranny and arrogance in all +shapes, makes me think less of the risques he runs, and the fatigues he +undergoes, than otherwise I should do; and still less, as my sufferings +(derived from the same source) are greater than his. + +Betty confirms this intimation, that I must go to my uncle's on +Thursday. She was sent on purpose to direct me to prepare myself for +going, and to help me to get every thing up in order for my removal. + + + + +LETTER XIX + +MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWE THURSDAY, THREE O'CLOCK, MARCH 28. + + +I have mentioned several times the pertness of Mrs. Betty to me; +and now, having a little time upon my hands, I will give you a short +dialogue that passed just now between us. It may, perhaps, be a little +relief to you from the dull subjects with which I am perpetually teasing +you. + +As she attended me at dinner, she took notice, That Nature is satisfied +with a very little nourishment: and thus she complimentally proved +it--For, Miss, said she, you eat nothing; yet never looked more +charmingly in your life. + +As to the former part of your speech, Betty, said I, you observe well; +and I have often thought, when I have seen how healthy the children of +the labouring poor look, and are, with empty stomachs, and hardly a good +meal in a week, that God Almighty is very kind to his creatures, in this +respect, as well as in all others in making much not necessary to the +support of life; when three parts in four of His creatures, if it were, +would not know how to obtain it. It puts me in mind of two proverbial +sentences which are full of admirable meaning. + +What, pray, Miss, are they? I love to hear you talk, when you are so +sedate as you seem now to be. + +The one is to the purpose we are speaking of: Poverty is the mother of +health. And let me tell you, Betty, if I had a better appetite, and +were to encourage it, with so little rest, and so much distress and +persecution, I don't think I should be able to preserve my reason. + +There's no inconvenience but has its convenience, said Betty, giving me +proverb for proverb. But what is the other, Madam? + +That the pleasures of the mighty are not obtained by the tears of the +poor. It is but reasonable, therefore, methinks, that the plenty of +the one should be followed by distempers; and that the indigence of the +other should be attended with that health, which makes all its other +discomforts light on the comparison. And hence a third proverb, Betty, +since you are an admirer of proverbs: Better a hare-foot than none at +all; that is to say, than not to be able to walk. + +She was mightily taken with what I said: See, returned she, what a fine +thing scholarship is!--I, said she, had always, from a girl, a taste for +reading, though it were but in Mother Goose, and concerning the fairies +[and then she took genteelly a pinch of snuff]: could but my parents +have let go as fast as I pulled, I should have been a very happy +creature. + +Very likely, you would have made great improvements, Betty: but as it +is, I cannot say, but since I had the favour of your attendance in this +intimate manner, I have heard smarter things from you, than I have heard +at table from some of my brother's fellow-collegians. + +Your servant, dear Miss; dropping me one of her best courtesies: so +fine a judge as you are!--It is enough to make one very proud. Then with +another pinch--I cannot indeed but say, bridling upon it, that I have +heard famous scholars often and often say very silly things: things +I should be ashamed myself to say; but I thought they did it out of +humility, and in condescension to those who had not their learning. + +That she might not be too proud, I told her, I would observe, that the +liveliness or quickness she so happily discovered in herself, was not +so much an honour to her, as what she owed to her sex; which, as I had +observed in many instances, had great advantages over the other, in all +the powers that related to imagination. And hence, Mrs. Betty, you'll +take notice, as I have of late had opportunity to do, that your own +talent at repartee and smartness, when it has something to work upon, +displays itself to more advantage, than could well be expected from one +whose friends, to speak in your own phrase, could not let go so fast as +you pulled. + +The wench gave me a proof of the truth of my observation, in a manner +still more alert than I had expected: If, said she, our sex had so much +advantage in smartness, it is the less to be wondered at, that you, +Miss, who have had such an education, should outdo all the men and women +too, that come near you. + +Bless me, Betty, said I, what a proof do you give me of your wit and +your courage at the same time! This is outdoing yourself. It would make +young ladies less proud, and more apprehensive, were they generally +attended by such smart servants, and their mouths permitted to be +unlocked upon them as yours has been lately upon me.--But, take away, +Mrs. Betty. + +Why, Miss, you have eat nothing at all--I hope you are not displeased +with your dinner for any thing I have said. + +No, Mrs. Betty, I am pretty well used to your freedoms now, you know.--I +am not displeased in the main, to observe, that, were the succession of +modern fine ladies to be extinct, it might be supplied from those whom +they place in the next rank to themselves, their chamber-maids and +confidants. Your young mistress has contributed a great deal to this +quickness of yours. She always preferred your company to mine. As +you pulled, she let go; and so, Mrs. Betty, you have gained by her +conversation what I have lost. + +Why, Miss, if you come to that, nobody says better things than Miss +Harlowe. I could tell you one, if I pleased, upon my observing to her, +that you lived of late upon the air, and had no stomach to any thing; +yet looked as charmingly as ever. + +I dare say, it was a very good-natured one, Mrs. Betty! Do you then +please that I shall hear it? + +Only this, Miss, That your stomachfulness had swallowed up your stomach; +and, That obstinacy was meat, drink, and clothes to you. + +Ay, Mrs. Betty; and did she say this?--I hope she laughed when she said +it, as she does at all her good things, as she calls them. It was very +smart, and very witty. I wish my mind were so much at ease, as to aim at +being witty too. But if you admire such sententious sayings, I'll help +you to another; and that is, Encouragement and approbation make people +show talents they were never suspected to have; and this will do both +for mistress and maid. And another I'll furnish you with, the +contrary of the former, that will do only for me: That persecution and +discouragement depress ingenuous minds, and blunt the edge of lively +imaginations. And hence may my sister's brilliancy and my stupidity be +both accounted for. Ingenuous, you must know, Mrs. Betty, and ingenious, +are two things; and I would not arrogate the latter to myself. + +Lord, Miss, said the foolish girl, you know a great deal for your +years.--You are a very learned young lady!--What pity-- + +None of your pitties, Mrs. Betty, I know what you'd say. But tell me, if +you can, Is it resolved that I shall be carried to my uncle Antony's on +Thursday? + +I was willing to reward myself for the patience she had made me +exercise, by getting at what intelligence I could from her. + +Why, Miss, seating herself at a little distance (excuse my sitting down) +with the snuff-box tapped very smartly, the lid opened, and a +pinch taken with a dainty finger and thumb, the other three fingers +distendedly bent, and with a fine flourish--I cannot but say, that it is +my opinion, you will certainly go on Thursday; and this noless foless, +as I have heard my young lady say in FRENCH. + +Whether I am willing or not willing, you mean, I suppose, Mrs. Betty? + +You have it, Miss. + +Well but, Betty, I have no mind to be turned out of doors so suddenly. +Do you think I could not be permitted to tarry one week longer? + +How can I tell, Miss? + +O Mrs. Betty, you can tell a great deal, if you please. But here I am +forbid writing to any one of my family; none of it now will come near +me; nor will any of it permit me to see them: How shall I do to make +known my request, to stay here a week or fortnight longer? + +Why, Miss, I fancy, if you were to shew a compliable temper, your +friends would shew a compliable one too. But would you expect favours, +and grant none? + +Smartly put, Betty! But who knows what may be the result of my being +carried to my uncle Antony's? + +Who knows, Miss!--Why any body will guess what may be the result. + +As how, Betty? + +As how! repeated the pert wench, Why, Miss, you will stand in your own +light, as you have hitherto done: and your parents, as such good parents +ought, will be obeyed. + +If, Mrs. Betty, I had not been used to your oughts, and to have my duty +laid down to me by your oraculous wisdom I should be apt to stare at the +liberty of you speech. + +You seem angry, Miss. I hope I take no unbecoming liberty. + +If thou really thinkest thou dost not, thy ignorance is more to be +pitied, than thy pertness resented. I wish thou wouldst leave me to +myself. + +When young ladies fall out with their own duty, it is not much to be +wondered at, that they are angry at any body who do theirs. + +That's a very pretty saying, Mrs. Betty!--I see plainly what thy duty is +in thy notion, and am obliged to those who taught it thee. + +Every body takes notice, Miss, that you can say very cutting words in a +cool manner, and yet not call names, as I have known some gentlefolks +as well as others do when in a passion. But I wish you had permitted +'Squire Solmes to see you: he would have told you such stories of +'Squire Lovelace, as you would have turned your heart against him for +ever. + +And know you any of the particulars of those sad stories? + +Indeed I don't; but you'll hear all at your uncle Antony's, I suppose; +and a great deal more perhaps than you will like to hear. + +Let me hear what I will, I am determined against Mr. Solmes, were it to +cost me my life. + +If you are, Miss, the Lord have mercy on you! For what with this letter +of yours to 'Squire Solmes, whom they so much value, and what with +their antipathy to 'Squire Lovelace, whom they hate, they will have no +patience with you. + +What will they do, Betty? They won't kill me? What will they do? + +Kill you! No!--But you will not be suffered to stir from thence, till +you have complied with your duty. And no pen and ink will be allowed you +as here; where they are of opinion you make no good use of it: nor would +it be allowed here, only as they intend so soon to send you away to your +uncle's. No-body will be permitted to see you, or to correspond with +you. What farther will be done, I can't say; and, if I could, it may not +be proper. But you may prevent all, by one word: and I wish you would, +Miss. All then would be easy and happy. And, if I may speak my mind, I +see not why one man is not as good as another: why, especially, a sober +man is not as good as a rake. + +Well, Betty, said I, sighing, all thy impertinence goes for nothing. But +I see I am destined to be a very unhappy creature. Yet I will venture +upon one request more to them. + +And so, quite sick of the pert creature and of myself, I retired to my +closet, and wrote a few lines to my uncle Harlowe, notwithstanding his +prohibition; in order to get a reprieve from being carried away so soon +as Thursday next, if I must go. And this, that I might, if complied +with, suspend the appointment I have made with Mr. Lovelace; for my +heart misgives me as to meeting him; and that more and more; I know not +why. Under the superscription of the letter, I wrote these words: 'Pray, +dear Sir, be pleased to give this a reading.' + +This is a copy of what I wrote: + + +TUESDAY AFTERNOON. + +HONOURED SIR, + +Let me this once be heard with patience, and have my petition granted. +It is only, that I may not be hurried away so soon as next Thursday. + +Why should the poor girl be turned out of doors so suddenly, so +disgracefully? Procure for me, Sir, one fortnight's respite. In that +space of time, I hope you will all relent. My mamma shall not need to +shut her door in apprehension of seeing her disgraceful child. I will +not presume to think of entering her presence, or my papa's without +leave. One fortnight's respite is but a small favour for them to grant, +except I am to be refused every thing I ask; but it is of the highest +import to my peace of mind. Procure it for me, therefore, dearest Sir; +and you will exceedingly oblige + +Your dutiful, though greatly afflicted niece, CL. HARLOWE. + + +I sent this down: my uncle was not gone: and he now stays to know the +result of the question put to me in the enclosed answer which he has +given to mind. + + +Your going to your uncle's was absolutely concluded upon for next +Thursday. Nevertheless, your mother, seconded by Mr. Solmes, pleaded +so strongly to have you indulged, that your request for a delay will +be complied with, upon one condition; and whether for a fortnight, or +a shorter time, that will depend upon yourself. If you refuse the +condition, your mother declares she will give over all further +intercession for you.--Nor do you deserve this favour, as you put it +upon our yielding to you, not you to us. + +This condition is, that you admit of a visit from Mr. Solmes, for one +hour, in company of your brother, your sister, or your uncle Antony, +choose who you will. + +If you comply not, go next Thursday to a house which is become strangely +odious to you of late, whether you get ready to go or not. Answer +therefore directly to the point. No evasion. Name your day and hour. Mr. +Solmes will neither eat you, nor drink you. Let us see, whether we are +to be complied with in any thing, or not. + +JOHN HARLOWE. + + +***** + + +After a very little deliberation, I resolved to comply with this +condition. All I fear is, that Mr. Lovelace's intelligencer may inform +him of it; and that his apprehensions upon it may make him take some +desperate resolution: especially as now (having more time given me here) +I think to write to him to suspend the interview he is possibly so sure +of. I sent down the following to my uncle: + + +HONOURED SIR, + +Although I see not what end the proposed condition can answer, I comply +with it. I wish I could with every thing expected of me. If I must name +one, in whose company I am to see the gentleman, and that one not my +mamma, whose presence I could wish to be honoured by on the occasion, +let my uncle, if he pleases, be the person. If I must name the day, (a +long day, I doubt, will not be permitted me,) let it be next Tuesday. + +The hour, four in the afternoon. The place either the ivy summer-house, +or in the little parlour I used to be permitted to call mine. + +Be pleased, Sir, nevertheless, to prevail upon my mamma, to vouchsafe me +her presence on the occasion. + +I am, Sir, your ever-dutiful CL. HARLOWE. + + +A reply is just sent me. I thought it became my averseness to this +meeting, to name a distant day: but I did not expect they would have +complied with it. So here is one week gained! + +This is the reply: + + +You have done well to comply. We are willing to think the best of every +slight instance of duty from you. Yet have you seemed to consider the +day as an evil day, and so put if far off. This nevertheless is granted +you, as no time need to be lost, if you are as generous after the day, +as we are condescending before it. Let me advise you, not to harden your +mind; nor take up your resolution beforehand. Mr. Solmes has more awe, +and even terror, at the thought of seeing you, than you can have at the +thoughts of seeing him. His motive is love; let not yours be hatred. My +brother Antony will be present, in hopes you will deserve well of him, +by behaving well to the friend of the family. See you use him as such. +Your mother had permission to be there, if she thought fit: but says, +she would not for a thousand pound, unless you would encourage her +beforehand as she wishes to be encouraged. One hint I am to give you +mean time. It is this: To make a discreet use of your pen and ink. +Methinks a young creature of niceness should be less ready to write to +one man, when she is designed to be another's. + +This compliance, I hope, will produce greater, and then the peace of the +family will be restored: which is what is heartily wished by + +Your loving uncle, JOHN HARLOWE. + +Unless it be to the purpose our hearts are set upon, you need not write +again. + + +***** + + +This man have more terror at seeing me, than I can have at seeing +him!--How can that be? If he had half as much, he would not wish to see +me!--His motive love!--Yes, indeed! Love of himself! He knows no other; +for love, that deserves the name, seeks the satisfaction of the beloved +object more than its own. Weighed in this scale, what a profanation is +this man guilty of! + +Not to take up my resolution beforehand!--That advice comes too late. + +But I must make a discreet use of my pen. That, I doubt, as they have +managed it, in the sense they mean it, is as much out of my power, as +the other. + +But write to one man, when I am designed for another!--What a shocking +expression is that! + +Repenting of my appointment with Mr. Lovelace before I had this favour +granted me, you may believe I hesitated not a moment to revoke it now +that I had gained such a respite. Accordingly, I wrote, 'That I found +it inconvenient to meet him, as I had intended: that the risque I should +run of a discovery, and the mischiefs that might flow from it, could not +be justified by any end that such a meeting could answer: that I found +one certain servant more in my way, when I took my morning and evening +airings, than any other: that the person who might reveal the secrets +of a family to him, might, if opportunity were given him, betray me, or +him, to those whom it was his duty to serve: that I had not been used to +a conduct so faulty, as to lay myself at the mercy of servants: and was +sorry he had measures to pursue, that made steps necessary in his own +opinion, which, in mine, were very culpable, and which no end could +justify: that things drawing towards a crisis between my friends and me, +an interview could avail nothing; especially as the method by which this +correspondence was carried on was not suspected, and he could write all +that was in his mind to write: that I expected to be at liberty to judge +of what was proper and fit upon this occasion: especially as he might be +assured, that I would sooner choose death, than Mr. Solmes.' + + +TUESDAY NIGHT. + +I have deposited my letter to Mr. Lovelace. Threatening as things look +against me, I am much better pleased with myself for declining the +interview than I was before. I suppose he will be a little out of humour +upon it, however: but as I reserved to myself the liberty of changing my +mind; and as it is easy for him to imagine there may be reasons for it +within-doors, which he cannot judge of without; besides those I have +suggested, which of themselves are of sufficient weight to engage his +acquiescence; I should think it strange, if he acquiesces not on this +occasion, and that with a cheerfulness, which may shew me, that his last +letter is written from his heart: For, if he be really so much concerned +at his past faults, as he pretends, and has for some time pretended, +must he not, of course, have corrected, in some degree, the impetuosity +of his temper? The first step to reformation, as I conceive, is to +subdue sudden gusts of passion, from which frequently the greatest evils +arise, and to learn to bear disappointments. If the irascible passions +cannot be overcome, what opinion can we have of the person's power over +those to which bad habit, joined to greater temptation, gives stronger +force? + +Pray, my dear, be so kind as to make inquiry, by some safe hand, after +the disguises Mr. Lovelace assumes at the inn he puts up at in the poor +village of Neale, he calls it. If it be the same I take it to be, I +never knew it was considerable enough to have a name; nor that it has an +inn in it. + +As he must, to be so constantly near us, be much there, I would be glad +to have some account of his behaviour; and what the people think of him. +In such a length of time, he must by his conduct either give scandal, +or hope of reformation. Pray, my dear, humour me in this inquiry. I have +reason for it, which you shall be acquainted with another time, if the +result of the inquiry discover them not. + + + + +LETTER XX + +MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWE WEDNESDAY MORNING, NINE O'CLOCK. + + +I am just returned from my morning walk, and already have received a +letter from Mr. Lovelace in answer to mine deposited last night. He +must have had pen, ink, and paper with him; for it was written in the +coppice; with this circumstance: On one knee, kneeling with the other. +Not from reverence to the written to, however, as you'll find! + +Well we are instructed early to keep these men at distance. An +undesigning open heart, where it is loth to disoblige, is easily drawn +in, I see, to oblige more than ever it designed. It is too apt to govern +itself by what a bold spirit is encouraged to expect of it. It is very +difficult for a good-natured young person to give a negative where it +disesteems not. + +Our hearts may harden and contract, as we gain experience, and when we +have smarted perhaps for our easy folly: and so they ought, or we should +be upon very unequal terms with the world. + +Excuse these grave reflections. This man has vexed me heartily. I see +his gentleness was art: fierceness, and a temper like what I have been +too much used to at home, are Nature in him. Nothing, I think, shall +ever make me forgive him; for, surely, there can be no good reason for +his impatience on an expectation given with reserve, and revocable.--I +so much to suffer through him; yet, to be treated as if I were obliged +to bear insults from him--! + +But here you will be pleased to read his letter; which I shall enclose. + + +TO MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE + +GOOD GOD! + +What is now to become of me!--How shall I support this +disappointment!--No new cause!--On one knee, kneeling with the other, I +write!--My feet benumbed with midnight wanderings through the heaviest +dews that ever fell: my wig and my linen dripping with the hoar frost +dissolving on them!--Day but just breaking--Sun not risen to exhale--May +it never rise again!--Unless it bring healing and comfort to a benighted +soul! In proportion to the joy you had inspired (ever lovely promiser!) +in such proportion is my anguish! + +O my beloved creature!--But are not your very excuses confessions of +excuses inexcusable? I know not what I write!--That servant in your +way!* By the great God of Heaven, that servant was not, dared not, could +not, be in your way!--Curse upon the cool caution that is pleased to +deprive me of an expectation so transporting! + + + * See Letter XIX. + + +And are things drawing towards a crisis between your friends and +you?--Is not this a reason for me to expect, the rather to expect, the +promised interview? + +CAN I write all that is in my mind, say you?--Impossible!--Not the +hundredth part of what is in my mind, and in my apprehension, can I +write! + +Oh! the wavering, the changeable sex!--But can Miss Clarissa Harlowe-- + +Forgive me, Madam!--I know not what I write! + +Yet, I must, I do, insist upon your promise--or that you will condescend +to find better excuses for the failure--or convince me, that stronger +reasons are imposed upon you, than those you offer.--A promise once +given (upon deliberation given,) the promised only can dispense with; +except in cases of a very apparent necessity imposed upon the promiser, +which leaves no power to perform it. + +The first promise you ever made me! Life and death perhaps depending +upon it--my heart desponding from the barbarous methods resolved to be +taken with you in malice to me! + +You would sooner choose death than Solmes. (How my soul spurns the +competition!) O my beloved creature, what are these but words?--Whose +words?--Sweet and ever adorable--What?--Promise breaker--must I call +you?--How shall I believe the asseveration, (your supposed duty in the +question! Persecution so flaming!--Hatred to me so strongly avowed!) +after this instance of you so lightly dispensing with your promise? + +If, my dearest life! you would prevent my distraction, or, at least, +distracted consequences, renew the promised hope!--My fate is indeed +upon its crisis. + +Forgive me, dearest creature, forgive me!--I know I have written in too +much anguish of mind!--Writing this, in the same moment that the just +dawning light has imparted to me the heavy disappointment. + +I dare not re-peruse what I have written. I must deposit it. It may +serve to shew you my distracted apprehension that this disappointment is +but a prelude to the greatest of all.--Nor, having here any other paper, +am I able to write again, if I would, on this gloomy spot. (Gloomy is +my soul; and all Nature around me partakes of my gloom!)--I trust it +therefore to your goodness--if its fervour excite your displeasure +rather than your pity, you wrong my passion; and I shall be ready to +apprehend, that I am intended to be the sacrifice of more miscreants +than one! [Have patience with me, dearest creature!--I mean Solmes and +your brother only.] But if, exerting your usual generosity, you will +excuse and re appoint, may that God, whom you profess to serve, and who +is the God of truth and of promises, protect and bless you, for both; +and for restoring to himself, and to hope, + +Your ever-adoring, yet almost desponding, LOVELACE! + +Ivy Cavern, in the Coppice--Day but just breaking. + + +***** + + +This is the answer I shall return: + + +WEDNESDAY MORNING. + +I am amazed, Sir, at the freedom of your reproaches. Pressed and teased, +against convenience and inclination, to give you a private meeting, am I +to be thus challenged and upbraided, and my sex reflected upon, because +I thought it prudent to change my mind?--A liberty I had reserved +to myself, when I made the appointment, as you call it. I wanted not +instances of your impatient spirit to other people: yet may it be happy +for me, that I can have this new one; which shows, that you can as +little spare me, when I pursue the dictates of my own reason, as you do +others, for acting up to theirs. Two motives you must be governed by in +this excess. The one my easiness; the other your own presumption. Since +you think you have found out the first, and have shown so much of the +last upon it, I am too much alarmed, not to wish and desire, that your +letter of this day may conclude all the trouble you had from, or for, + +Your humble servant, CL. HARLOWE. + + +***** + + +I believe, my dear, I may promise myself your approbation, whenever I +write or speak with spirit, be it to whom it will. Indeed, I find but +too much reason to exert it, since I have to deal with people, who +govern themselves in their conduct to me, not by what is fit or decent, +right or wrong, but by what they think my temper will bear. I have, till +very lately, been praised for mine; but it has always been by those who +never gave me opportunity to return the compliment to them. Some people +have acted, as if they thought forbearance on one side absolutely +necessary for them and me to be upon good terms together; and in this +case have ever taken care rather to owe that obligation than to lay it. +You have hinted to me, that resentment is not natural to my temper, and +that therefore it must soon subside: it may be so with respect to my +relations; but not to Mr. Lovelace, I assure you. + + +WEDNESDAY NOON, MARCH 29. + +We cannot always answer for what we can do: but to convince you, that I +can keep my above resolution, with regard to Mr. Lovelace, angry as my +letter is, and three hours since it was written, I assure you, that I +repent it not; nor will soften it, although I find it is not taken away. +And yet I hardly ever before did any thing in anger, that I did not +repent in half an hour; and question myself in less that that time, +whether I was right or wrong. + +In this respite till Tuesday, I have a little time to look about me, +as I may say, and to consider of what I have to do, and can do. And Mr. +Lovelace's insolence will make me go very home with myself. Not that I +think I can conquer my aversion to Mr. Solmes. I am sure I cannot. But, +if I absolutely break with Mr. Lovelace, and give my friends convincing +proofs of it, who knows but they will restore me to their favour, and +let their views in relation to the other man go off by degrees?--Or, +at least, that I may be safe till my cousin Morden arrives: to whom, +I think, I will write; and the rather, as Mr. Lovelace has assured +me, that my friends have written to him to make good their side of the +question. + +But, with all my courage, I am exceedingly apprehensive about the +Tuesday next, and about what may result from my steadfastness; for +steadfast I am sure I shall be. They are resolved, I am told, to try +every means to induce me to comply with what they are determined upon. +And I am resolved to do all I can to avoid what they would force me to +do. A dreadful contention between parents and child!--Each hoping to +leave the other without excuse, whatever the consequence may be. + +What can I do? Advise me, my dear. Something is strangely wrong +somewhere! to make parents, the most indulgent till now, seem cruel in +a child's eye; and a daughter, till within these few weeks, thought +unexceptionably dutiful, appear, in their judgment, a rebel!--Oh! my +ambitious and violent brother! What may he have to answer for to both! + +Be pleased to remember, my dear, that your last favour was dated on +Saturday. This is Wednesday: and none of mine have been taken away +since. Don't let me want you advice. My situation is extremely +difficult.--But I am sure you love me still: and not the less on that +account. Adieu, my beloved friend. + +CL. HARLOWE. + + + + +LETTER XXI + +MISS HOWE, TO MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE THURSDAY MORNING, DAY-BREAK, MARCH +30. + +An accident, and not remissness, has occasioned my silence. + +My mother was sent for on Sunday night by her cousin Larkin, whom I +mentioned in one of my former, and who was extremely earnest to see her. + +This poor woman was always afraid of death, and was one of those weak +persons who imagine that the making of their will must be an undoubted +forerunner of it. + +She had always said, when urged to the necessary work, That whenever she +made it, she should not live long after; and, one would think, imagined +she was under an obligation to prove her words: for, though she had been +long bed-rid, and was, in a manner, worn out before, yet she thought +herself better, till she was persuaded to make it: and from that moment, +remembering what she used to prognosticate, (her fears, helping on what +she feared, as is often the case, particularly in the small-pox,) grew +worse; and had it in her head once to burn her will, in hopes to grow +better upon it. + +She sent my mother word, that the doctors had given her over: but that +she could not die till she saw her. I told my mother, That if she wished +her a chance for recovery, she should not, for that reason, go. But go +she would; and, what was worse, would make me go with her; and that, at +an hour's warning; for she said nothing of it to me, till she was rising +in the morning early, resolving to return again at night. Had there been +more time for argumentation, to be sure I had not gone; but as it was, +there was a kind of necessity that my preparation to obey her, should, +in a manner, accompany her command.--A command so much out of the way, +on such a solemn occasion! And this I represented: but to no purpose: +There never was such a contradicting girl in the world--My wisdom +always made her a fool!--But she would be obliged this time, proper or +improper. + +I have but one way of accounting for this sudden whim of my mother; and +that is this--She had a mind to accept of Mr. Hickman's offer to escort +her:--and I verily believe [I wish I were quite sure of it] had a mind +to oblige him with my company--as far as I know, to keep me out of +worse. + +For, would you believe it?--as sure as you are alive, she is afraid for +her favourite Hickman, because of the long visit your Lovelace, though +so much by accident, made me in her absence, last time she was at the +same place. I hope, my dear, you are not jealous too. But indeed I +now-and-then, when she teases me with praises which Hickman cannot +deserve, in return fall to praising those qualities and personalities in +Lovelace, which the other never will have. Indeed I do love to tease a +little bit, that I do.--My mamma's girl--I had like to have said. + +As you know she is as passionate, as I am pert, you will not wonder to +be told, that we generally fall out on these occasions. She flies from +me, at the long run. It would be undutiful in me to leave her first--and +then I get an opportunity to pursue our correspondence. + +For, now I am rambling, let me tell you, that she does not much favour +that;--for two reasons, I believe:--One, that I don't shew her all that +passes between us; the other, that she thinks I harden your mind against +your duty, as it is called. And with her, for a reason at home, as I +have hinted more than once, parents cannot do wrong; children cannot +oppose, and be right. This obliges me now-and-then to steal an hour, as +I may say, and not let her know how I am employed. + +You may guess from what I have written, how averse I was to comply with +such an unreasonable stretch of motherly authority. But it came to be a +test of duty; so I was obliged to yield, though with a full persuasion +of being in the right. + +I have always your reproofs upon these occasions: in your late letters +stronger than ever. A good reason why, you'll say, because more deserved +than ever. I thank you kindly for your correction. I hope to make +correction of it. But let me tell you, that your stripes, whether +deserved or not, have made me sensible, deeper than the skin--but of +this another time. + +It was Monday afternoon before we reached the old lady's house. That +fiddling, parading fellow [you know who I mean] made us wait for him two +hours, and I to go to a journey I disliked! only for the sake of having +a little more tawdry upon his housings; which he had hurried his sadler +to put on, to make him look fine, being to escort his dear Madam Howe, +and her fair daughter. I told him, that I supposed he was afraid, that +the double solemnity in the case (that of the visit to a dying woman, +and that of his own countenance) would give him the appearance of an +undertaker; to avoid which, he ran into as bad an extreme, and I doubted +would be taken for a mountebank. + +The man was confounded. He took it as strongly, as if his conscience +gave assent to the justice of the remark: otherwise he would have borne +it better; for he is used enough to this sort of treatment. I thought he +would have cried. I have heretofore observed, that on this side of the +contract, he seems to be a mighty meek sort of creature. And though I +should like it in him hereafter perhaps, yet I can't help despising him +a little in my heart for it now. I believe, my dear, we all love your +blustering fellows best; could we but direct the bluster, and bid it +roar when and at whom we pleased. + +The poor man looked at my mother. She was so angry, (my airs upon it, +and my opposition to the journey, have all helped,) that for half the +way she would not speak to me. And when she did, it was, I wish I had +not brought you! You know not what it is to condescend. It is my fault, +not Mr. Hickman's, that you are here so much against your will. Have you +no eyes for this side of the chariot? + +And then he fared the better from her, as he always does, for faring +worse from me: for there was, How do you now, Sir? And how do you now, +Mr. Hickman? as he ambled now on this side of the chariot, now on that, +stealing a prim look at me; her head half out of the chariot, kindly +smiling, as if married to the man but a fortnight herself: while I +always saw something to divert myself on the side of the chariot where +the honest man was not, were it but old Robin at a distance, on his roan +Keffel. + +Our courtship-days, they say, are our best days. Favour destroys +courtship. Distance increases it. Its essence is distance. And, to see +how familiar these men-wretches grow upon a smile, what an awe they are +struck into when we frown; who would not make them stand off? Who would +not enjoy a power, that is to be short-lived? + +Don't chide me one bit for this, my dear. It is in nature. I can't help +it. Nay, for that matter, I love it, and wish not to help it. So spare +your gravity, I beseech you on this subject. I set up not for a perfect +character. The man will bear it. And what need you care? My mother +overbalances all he suffers: And if he thinks himself unhappy, he ought +never to be otherwise. + +Then did he not deserve a fit of the sullens, think you, to make us lose +our dinner for his parade, since in so short a journey my mother would +not bait, and lose the opportunity of coming back that night, had the +old lady's condition permitted it? To say nothing of being the cause, +that my mamma was in the glout with her poor daughter all the way. + +At our alighting I gave him another dab; but it was but a little one. +Yet the manner, and the air, made up (as I intended they should) for +that defect. My mother's hand was kindly put into his, with a simpering +altogether bridal; and with another How do you now, Sir?--All his plump +muscles were in motion, and a double charge of care and obsequiousness +fidgeted up his whole form, when he offered to me his officious palm. +My mother, when I was a girl, always bid me hold up my head. I just then +remembered her commands, and was dutiful--I never held up my head so +high. With an averted supercilious eye, and a rejecting hand, half +flourishing--I have no need of help, Sir!--You are in my way. + +He ran back, as if on wheels; with a face excessively mortified: I had +thoughts else to have followed the too-gentle touch, with a declaration, +that I had as many hands and feet as himself. But this would have been +telling him a piece of news, as to the latter, that I hope he had not +the presumption to guess at. + + +***** + + +We found the poor woman, as we thought, at the last gasp. Had we come +sooner, we could not have got away as we intended, that night. You see I +am for excusing the man all I can; and yet, I assure you, I have not so +much as a conditional liking to him. My mother sat up most part of the +night, expecting every hour would have been her poor cousin's last. I +bore her company till two. + +I never saw the approaches of death in a grown person before; and was +extremely shocked. Death, to one in health, is a very terrible thing. We +pity the person for what she suffers: and we pity ourselves for what we +must some time hence in like sort suffer; and so are doubly affected. + +She held out till Tuesday morning, eleven. As she had told my mother +that she had left her an executrix, and her and me rings and mourning; +we were employed all that day in matters of the will [by which, by the +way, my own cousin Jenny Fynnett is handsomely provided for], so that it +was Wednesday morning early, before we could set out on our return. + +It is true, we got home (having no housings to stay for) by noon: but +though I sent Robin away before he dismounted, (who brought me back +a whole packet, down to the same Wednesday noon,) yet was I really so +fatigued, and shocked, as I must own, at the hard death of the old +lady; my mother likewise (who has no reason to dislike this world) being +indisposed from the same occasion; that I could not set about writing +time enough for Robin's return that night. + +But having recruited my spirits, my mother having also had a good night, +I arose with the dawn, to write this, and get it dispatched time enough +for your breakfast airing; that your suspense might be as short as +possible. + + +***** + + +I will soon follow this with another. I will employ a person directly +to find out how Lovelace behaves himself at his inn. Such a busy spirit +must be traceable. + +But, perhaps, my dear, you are indifferent now about him, or his +employments; for this request was made before he mortally offended you. +Nevertheless, I will have inquiry made. The result, it is very probable, +will be of use to confirm you in your present unforgiving temper.--And +yet, if the poor man [shall I pity him for you, my dear?] should be +deprived of the greatest blessing any man on earth can receive, and to +which he has the presumption, with so little merit, to aspire; he will +have run great risks; caught great colds; hazarded fevers; sustained +the highest indignities; braved the inclemencies of skies, and all +for--nothing!--Will not this move your generosity (if nothing else) in +his favour!--Poor Mr. Lovelace--! + +I would occasion no throb; nor half-throb; no flash of sensibility, like +lightning darting in, and as soon suppressed by a discretion that no +one of the sex ever before could give such an example of--I would not, +I say; and yet, for such a trial of you to yourself, rather than as an +impertinent overflow of raillery in your friend, as money-takers try a +suspected guinea by the sound, let me on such a supposition, sound you, +by repeating, poor Mr. Lovelace! + +And now, my dear, how is it with you? How do you now, as my mother says +to Mr. Hickman, when her pert daughter has made him look sorrowful? + + + + +LETTER XXII + +MR. HICKMAN, TO MRS. HOWE WEDNESDAY, MARCH 29. + + +MADAM, + +It is with infinite regret that I think myself obliged, by pen and ink, +to repeat my apprehension, that it is impossible for me ever to obtain a +share in the affections of your beloved daughter. O that it were not too +evident to every one, as well as to myself, even to our very servants, +that my love for her, and my assiduities, expose me rather to her scorn +[forgive me, Madam, the hard word!] than to the treatment due to a man +whose proposals have met with your approbation, and who loves her above +all the women in the world! + +Well might the merit of my passion be doubted, if, like Mr. Solmes to +the truly-admirably Miss Clarissa Harlowe, I could continue my addresses +to Miss Howe's distaste. Yet what will not the discontinuance cost me! + +Give me leave, nevertheless, dearest, worthiest Lady, to repeat, what I +told you, on Monday night, at Mrs. Larkin's, with a heart even bursting +with grief, That I wanted not the treatment of that day to convince +me, that I am not, nor ever can be, the object of Miss Howe's voluntary +favour. What hopes can there be, that a lady will ever esteem, as a +husband, the man, whom, as a lover, she despises? Will not every act +of obligingness from such a one, be construed as an unmanly tameness +of spirit, and entitle him the more to her disdain?--My heart is full: +Forgive me, if I say, that Miss Howe's treatment of me does no credit +either to her education, or fine sense. + +Since, then, it is too evident, that she cannot esteem me; and since, as +I have heard it justly observed by the excellent Miss Clarissa Harlowe, +that love is not a voluntary passion; would it not be ungenerous to +subject the dear daughter to the displeasure of a mother so justly fond +of her; and you, Madam, while you are so good as to interest yourself in +my favour, to uneasiness? And why, were I even to be sure, at last, of +succeeding by means of your kind partiality to me, should I wish to make +the best-beloved of my soul unhappy; since mutual must be our happiness, +or misery for life the consequence to both? + +My best wishes will for ever attend the dear, the ever-dear lady! may +her nuptials be happy! they must be so, if she marry the man she can +honour with her love. Yet I will say, that whoever be the happy, the +thrice-happy man, he can never love her with a passion more ardent and +more sincere than mine. + +Accept, dear Madam, of my most grateful thanks for a distinction that +has been the only support of my presumption in an address I am obliged, +as utterly hopeless, to discontinue. A distinction, on which (and not +on my own merits) I had entirely relied; but which, I find, can avail me +nothing. To the last hour of my life, it will give me pleasure to think, +that had your favour, your recommendation, been of sufficient weight to +conquer what seems to be an invincible aversion, I had been the happiest +of men. + +I am, dear Madam, with inviolable respect, your ever obliged and +faithful humble servant, CHARLES HICKMAN. + + + + +LETTER XXIII + +MRS. HOWE, TO CHARLES HICKMAN, ESQ. THURSDAY, MARCH 30. + + +I cannot but say, Mr. Hickman, but you have cause to be dissatisfied--to +be out of humour--to be displeased--with Nancy--but, upon my word; but +indeed--What shall I say?--Yet this I will say, that you good young +gentlemen know nothing at all of our sex. Shall I tell you--but why +should I? And yet I will, that if Nancy did not think well of you upon +the main, she is too generous to treat you so freely as she does.--Don't +you think she has courage enough to tell me, she would not see you, and +to refuse at any time seeing you, as she knows on what account you come, +if she had not something in her head favourable to you?--Fie! that I am +forced to say thus much in writing, when I have hinted it to you twenty +and twenty times by word of mouth! + +But if you are so indifferent, Mr. Hickman--if you think you can part +with her for her skittish tricks--if my interest in your favour--Why, +Mr. Hickman, I must tell you that my Nancy is worth bearing with. If she +be foolish--what is that owing to?--Is it not to her wit? Let me tell +you, Sir, you cannot have the convenience without the inconvenience. +What workman loves not a sharp tool to work with? But is there not more +danger from a sharp tool than from a blunt one? And what workman will +throw away a sharp tool, because it may cut his fingers? Wit may be +likened to a sharp tool. And there is something very pretty in wit, let +me tell you. Often and often have I been forced to smile at her arch +turns upon me, when I could have beat her for them. And, pray, don't I +bear a great deal from her?--And why? because I love her. And would you +not wish me to judge of your love for her by my own? And would not you +bear with her?--Don't you love her (what though with another sort of +love?) as well as I do? I do assure you, Sir, that if I thought you did +not--Well, but it is plain that you don't!--And is it plain that you +don't?--Well, then, you must do as you think best. + +Well might the merit of your passion be doubted, you say, if, like Mr. +Solmes--fiddle-faddle!--Why, you are a captious man, I think!--Has Nancy +been so plain in her repulses of you as Miss Clary Harlowe has been to +Mr. Solmes?--Does Nancy love any man better than you, although she may +not shew so much love to you as you wish for?--If she did, let me tell +you, she would have let us all hear of it.--What idle comparisons then! + +But it mat be you are tired out. It may be you have seen somebody +else--it may be you would wish to change mistresses with that gay wretch +Mr. Lovelace. It may be too, that, in that case, Nancy would not be +sorry to change lovers--The truly-admirable Miss Clarissa Harlowe!--Good +lack!-but take care, Mr. Hickman, that you do not praise any woman +living, let her be as admirable and as excellent as she will, above your +own mistress. No polite man will do that, surely. And take care +too, that you do not make her or me think you are in earnest in your +anger--just though it may be, as anger only--I would not for a thousand +pounds, that Nancy should know that you can so easily part with her, if +you have the love for her which you declare you have. Be sure, if you +are not absolutely determined, that you do not so much as whisper the +contents of this your letter to your own heart, as I may say. + +Her treatment of you, you say, does no credit either to her education +or fine sense. Very home put, truly! Nevertheless, so say I. But is not +hers the disgrace, more than yours? I can assure you, that every body +blames her for it. And why do they blame her?--Why? because they think +you merit better treatment at her hands: And is not this to your credit? +Who but pities you, and blames he? Do the servants, who, as you observe, +see her skittish airs, disrespect you for them? Do they not, at such +times, look concerned for you? Are they not then doubly officious in +their respects and services to you?--I have observed, with pleasure, +that they are. + +But you are afraid you shall be thought tame, perhaps, when married. +That you shall not be though manly enough, I warrant!--And this was poor +Mr. Howe's fear. And many a tug did this lordly fear cost us both, God +knows!--Many more than needed, I am sure:--and more than ought to have +been, had he known how to bear and forbear; as is the duty of those who +pretend to have most sense--And, pray, which would you have to have most +sense, the woman or the man? + +Well, Sir, and now what remains, if you really love Nancy so well as you +say you do?--Why, I leave that to you. You may, if you please, come to +breakfast with me in the morning. But with no full heart, nor resenting +looks, I advise you; except you can brave it out. That have I, when +provoked, done many a time with my husband, but never did I get any +thing by it with my daughter: much less will you. Of which, for your +observation, I thought fit to advise you. As from + +Your friend, Anabella Howe. + + + + +LETTER XXIV + +MISS HOWE, TO MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE THURSDAY MORNING. + + +I will now take some notice of your last favour. But being so far +behind-hand with you, must be brief. + +In the first place, as to your reproofs, thus shall I discharge myself +of that part of my subject. Is it likely, think you, that I should avoid +deserving them now-and-then, occasionally, when I admire the manner in +which you give me your rebukes, and love you the better for them? And +when you are so well entitled to give them? For what faults can you +possibly have, unless your relations are so kind as to find you a few to +keep their many in countenance?--But they are as king to me in this, as +to you; for I may venture to affirm, That any one who should read +your letters, and would say you were right, would not on reading mine, +condemn me for them quite wrong. + +Your resolution not to leave your father's house is right--if you can +stay in it, and avoid being Solmes's wife. + +I think you have answered Solmes's letter, as I should have answered +it.--Will you not compliment me and yourself at once, by saying, that +was right? + +You have, in your letters to your uncle and the rest, done all that you +ought to do. You are wholly guiltless of the consequence, be it what it +will. To offer to give up your estate!--That would not I have done! You +see this offer staggered them: they took time to consider of it. They +made my heart ache in the time they took. I was afraid they would have +taken you at your word: and so, but for shame, and for fear of Lovelace, +I dare say they would. You are too noble for them. This, I repeat, is an +offer I would not have made. Let me beg of you, my dear, never to repeat +the temptation to them. + +I freely own to you, that their usage of you upon it, and Lovelace's +different treatment of you* in his letter received at the same time, +would have made me his, past redemption. The duce take the man, I was +going to say, for not having so much regard to his character and morals, +as would have entirely justified such a step in a CLARISSA, persecuted +as she is! + + + * See Letter XVIII. + + +I wonder not at your appointment with him. I may further touch upon some +part of this subject by-and-by. + +Pray--pray--I pray you now, my dearest friend, contrive to send your +Betty Banes to me!--Does the Coventry Act extend to women, know ye?--The +least I will do, shall be, to send her home well soused in and dragged +through our deepest horsepond. I'll engage, if I get her hither, that +she will keep the anniversary of her deliverance as long as she lives. + +I wonder not at Lovelace's saucy answer, saucy as it really is.* If he +loves you as he ought, he must be vexed at so great a disappointment. +The man must have been a detestable hypocrite, I think, had he not shown +his vexation. Your expectations of such a christian command of temper +in him, in a disappointment of this nature especially, are too early by +almost half a century in a man of his constitution. But nevertheless I +am very far from blaming you for your resentment. + + + * See Letter XX. + + +I shall be all impatience to know how this matter ends between you and +him. But a few inches of brick wall between you so lately; and now such +mountains?--And you think to hold it?--May be so! + +You see, you say, that the temper he shewed in his letter was not +natural to him. Wretched creepers and insinuators! Yet when opportunity +serves, as insolent encroachers!--This very Hickman, I make no doubt, +would be as saucy as your Lovelace, if he dared. He has not half the +arrogant bravery of the other, and can better hide his horns; that's +all. But whenever he has the power, depend upon it, he will butt at one +as valiantly as the other. + +If ever I should be persuaded to have him, I shall watch how the +obsequious lover goes off; and how the imperative husband comes upon +him; in short, how he ascends, and how I descend, in the matrimonial +wheel, never to take my turn again, but by fits and starts like the +feeble struggles of a sinking state for its dying liberty. + +All good-natured men are passionate, says Mr. Lovelace. A pretty plea +to a beloved object in the plenitude of her power! As much as to say, +'Greatly I value you, Madam, I will not take pains to curb my passions +to oblige you'--Methinks I should be glad to hear from Mr. Hickman such +a plea for good nature as this. + +Indeed, we are too apt to make allowances for such tempers as early +indulgence has made uncontroulable; and therefore habitually evil. But +if a boisterous temper, when under obligation, is to be thus allowed +for, what, when the tables are turned, will it expect? You know a +husband, who, I fancy, had some of these early allowances made for him: +and you see that neither himself nor any body else is the happier for +it. + +The suiting of the tempers of two persons who are to come together, is +a great matter: and there should be boundaries fixed between them, by +consent as it were, beyond which neither should go: and each should hold +the other to it; or there would probably be encroachment in both. To +illustrate my assertion by a very high, and by a more manly (as some +would think it) than womanly instance--if the boundaries of the +three estates that constitute our political union were not known, +and occasionally asserted, what would become of the prerogatives and +privileges of each? The two branches of the legislature would encroach +upon each other; and the executive power would swallow up both. + +But if two persons of discretion, you'll say, come together-- + +Ay, my dear, that's true: but, if none but persons of discretion were +to marry--And would it not surprise you if I were to advance, that the +persons of discretion are generally single?--Such persons are apt +to consider too much, to resolve.--Are not you and I complimented as +such?--And would either of us marry, if the fellows and our friends +would let us alone? + +But to the former point;--had Lovelace made his addresses to me, (unless +indeed I had been taken with a liking for him more than conditional,) +I would have forbid him, upon the first passionate instance of his +good-nature, as he calls it, ever to see me more: 'Thou must bear with +me, honest friend, might I have said [had I condescended to say any +thing to him] an hundred times more than this:--Begone, therefore!--I +bear with no passions that are predominant to that thou has pretended +for me!' + +But to one of your mild and gentle temper, it would be all one, were +you married, whether the man were a Lovelace or a Hickman in his +spirit.--You are so obediently principled, that perhaps you would have +told a mild man, that he must not entreat, but command; and that it +was beneath him not to exact from you the obedience you had so solemnly +vowed to him at the altar.--I know of old, my dear, your meek regard +to that little piddling part of the marriage-vow which some +prerogative-monger foisted into the office, to make that a duty, which +he knew was not a right. + +Our way of training-up, you say, makes us need the protection of the +brave. Very true: And how extremely brave and gallant is it, that this +brave man will free us from all insults but those which will go nearest +to our hearts; that is to say, his own! + +How artfully has Lovelace, in the abstract you give me of one of +his letters, calculated to your meridian! Generous spirits hate +compulsion!--He is certainly a deeper creature by much than once we +thought him. He knows, as you intimate, that his own wild pranks cannot +be concealed: and so owns just enough to palliate (because it teaches +you not to be surprised at) any new one, that may come to your ears; and +then, truly, he is, however faulty, a mighty ingenuous man; and by no +means an hypocrite: a character the most odious of all others, to our +sex, in a lover, and the least to be forgiven, were it only because, +when detected, it makes us doubt the justice of those praises which we +are willing to believe he thought to be our due. + +By means of this supposed ingenuity, Lovelace obtains a praise, instead +of a merited dispraise; and, like an absolved confessionaire, wipes off +as he goes along one score, to begin another: for an eye favourable +to him will not see his faults through a magnifying glass; nor will a +woman, willing to hope the best, forbear to impute it to ill-will and +prejudice all that charity can make so imputable. And if she even give +credit to such of the unfavourable imputations as may be too flagrant +to be doubted, she will be very apt to take in the future hope, which +he inculcates, and which to question would be to question her own power, +and perhaps merit: and thus may a woman be inclined to make a slight, +even a fancied merit atone for the most glaring vice. + +I have a reason, a new one, for this preachment upon a text you have +given me. But, till I am better informed, I will not explain myself. +If it come out, as I shrewdly suspect it will, the man, my dear, is a +devil; and you must rather think of--I protest I had like to have said +Solmes than him. + +But let this be as it will, shall I tell you, how, after all his +offences, he may creep in with you again? + +I will. Thus then: It is but to claim for himself the good-natured +character: and this, granted, will blot out the fault of passionate +insolence: and so he will have nothing to do, but this hour to +accustom you to insult; the next, to bring you to forgive him, upon +his submission: the consequence must be, that he will, by this teazing, +break your resentment all to pieces: and then, a little more of the +insult, and a little less of the submission, on his part, will go down, +till nothing else but the first will be seen, and not a bit of the +second. You will then be afraid to provoke so offensive a spirit: and +at last will be brought so prettily, and so audibly, to pronounce the +little reptile word OBEY, that it will do one's heart good to hear you. +The Muscovite wife then takes place of the managed mistress. And if +you doubt the progression, be pleased, my dear, to take your mother's +judgment upon it. + +But no more of this just now. Your situation is become too critical to +permit me to dwell upon these sort of topics. And yet this is but an +affected levity with me. My heart, as I have heretofore said, is a +sincere sharer in all your distresses. My sun-shine darts but through +a drizly cloud. My eye, were you to see it, when it seems to you so +gladdened, as you mentioned in a former, is more than ready to overflow, +even at the very passages perhaps upon which you impute to me the +archness of exultation. + +But now the unheard-of cruelty and perverseness of some of your friends +[relations, I should say--I am always blundering thus!] the as strange +determinedness of others; your present quarrel with Lovelace; and your +approaching interview with Solmes, from which you are right to apprehend +a great deal; are such considerable circumstances in your story, that it +is fit they should engross all my attention. + +You ask me to advise you how to behave upon Solmes's visit. I cannot for +my life. I know they expect a great deal from it: you had not else had +your long day complied with. All I will say is, That if Solmes cannot +be prevailed for, now that Lovelace has so much offended you, he never +will. When the interview is over, I doubt not but that I shall have +reason to say, that all you did, that all you said, was right, and could +not be better: yet, if I don't think so, I won't say so; that I promise +you. + +Only let me advise you to pull up a spirit, even to your uncle, if there +be occasion. Resent the vile and foolish treatment you meet with, in +which he has taken so large a share, and make him ashamed of it, if you +can. + +I know not, upon recollection, but this interview may be a good thing +for you, however designed. For when Solmes sees (if that be to be so) +that it is impossible he should succeed with you; and your relations see +it too; the one must, I think, recede, and the other come to terms with +you, upon offers, that it is my opinion, will go hard enough with you to +comply with; when the still harder are dispensed with. + +There are several passages in your last letters, as well as in your +former, which authorize me to say this. But it would be unseasonable to +touch this subject farther just now. + +But, upon the whole, I have no patience to see you thus made sport of +your brother's and sister's cruelty: For what, after so much steadiness +on your part, in so many trials, can be their hope? except indeed it be +to drive you to extremity, and to ruin you in the opinion of your uncles +as well as father. + +I urge you by all means to send out of their reach all the letters +and papers you would not have them see. Methinks, I would wish you to +deposit likewise a parcel of clothes, linen, and the like, before your +interview with Solmes: lest you should not have an opportunity for it +afterwards. Robin shall fetch it away on the first orders by day or by +night. + +I am in hopes to procure from my mother, if things come to extremity, +leave for you to be privately with us. + +I will condition to be good-humoured, and even kind, to HER favourite, +if she will shew me an indulgence that shall make me serviceable to +MINE. + +This alternative has been a good while in my head. But as your foolish +uncle has so strangely attached my mother to their views, I cannot +promise that I shall succeed as I wish. + +Do not absolutely despair, however. What though the contention will be +between woman and woman? I fancy I shall be able to manage it, by the +help of a little female perseverance. Your quarrel with Lovelace, if +it continue, will strengthen my hands. And the offers you made in your +answer to your uncle Harlowe's letter of Sunday night last, duly dwelt +upon, must add force to my pleas. + +I depend upon your forgiveness of all the perhaps unseasonable +flippancies of your naturally too lively, yet most sincerely +sympathizing, ANNA HOWE. + + + + +LETTER XXV + +MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWE FRIDAY, MARCH 31. + + +You have very kindly accounted for your silence. People in misfortune +are always in doubt. They are too apt to turn even unavoidable accidents +into slights and neglects; especially in those whose favourable opinion +they wish to preserve. + +I am sure I ought evermore to exempt my Anna Howe from the supposed +possibility of her becoming one of those who bask only in the sun-shine +of a friend: but nevertheless her friendship is too precious to me, not +to doubt my own merits on the one hand, and not to be anxious for the +preservation of it, on the other. + +You so generously gave me liberty to chide you, that I am afraid of +taking it, because I could sooner mistrust my own judgment, than that of +a beloved friend, whose ingenuousness in acknowledging an imputed error +seems to set her above the commission of a wilful one. This makes +me half-afraid to ask you, if you think you are not too cruel, too +ungenerous shall I say? in your behaviour to a man who loves you so +dearly, and is so worthy and so sincere a man? + +Only it is by YOU, or I should be ashamed to be outdone in that true +magnanimity, which makes one thankful for the wounds given by a true +friend. I believe I was guilty of a petulance, which nothing but my +uneasy situation can excuse; if that can. I am but almost afraid to beg +of you, and yet I repeatedly do, to give way to that charming spirit, +whenever it rises to your pen, which smiles, yet goes to the quick of my +fault. What patient shall be afraid of a probe in so delicate a hand?--I +say, I am almost afraid to pray you to give way to it, for fear you +should, for that very reason, restrain it. For the edge may be taken +off, if it does not make the subject of its raillery wince a little. +Permitted or desired satire may be apt, in a generous satirist, mending +as it rallies, to turn too soon into panegyric. Yours is intended to +instruct; and though it bites, it pleases at the same time: no fear of a +wound's wrankling or festering by so delicate a point as you carry; +not envenomed by personality, not intending to expose, or ridicule, or +exasperate. The most admired of our moderns know nothing of this art: +Why? Because it must be founded in good nature, and directed by a right +heart. The man, not the fault, is generally the subject of their satire: +and were it to be just, how should it be useful; how should it answer +any good purpose; when every gash (for their weapon is a broad sword, +not a lancet) lets in the air of public ridicule, and exasperates where +it should heal? Spare me not therefore because I am your friend. For +that very reason spare me not. I may feel your edge, fine as it is. I +may be pained: you would lose you end if I were not: but after the first +sensibility (as I have said more than once before) I will love you the +better, and my amended heart shall be all yours; and it will then be +more worthy to be yours. + +You have taught me what to say to, and what to think of, Mr. Lovelace. +You have, by agreeable anticipation, let me know how it is probable he +will apply to me to be excused. I will lay every thing before you that +shall pass on the occasion, if he do apply, that I may take your advice, +when it can come in time; and when it cannot, that I may receive your +correction, or approbation, as I may happen to merit either.--Only one +thing must be allowed for me; that whatever course I shall be permitted +or be forced to steer, I must be considered as a person out of her own +direction. Tost to and fro by the high winds of passionate controul, +(and, as I think, unseasonable severity,) I behold the desired port, +the single state, into which I would fain steer; but am kept off by +the foaming billows of a brother's and sister's envy, and by the raging +winds of a supposed invaded authority; while I see in Lovelace, the +rocks on one hand, and in Solmes, the sands on the other; and tremble, +lest I should split upon the former, or strike upon the latter. + +But you, my better pilot, to what a charming hope do you bid me aspire, +if things come to extremity!--I will not, as you caution me, too much +depend upon your success with your mother in my favour; for well I know +her high notions of implicit duty in a child: but yet I will hope too; +because her seasonable protection may save me perhaps from a greater +rashness: and in this case, she shall direct me in all my ways: I will +do nothing but by her orders, and by her advice and yours: not see +any body: not write to any body: nor shall any living soul, but by her +direction and yours, know where I am. In any cottage place me, I will +never stir out, unless, disguised as your servant, I am now-and-then +permitted an evening-walk with you: and this private protection to be +granted for no longer time than till my cousin Morden comes; which, as I +hope, cannot be long. + +I am afraid I must not venture to take the hint you give me, to deposit +some of my clothes; although I will some of my linen, as well as papers. + +I will tell you why--Betty had for some time been very curious about my +wardrobe, whenever I took out any of my things before her. + +Observing this, I once, on taking one of my garden-airings, left my keys +in the locks: and on my return surprised the creature with her hand upon +the keys, as if shutting the door. + +She was confounded at my sudden coming back. I took no notice: but on +her retiring, I found my cloaths were not in the usual order. + +I doubted not, upon this, that her curiosity was owing to the orders she +had received; and being afraid they would abridge me of my airings, if +their suspicions were not obviated, it has ever since been my custom +(among other contrivances) not only to leave my keys in the locks, but +to employ the wench now-and-then in taking out my cloaths, suit by suit, +on pretence of preventing their being rumpled or creased, and to see +that the flowered silver suit did not tarnish: sometimes declaredly to +give myself employment, having little else to do. With which employment +(superadded to the delight taken by the low as well as by the high of +our sex in seeing fine cloaths) she seemed always, I thought, as well +pleased as if it answered one of the offices she had in charge. + +To this, and to the confidence they have in a spy so diligent, and +to their knowing that I have not one confidant in a family in which +nevertheless I believe every servant loves me; nor have attempted +to make one; I suppose, I owe the freedom I enjoy of my airings: and +perhaps (finding I make no movements towards going away) they are the +more secure, that I shall at last be prevailed upon to comply with +their measures: since they must think, that, otherwise, they give me +provocation enough to take some rash step, in order to free myself +from a treatment so disgraceful; and which [God forgive me, if I judge +amiss!] I am afraid my brother and sister would not be sorry to drive me +to take. + +If, therefore, such a step should become necessary, (which I yet hope +will not,) I must be contented to go away with the clothes I shall +have on at the time. My custom to be dressed for the day, as soon as +breakfast is over, when I have had no household employments to prevent +me, will make such a step (if I am forced to take it) less suspected. +And the linen I shall deposit, in pursuance of your kind hint, cannot be +missed. + +This custom, although a prisoner, (as I may too truly say,) and neither +visited nor visiting, I continue. We owe to ourselves, and to our sex, +you know, to be always neat; and never to be surprised in a way we +should be pained to be seen in. + +Besides, people in adversity (which is the state of trial of every good +quality) should endeavour to preserve laudable customs, that, if sun +shine return, they may not be losers by their trial. + +Does it not, moreover, manifest a firmness of mind, in an unhappy +person, to keep hope alive? To hope for better days, is half to deserve +them: for could we have just ground for such a hope, if we did not +resolve to deserve what that hope bids us aspire to?--Then who shall +befriend a person who forsakes herself? + +These are reflections by which I sometimes endeavour to support myself. + +I know you don't despise my grave airs, although (with a view no doubt +to irradiate my mind in my misfortunes) you rally me upon them. Every +body has not your talent of introducing serious and important lessons, +in such a happy manner as at once to delight and instruct. + +What a multitude of contrivances may not young people fall upon, if the +mind be not engaged by acts of kindness and condescension! I am not used +by my friends of late as I always used their servants. + +When I was intrusted with the family-management, I always found it +right, as well in policy as generosity, to repose a trust in them. Not +to seem to expect or depend upon justice from them, is in a manner to +bid them to take opportunities, whenever they offer, to be unjust. + +Mr. Solmes, (to expatiate on this low, but not unuseful subject,) in his +more trifling solicitudes, would have had a sorry key-keeper in me. Were +I mistress of a family, I would not either take to myself, or give to +servants, the pain of keeping those I had reason to suspect. People low +in station have often minds not sordid. Nay, I have sometimes thought, +that (even take number for number) there are more honest low people, +than honest high. In the one, honest is their chief pride. In the other, +the love of power, of grandeur, of pleasure, mislead; and that and their +ambition induce a paramount pride, which too often swallows up the more +laudable one. + +Many of the former would scorn to deceive a confidence. But I have seen, +among the most ignorant of their class, a susceptibility of resentment, +if their honesty has been suspected: and have more than once been forced +to put a servant right, whom I have heard say, that, although she valued +herself upon her honesty, no master or mistress should suspect her for +nothing. + +How far has the comparison I had in my head, between my friends +treatment of me, and my treatment of the servants, carried me!--But we +always allowed ourselves to expatiate on such subjects, whether low +or high, as might tend to enlarge our minds, or mend our management, +whether notional or practical, and whether such expatiating respected +our present, or might respect our probable future situations. + +What I was principally leading to, was to tell you how ingenious I am in +my contrivances and pretences to blind my gaoleress, and to take off the +jealousy of her principals on my going down so often into the garden and +poultry-yard. People suspiciously treated are never I believe at a loss +for invention. Sometimes I want air, and am better the moment I am out +of my chamber.--Sometimes spirits; and then my bantams and pheasants or +the cascade divert me; the former, by their inspiring liveliness; the +latter, by its echoing dashes, and hollow murmurs.--Sometimes, solitude +is of all things my wish; and the awful silence of the night, the +spangled element, and the rising and setting sun, how promotive of +contemplation!--Sometimes, when I intend nothing, and expect no letters, +I am officious to take Betty with me; and at others, bespeak her +attendance, when I know she is otherwise employed, and cannot give it +me. + +These more capital artifices I branch out into lesser ones, without +number. Yet all have not only the face of truth, but are real truths; +although not my principal motive. How prompt a thing is will!--What +impediments does dislike furnish!--How swiftly, through every +difficulty, do we move with the one!--how tardily with the other!--every +trifling obstruction weighing us down, as if lead were fastened to our +feet! + + +FRIDAY MORNING, ELEVEN O'CLOCK. + +I have already made up my parcel of linen. My heart ached all the time +I was employed about it; and still aches, at the thoughts of its being a +necessary precaution. + +When the parcel comes to your hands, as I hope it safely will, you will +be pleased to open it. You will find in it two parcels sealed up; one +of which contains the letters you have not yet seen; being those written +since I left you: in the other are all the letters and copies of letters +that have passed between you and me since I was last with you; with some +other papers on subjects so much above me, that I cannot wish them to be +seen by any body whose indulgence I am not so sure of, as I am of yours. +If my judgment ripen with my years, perhaps I may review them. + +Mrs. Norton used to say, from her reverend father, that youth was the +time of life for imagination and fancy to work in: then, were a writer +to lay by his works till riper years and experience should direct the +fire rather to glow, than to flame out; something between both might +perhaps be produced that would not displease a judicious eye. + +In a third division, folded up separately, are all Mr. Lovelace's +letters written to me since he was forbidden this house, and copies +of my answers to them. I expect that you will break the seals of this +parcel, and when you have perused them all, give me your free opinion of +my conduct. + +By the way, not a line from that man!--Not one line! Wednesday I +deposited mine. It remained there on Wednesday night. What time it was +taken away yesterday I cannot tell: for I did not concern myself about +it, till towards night; and then it was not there. No return at ten this +day. I suppose he is as much out of humour as I.--With all my heart. + +He may be mean enough perhaps, if ever I should put it into his power, +to avenge himself for the trouble he has had with me.--But that now, I +dare say, I never shall. + +I see what sort of a man the encroacher is. And I hope we are equally +sick of one another.--My heart is vexedly easy, if I may so describe +it.--Vexedly--because of the apprehended interview with Solmes, and the +consequences it may be attended with: or else I should be quite easy; +for why? I have not deserved the usage I receive: and could I be rid of +Solmes, as I presume I am of Lovelace, their influence over my father, +mother, and uncles, against me, could not hold. + +The five guineas tied up in one corner of a handkerchief under the +linen, I beg you will let pass as an acknowledgement for the trouble +I give your trusty servant. You must not chide me for this. You know I +cannot be easy unless I have my way in these little matters. + +I was going to put up what little money I have, and some of my +ornaments; but they are portable, and I cannot forget them. Besides, +should they (suspecting me) desire to see any of the jewels, and were +I not able to produce them, it would amount to a demonstration of an +intention which would have a guilty appearance to them. + + +FRIDAY, ONE O'CLOCK, IN THE WOOD-HOUSE. + +No letter yet from this man! I have luckily deposited my parcel, and +have your letter of last night. If Robert take this without the parcel, +pray let him return immediately for it. But he cannot miss it, I think: +and must conclude that it is put there for him to take away. You may +believe, from the contents of yours, that I shall immediately write +again.-- + +CLARISSA HARLOWE. + + + + +LETTER XXVI + +MISS HOWE, TO MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE THURSDAY NIGHT, MARCH 30. + + +The fruits of my inquiry after your abominable wretch's behaviour and +baseness at the paltry alehouse, which he calls an inn, prepare to hear. + +Wrens and sparrows are not too ignoble a quarry for this villainous +gos-hawk!--His assiduities; his watchings; his nightly risques; the +inclement weather he journeys in; must not be all placed to your +account. He has opportunities of making every thing light to him of +that sort. A sweet pretty girl, I am told--innocent till he went +thither--Now! (Ah! poor girl!) who knows what? + +But just turned of seventeen!--His friend and brother-rake (a man of +humour and intrigue) as I am told, to share the social bottle with. +And sometimes another disguised rake or two. No sorrow comes near their +hearts. Be not disturbed, my dear, at his hoarsenesses! his pretty, +Betsey, his Rosebud, as the vile wretch calls her, can hear all he says. + +He is very fond of her. They say she is innocent even yet--her father, +her grandmother, believe her to be so. He is to fortune her out to a +young lover!--Ah! the poor young lover!--Ah! the poor simple girl! + +Mr. Hickman tells me, that he heard in town, that he used to be often +at plays, and at the opera, with women; and every time with a different +one--Ah! my sweet friend!--But I hope he is nothing to you, if all this +were truth.--But this intelligence, in relation to this poor girl, will +do his business, if you had been ever so good friends before. + +A vile wretch! Cannot such purity in pursuit, in view, restrain him? but +I leave him to you!--There can be no hope of him. More of a fool, +than of such a man. Yet I wish I may be able to snatch the poor young +creature out of his villainous paws. I have laid a scheme to do so; if +indeed she be hitherto innocent and heart-free. + +He appears to the people as a military man, in disguise, secreting +himself on account of a duel fought in town; the adversary's life in +suspense. They believe he is a great man. His friend passes for an +inferior officer; upon a footing of freedom with him. He, accompanied by +a third man, who is a sort of subordinate companion to the second. The +wretch himself with but one servant. + +O my dear! how pleasantly can these devils, as I must call them, pass +their time, while our gentle bosoms heave with pity for their supposed +sufferings for us! + + +***** + + +I have sent for this girl and her father; and am just now informed, that +I shall see them. I will sift them thoroughly. I shall soon find out +such a simple thing as this, if he has not corrupted her already--and if +he has, I shall soon find out that too.--If more art than nature appears +either in her or her father, I shall give them both up--but depend upon +it, the girl's undone. + +He is said to be fond of her. He places her at the upper end of his +table. He sets her a-prattling. He keeps his friends at a distance from +her. She prates away. He admires for nature all she says. Once was heard +to call her charming little creature! An hundred has he called so no +doubt. He puts her upon singing. He praises her wild note--O my dear, +the girl's undone!--must be undone!--The man, you know, is LOVELACE. + +Let 'em bring Wyerley to you, if they will have you married--any body +but Solmes and Lovelace be yours!--So advises + +Your ANNA HOWE. + +My dearest friend, consider this alehouse as his garrison: him as an +enemy: his brother-rakes as his assistants and abettors. Would not your +brother, would not your uncles, tremble, if they knew how near them he +is, as they pass to and fro?--I am told, he is resolved you shall not be +carried to your uncle Antony's.--What can you do, with or without such +an enterprising-- + +Fill up the blank I leave.--I cannot find a word bad enough + + + + +LETTER XXVII + +MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWE FRIDAY, THREE O'CLOCK. + + +You incense, alarm, and terrify me, at the same time.--Hasten, my +dearest friend, hasten to me what further intelligence you can gather +about this vilest of men. + +But never talk of innocence, of simplicity, and this unhappy girl, +together! Must she not know, that such a man as that, dignified in his +very aspect; and no disguise able to conceal his being of condition; +must mean too much, when he places her at the upper end of his table, +and calls her by such tender names? Would a girl, modest as simple, +above seventeen, be set a-singing at the pleasure of such a man as +that? a stranger, and professedly in disguise!--Would her father and +grandmother, if honest people, and careful of their simple girl, permit +such freedoms? + +Keep his friend at a distance from her!--To be sure his designs are +villainous, if they have not been already effected. + +Warn, my dear, if not too late, the unthinking father, of his child's +danger. There cannot be a father in the world, who would sell his +child's virtue. Nor mother!--The poor thing! + +I long to hear the result of your intelligence. You shall see the simple +creature, you tell me.--Let me know what sort of a girl she is.--A sweet +pretty girl! you say. A sweet pretty girl, my dear!--They are sweet +pretty words from your pen. But are they yours or his of her?--If she be +so simple, if she have ease and nature in her manner, in her speech, and +warbles prettily her wild notes, why, such a girl as that must +engage such a profligate wretch, (as now indeed I doubt this man is,) +accustomed, perhaps, to town women, and their confident ways.--Must +deeply and for a long season engage him: since perhaps when her +innocence is departed, she will endeavour by art to supply the loss of +the natural charms which now engage him. + +Fine hopes of such a wretch's reformation! I would not, my dear, for the +world, have any thing to say--but I need not make resolutions. I have +not opened, nor will I open, his letter.--A sycophant creature!--With +his hoarsenesses--got perhaps by a midnight revel, singing to his wild +note singer, and only increased in the coppice! + +To be already on a footing!--In his esteem, I mean: for myself, I +despise him. I hate myself almost for writing so much about him, and of +such a simpleton as this sweet pretty girl as you call her: but no one +can be either sweet or pretty, that is not modest, that is not virtuous. + +And now, my dear, I will tell you how I came to put you upon this +inquiry. + +This vile Joseph Leman had given a hint to Betty, and she to me, as if +Lovelace would be found out to be a very bad man, at a place where he +had been lately seen in disguise. But he would see further, he said, +before he told her more; and she promised secrecy, in hope to get at +further intelligence. I thought it could be no harm, to get you to +inform yourself, and me, of what could be gathered.* And now I see, his +enemies are but too well warranted in their reports of him: and, if the +ruin of this poor young creature be his aim, and if he had not known her +but for his visits to Harlowe-place, I shall have reason to be doubly +concerned for her; and doubly incensed against so vile a man. + + + * It will be seen in Vol.I.Letter XXXIV. that Mr. Lovelace's + motive for sparing his Rosebud was twofold. First, Because + his pride was gratified by the grandmother's desiring him to + spare her grand-daughter. Many a pretty rogue, say he, had I + spared, whom I did not spare, had my power been + acknowledged, and my mercy in time implored. But the + debellare superbos should be my motto, were I to have a new + one. + + His other motive will be explained in the following passage, + in the same. I never was so honest, for so long together, + says he, since my matriculation. It behoves me so to be. + Some way or other my recess [at the little inn] may be found + out, and it then will be thought that my Rosebud has + attracted me. A report in my favour, from simplicities so + amiable, may establish me, &c. + + Accordingly, as the reader will hereafter see, Mr. Lovelace + finds by the effects, his expectations from the contrivance + he set on foot by means of his agent Joseph Leman (who + plays, as above, upon Betty Barnes) fully answered, though + he could not know what passed on the occasion between the + two ladies. + + This explanation is the more necessary to be given, as + several of our readers (through want of due attention) have + attributed to Mr. Lovelace, on his behaviour to his Rosebud, + a greater merit than was due to him; and moreover imagined, + that it was improbable, that a man, who was capable of + acting so generously (as they supposed) in this instance, + should be guilty of any atrocious vileness. Not considering, + that love, pride, and revenge as he owns in Vol.I.Letter + XXXI. were ingredients of equal force in his composition; + and that resistance was a stimulus to him. + + +I think I hate him worse than I do Solmes himself. + +But I will not add one more word about hi,; and after I have told you, +that I wish to know, as soon as possible what further occurs from your +inquiry. I have a letter from him; but shall not open it till I do: +and then, if it come out as I dare say it will, I will directly put the +letter unopened into the place I took it from, and never trouble myself +more about him. Adieu, my dearest friend. + +CL. HARLOWE. + + + + +LETTER XXVIII + +MISS HOWE, TO MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE. FRIDAY NOON, MARCH 31. + + +Justice obliges me to forward this after my last on the wings of the +wind, as I may say. I really believe the man is innocent. Of this +one accusation, I think he must be acquitted; and I am sorry I was so +forward in dispatching away my intelligence by halves. + +I have seen the girl. She is really a very pretty, a very neat, and, +what is still a greater beauty, a very innocent young creature. He who +could have ruined such an undersigned home-bred, must have been +indeed infernally wicked. Her father is an honest simple man; entirely +satisfied with his child, and with her new acquaintance. + +I am almost afraid for your heart, when I tell you, that I find, now I +have got to the bottom of this inquiry, something noble come out in this +Lovelace's favour. + +The girl is to be married next week; and this promoted and brought about +by him. He is resolved, her father says, to make one couple happy, +and wishes he could make more so [There's for you, my dear!] And she +professes to love, he has given her an hundred pounds: the grandmother +actually has it in her hands, to answer to the like sum given to the +youth by one of his own relation: while Mr. Lovelace's companion, +attracted by the example, has given twenty-five guineas to the father, +who is poor, towards clothes to equip the pretty rustic. + +Mr. Lovelace and his friend, the poor man says, when they first came to +his house, affected to appear as persons of low degree; but now he knows +the one (but mentioned it in confidence) to be Colonel Barrow, the other +Captain Sloane. The colonel he owns was at first very sweet upon his +girl: but her grandmother's begging of him to spare her innocence, he +vowed, that he never would offer any thing but good counsel to her. He +kept his word; and the pretty fool acknowledged, that she never +could have been better instructed by the minister himself from the +bible-book!--The girl pleased me so well, that I made her visit to me +worth her while. + +But what, my dear, will become of us now?--Lovelace not only reformed, +but turned preacher!--What will become of us now?--Why, my sweet friend, +your generosity is now engaged in his favour!--Fie upon this generosity! +I think in my heart, that it does as much mischief to the noble-minded, +as love to the ignobler.--What before was only a conditional liking, I +am now afraid will turn to liking unconditional. + +I could not endure to change my invective into panegyric all at once, +and so soon. We, or such as I at least, love to keep ourselves in +countenance for a rash judgment, even when we know it to be rash. +Everybody has not your generosity in confessing a mistake. It requires +a greatness of soul frankly to do it. So I made still further inquiry +after his life and manner, and behaviour there, in hopes to find +something bad: but all uniform! + +Upon the whole, Mr. Lovelace comes out with so much advantage from this +inquiry, that were there the least room for it, I should suspect the +whole to be a plot set on foot to wash a blackamoor white. Adieu, my +dear. + +ANNA HOWE. + + + + +LETTER XXIX + +MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWE SATURDAY, APRIL 1. + + +Hasty censures do indeed subject themselves to the charge of +variableness and inconsistency in judgment: and so they ought; for, +if you, even you, my dear, were so loth to own a mistake, as in the +instance before us you pretend you were, I believe I should not have +loved you so well as I really do love you. Nor could you, in that case, +have so frankly thrown the reflection I hint at upon yourself, have not +your mind been one of the most ingenuous that ever woman boasted. + +Mr. Lovelace has faults enow to deserve very severe censure, although +he be not guilty of this. If I were upon such terms with him as he could +wish me to be, I should give him such a hint, that this treacherous +Joseph Leman cannot be so much attached to him, as perhaps he thinks +him to be. If it were, he would not have been so ready to report to his +disadvantage (and to Betty Barnes too) this slight affair of the pretty +rustic. Joseph has engaged Betty to secrecy; promising to let her, and +her young master, to know more, when he knows the whole of the matter: +and this hinders her from mentioning it, as she is nevertheless agog to +do, to my sister or brother. And then she does not choose to disoblige +Joseph; for although she pretends to look above him, she listens, I +believe, to some love-stories he tells her. + +Women having it not in their power to begin a courtship, some of them +very frequently, I believe, lend an ear where their hearts incline not. + +But to say no more of these low people, neither of whom I think +tolerably of; I must needs own, that as I should for ever have despised +this man, had he been capable of such a vile intrigue in his way to +Harlowe-place, and as I believe he was capable of it, it has indeed [I +own it has] proportionably engaged my generosity, as you call it, in his +favour: perhaps more than I may have reason to wish it had. And, rally +me as you will, pray tell me fairly, my dear, would it not have had such +an effect upon you? + +Then the real generosity of the act.--I protest, my beloved friend, +if he would be good for the rest of his life from this time, I would +forgive him a great many of his past errors, were it only for the +demonstration he has given in this, that he is capable of so good and +bountiful a manner of thinking. + +You may believe I made no scruple to open his letter, after the receipt +of your second on this subject: nor shall I of answering it, as I have +no reason to find fault with it: an article in his favour, procured +him, however, so much the easier, (I must own,) by way of amends for the +undue displeasure I took against him; though he knows it not. + +Is it lucky enough that this matter was cleared up to me by your +friendly diligence so soon: for had I written before it was, it would +have been to reinforce my dismission of him; and perhaps I should have +mentioned the very motive; for it affected me more than I think it +ought: and then, what an advantage would that have given him, when he +could have cleared up the matter so happily for himself! + +When I send you this letter of his, you will see how very humble he is: +what acknowledgements of natural impatience: what confession of faults, +as you prognosticated. + +A very different appearance, I must own, all these make, now the story +of the pretty rustic is cleared up, to what they would have made, had it +not. + +You will see how he accounts to me, 'That he could not, by reason of +indisposition, come for my letter in person: and the forward creature +labours the point, as if he thought I should be uneasy that he did not.' +I am indeed sorry he should be ill on my account; and I will allow, that +the suspense he has been in for some time past, must have been vexatious +enough to so impatient a spirit. But all is owing originally to himself. + +You will find him (in the presumption of being forgiven) 'full of +contrivances and expedients for my escaping my threatened compulsion.' + +I have always said, that next to being without fault, is the +acknowledgement of a fault; since no amendment can be expected where an +error is defended: but you will see in this very letter, an haughtiness +even in his submissions. 'Tis true, I know not where to find fault as +to the expression; yet cannot I be satisfied, that his humility is +humility; or even an humility upon such conviction as one should be +pleased with. + +To be sure, he is far from being a polite man: yet is not directly and +characteristically, as I may say, unpolite. But his is such a sort of +politeness, as has, by a carelessness founded on very early indulgence, +and perhaps on too much success in riper years, and an arrogance built +upon both, grown into assuredness, and, of course, I may say, into +indelicacy. + +The distance you recommend at which to keep these men, is certainly +right in the main: familiarity destroys reverence: But with whom?--Not +with those, surely, who are prudent, grateful, and generous. + +But it is very difficult for persons, who would avoid running into one +extreme, to keep clear of another. Hence Mr. Lovelace, perhaps, thinks +it the mark of a great spirit to humour his pride, though at the expense +of his politeness: but can the man be a deep man, who knows not how to +make such distinctions as a person of but moderate parts cannot miss? + +He complains heavily of my 'readiness to take mortal offence at him, and +to dismiss him for ever: it is a high conduct, he says, he must be frank +enough to tell me; a conduct that must be very far from contributing to +allay his apprehensions of the possibility that I may be prosecuted into +my relations' measures in behalf of Mr. Solmes.' + +You will see how he puts his present and his future happiness, 'with +regard to both worlds, entirely upon me.' The ardour with which he vows +and promises, I think the heart only can dictate: how else can one guess +at a man's heart? + +You will also see, 'that he has already heard of the interview I am to +have with Mr. Solmes;' and with what vehemence and anguish he expresses +himself on the occasion. I intend to take proper notice of the ignoble +means he stoops to, to come at his early intelligence of our family. +If persons pretending to principle, bear not their testimony against +unprincipled actions, what check can they have? + +You will see, 'how passionately he presses me to oblige him with a few +lines, before the interview between Mr. Solmes and me takes place, (if, +as he says, it must take place,) to confirm his hope, that I have no +view, in my present displeasure against him, to give encouragement to +Solmes. An apprehension, he says, that he must be excused for repeating; +especially as the interview is a favour granted to that man, which +I have refused to him; since, as he infers, were it not with such an +expectation, why should my friends press it?' + + +***** + + +I have written; and to this effect: 'That I had never intended to write +another line to a man, who could take upon himself to reflect upon my +sex and myself, for having thought fit to make use of my own judgment. + +'I tell him, that I have submitted to the interview with Mr. Solmes, +purely as an act of duty, to shew my friends, that I will comply with +their commands as far as I can; and that I hope, when Mr. Solmes himself +shall see how determined I am, he will cease to prosecute a suit, in +which it is impossible he should succeed with my consent. + +'I assure him, that my aversion to Mr. Solmes is too sincere to permit +me to doubt myself on this occasion. But, nevertheless, he must not +imagine, that my rejecting of Mr. Solmes is in favour to him. That I +value my freedom and independency too much, if my friends will but leave +me to my own judgment, to give them up to a man so uncontroulable, and +who shews me beforehand what I have to expect from him, were I in his +power. + +'I express my high disapprobation of the methods he takes to come +at what passes in a private family. The pretence of corrupting other +people's servants, by way of reprisal for the spies they have set upon +him, I tell him, is a very poor excuse; and no more than an attempt to +justify one meanness by another. + +'There is, I observe to him, a right and a wrong in every thing, let +people put what glosses they please upon their action. To condemn a +deviation, and to follow it by as great a one, what, I ask him, is this, +but propagating a general corruption?--A stand must be made somebody, +turn round the evil as many as may, or virtue will be lost: And shall it +not be I, a worthy mind would ask, that shall make this stand? + +'I leave him to judge, whether his be a worthy one, tried by this rule: +And whether, knowing the impetuosity of his own disposition, and the +improbability there is that my father and family will ever be reconciled +to him, I ought to encourage his hopes? + +'These spots and blemishes, I further tell him, give me not earnestness +enough for any sake but his own, to wish him in a juster and nobler +train of thinking and acting; for that I truly despised many of the ways +he allows himself in: our minds are therefore infinitely different: +and as to his professions of reformation, I must tell him, that +profuse acknowledgements, without amendment, are but to me as so many +anticipating concessions, which he may find much easier to make, thane +either to defend himself, or amend his errors. + +'I inform him, that I have been lately made acquainted' [and so I have +by Betty, and she by my brother] 'with the weak and wanton airs he gives +himself of declaiming against matrimony. I severely reprehend him on +this occasion: and ask him, with what view he can take so witless, so +despicable a liberty, in which only the most abandoned of men allow +themselves, and yet presume to address me? + + +'I tell him, that if I am obliged to go to my uncle Antony's, it is not +to be inferred, that I must therefore necessarily be Mr. Solmes's wife: +since I must therefore so sure perhaps that the same exceptions lie +so strongly against my quitting a house to which I shall be forcibly +carried, as if I left my father's house: and, at the worst, I may be +able to keep them in suspense till my cousin Morden comes, who will have +a right to put me in possession of my grandfather's estate, if I insist +upon it.' + +This, I doubt, is somewhat of an artifice; which can only be excusable, +as it is principally designed to keep him out of mischief. For I have +but little hope, if carried thither, whether sensible or senseless, +absolutely if I am left to the mercy of my brother and sister, but they +will endeavour to force the solemn obligation upon me. Otherwise, were +there but any prospect of avoiding this, by delaying (or even by taking +things to make me ill, if nothing else would do,) till my cousin comes, +I hope I should not think of leaving even my uncle's house. For I should +not know how to square it to my own principles, to dispense with the +duty I owe to my father, wherever it shall be his will to place me. + +But while you give me the charming hope, that, in order to avoid one +man, I shall not be under the necessity of throwing myself upon the +friends of the other; I think my case not desperate. + + +***** + + +I see not any of my family, nor hear from them in any way of kindness. +This looks as if they themselves expected no great matters from the +Tuesday's conference which makes my heart flutter every time I think of +it. + +My uncle Antony's presence on the occasion I do not much like: but I +had rather meet him than my brother or sister: yet my uncle is very +impetuous. I can't think Mr. Lovelace can be much more so; at least he +cannot look angry, as my uncle, with his harder features, can. These +sea-prospered gentlemen, as my uncle has often made me think, not used +to any but elemental controul, and even ready to buffet that, bluster +often as violently as the winds they are accustomed to be angry at. + +I believe Mr. Solmes will look as much like a fool as I shall do, if it +be true, as my uncle Harlowe writes, and as Betty often tells me, that +he is as much afraid of seeing me, as I am of seeing him. + +Adieu, my happy, thrice-happy Miss Howe, who have no hard terms fixed +to your duty!--Who have nothing to do, but to fall in with a choice your +mother has made for you, to which you have not, nor can have, a just +objection: except the frowardness of our sex, as our free censurers +would perhaps take the liberty to say, makes it one, that the choice was +your mother's, at first hand. Perverse nature, we know, loves not to +be prescribed to; although youth is not so well qualified, either by +sedateness or experience, to choose for itself. + +To know your own happiness, and that it is now, nor to leave it to after +reflection to look back upon the preferable past with a heavy and self +accusing heart, that you did not choose it when you might have chosen +it, is all that is necessary to complete your felicity!--And this power +is wished you by + +Your CLARISSA HARLOWE. + + + + +LETTER XXX + +MISS HOWE, TO MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE SATURDAY, APRIL 2. + + +I ought yesterday to have acknowledged the receipt of your parcel. Robin +tells me, that the Joseph Leman, whom you mention as the traitor, saw +him. He was in the poultry-yard, and spoke to Robin over the bank +which divides that from the green-lane. 'What brings you hither, Mr. +Robert?--But I can tell. Hie away, as fast as you can.' + +No doubt but their dependence upon this fellow's vigilance, and upon +Betty's, leaves you more at liberty in your airings, than you would +otherwise be. But you are the only person I ever heard of, who in such +circumstances had not some faithful servant to trust little offices to. +A poet, my dear, would not have gone to work for an Angelica, without +giving her her Violetta, her Cleante, her Clelia, or some such +pretty-named confidant--an old nurse at the least. + +I read to my mother several passages of your letters. But your last +paragraph, in your yesterday's quite charmed her. You have won her heart +by it, she told me. And while her fit of gratitude for it lasted, I was +thinking to make my proposal, and to press it with all the earnestness +I could give it, when Hickman came in, making his legs, and stroking his +cravat and ruffles. + +I could most freely have ruffled him for it. As it was--Sir, said I, saw +you not some of the servants?--Could not one of them have come in before +you? + +He begged pardon: looked as if he knew not whether he had best keep his +ground, or withdraw:--Till my mother, his fast friend, interposed--Why, +Nancy, we are not upon particulars.--Pray, Mr. Hickman, sit down. + +By your le--ave, good Madam, to me. You know his drawl, when his muscles +give him the respectful hesitation.-- + +Ay, ay, pray sit down, honest man, if you are weary--but by mamma, +if you please. I desire my hoop may have its full circumference. All +they're good for, that I know, is to clean dirty shoes, and to keep +fellows at a distance. + +Strange girl! cried my mother, displeased; but with a milder turn, ay, +ay, Mr. Hickman, sit down by me: I have no such forbidding folly in my +dress. + +I looked serious; and in my heart was glad this speech of hers was not +made to your uncle Antony. + +My mother, with the true widow's freedom, would mighty prudently have +led into the subject we had been upon; and would have had read to him, I +question not, that very paragraph in your letter which is so much in +his favour. He was highly obliged to dear Miss Harlowe, she would assure +him; that she did say-- + +But I asked him, if he had any news by his last letters from London?--A +question which he always understands to be a subject changer; for +otherwise I never put it. And so if he be but silent, I am not angry +with him that he answers it not. + +I choose not to mention my proposal before him, till I know how it will +be relished by my mother. If it be not well received, perhaps I may +employ him on the occasion. Yet I don't like to owe him an obligation, +if I could help it. For men who have his views in their heads, do so +parade it, so strut about, if a woman condescend to employ them in her +affairs, that one has no patience with them. + +However, if I find not an opportunity this day, I will make one +to-morrow. + +I shall not open either of your sealed-up parcels, but in your presence. +There is no need. Your conduct is out of all question with me: and by +the extracts you have given me from his letters and your own, I know all +that relates to the present situation of things between you. + +I was going to give you a little flippant hint or two. But since you +wish to be thought superior to all our sex in the command of yourself; +and since indeed you deserve to be thought so; I will spare you. You +are, however, at times, more than half inclined to speak out. That +you do not, is only owing to a little bashful struggle between you and +yourself, as I may say. When that is quite got over, I know you will +favour me undisguisedly with the result. + +I cannot forgive your taking upon me (at so extravagant a rate too) to +pay my mother's servants. Indeed I am, and I will be, angry with you for +it. A year's wages at once well nigh! only as, unknown to my mother, I +make it better for the servants according to their merits--how it made +the man stare!--And it may be his ruin too, as far as I know. If he +should buy a ring, and marry a sorry body in the neighbourhood with the +money, one would be loth, a twelvemonth hence, that the poor old fellow +should think he had reason to wish the bounty never conferred. + +I MUST give you your way in these things, you say.--And I know there is +no contradicting you: for you were ever putting too great a value upon +little offices done for you, and too little upon the great ones you do +for others. The satisfaction you have in doing so, I grant it, repays +you. But why should you, by the nobleness of your mind, throw reproaches +upon the rest of the world? particularly, upon your own family--and upon +ours too? + +If, as I have heard you say, it is a good rule to give WORDS the +hearing, but to form our judgment of men and things by DEEDS ONLY; +what shall we think of one, who seeks to find palliatives in words, for +narrowness of heart in the very persons her deeds so silently, yet so +forcibly, reflect upon? Why blush you not, my dear friend, to be thus +singular?--When you meet with another person whose mind is like your +own, then display your excellencies as you please: but till then, +for pity's sake, let your heart and your spirit suffer a little +contradiction. + +I intended to write but a few lines; chiefly to let you know your +parcels are come safe. And accordingly I began in a large hand; and I +am already come to the end of my second sheet. But I could write a quire +without hesitation upon a subject so copious and so beloved as is your +praise. Not for this single instance of your generosity; since I am +really angry with you for it; but for the benevolence exemplified in +the whole tenor of your life and action; of which this is but a common +instance. Heaven direct you, in your own arduous trials, is all I have +room to add; and make you as happy, as you think to be + +Your own ANNA HOWE. + + + + +LETTER XXXI + +MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWE SUNDAY NIGHT, APRIL 2. + + +I have many new particulars to acquaint you with, that shew a great +change in the behaviour of my friends as I find we have. I will give +these particulars to you as they offered. + +All the family was at church in the morning. They brought good Dr. Lewen +with them, in pursuance of a previous invitation. And the doctor sent up +to desire my permission to attend me in my own apartment. + +You may believe it was easily granted. + +So the doctor came up. + +We had a conversation of near an hour before dinner: but, to my +surprise, he waved every thing that would have led me to the subject I +supposed he wanted to talk about. At last, I asked him, if it were not +thought strange I should be so long absent from church? He made me some +handsome compliments upon it: but said, for his part, he had ever made +it a rule to avoid interfering in the private concerns of families, +unless desired to do so. + +I was prodigiously disappointed; but supposing that he was thought too +just a man to be made a judge of in this cause; I led no more to it: +nor, when he was called down to dinner, did he take the least notice of +leaving me behind him there. + +But this was not the first time since my confinement that I thought it a +hardship not to dine below. And when I parted with him on the stairs, a +tear would burst its way; and he hurried down; his own good-natured eyes +glistening; for he saw it.--Nor trusted he his voice, lest the accent I +suppose should have discovered his concern; departing in silence; though +with his usual graceful obligingness. + +I hear that he praised me, and my part in the conversation that +passed between us. To shew them, I suppose, that it was not upon the +interesting subjects which I make no doubt he was desired not to enter +upon. + +He left me so dissatisfied, yet so perplexed with this new way of +treatment, that I never found myself so much disconcerted, and out of my +train. + +But I was to be more so. This was to be a day of puzzle to me. Pregnant +puzzle, if I may say so: for there must great meaning lie behind it. + +In the afternoon, all but my brother and sister went to church with +the good doctor; who left his compliments for me. I took a walk in the +garden. My brother and sister walked in it too, and kept me in their +eye a good while, on purpose, as I thought, that I might see how gay and +good-humoured they were together. At last they came down the walk that I +was coming up, hand-in-hand, lover-like. + +Your servant, Miss--your servant, Sir--passed between my brother and me. + +Is it not coldish, Clary! in a kinder voice than usual, said my sister, +and stopped.--I stopped and courtesied low to her half-courtesy.--I +think not, Sister, said I. + +She went on. I courtesied without return; and proceeded, turning to my +poultry-yard. + +By a shorter turn, arm-in-arm, they were there before me. + +I think, Clary, said my brother, you must present me with some of this +breed, for Scotland. + +If you please, Brother. + +I'll choose for you, said my sister. + +And while I fed them, they pointed to half a dozen: yet intending +nothing by it, I believe, but to shew a deal of love and good-humour to +each other before me. + +My uncles next, (at their return from church) were to do me the honour +of their notice. They bid Betty tell me, they would drink tea with me +in my own apartment. Now, thought I, shall I have the subject of next +Tuesday enforced upon me. + +But they contradicted the order for tea, and only my uncle Harlowe came +up to me. + +Half-distant, half-affectionate, at his entering my chamber, was the +air he put on to his daughter-niece, as he used to call me; and I threw +myself at his feet, and besought his favour. + +None of these discomposures, Child. None of these apprehensions. You +will now have every body's favour. All is coming about, my dear. I was +impatient to see you. I could no longer deny myself this satisfaction. +He then raised me, and kissed me, and called me charming creature! + +But he waved entering into any interesting subject. All will be well +now. All will be right!--No more complainings! every body loves you!--I +only came to make my earliest court to you! [were his condescending +words] and to sit and talk of twenty and twenty fond things, as I used +to do. And let every past disagreeable thing be forgotten; as if nothing +had happened. + +He understood me as beginning to hint at the disgrace of my +confinement--No disgrace my dear can fall to your lot: your reputation +is too well established.--I longed to see you, repeated me--I have seen +nobody half so amiable since I saw you last. + +And again he kissed my cheek, my glowing cheek; for I was impatient, +I was vexed, to be thus, as I thought, played upon: And how could I be +thankful for a visit, that (it was now evident) was only a too humble +artifice, to draw me in against the next Tuesday, or to leave me +inexcusable to them all? + +O my cunning brother!--This is his contrivance. And then my anger made +me recollect the triumph in his and my sister's fondness for each other, +as practised before me; and the mingled indignation flashing from their +eyes, as arm-in-arm they spoke to me, and the forced condescension +playing upon their lips, when they called me Clary, and Sister. + +Do you think I could, with these reflections, look upon my uncle +Harlowe's visit as the favour he seemed desirous I should think it +to be?--Indeed I could not; and seeing him so studiously avoid all +recrimination, as I may call it, I gave into the affectation; and +followed him in his talk of indifferent things: while he seemed to +admire this thing and that, as if he had never seen them before; and +now-and then condescendingly kissed the hand that wrought some of the +things he fixed his eyes upon; not so much to admire them, as to find +subjects to divert what was most in his head, and in my heart. + +At his going away--How can I leave you here by yourself, my dear? you, +whose company used to enliven us all. You are not expected down indeed: +but I protest I had a good mind to surprise your father and mother!--If +I thought nothing would arise that would be disagreeable--My dear! +my love! [O the dear artful gentleman! how could my uncle Harlowe so +dissemble?] What say you? Will you give me your hands? Will you see your +father? Can you stand his displeasure, on first seeing the dear creature +who has given him and all of us so much disturbance? Can you promise +future-- + +He saw me rising in my temper--Nay, my dear, interrupting himself, if +you cannot be all resignation, I would not have you think of it. + +My heart, struggling between duty and warmth of temper, was full. You +know, my dear, I never could bear to be dealt meanly with!--How--how can +you, Sir! you my Papa-uncle--How can you, Sir!--The poor girl!--for I +could not speak with connexion. + +Nay, my dear, if you cannot be all duty, all resignation--better stay +where you are.--But after the instance you have given-- + +Instance I have given!--What instance, Sir? + +Well, well, Child, better stay where you are, if your past confinement +hangs so heavy upon you--but now there will be a sudden end to +it--Adieu, my dear!--Three words only--Let your compliance be +sincere!--and love me, as you used to love me--your Grandfather did not +do so much for you, as I will do for you. + +Without suffering me to reply, he hurried away, as I thought, like one +who has been employed to act a part against his will, and was glad it +was over. + + +Don't you see, my dear Miss Howe, how they are all determined?--Have I +not reason to dread next Tuesday? + + +Up presently after came my sister:--to observe, I suppose, the way I was +in. + +She found me in tears. + +Have you not a Thomas a Kempis, Sister? with a stiff air. + +I have, Madam. + +Madam!--How long are we to be at this distance, Clary? + +No longer, my dear Bella, if you allow me to call you sister. And I took +her hand. + +No fawning neither, Girl! + +I withdrew my hand as hastily, as you may believe I should have done, +had I, in feeling for one of your parcels under the wood, been bitten by +a viper. + +I beg pardon, said I,--Too-too ready to make advances, I am always +subjecting myself to contempts. + +People who know not how to keep a middle behaviour, said she, must ever +do so. + +I will fetch you the Kempis, Sister. I did. Here it is. You will find +excellent things, Bella, in that little book. + +I wish, retorted she, you had profited by them. + +I wish you may, said I. Example from a sister older than one's self is a +fine thing. + +Older! saucy little fool!--And away she flung. + +What a captious old woman will my sister make, if she lives to be +one!--demanding the reverence, perhaps, yet not aiming at the merit; and +ashamed of the years that can only entitle her to the reverence. + +It is plain, from what I have related, that they think they have got me +at some advantage by obtaining my consent to the interview: but if it +were not, Betty's impertinence just now would make it evident. She has +been complimenting me upon it; and upon the visit of my uncle Harlowe. +She says, the difficulty now is more than half over with me. She is +sure I would not see Mr. Solmes, but to have him. Now shall she be soon +better employed than of late she has been. All hands will be at work. +She loves dearly to have weddings go forward!--Who knows, whose turn +will be next? + +I found in the afternoon a reply to my answer to Mr. Lovelace's letter. +It is full of promises, full of vows of gratitude, of eternal gratitude, +is his word, among others still more hyperbolic. Yet Mr. Lovelace, the +least of any man whose letters I have seen, runs into those elevated +absurdities. I should be apt to despise him for it, if he did. Such +language looks always to me, as if the flatterer thought to find a woman +a fool, or hoped to make her one. + +'He regrets my indifference to him; which puts all the hope he has in my +favour upon the shocking usage I receive from my friends. + +'As to my charge upon him of unpoliteness and uncontroulableness--What +[he asks] can he say? since being unable absolutely to vindicate +himself, he has too much ingenuousness to attempt to do so: yet is +struck dumb by my harsh construction, that his acknowledging temper +is owing more to his carelessness to defend himself, than to his +inclination to amend. He had never before met with the objections +against his morals which I had raised, justly raised: and he was +resolved to obviate them. What is it, he asks, that he has promised, but +reformation by my example? And what occasion for the promise, if he +had not faults, and those very great ones, to reform? He hopes +acknowledgement of an error is no bad sign; although my severe virtue +has interpreted it into one. + +'He believes I may be right (severely right, he calls it) in my judgment +against making reprisals in the case of the intelligence he receives +from my family: he cannot charge himself to be of a temper that leads +him to be inquisitive into any body's private affairs; but hopes, that +the circumstances of the case, and the strange conduct of my friends, +will excuse him; especially when so much depends upon his knowing the +movements of a family so violently bent, by measures right or wrong, to +carry their point against me, in malice to him. People, he says, who act +like angels, ought to have angels to deal with. For his part, he has not +yet learned the difficult lesson of returning good for evil: and shall +think himself the less encouraged to learn it by the treatment I have +met with from the very persons who would trample upon him, as they do +upon me, were he to lay himself under their feet. + +'He excuses himself for the liberties he owns he has heretofore taken in +ridiculing the marriage-state. It is a subject, he says, that he has not +of late treated so lightly. He owns it to be so trite, so beaten a +topic with all libertines and witlings; so frothy, so empty, so nothing +meaning, so worn-out a theme, that he is heartily ashamed of himself, +ever to have made it his. He condemns it as a stupid reflection upon the +laws and good order of society, and upon a man's own ancestors: and +in himself, who has some reason to value himself upon his descent +and alliances, more censurable, than in those who have not the same +advantages to boast of. He promises to be more circumspect than ever, +both in his words and actions, that he may be more and more worthy of +my approbation; and that he may give an assurance before hand, that a +foundation is laid in his mind for my example to work upon with equal +reputation and effect to us both;--if he may be so happy to call me his. + +'He gives me up, as absolutely lost, if I go to my uncle Antony's; the +close confinement; the moated house; the chapel; the implacableness of +my brother and sister; and their power over the rest of the family, +he sets forth in strong lights; and plainly says, that he must have a +struggle to prevent my being carried thither.' + +Your kind, your generous endeavours to interest your mother in my +behalf, will, I hope, prevent those harsher extremities to which I might +be otherwise driven. And to you I will fly, if permitted, and keep all +my promises, of not corresponding with any body, not seeing any body, +but by your mother's direction and yours. + +I will close and deposit at this place. It is not necessary to say, how +much I am + +Your ever affectionate and obliged CL. HARLOWE. + + + + +LETTER XXXII + +MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWE + + +I am glad my papers are safe in your hands. I will make it my endeavour +to deserve your good opinion, that I may not at once disgrace your +judgment, and my own heart. + +I have another letter from Mr. Lovelace. He is extremely apprehensive of +the meeting I am to have with Mr. Solmes to-morrow. He says, 'that the +airs that wretch gives himself on the occasion add to his concern; and +it is with infinite difficulty that he prevails upon himself not to make +him a visit to let him know what he may expect, if compulsion be used +towards me in his favour. He assures me, that Solmes has actually talked +with tradesmen of new equipages, and names the people in town with whom +he has treated: that he has even' [Was there ever such a horrid wretch!] +'allotted this and that apartment in his house, for a nursery, and other +offices.' + +How shall I bear to hear such a creature talk of love to me? I shall be +out of all patience with him. Besides, I thought that he did not dare +to make or talk of these impudent preparations.--So inconsistent as such +are with my brother's views--but I fly the subject. + +Upon this confidence of Solmes, you will less wonder at that of +Lovelace, 'in pressing me in the name of all his family, to escape +from so determined a violence as is intended to be offered to me at my +uncle's: that the forward contriver should propose Lord M.'s chariot and +six to be at the stile that leads up to the lonely coppice adjoining to +our paddock. You will see how audaciously he mentions settlements ready +drawn; horsemen ready to mount; and one of his cousins Montague to be +in the chariot, or at the George in the neighbouring village, waiting +to accompany me to Lord M.'s, or to Lady Betty's or Lady Sarah's, or to +town, as I please; and upon such orders, or conditions, and under such +restrictions, as to himself, as I shall prescribe.' + +You will see how he threatens, 'To watch and waylay them, and to rescue +me as he calls it, by an armed force of friends and servants, if they +attempt to carry me against my will to my uncle's; and this, whether I +give my consent to the enterprise, or not:--since he shall have no hopes +if I am once there.' + +O my dear friend! Who can think of these things, and not be extremely +miserable in her apprehensions! + +This mischievous sex! What had I to do with any of them; or they +with me?--I had deserved this, were it by my own seeking, by my own +giddiness, that I had brought myself into this situation--I wish with +all my heart--but how foolish we are apt to wish when we find ourselves +unhappy, and know not how to help ourselves! + +On your mother's goodness, however, is my reliance. If I can but avoid +being precipitated on either hand, till my cousin Morden arrives, a +reconciliation must follow; and all will be happy. + +I have deposited a letter for Mr. Lovelace; in which 'I charge him, as +he would not disoblige me for ever, to avoid any rash step, any visit to +Mr. Solmes, which may be followed by acts of violence.' + +I re-assure him, 'That I will sooner die than be that man's wife. + +'Whatever be my usage, whatever shall be the result of the apprehended +interview, I insist upon it that he presume not to offer violence to +any of my friends: and express myself highly displeased, that he should +presume upon such an interest in my esteem, as to think himself entitled +to dispute my father's authority in my removal to my uncle's; although I +tell him, that I will omit neither prayers nor contrivance, even to the +making myself ill, to avoid going.' + +To-morrow is Tuesday! How soon comes upon us the day we dread!--Oh that +a deep sleep of twenty four hours would seize my faculties!--But then +the next day would be Tuesday, as to all the effects and purposes for +which I so much dread it. If this reach you before the event of the so +much apprehended interview can be known, pray for + +Your CLARISSA HARLOWE. + + + + +LETTER XXXIII + +MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWE TUESDAY MORNING, SIX O'CLOCK. + + +The day is come!--I wish it were happily over. I have had a wretched +night. Hardly a wink have I slept, ruminating upon the approaching +interview. The very distance of time to which they consented, has added +solemnity to the meeting, which otherwise it would not have had. + +A thoughtful mind is not a blessing to be coveted, unless it had such a +happy vivacity with it as yours: a vivacity, which enables a person to +enjoy the present, without being over-anxious about the future. + + +TUESDAY, ELEVEN O'CLOCK. + +I have had a visit from my aunt Hervey. Betty, in her alarming way, told +me, I should have a lady to breakfast with me, whom I little expected; +giving me to believe it was my mother. This fluttered me so much, on +hearing a lady coming up-stairs, supposing it was she, (and not knowing +how to account for her motives in such a visit, after I had been so long +banished from her presence,) that my aunt, at her entrance, took notice +of my disorder; and, after her first salutation, + +Why, Miss, said she, you seem surprised.--Upon my word, you thoughtful +young ladies have strange apprehensions about nothing at all. What, +taking my hand, can be the matter with you?--Why, my dear, tremble, +tremble, tremble, at this rate? You'll not be fit to be seen by any +body. Come, my love, kissing my cheek, pluck up a courage. By this +needless flutter on the approaching interview, when it is over you will +judge of your other antipathies, and laugh at yourself for giving way to +so apprehensive an imagination. + +I said, that whatever we strongly imagined, was in its effect at the +time more than imaginary, although to others it might not appear so: +that I had not rested one hour all night: that the impertinent set over +me, by giving me room to think my mother was coming up, had so much +disconcerted me, that I should be very little qualified to see any body +I disliked to see. + +There was no accounting for these things, she said. Mr. Solmes last +night supposed he should be under as much agitation as I could be. + +Who is it, then, Madam, that so reluctant an interview on both sides, is +to please? + +Both of you, my dear, I hope, after the first flurries are over. The +most apprehensive beginnings, I have often known, make the happiest +conclusions. + +There can be but one happy conclusion to the intended visit; and that +is, That both sides may be satisfied it will be the last. + +She then represented how unhappy it would be for me, if I did not suffer +myself to be prevailed upon: she pressed me to receive Mr. Solmes +as became my education: and declared, that his apprehensions on the +expectation he had of seeing me, were owing to his love and his awe; +intimating, That true love is ever accompanied by fear and reverence; +and that no blustering, braving lover could deserve encouragement. + +To this I answered, That constitution was to be considered: that a +man of spirit would act like one, and could do nothing meanly: that +a creeping mind would creep into every thing, where it had a view to +obtain a benefit by it; and insult, where it had power, and nothing to +expect: that this was not a point now to be determined with me: that +I had said as much as I could possibly say on the subject: that this +interview was imposed upon me: by those, indeed, who had a right to +impose it: but that it was sorely against my will complied with: and for +this reason, that there was aversion, not wilfulness, in the case; and +so nothing could come of it, but a pretence, as I much apprehended, to +use me still more severely than I had been used. + +She was then pleased to charge me with prepossession and prejudice. She +expatiated upon the duty of a child. She imputed to me abundance of fine +qualities; but told me, that, in this case, that of persuadableness was +wanting to crown all. She insisted upon the merit of obedience, although +my will were not in it. From a little hint I gave of my still greater +dislike to see Mr. Solmes, on account of the freedom I had treated him +with, she talked to me of his forgiving disposition; of his infinite +respect for me; and I cannot tell what of this sort. + +I never found myself so fretful in my life: and so I told my aunt; and +begged her pardon for it. But she said, it was well disguised then; for +she saw nothing but little tremors, which were usual with young ladies +when they were to see their admirers for the first time; and this might +be called so, with respect to me; since it was the first time I had +consented to see Mr. Solmes in that light--but that the next-- + +How, Madam, interrupted I--Is it then imagined, that I give this meeting +on that footing? + +To be sure it is, Child. + +To be sure it is, Madam! Then I do yet desire to decline it.--I will +not, I cannot, see him, if he expects me to see him upon those terms. + +Niceness, punctilio, mere punctilio, Niece!--Can you think that your +appointment, (day, place, hour,) and knowing what the intent of it was, +is to be interpreted away as a mere ceremony, and to mean nothing?--Let +me tell you, my dear, your father, mother, uncles, every body, respect +this appointment as the first act of your compliance with their wills: +and therefore recede not, I desire you; but make a merit of what cannot +be avoided. + +O the hideous wretch!--Pardon me, Madam.--I to be supposed to meet +such a man as that, with such a view! and he to be armed with such an +expectation!--But it cannot be that he expects it, whatever others may +do.--It is plain he cannot, by the fears he tell you all he shall have +to see me. If his hope were so audacious, he could not fear so much. + +Indeed, he has this hope; and justly founded too. But his fear arises +from his reverence, as I told you before. + +His reverence!--his unworthiness!--'Tis so apparent, that even he +himself sees it, as well as every body else. Hence his offers +to purchase me! Hence it is, that settlements are to make up for +acknowledged want of merit! + +His unworthiness, say you!--Not so fast, my dear. Does not this look +like setting a high value upon yourself?--We all have exalted notions of +your merit, Niece; but nevertheless, it would not be wrong, if you were +to arrogate less to yourself; though more were to be your due than your +friends attribute to you. + +I am sorry, Madam, it should be thought arrogance in me, to suppose I am +not worthy of a better man than Mr. Solmes, both as to person and mind: +and as to fortune, I thank God I despise all that can be insisted upon +in his favour from so poor a plea. + +She told me, It signified nothing to talk: I knew the expectation of +every one. + +Indeed I did not. It was impossible I could think of such a strange +expectation, upon a compliance made only to shew I would comply in all +that was in my power to comply with. + +I might easily, she said, have supposed, that every one thought I was +beginning to oblige them all, by the kind behaviour of my brother and +sister to me in the garden, last Sunday; by my sister's visit to me +afterwards in my chamber (although both more stiffly received by me, +than were either wished or expected); by my uncle Harlowe's affectionate +visit to me the same afternoon, not indeed so very gratefully received +as I used to receive his favours:--but this he kindly imputed to the +displeasure I had conceived at my confinement, and to my intention to +come off by degrees, that I might keep myself in countenance for my past +opposition. + +See, my dear, the low cunning of that Sunday-management, which then +so much surprised me! And see the reason why Dr. Lewen was admitted to +visit me, yet forbore to enter upon a subject about which I thought he +came to talk to me!--For it seems there was no occasion to dispute with +me on the point I was to be supposed to have conceded to.--See, also, +how unfairly my brother and sister must have represented their pretended +kindness, when (though the had an end to answer by appearing kind) their +antipathy to me seems to have been so strong, that they could not help +insulting me by their arm-in-arm lover-like behaviour to each other; as +my sister afterwards likewise did, when she came to borrow my Kempis. + +I lifted up my hands and eyes! I cannot, said I, give this treatment a +name! The end so unlikely to be answered by means so low! I know whose +the whole is! He that could get my uncle Harlowe to contribute his part, +and to procure the acquiescence of the rest of my friends to it, must +have the power to do any thing with them against me. + +Again my aunt told me, that talking and invective, now I had given the +expectation, would signify nothing. She hoped I would not shew every +one, that they had been too forward in their constructions of my desire +to oblige them. She could assure me, that it would be worse for me, if +now I receded, than if I had never advanced. + +Advanced, Madam! How can you say advanced? Why, this is a trick upon +me! A poor low trick! Pardon me, Madam, I don't say you have a hand in +it.--But, my dearest Aunt, tell me, Will not my mother be present at +this dreaded interview? Will she not so far favour me? Were it but to +qualify-- + +Qualify, my dear, interrupted she--your mother, and your uncle Harlowe +would not be present on this occasion for the world-- + +O then, Madam, how can they look upon my consent to this interview as an +advance? + +My aunt was displeased at this home-push. Miss Clary, said she, there is +no dealing with you. It would be happy for you, and for every body else, +were your obedience as ready as your wit. I will leave you-- + +Not in anger, I hope, Madam, interrupted I--all I meant was, to observe, +that let the meeting issue as it may, and as it must issue, it cannot be +a disappointment to any body. + +O Miss! you seem to be a very determined young creature. Mr. Solmes +will be here at your time: and remember once more, that upon the coming +afternoon depend upon the peace of your whole family, and your own +happiness. + +And so saying, down she hurried. + +Here I will stop. In what way I shall resume, or when, is not left to +me to conjecture; much less determine. I am excessively uneasy!--No good +news from your mother, I doubt!--I will deposit thus far, for fear of +the worst. + +Adieu, my best, rather, my only friend! CL. HARLOWE. + + + + +LETTER XXXIV + +MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWE TUESDAY EVENING; AND CONTINUED +THROUGH THE NIGHT. + +Well, my dear, I am alive, and here! but how long I shall be either +here, or alive, I cannot say. I have a vast deal to write; and perhaps +shall have little time for it. Nevertheless, I must tell you how the +saucy Betty again discomposed me, when she came up with this Solmes's +message; although, as you will remember from my last, I was in a way +before that wanted no additional surprises. + +Miss! Miss! Miss! cried she, as fast as she could speak, with her arms +spread abroad, and all her fingers distended, and held up, will you be +pleased to walk down into your own parlour?--There is every body, I will +assure you in full congregation!--And there is Mr. Solmes, as fine as a +lord, with a charming white peruke, fine laced shirt and ruffles, coat +trimmed with silver, and a waistcoat standing on end with lace!--Quite +handsome, believe me!--You never saw such an alteration!--Ah! Miss, +shaking her head, 'tis pity you have said so much against him! but you +will know how to come off for all that!--I hope it will not be too late! + +Impertinence! said I--Wert thou bid to come up in this fluttering +way?--and I took up my fan, and fanned myself. + +Bless me! said she, how soon these fine young ladies will be put into +flusterations!--I mean not either to offend or frighten you, I am +sure.-- + +Every body there, do you say?--Who do you call every body? + +Why, Miss, holding out her left palm opened, and with a flourish, and +a saucy leer, patting it with the fore finger of the other, at every +mentioned person, there is your papa!--there is your mamma!--there is +your uncle Harlowe!--there is your uncle Antony!--your aunt Hervey!--my +young lady!--and my young master!--and Mr. Solmes, with the air of a +great courtier, standing up, because he named you:--Mrs. Betty, said he, +[then the ape of a wench bowed and scraped, as awkwardly as I suppose +the person did whom she endeavoured to imitate,] pray give my humble +service to Miss, and tell her, I wait her commands. + +Was not this a wicked wench?--I trembled so, I could hardly stand. I was +spiteful enough to say, that her young mistress, I supposed, bid her put +on these airs, to frighten me out of a capacity of behaving so calmly as +should procure me my uncles' compassion. + +What a way do you put yourself in, Miss, said the insolent!--Come, dear +Madam, taking up my fan, which I had laid down, and approaching me with +it, fanning, shall I-- + +None of thy impertinence!--But say you, all my friends are below with +him? And am I to appear before them all? + +I can't tell if they'll stay when you come. I think they seemed to be +moving when Mr. Solmes gave me his orders.--But what answer shall I +carry to the 'squire? + +Say, I can't go!--but yet when 'tis over, 'tis over!--Say, I'll wait +upon--I'll attend--I'll come presently--say anything; I care not +what--but give me my fan, and fetch me a glass of water-- + +She went, and I fanned myself all the time; for I was in a flame; and +hemmed, and struggled with myself all I could; and, when she returned, +drank my water; and finding no hope presently of a quieter heart, I sent +her down, and followed her with precipitation; trembling so, that, had +I not hurried, I question if I could have got down at all.--Oh my dear, +what a poor, passive machine is the body when the mind is disordered! + +There are two doors to my parlour, as I used to call it. As I entered +one, my friends hurried out the other. I just saw the gown of my sister, +the last who slid away. My uncle Antony went out with them: but he staid +not long, as you shall hear; and they all remained in the next parlour, +a wainscot partition only parting the two. I remember them both in one: +but they were separated in favour of us girls, for each to receive her +visitors in at her pleasure. + +Mr. Solmes approached me as soon as I entered, cringing to the ground, +a visible confusion in every feature of his face. After half a dozen +choaked-up Madams,--he was very sorry--he was very much concerned--it +was his misfortune--and there he stopped, being unable presently to +complete a sentence. + +This gave me a little more presence of mind. Cowardice in a foe begets +courage in one's self--I see that plainly now--yet perhaps, at bottom, +the new-made bravo is a greater coward than the other. + +I turned from him, and seated myself in one of the fireside chairs, +fanning myself. I have since recollected, that I must have looked +very saucily. Could I have had any thoughts of the man, I should have +despised myself for it. But what can be said in the case of an aversion +so perfectly sincere? + +He hemmed five or six times, as I had done above; and these produced a +sentence--that I could not but see his confusion. This sentence produced +two or three more. I believe my aunt had been his tutoress; for it was +his awe, his reverence for so superlative a Lady [I assure you!] And he +hoped--he hoped--three times he hoped, before he told me what--at +last it came out, that I was too generous (generosity, he said, was my +character) to despise him for such--for such--for such--true tokens of +his love. + +I do indeed see you under some confusion, Sir; and this gives me hope, +that although I have been compelled, as I may call it, to give way +to this interview, it may be attended with happier effects than I had +apprehended from it. + +He had hemmed himself into more courage. + +You could not, Madam, imagine any creature so blind to your merits, +and so little attracted by them, as easily to forego the interest and +approbation he was honoured with by your worthy family, while he had +any hope given him, that one day he might, by his perseverance and zeal, +expect your favour. + +I am but too much aware, Sir, that it is upon the interest and +approbation you mention, that you build such hope. It is impossible +otherwise, that a man, who has any regard for his own happiness, would +persevere against such declarations as I have made, and think myself +obliged to make, in justice to you, as well as to myself. + +He had seen many instances, he told me, and had heard of more, where +ladies had seemed as averse, and yet had been induced, some by motives +of compassion, others by persuasion of friends, to change their minds; +and had been very happy afterwards: and he hoped this might be the case +here. + +I have no notion, Sir, of compliment, in an article of such importance +as this: yet I am sorry to be obliged to speak my mind so plainly as I +am going to do.--Know then, that I have invincible objections, Sir, to +your address. I have avowed them with an earnestness that I believe is +without example: and why?--because I believe it is without example that +any young creature, circumstanced as I am, was ever treated as I have +been treated on your account. + +It is hoped, Madam, that your consent may in time be obtained--that is +the hope; and I shall be a miserable man if it cannot. + +Better, Sir, give me leave to say, you were miserable by yourself, than +that you should make two so. + +You may have heard, Madam, things to my disadvantage. No man is without +enemies. Be pleased to let me know what you have heard, and I will +either own my faults, and amend; or I will convince you that I am basely +bespattered: and once I understand you overheard something that I should +say, that gave you offence: unguardedly, perhaps; but nothing but what +shewed my value, and that I would persist so long as I have hope. + +I have indeed heard many things to your disadvantage:--and I was far +from being pleased with what I overheard fall from your lips: but as you +were not any thing to me, and never could be, it was not for me to be +concerned about the one or the other. + +I am sorry, Madam, to hear this. I am sure you should not tell me of my +fault, that I would be unwilling to correct in myself. + +Then, Sir, correct this fault--do not wish to have a young creature +compelled in the most material article of her life, for the sake of +motives she despises; and in behalf of a person she cannot value: one +that has, in her own right, sufficient to set her above all your offers, +and a spirit that craves no more than what it has, to make itself easy +and happy. + +I don't see, Madam, how you would be happy, if I were to discontinue my +address: for-- + +That is nothing to you, Sir, interrupted I: do you but withdraw your +pretensions: and if it will be thought fit to start up another man for +my punishment, the blame will not lie at your door. You will be entitled +to my thanks, and most heartily will I thank you. + +He paused, and seemed a little at a loss: and I was going to give him +still stronger and more personal instances of my plain-dealing; when in +came my uncle Antony. + +So, Niece, so!--sitting in state like a queen, giving audience! haughty +audience!--Mr. Solmes, why stand you thus humbly?--Why this distance, +man? I hope to see you upon a more intimate footing before we part. + +I arose, as soon as he entered--and approached him with a bend knee: Let +me, Sir, reverence my uncle, whom I have not for so long time seen!--Let +me, Sir, bespeak your favour and compassion. + +You will have the favour of every body, Niece, when you know how to +deserve it. + +If ever I deserved it, I deserve it now.--I have been hardly used!--I +have made proposals that ought to be accepted, and such as would not +have been asked of me. What have I done, that I must be banished and +confined thus disgracefully? that I must not be allowed to have any +free-will in an article that concerns my present and future happiness?-- + +Miss Clary, replied my uncle, you have had your will in every thing till +now; and this makes your parents' will sit so heavy upon you. + +My will, Sir! be pleased to allow me to ask, what was my will till now, +but my father's will, and yours and my uncle Harlowe's will?--Has it not +been my pride to obey and oblige?--I never asked a favour, that I did +not first sit down and consider, if it were fit to be granted. And now, +to shew my obedience, have I not offered to live single?--Have I not +offered to divest myself of my grandfather's bounty, and to cast myself +upon my father's! and that to be withdrawn, whenever I disoblige him? +Why, dear, good Sir, am I to be made unhappy in a point so concerning my +happiness? + +Your grandfather's estate is not wished from you. You are not desired +to live a single life. You know our motives, and we guess at yours. And, +let me tell you, well as we love you, we should much sooner choose to +follow you to the grave, than that yours should take place. + +I will engage never to marry any man, without my father's consent, and +yours, Sir, and every body's. Did I ever give you cause to doubt my +word?--And here I will take the solemnest oath that can be offered me-- + +That is the matrimonial one, interrupted he, with a big voice--and to +this gentleman.--It shall, it shall, cousin Clary!--And the more you +oppose it, the worse it shall be for you. + +This, and before the man, who seemed to assume courage upon it, highly +provoked me. + +Then, Sir, you shall sooner follow me to the grave indeed.--I will +undergo the cruelest death--I will even consent to enter into that awful +vault of my ancestors, and have that bricked up upon me, rather than +consent to be miserable for life. And, Mr. Solmes, turning to him, take +notice of what I say: This or any death, I will sooner undergo [that +will quickly be over] than be yours, and for ever unhappy! + +My uncle was in a terrible rage upon this. He took Mr. Solmes by the +hand, shocked as the man seemed to be, and drew him to the window--Don't +be surprised, Mr. Solmes, don't be concerned at this. We know, and rapt +out a sad oath, what women will say in their wrath: the wind is not more +boisterous, nor more changeable; and again he swore to that.--If you +think it worthwhile to wait for such an ungrateful girl as this, I'll +engage she'll veer about; I'll engage she shall. And a third time +violently swore to it. + +Then coming up to me (who had thrown myself, very much disordered by my +vehemence, into the most distant window) as if he would have beat me; +his face violently working, his hands clinched, and his teeth set--Yes, +yes, yes, you shall, Cousin Clary, be Mr. Solmes's wife; we will see +that you shall; and this in one week at farthest.--And then a fourth +time he confirmed it!--Poor gentleman! how he swore! + +I am sorry, Sir, said I, to see you in such a passion. All this, I am +but too sensible, is owing to my brother's instigation; who would not +himself give the instance of duty that is sought to be exacted from me. +It is best for me to withdraw. I shall but provoke you farther, I fear: +for although I would gladly obey you if I could, yet this is a point +determined with me; and I cannot so much as wish to get over it. + +How could I avoid making these strong declarations, the man in presence? + +I was going out at the door I came in at; the gentlemen looking upon one +another, as if referring to each other what to do, or whether to engage +my stay, or suffer me to go; and whom should I meet at the door but my +brother, who had heard all that had passed! + +He bolted upon me so unexpectedly, that I was surprised. He took my +hand, and grasped it with violence: Return, pretty Miss, said he; +return, if you please. You shall not yet be bricked up. Your instigating +brother shall save you from that!--O thou fallen angel, said he, peering +up to my downcast face--such a sweetness here!--and such an obstinacy +there! tapping my neck--O thou true woman--though so young!--But you +shall not have your rake: remember that; in a loud whisper, as if he +would be decently indecent before the man. You shall be redeemed, and +this worthy gentleman, raising his voice, will be so good as to redeem +you from ruin--and hereafter you will bless him, or have reason to bless +him, for his condescension; that was the brutal brother's word! + +He had led me up to meet Mr. Solmes, whose hand he took, as he held +mine. Here, Sir, said he, take the rebel daughter's hand: I give it you +now: she shall confirm the gift in a week's time; or will have neither +father, mother, nor uncles, to boast of. + +I snatched my hand away. + +How now, Miss--! + +And how now, Sir!--What right have you to dispose of my hand?--If you +govern every body else, you shall not govern me; especially in a point +so immediately relative to myself, and in which you neither have, nor +ever shall have, any thing to do. + +I would have broken from him; but he held my hand too fast. + +Let me go, Sir!--Why am I thus treated?--You design, I doubt not, with +your unmanly gripings, to hurt me, as you do: But again I ask, wherefore +is it that I am to be thus treated by you? + +He tossed my hand from him with a whirl, that pained my very shoulder. I +wept, and held my other hand to the part. + +Mr. Solmes blamed him. So did my uncle. + +He had no patience, he said, with such a perverse one; and to think of +the reflections upon himself, before he entered. He had only given me +back the hand I had not deserved he should touch. It was one of my arts +to pretend to be so pained. + +Mr. Solmes said, he would sooner give up all his hopes of me, than that +I should be used unkindly.--And he offered to plead in my behalf to them +both; and applied himself with a bow, as if for my approbation of his +interposition. + +Interpose not, Mr. Solmes, said I, to save me from my brother's +violence. I cannot wish to owe an obligation to a man whose ungenerous +perseverance is the occasion of that violence, and of all my disgraceful +sufferings. + +How generous in you, Mr. Solmes, said my brother, to interpose so kindly +in behalf of such an immovable spirit! I beg of you to persist in your +address--the unnatural brother called it address!--For all our family's +sake, and for her sake too, if you love her, persist!--Let us save her, +if possible, from ruining herself. Look at her person! [and he gazed at +me, from head to foot, pointing at me, as he referred to Mr. Solmes,] +think of her fine qualities!--all the world confesses them, and we all +gloried in her till now. She is worth saving; and, after two or three +more struggles, she will be yours, and take my word for it, will reward +your patience. Talk not, therefore, of giving up your hopes, for a +little whining folly. She has entered upon a parade, which she knows +not how to quit with a female grace. You have only her pride and her +obstinacy to encounter: and depend upon it, you will be as happy a man +in a fortnight, as a married man can be. + +You have heard me say, my dear, that my brother has always taken a +liberty to reflect upon our sex, and upon matrimony!--He would not, if +he did not think it wit to do so!--Just as poor Mr. Wyerley, and others, +whom we both know, profane and ridicule scripture; and all to evince +their pretensions to the same pernicious talent, and to have it thought +they are too wise to be religious. + +Mr. Solmes, with a self-satisfied air, presumptuously said, he would +suffer every thing, to oblige my family, and to save me: and doubted not +to be amply rewarded, could he be so happy as to succeed at last. + +Mr. Solmes, said I, if you have any regard for your own happiness, (mine +is out of the question with you, you have not generosity enough to make +that any part of your scheme,) prosecute no father your address, as my +brother calls it. It is but too just to tell you, that I could not bring +my heart so much as to think of you, without the utmost disapprobation, +before I was used as I have been:--And can you think I am such a slave, +such a poor slave, as to be brought to change my mind by the violent +usage I have met with? + +And you, Sir, turning to my brother, if you think that meekness always +indicates tameness; and that there is no magnanimity without bluster; +own yourself mistaken for once: for you shall have reason to judge from +henceforth, that a generous mind is not to be forced; and that-- + +No more, said the imperious wretch, I charge you, lifting up his hands +and eyes. Then turning to my uncle, Do you hear, Sir? this is your once +faultless niece! This is your favourite! + +Mr. Solmes looked as if he know not what to think of the matter; and had +I been left alone with him, I saw plainly I could have got rid of him +easily enough. + +My uncle came to me, looking up also to my face, and down to my feet: +and is it possible this can be you? All this violence from you, Miss +Clary? + +Yes, it is possible, Sir--and, I will presume to say, this vehemence on +my side is but the natural consequence of the usage I have met with, and +the rudeness I am treated with, even in your presence, by a brother, who +has no more right to controul me, than I have to controul him. + +This usage, cousin Clary, was not till all other means were tried with +you. + +Tried! to what end, Sir?--Do I contend for any thing more than a mere +negative? You may, Sir, [turning to Mr. Solmes,] possibly you may be +induced the rather to persevere thus ungenerously, as the usage I have +met with for your sake, and what you have now seen offered to me by my +brother, will shew you what I can bear, were my evil destiny ever to +make me yours. + +Lord, Madam, cried Solmes, [all this time distorted into twenty +different attitudes, as my brother and my uncle were blessing +themselves, and speaking only to each other by their eyes, and by their +working features; Lord, Madam,] what a construction is this! + +A fair construction, Sir, interrupted I: for he that can see a person, +whom he pretends to value, thus treated, and approve of it, must be +capable of treating her thus himself. And that you do approve of it, +is evident by your declared perseverance, when you know I am confined, +banished, and insulted, in order to make me consent to be what I never +can be: and this, let me tell you, as I have often told others, not from +motives of obstinacy, but aversion. + +Excuse me, Sir, turning to my uncle--to you, as to my father's brother, +I owe duty. I beg your pardon, but my brother; he shall not constrain +me.--And [turning to the unnatural wretch--I will call him wretch] knit +your brows, Sir, and frown all you will, I will ask you, would you, in +my case, make the sacrifices I am willing to make, to obtain every one's +favour? If not, what right have you to treat me thus; and to procure me +to be treated as I have been for so long a time past? + +I had put myself by this time into great disorder: they were silent, and +seemed by their looks to want to talk to one another (walking about in +violent disorders too) between whiles. I sat down fanning myself, (as +it happened, against the glass,) and I could perceive my colour go and +come; and being sick to the very heart, and apprehensive of fainting, I +rung. + +Betty came in. I called for a glass of water, and drank it: but nobody +minded me. I heard my brother pronounce the words, Art! Female Art! +to Solmes; which, together with the apprehension that he would not be +welcome, I suppose kept him back. Else I could see the man was affected. +And (still fearing I should faint) I arose, and taking hold of Betty's +arm, let me hold by you, Betty, said I: let me withdraw. And moved +with trembling feet towards the door, and then turned about, and made a +courtesy to my uncle--Permit me, Sir, said I, to withdraw. + +Whither go you, Niece? said my uncle: we have not done with you yet. +I charge you depart not. Mr. Solmes has something to open to you, that +will astonish you--and you shall hear it. + +Only, Sir, by your leave, for a few minutes into the air. I will return, +if you command it. I will hear all that I am to hear; that it may be +over now and for ever.--You will go with me, Betty? + +And so, without any farther prohibition, I retired into the garden; and +there casting myself upon the first seat, and throwing Betty's apron +over my face, leaning against her side, my hands between hers, I gave +way to a violent burst of grief, or passion, or both; which, as it +seemed, saved my heart from breaking, for I was sensible of an immediate +relief. + +I have already given you specimens of Mrs. Betty's impertinence. I shall +not, therefore, trouble you with more: for the wench, notwithstanding +this my distress, took great liberties with me, after she saw me a +little recovered, and as I walked farther into the garden; insomuch +that I was obliged to silence her by an absolute prohibition of saying +another word to me; and then she dropped behind me sullen and gloomy. + +It was near an hour before I was sent for in again. The messenger was +my cousin Dolly Hervey, who, with an eye of compassion and respect, (for +Miss Hervey always loved me, and calls herself my scholar, as you know,) +told my company was desired. + +Betty left us. + +Who commands my attendance, Miss? said I--Have you not been in tears, my +dear? + +Who can forbid tears? said she. + +Why, what is the matter, cousin Dolly?--Sure, nobody is entitled to weep +in this family, but me! + +Yes, I am, Madam, said she, because I love you. + +I kissed her: And is it for me, my sweet Cousin, that you shed +tears?--There never was love lost between us: but tell me, what is +designed to be done with me, that I have this kind instance of your +compassion for me? + +You must take no notice of what I tell you, said the dear girl: but my +mamma has been weeping for you, too, with me; but durst not let any body +see it: O my Dolly, said my mamma, there never was so set a malice +in man as in your cousin James Harlowe. They will ruin the flower and +ornament of their family. + +As how, Miss Dolly?--Did she not explain herself?--As how, my dear? + +Yes; she said, Mr. Solmes would have given up his claim to you; for he +said, you hated him, and there were no hopes; and your mamma was willing +he should; and to have you taken at your word, to renounce Mr. Lovelace +and to live single. My mamma was for it too; for they heard all that +passed between you and uncle Antony, and cousin James; saying, it was +impossible to think of prevailing upon you to have Mr. Solmes. Uncle +Harlowe seemed in the same way of thinking; at least, my mamma says he +did not say any thing to the contrary. But your papa was immovable, and +was angry at your mamma and mine upon it.--And hereupon your brother, +your sister, and my uncle Antony, joined in, and changed the scene +entirely. In short, she says, that Mr. Solmes had great matters engaged +to him. He owned, that you were the finest young lady in England, and +he would be content to be but little beloved, if he could not, after +marriage, engage your heart, for the sake of having the honour to call +you his but for one twelvemonth--I suppose he would break your heart the +next--for he is a cruel-hearted man, I am sure. + +My friends may break my heart, cousin Dolly; but Mr. Solmes will never +have it in his power to break it. + +I do not know that, Miss: you will have good luck to avoid having him, +by what I can find; for my mamma says, they are all now of one mind, +herself excepted; and she is forced to be silent, your papa and brother +are both so outrageous. + +I am got above minding my brother, cousin Dolly:--he is but my brother. +But to my father I owe duty and obedience, if I could comply. + +We are apt to be fond of any body that will side with us, when oppressed +or provoked. I always loved my cousin Dolly; but now she endeared +herself to me ten times more, by her soothing concern for me. I asked +what she would do, were she in my case? + +Without hesitation, she replied, have Mr. Lovelace out of hand, and take +up her own estate, if she were me; and there would be an end to it.--And +Mr. Lovelace, she said, was a fine gentleman:--Mr. Solmes was not worthy +to buckle his shoes. + +Miss Hervey told me further, that her mother was desired to come to me, +to fetch me in; but she excused herself. I should have all my friends, +she said, she believed, sit in judgment upon me. + +I wish it had been so. But, as I have been told since, neither my father +for my mother would trust themselves with seeing me: the one it seems +for passion sake; my mother for tender considerations. + +By this time we entered the house. Miss accompanied me into the parlour, +and left me, as a person devoted, I then thought. + +Nobody was there. I sat down, and had leisure to weep; reflecting upon +what my cousin Dolly had told me. + +They were all in my sister's parlour adjoining: for I heard a confused +mixture of voices, some louder than others, which drowned the more +compassionating accents. + +Female accents I could distinguish the drowned ones to be. O my dear! +what a hard-hearted sex is the other! Children of the same parents, how +came they by their cruelty?--Do they get it by travel?--Do they get +it by conversation with one another?--Or how do they get it?--Yet my +sister, too, is as hard-hearted as any of them. But this may be no +exception neither: for she has been thought to be masculine in her air +and her spirit. She has then, perhaps, a soul of the other sex in a body +of ours. And so, for the honour of our own, will I judge of every +woman for the future, who imitating the rougher manners of men, acts +unbeseeming the gentleness of her own sex. + +Forgive me, my dear friend, for breaking into my story by these +reflections. Were I rapidly to pursue my narration, without thinking, +without reflecting, I believe I should hardly be able to keep in my +right mind: since vehemence and passion would then be always uppermost; +but while I think as I write, I cool, and my hurry of spirits is +allayed. + +I believe I was about a quarter of an hour enjoying my own comfortless +contemplations, before any body came in to me; for they seemed to be +in full debate. My aunt looked in first; O my dear, said she, are you +there? and withdrew hastily to apprize them of it. + +And then (as agreed upon I suppose) in came my uncle Antony, crediting +Mr. Solmes with the words, Let me lead you in, my dear friend, having +hold of his hand; while the new-made beau awkwardly followed, but more +edgingly, as I may say, setting his feet mincingly, to avoid treading +upon his leader's heels. Excuse me, my dear, this seeming levity; but +those we do not love, appear in every thing ungraceful to us. + +I stood up. My uncle looked very surly.--Sit down!--Sit down, Girl, +said he.--And drawing a chair near me, he placed his dear friend in it, +whether he would or not, I having taken my seat. And my uncle sat on the +other side of me. + +Well, Niece, taking my hand, we shall have very little more to say to +you than we have already said, as to the subject that is so distasteful +to you--unless, indeed, you have better considered of the matter--And +first let me know if you have? + +The matter wants no consideration, Sir. + +Very well, very well, Madam! said my uncle, withdrawing his hands from +mine: Could I ever have thought of this from you? + +For God's sake, dearest Madam, said Mr. Solmes, folding his hands--And +there he stopped. + +For God's sake, what, Sir?--How came God's sake, and your sake, I pray +you, to be the same? + +This silenced him. My uncle could only be angry; and that he was before. + +Well, well, well, Mr. Solmes, said my uncle, no more of supplication. +You have not confidence enough to expect a woman's favour. + +He then was pleased to hint what great things he had designed to do for +me; and that it was more for my sake, after he returned from the Indies, +than for the sake of any other of the family, that he had resolved +to live a single life.--But now, concluded he, that the perverse girl +despises all the great things it was once as much in my will, as it is +in my power, to do for her, I will change my measures. + +I told him, that I most sincerely thanked him for all his kind +intentions to me: but that I was willing to resign all claim to any +other of his favours than kind looks and kind words. + +He looked about him this way and that. + +Mr. Solmes looked pitifully down. + +But both being silent, I was sorry, I added, that I had too much reason +to say a very harsh thing, as I might be thought; which was, That if +he would but be pleased to convince my brother and sister, that he was +absolutely determined to alter his generous purposes towards me, +it might possibly procure me better treatment from both, than I was +otherwise likely to have. + +My uncle was very much displeased. But he had not the opportunity to +express his displeasure, as he seemed preparing to do; for in came my +brother in exceeding great wrath; and called me several vile names. His +success hitherto, in his device against me, had set him above keeping +even decent measures. + +Was this my spiteful construction? he asked--Was this the interpretation +I put upon his brotherly care of me, and concern for me, in order to +prevent my ruining myself? + +It is, indeed it is, said I: I know no other way to account for your +late behaviour to me: and before your face, I repeat my request to my +uncle, and I will make it to my other uncle whenever I am permitted to +see him, that they will confer all their favours upon you, and upon my +sister; and only make me happy (it is all I wish for!) in their kind +looks, and kind words. + +How they all gazed upon one another!--But could I be less peremptory +before the man? + +And, as to your care and concern for me, Sir, turning to my brother; +once more I desire it not. You are but my brother. My father and mother, +I bless God, are both living; and were they not, you have given me +abundant reason to say, that you are the very last person I would wish +to have any concern for me. + +How, Niece! And is a brother, an only brother, of so little +consideration with you, as this comes to? And ought he to have no +concern for his sister's honour, and the family's honour. + +My honour, Sir!--I desire none of his concern for that! It never was +endangered till it had his undesired concern!--Forgive me, Sir--but when +my brother knows how to act like a brother, or behave like a gentleman, +he may deserve more consideration from me than it is possible for me now +to think he does. + +I thought my brother would have beat me upon this: but my uncle stood +between us. + +Violent girl, however, he called me--Who, said he, who would have +thought it of her? + +Then was Mr. Solmes told, that I was unworthy of his pursuit. + +But Mr. Solmes warmly took my part: he could not bear, he said, that I +should be treated so roughly. + +And so very much did he exert himself on this occasion, and so patiently +was his warmth received by my brother, that I began to suspect, that it +was a contrivance to make me think myself obliged to him; and that this +might perhaps be one end of the pressed-for interview. + +The very suspicion of this low artifice, violent as I was thought to be +before, put me still more out of patience; and my uncle and my brother +again praising his wonderful generosity, and his noble return of good +for evil, You are a happy man, Mr. Solmes, said I, that you can +so easily confer obligations upon a whole family, except upon one +ungrateful person of it, whom you seem to intend most to oblige; but +who being made unhappy by your favour, desires not to owe to you any +protection from the violence of a brother. + +Then was I a rude, an ungrateful, and unworthy creature. + +I own it all--all, all you can call me, or think me, Brother, do I own. +I own my unworthiness with regard to this gentleman. I take your word +for his abundant merit, which I have neither leisure nor inclination to +examine into--it may perhaps be as great as your own--but yet I cannot +thank him for his great mediation: For who sees not, looking at my +uncle, that this is giving himself a merit with every body at my +expense? + +Then turning to my brother, who seemed surprised into silence by my +warmth, I must also acknowledge, Sir, the favour of your superabundant +care for me. But I discharge you of it; at least, while I have the +happiness of nearer and dearer relations. You have given me no reason to +think better of your prudence, than of my own. I am independent of you, +Sir, though I never desire to be so of my father: and although I wish +for the good opinion of my uncles, it is all I wish for from them: and +this, Sir, I repeat, to make you and my sister easy. + +Instantly almost came in Betty, in a great hurry, looking at me as +spitefully as if she were my sister: Sir, said she to my brother, my +master desires to speak with you this moment at the door. + +He went to that which led into my sister's parlour; and this sentence +I heard thundered from the mouth of one who had a right to all my +reverence: Son James, let the rebel be this moment carried away to my +brother's--this very moment--she shall not stay one hour more under my +roof! + +I trembled; I was ready to sink. Yet, not knowing what I did, or said, I +flew to the door, and would have opened it: but my brother pulled it to, +and held it close by the key--O my Papa!--my dear Papa! said I, falling +upon my knees, at the door--admit your child to your presence!--Let me +but plead my cause at your feet!--Oh! reprobate not thus your distressed +daughter! + +My uncle put his handkerchief to his eyes. Mr. Solmes made a still more +grievous face than he had before. But my brother's marble heart was +untouched. + +I will not stir from my knees, continued I, without admission; at this +door I beg it!--Oh! let it be the door of mercy! and open it to me, +honoured Sir, I beseech you!--But this once, this once! although you +were afterwards to shut it against me for ever! + +The door was endeavoured to be opened on the inside, which made my +brother let go the key on a sudden; and I pressing against it, (all +the time remaining on my knees,) fell flat on my face into the other +parlour; however without hurting myself. But every body was gone, except +Betty, who I suppose was the person that endeavoured to open the door. +She helped to raise me up; and when I was on my feet, I looked round +that apartment, and seeing nobody there, re-entered the other, leaning +upon her; and then threw myself into the chair which I had sat in +before; and my eyes overflowed, to my great relief: while my uncle +Antony, my brother, and Mr. Solmes, left me, and went to my other +relations. + +What passed among them, I know not: but my brother came in by the time +I had tolerably recovered myself, with a settled and haughty gloom upon +his brow--Your father and mother command you instantly to prepare for +your uncle Antony's. You need not be solicitous about what you shall +take with you: you may give Betty your keys--Take them, Betty, if the +perverse one has them about her, and carry them to her mother. She will +take care to send every thing after you that you shall want--but another +night you will not be permitted to stay in this house. + +I don't choose to give my keys to any body, except to my mother, and +into her own hands.--You see how much I am disordered. It may cost me +my life, to be hurried away so suddenly. I beg to be indulged till next +Monday at least. + +That will not be granted you. So prepare for this very very night. +And give up your keys. Give them to me, Miss. I'll carry them to your +mother. + +Excuse me, Brother. Indeed I won't. + +Indeed you must. Have you any thing you are afraid should be seen by +your mother? + +Not if I be permitted to attend her. + +I'll make a report accordingly. + +He went out. + +In came Miss Dolly Hervey: I am sorry, Madam, to be the messenger--but +your mamma insists upon your sending up all the keys of your cabinet, +library, and drawers. + +Tell my mother, that I yield them up to her commands: tell her, I +make no conditions with my mother: but if she finds nothing she shall +disapprove of, I beg that she will permit me to tarry here a few days +longer.--Try, my Dolly, [the dear girl sobbing with grief;] try if your +gentleness cannot prevail for me. + +She wept still more, and said, It is sad, very sad, to see matters thus +carried! + +She took the keys, and wrapped her arms about me; and begged me to +excuse her for her message; and would have said more; but Betty's +presence awed her, as I saw. + +Don't pity me, my dear, said I. It will be imputed to you as a fault. +You see who is by. + +The insolent wench scornfully smiled: One young lady pitying another +in things of this nature, looks promising in the youngest, I must needs +say. + +I bid her begone from my presence. + +She would most gladly go, she said, were she not to stay about me by my +mother's order. + +It soon appeared for what she staid; for I offering to go up stairs to +my apartment when my cousin went from me with the keys, she told me she +was commanded (to her very great regret, she must own) to desire me not +to go up at present. + +Such a bold face, as she, I told her, should not hinder me. + +She instantly rang the bell, and in came my brother, meeting me at the +door. + +Return, return, Miss--no going up yet. + +I went in again, and throwing myself upon the window-seat, wept +bitterly. + +Shall I give you the particulars of a ridiculously-spiteful conversation +that passed between my brother and me, in the time that he (with +Betty) was in office to keep me in the parlour while my closet was +searching!--But I think I will not. It can answer no good end. + +I desired several times, while he staid, to have leave to retire to my +apartment; but was denied. The search, I suppose, was not over. + +Bella was one of those employed in it. They could not have a more +diligent searcher. How happy it was they were disappointed! + +But when my sister could not find the cunning creature's papers, I was +to stand another visit from Mr. Solmes--preceded now by my aunt Hervey, +solely against her will, I could see that; accompanied by my uncle +Antony, in order to keep her steady, I suppose. + +But being a little heavy (for it is now past two in the morning) I +will lie down in my clothes, to indulge the kind summons, if it will be +indulged. + + +THREE O'CLOCK, WEDNESDAY MORNING. + +I could not sleep--Only dozed away one half-hour. + +My aunt Hervey accosted me thus:--O my dear child, what troubles do you +give to your parents, and to every body!--I wonder at you! + +I am sorry for it, Madam. + +Sorry for it, child!--Why then so very obstinate?--Come, sit down, my +dear. I will sit next to you; taking my hand. + +My uncle placed Mr. Solmes on the other side of me: himself over-against +me, almost close to me. Was I not finely beset, my dear? + +Your brother, child, said my aunt, is too passionate--his zeal for your +welfare pushes him on a little too vehemently. + +Very true, said my uncle: but no more of this. We would now be glad to +see if milder means will do with you--though, indeed, they were tried +before. + +I asked my aunt, If it were necessary, that the gentleman should be +present? + +There is a reason that he should, said my aunt, as you will hear by-and +by.--But I must tell you, first, that, thinking you was a little too +angrily treated by your brother, your mother desired me to try what +gentler means would do upon a spirit so generous as we used to think +yours. + +Nothing can be done, Madam, I must presume to say, if this gentleman's +address be the end. + +She looked upon my uncle, who bit his lip; and looked upon Mr. Solmes, +who rubbed his cheek; and shaking her head, Good, dear creature, said +she, be calm. Let me ask you, If something would have been done, had you +been more gently used, than you seem to think you have been? + +No, Madam, I cannot say it would, in this gentleman's favour. You +know, Madam, you know, Sir, to my uncle, I ever valued myself upon my +sincerity: and once indeed had the happiness to be valued for it. + +My uncle took Mr. Solmes aside. I heard him say, whispering, She must, +she shall, still be yours.--We'll see, who'll conquer, parents or child, +uncles or niece. I doubt not to be witness to all this being got over, +and many a good-humoured jest made of this high phrensy! + +I was heartily vexed. + +Though we cannot find out, continued he, yet we guess, who puts her upon +this obstinate behaviour. It is not natural to her, man. Nor would I +concern myself so much about her, but that I know what I say to be true, +and intend to do great things for her. + +I will hourly pray for that happy time, whispered as audibly Mr. Solmes. +I never will revive the remembrance of what is now so painful to me. + +Well, but, Niece, I am to tell you, said my aunt, that the sending up +of the keys, without making any conditions, has wrought for you what +nothing else could have done. That, and the not finding any thing that +could give them umbrage, together with Mr. Solmes's interposition-- + +O Madam, let me not owe an obligation to Mr. Solmes. I cannot repay it, +except by my thanks; and those only on condition that he will decline +his suit. To my thanks, Sir, [turning to him,] if you have a heart +capable of humanity, if you have any esteem for me for my own sake, I +beseech you to entitle yourself!--I beseech you, do--! + +O Madam, cried he, believe, believe, believe me, it is impossible. While +you are single, I will hope. While that hope is encouraged by so many +worthy friends, I must persevere. I must not slight them, Madam, because +you slight me. + +I answered him only with a look; but it was of high disdain; and turning +from him,--But what favour, dear Madam, [to my aunt,] has the instance +of duty you mention procured me? + +Your mother and Mr. Solmes, replied my aunt, have prevailed, that your +request to stay here till Monday next shall be granted, if you will +promise to go cheerfully then. + +Let me but choose my own visiters, and I will go to my uncle's house +with pleasure. + +Well, Niece, said my aunt, we must wave this subject, I find. We will +now proceed to another, which will require your utmost attention. It +will give you the reason why Mr. Solmes's presence is requisite-- + +Ay, said my uncle, and shew you what sort of a man somebody is. Mr. +Solmes, pray favour us, in the first place, with the letter you received +from your anonymous friend. + +I will, Sir. And out he pulled a letter-case, and taking out a letter, +it is written in answer to one, sent to the person. It is superscribed, +To Roger Solmes, Esq. It begins thus: Honoured Sir-- + +I beg your pardon, Sir, said I: but what, pray, is the intent of reading +this letter to me? + +To let you know what a vile man you are thought to have set your heart +upon, said my uncle, in an audible whisper. + +If, Sir, it be suspected, that I have set my heart upon any other, why +is Mr. Solmes to give himself any further trouble about me? + +Only hear, Niece, said my aunt; only hear what Mr. Solmes has to read +and to say to you on this head. + +If, Madam, Mr. Solmes will be pleased to declare, that he has no view +to serve, no end to promote, for himself, I will hear any thing he shall +read. But if the contrary, you must allow me to say, that it will abate +with me a great deal of the weight of whatever he shall produce. + +Hear it but read, Niece, said my aunt-- + +Hear it read, said my uncle. You are so ready to take part with-- + +With any body, Sir, that is accused anonymously, and from interested +motives. + +He began to read; and there seemed to be a heavy load of charges in this +letter against the poor criminal: but I stopped the reading of it, +and said, It will not be my fault, if this vilified man be not as +indifferent to me, as one whom I never saw. If he be otherwise at +present, which I neither own, nor deny, it proceed from the strange +methods taken to prevent it. Do not let one cause unite him and me, and +we shall not be united. If my offer to live single be accepted, he shall +be no more to me than this gentleman. + +Still--Proceed, Mr. Solmes--Hear it out, Niece, was my uncle's cry. + +But to what purpose, Sir! said I--Had not Mr. Solmes a view in this? +And, besides, can any thing worse be said of Mr. Lovelace, than I have +heard said for several months past? + +But this, said my uncle, and what Mr. Solmes can tell you besides, +amounts to the fullest proof-- + +Was the unhappy man, then, so freely treated in his character before, +without full proof? I beseech you, Sir, give me not too good an opinion +of Mr. Lovelace; as I may have, if such pains be taken to make him +guilty, by one who means not his reformation by it; nor to do good, if I +may presume to say so in this case, to any body but himself. + +I see very plainly, girl, said my uncle, your prepossession, your fond +prepossession, for the person of a man without morals. + +Indeed, my dear, said my aunt, you too much justify all your +apprehension. Surprising! that a young creature of virtue and honour +should thus esteem a man of a quite opposite character! + +Dear Madam, do not conclude against me too hastily. I believe Mr. +Lovelace is far from being so good as he ought to be: but if every man's +private life was searched into by prejudiced people, set on for that +purpose, I know not whose reputation would be safe. I love a virtuous +character, as much in man as in woman. I think it is requisite, and as +meritorious, in the one as in the other. And, if left to myself, I would +prefer a person of such a character to royalty without it. + +Why then, said my uncle-- + +Give me leave, Sir--but I may venture to say, that many of those who +have escaped censure, have not merited applause. + +Permit me to observe further, That Mr. Solmes himself may not be +absolutely faultless. I never head of his virtues. Some vices I have +heard of--Excuse me, Mr. Solmes, I speak to your face--The text about +casting the first stone affords an excellent lesson. + +He looked down; but was silent. + +Mr. Lovelace may have vices you have not. You may have others, which +he has not. I speak not this to defend him, or to accuse you. No man is +bad, no one is good, in every thing. Mr. Lovelace, for example, is said +to be implacable, and to hate my friends: that does not make me value +him the more: but give me leave to say, that they hate him as much. Mr. +Solmes has his antipathies, likewise; very strong ones, and those to his +own relations; which I don't find to be the other's fault; for he lives +well with his--yet he may have as bad:--worse, pardon me, he cannot +have, in my poor opinion: for what must be the man, who hates his own +flesh? + +You know not, Madam; You know not, Niece; all in one breath. You know +not, Clary; + +I may not, nor do I desire to know Mr. Solmes's reasons. It concerns not +me to know them: but the world, even the impartial part of it, accuses +him. If the world is unjust or rash, in one man's case, why may it not +be so in another's? That's all I mean by it. Nor can there by a greater +sign of want of merit, than where a man seeks to pull down another's +character, in order to build up his own. + +The poor man's face was all this time overspread with confusion, +twisted, as it were, and all awry, neither mouth nor nose standing in +the middle of it. He looked as if he were ready to cry: and had he been +capable of pitying me, I had certainly tried to pity him. + +They all three gazed upon one another in silence. + +My aunt, I saw (at least I thought so) looked as if she would have been +glad she might have appeared to approve of what I said. She but feebly +blamed me, when she spoke, for not hearing what Mr. Solmes had to say. +He himself seemed not now very earnest to be heard. My uncle said, +There was no talking to me. And I should have absolutely silenced both +gentlemen, had not my brother come in again to their assistance. + +This was the strange speech he made at his entrance, his eyes flaming +with anger; This prating girl, has struck you all dumb, I perceive. +Persevere, however, Mr. Solmes. I have heard every word she has said: +and I know of no other method of being even with her, than after she is +yours, to make her as sensible of your power, as she now makes you of +her insolence. + +Fie, cousin Harlowe! said my aunt--Could I have thought a brother would +have said this, to a gentleman, of a sister? + +I must tell you, Madam, said he, that you give the rebel courage. +You yourself seem to favour too much the arrogance of her sex in +her; otherwise she durst not have thus stopped her uncle's mouth by +reflections upon him; as well as denied to hear a gentleman tell her +the danger she is in from a libertine, whose protection, as she plainly +hinted, she intends to claim against her family. + +Stopped my uncle's mouth, by reflections upon him, Sir! said I, how can +that be! how dare you to make such an application as this! + +My aunt wept at his reflection upon her.--Cousin, said she to him, if +this be the thanks I have for my trouble, I have done: your father +would not treat me thus--and I will say, that the hint you gave was an +unbrotherly one. + +Not more unbrotherly than all the rest of his conduct to me, of late, +Madam, said I. I see by this specimen of his violence, how every body +has been brought into his measures. Had I any the least apprehension of +ever being in Mr. Solmes's power, this might have affected me. But you +see, Sir, to Mr. Solmes, what a conduct is thought necessary to enable +you to arrive at your ungenerous end. You see how my brother courts for +you. + +I disclaim Mr. Harlowe's violence, Madam, with all my soul. I will never +remind you-- + +Silence, worthy Sir, said I; I will take care you never shall have the +opportunity. + +Less violence, Clary, said my uncle. Cousin James, you are as much to +blame as your sister. + +In then came my sister. Brother, said she, you kept not your promise. +You are thought to be to blame within, as well as here. Were not Mr. +Solmes's generosity and affection to the girl well known, what you said +would have been inexcusable. My father desires to speak with you; and +with you, Mr. Solmes, if you please. + +They all four withdrew into the next apartment. + +I stood silent, as not knowing presently how to take this intervention +of my sister's. But she left me not long at a loss--O thou perverse +thing, said she [poking out her angry face at me, when they were all +gone, but speaking spitefully low]--what trouble do you give to us all! + +You and my brother, Bella, said I, give trouble to yourselves; yet +neither you nor he have any business to concern yourselves about me. + +She threw out some spiteful expressions, still in a low voice, as if she +chose not to be heard without; and I thought it best to oblige her to +raise her tone a little, if I could. If I could, did I say? It is easy +to make a passionate spirit answer all one's views upon it. + +She accordingly flamed out in a raised tone: and this brought my cousin +Dolly in to us. Miss Harlowe, your company is desired. + +I will come presently, cousin Dolly. + +But again provoking a severity from me which she could not bear, and +calling me names! in once more come Dolly, with another message, that +her company was desired. + +Not mine, I doubt, Miss Dolly, said I. + +The sweet-tempered girl burst out into tears, and shook her head. + +Go in before me, child, said Bella, [vexed to see her concern for me,] +with thy sharp face like a new moon: What dost thou cry for? is it to +make thy keen face look still keener? + +I believe Bella was blamed, too, when she went in; for I heard her say, +the creature was so provoking, there was no keeping a resolution. + +Mr. Solmes, after a little while, came in again by himself, to take +leave of me: full of scrapes and compliments; but too well tutored and +encouraged, to give me hope of his declining his suit. He begged me +not to impute to him any of the severe things to which he had been a +sorrowful witness. He besought my compassion, as he called it. + +He said, the result was, that he still had hopes given him; and, +although discouraged by me, he was resolved to persevere, while I +remained single.--And such long and such painful services he talked of, +as never before were heard of. + +I told him in the strongest manner, what he had to trust to. + +Yet still he determined to persist.--While I was no man's else, he must +hope. + +What! said I, will you still persist, when I declare, as I do now, that +my affections are engaged?--And let my brother make the most of it. + +He knew my principles, and adored me for them. He doubted not, that it +was in his power to make me happy: and he was sure I would not want the +will to be so. + +I assured him, that were I to be carried to my uncle's, it should answer +no end; for I would never see him; nor receive a line from him; nor hear +a word in his favour, whoever were the person who should mention him to +me. + +He was sorry for it. He must be miserable, were I to hold in that mind. +But he doubted not, that I might be induced by my father and uncles to +change it-- + +Never, never, he might depend upon it. + +It was richly worth his patience, and the trial. + +At my expense?--At the price of all my happiness, Sir? + +He hoped I should be induced to think otherwise. + +And then would he have run into his fortune, his settlements, his +affection--vowing, that never man loved a woman with so sincere a +passion as he loved me. + +I stopped him, as to the first part of his speech: and to the second, +of the sincerity of his passion, What then, Sir, said I, is your love to +one, who must assure you, that never young creature looked upon man with +a more sincere disapprobation, than I look upon you? And tell me, +what argument can you urge, that this true declaration answers not +before-hand? + +Dearest Madam, what can I say?--On my knees I beg-- + +And down the ungraceful wretch dropped on his knees. + +Let me not kneel in vain, Madam: let me not be thus despised.--And he +looked most odiously sorrowful. + +I have kneeled too, Mr. Solmes: often have I kneeled: and I will kneel +again--even to you, Sir, will I kneel, if there be so much merit in +kneeling; provided you will not be the implement of my cruel brother's +undeserved persecution. + +If all the services, even to worship you, during my whole life--You, +Madam, invoke and expect mercy; yet shew none-- + +Am I to be cruel to myself, to shew mercy to you; take my estate, Sir, +with all my heart, since you are such a favourite in this house!--only +leave me myself--the mercy you ask for, do you shew to others. + +If you mean to my relations, Madam--unworthy as they are, all shall be +done that you shall prescribe. + +Who, I, Sir, to find you bowels you naturally have not? I to purchase +their happiness by the forfeiture of my own? What I ask you for, +is mercy to myself: that, since you seem to have some power over my +relations, you will use it in my behalf. Tell them, that you see I +cannot conquer my aversion to you: tell them, if you are a wise man, +that you too much value your own happiness, to risk it against such a +determined antipathy: tell them that I am unworthy of your offers: and +that in mercy to yourself, as well as to me, you will not prosecute a +suit so impossible to be granted. + +I will risque all consequences, said the fell wretch, rising, with a +countenance whitened over, as if with malice, his hollow eyes flashing +fire, and biting his under lip, to shew he could be manly. Your hatred, +Madam, shall be no objection with me: and I doubt not in a few days to +have it in my power to shew you-- + +You have it in your power, Sir-- + +He came well off--To shew you more generosity than, noble as you are +said to be to others, you shew to me. + +The man's face became his anger: it seems formed to express the passion. + +At that instant, again in came my brother--Sister, Sister, Sister, said +he, with his teeth set, act on the termagant part you have so newly +assumed--most wonderfully well does it become you. It is but a +short one, however. Tyraness in your turn, accuse others of your own +guilt--But leave her, leaver her, Mr. Solmes: her time is short. You'll +find her humble and mortified enough very quickly. Then, how like a +little tame fool will she look, with her conscience upbraiding her, and +begging of you [with a whining voice, the barbarous brother spoke] to +forgive and forget! + +More he said, as he flew out, with a glowing face, upon Shorey's coming +in to recall him on his violence. + +I removed from chair to chair, excessively frighted and disturbed at +this brutal treatment. + +The man attempted to excuse himself, as being sorry for my brother's +passion. + +Leave me, leave me, Sir, fanning--or I shall faint. And indeed I thought +I should. + +He recommended himself to my favour with an air of assurance; augmented, +as I thought, by a distress so visible in me; for he even snatched my +trembling, my struggling hand; and ravished it to his odious mouth. + +I flung from him with high disdain: and he withdrew, bowing and +cringing; self-gratified, and enjoying, as I thought, the confusion he +saw me in. + +The wretch is now, methinks, before me; and now I see him awkwardly +striding backward, as he retired, till the edge of the opened door, +which he ran against, remembered him to turn his welcome back upon me. + +Upon his withdrawing, Betty brought me word, that I was permitted to +go up to my own chamber: and was bid to consider of every thing: for my +time was short. Nevertheless, she believed I might be permitted to stay +till Saturday. + +She tells me, that although my brother and sister were blamed for being +so hasty with me, yet when they made their report, and my uncle Antony +his, of my provocations, they were all more determined than ever in Mr. +Solmes's favour. + +The wretch himself, she tells me, pretends to be more in love with +me than before; and to be rather delighted than discouraged with the +conversation that passed between us. He ran on, she says, in raptures, +about the grace wherewith I should dignify his board; and the like sort +of stuff, either of his saying, or of her making. + +She closed all with a Now is your time, Miss, to submit with a grace, +and to make your own terms with him:--else, I can tell you, were I Mr. +Solmes, it should be worse for you: And who, Miss, of our sex, proceeded +the saucy creature, would admire a rakish gentleman, when she might be +admired by a sober one to the end of the chapter? + +She made this further speech to me on quitting my chamber--You have +had amazing good luck, Miss. I must tell you, to keep your writings +concealed so cunningly. You must needs think I know that you are always +at your pen: and as you endeavour to hide that knowledge from me, I +do not think myself obliged to keep your secret. But I love not to +aggravate. I had rather reconcile by much. Peace-making is my talent, +and ever was. And had I been as much your foe, as you imagine, you had +not perhaps been here now. But this, however, I do not say to make a +merit with you, Miss: for, truly, it will be the better for you the +sooner every thing is over with you. And better for me, and for every +one else; that's certain. Yet one hint I must conclude with; that your +pen and ink (soon as you are to go away) will not be long in your power, +I do assure you, Miss. And then, having lost that amusement, it will be +seen, how a mind so active as yours will be able to employ itself. + +This hint alarms me so much, that I shall instantly begin to conceal, in +different places, pens, inks, and paper; and to deposit some in the ivy +summer-house, if I can find a safe place there; and, at the worst, I +have got a pencil of black, and another of red lead, which I use in my +drawings; and my patterns shall serve for paper, if I have no other. + +How lucky it was, that I had got away my papers! They made a strict +search for them; that I can see, by the disorderly manner they have left +all things in: for you know that I am such an observer of method, that +I can go to a bit of ribband, or lace, or edging, blindfold. The same in +my books; which they have strangely disordered and mismatched; to look +behind them, and in some of them, I suppose. My clothes too are rumpled +not a little. No place has escaped them. To your hint, I thank you, are +they indebted for their disappointment. + +The pen, through heaviness and fatigue, dropt out of my fingers, at the +word indebted. I resumed it, to finish the sentence; and to tell you, +that I am, + +Your for ever obliged and affectionate CL. HARLOWE. + + + + +LETTER XXXV + +MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWE WEDNESDAY, ELEVEN O'CLOCK, APRIL 5. + + +I must write as I have opportunity; making use of my concealed stores: +for my pens and ink (all of each that they could find) are taken from +me; as I shall tell you about more particularly by and by. + +About an hour ago, I deposited my long letter to you; as also, in the +usual place, a billet to Mr. Lovelace, lest his impatience should put +him upon some rashness; signifying, in four lines, 'That the interview +was over; and that I hoped my steady refusal of Mr. Solmes would +discourage any further applications to me in his favour.' + +Although I was unable (through the fatigue I had undergone, and by +reason of sitting up all night, to write to you, which made me lie +longer than ordinary this morning) to deposit my letter to you sooner, +yet I hope you will have it in such good time, as that you will be able +to send me an answer to it this night, or in the morning early; which, +if ever so short, will inform me, whether I may depend upon your +mother's indulgence or not. This it behoves me to know as soon as +possible; for they are resolved to hurry me away on Saturday next at +farthest; perhaps to-morrow. + +I will now inform you of all that has happened previous to their taking +away my pen and ink, as well as of the manner in which that act of +violence was committed; and this as briefly as I can. + +My aunt, who (as well as Mr. Solmes, and my two uncles) lives here, I +think, came up to me, and said, she would fain have me hear what Mr. +Solmes had to say of Mr. Lovelace--only that I may be apprized of +some things, that would convince me what a vile man he is, and what a +wretched husband he must make. I might give them what degree of credit +I pleased; and take them with abatement for Mr. Solmes's interestedness, +if I thought fit. But it might be of use to me, were it but to question +Mr. Lovelace indirectly upon some of them, that related to myself. + +I was indifferent, I said, about what he could say of me; and I was sure +it could not be to my disadvantage; and as he had no reason to impute to +me the forwardness which my unkind friends had so causelessly taxed me +with. + +She said, That he gave himself high airs on account of his family; and +spoke as despicably of ours as if an alliance with us were beneath him. + +I replied, That he was a very unworthy man, if it were true, to speak +slightingly of a family, which was as good as his own, 'bating that +it was not allied to the peerage: that the dignity itself, I thought, +conveyed more shame than honour to descendants, who had not merit to +adorn, as well as to be adorned by it: that my brother's absurd pride, +indeed, which made him every where declare, he would never marry but to +quality, gave a disgraceful preference against ours: but that were I +to be assured, that Mr. Lovelace was capable of so mean a pride as to +insult us or value himself on such an accidental advantage, I should +think as despicably of his sense, as every body else did of his morals. + +She insisted upon it, that he had taken such liberties, it would be but +common justice (so much hated as he was by all our family, and so +much inveighed against in all companies by them) to inquire into the +provocation he had to say what was imputed to him; and whether the value +some of my friends put upon the riches they possess (throwing perhaps +contempt upon every other advantage, and even discrediting their own +pretensions to family, in order to depreciate his) might not provoke him +to like contempts. Upon the whole, Madam, said I, can you say, that the +inveteracy lies not as much on our side, as on his? Can he say any thing +of us more disrespectful than we say of him?--And as to the suggestion, +so often repeated, that he will make a bad husband, Is it possible for +him to use a wife worse than I am used; particularly by my brother and +sister? + +Ah, Niece! Ah, my dear! how firmly has this wicked man attached you! + +Perhaps not, Madam. But really great care should be taken by fathers and +mothers, when they would have their daughters of their minds in these +particulars, not to say things that shall necessitate the child, in +honour and generosity, to take part with the man her friends are averse +to. But, waving all this, as I have offered to renounce him for ever, I +see now why he should be mentioned to me, nor why I should be wished to +hear any thing about him. + +Well, but still, my dear, there can be no harm to let Mr. Solmes tell +you what Mr. Lovelace has said of you. Severely as you have treated Mr. +Solmes, he is fond of attending you once more: he begs to be heard on +this head. + +If it be proper for me to hear it, Madam-- + +It is, eagerly interrupted she, very proper. + +Has what he has said of me, Madam, convinced you of Mr. Lovelace's +baseness? + +It has, my dear: and that you ought to abhor him for it. + +Then, dear Madam, be pleased to let me hear it from your mouth: there +is no need that I should see Mr. Solmes, when it will have double the +weight from you. What, Madam, has the man dared to say of me? + +My aunt was quite at a loss. + +At last, Well, said she, I see how you are attached. I am sorry for it, +Miss. For I do assure you, it will signify nothing. You must be Mrs. +Solmes; and that in a very few days. + +If consent of heart, and assent of voice, be necessary to a marriage, I +am sure I never can, nor ever will, be married to Mr. Solmes. And what +will any of my relations be answerable for, if they force my hand into +his, and hold it there till the service be read; I perhaps insensible, +and in fits, all the time! + +What a romantic picture of a forced marriage have you drawn, Niece! +Some people would say, you have given a fine description of your own +obstinacy, child. + +My brother and sister would: but you, Madam, distinguish, I am sure, +between obstinacy and aversion. + +Supposed aversion may owe its rise to real obstinacy, my dear. + +I know my own heart, Madam. I wish you did. + +Well, but see Mr. Solmes once more, Niece. It will oblige and make for +you more than you imagine. + +What should I see him for, Madam?--Is the man fond of hearing me declare +my aversion to him?--Is he desirous of having me more and more incense +my friends against myself?--O my cunning, my ambitious brother! + +Ah, my dear! with a look of pity, as if she understood the meaning of my +exclamation--But must that necessarily be the case? + +It must, Madam, if they will take offence at me for declaring my +steadfast detestation of Mr. Solmes, as a husband. + +Mr. Solmes is to be pitied, said she. He adores you. He longs to see +you once more. He loves you the better for your cruel usage of him +yesterday. He is in raptures about you. + +Ugly creature, thought I!--He in raptures! + +What a cruel wretch must he be, said I, who can enjoy the distress to +which he so largely contributes!--But I see, I see, Madam, that I am +considered as an animal to be baited, to make sport for my brother +and sister, and Mr. Solmes. They are all, all of them, wanton in their +cruelty.--I, Madam, see the man! the man so incapable of pity!--Indeed I +will not see him, if I can help it--indeed I will not. + +What a construction does your lively wit put upon the admiration +Mr. Solmes expresses of you!--Passionate as you were yesterday, and +contemptuously as you treated him, he dotes upon you for the very +severity by which he suffers. He is not so ungenerous a man as you think +him: nor has he an unfeeling heart.--Let me prevail upon you, my dear, +(as your father and mother expect it of you,) to see him once more, and +hear what he has to say to you. + +How can I consent to see him again, when yesterday's interview +was interpreted by you, Madam, as well as by every other, as an +encouragement to him? when I myself declared, that if I saw him a second +time by my own consent, it might be so taken? and when I am determined +never to encourage him? + +You might spare your reflections upon me, Miss. I have no thanks either +from one side or the other. + +And away she flung. + +Dearest Madam! said I, following her to the door-- + +But she would not hear me further; and her sudden breaking from me +occasioned a hurry to some mean listener; as the slipping of a foot from +the landing-place on the stairs discovered to me. + +I had scarcely recovered myself from this attack, when up came +Betty--Miss, said she, your company is desired below-stairs in your own +parlour. + +By whom, Betty? + +How can I tell, Miss?--perhaps by your sister, perhaps by your +brother--I know they wont' come up stairs to your apartment again. + +Is Mr. Solmes gone, Betty? + +I believe he is, Miss--Would you have him sent for back? said the bold +creature. + +Down I went: and to whom should I be sent for, but to my brother and Mr. +Solmes! the latter standing sneaking behind the door, so that I saw him +not, till I was mockingly led by the hand into the room by my brother. +And then I started as if I had beheld a ghost. + +You are to sit down, Clary. + +And what then, Brother? + +Why then, you are to put off that scornful look, and hear what Mr. +Solmes has to say to you. + +Sent down for to be baited again, thought I! + +Madam, said Mr. Solmes, as if in haste to speak, lest he should not have +an opportunity given him, [and indeed he judged right,] Mr. Lovelace is +a declared marriage hater, and has a design upon your honour, if ever-- + +Base accuser! said I, in a passion, snatching my hand from my brother, +who was insolently motioning to give it to Mr. Solmes; he has not!--he +dares not!--But you have, if endeavouring to force a free mind be to +dishonour it! + +O thou violent creature! said my brother--but not gone yet--for I was +rushing away. + +What mean you, Sir, [struggling vehemently to get away,] to detain me +thus against my will? + +You shall not go, Violence; clasping his unbrotherly arms about me. + +Then let not Mr. Solmes stay.--Why hold you me thus? he shall not for +your own sake, if I can help it, see how barbarously a brother can treat +a sister who deserves not evil treatment. + +And I struggled so vehemently to get from him, that he was forced to +quit my hand; which he did with these words--Begone then, Fury!--how +strong is will!--there is no holding her. + +And up I flew to my chamber, and locked myself in, trembling and out of +breath. + +In less than a quarter of an hour, up came Betty. I let her in upon her +tapping, and asking (half out of breath too) for admittance. + +The Lord have mercy upon us! said she.--What a confusion of a house is +this! [hurrying up and down, fanning herself with her handkerchief,] +Such angry masters and mistresses!--such an obstinate young lady!--such +a humble lover!--such enraged uncles!--such--O dear!--dear! what a +topsy-turvy house is this!--And all for what, trow?--only because a +young lady may be happy, and will not?--only because a young lady will +have a husband, and will not have a husband? What hurlyburlies are here, +where all used to be peace and quietness! + +Thus she ran on to herself; while I sat as patiently as I could (being +assured that her errand was not designed to be a welcome one to me) to +observe when her soliloquy would end. + +At last, turning to me--I must do as I am bid. I can't help it--don't +be angry with me, Miss. But I must carry down your pen and ink: and that +this moment. + +By whose order? + +By your papa's and mamma's. + +How shall I know that? + +She offered to go to my closet: I stept in before her: touch it, if you +dare. + +Up came my cousin Dolly--Madam!--Madam! said the poor weeping, +good natured creature, in broken sentences--you must--indeed you +must--deliver to Betty--or to me--your pen and ink. + +Must I, my sweet Cousin? then I will to you; but not to this bold body. +And so I gave my standish to her. + +I am sorry, very sorry, said she, Miss, to be the messenger: but your +papa will not have you in the same house with him: he is resolved you +shall be carried away to-morrow, or Saturday at farthest. And therefore +your pen and ink are taken away, that you may give nobody notice of it. + +And away went the dear girl, very sorrowful, carrying down with her my +standish, and all its furniture, and a little parcel of pens beside, +which having been seen when the great search was made, she was bid to +ask for. + +As it happened, I had not diminished it, having hid half a dozen crow +quills in as many different places. It was lucky; for I doubt not they +had numbered how many were in the parcel. + +Betty ran on, telling me, that my mother was now as much incensed +against me as any body--that my doom was fixed--that my violent +behaviour had not left one to plead for me--that Mr. Solmes bit his lip, +and muttered, and seemed to have more in his head, than could come out +at his mouth; that was her phrase. + +And yet she also hinted to me, that the cruel wretch took pleasure +in seeing me; although so much to my disgust--and so wanted to see me +again.--Must he not be a savage, my dear? + +The wench went on--that my uncle Harlowe said, That now he gave me +up--that he pitied Mr. Solmes--yet hoped he would not think of this +to my detriment hereafter: that my uncle Antony was of opinion, that +I ought to smart for it: and, for her part--and then, as one of the +family, she gave her opinion of the same side. + +As I have no other way of hearing any thing that is said or intended +below, I bear sometimes more patiently than I otherwise should do with +her impertinence. And indeed she seems to be in all my brother's and +sister's counsels. + +Miss Hervey came up again, and demanded an half-pint ink-bottle which +they had seen in my closet. + +I gave it her without hesitation. + +If they have no suspicion of my being able to write, they will perhaps +let me stay longer than otherwise they would. + +This, my dear, is now my situation. + +All my dependence, all my hopes, are in your mother's favour. But for +that, I know not what I might do: For who can tell what will come next? + + + + +LETTER XXXVI + +MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWE WEDNESDAY, FOUR O'CLOCK IN THE +AFTERNOON + + +I am just returned from depositing the letter I so lately finished, and +such of Mr. Lovelace's letters as I had not sent you. My long letter I +found remaining there--so you will have both together. + +I am convinced, methinks, it is not with you.--But your servant cannot +always be at leisure. However, I will deposit as fast as I write. I must +keep nothing by me now; and when I write, lock myself in, that I may not +be surprised now they think I have no pen and ink. + +I found in the usual place another letter from this diligent man: and, +by its contents, a confirmation that nothing passes in this house but +he knows it; and that almost as soon as it passes. For this letter +must have been written before he could have received my billet; and +deposited, I suppose, when that was taken away; yet he compliments me in +it upon asserting myself (as he calls it) on that occasion to my uncle +and to Mr. Solmes. + +'He assures me, however, that they are more and more determined to +subdue me. + +'He sends me the compliments of his family; and acquaints me with their +earnest desire to see me amongst them. Most vehemently does he press for +my quitting this house, while it is in my power to get away: and again +craves leave to order his uncle's chariot-and-six to attend my commands +at the stile leading to the coppice adjoining to the paddock. + +'Settlements to my own will he again offers. Lord M. and Lady Sarah and +Lady Betty to be guarantees of his honour and justice. But, if I choose +not to go to either of those ladies, nor yet to make him the happiest of +men so soon as it is nevertheless his hope that I will, he urges me to +withdraw to my own house, and to accept of Lord M. for my guardian and +protector till my cousin Morden arrives. He can contrive, he says, +to give me easy possession of it, and will fill it with his female +relations on the first invitation from me; and Mrs. Norton, or Miss +Howe, may be undoubtedly prevailed upon to be with me for a time. There +can be no pretence for litigation, he says, when I am once in it. Nor, +if I choose to have it so, will he appear to visit me; nor presume to +mention marriage to me till all is quiet and easy; till every method I +shall prescribe for a reconciliation with my friends is tried; till my +cousin comes; till such settlements are drawn as he shall approve of for +me; and that I have unexceptionable proofs of his own good behaviour.' + +As to the disgrace a person of my character may be apprehensive of upon +quitting my father's house, he observes (too truly I doubt) 'That the +treatment I meet with is in every one's mouth: yet, he says, that the +public voice is in my favour. My friends themselves, he says, expect +that I will do myself what he calls, this justice: why else do they +confine me? He urges, that, thus treated, the independence I have a +right to will be my sufficient excuse, going but from their house to my +own, if I choose that measure; or in order to take possession of my +own, if I do not: that all the disgrace I can receive, they have already +given me: that his concern and his family's concern in my honour, will +be equal to my own, if he may be so happy ever to call me his: and he +presumes, he says, to aver, that no family can better supply the loss +of my own friends to me than his, in whatever way I shall do them the +honour to accept of his and their protection. + +'But he repeats, that, in all events, he will oppose my being carried to +my uncle's; being well assured, that I shall be lost to him for ever, if +once I enter into that house.' He tells me, 'That my brother and sister, +and Mr. Solmes, design to be there to receive me: that my father and +mother will not come near me till the ceremony is actually over: and +that then they will appear, in order to try to reconcile me to my odious +husband, by urging upon me the obligations I shall be supposed to be +under from a double duty.' + +How, my dear, am I driven on one side, and invited on the other!--This +last intimation is but a too probable one. All the steps they take seem +to tend to this! And, indeed, they have declared almost as much. + +He owns, 'That he has already taken his measures upon this +intelligence:--but that he is so desirous for my sake (I must suppose, +he says, that he owes them no forbearance for their own) to avoid coming +to extremities, that he has suffered a person, whom they do not suspect, +to acquaint them with his resolutions, as if come at by accident, if +they persist in their design to carry me by violence to my uncle's; +in hopes, that they may be induced from the fear of mischief which +may ensue, to change their measures: and yet he is aware, that he has +exposed himself to the greatest risques by having caused this intimation +to be given them; since, if he cannot benefit himself by their fears, +there is no doubt but they will doubly guard themselves against him upon +it.' + +What a dangerous enterpriser, however, is this man! + +'He begs a few lines from me by way of answer to this letter, either +this evening, or to-morrow morning. If he be not so favoured, he shall +conclude, from what he knows of the fixed determination of my relations, +that I shall be under a closer restraint than before: and he shall be +obliged to take his measures according to that presumption.' + +You will see by this abstract, as well by his letter preceding this, +(for both run in the same strain,) how strangely forward the difficulty +of my situation has brought him in his declarations and proposals; and +in his threatenings too: which, but for that, I would not take from him. + +Something, however, I must speedily resolve upon, or it will be out of +my power to help myself. + +Now I think of it, I will enclose his letter, (so might have spared the +abstract of it,) that you may the better judge of all his proposals, and +intelligence; and les it should fall into other hands. I cannot forgive +the contents, although I am at a loss what answer to return.* + + + * She accordingly encloses Mr. Lovelace's letter. But as the + most material contents of it are given in her abstract, it + is omitted. + + +I cannot bear the thoughts of throwing myself upon the protection of his +friends:--but I will not examine his proposals closely till I hear from +you. Indeed, I have no eligible hope, but in your mother's goodness Hers +is a protection I could more reputably fly to, than to that of any other +person: and from hers should be ready to return to my father's (for the +breach then would not be irreparable, as it would be, if I fled to +his family): to return, I repeat, on such terms as shall secure but my +negative; not my independence: I do not aim at that (so shall lay your +mother under the less difficulty); though I have a right to be put +into possession of my grandfather's estate, if I were to insist upon +it:--such a right, I mean, as my brother exerts in the bid, that I +should ever think myself freed from my father's reasonable controul, +whatever right my grandfather's will has given me! He, good gentleman, +left me that estate, as a reward of my duty, and not to set me above +it, as has been justly hinted to me: and this reflection makes me more +fearful of not answering the intention of so valuable a bequest.--Oh! +that my friends knew but my heart!--Would but think of it as they used +to do!--For once more, I say, If it deceive me not, it is not altered, +although theirs are! + +Would but your mother permit you to send her chariot, or chaise, to the +bye-place where Mr. Lovelace proposes Lord M.'s shall come, (provoked, +intimidated, and apprehensive, as I am,) I would not hesitate a moment +what to do. Place me any where, as I have said before--in a cot, in a +garret; any where--disguised as a servant--or let me pass as a servant's +sister--so that I may but escape Mr. Solmes on one hand, and the +disgrace of refuging with the family of a man at enmity with my own, +on the other; and I shall be in some measure happy!--Should your +good mother refuse me, what refuge, or whose, can I fly to?--Dearest +creature, advise your distressed friend. + + +***** + + +I broke off here--I was so excessively uneasy, that I durst not trust +myself with my own reflections. I therefore went down to the garden, to +try to calm my mind, by shifting the scene. I took but one turn upon the +filbert-walk, when Betty came to me. Here, Miss, is your papa--here +is your uncle Antony--here is my young master--and my young mistress, +coming to take a walk in the garden; and your papa sends me to see where +you are, for fear he should meet you. + +I struck into an oblique path, and got behind the yew-hedge, seeing my +sister appear; and there concealed myself till they were gone past me. + +My mother, it seems is not well. My poor mother keeps her +chamber--should she be worse, I should have an additional unhappiness, +in apprehension that my reputed undutifulness had touched her heart. + +You cannot imagine what my emotions were behind the yew-hedge, on seeing +my father so near me. I was glad to look at him through the hedge as he +passed by: but I trembled in every joint, when I heard him utter these +words: Son James, to you, and to you Bella, and to you, Brother, do I +wholly commit this matter. That I was meant, I cannot doubt. And yet, +why was I so affected; since I may be said to have been given up to the +cruelty of my brother and sister for many days past? + + +***** + + +While my father remained in the garden, I sent my dutiful compliments +to my mother, with inquiry after her health, by Shorey, whom I met +accidentally upon the stairs; for none of the servants, except my +gaoleress, dare to throw themselves in my way. I had the mortification +of such a return, as made me repent my message, though not my concern +for her health. 'Let her not inquire after the disorders she occasions,' +was her harsh answer. 'I will not receive any compliments from her.' + +Very, very hard, my dear! Indeed it is very hard. + + +***** + + + +I have the pleasure to hear that my mother is already better. A colicky +disorder, to which she is too subject. It is hoped it is gone off--God +send it may!--Every evil that happens in this house is owing to me! + +This good news was told me, with a circumstance very unacceptable; for +Betty said, she had orders to let me know, that my garden-walks and +poultry-visits were suspected; and that both will be prohibited, if I +stay here till Saturday or Monday. + +Possibly this is said by order, to make me go with less reluctance to my +uncle's. + +My mother bid her say, if I expostulated about these orders, and about +my pen and ink, 'that reading was more to the purpose, at present, than +writing: that by the one, I might be taught my duty; that the other, +considering whom I was believed to write to, only stiffened my will: +that my needle-works had better be pursued than my airings; which were +observed to be taken in all weathers.' + +So, my dear, if I do not resolve upon something soon, I shall neither be +able to avoid the intended evil, nor have it in my power to correspond +with you. + + +***** + +WEDNESDAY NIGHT. + +All is in a hurry below-stairs. Betty is in and out like a spy. +Something is working, I know not what. I am really a good deal +disordered in body as well as in mind. Indeed I am quite heart-sick. + +I will go down, though 'tis almost dark, on pretence of getting a little +air and composure. Robert has my two former, I hope, before now: and +I will deposit this, with Lovelace's enclosed, if I can, for fear of +another search. + +I know not what I shall do!--All is so strangely busy!--Doors clapt +to--going out of one apartment, hurryingly, as I may say, into another. +Betty in her alarming way, staring, as if of frighted importance; twice +with me in half an hour; called down in haste by Shorey the last time; +leaving me with still more meaning in her looks and gestures--yet +possibly nothing in all this worthy of my apprehensions-- + +Here again comes the creature, with her deep-drawn affected sighs, and +her O dear's! O dear's! + + +***** + + +More dark hints thrown out by the saucy creature. But she will not +explain herself. 'Suppose this pretty business ends in murder! she says. +I may rue my opposition as long as I live, for aught she knows. Parents +will not be baffled out of their children by imprudent gentlemen; nor is +it fit they should. It may come home to me when I least expect it.' + +These are the gloomy and perplexing hints this impertinent throws +out. Probably they arose from the information Mr. Lovelace says he has +secretly permitted them to have (from this vile double-faced agent, I +suppose!) of his resolution to prevent my being carried to my uncle's. + +How justly, if so, may this exasperate them!--How am I driven to and +fro, like a feather in the wind, at the pleasure of the rash, the +selfish, the headstrong! and when I am as averse to the proceedings of +the one, as I am to those of the other! For although I was induced to +carry on this unhappy correspondence, as I think I ought to call it, in +hopes to prevent mischief; yet indiscreet measures are fallen upon by +the rash man, before I, who am so much concerned in the event of the +present contentions, can be consulted: and between his violence on one +hand, and that of my relations on the other, I find myself in danger +from both. + +O my dear! what is worldly wisdom but the height of folly!--I, the +meanest, at least youngest, of my father's family, to thrust myself +in the gap between such uncontroulable spirits!--To the intercepting +perhaps of the designs of Providence, which may intend to make those +hostile spirits their own punishers.--If so, what presumption!--Indeed, +my dear friend, I am afraid I have thought myself of too much +consequence. But, however this be, it is good, when calamities befal us, +that we should look into ourselves, and fear. + +If I am prevented depositing this and the enclosed, (as I intend to try +to do, late as it is,) I will add to it as occasion shall offer. Mean +time, believe me to be + +Your ever-affectionate and grateful CL. HARLOWE. + +Under the superscription, written with a pencil, after she went down. + +'My two former are not yet taken away--I am surprised--I hope you are +well--I hope all is right betwixt your mother and you.' + + + + +LETTER XXXVII + +MISS HOWE, TO MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE THURSDAY MORNING, APRIL 9. + +I have your three letters. Never was there a creature more impatient on +the most interesting uncertainty than I was, to know the event of the +interview between you and Solmes. + +It behoves me to account to my dear friend, in her present unhappy +situation, for every thing that may have the least appearance of +negligence or remissness on my part. I sent Robin in the morning early, +in hopes of a deposit. He loitered about the place till near ten to +no purpose; and then came away; my mother having given him a letter to +carry to Mr. Hunt's, which he was to deliver before three, when only, in +the day-time, that gentleman is at home; and to bring back an answer to +it. Mr. Hunt's house, you know, lies wide from Harlowe-place. Robin but +just saved his time; and returned not till it was too late to send him +again. I only could direct him to set out before day this morning; and +if he got any letter, to ride as for his life to bring it to me. + +I lay by myself: a most uneasy night I had through impatience; and being +discomposed with it, lay longer than usual. Just as I was risen, in came +Kitty, from Robin, with your three letters. I was not a quarter dressed; +and only slipt on my morning sack; proceeding no further till I had +read them all through, long as they are: and yet I often stopped to rave +aloud (though by myself) at the devilish people you have to deal with. + +How my heart rises at them all! How poorly did they design to trick +you into an encouragement of Solmes, from the extorted interview!--I +am very, very angry at your aunt Hervey--to give up her own judgment so +tamely!--and, not content to do so, to become such an active instrument +in their hands!--But it is so like the world!--so like my mother +too!--Next to her own child, there is not any body living she values so +much as you:--Yet it is--Why should we embroil ourselves, Nancy, with +the affairs of other people? + +Other people!--How I hate the poor words, where friendship is concerned, +and where the protection to be given may be of so much consequence to a +friend, and of so little detriment to one's self? + +I am delighted with your spirit, however. I expected it not from you +Nor did they, I am sure. Nor would you, perhaps, have exerted it, if +Lovelace's intelligence of Solmes's nursery-offices had not set you up. +I wonder not that the wretch is said to love you the better for it. What +an honour would it be to him to have such a wife? And he can be even +with you when you are so. He must indeed be a savage, as you say.--Yet +he is less to blame for his perseverance, than those of your own family, +whom most you reverence for theirs. + +It is well, as I have often said, that I have not such provocations +and trials; I should perhaps long ago have taken your cousin Dolly's +advice--yet dare I not to touch that key.--I shall always love the good +girl for her tenderness to you. + +I know not what to say of Lovelace; nor what to think of his promises, +nor of his proposals to you. 'Tis certain that you are highly esteemed +by all his family. The ladies are persons of unblemished honour. My Lord +M. is also (as men and peers go) a man of honour. I could tell what to +advise any other person in the world to do but you. So much expected +from you!--Such a shining light!--Your quitting your father's house, and +throwing yourself into the protection of a family, however honourable, +that has a man in it, whose person, parts, declarations, and +pretensions, will be thought to have engaged your warmest +esteem;--methinks I am rather for advising that you should get privately +to London; and not to let either him, or any body else but me, know +where you are, till your cousin Morden comes. + +As to going to your uncle's, that you must not do, if you can help +it. Nor must you have Solmes, that's certain: Not only because of his +unworthiness in every respect, but because of the aversion you have so +openly avowed to him; which every body knows and talks of; as they do +of your approbation of the other. For your reputation sake therefore, +as well as to prevent mischief, you must either live single, or have +Lovelace. + +If you think of going to London, let me know; and I hope you will have +time to allow me a further concert as to the manner of your getting +away, and thither, and how to procure proper lodgings for you. + +To obtain this time, you must palliate a little, and come into some +seeming compromise, if you cannot do otherwise. Driven as you are +driven, it will be strange if you are not obliged to part with a few of +your admirable punctilio's. + +You will observe from what I have written, that I have not succeeded +with my mother. + +I am extremely mortified and disappointed. We have had very strong +debates upon it. But, besides the narrow argument of embroiling +ourselves with other people's affairs, as above-mentioned, she will have +it, that it is your duty to comply. She says, she was always of opinion +that daughters should implicitly submit to the will of their parents in +the great article of marriage; and that she governed herself accordingly +in marrying my father; who at first was more the choice of her parents +than her own. + +This is what she argues in behalf of her favourite Hickman, as well as +for Solmes in your case. + +I must not doubt, but my mother always governed herself by this +principle--because she says she did. I have likewise another reason to +believe it; which you shall have, though it may not become me to give +it--that they did not live so happily together, as one would hope people +might do who married preferring each other at the time to the rest of +the world. + +Somebody shall fare never the better for this double-meant policy of my +mother, I do assure you. Such a retrospection in her arguments to +him, and to his address, it is but fit that he should suffer for my +mortification in failing to carry a point upon which I had set my whole +heart. + +Think, my dear, if in any way I can serve you. If you allow of it, +I protest I will go off privately with you, and we will live and die +together. Think of it. Improve upon my hint, and command me. + +A little interruption.--What is breakfast to the subject I am upon? + + +***** + + +London, I am told, is the best hiding-place in the world. I have written +nothing but what I will stand in to at the word of command. Women love +to engage in knight-errantry, now-and-then, as well as to encourage +it in the men. But in your case, what I propose will not seem to have +anything of that nature in it. It will enable me to perform what is no +more than a duty in serving and comforting a dear and worthy friend, who +labours under undeserved oppression: and you will ennoble, as I may say, +your Anna Howe, if you allow her to be your companion in affliction. + +I will engage, my dear, we shall not be in town together one month, +before we surmount all difficulties; and this without being beholden to +any men-fellows for their protection. + +I must repeat what I have often said, that the authors of your +persecutions would not have presumed to set on foot their selfish +schemes against you, had they not depended upon the gentleness of your +spirit; though now, having gone so far, and having engaged Old AUTHORITY +in it, [chide me if you will!] neither he nor they know how to recede. + +When they find you out of their reach, and know that I am with you, +you'll see how they'll pull in their odious horns. + +I think, however, that you should have written to your cousin Morden, +the moment they had begun to treat you disgracefully. + +I shall be impatient to hear whether they will attempt to carry you to +your uncle's. I remember, that Lord M.'s dismissed bailiff reported of +Lovelace, that he had six or seven companions as bad as himself; and +that the country was always glad when they left it.* He actually has, as +I hear, such a knot of them about him now. And, depend upon it, he will +not suffer them quietly to carry you to your uncle's: And whose must you +be, if he succeeds in taking you from them? + + + * See Vol.I. Letter IV. + + +I tremble for you but upon supposing what may be the consequence of a +conflict upon this occasion. Lovelace owes some of them vengeance. This +gives me a double concern, that my mother should refuse her consent to +the protection I had set my heart upon procuring for you. + +My mother will not breakfast without me. A quarrel has its conveniencies +sometimes. Yet too much love, I think, is as bad as too little. + + +***** + + +We have just now had another pull. Upon my word, she is +excessively--what shall I say?--unpersuadable--I must let her off with +that soft word. + +Who was the old Greek, that said, he governed Athens; his wife, him; and +his son, her? + +It was not my mother's fault [I am writing to you, you know] that she +did not govern my father. But I am but a daughter!--Yet I thought I was +not quite so powerless when I was set upon carrying a point, as I find +myself to be. + +Adieu, my dear!--Happier times must come--and that quickly too.--The +strings cannot long continue to be thus overstrained. They must break +or be relaxed. In either way, the certainty must be preferable to the +suspense. + +One word more: + +I think in my conscience you must take one of these two alternatives; +either to consent to let us go to London together privately; [in which +case, I will procure a vehicle, and meet you at your appointment at the +stile to which Lovelace proposes to bring his uncle's chariot;] or, +to put yourself into the protection of Lord M. and the ladies of his +family. + +You have another, indeed; and that is, if you are absolutely resolved +against Solmes, to meet and marry Lovelace directly. + +Whichsoever of these you make choice of, you will have this plea, +both to yourself, and to the world, that you are concluded by the same +uniform principle that has governed your whole conduct, ever since the +contention between Lovelace and your brother has been on foot: that +is to say, that you have chosen a lesser evil, in hopes to prevent a +greater. + +Adieu! and Heaven direct for the best my beloved creature, prays + +Her ANNA HOWE. + + + + +LETTER XXXVIII + +MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWE THURSDAY, APRIL 6. + + +I thank you, my dearest friend, for the pains you have taken in +accounting so affectionately for my papers not being taken away +yesterday; and for the kind protection you would have procured for me, +if you could. + +This kind protection was what I wished for: but my wishes, raised at +first by your love, were rather governed by my despair of other refuge +[having before cast about, and not being able to determine, what I +ought to do, and what I could do, in a situation so unhappy] than by a +reasonable hope: For why indeed should any body embroil themselves for +others, when they can avoid it? + +All my consolation is, as I have frequently said, that I have not, by my +own inadvertence or folly, brought myself into this sad situation. If I +had, I should not have dared to look up to any body with the expectation +of protection or assistance, nor to you for excuse of the trouble I give +you. But nevertheless we should not be angry at a person's not doing +that for ourselves, or for our friend, which she thinks she ought not to +do; and which she has it in her option either to do, or to let it alone. +Much less have you a right to be displeased with so prudent a mother, +for not engaging herself so warmly in my favour, as you wished she +would. If my own aunt can give me up, and that against her judgment, as +I may presume to say; and if my father and mother, and uncles, who once +loved me so well, can join so strenuously against me; can I expect, or +ought you, the protection of your mother, in opposition to them? + +Indeed, my dear love, [permit me to be very serious,] I am afraid I am +singled out (either for my own faults, or for the faults of my +family, or perhaps for the faults of both) to be a very unhappy +creature!--signally unhappy! For see you not how irresistible the waves +of affliction come tumbling down upon me? + +We have been till within these few weeks, every one of us, too happy. No +crosses, no vexations, but what we gave ourselves from the pamperedness, +as I may call it, of our own wills. Surrounded by our heaps and stores, +hoarded up as fast as acquired, we have seemed to think ourselves out +of the reach of the bolts of adverse fate. I was the pride of all my +friends, proud myself of their pride, and glorying in my standing. Who +knows what the justice of Heaven may inflict, in order to convince us, +that we are not out of the reach of misfortune; and to reduce us to a +better reliance, than what we have hitherto presumptuously made? + +I should have been very little the better for the conversation-visits +with the good Dr. Lewen used to honour me with, and for the principles +wrought (as I may say) into my earliest mind by my pious Mrs. Norton, +founded on her reverend father's experience, as well as on her own, if +I could not thus retrospect and argue, in such a strange situation as we +are in. Strange, I may well call it; for don't you see, my dear, that we +seem all to be impelled, as it were, by a perverse fate, which none of +us are able to resist?--and yet all arising (with a strong appearance +of self-punishment) from ourselves? Do not my parents see the hopeful +children, from whom they expected a perpetuity of worldly happiness +to their branching family, now grown up to answer the till now distant +hope, setting their angry faces against each other, pulling up by the +roots, as I may say, that hope which was ready to be carried into a +probable certainty? + +Your partial love will be ready to acquit me of capital and intentional +faults:--but oh, my dear! my calamities have humbled me enough to make +me turn my gaudy eye inward; to make me look into myself.--And what have +I discovered there?--Why, my dear friend, more secret pride and vanity +than I could have thought had lain in my unexamined heart. + +If I am to be singled out to be the punisher of myself and family, who +so lately was the pride of it, pray for me, my dear, that I may not +be left wholly to myself; and that I may be enabled to support my +character, so as to be justly acquitted of wilful and premeditated +faults. The will of Providence be resigned to in the rest: as that +leads, let me patiently and unrepiningly follow!--I shall not live +always!--May but my closing scene be happy! + +But I will not oppress you, my dearest friend, with further reflections +of this sort. I will take them all into myself. Surely I have a mind +that has room for them. My afflictions are too sharp to last long. The +crisis is at hand. Happier times you bid me hope for. I will hope. + + +***** + + +But yet, I cannot be but impatient at times, to find myself thus driven, +and my character so depreciated and sunk, that were all the future to be +happy, I should be ashamed to shew my face in public, or to look up. And +all by the instigation of a selfish brother, and envious sister-- + +But let me stop: let me reflect!--Are not these suggestions the +suggestions of the secret pride I have been censuring? Then, already +so impatient! but this moment so resigned, so much better disposed +for reflection! yet 'tis hard, 'tis very hard, to subdue an embittered +spirit!--in the instant of its trial too!--O my cruel brother!--but +now it rises again.--I will lay down a pen I am so little able +to govern.--And I will try to subdue an impatience, which (if my +afflictions are sent me for corrective ends) may otherwise lead me into +still more punishable errors.-- + + +***** + + +I will return to a subject, which I cannot fly from for ten minutes +together--called upon especially, as I am, by your three alternatives +stated in the conclusion of your last. + +As to the first; to wit, your advice for me to escape to London--let me +tell you, that the other hint or proposal which accompanies it perfectly +frightens me--surely, my dear, (happy as you are, and indulgently +treated as your mother treats you,) you cannot mean what you propose! +What a wretch must I be, if, for one moment only, I could lend an ear +to such a proposal as this!--I, to be the occasion of making such +a mother's (perhaps shortened) life unhappy to the last hour of +it!--Ennoble you, my dear creature! How must such an enterprise (the +rashness public, the motives, were they excusable, private) debase +you!--but I will not dwell upon the subject--for your own sake I will +not. + +As to your second alternative, to put myself into the protection of Lord +M. and of the ladies of that family, I own to you, (as I believe I have +owned before,) that although to do this would be the same thing in the +eye of the world as putting myself into Mr. Lovelace's protection, yet +I think I would do it rather than be Mr. Solmes's wife, if there were +evidently no other way to avoid being so. + +Mr. Lovelace, you have seen, proposes to contrive a way to put me into +possession of my own house; and he tells me, that he will soon fill +it with the ladies of his family, as my visiters;--upon my invitation, +however, to them. A very inconsiderate proposal I think it to be, +and upon which I cannot explain myself to him. What an exertion of +independency does it chalk out for me! How, were I to attend to him, +(and not to the natural consequences to which the following of his +advice would lead me,) might I be drawn by gentle words into the +penetration of the most violent acts!--For how could I gain possession, +but either by legal litigation, which, were I inclined to have recourse +to it, (as I never can be,) must take up time; or by forcibly turning +out the persons whom my father has placed there, to look after the +gardens, the house, and the furniture--persons entirely attached to +himself, and who, as I know, have been lately instructed by my brother? + +Your third alternative, to meet and marry Mr. Lovelace directly; a man +with whose morals I am far from being satisfied--a step, that could +not be taken with the least hope of ever obtaining pardon from or +reconciliation with any of my friends; and against which a thousand +objections rise in my mind--that is not to be thought of. + +What appears to me, upon the fullest deliberation, the most eligible, +if I must be thus driven, is the escaping to London. But I would forfeit +all my hopes of happiness in this life, rather than you should go away +with me, as you rashly, though with the kindest intentions, propose. +If I could get safely thither, and be private, methinks I might remain +absolutely independent of Mr. Lovelace, and at liberty either to make +proposals to my friends, or, should they renounce me, (and I had no +other or better way,) to make terms with him; supposing my cousin +Morden, on his arrival, were to join with my other relations. But they +would then perhaps indulge me in my choice of a single life, on giving +him up: the renewing to them this offer, when at my own liberty, will +at least convince them, that I was in earnest when I made it first: and, +upon my word, I would stand to it, dear as you seem to think, when you +are disposed to rally me, it would cost me, to stand to it. + +If, my dear, you can procure a vehicle for us both, you can perhaps +procure one for me singly: but can it be done without embroiling +yourself with your mother, or her with our family?--Be it coach, +chariot, chaise, wagon, or horse, I matter not, provided you appear not +to have a hand in my withdrawing. Only, in case it be one of the two +latter, I believe I must desire you to get me an ordinary gown and coat, +or habit, of some servant; having no concert with any of our own: the +more ordinary the better. They must be thrust on in the wood-house; +where I can put them on; and then slide down from the bank, that +separates the wood-yard from the green lane. + +But, alas! my dear, this, even this alternative, is not without +difficulties, which, to a spirit so little enterprising as mine, seem in +a manner insuperable. These are my reflections upon it. + +I am afraid, in the first place, that I shall not have time for the +requisite preparations for an escape. + +Should I be either detected in those preparations, or pursued and +overtaken in my flight, and so brought back, then would they think +themselves doubly warranted to compel me to have their Solmes: and, +conscious of an intended fault, perhaps, I should be the less able to +contend with them. + +But were I even to get safely to London, I know nobody there but by +name; and those the tradesmen to our family; who, no doubt, would be +the first written to and engaged to find me out. And should Mr. Lovelace +discover where I was, and he and my brother meet, what mischiefs +might ensue between them, whether I were willing or not to return to +Harlowe-place! + +But supposing I could remain there concealed, to what might my youth, my +sex, and unacquaintedness of the ways of that great, wicked town, expose +me!--I should hardly dare to go to church for fear of being discovered. +People would wonder how I lived. Who knows but I might pass for a kept +mistress; and that, although nobody came to me, yet, that every time I +went out, it might be imagined to be in pursuance of some assignation? + +You, my dear, who alone would know where to direct to me, would be +watched in all your steps, and in all your messages; and your mother, +at present not highly pleased with our correspondence, would then have +reason to be more displeased: And might not differences follow between +her and you, that would make me very unhappy, were I to know them? And +this the more likely, as you take it so unaccountably (and, give me +leave to say, so ungenerously) into your head, to revenge yourself upon +the innocent Mr. Hickman, for all the displeasure your mother gives you. + +Were Lovelace to find out my place of abode, that would be the same +thing in the eye of the world as if I had actually gone off with him: +For would he, do you think, be prevailed upon to forbear visiting me? +And then his unhappy character (a foolish man!) would be no credit to +any young creature desirous of concealment. Indeed the world, let me +escape whither, and to whomsoever I could, would conclude him to be the +contriver of it. + +These are the difficulties which arise to me on revolving this scheme; +which, nevertheless, might appear surmountable to a more enterprising +spirit in my circumstances. If you, my dear, think them surmountable in +any one of the cases put, [and to be sure I can take no course, but what +must have some difficulty in it,] be pleased to let me know your free +and full thoughts upon it. + +Had you, my dear friend, been married, then should I have had no doubt +but that you and Mr. Hickman would have afforded an asylum to a poor +creature more than half lost in her own apprehension for want of one +kind protecting friend! + +You say I should have written to my cousin Morden the moment I was +treated disgracefully: But could I have believed that my friends would +not have softened by degrees when they saw my antipathy to their Solmes? + +I had thoughts indeed several times of writing to my cousin: but by the +time an answer could have come, I imagined all would have been over, as +if it had never been: so from day to day, from week to week, I hoped on: +and, after all, I might as reasonably fear (as I have heretofore said) +that my cousin would be brought to side against me, as that some of +those I have named would. + +And then to appeal a cousin [I must have written with warmth to engage +him] against a father; this was not a desirable thing to set about. Then +I had not, you know, one soul on my side; my mother herself against me. +To be sure my cousin would have suspended his judgment till he could +have arrived. He might not have been in haste to come, hoping the malady +would cure itself: but had he written, his letters probably would have +run in the qualifying style; to persuade me to submit, or them only to +relax. Had his letters been more on my side than on theirs, they would +not have regarded them: nor perhaps himself, had he come and been an +advocate for me: for you see how strangely determined they are; how they +have over-awed or got in every body; so that no one dare open their lips +in my behalf. And you have heard that my brother pushes his measures +with the more violence, that all may be over with me before my cousin's +expected arrival. + +But you tell me, that, in order to gain time, I must palliate; that I +must seem to compromise with my friends: But how palliate? How seem to +compromise? You would not have me endeavour to make them believe, that I +will consent to what I never intended to consent to! You would not have +me to gain time, with a view to deceive! + +To do evil, that good may come of it, is forbidden: And shall I do evil, +yet know not whether good may come of it or not? + +Forbid it, heaven! that Clarissa Harlowe should have it in her thought +to serve, or even to save herself at the expense of her sincerity, and +by a studied deceit! + +And is there, after all, no way to escape one great evil, but by +plunging myself into another?--What an ill-fated creature am I!--Pray +for me, my dearest Nancy!--my mind is at present so much disturbed, that +I can hardly pray for myself. + + + + +LETTER XXXIX + +MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWE THURSDAY NIGHT. + + +This alarming hurry I mentioned under my date of last night, and Betty's +saucy dark hints, come out to be owing to what I guessed they were; that +is to say, to the private intimation Mr. Lovelace contrived our family +should have of his insolent resolution [insolent I must call it] to +prevent my being carried to my uncle's. + +I saw at the time that it was as wrong with respect to answering his own +view, as it was insolent: For, could he think, as Betty (I suppose from +her betters) justly observed, that parents would be insulted out of +their right to dispose of their own child, by a violent man, whom they +hate; and who could have no pretension to dispute that right with them, +unless what he had from her who had none over herself? And how must +this insolence of his, aggravated as my brother is able to aggravate it, +exasperate them against me? + +The rash man has indeed so far gained his point, as to intimidate them +from attempting to carry me away: but he has put them upon a surer and +a more desperate measure: and this has driven me also into one as +desperate; the consequence of which, although he could not foresee it,* +may perhaps too well answer his great end, little as he deserves to have +it answered. + + + * She was mistaken in this. Mr. Lovelace did foresee this + consequence. All his contrivances led to it, and the whole + family, as he boasts, unknown to themselves, were but so + many puppets danced by his wires. See Vol.I. Letter XXXI. + + +In short, I have done, as far as I know, the most rash thing that ever I +did in my life. + +But let me give you the motive, and then the action will follow of +course. + +About six o'clock this evening, my aunt (who stays here all night, on my +account, no doubt) came up and tapped at my door; for I was writing; +and had locked myself in. I opened it; and she entering, thus delivered +herself: + +I come once more to visit you, my dear; but sorely against my will; +because it is to impart to you matters of the utmost concern to you, and +to the whole family. + +What, Madam, is now to be done with me? said I, wholly attentive. + +You will not be hurried away to your uncle's, child; let that comfort +you.--They see your aversion to go.--You will not be obliged to go to +your uncle Antony's. + +How you revive me, Madam! this is a cordial to my heart! + +I little thought, my dear, what was to follow this supposed +condescension. + +And then I ran over with blessings for this good news, (and she +permitted me so to do, by her silence); congratulating myself, that +I thought my father could not resolve to carry things to the last +extremity.-- + +Hold, Niece, said she, at last--you must not give yourself too much joy +upon the occasion neither.--Don't be surprised, my dear.--Why look you +upon me, child, with so affecting an earnestness?--but you must be Mrs. +Solmes, for all that. + +I was dumb. + +She then told me, that they had undoubted information, that a certain +desperate ruffian (I must excuse her that word, she said) had prepared +armed men to way-lay my brother and uncles, and seize me, and carry me +off.--Surely, she said, I was not consenting to a violence that might be +followed by murder on one side or the other; perhaps on both. + +I was still silent. + +That therefore my father (still more exasperated than before) had +changed his resolution as to my going to my uncle's; and was determined +next Tuesday to set out thither himself with my mother; and that (for +it was to no purpose to conceal a resolution so soon to be put into +execution)--I must not dispute it any longer--on Wednesday I must give +my hand--as they would have me. + +She proceeded, that orders were already given for a license: that the +ceremony was to be performed in my own chamber, in presence of all my +friends, except of my father and mother; who would not return, nor see +me, till all was over, and till they had a good account of my behaviour. + +The very intelligence, my dear!--the very intelligence this, which +Lovelace gave me! + +I was still dumb--only sighing, as if my heart would break. + +She went on, comforting me, as she thought. 'She laid before me the +merit of obedience; and told me, that if it were my desire that my +Norton should be present at the ceremony, it would be complied with: +that the pleasure I should receive from reconciling al my friends to me, +and in their congratulations upon it, must needs overbalance, with such +a one as me, the difference of persons, however preferable I might think +the one man to the other: that love was a fleeting thing, little better +than a name, where mortality and virtue did not distinguish the object +of it: that a choice made by its dictates was seldom happy; at least not +durably so: nor was it to be wondered at, when it naturally exalted the +object above its merits, and made the lover blind to faults, that were +visible to every body else: so that when a nearer intimacy stript it of +its imaginary perfections, it left frequently both parties surprised, +that they could be so grossly cheated; and that then the indifference +became stronger than the love ever was. That a woman gave a man great +advantages, and inspired him with great vanity, when she avowed her +love for him, and preference of him; and was generally requited with +insolence and contempt: whereas the confessedly-obliged man, it was +probable, would be all reverence and gratitude'--and I cannot tell what. + +'You, my dear, said she, believe you shall be unhappy, if you have +Mr. Solmes: your parents think the contrary; and that you will be +undoubtedly so, were you to have Mr. Lovelace, whose morals are +unquestionably bad: suppose it were your sad lot to consider, what +great consolation you will have on one hand, if you pursue your parents' +advice, that you did so; what mortification on the other, that by +following your own, you have nobody to blame but yourself.' + +This, you remember, my dear, was an argument enforced upon me by Mrs. +Norton. + +These and other observations which she made were worthy of my aunt +Hervey's good sense and experience, and applied to almost any young +creature who stood in opposition to her parents' will, but one who had +offered to make the sacrifices I have offered to make, ought to have had +their due weight. But although it was easy to answer some of them in my +own particular case; yet having over and over, to my mother, before my +confinement, and to my brother and sister, and even to my aunt Hervey, +since, said what I must now have repeated, I was so much mortified and +afflicted at the cruel tidings she brought me, that however attentive I +was to what she said, I had neither power nor will to answer one word; +and, had she not stopped of herself, she might have gone on an hour +longer, without interruption from me. + +Observing this, and that I only sat weeping, my handkerchief covering +my face, and my bosom heaving ready to burst; What! no answer, my +dear?--Why so much silent grief? You know I have always loved you. You +know, that I have no interest in the affair. You would not permit Mr. +Solmes to acquaint you with some things which would have set your heart +against Mr. Lovelace. Shall I tell you some of the matters charged +against him?--shall I, my dear? + +Still I answered only by my tears and sighs. + +Well, child, you shall be told these things afterwards, when you will be +in a better state of mind to hear them; and then you will rejoice in the +escape you will have had. It will be some excuse, then, for you to plead +for your behaviour to Mr. Solmes, that you could not have believed Mr. +Lovelace had been so very vile a man. + +My heart fluttered with impatience and anger at being so plainly talked +to as the wife of this man; but yet I then chose to be silent. If I had +spoken, it would have been with vehemence. + +Strange, my dear, such silence!--Your concern is infinitely more on this +side the day, than it will be on the other.--But let me ask you, and do +not be displeased, Will you choose to see what generous stipulations +for you there are in the settlements?--You have knowledge beyond your +years--give the writings a perusal: do, my dear: they are engrossed, and +ready for signing, and have been for some time. Excuse me, my love--I +mean not to disorder you:--your father would oblige me to bring them up, +and to leave them with you. He commands you to read them. But to read +them, Niece--since they are engrossed, and were before you made them +absolutely hopeless. + +And then, to my great terror, she drew some parchments form her +handkerchief, which she had kept, (unobserved by me,) under her apron; +and rising, put them in the opposite window. Had she produced a serpent, +I could not have been more frightened. + +Oh! my dearest Aunt, turning away my face, and holding out my hands, +hide from my eyes those horrid parchments!--Let me conjure you to tell +me--by all the tenderness of near relationship, and upon your honour, +and by your love for me, say, Are they absolutely resolved, that, come +what will, I must be that man's? + +My dear, you must have Mr. Solmes: indeed you must. + +Indeed I never will!--This, as I have said over and over, is not +originally my father's will.--Indeed I never will--and that is all I +will say! + +It is your father's will now, replied my aunt: and, considering how +all the family is threatened by Mr. Lovelace, and the resolution he has +certainly taken to force you out of their hands, I cannot but say they +are in the right, not to be bullied out of their child. + +Well, Madam, then nothing remains for me to say. I am made desperate. I +care not what becomes of me. + +Your piety, and your prudence, my dear, and Mr. Lovelace's immoral +character, together with his daring insults, and threatenings, which +ought to incense you, as much as any body, are every one's dependence. +We are sure the time will come, when you'll think very differently of +the steps your friends take to disappoint a man who has made himself so +justly obnoxious to them all. + +She withdrew; leaving me full of grief and indignation:--and as much +out of humour with Mr. Lovelace as with any body; who, by his conceited +contrivances, has made things worse for me than before; depriving me +of the hopes I had of gaining time to receive your advice, and private +assistance to get to town; and leaving me not other advice, in all +appearance, than either to throw myself upon his family, or to be made +miserable for ever with Mr. Solmes. But I was still resolved to avoid +both these evils, if possible. + +I sounded Betty, in the first place, (whom my aunt sent up, not thinking +it proper, as Betty told me, that I should be left by myself, and who, I +found, knew their designs,) whether it were not probable that they +would forbear, at my earnest entreaty, to push matters to the threatened +extremity. + +But she confirmed all my aunt said; rejoicing (as she said they all did) +that Mr. Lovelace had given them so good a pretence to save me from him +now, and for ever. + +She ran on about equipages bespoken; talked of my brother's and sister's +exultations that now the whole family would soon be reconciled to each +other: of the servants' joy upon it: of the expected license: of a visit +to be paid me by Dr. Lewen, or another clergyman, whom they named not +to her; which was to crown the work: and of other preparations, so +particular, as made me dread that they designed to surprise me into a +still nearer day than Wednesday. + +These things made me excessively uneasy. I knew not what to resolve +upon. + +At one time, What have I to do, thought I, but to throw myself at once +into the protection of Lady Betty Lawrance?--But then, in resentment of +his fine contrivances, which had so abominably disconcerted me, I soon +resolved to the contrary: and at last concluded to ask the favour of +another half-hour's conversation with my aunt. + +I sent Betty to her with my request. + +She came. + +I put it to her, in the most earnest manner, to tell me, whether I might +not obtain the favour of a fortnight's respite? + +She assured me, it would not be granted. + +Would a week? Surely a week would? + +She believed a week might, if I would promise two things: the first, +upon my honour, not to write a line out of the house, in that week: +for it was still suspected, she said, that I found means to write to +somebody. And, secondly, to marry Mr. Solmes, at the expiration of it. + +Impossible! Impossible! I said with a passion--What! might not I be +obliged with one week, without such a horrid condition as the last? + +She would go down, she said, that she might not seem of her own head to +put upon me what I thought a hardship so great. + +She went down: and came up again. + +Did I want, was the answer, to give the vilest of men an opportunity to +put his murderous schemes into execution?--It was time for them to put +an end to my obstinacy (they were tired out with me) and to his hopes +at once. And an end should be put on Tuesday or Wednesday next, at +furthest; unless I would give my honour to comply with the condition +upon which my aunt had been so good as to allow me a longer time. + +I even stamped with impatience!--I called upon her to witness, that +I was guiltless of the consequence of this compulsion; this barbarous +compulsion, I called it; let that consequence be what it would. + +My aunt chid me in a higher strain than ever she did before. + +While I, in a half phrensy, insisted upon seeing my father; such usage, +I said, set me above fear. I would rejoice to owe my death to him, as I +did my life. + +I did go down half way of the stairs, resolved to throw myself at his +feet wherever he was.--My aunt was frighted. She owned, that she feared +for my head.--Indeed I was in a perfect phrensy for a few minutes--but +hearing my brother's voice, as talking to somebody in my sister's +apartment just by, I stopt; and heard the barbarous designer say, +speaking to my sister, This works charmingly, my dear Arabella! + +It does! It does! said she, in an exulting accent. + +Let us keep it up, said my brother.--The villain is caught in his own +trap!--Now must she be what we would have her be. + +Do you keep my father to it; I'll take care of my mother, said Bella. + +Never fear, said he!--and a laugh of congratulation to each other, and +derision of me (as I made it out) quite turned my frantic humour into a +vindictive one. + +My aunt then just coming down to me, and taking my hand led me up; and +tried to sooth me. + +My raving was turned into sullenness. + +She preached patience and obedience to me. + +I was silent. + +At last she desired me to assure her, that I would offer no violence to +myself. + +God, I said, had given me more grace, I hoped, than to permit me to be +guilty of so horrid a rashness, I was his creature, and not my own. + +She then took leave of me; and I insisted upon her taking down with her +the odious parchments. + +Seeing me in so ill an humour, and very earnest that she should take +them with her, she took them; but said, that my father should not know +that she did: and hoped I would better consider of the matter, and be +calmer next time they were offered to my perusal. + +I revolved after she was gone all that my brother and sister had said. +I dwelt upon their triumphings over me; and found rise in my mind +a rancour that was new to me; and which I could not withstand.--And +putting every thing together, dreading the near day, what could I +do?--Am I in any manner excusable for what I did do?--If I shall be +condemned by the world, who know not my provocations, may I be acquitted +by you?--If not, I am unhappy indeed!--for this I did. + +Having shaken off the impertinent Betty, I wrote to Mr. Lovelace, to +let him know, 'That all that was threatened at my uncle Antony's, was +intended to be executed here. That I had come to a resolution to throw +myself upon the protection of either of his two aunts, who would afford +it me--in short, that by endeavouring to obtain leave on Monday to dine +in the ivy summer-house, I would, if possible, meet him without the +garden-door, at two, three, four, or five o'clock on Monday afternoon, +as I should be able. That in the mean time he should acquaint me, +whether I might hope for either of those ladies' protection: and if I +might, I absolutely insisted that he should leave me with either, and go +to London himself, or remain at Lord M.'s; nor offer to visit me, till I +were satisfied that nothing could be done with my friends in an amicable +way; and that I could not obtain possession of my own estate, and leave +to live upon it: and particularly, that he should not hint marriage to +me, till I consented to hear him upon that subject.--I added, that if +he could prevail upon one of the Misses Montague to favour me with +her company on the road, it would make me abundantly more easy in the +thoughts of carrying into effect a resolution which I had not come to, +although so driven, but with the utmost reluctance and concern; and +which would throw such a slur upon my reputation in the eye of the +world, as perhaps I should never be able to wipe off.' + +This was the purport of what I wrote; and down into the garden I slid +with it in the dark, which at another time I should not have had the +courage to do; and deposited it, and came up again unknown to any body. + +My mind so dreadfully misgave me when I returned, that, to divert in +some measure my increasing uneasiness, I had recourse to my private pen; +and in a very short time ran this length. + +And now, that I am come to this part, my uneasy reflections begin again +to pour in upon me. Yet what can I do?--I believe I shall take it back +again the first thing in the morning--Yet what can I do? + +And who knows but they may have a still earlier day in their intention, +than that which will too soon come? + +I hope to deposit this early in the morning for you, as I shall return +from resuming my letter, if I do resume it as my inwardest mind bids me. + +Although it is now near two o'clock, I have a good mind to slide down +once more, in order to take back my letter. Our doors are always locked +and barred up at eleven; but the seats of the lesser hall-windows being +almost even with the ground without, and the shutters not difficult to +open, I could easily get out. + +Yet why should I be thus uneasy, since, should the letter go, I can +but hear what Mr. Lovelace says to it? His aunts live at too great a +distance for him to have an immediate answer from them; so I can scruple +going to them till I have invitation. I can insist upon one of his +cousins meeting me in the chariot; and may he not be able to obtain +that favour from either of them. Twenty things may happen to afford me +a suspension at least: Why should I be so very uneasy?--When likewise +I can take back my letter early, before it is probable he will have the +thought of finding it there. Yet he owns he spends three parts of his +days, and has done for this fortnight past, in loitering about sometimes +in one disguise, sometimes in another, besides the attendance given by +his trusty servant when he himself is not in waiting, as he calls it. + +But these strange forebodings!--Yet I can, if you advise, cause the +chariot he shall bring with him, to carry me directly to town, whither +in my London scheme, if you were to approve it, I had proposed to go: +and this will save you the trouble of procuring for me a vehicle; as +well as prevent any suspicion from your mother of your contributing to +my escape. + +But, solicitous of your advice, and approbation too, if I can have it, I +will put an end to this letter. + +Adieu, my dearest friend, adieu! + + + + +LETTER XL + +MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWE FRIDAY MORNING, SEVEN O'CLOCK, APRIL +7. + + +My aunt Hervey, who is a very early riser, was walking in the garden +(Betty attending her, as I saw from my window this morning) when I +arose: for after such a train of fatigue and restless nights, I had +unhappily overslept myself: so all I durst venture upon, was, to step +down to my poultry-yard, and deposit mine of yesterday, and last night. +And I am just come up; for she is still in the garden. This prevents me +from going to resume my letter, as I think still to do; and hope it will +not be too late. + +I said, I had unhappily overslept myself: I went to bed about half +an hour after two. I told the quarters till five; after which I dropt +asleep, and awaked not till past six, and then in great terror, from a +dream, which has made such an impression upon me, that, slightly as I +think of dreams, I cannot help taking this opportunity to relate it to +you. + +'Methought my brother, my uncle Antony, and Mr. Solmes, had formed a +plot to destroy Mr. Lovelace; who discovering it, and believing I had a +hand in it, turned all his rage against me. I thought he made them all +fly to foreign parts upon it; and afterwards seizing upon me, carried +me into a church-yard; and there, notwithstanding, all my prayers and +tears, and protestations of innocence, stabbed me to the heart, and +then tumbled me into a deep grave ready dug, among two or three +half-dissolved carcases; throwing in the dirt and earth upon me with his +hands, and trampling it down with his feet.' + +I awoke in a cold sweat, trembling, and in agonies; and still the +frightful images raised by it remain upon my memory. + +But why should I, who have such real evils to contend with, regard +imaginary ones? This, no doubt, was owing to my disturbed imagination; +huddling together wildly all the frightful idea which my aunt's +communications and discourse, my letter to Mr. Lovelace, my own +uneasiness upon it, and the apprehensions of the dreaded Wednesday, +furnished me with. + + +***** + +EIGHT O'CLOCK. + +The man, my dear, has got the letter!--What a strange diligence! I wish +he mean me well, that he takes so much pains!--Yet, to be ingenuous, I +must own, that I should be displeased if he took less--I wish, however, +he had been an hundred miles off!--What an advantage have I given him +over me! + +Now the letter is out of my power, I have more uneasiness and regret +than I had before. For, till now, I had a doubt, whether it should or +should not go: and now I think it ought not to have gone. And yet is +there any other way than to do as I have done, if I would avoid Solmes? +But what a giddy creature shall I be thought, if I pursue the course to +which this letter must lead me? + +My dearest friend, tell me, have I done wrong?--Yet do not say I have, +if you think it; for should all the world besides condemn me, I shall +have some comfort, if you do not. The first time I ever besought you to +flatter me. That, of itself, is an indication that I have done wrong, +and am afraid of hearing the truth--O tell me (but yet do not tell me) +if I have done wrong! + + +***** + + +FRIDAY, ELEVEN O'CLOCK. + +My aunt has made me another visit. She began what she had to say +with letting me know that my friends are all persuaded that I still +correspond with Mr. Lovelace; as is plain, she said, by hints and +menaces he throws out, which shew that he is apprized of several things +that have passed between my relations and me, sometimes within a very +little while after they have happened. + +Although I approve not of the method he stoops to take to come at his +intelligence, yet it is not prudent in me to clear myself by the ruin of +the corrupted servant, (although his vileness has neither my connivance +nor approbation,) since my doing so might occasion the detection of my +own correspondence; and so frustrate all the hopes I have to avoid +this Solmes. Yet it is not at all likely, that this very agent of Mr. +Lovelace acts a double part between my brother and him: How else can our +family know (so soon too) his menaces upon the passages they hint at? + +I assured my aunt, that I was too much ashamed of the treatment I met +with (and that from every one's sake as well as for my own) to acquaint +Mr. Lovelace with the particulars of that treatment, even were the means +of corresponding with him afforded me: that I had reason to think, that +if he were to know of it from me, we must be upon such terms, that +he would not scruple making some visits, which would give me great +apprehensions. They all knew, I said, that I had no communication +with any of my father's servants, except my sister's Betty Barnes: for +although I had a good opinion of them all, and believed, if left to +their own inclinations, that they would be glad to serve me; yet, +finding by their shy behaviour, that they were under particular +direction, I had forborn, ever since my Hannah had been so disgracefully +dismissed, so much as to speak to any of them, for fear I should be the +occasion of their losing their places too. They must, therefore, account +among themselves for the intelligence Mr. Lovelace met with, since +neither my brother nor sister, (as Betty had frequently, in praise of +their open hearts, informed me,) nor perhaps their favourite Mr. Solmes, +were all careful before whom they spoke, when they had any thing to +throw out against him, or even against me, whom they took great pride to +join with him on this occasion. + +It was but too natural, my aunt said, for my friends to suppose that +he had his intelligence (part of it at least) from me; who, thinking +yourself hardly treated, might complain of it, if not to him, to Miss +Howe; which, perhaps, might be the same thing; for they knew Miss Howe +spoke as freely of them, as they could do of Mr. Lovelace; and must have +the particulars she spoke of from somebody who knew what was done here. +That this determined my father to bring the whole matter to a speedy +issue, lest fatal consequences should ensue. + +I perceive you are going to speak with warmth, proceeded she: [and so I +was] for my own part I am sure, you would not write any thing, if you +do write, to inflame so violent a spirit.--But this is not the end of my +present visit. + +You cannot, my dear, but be convinced, that your father will be obeyed. +The more you contend against his will, the more he thinks himself +obliged to assert his authority. Your mother desires me to tell you, +that if you will give her the least hopes of a dutiful compliance, she +will be willing to see you in her closet just now, while your father is +gone to take a walk in the garden. + +Astonishing perseverance! said I--I am tired with making declarations +and with pleadings on this subject; and had hoped, that my resolution +being so well known, I should not have been further urged upon it. + +You mistake the purport of my present visit, Miss: [looking +gravely]--Heretofore you have been desired and prayed to obey and oblige +your friends. Entreaty is at an end: they give it up. Now it is resolved +upon, that your father's will is to be obeyed; as it is fit it should. +Some things are laid at your door, as if you concurred with Lovelace's +threatened violence to carry you off, which your mother will not +believe. She will tell you her own good opinion of you. She will tell +you how much she still loves you; and what she expects of you on +the approaching occasion. But yet, that she may not be exposed to an +opposition which would the more provoke her, she desires that you will +first assure her that you go down with a resolution to do that with a +grace which must be done with or without a grace. And besides, she wants +to give you some advice how to proceed in order to reconcile yourself +to your father, and to every body else. Will you go down, Miss Clary, or +will you not? + +I said, I should think myself happy, could I be admitted to my mother's +presence, after so long a banishment from it; but that I could not wish +it upon those terms. + +And this is your answer, Niece? + +It must be my answer, Madam. Come what may, I never will have Mr. +Solmes. It is cruel to press this matter so often upon me.--I never will +have that man. + +Down she went with displeasure. I could not help it. I was quite tired +with so many attempts, all to the same purpose. I am amazed that they +are not!--So little variation! and no concession on either side! + + +I will go down and deposit this; for Betty has seen I have been writing. +The saucy creature took a napkin, and dipt it in water, and with a +fleering air, here, Miss; holding the wet corner to me. + +What's that for? said I. + +Only, Miss, one of the fingers of your right-hand, if you please to look +at it. + +It was inky. + +I gave her a look; but said nothing. + +But, lest I should have another search, I will close here. + +CL. HARLOWE. + + + + +LETTER XLI + +MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWE FRIDAY, ONE O'CLOCK. + + +I have a letter from Mr. Lovelace, full of transports, vows, and +promises. I will send it to you enclosed. You'll see how 'he engages +in it for Lady Betty's protection, and for Miss Charlotte Montague's +accompanying me. I have nothing to do, but to persevere, he says, and +prepare to receive the personal congratulations of his whole family.' + +But you'll see how he presumes upon my being his, as the consequence of +throwing myself into that lady's protection. + +'The chariot and six is to be ready at the place he mentions. You'll see +as to the slur upon my reputation, about which I am so apprehensive, how +boldly he argues.' Generously enough, indeed, were I to be his; and had +given him to believe that I would.--But that I have not done. + +How one step brings on another with this encroaching sex; how soon a +young creature, who gives a man the least encouragement, be carried +beyond her intentions, and out of her own power! You would imagine, by +what he writes, that I have given him reason to think that my aversion +to Mr. Solmes is all owing to my favour for him. + +The dreadful thing is, that comparing what he writes from his +intelligencer of what is designed against me (though he seems not to +know the threatened day) with what my aunt and Betty assure me of, there +can be no hope for me, but that I must be Solmes's wife, if I stay here. + +I had better have gone to my uncle Antony's at this rate. I should +have gained time, at least, by it. This is the fruit of his fine +contrivances! + +'What we are to do, and how good he is to be: how I am to direct all his +future steps.' All this shews, as I said before, that he is sure of me. + +However, I have replied to the following effect: 'That although I had +given him room to expect that I would put myself into the protection +of one of the ladies of his family; yet as I have three days to come, +between this and Monday, and as I still hope that my friends will +relent, or that Mr. Solmes will give up a point they will find +impossible to carry; I shall not look upon myself as absolutely bound +by the appointment: and expect therefore, if I recede, that I shall not +again be called to account for it by him. That I think it necessary +to acquaint him, that if my throwing myself upon Lady Betty Lawrance's +protection, as he proposed, he understands, that I mean directly to put +myself into his power, he is very much mistaken: for that there are many +point in which I must be satisfied; several matters to be adjusted, even +after I have left this house, (if I do leave it,) before I can think of +giving him any particular encouragement: that in the first place he must +expect that I will do my utmost to procure my father's reconciliation +and approbation of my future steps; and that I will govern myself +entirely by his commands, in every reasonable point, as much as if I had +not left his house: that if he imagines I shall not reserve to myself +this liberty, but that my withdrawing is to give him any advantages +which he would not otherwise have had; I am determined to stay where I +am, and abide the event, in hopes that my friends will still accept +of my reiterated promise never to marry him, or any body else, without +their consent. + +This I will deposit as soon as I can. And as he thinks things are near +their crisis, I dare say it will not be long before I have an answer to +it. + + +FRIDAY, FOUR O'CLOCK. + +I am really ill. I was used to make the best of any little accidents +that befel me, for fear of making my then affectionate friends uneasy: +but now I shall make the worst of my indisposition, in hopes to obtain a +suspension of the threatened evil of Wednesday next. And if I do obtain +it, will postpone my appointment with Mr. Lovelace. + +Betty has told them that I am very much indisposed. But I have no pity +from any body. + +I believe I am become the object of every one's aversion; and that they +would all be glad if I were dead. Indeed I believe it. 'What ails the +perverse creature?' cries one:--'Is she love-sick?' another. + +I was in the ivy summer-house, and came out shivering with cold, as +if aguishly affected. Betty observed this, and reported it.--'O no +matter!--Let her shiver on!--Cold cannot hurt her. Obstinacy will defend +her from harm. Perverseness is a bracer to a love-sick girl, and more +effectual than the cold bath to make hardy, although the constitution be +ever so tender.' + +This was said by a cruel brother, and heard said by the dearer friends +of one, for whom, but a few months ago, every body was apprehensive at +the least blast of wind to which she exposed herself! + +Betty, it must be owned, has an admirable memory on these occasions. +Nothing of this nature is lost by her repetition: even the very air with +which she repeats what she hears said, renders it unnecessary to ask, +who spoke this or that severe thing. + + +FRIDAY, SIX O'CLOCK. + +My aunt, who again stays all night, just left me. She came to tell me +the result of my friends' deliberations about me. It is this: + +Next Wednesday morning they are all to be assembled: to wit, my father, +mother, my uncles, herself, and my uncle Hervey; my brother and sister +of course: my good Mrs. Norton is likewise to be admitted: and Dr. Lewen +is to be at hand, to exhort me, it seems, if there be occasion: but my +aunt is not certain whether he is to be among them, or to tarry till +called in. + +When this awful court is assembled, the poor prisoner is to be brought +in, supported by Mrs. Norton; who is to be first tutored to instruct me +in the duty of a child; which it seems I have forgotten. + +Nor is the success at all doubted, my aunt says: since it is not +believed that I can be hardened enough to withstand the expostulations +of so venerable a judicature, although I have withstood those of several +of them separately. And still the less, as she hints at extraordinary +condescensions from my father. But what condescensions, even from my +father, can induce me to make such a sacrifice as is expected from me? + +Yet my spirits will never bear up, I doubt, at such a tribunal--my +father presiding in it. + +Indeed I expected that my trials would not be at an end till he had +admitted me into his awful presence. + +What is hoped from me, she says, is, that I will cheerfully, on Tuesday +night, if not before, sign the articles; and so turn the succeeding +day's solemn convention into a day of festivity. I am to have the +license sent me up, however, and once more the settlements, that I may +see how much in earnest they are. + +She further hinted, that my father himself would bring up the +settlements for me to sign. + +O my dear! what a trial will this be!--How shall I be able to refuse my +father the writing of my name?--To my father, from whose presence I +have been so long banished!--He commanding and entreating, perhaps, in a +breath!--How shall I be able to refuse this to my father? + +They are sure, she says, something is working on Mr. Lovelace's part, +and perhaps on mine: and my father would sooner follow to the grave, +than see me his wife. + +I said, I was not well: that the very apprehensions of these trials were +already insupportable to me; and would increase upon me, as the time +approached; and I was afraid I should be extremely ill. + +They had prepared themselves for such an artifice as that, was my aunt's +unkind word; and she could assure me, it would stand me in no stead. + +Artifice! repeated I: and this from my aunt Hervey? + +Why, my dear, said she, do you think people are fools?--Can they not see +how dismally you endeavour to sigh yourself down within-doors?--How you +hang down your sweet face [those were the words she was pleased to use] +upon your bosom?--How you totter, as it were, and hold by this chair, +and by that door post, when you know that any body sees you? [This, my +dear Miss Howe, is an aspersion to fasten hypocrisy and contempt upon +me: my brother's or sister's aspersion!--I am not capable of arts so +low.] But the moment you are down with your poultry, or advancing upon +your garden-walk, and, as you imagine, out of every body's sight, it is +seem how nimbly you trip along; and what an alertness governs all your +motions. + +I should hate myself, said I, were I capable of such poor artifices as +these. I must be a fool to use them, as well as a mean creature; for +have I not had experience enough, that my friends are incapable of being +moved in much more affecting instances?--But you'll see how I shall be +by Tuesday. + + +My dear, you will not offer any violence to your health?--I hope, God +has given you more grace than to do that. + +I hope he has, Madam. But there is violence enough offered, and +threatened, to affect my health; and so it will be found, without my +needing to have recourse to any other, or to artifice either. + +I'll only tell you one thing, my dear: and that is, ill or well, the +ceremony will probably be performed before Wednesday night:--but this, +also, I will tell you, although beyond my present commission, That Mr. +Solmes will be under an engagement (if you should require it of him as +a favour) after the ceremony is passed, and Lovelace's hopes thereby +utterly extinguished, to leave you at your father's, and return to his +own house every evening, until you are brought to a full sense of your +duty, and consent to acknowledge your change of name. + +There was no opening of my lips to such a speech as this. I was dumb. + +And these, my dear Miss Howe, are they who, some of them at least, have +called me a romantic girl!--This is my chimerical brother, and wise +sister; both joining their heads together, I dare say. And yet, my aunt +told me, that the last part was what took in my mother: who had, till +that last expedient was found out, insisted, that her child should not +be married, if, through grief or opposition, she should be ill, or fall +into fits. + +This intended violence my aunt often excused, by the certain information +they pretended to have, of some plots or machinations, that were +ready to break out, from Mr. Lovelace:* the effects of which were thus +cunningly to be frustrated. + + + * It may not be amiss to observe in this place, that Mr. + Lovelace artfully contrived to drive the family on, by + permitting his and their agent Leman to report machinations, + which he had neither intention nor power to execute. + + +FRIDAY, NINE O'CLOCK. + +And now, my dear, what shall I conclude upon? You see how +determined--But how can I expect your advice will come time enough +to stand me in any stead? For here I have been down, and already have +another letter from Mr. Lovelace [the man lives upon the spot, I think:] +and I must write to him, either that I will or will not stand to my +first resolution of escaping hence on Monday next. If I let him know +that I will not, (appearances so strong against him and for Solmes, even +stronger than when I made the appointment,) will it not be justly deemed +my own fault, if I am compelled to marry their odious man? And if any +mischief ensue from Mr. Lovelace's rage and disappointment, will it not +lie at my door?--Yet, he offers so fair!--Yet, on the other hand, to +incur the censure of the world, as a giddy creature--but that, as he +hints, I have already incurred--What can I do?--Oh! that my cousin +Morden--But what signifies wishing? + +I will here give you the substance of Mr. Lovelace's letter. The letter +itself I will send, when I have answered it; but that I will defer doing +as long as I can, in hopes of finding reason to retract an appointment +on which so much depends. And yet it is necessary you should have all +before you as I go along, that you may be the better able to advise me +in this dreadful crisis. + +'He begs my pardon for writing with so much assurance; attributing it to +his unbounded transport; and entirely acquiesces to me in my will. He is +full of alternatives and proposals. He offers to attend me directly to +Lady Betty's; or, if I had rather, to my own estate; and that my Lord +M. shall protect me there.' [He knows not, my dear, my reasons for +rejecting this inconsiderate advice.] 'In either case, as soon as he +sees me safe, he will go up to London, or whither I please; and not +come near me, but by my own permission; and till I am satisfied in every +thing I am doubtful of, as well with regard to his reformation, as to +settlements, &c. + +'To conduct me to you, my dear, is another of his proposals, not +doubting, he says, but your mother will receive me:* or, if that be not +agreeable to you, or to your mother, or to me, he will put me into Mr. +Hickman's protection; whom, no doubt he says, you can influence; and +that it may be given out, that I have gone to Bath, or Bristol, or +abroad; wherever I please. + + + * See Note in Letter V. of this Volume. + + +'Again, if it be more agreeable, he proposes to attend me privately to +London, where he will procure handsome lodgings for me, and both his +cousins Montague to receive me in them, and to accompany me till +all shall be adjusted to my mind; and till a reconciliation shall +be effected; which he assures me nothing shall be wanting in him to +facilitate, greatly as he has been insulted by all my family. + +'These several measures he proposes to my choice; as it was unlikely, +he says, that he could procure, in the time, a letter from Lady Betty, +under her own hand, to invite me in form to her house, unless he +had been himself to go to that lady for it; which, at this critical +juncture, while he is attending my commands, is impossible. + +'He conjures me, in the most solemn manner, if I would not throw him +into utter despair, to keep to my appointment. + +'However, instead of threatening my relations, or Solmes, if I recede, +he respectfully says, that he doubts not, but that, if I do, it will be +upon the reason, as he ought to be satisfied with; upon no slighter, +he hopes, than their leaving me at full liberty to pursue my own +inclinations: in which (whatever they shall be) he will entirely +acquiesce; only endeavouring to make his future good behaviour the sole +ground for his expectation of my favour. + +'In short, he solemnly vows, that his whole view, at present, is to free +me from my imprisonment; and to restore me to my future happiness. He +declares, that neither the hopes he has of my future favour, nor the +consideration of his own and his family's honour, will permit him to +propose any thing that shall be inconsistent with my own most scrupulous +notions: and, for my mind's sake, should choose to have the proposed end +obtained by my friends declining to compel me. But that nevertheless, as +to the world's opinion, it is impossible to imagine that the behaviour +of my relations to me has not already brought upon my family those +free censures which they deserve, and caused the step which I am so +scrupulous about taking, to be no other than the natural and expected +consequence of their treatment of me.' + +Indeed, I am afraid all this is true: and it is owing to some little +degree of politeness, that Mr. Lovelace does not say all he might on +this subject: for I have no doubt that I am the talk, and perhaps the +bye-word of half the county. If so, I am afraid I can now do nothing +that will give me more disgrace than I have already so causelessly +received by their indiscreet persecutions: and let me be whose I +will, and do what I will, I shall never wipe off the stain which my +confinement, and the rigorous usage I have received, have fixed upon me; +at least in my own opinion. + +I wish, if ever I am to be considered as one of the eminent family this +man is allied to, some of them do not think the worse of me for the +disgrace I have received. In that case, perhaps, I shall be obliged to +him, if he do not. You see how much this harsh, this cruel treatment +from my own family has humbled me! But perhaps I was too much exalted +before. + +Mr. Lovelace concludes, 'with repeatedly begging an interview with me; +and that, this night, if possible: an hour, he says, he is the more +encouraged to solicit for, as I had twice before made him hope for it. +But whether he obtain it or not, he beseeches me to choose one of the +alternatives he offers to my acceptance; and not to depart from my +resolution of escaping on Monday, unless the reason ceases on which I +had taken it up; and that I have a prospect of being restored to +the favour of my friends; at least to my own liberty, and freedom of +choice.' + +He renews all his vows and promises on this head in so earnest and so +solemn a manner, that (his own interest, and his family's honour, and +their favour for me, co-operating) I can have no room to doubt of his +sincerity. + + + + +LETTER XLII + +MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWE SAT. MORN., EIGHT O'CLOCK, APRIL 8. + +Whether you will blame me or not, I cannot tell, but I have deposited +a letter confirming my resolution to leave this house on Monday next, +within the hour mentioned in my former, if possible. I have not kept a +copy of it. But this is the substance: + +I tell him, 'That I have no way to avoid the determined resolution of +my friends in behalf of Mr. Solmes, but by abandoning this house by his +assistance.' + +I have not pretended to make a merit with him on this score; for I +plainly tell him, 'That could I, without an unpardonable sin, die when I +would, I would sooner make death my choice, than take a step, which all +the world, if not my own heart, would condemn me for taking.' + +I tell him, 'That I shall not try to bring any other clothes with me +than those I shall have on; and those but my common wearing-apparel; +lest I should be suspected. That I must expect to be denied the +possession of my estate: but that I am determined never to consent to a +litigation with my father, were I to be reduced to ever so low a state: +so that the protection I am to be obliged for to any one, must be alone +for the distress sake. That, therefore, he will have nothing to hope for +from this step that he had not before: and that in ever light I +reserve to myself to accept or refuse his address, as his behaviour and +circumspection shall appear to me to deserve.' + +I tell him, 'That I think it best to go into a private lodging in the +neighbourhood of Lady Betty Lawrance; and not to her ladyship's house; +that it may not appear to the world that I have refuged myself in his +family; and that a reconciliation with my friends may not, on that +account, be made impracticable: that I will send for thither my faithful +Hannah; and apprize only Miss Howe where I am: that he shall instantly +leave me, and go to London, or to one of Lord M.'s seats; and as he had +promised not to come near me, but by my leave; contenting himself with a +correspondence by letter only. + +'That if I find myself in danger of being discovered, and carried back +by violence, I will then throw myself directly into the protection +either of Lady Betty or Lady Sarah: but this only in case of absolute +necessity; for that it will be more to my reputation, for me, by the +best means I can, (taking advantage of my privacy,) to enter by a second +or third hand into a treaty of reconciliation with my friends. + +'That I must, however, plainly tell him, 'That if, in this treaty, my +friends insist upon my resolving against marrying him, I will engage +to comply with them; provided they will allow me to promise him, that I +will never be the wife of any other man while he remains single, or is +living: that this is a compliment I am willing to pay him, in return for +the trouble and pains he has taken, and the usage he has met with on +my account: although I intimate, that he may, in a great measure, thank +himself (by reason of the little regard he has paid to his reputation) +for the slights he has met with.' + +I tell him, 'That I may, in this privacy, write to my cousin Morden, +and, if possible, interest him in my cause. + +'I take some brief notice then of his alternatives.' + +You must think, my dear, that this unhappy force upon me, and this +projected flight, make it necessary for me to account to him much sooner +than I should otherwise choose to do, for every part of my conduct. + +'It is not to be expected, I tell him, that your mother will embroil +herself, or suffer you or Mr. Hickman to be embroiled, on my account: +and as to his proposal of my going to London, I am such an absolute +stranger to every body there, and have such a bad opinion of the place, +that I cannot by any means think of going thither; except I should be +induced, some time hence, by the ladies of his family to attend them. + +'As to the meeting he is desirous of, I think it by no means proper; +especially as it is so likely that I may soon see him. But that if any +thing occurs to induce me to change my mind, as to withdrawing, I will +then take the first opportunity to see him, and give him my reasons for +that change. + +This, my dear, I the less scrupled to write, as it might qualify him to +bear such a disappointment, should I give it him; he having, besides, +behaved so very unexceptionably when he surprised me some time ago in +the lonely wood-house. + +Finally, 'I commend myself, as a person in distress, and merely as such, +to his honour, and to the protection of the ladies of his family. I +repeat [most cordially, I am sure!] my deep concern for being forced to +take a step so disagreeable, and so derogatory to my honour. And having +told him, that I will endeavour to obtain leave to dine in the Ivy +Summer-house,* and to send Betty of some errand, when there, I leave the +rest to him; but imagine, that about four o'clock will be a proper time +for him to contrive some signal to let me know he is at hand, and for me +to unbolt the garden-door.' + + + * The Ivy Summer-house (or Ivy Bower, as it was sometimes + called in the family) was a place, that from a girl, this + young lady delighted in. She used, in the summer months, + frequently to sit and work, and read, and write, and draw, + and (when permitted) to breakfast, and dine, and sometimes + to sup, in it; especially when Miss Howe, who had an equal + liking to it, was her visiter and guest. + +She describes it, in another letter (which appears not) as 'pointing to +a pretty variegated landscape of wood, water, and hilly country; which +had pleased her so much, that she had drawn it; the piece hanging up, in +her parlous, among some of her other drawings.' + + +I added, by way of postscript, 'That their suspicions seeming to +increase, I advise him to contrive to send or some to the usual place, +as frequently as possible, in the interval of time till Monday morning +ten or eleven o'clock; as something may possibly happen to make me alter +my mind.' + +O my dear Miss Howe!--what a sad, sad thing is the necessity, forced +upon me, for all this preparation and contrivance!--But it is now too +late!--But how!--Too late, did I say?--What a word is that!--What a +dreadful thing, were I to repent, to find it to be too late to remedy +the apprehended evil! + + +SATURDAY, TEN O'CLOCK. + +Mr. Solmes is here. He is to dine with his new relations, as Betty tells +me he already calls them. + +He would have thrown himself in my way once more: but I hurried up to my +prison, in my return from my garden-walk, to avoid him. + +I had, when in the garden, the curiosity to see if my letter were gone: +I cannot say with an intention to take it back again if it were not, +because I see not how I could do otherwise than I have done; yet, what a +caprice! when I found it gone, I began (as yesterday morning) to wish it +had not: for no other reason, I believe, than because it was out of my +power. + +A strange diligence in this man!--He says, he almost lives upon the +place; and I think so too. + +He mentions, as you will see in his letter, four several disguises, +which he puts on in one day. It is a wonder, nevertheless, that he has +not been seen by some of our tenants: for it is impossible that any +disguise can hide the gracefulness of his figure. But this is to be +said, that the adjoining grounds being all in our own hands, and no +common foot-paths near that part of the garden, and through the park and +coppice, nothing can be more bye and unfrequented. + +Then they are less watchful, I believe, over my garden-walks, and my +poultry-visits, depending, as my aunt hinted, upon the bad character +they have taken so much pains to fasten upon Mr. Lovelace. This, they +think, (and justly think,) must fill me with doubts. And then the regard +I have hitherto had for my reputation is another of their securities. +Were it not for these two, they would not surely have used me as they +have done; and at the same time left me the opportunities which I have +several times had, to get away, had I been disposed to do so:* and, +indeed, their dependence on both these motives would have been well +founded, had they kept but tolerable measures with me. + + + * They might, no doubt, make a dependence upon the reasons + she gives: but their chief reliance was upon the vigilance + of their Joseph Leman; little imagining what an implement he + was of Mr. Lovelace. + + +Then, perhaps, they have no notion of the back-door; as it is seldom +opened, and leads to a place so pathless and lonesome.* If not, there +can be no other way to escape (if one would) unless by the plashy lane, +so full of springs, by which your servant reaches the solitary wood +house; to which lane one must descend from a high bank, that bounds the +poultry yard. For, as to the front-way, you know, one must pass through +the house to that, and in sight of the parlours, and the servants' hall; +and then have the open courtyard to go through, and, by means of the +iron-gate, be full in view, as one passes over the lawn, for a quarter +of a mile together; the young plantations of elms and limes affording +yet but little shade or covert. + + + * This, in another of her letters, (which neither is + inserted,) is thus described:--'A piece of ruins upon it, + the remains of an old chapel, now standing in the midst of + the coppice; here and there an over-grown oak, surrounded + with ivy and mistletoe, starting up, to sanctify, as it + were, the awful solemnness of the place: a spot, too, where + a man having been found hanging some years ago, it was used + to be thought of by us when children, and by the maid- + servants, with a degree of terror, (it being actually the + habitation of owls, ravens, and other ominous birds,) as + haunted by ghosts, goblins, specters: the genuine result of + the country loneliness and ignorance: notions which, early + propagated, are apt to leave impressions even upon minds + grown strong enough at the same time to despise the like + credulous follies in others.' + + +The Ivy Summer-house is the most convenient for this heart-affecting +purpose of any spot in the garden, as it is not far from the back-door, +and yet in another alley, as you may remember. Then it is seldom +resorted to by any body else, except in the summer-months, because it is +cool. When they loved me, they would often, for this reason, object to +my long continuance in it:--but now, it is no matter what becomes of me. +Besides, cold is a bracer, as my brother said yesterday. + +Here I will deposit what I have written. Let me have your prayers, my +dear; and your approbation, or your censure, of the steps I have taken: +for yet it may not be quite too late to revoke the appointment. I am + +Your most affectionate and faithful CL. HARLOWE. + +Why will you send your servant empty-handed? + + + + +LETTER XLIII + +MISS HOWE, TO MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE SAT. AFTERNOON. + + +By your last date of ten o'clock in your letter of this day, you could +not long have deposited it before Robin took it. He rode hard, and +brought it to be just as I had risen from table. + +You may justly blame me for sending my messenger empty-handed, your +situation considered; and yet that very situation (so critical!) is +partly the reason for it: for indeed I knew not what to write, fit to +send you. + +I have been inquiring privately, how to procure you a conveyance from +Harlowe-place, and yet not appear in it; knowing, that to oblige in +the fact, and to disoblige in the manner, is but obliging by halves: my +mother being moreover very suspicious, and very uneasy; made more so by +daily visits from your uncle Antony; who tells her, that every thing +is now upon the point of being determined; and hopes, that her daughter +will not so interfere, as to discourage your compliance with their +wills. This I came at by a way that I cannot take notice of, or both +should hear of it in a manner neither would like: and, without that, my +mother and I have had almost hourly bickerings. + +I found more difficulty than I expected (as the time was confined, and +secrecy required, and as you so earnestly forbid me to accompany you in +your enterprise) in procuring you a vehicle. Had you not obliged me to +keep measures with my mother, I could have managed it with ease. I could +even have taken our own chariot, on one pretence or other, and put two +horses extraordinary to it, if I had thought fit; and I could, when we +had got to London, have sent it back, and nobody the wiser as to the +lodgings we might have taken. + +I wish to the Lord you had permitted this. Indeed I think you are too +punctilious a great deal for you situation. Would you expect to enjoy +yourself with your usual placidness, and not to be ruffled, in an +hurricane which every moment threatens to blow your house down? + +Had your distress sprung from yourself, that would have been another +thing. But when all the world knows where to lay the fault, this alters +the case. + +How can you say I am happy, when my mother, to her power, is as much an +abettor of their wickedness to my dearest friend, as your aunt, or any +body else?--and this through the instigation of that odd-headed and +foolish uncle of yours, who [sorry creature that he is!] keeps her up +to resolutions which are unworthy of her, for an example to me, if it +please you. Is not this cause enough for me to ground a resentment upon, +sufficient to justify me for accompanying you; the friendship between us +so well known? + +Indeed, my dear, the importance of the case considered, I must repeat, +that you are too nice. Don't they already think that your non-compliance +with their odious measures is owing a good deal to my advice? Have they +not prohibited our correspondence upon that very surmise? And have I, +but on your account, reason to value what they think? + +Besides, What discredit have I to fear by such a step? What detriment? +Would Hickman, do you believe, refuse me upon it?--If he did, should +I be sorry for that?--Who is it, that has a soul, who would not be +affected by such an instance of female friendship? + +But I should vex and disorder my mother!--Well, that is something: but +not more than she vexes and disorders me, on her being made an implement +by such a sorry creature, who ambles hither every day in spite to my +dearest friend--Woe be to both, if it be for a double end!--Chide me, if +you will: I don't care. + +I say, and I insist upon it, such a step would ennoble your friend: and +if still you will permit it, I will take the office out of Lovelace's +hands; and, to-morrow evening, or on Monday before his time of +appointment takes place, will come in a chariot, or chaise: and then, +my dear, if we get off as I wish, will we make terms (and what terms we +please) with them all. My mother will be glad to receive her daughter +again, I warrant: and Hickman will cry for joy on my return; or he shall +for sorrow. + +But you are so very earnestly angry with me for proposing such a step, +and have always so much to say for your side of any question, that I am +afraid to urge it farther.--Only be so good (let me add) as to encourage +me to resume it, if, upon farther consideration, and upon weighing +matters well, (and in this light, whether best to go off with me, +or with Lovelace,) you can get over your punctilious regard for my +reputation. A woman going away with a woman is not so discreditable a +thing, surely! and with no view, but to avoid the fellows!--I say, only +to be so good, as to consider this point; and if you can get over your +scruples on my account, do. And so I will have done with this argument +for the present; and apply myself to some of the passages in yours. + +A time, I hope, will come, that I shall be able to read your affecting +narratives without the impatient bitterness which now boils over in my +heart, and would flow to my pen, were I to enter into the particulars of +what you write. And indeed I am afraid of giving you my advice at all, +or telling you what I should do in your case (supposing you will still +refuse my offer; finding too what you have been brought or rather driven +to without it); lest any evil should follow it: in which case, I +should never forgive myself. And this consideration has added to my +difficulties in writing to you now you are upon such a crisis, and yet +refuse the only method--but I said, I would not for the present touch +any more that string. Yet, one word more, chide me if you please: If any +harm betide you, I shall for ever blame my mother--indeed I shall--and +perhaps yourself, if you do not accept my offer. + +But one thing, in your present situation and prospects, let me advise: +It is this, that if you do go off with Mr. Lovelace, you take the first +opportunity to marry. Why should you not, when every body will know by +whose assistance, and in whose company, you leave your father's house, +go whithersoever you will?--You may indeed keep him at a distance, until +settlements are drawn, and such like matters are adjusted to your mind: +but even these are matters of less consideration in your particular +case, than they would be in that of most others: and first, because, be +his other faults what they will, nobody thinks him an ungenerous man: +next, because the possession of your estate must be given up to you +as soon as your cousin Morden comes; who, as your trustee, will see +it done; and done upon proper terms: 3dly, because there is no want of +fortune on his side: 4thly, because all his family value you, and are +extremely desirous that you should be their relation: 5thly, because he +makes no scruple of accepting you without conditions. You see how he has +always defied your relations: [I, for my own part, can forgive him for +the fault: nor know I, if it be not a noble one:] and I dare say, he +had rather call you his, without a shilling, than be under obligation +to those whom he has full as little reason to love, as they have to love +him. You have heard, that his own relations cannot make his proud spirit +submit to owe any favour to them. + +For all these reasons, I think, you may the less stand upon previous +settlements. It is therefore my absolute opinion, that, if you do +withdraw with him, (and in that case you must let him be judge when he +can leave you with safety, you'll observe that,) you should not postpone +the ceremony. + +Give this matter your most serious consideration. Punctilio is out of +doors the moment you are out of your father's house. I know how justly +severe you have been upon those inexcusable creatures, whose giddiness +and even want of decency have made them, in the same hour as I may +say, leap from a parent's window to a husband's bed--but considering +Lovelace's character, I repeat my opinion, that your reputation in the +eye of the world requires no delay be made in this point, when once you +are in his power. + +I need not, I am sure, make a stronger plea to you. + +You say, in excuse for my mother, (what my fervent love for my friend +very ill brooks,) that we ought not to blame any one for not doing what +she has an opinion to do, or to let alone. This, in cases of friendship, +would admit of very strict discussion. If the thing requested be of +greater consequence, or even of equal, to the person sought to, and it +were, as the old phrase has it, to take a thorn out of one's friend's +foot to put in into one's own, something might be said.--Nay, it would +be, I will venture to say, a selfish thing in us to ask a favour of +a friend which would subject that friend to the same or equal +inconvenience as that from which we wanted to be relieved, The requested +would, in this case, teach his friend, by his own selfish example, with +much better reason, to deny him, and despise a friendship so merely +nominal. But if, by a less inconvenience to ourselves, we could relieve +our friend from a greater, the refusal of such a favour makes the +refuser unworthy of the name of friend: nor would I admit such a one, +not even into the outermost fold of my heart. + +I am well aware that this is your opinion of friendship, as well as +mine: for I owe the distinction to you, upon a certain occasion; and it +saved me from a very great inconvenience, as you must needs remember. +But you were always for making excuses for other people, in cases +wherein you would not have allowed of one for yourself. + +I must own, that were these excuses for a friend's indifference, or +denial, made by any body but you, in a case of such vast importance to +herself, and of so comparative a small one to those for whose protection +she would be thought to wish; I, who am for ever, as you have often +remarked, endeavouring to trace effects to their causes, should be +ready to suspect that there was a latent, unowned inclination, which +balancing, or preponderating rather, made the issue of the alternative +(however important) sit more lightly upon the excuser's mind than she +cared to own. + +You will understand me, my dear. But if you do not, it may be well for +me; for I am afraid I shall have it from you for but starting such a +notion, or giving a hint, which perhaps, as you did once in another +case, you will reprimandingly call, 'Not being able to forego the +ostentation of sagacity, though at the expense of that tenderness which +is due to friendship and charity.' + +What signifies owning a fault without mending it, you'll say?--Very +true, my dear. But you know I ever was a saucy creature--ever stood in +need of great allowances.--And I remember, likewise, that I ever had +them from my dear Clarissa. Nor do I doubt them now: for you know how +much I love you--if it be possible, more than myself I love you! Believe +me, my dear: and, in consequence of that belief, you will be able to +judge how much I am affected by your present distressful and critical +situation; which will not suffer me to pass by without a censure even +that philosophy of temper in your own cause, which you have not in +another's, and which all that know you ever admired you for. + +From this critical and distressful situation, it shall be my hourly +prayers that you may be delivered without blemish to that fair fame +which has hitherto, like your heart, been unspotted. + +With this prayer, twenty times repeated, concludes Your ever +affectionate, ANNA HOWE. + +I hurried myself in writing this; and I hurry Robin away with it, that, +in a situation so very critical, you may have all the time possible to +consider what I have written, upon two points so very important. I will +repeat them in a very few words: + +'Whether you choose not rather to go off with one of your own sex; with +your ANNA HOWE--than with one of the other; with Mr. LOVELACE?' + +And if not, + +'Whether you should not marry him as soon as possible?' + + + + +LETTER XLIV + +MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWE [THE PRECEDING LETTER NOT RECEIVED.] +SATURDAY AFTERNOON. + + +Already have I an ecstatic answer, as I may call it, to my letter. + +'He promises compliance with my will in every article: approves of all +I propose; particularly of the private lodging: and thinks it a happy +expedient to obviate the censures of the busy and the unreflecting: and +yet he hopes, that the putting myself into the protection of either of +his aunts, (treated as I am treated,) would be far from being looked +upon by any body in a disreputable light. But every thing I enjoin +or resolve upon must, he says, be right, not only with respect to my +present but future reputation; with regard to which, he hopes so to +behave himself, as to be allowed to be, next to myself, more properly +solicitous than any body. He will only assure me, that his whole family +are extremely desirous to take advantage of the persecutions I labour +under to make their court, and endear themselves to me, by their best +and most cheerful services: happy if they can in any measure contribute +to my present freedom and future happiness. + +'He will this afternoon, he says, write to Lord M. and to Lady Betty and +Lady Sarah, that he is now within view of being the happiest man in the +world, if it be not his own fault; since the only woman upon earth that +can make him so will be soon out of danger of being another man's; and +cannot possibly prescribe any terms to him that he shall not think it +his duty to comply with. + +'He flatters himself now (my last letter confirming my resolution) that +he can be in no apprehension of my changing my mind, unless my friends +change their manner of acting by me; which he is too sure they will +not.* And now will all his relations, who take such a kind and generous +share in his interests, glory and pride themselves in the prospects he +has before him.' + + + * Well might he be so sure, when he had the art to play them + off, by his corrupted agent, and to make them all join to + promote his views unknown to themselves; as is shewn in some + of his preceding letters. + + +Thus does he hold me to it. + +'As to fortune, he begs me not to be solicitous on that score: that his +own estate is sufficient for us both; not a nominal, but a real, two +thousand pounds per annum, equivalent to some estates reputed a third +more: that it never was encumbered; that he is clear of the world, both +as to book and bond debts; thanks, perhaps, to his pride, more than to +his virtue: that Lord M. moreover resolves to settle upon him a thousand +pounds per annum on his nuptials. And to this, he will have it, his +lordship is instigated more by motives of justice than of generosity; as +he must consider it was but an equivalent for an estate which he had +got possession of, to which his (Mr. Lovelace's) mother had better +pretensions. That his lordship also proposed to give him up either +his seat in Hertfordshire, or that in Lancashire, at his own or at his +wife's option, especially if I am the person. All which it will be in my +power to see done, and proper settlements drawn, before I enter into any +farther engagements with him; if I will have it so.' + +He says, 'That I need not be under any solicitude as to apparel: all +immediate occasions of that sort will be most cheerfully supplied by the +ladies of his family: as my others shall, with the greatest pride and +pleasure (if I allow him that honour) by himself. + +'He assures me, that I shall govern him as I please, with regard to any +thing in his power towards effecting a reconciliation with my friends:' +a point he knows my heart is set upon. + +'He is afraid, that the time will hardly allow of his procuring Miss +Charlotte Montague's attendance upon me, at St. Alban's, as he had +proposed she should; because, he understands, she keeps her chamber with +a violent cold and sore throat. But both she and her sister, the first +moment she is able to go abroad, shall visit me at my private lodgings; +and introduce me to Lady Sarah and Lady Betty, or those ladies to me, as +I shall choose; and accompany me to town, if I please; and stay as long +in it with me as I shall think fit to stay there. + +'Lord M. will also, at my own time, and in my own manner, (that is to +say, either publicly or privately,) make me a visit. And, for his own +part, when he has seen me in safety, either in their protection, or in +the privacy I prefer, he will leave me, and not attempt to visit me but +by my own permission. + +'He had thought once, he says, on hearing of his cousin Charlotte's +indisposition, to have engaged his cousin Patty's attendance upon me, +either in or about the neighbouring village, or at St. Alban's: but, he +says, she is a low-spirited, timorous girl, and would but the more have +perplexed us.' + +So, my dear, the enterprise requires courage and high spirits, you +see!--And indeed it does!--What am I about to do! + +He himself, it is plain, thinks it necessary that I should be +accompanied with one of my own sex.--He might, at least, have proposed +the woman of one of the ladies of his family.--Lord bless me!--What am I +about to do!-- + + +***** + + +After all, as far as I have gone, I know not but I may still recede: +and, if I do, a mortal quarrel I suppose will ensue.--And what if it +does?--Could there be any way to escape this Solmes, a breach with +Lovelace might make way for the single life to take place, which I +so much prefer: and then I would defy the sex. For I see nothing but +trouble and vexation that they bring upon ours: and when once entered, +one is obliged to go on with them, treading, with tender feet, upon +thorns, and sharper thorns, to the end of a painful journey. + +What to do I know not. The more I think, the more I am embarrassed!--And +the stronger will be my doubts as the appointed time draws near. + +But I will go down, and take a little turn in the garden; and deposit +this, and his letters all but the two last, which I will enclose in my +next, if I have opportunity to write another. + +Mean time, my dear friend----But what can I desire you to pray +for?--Adieu, then!--Let me only say--Adieu--! + + + + +LETTER XLV + +MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWE. [IN ANSWER TO LETTER XLIII.] SUNDAY +MORNING, APRIL 9. + + +Do not think, my beloved friend, although you have given me in yours +of yesterday a severer instance of what, nevertheless, I must call your +impartial love, than ever yet I received from you, that I would be +displeased with you for it. That would be to put myself into the +inconvenient situation of royalty: that is to say, out of the way of +ever being told of my faults; of ever mending them: and in the way of +making the sincerest and warmest friendship useless to me. + +And then how brightly, how nobly glows in your bosom the sacred flame +of friendship; since it can make you ready to impute to the unhappy +sufferer a less degree of warmth in her own cause, than you have for +her, because of the endeavours to divest herself of self so far as to +leave others to the option which they have a right to make!--Ought I, my +dear, to blame, ought I not rather to admire you for this ardor? + +But nevertheless, lest you should think that there is any foundation for +a surmise which (although it owe its rise to your friendship) would, if +there were, leave me utterly inexcusable, I must, in justice to myself, +declare, that I know not my own heart if I have any of that latent or +unowned inclination, which you would impute to any other but me. Nor +does the important alternative sit lightly on my mind. And yet I must +excuse your mother, were it but on this single consideration, that +I could not presume to reckon upon her favour, as I could upon her +daughter's, so as to make the claim of friendship upon her, to whom, as +the mother of my dearest friend, a veneration is owing, which can +hardly be compatible with that sweet familiarity which is one of the +indispensable requisites of the sacred tie by which your heart and mine +are bound in one. + +What therefore I might expect from my Anna Howe, I ought not from +her mother; for would it not be very strange, that a person of her +experience should be reflected upon because she gave not up her own +judgment, where the consequence of her doing so would be to embroil +herself, as she apprehends, with a family she has lived well with, +and in behalf of a child against her parents?--as she has moreover a +daughter of her own:--a daughter too, give me leave to say, of whose +vivacity and charming spirits she is more apprehensive than she need to +be, because her truly maternal cares make her fear more from her youth, +than she hopes for her prudence; which, nevertheless, she and all the +world know to be beyond her years. + +And here let me add, that whatever you may generously, and as the result +of an ardent affection for your unhappy friend, urge on this head, in my +behalf, or harshly against any one who may refuse me protection in the +extraordinary circumstances I find myself in, I have some pleasure +in being able to curb undue expectations upon my indulgent friends, +whatever were to befal myself from those circumstances, for I should be +extremely mortified, were I by my selfish forwardness to give occasion +for such a check, as to be told, that I had encouraged an unreasonable +hope, or, according to the phrase you mention, wished to take a thorn +out of my own foot, and to put in to that of my friend. Nor should I +be better pleased with myself, if, having been taught by my good Mrs. +Norton, that the best of schools is that of affliction, I should rather +learn impatience than the contrary, by the lessons I am obliged to get +by heart in it; and if I should judge of the merits of others, as they +were kind to me; and that at the expense of their own convenience or +peace of mind. For is not this to suppose myself ever in the right; and +all who do not act as I would have them act, perpetually in the wrong? +In short, to make my sake God's sake, in the sense of Mr. Solmes's +pitiful plea to me? + +How often, my dear, have you and I endeavoured to detect and censure +this partial spirit in others? + +But I know you do not always content yourself with saying what you think +may justly be said; but, in order the shew the extent of a penetration +which can go to the bottom of any subject, delight to say or to write +all that can be said or written, or even thought, on the particular +occasion; and this partly perhaps from being desirous [pardon me, my +dear!] to be thought mistress of a sagacity that is aforehand with +events. But who would wish to drain off or dry up a refreshing current, +because it now-and-then puts us to some little inconvenience by its +over-flowings? In other words, who would not allow for the liveliness of +a spirit which for one painful sensibility gives an hundred pleasurable +ones; and the one in consequence of the other? + +But now I come to the two points in your letter, which most sensibly +concern me: Thus you put them: + +'Whether I choose not rather to go off [shocking words!] with one of +my own sex; with my ANNA HOWE--than with one of the other; with Mr. +LOVELACE?' + +And if not, + +'Whether I should not marry him as soon as possible?' + +You know, my dear, my reasons for rejecting your proposal, and even +for being earnest that you should not be known to be assisting me in an +enterprise in which a cruel necessity induced me to think of engaging; +and for which you have not the same plea. At this rate, well might +your mother be uneasy at our correspondence, not knowing to what +inconveniencies it might subject her and you!--If I am hardly excusable +to think of withdrawing from my unkind friends, what could you have to +say for yourself, were you to abandon a mother so indulgent? Does +she suspect that your fervent friendship may lead you to a small +indiscretion? and does this suspicion offend you? And would you, in +resentment, shew her and the world, that you can voluntarily rush into +the highest error that any of our sex can be guilty of? + +And is it worthy of your generosity [I ask you, my dear, is it?] to +think of taking so undutiful a step, because you believe your mother +would be glad to receive you again? + +I do assure you, that were I to take this step myself, I would run all +risks rather than you should accompany me in it. Have I, do you think, a +desire to double and treble my own fault in the eye of the world? in the +eye of that world which, cruelly as I am used, (not knowing all,) would +not acquit me? + +But, my dearest, kindest friend, let me tell you, that we will neither +of us take such a step. The manner of putting your questions abundantly +convinces me, that I ought not, in your opinion, to attempt it. You no +doubt intend that I shall so take it; and I thank you for the equally +polite and forcible conviction. + +It is some satisfaction to me (taking the matter in this light) that I +had begun to waver before I received your last. And now I tell you, that +it has absolutely determined me not to go off; at least not to-morrow. + +If you, my dear, think the issue of the alternative (to use your own +words) sits so lightly upon my mind, in short, that my inclination is +faulty; the world would treat me much less scrupulously. When therefore +you represent, that all punctilio must be at an end the moment I am out +of my father's house; and hint, that I must submit it to Mr. Lovelace +to judge when he can leave me with safety; that is to say, give him the +option whether he will leave me, or not; who can bear these reflections, +who can resolve to incur these inconveniencies, that has the question +still in her own power to decide upon? + +While I thought only of an escape from this house as an escape from Mr. +Solmes; that already my reputation suffered by my confinement; and that +it would be in my own option either to marry Mr. Lovelace, or wholly to +renounce him; bold as the step was, I thought, treated as I am treated, +something was to be said in excuse of it--if not to the world, to +myself: and to be self-acquitted, is a blessing to be preferred to the +option of all the world. But, after I have censured most severely, as I +have ever done, those giddy girls, who have in the same hour, as I may +say, that they have fled from their chamber, presented themselves at +the altar that is witness to their undutiful rashness; after I have +stipulated with Mr. Lovelace for time, and for an ultimate option +whether to accept or refuse him; and for his leaving me, as soon as I am +in a place of safety (which, as you observe, he must be the judge of); +and after he has signified to me his compliance with these terms; so +that I cannot, if I would, recall them, and suddenly marry;--you see, +my dear, that I have nothing left me but to resolve not to go away with +him! + +But, how, on this revocation of my appointment, shall I be able to +pacify him? + +How!--Why assert the privilege of my sex!--Surely, on this side of the +solemnity he has no right to be displeased. Besides, did I not reserve a +power of receding, as I saw fit? To what purpose, as I asked in the case +between your mother and you, has any body an option, if the making use +of it shall give the refused a right to be disgusted? + +Far, very far, would those, who, according to the old law, have a right +of absolving or confirming a child's promise, be from ratifying mine, +had it been ever so solemn a one.* But this was rather an appointment +than a promise: and suppose it had been the latter; and that I had not +reserved to myself a liberty of revoking it; was it to preclude better +or maturer consideration?--If so, how unfit to be given!--how ungenerous +to be insisted upon!--And how unfitter still to be kept!--Is there a man +living who ought to be angry that a woman whom he hopes one day to +call his, shall refuse to keep a rash promise, when, on the maturest +deliberation, she is convinced that it was a rash one? + + + * See Numb. XXX. Where it is declared, whose vows shall be + binding, and whose not. The vows of a man, or of a widow, + are there pronounced to be indispensable; because they are + sole, and subject to no other domestic authority. But the + vows of a single woman, or of a wife, if the father of the + one, or the husband of the other, disallow of them as soon + as they know them, are to be of no force. + + A matter highly necessary to be known; by all young ladies + especially, whose designing addressers too often endeavour + to engage them by vows; and then plead conscience and honour + to them to hold them down to the performance. + + It cannot be amiss to recite the very words. + + Ver. 3 If a woman vow a vow unto the Lord, and bind herself + by a bond, being in her father's house in her youth; + + 4. And her father hear her vow, and her bond wherewith she + hath bound her soul, and her father shall hold his peace at + her; then all her vows shall stand, and every bond wherewith + she hath bound her soul shall stand. + + 5. But if her father disallow her in the day that he + heareth; not any of her vows or of her bonds wherewith she + hath bound her soul shall stand: and the Lord shall forgive + her, because her father disallowed her. + + The same in the case of a wife, as said above. See ver. 6, + 7, 8, &c.--All is thus solemnly closed: + + Ver. 16. These are the statutes which the Lord commanded + Moses between a man and his wife, between the father and his + daughter, being yet in her youth in her father's house. + + +I resolve then, upon the whole, to stand this one trial of Wednesday +next--or, perhaps, I should rather say, of Tuesday evening, if my father +hold his purpose of endeavouring, in person, to make me read, or hear +read, and then sign, the settlements.--That, that must be the greatest +trial of all. + +If I am compelled to sign them over-night--then (the Lord bless me!) +must all I dread follow, as of course, on Wednesday. If I can prevail +upon them by my prayers [perhaps I shall fall into fits; for the very +first appearance of my father, after having been so long banished his +presence, will greatly affect me--if, I say, I can prevail upon them by +my prayers] to lay aside their views; or to suspend the day, if but for +one week; but if not, but for two or three days; still Wednesday will +be a lighter day of trial. They will surely give me time to consider: to +argue with myself. This will not be promising. As I have made no +effort to get away, they have no reason to suspect me; so I may have an +opportunity, in the last resort, to withdraw. Mrs. Norton is to be with +me: she, although she should be chidden for it, will, in my extremity, +plead for me. My aunt Hervey may, in such an extremity, join with her. +Perhaps my mother may be brought over. I will kneel to each, one by one, +to make a friend. Some of them have been afraid to see me, lest they +should be moved in my favour: does not this give a reasonable hope that +I may move them? My brother's counsel, heretofore given, to turn me out +of doors to my evil destiny, may again be repeated, and may prevail; +then shall I be in no worse case than now, as to the displeasure of my +friends; and thus far better, that it will not be my fault that I seek +another protection: which even then ought to be my cousin Morden's, +rather than Mr. Lovelace's, or any other person's. + +My heart, in short, misgives me less, when I resolve this way, than when +I think of the other: and in so strong and involuntary a bias, the heart +is, as I may say, conscience. And well cautions the wise man: 'Let the +counsel of thine own heart stand; for there is no man more faithful to +thee than it: for a man's mind is sometimes wont to tell him more than +seven watchmen, that sit above in a high tower.'* + + + * Ecclus. xxxvii. 13, 14. + + +Forgive these indigested self-reasonings. I will close here: and +instantly set about a letter of revocation to Mr. Lovelace; take it +as he will. It will only be another trial of temper to him. To me of +infinite importance. And has he not promised temper and acquiescence, on +the supposition of a change in my mind? + + + + +LETTER XLVI + +MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWE SUNDAY MORNING, APRIL 9. + + +Nobody it seems will go to church this day. No blessing to be expected +perhaps upon views so worldly, and in some so cruel. + +They have a mistrust that I have some device in my head. Betty has been +looking among my clothes. I found her, on coming up from depositing my +letter to Lovelace (for I have written!) peering among them; for I had +left the key in the lock. She coloured, and was confounded to be caught. +But I only said, I should be accustomed to any sort of treatment in +time. If she had her orders--those were enough for her. + +She owned, in her confusion, that a motion had been made to abridge +me of my airings; and the report she should make, would be of no +disadvantage to me. One of my friends, she told me, urged in my behalf, +That there was no need of laying me under greater restraint, since Mr. +Lovelace's threatening to rescue me by violence, were I to have been +carried to my uncle's, was a conviction that I had no design to go to +him voluntarily; and that if I had, I should have made preparations +of that kind before now; and, most probably, had been detected in +them.--Hence, it was also inferred, that there was no room to doubt, +but I would at last comply. And, added the bold creature, if you don't +intend to do so, your conduct, Miss, seems strange to me.--Only thus +she reconciled it, that I had gone so far, I knew not how to come off +genteelly: and she fancied I should, in full congregation, on Wednesday, +give Mr. Solmes my hand. And then said the confident wench, as the +learned Dr. Brand took his text last Sunday, There will be joy in +heaven-- + +This is the substance of my letter to Mr. Lovelace: + +'That I have reasons of the greatest consequence to myself (and which, +when known, must satisfy him) to suspend, for the present, my intention +of leaving my father's house: that I have hopes that matters may be +brought to an happy conclusion, without taking a step, which nothing +but the last necessity could justify: and that he may depend upon my +promise, that I will die rather than consent to marry Mr. Solmes.' + +And so, I am preparing myself to stand the shock of his exclamatory +reply. But be that what it will, it cannot affect me so much, as the +apprehensions of what may happen to me next Tuesday or Wednesday; for +now those apprehensions engage my whole attention, and make me sick at +the very heart. + + +SUNDAY, FOUR IN THE AFTERNOON. + +My letter is not yet taken away--If he should not send for it, or take +it, or come hither on my not meeting him to-morrow, in doubt of what +may have befallen me, what shall I do! Why had I any concerns with this +sex!--I, that was so happy till I knew this man! + +I dined in the ivy summer-house. My request to do so, was complied with +at the first word. To shew I meant nothing, I went again into the house +with Betty, as soon as I had dined. I thought it was not amiss to ask +this liberty; the weather seemed to be set in fine. Who knows what +Tuesday or Wednesday may produce? + + +SUNDAY EVENING, SEVEN O'CLOCK. + +There remains my letter still!--He is busied, I suppose, in his +preparations for to-morrow. But then he has servants. Does the man think +he is so secure of me, that having appointed, he need not give himself +any further concern about me till the very moment? He knows how I am +beset. He knows not what may happen. I may be ill, or still more closely +watched or confined than before. The correspondence might be discovered. +It might be necessary to vary the scheme. I might be forced into +measures, which might entirely frustrate my purpose. I might have new +doubts. I might suggest something more convenient, for any thing he +knew. What can the man mean, I wonder!--Yet it shall lie; for if he has +it any time before the appointed hour, it will save me declaring to him +personally my changed purpose, and the trouble of contending with him on +that score. If he send for it at all, he will see by the date, that he +might have had it in time; and if he be put to any inconvenience from +shortness of notice, let him take it for his pains. + + +SUNDAY NIGHT, NINE O'CLOCK. + +It is determined, it seems, to send for Mrs. Norton to be here on +Tuesday to dinner; and she is to stay with me for a whole week. + +So she is first to endeavour to persuade me to comply; and, when the +violence is done, she is to comfort me, and try to reconcile me to +my fate. They expect fits and fetches, Betty insolently tells me, and +expostulations, and exclamations, without number: but every body will +be prepared for them: and when it's over, it's over; and I shall be easy +and pacified when I find I can't help it. + + +MONDAY MORN. APRIL 10, SEVEN O'CLOCK. + +O my dear! there yet lies the letter, just as I left it! + +Does he think he is so sure of me?--Perhaps he imagines that I dare not +alter my purpose. I wish I had never known him! I begin now to see this +rashness in the light every one else would have seen it in, had I been +guilty of it. But what can I do, if he come to-day at the appointed +time! If he receive not the letter, I must see him, or he will think +something has befallen me; and certainly will come to the house. As +certainly he will be insulted. And what, in that case, may be the +consequence! Then I as good as promised that I would take the first +opportunity to see him, if I change my mind, and to give him my reasons +for it. I have no doubt but he will be out of humour upon it: but +better, if we meet, that he should go away dissatisfied with me, than +that I should go away dissatisfied with myself. + +Yet, short as the time is, he may still perhaps send, and get the +letter. Something may have happened to prevent him, which when known +will excuse him. + +After I have disappointed him more than once before, on a requested +interview only, it is impossible he should not have a curiosity at +least, to know if something has not happened; and whether my mind hold +or not in this more important case. And yet, as I rashly confirmed my +resolution by a second letter, I begin now to doubt it. + + +NINE O'CLOCK. + +My cousin Dolly Hervey slid the enclosed letter into my hand, as I +passed by her, coming out of the garden. + + +DEAREST MADAM, + +I have got intelligence from one who pretends to know every thing, +that you must be married on Wednesday morning to Mr. Solmes. Perhaps, +however, she says this only to vex me; for it is that saucy creature +Betty Barnes. A license is got, as she says: and so far she went as to +tell me (bidding me say nothing, but she knew I would) that Mr. Brand is +to marry you. For Dr. Lewen I hear, refuses, unless your consent can +be obtained; and they have heard that he does not approve of their +proceedings against you. Mr. Brand, I am told, is to have his fortune +made by uncle Harlowe and among them. + +You will know better than I what to make of all these matters; for +sometimes I think Betty tells me things as if I should not tell you, +and yet expects that I will.* For there is great whispering between Miss +Harlowe and her; and I have observed that when their whispering is over, +Betty comes and tells me something by way of secret. She and all the +world know how much I love you: and so I would have them. It is an +honour to me to love a young lady who is and ever was an honour to all +her family, let them say what they will. + + + * It is easy for such of the readers as have been attentive + to Mr. Lovelace's manner of working, to suppose, from this + hint of Miss Hervey's, that he had instructed his double- + faced agent to put his sweet-heart Betty upon alarming Miss + Hervey, in hopes she would alarm her beloved cousin, (as we + see she does,) in order to keep her steady to her + appointment with him. + + +But from a more certain authority than Betty's I can assure you (but I +must beg of you to burn this letter) that you are to be searched +once more for letters, and for pen and ink; for they know you write. +Something they pretend to have come at from one of Mr. Lovelace's +servants, which they hope to make something of. I know not for certain +what it is. He must be a very vile and wicked man who would boast of a +lady's favour to him, and reveal secrets. But Mr. Lovelace, I dare say, +is too much of a gentleman to be guilty of such ingratitude. + +Then they have a notion, from that false Betty I believe, that you +intend to take something to make yourself sick; and so they will search +for phials and powders and such like. + +If nothing shall be found that will increase their suspicions, you are +to be used more kindly by your papa when you appear before them all, +than he of late has used you. + +Yet, sick or well, alas! my dear cousin! you must be married. But your +husband is to go home every night without you, till you are reconciled +to him. And so illness can be no pretence to save you. + +They are sure you will make a good wife. So would not I, unless I liked +my husband. And Mr. Solmes is always telling them how he will purchase +your love by rich presents.--A syncophant man!--I wish he and Betty +Barnes were to come together; and he would beat her every day. + +After what I told you, I need not advise you to secure every thing you +would not have seen. + +Once more let me beg that you will burn this letter; and, pray, dearest +Madam, do not take any thing that may prejudice your health: for that +will not do. I am + +Your truly loving cousin, D.H. + + +***** + + +When I first read my cousin's letter, I was half inclined to resume my +former intention; especially as my countermanding letter was not taken +away; and as my heart ached at the thoughts of the conflict I must +expect to have with him on my refusal. For see him for a few moments I +doubt I must, lest he should take some rash resolutions; especially as +he has reason to expect I will see him. But here your words, that all +punctilio is at an end the moment I am out of my father's house, +added to the still more cogent considerations of duty and reputation, +determined me once more against the rash step. And it will be very hard +(although no seasonable fainting, or wished-for fit, should stand my +friend) if I cannot gain one month, or fortnight, or week. And I have +still more hopes that I shall prevail for some delay, from my cousin's +intimation that the good Dr. Lewen refuses to give his assistance to +their projects, if they have not my consent, and thinks me cruelly used: +since, without taking notice that I am apprized of this, I can plead +a scruple of conscience, and insist upon having that worthy divine's +opinion upon it: in which, enforced as I shall enforce it, my mother +will surely second me: my aunt Hervey, and Mrs. Norton, will support +her: the suspension must follow: and I can but get away afterwards. + +But, if they will compel me: if they will give me no time: if nobody +will be moved: if it be resolved that the ceremony should be read over +my constrained hand--why then--Alas! What then!--I can but--But what? O +my dear! this Solmes shall never have my vows I am resolved! and I will +say nothing but no, as long as I shall be able to speak. And who will +presume to look upon such an act of violence as a marriage?--It is +impossible, surely, that a father and mother can see such a dreadful +compulsion offered to their child--but if mine should withdraw, and +leave the task to my brother and sister, they will have no mercy. + +I am grieved to be driven to have recourse to the following artifices. + +I have given them a clue, by the feather of a pen sticking out, where +they will find such of my hidden stories, as I intend they shall find. + +Two or three little essays I have left easy to be seen, of my own +writing. + +About a dozen lines also of a letter begun to you, in which I express +my hopes, (although I say that appearances are against me,) and that +my friends will relent. They know from your mother, by my uncle Antony, +that, some how or other, I now and then get a letter to you. In this +piece of a letter I declare renewedly my firm resolution to give up the +man so obnoxious to my family, on their releasing me from the address of +the other. + +Near the essays, I have left the copy of my letter to Lady Drayton;* +which affording arguments suitable to my case, may chance (thus +accidentally to be fallen upon) to incline them to favour me. + + + * See Letters XIII. and XIV. + + +I have reserves of pens and ink, you may believe; and one or two in the +ivy summer-house; with which I shall amuse myself, in order to lighten, +if possible, those apprehensions which more and more affect me, as +Wednesday, the day of trial, approaches. + + + + +LETTER XLVII + +MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWE IVY SUMMER-HOUSE, ELEVEN O'CLOCK. + +He has not yet got my letter: and while I was contriving here how to +send my officious gaoleress from me, that I might have time for the +intended interview, and had hit upon an expedient, which I believe would +have done, came my aunt, and furnished me with a much better. She saw my +little table covered, preparative to my solitary dinner; and hoped, +she told me, that this would be the last day that my friends would be +deprived of my company at table. + +You may believe, my dear, that the thoughts of meeting Mr. Lovelace, +for fear of being discovered, together with the contents of my cousin +Dolly's letter, gave me great and visible emotions. She took notice of +them--Why these sighs, why these heavings here? said she, patting my +neck--O my dear Niece, who would have thought so much natural sweetness +could be so very unpersuadable? + +I could not answer her, and she proceeded--I am come, I doubt, upon a +very unwelcome errand. Some things have been told us yesterday, which +came from the mouth of one of the most desperate and insolent men in the +world, convince your father, and all of us, that you still find means +to write out of the house. Mr. Lovelace knows every thing that is done +here; and that as soon as done; and great mischief is apprehended from +him, which you are as much concerned as any body to prevent. Your mother +has also some apprehensions concerning yourself, which yet she hopes are +groundless; but, however, cannot be easy, if she would, unless (while +you remain here in the garden, or in this summer-house) you give her +the opportunity once more of looking into your closet, your cabinet and +drawers. It will be the better taken, if you give me cheerfully your +keys. I hope, my dear, you won't dispute it. Your desire of dining in +this place was the more readily complied with for the sake of such an +opportunity. + +I thought myself very lucky to be so well prepared by my cousin Dolly's +means for this search: but yet I artfully made some scruples, and not a +few complaints of this treatment: after which, I not only gave her the +keys of all, but even officiously emptied my pockets before her, and +invited her to put her fingers in my stays, that she might be sure I had +no papers there. + +This highly obliged her; and she said, she would represent my cheerful +compliance as it deserved, let my brother and sister say what they +would. My mother in particular, she was sure, would rejoice at the +opportunity given her to obviate, as she doubted not would be the case, +some suspicions that were raised against me. + +She then hinted, That there were methods taken to come at all Mr. +Lovelace's secrets, and even, from his careless communicativeness, at +some secret of mine; it being, she said, his custom, boastingly to prate +to his very servants of his intentions, in particular cases. She added, +that deep as he was thought to be, my brother was as deep as he, and +fairly too hard for him at his own weapons--as one day it would be +found. + +I knew not, I said, the meaning of these dark hints. I thought the +cunning she hinted at, on both sides, called rather for contempt than +applause. I myself might have been put upon artifices which my heart +disdained to practise, had I given way to the resentment, which, I was +bold to say, was much more justifiable than the actions that occasioned +it: that it was evident to me, from what she had said, that their +present suspicions of me were partly owing to this supposed superior +cunning of my brother, and partly to the consciousness that the usage I +met with might naturally produce a reason for such suspicions: that it +was very unhappy for me to be made the butt of my brother's wit: that it +would have been more to his praise to have aimed at shewing a kind heart +than a cunning head: that, nevertheless, I wished he knew himself as +well as I imagined I knew him; and he would then have less conceit of +his abilities: which abilities would, in my opinion, be less thought of, +if his power to do ill offices were not much greater than they. + +I was vexed. I could not help making this reflection. The dupe the +other, too probably, makes of him, through his own spy, deserved it. But +I so little approve of this low art in either, that were I but tolerably +used, the vileness of that man, that Joseph Leman, should be inquired +into. + +She was sorry, she said, to find that I thought so disparagingly of my +brother. He was a young man both of learning and parts. + +Learning enough, I said, to make him vain of it among us women: but not +of parts sufficient to make his learning valuable either to himself or +to any body else. + +She wished, indeed, that he had more good nature: but she feared that +I had too great an opinion of somebody else, to think so well of my +brother as a sister ought: since, between the two, there was a sort of +rivalry, as to abilities, that made them hate one another. + +Rivalry! Madam, said I.--If that be the case, or whether it be or not, +I wish they both understood, better than either of them seem to do, +what it becomes gentlemen, and men of liberal education, to be, and to +do.--Neither of them, then, would glory in what they ought to be ashamed +of. + +But waving this subject, it was not impossible, I said, that they might +find a little of my writing, and a pen or two, and a little ink, [hated +art!--or rather, hateful the necessity for it!] as I was not permitted +to go up to put them out of the way: but if they did, I must be +contented. And I assured her, that, take what time they pleased, I would +not go in to disturb them, but would be either in or near the garden, +in this summer-house, or in the cedar one, or about my poultry-yard, or +near the great cascade, till I was ordered to return to my prison. With +like cunning I said, I supposed the unkind search would not be made +till the servants had dined; because I doubted not that the pert Betty +Barnes, who knew all the corners of my apartment and closet, would be +employed in it. + +She hoped, she said, that nothing could be found that would give a +handle against me: for, she would assure me, the motives to the search, +on my mother's part especially, were, that she hoped to find reason +rather to acquit than to blame me; and that my father might be induced +to see my to-morrow night, or Wednesday morning, with temper: with +tenderness, I should rather say, said she; for he is resolved to do so, +if no new offence be given. + +Ah! Madam, said I-- + +Why that Ah! Madam, and shaking your head so significantly? + +I wish, Madam, that I may not have more reason to dread my father's +continued displeasure, than to hope for his returning tenderness. + +You don't know, my dear!--Things may take a turn--things may not be so +bad as you fear-- + +Dearest Madam, have you any consolation to give me?-- + +Why, my dear, it is possible, that you may be more compliable than you +have been. + +Why raised you my hopes, Madam?--Don't let me think my dear aunt Hervey +cruel to a niece who truly honours her. + +I may tell you more perhaps, said she (but in confidence, absolute +confidence) if the inquiry within came out in your favour. Do you know +of any thin above that can be found to your disadvantage?-- + +Some papers they will find, I doubt: but I must take consequences. +My brother and sister will be at hand with their good-natured +constructions. I am made desperate, and care not what is found. + +I hope, I earnestly hope, that nothing can be found that will impeach +your discretion; and then--but I may say too much-- + +And away she went, having added to my perplexity. + +But I now can think of nothing but this interview.--Would to Heaven it +were over!--To meet to quarrel--but, let him take what measures he will, +I will not stay a moment with him, if he be not quite calm and resigned. + +Don't you see how crooked some of my lines are? Don't you see how some +of the letters stagger more than others?--That is when this interview is +more in my head than in my subject. + +But, after all, should I, ought I to meet him? How have I taken it for +granted that I should!--I wish there were time to take your advice. Yet +you are so loth to speak quite out--but that I owe, as you own, to the +difficulty of my situation. + +I should have mentioned, that in the course of this conversation I +besought my aunt to stand my friend, and to put in a word for me on +my approaching trial; and to endeavour to procure me time for +consideration, if I could obtain nothing else. + +She told me, that, after the ceremony was performed [odious confirmation +of a hint in my cousin Dolly's letter!] I should have what time I +pleased to reconcile myself to my lot before cohabitation. + +This put me out of all patience. + +She requested of me in her turn, she said, that I would resolve to meet +them all with cheerful duty, and with a spirit of absolute acquiescence. +It was in my power to make them all happy. And how joyful would it be +to her, she said, to see my father, my mother, my uncles, my brother, my +sister, all embracing me with raptures, and folding me in turns to their +fond hearts, and congratulating each other on their restored happiness! +Her own joy, she said, would probably make her motionless and speechless +for a time: and for her Dolly--the poor girl, who had suffered in the +esteem of some, for her grateful attachment to me, would have every body +love her again. + +Will you doubt, my dear, that my next trial will be the most affecting +that I have yet had? + +My aunt set forth all this in so strong a light, and I was so +particularly touched on my cousin Dolly's account, that, impatient as I +was just before, I was greatly moved: yet could only shew, by my sighs +and my tears, how desirable such an event would be to me, could it +be brought about upon conditions with which it was possible for me to +comply. + +Here comes Betty Barnes with my dinner-- + + +***** + + +The wench is gone. The time of meeting is at hand. O that he may not +come!--But should I, or should I not, meet him?--How I question, without +possibility of a timely answer! + +Betty, according to my leading hint to my aunt, boasted to me, that she +was to be employed, as she called it, after she had eat her own dinner. + +She should be sorry, she told me, to have me found out. Yet 'twould be +all for my good. I should have it in my power to be forgiven for all at +once, before Wednesday night. The confident creature then, to stifle a +laugh, put a corner of her apron in her mouth, and went to the door: +and on her return to take away, as I angrily bid her, she begged my +excuse--but--but--and then the saucy creature laughed again, she could +not help it, to think how I had drawn myself in by my summer-house +dinnering, since it had given so fine an opportunity, by way of +surprise, to look into all my private hoards. She thought something was +in the wind, when my brother came into my dining here so readily. Her +young master was too hard for every body. 'Squire Lovelace himself was +nothing at all at a quick thought to her young master. + +My aunt mentioned Mr. Lovelace's boasting behaviour to his servants: +perhaps he may be so mean. But as to my brother, he always took a pride +in making himself appear to be a man of parts and learning to our +own servants. Pride and meanness, I have often thought, are as nearly +allied, and as close borderers upon each other, as the poet tells us wit +and madness are. + +But why do I trouble you (and myself, at such a crisis) with these +impertinences?--Yet I would forget, if I could, the nearest evil, the +interview; because, my apprehensions increasing as the hour is at hand, +I should, were my intentions to be engrossed by them, be unfit to see +him, if he does come: and then he will have too much advantage over me, +as he will have seeming reason to reproach me with change of resolution. + +The upbraider, you know, my dear, is in some sense a superior; while the +upbraided, if with reason upbraided, must make a figure as spiritless as +conscious. + +I know that this wretch will, if he can, be his own judge, and mine too. +But the latter he shall not be. + +I dare say, we shall be all to pieces. But I don't care for that. It +would be hard, if I, who have held it out so sturdily to my father and +uncles, should not--but he is at the garden-door-- + + +***** + + +I was mistaken!--How many noises unlike, be made like to what one +fears!--Why flutters the fool so--! + + +***** + + +I will hasten to deposit this. Then I will, for the last time, go to the +usual place, in hopes to find that he has got my letter. If he has, I +will not meet him. If he has not, I will take it back, and shew him what +I have written. That will break the ice, as I may say, and save me much +circumlocution and reasoning: and a steady adherence to that my written +mind is all that will be necessary.--The interview must be as short as +possible; for should it be discovered, it would furnish a new and strong +pretence for the intended evil of Wednesday next. + +Perhaps I shall not be able to write again one while. Perhaps not till +I am the miserable property of that Solmes!--But that shall never, never +be, while I have my senses. + +If your servant find nothing from me by Wednesday morning, you may then +conclude that I can neither write to you, nor receive your favours. + +In that case, pity and pray for me, my beloved friend; and continue to +me that place in your affection, which is the pride of my life, and the +only comfort left to + +Your CL. HARLOWE. + + + + +LETTER XLVIII + +MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWE ST. ALBAN'S, TUESDAY MORN. PAST ONE. + + +O MY DEAREST FRIEND! + +After what I had resolved upon, as by my former, what shall I write? +what can I? with what consciousness, even by letter, do I approach +you?--You will soon hear (if already you have not heard from the mouth +of common fame) that your Clarissa Harlowe is gone off with a man! + +I am busying myself to give you the particulars at large. The whole +twenty-four hours of each day (to begin at the moment I can fix) shall +be employed in it till it is finished: every one of the hours, I mean, +that will be spared me by this interrupting man, to whom I have made +myself so foolishly accountable for too many of them. Rest is departed +from me. I have no call for that: and that has no balm for the wounds +of my mind. So you'll have all those hours without interruption till the +account is ended. + +But will you receive, shall you be permitted to receive my letters, +after what I have done? + +O my dearest friend!--But I must make the best of it. + +I hope that will not be very bad! yet am I convinced that I did a rash +and inexcusable thing in meeting him; and all his tenderness, all his +vows, cannot pacify my inward reproaches on that account. + +The bearer comes to you, my dear, for the little parcel of linen which I +sent you with far better and more agreeable hopes. + +Send not my letters. Send the linen only: except you will favour me with +one line, to tell me you love me still; and that you will suspend your +censures till you have the whole before you. I am the readier to send +thus early, because if you have deposited any thing for me, you may +cause it to be taken back, or withhold any thing you had but intended to +send. + +Adieu, my dearest friend!--I beseech you to love me still--But +alas! what will your mother say?--what will mine?--what my other +relations?--and what my dear Mrs. Norton?--and how will my brother and +sister triumph! + +I cannot at present tell you how, or where, you can direct to me. For +very early shall I leave this place; harassed and fatigued to death. +But, when I can do nothing else, constant use has made me able to write. +Long, very long, has been all my amusement and pleasure: yet could not +that have been such to me, had I not had you, my best beloved friend, to +write to. Once more adieu. Pity and pray for + +Your CL. 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