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| author | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-15 02:04:03 -0700 |
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| committer | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-15 02:04:03 -0700 |
| commit | fa6fde9e100336b57f7486453ebac45c8a5035f3 (patch) | |
| tree | 6cc5d51c0c98d106a33ed029f9a88196585528e8 | |
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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/23233-8.txt b/23233-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e40f3c9 --- /dev/null +++ b/23233-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,10842 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Posthumous Works, by Mary Wollstonecraft + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Posthumous Works + of the Author of A Vindication of the Rights of Woman + +Author: Mary Wollstonecraft + +Editor: William Godwin + +Release Date: October 29, 2007 [EBook #23233] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK POSTHUMOUS WORKS *** + + + + +Produced by Jonathan Ingram, Online Distributed Proofreading +Team at http://www.pgdp.net and the booksmiths at +http://www.eBookForge.net + + + + + + + +POSTHUMOUS WORKS + +OF + +MARY WOLLSTONECRAFT GODWIN. + +VOL. I. + + +POSTHUMOUS WORKS + +OF THE + +AUTHOR + +OF A + +VINDICATION OF THE RIGHTS OF WOMAN. + +IN FOUR VOLUMES. + + * * * * * + +VOL. I. + + * * * * * + +_LONDON:_ + +PRINTED FOR J. JOHNSON, NO. 72, ST. PAUL'S + CHURCH-YARD; AND G. G. AND J. ROBINSON, + PATERNOSTER-ROW. + 1798. + + +THE + +WRONGS OF WOMAN: + +OR, + +MARIA. + +A FRAGMENT. + +IN TWO VOLUMES. + + * * * * * + +VOL. I. + + + + +PREFACE. + + +THE public are here presented with the last literary attempt of an +author, whose fame has been uncommonly extensive, and whose talents have +probably been most admired, by the persons by whom talents are estimated +with the greatest accuracy and discrimination. There are few, to whom her +writings could in any case have given pleasure, that would have wished +that this fragment should have been suppressed, because it is a fragment. +There is a sentiment, very dear to minds of taste and imagination, that +finds a melancholy delight in contemplating these unfinished productions +of genius, these sketches of what, if they had been filled up in a manner +adequate to the writer's conception, would perhaps have given a new +impulse to the manners of a world. + +The purpose and structure of the following work, had long formed a +favourite subject of meditation with its author, and she judged them +capable of producing an important effect. The composition had been in +progress for a period of twelve months. She was anxious to do justice to +her conception, and recommenced and revised the manuscript several +different times. So much of it as is here given to the public, she was +far from considering as finished, and, in a letter to a friend directly +written on this subject, she says, "I am perfectly aware that some of the +incidents ought to be transposed, and heightened by more harmonious +shading; and I wished in some degree to avail myself of criticism, before +I began to adjust my events into a story, the outline of which I had +sketched in my mind[x-A]." The only friends to whom the author +communicated her manuscript, were Mr. Dyson, the translator of the +Sorcerer, and the present editor; and it was impossible for the most +inexperienced author to display a stronger desire of profiting by the +censures and sentiments that might be suggested[x-B]. + +In revising these sheets for the press, it was necessary for the editor, +in some places, to connect the more finished parts with the pages of an +older copy, and a line or two in addition sometimes appeared requisite +for that purpose. Wherever such a liberty has been taken, the additional +phrases will be found inclosed in brackets; it being the editor's most +earnest desire, to intrude nothing of himself into the work, but to give +to the public the words, as well as ideas, of the real author. + +What follows in the ensuing pages, is not a preface regularly drawn out +by the author, but merely hints for a preface, which, though never filled +up in the manner the writer intended, appeared to be worth preserving. + +W. GODWIN. + + + + +AUTHOR'S PREFACE. + + +THE Wrongs of Woman, like the wrongs of the oppressed part of mankind, +may be deemed necessary by their oppressors: but surely there are a few, +who will dare to advance before the improvement of the age, and grant +that my sketches are not the abortion of a distempered fancy, or the +strong delineations of a wounded heart. + +In writing this novel, I have rather endeavoured to pourtray passions +than manners. + +In many instances I could have made the incidents more dramatic, would I +have sacrificed my main object, the desire of exhibiting the misery and +oppression, peculiar to women, that arise out of the partial laws and +customs of society. + +In the invention of the story, this view restrained my fancy; and the +history ought rather to be considered, as of woman, than of an +individual. + +The sentiments I have embodied. + +In many works of this species, the hero is allowed to be mortal, and to +become wise and virtuous as well as happy, by a train of events and +circumstances. The heroines, on the contrary, are to be born immaculate; +and to act like goddesses of wisdom, just come forth highly finished +Minervas from the head of Jove. + + * * * * * + +[The following is an extract of a letter from the author to a friend, to +whom she communicated her manuscript.] + + * * * * * + +For my part, I cannot suppose any situation more distressing, than for a +woman of sensibility, with an improving mind, to be bound to such a man +as I have described for life; obliged to renounce all the humanizing +affections, and to avoid cultivating her taste, lest her perception of +grace and refinement of sentiment, should sharpen to agony the pangs of +disappointment. Love, in which the imagination mingles its bewitching +colouring, must be fostered by delicacy. I should despise, or rather call +her an ordinary woman, who could endure such a husband as I have +sketched. + +These appear to me (matrimonial despotism of heart and conduct) to be the +peculiar Wrongs of Woman, because they degrade the mind. What are termed +great misfortunes, may more forcibly impress the mind of common readers; +they have more of what may justly be termed _stage-effect_; but it is the +delineation of finer sensations, which, in my opinion, constitutes the +merit of our best novels. This is what I have in view; and to show the +wrongs of different classes of women, equally oppressive, though, from +the difference of education, necessarily various. + +FOOTNOTES: + +[x-A] A more copious extract of this letter is subjoined to the author's +preface. + +[x-B] The part communicated consisted of the first fourteen chapters. + + + + +ERRATA. + +Page 3, line 2, _dele_ half. + +P. 81 and 118, _for_ brackets [--], _read_ inverted commas " thus " + + + + +CONTENTS. + +VOL. I. AND II. + +The Wrongs of Woman, or Maria; a Fragment: +to which is added, the First Book +of a Series of Lessons for Children. + +VOL. III. AND IV. + +Letters and Miscellaneous Pieces. + + + + +_WRONGS_ + +OF + +WOMAN. + + + + +CHAP. I. + + +ABODES of horror have frequently been described, and castles, filled with +spectres and chimeras, conjured up by the magic spell of genius to harrow +the soul, and absorb the wondering mind. But, formed of such stuff as +dreams are made of, what were they to the mansion of despair, in one +corner of which Maria sat, endeavouring to recal her scattered thoughts! + +Surprise, astonishment, that bordered on distraction, seemed to have +suspended her faculties, till, waking by degrees to a keen sense of +anguish, a whirlwind of rage and indignation roused her torpid pulse. One +recollection with frightful velocity following another, threatened to +fire her brain, and make her a fit companion for the terrific +inhabitants, whose groans and shrieks were no unsubstantial sounds of +whistling winds, or startled birds, modulated by a romantic fancy, which +amuse while they affright; but such tones of misery as carry a dreadful +certainty directly to the heart. What effect must they then have produced +on one, true to the touch of sympathy, and tortured by maternal +apprehension! + +Her infant's image was continually floating on Maria's sight, and the +first smile of intelligence remembered, as none but a mother, an unhappy +mother, can conceive. She heard her half speaking cooing, and felt the +little twinkling fingers on her burning bosom--a bosom bursting with the +nutriment for which this cherished child might now be pining in vain. +From a stranger she could indeed receive the maternal aliment, Maria was +grieved at the thought--but who would watch her with a mother's +tenderness, a mother's self-denial? + +The retreating shadows of former sorrows rushed back in a gloomy train, +and seemed to be pictured on the walls of her prison, magnified by the +state of mind in which they were viewed--Still she mourned for her child, +lamented she was a daughter, and anticipated the aggravated ills of life +that her sex rendered almost inevitable, even while dreading she was no +more. To think that she was blotted out of existence was agony, when the +imagination had been long employed to expand her faculties; yet to +suppose her turned adrift on an unknown sea, was scarcely less +afflicting. + +After being two days the prey of impetuous, varying emotions, Maria began +to reflect more calmly on her present situation, for she had actually +been rendered incapable of sober reflection, by the discovery of the act +of atrocity of which she was the victim. She could not have imagined, +that, in all the fermentation of civilized depravity, a similar plot +could have entered a human mind. She had been stunned by an unexpected +blow; yet life, however joyless, was not to be indolently resigned, or +misery endured without exertion, and proudly termed patience. She had +hitherto meditated only to point the dart of anguish, and suppressed the +heart heavings of indignant nature merely by the force of contempt. Now +she endeavoured to brace her mind to fortitude, and to ask herself what +was to be her employment in her dreary cell? Was it not to effect her +escape, to fly to the succour of her child, and to baffle the selfish +schemes of her tyrant--her husband? + +These thoughts roused her sleeping spirit, and the self-possession +returned, that seemed to have abandoned her in the infernal solitude into +which she had been precipitated. The first emotions of overwhelming +impatience began to subside, and resentment gave place to tenderness, and +more tranquil meditation; though anger once more stopt the calm current +of reflection, when she attempted to move her manacled arms. But this +was an outrage that could only excite momentary feelings of scorn, which +evaporated in a faint smile; for Maria was far from thinking a personal +insult the most difficult to endure with magnanimous indifference. + +She approached the small grated window of her chamber, and for a +considerable time only regarded the blue expanse; though it commanded a +view of a desolate garden, and of part of a huge pile of buildings, that, +after having been suffered, for half a century, to fall to decay, had +undergone some clumsy repairs, merely to render it habitable. The ivy had +been torn off the turrets, and the stones not wanted to patch up the +breaches of time, and exclude the warring elements, left in heaps in the +disordered court. Maria contemplated this scene she knew not how long; or +rather gazed on the walls, and pondered on her situation. To the master +of this most horrid of prisons, she had, soon after her entrance, raved +of injustice, in accents that would have justified his treatment, had not +a malignant smile, when she appealed to his judgment, with a dreadful +conviction stifled her remonstrating complaints. By force, or openly, +what could be done? But surely some expedient might occur to an active +mind, without any other employment, and possessed of sufficient +resolution to put the risk of life into the balance with the chance of +freedom. + +A woman entered in the midst of these reflections, with a firm, +deliberate step, strongly marked features, and large black eyes, which +she fixed steadily on Maria's, as if she designed to intimidate her, +saying at the same time--"You had better sit down and eat your dinner, +than look at the clouds." + +"I have no appetite," replied Maria, who had previously determined to +speak mildly, "why then should I eat?" + +"But, in spite of that, you must and shall eat something. I have had many +ladies under my care, who have resolved to starve themselves; but, soon +or late, they gave up their intent, as they recovered their senses." + +"Do you really think me mad?" asked Maria, meeting the searching glance +of her eye. + +"Not just now. But what does that prove?--only that you must be the more +carefully watched, for appearing at times so reasonable. You have not +touched a morsel since you entered the house."--Maria sighed +intelligibly.--"Could any thing but madness produce such a disgust for +food?" + +"Yes, grief; you would not ask the question if you knew what it was." The +attendant shook her head; and a ghastly smile of desperate fortitude +served as a forcible reply, and made Maria pause, before she added--"Yet +I will take some refreshment: I mean not to die.--No; I will preserve my +senses; and convince even you, sooner than you are aware of, that my +intellects have never been disturbed, though the exertion of them may +have been suspended by some infernal drug." + +Doubt gathered still thicker on the brow of her guard, as she attempted +to convict her of mistake. + +"Have patience!" exclaimed Maria, with a solemnity that inspired awe. "My +God! how have I been schooled into the practice!" A suffocation of voice +betrayed the agonizing emotions she was labouring to keep down; and +conquering a qualm of disgust, she calmly endeavoured to eat enough to +prove her docility, perpetually turning to the suspicious female, whose +observation she courted, while she was making the bed and adjusting the +room. + +"Come to me often," said Maria, with a tone of persuasion, in consequence +of a vague plan that she had hastily adopted, when, after surveying this +woman's form and features, she felt convinced that she had an +understanding above the common standard; "and believe me mad, till you +are obliged to acknowledge the contrary." The woman was no fool, that is, +she was superior to her class; nor had misery quite petrified the +life's-blood of humanity, to which reflections on our own misfortunes +only give a more orderly course. The manner, rather than the +expostulations, of Maria made a slight suspicion dart into her mind with +corresponding sympathy, which various other avocations, and the habit of +banishing compunction, prevented her, for the present, from examining +more minutely. + +But when she was told that no person, excepting the physician appointed +by her family, was to be permitted to see the lady at the end of the +gallery, she opened her keen eyes still wider, and uttered a--"hem!" +before she enquired--"Why?" She was briefly told, in reply, that the +malady was hereditary, and the fits not occurring but at very long and +irregular intervals, she must be carefully watched; for the length of +these lucid periods only rendered her more mischievous, when any vexation +or caprice brought on the paroxysm of phrensy. + +Had her master trusted her, it is probable that neither pity nor +curiosity would have made her swerve from the straight line of her +interest; for she had suffered too much in her intercourse with mankind, +not to determine to look for support, rather to humouring their passions, +than courting their approbation by the integrity of her conduct. A deadly +blight had met her at the very threshold of existence; and the +wretchedness of her mother seemed a heavy weight fastened on her innocent +neck, to drag her down to perdition. She could not heroically determine +to succour an unfortunate; but, offended at the bare supposition that she +could be deceived with the same ease as a common servant, she no longer +curbed her curiosity; and, though she never seriously fathomed her own +intentions, she would sit, every moment she could steal from observation, +listening to the tale, which Maria was eager to relate with all the +persuasive eloquence of grief. + +It is so cheering to see a human face, even if little of the divinity of +virtue beam in it, that Maria anxiously expected the return of the +attendant, as of a gleam of light to break the gloom of idleness. +Indulged sorrow; she perceived, must blunt or sharpen the faculties to +the two opposite extremes; producing stupidity, the moping melancholy of +indolence; or the restless activity of a disturbed imagination. She sunk +into one state, after being fatigued by the other: till the want of +occupation became even more painful than the actual pressure or +apprehension of sorrow; and the confinement that froze her into a nook of +existence, with an unvaried prospect before her, the most insupportable +of evils. The lamp of life seemed to be spending itself to chase the +vapours of a dungeon which no art could dissipate.--And to what purpose +did she rally all her energy?--Was not the world a vast prison, and women +born slaves? + +Though she failed immediately to rouse a lively sense of injustice in the +mind of her guard, because it had been sophisticated into misanthropy, +she touched her heart. Jemima (she had only a claim to a Christian name, +which had not procured her any Christian privileges) could patiently hear +of Maria's confinement on false pretences; she had felt the crushing hand +of power, hardened by the exercise of injustice, and ceased to wonder at +the perversions of the understanding, which systematize oppression; but, +when told that her child, only four months old, had been torn from her, +even while she was discharging the tenderest maternal office, the woman +awoke in a bosom long estranged from feminine emotions, and Jemima +determined to alleviate all in her power, without hazarding the loss of +her place, the sufferings of a wretched mother, apparently injured, and +certainly unhappy. A sense of right seems to result from the simplest act +of reason, and to preside over the faculties of the mind, like the +master-sense of feeling, to rectify the rest; but (for the comparison may +be carried still farther) how often is the exquisite sensibility of both +weakened or destroyed by the vulgar occupations, and ignoble pleasures of +life? + +The preserving her situation was, indeed, an important object to Jemima, +who had been hunted from hole to hole, as if she had been a beast of +prey, or infected with a moral plague. The wages she received, the +greater part of which she hoarded, as her only chance for independence, +were much more considerable than she could reckon on obtaining any where +else, were it possible that she, an outcast from society, could be +permitted to earn a subsistence in a reputable family. Hearing Maria +perpetually complain of listlessness, and the not being able to beguile +grief by resuming her customary pursuits, she was easily prevailed on, by +compassion, and that involuntary respect for abilities, which those who +possess them can never eradicate, to bring her some books and implements +for writing. Maria's conversation had amused and interested her, and the +natural consequence was a desire, scarcely observed by herself, of +obtaining the esteem of a person she admired. The remembrance of better +days was rendered more lively; and the sentiments then acquired appearing +less romantic than they had for a long period, a spark of hope roused +her mind to new activity. + +How grateful was her attention to Maria! Oppressed by a dead weight of +existence, or preyed on by the gnawing worm of discontent, with what +eagerness did she endeavour to shorten the long days, which left no +traces behind! She seemed to be sailing on the vast ocean of life, +without seeing any land-mark to indicate the progress of time; to find +employment was then to find variety, the animating principle of nature. + + + + +CHAP. II. + + +EARNESTLY as Maria endeavoured to soothe, by reading, the anguish of her +wounded mind, her thoughts would often wander from the subject she was +led to discuss, and tears of maternal tenderness obscured the reasoning +page. She descanted on "the ills which flesh is heir to," with +bitterness, when the recollection of her babe was revived by a tale of +fictitious woe, that bore any resemblance to her own; and her imagination +was continually employed, to conjure up and embody the various phantoms +of misery, which folly and vice had let loose on the world. The loss of +her babe was the tender string; against other cruel remembrances she +laboured to steel her bosom; and even a ray of hope, in the midst of her +gloomy reveries, would sometimes gleam on the dark horizon of futurity, +while persuading herself that she ought to cease to hope, since happiness +was no where to be found.--But of her child, debilitated by the grief +with which its mother had been assailed before it saw the light, she +could not think without an impatient struggle. + +"I, alone, by my active tenderness, could have saved," she would exclaim, +"from an early blight, this sweet blossom; and, cherishing it, I should +have had something still to love." + +In proportion as other expectations were torn from her, this tender one +had been fondly clung to, and knit into her heart. + +The books she had obtained, were soon devoured, by one who had no other +resource to escape from sorrow, and the feverish dreams of ideal +wretchedness or felicity, which equally weaken the intoxicated +sensibility. Writing was then the only alternative, and she wrote some +rhapsodies descriptive of the state of her mind; but the events of her +past life pressing on her, she resolved circumstantially to relate them, +with the sentiments that experience, and more matured reason, would +naturally suggest. They might perhaps instruct her daughter, and shield +her from the misery, the tyranny, her mother knew not how to avoid. + +This thought gave life to her diction, her soul flowed into it, and she +soon found the task of recollecting almost obliterated impressions very +interesting. She lived again in the revived emotions of youth, and +forgot her present in the retrospect of sorrows that had assumed an +unalterable character. + +Though this employment lightened the weight of time, yet, never losing +sight of her main object, Maria did not allow any opportunity to slip of +winning on the affections of Jemima; for she discovered in her a strength +of mind, that excited her esteem, clouded as it was by the misanthropy of +despair. + +An insulated being, from the misfortune of her birth, she despised and +preyed on the society by which she had been oppressed, and loved not her +fellow-creatures, because she had never been beloved. No mother had ever +fondled her, no father or brother had protected her from outrage; and the +man who had plunged her into infamy, and deserted her when she stood in +greatest need of support, deigned not to smooth with kindness the road to +ruin. Thus degraded, was she let loose on the world; and virtue, never +nurtured by affection, assumed the stern aspect of selfish independence. + +This general view of her life, Maria gathered from her exclamations and +dry remarks. Jemima indeed displayed a strange mixture of interest and +suspicion; for she would listen to her with earnestness, and then +suddenly interrupt the conversation, as if afraid of resigning, by giving +way to her sympathy, her dear-bought knowledge of the world. + +Maria alluded to the possibility of an escape, and mentioned a +compensation, or reward; but the style in which she was repulsed made her +cautious, and determine not to renew the subject, till she knew more of +the character she had to work on. Jemima's countenance, and dark hints, +seemed to say, "You are an extraordinary woman; but let me consider, this +may only be one of your lucid intervals." Nay, the very energy of Maria's +character, made her suspect that the extraordinary animation she +perceived might be the effect of madness. "Should her husband then +substantiate his charge, and get possession of her estate, from whence +would come the promised annuity, or more desired protection? Besides, +might not a woman, anxious to escape, conceal some of the circumstances +which made against her? Was truth to be expected from one who had been +entrapped, kidnapped, in the most fraudulent manner?" + +In this train Jemima continued to argue, the moment after compassion and +respect seemed to make her swerve; and she still resolved not to be +wrought on to do more than soften the rigour of confinement, till she +could advance on surer ground. + +Maria was not permitted to walk in the garden; but sometimes, from her +window, she turned her eyes from the gloomy walls, in which she pined +life away, on the poor wretches who strayed along the walks, and +contemplated the most terrific of ruins--that of a human soul. What is +the view of the fallen column, the mouldering arch, of the most exquisite +workmanship, when compared with this living memento of the fragility, the +instability, of reason, and the wild luxuriancy of noxious passions? +Enthusiasm turned adrift, like some rich stream overflowing its banks, +rushes forward with destructive velocity, inspiring a sublime +concentration of thought. Thus thought Maria--These are the ravages over +which humanity must ever mournfully ponder, with a degree of anguish not +excited by crumbling marble, or cankering brass, unfaithful to the trust +of monumental fame. It is not over the decaying productions of the mind, +embodied with the happiest art, we grieve most bitterly. The view of what +has been done by man, produces a melancholy, yet aggrandizing, sense of +what remains to be achieved by human intellect; but a mental convulsion, +which, like the devastation of an earthquake, throws all the elements of +thought and imagination into confusion, makes contemplation giddy, and +we fearfully ask on what ground we ourselves stand. + +Melancholy and imbecility marked the features of the wretches allowed to +breathe at large; for the frantic, those who in a strong imagination had +lost a sense of woe, were closely confined. The playful tricks and +mischievous devices of their disturbed fancy, that suddenly broke out, +could not be guarded against, when they were permitted to enjoy any +portion of freedom; for, so active was their imagination, that every new +object which accidentally struck their senses, awoke to phrenzy their +restless passions; as Maria learned from the burden of their incessant +ravings. + +Sometimes, with a strict injunction of silence, Jemima would allow +Maria, at the close of evening, to stray along the narrow avenues that +separated the dungeon-like apartments, leaning on her arm. What a change +of scene! Maria wished to pass the threshold of her prison, yet, when by +chance she met the eye of rage glaring on her, yet unfaithful to its +office, she shrunk back with more horror and affright, than if she had +stumbled over a mangled corpse. Her busy fancy pictured the misery of a +fond heart, watching over a friend thus estranged, absent, though +present--over a poor wretch lost to reason and the social joys of +existence; and losing all consciousness of misery in its excess. What a +task, to watch the light of reason quivering in the eye, or with +agonizing expectation to catch the beam of recollection; tantalized by +hope, only to feel despair more keenly, at finding a much loved face or +voice, suddenly remembered, or pathetically implored, only to be +immediately forgotten, or viewed with indifference or abhorrence! + +The heart-rending sigh of melancholy sunk into her soul; and when she +retired to rest, the petrified figures she had encountered, the only +human forms she was doomed to observe, haunting her dreams with tales of +mysterious wrongs, made her wish to sleep to dream no more. + +Day after day rolled away, and tedious as the present moment appeared, +they passed in such an unvaried tenor, Maria was surprised to find that +she had already been six weeks buried alive, and yet had such faint hopes +of effecting her enlargement. She was, earnestly as she had sought for +employment, now angry with herself for having been amused by writing her +narrative; and grieved to think that she had for an instant thought of +any thing, but contriving to escape. + +Jemima had evidently pleasure in her society: still, though she often +left her with a glow of kindness, she returned with the same chilling +air; and, when her heart appeared for a moment to open, some suggestion +of reason forcibly closed it, before she could give utterance to the +confidence Maria's conversation inspired. + +Discouraged by these changes, Maria relapsed into despondency, when she +was cheered by the alacrity with which Jemima brought her a fresh parcel +of books; assuring her, that she had taken some pains to obtain them from +one of the keepers, who attended a gentleman confined in the opposite +corner of the gallery. + +Maria took up the books with emotion. "They come," said she, "perhaps, +from a wretch condemned, like me, to reason on the nature of madness, by +having wrecked minds continually under his eye; and almost to wish +himself--as I do--mad, to escape from the contemplation of it." Her heart +throbbed with sympathetic alarm; and she turned over the leaves with awe, +as if they had become sacred from passing through the hands of an +unfortunate being, oppressed by a similar fate. + +Dryden's Fables, Milton's Paradise Lost, with several modern productions, +composed the collection. It was a mine of treasure. Some marginal notes, +in Dryden's Fables, caught her attention: they were written with force +and taste; and, in one of the modern pamphlets, there was a fragment +left, containing various observations on the present state of society and +government, with a comparative view of the politics of Europe and +America. These remarks were written with a degree of generous warmth, +when alluding to the enslaved state of the labouring majority, perfectly +in unison with Maria's mode of thinking. + +She read them over and over again; and fancy, treacherous fancy, began to +sketch a character, congenial with her own, from these shadowy +outlines.--"Was he mad?" She re-perused the marginal notes, and they +seemed the production of an animated, but not of a disturbed imagination. +Confined to this speculation, every time she re-read them, some fresh +refinement of sentiment, or acuteness of thought impressed her, which +she was astonished at herself for not having before observed. + +What a creative power has an affectionate heart! There are beings who +cannot live without loving, as poets love; and who feel the electric +spark of genius, wherever it awakens sentiment or grace. Maria had often +thought, when disciplining her wayward heart, "that to charm, was to be +virtuous." "They who make me wish to appear the most amiable and good in +their eyes, must possess in a degree," she would exclaim, "the graces and +virtues they call into action." + +She took up a book on the powers of the human mind; but, her attention +strayed from cold arguments on the nature of what she felt, while she +was feeling, and she snapt the chain of the theory to read Dryden's +Guiscard and Sigismunda. + +Maria, in the course of the ensuing day, returned some of the books, with +the hope of getting others--and more marginal notes. Thus shut out from +human intercourse, and compelled to view nothing but the prison of vexed +spirits, to meet a wretch in the same situation, was more surely to find +a friend, than to imagine a countryman one, in a strange land, where the +human voice conveys no information to the eager ear. + +"Did you ever see the unfortunate being to whom these books belong?" +asked Maria, when Jemima brought her supper. "Yes. He sometimes walks +out, between five and six, before the family is stirring, in the +morning, with two keepers; but even then his hands are confined." + +"What! is he so unruly?" enquired Maria, with an accent of +disappointment. + +"No, not that I perceive," replied Jemima; "but he has an untamed look, a +vehemence of eye, that excites apprehension. Were his hands free, he +looks as if he could soon manage both his guards: yet he appears +tranquil." + +"If he be so strong, he must be young," observed Maria. + +"Three or four and thirty, I suppose; but there is no judging of a person +in his situation." + +"Are you sure that he is mad?" interrupted Maria with eagerness. Jemima +quitted the room, without replying. + +"No, no, he certainly is not!" exclaimed Maria, answering herself; "the +man who could write those observations was not disordered in his +intellects." + +She sat musing, gazing at the moon, and watching its motion as it seemed +to glide under the clouds. Then, preparing for bed, she thought, "Of what +use could I be to him, or he to me, if it be true that he is unjustly +confined?--Could he aid me to escape, who is himself more closely +watched?--Still I should like to see him." She went to bed, dreamed of +her child, yet woke exactly at half after five o'clock, and starting up, +only wrapped a gown around her, and ran to the window. The morning was +chill, it was the latter end of September; yet she did not retire to warm +herself and think in bed, till the sound of the servants, moving about +the house, convinced her that the unknown would not walk in the garden +that morning. She was ashamed at feeling disappointed; and began to +reflect, as an excuse to herself, on the little objects which attract +attention when there is nothing to divert the mind; and how difficult it +was for women to avoid growing romantic, who have no active duties or +pursuits. + +At breakfast, Jemima enquired whether she understood French? for, unless +she did, the stranger's stock of books was exhausted. Maria replied in +the affirmative; but forbore to ask any more questions respecting the +person to whom they belonged. And Jemima gave her a new subject for +contemplation, by describing the person of a lovely maniac, just brought +into an adjoining chamber. She was singing the pathetic ballad of old Rob + with the most heart-melting falls and pauses. Jemima had +half-opened the door, when she distinguished her voice, and Maria stood +close to it, scarcely daring to respire, lest a modulation should escape +her, so exquisitely sweet, so passionately wild. She began with sympathy +to pourtray to herself another victim, when the lovely warbler flew, as +it were, from the spray, and a torrent of unconnected exclamations and +questions burst from her, interrupted by fits of laughter, so horrid, +that Maria shut the door, and, turning her eyes up to heaven, +exclaimed--"Gracious God!" + +Several minutes elapsed before Maria could enquire respecting the rumour +of the house (for this poor wretch was obviously not confined without a +cause); and then Jemima could only tell her, that it was said, "she had +been married, against her inclination, to a rich old man, extremely +jealous (no wonder, for she was a charming creature); and that, in +consequence of his treatment, or something which hung on her mind, she +had, during her first lying-in, lost her senses." + +What a subject of meditation--even to the very confines of madness. + +"Woman, fragile flower! why were you suffered to adorn a world exposed to +the inroad of such stormy elements?" thought Maria, while the poor +maniac's strain was still breathing on her ear, and sinking into her very +soul. + +Towards the evening, Jemima brought her Rousseau's _Heloïse_; and she sat +reading with eyes and heart, till the return of her guard to extinguish +the light. One instance of her kindness was, the permitting Maria to have +one, till her own hour of retiring to rest. She had read this work long +since; but now it seemed to open a new world to her--the only one worth +inhabiting. Sleep was not to be wooed; yet, far from being fatigued by +the restless rotation of thought, she rose and opened her window, just as +the thin watery clouds of twilight made the long silent shadows visible. +The air swept across her face with a voluptuous freshness that thrilled +to her heart, awakening indefinable emotions; and the sound of a waving +branch, or the twittering of a startled bird, alone broke the stillness +of reposing nature. Absorbed by the sublime sensibility which renders the +consciousness of existence felicity, Maria was happy, till an autumnal +scent, wafted by the breeze of morn from the fallen leaves of the +adjacent wood, made her recollect that the season had changed since her +confinement; yet life afforded no variety to solace an afflicted heart. +She returned dispirited to her couch, and thought of her child till the +broad glare of day again invited her to the window. She looked not for +the unknown, still how great was her vexation at perceiving the back of a +man, certainly he, with his two attendants, as he turned into a side-path +which led to the house! A confused recollection of having seen somebody +who resembled him, immediately occurred, to puzzle and torment her with +endless conjectures. Five minutes sooner, and she should have seen his +face, and been out of suspense--was ever any thing so unlucky! His +steady, bold step, and the whole air of his person, bursting as it were +from a cloud, pleased her, and gave an outline to the imagination to +sketch the individual form she wished to recognize. + +Feeling the disappointment more severely than she was willing to believe, +she flew to Rousseau, as her only refuge from the idea of him, who might +prove a friend, could she but find a way to interest him in her fate; +still the personification of Saint Preux, or of an ideal lover far +superior, was after this imperfect model, of which merely a glance had +been caught, even to the minutiæ of the coat and hat of the stranger. +But if she lent St. Preux, or the demi-god of her fancy, his form, she +richly repaid him by the donation of all St. Preux's sentiments and +feelings, culled to gratify her own, to which he seemed to have an +undoubted right, when she read on the margin of an impassioned letter, +written in the well-known hand--"Rousseau alone, the true Prometheus of +sentiment, possessed the fire of genius necessary to pourtray the +passion, the truth of which goes so directly to the heart." + +Maria was again true to the hour, yet had finished Rousseau, and begun to +transcribe some selected passages; unable to quit either the author or +the window, before she had a glimpse of the countenance she daily longed +to see; and, when seen, it conveyed no distinct idea to her mind where +she had seen it before. He must have been a transient acquaintance; but +to discover an acquaintance was fortunate, could she contrive to attract +his attention, and excite his sympathy. + +Every glance afforded colouring for the picture she was delineating on +her heart; and once, when the window was half open, the sound of his +voice reached her. Conviction flashed on her; she had certainly, in a +moment of distress, heard the same accents. They were manly, and +characteristic of a noble mind; nay, even sweet--or sweet they seemed to +her attentive ear. + +She started back, trembling, alarmed at the emotion a strange coincidence +of circumstances inspired, and wondering why she thought so much of a +stranger, obliged as she had been by his timely interference; [for she +recollected, by degrees, all the circumstances of their former meeting.] +She found however that she could think of nothing else; or, if she +thought of her daughter, it was to wish that she had a father whom her +mother could respect and love. + + + + +CHAP. III. + + +WHEN perusing the first parcel of books, Maria had, with her pencil, +written in one of them a few exclamations, expressive of compassion and +sympathy, which she scarcely remembered, till turning over the leaves of +one of the volumes, lately brought to her, a slip of paper dropped out, +which Jemima hastily snatched up. + +"Let me see it," demanded Maria impatiently, "You surely are not afraid +of trusting me with the effusions of a madman?" "I must consider," +replied Jemima; and withdrew, with the paper in her hand. + +In a life of such seclusion, the passions gain undue force; Maria +therefore felt a great degree of resentment and vexation, which she had +not time to subdue, before Jemima, returning, delivered the paper. + + "Whoever you are, who partake of my fate, accept my sincere + commiseration--I would have said protection; but the privilege of + man is denied me. + + "My own situation forces a dreadful suspicion on my mind--I may + not always languish in vain for freedom--say are you--I cannot + ask the question; yet I will remember you when my remembrance can + be of any use. I will enquire, _why_ you are so mysteriously + detained--and I _will_ have an answer. + + "HENRY DARNFORD." + +By the most pressing intreaties, Maria prevailed on Jemima to permit her +to write a reply to this note. Another and another succeeded, in which +explanations were not allowed relative to their present situation; but +Maria, with sufficient explicitness, alluded to a former obligation; and +they insensibly entered on an interchange of sentiments on the most +important subjects. To write these letters was the business of the day, +and to receive them the moment of sunshine. By some means, Darnford +having discovered Maria's window, when she next appeared at it, he made +her, behind his keepers, a profound bow of respect and recognition. + +Two or three weeks glided away in this kind of intercourse, during which +period Jemima, to whom Maria had given the necessary information +respecting her family, had evidently gained some intelligence, which +increased her desire of pleasing her charge, though she could not yet +determine to liberate her. Maria took advantage of this favourable +charge, without too minutely enquiring into the cause; and such was her +eagerness to hold human converse, and to see her former protector, still +a stranger to her, that she incessantly requested her guard to gratify +her more than curiosity. + +Writing to Darnford, she was led from the sad objects before her, and +frequently rendered insensible to the horrid noises around her, which +previously had continually employed her feverish fancy. Thinking it +selfish to dwell on her own sufferings, when in the midst of wretches, +who had not only lost all that endears life, but their very selves, her +imagination was occupied with melancholy earnestness to trace the mazes +of misery, through which so many wretches must have passed to this gloomy +receptacle of disjointed souls, to the grand source of human corruption. +Often at midnight was she waked by the dismal shrieks of demoniac rage, +or of excruciating despair, uttered in such wild tones of indescribable +anguish as proved the total absence of reason, and roused phantoms of +horror in her mind, far more terrific than all that dreaming superstition +ever drew. Besides, there was frequently something so inconceivably +picturesque in the varying gestures of unrestrained passion, so +irresistibly comic in their sallies, or so heart-piercingly pathetic in +the little airs they would sing, frequently bursting out after an awful +silence, as to fascinate the attention, and amuse the fancy, while +torturing the soul. It was the uproar of the passions which she was +compelled to observe; and to mark the lucid beam of reason, like a light +trembling in a socket, or like the flash which divides the threatening +clouds of angry heaven only to display the horrors which darkness +shrouded. + +Jemima would labour to beguile the tedious evenings, by describing the +persons and manners of the unfortunate beings, whose figures or voices +awoke sympathetic sorrow in Maria's bosom; and the stories she told were +the more interesting, for perpetually leaving room to conjecture +something extraordinary. Still Maria, accustomed to generalize her +observations, was led to conclude from all she heard, that it was a +vulgar error to suppose that people of abilities were the most apt to +lose the command of reason. On the contrary, from most of the instances +she could investigate, she thought it resulted, that the passions only +appeared strong and disproportioned, because the judgment was weak and +unexercised; and that they gained strength by the decay of reason, as the +shadows lengthen during the sun's decline. + +Maria impatiently wished to see her fellow-sufferer; but Darnford was +still more earnest to obtain an interview. Accustomed to submit to every +impulse of passion, and never taught, like women, to restrain the most +natural, and acquire, instead of the bewitching frankness of nature, a +factitious propriety of behaviour, every desire became a torrent that +bore down all opposition. + +His travelling trunk, which contained the books lent to Maria, had been +sent to him, and with a part of its contents he bribed his principal +keeper; who, after receiving the most solemn promise that he would return +to his apartment without attempting to explore any part of the house, +conducted him, in the dusk of the evening, to Maria's room. + +Jemima had apprized her charge of the visit, and she expected with +trembling impatience, inspired by a vague hope that he might again prove +her deliverer, to see a man who had before rescued her from oppression. +He entered with an animation of countenance, formed to captivate an +enthusiast; and, hastily turned his eyes from her to the apartment, which +he surveyed with apparent emotions of compassionate indignation. +Sympathy illuminated his eye, and, taking her hand, he respectfully bowed +on it, exclaiming--"This is extraordinary!--again to meet you, and in +such circumstances!" Still, impressive as was the coincidence of events +which brought them once more together, their full hearts did not +overflow.--[54-A] + + * * * * * + +[And though, after this first visit, they were permitted frequently to +repeat their interviews, they were for some time employed in] a reserved +conversation, to which all the world might have listened; excepting, +when discussing some literary subject, flashes of sentiment, inforced by +each relaxing feature, seemed to remind them that their minds were +already acquainted. + +[By degrees, Darnford entered into the particulars of his story.] In a +few words, he informed her that he had been a thoughtless, extravagant +young man; yet, as he described his faults, they appeared to be the +generous luxuriancy of a noble mind. Nothing like meanness tarnished the +lustre of his youth, nor had the worm of selfishness lurked in the +unfolding bud, even while he had been the dupe of others. Yet he tardily +acquired the experience necessary to guard him against future imposition. + +"I shall weary you," continued he, "by my egotism; and did not powerful +emotions draw me to you,"--his eyes glistened as he spoke, and a +trembling seemed to run through his manly frame,--"I would not waste +these precious moments in talking of myself. + +"My father and mother were people of fashion; married by their parents. +He was fond of the turf, she of the card-table. I, and two or three other +children since dead, were kept at home till we became intolerable. My +father and mother had a visible dislike to each other, continually +displayed; the servants were of the depraved kind usually found in the +houses of people of fortune. My brothers and parents all dying, I was +left to the care of guardians, and sent to Eton. I never knew the sweets +of domestic affection, but I felt the want of indulgence and frivolous +respect at school. I will not disgust you with a recital of the vices of +my youth, which can scarcely be comprehended by female delicacy. I was +taught to love by a creature I am ashamed to mention; and the other women +with whom I afterwards became intimate, were of a class of which you can +have no knowledge. I formed my acquaintance with them at the theatres; +and, when vivacity danced in their eyes, I was not easily disgusted by +the vulgarity which flowed from their lips. Having spent, a few years +after I was of age, [the whole of] a considerable patrimony, excepting a +few hundreds, I had no recourse but to purchase a commission in a +new-raised regiment, destined to subjugate America. The regret I felt to +renounce a life of pleasure, was counter-balanced by the curiosity I had +to see America, or rather to travel; [nor had any of those circumstances +occurred to my youth, which might have been calculated] to bind my +country to my heart. I shall not trouble you with the details of a +military life. My blood was still kept in motion; till, towards the close +of the contest, I was wounded and taken prisoner. + +"Confined to my bed, or chair, by a lingering cure, my only refuge from +the preying activity of my mind, was books, which I read with great +avidity, profiting by the conversation of my host, a man of sound +understanding. My political sentiments now underwent a total change; and, +dazzled by the hospitality of the Americans, I determined to take up my +abode with freedom. I, therefore, with my usual impetuosity, sold my +commission, and travelled into the interior parts of the country, to lay +out my money to advantage. Added to this, I did not much like the +puritanical manners of the large towns. Inequality of condition was there +most disgustingly galling. The only pleasure wealth afforded, was to make +an ostentatious display of it; for the cultivation of the fine arts, or +literature, had not introduced into the first circles that polish of +manners which renders the rich so essentially superior to the poor in +Europe. Added to this, an influx of vices had been let in by the +Revolution, and the most rigid principles of religion shaken to the +centre, before the understanding could be gradually emancipated from the +prejudices which led their ancestors undauntedly to seek an inhospitable +clime and unbroken soil. The resolution, that led them, in pursuit of +independence, to embark on rivers like seas, to search for unknown +shores, and to sleep under the hovering mists of endless forests, whose +baleful damps agued their limbs, was now turned into commercial +speculations, till the national character exhibited a phenomenon in the +history of the human mind--a head enthusiastically enterprising, with +cold selfishness of heart. And woman, lovely woman!--they charm every +where--still there is a degree of prudery, and a want of taste and ease +in the manners of the American women, that renders them, in spite of +their roses and lilies, far inferior to our European charmers. In the +country, they have often a bewitching simplicity of character; but, in +the cities, they have all the airs and ignorance of the ladies who give +the tone to the circles of the large trading towns in England. They are +fond of their ornaments, merely because they are good, and not because +they embellish their persons; and are more gratified to inspire the women +with jealousy of these exterior advantages, than the men with love. All +the frivolity which often (excuse me, Madam) renders the society of +modest women so stupid in England, here seemed to throw still more leaden +fetters on their charms. Not being an adept in gallantry, I found that I +could only keep myself awake in their company by making downright love to +them. + +"But, not to intrude on your patience, I retired to the track of land +which I had purchased in the country, and my time passed pleasantly +enough while I cut down the trees, built my house, and planted my +different crops. But winter and idleness came, and I longed for more +elegant society, to hear what was passing in the world, and to do +something better than vegetate with the animals that made a very +considerable part of my household. Consequently, I determined to travel. +Motion was a substitute for variety of objects; and, passing over immense +tracks of country, I exhausted my exuberant spirits, without obtaining +much experience. I every where saw industry the fore-runner and not the +consequence, of luxury; but this country, every thing being on an ample +scale, did not afford those picturesque views, which a certain degree of +cultivation is necessary gradually to produce. The eye wandered without +an object to fix upon over immeasureable plains, and lakes that seemed +replenished by the ocean, whilst eternal forests of small clustering +trees, obstructed the circulation of air, and embarrassed the path, +without gratifying the eye of taste. No cottage smiling in the waste, no +travellers hailed us, to give life to silent nature; or, if perchance we +saw the print of a footstep in our path, it was a dreadful warning to +turn aside; and the head ached as if assailed by the scalping knife. The +Indians who hovered on the skirts of the European settlements had only +learned of their neighbours to plunder, and they stole their guns from +them to do it with more safety. + +"From the woods and back settlements, I returned to the towns, and +learned to eat and drink most valiantly; but without entering into +commerce (and I detested commerce) I found I could not live there; and, +growing heartily weary of the land of liberty and vulgar aristocracy, +seated on her bags of dollars, I resolved once more to visit Europe. I +wrote to a distant relation in England, with whom I had been educated, +mentioning the vessel in which I intended to sail. Arriving in London, my +senses were intoxicated. I ran from street to street, from theatre to +theatre, and the women of the town (again I must beg pardon for my +habitual frankness) appeared to me like angels. + +"A week was spent in this thoughtless manner, when, returning very late +to the hotel in which I had lodged ever since my arrival, I was knocked +down in a private street, and hurried, in a state of insensibility, into +a coach, which brought me hither, and I only recovered my senses to be +treated like one who had lost them. My keepers are deaf to my +remonstrances and enquiries, yet assure me that my confinement shall not +last long. Still I cannot guess, though I weary myself with conjectures, +why I am confined, or in what part of England this house is situated. I +imagine sometimes that I hear the sea roar, and wished myself again on +the Atlantic, till I had a glimpse of you[65-A]." + +A few moments were only allowed to Maria to comment on this narrative, +when Darnford left her to her own thoughts, to the "never ending, still +beginning," task of weighing his words, recollecting his tones of voice, +and feeling them reverberate on her heart. + +FOOTNOTES: + +[54-A] The copy which had received the author's last corrections, breaks +off in this place, and the pages which follow, to the end of Chap. IV, +are printed from a copy in a less finished state. + +[65-A] The introduction of Darnford as the deliverer of Maria in a former +instance, appears to have been an after-thought of the author. This has +occasioned the omission of any allusion to that circumstance in the +preceding narration. + +EDITOR. + + + + +CHAP. IV. + + +PITY, and the forlorn seriousness of adversity, have both been considered +as dispositions favourable to love, while satirical writers have +attributed the propensity to the relaxing effect of idleness, what chance +then had Maria of escaping, when pity, sorrow, and solitude all conspired +to soften her mind, and nourish romantic wishes, and, from a natural +progress, romantic expectations? + +Maria was six-and-twenty. But, such was the native soundness of her +constitution, that time had only given to her countenance the character +of her mind. Revolving thought, and exercised affections had banished +some of the playful graces of innocence, producing insensibly that +irregularity of features which the struggles of the understanding to +trace or govern the strong emotions of the heart, are wont to imprint on +the yielding mass. Grief and care had mellowed, without obscuring, the +bright tints of youth, and the thoughtfulness which resided on her brow +did not take from the feminine softness of her features; nay, such was +the sensibility which often mantled over it, that she frequently +appeared, like a large proportion of her sex, only born to feel; and the +activity of her well-proportioned, and even almost voluptuous figure, +inspired the idea of strength of mind, rather than of body. There was a +simplicity sometimes indeed in her manner, which bordered on infantine +ingenuousness, that led people of common discernment to underrate her +talents, and smile at the flights of her imagination. But those who could +not comprehend the delicacy of her sentiments, were attached by her +unfailing sympathy, so that she was very generally beloved by characters +of very different descriptions; still, she was too much under the +influence of an ardent imagination to adhere to common rules. + +There are mistakes of conduct which at five-and-twenty prove the strength +of the mind, that, ten or fifteen years after, would demonstrate its +weakness, its incapacity to acquire a sane judgment. The youths who are +satisfied with the ordinary pleasures of life, and do not sigh after +ideal phantoms of love and friendship, will never arrive at great +maturity of understanding; but if these reveries are cherished, as is too +frequently the case with women, when experience ought to have taught +them in what human happiness consists, they become as useless as they are +wretched. Besides, their pains and pleasures are so dependent on outward +circumstances, on the objects of their affections, that they seldom act +from the impulse of a nerved mind, able to choose its own pursuit. + +Having had to struggle incessantly with the vices of mankind, Maria's +imagination found repose in pourtraying the possible virtues the world +might contain. Pygmalion formed an ivory maid, and longed for an +informing soul. She, on the contrary, combined all the qualities of a +hero's mind, and fate presented a statue in which she might enshrine +them. + +We mean not to trace the progress of this passion, or recount how often +Darnford and Maria were obliged to part in the midst of an interesting +conversation. Jemima ever watched on the tip-toe of fear, and frequently +separated them on a false alarm, when they would have given worlds to +remain a little longer together. + +A magic lamp now seemed to be suspended in Maria's prison, and fairy +landscapes flitted round the gloomy walls, late so blank. Rushing from +the depth of despair, on the seraph wing of hope, she found herself +happy.--She was beloved, and every emotion was rapturous. + +To Darnford she had not shown a decided affection; the fear of outrunning +his, a sure proof of love, made her often assume a coldness and +indifference foreign from her character; and, even when giving way to the +playful emotions of a heart just loosened from the frozen bond of grief, +there was a delicacy in her manner of expressing her sensibility, which +made him doubt whether it was the effect of love. + +One evening, when Jemima left them, to listen to the sound of a distant +footstep, which seemed cautiously to approach, he seized Maria's hand--it +was not withdrawn. They conversed with earnestness of their situation; +and, during the conversation, he once or twice gently drew her towards +him. He felt the fragrance of her breath, and longed, yet feared, to +touch the lips from which it issued; spirits of purity seemed to guard +them, while all the enchanting graces of love sported on her cheeks, and +languished in her eyes. + +Jemima entering, he reflected on his diffidence with poignant regret, +and, she once more taking alarm, he ventured, as Maria stood near his +chair, to approach her lips with a declaration of love. She drew back +with solemnity, he hung down his head abashed; but lifting his eyes +timidly, they met her's; she had determined, during that instant, and +suffered their rays to mingle. He took, with more ardour, reassured, a +half-consenting, half-reluctant kiss, reluctant only from modesty; and +there was a sacredness in her dignified manner of reclining her glowing +face on his shoulder, that powerfully impressed him. Desire was lost in +more ineffable emotions, and to protect her from insult and sorrow--to +make her happy, seemed not only the first wish of his heart, but the most +noble duty of his life. Such angelic confidence demanded the fidelity of +honour; but could he, feeling her in every pulsation, could he ever +change, could he be a villain? The emotion with which she, for a moment, +allowed herself to be pressed to his bosom, the tear of rapturous +sympathy, mingled with a soft melancholy sentiment of recollected +disappointment, said--more of truth and faithfulness, than the tongue +could have given utterance to in hours! They were silent--yet discoursed, +how eloquently? till, after a moment's reflection, Maria drew her chair +by the side of his, and, with a composed sweetness of voice, and +supernatural benignity of countenance, said, "I must open my whole heart +to you; you must be told who I am, why I am here, and why, telling you I +am a wife, I blush not to"--the blush spoke the rest. + +Jemima was again at her elbow, and the restraint of her presence did not +prevent an animated conversation, in which love, sly urchin, was ever at +bo-peep. + +So much of heaven did they enjoy, that paradise bloomed around them; or +they, by a powerful spell, had been transported into Armida's garden. +Love, the grand enchanter, "lapt them in Elysium," and every sense was +harmonized to joy and social extacy. So animated, indeed, were their +accents of tenderness, in discussing what, in other circumstances, would +have been common-place subjects, that Jemima felt, with surprise, a tear +of pleasure trickling down her rugged cheeks. She wiped it away, half +ashamed; and when Maria kindly enquired the cause, with all the eager +solicitude of a happy being wishing to impart to all nature its +overflowing felicity, Jemima owned that it was the first tear that social +enjoyment had ever drawn from her. She seemed indeed to breathe more +freely; the cloud of suspicion cleared away from her brow; she felt +herself, for once in her life, treated like a fellow-creature. + +Imagination! who can paint thy power; or reflect the evanescent tints of +hope fostered by thee? A despondent gloom had long obscured Maria's +horizon--now the sun broke forth, the rainbow appeared, and every +prospect was fair. Horror still reigned in the darkened cells, suspicion +lurked in the passages, and whispered along the walls. The yells of men +possessed, sometimes made them pause, and wonder that they felt so happy, +in a tomb of living death. They even chid themselves for such apparent +insensibility; still the world contained not three happier beings. And +Jemima, after again patrolling the passage, was so softened by the air of +confidence which breathed around her, that she voluntarily began an +account of herself. + + + + +CHAP. V. + + +"MY father," said Jemima, "seduced my mother, a pretty girl, with whom he +lived fellow-servant; and she no sooner perceived the natural, the +dreaded consequence, than the terrible conviction flashed on her--that +she was ruined. Honesty, and a regard for her reputation, had been the +only principles inculcated by her mother; and they had been so forcibly +impressed, that she feared shame, more than the poverty to which it would +lead. Her incessant importunities to prevail upon my father to screen her +from reproach by marrying her, as he had promised in the fervour of +seduction, estranged him from her so completely, that her very person +became distasteful to him; and he began to hate, as well as despise me, +before I was born. + +"My mother, grieved to the soul by his neglect, and unkind treatment, +actually resolved to famish herself; and injured her health by the +attempt; though she had not sufficient resolution to adhere to her +project, or renounce it entirely. Death came not at her call; yet sorrow, +and the methods she adopted to conceal her condition, still doing the +work of a house-maid, had such an effect on her constitution, that she +died in the wretched garret, where her virtuous mistress had forced her +to take refuge in the very pangs of labour, though my father, after a +slight reproof, was allowed to remain in his place--allowed by the mother +of six children, who, scarcely permitting a footstep to be heard, during +her month's indulgence, felt no sympathy for the poor wretch, denied +every comfort required by her situation. + +"The day my mother died, the ninth after my birth, I was consigned to the +care of the cheapest nurse my father could find; who suckled her own +child at the same time, and lodged as many more as she could get, in two +cellar-like apartments. + +"Poverty, and the habit of seeing children die off her hands, had so +hardened her heart, that the office of a mother did not awaken the +tenderness of a woman; nor were the feminine caresses which seem a part +of the rearing of a child, ever bestowed on me. The chicken has a wing to +shelter under; but I had no bosom to nestle in, no kindred warmth to +foster me. Left in dirt, to cry with cold and hunger till I was weary, +and sleep without ever being prepared by exercise, or lulled by kindness +to rest; could I be expected to become any thing but a weak and rickety +babe? Still, in spite of neglect, I continued to exist, to learn to curse +existence," her countenance grew ferocious as she spoke, "and the +treatment that rendered me miserable, seemed to sharpen my wits. Confined +then in a damp hovel, to rock the cradle of the succeeding tribe, I +looked like a little old woman, or a hag shrivelling into nothing. The +furrows of reflection and care contracted the youthful cheek, and gave a +sort of supernatural wildness to the ever watchful eye. During this +period, my father had married another fellow-servant, who loved him less, +and knew better how to manage his passion, than my mother. She likewise +proving with child, they agreed to keep a shop: my step-mother, if, being +an illegitimate offspring, I may venture thus to characterize her, having +obtained a sum of a rich relation, for that purpose. + +"Soon after her lying-in, she prevailed on my father to take me home, to +save the expence of maintaining me, and of hiring a girl to assist her in +the care of the child. I was young, it was true, but appeared a knowing +little thing, and might be made handy. Accordingly I was brought to her +house; but not to a home--for a home I never knew. Of this child, a +daughter, she was extravagantly fond; and it was a part of my employment, +to assist to spoil her, by humouring all her whims, and bearing all her +caprices. Feeling her own consequence, before she could speak, she had +learned the art of tormenting me, and if I ever dared to resist, I +received blows, laid on with no compunctious hand, or was sent to bed +dinnerless, as well as supperless. I said that it was a part of my daily +labour to attend this child, with the servility of a slave; still it was +but a part. I was sent out in all seasons, and from place to place, to +carry burdens far above my strength, without being allowed to draw near +the fire, or ever being cheered by encouragement or kindness. No wonder +then, treated like a creature of another species, that I began to envy, +and at length to hate, the darling of the house. Yet, I perfectly +remember, that it was the caresses, and kind expressions of my +step-mother, which first excited my jealous discontent. Once, I cannot +forget it, when she was calling in vain her wayward child to kiss her, I +ran to her, saying, 'I will kiss you, ma'am!' and how did my heart, which +was in my mouth, sink, what was my debasement of soul, when pushed away +with--'I do not want you, pert thing!' Another day, when a new gown had +excited the highest good humour, and she uttered the appropriate _dear_, +addressed unexpectedly to me, I thought I could never do enough to please +her; I was all alacrity, and rose proportionably in my own estimation. + +"As her daughter grew up, she was pampered with cakes and fruit, while I +was, literally speaking, fed with the refuse of the table, with her +leavings. A liquorish tooth is, I believe, common to children, and I used +to steal any thing sweet, that I could catch up with a chance of +concealment. When detected, she was not content to chastize me herself at +the moment, but, on my father's return in the evening (he was a shopman), +the principal discourse was to recount my faults, and attribute them to +the wicked disposition which I had brought into the world with me, +inherited from my mother. He did not fail to leave the marks of his +resentment on my body, and then solaced himself by playing with my +sister.--I could have murdered her at those moments. To save myself from +these unmerciful corrections, I resorted to falshood, and the untruths +which I sturdily maintained, were brought in judgment against me, to +support my tyrant's inhuman charge of my natural propensity to vice. +Seeing me treated with contempt, and always being fed and dressed +better, my sister conceived a contemptuous opinion of me, that proved an +obstacle to all affection; and my father, hearing continually of my +faults, began to consider me as a curse entailed on him for his sins: he +was therefore easily prevailed on to bind me apprentice to one of my +step-mother's friends, who kept a slop-shop in Wapping. I was represented +(as it was said) in my true colours; but she, 'warranted,' snapping her +fingers, 'that she should break my spirit or heart.' + +"My mother replied, with a whine, 'that if any body could make me better, +it was such a clever woman as herself; though, for her own part, she had +tried in vain; but good-nature was her fault.' + +"I shudder with horror, when I recollect the treatment I had now to +endure. Not only under the lash of my task-mistress, but the drudge of +the maid, apprentices and children, I never had a taste of human kindness +to soften the rigour of perpetual labour. I had been introduced as an +object of abhorrence into the family; as a creature of whom my +step-mother, though she had been kind enough to let me live in the house +with her own child, could make nothing. I was described as a wretch, +whose nose must be kept to the grinding stone--and it was held there with +an iron grasp. It seemed indeed the privilege of their superior nature to +kick me about, like the dog or cat. If I were attentive, I was called +fawning, if refractory, an obstinate mule, and like a mule I received +their censure on my loaded back. Often has my mistress, for some +instance of forgetfulness, thrown me from one side of the kitchen to the +other, knocked my head against the wall, spit in my face, with various +refinements on barbarity that I forbear to enumerate, though they were +all acted over again by the servant, with additional insults, to which +the appellation of _bastard_, was commonly added, with taunts or sneers. +But I will not attempt to give you an adequate idea of my situation, lest +you, who probably have never been drenched with the dregs of human +misery, should think I exaggerate. + +"I stole now, from absolute necessity,--bread; yet whatever else was +taken, which I had it not in my power to take, was ascribed to me. I was +the filching cat, the ravenous dog, the dumb brute, who must bear all; +for if I endeavoured to exculpate myself, I was silenced, without any +enquiries being made, with 'Hold your tongue, you never tell truth.' Even +the very air I breathed was tainted with scorn; for I was sent to the +neighbouring shops with Glutton, Liar, or Thief, written on my forehead. +This was, at first, the most bitter punishment; but sullen pride, or a +kind of stupid desperation, made me, at length, almost regardless of the +contempt, which had wrung from me so many solitary tears at the only +moments when I was allowed to rest. + +"Thus was I the mark of cruelty till my sixteenth year; and then I have +only to point out a change of misery; for a period I never knew. Allow me +first to make one observation. Now I look back, I cannot help +attributing the greater part of my misery, to the misfortune of having +been thrown into the world without the grand support of life--a mother's +affection. I had no one to love me; or to make me respected, to enable me +to acquire respect. I was an egg dropped on the sand; a pauper by nature, +shunted from family to family, who belonged to nobody--and nobody cared +for me. I was despised from my birth, and denied the chance of obtaining +a footing for myself in society. Yes; I had not even the chance of being +considered as a fellow-creature--yet all the people with whom I lived, +brutalized as they were by the low cunning of trade, and the despicable +shifts of poverty, were not without bowels, though they never yearned for +me. I was, in fact, born a slave, and chained by infamy to slavery +during the whole of existence, without having any companions to alleviate +it by sympathy, or teach me how to rise above it by their example. But, +to resume the thread of my tale-- + +"At sixteen, I suddenly grew tall, and something like comeliness appeared +on a Sunday, when I had time to wash my face, and put on clean clothes. +My master had once or twice caught hold of me in the passage; but I +instinctively avoided his disgusting caresses. One day however, when the +family were at a methodist meeting, he contrived to be alone in the house +with me, and by blows--yes; blows and menaces, compelled me to submit to +his ferocious desire; and, to avoid my mistress's fury, I was obliged in +future to comply, and skulk to my loft at his command, in spite of +increasing loathing. + +"The anguish which was now pent up in my bosom, seemed to open a new +world to me: I began to extend my thoughts beyond myself, and grieve for +human misery, till I discovered, with horror--ah! what horror!--that I +was with child. I know not why I felt a mixed sensation of despair and +tenderness, excepting that, ever called a bastard, a bastard appeared to +me an object of the greatest compassion in creation. + +"I communicated this dreadful circumstance to my master, who was almost +equally alarmed at the intelligence; for he feared his wife, and public +censure at the meeting. After some weeks of deliberation had elapsed, I +in continual fear that my altered shape would be noticed, my master gave +me a medicine in a phial, which he desired me to take, telling me, +without any circumlocution, for what purpose it was designed. I burst +into tears, I thought it was killing myself--yet was such a self as I +worth preserving? He cursed me for a fool, and left me to my own +reflections. I could not resolve to take this infernal potion; but I +wrapped it up in an old gown, and hid it in a corner of my box. + +"Nobody yet suspected me, because they had been accustomed to view me as +a creature of another species. But the threatening storm at last broke +over my devoted head--never shall I forget it! One Sunday evening when I +was left, as usual, to take care of the house, my master came home +intoxicated, and I became the prey of his brutal appetite. His extreme +intoxication made him forget his customary caution, and my mistress +entered and found us in a situation that could not have been more hateful +to her than me. Her husband was 'pot-valiant,' he feared her not at the +moment, nor had he then much reason, for she instantly turned the whole +force of her anger another way. She tore off my cap, scratched, kicked, +and buffetted me, till she had exhausted her strength, declaring, as she +rested her arm, 'that I had wheedled her husband from her.--But, could +any thing better be expected from a wretch, whom she had taken into her +house out of pure charity?' What a torrent of abuse rushed out? till, +almost breathless, she concluded with saying, 'that I was born a +strumpet; it ran in my blood, and nothing good could come to those who +harboured me.' + +"My situation was, of course, discovered, and she declared that I should +not stay another night under the same roof with an honest family. I was +therefore pushed out of doors, and my trumpery thrown after me, when it +had been contemptuously examined in the passage, lest I should have +stolen any thing. + +"Behold me then in the street, utterly destitute! Whither could I creep +for shelter? To my father's roof I had no claim, when not pursued by +shame--now I shrunk back as from death, from my mother's cruel +reproaches, my father's execrations. I could not endure to hear him curse +the day I was born, though life had been a curse to me. Of death I +thought, but with a confused emotion of terror, as I stood leaning my +head on a post, and starting at every footstep, lest it should be my +mistress coming to tear my heart out. One of the boys of the shop passing +by, heard my tale, and immediately repaired to his master, to give him a +description of my situation; and he touched the right key--the scandal it +would give rise to, if I were left to repeat my tale to every enquirer. +This plea came home to his reason, who had been sobered by his wife's +rage, the fury of which fell on him when I was out of her reach, and he +sent the boy to me with half-a-guinea, desiring him to conduct me to a +house, where beggars, and other wretches, the refuse of society, nightly +lodged. + +"This night was spent in a state of stupefaction, or desperation. I +detested mankind, and abhorred myself. + +"In the morning I ventured out, to throw myself in my master's way, at +his usual hour of going abroad. I approached him, he 'damned me for a +b----, declared I had disturbed the peace of the family, and that he had +sworn to his wife, never to take any more notice of me.' He left me; but, +instantly returning, he told me that he should speak to his friend, a +parish-officer, to get a nurse for the brat I laid to him; and advised +me, if I wished to keep out of the house of correction, not to make free +with his name. + +"I hurried back to my hole, and, rage giving place to despair, sought for +the potion that was to procure abortion, and swallowed it, with a wish +that it might destroy me, at the same time that it stopped the sensations +of new-born life, which I felt with indescribable emotion. My head +turned round, my heart grew sick, and in the horrors of approaching +dissolution, mental anguish was swallowed up. The effect of the medicine +was violent, and I was confined to my bed several days; but, youth and a +strong constitution prevailing, I once more crawled out, to ask myself +the cruel question, 'Whither I should go?' I had but two shillings left +in my pocket, the rest had been expended, by a poor woman who slept in +the same room, to pay for my lodging, and purchase the necessaries of +which she partook. + +"With this wretch I went into the neighbouring streets to beg, and my +disconsolate appearance drew a few pence from the idle, enabling me still +to command a bed; till, recovering from my illness, and taught to put on +my rags to the best advantage, I was accosted from different motives, and +yielded to the desire of the brutes I met, with the same detestation that +I had felt for my still more brutal master. I have since read in novels +of the blandishments of seduction, but I had not even the pleasure of +being enticed into vice. + +"I shall not," interrupted Jemima, "lead your imagination into all the +scenes of wretchedness and depravity, which I was condemned to view; or +mark the different stages of my debasing misery. Fate dragged me through +the very kennels of society; I was still a slave, a bastard, a common +property. Become familiar with vice, for I wish to conceal nothing from +you, I picked the pockets of the drunkards who abused me; and proved by +my conduct, that I deserved the epithets, with which they loaded me at +moments when distrust ought to cease. + +"Detesting my nightly occupation, though valuing, if I may so use the +word, my independence, which only consisted in choosing the street in +which I should wander, or the roof, when I had money, in which I should +hide my head, I was some time before I could prevail on myself to accept +of a place in a house of ill fame, to which a girl, with whom I had +accidentally conversed in the street, had recommended me. I had been +hunted almost into a a fever, by the watchmen of the quarter of the town +I frequented; one, whom I had unwittingly offended, giving the word to +the whole pack. You can scarcely conceive the tyranny exercised by these +wretches: considering themselves as the instruments of the very laws they +violate, the pretext which steels their conscience, hardens their heart. +Not content with receiving from us, outlaws of society (let other women +talk of favours) a brutal gratification gratuitously as a privilege of +office, they extort a tithe of prostitution, and harrass with threats the +poor creatures whose occupation affords not the means to silence the +growl of avarice. To escape from this persecution, I once more entered +into servitude. + +"A life of comparative regularity restored my health; and--do not +start--my manners were improved, in a situation where vice sought to +render itself alluring, and taste was cultivated to fashion the person, +if not to refine the mind. Besides, the common civility of speech, +contrasted with the gross vulgarity to which I had been accustomed, was +something like the polish of civilization. I was not shut out from all +intercourse of humanity. Still I was galled by the yoke of service, and +my mistress often flying into violent fits of passion, made me dread a +sudden dismission, which I understood was always the case. I was +therefore prevailed on, though I felt a horror of men, to accept the +offer of a gentleman, rather in the decline of years, to keep his house, +pleasantly situated in a little village near Hampstead. + +"He was a man of great talents, and of brilliant wit; but, a worn-out +votary of voluptuousness, his desires became fastidious in proportion as +they grew weak, and the native tenderness of his heart was undermined by +a vitiated imagination. A thoughtless career of libertinism and social +enjoyment, had injured his health to such a degree, that, whatever +pleasure his conversation afforded me (and my esteem was ensured by +proofs of the generous humanity of his disposition), the being his +mistress was purchasing it at a very dear rate. With such a keen +perception of the delicacies of sentiment, with an imagination +invigorated by the exercise of genius, how could he sink into the +grossness of sensuality! + +"But, to pass over a subject which I recollect with pain, I must remark +to you, as an answer to your often-repeated question, 'Why my sentiments +and language were superior to my station?' that I now began to read, to +beguile the tediousness of solitude, and to gratify an inquisitive, +active mind. I had often, in my childhood, followed a ballad-singer, to +hear the sequel of a dismal story, though sure of being severely punished +for delaying to return with whatever I was sent to purchase. I could just +spell and put a sentence together, and I listened to the various +arguments, though often mingled with obscenity, which occurred at the +table where I was allowed to preside: for a literary friend or two +frequently came home with my master, to dine and pass the night. Having +lost the privileged respect of my sex, my presence, instead of +restraining, perhaps gave the reins to their tongues; still I had the +advantage of hearing discussions, from which, in the common course of +life, women are excluded. + +"You may easily imagine, that it was only by degrees that I could +comprehend some of the subjects they investigated, or acquire from their +reasoning what might be termed a moral sense. But my fondness of reading +increasing, and my master occasionally shutting himself up in this +retreat, for weeks together, to write, I had many opportunities of +improvement. At first, considering money I was right!" (exclaimed Jemima, +altering her tone of voice) "as the only means, after my loss of +reputation, of obtaining respect, or even the toleration of humanity, I +had not the least scruple to secrete a part of the sums intrusted to me, +and to screen myself from detection by a system of falshood. But, +acquiring new principles, I began to have the ambition of returning to +the respectable part of society, and was weak enough to suppose it +possible. The attention of my unassuming instructor, who, without being +ignorant of his own powers, possessed great simplicity of manners, +strengthened the illusion. Having sometimes caught up hints for thought, +from my untutored remarks, he often led me to discuss the subjects he was +treating, and would read to me his productions, previous to their +publication, wishing to profit by the criticism of unsophisticated +feeling. The aim of his writings was to touch the simple springs of the +heart; for he despised the would-be oracles, the self-elected +philosophers, who fright away fancy, while sifting each grain of thought +to prove that slowness of comprehension is wisdom. + +"I should have distinguished this as a moment of sunshine, a happy period +in my life, had not the repugnance the disgusting libertinism of my +protector inspired, daily become more painful.--And, indeed, I soon did +recollect it as such with agony, when his sudden death (for he had +recourse to the most exhilarating cordials to keep up the convivial tone +of his spirits) again threw me into the desert of human society. Had he +had any time for reflection, I am certain he would have left the little +property in his power to me: but, attacked by the fatal apoplexy in town, +his heir, a man of rigid morals, brought his wife with him to take +possession of the house and effects, before I was even informed of his +death,--'to prevent,' as she took care indirectly to tell me, 'such a +creature as she supposed me to be, from purloining any of them, had I +been apprized of the event in time.' + +"The grief I felt at the sudden shock the information gave me, which at +first had nothing selfish in it, was treated with contempt, and I was +ordered to pack up my clothes; and a few trinkets and books, given me by +the generous deceased, were contested, while they piously hoped, with a +reprobating shake of the head, 'that God would have mercy on his sinful +soul!' With some difficulty, I obtained my arrears of wages; but +asking--such is the spirit-grinding consequence of poverty and +infamy--for a character for honesty and economy, which God knows I +merited, I was told by this--why must I call her woman?--'that it would +go against her conscience to recommend a kept mistress.' Tears started in +my eyes, burning tears; for there are situations in which a wretch is +humbled by the contempt they are conscious they do not deserve. + +"I returned to the metropolis; but the solitude of a poor lodging was +inconceivably dreary, after the society I had enjoyed. To be cut off from +human converse, now I had been taught to relish it, was to wander a ghost +among the living. Besides, I foresaw, to aggravate the severity of my +fate, that my little pittance would soon melt away. I endeavoured to +obtain needlework; but, not having been taught early, and my hands being +rendered clumsy by hard work, I did not sufficiently excel to be employed +by the ready-made linen shops, when so many women, better qualified, were +suing for it. The want of a character prevented my getting a place; for, +irksome as servitude would have been to me, I should have made another +trial, had it been feasible. Not that I disliked employment, but the +inequality of condition to which I must have submitted. I had acquired a +taste for literature, during the five years I had lived with a literary +man, occasionally conversing with men of the first abilities of the age; +and now to descend to the lowest vulgarity, was a degree of wretchedness +not to be imagined unfelt. I had not, it is true, tasted the charms of +affection, but I had been familiar with the graces of humanity. + +"One of the gentlemen, whom I had frequently dined in company with, while +I was treated like a companion, met me in the street, and enquired after +my health. I seized the occasion, and began to describe my situation; but +he was in haste to join, at dinner, a select party of choice spirits; +therefore, without waiting to hear me, he impatiently put a guinea into +my hand, saying, 'It was a pity such a sensible woman should be in +distress--he wished me well from his soul.' + +"To another I wrote, stating my case, and requesting advice. He was an +advocate for unequivocal sincerity; and had often, in my presence, +descanted on the evils which arise in society from the despotism of rank +and riches. + +"In reply, I received a long essay on the energy of the human mind, with +continual allusions to his own force of character. He added, 'That the +woman who could write such a letter as I had sent him, could never be in +want of resources, were she to look into herself, and exert her powers; +misery was the consequence of indolence, and, as to my being shut out +from society, it was the lot of man to submit to certain privations.' + +"How often have I heard," said Jemima, interrupting her narrative, "in +conversation, and read in books, that every person willing to work may +find employment? It is the vague assertion, I believe, of insensible +indolence, when it relates to men; but, with respect to women, I am sure +of its fallacy, unless they will submit to the most menial bodily labour; +and even to be employed at hard labour is out of the reach of many, whose +reputation misfortune or folly has tainted. + +"How writers, professing to be friends to freedom, and the improvement of +morals, can assert that poverty is no evil, I cannot imagine." + +"No more can I," interrupted Maria, "yet they even expatiate on the +peculiar happiness of indigence, though in what it can consist, excepting +in brutal rest, when a man can barely earn a subsistence, I cannot +imagine. The mind is necessarily imprisoned in its own little tenement; +and, fully occupied by keeping it in repair, has not time to rove abroad +for improvement. The book of knowledge is closely clasped, against those +who must fulfil their daily task of severe manual labour or die; and +curiosity, rarely excited by thought or information, seldom moves on the +stagnate lake of ignorance." + +"As far as I have been able to observe," replied Jemima, "prejudices, +caught up by chance, are obstinately maintained by the poor, to the +exclusion of improvement; they have not time to reason or reflect to any +extent, or minds sufficiently exercised to adopt the principles of +action, which form perhaps the only basis of contentment in every +station[114-A]." + + * * * * * + +"And independence," said Darnford, "they are necessarily strangers to, +even the independence of despising their persecutors. If the poor are +happy, or can be happy, _things are very well as they are_. And I cannot +conceive on what principle those writers contend for a change of system, +who support this opinion. The authors on the other side of the question +are much more consistent, who grant the fact; yet, insisting that it is +the lot of the majority to be oppressed in this life, kindly turn them +over to another, to rectify the false weights and measures of this, as +the only way to justify the dispensations of Providence. I have not," +continued Darnford, "an opinion more firmly fixed by observation in my +mind, than that, though riches may fail to produce proportionate +happiness, poverty most commonly excludes it, by shutting up all the +avenues to improvement." + +"And as for the affections," added Maria, with a sigh, "how gross, and +even tormenting do they become, unless regulated by an improving mind! +The culture of the heart ever, I believe, keeps pace with that of the +mind. But pray go on," addressing Jemima, "though your narrative gives +rise to the most painful reflections on the present state of society." + +"Not to trouble you," continued she, "with a detailed description of all +the painful feelings of unavailing exertion, I have only to tell you, +that at last I got recommended to wash in a few families, who did me the +favour to admit me into their houses, without the most strict enquiry, to +wash from one in the morning till eight at night, for eighteen or +twenty-pence a day. On the happiness to be enjoyed over a washing-tub I +need not comment; yet you will allow me to observe, that this was a +wretchedness of situation peculiar to my sex. A man with half my +industry, and, I may say, abilities, could have procured a decent +livelihood, and discharged some of the duties which knit mankind +together; whilst I, who had acquired a taste for the rational, nay, in +honest pride let me assert it, the virtuous enjoyments of life, was cast +aside as the filth of society. Condemned to labour, like a machine, only +to earn bread, and scarcely that, I became melancholy and desperate. + +"I have now to mention a circumstance which fills me with remorse, and +fear it will entirely deprive me of your esteem. A tradesman became +attached to me, and visited me frequently,--and I at last obtained such a +power over him, that he offered to take me home to his house.--Consider, +dear madam, I was famishing: wonder not that I became a wolf!--The only +reason for not taking me home immediately, was the having a girl in the +house, with child by him--and this girl--I advised him--yes, I did! would +I could forget it!--to turn out of doors: and one night he determined to +follow my advice, Poor wretch! she fell upon her knees, reminded him +that he had promised to marry her, that her parents were honest!--What +did it avail?--She was turned out. + +"She approached her father's door, in the skirts of London,--listened at +the shutters,--but could not knock. A watchman had observed her go and +return several times--Poor wretch!--"The remorse Jemima spoke of, seemed +to be stinging her to the soul, as she proceeded." + +"She left it, and, approaching a tub where horses were watered, she sat +down in it, and, with desperate resolution, remained in that +attitude--till resolution was no longer necessary! + +"I happened that morning to be going out to wash, anticipating the moment +when I should escape from such hard labour. I passed by, just as some +men, going to work, drew out the stiff, cold corpse--Let me not recal the +horrid moment!--I recognized her pale visage; I listened to the tale told +by the spectators, and my heart did not burst. I thought of my own state, +and wondered how I could be such a monster!--I worked hard; and, +returning home, I was attacked by a fever. I suffered both in body and +mind. I determined not to live with the wretch. But he did not try me; he +left the neighbourhood. I once more returned to the wash-tub. + +"Still this state, miserable as it was, admitted of aggravation. Lifting +one day a heavy load, a tub fell against my shin, and gave me great pain. +I did not pay much attention to the hurt, till it became a serious wound; +being obliged to work as usual, or starve. But, finding myself at length +unable to stand for any time, I thought of getting into an hospital. +Hospitals, it should seem (for they are comfortless abodes for the sick) +were expressly endowed for the reception of the friendless; yet I, who +had on that plea a right to assistance, wanted the recommendation of the +rich and respectable, and was several weeks languishing for admittance; +fees were demanded on entering; and, what was still more unreasonable, +security for burying me, that expence not coming into the letter of the +charity. A guinea was the stipulated sum--I could as soon have raised a +million; and I was afraid to apply to the parish for an order, lest they +should have passed me, I knew not whither. The poor woman at whose house +I lodged, compassionating my state, got me into the hospital; and the +family where I received the hurt, sent me five shillings, three and +six-pence of which I gave at my admittance--I know not for what. + +"My leg grew quickly better; but I was dismissed before my cure was +completed, because I could not afford to have my linen washed to appear +decently, as the virago of a nurse said, when the gentlemen (the +surgeons) came. I cannot give you an adequate idea of the wretchedness of +an hospital; every thing is left to the care of people intent on gain. +The attendants seem to have lost all feeling of compassion in the +bustling discharge of their offices; death is so familiar to them, that +they are not anxious to ward it off. Every thing appeared to be conducted +for the accommodation of the medical men and their pupils, who came to +make experiments on the poor, for the benefit of the rich. One of the +physicians, I must not forget to mention, gave me half-a-crown, and +ordered me some wine, when I was at the lowest ebb. I thought of making +my case known to the lady-like matron; but her forbidding countenance +prevented me. She condescended to look on the patients, and make general +enquiries, two or three times a week; but the nurses knew the hour when +the visit of ceremony would commence, and every thing was as it should +be. + +"After my dismission, I was more at a loss than ever for a subsistence, +and, not to weary you with a repetition of the same unavailing attempts, +unable to stand at the washing-tub, I began to consider the rich and poor +as natural enemies, and became a thief from principle. I could not now +cease to reason, but I hated mankind. I despised myself, yet I justified +my conduct. I was taken, tried, and condemned to six months' imprisonment +in a house of correction. My soul recoils with horror from the +remembrance of the insults I had to endure, till, branded with shame, I +was turned loose in the street, pennyless. I wandered from street to +street, till, exhausted by hunger and fatigue, I sunk down senseless at a +door, where I had vainly demanded a morsel of bread. I was sent by the +inhabitant to the work-house, to which he had surlily bid me go, saying, +he 'paid enough in conscience to the poor,' when, with parched tongue, I +implored his charity. If those well-meaning people who exclaim against +beggars, were acquainted with the treatment the poor receive in many of +these wretched asylums, they would not stifle so easily involuntary +sympathy, by saying that they have all parishes to go to, or wonder that +the poor dread to enter the gloomy walls. What are the common run of +work-houses, but prisons, in which many respectable old people, worn out +by immoderate labour, sink into the grave in sorrow, to which they are +carried like dogs!" + +Alarmed by some indistinct noise, Jemima rose hastily to listen, and +Maria, turning to Darnford, said, "I have indeed been shocked beyond +expression when I have met a pauper's funeral. A coffin carried on the +shoulders of three or four ill-looking wretches, whom the imagination +might easily convert into a band of assassins, hastening to conceal the +corpse, and quarrelling about the prey on their way. I know it is of +little consequence how we are consigned to the earth; but I am led by +this brutal insensibility, to what even the animal creation appears +forcibly to feel, to advert to the wretched, deserted manner in which +they died." + +"True," rejoined Darnford, "and, till the rich will give more than a part +of their wealth, till they will give time and attention to the wants of +the distressed, never let them boast of charity. Let them open their +hearts, and not their purses, and employ their minds in the service, if +they are really actuated by humanity; or charitable institutions will +always be the prey of the lowest order of knaves." + +Jemima returning, seemed in haste to finish her tale. "The overseer +farmed the poor of different parishes, and out of the bowels of poverty +was wrung the money with which he purchased this dwelling, as a private +receptacle for madness. He had been a keeper at a house of the same +description, and conceived that he could make money much more readily in +his old occupation. He is a shrewd--shall I say it?--villain. He observed +something resolute in my manner, and offered to take me with him, and +instruct me how to treat the disturbed minds he meant to intrust to my +care. The offer of forty pounds a year, and to quit a workhouse, was not +to be despised, though the condition of shutting my eyes and hardening my +heart was annexed to it. + +"I agreed to accompany him; and four years have I been attendant on many +wretches, and"--she lowered her voice,--"the witness of many enormities. +In solitude my mind seemed to recover its force, and many of the +sentiments which I imbibed in the only tolerable period of my life, +returned with their full force. Still what should induce me to be the +champion for suffering humanity?--Who ever risked any thing for me?--Who +ever acknowledged me to be a fellow-creature?"-- + +Maria took her hand, and Jemima, more overcome by kindness than she had +ever been by cruelty, hastened out of the room to conceal her emotions. + +Darnford soon after heard his summons, and, taking leave of him, Maria +promised to gratify his curiosity, with respect to herself, the first +opportunity. + +FOOTNOTES: + +[114-A] The copy which appears to have received the author's last +corrections, ends at this place. + + + + +CHAP. VI. + + +ACTIVE as love was in the heart of Maria, the story she had just heard +made her thoughts take a wider range. The opening buds of hope closed, as +if they had put forth too early, and the the happiest day of her life was +overcast by the most melancholy reflections. Thinking of Jemima's +peculiar fate and her own, she was led to consider the oppressed state of +women, and to lament that she had given birth to a daughter. Sleep fled +from her eyelids, while she dwelt on the wretchedness of unprotected +infancy, till sympathy with Jemima changed to agony, when it seemed +probable that her own babe might even now be in the very state she so +forcibly described. + +Maria thought, and thought again. Jemima's humanity had rather been +benumbed than killed, by the keen frost she had to brave at her entrance +into life; an appeal then to her feelings, on this tender point, surely +would not be fruitless; and Maria began to anticipate the delight it +would afford her to gain intelligence of her child. This project was now +the only subject of reflection; and she watched impatiently for the dawn +of day, with that determinate purpose which generally insures success. + +At the usual hour, Jemima brought her breakfast, and a tender note from +Darnford. She ran her eye hastily over it, and her heart calmly hoarded +up the rapture a fresh assurance of affection, affection such as she +wished to inspire, gave her, without diverting her mind a moment from its +design. While Jemima waited to take away the breakfast, Maria alluded to +the reflections, that had haunted her during the night to the exclusion +of sleep. She spoke with energy of Jemima's unmerited sufferings, and of +the fate of a number of deserted females, placed within the sweep of a +whirlwind, from which it was next to impossible to escape. Perceiving the +effect her conversation produced on the countenance of her guard, she +grasped the arm of Jemima with that irresistible warmth which defies +repulse, exclaiming--"With your heart, and such dreadful experience, can +you lend your aid to deprive my babe of a mother's tenderness, a mother's +care? In the name of God, assist me to snatch her from destruction! Let +me but give her an education--let me but prepare her body and mind to +encounter the ills which await her sex, and I will teach her to consider +you as her second mother, and herself as the prop of your age. Yes, +Jemima, look at me--observe me closely, and read my very soul; you merit +a better fate;" she held out her hand with a firm gesture of assurance; +"and I will procure it for you, as a testimony of my esteem, as well as +of my gratitude." + +Jemima had not power to resist this persuasive torrent; and, owning that +the house in which she was confined, was situated on the banks of the +Thames, only a few miles from London, and not on the sea-coast, as +Darnford had supposed, she promised to invent some excuse for her +absence, and go herself to trace the situation, and enquire concerning +the health, of this abandoned daughter. Her manner implied an intention +to do something more, but she seemed unwilling to impart her design; and +Maria, glad to have obtained the main point, thought it best to leave her +to the workings of her own mind; convinced that she had the power of +interesting her still more in favour of herself and child, by a simple +recital of facts. + +In the evening, Jemima informed the impatient mother, that on the morrow +she should hasten to town before the family hour of rising, and received +all the information necessary, as a clue to her search. The "Good night!" +Maria uttered was peculiarly solemn and affectionate. Glad expectation +sparkled in her eye; and, for the first time since her detention, she +pronounced the name of her child with pleasureable fondness; and, with +all the garrulity of a nurse, described her first smile when she +recognized her mother. Recollecting herself, a still kinder "Adieu!" with +a "God bless you!"--that seemed to include a maternal benediction, +dismissed Jemima. + +The dreary solitude of the ensuing day, lengthened by impatiently +dwelling on the same idea, was intolerably wearisome. She listened for +the sound of a particular clock, which some directions of the wind +allowed her to hear distinctly. She marked the shadow gaining on the +wall; and, twilight thickening into darkness, her breath seemed oppressed +while she anxiously counted nine.--The last sound was a stroke of +despair on her heart; for she expected every moment, without seeing +Jemima, to have her light extinguished by the savage female who supplied +her place. She was even obliged to prepare for bed, restless as she was, +not to disoblige her new attendant. She had been cautioned not to speak +too freely to her; but the caution was needless, her countenance would +still more emphatically have made her shrink back. Such was the ferocity +of manner, conspicuous in every word and gesture of this hag, that Maria +was afraid to enquire, why Jemima, who had faithfully promised to see her +before her door was shut for the night, came not?--and, when the key +turned in the lock, to consign her to a night of suspence, she felt a +degree of anguish which the circumstances scarcely justified. + +Continually on the watch, the shutting of a door, or the sound of a +footstep, made her start and tremble with apprehension, something like +what she felt, when, at her entrance, dragged along the gallery, she +began to doubt whether she were not surrounded by demons? + +Fatigued by an endless rotation of thought and wild alarms, she looked +like a spectre, when Jemima entered in the morning; especially as her +eyes darted out of her head, to read in Jemima's countenance, almost as +pallid, the intelligence she dared not trust her tongue to demand. Jemima +put down the tea-things, and appeared very busy in arranging the table. +Maria took up a cup with trembling hand, then forcibly recovering her +fortitude, and restraining the convulsive movement which agitated the +muscles of her mouth, she said, "Spare yourself the pain of preparing me +for your information, I adjure you!--My child is dead!" Jemima solemnly +answered, "Yes;" with a look expressive of compassion and angry emotions. +"Leave me," added Maria, making a fresh effort to govern her feelings, +and hiding her face in her handkerchief, to conceal her anguish--"It is +enough--I know that my babe is no more--I will hear the particulars when +I am"--_calmer_, she could not utter; and Jemima, without importuning her +by idle attempts to console her, left the room. + +Plunged in the deepest melancholy, she would not admit Darnford's visits; +and such is the force of early associations even on strong minds, that, +for a while, she indulged the superstitious notion that she was justly +punished by the death of her child, for having for an instant ceased to +regret her loss. Two or three letters from Darnford, full of soothing, +manly tenderness, only added poignancy to these accusing emotions; yet +the passionate style in which he expressed, what he termed the first and +fondest wish of his heart, "that his affection might make her some amends +for the cruelty and injustice she had endured," inspired a sentiment of +gratitude to heaven; and her eyes filled with delicious tears, when, at +the conclusion of his letter, wishing to supply the place of her unworthy +relations, whose want of principle he execrated, he assured her, calling +her his dearest girl, "that it should henceforth be the business of his +life to make her happy." + +He begged, in a note sent the following morning, to be permitted to see +her, when his presence would be no intrusion on her grief; and so +earnestly intreated to be allowed, according to promise, to beguile the +tedious moments of absence, by dwelling on the events of her past life, +that she sent him the memoirs which had been written for her daughter, +promising Jemima the perusal as soon as he returned them. + + + + +CHAP. VII. + + +"ADDRESSING these memoirs to you, my child, uncertain whether I shall +ever have an opportunity of instructing you, many observations will +probably flow from my heart, which only a mother--a mother schooled in +misery, could make. + +"The tenderness of a father who knew the world, might be great; but could +it equal that of a mother--of a mother, labouring under a portion of the +misery, which the constitution of society seems to have entailed on all +her kind? It is, my child, my dearest daughter, only such a mother, who +will dare to break through all restraint to provide for your +happiness--who will voluntarily brave censure herself, to ward off +sorrow from your bosom. From my narrative, my dear girl, you may gather +the instruction, the counsel, which is meant rather to exercise than +influence your mind.--Death may snatch me from you, before you can weigh +my advice, or enter into my reasoning: I would then, with fond anxiety, +lead you very early in life to form your grand principle of action, to +save you from the vain regret of having, through irresolution, let the +spring-tide of existence pass away, unimproved, unenjoyed.--Gain +experience--ah! gain it--while experience is worth having, and acquire +sufficient fortitude to pursue your own happiness; it includes your +utility, by a direct path. What is wisdom too often, but the owl of the +goddess, who sits moping in a desolated heart; around me she shrieks, +but I would invite all the gay warblers of spring to nestle in your +blooming bosom.--Had I not wasted years in deliberating, after I ceased +to doubt, how I ought to have acted--I might now be useful and +happy.--For my sake, warned by my example, always appear what you are, +and you will not pass through existence without enjoying its genuine +blessings, love and respect. + +"Born in one of the most romantic parts of England, an enthusiastic +fondness for the varying charms of nature is the first sentiment I +recollect; or rather it was the first consciousness of pleasure that +employed and formed my imagination. + +"My father had been a captain of a man of war; but, disgusted with the +service, on account of the preferment of men whose chief merit was their +family connections or borough interest, he retired into the country; and, +not knowing what to do with himself--married. In his family, to regain +his lost consequence, he determined to keep up the same passive +obedience, as in the vessels in which he had commanded. His orders were +not to be disputed; and the whole house was expected to fly, at the word +of command, as if to man the shrouds, or mount aloft in an elemental +strife, big with life or death. He was to be instantaneously obeyed, +especially by my mother, whom he very benevolently married for love; but +took care to remind her of the obligation, when she dared, in the +slightest instance, to question his absolute authority. My eldest +brother, it is true, as he grew up, was treated with more respect by my +father; and became in due form the deputy-tyrant of the house. The +representative of my father, a being privileged by nature--a boy, and the +darling of my mother, he did not fail to act like an heir apparent. Such +indeed was my mother's extravagant partiality, that, in comparison with +her affection for him, she might be said not to love the rest of her +children. Yet none of the children seemed to have so little affection for +her. Extreme indulgence had rendered him so selfish, that he only thought +of himself; and from tormenting insects and animals, he became the despot +of his brothers, and still more of his sisters. + +"It is perhaps difficult to give you an idea of the petty cares which +obscured the morning of my life; continual restraint in the most trivial +matters; unconditional submission to orders, which, as a mere child, I +soon discovered to be unreasonable, because inconsistent and +contradictory. Thus are we destined to experience a mixture of +bitterness, with the recollection of our most innocent enjoyments. + +"The circumstances which, during my childhood, occurred to fashion my +mind, were various; yet, as it would probably afford me more pleasure to +revive the fading remembrance of new-born delight, than you, my child, +could feel in the perusal, I will not entice you to stray with me into +the verdant meadow, to search for the flowers that youthful hopes scatter +in every path; though, as I write, I almost scent the fresh green of +spring--of that spring which never returns! + +"I had two sisters, and one brother, younger than myself; my brother +Robert was two years older, and might truly be termed the idol of his +parents, and the torment of the rest of the family. Such indeed is the +force of prejudice, that what was called spirit and wit in him, was +cruelly repressed as forwardness in me. + +"My mother had an indolence of character, which prevented her from paying +much attention to our education. But the healthy breeze of a neighbouring +heath, on which we bounded at pleasure, volatilized the humours that +improper food might have generated. And to enjoy open air and freedom, +was paradise, after the unnatural restraint of our fire-side, where we +were often obliged to sit three or four hours together, without daring to +utter a word, when my father was out of humour, from want of employment, +or of a variety of boisterous amusement. I had however one advantage, an +instructor, the brother of my father, who, intended for the church, had +of course received a liberal education. But, becoming attached to a young +lady of great beauty and large fortune, and acquiring in the world some +opinions not consonant with the profession for which he was designed, he +accepted, with the most sanguine expectations of success, the offer of a +nobleman to accompany him to India, as his confidential secretary. + +"A correspondence was regularly kept up with the object of his affection; +and the intricacies of business, peculiarly wearisome to a man of a +romantic turn of mind, contributed, with a forced absence, to increase +his attachment. Every other passion was lost in this master-one, and +only served to swell the torrent. Her relations, such were his waking +dreams, who had despised him, would court in their turn his alliance, and +all the blandishments of taste would grace the triumph of love.--While he +basked in the warm sunshine of love, friendship also promised to shed its +dewy freshness; for a friend, whom he loved next to his mistress, was the +confident, who forwarded the letters from one to the other, to elude the +observation of prying relations. A friend false in similar circumstances, +is, my dearest girl, an old tale; yet, let not this example, or the +frigid caution of cold-blooded moralists, make you endeavour to stifle +hopes, which are the buds that naturally unfold themselves during the +spring of life! Whilst your own heart is sincere, always expect to meet +one glowing with the same sentiments; for to fly from pleasure, is not to +avoid pain! + +"My uncle realized, by good luck, rather than management, a handsome +fortune; and returning on the wings of love, lost in the most enchanting +reveries, to England, to share it with his mistress and his friend, he +found them--united. + +"There were some circumstances, not necessary for me to recite, which +aggravated the guilt of the friend beyond measure, and the deception, +that had been carried on to the last moment, was so base, it produced the +most violent effect on my uncle's health and spirits. His native country, +the world! lately a garden of blooming sweets, blasted by treachery, +seemed changed into a parched desert, the abode of hissing serpents. +Disappointment rankled in his heart; and, brooding over his wrongs, he +was attacked by a raging fever, followed by a derangement of mind, which +only gave place to habitual melancholy, as he recovered more strength of +body. + +"Declaring an intention never to marry, his relations were ever +clustering about him, paying the grossest adulation to a man, who, +disgusted with mankind, received them with scorn, or bitter sarcasms. +Something in my countenance pleased him, when I began to prattle. Since +his return, he appeared dead to affection; but I soon, by showing him +innocent fondness, became a favourite; and endeavouring to enlarge and +strengthen my mind, I grew dear to him in proportion as I imbibed his +sentiments. He had a forcible manner of speaking, rendered more so by a +certain impressive wildness of look and gesture, calculated to engage the +attention of a young and ardent mind. It is not then surprising that I +quickly adopted his opinions in preference, and reverenced him as one of +a superior order of beings. He inculcated, with great warmth, +self-respect, and a lofty consciousness of acting right, independent of +the censure or applause of the world; nay, he almost taught me to brave, +and even despise its censure, when convinced of the rectitude of my own +intentions. + +"Endeavouring to prove to me that nothing which deserved the name of love +or friendship, existed in the world, he drew such animated pictures of +his own feelings, rendered permanent by disappointment, as imprinted the +sentiments strongly on my heart, and animated my imagination. These +remarks are necessary to elucidate some peculiarities in my character, +which by the world are indefinitely termed romantic. + +"My uncle's increasing affection led him to visit me often. Still, unable +to rest in any place, he did not remain long in the country to soften +domestic tyranny; but he brought me books, for which I had a passion, and +they conspired with his conversation, to make me form an ideal picture of +life. I shall pass over the tyranny of my father, much as I suffered from +it; but it is necessary to notice, that it undermined my mother's health; +and that her temper, continually irritated by domestic bickering, became +intolerably peevish. + +"My eldest brother was articled to a neighbouring attorney, the +shrewdest, and, I may add, the most unprincipled man in that part of the +country. As my brother generally came home every Saturday, to astonish my +mother by exhibiting his attainments, he gradually assumed a right of +directing the whole family, not excepting my father. He seemed to take a +peculiar pleasure in tormenting and humbling me; and if I ever ventured +to complain of this treatment to either my father or mother, I was rudely +rebuffed for presuming to judge of the conduct of my eldest brother. + +"About this period a merchant's family came to settle in our +neighbourhood. A mansion-house in the village, lately purchased, had been +preparing the whole spring, and the sight of the costly furniture, sent +from London, had excited my mother's envy, and roused my father's pride. +My sensations were very different, and all of a pleasurable kind. I +longed to see new characters, to break the tedious monotony of my life; +and to find a friend, such as fancy had pourtrayed. I cannot then +describe the emotion I felt, the Sunday they made their appearance at +church. My eyes were rivetted on the pillar round which I expected first +to catch a glimpse of them, and darted forth to meet a servant who +hastily preceded a group of ladies, whose white robes and waving plumes, +seemed to stream along the gloomy aisle, diffusing the light, by which I +contemplated their figures. + +"We visited them in form; and I quickly selected the eldest daughter for +my friend. The second son, George, paid me particular attention, and +finding his attainments and manners superior to those of the young men of +the village, I began to imagine him superior to the rest of mankind. Had +my home been more comfortable, or my previous acquaintance more numerous, +I should not probably have been so eager to open my heart to new +affections. + +"Mr. Venables, the merchant, had acquired a large fortune by unremitting +attention to business; but his health declining rapidly, he was obliged +to retire, before his son, George, had acquired sufficient experience, to +enable him to conduct their affairs on the same prudential plan, his +father had invariably pursued. Indeed, he had laboured to throw off his +authority, having despised his narrow plans and cautious speculation. The +eldest son could not be prevailed on to enter the firm; and, to oblige +his wife, and have peace in the house, Mr. Venables had purchased a +commission for him in the guards. + +"I am now alluding to circumstances which came to my knowledge long +after; but it is necessary, my dearest child, that you should know the +character of your father, to prevent your despising your mother; the only +parent inclined to discharge a parent's duty. In London, George had +acquired habits of libertinism, which he carefully concealed from his +father and his commercial connections. The mask he wore, was so complete +a covering of his real visage, that the praise his father lavished on his +conduct, and, poor mistaken man! on his principles, contrasted with his +brother's, rendered the notice he took of me peculiarly flattering. +Without any fixed design, as I am now convinced, he continued to single +me out at the dance, press my hand at parting, and utter expressions of +unmeaning passion, to which I gave a meaning naturally suggested by the +romantic turn of my thoughts. His stay in the country was short; his +manners did not entirely please me; but, when he left us, the colouring +of my picture became more vivid--Whither did not my imagination lead me? +In short, I fancied myself in love--in love with the disinterestedness, +fortitude, generosity, dignity, and humanity, with which I had invested +the hero I dubbed. A circumstance which soon after occurred, rendered all +these virtues palpable. [The incident is perhaps worth relating on other +accounts, and therefore I shall describe it distinctly.] + +"I had a great affection for my nurse, old Mary, for whom I used often to +work, to spare her eyes. Mary had a younger sister, married to a sailor, +while she was suckling me; for my mother only suckled my eldest brother, +which might be the cause of her extraordinary partiality. Peggy, Mary's +sister, lived with her, till her husband, becoming a mate in a West-India +trader, got a little before-hand in the world. He wrote to his wife from +the first port in the Channel, after his most successful voyage, to +request her to come to London to meet him; he even wished her to +determine on living there for the future, to save him the trouble of +coming to her the moment he came on shore; and to turn a penny by +keeping a green-stall. It was too much to set out on a journey the +moment he had finished a voyage, and fifty miles by land, was worse than +a thousand leagues by sea. + +"She packed up her alls, and came to London--but did not meet honest +Daniel. A common misfortune prevented her, and the poor are bound to +suffer for the good of their country--he was pressed in the river--and +never came on shore. + +"Peggy was miserable in London, not knowing, as she said, 'the face of +any living soul.' Besides, her imagination had been employed, +anticipating a month or six weeks' happiness with her husband. Daniel was +to have gone with her to Sadler's Wells, and Westminster Abbey, and to +many sights, which he knew she never heard of in the country. Peggy too +was thrifty, and how could she manage to put his plan in execution +alone? He had acquaintance; but she did not know the very name of their +places of abode. His letters were made up of--How do you does, and God +bless yous,--information was reserved for the hour of meeting. + +"She too had her portion of information, near at heart. Molly and Jacky +were grown such little darlings, she was almost angry that daddy did not +see their tricks. She had not half the pleasure she should have had from +their prattle, could she have recounted to him each night the pretty +speeches of the day. Some stories, however, were stored up--and Jacky +could say papa with such a sweet voice, it must delight his heart. Yet +when she came, and found no Daniel to greet her, when Jacky called papa, +she wept, bidding 'God bless his innocent soul, that did not know what +sorrow was.'--But more sorrow was in store for Peggy, innocent as she +was.--Daniel was killed in the first engagement, and then the _papa_ was +agony, sounding to the heart. + +"She had lived sparingly on his wages, while there was any hope of his +return; but, that gone, she returned with a breaking heart to the +country, to a little market town, nearly three miles from our village. +She did not like to go to service, to be snubbed about, after being her +own mistress. To put her children out to nurse was impossible: how far +would her wages go? and to send them to her husband's parish, a distant +one, was to lose her husband twice over. + +"I had heard all from Mary, and made my uncle furnish a little cottage +for her, to enable her to sell--so sacred was poor Daniel's advice, now +he was dead and gone--a little fruit, toys and cakes. The minding of the +shop did not require her whole time, nor even the keeping her children +clean, and she loved to see them clean; so she took in washing, and +altogether made a shift to earn bread for her children, still weeping for +Daniel, when Jacky's arch looks made her think of his father.--It was +pleasant to work for her children.--'Yes; from morning till night, could +she have had a kiss from their father, God rest his soul! Yes; had it +pleased Providence to have let him come back without a leg or an arm, it +would have been the same thing to her--for she did not love him because +he maintained them--no; she had hands of her own.' + +"The country people were honest, and Peggy left her linen out to dry very +late. A recruiting party, as she supposed, passing through, made free +with a large wash; for it was all swept away, including her own and her +children's little stock. + +"This was a dreadful blow; two dozen of shirts, stocks and handkerchiefs. +She gave the money which she had laid by for half a year's rent, and +promised to pay two shillings a week till all was cleared; so she did not +lose her employment. This two shillings a week, and the buying a few +necessaries for the children, drove her so hard, that she had not a penny +to pay her rent with, when a twelvemonth's became due. + +"She was now with Mary, and had just told her tale, which Mary instantly +repeated--it was intended for my ear. Many houses in this town, producing +a borough-interest, were included in the estate purchased by Mr. +Venables, and the attorney with whom my brother lived, was appointed his +agent, to collect and raise the rents. + +"He demanded Peggy's, and, in spite of her intreaties, her poor goods had +been seized and sold. So that she had not, and what was worse her +children, 'for she had known sorrow enough,' a bed to lie on. She knew +that I was good-natured--right charitable, yet not liking to ask for more +than needs must, she scorned to petition while people could any how be +made to wait. But now, should she be turned out of doors, she must +expect nothing less than to lose all her customers, and then she must +beg or starve--and what would become of her children?--'had Daniel not +been pressed--but God knows best--all this could not have happened.' + +"I had two mattrasses on my bed; what did I want with two, when such a +worthy creature must lie on the ground? My mother would be angry, but I +could conceal it till my uncle came down; and then I would tell him all +the whole truth, and if he absolved me, heaven would. + +"I begged the house-maid to come up stairs with me (servants always feel +for the distresses of poverty, and so would the rich if they knew what it +was). She assisted me to tie up the mattrass; I discovering, at the same +time, that one blanket would serve me till winter, could I persuade my +sister, who slept with me, to keep my secret. She entering in the midst +of the package, I gave her some new feathers, to silence her. We got the +mattrass down the back stairs, unperceived, and I helped to carry it, +taking with me all the money I had, and what I could borrow from my +sister. + +"When I got to the cottage, Peggy declared that she would not take what I +had brought secretly; but, when, with all the eager eloquence inspired by +a decided purpose, I grasped her hand with weeping eyes, assuring her +that my uncle would screen me from blame, when he was once more in the +country, describing, at the same time, what she would suffer in parting +with her children, after keeping them so long from being thrown on the +parish, she reluctantly consented. + +"My project of usefulness ended not here; I determined to speak to the +attorney; he frequently paid me compliments. His character did not +intimidate me; but, imagining that Peggy must be mistaken, and that no +man could turn a deaf ear to such a tale of complicated distress, I +determined to walk to the town with Mary the next morning, and request +him to wait for the rent, and keep my secret, till my uncle's return. + +"My repose was sweet; and, waking with the first dawn of day, I bounded +to Mary's cottage. What charms do not a light heart spread over nature! +Every bird that twittered in a bush, every flower that enlivened the +hedge, seemed placed there to awaken me to rapture--yes; to rapture. The +present moment was full fraught with happiness; and on futurity I +bestowed not a thought, excepting to anticipate my success with the +attorney. + +"This man of the world, with rosy face and simpering features, received +me politely, nay kindly; listened with complacency to my remonstrances, +though he scarcely heeded Mary's tears. I did not then suspect, that my +eloquence was in my complexion, the blush of seventeen, or that, in a +world where humanity to women is the characteristic of advancing +civilization, the beauty of a young girl was so much more interesting +than the distress of an old one. Pressing my hand, he promised to let +Peggy remain in the house as long as I wished.--I more than returned the +pressure--I was so grateful and so happy. Emboldened by my innocent +warmth, he then kissed me--and I did not draw back--I took it for a kiss +of charity. + +"Gay as a lark, I went to dine at Mr. Venables'. I had previously +obtained five shillings from my father, towards re-clothing the poor +children of my care, and prevailed on my mother to take one of the girls +into the house, whom I determined to teach to work and read. + +"After dinner, when the younger part of the circle retired to the music +room, I recounted with energy my tale; that is, I mentioned Peggy's +distress, without hinting at the steps I had taken to relieve her. Miss +Venables gave me half-a-crown; the heir five shillings; but George sat +unmoved. I was cruelly distressed by the disappointment--I scarcely could +remain on my chair; and, could I have got out of the room unperceived, I +should have flown home, as if to run away from myself. After several +vain attempts to rise, I leaned my head against the marble chimney-piece, +and gazing on the evergreens that filled the fire-place, moralized on the +vanity of human expectations; regardless of the company. I was roused by +a gentle tap on my shoulder from behind Charlotte's chair. I turned my +head, and George slid a guinea into my hand, putting his finger to his +mouth, to enjoin me silence. + +"What a revolution took place, not only in my train of thoughts, but +feelings! I trembled with emotion--now, indeed, I was in love. Such +delicacy too, to enhance his benevolence! I felt in my pocket every five +minutes, only to feel the guinea; and its magic touch invested my hero +with more than mortal beauty. My fancy had found a basis to erect its +model of perfection on; and quickly went to work, with all the happy +credulity of youth, to consider that heart as devoted to virtue, which +had only obeyed a virtuous impulse. The bitter experience was yet to +come, that has taught me how very distinct are the principles of virtue, +from the casual feelings from which they germinate. + + + + +CHAP. VIII. + + +"I HAVE perhaps dwelt too long on a circumstance, which is only of +importance as it marks the progress of a deception that has been so fatal +to my peace; and introduces to your notice a poor girl, whom, intending +to serve, I led to ruin. Still it is probable that I was not entirely the +victim of mistake; and that your father, gradually fashioned by the +world, did not quickly become what I hesitate to call him--out of respect +to my daughter. + +"But, to hasten to the more busy scenes of my life. Mr. Venables and my +mother died the same summer; and, wholly engrossed by my attention to +her, I thought of little else. The neglect of her darling, my brother +Robert, had a violent effect on her weakened mind; for, though boys may +be reckoned the pillars of the house without doors, girls are often the +only comfort within. They but too frequently waste their health and +spirits attending a dying parent, who leaves them in comparative poverty. +After closing, with filial piety, a father's eyes, they are chased from +the paternal roof, to make room for the first-born, the son, who is to +carry the empty family-name down to posterity; though, occupied with his +own pleasures, he scarcely thought of discharging, in the decline of his +parent's life, the debt contracted in his childhood. My mother's conduct +led me to make these reflections. Great as was the fatigue I endured, and +the affection my unceasing solicitude evinced, of which my mother seemed +perfectly sensible, still, when my brother, whom I could hardly persuade +to remain a quarter of an hour in her chamber, was with her alone, a +short time before her death, she gave him a little hoard, which she had +been some years accumulating. + +"During my mother's illness, I was obliged to manage my father's temper, +who, from the lingering nature of her malady, began to imagine that it +was merely fancy. At this period, an artful kind of upper servant +attracted my father's attention, and the neighbours made many remarks on +the finery, not honestly got, exhibited at evening service. But I was too +much occupied with my mother to observe any change in her dress or +behaviour, or to listen to the whisper of scandal. + +"I shall not dwell on the death-bed scene, lively as is the remembrance, +or on the emotion produced by the last grasp of my mother's cold hand; +when blessing me, she added, 'A little patience, and all will be over!' +Ah! my child, how often have those words rung mournfully in my ears--and +I have exclaimed--'A little more patience, and I too shall be at rest!' + +"My father was violently affected by her death, recollected instances of +his unkindness, and wept like a child. + +"My mother had solemnly recommended my sisters to my care, and bid me be +a mother to them. They, indeed, became more dear to me as they became +more forlorn; for, during my mother's illness, I discovered the ruined +state of my father's circumstances, and that he had only been able to +keep up appearances, by the sums which he borrowed of my uncle. + +"My father's grief, and consequent tenderness to his children, quickly +abated, the house grew still more gloomy or riotous; and my refuge from +care was again at Mr. Venables'; the young 'squire having taken his +father's place, and allowing, for the present, his sister to preside at +his table. George, though dissatisfied with his portion of the fortune, +which had till lately been all in trade, visited the family as usual. He +was now full of speculations in trade, and his brow became clouded by +care. He seemed to relax in his attention to me, when the presence of my +uncle gave a new turn to his behaviour. I was too unsuspecting, too +disinterested, to trace these changes to their source. + +My home every day became more and more disagreeable to me; my liberty was +unnecessarily abridged, and my books, on the pretext that they made me +idle, taken from me. My father's mistress was with child, and he, doating +on her, allowed or overlooked her vulgar manner of tyrannizing over us. I +was indignant, especially when I saw her endeavouring to attract, shall I +say seduce? my younger brother. By allowing women but one way of rising +in the world, the fostering the libertinism of men, society makes +monsters of them, and then their ignoble vices are brought forward as a +proof of inferiority of intellect. + +The wearisomeness of my situation can scarcely be described. Though my +life had not passed in the most even tenour with my mother, it was +paradise to that I was destined to endure with my father's mistress, +jealous of her illegitimate authority. My father's former occasional +tenderness, in spite of his violence of temper, had been soothing to me; +but now he only met me with reproofs or portentous frowns. The +house-keeper, as she was now termed, was the vulgar despot of the family; +and assuming the new character of a fine lady, she could never forgive +the contempt which was sometimes visible in my countenance, when she +uttered with pomposity her bad English, or affected to be well bred. + +To my uncle I ventured to open my heart; and he, with his wonted +benevolence, began to consider in what manner he could extricate me out +of my present irksome situation. In spite of his own disappointment, or, +most probably, actuated by the feelings that had been petrified, not +cooled, in all their sanguine fervour, like a boiling torrent of lava +suddenly dashing into the sea, he thought a marriage of mutual +inclination (would envious stars permit it) the only chance for happiness +in this disastrous world. George Venables had the reputation of being +attentive to business, and my father's example gave great weight to this +circumstance; for habits of order in business would, he conceived, extend +to the regulation of the affections in domestic life. George seldom spoke +in my uncle's company, except to utter a short, judicious question, or to +make a pertinent remark, with all due deference to his superior judgment; +so that my uncle seldom left his company without observing, that the +young man had more in him than people supposed. + +In this opinion he was not singular; yet, believe me, and I am not swayed +by resentment, these speeches so justly poized, this silent deference, +when the animal spirits of other young people were throwing off youthful +ebullitions, were not the effect of thought or humility, but sheer +barrenness of mind, and want of imagination. A colt of mettle will curvet +and shew his paces. Yes; my dear girl, these prudent young men want all +the fire necessary to ferment their faculties, and are characterized as +wise, only because they are not foolish. It is true, that George was by +no means so great a favourite of mine as during the first year of our +acquaintance; still, as he often coincided in opinion with me, and echoed +my sentiments; and having myself no other attachment, I heard with +pleasure my uncle's proposal; but thought more of obtaining my freedom, +than of my lover. But, when George, seemingly anxious for my happiness, +pressed me to quit my present painful situation, my heart swelled with +gratitude--I knew not that my uncle had promised him five thousand +pounds. + +Had this truly generous man mentioned his intention to me, I should have +insisted on a thousand pounds being settled on each of my sisters; George +would have contested; I should have seen his selfish soul; and--gracious +God! have been spared the misery of discovering, when too late, that I +was united to a heartless, unprincipled wretch. All my schemes of +usefulness would not then have been blasted. The tenderness of my heart +would not have heated my imagination with visions of the ineffable +delight of happy love; nor would the sweet duty of a mother have been so +cruelly interrupted. + +But I must not suffer the fortitude I have so hardly acquired, to be +undermined by unavailing regret. Let me hasten forward to describe the +turbid stream in which I had to wade--but let me exultingly declare that +it is passed--my soul holds fellowship with him no more. He cut the +Gordian knot, which my principles, mistaken ones, respected; he dissolved +the tie, the fetters rather, that ate into my very vitals--and I should +rejoice, conscious that my mind is freed, though confined in hell itself; +the only place that even fancy can imagine more dreadful than my present +abode. + +These varying emotions will not allow me to proceed. I heave sigh after +sigh; yet my heart is still oppressed. For what am I reserved? Why was I +not born a man, or why was I born at all? + + +END OF VOL. I. + + + + +POSTHUMOUS WORKS + +OF + +MARY WOLLSTONECRAFT GODWIN. + +VOL. II. + + +POSTHUMOUS WORKS + +OF THE + +AUTHOR + +OF A + +VINDICATION OF THE RIGHTS OF WOMAN. + +IN FOUR VOLUMES. + + * * * * * + +VOL. II. + + * * * * * + +_LONDON:_ + +PRINTED FOR J. JOHNSON, NO. 72, ST. PAUL'S + CHURCH-YARD; AND G. G. AND J. ROBINSON, + PATERNOSTER-ROW. + 1798. + + + +THE + +WRONGS OF WOMAN: + +OR, + +MARIA. + +A FRAGMENT. + +IN TWO VOLUMES. + + +VOL. II. + + + + +_WRONGS_ + +OF + +WOMAN. + + + + +CHAP. IX. + + +"I RESUME my pen to fly from thought. I was married; and we hastened to +London. I had purposed taking one of my sisters with me; for a strong +motive for marrying, was the desire of having a home at which I could +receive them, now their own grew so uncomfortable, as not to deserve the +cheering appellation. An objection was made to her accompanying me, that +appeared plausible; and I reluctantly acquiesced. I was however willingly +allowed to take with me Molly, poor Peggy's daughter. London and +preferment, are ideas commonly associated in the country; and, as +blooming as May, she bade adieu to Peggy with weeping eyes. I did not +even feel hurt at the refusal in relation to my sister, till hearing what +my uncle had done for me, I had the simplicity to request, speaking with +warmth of their situation, that he would give them a thousand pounds +a-piece, which seemed to me but justice. He asked me, giving me a kiss, +'If I had lost my senses?' I started back, as if I had found a wasp in a +rose-bush. I expostulated. He sneered; and the demon of discord entered +our paradise, to poison with his pestiferous breath every opening joy. + +"I had sometimes observed defects in my husband's understanding; but, led +astray by a prevailing opinion, that goodness of disposition is of the +first importance in the relative situations of life, in proportion as I +perceived the narrowness of his understanding, fancy enlarged the +boundary of his heart. Fatal error! How quickly is the so much vaunted +milkiness of nature turned into gall, by an intercourse with the world, +if more generous juices do not sustain the vital source of virtue! + +"One trait in my character was extreme credulity; but, when my eyes were +once opened, I saw but too clearly all I had before overlooked. My +husband was sunk in my esteem; still there are youthful emotions, which, +for a while, fill up the chasm of love and friendship. Besides, it +required some time to enable me to see his whole character in a just +light, or rather to allow it to become fixed. While circumstances were +ripening my faculties, and cultivating my taste, commerce and gross +relaxations were shutting his against any possibility of improvement, +till, by stifling every spark of virtue in himself, he began to imagine +that it no where existed. + +"Do not let me lead you astray, my child, I do not mean to assert, that +any human being is entirely incapable of feeling the generous emotions, +which are the foundation of every true principle of virtue; but they are +frequently, I fear, so feeble, that, like the inflammable quality which +more or less lurks in all bodies, they often lie for ever dormant; the +circumstances never occurring, necessary to call them into action. + +"I discovered however by chance, that, in consequence of some losses in +trade, the natural effect of his gambling desire to start suddenly into +riches, the five thousand pounds given me by my uncle, had been paid very +opportunely. This discovery, strange as you may think the assertion, gave +me pleasure; my husband's embarrassments endeared him to me. I was glad +to find an excuse for his conduct to my sisters, and my mind became +calmer. + +"My uncle introduced me to some literary society; and the theatres were a +never-failing source of amusement to me. My delighted eye followed Mrs. +Siddons, when, with dignified delicacy, she played Calista; and I +involuntarily repeated after her, in the same tone, and with a +long-drawn sigh, + + 'Hearts like our's were pair'd--not match'd.' + +"These were, at first, spontaneous emotions, though, becoming acquainted +with men of wit and polished manners, I could not sometimes help +regretting my early marriage; and that, in my haste to escape from a +temporary dependence, and expand my newly fledged wings, in an unknown +sky, I had been caught in a trap, and caged for life. Still the novelty +of London, and the attentive fondness of my husband, for he had some +personal regard for me, made several months glide away. Yet, not +forgetting the situation of my sisters, who were still very young, I +prevailed on my uncle to settle a thousand pounds on each; and to place +them in a school near town, where I could frequently visit, as well as +have them at home with me. + +"I now tried to improve my husband's taste, but we had few subjects in +common; indeed he soon appeared to have little relish for my society, +unless he was hinting to me the use he could make of my uncle's wealth. +When we had company, I was disgusted by an ostentatious display of +riches, and I have often quitted the room, to avoid listening to +exaggerated tales of money obtained by lucky hits. + +"With all my attention and affectionate interest, I perceived that I +could not become the friend or confident of my husband. Every thing I +learned relative to his affairs I gathered up by accident; and I vainly +endeavoured to establish, at our fire-side, that social converse, which +often renders people of different characters dear to each other. +Returning from the theatre, or any amusing party, I frequently began to +relate what I had seen and highly relished; but with sullen taciturnity +he soon silenced me. I seemed therefore gradually to lose, in his +society, the soul, the energies of which had just been in action. To such +a degree, in fact, did his cold, reserved manner affect me, that, after +spending some days with him alone, I have imagined myself the most stupid +creature in the world, till the abilities of some casual visitor +convinced me that I had some dormant animation, and sentiments above the +dust in which I had been groveling. The very countenance of my husband +changed; his complexion became sallow, and all the charms of youth were +vanishing with its vivacity. + +"I give you one view of the subject; but these experiments and +alterations took up the space of five years; during which period, I had +most reluctantly extorted several sums from my uncle, to save my husband, +to use his own words, from destruction. At first it was to prevent bills +being noted, to the injury of his credit; then to bail him; and +afterwards to prevent an execution from entering the house. I began at +last to conclude, that he would have made more exertions of his own to +extricate himself, had he not relied on mine, cruel as was the task he +imposed on me; and I firmly determined that I would make use of no more +pretexts. + +"From the moment I pronounced this determination, indifference on his +part was changed into rudeness, or something worse. + +"He now seldom dined at home, and continually returned at a late hour, +drunk, to bed. I retired to another apartment; I was glad, I own, to +escape from his; for personal intimacy without affection, seemed, to me +the most degrading, as well as the most painful state in which a woman of +any taste, not to speak of the peculiar delicacy of fostered sensibility, +could be placed. But my husband's fondness for women was of the grossest +kind, and imagination was so wholly out of the question, as to render his +indulgences of this sort entirely promiscuous, and of the most brutal +nature. My health suffered, before my heart was entirely estranged by the +loathsome information; could I then have returned to his sullied arms, +but as a victim to the prejudices of mankind, who have made women the +property of their husbands? I discovered even, by his conversation, when +intoxicated, that his favourites were wantons of the lowest class, who +could by their vulgar, indecent mirth, which he called nature, rouse his +sluggish spirits. Meretricious ornaments and manners were necessary to +attract his attention. He seldom looked twice at a modest woman, and sat +silent in their company; and the charms of youth and beauty had not the +slightest effect on his senses, unless the possessors were initiated in +vice. His intimacy with profligate women, and his habits of thinking, +gave him a contempt for female endowments; and he would repeat, when +wine had loosed his tongue, most of the common-place sarcasms levelled at +them, by men who do not allow them to have minds, because mind would be +an impediment to gross enjoyment. Men who are inferior to their fellow +men, are always most anxious to establish their superiority over women. +But where are these reflections leading me? + +"Women who have lost their husband's affection, are justly reproved for +neglecting their persons, and not taking the same pains to keep, as to +gain a heart; but who thinks of giving the same advice to men, though +women are continually stigmatized for being attached to fops; and from +the nature of their education, are more susceptible of disgust? Yet why a +woman should be expected to endure a sloven, with more patience than a +man, and magnanimously to govern herself, I cannot conceive; unless it be +supposed arrogant in her to look for respect as well as a maintenance. It +is not easy to be pleased, because, after promising to love, in different +circumstances, we are told that it is our duty. I cannot, I am sure +(though, when attending the sick, I never felt disgust) forget my own +sensations, when rising with health and spirit, and after scenting the +sweet morning, I have met my husband at the breakfast table. The active +attention I had been giving to domestic regulations, which were generally +settled before he rose, or a walk, gave a glow to my countenance, that +contrasted with his squallid appearance. The squeamishness of stomach +alone, produced by the last night's intemperance, which he took no pains +to conceal, destroyed my appetite. I think I now see him lolling in an +arm-chair, in a dirty powdering gown, soiled linen, ungartered stockings, +and tangled hair, yawning and stretching himself. The newspaper was +immediately called for, if not brought in on the tea-board, from which he +would scarcely lift his eyes while I poured out the tea, excepting to ask +for some brandy to put into it, or to declare that he could not eat. In +answer to any question, in his best humour, it was a drawling 'What do +you say, child?' But if I demanded money for the house expences, which I +put off till the last moment, his customary reply, often prefaced with an +oath, was, 'Do you think me, madam, made of money?'--The butcher, the +baker, must wait; and, what was worse, I was often obliged to witness +his surly dismission of tradesmen, who were in want of their money, and +whom I sometimes paid with the presents my uncle gave me for my own use. + +"At this juncture my father's mistress, by terrifying his conscience, +prevailed on him to marry her; he was already become a methodist; and my +brother, who now practised for himself, had discovered a flaw in the +settlement made on my mother's children, which set it aside, and he +allowed my father, whose distress made him submit to any thing, a tithe +of his own, or rather our fortune. + +"My sisters had left school, but were unable to endure home, which my +father's wife rendered as disagreeable as possible, to get rid of girls +whom she regarded as spies on her conduct. They were accomplished, yet +you can (may you never be reduced to the same destitute state!) scarcely +conceive the trouble I had to place them in the situation of governesses, +the only one in which even a well-educated woman, with more than ordinary +talents, can struggle for a subsistence; and even this is a dependence +next to menial. Is it then surprising, that so many forlorn women, with +human passions and feelings, take refuge in infamy? Alone in large +mansions, I say alone, because they had no companions with whom they +could converse on equal terms, or from whom they could expect the +endearments of affection, they grew melancholy, and the sound of joy made +them sad; and the youngest, having a more delicate frame, fell into a +decline. It was with great difficulty that I, who now almost supported +the house by loans from my uncle, could prevail on the _master_ of it, to +allow her a room to die in. I watched her sick bed for some months, and +then closed her eyes, gentle spirit! for ever. She was pretty, with very +engaging manners; yet had never an opportunity to marry, excepting to a +very old man. She had abilities sufficient to have shone in any +profession, had there been any professions for women, though she shrunk +at the name of milliner or mantua-maker as degrading to a gentlewoman. I +would not term this feeling false pride to any one but you, my child, +whom I fondly hope to see (yes; I will indulge the hope for a moment!) +possessed of that energy of character which gives dignity to any station; +and with that clear, firm spirit that will enable you to choose a +situation for yourself, or submit to be classed in the lowest, if it be +the only one in which you can be the mistress of your own actions. + +"Soon after the death of my sister, an incident occurred, to prove to me +that the heart of a libertine is dead to natural affection; and to +convince me, that the being who has appeared all tenderness, to gratify a +selfish passion, is as regardless of the innocent fruit of it, as of the +object, when the fit is over. I had casually observed an old, +mean-looking woman, who called on my husband every two or three months to +receive some money. One day entering the passage of his little +counting-house, as she was going out, I heard her say, 'The child is very +weak; she cannot live long, she will soon die out of your way, so you +need not grudge her a little physic.' + +"'So much the better,' he replied, 'and pray mind your own business, good +woman.' + +"I was struck by his unfeeling, inhuman tone of voice, and drew back, +determined when the woman came again, to try to speak to her, not out of +curiosity, I had heard enough, but with the hope of being useful to a +poor, outcast girl. + +"A month or two elapsed before I saw this woman again; and then she had a +child in her hand that tottered along, scarcely able to sustain her own +weight. They were going away, to return at the hour Mr. Venables was +expected; he was now from home. I desired the woman to walk into the +parlour. She hesitated, yet obeyed. I assured her that I should not +mention to my husband (the word seemed to weigh on my respiration), that +I had seen her, or his child. The woman stared at me with astonishment; +and I turned my eyes on the squalid object [that accompanied her.] She +could hardly support herself, her complexion was sallow, and her eyes +inflamed, with an indescribable look of cunning, mixed with the wrinkles +produced by the peevishness of pain. + +"'Poor child!' I exclaimed. 'Ah! you may well say poor child,' replied +the woman. 'I brought her here to see whether he would have the heart to +look at her, and not get some advice. I do not know what they deserve who +nursed her. Why, her legs bent under her like a bow when she came to me, +and she has never been well since; but, if they were no better paid than +I am, it is not to be wondered at, sure enough.' + +"On further enquiry I was informed, that this miserable spectacle was the +daughter of a servant, a country girl, who caught Mr. Venables' eye, and +whom he seduced. On his marriage he sent her away, her situation being +too visible. After her delivery, she was thrown on the town; and died in +an hospital within the year. The babe was sent to a parish-nurse, and +afterwards to this woman, who did not seem much better; but what was to +be expected from such a close bargain? She was only paid three shillings +a week for board and washing. + +"The woman begged me to give her some old clothes for the child, assuring +me, that she was almost afraid to ask master for money to buy even a +pair of shoes. + +"I grew sick at heart. And, fearing Mr. Venables might enter, and oblige +me to express my abhorrence, I hastily enquired where she lived, promised +to pay her two shillings a week more, and to call on her in a day or two; +putting a trifle into her hand as a proof of my good intention. + +"If the state of this child affected me, what were my feelings at a +discovery I made respecting Peggy----?[22-A] + +FOOTNOTES: + +[22-A] The manuscript is imperfect here. An episode seems to have been +intended, which was never committed to paper. + +EDITOR. + + + + +CHAP. X. + + +"MY father's situation was now so distressing, that I prevailed on my +uncle to accompany me to visit him; and to lend me his assistance, to +prevent the whole property of the family from becoming the prey of my +brother's rapacity; for, to extricate himself out of present +difficulties, my father was totally regardless of futurity. I took down +with me some presents for my step-mother; it did not require an effort +for me to treat her with civility, or to forget the past. + +"This was the first time I had visited my native village, since my +marriage. But with what different emotions did I return from the busy +world, with a heavy weight of experience benumbing my imagination, to +scenes, that whispered recollections of joy and hope most eloquently to +my heart! The first scent of the wild flowers from the heath, thrilled +through my veins, awakening every sense to pleasure. The icy hand of +despair seemed to be removed from my bosom; and--forgetting my +husband--the nurtured visions of a romantic mind, bursting on me with all +their original wildness and gay exuberance, were again hailed as sweet +realities. I forgot, with equal facility, that I ever felt sorrow, or +knew care in the country; while a transient rainbow stole athwart the +cloudy sky of despondency. The picturesque form of several favourite +trees, and the porches of rude cottages, with their smiling hedges, were +recognized with the gladsome playfulness of childish vivacity. I could +have kissed the chickens that pecked on the common; and longed to pat the +cows, and frolic with the dogs that sported on it. I gazed with delight +on the windmill, and thought it lucky that it should be in motion, at the +moment I passed by; and entering the dear green lane, which led directly +to the village, the sound of the well-known rookery gave that sentimental +tinge to the varying sensations of my active soul, which only served to +heighten the lustre of the luxuriant scenery. But, spying, as I advanced, +the spire, peeping over the withered tops of the aged elms that composed +the rookery, my thoughts flew immediately to the church-yard, and tears +of affection, such was the effect of my imagination, bedewed my mother's +grave! Sorrow gave place to devotional feelings. I wandered through the +church in fancy, as I used sometimes to do on a Saturday evening. I +recollected with what fervour I addressed the God of my youth: and once +more with rapturous love looked above my sorrows to the Father of nature. +I pause--feeling forcibly all the emotions I am describing; and +(reminded, as I register my sorrows, of the sublime calm I have felt, +when in some tremendous solitude, my soul rested on itself, and seemed to +fill the universe) I insensibly breathe soft, hushing every wayward +emotion, as if fearing to sully with a sigh, a contentment so extatic. + +"Having settled my father's affairs, and, by my exertions in his favour, +made my brother my sworn foe, I returned to London. My husband's conduct +was now changed; I had during my absence, received several affectionate, +penitential letters from him; and he seemed on my arrival, to wish by his +behaviour to prove his sincerity. I could not then conceive why he acted +thus; and, when the suspicion darted into my head, that it might arise +from observing my increasing influence with my uncle, I almost despised +myself for imagining that such a degree of debasing selfishness could +exist. + +"He became, unaccountable as was the change, tender and attentive; and, +attacking my weak side, made a confession of his follies, and lamented +the embarrassments in which I, who merited a far different fate, might be +involved. He besought me to aid him with my counsel, praised my +understanding, and appealed to the tenderness of my heart. + +"This conduct only inspired me with compassion. I wished to be his +friend; but love had spread his rosy pinions, and fled far, far away; and +had not (like some exquisite perfumes, the fine spirit of which is +continually mingling with the air) left a fragrance behind, to mark where +he had shook his wings. My husband's renewed caresses then became hateful +to me; his brutality was tolerable, compared to his distasteful fondness. +Still, compassion, and the fear of insulting his supposed feelings, by a +want of sympathy, made me dissemble, and do violence to my delicacy. What +a task! + +"Those who support a system of what I term false refinement, and will +not allow great part of love in the female, as well as male breast, to +spring in some respects involuntarily, may not admit that charms are as +necessary to feed the passion, as virtues to convert the mellowing spirit +into friendship. To such observers I have nothing to say, any more than +to the moralists, who insist that women ought to, and can love their +husbands, because it is their duty. To you, my child, I may add, with a +heart tremblingly alive to your future conduct, some observations, +dictated by my present feelings, on calmly reviewing this period of my +life. When novelists or moralists praise as a virtue, a woman's coldness +of constitution, and want of passion; and make her yield to the ardour of +her lover out of sheer compassion, or to promote a frigid plan of future +comfort, I am disgusted. They may be good women, in the ordinary +acceptation of the phrase, and do no harm; but they appear to me not to +have those 'finely fashioned nerves,' which render the senses exquisite. +They may possess tenderness; but they want that fire of the imagination, +which produces _active_ sensibility, and _positive_ virtue. How does the +woman deserve to be characterized, who marries one man, with a heart and +imagination devoted to another? Is she not an object of pity or contempt, +when thus sacrilegiously violating the purity of her own feelings? Nay, +it is as indelicate, when she is indifferent, unless she be +constitutionally insensible; then indeed it is a mere affair of barter; +and I have nothing to do with the secrets of trade. Yes; eagerly as I +wish you to possess true rectitude of mind, and purity of affection, I +must insist that a heartless conduct is the contrary of virtuous. Truth +is the only basis of virtue; and we cannot, without depraving our minds, +endeavour to please a lover or husband, but in proportion as he pleases +us. Men, more effectually to enslave us, may inculcate this partial +morality, and lose sight of virtue in subdividing it into the duties of +particular stations; but let us not blush for nature without a cause! + +"After these remarks, I am ashamed to own, that I was pregnant. The +greatest sacrifice of my principles in my whole life, was the allowing my +husband again to be familiar with my person, though to this cruel act of +self-denial, when I wished the earth to open and swallow me, you owe your +birth; and I the unutterable pleasure of being a mother. There was +something of delicacy in my husband's bridal attentions; but now his +tainted breath, pimpled face, and blood-shot eyes, were not more +repugnant to my senses, than his gross manners, and loveless familiarity +to my taste. + +"A man would only be expected to maintain; yes, barely grant a +subsistence, to a woman rendered odious by habitual intoxication; but who +would expect him, or think it possible to love her? And unless 'youth, +and genial years were flown,' it would be thought equally unreasonable to +insist, [under penalty of] forfeiting almost every thing reckoned +valuable in life, that he should not love another: whilst woman, weak in +reason, impotent in will, is required to moralize, sentimentalize herself +to stone, and pine her life away, labouring to reform her embruted mate. +He may even spend in dissipation, and intemperance, the very intemperance +which renders him so hateful, her property, and by stinting her expences, +not permit her to beguile in society, a wearisome, joyless life; for over +their mutual fortune she has no power, it must all pass through his hand. +And if she be a mother, and in the present state of women, it is a great +misfortune to be prevented from discharging the duties, and cultivating +the affections of one, what has she not to endure?--But I have suffered +the tenderness of one to lead me into reflections that I did not think of +making, to interrupt my narrative--yet the full heart will overflow. + +"Mr. Venables' embarrassments did not now endear him to me; still, +anxious to befriend him, I endeavoured to prevail on him to retrench his +expences; but he had always some plausible excuse to give, to justify his +not following my advice. Humanity, compassion, and the interest produced +by a habit of living together, made me try to relieve, and sympathize +with him; but, when I recollected that I was bound to live with such a +being for ever--my heart died within me; my desire of improvement became +languid, and baleful, corroding melancholy took possession of my soul. +Marriage had bastilled me for life. I discovered in myself a capacity for +the enjoyment of the various pleasures existence affords; yet, fettered +by the partial laws of society, this fair globe was to me an universal +blank. + +"When I exhorted my husband to economy, I referred to himself. I was +obliged to practise the most rigid, or contract debts, which I had too +much reason to fear would never be paid. I despised this paltry privilege +of a wife, which can only be of use to the vicious or inconsiderate, and +determined not to increase the torrent that was bearing him down. I was +then ignorant of the extent of his fraudulent speculations, whom I was +bound to honour and obey. + +"A woman neglected by her husband, or whose manners form a striking +contrast with his, will always have men on the watch to soothe and +flatter her. Besides, the forlorn state of a neglected woman, not +destitute of personal charms, is particularly interesting, and rouses +that species of pity, which is so near akin, it easily slides into love. +A man of feeling thinks not of seducing, he is himself seduced by all the +noblest emotions of his soul. He figures to himself all the sacrifices a +woman of sensibility must make, and every situation in which his +imagination places her, touches his heart, and fires his passions. +Longing to take to his bosom the shorn lamb, and bid the drooping buds of +hope revive, benevolence changes into passion: and should he then +discover that he is beloved, honour binds him fast, though foreseeing +that he may afterwards be obliged to pay severe damages to the man, who +never appeared to value his wife's society, till he found that there was +a chance of his being indemnified for the loss of it. + +"Such are the partial laws enacted by men; for, only to lay a stress on +the dependent state of a woman in the grand question of the comforts +arising from the possession of property, she is [even in this article] +much more injured by the loss of the husband's affection, than he by that +of his wife; yet where is she, condemned to the solitude of a deserted +home, to look for a compensation from the woman, who seduces him from +her? She cannot drive an unfaithful husband from his house, nor separate, +or tear, his children from him, however culpable he may be; and he, still +the master of his own fate, enjoys the smiles of a world, that would +brand her with infamy, did she, seeking consolation, venture to +retaliate. + +"These remarks are not dictated by experience; but merely by the +compassion I feel for many amiable women, the _out-laws_ of the world. +For myself, never encouraging any of the advances that were made to me, +my lovers dropped off like the untimely shoots of spring. I did not even +coquet with them; because I found, on examining myself, I could not +coquet with a man without loving him a little; and I perceived that I +should not be able to stop at the line of what are termed _innocent +freedoms_, did I suffer any. My reserve was then the consequence of +delicacy. Freedom of conduct has emancipated many women's minds; but my +conduct has most rigidly been governed by my principles, till the +improvement of my understanding has enabled me to discern the fallacy of +prejudices at war with nature and reason. + +"Shortly after the change I have mentioned in my husband's conduct, my +uncle was compelled by his declining health, to seek the succour of a +milder climate, and embark for Lisbon. He left his will in the hands of a +friend, an eminent solicitor; he had previously questioned me relative to +my situation and state of mind, and declared very freely, that he could +place no reliance on the stability of my husband's professions. He had +been deceived in the unfolding of his character; he now thought it fixed +in a train of actions that would inevitably lead to ruin and disgrace. + +"The evening before his departure, which we spent alone together, he +folded me to his heart, uttering the endearing appellation of +'child.'--My more than father! why was I not permitted to perform the +last duties of one, and smooth the pillow of death? He seemed by his +manner to be convinced that he should never see me more; yet requested +me, most earnestly, to come to him, should I be obliged to leave my +husband. He had before expressed his sorrow at hearing of my pregnancy, +having determined to prevail on me to accompany him, till I informed him +of that circumstance. He expressed himself unfeignedly sorry that any new +tie should bind me to a man whom he thought so incapable of estimating my +value; such was the kind language of affection. + +"I must repeat his own words; they made an indelible impression on my +mind: + +"'The marriage state is certainly that in which women, generally +speaking, can be most useful; but I am far from thinking that a woman, +once married, ought to consider the engagement as indissoluble +(especially if there be no children to reward her for sacrificing her +feelings) in case her husband merits neither her love, nor esteem. Esteem +will often supply the place of love; and prevent a woman from being +wretched, though it may not make her happy. The magnitude of a sacrifice +ought always to bear some proportion to the utility in view; and for a +woman to live with a man, for whom she can cherish neither affection nor +esteem, or even be of any use to him, excepting in the light of a +house-keeper, is an abjectness of condition, the enduring of which no +concurrence of circumstances can ever make a duty in the sight of God or +just men. If indeed she submits to it merely to be maintained in +idleness, she has no right to complain bitterly of her fate; or to act, +as a person of independent character might, as if she had a title to +disregard general rules. + +"'But the misfortune is, that many women only submit in appearance, and +forfeit their own respect to secure their reputation in the world. The +situation of a woman separated from her husband, is undoubtedly very +different from that of a man who has left his wife. He, with lordly +dignity, has shaken of a clog; and the allowing her food and raiment, is +thought sufficient to secure his reputation from taint. And, should she +have been inconsiderate, he will be celebrated for his generosity and +forbearance. Such is the respect paid to the master-key of property! A +woman, on the contrary, resigning what is termed her natural protector +(though he never was so, but in name) is despised and shunned, for +asserting the independence of mind distinctive of a rational being, and +spurning at slavery.' + +"During the remainder of the evening, my uncle's tenderness led him +frequently to revert to the subject, and utter, with increasing warmth, +sentiments to the same purport. At length it was necessary to say +'Farewell!'--and we parted--gracious God! to meet no more. + + + + +CHAP. XI. + + +"A GENTLEMAN of large fortune and of polished manners, had lately visited +very frequently at our house, and treated me, if possible, with more +respect than Mr. Venables paid him; my pregnancy was not yet visible, his +society was a great relief to me, as I had for some time past, to avoid +expence, confined myself very much at home. I ever disdained unnecessary, +perhaps even prudent concealments; and my husband, with great ease, +discovered the amount of my uncle's parting present. A copy of a writ was +the stale pretext to extort it from me; and I had soon reason to believe +that it was fabricated for the purpose. I acknowledge my folly in thus +suffering myself to be continually imposed on. I had adhered to my +resolution not to apply to my uncle, on the part of my husband, any more; +yet, when I had received a sum sufficient to supply my own wants, and to +enable me to pursue a plan I had in view, to settle my younger brother in +a respectable employment, I allowed myself to be duped by Mr. Venables' +shallow pretences, and hypocritical professions. + +"Thus did he pillage me and my family, thus frustrate all my plans of +usefulness. Yet this was the man I was bound to respect and esteem: as if +respect and esteem depended on an arbitrary will of our own! But a wife +being as much a man's property as his horse, or his ass, she has nothing +she can call her own. He may use any means to get at what the law +considers as his, the moment his wife is in possession of it, even to the +forcing of a lock, as Mr. Venables did, to search for notes in my +writing-desk--and all this is done with a show of equity, because, +forsooth, he is responsible for her maintenance. + +"The tender mother cannot _lawfully_ snatch from the gripe of the +gambling spendthrift, or beastly drunkard, unmindful of his offspring, +the fortune which falls to her by chance; or (so flagrant is the +injustice) what she earns by her own exertions. No; he can rob her with +impunity, even to waste publicly on a courtezan; and the laws of her +country--if women have a country--afford her no protection or redress +from the oppressor, unless she have the plea of bodily fear; yet how +many ways are there of goading the soul almost to madness, equally +unmanly, though not so mean? When such laws were framed, should not +impartial lawgivers have first decreed, in the style of a great assembly, +who recognized the existence of an _être suprême_, to fix the national +belief, that the husband should always be wiser and more virtuous than +his wife, in order to entitle him, with a show of justice, to keep this +idiot, or perpetual minor, for ever in bondage. But I must have done--on +this subject, my indignation continually runs away with me. + +"The company of the gentleman I have already mentioned, who had a general +acquaintance with literature and subjects of taste, was grateful to me; +my countenance brightened up as he approached, and I unaffectedly +expressed the pleasure I felt. The amusement his conversation afforded +me, made it easy to comply with my husband's request, to endeavour to +render our house agreeable to him. + +"His attentions became more pointed; but, as I was not of the number of +women, whose virtue, as it is termed, immediately takes alarm, I +endeavoured, rather by raillery than serious expostulation, to give a +different turn to his conversation. He assumed a new mode of attack, and +I was, for a while, the dupe of his pretended friendship. + +"I had, merely in the style of _badinage_, boasted of my conquest, and +repeated his lover-like compliments to my husband. But he begged me, for +God's sake, not to affront his friend, or I should destroy all his +projects, and be his ruin. Had I had more affection for my husband, I +should have expressed my contempt of this time-serving politeness: now I +imagined that I only felt pity; yet it would have puzzled a casuist to +point out in what the exact difference consisted. + +"This friend began now, in confidence, to discover to me the real state +of my husband's affairs. 'Necessity,' said Mr. S----; why should I reveal +his name? for he affected to palliate the conduct he could not excuse, +'had led him to take such steps, by accommodation bills, buying goods on +credit, to sell them for ready money, and similar transactions, that his +character in the commercial world was gone. He was considered,' he added, +lowering his voice, 'on 'Change as a swindler.' + +"I felt at that moment the first maternal pang. Aware of the evils my sex +have to struggle with, I still wished, for my own consolation, to be the +mother of a daughter; and I could not bear to think, that the _sins_ of +her father's entailed disgrace, should be added to the ills to which +woman is heir. + +"So completely was I deceived by these shows of friendship (nay, I +believe, according to his interpretation, Mr. S--really was my friend) +that I began to consult him respecting the best mode of retrieving my +husband's character: it is the good name of a woman only that sets to +rise no more. I knew not that he had been drawn into a whirlpool, out of +which he had not the energy to attempt to escape. He seemed indeed +destitute of the power of employing his faculties in any regular +pursuit. His principles of action were so loose, and his mind so +uncultivated, that every thing like order appeared to him in the shape of +restraint; and, like men in the savage state, he required the strong +stimulus of hope or fear, produced by wild speculations, in which the +interests of others went for nothing, to keep his spirits awake. He one +time possessed patriotism, but he knew not what it was to feel honest +indignation; and pretended to be an advocate for liberty, when, with as +little affection for the human race as for individuals, he thought of +nothing but his own gratification. He was just such a citizen, as a +father. The sums he adroitly obtained by a violation of the laws of his +country, as well as those of humanity, he would allow a mistress to +squander; though she was, with the same _sang froid_, consigned, as were +his children, to poverty, when another proved more attractive. + +"On various pretences, his friend continued to visit me; and, observing +my want of money, he tried to induce me to accept of pecuniary aid; but +this offer I absolutely rejected, though it was made with such delicacy, +I could not be displeased. + +"One day he came, as I thought accidentally, to dinner. My husband was +very much engaged in business, and quitted the room soon after the cloth +was removed. We conversed as usual, till confidential advice led again to +love. I was extremely mortified. I had a sincere regard for him, and +hoped that he had an equal friendship for me. I therefore began mildly to +expostulate with him. This gentleness he mistook for coy encouragement; +and he would not be diverted from the subject. Perceiving his mistake, I +seriously asked him how, using such language to me, he could profess to +be my husband's friend? A significant sneer excited my curiosity, and he, +supposing this to be my only scruple, took a letter deliberately out of +his pocket, saying, 'Your husband's honour is not inflexible. How could +you, with your discernment, think it so? Why, he left the room this very +day on purpose to give me an opportunity to explain myself; _he_ thought +me too timid--too tardy.' + +"I snatched the letter with indescribable emotion. The purport of it was +to invite him to dinner, and to ridicule his chivalrous respect for me. +He assured him, 'that every woman had her price, and, with gross +indecency, hinted, that he should be glad to have the duty of a husband +taken off his hands. These he termed _liberal sentiments_. He advised him +not to shock my romantic notions, but to attack my credulous generosity, +and weak pity; and concluded with requesting him to lend him five hundred +pounds for a month or six weeks.' I read this letter twice over; and the +firm purpose it inspired, calmed the rising tumult of my soul. I rose +deliberately, requested Mr. S---- to wait a moment, and instantly going +into the counting-house, desired Mr. Venables to return with me to the +dining-parlour. + +"He laid down his pen, and entered with me, without observing any change +in my countenance. I shut the door, and, giving him the letter, simply +asked, 'whether he wrote it, or was it a forgery?' + +"Nothing could equal his confusion. His friend's eye met his, and he +muttered something about a joke--But I interrupted him--'It is +sufficient--We part for ever.' + +"I continued, with solemnity, 'I have borne with your tyranny and +infidelities. I disdain to utter what I have borne with. I thought you +unprincipled, but not so decidedly vicious. I formed a tie, in the sight +of heaven--I have held it sacred; even when men, more conformable to my +taste, have made me feel--I despise all subterfuge!--that I was not dead +to love. Neglected by you, I have resolutely stifled the enticing +emotions, and respected the plighted faith you outraged. And you dare now +to insult me, by selling me to prostitution!--Yes--equally lost to +delicacy and principle--you dared sacrilegiously to barter the honour of +the mother of your child.' + +"Then, turning to Mr. S----, I added, 'I call on you, Sir, to witness,' +and I lifted my hands and eyes to heaven, 'that, as solemnly as I took +his name, I now abjure it,' I pulled off my ring, and put it on the +table; 'and that I mean immediately to quit his house, never to enter it +more. I will provide for myself and child. I leave him as free as I am +determined to be myself--he shall be answerable for no debts of mine.' + +"Astonishment closed their lips, till Mr. Venables, gently pushing his +friend, with a forced smile, out of the room, nature for a moment +prevailed, and, appearing like himself, he turned round, burning with +rage, to me: but there was no terror in the frown, excepting when +contrasted with the malignant smile which preceded it. He bade me 'leave +the house at my peril; told me he despised my threats; I had no resource; +I could not swear the peace against him!--I was not afraid of my +life!--he had never struck me!' + +"He threw the letter in the fire, which I had incautiously left in his +hands; and, quitting the room, locked the door on me. + +"When left alone, I was a moment or two before I could recollect myself. +One scene had succeeded another with such rapidity, I almost doubted +whether I was reflecting on a real event. 'Was it possible? Was I, +indeed, free?'--Yes; free I termed myself, when I decidedly perceived +the conduct I ought to adopt. How had I panted for liberty--liberty, that +I would have purchased at any price, but that of my own esteem! I rose, +and shook myself; opened the window, and methought the air never smelled +so sweet. The face of heaven grew fairer as I viewed it, and the clouds +seemed to flit away obedient to my wishes, to give my soul room to +expand. I was all soul, and (wild as it may appear) felt as if I could +have dissolved in the soft balmy gale that kissed my cheek, or have +glided below the horizon on the glowing, descending beams. A seraphic +satisfaction animated, without agitating my spirits; and my imagination +collected, in visions sublimely terrible, or soothingly beautiful, an +immense variety of the endless images, which nature affords, and fancy +combines, of the grand and fair. The lustre of these bright picturesque +sketches faded with the setting sun; but I was still alive to the calm +delight they had diffused through my heart. + +"There may be advocates for matrimonial obedience, who, making a +distinction between the duty of a wife and of a human being, may blame my +conduct.--To them I write not--my feelings are not for them to analyze; +and may you, my child, never be able to ascertain, by heart-rending +experience, what your mother felt before the present emancipation of her +mind! + +"I began to write a letter to my father, after closing one to my uncle; +not to ask advice, but to signify my determination; when I was +interrupted by the entrance of Mr. Venables. His manner was changed. His +views on my uncle's fortune made him averse to my quitting his house, or +he would, I am convinced, have been glad to have shaken off even the +slight restraint my presence imposed on him; the restraint of showing me +some respect. So far from having an affection for me, he really hated me, +because he was convinced that I must despise him. + +"He told me, that, 'As I now had had time to cool and reflect, he did not +doubt but that my prudence, and nice sense of propriety, would lead me to +overlook what was passed.' + +"'Reflection,' I replied, 'had only confirmed my purpose, and no power on +earth could divert me from it.' + +"Endeavouring to assume a soothing voice and look, when he would +willingly have tortured me, to force me to feel his power, his +countenance had an infernal expression, when he desired me, 'Not to +expose myself to the servants, by obliging him to confine me in my +apartment; if then I would give my promise not to quit the house +precipitately, I should be free--and--.' I declared, interrupting him, +'that I would promise nothing. I had no measures to keep with him--I was +resolved, and would not condescend to subterfuge.' + +"He muttered, 'that I should soon repent of these preposterous airs;' +and, ordering tea to be carried into my little study, which had a +communication with my bed-chamber, he once more locked the door upon me, +and left me to my own meditations. I had passively followed him up +stairs, not wishing to fatigue myself with unavailing exertion. + +"Nothing calms the mind like a fixed purpose. I felt as if I had heaved +a thousand weight from my heart; the atmosphere seemed lightened; and, if +I execrated the institutions of society, which thus enable men to +tyrannize over women, it was almost a disinterested sentiment. I +disregarded present inconveniences, when my mind had done struggling with +itself,--when reason and inclination had shaken hands and were at peace. +I had no longer the cruel task before me, in endless perspective, aye, +during the tedious for ever of life, of labouring to overcome my +repugnance--of labouring to extinguish the hopes, the maybes of a lively +imagination. Death I had hailed as my only chance for deliverance; but, +while existence had still so many charms, and life promised happiness, I +shrunk from the icy arms of an unknown tyrant, though far more inviting +than those of the man, to whom I supposed myself bound without any other +alternative; and was content to linger a little longer, waiting for I +knew not what, rather than leave 'the warm precincts of the cheerful +day,' and all the unenjoyed affection of my nature. + +"My present situation gave a new turn to my reflection; and I wondered +(now the film seemed to be withdrawn, that obscured the piercing sight of +reason) how I could, previously to the deciding outrage, have considered +myself as everlastingly united to vice and folly? 'Had an evil genius +cast a spell at my birth; or a demon stalked out of chaos, to perplex my +understanding, and enchain my will, with delusive prejudices?' + +"I pursued this train of thinking; it led me out of myself, to expatiate +on the misery peculiar to my sex. 'Are not,' I thought, 'the despots for +ever stigmatized, who, in the wantonness of power, commanded even the +most atrocious criminals to be chained to dead bodies? though surely +those laws are much more inhuman, which forge adamantine fetters to bind +minds together, that never can mingle in social communion! What indeed +can equal the wretchedness of that state, in which there is no +alternative, but to extinguish the affections, or encounter infamy?' + + + + +CHAP. XII. + + +"TOWARDS midnight Mr. Venables entered my chamber; and, with calm +audacity preparing to go to bed, he bade me make haste, 'for that was the +best place for husbands and wives to end their differences. He had been +drinking plentifully to aid his courage. + +"I did not at first deign to reply. But perceiving that he affected to +take my silence for consent, I told him that, 'If he would not go to +another bed, or allow me, I should sit up in my study all night.' He +attempted to pull me into the chamber, half joking. But I resisted; and, +as he had determined not to give me any reason for saying that he used +violence, after a few more efforts, he retired, cursing my obstinacy, to +bed. + +"I sat musing some time longer; then, throwing my cloak around me, +prepared for sleep on a sopha. And, so fortunate seemed my deliverance, +so sacred the pleasure of being thus wrapped up in myself, that I slept +profoundly, and woke with a mind composed to encounter the struggles of +the day. Mr. Venables did not wake till some hours after; and then he +came to me half-dressed, yawning and stretching, with haggard eyes, as if +he scarcely recollected what had passed the preceding evening. He fixed +his eyes on me for a moment, then, calling me a fool, asked 'How long I +intended to continue this pretty farce? For his part, he was devilish +sick of it; but this was the plague of marrying women who pretended to +know something.' + +"I made no other reply to this harangue, than to say, 'That he ought to +be glad to get rid of a woman so unfit to be his companion--and that any +change in my conduct would be mean dissimulation; for maturer reflection +only gave the sacred seal of reason to my first resolution.' + +"He looked as if he could have stamped with impatience, at being obliged +to stifle his rage; but, conquering his anger (for weak people, whose +passions seem the most ungovernable, restrain them with the greatest +ease, when they have a sufficient motive), he exclaimed, 'Very pretty, +upon my soul! very pretty, theatrical flourishes! Pray, fair Roxana, +stoop from your altitudes, and remember that you are acting a part in +real life.' + +"He uttered this speech with a self-satisfied air, and went down stairs +to dress. + +"In about an hour he came to me again; and in the same tone said, 'That +he came as my gentleman-usher to hand me down to breakfast. + +"'Of the black rod?' asked I. + +"This question, and the tone in which I asked it, a little disconcerted +him. To say the truth, I now felt no resentment; my firm resolution to +free myself from my ignoble thraldom, had absorbed the various emotions +which, during six years, had racked my soul. The duty pointed out by my +principles seemed clear; and not one tender feeling intruded to make me +swerve: The dislike which my husband had inspired was strong; but it only +led me to wish to avoid, to wish to let him drop out of my memory; there +was no misery, no torture that I would not deliberately have chosen, +rather than renew my lease of servitude. + +"During the breakfast, he attempted to reason with me on the folly of +romantic sentiments; for this was the indiscriminate epithet he gave to +every mode of conduct or thinking superior to his own. He asserted, 'that +all the world were governed by their own interest; those who pretended to +be actuated by different motives, were only deeper knaves, or fools +crazed by books, who took for gospel all the rodomantade nonsense written +by men who knew nothing of the world. For his part, he thanked God, he +was no hypocrite; and, if he stretched a point sometimes, it was always +with an intention of paying every man his own.' + +"He then artfully insinuated, 'that he daily expected a vessel to +arrive, a successful speculation, that would make him easy for the +present, and that he had several other schemes actually depending, that +could not fail. He had no doubt of becoming rich in a few years, though +he had been thrown back by some unlucky adventures at the setting out.' + +"I mildly replied, 'That I wished he might not involve himself still +deeper.' + +"He had no notion that I was governed by a decision of judgment, not to +be compared with a mere spurt of resentment. He knew not what it was to +feel indignation against vice, and often boasted of his placable temper, +and readiness to forgive injuries. True; for he only considered the being +deceived, as an effort of skill he had not guarded against; and then, +with a cant of candour, would observe, 'that he did not know how he +might himself have been tempted to act in the same circumstances.' And, +as his heart never opened to friendship, it never was wounded by +disappointment. Every new acquaintance he protested, it is true, was 'the +cleverest fellow in the world;' and he really thought so; till the +novelty of his conversation or manners ceased to have any effect on his +sluggish spirits. His respect for rank or fortune was more permanent, +though he chanced to have no design of availing himself of the influence +of either to promote his own views. + +"After a prefatory conversation,--my blood (I thought it had been cooler) +flushed over my whole countenance as he spoke--he alluded to my +situation. He desired me to reflect--'and act like a prudent woman, as +the best proof of my superior understanding; for he must own I had sense, +did I know how to use it. I was not,' he laid a stress on his words, +'without my passions; and a husband was a convenient cloke.--He was +liberal in his way of thinking; and why might not we, like many other +married people, who were above vulgar prejudices, tacitly consent to let +each other follow their own inclination?--He meant nothing more, in the +letter I made the ground of complaint; and the pleasure which I seemed to +take in Mr. S.'s company, led him to conclude, that he was not +disagreeable to me.' + +"A clerk brought in the letters of the day, and I, as I often did, while +he was discussing subjects of business, went to the _piano forte_, and +began to play a favourite air to restore myself, as it were, to nature, +and drive the sophisticated sentiments I had just been obliged to listen +to, out of my soul. + +"They had excited sensations similar to those I have felt, in viewing the +squalid inhabitants of some of the lanes and back streets of the +metropolis, mortified at being compelled to consider them as my +fellow-creatures, as if an ape had claimed kindred with me. Or, as when +surrounded by a mephitical fog, I have wished to have a volley of cannon +fired, to clear the incumbered atmosphere, and give me room to breathe +and move. + +"My spirits were all in arms, and I played a kind of extemporary prelude. +The cadence was probably wild and impassioned, while, lost in thought, I +made the sounds a kind of echo to my train of thinking. + +"Pausing for a moment, I met Mr. Venables' eyes. He was observing me with +an air of conceited satisfaction, as much as to say--'My last insinuation +has done the business--she begins to know her own interest.' Then +gathering up his letters, he said, 'That he hoped he should hear no more +romantic stuff, well enough in a miss just come from boarding school;' +and went, as was his custom, to the counting-house. I still continued +playing; and, turning to a sprightly lesson, I executed it with uncommon +vivacity. I heard footsteps approach the door, and was soon convinced +that Mr. Venables was listening; the consciousness only gave more +animation to my fingers. He went down into the kitchen, and the cook, +probably by his desire, came to me, to know what I would please to order +for dinner. Mr. Venables came into the parlour again, with apparent +carelessness. I perceived that the cunning man was over-reaching himself; +and I gave my directions as usual, and left the room. + +"While I was making some alteration in my dress, Mr. Venables peeped in, +and, begging my pardon for interrupting me, disappeared. I took up some +work (I could not read), and two or three messages were sent to me, +probably for no other purpose, but to enable Mr. Venables to ascertain +what I was about. + +"I listened whenever I heard the street-door open; at last I imagined I +could distinguish Mr. Venables' step, going out. I laid aside my work; +my heart palpitated; still I was afraid hastily to enquire; and I waited +a long half hour, before I ventured to ask the boy whether his master was +in the counting-house? + +"Being answered in the negative, I bade him call me a coach, and +collecting a few necessaries hastily together, with a little parcel of +letters and papers which I had collected the preceding evening, I hurried +into it, desiring the coachman to drive to a distant part of the town. + +"I almost feared that the coach would break down before I got out of the +street; and, when I turned the corner, I seemed to breathe a freer air. I +was ready to imagine that I was rising above the thick atmosphere of +earth; or I felt, as wearied souls might be supposed to feel on entering +another state of existence. + +"I stopped at one or two stands of coaches to elude pursuit, and then +drove round the skirts of the town to seek for an obscure lodging, where +I wished to remain concealed, till I could avail myself of my uncle's +protection. I had resolved to assume my own name immediately, and openly +to avow my determination, without any formal vindication, the moment I +had found a home, in which I could rest free from the daily alarm of +expecting to see Mr. Venables enter. + +"I looked at several lodgings; but finding that I could not, without a +reference to some acquaintance, who might inform my tyrant, get +admittance into a decent apartment--men have not all this trouble--I +thought of a woman whom I had assisted to furnish a little haberdasher's +shop, and who I knew had a first floor to let. + +"I went to her, and though I could not persuade her, that the quarrel +between me and Mr. Venables would never be made up, still she agreed to +conceal me for the present; yet assuring me at the same time, shaking her +head, that, when a woman was once married, she must bear every thing. Her +pale face, on which appeared a thousand haggard lines and delving +wrinkles, produced by what is emphatically termed fretting, inforced her +remark; and I had afterwards an opportunity of observing the treatment +she had to endure, which grizzled her into patience. She toiled from +morning till night; yet her husband would rob the till, and take away the +money reserved for paying bills; and, returning home drunk, he would +beat her if she chanced to offend him, though she had a child at the +breast. + +"These scenes awoke me at night; and, in the morning, I heard her, as +usual, talk to her dear Johnny--he, forsooth, was her master; no slave in +the West Indies had one more despotic; but fortunately she was of the +true Russian breed of wives. + +"My mind, during the few past days, seemed, as it were, disengaged from +my body; but, now the struggle was over, I felt very forcibly the effect +which perturbation of spirits produces on a woman in my situation. + +"The apprehension of a miscarriage, obliged me to confine myself to my +apartment near a fortnight; but I wrote to my uncle's friend for money, +promising 'to call on him, and explain my situation, when I was well +enough to go out; mean time I earnestly intreated him, not to mention my +place of abode to any one, lest my husband--such the law considered +him--should disturb the mind he could not conquer. I mentioned my +intention of setting out for Lisbon, to claim my uncle's protection, the +moment my health would permit.' + +"The tranquillity however, which I was recovering, was soon interrupted. +My landlady came up to me one day, with eyes swollen with weeping, unable +to utter what she was commanded to say. She declared, 'That she was never +so miserable in her life; that she must appear an ungrateful monster; and +that she would readily go down on her knees to me, to intreat me to +forgive her, as she had done to her husband to spare her the cruel task.' +Sobs prevented her from proceeding, or answering my impatient enquiries, +to know what she meant. + +"When she became a little more composed, she took a newspaper out of her +pocket, declaring, 'that her heart smote her, but what could she do?--she +must obey her husband.' I snatched the paper from her. An advertisement +quickly met my eye, purporting, that 'Maria Venables had, without any +assignable cause, absconded from her husband; and any person harbouring +her, was menaced with the utmost severity of the law.' + +"Perfectly acquainted with Mr. Venables' meanness of soul, this step did +not excite my surprise, and scarcely my contempt. Resentment in my +breast, never survived love. I bade the poor woman, in a kind tone, wipe +her eyes, and request her husband to come up, and speak to me himself. + +"My manner awed him. He respected a lady, though not a woman; and began +to mutter out an apology. + +"'Mr. Venables was a rich gentleman; he wished to oblige me, but he had +suffered enough by the law already, to tremble at the thought; besides, +for certain, we should come together again, and then even I should not +thank him for being accessary to keeping us asunder.--A husband and wife +were, God knows, just as one,--and all would come round at last.' He +uttered a drawling 'Hem!' and then with an arch look, added--'Master +might have had his little frolics--but--Lord bless your heart!--men +would be men while the world stands.' + +"To argue with this privileged first-born of reason, I perceived, would +be vain. I therefore only requested him to let me remain another day at +his house, while I sought for a lodging; and not to inform Mr. Venables +that I had ever been sheltered there. + +"He consented, because he had not the courage to refuse a person for whom +he had an habitual respect; but I heard the pent-up choler burst forth in +curses, when he met his wife, who was waiting impatiently at the foot of +the stairs, to know what effect my expostulations would have on him. + +"Without wasting any time in the fruitless indulgence of vexation, I once +more set out in search of an abode in which I could hide myself for a +few weeks. + +"Agreeing to pay an exorbitant price, I hired an apartment, without any +reference being required relative to my character: indeed, a glance at my +shape seemed to say, that my motive for concealment was sufficiently +obvious. Thus was I obliged to shroud my head in infamy. + +"To avoid all danger of detection--I use the appropriate word, my child, +for I was hunted out like a felon--I determined to take possession of my +new lodgings that very evening. + +"I did not inform my landlady where I was going. I knew that she had a +sincere affection for me, and would willingly have run any risk to show +her gratitude; yet I was fully convinced, that a few kind words from +Johnny would have found the woman in her, and her dear benefactress, as +she termed me in an agony of tears, would have been sacrificed, to +recompense her tyrant for condescending to treat her like an equal. He +could be kind-hearted, as she expressed it, when he pleased. And this +thawed sternness, contrasted with his habitual brutality, was the more +acceptable, and could not be purchased at too dear a rate. + +"The sight of the advertisement made me desirous of taking refuge with my +uncle, let what would be the consequence; and I repaired in a hackney +coach (afraid of meeting some person who might chance to know me, had I +walked) to the chambers of my uncle's friend. + +"He received me with great politeness (my uncle had already prepossessed +him in my favour), and listened, with interest, to my explanation of the +motives which had induced me to fly from home, and skulk in obscurity, +with all the timidity of fear that ought only to be the companion of +guilt. He lamented, with rather more gallantry than, in my situation, I +thought delicate, that such a woman should be thrown away on a man +insensible to the charms of beauty or grace. He seemed at a loss what to +advise me to do, to evade my husband's search, without hastening to my +uncle, whom, he hesitating said, I might not find alive. He uttered this +intelligence with visible regret; requested me, at least, to wait for the +arrival of the next packet; offered me what money I wanted, and promised +to visit me. + +"He kept his word; still no letter arrived to put an end to my painful +state of suspense. I procured some books and music, to beguile the +tedious solitary days. + + 'Come, ever smiling Liberty, + 'And with thee bring thy jocund train:' + +I sung--and sung till, saddened by the strain of joy, I bitterly lamented +the fate that deprived me of all social pleasure. Comparative liberty +indeed I had possessed myself of; but the jocund train lagged far +behind! + + + + +CHAP. XIII. + + +"BY watching my only visitor, my uncle's friend, or by some other means, +Mr. Venables discovered my residence, and came to enquire for me. The +maid-servant assured him there was no such person in the house. A bustle +ensued--I caught the alarm--listened--distinguished his voice, and +immediately locked the door. They suddenly grew still; and I waited near +a quarter of an hour, before I heard him open the parlour door, and mount +the stairs with the mistress of the house, who obsequiously declared that +she knew nothing of me. + +"Finding my door locked, she requested me to 'open it, and prepare to go +home with my husband, poor gentleman! to whom I had already occasioned +sufficient vexation.' I made no reply. Mr. Venables then, in an assumed +tone of softness, intreated me, 'to consider what he suffered, and my own +reputation, and get the better of childish resentment.' He ran on in the +same strain, pretending to address me, but evidently adapting his +discourse to the capacity of the landlady; who, at every pause, uttered +an exclamation of pity; or 'Yes, to be sure--Very true, sir.' + +"Sick of the farce, and perceiving that I could not avoid the hated +interview, I opened the door, and he entered. Advancing with easy +assurance to take my hand, I shrunk from his touch, with an involuntary +start, as I should have done from a noisome reptile, with more disgust +than terror. His conductress was retiring, to give us, as she said, an +opportunity to accommodate matters. But I bade her come in, or I would go +out; and curiosity impelled her to obey me. + +"Mr. Venables began to expostulate; and this woman, proud of his +confidence, to second him. But I calmly silenced her, in the midst of a +vulgar harangue, and turning to him, asked, 'Why he vainly tormented me? +declaring that no power on earth should force me back to his house.' + +"After a long altercation, the particulars of which, it would be to no +purpose to repeat, he left the room. Some time was spent in loud +conversation in the parlour below, and I discovered that he had brought +his friend, an attorney, with him. + + * * * * * * * +* * * * * * * * * * * * +* * * * * * * * * * * * +* * + +The tumult on the landing place, brought out a gentleman, who had +recently taken apartments in the house; he enquired why I was thus +assailed[91-A]? The voluble attorney instantly repeated the trite tale. +The stranger turned to me, observing, with the most soothing politeness +and manly interest, that 'my countenance told a very different story.' He +added, 'that I should not be insulted, or forced out of the house, by any +body.' + +"'Not by her husband?' asked the attorney. + +"'No, sir, not by her husband.' Mr. Venables advanced towards him--But +there was a decision in his attitude, that so well seconded that of his +voice, + +* * * * * * * * * * * +* * * * * * * * * * * +* * * * + +They left the house: at the same time protesting, that any one that +should dare to protect me, should be prosecuted with the utmost rigour. + +"They were scarcely out of the house, when my landlady came up to me +again, and begged my pardon, in a very different tone. For, though Mr. +Venables had bid her, at her peril, harbour me, he had not attended, I +found, to her broad hints, to discharge the lodging. I instantly promised +to pay her, and make her a present to compensate for my abrupt departure, +if she would procure me another lodging, at a sufficient distance; and +she, in return, repeating Mr. Venables' plausible tale, I raised her +indignation, and excited her sympathy, by telling her briefly the truth. + +"She expressed her commiseration with such honest warmth, that I felt +soothed; for I have none of that fastidious sensitiveness, which a vulgar +accent or gesture can alarm to the disregard of real kindness. I was ever +glad to perceive in others the humane feelings I delighted to exercise; +and the recollection of some ridiculous characteristic circumstances, +which have occurred in a moment of emotion, has convulsed me with +laughter, though at the instant I should have thought it sacrilegious to +have smiled. Your improvement, my dearest girl, being ever present to me +while I write, I note these feelings, because women, more accustomed to +observe manners than actions, are too much alive to ridicule. So much so, +that their boasted sensibility is often stifled by false delicacy. True +sensibility, the sensibility which is the auxiliary of virtue, and the +soul of genius, is in society so occupied with the feelings of others, as +scarcely to regard its own sensations. With what reverence have I looked +up at my uncle, the dear parent of my mind! when I have seen the sense of +his own sufferings, of mind and body, absorbed in a desire to comfort +those, whose misfortunes were comparatively trivial. He would have been +ashamed of being as indulgent to himself, as he was to others. 'Genuine +fortitude,' he would assert, 'consisted in governing our own emotions, +and making allowance for the weaknesses in our friends, that we would not +tolerate in ourselves.' But where is my fond regret leading me! + +"'Women must be submissive,' said my landlady. 'Indeed what could most +women do? Who had they to maintain them, but their husbands? Every woman, +and especially a lady, could not go through rough and smooth, as she had +done, to earn a little bread.' + +"She was in a talking mood, and proceeded to inform me how she had been +used in the world. 'She knew what it was to have a bad husband, or she +did not know who should.' I perceived that she would be very much +mortified, were I not to attend to her tale, and I did not attempt to +interrupt her, though I wished her, as soon as possible, to go out in +search of a new abode for me, where I could once more hide my head. + +"She began by telling me, 'That she had saved a little money in service; +and was over-persuaded (we must all be in love once in our lives) to +marry a likely man, a footman in the family, not worth a groat. My plan,' +she continued, 'was to take a house, and let out lodgings; and all went +on well, till my husband got acquainted with an impudent slut, who chose +to live on other people's means--and then all went to rack and ruin. He +ran in debt to buy her fine clothes, such clothes as I never thought of +wearing myself, and--would you believe it?--he signed an execution on my +very goods, bought with the money I worked so hard to get; and they came +and took my bed from under me, before I heard a word of the matter. Aye, +madam, these are misfortunes that you gentlefolks know nothing of,--but +sorrow is sorrow, let it come which way it will. + +"'I sought for a service again--very hard, after having a house of my +own!--but he used to follow me, and kick up such a riot when he was +drunk, that I could not keep a place; nay, he even stole my clothes, and +pawned them; and when I went to the pawnbroker's, and offered to take my +oath that they were not bought with a farthing of his money, they said, +'It was all as one, my husband had a right to whatever I had.' + +"'At last he listed for a soldier, and I took a house, making an +agreement to pay for the furniture by degrees; and I almost starved +myself, till I once more got before-hand in the world. + +"'After an absence of six years (God forgive me! I thought he was dead) +my husband returned; found me out, and came with such a penitent face, I +forgave him, and clothed him from head to foot. But he had not been a +week in the house, before some of his creditors arrested him; and, he +selling my goods, I found myself once more reduced to beggary; for I was +not as well able to work, go to bed late, and rise early, as when I +quitted service; and then I thought it hard enough. He was soon tired of +me, when there was nothing more to be had, and left me again. + +"'I will not tell you how I was buffeted about, till, hearing for certain +that he had died in an hospital abroad, I once more returned to my old +occupation; but have not yet been able to get my head above water: so, +madam, you must not be angry if I am afraid to run any risk, when I know +so well, that women have always the worst of it, when law is to decide.' + +"After uttering a few more complaints, I prevailed on my landlady to go +out in quest of a lodging; and, to be more secure, I condescended to the +mean shift of changing my name. + +"But why should I dwell on similar incidents!--I was hunted, like an +infected beast, from three different apartments, and should not have been +allowed to rest in any, had not Mr. Venables, informed of my uncle's +dangerous state of health, been inspired with the fear of hurrying me out +of the world as I advanced in my pregnancy, by thus tormenting and +obliging me to take sudden journeys to avoid him; and then his +speculations on my uncle's fortune must prove abortive. + +"One day, when he had pursued me to an inn, I fainted, hurrying from him; +and, falling down, the sight of my blood alarmed him, and obtained a +respite for me. It is strange that he should have retained any hope, +after observing my unwavering determination; but, from the mildness of my +behaviour, when I found all my endeavours to change his disposition +unavailing, he formed an erroneous opinion of my character, imagining +that, were we once more together, I should part with the money he could +not legally force from me, with the same facility as formerly. My +forbearance and occasional sympathy he had mistaken for weakness of +character; and, because he perceived that I disliked resistance, he +thought my indulgence and compassion mere selfishness, and never +discovered that the fear of being unjust, or of unnecessarily wounding +the feelings of another, was much more painful to me, than any thing I +could have to endure myself. Perhaps it was pride which made me imagine, +that I could bear what I dreaded to inflict; and that it was often easier +to suffer, than to see the sufferings of others. + +"I forgot to mention that, during this persecution, I received a letter +from my uncle, informing me, 'that he only found relief from continual +change of air; and that he intended to return when the spring was a +little more advanced (it was now the middle of February), and then we +would plan a journey to Italy, leaving the fogs and cares of England far +behind.' He approved of my conduct, promised to adopt my child, and +seemed to have no doubt of obliging Mr. Venables to hear reason. He wrote +to his friend, by the same post, desiring him to call on Mr. Venables in +his name; and, in consequence of the remonstrances he dictated, I was +permitted to lie-in tranquilly. + +"The two or three weeks previous, I had been allowed to rest in peace; +but, so accustomed was I to pursuit and alarm, that I seldom closed my +eyes without being haunted by Mr. Venables' image, who seemed to assume +terrific or hateful forms to torment me, wherever I turned.--Sometimes a +wild cat, a roaring bull, or hideous assassin, whom I vainly attempted to +fly; at others he was a demon, hurrying me to the brink of a precipice, +plunging me into dark waves, or horrid gulfs; and I woke, in violent fits +of trembling anxiety, to assure myself that it was all a dream, and to +endeavour to lure my waking thoughts to wander to the delightful Italian +vales, I hoped soon to visit; or to picture some august ruins, where I +reclined in fancy on a mouldering column, and escaped, in the +contemplation of the heart-enlarging virtues of antiquity, from the +turmoil of cares that had depressed all the daring purposes of my soul. +But I was not long allowed to calm my mind by the exercise of my +imagination; for the third day after your birth, my child, I was +surprised by a visit from my elder brother; who came in the most abrupt +manner, to inform me of the death of my uncle. He had left the greater +part of his fortune to my child, appointing me its guardian; in short, +every step was taken to enable me to be mistress of his fortune, without +putting any part of it in Mr. Venables' power. My brother came to vent +his rage on me, for having, as he expressed himself, 'deprived him, my +uncle's eldest nephew, of his inheritance;' though my uncle's property, +the fruit of his own exertion, being all in the funds, or on landed +securities, there was not a shadow of justice in the charge. + +"As I sincerely loved my uncle, this intelligence brought on a fever, +which I struggled to conquer with all the energy of my mind; for, in my +desolate state, I had it very much at heart to suckle you, my poor babe. +You seemed my only tie to life, a cherub, to whom I wished to be a +father, as well as a mother; and the double duty appeared to me to +produce a proportionate increase of affection. But the pleasure I felt, +while sustaining you, snatched from the wreck of hope, was cruelly damped +by melancholy reflections on my widowed state--widowed by the death of my +uncle. Of Mr. Venables I thought not, even when I thought of the felicity +of loving your father, and how a mother's pleasure might be exalted, and +her care softened by a husband's tenderness.--'Ought to be!' I exclaimed; +and I endeavoured to drive away the tenderness that suffocated me; but +my spirits were weak, and the unbidden tears would flow. 'Why was I,' I +would ask thee, but thou didst not heed me,--'cut off from the +participation of the sweetest pleasure of life?' I imagined with what +extacy, after the pains of child-bed, I should have presented my little +stranger, whom I had so long wished to view, to a respectable father, and +with what maternal fondness I should have pressed them both to my +heart!--Now I kissed her with less delight, though with the most +endearing compassion, poor helpless one! when I perceived a slight +resemblance of him, to whom she owed her existence; or, if any gesture +reminded me of him, even in his best days, my heart heaved, and I pressed +the innocent to my bosom, as if to purify it--yes, I blushed to think +that its purity had been sullied, by allowing such a man to be its +father. + +"After my recovery, I began to think of taking a house in the country, or +of making an excursion on the continent, to avoid Mr. Venables; and to +open my heart to new pleasures and affection. The spring was melting into +summer, and you, my little companion, began to smile--that smile made +hope bud out afresh, assuring me the world was not a desert. Your +gestures were ever present to my fancy; and I dwelt on the joy I should +feel when you would begin to walk and lisp. Watching your wakening mind, +and shielding from every rude blast my tender blossom, I recovered my +spirits--I dreamed not of the frost--'the killing frost,' to which you +were destined to be exposed.--But I lose all patience--and execrate the +injustice of the world--folly! ignorance!--I should rather call it; but, +shut up from a free circulation of thought, and always pondering on the +same griefs, I writhe under the torturing apprehensions, which ought to +excite only honest indignation, or active compassion; and would, could I +view them as the natural consequence of things. But, born a woman--and +born to suffer, in endeavouring to repress my own emotions, I feel more +acutely the various ills my sex are fated to bear--I feel that the evils +they are subject to endure, degrade them so far below their oppressors, +as almost to justify their tyranny; leading at the same time superficial +reasoners to term that weakness the cause, which is only the consequence +of short-sighted despotism. + +FOOTNOTES: + +[91-A] The introduction of Darnford as the deliverer of Maria, in an +early stage of the history, is already stated (Chap. III.) to have been +an after-thought of the author. This has probably caused the +imperfectness of the manuscript in the above passage; though, at the same +time, it must be acknowledged to be somewhat uncertain, whether Darnford +is the stranger intended in this place. It appears from Chap. XVII. that +an interference of a more decisive nature was designed to be attributed +to him. + +EDITOR. + + + + +CHAP. XIV. + + +"AS my mind grew calmer, the visions of Italy again returned with their +former glow of colouring; and I resolved on quitting the kingdom for a +time, in search of the cheerfulness, that naturally results from a change +of scene, unless we carry the barbed arrow with us, and only see what we +feel. + +"During the period necessary to prepare for a long absence, I sent a +supply to pay my father's debts, and settled my brothers in eligible +situations; but my attention was not wholly engrossed by my family, +though I do not think it necessary to enumerate the common exertions of +humanity. The manner in which my uncle's property was settled, prevented +me from making the addition to the fortune of my surviving sister, that I +could have wished; but I had prevailed on him to bequeath her two +thousand pounds, and she determined to marry a lover, to whom she had +been some time attached. Had it not been for this engagement, I should +have invited her to accompany me in my tour; and I might have escaped the +pit, so artfully dug in my path, when I was the least aware of danger. + +"I had thought of remaining in England, till I weaned my child; but this +state of freedom was too peaceful to last, and I had soon reason to wish +to hasten my departure. A friend of Mr. Venables, the same attorney who +had accompanied him in several excursions to hunt me from my hiding +places, waited on me to propose a reconciliation. On my refusal, he +indirectly advised me to make over to my husband--for husband he would +term him--the greater part of the property I had at command, menacing me +with continual persecution unless I complied, and that, as a last resort, +he would claim the child. I did not, though intimidated by the last +insinuation, scruple to declare, that I would not allow him to squander +the money left to me for far different purposes, but offered him five +hundred pounds, if he would sign a bond not to torment me any more. My +maternal anxiety made me thus appear to waver from my first +determination, and probably suggested to him, or his diabolical agent, +the infernal plot, which has succeeded but too well. + +"The bond was executed; still I was impatient to leave England. Mischief +hung in the air when we breathed the same; I wanted seas to divide us, +and waters to roll between, till he had forgotten that I had the means of +helping him through a new scheme. Disturbed by the late occurrences, I +instantly prepared for my departure. My only delay was waiting for a +maid-servant, who spoke French fluently, and had been warmly recommended +to me. A valet I was advised to hire, when I fixed on my place of +residence for any time. + +"My God, with what a light heart did I set out for Dover!--It was not my +country, but my cares, that I was leaving behind. My heart seemed to +bound with the wheels, or rather appeared the centre on which they +twirled. I clasped you to my bosom, exclaiming 'And you will be +safe--quite safe--when--we are once on board the packet.--Would we were +there!' I smiled at my idle fears, as the natural effect of continual +alarm; and I scarcely owned to myself that I dreaded Mr. Venables's +cunning, or was conscious of the horrid delight he would feel, at forming +stratagem after stratagem to circumvent me. I was already in the snare--I +never reached the packet--I never saw thee more.--I grow breathless. I +have scarcely patience to write down the details. The maid--the plausible +woman I had hired--put, doubtless, some stupifying potion in what I ate +or drank, the morning I left town. All I know is, that she must have +quitted the chaise, shameless wretch! and taken (from my breast) my babe +with her. How could a creature in a female form see me caress thee, and +steal thee from my arms! I must stop, stop to repress a mother's anguish; +left, in bitterness of soul, I imprecate the wrath of heaven on this +tiger, who tore my only comfort from me. + +"How long I slept I know not; certainly many hours, for I woke at the +close of day, in a strange confusion of thought. I was probably roused to +recollection by some one thundering at a huge, unwieldy gate. Attempting +to ask where I was, my voice died away, and I tried to raise it in vain, +as I have done in a dream. I looked for my babe with affright; feared +that it had fallen out of my lap, while I had so strangely forgotten +her; and, such was the vague intoxication, I can give it no other name, +in which I was plunged, I could not recollect when or where I last saw +you; but I sighed, as if my heart wanted room to clear my head. + +"The gates opened heavily, and the sullen sound of many locks and bolts +drawn back, grated on my very soul, before I was appalled by the creeking +of the dismal hinges, as they closed after me. The gloomy pile was before +me, half in ruins; some of the aged trees of the avenue were cut down, +and left to rot where they fell; and as we approached some mouldering +steps, a monstrous dog darted forwards to the length of his chain, and +barked and growled infernally. + +"The door was opened slowly, and a murderous visage peeped out, with a +lantern. 'Hush!' he uttered, in a threatning tone, and the affrighted +animal stole back to his kennel. The door of the chaise flew back, the +stranger put down the lantern, and clasped his dreadful arms around me. +It was certainly the effect of the soporific draught, for, instead of +exerting my strength, I sunk without motion, though not without sense, on +his shoulder, my limbs refusing to obey my will. I was carried up the +steps into a close-shut hall. A candle flaring in the socket, scarcely +dispersed the darkness, though it displayed to me the ferocious +countenance of the wretch who held me. + +"He mounted a wide staircase. Large figures painted on the walls seemed +to start on me, and glaring eyes to meet me at every turn. Entering a +long gallery, a dismal shriek made me spring out of my conductor's arms, +with I know not what mysterious emotion of terror; but I fell on the +floor, unable to sustain myself. + +"A strange-looking female started out of one of the recesses, and +observed me with more curiosity than interest; till, sternly bid retire, +she flitted back like a shadow. Other faces, strongly marked, or +distorted, peeped through the half-opened doors, and I heard some +incoherent sounds. I had no distinct idea where I could be--I looked on +all sides, and almost doubted whether I was alive or dead. + +"Thrown on a bed, I immediately sunk into insensibility again; and next +day, gradually recovering the use of reason, I began, starting +affrighted from the conviction, to discover where I was confined--I +insisted on seeing the master of the mansion--I saw him--and perceived +that I was buried alive.-- + +"Such, my child, are the events of thy mother's life to this dreadful +moment--Should she ever escape from the fangs of her enemies, she will +add the secrets of her prison-house--and--" + +Some lines were here crossed out, and the memoirs broke off abruptly with +the names of Jemima and Darnford. + + + + +APPENDIX. + +[ADVERTISEMENT. + + +THE performance, with a fragment of which the reader has now been +presented, was designed to consist of three parts. The preceding sheets +were considered as constituting one of those parts. Those persons who in +the perusal of the chapters, already written and in some degree finished +by the author, have felt their hearts awakened, and their curiosity +excited as to the sequel of the story, will, of course, gladly accept +even of the broken paragraphs and half-finished sentences, which have +been found committed to paper, as materials for the remainder. The +fastidious and cold-hearted critic may perhaps feel himself repelled by +the incoherent form in which they are presented. But an inquisitive +temper willingly accepts the most imperfect and mutilated information, +where better is not to be had: and readers, who in any degree resemble +the author in her quick apprehension of sentiment, and of the pleasures +and pains of imagination, will, I believe, find gratification, in +contemplating sketches, which were designed in a short time to have +received the finishing touches of her genius; but which must now for ever +remain a mark to record the triumphs of mortality, over schemes of +usefulness, and projects of public interest.] + + + + +CHAP. XV. + + +DARNFORD returned the memoirs to Maria, with a most affectionate letter, +in which he reasoned on "the absurdity of the laws respecting matrimony, +which, till divorces could be more easily obtained, was," he declared, +"the most insufferable bondage. Ties of this nature could not bind minds +governed by superior principles; and such beings were privileged to act +above the dictates of laws they had no voice in framing, if they had +sufficient strength of mind to endure the natural consequence. In her +case, to talk of duty, was a farce, excepting what was due to herself. +Delicacy, as well as reason, forbade her ever to think of returning to +her husband: was she then to restrain her charming sensibility through +mere prejudice? These arguments were not absolutely impartial, for he +disdained to conceal, that, when he appealed to her reason, he felt that +he had some interest in her heart.--The conviction was not more +transporting, than sacred--a thousand times a day, he asked himself how +he had merited such happiness?--and as often he determined to purify the +heart she deigned to inhabit--He intreated to be again admitted to her +presence." + +He was; and the tear which glistened in his eye, when he respectfully +pressed her to his bosom, rendered him peculiarly dear to the unfortunate +mother. Grief had stilled the transports of love, only to render their +mutual tenderness more touching. In former interviews, Darnford had +contrived, by a hundred little pretexts, to sit near her, to take her +hand, or to meet her eyes--now it was all soothing affection, and esteem +seemed to have rivalled love. He adverted to her narrative, and spoke +with warmth of the oppression she had endured.--His eyes, glowing with a +lambent flame, told her how much he wished to restore her to liberty and +love; but he kissed her hand, as if it had been that of a saint; and +spoke of the loss of her child, as if it had been his own.--What could +have been more flattering to Maria?--Every instance of self-denial was +registered in her heart, and she loved him, for loving her too well to +give way to the transports of passion. + +They met again and again; and Darnford declared, while passion suffused +his cheeks, that he never before knew what it was to love.-- + +One morning Jemima informed Maria, that her master intended to wait on +her, and speak to her without witnesses. He came, and brought a letter +with him, pretending that he was ignorant of its contents, though he +insisted on having it returned to him. It was from the attorney already +mentioned, who informed her of the death of her child, and hinted, "that +she could not now have a legitimate heir, and that, would she make over +the half of her fortune during life, she should be conveyed to Dover, and +permitted to pursue her plan of travelling." + +Maria answered with warmth, "That she had no terms to make with the +murderer of her babe, nor would she purchase liberty at the price of her +own respect." + +She began to expostulate with her jailor; but he sternly bade her "Be +silent--he had not gone so far, not to go further." + +Darnford came in the evening. Jemima was obliged to be absent, and she, +as usual, locked the door on them, to prevent interruption or +discovery.--The lovers were, at first, embarrassed; but fell insensibly +into confidential discourse. Darnford represented, "that they might soon +be parted," and wished her "to put it out of the power of fate to +separate them." + +As her husband she now received him, and he solemnly pledged himself as +her protector--and eternal friend.-- + +There was one peculiarity in Maria's mind: she was more anxious not to +deceive, than to guard against deception; and had rather trust without +sufficient reason, than be for ever the prey of doubt. Besides, what are +we, when the mind has, from reflection, a certain kind of elevation, +which exalts the contemplation above the little concerns of prudence! We +see what we wish, and make a world of our own--and, though reality may +sometimes open a door to misery, yet the moments of happiness procured by +the imagination, may, without a paradox, be reckoned among the solid +comforts of life. Maria now, imagining that she had found a being of +celestial mould--was happy,--nor was she deceived.--He was then plastic +in her impassioned hand--and reflected all the sentiments which animated +and warmed her. + +-- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- + + + + +CHAP. XVI. + + +ONE morning confusion seemed to reign in the house, and Jemima came in +terror, to inform Maria, "that her master had left it, with a +determination, she was assured (and too many circumstances corroborated +the opinion, to leave a doubt of its truth) of never returning. I am +prepared then," said Jemima, "to accompany you in your flight." + +Maria started up, her eyes darting towards the door, as if afraid that +some one should fasten it on her for ever. + +Jemima continued, "I have perhaps no right now to expect the performance +of your promise; but on you it depends to reconcile me with the human +race." + +"But Darnford!"--exclaimed Maria, mournfully--sitting down again, and +crossing her arms--"I have no child to go to, and liberty has lost its +sweets." + +"I am much mistaken, if Darnford is not the cause of my master's +flight--his keepers assure me, that they have promised to confine him two +days longer, and then he will be free--you cannot see him; but they will +give a letter to him the moment he is free.--In that inform him where he +may find you in London; fix on some hotel. Give me your clothes; I will +send them out of the house with mine, and we will slip out at the +garden-gate. Write your letter while I make these arrangements, but lose +no time!" + +In an agitation of spirit, not to be calmed, Maria began to write to +Darnford. She called him by the sacred name of "husband," and bade him +"hasten to her, to share her fortune, or she would return to him."--An +hotel in the Adelphi was the place of rendezvous. + +The letter was sealed and given in charge; and with light footsteps, yet +terrified at the sound of them, she descended, scarcely breathing, and +with an indistinct fear that she should never get out at the garden gate. +Jemima went first. + +A being, with a visage that would have suited one possessed by a devil, +crossed the path, and seized Maria by the arm. Maria had no fear but of +being detained--"Who are you? what are you?" for the form was scarcely +human. "If you are made of flesh and blood," his ghastly eyes glared on +her, "do not stop me!" + +"Woman," interrupted a sepulchral voice, "what have I to do with +thee?"--Still he grasped her hand, muttering a curse. + +"No, no; you have nothing to do with me," she exclaimed, "this is a +moment of life and death!"-- + +With supernatural force she broke from him, and, throwing her arms round +Jemima, cried, "Save me!" The being, from whose grasp she had loosed +herself, took up a stone as they opened the door, and with a kind of +hellish sport threw it after them. They were out of his reach. + +When Maria arrived in town, she drove to the hotel already fixed on. But +she could not sit still--her child was ever before her; and all that had +passed during her confinement, appeared to be a dream. She went to the +house in the suburbs, where, as she now discovered, her babe had been +sent. The moment she entered, her heart grew sick; but she wondered not +that it had proved its grave. She made the necessary enquiries, and the +church-yard was pointed out, in which it rested under a turf. A little +frock which the nurse's child wore (Maria had made it herself) caught her +eye. The nurse was glad to sell it for half-a-guinea, and Maria hastened +away with the relic, and, re-entering the hackney-coach which waited for +her, gazed on it, till she reached her hotel. + +She then waited on the attorney who had made her uncle's will, and +explained to him her situation. He readily advanced her some of the +money which still remained in his hands, and promised to take the whole +of the case into consideration. Maria only wished to be permitted to +remain in quiet--She found that several bills, apparently with her +signature, had been presented to her agent, nor was she for a moment at a +loss to guess by whom they had been forged; yet, equally averse to +threaten or intreat, she requested her friend [the solicitor] to call on +Mr. Venables. He was not to be found at home; but at length his agent, +the attorney, offered a conditional promise to Maria, to leave her in +peace, as long as she behaved with propriety, if she would give up the +notes. Maria inconsiderately consented--Darnford was arrived, and she +wished to be only alive to love; she wished to forget the anguish she +felt whenever she thought of her child. + +They took a ready furnished lodging together, for she was above disguise; +Jemima insisting on being considered as her house-keeper, and to receive +the customary stipend. On no other terms would she remain with her +friend. + +Darnford was indefatigable in tracing the mysterious circumstances of his +confinement. The cause was simply, that a relation, a very distant one, +to whom he was heir, had died intestate, leaving a considerable fortune. +On the news of Darnford's arrival [in England, a person, intrusted with +the management of the property, and who had the writings in his +possession, determining, by one bold stroke, to strip Darnford of the +succession,] had planned his confinement; and [as soon as he had taken +the measures he judged most conducive to his object, this ruffian, +together with his instrument,] the keeper of the private mad-house, left +the kingdom. Darnford, who still pursued his enquiries, at last +discovered that they had fixed their place of refuge at Paris. + +Maria and he determined therefore, with the faithful Jemima, to visit +that metropolis, and accordingly were preparing for the journey, when +they were informed that Mr. Venables had commenced an action against +Darnford for seduction and adultery. The indignation Maria felt cannot be +explained; she repented of the forbearance she had exercised in giving up +the notes. Darnford could not put off his journey, without risking the +loss of his property: Maria therefore furnished him with money for his +expedition; and determined to remain in London till the termination of +this affair. + +She visited some ladies with whom she had formerly been intimate, but was +refused admittance; and at the opera, or Ranelagh, they could not +recollect her. Among these ladies there were some, not her most intimate +acquaintance, who were generally supposed to avail themselves of the +cloke of marriage, to conceal a mode of conduct, that would for ever have +damned their fame, had they been innocent, seduced girls. These +particularly stood aloof.--Had she remained with her husband, practising +insincerity, and neglecting her child to manage an intrigue, she would +still have been visited and respected. If, instead of openly living with +her lover, she could have condescended to call into play a thousand +arts, which, degrading her own mind, might have allowed the people who +were not deceived, to pretend to be so, she would have been caressed and +treated like an honourable woman. "And Brutus[138-A] is an honourable +man!" said Mark-Antony with equal sincerity. + +With Darnford she did not taste uninterrupted felicity; there was a +volatility in his manner which often distressed her; but love gladdened +the scene; besides, he was the most tender, sympathizing creature in the +world. A fondness for the sex often gives an appearance of humanity to +the behaviour of men, who have small pretensions to the reality; and they +seem to love others, when they are only pursuing their own +gratification. Darnford appeared ever willing to avail himself of her +taste and acquirements, while she endeavoured to profit by his decision +of character, and to eradicate some of the romantic notions, which had +taken root in her mind, while in adversity she had brooded over visions +of unattainable bliss. + +The real affections of life, when they are allowed to burst forth, are +buds pregnant with joy and all the sweet emotions of the soul; yet they +branch out with wild ease, unlike the artificial forms of felicity, +sketched by an imagination painful alive. The substantial happiness, +which enlarges and civilizes the mind, may be compared to the pleasure +experienced in roving through nature at large, inhaling the sweet gale +natural to the clime; while the reveries of a feverish imagination +continually sport themselves in gardens full of aromatic shrubs, which +cloy while they delight, and weaken the sense of pleasure they gratify. +The heaven of fancy, below or beyond the stars, in this life, or in those +ever-smiling regions surrounded by the unmarked ocean of futurity, have +an insipid uniformity which palls. Poets have imagined scenes of bliss; +but, fencing out sorrow, all the extatic emotions of the soul, and even +its grandeur, seem to be equally excluded. We dose over the unruffled +lake, and long to scale the rocks which fence the happy valley of +contentment, though serpents hiss in the pathless desert, and danger +lurks in the unexplored wiles. Maria found herself more indulgent as she +was happier, and discovered virtues, in characters she had before +disregarded, while chasing the phantoms of elegance and excellence, which +sported in the meteors that exhale in the marshes of misfortune. The +heart is often shut by romance against social pleasure; and, fostering a +sickly sensibility, grows callous to the soft touches of humanity. + +To part with Darnford was indeed cruel.--It was to feel most painfully +alone; but she rejoiced to think, that she should spare him the care and +perplexity of the suit, and meet him again, all his own. Marriage, as at +present constituted, she considered as leading to immorality--yet, as the +odium of society impedes usefulness, she wished to avow her affection to +Darnford, by becoming his wife according to established rules; not to be +confounded with women who act from very different motives, though her +conduct would be just the same without the ceremony as with it, and her +expectations from him not less firm. The being summoned to defend herself +from a charge which she was determined to plead guilty to, was still +galling, as it roused bitter reflections on the situation of women in +society. + +FOOTNOTES: + +[138-A] The name in the manuscript is by mistake written Cæsar. + +EDITOR. + + + + +CHAP. XVII. + + +SUCH was her state of mind when the dogs of law were let loose on her. +Maria took the task of conducting Darnford's defence upon herself. She +instructed his counsel to plead guilty to the charge of adultery; but to +deny that of seduction. + +The counsel for the plaintiff opened the cause, by observing, "that his +client had ever been an indulgent husband, and had borne with several +defects of temper, while he had nothing criminal to lay to the charge of +his wife. But that she left his house without assigning any cause. He +could not assert that she was then acquainted with the defendant; yet, +when he was once endeavouring to bring her back to her home, this man +put the peace-officers to flight, and took her he knew not whither. After +the birth of her child, her conduct was so strange, and a melancholy +malady having afflicted one of the family, which delicacy forbade the +dwelling on, it was necessary to confine her. By some means the defendant +enabled her to make her escape, and they had lived together, in despite +of all sense of order and decorum. The adultery was allowed, it was not +necessary to bring any witnesses to prove it; but the seduction, though +highly probable from the circumstances which he had the honour to state, +could not be so clearly proved.--It was of the most atrocious kind, as +decency was set at defiance, and respect for reputation, which shows +internal compunction, utterly disregarded." + +A strong sense of injustice had silenced every emotion, which a mixture +of true and false delicacy might otherwise have excited in Maria's bosom. +She only felt in earnest to insist on the privilege of her nature. The +sarcasms of society, and the condemnation of a mistaken world, were +nothing to her, compared with acting contrary to those feelings which +were the foundation of her principles. [She therefore eagerly put herself +forward, instead of desiring to be absent, on this memorable occasion.] + +Convinced that the subterfuges of the law were disgraceful, she wrote a +paper, which she expressly desired might be read in court: + +"Married when scarcely able to distinguish the nature of the engagement, +I yet submitted to the rigid laws which enslave women, and obeyed the man +whom I could no longer love. Whether the duties of the state are +reciprocal, I mean not to discuss; but I can prove repeated infidelities +which I overlooked or pardoned. Witnesses are not wanting to establish +these facts. I at present maintain the child of a maid servant, sworn to +him, and born after our marriage. I am ready to allow, that education and +circumstances lead men to think and act with less delicacy, than the +preservation of order in society demands from women; but surely I may +without assumption declare, that, though I could excuse the birth, I +could not the desertion of this unfortunate babe:--and, while I despised +the man, it was not easy to venerate the husband. With proper +restrictions however, I revere the institution which fraternizes the +world. I exclaim against the laws which throw the whole weight of the +yoke on the weaker shoulders, and force women, when they claim +protectorship as mothers, to sign a contract, which renders them +dependent on the caprice of the tyrant, whom choice or necessity has +appointed to reign over them. Various are the cases, in which a woman +ought to separate herself from her husband; and mine, I may be allowed +emphatically to insist, comes under the description of the most +aggravated. + +"I will not enlarge on those provocations which only the individual can +estimate; but will bring forward such charges only, the truth of which is +an insult upon humanity. In order to promote certain destructive +speculations, Mr. Venables prevailed on me to borrow certain sums of a +wealthy relation; and, when I refused further compliance, he thought of +bartering my person; and not only allowed opportunities to, but urged, a +friend from whom he borrowed money, to seduce me. On the discovery of +this act of atrocity, I determined to leave him, and in the most decided +manner, for ever. I consider all obligation as made void by his conduct; +and hold, that schisms which proceed from want of principles, can never +be healed. + +"He received a fortune with me to the amount of five thousand pounds. On +the death of my uncle, convinced that I could provide for my child, I +destroyed the settlement of that fortune. I required none of my property +to be returned to me, nor shall enumerate the sums extorted from me +during six years that we lived together. + +"After leaving, what the law considers as my home, I was hunted like a +criminal from place to place, though I contracted no debts, and demanded +no maintenance--yet, as the laws sanction such proceeding, and make women +the property of their husbands, I forbear to animadvert. After the birth +of my daughter, and the death of my uncle, who left a very considerable +property to myself and child, I was exposed to new persecution; and, +because I had, before arriving at what is termed years of discretion, +pledged my faith, I was treated by the world, as bound for ever to a man +whose vices were notorious. Yet what are the vices generally known, to +the various miseries that a woman may be subject to, which, though +deeply felt, eating into the soul, elude description, and may be glossed +over! A false morality is even established, which makes all the virtue of +women consist in chastity, submission, and the forgiveness of injuries. + +"I pardon my oppressor--bitterly as I lament the loss of my child, torn +from me in the most violent manner. But nature revolts, and my soul +sickens at the bare supposition, that it could ever be a duty to pretend +affection, when a separation is necessary to prevent my feeling hourly +aversion. + +"To force me to give my fortune, I was imprisoned--yes; in a private +mad-house.--There, in the heart of misery, I met the man charged with +seducing me. We became attached--I deemed, and ever shall deem, myself +free. The death of my babe dissolved the only tie which subsisted +between me and my, what is termed, lawful husband. + +"To this person, thus encountered, I voluntarily gave myself, never +considering myself as any more bound to transgress the laws of moral +purity, because the will of my husband might be pleaded in my excuse, +than to transgress those laws to which [the policy of artificial society +has] annexed [positive] punishments.----While no command of a husband can +prevent a woman from suffering for certain crimes, she must be allowed to +consult her conscience, and regulate her conduct, in some degree, by her +own sense of right. The respect I owe to myself, demanded my strict +adherence to my determination of never viewing Mr. Venables in the light +of a husband, nor could it forbid me from encouraging another. If I am +unfortunately united to an unprincipled man, am I for ever to be shut out +from fulfilling the duties of a wife and mother?--I wish my country to +approve of my conduct; but, if laws exist, made by the strong to oppress +the weak, I appeal to my own sense of justice, and declare that I will +not live with the individual, who has violated every moral obligation +which binds man to man. + +"I protest equally against any charge being brought to criminate the man, +whom I consider as my husband. I was six-and-twenty when I left Mr. +Venables' roof; if ever I am to be supposed to arrive at an age to direct +my own actions, I must by that time have arrived at it.--I acted with +deliberation.--Mr. Darnford found me a forlorn and oppressed woman, and +promised the protection women in the present state of society want.--But +the man who now claims me--was he deprived of my society by this conduct? +The question is an insult to common sense, considering where Mr. Darnford +met me.--Mr. Venables' door was indeed open to me--nay, threats and +intreaties were used to induce me to return; but why? Was affection or +honour the motive?--I cannot, it is true, dive into the recesses of the +human heart--yet I presume to assert, [borne out as I am by a variety of +circumstances,] that he was merely influenced by the most rapacious +avarice. + +"I claim then a divorce, and the liberty of enjoying, free from +molestation, the fortune left to me by a relation, who was well aware of +the character of the man with whom I had to contend.--I appeal to the +justice and humanity of the jury--a body of men, whose private judgment +must be allowed to modify laws, that must be unjust, because definite +rules can never apply to indefinite circumstances--and I deprecate +punishment upon the man of my choice, freeing him, as I solemnly do, from +the charge of seduction.] + +"I did not put myself into a situation to justify a charge of adultery, +till I had, from conviction, shaken off the fetters which bound me to Mr. +Venables.--While I lived with him, I defy the voice of calumny to sully +what is termed the fair fame of woman.--Neglected by my husband, I never +encouraged a lover; and preserved with scrupulous care, what is termed my +honour, at the expence of my peace, till he, who should have been its +guardian, laid traps to ensnare me. From that moment I believed myself, +in the sight of heaven, free--and no power on earth shall force me to +renounce my resolution." + +The judge, in summing up the evidence, alluded to "the fallacy of letting +women plead their feelings, as an excuse for the violation of the +marriage-vow. For his part, he had always determined to oppose all +innovation, and the new-fangled notions which incroached on the good old +rules of conduct. We did not want French principles in public or private +life--and, if women were allowed to plead their feelings, as an excuse or +palliation of infidelity, it was opening a flood-gate for immorality. +What virtuous woman thought of her feelings?--It was her duty to love and +obey the man chosen by her parents and relations, who were qualified by +their experience to judge better for her, than she could for herself. As +to the charges brought against the husband, they were vague, supported by +no witnesses, excepting that of imprisonment in a private mad-house. The +proofs of an insanity in the family, might render that however a prudent +measure; and indeed the conduct of the lady did not appear that of a +person of sane mind. Still such a mode of proceeding could not be +justified, and might perhaps entitle the lady [in another court] to a +sentence of separation from bed and board, during the joint lives of the +parties; but he hoped that no Englishman would legalize adultery, by +enabling the adulteress to enrich her seducer. Too many restrictions +could not be thrown in the way of divorces, if we wished to maintain the +sanctity of marriage; and, though they might bear a little hard on a few, +very few individuals, it was evidently for the good of the whole." + + + + +CONCLUSION, + +BY THE EDITOR. + + +VERY few hints exist respecting the plan of the remainder of the work. I +find only two detached sentences, and some scattered heads for the +continuation of the story. I transcribe the whole. + + +I. + +"Darnford's letters were affectionate; but circumstances occasioned +delays, and the miscarriage of some letters rendered the reception of +wished-for answers doubtful: his return was necessary to calm Maria's +mind." + + +II. + +"As Darnford had informed her that his business was settled, his delaying +to return seemed extraordinary; but love to excess, excludes fear or +suspicion." + + * * * * * + +The scattered heads for the continuation of the story, are as +follow[159-A]. + + +I. + +"Trial for adultery--Maria defends herself--A separation from bed and +board is the consequence--Her fortune is thrown into chancery--Darnford +obtains a part of his property--Maria goes into the country." + + +II. + +"A prosecution for adultery commenced--Trial--Darnford sets out for +France--Letters--Once more pregnant--He returns--Mysterious +behaviour--Visit--Expectation--Discovery--Interview--Consequence." + + +III. + +"Sued by her husband--Damages awarded to him--Separation from bed and +board--Darnford goes abroad--Maria into the country--Provides for her +father--Is shunned--Returns to London--Expects to see her lover--The +rack of expectation--Finds herself again with child--Delighted--A +discovery--A visit--A miscarriage--Conclusion." + + +IV. + +"Divorced by her husband--Her lover +unfaithful--Pregnancy--Miscarriage--Suicide." + + * * * * * + +[The following passage appears in some respects to deviate from the +preceding hints. It is superscribed] + + +"THE END. + + +"She swallowed the laudanum; her soul was calm--the tempest had +subsided--and nothing remained but an eager longing to forget +herself--to fly from the anguish she endured to escape from thought--from +this hell of disappointment. + +"Still her eyes closed not--one remembrance with frightful velocity +followed another--All the incidents of her life were in arms, embodied to +assail her, and prevent her sinking into the sleep of death.--Her +murdered child again appeared to her, mourning for the babe of which she +was the tomb.--'And could it have a nobler?--Surely it is better to die +with me, than to enter on life without a mother's care!--I cannot +live!--but could I have deserted my child the moment it was born?--thrown +it on the troubled wave of life, without a hand to support it?'--She +looked up: 'What have I not suffered!--may I find a father where I am +going!'--Her head turned; a stupor ensued; a faintness--'Have a little +patience,' said Maria, holding her swimming head (she thought of her +mother), 'this cannot last long; and what is a little bodily pain to the +pangs I have endured?' + +"A new vision swam before her. Jemima seemed to enter--leading a little +creature, that, with tottering footsteps, approached the bed. The voice +of Jemima sounding as at a distance, called her--she tried to listen, to +speak, to look! + +"'Behold your child!' exclaimed Jemima. Maria started off the bed, and +fainted.--Violent vomiting followed. + +"When she was restored to life, Jemima addressed her with great +solemnity: '------ led me to suspect, that your husband and brother had +deceived you, and secreted the child. I would not torment you with +doubtful hopes, and I left you (at a fatal moment) to search for the +child!--I snatched her from misery--and (now she is alive again) would +you leave her alone in the world, to endure what I have endured?' + +"Maria gazed wildly at her, her whole frame was convulsed with emotion; +when the child, whom Jemima had been tutoring all the journey, uttered +the word 'Mamma!' She caught her to her bosom, and burst into a passion +of tears--then, resting the child gently on the bed, as if afraid of +killing it,--she put her hand to her eyes, to conceal as it were the +agonizing struggle of her soul. She remained silent for five minutes, +crossing her arms over her bosom, and reclining her head,--then +exclaimed: 'The conflict is over!--I will live for my child!'" + + * * * * * + +A few readers perhaps, in looking over these hints, will wonder how it +could have been practicable, without tediousness, or remitting in any +degree the interest of the story, to have filled, from these slight +sketches, a number of pages, more considerable than those which have been +already presented. But, in reality, these hints, simple as they are, are +pregnant with passion and distress. It is the refuge of barren authors +only, to crowd their fictions with so great a number of events, as to +suffer no one of them to sink into the reader's mind. It is the province +of true genius to develop events, to discover their capabilities, to +ascertain the different passions and sentiments with which they are +fraught, and to diversify them with incidents, that give reality to the +picture, and take a hold upon the mind of a reader of taste, from which +they can never be loosened. It was particularly the design of the author, +in the present instance, to make her story subordinate to a great moral +purpose, that "of exhibiting the misery and oppression, peculiar to +women, that arise out of the partial laws and customs of society.--This +view restrained her fancy[166-A]." It was necessary for her, to place in +a striking point of view, evils that are too frequently overlooked, and +to drag into light those details of oppression, of which the grosser and +more insensible part of mankind make little account. + + +THE END. + +FOOTNOTES: + +[159-A] To understand these minutes, it is necessary the reader should +consider each of them as setting out from the same point in the story, +_viz._ the point to which it is brought down in the preceding chapter. + +[166-A] See author's preface. + + + + +LESSONS. + + +ADVERTISEMENT, + +BY THE EDITOR. + + +THE following pages will, I believe, be judged by every reader of taste +to have been worth preserving, among the other testimonies the author +left behind her, of her genius and the soundness of her understanding. +To such readers I leave the task of comparing these lessons, with other +works of the same nature previously published. It is obvious that the +author has struck out a path of her own, and by no means intrenched upon +the plans of her predecessors. + +It may however excite surprise in some persons to find these papers +annexed to the conclusion of a novel. All I have to offer on this +subject, consists in the following considerations: + +First, something is to be allowed for the difficulty of arranging the +miscellaneous papers upon very different subjects, which will frequently +constitute an author's posthumous works. + + * * * * * + +Secondly, the small portion they occupy in the present volume, will +perhaps be accepted as an apology, by such good-natured readers (if any +such there are), to whom the perusal of them shall be a matter of perfect +indifference. + + * * * * * + +Thirdly, the circumstance which determined me in annexing them to the +present work, was the slight association (in default of a strong one) +between the affectionate and pathetic manner in which Maria Venables +addresses her infant, in the Wrongs of Woman; and the agonising and +painful sentiment with which the author originally bequeathed these +papers, as a legacy for the benefit of her child. + + + + +LESSONS. + +_The first book of a series which I intended to have written for my +unfortunate girl[175-A]._ + + +LESSON I. + +CAT. Dog. Cow. Horse. Sheep. Pig. Bird. Fly. + +Man. Boy. Girl. Child. + +Head. Hair. Face. Nose. Mouth. Chin. Neck. Arms. Hand. Leg. Foot. Back. +Breast. + +House. Wall. Field. Street. Stone. Grass. + +Bed. Chair. Door. Pot. Spoon. Knife. Fork. Plate. Cup. Box. Boy. Bell. + +Tree. Leaf. Stick. Whip. Cart. Coach. + +Frock. Hat. Coat. Shoes. Shift. Cap. + +Bread. Milk. Tea. Meat. Drink. Cake. + + +LESSON II. + +Come. Walk. Run. Go. Jump. Dance. Ride. Sit. Stand. Play. Hold. Shake. +Speak. Sing. Cry. Laugh. Call. Fall. + +Day. Night. Sun. Moon. Light. Dark. Sleep. Wake. + +Wash. Dress. Kiss. Comb. + +Fire. Hot. Burn. Wind. Rain. Cold. + +Hurt. Tear. Break. Spill. + +Book. See. Look. + +Sweet. Good. Clean. + +Gone. Lost. Hide. Keep. Give. Take. + +One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten. + +White. Black. Red. Blue. Green. Brown. + + +LESSON III. + +STROKE the cat. Play with the Dog. Eat the bread. Drink the milk. Hold +the cup. Lay down the knife. + +Look at the fly. See the horse. Shut the door. Bring the chair. Ring the +bell. Get your book. + +Hide your face. Wipe your nose. Wash your hands. Dirty hands. Why do you +cry? A clean mouth. Shake hands. I love you. Kiss me now. Good girl. + +The bird sings. The fire burns. The cat jumps. The dog runs. The bird +flies. The cow lies down. The man laughs. The child cries. + + +LESSON IV. + +LET me comb your head. Ask Betty to wash your face. Go and see for some +bread. Drink milk, if you are dry. Play on the floor with the ball. Do +not touch the ink; you will black your hands. + +What do you want to say to me? Speak slow, not so fast. Did you fall? You +will not cry, not you; the baby cries. Will you walk in the fields? + + +LESSON V. + +COME to me, my little girl. Are you tired of playing? Yes. Sit down and +rest yourself, while I talk to you. + +Have you seen the baby? Poor little thing. O here it comes. Look at him. +How helpless he is. Four years ago you were as feeble as this very little +boy. + +See, he cannot hold up his head. He is forced to lie on his back, if his +mamma do not turn him to the right or left side, he will soon begin to +cry. He cries to tell her, that he is tired with lying on his back. + + +LESSON VI. + +PERHAPS he is hungry. What shall we give him to eat? Poor fellow, he +cannot eat. Look in his mouth, he has no teeth. + +How did you do when you were a baby like him? You cannot tell. Do you +want to know? Look then at the dog, with her pretty puppy. You could not +help yourself as well as the puppy. You could only open your mouth, when +you were lying, like William, on my knee. So I put you to my breast, and +you sucked, as the puppy sucks now, for there was milk enough for you. + + +LESSON VII. + +WHEN you were hungry, you began to cry, because you could not speak. You +were seven months without teeth, always sucking. But after you got one, +you began to gnaw a crust of bread. It was not long before another came +pop. At ten months you had four pretty white teeth, and you used to bite +me. Poor mamma! Still I did not cry, because I am not a child, but you +hurt me very much. So I said to papa, it is time the little girl should +eat. She is not naughty, yet she hurts me. I have given her a crust of +bread, and I must look for some other milk. + +The cow has got plenty, and her jumping calf eats grass very well. He has +got more teeth than my little girl. Yes, says papa, and he tapped you on +the cheek, you are old enough to learn to eat? Come to me, and I will +teach you, my little dear, for you must not hurt poor mamma, who has +given you her milk, when you could not take any thing else. + + +LESSON VIII. + +YOU were then on the carpet, for you could not walk well. So when you +were in a hurry, you used to run quick, quick, quick, on your hands and +feet, like the dog. + +Away you ran to papa, and putting both your arms round his leg, for your +hands were not big enough, you looked up at him, and laughed. What did +this laugh say, when you could not speak? Cannot you guess by what you +now say to papa?--Ah! it was, Play with me, papa!--play with me! + +Papa began to smile, and you knew that the smile was always--Yes. So you +got a ball, and papa threw it along the floor--Roll--roll--roll; and you +ran after it again--and again. How pleased you were. Look at William, he +smiles; but you could laugh loud--Ha! ha! ha!--Papa laughed louder than +the little girl, and rolled the ball still faster. + +Then he put the ball on a chair, and you were forced to take hold of the +back, and stand up to reach it. At last you reached too far, and down you +fell: not indeed on your face, because you put out your hands. You were +not much hurt; but the palms of your hands smarted with the pain, and you +began to cry, like a little child. + +It is only very little children who cry when they are hurt; and it is to +tell their mamma, that something is the matter with them. Now you can +come to me, and say, Mamma, I have hurt myself. Pray rub my hand: it +smarts. Put something on it, to make it well. A piece of rag, to stop the +blood. You are not afraid of a little blood--not you. You scratched your +arm with a pin: it bled a little; but it did you no harm. See, the skin +is grown over it again. + + +LESSON IX. + +TAKE care not to put pins in your mouth, because they will stick in your +throat, and give you pain. Oh! you cannot think what pain a pin would +give you in your throat, should it remain there: but, if you by chance +swallow it, I should be obliged to give you, every morning, something +bitter to drink. You never tasted any thing so bitter! and you would grow +very sick. I never put pins in my mouth; but I am older than you, and +know how to take care of myself. + +My mamma took care of me, when I was a little girl, like you. She bade me +never put any thing in my mouth, without asking her what it was. + +When you were a baby, with no more sense than William, you put every +thing in your mouth to gnaw, to help your teeth to cut through the skin. +Look at the puppy, how he bites that piece of wood. William presses his +gums against my finger. Poor boy! he is so young, he does not know what +he is doing. When you bite any thing, it is because you are hungry. + + +LESSON X. + +SEE how much taller you are than William. In four years you have learned +to eat, to walk, to talk. Why do you smile? You can do much more, you +think: you can wash your hands and face. Very well. I should never kiss a +dirty face. And you can comb your head with the pretty comb you always +put by in your own drawer. To be sure, you do all this to be ready to +take a walk with me. You would be obliged to stay at home, if you could +not comb your own hair. Betty is busy getting the dinner ready, and only +brushes William's hair, because he cannot do it for himself. + +Betty is making an apple-pye. You love an apple-pye; but I do not bid you +make one. Your hands are not strong enough to mix the butter and flour +together; and you must not try to pare the apples, because you cannot +manage a great knife. + +Never touch the large knives: they are very sharp, and you might cut your +finger to the bone. You are a little girl, and ought to have a little +knife. When you are as tall as I am, you shall have a knife as large as +mine; and when you are as strong as I am, and have learned to manage it, +you will not hurt yourself. + +You can trundle a hoop, you say; and jump over a stick. O, I forgot!--and +march like the men in the red coats, when papa plays a pretty tune on the +fiddle. + + +LESSON XI. + +WHAT, you think that you shall soon be able to dress yourself entirely? I +am glad of it: I have something else to do. You may go, and look for your +frock in the drawer; but I will tie it, till you are stronger. Betty will +tie it, when I am busy. + +I button my gown myself: I do not want a maid to assist me, when I am +dressing. But you have not yet got sense enough to do it properly, and +must beg somebody to help you, till you are older. + +Children grow older and wiser at the same time. William is not able to +take a piece of meat, because he has not got the sense which would make +him think that, without teeth, meat would do him harm. He cannot tell +what is good for him. + +The sense of children grows with them. You know much more than William, +now you walk alone, and talk; but you do not know as much as the boys and +girls you see playing yonder, who are half as tall again as you; and they +do not know half as much as their fathers and mothers, who are men and +women grown. Papa and I were children, like you; and men and women took +care of us. I carry William, because he is too weak to walk. I lift you +over a stile, and over the gutter, when you cannot jump over it. + +You know already, that potatoes will not do you any harm: but I must +pluck the fruit for you, till you are wise enough to know the ripe apples +and pears. The hard ones would make you sick, and then you must take +physic. You do not love physic: I do not love it any more than you. But I +have more sense than you; therefore I take care not to eat unripe fruit, +or any thing else that would make my stomach ache, or bring out ugly red +spots on my face. + +When I was a child, my mamma chose the fruit for me, to prevent my making +myself sick. I was just like you; I used to ask for what I saw, without +knowing whether it was good or bad. Now I have lived a long time, I know +what is good; I do not want any body to tell me. + + +LESSON XII. + +LOOK at those two dogs. The old one brings the ball to me in a moment; +the young one does not know how. He must be taught. + +I can cut your shift in a proper shape. You would not know how to begin. +You would spoil it; but you will learn. + +John digs in the garden, and knows when to put the seed in the ground. +You cannot tell whether it should be in the winter or summer. Try to find +it out. When do the trees put out their leaves? In the spring, you say, +after the cold weather. Fruit would not grow ripe without very warm +weather. Now I am sure you can guess why the summer is the season for +fruit. + +Papa knows that peas and beans are good for us to eat with our meat. You +are glad when you see them; but if he did not think for you, and have the +seed put in the ground, we should have no peas or beans. + + +LESSON XIII. + +POOR child, she cannot do much for herself. When I let her do any thing +for me, it is to please her: for I could do it better myself. + +Oh! the poor puppy has tumbled off the stool. Run and stroak him. Put a +little milk in a saucer to comfort him. You have more sense than he. You +can pour the milk into the saucer without spilling it. He would cry for a +day with hunger, without being able to get it. You are wiser than the +dog, you must help him. The dog will love you for it, and run after you. +I feed you and take care of you: you love me and follow me for it. + +When the book fell down on your foot, it gave you great pain. The poor +dog felt the same pain just now. + +Take care not to hurt him when you play with him. And every morning leave +a little milk in your bason for him. Do not forget to put the bason in a +corner, lest somebody should fall over it. + +When the snow covers the ground, save the crumbs of bread for the birds. +In the summer they find feed enough, and do not want you to think about +them. + +I make broth for the poor man who is sick. A sick man is like a child, he +cannot help himself. + + +LESSON X. + +WHEN I caught cold some time ago, I had such a pain in my head, I could +scarcely hold it up. Papa opened the door very softly, because he loves +me. You love me, yet you made a noise. You had not the sense to know that +it made my head worse, till papa told you. + +Papa had a pain in the stomach, and he would not eat the fine cherries or +grapes on the table. When I brought him a cup of camomile tea, he drank +it without saying a word, or making an ugly face. He knows that I love +him, and that I would not give him any thing to drink that has a bad +taste, if it were not to do him good. + +You asked me for some apples when your stomach ached; but I was not angry +with you. If you had been as wise as papa, you would have said, I will +not eat the apples to-day, I must take some camomile tea. + +You say that you do not know how to think. Yes; you do a little. The +other day papa was tired; he had been walking about all the morning. +After dinner he fell asleep on the sopha. I did not bid you be quiet; but +you thought of what papa said to you, when my head ached. This made you +think that you ought not to make a noise, when papa was resting himself. +So you came to me, and said to me, very softly, Pray reach me my ball, +and I will go and play in the garden, till papa wakes. + +You were going out; but thinking again, you came back to me on your +tip-toes. Whisper----whisper. Pray mama, call me, when papa wakes; for I +shall be afraid to open the door to see, lest I should disturb him. + +Away you went.--Creep--creep--and shut the door as softly as I could have +done myself. + +That was thinking. When a child does wrong at first, she does not know +any better. But, after she has been told that she must not disturb mama, +when poor mama is unwell, she thinks herself, that she must not wake papa +when he is tired. + +Another day we will see if you can think about any thing else. + +THE END. + +FOOTNOTES: + +[175-A] This title which is indorsed on the back of the manuscript, I +conclude to have been written in a period of desperation, in the month of +October, 1795. + +EDITOR. + + + + +POSTHUMOUS WORKS + +OF THE + +AUTHOR + +OF A + +VINDICATION OF THE RIGHTS OF WOMAN. + +IN FOUR VOLUMES. + + * * * * * + +VOL. III. + + * * * * * + +_LONDON:_ + +PRINTED FOR J. JOHNSON, NO. 72, ST. PAUL'S + CHURCH-YARD; AND G. G. AND J. ROBINSON, + PATERNOSTER-ROW. + 1798. + + +LETTERS +AND +MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. + + +IN TWO VOLUMES. + + + +VOL. I. + + + + +PREFACE. + + +THE following Letters may possibly be found to contain the finest +examples of the language of sentiment and passion ever presented to the +world. They bear a striking resemblance to the celebrated romance of +Werter, though the incidents to which they relate are of a very different +cast. Probably the readers to whom Werter is incapable of affording +pleasure, will receive no delight from the present publication. The +editor apprehends that, in the judgment of those best qualified to +decide upon the comparison, these Letters will be admitted to have the +superiority over the fiction of Goethe. They are the offspring of a +glowing imagination, and a heart penetrated with the passion it essays to +describe. + +To the series of letters constituting the principal article in these two +volumes, are added various pieces, none of which, it is hoped, will be +found discreditable to the talents of the author. The slight fragment of +Letters on the Management of Infants, may be thought a trifle; but it +seems to have some value, as presenting to us with vividness the +intention of the writer on this important subject. The publication of a +few select Letters to Mr. Johnson, appeared to be at once a just monument +to the sincerity of his friendship, and a valuable and interesting +specimen of the mind of the writer. The Letter on the Present Character +of the French Nation, the Extract of the Cave of Fancy, a Tale, and the +Hints for the Second Part of the Rights of Woman, may, I believe, safely +be left to speak for themselves. The Essay on Poetry and our Relish for +the Beauties of Nature, appeared in the Monthly Magazine for April last, +and is the only piece in this collection which has previously found its +way to the press. + + + + +LETTERS. + + +LETTER I. + +Two o'Clock. + +MY dear love, after making my arrangements for our snug dinner to-day, I +have been taken by storm, and obliged to promise to dine, at an early +hour, with the Miss ----s, the _only_ day they intend to pass here. I +shall however leave the key in the door, and hope to find you at my +fire-side when I return, about eight o'clock. Will you not wait for poor +Joan?--whom you will find better, and till then think very +affectionately of her. + +Yours, truly, + +* * * * + +I am sitting down to dinner; so do not send an answer. + + * * * * * + +LETTER II. + +Past Twelve o'Clock, Monday night. + +[August.] + +I OBEY an emotion of my heart, which made me think of wishing thee, my +love, good-night! before I go to rest, with more tenderness than I can +to-morrow, when writing a hasty line or two under Colonel ----'s eye. You +can scarcely imagine with what pleasure I anticipate the day, when we +are to begin almost to live together; and you would smile to hear how +many plans of employment I have in my head, now that I am confident my +heart has found peace in your bosom.--Cherish me with that dignified +tenderness, which I have only found in you; and your own dear girl will +try to keep under a quickness of feeling, that has sometimes given you +pain--Yes, I will be _good_, that I may deserve to be happy; and whilst +you love me, I cannot again fall into the miserable state, which rendered +life a burthen almost too heavy to be borne. + +But, good-night!--God bless you! Sterne says, that is equal to a +kiss--yet I would rather give you the kiss into the bargain, glowing with +gratitude to Heaven, and affection to you. I like the word affection, +because it signifies something habitual; and we are soon to meet, to try +whether we have mind enough to keep our hearts warm. + +* * * * + +I will be at the barrier a little after ten o'clock +to-morrow[4-A].--Yours-- + + * * * * * + +LETTER III. + +Wednesday Morning. + +YOU have often called me, dear girl, but you would now say good, did you +know how very attentive I have been to the ---- ever since I came to +Paris. I am not however going to trouble you with the account, because I +like to see your eyes praise me; and, Milton insinuates, that, during +such recitals, there are interruptions, not ungrateful to the heart, when +the honey that drops from the lips is not merely words. + +Yet, I shall not (let me tell you before these people enter, to force me +to huddle away my letter) be content with only a kiss of DUTY--you _must_ +be glad to see me--because you are glad--or I will make love to the +_shade_ of Mirabeau, to whom my heart continually turned, whilst I was +talking with Madame ----, forcibly telling me, that it will ever have +sufficient warmth to love, whether I will or not, sentiment, though I so +highly respect principle.---- + +Not that I think Mirabeau utterly devoid of principles--Far from it--and, +if I had not begun to form a new theory respecting men, I should, in the +vanity of my heart, have _imagined_ that _I_ could have made something of +his----it was composed of such materials--Hush! here they come--and love +flies away in the twinkling of an eye, leaving a little brush of his wing +on my pale cheeks. + +I hope to see Dr. ---- this morning; I am going to Mr. ----'s to meet +him. ----, and some others, are invited to dine with us to-day; and +to-morrow I am to spend the day with ----. + +I shall probably not be able to return to ---- to-morrow; but it is no +matter, because I must take a carriage, I have so many books, that I +immediately want, to take with me.--On Friday then I shall expect you to +dine with me--and, if you come a little before dinner, it is so long +since I have seen you, you will not be scolded by yours affectionately + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER IV[7-A]. + +Friday Morning [September.] + +A MAN, whom a letter from Mr. ----previously announced, called here +yesterday for the payment of a draft; and, as he seemed disappointed at +not finding you at home, I sent him to Mr. ----. I have since seen him, +and he tells me that he has settled the business. + +So much for business!--May I venture to talk a little longer about less +weighty affairs?--How are you?--I have been following you all along the +road this comfortless weather; for, when I am absent from those I love, +my imagination is as lively, as if my senses had never been gratified by +their presence--I was going to say caresses--and why should I not? I have +found out that I have more mind than you, in one respect; because I can, +without any violent effort of reason, find food for love in the same +object, much longer than you can.--The way to my senses is through my +heart; but, forgive me! I think there is sometimes a shorter cut to +yours. + +With ninety-nine men out of a hundred, a very sufficient dash of folly is +necessary to render a woman _piquante_, a soft word for desirable; and, +beyond these casual ebullitions of sympathy, few look for enjoyment by +fostering a passion in their hearts. One reason, in short, why I wish my +whole sex to become wiser, is, that the foolish ones may not, by their +pretty folly, rob those whose sensibility keeps down their vanity, of the +few roses that afford them some solace in the thorny road of life. + +I do not know how I fell into these reflections, excepting one thought +produced it--that these continual separations were necessary to warm your +affection.--Of late, we are always separating.--Crack!--crack!--and away +you go.--This joke wears the sallow cast of thought; for, though I began +to write cheerfully, some melancholy tears have found their way into my +eyes, that linger there, whilst a glow of tenderness at my heart whispers +that you are one of the best creatures in the world.--Pardon then the +vagaries of a mind, that has been almost "crazed by care," as well as +"crossed in hapless love," and bear with me a _little_ longer!--When we +are settled in the country together, more duties will open before me, and +my heart, which now, trembling into peace, is agitated by every emotion +that awakens the remembrance of old griefs, will learn to rest on yours, +with that dignity your character, not to talk of my own, demands. + +Take care of yourself--and write soon to your own girl (you may add dear, +if you please) who sincerely loves you, and will try to convince you of +it, by becoming happier. + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER V. + +Sunday Night. + +I HAVE just received your letter, and feel as if I could not go to bed +tranquilly without saying a few words in reply--merely to tell you, that +my mind is serene, and my heart affectionate. + +Ever since you last saw me inclined to faint, I have felt some gentle +twitches, which make me begin to think, that I am nourishing a creature +who will soon be sensible of my care.--This thought has not only produced +an overflowing of tenderness to you, but made me very attentive to calm +my mind and take exercise, lest I should destroy an object, in whom we +are to have a mutual interest, you know. Yesterday--do not +smile!--finding that I had hurt myself by lifting precipitately a large +log of wood, I sat down in an agony, till I felt those said twitches +again. + +Are you very busy? +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +So you may reckon on its being finished soon, though not before you come +home, unless you are detained longer than I now allow myself to believe +you will.-- + +Be that as it may, write to me, my best love, and bid me be +patient--kindly--and the expressions of kindness will again beguile the +time, as sweetly as they have done to-night.--Tell me also over and over +again, that your happiness (and you deserve to be happy!) is closely +connected with mine, and I will try to dissipate, as they rise, the fumes +of former discontent, that have too often clouded the sunshine, which you +have endeavoured to diffuse through my mind. God bless you! Take care of +yourself, and remember with tenderness your affectionate + +* * * * + +I am going to rest very happy, and you have made me so.--This is the +kindest good-night I can utter. + + * * * * * + +LETTER VI. + +Friday Morning. + +I AM glad to find that other people can be unreasonable, as well as +myself--for be it known to thee, that I answered thy _first_ letter, the +very night it reached me (Sunday), though thou couldst not receive it +before Wednesday, because it was not sent off till the next day.--There +is a full, true, and particular account.-- + +Yet I am not angry with thee, my love, for I think that it is a proof of +stupidity, and likewise of a milk-and-water affection, which comes to the +same thing, when the temper is governed by a square and compass.--There +is nothing picturesque in this straight-lined equality, and the passions +always give grace to the actions. + +Recollection now makes my heart bound to thee; but, it is not to thy +money-getting face, though I cannot be seriously displeased with the +exertion which increases my esteem, or rather is what I should have +expected from thy character.--No; I have thy honest countenance before +me--Pop--relaxed by tenderness; a little--little wounded by my whims; and +thy eyes glistening with sympathy.--Thy lips then feel softer than +soft--and I rest my cheek on thine, forgetting all the world.--I have not +left the hue of love out of the picture--the rosy glow; and fancy has +spread it over my own cheeks, I believe, for I feel them burning, whilst +a delicious tear trembles in my eye, that would be all your own, if a +grateful emotion directed to the Father of nature, who has made me thus +alive to happiness, did not give more warmth to the sentiment it +divides--I must pause a moment. + +Need I tell you that I am tranquil after writing thus?--I do not know +why, but I have more confidence in your affection, when absent, than +present; nay, I think that you must love me, for, in the sincerity of my +heart let me say it, I believe I deserve your tenderness, because I am +true, and have a degree of sensibility that you can see and relish. + +Yours sincerely + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER VII. + +Sunday Morning [December 29.] + +YOU seem to have taken up your abode at H----. Pray sir! when do you +think of coming home? or, to write very considerately, when will business +permit you? I shall expect (as the country people say in England) that +you will make a _power_ of money to indemnify me for your absence. + +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- + +Well! but, my love, to the old story--am I to see you this week, or this +month?--I do not know what you are about--for, as you did not tell me, I +would not ask Mr. ----, who is generally pretty communicative. + +I long to see Mrs. ------; not to hear from you, so do not give yourself +airs, but to get a letter from Mr. ----. And I am half angry with you for +not informing me whether she had brought one with her or not.--On this +score I will cork up some of the kind things that were ready to drop from +my pen, which has never been dipt in gall when addressing you; or, will +only suffer an exclamation--"The creature!" or a kind look, to escape me, +when I pass the slippers--which I could not remove from my _salle_ door, +though they are not the handsomest of their kind. + +Be not too anxious to get money!--for nothing worth having is to be +purchased. God bless you. + +Yours affectionately + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER VIII. + +Monday Night [December 30.] + +MY best love, your letter to-night was particularly grateful to my heart, +depressed by the letters I received by ----, for he brought me several, +and the parcel of books directed to Mr. ------ was for me. Mr. ------'s +letter was long and very affectionate; but the account he gives me of his +own affairs, though he obviously makes the best of them, has vexed me. + +A melancholy letter from my sister ------ has also harrassed my +mind--that from my brother would have given me sincere pleasure; but for +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +There is a spirit of independence in his letter, that will please you; +and you shall see it, when we are once more over the fire together.--I +think that you would hail him as a brother, with one of your tender +looks, when your heart not only gives a lustre to your eye, but a dance +of playfulness, that he would meet with a glow half made up of +bashfulness, and a desire to please the----where shall I find a word to +express the relationship which subsists between us?--Shall I ask the +little twitcher?--But I have dropt half the sentence that was to tell you +how much he would be inclined to love the man loved by his sister. I have +been fancying myself sitting between you, ever since I began to write, +and my heart has leaped at the thought!--You see how I chat to you. + +I did not receive your letter till I came home; and I did not expect it, +for the post came in much later than usual. It was a cordial to me--and I +wanted one. + +Mr. ---- tells me that he has written again and again.--Love him a +little!--It would be a kind of separation, if you did not love those I +love. + +There was so much considerate tenderness in your epistle to-night, that, +if it has not made you dearer to me, it has made me forcibly feel how +very dear you are to me, by charming away half my cares. + +Yours affectionately + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER IX. + +Tuesday Morning [December 31.] + +THOUGH I have just sent a letter off, yet, as captain ---- offers to take +one, I am not willing to let him go without a kind greeting, because +trifles of this sort, without having any effect on my mind, damp my +spirits:--and you, with all your struggles to be manly, have some of this +same sensibility.--Do not bid it begone, for I love to see it striving to +master your features; besides, these kind of sympathies are the life of +affection: and why, in cultivating our understandings, should we try to +dry up these springs of pleasure, which gush out to give a freshness to +days browned by care! + +The books sent to me are such as we may read together; so I shall not +look into them till you return; when you shall read, whilst I mend my +stockings. + +Yours truly + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER X. + +Wednesday Night [January 1.] + +AS I have been, you tell me, three days without writing, I ought not to +complain of two: yet, as I expected to receive a letter this afternoon, I +am hurt; and why should I, by concealing it, affect the heroism I do not +feel? + +I hate commerce. How differently must ------'s head and heart be +organized from mine! You will tell me, that exertions are necessary: I am +weary of them! The face of things, public and private, vexes me. The +"peace" and clemency which seemed to be dawning a few days ago, disappear +again. "I am fallen," as Milton said, "on evil days;" for I really +believe that Europe will be in a state of convulsion, during half a +century at least. Life is but a labour of patience: it is always rolling +a great stone up a hill; for, before a person can find a resting-place, +imagining it is lodged, down it comes again, and all the work is to be +done over anew! + +Should I attempt to write any more, I could not change the strain. My +head aches, and my heart is heavy. The world appears an "unweeded +garden," where "things rank and vile" flourish best. + +If you do not return soon--or, which is no such mighty matter, talk of +it--I will throw your slippers out at window, and be off--nobody knows +where. + +* * * * + +Finding that I was observed, I told the good women, the two Mrs. ----s, +simply that I was with child: and let them stare! and ------, and ------, +nay, all the world, may know it for aught I care!--Yet I wish to avoid +------'s coarse jokes. + +Considering the care and anxiety a woman must have about a child before +it comes into the world, it seems to me, by a _natural right_, to belong +to her. When men get immersed in the world, they seem to lose all +sensations, excepting those necessary to continue or produce life!--Are +these the privileges of reason? Amongst the feathered race, whilst the +hen keeps the young warm, her mate stays by to cheer her; but it is +sufficient for man to condescend to get a child, in order to claim it.--A +man is a tyrant! + +You may now tell me, that, if it were not for me, you would be laughing +away with some honest fellows in L--n. The casual exercise of social +sympathy would not be sufficient for me--I should not think such an +heartless life worth preserving.--It is necessary to be in good-humour +with you, to be pleased with the world. + + * * * * * + +Thursday Morning. + +I WAS very low-spirited last night, ready to quarrel with your cheerful +temper, which makes absence easy to you.--And, why should I mince the the +matter? I was offended at your not even mentioning it.--I do not want to +be loved like a goddess; but I wish to be necessary to you. God bless +you[27-A]! + + * * * * * + +LETTER XI. + +Monday Night. + +I HAVE just received your kind and rational letter, and would fain hide +my face, glowing with shame for my folly.--I would hide it in your bosom, +if you would again open it to me, and nestle closely till you bade my +fluttering heart be still, by saying that you forgave me. With eyes +overflowing with tears, and in the humblest attitude, I intreat you.--Do +not turn from me, for indeed I love you fondly, and have been very +wretched, since the night I was so cruelly hurt by thinking that you had +no confidence in me---- + +It is time for me to grow more reasonable, a few more of these caprices +of sensibility would destroy me. I have, in fact, been very much +indisposed for a few days past, and the notion that I was tormenting, or +perhaps killing, a poor little animal, about whom I am grown anxious and +tender, now I feel it alive, made me worse. My bowels have been +dreadfully disordered, and every thing I ate or drank disagreed with my +stomach; still I feel intimations of its existence, though they have been +fainter. + +Do you think that the creature goes regularly to sleep? I am ready to ask +as many questions as Voltaire's Man of Forty Crowns. Ah! do not continue +to be angry with me! You perceive that I am already smiling through my +tears--You have lightened my heart, and my frozen spirits are melting +into playfulness. + +Write the moment you receive this. I shall count the minutes. But drop +not an angry word--I cannot now bear it. Yet, if you think I deserve a +scolding (it does not admit of a question, I grant), wait till you come +back--and then, if you are angry one day, I shall be sure of seeing you +the next. + +------ did not write to you, I suppose, because he talked of going to +H----. Hearing that I was ill, he called very kindly on me, not dreaming +that it was some words that he incautiously let fall, which rendered me +so. + +God bless you, my love; do not shut your heart against a return of +tenderness; and, as I now in fancy cling to you, be more than ever my +support.--Feel but as affectionate when you read this letter, as I did +writing it, and you will make happy, your + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XII. + +Wednesday Morning. + +I WILL never, if I am not entirely cured of quarrelling, begin to +encourage "quick-coming fancies," when we are separated. Yesterday, my +love, I could not open your letter for some time; and, though it was not +half as severe as I merited, it threw me into such a fit of trembling, as +seriously alarmed me. I did not, as you may suppose, care for a little +pain on my own account; but all the fears which I have had for a few days +past, returned with fresh force. This morning I am better; will you not +be glad to hear it? You perceive that sorrow has almost made a child of +me, and that I want to be soothed to peace. + +One thing you mistake in my character, and imagine that to be coldness +which is just the contrary. For, when I am hurt by the person most dear +to me, I must let out a whole torrent of emotions, in which tenderness +would be uppermost, or stifle them altogether; and it appears to me +almost a duty to stifle them, when I imagine _that I am treated with +coldness_. + +I am afraid that I have vexed you, my own ----. I know the quickness of +your feelings--and let me, in the sincerity of my heart, assure you, +there is nothing I would not suffer to make you happy. My own happiness +wholly depends on you--and, knowing you, when my reason is not clouded, I +look forward to a rational prospect of as much felicity as the earth +affords--with a little dash of rapture into the bargain, if you will look +at me, when we meet again, as you have sometimes greeted, your humbled, +yet most affectionate + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XIII. + +Thursday Night. + +I HAVE been wishing the time away, my kind love, unable to rest till I +knew that my penitential letter had reached your hand--and this +afternoon, when your tender epistle of Tuesday gave such exquisite +pleasure to your poor sick girl, her heart smote her to think that you +were still to receive another cold one.--Burn it also, my ----; yet do +not forget that even those letters were full of love; and I shall ever +recollect, that you did not wait to be mollified by my penitence, before +you took me again to your heart. + +I have been unwell, and would not, now I am recovering, take a journey, +because I have been seriously alarmed and angry with myself, dreading +continually the fatal consequence of my folly.--But, should you think it +right to remain at H--, I shall find some opportunity, in the course of a +fortnight, or less perhaps, to come to you, and before then I shall be +strong again.--Yet do not be uneasy! I am really better, and never took +such care of myself, as I have done since you restored my peace of mind. +The girl is come to warm my bed--so I will tenderly say, good night! and +write a line or two in the morning. + +Morning. + +I WISH you were here to walk with me this fine morning! yet your absence +shall not prevent me. I have stayed at home too much; though, when I was +so dreadfully out of spirits, I was careless of every thing. + +I will now sally forth (you will go with me in my heart) and try whether +this fine bracing air will not give the vigour to the poor babe, it had, +before I so inconsiderately gave way to the grief that deranged my +bowels, and gave a turn to my whole system. + +Yours truly + +* * * * * * * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XIV. + +Saturday Morning. + +THE two or three letters, which I have written to you lately, my love, +will serve as an answer to your explanatory one. I cannot but respect +your motives and conduct. I always respected them; and was only hurt, by +what seemed to me a want of confidence, and consequently affection.--I +thought also, that if you were obliged to stay three months at H--, I +might as well have been with you.--Well! well, what signifies what I +brooded over--Let us now be friends! + +I shall probably receive a letter from you to-day, sealing my pardon--and +I will be careful not to torment you with my querulous humours, at +least, till I see you again. Act as circumstances direct, and I will not +enquire when they will permit you to return, convinced that you will +hasten to your * * * *, when you have attained (or lost sight of) the +object of your journey. + +What a picture have you sketched of our fire-side! Yes, my love, my fancy +was instantly at work, and I found my head on your shoulder, whilst my +eyes were fixed on the little creatures that were clinging about your +knees. I did not absolutely determine that there should be six--if you +have not set your heart on this round number. + +I am going to dine with Mrs. ----. I have not been to visit her since the +first day she came to Paris. I wish indeed to be out in the air as much +as I can; for the exercise I have taken these two or three days past, +has been of such service to me, that I hope shortly to tell you, that I +am quite well. I have scarcely slept before last night, and then not +much.--The two Mrs. ------s have been very anxious and tender. + +Yours truly + +* * * * + +I need not desire you to give the colonel a good bottle of wine. + + * * * * * + +LETTER XV. + +Sunday Morning. + +I WROTE to you yesterday, my ----; but, finding that the colonel is still +detained (for his passport was forgotten at the office yesterday) I am +not willing to let so many days elapse without your hearing from me, +after having talked of illness and apprehensions. + +I cannot boast of being quite recovered, yet I am (I must use my +Yorkshire phrase; for, when my heart is warm, pop come the expressions of +childhood into my head) so _lightsome_, that I think it will not _go +badly with me_.--And nothing shall be wanting on my part, I assure you; +for I am urged on, not only by an enlivened affection for you, but by a +new-born tenderness that plays cheerly round my dilating heart. + +I was therefore, in defiance of cold and dirt, out in the air the greater +part of yesterday; and, if I get over this evening without a return of +the fever that has tormented me, I shall talk no more of illness. I have +promised the little creature, that its mother, who ought to cherish it, +will not again plague it, and begged it to pardon me; and, since I could +not hug either it or you to my breast, I have to my heart.--I am afraid +to read over this prattle--but it is only for your eye. + +I have been seriously vexed, to find that, whilst you were harrassed by +impediments in your undertakings, I was giving you additional +uneasiness.--If you can make any of your plans answer--it is well, I do +not think a _little_ money inconvenient; but, should they fail, we will +struggle cheerfully together--drawn closer by the pinching blasts of +poverty. + +Adieu, my love! Write often to your poor girl, and write long letters; +for I not only like them for being longer, but because more heart steals +into them; and I am happy to catch your heart whenever I can. + +Yours sincerely + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XVI. + +Tuesday Morning. + +I SEIZE this opportunity to inform you, that I am to set out on Thursday +with Mr. ------, and hope to tell you soon (on your lips) how glad I +shall be to see you. I have just got my passport, so I do not foresee any +impediment to my reaching H----, to bid you good-night next Friday in my +new apartment--where I am to meet you and love, in spite of care, to +smile me to sleep--for I have not caught much rest since we parted. + +You have, by your tenderness and worth, twisted yourself more artfully +round my heart, than I supposed possible.--Let me indulge the thought, +that I have thrown out some tendrils to cling to the elm by which I wish +to be supported.--This is talking a new language for me!--But, knowing +that I am not a parasite-plant, I am willing to receive the proofs of +affection, that every pulse replies to, when I think of being once more +in the same house with you.--God bless you! + +Yours truly + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XVII. + +Wednesday Morning. + +I ONLY send this as an _avant-coureur_, without jack-boots, to tell you, +that I am again on the wing, and hope to be with you a few hours after +you receive it. I shall find you well, and composed, I am sure; or, more +properly speaking, cheerful.--What is the reason that my spirits are not +as manageable as yours? Yet, now I think of it, I will not allow that +your temper is even, though I have promised myself, in order to obtain my +own forgiveness, that I will not ruffle it for a long, long time--I am +afraid to say never. + +Farewell for a moment!--Do not forget that I am driving towards you in +person! My mind, unfettered, has flown to you long since, or rather has +never left you. + +I am well, and have no apprehension that I shall find the journey too +fatiguing, when I follow the lead of my heart.--With my face turned to +H--my spirits will not sink--and my mind has always hitherto enabled my +body to do whatever I wished. + +Yours affectionately + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XVIII. + +H--, Thursday Morning, March 12. + +WE are such creatures of habit, my love, that, though I cannot say I was +sorry, childishly so, for your going, when I knew that you were to stay +such a short time, and I had a plan of employment; yet I could not +sleep.--I turned to your side of the bed, and tried to make the most of +the comfort of the pillow, which you used to tell me I was churlish +about; but all would not do.--I took nevertheless my walk before +breakfast, though the weather was not very inviting--and here I am, +wishing you a finer day, and seeing you peep over my shoulder, as I +write, with one of your kindest looks--when your eyes glisten, and a +suffusion creeps over your relaxing features. + +But I do not mean to dally with you this morning--So God bless you! Take +care of yourself--and sometimes fold to your heart your affectionate + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XIX. + +DO not call me stupid, for leaving on the table the little bit of paper I +was to inclose.--This comes of being in love at the fag-end of a letter +of business.--You know, you say, they will not chime together.--I had got +you by the fire-side, with the _gigot_ smoking on the board, to lard your +poor bare ribs--and behold, I closed my letter without taking the paper +up, that was directly under my eyes!--What had I got in them to render me +so blind?--I give you leave to answer the question, if you will not +scold; for I am + +Yours most affectionately + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XX. + +Sunday, August 17. + +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- + +I have promised ------ to go with him to his country-house, where he is +now permitted to dine--I, and the little darling, to be sure[47-A]--whom +I cannot help kissing with more fondness, since you left us. I think I +shall enjoy the fine prospect, and that it will rather enliven, than +satiate my imagination. + +I have called on Mrs. ------. She has the manners of a gentlewoman, with +a dash of the easy French coquetry, which renders her _piquante_.--But +_Monsieur_ her husband, whom nature never dreamed of casting in either +the mould of a gentleman or lover, makes but an aukward figure in the +foreground of the picture. + +The H----s are very ugly, without doubt--and the house smelt of commerce +from top to toe--so that his abortive attempt to display taste, only +proved it to be one of the things not to be bought with gold. I was in a +room a moment alone, and my attention was attracted by the _pendule_--A +nymph was offering up her vows before a smoking altar, to a fat-bottomed +Cupid (saving your presence), who was kicking his heels in the air.--Ah! +kick on, thought I; for the demon of traffic will ever fright away the +loves and graces, that streak with the rosy beams of infant fancy the +_sombre_ day of life--whilst the imagination, not allowing us to see +things as they are, enables us to catch a hasty draught of the running +stream of delight, the thirst for which seems to be given only to +tantalize us. + +But I am philosophizing; nay, perhaps you will call me severe, and bid me +let the square-headed money-getters alone.--Peace to them! though none of +the social sprites (and there are not a few of different descriptions, +who sport about the various inlets to my heart) gave me a twitch to +restrain my pen. + +I have been writing on, expecting poor ------ to come; for, when I began, +I merely thought of business; and, as this is the idea that most +naturally associates with your image, I wonder I stumbled on any other. + +Yet, as common life, in my opinion, is scarcely worth having, even with a +_gigot_ every day, and a pudding added thereunto, I will allow you to +cultivate my judgment, if you will permit me to keep alive the sentiments +in your heart, which may be termed romantic, because, the offspring of +the senses and the imagination, they resemble the mother more than the +father[50-A], when they produce the suffusion I admire.--In spite of icy +age, I hope still to see it, if you have not determined only to eat and +drink, and be stupidly useful to the stupid-- + +Yours + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XXI. + +H--, August 19, Tuesday. + +I RECEIVED both your letters to-day--I had reckoned on hearing from you +yesterday, therefore was disappointed, though I imputed your silence to +the right cause. I intended answering your kind letter immediately, that +you might have felt the pleasure it gave me; but ------ came in, and +some other things interrupted me; so that the fine vapour has +evaporated--yet, leaving a sweet scent behind, I have only to tell you, +what is sufficiently obvious, that the earnest desire I have shown to +keep my place, or gain more ground in your heart, is a sure proof how +necessary your affection is to my happiness.--Still I do not think it +false delicacy, or foolish pride, to wish that your attention to my +happiness should arise _as much_ from love, which is always rather a +selfish passion, as reason--that is, I want you to promote my felicity, +by seeking your own.--For, whatever pleasure it may give me to discover +your generosity of soul, I would not be dependent for your affection on +the very quality I most admire. No; there are qualities in your heart, +which demand my affection; but, unless the attachment appears to me +clearly mutual, I shall labour only to esteem your character, instead of +cherishing a tenderness for your person. + +I write in a hurry, because the little one, who has been sleeping a long +time, begins to call for me. Poor thing! when I am sad, I lament that all +my affections grow on me, till they become too strong for my peace, +though they all afford me snatches of exquisite enjoyment--This for our +little girl was at first very reasonable--more the effect of reason, a +sense of duty, than feeling--now, she has got into my heart and +imagination, and when I walk out without her, her little figure is ever +dancing before me. + +You too have somehow clung round my heart--I found I could not eat my +dinner in the great room--and, when I took up the large knife to carve +for myself, tears rushed into my eyes.--Do not however suppose that I am +melancholy--for, when you are from me, I not only wonder how I can find +fault with you--but how I can doubt your affection. + +I will not mix any comments on the inclosed (it roused my indignation) +with the effusion of tenderness, with which I assure you, that you are +the friend of my bosom, and the prop of my heart. + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XXII. + +H--, August 20. + +I WANT to know what steps you have taken respecting ----. Knavery always +rouses my indignation--I should be gratified to hear that the law had +chastised ------ severely; but I do not wish you to see him, because the +business does not now admit of peaceful discussion, and I do not exactly +know how you would express your contempt. + +Pray ask some questions about Tallien--I am still pleased with the +dignity of his conduct.--The other day, in the cause of humanity, he made +use of a degree of address, which I admire--and mean to point out to +you, as one of the few instances of address which do credit to the +abilities of the man, without taking away from that confidence in his +openness of heart, which is the true basis of both public and private +friendship. + +Do not suppose that I mean to allude to a little reserve of temper in +you, of which I have sometimes complained! You have been used to a +cunning woman, and you almost look for cunning--Nay, in _managing_ my +happiness, you now and then wounded my sensibility, concealing yourself, +till honest sympathy, giving you to me without disguise, lets me look +into a heart, which my half-broken one wishes to creep into, to be +revived and cherished.----You have frankness of heart, but not often +exactly that overflowing (_épanchement de coeur_), which becoming almost +childish, appears a weakness only to the weak. + +But I have left poor Tallien. I wanted you to enquire likewise whether, +as a member declared in the convention, Robespierre really maintained a +_number_ of mistresses.--Should it prove so, I suspect that they rather +flattered his vanity than his senses. + +Here is a chatting, desultory epistle! But do not suppose that I mean to +close it without mentioning the little damsel--who has been almost +springing out of my arm--she certainly looks very like you--but I do not +love her the less for that, whether I am angry or pleased with you.-- + +Yours affectionately + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XXIII[58-A]. + +September 22. + +I HAVE just written two letters, that are going by other conveyances, and +which I reckon on your receiving long before this. I therefore merely +write, because I know I should be disappointed at seeing any one who had +left you, if you did not send a letter, were it ever so short, to tell me +why you did not write a longer--and you will want to be told, over and +over again, that our little Hercules is quite recovered. + +Besides looking at me, there are three other things, which delight +her--to ride in a coach, to look at a scarlet waistcoat, and hear loud +music--yesterday, at the _fête_, she enjoyed the two latter; but, to +honour J. J. Rousseau, I intend to give her a sash, the first she has +ever had round her--and why not?--for I have always been half in love +with him. + +Well, this you will say is trifling--shall I talk about alum or soap? +There is nothing picturesque in your present pursuits; my imagination +then rather chuses to ramble back to the barrier with you, or to see you +coming to meet me, and my basket of grapes.--With what pleasure do I +recollect your looks and words, when I have been sitting on the window, +regarding the waving corn! + +Believe me, sage sir, you have not sufficient respect for the +imagination--I could prove to you in a trice that it is the mother of +sentiment, the great distinction of our nature, the only purifier of the +passions--animals have a portion of reason, and equal, if not more +exquisite, senses; but no trace of imagination, or her offspring taste, +appears in any of their actions. The impulse of the senses, passions, if +you will, and the conclusions of reason, draw men together; but the +imagination is the true fire, stolen from heaven, to animate this cold +creature of clay, producing all those fine sympathies that lead to +rapture, rendering men social by expanding their hearts, instead of +leaving them leisure to calculate how many comforts society affords. + +If you call these observations romantic, a phrase in this place which +would be tantamount to nonsensical, I shall be apt to retort, that you +are embruted by trade, and the vulgar enjoyments of life--Bring me then +back your barrier-face, or you shall have nothing to say to my +barrier-girl; and I shall fly from you, to cherish the remembrances that +will ever be dear to me; for I am yours truly + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XXIV. + +Evening, Sept. 23. + +I HAVE been playing and laughing with the little girl so long, that I +cannot take up my pen to address you without emotion. Pressing her to my +bosom, she looked so like you (_entre nous_, your best looks, for I do +not admire your commercial face) every nerve seemed to vibrate to the +touch, and I began to think that there was something in the assertion of +man and wife being one--for you seemed to pervade my whole frame, +quickening the beat of my heart, and lending me the sympathetic tears you +excited. + +Have I any thing more to say to you? No; not for the present--the rest is +all flown away; and, indulging tenderness for you, I cannot now complain +of some people here, who have ruffled my temper for two or three days +past. + + * * * * * + +Morning. + +YESTERDAY B---- sent to me for my packet of letters. He called on me +before; and I like him better than I did--that is, I have the same +opinion of his understanding, but I think with you, he has more +tenderness and real delicacy of feeling with respect to women, than are +commonly to be met with. His manner too of speaking of his little girl, +about the age of mine, interested me. I gave him a letter for my sister, +and requested him to see her. + +I have been interrupted. Mr. ----I suppose will write about business. +Public affairs I do not descant on, except to tell you that they write +now with great freedom and truth, and this liberty of the press will +overthrow the Jacobins, I plainly perceive. + +I hope you take care of your health. I have got a habit of restlessness +at night, which arises, I believe, from activity of mind; for, when I am +alone, that is, not near one to whom I can open my heart, I sink into +reveries and trains of thinking, which agitate and fatigue me. + +This is my third letter; when am I to hear from you? I need not tell you, +I suppose, that I am now writing with somebody in the room with me, and +---- is waiting to carry this to Mr. ----'s. I will then kiss the girl +for you, and bid you adieu. + +I desired you, in one of my other letters, to bring back to me your +barrier-face--or that you should not be loved by my barrier-girl. I know +that you will love her more and more, for she is a little affectionate, +intelligent creature, with as much vivacity, I should think, as you could +wish for. + +I was going to tell you of two or three things which displease me here; +but they are not of sufficient consequence to interrupt pleasing +sensations. I have received a letter from Mr. ----. I want you to bring +----with you. Madame S---- is by me, reading a German translation of your +letters--she desires me to give her love to you, on account of what you +say of the negroes. + +Yours most affectionately, + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XXV. + +Paris, Sept. 28. + +I HAVE written to you three or four letters; but different causes have +prevented my sending them by the persons who promised to take or forward +them. The inclosed is one I wrote to go by B----; yet, finding that he +will not arrive, before I hope, and believe, you will have set out on +your return, I inclose it to you, and shall give it in charge to ----, as +Mr. ---- is detained, to whom I also gave a letter. + +I cannot help being anxious to hear from you; but I shall not harrass you +with accounts of inquietudes, or of cares that arise from peculiar +circumstances.--I have had so many little plagues here, that I have +almost lamented that I left H----. ----, who is at best a most helpless +creature, is now, on account of her pregnancy, more trouble than use to +me, so that I still continue to be almost a slave to the child.--She +indeed rewards me, for she is a sweet little creature; for, setting aside +a mother's fondness (which, by the bye, is growing on me, her little +intelligent smiles sinking into my heart), she has an astonishing degree +of sensibility and observation. The other day by B----'s child, a fine +one, she looked like a little sprite.--She is all life and motion, and +her eyes are not the eyes of a fool--I will swear. + +I slept at St. Germain's, in the very room (if you have not forgot) in +which you pressed me very tenderly to your heart.--I did not forget to +fold my darling to mine, with sensations that are almost too sacred to +be alluded to. + +Adieu, my love! Take care of yourself, if you wish to be the protector of +your child, and the comfort of her mother. + +I have received, for you, letters from --------. I want to hear how that +affair finishes, though I do not know whether I have most contempt for +his folly or knavery. + +Your own + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XXVI. + +October 1. + +IT is a heartless task to write letters, without knowing whether they +will ever reach you.--I have given two to ----, who has been a-going, +a-going, every day, for a week past; and three others, which were written +in a low-spirited strain, a little querulous or so, I have not been able +to forward by the opportunities that were mentioned to me. _Tant mieux!_ +you will say, and I will not say nay; for I should be sorry that the +contents of a letter, when you are so far away, should damp the pleasure +that the sight of it would afford--judging of your feelings by my own. I +just now stumbled on one of the kind letters, which you wrote during your +last absence. You are then a dear affectionate creature, and I will not +plague you. The letter which you chance to receive, when the absence is +so long, ought to bring only tears of tenderness, without any bitter +alloy, into your eyes. + +After your return I hope indeed, that you will not be so immersed in +business, as during the last three or four months past--for even money, +taking into the account all the future comforts it is to procure, may be +gained at too dear a rate, if painful impressions are left on the +mind.--These impressions were much more lively, soon after you went away, +than at present--for a thousand tender recollections efface the +melancholy traces they left on my mind--and every emotion is on the same +side as my reason, which always was on yours.--Separated, it would be +almost impious to dwell on real or imaginary imperfections of +character.--I feel that I love you; and, if I cannot be happy with you, I +will seek it no where else. + +My little darling grows every day more dear to me--and she often has a +kiss, when we are alone together, which I give her for you, with all my +heart. + +I have been interrupted--and must send off my letter. The liberty of the +press will produce a great effect here--the _cry of blood will not be +vain_!--Some more monsters will perish--and the Jacobins are +conquered.--Yet I almost fear the last slap of the tail of the beast. + +I have had several trifling teazing inconveniencies here, which I shall +not now trouble you with a detail of.--I am sending ---- back; her +pregnancy rendered her useless. The girl I have got has more vivacity, +which is better for the child. + +I long to hear from you.--Bring a copy of ---- and ---- with you. + +---- is still here: he is a lost man.--He really loves his wife, and is +anxious about his children; but his indiscriminate hospitality and social +feelings have given him an inveterate habit of drinking, that destroys +his health, as well as renders his person disgusting.--If his wife had +more sense, or delicacy, she might restrain him: as it is, nothing will +save him. + +Yours most truly and affectionately + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XXVII. + +October 26. + +MY dear love, I began to wish so earnestly to hear from you, that the +sight of your letters occasioned such pleasurable emotions, I was obliged +to throw them aside till the little girl and I were alone together; and +this said little girl, our darling, is become a most intelligent little +creature, and as gay as a lark, and that in the morning too, which I do +not find quite so convenient. I once told you, that the sensations before +she was born, and when she is sucking, were pleasant; but they do not +deserve to be compared to the emotions I feel, when she stops to smile +upon me, or laughs outright on meeting me unexpectedly in the street, or +after a short absence. She has now the advantage of having two good +nurses, and I am at present able to discharge my duty to her, without +being the slave of it. + +I have therefore employed and amused myself since I got rid of ----, and +am making a progress in the language amongst other things. I have also +made some new acquaintance. I have almost _charmed_ a judge of the +tribunal, R----, who, though I should not have thought it possible, has +humanity, if not _beaucoup d'esprit_. But let me tell you, if you do not +make haste back, I shall be half in love with the author of the +_Marseillaise_, who is a handsome man, a little too broad-faced or so, +and plays sweetly on the violin. + +What do you say to this threat?--why, _entre nous_, I like to give way to +a sprightly vein, when writing to you, that is, when I am pleased with +you. "The devil," you know, is proverbially said to be "in a good humour, +when he is pleased." Will you not then be a good boy, and come back +quickly to play with your girls? but I shall not allow you to love the +new-comer best. + +-- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- + +My heart longs for your return, my love, and only looks for, and seeks +happiness with you; yet do not imagine that I childishly wish you to come +back, before you have arranged things in such a manner, that it will not +be necessary for you to leave us soon again; or to make exertions which +injure your constitution. + +Yours most truly and tenderly + +* * * * + +P.S. "You would oblige me by delivering the inclosed to Mr. ----, and +pray call for an answer.--It is for a person uncomfortably situated. + + * * * * * + +LETTER XXVIII. + +Dec. 26. + +I HAVE been, my love, for some days tormented by fears, that I would not +allow to assume a form--I had been expecting you daily--and I heard that +many vessels had been driven on shore during the late gale.--Well, I now +see your letter--and find that you are safe; I will not regret then that +your exertions have hitherto been so unavailing. + +-- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- + +Be that as it may, return to me when you have arranged the other matters, +which ---- has been crowding on you. I want to be sure that you are +safe--and not separated from me by a sea that must be passed. For, +feeling that I am happier than I ever was, do you wonder at my sometimes +dreading that fate has not done persecuting me? Come to me, my dearest +friend, husband, father of my child!--All these fond ties glow at my +heart at this moment, and dim my eyes.--With you an independence is +desirable; and it is always within our reach, if affluence escapes +us--without you the world again appears empty to me. But I am recurring +to some of the melancholy thoughts that have flitted across my mind for +some days past, and haunted my dreams. + +My little darling is indeed a sweet child; and I am sorry that you are +not here, to see her little mind unfold itself. You talk of "dalliance;" +but certainly no lover was ever more attached to his mistress, than she +is to me. Her eyes follow me every where, and by affection I have the +most despotic power over her. She is all vivacity or softness--yes; I +love her more than I thought I should. When I have been hurt at your +stay, I have embraced her as my only comfort--when pleased with you, for +looking and laughing like you; nay, I cannot, I find, long be angry with +you, whilst I am kissing her for resembling you. But there would be no +end to these details. Fold us both to your heart; for I am truly and +affectionately + +Yours + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XXIX. + +December 28. + +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- + +I do, my love, indeed sincerely sympathize with you in all your +disappointments.--Yet, knowing that you are well, and think of me with +affection, I only lament other disappointments, because I am sorry that +you should thus exert yourself in vain, and that you are kept from me. + +------, I know, urges you to stay, and is continually branching out into +new projects, because he has the idle desire to amass a large fortune, +rather an immense one, merely to have the credit of having made it. But +we who are governed by other motives, ought not to be led on by him. When +we meet, we will discuss this subject--You will listen to reason, and it +has probably occurred to you, that it will be better, in future, to +pursue some sober plan, which may demand more time, and still enable you +to arrive at the same end. It appears to me absurd to waste life in +preparing to live. + +Would it not now be possible to arrange your business in such a manner +as to avoid the inquietudes, of which I have had my share since your +departure? Is it not possible to enter into business, as an employment +necessary to keep the faculties awake, and (to sink a little in the +expressions) the pot boiling, without suffering what must ever be +considered as a secondary object, to engross the mind, and drive +sentiment and affection out of the heart? + +I am in a hurry to give this letter to the person who has promised to +forward it with ------'s. I wish then to counteract, in some measure, +what he has doubtless recommended most warmly. + +Stay, my friend, whilst it is _absolutely_ necessary.--I will give you no +tenderer name, though it glows at my heart, unless you come the moment +the settling the _present_ objects permit.--_I do not consent_ to your +taking any other journey--or the little woman and I will be off, the Lord +knows where. But, as I had rather owe every thing to your affection, and, +I may add, to your reason, (for this immoderate desire of wealth, which +makes ------ so eager to have you remain, is contrary to your principles +of action), I will not importune you.--I will only tell you, that I long +to see you--and, being at peace with you, I shall be hurt, rather than +made angry, by delays.--Having suffered so much in life, do not be +surprised if I sometimes, when left to myself, grow gloomy, and suppose +that it was all a dream, and that my happiness is not to last. I say +happiness, because remembrance retrenches all the dark shades of the +picture. + +My little one begins to show her teeth, and use her legs--She wants you +to bear your part in the nursing business, for I am fatigued with dancing +her, and yet she is not satisfied--she wants you to thank her mother for +taking such care of her, as you only can. + +Yours truly + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XXX. + +December 29. + +THOUGH I suppose you have later intelligence, yet, as ------ has just +informed me that he has an opportunity of sending immediately to you, I +take advantage of it to inclose you +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- + +How I hate this crooked business! This intercourse with the world, which +obliges one to see the worst side of human nature! Why cannot you be +content with the object you had first in view, when you entered into this +wearisome labyrinth?--I know very well that you have imperceptibly been +drawn on; yet why does one project, successful or abortive, only give +place to two others? Is it not sufficient to avoid poverty?--I am +contented to do my part; and, even here, sufficient to escape from +wretchedness is not difficult to obtain. And, let me tell you, I have my +project also--and, if you do not soon return, the little girl and I will +take care of ourselves; we will not accept any of your cold +kindness--your distant civilities--no; not we. + +This is but half jesting, for I am really tormented by the desire which +------ manifests to have you remain where you are.--Yet why do I talk to +you?--If he can persuade you--let him!--for, if you are not happier with +me, and your own wishes do not make you throw aside these eternal +projects, I am above using any arguments, though reason as well as +affection seems to offer them--if our affection be mutual, they will +occur to you--and you will act accordingly. + +Since my arrival here, I have found the German lady, of whom you have +heard me speak. Her first child died in the month; but she has another, +about the age of my ------, a fine little creature. They are still but +contriving to live----earning their daily bread--yet, though they are +but just above poverty, I envy them.--She is a tender, affectionate +mother--fatigued even by her attention.--However she has an affectionate +husband in her turn, to render her care light, and to share her pleasure. + +I will own to you that, feeling extreme tenderness for my little girl, I +grow sad very often when I am playing with her, that you are not here, to +observe with me how her mind unfolds, and her little heart becomes +attached!--These appear to me to be true pleasures--and still you suffer +them to escape you, in search of what we may never enjoy.--It is your own +maxim to "live in the present moment."--_If you do_--stay, for God's +sake; but tell me the truth--if not, tell me when I may expect to see +you, and let me not be always vainly looking for you, till I grow sick at +heart. + +Adieu! I am a little hurt.--I must take my darling to my bosom to comfort +me. + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XXXI. + +December 30. + +SHOULD you receive three or four of the letters at once which I have +written lately, do not think of Sir John Brute, for I do not mean to wife +you. I only take advantage of every occasion, that one out of three of my +epistles may reach your hands, and inform you that I am not of ------'s +opinion, who talks till he makes me angry, of the necessity of your +staying two or three months longer. I do not like this life of continual +inquietude--and, _entre nous_, I am determined to try to earn some money +here myself, in order to convince you that, if you chuse to run about the +world to get a fortune, it is for yourself--for the little girl and I +will live without your assistance, unless you are with us. I may be +termed proud--Be it so--but I will never abandon certain principles of +action. + +The common run of men have such an ignoble way of thinking, that, if they +debauch their hearts, and prostitute their persons, following perhaps a +gust of inebriation, they suppose the wife, slave rather, whom they +maintain, has no right to complain, and ought to receive the sultan, +whenever he deigns to return, with open arms, though his have been +polluted by half an hundred promiscuous amours during his absence. + +I consider fidelity and constancy as two distinct things; yet the former +is necessary, to give life to the other--and such a degree of respect do +I think due to myself, that, if only probity, which is a good thing in +its place, brings you back, never return!--for, if a wandering of the +heart, or even a caprice of the imagination detains you--there is an end +of all my hopes of happiness--I could not forgive it, if I would. + +I have gotten into a melancholy mood, you perceive. You know my opinion +of men in general; you know that I think them systematic tyrants, and +that it is the rarest thing in the world, to meet with a man with +sufficient delicacy of feeling to govern desire. When I am thus sad, I +lament that my little darling, fondly as I doat on her, is a girl.--I am +sorry to have a tie to a world that for me is ever sown with thorns. + +You will call this an ill-humoured letter, when, in fact, it is the +strongest proof of affection I can give, to dread to lose you. ------ has +taken such pains to convince me that you must and ought to stay, that it +has inconceivably depressed my spirits--You have always known my +opinion--I have ever declared, that two people, who mean to live +together, ought not to be long separated.--If certain things are more +necessary to you than me--search for them--Say but one word, and you +shall never hear of me more.--If not--for God's sake, let us struggle +with poverty--with any evil, but these continual inquietudes of business, +which I have been told were to last but a few months, though every day +the end appears more distant! This is the first letter in this strain +that I have determined to forward to you; the rest lie by, because I was +unwilling to give you pain, and I should not now write, if I did not +think that there would be no conclusion to the schemes, which demand, as +I am told, your presence. + +* * * *[91-A] + + * * * * * + +LETTER XXXII. + +January 9. + +I JUST now received one of your hasty _notes_; for business so entirely +occupies you, that you have not time, or sufficient command of thought, +to write letters. Beware! you seem to be got into a whirl of projects and +schemes, which are drawing you into a gulph, that, if it do not absorb +your happiness, will infallibly destroy mine. + +Fatigued during my youth by the most arduous struggles, not only to +obtain independence, but to render myself useful, not merely pleasure, +for which I had the most lively taste, I mean the simple pleasures that +flow from passion and affection, escaped me, but the most melancholy +views of life were impressed by a disappointed heart on my mind. Since I +knew you, I have been endeavouring to go back to my former nature, and +have allowed some time to glide away, winged with the delight which only +spontaneous enjoyment can give.--Why have you so soon dissolved the +charm? + +I am really unable to bear the continual inquietude which your and +------'s never-ending plans produce. This you may term want of +firmness--but you are mistaken--I have still sufficient firmness to +pursue my principle of action. The present misery, I cannot find a softer +word to do justice to my feelings, appears to me unnecessary--and +therefore I have not firmness to support it as you may think I ought. I +should have been content, and still wish, to retire with you to a +farm--My God! any thing, but these continual anxieties--any thing but +commerce, which debases the mind, and roots out affection from the heart. + +I do not mean to complain of subordinate inconveniences----yet I will +simply observe, that, led to expect you every week, I did not make the +arrangements required by the present circumstances, to procure the +necessaries of life. In order to have them, a servant, for that purpose +only, is indispensible--The want of wood, has made me catch the most +violent cold I ever had; and my head is so disturbed by continual +coughing, that I am unable to write without stopping frequently to +recollect myself.--This however is one of the common evils which must be +borne with----bodily pain does not touch the heart, though it fatigues +the spirits. + +Still as you talk of your return, even in February, doubtingly, I have +determined, the moment the weather changes, to wean my child.--It is too +soon for her to begin to divide sorrow!--And as one has well said, +"despair is a freeman," we will go and seek our fortune together. + +This is not a caprice of the moment--for your absence has given new +weight to some conclusions, that I was very reluctantly forming before +you left me.--I do not chuse to be a secondary object.--If your feelings +were in unison with mine, you would not sacrifice so much to visionary +prospects of future advantage. + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XXXIII. + +Jan. 15. + +I WAS just going to begin my letter with the fag end of a song, which +would only have told you, what I may as well say simply, that it is +pleasant to forgive those we love. I have received your two letters, +dated the 26th and 28th of December, and my anger died away. You can +scarcely conceive the effect some of your letters have produced on me. +After longing to hear from you during a tedious interval of suspense, I +have seen a superscription written by you.--Promising myself pleasure, +and feeling emotion, I have laid it by me, till the person who brought +it, left the room--when, behold! on opening it, I have found only half a +dozen hasty lines, that have damped all the rising affection of my soul. + +Well, now for business-- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- + +My animal is well; I have not yet taught her to eat, but nature is doing +the business. I gave her a crust to assist the cutting of her teeth; and +now she has two, she makes good use of them to gnaw a crust, biscuit, &c. +You would laugh to see her; she is just like a little squirrel; she will +guard a crust for two hours; and, after fixing her eye on an object for +some time, dart on it with an aim as sure as a bird of prey--nothing can +equal her life and spirits. I suffer from a cold; but it does not affect +her. Adieu! do not forget to love us--and come soon to tell us that you +do. + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XXXIV. + +Jan. 30. + +FROM the purport of your last letters, I would suppose that this will +scarcely reach you; and I have already written so many letters, that you +have either not received, or neglected to acknowledge, I do not find it +pleasant, or rather I have no inclination, to go over the same ground +again. If you have received them, and are still detained by new projects, +it is useless for me to say any more on the subject. I have done with it +for ever--yet I ought to remind you that your pecuniary interest suffers +by your absence. + +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- + +For my part, my head is turned giddy, by only hearing of plans to make +money, and my contemptuous feelings have sometimes burst out. I therefore +was glad that a violent cold gave me a pretext to stay at home, lest I +should have uttered unseasonable truths. + +My child is well, and the spring will perhaps restore me to myself.--I +have endured many inconveniences this winter, which should I be ashamed +to mention, if they had been unavoidable. "The secondary pleasures of +life," you say, "are very necessary to my comfort:" it may be so; but I +have ever considered them as secondary. If therefore you accuse me of +wanting the resolution necessary to bear the _common_[100-A] evils of +life; I should answer, that I have not fashioned my mind to sustain them, +because I would avoid them, cost what it would---- + +Adieu! + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XXXV. + +February 9. + +THE melancholy presentiment has for some time hung on my spirits, that we +were parted for ever; and the letters I received this day, by Mr. ----, +convince me that it was not without foundation. You allude to some other +letters, which I suppose have miscarried; for most of those I have got, +were only a few hasty lines, calculated to wound the tenderness the sight +of the superscriptions excited. + +I mean not however to complain; yet so many feelings are struggling for +utterance, and agitating a heart almost bursting with anguish, that I +find it very difficult to write with any degree of coherence. + +You left me indisposed, though you have taken no notice of it; and the +most fatiguing journey I ever had, contributed to continue it. However, I +recovered my health; but a neglected cold, and continual inquietude +during the last two months, have reduced me to a state of weakness I +never before experienced. Those who did not know that the canker-worm was +at work at the core, cautioned me about suckling my child too long.--God +preserve this poor child, and render her happier than her mother! + +But I am wandering from my subject: indeed my head turns giddy, when I +think that all the confidence I have had in the affection of others is +come to this. + +I did not expect this blow from you. I have done my duty to you and my +child; and if I am not to have any return of affection to reward me, I +have the sad consolation of knowing that I deserved a better fate. My +soul is weary--I am sick at heart; and, but for this little darling, I +would cease to care about a life, which is now stripped of every charm. + +You see how stupid I am, uttering declamation, when I meant simply to +tell you, that I consider your requesting me to come to you, as merely +dictated by honour.--Indeed, I scarcely understand you.--You request me +to come, and then tell me, that you have not given up all thoughts of +returning to this place. + +When I determined to live with you, I was only governed by affection.--I +would share poverty with you, but I turn with affright from the sea of +trouble on which you are entering.--I have certain principles of action: +I know what I look for to found my happiness on.--It is not money.--With +you I wished for sufficient to procure the comforts of life--as it is, +less will do.--I can still exert myself to obtain the necessaries of life +for my child, and she does not want more at present.--I have two or three +plans in my head to earn our subsistence; for do not suppose that, +neglected by you, I will lie under obligations of a pecuniary kind to +you!--No; I would sooner submit to menial service.--I wanted the support +of your affection--that gone, all is over!--I did not think, when I +complained of ----'s contemptible avidity to accumulate money, that he +would have dragged you into his schemes. + +I cannot write.--I inclose a fragment of a letter, written soon after +your departure, and another which tenderness made me keep back when it +was written.--You will see then the sentiments of a calmer, though not a +more determined, moment.--Do not insult me by saying, that "our being +together is paramount to every other consideration!" Were it, you would +not be running after a bubble, at the expence of my peace of mind. + +Perhaps this is the last letter you will ever receive from me. + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XXXVI. + +Feb. 10. + +YOU talk of "permanent views and future comfort"--not for me, for I am +dead to hope. The inquietudes of the last winter have finished the +business, and my heart is not only broken, but my constitution destroyed. +I conceive myself in a galloping consumption, and the continual anxiety I +feel at the thought of leaving my child, feeds the fever that nightly +devours me. It is on her account that I again write to you, to conjure +you, by all that you hold sacred, to leave her here with the German lady +you may have heard me mention! She has a child of the same age, and they +may be brought up together, as I wish her to be brought up. I shall +write more fully on the subject. To facilitate this, I shall give up my +present lodgings, and go into the same house. I can live much cheaper +there, which is now become an object. I have had 3000 livres from ----, +and I shall take one more, to pay my servant's wages, &c. and then I +shall endeavour to procure what I want by my own exertions. I shall +entirely give up the acquaintance of the Americans. + +---- and I have not been on good terms a long time. Yesterday he very +unmanlily exulted over me, on account of your determination to stay. I +had provoked it, it is true, by some asperities against commerce, which +have dropped from me, when we have argued about the propriety of your +remaining where you are; and it is no matter, I have drunk too deep of +the bitter cup to care about trifles. + +When you first entered into these plans, you bounded your views to the +gaining of a thousand pounds. It was sufficient to have procured a farm +in America, which would have been an independence. You find now that you +did not know yourself, and that a certain situation in life is more +necessary to you than you imagined--more necessary than an uncorrupted +heart--For a year or two, you may procure yourself what you call +pleasure; eating, drinking, and women; but, in the solitude of declining +life, I shall be remembered with regret--I was going to say with remorse, +but checked my pen. + +As I have never concealed the nature of my connection with you, your +reputation will not suffer. I shall never have a confident: I am content +with the approbation of my own mind; and, if there be a searcher of +hearts, mine will not be despised. Reading what you have written relative +to the desertion of women, I have often wondered how theory and practice +could be so different, till I recollected, that the sentiments of +passion, and the resolves of reason, are very distinct. As to my sisters, +as you are so continually hurried with business, you need not write to +them--I shall, when my mind is calmer. God bless you! Adieu! + +* * * * + +This has been such a period of barbarity and misery, I ought not to +complain of having my share. I wish one moment that I had never heard of +the cruelties that have been practised here, and the next envy the +mothers who have been killed with their children. Surely I had suffered +enough in life, not to be cursed with a fondness, that burns up the vital +stream I am imparting. You will think me mad: I would I were so, that I +could forget my misery--so that my head or heart would be still.---- + + * * * * * + +LETTER XXXVII. + +Feb. 19. + +WHEN I first received your letter, putting off your return to an +indefinite time, I felt so hurt, that I know not what I wrote. I am now +calmer, though it was not the kind of wound over which time has the +quickest effect; on the contrary, the more I think, the sadder I grow. +Society fatigues me inexpressibly--So much so, that finding fault with +every one, I have only reason enough, to discover that the fault is in +myself. My child alone interests me, and, but for her, I should not take +any pains to recover my health. + +As it is, I shall wean her, and try if by that step (to which I feel a +repugnance, for it is my only solace) I can get rid of my cough. +Physicians talk much of the danger attending any complaint on the lungs, +after a woman has suckled for some months. They lay a stress also on the +necessity of keeping the mind tranquil--and, my God! how has mine been +harrassed! But whilst the caprices of other women are gratified, "the +wind of heaven not suffered to visit them too rudely," I have not found +a guardian angel, in heaven or on earth, to ward off sorrow or care from +my bosom. + +What sacrifices have you not made for a woman you did not respect!--But I +will not go over this ground--I want to tell you that I do not understand +you. You say that you have not given up all thoughts of returning +here--and I know that it will be necessary--nay, is. I cannot explain +myself; but if you have not lost your memory, you will easily divine my +meaning. What! is our life then only to be made up of separations? and am +I only to return to a country, that has not merely lost all charms for +me, but for which I feel a repugnance that almost amounts to horror, only +to be left there a prey to it! + +Why is it so necessary that I should return?--brought up here, my girl +would be freer. Indeed, expecting you to join us, I had formed some plans +of usefulness that have now vanished with my hopes of happiness. + +In the bitterness of my heart, I could complain with reason, that I am +left here dependent on a man, whose avidity to acquire a fortune has +rendered him callous to every sentiment connected with social or +affectionate emotions.--With a brutal insensibility, he cannot help +displaying the pleasure your determination to stay gives him, in spite of +the effect it is visible it has had on me. + +Till I can earn money, I shall endeavour to borrow some, for I want to +avoid asking him continually for the sum necessary to maintain me.--Do +not mistake me, I have never been refused.--Yet I have gone half a dozen +times to the house to ask for it, and come away without speaking----you +must guess why--Besides, I wish to avoid hearing of the eternal projects +to which you have sacrificed my peace--not remembering--but I will be +silent for ever.---- + + * * * * * + +LETTER XXXVIII. + +April 7. + +HERE I am at H----, on the wing towards you, and I write now, only to +tell you, that you may expect me in the course of three or four days; +for I shall not attempt to give vent to the different emotions which +agitate my heart--You may term a feeling, which appears to me to be a +degree of delicacy that naturally arises from sensibility, pride--Still I +cannot indulge the very affectionate tenderness which glows in my bosom, +without trembling, till I see, by your eyes, that it is mutual. + +I sit, lost in thought, looking at the sea--and tears rush into my eyes, +when I find that I am cherishing any fond expectations.--I have indeed +been so unhappy this winter, I find it as difficult to acquire fresh +hopes, as to regain tranquillity.--Enough of this--lie still, foolish +heart!--But for the little girl, I could almost wish that it should cease +to beat, to be no more alive to the anguish of disappointment. + +Sweet little creature! I deprived myself of my only pleasure, when I +weaned her, about ten days ago.--I am however glad I conquered my +repugnance.--It was necessary it should be done soon, and I did not wish +to embitter the renewal of your acquaintance with her, by putting it off +till we met.--It was a painful exertion to me, and I thought it best to +throw this inquietude with the rest, into the sack that I would fain +throw over my shoulder.--I wished to endure it alone, in short--Yet, +after sending her to sleep in the next room for three or four nights, you +cannot think with what joy I took her back again to sleep in my bosom! + +I suppose I shall find you, when I arrive, for I do not see any necessity +for your coming to me.--Pray inform Mr. ------, that I have his little +friend with me.--My wishing to oblige him, made me put myself to some +inconvenience----and delay my departure; which was irksome to me, who +have not quite as much philosophy, I would not for the world say +indifference, as you. God bless you! + +Yours truly, + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XXXIX. + +Brighthelmstone, Saturday, April 11. + +HERE we are, my love, and mean to set out early in the morning; and, if I +can find you, I hope to dine with you to-morrow.--I shall drive to +------'s hotel, where ------ tells me you have been--and, if you have +left it, I hope you will take care to be there to receive us. + +I have brought with me Mr. ----'s little friend, and a girl whom I like +to take care of our little darling--not on the way, for that fell to my +share.--But why do I write about trifles?--or any thing?--Are we not to +meet soon?--What does your heart say! + +Yours truly + +* * * * + +I have weaned my ------, and she is now eating away at the white bread. + + * * * * * + +LETTER XL. + +London, Friday, May 22. + +I HAVE just received your affectionate letter, and am distressed to think +that I have added to your embarrassments at this troublesome juncture, +when the exertion of all the faculties of your mind appears to be +necessary, to extricate you out of your pecuniary difficulties. I suppose +it was something relative to the circumstance you have mentioned, which +made ------ request to see me to-day, to _converse about a matter of +great importance_. Be that as it may, his letter (such is the state of my +spirits) inconceivably alarmed me, and rendered the last night as +distressing, as the two former had been. + +I have laboured to calm my mind since you left me--Still I find that +tranquillity is not to be obtained by exertion; it is a feeling so +different from the resignation of despair!--I am however no longer angry +with you--nor will I ever utter another complaint--there are arguments +which convince the reason, whilst they carry death to the heart.--We have +had too many cruel explanations, that not only cloud every future +prospect; but embitter the remembrances which alone give life to +affection.--Let the subject never be revived! + +It seems to me that I have not only lost the hope, but the power of being +happy.--Every emotion is now sharpened by anguish.--My soul has been +shook, and my tone of feelings destroyed.--I have gone out--and sought +for dissipation, if not amusement, merely to fatigue still more, I find, +my irritable nerves---- + +My friend--my dear friend--examine yourself well--I am out of the +question; for, alas! I am nothing--and discover what you wish to do--what +will render you most comfortable--or, to be more explicit--whether you +desire to live with me, or part for ever? When you can once ascertain it, +tell me frankly, I conjure you!--for, believe me, I have very +involuntarily interrupted your peace. + +I shall expect you to dinner on Monday, and will endeavour to assume a +cheerful face to greet you--at any rate I will avoid conversations, +which only tend to harrass your feelings, because I am most +affectionately yours, + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XLI. + +Wednesday. + +I INCLOSE you the letter, which you desired me to forward, and I am +tempted very laconically to wish you a good morning--not because I am +angry, or have nothing to say; but to keep down a wounded spirit.--I +shall make every effort to calm my mind--yet a strong conviction seems to +whirl round in the very centre of my brain, which, like the fiat of +fate, emphatically assures me, that grief has a firm hold of my heart. + +God bless you! + +Yours sincerely + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XLII. + +--, Wednesday, Two o'Clock. + +WE arrived here about an hour ago. I am extremely fatigued with the +child, who would not rest quiet with any body but me, during the +night--and now we are here in a comfortless, damp room, in a sort of a +tomb-like house. This however I shall quickly remedy, for, when I have +finished this letter, (which I must do immediately, because the post goes +out early), I shall sally forth, and enquire about a vessel and an inn. + +I will not distress you by talking of the depression of my spirits, or +the struggle I had to keep alive my dying heart.--It is even now too full +to allow me to write with composure.--*****,--dear *****, --am I always +to be tossed about thus?--shall I never find an asylum to rest +_contented_ in? How can you love to fly about continually--dropping down, +as it were, in a new world--cold and strange!--every other day? Why do +you not attach those tender emotions round the idea of home, which even +now dim my eyes?--This alone is affection--every thing else is only +humanity, electrified by sympathy. + +I will write to you again to-morrow, when I know how long I am to be +detained--and hope to get a letter quickly from you, to cheer yours +sincerely and affectionately + +* * * * + +------ is playing near me in high spirits. She was so pleased with the +noise of the mail-horn, she has been continually imitating it.----Adieu! + + * * * * * + +LETTER XLIII. + +Thursday. + +A LADY has just sent to offer to take me to ------. I have then only a +moment to exclaim against the vague manner in which people give +information -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- + +But why talk of inconveniences, which are in fact trifling, when compared +with the sinking of the heart I have felt! I did not intend to touch this +painful string--God bless you! + +Yours truly, + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XLIV. + +Friday, June 12. + +I HAVE just received yours dated the 9th, which I suppose was a mistake, +for it could scarcely have loitered so long on the road. The general +observations which apply to the state of your own mind, appear to me +just, as far as they go; and I shall always consider it as one of the +most serious misfortunes of my life, that I did not meet you, before +satiety had rendered your senses so fastidious, as almost to close up +every tender avenue of sentiment and affection that leads to your +sympathetic heart. You have a heart, my friend, yet, hurried away by the +impetuosity of inferior feelings, you have sought in vulgar excesses, +for that gratification which only the heart can bestow. + +The common run of men, I know, with strong health and gross appetites, +must have variety to banish _ennui_, because the imagination never lends +its magic wand, to convert appetite into love, cemented by according +reason.--Ah! my friend, you know not the ineffable delight, the exquisite +pleasure, which arises from a unison of affection and desire, when the +whole soul and senses are abandoned to a lively imagination, that renders +every emotion delicate and rapturous. Yes; these are emotions, over which +satiety has no power, and the recollection of which, even disappointment +cannot disenchant; but they do not exist without self-denial. These +emotions, more or less strong, appear to me to be the distinctive +characteristic of genius, the foundation of taste, and of that exquisite +relish for the beauties of nature, of which the common herd of eaters and +drinkers and _child-begeters_, certainly have no idea. You will smile at +an observation that has just occurred to me:--I consider those minds as +the most strong and original, whose imagination acts as the stimulus to +their senses. + +Well! you will ask, what is the result of all this reasoning? Why I +cannot help thinking that it is possible for you, having great strength +of mind, to return to nature, and regain a sanity of constitution, and +purity of feeling--which would open your heart to me.--I would fain rest +there! + +Yet, convinced more than ever of the sincerity and tenderness of my +attachment to you, the involuntary hopes, which a determination to live +has revived, are not sufficiently strong to dissipate the cloud, that +despair has spread over futurity. I have looked at the sea, and at my +child, hardly daring to own to myself the secret wish, that it might +become our tomb; and that the heart, still so alive to anguish, might +there be quieted by death. At this moment ten thousand complicated +sentiments press for utterance, weigh on my heart, and obscure my sight. + +Are we ever to meet again? and will you endeavour to render that meeting +happier than the last? Will you endeavour to restrain your caprices, in +order to give vigour to affection, and to give play to the checked +sentiments that nature intended should expand your heart? I cannot +indeed, without agony, think of your bosom's being continually +contaminated; and bitter are the tears which exhaust my eyes, when I +recollect why my child and I are forced to stray from the asylum, in +which, after so many storms, I had hoped to rest, smiling at angry +fate.--These are not common sorrows; nor can you perhaps conceive, how +much active fortitude it requires to labour perpetually to blunt the +shafts of disappointment. + +Examine now yourself, and ascertain whether you can live in +something-like a settled stile. Let our confidence in future be +unbounded; consider whether you find it necessary to sacrifice me to what +you term "the zest of life;" and, when you have once a clear view of your +own motives, of your own incentive to action, do not deceive me! + +The train of thoughts which the writing of this epistle awoke, makes me +so wretched, that I must take a walk, to rouse and calm my mind. But +first, let me tell you, that, if you really wish to promote my happiness, +you will endeavour to give me as much as you can of yourself. You have +great mental energy; and your judgment seems to me so just, that it is +only the dupe of your inclination in discussing one subject. + +The post does not go out to-day. To-morrow I may write more tranquilly. I +cannot yet say when the vessel will sail in which I have determined to +depart. + + * * * * * + +Saturday Morning. + +Your second letter reached me about an hour ago. You were certainly +wrong, in supposing that I did not mention you with respect; though, +without my being conscious of it, some sparks of resentment may have +animated the gloom of despair--Yes; with less affection, I should have +been more respectful. However the regard which I have for you, is so +unequivocal to myself, I imagine that it must be sufficiently obvious to +every body else. Besides, the only letter I intended for the public eye +was to ----, and that I destroyed from delicacy before you saw them, +because it was only written (of course warmly in your praise) to prevent +any odium being thrown on you[133-A]. + +I am harrassed by your embarrassments, and shall certainly use all my +efforts, to make the business terminate to your satisfaction in which I +am engaged. + +My friend--my dearest friend--I feel my fate united to yours by the most +sacred principles of my soul, and the yearns of--yes, I will say it--a +true, unsophisticated heart. + +Yours most truly + +* * * * + +If the wind be fair, the captain talks of sailing on Monday; but I am +afraid I shall be detained some days longer. At any rate, continue to +write, (I want this support) till you are sure I am where I cannot expect +a letter; and, if any should arrive after my departure, a gentleman (not +Mr. ----'s friend, I promise you) from whom I have received great +civilities, will send them after me. + +Do write by every occasion! I am anxious to hear how your affairs go on; +and, still more, to be convinced that you are not separating yourself +from us. For my little darling is calling papa, and adding her parrot +word--Come, Come! And will you not come, and let us exert ourselves?--I +shall recover all my energy, when I am convinced that my exertions will +draw us more closely together. One more adieu! + + * * * * * + +LETTER XLV. + +Sunday, June 14. + +I RATHER expected to hear from you to-day--I wish you would not fail to +write to me for a little time, because I am not quite well--Whether I +have any good sleep or not, I wake in the morning in violent fits of +trembling--and, in spite of all my efforts, the child--every +thing--fatigues me, in which I seek for solace or amusement. + +Mr. ---- forced on me a letter to a physician of this place; it was +fortunate, for I should otherwise have had some difficulty to obtain the +necessary information. His wife is a pretty woman (I can admire, you +know, a pretty woman, when I am alone) and he an intelligent and rather +interesting man.--They have behaved to me with great hospitality; and +poor ------ was never so happy in her life, as amongst their young brood. + +They took me in their carriage to ------, and I ran over my favourite +walks, with a vivacity that would have astonished you.--The town did not +please me quite so well as formerly--It appeared so diminutive; and, when +I found that many of the inhabitants had lived in the same houses ever +since I left it, I could not help wondering how they could thus have +vegetated, whilst I was running over a world of sorrow, snatching at +pleasure, and throwing off prejudices. The place where I at present am, +is much improved; but it is astonishing what strides aristocracy and +fanaticism have made, since I resided in this country. + +The wind does not appear inclined to change, so I am still forced to +linger--When do you think that you shall be able to set out for France? I +do not entirely like the aspect of your affairs, and still less your +connections on either side of the water. Often do I sigh, when I think of +your entanglements in business, and your extreme restlessness of +mind.--Even now I am almost afraid to ask you, whether the pleasure of +being free, does not over-balance the pain you felt at parting with me? +Sometimes I indulge the hope that you will feel me necessary to you--or +why should we meet again?--but, the moment after, despair damps my rising +spirits, aggravated by the emotions of tenderness, which ought to soften +the cares of life.----God bless you! + +Yours sincerely and affectionately + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XLVI. + +June 15. + +I WANT to know how you have settled with respect to ------. In short, be +very particular in your account of all your affairs--let our confidence, +my dear, be unbounded.--The last time we were separated, was a separation +indeed on your part--Now you have acted more ingenuously, let the most +affectionate interchange of sentiments fill up the aching void of +disappointment. I almost dread that your plans will prove abortive--yet +should the most unlucky turn send you home to us, convinced that a true +friend is a treasure, I should not much mind having to struggle with the +world again. Accuse me not of pride--yet sometimes, when nature has +opened my heart to its author, I have wondered that you did not set a +higher value on my heart. + +Receive a kiss from ------, I was going to add, if you will not take one +from me, and believe me yours + +Sincerely + +* * * * + +The wind still continues in the same quarter. + + * * * * * + +LETTER XLVII. + +Tuesday Morning. + +THE captain has just sent to inform me, that I must be on board in the +course of a few hours.--I wished to have stayed till to-morrow. It would +have been a comfort to me to have received another letter from +you--Should one arrive, it will be sent after me. + +My spirits are agitated, I scarcely know why----The quitting England +seems to be a fresh parting.--Surely you will not forget me.--A thousand +weak forebodings assault my soul, and the state of my health renders me +sensible to every thing. It is surprising that in London, in a continual +conflict of mind, I was still growing better--whilst here, bowed down by +the despotic hand of fate, forced into resignation by despair, I seem to +be fading away--perishing beneath a cruel blight, that withers up all my +faculties. + +The child is perfectly well. My hand seems unwilling to add adieu! I know +not why this inexpressible sadness has taken possession of me.--It is not +a presentiment of ill. Yet, having been so perpetually the sport of +disappointment,--having a heart that has been as it were a mark for +misery, I dread to meet wretchedness in some new shape.--Well, let it +come--I care not!--what have I to dread, who have so little to hope for! +God bless you--I am most affectionately and sincerely yours + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XLVIII. + +Wednesday Morning. + +I WAS hurried on board yesterday about three o'clock, the wind having +changed. But before evening it veered round to the old point; and here we +are, in the midst of mists and water, only taking advantage of the tide +to advance a few miles. + +You will scarcely suppose that I left the town with reluctance--yet it +was even so--for I wished to receive another letter from you, and I felt +pain at parting, for ever perhaps, from the amiable family, who had +treated me with so much hospitality and kindness. They will probably send +me your letter, if it arrives this morning; for here we are likely to +remain, I am afraid to think how long. + +The vessel is very commodious, and the captain a civil, open-hearted kind +of man. There being no other passengers, I have the cabin to myself, +which is pleasant; and I have brought a few books with me to beguile +weariness; but I seem inclined, rather to employ the dead moments of +suspence in writing some effusions, than in reading. + +What are you about? How are your affairs going on? It may be a long time +before you answer these questions. My dear friend, my heart sinks within +me!--Why am I forced thus to struggle continually with my affections and +feelings?--Ah! why are those affections and feelings the source of so +much misery, when they seem to have been given to vivify my heart, and +extend my usefulness! But I must not dwell on this subject.--Will you not +endeavour to cherish all the affection you can for me? What am I +saying?--Rather forget me, if you can--if other gratifications are dearer +to you.--How is every remembrance of mine embittered by disappointment? +What a world is this!--They only seem happy, who never look beyond +sensual or artificial enjoyments.--Adieu! + +------ begins to play with the cabin-boy, and is as gay as a lark.--I +will labour to be tranquil; and am in every mood, + +Yours sincerely + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XLIX. + +Thursday. + +HERE I am still--and I have just received your letter of Monday by the +pilot, who promised to bring it to me, if we were detained, as he +expected, by the wind.--It is indeed wearisome to be thus tossed about +without going forward.--I have a violent head-ache--yet I am obliged to +take care of the child, who is a little tormented by her teeth, because +------ is unable to do any thing, she is rendered so sick by the motion +of the ship, as we ride at anchor. + +These are however trifling inconveniences, compared with anguish of +mind--compared with the sinking of a broken heart.--To tell you the +truth, I never suffered in my life so much from depression of +spirits--from despair.--I do not sleep--or, if I close my eyes, it is to +have the most terrifying dreams, in which I often meet you with different +casts of countenance. + +I will not, my dear ------, torment you by dwelling on my sufferings--and +will use all my efforts to calm my mind, instead of deadening it--at +present it is most painfully active. I find I am not equal to these +continual struggles--yet your letter this morning has afforded me some +comfort--and I will try to revive hope. One thing let me tell you--when +we meet again--surely we are to meet!--it must be to part no more. I mean +not to have seas between us--it is more than I can support. + +The pilot is hurrying me--God bless you. + +In spite of the commodiousness of the vessel, every thing here would +disgust my senses, had I nothing else to think of--"When the mind's free, +the body's delicate;"--mine has been too much hurt to regard trifles. + +Yours most truly + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER L. + +Saturday. + +THIS is the fifth dreary day I have been imprisoned by the wind, with +every outward object to disgust the senses, and unable to banish the +remembrances that sadden my heart. + +How am I altered by disappointment!--When going to ----, ten years ago, +the elasticity of my mind was sufficient to ward off weariness--and the +imagination still could dip her brush in the rainbow of fancy, and sketch +futurity in smiling colours. Now I am going towards the North in search +of sunbeams!--Will any ever warm this desolated heart? All nature seems +to frown--or rather mourn with me.--Every thing is cold--cold as my +expectations! Before I left the shore, tormented, as I now am, by these +North east _chillers_, I could not help exclaiming--Give me, gracious +Heaven! at least, genial weather, if I am never to meet the genial +affection that still warms this agitated bosom--compelling life to linger +there. + +I am now going on shore with the captain, though the weather be rough, +to seek for milk, &c. at a little village, and to take a walk--after +which I hope to sleep--for, confined here, surrounded by disagreeable +smells, I have lost the little appetite I had; and I lie awake, till +thinking almost drives me to the brink of madness--only to the brink, for +I never forget, even in the feverish slumbers I sometimes fall into, the +misery I am labouring to blunt the the sense of, by every exertion in my +power. + +Poor ------ still continues sick, and ------ grows weary when the weather +will not allow her to remain on deck. + +I hope this will be the last letter I shall write from England to +you--are you not tired of this lingering adieu? + +Yours truly + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER LI. + +Sunday Morning. + +THE captain last night, after I had written my letter to you intended to +be left at a little village, offered to go to ---- to pass to-day. We had +a troublesome sail--and now I must hurry on board again, for the wind has +changed. + +I half expected to find a letter from you here. Had you written one +haphazard, it would have been kind and considerate--you might have known, +had you thought, that the wind would not permit me to depart. These are +attentions, more grateful to the heart than offers of service--But why +do I foolishly continue to look for them? + +Adieu! adieu! My friend--your friendship is very cold--you see I am +hurt.--God bless you! I may perhaps be, some time or other, independent +in every sense of the word--Ah! there is but one sense of it of +consequence. I will break or bend this weak heart--yet even now it is +full. + +Yours sincerely + +* * * * + +The child is well; I did not leave her on board. + + * * * * * + +LETTER LII. + +June 27, Saturday. + +I ARRIVED in ------ this afternoon, after vainly attempting to land at +----. I have now but a moment, before the post goes out, to inform you we +have got here; though not without considerable difficulty, for we were +set ashore in a boat above twenty miles below. + +What I suffered in the vessel I will not now descant upon--nor mention +the pleasure I received from the sight of the rocky coast.--This morning +however, walking to join the carriage that was to transport us to this +place, I fell, without any previous warning, senseless on the rocks--and +how I escaped with life I can scarcely guess. I was in a stupour for a +quarter of an hour; the suffusion of blood at last restored me to my +senses--the contusion is great, and my brain confused. The child is well. + +Twenty miles ride in the rain, after my accident, has sufficiently +deranged me--and here I could not get a fire to warm me, or any thing +warm to eat; the inns are mere stables--I must nevertheless go to bed. +For God's sake, let me hear from you immediately, my friend! I am not +well and yet you see I cannot die. + +Yours sincerely + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER LIII. + +June 29. + +I WROTE to you by the last post, to inform you of my arrival; and I +believe I alluded to the extreme fatigue I endured on ship-board, owing +to ------'s illness, and the roughness of the weather--I likewise +mentioned to you my fall, the effects of which I still feel, though I do +not think it will have any serious consequences. + +------ will go with me, if I find it necessary to go to ------. The inns +here are so bad, I was forced to accept of an apartment in his house. I +am overwhelmed with civilities on all sides, and fatigued with the +endeavours to amuse me, from which I cannot escape. + +My friend--my friend, I am not well--a deadly weight of sorrow lies +heavily on my heart. I am again tossed on the troubled billows of life; +and obliged to cope with difficulties, without being buoyed up by the +hopes that alone render them bearable. "How flat, dull, and +unprofitable," appears to me all the bustle into which I see people here +so eagerly enter! I long every night to go to bed, to hide my melancholy +face in my pillow; but there is a canker-worm in my bosom that never +sleeps. + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER LIV. + +July 1. + +I LABOUR in vain to calm my mind--my soul has been overwhelmed by sorrow +and disappointment. Every thing fatigues me--this is a life that cannot +last long. It is you who must determine with respect to futurity--and, +when you have, I will act accordingly--I mean, we must either resolve to +live together, or part for ever, I cannot bear these continual +struggles--But I wish you to examine carefully your own heart and mind; +and, if you perceive the least chance of being happier without me than +with me, or if your inclination leans capriciously to that side, do not +dissemble; but tell me frankly that you will never see me more. I will +then adopt the plan I mentioned to you--for we must either live together, +or I will be entirely independent. + +My heart is so oppressed, I cannot write with precision--You know however +that what I so imperfectly express, are not the crude sentiments of the +moment--You can only contribute to my comfort (it is the consolation I am +in need of) by being with me--and, if the tenderest friendship is of any +value, why will you not look to me for a degree of satisfaction that +heartless affections cannot bestow? + +Tell me then, will you determine to meet me at Basle?--I shall, I should +imagine, be at ------ before the close of August; and, after you settle +your affairs at Paris, could we not meet there? + +God bless you! + +Yours truly + +* * * * + +Poor ------ has suffered during the journey with her teeth. + + * * * * * + +LETTER LV. + +July 3. + +THERE was a gloominess diffused through your last letter, the impression +of which still rests on my mind--though, recollecting how quickly you +throw off the forcible feelings of the moment, I flatter myself it has +long since given place to your usual cheerfulness. + +Believe me (and my eyes fill with tears of tenderness as I assure you) +there is nothing I would not endure in the way of privation, rather than +disturb your tranquillity.--If I am fated to be unhappy, I will labour to +hide my sorrows in my own bosom; and you shall always find me a faithful, +affectionate friend. + +I grow more and more attached to my little girl--and I cherish this +affection without fear, because it must be a long time before it can +become bitterness of soul.--She is an interesting creature.--On +ship-board, how often as I gazed at the sea, have I longed to bury my +troubled bosom in the less troubled deep; asserting with Brutus, "that +the virtue I had followed too far, was merely an empty name!" and +nothing but the sight of her--her playful smiles, which seemed to cling +and twine round my heart--could have stopped me. + +What peculiar misery has fallen to my share! To act up to my principles, +I have laid the strictest restraint on my very thoughts--yes; not to +sully the delicacy of my feelings, I have reined in my imagination; and +started with affright from every sensation, (I allude to ----) that +stealing with balmy sweetness into my soul, led me to scent from afar the +fragrance of reviving nature. + +My friend, I have dearly paid for one conviction.--Love, in some minds, +is an affair of sentiment, arising from the same delicacy of perception +(or taste) as renders them alive to the beauties of nature, poetry, &c, +alive to the charms of those evanescent graces that are, as it were, +impalpable--they must be felt, they cannot be described. + +Love is a want of my heart. I have examined myself lately with more care +than formerly, and find, that to deaden is not to calm the mind--Aiming +at tranquillity, I have almost destroyed all the energy of my +soul--almost rooted out what renders it estimable--Yes, I have damped +that enthusiasm of character, which converts the grossest materials into +a fuel, that imperceptibly feeds hopes, which aspire above common +enjoyment. Despair, since the birth of my child, has rendered me +stupid--soul and body seemed to be fading away before the withering touch +of disappointment. + +I am now endeavouring to recover myself--and such is the elasticity of my +constitution, and the purity of the atmosphere here, that health unsought +for, begins to reanimate my countenance. + +I have the sincerest esteem and affection for you--but the desire of +regaining peace, (do you understand me?) has made me forget the respect +due to my own emotions--sacred emotions, that are the sure harbingers of +the delights I was formed to enjoy--and shall enjoy, for nothing can +extinguish the heavenly spark. + +Still, when we meet again, I will not torment you, I promise you. I blush +when I recollect my former conduct--and will not in future confound +myself with the beings whom I feel to be my inferiors.--I will listen to +delicacy, or pride. + + * * * * * + +LETTER LVI. + +July 4. + +I HOPE to hear from you by to-morrow's mail. My dearest friend! I cannot +tear my affections from you--and, though every remembrance stings me to +the soul, I think of you, till I make allowance for the very defects of +character, that have given such a cruel stab to my peace. + +Still however I am more alive, than you have seen me for a long, long +time. I have a degree of vivacity, even in my grief, which is preferable +to the benumbing stupour that, for the last year, has frozen up all my +faculties.--Perhaps this change is more owing to returning health, than +to the vigour of my reason--for, in spite of sadness (and surely I have +had my share), the purity of this air, and the being continually out in +it, for I sleep in the country every night, has made an alteration in my +appearance that really surprises me.--The rosy fingers of health already +streak my cheeks--and I have seen a _physical_ life in my eyes, after I +have been climbing the rocks, that resembled the fond, credulous hopes of +youth. + +With what a cruel sigh have I recollected that I had forgotten to +hope!--Reason, or rather experience, does not thus cruelly damp poor +------'s pleasures; she plays all day in the garden with ------'s +children, and makes friends for herself. + +Do not tell me, that you are happier without us--Will you not come to us +in Switzerland? Ah, why do not you love us with more sentiment?--why are +you a creature of such sympathy, that the warmth of your feelings, or +rather quickness of your senses, hardens your heart? It is my misfortune, +that my imagination is perpetually shading your defects, and lending you +charms, whilst the grossness of your senses makes you (call me not vain) +overlook graces in me, that only dignity of mind, and the sensibility of +an expanded heart can give.--God bless you! Adieu. + + * * * * * + +LETTER LVII. + +July 7. + +I COULD not help feeling extremely mortified last post, at not receiving +a letter from you. My being at ------was but a chance, and you might have +hazarded it; and would a year ago. + +I shall not however complain--There are misfortunes so great, as to +silence the usual expressions of sorrow--Believe me, there is such a +thing as a broken heart! There are characters whose very energy preys +upon them; and who, ever inclined to cherish by reflection some passion, +cannot rest satisfied with the common comforts of life. I have +endeavoured to fly from myself, and launched into all the dissipation +possible here, only to feel keener anguish, when alone with my child. + +Still, could any thing please me--had not disappointment cut me off from +life, this romantic country, these fine evenings, would interest me.--My +God! can any thing? and am I ever to feel alive only to painful +sensations?--But it cannot--it shall not last long. + +The post is again arrived; I have sent to seek for letters, only to be +wounded to the soul by a negative.--My brain seems on fire, I must go +into the air. + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER LVIII. + +July 14. + +I AM now on my journey to ------. I felt more at leaving my child, than I +thought I should--and, whilst at night I imagined every instant that I +heard the half-formed sounds of her voice,--I asked myself how I could +think of parting with her for ever, of leaving her thus helpless? + +Poor lamb! It may run very well in a tale, that "God will temper the +winds to the shorn lamb!" but how can I expect that she will be shielded, +when my naked bosom has had to brave continually the pitiless storm? +Yes; I could add, with poor Lear--What is the war of elements to the +pangs of disappointed affection, and the horror arising from a discovery +of a breach of confidence, that snaps every social tie! + +All is not right somewhere!--When you first knew me, I was not thus lost. +I could still confide--for I opened my heart to you--of this only comfort +you have deprived me, whilst my happiness, you tell me, was your first +object. Strange want of judgment! + +I will not complain; but, from the soundness of your understanding, I am +convinced, if you give yourself leave to reflect, you will also feel, +that your conduct to me, so far from being generous, has not been +just.--I mean not to allude to factitious principles of morality; but to +the simple basis of all rectitude.--However I did not intend to +argue--Your not writing is cruel--and my reason is perhaps disturbed by +constant wretchedness. + +Poor ------ would fain have accompanied me, out of tenderness; for my +fainting, or rather convulsion, when I landed, and my sudden changes of +countenance since, have alarmed her so much, that she is perpetually +afraid of some accident--But it would have injured the child this warm +season, as she is cutting her teeth. + +I hear not of your having written to me at ----. Very well! Act as you +please--there is nothing I fear or care for! When I see whether I can, or +cannot obtain the money I am come here about, I will not trouble you with +letters to which you do not reply. + + * * * * * + +LETTER LIX. + +July 18. + +I AM here in ----, separated from my child--and here I must remain a +month at least, or I might as well never have come. -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- + +I have begun -------- which will, I hope, discharge all my obligations of +a pecuniary kind.--I am lowered in my own eyes, on account of my not +having done it sooner. + +I shall make no further comments on your silence. God bless you! + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER LX. + +July 30. + +I HAVE just received two of your letters, dated the 26th and 30th of +June; and you must have received several from me, informing you of my +detention, and how much I was hurt by your silence. + +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- + +Write to me then, my friend, and write explicitly. I have suffered, God +knows, since I left you. Ah! you have never felt this kind of sickness of +heart!--My mind however is at present painfully active, and the sympathy +I feel almost rises to agony. But this is not a subject of complaint, it +has afforded me pleasure,--and reflected pleasure is all I have to hope +for--if a spark of hope be yet alive in my forlorn bosom. + +I will try to write with a degree of composure. I wish for us to live +together, because I want you to acquire an habitual tenderness for my +poor girl. I cannot bear to think of leaving her alone in the world, or +that she should only be protected by your sense of duty. Next to +preserving her, my most earnest wish is not to disturb your peace. I have +nothing to expect, and little to fear, in life--There are wounds that can +never be healed--but they may be allowed to fester in silence without +wincing. + +When we meet again, you shall be convinced that I have more resolution +than you give me credit for. I will not torment you. If I am destined +always to be disappointed and unhappy, I will conceal the anguish I +cannot dissipate; and the tightened cord of life or reason will at last +snap, and set me free. + +Yes; I shall be happy--This heart is worthy of the bliss its feelings +anticipate--and I cannot even persuade myself, wretched as they have made +me, that my principles and sentiments are not founded in nature and +truth. But to have done with these subjects. + +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- + +I have been seriously employed in this way since I came to ----; yet I +never was so much in the air.--I walk, I ride on horseback--row, bathe, +and even sleep in the fields; my health is consequently improved. The +child, ------informs me, is well. I long to be with her. + +Write to me immediately--were I only to think of myself, I could wish you +to return to me, poor, with the simplicity of character, part of which +you seem lately to have lost, that first attached to you. + +Yours most affectionately + +* * * * * * * * * + +I have been subscribing other letters--so I mechanically did the same to +yours. + + * * * * * + +LETTER LXI. + +August 5. + +EMPLOYMENT and exercise have been of great service to me; and I have +entirely recovered the strength and activity I lost during the time of my +nursing. I have seldom been in better health; and my mind, though +trembling to the touch of anguish, is calmer--yet still the same.--I +have, it is true, enjoyed some tranquillity, and more happiness here, +than for a long--long time past.--(I say happiness, for I can give no +other appellation to the exquisite delight this wild country and fine +summer have afforded me.)--Still, on examining my heart, I find that it +is so constituted, I cannot live without some particular affection--I am +afraid not without a passion--and I feel the want of it more in society, +than in solitude-- +-- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- + +Writing to you, whenever an affectionate epithet occurs--my eyes fill +with tears, and my trembling hand stops--you may then depend on my +resolution, when with you. If I am doomed to be unhappy, I will confine +my anguish in my own bosom--tenderness, rather than passion, has made me +sometimes overlook delicacy--the same tenderness will in future restrain +me. God bless you! + + * * * * * + +LETTER LXII. + +August 7. + +AIR, exercise, and bathing, have restored me to health, braced my +muscles, and covered my ribs, even whilst I have recovered my former +activity.--I cannot tell you that my mind is calm, though I have snatched +some moments of exquisite delight, wandering through the woods, and +resting on the rocks. + +This state of suspense, my friend, is intolerable; we must determine on +something--and soon;--we must meet shortly, or part for ever. I am +sensible that I acted foolishly--but I was wretched--when we were +together--Expecting too much, I let the pleasure I might have caught, +slip from me. I cannot live with you--I ought not--if you form another +attachment. But I promise you, mine shall not be intruded on you. Little +reason have I to expect a shadow of happiness, after the cruel +disappointments that have rent my heart; but that of my child seems to +depend on our being together. Still I do not wish you to sacrifice a +chance of enjoyment for an uncertain good. I feel a conviction, that I +can provide for her, and it shall be my object--if we are indeed to part +to meet no more. Her affection must not be divided. She must be a comfort +to me--if I am to have no other--and only know me as her support.--I feel +that I cannot endure the anguish of corresponding with you--if we are +only to correspond.--No; if you seek for happiness elsewhere, my letters +shall not interrupt your repose. I will be dead to you. I cannot express +to you what pain it gives me to write about an eternal separation.--You +must determine--examine yourself--But, for God's sake! spare me the +anxiety of uncertainty!--I may sink under the trial; but I will not +complain. + +Adieu! If I had any thing more to say to you, it is all flown, and +absorbed by the most tormenting apprehensions, yet I scarcely know what +new form of misery I have to dread. + +I ought to beg your pardon for having sometimes written peevishly; but +you will impute it to affection, if you understand any thing of the heart +of + +Yours truly + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER LXIII. + +August 9. + +FIVE of your letters have been sent after me from ----. One, dated the +14th of July, was written in a style which I may have merited, but did +not expect from you. However this is not a time to reply to it, except to +assure you that you shall not be tormented with any more complaints. I am +disgusted with myself for having so long importuned you with my +affection.---- + +My child is very well. We shall soon meet, to part no more, I hope--I +mean, I and my girl.--I shall wait with some degree of anxiety till I am +informed how your affairs terminate. + +Yours sincerely + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER LXIV. + +August 26. + +I ARRIVED here last night, and with the most exquisite delight, once more +pressed my babe to my heart. We shall part no more. You perhaps cannot +conceive the pleasure it gave me, to see her run about, and play alone. +Her increasing intelligence attaches me more and more to her. I have +promised her that I will fulfil my duty to her; and nothing in future +shall make me forget it. I will also exert myself to obtain an +independence for her; but I will not be too anxious on this head. + +I have already told you, that I have recovered my health. Vigour, and +even vivacity of mind, have returned with a renovated constitution. As +for peace, we will not talk of it. I was not made, perhaps, to enjoy the +calm contentment so termed.-- +-- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- + +You tell me that my letters torture you; I will not describe the effect +yours have on me. I received three this morning, the last dated the 7th +of this month. I mean not to give vent to the emotions they +produced.--Certainly you are right; our minds are not congenial. I have +lived in an ideal world, and fostered sentiments that you do not +comprehend--or you would not treat me thus. I am not, I will not be, +merely an object of compassion--a clog, however light, to teize you. +Forget that I exist: I will never remind you. Something emphatical +whispers me to put an end to these struggles. Be free--I will not +torment, when I cannot please. I can take care of my child; you need not +continually tell me that our fortune is inseparable, _that you will try +to cherish tenderness_ for me. Do no violence to yourself! When we are +separated, our interest, since you give so much weight to pecuniary +considerations, will be entirely divided. I want not protection without +affection; and support I need not, whilst my faculties are undisturbed. +I had a dislike to living in England; but painful feelings must give way +to superior considerations. I may not be able to acquire the sum +necessary to maintain my child and self elsewhere. It is too late to go +to Switzerland. I shall not remain at ----, living expensively. But be +not alarmed! I shall not force myself on you any more. + +Adieu! I am agitated--my whole frame is convulsed--my lips tremble, as if +shook by cold, though fire seems to be circulating in my veins. + +God bless you. + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER LXV. + +September 6. + +I RECEIVED just now your letter of the 20th. I had written you a letter +last night, into which imperceptibly slipt some of my bitterness of soul. +I will copy the part relative to business. I am not sufficiently vain to +imagine that I can, for more than a moment, cloud your enjoyment of +life--to prevent even that, you had better never hear from me--and repose +on the idea that I am happy. + +Gracious God! It is impossible for me to stifle something like +resentment, when I receive fresh proofs of your indifference. What I +have suffered this last year, is not to be forgotten! I have not that +happy substitute for wisdom, insensibility--and the lively sympathies +which bind me to my fellow-creatures, are all of a painful kind.--They +are the agonies of a broken heart--pleasure and I have shaken hands. + +I see here nothing but heaps of ruins, and only converse with people +immersed in trade and sensuality. + +I am weary of travelling--yet seem to have no home--no resting place to +look to.--I am strangely cast off.--How often, passing through the rocks, +I have thought, "But for this child, I would lay my head on one of them, +and never open my eyes again!" With a heart feelingly alive to all the +affections of my nature--I have never met with one, softer than the stone +that I would fain take for my last pillow. I once thought I had, but it +was all a delusion. I meet with families continually, who are bound +together by affection or principle--and, when I am conscious that I have +fulfilled the duties of my station, almost to a forgetfulness of myself, +I am ready to demand, in a murmuring tone, of Heaven, "Why am I thus +abandoned?" + +You say now -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- + +I do not understand you. It is necessary for you to write more +explicitly--and determine on some mode of conduct.--I cannot endure this +suspense--Decide--Do you fear to strike another blow? We live together, +or eternally part!--I shall not write to you again, till I receive an +answer to this. I must compose my tortured soul, before I write on +indifferent subjects. -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- + +I do not know whether I write intelligibly, for my head is +disturbed.--But this you ought to pardon--for it is with difficulty +frequently that I make out what you mean to say--You write, I suppose, at +Mr. ----'s after dinner, when your head is not the clearest--and as for +your heart, if you have one, I see nothing like the dictates of +affection, unless a glimpse when you mention, the child.--Adieu! + + * * * * * + +LETTER LXVI. + +September 25. + +I HAVE just finished a letter, to be given in charge to captain ------. +In that I complained of your silence, and expressed my surprise that +three mails should have arrived without bringing a line for me. Since I +closed it, I hear of another, and still no letter.--I am labouring to +write calmly--this silence is a refinement on cruelty. Had captain ------ +remained a few days longer, I would have returned with him to England. +What have I to do here? I have repeatedly written to you fully. Do you +do the same--and quickly. Do not leave me in suspense. I have not +deserved this of you. I cannot write, my mind is so distressed. Adieu! + +* * * * + + +END VOL. III. + +FOOTNOTES: + +[4-A] The child is in a subsequent letter called the "barrier girl," +probably from a supposition that she owed her existence to this +interview. + +EDITOR. + +[7-A] This and the thirteen following letters appear to have been written +during a separation of several months; the date, Paris. + +[27-A] Some further letters, written during the remainder of the week, in +a similar strain to the preceding, appear to have been destroyed by the +person to whom they were addressed. + +[47-A] The child spoken of in some preceding letters, had now been born a +considerable time. + +[50-A] She means, "the latter more than the former." + +EDITOR. + +[58-A] This is the first of a series of letters written during a +separation of many months, to which no cordial meeting ever succeeded. +They were sent from Paris, and bear the address of London. + +[91-A] The person to whom the letters are addressed, was about this time +at Ramsgate, on his return, as he professed, to Paris, when he was +recalled, as it should seem, to London, by the further pressure of +business now accumulated upon him. + +[100-A] This probably alludes to some expression of the person to whom +the letters are addressed, in which he treated as common evils, things +upon which the letter writer was disposed to bestow a different +appellation. + +EDITOR. + +[133-A] This passage refers to letters written under a purpose of +suicide, and not intended to be opened till after the catastrophe. + + + + +POSTHUMOUS WORKS + +OF THE + +AUTHOR + +OF A + +VINDICATION OF THE RIGHTS OF WOMAN. + +IN FOUR VOLUMES. + + * * * * * + +VOL. IV. + + * * * * * + +_LONDON:_ + +PRINTED FOR J. JOHNSON, NO. 72, ST. PAUL'S + CHURCH-YARD; AND G. G. AND J. ROBINSON, + PATERNOSTER-ROW. + 1798. + + + +LETTERS + +AND + +MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. + +IN TWO VOLUMES. + + * * * * * + +VOL. II. + + + + +CONTENTS. + + + Page +Letters 1 +Letter on the Present Character of the French Nation 39 +Fragment of Letters on the Management of Infants 55 +Letters to Mr. Johnson 61 +Extract of the Cave of Fancy, a Tale 99 +On Poetry and our Relish for the Beauties of Nature 159 +Hints 179 + + + + +ERRATA. + + +Page 10, line 8, _for_ I write you, _read_ I write to you. +---- 20, -- 9, _read_ bring them to ----. +---- 146, -- 2 from the bottom, after over, insert a comma. + + + + +LETTERS. + + + * * * * * + +LETTER LXVII. + +September 27. + +WHEN you receive this, I shall either have landed, or be hovering on the +British coast--your letter of the 18th decided me. + +By what criterion of principle or affection, you term my questions +extraordinary and unnecessary, I cannot determine.--You desire me to +decide--I had decided. You must have had long ago two letters of mine, +from ------, to the same purport, to consider.--In these, God knows! +there was but too much affection, and the agonies of a distracted mind +were but too faithfully pourtrayed!--What more then had I to say?--The +negative was to come from you.--You had perpetually recurred to your +promise of meeting me in the autumn--Was it extraordinary that I should +demand a yes, or no?--Your letter is written with extreme harshness, +coldness I am accustomed to, in it I find not a trace of the tenderness +of humanity, much less of friendship.--I only see a desire to heave a +load off your shoulders. + +I am above disputing about words.--It matters not in what terms you +decide. + +The tremendous power who formed this heart, must have foreseen that, in a +world in which self-interest, in various shapes, is the principal mobile, +I had little chance of escaping misery.--To the fiat of fate I submit.--I +am content to be wretched; but I will not be contemptible.--Of me you +have no cause to complain, but for having had too much regard for +you--for having expected a degree of permanent happiness, when you only +sought for a momentary gratification. + +I am strangely deficient in sagacity.--Uniting myself to you, your +tenderness seemed to make me amends for all my former misfortunes.--On +this tenderness and affection with what confidence did I rest!--but I +leaned on a spear, that has pierced me to the heart.--You have thrown off +a faithful friend, to pursue the caprices of the moment.--We certainly +are differently organized; for even now, when conviction has been stamped +on my soul by sorrow, I can scarcely believe it possible. It depends at +present on you, whether you will see me or not.--I shall take no step, +till I see or hear from you. + +Preparing myself for the worst--I have determined, if your next letter be +like the last, to write to Mr. ------to procure me an obscure lodging, +and not to inform any body of my arrival.--There I will endeavour in a +few months to obtain the sum necessary to take me to France--from you I +will not receive any more.--I am not yet sufficiently humbled to depend +on your beneficence. + +Some people, whom my unhappiness has interested, though they know not +the extent of it, will assist me to attain the object I have in view, the +independence of my child. Should a peace take place, ready money will go +a great way in France--and I will borrow a sum, which my industry _shall_ +enable me to pay at my leisure, to purchase a small estate for my +girl.--The assistance I shall find necessary to complete her education, I +can get at an easy rate at Paris--I can introduce her to such society as +she will like--and thus, securing for her all the chance for happiness, +which depends on me, I shall die in peace, persuaded that the felicity +which has hitherto cheated my expectation, will not always elude my +grasp. No poor tempest-tossed mariner ever more earnestly longed to +arrive at his port. + +* * * * + +I shall not come up in the vessel all the way, because I have no place to +go to. Captain ------ will inform you where I am. It is needless to add, +that I am not in a state of mind to bear suspense--and that I wish to see +you, though it be for the last time. + + * * * * * + +LETTER LXVIII. + +Sunday, October 4. + +I WROTE to you by the packet, to inform you, that your letter of the 18th +of last month, had determined me to set out with captain ------; but, as +we sailed very quick, I take it for granted, that you have not yet +received it. + +You say, I must decide for myself.--I had decided, that it was most for +the interest of my little girl, and for my own comfort, little as I +expect, for us to live together; and I even thought that you would be +glad, some years hence, when the tumult of business was over, to repose +in the society of an affectionate friend, and mark the progress of our +interesting child, whilst endeavouring to be of use in the circle you at +last resolved to rest in; for you cannot run about for ever. + +From the tenour of your last letter however, I am led to imagine, that +you have formed some new attachment.--If it be so, let me earnestly +request you to see me once more, and immediately. This is the only proof +I require of the friendship you profess for me. I will then decide, +since you boggle about a mere form. + +I am labouring to write with calmness--but the extreme anguish I feel, at +landing without having any friend to receive me, and even to be conscious +that the friend whom I most wish to see, will feel a disagreeable +sensation at being informed of my arrival, does not come under the +description of common misery. Every emotion yields to an overwhelming +flood of sorrow--and the playfulness of my child distresses me.--On her +account, I wished to remain a few days here, comfortless as is my +situation.--Besides, I did not wish to surprise you. You have told me, +that you would make any sacrifice to promote my happiness--and, even in +your last unkind letter, you talk of the ties which bind you to me and +my child.--Tell me, that you wish it, and I will cut this Gordian knot. + +I now most earnestly intreat you to write to me, without fail, by the +return of the post. Direct your letter to be left at the post-office, and +tell me whether you will come to me here, or where you will meet me. I +can receive your letter on Wednesday morning. + +Do not keep me in suspense.--I expect nothing from you, or any human +being: my die is cast!--I have fortitude enough to determine to do my +duty; yet I cannot raise my depressed spirits, or calm my trembling +heart.--That being who moulded it thus, knows that I am unable to tear up +by the roots the propensity to affection which has been the torment of my +life--but life will have an end! + +Should you come here (a few months ago I could not have doubted it) you +will find me at ------. If you prefer meeting me on the road, tell me +where. + +Yours affectionately + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER LXIX. + +I WRITE you now on my knees; imploring you to send my child and the maid +with ----, to Paris, to be consigned to the care of Madame ----, rue +----, section de ----. Should they be removed, ---- can give their +direction. + +Let the maid have all my clothes, without distinction. + +Pray pay the cook her wages, and do not mention the confession which I +forced from her--a little sooner or later is of no consequence. Nothing +but my extreme stupidity could have rendered me blind so long. Yet, +whilst you assured me that you had no attachment, I thought we might +still have lived together. + +I shall make no comments on your conduct; or any appeal to the world. Let +my wrongs sleep with me! Soon, very soon shall I be at peace. When you +receive this, my burning head will be cold. + +I would encounter a thousand deaths, rather than a night like the last. +Your treatment has thrown my mind into a state of chaos; yet I am serene. +I go to find comfort, and my only fear is, that my poor body will be +insulted by an endeavour to recal my hated existence. But I shall plunge +into the Thames where there is the least chance of my being snatched from +the death I seek. + +God bless you! May you never know by experience what you have made me +endure. Should your sensibility ever awake, remorse will find its way to +your heart; and, in the midst of business and sensual pleasure, I shall +appear before you, the victim of your deviation from rectitude. + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER LXX. + +Sunday Morning. + +I HAVE only to lament, that, when the bitterness of death was past, I was +inhumanly brought back to life and misery. But a fixed determination is +not to be baffled by disappointment; nor will I allow that to be a +frantic attempt, which was one of the calmest acts of reason. In this +respect, I am only accountable to myself. Did I care for what is termed +reputation, it is by other circumstances that I should be dishonoured. + +You say, "that you know not how to extricate ourselves out of the +wretchedness into which we have been plunged." You are extricated long +since.--But I forbear to comment.----If I am condemned to live longer, it +is a living death. + +It appears to me, that you lay much more stress on delicacy, than on +principle; for I am unable to discover what sentiment of delicacy would +have been violated, by your visiting a wretched friend--if indeed you +have any friendship for me.--But since your new attachment is the only +thing sacred in your eyes, I am silent--Be happy! My complaints shall +never more damp your enjoyment--perhaps I am mistaken in supposing that +even my death could, for more than a moment.--This is what you call +magnanimity--It is happy for yourself, that you possess this quality in +the highest degree. + +Your continually asserting, that you will do all in your power to +contribute to my comfort (when you only allude to pecuniary assistance), +appears to me a flagrant breach of delicacy.--I want not such vulgar +comfort, nor will I accept it. I never wanted but your heart--That gone, +you have nothing more to give. Had I only poverty to fear, I should not +shrink from life.--Forgive me then, if I say, that I shall consider any +direct or indirect attempt to supply my necessities, as an insult which I +have not merited--and as rather done out of tenderness for your own +reputation, than for me. Do not mistake me; I do not think that you value +money (therefore I will not accept what you do not care for) though I do +much less, because certain privations are not painful to me. When I am +dead, respect for yourself will make you take care of the child. + +I write with difficulty--probably I shall never write to you +again.--Adieu! + +God bless you! + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER LXXI. + +Monday Morning. + +I AM compelled at last to say that you treat me ungenerously. I agree +with you, that-- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- + +But let the obliquity now fall on me.--I fear neither poverty nor infamy. +I am unequal to the task of writing--and explanations are not necessary.-- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +My child may have to blush for her mother's want of prudence--and may +lament that the rectitude of my heart made me above vulgar precautions; +but she shall not despise me for meanness.--You are now perfectly +free.--God bless you. + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER LXXIII. + +Saturday Night. + +I HAVE been hurt by indirect enquiries, which appear to me not to be +dictated by any tenderness to me.--You ask "If I am well or +tranquil?"--They who think me so, must want a heart to estimate my +feelings by.--I chuse then to be the organ of my own sentiments. + +I must tell you, that I am very much mortified by your continually +offering me pecuniary assistance--and, considering your going to the new +house, as an open avowal that you abandon me, let me tell you that I +will sooner perish than receive any thing from you--and I say this at the +moment when I am disappointed in my first attempt to obtain a temporary +supply. But this even pleases me; an accumulation of disappointments and +misfortunes seems to suit the habit of my mind.-- + +Have but a little patience, and I will remove myself where it will not be +necessary for you to talk--of course, not to think of me. But let me see, +written by yourself--for I will not receive it through any other +medium--that the affair is finished.--It is an insult to me to suppose, +that I can be reconciled, or recover my spirits; but, if you hear nothing +of me, it will be the same thing to you. + +* * * * + +Even your seeing me, has been to oblige other people, and not to sooth my +distracted mind. + + * * * * * + +LETTER LXXIV. + +Thursday Afternoon. + +MR. ------ having forgot to desire you to send the things of mine which +were left at the house, I have to request you to let ------ bring them +onto ------. + +I shall go this evening to the lodging; so you need not be restrained +from coming here to transact your business.--And, whatever I may think, +and feel--you need not fear that I shall publicly complain--No! If I +have any criterion to judge of right and wrong, I have been most +ungenerously treated: but, wishing now only to hide myself, I shall be +silent as the grave in which I long to forget myself. I shall protect and +provide for my child.--I only mean by this to say, that you having +nothing to fear from my desperation. + +Farewel. + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER LXXV. + +London, November 27. + + +THE letter, without an address, which you put up with the letters you +returned, did not meet my eyes till just now.--I had thrown the letters +aside--I did not wish to look over a register of sorrow. + +My not having seen it, will account for my having written to you with +anger--under the impression your departure, without even a line left for +me, made on me, even after your late conduct, which could not lead me to +expect much attention to my sufferings. + +In fact, "the decided conduct, which appeared to me so unfeeling," has +almost overturned my reason; my mind is injured--I scarcely know where I +am, or what I do.--The grief I cannot conquer (for some cruel +recollections never quit me, banishing almost every other) I labour to +conceal in total solitude.--My life therefore is but an exercise of +fortitude, continually on the stretch--and hope never gleams in this +tomb, where I am buried alive. + +But I meant to reason with you, and not to complain.--You tell me, "that +I shall judge more coolly of your mode of acting, some time hence." But +is it not possible that _passion_ clouds your reason, as much as it does +mine?--and ought you not to doubt, whether those principles are so +"exalted," as you term them, which only lead to your own gratification? +In other words, whether it be just to have no principle of action, but +that of following your inclination, trampling on the affection you have +fostered, and the expectations you have excited? + +My affection for you is rooted in my heart.--I know you are not what you +now seem--nor will you always act, or feel, as you now do, though I may +never be comforted by the change.--Even at Paris, my image will haunt +you.--You will see my pale face--and sometimes the tears of anguish will +drop on your heart, which you have forced from mine. + +I cannot write. I thought I could quickly have refuted all your +_ingenious_ arguments; but my head is confused.--Right or wrong, I am +miserable! + +It seems to me, that my conduct has always been governed by the strictest +principles of justice and truth.--Yet, how wretched have my social +feelings, and delicacy of sentiment rendered me!--I have loved with my +whole soul, only to discover that I had no chance of a return--and that +existence is a burthen without it. + +I do not perfectly understand you.--If, by the offer of your friendship, +you still only mean pecuniary support--I must again reject it.--Trifling +are the ills of poverty in the scale of my misfortunes.--God bless you! + +* * * * + +I have been treated ungenerously--if I understand what is +generosity.----You seem to me only to have been anxious to shake me +off--regardless whether you dashed me to atoms by the fall.--In truth I +have been rudely handled. _Do you judge coolly_, and I trust you will +not continue to call those capricious feelings "the most refined," which +would undermine not only the most sacred principles, but the affections +which unite mankind.----You would render mothers unnatural--and there +would be no such thing as a father!--If your theory of morals is the most +"exalted," it is certainly the most easy.--It does not require much +magnanimity, to determine to please ourselves for the moment, let others +suffer what they will! + +Excuse me for again tormenting you, my heart thirsts for justice from +you--and whilst I recollect that you approved Miss ------'s conduct--I am +convinced you will not always justify your own. + +Beware of the deceptions of passion! It will not always banish from your +mind, that you have acted ignobly--and condescended to subterfuge to +gloss over the conduct you could not excuse.--Do truth and principle +require such sacrifices? + + * * * * * + +LETTER LXXVI. + +London, December 8. + +HAVING just been informed that ------ is to return immediately to Paris, +I would not miss a sure opportunity of writing, because I am not certain +that my last, by Dover has reached you. + +Resentment, and even anger, are momentary emotions with me--and I wished +to tell you so, that if you ever think of me, it may not be in the light +of an enemy. + +That I have not been used _well_ I must ever feel; perhaps, not always +with the keen anguish I do at present--for I began even now to write +calmly, and I cannot restrain my tears. + +I am stunned!--Your late conduct still appears to me a frightful +dream.--Ah! ask yourself if you have not condescended to employ a little +address, I could almost say cunning, unworthy of you?--Principles are +sacred things--and we never play with truth, with impunity. + +The expectation (I have too fondly nourished it) of regaining your +affection, every day grows fainter and fainter.--Indeed, it seems to me, +when I am more sad than usual, that I shall never see you more.--Yet you +will not always forget me.--You will feel something like remorse, for +having lived only for yourself--and sacrificed my peace to inferior +gratifications. In a comfortless old age, you will remember that you had +one disinterested friend, whose heart you wounded to the quick. The hour +of recollection will come--and you will not be satisfied to act the part +of a boy, till you fall into that of a dotard. I know that your mind, +your heart, and your principles of action, are all superior to your +present conduct. You do, you must, respect me--and you will be sorry to +forfeit my esteem. + +You know best whether I am still preserving the remembrance of an +imaginary being.--I once thought that I knew you thoroughly--but now I am +obliged to leave some doubts that involuntarily press on me, to be +cleared up by time. + +You may render me unhappy; but cannot make me contemptible in my own +eyes.--I shall still be able to support my child, though I am +disappointed in some other plans of usefulness, which I once believed +would have afforded you equal pleasure. + +Whilst I was with you, I restrained my natural generosity, because I +thought your property in jeopardy.--When I went to --------, I requested +you, _if you could conveniently_, not to forget my father, sisters, and +some other people, whom I was interested about.--Money was lavished away, +yet not only my requests were neglected, but some trifling debts were not +discharged, that now come on me.--Was this friendship--or generosity? +Will you not grant you have forgotten yourself? Still I have an +affection for you.--God bless you. + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER LXXVII. + +AS the parting from you for ever is the most serious event of my life, I +will once expostulate with you, and call not the language of truth and +feeling ingenuity! + +I know the soundness of your understanding--and know that it is +impossible for you always to confound the caprices of every wayward +inclination with the manly dictates of principle. + +You tell me "that I torment you."--Why do I?----Because you cannot +estrange your heart entirely from me--and you feel that justice is on my +side. You urge, "that your conduct was unequivocal."--It was not.--When +your coolness has hurt me, with what tenderness have you endeavoured to +remove the impression!--and even before I returned to England, you took +great pains to convince me, that all my uneasiness was occasioned by the +effect of a worn-out constitution--and you concluded your letter with +these words, "Business alone has kept me from you.--Come to any port, and +I will fly down to my two dear girls with a heart all their own." + +With these assurances, is it extraordinary that I should believe what I +wished? I might--and did think that you had a struggle with old +propensities; but I still thought that I and virtue should at last +prevail. I still thought that you had a magnanimity of character, which +would enable you to conquer yourself. + +--------, believe me, it is not romance, you have acknowledged to me +feelings of this kind.--You could restore me to life and hope, and the +satisfaction you would feel, would amply repay you. + +In tearing myself from you, it is my own heart I pierce--and the time +will come, when you will lament that you have thrown away a heart, that, +even in the moment of passion, you cannot despise.--I would owe every +thing to your generosity--but, for God's sake, keep me no longer in +suspense!--Let me see you once more!-- + + * * * * * + +LETTER LXXVIII. + +YOU must do as you please with respect to the child.--I could wish that +it might be done soon, that my name may be no more mentioned to you. It +is now finished.--Convinced that you have neither regard nor friendship, +I disdain to utter a reproach, though I have had reason to think, that +the "forbearance" talked of, has not been very delicate.--It is however +of no consequence.--I am glad you are satisfied with your own conduct. + +I now solemnly assure you, that this is an eternal farewel.--Yet I flinch +not from the duties which tie me to life. + +That there is "sophistry" on one side or other, is certain; but now it +matters not on which. On my part it has not been a question of words. Yet +your understanding or mine must be strangely warped--for what you term +"delicacy," appears to me to be exactly the contrary. I have no criterion +for morality, and have thought in vain, if the sensations which lead you +to follow an ancle or step, be the sacred foundation of principle and +affection. Mine has been of a very different nature, or it would not have +stood the brunt of your sarcasms. + +The sentiment in me is still sacred. If there be any part of me that will +survive the sense of my misfortunes, it is the purity of my affections. +The impetuosity of your senses, may have led you to term mere animal +desire, the source of principle; and it may give zest to some years to +come.--Whether you will always think so, I shall never know. + +It is strange that, in spite of all you do, something like conviction +forces me to believe, that you are not what you appear to be. + +I part with you in peace. + + * * * * * + + + + +LETTER +ON THE +PRESENT CHARACTER +OF THE +FRENCH NATION. + + +LETTER + +_Introductory to a Series of Letters on the Present Character of the +French Nation._ + + +Paris, February 15, 1793. + +My dear friend, + +IT is necessary perhaps for an observer of mankind, to guard as carefully +the remembrance of the first impression made by a nation, as by a +countenance; because we imperceptibly lose sight of the national +character, when we become more intimate with individuals. It is not then +useless or presumptuous to note, that, when I first entered Paris, the +striking contrast of riches and poverty, elegance and slovenliness, +urbanity and deceit, every where caught my eye, and saddened my soul; and +these impressions are still the foundation of my remarks on the manners, +which flatter the senses, more than they interest the heart, and yet +excite more interest than esteem. + +The whole mode of life here tends indeed to render the people frivolous, +and, to borrow their favourite epithet, amiable. Ever on the wing, they +are always sipping the sparkling joy on the brim of the cup, leaving +satiety in the bottom for those who venture to drink deep. On all sides +they trip along, buoyed up by animal spirits, and seemingly so void of +care, that often, when I am walking on the _Boulevards_, it occurs to me, +that they alone understand the full import of the term leisure; and they +trifle their time away with such an air of contentment, I know not how to +wish them wiser at the expence of their gaiety. They play before me like +motes in a sunbeam, enjoying the passing ray; whilst an English head, +searching for more solid happiness, loses, in the analysis of pleasure, +the volatile sweets of the moment. Their chief enjoyment, it is true, +rises from vanity: but it is not the vanity that engenders vexation of +spirit; on the contrary, it lightens the heavy burthen of life, which +reason too often weighs, merely to shift from one shoulder to the other. + +Investigating the modification of the passion, as I would analyze the +elements that give a form to dead matter, I shall attempt to trace to +their source the causes which have combined to render this nation the +most polished, in a physical sense, and probably the most superficial in +the world; and I mean to follow the windings of the various streams that +disembogue into a terrific gulf, in which all the dignity of our nature +is absorbed. For every thing has conspired to make the French the most +sensual people in the world; and what can render the heart so hard, or so +effectually stifle every moral emotion, as the refinements of sensuality? + +The frequent repetition of the word French, appears invidious; let me +then make a previous observation, which I beg you not to lose sight of, +when I speak rather harshly of a land flowing with milk and honey. +Remember that it is not the morals of a particular people that I would +decry; for are we not all of the same stock? But I wish calmly to +consider the stage of civilization in which I find the French, and, +giving a sketch of their character, and unfolding the circumstances which +have produced its identity, I shall endeavour to throw some light on the +history of man, and on the present important subjects of discussion. + +I would I could first inform you that, out of the chaos of vices and +follies, prejudices and virtues, rudely jumbled together, I saw the fair +form of Liberty slowly rising, and Virtue expanding her wings to shelter +all her children! I should then hear the account of the barbarities that +have rent the bosom of France patiently, and bless the firm hand that +lopt off the rotten limbs. But, if the aristocracy of birth is levelled +with the ground, only to make room for that of riches, I am afraid that +the morals of the people will not be much improved by the change, or the +government rendered less venal. Still it is not just to dwell on the +misery produced by the present struggle, without adverting to the +standing evils of the old system. I am grieved--sorely grieved--when I +think of the blood that has stained the cause of freedom at Paris; but I +also hear the same live stream cry aloud from the highways, through which +the retreating armies passed with famine and death in their rear, and I +hide my face with awe before the inscrutable ways of providence, sweeping +in such various directions the besom of destruction over the sons of men. + +Before I came to France, I cherished, you know, an opinion, that strong +virtues might exist with the polished manners produced by the progress +of civilization; and I even anticipated the epoch, when, in the course of +improvement, men would labour to become virtuous, without being goaded on +by misery. But now, the perspective of the golden age, fading before the +attentive eye of observation, almost eludes my sight; and, losing thus in +part my theory of a more perfect state, start not, my friend, if I bring +forward an opinion, which at the first glance seems to be levelled +against the existence of God! I am not become an Atheist, I assure you, +by residing at Paris: yet I begin to fear that vice, or, if you will, +evil, is the grand mobile of action, and that, when the passions are +justly poized, we become harmless, and in the same proportion useless. + +The wants of reason are very few; and, were we to consider +dispassionately the real value of most things, we should probably rest +satisfied with the simple gratification of our physical necessities, and +be content with negative goodness: for it is frequently, only that +wanton, the Imagination, with her artful coquetry, who lures us forward, +and makes us run over a rough road, pushing aside every obstacle merely +to catch a disappointment. + +The desire also of being useful to others, is continually damped by +experience; and, if the exertions of humanity were not in some measure +their own reward, who would endure misery, or struggle with care, to make +some people ungrateful, and others idle? + +You will call these melancholy effusions, and guess that, fatigued by +the vivacity, which has all the bustling folly of childhood, without the +innocence which renders ignorance charming, I am too severe in my +strictures. It may be so; and I am aware that the good effects of the +revolution will be last felt at Paris; where surely the soul of Epicurus +has long been at work to root out the simple emotions of the heart, +which, being natural, are always moral. Rendered cold and artificial by +the selfish enjoyments of the senses, which the government fostered, is +it surprising that simplicity of manners, and singleness of heart, rarely +appear, to recreate me with the wild odour of nature, so passing sweet? + +Seeing how deep the fibres of mischief have shot, I sometimes ask, with a +doubting accent, Whether a nation can go back to the purity of manners +which has hitherto been maintained unsullied only by the keen air of +poverty, when, emasculated by pleasure, the luxuries of prosperity are +become the wants of nature? I cannot yet give up the hope, that a fairer +day is dawning on Europe, though I must hesitatingly observe, that little +is to be expected from the narrow principle of commerce which seems every +where to be shoving aside _the point of honour_ of the _noblesse_. I can +look beyond the evils of the moment, and do not expect muddied water to +become clear before it has had time to stand; yet, even for the moment, +it is the most terrific of all sights, to see men vicious without +warmth--to see the order that should be the superscription of virtue, +cultivated to give security to crimes which only thoughtlessness could +palliate. Disorder is, in fact, the very essence of vice, though with the +wild wishes of a corrupt fancy humane emotions often kindly mix to soften +their atrocity. Thus humanity, generosity, and even self-denial, +sometimes render a character grand, and even useful, when hurried away by +lawless passions; but what can equal the turpitude of a cold calculator +who lives for himself alone, and considering his fellow-creatures merely +as machines of pleasure, never forgets that honesty is the best policy? +Keeping ever within the pale of the law, he crushes his thousands with +impunity; but it is with that degree of management, which makes him, to +borrow a significant vulgarism, a villain _in grain_. The very excess of +his depravation preserves him, whilst the more respectable beast of prey, +who prowls about like the lion, and roars to announce his approach, +falls into a snare. + +You may think it too soon to form an opinion of the future government, +yet it is impossible to avoid hazarding some conjectures, when every +thing whispers me, that names, not principles, are changed, and when I +see that the turn of the tide has left the dregs of the old system to +corrupt the new. For the same pride of office, the same desire of power +are still visible; with this aggravation, that, fearing to return to +obscurity after having but just acquired a relish for distinction, each +hero, or philosopher, for all are dubbed with these new titles, +endeavours to make hay while the sun shines; and every petty municipal +officer, become the idol, or rather the tyrant of the day, stalks like a +cock on a dunghil. + +I shall now conclude this desultory letter; which however will enable you +to foresee that I shall treat more of morals than manners. + +Yours ------ + + * * * * * + + + + +FRAGMENT +OF +LETTERS +ON THE +MANAGEMENT OF INFANTS. + + +CONTENTS. + + +Introductory Letter. +LETTER II. Management of the Mother during pregnancy: bathing. +LETTER III. Lying-in. +LETTER IV. The first month: diet: clothing. +LETTER V. The three following months. +LETTER VI. The remainder of the first year. +LETTER VII. The second year, &c: conclusion. + + +LETTERS ON THE MANAGEMENT OF INFANTS. + + * * * * * + +LETTER I. + +I OUGHT to apologize for not having written to you on the subject you +mentioned; but, to tell you the truth, it grew upon me: and, instead of +an answer, I have begun a series of letters on the management of children +in their infancy. Replying then to your question, I have the public in +my thoughts, and shall endeavour to show what modes appear to me +necessary, to render the infancy of children more healthy and happy. I +have long thought, that the cause which renders children as hard to rear +as the most fragile plant, is our deviation from simplicity. I know that +some able physicians have recommended the method I have pursued, and I +mean to point out the good effects I have observed in practice. I am +aware that many matrons will exclaim against me, and dwell on the number +of children they have brought up, as their mothers did before them, +without troubling themselves with new-fangled notions; yet, though, in my +uncle Toby's words, they should attempt to silence me, by "wishing I had +seen their large" families, I must suppose, while a third part of the +human species, according to the most accurate calculation, die during +their infancy, just at the threshold of life, that there is some error in +the modes adopted by mothers and nurses, which counteracts their own +endeavours. I may be mistaken in some particulars; for general rules, +founded on the soundest reason, demand individual modification; but, if I +can persuade any of the rising generation to exercise their reason on +this head, I am content. My advice will probably be found most useful to +mothers in the middle class; and it is from them that the lower +imperceptibly gains improvement. Custom, produced by reason in one, may +safely be the effect of imitation in the other.-- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- + + + + +LETTERS +TO +Mr. JOHNSON, +_BOOKSELLER_, +IN +ST. PAUL'S CHURCH-YARD. + + +LETTERS +TO +Mr. JOHNSON. + + * * * * * + + +LETTER I. + +Dublin, April 14, [1787.] + +Dear sir, + +I AM still an invalid--and begin to believe that I ought never to expect +to enjoy health. My mind preys on my body--and, when I endeavour to be +useful, I grow too much interested for my own peace. Confined almost +entirely to the society of children, I am anxiously solicitous for their +future welfare, and mortified beyond measure, when counteracted in my +endeavours to improve them.--I feel all a mother's fears for the swarm of +little ones which surround me, and observe disorders, without having +power to apply the proper remedies. How can I be reconciled to life, when +it is always a painful warfare, and when I am deprived of all the +pleasures I relish?--I allude to rational conversations, and domestic +affections. Here, alone, a poor solitary individual in a strange land, +tied to one spot, and subject to the caprice of another, can I be +contented? I am desirous to convince you that I have _some_ cause for +sorrow--and am not without reason detached from life. I shall hope to +hear that you are well, and am yours sincerely + +MARY WOLLSTONECRAFT. + + * * * * * + +LETTER II. + +Henley, Thursday, Sept 13. + +My dear sir, + +SINCE I saw you, I have, literally speaking, _enjoyed_ solitude. My +sister could not accompany me in my rambles; I therefore wandered alone, +by the side of the Thames, and in the neighbouring beautiful fields and +pleasure grounds: the prospects were of such a placid kind, I _caught_ +tranquillity while I surveyed them--my mind was _still_, though active. +Were I to give you an account how I have spent my time, you would +smile.--I found an old French bible here, and amused myself with +comparing it with our English translation; then I would listen to the +falling leaves, or observe the various tints the autumn gave to them--At +other times, the singing of a robin, or the noise of a water-mill, +engaged my attention--partial attention--, for I was, at the same time +perhaps discussing some knotty point, or straying from this _tiny_ world +to new systems. After these excursions, I returned to the family meals, +told the children stories (they think me _vastly_ agreeable), and my +sister was amused.--Well, will you allow me to call this way of passing +my days pleasant? + +I was just going to mend my pen; but I believe it will enable me to say +all I have to add to this epistle. Have you yet heard of an habitation +for me? I often think of my new plan of life; and, lest my sister should +try to prevail on me to alter it, I have avoided mentioning it to her. I +am determined!--Your sex generally laugh at female determinations; but +let me tell you, I never yet resolved to do, any thing of consequence, +that I did not adhere resolutely to it, till I had accomplished my +purpose, improbable as it might have appeared to a more timid mind. In +the course of near nine-and-twenty years, I have gathered some +experience, and felt many _severe_ disappointments--and what is the +amount? I long for a little peace and _independence_! Every obligation we +receive from our fellow-creatures is a new shackle, takes from our native +freedom, and debases the mind, makes us mere earthworms--I am not fond of +grovelling! + +I am, sir, yours, &c. + +MARY WOLLSTONECRAFT. + + * * * * * + +LETTER III. + +Market Harborough, Sept. 20. + +My dear sir, + +YOU left me with three opulent tradesmen; their conversation was not +calculated to beguile the way, when the sable curtain concealed the +beauties of nature. I listened to the tricks of trade--and shrunk away, +without wishing to grow rich; even the novelty of the subjects did not +render them pleasing; fond as I am of tracing the passions in all their +different forms--I was not surprised by any glimpse of the sublime, or +beautiful--though one of them imagined I would be a useful partner in a +good _firm_. I was very much fatigued, and have scarcely recovered +myself. I do not expect to enjoy the same tranquil pleasures Henley +afforded: I meet with new objects to employ my mind; but many painful +emotions are complicated with the reflections they give rise to. + +I do not intend to enter on the _old_ topic, yet hope to hear from +you--and am yours, &c. + +MARY WOLLSTONECRAFT. + + * * * * * + +LETTER IV. + +Friday Night. + +My dear sir, + +THOUGH your remarks are generally judicious--I cannot _now_ concur with +you, I mean with respect to the preface[67-A], and have not altered it. +I hate the usual smooth way of exhibiting proud humility. A general rule +_only_ extends to the majority--and, believe me, the few judicious +parents who may peruse my book, will not feel themselves hurt--and the +weak are too vain to mind what is said in a book intended for children. + +I return you the Italian MS.--but do not hastily imagine that I am +indolent. I would not spare any labour to do my duty--and, after the most +laborious day, that single thought would solace me more than any +pleasures the senses could enjoy. I find I could not translate the MS. +well. If it was not a MS, I should not be so easily intimidated; but the +hand, and errors in orthography, or abbreviations, are a stumbling-block +at the first setting out.--I cannot bear to do any thing I cannot do +well--and I should lose time in the vain attempt. + +I had, the other day, the satisfaction of again receiving a letter from +my poor, dear Margaret[69-A].--With all a mother's fondness I could +transcribe a part of it--She says, every day her affection to me, and +dependence on heaven increase, &c.--I miss her innocent caresses--and +sometimes indulge a pleasing hope, that she may be allowed to cheer my +childless age--if I am to live to be old.--At any rate, I may hear of the +virtues I may not contemplate--and my reason may permit me to love a +female.--I now allude to ------. I have received another letter from her, +and her childish complaints vex me--indeed they do--As usual, good-night. + +MARY. + +If parents attended to their children, I would not have written the +stories; for, what are books--compared to conversations which affection +inforces!-- + + * * * * * + +LETTER V. + +My dear sir, + +REMEMBER you are to settle _my account_, as I want to know how much I am +in your debt--but do not suppose that I feel any uneasiness on that +score. The generality of people in trade would not be much obliged to me +for a like civility, _but you were a man_ before you were a +bookseller--so I am your sincere friend, + +MARY. + + * * * * * + +LETTER VI. + +Friday Morning. + +I AM sick with vexation--and wish I could knock my foolish head against +the wall, that bodily pain might make me feel less anguish from +self-reproach! To say the truth, I was never more displeased with myself, +and I will tell you the cause.--You may recollect that I did not mention +to you the circumstance of ------ having a fortune left to him; nor did a +hint of it drop from me when I conversed with my sister; because I knew +he had a sufficient motive for concealing it. Last Sunday, when his +character was aspersed, as I thought, unjustly, in the heat of +vindication I informed ****** that he was now independent; but, at the +same time, desired him not to repeat my information to B----; yet, last +Tuesday, he told him all--and the boy at B----'s gave Mrs. ------ an +account of it. As Mr. ------ knew he had only made a confident of me (I +blush to think of it!) he guessed the channel of intelligence, and this +morning came (not to reproach me, I wish he had!) but to point out the +injury I have done him.--Let what will be the consequence, I will +reimburse him, if I deny myself the necessaries of life--and even then my +folly will sting me.--Perhaps you can scarcely conceive the misery I at +this moment endure--that I, whose power of doing good is so limited, +should do harm, galls my very soul. ****** may laugh at these +qualms--but, supposing Mr. ------ to be unworthy, I am not the less to +blame. Surely it is hell to despise one's self!--I did not want this +additional vexation--at this time I have many that hang heavily on my +spirits. I shall not call on you this month--nor stir out.--My stomach +has been so suddenly and violently affected, I am unable to lean over the +desk. + +MARY WOLLSTONECRAFT. + + * * * * * + +LETTER VII. + +AS I am become a reviewer, I think it right, in the way of business, to +consider the subject. You have alarmed the editor of the Critical, as the +advertisement prefixed to the Appendix plainly shows. The Critical +appears to me to be a timid, mean production, and its success is a +reflection on the taste and judgment of the public; but, as a body, who +ever gave it credit for much? The voice of the people is only the voice +of truth, when some man of abilities has had time to get fast hold of the +GREAT NOSE of the monster. Of course, local fame is generally a clamour, +and dies away. The Appendix to the Monthly afforded me more amusement, +though every article almost wants energy and a _cant_ of virtue and +liberality is strewed over it; always tame, and eager to pay court to +established fame. The account of Necker is one unvaried tone of +admiration. Surely men were born only to provide for the sustenance of +the body by enfeebling the mind! + +MARY. + + * * * * * + +LETTER VIII. + +YOU made me very low-spirited last night, by your manner of talking.--You +are my only friend--the only person I am _intimate_ with.--I never had a +father, or a brother--you have been both to me, ever since I knew +you--yet I have sometimes been very petulant.--I have been thinking of +those instances of ill-humour and quickness, and they appeared like +crimes. + +Yours sincerely + +MARY. + + * * * * * + +LETTER IX. + +Saturday Night. + +I AM a mere animal, and instinctive emotions too often silence the +suggestions of reason. Your note--I can scarcely tell why, hurt me--and +produced a kind of winterly smile, which diffuses a beam of despondent +tranquillity over the features. I have been very ill--Heaven knows it was +more than fancy--After some sleepless, wearisome nights, towards the +morning I have grown delirious.--Last Thursday, in particular, I imagined +------ was thrown into great distress by his folly; and I, unable to +assist him, was in an agony. My nerves were in such a painful state of +irritation--I suffered more than I can express--Society was +necessary--and might have diverted me till I gained more strength; but I +blushed when I recollected how often I had teazed you with childish +complaints, and the reveries of a disordered imagination. I even +_imagined_ that I intruded on you, because you never called on me--though +you perceived that I was not well.--I have nourished a sickly kind of +delicacy, which gives me many unnecessary pangs.--I acknowledge that life +is but a jest--and often a frightful dream--yet catch myself every day +searching for something serious--and feel real misery from the +disappointment. I am a strange compound of weakness and resolution! +However, if I must suffer, I will endeavour to suffer in silence. There +is certainly a great defect in my mind--my wayward heart creates its own +misery--Why I am made thus I cannot tell; and, till I can form some idea +of the whole of my existence, I must be content to weep and dance like a +child--long for a toy, and be tired of it as soon as I get it. + +We must each of us wear a fool's cap; but mine, alas! has lost its bells, +and is grown so heavy, I find it intolerably troublesome.----Good-night! +I have been pursuing a number of strange thoughts since I began to write, +and have actually both wept and laughed immoderately--Surely I am a +fool-- + +MARY W. + + * * * * * + +LETTER X. + +Monday Morning. + +I REALLY want a German grammar, as I intend to attempt to learn that +language--and I will tell you the reason why.--While I live, I am +persuaded, I must exert my understanding to procure an independence, and +render myself useful. To make the task easier, I ought to store my mind +with knowledge--The seed time is passing away. I see the necessity of +labouring now--and of that necessity I do not complain; on the contrary, +I am thankful that I have more than common incentives to pursue +knowledge, and draw my pleasures from the employments that are within my +reach. You perceive this is not a gloomy day--I feel at this moment +particularly grateful to you--without your humane and _delicate_ +assistance, how many obstacles should I not have had to encounter--too +often should I have been out of patience with my fellow-creatures, whom I +wish to love!--Allow me to love you, my dear sir, and call friend a being +I respect.--Adieu! + +MARY W. + + * * * * * + +LETTER XI. + +I THOUGHT you _very_ unkind, nay, very unfeeling, last night. My cares +and vexations--I will say what I allow myself to think--do me honour, as +they arise from my disinterestedness and _unbending_ principles; nor can +that mode of conduct be a reflection on my understanding, which enables +me to bear misery, rather than selfishly live for myself alone. I am not +the only character deserving of respect, that has had to struggle with +various sorrows--while inferior minds have enjoyed local fame and present +comfort.--Dr. Johnson's cares almost drove him mad--but, I suppose, you +would quietly have told him, he was a fool for not being calm, and that +wise men striving against the stream, can yet be in good humour. I have +done with insensible human wisdom,--"indifference cold in wisdom's +guise,"--and turn to the source of perfection--who perhaps never +disregarded an almost broken heart, especially when a respect, a +practical respect, for virtue, sharpened the wounds of adversity. I am +ill--I stayed in bed this morning till eleven o'clock, only thinking of +getting money to extricate myself out of some of my difficulties--The +struggle is now over. I will condescend to try to obtain some in a +disagreeable way. + +Mr. ------ called on me just now--pray did you know his motive for +calling[82-A]?--I think him impertinently officious.--He had left the +house before it occurred to me in the strong light it does now, or I +should have told him so--My poverty makes me proud--I will not be +insulted by a superficial puppy.--His intimacy with Miss ------ gave him +a privilege, which he should not have assumed with me--a proposal might +be made to his cousin, a milliner's girl, which should not have been +mentioned to me. Pray tell him that I am offended--and do not wish to see +him again!--When I meet him at your house, I shall leave the room, since +I cannot pull him by the nose. I can force my spirit to leave my +body--but it shall never bend to support that body--God of heaven, save +thy child from this living death!--I scarcely know what I write. My hand +trembles--I am very sick--sick at heart.---- + +MARY. + + * * * * * + +LETTER XII. + +Tuesday Evening. + +Sir, + +WHEN you left me this morning, and I reflected a moment--your _officious_ +message, which at first appeared to me a joke--looked so very like an +insult--I cannot forget it--To prevent then the necessity of forcing a +smile--when I chance to meet you--I take the earliest opportunity of +informing you of my real sentiments. + +MARY WOLLSTONECRAFT. + + * * * * * + +LETTER XIII. + +Wednesday, 3 o'clock. + +Sir, + +IT is inexpressibly disagreeable to me to be obliged to enter again on a +subject, that has already raised a tumult of _indignant_ emotions in my +bosom, which I was labouring to suppress when I received your letter. I +shall now _condescend_ to answer your epistle; but let me first tell you, +that, in my _unprotected_ situation, I make a point of never forgiving a +_deliberate insult_--and in that light I consider your late officious +conduct. It is not according to my nature to mince matters--I will then +tell you in plain terms, what I think. I have ever considered you in the +light of a _civil_ acquaintance--on the word friend I lay a peculiar +emphasis--and, as a mere acquaintance, you were rude and _cruel_, to step +forward to insult a woman, whose conduct and misfortunes demand respect. +If my friend, Mr. Johnson, had made the proposal--I should have been +severely hurt--have thought him unkind and unfeeling, but not +_impertinent_.--The privilege of intimacy you had no claim to--and should +have referred the man to myself--if you had not sufficient discernment to +quash it at once. I am, sir, poor and destitute.--Yet I have a spirit +that will never bend, or take indirect methods, to obtain the consequence +I despise; nay, if to support life it was necessary to act contrary to my +principles, the struggle would soon be over. I can bear any thing but my +own contempt. + +In a few words, what I call an insult, is the bare supposition that I +could for a moment think of _prostituting_ my person for a maintenance; +for in that point of view does such a marriage appear to me, who consider +right and wrong in the abstract, and never by words and local opinions +shield myself from the reproaches of my own heart and understanding. + +It is needless to say more--Only you must excuse me when I add, that I +wish never to see, but as a perfect stranger, a person who could so +grossly mistake my character. An apology is not necessary--if you were +inclined to make one--nor any further expostulations.--I again repeat, I +cannot overlook an affront; few indeed have sufficient delicacy to +respect poverty, even where it gives lustre to a character--and I tell +you sir, I am POOR--yet can live without your benevolent exertions. + +MARY WOLLSTONECRAFT. + + * * * * * + +LETTER XIV. + +I SEND you _all_ the books I had to review except Dr. J--'s Sermons, +which I have begun. If you wish me to look over any more trash this +month--you must send it directly. I have been so low-spirited since I saw +you--I was quite glad, last night, to feel myself affected by some +passages in Dr. J--'s sermon on the death of his wife--I seemed +(suddenly) to _find_ my _soul_ again--It has been for some time I cannot +tell where. Send me the Speaker--and _Mary_, I want one--and I shall soon +want some paper--you may as well send it at the same time--for I am +trying to brace my nerves that I may be industrious.--I am afraid reason +is not a good bracer--for I have been reasoning a long time with my +untoward spirits--and yet my hand trembles.--I could finish a period very +_prettily_ now, by saying that it ought to be steady when I add that I am +yours sincerely, + +MARY. + +If you do not like the manner in which I reviewed Dr. J--'s s---- on his +wife, be it known unto you--I _will_ not do it any other way--I felt some +pleasure in paying a just tribute of respect to the memory of a +man--who, spite of his faults, I have an affection for--I say _have_, for +I believe he is somewhere--_where_ my soul has been gadding perhaps;--but +_you_ do not live on conjectures. + + * * * * * + +LETTER XV. + +MY dear sir, I send you a chapter which I am pleased with, now I see it +in one point of view--and, as I have made free with the author, I hope +you will not have often to say--what does this mean? + +You forgot you were to make out my account--I am, of course, over head +and ears in debt; but I have not that kind of pride, which makes some +dislike to be obliged to those they respect.--On the contrary, when I +involuntarily lament that I have not a father or brother, I thankfully +recollect that I have received unexpected kindness from you and a few +others.--So reason allows, what nature impels me to--for I cannot live +without loving my fellow-creatures--nor can I love them, without +discovering some virtue. + +MARY. + + * * * * * + +LETTER XVI. + +Paris, December 26, 1792. + +I SHOULD immediately on the receipt of your letter, my dear friend, have +thanked you for your punctuality, for it highly gratified me, had I not +wished to wait till I could tell you that this day was not stained with +blood. Indeed the prudent precautions taken by the National Convention to +prevent a tumult, made me suppose that the dogs of faction would not dare +to bark, much less to bite, however true to their scent; and I was not +mistaken; for the citizens, who were all called out, are returning home +with composed countenances, shouldering their arms. About nine o'clock +this morning, the king passed by my window, moving silently along +(excepting now and then a few strokes on the drum, which rendered the +stillness more awful) through empty streets, surrounded by the national +guards, who, clustering round the carriage, seemed to deserve their name. +The inhabitants flocked to their windows, but the casements were all +shut, not a voice was heard, nor did I see any thing like an insulting +gesture.--For the first time since I entered France, I bowed to the +majesty of the people, and respected the propriety of behaviour so +perfectly in unison with my own feelings. I can scarcely tell you why, +but an association of ideas made the tears flow insensibly from my eyes, +when I saw Louis sitting, with more dignity than I expected from his +character, in a hackney coach, going to meet death, where so many of his +race have triumphed. My fancy instantly brought Louis XIV before me, +entering the capital with all his pomp, after one of the victories most +flattering to his pride, only to see the sunshine of prosperity +overshadowed by the sublime gloom of misery. I have been alone ever +since; and, though my mind is calm, I cannot dismiss the lively images +that have filled my imagination all the day.--Nay, do not smile, but pity +me; for, once or twice, lifting my eyes from the paper, I have seen eyes +glare through a glass-door opposite my chair and bloody hands shook at +me. Not the distant sound of a footstep can I hear.--My apartments are +remote from those of the servants, the only persons who sleep with me in +an immense hotel, one folding door opening after another.--I wish I had +even kept the cat with me!--I want to see something alive; death in so +many frightful shapes has taken hold of my fancy.--I am going to +bed--and, for the first time in my life, I cannot put out the candle. + +M. W. + +FOOTNOTES: + +[67-A] To Original Stories. + +[69-A] Countess Mount Cashel. + +[82-A] This alludes to a foolish proposal of marriage for mercenary +considerations, which the gentleman here mentioned thought proper to +recommend to her. The two letters which immediately follow, are addressed +to the gentleman himself. + + + + +EXTRACT + +OF THE + +CAVE OF FANCY. + +A TALE. + + * * * * * + +[_Begun to be written in the year 1787, but never completed_] + + +CAVE OF FANCY. + + + + +CHAP. I. + + +YE who expect constancy where every thing is changing, and peace in the +midst of tumult, attend to the voice of experience, and mark in time the +footsteps of disappointment, or life will be lost in desultory wishes, +and death arrive before the dawn of wisdom. + +In a sequestered valley, surrounded by rocky mountains that intercepted +many of the passing clouds, though sunbeams variegated their ample sides, +lived a sage, to whom nature had unlocked her most hidden secrets. His +hollow eyes, sunk in their orbits, retired from the view of vulgar +objects, and turned inwards, overleaped the boundary prescribed to human +knowledge. Intense thinking during fourscore and ten years, had whitened +the scattered locks on his head, which, like the summit of the distant +mountain, appeared to be bound by an eternal frost. + +On the sandy waste behind the mountains, the track of ferocious beasts +might be traced, and sometimes the mangled limbs which they left, +attracted a hovering flight of birds of prey. An extensive wood the sage +had forced to rear its head in a soil by no means congenial, and the firm +trunks of the trees seemed to frown with defiance on time; though the +spoils of innumerable summers covered the roots, which resembled fangs; +so closely did they cling to the unfriendly sand, where serpents hissed, +and snakes, rolling out their vast folds, inhaled the noxious vapours. +The ravens and owls who inhabited the solitude, gave also a thicker gloom +to the everlasting twilight, and the croaking of the former a monotony, +in unison with the gloom; whilst lions and tygers, shunning even this +faint semblance of day, sought the dark caverns, and at night, when they +shook off sleep, their roaring would make the whole valley resound, +confounded with the screechings of the bird of night. + +One mountain rose sublime, towering above all, on the craggy sides of +which a few sea-weeds grew, washed by the ocean, that with tumultuous +roar rushed to assault, and even undermine, the huge barrier that stopped +its progress; and ever and anon a ponderous mass, loosened from the +cliff, to which it scarcely seemed to adhere, always threatening to fall, +fell into the flood, rebounding as it fell, and the sound was re-echoed +from rock to rock. Look where you would, all was without form, as if +nature, suddenly stopping her hand, had left chaos a retreat. + +Close to the most remote side of it was the sage's abode. It was a rude +hut, formed of stumps of trees and matted twigs, to secure him from the +inclemency of the weather; only through small apertures crossed with +rushes, the wind entered in wild murmurs, modulated by these +obstructions. A clear spring broke out of the middle of the adjacent +rock, which, dropping slowly into a cavity it had hollowed, soon +overflowed, and then ran, struggling to free itself from the cumbrous +fragments, till, become a deep, silent stream, it escaped through reeds, +and roots of trees, whose blasted tops overhung and darkened the current. + +One side of the hut was supported by the rock, and at midnight, when the +sage struck the inclosed part, it yawned wide, and admitted him into a +cavern in the very bowels of the earth, where never human foot before had +trod; and the various spirits, which inhabit the different regions of +nature, were here obedient to his potent word. The cavern had been formed +by the great inundation of waters, when the approach of a comet forced +them from their source; then, when the fountains of the great deep were +broken up, a stream rushed out of the centre of the earth, where the +spirits, who have lived on it, are confined to purify themselves from +the dross contracted in their first stage of existence; and it flowed in +black waves, for ever bubbling along the cave, the extent of which had +never been explored. From the sides and top, water distilled, and, +petrifying as it fell, took fantastic shapes, that soon divided it into +apartments, if so they might be called. In the foam, a wearied spirit +would sometimes rise, to catch the most distant glimpse of light, or +taste the vagrant breeze, which the yawning of the rock admitted, when +Sagestus, for that was the name of the hoary sage, entered. Some, who +were refined and almost cleared from vicious spots, he would allow to +leave, for a limited time, their dark prison-house; and, flying on the +winds across the bleak northern ocean, or rising in an exhalation till +they reached a sun-beam, they thus re-visited the haunts of men. These +were the guardian angels, who in soft whispers restrain the vicious, and +animate the wavering wretch who stands suspended between virtue and vice. + +Sagestus had spent a night in the cavern, as he often did, and he left +the silent vestibule of the grave, just as the sun, emerging from the +ocean, dispersed the clouds, which were not half so dense as those he had +left. All that was human in him rejoiced at the sight of reviving life, +and he viewed with pleasure the mounting sap rising to expand the herbs, +which grew spontaneously in this wild--when, turning his eyes towards the +sea, he found that death had been at work during his absence, and +terrific marks of a furious storm still spread horror around. Though the +day was serene, and threw bright rays on eyes for ever shut, it dawned +not for the wretches who hung pendent on the craggy rocks, or were +stretched lifeless on the sand. Some, struggling, had dug themselves a +grave; others had resigned their breath before the impetuous surge +whirled them on shore. A few, in whom the vital spark was not so soon +dislodged, had clung to loose fragments; it was the grasp of death; +embracing the stone, they stiffened; and the head, no longer erect, +rested on the mass which the arms encircled. It felt not the agonizing +gripe, nor heard the sigh that broke the heart in twain. + +Resting his chin on an oaken club, the sage looked on every side, to see +if he could discern any who yet breathed. He drew nearer, and thought he +saw, at the first glance, the unclosed eyes glare; but soon perceived +that they were a mere glassy substance, mute as the tongue; the jaws were +fallen, and, in some of the tangled locks, hands were clinched; nay, even +the nails had entered sharpened by despair. The blood flew rapidly to his +heart; it was flesh; he felt he was still a man, and the big tear paced +down his iron cheeks, whose muscles had not for a long time been relaxed +by such humane emotions. A moment he breathed quick, then heaved a sigh, +and his wonted calm returned with an unaccustomed glow of tenderness; for +the ways of heaven were not hid from him; he lifted up his eyes to the +common Father of nature, and all was as still in his bosom, as the smooth +deep, after having closed over the huge vessel from which the wretches +had fled. + +Turning round a part of the rock that jutted out, meditating on the ways +of Providence, a weak infantine voice reached his ears; it was lisping +out the name of mother. He looked, and beheld a blooming child leaning +over, and kissing with eager fondness, lips that were insensible to the +warm pressure. Starting at the sight of the sage, she fixed her eyes on +him, "Wake her, ah! wake her," she cried, "or the sea will catch us." +Again he felt compassion, for he saw that the mother slept the sleep of +death. He stretched out his hand, and, smoothing his brow, invited her to +approach; but she still intreated him to wake her mother, whom she +continued to call, with an impatient tremulous voice. To detach her from +the body by persuasion would not have been very easy. Sagestus had a +quicker method to effect his purpose; he took out a box which contained a +soporific powder, and as soon as the fumes reached her brain, the powers +of life were suspended. + +He carried her directly to his hut, and left her sleeping profoundly on +his rushy couch. + + + + +CHAP. II. + + +AGAIN Sagestus approached the dead, to view them with a more scrutinizing +eye. He was perfectly acquainted with the construction of the human body, +knew the traces that virtue or vice leaves on the whole frame; they were +now indelibly fixed by death; nay more, he knew by the shape of the solid +structure, how far the spirit could range, and saw the barrier beyond +which it could not pass: the mazes of fancy he explored, measured the +stretch of thought, and, weighing all in an even balance, could tell whom +nature had stamped an hero, a poet, or philosopher. + +By their appearance, at a transient glance, he knew that the vessel must +have contained many passengers, and that some of them were above the +vulgar, with respect to fortune and education; he then walked leisurely +among the dead, and narrowly observed their pallid features. + +His eye first rested on a form in which proportion reigned, and, stroking +back the hair, a spacious forehead met his view; warm fancy had revelled +there, and her airy dance had left vestiges, scarcely visible to a mortal +eye. Some perpendicular lines pointed out that melancholy had +predominated in his constitution; yet the straggling hairs of his +eye-brows showed that anger had often shook his frame; indeed, the four +temperatures, like the four elements, had resided in this little world, +and produced harmony. The whole visage was bony, and an energetic frown +had knit the flexible skin of his brow; the kingdom within had been +extensive; and the wild creations of fancy had there "a local habitation +and a name." So exquisite was his sensibility, so quick his +comprehension, that he perceived various combinations in an instant; he +caught truth as she darted towards him, saw all her fair proportion at a +glance, and the flash of his eye spoke the quick senses which conveyed +intelligence to his mind; the sensorium indeed was capacious, and the +sage imagined he saw the lucid beam, sparkling with love or ambition, in +characters of fire, which a graceful curve of the upper eyelid shaded. +The lips were a little deranged by contempt; and a mixture of vanity and +self-complacency formed a few irregular lines round them. The chin had +suffered from sensuality, yet there were still great marks of vigour in +it, as if advanced with stern dignity. The hand accustomed to command, +and even tyrannize, was unnerved; but its appearance convinced Sagestus, +that he had oftener wielded a thought than a weapon; and that he had +silenced, by irresistible conviction, the superficial disputant, and the +being, who doubted because he had not strength to believe, who, wavering +between different borrowed opinions, first caught at one straw, then at +another, unable to settle into any consistency of character. After gazing +a few moments, Sagestus turned away exclaiming, How are the stately oaks +torn up by a tempest, and the bow unstrung, that could force the arrow +beyond the ken of the eye! + +What a different face next met his view! The forehead was short, yet well +set together; the nose small, but a little turned up at the end; and a +draw-down at the sides of his mouth, proved that he had been a humourist, +who minded the main chance, and could joke with his acquaintance, while +he eagerly devoured a dainty which he was not to pay for. His lips shut +like a box whose hinges had often been mended; and the muscles, which +display the soft emotion of the heart on the cheeks, were grown quite +rigid, so that, the vessels that should have moistened them not having +much communication with the grand source of passions, the fine volatile +fluid had evaporated, and they became mere dry fibres, which might be +pulled by any misfortune that threatened himself, but were not +sufficiently elastic to be moved by the miseries of others. His joints +were inserted compactly, and with celerity they had performed all the +animal functions, without any of the grace which results from the +imagination mixing with the senses. + +A huge form was stretched near him, that exhibited marks of overgrown +infancy; every part was relaxed; all appeared imperfect. Yet, some +undulating lines on the puffed-out cheeks, displayed signs of timid, +servile good nature; and the skin of the forehead had been so often drawn +up by wonder, that the few hairs of the eyebrows were fixed in a sharp +arch, whilst an ample chin rested in lobes of flesh on his protuberant +breast. + +By his side was a body that had scarcely ever much life in it--sympathy +seemed to have drawn them together--every feature and limb was round and +fleshy, and, if a kind of brutal cunning had not marked the face, it +might have been mistaken for an automaton, so unmixed was the phlegmatic +fluid. The vital spark was buried deep in a soft mass of matter, +resembling the pith in young elder, which, when found, is so equivocal, +that it only appears a moister part of the same body. + +Another part of the beach was covered with sailors, whose bodies +exhibited marks of strength and brutal courage.--Their characters were +all different, though of the same class; Sagestus did not stay to +discriminate them, satisfied with a rough sketch. He saw indolence roused +by a love of humour, or rather bodily fun; sensuality and prodigality +with a vein of generosity running through it; a contempt of danger with +gross superstition; supine senses, only to be kept alive by noisy, +tumultuous pleasures, or that kind of novelty which borders on absurdity: +this formed the common outline, and the rest were rather dabs than +shades. + +Sagestus paused, and remembered it had been said by an earthly wit, that +"many a flower is born to blush unseen, and waste its sweetness on the +desart air." How little, he exclaimed, did that poet know of the ways of +heaven! And yet, in this respect, they are direct; the hands before me, +were designed to pull a rope, knock down a sheep, or perform the servile +offices of life; no "mute, inglorious poet" rests amongst them, and he +who is superior to his fellow, does not rise above mediocrity. The genius +that sprouts from a dunghil soon shakes off the heterogenous mass; those +only grovel, who have not power to fly. + +He turned his step towards the mother of the orphan: another female was +at some distance; and a man who, by his garb, might have been the +husband, or brother, of the former, was not far off. + +Him the sage surveyed with an attentive eye, and bowed with respect to +the inanimate clay, that lately had been the dwelling of a most +benevolent spirit. The head was square, though the features were not very +prominent; but there was a great harmony in every part, and the turn of +the nostrils and lips evinced, that the soul must have had taste, to +which they had served as organs. Penetration and judgment were seated on +the brows that overhung the eye. Fixed as it was, Sagestus quickly +discerned the expression it must have had; dark and pensive, rather from +slowness of comprehension than melancholy, it seemed to absorb the light +of knowledge, to drink it in ray by ray; nay, a new one was not allowed +to enter his head till the last was arranged: an opinion was thus +cautiously received, and maturely weighed, before it was added to the +general stock. As nature led him to mount from a part to the whole, he +was most conversant with the beautiful, and rarely comprehended the +sublime; yet, said Sagestus, with a softened tone, he was all heart, full +of forbearance, and desirous to please every fellow-creature; but from a +nobler motive than a love of admiration; the fumes of vanity never +mounted to cloud his brain, or tarnish his beneficence. The fluid in +which those placid eyes swam, is now congealed; how often has tenderness +given them the finest water! Some torn parts of the child's dress hung +round his arm, which led the sage to conclude, that he had saved the +child; every line in his face confirmed the conjecture; benevolence +indeed strung the nerves that naturally were not very firm; it was the +great knot that tied together the scattered qualities, and gave the +distinct stamp to the character. + +The female whom he next approached, and supposed to be an attendant on +the other, was below the middle size, and her legs were so +disproportionably short, that, when she moved, she must have waddled +along; her elbows were drawn in to touch her long taper, waist, and the +air of her whole body was an affectation of gentility. Death could not +alter the rigid hang of her limbs, or efface the simper that had +stretched her mouth; the lips were thin, as if nature intended she should +mince her words; her nose was small, and sharp at the end; and the +forehead, unmarked by eyebrows, was wrinkled by the discontent that had +sunk her cheeks, on which Sagestus still discerned faint traces of +tenderness; and fierce good-nature, he perceived had sometimes animated +the little spark of an eye that anger had oftener lighted. The same +thought occurred to him that the sight of the sailors had suggested, Men +and women are all in their proper places--this female was intended to +fold up linen and nurse the sick. + +Anxious to observe the mother of his charge, he turned to the lily that +had been so rudely snapped, and, carefully observing it, traced every +fine line to its source. There was a delicacy in her form, so truly +feminine, that an involuntary desire to cherish such a being, made the +sage again feel the almost forgotten sensations of his nature. On +observing her more closely, he discovered that her natural delicacy had +been increased by an improper education, to a degree that took away all +vigour from her faculties. And its baneful influence had had such an +effect on her mind, that few traces of the exertions of it appeared on +her face, though the fine finish of her features, and particularly the +form of the forehead, convinced the sage that her understanding might +have risen considerably above mediocrity, had the wheels ever been put in +motion; but, clogged by prejudices, they never turned quite round, and, +whenever she considered a subject, she stopped before she came to a +conclusion. Assuming a mask of propriety, she had banished nature; yet +its tendency was only to be diverted, not stifled. Some lines, which took +from the symmetry of the mouth, not very obvious to a superficial +observer, struck Sagestus, and they appeared to him characters of +indolent obstinacy. Not having courage to form an opinion of her own, she +adhered, with blind partiality, to those she adopted, which she received +in the lump, and, as they always remained unopened, of course she only +saw the even gloss on the outside. Vestiges of anger were visible on her +brow, and the sage concluded, that she had often been offended with, and +indeed would scarcely make any allowance for, those who did not coincide +with her in opinion, as things always appear self-evident that have never +been examined; yet her very weakness gave a charming timidity to her +countenance; goodness and tenderness pervaded every lineament, and melted +in her dark blue eyes. The compassion that wanted activity, was sincere, +though it only embellished her face, or produced casual acts of charity +when a moderate alms could relieve present distress. Unacquainted with +life, fictitious, unnatural distress drew the tears that were not shed +for real misery. In its own shape, human wretchedness excites a little +disgust in the mind that has indulged sickly refinement. Perhaps the +sage gave way to a little conjecture in drawing the last conclusion; but +his conjectures generally arose from distinct ideas, and a dawn of light +allowed him to see a great way farther than common mortals. + +He was now convinced that the orphan was not very unfortunate in having +lost such a mother. The parent that inspires fond affection without +respect, is seldom an useful one; and they only are respectable, who +consider right and wrong abstracted from local forms and accidental +modifications. + +Determined to adopt the child, he named it after himself, Sagesta, and +retired to the hut where the innocent slept, to think of the best method +of educating this child, whom the angry deep had spared. + +[The last branch of the education of Sagesta, consisted of a variety of +characters and stories presented to her in the Cave of Fancy, of which +the following is a specimen.] + + + + +CHAP. + + +A FORM now approached that particularly struck and interested Sagesta. +The sage, observing what passed in her mind, bade her ever trust to the +first impression. In life, he continued, try to remember the effect the +first appearance of a stranger has on your mind; and, in proportion to +your sensibility, you may decide on the character. Intelligence glances +from eyes that have the same pursuits, and a benevolent heart soon traces +the marks of benevolence on the countenance of an unknown +fellow-creature; and not only the countenance, but the gestures, the +voice, loudly speak truth to the unprejudiced mind. + +Whenever a stranger advances towards you with a tripping step, receives +you with broad smiles, and a profusion of compliments, and yet you find +yourself embarrassed and unable to return the salutation with equal +cordiality, be assured that such a person is affected, and endeavours to +maintain a very good character in the eyes of the world, without really +practising the social virtues which dress the face in looks of unfeigned +complacency. Kindred minds are drawn to each other by expressions which +elude description; and, like the calm breeze that plays on a smooth lake, +they are rather felt than seen. Beware of a man who always appears in +good humour; a selfish design too frequently lurks in the smiles the +heart never curved; or there is an affectation of candour that destroys +all strength of character, by blending truth and falshood into an +unmeaning mass. The mouth, in fact, seems to be the feature where you may +trace every kind of dissimulation, from the simper of vanity, to the +fixed smile of the designing villain. Perhaps, the modulations of the +voice will still more quickly give a key to the character than even the +turns of the mouth, or the words that issue from it; often do the tones +of unpractised dissemblers give the lie to their assertions. Many people +never speak in an unnatural voice, but when they are insincere: the +phrases not corresponding with the dictates of the heart, have nothing to +keep them in tune. In the course of an argument however, you may easily +discover whether vanity or conviction stimulates the disputant, though +his inflated countenance may be turned from you, and you may not see the +gestures which mark self-sufficiency. He stopped, and the spirit began. + +I have wandered through the cave; and, as soon as I have taught you a +useful lesson, I shall take my flight where my tears will cease to flow, +and where mine eyes will no more be shocked with the sight of guilt and +sorrow. Before many moons have changed, thou wilt enter, O mortal! into +that world I have lately left. Listen to my warning voice, and trust not +too much to the goodness which I perceive resides in thy breast. Let it +be reined in by principles, lest thy very virtue sharpen the sting of +remorse, which as naturally follows disorder in the moral world, as pain +attends on intemperance in the physical. But my history will afford you +more instruction than mere advice. Sagestus concurred in opinion with +her, observing that the senses of children should be the first object of +improvement; then their passions worked on; and judgment the fruit, must +be the acquirement of the being itself, when out of leading-strings. The +spirit bowed assent, and, without any further prelude, entered on her +history. + +My mother was a most respectable character, but she was yoked to a man +whose follies and vices made her ever feel the weight of her chains. The +first sensation I recollect, was pity; for I have seen her weep over me +and the rest of her babes, lamenting that the extravagance of a father +would throw us destitute on the world. But, though my father was +extravagant, and seldom thought of any thing but his own pleasures, our +education was not neglected. In solitude, this employment was my mother's +only solace; and my father's pride made him procure us masters; nay, +sometimes he was so gratified by our improvement, that he would embrace +us with tenderness, and intreat my mother to forgive him, with marks of +real contrition. But the affection his penitence gave rise to, only +served to expose her to continual disappointments, and keep hope alive +merely to torment her. After a violent debauch he would let his beard +grow, and the sadness that reigned in the house I shall never forget; he +was ashamed to meet even the eyes of his children. This is so contrary to +the nature of things, it gave me exquisite pain; I used, at those times, +to show him extreme respect. I could not bear to see my parent humble +himself before me. However neither his constitution, nor fortune could +long bear the constant waste. He had, I have observed, a childish +affection for his children, which was displayed in caresses that +gratified him for the moment, yet never restrained the headlong fury of +his appetites; his momentary repentance wrung his heart, without +influencing his conduct; and he died, leaving an encumbered wreck of a +good estate. + +As we had always lived in splendid poverty, rather than in affluence, the +shock was not so great; and my mother repressed her anguish, and +concealed some circumstances, that she might not shed a destructive +mildew over the gaiety of youth. + +So fondly did I doat on this dear parent, that she engrossed all my +tenderness; her sorrows had knit me firmly to her, and my chief care was +to give her proofs of affection. The gallantry that afforded my +companions, the few young people my mother forced me to mix with, so much +pleasure, I despised; I wished more to be loved than admired, for I could +love. I adored virtue; and my imagination, chasing a chimerical object, +overlooked the common pleasures of life; they were not sufficient for my +happiness. A latent fire made me burn to rise superior to my +contemporaries in wisdom and virtue; and tears of joy and emulation +filled my eyes when I read an account of a great action--I felt +admiration, not astonishment. + +My mother had two particular friends, who endeavoured to settle her +affairs; one was a middle-aged man, a merchant; the human breast never +enshrined a more benevolent heart. His manners were rather rough, and he +bluntly spoke his thoughts without observing the pain it gave; yet he +possessed extreme tenderness, as far as his discernment went. Men do not +make sufficient distinction, said she, digressing from her story to +address Sagestus, between tenderness and sensibility. + +To give the shortest definition of sensibility, replied the sage, I +should say that it is the result of acute senses, finely fashioned +nerves, which vibrate at the slightest touch, and convey such clear +intelligence to the brain, that it does not require to be arranged by the +judgment. Such persons instantly enter into the characters of others, and +instinctively discern what will give pain to every human being; their own +feelings are so varied that they seem to contain in themselves, not only +all the passions of the species, but their various modifications. +Exquisite pain and pleasure is their portion; nature wears for them a +different aspect than is displayed to common mortals. One moment it is a +paradise; all is beautiful: a cloud arises, an emotion receives a sudden +damp; darkness invades the sky, and the world is an unweeded garden;--but +go on with your narrative, said Sagestus, recollecting himself. + +She proceeded. The man I am describing was humanity itself; but +frequently he did not understand me; many of my feelings were not to be +analyzed by his common sense. His friendships, for he had many friends, +gave him pleasure unmixed with pain; his religion was coldly reasonable, +because he wanted fancy, and he did not feel the necessity of finding, +or creating, a perfect object, to answer the one engraved on his heart: +the sketch there was faint. He went with the stream, and rather caught a +character from the society he lived in, than spread one around him. In my +mind many opinions were graven with a pen of brass, which he thought +chimerical: but time could not erase them, and I now recognize them as +the seeds of eternal happiness: they will soon expand in those realms +where I shall enjoy the bliss adapted to my nature; this is all we need +ask of the Supreme Being; happiness must follow the completion of his +designs. He however could live quietly, without giving a preponderancy to +many important opinions that continually obtruded on my mind; not having +an enthusiastic affection for his fellow creatures, he did them good, +without suffering from their follies. He was particularly attached to me, +and I felt for him all the affection of a daughter; often, when he had +been interesting himself to promote my welfare, have I lamented that he +was not my father; lamented that the vices of mine had dried up one +source of pure affection. + +The other friend I have already alluded to, was of a very different +character; greatness of mind, and those combinations of feeling which are +so difficult to describe, raised him above the throng, that bustle their +hour out, lie down to sleep, and are forgotten. But I shall soon see him, +she exclaimed, as much superior to his former self, as he then rose in my +eyes above his fellow creatures! As she spoke, a glow of delight +animated each feature; her countenance appeared transparent; and she +silently anticipated the happiness she should enjoy, when she entered +those mansions, where death-divided friends should meet, to part no more; +where human weakness could not damp their bliss, or poison the cup of joy +that, on earth, drops from the lips as soon as tasted, or, if some daring +mortal snatches a hasty draught, what was sweet to the taste becomes a +root of bitterness. + +He was unfortunate, had many cares to struggle with, and I marked on his +cheeks traces of the same sorrows that sunk my own. He was unhappy I say, +and perhaps pity might first have awoke my tenderness; for, early in +life, an artful woman worked on his compassionate soul, and he united his +fate to a being made up of such jarring elements, that he was still +alone. The discovery did not extinguish that propensity to love, a high +sense of virtue fed. I saw him sick and unhappy, without a friend to +sooth the hours languor made heavy; often did I sit a long winter's +evening by his side, railing at the swift wings of time, and terming my +love, humanity. + +Two years passed in this manner, silently rooting my affection; and it +might have continued calm, if a fever had not brought him to the very +verge of the grave. Though still deceived, I was miserable that the +customs of the world did not allow me to watch by him; when sleep forsook +his pillow, my wearied eyes were not closed, and my anxious spirit +hovered round his bed. I saw him, before he had recovered his strength; +and, when his hand touched mine, life almost retired, or flew to meet +the touch. The first look found a ready way to my heart, and thrilled +through every vein. We were left alone, and insensibly began to talk of +the immortality of the soul; I declared that I could not live without +this conviction. In the ardour of conversation he pressed my hand to his +heart; it rested there a moment, and my emotions gave weight to my +opinion, for the affection we felt was not of a perishable nature.--A +silence ensued, I know not how long; he then threw my hand from him, as +if it had been a serpent; formally complained of the weather, and +adverted to twenty other uninteresting subjects. Vain efforts! Our hearts +had already spoken to each other. + +Feebly did I afterwards combat an affection, which seemed twisted in +every fibre of my heart. The world stood still when I thought of him; it +moved heavily at best, with one whose very constitution seemed to mark +her out for misery. But I will not dwell on the passion I too fondly +nursed. One only refuge had I on earth; I could not resolutely desolate +the scene my fancy flew to, when worldly cares, when a knowledge of +mankind, which my circumstances forced on me, rendered every other +insipid. I was afraid of the unmarked vacuity of common life; yet, though +I supinely indulged myself in fairy-land, when I ought to have been more +actively employed, virtue was still the first mover of my actions; she +dressed my love in such enchanting colours, and spread the net I could +never break. Our corresponding feelings confounded our very souls; and +in many conversations we almost intuitively discerned each other's +sentiments; the heart opened itself, not chilled by reserve, nor afraid +of misconstruction. But, if virtue inspired love, love gave new energy to +virtue, and absorbed every selfish passion. Never did even a wish escape +me, that my lover should not fulfil the hard duties which fate had +imposed on him. I only dissembled with him in one particular; I +endeavoured to soften his wife's too conspicuous follies, and extenuated +her failings in an indirect manner. To this I was prompted by a loftiness +of spirit; I should have broken the band of life, had I ceased to respect +myself. But I will hasten to an important change in my circumstances. + +My mother, who had concealed the real state of her affairs from me, was +now impelled to make me her confident, that I might assist to discharge +her mighty debt of gratitude. The merchant, my more than father, had +privately assisted her: but a fatal civil-war reduced his large property +to a bare competency; and an inflammation in his eyes, that arose from a +cold he had caught at a wreck, which he watched during a stormy night to +keep off the lawless colliers, almost deprived him of sight. His life had +been spent in society, and he scarcely knew how to fill the void; for his +spirit would not allow him to mix with his former equals as an humble +companion; he who had been treated with uncommon respect, could not brook +their insulting pity. From the resource of solitude, reading, the +complaint in his eyes cut him off, and he became our constant visitor. + +Actuated by the sincerest affection, I used to read to him, and he +mistook my tenderness for love. How could I undeceive him, when every +circumstance frowned on him! Too soon I found that I was his only +comfort; I, who rejected his hand when fortune smiled, could not now +second her blow; and, in a moment of enthusiastic gratitude and tender +compassion, I offered him my hand.--It was received with pleasure; +transport was not made for his soul; nor did he discover that nature had +separated us, by making me alive to such different sensations. My mother +was to live with us, and I dwelt on this circumstance to banish cruel +recollections, when the bent bow returned to its former state. + +With a bursting heart and a firm voice, I named the day when I was to +seal my promise. It came, in spite of my regret; I had been previously +preparing myself for the awful ceremony, and answered the solemn question +with a resolute tone, that would silence the dictates of my heart; it was +a forced, unvaried one; had nature modulated it, my secret would have +escaped. My active spirit was painfully on the watch to repress every +tender emotion. The joy in my venerable parent's countenance, the +tenderness of my husband, as he conducted me home, for I really had a +sincere affection for him, the gratulations of my mind, when I thought +that this sacrifice was heroic, all tended to deceive me; but the joy of +victory over the resigned, pallid look of my lover, haunted my +imagination, and fixed itself in the centre of my brain.--Still I +imagined, that his spirit was near me, that he only felt sorrow for my +loss, and without complaint resigned me to my duty. + +I was left alone a moment; my two elbows rested on a table to support my +chin. Ten thousand thoughts darted with astonishing velocity through my +mind. My eyes were dry; I was on the brink of madness. At this moment a +strange association was made by my imagination; I thought of Gallileo, +who when he left the inquisition, looked upwards, and cried out, "Yet it +moves." A shower of tears, like the refreshing drops of heaven, relieved +my parched sockets; they fell disregarded on the table; and, stamping +with my foot, in an agony I exclaimed, "Yet I love." My husband entered +before I had calmed these tumultuous emotions, and tenderly took my +hand. I snatched it from him; grief and surprise were marked on his +countenance; I hastily stretched it out again. My heart smote me, and I +removed the transient mist by an unfeigned endeavour to please him. + +A few months after, my mind grew calmer; and, if a treacherous +imagination, if feelings many accidents revived, sometimes plunged me +into melancholy, I often repeated with steady conviction, that virtue was +not an empty name, and that, in following the dictates of duty, I had not +bidden adieu to content. + +In the course of a few years, the dear object of my fondest affection, +said farewel, in dying accents. Thus left alone, my grief became dear; +and I did not feel solitary, because I thought I might, without a crime, +indulge a passion, that grew more ardent than ever when my imagination +only presented him to my view, and restored my former activity of soul +which the late calm had rendered torpid. I seemed to find myself again, +to find the eccentric warmth that gave me identity of character. Reason +had governed my conduct, but could not change my nature; this voluptuous +sorrow was superior to every gratification of sense, and death more +firmly united our hearts. + +Alive to every human affection, I smoothed my mothers passage to +eternity, and so often gave my husband sincere proofs of affection, he +never supposed that I was actuated by a more fervent attachment. My +melancholy, my uneven spirits, he attributed to my extreme sensibility, +and loved me the better for possessing qualities he could not +comprehend. + +At the close of a summer's day, some years after, I wandered with +careless steps over a pathless common; various anxieties had rendered the +hours which the sun had enlightened heavy; sober evening came on; I +wished to still "my mind, and woo lone quiet in her silent walk." The +scene accorded with my feelings; it was wild and grand; and the spreading +twilight had almost confounded the distant sea with the barren, blue +hills that melted from my sight. I sat down on a rising ground; the rays +of the departing sun illumined the horizon, but so indistinctly, that I +anticipated their total extinction. The death of Nature led me to a still +more interesting subject, that came home to my bosom, the death of him I +loved. A village-bell was tolling; I listened, and thought of the moment +when I heard his interrupted breath, and felt the agonizing fear, that +the same sound would never more reach my ears, and that the intelligence +glanced from my eyes, would no more be felt. The spoiler had seized his +prey; the sun was fled, what was this world to me! I wandered to another, +where death and darkness could not enter; I pursued the sun beyond the +mountains, and the soul escaped from this vale of tears. My reflections +were tinged with melancholy, but they were sublime.--I grasped a mighty +whole, and smiled on the king of terrors; the tie which bound me to my +friends he could not break; the same mysterious knot united me to the +source of all goodness and happiness. I had seen the divinity reflected +in a face I loved; I had read immortal characters displayed on a human +countenance, and forgot myself whilst I gazed. I could not think of +immortality, without recollecting the ecstacy I felt, when my heart first +whispered to me that I was beloved; and again did I feel the sacred tie +of mutual affection; fervently I prayed to the father of mercies; and +rejoiced that he could see every turn of a heart, whose movements I could +not perfectly understand. My passion seemed a pledge of immortality; I +did not wish to hide it from the all-searching eye of heaven. Where +indeed could I go from his presence? and, whilst it was dear to me, +though darkness might reign during the night of life, joy would come when +I awoke to life everlasting. + +I now turned my step towards home, when the appearance of a girl, who +stood weeping on the common, attracted my attention. I accosted her, and +soon heard her simple tale; that her father was gone to sea, and her +mother sick in bed. I followed her to their little dwelling, and relieved +the sick wretch. I then again sought my own abode; but death did not now +haunt my fancy. Contriving to give the poor creature I had left more +effectual relief, I reached my own garden-gate very weary, and rested on +it.--Recollecting the turns of my mind during the walk, I exclaimed, +Surely life may thus be enlivened by active benevolence, and the sleep of +death, like that I am now disposed to fall into, may be sweet! + +My life was now unmarked by any extraordinary change, and a few days ago +I entered this cavern; for through it every mortal must pass; and here I +have discovered, that I neglected many opportunities of being useful, +whilst I fostered a devouring flame. Remorse has not reached me, because +I firmly adhered to my principles, and I have also discovered that I saw +through a false medium. Worthy as the mortal was I adored, I should not +long have loved him with the ardour I did, had fate united us, and broken +the delusion the imagination so artfully wove. His virtues, as they now +do, would have extorted my esteem; but he who formed the human soul, only +can fill it, and the chief happiness of an immortal being must arise from +the same source as its existence. Earthly love leads to heavenly, and +prepares us for a more exalted state; if it does not change its nature, +and destroy itself, by trampling on the virtue, that constitutes its +essence, and allies us to the Deity. + + + + +ON + +POETRY, + +AND + +OUR RELISH FOR THE BEAUTIES OF NATURE. + + +ON + +POETRY, &c. + + +A TASTE for rural scenes, in the present state of society, appears to be +very often an artificial sentiment, rather inspired by poetry and +romances, than a real perception of the beauties of nature. But, as it is +reckoned a proof of refined taste to praise the calm pleasures which the +country affords, the theme is never exhausted. Yet it may be made a +question, whether this romantic kind of declamation, has much effect on +the conduct of those, who leave, for a season, the crowded cities in +which they were bred. + +I have been led to these reflections, by observing, when I have resided +for any length of time in the country, how few people seem to contemplate +nature with their own eyes. I have "brushed the dew away" in the morning; +but, pacing over the printless grass, I have wondered that, in such +delightful situations, the sun was allowed to rise in solitary majesty, +whilst my eyes alone hailed its beautifying beams. The webs of the +evening have still been spread across the hedged path, unless some +labouring man, trudging to work, disturbed the fairy structure; yet, in +spite of this supineness, when I joined the social circle, every tongue +rang changes on the pleasures of the country. + +Having frequently had occasion to make the same observation, I was led to +endeavour, in one of my solitary rambles, to trace the cause, and +likewise to enquire why the poetry written in the infancy of society, is +most natural: which, strictly speaking (for _natural_ is a very +indefinite expression) is merely to say, that it is the transcript of +immediate sensations, in all their native wildness and simplicity, when +fancy, awakened by the sight of interesting objects, was most actively at +work. At such moments, sensibility quickly furnishes similes, and the +sublimated spirits combine images, which rising spontaneously, it is not +necessary coldly to ransack the understanding or memory, till the +laborious efforts of judgment exclude present sensations, and damp the +fire of enthusiasm. + +The effusions of a vigorous mind, will ever tell us how far the +understanding has been enlarged by thought, and stored with knowledge. +The richness of the soil even appears on the surface; and the result of +profound thinking, often mixing, with playful grace, in the reveries of +the poet, smoothly incorporates with the ebullitions of animal spirits, +when the finely fashioned nerve vibrates acutely with rapture, or when, +relaxed by soft melancholy, a pleasing languor prompts the long-drawn +sigh, and feeds the slowly falling tear. + +The poet, the man of strong feelings, gives us only an image of his mind, +when he was actually alone, conversing with himself, and marking the +impression which nature had made on his own heart.--If, at this sacred +moment, the idea of some departed friend, some tender recollection when +the soul was most alive to tenderness, intruded unawares into his +thoughts, the sorrow which it produced is artlessly, yet poetically +expressed--and who can avoid sympathizing? + +Love to man leads to devotion--grand and sublime images strike the +imagination--God is seen in every floating cloud, and comes from the +misty mountain to receive the noblest homage of an intelligent +creature--praise. How solemn is the moment, when all affections and +remembrances fade before the sublime admiration which the wisdom and +goodness of God inspires, when he is worshipped in a _temple not made +with hands_, and the world seems to contain only the mind that formed, +and the mind that contemplates it! These are not the weak responses of +ceremonial devotion; nor, to express them, would the poet need another +poet's aid: his heart burns within him, and he speaks the language of +truth and nature with resistless energy. + +Inequalities, of course, are observable in his effusions; and a less +vigorous fancy, with more taste, would have produced more elegance and +uniformity; but, as passages are softened or expunged during the cooler +moments of reflection, the understanding is gratified at the expence of +those involuntary sensations, which, like the beauteous tints of an +evening sky, are so evanescent, that they melt into new forms before they +can be analyzed. For however eloquently we may boast of our reason, man +must often be delighted he cannot tell why, or his blunt feelings are not +made to relish the beauties which nature, poetry, or any of the imitative +arts, afford. + +The imagery of the ancients seems naturally to have been borrowed from +surrounding objects and their mythology. When a hero is to be transported +from one place to another, across pathless wastes, is any vehicle so +natural, as one of the fleecy clouds on which the poet has often gazed, +scarcely conscious that he wished to make it his chariot? Again, when +nature seems to present obstacles to his progress at almost every step, +when the tangled forest and steep mountain stand as barriers, to pass +over which the mind longs for supernatural aid; an interposing deity, who +walks on the waves, and rules the storm, severely felt in the first +attempts to cultivate a country, will receive from the impassioned fancy +"a local habitation and a name." + +It would be a philosophical enquiry, and throw some light on the history +of the human mind, to trace, as far as our information will allow us to +trace, the spontaneous feelings and ideas which have produced the images +that now frequently appear unnatural, because they are remote; and +disgusting, because they have been servilely copied by poets, whose +habits of thinking, and views of nature must have been different; for, +though the understanding seldom disturbs the current of our present +feelings, without dissipating the gay clouds which fancy has been +embracing, yet it silently gives the colour to the whole tenour of them, +and the dream is over, when truth is grossly violated, or images +introduced, selected from books, and not from local manners or popular +prejudices. + +In a more advanced state of civilization, a poet is rather the creature +of art, than of nature. The books that he reads in his youth, become a +hot-bed in which artificial fruits are produced, beautiful to the common +eye, though they want the true hue and flavour. His images do not arise +from sensations; they are copies; and, like the works of the painters who +copy ancient statues when they draw men and women of their own times, we +acknowledge that the features are fine, and the proportions just; yet +they are men of stone; insipid figures, that never convey to the mind the +idea of a portrait taken from life, where the soul gives spirit and +homogeneity to the whole. The silken wings of fancy are shrivelled by +rules; and a desire of attaining elegance of diction, occasions an +attention to words, incompatible with sublime, impassioned thoughts. + +A boy of abilities, who has been taught the structure of verse at school, +and been roused by emulation to compose rhymes whilst he was reading +works of genius, may, by practice, produce pretty verses, and even become +what is often termed an elegant poet: yet his readers, without knowing +what to find fault with, do not find themselves warmly interested. In the +works of the poets who fasten on their affections, they see grosser +faults, and the very images which shock their taste in the modern; still +they do not appear as puerile or extrinsic in one as the +other.--Why?--because they did not appear so to the author. + +It may sound paradoxical, after observing that those productions want +vigour, that are merely the work of imitation, in which the understanding +has violently directed, if not extinguished, the blaze of fancy, to +assert, that, though genius be only another word for exquisite +sensibility, the first observers of nature, the true poets, exercised +their understanding much more than their imitators. But they exercised it +to discriminate things, whilst their followers were busy to borrow +sentiments and arrange words. + +Boys who have received a classical education, load their memory with +words, and the correspondent ideas are perhaps never distinctly +comprehended. As a proof of this assertion, I must observe, that I have +known many young people who could write tolerably smooth verses, and +string epithets prettily together, when their prose themes showed the +barrenness of their minds, and how superficial the cultivation must have +been, which their understanding had received. + +Dr. Johnson, I know, has given a definition of genius, which would +overturn my reasoning, if I were to admit it.--He imagines, that _a +strong mind, accidentally led to some particular study_ in which it +excels, is a genius.--Not to stop to investigate the causes which +produced this happy _strength_ of mind, experience seems to prove, that +those minds have appeared most vigorous, that have pursued a study, after +nature had discovered a bent; for it would be absurd to suppose, that a +slight impression made on the weak faculties of a boy, is the fiat of +fate, and not to be effaced by any succeeding impression, or unexpected +difficulty. Dr. Johnson in fact, appears sometimes to be of the same +opinion (how consistently I shall not now enquire), especially when he +observes, "that Thomson looked on nature with the eye which she only +gives to a poet." + +But, though it should be allowed that books may produce some poets, I +fear they will never be the poets who charm our cares to sleep, or extort +admiration. They may diffuse taste, and polish the language; but I am +inclined to conclude that they will seldom rouse the passions, or amend +the heart. + +And, to return to the first subject of discussion, the reason why most +people are more interested by a scene described by a poet, than by a +view of nature, probably arises from the want of a lively imagination. +The poet contracts the prospect, and, selecting the most picturesque part +in his _camera_, the judgment is directed, and the whole force of the +languid faculty turned towards the objects which excited the most +forcible emotions in the poet's heart; the reader consequently feels the +enlivened description, though he was not able to receive a first +impression from the operations of his own mind. + +Besides, it may be further observed, that gross minds are only to be +moved by forcible representations. To rouse the thoughtless, objects must +be presented, calculated to produce tumultuous emotions; the +unsubstantial, picturesque forms which a contemplative man gazes on, and +often follows with ardour till he is mocked by a glimpse of unattainable +excellence, appear to them the light vapours of a dreaming enthusiast, +who gives up the substance for the shadow. It is not within that they +seek amusement; their eyes are seldom turned on themselves; consequently +their emotions, though sometimes fervid, are always transient, and the +nicer perceptions which distinguish the man of genuine taste, are not +felt, or make such a slight impression as scarcely to excite any +pleasurable sensations. Is it surprising then that they are often +overlooked, even by those who are delighted by the same images +concentrated by the poet? + +But even this numerous class is exceeded, by witlings, who, anxious to +appear to have wit and taste, do not allow their understandings or +feelings any liberty; for, instead of cultivating their faculties and +reflecting on their operations, they are busy collecting prejudices; and +are predetermined to admire what the suffrage of time announces as +excellent, not to store up a fund of amusement for themselves, but to +enable them to talk. + +These hints will assist the reader to trace some of the causes why the +beauties of nature are not forcibly felt, when civilization, or rather +luxury, has made considerable advances--those calm sensations are not +sufficiently lively to serve as a relaxation to the voluptuary, or even +to the moderate pursuer of artificial pleasures. In the present state of +society, the understanding must bring back the feelings to nature, or the +sensibility must have such native strength, as rather to be whetted than +destroyed by the strong exercises of passion. + +That the most valuable things are liable to the greatest perversion, is +however as trite as true:--for the same sensibility, or quickness of +senses, which makes a man relish the tranquil scenes of nature, when +sensation, rather than reason, imparts delight, frequently makes a +libertine of him, by leading him to prefer the sensual tumult of love a +little refined by sentiment, to the calm pleasures of affectionate +friendship, in whose sober satisfactions, reason, mixing her +tranquillizing convictions, whispers, that content, not happiness, is the +reward of virtue in this world. + + + + +HINTS. + +[_Chiefly designed to have been incorporated in the Second Part of the_ +Vindication of the Rights of Woman.] + + +HINTS. + + +1. + +INDOLENCE is the source of nervous complaints, and a whole host of cares. +This devil might say that his name was legion. + + +2. + +It should be one of the employments of women of fortune, to visit +hospitals, and superintend the conduct of inferiors. + + +3. + +It is generally supposed, that the imagination of women is particularly +active, and leads them astray. Why then do we seek by education only to +exercise their imagination and feeling, till the understanding, grown +rigid by disuse, is unable to exercise itself--and the superfluous +nourishment the imagination and feeling have received, renders the former +romantic, and the latter weak? + + +4. + +Few men have risen to any great eminence in learning, who have not +received something like a regular education. Why are women expected to +surmount difficulties that men are not equal to? + + +5. + +Nothing can be more absurd than the ridicule of the critic, that the +heroine of his mock-tragedy was in love with the very man whom she ought +least to have loved; he could not have given a better reason. How can +passion gain strength any other way? In Otaheite, love cannot be known, +where the obstacles to irritate an indiscriminate appetite, and sublimate +the simple sensations of desire till they mount to passion, are never +known. There a man or woman cannot love the very person they ought not to +have loved--nor does jealousy ever fan the flame. + + +6. + +It has frequently been observed, that, when women have an object in view, +they pursue it with more steadiness than men, particularly love. This is +not a compliment. Passion pursues with more heat than reason, and with +most ardour during the absence of reason. + + +7. + +Men are more subject to the physical love than women. The confined +education of women makes them more subject to jealousy. + + +8. + +Simplicity seems, in general, the consequence of ignorance, as I have +observed in the characters of women and sailors--the being confined to +one track of impressions. + + +9. + +I know of no other way of preserving the chastity of mankind, than that +of rendering women rather objects of love than desire. The difference is +great. Yet, while women are encouraged to ornament their persons at the +expence of their minds, while indolence renders them helpless and +lascivious (for what other name can be given to the common intercourse +between the sexes?) they will be, generally speaking, only objects of +desire; and, to such women, men cannot be constant. Men, accustomed only +to have their senses moved, merely seek for a selfish gratification in +the society of women, and their sexual instinct, being neither supported +by the understanding nor the heart, must be excited by variety. + + +10. + +We ought to respect old opinions; though prejudices, blindly adopted, +lead to error, and preclude all exercise of the reason. + +The emulation which often makes a boy mischievous, is a generous spur; +and the old remark, that unlucky, turbulent boys, make the wisest and +best men, is true, spite of Mr. Knox's arguments. It has been observed, +that the most adventurous horses, when tamed or domesticated, are the +most mild and tractable. + + +11. + +The children who start up suddenly at twelve or fourteen, and fall into +decays, in consequence, as it is termed, of outgrowing their strength, +are in general, I believe, those children, who have been bred up with +mistaken tenderness, and not allowed to sport and take exercise in the +open air. This is analogous to plants: for it is found that they run up +sickly, long stalks, when confined. + + +12. + +Children should be taught to feel deference, not to practise submission. + + +13. + +It is always a proof of false refinement, when a fastidious taste +overpowers sympathy. + + +14. + +Lust appears to be the most natural companion of wild ambition; and love +of human praise, of that dominion erected by cunning. + + +15. + +"Genius decays as judgment increases." Of course, those who have the +least genius, have the earliest appearance of wisdom. + + +16. + +A knowledge of the fine arts, is seldom subservient to the promotion of +either religion or virtue. Elegance is often indecency; witness our +prints. + + +17. + +There does not appear to be any evil in the world, but what is necessary. +The doctrine of rewards and punishments, not considered as a means of +reformation, appears to me an infamous libel on divine goodness. + + +18. + +Whether virtue is founded on reason or revelation, virtue is wisdom, and +vice is folly. Why are positive punishments? + + +19. + +Few can walk alone. The staff of Christianity is the necessary support of +human weakness. But an acquaintance with the nature of man and virtue, +with just sentiments on the attributes, would be sufficient, without a +voice from heaven, to lead some to virtue, but not the mob. + + +20. + +I only expect the natural reward of virtue, whatever it may be. I rely +not on a positive reward. + +The justice of God can be vindicated by a belief in a future state--but +a continuation of being vindicates it as clearly, as the positive system +of rewards and punishments--by evil educing good for the individual, and +not for an imaginary whole. The happiness of the whole must arise from +the happiness of the constituent parts, or this world is not a state of +trial, but a school. + + +21. + +The vices acquired by Augustus to retain his power, must have tainted his +soul, and prevented that increase of happiness a good man expects in the +next stage of existence. This was a natural punishment. + + +22. + +The lover is ever most deeply enamoured, when it is with he knows not +what--and the devotion of a mystic has a rude Gothic grandeur in it, +which the respectful adoration of a philosopher will never reach. I may +be thought fanciful; but it has continually occurred to me, that, though, +I allow, reason in this world is the mother of wisdom--yet some flights +of the imagination seem to reach what wisdom cannot teach--and, while +they delude us here, afford a glorious hope, if not a foretaste, of what +we may expect hereafter. He that created us, did not mean to mark us with +ideal images of grandeur, the _baseless fabric of a vision_--No--that +perfection we follow with hopeless ardour when the whisperings of reason +are heard, may be found, when not incompatible with our state, in the +round of eternity. Perfection indeed must, even then, be a comparative +idea--but the wisdom, the happiness of a superior state, has been +supposed to be intuitive, and the happiest effusions of human genius have +seemed like inspiration--the deductions of reason destroy sublimity. + + +23. + +I am more and more convinced, that poetry is the first effervescence of +the imagination, and the forerunner of civilization. + + +24. + +When the Arabs had no trace of literature or science, they composed +beautiful verses on the subjects of love and war. The flights of the +imagination, and the laboured deductions of reason, appear almost +incompatible. + + +25. + +Poetry certainly flourishes most in the first rude state of society. The +passions speak most eloquently, when they are not shackled by reason. +The sublime expression, which has been so often quoted, [Genesis, ch. 1, +ver. 3.] is perhaps a barbarous flight; or rather the grand conception of +an uncultivated mind; for it is contrary to nature and experience, to +suppose that this account is founded on facts--It is doubtless a sublime +allegory. But a cultivated mind would not thus have described the +creation--for, arguing from analogy, it appears that creation must have +been a comprehensive plan, and that the Supreme Being always uses second +causes, slowly and silently to fulfil his purpose. This is, in reality, a +more sublime view of that power which wisdom supports: but it is not the +sublimity that would strike the impassioned mind, in which the +imagination took place of intellect. Tell a being, whose affections and +passions have been more exercised than his reason, that God said, _Let +there be light! and there was light_; and he would prostrate himself +before the Being who could thus call things out of nothing, as if they +were: but a man in whom reason had taken place of passion, would not +adore, till wisdom was conspicuous as well as power, for his admiration +must be founded on principle. + + +26. + +Individuality is ever conspicuous in those enthusiastic flights of fancy, +in which reason is left behind, without being lost sight of. + + +27. + +The mind has been too often brought to the test of enquiries which only +reach to matter--put into the crucible, though the magnetic and electric +fluid escapes from the experimental philosopher. + + +28. + +Mr. Kant has observed, that the understanding is sublime, the imagination +beautiful--yet it is evident, that poets, and men who undoubtedly possess +the liveliest imagination, are most touched by the sublime, while men who +have cold, enquiring minds, have not this exquisite feeling in any great +degree, and indeed seem to lose it as they cultivate their reason. + + +29. + +The Grecian buildings are graceful--they fill the mind with all those +pleasing emotions, which elegance and beauty never fail to excite in a +cultivated mind--utility and grace strike us in unison--the mind is +satisfied--things appear just what they ought to be: a calm satisfaction +is felt, but the imagination has nothing to do--no obscurity darkens the +gloom--like reasonable content, we can say why we are pleased--and this +kind of pleasure may be lasting, but it is never great. + + +30. + +When we say that a person is an original, it is only to say in other +words that he thinks. "The less a man has cultivated his rational +faculties, the more powerful is the principle of imitation, over his +actions, and his habits of thinking. Most women, of course, are more +influenced by the behaviour, the fashions, and the opinions of those with +whom they associate, than men." (Smellie.) + +When we read a book which supports our favourite opinions, how eagerly do +we suck in the doctrines, and suffer our minds placidly to reflect the +images which illustrate the tenets we have embraced? We indolently or +quietly acquiesce in the conclusion, and our spirit animates and connects +the various subjects. But, on the contrary, when we peruse a skilful +writer, who does not coincide in opinion with us, how is the mind on the +watch to detect fallacy? And this coolness often prevents our being +carried away by a stream of eloquence, which the prejudiced mind terms +declamation--a pomp of words.--We never allow ourselves to be warmed; +and, after contending with the writer, are more confirmed in our own +opinion, as much perhaps from a spirit of contradiction as from +reason.--Such is the strength of man! + + +31. + +It is the individual manner of seeing and feeling, pourtrayed by a strong +imagination in bold images that have struck the senses, which creates +all the charms of poetry. A great reader is always quoting the +description of another's emotions; a strong imagination delights to paint +its own. A writer of genius makes us feel; an inferior author reason. + + +32. + +Some principle prior to self-love must have existed: the feeling which +produced the pleasure, must have existed before the experience. + + +THE END. + + +Transcriber's Notes: + +1. Obvious punctuation errors repaired. + +2. This text contains blank space and lines of "--" and "*" characters. +These are replicated from the printed pages, presumably they indicate +censored text from the original source. + +3. The listed errata at the beginning of Volume 1 and Volume 4 have been +applied to the text. + +4. The text as printed used incipits and 'long s' font. The incipits have +not been replicated in this version, but can be viewed on 'long s' HTML +version of the text or the page images linked from the HTML versions. + +5. Corrections: +Volume 1, Page 33, "accuteness" changed to "acuteness" +Volume 1, Page 51, "unfortutunate" changed to "unfortunate" +Volume 1, Page 57, "resource" changed to "recourse" +Volume 1, Page 90, "hunted" changed to "shunted" +Volume 1, Page 103, "carreer" changed to "career" +Volume 1, Page 161, "plased" changed to "pleased" +Volume 2, Page 116, "and and" changed to "and" +Volume 3, Page 35, "a r" changed to "air" +Volume 3, Page 81, "he he" changed to "he" +Volume 3, Page 120, "explananations" changed to "explanations" + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Posthumous Works, by Mary Wollstonecraft + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK POSTHUMOUS WORKS *** + +***** This file should be named 23233-8.txt or 23233-8.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/3/2/3/23233/ + +Produced by Jonathan Ingram, Online Distributed Proofreading +Team at http://www.pgdp.net and the booksmiths at +http://www.eBookForge.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Posthumous Works + of the Author of A Vindication of the Rights of Woman + +Author: Mary Wollstonecraft + +Editor: William Godwin + +Release Date: October 29, 2007 [EBook #23233] +Last Updated: May 4, 2018 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK POSTHUMOUS WORKS *** + + + + +Produced by Jonathan Ingram, Online Distributed Proofreading +Team at http://www.pgdp.net and the booksmiths at +http://www.eBookForge.net + +HTML file revised by David Widger + + + + + +</pre> + + +<h1>POSTHUMOUS WORKS</h1> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h3>OF</h3> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h2>MARY WOLLSTONECRAFT GODWIN.</h2> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + +<h1>AUTHOR</h1> + +<h3>OF A</h3> + +<h2>VINDICATION OF THE RIGHTS OF WOMAN.</h2> +<p> </p> +<h2>IN FOUR VOLUMES.</h2> +<p> </p> +<hr /> +<p> </p> +<h4><i>LONDON:</i></h4> + +<h5>PRINTED FOR J. JOHNSON, NO. 72, ST. PAUL'S<br /> + CHURCH-YARD; AND G. G. AND J. ROBINSON,<br /> + PATERNOSTER-ROW.<br /> + 1798.</h5> + + +<hr class="full" /> +<h2>CONTENTS</h2> +<h3>Modern Text</h3> +<p class="center"><span class="smcap"> +<a href="#V1">VOL. I.</a> and +<a href="#V2">II.</a></span></p> + +<p class="center">The Wrongs of Woman, or Maria; a Fragment: +to which is added, the First Book +of a Series of Lessons for Children.</p> + +<p class="center"><span class="smcap"> +<a href="#V3">VOL. III.</a> and +<a href="#V4">IV.</a></span></p> + +<p class="center">Letters and Miscellaneous Pieces.</p> + +<h3>Text in 'Long S' Format</h3> +<p class="center"><span class="smcap"> +<a href="#V1S">VOL. I.</a> and +<a href="#V2S">II.</a></span></p> + +<p class="center">The Wrongs of Woman, or Maria; a Fragment: +to which is added, the Firſt Book +of a Series of Leſſons for Children.</p> + +<p class="center"><span class="smcap"> +<a href="#V3S">VOL. III.</a> and +<a href="#V4S">IV.</a></span></p> + +<p class="center">Letters and Miſcellaneous Pieces.</p> + +<hr class="full" /> + +<div class='tnote'><h3>Transcriber's Notes</h3> +<p><b>1.</b> Corrections which have been made are indicated by dotted lines under +the corrected text. +Scroll the mouse over the word and the original text will <ins class="err" +title="Transcriber's Note: original reads 'apprear'">appear</ins>.</p> + +<p><b>2.</b> This text contains blank space and lines of "——" and "*" characters. +These are replicated from the printed pages, presumably they indicate censored text from +the original source.</p> + +<p><b>3.</b> The listed errata at the beginning of Volume 1 and Volume 4 have been applied +to the text.</p> + +<p><b>4.</b> The text as printed used incipits and long s font. The incipits have not +been replicated in this version, but can be viewed on the page images. A version of +the text containing the long s font has been made available.</p> +</div> + + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-i" id="APg_1-i"></a>[<a href="images/v1-i.png">i</a>]</span></p> + +<h1><a name="V1" id="V1"></a>POSTHUMOUS WORKS</h1> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h3>OF</h3> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h2>MARY WOLLSTONECRAFT GODWIN.</h2> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h2>VOL. I.</h2> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-ii" id="APg_1-ii"></a>[<a href="images/v1-ii.png">ii</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-iii" id="APg_1-iii"></a>[<a href="images/v1-iii.png">iii</a>]</span></p> + +<hr class="full" /> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h1>POSTHUMOUS WORKS</h1> + +<h3>OF THE</h3> + +<h1>AUTHOR</h1> + +<h3>OF A</h3> + +<h2>VINDICATION OF THE RIGHTS OF WOMAN.</h2> +<p> </p> +<h2>IN FOUR VOLUMES.</h2> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<hr /> +<p> </p> +<h1>VOL. I.</h1> +<p> </p> +<hr /> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h4><i>LONDON:</i></h4> + +<h5>PRINTED FOR J. JOHNSON, NO. 72, ST. PAUL'S<br /> + CHURCH-YARD; AND G. G. AND J. ROBINSON,<br /> + PATERNOSTER-ROW.<br /> + 1798.</h5> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-iv" id="APg_1-iv"></a>[<a href="images/v1-iv.png">iv</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-v" id="APg_1-v"></a>[<a href="images/v1-v.png">v</a>]</span></p> +<hr class="full" /> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h3>THE</h3> + +<h1>WRONGS OF WOMAN:</h1> + +<h3>OR,</h3> + +<h1>MARIA.</h1> + +<h2>A FRAGMENT.</h2> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h2>IN TWO VOLUMES.</h2> +<p> </p> +<hr /> +<p> </p> +<h1>VOL. I.</h1> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-vi" id="APg_1-vi"></a>[<a href="images/v1-vi.png">vi</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-vii" id="APg_1-vii"></a>[<a href="images/v1-vii.png">vii</a>]</span></p> + +<hr class="full" /> +<h2><a name="AV1_PREFACE" id="AV1_PREFACE"></a>PREFACE.</h2> + +<p><span class="smcap">The</span> public are here presented with +the last literary attempt of an author, +whose fame has been uncommonly extensive, +and whose talents have probably +been most admired, by the persons +by whom talents are estimated +with the greatest accuracy and discrimination. +There are few, to whom +her writings could in any case have<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-viii" id="APg_1-viii"></a>[<a href="images/v1-viii.png">viii</a>]</span> +given pleasure, that would have wished +that this fragment should have been +suppressed, because it is a fragment. +There is a sentiment, very dear to minds +of taste and imagination, that finds a +melancholy delight in contemplating +these unfinished productions of genius, +these sketches of what, if they had +been filled up in a manner adequate to +the writer's conception, would perhaps +have given a new impulse to the +manners of a world.</p> + +<p>The purpose and structure of the +following work, had long formed a +favourite subject of meditation with +its author, and she judged them capable +of producing an important effect.<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-ix" id="APg_1-ix"></a>[<a href="images/v1-ix.png">ix</a>]</span> +The composition had been in progress +for a period of twelve months. She +was anxious to do justice to her conception, +and recommenced and revised +the manuscript several different times. +So much of it as is here given to the +public, she was far from considering +as finished, and, in a letter to a friend +directly written on this subject, she +says, "I am perfectly aware that some of +the incidents ought to be transposed, +and heightened by more harmonious +shading; and I wished in some degree +to avail myself of criticism, before I +began to adjust my events into a story, +the outline of which I had sketched in<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-x" id="APg_1-x"></a>[<a href="images/v1-x.png">x</a>]</span> +my mind<a name="AFNanchor_X-A_1" id="AFNanchor_X-A_1"></a><a href="#AFootnote_X-A_1" class="fnanchor">[x-A]</a>." The only friends to whom +the author communicated her manuscript, +were Mr. Dyson, the translator +of the Sorcerer, and the present editor; +and it was impossible for the most inexperienced +author to display a stronger +desire of profiting by the censures and +sentiments that might be suggested<a name="AFNanchor_X-B_2" id="AFNanchor_X-B_2"></a><a href="#AFootnote_X-B_2" class="fnanchor">[x-B]</a>.</p> + +<p>In revising these sheets for the press, +it was necessary for the editor, in some +places, to connect the more finished<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-xi" id="APg_1-xi"></a>[<a href="images/v1-xi.png">xi</a>]</span> +parts with the pages of an older copy, +and a line or two in addition sometimes +appeared requisite for that purpose. +Wherever such a liberty has been +taken, the additional phrases will be +found inclosed in brackets; it being +the editor's most earnest desire, to +intrude nothing of himself into the +work, but to give to the public the +words, as well as ideas, of the real +author.</p> + +<p>What follows in the ensuing pages, +is not a preface regularly drawn out +by the author, but merely hints for a +preface, which, though never filled up +in the manner the writer intended, +appeared to be worth preserving.</p> + +<p class="right">W. GODWIN.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-xii" id="APg_1-xii"></a>[<a href="images/v1-xii.png">xii</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-xiii" id="APg_1-xiii"></a>[<a href="images/v1-xiii.png">xiii</a>]</span></p> +<h2><a name="AAUTHORs_PREFACE" id="AAUTHORs_PREFACE"></a><span class="smcap">AUTHOR's PREFACE.</span></h2> + + +<p><span class="smcap">The</span> Wrongs of Woman, like the +wrongs of the oppressed part of mankind, +may be deemed necessary by +their oppressors: but surely there are +a few, who will dare to advance before +the improvement of the age, and +grant that my sketches are not the +abortion of a distempered fancy, or +the strong delineations of a wounded +heart.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-xiv" id="APg_1-xiv"></a>[<a href="images/v1-xiv.png">xiv</a>]</span>In writing this novel, I have rather +endeavoured to pourtray passions than +manners.</p> + +<p>In many instances I could have made +the incidents more dramatic, would I +have sacrificed my main object, the +desire of exhibiting the misery and +oppression, peculiar to women, that +arise out of the partial laws and customs +of society.</p> + +<p>In the invention of the story, this +view restrained my fancy; and the +history ought rather to be considered, +as of woman, than of an individual.</p> + +<p>The sentiments I have embodied.</p> + +<p>In many works of this species, the +hero is allowed to be mortal, and to<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-xv" id="APg_1-xv"></a>[<a href="images/v1-xv.png">xv</a>]</span> +become wise and virtuous as well as +happy, by a train of events and circumstances. +The heroines, on the +contrary, are to be born immaculate; +and to act like goddesses of wisdom, just +come forth highly finished Minervas +from the head of Jove.</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p>[The following is an extract of a +letter from the author to a friend, to +whom she communicated her manuscript.]</p> + +<hr /> + +<p>For my part, I cannot suppose any +situation more distressing, than for a<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-xvi" id="APg_1-xvi"></a>[<a href="images/v1-xvi.png">xvi</a>]</span> +woman of sensibility, with an improving +mind, to be bound to such a man +as I have described for life; obliged +to renounce all the humanizing affections, +and to avoid cultivating her +taste, lest her perception of grace and +refinement of sentiment, should sharpen +to agony the pangs of disappointment. +Love, in which the imagination +mingles its bewitching colouring, +must be fostered by delicacy. I should +despise, or rather call her an ordinary +woman, who could endure such a husband +as I have sketched.</p> + +<p>These appear to me (matrimonial +despotism of heart and conduct) to be +the peculiar Wrongs of Woman, be<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-xvii" id="APg_1-xvii"></a>[<a href="images/v1-xvii.png">xvii</a>]</span>cause +they degrade the mind. What +are termed great misfortunes, may +more forcibly impress the mind of common +readers; they have more of what +may justly be termed <i>stage-effect</i>; but +it is the delineation of finer sensations, +which, in my opinion, constitutes the +merit of our best novels. This is what +I have in view; and to show the +wrongs of different classes of women, +equally oppressive, though, from the +difference of education, necessarily +various.</p> + +<div class="footnotes"><h3>FOOTNOTES:</h3> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="AFootnote_X-A_1" id="AFootnote_X-A_1"></a><a href="#AFNanchor_X-A_1"><span class="label">[x-A]</span></a> A more copious extract of this letter is subjoined +to the author's preface.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="AFootnote_X-B_2" id="AFootnote_X-B_2"></a><a href="#AFNanchor_X-B_2"><span class="label">[x-B]</span></a> The part communicated consisted of the +first fourteen chapters.</p></div> +</div> + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-xviii" id="APg_1-xviii"></a>[<a href="images/v1-xviii.png">xviii</a>]</span></p> +<h2><a name="AERRATA" id="AERRATA"></a>ERRATA.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>Page 3, line 2, <i>dele</i> half.</p> + +<p>P. 81 and 118, <i>for</i> brackets [—], <i>read</i> +inverted commas " thus "</p></div> + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-xix" id="APg_1-xix"></a>[<a href="images/v1-xix.png">xix</a>]</span></p> +<h2><a name="AV1_CONTENTS" id="AV1_CONTENTS"></a>CONTENTS.</h2> + +<p class="center"><span class="smcap"><a href="#V1">VOL. I.</a> and <a href="#V2">II.</a></span></p> + +<p class="center">The Wrongs of Woman, or Maria; a Fragment: +to which is added, the First Book +of a Series of Lessons for Children.</p> + +<p class="center"><span class="smcap"><a href="#V3">VOL. III.</a> and <a href="#V4">IV.</a></span></p> +. +<p class="center">Letters and Miscellaneous Pieces.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-xx" id="APg_1-xx"></a>[<a href="images/v1-xx.png">xx</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-1" id="APg_1-1"></a>[<a href="images/v1-1.png">1</a>]</span></p> + +<hr class="full" /> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h3><a name="AV1_WRONGS" id="AV1_WRONGS"></a><i>WRONGS</i></h3> +<p> </p> +<h3>OF</h3> +<p> </p> +<h2>WOMAN.</h2> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + +<hr /> + +<h2><a name="ACHAP_I" id="ACHAP_I"></a>CHAP. I.</h2> + +<p><span class="smcap">Abodes</span> of horror have frequently +been described, and castles, filled with +spectres and chimeras, conjured up by +the magic spell of genius to harrow the +soul, and absorb the wondering mind. +But, formed of such stuff as dreams are +made of, what were they to the mansion +of despair, in one corner of which +Maria sat, endeavouring to recal her +scattered thoughts!</p> + +<p>Surprise, astonishment, that bordered +on distraction, seemed to have suspend<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-2" id="APg_1-2"></a>[<a href="images/v1-2.png">2</a>]</span>ed +her faculties, till, waking by degrees +to a keen sense of anguish, a +whirlwind of rage and indignation +roused her torpid pulse. One recollection +with frightful velocity following +another, threatened to fire her brain, +and make her a fit companion for the +terrific inhabitants, whose groans and +shrieks were no unsubstantial sounds of +whistling winds, or startled birds, modulated +by a romantic fancy, which +amuse while they affright; but such +tones of misery as carry a dreadful certainty +directly to the heart. What +effect must they then have produced on +one, true to the touch of sympathy, and +tortured by maternal apprehension<ins class="err" title="Transcriber's Note: original reads '.!'">!</ins></p> + +<p>Her infant's image was continually +floating on Maria's sight, and the first +smile of intelligence remembered, as +none but a mother, an unhappy mo<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-3" id="APg_1-3"></a>[<a href="images/v1-3.png">3</a>]</span>ther, +can conceive. She heard her half +<ins class="err" title="Transcriber's Note: Errata: original reads 'speaking half'">speaking</ins> cooing, and felt the little +twinkling fingers on her burning bosom—a +bosom bursting with the nutriment +for which this cherished child +might now be pining in vain. From +a stranger she could indeed receive the +maternal aliment, Maria was grieved +at the thought—but who would watch +her with a mother's tenderness, a mother's +self-denial?</p> + +<p>The retreating shadows of former +sorrows rushed back in a gloomy train, +and seemed to be pictured on the walls +of her prison, magnified by the state +of mind in which they were viewed—Still +she mourned for her child, lamented +she was a daughter, and anticipated +the aggravated ills of life that her sex +rendered almost inevitable, even while +dreading she was no more. To think<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-4" id="APg_1-4"></a>[<a href="images/v1-4.png">4</a>]</span> +that she was blotted out of existence +was agony, when the imagination had +been long employed to expand her +faculties; yet to suppose her turned +adrift on an unknown sea, was scarcely +less afflicting.</p> + +<p>After being two days the prey of impetuous, +varying emotions, Maria began +to reflect more calmly on her present +situation, for she had actually been rendered +incapable of sober reflection, by +the discovery of the act of atrocity of +which she was the victim. She could +not have imagined, that, in all the fermentation +of civilized depravity, a similar +plot could have entered a human +mind. She had been stunned by an unexpected +blow; yet life, however joyless, +was not to be indolently resigned, +or misery endured without exertion, +and proudly termed patience. She<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-5" id="APg_1-5"></a>[<a href="images/v1-5.png">5</a>]</span> +had hitherto meditated only to point +the dart of anguish, and suppressed +the heart heavings of indignant nature +merely by the force of contempt. Now +she endeavoured to brace her mind to +fortitude, and to ask herself what was +to be her employment in her dreary +cell? Was it not to effect her escape, +to fly to the succour of her child, and +to baffle the selfish schemes of her tyrant—her +husband?</p> + +<p>These thoughts roused her sleeping +spirit, and the self-possession returned, +that seemed to have abandoned her in +the infernal solitude into which she +had been precipitated. The first emotions +of overwhelming impatience began +to subside, and resentment gave +place to tenderness, and more tranquil +meditation; though anger once more +stopt the calm current of reflection<ins class="err" title="Transcriber's Note: original reads '.'">,</ins><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-6" id="APg_1-6"></a>[<a href="images/v1-6.png">6</a>]</span> +when she attempted to move her manacled +arms. But this was an outrage +that could only excite momentary feelings +of scorn, which evaporated in a +faint smile; for Maria was far from +thinking a personal insult the most difficult +to endure with magnanimous indifference.</p> + +<p>She approached the small grated +window of her chamber, and for a +considerable time only regarded the +blue expanse; though it commanded +a view of a desolate garden, and of +part of a huge pile of buildings, that, +after having been suffered, for half a +century, to fall to decay, had undergone +some clumsy repairs, merely to +render it habitable. The ivy had been +torn off the turrets, and the stones not +wanted to patch up the breaches of +time, and exclude the warring ele<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-7" id="APg_1-7"></a>[<a href="images/v1-7.png">7</a>]</span>ments, +left in heaps in the disordered +court. Maria contemplated this scene +she knew not how long; or rather +gazed on the walls, and pondered on +her situation. To the master of this +most horrid of prisons, she had, soon +after her entrance, raved of injustice, +in accents that would have justified +his treatment, had not a malignant +smile, when she appealed to his judgment, +with a dreadful conviction stifled +her remonstrating complaints. By +force, or openly, what could be done? +But surely some expedient might occur +to an active mind, without any other +employment, and possessed of sufficient +resolution to put the risk of life into +the balance with the chance of freedom.</p> + +<p>A woman entered in the midst of +these reflections, with a firm, deliberate<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-8" id="APg_1-8"></a>[<a href="images/v1-8.png">8</a>]</span> +step, strongly marked features, and +large black eyes, which she fixed +steadily on Maria's, as if she designed +to intimidate her, saying at the same +time—"You had better sit down and +eat your dinner, than look at the +clouds."</p> + +<p>"I have no appetite," replied Maria, +who had previously determined to +speak mildly, "why then should I +eat?"</p> + +<p>"But, in spite of that, you must +and shall eat something. I have had +many ladies under my care, who have +resolved to starve themselves; but, soon +or late, they gave up their intent, as +they recovered their senses."</p> + +<p>"Do you really think me mad?" +asked Maria, meeting the searching +glance of her eye.</p> + +<p>"Not just now. But what does<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-9" id="APg_1-9"></a>[<a href="images/v1-9.png">9</a>]</span> +that prove?—only that you must be +the more carefully watched, for appearing +at times so reasonable. You +have not touched a morsel since you +entered the house."—Maria sighed intelligibly.—"Could +any thing but madness +produce such a disgust for food?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, grief; you would not ask +the question if you knew what it +was." The attendant shook her head; +and a ghastly smile of desperate fortitude +served as a forcible reply, and +made Maria pause, before she added—"Yet +I will take some refreshment: +I mean not to die.—No; I will preserve +my senses; and convince even +you, sooner than you are aware of, +that my intellects have never been disturbed, +though the exertion of them +may have been suspended by some infernal +drug."</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-10" id="APg_1-10"></a>[<a href="images/v1-10.png">10</a>]</span> +Doubt gathered still thicker on the +brow of her guard, as she attempted +to convict her of mistake.</p> + +<p>"Have patience!" exclaimed Maria, +with a solemnity that inspired awe. +"My God! how have I been schooled +into the practice!" A suffocation of +voice betrayed the agonizing emotions +she was labouring to keep down; and +conquering a qualm of disgust, she +calmly endeavoured to eat enough to +prove her docility, perpetually turning +to the suspicious female, whose observation +she courted, while she was +making the bed and adjusting the +room.</p> + +<p>"Come to me often," said Maria, +with a tone of persuasion, in consequence +of a vague plan that she had +hastily adopted, when, after surveying +this woman's form and features, she<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-11" id="APg_1-11"></a>[<a href="images/v1-11.png">11</a>]</span> +felt convinced that she had an understanding +above the common standard; +"and believe me mad, till you are +obliged to acknowledge the contrary." +The woman was no fool, that is, she +was superior to her class; nor had +misery quite petrified the life's-blood +of humanity, to which reflections on +our own misfortunes only give a more +orderly course. The manner, rather +than the expostulations, of Maria +made a slight suspicion dart into her +mind with corresponding sympathy, +which various other avocations, and +the habit of banishing compunction, +prevented her, for the present, from +examining more minutely.</p> + +<p>But when she was told that no person, +excepting the physician appointed by +her family, was to be permitted to see +the lady at the end of the gallery, she<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-12" id="APg_1-12"></a>[<a href="images/v1-12.png">12</a>]</span> +opened her keen eyes still wider, and +uttered a—"hem!" before she enquired—"Why?" +She was briefly told, in +reply, that the malady was hereditary, +and the fits not occurring but at very +long and irregular intervals, she must +be carefully watched; for the length of +these lucid periods only rendered her +more mischievous, when any vexation +or caprice brought on the paroxysm of +phrensy.</p> + +<p>Had her master trusted her, it is +probable that neither pity nor curiosity +would have made her swerve from the +straight line of her interest; for she +had suffered too much in her intercourse +with mankind, not to determine +to look for support, rather to humouring +their passions, than courting +their approbation by the integrity of +her conduct. A deadly blight had met<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-13" id="APg_1-13"></a>[<a href="images/v1-13.png">13</a>]</span> +her at the very threshold of existence; +and the wretchedness of her mother +seemed a heavy weight fastened on her +innocent neck, to drag her down to +perdition. She could not heroically +determine to succour an unfortunate; +but, offended at the bare supposition +that she could be deceived with the +same ease as a common servant, she +no longer curbed her curiosity; and, +though she never seriously fathomed +her own intentions, she would sit, every +moment she could steal from observation, +listening to the tale, which Maria +was eager to relate with all the persuasive +eloquence of grief.</p> + +<p>It is so cheering to see a human +face, even if little of the divinity of +virtue beam in it, that Maria anxiously +expected the return of the attendant, +as of a gleam of light to break the<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-14" id="APg_1-14"></a>[<a href="images/v1-14.png">14</a>]</span> +gloom of idleness. Indulged sorrow; +she perceived, must blunt or sharpen +the faculties to the two opposite extremes; +producing stupidity, the moping +melancholy of indolence; or the +restless activity of a disturbed imagination. +She sunk into one state, after +being fatigued by the other: till the +want of occupation became even more +painful than the actual pressure or apprehension +of sorrow; and the confinement +that froze her into a nook of +existence, with an unvaried prospect +before her, the most insupportable of +evils. The lamp of life seemed to be +spending itself to chase the vapours of +a dungeon which no art could dissipate.—And +to what purpose did she +rally all her energy?—Was not the +world a vast prison, and women born +slaves?</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-15" id="APg_1-15"></a>[<a href="images/v1-15.png">15</a>]</span> +Though she failed immediately to +rouse a lively sense of injustice in the +mind of her guard, because it had +been sophisticated into misanthropy, +she touched her heart. Jemima (she +had only a claim to a Christian name, +which had not procured her any Christian +privileges) could patiently hear of +Maria's confinement on false pretences; +she had felt the crushing hand of +power, hardened by the exercise of +injustice, and ceased to wonder at the +perversions of the understanding, which +systematize oppression; but, when told +that her child, only four months old, +had been torn from her, even while +she was discharging the tenderest maternal +office, the woman awoke in a +bosom long estranged from feminine +emotions, and Jemima determined to +alleviate all in her power, without ha<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-16" id="APg_1-16"></a>[<a href="images/v1-16.png">16</a>]</span>zarding +the loss of her place, the sufferings +of a wretched mother, apparently +injured, and certainly unhappy. +A sense of right seems to result from +the simplest act of reason, and to preside +over the faculties of the mind, +like the master-sense of feeling, to +rectify the rest; but (for the comparison +may be carried still farther) how +often is the exquisite sensibility of +both weakened or destroyed by the +vulgar occupations, and ignoble pleasures +of life?</p> + +<p>The preserving her situation was, +indeed, an important object to Jemima, +who had been hunted from hole +to hole, as if she had been a beast of +prey, or infected with a moral plague. +The wages she received, the greater +part of which she hoarded, as her only +chance for independence, were much<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-17" id="APg_1-17"></a>[<a href="images/v1-17.png">17</a>]</span> +more considerable than she could reckon +on obtaining any where else, were +it possible that she, an outcast from +society, could be permitted to earn a +subsistence in a reputable family. Hearing +Maria perpetually complain of listlessness, +and the not being able to beguile +grief by resuming her customary +pursuits, she was easily prevailed on, +by compassion, and that involuntary +respect for abilities, which those who +possess them can never eradicate, to +bring her some books and implements +for writing. Maria's conversation had +amused and interested her, and the natural +consequence was a desire, scarcely +observed by herself, of obtaining the +esteem of a person she admired. The +remembrance of better days was rendered +more lively; and the sentiments +then acquired appearing less romantic<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-18" id="APg_1-18"></a>[<a href="images/v1-18.png">18</a>]</span> +than they had for a long period, a +spark of hope roused her mind to new +activity.</p> + +<p>How grateful was her attention to +Maria! Oppressed by a dead weight +of existence, or preyed on by the +gnawing worm of discontent, with +what eagerness did she endeavour to +shorten the long days, which left no +traces behind! She seemed to be +sailing on the vast ocean of life, without +seeing any land-mark to indicate +the progress of time; to find employment +was then to find variety, the +animating principle of nature.</p> + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-19" id="APg_1-19"></a>[<a href="images/v1-19.png">19</a>]</span></p> +<h2><a name="ACHAP_II" id="ACHAP_II"></a>CHAP. II.</h2> + + +<p><span class="smcap">Earnestly</span> as Maria endeavoured +to soothe, by reading, the anguish +of her wounded mind, her thoughts +would often wander from the subject +she was led to discuss, and tears of +maternal tenderness obscured the reasoning +page. She descanted on "the +ills which flesh is heir to," with bitterness, +when the recollection of her +babe was revived by a tale of fictitious +woe, that bore any resemblance to her +own; and her imagination was continually +employed, to conjure up and +embody the various phantoms of misery, +which folly and vice had let loose +on the world. The loss of her babe +was the tender string; against other +cruel remembrances she laboured to<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-20" id="APg_1-20"></a>[<a href="images/v1-20.png">20</a>]</span> +steel her bosom; and even a ray of +hope, in the midst of her gloomy reveries, +would sometimes gleam on the +dark horizon of futurity, while persuading +herself that she ought to cease +to hope, since happiness was no where +to be found.—But of her child, debilitated +by the grief with which its +mother had been assailed before it saw +the light, she could not think without +an impatient struggle.</p> + +<p>"I, alone, by my active tenderness, +could have saved," she would exclaim, +"from an early blight, this sweet +blossom; and, cherishing it, I should +have had something still to love."</p> + +<p>In proportion as other expectations +were torn from her, this tender one +had been fondly clung to, and knit +into her heart.</p> + +<p>The books she had obtained, were<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-21" id="APg_1-21"></a>[<a href="images/v1-21.png">21</a>]</span> +soon devoured, by one who had no +other resource to escape from sorrow, +and the feverish dreams of ideal wretchedness +or felicity, which equally weaken +the intoxicated sensibility. Writing +was then the only alternative, and +she wrote some rhapsodies descriptive +of the state of her mind; but the +events of her past life pressing on her, +she resolved circumstantially to relate +them, with the sentiments that experience, +and more matured reason, +would naturally suggest. They might +perhaps instruct her daughter, and +shield her from the misery, the tyranny, +her mother knew not how to avoid.</p> + +<p>This thought gave life to her diction, +her soul flowed into it, and she soon +found the task of recollecting almost +obliterated impressions very interesting. +She lived again in the revived emo<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-22" id="APg_1-22"></a>[<a href="images/v1-22.png">22</a>]</span>tions +of youth, and forgot her present +in the retrospect of sorrows that had +assumed an unalterable character.</p> + +<p>Though this employment lightened +the weight of time, yet, never losing +sight of her main object, Maria did +not allow any opportunity to slip of +winning on the affections of Jemima; +for she discovered in her a strength of +mind, that excited her esteem, clouded +as it was by the misanthropy of despair.</p> + +<p>An insulated being, from the misfortune +of her birth, she despised and +preyed on the society by which she +had been oppressed, and loved not her +fellow-creatures, because she had never +been beloved. No mother had ever +fondled her, no father or brother had +protected her from outrage; and the +man who had plunged her into in<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-23" id="APg_1-23"></a>[<a href="images/v1-23.png">23</a>]</span>famy, +and deserted her when she stood +in greatest need of support, deigned +not to smooth with kindness the road +to ruin. Thus degraded, was she let +loose on the world; and virtue, never +nurtured by affection, assumed the stern +aspect of selfish independence.</p> + +<p>This general view of her life, Maria +gathered from her exclamations and +dry remarks. Jemima indeed displayed +a strange mixture of interest +and suspicion; for she would listen to +her with earnestness, and then suddenly +interrupt the conversation, as if +afraid of resigning, by giving way to +her sympathy, her dear-bought knowledge +of the world.</p> + +<p>Maria alluded to the possibility of +an escape, and mentioned a compensation, +or reward; but the style in which +she was repulsed made her cautious,<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-24" id="APg_1-24"></a>[<a href="images/v1-24.png">24</a>]</span> +and determine not to renew the subject, +till she knew more of the character +she had to work on. Jemima's +countenance, and dark hints, seemed +to say, "You are an extraordinary +woman; but let me consider, this may +only be one of your lucid intervals." +Nay, the very energy of Maria's character, +made her suspect that the extraordinary +animation she perceived +might be the effect of madness. "Should +her husband then substantiate his +charge, and get possession of her estate, +from whence would come the promised +annuity, or more desired protection? +Besides, might not a woman, anxious +to escape, conceal some of the circumstances +which made against her? Was +truth to be expected from one who +had been entrapped, kidnapped, in +the most fraudulent manner?"</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-25" id="APg_1-25"></a>[<a href="images/v1-25.png">25</a>]</span> +In this train Jemima continued to +argue, the moment after compassion +and respect seemed to make her swerve; +and she still resolved not to be wrought +on to do more than soften the rigour +of confinement, till she could advance +on surer ground.</p> + +<p>Maria was not permitted to walk in +the garden; but sometimes, from her +window, she turned her eyes from the +gloomy walls, in which she pined life +away, on the poor wretches who strayed +along the walks, and contemplated +the most terrific of ruins—that of a +human soul. What is the view of the +fallen column, the mouldering arch, of +the most exquisite workmanship, when +compared with this living memento of +the fragility, the instability, of reason, +and the wild luxuriancy of noxious +passions? Enthusiasm turned adrift,<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-26" id="APg_1-26"></a>[<a href="images/v1-26.png">26</a>]</span> +like some rich stream overflowing its +banks, rushes forward with destructive +velocity, inspiring a sublime concentration +of thought. Thus thought +Maria—These are the ravages over +which humanity must ever mournfully +ponder, with a degree of anguish not +excited by crumbling marble, or cankering +brass, unfaithful to the trust of +monumental fame. It is not over the +decaying productions of the mind, embodied +with the happiest art, we grieve +most bitterly. The view of what has +been done by man, produces a melancholy, +yet aggrandizing, sense of what +remains to be achieved by human intellect; +but a mental convulsion, which, +like the devastation of an earthquake, +throws all the elements of thought and +imagination into confusion, makes con<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-27" id="APg_1-27"></a>[<a href="images/v1-27.png">27</a>]</span>templation +giddy, and we fearfully ask +on what ground we ourselves stand.</p> + +<p>Melancholy and imbecility marked +the features of the wretches allowed to +breathe at large; for the frantic, those +who in a strong imagination had lost a +sense of woe, were closely confined. +The playful tricks and mischievous devices +of their disturbed fancy, that suddenly +broke out, could not be guarded +against, when they were permitted to +enjoy any portion of freedom; for, +so active was their imagination, that +every new object which accidentally +struck their senses, awoke to phrenzy +their restless passions; as Maria learned +from the burden of their incessant +ravings.</p> + +<p>Sometimes, with a strict injunction +of silence, Jemima would allow Maria,<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-28" id="APg_1-28"></a>[<a href="images/v1-28.png">28</a>]</span> +at the close of evening, to stray along +the narrow avenues that separated the +dungeon-like apartments, leaning on +her arm. What a change of scene! +Maria wished to pass the threshold of +her prison, yet, when by chance she +met the eye of rage glaring on her, yet +unfaithful to its office, she shrunk back +with more horror and affright, than if +she had stumbled over a mangled corpse. +Her busy fancy pictured the misery of a +fond heart, watching over a friend thus +estranged, absent, though present—over +a poor wretch lost to reason and the +social joys of existence; and losing all +consciousness of misery in its excess. +What a task, to watch the light of reason +quivering in the eye, or with agonizing +expectation to catch the beam of recollection; +tantalized by hope, only to +feel despair more keenly, at finding a<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-29" id="APg_1-29"></a>[<a href="images/v1-29.png">29</a>]</span> +much loved face or voice, suddenly remembered, +or pathetically implored, +only to be immediately forgotten, or +viewed with indifference or abhorrence!</p> + +<p>The heart-rending sigh of melancholy +sunk into her soul; and when she retired +to rest, the petrified figures she +had encountered, the only human forms +she was doomed to observe, haunting +her dreams with tales of mysterious +wrongs, made her wish to sleep to dream +no more.</p> + +<p>Day after day rolled away, and tedious +as the present moment appeared, +they passed in such an unvaried tenor, +Maria was surprised to find that she +had already been six weeks buried alive, +and yet had such faint hopes of effecting +her enlargement. She was, earnestly +as she had sought for employment,<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-30" id="APg_1-30"></a>[<a href="images/v1-30.png">30</a>]</span> +now angry with herself for having been +amused by writing her narrative; and +grieved to think that she had for an instant +thought of any thing, but contriving +to escape.</p> + +<p>Jemima had evidently pleasure in +her society: still, though she often left +her with a glow of kindness, she returned +with the same chilling air; and, +when her heart appeared for a moment +to open, some suggestion of reason forcibly +closed it, before she could give +utterance to the confidence Maria's +conversation inspired.</p> + +<p>Discouraged by these changes, Maria +relapsed into despondency, when she +was cheered by the alacrity with which +Jemima brought her a fresh parcel of +books; assuring her, that she had taken +some pains to obtain them from one of +the keepers, who attended a gentle<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-31" id="APg_1-31"></a>[<a href="images/v1-31.png">31</a>]</span>man +confined in the opposite corner of +the gallery.</p> + +<p>Maria took up the books with emotion. +"They come," said she, "perhaps, +from a wretch condemned, like +me, to reason on the nature of madness, +by having wrecked minds continually +under his eye; and almost to wish himself—as +I do—mad, to escape from the +contemplation of it." Her heart throbbed +with sympathetic alarm; and she +turned over the leaves with awe, as if +they had become sacred from passing +through the hands of an unfortunate +being, oppressed by a similar fate.</p> + +<p>Dryden's Fables, Milton's Paradise +Lost, with several modern productions, +composed the collection. It was a +mine of treasure. Some marginal notes, +in Dryden's Fables, caught her attention: +they were written with force<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-32" id="APg_1-32"></a>[<a href="images/v1-32.png">32</a>]</span> +and taste; and, in one of the modern +pamphlets, there was a fragment left, +containing various observations on the +present state of society and government, +with a comparative view of the +politics of Europe and America. These +remarks were written with a degree of +generous warmth, when alluding to the +enslaved state of the labouring majority, +perfectly in unison with Maria's mode +of thinking.</p> + +<p>She read them over and over again; +and fancy, treacherous fancy, began to +sketch a character, congenial with her +own, from these shadowy outlines.—"Was +he mad?" She re-perused the +marginal notes, and they seemed the +production of an animated, but not of a +disturbed imagination. Confined to +this speculation, every time she re-read +them, some fresh refinement of<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-33" id="APg_1-33"></a>[<a href="images/v1-33.png">33</a>]</span> +sentiment, or <ins class="err" title="Transcriber's Note: original reads 'accuteness'">acuteness</ins> of thought +impressed her, which she was astonished +at herself for not having before observed.</p> + +<p>What a creative power has an affectionate +heart! There are beings who +cannot live without loving, as poets +love; and who feel the electric spark +of genius, wherever it awakens sentiment +or grace. Maria had often thought, +when disciplining her wayward heart, +"that to charm, was to be virtuous." +"They who make me wish to appear +the most amiable and good in their eyes, +must possess in a degree," she would +exclaim, "the graces and virtues they +call into action."</p> + +<p>She took up a book on the powers of +the human mind; but, her attention +strayed from cold arguments on the +nature of what she felt, while she was<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-34" id="APg_1-34"></a>[<a href="images/v1-34.png">34</a>]</span> +feeling, and she snapt the chain of the +theory to read Dryden's Guiscard and +Sigismunda.</p> + +<p>Maria, in the course of the ensuing +day, returned some of the books, with +the hope of getting others—and more +marginal notes. Thus shut out from +human intercourse, and compelled to +view nothing but the prison of vexed +spirits, to meet a wretch in the same +situation, was more surely to find a +friend, than to imagine a countryman +one, in a strange land, where the human +voice conveys no information to +the eager ear.</p> + +<p>"Did you ever see the unfortunate +being to whom these books belong?" +asked Maria, when Jemima brought +her supper. "Yes. He sometimes +walks out, between five and six, before +the family is stirring, in the morning,<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-35" id="APg_1-35"></a>[<a href="images/v1-35.png">35</a>]</span> +with two keepers; but even then his +hands are confined."</p> + +<p>"What! is he so unruly?" enquired +Maria, with an accent of disappointment.</p> + +<p>"No, not that I perceive," replied +Jemima; "but he has an untamed +look, a vehemence of eye, that excites +apprehension. Were his hands free, +he looks as if he could soon manage +both his guards: yet he appears +tranquil."</p> + +<p>"If he be so strong, he must be +young," observed Maria.</p> + +<p>"Three or four and thirty, I suppose; +but there is no judging of a +person in his situation."</p> + +<p>"Are you sure that he is mad?" +interrupted Maria with eagerness. Jemima +quitted the room, without replying.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-36" id="APg_1-36"></a>[<a href="images/v1-36.png">36</a>]</span> +"No, no, he certainly is not!" exclaimed +Maria, answering herself; +"the man who could write those observations +was not disordered in his +intellects."</p> + +<p>She sat musing, gazing at the moon, +and watching its motion as it seemed +to glide under the clouds. Then, preparing +for bed, she thought, "Of +what use could I be to him, or he to +me, if it be true that he is unjustly +confined?—Could he aid me to escape, +who is himself more closely watched?—Still +I should like to see him." She +went to bed, dreamed of her child, +yet woke exactly at half after five +o'clock, and starting up, only wrapped +a gown around her, and ran to the +window. The morning was chill, it +was the latter end of September; yet +she did not retire to warm herself and<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-37" id="APg_1-37"></a>[<a href="images/v1-37.png">37</a>]</span> +think in bed, till the sound of the +servants, moving about the house, convinced +her that the unknown would +not walk in the garden that morning. +She was ashamed at feeling disappointed; +and began to reflect, as an excuse +to herself, on the little objects which +attract attention when there is nothing +to divert the mind; and how difficult +it was for women to avoid growing +romantic, who have no active duties +or pursuits.</p> + +<p>At breakfast, Jemima enquired whether +she understood French? for, unless +she did, the stranger's stock of +books was exhausted. Maria replied +in the affirmative; but forbore to ask +any more questions respecting the person +to whom they belonged. And Jemima +gave her a new subject for contemplation, +by describing the person<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-38" id="APg_1-38"></a>[<a href="images/v1-38.png">38</a>]</span> +of a lovely maniac, just brought into +an adjoining chamber. She was singing +the pathetic ballad of old Rob                  +with the most heart-melting +falls and pauses. Jemima had half-opened +the door, when she distinguished +her voice, and Maria stood close to it, +scarcely daring to respire, lest a modulation +should escape her, so exquisitely +sweet, so passionately wild. She +began with sympathy to pourtray to +herself another victim, when the lovely +warbler flew, as it were, from the +spray, and a torrent of unconnected +exclamations and questions burst from +her, interrupted by fits of laughter, so +horrid, that Maria shut the door, and, +turning her eyes up to heaven, exclaimed—"Gracious +God!"</p> + +<p>Several minutes elapsed before Maria +could enquire respecting the ru<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-39" id="APg_1-39"></a>[<a href="images/v1-39.png">39</a>]</span>mour +of the house (for this poor +wretch was obviously not confined +without a cause); and then Jemima +could only tell her, that it was said, +"she had been married, against her +inclination, to a rich old man, extremely +jealous (no wonder, for she +was a charming creature); and that, +in consequence of his treatment, or +something which hung on her mind, +she had, during her first lying-in, lost +her senses."</p> + +<p>What a subject of meditation—even +to the very confines of madness.</p> + +<p>"Woman, fragile flower! why +were you suffered to adorn a world +exposed to the inroad of such stormy +elements?" thought Maria, while the +poor maniac's strain was still breathing +on her ear, and sinking into her very +soul.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-40" id="APg_1-40"></a>[<a href="images/v1-40.png">40</a>]</span> +Towards the evening, Jemima brought +her Rousseau's <i>Heloïse</i>; and she sat +reading with eyes and heart, till the +return of her guard to extinguish the +light. One instance of her kindness +was, the permitting Maria to have +one, till her own hour of retiring to +rest. She had read this work long +since; but now it seemed to open a +new world to her—the only one worth +inhabiting. Sleep was not to be +wooed; yet, far from being fatigued +by the restless rotation of thought, she +rose and opened her window, just as +the thin watery clouds of twilight +made the long silent shadows visible. +The air swept across her face with a +voluptuous freshness that thrilled to +her heart, awakening indefinable emotions; +and the sound of a waving +branch, or the twittering of a startled<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-41" id="APg_1-41"></a>[<a href="images/v1-41.png">41</a>]</span> +bird, alone broke the stillness of reposing +nature. Absorbed by the sublime +sensibility which renders the consciousness +of existence felicity, Maria +was happy, till an autumnal scent, +wafted by the breeze of morn from +the fallen leaves of the adjacent wood, +made her recollect that the season had +changed since her confinement; yet +life afforded no variety to solace an +afflicted heart. She returned dispirited +to her couch, and thought of her child +till the broad glare of day again invited +her to the window. She looked +not for the unknown, still how great +was her vexation at perceiving the +back of a man, certainly he, with his +two attendants, as he turned into a +side-path which led to the house! A +confused recollection of having seen +somebody who resembled him, imme<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-42" id="APg_1-42"></a>[<a href="images/v1-42.png">42</a>]</span>diately +occurred, to puzzle and torment +her with endless conjectures. Five +minutes sooner, and she should have +seen his face, and been out of suspense—was +ever any thing so unlucky! +His steady, bold step, and the whole +air of his person, bursting as it were +from a cloud, pleased her, and gave +an outline to the imagination to sketch +the individual form she wished to recognize.</p> + +<p>Feeling the disappointment more +severely than she was willing to believe, +she flew to Rousseau, as her +only refuge from the idea of him, who +might prove a friend, could she but +find a way to interest him in her fate; +still the personification of Saint Preux, +or of an ideal lover far superior, was +after this imperfect model, of which +merely a glance had been caught,<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-43" id="APg_1-43"></a>[<a href="images/v1-43.png">43</a>]</span> +even to the minutiæ of the coat and +hat of the stranger. But if she lent +St. Preux, or the demi-god of her +fancy, his form, she richly repaid him +by the donation of all St. Preux's +sentiments and feelings, culled to gratify +her own, to which he seemed to +have an undoubted right, when she +read on the margin of an impassioned +letter, written in the well-known hand—"Rousseau +alone, the true Prometheus +of sentiment, possessed the fire +of genius necessary to pourtray the +passion, the truth of which goes so +directly to the heart."</p> + +<p>Maria was again true to the hour, yet +had finished Rousseau, and begun to +transcribe some selected passages; unable +to quit either the author or the window, +before she had a glimpse of the +countenance she daily longed to see;<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-44" id="APg_1-44"></a>[<a href="images/v1-44.png">44</a>]</span> +and, when seen, it conveyed no distinct +idea to her mind where she had +seen it before. He must have been a +transient acquaintance; but to discover +an acquaintance was fortunate, could +she contrive to attract his attention, +and excite his sympathy.</p> + +<p>Every glance afforded colouring for +the picture she was delineating on her +heart; and once, when the window +was half open, the sound of his voice +reached her. Conviction flashed on +her; she had certainly, in a moment +of distress, heard the same accents. +They were manly, and characteristic +of a noble mind; nay, even sweet—or +sweet they seemed to her attentive +ear.</p> + +<p>She started back, trembling, alarmed +at the emotion a strange coincidence +of circumstances inspired, and wonder<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-45" id="APg_1-45"></a>[<a href="images/v1-45.png">45</a>]</span>ing +why she thought so much of a +stranger, obliged as she had been by +his timely interference; [for she recollected, +by degrees, all the circumstances +of their former meeting.] She +found however that she could think +of nothing else; or, if she thought of +her daughter, it was to wish that she +had a father whom her mother could +respect and love.</p> + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-46" id="APg_1-46"></a>[<a href="images/v1-46.png">46</a>]</span></p> +<h2><a name="ACHAP_III" id="ACHAP_III"></a>CHAP. III.</h2> + + +<p><span class="smcap">When</span> perusing the first parcel of +books, Maria had, with her pencil, written +in one of them a few exclamations, +expressive of compassion and sympathy, +which she scarcely remembered, till +turning over the leaves of one of the +volumes, lately brought to her, a slip +of paper dropped out, which Jemima +hastily snatched up.</p> + +<p>"Let me see it," demanded Maria +impatiently, "You surely are not +afraid of trusting me with the effusions +of a madman?" "I must consider," replied +Jemima; and withdrew, with +the paper in her hand.</p> + +<p>In a life of such seclusion, the passions +gain undue force; Maria therefore +felt a great degree of resentment and<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-47" id="APg_1-47"></a>[<a href="images/v1-47.png">47</a>]</span> +vexation, which she had not time to +subdue, before Jemima, returning, delivered +the paper.</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>"Whoever you are, who partake of +my fate, accept my sincere commiseration—I +would have said protection; +but the privilege of man is denied me.</p> + +<p>"My own situation forces a dreadful +suspicion on my mind—I may not always +languish in vain for freedom—say +are you—I cannot ask the question; +yet I will remember you when my remembrance +can be of any use. I will +enquire, <i>why</i> you are so mysteriously +detained—and I <i>will</i> have an answer.</p> + +<p class="right">"<span class="smcap">henry darnford</span>."</p></div> + +<p>By the most pressing intreaties, Maria +prevailed on Jemima to permit her to +write a reply to this note. Another<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-48" id="APg_1-48"></a>[<a href="images/v1-48.png">48</a>]</span> +and another succeeded, in which explanations +were not allowed relative to +their present situation; but Maria, with +sufficient explicitness, alluded to a former +obligation; and they insensibly entered +on an interchange of sentiments +on the most important subjects. To +write these letters was the business of +the day, and to receive them the moment +of sunshine. By some means, +Darnford having discovered Maria's +window, when she next appeared at +it, he made her, behind his keepers, a +profound bow of respect and recognition.</p> + +<p>Two or three weeks glided away in +this kind of intercourse, during which +period Jemima, to whom Maria had +given the necessary information respecting +her family, had evidently gained +some intelligence, which increased her<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-49" id="APg_1-49"></a>[<a href="images/v1-49.png">49</a>]</span> +desire of pleasing her charge, though +she could not yet determine to liberate +her. Maria took advantage of this +favourable charge, without too minutely +enquiring into the cause; and such +was her eagerness to hold human converse, +and to see her former protector, +still a stranger to her, that she incessantly +requested her guard to gratify her more +than curiosity.</p> + +<p>Writing to Darnford, she was led +from the sad objects before her, and +frequently rendered insensible to the +horrid noises around her, which previously +had continually employed her +feverish fancy. Thinking it selfish to +dwell on her own sufferings, when in +the midst of wretches, who had not +only lost all that endears life, but their +very selves, her imagination was oc<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-50" id="APg_1-50"></a>[<a href="images/v1-50.png">50</a>]</span>cupied +with melancholy earnestness to +trace the mazes of misery, through +which so many wretches must have +passed to this gloomy receptacle of disjointed +souls, to the grand source of +human corruption. Often at midnight +was she waked by the dismal shrieks of +demoniac rage, or of excruciating despair, +uttered in such wild tones of indescribable +anguish as proved the total +absence of reason, and roused phantoms +of horror in her mind, far more +terrific than all that dreaming superstition +ever drew. Besides, there was +frequently something so inconceivably +picturesque in the varying gestures of +unrestrained passion, so irresistibly comic +in their sallies, or so heart-piercingly +pathetic in the little airs they would +sing, frequently bursting out after an +awful silence, as to fascinate the at<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-51" id="APg_1-51"></a>[<a href="images/v1-51.png">51</a>]</span>tention, +and amuse the fancy, while +torturing the soul. It was the uproar +of the passions which she was compelled +to observe; and to mark the +lucid beam of reason, like a light +trembling in a socket, or like the +flash which divides the threatening +clouds of angry heaven only to display +the horrors which darkness shrouded.</p> + +<p>Jemima would labour to beguile the +tedious evenings, by describing the +persons and manners of the <ins class="err" title="Transcriber's Note: original reads 'unfortutunate'">unfortunate</ins> +beings, whose figures or voices +awoke sympathetic sorrow in Maria's +bosom; and the stories she told were +the more interesting, for perpetually +leaving room to conjecture something +extraordinary. Still Maria, accustomed +to generalize her observations, was +led to conclude from all she heard, +that it was a vulgar error to suppose<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-52" id="APg_1-52"></a>[<a href="images/v1-52.png">52</a>]</span> +that people of abilities were the most +apt to lose the command of reason. +On the contrary, from most of the instances +she could investigate, she thought +it resulted, that the passions only appeared +strong and disproportioned, because +the judgment was weak and unexercised; +and that they gained strength +by the decay of reason, as the shadows +lengthen during the sun's decline.</p> + +<p>Maria impatiently wished to see her +fellow-sufferer; but Darnford was still +more earnest to obtain an interview. +Accustomed to submit to every impulse +of passion, and never taught, like +women, to restrain the most natural, +and acquire, instead of the bewitching +frankness of nature, a factitious propriety +of behaviour, every desire became +a torrent that bore down all opposition.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-53" id="APg_1-53"></a>[<a href="images/v1-53.png">53</a>]</span> +His travelling trunk, which contained +the books lent to Maria, had +been sent to him, and with a part of +its contents he bribed his principal +keeper; who, after receiving the most +solemn promise that he would return +to his apartment without attempting +to explore any part of the house, conducted +him, in the dusk of the evening, +to Maria's room.</p> + +<p>Jemima had apprized her charge of +the visit, and she expected with trembling +impatience, inspired by a vague +hope that he might again prove her +deliverer, to see a man who had before +rescued her from oppression. He entered +with an animation of countenance, +formed to captivate an enthusiast; +and, hastily turned his eyes from +her to the apartment, which he surveyed +with apparent emotions of com<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-54" id="APg_1-54"></a>[<a href="images/v1-54.png">54</a>]</span>passionate +indignation. Sympathy illuminated +his eye, and, taking her hand, +he respectfully bowed on it, exclaiming—"This +is extraordinary!—again +to meet you, and in such circumstances!" +Still, impressive as was the +coincidence of events which brought +them once more together, their full +hearts did not overflow.—<a name="AFNanchor_54-A_3" id="AFNanchor_54-A_3"></a><a href="#AFootnote_54-A_3" class="fnanchor">[54-A]</a></p> + +<hr /> + +<p>[And though, after this first visit, +they were permitted frequently to repeat +their interviews, they were for +some time employed in] a reserved +conversation, to which all the world<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-55" id="APg_1-55"></a>[<a href="images/v1-55.png">55</a>]</span> +might have listened; excepting, when +discussing some literary subject, flashes +of sentiment, inforced by each relaxing +feature, seemed to remind them +that their minds were already acquainted.</p> + +<p>[By degrees, Darnford entered into +the particulars of his story.] In a few +words, he informed her that he had been +a thoughtless, extravagant young man; +yet, as he described his faults, they appeared +to be the generous luxuriancy of +a noble mind. Nothing like meanness +tarnished the lustre of his youth, nor had +the worm of selfishness lurked in the unfolding +bud, even while he had been the +dupe of others. Yet he tardily acquired +the experience necessary to guard +him against future imposition.</p> + +<p>"I shall weary you," continued he, +"by my egotism; and did not power<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-56" id="APg_1-56"></a>[<a href="images/v1-56.png">56</a>]</span>ful +emotions draw me to you,"—his +eyes glistened as he spoke, and a trembling +seemed to run through his manly +frame,—"I would not waste these precious +moments in talking of myself.</p> + +<p>"My father and mother were people +of fashion; married by their parents. He +was fond of the turf, she of the card-table. +I, and two or three other children +since dead, were kept at home +till we became intolerable. My father +and mother had a visible dislike +to each other, continually displayed; +the servants were of the depraved kind +usually found in the houses of people +of fortune. My brothers and parents +all dying, I was left to the care of +guardians, and sent to Eton. I never +knew the sweets of domestic affection, +but I felt the want of indulgence and +frivolous respect at school. I will not<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-57" id="APg_1-57"></a>[<a href="images/v1-57.png">57</a>]</span> +disgust you with a recital of the vices +of my youth, which can scarcely be comprehended +by female delicacy. I was +taught to love by a creature I am +ashamed to mention; and the other +women with whom I afterwards became +intimate, were of a class of which +you can have no knowledge. I formed +my acquaintance with them at the +theatres; and, when vivacity danced +in their eyes, I was not easily disgusted +by the vulgarity which flowed from +their lips. Having spent, a few years +after I was of age, [the whole of] a +considerable patrimony, excepting a +few hundreds, I had no <ins class="err" title="Transcriber's Note: original reads 'resource'">recourse</ins> but +to purchase a commission in a new-raised +regiment, destined to subjugate +America. The regret I felt to renounce +a life of pleasure, was counter-balanced +by the curiosity I had to see<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-58" id="APg_1-58"></a>[<a href="images/v1-58.png">58</a>]</span> +America, or rather to travel; [nor +had any of those circumstances occurred +to my youth, which might have +been calculated] to bind my country +to my heart. I shall not trouble you +with the details of a military life. My +blood was still kept in motion; till, +towards the close of the contest, I was +wounded and taken prisoner.</p> + +<p>"Confined to my bed, or chair, by a +lingering cure, my only refuge from +the preying activity of my mind, was +books, which I read with great avidity, +profiting by the conversation of my +host, a man of sound understanding. +My political sentiments now underwent +a total change; and, dazzled by +the hospitality of the Americans, I +determined to take up my abode with +freedom. I, therefore, with my usual +impetuosity, sold my commission, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-59" id="APg_1-59"></a>[<a href="images/v1-59.png">59</a>]</span> +travelled into the interior parts of the +country, to lay out my money to advantage. +Added to this, I did not +much like the puritanical manners of +the large towns. Inequality of condition +was there most disgustingly galling. +The only pleasure wealth afforded, +was to make an ostentatious +display of it; for the cultivation of +the fine arts, or literature, had not introduced +into the first circles that polish +of manners which renders the rich so essentially +superior to the poor in Europe. +Added to this, an influx of vices had +been let in by the Revolution, and the +most rigid principles of religion shaken +to the centre, before the understanding +could be gradually emancipated from +the prejudices which led their ancestors +undauntedly to seek an inhospitable +clime and unbroken soil. The resolu<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-60" id="APg_1-60"></a>[<a href="images/v1-60.png">60</a>]</span>tion, +that led them, in pursuit of independence, +to embark on rivers like +seas, to search for unknown shores, +and to sleep under the hovering mists +of endless forests, whose baleful damps +agued their limbs, was now turned into +commercial speculations, till the national +character exhibited a phenomenon +in the history of the human mind—a +head enthusiastically enterprising, with +cold selfishness of heart. And woman, +lovely woman!—they charm every +where—still there is a degree of prudery, +and a want of taste and ease in +the manners of the American women, +that renders them, in spite of their roses +and lilies, far inferior to our European +charmers. In the country, they have +often a bewitching simplicity of character; +but, in the cities, they have all +the airs and ignorance of the ladies who<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-61" id="APg_1-61"></a>[<a href="images/v1-61.png">61</a>]</span> +give the tone to the circles of the large +trading towns in England. They are +fond of their ornaments, merely because +they are good, and not because +they embellish their persons; and are +more gratified to inspire the women +with jealousy of these exterior advantages, +than the men with love. All +the frivolity which often (excuse me, +Madam) renders the society of modest +women so stupid in England, here +seemed to throw still more leaden fetters +on their charms. Not being an +adept in gallantry, I found that I could +only keep myself awake in their company +by making downright love to +them.</p> + +<p>"But, not to intrude on your patience, +I retired to the track of land +which I had purchased in the country, +and my time passed pleasantly enough<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-62" id="APg_1-62"></a>[<a href="images/v1-62.png">62</a>]</span> +while I cut down the trees, built my +house, and planted my different crops. +But winter and idleness came, and I +longed for more elegant society, to hear +what was passing in the world, and to +do something better than vegetate with +the animals that made a very considerable +part of my household. Consequently, +I determined to travel. Motion was +a substitute for variety of objects; and, +passing over immense tracks of country, +I exhausted my exuberant spirits, without +obtaining much experience. I every +where saw industry the fore-runner +and not the consequence, of luxury; +but this country, every thing being on +an ample scale, did not afford those +picturesque views, which a certain degree +of cultivation is necessary gradually +to produce. The eye wandered +without an object to fix upon over im<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-63" id="APg_1-63"></a>[<a href="images/v1-63.png">63</a>]</span>measureable +plains, and lakes that seemed +replenished by the ocean, whilst eternal +forests of small clustering trees, obstructed +the circulation of air, and embarrassed +the path, without gratifying +the eye of taste. No cottage smiling in +the waste, no travellers hailed us, to give +life to silent nature; or, if perchance +we saw the print of a footstep in our +path, it was a dreadful warning to turn +aside; and the head ached as if assailed +by the scalping knife. The Indians +who hovered on the skirts of the European +settlements had only learned of +their neighbours to plunder, and they +stole their guns from them to do it with +more safety.</p> + +<p>"From the woods and back settlements, +I returned to the towns, and +learned to eat and drink most valiantly; +but without entering into commerce<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-64" id="APg_1-64"></a>[<a href="images/v1-64.png">64</a>]</span> +(and I detested commerce) I found I +could not live there; and, growing heartily +weary of the land of liberty and +vulgar aristocracy, seated on her bags +of dollars, I resolved once more to visit +Europe. I wrote to a distant relation +in England, with whom I had been +educated, mentioning the vessel in +which I intended to sail. Arriving in +London, my senses were intoxicated. I +ran from street to street, from theatre +to theatre, and the women of the town +(again I must beg pardon for my habitual +frankness) appeared to me like +angels.</p> + +<p>"A week was spent in this thoughtless +manner, when, returning very late +to the hotel in which I had lodged ever +since my arrival, I was knocked down +in a private street, and hurried, in a state +of insensibility, into a coach, which<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-65" id="APg_1-65"></a>[<a href="images/v1-65.png">65</a>]</span> +brought me hither, and I only recovered +my senses to be treated like one +who had lost them. My keepers are +deaf to my remonstrances and enquiries, +yet assure me that my confinement +shall not last long. Still I cannot guess, +though I weary myself with conjectures, +why I am confined, or in what +part of England this house is situated. +I imagine sometimes that I hear the +sea roar, and wished myself again on +the Atlantic, till I had a glimpse of +you<a name="AFNanchor_65-A_4" id="AFNanchor_65-A_4"></a><a href="#AFootnote_65-A_4" class="fnanchor">[65-A]</a>."</p> + +<p>A few moments were only allowed to +Maria to comment on this narrative,<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-66" id="APg_1-66"></a>[<a href="images/v1-66.png">66</a>]</span> +when Darnford left her to her own +thoughts, to the "never ending, still +beginning," task of weighing his words, +recollecting his tones of voice, and feeling +them reverberate on her heart.</p> + +<div class="footnotes"><h3>FOOTNOTES:</h3> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="AFootnote_54-A_3" id="AFootnote_54-A_3"></a><a href="#AFNanchor_54-A_3"><span class="label">[54-A]</span></a> The copy which had received the author's +last corrections, breaks off in this place, and the +pages which follow, to the end of Chap. IV, are +printed from a copy in a less finished state.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="AFootnote_65-A_4" id="AFootnote_65-A_4"></a><a href="#AFNanchor_65-A_4"><span class="label">[65-A]</span></a> The introduction of Darnford as the deliverer +of Maria in a former instance, appears to have +been an after-thought of the author. This has +occasioned the omission of any allusion to that +circumstance in the preceding narration. +</p> +<p class="right"><span class="smcap">editor.</span></p></div> +</div> + + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-67" id="APg_1-67"></a>[<a href="images/v1-67.png">67</a>]</span></p> +<h2><a name="ACHAP_IV" id="ACHAP_IV"></a>CHAP. IV.</h2> + + +<p><span class="smcap">Pity</span>, and the forlorn seriousness of +adversity, have both been considered as +dispositions favourable to love, while +satirical writers have attributed the +propensity to the relaxing effect of +<ins class="err" title="Transcriber's Note: added missing comma">idleness,</ins> what chance then had Maria +of escaping, when pity, sorrow, +and solitude all conspired to soften her +mind, and nourish romantic wishes, +and, from a natural progress, romantic +expectations?</p> + +<p>Maria was six-and-twenty. But, +such was the native soundness of her +constitution, that time had only given +to her countenance the character of her +mind. Revolving thought, and exercised +affections had banished some of<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-68" id="APg_1-68"></a>[<a href="images/v1-68.png">68</a>]</span> +the playful graces of innocence, producing +insensibly that irregularity of +features which the struggles of the understanding +to trace or govern the +strong emotions of the heart, are wont +to imprint on the yielding mass. Grief +and care had mellowed, without obscuring, +the bright tints of youth, and +the thoughtfulness which resided on her +brow did not take from the feminine +softness of her features; nay, such was +the sensibility which often mantled over +it, that she frequently appeared, like a +large proportion of her sex, only born +to feel; and the activity of her well-proportioned, +and even almost voluptuous +figure, inspired the idea of +strength of mind, rather than of body. +There was a simplicity sometimes indeed +in her manner, which bordered +on infantine ingenuousness, that led peo<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-69" id="APg_1-69"></a>[<a href="images/v1-69.png">69</a>]</span>ple +of common discernment to underrate +her talents, and smile at the flights +of her imagination. But those who +could not comprehend the delicacy of +her sentiments, were attached by her +unfailing sympathy, so that she was very +generally beloved by characters of very +different descriptions; still, she was too +much under the influence of an ardent +imagination to adhere to common rules.</p> + +<p>There are mistakes of conduct which +at five-and-twenty prove the strength of +the mind, that, ten or fifteen years after, +would demonstrate its weakness, its incapacity +to acquire a sane judgment. +The youths who are satisfied with the +ordinary pleasures of life, and do not +sigh after ideal phantoms of love and +friendship, will never arrive at great maturity +of understanding; but if these reveries +are cherished, as is too frequently<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-70" id="APg_1-70"></a>[<a href="images/v1-70.png">70</a>]</span> +the case with women, when experience +ought to have taught them in what human +happiness consists, they become as +useless as they are wretched. Besides, +their pains and pleasures are so dependent +on outward circumstances, on the +objects of their affections, that they +seldom act from the impulse of a nerved +mind, able to choose its own pursuit.</p> + +<p>Having had to struggle incessantly +with the vices of mankind, Maria's +imagination found repose in pourtraying +the possible virtues the world might +contain. Pygmalion formed an ivory +maid, and longed for an informing soul. +She, on the contrary, combined all the +qualities of a hero's mind, and fate +presented a statue in which she might +enshrine them.</p> + +<p>We mean not to trace the progress +of this passion, or recount how often<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-71" id="APg_1-71"></a>[<a href="images/v1-71.png">71</a>]</span> +Darnford and Maria were obliged to +part in the midst of an interesting conversation. +Jemima ever watched on +the tip-toe of fear, and frequently separated +them on a false alarm, when +they would have given worlds to remain +a little longer together.</p> + +<p>A magic lamp now seemed to be suspended +in Maria's prison, and fairy +landscapes flitted round the gloomy +walls, late so blank. Rushing from the +depth of despair, on the seraph wing of +hope, she found herself happy.—She was +beloved, and every emotion was rapturous.</p> + +<p>To Darnford she had not shown a decided +affection; the fear of outrunning +his, a sure proof of love, made her often +assume a coldness and indifference foreign +from her character; and, even when +giving way to the playful emotions of a<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-72" id="APg_1-72"></a>[<a href="images/v1-72.png">72</a>]</span> +heart just loosened from the frozen +bond of grief, there was a delicacy in +her manner of expressing her sensibility, +which made him doubt whether it +was the effect of love.</p> + +<p>One evening, when Jemima left them, +to listen to the sound of a distant footstep, +which seemed cautiously to approach, +he seized Maria's hand—it was +not withdrawn. They conversed with +earnestness of their situation; and, during +the conversation, he once or twice +gently drew her towards him. He felt +the fragrance of her breath, and longed, +yet feared, to touch the lips from +which it issued; spirits of purity seemed +to guard them, while all the enchanting +graces of love sported on her cheeks, +and languished in her eyes.</p> + +<p>Jemima entering, he reflected on his +diffidence with poignant regret, and,<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-73" id="APg_1-73"></a>[<a href="images/v1-73.png">73</a>]</span> +she once more taking alarm, he ventured, +as Maria stood near his chair, to +approach her lips with a declaration of +love. She drew back with solemnity, +he hung down his head abashed; but +lifting his eyes timidly, they met her's; +she had determined, during that instant, +and suffered their rays to mingle. He +took, with more ardour, reassured, a +half-consenting, half-reluctant kiss, reluctant +only from modesty; and there +was a sacredness in her dignified manner +of reclining her glowing face on +his shoulder, that powerfully impressed +him. Desire was lost in more ineffable +emotions, and to protect her from insult +and sorrow—to make her happy, +seemed not only the first wish of his heart, +but the most noble duty of his life. +Such angelic confidence demanded the +fidelity of honour; but could he, feel<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-74" id="APg_1-74"></a>[<a href="images/v1-74.png">74</a>]</span>ing +her in every pulsation, could he +ever change, could he be a villain? The +emotion with which she, for a moment, +allowed herself to be pressed to his bosom, +the tear of rapturous sympathy, +mingled with a soft melancholy sentiment +of recollected disappointment, +said—more of truth and faithfulness, +than the tongue could have given utterance +to in hours! They were silent—yet +discoursed, how eloquently? till, +after a moment's reflection, Maria drew +her chair by the side of his, and, with +a composed sweetness of voice, and +supernatural benignity of countenance, +said, "I must open my whole heart +to you; you must be told who I am, +why I am here, and why, telling you +I am a wife, I blush not to"—the blush +spoke the rest.</p> + +<p>Jemima was again at her elbow, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-75" id="APg_1-75"></a>[<a href="images/v1-75.png">75</a>]</span> +the restraint of her presence did not +prevent an animated conversation, in +which love, sly urchin, was ever at bo-peep.</p> + +<p>So much of heaven did they enjoy, +that paradise bloomed around them; or +they, by a powerful spell, had been +transported into Armida's garden. Love, +the grand enchanter, "lapt them in Elysium," +and every sense was harmonized +to joy and social extacy. So animated, +indeed, were their accents of tenderness, +in discussing what, in other circumstances, +would have been common-place +subjects, that Jemima felt, with +surprise, a tear of pleasure trickling +down her rugged cheeks. She wiped +it away, half ashamed; and when Maria +kindly enquired the cause, with all +the eager solicitude of a happy being +wishing to impart to all nature its<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-76" id="APg_1-76"></a>[<a href="images/v1-76.png">76</a>]</span> +overflowing felicity, Jemima owned +that it was the first tear that social enjoyment +had ever drawn from her. She +seemed indeed to breathe more freely; +the cloud of suspicion cleared away +from her brow; she felt herself, for +once in her life, treated like a fellow-creature.</p> + +<p>Imagination! who can paint thy +power; or reflect the evanescent tints +of hope fostered by thee? A despondent +gloom had long obscured Maria's horizon—now +the sun broke forth, the +rainbow appeared, and every prospect +was fair. Horror still reigned in the +darkened cells, suspicion lurked in the +passages, and whispered along the +walls. The yells of men possessed, +sometimes made them pause, and wonder +that they felt so happy, in a tomb +of living death. They even chid them<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-77" id="APg_1-77"></a>[<a href="images/v1-77.png">77</a>]</span>selves +for such apparent insensibility; +still the world contained not three happier +beings. And Jemima, after again +patrolling the passage, was so softened +by the air of confidence which breathed +around her, that she voluntarily began +an account of herself.</p> + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-78" id="APg_1-78"></a>[<a href="images/v1-78.png">78</a>]</span></p> +<h2><a name="ACHAP_V" id="ACHAP_V"></a>CHAP. V.</h2> + + +<p>"<span class="smcap">My</span> father," said Jemima, "seduced +my mother, a pretty girl, with whom +he lived fellow-servant; and she no +sooner perceived the natural, the dreaded +consequence, than the terrible conviction +flashed on her—that she was +ruined. Honesty, and a regard for her +reputation, had been the only principles +inculcated by her mother; and +they had been so forcibly impressed, that +she feared shame, more than the poverty +to which it would lead. Her incessant +importunities to prevail upon my father +to screen her from reproach by marrying +her, as he had promised in the +fervour of seduction, estranged him from +her so completely, that her very person<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-79" id="APg_1-79"></a>[<a href="images/v1-79.png">79</a>]</span> +became distasteful to him; and he began +to hate, as well as despise me, before +I was born.</p> + +<p>"My mother, grieved to the soul by +his neglect, and unkind treatment, actually +resolved to famish herself; and +injured her health by the attempt; +though she had not sufficient resolution +to adhere to her project, or renounce it +entirely. Death came not at her call; +yet sorrow, and the methods she adopted +to conceal her condition, still doing the +work of a house-maid, had such an +effect on her constitution, that she died +in the wretched garret, where her virtuous +mistress had forced her to take +refuge in the very pangs of labour, +though my father, after a slight reproof, +was allowed to remain in his place—allowed +by the mother of six children, +who, scarcely permitting a footstep to<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-80" id="APg_1-80"></a>[<a href="images/v1-80.png">80</a>]</span> +be heard, during her month's indulgence, +felt no sympathy for the poor +wretch, denied every comfort required +by her situation.</p> + +<p>"The day my mother died, the +ninth after my birth, I was consigned +to the care of the cheapest nurse my +father could find; who suckled her own +child at the same time, and lodged as +many more as she could get, in two +cellar-like apartments.</p> + +<p>"Poverty, and the habit of seeing +children die off her hands, had so +hardened her heart, that the office of a +mother did not awaken the tenderness +of a woman; nor were the feminine +caresses which seem a part of the rearing +of a child, ever bestowed on me. +The chicken has a wing to shelter under; +but I had no bosom to nestle in, +no kindred warmth to foster me. Left<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-81" id="APg_1-81"></a>[<a href="images/v1-81.png">81</a>]</span> +in dirt, to cry with cold and hunger +till I was weary, and sleep without ever +being prepared by exercise, or lulled +by kindness to rest; could I be expected +to become any thing but a weak and +rickety babe? Still, in spite of neglect, +I continued to exist, to learn to +curse existence,<ins class="err" title="Transcriber's Note: Errata: original reads '['">"</ins> her countenance grew +ferocious as she spoke, <ins class="err" title="Transcriber's Note: Errata: original reads ']'">"</ins>and the treatment +that rendered me miserable, seemed +to sharpen my wits. Confined then +in a damp hovel, to rock the cradle of +the succeeding tribe, I looked like a +little old woman, or a hag shrivelling into +nothing. The furrows of reflection and +care contracted the youthful cheek, +and gave a sort of supernatural wildness +to the ever watchful eye. During +this period, my father had married another +fellow-servant, who loved him +less, and knew better how to manage<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-82" id="APg_1-82"></a>[<a href="images/v1-82.png">82</a>]</span> +his passion, than my mother. She likewise +proving with child, they agreed +to keep a shop: my step-mother, if, being +an illegitimate offspring, I may +venture thus to characterize her, having +obtained a sum of a rich relation, +for that purpose.</p> + +<p>"Soon after her lying-in, she prevailed +on my father to take me home, to save +the expence of maintaining me, and +of hiring a girl to assist her in the care +of the child. I was young, it was true, +but appeared a knowing little thing, +and might be made handy. Accordingly +I was brought to her house; but +not to a home—for a home I never +knew. Of this child, a daughter, she +was extravagantly fond; and it was a +part of my employment, to assist to spoil +her, by humouring all her whims, and +bearing all her caprices. Feeling her<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-83" id="APg_1-83"></a>[<a href="images/v1-83.png">83</a>]</span> +own consequence, before she could +speak, she had learned the art of tormenting +me, and if I ever dared to resist, +I received blows, laid on with no +compunctious hand, or was sent to bed +dinnerless, as well as supperless. I said +that it was a part of my daily labour to +attend this child, with the servility of a +slave; still it was but a part. I was +sent out in all seasons, and from place +to place, to carry burdens far above +my strength, without being allowed to +draw near the fire, or ever being +cheered by encouragement or kindness. +No wonder then, treated like a +creature of another species, that I began +to envy, and at length to hate, +the darling of the house. Yet, I perfectly +remember, that it was the caresses, +and kind expressions of my step-mother, +which first excited my jealous<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-84" id="APg_1-84"></a>[<a href="images/v1-84.png">84</a>]</span> +discontent. Once, I cannot forget it, +when she was calling in vain her wayward +child to kiss her, I ran to her, +saying, 'I will kiss you, ma'am!' and +how did my heart, which was in my +mouth, sink, what was my debasement +of soul, when pushed away with—'I +do not want you, pert thing!' +Another day, when a new gown had +excited the highest good humour, and +she uttered the appropriate <i>dear</i>, addressed +unexpectedly to me, I thought +I could never do enough to please her; +I was all alacrity, and rose proportionably +in my own estimation.</p> + +<p>"As her daughter grew up, she was +pampered with cakes and fruit, while +I was, literally speaking, fed with the +refuse of the table, with her leavings. +A liquorish tooth is, I believe, common +to children, and I used to steal any<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-85" id="APg_1-85"></a>[<a href="images/v1-85.png">85</a>]</span> +thing sweet, that I could catch up with +a chance of concealment. When detected, +she was not content to chastize +me herself at the moment, but, on my +father's return in the evening (he was +a shopman), the principal discourse was +to recount my faults, and attribute +them to the wicked disposition which I +had brought into the world with me, +inherited from my mother. He did not +fail to leave the marks of his resentment +on my body, and then solaced +himself by playing with my sister.—I +could have murdered her at those moments. +To save myself from these unmerciful +corrections, I resorted to falshood, +and the untruths which I sturdily +maintained, were brought in judgment +against me, to support my tyrant's +inhuman charge of my natural propensity +to vice. Seeing me treated with<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-86" id="APg_1-86"></a>[<a href="images/v1-86.png">86</a>]</span> +contempt, and always being fed and +dressed better, my sister conceived a +contemptuous opinion of me, that +proved an obstacle to all affection; and +my father, hearing continually of my +faults, began to consider me as a curse +entailed on him for his sins: he was +therefore easily prevailed on to bind +me apprentice to one of my step-mother's +friends, who kept a slop-shop in +Wapping. I was represented (as it +was said) in my true colours; but she, +'warranted,' snapping her fingers, +'that she should break my spirit or +heart.'</p> + +<p>"My mother replied, with a whine, +'that if any body could make me better, +it was such a clever woman as herself; +though, for her own part, she had +tried in vain; but good-nature was her +fault.'</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-87" id="APg_1-87"></a>[<a href="images/v1-87.png">87</a>]</span> +"I shudder with horror, when I recollect +the treatment I had now to endure. +Not only under the lash of my task-mistress, +but the drudge of the maid, +apprentices and children, I never had +a taste of human kindness to soften the +rigour of perpetual labour. I had been +introduced as an object of abhorrence +into the family; as a creature of whom +my step-mother, though she had been +kind enough to let me live in the house +with her own child, could make nothing. +I was described as a wretch, +whose nose must be kept to the grinding +stone—and it was held there with +an iron grasp. It seemed indeed the +privilege of their superior nature to kick +me about, like the dog or cat. If I +were attentive, I was called fawning, +if refractory, an obstinate mule, and +like a mule I received their censure on<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-88" id="APg_1-88"></a>[<a href="images/v1-88.png">88</a>]</span> +my loaded back. Often has my mistress, +for some instance of forgetfulness, thrown +me from one side of the kitchen to the +other, knocked my head against the +wall, spit in my face, with various refinements +on barbarity that I forbear to +enumerate, though they were all acted +over again by the servant, with additional +insults, to which the appellation +of <i>bastard</i>, was commonly added, with +taunts or sneers. But I will not attempt +to give you an adequate idea of +my situation, lest you, who probably +have never been drenched with the +dregs of human misery, should think I +exaggerate.</p> + +<p>"I stole now, from absolute necessity,—bread; +yet whatever else was +taken, which I had it not in my power +to take, was ascribed to me. I was +the filching cat, the ravenous dog, the<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-89" id="APg_1-89"></a>[<a href="images/v1-89.png">89</a>]</span> +dumb brute, who must bear all; for if +I endeavoured to exculpate myself, I +was silenced, without any enquiries +being made, with 'Hold your tongue, +you never tell truth.' Even the very +air I breathed was tainted with scorn; +for I was sent to the neighbouring shops +with Glutton, Liar, or Thief, written on +my forehead. This was, at first, the +most bitter punishment; but sullen +pride, or a kind of stupid desperation, +made me, at length, almost regardless +of the contempt, which had wrung +from me so many solitary tears at the +only moments when I was allowed to +rest.</p> + +<p>"Thus was I the mark of cruelty till +my sixteenth year; and then I have +only to point out a change of misery; +for a period I never knew. Allow me +first to make one observation. Now I<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-90" id="APg_1-90"></a>[<a href="images/v1-90.png">90</a>]</span> +look back, I cannot help attributing the +greater part of my misery, to the misfortune +of having been thrown into the +world without the grand support of life—a +mother's affection. I had no one to +love me; or to make me respected, to +enable me to acquire respect. I was an +egg dropped on the sand; a pauper by +nature, <ins class="err" title="Transcriber's Note: original reads 'hunted'">shunted</ins> from family to family, +who belonged to nobody—and nobody +cared for me. I was despised from my +birth, and denied the chance of obtaining +a footing for myself in society. Yes; +I had not even the chance of being +considered as a fellow-creature—yet all +the people with whom I lived, brutalized +as they were by the low cunning +of trade, and the despicable shifts of +poverty, were not without bowels, +though they never yearned for me. I +was, in fact, born a slave, and chained<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-91" id="APg_1-91"></a>[<a href="images/v1-91.png">91</a>]</span> +by infamy to slavery during the whole +of existence, without having any companions +to alleviate it by sympathy, or +teach me how to rise above it by their +example. But, to resume the thread of +my tale—</p> + +<p>"At sixteen, I suddenly grew tall, +and something like comeliness appeared +on a Sunday, when I had time to wash +my face, and put on clean clothes. My +master had once or twice caught hold +of me in the passage; but I instinctively +avoided his disgusting caresses. One +day however, when the family were +at a methodist meeting, he contrived to +be alone in the house with me, and by +blows—yes; blows and menaces, compelled +me to submit to his ferocious +desire; and, to avoid my mistress's +fury, I was obliged in future to comply, +and skulk to my loft at his com<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-92" id="APg_1-92"></a>[<a href="images/v1-92.png">92</a>]</span>mand, +in spite of increasing loathing.</p> + +<p>"The anguish which was now pent +up in my bosom, seemed to open a new +world to me: I began to extend my +thoughts beyond myself, and grieve +for human misery, till I discovered, +with horror—ah! what horror!—that I +was with child. I know not why I felt +a mixed sensation of despair and tenderness, +excepting that, ever called a +bastard, a bastard appeared to me an +object of the greatest compassion in +creation.</p> + +<p>"I communicated this dreadful circumstance +to my master, who was almost +equally alarmed at the intelligence; +for he feared his wife, and public +censure at the meeting. After some +weeks of deliberation had elapsed, I in +continual fear that my altered shape<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-93" id="APg_1-93"></a>[<a href="images/v1-93.png">93</a>]</span> +would be noticed, my master gave me +a medicine in a phial, which he desired +me to take, telling me, without any +circumlocution, for what purpose it +was designed. I burst into tears, I +thought it was killing myself—yet was +such a self as I worth preserving? He +cursed me for a fool, and left me to my +own reflections. I could not resolve to +take this infernal potion; but I wrapped +it up in an old gown, and hid it +in a corner of my box.</p> + +<p>"Nobody yet suspected me, because +they had been accustomed to view me +as a creature of another species. But +the threatening storm at last broke over +my devoted head—never shall I forget +it! One Sunday evening when I was +left, as usual, to take care of the house, +my master came home intoxicated, and +I became the prey of his brutal appe<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-94" id="APg_1-94"></a>[<a href="images/v1-94.png">94</a>]</span>tite. +His extreme intoxication made +him forget his customary caution, and +my mistress entered and found us in a +situation that could not have been more +hateful to her than me. Her husband +was 'pot-valiant,' he feared her not +at the moment, nor had he then much +reason, for she instantly turned the +whole force of her anger another +way. She tore off my cap, scratched, +kicked, and buffetted me, till she had +exhausted her strength, declaring, as she +rested her arm, 'that I had wheedled +her husband from her.—But, could any +thing better be expected from a wretch, +whom she had taken into her house out +of pure charity?' What a torrent of +abuse rushed out? till, almost breathless, +she concluded with saying, 'that I +was born a strumpet; it ran in my<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-95" id="APg_1-95"></a>[<a href="images/v1-95.png">95</a>]</span> +blood, and nothing good could come +to those who harboured me.'</p> + +<p>"My situation was, of course, discovered, +and she declared that I should +not stay another night under the same +roof with an honest family. I was +therefore pushed out of doors, and my +trumpery thrown after me, when it had +been contemptuously examined in the +passage, lest I should have stolen any +thing.</p> + +<p>"Behold me then in the street, utterly +destitute! Whither could I creep for +shelter? To my father's roof I had no +claim, when not pursued by shame—now +I shrunk back as from death, from +my mother's cruel reproaches, my father's +execrations. I could not endure +to hear him curse the day I was born, +though life had been a curse to me. Of +death I thought, but with a confused<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-96" id="APg_1-96"></a>[<a href="images/v1-96.png">96</a>]</span> +emotion of terror, as I stood leaning +my head on a post, and starting at every +footstep, lest it should be my mistress +coming to tear my heart out. One of +the boys of the shop passing by, heard +my tale, and immediately repaired to +his master, to give him a description of +my situation; and he touched the right +key—the scandal it would give rise to, +if I were left to repeat my tale to every +enquirer. This plea came home to his +reason, who had been sobered by his +wife's rage, the fury of which fell on +him when I was out of her reach, and +he sent the boy to me with half-a-guinea, +desiring him to conduct me to a +house, where beggars, and other +wretches, the refuse of society, nightly +lodged.</p> + +<p>"This night was spent in a state of +stupefaction, or desperation. I detested +mankind, and abhorred myself.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-97" id="APg_1-97"></a>[<a href="images/v1-97.png">97</a>]</span> +"In the morning I ventured out, to +throw myself in my master's way, at his +usual hour of going abroad. I approached +him, he 'damned me for a +b——, declared I had disturbed the +peace of the family, and that he had +sworn to his wife, never to take any +more notice of me.' He left me; but, +instantly returning, he told me that he +should speak to his friend, a parish-officer, +to get a nurse for the brat I laid +to him; and advised me, if I wished to +keep out of the house of correction, not +to make free with his name.</p> + +<p>"I hurried back to my hole, and, rage +giving place to despair, sought for the +potion that was to procure abortion, and +swallowed it, with a wish that it might +destroy me, at the same time that it +stopped the sensations of new-born life,<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-98" id="APg_1-98"></a>[<a href="images/v1-98.png">98</a>]</span> +which I felt with indescribable emotion. +My head turned round, my heart grew +sick, and in the horrors of approaching +dissolution, mental anguish was swallowed +up. The effect of the medicine +was violent, and I was confined to my +bed several days; but, youth and a +strong constitution prevailing, I once +more crawled out, to ask myself the +cruel question, 'Whither I should +go?' I had but two shillings left in +my pocket, the rest had been expended, +by a poor woman who slept in the +same room, to pay for my lodging, +and purchase the necessaries of which +she partook.</p> + +<p>"With this wretch I went into the +neighbouring streets to beg, and my +disconsolate appearance drew a few +pence from the idle, enabling me still +to command a bed; till, recovering<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-99" id="APg_1-99"></a>[<a href="images/v1-99.png">99</a>]</span> +from my illness, and taught to put on +my rags to the best advantage, I was +accosted from different motives, and +yielded to the desire of the brutes I met, +with the same detestation that I had +felt for my still more brutal master. +I have since read in novels of the blandishments +of seduction, but I had not +even the pleasure of being enticed +into vice.</p> + +<p>"I shall not," interrupted Jemima, +"lead your imagination into all the +scenes of wretchedness and depravity, +which I was condemned to view; or +mark the different stages of my debasing +misery. Fate dragged me +through the very kennels of society; +I was still a slave, a bastard, a common +property. Become familiar with vice, +for I wish to conceal nothing from you, +I picked the pockets of the drunkards<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-100" id="APg_1-100"></a>[<a href="images/v1-100.png">100</a>]</span> +who abused me; and proved by my +conduct, that I deserved the epithets, +with which they loaded me at moments +when distrust ought to cease.</p> + +<p>"Detesting my nightly occupation, +though valuing, if I may so use the +word, my independence, which only +consisted in choosing the street in which +I should wander, or the roof, when I +had money, in which I should hide my +head, I was some time before I could +prevail on myself to accept of a place +in a house of ill fame, to which a girl, +with whom I had accidentally conversed +in the street, had recommended +me. I had been hunted almost into a +a fever, by the watchmen of the quarter +of the town I frequented; one, +whom I had unwittingly offended, giving +the word to the whole pack. You +can scarcely conceive the tyranny ex<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-101" id="APg_1-101"></a>[<a href="images/v1-101.png">101</a>]</span>ercised +by these wretches: considering +themselves as the instruments of +the very laws they violate, the pretext +which steels their conscience, hardens +their heart. Not content with receiving +from us, outlaws of society (let +other women talk of favours) a brutal +gratification gratuitously as a privilege +of office, they extort a tithe of prostitution, +and harrass with threats the +poor creatures whose occupation affords +not the means to silence the growl of +avarice. To escape from this persecution, +I once more entered into servitude.</p> + +<p>"A life of comparative regularity +restored my health; and—do not start—my +manners were improved, in a situation +where vice sought to render itself +alluring, and taste was cultivated to +fashion the person, if not to refine the +mind. Besides, the common civility of<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-102" id="APg_1-102"></a>[<a href="images/v1-102.png">102</a>]</span> +speech, contrasted with the gross vulgarity +to which I had been accustomed, +was something like the polish of civilization. +I was not shut out from all intercourse +of humanity. Still I was galled +by the yoke of service, and my mistress +often flying into violent fits of passion, +made me dread a sudden dismission, +which I understood was always the +case. I was therefore prevailed on, +though I felt a horror of men, to accept +the offer of a gentleman, rather in the +decline of years, to keep his house, +pleasantly situated in a little village +near Hampstead.</p> + +<p>"He was a man of great talents, and +of brilliant wit; but, a worn-out votary +of voluptuousness, his desires became +fastidious in proportion as they +grew weak, and the native tenderness +of his heart was undermined by a vi<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-103" id="APg_1-103"></a>[<a href="images/v1-103.png">103</a>]</span>tiated +imagination. A thoughtless <ins class="err" title="Transcriber's Note: original reads 'carreer'">career</ins> +of libertinism and social enjoyment, +had injured his health to such a +degree, that, whatever pleasure his conversation +afforded me (and my esteem +was ensured by proofs of the generous +humanity of his disposition), the being +his mistress was purchasing it at a very +dear rate. With such a keen perception +of the delicacies of sentiment, +with an imagination invigorated by +the exercise of genius, how could he +sink into the grossness of sensuality!</p> + +<p>"But, to pass over a subject which I +recollect with pain, I must remark to +you, as an answer to your often-repeated +question, 'Why my sentiments and +language were superior to my station?' +that I now began to read, to beguile +the tediousness of solitude, and to +gratify an inquisitive, active mind. I<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-104" id="APg_1-104"></a>[<a href="images/v1-104.png">104</a>]</span> +had often, in my childhood, followed a +ballad-singer, to hear the sequel of a +dismal story, though sure of being severely +punished for delaying to return +with whatever I was sent to purchase. I +could just spell and put a sentence together, +and I listened to the various arguments, +though often mingled with +obscenity, which occurred at the table +where I was allowed to preside: for a +literary friend or two frequently came +home with my master, to dine and pass +the night. Having lost the privileged respect +of my sex, my presence, instead +of restraining, perhaps gave the reins +to their tongues; still I had the advantage +of hearing discussions, from which, +in the common course of life, women +are excluded.</p> + +<p>"You may easily imagine, that it +was only by degrees that I could com<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-105" id="APg_1-105"></a>[<a href="images/v1-105.png">105</a>]</span>prehend +some of the subjects they investigated, +or acquire from their reasoning +what might be termed a moral +sense. But my fondness of reading increasing, +and my master occasionally +shutting himself up in this retreat, for +weeks together, to write, I had many +opportunities of improvement. At +first, considering money <ins class="err" title="Transcriber's Note: original reads '(I was right!" exclaimed'">I was right!" (</ins>exclaimed Jemima, altering her tone of +voice) "as the only means, after my loss +of reputation, of obtaining respect, or +even the toleration of humanity, I had +not the least scruple to secrete a part of +the sums intrusted to me, and to screen +myself from detection by a system of +falshood. But, acquiring new principles, +I began to have the ambition of +returning to the respectable part of society, +and was weak enough to suppose +it possible. The attention of my unas<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-106" id="APg_1-106"></a>[<a href="images/v1-106.png">106</a>]</span>suming +instructor, who, without being +ignorant of his own powers, possessed +great simplicity of manners, strengthened +the illusion. Having sometimes +caught up hints for thought, from my +untutored remarks, he often led me to +discuss the subjects he was treating, +and would read to me his productions, +previous to their publication, wishing +to profit by the criticism of unsophisticated +feeling. The aim of his writings +was to touch the simple springs of +the heart; for he despised the would-be +oracles, the self-elected philosophers, +who fright away fancy, while sifting +each grain of thought to prove that +slowness of comprehension is wisdom.</p> + +<p>"I should have distinguished this as +a moment of sunshine, a happy period +in my life, had not the repugnance the +disgusting libertinism of my protector<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-107" id="APg_1-107"></a>[<a href="images/v1-107.png">107</a>]</span> +inspired, daily become more painful.—And, +indeed, I soon did recollect it as +such with agony, when his sudden +death (for he had recourse to the most +exhilarating cordials to keep up the +convivial tone of his spirits) again +threw me into the desert of human society. +Had he had any time for reflection, +I am certain he would have +left the little property in his power to +me: but, attacked by the fatal apoplexy +in town, his heir, a man of +rigid morals, brought his wife with +him to take possession of the house and +effects, before I was even informed of +his death,—'to prevent,' as she took +care indirectly to tell me, 'such a +creature as she supposed me to be, from +purloining any of them, had I been +apprized of the event in time.'</p> + +<p>"The grief I felt at the sudden<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-108" id="APg_1-108"></a>[<a href="images/v1-108.png">108</a>]</span> +shock the information gave me, which +at first had nothing selfish in it, was +treated with contempt, and I was ordered +to pack up my clothes; and a few +trinkets and books, given me by the +generous deceased, were contested, +while they piously hoped, with a reprobating +shake of the head, 'that +God would have mercy on his sinful +soul!' With some difficulty, I obtained +my arrears of wages; but asking—such +is the spirit-grinding consequence +of poverty and infamy—for a character +for honesty and economy, which God +knows I merited, I was told by this—why +must I call her woman?—'that +it would go against her conscience to +recommend a kept mistress.' Tears +started in my eyes, burning tears; for +there are situations in which a wretch<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-109" id="APg_1-109"></a>[<a href="images/v1-109.png">109</a>]</span> +is humbled by the contempt they are +conscious they do not deserve.</p> + +<p>"I returned to the metropolis; but +the solitude of a poor lodging was inconceivably +dreary, after the society I +had enjoyed. To be cut off from human +converse, now I had been taught +to relish it, was to wander a ghost +among the living. Besides, I foresaw, to +aggravate the severity of my fate, that +my little pittance would soon melt +away. I endeavoured to obtain needlework; +but, not having been taught early, +and my hands being rendered clumsy +by hard work, I did not sufficiently excel +to be employed by the ready-made +linen shops, when so many women, +better qualified, were suing for it. +The want of a character prevented my +getting a place; for, irksome as servitude +would have been to me, I should<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-110" id="APg_1-110"></a>[<a href="images/v1-110.png">110</a>]</span> +have made another trial, had it been +feasible. Not that I disliked employment, +but the inequality of condition +to which I must have submitted. +I had acquired a taste for literature, +during the five years I had lived with +a literary man, occasionally conversing +with men of the first abilities of the +age; and now to descend to the lowest +vulgarity, was a degree of wretchedness +not to be imagined unfelt. I had +not, it is true, tasted the charms of affection, +but I had been familiar with +the graces of humanity.</p> + +<p>"One of the gentlemen, whom I +had frequently dined in company with, +while I was treated like a companion, +met me in the street, and enquired +after my health. I seized the occasion, +and began to describe my situation; +but he was in haste to join, at dinner,<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-111" id="APg_1-111"></a>[<a href="images/v1-111.png">111</a>]</span> +a select party of choice spirits; therefore, +without waiting to hear me, he +impatiently put a guinea into my hand, +saying, 'It was a pity such a sensible +woman should be in distress—he wished +me well from his soul.'</p> + +<p>"To another I wrote, stating my case, +and requesting advice. He was an advocate +for unequivocal sincerity; and +had often, in my presence, descanted +on the evils which arise in society from +the despotism of rank and riches.</p> + +<p>"In reply, I received a long essay on +the energy of the human mind, with +continual allusions to his own force of +character. He added, 'That the woman +who could write such a letter as I +had sent him, could never be in want +of resources, were she to look into herself, +and exert her powers; misery was +the consequence of indolence, and, as<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-112" id="APg_1-112"></a>[<a href="images/v1-112.png">112</a>]</span> +to my being shut out from society, it +was the lot of man to submit to certain +privations.'</p> + +<p>"How often have I heard," said +Jemima, interrupting her narrative, +"in conversation, and read in books, +that every person willing to work may +find employment? It is the vague assertion, +I believe, of insensible indolence, +when it relates to men; but, with +respect to women, I am sure of its fallacy, +unless they will submit to the +most menial bodily labour; and even +to be employed at hard labour is out of +the reach of many, whose reputation +misfortune or folly has tainted.</p> + +<p>"How writers, professing to be friends +to freedom, and the improvement of +morals, can assert that poverty is no +evil, I cannot imagine."</p> + +<p>"No more can I," interrupted Ma<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-113" id="APg_1-113"></a>[<a href="images/v1-113.png">113</a>]</span>ria, +"yet they even expatiate on the +peculiar happiness of indigence, though +in what it can consist, excepting in +brutal rest, when a man can barely earn +a subsistence, I cannot imagine. The +mind is necessarily imprisoned in its +own little tenement; and, fully occupied +by keeping it in repair, has not +time to rove abroad for improvement. +The book of knowledge is closely +clasped, against those who must fulfil +their daily task of severe manual labour +or die; and curiosity, rarely excited by +thought or information, seldom moves +on the stagnate lake of ignorance."</p> + +<p>"As far as I have been able to observe," +replied Jemima, "prejudices, +caught up by chance, are obstinately +maintained by the poor, to the exclusion +of improvement; they have not +time to reason or reflect to any extent,<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-114" id="APg_1-114"></a>[<a href="images/v1-114.png">114</a>]</span> +or minds sufficiently exercised to adopt +the principles of action, which form +perhaps the only basis of contentment +in every station<a name="AFNanchor_114-A_5" id="AFNanchor_114-A_5"></a><a href="#AFootnote_114-A_5" class="fnanchor">[114-A]</a>."</p> + +<hr /> + +<p>"And independence," said Darnford, +"they are necessarily strangers to, +even the independence of despising their +persecutors. If the poor are happy, or +can be happy, <i>things are very well as they +are</i>. And I cannot conceive on what +principle those writers contend for a +change of system, who support this +opinion. The authors on the other +side of the question are much more +consistent, who grant the fact; yet, insisting +that it is the lot of the majority<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-115" id="APg_1-115"></a>[<a href="images/v1-115.png">115</a>]</span> +to be oppressed in this life, kindly turn +them over to another, to rectify the +false weights and measures of this, as +the only way to justify the dispensations +of Providence. I have not," continued +Darnford, "an opinion more firmly +fixed by observation in my mind, than +that, though riches may fail to produce +proportionate happiness, poverty most +commonly excludes it, by shutting up +all the avenues to improvement."</p> + +<p>"And as for the affections," added +Maria, with a sigh, "how gross, and +even tormenting do they become, unless +regulated by an improving mind! +The culture of the heart ever, I believe, +keeps pace with that of the +mind. But pray go on," addressing +Jemima, "though your narrative gives +rise to the most painful reflections on +the present state of society."</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-116" id="APg_1-116"></a>[<a href="images/v1-116.png">116</a>]</span> +"Not to trouble you," continued +she, "with a detailed description of all +the painful feelings of unavailing exertion, +I have only to tell you, that at +last I got recommended to wash in a +few families, who did me the favour +to admit me into their houses, without +the most strict enquiry, to wash from +one in the morning till eight at night, +for eighteen or twenty-pence a day. +On the happiness to be enjoyed over a +washing-tub I need not comment; yet +you will allow me to observe, that this +was a wretchedness of situation peculiar +to my sex. A man with half my industry, +and, I may say, abilities, could +have procured a decent livelihood, and +discharged some of the duties which +knit mankind together; whilst I, who +had acquired a taste for the rational, nay, +in honest pride let me assert it, the<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-117" id="APg_1-117"></a>[<a href="images/v1-117.png">117</a>]</span> +virtuous enjoyments of life, was cast +aside as the filth of society. Condemned +to labour, like a machine, only +to earn bread, and scarcely that, I became +melancholy and desperate.</p> + +<p>"I have now to mention a circumstance +which fills me with remorse, and +fear it will entirely deprive me of your +esteem. A tradesman became attached +to me, and visited me frequently,—and +I at last obtained such a power over +him, that he offered to take me home +to his house.—Consider, dear madam, +I was famishing: wonder not that I became +a wolf!—The only reason for not +taking me home immediately, was the +having a girl in the house, with child +by him—and this girl—I advised him—yes, +I did! would I could forget it!—to +turn out of doors: and one night he +determined to follow my advice, Poor<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-118" id="APg_1-118"></a>[<a href="images/v1-118.png">118</a>]</span> +wretch! she fell upon her knees, reminded +him that he had promised to +marry her, that her parents were honest!—What +did it avail?—She was turned +out.</p> + +<p>"She approached her father's door, +in the skirts of London,—listened at +the shutters,—but could not knock. A +watchman had observed her go and +return several times—Poor wretch!—<ins class="err" title="Transcriber's Note: Errata: original reads '['">"</ins> The +remorse Jemima spoke of, seemed +to be stinging her to the soul, as she +proceeded.<ins class="err" title="Transcriber's Note: Errata: original reads ']'">"</ins></p> + +<p>"She left it, and, approaching a +tub where horses were watered, she +sat down in it, and, with desperate resolution, +remained in that attitude—till +resolution was no longer necessary!</p> + +<p>"I happened that morning to be +going out to wash, anticipating the +moment when I should escape from<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-119" id="APg_1-119"></a>[<a href="images/v1-119.png">119</a>]</span> +such hard labour. I passed by, just as +some men, going to work, drew out +the stiff, cold corpse—Let me not recal +the horrid moment!—I recognized +her pale visage; I listened to the tale +told by the spectators, and my heart +did not burst. I thought of my own +state, and wondered how I could be +such a monster!—I worked hard; and, +returning home, I was attacked by a +fever. I suffered both in body and mind. +I determined not to live with the +wretch. But he did not try me; he +left the neighbourhood. I once more +returned to the wash-tub.</p> + +<p>"Still this state, miserable as it was, +admitted of aggravation. Lifting one +day a heavy load, a tub fell against my +shin, and gave me great pain. I did +not pay much attention to the hurt, +till it became a serious wound; being<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-120" id="APg_1-120"></a>[<a href="images/v1-120.png">120</a>]</span> +obliged to work as usual, or starve. +But, finding myself at length unable +to stand for any time, I thought of +getting into an hospital. Hospitals, it +should seem (for they are comfortless +abodes for the sick) were expressly endowed +for the reception of the friendless; +yet I, who had on that plea a +right to assistance, wanted the recommendation +of the rich and respectable, +and was several weeks languishing for admittance; +fees were demanded on entering; +and, what was still more unreasonable, +security for burying me, that expence +not coming into the letter of the +charity. A guinea was the stipulated sum—I +could as soon have raised a million; +and I was afraid to apply to the parish +for an order, lest they should have +passed me, I knew not whither. The +poor woman at whose house I lodged, +compassionating my state, got me into<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-121" id="APg_1-121"></a>[<a href="images/v1-121.png">121</a>]</span> +the hospital; and the family where I +received the hurt, sent me five shillings, +three and six-pence of which I gave at +my admittance—I know not for what.</p> + +<p>"My leg grew quickly better; but +I was dismissed before my cure was +completed, because I could not afford +to have my linen washed to appear decently, +as the virago of a nurse said, +when the gentlemen (the surgeons) +came. I cannot give you an adequate +idea of the wretchedness of an hospital; +every thing is left to the care of people +intent on gain. The attendants seem +to have lost all feeling of compassion in +the bustling discharge of their offices; +death is so familiar to them, that they +are not anxious to ward it off. Every +thing appeared to be conducted for the +accommodation of the medical men +and their pupils, who came to make<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-122" id="APg_1-122"></a>[<a href="images/v1-122.png">122</a>]</span> +experiments on the poor, for the benefit +of the rich. One of the physicians, +I must not forget to mention, gave me +half-a-crown, and ordered me some +wine, when I was at the lowest ebb. I +thought of making my case known to +the lady-like matron; but her forbidding +countenance prevented me. She +condescended to look on the patients, +and make general enquiries, two or +three times a week; but the nurses +knew the hour when the visit of ceremony +would commence, and every +thing was as it should be.</p> + +<p>"After my dismission, I was more at +a loss than ever for a subsistence, and, +not to weary you with a repetition of +the same unavailing attempts, unable +to stand at the washing-tub, I began to +consider the rich and poor as natural +enemies, and became a thief from prin<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-123" id="APg_1-123"></a>[<a href="images/v1-123.png">123</a>]</span>ciple. +I could not now cease to reason, +but I hated mankind. I despised myself, +yet I justified my conduct. I was +taken, tried, and condemned to six +months' imprisonment in a house of +correction. My soul recoils with horror +from the remembrance of the insults I +had to endure, till, branded with shame, +I was turned loose in the street, pennyless. +I wandered from street to street, +till, exhausted by hunger and fatigue, I +sunk down senseless at a door, where +I had vainly demanded a morsel of +bread. I was sent by the inhabitant to +the work-house, to which he had surlily +bid me go, saying, he 'paid enough +in conscience to the poor,' when, with +parched tongue, I implored his charity. +If those well-meaning people who exclaim +against beggars, were acquainted +with the treatment the poor receive in<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-124" id="APg_1-124"></a>[<a href="images/v1-124.png">124</a>]</span> +many of these wretched asylums, they +would not stifle so easily involuntary +sympathy, by saying that they have all +parishes to go to, or wonder that the +poor dread to enter the gloomy walls. +What are the common run of work-houses, +but prisons, in which many +respectable old people, worn out by +immoderate labour, sink into the grave +in sorrow, to which they are carried +like dogs!"</p> + +<p>Alarmed by some indistinct noise, +Jemima rose hastily to listen, and Maria, +turning to Darnford, said, "I have indeed +been shocked beyond expression +when I have met a pauper's funeral. A +coffin carried on the shoulders of three +or four ill-looking wretches, whom the +imagination might easily convert into a +band of assassins, hastening to conceal +the corpse, and quarrelling about the<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-125" id="APg_1-125"></a>[<a href="images/v1-125.png">125</a>]</span> +prey on their way. I know it is of +little consequence how we are consigned +to the earth; but I am led by +this brutal insensibility, to what even +the animal creation appears forcibly to +feel, to advert to the wretched, deserted +manner in which they died."</p> + +<p>"True," rejoined Darnford, "and, +till the rich will give more than a part +of their wealth, till they will give time +and attention to the wants of the distressed, +never let them boast of charity. +Let them open their hearts, and not +their purses, and employ their minds +in the service, if they are really actuated +by humanity; or charitable institutions +will always be the prey of the +lowest order of knaves."</p> + +<p>Jemima returning, seemed in haste +to finish her tale. "The overseer +farmed the poor of different parishes,<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-126" id="APg_1-126"></a>[<a href="images/v1-126.png">126</a>]</span> +and out of the bowels of poverty was +wrung the money with which he purchased +this dwelling, as a private receptacle +for madness. He had been +a keeper at a house of the same description, +and conceived that he could +make money much more readily in his +old occupation. He is a shrewd—shall +I say it?—villain. He observed something +resolute in my manner, and offered +to take me with him, and instruct +me how to treat the disturbed minds he +meant to intrust to my care. The +offer of forty pounds a year, and to quit +a workhouse, was not to be despised, +though the condition of shutting my +eyes and hardening my heart was annexed +to it.</p> + +<p>"I agreed to accompany him; and +four years have I been attendant on +many wretches, and"—she lowered<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-127" id="APg_1-127"></a>[<a href="images/v1-127.png">127</a>]</span> +her voice,—"the witness of many +enormities. In solitude my mind +seemed to recover its force, and many +of the sentiments which I imbibed in +the only tolerable period of my life, returned +with their full force. Still +what should induce me to be the champion +for suffering humanity?—Who +ever risked any thing for me?—Who +ever acknowledged me to be a fellow-creature?"—</p> + +<p>Maria took her hand, and Jemima, +more overcome by kindness than she +had ever been by cruelty, hastened out +of the room to conceal her emotions.</p> + +<p>Darnford soon after heard his summons, +and, taking leave of him, Maria +promised to gratify his curiosity, +with respect to herself, the first +opportunity.</p> + +<div class="footnotes"><h3>FOOTNOTES:</h3> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="AFootnote_114-A_5" id="AFootnote_114-A_5"></a><a href="#AFNanchor_114-A_5"><span class="label">[114-A]</span></a> The copy which appears to have received the +author's last corrections, ends at this place.</p></div> +</div> + + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-128" id="APg_1-128"></a>[<a href="images/v1-128.png">128</a>]</span></p> +<h2><a name="ACHAP_VI" id="ACHAP_VI"></a>CHAP. VI.</h2> + + +<p><span class="smcap">Active</span> as love was in the heart +of Maria, the story she had just heard +made her thoughts take a wider range. +The opening buds of hope closed, as +if they had put forth too early, and the +the happiest day of her life was overcast +by the most melancholy reflections. +Thinking of Jemima's peculiar fate +and her own, she was led to consider +the oppressed state of women, and to +lament that she had given birth to a +daughter. Sleep fled from her eyelids, +while she dwelt on the wretchedness +of unprotected infancy, till sympathy +with Jemima changed to agony, +when it seemed probable that her own<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-129" id="APg_1-129"></a>[<a href="images/v1-129.png">129</a>]</span> +babe might even now be in the very +state she so forcibly described.</p> + +<p>Maria thought, and thought again. +Jemima's humanity had rather been +benumbed than killed, by the keen +frost she had to brave at her entrance +into life; an appeal then to her feelings, +on this tender point, surely +would not be fruitless; and Maria began +to anticipate the delight it would +afford her to gain intelligence of her +child. This project was now the only +subject of reflection; and she watched +impatiently for the dawn of day, with +that determinate purpose which generally +insures success.</p> + +<p>At the usual hour, Jemima brought +her breakfast, and a tender note from +Darnford. She ran her eye hastily over +it, and her heart calmly hoarded up +the rapture a fresh assurance of affec<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-130" id="APg_1-130"></a>[<a href="images/v1-130.png">130</a>]</span>tion, +affection such as she wished to +inspire, gave her, without diverting her +mind a moment from its design. While +Jemima waited to take away the +breakfast, Maria alluded to the reflections, +that had haunted her during the +night to the exclusion of sleep. She +spoke with energy of Jemima's unmerited +sufferings, and of the fate of a +number of deserted females, placed +within the sweep of a whirlwind, from +which it was next to impossible to +escape. Perceiving the effect her conversation +produced on the countenance +of her guard, she grasped the arm of +Jemima with that irresistible warmth +which defies repulse, exclaiming—"With +your heart, and such dreadful +experience, can you lend your aid to +deprive my babe of a mother's tenderness, +a mother's care? In the name<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-131" id="APg_1-131"></a>[<a href="images/v1-131.png">131</a>]</span> +of God, assist me to snatch her from +destruction! Let me but give her an +education—let me but prepare her +body and mind to encounter the ills +which await her sex, and I will teach +her to consider you as her second mother, +and herself as the prop of your +age. Yes, Jemima, look at me—observe +me closely, and read my very soul; +you merit a better fate;" she held out +her hand with a firm gesture of assurance; +"and I will procure it for you, +as a testimony of my esteem, as well as +of my gratitude."</p> + +<p>Jemima had not power to resist this +persuasive torrent; and, owning that +the house in which she was confined, +was situated on the banks of the +Thames, only a few miles from London, +and not on the sea-coast, as Darnford +had supposed, she promised to in<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-132" id="APg_1-132"></a>[<a href="images/v1-132.png">132</a>]</span>vent +some excuse for her absence, and +go herself to trace the situation, and +enquire concerning the health, of this +abandoned daughter. Her manner +implied an intention to do something +more, but she seemed unwilling to +impart her design; and Maria, glad to +have obtained the main point, thought +it best to leave her to the workings of +her own mind; convinced that she had +the power of interesting her still more +in favour of herself and child, by a +simple recital of facts.</p> + +<p>In the evening, Jemima informed the +impatient mother, that on the morrow +she should hasten to town before the family +hour of rising, and received all +the information necessary, as a clue to +her search. The "Good night!" Maria +uttered was peculiarly solemn and +affectionate. Glad expectation spar<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-133" id="APg_1-133"></a>[<a href="images/v1-133.png">133</a>]</span>kled +in her eye; and, for the first time +since her detention, she pronounced +the name of her child with pleasureable +fondness; and, with all the garrulity +of a nurse, described her first +smile when she recognized her mother. +Recollecting herself, a still +kinder "Adieu!" with a "God +bless you!"—that seemed to include +a maternal benediction, dismissed +Jemima.</p> + +<p>The dreary solitude of the ensuing +day, lengthened by impatiently dwelling +on the same idea, was intolerably +wearisome. She listened for the sound +of a particular clock, which some directions +of the wind allowed her to +hear distinctly. She marked the shadow +gaining on the wall; and, twilight +thickening into darkness, her breath +seemed oppressed while she anxiously<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-134" id="APg_1-134"></a>[<a href="images/v1-134.png">134</a>]</span> +counted nine.—The last sound was a +stroke of despair on her heart; for she +expected every moment, without seeing +Jemima, to have her light extinguished +by the savage female who supplied +her place. She was even obliged +to prepare for bed, restless as she was, +not to disoblige her new attendant. +She had been cautioned not to speak +too freely to her; but the caution was +needless, her countenance would still +more emphatically have made her +shrink back. Such was the ferocity of +manner, conspicuous in every word +and gesture of this hag, that Maria was +afraid to enquire, why Jemima, who +had faithfully promised to see her before +her door was shut for the night, came +not?—and, when the key turned in the +lock, to consign her to a night of suspence, +she felt a degree of anguish<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-135" id="APg_1-135"></a>[<a href="images/v1-135.png">135</a>]</span> +which the circumstances scarcely justified.</p> + +<p>Continually on the watch, the shutting +of a door, or the sound of a footstep, +made her start and tremble with +apprehension, something like what she +felt, when, at her entrance, dragged +along the gallery, she began to doubt +whether she were not surrounded by +demons?</p> + +<p>Fatigued by an endless rotation of +thought and wild alarms, she looked +like a spectre, when Jemima entered +in the morning; especially as her eyes +darted out of her head, to read in Jemima's +countenance, almost as pallid, +the intelligence she dared not trust her +tongue to demand. Jemima put down +the tea-things, and appeared very busy +in arranging the table. Maria took up +a cup with trembling hand, then for<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-136" id="APg_1-136"></a>[<a href="images/v1-136.png">136</a>]</span>cibly +recovering her fortitude, and restraining +the convulsive movement +which agitated the muscles of her +mouth, she said, "Spare yourself the +pain of preparing me for your information, +I adjure you!—My child is dead!" +Jemima solemnly answered, "Yes;" +with a look expressive of compassion +and angry emotions. "Leave me," +added Maria, making a fresh effort to +govern her feelings, and hiding her face +in her handkerchief, to conceal her anguish—"It +is enough—I know that my +babe is no more—I will hear the particulars +when I am"—<i>calmer</i>, she could not +utter; and Jemima, without importuning +her by idle attempts to console her, +left the room.</p> + +<p>Plunged in the deepest melancholy, +she would not admit Darnford's visits; +and such is the force of early associa<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-137" id="APg_1-137"></a>[<a href="images/v1-137.png">137</a>]</span>tions +even on strong minds, that, for +a while, she indulged the superstitious +notion that she was justly punished by +the death of her child, for having for an +instant ceased to regret her loss. Two +or three letters from Darnford, full of +soothing, manly tenderness, only added +poignancy to these accusing emotions; +yet the passionate style in which he expressed, +what he termed the first and +fondest wish of his heart, "that his affection +might make her some amends +for the cruelty and injustice she had endured," +inspired a sentiment of gratitude +to heaven; and her eyes filled +with delicious tears, when, at the conclusion +of his letter, wishing to supply +the place of her unworthy relations, +whose want of principle he execrated, +he assured her, calling her his dearest +girl, "that it should henceforth be the +business of his life to make her happy."</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-138" id="APg_1-138"></a>[<a href="images/v1-138.png">138</a>]</span> +He begged, in a note sent the following +morning, to be permitted to see +her, when his presence would be no intrusion +on her grief; and so earnestly +intreated to be allowed, according to +promise, to beguile the tedious moments +of absence, by dwelling on the +events of her past life, that she sent him +the memoirs which had been written +for her daughter, promising Jemima the +perusal as soon as he returned them.</p> + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-139" id="APg_1-139"></a>[<a href="images/v1-139.png">139</a>]</span></p> +<h2><a name="ACHAP_VII" id="ACHAP_VII"></a>CHAP. VII.</h2> + + +<p>"<span class="smcap">Addressing</span> these memoirs to +you, my child, uncertain whether I +shall ever have an opportunity of instructing +you, many observations will +probably flow from my heart, which +only a mother—a mother schooled in +misery, could make.</p> + +<p>"The tenderness of a father who knew +the world, might be great; but could it +equal that of a mother—of a mother, +labouring under a portion of the misery, +which the constitution of society seems +to have entailed on all her kind? It is, +my child, my dearest daughter, only +such a mother, who will dare to break +through all restraint to provide for your +happiness—who will voluntarily brave<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-140" id="APg_1-140"></a>[<a href="images/v1-140.png">140</a>]</span> +censure herself, to ward off sorrow from +your bosom. From my narrative, my +dear girl, you may gather the instruction, +the counsel, which is meant rather +to exercise than influence your +mind.—Death may snatch me from you, +before you can weigh my advice, or +enter into my reasoning: I would then, +with fond anxiety, lead you very early +in life to form your grand principle of +action, to save you from the vain regret +of having, through irresolution, let the +spring-tide of existence pass away, unimproved, +unenjoyed.—Gain experience—ah! +gain it—while experience is +worth having, and acquire sufficient +fortitude to pursue your own happiness; +it includes your utility, by a direct path. +What is wisdom too often, but the +owl of the goddess, who sits moping +in a desolated heart; around me she<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-141" id="APg_1-141"></a>[<a href="images/v1-141.png">141</a>]</span> +shrieks, but I would invite all the gay +warblers of spring to nestle in your +blooming bosom.—Had I not wasted +years in deliberating, after I ceased to +doubt, how I ought to have acted—I +might now be useful and happy.—For +my sake, warned by my example, always +appear what you are, and you +will not pass through existence without +enjoying its genuine blessings, love and +respect.</p> + +<p>"Born in one of the most romantic +parts of England, an enthusiastic fondness +for the varying charms of nature +is the first sentiment I recollect; or rather +it was the first consciousness of +pleasure that employed and formed my +imagination.</p> + +<p>"My father had been a captain +of a man of war; but, disgusted with +the service, on account of the pre<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-142" id="APg_1-142"></a>[<a href="images/v1-142.png">142</a>]</span>ferment +of men whose chief merit was +their family connections or borough +interest, he retired into the country; +and, not knowing what to do with +himself—married. In his family, to +regain his lost consequence, he determined +to keep up the same passive obedience, +as in the vessels in which he had +commanded. His orders were not to be +disputed; and the whole house was expected +to fly, at the word of command, +as if to man the shrouds, or mount aloft +in an elemental strife, big with life or +death. He was to be instantaneously +obeyed, especially by my mother, whom +he very benevolently married for love; +but took care to remind her of the obligation, +when she dared, in the slightest +instance, to question his absolute authority. +My eldest brother, it is true, as +he grew up, was treated with more re<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-143" id="APg_1-143"></a>[<a href="images/v1-143.png">143</a>]</span>spect +by my father; and became in due +form the deputy-tyrant of the house. +The representative of my father, a being +privileged by nature—a boy, and +the darling of my mother, he did not +fail to act like an heir apparent. Such +indeed was my mother's extravagant +partiality, that, in comparison with her +affection for him, she might be said not +to love the rest of her children. Yet +none of the children seemed to have so +little affection for her. Extreme indulgence +had rendered him so selfish, +that he only thought of himself; and +from tormenting insects and animals, he +became the despot of his brothers, and +still more of his sisters.</p> + +<p>"It is perhaps difficult to give you an +idea of the petty cares which obscured +the morning of my life; continual restraint +in the most trivial matters; un<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-144" id="APg_1-144"></a>[<a href="images/v1-144.png">144</a>]</span>conditional +submission to orders, which, +as a mere child, I soon discovered to be +unreasonable, because inconsistent and +contradictory. Thus are we destined +to experience a mixture of bitterness, +with the recollection of our most innocent +enjoyments.</p> + +<p>"The circumstances which, during +my childhood, occurred to fashion my +mind, were various; yet, as it would +probably afford me more pleasure to +revive the fading remembrance of new-born +delight, than you, my child, could +feel in the perusal, I will not entice +you to stray with me into the verdant +meadow, to search for the flowers that +youthful hopes scatter in every path; +though, as I write, I almost scent the +fresh green of spring—of that spring +which never returns!</p> + +<p>"I had two sisters, and one brother,<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-145" id="APg_1-145"></a>[<a href="images/v1-145.png">145</a>]</span> +younger than myself; my brother Robert +was two years older, and might +truly be termed the idol of his parents, +and the torment of the rest of the family. +Such indeed is the force of prejudice, +that what was called spirit and +wit in him, was cruelly repressed as +forwardness in me.</p> + +<p>"My mother had an indolence of +character, which prevented her from +paying much attention to our education. +But the healthy breeze of a +neighbouring heath, on which we +bounded at pleasure, volatilized the +humours that improper food might +have generated. And to enjoy open +air and freedom, was paradise, after +the unnatural restraint of our fire-side, +where we were often obliged to sit +three or four hours together, without +daring to utter a word, when my fa<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-146" id="APg_1-146"></a>[<a href="images/v1-146.png">146</a>]</span>ther +was out of humour, from want of +employment, or of a variety of boisterous +amusement. I had however one +advantage, an instructor, the brother +of my father, who, intended for the +church, had of course received a +liberal education. But, becoming attached +to a young lady of great beauty +and large fortune, and acquiring in the +world some opinions not consonant +with the profession for which he was +designed, he accepted, with the most +sanguine expectations of success, the +offer of a nobleman to accompany him +to India, as his confidential secretary.</p> + +<p>"A correspondence was regularly +kept up with the object of his affection; +and the intricacies of business, peculiarly +wearisome to a man of a romantic +turn of mind, contributed, with a forced +absence, to increase his attachment.<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-147" id="APg_1-147"></a>[<a href="images/v1-147.png">147</a>]</span> +Every other passion was lost in this +master-one, and only served to swell the +torrent. Her relations, such were his +waking dreams, who had despised him, +would court in their turn his alliance, +and all the blandishments of taste would +grace the triumph of love.—While he +basked in the warm sunshine of love, +friendship also promised to shed its +dewy freshness; for a friend, whom he +loved next to his mistress, was the confident, +who forwarded the letters from +one to the other, to elude the observation +of prying relations. A friend false +in similar circumstances, is, my dearest +girl, an old tale; yet, let not this example, +or the frigid caution of cold-blooded +moralists, make you endeavour +to stifle hopes, which are the buds that +naturally unfold themselves during the +spring of life! Whilst your own heart<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-148" id="APg_1-148"></a>[<a href="images/v1-148.png">148</a>]</span> +is sincere, always expect to meet one +glowing with the same sentiments; for +to fly from pleasure, is not to avoid +pain!</p> + +<p>"My uncle realized, by good luck, +rather than management, a handsome +fortune; and returning on the wings of +love, lost in the most enchanting reveries, +to England, to share it with his +mistress and his friend, he found them—united.</p> + +<p>"There were some circumstances, not +necessary for me to recite, which aggravated +the guilt of the friend beyond measure, +and the deception, that had been carried +on to the last moment, was so base, +it produced the most violent effect on +my uncle's health and spirits. His native +country, the world! lately a garden of +blooming sweets, blasted by treachery, +seemed changed into a parched desert,<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-149" id="APg_1-149"></a>[<a href="images/v1-149.png">149</a>]</span> +the abode of hissing serpents. Disappointment +rankled in his heart; and, +brooding over his wrongs, he was attacked +by a raging fever, followed by +a derangement of mind, which only +gave place to habitual melancholy, as +he recovered more strength of body.</p> + +<p>"Declaring an intention never to +marry, his relations were ever clustering +about him, paying the grossest adulation +to a man, who, disgusted with +mankind, received them with scorn, or +bitter sarcasms. Something in my +countenance pleased him, when I began +to prattle. Since his return, he appeared +dead to affection; but I soon, +by showing him innocent fondness, became +a favourite; and endeavouring +to enlarge and strengthen my mind, I +grew dear to him in proportion as I imbibed +his sentiments. He had a forcible<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-150" id="APg_1-150"></a>[<a href="images/v1-150.png">150</a>]</span> +manner of speaking, rendered more +so by a certain impressive wildness of +look and gesture, calculated to engage +the attention of a young and ardent +mind. It is not then surprising that I +quickly adopted his opinions in preference, +and reverenced him as one of +a superior order of beings. He inculcated, +with great warmth, self-respect, +and a lofty consciousness of acting +right, independent of the censure or +applause of the world; nay, he almost +taught me to brave, and even despise +its censure, when convinced of the rectitude +of my own intentions.</p> + +<p>"Endeavouring to prove to me that +nothing which deserved the name of +love or friendship, existed in the world, +he drew such animated pictures of his +own feelings, rendered permanent by +disappointment, as imprinted the sen<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-151" id="APg_1-151"></a>[<a href="images/v1-151.png">151</a>]</span>timents +strongly on my heart, and animated +my imagination. These remarks +are necessary to elucidate some peculiarities +in my character, which by the +world are indefinitely termed romantic.</p> + +<p>"My uncle's increasing affection led +him to visit me often. Still, unable to +rest in any place, he did not remain +long in the country to soften domestic +tyranny; but he brought me books, for +which I had a passion, and they conspired +with his conversation, to make +me form an ideal picture of life. I shall +pass over the tyranny of my father, +much as I suffered from it; but it is +necessary to notice, that it undermined +my mother's health; and that +her temper, continually irritated by +domestic bickering, became intolerably +peevish.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-152" id="APg_1-152"></a>[<a href="images/v1-152.png">152</a>]</span> +"My eldest brother was articled to a +neighbouring attorney, the shrewdest, +and, I may add, the most unprincipled +man in that part of the country. As +my brother generally came home every +Saturday, to astonish my mother by +exhibiting his attainments, he gradually +assumed a right of directing the +whole family, not excepting my father. +He seemed to take a peculiar pleasure +in tormenting and humbling me; and +if I ever ventured to complain of this +treatment to either my father or mother, +I was rudely rebuffed for presuming +to judge of the conduct of my eldest +brother.</p> + +<p>"About this period a merchant's +family came to settle in our neighbourhood. +A mansion-house in the village, +lately purchased, had been preparing +the whole spring, and the sight of the<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-153" id="APg_1-153"></a>[<a href="images/v1-153.png">153</a>]</span> +costly furniture, sent from London, had +excited my mother's envy, and roused +my father's pride. My sensations were +very different, and all of a pleasurable +kind. I longed to see new characters, +to break the tedious monotony of my +life; and to find a friend, such as fancy +had pourtrayed. I cannot then describe +the emotion I felt, the Sunday they +made their appearance at church. My +eyes were rivetted on the pillar round +which I expected first to catch a glimpse +of them, and darted forth to meet a +servant who hastily preceded a group +of ladies, whose white robes and waving +plumes, seemed to stream along the +gloomy aisle, diffusing the light, by +which I contemplated their figures.</p> + +<p>"We visited them in form; and I +quickly selected the eldest daughter for +my friend. The second son, George,<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-154" id="APg_1-154"></a>[<a href="images/v1-154.png">154</a>]</span> +paid me particular attention, and finding +his attainments and manners superior +to those of the young men of the +village, I began to imagine him superior +to the rest of mankind. Had my home +been more comfortable, or my previous +acquaintance more numerous, I should +not probably have been so eager to +open my heart to new affections.</p> + +<p>"Mr. Venables, the merchant, had +acquired a large fortune by unremitting +attention to business; but his health declining +rapidly, he was obliged to retire, +before his son, George, had acquired +sufficient experience, to enable +him to conduct their affairs on the same +prudential plan, his father had invariably +pursued. Indeed, he had laboured +to throw off his authority, +having despised his narrow plans and +cautious speculation. The eldest son<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-155" id="APg_1-155"></a>[<a href="images/v1-155.png">155</a>]</span> +could not be prevailed on to enter the +firm; and, to oblige his wife, and have +peace in the house, Mr. Venables had +purchased a commission for him in the +guards.</p> + +<p>"I am now alluding to circumstances +which came to my knowledge long +after; but it is necessary, my dearest +child, that you should know the character +of your father, to prevent your +despising your mother; the only parent +inclined to discharge a parent's duty. +In London, George had acquired habits +of libertinism, which he carefully concealed +from his father and his commercial +connections. The mask he +wore, was so complete a covering of +his real visage, that the praise his father +lavished on his conduct, and, poor +mistaken man! on his principles, contrasted +with his brother's, rendered the<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-156" id="APg_1-156"></a>[<a href="images/v1-156.png">156</a>]</span> +notice he took of me peculiarly flattering. +Without any fixed design, as I +am now convinced, he continued to +single me out at the dance, press my +hand at parting, and utter expressions +of unmeaning passion, to which I gave +a meaning naturally suggested by the +romantic turn of my thoughts. His +stay in the country was short; his manners +did not entirely please me; but, +when he left us, the colouring of my +picture became more vivid—Whither +did not my imagination lead me? In +short, I fancied myself in love—in love +with the disinterestedness, fortitude, +generosity, dignity, and humanity, with +which I had invested the hero I dubbed. +A circumstance which soon after +occurred, rendered all these virtues +palpable. [The incident is perhaps +worth relating on other accounts, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-157" id="APg_1-157"></a>[<a href="images/v1-157.png">157</a>]</span> +therefore I shall describe it distinctly.]</p> + +<p>"I had a great affection for my nurse, +old Mary, for whom I used often to +work, to spare her eyes. Mary had a +younger sister, married to a sailor, while +she was suckling me; for my mother +only suckled my eldest brother, which +might be the cause of her extraordinary +partiality. Peggy, Mary's sister, lived +with her, till her husband, becoming a +mate in a West-India trader, got a little +before-hand in the world. He +wrote to his wife from the first port in +the Channel, after his most successful +voyage, to request her to come to +London to meet him; he even wished +her to determine on living there for the +future, to save him the trouble of coming +to her the moment he came on +shore; and to turn a penny by keeping<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-158" id="APg_1-158"></a>[<a href="images/v1-158.png">158</a>]</span> +a green-stall. It was too much to set out +on a journey the moment he had finished +a voyage, and fifty miles by land, was +worse than a thousand leagues by sea.</p> + +<p>"She packed up her alls, and came to +London—but did not meet honest Daniel. +A common misfortune prevented +her, and the poor are bound to suffer +for the good of their country—he was +pressed in the river—and never came on +shore.</p> + +<p>"Peggy was miserable in London, +not knowing, as she said, 'the face of +any living soul.' Besides, her imagination +had been employed, anticipating +a month or six weeks' happiness with +her husband. Daniel was to have gone +with her to Sadler's Wells, and Westminster +Abbey, and to many sights, +which he knew she never heard of in +the country. Peggy too was thrifty,<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-159" id="APg_1-159"></a>[<a href="images/v1-159.png">159</a>]</span> +and how could she manage to put his +plan in execution alone? He had acquaintance; +but she did not know the +very name of their places of abode. +His letters were made up of—How do +you does, and God bless yous,—information +was reserved for the hour of +meeting.</p> + +<p>"She too had her portion of information, +near at heart. Molly and Jacky +were grown such little darlings, she +was almost angry that daddy did not +see their tricks. She had not half the +pleasure she should have had from their +prattle, could she have recounted to +him each night the pretty speeches of +the day. Some stories, however, were +stored up—and Jacky could say papa +with such a sweet voice, it must delight +his heart. Yet when she came, and +found no Daniel to greet her, when<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-160" id="APg_1-160"></a>[<a href="images/v1-160.png">160</a>]</span> +Jacky called papa, she wept, bidding +'God bless his innocent soul, that +did not know what sorrow was.'—But +more sorrow was in store for Peggy, +innocent as she was.—Daniel was killed +in the first engagement, and then +the <i>papa</i> was agony, sounding to the +heart.</p> + +<p>"She had lived sparingly on his wages, +while there was any hope of his return; +but, that gone, she returned with a +breaking heart to the country, to a +little market town, nearly three miles +from our village. She did not like to +go to service, to be snubbed about, +after being her own mistress. To put +her children out to nurse was impossible: +how far would her wages go? and +to send them to her husband's parish, a +distant one, was to lose her husband +twice over.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-161" id="APg_1-161"></a>[<a href="images/v1-161.png">161</a>]</span> +"I had heard all from Mary, and +made my uncle furnish a little cottage +for her, to enable her to sell—so sacred +was poor Daniel's advice, now he was +dead and gone—a little fruit, toys and +cakes. The minding of the shop did +not require her whole time, nor even +the keeping her children clean, and +she loved to see them clean; so she took +in washing, and altogether made a shift +to earn bread for her children, still +weeping for Daniel, when Jacky's arch +looks made her think of his father.—It +was pleasant to work for her children.—'Yes; +from morning till night, +could she have had a kiss from their +father, God rest his soul! Yes; had +it <ins class="err" title="Transcriber's Note: original reads 'plased'">pleased</ins> Providence to have let him +come back without a leg or an arm, it +would have been the same thing to her—for +she did not love him because he<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-162" id="APg_1-162"></a>[<a href="images/v1-162.png">162</a>]</span> +maintained them—no; she had hands +of her own.'</p> + +<p>"The country people were honest, +and Peggy left her linen out to dry +very late. A recruiting party, as she +supposed, passing through, made free +with a large wash; for it was all swept +away, including her own and her children's +little stock.</p> + +<p>"This was a dreadful blow; two dozen +of shirts, stocks and handkerchiefs. +She gave the money which she +had laid by for half a year's rent, and +promised to pay two shillings a week +till all was cleared; so she did not lose +her employment. This two shillings a +week, and the buying a few necessaries +for the children, drove her so hard, +that she had not a penny to pay her rent +with, when a twelvemonth's became +due.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-163" id="APg_1-163"></a>[<a href="images/v1-163.png">163</a>]</span> +"She was now with Mary, and had +just told her tale, which Mary instantly +repeated—it was intended for my +ear. Many houses in this town, producing +a borough-interest, were included +in the estate purchased by Mr. +Venables, and the attorney with whom +my brother lived, was appointed his +agent, to collect and raise the rents.</p> + +<p>"He demanded Peggy's, and, in +spite of her intreaties, her poor goods +had been seized and sold. So that she +had not, and what was worse her children, +'for she had known sorrow +enough,' a bed to lie on. She knew +that I was good-natured—right charitable, +yet not liking to ask for more +than needs must, she scorned to petition +while people could any how be +made to wait. But now, should she +be turned out of doors, she must ex<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-164" id="APg_1-164"></a>[<a href="images/v1-164.png">164</a>]</span>pect +nothing less than to lose all her +customers, and then she must beg or +starve—and what would become of her +children?—'had Daniel not been +pressed—but God knows best—all this +could not have happened.'</p> + +<p>"I had two mattrasses on my bed; +what did I want with two, when +such a worthy creature must lie on the +ground? My mother would be angry, +but I could conceal it till my uncle +came down; and then I would tell him +all the whole truth, and if he absolved +me, heaven would.</p> + +<p>"I begged the house-maid to come +up stairs with me (servants always feel +for the distresses of poverty, and so +would the rich if they knew what it +was). She assisted me to tie up the +mattrass; I discovering, at the same +time, that one blanket would serve me<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-165" id="APg_1-165"></a>[<a href="images/v1-165.png">165</a>]</span> +till winter, could I persuade my sister, +who slept with me, to keep my secret. +She entering in the midst of the package, +I gave her some new feathers, to +silence her. We got the mattrass +down the back stairs, unperceived, +and I helped to carry it, taking with +me all the money I had, and what I +could borrow from my sister.</p> + +<p>"When I got to the cottage, Peggy +declared that she would not take what +I had brought secretly; but, when, +with all the eager eloquence inspired +by a decided purpose, I grasped her +hand with weeping eyes, assuring her +that my uncle would screen me from +blame, when he was once more in the +country, describing, at the same time, +what she would suffer in parting with +her children, after keeping them so +long from being thrown on the parish, +she reluctantly consented.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-166" id="APg_1-166"></a>[<a href="images/v1-166.png">166</a>]</span> +"My project of usefulness ended not +here; I determined to speak to the +attorney; he frequently paid me compliments. +His character did not intimidate +me; but, imagining that Peggy +must be mistaken, and that no man +could turn a deaf ear to such a tale of +complicated distress, I determined to +walk to the town with Mary the next +morning, and request him to wait for +the rent, and keep my secret, till my +uncle's return.</p> + +<p>"My repose was sweet; and, waking +with the first dawn of day, I bounded +to Mary's cottage. What charms do +not a light heart spread over nature! +Every bird that twittered in a bush, +every flower that enlivened the hedge, +seemed placed there to awaken me to +rapture—yes; to rapture. The present +moment was full fraught with happi<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-167" id="APg_1-167"></a>[<a href="images/v1-167.png">167</a>]</span>ness; +and on futurity I bestowed not a +thought, excepting to anticipate my +success with the attorney.</p> + +<p>"This man of the world, with rosy +face and simpering features, received +me politely, nay kindly; listened with +complacency to my remonstrances, +though he scarcely heeded Mary's tears. +I did not then suspect, that my eloquence +was in my complexion, the +blush of seventeen, or that, in a world +where humanity to women is the characteristic +of advancing civilization, the +beauty of a young girl was so much +more interesting than the distress of an +old one. Pressing my hand, he promised +to let Peggy remain in the house +as long as I wished.—I more than returned +the pressure—I was so grateful +and so happy. Emboldened by my innocent +warmth, he then kissed me<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-168" id="APg_1-168"></a>[<a href="images/v1-168.png">168</a>]</span>—and +I did not draw back—I took it for +a kiss of charity.</p> + +<p>"Gay as a lark, I went to dine at Mr. +Venables'. I had previously obtained +five shillings from my father, towards +re-clothing the poor children of my +care, and prevailed on my mother to +take one of the girls into the house, whom +I determined to teach to work and read.</p> + +<p>"After dinner, when the younger part +of the circle retired to the music room, +I recounted with energy my tale; that +is, I mentioned Peggy's distress, without +hinting at the steps I had taken to +relieve her. Miss Venables gave me +half-a-crown; the heir five shillings; +but George sat unmoved. I was cruelly +distressed by the disappointment—I +scarcely could remain on my chair; +and, could I have got out of the room +unperceived, I should have flown home, +as if to run away from myself. After<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-169" id="APg_1-169"></a>[<a href="images/v1-169.png">169</a>]</span> +several vain attempts to rise, I leaned +my head against the marble chimney-piece, +and gazing on the evergreens +that filled the fire-place, moralized on +the vanity of human expectations; regardless +of the company. I was roused +by a gentle tap on my shoulder from +behind Charlotte's chair. I turned +my head, and George slid a guinea into +my hand, putting his finger to his +mouth, to enjoin me silence.</p> + +<p>"What a revolution took place, not +only in my train of thoughts, but feelings! +I trembled with emotion—now, +indeed, I was in love. Such delicacy +too, to enhance his benevolence! I felt +in my pocket every five minutes, only +to feel the guinea; and its magic touch +invested my hero with more than mortal +beauty. My fancy had found a basis +to erect its model of perfection on;<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-170" id="APg_1-170"></a>[<a href="images/v1-170.png">170</a>]</span> +and quickly went to work, with all the +happy credulity of youth, to consider +that heart as devoted to virtue, which +had only obeyed a virtuous impulse. +The bitter experience was yet to come, +that has taught me how very distinct +are the principles of virtue, from the +casual feelings from which they germinate.</p> + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-171" id="APg_1-171"></a>[<a href="images/v1-171.png">171</a>]</span></p> +<h2><a name="ACHAP_VIII" id="ACHAP_VIII"></a>CHAP. VIII.</h2> + + +<p>"<span class="smcap">I have</span> perhaps dwelt too long on +a circumstance, which is only of importance +as it marks the progress of a +deception that has been so fatal to my +peace; and introduces to your notice a +poor girl, whom, intending to serve, I led +to ruin. Still it is probable that I was +not entirely the victim of mistake; and +that your father, gradually fashioned +by the world, did not quickly become +what I hesitate to call him—out of +respect to my daughter.</p> + +<p>"But, to hasten to the more busy +scenes of my life. Mr. Venables and +my mother died the same summer; +and, wholly engrossed by my attention +to her, I thought of little else. +The neglect of her darling, my brother +Robert, had a violent effect on<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-172" id="APg_1-172"></a>[<a href="images/v1-172.png">172</a>]</span> +her weakened mind; for, though boys +may be reckoned the pillars of the +house without doors, girls are often the +only comfort within. They but too frequently +waste their health and spirits +attending a dying parent, who leaves +them in comparative poverty. After +closing, with filial piety, a father's +eyes, they are chased from the paternal +roof, to make room for the first-born, +the son, who is to carry the +empty family-name down to posterity; +though, occupied with his own pleasures, +he scarcely thought of discharging, +in the decline of his parent's life, +the debt contracted in his childhood. +My mother's conduct led me to make +these reflections. Great as was the fatigue +I endured, and the affection my +unceasing solicitude evinced, of which +my mother seemed perfectly sensible, +still, when my brother, whom I could<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-173" id="APg_1-173"></a>[<a href="images/v1-173.png">173</a>]</span> +hardly persuade to remain a quarter of +an hour in her chamber, was with her +alone, a short time before her death, +she gave him a little hoard, which she +had been some years accumulating.</p> + +<p>"During my mother's illness, I was +obliged to manage my father's temper, +who, from the lingering nature of her +malady, began to imagine that it was +merely fancy. At this period, an artful +kind of upper servant attracted my +father's attention, and the neighbours +made many remarks on the finery, not +honestly got, exhibited at evening service. +But I was too much occupied +with my mother to observe any change +in her dress or behaviour, or to listen to +the whisper of scandal.</p> + +<p>"I shall not dwell on the death-bed +scene, lively as is the remembrance, +or on the emotion produced by the last<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-174" id="APg_1-174"></a>[<a href="images/v1-174.png">174</a>]</span> +grasp of my mother's cold hand; when +blessing me, she added, 'A little patience, +and all will be over!' Ah! +my child, how often have those words +rung mournfully in my ears—and I +have exclaimed—'A little more patience, +and I too shall be at rest!'</p> + +<p>"My father was violently affected +by her death, recollected instances of +his unkindness, and wept like a child.</p> + +<p>"My mother had solemnly recommended +my sisters to my care, and bid +me be a mother to them. They, indeed, +became more dear to me as they +became more forlorn; for, during my +mother's illness, I discovered the ruined +state of my father's circumstances, +and that he had only been able to keep +up appearances, by the sums which he +borrowed of my uncle.</p> + +<p>"My father's grief, and consequent<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-175" id="APg_1-175"></a>[<a href="images/v1-175.png">175</a>]</span> +tenderness to his children, quickly +abated, the house grew still more +gloomy or riotous; and my refuge +from care was again at Mr. Venables'; +the young 'squire having taken his father's +place, and allowing, for the present, +his sister to preside at his table. +George, though dissatisfied with his +portion of the fortune, which had till +lately been all in trade, visited the family +as usual. He was now full of speculations +in trade, and his brow became +clouded by care. He seemed to relax +in his attention to me, when the presence +of my uncle gave a new turn to +his behaviour. I was too unsuspecting, +too disinterested, to trace these changes +to their source.</p> + +<p>My home every day became more +and more disagreeable to me; my liberty +was unnecessarily abridged, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-176" id="APg_1-176"></a>[<a href="images/v1-176.png">176</a>]</span> +my books, on the pretext that they made +me idle, taken from me. My father's +mistress was with child, and he, doating +on her, allowed or overlooked her +vulgar manner of tyrannizing over us. +I was indignant, especially when I saw +her endeavouring to attract, shall I +say seduce? my younger brother. By +allowing women but one way of rising +in the world, the fostering the libertinism +of men, society makes monsters +of them, and then their ignoble +vices are brought forward as a proof of +inferiority of intellect.</p> + +<p>The wearisomeness of my situation +can scarcely be described. Though my +life had not passed in the most even tenour +with my mother, it was paradise +to that I was destined to endure with +my father's mistress, jealous of her illegitimate +authority. My father's former<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-177" id="APg_1-177"></a>[<a href="images/v1-177.png">177</a>]</span> +occasional tenderness, in spite of his +violence of temper, had been soothing +to me; but now he only met me with +reproofs or portentous frowns. The +house-keeper, as she was now termed, +was the vulgar despot of the family; +and assuming the new character of a +fine lady, she could never forgive the +contempt which was sometimes visible +in my countenance, when she uttered +with pomposity her bad English, or +affected to be well bred.</p> + +<p>To my uncle I ventured to open my +heart; and he, with his wonted benevolence, +began to consider in what +manner he could extricate me out of +my present irksome situation. In spite +of his own disappointment, or, most +probably, actuated by the feelings that +had been petrified, not cooled, in all +their sanguine fervour, like a boiling +torrent of lava suddenly dashing into<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-178" id="APg_1-178"></a>[<a href="images/v1-178.png">178</a>]</span> +the sea, he thought a marriage of mutual +inclination (would envious stars +permit it) the only chance for happiness +in this disastrous world. George +Venables had the reputation of being +attentive to business, and my father's +example gave great weight to this circumstance; +for habits of order in business +would, he conceived, extend to +the regulation of the affections in domestic +life. George seldom spoke in +my uncle's company, except to utter a +short, judicious question, or to make a +pertinent remark, with all due deference +to his superior judgment; so that +my uncle seldom left his company without +observing, that the young man had +more in him than people supposed.</p> + +<p>In this opinion he was not singular; +yet, believe me, and I am not swayed +by resentment, these speeches so justly<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-179" id="APg_1-179"></a>[<a href="images/v1-179.png">179</a>]</span> +poized, this silent deference, when the +animal spirits of other young people +were throwing off youthful ebullitions, +were not the effect of thought or humility, +but sheer barrenness of mind, +and want of imagination. A colt of +mettle will curvet and shew his paces. +Yes; my dear girl, these prudent +young men want all the fire necessary +to ferment their faculties, and are characterized +as wise, only because they +are not foolish. It is true, that George +was by no means so great a favourite +of mine as during the first year of our +acquaintance; still, as he often coincided +in opinion with me, and echoed +my sentiments; and having myself no +other attachment, I heard with pleasure +my uncle's proposal; but thought +more of obtaining my freedom, than +of my lover. But, when George, seem<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-180" id="APg_1-180"></a>[<a href="images/v1-180.png">180</a>]</span>ingly +anxious for my happiness, pressed +me to quit my present painful situation, +my heart swelled with gratitude—I +knew not that my uncle had promised +him five thousand pounds.</p> + +<p>Had this truly generous man mentioned +his intention to me, I should have insisted +on a thousand pounds being settled +on each of my sisters; George would +have contested; I should have seen his +selfish soul; and—gracious God! have +been spared the misery of discovering, +when too late, that I was united to a +heartless, unprincipled wretch. All +my schemes of usefulness would not +then have been blasted. The tenderness +of my heart would not have heated +my imagination with visions of the +ineffable delight of happy love; nor +would the sweet duty of a mother have +been so cruelly interrupted.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-181" id="APg_1-181"></a>[<a href="images/v1-181.png">181</a>]</span> +But I must not suffer the fortitude +I have so hardly acquired, to be undermined +by unavailing regret. Let me +hasten forward to describe the turbid +stream in which I had to wade—but +let me exultingly declare that it is +passed—my soul holds fellowship with +him no more. He cut the Gordian +knot, which my principles, mistaken +ones, respected; he dissolved the tie, the +fetters rather, that ate into my very +vitals—and I should rejoice, conscious +that my mind is freed, though confined +in hell itself; the only place that even +fancy can imagine more dreadful than +my present abode.</p> + +<p>These varying emotions will not allow +me to proceed. I heave sigh after +sigh; yet my heart is still oppressed. +For what am I reserved? Why was I not +born a man, or why was I born at all?</p> + + +<h4>END OF VOL. I.</h4> +<hr class="full" /> + + + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-i_S" id="APg_1-i_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-i.png">i</a>]</span></p> + +<h1><a name="V1S" id="V1S"></a>POSTHUMOUS WORKS</h1> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h3>OF</h3> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h2>MARY WOLLSTONECRAFT GODWIN.</h2> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h2>VOL. I.</h2> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-ii_S" id="APg_1-ii_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-ii.png">ii</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-iii_S" id="APg_1-iii_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-iii.png">iii</a>]</span></p> + +<hr class="full" /> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h1>POSTHUMOUS WORKS</h1> + +<h3>OF THE</h3> + +<h1>AUTHOR</h1> + +<h3>OF A</h3> + +<h2>VINDICATION OF THE RIGHTS OF WOMAN.</h2> +<p> </p> +<h2>IN FOUR VOLUMES.</h2> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<hr /> +<p> </p> +<h1>VOL. I.</h1> +<p> </p> +<hr /> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h4><i>LONDON:</i></h4> + +<h5>PRINTED FOR J. JOHNSON, NO. 72, ST. PAUL'S<br /> + CHURCH-YARD; AND G. G. AND J. ROBINSON,<br /> + PATERNOSTER-ROW.<br /> + 1798.</h5> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-iv_S" id="APg_1-iv_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-iv.png">iv</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-v_S" id="APg_1-v_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-v.png">v</a>]</span></p> +<hr class="full" /> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h3>THE</h3> + +<h1>WRONGS OF WOMAN:</h1> + +<h3>OR,</h3> + +<h1>MARIA.</h1> + +<h2>A FRAGMENT.</h2> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h2>IN TWO VOLUMES.</h2> +<p> </p> +<hr /> +<p> </p> +<h1>VOL. I.</h1> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-vi_S" id="APg_1-vi_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-vi.png">vi</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-vii_S" id="APg_1-vii_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-vii.png">vii</a>]</span></p> + +<hr class="full" /> +<h2><a name="AV1_PREFACE_S" id="AV1_PREFACE_S"></a>PREFACE.</h2> + +<p><span class="smcap">The</span> public are here preſented with +the laſt literary attempt of an author, +whoſe fame has been uncommonly extenſive, +and whoſe talents have probably +been moſt admired, by the perſons +by whom talents are eſtimated +with the greateſt accuracy and diſcrimination. +There are few, to whom +her writings could in any caſe have<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-viii_S" id="APg_1-viii_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-viii.png">viii</a>]</span> +given pleaſure, that would have wiſhed +that this fragment ſhould have been +ſuppreſſed, becauſe it is a fragment. +There is a ſentiment, very dear to minds +of taſte and imagination, that finds a +melancholy delight in contemplating +theſe unfiniſhed productions of genius, +theſe ſketches of what, if they had +been filled up in a manner adequate to +the writer's conception, would perhaps +have given a new impulſe to the +manners of a world.</p> + +<p>The purpoſe and ſtructure of the +following work, had long formed a +favourite ſubject of meditation with +its author, and ſhe judged them capable +of producing an important effect.<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-ix_S" id="APg_1-ix_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-ix.png">ix</a>]</span> +The compoſition had been in progreſs +for a period of twelve months. She +was anxious to do juſtice to her conception, +and recommenced and reviſed +the manuſcript ſeveral different times. +So much of it as is here given to the +public, ſhe was far from conſidering +as finiſhed, and, in a letter to a friend +directly written on this ſubject, ſhe +ſays, "I am perfectly aware that ſome of +the incidents ought to be tranſpoſed, +and heightened by more harmonious +ſhading; and I wiſhed in ſome degree +to avail myſelf of criticiſm, before I +began to adjuſt my events into a ſtory, +the outline of which I had ſketched in<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-x_S" id="APg_1-x_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-x.png">x</a>]</span> +my mind<a name="AFNanchor_X-A_1_S" id="AFNanchor_X-A_1_S"></a><a href="#AFootnote_X-A_1_S" class="fnanchor">[x-A]</a>." The only friends to whom +the author communicated her manuſcript, +were Mr. Dyſon, the tranſlator +of the Sorcerer, and the preſent editor; +and it was impoſſible for the moſt inexperienced +author to diſplay a ſtronger +deſire of profiting by the cenſures and +ſentiments that might be ſuggeſted<a name="AFNanchor_X-B_2_S" id="AFNanchor_X-B_2_S"></a><a href="#AFootnote_X-B_2_S" class="fnanchor">[x-B]</a>.</p> + +<p>In reviſing theſe ſheets for the preſs, +it was neceſſary for the editor, in ſome +places, to connect the more finiſhed<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-xi_S" id="APg_1-xi_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-xi.png">xi</a>]</span> +parts with the pages of an older copy, +and a line or two in addition ſometimes +appeared requiſite for that purpoſe. +Wherever ſuch a liberty has been +taken, the additional phraſes will be +found incloſed in brackets; it being +the editor's moſt earneſt deſire, to +intrude nothing of himſelf into the +work, but to give to the public the +words, as well as ideas, of the real +author.</p> + +<p>What follows in the enſuing pages, +is not a preface regularly drawn out +by the author, but merely hints for a +preface, which, though never filled up +in the manner the writer intended, +appeared to be worth preſerving.</p> + +<p class="right">W. GODWIN.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-xii_S" id="APg_1-xii_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-xii.png">xii</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-xiii_S" id="APg_1-xiii_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-xiii.png">xiii</a>]</span></p> +<h2><a name="AAUTHORs_PREFACE_S" id="AAUTHORs_PREFACE_S"></a><span class="smcap">AUTHOR's PREFACE.</span></h2> + + +<p><span class="smcap">The</span> Wrongs of Woman, like the +wrongs of the oppreſſed part of mankind, +may be deemed neceſſary by +their oppreſſors: but ſurely there are +a few, who will dare to advance before +the improvement of the age, and +grant that my ſketches are not the +abortion of a diſtempered fancy, or +the ſtrong delineations of a wounded +heart.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-xiv_S" id="APg_1-xiv_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-xiv.png">xiv</a>]</span>In writing this novel, I have rather +endeavoured to pourtray paſſions than +manners.</p> + +<p>In many inſtances I could have made +the incidents more dramatic, would I +have ſacrificed my main object, the +deſire of exhibiting the miſery and +oppreſſion, peculiar to women, that +ariſe out of the partial laws and cuſtoms +of ſociety.</p> + +<p>In the invention of the ſtory, this +view reſtrained my fancy; and the +hiſtory ought rather to be conſidered, +as of woman, than of an individual.</p> + +<p>The ſentiments I have embodied.</p> + +<p>In many works of this ſpecies, the +hero is allowed to be mortal, and to<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-xv_S" id="APg_1-xv_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-xv.png">xv</a>]</span> +become wiſe and virtuous as well as +happy, by a train of events and circumſtances. +The heroines, on the +contrary, are to be born immaculate; +and to act like goddeſſes of wiſdom, juſt +come forth highly finiſhed Minervas +from the head of Jove.</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p>[The following is an extract of a +letter from the author to a friend, to +whom ſhe communicated her manuſcript.]</p> + +<hr /> + +<p>For my part, I cannot ſuppoſe any +ſituation more diſtreſſing, than for a<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-xvi_S" id="APg_1-xvi_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-xvi.png">xvi</a>]</span> +woman of ſenſibility, with an improving +mind, to be bound to ſuch a man +as I have deſcribed for life; obliged +to renounce all the humanizing affections, +and to avoid cultivating her +taſte, leſt her perception of grace and +refinement of ſentiment, ſhould ſharpen +to agony the pangs of diſappointment. +Love, in which the imagination +mingles its bewitching colouring, +muſt be foſtered by delicacy. I ſhould +deſpiſe, or rather call her an ordinary +woman, who could endure ſuch a huſband +as I have ſketched.</p> + +<p>Theſe appear to me (matrimonial +deſpotiſm of heart and conduct) to be +the peculiar Wrongs of Woman, be<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-xvii_S" id="APg_1-xvii_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-xvii.png">xvii</a>]</span>cauſe +they degrade the mind. What +are termed great miſfortunes, may +more forcibly impreſs the mind of common +readers; they have more of what +may juſtly be termed <i>ſtage-effect</i>; but +it is the delineation of finer ſenſations, +which, in my opinion, conſtitutes the +merit of our beſt novels. This is what +I have in view; and to ſhow the +wrongs of different claſſes of women, +equally oppreſſive, though, from the +difference of education, neceſſarily +various.</p> + +<div class="footnotes"><h3>FOOTNOTES:</h3> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="AFootnote_X-A_1_S" id="AFootnote_X-A_1_S"></a><a href="#AFNanchor_X-A_1_S"><span class="label">[x-A]</span></a> A more copious extract of this letter is ſubjoined +to the author's preface.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="AFootnote_X-B_2_S" id="AFootnote_X-B_2_S"></a><a href="#AFNanchor_X-B_2_S"><span class="label">[x-B]</span></a> The part communicated conſiſted of the +firſt fourteen chapters.</p></div> +</div> + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-xviii_S" id="APg_1-xviii_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-xviii.png">xviii</a>]</span></p> +<h2><a name="AERRATA_S" id="AERRATA_S"></a>ERRATA.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>Page 3, line 2, <i>dele</i> half.</p> + +<p>P. 81 and 118, <i>for</i> brackets [—], <i>read</i> +inverted commas " thus "</p></div> + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-xix_S" id="APg_1-xix_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-xix.png">xix</a>]</span></p> +<h2><a name="AV1_CONTENTS_S" id="AV1_CONTENTS_S"></a>CONTENTS.</h2> + +<p class="center"><span class="smcap"><a href="#V1">VOL. I.</a> and <a href="#V2">II.</a></span></p> + +<p class="center">The Wrongs of Woman, or Maria; a Fragment: +to which is added, the Firſt Book +of a Series of Leſſons for Children.</p> + +<p class="center"><span class="smcap"><a href="#V3">VOL. III.</a> and <a href="#V4">IV.</a></span></p> + +<p class="center">Letters and Miſcellaneous Pieces.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-xx_S" id="APg_1-xx_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-xx.png">xx</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-1_S" id="APg_1-1_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-1.png">1</a>]</span></p> + +<hr class="full" /> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h3><a name="AV1_WRONGS_S" id="AV1_WRONGS_S"></a><i>WRONGS</i></h3> +<p> </p> +<h3>OF</h3> +<p> </p> +<h2>WOMAN.</h2> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + +<hr /> + +<h2><a name="ACHAP_I_S" id="ACHAP_I_S"></a>CHAP. I.</h2> + +<p><span class="smcap">Abodes</span> of horror have frequently +been deſcribed, and caſtles, filled with +ſpectres and chimeras, conjured up by +the magic ſpell of genius to harrow the +ſoul, and abſorb the wondering mind. +But, formed of ſuch ſtuff as dreams are +made of, what were they to the manſion +of deſpair, in one corner of which +Maria ſat, endeavouring to recal her +ſcattered thoughts!</p> + +<p>Surpriſe, aſtoniſhment, that bordered +on diſtraction, ſeemed to have ſuſpend<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-2_S" id="APg_1-2_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-2.png">2</a>]</span>ed +her faculties, till, waking by degrees +to a keen ſenſe of anguiſh, a +whirlwind of rage and indignation +rouſed her torpid pulſe. One recollection +with frightful velocity following +another, threatened to fire her brain, +and make her a fit companion for the +terrific inhabitants, whoſe groans and +ſhrieks were no unſubſtantial ſounds of +whiſtling winds, or ſtartled birds, modulated +by a romantic fancy, which +amuſe while they affright; but ſuch +tones of miſery as carry a dreadful certainty +directly to the heart. What +effect muſt they then have produced on +one, true to the touch of ſympathy, and +tortured by maternal apprehenſion<ins class="err" title="Transcriber's Note: original reads '.!'">!</ins></p> + +<p>Her infant's image was continually +floating on Maria's ſight, and the firſt +ſmile of intelligence remembered, as +none but a mother, an unhappy mo<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-3_S" id="APg_1-3_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-3.png">3</a>]</span>ther, +can conceive. She heard her half +<ins class="err" title="Transcriber's Note: Errata: original reads 'speaking half'">ſpeaking</ins> cooing, and felt the little +twinkling fingers on her burning boſom—a +boſom burſting with the nutriment +for which this cheriſhed child +might now be pining in vain. From +a ſtranger ſhe could indeed receive the +maternal aliment, Maria was grieved +at the thought—but who would watch +her with a mother's tenderneſs, a mother's +ſelf-denial?</p> + +<p>The retreating ſhadows of former +ſorrows ruſhed back in a gloomy train, +and ſeemed to be pictured on the walls +of her priſon, magnified by the ſtate +of mind in which they were viewed—Still +ſhe mourned for her child, lamented +ſhe was a daughter, and anticipated +the aggravated ills of life that her ſex +rendered almoſt inevitable, even while +dreading ſhe was no more. To think<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-4_S" id="APg_1-4_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-4.png">4</a>]</span> +that ſhe was blotted out of exiſtence +was agony, when the imagination had +been long employed to expand her +faculties; yet to ſuppoſe her turned +adrift on an unknown ſea, was ſcarcely +leſs afflicting.</p> + +<p>After being two days the prey of impetuous, +varying emotions, Maria began +to reflect more calmly on her preſent +ſituation, for ſhe had actually been rendered +incapable of ſober reflection, by +the diſcovery of the act of atrocity of +which ſhe was the victim. She could +not have imagined, that, in all the fermentation +of civilized depravity, a ſimilar +plot could have entered a human +mind. She had been ſtunned by an unexpected +blow; yet life, however joyleſs, +was not to be indolently reſigned, +or miſery endured without exertion, +and proudly termed patience. She<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-5_S" id="APg_1-5_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-5.png">5</a>]</span> +had hitherto meditated only to point +the dart of anguiſh, and ſuppreſſed +the heart heavings of indignant nature +merely by the force of contempt. Now +ſhe endeavoured to brace her mind to +fortitude, and to aſk herſelf what was +to be her employment in her dreary +cell? Was it not to effect her eſcape, +to fly to the ſuccour of her child, and +to baffle the ſelfiſh ſchemes of her tyrant—her +huſband?</p> + +<p>Theſe thoughts rouſed her ſleeping +ſpirit, and the ſelf-poſſeſſion returned, +that ſeemed to have abandoned her in +the infernal ſolitude into which ſhe +had been precipitated. The firſt emotions +of overwhelming impatience began +to ſubſide, and reſentment gave +place to tenderneſs, and more tranquil +meditation; though anger once more +ſtopt the calm current of reflection<ins class="err" title="Transcriber's Note: original reads '.'">,</ins><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-6_S" id="APg_1-6_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-6.png">6</a>]</span> +when ſhe attempted to move her manacled +arms. But this was an outrage +that could only excite momentary feelings +of ſcorn, which evaporated in a +faint ſmile; for Maria was far from +thinking a perſonal inſult the moſt difficult +to endure with magnanimous indifference.</p> + +<p>She approached the ſmall grated +window of her chamber, and for a +conſiderable time only regarded the +blue expanſe; though it commanded +a view of a deſolate garden, and of +part of a huge pile of buildings, that, +after having been ſuffered, for half a +century, to fall to decay, had undergone +ſome clumſy repairs, merely to +render it habitable. The ivy had been +torn off the turrets, and the ſtones not +wanted to patch up the breaches of +time, and exclude the warring ele<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-7_S" id="APg_1-7_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-7.png">7</a>]</span>ments, +left in heaps in the diſordered +court. Maria contemplated this ſcene +ſhe knew not how long; or rather +gazed on the walls, and pondered on +her ſituation. To the maſter of this +moſt horrid of priſons, ſhe had, ſoon +after her entrance, raved of injuſtice, +in accents that would have juſtified +his treatment, had not a malignant +ſmile, when ſhe appealed to his judgment, +with a dreadful conviction ſtifled +her remonſtrating complaints. By +force, or openly, what could be done? +But ſurely ſome expedient might occur +to an active mind, without any other +employment, and poſſeſſed of ſufficient +reſolution to put the riſk of life into +the balance with the chance of freedom.</p> + +<p>A woman entered in the midſt of +theſe reflections, with a firm, deliberate<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-8_S" id="APg_1-8_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-8.png">8</a>]</span> +ſtep, ſtrongly marked features, and +large black eyes, which ſhe fixed +ſteadily on Maria's, as if ſhe deſigned +to intimidate her, ſaying at the ſame +time—"You had better ſit down and +eat your dinner, than look at the +clouds."</p> + +<p>"I have no appetite," replied Maria, +who had previouſly determined to +ſpeak mildly, "why then ſhould I +eat?"</p> + +<p>"But, in ſpite of that, you muſt +and ſhall eat ſomething. I have had +many ladies under my care, who have +reſolved to ſtarve themſelves; but, ſoon +or late, they gave up their intent, as +they recovered their ſenſes."</p> + +<p>"Do you really think me mad?" +aſked Maria, meeting the ſearching +glance of her eye.</p> + +<p>"Not juſt now. But what does<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-9_S" id="APg_1-9_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-9.png">9</a>]</span> +that prove?—only that you muſt be +the more carefully watched, for appearing +at times ſo reaſonable. You +have not touched a morſel ſince you +entered the houſe."—Maria ſighed intelligibly.—"Could +any thing but madneſs +produce ſuch a diſguſt for food?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, grief; you would not aſk +the queſtion if you knew what it +was." The attendant ſhook her head; +and a ghaſtly ſmile of deſperate fortitude +ſerved as a forcible reply, and +made Maria pauſe, before ſhe added—"Yet +I will take ſome refreſhment: +I mean not to die.—No; I will preſerve +my ſenſes; and convince even +you, ſooner than you are aware of, +that my intellects have never been diſturbed, +though the exertion of them +may have been ſuſpended by ſome infernal +drug."</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-10_S" id="APg_1-10_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-10.png">10</a>]</span> +Doubt gathered ſtill thicker on the +brow of her guard, as ſhe attempted +to convict her of miſtake.</p> + +<p>"Have patience!" exclaimed Maria, +with a ſolemnity that inſpired awe. +"My God! how have I been ſchooled +into the practice!" A ſuffocation of +voice betrayed the agonizing emotions +ſhe was labouring to keep down; and +conquering a qualm of diſguſt, ſhe +calmly endeavoured to eat enough to +prove her docility, perpetually turning +to the ſuſpicious female, whoſe obſervation +ſhe courted, while ſhe was +making the bed and adjuſting the +room.</p> + +<p>"Come to me often," ſaid Maria, +with a tone of perſuaſion, in conſequence +of a vague plan that ſhe had +haſtily adopted, when, after ſurveying +this woman's form and features, ſhe<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-11_S" id="APg_1-11_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-11.png">11</a>]</span> +felt convinced that ſhe had an underſtanding +above the common ſtandard; +"and believe me mad, till you are +obliged to acknowledge the contrary." +The woman was no fool, that is, ſhe +was ſuperior to her claſs; nor had +miſery quite petrified the life's-blood +of humanity, to which reflections on +our own miſfortunes only give a more +orderly courſe. The manner, rather +than the expoſtulations, of Maria +made a ſlight ſuſpicion dart into her +mind with correſponding ſympathy, +which various other avocations, and +the habit of baniſhing compunction, +prevented her, for the preſent, from +examining more minutely.</p> + +<p>But when ſhe was told that no perſon, +excepting the phyſician appointed by +her family, was to be permitted to ſee +the lady at the end of the gallery, ſhe<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-12_S" id="APg_1-12_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-12.png">12</a>]</span> +opened her keen eyes ſtill wider, and +uttered a—"hem!" before ſhe enquired—"Why?" +She was briefly told, in +reply, that the malady was hereditary, +and the fits not occurring but at very +long and irregular intervals, ſhe muſt +be carefully watched; for the length of +theſe lucid periods only rendered her +more miſchievous, when any vexation +or caprice brought on the paroxyſm of +phrenſy.</p> + +<p>Had her maſter truſted her, it is +probable that neither pity nor curioſity +would have made her ſwerve from the +ſtraight line of her intereſt; for ſhe +had ſuffered too much in her intercourſe +with mankind, not to determine +to look for ſupport, rather to humouring +their paſſions, than courting +their approbation by the integrity of +her conduct. A deadly blight had met<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-13_S" id="APg_1-13_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-13.png">13</a>]</span> +her at the very threſhold of exiſtence; +and the wretchedneſs of her mother +ſeemed a heavy weight faſtened on her +innocent neck, to drag her down to +perdition. She could not heroically +determine to ſuccour an unfortunate; +but, offended at the bare ſuppoſition +that ſhe could be deceived with the +ſame eaſe as a common ſervant, ſhe +no longer curbed her curioſity; and, +though ſhe never ſeriouſly fathomed +her own intentions, ſhe would ſit, every +moment ſhe could ſteal from obſervation, +liſtening to the tale, which Maria +was eager to relate with all the perſuaſive +eloquence of grief.</p> + +<p>It is ſo cheering to ſee a human +face, even if little of the divinity of +virtue beam in it, that Maria anxiouſly +expected the return of the attendant, +as of a gleam of light to break the<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-14_S" id="APg_1-14_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-14.png">14</a>]</span> +gloom of idleneſs. Indulged ſorrow; +ſhe perceived, muſt blunt or ſharpen +the faculties to the two oppoſite extremes; +producing ſtupidity, the moping +melancholy of indolence; or the +reſtleſs activity of a diſturbed imagination. +She ſunk into one ſtate, after +being fatigued by the other: till the +want of occupation became even more +painful than the actual preſſure or apprehenſion +of ſorrow; and the confinement +that froze her into a nook of +exiſtence, with an unvaried proſpect +before her, the moſt inſupportable of +evils. The lamp of life ſeemed to be +ſpending itſelf to chaſe the vapours of +a dungeon which no art could diſſipate.—And +to what purpoſe did ſhe +rally all her energy?—Was not the +world a vaſt priſon, and women born +ſlaves?</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-15_S" id="APg_1-15_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-15.png">15</a>]</span> +Though ſhe failed immediately to +rouſe a lively ſenſe of injuſtice in the +mind of her guard, becauſe it had +been ſophiſticated into miſanthropy, +ſhe touched her heart. Jemima (ſhe +had only a claim to a Chriſtian name, +which had not procured her any Chriſtian +privileges) could patiently hear of +Maria's confinement on falſe pretences; +ſhe had felt the cruſhing hand of +power, hardened by the exerciſe of +injuſtice, and ceaſed to wonder at the +perverſions of the underſtanding, which +ſyſtematize oppreſſion; but, when told +that her child, only four months old, +had been torn from her, even while +ſhe was diſcharging the tendereſt maternal +office, the woman awoke in a +boſom long eſtranged from feminine +emotions, and Jemima determined to +alleviate all in her power, without ha<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-16_S" id="APg_1-16_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-16.png">16</a>]</span>zarding +the loſs of her place, the ſufferings +of a wretched mother, apparently +injured, and certainly unhappy. +A ſenſe of right ſeems to reſult from +the ſimpleſt act of reaſon, and to preſide +over the faculties of the mind, +like the maſter-ſenſe of feeling, to +rectify the reſt; but (for the compariſon +may be carried ſtill farther) how +often is the exquiſite ſenſibility of +both weakened or deſtroyed by the +vulgar occupations, and ignoble pleaſures +of life?</p> + +<p>The preſerving her ſituation was, +indeed, an important object to Jemima, +who had been hunted from hole +to hole, as if ſhe had been a beaſt of +prey, or infected with a moral plague. +The wages ſhe received, the greater +part of which ſhe hoarded, as her only +chance for independence, were much<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-17_S" id="APg_1-17_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-17.png">17</a>]</span> +more conſiderable than ſhe could reckon +on obtaining any where elſe, were +it poſſible that ſhe, an outcaſt from +ſociety, could be permitted to earn a +ſubſiſtence in a reputable family. Hearing +Maria perpetually complain of liſtleſſneſs, +and the not being able to beguile +grief by reſuming her cuſtomary +purſuits, ſhe was eaſily prevailed on, +by compaſſion, and that involuntary +reſpect for abilities, which thoſe who +poſſeſs them can never eradicate, to +bring her ſome books and implements +for writing. Maria's converſation had +amuſed and intereſted her, and the natural +conſequence was a deſire, ſcarcely +obſerved by herſelf, of obtaining the +eſteem of a perſon ſhe admired. The +remembrance of better days was rendered +more lively; and the ſentiments +then acquired appearing leſs romantic<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-18_S" id="APg_1-18_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-18.png">18</a>]</span> +than they had for a long period, a +ſpark of hope rouſed her mind to new +activity.</p> + +<p>How grateful was her attention to +Maria! Oppreſſed by a dead weight +of exiſtence, or preyed on by the +gnawing worm of diſcontent, with +what eagerneſs did ſhe endeavour to +ſhorten the long days, which left no +traces behind! She ſeemed to be +ſailing on the vaſt ocean of life, without +ſeeing any land-mark to indicate +the progreſs of time; to find employment +was then to find variety, the +animating principle of nature.</p> + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-19_S" id="APg_1-19_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-19.png">19</a>]</span></p> +<h2><a name="ACHAP_II_S" id="ACHAP_II_S"></a>CHAP. II.</h2> + + +<p><span class="smcap">Earneſtly</span> as Maria endeavoured +to ſoothe, by reading, the anguiſh +of her wounded mind, her thoughts +would often wander from the ſubject +ſhe was led to diſcuſs, and tears of +maternal tenderneſs obſcured the reaſoning +page. She deſcanted on "the +ills which fleſh is heir to," with bitterneſs, +when the recollection of her +babe was revived by a tale of fictitious +woe, that bore any reſemblance to her +own; and her imagination was continually +employed, to conjure up and +embody the various phantoms of miſery, +which folly and vice had let looſe +on the world. The loſs of her babe +was the tender ſtring; againſt other +cruel remembrances ſhe laboured to<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-20_S" id="APg_1-20_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-20.png">20</a>]</span> +ſteel her boſom; and even a ray of +hope, in the midſt of her gloomy reveries, +would ſometimes gleam on the +dark horizon of futurity, while perſuading +herſelf that ſhe ought to ceaſe +to hope, ſince happineſs was no where +to be found.—But of her child, debilitated +by the grief with which its +mother had been aſſailed before it ſaw +the light, ſhe could not think without +an impatient ſtruggle.</p> + +<p>"I, alone, by my active tenderneſs, +could have ſaved," ſhe would exclaim, +"from an early blight, this ſweet +bloſſom; and, cheriſhing it, I ſhould +have had ſomething ſtill to love."</p> + +<p>In proportion as other expectations +were torn from her, this tender one +had been fondly clung to, and knit +into her heart.</p> + +<p>The books ſhe had obtained, were<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-21_S" id="APg_1-21_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-21.png">21</a>]</span> +ſoon devoured, by one who had no +other reſource to eſcape from ſorrow, +and the feveriſh dreams of ideal wretchedneſs +or felicity, which equally weaken +the intoxicated ſenſibility. Writing +was then the only alternative, and +ſhe wrote ſome rhapſodies deſcriptive +of the ſtate of her mind; but the +events of her paſt life preſſing on her, +ſhe reſolved circumſtantially to relate +them, with the ſentiments that experience, +and more matured reaſon, +would naturally ſuggeſt. They might +perhaps inſtruct her daughter, and +ſhield her from the miſery, the tyranny, +her mother knew not how to avoid.</p> + +<p>This thought gave life to her diction, +her ſoul flowed into it, and ſhe ſoon +found the taſk of recollecting almoſt +obliterated impreſſions very intereſting. +She lived again in the revived emo<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-22_S" id="APg_1-22_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-22.png">22</a>]</span>tions +of youth, and forgot her preſent +in the retroſpect of ſorrows that had +aſſumed an unalterable character.</p> + +<p>Though this employment lightened +the weight of time, yet, never loſing +ſight of her main object, Maria did +not allow any opportunity to ſlip of +winning on the affections of Jemima; +for ſhe diſcovered in her a ſtrength of +mind, that excited her eſteem, clouded +as it was by the miſanthropy of deſpair.</p> + +<p>An inſulated being, from the miſfortune +of her birth, ſhe deſpiſed and +preyed on the ſociety by which ſhe +had been oppreſſed, and loved not her +fellow-creatures, becauſe ſhe had never +been beloved. No mother had ever +fondled her, no father or brother had +protected her from outrage; and the +man who had plunged her into in<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-23_S" id="APg_1-23_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-23.png">23</a>]</span>famy, +and deſerted her when ſhe ſtood +in greateſt need of ſupport, deigned +not to ſmooth with kindneſs the road +to ruin. Thus degraded, was ſhe let +looſe on the world; and virtue, never +nurtured by affection, aſſumed the ſtern +aſpect of ſelfiſh independence.</p> + +<p>This general view of her life, Maria +gathered from her exclamations and +dry remarks. Jemima indeed diſplayed +a ſtrange mixture of intereſt +and ſuſpicion; for ſhe would liſten to +her with earneſtneſs, and then ſuddenly +interrupt the converſation, as if +afraid of reſigning, by giving way to +her ſympathy, her dear-bought knowledge +of the world.</p> + +<p>Maria alluded to the poſſibility of +an eſcape, and mentioned a compenſation, +or reward; but the ſtyle in which +ſhe was repulſed made her cautious,<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-24_S" id="APg_1-24_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-24.png">24</a>]</span> +and determine not to renew the ſubject, +till ſhe knew more of the character +ſhe had to work on. Jemima's +countenance, and dark hints, ſeemed +to ſay, "You are an extraordinary +woman; but let me conſider, this may +only be one of your lucid intervals." +Nay, the very energy of Maria's character, +made her ſuſpect that the extraordinary +animation ſhe perceived +might be the effect of madneſs. "Should +her huſband then ſubſtantiate his +charge, and get poſſeſſion of her eſtate, +from whence would come the promiſed +annuity, or more deſired protection? +Beſides, might not a woman, anxious +to eſcape, conceal ſome of the circumſtances +which made againſt her? Was +truth to be expected from one who +had been entrapped, kidnapped, in +the moſt fraudulent manner?"</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-25_S" id="APg_1-25_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-25.png">25</a>]</span> +In this train Jemima continued to +argue, the moment after compaſſion +and reſpect ſeemed to make her ſwerve; +and ſhe ſtill reſolved not to be wrought +on to do more than ſoften the rigour +of confinement, till ſhe could advance +on ſurer ground.</p> + +<p>Maria was not permitted to walk in +the garden; but ſometimes, from her +window, ſhe turned her eyes from the +gloomy walls, in which ſhe pined life +away, on the poor wretches who ſtrayed +along the walks, and contemplated +the moſt terrific of ruins—that of a +human ſoul. What is the view of the +fallen column, the mouldering arch, of +the moſt exquiſite workmanſhip, when +compared with this living memento of +the fragility, the inſtability, of reaſon, +and the wild luxuriancy of noxious +paſſions? Enthuſiaſm turned adrift,<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-26_S" id="APg_1-26_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-26.png">26</a>]</span> +like ſome rich ſtream overflowing its +banks, ruſhes forward with deſtructive +velocity, inſpiring a ſublime concentration +of thought. Thus thought +Maria—Theſe are the ravages over +which humanity muſt ever mournfully +ponder, with a degree of anguiſh not +excited by crumbling marble, or cankering +braſs, unfaithful to the truſt of +monumental fame. It is not over the +decaying productions of the mind, embodied +with the happieſt art, we grieve +moſt bitterly. The view of what has +been done by man, produces a melancholy, +yet aggrandizing, ſenſe of what +remains to be achieved by human intellect; +but a mental convulſion, which, +like the devaſtation of an earthquake, +throws all the elements of thought and +imagination into confuſion, makes con<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-27_S" id="APg_1-27_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-27.png">27</a>]</span>templation +giddy, and we fearfully aſk +on what ground we ourſelves ſtand.</p> + +<p>Melancholy and imbecility marked +the features of the wretches allowed to +breathe at large; for the frantic, thoſe +who in a ſtrong imagination had loſt a +ſenſe of woe, were cloſely confined. +The playful tricks and miſchievous devices +of their diſturbed fancy, that ſuddenly +broke out, could not be guarded +againſt, when they were permitted to +enjoy any portion of freedom; for, +ſo active was their imagination, that +every new object which accidentally +ſtruck their ſenſes, awoke to phrenzy +their reſtleſs paſſions; as Maria learned +from the burden of their inceſſant +ravings.</p> + +<p>Sometimes, with a ſtrict injunction +of ſilence, Jemima would allow Maria,<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-28_S" id="APg_1-28_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-28.png">28</a>]</span> +at the cloſe of evening, to ſtray along +the narrow avenues that ſeparated the +dungeon-like apartments, leaning on +her arm. What a change of ſcene! +Maria wiſhed to paſs the threſhold of +her priſon, yet, when by chance ſhe +met the eye of rage glaring on her, yet +unfaithful to its office, ſhe ſhrunk back +with more horror and affright, than if +ſhe had ſtumbled over a mangled corpſe. +Her buſy fancy pictured the miſery of a +fond heart, watching over a friend thus +eſtranged, abſent, though preſent—over +a poor wretch loſt to reaſon and the +ſocial joys of exiſtence; and loſing all +conſciouſneſs of miſery in its exceſs. +What a taſk, to watch the light of reaſon +quivering in the eye, or with agonizing +expectation to catch the beam of recollection; +tantalized by hope, only to +feel deſpair more keenly, at finding a<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-29_S" id="APg_1-29_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-29.png">29</a>]</span> +much loved face or voice, ſuddenly remembered, +or pathetically implored, +only to be immediately forgotten, or +viewed with indifference or abhorrence!</p> + +<p>The heart-rending ſigh of melancholy +ſunk into her ſoul; and when ſhe retired +to reſt, the petrified figures ſhe +had encountered, the only human forms +ſhe was doomed to obſerve, haunting +her dreams with tales of myſterious +wrongs, made her wiſh to ſleep to dream +no more.</p> + +<p>Day after day rolled away, and tedious +as the preſent moment appeared, +they paſſed in ſuch an unvaried tenor, +Maria was ſurpriſed to find that ſhe +had already been ſix weeks buried alive, +and yet had ſuch faint hopes of effecting +her enlargement. She was, earneſtly +as ſhe had ſought for employment,<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-30_S" id="APg_1-30_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-30.png">30</a>]</span> +now angry with herſelf for having been +amuſed by writing her narrative; and +grieved to think that ſhe had for an inſtant +thought of any thing, but contriving +to eſcape.</p> + +<p>Jemima had evidently pleaſure in +her ſociety: ſtill, though ſhe often left +her with a glow of kindneſs, ſhe returned +with the ſame chilling air; and, +when her heart appeared for a moment +to open, ſome ſuggeſtion of reaſon forcibly +cloſed it, before ſhe could give +utterance to the confidence Maria's +converſation inſpired.</p> + +<p>Diſcouraged by theſe changes, Maria +relapſed into deſpondency, when ſhe +was cheered by the alacrity with which +Jemima brought her a freſh parcel of +books; aſſuring her, that ſhe had taken +ſome pains to obtain them from one of +the keepers, who attended a gentle<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-31_S" id="APg_1-31_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-31.png">31</a>]</span>man +confined in the oppoſite corner of +the gallery.</p> + +<p>Maria took up the books with emotion. +"They come," ſaid ſhe, "perhaps, +from a wretch condemned, like +me, to reaſon on the nature of madneſs, +by having wrecked minds continually +under his eye; and almoſt to wiſh himſelf—as +I do—mad, to eſcape from the +contemplation of it." Her heart throbbed +with ſympathetic alarm; and ſhe +turned over the leaves with awe, as if +they had become ſacred from paſſing +through the hands of an unfortunate +being, oppreſſed by a ſimilar fate.</p> + +<p>Dryden's Fables, Milton's Paradiſe +Loſt, with ſeveral modern productions, +compoſed the collection. It was a +mine of treaſure. Some marginal notes, +in Dryden's Fables, caught her attention: +they were written with force<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-32_S" id="APg_1-32_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-32.png">32</a>]</span> +and taſte; and, in one of the modern +pamphlets, there was a fragment left, +containing various obſervations on the +preſent ſtate of ſociety and government, +with a comparative view of the +politics of Europe and America. Theſe +remarks were written with a degree of +generous warmth, when alluding to the +enſlaved ſtate of the labouring majority, +perfectly in uniſon with Maria's mode +of thinking.</p> + +<p>She read them over and over again; +and fancy, treacherous fancy, began to +ſketch a character, congenial with her +own, from theſe ſhadowy outlines.—"Was +he mad?" She re-peruſed the +marginal notes, and they ſeemed the +production of an animated, but not of a +diſturbed imagination. Confined to +this ſpeculation, every time ſhe re-read +them, ſome freſh refinement of<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-33_S" id="APg_1-33_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-33.png">33</a>]</span> +ſentiment, or <ins class="err" title="Transcriber's Note: original reads 'accuteneſs'">acuteneſs</ins> of thought +impreſſed her, which ſhe was aſtoniſhed +at herſelf for not having before obſerved.</p> + +<p>What a creative power has an affectionate +heart! There are beings who +cannot live without loving, as poets +love; and who feel the electric ſpark +of genius, wherever it awakens ſentiment +or grace. Maria had often thought, +when diſciplining her wayward heart, +"that to charm, was to be virtuous." +"They who make me wiſh to appear +the moſt amiable and good in their eyes, +muſt poſſeſs in a degree," ſhe would +exclaim, "the graces and virtues they +call into action."</p> + +<p>She took up a book on the powers of +the human mind; but, her attention +ſtrayed from cold arguments on the +nature of what ſhe felt, while ſhe was<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-34_S" id="APg_1-34_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-34.png">34</a>]</span> +feeling, and ſhe ſnapt the chain of the +theory to read Dryden's Guiſcard and +Sigiſmunda.</p> + +<p>Maria, in the courſe of the enſuing +day, returned ſome of the books, with +the hope of getting others—and more +marginal notes. Thus ſhut out from +human intercourſe, and compelled to +view nothing but the priſon of vexed +ſpirits, to meet a wretch in the ſame +ſituation, was more ſurely to find a +friend, than to imagine a countryman +one, in a ſtrange land, where the human +voice conveys no information to +the eager ear.</p> + +<p>"Did you ever ſee the unfortunate +being to whom theſe books belong?" +aſked Maria, when Jemima brought +her ſupper. "Yes. He ſometimes +walks out, between five and ſix, before +the family is ſtirring, in the morning,<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-35_S" id="APg_1-35_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-35.png">35</a>]</span> +with two keepers; but even then his +hands are confined."</p> + +<p>"What! is he ſo unruly?" enquired +Maria, with an accent of diſappointment.</p> + +<p>"No, not that I perceive," replied +Jemima; "but he has an untamed +look, a vehemence of eye, that excites +apprehenſion. Were his hands free, +he looks as if he could ſoon manage +both his guards: yet he appears +tranquil."</p> + +<p>"If he be ſo ſtrong, he muſt be +young," obſerved Maria.</p> + +<p>"Three or four and thirty, I ſuppoſe; +but there is no judging of a +perſon in his ſituation."</p> + +<p>"Are you ſure that he is mad?" +interrupted Maria with eagerneſs. Jemima +quitted the room, without replying.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-36_S" id="APg_1-36_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-36.png">36</a>]</span> +"No, no, he certainly is not!" exclaimed +Maria, anſwering herſelf; +"the man who could write thoſe obſervations +was not diſordered in his +intellects."</p> + +<p>She ſat muſing, gazing at the moon, +and watching its motion as it ſeemed +to glide under the clouds. Then, preparing +for bed, ſhe thought, "Of +what uſe could I be to him, or he to +me, if it be true that he is unjuſtly +confined?—Could he aid me to eſcape, +who is himſelf more cloſely watched?—Still +I ſhould like to ſee him." She +went to bed, dreamed of her child, +yet woke exactly at half after five +o'clock, and ſtarting up, only wrapped +a gown around her, and ran to the +window. The morning was chill, it +was the latter end of September; yet +ſhe did not retire to warm herſelf and<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-37_S" id="APg_1-37_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-37.png">37</a>]</span> +think in bed, till the ſound of the +ſervants, moving about the houſe, convinced +her that the unknown would +not walk in the garden that morning. +She was aſhamed at feeling diſappointed; +and began to reflect, as an excuſe +to herſelf, on the little objects which +attract attention when there is nothing +to divert the mind; and how difficult +it was for women to avoid growing +romantic, who have no active duties +or purſuits.</p> + +<p>At breakfaſt, Jemima enquired whether +ſhe underſtood French? for, unleſs +ſhe did, the ſtranger's ſtock of +books was exhauſted. Maria replied +in the affirmative; but forbore to aſk +any more queſtions reſpecting the perſon +to whom they belonged. And Jemima +gave her a new ſubject for contemplation, +by deſcribing the perſon<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-38_S" id="APg_1-38_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-38.png">38</a>]</span> +of a lovely maniac, juſt brought into +an adjoining chamber. She was ſinging +the pathetic ballad of old Rob                  +with the moſt heart-melting +falls and pauſes. Jemima had half-opened +the door, when ſhe diſtinguiſhed +her voice, and Maria ſtood cloſe to it, +ſcarcely daring to reſpire, leſt a modulation +ſhould eſcape her, ſo exquiſitely +ſweet, ſo paſſionately wild. She +began with ſympathy to pourtray to +herſelf another victim, when the lovely +warbler flew, as it were, from the +ſpray, and a torrent of unconnected +exclamations and queſtions burſt from +her, interrupted by fits of laughter, ſo +horrid, that Maria ſhut the door, and, +turning her eyes up to heaven, exclaimed—"Gracious +God!"</p> + +<p>Several minutes elapſed before Maria +could enquire reſpecting the ru<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-39_S" id="APg_1-39_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-39.png">39</a>]</span>mour +of the houſe (for this poor +wretch was obviouſly not confined +without a cauſe); and then Jemima +could only tell her, that it was ſaid, +"ſhe had been married, againſt her +inclination, to a rich old man, extremely +jealous (no wonder, for ſhe +was a charming creature); and that, +in conſequence of his treatment, or +ſomething which hung on her mind, +ſhe had, during her firſt lying-in, loſt +her ſenſes."</p> + +<p>What a ſubject of meditation—even +to the very confines of madneſs.</p> + +<p>"Woman, fragile flower! why +were you ſuffered to adorn a world +expoſed to the inroad of ſuch ſtormy +elements?" thought Maria, while the +poor maniac's ſtrain was ſtill breathing +on her ear, and ſinking into her very +ſoul.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-40_S" id="APg_1-40_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-40.png">40</a>]</span> +Towards the evening, Jemima brought +her Rouſſeau's <i>Heloïſe</i>; and ſhe ſat +reading with eyes and heart, till the +return of her guard to extinguiſh the +light. One inſtance of her kindneſs +was, the permitting Maria to have +one, till her own hour of retiring to +reſt. She had read this work long +ſince; but now it ſeemed to open a +new world to her—the only one worth +inhabiting. Sleep was not to be +wooed; yet, far from being fatigued +by the reſtleſs rotation of thought, ſhe +roſe and opened her window, juſt as +the thin watery clouds of twilight +made the long ſilent ſhadows viſible. +The air ſwept acroſs her face with a +voluptuous freſhneſs that thrilled to +her heart, awakening indefinable emotions; +and the ſound of a waving +branch, or the twittering of a ſtartled<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-41_S" id="APg_1-41_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-41.png">41</a>]</span> +bird, alone broke the ſtillneſs of repoſing +nature. Abſorbed by the ſublime +ſenſibility which renders the conſciouſneſs +of exiſtence felicity, Maria +was happy, till an autumnal ſcent, +wafted by the breeze of morn from +the fallen leaves of the adjacent wood, +made her recollect that the ſeaſon had +changed ſince her confinement; yet +life afforded no variety to ſolace an +afflicted heart. She returned diſpirited +to her couch, and thought of her child +till the broad glare of day again invited +her to the window. She looked +not for the unknown, ſtill how great +was her vexation at perceiving the +back of a man, certainly he, with his +two attendants, as he turned into a +ſide-path which led to the houſe! A +confuſed recollection of having ſeen +ſomebody who reſembled him, imme<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-42_S" id="APg_1-42_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-42.png">42</a>]</span>diately +occurred, to puzzle and torment +her with endleſs conjectures. Five +minutes ſooner, and ſhe ſhould have +ſeen his face, and been out of ſuſpenſe—was +ever any thing ſo unlucky! +His ſteady, bold ſtep, and the whole +air of his perſon, burſting as it were +from a cloud, pleaſed her, and gave +an outline to the imagination to ſketch +the individual form ſhe wiſhed to recognize.</p> + +<p>Feeling the diſappointment more +ſeverely than ſhe was willing to believe, +ſhe flew to Rouſſeau, as her +only refuge from the idea of him, who +might prove a friend, could ſhe but +find a way to intereſt him in her fate; +ſtill the perſonification of Saint Preux, +or of an ideal lover far ſuperior, was +after this imperfect model, of which +merely a glance had been caught,<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-43_S" id="APg_1-43_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-43.png">43</a>]</span> +even to the minutiæ of the coat and +hat of the ſtranger. But if ſhe lent +St. Preux, or the demi-god of her +fancy, his form, ſhe richly repaid him +by the donation of all St. Preux's +ſentiments and feelings, culled to gratify +her own, to which he ſeemed to +have an undoubted right, when ſhe +read on the margin of an impaſſioned +letter, written in the well-known hand—"Rouſſeau +alone, the true Prometheus +of ſentiment, poſſeſſed the fire +of genius neceſſary to pourtray the +paſſion, the truth of which goes ſo +directly to the heart."</p> + +<p>Maria was again true to the hour, yet +had finiſhed Rouſſeau, and begun to +tranſcribe ſome ſelected paſſages; unable +to quit either the author or the window, +before ſhe had a glimpſe of the +countenance ſhe daily longed to ſee;<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-44_S" id="APg_1-44_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-44.png">44</a>]</span> +and, when ſeen, it conveyed no diſtinct +idea to her mind where ſhe had +ſeen it before. He muſt have been a +tranſient acquaintance; but to diſcover +an acquaintance was fortunate, could +ſhe contrive to attract his attention, +and excite his ſympathy.</p> + +<p>Every glance afforded colouring for +the picture ſhe was delineating on her +heart; and once, when the window +was half open, the ſound of his voice +reached her. Conviction flaſhed on +her; ſhe had certainly, in a moment +of diſtreſs, heard the ſame accents. +They were manly, and characteriſtic +of a noble mind; nay, even ſweet—or +ſweet they ſeemed to her attentive +ear.</p> + +<p>She ſtarted back, trembling, alarmed +at the emotion a ſtrange coincidence +of circumſtances inſpired, and wonder<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-45_S" id="APg_1-45_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-45.png">45</a>]</span>ing +why ſhe thought ſo much of a +ſtranger, obliged as ſhe had been by +his timely interference; [for ſhe recollected, +by degrees, all the circumſtances +of their former meeting.] She +found however that ſhe could think +of nothing elſe; or, if ſhe thought of +her daughter, it was to wiſh that ſhe +had a father whom her mother could +reſpect and love.</p> + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-46_S" id="APg_1-46_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-46.png">46</a>]</span></p> +<h2><a name="ACHAP_III_S" id="ACHAP_III_S"></a>CHAP. III.</h2> + + +<p><span class="smcap">When</span> peruſing the firſt parcel of +books, Maria had, with her pencil, written +in one of them a few exclamations, +expreſſive of compaſſion and ſympathy, +which ſhe ſcarcely remembered, till +turning over the leaves of one of the +volumes, lately brought to her, a ſlip +of paper dropped out, which Jemima +haſtily ſnatched up.</p> + +<p>"Let me ſee it," demanded Maria +impatiently, "You ſurely are not +afraid of truſting me with the effuſions +of a madman?" "I muſt conſider," replied +Jemima; and withdrew, with +the paper in her hand.</p> + +<p>In a life of ſuch ſecluſion, the paſſions +gain undue force; Maria therefore +felt a great degree of reſentment and<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-47_S" id="APg_1-47_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-47.png">47</a>]</span> +vexation, which ſhe had not time to +ſubdue, before Jemima, returning, delivered +the paper.</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>"Whoever you are, who partake of +my fate, accept my ſincere commiſeration—I +would have ſaid protection; +but the privilege of man is denied me.</p> + +<p>"My own ſituation forces a dreadful +ſuſpicion on my mind—I may not always +languiſh in vain for freedom—ſay +are you—I cannot aſk the queſtion; +yet I will remember you when my remembrance +can be of any uſe. I will +enquire, <i>why</i> you are ſo myſteriouſly +detained—and I <i>will</i> have an anſwer.</p> + +<p class="right">"<span class="smcap">henry darnford</span>."</p></div> + +<p>By the moſt preſſing intreaties, Maria +prevailed on Jemima to permit her to +write a reply to this note. Another<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-48_S" id="APg_1-48_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-48.png">48</a>]</span> +and another ſucceeded, in which explanations +were not allowed relative to +their preſent ſituation; but Maria, with +ſufficient explicitneſs, alluded to a former +obligation; and they inſenſibly entered +on an interchange of ſentiments +on the moſt important ſubjects. To +write theſe letters was the buſineſs of +the day, and to receive them the moment +of ſunſhine. By ſome means, +Darnford having diſcovered Maria's +window, when ſhe next appeared at +it, he made her, behind his keepers, a +profound bow of reſpect and recognition.</p> + +<p>Two or three weeks glided away in +this kind of intercourſe, during which +period Jemima, to whom Maria had +given the neceſſary information reſpecting +her family, had evidently gained +ſome intelligence, which increaſed her<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-49_S" id="APg_1-49_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-49.png">49</a>]</span> +deſire of pleaſing her charge, though +ſhe could not yet determine to liberate +her. Maria took advantage of this +favourable charge, without too minutely +enquiring into the cauſe; and ſuch +was her eagerneſs to hold human converſe, +and to ſee her former protector, +ſtill a ſtranger to her, that ſhe inceſſantly +requeſted her guard to gratify her more +than curioſity.</p> + +<p>Writing to Darnford, ſhe was led +from the ſad objects before her, and +frequently rendered inſenſible to the +horrid noiſes around her, which previouſly +had continually employed her +feveriſh fancy. Thinking it ſelfiſh to +dwell on her own ſufferings, when in +the midſt of wretches, who had not +only loſt all that endears life, but their +very ſelves, her imagination was oc<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-50_S" id="APg_1-50_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-50.png">50</a>]</span>cupied +with melancholy earneſtneſs to +trace the mazes of miſery, through +which ſo many wretches muſt have +paſſed to this gloomy receptacle of diſjointed +ſouls, to the grand ſource of +human corruption. Often at midnight +was ſhe waked by the diſmal ſhrieks of +demoniac rage, or of excruciating deſpair, +uttered in ſuch wild tones of indeſcribable +anguiſh as proved the total +abſence of reaſon, and rouſed phantoms +of horror in her mind, far more +terrific than all that dreaming ſuperſtition +ever drew. Beſides, there was +frequently ſomething ſo inconceivably +pictureſque in the varying geſtures of +unreſtrained paſſion, ſo irreſiſtibly comic +in their ſallies, or ſo heart-piercingly +pathetic in the little airs they would +ſing, frequently burſting out after an +awful ſilence, as to faſcinate the at<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-51_S" id="APg_1-51_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-51.png">51</a>]</span>tention, +and amuſe the fancy, while +torturing the ſoul. It was the uproar +of the paſſions which ſhe was compelled +to obſerve; and to mark the +lucid beam of reaſon, like a light +trembling in a ſocket, or like the +flaſh which divides the threatening +clouds of angry heaven only to diſplay +the horrors which darkneſs ſhrouded.</p> + +<p>Jemima would labour to beguile the +tedious evenings, by deſcribing the +perſons and manners of the <ins class="err" title="Transcriber's Note: original reads 'unfortutunate'">unfortunate</ins> +beings, whoſe figures or voices +awoke ſympathetic ſorrow in Maria's +boſom; and the ſtories ſhe told were +the more intereſting, for perpetually +leaving room to conjecture ſomething +extraordinary. Still Maria, accuſtomed +to generalize her obſervations, was +led to conclude from all ſhe heard, +that it was a vulgar error to ſuppoſe<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-52_S" id="APg_1-52_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-52.png">52</a>]</span> +that people of abilities were the moſt +apt to loſe the command of reaſon. +On the contrary, from moſt of the inſtances +ſhe could inveſtigate, ſhe thought +it reſulted, that the paſſions only appeared +ſtrong and diſproportioned, becauſe +the judgment was weak and unexerciſed; +and that they gained ſtrength +by the decay of reaſon, as the ſhadows +lengthen during the ſun's decline.</p> + +<p>Maria impatiently wiſhed to ſee her +fellow-ſufferer; but Darnford was ſtill +more earneſt to obtain an interview. +Accuſtomed to ſubmit to every impulſe +of paſſion, and never taught, like +women, to reſtrain the moſt natural, +and acquire, inſtead of the bewitching +frankneſs of nature, a factitious propriety +of behaviour, every deſire became +a torrent that bore down all oppoſition.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-53_S" id="APg_1-53_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-53.png">53</a>]</span> +His travelling trunk, which contained +the books lent to Maria, had +been ſent to him, and with a part of +its contents he bribed his principal +keeper; who, after receiving the moſt +ſolemn promiſe that he would return +to his apartment without attempting +to explore any part of the houſe, conducted +him, in the duſk of the evening, +to Maria's room.</p> + +<p>Jemima had apprized her charge of +the viſit, and ſhe expected with trembling +impatience, inſpired by a vague +hope that he might again prove her +deliverer, to ſee a man who had before +reſcued her from oppreſſion. He entered +with an animation of countenance, +formed to captivate an enthuſiaſt; +and, haſtily turned his eyes from +her to the apartment, which he ſurveyed +with apparent emotions of com<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-54_S" id="APg_1-54_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-54.png">54</a>]</span>paſſionate +indignation. Sympathy illuminated +his eye, and, taking her hand, +he reſpectfully bowed on it, exclaiming—"This +is extraordinary!—again +to meet you, and in ſuch circumſtances!" +Still, impreſſive as was the +coincidence of events which brought +them once more together, their full +hearts did not overflow.—<a name="AFNanchor_54-A_3_S" id="AFNanchor_54-A_3_S"></a><a href="#AFootnote_54-A_3_S" class="fnanchor">[54-A]</a></p> + +<hr /> + +<p>[And though, after this firſt viſit, +they were permitted frequently to repeat +their interviews, they were for +ſome time employed in] a reſerved +converſation, to which all the world<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-55_S" id="APg_1-55_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-55.png">55</a>]</span> +might have liſtened; excepting, when +diſcuſſing ſome literary ſubject, flaſhes +of ſentiment, inforced by each relaxing +feature, ſeemed to remind them +that their minds were already acquainted.</p> + +<p>[By degrees, Darnford entered into +the particulars of his ſtory.] In a few +words, he informed her that he had been +a thoughtleſs, extravagant young man; +yet, as he deſcribed his faults, they appeared +to be the generous luxuriancy of +a noble mind. Nothing like meanneſs +tarniſhed the luſtre of his youth, nor had +the worm of ſelfiſhneſs lurked in the unfolding +bud, even while he had been the +dupe of others. Yet he tardily acquired +the experience neceſſary to guard +him againſt future impoſition.</p> + +<p>"I ſhall weary you," continued he, +"by my egotiſm; and did not power<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-56_S" id="APg_1-56_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-56.png">56</a>]</span>ful +emotions draw me to you,"—his +eyes gliſtened as he ſpoke, and a trembling +ſeemed to run through his manly +frame,—"I would not waſte theſe precious +moments in talking of myſelf.</p> + +<p>"My father and mother were people +of faſhion; married by their parents. He +was fond of the turf, ſhe of the card-table. +I, and two or three other children +ſince dead, were kept at home +till we became intolerable. My father +and mother had a viſible diſlike +to each other, continually diſplayed; +the ſervants were of the depraved kind +uſually found in the houſes of people +of fortune. My brothers and parents +all dying, I was left to the care of +guardians, and ſent to Eton. I never +knew the ſweets of domeſtic affection, +but I felt the want of indulgence and +frivolous reſpect at ſchool. I will not<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-57_S" id="APg_1-57_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-57.png">57</a>]</span> +diſguſt you with a recital of the vices +of my youth, which can ſcarcely be comprehended +by female delicacy. I was +taught to love by a creature I am +aſhamed to mention; and the other +women with whom I afterwards became +intimate, were of a claſs of which +you can have no knowledge. I formed +my acquaintance with them at the +theatres; and, when vivacity danced +in their eyes, I was not eaſily diſguſted +by the vulgarity which flowed from +their lips. Having ſpent, a few years +after I was of age, [the whole of] a +conſiderable patrimony, excepting a +few hundreds, I had no <ins class="err" title="Transcriber's Note: original reads 'reſource'">recourſe</ins> but +to purchaſe a commiſſion in a new-raiſed +regiment, deſtined to ſubjugate +America. The regret I felt to renounce +a life of pleaſure, was counter-balanced +by the curioſity I had to ſee<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-58_S" id="APg_1-58_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-58.png">58</a>]</span> +America, or rather to travel; [nor +had any of thoſe circumſtances occurred +to my youth, which might have +been calculated] to bind my country +to my heart. I ſhall not trouble you +with the details of a military life. My +blood was ſtill kept in motion; till, +towards the cloſe of the conteſt, I was +wounded and taken priſoner.</p> + +<p>"Confined to my bed, or chair, by a +lingering cure, my only refuge from +the preying activity of my mind, was +books, which I read with great avidity, +profiting by the converſation of my +hoſt, a man of ſound underſtanding. +My political ſentiments now underwent +a total change; and, dazzled by +the hoſpitality of the Americans, I +determined to take up my abode with +freedom. I, therefore, with my uſual +impetuoſity, ſold my commiſſion, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-59_S" id="APg_1-59_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-59.png">59</a>]</span> +travelled into the interior parts of the +country, to lay out my money to advantage. +Added to this, I did not +much like the puritanical manners of +the large towns. Inequality of condition +was there moſt diſguſtingly galling. +The only pleaſure wealth afforded, +was to make an oſtentatious +diſplay of it; for the cultivation of +the fine arts, or literature, had not introduced +into the firſt circles that poliſh +of manners which renders the rich ſo eſſentially +ſuperior to the poor in Europe. +Added to this, an influx of vices had +been let in by the Revolution, and the +moſt rigid principles of religion ſhaken +to the centre, before the underſtanding +could be gradually emancipated from +the prejudices which led their anceſtors +undauntedly to ſeek an inhoſpitable +clime and unbroken ſoil. The reſolu<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-60_S" id="APg_1-60_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-60.png">60</a>]</span>tion, +that led them, in purſuit of independence, +to embark on rivers like +ſeas, to ſearch for unknown ſhores, +and to ſleep under the hovering miſts +of endleſs foreſts, whoſe baleful damps +agued their limbs, was now turned into +commercial ſpeculations, till the national +character exhibited a phenomenon +in the hiſtory of the human mind—a +head enthuſiaſtically enterpriſing, with +cold ſelfiſhneſs of heart. And woman, +lovely woman!—they charm every +where—ſtill there is a degree of prudery, +and a want of taſte and eaſe in +the manners of the American women, +that renders them, in ſpite of their roſes +and lilies, far inferior to our European +charmers. In the country, they have +often a bewitching ſimplicity of character; +but, in the cities, they have all +the airs and ignorance of the ladies who<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-61_S" id="APg_1-61_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-61.png">61</a>]</span> +give the tone to the circles of the large +trading towns in England. They are +fond of their ornaments, merely becauſe +they are good, and not becauſe +they embelliſh their perſons; and are +more gratified to inſpire the women +with jealouſy of theſe exterior advantages, +than the men with love. All +the frivolity which often (excuſe me, +Madam) renders the ſociety of modeſt +women ſo ſtupid in England, here +ſeemed to throw ſtill more leaden fetters +on their charms. Not being an +adept in gallantry, I found that I could +only keep myſelf awake in their company +by making downright love to +them.</p> + +<p>"But, not to intrude on your patience, +I retired to the track of land +which I had purchaſed in the country, +and my time paſſed pleaſantly enough<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-62_S" id="APg_1-62_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-62.png">62</a>]</span> +while I cut down the trees, built my +houſe, and planted my different crops. +But winter and idleneſs came, and I +longed for more elegant ſociety, to hear +what was paſſing in the world, and to +do ſomething better than vegetate with +the animals that made a very conſiderable +part of my houſehold. Conſequently, +I determined to travel. Motion was +a ſubſtitute for variety of objects; and, +paſſing over immenſe tracks of country, +I exhauſted my exuberant ſpirits, without +obtaining much experience. I every +where ſaw induſtry the fore-runner +and not the conſequence, of luxury; +but this country, every thing being on +an ample ſcale, did not afford thoſe +pictureſque views, which a certain degree +of cultivation is neceſſary gradually +to produce. The eye wandered +without an object to fix upon over im<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-63_S" id="APg_1-63_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-63.png">63</a>]</span>meaſureable +plains, and lakes that ſeemed +repleniſhed by the ocean, whilſt eternal +foreſts of ſmall cluſtering trees, obſtructed +the circulation of air, and embarraſſed +the path, without gratifying +the eye of taſte. No cottage ſmiling in +the waſte, no travellers hailed us, to give +life to ſilent nature; or, if perchance +we ſaw the print of a footſtep in our +path, it was a dreadful warning to turn +aſide; and the head ached as if aſſailed +by the ſcalping knife. The Indians +who hovered on the ſkirts of the European +ſettlements had only learned of +their neighbours to plunder, and they +ſtole their guns from them to do it with +more ſafety.</p> + +<p>"From the woods and back ſettlements, +I returned to the towns, and +learned to eat and drink moſt valiantly; +but without entering into commerce<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-64_S" id="APg_1-64_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-64.png">64</a>]</span> +(and I deteſted commerce) I found I +could not live there; and, growing heartily +weary of the land of liberty and +vulgar ariſtocracy, ſeated on her bags +of dollars, I reſolved once more to viſit +Europe. I wrote to a diſtant relation +in England, with whom I had been +educated, mentioning the veſſel in +which I intended to ſail. Arriving in +London, my ſenſes were intoxicated. I +ran from ſtreet to ſtreet, from theatre +to theatre, and the women of the town +(again I muſt beg pardon for my habitual +frankneſs) appeared to me like +angels.</p> + +<p>"A week was ſpent in this thoughtleſs +manner, when, returning very late +to the hotel in which I had lodged ever +ſince my arrival, I was knocked down +in a private ſtreet, and hurried, in a ſtate +of inſenſibility, into a coach, which<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-65_S" id="APg_1-65_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-65.png">65</a>]</span> +brought me hither, and I only recovered +my ſenſes to be treated like one +who had loſt them. My keepers are +deaf to my remonſtrances and enquiries, +yet aſſure me that my confinement +ſhall not laſt long. Still I cannot gueſs, +though I weary myſelf with conjectures, +why I am confined, or in what +part of England this houſe is ſituated. +I imagine ſometimes that I hear the +ſea roar, and wiſhed myſelf again on +the Atlantic, till I had a glimpſe of +you<a name="AFNanchor_65-A_4_S" id="AFNanchor_65-A_4_S"></a><a href="#AFootnote_65-A_4_S" class="fnanchor">[65-A]</a>."</p> + +<p>A few moments were only allowed to +Maria to comment on this narrative,<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-66_S" id="APg_1-66_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-66.png">66</a>]</span> +when Darnford left her to her own +thoughts, to the "never ending, ſtill +beginning," taſk of weighing his words, +recollecting his tones of voice, and feeling +them reverberate on her heart.</p> + +<div class="footnotes"><h3>FOOTNOTES:</h3> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="AFootnote_54-A_3_S" id="AFootnote_54-A_3_S"></a><a href="#AFNanchor_54-A_3_S"><span class="label">[54-A]</span></a> The copy which had received the author's +laſt corrections, breaks off in this place, and the +pages which follow, to the end of Chap. IV, are +printed from a copy in a leſs finiſhed ſtate.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="AFootnote_65-A_4_S" id="AFootnote_65-A_4_S"></a><a href="#AFNanchor_65-A_4_S"><span class="label">[65-A]</span></a> The introduction of Darnford as the deliverer +of Maria in a former inſtance, appears to have +been an after-thought of the author. This has +occaſioned the omiſſion of any alluſion to that +circumſtance in the preceding narration. +</p> +<p class="right"><span class="smcap">editor.</span></p></div> +</div> + + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-67_S" id="APg_1-67_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-67.png">67</a>]</span></p> +<h2><a name="ACHAP_IV_S" id="ACHAP_IV_S"></a>CHAP. IV.</h2> + + +<p><span class="smcap">Pity</span>, and the forlorn ſeriouſneſs of +adverſity, have both been conſidered as +diſpoſitions favourable to love, while +ſatirical writers have attributed the +propenſity to the relaxing effect of +<ins class="err" title="Transcriber's Note: added miſſing comma">idleneſs,</ins> what chance then had Maria +of eſcaping, when pity, ſorrow, +and ſolitude all conſpired to ſoften her +mind, and nouriſh romantic wiſhes, +and, from a natural progreſs, romantic +expectations?</p> + +<p>Maria was ſix-and-twenty. But, +ſuch was the native ſoundneſs of her +conſtitution, that time had only given +to her countenance the character of her +mind. Revolving thought, and exerciſed +affections had baniſhed ſome of<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-68_S" id="APg_1-68_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-68.png">68</a>]</span> +the playful graces of innocence, producing +inſenſibly that irregularity of +features which the ſtruggles of the underſtanding +to trace or govern the +ſtrong emotions of the heart, are wont +to imprint on the yielding maſs. Grief +and care had mellowed, without obſcuring, +the bright tints of youth, and +the thoughtfulneſs which reſided on her +brow did not take from the feminine +ſoftneſs of her features; nay, ſuch was +the ſenſibility which often mantled over +it, that ſhe frequently appeared, like a +large proportion of her ſex, only born +to feel; and the activity of her well-proportioned, +and even almoſt voluptuous +figure, inſpired the idea of +ſtrength of mind, rather than of body. +There was a ſimplicity ſometimes indeed +in her manner, which bordered +on infantine ingenuouſneſs, that led peo<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-69_S" id="APg_1-69_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-69.png">69</a>]</span>ple +of common diſcernment to underrate +her talents, and ſmile at the flights +of her imagination. But thoſe who +could not comprehend the delicacy of +her ſentiments, were attached by her +unfailing ſympathy, ſo that ſhe was very +generally beloved by characters of very +different deſcriptions; ſtill, ſhe was too +much under the influence of an ardent +imagination to adhere to common rules.</p> + +<p>There are miſtakes of conduct which +at five-and-twenty prove the ſtrength of +the mind, that, ten or fifteen years after, +would demonſtrate its weakneſs, its incapacity +to acquire a ſane judgment. +The youths who are ſatiſfied with the +ordinary pleaſures of life, and do not +ſigh after ideal phantoms of love and +friendſhip, will never arrive at great maturity +of underſtanding; but if theſe reveries +are cheriſhed, as is too frequently<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-70_S" id="APg_1-70_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-70.png">70</a>]</span> +the caſe with women, when experience +ought to have taught them in what human +happineſs conſiſts, they become as +uſeleſs as they are wretched. Beſides, +their pains and pleaſures are ſo dependent +on outward circumſtances, on the +objects of their affections, that they +ſeldom act from the impulſe of a nerved +mind, able to chooſe its own purſuit.</p> + +<p>Having had to ſtruggle inceſſantly +with the vices of mankind, Maria's +imagination found repoſe in pourtraying +the poſſible virtues the world might +contain. Pygmalion formed an ivory +maid, and longed for an informing ſoul. +She, on the contrary, combined all the +qualities of a hero's mind, and fate +preſented a ſtatue in which ſhe might +enſhrine them.</p> + +<p>We mean not to trace the progreſs +of this paſſion, or recount how often<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-71_S" id="APg_1-71_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-71.png">71</a>]</span> +Darnford and Maria were obliged to +part in the midſt of an intereſting converſation. +Jemima ever watched on +the tip-toe of fear, and frequently ſeparated +them on a falſe alarm, when +they would have given worlds to remain +a little longer together.</p> + +<p>A magic lamp now ſeemed to be ſuſpended +in Maria's priſon, and fairy +landſcapes flitted round the gloomy +walls, late ſo blank. Ruſhing from the +depth of deſpair, on the ſeraph wing of +hope, ſhe found herſelf happy.—She was +beloved, and every emotion was rapturous.</p> + +<p>To Darnford ſhe had not ſhown a decided +affection; the fear of outrunning +his, a ſure proof of love, made her often +aſſume a coldneſs and indifference foreign +from her character; and, even when +giving way to the playful emotions of a<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-72_S" id="APg_1-72_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-72.png">72</a>]</span> +heart juſt looſened from the frozen +bond of grief, there was a delicacy in +her manner of expreſſing her ſenſibility, +which made him doubt whether it +was the effect of love.</p> + +<p>One evening, when Jemima left them, +to liſten to the ſound of a diſtant footſtep, +which ſeemed cautiouſly to approach, +he ſeized Maria's hand—it was +not withdrawn. They converſed with +earneſtneſs of their ſituation; and, during +the converſation, he once or twice +gently drew her towards him. He felt +the fragrance of her breath, and longed, +yet feared, to touch the lips from +which it iſſued; ſpirits of purity ſeemed +to guard them, while all the enchanting +graces of love ſported on her cheeks, +and languiſhed in her eyes.</p> + +<p>Jemima entering, he reflected on his +diffidence with poignant regret, and,<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-73_S" id="APg_1-73_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-73.png">73</a>]</span> +ſhe once more taking alarm, he ventured, +as Maria ſtood near his chair, to +approach her lips with a declaration of +love. She drew back with ſolemnity, +he hung down his head abaſhed; but +lifting his eyes timidly, they met her's; +ſhe had determined, during that inſtant, +and ſuffered their rays to mingle. He +took, with more ardour, reaſſured, a +half-conſenting, half-reluctant kiſs, reluctant +only from modeſty; and there +was a ſacredneſs in her dignified manner +of reclining her glowing face on +his ſhoulder, that powerfully impreſſed +him. Deſire was loſt in more ineffable +emotions, and to protect her from inſult +and ſorrow—to make her happy, +ſeemed not only the firſt wiſh of his heart, +but the moſt noble duty of his life. +Such angelic confidence demanded the +fidelity of honour; but could he, feel<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-74_S" id="APg_1-74_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-74.png">74</a>]</span>ing +her in every pulſation, could he +ever change, could he be a villain? The +emotion with which ſhe, for a moment, +allowed herſelf to be preſſed to his boſom, +the tear of rapturous ſympathy, +mingled with a ſoft melancholy ſentiment +of recollected diſappointment, +ſaid—more of truth and faithfulneſs, +than the tongue could have given utterance +to in hours! They were ſilent—yet +diſcourſed, how eloquently? till, +after a moment's reflection, Maria drew +her chair by the ſide of his, and, with +a compoſed ſweetneſs of voice, and +ſupernatural benignity of countenance, +ſaid, "I muſt open my whole heart +to you; you muſt be told who I am, +why I am here, and why, telling you +I am a wife, I bluſh not to"—the bluſh +ſpoke the reſt.</p> + +<p>Jemima was again at her elbow, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-75_S" id="APg_1-75_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-75.png">75</a>]</span> +the reſtraint of her preſence did not +prevent an animated converſation, in +which love, ſly urchin, was ever at bo-peep.</p> + +<p>So much of heaven did they enjoy, +that paradiſe bloomed around them; or +they, by a powerful ſpell, had been +tranſported into Armida's garden. Love, +the grand enchanter, "lapt them in Elyſium," +and every ſenſe was harmonized +to joy and ſocial extacy. So animated, +indeed, were their accents of tenderneſs, +in diſcuſſing what, in other circumſtances, +would have been common-place +ſubjects, that Jemima felt, with +ſurpriſe, a tear of pleaſure trickling +down her rugged cheeks. She wiped +it away, half aſhamed; and when Maria +kindly enquired the cauſe, with all +the eager ſolicitude of a happy being +wiſhing to impart to all nature its<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-76_S" id="APg_1-76_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-76.png">76</a>]</span> +overflowing felicity, Jemima owned +that it was the firſt tear that ſocial enjoyment +had ever drawn from her. She +ſeemed indeed to breathe more freely; +the cloud of ſuſpicion cleared away +from her brow; ſhe felt herſelf, for +once in her life, treated like a fellow-creature.</p> + +<p>Imagination! who can paint thy +power; or reflect the evaneſcent tints +of hope foſtered by thee? A deſpondent +gloom had long obſcured Maria's horizon—now +the ſun broke forth, the +rainbow appeared, and every proſpect +was fair. Horror ſtill reigned in the +darkened cells, ſuſpicion lurked in the +paſſages, and whiſpered along the +walls. The yells of men poſſeſſed, +ſometimes made them pauſe, and wonder +that they felt ſo happy, in a tomb +of living death. They even chid them<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-77_S" id="APg_1-77_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-77.png">77</a>]</span>ſelves +for ſuch apparent inſenſibility; +ſtill the world contained not three happier +beings. And Jemima, after again +patrolling the paſſage, was ſo ſoftened +by the air of confidence which breathed +around her, that ſhe voluntarily began +an account of herſelf.</p> + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-78_S" id="APg_1-78_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-78.png">78</a>]</span></p> +<h2><a name="ACHAP_V_S" id="ACHAP_V_S"></a>CHAP. V.</h2> + + +<p>"<span class="smcap">My</span> father," ſaid Jemima, "ſeduced +my mother, a pretty girl, with whom +he lived fellow-ſervant; and ſhe no +ſooner perceived the natural, the dreaded +conſequence, than the terrible conviction +flaſhed on her—that ſhe was +ruined. Honeſty, and a regard for her +reputation, had been the only principles +inculcated by her mother; and +they had been ſo forcibly impreſſed, that +ſhe feared ſhame, more than the poverty +to which it would lead. Her inceſſant +importunities to prevail upon my father +to ſcreen her from reproach by marrying +her, as he had promiſed in the +fervour of ſeduction, eſtranged him from +her ſo completely, that her very perſon<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-79_S" id="APg_1-79_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-79.png">79</a>]</span> +became diſtaſteful to him; and he began +to hate, as well as deſpiſe me, before +I was born.</p> + +<p>"My mother, grieved to the ſoul by +his neglect, and unkind treatment, actually +reſolved to famiſh herſelf; and +injured her health by the attempt; +though ſhe had not ſufficient reſolution +to adhere to her project, or renounce it +entirely. Death came not at her call; +yet ſorrow, and the methods ſhe adopted +to conceal her condition, ſtill doing the +work of a houſe-maid, had ſuch an +effect on her conſtitution, that ſhe died +in the wretched garret, where her virtuous +miſtreſs had forced her to take +refuge in the very pangs of labour, +though my father, after a ſlight reproof, +was allowed to remain in his place—allowed +by the mother of ſix children, +who, ſcarcely permitting a footſtep to<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-80_S" id="APg_1-80_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-80.png">80</a>]</span> +be heard, during her month's indulgence, +felt no ſympathy for the poor +wretch, denied every comfort required +by her ſituation.</p> + +<p>"The day my mother died, the +ninth after my birth, I was conſigned +to the care of the cheapeſt nurſe my +father could find; who ſuckled her own +child at the ſame time, and lodged as +many more as ſhe could get, in two +cellar-like apartments.</p> + +<p>"Poverty, and the habit of ſeeing +children die off her hands, had ſo +hardened her heart, that the office of a +mother did not awaken the tenderneſs +of a woman; nor were the feminine +careſſes which ſeem a part of the rearing +of a child, ever beſtowed on me. +The chicken has a wing to ſhelter under; +but I had no boſom to neſtle in, +no kindred warmth to foſter me. Left<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-81_S" id="APg_1-81_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-81.png">81</a>]</span> +in dirt, to cry with cold and hunger +till I was weary, and ſleep without ever +being prepared by exerciſe, or lulled +by kindneſs to reſt; could I be expected +to become any thing but a weak and +rickety babe? Still, in ſpite of neglect, +I continued to exiſt, to learn to +curſe exiſtence,<ins class="err" title="Transcriber's Note: Errata: original reads '['">"</ins> her countenance grew +ferocious as ſhe ſpoke, <ins class="err" title="Transcriber's Note: Errata: original reads ']'">"</ins>and the treatment +that rendered me miſerable, ſeemed +to ſharpen my wits. Confined then +in a damp hovel, to rock the cradle of +the ſucceeding tribe, I looked like a +little old woman, or a hag ſhrivelling into +nothing. The furrows of reflection and +care contracted the youthful cheek, +and gave a ſort of ſupernatural wildneſs +to the ever watchful eye. During +this period, my father had married another +fellow-ſervant, who loved him +leſs, and knew better how to manage<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-82_S" id="APg_1-82_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-82.png">82</a>]</span> +his paſſion, than my mother. She likewiſe +proving with child, they agreed +to keep a ſhop: my ſtep-mother, if, being +an illegitimate offſpring, I may +venture thus to characterize her, having +obtained a ſum of a rich relation, +for that purpoſe.</p> + +<p>"Soon after her lying-in, ſhe prevailed +on my father to take me home, to ſave +the expence of maintaining me, and +of hiring a girl to aſſiſt her in the care +of the child. I was young, it was true, +but appeared a knowing little thing, +and might be made handy. Accordingly +I was brought to her houſe; but +not to a home—for a home I never +knew. Of this child, a daughter, ſhe +was extravagantly fond; and it was a +part of my employment, to aſſiſt to ſpoil +her, by humouring all her whims, and +bearing all her caprices. Feeling her<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-83_S" id="APg_1-83_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-83.png">83</a>]</span> +own conſequence, before ſhe could +ſpeak, ſhe had learned the art of tormenting +me, and if I ever dared to reſiſt, +I received blows, laid on with no +compunctious hand, or was ſent to bed +dinnerleſs, as well as ſupperleſs. I ſaid +that it was a part of my daily labour to +attend this child, with the ſervility of a +ſlave; ſtill it was but a part. I was +ſent out in all ſeaſons, and from place +to place, to carry burdens far above +my ſtrength, without being allowed to +draw near the fire, or ever being +cheered by encouragement or kindneſs. +No wonder then, treated like a +creature of another ſpecies, that I began +to envy, and at length to hate, +the darling of the houſe. Yet, I perfectly +remember, that it was the careſſes, +and kind expreſſions of my ſtep-mother, +which firſt excited my jealous<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-84_S" id="APg_1-84_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-84.png">84</a>]</span> +diſcontent. Once, I cannot forget it, +when ſhe was calling in vain her wayward +child to kiſs her, I ran to her, +ſaying, 'I will kiſs you, ma'am!' and +how did my heart, which was in my +mouth, ſink, what was my debaſement +of ſoul, when puſhed away with—'I +do not want you, pert thing!' +Another day, when a new gown had +excited the higheſt good humour, and +ſhe uttered the appropriate <i>dear</i>, addreſſed +unexpectedly to me, I thought +I could never do enough to pleaſe her; +I was all alacrity, and roſe proportionably +in my own eſtimation.</p> + +<p>"As her daughter grew up, ſhe was +pampered with cakes and fruit, while +I was, literally ſpeaking, fed with the +refuſe of the table, with her leavings. +A liquoriſh tooth is, I believe, common +to children, and I uſed to ſteal any<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-85_S" id="APg_1-85_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-85.png">85</a>]</span> +thing ſweet, that I could catch up with +a chance of concealment. When detected, +ſhe was not content to chaſtize +me herſelf at the moment, but, on my +father's return in the evening (he was +a ſhopman), the principal diſcourſe was +to recount my faults, and attribute +them to the wicked diſpoſition which I +had brought into the world with me, +inherited from my mother. He did not +fail to leave the marks of his reſentment +on my body, and then ſolaced +himſelf by playing with my ſiſter.—I +could have murdered her at thoſe moments. +To ſave myſelf from theſe unmerciful +corrections, I reſorted to falſhood, +and the untruths which I ſturdily +maintained, were brought in judgment +againſt me, to ſupport my tyrant's +inhuman charge of my natural propenſity +to vice. Seeing me treated with<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-86_S" id="APg_1-86_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-86.png">86</a>]</span> +contempt, and always being fed and +dreſſed better, my ſiſter conceived a +contemptuous opinion of me, that +proved an obſtacle to all affection; and +my father, hearing continually of my +faults, began to conſider me as a curſe +entailed on him for his ſins: he was +therefore eaſily prevailed on to bind +me apprentice to one of my ſtep-mother's +friends, who kept a ſlop-ſhop in +Wapping. I was repreſented (as it +was ſaid) in my true colours; but ſhe, +'warranted,' ſnapping her fingers, +'that ſhe ſhould break my ſpirit or +heart.'</p> + +<p>"My mother replied, with a whine, +'that if any body could make me better, +it was ſuch a clever woman as herſelf; +though, for her own part, ſhe had +tried in vain; but good-nature was her +fault.'</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-87_S" id="APg_1-87_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-87.png">87</a>]</span> +"I ſhudder with horror, when I recollect +the treatment I had now to endure. +Not only under the laſh of my taſk-miſtreſs, +but the drudge of the maid, +apprentices and children, I never had +a taſte of human kindneſs to ſoften the +rigour of perpetual labour. I had been +introduced as an object of abhorrence +into the family; as a creature of whom +my ſtep-mother, though ſhe had been +kind enough to let me live in the houſe +with her own child, could make nothing. +I was deſcribed as a wretch, +whoſe noſe muſt be kept to the grinding +ſtone—and it was held there with +an iron graſp. It ſeemed indeed the +privilege of their ſuperior nature to kick +me about, like the dog or cat. If I +were attentive, I was called fawning, +if refractory, an obſtinate mule, and +like a mule I received their cenſure on<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-88_S" id="APg_1-88_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-88.png">88</a>]</span> +my loaded back. Often has my miſtreſs, +for ſome inſtance of forgetfulneſs, thrown +me from one ſide of the kitchen to the +other, knocked my head againſt the +wall, ſpit in my face, with various refinements +on barbarity that I forbear to +enumerate, though they were all acted +over again by the ſervant, with additional +inſults, to which the appellation +of <i>baſtard</i>, was commonly added, with +taunts or ſneers. But I will not attempt +to give you an adequate idea of +my ſituation, leſt you, who probably +have never been drenched with the +dregs of human miſery, ſhould think I +exaggerate.</p> + +<p>"I ſtole now, from abſolute neceſſity,—bread; +yet whatever elſe was +taken, which I had it not in my power +to take, was aſcribed to me. I was +the filching cat, the ravenous dog, the<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-89_S" id="APg_1-89_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-89.png">89</a>]</span> +dumb brute, who muſt bear all; for if +I endeavoured to exculpate myſelf, I +was ſilenced, without any enquiries +being made, with 'Hold your tongue, +you never tell truth.' Even the very +air I breathed was tainted with ſcorn; +for I was ſent to the neighbouring ſhops +with Glutton, Liar, or Thief, written on +my forehead. This was, at firſt, the +moſt bitter puniſhment; but ſullen +pride, or a kind of ſtupid deſperation, +made me, at length, almoſt regardleſs +of the contempt, which had wrung +from me ſo many ſolitary tears at the +only moments when I was allowed to +reſt.</p> + +<p>"Thus was I the mark of cruelty till +my ſixteenth year; and then I have +only to point out a change of miſery; +for a period I never knew. Allow me +firſt to make one obſervation. Now I<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-90_S" id="APg_1-90_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-90.png">90</a>]</span> +look back, I cannot help attributing the +greater part of my miſery, to the miſfortune +of having been thrown into the +world without the grand ſupport of life—a +mother's affection. I had no one to +love me; or to make me reſpected, to +enable me to acquire reſpect. I was an +egg dropped on the ſand; a pauper by +nature, <ins class="err" title="Transcriber's Note: original reads 'hunted'">ſhunted</ins> from family to family, +who belonged to nobody—and nobody +cared for me. I was deſpiſed from my +birth, and denied the chance of obtaining +a footing for myſelf in ſociety. Yes; +I had not even the chance of being +conſidered as a fellow-creature—yet all +the people with whom I lived, brutalized +as they were by the low cunning +of trade, and the deſpicable ſhifts of +poverty, were not without bowels, +though they never yearned for me. I +was, in fact, born a ſlave, and chained<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-91_S" id="APg_1-91_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-91.png">91</a>]</span> +by infamy to ſlavery during the whole +of exiſtence, without having any companions +to alleviate it by ſympathy, or +teach me how to riſe above it by their +example. But, to reſume the thread of +my tale—</p> + +<p>"At ſixteen, I ſuddenly grew tall, +and ſomething like comelineſs appeared +on a Sunday, when I had time to waſh +my face, and put on clean clothes. My +maſter had once or twice caught hold +of me in the paſſage; but I inſtinctively +avoided his diſguſting careſſes. One +day however, when the family were +at a methodiſt meeting, he contrived to +be alone in the houſe with me, and by +blows—yes; blows and menaces, compelled +me to ſubmit to his ferocious +deſire; and, to avoid my miſtreſs's +fury, I was obliged in future to comply, +and ſkulk to my loft at his com<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-92_S" id="APg_1-92_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-92.png">92</a>]</span>mand, +in ſpite of increaſing loathing.</p> + +<p>"The anguiſh which was now pent +up in my boſom, ſeemed to open a new +world to me: I began to extend my +thoughts beyond myſelf, and grieve +for human miſery, till I diſcovered, +with horror—ah! what horror!—that I +was with child. I know not why I felt +a mixed ſenſation of deſpair and tenderneſs, +excepting that, ever called a +baſtard, a baſtard appeared to me an +object of the greateſt compaſſion in +creation.</p> + +<p>"I communicated this dreadful circumſtance +to my maſter, who was almoſt +equally alarmed at the intelligence; +for he feared his wife, and public +cenſure at the meeting. After ſome +weeks of deliberation had elapſed, I in +continual fear that my altered ſhape<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-93_S" id="APg_1-93_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-93.png">93</a>]</span> +would be noticed, my maſter gave me +a medicine in a phial, which he deſired +me to take, telling me, without any +circumlocution, for what purpoſe it +was deſigned. I burſt into tears, I +thought it was killing myſelf—yet was +ſuch a ſelf as I worth preſerving? He +curſed me for a fool, and left me to my +own reflections. I could not reſolve to +take this infernal potion; but I wrapped +it up in an old gown, and hid it +in a corner of my box.</p> + +<p>"Nobody yet ſuſpected me, becauſe +they had been accuſtomed to view me +as a creature of another ſpecies. But +the threatening ſtorm at laſt broke over +my devoted head—never ſhall I forget +it! One Sunday evening when I was +left, as uſual, to take care of the houſe, +my maſter came home intoxicated, and +I became the prey of his brutal appe<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-94_S" id="APg_1-94_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-94.png">94</a>]</span>tite. +His extreme intoxication made +him forget his cuſtomary caution, and +my miſtreſs entered and found us in a +ſituation that could not have been more +hateful to her than me. Her huſband +was 'pot-valiant,' he feared her not +at the moment, nor had he then much +reaſon, for ſhe inſtantly turned the +whole force of her anger another +way. She tore off my cap, ſcratched, +kicked, and buffetted me, till ſhe had +exhauſted her ſtrength, declaring, as ſhe +reſted her arm, 'that I had wheedled +her huſband from her.—But, could any +thing better be expected from a wretch, +whom ſhe had taken into her houſe out +of pure charity?' What a torrent of +abuſe ruſhed out? till, almoſt breathleſs, +ſhe concluded with ſaying, 'that I +was born a ſtrumpet; it ran in my<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-95_S" id="APg_1-95_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-95.png">95</a>]</span> +blood, and nothing good could come +to thoſe who harboured me.'</p> + +<p>"My ſituation was, of courſe, diſcovered, +and ſhe declared that I ſhould +not ſtay another night under the ſame +roof with an honeſt family. I was +therefore puſhed out of doors, and my +trumpery thrown after me, when it had +been contemptuouſly examined in the +paſſage, leſt I ſhould have ſtolen any +thing.</p> + +<p>"Behold me then in the ſtreet, utterly +deſtitute! Whither could I creep for +ſhelter? To my father's roof I had no +claim, when not purſued by ſhame—now +I ſhrunk back as from death, from +my mother's cruel reproaches, my father's +execrations. I could not endure +to hear him curſe the day I was born, +though life had been a curſe to me. Of +death I thought, but with a confuſed<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-96_S" id="APg_1-96_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-96.png">96</a>]</span> +emotion of terror, as I ſtood leaning +my head on a poſt, and ſtarting at every +footſtep, leſt it ſhould be my miſtreſs +coming to tear my heart out. One of +the boys of the ſhop paſſing by, heard +my tale, and immediately repaired to +his maſter, to give him a deſcription of +my ſituation; and he touched the right +key—the ſcandal it would give riſe to, +if I were left to repeat my tale to every +enquirer. This plea came home to his +reaſon, who had been ſobered by his +wife's rage, the fury of which fell on +him when I was out of her reach, and +he ſent the boy to me with half-a-guinea, +deſiring him to conduct me to a +houſe, where beggars, and other +wretches, the refuſe of ſociety, nightly +lodged.</p> + +<p>"This night was ſpent in a ſtate of +ſtupefaction, or deſperation. I deteſted +mankind, and abhorred myſelf.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-97_S" id="APg_1-97_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-97.png">97</a>]</span> +"In the morning I ventured out, to +throw myſelf in my maſter's way, at his +uſual hour of going abroad. I approached +him, he 'damned me for a +b——, declared I had diſturbed the +peace of the family, and that he had +ſworn to his wife, never to take any +more notice of me.' He left me; but, +inſtantly returning, he told me that he +ſhould ſpeak to his friend, a pariſh-officer, +to get a nurſe for the brat I laid +to him; and adviſed me, if I wiſhed to +keep out of the houſe of correction, not +to make free with his name.</p> + +<p>"I hurried back to my hole, and, rage +giving place to deſpair, ſought for the +potion that was to procure abortion, and +ſwallowed it, with a wiſh that it might +deſtroy me, at the ſame time that it +ſtopped the ſenſations of new-born life,<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-98_S" id="APg_1-98_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-98.png">98</a>]</span> +which I felt with indeſcribable emotion. +My head turned round, my heart grew +ſick, and in the horrors of approaching +diſſolution, mental anguiſh was ſwallowed +up. The effect of the medicine +was violent, and I was confined to my +bed ſeveral days; but, youth and a +ſtrong conſtitution prevailing, I once +more crawled out, to aſk myſelf the +cruel queſtion, 'Whither I ſhould +go?' I had but two ſhillings left in +my pocket, the reſt had been expended, +by a poor woman who ſlept in the +ſame room, to pay for my lodging, +and purchaſe the neceſſaries of which +ſhe partook.</p> + +<p>"With this wretch I went into the +neighbouring ſtreets to beg, and my +diſconſolate appearance drew a few +pence from the idle, enabling me ſtill +to command a bed; till, recovering<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-99_S" id="APg_1-99_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-99.png">99</a>]</span> +from my illneſs, and taught to put on +my rags to the beſt advantage, I was +accoſted from different motives, and +yielded to the deſire of the brutes I met, +with the ſame deteſtation that I had +felt for my ſtill more brutal maſter. +I have ſince read in novels of the blandiſhments +of ſeduction, but I had not +even the pleaſure of being enticed +into vice.</p> + +<p>"I ſhall not," interrupted Jemima, +"lead your imagination into all the +ſcenes of wretchedneſs and depravity, +which I was condemned to view; or +mark the different ſtages of my debaſing +miſery. Fate dragged me +through the very kennels of ſociety; +I was ſtill a ſlave, a baſtard, a common +property. Become familiar with vice, +for I wiſh to conceal nothing from you, +I picked the pockets of the drunkards<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-100_S" id="APg_1-100_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-100.png">100</a>]</span> +who abuſed me; and proved by my +conduct, that I deſerved the epithets, +with which they loaded me at moments +when diſtruſt ought to ceaſe.</p> + +<p>"Deteſting my nightly occupation, +though valuing, if I may ſo uſe the +word, my independence, which only +conſiſted in chooſing the ſtreet in which +I ſhould wander, or the roof, when I +had money, in which I ſhould hide my +head, I was ſome time before I could +prevail on myſelf to accept of a place +in a houſe of ill fame, to which a girl, +with whom I had accidentally converſed +in the ſtreet, had recommended +me. I had been hunted almoſt into a +a fever, by the watchmen of the quarter +of the town I frequented; one, +whom I had unwittingly offended, giving +the word to the whole pack. You +can ſcarcely conceive the tyranny ex<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-101_S" id="APg_1-101_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-101.png">101</a>]</span>erciſed +by theſe wretches: conſidering +themſelves as the inſtruments of +the very laws they violate, the pretext +which ſteels their conſcience, hardens +their heart. Not content with receiving +from us, outlaws of ſociety (let +other women talk of favours) a brutal +gratification gratuitouſly as a privilege +of office, they extort a tithe of proſtitution, +and harraſs with threats the +poor creatures whoſe occupation affords +not the means to ſilence the growl of +avarice. To eſcape from this perſecution, +I once more entered into ſervitude.</p> + +<p>"A life of comparative regularity +reſtored my health; and—do not ſtart—my +manners were improved, in a ſituation +where vice ſought to render itſelf +alluring, and taſte was cultivated to +faſhion the perſon, if not to refine the +mind. Beſides, the common civility of<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-102_S" id="APg_1-102_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-102.png">102</a>]</span> +ſpeech, contraſted with the groſs vulgarity +to which I had been accuſtomed, +was ſomething like the poliſh of civilization. +I was not ſhut out from all intercourſe +of humanity. Still I was galled +by the yoke of ſervice, and my miſtreſs +often flying into violent fits of paſſion, +made me dread a ſudden diſmiſſion, +which I underſtood was always the +caſe. I was therefore prevailed on, +though I felt a horror of men, to accept +the offer of a gentleman, rather in the +decline of years, to keep his houſe, +pleaſantly ſituated in a little village +near Hampſtead.</p> + +<p>"He was a man of great talents, and +of brilliant wit; but, a worn-out votary +of voluptuouſneſs, his deſires became +faſtidious in proportion as they +grew weak, and the native tenderneſs +of his heart was undermined by a vi<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-103_S" id="APg_1-103_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-103.png">103</a>]</span>tiated +imagination. A thoughtleſs <ins class="err" title="Transcriber's Note: original reads 'carreer'">career</ins> +of libertiniſm and ſocial enjoyment, +had injured his health to ſuch a +degree, that, whatever pleaſure his converſation +afforded me (and my eſteem +was enſured by proofs of the generous +humanity of his diſpoſition), the being +his miſtreſs was purchaſing it at a very +dear rate. With ſuch a keen perception +of the delicacies of ſentiment, +with an imagination invigorated by +the exerciſe of genius, how could he +ſink into the groſſneſs of ſenſuality!</p> + +<p>"But, to paſs over a ſubject which I +recollect with pain, I muſt remark to +you, as an anſwer to your often-repeated +queſtion, 'Why my ſentiments and +language were ſuperior to my ſtation?' +that I now began to read, to beguile +the tediouſneſs of ſolitude, and to +gratify an inquiſitive, active mind. I<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-104_S" id="APg_1-104_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-104.png">104</a>]</span> +had often, in my childhood, followed a +ballad-ſinger, to hear the ſequel of a +diſmal ſtory, though ſure of being ſeverely +puniſhed for delaying to return +with whatever I was ſent to purchaſe. I +could juſt ſpell and put a ſentence together, +and I liſtened to the various arguments, +though often mingled with +obſcenity, which occurred at the table +where I was allowed to preſide: for a +literary friend or two frequently came +home with my maſter, to dine and paſs +the night. Having loſt the privileged reſpect +of my ſex, my preſence, inſtead +of reſtraining, perhaps gave the reins +to their tongues; ſtill I had the advantage +of hearing diſcuſſions, from which, +in the common courſe of life, women +are excluded.</p> + +<p>"You may eaſily imagine, that it +was only by degrees that I could com<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-105_S" id="APg_1-105_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-105.png">105</a>]</span>prehend +ſome of the ſubjects they inveſtigated, +or acquire from their reaſoning +what might be termed a moral +ſenſe. But my fondneſs of reading increaſing, +and my maſter occaſionally +ſhutting himſelf up in this retreat, for +weeks together, to write, I had many +opportunities of improvement. At +firſt, conſidering money <ins class="err" title="Transcriber's Note: original reads '(I was right!" exclaimed'">I was right!" (</ins>exclaimed Jemima, altering her tone of +voice) "as the only means, after my loſs +of reputation, of obtaining reſpect, or +even the toleration of humanity, I had +not the leaſt ſcruple to ſecrete a part of +the ſums intruſted to me, and to ſcreen +myſelf from detection by a ſyſtem of +falſhood. But, acquiring new principles, +I began to have the ambition of +returning to the reſpectable part of ſociety, +and was weak enough to ſuppoſe +it poſſible. The attention of my unaſ<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-106_S" id="APg_1-106_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-106.png">106</a>]</span>ſuming +inſtructor, who, without being +ignorant of his own powers, poſſeſſed +great ſimplicity of manners, ſtrengthened +the illuſion. Having ſometimes +caught up hints for thought, from my +untutored remarks, he often led me to +diſcuſs the ſubjects he was treating, +and would read to me his productions, +previous to their publication, wiſhing +to profit by the criticiſm of unſophiſticated +feeling. The aim of his writings +was to touch the ſimple ſprings of +the heart; for he deſpiſed the would-be +oracles, the ſelf-elected philoſophers, +who fright away fancy, while ſifting +each grain of thought to prove that +ſlowneſs of comprehenſion is wiſdom.</p> + +<p>"I ſhould have diſtinguiſhed this as +a moment of ſunſhine, a happy period +in my life, had not the repugnance the +diſguſting libertiniſm of my protector<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-107_S" id="APg_1-107_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-107.png">107</a>]</span> +inſpired, daily become more painful.—And, +indeed, I ſoon did recollect it as +ſuch with agony, when his ſudden +death (for he had recourſe to the moſt +exhilarating cordials to keep up the +convivial tone of his ſpirits) again +threw me into the deſert of human ſociety. +Had he had any time for reflection, +I am certain he would have +left the little property in his power to +me: but, attacked by the fatal apoplexy +in town, his heir, a man of +rigid morals, brought his wife with +him to take poſſeſſion of the houſe and +effects, before I was even informed of +his death,—'to prevent,' as ſhe took +care indirectly to tell me, 'ſuch a +creature as ſhe ſuppoſed me to be, from +purloining any of them, had I been +apprized of the event in time.'</p> + +<p>"The grief I felt at the ſudden<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-108_S" id="APg_1-108_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-108.png">108</a>]</span> +ſhock the information gave me, which +at firſt had nothing ſelfiſh in it, was +treated with contempt, and I was ordered +to pack up my clothes; and a few +trinkets and books, given me by the +generous deceaſed, were conteſted, +while they piouſly hoped, with a reprobating +ſhake of the head, 'that +God would have mercy on his ſinful +ſoul!' With ſome difficulty, I obtained +my arrears of wages; but aſking—ſuch +is the ſpirit-grinding conſequence +of poverty and infamy—for a character +for honeſty and economy, which God +knows I merited, I was told by this—why +muſt I call her woman?—'that +it would go againſt her conſcience to +recommend a kept miſtreſs.' Tears +ſtarted in my eyes, burning tears; for +there are ſituations in which a wretch<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-109_S" id="APg_1-109_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-109.png">109</a>]</span> +is humbled by the contempt they are +conſcious they do not deſerve.</p> + +<p>"I returned to the metropolis; but +the ſolitude of a poor lodging was inconceivably +dreary, after the ſociety I +had enjoyed. To be cut off from human +converſe, now I had been taught +to reliſh it, was to wander a ghoſt +among the living. Beſides, I foreſaw, to +aggravate the ſeverity of my fate, that +my little pittance would ſoon melt +away. I endeavoured to obtain needlework; +but, not having been taught early, +and my hands being rendered clumſy +by hard work, I did not ſufficiently excel +to be employed by the ready-made +linen ſhops, when ſo many women, +better qualified, were ſuing for it. +The want of a character prevented my +getting a place; for, irkſome as ſervitude +would have been to me, I ſhould<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-110_S" id="APg_1-110_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-110.png">110</a>]</span> +have made another trial, had it been +feaſible. Not that I diſliked employment, +but the inequality of condition +to which I muſt have ſubmitted. +I had acquired a taſte for literature, +during the five years I had lived with +a literary man, occaſionally converſing +with men of the firſt abilities of the +age; and now to deſcend to the loweſt +vulgarity, was a degree of wretchedneſs +not to be imagined unfelt. I had +not, it is true, taſted the charms of affection, +but I had been familiar with +the graces of humanity.</p> + +<p>"One of the gentlemen, whom I +had frequently dined in company with, +while I was treated like a companion, +met me in the ſtreet, and enquired +after my health. I ſeized the occaſion, +and began to deſcribe my ſituation; +but he was in haſte to join, at dinner,<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-111_S" id="APg_1-111_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-111.png">111</a>]</span> +a ſelect party of choice ſpirits; therefore, +without waiting to hear me, he +impatiently put a guinea into my hand, +ſaying, 'It was a pity ſuch a ſenſible +woman ſhould be in diſtreſs—he wiſhed +me well from his ſoul.'</p> + +<p>"To another I wrote, ſtating my caſe, +and requeſting advice. He was an advocate +for unequivocal ſincerity; and +had often, in my preſence, deſcanted +on the evils which ariſe in ſociety from +the deſpotiſm of rank and riches.</p> + +<p>"In reply, I received a long eſſay on +the energy of the human mind, with +continual alluſions to his own force of +character. He added, 'That the woman +who could write ſuch a letter as I +had ſent him, could never be in want +of reſources, were ſhe to look into herſelf, +and exert her powers; miſery was +the conſequence of indolence, and, as<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-112_S" id="APg_1-112_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-112.png">112</a>]</span> +to my being ſhut out from ſociety, it +was the lot of man to ſubmit to certain +privations.'</p> + +<p>"How often have I heard," ſaid +Jemima, interrupting her narrative, +"in converſation, and read in books, +that every perſon willing to work may +find employment? It is the vague aſſertion, +I believe, of inſenſible indolence, +when it relates to men; but, with +reſpect to women, I am ſure of its fallacy, +unleſs they will ſubmit to the +moſt menial bodily labour; and even +to be employed at hard labour is out of +the reach of many, whoſe reputation +miſfortune or folly has tainted.</p> + +<p>"How writers, profeſſing to be friends +to freedom, and the improvement of +morals, can aſſert that poverty is no +evil, I cannot imagine."</p> + +<p>"No more can I," interrupted Ma<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-113_S" id="APg_1-113_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-113.png">113</a>]</span>ria, +"yet they even expatiate on the +peculiar happineſs of indigence, though +in what it can conſiſt, excepting in +brutal reſt, when a man can barely earn +a ſubſiſtence, I cannot imagine. The +mind is neceſſarily impriſoned in its +own little tenement; and, fully occupied +by keeping it in repair, has not +time to rove abroad for improvement. +The book of knowledge is cloſely +claſped, againſt thoſe who muſt fulfil +their daily taſk of ſevere manual labour +or die; and curioſity, rarely excited by +thought or information, ſeldom moves +on the ſtagnate lake of ignorance."</p> + +<p>"As far as I have been able to obſerve," +replied Jemima, "prejudices, +caught up by chance, are obſtinately +maintained by the poor, to the excluſion +of improvement; they have not +time to reaſon or reflect to any extent,<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-114_S" id="APg_1-114_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-114.png">114</a>]</span> +or minds ſufficiently exerciſed to adopt +the principles of action, which form +perhaps the only baſis of contentment +in every ſtation<a name="AFNanchor_114-A_5_S" id="AFNanchor_114-A_5_S"></a><a href="#AFootnote_114-A_5_S" class="fnanchor">[114-A]</a>."</p> + +<hr /> + +<p>"And independence," ſaid Darnford, +"they are neceſſarily ſtrangers to, +even the independence of deſpiſing their +perſecutors. If the poor are happy, or +can be happy, <i>things are very well as they +are</i>. And I cannot conceive on what +principle thoſe writers contend for a +change of ſyſtem, who ſupport this +opinion. The authors on the other +ſide of the queſtion are much more +conſiſtent, who grant the fact; yet, inſiſting +that it is the lot of the majority<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-115_S" id="APg_1-115_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-115.png">115</a>]</span> +to be oppreſſed in this life, kindly turn +them over to another, to rectify the +falſe weights and meaſures of this, as +the only way to juſtify the diſpenſations +of Providence. I have not," continued +Darnford, "an opinion more firmly +fixed by obſervation in my mind, than +that, though riches may fail to produce +proportionate happineſs, poverty moſt +commonly excludes it, by ſhutting up +all the avenues to improvement."</p> + +<p>"And as for the affections," added +Maria, with a ſigh, "how groſs, and +even tormenting do they become, unleſs +regulated by an improving mind! +The culture of the heart ever, I believe, +keeps pace with that of the +mind. But pray go on," addreſſing +Jemima, "though your narrative gives +riſe to the moſt painful reflections on +the preſent ſtate of ſociety."</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-116_S" id="APg_1-116_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-116.png">116</a>]</span> +"Not to trouble you," continued +ſhe, "with a detailed deſcription of all +the painful feelings of unavailing exertion, +I have only to tell you, that at +laſt I got recommended to waſh in a +few families, who did me the favour +to admit me into their houſes, without +the moſt ſtrict enquiry, to waſh from +one in the morning till eight at night, +for eighteen or twenty-pence a day. +On the happineſs to be enjoyed over a +waſhing-tub I need not comment; yet +you will allow me to obſerve, that this +was a wretchedneſs of ſituation peculiar +to my ſex. A man with half my induſtry, +and, I may ſay, abilities, could +have procured a decent livelihood, and +diſcharged ſome of the duties which +knit mankind together; whilſt I, who +had acquired a taſte for the rational, nay, +in honeſt pride let me aſſert it, the<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-117_S" id="APg_1-117_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-117.png">117</a>]</span> +virtuous enjoyments of life, was caſt +aſide as the filth of ſociety. Condemned +to labour, like a machine, only +to earn bread, and ſcarcely that, I became +melancholy and deſperate.</p> + +<p>"I have now to mention a circumſtance +which fills me with remorſe, and +fear it will entirely deprive me of your +eſteem. A tradeſman became attached +to me, and viſited me frequently,—and +I at laſt obtained ſuch a power over +him, that he offered to take me home +to his houſe.—Conſider, dear madam, +I was famiſhing: wonder not that I became +a wolf!—The only reaſon for not +taking me home immediately, was the +having a girl in the houſe, with child +by him—and this girl—I adviſed him—yes, +I did! would I could forget it!—to +turn out of doors: and one night he +determined to follow my advice, Poor<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-118_S" id="APg_1-118_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-118.png">118</a>]</span> +wretch! ſhe fell upon her knees, reminded +him that he had promiſed to +marry her, that her parents were honeſt!—What +did it avail?—She was turned +out.</p> + +<p>"She approached her father's door, +in the ſkirts of London,—liſtened at +the ſhutters,—but could not knock. A +watchman had obſerved her go and +return ſeveral times—Poor wretch!—<ins class="err" title="Transcriber's Note: Errata: original reads '['">"</ins> The +remorſe Jemima ſpoke of, ſeemed +to be ſtinging her to the ſoul, as ſhe +proceeded.<ins class="err" title="Transcriber's Note: Errata: original reads ']'">"</ins></p> + +<p>"She left it, and, approaching a +tub where horſes were watered, ſhe +ſat down in it, and, with deſperate reſolution, +remained in that attitude—till +reſolution was no longer neceſſary!</p> + +<p>"I happened that morning to be +going out to waſh, anticipating the +moment when I ſhould eſcape from<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-119_S" id="APg_1-119_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-119.png">119</a>]</span> +ſuch hard labour. I paſſed by, juſt as +ſome men, going to work, drew out +the ſtiff, cold corpſe—Let me not recal +the horrid moment!—I recognized +her pale viſage; I liſtened to the tale +told by the ſpectators, and my heart +did not burſt. I thought of my own +ſtate, and wondered how I could be +ſuch a monſter!—I worked hard; and, +returning home, I was attacked by a +fever. I ſuffered both in body and mind. +I determined not to live with the +wretch. But he did not try me; he +left the neighbourhood. I once more +returned to the waſh-tub.</p> + +<p>"Still this ſtate, miſerable as it was, +admitted of aggravation. Lifting one +day a heavy load, a tub fell againſt my +ſhin, and gave me great pain. I did +not pay much attention to the hurt, +till it became a ſerious wound; being<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-120_S" id="APg_1-120_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-120.png">120</a>]</span> +obliged to work as uſual, or ſtarve. +But, finding myſelf at length unable +to ſtand for any time, I thought of +getting into an hoſpital. Hoſpitals, it +ſhould ſeem (for they are comfortleſs +abodes for the ſick) were expreſſly endowed +for the reception of the friendleſs; +yet I, who had on that plea a +right to aſſiſtance, wanted the recommendation +of the rich and reſpectable, +and was ſeveral weeks languiſhing for admittance; +fees were demanded on entering; +and, what was ſtill more unreaſonable, +ſecurity for burying me, that expence +not coming into the letter of the +charity. A guinea was the ſtipulated ſum—I +could as ſoon have raiſed a million; +and I was afraid to apply to the pariſh +for an order, leſt they ſhould have +paſſed me, I knew not whither. The +poor woman at whoſe houſe I lodged, +compaſſionating my ſtate, got me into<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-121_S" id="APg_1-121_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-121.png">121</a>]</span> +the hoſpital; and the family where I +received the hurt, ſent me five ſhillings, +three and ſix-pence of which I gave at +my admittance—I know not for what.</p> + +<p>"My leg grew quickly better; but +I was diſmiſſed before my cure was +completed, becauſe I could not afford +to have my linen waſhed to appear decently, +as the virago of a nurſe ſaid, +when the gentlemen (the ſurgeons) +came. I cannot give you an adequate +idea of the wretchedneſs of an hoſpital; +every thing is left to the care of people +intent on gain. The attendants ſeem +to have loſt all feeling of compaſſion in +the buſtling diſcharge of their offices; +death is ſo familiar to them, that they +are not anxious to ward it off. Every +thing appeared to be conducted for the +accommodation of the medical men +and their pupils, who came to make<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-122_S" id="APg_1-122_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-122.png">122</a>]</span> +experiments on the poor, for the benefit +of the rich. One of the phyſicians, +I muſt not forget to mention, gave me +half-a-crown, and ordered me ſome +wine, when I was at the loweſt ebb. I +thought of making my caſe known to +the lady-like matron; but her forbidding +countenance prevented me. She +condeſcended to look on the patients, +and make general enquiries, two or +three times a week; but the nurſes +knew the hour when the viſit of ceremony +would commence, and every +thing was as it ſhould be.</p> + +<p>"After my diſmiſſion, I was more at +a loſs than ever for a ſubſiſtence, and, +not to weary you with a repetition of +the ſame unavailing attempts, unable +to ſtand at the waſhing-tub, I began to +conſider the rich and poor as natural +enemies, and became a thief from prin<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-123_S" id="APg_1-123_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-123.png">123</a>]</span>ciple. +I could not now ceaſe to reaſon, +but I hated mankind. I deſpiſed myſelf, +yet I juſtified my conduct. I was +taken, tried, and condemned to ſix +months' impriſonment in a houſe of +correction. My ſoul recoils with horror +from the remembrance of the inſults I +had to endure, till, branded with ſhame, +I was turned looſe in the ſtreet, pennyleſs. +I wandered from ſtreet to ſtreet, +till, exhauſted by hunger and fatigue, I +ſunk down ſenſeleſs at a door, where +I had vainly demanded a morſel of +bread. I was ſent by the inhabitant to +the work-houſe, to which he had ſurlily +bid me go, ſaying, he 'paid enough +in conſcience to the poor,' when, with +parched tongue, I implored his charity. +If thoſe well-meaning people who exclaim +againſt beggars, were acquainted +with the treatment the poor receive in<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-124_S" id="APg_1-124_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-124.png">124</a>]</span> +many of theſe wretched aſylums, they +would not ſtifle ſo eaſily involuntary +ſympathy, by ſaying that they have all +pariſhes to go to, or wonder that the +poor dread to enter the gloomy walls. +What are the common run of work-houſes, +but priſons, in which many +reſpectable old people, worn out by +immoderate labour, ſink into the grave +in ſorrow, to which they are carried +like dogs!"</p> + +<p>Alarmed by ſome indiſtinct noiſe, +Jemima roſe haſtily to liſten, and Maria, +turning to Darnford, ſaid, "I have indeed +been ſhocked beyond expreſſion +when I have met a pauper's funeral. A +coffin carried on the ſhoulders of three +or four ill-looking wretches, whom the +imagination might eaſily convert into a +band of aſſaſſins, haſtening to conceal +the corpſe, and quarrelling about the<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-125_S" id="APg_1-125_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-125.png">125</a>]</span> +prey on their way. I know it is of +little conſequence how we are conſigned +to the earth; but I am led by +this brutal inſenſibility, to what even +the animal creation appears forcibly to +feel, to advert to the wretched, deſerted +manner in which they died."</p> + +<p>"True," rejoined Darnford, "and, +till the rich will give more than a part +of their wealth, till they will give time +and attention to the wants of the diſtreſſed, +never let them boaſt of charity. +Let them open their hearts, and not +their purſes, and employ their minds +in the ſervice, if they are really actuated +by humanity; or charitable inſtitutions +will always be the prey of the +loweſt order of knaves."</p> + +<p>Jemima returning, ſeemed in haſte +to finiſh her tale. "The overſeer +farmed the poor of different pariſhes,<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-126_S" id="APg_1-126_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-126.png">126</a>]</span> +and out of the bowels of poverty was +wrung the money with which he purchaſed +this dwelling, as a private receptacle +for madneſs. He had been +a keeper at a houſe of the ſame deſcription, +and conceived that he could +make money much more readily in his +old occupation. He is a ſhrewd—ſhall +I ſay it?—villain. He obſerved ſomething +reſolute in my manner, and offered +to take me with him, and inſtruct +me how to treat the diſturbed minds he +meant to intruſt to my care. The +offer of forty pounds a year, and to quit +a workhouſe, was not to be deſpiſed, +though the condition of ſhutting my +eyes and hardening my heart was annexed +to it.</p> + +<p>"I agreed to accompany him; and +four years have I been attendant on +many wretches, and"—ſhe lowered<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-127_S" id="APg_1-127_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-127.png">127</a>]</span> +her voice,—"the witneſs of many +enormities. In ſolitude my mind +ſeemed to recover its force, and many +of the ſentiments which I imbibed in +the only tolerable period of my life, returned +with their full force. Still +what ſhould induce me to be the champion +for ſuffering humanity?—Who +ever riſked any thing for me?—Who +ever acknowledged me to be a fellow-creature?"—</p> + +<p>Maria took her hand, and Jemima, +more overcome by kindneſs than ſhe +had ever been by cruelty, haſtened out +of the room to conceal her emotions.</p> + +<p>Darnford ſoon after heard his ſummons, +and, taking leave of him, Maria +promiſed to gratify his curioſity, +with reſpect to herſelf, the firſt +opportunity.</p> + +<div class="footnotes"><h3>FOOTNOTES:</h3> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="AFootnote_114-A_5_S" id="AFootnote_114-A_5_S"></a><a href="#AFNanchor_114-A_5_S"><span class="label">[114-A]</span></a> The copy which appears to have received the +author's laſt corrections, ends at this place.</p></div> +</div> + + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-128_S" id="APg_1-128_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-128.png">128</a>]</span></p> +<h2><a name="ACHAP_VI_S" id="ACHAP_VI_S"></a>CHAP. VI.</h2> + + +<p><span class="smcap">Active</span> as love was in the heart +of Maria, the ſtory ſhe had juſt heard +made her thoughts take a wider range. +The opening buds of hope cloſed, as +if they had put forth too early, and the +the happieſt day of her life was overcaſt +by the moſt melancholy reflections. +Thinking of Jemima's peculiar fate +and her own, ſhe was led to conſider +the oppreſſed ſtate of women, and to +lament that ſhe had given birth to a +daughter. Sleep fled from her eyelids, +while ſhe dwelt on the wretchedneſs +of unprotected infancy, till ſympathy +with Jemima changed to agony, +when it ſeemed probable that her own<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-129_S" id="APg_1-129_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-129.png">129</a>]</span> +babe might even now be in the very +ſtate ſhe ſo forcibly deſcribed.</p> + +<p>Maria thought, and thought again. +Jemima's humanity had rather been +benumbed than killed, by the keen +froſt ſhe had to brave at her entrance +into life; an appeal then to her feelings, +on this tender point, ſurely +would not be fruitleſs; and Maria began +to anticipate the delight it would +afford her to gain intelligence of her +child. This project was now the only +ſubject of reflection; and ſhe watched +impatiently for the dawn of day, with +that determinate purpoſe which generally +inſures ſucceſs.</p> + +<p>At the uſual hour, Jemima brought +her breakfaſt, and a tender note from +Darnford. She ran her eye haſtily over +it, and her heart calmly hoarded up +the rapture a freſh aſſurance of affec<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-130_S" id="APg_1-130_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-130.png">130</a>]</span>tion, +affection ſuch as ſhe wiſhed to +inſpire, gave her, without diverting her +mind a moment from its deſign. While +Jemima waited to take away the +breakfaſt, Maria alluded to the reflections, +that had haunted her during the +night to the excluſion of ſleep. She +ſpoke with energy of Jemima's unmerited +ſufferings, and of the fate of a +number of deſerted females, placed +within the ſweep of a whirlwind, from +which it was next to impoſſible to +eſcape. Perceiving the effect her converſation +produced on the countenance +of her guard, ſhe graſped the arm of +Jemima with that irreſiſtible warmth +which defies repulſe, exclaiming—"With +your heart, and ſuch dreadful +experience, can you lend your aid to +deprive my babe of a mother's tenderneſs, +a mother's care? In the name<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-131_S" id="APg_1-131_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-131.png">131</a>]</span> +of God, aſſiſt me to ſnatch her from +deſtruction! Let me but give her an +education—let me but prepare her +body and mind to encounter the ills +which await her ſex, and I will teach +her to conſider you as her ſecond mother, +and herſelf as the prop of your +age. Yes, Jemima, look at me—obſerve +me cloſely, and read my very ſoul; +you merit a better fate;" ſhe held out +her hand with a firm geſture of aſſurance; +"and I will procure it for you, +as a teſtimony of my eſteem, as well as +of my gratitude."</p> + +<p>Jemima had not power to reſiſt this +perſuaſive torrent; and, owning that +the houſe in which ſhe was confined, +was ſituated on the banks of the +Thames, only a few miles from London, +and not on the ſea-coaſt, as Darnford +had ſuppoſed, ſhe promiſed to in<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-132_S" id="APg_1-132_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-132.png">132</a>]</span>vent +ſome excuſe for her abſence, and +go herſelf to trace the ſituation, and +enquire concerning the health, of this +abandoned daughter. Her manner +implied an intention to do ſomething +more, but ſhe ſeemed unwilling to +impart her deſign; and Maria, glad to +have obtained the main point, thought +it beſt to leave her to the workings of +her own mind; convinced that ſhe had +the power of intereſting her ſtill more +in favour of herſelf and child, by a +ſimple recital of facts.</p> + +<p>In the evening, Jemima informed the +impatient mother, that on the morrow +ſhe ſhould haſten to town before the family +hour of riſing, and received all +the information neceſſary, as a clue to +her ſearch. The "Good night!" Maria +uttered was peculiarly ſolemn and +affectionate. Glad expectation ſpar<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-133_S" id="APg_1-133_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-133.png">133</a>]</span>kled +in her eye; and, for the firſt time +ſince her detention, ſhe pronounced +the name of her child with pleaſureable +fondneſs; and, with all the garrulity +of a nurſe, deſcribed her firſt +ſmile when ſhe recognized her mother. +Recollecting herſelf, a ſtill +kinder "Adieu!" with a "God +bleſs you!"—that ſeemed to include +a maternal benediction, diſmiſſed +Jemima.</p> + +<p>The dreary ſolitude of the enſuing +day, lengthened by impatiently dwelling +on the ſame idea, was intolerably +weariſome. She liſtened for the ſound +of a particular clock, which ſome directions +of the wind allowed her to +hear diſtinctly. She marked the ſhadow +gaining on the wall; and, twilight +thickening into darkneſs, her breath +ſeemed oppreſſed while ſhe anxiouſly<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-134_S" id="APg_1-134_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-134.png">134</a>]</span> +counted nine.—The laſt ſound was a +ſtroke of deſpair on her heart; for ſhe +expected every moment, without ſeeing +Jemima, to have her light extinguiſhed +by the ſavage female who ſupplied +her place. She was even obliged +to prepare for bed, reſtleſs as ſhe was, +not to diſoblige her new attendant. +She had been cautioned not to ſpeak +too freely to her; but the caution was +needleſs, her countenance would ſtill +more emphatically have made her +ſhrink back. Such was the ferocity of +manner, conſpicuous in every word +and geſture of this hag, that Maria was +afraid to enquire, why Jemima, who +had faithfully promiſed to ſee her before +her door was ſhut for the night, came +not?—and, when the key turned in the +lock, to conſign her to a night of ſuſpence, +ſhe felt a degree of anguiſh<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-135_S" id="APg_1-135_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-135.png">135</a>]</span> +which the circumſtances ſcarcely juſtified.</p> + +<p>Continually on the watch, the ſhutting +of a door, or the ſound of a footſtep, +made her ſtart and tremble with +apprehenſion, ſomething like what ſhe +felt, when, at her entrance, dragged +along the gallery, ſhe began to doubt +whether ſhe were not ſurrounded by +demons?</p> + +<p>Fatigued by an endleſs rotation of +thought and wild alarms, ſhe looked +like a ſpectre, when Jemima entered +in the morning; eſpecially as her eyes +darted out of her head, to read in Jemima's +countenance, almoſt as pallid, +the intelligence ſhe dared not truſt her +tongue to demand. Jemima put down +the tea-things, and appeared very buſy +in arranging the table. Maria took up +a cup with trembling hand, then for<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-136_S" id="APg_1-136_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-136.png">136</a>]</span>cibly +recovering her fortitude, and reſtraining +the convulſive movement +which agitated the muſcles of her +mouth, ſhe ſaid, "Spare yourſelf the +pain of preparing me for your information, +I adjure you!—My child is dead!" +Jemima ſolemnly anſwered, "Yes;" +with a look expreſſive of compaſſion +and angry emotions. "Leave me," +added Maria, making a freſh effort to +govern her feelings, and hiding her face +in her handkerchief, to conceal her anguiſh—"It +is enough—I know that my +babe is no more—I will hear the particulars +when I am"—<i>calmer</i>, ſhe could not +utter; and Jemima, without importuning +her by idle attempts to conſole her, +left the room.</p> + +<p>Plunged in the deepeſt melancholy, +ſhe would not admit Darnford's viſits; +and ſuch is the force of early aſſocia<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-137_S" id="APg_1-137_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-137.png">137</a>]</span>tions +even on ſtrong minds, that, for +a while, ſhe indulged the ſuperſtitious +notion that ſhe was juſtly puniſhed by +the death of her child, for having for an +inſtant ceaſed to regret her loſs. Two +or three letters from Darnford, full of +ſoothing, manly tenderneſs, only added +poignancy to theſe accuſing emotions; +yet the paſſionate ſtyle in which he expreſſed, +what he termed the firſt and +fondeſt wiſh of his heart, "that his affection +might make her ſome amends +for the cruelty and injuſtice ſhe had endured," +inſpired a ſentiment of gratitude +to heaven; and her eyes filled +with delicious tears, when, at the concluſion +of his letter, wiſhing to ſupply +the place of her unworthy relations, +whoſe want of principle he execrated, +he aſſured her, calling her his deareſt +girl, "that it ſhould henceforth be the +buſineſs of his life to make her happy."</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-138_S" id="APg_1-138_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-138.png">138</a>]</span> +He begged, in a note ſent the following +morning, to be permitted to ſee +her, when his preſence would be no intruſion +on her grief; and ſo earneſtly +intreated to be allowed, according to +promiſe, to beguile the tedious moments +of abſence, by dwelling on the +events of her paſt life, that ſhe ſent him +the memoirs which had been written +for her daughter, promiſing Jemima the +peruſal as ſoon as he returned them.</p> + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-139_S" id="APg_1-139_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-139.png">139</a>]</span></p> +<h2><a name="ACHAP_VII_S" id="ACHAP_VII_S"></a>CHAP. VII.</h2> + + +<p>"<span class="smcap">Addreſſing</span> theſe memoirs to +you, my child, uncertain whether I +ſhall ever have an opportunity of inſtructing +you, many obſervations will +probably flow from my heart, which +only a mother—a mother ſchooled in +miſery, could make.</p> + +<p>"The tenderneſs of a father who knew +the world, might be great; but could it +equal that of a mother—of a mother, +labouring under a portion of the miſery, +which the conſtitution of ſociety ſeems +to have entailed on all her kind? It is, +my child, my deareſt daughter, only +ſuch a mother, who will dare to break +through all reſtraint to provide for your +happineſs—who will voluntarily brave<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-140_S" id="APg_1-140_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-140.png">140</a>]</span> +cenſure herſelf, to ward off ſorrow from +your boſom. From my narrative, my +dear girl, you may gather the inſtruction, +the counſel, which is meant rather +to exerciſe than influence your +mind.—Death may ſnatch me from you, +before you can weigh my advice, or +enter into my reaſoning: I would then, +with fond anxiety, lead you very early +in life to form your grand principle of +action, to ſave you from the vain regret +of having, through irreſolution, let the +ſpring-tide of exiſtence paſs away, unimproved, +unenjoyed.—Gain experience—ah! +gain it—while experience is +worth having, and acquire ſufficient +fortitude to purſue your own happineſs; +it includes your utility, by a direct path. +What is wiſdom too often, but the +owl of the goddeſs, who ſits moping +in a deſolated heart; around me ſhe<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-141_S" id="APg_1-141_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-141.png">141</a>]</span> +ſhrieks, but I would invite all the gay +warblers of ſpring to neſtle in your +blooming boſom.—Had I not waſted +years in deliberating, after I ceaſed to +doubt, how I ought to have acted—I +might now be uſeful and happy.—For +my ſake, warned by my example, always +appear what you are, and you +will not paſs through exiſtence without +enjoying its genuine bleſſings, love and +reſpect.</p> + +<p>"Born in one of the moſt romantic +parts of England, an enthuſiaſtic fondneſs +for the varying charms of nature +is the firſt ſentiment I recollect; or rather +it was the firſt conſciouſneſs of +pleaſure that employed and formed my +imagination.</p> + +<p>"My father had been a captain +of a man of war; but, diſguſted with +the ſervice, on account of the pre<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-142_S" id="APg_1-142_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-142.png">142</a>]</span>ferment +of men whoſe chief merit was +their family connections or borough +intereſt, he retired into the country; +and, not knowing what to do with +himſelf—married. In his family, to +regain his loſt conſequence, he determined +to keep up the ſame paſſive obedience, +as in the veſſels in which he had +commanded. His orders were not to be +diſputed; and the whole houſe was expected +to fly, at the word of command, +as if to man the ſhrouds, or mount aloft +in an elemental ſtrife, big with life or +death. He was to be inſtantaneouſly +obeyed, eſpecially by my mother, whom +he very benevolently married for love; +but took care to remind her of the obligation, +when ſhe dared, in the ſlighteſt +inſtance, to queſtion his abſolute authority. +My eldeſt brother, it is true, as +he grew up, was treated with more re<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-143_S" id="APg_1-143_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-143.png">143</a>]</span>ſpect +by my father; and became in due +form the deputy-tyrant of the houſe. +The repreſentative of my father, a being +privileged by nature—a boy, and +the darling of my mother, he did not +fail to act like an heir apparent. Such +indeed was my mother's extravagant +partiality, that, in compariſon with her +affection for him, ſhe might be ſaid not +to love the reſt of her children. Yet +none of the children ſeemed to have ſo +little affection for her. Extreme indulgence +had rendered him ſo ſelfiſh, +that he only thought of himſelf; and +from tormenting inſects and animals, he +became the deſpot of his brothers, and +ſtill more of his ſiſters.</p> + +<p>"It is perhaps difficult to give you an +idea of the petty cares which obſcured +the morning of my life; continual reſtraint +in the moſt trivial matters; un<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-144_S" id="APg_1-144_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-144.png">144</a>]</span>conditional +ſubmiſſion to orders, which, +as a mere child, I ſoon diſcovered to be +unreaſonable, becauſe inconſiſtent and +contradictory. Thus are we deſtined +to experience a mixture of bitterneſs, +with the recollection of our moſt innocent +enjoyments.</p> + +<p>"The circumſtances which, during +my childhood, occurred to faſhion my +mind, were various; yet, as it would +probably afford me more pleaſure to +revive the fading remembrance of new-born +delight, than you, my child, could +feel in the peruſal, I will not entice +you to ſtray with me into the verdant +meadow, to ſearch for the flowers that +youthful hopes ſcatter in every path; +though, as I write, I almoſt ſcent the +freſh green of ſpring—of that ſpring +which never returns!</p> + +<p>"I had two ſiſters, and one brother,<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-145_S" id="APg_1-145_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-145.png">145</a>]</span> +younger than myſelf; my brother Robert +was two years older, and might +truly be termed the idol of his parents, +and the torment of the reſt of the family. +Such indeed is the force of prejudice, +that what was called ſpirit and +wit in him, was cruelly repreſſed as +forwardneſs in me.</p> + +<p>"My mother had an indolence of +character, which prevented her from +paying much attention to our education. +But the healthy breeze of a +neighbouring heath, on which we +bounded at pleaſure, volatilized the +humours that improper food might +have generated. And to enjoy open +air and freedom, was paradiſe, after +the unnatural reſtraint of our fire-ſide, +where we were often obliged to ſit +three or four hours together, without +daring to utter a word, when my fa<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-146_S" id="APg_1-146_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-146.png">146</a>]</span>ther +was out of humour, from want of +employment, or of a variety of boiſterous +amuſement. I had however one +advantage, an inſtructor, the brother +of my father, who, intended for the +church, had of courſe received a +liberal education. But, becoming attached +to a young lady of great beauty +and large fortune, and acquiring in the +world ſome opinions not conſonant +with the profeſſion for which he was +deſigned, he accepted, with the moſt +ſanguine expectations of ſucceſs, the +offer of a nobleman to accompany him +to India, as his confidential ſecretary.</p> + +<p>"A correſpondence was regularly +kept up with the object of his affection; +and the intricacies of buſineſs, peculiarly +weariſome to a man of a romantic +turn of mind, contributed, with a forced +abſence, to increaſe his attachment.<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-147_S" id="APg_1-147_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-147.png">147</a>]</span> +Every other paſſion was loſt in this +maſter-one, and only ſerved to ſwell the +torrent. Her relations, ſuch were his +waking dreams, who had deſpiſed him, +would court in their turn his alliance, +and all the blandiſhments of taſte would +grace the triumph of love.—While he +baſked in the warm ſunſhine of love, +friendſhip alſo promiſed to ſhed its +dewy freſhneſs; for a friend, whom he +loved next to his miſtreſs, was the confident, +who forwarded the letters from +one to the other, to elude the obſervation +of prying relations. A friend falſe +in ſimilar circumſtances, is, my deareſt +girl, an old tale; yet, let not this example, +or the frigid caution of cold-blooded +moraliſts, make you endeavour +to ſtifle hopes, which are the buds that +naturally unfold themſelves during the +ſpring of life! Whilſt your own heart<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-148_S" id="APg_1-148_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-148.png">148</a>]</span> +is ſincere, always expect to meet one +glowing with the ſame ſentiments; for +to fly from pleaſure, is not to avoid +pain!</p> + +<p>"My uncle realized, by good luck, +rather than management, a handſome +fortune; and returning on the wings of +love, loſt in the moſt enchanting reveries, +to England, to ſhare it with his +miſtreſs and his friend, he found them—united.</p> + +<p>"There were ſome circumſtances, not +neceſſary for me to recite, which aggravated +the guilt of the friend beyond meaſure, +and the deception, that had been carried +on to the laſt moment, was ſo baſe, +it produced the moſt violent effect on +my uncle's health and ſpirits. His native +country, the world! lately a garden of +blooming ſweets, blaſted by treachery, +ſeemed changed into a parched deſert,<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-149_S" id="APg_1-149_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-149.png">149</a>]</span> +the abode of hiſſing ſerpents. Diſappointment +rankled in his heart; and, +brooding over his wrongs, he was attacked +by a raging fever, followed by +a derangement of mind, which only +gave place to habitual melancholy, as +he recovered more ſtrength of body.</p> + +<p>"Declaring an intention never to +marry, his relations were ever cluſtering +about him, paying the groſſeſt adulation +to a man, who, diſguſted with +mankind, received them with ſcorn, or +bitter ſarcaſms. Something in my +countenance pleaſed him, when I began +to prattle. Since his return, he appeared +dead to affection; but I ſoon, +by ſhowing him innocent fondneſs, became +a favourite; and endeavouring +to enlarge and ſtrengthen my mind, I +grew dear to him in proportion as I imbibed +his ſentiments. He had a forcible<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-150_S" id="APg_1-150_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-150.png">150</a>]</span> +manner of ſpeaking, rendered more +ſo by a certain impreſſive wildneſs of +look and geſture, calculated to engage +the attention of a young and ardent +mind. It is not then ſurpriſing that I +quickly adopted his opinions in preference, +and reverenced him as one of +a ſuperior order of beings. He inculcated, +with great warmth, ſelf-reſpect, +and a lofty conſciouſneſs of acting +right, independent of the cenſure or +applauſe of the world; nay, he almoſt +taught me to brave, and even deſpiſe +its cenſure, when convinced of the rectitude +of my own intentions.</p> + +<p>"Endeavouring to prove to me that +nothing which deſerved the name of +love or friendſhip, exiſted in the world, +he drew ſuch animated pictures of his +own feelings, rendered permanent by +diſappointment, as imprinted the ſen<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-151_S" id="APg_1-151_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-151.png">151</a>]</span>timents +ſtrongly on my heart, and animated +my imagination. Theſe remarks +are neceſſary to elucidate ſome peculiarities +in my character, which by the +world are indefinitely termed romantic.</p> + +<p>"My uncle's increaſing affection led +him to viſit me often. Still, unable to +reſt in any place, he did not remain +long in the country to ſoften domeſtic +tyranny; but he brought me books, for +which I had a paſſion, and they conſpired +with his converſation, to make +me form an ideal picture of life. I ſhall +paſs over the tyranny of my father, +much as I ſuffered from it; but it is +neceſſary to notice, that it undermined +my mother's health; and that +her temper, continually irritated by +domeſtic bickering, became intolerably +peeviſh.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-152_S" id="APg_1-152_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-152.png">152</a>]</span> +"My eldeſt brother was articled to a +neighbouring attorney, the ſhrewdeſt, +and, I may add, the moſt unprincipled +man in that part of the country. As +my brother generally came home every +Saturday, to aſtoniſh my mother by +exhibiting his attainments, he gradually +aſſumed a right of directing the +whole family, not excepting my father. +He ſeemed to take a peculiar pleaſure +in tormenting and humbling me; and +if I ever ventured to complain of this +treatment to either my father or mother, +I was rudely rebuffed for preſuming +to judge of the conduct of my eldeſt +brother.</p> + +<p>"About this period a merchant's +family came to ſettle in our neighbourhood. +A manſion-houſe in the village, +lately purchaſed, had been preparing +the whole ſpring, and the ſight of the<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-153_S" id="APg_1-153_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-153.png">153</a>]</span> +coſtly furniture, ſent from London, had +excited my mother's envy, and rouſed +my father's pride. My ſenſations were +very different, and all of a pleaſurable +kind. I longed to ſee new characters, +to break the tedious monotony of my +life; and to find a friend, ſuch as fancy +had pourtrayed. I cannot then deſcribe +the emotion I felt, the Sunday they +made their appearance at church. My +eyes were rivetted on the pillar round +which I expected firſt to catch a glimpſe +of them, and darted forth to meet a +ſervant who haſtily preceded a group +of ladies, whoſe white robes and waving +plumes, ſeemed to ſtream along the +gloomy aiſle, diffuſing the light, by +which I contemplated their figures.</p> + +<p>"We viſited them in form; and I +quickly ſelected the eldeſt daughter for +my friend. The ſecond ſon, George,<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-154_S" id="APg_1-154_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-154.png">154</a>]</span> +paid me particular attention, and finding +his attainments and manners ſuperior +to thoſe of the young men of the +village, I began to imagine him ſuperior +to the reſt of mankind. Had my home +been more comfortable, or my previous +acquaintance more numerous, I ſhould +not probably have been ſo eager to +open my heart to new affections.</p> + +<p>"Mr. Venables, the merchant, had +acquired a large fortune by unremitting +attention to buſineſs; but his health declining +rapidly, he was obliged to retire, +before his ſon, George, had acquired +ſufficient experience, to enable +him to conduct their affairs on the ſame +prudential plan, his father had invariably +purſued. Indeed, he had laboured +to throw off his authority, +having deſpiſed his narrow plans and +cautious ſpeculation. The eldeſt ſon<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-155_S" id="APg_1-155_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-155.png">155</a>]</span> +could not be prevailed on to enter the +firm; and, to oblige his wife, and have +peace in the houſe, Mr. Venables had +purchaſed a commiſſion for him in the +guards.</p> + +<p>"I am now alluding to circumſtances +which came to my knowledge long +after; but it is neceſſary, my deareſt +child, that you ſhould know the character +of your father, to prevent your +deſpiſing your mother; the only parent +inclined to diſcharge a parent's duty. +In London, George had acquired habits +of libertiniſm, which he carefully concealed +from his father and his commercial +connections. The maſk he +wore, was ſo complete a covering of +his real viſage, that the praiſe his father +laviſhed on his conduct, and, poor +miſtaken man! on his principles, contraſted +with his brother's, rendered the<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-156_S" id="APg_1-156_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-156.png">156</a>]</span> +notice he took of me peculiarly flattering. +Without any fixed deſign, as I +am now convinced, he continued to +ſingle me out at the dance, preſs my +hand at parting, and utter expreſſions +of unmeaning paſſion, to which I gave +a meaning naturally ſuggeſted by the +romantic turn of my thoughts. His +ſtay in the country was ſhort; his manners +did not entirely pleaſe me; but, +when he left us, the colouring of my +picture became more vivid—Whither +did not my imagination lead me? In +ſhort, I fancied myſelf in love—in love +with the diſintereſtedneſs, fortitude, +generoſity, dignity, and humanity, with +which I had inveſted the hero I dubbed. +A circumſtance which ſoon after +occurred, rendered all theſe virtues +palpable. [The incident is perhaps +worth relating on other accounts, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-157_S" id="APg_1-157_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-157.png">157</a>]</span> +therefore I ſhall deſcribe it diſtinctly.]</p> + +<p>"I had a great affection for my nurſe, +old Mary, for whom I uſed often to +work, to ſpare her eyes. Mary had a +younger ſiſter, married to a ſailor, while +ſhe was ſuckling me; for my mother +only ſuckled my eldeſt brother, which +might be the cauſe of her extraordinary +partiality. Peggy, Mary's ſiſter, lived +with her, till her huſband, becoming a +mate in a Weſt-India trader, got a little +before-hand in the world. He +wrote to his wife from the firſt port in +the Channel, after his moſt ſucceſſful +voyage, to requeſt her to come to +London to meet him; he even wiſhed +her to determine on living there for the +future, to ſave him the trouble of coming +to her the moment he came on +ſhore; and to turn a penny by keeping<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-158_S" id="APg_1-158_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-158.png">158</a>]</span> +a green-ſtall. It was too much to ſet out +on a journey the moment he had finiſhed +a voyage, and fifty miles by land, was +worſe than a thouſand leagues by ſea.</p> + +<p>"She packed up her alls, and came to +London—but did not meet honeſt Daniel. +A common miſfortune prevented +her, and the poor are bound to ſuffer +for the good of their country—he was +preſſed in the river—and never came on +ſhore.</p> + +<p>"Peggy was miſerable in London, +not knowing, as ſhe ſaid, 'the face of +any living ſoul.' Beſides, her imagination +had been employed, anticipating +a month or ſix weeks' happineſs with +her huſband. Daniel was to have gone +with her to Sadler's Wells, and Weſtminſter +Abbey, and to many ſights, +which he knew ſhe never heard of in +the country. Peggy too was thrifty,<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-159_S" id="APg_1-159_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-159.png">159</a>]</span> +and how could ſhe manage to put his +plan in execution alone? He had acquaintance; +but ſhe did not know the +very name of their places of abode. +His letters were made up of—How do +you does, and God bleſs yous,—information +was reſerved for the hour of +meeting.</p> + +<p>"She too had her portion of information, +near at heart. Molly and Jacky +were grown ſuch little darlings, ſhe +was almoſt angry that daddy did not +ſee their tricks. She had not half the +pleaſure ſhe ſhould have had from their +prattle, could ſhe have recounted to +him each night the pretty ſpeeches of +the day. Some ſtories, however, were +ſtored up—and Jacky could ſay papa +with ſuch a ſweet voice, it muſt delight +his heart. Yet when ſhe came, and +found no Daniel to greet her, when<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-160_S" id="APg_1-160_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-160.png">160</a>]</span> +Jacky called papa, ſhe wept, bidding +'God bleſs his innocent ſoul, that +did not know what ſorrow was.'—But +more ſorrow was in ſtore for Peggy, +innocent as ſhe was.—Daniel was killed +in the firſt engagement, and then +the <i>papa</i> was agony, ſounding to the +heart.</p> + +<p>"She had lived ſparingly on his wages, +while there was any hope of his return; +but, that gone, ſhe returned with a +breaking heart to the country, to a +little market town, nearly three miles +from our village. She did not like to +go to ſervice, to be ſnubbed about, +after being her own miſtreſs. To put +her children out to nurſe was impoſſible: +how far would her wages go? and +to ſend them to her huſband's pariſh, a +diſtant one, was to loſe her huſband +twice over.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-161_S" id="APg_1-161_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-161.png">161</a>]</span> +"I had heard all from Mary, and +made my uncle furniſh a little cottage +for her, to enable her to ſell—ſo ſacred +was poor Daniel's advice, now he was +dead and gone—a little fruit, toys and +cakes. The minding of the ſhop did +not require her whole time, nor even +the keeping her children clean, and +ſhe loved to ſee them clean; ſo ſhe took +in waſhing, and altogether made a ſhift +to earn bread for her children, ſtill +weeping for Daniel, when Jacky's arch +looks made her think of his father.—It +was pleaſant to work for her children.—'Yes; +from morning till night, +could ſhe have had a kiſs from their +father, God reſt his ſoul! Yes; had +it <ins class="err" title="Transcriber's Note: original reads 'plaſed'">pleaſed</ins> Providence to have let him +come back without a leg or an arm, it +would have been the ſame thing to her—for +ſhe did not love him becauſe he<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-162_S" id="APg_1-162_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-162.png">162</a>]</span> +maintained them—no; ſhe had hands +of her own.'</p> + +<p>"The country people were honeſt, +and Peggy left her linen out to dry +very late. A recruiting party, as ſhe +ſuppoſed, paſſing through, made free +with a large waſh; for it was all ſwept +away, including her own and her children's +little ſtock.</p> + +<p>"This was a dreadful blow; two dozen +of ſhirts, ſtocks and handkerchiefs. +She gave the money which ſhe +had laid by for half a year's rent, and +promiſed to pay two ſhillings a week +till all was cleared; ſo ſhe did not loſe +her employment. This two ſhillings a +week, and the buying a few neceſſaries +for the children, drove her ſo hard, +that ſhe had not a penny to pay her rent +with, when a twelvemonth's became +due.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-163_S" id="APg_1-163_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-163.png">163</a>]</span> +"She was now with Mary, and had +juſt told her tale, which Mary inſtantly +repeated—it was intended for my +ear. Many houſes in this town, producing +a borough-intereſt, were included +in the eſtate purchaſed by Mr. +Venables, and the attorney with whom +my brother lived, was appointed his +agent, to collect and raiſe the rents.</p> + +<p>"He demanded Peggy's, and, in +ſpite of her intreaties, her poor goods +had been ſeized and ſold. So that ſhe +had not, and what was worſe her children, +'for ſhe had known ſorrow +enough,' a bed to lie on. She knew +that I was good-natured—right charitable, +yet not liking to aſk for more +than needs muſt, ſhe ſcorned to petition +while people could any how be +made to wait. But now, ſhould ſhe +be turned out of doors, ſhe muſt ex<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-164_S" id="APg_1-164_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-164.png">164</a>]</span>pect +nothing leſs than to loſe all her +cuſtomers, and then ſhe muſt beg or +ſtarve—and what would become of her +children?—'had Daniel not been +preſſed—but God knows beſt—all this +could not have happened.'</p> + +<p>"I had two mattraſſes on my bed; +what did I want with two, when +ſuch a worthy creature muſt lie on the +ground? My mother would be angry, +but I could conceal it till my uncle +came down; and then I would tell him +all the whole truth, and if he abſolved +me, heaven would.</p> + +<p>"I begged the houſe-maid to come +up ſtairs with me (ſervants always feel +for the diſtreſſes of poverty, and ſo +would the rich if they knew what it +was). She aſſiſted me to tie up the +mattraſs; I diſcovering, at the ſame +time, that one blanket would ſerve me<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-165_S" id="APg_1-165_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-165.png">165</a>]</span> +till winter, could I perſuade my ſiſter, +who ſlept with me, to keep my ſecret. +She entering in the midſt of the package, +I gave her ſome new feathers, to +ſilence her. We got the mattraſs +down the back ſtairs, unperceived, +and I helped to carry it, taking with +me all the money I had, and what I +could borrow from my ſiſter.</p> + +<p>"When I got to the cottage, Peggy +declared that ſhe would not take what +I had brought ſecretly; but, when, +with all the eager eloquence inſpired +by a decided purpoſe, I graſped her +hand with weeping eyes, aſſuring her +that my uncle would ſcreen me from +blame, when he was once more in the +country, deſcribing, at the ſame time, +what ſhe would ſuffer in parting with +her children, after keeping them ſo +long from being thrown on the pariſh, +ſhe reluctantly conſented.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-166_S" id="APg_1-166_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-166.png">166</a>]</span> +"My project of uſefulneſs ended not +here; I determined to ſpeak to the +attorney; he frequently paid me compliments. +His character did not intimidate +me; but, imagining that Peggy +muſt be miſtaken, and that no man +could turn a deaf ear to ſuch a tale of +complicated diſtreſs, I determined to +walk to the town with Mary the next +morning, and requeſt him to wait for +the rent, and keep my ſecret, till my +uncle's return.</p> + +<p>"My repoſe was ſweet; and, waking +with the firſt dawn of day, I bounded +to Mary's cottage. What charms do +not a light heart ſpread over nature! +Every bird that twittered in a buſh, +every flower that enlivened the hedge, +ſeemed placed there to awaken me to +rapture—yes; to rapture. The preſent +moment was full fraught with happi<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-167_S" id="APg_1-167_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-167.png">167</a>]</span>neſs; +and on futurity I beſtowed not a +thought, excepting to anticipate my +ſucceſs with the attorney.</p> + +<p>"This man of the world, with roſy +face and ſimpering features, received +me politely, nay kindly; liſtened with +complacency to my remonſtrances, +though he ſcarcely heeded Mary's tears. +I did not then ſuſpect, that my eloquence +was in my complexion, the +bluſh of ſeventeen, or that, in a world +where humanity to women is the characteriſtic +of advancing civilization, the +beauty of a young girl was ſo much +more intereſting than the diſtreſs of an +old one. Preſſing my hand, he promiſed +to let Peggy remain in the houſe +as long as I wiſhed.—I more than returned +the preſſure—I was ſo grateful +and ſo happy. Emboldened by my innocent +warmth, he then kiſſed me<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-168_S" id="APg_1-168_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-168.png">168</a>]</span>—and +I did not draw back—I took it for +a kiſs of charity.</p> + +<p>"Gay as a lark, I went to dine at Mr. +Venables'. I had previouſly obtained +five ſhillings from my father, towards +re-clothing the poor children of my +care, and prevailed on my mother to +take one of the girls into the houſe, whom +I determined to teach to work and read.</p> + +<p>"After dinner, when the younger part +of the circle retired to the muſic room, +I recounted with energy my tale; that +is, I mentioned Peggy's diſtreſs, without +hinting at the ſteps I had taken to +relieve her. Miſs Venables gave me +half-a-crown; the heir five ſhillings; +but George ſat unmoved. I was cruelly +diſtreſſed by the diſappointment—I +ſcarcely could remain on my chair; +and, could I have got out of the room +unperceived, I ſhould have flown home, +as if to run away from myſelf. After<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-169_S" id="APg_1-169_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-169.png">169</a>]</span> +ſeveral vain attempts to riſe, I leaned +my head againſt the marble chimney-piece, +and gazing on the evergreens +that filled the fire-place, moralized on +the vanity of human expectations; regardleſs +of the company. I was rouſed +by a gentle tap on my ſhoulder from +behind Charlotte's chair. I turned +my head, and George ſlid a guinea into +my hand, putting his finger to his +mouth, to enjoin me ſilence.</p> + +<p>"What a revolution took place, not +only in my train of thoughts, but feelings! +I trembled with emotion—now, +indeed, I was in love. Such delicacy +too, to enhance his benevolence! I felt +in my pocket every five minutes, only +to feel the guinea; and its magic touch +inveſted my hero with more than mortal +beauty. My fancy had found a baſis +to erect its model of perfection on;<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-170_S" id="APg_1-170_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-170.png">170</a>]</span> +and quickly went to work, with all the +happy credulity of youth, to conſider +that heart as devoted to virtue, which +had only obeyed a virtuous impulſe. +The bitter experience was yet to come, +that has taught me how very diſtinct +are the principles of virtue, from the +caſual feelings from which they germinate.</p> + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-171_S" id="APg_1-171_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-171.png">171</a>]</span></p> +<h2><a name="ACHAP_VIII_S" id="ACHAP_VIII_S"></a>CHAP. VIII.</h2> + + +<p>"<span class="smcap">I have</span> perhaps dwelt too long on +a circumſtance, which is only of importance +as it marks the progreſs of a +deception that has been ſo fatal to my +peace; and introduces to your notice a +poor girl, whom, intending to ſerve, I led +to ruin. Still it is probable that I was +not entirely the victim of miſtake; and +that your father, gradually faſhioned +by the world, did not quickly become +what I heſitate to call him—out of +reſpect to my daughter.</p> + +<p>"But, to haſten to the more buſy +ſcenes of my life. Mr. Venables and +my mother died the ſame ſummer; +and, wholly engroſſed by my attention +to her, I thought of little elſe. +The neglect of her darling, my brother +Robert, had a violent effect on<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-172_S" id="APg_1-172_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-172.png">172</a>]</span> +her weakened mind; for, though boys +may be reckoned the pillars of the +houſe without doors, girls are often the +only comfort within. They but too frequently +waſte their health and ſpirits +attending a dying parent, who leaves +them in comparative poverty. After +cloſing, with filial piety, a father's +eyes, they are chaſed from the paternal +roof, to make room for the firſt-born, +the ſon, who is to carry the +empty family-name down to poſterity; +though, occupied with his own pleaſures, +he ſcarcely thought of diſcharging, +in the decline of his parent's life, +the debt contracted in his childhood. +My mother's conduct led me to make +theſe reflections. Great as was the fatigue +I endured, and the affection my +unceaſing ſolicitude evinced, of which +my mother ſeemed perfectly ſenſible, +ſtill, when my brother, whom I could<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-173_S" id="APg_1-173_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-173.png">173</a>]</span> +hardly perſuade to remain a quarter of +an hour in her chamber, was with her +alone, a ſhort time before her death, +ſhe gave him a little hoard, which ſhe +had been ſome years accumulating.</p> + +<p>"During my mother's illneſs, I was +obliged to manage my father's temper, +who, from the lingering nature of her +malady, began to imagine that it was +merely fancy. At this period, an artful +kind of upper ſervant attracted my +father's attention, and the neighbours +made many remarks on the finery, not +honeſtly got, exhibited at evening ſervice. +But I was too much occupied +with my mother to obſerve any change +in her dreſs or behaviour, or to liſten to +the whiſper of ſcandal.</p> + +<p>"I ſhall not dwell on the death-bed +ſcene, lively as is the remembrance, +or on the emotion produced by the laſt<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-174_S" id="APg_1-174_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-174.png">174</a>]</span> +graſp of my mother's cold hand; when +bleſſing me, ſhe added, 'A little patience, +and all will be over!' Ah! +my child, how often have thoſe words +rung mournfully in my ears—and I +have exclaimed—'A little more patience, +and I too ſhall be at reſt!'</p> + +<p>"My father was violently affected +by her death, recollected inſtances of +his unkindneſs, and wept like a child.</p> + +<p>"My mother had ſolemnly recommended +my ſiſters to my care, and bid +me be a mother to them. They, indeed, +became more dear to me as they +became more forlorn; for, during my +mother's illneſs, I diſcovered the ruined +ſtate of my father's circumſtances, +and that he had only been able to keep +up appearances, by the ſums which he +borrowed of my uncle.</p> + +<p>"My father's grief, and conſequent<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-175_S" id="APg_1-175_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-175.png">175</a>]</span> +tenderneſs to his children, quickly +abated, the houſe grew ſtill more +gloomy or riotous; and my refuge +from care was again at Mr. Venables'; +the young 'ſquire having taken his father's +place, and allowing, for the preſent, +his ſiſter to preſide at his table. +George, though diſſatiſfied with his +portion of the fortune, which had till +lately been all in trade, viſited the family +as uſual. He was now full of ſpeculations +in trade, and his brow became +clouded by care. He ſeemed to relax +in his attention to me, when the preſence +of my uncle gave a new turn to +his behaviour. I was too unſuſpecting, +too diſintereſted, to trace theſe changes +to their ſource.</p> + +<p>My home every day became more +and more diſagreeable to me; my liberty +was unneceſſarily abridged, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-176_S" id="APg_1-176_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-176.png">176</a>]</span> +my books, on the pretext that they made +me idle, taken from me. My father's +miſtreſs was with child, and he, doating +on her, allowed or overlooked her +vulgar manner of tyrannizing over us. +I was indignant, eſpecially when I ſaw +her endeavouring to attract, ſhall I +ſay ſeduce? my younger brother. By +allowing women but one way of riſing +in the world, the foſtering the libertiniſm +of men, ſociety makes monſters +of them, and then their ignoble +vices are brought forward as a proof of +inferiority of intellect.</p> + +<p>The weariſomeneſs of my ſituation +can ſcarcely be deſcribed. Though my +life had not paſſed in the moſt even tenour +with my mother, it was paradiſe +to that I was deſtined to endure with +my father's miſtreſs, jealous of her illegitimate +authority. My father's former<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-177_S" id="APg_1-177_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-177.png">177</a>]</span> +occaſional tenderneſs, in ſpite of his +violence of temper, had been ſoothing +to me; but now he only met me with +reproofs or portentous frowns. The +houſe-keeper, as ſhe was now termed, +was the vulgar deſpot of the family; +and aſſuming the new character of a +fine lady, ſhe could never forgive the +contempt which was ſometimes viſible +in my countenance, when ſhe uttered +with pompoſity her bad Engliſh, or +affected to be well bred.</p> + +<p>To my uncle I ventured to open my +heart; and he, with his wonted benevolence, +began to conſider in what +manner he could extricate me out of +my preſent irkſome ſituation. In ſpite +of his own diſappointment, or, moſt +probably, actuated by the feelings that +had been petrified, not cooled, in all +their ſanguine fervour, like a boiling +torrent of lava ſuddenly daſhing into<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-178_S" id="APg_1-178_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-178.png">178</a>]</span> +the ſea, he thought a marriage of mutual +inclination (would envious ſtars +permit it) the only chance for happineſs +in this diſaſtrous world. George +Venables had the reputation of being +attentive to buſineſs, and my father's +example gave great weight to this circumſtance; +for habits of order in buſineſs +would, he conceived, extend to +the regulation of the affections in domeſtic +life. George ſeldom ſpoke in +my uncle's company, except to utter a +ſhort, judicious queſtion, or to make a +pertinent remark, with all due deference +to his ſuperior judgment; ſo that +my uncle ſeldom left his company without +obſerving, that the young man had +more in him than people ſuppoſed.</p> + +<p>In this opinion he was not ſingular; +yet, believe me, and I am not ſwayed +by reſentment, theſe ſpeeches ſo juſtly<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-179_S" id="APg_1-179_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-179.png">179</a>]</span> +poized, this ſilent deference, when the +animal ſpirits of other young people +were throwing off youthful ebullitions, +were not the effect of thought or humility, +but ſheer barrenneſs of mind, +and want of imagination. A colt of +mettle will curvet and ſhew his paces. +Yes; my dear girl, theſe prudent +young men want all the fire neceſſary +to ferment their faculties, and are characterized +as wiſe, only becauſe they +are not fooliſh. It is true, that George +was by no means ſo great a favourite +of mine as during the firſt year of our +acquaintance; ſtill, as he often coincided +in opinion with me, and echoed +my ſentiments; and having myſelf no +other attachment, I heard with pleaſure +my uncle's propoſal; but thought +more of obtaining my freedom, than +of my lover. But, when George, ſeem<span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-180_S" id="APg_1-180_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-180.png">180</a>]</span>ingly +anxious for my happineſs, preſſed +me to quit my preſent painful ſituation, +my heart ſwelled with gratitude—I +knew not that my uncle had promiſed +him five thouſand pounds.</p> + +<p>Had this truly generous man mentioned +his intention to me, I ſhould have inſiſted +on a thouſand pounds being ſettled +on each of my ſiſters; George would +have conteſted; I ſhould have ſeen his +ſelfiſh ſoul; and—gracious God! have +been ſpared the miſery of diſcovering, +when too late, that I was united to a +heartleſs, unprincipled wretch. All +my ſchemes of uſefulneſs would not +then have been blaſted. The tenderneſs +of my heart would not have heated +my imagination with viſions of the +ineffable delight of happy love; nor +would the ſweet duty of a mother have +been ſo cruelly interrupted.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="APg_1-181_S" id="APg_1-181_S"></a>[<a href="images/v1-181.png">181</a>]</span> +But I muſt not ſuffer the fortitude +I have ſo hardly acquired, to be undermined +by unavailing regret. Let me +haſten forward to deſcribe the turbid +ſtream in which I had to wade—but +let me exultingly declare that it is +paſſed—my ſoul holds fellowſhip with +him no more. He cut the Gordian +knot, which my principles, miſtaken +ones, reſpected; he diſſolved the tie, the +fetters rather, that ate into my very +vitals—and I ſhould rejoice, conſcious +that my mind is freed, though confined +in hell itſelf; the only place that even +fancy can imagine more dreadful than +my preſent abode.</p> + +<p>Theſe varying emotions will not allow +me to proceed. I heave ſigh after +ſigh; yet my heart is ſtill oppreſſed. +For what am I reſerved? Why was I not +born a man, or why was I born at all?</p> + + +<h4>END OF VOL. I.</h4> + + + + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-i" id="BPg_2-i"></a>[<a href="images/v2-i.png">i</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h1><a name="V2" id="V2"></a>POSTHUMOUS WORKS</h1> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h3>OF</h3> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h2>MARY WOLLSTONECRAFT GODWIN.</h2> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h2>VOL. II.</h2> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-ii" id="BPg_2-ii"></a>[<a href="images/v2-ii.png">ii</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-iii" id="BPg_2-iii"></a>[<a href="images/v2-iii.png">iii</a>]</span></p> + +<hr class="full" /> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h1>POSTHUMOUS WORKS</h1> + +<h3>OF THE</h3> + +<h1>AUTHOR</h1> + +<h3>OF A</h3> + +<h2>VINDICATION OF THE RIGHTS OF WOMAN.</h2> +<p> </p> +<h2>IN FOUR VOLUMES.</h2> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<hr /> +<p> </p> +<h1>VOL. II.</h1> +<p> </p> +<hr /> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h4><i>LONDON:</i></h4> + +<h5>PRINTED FOR J. JOHNSON, NO. 72, ST. PAUL'S<br /> + CHURCH-YARD; AND G. G. AND J. ROBINSON,<br /> + PATERNOSTER-ROW.<br /> + 1798.</h5> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-iv" id="BPg_2-iv"></a>[<a href="images/v2-iv.png">iv</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-v" id="BPg_2-v"></a>[<a href="images/v2-v.png">v</a>]</span></p> +<hr class="full" /> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h3>THE</h3> + +<h1>WRONGS OF WOMAN:</h1> + +<h3>OR,</h3> + +<h1>MARIA.</h1> + +<h2>A FRAGMENT.</h2> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h2>IN TWO VOLUMES.</h2> +<p> </p> +<hr /> +<p> </p> +<h1>VOL. II.</h1> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-vi" id="BPg_2-vi"></a>[<a href="images/v2-vi.png">vi</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-1" id="BPg_2-1"></a>[<a href="images/v2-1.png">1</a>]</span></p> +<hr class="full" /> + +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h3><a name="BV2_WRONGS" id="BV2_WRONGS"></a><i>WRONGS</i></h3> +<p> </p> +<h3>OF</h3> +<p> </p> +<h2>WOMAN.</h2> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + +<hr /> +<h2><a name="BCHAP_IX" id="BCHAP_IX"></a>CHAP. IX.</h2> + +<p>"<span class="smcap">I Resume</span> my pen to fly from thought. +I was married; and we hastened to +London. I had purposed taking one of +my sisters with me; for a strong motive +for marrying, was the desire of having +a home at which I could receive them, +now their own grew so uncomfortable, +as not to deserve the cheering appellation. +An objection was made to her<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-2" id="BPg_2-2"></a>[<a href="images/v2-2.png">2</a>]</span> +accompanying me, that appeared plausible; +and I reluctantly acquiesced. I +was however willingly allowed to take +with me Molly, poor Peggy's daughter. +London and preferment, are ideas commonly +associated in the country; and, +as blooming as May, she bade adieu to +Peggy with weeping eyes. I did not +even feel hurt at the refusal in relation +to my sister, till hearing what my uncle +had done for me, I had the simplicity +to request, speaking with warmth of +their situation, that he would give them +a thousand pounds a-piece, which +seemed to me but justice. He asked +me, giving me a kiss, 'If I had lost my +senses?' I started back, as if I had +found a wasp in a rose-bush. I expostulated. +He sneered; and the demon +of discord entered our paradise, to<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-3" id="BPg_2-3"></a>[<a href="images/v2-3.png">3</a>]</span> +poison with his pestiferous breath every +opening joy.</p> + +<p>"I had sometimes observed defects +in my husband's understanding; but, led +astray by a prevailing opinion, that +goodness of disposition is of the first importance +in the relative situations of +life, in proportion as I perceived the +narrowness of his understanding, fancy +enlarged the boundary of his heart. +Fatal error! How quickly is the so +much vaunted milkiness of nature turned +into gall, by an intercourse with the +world, if more generous juices do not +sustain the vital source of virtue!</p> + +<p>"One trait in my character was extreme +credulity; but, when my eyes were +once opened, I saw but too clearly all +I had before overlooked. My husband +was sunk in my esteem; still there are +youthful emotions, which, for a while,<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-4" id="BPg_2-4"></a>[<a href="images/v2-4.png">4</a>]</span> +fill up the chasm of love and friendship. +Besides, it required some time to enable +me to see his whole character in a +just light, or rather to allow it to become +fixed. While circumstances were +ripening my faculties, and cultivating +my taste, commerce and gross relaxations +were shutting his against any +possibility of improvement, till, by +stifling every spark of virtue in himself, +he began to imagine that it no where +existed.</p> + +<p>"Do not let me lead you astray, my +child, I do not mean to assert, that +any human being is entirely incapable +of feeling the generous emotions, which +are the foundation of every true principle +of virtue; but they are frequently, +I fear, so feeble, that, like the inflammable +quality which more or less +lurks in all bodies, they often lie for<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-5" id="BPg_2-5"></a>[<a href="images/v2-5.png">5</a>]</span> +ever dormant; the circumstances never +occurring, necessary to call them into +action.</p> + +<p>"I discovered however by chance, +that, in consequence of some losses in +trade, the natural effect of his gambling +desire to start suddenly into riches, +the five thousand pounds given me by +my uncle, had been paid very opportunely. +This discovery, strange as you +may think the assertion, gave me pleasure; +my husband's embarrassments +endeared him to me. I was glad to +find an excuse for his conduct to my +sisters, and my mind became calmer.</p> + +<p>"My uncle introduced me to some +literary society; and the theatres were +a never-failing source of amusement to +me. My delighted eye followed Mrs. +Siddons, when, with dignified delicacy, +she played Calista; and I involuntarily<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-6" id="BPg_2-6"></a>[<a href="images/v2-6.png">6</a>]</span> +repeated after her, in the same tone, +and with a long-drawn sigh,</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">'Hearts like our's were pair'd—not match'd.'<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>"These were, at first, spontaneous +emotions, though, becoming acquainted +with men of wit and polished manners, +I could not sometimes help regretting +my early marriage; and that, +in my haste to escape from a temporary +dependence, and expand my newly +fledged wings, in an unknown sky, I +had been caught in a trap, and caged +for life. Still the novelty of London, +and the attentive fondness of my husband, +for he had some personal regard +for me, made several months glide +away. Yet, not forgetting the situation +of my sisters, who were still very +young, I prevailed on my uncle to set<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-7" id="BPg_2-7"></a>[<a href="images/v2-7.png">7</a>]</span>tle +a thousand pounds on each; and +to place them in a school near town, +where I could frequently visit, as well +as have them at home with me.</p> + +<p>"I now tried to improve my husband's +taste, but we had few subjects in +common; indeed he soon appeared +to have little relish for my society, unless +he was hinting to me the use he +could make of my uncle's wealth. +When we had company, I was disgusted +by an ostentatious display of +riches, and I have often quitted the +room, to avoid listening to exaggerated +tales of money obtained by lucky hits.</p> + +<p>"With all my attention and affectionate +interest, I perceived that I +could not become the friend or confident +of my husband. Every thing I +learned relative to his affairs I gathered +up by accident; and I vainly endea<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-8" id="BPg_2-8"></a>[<a href="images/v2-8.png">8</a>]</span>voured +to establish, at our fire-side, +that social converse, which often renders +people of different characters dear to +each other. Returning from the theatre, +or any amusing party, I frequently +began to relate what I had seen and +highly relished; but with sullen taciturnity +he soon silenced me. I seemed +therefore gradually to lose, in his society, +the soul, the energies of which +had just been in action. To such a degree, +in fact, did his cold, reserved +manner affect me, that, after spending +some days with him alone, I have +imagined myself the most stupid creature +in the world, till the abilities of +some casual visitor convinced me that I +had some dormant animation, and sentiments +above the dust in which I had +been groveling. The very countenance +of my husband changed; his com<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-9" id="BPg_2-9"></a>[<a href="images/v2-9.png">9</a>]</span>plexion +became sallow, and all the +charms of youth were vanishing with +its vivacity.</p> + +<p>"I give you one view of the subject; +but these experiments and alterations +took up the space of five years; during +which period, I had most reluctantly extorted +several sums from my uncle, to +save my husband, to use his own words, +from destruction. At first it was to prevent +bills being noted, to the injury of +his credit; then to bail him; and afterwards +to prevent an execution from +entering the house. I began at last to +conclude, that he would have made +more exertions of his own to extricate +himself, had he not relied on mine, +cruel as was the task he imposed on me; +and I firmly determined that I would +make use of no more pretexts.</p> + +<p>"From the moment I pronounced<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-10" id="BPg_2-10"></a>[<a href="images/v2-10.png">10</a>]</span> +this determination, indifference on his +part was changed into rudeness, or +something worse.</p> + +<p>"He now seldom dined at home, +and continually returned at a late hour, +drunk, to bed. I retired to another +apartment; I was glad, I own, to +escape from his; for personal intimacy +without affection, seemed, to me the +most degrading, as well as the most +painful state in which a woman of any +taste, not to speak of the peculiar delicacy +of fostered sensibility, could be +placed. But my husband's fondness +for women was of the grossest kind, +and imagination was so wholly out of +the question, as to render his indulgences +of this sort entirely promiscuous, +and of the most brutal nature. +My health suffered, before my heart +was entirely estranged by the loath<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-11" id="BPg_2-11"></a>[<a href="images/v2-11.png">11</a>]</span>some +information; could I then have +returned to his sullied arms, but as a +victim to the prejudices of mankind, +who have made women the property of +their husbands? I discovered even, +by his conversation, when intoxicated, +that his favourites were wantons of the +lowest class, who could by their vulgar, +indecent mirth, which he called nature, +rouse his sluggish spirits. Meretricious +ornaments and manners were +necessary to attract his attention. He +seldom looked twice at a modest woman, +and sat silent in their company; +and the charms of youth and beauty +had not the slightest effect on his senses, +unless the possessors were initiated in +vice. His intimacy with profligate women, +and his habits of thinking, gave +him a contempt for female endowments; +and he would repeat, when<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-12" id="BPg_2-12"></a>[<a href="images/v2-12.png">12</a>]</span> +wine had loosed his tongue, most of the +common-place sarcasms levelled at +them, by men who do not allow them +to have minds, because mind would be +an impediment to gross enjoyment. +Men who are inferior to their fellow +men, are always most anxious to establish +their superiority over women. +But where are these reflections leading +me?</p> + +<p>"Women who have lost their husband's +affection, are justly reproved for +neglecting their persons, and not taking +the same pains to keep, as to gain a +heart; but who thinks of giving the +same advice to men, though women +are continually stigmatized for being +attached to fops; and from the nature +of their education, are more susceptible +of disgust? Yet why a woman should +be expected to endure a sloven, with<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-13" id="BPg_2-13"></a>[<a href="images/v2-13.png">13</a>]</span> +more patience than a man, and magnanimously +to govern herself, I cannot +conceive; unless it be supposed arrogant +in her to look for respect as well as a +maintenance. It is not easy to be +pleased, because, after promising to +love, in different circumstances, we are +told that it is our duty. I cannot, I +am sure (though, when attending the +sick, I never felt disgust) forget my +own sensations, when rising with health +and spirit, and after scenting the sweet +morning, I have met my husband at +the breakfast table. The active attention +I had been giving to domestic regulations, +which were generally settled +before he rose, or a walk, gave a glow +to my countenance, that contrasted with +his squallid appearance. The squeamishness +of stomach alone, produced +by the last night's intemperance, which<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-14" id="BPg_2-14"></a>[<a href="images/v2-14.png">14</a>]</span> +he took no pains to conceal, destroyed +my appetite. I think I now see him +lolling in an arm-chair, in a dirty powdering +gown, soiled linen, ungartered +stockings, and tangled hair, yawning +and stretching himself. The newspaper +was immediately called for, if not +brought in on the tea-board, from +which he would scarcely lift his eyes +while I poured out the tea, excepting +to ask for some brandy to put into it, or +to declare that he could not eat. In +answer to any question, in his best humour, +it was a drawling 'What do +you say, child?' But if I demanded +money for the house expences, which I +put off till the last moment, his customary +reply, often prefaced with an +oath, was, 'Do you think me, madam, +made of money?'—The butcher, +the baker, must wait; and, what was<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-15" id="BPg_2-15"></a>[<a href="images/v2-15.png">15</a>]</span> +worse, I was often obliged to witness +his surly dismission of tradesmen, who +were in want of their money, and +whom I sometimes paid with the presents +my uncle gave me for my own +use.</p> + +<p><ins class="err" title="Transcriber's Note: added missing quotation mark">"</ins>At this juncture my father's mistress, +by terrifying his conscience, prevailed +on him to marry her; he was already +become a methodist; and my brother, +who now practised for himself, had discovered +a flaw in the settlement made +on my mother's children, which set it +aside, and he allowed my father, whose +distress made him submit to any thing, +a tithe of his own, or rather our fortune.</p> + +<p><ins class="err" title="Transcriber's Note: added missing quotation mark">"</ins>My sisters had left school, but were +unable to endure home, which my father's +wife rendered as disagreeable as +possible, to get rid of girls whom she<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-16" id="BPg_2-16"></a>[<a href="images/v2-16.png">16</a>]</span> +regarded as spies on her conduct. They +were accomplished, yet you can (may +you never be reduced to the same destitute +state!) scarcely conceive the trouble +I had to place them in the situation +of governesses, the only one in which +even a well-educated woman, with +more than ordinary talents, can struggle +for a subsistence; and even this is a +dependence next to menial. Is it then +surprising, that so many forlorn women, +with human passions and feelings, take +refuge in infamy? Alone in large mansions, +I say alone, because they had no +companions with whom they could converse +on equal terms, or from whom +they could expect the endearments of +affection, they grew melancholy, and +the sound of joy made them sad; and +the youngest, having a more delicate +frame, fell into a decline. It was with<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-17" id="BPg_2-17"></a>[<a href="images/v2-17.png">17</a>]</span> +great difficulty that I, who now almost +supported the house by loans from my +uncle, could prevail on the <i>master</i> of it, +to allow her a room to die in. I watched +her sick bed for some months, and then +closed her eyes, gentle spirit! for ever. +She was pretty, with very engaging +manners; yet had never an opportunity +to marry, excepting to a very old man. +She had abilities sufficient to have +shone in any profession, had there been +any professions for women, though she +shrunk at the name of milliner or mantua-maker +as degrading to a gentlewoman. +I would not term this feeling +false pride to any one but you, my +child, whom I fondly hope to see (yes; +I will indulge the hope for a moment!) +possessed of that energy of character +which gives dignity to any station; and +with that clear, firm spirit that will en<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-18" id="BPg_2-18"></a>[<a href="images/v2-18.png">18</a>]</span>able +you to choose a situation for yourself, +or submit to be classed in the lowest, +if it be the only one in which you +can be the mistress of your own actions.</p> + +<p>"Soon after the death of my sister, +an incident occurred, to prove to me that +the heart of a libertine is dead to natural +affection; and to convince me, +that the being who has appeared all +tenderness, to gratify a selfish passion, +is as regardless of the innocent fruit of +it, as of the object, when the fit is over. +I had casually observed an old, mean-looking +woman, who called on my husband +every two or three months to receive +some money. One day entering +the passage of his little counting-house, +as she was going out, I +heard her say, 'The child is very weak; +she cannot live long, she will soon die<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-19" id="BPg_2-19"></a>[<a href="images/v2-19.png">19</a>]</span> +out of your way, so you need not grudge +her a little physic.'</p> + +<p>"'So much the better,' he replied, +'and pray mind your own business, +good woman.'</p> + +<p>"I was struck by his unfeeling, inhuman +tone of voice, and drew back, +determined when the woman came +again, to try to speak to her, not out +of curiosity, I had heard enough, but +with the hope of being useful to a poor, +outcast girl.</p> + +<p>"A month or two elapsed before I +saw this woman again; and then she +had a child in her hand that tottered +along, scarcely able to sustain her own +weight. They were going away, to +return at the hour Mr. Venables was +expected; he was now from home. I +desired the woman to walk into the +parlour. She hesitated, yet obeyed.<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-20" id="BPg_2-20"></a>[<a href="images/v2-20.png">20</a>]</span> +I assured her that I should not mention +to my husband (the word seemed to +weigh on my respiration), that I had seen +her, or his child. The woman stared +at me with astonishment; and I turned +my eyes on the squalid object [that accompanied +her.] She could hardly support +herself, her complexion was sallow, +and her eyes inflamed, with an indescribable +look of cunning, mixed with +the wrinkles produced by the peevishness +of pain.</p> + +<p>"<ins class="err" title="Transcriber's Note: added missing quotation mark">'</ins>Poor child!' I exclaimed. 'Ah! +you may well say poor child,' replied +the woman. 'I brought her here to see +whether he would have the heart to +look at her, and not get some advice. +I do not know what they deserve who +nursed her. Why, her legs bent under +her like a bow when she came to me, +and she has never been well since; but,<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-21" id="BPg_2-21"></a>[<a href="images/v2-21.png">21</a>]</span> +if they were no better paid than I am, +it is not to be wondered at, sure +enough.'</p> + +<p>"On further enquiry I was informed, +that this miserable spectacle was the +daughter of a servant, a country girl, +who caught Mr. Venables' eye, and +whom he seduced. On his marriage he +sent her away, her situation being too +visible. After her delivery, she was +thrown on the town; and died in an +hospital within the year. The babe +was sent to a parish-nurse, and afterwards +to this woman, who did not +seem much better; but what was to be +expected from such a close bargain? +She was only paid three shillings a week +for board and washing.</p> + +<p>"The woman begged me to give her +some old clothes for the child, assuring +me, that she was almost afraid to ask<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-22" id="BPg_2-22"></a>[<a href="images/v2-22.png">22</a>]</span> +master for money to buy even a pair +of shoes.</p> + +<p>"I grew sick at heart. And, fearing +Mr. Venables might enter, and oblige +me to express my abhorrence, I hastily +enquired where she lived, promised to +pay her two shillings a week more, and +to call on her in a day or two; putting +a trifle into her hand as a proof of my +good intention.</p> + +<p>"If the state of this child affected me, +what were my feelings at a discovery I +made respecting Peggy——?<a name="BFNanchor_22-A_6" id="BFNanchor_22-A_6"></a><a href="#BFootnote_22-A_6" class="fnanchor">[22-A]</a></p> + +<div class="footnotes"><h3>FOOTNOTES:</h3> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="BFootnote_22-A_6" id="BFootnote_22-A_6"></a><a href="#BFNanchor_22-A_6"><span class="label">[22-A]</span></a> The manuscript is imperfect here. An episode +seems to have been intended, which was +never committed to paper. +</p> +<p class="right"><span class="smcap">editor.</span></p></div> +</div> + + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-23" id="BPg_2-23"></a>[<a href="images/v2-23.png">23</a>]</span></p> +<h2><a name="BCHAP_X" id="BCHAP_X"></a>CHAP. X.</h2> + + +<p>"<span class="smcap">My</span> father's situation was now so +distressing, that I prevailed on my uncle +to accompany me to visit him; and +to lend me his assistance, to prevent the +whole property of the family from becoming +the prey of my brother's rapacity; +for, to extricate himself out of +present difficulties, my father was totally +regardless of futurity. I took +down with me some presents for my +step-mother; it did not require an effort +for me to treat her with civility, or +to forget the past.</p> + +<p>"This was the first time I had visited +my native village, since my marriage. +But with what different emotions did +I return from the busy world, with a<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-24" id="BPg_2-24"></a>[<a href="images/v2-24.png">24</a>]</span> +heavy weight of experience benumbing +my imagination, to scenes, that whispered +recollections of joy and hope +most eloquently to my heart! The +first scent of the wild flowers from the +heath, thrilled through my veins, awakening +every sense to pleasure. The icy +hand of despair seemed to be removed +from my bosom; and—forgetting my +husband—the nurtured visions of a romantic +mind, bursting on me with all +their original wildness and gay exuberance, +were again hailed as sweet realities. +I forgot, with equal facility, +that I ever felt sorrow, or knew care +in the country; while a transient rainbow +stole athwart the cloudy sky of despondency. +The picturesque form of +several favourite trees, and the porches +of rude cottages, with their smiling +hedges, were recognized with the glad<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-25" id="BPg_2-25"></a>[<a href="images/v2-25.png">25</a>]</span>some +playfulness of childish vivacity. +I could have kissed the chickens that +pecked on the common; and longed to +pat the cows, and frolic with the dogs +that sported on it. I gazed with delight +on the windmill, and thought it +lucky that it should be in motion, at +the moment I passed by; and entering +the dear green lane, which led directly +to the village, the sound of the well-known +rookery gave that sentimental +tinge to the varying sensations of my +active soul, which only served to +heighten the lustre of the luxuriant +scenery. But, spying, as I advanced, +the spire, peeping over the withered tops +of the aged elms that composed the +rookery, my thoughts flew immediately +to the church-yard, and tears of affection, +such was the effect of my imagination, +bedewed my mother's grave!<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-26" id="BPg_2-26"></a>[<a href="images/v2-26.png">26</a>]</span> +Sorrow gave place to devotional feelings. +I wandered through the church +in fancy, as I used sometimes to do on +a Saturday evening. I recollected with +what fervour I addressed the God of +my youth: and once more with rapturous +love looked above my sorrows +to the Father of nature. I pause—feeling +forcibly all the emotions I am describing; +and (reminded, as I register +my sorrows, of the sublime calm I have +felt, when in some tremendous solitude, +my soul rested on itself, and +seemed to fill the universe) I insensibly +breathe soft, hushing every wayward +emotion, as if fearing to sully with a +sigh, a contentment so extatic.</p> + +<p>"Having settled my father's affairs, +and, by my exertions in his favour, made +my brother my sworn foe, I returned +to London. My husband's conduct<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-27" id="BPg_2-27"></a>[<a href="images/v2-27.png">27</a>]</span> +was now changed; I had during my +absence, received several affectionate, +penitential letters from him; and he +seemed on my arrival, to wish by his +behaviour to prove his sincerity. I +could not then conceive why he acted +thus; and, when the suspicion darted +into my head, that it might arise from +observing my increasing influence with +my uncle, I almost despised myself for +imagining that such a degree of debasing +selfishness could exist.</p> + +<p>"He became, unaccountable as was +the change, tender and attentive; and, +attacking my weak side, made a confession +of his follies, and lamented the +embarrassments in which I, who merited +a far different fate, might be involved. +He besought me to aid him with my +counsel, praised my understanding, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-28" id="BPg_2-28"></a>[<a href="images/v2-28.png">28</a>]</span> +appealed to the tenderness of my +heart.</p> + +<p>"This conduct only inspired me with +compassion. I wished to be his friend; +but love had spread his rosy pinions, +and fled far, far away; and had not +(like some exquisite perfumes, the fine +spirit of which is continually mingling +with the air) left a fragrance behind, +to mark where he had shook his wings. +My husband's renewed caresses then +became hateful to me; his brutality +was tolerable, compared to his distasteful +fondness. Still, compassion, and +the fear of insulting his supposed feelings, +by a want of sympathy, made +me dissemble, and do violence to my +delicacy. What a task!</p> + +<p>"Those who support a system of +what I term false refinement, and will<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-29" id="BPg_2-29"></a>[<a href="images/v2-29.png">29</a>]</span> +not allow great part of love in the female, +as well as male breast, to spring +in some respects involuntarily, may not +admit that charms are as necessary to +feed the passion, as virtues to convert +the mellowing spirit into friendship. To +such observers I have nothing to say, +any more than to the moralists, who insist +that women ought to, and can love +their husbands, because it is their duty. +To you, my child, I may add, with a +heart tremblingly alive to your future +conduct, some observations, dictated +by my present feelings, on calmly reviewing +this period of my life. When +novelists or moralists praise as a virtue, +a woman's coldness of constitution, and +want of passion; and make her yield +to the ardour of her lover out of sheer +compassion, or to promote a frigid plan +of future comfort, I am disgusted.<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-30" id="BPg_2-30"></a>[<a href="images/v2-30.png">30</a>]</span> +They may be good women, in the ordinary +acceptation of the phrase, and do +no harm; but they appear to me not to +have those 'finely fashioned nerves,' +which render the senses exquisite. They +may possess tenderness; but they want +that fire of the imagination, which produces +<i>active</i> sensibility, and <i>positive</i> virtue. +How does the woman deserve to +be characterized, who marries one man, +with a heart and imagination devoted +to another? Is she not an object of +pity or contempt, when thus sacrilegiously +violating the purity of her own +feelings? Nay, it is as indelicate, when +she is indifferent, unless she be constitutionally +insensible; then indeed it is +a mere affair of barter; and I have nothing +to do with the secrets of trade. +Yes; eagerly as I wish you to possess +true rectitude of mind, and purity of<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-31" id="BPg_2-31"></a>[<a href="images/v2-31.png">31</a>]</span> +affection, I must insist that a heartless +conduct is the contrary of virtuous. +Truth is the only basis of virtue; and +we cannot, without depraving our +minds, endeavour to please a lover or +husband, but in proportion as he +pleases us. Men, more effectually to +enslave us, may inculcate this partial +morality, and lose sight of virtue in +subdividing it into the duties of particular +stations; but let us not blush for +nature without a cause!</p> + +<p>"After these remarks, I am ashamed +to own, that I was pregnant. The +greatest sacrifice of my principles in my +whole life, was the allowing my husband +again to be familiar with my person, +though to this cruel act of self-denial, +when I wished the earth to +open and swallow me, you owe your +birth; and I the unutterable pleasure<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-32" id="BPg_2-32"></a>[<a href="images/v2-32.png">32</a>]</span> +of being a mother. There was something +of delicacy in my husband's bridal +attentions; but now his tainted breath, +pimpled face, and blood-shot eyes, +were not more repugnant to my senses, +than his gross manners, and loveless +familiarity to my taste.</p> + +<p>"A man would only be expected to +maintain; yes, barely grant a subsistence, +to a woman rendered odious by +habitual intoxication; but who would +expect him, or think it possible to love +her? And unless 'youth, and genial +years were flown,' it would be thought +equally unreasonable to insist, [under +penalty of] forfeiting almost every thing +reckoned valuable in life, that he +should not love another: whilst woman, +weak in reason, impotent in will, +is required to moralize, sentimentalize +herself to stone, and pine her life away,<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-33" id="BPg_2-33"></a>[<a href="images/v2-33.png">33</a>]</span> +labouring to reform her embruted +mate. He may even spend in dissipation, +and intemperance, the very intemperance +which renders him so hateful, +her property, and by stinting her +expences, not permit her to beguile in +society, a wearisome, joyless life; for +over their mutual fortune she has no +power, it must all pass through his +hand. And if she be a mother, and +in the present state of women, it is a +great misfortune to be prevented from +discharging the duties, and cultivating +the affections of one, what has she not +to endure?—But I have suffered the +tenderness of one to lead me into reflections +that I did not think of making, +to interrupt my narrative—yet the full +heart will overflow.</p> + +<p>"Mr. Venables' embarrassments did +not now endear him to me; still, anxi<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-34" id="BPg_2-34"></a>[<a href="images/v2-34.png">34</a>]</span>ous +to befriend him, I endeavoured to +prevail on him to retrench his expences; +but he had always some plausible +excuse to give, to justify his not +following my advice. Humanity, compassion, +and the interest produced by a +habit of living together, made me try +to relieve, and sympathize with him; +but, when I recollected that I was +bound to live with such a being for +ever—my heart died within me; my +desire of improvement became languid, +and baleful, corroding melancholy took +possession of my soul. Marriage had +bastilled me for life. I discovered in +myself a capacity for the enjoyment of +the various pleasures existence affords; +yet, fettered by the partial laws of society, +this fair globe was to me an +universal blank.</p> + +<p>"When I exhorted my husband to<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-35" id="BPg_2-35"></a>[<a href="images/v2-35.png">35</a>]</span> +economy, I referred to himself. I was +obliged to practise the most rigid, or +contract debts, which I had too much +reason to fear would never be paid. I +despised this paltry privilege of a wife, +which can only be of use to the vicious +or inconsiderate, and determined not to +increase the torrent that was bearing +him down. I was then ignorant of +the extent of his fraudulent speculations, +whom I was bound to honour +and obey.</p> + +<p>"A woman neglected by her husband, +or whose manners form a striking +contrast with his, will always have +men on the watch to soothe and flatter +her. Besides, the forlorn state of a +neglected woman, not destitute of personal +charms, is particularly interesting, +and rouses that species of pity, +which is so near akin, it easily slides<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-36" id="BPg_2-36"></a>[<a href="images/v2-36.png">36</a>]</span> +into love. A man of feeling thinks +not of seducing, he is himself seduced +by all the noblest emotions of his soul. +He figures to himself all the sacrifices a +woman of sensibility must make, and +every situation in which his imagination +places her, touches his heart, +and fires his passions. Longing to +take to his bosom the shorn lamb, and +bid the drooping buds of hope revive, +benevolence changes into passion: +and should he then discover that he is +beloved, honour binds him fast, though +foreseeing that he may afterwards be +obliged to pay severe damages to the +man, who never appeared to value his +wife's society, till he found that there +was a chance of his being indemnified +for the loss of it.</p> + +<p>"Such are the partial laws enacted +by men; for, only to lay a stress on the<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-37" id="BPg_2-37"></a>[<a href="images/v2-37.png">37</a>]</span> +dependent state of a woman in the +grand question of the comforts arising +from the possession of property, she is +[even in this article] much more injured +by the loss of the husband's affection, +than he by that of his wife; yet where +is she, condemned to the solitude of a +deserted home, to look for a compensation +from the woman, who seduces +him from her? She cannot drive an +unfaithful husband from his house, nor +separate, or tear, his children from +him, however culpable he may be; and +he, still the master of his own fate, enjoys +the smiles of a world, that would +brand her with infamy, did she, seeking +consolation, venture to retaliate.</p> + +<p>"These remarks are not dictated by +experience; but merely by the compassion +I feel for many amiable women, +the <i>out-laws</i> of the world. For my<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-38" id="BPg_2-38"></a>[<a href="images/v2-38.png">38</a>]</span>self, +never encouraging any of the advances +that were made to me, my lovers +dropped off like the untimely shoots of +spring. I did not even coquet with +them; because I found, on examining +myself, I could not coquet with a man +without loving him a little; and I perceived +that I should not be able to +stop at the line of what are termed <i>innocent +freedoms</i>, did I suffer any. My +reserve was then the consequence of +delicacy. Freedom of conduct has +emancipated many women's minds; +but my conduct has most rigidly been +governed by my principles, till the improvement +of my understanding has +enabled me to discern the fallacy of +prejudices at war with nature and +reason.</p> + +<p>"Shortly after the change I have +mentioned in my husband's conduct,<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-39" id="BPg_2-39"></a>[<a href="images/v2-39.png">39</a>]</span> +my uncle was compelled by his declining +health, to seek the succour of a +milder climate, and embark for Lisbon. +He left his will in the hands of a friend, +an eminent solicitor; he had previously +questioned me relative to my situation +and state of mind, and declared very +freely, that he could place no reliance +on the stability of my husband's professions. +He had been deceived in the +unfolding of his character; he now +thought it fixed in a train of actions +that would inevitably lead to ruin and +disgrace.</p> + +<p>"The evening before his departure, +which we spent alone together, he +folded me to his heart, uttering the endearing +appellation of 'child.'—My +more than father! why was I not permitted +to perform the last duties of +one, and smooth the pillow of death?<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-40" id="BPg_2-40"></a>[<a href="images/v2-40.png">40</a>]</span> +He seemed by his manner to be convinced +that he should never see me +more; yet requested me, most earnestly, +to come to him, should I be obliged to +leave my husband. He had before expressed +his sorrow at hearing of my +pregnancy, having determined to prevail +on me to accompany him, till I +informed him of that circumstance. He +expressed himself unfeignedly sorry that +any new tie should bind me to a man +whom he thought so incapable of estimating +my value; such was the kind +language of affection.</p> + +<p>"I must repeat his own words; they +made an indelible impression on my +mind:</p> + +<p>"'The marriage state is certainly that +in which women, generally speaking, +can be most useful; but I am far from +thinking that a woman, once married,<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-41" id="BPg_2-41"></a>[<a href="images/v2-41.png">41</a>]</span> +ought to consider the engagement as +indissoluble (especially if there be no +children to reward her for sacrificing +her feelings) in case her husband +merits neither her love, nor esteem. +Esteem will often supply the place of +love; and prevent a woman from being +wretched, though it may not +make her happy. The magnitude of +a sacrifice ought always to bear some +proportion to the utility in view; +and for a woman to live with a man, +for whom she can cherish neither affection +nor esteem, or even be of any +use to him, excepting in the light of +a house-keeper, is an abjectness of +condition, the enduring of which no +concurrence of circumstances can +ever make a duty in the sight of God +or just men. If indeed she submits to +it merely to be maintained in idleness,<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-42" id="BPg_2-42"></a>[<a href="images/v2-42.png">42</a>]</span> +she has no right to complain bitterly +of her fate; or to act, as a person of +independent character might, as if +she had a title to disregard general +rules.</p> + +<p>"<ins class="err" title="Transcriber's Note: added missing quotation mark">'</ins>But the misfortune is, that many +women only submit in appearance, +and forfeit their own respect to secure +their reputation in the world. The +situation of a woman separated from +her husband, is undoubtedly very different +from that of a man who has +left his wife. He, with lordly dignity, +has shaken of a clog; and the allowing +her food and raiment, is +thought sufficient to secure his reputation +from taint. And, should she +have been inconsiderate, he will be +celebrated for his generosity and forbearance. +Such is the respect paid to +the master-key of property! A wo<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-43" id="BPg_2-43"></a>[<a href="images/v2-43.png">43</a>]</span>man, +on the contrary, resigning what +is termed her natural protector (though +he never was so, but in name) is +despised and shunned, for asserting +the independence of mind distinctive +of a rational being, and spurning at +slavery.'</p> + +<p>"During the remainder of the evening, +my uncle's tenderness led him frequently +to revert to the subject, and +utter, with increasing warmth, sentiments +to the same purport. At length +it was necessary to say 'Farewell!'—and +we parted—gracious God! to meet no +more.</p> + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-44" id="BPg_2-44"></a>[<a href="images/v2-44.png">44</a>]</span></p> +<h2><a name="BCHAP_XI" id="BCHAP_XI"></a>CHAP. XI.</h2> + + +<p>"<span class="smcap">A gentleman</span> of large fortune +and of polished manners, had lately +visited very frequently at our house, +and treated me, if possible, with more +respect than Mr. Venables paid him; +my pregnancy was not yet visible, +his society was a great relief to me, as +I had for some time past, to avoid expence, +confined myself very much at +home. I ever disdained unnecessary, +perhaps even prudent concealments; +and my husband, with great ease, discovered +the amount of my uncle's parting +present. A copy of a writ was the +stale pretext to extort it from me; and +I had soon reason to believe that it was<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-45" id="BPg_2-45"></a>[<a href="images/v2-45.png">45</a>]</span> +fabricated for the purpose. I acknowledge +my folly in thus suffering myself +to be continually imposed on. I had +adhered to my resolution not to apply +to my uncle, on the part of my husband, +any more; yet, when I had received +a sum sufficient to supply my own +wants, and to enable me to pursue a +plan I had in view, to settle my younger +brother in a respectable employment, +I allowed myself to be duped by +Mr. Venables' shallow pretences, and +hypocritical professions.</p> + +<p>"Thus did he pillage me and my +family, thus frustrate all my plans of +usefulness. Yet this was the man I was +bound to respect and esteem: as if respect +and esteem depended on an arbitrary +will of our own! But a wife being +as much a man's property as his +horse, or his ass, she has nothing she<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-46" id="BPg_2-46"></a>[<a href="images/v2-46.png">46</a>]</span> +can call her own. He may use any +means to get at what the law considers +as his, the moment his wife is in +possession of it, even to the forcing of +a lock, as Mr. Venables did, to search +for notes in my writing-desk—and all +this is done with a show of equity, because, +forsooth, he is responsible for +her maintenance.</p> + +<p>"The tender mother cannot <i>lawfully</i> +snatch from the gripe of the +gambling spendthrift, or beastly +drunkard, unmindful of his offspring, +the fortune which falls to her by +chance; or (so flagrant is the injustice) +what she earns by her own exertions. +No; he can rob her with impunity, +even to waste publicly on a courtezan; +and the laws of her country—if women +have a country—afford her no protection +or redress from the oppressor, un<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-47" id="BPg_2-47"></a>[<a href="images/v2-47.png">47</a>]</span>less +she have the plea of bodily fear; +yet how many ways are there of goading +the soul almost to madness, equally +unmanly, though not so mean? When +such laws were framed, should not +impartial lawgivers have first decreed, +in the style of a great assembly, who recognized +the existence of an <i>être suprême</i>, +to fix the national belief, that +the husband should always be wiser and +more virtuous than his wife, in order +to entitle him, with a show of justice, +to keep this idiot, or perpetual minor, +for ever in bondage. But I must have +done—on this subject, my indignation +continually runs away with me.</p> + +<p>"The company of the gentleman I +have already mentioned, who had a +general acquaintance with literature +and subjects of taste, was grateful to +me; my countenance brightened up as<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-48" id="BPg_2-48"></a>[<a href="images/v2-48.png">48</a>]</span> +he approached, and I unaffectedly +expressed the pleasure I felt. The +amusement his conversation afforded +me, made it easy to comply with my +husband's request, to endeavour to render +our house agreeable to him.</p> + +<p>"His attentions became more +pointed; but, as I was not of the +number of women, whose virtue, as +it is termed, immediately takes alarm, +I endeavoured, rather by raillery than +serious expostulation, to give a different +turn to his conversation. He assumed a +new mode of attack, and I was, for a +while, the dupe of his pretended +friendship.</p> + +<p>"I had, merely in the style of <i>badinage</i>, +boasted of my conquest, and repeated +his lover-like compliments to +my husband. But he begged me, for +God's sake, not to affront his friend, or<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-49" id="BPg_2-49"></a>[<a href="images/v2-49.png">49</a>]</span> +I should destroy all his projects, and be +his ruin. Had I had more affection for +my husband, I should have expressed +my contempt of this time-serving politeness: +now I imagined that I only +felt pity; yet it would have puzzled a +casuist to point out in what the exact +difference consisted.</p> + +<p>"This friend began now, in confidence, +to discover to me the real state +of my husband's affairs. 'Necessity,' +said Mr. S——; why should I reveal +his name? for he affected to palliate the +conduct he could not excuse, 'had +led him to take such steps, by accommodation +bills, buying goods on credit, +to sell them for ready money, and similar +transactions, that his character in +the commercial world was gone. He +was considered,' he added, lowering +his voice, 'on 'Change as a swindler.'</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-50" id="BPg_2-50"></a>[<a href="images/v2-50.png">50</a>]</span> +"I felt at that moment the first maternal +pang. Aware of the evils my +sex have to struggle with, I still wished, +for my own consolation, to be the mother +of a daughter; and I could not +bear to think, that the <i>sins</i> of her father's +entailed disgrace, should be added +to the ills to which woman is heir.</p> + +<p>"So completely was I deceived by +these shows of friendship (nay, I believe, +according to his interpretation, Mr. S— +really was my friend) that I began +to consult him respecting the best mode +of retrieving my husband's character: +it is the good name of a woman only +that sets to rise no more. I knew +not that he had been drawn into a +whirlpool, out of which he had not +the energy to attempt to escape. He +seemed indeed destitute of the power +of employing his faculties in any regu<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-51" id="BPg_2-51"></a>[<a href="images/v2-51.png">51</a>]</span>lar +pursuit. His principles of action +were so loose, and his mind so uncultivated, +that every thing like order appeared +to him in the shape of restraint; +and, like men in the savage state, he +required the strong stimulus of hope +or fear, produced by wild speculations, +in which the interests of others went +for nothing, to keep his spirits awake. +He one time possessed patriotism, but +he knew not what it was to feel honest +indignation; and pretended to be an advocate +for liberty, when, with as little +affection for the human race as for individuals, +he thought of nothing but +his own gratification. He was just +such a citizen, as a father. The sums +he adroitly obtained by a violation of +the laws of his country, as well as +those of humanity, he would allow a +mistress to squander; though she was,<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-52" id="BPg_2-52"></a>[<a href="images/v2-52.png">52</a>]</span> +with the same <i>sang froid</i>, consigned, as +were his children, to poverty, when +another proved more attractive.</p> + +<p>"On various pretences, his friend +continued to visit me; and, observing +my want of money, he tried to induce +me to accept of pecuniary aid; but this +offer I absolutely rejected, though it +was made with such delicacy, I could +not be displeased.</p> + +<p>"One day he came, as I thought +accidentally, to dinner. My husband +was very much engaged in business, +and quitted the room soon after the +cloth was removed. We conversed as +usual, till confidential advice led again +to love. I was extremely mortified. +I had a sincere regard for him, and +hoped that he had an equal friendship +for me. I therefore began mildly to +expostulate with him. This gentle<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-53" id="BPg_2-53"></a>[<a href="images/v2-53.png">53</a>]</span>ness +he mistook for coy encouragement; +and he would not be diverted +from the subject. Perceiving his mistake, +I seriously asked him how, using +such language to me, he could profess +to be my husband's friend? A significant +sneer excited my curiosity, and he, +supposing this to be my only scruple, +took a letter deliberately out of his +pocket, saying, 'Your husband's honour +is not inflexible. How could you, +with your discernment, think it so? +Why, he left the room this very day +on purpose to give me an opportunity +to explain myself; <i>he</i> thought me too +timid—too tardy.<ins class="err" title="Transcriber's Note: added missing quotation mark">'</ins></p> + +<p>"I snatched the letter with indescribable +emotion. The purport of it +was to invite him to dinner, and to ridicule +his chivalrous respect for me. +He assured him, 'that every woman had<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-54" id="BPg_2-54"></a>[<a href="images/v2-54.png">54</a>]</span> +her price, and, with gross indecency, +hinted, that he should be glad to have +the duty of a husband taken off his +hands. These he termed <i>liberal sentiments</i>. +He advised him not to shock my +romantic notions, but to attack my +credulous generosity, and weak pity; +and concluded with requesting him to +lend him five hundred pounds for a +month or six weeks.' I read this letter +twice over; and the firm purpose it inspired, +calmed the rising tumult of my +soul. I rose deliberately, requested +Mr. S—— to wait a moment, and instantly +going into the counting-house, +desired Mr. Venables to return with me +to the dining-parlour.</p> + +<p>"He laid down his pen, and entered +with me, without observing any change +in my countenance. I shut the door, +and, giving him the letter, simply<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-55" id="BPg_2-55"></a>[<a href="images/v2-55.png">55</a>]</span> +asked, 'whether he wrote it, or was it +a forgery?'</p> + +<p>"Nothing could equal his confusion. +His friend's eye met his, and +he muttered something about a joke—But +I interrupted him—'It is sufficient—We +part for ever.'</p> + +<p>"I continued, with solemnity, 'I +have borne with your tyranny and infidelities. +I disdain to utter what I +have borne with. I thought you unprincipled, +but not so decidedly +vicious. I formed a tie, in the sight of +heaven—I have held it sacred; even +when men, more conformable to my +taste, have made me feel—I despise all +subterfuge!—that I was not dead to +love. Neglected by you, I have resolutely +stifled the enticing emotions, and +respected the plighted faith you outraged. +And you dare now to insult<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-56" id="BPg_2-56"></a>[<a href="images/v2-56.png">56</a>]</span> +me, by selling me to prostitution!—Yes—equally +lost to delicacy and principle—you +dared sacrilegiously to barter +the honour of the mother of your +child.'</p> + +<p>"Then, turning to Mr. S——, I +added, 'I call on you, Sir, to witness,' +and I lifted my hands and eyes to heaven, +'that, as solemnly as I took his +name, I now abjure it,' I pulled off my +ring, and put it on the table; 'and that +I mean immediately to quit his house, +never to enter it more. I will provide +for myself and child. I leave him as +free as I am determined to be myself—he +shall be answerable for no debts of +mine.'</p> + +<p>"Astonishment closed their lips, till +Mr. Venables, gently pushing his +friend, with a forced smile, out of the +room, nature for a moment prevailed,<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-57" id="BPg_2-57"></a>[<a href="images/v2-57.png">57</a>]</span> +and, appearing like himself, he turned +round, burning with rage, to me: +but there was no terror in the frown, +excepting when contrasted with the +malignant smile which preceded it. +He bade me 'leave the house at my +peril; told me he despised my threats; +I had no resource; I could not swear the +peace against him!—I was not afraid of +my life!—he had never struck me!'</p> + +<p>"He threw the letter in the fire, +which I had incautiously left in his +hands; and, quitting the room, locked +the door on me.</p> + +<p>"When left alone, I was a moment +or two before I could recollect myself. +One scene had succeeded another with +such rapidity, I almost doubted whether +I was reflecting on a real event. +'Was it possible? Was I, indeed, +free?'—Yes; free I termed myself,<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-58" id="BPg_2-58"></a>[<a href="images/v2-58.png">58</a>]</span> +when I decidedly perceived the conduct +I ought to adopt. How had I panted +for liberty—liberty, that I would have +purchased at any price, but that of my +own esteem! I rose, and shook myself; +opened the window, and methought +the air never smelled so sweet. The face +of heaven grew fairer as I viewed it, +and the clouds seemed to flit away obedient +to my wishes, to give my soul +room to expand. I was all soul, and +(wild as it may appear) felt as if I +could have dissolved in the soft balmy +gale that kissed my cheek, or have +glided below the horizon on the glowing, +descending beams. A seraphic satisfaction +animated, without agitating +my spirits; and my imagination collected, +in visions sublimely terrible, or +soothingly beautiful, an immense variety +of the endless images, which nature<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-59" id="BPg_2-59"></a>[<a href="images/v2-59.png">59</a>]</span> +affords, and fancy combines, of the +grand and fair. The lustre of these +bright picturesque sketches faded with +the setting sun; but I was still alive to +the calm delight they had diffused +through my heart.</p> + +<p>"There may be advocates for matrimonial +obedience, who, making a distinction +between the duty of a wife and +of a human being, may blame my conduct.—To +them I write not—my feelings +are not for them to analyze; and +may you, my child, never be able to +ascertain, by heart-rending experience, +what your mother felt before the present +emancipation of her mind!</p> + +<p>"I began to write a letter to my father, +after closing one to my uncle; +not to ask advice, but to signify my determination; +when I was interrupted +by the entrance of Mr. Venables. His<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-60" id="BPg_2-60"></a>[<a href="images/v2-60.png">60</a>]</span> +manner was changed. His views on +my uncle's fortune made him averse to +my quitting his house, or he would, I +am convinced, have been glad to have +shaken off even the slight restraint my +presence imposed on him; the restraint +of showing me some respect. So far +from having an affection for me, he +really hated me, because he was convinced +that I must despise him.</p> + +<p>"He told me, that, 'As I now had +had time to cool and reflect, he did not +doubt but that my prudence, and nice +sense of propriety, would lead me to +overlook what was passed.'</p> + +<p>"'Reflection,' I replied, 'had only +confirmed my purpose, and no power +on earth could divert me from it.'</p> + +<p>"Endeavouring to assume a soothing +voice and look, when he would willingly +have tortured me, to force me to<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-61" id="BPg_2-61"></a>[<a href="images/v2-61.png">61</a>]</span> +feel his power, his countenance had an +infernal expression, when he desired me, +'Not to expose myself to the servants, +by obliging him to confine me in my +apartment; if then I would give my +promise not to quit the house precipitately, +I should be free—and—.' I declared, +interrupting him, 'that I would +promise nothing. I had no measures +to keep with him—I was resolved, and +would not condescend to subterfuge.'</p> + +<p>"He muttered, 'that I should soon +repent of these preposterous airs;' and, +ordering tea to be carried into my little +study, which had a communication with +my bed-chamber, he once more locked +the door upon me, and left me to my +own meditations. I had passively followed +him up stairs, not wishing to fatigue +myself with unavailing exertion.</p> + +<p>"Nothing calms the mind like a<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-62" id="BPg_2-62"></a>[<a href="images/v2-62.png">62</a>]</span> +fixed purpose. I felt as if I had heaved +a thousand weight from my heart; the +atmosphere seemed lightened; and, if +I execrated the institutions of society, +which thus enable men to tyrannize +over women, it was almost a disinterested +sentiment. I disregarded present +inconveniences, when my mind had +done struggling with itself,—when reason +and inclination had shaken hands +and were at peace. I had no longer +the cruel task before me, in endless perspective, +aye, during the tedious +for ever of life, of labouring to +overcome my repugnance—of labouring +to extinguish the hopes, the maybes +of a lively imagination. Death I +had hailed as my only chance for deliverance; +but, while existence had still +so many charms, and life promised +happiness, I shrunk from the icy arms<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-63" id="BPg_2-63"></a>[<a href="images/v2-63.png">63</a>]</span> +of an unknown tyrant, though far more +inviting than those of the man, to whom I +supposed myself bound without any other +alternative; and was content to linger +a little longer, waiting for I knew not +what, rather than leave 'the warm +precincts of the cheerful day,' and all +the unenjoyed affection of my nature.</p> + +<p>"My present situation gave a new +turn to my reflection; and I wondered +(now the film seemed to be withdrawn, +that obscured the piercing sight of reason) +how I could, previously to the deciding +outrage, have considered myself +as everlastingly united to vice and folly? +'Had an evil genius cast a spell at my +birth; or a demon stalked out of chaos, +to perplex my understanding, and enchain +my will, with delusive prejudices?'</p> + +<p>"I pursued this train of thinking; it<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-64" id="BPg_2-64"></a>[<a href="images/v2-64.png">64</a>]</span> +led me out of myself, to expatiate on +the misery peculiar to my sex. 'Are +not,' I thought, 'the despots for ever +stigmatized, who, in the wantonness of +power, commanded even the most atrocious +criminals to be chained to dead +bodies? though surely those laws are +much more inhuman, which forge adamantine +fetters to bind minds together, +that never can mingle in social communion! +What indeed can equal the +wretchedness of that state, in which +there is no alternative, but to extinguish +the affections, or encounter infamy?'</p> + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-65" id="BPg_2-65"></a>[<a href="images/v2-65.png">65</a>]</span></p> +<h2><a name="BCHAP_XII" id="BCHAP_XII"></a>CHAP. XII.</h2> + + +<p>"<span class="smcap">Towards</span> midnight Mr. Venables +entered my chamber; and, with +calm audacity preparing to go to bed, +he bade me make haste, 'for that was +the best place for husbands and wives +to end their differences. He had been +drinking plentifully to aid his courage.</p> + +<p>"I did not at first deign to reply. +But perceiving that he affected to take +my silence for consent, I told him that, +'If he would not go to another bed, or +allow me, I should sit up in my study +all night.' He attempted to pull me +into the chamber, half joking. But I +resisted; and, as he had determined not +to give me any reason for saying that +he used violence, after a few more ef<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-66" id="BPg_2-66"></a>[<a href="images/v2-66.png">66</a>]</span>forts, +he retired, cursing my obstinacy, +to bed.</p> + +<p>"I sat musing some time longer; then, +throwing my cloak around me, prepared +for sleep on a sopha. And, so fortunate +seemed my deliverance, so sacred +the pleasure of being thus wrapped up +in myself, that I slept profoundly, and +woke with a mind composed to encounter +the struggles of the day. Mr. +Venables did not wake till some hours +after; and then he came to me half-dressed, +yawning and stretching, with +haggard eyes, as if he scarcely recollected +what had passed the preceding +evening. He fixed his eyes on me for +a moment, then, calling me a fool, +asked 'How long I intended to continue +this pretty farce? For his part, he +was devilish sick of it; but this was the +plague of marrying women who pretended +to know something.'</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-67" id="BPg_2-67"></a>[<a href="images/v2-67.png">67</a>]</span> +"I made no other reply to this harangue, +than to say, 'That he ought to +be glad to get rid of a woman so unfit +to be his companion—and that any +change in my conduct would be mean +dissimulation; for maturer reflection +only gave the sacred seal of reason to +my first resolution.'</p> + +<p>"He looked as if he could have +stamped with impatience, at being +obliged to stifle his rage; but, conquering +his anger (for weak people, whose +passions seem the most ungovernable, +restrain them with the greatest ease, +when they have a sufficient motive), he +exclaimed, 'Very pretty, upon my +soul! very pretty, theatrical flourishes! +Pray, fair Roxana, stoop from your altitudes, +and remember that you are +acting a part in real life.'</p> + +<p>"He uttered this speech with a self-<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-68" id="BPg_2-68"></a>[<a href="images/v2-68.png">68</a>]</span>satisfied +air, and went down stairs to +dress.</p> + +<p>"In about an hour he came to me +again; and in the same tone said, 'That +he came as my gentleman-usher to hand +me down to breakfast.</p> + +<p>"'Of the black rod?' asked I.</p> + +<p>"This question, and the tone in +which I asked it, a little disconcerted +him. To say the truth, I now felt no +resentment; my firm resolution to free +myself from my ignoble thraldom, had +absorbed the various emotions which, +during six years, had racked my soul. +The duty pointed out by my principles +seemed clear; and not one tender feeling +intruded to make me swerve: The +dislike which my husband had inspired +was strong; but it only led me to wish +to avoid, to wish to let him drop out of +my memory; there was no misery, no<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-69" id="BPg_2-69"></a>[<a href="images/v2-69.png">69</a>]</span> +torture that I would not deliberately +have chosen, rather than renew my +lease of servitude.</p> + +<p>"During the breakfast, he attempted +to reason with me on the folly of romantic +sentiments; for this was the indiscriminate +epithet he gave to every +mode of conduct or thinking superior +to his own. He asserted, 'that all the +world were governed by their own interest; +those who pretended to be actuated +by different motives, were only +deeper knaves, or fools crazed by books, +who took for gospel all the rodomantade +nonsense written by men who +knew nothing of the world. For his +part, he thanked God, he was no hypocrite; +and, if he stretched a point +sometimes, it was always with an intention +of paying every man his own.'</p> + +<p>"He then artfully insinuated, 'that<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-70" id="BPg_2-70"></a>[<a href="images/v2-70.png">70</a>]</span> +he daily expected a vessel to arrive, a +successful speculation, that would make +him easy for the present, and that he +had several other schemes actually depending, +that could not fail. He had +no doubt of becoming rich in a few +years, though he had been thrown back +by some unlucky adventures at the setting +out.'</p> + +<p>"I mildly replied, 'That I wished he +might not involve himself still deeper.'</p> + +<p>"He had no notion that I was governed +by a decision of judgment, not +to be compared with a mere spurt of +resentment. He knew not what it was +to feel indignation against vice, and +often boasted of his placable temper, +and readiness to forgive injuries. True; +for he only considered the being deceived, +as an effort of skill he had not +guarded against; and then, with a cant<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-71" id="BPg_2-71"></a>[<a href="images/v2-71.png">71</a>]</span> +of candour, would observe, 'that he +did not know how he might himself +have been tempted to act in the same +circumstances.' And, as his heart +never opened to friendship, it never was +wounded by disappointment. Every +new acquaintance he protested, it is +true, was 'the cleverest fellow in the +world;<ins class="err" title="Transcriber's Note: added missing quotation mark">'</ins> and he really thought so; till +the novelty of his conversation or manners +ceased to have any effect on his +sluggish spirits. His respect for rank or +fortune was more permanent, though +he chanced to have no design of availing +himself of the influence of either +to promote his own views.</p> + +<p>"After a prefatory conversation,—my +blood (I thought it had been cooler) +flushed over my whole countenance as +he spoke—he alluded to my situation. +He desired me to reflect—'and act like<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-72" id="BPg_2-72"></a>[<a href="images/v2-72.png">72</a>]</span> +a prudent woman, as the best proof of +my superior understanding; for he must +own I had sense, did I know how to +use it. I was not,' he laid a stress on +his words, 'without my passions; and +a husband was a convenient cloke.—He +was liberal in his way of thinking; +and why might not we, like many other +married people, who were above vulgar +prejudices, tacitly consent to let +each other follow their own inclination?—He +meant nothing more, in the +letter I made the ground of complaint; +and the pleasure which I seemed to +take in Mr. S.'s company, led him to +conclude, that he was not disagreeable +to me.'</p> + +<p>"A clerk brought in the letters of +the day, and I, as I often did, while +he was discussing subjects of business, +went to the <i>piano forte</i>, and began to<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-73" id="BPg_2-73"></a>[<a href="images/v2-73.png">73</a>]</span> +play a favourite air to restore myself, +as it were, to nature, and drive the +sophisticated sentiments I had just been +obliged to listen to, out of my soul.</p> + +<p>"They had excited sensations similar +to those I have felt, in viewing the squalid +inhabitants of some of the lanes and +back streets of the metropolis, mortified +at being compelled to consider +them as my fellow-creatures, as if an +ape had claimed kindred with me. Or, +as when surrounded by a mephitical fog, +I have wished to have a volley of cannon +fired, to clear the incumbered atmosphere, +and give me room to breathe +and move.</p> + +<p>"My spirits were all in arms, and I +played a kind of extemporary prelude. +The cadence was probably wild and +impassioned, while, lost in thought, I<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-74" id="BPg_2-74"></a>[<a href="images/v2-74.png">74</a>]</span> +made the sounds a kind of echo to my +train of thinking.</p> + +<p>"Pausing for a moment, I met Mr. +Venables' eyes. He was observing me +with an air of conceited satisfaction, as +much as to say—'My last insinuation +has done the business—she begins to +know her own interest.' Then gathering +up his letters, he said, 'That +he hoped he should hear no more romantic +stuff, well enough in a miss +just come from boarding school;' and +went, as was his custom, to the counting-house. +I still continued playing; +and, turning to a sprightly lesson, I +executed it with uncommon vivacity. +I heard footsteps approach the door, +and was soon convinced that Mr. Venables +was listening; the consciousness +only gave more animation to my +fingers. He went down into the kit<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-75" id="BPg_2-75"></a>[<a href="images/v2-75.png">75</a>]</span>chen, +and the cook, probably by his +desire, came to me, to know what I +would please to order for dinner. Mr. +Venables came into the parlour again, +with apparent carelessness. I perceived +that the cunning man was over-reaching +himself; and I gave my directions +as usual, and left the room.</p> + +<p>"While I was making some alteration +in my dress, Mr. Venables peeped +in, and, begging my pardon for interrupting +me, disappeared. I took +up some work (I could not read), and +two or three messages were sent to me, +probably for no other purpose, but to +enable Mr. Venables to ascertain what +I was about.</p> + +<p>"I listened whenever I heard the +street-door open; at last I imagined I +could distinguish Mr. Venables' step, +going out. I laid aside my work; my<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-76" id="BPg_2-76"></a>[<a href="images/v2-76.png">76</a>]</span> +heart palpitated; still I was afraid +hastily to enquire; and I waited a long +half hour, before I ventured to ask the +boy whether his master was in the +counting-house?</p> + +<p>"Being answered in the negative, +I bade him call me a coach, and collecting +a few necessaries hastily together, +with a little parcel of letters and +papers which I had collected the preceding +evening, I hurried into it, desiring +the coachman to drive to a distant +part of the town.</p> + +<p>"I almost feared that the coach +would break down before I got out of +the street; and, when I turned the +corner, I seemed to breathe a freer air. +I was ready to imagine that I was rising +above the thick atmosphere of earth; +or I felt, as wearied souls might be sup<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-77" id="BPg_2-77"></a>[<a href="images/v2-77.png">77</a>]</span>posed +to feel on entering another state +of existence.</p> + +<p>"I stopped at one or two stands of +coaches to elude pursuit, and then +drove round the skirts of the town to +seek for an obscure lodging, where I +wished to remain concealed, till I could +avail myself of my uncle's protection. +I had resolved to assume my own name +immediately, and openly to avow my +determination, without any formal vindication, +the moment I had found a +home, in which I could rest free from +the daily alarm of expecting to see +Mr. Venables enter.</p> + +<p>"I looked at several lodgings; but +finding that I could not, without a reference +to some acquaintance, who +might inform my tyrant, get admittance +into a decent apartment—men +have not all this trouble—I thought of<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-78" id="BPg_2-78"></a>[<a href="images/v2-78.png">78</a>]</span> +a woman whom I had assisted to furnish +a little haberdasher's shop, and +who I knew had a first floor to let.</p> + +<p>"I went to her, and though I could +not persuade her, that the quarrel between +me and Mr. Venables would +never be made up, still she agreed to +conceal me for the present; yet assuring +me at the same time, shaking her +head, that, when a woman was once +married, she must bear every thing. +Her pale face, on which appeared a +thousand haggard lines and delving +wrinkles, produced by what is emphatically +termed fretting, inforced +her remark; and I had afterwards an +opportunity of observing the treatment +she had to endure, which grizzled her +into patience. She toiled from morning +till night; yet her husband would rob +the till, and take away the money re<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-79" id="BPg_2-79"></a>[<a href="images/v2-79.png">79</a>]</span>served +for paying bills; and, returning +home drunk, he would beat her if she +chanced to offend him, though she had +a child at the breast.</p> + +<p>"These scenes awoke me at night; +and, in the morning, I heard her, as +usual, talk to her dear Johnny—he, +forsooth, was her master; no slave in +the West Indies had one more despotic; +but fortunately she was of the +true Russian breed of wives.</p> + +<p>"My mind, during the few past +days, seemed, as it were, disengaged +from my body; but, now the struggle +was over, I felt very forcibly the effect +which perturbation of spirits produces +on a woman in my situation.</p> + +<p>"The apprehension of a miscarriage, +obliged me to confine myself to +my apartment near a fortnight; but +I wrote to my uncle's friend for money,<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-80" id="BPg_2-80"></a>[<a href="images/v2-80.png">80</a>]</span> +promising 'to call on him, and explain +my situation, when I was well enough +to go out; mean time I earnestly intreated +him, not to mention my place of +abode to any one, lest my husband—such +the law considered him—should +disturb the mind he could not conquer. +I mentioned my intention of setting out +for Lisbon, to claim my uncle's protection, +the moment my health would +permit.'</p> + +<p>"The tranquillity however, which +I was recovering, was soon interrupted. +My landlady came up to me one +day, with eyes swollen with weeping, +unable to utter what she was commanded +to say. She declared, 'That +she was never so miserable in her life; +that she must appear an ungrateful +monster; and that she would readily +go down on her knees to me, to intreat<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-81" id="BPg_2-81"></a>[<a href="images/v2-81.png">81</a>]</span> +me to forgive her, as she had done to +her husband to spare her the cruel +task.' Sobs prevented her from proceeding, +or answering my impatient +enquiries, to know what she meant.</p> + +<p>"When she became a little more +composed, she took a newspaper out of +her pocket, declaring, 'that her heart +smote her, but what could she do?—she +must obey her husband.' I snatched +the paper from her. An advertisement +quickly met my eye, purporting, +that 'Maria Venables had, without +any assignable cause, absconded from +her husband; and any person harbouring +her, was menaced with the utmost +severity of the law.'</p> + +<p>"Perfectly acquainted with Mr. +Venables' meanness of soul, this step +did not excite my surprise, and scarcely +my contempt. Resentment in my<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-82" id="BPg_2-82"></a>[<a href="images/v2-82.png">82</a>]</span> +breast, never survived love. I bade +the poor woman, in a kind tone, wipe +her eyes, and request her husband to +come up, and speak to me himself.</p> + +<p>"My manner awed him. He respected +a lady, though not a woman; +and began to mutter out an apology.</p> + +<p>"'Mr. Venables was a rich gentleman; +he wished to oblige me, but he +had suffered enough by the law already, +to tremble at the thought; +besides, for certain, we should come +together again, and then even I should +not thank him for being accessary to +keeping us asunder.—A husband and +wife were, God knows, just as one,—and +all would come round at last.' He +uttered a drawling 'Hem!' and then +with an arch look, added—'Master +might have had his little frolics—but<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-83" id="BPg_2-83"></a>[<a href="images/v2-83.png">83</a>]</span>—Lord +bless your heart!—men would +be men while the world stands.'</p> + +<p>"To argue with this privileged first-born +of reason, I perceived, would be +vain. I therefore only requested him to +let me remain another day at his house, +while I sought for a lodging; and not +to inform Mr. Venables that I had ever +been sheltered there.</p> + +<p>"He consented, because he had not +the courage to refuse a person for whom +he had an habitual respect; but I heard +the pent-up choler burst forth in curses, +when he met his wife, who was waiting +impatiently at the foot of the stairs, +to know what effect my expostulations +would have on him.</p> + +<p>"Without wasting any time in the +fruitless indulgence of vexation, I once +more set out in search of an abode in<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-84" id="BPg_2-84"></a>[<a href="images/v2-84.png">84</a>]</span> +which I could hide myself for a few +weeks.</p> + +<p>"Agreeing to pay an exorbitant +price, I hired an apartment, without +any reference being required relative +to my character: indeed, a glance +at my shape seemed to say, that my +motive for concealment was sufficiently +obvious. Thus was I obliged to shroud +my head in infamy.</p> + +<p>"To avoid all danger of detection—I +use the appropriate word, my child, +for I was hunted out like a felon—I +determined to take possession of my +new lodgings that very evening.</p> + +<p>"I did not inform my landlady +where I was going. I knew that she +had a sincere affection for me, and +would willingly have run any risk to +show her gratitude; yet I was fully convinced, +that a few kind words from<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-85" id="BPg_2-85"></a>[<a href="images/v2-85.png">85</a>]</span> +Johnny would have found the woman +in her, and her dear benefactress, as +she termed me in an agony of tears, +would have been sacrificed, to recompense +her tyrant for condescending to +treat her like an equal. He could be +kind-hearted, as she expressed it, when +he pleased. And this thawed sternness, +contrasted with his habitual brutality, +was the more acceptable, and +could not be purchased at too dear a +rate.</p> + +<p>"The sight of the advertisement +made me desirous of taking refuge with +my uncle, let what would be the consequence; +and I repaired in a hackney +coach (afraid of meeting some person +who might chance to know me, had I +walked) to the chambers of my uncle's +friend.</p> + +<p>"He received me with great polite<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-86" id="BPg_2-86"></a>[<a href="images/v2-86.png">86</a>]</span>ness +(my uncle had already prepossessed +him in my favour), and listened, with +interest, to my explanation of the +motives which had induced me to fly +from home, and skulk in obscurity, +with all the timidity of fear that ought +only to be the companion of guilt. He +lamented, with rather more gallantry +than, in my situation, I thought delicate, +that such a woman should be +thrown away on a man insensible to the +charms of beauty or grace. He seemed +at a loss what to advise me to do, to +evade my husband's search, without +hastening to my uncle, whom, he hesitating +said, I might not find alive. He +uttered this intelligence with visible +regret; requested me, at least, to wait +for the arrival of the next packet; offered +me what money I wanted, and +promised to visit me.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-87" id="BPg_2-87"></a>[<a href="images/v2-87.png">87</a>]</span> +"He kept his word; still no letter +arrived to put an end to my painful +state of suspense. I procured some +books and music, to beguile the tedious +solitary days.</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">'Come, ever smiling Liberty,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">'And with thee bring thy jocund train:'<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>I sung—and sung till, saddened by the +strain of joy, I bitterly lamented the +fate that deprived me of all social pleasure. +Comparative liberty indeed I +had possessed myself of; but the jocund +train lagged far behind!</p> + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-88" id="BPg_2-88"></a>[<a href="images/v2-88.png">88</a>]</span></p> +<h2><a name="BCHAP_XIII" id="BCHAP_XIII"></a>CHAP. XIII.</h2> + + +<p>"<span class="smcap">By</span> watching my only visitor, my +uncle's friend, or by some other means, +Mr. Venables discovered my residence, +and came to enquire for me. The +maid-servant assured him there was no +such person in the house. A bustle +ensued—I caught the alarm—listened—distinguished +his voice, and immediately +locked the door. They suddenly +grew still; and I waited near a +quarter of an hour, before I heard him +open the parlour door, and mount the +stairs with the mistress of the house, +who obsequiously declared that she +knew nothing of me.</p> + +<p>"Finding my door locked, she requested +me to 'open it, and prepare to<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-89" id="BPg_2-89"></a>[<a href="images/v2-89.png">89</a>]</span> +go home with my husband, poor gentleman! +to whom I had already occasioned +sufficient vexation.' I made no +reply. Mr. Venables then, in an assumed +tone of softness, intreated me, +'to consider what he suffered, and my +own reputation, and get the better of +childish resentment.' He ran on in +the same strain, pretending to address +me, but evidently adapting his discourse +to the capacity of the landlady; +who, at every pause, uttered an exclamation +of pity; or 'Yes, to be sure—Very +true, sir.'</p> + +<p>"Sick of the farce, and perceiving +that I could not avoid the hated interview, +I opened the door, and he entered. +Advancing with easy assurance +to take my hand, I shrunk from his +touch, with an involuntary start, as I +should have done from a noisome reptile,<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-90" id="BPg_2-90"></a>[<a href="images/v2-90.png">90</a>]</span> +with more disgust than terror. His +conductress was retiring, to give us, as +she said, an opportunity to accommodate +matters. But I bade her come in, +or I would go out; and curiosity impelled +her to obey me.</p> + +<p>"Mr. Venables began to expostulate; +and this woman, proud of his +confidence, to second him. But I +calmly silenced her, in the midst of a +vulgar harangue, and turning to him, +asked, 'Why he vainly tormented me? +declaring that no power on earth +should force me back to his house.'</p> + +<p>"After a long altercation, the particulars +of which, it would be to no +purpose to repeat, he left the room. +Some time was spent in loud conversation +in the parlour below, and I +discovered that he had brought his +friend, an attorney, with him.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-91" id="BPg_2-91"></a>[<a href="images/v2-91.png">91</a>]</span></p> +<p class="sp">* * * * * * * * * * * *</p> +<p class="sp">* * * * * * * * * * * *</p> +<p>*       *       The tumult on the landing +place, brought out a gentleman, who +had recently taken apartments in the +house; he enquired why I was thus +assailed<a name="BFNanchor_91-A_7" id="BFNanchor_91-A_7"></a><a href="#BFootnote_91-A_7" class="fnanchor">[91-A]</a>? The voluble attorney instantly +repeated the trite tale. The +stranger turned to me, observing,<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-92" id="BPg_2-92"></a>[<a href="images/v2-92.png">92</a>]</span> +with the most soothing politeness and +manly interest, that 'my countenance +told a very different story.' He added, +'that I should not be insulted, or +forced out of the house, by any body.'</p> + +<p>"'Not by her husband?' asked the +attorney.</p> + +<p>"'No, sir, not by her husband.' Mr. +Venables advanced towards him—But +there was a decision in his attitude, +that so well seconded that of his voice,</p> +<p class="sp">* * * * * * * * * * * *</p> +<p class="sp">* * * * * * * * * * * *</p> +<p>*       *       They left the house: at +the same time protesting, that any one +that should dare to protect me, should +be prosecuted with the utmost rigour.</p> + +<p>"They were scarcely out of the +house, when my landlady came up to +me again, and begged my pardon, in +a very different tone. For, though<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-93" id="BPg_2-93"></a>[<a href="images/v2-93.png">93</a>]</span> +Mr. Venables had bid her, at her peril, +harbour me, he had not attended, I +found, to her broad hints, to discharge +the lodging. I instantly promised to +pay her, and make her a present to +compensate for my abrupt departure, +if she would procure me another lodging, +at a sufficient distance; and she, in +return, repeating Mr. Venables' plausible +tale, I raised her indignation, and +excited her sympathy, by telling her +briefly the truth.</p> + +<p>"She expressed her commiseration +with such honest warmth, that I felt +soothed; for I have none of that fastidious +sensitiveness, which a vulgar accent +or gesture can alarm to the disregard +of real kindness. I was ever glad +to perceive in others the humane feelings +I delighted to exercise; and the +recollection of some ridiculous charac<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-94" id="BPg_2-94"></a>[<a href="images/v2-94.png">94</a>]</span>teristic +circumstances, which have occurred +in a moment of emotion, has +convulsed me with laughter, though +at the instant I should have thought it +sacrilegious to have smiled. Your improvement, +my dearest girl, being ever +present to me while I write, I note +these feelings, because women, more +accustomed to observe manners than +actions, are too much alive to ridicule. +So much so, that their boasted sensibility +is often stifled by false delicacy. +True sensibility, the sensibility which +is the auxiliary of virtue, and the soul +of genius, is in society so occupied +with the feelings of others, as scarcely +to regard its own sensations. With +what reverence have I looked up at my +uncle, the dear parent of my mind! +when I have seen the sense of his own +sufferings, of mind and body, absorbed<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-95" id="BPg_2-95"></a>[<a href="images/v2-95.png">95</a>]</span> +in a desire to comfort those, whose misfortunes +were comparatively trivial. +He would have been ashamed of being +as indulgent to himself, as he was to +others. 'Genuine fortitude,' he would +assert, 'consisted in governing our own +emotions, and making allowance for +the weaknesses in our friends, that we +would not tolerate in ourselves.' But +where is my fond regret leading me!</p> + +<p>"'Women must be submissive,' said +my landlady. 'Indeed what could +most women do? Who had they to +maintain them, but their husbands? +Every woman, and especially a lady, +could not go through rough and +smooth, as she had done, to earn a little +bread.'</p> + +<p>"She was in a talking mood, and +proceeded to inform me how she had +been used in the world. 'She knew<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-96" id="BPg_2-96"></a>[<a href="images/v2-96.png">96</a>]</span> +what it was to have a bad husband, or +she did not know who should.' I perceived +that she would be very much +mortified, were I not to attend to her +tale, and I did not attempt to interrupt +her, though I wished her, as soon +as possible, to go out in search of a new +abode for me, where I could once more +hide my head.</p> + +<p>"She began by telling me, 'That +she had saved a little money in service; +and was over-persuaded (we must all +be in love once in our lives) to marry a +likely man, a footman in the family, +not worth a groat. My plan,' she continued, +'was to take a house, and let +out lodgings; and all went on well, +till my husband got acquainted with +an impudent slut, who chose to live on +other people's means—and then all +went to rack and ruin. He ran in<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-97" id="BPg_2-97"></a>[<a href="images/v2-97.png">97</a>]</span> +debt to buy her fine clothes, such +clothes as I never thought of wearing +myself, and—would you believe it?—he +signed an execution on my very +goods, bought with the money I +worked so hard to get; and they came +and took my bed from under me, before +I heard a word of the matter. +Aye, madam, these are misfortunes +that you gentlefolks know nothing of,—but +sorrow is sorrow, let it come +which way it will.</p> + +<p>"'I sought for a service again—very +hard, after having a house of my own!—but +he used to follow me, and kick up +such a riot when he was drunk, that I +could not keep a place; nay, he even +stole my clothes, and pawned them; +and when I went to the pawnbroker's, +and offered to take my oath that they +were not bought with a farthing of his<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-98" id="BPg_2-98"></a>[<a href="images/v2-98.png">98</a>]</span> +money, they said, 'It was all as one, +my husband had a right to whatever I +had.'</p> + +<p>"'At last he listed for a soldier, and +I took a house, making an agreement +to pay for the furniture by degrees; +and I almost starved myself, till I once +more got before-hand in the world.</p> + +<p>"'After an absence of six years +(God forgive me! I thought he was +dead) my husband returned; found me +out, and came with such a penitent +face, I forgave him, and clothed him +from head to foot. But he had not +been a week in the house, before some +of his creditors arrested him; and, he +selling my goods, I found myself once +more reduced to beggary; for I was +not as well able to work, go to bed +late, and rise early, as when I quitted +service; and then I thought it hard<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-99" id="BPg_2-99"></a>[<a href="images/v2-99.png">99</a>]</span> +enough. He was soon tired of me, +when there was nothing more to be +had, and left me again.</p> + +<p>"<ins class="err" title="Transcriber's Note: added missing quotation mark">'</ins>I will not tell you how I was buffeted +about, till, hearing for certain +that he had died in an hospital abroad, +I once more returned to my old occupation; +but have not yet been able to +get my head above water: so, madam, +you must not be angry if I am afraid to +run any risk, when I know so well, +that women have always the worst of +it, when law is to decide.'</p> + +<p>"After uttering a few more complaints, +I prevailed on my landlady to +go out in quest of a lodging; and, to +be more secure, I condescended to the +mean shift of changing my name.</p> + +<p>"But why should I dwell on similar +incidents!—I was hunted, like an infected +beast, from three different apartments, +and should not have been al<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-100" id="BPg_2-100"></a>[<a href="images/v2-100.png">100</a>]</span>lowed +to rest in any, had not Mr. Venables, +informed of my uncle's dangerous +state of health, been inspired with +the fear of hurrying me out of the +world as I advanced in my pregnancy, +by thus tormenting and obliging me to +take sudden journeys to avoid him; and +then his speculations on my uncle's fortune +must prove abortive.</p> + +<p>"One day, when he had pursued me +to an inn, I fainted, hurrying from him; +and, falling down, the sight of my blood +alarmed him, and obtained a respite for +me. It is strange that he should have +retained any hope, after observing my +unwavering determination; but, from +the mildness of my behaviour, when I +found all my endeavours to change his +disposition unavailing, he formed an +erroneous opinion of my character, imagining +that, were we once more together, +I should part with the money he<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-101" id="BPg_2-101"></a>[<a href="images/v2-101.png">101</a>]</span> +could not legally force from me, with +the same facility as formerly. My forbearance +and occasional sympathy he +had mistaken for weakness of character; +and, because he perceived that I +disliked resistance, he thought my indulgence +and compassion mere selfishness, +and never discovered that the fear of +being unjust, or of unnecessarily wounding +the feelings of another, was much +more painful to me, than any thing I +could have to endure myself. Perhaps +it was pride which made me imagine, +that I could bear what I dreaded to inflict; +and that it was often easier to suffer, +than to see the sufferings of others.</p> + +<p>"I forgot to mention that, during +this persecution, I received a letter +from my uncle, informing me, 'that +he only found relief from continual +change of air; and that he intended to<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-102" id="BPg_2-102"></a>[<a href="images/v2-102.png">102</a>]</span> +return when the spring was a little more +advanced (it was now the middle of +February), and then we would plan a +journey to Italy, leaving the fogs and +cares of England far behind.' He approved +of my conduct, promised to +adopt my child, and seemed to have +no doubt of obliging Mr. Venables to +hear reason. He wrote to his friend, +by the same post, desiring him to call +on Mr. Venables in his name; and, in +consequence of the remonstrances he +dictated, I was permitted to lie-in tranquilly.</p> + +<p>"The two or three weeks previous, I +had been allowed to rest in peace; but, +so accustomed was I to pursuit and +alarm, that I seldom closed my eyes +without being haunted by Mr. Venables' +image, who seemed to assume terrific or +hateful forms to torment me, wherever<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-103" id="BPg_2-103"></a>[<a href="images/v2-103.png">103</a>]</span> +I turned.—Sometimes a wild cat, a +roaring bull, or hideous assassin, whom +I vainly attempted to fly; at others he +was a demon, hurrying me to the brink +of a precipice, plunging me into dark +waves, or horrid gulfs; and I woke, +in violent fits of trembling anxiety, to +assure myself that it was all a dream, +and to endeavour to lure my waking +thoughts to wander to the delightful +Italian vales, I hoped soon to visit; or +to picture some august ruins, where I +reclined in fancy on a mouldering column, +and escaped, in the contemplation +of the heart-enlarging virtues of antiquity, +from the turmoil of cares that +had depressed all the daring purposes +of my soul. But I was not long allowed +to calm my mind by the exercise +of my imagination; for the third +day after your birth, my child, I was<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-104" id="BPg_2-104"></a>[<a href="images/v2-104.png">104</a>]</span> +surprised by a visit from my elder brother; +who came in the most abrupt +manner, to inform me of the death of +my uncle. He had left the greater +part of his fortune to my child, appointing +me its guardian; in short, +every step was taken to enable me to +be mistress of his fortune, without putting +any part of it in Mr. Venables' +power. My brother came to vent his +rage on me, for having, as he expressed +himself, 'deprived him, my uncle's +eldest nephew, of his inheritance;' +though my uncle's property, the fruit +of his own exertion, being all in the +funds, or on landed securities, there +was not a shadow of justice in the +charge.</p> + +<p>"As I sincerely loved my uncle, this +intelligence brought on a fever, which +I struggled to conquer with all the<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-105" id="BPg_2-105"></a>[<a href="images/v2-105.png">105</a>]</span> +energy of my mind; for, in my desolate +state, I had it very much at heart to +suckle you, my poor babe. You +seemed my only tie to life, a cherub, +to whom I wished to be a father, as +well as a mother; and the double duty +appeared to me to produce a proportionate +increase of affection. But the +pleasure I felt, while sustaining you, +snatched from the wreck of hope, was +cruelly damped by melancholy reflections +on my widowed state—widowed +by the death of my uncle. Of Mr. +Venables I thought not, even when I +thought of the felicity of loving your +father, and how a mother's pleasure +might be exalted, and her care softened +by a husband's tenderness.—'Ought to +be!' I exclaimed; and I endeavoured +to drive away the tenderness that suffo<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-106" id="BPg_2-106"></a>[<a href="images/v2-106.png">106</a>]</span>cated +me; but my spirits were weak, +and the unbidden tears would flow. +'Why was I,' I would ask thee, but +thou didst not heed me,—'cut off from +the participation of the sweetest pleasure +of life?' I imagined with what +extacy, after the pains of child-bed, I +should have presented my little stranger, +whom I had so long wished to view, to +a respectable father, and with what +maternal fondness I should have pressed +them both to my heart!—Now I kissed +her with less delight, though with the +most endearing compassion, poor helpless +one! when I perceived a slight resemblance +of him, to whom she owed +her existence; or, if any gesture reminded +me of him, even in his best +days, my heart heaved, and I pressed +the innocent to my bosom, as if to<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-107" id="BPg_2-107"></a>[<a href="images/v2-107.png">107</a>]</span> +purify it—yes, I blushed to think that +its purity had been sullied, by allowing +such a man to be its father.</p> + +<p>"After my recovery, I began to +think of taking a house in the country, +or of making an excursion on the continent, +to avoid Mr. Venables; and to +open my heart to new pleasures and +affection. The spring was melting into +summer, and you, my little companion, +began to smile—that smile +made hope bud out afresh, assuring me +the world was not a desert. Your +gestures were ever present to my +fancy; and I dwelt on the joy I should +feel when you would begin to walk and +lisp. Watching your wakening mind, +and shielding from every rude blast +my tender blossom, I recovered my +spirits—I dreamed not of the frost<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-108" id="BPg_2-108"></a>[<a href="images/v2-108.png">108</a>]</span>—'the +killing frost,' to which you were +destined to be exposed.—But I lose all +patience—and execrate the injustice +of the world—folly! ignorance!—I +should rather call it; but, shut up from +a free circulation of thought, and always +pondering on the same griefs, I +writhe under the torturing apprehensions, +which ought to excite only +honest indignation, or active compassion; +and would, could I view them +as the natural consequence of things. +But, born a woman—and born to suffer, +in endeavouring to repress my own +emotions, I feel more acutely the various +ills my sex are fated to bear—I +feel that the evils they are subject to +endure, degrade them so far below +their oppressors, as almost to justify +their tyranny; leading at the same<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-109" id="BPg_2-109"></a>[<a href="images/v2-109.png">109</a>]</span> +time superficial reasoners to term that +weakness the cause, which is only +the consequence of short-sighted despotism.</p> + +<div class="footnotes"><h3>FOOTNOTES:</h3> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="BFootnote_91-A_7" id="BFootnote_91-A_7"></a><a href="#BFNanchor_91-A_7"><span class="label">[91-A]</span></a> The introduction of Darnford as the deliverer +of Maria, in an early stage of the history, is already +stated (Chap. III.) to have been an after-thought +of the author. This has probably caused +the imperfectness of the manuscript in the above +passage; though, at the same time, it must be acknowledged +to be somewhat uncertain, whether +Darnford is the stranger intended in this place. +It appears from Chap. XVII. that an interference +of a more decisive nature was designed to be attributed +to him.</p> +<p class="right"><span class="smcap">editor.</span></p></div> +</div> + + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-110" id="BPg_2-110"></a>[<a href="images/v2-110.png">110</a>]</span></p> +<h2><a name="BCHAP_XIV" id="BCHAP_XIV"></a>CHAP. XIV.</h2> + + +<p>"<span class="smcap">As</span> my mind grew calmer, the +visions of Italy again returned with +their former glow of colouring; and I +resolved on quitting the kingdom for +a time, in search of the cheerfulness, +that naturally results from a change of +scene, unless we carry the barbed arrow +with us, and only see what we +feel.</p> + +<p>"During the period necessary to +prepare for a long absence, I sent a +supply to pay my father's debts, and +settled my brothers in eligible situations; +but my attention was not +wholly engrossed by my family, though +I do not think it necessary to enumerate +the common exertions of huma<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-111" id="BPg_2-111"></a>[<a href="images/v2-111.png">111</a>]</span>nity. +The manner in which my uncle's +property was settled, prevented +me from making the addition to the +fortune of my surviving sister, that I +could have wished; but I had prevailed +on him to bequeath her two +thousand pounds, and she determined +to marry a lover, to whom she had +been some time attached. Had it not +been for this engagement, I should have +invited her to accompany me in my +tour; and I might have escaped the +pit, so artfully dug in my path, when +I was the least aware of danger.</p> + +<p>"I had thought of remaining in +England, till I weaned my child; but +this state of freedom was too peaceful +to last, and I had soon reason to wish +to hasten my departure. A friend of +Mr. Venables, the same attorney who +had accompanied him in several excur<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-112" id="BPg_2-112"></a>[<a href="images/v2-112.png">112</a>]</span>sions +to hunt me from my hiding places, +waited on me to propose a reconciliation. +On my refusal, he indirectly +advised me to make over to my husband—for +husband he would term +him—the greater part of the property +I had at command, menacing me with +continual persecution unless I complied, +and that, as a last resort, he +would claim the child. I did not, +though intimidated by the last insinuation, +scruple to declare, that I would +not allow him to squander the money +left to me for far different purposes, +but offered him five hundred pounds, if +he would sign a bond not to torment +me any more. My maternal anxiety +made me thus appear to waver from +my first determination, and probably +suggested to him, or his diabolical<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-113" id="BPg_2-113"></a>[<a href="images/v2-113.png">113</a>]</span> +agent, the infernal plot, which has +succeeded but too well.</p> + +<p>"The bond was executed; still I +was impatient to leave England. Mischief +hung in the air when we breathed +the same; I wanted seas to divide +us, and waters to roll between, till he +had forgotten that I had the means of +helping him through a new scheme. +Disturbed by the late occurrences, I instantly +prepared for my departure. +My only delay was waiting for a maid-servant, +who spoke French fluently, +and had been warmly recommended to +me. A valet I was advised to hire, +when I fixed on my place of residence +for any time.</p> + +<p>"My God, with what a light heart +did I set out for Dover!—It was not my +country, but my cares, that I was leaving +behind. My heart seemed to<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-114" id="BPg_2-114"></a>[<a href="images/v2-114.png">114</a>]</span> +bound with the wheels, or rather appeared +the centre on which they twirled. +I clasped you to my bosom, exclaiming +'And you will be safe—quite +safe—when—we are once on +board the packet.—Would we were +there!' I smiled at my idle fears, as +the natural effect of continual alarm; +and I scarcely owned to myself that I +dreaded Mr. Venables's cunning, or +was conscious of the horrid delight he +would feel, at forming stratagem after +stratagem to circumvent me. I was +already in the snare—I never reached +the packet—I never saw thee more.—I +grow breathless. I have scarcely patience +to write down the details. The +maid—the plausible woman I had +hired—put, doubtless, some stupifying +potion in what I ate or drank, the +morning I left town. All I know is,<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-115" id="BPg_2-115"></a>[<a href="images/v2-115.png">115</a>]</span> +that she must have quitted the chaise, +shameless wretch! and taken (from +my breast) my babe with her. How +could a creature in a female form see +me caress thee, and steal thee from my +arms! I must stop, stop to repress a +mother's anguish; left, in bitterness of +soul, I imprecate the wrath of heaven +on this tiger, who tore my only comfort +from me.</p> + +<p>"How long I slept I know not; +certainly many hours, for I woke at the +close of day, in a strange confusion of +thought. I was probably roused to recollection +by some one thundering at a +huge, unwieldy gate. Attempting to +ask where I was, my voice died away, +and I tried to raise it in vain, as I have +done in a dream. I looked for my babe +with affright; feared that it had fallen +out of my lap, while I had so strange<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-116" id="BPg_2-116"></a>[<a href="images/v2-116.png">116</a>]</span>ly +forgotten her; and, such was the +vague intoxication, I can give it no +other name, in which I was plunged, +I could not recollect when or where I +last saw you; but I sighed, as if my +heart wanted room to clear my head.</p> + +<p>"The gates opened heavily, and +the sullen sound of many locks +<ins class="err" title="Transcriber's Note: original reads 'and and'">and</ins> bolts drawn back, grated on +my very soul, before I was appalled by +the creeking of the dismal hinges, as +they closed after me. The gloomy +pile was before me, half in ruins; some +of the aged trees of the avenue were +cut down, and left to rot where they +fell; and as we approached some +mouldering steps, a monstrous dog +darted forwards to the length of his +chain, and barked and growled infernally.</p> + +<p>"The door was opened slowly, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-117" id="BPg_2-117"></a>[<a href="images/v2-117.png">117</a>]</span> +a murderous visage peeped out, with a +lantern. 'Hush!' he uttered, in a +threatning tone, and the affrighted +animal stole back to his kennel. The +door of the chaise flew back, the +stranger put down the lantern, and +clasped his dreadful arms around me. +It was certainly the effect of the soporific +draught, for, instead of exerting +my strength, I sunk without motion, +though not without sense, on his shoulder, +my limbs refusing to obey my +will. I was carried up the steps into a +close-shut hall. A candle flaring in +the socket, scarcely dispersed the darkness, +though it displayed to me the +ferocious countenance of the wretch +who held me.</p> + +<p>"He mounted a wide staircase. +Large figures painted on the walls +seemed to start on me, and glaring<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-118" id="BPg_2-118"></a>[<a href="images/v2-118.png">118</a>]</span> +eyes to meet me at every turn. Entering +a long gallery, a dismal shriek made +me spring out of my conductor's arms, +with I know not what mysterious emotion +of terror; but I fell on the floor, +unable to sustain myself.</p> + +<p>"A strange-looking female started +out of one of the recesses, and observed +me with more curiosity than interest; +till, sternly bid retire, she flitted back +like a shadow. Other faces, strongly +marked, or distorted, peeped through +the half-opened doors, and I heard +some incoherent sounds. I had no +distinct idea where I could be—I looked +on all sides, and almost doubted whether +I was alive or dead.</p> + +<p>"Thrown on a bed, I immediately +sunk into insensibility again; and next +day, gradually recovering the use of +reason, I began, starting affrighted<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-119" id="BPg_2-119"></a>[<a href="images/v2-119.png">119</a>]</span> +from the conviction, to discover where +I was confined—I insisted on seeing the +master of the mansion—I saw him—and +perceived that I was buried alive.—</p> + +<p>"Such, my child, are the events of +thy mother's life to this dreadful moment—Should +she ever escape from +the fangs of her enemies, she will add +the secrets of her prison-house—and—"</p> + +<p>Some lines were here crossed out, +and the memoirs broke off abruptly +with the names of Jemima and Darnford.</p> + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-120" id="BPg_2-120"></a>[<a href="images/v2-120.png">120</a>]</span></p> +<h2><a name="BAPPENDIX" id="BAPPENDIX"></a>APPENDIX.</h2> +<hr class="short" /> +<h3>[ADVERTISEMENT.</h3> + + +<p><span class="smcap">The</span> performance, with a fragment +of which the reader has now been presented, +was designed to consist of three +parts. The preceding sheets were +considered as constituting one of those +parts. Those persons who in the +perusal of the chapters, already written +and in some degree finished by the au<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-121" id="BPg_2-121"></a>[<a href="images/v2-121.png">121</a>]</span>thor, +have felt their hearts awakened, +and their curiosity excited as to the +sequel of the story, will, of course, +gladly accept even of the broken paragraphs +and half-finished sentences, +which have been found committed +to paper, as materials for the +remainder. The fastidious and cold-hearted +critic may perhaps feel himself +repelled by the incoherent form in +which they are presented. But an inquisitive +temper willingly accepts the +most imperfect and mutilated information, +where better is not to be had: +and readers, who in any degree resemble +the author in her quick apprehension +of sentiment, and of the<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-122" id="BPg_2-122"></a>[<a href="images/v2-122.png">122</a>]</span> +pleasures and pains of imagination, +will, I believe, find gratification, in +contemplating sketches, which were +designed in a short time to have received +the finishing touches of her +genius; but which must now for ever +remain a mark to record the triumphs +of mortality, over schemes of usefulness, +and projects of public interest.]</p> + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-123" id="BPg_2-123"></a>[<a href="images/v2-123.png">123</a>]</span></p> +<h2><a name="BCHAP_XV" id="BCHAP_XV"></a>CHAP. XV.</h2> + + +<p><span class="smcap">Darnford</span> returned the memoirs +to Maria, with a most affectionate +letter, in which he reasoned on "the +absurdity of the laws respecting matrimony, +which, till divorces could be +more easily obtained, was," he declared, +"the most insufferable bondage. Ties of +this nature could not bind minds governed +by superior principles; and such +beings were privileged to act above the +dictates of laws they had no voice in +framing, if they had sufficient strength +of mind to endure the natural consequence. +In her case, to talk of duty, +was a farce, excepting what was due +to herself. Delicacy, as well as reason, +forbade her ever to think of returning<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-124" id="BPg_2-124"></a>[<a href="images/v2-124.png">124</a>]</span> +to her husband: was she then to restrain +her charming sensibility through +mere prejudice? These arguments +were not absolutely impartial, for he +disdained to conceal, that, when he +appealed to her reason, he felt that +he had some interest in her heart.—The +conviction was not more transporting, +than sacred—a thousand times a +day, he asked himself how he had merited +such happiness?—and as often he +determined to purify the heart she +deigned to inhabit—He intreated to be +again admitted to her presence."</p> + +<p>He was; and the tear which glistened +in his eye, when he respectfully +pressed her to his bosom, rendered him +peculiarly dear to the unfortunate mother. +Grief had stilled the transports +of love, only to render their mutual +tenderness more touching. In former<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-125" id="BPg_2-125"></a>[<a href="images/v2-125.png">125</a>]</span> +interviews, Darnford had contrived, by +a hundred little pretexts, to sit near +her, to take her hand, or to meet her +eyes—now it was all soothing affection, +and esteem seemed to have rivalled +love. He adverted to her narrative, +and spoke with warmth of the oppression +she had endured.—His eyes, glowing +with a lambent flame, told her +how much he wished to restore her to +liberty and love; but he kissed her +hand, as if it had been that of a saint; +and spoke of the loss of her child, as if it +had been his own.—What could have +been more flattering to Maria?—Every +instance of self-denial was registered in +her heart, and she loved him, for loving +her too well to give way to the +transports of passion.</p> + +<p>They met again and again; and +Darnford declared, while passion suf<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-126" id="BPg_2-126"></a>[<a href="images/v2-126.png">126</a>]</span>fused +his cheeks, that he never before +knew what it was to love.—</p> + +<p>One morning Jemima informed +Maria, that her master intended to +wait on her, and speak to her without +witnesses. He came, and brought a +letter with him, pretending that he +was ignorant of its contents, though he +insisted on having it returned to him. +It was from the attorney already mentioned, +who informed her of the death +of her child, and hinted, "that she +could not now have a legitimate heir, +and that, would she make over the +half of her fortune during life, she +should be conveyed to Dover, and permitted +to pursue her plan of travelling."</p> + +<p>Maria answered with warmth, +"That she had no terms to make with +the murderer of her babe, nor would<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-127" id="BPg_2-127"></a>[<a href="images/v2-127.png">127</a>]</span> +she purchase liberty at the price of her +own respect."</p> + +<p>She began to expostulate with her +jailor; but he sternly bade her "Be +silent—he had not gone so far, not to +go further."</p> + +<p>Darnford came in the evening. +Jemima was obliged to be absent, and +she, as usual, locked the door on them, +to prevent interruption or discovery.—The +lovers were, at first, embarrassed; +but fell insensibly into confidential discourse. +Darnford represented, "that +they might soon be parted," and wished +her "to put it out of the power of fate +to separate them."</p> + +<p>As her husband she now received him, +and he solemnly pledged himself as her +protector—and eternal friend.—</p> + +<p>There was one peculiarity in Maria's +mind: she was more anxious not +to deceive, than to guard against de<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-128" id="BPg_2-128"></a>[<a href="images/v2-128.png">128</a>]</span>ception; +and had rather trust without +sufficient reason, than be for ever the +prey of doubt. Besides, what are we, +when the mind has, from reflection, a +certain kind of elevation, which exalts +the contemplation above the little concerns +of prudence! We see what we +wish, and make a world of our own—and, +though reality may sometimes open +a door to misery, yet the moments of +happiness procured by the imagination, +may, without a paradox, be reckoned +among the solid comforts of life. Maria +now, imagining that she had found +a being of celestial mould—was happy,—nor +was she deceived.—He was then +plastic in her impassioned hand—and +reflected all the sentiments which animated +and warmed her.    —    —    —    —</p> + +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-129" id="BPg_2-129"></a>[<a href="images/v2-129.png">129</a>]</span></p> +<h2><a name="BCHAP_XVI" id="BCHAP_XVI"></a>CHAP. XVI.</h2> + + +<p><span class="smcap">One</span> morning confusion seemed to +reign in the house, and Jemima came +in terror, to inform Maria, "that her +master had left it, with a determination, +she was assured (and too many +circumstances corroborated the opinion, +to leave a doubt of its truth) of never +returning. I am prepared then," +said Jemima, "to accompany you in +your flight."</p> + +<p>Maria started up, her eyes darting +towards the door, as if afraid that some +one should fasten it on her for ever.</p> + +<p>Jemima continued, "I have perhaps +no right now to expect the performance +of your promise; but on you<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-130" id="BPg_2-130"></a>[<a href="images/v2-130.png">130</a>]</span> +it depends to reconcile me with the +human race."</p> + +<p>"But Darnford!"—exclaimed Maria, +mournfully—sitting down again, +and crossing her arms—"I have no +child to go to, and liberty has lost its +sweets."</p> + +<p>"I am much mistaken, if Darnford +is not the cause of my master's flight—his +keepers assure me, that they have +promised to confine him two days +longer, and then he will be free—you +cannot see him; but they will give a +letter to him the moment he is free.—In +that inform him where he may find +you in London; fix on some hotel. +Give me your clothes; I will send them +out of the house with mine, and we +will slip out at the garden-gate. Write +your letter while I make these arrangements, +but lose no time!"</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-131" id="BPg_2-131"></a>[<a href="images/v2-131.png">131</a>]</span> +In an agitation of spirit, not to be +calmed, Maria began to write to Darnford. +She called him by the sacred +name of "husband," and bade him "hasten +to her, to share her fortune, or she +would return to him."—An hotel in the +Adelphi was the place of rendezvous.</p> + +<p>The letter was sealed and given in +charge; and with light footsteps, yet +terrified at the sound of them, she descended, +scarcely breathing, and with +an indistinct fear that she should never +get out at the garden gate. Jemima +went first.</p> + +<p>A being, with a visage that would +have suited one possessed by a devil, +crossed the path, and seized Maria by +the arm. Maria had no fear but of being +detained—"Who are you? what +are you?" for the form was scarcely human. +"If you are made of flesh and<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-132" id="BPg_2-132"></a>[<a href="images/v2-132.png">132</a>]</span> +blood," his ghastly eyes glared on her, +"do not stop me!"</p> + +<p>"Woman," interrupted a sepulchral +voice, "what have I to do with thee?"—Still +he grasped her hand, muttering +a curse.</p> + +<p>"No, no; you have nothing to do +with me," she exclaimed, "this is a +moment of life and death!"—</p> + +<p>With supernatural force she broke +from him, and, throwing her arms +round Jemima, cried, "Save me!" The +being, from whose grasp she had loosed +herself, took up a stone as they opened +the door, and with a kind of hellish +sport threw it after them. They were +out of his reach.</p> + +<p>When Maria arrived in town, she +drove to the hotel already fixed on. But +she could not sit still—her child was ever +before her; and all that had passed dur<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-133" id="BPg_2-133"></a>[<a href="images/v2-133.png">133</a>]</span>ing +her confinement, appeared to be a +dream. She went to the house in the +suburbs, where, as she now discovered, +her babe had been sent. The moment +she entered, her heart grew sick; but +she wondered not that it had proved its +grave. She made the necessary enquiries, +and the church-yard was pointed +out, in which it rested under a turf. A +little frock which the nurse's child +wore (Maria had made it herself) +caught her eye. The nurse was glad +to sell it for half-a-guinea, and Maria +hastened away with the relic, and, re-entering +the hackney-coach which +waited for her, gazed on it, till she +reached her hotel.</p> + +<p>She then waited on the attorney +who had made her uncle's will, and explained +to him her situation. He readily +advanced her some of the money<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-134" id="BPg_2-134"></a>[<a href="images/v2-134.png">134</a>]</span> +which still remained in his hands, and +promised to take the whole of the case +into consideration. Maria only wished +to be permitted to remain in quiet—She +found that several bills, apparently +with her signature, had been presented +to her agent, nor was she for a moment +at a loss to guess by whom they had +been forged; yet, equally averse to +threaten or intreat, she requested her +friend [the solicitor] to call on Mr. Venables. +He was not to be found at +home; but at length his agent, the attorney, +offered a conditional promise to +Maria, to leave her in peace, as long as +she behaved with propriety, if she +would give up the notes. Maria inconsiderately +consented—Darnford was +arrived, and she wished to be only alive +to love; she wished to forget the anguish +she felt whenever she thought of +her child.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-135" id="BPg_2-135"></a>[<a href="images/v2-135.png">135</a>]</span> +They took a ready furnished lodging +together, for she was above disguise; +Jemima insisting on being considered +as her house-keeper, and to receive +the customary stipend. On no +other terms would she remain with her +friend.</p> + +<p>Darnford was indefatigable in tracing +the mysterious circumstances of +his confinement. The cause was simply, +that a relation, a very distant one, +to whom he was heir, had died intestate, +leaving a considerable fortune. +On the news of Darnford's arrival [in +England, a person, intrusted with the +management of the property, and who +had the writings in his possession, determining, +by one bold stroke, to strip +Darnford of the succession,] had planned +his confinement; and [as soon +as he had taken the measures he<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-136" id="BPg_2-136"></a>[<a href="images/v2-136.png">136</a>]</span> +judged most conducive to his object, +this ruffian, together with his instrument,] +the keeper of the private mad-house, +left the kingdom. Darnford, +who still pursued his enquiries, at last +discovered that they had fixed their +place of refuge at Paris.</p> + +<p>Maria and he determined therefore, +with the faithful Jemima, to visit +that metropolis, and accordingly were +preparing for the journey, when they +were informed that Mr. Venables had +commenced an action against Darnford +for seduction and adultery. The indignation +Maria felt cannot be explained; +she repented of the forbearance she had +exercised in giving up the notes. Darnford +could not put off his journey, without +risking the loss of his property: +Maria therefore furnished him with money +for his expedition; and determined<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-137" id="BPg_2-137"></a>[<a href="images/v2-137.png">137</a>]</span> +to remain in London till the termination +of this affair.</p> + +<p>She visited some ladies with whom +she had formerly been intimate, but +was refused admittance; and at the +opera, or Ranelagh, they could not recollect +her. Among these ladies there +were some, not her most intimate acquaintance, +who were generally supposed +to avail themselves of the cloke +of marriage, to conceal a mode of conduct, +that would for ever have damned +their fame, had they been innocent, seduced +girls. These particularly stood +aloof.—Had she remained with her husband, +practising insincerity, and neglecting +her child to manage an intrigue, +she would still have been visited +and respected. If, instead of +openly living with her lover, she could +have condescended to call into play a<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-138" id="BPg_2-138"></a>[<a href="images/v2-138.png">138</a>]</span> +thousand arts, which, degrading her +own mind, might have allowed the +people who were not deceived, to pretend +to be so, she would have been +caressed and treated like an honourable +woman. "And Brutus<a name="BFNanchor_138-A_8" id="BFNanchor_138-A_8"></a><a href="#BFootnote_138-A_8" class="fnanchor">[138-A]</a> is an honourable +man!" said Mark-Antony with +equal sincerity.</p> + +<p>With Darnford she did not taste uninterrupted +felicity; there was a volatility +in his manner which often distressed +her; but love gladdened the +scene; besides, he was the most tender, +sympathizing creature in the world. +A fondness for the sex often gives an +appearance of humanity to the behaviour +of men, who have small pretensions +to the reality; and they seem to<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-139" id="BPg_2-139"></a>[<a href="images/v2-139.png">139</a>]</span> +love others, when they are only pursuing +their own gratification. Darnford +appeared ever willing to avail himself +of her taste and acquirements, while +she endeavoured to profit by his decision +of character, and to eradicate some +of the romantic notions, which had +taken root in her mind, while in adversity +she had brooded over visions of +unattainable bliss.</p> + +<p>The real affections of life, when +they are allowed to burst forth, are buds +pregnant with joy and all the sweet +emotions of the soul; yet they branch +out with wild ease, unlike the artificial +forms of felicity, sketched by an imagination +painful alive. The substantial +happiness, which enlarges and civilizes +the mind, may be compared to +the pleasure experienced in roving +through nature at large, inhaling the<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-140" id="BPg_2-140"></a>[<a href="images/v2-140.png">140</a>]</span> +sweet gale natural to the clime; while +the reveries of a feverish imagination +continually sport themselves in gardens +full of aromatic shrubs, which cloy +while they delight, and weaken the +sense of pleasure they gratify. The heaven +of fancy, below or beyond the stars, +in this life, or in those ever-smiling regions +surrounded by the unmarked +ocean of futurity, have an insipid uniformity +which palls. Poets have imagined +scenes of bliss; but, fencing out +sorrow, all the extatic emotions of the +soul, and even its grandeur, seem to +be equally excluded. We dose over +the unruffled lake, and long to scale +the rocks which fence the happy valley +of contentment, though serpents hiss +in the pathless desert, and danger lurks +in the unexplored wiles. Maria found +herself more indulgent as she was hap<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-141" id="BPg_2-141"></a>[<a href="images/v2-141.png">141</a>]</span>pier, +and discovered virtues, in characters +she had before disregarded, while +chasing the phantoms of elegance and +excellence, which sported in the meteors +that exhale in the marshes of misfortune. +The heart is often shut by +romance against social pleasure; and, +fostering a sickly sensibility, grows callous +to the soft touches of humanity.</p> + +<p>To part with Darnford was indeed +cruel.—It was to feel most painfully +alone; but she rejoiced to think, that +she should spare him the care and perplexity +of the suit, and meet him again, +all his own. Marriage, as at present +constituted, she considered as leading +to immorality—yet, as the odium of +society impedes usefulness, she wished to +avow her affection to Darnford, by becoming +his wife according to established +rules; not to be confounded<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-142" id="BPg_2-142"></a>[<a href="images/v2-142.png">142</a>]</span> +with women who act from very different +motives, though her conduct would +be just the same without the ceremony +as with it, and her expectations from +him not less firm. The being summoned +to defend herself from a charge which +she was determined to plead guilty to, +was still galling, as it roused bitter reflections +on the situation of women in +society.</p> + +<div class="footnotes"><h3>FOOTNOTES:</h3> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="BFootnote_138-A_8" id="BFootnote_138-A_8"></a><a href="#BFNanchor_138-A_8"><span class="label">[138-A]</span></a> The name in the manuscript is by mistake +written Cæsar.</p> +<p class="right"><span class="smcap">editor.</span></p></div> +</div> + + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-143" id="BPg_2-143"></a>[<a href="images/v2-143.png">143</a>]</span></p> +<h2><a name="BCHAP_XVII" id="BCHAP_XVII"></a>CHAP. XVII.</h2> + + +<p><span class="smcap">Such</span> was her state of mind when +the dogs of law were let loose on +her. Maria took the task of conducting +Darnford's defence upon herself. +She instructed his counsel to plead +guilty to the charge of adultery; but +to deny that of seduction.</p> + +<p>The counsel for the plaintiff opened +the cause, by observing, "that his client +had ever been an indulgent husband, +and had borne with several defects +of temper, while he had nothing +criminal to lay to the charge of his +wife. But that she left his house without +assigning any cause. He could not +assert that she was then acquainted +with the defendant; yet, when he was<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-144" id="BPg_2-144"></a>[<a href="images/v2-144.png">144</a>]</span> +once endeavouring to bring her back +to her home, this man put the peace-officers +to flight, and took her he knew +not whither. After the birth of her child, +her conduct was so strange, and a melancholy +malady having afflicted one of +the family, which delicacy forbade the +dwelling on, it was necessary to confine +her. By some means the defendant +enabled her to make her escape, +and they had lived together, in despite +of all sense of order and decorum. The +adultery was allowed, it was not necessary +to bring any witnesses to prove it; +but the seduction, though highly probable +from the circumstances which +he had the honour to state, could not +be so clearly proved.—It was of the +most atrocious kind, as decency was set +at defiance, and respect for reputa<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-145" id="BPg_2-145"></a>[<a href="images/v2-145.png">145</a>]</span>tion, +which shows internal compunction, +utterly disregarded."</p> + +<p>A strong sense of injustice had silenced +every emotion, which a mixture +of true and false delicacy might otherwise +have excited in Maria's bosom. +She only felt in earnest to insist on the +privilege of her nature. The sarcasms +of society, and the condemnation of a +mistaken world, were nothing to her, +compared with acting contrary to those +feelings which were the foundation of +her principles. [She therefore eagerly +put herself forward, instead of desiring +to be absent, on this memorable occasion.]</p> + +<p>Convinced that the subterfuges of +the law were disgraceful, she wrote a +paper, which she expressly desired might +be read in court:</p> + +<p>"Married when scarcely able to dis<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-146" id="BPg_2-146"></a>[<a href="images/v2-146.png">146</a>]</span>tinguish +the nature of the engagement, +I yet submitted to the rigid +laws which enslave women, and obeyed +the man whom I could no longer love. +Whether the duties of the state are +reciprocal, I mean not to discuss; but +I can prove repeated infidelities which +I overlooked or pardoned. Witnesses +are not wanting to establish these facts. +I at present maintain the child of a +maid servant, sworn to him, and born +after our marriage. I am ready to allow, +that education and circumstances +lead men to think and act with less delicacy, +than the preservation of order +in society demands from women; but +surely I may without assumption declare, +that, though I could excuse the +birth, I could not the desertion of this +unfortunate babe:—and, while I despised +the man, it was not easy to ve<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-147" id="BPg_2-147"></a>[<a href="images/v2-147.png">147</a>]</span>nerate +the husband. With proper restrictions +however, I revere the institution +which fraternizes the world. I exclaim +against the laws which throw the +whole weight of the yoke on the weaker +shoulders, and force women, when they +claim protectorship as mothers, to sign +a contract, which renders them dependent +on the caprice of the tyrant, whom +choice or necessity has appointed to +reign over them. Various are the cases, +in which a woman ought to separate +herself from her husband; and mine, +I may be allowed emphatically to insist, +comes under the description of the +most aggravated.</p> + +<p>"I will not enlarge on those provocations +which only the individual can +estimate; but will bring forward such +charges only, the truth of which is an +insult upon humanity. In order to<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-148" id="BPg_2-148"></a>[<a href="images/v2-148.png">148</a>]</span> +promote certain destructive speculations, +Mr. Venables prevailed on me +to borrow certain sums of a wealthy relation; +and, when I refused further +compliance, he thought of bartering +my person; and not only allowed opportunities +to, but urged, a friend +from whom he borrowed money, to +seduce me. On the discovery of this +act of atrocity, I determined to leave +him, and in the most decided manner, +for ever. I consider all obligation as +made void by his conduct; and hold, +that schisms which proceed from want +of principles, can never be healed.</p> + +<p>"He received a fortune with me to +the amount of five thousand pounds. On +the death of my uncle, convinced that +I could provide for my child, I destroyed +the settlement of that fortune. +I required none of my property to be<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-149" id="BPg_2-149"></a>[<a href="images/v2-149.png">149</a>]</span> +returned to me, nor shall enumerate the +sums extorted from me during six years +that we lived together.</p> + +<p>"After leaving, what the law considers +as my home, I was hunted like a criminal +from place to place, though I +contracted no debts, and demanded no +maintenance—yet, as the laws sanction +such proceeding, and make women the +property of their husbands, I forbear +to animadvert. After the birth of my +daughter, and the death of my uncle, +who left a very considerable property +to myself and child, I was exposed to +new persecution; and, because I had, +before arriving at what is termed years +of discretion, pledged my faith, I was +treated by the world, as bound for ever +to a man whose vices were notorious. +Yet what are the vices generally +known, to the various miseries that a<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-150" id="BPg_2-150"></a>[<a href="images/v2-150.png">150</a>]</span> +woman may be subject to, which, +though deeply felt, eating into the +soul, elude description, and may be +glossed over! A false morality is even +established, which makes all the virtue +of women consist in chastity, submission, +and the forgiveness of injuries.</p> + +<p>"I pardon my oppressor—bitterly as I +lament the loss of my child, torn from +me in the most violent manner. But +nature revolts, and my soul sickens at +the bare supposition, that it could ever +be a duty to pretend affection, when a +separation is necessary to prevent my +feeling hourly aversion.</p> + +<p>"To force me to give my fortune, I +was imprisoned—yes; in a private mad-house.—There, +in the heart of misery, +I met the man charged with seducing +me. We became attached—I deemed, +and ever shall deem, myself free. The<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-151" id="BPg_2-151"></a>[<a href="images/v2-151.png">151</a>]</span> +death of my babe dissolved the only tie +which subsisted between me and my, +what is termed, lawful husband.</p> + +<p>"To this person, thus encountered, +I voluntarily gave myself, never considering +myself as any more bound to +transgress the laws of moral purity, +because the will of my husband +might be pleaded in my excuse, than +to transgress those laws to which +[the policy of artificial society has] +annexed [positive] punishments.——While +no command of a husband can +prevent a woman from suffering for +certain crimes, she must be allowed +to consult her conscience, and regulate +her conduct, in some degree, by her +own sense of right. The respect I owe +to myself, demanded my strict adherence +to my determination of never +viewing Mr. Venables in the light of a +husband, nor could it forbid me from<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-152" id="BPg_2-152"></a>[<a href="images/v2-152.png">152</a>]</span> +encouraging another. If I am unfortunately +united to an unprincipled man, +am I for ever to be shut out from fulfilling +the duties of a wife and mother?—I +wish my country to approve of my +conduct; but, if laws exist, made by +the strong to oppress the weak, I appeal +to my own sense of justice, and +declare that I will not live with the +individual, who has violated every moral +obligation which binds man to man.</p> + +<p>"I protest equally against any charge +being brought to criminate the man, +whom I consider as my husband. I +was six-and-twenty when I left Mr. +Venables' roof; if ever I am to be supposed +to arrive at an age to direct my +own actions, I must by that time have +arrived at it.—I acted with deliberation.—Mr. +Darnford found me a forlorn +and oppressed woman, and promised<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-153" id="BPg_2-153"></a>[<a href="images/v2-153.png">153</a>]</span> +the protection women in the present +state of society want.—But the man +who now claims me—was he deprived +of my society by this conduct? The +question is an insult to common sense, +considering where Mr. Darnford met +me.—Mr. Venables' door was indeed +open to me—nay, threats and intreaties +were used to induce me to return; but +why? Was affection or honour the +motive?—I cannot, it is true, dive into +the recesses of the human heart—yet +I presume to assert, [borne out as +I am by a variety of circumstances,] +that he was merely influenced by the +most rapacious avarice.</p> + +<p>"I claim then a divorce, and the +liberty of enjoying, free from molestation, +the fortune left to me by a relation, +who was well aware of the character +of the man with whom I had to<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-154" id="BPg_2-154"></a>[<a href="images/v2-154.png">154</a>]</span> +contend.—I appeal to the justice and +humanity of the jury—a body of men, +whose private judgment must be allowed +to modify laws, that must be +unjust, because definite rules can never +apply to indefinite circumstances—and +I deprecate punishment upon the man +of my choice, freeing him, as I solemnly +do, from the charge of seduction.]</p> + +<p>"I did not put myself into a situation +to justify a charge of adultery, till +I had, from conviction, shaken off the +fetters which bound me to Mr. Venables.—While +I lived with him, I defy +the voice of calumny to sully what is +termed the fair fame of woman.—Neglected +by my husband, I never encouraged +a lover; and preserved with +scrupulous care, what is termed my +honour, at the expence of my peace, +till he, who should have been its guar<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-155" id="BPg_2-155"></a>[<a href="images/v2-155.png">155</a>]</span>dian, +laid traps to ensnare me. From +that moment I believed myself, in the +sight of heaven, free—and no power +on earth shall force me to renounce my +resolution."</p> + +<p>The judge, in summing up the evidence, +alluded to "the fallacy of letting +women plead their feelings, as an excuse +for the violation of the marriage-vow. +For his part, he had always +determined to oppose all innovation, +and the new-fangled notions which incroached +on the good old rules of conduct. +We did not want French principles +in public or private life—and, if +women were allowed to plead their +feelings, as an excuse or palliation of +infidelity, it was opening a flood-gate +for immorality. What virtuous woman +thought of her feelings?—It was +her duty to love and obey the man<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-156" id="BPg_2-156"></a>[<a href="images/v2-156.png">156</a>]</span> +chosen by her parents and relations, +who were qualified by their experience +to judge better for her, than she could +for herself. As to the charges brought +against the husband, they were vague, +supported by no witnesses, excepting +that of imprisonment in a private mad-house. +The proofs of an insanity in the +family, might render that however a +prudent measure; and indeed the conduct +of the lady did not appear that of +a person of sane mind. Still such a +mode of proceeding could not be justified, +and might perhaps entitle the +lady [in another court] to a sentence of +separation from bed and board, during +the joint lives of the parties; but he +hoped that no Englishman would legalize +adultery, by enabling the adulteress +to enrich her seducer. Too many restrictions +could not be thrown in the<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-157" id="BPg_2-157"></a>[<a href="images/v2-157.png">157</a>]</span> +way of divorces, if we wished to maintain +the sanctity of marriage; and, +though they might bear a little hard on +a few, very few individuals, it was +evidently for the good of the whole."</p> + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-158" id="BPg_2-158"></a>[<a href="images/v2-158.png">158</a>]</span></p> +<h2><a name="BCONCLUSION" id="BCONCLUSION"></a>CONCLUSION,</h2> + +<h3>BY THE EDITOR.</h3> + +<p><span class="smcap">Very</span> few hints exist respecting the +plan of the remainder of the work. I +find only two detached sentences, and +some scattered heads for the continuation +of the story. I transcribe the +whole.</p> + +<p class="center">I.</p> + +<p>"Darnford's letters were affectionate; +but circumstances occasioned delays,<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-159" id="BPg_2-159"></a>[<a href="images/v2-159.png">159</a>]</span> +and the miscarriage of some letters +rendered the reception of wished-for +answers doubtful: his return was necessary +to calm Maria's mind."</p> + +<p class="center">II.</p> + +<p>"As Darnford had informed her that +his business was settled, his delaying to +return seemed extraordinary; but love +to excess, excludes fear or suspicion."</p> + +<hr /> + +<p>The scattered heads for the continuation +of the story, are as follow<a name="BFNanchor_159-A_9" id="BFNanchor_159-A_9"></a><a href="#BFootnote_159-A_9" class="fnanchor">[159-A]</a>.</p> + +<p class="center">I.</p> + +<p>"Trial for adultery—Maria defends +herself—A separation from bed and<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-160" id="BPg_2-160"></a>[<a href="images/v2-160.png">160</a>]</span> +board is the consequence—Her fortune +is thrown into chancery—Darnford obtains +a part of his property—Maria +goes into the country."</p> + + +<p class="center">II.</p> + +<p>"A prosecution for adultery commenced—Trial—Darnford +sets out for +France—Letters—Once more pregnant—He +returns—Mysterious behaviour—Visit—Expectation—Discovery—Interview—Consequence."</p> + + +<p class="center">III.</p> + +<p>"Sued by her husband—Damages +awarded to him—Separation from bed +and board—Darnford goes abroad—Maria +into the country—Provides for +her father—Is shunned—Returns to +London—Expects to see her lover<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-161" id="BPg_2-161"></a>[<a href="images/v2-161.png">161</a>]</span>—The +rack of expectation—Finds herself +again with child—Delighted—A discovery—A +visit—A miscarriage—Conclusion."</p> + + +<p class="center">IV.</p> + +<p>"Divorced by her husband—Her +lover unfaithful—Pregnancy—Miscarriage—Suicide."</p> + +<hr /> + +<p>[The following passage appears in +some respects to deviate from the preceding +hints. It is superscribed]</p> + + +<h5>"THE END.</h5> + + +<p>"She swallowed the laudanum; her +soul was calm—the tempest had sub<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-162" id="BPg_2-162"></a>[<a href="images/v2-162.png">162</a>]</span>sided—and +nothing remained but an +eager longing to forget herself—to +fly from the anguish she endured +to escape from thought—from this +hell of disappointment.</p> + +<p>"Still her eyes closed not—one remembrance +with frightful velocity followed +another—All the incidents of +her life were in arms, embodied to +assail her, and prevent her sinking +into the sleep of death.—Her murdered +child again appeared to her, +mourning for the babe of which she +was the tomb.—'And could it have +a nobler?—Surely it is better to die +with me, than to enter on life without +a mother's care!—I cannot live!—but +could I have deserted my child the +moment it was born?—thrown it on +the troubled wave of life, without +a hand to support it?'—She looked<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-163" id="BPg_2-163"></a>[<a href="images/v2-163.png">163</a>]</span> +up: 'What have I not suffered!—may +I find a father where I am going!'—Her +head turned; a stupor ensued; +a faintness—'Have a little patience,' +said Maria, holding her swimming +head (she thought of her mother), +'this cannot last long; and what is a +little bodily pain to the pangs I have +endured?'</p> + +<p>"A new vision swam before her. +Jemima seemed to enter—leading a little +creature, that, with tottering footsteps, +approached the bed. The voice +of Jemima sounding as at a distance, +called her—she tried to listen, to speak, +to look!</p> + +<p>"'Behold your child!' exclaimed +Jemima. Maria started off the bed, +and fainted.—Violent vomiting followed.</p> + +<p>"When she was restored to life, Je<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-164" id="BPg_2-164"></a>[<a href="images/v2-164.png">164</a>]</span>mima +addressed her with great solemnity: +'——— led me to suspect, +that your husband and brother had +deceived you, and secreted the child. +I would not torment you with doubtful +hopes, and I left you (at a fatal +moment) to search for the child!—I +snatched her from misery—and (now +she is alive again) would you leave +her alone in the world, to endure what +I have endured?'</p> + +<p>"Maria gazed wildly at her, her +whole frame was convulsed with emotion; +when the child, whom Jemima +had been tutoring all the journey, uttered +the word 'Mamma!' She +caught her to her bosom, and burst +into a passion of tears—then, resting +the child gently on the bed, as if +afraid of killing it,—she put her hand +to her eyes, to conceal as it were the<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-165" id="BPg_2-165"></a>[<a href="images/v2-165.png">165</a>]</span> +agonizing struggle of her soul. She +remained silent for five minutes, crossing +her arms over her bosom, and reclining +her head,—then exclaimed: +'The conflict is over!—I will live for +my child!'"</p> + +<hr /> + +<p>A few readers perhaps, in looking +over these hints, will wonder how it +could have been practicable, without +tediousness, or remitting in any degree +the interest of the story, to have filled, +from these slight sketches, a number of +pages, more considerable than those +which have been already presented. +But, in reality, these hints, simple as +they are, are pregnant with passion and +distress. It is the refuge of barren au<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-166" id="BPg_2-166"></a>[<a href="images/v2-166.png">166</a>]</span>thors +only, to crowd their fictions with +so great a number of events, as to suffer +no one of them to sink into the reader's +mind. It is the province of true genius +to develop events, to discover their +capabilities, to ascertain the different +passions and sentiments with which they +are fraught, and to diversify them with +incidents, that give reality to the picture, +and take a hold upon the mind of a +reader of taste, from which they can +never be loosened. It was particularly +the design of the author, in the present +instance, to make her story subordinate +to a great moral purpose, that "of exhibiting +the misery and oppression, peculiar +to women, that arise out of the +partial laws and customs of society.—This +view restrained her fancy<a name="BFNanchor_166-A_10" id="BFNanchor_166-A_10"></a><a href="#BFootnote_166-A_10" class="fnanchor">[166-A]</a>." It<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-167" id="BPg_2-167"></a>[<a href="images/v2-167.png">167</a>]</span> +was necessary for her, to place in a striking +point of view, evils that are too +frequently overlooked, and to drag into +light those details of oppression, of +which the grosser and more insensible +part of mankind make little account.</p> + + +<h4>THE END.</h4> + +<hr class="full" /> +<div class="footnotes"><h3>FOOTNOTES:</h3> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="BFootnote_159-A_9" id="BFootnote_159-A_9"></a><a href="#BFNanchor_159-A_9"><span class="label">[159-A]</span></a> To understand these minutes, it is necessary +the reader should consider each of them as setting +out from the same point in the story, <i>viz.</i> the point +to which it is brought down in the preceding +chapter.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="BFootnote_166-A_10" id="BFootnote_166-A_10"></a><a href="#BFNanchor_166-A_10"><span class="label">[166-A]</span></a> See author's preface.</p></div> +</div> +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-168" id="BPg_2-168"></a>[<a href="images/v2-168.png">168</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-169" id="BPg_2-169"></a>[<a href="images/v2-169.png">169</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h1><a name="BLESSONS" id="BLESSONS"></a>LESSONS.</h1> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-170" id="BPg_2-170"></a>[<a href="images/v2-170.png">170</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-171" id="BPg_2-171"></a>[<a href="images/v2-171.png">171</a>]</span></p> + +<h2>ADVERTISEMENT,</h2> + +<h3>BY THE EDITOR.</h3> + +<hr /> + +<p><span class="smcap">The</span> following pages will, I believe, +be judged by every reader of taste to +have been worth preserving, among +the other testimonies the author left +behind her, of her genius and the +soundness of her understanding. To<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-172" id="BPg_2-172"></a>[<a href="images/v2-172.png">172</a>]</span> +such readers I leave the task of comparing +these lessons, with other works +of the same nature previously published. +It is obvious that the author has struck +out a path of her own, and by no means +intrenched upon the plans of her predecessors.</p> + +<p>It may however excite surprise in +some persons to find these papers annexed +to the conclusion of a novel. All +I have to offer on this subject, consists +in the following considerations:</p> + +<p>First, something is to be allowed for +the difficulty of arranging the miscellaneous +papers upon very different sub<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-173" id="BPg_2-173"></a>[<a href="images/v2-173.png">173</a>]</span>jects, +which will frequently constitute +an author's posthumous works.</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p>Secondly, the small portion they occupy +in the present volume, will perhaps +be accepted as an apology, by +such good-natured readers (if any such +there are), to whom the perusal of +them shall be a matter of perfect indifference.</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p>Thirdly, the circumstance which +determined me in annexing them to +the present work, was the slight association +(in default of a strong one) +between the affectionate and pathetic +manner in which Maria Venables ad<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-174" id="BPg_2-174"></a>[<a href="images/v2-174.png">174</a>]</span>dresses +her infant, in the Wrongs of +Woman; and the agonising and painful +sentiment with which the author +originally bequeathed these papers, as +a legacy for the benefit of her child.</p> + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-175" id="BPg_2-175"></a>[<a href="images/v2-175.png">175</a>]</span></p> +<h2>LESSONS.</h2> + +<p><i>The first book of a series which I intended to +have written for my unfortunate girl<a name="BFNanchor_175-A_11" id="BFNanchor_175-A_11"></a><a href="#BFootnote_175-A_11" class="fnanchor">[175-A]</a>.</i></p> + + +<p class="center">LESSON I.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Cat.</span> Dog. Cow. Horse. Sheep. +Pig. Bird. Fly.</p> + +<p>Man. Boy. Girl. Child.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-176" id="BPg_2-176"></a>[<a href="images/v2-176.png">176</a>]</span> +Head. Hair. Face. Nose. Mouth. +Chin. Neck. Arms. Hand. Leg. +Foot. Back. Breast.</p> + +<p>House. Wall. Field. Street. Stone. +Grass.</p> + +<p>Bed. Chair. Door. Pot. Spoon. +Knife. Fork. Plate. Cup. Box. +Boy. Bell.</p> + +<p>Tree. Leaf. Stick. Whip. Cart. +Coach.</p> + +<p>Frock. Hat. Coat. Shoes. Shift. +Cap.</p> + +<p>Bread. Milk. Tea. Meat. Drink. +Cake.</p> + + +<p class="center">LESSON II.</p> + +<p>Come. Walk. Run. Go. Jump. +Dance. Ride. Sit. Stand. Play.<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-177" id="BPg_2-177"></a>[<a href="images/v2-177.png">177</a>]</span> +Hold. Shake. Speak. Sing. Cry. +Laugh. Call. Fall.</p> + +<p>Day. Night. Sun. Moon. Light. +Dark. Sleep. Wake.</p> + +<p>Wash. Dress. Kiss. Comb.</p> + +<p>Fire. Hot. Burn. Wind. Rain. +Cold.</p> + +<p>Hurt. Tear. Break. Spill.</p> + +<p>Book. See. Look.</p> + +<p>Sweet. Good. Clean.</p> + +<p>Gone. Lost. Hide. Keep. Give. +Take.</p> + +<p>One. Two. Three. Four. Five. +Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten.</p> + +<p>White. Black. Red. Blue. Green. +Brown.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-178" id="BPg_2-178"></a>[<a href="images/v2-178.png">178</a>]</span></p> +<p class="center">LESSON III.</p> + +<p>STROKE the cat. Play with the +Dog. Eat the bread. Drink the milk. +Hold the cup. Lay down the knife.</p> + +<p>Look at the fly. See the horse. +Shut the door. Bring the chair. Ring +the bell. Get your book.</p> + +<p>Hide your face. Wipe your nose. +Wash your hands. Dirty hands. Why +do you cry? A clean mouth. Shake +hands. I love you. Kiss me now. +Good girl.</p> + +<p>The bird sings. The fire burns. +The cat jumps. The dog runs. The +bird flies. The cow lies down. The man +laughs. The child cries.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-179" id="BPg_2-179"></a>[<a href="images/v2-179.png">179</a>]</span></p> +<p class="center">LESSON IV.</p> + +<p>LET me comb your head. Ask Betty +to wash your face. Go and see for +some bread. Drink milk, if you are +dry. Play on the floor with the ball. +Do not touch the ink; you will black +your hands.</p> + +<p>What do you want to say to me? +Speak slow, not so fast. Did you fall? +You will not cry, not you; the baby +cries. Will you walk in the fields?</p> + + +<p class="center">LESSON V.</p> + +<p>COME to me, my little girl. Are +you tired of playing? Yes. Sit down +and rest yourself, while I talk to you.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-180" id="BPg_2-180"></a>[<a href="images/v2-180.png">180</a>]</span> +Have you seen the baby? Poor little +thing. O here it comes. Look +at him. How helpless he is. Four +years ago you were as feeble as this +very little boy.</p> + +<p>See, he cannot hold up his head. +He is forced to lie on his back, if his +mamma do not turn him to the right or +left side, he will soon begin to cry. +He cries to tell her, that he is tired +with lying on his back.</p> + + +<p class="center">LESSON VI.</p> + +<p>PERHAPS he is hungry. What +shall we give him to eat? Poor fellow, +he cannot eat. Look in his mouth, he +has no teeth.</p> + +<p>How did you do when you were a baby +like him? You cannot tell. Do you +want to know? Look then at the dog,<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-181" id="BPg_2-181"></a>[<a href="images/v2-181.png">181</a>]</span> +with her pretty puppy. You could +not help yourself as well as the puppy. +You could only open your mouth, +when you were lying, like William, on +my knee. So I put you to my breast, +and you sucked, as the puppy sucks +now, for there was milk enough for +you.</p> + + +<p class="center">LESSON VII.</p> + +<p>WHEN you were hungry, you began +to cry, because you could not speak. +You were seven months without teeth, +always sucking. But after you got +one, you began to gnaw a crust of +bread. It was not long before another +came pop. At ten months you had +four pretty white teeth, and you used +to bite me. Poor mamma! Still I did +not cry, because I am not a child, but<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-182" id="BPg_2-182"></a>[<a href="images/v2-182.png">182</a>]</span> +you hurt me very much. So I said to +papa, it is time the little girl should +eat. She is not naughty, yet she hurts +me. I have given her a crust of bread, +and I must look for some other milk.</p> + +<p>The cow has got plenty, and her +jumping calf eats grass very well. He +has got more teeth than my little girl. +Yes, says papa, and he tapped you on +the cheek, you are old enough to learn +to eat? Come to me, and I will teach +you, my little dear, for you must not +hurt poor mamma, who has given you +her milk, when you could not take any +thing else.</p> + + +<p class="center">LESSON VIII.</p> + +<p>YOU were then on the carpet, for +you could not walk well. So when +you were in a hurry, you used to run<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-183" id="BPg_2-183"></a>[<a href="images/v2-183.png">183</a>]</span> +quick, quick, quick, on your hands +and feet, like the dog.</p> + +<p>Away you ran to papa, and putting +both your arms round his leg, for your +hands were not big enough, you looked +up at him, and laughed. What did +this laugh say, when you could not +speak? Cannot you guess by what you +now say to papa?—Ah! it was, Play +with me, papa!—play with me!</p> + +<p>Papa began to smile, and you knew +that the smile was always—Yes. So +you got a ball, and papa threw it along +the floor—Roll—roll—roll; and you +ran after it again—and again. How +pleased you were. Look at William, +he smiles; but you could laugh loud—Ha! +ha! ha!—Papa laughed louder +than the little girl, and rolled the ball +still faster.</p> + +<p>Then he put the ball on a chair, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-184" id="BPg_2-184"></a>[<a href="images/v2-184.png">184</a>]</span> +you were forced to take hold of the +back, and stand up to reach it. At +last you reached too far, and down you +fell: not indeed on your face, because +you put out your hands. You were not +much hurt; but the palms of your +hands smarted with the pain, and you +began to cry, like a little child.</p> + +<p>It is only very little children who cry +when they are hurt; and it is to tell +their mamma, that something is the +matter with them. Now you can come +to me, and say, Mamma, I have hurt +myself. Pray rub my hand: it smarts. +Put something on it, to make it well. +A piece of rag, to stop the blood. +You are not afraid of a little blood—not +you. You scratched your arm with +a pin: it bled a little; but it did you +no harm. See, the skin is grown over +it again.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-185" id="BPg_2-185"></a>[<a href="images/v2-185.png">185</a>]</span></p> +<p class="center">LESSON IX.</p> + +<p>TAKE care not to put pins in your +mouth, because they will stick in your +throat, and give you pain. Oh! you +cannot think what pain a pin would +give you in your throat, should it remain +there: but, if you by chance +swallow it, I should be obliged to give +you, every morning, something bitter +to drink. You never tasted any thing +so bitter! and you would grow very +sick. I never put pins in my mouth; +but I am older than you, and know how +to take care of myself.</p> + +<p>My mamma took care of me, when I +was a little girl, like you. She bade +me never put any thing in my mouth, +without asking her what it was.</p> + +<p>When you were a baby, with no more<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-186" id="BPg_2-186"></a>[<a href="images/v2-186.png">186</a>]</span> +sense than William, you put every thing +in your mouth to gnaw, to help your +teeth to cut through the skin. Look +at the puppy, how he bites that piece +of wood. William presses his gums +against my finger. Poor boy! he is so +young, he does not know what he is +doing. When you bite any thing, it is +because you are hungry.</p> + + +<p class="center">LESSON X.</p> + +<p>SEE how much taller you are than +William. In four years you have learned +to eat, to walk, to talk. Why do you +smile? You can do much more, you +think: you can wash your hands and +face. Very well. I should never kiss +a dirty face. And you can comb your +head with the pretty comb you always<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-187" id="BPg_2-187"></a>[<a href="images/v2-187.png">187</a>]</span> +put by in your own drawer. To be +sure, you do all this to be ready to take +a walk with me. You would be obliged +to stay at home, if you could not comb +your own hair. Betty is busy getting +the dinner ready, and only brushes +William's hair, because he cannot do it +for himself.</p> + +<p>Betty is making an apple-pye. You +love an apple-pye; but I do not bid +you make one. Your hands are not +strong enough to mix the butter and +flour together; and you must not try to +pare the apples, because you cannot +manage a great knife.</p> + +<p>Never touch the large knives: they +are very sharp, and you might cut your +finger to the bone. You are a little +girl, and ought to have a little knife. +When you are as tall as I am, you shall +have a knife as large as mine; and<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-188" id="BPg_2-188"></a>[<a href="images/v2-188.png">188</a>]</span> +when you are as strong as I am, and +have learned to manage it, you will not +hurt yourself.</p> + +<p>You can trundle a hoop, you say; +and jump over a stick. O, I forgot!—and +march like the men in the red +coats, when papa plays a pretty tune on +the fiddle.</p> + + +<p class="center">LESSON XI.</p> + +<p>WHAT, you think that you shall +soon be able to dress yourself entirely? +I am glad of it: I have something else +to do. You may go, and look for your +frock in the drawer; but I will tie it, +till you are stronger. Betty will tie it, +when I am busy.</p> + +<p>I button my gown myself: I do not +want a maid to assist me, when I am<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-189" id="BPg_2-189"></a>[<a href="images/v2-189.png">189</a>]</span> +dressing. But you have not yet got +sense enough to do it properly, and +must beg somebody to help you, till you +are older.</p> + +<p>Children grow older and wiser at the +same time. William is not able to take +a piece of meat, because he has not got +the sense which would make him think +that, without teeth, meat would do him +harm. He cannot tell what is good for +him.</p> + +<p>The sense of children grows with +them. You know much more than +William, now you walk alone, and talk; +but you do not know as much as the +boys and girls you see playing yonder, +who are half as tall again as you; and +they do not know half as much as their +fathers and mothers, who are men and +women grown. Papa and I were children, +like you; and men and women<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-190" id="BPg_2-190"></a>[<a href="images/v2-190.png">190</a>]</span> +took care of us. I carry William, because +he is too weak to walk. I lift +you over a stile, and over the gutter, +when you cannot jump over it.</p> + +<p>You know already, that potatoes +will not do you any harm: but I must +pluck the fruit for you, till you are wise +enough to know the ripe apples and +pears. The hard ones would make you +sick, and then you must take physic. +You do not love physic: I do not love +it any more than you. But I have more +sense than you; therefore I take care +not to eat unripe fruit, or any thing else +that would make my stomach ache, or +bring out ugly red spots on my face.</p> + +<p>When I was a child, my mamma +chose the fruit for me, to prevent my +making myself sick. I was just like +you; I used to ask for what I saw, without +knowing whether it was good or<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-191" id="BPg_2-191"></a>[<a href="images/v2-191.png">191</a>]</span> +bad. Now I have lived a long time, I +know what is good; I do not want any +body to tell me.</p> + + +<p class="center">LESSON XII.</p> + +<p>LOOK at those two dogs. The old +one brings the ball to me in a moment; +the young one does not know how. +He must be taught.</p> + +<p>I can cut your shift in a proper shape. +You would not know how to begin. +You would spoil it; but you will learn.</p> + +<p>John digs in the garden, and knows +when to put the seed in the ground. +You cannot tell whether it should be in +the winter or summer. Try to find it +out. When do the trees put out their +leaves? In the spring, you say, after the<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-192" id="BPg_2-192"></a>[<a href="images/v2-192.png">192</a>]</span> +cold weather. Fruit would not grow +ripe without very warm weather. Now +I am sure you can guess why the summer +is the season for fruit.</p> + +<p>Papa knows that peas and beans are +good for us to eat with our meat. You +are glad when you see them; but if he +did not think for you, and have the +seed put in the ground, we should have +no peas or beans.</p> + + +<p class="center">LESSON XIII.</p> + +<p>POOR child, she cannot do much for +herself. When I let her do any thing +for me, it is to please her: for I could +do it better myself.</p> + +<p>Oh! the poor puppy has tumbled +off the stool. Run and stroak him. Put<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-193" id="BPg_2-193"></a>[<a href="images/v2-193.png">193</a>]</span> +a little milk in a saucer to comfort him. +You have more sense than he. You +can pour the milk into the saucer without +spilling it. He would cry for a day +with hunger, without being able to get +it. You are wiser than the dog, you +must help him. The dog will love you +for it, and run after you. I feed you +and take care of you: you love me +and follow me for it.</p> + +<p>When the book fell down on your +foot, it gave you great pain. The poor +dog felt the same pain just now.</p> + +<p>Take care not to hurt him when you +play with him. And every morning +leave a little milk in your bason for +him. Do not forget to put the bason +in a corner, lest somebody should fall +over it.</p> + +<p>When the snow covers the ground, +save the crumbs of bread for the birds. +In the summer they find feed enough,<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-194" id="BPg_2-194"></a>[<a href="images/v2-194.png">194</a>]</span> +and do not want you to think about +them.</p> + +<p>I make broth for the poor man who +is sick. A sick man is like a child, he +cannot help himself.</p> + + +<p class="center">LESSON X.</p> + +<p>WHEN I caught cold some time +ago, I had such a pain in my head, I +could scarcely hold it up. Papa +opened the door very softly, because +he loves me. You love me, yet you +made a noise. You had not the sense +to know that it made my head worse, +till papa told you.</p> + +<p>Papa had a pain in the stomach, and +he would not eat the fine cherries or +grapes on the table. When I brought +him a cup of camomile tea, he drank +it without saying a word, or making<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-195" id="BPg_2-195"></a>[<a href="images/v2-195.png">195</a>]</span> +an ugly face. He knows that I love +him, and that I would not give him +any thing to drink that has a bad taste, +if it were not to do him good.</p> + +<p>You asked me for some apples when +your stomach ached; but I was not angry +with you. If you had been as wise +as papa, you would have said, I will +not eat the apples to-day, I must take +some camomile tea.</p> + +<p>You say that you do not know how +to think. Yes; you do a little. The +other day papa was tired; he had been +walking about all the morning. After +dinner he fell asleep on the sopha. I +did not bid you be quiet; but you +thought of what papa said to you, +when my head ached. This made you +think that you ought not to make a +noise, when papa was resting himself. +So you came to me, and said to me, +very softly, Pray reach me my ball, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-196" id="BPg_2-196"></a>[<a href="images/v2-196.png">196</a>]</span> +I will go and play in the garden, till +papa wakes.</p> + +<p>You were going out; but thinking +again, you came back to me on your +tip-toes. Whisper——whisper. Pray +mama, call me, when papa wakes; +for I shall be afraid to open the door +to see, lest I should disturb him.</p> + +<p>Away you went.—Creep—creep—and +shut the door as softly as I could +have done myself.</p> + +<p>That was thinking. When a child +does wrong at first, she does not know +any better. But, after she has been told +that she must not disturb mama, when +poor mama is unwell, she thinks herself, +that she must not wake papa when +he is tired.</p> + +<p>Another day we will see if you can +think about any thing else.</p> + +<h4>THE END.</h4> + +<div class="footnotes"><h3>FOOTNOTES:</h3> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="BFootnote_175-A_11" id="BFootnote_175-A_11"></a><a href="#BFNanchor_175-A_11"><span class="label">[175-A]</span></a> This title which is indorsed on the back of +the manuscript, I conclude to have been written +in a period of desperation, in the month of +October, 1795.</p> +<p class="right"><span class="smcap">editor.</span></p></div> +</div> + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-i_S" id="BPg_2-i_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-i.png">i</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h1><a name="V2S" id="V2S"></a>POSTHUMOUS WORKS</h1> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h3>OF</h3> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h2>MARY WOLLSTONECRAFT GODWIN.</h2> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h2>VOL. II.</h2> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-ii_S" id="BPg_2-ii_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-ii.png">ii</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-iii_S" id="BPg_2-iii_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-iii.png">iii</a>]</span></p> + +<hr class="full" /> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h1>POSTHUMOUS WORKS</h1> + +<h3>OF THE</h3> + +<h1>AUTHOR</h1> + +<h3>OF A</h3> + +<h2>VINDICATION OF THE RIGHTS OF WOMAN.</h2> +<p> </p> +<h2>IN FOUR VOLUMES.</h2> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<hr /> +<p> </p> +<h1>VOL. II.</h1> +<p> </p> +<hr /> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h4><i>LONDON:</i></h4> + +<h5>PRINTED FOR J. JOHNSON, NO. 72, ST. PAUL'S<br /> + CHURCH-YARD; AND G. G. AND J. ROBINSON,<br /> + PATERNOSTER-ROW.<br /> + 1798.</h5> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-iv_S" id="BPg_2-iv_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-iv.png">iv</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-v_S" id="BPg_2-v_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-v.png">v</a>]</span></p> +<hr class="full" /> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h3>THE</h3> + +<h1>WRONGS OF WOMAN:</h1> + +<h3>OR,</h3> + +<h1>MARIA.</h1> + +<h2>A FRAGMENT.</h2> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h2>IN TWO VOLUMES.</h2> +<p> </p> +<hr /> +<p> </p> +<h1>VOL. II.</h1> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-vi_S" id="BPg_2-vi_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-vi.png">vi</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-1_S" id="BPg_2-1_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-1.png">1</a>]</span></p> +<hr class="full" /> + +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h3><a name="BV2_WRONGS_S" id="BV2_WRONGS_S"></a><i>WRONGS</i></h3> +<p> </p> +<h3>OF</h3> +<p> </p> +<h2>WOMAN.</h2> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + +<hr /> +<h2><a name="BCHAP_IX_S" id="BCHAP_IX_S"></a>CHAP. IX.</h2> + +<p>"<span class="smcap">I Reſume</span> my pen to fly from thought. +I was married; and we haſtened to +London. I had purpoſed taking one of +my ſiſters with me; for a ſtrong motive +for marrying, was the deſire of having +a home at which I could receive them, +now their own grew ſo uncomfortable, +as not to deſerve the cheering appellation. +An objection was made to her<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-2_S" id="BPg_2-2_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-2.png">2</a>]</span> +accompanying me, that appeared plauſible; +and I reluctantly acquieſced. I +was however willingly allowed to take +with me Molly, poor Peggy's daughter. +London and preferment, are ideas commonly +aſſociated in the country; and, +as blooming as May, ſhe bade adieu to +Peggy with weeping eyes. I did not +even feel hurt at the refuſal in relation +to my ſiſter, till hearing what my uncle +had done for me, I had the ſimplicity +to requeſt, ſpeaking with warmth of +their ſituation, that he would give them +a thouſand pounds a-piece, which +ſeemed to me but juſtice. He aſked +me, giving me a kiſs, 'If I had loſt my +ſenſes?' I ſtarted back, as if I had +found a waſp in a roſe-buſh. I expoſtulated. +He ſneered; and the demon +of diſcord entered our paradiſe, to<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-3_S" id="BPg_2-3_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-3.png">3</a>]</span> +poiſon with his peſtiferous breath every +opening joy.</p> + +<p>"I had ſometimes obſerved defects +in my huſband's underſtanding; but, led +aſtray by a prevailing opinion, that +goodneſs of diſpoſition is of the firſt importance +in the relative ſituations of +life, in proportion as I perceived the +narrowneſs of his underſtanding, fancy +enlarged the boundary of his heart. +Fatal error! How quickly is the ſo +much vaunted milkineſs of nature turned +into gall, by an intercourſe with the +world, if more generous juices do not +ſuſtain the vital ſource of virtue!</p> + +<p>"One trait in my character was extreme +credulity; but, when my eyes were +once opened, I ſaw but too clearly all +I had before overlooked. My huſband +was ſunk in my eſteem; ſtill there are +youthful emotions, which, for a while,<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-4_S" id="BPg_2-4_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-4.png">4</a>]</span> +fill up the chaſm of love and friendſhip. +Beſides, it required ſome time to enable +me to ſee his whole character in a +juſt light, or rather to allow it to become +fixed. While circumſtances were +ripening my faculties, and cultivating +my taſte, commerce and groſs relaxations +were ſhutting his againſt any +poſſibility of improvement, till, by +ſtifling every ſpark of virtue in himſelf, +he began to imagine that it no where +exiſted.</p> + +<p>"Do not let me lead you aſtray, my +child, I do not mean to aſſert, that +any human being is entirely incapable +of feeling the generous emotions, which +are the foundation of every true principle +of virtue; but they are frequently, +I fear, ſo feeble, that, like the inflammable +quality which more or leſs +lurks in all bodies, they often lie for<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-5_S" id="BPg_2-5_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-5.png">5</a>]</span> +ever dormant; the circumſtances never +occurring, neceſſary to call them into +action.</p> + +<p>"I diſcovered however by chance, +that, in conſequence of ſome loſſes in +trade, the natural effect of his gambling +deſire to ſtart ſuddenly into riches, +the five thouſand pounds given me by +my uncle, had been paid very opportunely. +This diſcovery, ſtrange as you +may think the aſſertion, gave me pleaſure; +my huſband's embarraſſments +endeared him to me. I was glad to +find an excuſe for his conduct to my +ſiſters, and my mind became calmer.</p> + +<p>"My uncle introduced me to ſome +literary ſociety; and the theatres were +a never-failing ſource of amuſement to +me. My delighted eye followed Mrs. +Siddons, when, with dignified delicacy, +ſhe played Caliſta; and I involuntarily<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-6_S" id="BPg_2-6_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-6.png">6</a>]</span> +repeated after her, in the ſame tone, +and with a long-drawn ſigh,</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">'Hearts like our's were pair'd—not match'd.'<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>"Theſe were, at firſt, ſpontaneous +emotions, though, becoming acquainted +with men of wit and poliſhed manners, +I could not ſometimes help regretting +my early marriage; and that, +in my haſte to eſcape from a temporary +dependence, and expand my newly +fledged wings, in an unknown ſky, I +had been caught in a trap, and caged +for life. Still the novelty of London, +and the attentive fondneſs of my huſband, +for he had ſome perſonal regard +for me, made ſeveral months glide +away. Yet, not forgetting the ſituation +of my ſiſters, who were ſtill very +young, I prevailed on my uncle to ſet<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-7_S" id="BPg_2-7_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-7.png">7</a>]</span>tle +a thouſand pounds on each; and +to place them in a ſchool near town, +where I could frequently viſit, as well +as have them at home with me.</p> + +<p>"I now tried to improve my huſband's +taſte, but we had few ſubjects in +common; indeed he ſoon appeared +to have little reliſh for my ſociety, unleſs +he was hinting to me the uſe he +could make of my uncle's wealth. +When we had company, I was diſguſted +by an oſtentatious diſplay of +riches, and I have often quitted the +room, to avoid liſtening to exaggerated +tales of money obtained by lucky hits.</p> + +<p>"With all my attention and affectionate +intereſt, I perceived that I +could not become the friend or confident +of my huſband. Every thing I +learned relative to his affairs I gathered +up by accident; and I vainly endea<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-8_S" id="BPg_2-8_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-8.png">8</a>]</span>voured +to eſtabliſh, at our fire-ſide, +that ſocial converſe, which often renders +people of different characters dear to +each other. Returning from the theatre, +or any amuſing party, I frequently +began to relate what I had ſeen and +highly reliſhed; but with ſullen taciturnity +he ſoon ſilenced me. I ſeemed +therefore gradually to loſe, in his ſociety, +the ſoul, the energies of which +had juſt been in action. To ſuch a degree, +in fact, did his cold, reſerved +manner affect me, that, after ſpending +ſome days with him alone, I have +imagined myſelf the moſt ſtupid creature +in the world, till the abilities of +ſome caſual viſitor convinced me that I +had ſome dormant animation, and ſentiments +above the duſt in which I had +been groveling. The very countenance +of my huſband changed; his com<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-9_S" id="BPg_2-9_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-9.png">9</a>]</span>plexion +became ſallow, and all the +charms of youth were vaniſhing with +its vivacity.</p> + +<p>"I give you one view of the ſubject; +but theſe experiments and alterations +took up the ſpace of five years; during +which period, I had moſt reluctantly extorted +ſeveral ſums from my uncle, to +ſave my huſband, to uſe his own words, +from deſtruction. At firſt it was to prevent +bills being noted, to the injury of +his credit; then to bail him; and afterwards +to prevent an execution from +entering the houſe. I began at laſt to +conclude, that he would have made +more exertions of his own to extricate +himſelf, had he not relied on mine, +cruel as was the taſk he impoſed on me; +and I firmly determined that I would +make uſe of no more pretexts.</p> + +<p>"From the moment I pronounced<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-10_S" id="BPg_2-10_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-10.png">10</a>]</span> +this determination, indifference on his +part was changed into rudeneſs, or +ſomething worſe.</p> + +<p>"He now ſeldom dined at home, +and continually returned at a late hour, +drunk, to bed. I retired to another +apartment; I was glad, I own, to +eſcape from his; for perſonal intimacy +without affection, ſeemed, to me the +moſt degrading, as well as the moſt +painful ſtate in which a woman of any +taſte, not to ſpeak of the peculiar delicacy +of foſtered ſenſibility, could be +placed. But my huſband's fondneſs +for women was of the groſſeſt kind, +and imagination was ſo wholly out of +the queſtion, as to render his indulgences +of this ſort entirely promiſcuous, +and of the moſt brutal nature. +My health ſuffered, before my heart +was entirely eſtranged by the loath<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-11_S" id="BPg_2-11_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-11.png">11</a>]</span>ſome +information; could I then have +returned to his ſullied arms, but as a +victim to the prejudices of mankind, +who have made women the property of +their huſbands? I diſcovered even, +by his converſation, when intoxicated, +that his favourites were wantons of the +loweſt claſs, who could by their vulgar, +indecent mirth, which he called nature, +rouſe his ſluggiſh ſpirits. Meretricious +ornaments and manners were +neceſſary to attract his attention. He +ſeldom looked twice at a modeſt woman, +and ſat ſilent in their company; +and the charms of youth and beauty +had not the ſlighteſt effect on his ſenſes, +unleſs the poſſeſſors were initiated in +vice. His intimacy with profligate women, +and his habits of thinking, gave +him a contempt for female endowments; +and he would repeat, when<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-12_S" id="BPg_2-12_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-12.png">12</a>]</span> +wine had looſed his tongue, moſt of the +common-place ſarcaſms levelled at +them, by men who do not allow them +to have minds, becauſe mind would be +an impediment to groſs enjoyment. +Men who are inferior to their fellow +men, are always moſt anxious to eſtabliſh +their ſuperiority over women. +But where are theſe reflections leading +me?</p> + +<p>"Women who have loſt their huſband's +affection, are juſtly reproved for +neglecting their perſons, and not taking +the ſame pains to keep, as to gain a +heart; but who thinks of giving the +ſame advice to men, though women +are continually ſtigmatized for being +attached to fops; and from the nature +of their education, are more ſuſceptible +of diſguſt? Yet why a woman ſhould +be expected to endure a ſloven, with<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-13_S" id="BPg_2-13_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-13.png">13</a>]</span> +more patience than a man, and magnanimouſly +to govern herſelf, I cannot +conceive; unleſs it be ſuppoſed arrogant +in her to look for reſpect as well as a +maintenance. It is not eaſy to be +pleaſed, becauſe, after promiſing to +love, in different circumſtances, we are +told that it is our duty. I cannot, I +am ſure (though, when attending the +ſick, I never felt diſguſt) forget my +own ſenſations, when riſing with health +and ſpirit, and after ſcenting the ſweet +morning, I have met my huſband at +the breakfaſt table. The active attention +I had been giving to domeſtic regulations, +which were generally ſettled +before he roſe, or a walk, gave a glow +to my countenance, that contraſted with +his ſquallid appearance. The ſqueamiſhneſs +of ſtomach alone, produced +by the laſt night's intemperance, which<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-14_S" id="BPg_2-14_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-14.png">14</a>]</span> +he took no pains to conceal, deſtroyed +my appetite. I think I now ſee him +lolling in an arm-chair, in a dirty powdering +gown, ſoiled linen, ungartered +ſtockings, and tangled hair, yawning +and ſtretching himſelf. The newſpaper +was immediately called for, if not +brought in on the tea-board, from +which he would ſcarcely lift his eyes +while I poured out the tea, excepting +to aſk for ſome brandy to put into it, or +to declare that he could not eat. In +anſwer to any queſtion, in his beſt humour, +it was a drawling 'What do +you ſay, child?' But if I demanded +money for the houſe expences, which I +put off till the laſt moment, his cuſtomary +reply, often prefaced with an +oath, was, 'Do you think me, madam, +made of money?'—The butcher, +the baker, muſt wait; and, what was<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-15_S" id="BPg_2-15_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-15.png">15</a>]</span> +worſe, I was often obliged to witneſs +his ſurly diſmiſſion of tradeſmen, who +were in want of their money, and +whom I ſometimes paid with the preſents +my uncle gave me for my own +uſe.</p> + +<p><ins class="err" title="Transcriber's Note: added miſſing quotation mark">"</ins>At this juncture my father's miſtreſs, +by terrifying his conſcience, prevailed +on him to marry her; he was already +become a methodiſt; and my brother, +who now practiſed for himſelf, had diſcovered +a flaw in the ſettlement made +on my mother's children, which ſet it +aſide, and he allowed my father, whoſe +diſtreſs made him ſubmit to any thing, +a tithe of his own, or rather our fortune.</p> + +<p><ins class="err" title="Transcriber's Note: added miſſing quotation mark">"</ins>My ſiſters had left ſchool, but were +unable to endure home, which my father's +wife rendered as diſagreeable as +poſſible, to get rid of girls whom ſhe<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-16_S" id="BPg_2-16_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-16.png">16</a>]</span> +regarded as ſpies on her conduct. They +were accompliſhed, yet you can (may +you never be reduced to the ſame deſtitute +ſtate!) ſcarcely conceive the trouble +I had to place them in the ſituation +of governeſſes, the only one in which +even a well-educated woman, with +more than ordinary talents, can ſtruggle +for a ſubſiſtence; and even this is a +dependence next to menial. Is it then +ſurpriſing, that ſo many forlorn women, +with human paſſions and feelings, take +refuge in infamy? Alone in large manſions, +I ſay alone, becauſe they had no +companions with whom they could converſe +on equal terms, or from whom +they could expect the endearments of +affection, they grew melancholy, and +the ſound of joy made them ſad; and +the youngeſt, having a more delicate +frame, fell into a decline. It was with<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-17_S" id="BPg_2-17_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-17.png">17</a>]</span> +great difficulty that I, who now almoſt +ſupported the houſe by loans from my +uncle, could prevail on the <i>maſter</i> of it, +to allow her a room to die in. I watched +her ſick bed for ſome months, and then +cloſed her eyes, gentle ſpirit! for ever. +She was pretty, with very engaging +manners; yet had never an opportunity +to marry, excepting to a very old man. +She had abilities ſufficient to have +ſhone in any profeſſion, had there been +any profeſſions for women, though ſhe +ſhrunk at the name of milliner or mantua-maker +as degrading to a gentlewoman. +I would not term this feeling +falſe pride to any one but you, my +child, whom I fondly hope to ſee (yes; +I will indulge the hope for a moment!) +poſſeſſed of that energy of character +which gives dignity to any ſtation; and +with that clear, firm ſpirit that will en<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-18_S" id="BPg_2-18_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-18.png">18</a>]</span>able +you to chooſe a ſituation for yourſelf, +or ſubmit to be claſſed in the loweſt, +if it be the only one in which you +can be the miſtreſs of your own actions.</p> + +<p>"Soon after the death of my ſiſter, +an incident occurred, to prove to me that +the heart of a libertine is dead to natural +affection; and to convince me, +that the being who has appeared all +tenderneſs, to gratify a ſelfiſh paſſion, +is as regardleſs of the innocent fruit of +it, as of the object, when the fit is over. +I had caſually obſerved an old, mean-looking +woman, who called on my huſband +every two or three months to receive +ſome money. One day entering +the paſſage of his little counting-houſe, +as ſhe was going out, I +heard her ſay, 'The child is very weak; +ſhe cannot live long, ſhe will ſoon die<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-19_S" id="BPg_2-19_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-19.png">19</a>]</span> +out of your way, ſo you need not grudge +her a little phyſic.'</p> + +<p>"'So much the better,' he replied, +'and pray mind your own buſineſs, +good woman.'</p> + +<p>"I was ſtruck by his unfeeling, inhuman +tone of voice, and drew back, +determined when the woman came +again, to try to ſpeak to her, not out +of curioſity, I had heard enough, but +with the hope of being uſeful to a poor, +outcaſt girl.</p> + +<p>"A month or two elapſed before I +ſaw this woman again; and then ſhe +had a child in her hand that tottered +along, ſcarcely able to ſuſtain her own +weight. They were going away, to +return at the hour Mr. Venables was +expected; he was now from home. I +deſired the woman to walk into the +parlour. She heſitated, yet obeyed.<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-20_S" id="BPg_2-20_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-20.png">20</a>]</span> +I aſſured her that I ſhould not mention +to my huſband (the word ſeemed to +weigh on my reſpiration), that I had ſeen +her, or his child. The woman ſtared +at me with aſtoniſhment; and I turned +my eyes on the ſqualid object [that accompanied +her.] She could hardly ſupport +herſelf, her complexion was ſallow, +and her eyes inflamed, with an indeſcribable +look of cunning, mixed with +the wrinkles produced by the peeviſhneſs +of pain.</p> + +<p>"<ins class="err" title="Transcriber's Note: added miſſing quotation mark">'</ins>Poor child!' I exclaimed. 'Ah! +you may well ſay poor child,' replied +the woman. 'I brought her here to ſee +whether he would have the heart to +look at her, and not get ſome advice. +I do not know what they deſerve who +nurſed her. Why, her legs bent under +her like a bow when ſhe came to me, +and ſhe has never been well ſince; but,<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-21_S" id="BPg_2-21_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-21.png">21</a>]</span> +if they were no better paid than I am, +it is not to be wondered at, ſure +enough.'</p> + +<p>"On further enquiry I was informed, +that this miſerable ſpectacle was the +daughter of a ſervant, a country girl, +who caught Mr. Venables' eye, and +whom he ſeduced. On his marriage he +ſent her away, her ſituation being too +viſible. After her delivery, ſhe was +thrown on the town; and died in an +hoſpital within the year. The babe +was ſent to a pariſh-nurſe, and afterwards +to this woman, who did not +ſeem much better; but what was to be +expected from ſuch a cloſe bargain? +She was only paid three ſhillings a week +for board and waſhing.</p> + +<p>"The woman begged me to give her +ſome old clothes for the child, aſſuring +me, that ſhe was almoſt afraid to aſk<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-22_S" id="BPg_2-22_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-22.png">22</a>]</span> +maſter for money to buy even a pair +of ſhoes.</p> + +<p>"I grew ſick at heart. And, fearing +Mr. Venables might enter, and oblige +me to expreſs my abhorrence, I haſtily +enquired where ſhe lived, promiſed to +pay her two ſhillings a week more, and +to call on her in a day or two; putting +a trifle into her hand as a proof of my +good intention.</p> + +<p>"If the ſtate of this child affected me, +what were my feelings at a diſcovery I +made reſpecting Peggy——?<a name="BFNanchor_22-A_6_S" id="BFNanchor_22-A_6_S"></a><a href="#BFootnote_22-A_6_S" class="fnanchor">[22-A]</a></p> + +<div class="footnotes"><h3>FOOTNOTES:</h3> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="BFootnote_22-A_6_S" id="BFootnote_22-A_6_S"></a><a href="#BFNanchor_22-A_6_S"><span class="label">[22-A]</span></a> The manuſcript is imperfect here. An epiſode +ſeems to have been intended, which was +never committed to paper. +</p> +<p class="right"><span class="smcap">editor.</span></p></div> +</div> + + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-23_S" id="BPg_2-23_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-23.png">23</a>]</span></p> +<h2><a name="BCHAP_X_S" id="BCHAP_X_S"></a>CHAP. X.</h2> + + +<p>"<span class="smcap">My</span> father's ſituation was now ſo +diſtreſſing, that I prevailed on my uncle +to accompany me to viſit him; and +to lend me his aſſiſtance, to prevent the +whole property of the family from becoming +the prey of my brother's rapacity; +for, to extricate himſelf out of +preſent difficulties, my father was totally +regardleſs of futurity. I took +down with me ſome preſents for my +ſtep-mother; it did not require an effort +for me to treat her with civility, or +to forget the paſt.</p> + +<p>"This was the firſt time I had viſited +my native village, ſince my marriage. +But with what different emotions did +I return from the buſy world, with a<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-24_S" id="BPg_2-24_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-24.png">24</a>]</span> +heavy weight of experience benumbing +my imagination, to ſcenes, that whiſpered +recollections of joy and hope +moſt eloquently to my heart! The +firſt ſcent of the wild flowers from the +heath, thrilled through my veins, awakening +every ſenſe to pleaſure. The icy +hand of deſpair ſeemed to be removed +from my boſom; and—forgetting my +huſband—the nurtured viſions of a romantic +mind, burſting on me with all +their original wildneſs and gay exuberance, +were again hailed as ſweet realities. +I forgot, with equal facility, +that I ever felt ſorrow, or knew care +in the country; while a tranſient rainbow +ſtole athwart the cloudy ſky of deſpondency. +The pictureſque form of +ſeveral favourite trees, and the porches +of rude cottages, with their ſmiling +hedges, were recognized with the glad<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-25_S" id="BPg_2-25_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-25.png">25</a>]</span>ſome +playfulneſs of childiſh vivacity. +I could have kiſſed the chickens that +pecked on the common; and longed to +pat the cows, and frolic with the dogs +that ſported on it. I gazed with delight +on the windmill, and thought it +lucky that it ſhould be in motion, at +the moment I paſſed by; and entering +the dear green lane, which led directly +to the village, the ſound of the well-known +rookery gave that ſentimental +tinge to the varying ſenſations of my +active ſoul, which only ſerved to +heighten the luſtre of the luxuriant +ſcenery. But, ſpying, as I advanced, +the ſpire, peeping over the withered tops +of the aged elms that compoſed the +rookery, my thoughts flew immediately +to the church-yard, and tears of affection, +ſuch was the effect of my imagination, +bedewed my mother's grave!<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-26_S" id="BPg_2-26_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-26.png">26</a>]</span> +Sorrow gave place to devotional feelings. +I wandered through the church +in fancy, as I uſed ſometimes to do on +a Saturday evening. I recollected with +what fervour I addreſſed the God of +my youth: and once more with rapturous +love looked above my ſorrows +to the Father of nature. I pauſe—feeling +forcibly all the emotions I am deſcribing; +and (reminded, as I regiſter +my ſorrows, of the ſublime calm I have +felt, when in ſome tremendous ſolitude, +my ſoul reſted on itſelf, and +ſeemed to fill the univerſe) I inſenſibly +breathe ſoft, huſhing every wayward +emotion, as if fearing to ſully with a +ſigh, a contentment ſo extatic.</p> + +<p>"Having ſettled my father's affairs, +and, by my exertions in his favour, made +my brother my ſworn foe, I returned +to London. My huſband's conduct<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-27_S" id="BPg_2-27_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-27.png">27</a>]</span> +was now changed; I had during my +abſence, received ſeveral affectionate, +penitential letters from him; and he +ſeemed on my arrival, to wiſh by his +behaviour to prove his ſincerity. I +could not then conceive why he acted +thus; and, when the ſuſpicion darted +into my head, that it might ariſe from +obſerving my increaſing influence with +my uncle, I almoſt deſpiſed myſelf for +imagining that ſuch a degree of debaſing +ſelfiſhneſs could exiſt.</p> + +<p>"He became, unaccountable as was +the change, tender and attentive; and, +attacking my weak ſide, made a confeſſion +of his follies, and lamented the +embarraſſments in which I, who merited +a far different fate, might be involved. +He beſought me to aid him with my +counſel, praiſed my underſtanding, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-28_S" id="BPg_2-28_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-28.png">28</a>]</span> +appealed to the tenderneſs of my +heart.</p> + +<p>"This conduct only inſpired me with +compaſſion. I wiſhed to be his friend; +but love had ſpread his roſy pinions, +and fled far, far away; and had not +(like ſome exquiſite perfumes, the fine +ſpirit of which is continually mingling +with the air) left a fragrance behind, +to mark where he had ſhook his wings. +My huſband's renewed careſſes then +became hateful to me; his brutality +was tolerable, compared to his diſtaſteful +fondneſs. Still, compaſſion, and +the fear of inſulting his ſuppoſed feelings, +by a want of ſympathy, made +me diſſemble, and do violence to my +delicacy. What a taſk!</p> + +<p>"Thoſe who ſupport a ſyſtem of +what I term falſe refinement, and will<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-29_S" id="BPg_2-29_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-29.png">29</a>]</span> +not allow great part of love in the female, +as well as male breaſt, to ſpring +in ſome reſpects involuntarily, may not +admit that charms are as neceſſary to +feed the paſſion, as virtues to convert +the mellowing ſpirit into friendſhip. To +ſuch obſervers I have nothing to ſay, +any more than to the moraliſts, who inſiſt +that women ought to, and can love +their huſbands, becauſe it is their duty. +To you, my child, I may add, with a +heart tremblingly alive to your future +conduct, ſome obſervations, dictated +by my preſent feelings, on calmly reviewing +this period of my life. When +noveliſts or moraliſts praiſe as a virtue, +a woman's coldneſs of conſtitution, and +want of paſſion; and make her yield +to the ardour of her lover out of ſheer +compaſſion, or to promote a frigid plan +of future comfort, I am diſguſted.<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-30_S" id="BPg_2-30_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-30.png">30</a>]</span> +They may be good women, in the ordinary +acceptation of the phraſe, and do +no harm; but they appear to me not to +have thoſe 'finely faſhioned nerves,' +which render the ſenſes exquiſite. They +may poſſeſs tenderneſs; but they want +that fire of the imagination, which produces +<i>active</i> ſenſibility, and <i>poſitive</i> virtue. +How does the woman deſerve to +be characterized, who marries one man, +with a heart and imagination devoted +to another? Is ſhe not an object of +pity or contempt, when thus ſacrilegiouſly +violating the purity of her own +feelings? Nay, it is as indelicate, when +ſhe is indifferent, unleſs ſhe be conſtitutionally +inſenſible; then indeed it is +a mere affair of barter; and I have nothing +to do with the ſecrets of trade. +Yes; eagerly as I wiſh you to poſſeſs +true rectitude of mind, and purity of<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-31_S" id="BPg_2-31_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-31.png">31</a>]</span> +affection, I muſt inſiſt that a heartleſs +conduct is the contrary of virtuous. +Truth is the only baſis of virtue; and +we cannot, without depraving our +minds, endeavour to pleaſe a lover or +huſband, but in proportion as he +pleaſes us. Men, more effectually to +enſlave us, may inculcate this partial +morality, and loſe ſight of virtue in +ſubdividing it into the duties of particular +ſtations; but let us not bluſh for +nature without a cauſe!</p> + +<p>"After theſe remarks, I am aſhamed +to own, that I was pregnant. The +greateſt ſacrifice of my principles in my +whole life, was the allowing my huſband +again to be familiar with my perſon, +though to this cruel act of ſelf-denial, +when I wiſhed the earth to +open and ſwallow me, you owe your +birth; and I the unutterable pleaſure<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-32_S" id="BPg_2-32_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-32.png">32</a>]</span> +of being a mother. There was ſomething +of delicacy in my huſband's bridal +attentions; but now his tainted breath, +pimpled face, and blood-ſhot eyes, +were not more repugnant to my ſenſes, +than his groſs manners, and loveleſs +familiarity to my taſte.</p> + +<p>"A man would only be expected to +maintain; yes, barely grant a ſubſiſtence, +to a woman rendered odious by +habitual intoxication; but who would +expect him, or think it poſſible to love +her? And unleſs 'youth, and genial +years were flown,' it would be thought +equally unreaſonable to inſiſt, [under +penalty of] forfeiting almoſt every thing +reckoned valuable in life, that he +ſhould not love another: whilſt woman, +weak in reaſon, impotent in will, +is required to moralize, ſentimentalize +herſelf to ſtone, and pine her life away,<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-33_S" id="BPg_2-33_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-33.png">33</a>]</span> +labouring to reform her embruted +mate. He may even ſpend in diſſipation, +and intemperance, the very intemperance +which renders him ſo hateful, +her property, and by ſtinting her +expences, not permit her to beguile in +ſociety, a weariſome, joyleſs life; for +over their mutual fortune ſhe has no +power, it muſt all paſs through his +hand. And if ſhe be a mother, and +in the preſent ſtate of women, it is a +great miſfortune to be prevented from +diſcharging the duties, and cultivating +the affections of one, what has ſhe not +to endure?—But I have ſuffered the +tenderneſs of one to lead me into reflections +that I did not think of making, +to interrupt my narrative—yet the full +heart will overflow.</p> + +<p>"Mr. Venables' embarraſſments did +not now endear him to me; ſtill, anxi<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-34_S" id="BPg_2-34_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-34.png">34</a>]</span>ous +to befriend him, I endeavoured to +prevail on him to retrench his expences; +but he had always ſome plauſible +excuſe to give, to juſtify his not +following my advice. Humanity, compaſſion, +and the intereſt produced by a +habit of living together, made me try +to relieve, and ſympathize with him; +but, when I recollected that I was +bound to live with ſuch a being for +ever—my heart died within me; my +deſire of improvement became languid, +and baleful, corroding melancholy took +poſſeſſion of my ſoul. Marriage had +baſtilled me for life. I diſcovered in +myſelf a capacity for the enjoyment of +the various pleaſures exiſtence affords; +yet, fettered by the partial laws of ſociety, +this fair globe was to me an +univerſal blank.</p> + +<p>"When I exhorted my huſband to<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-35_S" id="BPg_2-35_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-35.png">35</a>]</span> +economy, I referred to himſelf. I was +obliged to practiſe the moſt rigid, or +contract debts, which I had too much +reaſon to fear would never be paid. I +deſpiſed this paltry privilege of a wife, +which can only be of uſe to the vicious +or inconſiderate, and determined not to +increaſe the torrent that was bearing +him down. I was then ignorant of +the extent of his fraudulent ſpeculations, +whom I was bound to honour +and obey.</p> + +<p>"A woman neglected by her huſband, +or whoſe manners form a ſtriking +contraſt with his, will always have +men on the watch to ſoothe and flatter +her. Beſides, the forlorn ſtate of a +neglected woman, not deſtitute of perſonal +charms, is particularly intereſting, +and rouſes that ſpecies of pity, +which is ſo near akin, it eaſily ſlides<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-36_S" id="BPg_2-36_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-36.png">36</a>]</span> +into love. A man of feeling thinks +not of ſeducing, he is himſelf ſeduced +by all the nobleſt emotions of his ſoul. +He figures to himſelf all the ſacrifices a +woman of ſenſibility muſt make, and +every ſituation in which his imagination +places her, touches his heart, +and fires his paſſions. Longing to +take to his boſom the ſhorn lamb, and +bid the drooping buds of hope revive, +benevolence changes into paſſion: +and ſhould he then diſcover that he is +beloved, honour binds him faſt, though +foreſeeing that he may afterwards be +obliged to pay ſevere damages to the +man, who never appeared to value his +wife's ſociety, till he found that there +was a chance of his being indemnified +for the loſs of it.</p> + +<p>"Such are the partial laws enacted +by men; for, only to lay a ſtreſs on the<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-37_S" id="BPg_2-37_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-37.png">37</a>]</span> +dependent ſtate of a woman in the +grand queſtion of the comforts ariſing +from the poſſeſſion of property, ſhe is +[even in this article] much more injured +by the loſs of the huſband's affection, +than he by that of his wife; yet where +is ſhe, condemned to the ſolitude of a +deſerted home, to look for a compenſation +from the woman, who ſeduces +him from her? She cannot drive an +unfaithful huſband from his houſe, nor +ſeparate, or tear, his children from +him, however culpable he may be; and +he, ſtill the maſter of his own fate, enjoys +the ſmiles of a world, that would +brand her with infamy, did ſhe, ſeeking +conſolation, venture to retaliate.</p> + +<p>"Theſe remarks are not dictated by +experience; but merely by the compaſſion +I feel for many amiable women, +the <i>out-laws</i> of the world. For my<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-38_S" id="BPg_2-38_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-38.png">38</a>]</span>ſelf, +never encouraging any of the advances +that were made to me, my lovers +dropped off like the untimely ſhoots of +ſpring. I did not even coquet with +them; becauſe I found, on examining +myſelf, I could not coquet with a man +without loving him a little; and I perceived +that I ſhould not be able to +ſtop at the line of what are termed <i>innocent +freedoms</i>, did I ſuffer any. My +reſerve was then the conſequence of +delicacy. Freedom of conduct has +emancipated many women's minds; +but my conduct has moſt rigidly been +governed by my principles, till the improvement +of my underſtanding has +enabled me to diſcern the fallacy of +prejudices at war with nature and +reaſon.</p> + +<p>"Shortly after the change I have +mentioned in my huſband's conduct,<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-39_S" id="BPg_2-39_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-39.png">39</a>]</span> +my uncle was compelled by his declining +health, to ſeek the ſuccour of a +milder climate, and embark for Liſbon. +He left his will in the hands of a friend, +an eminent ſolicitor; he had previouſly +queſtioned me relative to my ſituation +and ſtate of mind, and declared very +freely, that he could place no reliance +on the ſtability of my huſband's profeſſions. +He had been deceived in the +unfolding of his character; he now +thought it fixed in a train of actions +that would inevitably lead to ruin and +diſgrace.</p> + +<p>"The evening before his departure, +which we ſpent alone together, he +folded me to his heart, uttering the endearing +appellation of 'child.'—My +more than father! why was I not permitted +to perform the laſt duties of +one, and ſmooth the pillow of death?<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-40_S" id="BPg_2-40_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-40.png">40</a>]</span> +He ſeemed by his manner to be convinced +that he ſhould never ſee me +more; yet requeſted me, moſt earneſtly, +to come to him, ſhould I be obliged to +leave my huſband. He had before expreſſed +his ſorrow at hearing of my +pregnancy, having determined to prevail +on me to accompany him, till I +informed him of that circumſtance. He +expreſſed himſelf unfeignedly ſorry that +any new tie ſhould bind me to a man +whom he thought ſo incapable of eſtimating +my value; ſuch was the kind +language of affection.</p> + +<p>"I muſt repeat his own words; they +made an indelible impreſſion on my +mind:</p> + +<p>"'The marriage ſtate is certainly that +in which women, generally ſpeaking, +can be moſt uſeful; but I am far from +thinking that a woman, once married,<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-41_S" id="BPg_2-41_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-41.png">41</a>]</span> +ought to conſider the engagement as +indiſſoluble (eſpecially if there be no +children to reward her for ſacrificing +her feelings) in caſe her huſband +merits neither her love, nor eſteem. +Eſteem will often ſupply the place of +love; and prevent a woman from being +wretched, though it may not +make her happy. The magnitude of +a ſacrifice ought always to bear ſome +proportion to the utility in view; +and for a woman to live with a man, +for whom ſhe can cheriſh neither affection +nor eſteem, or even be of any +uſe to him, excepting in the light of +a houſe-keeper, is an abjectneſs of +condition, the enduring of which no +concurrence of circumſtances can +ever make a duty in the ſight of God +or juſt men. If indeed ſhe ſubmits to +it merely to be maintained in idleneſs,<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-42_S" id="BPg_2-42_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-42.png">42</a>]</span> +ſhe has no right to complain bitterly +of her fate; or to act, as a perſon of +independent character might, as if +ſhe had a title to diſregard general +rules.</p> + +<p>"<ins class="err" title="Transcriber's Note: added miſſing quotation mark">'</ins>But the miſfortune is, that many +women only ſubmit in appearance, +and forfeit their own reſpect to ſecure +their reputation in the world. The +ſituation of a woman ſeparated from +her huſband, is undoubtedly very different +from that of a man who has +left his wife. He, with lordly dignity, +has ſhaken of a clog; and the allowing +her food and raiment, is +thought ſufficient to ſecure his reputation +from taint. And, ſhould ſhe +have been inconſiderate, he will be +celebrated for his generoſity and forbearance. +Such is the reſpect paid to +the maſter-key of property! A wo<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-43_S" id="BPg_2-43_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-43.png">43</a>]</span>man, +on the contrary, reſigning what +is termed her natural protector (though +he never was ſo, but in name) is +deſpiſed and ſhunned, for aſſerting +the independence of mind diſtinctive +of a rational being, and ſpurning at +ſlavery.'</p> + +<p>"During the remainder of the evening, +my uncle's tenderneſs led him frequently +to revert to the ſubject, and +utter, with increaſing warmth, ſentiments +to the ſame purport. At length +it was neceſſary to ſay 'Farewell!'—and +we parted—gracious God! to meet no +more.</p> + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-44_S" id="BPg_2-44_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-44.png">44</a>]</span></p> +<h2><a name="BCHAP_XI_S" id="BCHAP_XI_S"></a>CHAP. XI.</h2> + + +<p>"<span class="smcap">A gentleman</span> of large fortune +and of poliſhed manners, had lately +viſited very frequently at our houſe, +and treated me, if poſſible, with more +reſpect than Mr. Venables paid him; +my pregnancy was not yet viſible, +his ſociety was a great relief to me, as +I had for ſome time paſt, to avoid expence, +confined myſelf very much at +home. I ever diſdained unneceſſary, +perhaps even prudent concealments; +and my huſband, with great eaſe, diſcovered +the amount of my uncle's parting +preſent. A copy of a writ was the +ſtale pretext to extort it from me; and +I had ſoon reaſon to believe that it was<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-45_S" id="BPg_2-45_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-45.png">45</a>]</span> +fabricated for the purpoſe. I acknowledge +my folly in thus ſuffering myſelf +to be continually impoſed on. I had +adhered to my reſolution not to apply +to my uncle, on the part of my huſband, +any more; yet, when I had received +a ſum ſufficient to ſupply my own +wants, and to enable me to purſue a +plan I had in view, to ſettle my younger +brother in a reſpectable employment, +I allowed myſelf to be duped by +Mr. Venables' ſhallow pretences, and +hypocritical profeſſions.</p> + +<p>"Thus did he pillage me and my +family, thus fruſtrate all my plans of +uſefulneſs. Yet this was the man I was +bound to reſpect and eſteem: as if reſpect +and eſteem depended on an arbitrary +will of our own! But a wife being +as much a man's property as his +horſe, or his aſs, ſhe has nothing ſhe<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-46_S" id="BPg_2-46_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-46.png">46</a>]</span> +can call her own. He may uſe any +means to get at what the law conſiders +as his, the moment his wife is in +poſſeſſion of it, even to the forcing of +a lock, as Mr. Venables did, to ſearch +for notes in my writing-deſk—and all +this is done with a ſhow of equity, becauſe, +forſooth, he is reſponſible for +her maintenance.</p> + +<p>"The tender mother cannot <i>lawfully</i> +ſnatch from the gripe of the +gambling ſpendthrift, or beaſtly +drunkard, unmindful of his offſpring, +the fortune which falls to her by +chance; or (ſo flagrant is the injuſtice) +what ſhe earns by her own exertions. +No; he can rob her with impunity, +even to waſte publicly on a courtezan; +and the laws of her country—if women +have a country—afford her no protection +or redreſs from the oppreſſor, un<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-47_S" id="BPg_2-47_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-47.png">47</a>]</span>leſs +ſhe have the plea of bodily fear; +yet how many ways are there of goading +the ſoul almoſt to madneſs, equally +unmanly, though not ſo mean? When +ſuch laws were framed, ſhould not +impartial lawgivers have firſt decreed, +in the ſtyle of a great aſſembly, who recognized +the exiſtence of an <i>être ſuprême</i>, +to fix the national belief, that +the huſband ſhould always be wiſer and +more virtuous than his wife, in order +to entitle him, with a ſhow of juſtice, +to keep this idiot, or perpetual minor, +for ever in bondage. But I muſt have +done—on this ſubject, my indignation +continually runs away with me.</p> + +<p>"The company of the gentleman I +have already mentioned, who had a +general acquaintance with literature +and ſubjects of taſte, was grateful to +me; my countenance brightened up as<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-48_S" id="BPg_2-48_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-48.png">48</a>]</span> +he approached, and I unaffectedly +expreſſed the pleaſure I felt. The +amuſement his converſation afforded +me, made it eaſy to comply with my +huſband's requeſt, to endeavour to render +our houſe agreeable to him.</p> + +<p>"His attentions became more +pointed; but, as I was not of the +number of women, whoſe virtue, as +it is termed, immediately takes alarm, +I endeavoured, rather by raillery than +ſerious expoſtulation, to give a different +turn to his converſation. He aſſumed a +new mode of attack, and I was, for a +while, the dupe of his pretended +friendſhip.</p> + +<p>"I had, merely in the ſtyle of <i>badinage</i>, +boaſted of my conqueſt, and repeated +his lover-like compliments to +my huſband. But he begged me, for +God's ſake, not to affront his friend, or<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-49_S" id="BPg_2-49_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-49.png">49</a>]</span> +I ſhould deſtroy all his projects, and be +his ruin. Had I had more affection for +my huſband, I ſhould have expreſſed +my contempt of this time-ſerving politeneſs: +now I imagined that I only +felt pity; yet it would have puzzled a +caſuiſt to point out in what the exact +difference conſiſted.</p> + +<p>"This friend began now, in confidence, +to diſcover to me the real ſtate +of my huſband's affairs. 'Neceſſity,' +ſaid Mr. S——; why ſhould I reveal +his name? for he affected to palliate the +conduct he could not excuſe, 'had +led him to take ſuch ſteps, by accommodation +bills, buying goods on credit, +to ſell them for ready money, and ſimilar +tranſactions, that his character in +the commercial world was gone. He +was conſidered,' he added, lowering +his voice, 'on 'Change as a ſwindler.'</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-50_S" id="BPg_2-50_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-50.png">50</a>]</span> +"I felt at that moment the firſt maternal +pang. Aware of the evils my +ſex have to ſtruggle with, I ſtill wiſhed, +for my own conſolation, to be the mother +of a daughter; and I could not +bear to think, that the <i>ſins</i> of her father's +entailed diſgrace, ſhould be added +to the ills to which woman is heir.</p> + +<p>"So completely was I deceived by +theſe ſhows of friendſhip (nay, I believe, +according to his interpretation, Mr. S— +really was my friend) that I began +to conſult him reſpecting the beſt mode +of retrieving my huſband's character: +it is the good name of a woman only +that ſets to riſe no more. I knew +not that he had been drawn into a +whirlpool, out of which he had not +the energy to attempt to eſcape. He +ſeemed indeed deſtitute of the power +of employing his faculties in any regu<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-51_S" id="BPg_2-51_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-51.png">51</a>]</span>lar +purſuit. His principles of action +were ſo looſe, and his mind ſo uncultivated, +that every thing like order appeared +to him in the ſhape of reſtraint; +and, like men in the ſavage ſtate, he +required the ſtrong ſtimulus of hope +or fear, produced by wild ſpeculations, +in which the intereſts of others went +for nothing, to keep his ſpirits awake. +He one time poſſeſſed patriotiſm, but +he knew not what it was to feel honeſt +indignation; and pretended to be an advocate +for liberty, when, with as little +affection for the human race as for individuals, +he thought of nothing but +his own gratification. He was juſt +ſuch a citizen, as a father. The ſums +he adroitly obtained by a violation of +the laws of his country, as well as +thoſe of humanity, he would allow a +miſtreſs to ſquander; though ſhe was,<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-52_S" id="BPg_2-52_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-52.png">52</a>]</span> +with the ſame <i>ſang froid</i>, conſigned, as +were his children, to poverty, when +another proved more attractive.</p> + +<p>"On various pretences, his friend +continued to viſit me; and, obſerving +my want of money, he tried to induce +me to accept of pecuniary aid; but this +offer I abſolutely rejected, though it +was made with ſuch delicacy, I could +not be diſpleaſed.</p> + +<p>"One day he came, as I thought +accidentally, to dinner. My huſband +was very much engaged in buſineſs, +and quitted the room ſoon after the +cloth was removed. We converſed as +uſual, till confidential advice led again +to love. I was extremely mortified. +I had a ſincere regard for him, and +hoped that he had an equal friendſhip +for me. I therefore began mildly to +expoſtulate with him. This gentle<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-53_S" id="BPg_2-53_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-53.png">53</a>]</span>neſs +he miſtook for coy encouragement; +and he would not be diverted +from the ſubject. Perceiving his miſtake, +I ſeriouſly aſked him how, uſing +ſuch language to me, he could profeſs +to be my huſband's friend? A ſignificant +ſneer excited my curioſity, and he, +ſuppoſing this to be my only ſcruple, +took a letter deliberately out of his +pocket, ſaying, 'Your huſband's honour +is not inflexible. How could you, +with your diſcernment, think it ſo? +Why, he left the room this very day +on purpoſe to give me an opportunity +to explain myſelf; <i>he</i> thought me too +timid—too tardy.<ins class="err" title="Transcriber's Note: added miſſing quotation mark">'</ins></p> + +<p>"I ſnatched the letter with indeſcribable +emotion. The purport of it +was to invite him to dinner, and to ridicule +his chivalrous reſpect for me. +He aſſured him, 'that every woman had<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-54_S" id="BPg_2-54_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-54.png">54</a>]</span> +her price, and, with groſs indecency, +hinted, that he ſhould be glad to have +the duty of a huſband taken off his +hands. Theſe he termed <i>liberal ſentiments</i>. +He adviſed him not to ſhock my +romantic notions, but to attack my +credulous generoſity, and weak pity; +and concluded with requeſting him to +lend him five hundred pounds for a +month or ſix weeks.' I read this letter +twice over; and the firm purpoſe it inſpired, +calmed the riſing tumult of my +ſoul. I roſe deliberately, requeſted +Mr. S—— to wait a moment, and inſtantly +going into the counting-houſe, +deſired Mr. Venables to return with me +to the dining-parlour.</p> + +<p>"He laid down his pen, and entered +with me, without obſerving any change +in my countenance. I ſhut the door, +and, giving him the letter, ſimply<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-55_S" id="BPg_2-55_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-55.png">55</a>]</span> +aſked, 'whether he wrote it, or was it +a forgery?'</p> + +<p>"Nothing could equal his confuſion. +His friend's eye met his, and +he muttered ſomething about a joke—But +I interrupted him—'It is ſufficient—We +part for ever.'</p> + +<p>"I continued, with ſolemnity, 'I +have borne with your tyranny and infidelities. +I diſdain to utter what I +have borne with. I thought you unprincipled, +but not ſo decidedly +vicious. I formed a tie, in the ſight of +heaven—I have held it ſacred; even +when men, more conformable to my +taſte, have made me feel—I deſpiſe all +ſubterfuge!—that I was not dead to +love. Neglected by you, I have reſolutely +ſtifled the enticing emotions, and +reſpected the plighted faith you outraged. +And you dare now to inſult<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-56_S" id="BPg_2-56_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-56.png">56</a>]</span> +me, by ſelling me to proſtitution!—Yes—equally +loſt to delicacy and principle—you +dared ſacrilegiouſly to barter +the honour of the mother of your +child.'</p> + +<p>"Then, turning to Mr. S——, I +added, 'I call on you, Sir, to witneſs,' +and I lifted my hands and eyes to heaven, +'that, as ſolemnly as I took his +name, I now abjure it,' I pulled off my +ring, and put it on the table; 'and that +I mean immediately to quit his houſe, +never to enter it more. I will provide +for myſelf and child. I leave him as +free as I am determined to be myſelf—he +ſhall be anſwerable for no debts of +mine.'</p> + +<p>"Aſtoniſhment cloſed their lips, till +Mr. Venables, gently puſhing his +friend, with a forced ſmile, out of the +room, nature for a moment prevailed,<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-57_S" id="BPg_2-57_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-57.png">57</a>]</span> +and, appearing like himſelf, he turned +round, burning with rage, to me: +but there was no terror in the frown, +excepting when contraſted with the +malignant ſmile which preceded it. +He bade me 'leave the houſe at my +peril; told me he deſpiſed my threats; +I had no reſource; I could not ſwear the +peace againſt him!—I was not afraid of +my life!—he had never ſtruck me!'</p> + +<p>"He threw the letter in the fire, +which I had incautiouſly left in his +hands; and, quitting the room, locked +the door on me.</p> + +<p>"When left alone, I was a moment +or two before I could recollect myſelf. +One ſcene had ſucceeded another with +ſuch rapidity, I almoſt doubted whether +I was reflecting on a real event. +'Was it poſſible? Was I, indeed, +free?'—Yes; free I termed myſelf,<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-58_S" id="BPg_2-58_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-58.png">58</a>]</span> +when I decidedly perceived the conduct +I ought to adopt. How had I panted +for liberty—liberty, that I would have +purchaſed at any price, but that of my +own eſteem! I roſe, and ſhook myſelf; +opened the window, and methought +the air never ſmelled ſo ſweet. The face +of heaven grew fairer as I viewed it, +and the clouds ſeemed to flit away obedient +to my wiſhes, to give my ſoul +room to expand. I was all ſoul, and +(wild as it may appear) felt as if I +could have diſſolved in the ſoft balmy +gale that kiſſed my cheek, or have +glided below the horizon on the glowing, +deſcending beams. A ſeraphic ſatiſfaction +animated, without agitating +my ſpirits; and my imagination collected, +in viſions ſublimely terrible, or +ſoothingly beautiful, an immenſe variety +of the endleſs images, which nature<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-59_S" id="BPg_2-59_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-59.png">59</a>]</span> +affords, and fancy combines, of the +grand and fair. The luſtre of theſe +bright pictureſque ſketches faded with +the ſetting ſun; but I was ſtill alive to +the calm delight they had diffuſed +through my heart.</p> + +<p>"There may be advocates for matrimonial +obedience, who, making a diſtinction +between the duty of a wife and +of a human being, may blame my conduct.—To +them I write not—my feelings +are not for them to analyze; and +may you, my child, never be able to +aſcertain, by heart-rending experience, +what your mother felt before the preſent +emancipation of her mind!</p> + +<p>"I began to write a letter to my father, +after cloſing one to my uncle; +not to aſk advice, but to ſignify my determination; +when I was interrupted +by the entrance of Mr. Venables. His<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-60_S" id="BPg_2-60_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-60.png">60</a>]</span> +manner was changed. His views on +my uncle's fortune made him averſe to +my quitting his houſe, or he would, I +am convinced, have been glad to have +ſhaken off even the ſlight reſtraint my +preſence impoſed on him; the reſtraint +of ſhowing me ſome reſpect. So far +from having an affection for me, he +really hated me, becauſe he was convinced +that I muſt deſpiſe him.</p> + +<p>"He told me, that, 'As I now had +had time to cool and reflect, he did not +doubt but that my prudence, and nice +ſenſe of propriety, would lead me to +overlook what was paſſed.'</p> + +<p>"'Reflection,' I replied, 'had only +confirmed my purpoſe, and no power +on earth could divert me from it.'</p> + +<p>"Endeavouring to aſſume a ſoothing +voice and look, when he would willingly +have tortured me, to force me to<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-61_S" id="BPg_2-61_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-61.png">61</a>]</span> +feel his power, his countenance had an +infernal expreſſion, when he deſired me, +'Not to expoſe myſelf to the ſervants, +by obliging him to confine me in my +apartment; if then I would give my +promiſe not to quit the houſe precipitately, +I ſhould be free—and—.' I declared, +interrupting him, 'that I would +promiſe nothing. I had no meaſures +to keep with him—I was reſolved, and +would not condeſcend to ſubterfuge.'</p> + +<p>"He muttered, 'that I ſhould ſoon +repent of theſe prepoſterous airs;' and, +ordering tea to be carried into my little +ſtudy, which had a communication with +my bed-chamber, he once more locked +the door upon me, and left me to my +own meditations. I had paſſively followed +him up ſtairs, not wiſhing to fatigue +myſelf with unavailing exertion.</p> + +<p>"Nothing calms the mind like a<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-62_S" id="BPg_2-62_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-62.png">62</a>]</span> +fixed purpoſe. I felt as if I had heaved +a thouſand weight from my heart; the +atmoſphere ſeemed lightened; and, if +I execrated the inſtitutions of ſociety, +which thus enable men to tyrannize +over women, it was almoſt a diſintereſted +ſentiment. I diſregarded preſent +inconveniences, when my mind had +done ſtruggling with itſelf,—when reaſon +and inclination had ſhaken hands +and were at peace. I had no longer +the cruel taſk before me, in endleſs perſpective, +aye, during the tedious +for ever of life, of labouring to +overcome my repugnance—of labouring +to extinguiſh the hopes, the maybes +of a lively imagination. Death I +had hailed as my only chance for deliverance; +but, while exiſtence had ſtill +ſo many charms, and life promiſed +happineſs, I ſhrunk from the icy arms<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-63_S" id="BPg_2-63_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-63.png">63</a>]</span> +of an unknown tyrant, though far more +inviting than thoſe of the man, to whom I +ſuppoſed myſelf bound without any other +alternative; and was content to linger +a little longer, waiting for I knew not +what, rather than leave 'the warm +precincts of the cheerful day,' and all +the unenjoyed affection of my nature.</p> + +<p>"My preſent ſituation gave a new +turn to my reflection; and I wondered +(now the film ſeemed to be withdrawn, +that obſcured the piercing ſight of reaſon) +how I could, previouſly to the deciding +outrage, have conſidered myſelf +as everlaſtingly united to vice and folly? +'Had an evil genius caſt a ſpell at my +birth; or a demon ſtalked out of chaos, +to perplex my underſtanding, and enchain +my will, with deluſive prejudices?'</p> + +<p>"I purſued this train of thinking; it<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-64_S" id="BPg_2-64_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-64.png">64</a>]</span> +led me out of myſelf, to expatiate on +the miſery peculiar to my ſex. 'Are +not,' I thought, 'the deſpots for ever +ſtigmatized, who, in the wantonneſs of +power, commanded even the moſt atrocious +criminals to be chained to dead +bodies? though ſurely thoſe laws are +much more inhuman, which forge adamantine +fetters to bind minds together, +that never can mingle in ſocial communion! +What indeed can equal the +wretchedneſs of that ſtate, in which +there is no alternative, but to extinguiſh +the affections, or encounter infamy?'</p> + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-65_S" id="BPg_2-65_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-65.png">65</a>]</span></p> +<h2><a name="BCHAP_XII_S" id="BCHAP_XII_S"></a>CHAP. XII.</h2> + + +<p>"<span class="smcap">Towards</span> midnight Mr. Venables +entered my chamber; and, with +calm audacity preparing to go to bed, +he bade me make haſte, 'for that was +the beſt place for huſbands and wives +to end their differences. He had been +drinking plentifully to aid his courage.</p> + +<p>"I did not at firſt deign to reply. +But perceiving that he affected to take +my ſilence for conſent, I told him that, +'If he would not go to another bed, or +allow me, I ſhould ſit up in my ſtudy +all night.' He attempted to pull me +into the chamber, half joking. But I +reſiſted; and, as he had determined not +to give me any reaſon for ſaying that +he uſed violence, after a few more ef<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-66_S" id="BPg_2-66_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-66.png">66</a>]</span>forts, +he retired, curſing my obſtinacy, +to bed.</p> + +<p>"I ſat muſing ſome time longer; then, +throwing my cloak around me, prepared +for ſleep on a ſopha. And, ſo fortunate +ſeemed my deliverance, ſo ſacred +the pleaſure of being thus wrapped up +in myſelf, that I ſlept profoundly, and +woke with a mind compoſed to encounter +the ſtruggles of the day. Mr. +Venables did not wake till ſome hours +after; and then he came to me half-dreſſed, +yawning and ſtretching, with +haggard eyes, as if he ſcarcely recollected +what had paſſed the preceding +evening. He fixed his eyes on me for +a moment, then, calling me a fool, +aſked 'How long I intended to continue +this pretty farce? For his part, he +was deviliſh ſick of it; but this was the +plague of marrying women who pretended +to know ſomething.'</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-67_S" id="BPg_2-67_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-67.png">67</a>]</span> +"I made no other reply to this harangue, +than to ſay, 'That he ought to +be glad to get rid of a woman ſo unfit +to be his companion—and that any +change in my conduct would be mean +diſſimulation; for maturer reflection +only gave the ſacred ſeal of reaſon to +my firſt reſolution.'</p> + +<p>"He looked as if he could have +ſtamped with impatience, at being +obliged to ſtifle his rage; but, conquering +his anger (for weak people, whoſe +paſſions ſeem the moſt ungovernable, +reſtrain them with the greateſt eaſe, +when they have a ſufficient motive), he +exclaimed, 'Very pretty, upon my +ſoul! very pretty, theatrical flouriſhes! +Pray, fair Roxana, ſtoop from your altitudes, +and remember that you are +acting a part in real life.'</p> + +<p>"He uttered this ſpeech with a ſelf-<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-68_S" id="BPg_2-68_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-68.png">68</a>]</span>ſatiſfied +air, and went down ſtairs to +dreſs.</p> + +<p>"In about an hour he came to me +again; and in the ſame tone ſaid, 'That +he came as my gentleman-uſher to hand +me down to breakfaſt.</p> + +<p>"'Of the black rod?' aſked I.</p> + +<p>"This queſtion, and the tone in +which I aſked it, a little diſconcerted +him. To ſay the truth, I now felt no +reſentment; my firm reſolution to free +myſelf from my ignoble thraldom, had +abſorbed the various emotions which, +during ſix years, had racked my ſoul. +The duty pointed out by my principles +ſeemed clear; and not one tender feeling +intruded to make me ſwerve: The +diſlike which my huſband had inſpired +was ſtrong; but it only led me to wiſh +to avoid, to wiſh to let him drop out of +my memory; there was no miſery, no<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-69_S" id="BPg_2-69_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-69.png">69</a>]</span> +torture that I would not deliberately +have choſen, rather than renew my +leaſe of ſervitude.</p> + +<p>"During the breakfaſt, he attempted +to reaſon with me on the folly of romantic +ſentiments; for this was the indiſcriminate +epithet he gave to every +mode of conduct or thinking ſuperior +to his own. He aſſerted, 'that all the +world were governed by their own intereſt; +thoſe who pretended to be actuated +by different motives, were only +deeper knaves, or fools crazed by books, +who took for goſpel all the rodomantade +nonſenſe written by men who +knew nothing of the world. For his +part, he thanked God, he was no hypocrite; +and, if he ſtretched a point +ſometimes, it was always with an intention +of paying every man his own.'</p> + +<p>"He then artfully inſinuated, 'that<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-70_S" id="BPg_2-70_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-70.png">70</a>]</span> +he daily expected a veſſel to arrive, a +ſucceſſful ſpeculation, that would make +him eaſy for the preſent, and that he +had ſeveral other ſchemes actually depending, +that could not fail. He had +no doubt of becoming rich in a few +years, though he had been thrown back +by ſome unlucky adventures at the ſetting +out.'</p> + +<p>"I mildly replied, 'That I wiſhed he +might not involve himſelf ſtill deeper.'</p> + +<p>"He had no notion that I was governed +by a deciſion of judgment, not +to be compared with a mere ſpurt of +reſentment. He knew not what it was +to feel indignation againſt vice, and +often boaſted of his placable temper, +and readineſs to forgive injuries. True; +for he only conſidered the being deceived, +as an effort of ſkill he had not +guarded againſt; and then, with a cant<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-71_S" id="BPg_2-71_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-71.png">71</a>]</span> +of candour, would obſerve, 'that he +did not know how he might himſelf +have been tempted to act in the ſame +circumſtances.' And, as his heart +never opened to friendſhip, it never was +wounded by diſappointment. Every +new acquaintance he proteſted, it is +true, was 'the clevereſt fellow in the +world;<ins class="err" title="Transcriber's Note: added miſſing quotation mark">'</ins> and he really thought ſo; till +the novelty of his converſation or manners +ceaſed to have any effect on his +ſluggiſh ſpirits. His reſpect for rank or +fortune was more permanent, though +he chanced to have no deſign of availing +himſelf of the influence of either +to promote his own views.</p> + +<p>"After a prefatory converſation,—my +blood (I thought it had been cooler) +fluſhed over my whole countenance as +he ſpoke—he alluded to my ſituation. +He deſired me to reflect—'and act like<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-72_S" id="BPg_2-72_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-72.png">72</a>]</span> +a prudent woman, as the beſt proof of +my ſuperior underſtanding; for he muſt +own I had ſenſe, did I know how to +uſe it. I was not,' he laid a ſtreſs on +his words, 'without my paſſions; and +a huſband was a convenient cloke.—He +was liberal in his way of thinking; +and why might not we, like many other +married people, who were above vulgar +prejudices, tacitly conſent to let +each other follow their own inclination?—He +meant nothing more, in the +letter I made the ground of complaint; +and the pleaſure which I ſeemed to +take in Mr. S.'s company, led him to +conclude, that he was not diſagreeable +to me.'</p> + +<p>"A clerk brought in the letters of +the day, and I, as I often did, while +he was diſcuſſing ſubjects of buſineſs, +went to the <i>piano forte</i>, and began to<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-73_S" id="BPg_2-73_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-73.png">73</a>]</span> +play a favourite air to reſtore myſelf, +as it were, to nature, and drive the +ſophiſticated ſentiments I had juſt been +obliged to liſten to, out of my ſoul.</p> + +<p>"They had excited ſenſations ſimilar +to thoſe I have felt, in viewing the ſqualid +inhabitants of ſome of the lanes and +back ſtreets of the metropolis, mortified +at being compelled to conſider +them as my fellow-creatures, as if an +ape had claimed kindred with me. Or, +as when ſurrounded by a mephitical fog, +I have wiſhed to have a volley of cannon +fired, to clear the incumbered atmoſphere, +and give me room to breathe +and move.</p> + +<p>"My ſpirits were all in arms, and I +played a kind of extemporary prelude. +The cadence was probably wild and +impaſſioned, while, loſt in thought, I<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-74_S" id="BPg_2-74_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-74.png">74</a>]</span> +made the ſounds a kind of echo to my +train of thinking.</p> + +<p>"Pauſing for a moment, I met Mr. +Venables' eyes. He was obſerving me +with an air of conceited ſatiſfaction, as +much as to ſay—'My laſt inſinuation +has done the buſineſs—ſhe begins to +know her own intereſt.' Then gathering +up his letters, he ſaid, 'That +he hoped he ſhould hear no more romantic +ſtuff, well enough in a miſs +juſt come from boarding ſchool;' and +went, as was his cuſtom, to the counting-houſe. +I ſtill continued playing; +and, turning to a ſprightly leſſon, I +executed it with uncommon vivacity. +I heard footſteps approach the door, +and was ſoon convinced that Mr. Venables +was liſtening; the conſciouſneſs +only gave more animation to my +fingers. He went down into the kit<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-75_S" id="BPg_2-75_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-75.png">75</a>]</span>chen, +and the cook, probably by his +deſire, came to me, to know what I +would pleaſe to order for dinner. Mr. +Venables came into the parlour again, +with apparent careleſſneſs. I perceived +that the cunning man was over-reaching +himſelf; and I gave my directions +as uſual, and left the room.</p> + +<p>"While I was making ſome alteration +in my dreſs, Mr. Venables peeped +in, and, begging my pardon for interrupting +me, diſappeared. I took +up ſome work (I could not read), and +two or three meſſages were ſent to me, +probably for no other purpoſe, but to +enable Mr. Venables to aſcertain what +I was about.</p> + +<p>"I liſtened whenever I heard the +ſtreet-door open; at laſt I imagined I +could diſtinguiſh Mr. Venables' ſtep, +going out. I laid aſide my work; my<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-76_S" id="BPg_2-76_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-76.png">76</a>]</span> +heart palpitated; ſtill I was afraid +haſtily to enquire; and I waited a long +half hour, before I ventured to aſk the +boy whether his maſter was in the +counting-houſe?</p> + +<p>"Being anſwered in the negative, +I bade him call me a coach, and collecting +a few neceſſaries haſtily together, +with a little parcel of letters and +papers which I had collected the preceding +evening, I hurried into it, deſiring +the coachman to drive to a diſtant +part of the town.</p> + +<p>"I almoſt feared that the coach +would break down before I got out of +the ſtreet; and, when I turned the +corner, I ſeemed to breathe a freer air. +I was ready to imagine that I was riſing +above the thick atmoſphere of earth; +or I felt, as wearied ſouls might be ſup<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-77_S" id="BPg_2-77_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-77.png">77</a>]</span>poſed +to feel on entering another ſtate +of exiſtence.</p> + +<p>"I ſtopped at one or two ſtands of +coaches to elude purſuit, and then +drove round the ſkirts of the town to +ſeek for an obſcure lodging, where I +wiſhed to remain concealed, till I could +avail myſelf of my uncle's protection. +I had reſolved to aſſume my own name +immediately, and openly to avow my +determination, without any formal vindication, +the moment I had found a +home, in which I could reſt free from +the daily alarm of expecting to ſee +Mr. Venables enter.</p> + +<p>"I looked at ſeveral lodgings; but +finding that I could not, without a reference +to ſome acquaintance, who +might inform my tyrant, get admittance +into a decent apartment—men +have not all this trouble—I thought of<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-78_S" id="BPg_2-78_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-78.png">78</a>]</span> +a woman whom I had aſſiſted to furniſh +a little haberdaſher's ſhop, and +who I knew had a firſt floor to let.</p> + +<p>"I went to her, and though I could +not perſuade her, that the quarrel between +me and Mr. Venables would +never be made up, ſtill ſhe agreed to +conceal me for the preſent; yet aſſuring +me at the ſame time, ſhaking her +head, that, when a woman was once +married, ſhe muſt bear every thing. +Her pale face, on which appeared a +thouſand haggard lines and delving +wrinkles, produced by what is emphatically +termed fretting, inforced +her remark; and I had afterwards an +opportunity of obſerving the treatment +ſhe had to endure, which grizzled her +into patience. She toiled from morning +till night; yet her huſband would rob +the till, and take away the money re<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-79_S" id="BPg_2-79_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-79.png">79</a>]</span>ſerved +for paying bills; and, returning +home drunk, he would beat her if ſhe +chanced to offend him, though ſhe had +a child at the breaſt.</p> + +<p>"Theſe ſcenes awoke me at night; +and, in the morning, I heard her, as +uſual, talk to her dear Johnny—he, +forſooth, was her maſter; no ſlave in +the Weſt Indies had one more deſpotic; +but fortunately ſhe was of the +true Ruſſian breed of wives.</p> + +<p>"My mind, during the few paſt +days, ſeemed, as it were, diſengaged +from my body; but, now the ſtruggle +was over, I felt very forcibly the effect +which perturbation of ſpirits produces +on a woman in my ſituation.</p> + +<p>"The apprehenſion of a miſcarriage, +obliged me to confine myſelf to +my apartment near a fortnight; but +I wrote to my uncle's friend for money,<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-80_S" id="BPg_2-80_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-80.png">80</a>]</span> +promiſing 'to call on him, and explain +my ſituation, when I was well enough +to go out; mean time I earneſtly intreated +him, not to mention my place of +abode to any one, leſt my huſband—ſuch +the law conſidered him—ſhould +diſturb the mind he could not conquer. +I mentioned my intention of ſetting out +for Liſbon, to claim my uncle's protection, +the moment my health would +permit.'</p> + +<p>"The tranquillity however, which +I was recovering, was ſoon interrupted. +My landlady came up to me one +day, with eyes ſwollen with weeping, +unable to utter what ſhe was commanded +to ſay. She declared, 'That +ſhe was never ſo miſerable in her life; +that ſhe muſt appear an ungrateful +monſter; and that ſhe would readily +go down on her knees to me, to intreat<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-81_S" id="BPg_2-81_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-81.png">81</a>]</span> +me to forgive her, as ſhe had done to +her huſband to ſpare her the cruel +taſk.' Sobs prevented her from proceeding, +or anſwering my impatient +enquiries, to know what ſhe meant.</p> + +<p>"When ſhe became a little more +compoſed, ſhe took a newſpaper out of +her pocket, declaring, 'that her heart +ſmote her, but what could ſhe do?—ſhe +muſt obey her huſband.' I ſnatched +the paper from her. An advertiſement +quickly met my eye, purporting, +that 'Maria Venables had, without +any aſſignable cauſe, abſconded from +her huſband; and any perſon harbouring +her, was menaced with the utmoſt +ſeverity of the law.'</p> + +<p>"Perfectly acquainted with Mr. +Venables' meanneſs of ſoul, this ſtep +did not excite my ſurpriſe, and ſcarcely +my contempt. Reſentment in my<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-82_S" id="BPg_2-82_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-82.png">82</a>]</span> +breaſt, never ſurvived love. I bade +the poor woman, in a kind tone, wipe +her eyes, and requeſt her huſband to +come up, and ſpeak to me himſelf.</p> + +<p>"My manner awed him. He reſpected +a lady, though not a woman; +and began to mutter out an apology.</p> + +<p>"'Mr. Venables was a rich gentleman; +he wiſhed to oblige me, but he +had ſuffered enough by the law already, +to tremble at the thought; +beſides, for certain, we ſhould come +together again, and then even I ſhould +not thank him for being acceſſary to +keeping us aſunder.—A huſband and +wife were, God knows, juſt as one,—and +all would come round at laſt.' He +uttered a drawling 'Hem!' and then +with an arch look, added—'Maſter +might have had his little frolics—but<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-83_S" id="BPg_2-83_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-83.png">83</a>]</span>—Lord +bleſs your heart!—men would +be men while the world ſtands.'</p> + +<p>"To argue with this privileged firſt-born +of reaſon, I perceived, would be +vain. I therefore only requeſted him to +let me remain another day at his houſe, +while I ſought for a lodging; and not +to inform Mr. Venables that I had ever +been ſheltered there.</p> + +<p>"He conſented, becauſe he had not +the courage to refuſe a perſon for whom +he had an habitual reſpect; but I heard +the pent-up choler burſt forth in curſes, +when he met his wife, who was waiting +impatiently at the foot of the ſtairs, +to know what effect my expoſtulations +would have on him.</p> + +<p>"Without waſting any time in the +fruitleſs indulgence of vexation, I once +more ſet out in ſearch of an abode in<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-84_S" id="BPg_2-84_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-84.png">84</a>]</span> +which I could hide myſelf for a few +weeks.</p> + +<p>"Agreeing to pay an exorbitant +price, I hired an apartment, without +any reference being required relative +to my character: indeed, a glance +at my ſhape ſeemed to ſay, that my +motive for concealment was ſufficiently +obvious. Thus was I obliged to ſhroud +my head in infamy.</p> + +<p>"To avoid all danger of detection—I +uſe the appropriate word, my child, +for I was hunted out like a felon—I +determined to take poſſeſſion of my +new lodgings that very evening.</p> + +<p>"I did not inform my landlady +where I was going. I knew that ſhe +had a ſincere affection for me, and +would willingly have run any riſk to +ſhow her gratitude; yet I was fully convinced, +that a few kind words from<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-85_S" id="BPg_2-85_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-85.png">85</a>]</span> +Johnny would have found the woman +in her, and her dear benefactreſs, as +ſhe termed me in an agony of tears, +would have been ſacrificed, to recompenſe +her tyrant for condeſcending to +treat her like an equal. He could be +kind-hearted, as ſhe expreſſed it, when +he pleaſed. And this thawed ſternneſs, +contraſted with his habitual brutality, +was the more acceptable, and +could not be purchaſed at too dear a +rate.</p> + +<p>"The ſight of the advertiſement +made me deſirous of taking refuge with +my uncle, let what would be the conſequence; +and I repaired in a hackney +coach (afraid of meeting ſome perſon +who might chance to know me, had I +walked) to the chambers of my uncle's +friend.</p> + +<p>"He received me with great polite<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-86_S" id="BPg_2-86_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-86.png">86</a>]</span>neſs +(my uncle had already prepoſſeſſed +him in my favour), and liſtened, with +intereſt, to my explanation of the +motives which had induced me to fly +from home, and ſkulk in obſcurity, +with all the timidity of fear that ought +only to be the companion of guilt. He +lamented, with rather more gallantry +than, in my ſituation, I thought delicate, +that ſuch a woman ſhould be +thrown away on a man inſenſible to the +charms of beauty or grace. He ſeemed +at a loſs what to adviſe me to do, to +evade my huſband's ſearch, without +haſtening to my uncle, whom, he heſitating +ſaid, I might not find alive. He +uttered this intelligence with viſible +regret; requeſted me, at leaſt, to wait +for the arrival of the next packet; offered +me what money I wanted, and +promiſed to viſit me.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-87_S" id="BPg_2-87_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-87.png">87</a>]</span> +"He kept his word; ſtill no letter +arrived to put an end to my painful +ſtate of ſuſpenſe. I procured ſome +books and muſic, to beguile the tedious +ſolitary days.</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">'Come, ever ſmiling Liberty,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">'And with thee bring thy jocund train:'<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>I ſung—and ſung till, ſaddened by the +ſtrain of joy, I bitterly lamented the +fate that deprived me of all ſocial pleaſure. +Comparative liberty indeed I +had poſſeſſed myſelf of; but the jocund +train lagged far behind!</p> + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-88_S" id="BPg_2-88_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-88.png">88</a>]</span></p> +<h2><a name="BCHAP_XIII_S" id="BCHAP_XIII_S"></a>CHAP. XIII.</h2> + + +<p>"<span class="smcap">By</span> watching my only viſitor, my +uncle's friend, or by ſome other means, +Mr. Venables diſcovered my reſidence, +and came to enquire for me. The +maid-ſervant aſſured him there was no +ſuch perſon in the houſe. A buſtle +enſued—I caught the alarm—liſtened—diſtinguiſhed +his voice, and immediately +locked the door. They ſuddenly +grew ſtill; and I waited near a +quarter of an hour, before I heard him +open the parlour door, and mount the +ſtairs with the miſtreſs of the houſe, +who obſequiouſly declared that ſhe +knew nothing of me.</p> + +<p>"Finding my door locked, ſhe requeſted +me to 'open it, and prepare to<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-89_S" id="BPg_2-89_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-89.png">89</a>]</span> +go home with my huſband, poor gentleman! +to whom I had already occaſioned +ſufficient vexation.' I made no +reply. Mr. Venables then, in an aſſumed +tone of ſoftneſs, intreated me, +'to conſider what he ſuffered, and my +own reputation, and get the better of +childiſh reſentment.' He ran on in +the ſame ſtrain, pretending to addreſs +me, but evidently adapting his diſcourſe +to the capacity of the landlady; +who, at every pauſe, uttered an exclamation +of pity; or 'Yes, to be ſure—Very +true, ſir.'</p> + +<p>"Sick of the farce, and perceiving +that I could not avoid the hated interview, +I opened the door, and he entered. +Advancing with eaſy aſſurance +to take my hand, I ſhrunk from his +touch, with an involuntary ſtart, as I +ſhould have done from a noiſome reptile,<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-90_S" id="BPg_2-90_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-90.png">90</a>]</span> +with more diſguſt than terror. His +conductreſs was retiring, to give us, as +ſhe ſaid, an opportunity to accommodate +matters. But I bade her come in, +or I would go out; and curioſity impelled +her to obey me.</p> + +<p>"Mr. Venables began to expoſtulate; +and this woman, proud of his +confidence, to ſecond him. But I +calmly ſilenced her, in the midſt of a +vulgar harangue, and turning to him, +aſked, 'Why he vainly tormented me? +declaring that no power on earth +ſhould force me back to his houſe.'</p> + +<p>"After a long altercation, the particulars +of which, it would be to no +purpoſe to repeat, he left the room. +Some time was ſpent in loud converſation +in the parlour below, and I +diſcovered that he had brought his +friend, an attorney, with him.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-91_S" id="BPg_2-91_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-91.png">91</a>]</span></p> +<p class="sp">* * * * * * * * * * * *</p> +<p class="sp">* * * * * * * * * * * *</p> +<p>*       *       The tumult on the landing +place, brought out a gentleman, who +had recently taken apartments in the +houſe; he enquired why I was thus +aſſailed<a name="BFNanchor_91-A_7_S" id="BFNanchor_91-A_7_S"></a><a href="#BFootnote_91-A_7_S" class="fnanchor">[91-A]</a>? The voluble attorney inſtantly +repeated the trite tale. The +ſtranger turned to me, obſerving,<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-92_S" id="BPg_2-92_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-92.png">92</a>]</span> +with the moſt ſoothing politeneſs and +manly intereſt, that 'my countenance +told a very different ſtory.' He added, +'that I ſhould not be inſulted, or +forced out of the houſe, by any body.'</p> + +<p>"'Not by her huſband?' aſked the +attorney.</p> + +<p>"'No, ſir, not by her huſband.' Mr. +Venables advanced towards him—But +there was a deciſion in his attitude, +that ſo well ſeconded that of his voice,</p> +<p class="sp">* * * * * * * * * * * *</p> +<p class="sp">* * * * * * * * * * * *</p> +<p>*       *       They left the houſe: at +the ſame time proteſting, that any one +that ſhould dare to protect me, ſhould +be proſecuted with the utmoſt rigour.</p> + +<p>"They were ſcarcely out of the +houſe, when my landlady came up to +me again, and begged my pardon, in +a very different tone. For, though<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-93_S" id="BPg_2-93_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-93.png">93</a>]</span> +Mr. Venables had bid her, at her peril, +harbour me, he had not attended, I +found, to her broad hints, to diſcharge +the lodging. I inſtantly promiſed to +pay her, and make her a preſent to +compenſate for my abrupt departure, +if ſhe would procure me another lodging, +at a ſufficient diſtance; and ſhe, in +return, repeating Mr. Venables' plauſible +tale, I raiſed her indignation, and +excited her ſympathy, by telling her +briefly the truth.</p> + +<p>"She expreſſed her commiſeration +with ſuch honeſt warmth, that I felt +ſoothed; for I have none of that faſtidious +ſenſitiveneſs, which a vulgar accent +or geſture can alarm to the diſregard +of real kindneſs. I was ever glad +to perceive in others the humane feelings +I delighted to exerciſe; and the +recollection of ſome ridiculous charac<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-94_S" id="BPg_2-94_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-94.png">94</a>]</span>teriſtic +circumſtances, which have occurred +in a moment of emotion, has +convulſed me with laughter, though +at the inſtant I ſhould have thought it +ſacrilegious to have ſmiled. Your improvement, +my deareſt girl, being ever +preſent to me while I write, I note +theſe feelings, becauſe women, more +accuſtomed to obſerve manners than +actions, are too much alive to ridicule. +So much ſo, that their boaſted ſenſibility +is often ſtifled by falſe delicacy. +True ſenſibility, the ſenſibility which +is the auxiliary of virtue, and the ſoul +of genius, is in ſociety ſo occupied +with the feelings of others, as ſcarcely +to regard its own ſenſations. With +what reverence have I looked up at my +uncle, the dear parent of my mind! +when I have ſeen the ſenſe of his own +ſufferings, of mind and body, abſorbed<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-95_S" id="BPg_2-95_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-95.png">95</a>]</span> +in a deſire to comfort thoſe, whoſe miſfortunes +were comparatively trivial. +He would have been aſhamed of being +as indulgent to himſelf, as he was to +others. 'Genuine fortitude,' he would +aſſert, 'conſiſted in governing our own +emotions, and making allowance for +the weakneſſes in our friends, that we +would not tolerate in ourſelves.' But +where is my fond regret leading me!</p> + +<p>"'Women muſt be ſubmiſſive,' ſaid +my landlady. 'Indeed what could +moſt women do? Who had they to +maintain them, but their huſbands? +Every woman, and eſpecially a lady, +could not go through rough and +ſmooth, as ſhe had done, to earn a little +bread.'</p> + +<p>"She was in a talking mood, and +proceeded to inform me how ſhe had +been uſed in the world. 'She knew<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-96_S" id="BPg_2-96_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-96.png">96</a>]</span> +what it was to have a bad huſband, or +ſhe did not know who ſhould.' I perceived +that ſhe would be very much +mortified, were I not to attend to her +tale, and I did not attempt to interrupt +her, though I wiſhed her, as ſoon +as poſſible, to go out in ſearch of a new +abode for me, where I could once more +hide my head.</p> + +<p>"She began by telling me, 'That +ſhe had ſaved a little money in ſervice; +and was over-perſuaded (we muſt all +be in love once in our lives) to marry a +likely man, a footman in the family, +not worth a groat. My plan,' ſhe continued, +'was to take a houſe, and let +out lodgings; and all went on well, +till my huſband got acquainted with +an impudent ſlut, who choſe to live on +other people's means—and then all +went to rack and ruin. He ran in<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-97_S" id="BPg_2-97_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-97.png">97</a>]</span> +debt to buy her fine clothes, ſuch +clothes as I never thought of wearing +myſelf, and—would you believe it?—he +ſigned an execution on my very +goods, bought with the money I +worked ſo hard to get; and they came +and took my bed from under me, before +I heard a word of the matter. +Aye, madam, theſe are miſfortunes +that you gentlefolks know nothing of,—but +ſorrow is ſorrow, let it come +which way it will.</p> + +<p>"'I ſought for a ſervice again—very +hard, after having a houſe of my own!—but +he uſed to follow me, and kick up +ſuch a riot when he was drunk, that I +could not keep a place; nay, he even +ſtole my clothes, and pawned them; +and when I went to the pawnbroker's, +and offered to take my oath that they +were not bought with a farthing of his<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-98_S" id="BPg_2-98_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-98.png">98</a>]</span> +money, they ſaid, 'It was all as one, +my huſband had a right to whatever I +had.'</p> + +<p>"'At laſt he liſted for a ſoldier, and +I took a houſe, making an agreement +to pay for the furniture by degrees; +and I almoſt ſtarved myſelf, till I once +more got before-hand in the world.</p> + +<p>"'After an abſence of ſix years +(God forgive me! I thought he was +dead) my huſband returned; found me +out, and came with ſuch a penitent +face, I forgave him, and clothed him +from head to foot. But he had not +been a week in the houſe, before ſome +of his creditors arreſted him; and, he +ſelling my goods, I found myſelf once +more reduced to beggary; for I was +not as well able to work, go to bed +late, and riſe early, as when I quitted +ſervice; and then I thought it hard<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-99_S" id="BPg_2-99_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-99.png">99</a>]</span> +enough. He was ſoon tired of me, +when there was nothing more to be +had, and left me again.</p> + +<p>"<ins class="err" title="Transcriber's Note: added miſſing quotation mark">'</ins>I will not tell you how I was buffeted +about, till, hearing for certain +that he had died in an hoſpital abroad, +I once more returned to my old occupation; +but have not yet been able to +get my head above water: ſo, madam, +you muſt not be angry if I am afraid to +run any riſk, when I know ſo well, +that women have always the worſt of +it, when law is to decide.'</p> + +<p>"After uttering a few more complaints, +I prevailed on my landlady to +go out in queſt of a lodging; and, to +be more ſecure, I condeſcended to the +mean ſhift of changing my name.</p> + +<p>"But why ſhould I dwell on ſimilar +incidents!—I was hunted, like an infected +beaſt, from three different apartments, +and ſhould not have been al<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-100_S" id="BPg_2-100_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-100.png">100</a>]</span>lowed +to reſt in any, had not Mr. Venables, +informed of my uncle's dangerous +ſtate of health, been inſpired with +the fear of hurrying me out of the +world as I advanced in my pregnancy, +by thus tormenting and obliging me to +take ſudden journeys to avoid him; and +then his ſpeculations on my uncle's fortune +muſt prove abortive.</p> + +<p>"One day, when he had purſued me +to an inn, I fainted, hurrying from him; +and, falling down, the ſight of my blood +alarmed him, and obtained a reſpite for +me. It is ſtrange that he ſhould have +retained any hope, after obſerving my +unwavering determination; but, from +the mildneſs of my behaviour, when I +found all my endeavours to change his +diſpoſition unavailing, he formed an +erroneous opinion of my character, imagining +that, were we once more together, +I ſhould part with the money he<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-101_S" id="BPg_2-101_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-101.png">101</a>]</span> +could not legally force from me, with +the ſame facility as formerly. My forbearance +and occaſional ſympathy he +had miſtaken for weakneſs of character; +and, becauſe he perceived that I +diſliked reſiſtance, he thought my indulgence +and compaſſion mere ſelfiſhneſs, +and never diſcovered that the fear of +being unjuſt, or of unneceſſarily wounding +the feelings of another, was much +more painful to me, than any thing I +could have to endure myſelf. Perhaps +it was pride which made me imagine, +that I could bear what I dreaded to inflict; +and that it was often eaſier to ſuffer, +than to ſee the ſufferings of others.</p> + +<p>"I forgot to mention that, during +this perſecution, I received a letter +from my uncle, informing me, 'that +he only found relief from continual +change of air; and that he intended to<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-102_S" id="BPg_2-102_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-102.png">102</a>]</span> +return when the ſpring was a little more +advanced (it was now the middle of +February), and then we would plan a +journey to Italy, leaving the fogs and +cares of England far behind.' He approved +of my conduct, promiſed to +adopt my child, and ſeemed to have +no doubt of obliging Mr. Venables to +hear reaſon. He wrote to his friend, +by the ſame poſt, deſiring him to call +on Mr. Venables in his name; and, in +conſequence of the remonſtrances he +dictated, I was permitted to lie-in tranquilly.</p> + +<p>"The two or three weeks previous, I +had been allowed to reſt in peace; but, +ſo accuſtomed was I to purſuit and +alarm, that I ſeldom cloſed my eyes +without being haunted by Mr. Venables' +image, who ſeemed to aſſume terrific or +hateful forms to torment me, wherever<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-103_S" id="BPg_2-103_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-103.png">103</a>]</span> +I turned.—Sometimes a wild cat, a +roaring bull, or hideous aſſaſſin, whom +I vainly attempted to fly; at others he +was a demon, hurrying me to the brink +of a precipice, plunging me into dark +waves, or horrid gulfs; and I woke, +in violent fits of trembling anxiety, to +aſſure myſelf that it was all a dream, +and to endeavour to lure my waking +thoughts to wander to the delightful +Italian vales, I hoped ſoon to viſit; or +to picture ſome auguſt ruins, where I +reclined in fancy on a mouldering column, +and eſcaped, in the contemplation +of the heart-enlarging virtues of antiquity, +from the turmoil of cares that +had depreſſed all the daring purpoſes +of my ſoul. But I was not long allowed +to calm my mind by the exerciſe +of my imagination; for the third +day after your birth, my child, I was<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-104_S" id="BPg_2-104_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-104.png">104</a>]</span> +ſurpriſed by a viſit from my elder brother; +who came in the moſt abrupt +manner, to inform me of the death of +my uncle. He had left the greater +part of his fortune to my child, appointing +me its guardian; in ſhort, +every ſtep was taken to enable me to +be miſtreſs of his fortune, without putting +any part of it in Mr. Venables' +power. My brother came to vent his +rage on me, for having, as he expreſſed +himſelf, 'deprived him, my uncle's +eldeſt nephew, of his inheritance;' +though my uncle's property, the fruit +of his own exertion, being all in the +funds, or on landed ſecurities, there +was not a ſhadow of juſtice in the +charge.</p> + +<p>"As I ſincerely loved my uncle, this +intelligence brought on a fever, which +I ſtruggled to conquer with all the<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-105_S" id="BPg_2-105_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-105.png">105</a>]</span> +energy of my mind; for, in my deſolate +ſtate, I had it very much at heart to +ſuckle you, my poor babe. You +ſeemed my only tie to life, a cherub, +to whom I wiſhed to be a father, as +well as a mother; and the double duty +appeared to me to produce a proportionate +increaſe of affection. But the +pleaſure I felt, while ſuſtaining you, +ſnatched from the wreck of hope, was +cruelly damped by melancholy reflections +on my widowed ſtate—widowed +by the death of my uncle. Of Mr. +Venables I thought not, even when I +thought of the felicity of loving your +father, and how a mother's pleaſure +might be exalted, and her care ſoftened +by a huſband's tenderneſs.—'Ought to +be!' I exclaimed; and I endeavoured +to drive away the tenderneſs that ſuffo<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-106_S" id="BPg_2-106_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-106.png">106</a>]</span>cated +me; but my ſpirits were weak, +and the unbidden tears would flow. +'Why was I,' I would aſk thee, but +thou didſt not heed me,—'cut off from +the participation of the ſweeteſt pleaſure +of life?' I imagined with what +extacy, after the pains of child-bed, I +ſhould have preſented my little ſtranger, +whom I had ſo long wiſhed to view, to +a reſpectable father, and with what +maternal fondneſs I ſhould have preſſed +them both to my heart!—Now I kiſſed +her with leſs delight, though with the +moſt endearing compaſſion, poor helpleſs +one! when I perceived a ſlight reſemblance +of him, to whom ſhe owed +her exiſtence; or, if any geſture reminded +me of him, even in his beſt +days, my heart heaved, and I preſſed +the innocent to my boſom, as if to<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-107_S" id="BPg_2-107_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-107.png">107</a>]</span> +purify it—yes, I bluſhed to think that +its purity had been ſullied, by allowing +ſuch a man to be its father.</p> + +<p>"After my recovery, I began to +think of taking a houſe in the country, +or of making an excurſion on the continent, +to avoid Mr. Venables; and to +open my heart to new pleaſures and +affection. The ſpring was melting into +ſummer, and you, my little companion, +began to ſmile—that ſmile +made hope bud out afreſh, aſſuring me +the world was not a deſert. Your +geſtures were ever preſent to my +fancy; and I dwelt on the joy I ſhould +feel when you would begin to walk and +liſp. Watching your wakening mind, +and ſhielding from every rude blaſt +my tender bloſſom, I recovered my +ſpirits—I dreamed not of the froſt<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-108_S" id="BPg_2-108_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-108.png">108</a>]</span>—'the +killing froſt,' to which you were +deſtined to be expoſed.—But I loſe all +patience—and execrate the injuſtice +of the world—folly! ignorance!—I +ſhould rather call it; but, ſhut up from +a free circulation of thought, and always +pondering on the ſame griefs, I +writhe under the torturing apprehenſions, +which ought to excite only +honeſt indignation, or active compaſſion; +and would, could I view them +as the natural conſequence of things. +But, born a woman—and born to ſuffer, +in endeavouring to repreſs my own +emotions, I feel more acutely the various +ills my ſex are fated to bear—I +feel that the evils they are ſubject to +endure, degrade them ſo far below +their oppreſſors, as almoſt to juſtify +their tyranny; leading at the ſame<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-109_S" id="BPg_2-109_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-109.png">109</a>]</span> +time ſuperficial reaſoners to term that +weakneſs the cauſe, which is only +the conſequence of ſhort-ſighted deſpotiſm.</p> + +<div class="footnotes"><h3>FOOTNOTES:</h3> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="BFootnote_91-A_7_S" id="BFootnote_91-A_7_S"></a><a href="#BFNanchor_91-A_7_S"><span class="label">[91-A]</span></a> The introduction of Darnford as the deliverer +of Maria, in an early ſtage of the hiſtory, is already +ſtated (Chap. III.) to have been an after-thought +of the author. This has probably cauſed +the imperfectneſs of the manuſcript in the above +paſſage; though, at the ſame time, it muſt be acknowledged +to be ſomewhat uncertain, whether +Darnford is the ſtranger intended in this place. +It appears from Chap. XVII. that an interference +of a more deciſive nature was deſigned to be attributed +to him.</p> +<p class="right"><span class="smcap">editor.</span></p></div> +</div> + + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-110_S" id="BPg_2-110_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-110.png">110</a>]</span></p> +<h2><a name="BCHAP_XIV_S" id="BCHAP_XIV_S"></a>CHAP. XIV.</h2> + + +<p>"<span class="smcap">As</span> my mind grew calmer, the +viſions of Italy again returned with +their former glow of colouring; and I +reſolved on quitting the kingdom for +a time, in ſearch of the cheerfulneſs, +that naturally reſults from a change of +ſcene, unleſs we carry the barbed arrow +with us, and only ſee what we +feel.</p> + +<p>"During the period neceſſary to +prepare for a long abſence, I ſent a +ſupply to pay my father's debts, and +ſettled my brothers in eligible ſituations; +but my attention was not +wholly engroſſed by my family, though +I do not think it neceſſary to enumerate +the common exertions of huma<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-111_S" id="BPg_2-111_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-111.png">111</a>]</span>nity. +The manner in which my uncle's +property was ſettled, prevented +me from making the addition to the +fortune of my ſurviving ſiſter, that I +could have wiſhed; but I had prevailed +on him to bequeath her two +thouſand pounds, and ſhe determined +to marry a lover, to whom ſhe had +been ſome time attached. Had it not +been for this engagement, I ſhould have +invited her to accompany me in my +tour; and I might have eſcaped the +pit, ſo artfully dug in my path, when +I was the leaſt aware of danger.</p> + +<p>"I had thought of remaining in +England, till I weaned my child; but +this ſtate of freedom was too peaceful +to laſt, and I had ſoon reaſon to wiſh +to haſten my departure. A friend of +Mr. Venables, the ſame attorney who +had accompanied him in ſeveral excur<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-112_S" id="BPg_2-112_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-112.png">112</a>]</span>ſions +to hunt me from my hiding places, +waited on me to propoſe a reconciliation. +On my refuſal, he indirectly +adviſed me to make over to my huſband—for +huſband he would term +him—the greater part of the property +I had at command, menacing me with +continual perſecution unleſs I complied, +and that, as a laſt reſort, he +would claim the child. I did not, +though intimidated by the laſt inſinuation, +ſcruple to declare, that I would +not allow him to ſquander the money +left to me for far different purpoſes, +but offered him five hundred pounds, if +he would ſign a bond not to torment +me any more. My maternal anxiety +made me thus appear to waver from +my firſt determination, and probably +ſuggeſted to him, or his diabolical<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-113_S" id="BPg_2-113_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-113.png">113</a>]</span> +agent, the infernal plot, which has +ſucceeded but too well.</p> + +<p>"The bond was executed; ſtill I +was impatient to leave England. Miſchief +hung in the air when we breathed +the ſame; I wanted ſeas to divide +us, and waters to roll between, till he +had forgotten that I had the means of +helping him through a new ſcheme. +Diſturbed by the late occurrences, I inſtantly +prepared for my departure. +My only delay was waiting for a maid-ſervant, +who ſpoke French fluently, +and had been warmly recommended to +me. A valet I was adviſed to hire, +when I fixed on my place of reſidence +for any time.</p> + +<p>"My God, with what a light heart +did I ſet out for Dover!—It was not my +country, but my cares, that I was leaving +behind. My heart ſeemed to<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-114_S" id="BPg_2-114_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-114.png">114</a>]</span> +bound with the wheels, or rather appeared +the centre on which they twirled. +I claſped you to my boſom, exclaiming +'And you will be ſafe—quite +ſafe—when—we are once on +board the packet.—Would we were +there!' I ſmiled at my idle fears, as +the natural effect of continual alarm; +and I ſcarcely owned to myſelf that I +dreaded Mr. Venables's cunning, or +was conſcious of the horrid delight he +would feel, at forming ſtratagem after +ſtratagem to circumvent me. I was +already in the ſnare—I never reached +the packet—I never ſaw thee more.—I +grow breathleſs. I have ſcarcely patience +to write down the details. The +maid—the plauſible woman I had +hired—put, doubtleſs, ſome ſtupifying +potion in what I ate or drank, the +morning I left town. All I know is,<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-115_S" id="BPg_2-115_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-115.png">115</a>]</span> +that ſhe muſt have quitted the chaiſe, +ſhameleſs wretch! and taken (from +my breaſt) my babe with her. How +could a creature in a female form ſee +me careſs thee, and ſteal thee from my +arms! I muſt ſtop, ſtop to repreſs a +mother's anguiſh; left, in bitterneſs of +ſoul, I imprecate the wrath of heaven +on this tiger, who tore my only comfort +from me.</p> + +<p>"How long I ſlept I know not; +certainly many hours, for I woke at the +cloſe of day, in a ſtrange confuſion of +thought. I was probably rouſed to recollection +by ſome one thundering at a +huge, unwieldy gate. Attempting to +aſk where I was, my voice died away, +and I tried to raiſe it in vain, as I have +done in a dream. I looked for my babe +with affright; feared that it had fallen +out of my lap, while I had ſo ſtrange<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-116_S" id="BPg_2-116_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-116.png">116</a>]</span>ly +forgotten her; and, ſuch was the +vague intoxication, I can give it no +other name, in which I was plunged, +I could not recollect when or where I +laſt ſaw you; but I ſighed, as if my +heart wanted room to clear my head.</p> + +<p>"The gates opened heavily, and +the ſullen ſound of many locks +<ins class="err" title="Transcriber's Note: original reads 'and and'">and</ins> bolts drawn back, grated on +my very ſoul, before I was appalled by +the creeking of the diſmal hinges, as +they cloſed after me. The gloomy +pile was before me, half in ruins; ſome +of the aged trees of the avenue were +cut down, and left to rot where they +fell; and as we approached ſome +mouldering ſteps, a monſtrous dog +darted forwards to the length of his +chain, and barked and growled infernally.</p> + +<p>"The door was opened ſlowly, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-117_S" id="BPg_2-117_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-117.png">117</a>]</span> +a murderous viſage peeped out, with a +lantern. 'Huſh!' he uttered, in a +threatning tone, and the affrighted +animal ſtole back to his kennel. The +door of the chaiſe flew back, the +ſtranger put down the lantern, and +claſped his dreadful arms around me. +It was certainly the effect of the ſoporific +draught, for, inſtead of exerting +my ſtrength, I ſunk without motion, +though not without ſenſe, on his ſhoulder, +my limbs refuſing to obey my +will. I was carried up the ſteps into a +cloſe-ſhut hall. A candle flaring in +the ſocket, ſcarcely diſperſed the darkneſs, +though it diſplayed to me the +ferocious countenance of the wretch +who held me.</p> + +<p>"He mounted a wide ſtaircaſe. +Large figures painted on the walls +ſeemed to ſtart on me, and glaring<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-118_S" id="BPg_2-118_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-118.png">118</a>]</span> +eyes to meet me at every turn. Entering +a long gallery, a diſmal ſhriek made +me ſpring out of my conductor's arms, +with I know not what myſterious emotion +of terror; but I fell on the floor, +unable to ſuſtain myſelf.</p> + +<p>"A ſtrange-looking female ſtarted +out of one of the receſſes, and obſerved +me with more curioſity than intereſt; +till, ſternly bid retire, ſhe flitted back +like a ſhadow. Other faces, ſtrongly +marked, or diſtorted, peeped through +the half-opened doors, and I heard +ſome incoherent ſounds. I had no +diſtinct idea where I could be—I looked +on all ſides, and almoſt doubted whether +I was alive or dead.</p> + +<p>"Thrown on a bed, I immediately +ſunk into inſenſibility again; and next +day, gradually recovering the uſe of +reaſon, I began, ſtarting affrighted<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-119_S" id="BPg_2-119_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-119.png">119</a>]</span> +from the conviction, to diſcover where +I was confined—I inſiſted on ſeeing the +maſter of the manſion—I ſaw him—and +perceived that I was buried alive.—</p> + +<p>"Such, my child, are the events of +thy mother's life to this dreadful moment—Should +ſhe ever eſcape from +the fangs of her enemies, ſhe will add +the ſecrets of her priſon-houſe—and—"</p> + +<p>Some lines were here croſſed out, +and the memoirs broke off abruptly +with the names of Jemima and Darnford.</p> + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-120_S" id="BPg_2-120_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-120.png">120</a>]</span></p> +<h2><a name="BAPPENDIX_S" id="BAPPENDIX_S"></a>APPENDIX.</h2> +<hr class="short" /> +<h3>[ADVERTISEMENT.</h3> + + +<p><span class="smcap">The</span> performance, with a fragment +of which the reader has now been preſented, +was deſigned to conſiſt of three +parts. The preceding ſheets were +conſidered as conſtituting one of thoſe +parts. Thoſe perſons who in the +peruſal of the chapters, already written +and in ſome degree finiſhed by the au<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-121_S" id="BPg_2-121_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-121.png">121</a>]</span>thor, +have felt their hearts awakened, +and their curioſity excited as to the +ſequel of the ſtory, will, of courſe, +gladly accept even of the broken paragraphs +and half-finiſhed ſentences, +which have been found committed +to paper, as materials for the +remainder. The faſtidious and cold-hearted +critic may perhaps feel himſelf +repelled by the incoherent form in +which they are preſented. But an inquiſitive +temper willingly accepts the +moſt imperfect and mutilated information, +where better is not to be had: +and readers, who in any degree reſemble +the author in her quick apprehenſion +of ſentiment, and of the<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-122_S" id="BPg_2-122_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-122.png">122</a>]</span> +pleaſures and pains of imagination, +will, I believe, find gratification, in +contemplating ſketches, which were +deſigned in a ſhort time to have received +the finiſhing touches of her +genius; but which muſt now for ever +remain a mark to record the triumphs +of mortality, over ſchemes of uſefulneſs, +and projects of public intereſt.]</p> + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-123_S" id="BPg_2-123_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-123.png">123</a>]</span></p> +<h2><a name="BCHAP_XV_S" id="BCHAP_XV_S"></a>CHAP. XV.</h2> + + +<p><span class="smcap">Darnford</span> returned the memoirs +to Maria, with a moſt affectionate +letter, in which he reaſoned on "the +abſurdity of the laws reſpecting matrimony, +which, till divorces could be +more eaſily obtained, was," he declared, +"the moſt inſufferable bondage. Ties of +this nature could not bind minds governed +by ſuperior principles; and ſuch +beings were privileged to act above the +dictates of laws they had no voice in +framing, if they had ſufficient ſtrength +of mind to endure the natural conſequence. +In her caſe, to talk of duty, +was a farce, excepting what was due +to herſelf. Delicacy, as well as reaſon, +forbade her ever to think of returning<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-124_S" id="BPg_2-124_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-124.png">124</a>]</span> +to her huſband: was ſhe then to reſtrain +her charming ſenſibility through +mere prejudice? Theſe arguments +were not abſolutely impartial, for he +diſdained to conceal, that, when he +appealed to her reaſon, he felt that +he had ſome intereſt in her heart.—The +conviction was not more tranſporting, +than ſacred—a thouſand times a +day, he aſked himſelf how he had merited +ſuch happineſs?—and as often he +determined to purify the heart ſhe +deigned to inhabit—He intreated to be +again admitted to her preſence."</p> + +<p>He was; and the tear which gliſtened +in his eye, when he reſpectfully +preſſed her to his boſom, rendered him +peculiarly dear to the unfortunate mother. +Grief had ſtilled the tranſports +of love, only to render their mutual +tenderneſs more touching. In former<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-125_S" id="BPg_2-125_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-125.png">125</a>]</span> +interviews, Darnford had contrived, by +a hundred little pretexts, to ſit near +her, to take her hand, or to meet her +eyes—now it was all ſoothing affection, +and eſteem ſeemed to have rivalled +love. He adverted to her narrative, +and ſpoke with warmth of the oppreſſion +ſhe had endured.—His eyes, glowing +with a lambent flame, told her +how much he wiſhed to reſtore her to +liberty and love; but he kiſſed her +hand, as if it had been that of a ſaint; +and ſpoke of the loſs of her child, as if it +had been his own.—What could have +been more flattering to Maria?—Every +inſtance of ſelf-denial was regiſtered in +her heart, and ſhe loved him, for loving +her too well to give way to the +tranſports of paſſion.</p> + +<p>They met again and again; and +Darnford declared, while paſſion ſuf<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-126_S" id="BPg_2-126_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-126.png">126</a>]</span>fuſed +his cheeks, that he never before +knew what it was to love.—</p> + +<p>One morning Jemima informed +Maria, that her maſter intended to +wait on her, and ſpeak to her without +witneſſes. He came, and brought a +letter with him, pretending that he +was ignorant of its contents, though he +inſiſted on having it returned to him. +It was from the attorney already mentioned, +who informed her of the death +of her child, and hinted, "that ſhe +could not now have a legitimate heir, +and that, would ſhe make over the +half of her fortune during life, ſhe +ſhould be conveyed to Dover, and permitted +to purſue her plan of travelling."</p> + +<p>Maria anſwered with warmth, +"That ſhe had no terms to make with +the murderer of her babe, nor would<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-127_S" id="BPg_2-127_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-127.png">127</a>]</span> +ſhe purchaſe liberty at the price of her +own reſpect."</p> + +<p>She began to expoſtulate with her +jailor; but he ſternly bade her "Be +ſilent—he had not gone ſo far, not to +go further."</p> + +<p>Darnford came in the evening. +Jemima was obliged to be abſent, and +ſhe, as uſual, locked the door on them, +to prevent interruption or diſcovery.—The +lovers were, at firſt, embarraſſed; +but fell inſenſibly into confidential diſcourſe. +Darnford repreſented, "that +they might ſoon be parted," and wiſhed +her "to put it out of the power of fate +to ſeparate them."</p> + +<p>As her huſband ſhe now received him, +and he ſolemnly pledged himſelf as her +protector—and eternal friend.—</p> + +<p>There was one peculiarity in Maria's +mind: ſhe was more anxious not +to deceive, than to guard againſt de<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-128_S" id="BPg_2-128_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-128.png">128</a>]</span>ception; +and had rather truſt without +ſufficient reaſon, than be for ever the +prey of doubt. Beſides, what are we, +when the mind has, from reflection, a +certain kind of elevation, which exalts +the contemplation above the little concerns +of prudence! We ſee what we +wiſh, and make a world of our own—and, +though reality may ſometimes open +a door to miſery, yet the moments of +happineſs procured by the imagination, +may, without a paradox, be reckoned +among the ſolid comforts of life. Maria +now, imagining that ſhe had found +a being of celeſtial mould—was happy,—nor +was ſhe deceived.—He was then +plaſtic in her impaſſioned hand—and +reflected all the ſentiments which animated +and warmed her.    —    —    —    —</p> + +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-129_S" id="BPg_2-129_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-129.png">129</a>]</span></p> +<h2><a name="BCHAP_XVI_S" id="BCHAP_XVI_S"></a>CHAP. XVI.</h2> + + +<p><span class="smcap">One</span> morning confuſion ſeemed to +reign in the houſe, and Jemima came +in terror, to inform Maria, "that her +maſter had left it, with a determination, +ſhe was aſſured (and too many +circumſtances corroborated the opinion, +to leave a doubt of its truth) of never +returning. I am prepared then," +ſaid Jemima, "to accompany you in +your flight."</p> + +<p>Maria ſtarted up, her eyes darting +towards the door, as if afraid that ſome +one ſhould faſten it on her for ever.</p> + +<p>Jemima continued, "I have perhaps +no right now to expect the performance +of your promiſe; but on you<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-130_S" id="BPg_2-130_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-130.png">130</a>]</span> +it depends to reconcile me with the +human race."</p> + +<p>"But Darnford!"—exclaimed Maria, +mournfully—ſitting down again, +and croſſing her arms—"I have no +child to go to, and liberty has loſt its +ſweets."</p> + +<p>"I am much miſtaken, if Darnford +is not the cauſe of my maſter's flight—his +keepers aſſure me, that they have +promiſed to confine him two days +longer, and then he will be free—you +cannot ſee him; but they will give a +letter to him the moment he is free.—In +that inform him where he may find +you in London; fix on ſome hotel. +Give me your clothes; I will ſend them +out of the houſe with mine, and we +will ſlip out at the garden-gate. Write +your letter while I make theſe arrangements, +but loſe no time!"</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-131_S" id="BPg_2-131_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-131.png">131</a>]</span> +In an agitation of ſpirit, not to be +calmed, Maria began to write to Darnford. +She called him by the ſacred +name of "huſband," and bade him "haſten +to her, to ſhare her fortune, or ſhe +would return to him."—An hotel in the +Adelphi was the place of rendezvous.</p> + +<p>The letter was ſealed and given in +charge; and with light footſteps, yet +terrified at the ſound of them, ſhe deſcended, +ſcarcely breathing, and with +an indiſtinct fear that ſhe ſhould never +get out at the garden gate. Jemima +went firſt.</p> + +<p>A being, with a viſage that would +have ſuited one poſſeſſed by a devil, +croſſed the path, and ſeized Maria by +the arm. Maria had no fear but of being +detained—"Who are you? what +are you?" for the form was ſcarcely human. +"If you are made of fleſh and<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-132_S" id="BPg_2-132_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-132.png">132</a>]</span> +blood," his ghaſtly eyes glared on her, +"do not ſtop me!"</p> + +<p>"Woman," interrupted a ſepulchral +voice, "what have I to do with thee?"—Still +he graſped her hand, muttering +a curſe.</p> + +<p>"No, no; you have nothing to do +with me," ſhe exclaimed, "this is a +moment of life and death!"—</p> + +<p>With ſupernatural force ſhe broke +from him, and, throwing her arms +round Jemima, cried, "Save me!" The +being, from whoſe graſp ſhe had looſed +herſelf, took up a ſtone as they opened +the door, and with a kind of helliſh +ſport threw it after them. They were +out of his reach.</p> + +<p>When Maria arrived in town, ſhe +drove to the hotel already fixed on. But +ſhe could not ſit ſtill—her child was ever +before her; and all that had paſſed dur<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-133_S" id="BPg_2-133_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-133.png">133</a>]</span>ing +her confinement, appeared to be a +dream. She went to the houſe in the +ſuburbs, where, as ſhe now diſcovered, +her babe had been ſent. The moment +ſhe entered, her heart grew ſick; but +ſhe wondered not that it had proved its +grave. She made the neceſſary enquiries, +and the church-yard was pointed +out, in which it reſted under a turf. A +little frock which the nurſe's child +wore (Maria had made it herſelf) +caught her eye. The nurſe was glad +to ſell it for half-a-guinea, and Maria +haſtened away with the relic, and, re-entering +the hackney-coach which +waited for her, gazed on it, till ſhe +reached her hotel.</p> + +<p>She then waited on the attorney +who had made her uncle's will, and explained +to him her ſituation. He readily +advanced her ſome of the money<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-134_S" id="BPg_2-134_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-134.png">134</a>]</span> +which ſtill remained in his hands, and +promiſed to take the whole of the caſe +into conſideration. Maria only wiſhed +to be permitted to remain in quiet—She +found that ſeveral bills, apparently +with her ſignature, had been preſented +to her agent, nor was ſhe for a moment +at a loſs to gueſs by whom they had +been forged; yet, equally averſe to +threaten or intreat, ſhe requeſted her +friend [the ſolicitor] to call on Mr. Venables. +He was not to be found at +home; but at length his agent, the attorney, +offered a conditional promiſe to +Maria, to leave her in peace, as long as +ſhe behaved with propriety, if ſhe +would give up the notes. Maria inconſiderately +conſented—Darnford was +arrived, and ſhe wiſhed to be only alive +to love; ſhe wiſhed to forget the anguiſh +ſhe felt whenever ſhe thought of +her child.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-135_S" id="BPg_2-135_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-135.png">135</a>]</span> +They took a ready furniſhed lodging +together, for ſhe was above diſguiſe; +Jemima inſiſting on being conſidered +as her houſe-keeper, and to receive +the cuſtomary ſtipend. On no +other terms would ſhe remain with her +friend.</p> + +<p>Darnford was indefatigable in tracing +the myſterious circumſtances of +his confinement. The cauſe was ſimply, +that a relation, a very diſtant one, +to whom he was heir, had died inteſtate, +leaving a conſiderable fortune. +On the news of Darnford's arrival [in +England, a perſon, intruſted with the +management of the property, and who +had the writings in his poſſeſſion, determining, +by one bold ſtroke, to ſtrip +Darnford of the ſucceſſion,] had planned +his confinement; and [as ſoon +as he had taken the meaſures he<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-136_S" id="BPg_2-136_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-136.png">136</a>]</span> +judged moſt conducive to his object, +this ruffian, together with his inſtrument,] +the keeper of the private mad-houſe, +left the kingdom. Darnford, +who ſtill purſued his enquiries, at laſt +diſcovered that they had fixed their +place of refuge at Paris.</p> + +<p>Maria and he determined therefore, +with the faithful Jemima, to viſit +that metropolis, and accordingly were +preparing for the journey, when they +were informed that Mr. Venables had +commenced an action againſt Darnford +for ſeduction and adultery. The indignation +Maria felt cannot be explained; +ſhe repented of the forbearance ſhe had +exerciſed in giving up the notes. Darnford +could not put off his journey, without +riſking the loſs of his property: +Maria therefore furniſhed him with money +for his expedition; and determined<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-137_S" id="BPg_2-137_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-137.png">137</a>]</span> +to remain in London till the termination +of this affair.</p> + +<p>She viſited ſome ladies with whom +ſhe had formerly been intimate, but +was refuſed admittance; and at the +opera, or Ranelagh, they could not recollect +her. Among theſe ladies there +were ſome, not her moſt intimate acquaintance, +who were generally ſuppoſed +to avail themſelves of the cloke +of marriage, to conceal a mode of conduct, +that would for ever have damned +their fame, had they been innocent, ſeduced +girls. Theſe particularly ſtood +aloof.—Had ſhe remained with her huſband, +practiſing inſincerity, and neglecting +her child to manage an intrigue, +ſhe would ſtill have been viſited +and reſpected. If, inſtead of +openly living with her lover, ſhe could +have condeſcended to call into play a<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-138_S" id="BPg_2-138_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-138.png">138</a>]</span> +thouſand arts, which, degrading her +own mind, might have allowed the +people who were not deceived, to pretend +to be ſo, ſhe would have been +careſſed and treated like an honourable +woman. "And Brutus<a name="BFNanchor_138-A_8_S" id="BFNanchor_138-A_8_S"></a><a href="#BFootnote_138-A_8_S" class="fnanchor">[138-A]</a> is an honourable +man!" ſaid Mark-Antony with +equal ſincerity.</p> + +<p>With Darnford ſhe did not taſte uninterrupted +felicity; there was a volatility +in his manner which often diſtreſſed +her; but love gladdened the +ſcene; beſides, he was the moſt tender, +ſympathizing creature in the world. +A fondneſs for the ſex often gives an +appearance of humanity to the behaviour +of men, who have ſmall pretenſions +to the reality; and they ſeem to<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-139_S" id="BPg_2-139_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-139.png">139</a>]</span> +love others, when they are only purſuing +their own gratification. Darnford +appeared ever willing to avail himſelf +of her taſte and acquirements, while +ſhe endeavoured to profit by his deciſion +of character, and to eradicate ſome +of the romantic notions, which had +taken root in her mind, while in adverſity +ſhe had brooded over viſions of +unattainable bliſs.</p> + +<p>The real affections of life, when +they are allowed to burſt forth, are buds +pregnant with joy and all the ſweet +emotions of the ſoul; yet they branch +out with wild eaſe, unlike the artificial +forms of felicity, ſketched by an imagination +painful alive. The ſubſtantial +happineſs, which enlarges and civilizes +the mind, may be compared to +the pleaſure experienced in roving +through nature at large, inhaling the<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-140_S" id="BPg_2-140_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-140.png">140</a>]</span> +ſweet gale natural to the clime; while +the reveries of a feveriſh imagination +continually ſport themſelves in gardens +full of aromatic ſhrubs, which cloy +while they delight, and weaken the +ſenſe of pleaſure they gratify. The heaven +of fancy, below or beyond the ſtars, +in this life, or in thoſe ever-ſmiling regions +ſurrounded by the unmarked +ocean of futurity, have an inſipid uniformity +which palls. Poets have imagined +ſcenes of bliſs; but, fencing out +ſorrow, all the extatic emotions of the +ſoul, and even its grandeur, ſeem to +be equally excluded. We doſe over +the unruffled lake, and long to ſcale +the rocks which fence the happy valley +of contentment, though ſerpents hiſs +in the pathleſs deſert, and danger lurks +in the unexplored wiles. Maria found +herſelf more indulgent as ſhe was hap<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-141_S" id="BPg_2-141_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-141.png">141</a>]</span>pier, +and diſcovered virtues, in characters +ſhe had before diſregarded, while +chaſing the phantoms of elegance and +excellence, which ſported in the meteors +that exhale in the marſhes of miſfortune. +The heart is often ſhut by +romance againſt ſocial pleaſure; and, +foſtering a ſickly ſenſibility, grows callous +to the ſoft touches of humanity.</p> + +<p>To part with Darnford was indeed +cruel.—It was to feel moſt painfully +alone; but ſhe rejoiced to think, that +ſhe ſhould ſpare him the care and perplexity +of the ſuit, and meet him again, +all his own. Marriage, as at preſent +conſtituted, ſhe conſidered as leading +to immorality—yet, as the odium of +ſociety impedes uſefulneſs, ſhe wiſhed to +avow her affection to Darnford, by becoming +his wife according to eſtabliſhed +rules; not to be confounded<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-142_S" id="BPg_2-142_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-142.png">142</a>]</span> +with women who act from very different +motives, though her conduct would +be juſt the ſame without the ceremony +as with it, and her expectations from +him not leſs firm. The being ſummoned +to defend herſelf from a charge which +ſhe was determined to plead guilty to, +was ſtill galling, as it rouſed bitter reflections +on the ſituation of women in +ſociety.</p> + +<div class="footnotes"><h3>FOOTNOTES:</h3> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="BFootnote_138-A_8_S" id="BFootnote_138-A_8_S"></a><a href="#BFNanchor_138-A_8_S"><span class="label">[138-A]</span></a> The name in the manuſcript is by miſtake +written Cæſar.</p> +<p class="right"><span class="smcap">editor.</span></p></div> +</div> + + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-143_S" id="BPg_2-143_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-143.png">143</a>]</span></p> +<h2><a name="BCHAP_XVII_S" id="BCHAP_XVII_S"></a>CHAP. XVII.</h2> + + +<p><span class="smcap">Such</span> was her ſtate of mind when +the dogs of law were let looſe on +her. Maria took the taſk of conducting +Darnford's defence upon herſelf. +She inſtructed his counſel to plead +guilty to the charge of adultery; but +to deny that of ſeduction.</p> + +<p>The counſel for the plaintiff opened +the cauſe, by obſerving, "that his client +had ever been an indulgent huſband, +and had borne with ſeveral defects +of temper, while he had nothing +criminal to lay to the charge of his +wife. But that ſhe left his houſe without +aſſigning any cauſe. He could not +aſſert that ſhe was then acquainted +with the defendant; yet, when he was<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-144_S" id="BPg_2-144_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-144.png">144</a>]</span> +once endeavouring to bring her back +to her home, this man put the peace-officers +to flight, and took her he knew +not whither. After the birth of her child, +her conduct was ſo ſtrange, and a melancholy +malady having afflicted one of +the family, which delicacy forbade the +dwelling on, it was neceſſary to confine +her. By ſome means the defendant +enabled her to make her eſcape, +and they had lived together, in deſpite +of all ſenſe of order and decorum. The +adultery was allowed, it was not neceſſary +to bring any witneſſes to prove it; +but the ſeduction, though highly probable +from the circumſtances which +he had the honour to ſtate, could not +be ſo clearly proved.—It was of the +moſt atrocious kind, as decency was ſet +at defiance, and reſpect for reputa<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-145_S" id="BPg_2-145_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-145.png">145</a>]</span>tion, +which ſhows internal compunction, +utterly diſregarded."</p> + +<p>A ſtrong ſenſe of injuſtice had ſilenced +every emotion, which a mixture +of true and falſe delicacy might otherwiſe +have excited in Maria's boſom. +She only felt in earneſt to inſiſt on the +privilege of her nature. The ſarcaſms +of ſociety, and the condemnation of a +miſtaken world, were nothing to her, +compared with acting contrary to thoſe +feelings which were the foundation of +her principles. [She therefore eagerly +put herſelf forward, inſtead of deſiring +to be abſent, on this memorable occaſion.]</p> + +<p>Convinced that the ſubterfuges of +the law were diſgraceful, ſhe wrote a +paper, which ſhe expreſſly deſired might +be read in court:</p> + +<p>"Married when ſcarcely able to diſ<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-146_S" id="BPg_2-146_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-146.png">146</a>]</span>tinguiſh +the nature of the engagement, +I yet ſubmitted to the rigid +laws which enſlave women, and obeyed +the man whom I could no longer love. +Whether the duties of the ſtate are +reciprocal, I mean not to diſcuſs; but +I can prove repeated infidelities which +I overlooked or pardoned. Witneſſes +are not wanting to eſtabliſh theſe facts. +I at preſent maintain the child of a +maid ſervant, ſworn to him, and born +after our marriage. I am ready to allow, +that education and circumſtances +lead men to think and act with leſs delicacy, +than the preſervation of order +in ſociety demands from women; but +ſurely I may without aſſumption declare, +that, though I could excuſe the +birth, I could not the deſertion of this +unfortunate babe:—and, while I deſpiſed +the man, it was not eaſy to ve<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-147_S" id="BPg_2-147_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-147.png">147</a>]</span>nerate +the huſband. With proper reſtrictions +however, I revere the inſtitution +which fraternizes the world. I exclaim +againſt the laws which throw the +whole weight of the yoke on the weaker +ſhoulders, and force women, when they +claim protectorſhip as mothers, to ſign +a contract, which renders them dependent +on the caprice of the tyrant, whom +choice or neceſſity has appointed to +reign over them. Various are the caſes, +in which a woman ought to ſeparate +herſelf from her huſband; and mine, +I may be allowed emphatically to inſiſt, +comes under the deſcription of the +moſt aggravated.</p> + +<p>"I will not enlarge on thoſe provocations +which only the individual can +eſtimate; but will bring forward ſuch +charges only, the truth of which is an +inſult upon humanity. In order to<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-148_S" id="BPg_2-148_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-148.png">148</a>]</span> +promote certain deſtructive ſpeculations, +Mr. Venables prevailed on me +to borrow certain ſums of a wealthy relation; +and, when I refuſed further +compliance, he thought of bartering +my perſon; and not only allowed opportunities +to, but urged, a friend +from whom he borrowed money, to +ſeduce me. On the diſcovery of this +act of atrocity, I determined to leave +him, and in the moſt decided manner, +for ever. I conſider all obligation as +made void by his conduct; and hold, +that ſchiſms which proceed from want +of principles, can never be healed.</p> + +<p>"He received a fortune with me to +the amount of five thouſand pounds. On +the death of my uncle, convinced that +I could provide for my child, I deſtroyed +the ſettlement of that fortune. +I required none of my property to be<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-149_S" id="BPg_2-149_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-149.png">149</a>]</span> +returned to me, nor ſhall enumerate the +ſums extorted from me during ſix years +that we lived together.</p> + +<p>"After leaving, what the law conſiders +as my home, I was hunted like a criminal +from place to place, though I +contracted no debts, and demanded no +maintenance—yet, as the laws ſanction +ſuch proceeding, and make women the +property of their huſbands, I forbear +to animadvert. After the birth of my +daughter, and the death of my uncle, +who left a very conſiderable property +to myſelf and child, I was expoſed to +new perſecution; and, becauſe I had, +before arriving at what is termed years +of diſcretion, pledged my faith, I was +treated by the world, as bound for ever +to a man whoſe vices were notorious. +Yet what are the vices generally +known, to the various miſeries that a<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-150_S" id="BPg_2-150_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-150.png">150</a>]</span> +woman may be ſubject to, which, +though deeply felt, eating into the +ſoul, elude deſcription, and may be +gloſſed over! A falſe morality is even +eſtabliſhed, which makes all the virtue +of women conſiſt in chaſtity, ſubmiſſion, +and the forgiveneſs of injuries.</p> + +<p>"I pardon my oppreſſor—bitterly as I +lament the loſs of my child, torn from +me in the moſt violent manner. But +nature revolts, and my ſoul ſickens at +the bare ſuppoſition, that it could ever +be a duty to pretend affection, when a +ſeparation is neceſſary to prevent my +feeling hourly averſion.</p> + +<p>"To force me to give my fortune, I +was impriſoned—yes; in a private mad-houſe.—There, +in the heart of miſery, +I met the man charged with ſeducing +me. We became attached—I deemed, +and ever ſhall deem, myſelf free. The<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-151_S" id="BPg_2-151_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-151.png">151</a>]</span> +death of my babe diſſolved the only tie +which ſubſiſted between me and my, +what is termed, lawful huſband.</p> + +<p>"To this perſon, thus encountered, +I voluntarily gave myſelf, never conſidering +myſelf as any more bound to +tranſgreſs the laws of moral purity, +becauſe the will of my huſband +might be pleaded in my excuſe, than +to tranſgreſs thoſe laws to which +[the policy of artificial ſociety has] +annexed [poſitive] puniſhments.——While +no command of a huſband can +prevent a woman from ſuffering for +certain crimes, ſhe muſt be allowed +to conſult her conſcience, and regulate +her conduct, in ſome degree, by her +own ſenſe of right. The reſpect I owe +to myſelf, demanded my ſtrict adherence +to my determination of never +viewing Mr. Venables in the light of a +huſband, nor could it forbid me from<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-152_S" id="BPg_2-152_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-152.png">152</a>]</span> +encouraging another. If I am unfortunately +united to an unprincipled man, +am I for ever to be ſhut out from fulfilling +the duties of a wife and mother?—I +wiſh my country to approve of my +conduct; but, if laws exiſt, made by +the ſtrong to oppreſs the weak, I appeal +to my own ſenſe of juſtice, and +declare that I will not live with the +individual, who has violated every moral +obligation which binds man to man.</p> + +<p>"I proteſt equally againſt any charge +being brought to criminate the man, +whom I conſider as my huſband. I +was ſix-and-twenty when I left Mr. +Venables' roof; if ever I am to be ſuppoſed +to arrive at an age to direct my +own actions, I muſt by that time have +arrived at it.—I acted with deliberation.—Mr. +Darnford found me a forlorn +and oppreſſed woman, and promiſed<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-153_S" id="BPg_2-153_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-153.png">153</a>]</span> +the protection women in the preſent +ſtate of ſociety want.—But the man +who now claims me—was he deprived +of my ſociety by this conduct? The +queſtion is an inſult to common ſenſe, +conſidering where Mr. Darnford met +me.—Mr. Venables' door was indeed +open to me—nay, threats and intreaties +were uſed to induce me to return; but +why? Was affection or honour the +motive?—I cannot, it is true, dive into +the receſſes of the human heart—yet +I preſume to aſſert, [borne out as +I am by a variety of circumſtances,] +that he was merely influenced by the +moſt rapacious avarice.</p> + +<p>"I claim then a divorce, and the +liberty of enjoying, free from moleſtation, +the fortune left to me by a relation, +who was well aware of the character +of the man with whom I had to<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-154_S" id="BPg_2-154_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-154.png">154</a>]</span> +contend.—I appeal to the juſtice and +humanity of the jury—a body of men, +whoſe private judgment muſt be allowed +to modify laws, that muſt be +unjuſt, becauſe definite rules can never +apply to indefinite circumſtances—and +I deprecate puniſhment upon the man +of my choice, freeing him, as I ſolemnly +do, from the charge of ſeduction.]</p> + +<p>"I did not put myſelf into a ſituation +to juſtify a charge of adultery, till +I had, from conviction, ſhaken off the +fetters which bound me to Mr. Venables.—While +I lived with him, I defy +the voice of calumny to ſully what is +termed the fair fame of woman.—Neglected +by my huſband, I never encouraged +a lover; and preſerved with +ſcrupulous care, what is termed my +honour, at the expence of my peace, +till he, who ſhould have been its guar<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-155_S" id="BPg_2-155_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-155.png">155</a>]</span>dian, +laid traps to enſnare me. From +that moment I believed myſelf, in the +ſight of heaven, free—and no power +on earth ſhall force me to renounce my +reſolution."</p> + +<p>The judge, in ſumming up the evidence, +alluded to "the fallacy of letting +women plead their feelings, as an excuſe +for the violation of the marriage-vow. +For his part, he had always +determined to oppoſe all innovation, +and the new-fangled notions which incroached +on the good old rules of conduct. +We did not want French principles +in public or private life—and, if +women were allowed to plead their +feelings, as an excuſe or palliation of +infidelity, it was opening a flood-gate +for immorality. What virtuous woman +thought of her feelings?—It was +her duty to love and obey the man<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-156_S" id="BPg_2-156_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-156.png">156</a>]</span> +choſen by her parents and relations, +who were qualified by their experience +to judge better for her, than ſhe could +for herſelf. As to the charges brought +againſt the huſband, they were vague, +ſupported by no witneſſes, excepting +that of impriſonment in a private mad-houſe. +The proofs of an inſanity in the +family, might render that however a +prudent meaſure; and indeed the conduct +of the lady did not appear that of +a perſon of ſane mind. Still ſuch a +mode of proceeding could not be juſtified, +and might perhaps entitle the +lady [in another court] to a ſentence of +ſeparation from bed and board, during +the joint lives of the parties; but he +hoped that no Engliſhman would legalize +adultery, by enabling the adultereſs +to enrich her ſeducer. Too many reſtrictions +could not be thrown in the<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-157_S" id="BPg_2-157_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-157.png">157</a>]</span> +way of divorces, if we wiſhed to maintain +the ſanctity of marriage; and, +though they might bear a little hard on +a few, very few individuals, it was +evidently for the good of the whole."</p> + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-158_S" id="BPg_2-158_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-158.png">158</a>]</span></p> +<h2><a name="BCONCLUSION_S" id="BCONCLUSION_S"></a>CONCLUSION,</h2> + +<h3>BY THE EDITOR.</h3> + +<p><span class="smcap">Very</span> few hints exiſt reſpecting the +plan of the remainder of the work. I +find only two detached ſentences, and +ſome ſcattered heads for the continuation +of the ſtory. I tranſcribe the +whole.</p> + +<p class="center">I.</p> + +<p>"Darnford's letters were affectionate; +but circumſtances occaſioned delays,<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-159_S" id="BPg_2-159_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-159.png">159</a>]</span> +and the miſcarriage of ſome letters +rendered the reception of wiſhed-for +anſwers doubtful: his return was neceſſary +to calm Maria's mind."</p> + +<p class="center">II.</p> + +<p>"As Darnford had informed her that +his buſineſs was ſettled, his delaying to +return ſeemed extraordinary; but love +to exceſs, excludes fear or ſuſpicion."</p> + +<hr /> + +<p>The ſcattered heads for the continuation +of the ſtory, are as follow<a name="BFNanchor_159-A_9_S" id="BFNanchor_159-A_9_S"></a><a href="#BFootnote_159-A_9_S" class="fnanchor">[159-A]</a>.</p> + +<p class="center">I.</p> + +<p>"Trial for adultery—Maria defends +herſelf—A ſeparation from bed and<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-160_S" id="BPg_2-160_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-160.png">160</a>]</span> +board is the conſequence—Her fortune +is thrown into chancery—Darnford obtains +a part of his property—Maria +goes into the country."</p> + + +<p class="center">II.</p> + +<p>"A proſecution for adultery commenced—Trial—Darnford +ſets out for +France—Letters—Once more pregnant—He +returns—Myſterious behaviour—Viſit—Expectation—Diſcovery—Interview—Conſequence."</p> + + +<p class="center">III.</p> + +<p>"Sued by her huſband—Damages +awarded to him—Separation from bed +and board—Darnford goes abroad—Maria +into the country—Provides for +her father—Is ſhunned—Returns to +London—Expects to ſee her lover<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-161_S" id="BPg_2-161_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-161.png">161</a>]</span>—The +rack of expectation—Finds herſelf +again with child—Delighted—A diſcovery—A +viſit—A miſcarriage—Concluſion."</p> + + +<p class="center">IV.</p> + +<p>"Divorced by her huſband—Her +lover unfaithful—Pregnancy—Miſcarriage—Suicide."</p> + +<hr /> + +<p>[The following paſſage appears in +ſome reſpects to deviate from the preceding +hints. It is ſuperſcribed]</p> + + +<h5>"THE END.</h5> + + +<p>"She ſwallowed the laudanum; her +ſoul was calm—the tempeſt had ſub<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-162_S" id="BPg_2-162_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-162.png">162</a>]</span>ſided—and +nothing remained but an +eager longing to forget herſelf—to +fly from the anguiſh ſhe endured +to eſcape from thought—from this +hell of diſappointment.</p> + +<p>"Still her eyes cloſed not—one remembrance +with frightful velocity followed +another—All the incidents of +her life were in arms, embodied to +aſſail her, and prevent her ſinking +into the ſleep of death.—Her murdered +child again appeared to her, +mourning for the babe of which ſhe +was the tomb.—'And could it have +a nobler?—Surely it is better to die +with me, than to enter on life without +a mother's care!—I cannot live!—but +could I have deſerted my child the +moment it was born?—thrown it on +the troubled wave of life, without +a hand to ſupport it?'—She looked<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-163_S" id="BPg_2-163_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-163.png">163</a>]</span> +up: 'What have I not ſuffered!—may +I find a father where I am going!'—Her +head turned; a ſtupor enſued; +a faintneſs—'Have a little patience,' +ſaid Maria, holding her ſwimming +head (ſhe thought of her mother), +'this cannot laſt long; and what is a +little bodily pain to the pangs I have +endured?'</p> + +<p>"A new viſion ſwam before her. +Jemima ſeemed to enter—leading a little +creature, that, with tottering footſteps, +approached the bed. The voice +of Jemima ſounding as at a diſtance, +called her—ſhe tried to liſten, to ſpeak, +to look!</p> + +<p>"'Behold your child!' exclaimed +Jemima. Maria ſtarted off the bed, +and fainted.—Violent vomiting followed.</p> + +<p>"When ſhe was reſtored to life, Je<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-164_S" id="BPg_2-164_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-164.png">164</a>]</span>mima +addreſſed her with great ſolemnity: +'——— led me to ſuſpect, +that your huſband and brother had +deceived you, and ſecreted the child. +I would not torment you with doubtful +hopes, and I left you (at a fatal +moment) to ſearch for the child!—I +ſnatched her from miſery—and (now +ſhe is alive again) would you leave +her alone in the world, to endure what +I have endured?'</p> + +<p>"Maria gazed wildly at her, her +whole frame was convulſed with emotion; +when the child, whom Jemima +had been tutoring all the journey, uttered +the word 'Mamma!' She +caught her to her boſom, and burſt +into a paſſion of tears—then, reſting +the child gently on the bed, as if +afraid of killing it,—ſhe put her hand +to her eyes, to conceal as it were the<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-165_S" id="BPg_2-165_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-165.png">165</a>]</span> +agonizing ſtruggle of her ſoul. She +remained ſilent for five minutes, croſſing +her arms over her boſom, and reclining +her head,—then exclaimed: +'The conflict is over!—I will live for +my child!'"</p> + +<hr /> + +<p>A few readers perhaps, in looking +over theſe hints, will wonder how it +could have been practicable, without +tediouſneſs, or remitting in any degree +the intereſt of the ſtory, to have filled, +from theſe ſlight ſketches, a number of +pages, more conſiderable than thoſe +which have been already preſented. +But, in reality, theſe hints, ſimple as +they are, are pregnant with paſſion and +diſtreſs. It is the refuge of barren au<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-166_S" id="BPg_2-166_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-166.png">166</a>]</span>thors +only, to crowd their fictions with +ſo great a number of events, as to ſuffer +no one of them to ſink into the reader's +mind. It is the province of true genius +to develop events, to diſcover their +capabilities, to aſcertain the different +paſſions and ſentiments with which they +are fraught, and to diverſify them with +incidents, that give reality to the picture, +and take a hold upon the mind of a +reader of taſte, from which they can +never be looſened. It was particularly +the deſign of the author, in the preſent +inſtance, to make her ſtory ſubordinate +to a great moral purpoſe, that "of exhibiting +the miſery and oppreſſion, peculiar +to women, that ariſe out of the +partial laws and cuſtoms of ſociety.—This +view reſtrained her fancy<a name="BFNanchor_166-A_10_S" id="BFNanchor_166-A_10_S"></a><a href="#BFootnote_166-A_10_S" class="fnanchor">[166-A]</a>." It<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-167_S" id="BPg_2-167_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-167.png">167</a>]</span> +was neceſſary for her, to place in a ſtriking +point of view, evils that are too +frequently overlooked, and to drag into +light thoſe details of oppreſſion, of +which the groſſer and more inſenſible +part of mankind make little account.</p> + + +<h4>THE END.</h4> + +<hr class="full" /> +<div class="footnotes"><h3>FOOTNOTES:</h3> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="BFootnote_159-A_9_S" id="BFootnote_159-A_9_S"></a><a href="#BFNanchor_159-A_9_S"><span class="label">[159-A]</span></a> To underſtand theſe minutes, it is neceſſary +the reader ſhould conſider each of them as ſetting +out from the ſame point in the ſtory, <i>viz.</i> the point +to which it is brought down in the preceding +chapter.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="BFootnote_166-A_10_S" id="BFootnote_166-A_10_S"></a><a href="#BFNanchor_166-A_10_S"><span class="label">[166-A]</span></a> See author's preface.</p></div> +</div> +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-168_S" id="BPg_2-168_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-168.png">168</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-169_S" id="BPg_2-169_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-169.png">169</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h1><a name="BLESSONS_S" id="BLESSONS_S"></a>LESSONS.</h1> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-170_S" id="BPg_2-170_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-170.png">170</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-171_S" id="BPg_2-171_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-171.png">171</a>]</span></p> + +<h2>ADVERTISEMENT,</h2> + +<h3>BY THE EDITOR.</h3> + +<hr /> + +<p><span class="smcap">The</span> following pages will, I believe, +be judged by every reader of taſte to +have been worth preſerving, among +the other teſtimonies the author left +behind her, of her genius and the +ſoundneſs of her underſtanding. To<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-172_S" id="BPg_2-172_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-172.png">172</a>]</span> +ſuch readers I leave the taſk of comparing +theſe leſſons, with other works +of the ſame nature previouſly publiſhed. +It is obvious that the author has ſtruck +out a path of her own, and by no means +intrenched upon the plans of her predeceſſors.</p> + +<p>It may however excite ſurpriſe in +ſome perſons to find theſe papers annexed +to the concluſion of a novel. All +I have to offer on this ſubject, conſiſts +in the following conſiderations:</p> + +<p>Firſt, ſomething is to be allowed for +the difficulty of arranging the miſcellaneous +papers upon very different ſub<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-173_S" id="BPg_2-173_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-173.png">173</a>]</span>jects, +which will frequently conſtitute +an author's poſthumous works.</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p>Secondly, the ſmall portion they occupy +in the preſent volume, will perhaps +be accepted as an apology, by +ſuch good-natured readers (if any ſuch +there are), to whom the peruſal of +them ſhall be a matter of perfect indifference.</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p>Thirdly, the circumſtance which +determined me in annexing them to +the preſent work, was the ſlight aſſociation +(in default of a ſtrong one) +between the affectionate and pathetic +manner in which Maria Venables ad<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-174_S" id="BPg_2-174_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-174.png">174</a>]</span>dreſſes +her infant, in the Wrongs of +Woman; and the agoniſing and painful +ſentiment with which the author +originally bequeathed theſe papers, as +a legacy for the benefit of her child.</p> + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-175_S" id="BPg_2-175_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-175.png">175</a>]</span></p> +<h2>LESSONS.</h2> + +<p><i>The firſt book of a ſeries which I intended to +have written for my unfortunate girl<a name="BFNanchor_175-A_11_S" id="BFNanchor_175-A_11_S"></a><a href="#BFootnote_175-A_11_S" class="fnanchor">[175-A]</a>.</i></p> + + +<p class="center">LESSON I.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Cat.</span> Dog. Cow. Horſe. Sheep. +Pig. Bird. Fly.</p> + +<p>Man. Boy. Girl. Child.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-176_S" id="BPg_2-176_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-176.png">176</a>]</span> +Head. Hair. Face. Noſe. Mouth. +Chin. Neck. Arms. Hand. Leg. +Foot. Back. Breaſt.</p> + +<p>Houſe. Wall. Field. Street. Stone. +Graſs.</p> + +<p>Bed. Chair. Door. Pot. Spoon. +Knife. Fork. Plate. Cup. Box. +Boy. Bell.</p> + +<p>Tree. Leaf. Stick. Whip. Cart. +Coach.</p> + +<p>Frock. Hat. Coat. Shoes. Shift. +Cap.</p> + +<p>Bread. Milk. Tea. Meat. Drink. +Cake.</p> + + +<p class="center">LESSON II.</p> + +<p>Come. Walk. Run. Go. Jump. +Dance. Ride. Sit. Stand. Play.<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-177_S" id="BPg_2-177_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-177.png">177</a>]</span> +Hold. Shake. Speak. Sing. Cry. +Laugh. Call. Fall.</p> + +<p>Day. Night. Sun. Moon. Light. +Dark. Sleep. Wake.</p> + +<p>Waſh. Dreſs. Kiſs. Comb.</p> + +<p>Fire. Hot. Burn. Wind. Rain. +Cold.</p> + +<p>Hurt. Tear. Break. Spill.</p> + +<p>Book. See. Look.</p> + +<p>Sweet. Good. Clean.</p> + +<p>Gone. Loſt. Hide. Keep. Give. +Take.</p> + +<p>One. Two. Three. Four. Five. +Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten.</p> + +<p>White. Black. Red. Blue. Green. +Brown.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-178_S" id="BPg_2-178_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-178.png">178</a>]</span></p> +<p class="center">LESSON III.</p> + +<p>STROKE the cat. Play with the +Dog. Eat the bread. Drink the milk. +Hold the cup. Lay down the knife.</p> + +<p>Look at the fly. See the horſe. +Shut the door. Bring the chair. Ring +the bell. Get your book.</p> + +<p>Hide your face. Wipe your noſe. +Waſh your hands. Dirty hands. Why +do you cry? A clean mouth. Shake +hands. I love you. Kiſs me now. +Good girl.</p> + +<p>The bird ſings. The fire burns. +The cat jumps. The dog runs. The +bird flies. The cow lies down. The man +laughs. The child cries.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-179_S" id="BPg_2-179_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-179.png">179</a>]</span></p> +<p class="center">LESSON IV.</p> + +<p>LET me comb your head. Aſk Betty +to waſh your face. Go and ſee for +ſome bread. Drink milk, if you are +dry. Play on the floor with the ball. +Do not touch the ink; you will black +your hands.</p> + +<p>What do you want to ſay to me? +Speak ſlow, not ſo faſt. Did you fall? +You will not cry, not you; the baby +cries. Will you walk in the fields?</p> + + +<p class="center">LESSON V.</p> + +<p>COME to me, my little girl. Are +you tired of playing? Yes. Sit down +and reſt yourſelf, while I talk to you.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-180_S" id="BPg_2-180_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-180.png">180</a>]</span> +Have you ſeen the baby? Poor little +thing. O here it comes. Look +at him. How helpleſs he is. Four +years ago you were as feeble as this +very little boy.</p> + +<p>See, he cannot hold up his head. +He is forced to lie on his back, if his +mamma do not turn him to the right or +left ſide, he will ſoon begin to cry. +He cries to tell her, that he is tired +with lying on his back.</p> + + +<p class="center">LESSON VI.</p> + +<p>PERHAPS he is hungry. What +ſhall we give him to eat? Poor fellow, +he cannot eat. Look in his mouth, he +has no teeth.</p> + +<p>How did you do when you were a baby +like him? You cannot tell. Do you +want to know? Look then at the dog,<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-181_S" id="BPg_2-181_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-181.png">181</a>]</span> +with her pretty puppy. You could +not help yourſelf as well as the puppy. +You could only open your mouth, +when you were lying, like William, on +my knee. So I put you to my breaſt, +and you ſucked, as the puppy ſucks +now, for there was milk enough for +you.</p> + + +<p class="center">LESSON VII.</p> + +<p>WHEN you were hungry, you began +to cry, becauſe you could not ſpeak. +You were ſeven months without teeth, +always ſucking. But after you got +one, you began to gnaw a cruſt of +bread. It was not long before another +came pop. At ten months you had +four pretty white teeth, and you uſed +to bite me. Poor mamma! Still I did +not cry, becauſe I am not a child, but<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-182_S" id="BPg_2-182_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-182.png">182</a>]</span> +you hurt me very much. So I ſaid to +papa, it is time the little girl ſhould +eat. She is not naughty, yet ſhe hurts +me. I have given her a cruſt of bread, +and I muſt look for ſome other milk.</p> + +<p>The cow has got plenty, and her +jumping calf eats graſs very well. He +has got more teeth than my little girl. +Yes, ſays papa, and he tapped you on +the cheek, you are old enough to learn +to eat? Come to me, and I will teach +you, my little dear, for you muſt not +hurt poor mamma, who has given you +her milk, when you could not take any +thing elſe.</p> + + +<p class="center">LESSON VIII.</p> + +<p>YOU were then on the carpet, for +you could not walk well. So when +you were in a hurry, you uſed to run<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-183_S" id="BPg_2-183_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-183.png">183</a>]</span> +quick, quick, quick, on your hands +and feet, like the dog.</p> + +<p>Away you ran to papa, and putting +both your arms round his leg, for your +hands were not big enough, you looked +up at him, and laughed. What did +this laugh ſay, when you could not +ſpeak? Cannot you gueſs by what you +now ſay to papa?—Ah! it was, Play +with me, papa!—play with me!</p> + +<p>Papa began to ſmile, and you knew +that the ſmile was always—Yes. So +you got a ball, and papa threw it along +the floor—Roll—roll—roll; and you +ran after it again—and again. How +pleaſed you were. Look at William, +he ſmiles; but you could laugh loud—Ha! +ha! ha!—Papa laughed louder +than the little girl, and rolled the ball +ſtill faſter.</p> + +<p>Then he put the ball on a chair, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-184_S" id="BPg_2-184_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-184.png">184</a>]</span> +you were forced to take hold of the +back, and ſtand up to reach it. At +laſt you reached too far, and down you +fell: not indeed on your face, becauſe +you put out your hands. You were not +much hurt; but the palms of your +hands ſmarted with the pain, and you +began to cry, like a little child.</p> + +<p>It is only very little children who cry +when they are hurt; and it is to tell +their mamma, that ſomething is the +matter with them. Now you can come +to me, and ſay, Mamma, I have hurt +myſelf. Pray rub my hand: it ſmarts. +Put ſomething on it, to make it well. +A piece of rag, to ſtop the blood. +You are not afraid of a little blood—not +you. You ſcratched your arm with +a pin: it bled a little; but it did you +no harm. See, the ſkin is grown over +it again.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-185_S" id="BPg_2-185_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-185.png">185</a>]</span></p> +<p class="center">LESSON IX.</p> + +<p>TAKE care not to put pins in your +mouth, becauſe they will ſtick in your +throat, and give you pain. Oh! you +cannot think what pain a pin would +give you in your throat, ſhould it remain +there: but, if you by chance +ſwallow it, I ſhould be obliged to give +you, every morning, ſomething bitter +to drink. You never taſted any thing +ſo bitter! and you would grow very +ſick. I never put pins in my mouth; +but I am older than you, and know how +to take care of myſelf.</p> + +<p>My mamma took care of me, when I +was a little girl, like you. She bade +me never put any thing in my mouth, +without aſking her what it was.</p> + +<p>When you were a baby, with no more<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-186_S" id="BPg_2-186_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-186.png">186</a>]</span> +ſenſe than William, you put every thing +in your mouth to gnaw, to help your +teeth to cut through the ſkin. Look +at the puppy, how he bites that piece +of wood. William preſſes his gums +againſt my finger. Poor boy! he is ſo +young, he does not know what he is +doing. When you bite any thing, it is +becauſe you are hungry.</p> + + +<p class="center">LESSON X.</p> + +<p>SEE how much taller you are than +William. In four years you have learned +to eat, to walk, to talk. Why do you +ſmile? You can do much more, you +think: you can waſh your hands and +face. Very well. I ſhould never kiſs +a dirty face. And you can comb your +head with the pretty comb you always<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-187_S" id="BPg_2-187_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-187.png">187</a>]</span> +put by in your own drawer. To be +ſure, you do all this to be ready to take +a walk with me. You would be obliged +to ſtay at home, if you could not comb +your own hair. Betty is buſy getting +the dinner ready, and only bruſhes +William's hair, becauſe he cannot do it +for himſelf.</p> + +<p>Betty is making an apple-pye. You +love an apple-pye; but I do not bid +you make one. Your hands are not +ſtrong enough to mix the butter and +flour together; and you muſt not try to +pare the apples, becauſe you cannot +manage a great knife.</p> + +<p>Never touch the large knives: they +are very ſharp, and you might cut your +finger to the bone. You are a little +girl, and ought to have a little knife. +When you are as tall as I am, you ſhall +have a knife as large as mine; and<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-188_S" id="BPg_2-188_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-188.png">188</a>]</span> +when you are as ſtrong as I am, and +have learned to manage it, you will not +hurt yourſelf.</p> + +<p>You can trundle a hoop, you ſay; +and jump over a ſtick. O, I forgot!—and +march like the men in the red +coats, when papa plays a pretty tune on +the fiddle.</p> + + +<p class="center">LESSON XI.</p> + +<p>WHAT, you think that you ſhall +ſoon be able to dreſs yourſelf entirely? +I am glad of it: I have ſomething elſe +to do. You may go, and look for your +frock in the drawer; but I will tie it, +till you are ſtronger. Betty will tie it, +when I am buſy.</p> + +<p>I button my gown myſelf: I do not +want a maid to aſſiſt me, when I am<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-189_S" id="BPg_2-189_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-189.png">189</a>]</span> +dreſſing. But you have not yet got +ſenſe enough to do it properly, and +muſt beg ſomebody to help you, till you +are older.</p> + +<p>Children grow older and wiſer at the +ſame time. William is not able to take +a piece of meat, becauſe he has not got +the ſenſe which would make him think +that, without teeth, meat would do him +harm. He cannot tell what is good for +him.</p> + +<p>The ſenſe of children grows with +them. You know much more than +William, now you walk alone, and talk; +but you do not know as much as the +boys and girls you ſee playing yonder, +who are half as tall again as you; and +they do not know half as much as their +fathers and mothers, who are men and +women grown. Papa and I were children, +like you; and men and women<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-190_S" id="BPg_2-190_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-190.png">190</a>]</span> +took care of us. I carry William, becauſe +he is too weak to walk. I lift +you over a ſtile, and over the gutter, +when you cannot jump over it.</p> + +<p>You know already, that potatoes +will not do you any harm: but I muſt +pluck the fruit for you, till you are wiſe +enough to know the ripe apples and +pears. The hard ones would make you +ſick, and then you muſt take phyſic. +You do not love phyſic: I do not love +it any more than you. But I have more +ſenſe than you; therefore I take care +not to eat unripe fruit, or any thing elſe +that would make my ſtomach ache, or +bring out ugly red ſpots on my face.</p> + +<p>When I was a child, my mamma +choſe the fruit for me, to prevent my +making myſelf ſick. I was juſt like +you; I uſed to aſk for what I ſaw, without +knowing whether it was good or<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-191_S" id="BPg_2-191_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-191.png">191</a>]</span> +bad. Now I have lived a long time, I +know what is good; I do not want any +body to tell me.</p> + + +<p class="center">LESSON XII.</p> + +<p>LOOK at thoſe two dogs. The old +one brings the ball to me in a moment; +the young one does not know how. +He muſt be taught.</p> + +<p>I can cut your ſhift in a proper ſhape. +You would not know how to begin. +You would ſpoil it; but you will learn.</p> + +<p>John digs in the garden, and knows +when to put the ſeed in the ground. +You cannot tell whether it ſhould be in +the winter or ſummer. Try to find it +out. When do the trees put out their +leaves? In the ſpring, you ſay, after the<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-192_S" id="BPg_2-192_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-192.png">192</a>]</span> +cold weather. Fruit would not grow +ripe without very warm weather. Now +I am ſure you can gueſs why the ſummer +is the ſeaſon for fruit.</p> + +<p>Papa knows that peas and beans are +good for us to eat with our meat. You +are glad when you ſee them; but if he +did not think for you, and have the +ſeed put in the ground, we ſhould have +no peas or beans.</p> + + +<p class="center">LESSON XIII.</p> + +<p>POOR child, ſhe cannot do much for +herſelf. When I let her do any thing +for me, it is to pleaſe her: for I could +do it better myſelf.</p> + +<p>Oh! the poor puppy has tumbled +off the ſtool. Run and ſtroak him. Put<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-193_S" id="BPg_2-193_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-193.png">193</a>]</span> +a little milk in a ſaucer to comfort him. +You have more ſenſe than he. You +can pour the milk into the ſaucer without +ſpilling it. He would cry for a day +with hunger, without being able to get +it. You are wiſer than the dog, you +muſt help him. The dog will love you +for it, and run after you. I feed you +and take care of you: you love me +and follow me for it.</p> + +<p>When the book fell down on your +foot, it gave you great pain. The poor +dog felt the ſame pain juſt now.</p> + +<p>Take care not to hurt him when you +play with him. And every morning +leave a little milk in your baſon for +him. Do not forget to put the baſon +in a corner, leſt ſomebody ſhould fall +over it.</p> + +<p>When the ſnow covers the ground, +ſave the crumbs of bread for the birds. +In the ſummer they find feed enough,<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-194_S" id="BPg_2-194_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-194.png">194</a>]</span> +and do not want you to think about +them.</p> + +<p>I make broth for the poor man who +is ſick. A ſick man is like a child, he +cannot help himſelf.</p> + + +<p class="center">LESSON X.</p> + +<p>WHEN I caught cold ſome time +ago, I had ſuch a pain in my head, I +could ſcarcely hold it up. Papa +opened the door very ſoftly, becauſe +he loves me. You love me, yet you +made a noiſe. You had not the ſenſe +to know that it made my head worſe, +till papa told you.</p> + +<p>Papa had a pain in the ſtomach, and +he would not eat the fine cherries or +grapes on the table. When I brought +him a cup of camomile tea, he drank +it without ſaying a word, or making<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-195_S" id="BPg_2-195_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-195.png">195</a>]</span> +an ugly face. He knows that I love +him, and that I would not give him +any thing to drink that has a bad taſte, +if it were not to do him good.</p> + +<p>You aſked me for ſome apples when +your ſtomach ached; but I was not angry +with you. If you had been as wiſe +as papa, you would have ſaid, I will +not eat the apples to-day, I muſt take +ſome camomile tea.</p> + +<p>You ſay that you do not know how +to think. Yes; you do a little. The +other day papa was tired; he had been +walking about all the morning. After +dinner he fell aſleep on the ſopha. I +did not bid you be quiet; but you +thought of what papa ſaid to you, +when my head ached. This made you +think that you ought not to make a +noiſe, when papa was reſting himſelf. +So you came to me, and ſaid to me, +very ſoftly, Pray reach me my ball, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="BPg_2-196_S" id="BPg_2-196_S"></a>[<a href="images/v2-196.png">196</a>]</span> +I will go and play in the garden, till +papa wakes.</p> + +<p>You were going out; but thinking +again, you came back to me on your +tip-toes. Whiſper——whiſper. Pray +mama, call me, when papa wakes; +for I ſhall be afraid to open the door +to ſee, leſt I ſhould diſturb him.</p> + +<p>Away you went.—Creep—creep—and +ſhut the door as ſoftly as I could +have done myſelf.</p> + +<p>That was thinking. When a child +does wrong at firſt, ſhe does not know +any better. But, after ſhe has been told +that ſhe muſt not diſturb mama, when +poor mama is unwell, ſhe thinks herſelf, +that ſhe muſt not wake papa when +he is tired.</p> + +<p>Another day we will ſee if you can +think about any thing elſe.</p> + +<h4>THE END.</h4> + +<div class="footnotes"><h3>FOOTNOTES:</h3> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="BFootnote_175-A_11_S" id="BFootnote_175-A_11_S"></a><a href="#BFNanchor_175-A_11_S"><span class="label">[175-A]</span></a> This title which is indorſed on the back of +the manuſcript, I conclude to have been written +in a period of deſperation, in the month of +October, 1795.</p> +<p class="right"><span class="smcap">editor.</span></p></div> +</div> + + + + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-i" id="CPg_3-i"></a>[<a href="images/v3-i.png">i</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-ii" id="CPg_3-ii"></a>[<a href="images/v3-ii.png">ii</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h1><a name="V3" id="V3"></a>POSTHUMOUS WORKS</h1> +<h3>OF THE</h3> + +<h1>AUTHOR</h1> + +<h3>OF A</h3> + +<h2>VINDICATION OF THE RIGHTS OF WOMAN.</h2> +<p> </p> +<h2>IN FOUR VOLUMES.</h2> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<hr /> +<p> </p> +<h1>VOL. III.</h1> +<p> </p> +<hr /> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h4><i>LONDON:</i></h4> + +<h5>PRINTED FOR J. JOHNSON, NO. 72, ST. PAUL'S<br /> + CHURCH-YARD; AND G. G. AND J. ROBINSON,<br /> + PATERNOSTER-ROW.<br /> + 1798.</h5> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-iii" id="CPg_3-iii"></a>[<a href="images/v3-iii.png">iii</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-iv" id="CPg_3-iv"></a>[<a href="images/v3-iv.png">iv</a>]</span></p> +<hr class="full" /> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h1>LETTERS</h1> +<h3>AND</h3> +<h1>MISCELLANEOUS PIECES.</h1> + +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h2>IN TWO VOLUMES.</h2> +<p> </p> +<hr /> +<p> </p> +<h1>VOL. I.</h1> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-v" id="CPg_3-v"></a>[<a href="images/v3-v.png">v</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-vi" id="CPg_3-vi"></a>[<a href="images/v3-vi.png">vi</a>]</span></p> +<hr class="full" /> +<h2><a name="CV3_PREFACE" id="CV3_PREFACE"></a>PREFACE.</h2> + +<p><span class="smcap">The</span> following Letters may possibly +be found to contain the finest examples +of the language of sentiment and +passion ever presented to the world. +They bear a striking resemblance to +the celebrated romance of Werter, +though the incidents to which they relate +are of a very different cast. Probably +the readers to whom Werter +is incapable of affording pleasure, will +receive no delight from the present +publication. The editor apprehends<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-vii" id="CPg_3-vii"></a>[<a href="images/v3-vii.png">vii</a>]</span> +that, in the judgment of those best +qualified to decide upon the comparison, +these Letters will be admitted to +have the superiority over the fiction of +Goethe. They are the offspring of a +glowing imagination, and a heart penetrated +with the passion it essays to describe.</p> + +<p>To the series of letters constituting +the principal article in these two volumes, +are added various pieces, none +of which, it is hoped, will be found +discreditable to the talents of the author. +The slight fragment of Letters on +the Management of Infants, may be +thought a trifle; but it seems to have +some value, as presenting to us with +vividness the intention of the writer on<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-viii" id="CPg_3-viii"></a>[<a href="images/v3-viii.png">viii</a>]</span> +this important subject. The publication +of a few select Letters to Mr. +Johnson, appeared to be at once a just +monument to the sincerity of his friendship, +and a valuable and interesting +specimen of the mind of the writer. +The Letter on the Present Character +of the French Nation, the Extract of +the Cave of Fancy, a Tale, and the +Hints for the Second Part of the Rights +of Woman, may, I believe, safely be +left to speak for themselves. The Essay +on Poetry and our Relish for the Beauties +of Nature, appeared in the Monthly +Magazine for April last, and is the +only piece in this collection which has +previously found its way to the press.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-ix" id="CPg_3-ix"></a>[<a href="images/v3-ix.png">ix</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-1" id="CPg_3-1"></a>[<a href="images/v3-1.png">1</a>]</span></p> + +<hr class="full" /> +<h2><a name="CV3_LETTERS" id="CV3_LETTERS"></a>LETTERS.</h2> + + +<h4>LETTER I</h4> + +<p class="right">Two o'Clock.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">My</span> dear love, after making my +arrangements for our snug dinner to-day, +I have been taken by storm, +and obliged to promise to dine, at +an early hour, with the Miss ——s, +the <i>only</i> day they intend to pass here. +I shall however leave the key in the +door, and hope to find you at my +fire-side when I return, about eight +o'clock. Will you not wait for poor +Joan?—whom you will find better, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-2" id="CPg_3-2"></a>[<a href="images/v3-2.png">2</a>]</span> +till then think very affectionately of +her.</p> + +<p class="right">Yours, truly,                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<p>I am sitting down to dinner; so do +not send an answer.</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER II</h4> + +<p class="right">Past Twelve o'Clock, Monday night.</p> + +<p class="right">[August.]       </p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I obey</span> an emotion of my heart, +which made me think of wishing thee, +my love, good-night! before I go to +rest, with more tenderness than I can +to-morrow, when writing a hasty line +or two under Colonel ——'s eye. You +can scarcely imagine with what pleasure +I anticipate the day, when we are<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-3" id="CPg_3-3"></a>[<a href="images/v3-3.png">3</a>]</span> +to begin almost to live together; and +you would smile to hear how many +plans of employment I have in my head, +now that I am confident my heart has +found peace in your bosom.—Cherish +me with that dignified tenderness, +which I have only found in you; and +your own dear girl will try to keep under +a quickness of feeling, that has +sometimes given you pain—Yes, I will +be <i>good</i>, that I may deserve to be happy; +and whilst you love me, I cannot +again fall into the miserable state, which +rendered life a burthen almost too heavy +to be borne.</p> + +<p>But, good-night!—God bless you! +Sterne says, that is equal to a kiss—yet +I would rather give you the kiss into +the bargain, glowing with gratitude to +Heaven, and affection to you. I like +the word affection, because it signifies<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-4" id="CPg_3-4"></a>[<a href="images/v3-4.png">4</a>]</span> +something habitual; and we are soon to +meet, to try whether we have mind +enough to keep our hearts warm.</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<p>I will be at the barrier a little after +ten o'clock to-morrow<a name="FNanchor_4-A_12" id="CFNanchor_4-A_12"></a><a href="#CFootnote_4-A_12" class="fnanchor">[4-A]</a>.—Yours—</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER III</h4> + +<p class="right">Wednesday Morning.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">You</span> have often called me, dear girl, +but you would now say good, did you +know how very attentive I have been +to the —— ever since I came to Paris. +I am not however going to trouble<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-5" id="CPg_3-5"></a>[<a href="images/v3-5.png">5</a>]</span> +you with the account, because I like to +see your eyes praise me; and, Milton +insinuates, that, during such recitals, +there are interruptions, not ungrateful +to the heart, when the honey that drops +from the lips is not merely words.</p> + +<p>Yet, I shall not (let me tell you before +these people enter, to force me to +huddle away my letter) be content with +only a kiss of <span class="smcap">duty</span>—you <i>must</i> be glad to +see me—because you are glad—or I will +make love to the <i>shade</i> of Mirabeau, to +whom my heart continually turned, +whilst I was talking with Madame +——, forcibly telling me, that it will +ever have sufficient warmth to love, +whether I will or not, sentiment, though +I so highly respect principle.——</p> + +<p>Not that I think Mirabeau utterly +devoid of principles—Far from it—and, +if I had not begun to form a new the<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-6" id="CPg_3-6"></a>[<a href="images/v3-6.png">6</a>]</span>ory +respecting men, I should, in the vanity +of my heart, have <i>imagined</i> that <i>I</i> +could have made something of his——it +was composed of such materials—Hush! +here they come—and love flies +away in the twinkling of an eye, leaving +a little brush of his wing on my +pale cheeks.</p> + +<p>I hope to see Dr. —— this morning; +I am going to Mr. ——'s to meet him. +——, and some others, are invited to +dine with us to-day; and to-morrow I +am to spend the day with ——.</p> + +<p>I shall probably not be able to return +to —— to-morrow; but it is no matter, +because I must take a carriage, I +have so many books, that I immediately +want, to take with me.—On Friday +then I shall expect you to dine +with me—and, if you come a little before +dinner, it is so long since I have<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-7" id="CPg_3-7"></a>[<a href="images/v3-7.png">7</a>]</span> +seen you, you will not be scolded by +yours affectionately</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER IV<a name="FNanchor_7-A_13" id="CFNanchor_7-A_13"></a><a href="#CFootnote_7-A_13" class="fnanchor">[7-A]</a>.</h4> + +<p class="right">Friday Morning [September.]</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">A man</span>, whom a letter from Mr. —— +previously announced, called here yesterday +for the payment of a draft; and, +as he seemed disappointed at not finding +you at home, I sent him to Mr. ——. +I have since seen him, and he tells me +that he has settled the business.</p> + +<p>So much for business!—May I venture +to talk a little longer about less +weighty affairs?—How are you?—I<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-8" id="CPg_3-8"></a>[<a href="images/v3-8.png">8</a>]</span> +have been following you all along the +road this comfortless weather; for, +when I am absent from those I love, my +imagination is as lively, as if my senses +had never been gratified by their presence—I +was going to say caresses—and +why should I not? I have found out +that I have more mind than you, in one +respect; because I can, without any +violent effort of reason, find food for +love in the same object, much longer +than you can.—The way to my senses +is through my heart; but, forgive me! +I think there is sometimes a shorter cut +to yours.</p> + +<p>With ninety-nine men out of a hundred, +a very sufficient dash of folly is +necessary to render a woman <i>piquante</i>, a +soft word for desirable; and, beyond +these casual ebullitions of sympathy, +few look for enjoyment by fostering a<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-9" id="CPg_3-9"></a>[<a href="images/v3-9.png">9</a>]</span> +passion in their hearts. One reason, in +short, why I wish my whole sex to become +wiser, is, that the foolish ones +may not, by their pretty folly, rob those +whose sensibility keeps down their vanity, +of the few roses that afford them +some solace in the thorny road of life.</p> + +<p>I do not know how I fell into these +reflections, excepting one thought produced +it—that these continual separations +were necessary to warm your affection.—Of +late, we are always separating.—Crack!—crack!—and away +you go.—This joke wears the sallow +cast of thought; for, though I began to +write cheerfully, some melancholy tears +have found their way into my eyes, that +linger there, whilst a glow of tenderness +at my heart whispers that you are one +of the best creatures in the world.—Pardon +then the vagaries of a mind,<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-10" id="CPg_3-10"></a>[<a href="images/v3-10.png">10</a>]</span> +that has been almost "crazed by care," +as well as "crossed in hapless love," +and bear with me a <i>little</i> longer!—When +we are settled in the country together, +more duties will open before me, and +my heart, which now, trembling into +peace, is agitated by every emotion that +awakens the remembrance of old griefs, +will learn to rest on yours, with that +dignity your character, not to talk of +my own, demands.</p> + +<p>Take care of yourself—and write +soon to your own girl (you may add +dear, if you please) who sincerely loves +you, and will try to convince you of it, +by becoming happier.</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-11" id="CPg_3-11"></a>[<a href="images/v3-11.png">11</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER V</h4> + +<p class="right">Sunday Night.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I have</span> just received your letter, and +feel as if I could not go to bed tranquilly +without saying a few words in reply—merely +to tell you, that my mind is serene, +and my heart affectionate.</p> + +<p>Ever since you last saw me inclined +to faint, I have felt some gentle twitches, +which make me begin to think, that I +am nourishing a creature who will soon +be sensible of my care.—This thought +has not only produced an overflowing of +tenderness to you, but made me very +attentive to calm my mind and take +exercise, lest I should destroy an object, +in whom we are to have a mutual interest, +you know. Yesterday—do not +smile!—finding that I had hurt myself<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-12" id="CPg_3-12"></a>[<a href="images/v3-12.png">12</a>]</span> +by lifting precipitately a large log of +wood, I sat down in an agony, till I felt +those said twitches again.</p> + +<p>Are you very busy?</p> + +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> + +<p>So you may reckon on its being finished +soon, though not before you come +home, unless you are detained longer +than I now allow myself to believe you +will.—</p> + +<p>Be that as it may, write to me, my +best love, and bid me be patient—kindly—and +the expressions of kindness +will again beguile the time, as sweetly +as they have done to-night.—Tell me +also over and over again, that your +happiness (and you deserve to be<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-13" id="CPg_3-13"></a>[<a href="images/v3-13.png">13</a>]</span> +happy!) is closely connected with +mine, and I will try to dissipate, as they +rise, the fumes of former discontent, +that have too often clouded the sunshine, +which you have endeavoured to diffuse +through my mind. God bless you! +Take care of yourself, and remember +with tenderness your affectionate</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<p>I am going to rest very happy, and +you have made me so.—This is the +kindest good-night I can utter.</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-14" id="CPg_3-14"></a>[<a href="images/v3-14.png">14</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER VI</h4> + +<p class="right">Friday Morning.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I am</span> glad to find that other people +can be unreasonable, as well as myself—for +be it known to thee, that I answered +thy <i>first</i> letter, the very night it +reached me (Sunday), though thou +couldst not receive it before Wednesday, +because it was not sent off till the +next day.—There is a full, true, and +particular account.—</p> + +<p>Yet I am not angry with thee, my +love, for I think that it is a proof of +stupidity, and likewise of a milk-and-water +affection, which comes to the +same thing, when the temper is governed +by a square and compass.—There is +nothing picturesque in this straight-<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-15" id="CPg_3-15"></a>[<a href="images/v3-15.png">15</a>]</span>lined +equality, and the passions always +give grace to the actions.</p> + +<p>Recollection now makes my heart +bound to thee; but, it is not to thy +money-getting face, though I cannot +be seriously displeased with the exertion +which increases my esteem, or +rather is what I should have expected +from thy character.—No; I have thy +honest countenance before me—Pop—relaxed +by tenderness; a little—little +wounded by my whims; and thy eyes +glistening with sympathy.—Thy lips +then feel softer than soft—and I rest my +cheek on thine, forgetting all the +world.—I have not left the hue of love +out of the picture—the rosy glow; and +fancy has spread it over my own cheeks, +I believe, for I feel them burning, +whilst a delicious tear trembles in my +eye, that would be all your own, if a<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-16" id="CPg_3-16"></a>[<a href="images/v3-16.png">16</a>]</span> +grateful emotion directed to the Father +of nature, who has made me thus +alive to happiness, did not give more +warmth to the sentiment it divides—I +must pause a moment.</p> + +<p>Need I tell you that I am tranquil +after writing thus?—I do not know +why, but I have more confidence in +your affection, when absent, than present; +nay, I think that you must love +me, for, in the sincerity of my heart +let me say it, I believe I deserve your +tenderness, because I am true, and +have a degree of sensibility that you +can see and relish.</p> + +<p class="right">Yours sincerely                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-17" id="CPg_3-17"></a>[<a href="images/v3-17.png">17</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER VII</h4> + +<p class="right">Sunday Morning [December 29.]</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">You</span> seem to have taken up your +abode at H——. Pray sir! when do +you think of coming home? or, to +write very considerately, when will +business permit you? I shall expect +(as the country people say in England) +that you will make a <i>power</i> of money to +indemnify me for your absence.</p> + +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-18" id="CPg_3-18"></a>[<a href="images/v3-18.png">18</a>]</span></p> +<p>Well! but, my love, to the old story—am +I to see you this week, or this +month?—I do not know what you are +about—for, as you did not tell me, I +would not ask Mr. ——, who is generally +pretty communicative.</p> + +<p>I long to see Mrs. ———; not to +hear from you, so do not give yourself +airs, but to get a letter from Mr. ——. +And I am half angry with you for not +informing me whether she had brought +one with her or not.—On this score I +will cork up some of the kind things +that were ready to drop from my pen, +which has never been dipt in gall when +addressing you; or, will only suffer an +exclamation—"The creature!" or a +kind look, to escape me, when I pass +the slippers—which I could not remove +from my <i>salle</i> door, though they are +not the handsomest of their kind.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-19" id="CPg_3-19"></a>[<a href="images/v3-19.png">19</a>]</span> +Be not too anxious to get money!—for +nothing worth having is to be purchased. +God bless you.</p> + +<p class="right">Yours affectionately                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER VIII</h4> + +<p class="right">Monday Night [December 30.]</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">My</span> best love, your letter to-night +was particularly grateful to my heart, +depressed by the letters I received by +——, for he brought me several, and +the parcel of books directed to Mr. +——— was for me. Mr. ———'s +letter was long and very affectionate; +but the account he gives me of his own<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-20" id="CPg_3-20"></a>[<a href="images/v3-20.png">20</a>]</span> +affairs, though he obviously makes the +best of them, has vexed me.</p> + +<p>A melancholy letter from my sister +——— has also harrassed my mind—that +from my brother would have given +me sincere pleasure; but for    —    —</p> + +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> + + +<p>There is a spirit of independence in +his letter, that will please you; and you +shall see it, when we are once more over +the fire together.—I think that you +would hail him as a brother, with one<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-21" id="CPg_3-21"></a>[<a href="images/v3-21.png">21</a>]</span> +of your tender looks, when your heart +not only gives a lustre to your eye, but +a dance of playfulness, that he would +meet with a glow half made up of bashfulness, +and a desire to please the——where +shall I find a word to express +the relationship which subsists between +us?—Shall I ask the little twitcher?—But +I have dropt half the sentence +that was to tell you how much he +would be inclined to love the man loved +by his sister. I have been fancying myself +sitting between you, ever since I +began to write, and my heart has leaped +at the thought!—You see how I chat +to you.</p> + +<p>I did not receive your letter till I +came home; and I did not expect it, +for the post came in much later than +usual. It was a cordial to me—and I +wanted one.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-22" id="CPg_3-22"></a>[<a href="images/v3-22.png">22</a>]</span> +Mr. —— tells me that he has written +again and again.—Love him a little!—It +would be a kind of separation, if you +did not love those I love.</p> + +<p>There was so much considerate tenderness +in your epistle to-night, that, if +it has not made you dearer to me, it has +made me forcibly feel how very dear +you are to me, by charming away half +my cares.</p> + +<p class="right">Yours affectionately                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER IX</h4> + +<p class="right">Tuesday Morning [December 31.]</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Though</span> I have just sent a letter off, +yet, as captain —— offers to take one, +I am not willing to let him go without +a kind greeting, because trifles of this<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-23" id="CPg_3-23"></a>[<a href="images/v3-23.png">23</a>]</span> +sort, without having any effect on my +mind, damp my spirits:—and you, with +all your struggles to be manly, have +some of this same sensibility.—Do not +bid it begone, for I love to see it +striving to master your features; besides, +these kind of sympathies are the life of +affection: and why, in cultivating our +understandings, should we try to dry up +these springs of pleasure, which gush +out to give a freshness to days browned +by care!</p> + +<p>The books sent to me are such as +we may read together; so I shall not +look into them till you return; when +you shall read, whilst I mend my stockings.</p> + +<p class="right">Yours truly                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-24" id="CPg_3-24"></a>[<a href="images/v3-24.png">24</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER X</h4> + +<p class="right">Wednesday Night [January 1.]</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">As</span> I have been, you tell me, three +days without writing, I ought not to +complain of two: yet, as I expected to +receive a letter this afternoon, I am +hurt; and why should I, by concealing +it, affect the heroism I do not feel?</p> + +<p>I hate commerce. How differently +must ———'s head and heart be organized +from mine! You will tell me, +that exertions are necessary: I am +weary of them! The face of things, +public and private, vexes me. The +"peace" and clemency which seemed +to be dawning a few days ago, disappear +again. "I am fallen," as Milton said, +"on evil days;" for I really believe<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-25" id="CPg_3-25"></a>[<a href="images/v3-25.png">25</a>]</span> +that Europe will be in a state of convulsion, +during half a century at least. +Life is but a labour of patience: it is +always rolling a great stone up a hill; +for, before a person can find a resting-place, +imagining it is lodged, down it +comes again, and all the work is to be +done over anew!</p> + +<p>Should I attempt to write any more, +I could not change the strain. My head +aches, and my heart is heavy. The +world appears an "unweeded garden," +where "things rank and vile" flourish +best.</p> + +<p>If you do not return soon—or, which +is no such mighty matter, talk of it—I +will throw your slippers out at +window, and be off—nobody knows +where.</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-26" id="CPg_3-26"></a>[<a href="images/v3-26.png">26</a>]</span></p> +<p>Finding that I was observed, I told +the good women, the two Mrs. ——s, +simply that I was with child: and let +them stare! and ———, and ———, +nay, all the world, may know it for +aught I care!—Yet I wish to avoid +———'s coarse jokes.</p> + +<p>Considering the care and anxiety a +woman must have about a child before +it comes into the world, it seems to +me, by a <i>natural right</i>, to belong to +her. When men get immersed in the +world, they seem to lose all sensations, +excepting those necessary to continue or +produce life!—Are these the privileges +of reason? Amongst the feathered race, +whilst the hen keeps the young warm, +her mate stays by to cheer her; but it +is sufficient for man to condescend to +get a child, in order to claim it.—A +man is a tyrant!</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-27" id="CPg_3-27"></a>[<a href="images/v3-27.png">27</a>]</span> +You may now tell me, that, if it were +not for me, you would be laughing +away with some honest fellows in L—n. +The casual exercise of social sympathy +would not be sufficient for me—I should +not think such an heartless life worth +preserving.—It is necessary to be in +good-humour with you, to be pleased +with the world.</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p class="right">Thursday Morning.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I was</span> very low-spirited last night, +ready to quarrel with your cheerful +temper, which makes absence easy to +you.—And, why should I mince the +the matter? I was offended at your not +even mentioning it.—I do not want to +be loved like a goddess; but I wish to +be necessary to you. God bless you<a name="FNanchor_27-A_14" id="CFNanchor_27-A_14"></a><a href="#CFootnote_27-A_14" class="fnanchor">[27-A]</a>!</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-28" id="CPg_3-28"></a>[<a href="images/v3-28.png">28</a>]</span></p> + +<h4>LETTER XI</h4> + +<p class="right">Monday Night.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I have</span> just received your kind and +rational letter, and would fain hide my +face, glowing with shame for my folly.—I +would hide it in your bosom, if you +would again open it to me, and nestle +closely till you bade my fluttering +heart be still, by saying that you forgave +me. With eyes overflowing with +tears, and in the humblest attitude, I +intreat you.—Do not turn from me, for +indeed I love you fondly, and have been +very wretched, since the night I was so +cruelly hurt by thinking that you had +no confidence in me——</p> + +<p>It is time for me to grow more reasonable, +a few more of these caprices +of sensibility would destroy me. I have,<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-29" id="CPg_3-29"></a>[<a href="images/v3-29.png">29</a>]</span> +in fact, been very much indisposed for +a few days past, and the notion that I +was tormenting, or perhaps killing, a +poor little animal, about whom I am +grown anxious and tender, now I feel +it alive, made me worse. My bowels +have been dreadfully disordered, and +every thing I ate or drank disagreed +with my stomach; still I feel intimations +of its existence, though they have been +fainter.</p> + +<p>Do you think that the creature goes +regularly to sleep? I am ready to ask as +many questions as Voltaire's Man of +Forty Crowns. Ah! do not continue to +be angry with me! You perceive that I +am already smiling through my tears—You +have lightened my heart, and my +frozen spirits are melting into playfulness.</p> + +<p>Write the moment you receive this.<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-30" id="CPg_3-30"></a>[<a href="images/v3-30.png">30</a>]</span> +I shall count the minutes. But drop +not an angry word—I cannot now bear +it. Yet, if you think I deserve a scolding +(it does not admit of a question, I +grant), wait till you come back—and +then, if you are angry one day, I shall +be sure of seeing you the next.</p> + +<p>——— did not write to you, I suppose, +because he talked of going to +H——. Hearing that I was ill, he called +very kindly on me, not dreaming that +it was some words that he incautiously +let fall, which rendered me so.</p> + +<p>God bless you, my love; do not shut +your heart against a return of tenderness; +and, as I now in fancy cling to +you, be more than ever my support.—Feel +but as affectionate when you read +this letter, as I did writing it, and you +will make happy, your</p> +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-31" id="CPg_3-31"></a>[<a href="images/v3-31.png">31</a>]</span></p> + +<h4>LETTER XII</h4> + +<p class="right">Wednesday Morning.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I will</span> never, if I am not entirely +cured of quarrelling, begin to encourage +"quick-coming fancies," when +we are separated. Yesterday, my love, +I could not open your letter for some +time; and, though it was not half as +severe as I merited, it threw me into +such a fit of trembling, as seriously +alarmed me. I did not, as you may +suppose, care for a little pain on my +own account; but all the fears which +I have had for a few days past, returned +with fresh force. This morning I am +better; will you not be glad to hear it? +You perceive that sorrow has almost +made a child of me, and that I want to +be soothed to peace.</p> + +<p>One thing you mistake in my cha<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-32" id="CPg_3-32"></a>[<a href="images/v3-32.png">32</a>]</span>racter, +and imagine that to be coldness +which is just the contrary. For, when +I am hurt by the person most dear to +me, I must let out a whole torrent of +emotions, in which tenderness would +be uppermost, or stifle them altogether; +and it appears to me almost a duty to +stifle them, when I imagine <i>that I am +treated with coldness</i>.</p> + +<p>I am afraid that I have vexed you, +my own ——. I know the quickness +of your feelings—and let me, in the +sincerity of my heart, assure you, there +is nothing I would not suffer to make +you happy. My own happiness wholly +depends on you—and, knowing you, +when my reason is not clouded, I look +forward to a rational prospect of as much +felicity as the earth affords—with a little +dash of rapture into the bargain, if +you will look at me, when we meet<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-33" id="CPg_3-33"></a>[<a href="images/v3-33.png">33</a>]</span> +again, as you have sometimes greeted, +your humbled, yet most affectionate</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER XIII</h4> + +<p class="right">Thursday Night.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I have</span> been wishing the time away, +my kind love, unable to rest till I knew +that my penitential letter had reached +your hand—and this afternoon, when +your tender epistle of Tuesday gave +such exquisite pleasure to your poor +sick girl, her heart smote her to think +that you were still to receive another +cold one.—Burn it also, my ——; yet +do not forget that even those letters +were full of love; and I shall ever recollect, +that you did not wait to be +mollified by my penitence, before you +took me again to your heart.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-34" id="CPg_3-34"></a>[<a href="images/v3-34.png">34</a>]</span> +I have been unwell, and would not, +now I am recovering, take a journey, +because I have been seriously alarmed +and angry with myself, dreading continually +the fatal consequence of my +folly.—But, should you think it right +to remain at H—, I shall find some opportunity, +in the course of a fortnight, +or less perhaps, to come to you, and +before then I shall be strong again.—Yet +do not be uneasy! I am really better, +and never took such care of myself, as +I have done since you restored my peace +of mind. The girl is come to warm +my bed—so I will tenderly say, good +night! and write a line or two in the +morning.</p> + +<p class="right">Morning.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I wish</span> you were here to walk +with me this fine morning! yet your +absence shall not prevent me. I have +stayed at home too much; though,<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-35" id="CPg_3-35"></a>[<a href="images/v3-35.png">35</a>]</span> +when I was so dreadfully out of spirits, +I was careless of every thing.</p> + +<p>I will now sally forth (you will go +with me in my heart) and try whether +this fine bracing <ins class="err" title="Transcriber's Note: original reads 'a r'">air</ins> will not give the +vigour to the poor babe, it had, before +I so inconsiderately gave way to the +grief that deranged my bowels, and +gave a turn to my whole system.</p> + +<p class="right">Yours truly                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *    * * * * *</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-36" id="CPg_3-36"></a>[<a href="images/v3-36.png">36</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER XIV</h4> + +<p class="right">Saturday Morning.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">The</span> two or three letters, which I +have written to you lately, my love, will +serve as an answer to your explanatory +one. I cannot but respect your motives +and conduct. I always respected +them; and was only hurt, by what +seemed to me a want of confidence, and +consequently affection.—I thought also, +that if you were obliged to stay three +months at H—, I might as well have +been with you.—Well! well, what signifies +what I brooded over—Let us now +be friends!</p> + +<p>I shall probably receive a letter from +you to-day, sealing my pardon—and I +will be careful not to torment you with<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-37" id="CPg_3-37"></a>[<a href="images/v3-37.png">37</a>]</span> +my querulous humours, at least, till I +see you again. Act as circumstances +direct, and I will not enquire when +they will permit you to return, convinced +that you will hasten to your +* * * *, when you have attained (or +lost sight of) the object of your journey.</p> + +<p>What a picture have you sketched of +our fire-side! Yes, my love, my fancy +was instantly at work, and I found my +head on your shoulder, whilst my eyes +were fixed on the little creatures that +were clinging about your knees. I did +not absolutely determine that there +should be six—if you have not set your +heart on this round number.</p> + +<p>I am going to dine with Mrs. ——. +I have not been to visit her since the +first day she came to Paris. I wish +indeed to be out in the air as much as +I can; for the exercise I have taken<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-38" id="CPg_3-38"></a>[<a href="images/v3-38.png">38</a>]</span> +these two or three days past, has been +of such service to me, that I hope +shortly to tell you, that I am quite well. +I have scarcely slept before last night, +and then not much.—The two Mrs. +———s have been very anxious and +tender.</p> + +<p class="right">Yours truly                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<p>I need not desire you to give the +colonel a good bottle of wine.</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER XV</h4> + +<p class="right">Sunday Morning.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I wrote</span> to you yesterday, my ——; +but, finding that the colonel is still detained +(for his passport was forgotten at +the office yesterday) I am not willing to<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-39" id="CPg_3-39"></a>[<a href="images/v3-39.png">39</a>]</span> +let so many days elapse without your +hearing from me, after having talked +of illness and apprehensions.</p> + +<p>I cannot boast of being quite recovered, +yet I am (I must use my Yorkshire +phrase; for, when my heart is +warm, pop come the expressions of +childhood into my head) so <i>lightsome</i>, +that I think it will not <i>go badly with +me</i>.—And nothing shall be wanting on +my part, I assure you; for I am urged +on, not only by an enlivened affection +for you, but by a new-born tenderness +that plays cheerly round my dilating +heart.</p> + +<p>I was therefore, in defiance of cold +and dirt, out in the air the greater part +of yesterday; and, if I get over this +evening without a return of the fever +that has tormented me, I shall talk no +more of illness. I have promised the<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-40" id="CPg_3-40"></a>[<a href="images/v3-40.png">40</a>]</span> +little creature, that its mother, who +ought to cherish it, will not again +plague it, and begged it to pardon me; +and, since I could not hug either it or +you to my breast, I have to my heart.—I +am afraid to read over this prattle—but +it is only for your eye.</p> + +<p>I have been seriously vexed, to find +that, whilst you were harrassed by impediments +in your undertakings, I was +giving you additional uneasiness.—If +you can make any of your plans answer—it +is well, I do not think a <i>little</i> money +inconvenient; but, should they fail, we +will struggle cheerfully together—drawn +closer by the pinching blasts of +poverty.</p> + +<p>Adieu, my love! Write often to +your poor girl, and write long letters; +for I not only like them for being longer, +but because more heart steals into them;<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-41" id="CPg_3-41"></a>[<a href="images/v3-41.png">41</a>]</span> +and I am happy to catch your heart +whenever I can.</p> + +<p class="right">Yours sincerely                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER XVI</h4> + +<p class="right">Tuesday Morning.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I seize</span> this opportunity to inform +you, that I am to set out on Thursday +with Mr. ———, and hope to tell you +soon (on your lips) how glad I shall be +to see you. I have just got my passport, +so I do not foresee any impediment to +my reaching H——, to bid you good-night +next Friday in my new apartment—where +I am to meet you and love, in +spite of care, to smile me to sleep—for +I have not caught much rest since +we parted.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-42" id="CPg_3-42"></a>[<a href="images/v3-42.png">42</a>]</span> +You have, by your tenderness and +worth, twisted yourself more artfully +round my heart, than I supposed possible.—Let +me indulge the thought, +that I have thrown out some tendrils to +cling to the elm by which I wish to be +supported.—This is talking a new language +for me!—But, knowing that I +am not a parasite-plant, I am willing to +receive the proofs of affection, that +every pulse replies to, when I think of +being once more in the same house +with you.—God bless you!</p> + +<p class="right">Yours truly                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-43" id="CPg_3-43"></a>[<a href="images/v3-43.png">43</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER XVII</h4> + +<p class="right">Wednesday Morning.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I only</span> send this as an <i>avant-coureur</i>, +without jack-boots, to tell you, that I am +again on the wing, and hope to be with +you a few hours after you receive it. I +shall find you well, and composed, I +am sure; or, more properly speaking, +cheerful.—What is the reason that my +spirits are not as manageable as yours? +Yet, now I think of it, I will not allow +that your temper is even, though +I have promised myself, in order to +obtain my own forgiveness, that I will +not ruffle it for a long, long time—I am +afraid to say never.</p> + +<p>Farewell for a moment!—Do not<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-44" id="CPg_3-44"></a>[<a href="images/v3-44.png">44</a>]</span> +forget that I am driving towards you +in person! My mind, unfettered, has +flown to you long since, or rather has +never left you.</p> + +<p>I am well, and have no apprehension +that I shall find the journey too fatiguing, +when I follow the lead of my +heart.—With my face turned to H— +my spirits will not sink—and my mind +has always hitherto enabled my body +to do whatever I wished.</p> + +<p class="right">Yours affectionately                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-45" id="CPg_3-45"></a>[<a href="images/v3-45.png">45</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER XVIII</h4> + +<p class="right">H—, Thursday Morning, March 12.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">We</span> are such creatures of habit, my +love, that, though I cannot say I was +sorry, childishly so, for your going, +when I knew that you were to stay such +a short time, and I had a plan of employment; +yet I could not sleep.—I +turned to your side of the bed, and +tried to make the most of the comfort +of the pillow, which you used to tell +me I was churlish about; but all would +not do.—I took nevertheless my walk +before breakfast, though the weather +was not very inviting—and here I am, +wishing you a finer day, and seeing you +peep over my shoulder, as I write, with +one of your kindest looks—when your<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-46" id="CPg_3-46"></a>[<a href="images/v3-46.png">46</a>]</span> +eyes glisten, and a suffusion creeps over +your relaxing features.</p> + +<p>But I do not mean to dally with you +this morning—So God bless you! Take +care of yourself—and sometimes fold to +your heart your affectionate</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER XIX</h4> + +<p><span class="smcap">DO</span> not call me stupid, for leaving +on the table the little bit of paper I was +to inclose.—This comes of being in +love at the fag-end of a letter of business.—You +know, you say, they will +not chime together.—I had got you by +the fire-side, with the <i>gigot</i> smoking on +the board, to lard your poor bare ribs—and +behold, I closed my letter with<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-47" id="CPg_3-47"></a>[<a href="images/v3-47.png">47</a>]</span>out +taking the paper up, that was directly +under my eyes!—What had I got +in them to render me so blind?—I give +you leave to answer the question, if you +will not scold; for I am</p> + +<p class="right">Yours most affectionately                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER XX</h4> + +<p class="right">Sunday, August 17.</p> + +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> + + +<p>I have promised ——— to go with +him to his country-house, where he is +now permitted to dine—I, and the little +darling, to be sure<a name="FNanchor_47-A_15" id="CFNanchor_47-A_15"></a><a href="#CFootnote_47-A_15" class="fnanchor">[47-A]</a>—whom I cannot<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-48" id="CPg_3-48"></a>[<a href="images/v3-48.png">48</a>]</span> +help kissing with more fondness, since +you left us. I think I shall enjoy the +fine prospect, and that it will rather +enliven, than satiate my imagination.</p> + +<p>I have called on Mrs. ———. She +has the manners of a gentlewoman, +with a dash of the easy French coquetry, +which renders her <i>piquante</i>.—But <i>Monsieur</i> +her husband, whom nature never +dreamed of casting in either the mould +of a gentleman or lover, makes but an +aukward figure in the foreground of +the picture.</p> + +<p>The H——s are very ugly, without +doubt—and the house smelt of commerce +from top to toe—so that his +abortive attempt to display taste, only +proved it to be one of the things not to +be bought with gold. I was in a room +a moment alone, and my attention was +attracted by the <i>pendule</i>—A nymph was<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-49" id="CPg_3-49"></a>[<a href="images/v3-49.png">49</a>]</span> +offering up her vows before a smoking +altar, to a fat-bottomed Cupid (saving +your presence), who was kicking his +heels in the air.—Ah! kick on, thought +I; for the demon of traffic will ever +fright away the loves and graces, that +streak with the rosy beams of infant +fancy the <i>sombre</i> day of life—whilst the +imagination, not allowing us to see +things as they are, enables us to catch +a hasty draught of the running stream +of delight, the thirst for which seems to +be given only to tantalize us.</p> + +<p>But I am philosophizing; nay, perhaps +you will call me severe, and bid +me let the square-headed money-getters +alone.—Peace to them! though none +of the social sprites (and there are not a +few of different descriptions, who sport +about the various inlets to my heart) +gave me a twitch to restrain my pen.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-50" id="CPg_3-50"></a>[<a href="images/v3-50.png">50</a>]</span> +I have been writing on, expecting +poor ——— to come; for, when I +began, I merely thought of business; +and, as this is the idea that most naturally +associates with your image, I wonder +I stumbled on any other.</p> + +<p>Yet, as common life, in my opinion, +is scarcely worth having, even with a +<i>gigot</i> every day, and a pudding added +thereunto, I will allow you to cultivate +my judgment, if you will permit me to +keep alive the sentiments in your heart, +which may be termed romantic, because, +the offspring of the senses and +the imagination, they resemble the +mother more than the father<a name="FNanchor_50-A_16" id="CFNanchor_50-A_16"></a><a href="#CFootnote_50-A_16" class="fnanchor">[50-A]</a>, when +they produce the suffusion I admire.—In +spite of icy age, I hope still to see it,<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-51" id="CPg_3-51"></a>[<a href="images/v3-51.png">51</a>]</span> +if you have not determined only to +eat and drink, and be stupidly useful +to the stupid—</p> + +<p class="right">Yours                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER XXI</h4> + +<p class="right">H—, August 19, Tuesday.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I received</span> both your letters to-day—I +had reckoned on hearing from you +yesterday, therefore was disappointed, +though I imputed your silence to the +right cause. I intended answering +your kind letter immediately, that you +might have felt the pleasure it gave +me; but ——— came in, and some<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-52" id="CPg_3-52"></a>[<a href="images/v3-52.png">52</a>]</span> +other things interrupted me; so that +the fine vapour has evaporated—yet, +leaving a sweet scent behind, I have +only to tell you, what is sufficiently +obvious, that the earnest desire I have +shown to keep my place, or gain more +ground in your heart, is a sure proof +how necessary your affection is to my +happiness.—Still I do not think it false +delicacy, or foolish pride, to wish that +your attention to my happiness should +arise <i>as much</i> from love, which is always +rather a selfish passion, as reason—that +is, I want you to promote my +felicity, by seeking your own.—For, +whatever pleasure it may give me to +discover your generosity of soul, I +would not be dependent for your affection +on the very quality I most admire. +No; there are qualities in your +heart, which demand my affection;<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-53" id="CPg_3-53"></a>[<a href="images/v3-53.png">53</a>]</span> +but, unless the attachment appears to +me clearly mutual, I shall labour only +to esteem your character, instead of +cherishing a tenderness for your person.</p> + +<p>I write in a hurry, because the little +one, who has been sleeping a long time, +begins to call for me. Poor thing! +when I am sad, I lament that all my +affections grow on me, till they become +too strong for my peace, though they +all afford me snatches of exquisite enjoyment—This +for our little girl was at +first very reasonable—more the effect +of reason, a sense of duty, than feeling—now, +she has got into my heart +and imagination, and when I walk out +without her, her little figure is ever +dancing before me.</p> + +<p>You too have somehow clung round +my heart—I found I could not eat my<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-54" id="CPg_3-54"></a>[<a href="images/v3-54.png">54</a>]</span> +dinner in the great room—and, when +I took up the large knife to carve for +myself, tears rushed into my eyes.—Do +not however suppose that I am melancholy—for, +when you are from me, +I not only wonder how I can find fault +with you—but how I can doubt your +affection.</p> + +<p>I will not mix any comments on the +inclosed (it roused my indignation) +with the effusion of tenderness, with +which I assure you, that you are the +friend of my bosom, and the prop of my +heart.</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-55" id="CPg_3-55"></a>[<a href="images/v3-55.png">55</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER XXII</h4> + +<p class="right">H—, August 20.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I want</span> to know what steps you +have taken respecting ——. Knavery +always rouses my indignation—I should +be gratified to hear that the law had +chastised ——— severely; but I do not +wish you to see him, because the business +does not now admit of peaceful +discussion, and I do not exactly know +how you would express your contempt.</p> + +<p>Pray ask some questions about Tallien—I +am still pleased with the dignity +of his conduct.—The other day, in the +cause of humanity, he made use of a +degree of address, which I admire<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-56" id="CPg_3-56"></a>[<a href="images/v3-56.png">56</a>]</span>—and +mean to point out to you, as one +of the few instances of address which +do credit to the abilities of the man, +without taking away from that confidence +in his openness of heart, which +is the true basis of both public and +private friendship.</p> + +<p>Do not suppose that I mean to allude +to a little reserve of temper in you, +of which I have sometimes complained! +You have been used to a +cunning woman, and you almost look +for cunning—Nay, in <i>managing</i> my +happiness, you now and then wounded +my sensibility, concealing yourself, till +honest sympathy, giving you to me +without disguise, lets me look into a +heart, which my half-broken one wishes +to creep into, to be revived and +cherished.——You have frankness of +heart, but not often exactly that over<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-57" id="CPg_3-57"></a>[<a href="images/v3-57.png">57</a>]</span>flowing +(<i>épanchement de cœur</i>), which +becoming almost childish, appears a +weakness only to the weak.</p> + +<p>But I have left poor Tallien. I +wanted you to enquire likewise whether, +as a member declared in the convention, +Robespierre really maintained +a <i>number</i> of mistresses.—Should it prove +so, I suspect that they rather flattered +his vanity than his senses.</p> + +<p>Here is a chatting, desultory epistle! +But do not suppose that I mean to +close it without mentioning the little +damsel—who has been almost springing +out of my arm—she certainly looks +very like you—but I do not love her +the less for that, whether I am angry +or pleased with you.—</p> + +<p class="right">Yours affectionately                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-58" id="CPg_3-58"></a>[<a href="images/v3-58.png">58</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER XXIII<a name="FNanchor_58-A_17" id="CFNanchor_58-A_17"></a><a href="#CFootnote_58-A_17" class="fnanchor">[58-A]</a>.</h4> + +<p class="right">September 22.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I have</span> just written two letters, that +are going by other conveyances, and +which I reckon on your receiving long +before this. I therefore merely write, +because I know I should be disappointed +at seeing any one who had left you, +if you did not send a letter, were it ever +so short, to tell me why you did not +write a longer—and you will want to +be told, over and over again, that our +little Hercules is quite recovered.</p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-59" id="CPg_3-59"></a>[<a href="images/v3-59.png">59</a>]</span></p> +<p>Besides looking at me, there are +three other things, which delight her—to +ride in a coach, to look at a scarlet +waistcoat, and hear loud music—yesterday, +at the <i>fête</i>, she enjoyed the two +latter; but, to honour J. J. Rousseau, +I intend to give her a sash, the first she +has ever had round her—and why not?—for +I have always been half in love +with him.</p> + +<p>Well, this you will say is trifling—shall +I talk about alum or soap? There +is nothing picturesque in your present +pursuits; my imagination then rather +chuses to ramble back to the barrier +with you, or to see you coming to +meet me, and my basket of grapes.—With +what pleasure do I recollect your +looks and words, when I have been +sitting on the window, regarding the +waving corn!</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-60" id="CPg_3-60"></a>[<a href="images/v3-60.png">60</a>]</span> +Believe me, sage sir, you have not +sufficient respect for the imagination—I +could prove to you in a trice that it is +the mother of sentiment, the great +distinction of our nature, the only purifier +of the passions—animals have a +portion of reason, and equal, if not +more exquisite, senses; but no trace of +imagination, or her offspring taste, appears +in any of their actions. The impulse +of the senses, passions, if you will, +and the conclusions of reason, draw +men together; but the imagination is +the true fire, stolen from heaven, to +animate this cold creature of clay, producing +all those fine sympathies that +lead to rapture, rendering men social +by expanding their hearts, instead of +leaving them leisure to calculate how +many comforts society affords.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-61" id="CPg_3-61"></a>[<a href="images/v3-61.png">61</a>]</span> +If you call these observations romantic, +a phrase in this place which would +be tantamount to nonsensical, I shall +be apt to retort, that you are embruted +by trade, and the vulgar enjoyments of +life—Bring me then back your barrier-face, +or you shall have nothing to say +to my barrier-girl; and I shall fly from +you, to cherish the remembrances that +will ever be dear to me; for I am +yours truly</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-62" id="CPg_3-62"></a>[<a href="images/v3-62.png">62</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER XXIV</h4> + +<p class="right">Evening, Sept. 23.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I have</span> been playing and laughing +with the little girl so long, that I cannot +take up my pen to address you +without emotion. Pressing her to my +bosom, she looked so like you (<i>entre +nous</i>, your best looks, for I do not admire +your commercial face) every nerve +seemed to vibrate to the touch, and I +began to think that there was something +in the assertion of man and wife +being one—for you seemed to pervade +my whole frame, quickening the beat +of my heart, and lending me the sympathetic +tears you excited.</p> + +<p>Have I any thing more to say to you? +No; not for the present—the rest is all<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-63" id="CPg_3-63"></a>[<a href="images/v3-63.png">63</a>]</span> +flown away; and, indulging tenderness +for you, I cannot now complain of +some people here, who have ruffled my +temper for two or three days past.</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p class="right">Morning.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Yesterday</span> B—— sent to me for +my packet of letters. He called on me +before; and I like him better than I +did—that is, I have the same opinion +of his understanding, but I think with +you, he has more tenderness and real +delicacy of feeling with respect to women, +than are commonly to be met with. +His manner too of speaking of his little +girl, about the age of mine, interested +me. I gave him a letter for my sister, +and requested him to see her.</p> + +<p>I have been interrupted. Mr. —— +I suppose will write about business.<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-64" id="CPg_3-64"></a>[<a href="images/v3-64.png">64</a>]</span> +Public affairs I do not descant on, except +to tell you that they write now +with great freedom and truth, and this +liberty of the press will overthrow the +Jacobins, I plainly perceive.</p> + +<p>I hope you take care of your health. +I have got a habit of restlessness at +night, which arises, I believe, from +activity of mind; for, when I am alone, +that is, not near one to whom I can +open my heart, I sink into reveries and +trains of thinking, which agitate and +fatigue me.</p> + +<p>This is my third letter; when am I +to hear from you? I need not tell you, +I suppose, that I am now writing with +somebody in the room with me, and +—— is waiting to carry this to Mr. +——'s. I will then kiss the girl for +you, and bid you adieu.</p> + +<p>I desired you, in one of my other<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-65" id="CPg_3-65"></a>[<a href="images/v3-65.png">65</a>]</span> +letters, to bring back to me your barrier-face—or +that you should not be +loved by my barrier-girl. I know that +you will love her more and more, for +she is a little affectionate, intelligent +creature, with as much vivacity, I +should think, as you could wish for.</p> + +<p>I was going to tell you of two or +three things which displease me here; +but they are not of sufficient consequence +to interrupt pleasing sensations. +I have received a letter from +Mr. ——. I want you to bring —— +with you. Madame S—— is by me, +reading a German translation of your +letters—she desires me to give her love +to you, on account of what you say of +the negroes.</p> + +<p class="right">Yours most affectionately,        </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-66" id="CPg_3-66"></a>[<a href="images/v3-66.png">66</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER XXV</h4> + +<p class="right">Paris, Sept. 28.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I have</span> written to you three or four +letters; but different causes have prevented +my sending them by the persons +who promised to take or forward them. +The inclosed is one I wrote to go by +B——; yet, finding that he will not +arrive, before I hope, and believe, you +will have set out on your return, I +inclose it to you, and shall give it in +charge to ——, as Mr. —— is detained, +to whom I also gave a letter.</p> + +<p>I cannot help being anxious to hear +from you; but I shall not harrass you +with accounts of inquietudes, or of +cares that arise from peculiar circumstances.—I +have had so many little<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-67" id="CPg_3-67"></a>[<a href="images/v3-67.png">67</a>]</span> +plagues here, that I have almost lamented +that I left H——. ——, who +is at best a most helpless creature, is +now, on account of her pregnancy, +more trouble than use to me, so that I +still continue to be almost a slave to the +child.—She indeed rewards me, for +she is a sweet little creature; for, setting +aside a mother's fondness (which, +by the bye, is growing on me, her little +intelligent smiles sinking into my heart), +she has an astonishing degree of sensibility +and observation. The other day +by B——'s child, a fine one, she looked +like a little sprite.—She is all life and +motion, and her eyes are not the eyes +of a fool—I will swear.</p> + +<p>I slept at St. Germain's, in the very +room (if you have not forgot) in which +you pressed me very tenderly to your +heart.—I did not forget to fold my<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-68" id="CPg_3-68"></a>[<a href="images/v3-68.png">68</a>]</span> +darling to mine, with sensations that +are almost too sacred to be alluded to.</p> + +<p>Adieu, my love! Take care of yourself, +if you wish to be the protector of +your child, and the comfort of her +mother.</p> + +<p>I have received, for you, letters from +————. I want to hear how that +affair finishes, though I do not know +whether I have most contempt for his +folly or knavery.</p> + +<p class="right">Your own                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-69" id="CPg_3-69"></a>[<a href="images/v3-69.png">69</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER XXVI</h4> + +<p class="right">October 1.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">It</span> is a heartless task to write letters, +without knowing whether they will +ever reach you.—I have given two to +——, who has been a-going, a-going, +every day, for a week past; and three +others, which were written in a low-spirited +strain, a little querulous or so, +I have not been able to forward by the +opportunities that were mentioned to +me. <i>Tant mieux!</i> you will say, and I +will not say nay; for I should be sorry +that the contents of a letter, when you +are so far away, should damp the pleasure +that the sight of it would afford—judging +of your feelings by my own.<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-70" id="CPg_3-70"></a>[<a href="images/v3-70.png">70</a>]</span> +I just now stumbled on one of the kind +letters, which you wrote during your +last absence. You are then a dear +affectionate creature, and I will not +plague you. The letter which you +chance to receive, when the absence is +so long, ought to bring only tears of +tenderness, without any bitter alloy, +into your eyes.</p> + +<p>After your return I hope indeed, +that you will not be so immersed in +business, as during the last three or +four months past—for even money, taking +into the account all the future comforts +it is to procure, may be gained at +too dear a rate, if painful impressions +are left on the mind.—These impressions +were much more lively, soon after +you went away, than at present—for a +thousand tender recollections efface the +melancholy traces they left on my mind<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-71" id="CPg_3-71"></a>[<a href="images/v3-71.png">71</a>]</span>—and +every emotion is on the same side +as my reason, which always was on +yours.—Separated, it would be almost +impious to dwell on real or imaginary +imperfections of character.—I feel that +I love you; and, if I cannot be happy +with you, I will seek it no where else.</p> + +<p>My little darling grows every day +more dear to me—and she often has a +kiss, when we are alone together, +which I give her for you, with all my +heart.</p> + +<p>I have been interrupted—and must +send off my letter. The liberty of the +press will produce a great effect here—the +<i>cry of blood will not be vain</i>!—Some +more monsters will perish—and the +Jacobins are conquered.—Yet I almost +fear the last slap of the tail of the +beast.</p> + +<p>I have had several trifling teazing<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-72" id="CPg_3-72"></a>[<a href="images/v3-72.png">72</a>]</span> +inconveniencies here, which I shall not +now trouble you with a detail of.—I +am sending —— back; her pregnancy +rendered her useless. The girl I have +got has more vivacity, which is better +for the child.</p> + +<p>I long to hear from you.—Bring a +copy of —— and —— with you.</p> + +<p>—— is still here: he is a lost man.—He +really loves his wife, and is anxious +about his children; but his indiscriminate +hospitality and social feelings have +given him an inveterate habit of drinking, +that destroys his health, as well as +renders his person disgusting.—If his +wife had more sense, or delicacy, she +might restrain him: as it is, nothing +will save him.</p> + +<p>Yours most truly and affectionately</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-73" id="CPg_3-73"></a>[<a href="images/v3-73.png">73</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER XXVII</h4> + +<p class="right">October 26.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">My</span> dear love, I began to wish so earnestly +to hear from you, that the sight +of your letters occasioned such pleasurable +emotions, I was obliged to throw +them aside till the little girl and I were +alone together; and this said little girl, +our darling, is become a most intelligent +little creature, and as gay as a lark, +and that in the morning too, which I +do not find quite so convenient. I +once told you, that the sensations before +she was born, and when she is +sucking, were pleasant; but they do +not deserve to be compared to the emotions +I feel, when she stops to smile<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-74" id="CPg_3-74"></a>[<a href="images/v3-74.png">74</a>]</span> +upon me, or laughs outright on meeting +me unexpectedly in the street, or +after a short absence. She has now the +advantage of having two good nurses, +and I am at present able to discharge +my duty to her, without being the +slave of it.</p> + +<p>I have therefore employed and amused +myself since I got rid of ——, and am +making a progress in the language +amongst other things. I have also made +some new acquaintance. I have almost +<i>charmed</i> a judge of the tribunal, R——, +who, though I should not have thought +it possible, has humanity, if not <i>beaucoup +d'esprit</i>. But let me tell you, if you do +not make haste back, I shall be half in +love with the author of the <i>Marseillaise</i>, +who is a handsome man, a little +too broad-faced or so, and plays sweetly +on the violin.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-75" id="CPg_3-75"></a>[<a href="images/v3-75.png">75</a>]</span> +What do you say to this threat?—why, +<i>entre nous</i>, I like to give way to +a sprightly vein, when writing to you, +that is, when I am pleased with you. +"The devil," you know, is proverbially +said to be "in a good humour, when +he is pleased." Will you not then be +a good boy, and come back quickly to +play with your girls? but I shall not allow +you to love the new-comer best.</p> + +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> + + +<p>My heart longs for your return, my +love, and only looks for, and seeks happiness +with you; yet do not imagine +that I childishly wish you to come back, +before you have arranged things in +such a manner, that it will not be necessary +for you to leave us soon again;<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-76" id="CPg_3-76"></a>[<a href="images/v3-76.png">76</a>]</span> +or to make exertions which injure your +constitution.</p> + +<p class="right">Yours most truly and tenderly        </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<p>P.S. "You would oblige me by delivering +the inclosed to Mr. ——, and +pray call for an answer.—It is for a person +uncomfortably situated.</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER XXVIII</h4> + +<p class="right">Dec. 26.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I have</span> been, my love, for some days +tormented by fears, that I would not +allow to assume a form—I had been +expecting you daily—and I heard that +many vessels had been driven on shore +during the late gale.—Well, I now see<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-77" id="CPg_3-77"></a>[<a href="images/v3-77.png">77</a>]</span> +your letter—and find that you are safe; +I will not regret then that your exertions +have hitherto been so unavailing.</p> + +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> + +<p>Be that as it may, return to me when +you have arranged the other matters, +which —— has been crowding on you. +I want to be sure that you are safe—and +not separated from me by a sea that +must be passed. For, feeling that I am +happier than I ever was, do you wonder +at my sometimes dreading that fate +has not done persecuting me? Come +to me, my dearest friend, husband, father +of my child!—All these fond ties +glow at my heart at this moment, and +dim my eyes.—With you an independence +is desirable; and it is always +within our reach, if affluence escapes<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-78" id="CPg_3-78"></a>[<a href="images/v3-78.png">78</a>]</span> +us—without you the world again appears +empty to me. But I am recurring +to some of the melancholy thoughts +that have flitted across my mind for +some days past, and haunted my +dreams.</p> + +<p>My little darling is indeed a sweet +child; and I am sorry that you are not +here, to see her little mind unfold itself. +You talk of "dalliance;" but certainly +no lover was ever more attached to his +mistress, than she is to me. Her eyes +follow me every where, and by affection +I have the most despotic power +over her. She is all vivacity or softness—yes; +I love her more than I +thought I should. When I have been +hurt at your stay, I have embraced her +as my only comfort—when pleased with +you, for looking and laughing like +you; nay, I cannot, I find, long be an<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-79" id="CPg_3-79"></a>[<a href="images/v3-79.png">79</a>]</span>gry +with you, whilst I am kissing her +for resembling you. But there would +be no end to these details. Fold us +both to your heart; for I am truly and +affectionately</p> + +<p class="right">Yours                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER XXIX</h4> + +<p class="right">December 28.</p> + +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> + + +<p>I do, my love, indeed sincerely +sympathize with you in all your disappointments.—Yet, +knowing that you +are well, and think of me with affec<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-80" id="CPg_3-80"></a>[<a href="images/v3-80.png">80</a>]</span>tion, +I only lament other disappointments, +because I am sorry that you +should thus exert yourself in vain, and +that you are kept from me.</p> + +<p>———, I know, urges you to stay, +and is continually branching out into +new projects, because he has the idle +desire to amass a large fortune, rather +an immense one, merely to have the +credit of having made it. But we +who are governed by other motives, +ought not to be led on by him. When +we meet, we will discuss this subject—You +will listen to reason, and it has +probably occurred to you, that it will +be better, in future, to pursue some +sober plan, which may demand more +time, and still enable you to arrive at +the same end. It appears to me absurd +to waste life in preparing to live.</p> + +<p>Would it not now be possible to ar<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-81" id="CPg_3-81"></a>[<a href="images/v3-81.png">81</a>]</span>range +your business in such a manner +as to avoid the inquietudes, of which +I have had my share since your departure? +Is it not possible to enter into +business, as an employment necessary +to keep the faculties awake, and (to +sink a little in the expressions) the pot +boiling, without suffering what must +ever be considered as a secondary object, +to engross the mind, and drive +sentiment and affection out of the +heart?</p> + +<p>I am in a hurry to give this letter to +the person who has promised to forward +it with ———'s. I wish then to +counteract, in some measure, what +<ins class="err" title="Transcriber's Note: original reads 'he he'">he</ins> has doubtless recommended most +warmly.</p> + +<p>Stay, my friend, whilst it is <i>absolutely</i> +necessary.—I will give you no tenderer +name, though it glows at my heart,<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-82" id="CPg_3-82"></a>[<a href="images/v3-82.png">82</a>]</span> +unless you come the moment the settling +the <i>present</i> objects permit.—<i>I do not +consent</i> to your taking any other journey—or +the little woman and I will be +off, the Lord knows where. But, as I +had rather owe every thing to your affection, +and, I may add, to your reason, +(for this immoderate desire of +wealth, which makes ——— so eager +to have you remain, is contrary to your +principles of action), I will not importune +you.—I will only tell you, that I +long to see you—and, being at peace +with you, I shall be hurt, rather than +made angry, by delays.—Having suffered +so much in life, do not be surprised +if I sometimes, when left to +myself, grow gloomy, and suppose that +it was all a dream, and that my happiness +is not to last. I say happiness,<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-83" id="CPg_3-83"></a>[<a href="images/v3-83.png">83</a>]</span> +because remembrance retrenches all +the dark shades of the picture.</p> + +<p>My little one begins to show her +teeth, and use her legs—She wants you +to bear your part in the nursing business, +for I am fatigued with dancing +her, and yet she is not satisfied—she +wants you to thank her mother for taking +such care of her, as you only can.</p> + +<p class="right">Yours truly                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER XXX</h4> + +<p class="right">December 29.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Though</span> I suppose you have later +intelligence, yet, as ——— has just +informed me that he has an opportuni<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-84" id="CPg_3-84"></a>[<a href="images/v3-84.png">84</a>]</span>ty +of sending immediately to you, I +take advantage of it to inclose you</p> + +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> + + +<p>How I hate this crooked business! +This intercourse with the world, which +obliges one to see the worst side of +human nature! Why cannot you be +content with the object you had first in +view, when you entered into this wearisome +labyrinth?—I know very well +that you have imperceptibly been +drawn on; yet why does one project, +successful or abortive, only give place +to two others? Is it not sufficient to +avoid poverty?—I am contented to do +my part; and, even here, sufficient to +escape from wretchedness is not difficult +to obtain. And, let me tell you, +I have my project also—and, if you do +not soon return, the little girl and I +will take care of ourselves; we will not<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-85" id="CPg_3-85"></a>[<a href="images/v3-85.png">85</a>]</span> +accept any of your cold kindness—your +distant civilities—no; not we.</p> + +<p>This is but half jesting, for I am +really tormented by the desire which +——— manifests to have you remain +where you are.—Yet why do I talk to +you?—If he can persuade you—let him!—for, +if you are not happier with me, +and your own wishes do not make you +throw aside these eternal projects, I am +above using any arguments, though +reason as well as affection seems to offer +them—if our affection be mutual, +they will occur to you—and you will +act accordingly.</p> + +<p>Since my arrival here, I have found +the German lady, of whom you have +heard me speak. Her first child died +in the month; but she has another, +about the age of my ———, a fine +little creature. They are still but con<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-86" id="CPg_3-86"></a>[<a href="images/v3-86.png">86</a>]</span>triving +to live——earning their daily +bread—yet, though they are but just +above poverty, I envy them.—She is a +tender, affectionate mother—fatigued +even by her attention.—However she +has an affectionate husband in her turn, +to render her care light, and to share +her pleasure.</p> + +<p>I will own to you that, feeling extreme +tenderness for my little girl, I +grow sad very often when I am playing +with her, that you are not here, to +observe with me how her mind unfolds, +and her little heart becomes attached!—These +appear to me to be true pleasures—and +still you suffer them to escape +you, in search of what we may +never enjoy.—It is your own maxim to +"live in the present moment."—<i>If you +do</i>—stay, for God's sake; but tell me +the truth—if not, tell me when I may<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-87" id="CPg_3-87"></a>[<a href="images/v3-87.png">87</a>]</span> +expect to see you, and let me not be +always vainly looking for you, till I +grow sick at heart.</p> + +<p>Adieu! I am a little hurt.—I must +take my darling to my bosom to comfort +me.</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER XXXI</h4> + +<p class="right">December 30.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Should</span> you receive three or four of +the letters at once which I have written +lately, do not think of Sir John +Brute, for I do not mean to wife you. +I only take advantage of every occasion, +that one out of three of my +epistles may reach your hands, and in<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-88" id="CPg_3-88"></a>[<a href="images/v3-88.png">88</a>]</span>form +you that I am not of ———'s +opinion, who talks till he makes me +angry, of the necessity of your staying +two or three months longer. I do not +like this life of continual inquietude—and, +<i>entre nous</i>, I am determined to try +to earn some money here myself, in +order to convince you that, if you +chuse to run about the world to get a +fortune, it is for yourself—for the little +girl and I will live without your assistance, +unless you are with us. I may +be termed proud—Be it so—but I will +never abandon certain principles of +action.</p> + +<p>The common run of men have such +an ignoble way of thinking, that, if +they debauch their hearts, and prostitute +their persons, following perhaps a +gust of inebriation, they suppose the +wife, slave rather, whom they main<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-89" id="CPg_3-89"></a>[<a href="images/v3-89.png">89</a>]</span>tain, +has no right to complain, and +ought to receive the sultan, whenever +he deigns to return, with open arms, +though his have been polluted by half +an hundred promiscuous amours during +his absence.</p> + +<p>I consider fidelity and constancy as +two distinct things; yet the former is +necessary, to give life to the other—and +such a degree of respect do I think +due to myself, that, if only probity, +which is a good thing in its place, +brings you back, never return!—for, +if a wandering of the heart, or even a +caprice of the imagination detains +you—there is an end of all my hopes of +happiness—I could not forgive it, if I +would.</p> + +<p>I have gotten into a melancholy +mood, you perceive. You know my +opinion of men in general; you know<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-90" id="CPg_3-90"></a>[<a href="images/v3-90.png">90</a>]</span> +that I think them systematic tyrants, and +that it is the rarest thing in the world, +to meet with a man with sufficient +delicacy of feeling to govern desire. +When I am thus sad, I lament that my +little darling, fondly as I doat on her, +is a girl.—I am sorry to have a tie to a +world that for me is ever sown with +thorns.</p> + +<p>You will call this an ill-humoured +letter, when, in fact, it is the strongest +proof of affection I can give, to dread +to lose you. ——— has taken such +pains to convince me that you must +and ought to stay, that it has inconceivably +depressed my spirits—You +have always known my opinion—I have +ever declared, that two people, who +mean to live together, ought not to be +long separated.—If certain things are +more necessary to you than me—search<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-91" id="CPg_3-91"></a>[<a href="images/v3-91.png">91</a>]</span> +for them—Say but one word, and you +shall never hear of me more.—If not—for +God's sake, let us struggle with +poverty—with any evil, but these continual +inquietudes of business, which +I have been told were to last but a few +months, though every day the end appears +more distant! This is the first +letter in this strain that I have determined +to forward to you; the rest lie +by, because I was unwilling to give you +pain, and I should not now write, if I +did not think that there would be no +conclusion to the schemes, which demand, +as I am told, your presence.</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *<a name="FNanchor_91-A_18" id="CFNanchor_91-A_18"></a><a href="#CFootnote_91-A_18" class="fnanchor">[91-A]</a></p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-92" id="CPg_3-92"></a>[<a href="images/v3-92.png">92</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER XXXII</h4> + +<p class="right">January 9.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I just</span> now received one of your +hasty <i>notes</i>; for business so entirely occupies +you, that you have not time, or +sufficient command of thought, to write +letters. Beware! you seem to be got +into a whirl of projects and schemes, +which are drawing you into a gulph, +that, if it do not absorb your happiness, +will infallibly destroy mine.</p> + +<p>Fatigued during my youth by the +most arduous struggles, not only to obtain +independence, but to render myself +useful, not merely pleasure, for +which I had the most lively taste, I<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-93" id="CPg_3-93"></a>[<a href="images/v3-93.png">93</a>]</span> +mean the simple pleasures that flow from +passion and affection, escaped me, but +the most melancholy views of life were +impressed by a disappointed heart on +my mind. Since I knew you, I have +been endeavouring to go back to my +former nature, and have allowed some +time to glide away, winged with the +delight which only spontaneous enjoyment +can give.—Why have you so +soon dissolved the charm?</p> + +<p>I am really unable to bear the continual +inquietude which your and +———'s never-ending plans produce. +This you may term want of firmness—but +you are mistaken—I have still sufficient +firmness to pursue my principle +of action. The present misery, I cannot +find a softer word to do justice to +my feelings, appears to me unneces<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-94" id="CPg_3-94"></a>[<a href="images/v3-94.png">94</a>]</span>sary—and +therefore I have not firmness +to support it as you may think I +ought. I should have been content, +and still wish, to retire with you to a +farm—My God! any thing, but these +continual anxieties—any thing but +commerce, which debases the mind, +and roots out affection from the heart.</p> + +<p>I do not mean to complain of subordinate +inconveniences——yet I will +simply observe, that, led to expect +you every week, I did not make the +arrangements required by the present +circumstances, to procure the necessaries +of life. In order to have them, +a servant, for that purpose only, is indispensible—The +want of wood, has made +me catch the most violent cold I ever +had; and my head is so disturbed by +continual coughing, that I am unable<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-95" id="CPg_3-95"></a>[<a href="images/v3-95.png">95</a>]</span> +to write without stopping frequently to +recollect myself.—This however is one +of the common evils which must be +borne with——bodily pain does not +touch the heart, though it fatigues the +spirits.</p> + +<p>Still as you talk of your return, even +in February, doubtingly, I have determined, +the moment the weather +changes, to wean my child.—It is too +soon for her to begin to divide sorrow!—And +as one has well said, "despair is a +freeman," we will go and seek our fortune +together.</p> + +<p>This is not a caprice of the moment—for +your absence has given new +weight to some conclusions, that I was +very reluctantly forming before you +left me.—I do not chuse to be a secondary +object.—If your feelings were +in unison with mine, you would not<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-96" id="CPg_3-96"></a>[<a href="images/v3-96.png">96</a>]</span> +sacrifice so much to visionary prospects +of future advantage.</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER XXXIII</h4> + +<p class="right">Jan. <ins class="err" title="Transcriber's Note: added missing period">15.</ins></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I was</span> just going to begin my letter +with the fag end of a song, which would +only have told you, what I may as well +say simply, that it is pleasant to forgive +those we love. I have received your +two letters, dated the 26th and 28th +of December, and my anger died away. +You can scarcely conceive the effect +some of your letters have produced on +me. After longing to hear from you +during a tedious interval of suspense, +I have seen a superscription written by<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-97" id="CPg_3-97"></a>[<a href="images/v3-97.png">97</a>]</span> +you.—Promising myself pleasure, and +feeling emotion, I have laid it by me, +till the person who brought it, left the +room—when, behold! on opening it, +I have found only half a dozen hasty +lines, that have damped all the rising +affection of my soul.</p> + +<p>Well, now for business—</p> + +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> + + +<p>My animal is well; I have not yet +taught her to eat, but nature is doing +the business. I gave her a crust to assist +the cutting of her teeth; and now +she has two, she makes good use of +them to gnaw a crust, biscuit, &c. You +would laugh to see her; she is just like +a little squirrel; she will guard a crust +for two hours; and, after fixing her +eye on an object for some time, dart<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-98" id="CPg_3-98"></a>[<a href="images/v3-98.png">98</a>]</span> +on it with an aim as sure as a bird of +prey—nothing can equal her life and +spirits. I suffer from a cold; but it +does not affect her. Adieu! do not +forget to love us—and come soon to +tell us that you do.</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER XXXIV</h4> + +<p class="right">Jan. 30.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">From</span> the purport of your last letters, +I would suppose that this will +scarcely reach you; and I have already +written so many letters, that +you have either not received, or neglected +to acknowledge, I do not find +it pleasant, or rather I have no inclination, +to go over the same ground<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-99" id="CPg_3-99"></a>[<a href="images/v3-99.png">99</a>]</span> +again. If you have received them, and +are still detained by new projects, it is +useless for me to say any more on the +subject. I have done with it for ever<ins class="err" title="Transcriber's Note: original reads '-'">—</ins>yet +I ought to remind you that your pecuniary +interest suffers by your absence.</p> + +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> + + +<p>For my part, my head is turned giddy, +by only hearing of plans to make +money, and my contemptuous feelings +have sometimes burst out. I therefore +was glad that a violent cold gave me a +pretext to stay at home, lest I should +have uttered unseasonable truths.</p> + +<p>My child is well, and the spring +will perhaps restore me to myself.—I +have endured many inconveniences<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-100" id="CPg_3-100"></a>[<a href="images/v3-100.png">100</a>]</span> +this winter, which should I be ashamed +to mention, if they had been unavoidable. +"The secondary pleasures of life," +you say, "are very necessary to my comfort:" +it may be so; but I have ever +considered them as secondary. If therefore +you accuse me of wanting the resolution +necessary to bear the <i>common</i><a name="FNanchor_100-A_19" id="CFNanchor_100-A_19"></a><a href="#CFootnote_100-A_19" class="fnanchor">[100-A]</a> +evils of life; I should answer, that I +have not fashioned my mind to sustain +them, because I would avoid them, +cost what it would——</p> + +<p>Adieu!</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-101" id="CPg_3-101"></a>[<a href="images/v3-101.png">101</a>]</span></p> + + +<h4>LETTER XXXV</h4> + +<p class="right">February 9.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">The</span> melancholy presentiment has for +some time hung on my spirits, that we +were parted for ever; and the letters I +received this day, by Mr. ——, convince +me that it was not without foundation. +You allude to some other +letters, which I suppose have miscarried; +for most of those I have got, were +only a few hasty lines, calculated to +wound the tenderness the sight of the +superscriptions excited.</p> + +<p>I mean not however to complain; +yet so many feelings are struggling for +utterance, and agitating a heart almost +bursting with anguish, that I find it<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-102" id="CPg_3-102"></a>[<a href="images/v3-102.png">102</a>]</span> +very difficult to write with any degree +of coherence.</p> + +<p>You left me indisposed, though you +have taken no notice of it; and the +most fatiguing journey I ever had, contributed +to continue it. However, I +recovered my health; but a neglected +cold, and continual inquietude during +the last two months, have reduced me +to a state of weakness I never before +experienced. Those who did not know +that the canker-worm was at work at +the core, cautioned me about suckling +my child too long.—God preserve this +poor child, and render her happier +than her mother!</p> + +<p>But I am wandering from my subject: +indeed my head turns giddy, when I +think that all the confidence I have had +in the affection of others is come to this.</p> + +<p>I did not expect this blow from you.<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-103" id="CPg_3-103"></a>[<a href="images/v3-103.png">103</a>]</span> +I have done my duty to you and my +child; and if I am not to have any +return of affection to reward me, I +have the sad consolation of knowing +that I deserved a better fate. My +soul is weary—I am sick at heart; and, +but for this little darling, I would +cease to care about a life, which is now +stripped of every charm.</p> + +<p>You see how stupid I am, uttering +declamation, when I meant simply to +tell you, that I consider your requesting +me to come to you, as merely dictated +by honour.—Indeed, I scarcely understand +you.—You request me to come, +and then tell me, that you have not +given up all thoughts of returning to +this place.</p> + +<p>When I determined to live with you, +I was only governed by affection.—I +would share poverty with you, but I<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-104" id="CPg_3-104"></a>[<a href="images/v3-104.png">104</a>]</span> +turn with affright from the sea of trouble +on which you are entering.—I have +certain principles of action: I know +what I look for to found my happiness +on.—It is not money.—With you I +wished for sufficient to procure the +comforts of life—as it is, less will +do.—I can still exert myself to +obtain the necessaries of life for my +child, and she does not want more at +present.—I have two or three plans in +my head to earn our subsistence; for +do not suppose that, neglected by you, +I will lie under obligations of a pecuniary +kind to you!—No; I would sooner +submit to menial service.—I wanted the +support of your affection—that gone, +all is over!—I did not think, when I +complained of ——'s contemptible avidity +to accumulate money, that he<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-105" id="CPg_3-105"></a>[<a href="images/v3-105.png">105</a>]</span> +would have dragged you into his +schemes.</p> + +<p>I cannot write.—I inclose a fragment +of a letter, written soon after your +departure, and another which tenderness +made me keep back when it was +written.—You will see then the sentiments +of a calmer, though not a more +determined, moment.—Do not insult +me by saying, that "our being together +is paramount to every other consideration!" +Were it, you would not be +running after a bubble, at the expence +of my peace of mind.</p> + +<p>Perhaps this is the last letter you will +ever receive from me.</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-106" id="CPg_3-106"></a>[<a href="images/v3-106.png">106</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER XXXVI</h4> + +<p class="right">Feb. 10.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">You</span> talk of "permanent views and +future comfort"—not for me, for I am +dead to hope. The inquietudes of the +last winter have finished the business, +and my heart is not only broken, but +my constitution destroyed. I conceive +myself in a galloping consumption, and +the continual anxiety I feel at the +thought of leaving my child, feeds the +fever that nightly devours me. It is +on her account that I again write to +you, to conjure you, by all that you +hold sacred, to leave her here with the +German lady you may have heard me +mention! She has a child of the same +age, and they may be brought up to<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-107" id="CPg_3-107"></a>[<a href="images/v3-107.png">107</a>]</span>gether, +as I wish her to be brought up. +I shall write more fully on the subject. +To facilitate this, I shall give up my +present lodgings, and go into the same +house. I can live much cheaper there, +which is now become an object. I have +had 3000 livres from ——, and I shall +take one more, to pay my servant's +wages, &c. and then I shall endeavour +to procure what I want by my own exertions. +I shall entirely give up the acquaintance +of the Americans.</p> + +<p>—— and I have not been on good +terms a long time. Yesterday he very +unmanlily exulted over me, on account +of your determination to stay. I had +provoked it, it is true, by some asperities +against commerce, which have +dropped from me, when we have argued +about the propriety of your remaining +where you are; and it is no matter, I<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-108" id="CPg_3-108"></a>[<a href="images/v3-108.png">108</a>]</span> +have drunk too deep of the bitter cup +to care about trifles.</p> + +<p>When you first entered into these +plans, you bounded your views to the +gaining of a thousand pounds. It was +sufficient to have procured a farm in +America, which would have been an +independence. You find now that you +did not know yourself, and that a certain +situation in life is more necessary +to you than you imagined—more necessary +than an uncorrupted heart—For +a year or two, you may procure yourself +what you call pleasure; eating, +drinking, and women; but, in the solitude +of declining life, I shall be remembered +with regret—I was going to +say with remorse, but checked my +pen.</p> + +<p>As I have never concealed the nature of +my connection with you, your repu<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-109" id="CPg_3-109"></a>[<a href="images/v3-109.png">109</a>]</span>tation +will not suffer. I shall never have +a confident: I am content with the approbation +of my own mind; and, if there +be a searcher of hearts, mine will not +be despised. Reading what you have +written relative to the desertion of women, +I have often wondered how theory +and practice could be so different, till +I recollected, that the sentiments of +passion, and the resolves of reason, are +very distinct. As to my sisters, as you +are so continually hurried with business, +you need not write to them—I +shall, when my mind is calmer. God +bless you! Adieu!</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<p>This has been such a period of barbarity +and misery, I ought not to complain +of having my share. I wish one +moment that I had never heard of the<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-110" id="CPg_3-110"></a>[<a href="images/v3-110.png">110</a>]</span> +cruelties that have been practised here, +and the next envy the mothers who +have been killed with their children. +Surely I had suffered enough in life, +not to be cursed with a fondness, that +burns up the vital stream I am imparting. +You will think me mad: I +would I were so, that I could forget +my misery—so that my head or heart +would be still.——</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER XXXVII</h4> + +<p class="right">Feb. 19.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">When</span> I first received your letter, +putting off your return to an indefinite +time, I felt so hurt, that I know not +what I wrote. I am now calmer, +though it was not the kind of wound<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-111" id="CPg_3-111"></a>[<a href="images/v3-111.png">111</a>]</span> +over which time has the quickest effect; +on the contrary, the more I think, the +sadder I grow. Society fatigues me inexpressibly—So +much so, that finding +fault with every one, I have only reason +enough, to discover that the fault is +in myself. My child alone interests +me, and, but for her, I should not take +any pains to recover my health.</p> + +<p>As it is, I shall wean her, and try if +by that step (to which I feel a repugnance, +for it is my only solace) I can +get rid of my cough. Physicians talk +much of the danger attending any complaint +on the lungs, after a woman has +suckled for some months. They lay a +stress also on the necessity of keeping +the mind tranquil—and, my God! how +has mine been harrassed! But whilst +the caprices of other women are gratified, +"the wind of heaven not suffered<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-112" id="CPg_3-112"></a>[<a href="images/v3-112.png">112</a>]</span> +to visit them too rudely," I have not +found a guardian angel, in heaven or +on earth, to ward off sorrow or care +from my bosom.</p> + +<p>What sacrifices have you not made +for a woman you did not respect!—But +I will not go over this ground—I want +to tell you that I do not understand +you. You say that you have not given +up all thoughts of returning here—and +I know that it will be necessary—nay, +is. I cannot explain myself; but if you +have not lost your memory, you will +easily divine my meaning. What! is +our life then only to be made up of separations? +and am I only to return to +a country, that has not merely lost all +charms for me, but for which I feel a +repugnance that almost amounts to +horror, only to be left there a prey to +it!</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-113" id="CPg_3-113"></a>[<a href="images/v3-113.png">113</a>]</span> +Why is it so necessary that I should +return?—brought up here, my girl +would be freer. Indeed, expecting you +to join us, I had formed some plans +of usefulness that have now vanished +with my hopes of happiness.</p> + +<p>In the bitterness of my heart, I could +complain with reason, that I am left +here dependent on a man, whose avidity +to acquire a fortune has rendered +him callous to every sentiment connected +with social or affectionate emotions.—With +a brutal insensibility, he +cannot help displaying the pleasure +your determination to stay gives him, +in spite of the effect it is visible it has +had on me.</p> + +<p>Till I can earn money, I shall endeavour +to borrow some, for I want to +avoid asking him continually for the +sum necessary to maintain me.—Do not<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-114" id="CPg_3-114"></a>[<a href="images/v3-114.png">114</a>]</span> +mistake me, I have never been refused.—Yet +I have gone half a dozen times +to the house to ask for it, and come +away without speaking——you must +guess why—Besides, I wish to avoid +hearing of the eternal projects to which +you have sacrificed my peace—not remembering—but +I will be silent for +ever.——</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER XXXVIII</h4> + +<p class="right">April 7.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Here</span> I am at H——, on the wing +towards you, and I write now, only to +tell you, that you may expect me in +the course of three or four days; for<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-115" id="CPg_3-115"></a>[<a href="images/v3-115.png">115</a>]</span> +I shall not attempt to give vent to the +different emotions which agitate my +heart—You may term a feeling, which +appears to me to be a degree of delicacy +that naturally arises from sensibility, +pride—Still I cannot indulge the +very affectionate tenderness which +glows in my bosom, without trembling, +till I see, by your eyes, that it is mutual.</p> + +<p>I sit, lost in thought, looking at the +sea—and tears rush into my eyes, when +I find that I am cherishing any fond +expectations.—I have indeed been so +unhappy this winter, I find it as difficult +to acquire fresh hopes, as to regain +tranquillity.—Enough of this—lie +still, foolish heart!—But for the little +girl, I could almost wish that it +should cease to beat, to be no more +alive to the anguish of disappointment.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-116" id="CPg_3-116"></a>[<a href="images/v3-116.png">116</a>]</span> +Sweet little creature! I deprived myself +of my only pleasure, when I weaned +her, about ten days ago.—I am however +glad I conquered my repugnance.—It +was necessary it should be done +soon, and I did not wish to embitter +the renewal of your acquaintance with +her, by putting it off till we met.—It +was a painful exertion to me, and I +thought it best to throw this inquietude +with the rest, into the sack that I +would fain throw over my shoulder.—I +wished to endure it alone, in short—Yet, +after sending her to sleep in the +next room for three or four nights, you +cannot think with what joy I took her +back again to sleep in my bosom!</p> + +<p>I suppose I shall find you, when I arrive, +for I do not see any necessity for +your coming to me.—Pray inform Mr. ———, +that I have his little friend<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-117" id="CPg_3-117"></a>[<a href="images/v3-117.png">117</a>]</span> +with me.—My wishing to oblige him, +made me put myself to some inconvenience——and +delay my departure; +which was irksome to me, who have +not quite as much philosophy, I would +not for the world say indifference, as +you. God bless you!</p> + +<p class="right">Yours truly,                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER XXXIX</h4> + +<p class="right">Brighthelmstone, Saturday, April 11.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Here</span> we are, my love, and mean to +set out early in the morning; and, if I +can find you, I hope to dine with you +to-morrow.—I shall drive to ———'s +hotel, where ——— tells me you have<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-118" id="CPg_3-118"></a>[<a href="images/v3-118.png">118</a>]</span> +been—and, if you have left it, I hope you +will take care to be there to receive us.</p> + +<p>I have brought with me Mr. ——'s +little friend, and a girl whom I like to +take care of our little darling—not on the +way, for that fell to my share.—But why +do I write about trifles?—or any thing?—Are +we not to meet soon?—What +does your heart say!</p> + +<p class="right">Yours truly                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<p>I have weaned my ———, and she +is now eating away at the white bread.</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-119" id="CPg_3-119"></a>[<a href="images/v3-119.png">119</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER XL</h4> + +<p class="right">London, Friday, May 22.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I have</span> just received your affectionate +letter, and am distressed to think that I +have added to your embarrassments at +this troublesome juncture, when the +exertion of all the faculties of your mind +appears to be necessary, to extricate +you out of your pecuniary difficulties. +I suppose it was something relative to +the circumstance you have mentioned, +which made ——— request to see me +to-day, to <i>converse about a matter of great +importance</i>. Be that as it may, his letter +(such is the state of my spirits) inconceivably +alarmed me, and rendered<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-120" id="CPg_3-120"></a>[<a href="images/v3-120.png">120</a>]</span> +the last night as distressing, as the two +former had been.</p> + +<p>I have laboured to calm my mind since +you left me—Still I find that tranquillity +is not to be obtained by exertion; it +is a feeling so different from the resignation +of despair!—I am however no +longer angry with you—nor will I ever +utter another complaint—there are +arguments which convince the reason, +whilst they carry death to the heart.—We +have had too many cruel <ins class="err" title="Transcriber's Note: original reads 'explananations'">explanations</ins>, +that not only cloud every future +prospect; but embitter the remembrances +which alone give life to +affection.—Let the subject never be +revived!</p> + +<p>It seems to me that I have not only +lost the hope, but the power of being +happy.—Every emotion is now sharp<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-121" id="CPg_3-121"></a>[<a href="images/v3-121.png">121</a>]</span>ened +by anguish.—My soul has been +shook, and my tone of feelings destroyed.—I +have gone out—and sought +for dissipation, if not amusement, merely +to fatigue still more, I find, my irritable +nerves——</p> + +<p>My friend—my dear friend—examine +yourself well—I am out of the +question; for, alas! I am nothing—and +discover what you wish to do—what +will render you most comfortable—or, +to be more explicit—whether +you desire to live with me, or part for +ever? When you can once ascertain it, +tell me frankly, I conjure you!—for, believe +me, I have very involuntarily interrupted +your peace.</p> + +<p>I shall expect you to dinner on Monday, +and will endeavour to assume a +cheerful face to greet you—at any<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-122" id="CPg_3-122"></a>[<a href="images/v3-122.png">122</a>]</span> +rate I will avoid conversations, which +only tend to harrass your feelings, because +I am most affectionately yours,</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER XLI</h4> + +<p class="right">Wednesday.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I inclose</span> you the letter, which you +desired me to forward, and I am tempted +very laconically to wish you a good +morning—not because I am angry, or +have nothing to say; but to keep down +a wounded spirit.—I shall make every +effort to calm my mind—yet a strong +conviction seems to whirl round in the +very centre of my brain, which, like<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-123" id="CPg_3-123"></a>[<a href="images/v3-123.png">123</a>]</span> +the fiat of fate, emphatically assures +me, that grief has a firm hold of my +heart.</p> + +<p>God bless you!</p> + +<p class="right">Yours sincerely                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER XLII</h4> + +<p class="right">—, Wednesday, Two o'Clock.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">We</span> arrived here about an hour ago. +I am extremely fatigued with the child, +who would not rest quiet with any +body but me, during the night—and +now we are here in a comfortless, +damp room, in a sort of a tomb-like +house. This however I shall quickly<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-124" id="CPg_3-124"></a>[<a href="images/v3-124.png">124</a>]</span> +remedy, for, when I have finished this +letter, (which I must do immediately, +because the post goes out early), I +shall sally forth, and enquire about a +vessel and an inn.</p> + +<p>I will not distress you by talking of +the depression of my spirits, or the +struggle I had to keep alive my dying +heart.—It is even now too full to allow +me to write with composure.—*****,—dear +*****, —am I always to be +tossed about thus?—shall I never find +an asylum to rest <i>contented</i> in? How +can you love to fly about continually—dropping +down, as it were, in a new +world—cold and strange!—every other +day? Why do you not attach those +tender emotions round the idea of home, +which even now dim my eyes?—This +alone is affection—every thing else is +only humanity, electrified by sympathy.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-125" id="CPg_3-125"></a>[<a href="images/v3-125.png">125</a>]</span> +I will write to you again to-morrow, +when I know how long I am to be detained—and +hope to get a letter quickly +from you, to cheer yours sincerely +and affectionately</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<p>——— is playing near me in high +spirits. She was so pleased with the +noise of the mail-horn, she has been +continually imitating it.——Adieu!</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER XLIII</h4> + +<p class="right">Thursday.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">A lady</span> has just sent to offer to +take me to ———. I have then only +a moment to exclaim against the vague<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-126" id="CPg_3-126"></a>[<a href="images/v3-126.png">126</a>]</span> +manner in which people give information</p> + +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> + + +<p>But why talk of inconveniences, which +are in fact trifling, when compared +with the sinking of the heart I have +felt! I did not intend to touch this +painful string—God bless you!</p> + +<p class="right">Yours truly,                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-127" id="CPg_3-127"></a>[<a href="images/v3-127.png">127</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER XLIV</h4> + +<p class="right">Friday, June 12.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I have</span> just received yours dated the +9th, which I suppose was a mistake, for +it could scarcely have loitered so long +on the road. The general observations +which apply to the state of your own +mind, appear to me just, as far as they +go; and I shall always consider it as +one of the most serious misfortunes of +my life, that I did not meet you, before +satiety had rendered your senses so fastidious, +as almost to close up every tender +avenue of sentiment and affection +that leads to your sympathetic heart. +You have a heart, my friend, yet, hurried +away by the impetuosity of inferior +feelings, you have sought in vulgar<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-128" id="CPg_3-128"></a>[<a href="images/v3-128.png">128</a>]</span> +excesses, for that gratification which +only the heart can bestow.</p> + +<p>The common run of men, I know, +with strong health and gross appetites, +must have variety to banish <i>ennui</i>, because +the imagination never lends its +magic wand, to convert appetite into +love, cemented by according reason.—Ah! +my friend, you know not the ineffable +delight, the exquisite pleasure, +which arises from a unison of affection +and desire, when the whole soul and +senses are abandoned to a lively imagination, +that renders every emotion delicate +and rapturous. Yes; these are +emotions, over which satiety has no +power, and the recollection of which, +even disappointment cannot disenchant; +but they do not exist without self-denial. +These emotions, more or less +strong, appear to me to be the distinc<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-129" id="CPg_3-129"></a>[<a href="images/v3-129.png">129</a>]</span>tive +characteristic of genius, the foundation +of taste, and of that exquisite +relish for the beauties of nature, of +which the common herd of eaters and +drinkers and <i>child-begeters</i>, certainly +have no idea. You will smile at an +observation that has just occurred to me:—I +consider those minds as the most +strong and original, whose imagination +acts as the stimulus to their senses.</p> + +<p>Well! you will ask, what is the result +of all this reasoning? Why I cannot +help thinking that it is possible for +you, having great strength of mind, +to return to nature, and regain a sanity +of constitution, and purity of feeling—which +would open your heart to me.—I +would fain rest there!</p> + +<p>Yet, convinced more than ever of +the sincerity and tenderness of my attachment +to you, the involuntary hopes,<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-130" id="CPg_3-130"></a>[<a href="images/v3-130.png">130</a>]</span> +which a determination to live has revived, +are not sufficiently strong to dissipate +the cloud, that despair has spread +over futurity. I have looked at the +sea, and at my child, hardly daring to +own to myself the secret wish, that it +might become our tomb; and that the +heart, still so alive to anguish, might +there be quieted by death. At this +moment ten thousand complicated sentiments +press for utterance, weigh on +my heart, and obscure my sight.</p> + +<p>Are we ever to meet again? and will +you endeavour to render that meeting +happier than the last? Will you endeavour +to restrain your caprices, in order +to give vigour to affection, and to give +play to the checked sentiments that +nature intended should expand your +heart? I cannot indeed, without agony, +think of your bosom's being conti<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-131" id="CPg_3-131"></a>[<a href="images/v3-131.png">131</a>]</span>nually +contaminated; and bitter are +the tears which exhaust my eyes, when +I recollect why my child and I are +forced to stray from the asylum, in +which, after so many storms, I had +hoped to rest, smiling at angry fate.—These +are not common sorrows; nor +can you perhaps conceive, how much +active fortitude it requires to labour +perpetually to blunt the shafts of disappointment.</p> + +<p>Examine now yourself, and ascertain +whether you can live in something-like +a settled stile. Let our confidence +in future be unbounded; consider whether +you find it necessary to sacrifice +me to what you term "the zest of life;" +and, when you have once a clear view +of your own motives, of your own incentive +to action, do not deceive me!</p> + +<p>The train of thoughts which the<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-132" id="CPg_3-132"></a>[<a href="images/v3-132.png">132</a>]</span> +writing of this epistle awoke, makes +me so wretched, that I must take a +walk, to rouse and calm my mind. +But first, let me tell you, that, if you +really wish to promote my happiness, +you will endeavour to give me as much +as you can of yourself. You have great +mental energy; and your judgment +seems to me so just, that it is only the +dupe of your inclination in discussing +one subject.</p> + +<p>The post does not go out to-day. +To-morrow I may write more tranquilly. +I cannot yet say when the vessel +will sail in which I have determined +to depart.</p> + +<hr /> + +<p class="right">Saturday Morning.</p> + +<p>Your second letter reached me about +an hour ago. You were certainly<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-133" id="CPg_3-133"></a>[<a href="images/v3-133.png">133</a>]</span> +wrong, in supposing that I did not mention +you with respect; though, without +my being conscious of it, some sparks +of resentment may have animated the +gloom of despair—Yes; with less affection, +I should have been more respectful. +However the regard which I +have for you, is so unequivocal to myself, +I imagine that it must be sufficiently +obvious to every body else. Besides, +the only letter I intended for the +public eye was to ——, and that I destroyed +from delicacy before you saw +them, because it was only written (of +course warmly in your praise) to prevent +any odium being thrown on you<a name="FNanchor_133-A_20" id="CFNanchor_133-A_20"></a><a href="#CFootnote_133-A_20" class="fnanchor">[133-A]</a>.</p> + +<p>I am harrassed by your embarrassments, +and shall certainly use all my<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-134" id="CPg_3-134"></a>[<a href="images/v3-134.png">134</a>]</span> +efforts, to make the business terminate +to your satisfaction in which I am engaged.</p> + +<p>My friend—my dearest friend—I feel +my fate united to yours by the most sacred +principles of my soul, and the +yearns of—yes, I will say it—a true, +unsophisticated heart.</p> + +<p class="right">Yours most truly                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<p>If the wind be fair, the captain +talks of sailing on Monday; but I am +afraid I shall be detained some days +longer. At any rate, continue to write, +(I want this support) till you are sure +I am where I cannot expect a letter; +and, if any should arrive after my departure, +a gentleman (not Mr. ——'s +friend, I promise you) from whom I<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-135" id="CPg_3-135"></a>[<a href="images/v3-135.png">135</a>]</span> +have received great civilities, will send +them after me.</p> + +<p>Do write by every occasion! I am +anxious to hear how your affairs go on; +and, still more, to be convinced that you +are not separating yourself from us. +For my little darling is calling papa, +and adding her parrot word—Come, +Come! And will you not come, and +let us exert ourselves?—I shall recover +all my energy, when I am convinced +that my exertions will draw us more +closely together. One more adieu!</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-136" id="CPg_3-136"></a>[<a href="images/v3-136.png">136</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER XLV</h4> + +<p class="right">Sunday, June 14.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I rather</span> expected to hear from you +to-day—I wish you would not fail to +write to me for a little time, because I +am not quite well—Whether I have any +good sleep or not, I wake in the morning +in violent fits of trembling—and, +in spite of all my efforts, the child—every +thing—fatigues me, in which I +seek for solace or amusement.</p> + +<p>Mr. —— forced on me a letter to a +physician of this place; it was fortunate, +for I should otherwise have had some +difficulty to obtain the necessary information. +His wife is a pretty woman +(I can admire, you know, a pretty wo<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-137" id="CPg_3-137"></a>[<a href="images/v3-137.png">137</a>]</span>man, +when I am alone) and he an intelligent +and rather interesting man.—They +have behaved to me with great +hospitality; and poor ——— was never +so happy in her life, as amongst their +young brood.</p> + +<p>They took me in their carriage to +———, and I ran over my favourite +walks, with a vivacity that would have +astonished you.—The town did not +please me quite so well as formerly—It +appeared so diminutive; and, when +I found that many of the inhabitants +had lived in the same houses ever since +I left it, I could not help wondering +how they could thus have vegetated, +whilst I was running over a world of +sorrow, snatching at pleasure, and +throwing off prejudices. The place +where I at present am, is much improved; +but it is astonishing what<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-138" id="CPg_3-138"></a>[<a href="images/v3-138.png">138</a>]</span> +strides aristocracy and fanaticism have +made, since I resided in this country.</p> + +<p>The wind does not appear inclined +to change, so I am still forced to linger—When +do you think that you shall +be able to set out for France? I do +not entirely like the aspect of your affairs, +and still less your connections on +either side of the water. Often do I +sigh, when I think of your entanglements +in business, and your extreme +restlessness of mind.—Even now I am +almost afraid to ask you, whether the +pleasure of being free, does not over-balance +the pain you felt at parting +with me? Sometimes I indulge the +hope that you will feel me necessary to +you—or why should we meet again?—but, +the moment after, despair damps +my rising spirits, aggravated by the<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-139" id="CPg_3-139"></a>[<a href="images/v3-139.png">139</a>]</span> +emotions of tenderness, which ought +to soften the cares of life.——God +bless you!</p> + +<p>Yours sincerely and affectionately</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER XLVI</h4> + +<p class="right">June 15.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I want</span> to know how you have +settled with respect to ———. In +short, be very particular in your account +of all your affairs—let our confidence, +my dear, be unbounded.—The +last time we were separated, was +a separation indeed on your part—Now +you have acted more ingenuously<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-140" id="CPg_3-140"></a>[<a href="images/v3-140.png">140</a>]</span>, +let the most affectionate interchange of +sentiments fill up the aching void of +disappointment. I almost dread that +your plans will prove abortive—yet +should the most unlucky turn send +you home to us, convinced that a true +friend is a treasure, I should not much +mind having to struggle with the world +again. Accuse me not of pride—yet +sometimes, when nature has opened +my heart to its author, I have wondered +that you did not set a higher value on +my heart.</p> + +<p>Receive a kiss from ———, I was +going to add, if you will not take one +from me, and believe me yours</p> + +<p class="right">Sincerely                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<p>The wind still continues in the same +quarter.</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-141" id="CPg_3-141"></a>[<a href="images/v3-141.png">141</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER XLVII</h4> + +<p class="right">Tuesday Morning.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">The</span> captain has just sent to inform +me, that I must be on board in the course +of a few hours.—I wished to have +stayed till to-morrow. It would have +been a comfort to me to have received +another letter from you—Should one +arrive, it will be sent after me.</p> + +<p>My spirits are agitated, I scarcely +know why——The quitting England +seems to be a fresh parting.—Surely +you will not forget me.—A thousand +weak forebodings assault my soul, and +the state of my health renders me sensible +to every thing. It is surprising +that in London, in a continual con<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-142" id="CPg_3-142"></a>[<a href="images/v3-142.png">142</a>]</span>flict +of mind, I was still growing better—whilst +here, bowed down by the +despotic hand of fate, forced into resignation +by despair, I seem to be fading +away—perishing beneath a cruel +blight, that withers up all my faculties.</p> + +<p>The child is perfectly well. My +hand seems unwilling to add adieu! I +know not why this inexpressible sadness +has taken possession of me.—It is +not a presentiment of ill. Yet, having +been so perpetually the sport of disappointment,—having +a heart that has +been as it were a mark for misery, I +dread to meet wretchedness in some +new shape.—Well, let it come—I care +not!—what have I to dread, who have +so little to hope for! God bless you—I +am most affectionately and sincerely +yours</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-143" id="CPg_3-143"></a>[<a href="images/v3-143.png">143</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER XLVIII</h4> + +<p class="right">Wednesday Morning.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I was</span> hurried on board yesterday +about three o'clock, the wind having +changed. But before evening it veered +round to the old point; and here we +are, in the midst of mists and water, +only taking advantage of the tide to advance +a few miles.</p> + +<p>You will scarcely suppose that I left +the town with reluctance—yet it was +even so—for I wished to receive another +letter from you, and I felt pain +at parting, for ever perhaps, from the +amiable family, who had treated me with +so much hospitality and kindness. They +will probably send me your letter, if it<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-144" id="CPg_3-144"></a>[<a href="images/v3-144.png">144</a>]</span> +arrives this morning; for here we are +likely to remain, I am afraid to think +how long.</p> + +<p>The vessel is very commodious, and +the captain a civil, open-hearted kind +of man. There being no other passengers, +I have the cabin to myself, +which is pleasant; and I have brought +a few books with me to beguile weariness; +but I seem inclined, rather to +employ the dead moments of suspence +in writing some effusions, than in reading.</p> + +<p>What are you about? How are +your affairs going on? It may be a +long time before you answer these +questions. My dear friend, my heart +sinks within me!—Why am I forced +thus to struggle continually with my +affections and feelings?—Ah! why are +those affections and feelings the source<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-145" id="CPg_3-145"></a>[<a href="images/v3-145.png">145</a>]</span> +of so much misery, when they seem to +have been given to vivify my heart, and +extend my usefulness! But I must not +dwell on this subject.—Will you not +endeavour to cherish all the affection +you can for me? What am I saying?—Rather +forget me, if you can—if +other gratifications are dearer to you.—How +is every remembrance of mine +embittered by disappointment? What a +world is this!—They only seem happy, +who never look beyond sensual or artificial +enjoyments.—Adieu!</p> + +<p>——— begins to play with the +cabin-boy, and is as gay as a lark.—I +will labour to be tranquil; and am in +every mood,</p> + +<p class="right">Yours sincerely                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-146" id="CPg_3-146"></a>[<a href="images/v3-146.png">146</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER XLIX</h4> + +<p class="right">Thursday.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Here</span> I am still—and I have just received +your letter of Monday by the +pilot, who promised to bring it to me, +if we were detained, as he expected, +by the wind.—It is indeed wearisome +to be thus tossed about without going +forward.—I have a violent head-ache—yet +I am obliged to take care of +the child, who is a little tormented +by her teeth, because ——— is unable +to do any thing, she is rendered +so sick by the motion of the ship, as +we ride at anchor.</p> + +<p>These are however trifling inconveniences, +compared with anguish of +mind—compared with the sinking of a<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-147" id="CPg_3-147"></a>[<a href="images/v3-147.png">147</a>]</span> +broken heart.—To tell you the truth, I +never suffered in my life so much from +depression of spirits—from despair.—I +do not sleep—or, if I close my eyes, it +is to have the most terrifying dreams, in +which I often meet you with different +casts of countenance.</p> + +<p>I will not, my dear ———, torment +you by dwelling on my sufferings—and +will use all my efforts to calm my mind, +instead of deadening it—at present it is +most painfully active. I find I am not +equal to these continual struggles—yet +your letter this morning has afforded +me some comfort—and I will try to revive +hope. One thing let me tell you—when +we meet again—surely we are to +meet!—it must be to part no more. I +mean not to have seas between us—it +is more than I can support.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-148" id="CPg_3-148"></a>[<a href="images/v3-148.png">148</a>]</span> +The pilot is hurrying me—God bless +you.</p> + +<p>In spite of the commodiousness of +the vessel, every thing here would disgust +my senses, had I nothing else to +think of—"When the mind's free, the +body's delicate;"—mine has been too +much hurt to regard trifles.</p> + +<p class="right">Yours most truly                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER L</h4> + +<p class="right">Saturday.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">This</span> is the fifth dreary day I have +been imprisoned by the wind, with +every outward object to disgust the +senses, and unable to banish the remembrances +that sadden my heart.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-149" id="CPg_3-149"></a>[<a href="images/v3-149.png">149</a>]</span> +How am I altered by disappointment!—When +going to ——, ten years +ago, the elasticity of my mind was +sufficient to ward off weariness—and +the imagination still could dip her +brush in the rainbow of fancy, and +sketch futurity in smiling colours. Now +I am going towards the North in +search of sunbeams!—Will any ever +warm this desolated heart? All nature +seems to frown—or rather mourn with +me.—Every thing is cold—cold as my +expectations! Before I left the shore, +tormented, as I now am, by these +North east <i>chillers</i>, I could not help +exclaiming—Give me, gracious Heaven! +at least, genial weather, if I am +never to meet the genial affection that +still warms this agitated bosom—compelling +life to linger there.</p> + +<p>I am now going on shore with the<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-150" id="CPg_3-150"></a>[<a href="images/v3-150.png">150</a>]</span> +captain, though the weather be rough, +to seek for milk, &c. at a little village, +and to take a walk—after which I hope +to sleep—for, confined here, surrounded +by disagreeable smells, I have lost +the little appetite I had; and I lie +awake, till thinking almost drives me +to the brink of madness—only to the +brink, for I never forget, even in the +feverish slumbers I sometimes fall into, +the misery I am labouring to blunt the +the sense of, by every exertion in my +power.</p> + +<p>Poor ——— still continues sick, +and ——— grows weary when the +weather will not allow her to remain +on deck.</p> + +<p>I hope this will be the last letter I shall +write from England to you—are you +not tired of this lingering adieu?</p> + +<p class="right">Yours truly                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-151" id="CPg_3-151"></a>[<a href="images/v3-151.png">151</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER LI</h4> + +<p class="right">Sunday Morning.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">The</span> captain last night, after I had +written my letter to you intended to +be left at a little village, offered to go +to —— to pass to-day. We had a +troublesome sail—and now I must hurry +on board again, for the wind has +changed.</p> + +<p>I half expected to find a letter from +you here. Had you written one haphazard, +it would have been kind and +considerate—you might have known, +had you thought, that the wind would +not permit me to depart. These are +attentions, more grateful to the heart<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-152" id="CPg_3-152"></a>[<a href="images/v3-152.png">152</a>]</span> +than offers of service—But why do I +foolishly continue to look for them?</p> + +<p>Adieu! adieu! My friend—your +friendship is very cold—you see I am +hurt.—God bless you! I may perhaps +be, some time or other, independent in +every sense of the word—Ah! there +is but one sense of it of consequence. +I will break or bend this weak heart—yet +even now it is full.</p> + +<p class="right">Yours sincerely                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<p>The child is well; I did not leave +her on board.</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-153" id="CPg_3-153"></a>[<a href="images/v3-153.png">153</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER LII</h4> + +<p class="right">June 27, Saturday.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I arrived</span> in ——— this afternoon, +after vainly attempting to land +at ——. I have now but a moment, +before the post goes out, to inform you +we have got here; though not without +considerable difficulty, for we were set +ashore in a boat above twenty miles +below.</p> + +<p>What I suffered in the vessel I will +not now descant upon—nor mention +the pleasure I received from the sight +of the rocky coast.—This morning +however, walking to join the carriage +that was to transport us to this place,<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-154" id="CPg_3-154"></a>[<a href="images/v3-154.png">154</a>]</span> +I fell, without any previous warning, +senseless on the rocks—and how I +escaped with life I can scarcely guess. +I was in a stupour for a quarter of an +hour; the suffusion of blood at last restored +me to my senses—the contusion +is great, and my brain confused. The +child is well.</p> + +<p>Twenty miles ride in the rain, after +my accident, has sufficiently deranged +me—and here I could not get a fire to +warm me, or any thing warm to eat; +the inns are mere stables—I must nevertheless +go to bed. For God's sake, let +me hear from you immediately, my +friend! I am not well and yet you +see I cannot die.</p> + +<p class="right">Yours sincerely                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-155" id="CPg_3-155"></a>[<a href="images/v3-155.png">155</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER LIII</h4> + +<p class="right">June 29.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I wrote</span> to you by the last post, to +inform you of my arrival; and I believe +I alluded to the extreme fatigue I endured +on ship-board, owing to ———'s +illness, and the roughness of the weather—I +likewise mentioned to you my +fall, the effects of which I still feel, +though I do not think it will have any +serious consequences.</p> + +<p>——— will go with me, if I find it +necessary to go to ———. The inns +here are so bad, I was forced to accept +of an apartment in his house. I am +overwhelmed with civilities on all sides,<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-156" id="CPg_3-156"></a>[<a href="images/v3-156.png">156</a>]</span> +and fatigued with the endeavours to +amuse me, from which I cannot escape.</p> + +<p>My friend—my friend, I am not +well—a deadly weight of sorrow lies +heavily on my heart. I am again tossed +on the troubled billows of life; and +obliged to cope with difficulties, without +being buoyed up by the hopes that +alone render them bearable. "How flat, +dull, and unprofitable," appears to me +all the bustle into which I see people +here so eagerly enter! I long every +night to go to bed, to hide my melancholy +face in my pillow; but there is +a canker-worm in my bosom that never +sleeps.</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-157" id="CPg_3-157"></a>[<a href="images/v3-157.png">157</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER LIV</h4> + +<p class="right">July 1.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I labour</span> in vain to calm my mind—my +soul has been overwhelmed by sorrow +and disappointment. Every thing +fatigues me—this is a life that cannot +last long. It is you who must determine +with respect to futurity—and, +when you have, I will act accordingly—I +mean, we must either resolve to live +together, or part for ever, I cannot +bear these continual struggles—But I +wish you to examine carefully your own +heart and mind; and, if you perceive +the least chance of being happier without +me than with me, or if your incli<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-158" id="CPg_3-158"></a>[<a href="images/v3-158.png">158</a>]</span>nation +leans capriciously to that side, +do not dissemble; but tell me frankly +that you will never see me more. I +will then adopt the plan I mentioned +to you—for we must either live together, +or I will be entirely independent.</p> + +<p>My heart is so oppressed, I cannot +write with precision—You know however +that what I so imperfectly express, +are not the crude sentiments of the +moment—You can only contribute to +my comfort (it is the consolation I am +in need of) by being with me—and, if +the tenderest friendship is of any value, +why will you not look to me for a degree +of satisfaction that heartless affections +cannot bestow?</p> + +<p>Tell me then, will you determine to +meet me at Basle?—I shall, I should +imagine, be at ——— before the close +of August; and, after you settle your<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-159" id="CPg_3-159"></a>[<a href="images/v3-159.png">159</a>]</span> +affairs at Paris, could we not meet +there?</p> + +<p>God bless you!</p> + +<p class="right">Yours truly                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<p>Poor ——— has suffered during the +journey with her teeth.</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER LV</h4> + +<p class="right">July 3.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">There</span> was a gloominess diffused +through your last letter, the impression +of which still rests on my mind—though, +recollecting how quickly you throw off +the forcible feelings of the moment, I<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-160" id="CPg_3-160"></a>[<a href="images/v3-160.png">160</a>]</span> +flatter myself it has long since given +place to your usual cheerfulness.</p> + +<p>Believe me (and my eyes fill with +tears of tenderness as I assure you) +there is nothing I would not endure in +the way of privation, rather than disturb +your tranquillity.—If I am fated +to be unhappy, I will labour to hide +my sorrows in my own bosom; and you +shall always find me a faithful, affectionate +friend.</p> + +<p>I grow more and more attached to +my little girl—and I cherish this affection +without fear, because it must be +a long time before it can become bitterness +of soul.—She is an interesting +creature.—On ship-board, how often +as I gazed at the sea, have I longed to +bury my troubled bosom in the less +troubled deep; asserting with Brutus, +"that the virtue I had followed too<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-161" id="CPg_3-161"></a>[<a href="images/v3-161.png">161</a>]</span> +far, was merely an empty name!" and +nothing but the sight of her—her playful +smiles, which seemed to cling and +twine round my heart—could have +stopped me.</p> + +<p>What peculiar misery has fallen to +my share! To act up to my principles, +I have laid the strictest restraint +on my very thoughts—yes; not to +sully the delicacy of my feelings, I have +reined in my imagination; and started +with affright from every sensation, +(I allude to ——) that stealing with +balmy sweetness into my soul, led me +to scent from afar the fragrance of reviving +nature.</p> + +<p>My friend, I have dearly paid for +one conviction.—Love, in some minds, +is an affair of sentiment, arising from +the same delicacy of perception (or +taste) as renders them alive to the<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-162" id="CPg_3-162"></a>[<a href="images/v3-162.png">162</a>]</span> +beauties of nature, poetry, &c., alive +to the charms of those evanescent graces +that are, as it were, impalpable—they +must be felt, they cannot be described.</p> + +<p>Love is a want of my heart. I have +examined myself lately with more care +than formerly, and find, that to deaden +is not to calm the mind—Aiming at +tranquillity, I have almost destroyed all +the energy of my soul—almost rooted +out what renders it estimable—Yes, I +have damped that enthusiasm of character, +which converts the grossest +materials into a fuel, that imperceptibly +feeds hopes, which aspire above +common enjoyment. Despair, since +the birth of my child, has rendered me +stupid—soul and body seemed to be +fading away before the withering touch +of disappointment.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-163" id="CPg_3-163"></a>[<a href="images/v3-163.png">163</a>]</span> +I am now endeavouring to recover +myself—and such is the elasticity of my +constitution, and the purity of the atmosphere +here, that health unsought +for, begins to reanimate my countenance.</p> + +<p>I have the sincerest esteem and affection +for you—but the desire of regaining +peace, (do you understand me?) +has made me forget the respect due to +my own emotions—sacred emotions, +that are the sure harbingers of the delights +I was formed to enjoy—and +shall enjoy, for nothing can extinguish +the heavenly spark.</p> + +<p>Still, when we meet again, I will +not torment you, I promise you. I +blush when I recollect my former conduct—and +will not in future confound +myself with the beings whom I feel to<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-164" id="CPg_3-164"></a>[<a href="images/v3-164.png">164</a>]</span> +be my inferiors.—I will listen to delicacy, +or pride.</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER LVI</h4> + +<p class="right">July 4.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I hope</span> to hear from you by to-morrow's +mail. My dearest friend! I cannot +tear my affections from you—and, +though every remembrance stings me +to the soul, I think of you, till I make +allowance for the very defects of character, +that have given such a cruel stab +to my peace.</p> + +<p>Still however I am more alive, than +you have seen me for a long, long time.<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-165" id="CPg_3-165"></a>[<a href="images/v3-165.png">165</a>]</span> +I have a degree of vivacity, even in my +grief, which is preferable to the benumbing +stupour that, for the last year, +has frozen up all my faculties.—Perhaps +this change is more owing to returning +health, than to the vigour of +my reason—for, in spite of sadness (and +surely I have had my share), the purity +of this air, and the being continually +out in it, for I sleep in the country every +night, has made an alteration in my +appearance that really surprises me.—The +rosy fingers of health already streak +my cheeks—and I have seen a <i>physical</i> +life in my eyes, after I have been climbing +the rocks, that resembled the fond, +credulous hopes of youth.</p> + +<p>With what a cruel sigh have I recollected +that I had forgotten to hope!—Reason, +or rather experience, does not +thus cruelly damp poor ———'s plea<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-166" id="CPg_3-166"></a>[<a href="images/v3-166.png">166</a>]</span>sures; +she plays all day in the garden +with ———'s children, and makes +friends for herself.</p> + +<p>Do not tell me, that you are happier +without us—Will you not come to us in +Switzerland? Ah, why do not you +love us with more sentiment?—why +are you a creature of such sympathy, +that the warmth of your feelings, or +rather quickness of your senses, hardens +your heart? It is my misfortune, +that my imagination is perpetually +shading your defects, and lending you +charms, whilst the grossness of your +senses makes you (call me not vain) +overlook graces in me, that only dignity +of mind, and the sensibility of an +expanded heart can give.—God bless +you! Adieu.</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-167" id="CPg_3-167"></a>[<a href="images/v3-167.png">167</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER LVII</h4> + +<p class="right">July 7.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I could</span> not help feeling extremely +mortified last post, at not receiving +a letter from you. My being at ——— +was but a chance, and you might have +hazarded it; and would a year ago.</p> + +<p>I shall not however complain—There +are misfortunes so great, as to +silence the usual expressions of sorrow—Believe +me, there is such a thing as a +broken heart! There are characters +whose very energy preys upon them; +and who, ever inclined to cherish by +reflection some passion, cannot rest satisfied +with the common comforts of<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-168" id="CPg_3-168"></a>[<a href="images/v3-168.png">168</a>]</span> +life. I have endeavoured to fly from +myself, and launched into all the dissipation +possible here, only to feel keener +anguish, when alone with my child.</p> + +<p>Still, could any thing please me—had +not disappointment cut me off +from life, this romantic country, these +fine evenings, would interest me.—My +God! can any thing? and am I ever +to feel alive only to painful sensations?—But +it cannot—it shall not last +long.</p> + +<p>The post is again arrived; I have +sent to seek for letters, only to be +wounded to the soul by a negative.—My +brain seems on fire, I must go into +the air.</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-169" id="CPg_3-169"></a>[<a href="images/v3-169.png">169</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER LVIII</h4> + +<p class="right">July 14.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I am</span> now on my journey to ———. +I felt more at leaving my child, than I +thought I should—and, whilst at night +I imagined every instant that I heard +the half-formed sounds of her voice,—I +asked myself how I could think of +parting with her for ever, of leaving +her thus helpless?</p> + +<p>Poor lamb! It may run very well +in a tale, that "God will temper the +winds to the shorn lamb!" but how +can I expect that she will be shielded, +when my naked bosom has had to +brave continually the pitiless storm?<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-170" id="CPg_3-170"></a>[<a href="images/v3-170.png">170</a>]</span> +Yes; I could add, with poor Lear—What +is the war of elements to the +pangs of disappointed affection, and +the horror arising from a discovery of +a breach of confidence, that snaps every +social tie!</p> + +<p>All is not right somewhere!—When +you first knew me, I was not thus lost. +I could still confide—for I opened my +heart to you—of this only comfort you +have deprived me, whilst my happiness, +you tell me, was your first object. +Strange want of judgment!</p> + +<p>I will not complain; but, from the +soundness of your understanding, I am +convinced, if you give yourself leave to +reflect, you will also feel, that your +conduct to me, so far from being generous, +has not been just.—I mean not +to allude to factitious principles of +morality; but to the simple basis of all<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-171" id="CPg_3-171"></a>[<a href="images/v3-171.png">171</a>]</span> +rectitude.—However I did not intend +to argue—Your not writing is cruel—and +my reason is perhaps disturbed +by constant wretchedness.</p> + +<p>Poor ——— would fain have accompanied +me, out of tenderness; for +my fainting, or rather convulsion, +when I landed, and my sudden changes +of countenance since, have alarmed +her so much, that she is perpetually +afraid of some accident—But it would +have injured the child this warm season, +as she is cutting her teeth.</p> + +<p>I hear not of your having written to +me at ——. Very well! Act as you +please—there is nothing I fear or care +for! When I see whether I can, or +cannot obtain the money I am come +here about, I will not trouble you +with letters to which you do not reply.</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-172" id="CPg_3-172"></a>[<a href="images/v3-172.png">172</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER LIX</h4> + +<p class="right">July 18.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I am</span> here in ——, separated +from my child—and here I must remain +a month at least, or I might as well +never have come.</p> + +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> + +<p>I have begun ———— which will, +I hope, discharge all my obligations +of a pecuniary kind.—I am lowered in +my own eyes, on account of my not +having done it sooner.</p> + +<p>I shall make no further comments on +your silence. God bless you!</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-173" id="CPg_3-173"></a>[<a href="images/v3-173.png">173</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER LX</h4> + +<p class="right">July 30.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I have</span> just received two of your +letters, dated the 26th and 30th of June; +and you must have received several +from me, informing you of my detention, +and how much I was hurt by +your silence.</p> + +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> + +<p>Write to me then, my friend, and +write explicitly. I have suffered, God +knows, since I left you. Ah! you have +never felt this kind of sickness of heart!—My +mind however is at present +painfully active, and the sympathy I<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-174" id="CPg_3-174"></a>[<a href="images/v3-174.png">174</a>]</span> +feel almost rises to agony. But this is +not a subject of complaint, it has afforded +me pleasure,—and reflected +pleasure is all I have to hope for—if a +spark of hope be yet alive in my forlorn +bosom.</p> + +<p>I will try to write with a degree of +composure. I wish for us to live together, +because I want you to acquire an +habitual tenderness for my poor girl. +I cannot bear to think of leaving her +alone in the world, or that she should +only be protected by your sense of duty. +Next to preserving her, my most earnest +wish is not to disturb your peace. I +have nothing to expect, and little to +fear, in life—There are wounds that +can never be healed—but they may be +allowed to fester in silence without +wincing.</p> + +<p>When we meet again, you shall be<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-175" id="CPg_3-175"></a>[<a href="images/v3-175.png">175</a>]</span> +convinced that I have more resolution +than you give me credit for. I will not +torment you. If I am destined always +to be disappointed and unhappy, I will +conceal the anguish I cannot dissipate; +and the tightened cord of life or reason +will at last snap, and set me free.</p> + +<p>Yes; I shall be happy—This heart is +worthy of the bliss its feelings anticipate—and +I cannot even persuade myself, +wretched as they have made me, +that my principles and sentiments are +not founded in nature and truth. But +to have done with these subjects.</p> + +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> + +<p>I have been seriously employed in this +way since I came to ——; yet I never +was so much in the air.—I walk, I ride +on horseback—row, bathe, and even<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-176" id="CPg_3-176"></a>[<a href="images/v3-176.png">176</a>]</span> +sleep in the fields; my health is consequently +improved. The child, ——— +informs me, is well. I long to be with +her.</p> + +<p>Write to me immediately—were I +only to think of myself, I could wish +you to return to me, poor, with the simplicity +of character, part of which you +seem lately to have lost, that first attached +to you.</p> + +<p class="right">Yours most affectionately            </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *    * * * * *</p> + +<p>I have been subscribing other letters—so +I mechanically did the same to +yours.</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-177" id="CPg_3-177"></a>[<a href="images/v3-177.png">177</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER LXI</h4> + +<p class="right">August 5.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Employment</span> and exercise have +been of great service to me; and I have +entirely recovered the strength and activity +I lost during the time of my nursing. +I have seldom been in better +health; and my mind, though trembling +to the touch of anguish, is calmer—yet +still the same.—I have, it is true, +enjoyed some tranquillity, and more happiness +here, than for a long—long +time past.—(I say happiness, for I can +give no other appellation to the exquisite +delight this wild country and fine +summer have afforded me.)—Still, on examining +my heart, I find that it is so<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-178" id="CPg_3-178"></a>[<a href="images/v3-178.png">178</a>]</span> +constituted, I cannot live without some +particular affection—I am afraid not +without a passion—and I feel the want +of it more in society, than in solitude—</p> + +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> + +<p>Writing to you, whenever an affectionate +epithet occurs—my eyes fill +with tears, and my trembling hand +stops—you may then depend on my resolution, +when with you. If I am +doomed to be unhappy, I will confine +my anguish in my own bosom—tenderness, +rather than passion, has made me +sometimes overlook delicacy—the same +tenderness will in future restrain me. +God bless you!</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-179" id="CPg_3-179"></a>[<a href="images/v3-179.png">179</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER LXII</h4> + +<p class="right">August 7.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Air</span>, exercise, and bathing, have +restored me to health, braced my muscles, +and covered my ribs, even whilst +I have recovered my former activity.—I +cannot tell you that my mind is calm, +though I have snatched some moments +of exquisite delight, wandering through +the woods, and resting on the rocks.</p> + +<p>This state of suspense, my friend, is +intolerable; we must determine on +something—and soon;—we must meet +shortly, or part for ever. I am sensible +that I acted foolishly—but I was +wretched—when we were together—Expecting +too much, I let the pleasure<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-180" id="CPg_3-180"></a>[<a href="images/v3-180.png">180</a>]</span> +I might have caught, slip from me. I +cannot live with you—I ought not—if +you form another attachment. But I +promise you, mine shall not be intruded +on you. Little reason have I to expect +a shadow of happiness, after the cruel +disappointments that have rent my +heart; but that of my child seems to +depend on our being together. Still I +do not wish you to sacrifice a chance of +enjoyment for an uncertain good. I +feel a conviction, that I can provide +for her, and it shall be my object—if +we are indeed to part to meet no more. +Her affection must not be divided. She +must be a comfort to me—if I am to +have no other—and only know me as +her support.—I feel that I cannot endure +the anguish of corresponding +with you—if we are only to correspond.—No; +if you seek for happi<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-181" id="CPg_3-181"></a>[<a href="images/v3-181.png">181</a>]</span>ness +elsewhere, my letters shall not interrupt +your repose. I will be dead to +you. I cannot express to you what +pain it gives me to write about an eternal +separation.—You must determine—examine +yourself—But, for God's sake! +spare me the anxiety of uncertainty!—I +may sink under the trial; but I will +not complain.</p> + +<p>Adieu! If I had any thing more to +say to you, it is all flown, and absorbed +by the most tormenting apprehensions, +yet I scarcely know what new form of +misery I have to dread.</p> + +<p>I ought to beg your pardon for having +sometimes written peevishly; but +you will impute it to affection, if you +understand any thing of the heart of</p> + +<p class="right">Yours truly                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-182" id="CPg_3-182"></a>[<a href="images/v3-182.png">182</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER LXIII</h4> + +<p class="right">August 9.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Five</span> of your letters have been sent +after me from ——. One, dated the +14th of July, was written in a style +which I may have merited, but did +not expect from you. However this +is not a time to reply to it, except to +assure you that you shall not be tormented +with any more complaints. I +am disgusted with myself for having so +long importuned you with my affection.——</p> + +<p>My child is very well. We shall soon +meet, to part no more, I hope—I mean, +I and my girl.—I shall wait with some<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-183" id="CPg_3-183"></a>[<a href="images/v3-183.png">183</a>]</span> +degree of anxiety till I am informed +how your affairs terminate.</p> + +<p class="right">Yours sincerely                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER LXIV</h4> + +<p class="right">August 26.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I arrived</span> here last night, and with +the most exquisite delight, once more +pressed my babe to my heart. We +shall part no more. You perhaps cannot +conceive the pleasure it gave me, to +see her run about, and play alone. Her +increasing intelligence attaches me more +and more to her. I have promised her that +I will fulfil my duty to her; and nothing<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-184" id="CPg_3-184"></a>[<a href="images/v3-184.png">184</a>]</span> +in future shall make me forget it. I +will also exert myself to obtain an independence +for her; but I will not be +too anxious on this head.</p> + +<p>I have already told you, that I have +recovered my health. Vigour, and +even vivacity of mind, have returned +with a renovated constitution. As for +peace, we will not talk of it. I was +not made, perhaps, to enjoy the calm +contentment so termed.—</p> + +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> + +<p>You tell me that my letters torture +you; I will not describe the effect +yours have on me. I received +three this morning, the last dated the +7th of this month. I mean not to give +vent to the emotions they produced.<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-185" id="CPg_3-185"></a>[<a href="images/v3-185.png">185</a>]</span>—Certainly +you are right; our minds are +not congenial. I have lived in an ideal +world, and fostered sentiments that you +do not comprehend—or you would not +treat me thus. I am not, I will not +be, merely an object of compassion—a +clog, however light, to teize you. Forget +that I exist: I will never remind +you. Something emphatical whispers +me to put an end to these struggles. +Be free—I will not torment, when I +cannot please. I can take care of my +child; you need not continually tell me +that our fortune is inseparable, <i>that you +will try to cherish tenderness</i> for me. Do +no violence to yourself! When we are +separated, our interest, since you give +so much weight to pecuniary considerations, +will be entirely divided. I want +not protection without affection; and +support I need not, whilst my faculties<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-186" id="CPg_3-186"></a>[<a href="images/v3-186.png">186</a>]</span> +are undisturbed. I had a dislike to living +in England; but painful feelings +must give way to superior considerations. +I may not be able to acquire +the sum necessary to maintain my child +and self elsewhere. It is too late to go to +Switzerland. I shall not remain at ——, +living expensively. But be not alarmed! +I shall not force myself on you any +more.</p> + +<p>Adieu! I am agitated—my whole +frame is convulsed—my lips tremble, +as if shook by cold, though fire seems to +be circulating in my veins.</p> + +<p>God bless you.</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-187" id="CPg_3-187"></a>[<a href="images/v3-187.png">187</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER LXV</h4> + +<p class="right">September 6.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I received</span> just now your letter of the +20th. I had written you a letter last +night, into which imperceptibly slipt +some of my bitterness of soul. I will +copy the part relative to business. I +am not sufficiently vain to imagine that +I can, for more than a moment, cloud +your enjoyment of life—to prevent +even that, you had better never hear +from me—and repose on the idea that +I am happy.</p> + +<p>Gracious God! It is impossible for +me to stifle something like resentment, +when I receive fresh proofs of your in<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-188" id="CPg_3-188"></a>[<a href="images/v3-188.png">188</a>]</span>difference. +What I have suffered this +last year, is not to be forgotten! I +have not that happy substitute for wisdom, +insensibility—and the lively sympathies +which bind me to my fellow-creatures, +are all of a painful kind.—They +are the agonies of a broken heart—pleasure +and I have shaken hands.</p> + +<p>I see here nothing but heaps of ruins, +and only converse with people immersed +in trade and sensuality.</p> + +<p>I am weary of travelling—yet seem +to have no home—no resting place to +look to.—I am strangely cast off.—How +often, passing through the rocks, I have +thought, "But for this child, I would +lay my head on one of them, and never +open my eyes again!" With a heart +feelingly alive to all the affections of +my nature—I have never met with one, +softer than the stone that I would fain<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-189" id="CPg_3-189"></a>[<a href="images/v3-189.png">189</a>]</span> +take for my last pillow. I once thought +I had, but it was all a delusion. I meet +with families continually, who are +bound together by affection or principle—and, +when I am conscious that I +have fulfilled the duties of my station, +almost to a forgetfulness of myself, I +am ready to demand, in a murmuring +tone, of Heaven, "Why am I thus +abandoned?"</p> + +<p>You say now    —    —    —</p> + +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> + +<p>I do not understand you. It is necessary +for you to write more explicitly—and +determine on some mode of conduct.—I +cannot endure this suspense—Decide—Do +you fear to strike another +blow? We live together, or eternally +part!—I shall not write to you again, +till I receive an answer to this. I must<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-190" id="CPg_3-190"></a>[<a href="images/v3-190.png">190</a>]</span> +compose my tortured soul, before I +write on indifferent subjects.    —    —</p> + +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> + +<p>I do not know whether I write intelligibly, +for my head is disturbed.—But this +you ought to pardon—for it is with difficulty +frequently that I make out what +you mean to say—You write, I suppose, +at Mr. ——'s after dinner, when your +head is not the clearest—and as for your +heart, if you have one, I see nothing +like the dictates of affection, unless a +glimpse when you mention, the child.—Adieu!</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-191" id="CPg_3-191"></a>[<a href="images/v3-191.png">191</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER LXVI</h4> + +<p class="right">September 25.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I have</span> just finished a letter, to be +given in charge to captain ———. +In that I complained of your silence, +and expressed my surprise that three +mails should have arrived without +bringing a line for me. Since I +closed it, I hear of another, and still +no letter.—I am labouring to write +calmly—this silence is a refinement on +cruelty. Had captain ——— remained +a few days longer, I would have +returned with him to England. What +have I to do here? I have repeatedly<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-192" id="CPg_3-192"></a>[<a href="images/v3-192.png">192</a>]</span> +written to you fully. Do you do the +same—and quickly. Do not leave me +in suspense. I have not deserved this +of you. I cannot write, my mind is +so distressed. Adieu!</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + + +<h4>END VOL. III.</h4> + +<div class="footnotes"><h3>FOOTNOTES:</h3> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_4-A_12" id="CFootnote_4-A_12"></a><a href="#CFNanchor_4-A_12"><span class="label">[4-A]</span></a> The child is in a subsequent letter called the +"barrier girl," probably from a supposition that +she owed her existence to this interview. +</p><p class="right"><span class="smcap">editor.</span></p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_7-A_13" id="CFootnote_7-A_13"></a><a href="#CFNanchor_7-A_13"><span class="label">[7-A]</span></a> This and the thirteen following letters appear +to have been written during a separation of several +months; the date, Paris.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_27-A_14" id="CFootnote_27-A_14"></a><a href="#CFNanchor_27-A_14"><span class="label">[27-A]</span></a> Some further letters, written during the remainder +of the week, in a similar strain to the +preceding, appear to have been destroyed by the +person to whom they were addressed.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_47-A_15" id="CFootnote_47-A_15"></a><a href="#CFNanchor_47-A_15"><span class="label">[47-A]</span></a> The child spoken of in some preceding letters, +had now been born a considerable time.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_50-A_16" id="CFootnote_50-A_16"></a><a href="#CFNanchor_50-A_16"><span class="label">[50-A]</span></a> She means, "the latter more than the former." +</p><p class="right"><span class="smcap">editor.</span></p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_58-A_17" id="CFootnote_58-A_17"></a><a href="#CFNanchor_58-A_17"><span class="label">[58-A]</span></a> This is the first of a series of letters written +during a separation of many months, to which no +cordial meeting ever succeeded. They were sent +from Paris, and bear the address of London.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_91-A_18" id="CFootnote_91-A_18"></a><a href="#CFNanchor_91-A_18"><span class="label">[91-A]</span></a> The person to whom the letters are addressed, +was about this time at Ramsgate, on his return, +as he professed, to Paris, when he was recalled, +as it should seem, to London, by the further pressure +of business now accumulated upon him.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_100-A_19" id="CFootnote_100-A_19"></a><a href="#CFNanchor_100-A_19"><span class="label">[100-A]</span></a> This probably alludes to some expression of +the person to whom the letters are addressed, in +which he treated as common evils, things upon +which the letter writer was disposed to bestow a +different appellation. +</p><p class="right"><span class="smcap">editor.</span></p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_133-A_20" id="CFootnote_133-A_20"></a><a href="#CFNanchor_133-A_20"><span class="label">[133-A]</span></a> This passage refers to letters written under +a purpose of suicide, and not intended to be +opened till after the catastrophe.</p></div> +</div> + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-i_S" id="CPg_3-i_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-i.png">i</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-ii_S" id="CPg_3-ii_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-ii.png">ii</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h1><a name="V3S" id="V3S"></a>POSTHUMOUS WORKS</h1> +<h3>OF THE</h3> + +<h1>AUTHOR</h1> + +<h3>OF A</h3> + +<h2>VINDICATION OF THE RIGHTS OF WOMAN.</h2> +<p> </p> +<h2>IN FOUR VOLUMES.</h2> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<hr /> +<p> </p> +<h1>VOL. III.</h1> +<p> </p> +<hr /> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h4><i>LONDON:</i></h4> + +<h5>PRINTED FOR J. JOHNSON, NO. 72, ST. PAUL'S<br /> + CHURCH-YARD; AND G. G. AND J. ROBINSON,<br /> + PATERNOSTER-ROW.<br /> + 1798.</h5> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-iii_S" id="CPg_3-iii_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-iii.png">iii</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-iv_S" id="CPg_3-iv_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-iv.png">iv</a>]</span></p> +<hr class="full" /> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h1>LETTERS</h1> +<h3>AND</h3> +<h1>MISCELLANEOUS PIECES.</h1> + +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h2>IN TWO VOLUMES.</h2> +<p> </p> +<hr /> +<p> </p> +<h1>VOL. I.</h1> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-v_S" id="CPg_3-v_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-v.png">v</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-vi_S" id="CPg_3-vi_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-vi.png">vi</a>]</span></p> +<hr class="full" /> +<h2><a name="CV3_PREFACE_S" id="CV3_PREFACE_S"></a>PREFACE.</h2> + +<p><span class="smcap">The</span> following Letters may poſſibly +be found to contain the fineſt examples +of the language of ſentiment and +paſſion ever preſented to the world. +They bear a ſtriking reſemblance to +the celebrated romance of Werter, +though the incidents to which they relate +are of a very different caſt. Probably +the readers to whom Werter +is incapable of affording pleaſure, will +receive no delight from the preſent +publication. The editor apprehends<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-vii_S" id="CPg_3-vii_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-vii.png">vii</a>]</span> +that, in the judgment of thoſe beſt +qualified to decide upon the compariſon, +theſe Letters will be admitted to +have the ſuperiority over the fiction of +Goethe. They are the offſpring of a +glowing imagination, and a heart penetrated +with the paſſion it eſſays to deſcribe.</p> + +<p>To the ſeries of letters conſtituting +the principal article in theſe two volumes, +are added various pieces, none +of which, it is hoped, will be found +diſcreditable to the talents of the author. +The ſlight fragment of Letters on +the Management of Infants, may be +thought a trifle; but it ſeems to have +ſome value, as preſenting to us with +vividneſs the intention of the writer on<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-viii_S" id="CPg_3-viii_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-viii.png">viii</a>]</span> +this important ſubject. The publication +of a few ſelect Letters to Mr. +Johnſon, appeared to be at once a juſt +monument to the ſincerity of his friendſhip, +and a valuable and intereſting +ſpecimen of the mind of the writer. +The Letter on the Preſent Character +of the French Nation, the Extract of +the Cave of Fancy, a Tale, and the +Hints for the Second Part of the Rights +of Woman, may, I believe, ſafely be +left to ſpeak for themſelves. The Eſſay +on Poetry and our Reliſh for the Beauties +of Nature, appeared in the Monthly +Magazine for April laſt, and is the +only piece in this collection which has +previouſly found its way to the preſs.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-ix_S" id="CPg_3-ix_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-ix.png">ix</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-1_S" id="CPg_3-1_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-1.png">1</a>]</span></p> + +<hr class="full" /> +<h2><a name="CV3_LETTERS_S" id="CV3_LETTERS_S"></a>LETTERS.</h2> + + +<h4>LETTER I</h4> + +<p class="right">Two o'Clock.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">My</span> dear love, after making my +arrangements for our ſnug dinner to-day, +I have been taken by ſtorm, +and obliged to promiſe to dine, at +an early hour, with the Miſs ——s, +the <i>only</i> day they intend to paſs here. +I ſhall however leave the key in the +door, and hope to find you at my +fire-ſide when I return, about eight +o'clock. Will you not wait for poor +Joan?—whom you will find better, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-2_S" id="CPg_3-2_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-2.png">2</a>]</span> +till then think very affectionately of +her.</p> + +<p class="right">Yours, truly,                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<p>I am ſitting down to dinner; ſo do +not ſend an anſwer.</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER II</h4> + +<p class="right">Paſt Twelve o'Clock, Monday night.</p> + +<p class="right">[Auguſt.]       </p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I obey</span> an emotion of my heart, +which made me think of wiſhing thee, +my love, good-night! before I go to +reſt, with more tenderneſs than I can +to-morrow, when writing a haſty line +or two under Colonel ——'s eye. You +can ſcarcely imagine with what pleaſure +I anticipate the day, when we are<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-3_S" id="CPg_3-3_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-3.png">3</a>]</span> +to begin almoſt to live together; and +you would ſmile to hear how many +plans of employment I have in my head, +now that I am confident my heart has +found peace in your boſom.—Cheriſh +me with that dignified tenderneſs, +which I have only found in you; and +your own dear girl will try to keep under +a quickneſs of feeling, that has +ſometimes given you pain—Yes, I will +be <i>good</i>, that I may deſerve to be happy; +and whilſt you love me, I cannot +again fall into the miſerable ſtate, which +rendered life a burthen almoſt too heavy +to be borne.</p> + +<p>But, good-night!—God bleſs you! +Sterne ſays, that is equal to a kiſs—yet +I would rather give you the kiſs into +the bargain, glowing with gratitude to +Heaven, and affection to you. I like +the word affection, becauſe it ſignifies<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-4_S" id="CPg_3-4_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-4.png">4</a>]</span> +ſomething habitual; and we are ſoon to +meet, to try whether we have mind +enough to keep our hearts warm.</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<p>I will be at the barrier a little after +ten o'clock to-morrow<a name="FNanchor_4-A_12_S" id="CFNanchor_4-A_12_S"></a><a href="#CFootnote_4-A_12_S" class="fnanchor">[4-A]</a>.—Yours—</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER III</h4> + +<p class="right">Wedneſday Morning.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">You</span> have often called me, dear girl, +but you would now ſay good, did you +know how very attentive I have been +to the —— ever ſince I came to Paris. +I am not however going to trouble<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-5_S" id="CPg_3-5_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-5.png">5</a>]</span> +you with the account, becauſe I like to +ſee your eyes praiſe me; and, Milton +inſinuates, that, during ſuch recitals, +there are interruptions, not ungrateful +to the heart, when the honey that drops +from the lips is not merely words.</p> + +<p>Yet, I ſhall not (let me tell you before +theſe people enter, to force me to +huddle away my letter) be content with +only a kiſs of <span class="smcap">duty</span>—you <i>muſt</i> be glad to +ſee me—becauſe you are glad—or I will +make love to the <i>ſhade</i> of Mirabeau, to +whom my heart continually turned, +whilſt I was talking with Madame +——, forcibly telling me, that it will +ever have ſufficient warmth to love, +whether I will or not, ſentiment, though +I ſo highly reſpect principle.——</p> + +<p>Not that I think Mirabeau utterly +devoid of principles—Far from it—and, +if I had not begun to form a new the<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-6_S" id="CPg_3-6_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-6.png">6</a>]</span>ory +reſpecting men, I ſhould, in the vanity +of my heart, have <i>imagined</i> that <i>I</i> +could have made ſomething of his——it +was compoſed of ſuch materials—Huſh! +here they come—and love flies +away in the twinkling of an eye, leaving +a little bruſh of his wing on my +pale cheeks.</p> + +<p>I hope to ſee Dr. —— this morning; +I am going to Mr. ——'s to meet him. +——, and ſome others, are invited to +dine with us to-day; and to-morrow I +am to ſpend the day with ——.</p> + +<p>I ſhall probably not be able to return +to —— to-morrow; but it is no matter, +becauſe I muſt take a carriage, I +have ſo many books, that I immediately +want, to take with me.—On Friday +then I ſhall expect you to dine +with me—and, if you come a little before +dinner, it is ſo long ſince I have<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-7_S" id="CPg_3-7_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-7.png">7</a>]</span> +ſeen you, you will not be ſcolded by +yours affectionately</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER IV<a name="FNanchor_7-A_13_S" id="CFNanchor_7-A_13_S"></a><a href="#CFootnote_7-A_13_S" class="fnanchor">[7-A]</a>.</h4> + +<p class="right">Friday Morning [September.]</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">A man</span>, whom a letter from Mr. —— +previouſly announced, called here yeſterday +for the payment of a draft; and, +as he ſeemed diſappointed at not finding +you at home, I ſent him to Mr. ——. +I have ſince ſeen him, and he tells me +that he has ſettled the buſineſs.</p> + +<p>So much for buſineſs!—May I venture +to talk a little longer about leſs +weighty affairs?—How are you?—I<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-8_S" id="CPg_3-8_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-8.png">8</a>]</span> +have been following you all along the +road this comfortleſs weather; for, +when I am abſent from thoſe I love, my +imagination is as lively, as if my ſenſes +had never been gratified by their preſence—I +was going to ſay careſſes—and +why ſhould I not? I have found out +that I have more mind than you, in one +reſpect; becauſe I can, without any +violent effort of reaſon, find food for +love in the ſame object, much longer +than you can.—The way to my ſenſes +is through my heart; but, forgive me! +I think there is ſometimes a ſhorter cut +to yours.</p> + +<p>With ninety-nine men out of a hundred, +a very ſufficient daſh of folly is +neceſſary to render a woman <i>piquante</i>, a +ſoft word for deſirable; and, beyond +theſe caſual ebullitions of ſympathy, +few look for enjoyment by foſtering a<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-9_S" id="CPg_3-9_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-9.png">9</a>]</span> +paſſion in their hearts. One reaſon, in +ſhort, why I wiſh my whole ſex to become +wiſer, is, that the fooliſh ones +may not, by their pretty folly, rob thoſe +whoſe ſenſibility keeps down their vanity, +of the few roſes that afford them +ſome ſolace in the thorny road of life.</p> + +<p>I do not know how I fell into theſe +reflections, excepting one thought produced +it—that theſe continual ſeparations +were neceſſary to warm your affection.—Of +late, we are always ſeparating.—Crack!—crack!—and away +you go.—This joke wears the ſallow +caſt of thought; for, though I began to +write cheerfully, ſome melancholy tears +have found their way into my eyes, that +linger there, whilſt a glow of tenderneſs +at my heart whiſpers that you are one +of the beſt creatures in the world.—Pardon +then the vagaries of a mind,<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-10_S" id="CPg_3-10_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-10.png">10</a>]</span> +that has been almoſt "crazed by care," +as well as "croſſed in hapleſs love," +and bear with me a <i>little</i> longer!—When +we are ſettled in the country together, +more duties will open before me, and +my heart, which now, trembling into +peace, is agitated by every emotion that +awakens the remembrance of old griefs, +will learn to reſt on yours, with that +dignity your character, not to talk of +my own, demands.</p> + +<p>Take care of yourſelf—and write +ſoon to your own girl (you may add +dear, if you pleaſe) who ſincerely loves +you, and will try to convince you of it, +by becoming happier.</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-11_S" id="CPg_3-11_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-11.png">11</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER V</h4> + +<p class="right">Sunday Night.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I have</span> juſt received your letter, and +feel as if I could not go to bed tranquilly +without ſaying a few words in reply—merely +to tell you, that my mind is ſerene, +and my heart affectionate.</p> + +<p>Ever ſince you laſt ſaw me inclined +to faint, I have felt ſome gentle twitches, +which make me begin to think, that I +am nouriſhing a creature who will ſoon +be ſenſible of my care.—This thought +has not only produced an overflowing of +tenderneſs to you, but made me very +attentive to calm my mind and take +exerciſe, leſt I ſhould deſtroy an object, +in whom we are to have a mutual intereſt, +you know. Yeſterday—do not +ſmile!—finding that I had hurt myſelf<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-12_S" id="CPg_3-12_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-12.png">12</a>]</span> +by lifting precipitately a large log of +wood, I ſat down in an agony, till I felt +thoſe ſaid twitches again.</p> + +<p>Are you very buſy?</p> + +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> + +<p>So you may reckon on its being finiſhed +ſoon, though not before you come +home, unleſs you are detained longer +than I now allow myſelf to believe you +will.—</p> + +<p>Be that as it may, write to me, my +beſt love, and bid me be patient—kindly—and +the expreſſions of kindneſs +will again beguile the time, as ſweetly +as they have done to-night.—Tell me +alſo over and over again, that your +happineſs (and you deſerve to be<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-13_S" id="CPg_3-13_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-13.png">13</a>]</span> +happy!) is cloſely connected with +mine, and I will try to diſſipate, as they +riſe, the fumes of former diſcontent, +that have too often clouded the ſunſhine, +which you have endeavoured to diffuſe +through my mind. God bleſs you! +Take care of yourſelf, and remember +with tenderneſs your affectionate</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<p>I am going to reſt very happy, and +you have made me ſo.—This is the +kindeſt good-night I can utter.</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-14_S" id="CPg_3-14_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-14.png">14</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER VI</h4> + +<p class="right">Friday Morning.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I am</span> glad to find that other people +can be unreaſonable, as well as myſelf—for +be it known to thee, that I anſwered +thy <i>firſt</i> letter, the very night it +reached me (Sunday), though thou +couldſt not receive it before Wedneſday, +becauſe it was not ſent off till the +next day.—There is a full, true, and +particular account.—</p> + +<p>Yet I am not angry with thee, my +love, for I think that it is a proof of +ſtupidity, and likewiſe of a milk-and-water +affection, which comes to the +ſame thing, when the temper is governed +by a ſquare and compaſs.—There is +nothing pictureſque in this ſtraight-<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-15_S" id="CPg_3-15_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-15.png">15</a>]</span>lined +equality, and the paſſions always +give grace to the actions.</p> + +<p>Recollection now makes my heart +bound to thee; but, it is not to thy +money-getting face, though I cannot +be ſeriouſly diſpleaſed with the exertion +which increaſes my eſteem, or +rather is what I ſhould have expected +from thy character.—No; I have thy +honeſt countenance before me—Pop—relaxed +by tenderneſs; a little—little +wounded by my whims; and thy eyes +gliſtening with ſympathy.—Thy lips +then feel ſofter than ſoft—and I reſt my +cheek on thine, forgetting all the +world.—I have not left the hue of love +out of the picture—the roſy glow; and +fancy has ſpread it over my own cheeks, +I believe, for I feel them burning, +whilſt a delicious tear trembles in my +eye, that would be all your own, if a<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-16_S" id="CPg_3-16_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-16.png">16</a>]</span> +grateful emotion directed to the Father +of nature, who has made me thus +alive to happineſs, did not give more +warmth to the ſentiment it divides—I +muſt pauſe a moment.</p> + +<p>Need I tell you that I am tranquil +after writing thus?—I do not know +why, but I have more confidence in +your affection, when abſent, than preſent; +nay, I think that you muſt love +me, for, in the ſincerity of my heart +let me ſay it, I believe I deſerve your +tenderneſs, becauſe I am true, and +have a degree of ſenſibility that you +can ſee and reliſh.</p> + +<p class="right">Yours ſincerely                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-17_S" id="CPg_3-17_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-17.png">17</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER VII</h4> + +<p class="right">Sunday Morning [December 29.]</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">You</span> ſeem to have taken up your +abode at H——. Pray ſir! when do +you think of coming home? or, to +write very conſiderately, when will +buſineſs permit you? I ſhall expect +(as the country people ſay in England) +that you will make a <i>power</i> of money to +indemnify me for your abſence.</p> + +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-18_S" id="CPg_3-18_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-18.png">18</a>]</span></p> +<p>Well! but, my love, to the old ſtory—am +I to ſee you this week, or this +month?—I do not know what you are +about—for, as you did not tell me, I +would not aſk Mr. ——, who is generally +pretty communicative.</p> + +<p>I long to ſee Mrs. ———; not to +hear from you, ſo do not give yourſelf +airs, but to get a letter from Mr. ——. +And I am half angry with you for not +informing me whether ſhe had brought +one with her or not.—On this ſcore I +will cork up ſome of the kind things +that were ready to drop from my pen, +which has never been dipt in gall when +addreſſing you; or, will only ſuffer an +exclamation—"The creature!" or a +kind look, to eſcape me, when I paſs +the ſlippers—which I could not remove +from my <i>ſalle</i> door, though they are +not the handſomeſt of their kind.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-19_S" id="CPg_3-19_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-19.png">19</a>]</span> +Be not too anxious to get money!—for +nothing worth having is to be purchaſed. +God bleſs you.</p> + +<p class="right">Yours affectionately                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER VIII</h4> + +<p class="right">Monday Night [December 30.]</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">My</span> beſt love, your letter to-night +was particularly grateful to my heart, +depreſſed by the letters I received by +——, for he brought me ſeveral, and +the parcel of books directed to Mr. +——— was for me. Mr. ———'s +letter was long and very affectionate; +but the account he gives me of his own<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-20_S" id="CPg_3-20_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-20.png">20</a>]</span> +affairs, though he obviouſly makes the +beſt of them, has vexed me.</p> + +<p>A melancholy letter from my ſiſter +——— has alſo harraſſed my mind—that +from my brother would have given +me ſincere pleaſure; but for    —    —</p> + +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> + + +<p>There is a ſpirit of independence in +his letter, that will pleaſe you; and you +ſhall ſee it, when we are once more over +the fire together.—I think that you +would hail him as a brother, with one<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-21_S" id="CPg_3-21_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-21.png">21</a>]</span> +of your tender looks, when your heart +not only gives a luſtre to your eye, but +a dance of playfulneſs, that he would +meet with a glow half made up of baſhfulneſs, +and a deſire to pleaſe the——where +ſhall I find a word to expreſs +the relationſhip which ſubſiſts between +us?—Shall I aſk the little twitcher?—But +I have dropt half the ſentence +that was to tell you how much he +would be inclined to love the man loved +by his ſiſter. I have been fancying myſelf +ſitting between you, ever ſince I +began to write, and my heart has leaped +at the thought!—You ſee how I chat +to you.</p> + +<p>I did not receive your letter till I +came home; and I did not expect it, +for the poſt came in much later than +uſual. It was a cordial to me—and I +wanted one.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-22_S" id="CPg_3-22_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-22.png">22</a>]</span> +Mr. —— tells me that he has written +again and again.—Love him a little!—It +would be a kind of ſeparation, if you +did not love thoſe I love.</p> + +<p>There was ſo much conſiderate tenderneſs +in your epiſtle to-night, that, if +it has not made you dearer to me, it has +made me forcibly feel how very dear +you are to me, by charming away half +my cares.</p> + +<p class="right">Yours affectionately                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER IX</h4> + +<p class="right">Tueſday Morning [December 31.]</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Though</span> I have juſt ſent a letter off, +yet, as captain —— offers to take one, +I am not willing to let him go without +a kind greeting, becauſe trifles of this<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-23_S" id="CPg_3-23_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-23.png">23</a>]</span> +ſort, without having any effect on my +mind, damp my ſpirits:—and you, with +all your ſtruggles to be manly, have +ſome of this ſame ſenſibility.—Do not +bid it begone, for I love to ſee it +ſtriving to maſter your features; beſides, +theſe kind of ſympathies are the life of +affection: and why, in cultivating our +underſtandings, ſhould we try to dry up +theſe ſprings of pleaſure, which guſh +out to give a freſhneſs to days browned +by care!</p> + +<p>The books ſent to me are ſuch as +we may read together; ſo I ſhall not +look into them till you return; when +you ſhall read, whilſt I mend my ſtockings.</p> + +<p class="right">Yours truly                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-24_S" id="CPg_3-24_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-24.png">24</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER X</h4> + +<p class="right">Wedneſday Night [January 1.]</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">As</span> I have been, you tell me, three +days without writing, I ought not to +complain of two: yet, as I expected to +receive a letter this afternoon, I am +hurt; and why ſhould I, by concealing +it, affect the heroiſm I do not feel?</p> + +<p>I hate commerce. How differently +muſt ———'s head and heart be organized +from mine! You will tell me, +that exertions are neceſſary: I am +weary of them! The face of things, +public and private, vexes me. The +"peace" and clemency which ſeemed +to be dawning a few days ago, diſappear +again. "I am fallen," as Milton ſaid, +"on evil days;" for I really believe<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-25_S" id="CPg_3-25_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-25.png">25</a>]</span> +that Europe will be in a ſtate of convulſion, +during half a century at leaſt. +Life is but a labour of patience: it is +always rolling a great ſtone up a hill; +for, before a perſon can find a reſting-place, +imagining it is lodged, down it +comes again, and all the work is to be +done over anew!</p> + +<p>Should I attempt to write any more, +I could not change the ſtrain. My head +aches, and my heart is heavy. The +world appears an "unweeded garden," +where "things rank and vile" flouriſh +beſt.</p> + +<p>If you do not return ſoon—or, which +is no ſuch mighty matter, talk of it—I +will throw your ſlippers out at +window, and be off—nobody knows +where.</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-26_S" id="CPg_3-26_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-26.png">26</a>]</span></p> +<p>Finding that I was obſerved, I told +the good women, the two Mrs. ——s, +ſimply that I was with child: and let +them ſtare! and ———, and ———, +nay, all the world, may know it for +aught I care!—Yet I wiſh to avoid +———'s coarſe jokes.</p> + +<p>Conſidering the care and anxiety a +woman muſt have about a child before +it comes into the world, it ſeems to +me, by a <i>natural right</i>, to belong to +her. When men get immerſed in the +world, they ſeem to loſe all ſenſations, +excepting thoſe neceſſary to continue or +produce life!—Are theſe the privileges +of reaſon? Amongſt the feathered race, +whilſt the hen keeps the young warm, +her mate ſtays by to cheer her; but it +is ſufficient for man to condeſcend to +get a child, in order to claim it.—A +man is a tyrant!</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-27_S" id="CPg_3-27_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-27.png">27</a>]</span> +You may now tell me, that, if it were +not for me, you would be laughing +away with ſome honeſt fellows in L—n. +The caſual exerciſe of ſocial ſympathy +would not be ſufficient for me—I ſhould +not think ſuch an heartleſs life worth +preſerving.—It is neceſſary to be in +good-humour with you, to be pleaſed +with the world.</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p class="right">Thurſday Morning.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I was</span> very low-ſpirited laſt night, +ready to quarrel with your cheerful +temper, which makes abſence eaſy to +you.—And, why ſhould I mince the +the matter? I was offended at your not +even mentioning it.—I do not want to +be loved like a goddeſs; but I wiſh to +be neceſſary to you. God bleſs you<a name="FNanchor_27-A_14_S" id="CFNanchor_27-A_14_S"></a><a href="#CFootnote_27-A_14_S" class="fnanchor">[27-A]</a>!</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-28_S" id="CPg_3-28_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-28.png">28</a>]</span></p> + +<h4>LETTER XI</h4> + +<p class="right">Monday Night.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I have</span> juſt received your kind and +rational letter, and would fain hide my +face, glowing with ſhame for my folly.—I +would hide it in your boſom, if you +would again open it to me, and neſtle +cloſely till you bade my fluttering +heart be ſtill, by ſaying that you forgave +me. With eyes overflowing with +tears, and in the humbleſt attitude, I +intreat you.—Do not turn from me, for +indeed I love you fondly, and have been +very wretched, ſince the night I was ſo +cruelly hurt by thinking that you had +no confidence in me——</p> + +<p>It is time for me to grow more reaſonable, +a few more of theſe caprices +of ſenſibility would deſtroy me. I have,<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-29_S" id="CPg_3-29_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-29.png">29</a>]</span> +in fact, been very much indiſpoſed for +a few days paſt, and the notion that I +was tormenting, or perhaps killing, a +poor little animal, about whom I am +grown anxious and tender, now I feel +it alive, made me worſe. My bowels +have been dreadfully diſordered, and +every thing I ate or drank diſagreed +with my ſtomach; ſtill I feel intimations +of its exiſtence, though they have been +fainter.</p> + +<p>Do you think that the creature goes +regularly to ſleep? I am ready to aſk as +many queſtions as Voltaire's Man of +Forty Crowns. Ah! do not continue to +be angry with me! You perceive that I +am already ſmiling through my tears—You +have lightened my heart, and my +frozen ſpirits are melting into playfulneſs.</p> + +<p>Write the moment you receive this.<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-30_S" id="CPg_3-30_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-30.png">30</a>]</span> +I ſhall count the minutes. But drop +not an angry word—I cannot now bear +it. Yet, if you think I deſerve a ſcolding +(it does not admit of a queſtion, I +grant), wait till you come back—and +then, if you are angry one day, I ſhall +be ſure of ſeeing you the next.</p> + +<p>——— did not write to you, I ſuppoſe, +becauſe he talked of going to +H——. Hearing that I was ill, he called +very kindly on me, not dreaming that +it was ſome words that he incautiouſly +let fall, which rendered me ſo.</p> + +<p>God bleſs you, my love; do not ſhut +your heart againſt a return of tenderneſs; +and, as I now in fancy cling to +you, be more than ever my ſupport.—Feel +but as affectionate when you read +this letter, as I did writing it, and you +will make happy, your</p> +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-31_S" id="CPg_3-31_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-31.png">31</a>]</span></p> + +<h4>LETTER XII</h4> + +<p class="right">Wedneſday Morning.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I will</span> never, if I am not entirely +cured of quarrelling, begin to encourage +"quick-coming fancies," when +we are ſeparated. Yeſterday, my love, +I could not open your letter for ſome +time; and, though it was not half as +ſevere as I merited, it threw me into +ſuch a fit of trembling, as ſeriouſly +alarmed me. I did not, as you may +ſuppoſe, care for a little pain on my +own account; but all the fears which +I have had for a few days paſt, returned +with freſh force. This morning I am +better; will you not be glad to hear it? +You perceive that ſorrow has almoſt +made a child of me, and that I want to +be ſoothed to peace.</p> + +<p>One thing you miſtake in my cha<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-32_S" id="CPg_3-32_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-32.png">32</a>]</span>racter, +and imagine that to be coldneſs +which is juſt the contrary. For, when +I am hurt by the perſon moſt dear to +me, I muſt let out a whole torrent of +emotions, in which tenderneſs would +be uppermoſt, or ſtifle them altogether; +and it appears to me almoſt a duty to +ſtifle them, when I imagine <i>that I am +treated with coldneſs</i>.</p> + +<p>I am afraid that I have vexed you, +my own ——. I know the quickneſs +of your feelings—and let me, in the +ſincerity of my heart, aſſure you, there +is nothing I would not ſuffer to make +you happy. My own happineſs wholly +depends on you—and, knowing you, +when my reaſon is not clouded, I look +forward to a rational proſpect of as much +felicity as the earth affords—with a little +daſh of rapture into the bargain, if +you will look at me, when we meet<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-33_S" id="CPg_3-33_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-33.png">33</a>]</span> +again, as you have ſometimes greeted, +your humbled, yet moſt affectionate</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER XIII</h4> + +<p class="right">Thurſday Night.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I have</span> been wiſhing the time away, +my kind love, unable to reſt till I knew +that my penitential letter had reached +your hand—and this afternoon, when +your tender epiſtle of Tueſday gave +ſuch exquiſite pleaſure to your poor +ſick girl, her heart ſmote her to think +that you were ſtill to receive another +cold one.—Burn it alſo, my ——; yet +do not forget that even thoſe letters +were full of love; and I ſhall ever recollect, +that you did not wait to be +mollified by my penitence, before you +took me again to your heart.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-34_S" id="CPg_3-34_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-34.png">34</a>]</span> +I have been unwell, and would not, +now I am recovering, take a journey, +becauſe I have been ſeriouſly alarmed +and angry with myſelf, dreading continually +the fatal conſequence of my +folly.—But, ſhould you think it right +to remain at H—, I ſhall find ſome opportunity, +in the courſe of a fortnight, +or leſs perhaps, to come to you, and +before then I ſhall be ſtrong again.—Yet +do not be uneaſy! I am really better, +and never took ſuch care of myſelf, as +I have done ſince you reſtored my peace +of mind. The girl is come to warm +my bed—ſo I will tenderly ſay, good +night! and write a line or two in the +morning.</p> + +<p class="right">Morning.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I wiſh</span> you were here to walk +with me this fine morning! yet your +abſence ſhall not prevent me. I have +ſtayed at home too much; though,<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-35_S" id="CPg_3-35_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-35.png">35</a>]</span> +when I was ſo dreadfully out of ſpirits, +I was careleſs of every thing.</p> + +<p>I will now ſally forth (you will go +with me in my heart) and try whether +this fine bracing <ins class="err" title="Transcriber's Note: original reads 'a r'">air</ins> will not give the +vigour to the poor babe, it had, before +I ſo inconſiderately gave way to the +grief that deranged my bowels, and +gave a turn to my whole ſyſtem.</p> + +<p class="right">Yours truly                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *    * * * * *</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-36_S" id="CPg_3-36_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-36.png">36</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER XIV</h4> + +<p class="right">Saturday Morning.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">The</span> two or three letters, which I +have written to you lately, my love, will +ſerve as an anſwer to your explanatory +one. I cannot but reſpect your motives +and conduct. I always reſpected +them; and was only hurt, by what +ſeemed to me a want of confidence, and +conſequently affection.—I thought alſo, +that if you were obliged to ſtay three +months at H—, I might as well have +been with you.—Well! well, what ſignifies +what I brooded over—Let us now +be friends!</p> + +<p>I ſhall probably receive a letter from +you to-day, ſealing my pardon—and I +will be careful not to torment you with<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-37_S" id="CPg_3-37_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-37.png">37</a>]</span> +my querulous humours, at leaſt, till I +ſee you again. Act as circumſtances +direct, and I will not enquire when +they will permit you to return, convinced +that you will haſten to your +* * * *, when you have attained (or +loſt ſight of) the object of your journey.</p> + +<p>What a picture have you ſketched of +our fire-ſide! Yes, my love, my fancy +was inſtantly at work, and I found my +head on your ſhoulder, whilſt my eyes +were fixed on the little creatures that +were clinging about your knees. I did +not abſolutely determine that there +ſhould be ſix—if you have not ſet your +heart on this round number.</p> + +<p>I am going to dine with Mrs. ——. +I have not been to viſit her ſince the +firſt day ſhe came to Paris. I wiſh +indeed to be out in the air as much as +I can; for the exerciſe I have taken<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-38_S" id="CPg_3-38_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-38.png">38</a>]</span> +theſe two or three days paſt, has been +of ſuch ſervice to me, that I hope +ſhortly to tell you, that I am quite well. +I have ſcarcely ſlept before laſt night, +and then not much.—The two Mrs. +———s have been very anxious and +tender.</p> + +<p class="right">Yours truly                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<p>I need not deſire you to give the +colonel a good bottle of wine.</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER XV</h4> + +<p class="right">Sunday Morning.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I wrote</span> to you yeſterday, my ——; +but, finding that the colonel is ſtill detained +(for his paſſport was forgotten at +the office yeſterday) I am not willing to<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-39_S" id="CPg_3-39_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-39.png">39</a>]</span> +let ſo many days elapſe without your +hearing from me, after having talked +of illneſs and apprehenſions.</p> + +<p>I cannot boaſt of being quite recovered, +yet I am (I muſt uſe my Yorkſhire +phraſe; for, when my heart is +warm, pop come the expreſſions of +childhood into my head) ſo <i>lightſome</i>, +that I think it will not <i>go badly with +me</i>.—And nothing ſhall be wanting on +my part, I aſſure you; for I am urged +on, not only by an enlivened affection +for you, but by a new-born tenderneſs +that plays cheerly round my dilating +heart.</p> + +<p>I was therefore, in defiance of cold +and dirt, out in the air the greater part +of yeſterday; and, if I get over this +evening without a return of the fever +that has tormented me, I ſhall talk no +more of illneſs. I have promiſed the<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-40_S" id="CPg_3-40_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-40.png">40</a>]</span> +little creature, that its mother, who +ought to cheriſh it, will not again +plague it, and begged it to pardon me; +and, ſince I could not hug either it or +you to my breaſt, I have to my heart.—I +am afraid to read over this prattle—but +it is only for your eye.</p> + +<p>I have been ſeriouſly vexed, to find +that, whilſt you were harraſſed by impediments +in your undertakings, I was +giving you additional uneaſineſs.—If +you can make any of your plans anſwer—it +is well, I do not think a <i>little</i> money +inconvenient; but, ſhould they fail, we +will ſtruggle cheerfully together—drawn +cloſer by the pinching blaſts of +poverty.</p> + +<p>Adieu, my love! Write often to +your poor girl, and write long letters; +for I not only like them for being longer, +but becauſe more heart ſteals into them;<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-41_S" id="CPg_3-41_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-41.png">41</a>]</span> +and I am happy to catch your heart +whenever I can.</p> + +<p class="right">Yours ſincerely                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER XVI</h4> + +<p class="right">Tueſday Morning.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I ſeize</span> this opportunity to inform +you, that I am to ſet out on Thurſday +with Mr. ———, and hope to tell you +ſoon (on your lips) how glad I ſhall be +to ſee you. I have juſt got my paſſport, +ſo I do not foreſee any impediment to +my reaching H——, to bid you good-night +next Friday in my new apartment—where +I am to meet you and love, in +ſpite of care, to ſmile me to ſleep—for +I have not caught much reſt ſince +we parted.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-42_S" id="CPg_3-42_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-42.png">42</a>]</span> +You have, by your tenderneſs and +worth, twiſted yourſelf more artfully +round my heart, than I ſuppoſed poſſible.—Let +me indulge the thought, +that I have thrown out ſome tendrils to +cling to the elm by which I wiſh to be +ſupported.—This is talking a new language +for me!—But, knowing that I +am not a paraſite-plant, I am willing to +receive the proofs of affection, that +every pulſe replies to, when I think of +being once more in the ſame houſe +with you.—God bleſs you!</p> + +<p class="right">Yours truly                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-43_S" id="CPg_3-43_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-43.png">43</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER XVII</h4> + +<p class="right">Wedneſday Morning.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I only</span> ſend this as an <i>avant-coureur</i>, +without jack-boots, to tell you, that I am +again on the wing, and hope to be with +you a few hours after you receive it. I +ſhall find you well, and compoſed, I +am ſure; or, more properly ſpeaking, +cheerful.—What is the reaſon that my +ſpirits are not as manageable as yours? +Yet, now I think of it, I will not allow +that your temper is even, though +I have promiſed myſelf, in order to +obtain my own forgiveneſs, that I will +not ruffle it for a long, long time—I am +afraid to ſay never.</p> + +<p>Farewell for a moment!—Do not<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-44_S" id="CPg_3-44_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-44.png">44</a>]</span> +forget that I am driving towards you +in perſon! My mind, unfettered, has +flown to you long ſince, or rather has +never left you.</p> + +<p>I am well, and have no apprehenſion +that I ſhall find the journey too fatiguing, +when I follow the lead of my +heart.—With my face turned to H— +my ſpirits will not ſink—and my mind +has always hitherto enabled my body +to do whatever I wiſhed.</p> + +<p class="right">Yours affectionately                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-45_S" id="CPg_3-45_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-45.png">45</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER XVIII</h4> + +<p class="right">H—, Thurſday Morning, March 12.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">We</span> are ſuch creatures of habit, my +love, that, though I cannot ſay I was +ſorry, childiſhly ſo, for your going, +when I knew that you were to ſtay ſuch +a ſhort time, and I had a plan of employment; +yet I could not ſleep.—I +turned to your ſide of the bed, and +tried to make the moſt of the comfort +of the pillow, which you uſed to tell +me I was churliſh about; but all would +not do.—I took nevertheleſs my walk +before breakfaſt, though the weather +was not very inviting—and here I am, +wiſhing you a finer day, and ſeeing you +peep over my ſhoulder, as I write, with +one of your kindeſt looks—when your<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-46_S" id="CPg_3-46_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-46.png">46</a>]</span> +eyes gliſten, and a ſuffuſion creeps over +your relaxing features.</p> + +<p>But I do not mean to dally with you +this morning—So God bleſs you! Take +care of yourſelf—and ſometimes fold to +your heart your affectionate</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER XIX</h4> + +<p><span class="smcap">DO</span> not call me ſtupid, for leaving +on the table the little bit of paper I was +to incloſe.—This comes of being in +love at the fag-end of a letter of buſineſs.—You +know, you ſay, they will +not chime together.—I had got you by +the fire-ſide, with the <i>gigot</i> ſmoking on +the board, to lard your poor bare ribs—and +behold, I cloſed my letter with<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-47_S" id="CPg_3-47_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-47.png">47</a>]</span>out +taking the paper up, that was directly +under my eyes!—What had I got +in them to render me ſo blind?—I give +you leave to anſwer the queſtion, if you +will not ſcold; for I am</p> + +<p class="right">Yours moſt affectionately                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER XX</h4> + +<p class="right">Sunday, Auguſt 17.</p> + +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> + + +<p>I have promiſed ——— to go with +him to his country-houſe, where he is +now permitted to dine—I, and the little +darling, to be ſure<a name="FNanchor_47-A_15_S" id="CFNanchor_47-A_15_S"></a><a href="#CFootnote_47-A_15_S" class="fnanchor">[47-A]</a>—whom I cannot<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-48_S" id="CPg_3-48_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-48.png">48</a>]</span> +help kiſſing with more fondneſs, ſince +you left us. I think I ſhall enjoy the +fine proſpect, and that it will rather +enliven, than ſatiate my imagination.</p> + +<p>I have called on Mrs. ———. She +has the manners of a gentlewoman, +with a daſh of the eaſy French coquetry, +which renders her <i>piquante</i>.—But <i>Monſieur</i> +her huſband, whom nature never +dreamed of caſting in either the mould +of a gentleman or lover, makes but an +aukward figure in the foreground of +the picture.</p> + +<p>The H——s are very ugly, without +doubt—and the houſe ſmelt of commerce +from top to toe—ſo that his +abortive attempt to diſplay taſte, only +proved it to be one of the things not to +be bought with gold. I was in a room +a moment alone, and my attention was +attracted by the <i>pendule</i>—A nymph was<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-49_S" id="CPg_3-49_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-49.png">49</a>]</span> +offering up her vows before a ſmoking +altar, to a fat-bottomed Cupid (ſaving +your preſence), who was kicking his +heels in the air.—Ah! kick on, thought +I; for the demon of traffic will ever +fright away the loves and graces, that +ſtreak with the roſy beams of infant +fancy the <i>ſombre</i> day of life—whilſt the +imagination, not allowing us to ſee +things as they are, enables us to catch +a haſty draught of the running ſtream +of delight, the thirſt for which ſeems to +be given only to tantalize us.</p> + +<p>But I am philoſophizing; nay, perhaps +you will call me ſevere, and bid +me let the ſquare-headed money-getters +alone.—Peace to them! though none +of the ſocial ſprites (and there are not a +few of different deſcriptions, who ſport +about the various inlets to my heart) +gave me a twitch to reſtrain my pen.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-50_S" id="CPg_3-50_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-50.png">50</a>]</span> +I have been writing on, expecting +poor ——— to come; for, when I +began, I merely thought of buſineſs; +and, as this is the idea that moſt naturally +aſſociates with your image, I wonder +I ſtumbled on any other.</p> + +<p>Yet, as common life, in my opinion, +is ſcarcely worth having, even with a +<i>gigot</i> every day, and a pudding added +thereunto, I will allow you to cultivate +my judgment, if you will permit me to +keep alive the ſentiments in your heart, +which may be termed romantic, becauſe, +the offſpring of the ſenſes and +the imagination, they reſemble the +mother more than the father<a name="FNanchor_50-A_16_S" id="CFNanchor_50-A_16_S"></a><a href="#CFootnote_50-A_16_S" class="fnanchor">[50-A]</a>, when +they produce the ſuffuſion I admire.—In +ſpite of icy age, I hope ſtill to ſee it,<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-51_S" id="CPg_3-51_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-51.png">51</a>]</span> +if you have not determined only to +eat and drink, and be ſtupidly uſeful +to the ſtupid—</p> + +<p class="right">Yours                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER XXI</h4> + +<p class="right">H—, Auguſt 19, Tueſday.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I received</span> both your letters to-day—I +had reckoned on hearing from you +yeſterday, therefore was diſappointed, +though I imputed your ſilence to the +right cauſe. I intended anſwering +your kind letter immediately, that you +might have felt the pleaſure it gave +me; but ——— came in, and ſome<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-52_S" id="CPg_3-52_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-52.png">52</a>]</span> +other things interrupted me; ſo that +the fine vapour has evaporated—yet, +leaving a ſweet ſcent behind, I have +only to tell you, what is ſufficiently +obvious, that the earneſt deſire I have +ſhown to keep my place, or gain more +ground in your heart, is a ſure proof +how neceſſary your affection is to my +happineſs.—Still I do not think it falſe +delicacy, or fooliſh pride, to wiſh that +your attention to my happineſs ſhould +ariſe <i>as much</i> from love, which is always +rather a ſelfiſh paſſion, as reaſon—that +is, I want you to promote my +felicity, by ſeeking your own.—For, +whatever pleaſure it may give me to +diſcover your generoſity of ſoul, I +would not be dependent for your affection +on the very quality I moſt admire. +No; there are qualities in your +heart, which demand my affection;<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-53_S" id="CPg_3-53_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-53.png">53</a>]</span> +but, unleſs the attachment appears to +me clearly mutual, I ſhall labour only +to eſteem your character, inſtead of +cheriſhing a tenderneſs for your perſon.</p> + +<p>I write in a hurry, becauſe the little +one, who has been ſleeping a long time, +begins to call for me. Poor thing! +when I am ſad, I lament that all my +affections grow on me, till they become +too ſtrong for my peace, though they +all afford me ſnatches of exquiſite enjoyment—This +for our little girl was at +firſt very reaſonable—more the effect +of reaſon, a ſenſe of duty, than feeling—now, +ſhe has got into my heart +and imagination, and when I walk out +without her, her little figure is ever +dancing before me.</p> + +<p>You too have ſomehow clung round +my heart—I found I could not eat my<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-54_S" id="CPg_3-54_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-54.png">54</a>]</span> +dinner in the great room—and, when +I took up the large knife to carve for +myſelf, tears ruſhed into my eyes.—Do +not however ſuppoſe that I am melancholy—for, +when you are from me, +I not only wonder how I can find fault +with you—but how I can doubt your +affection.</p> + +<p>I will not mix any comments on the +incloſed (it rouſed my indignation) +with the effuſion of tenderneſs, with +which I aſſure you, that you are the +friend of my boſom, and the prop of my +heart.</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-55_S" id="CPg_3-55_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-55.png">55</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER XXII</h4> + +<p class="right">H—, Auguſt 20.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I want</span> to know what ſteps you +have taken reſpecting ——. Knavery +always rouſes my indignation—I ſhould +be gratified to hear that the law had +chaſtiſed ——— ſeverely; but I do not +wiſh you to ſee him, becauſe the buſineſs +does not now admit of peaceful +diſcuſſion, and I do not exactly know +how you would expreſs your contempt.</p> + +<p>Pray aſk ſome queſtions about Tallien—I +am ſtill pleaſed with the dignity +of his conduct.—The other day, in the +cauſe of humanity, he made uſe of a +degree of addreſs, which I admire<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-56_S" id="CPg_3-56_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-56.png">56</a>]</span>—and +mean to point out to you, as one +of the few inſtances of addreſs which +do credit to the abilities of the man, +without taking away from that confidence +in his openneſs of heart, which +is the true baſis of both public and +private friendſhip.</p> + +<p>Do not ſuppoſe that I mean to allude +to a little reſerve of temper in you, +of which I have ſometimes complained! +You have been uſed to a +cunning woman, and you almoſt look +for cunning—Nay, in <i>managing</i> my +happineſs, you now and then wounded +my ſenſibility, concealing yourſelf, till +honeſt ſympathy, giving you to me +without diſguiſe, lets me look into a +heart, which my half-broken one wiſhes +to creep into, to be revived and +cheriſhed.——You have frankneſs of +heart, but not often exactly that over<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-57_S" id="CPg_3-57_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-57.png">57</a>]</span>flowing +(<i>épanchement de cœur</i>), which +becoming almoſt childiſh, appears a +weakneſs only to the weak.</p> + +<p>But I have left poor Tallien. I +wanted you to enquire likewiſe whether, +as a member declared in the convention, +Robeſpierre really maintained +a <i>number</i> of miſtreſſes.—Should it prove +ſo, I ſuſpect that they rather flattered +his vanity than his ſenſes.</p> + +<p>Here is a chatting, deſultory epiſtle! +But do not ſuppoſe that I mean to +cloſe it without mentioning the little +damſel—who has been almoſt ſpringing +out of my arm—ſhe certainly looks +very like you—but I do not love her +the leſs for that, whether I am angry +or pleaſed with you.—</p> + +<p class="right">Yours affectionately                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-58_S" id="CPg_3-58_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-58.png">58</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER XXIII<a name="FNanchor_58-A_17_S" id="CFNanchor_58-A_17_S"></a><a href="#CFootnote_58-A_17_S" class="fnanchor">[58-A]</a>.</h4> + +<p class="right">September 22.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I have</span> juſt written two letters, that +are going by other conveyances, and +which I reckon on your receiving long +before this. I therefore merely write, +becauſe I know I ſhould be diſappointed +at ſeeing any one who had left you, +if you did not ſend a letter, were it ever +ſo ſhort, to tell me why you did not +write a longer—and you will want to +be told, over and over again, that our +little Hercules is quite recovered.</p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-59_S" id="CPg_3-59_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-59.png">59</a>]</span></p> +<p>Beſides looking at me, there are +three other things, which delight her—to +ride in a coach, to look at a ſcarlet +waiſtcoat, and hear loud muſic—yeſterday, +at the <i>fête</i>, ſhe enjoyed the two +latter; but, to honour J. J. Rouſſeau, +I intend to give her a ſaſh, the firſt ſhe +has ever had round her—and why not?—for +I have always been half in love +with him.</p> + +<p>Well, this you will ſay is trifling—ſhall +I talk about alum or ſoap? There +is nothing pictureſque in your preſent +purſuits; my imagination then rather +chuſes to ramble back to the barrier +with you, or to ſee you coming to +meet me, and my baſket of grapes.—With +what pleaſure do I recollect your +looks and words, when I have been +ſitting on the window, regarding the +waving corn!</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-60_S" id="CPg_3-60_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-60.png">60</a>]</span> +Believe me, ſage ſir, you have not +ſufficient reſpect for the imagination—I +could prove to you in a trice that it is +the mother of ſentiment, the great +diſtinction of our nature, the only purifier +of the paſſions—animals have a +portion of reaſon, and equal, if not +more exquiſite, ſenſes; but no trace of +imagination, or her offſpring taſte, appears +in any of their actions. The impulſe +of the ſenſes, paſſions, if you will, +and the concluſions of reaſon, draw +men together; but the imagination is +the true fire, ſtolen from heaven, to +animate this cold creature of clay, producing +all thoſe fine ſympathies that +lead to rapture, rendering men ſocial +by expanding their hearts, inſtead of +leaving them leiſure to calculate how +many comforts ſociety affords.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-61_S" id="CPg_3-61_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-61.png">61</a>]</span> +If you call theſe obſervations romantic, +a phraſe in this place which would +be tantamount to nonſenſical, I ſhall +be apt to retort, that you are embruted +by trade, and the vulgar enjoyments of +life—Bring me then back your barrier-face, +or you ſhall have nothing to ſay +to my barrier-girl; and I ſhall fly from +you, to cheriſh the remembrances that +will ever be dear to me; for I am +yours truly</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-62_S" id="CPg_3-62_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-62.png">62</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER XXIV</h4> + +<p class="right">Evening, Sept. 23.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I have</span> been playing and laughing +with the little girl ſo long, that I cannot +take up my pen to addreſs you +without emotion. Preſſing her to my +boſom, ſhe looked ſo like you (<i>entre +nous</i>, your beſt looks, for I do not admire +your commercial face) every nerve +ſeemed to vibrate to the touch, and I +began to think that there was ſomething +in the aſſertion of man and wife +being one—for you ſeemed to pervade +my whole frame, quickening the beat +of my heart, and lending me the ſympathetic +tears you excited.</p> + +<p>Have I any thing more to ſay to you? +No; not for the preſent—the reſt is all<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-63_S" id="CPg_3-63_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-63.png">63</a>]</span> +flown away; and, indulging tenderneſs +for you, I cannot now complain of +ſome people here, who have ruffled my +temper for two or three days paſt.</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p class="right">Morning.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Yeſterday</span> B—— ſent to me for +my packet of letters. He called on me +before; and I like him better than I +did—that is, I have the ſame opinion +of his underſtanding, but I think with +you, he has more tenderneſs and real +delicacy of feeling with reſpect to women, +than are commonly to be met with. +His manner too of ſpeaking of his little +girl, about the age of mine, intereſted +me. I gave him a letter for my ſiſter, +and requeſted him to ſee her.</p> + +<p>I have been interrupted. Mr. —— +I ſuppoſe will write about buſineſs.<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-64_S" id="CPg_3-64_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-64.png">64</a>]</span> +Public affairs I do not deſcant on, except +to tell you that they write now +with great freedom and truth, and this +liberty of the preſs will overthrow the +Jacobins, I plainly perceive.</p> + +<p>I hope you take care of your health. +I have got a habit of reſtleſſneſs at +night, which ariſes, I believe, from +activity of mind; for, when I am alone, +that is, not near one to whom I can +open my heart, I ſink into reveries and +trains of thinking, which agitate and +fatigue me.</p> + +<p>This is my third letter; when am I +to hear from you? I need not tell you, +I ſuppoſe, that I am now writing with +ſomebody in the room with me, and +—— is waiting to carry this to Mr. +——'s. I will then kiſs the girl for +you, and bid you adieu.</p> + +<p>I deſired you, in one of my other<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-65_S" id="CPg_3-65_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-65.png">65</a>]</span> +letters, to bring back to me your barrier-face—or +that you ſhould not be +loved by my barrier-girl. I know that +you will love her more and more, for +ſhe is a little affectionate, intelligent +creature, with as much vivacity, I +ſhould think, as you could wiſh for.</p> + +<p>I was going to tell you of two or +three things which diſpleaſe me here; +but they are not of ſufficient conſequence +to interrupt pleaſing ſenſations. +I have received a letter from +Mr. ——. I want you to bring —— +with you. Madame S—— is by me, +reading a German tranſlation of your +letters—ſhe deſires me to give her love +to you, on account of what you ſay of +the negroes.</p> + +<p class="right">Yours moſt affectionately,        </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-66_S" id="CPg_3-66_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-66.png">66</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER XXV</h4> + +<p class="right">Paris, Sept. 28.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I have</span> written to you three or four +letters; but different cauſes have prevented +my ſending them by the perſons +who promiſed to take or forward them. +The incloſed is one I wrote to go by +B——; yet, finding that he will not +arrive, before I hope, and believe, you +will have ſet out on your return, I +incloſe it to you, and ſhall give it in +charge to ——, as Mr. —— is detained, +to whom I alſo gave a letter.</p> + +<p>I cannot help being anxious to hear +from you; but I ſhall not harraſs you +with accounts of inquietudes, or of +cares that ariſe from peculiar circumſtances.—I +have had ſo many little<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-67_S" id="CPg_3-67_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-67.png">67</a>]</span> +plagues here, that I have almoſt lamented +that I left H——. ——, who +is at beſt a moſt helpleſs creature, is +now, on account of her pregnancy, +more trouble than uſe to me, ſo that I +ſtill continue to be almoſt a ſlave to the +child.—She indeed rewards me, for +ſhe is a ſweet little creature; for, ſetting +aſide a mother's fondneſs (which, +by the bye, is growing on me, her little +intelligent ſmiles ſinking into my heart), +ſhe has an aſtoniſhing degree of ſenſibility +and obſervation. The other day +by B——'s child, a fine one, ſhe looked +like a little ſprite.—She is all life and +motion, and her eyes are not the eyes +of a fool—I will ſwear.</p> + +<p>I ſlept at St. Germain's, in the very +room (if you have not forgot) in which +you preſſed me very tenderly to your +heart.—I did not forget to fold my<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-68_S" id="CPg_3-68_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-68.png">68</a>]</span> +darling to mine, with ſenſations that +are almoſt too ſacred to be alluded to.</p> + +<p>Adieu, my love! Take care of yourſelf, +if you wiſh to be the protector of +your child, and the comfort of her +mother.</p> + +<p>I have received, for you, letters from +————. I want to hear how that +affair finiſhes, though I do not know +whether I have moſt contempt for his +folly or knavery.</p> + +<p class="right">Your own                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-69_S" id="CPg_3-69_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-69.png">69</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER XXVI</h4> + +<p class="right">October 1.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">It</span> is a heartleſs taſk to write letters, +without knowing whether they will +ever reach you.—I have given two to +——, who has been a-going, a-going, +every day, for a week paſt; and three +others, which were written in a low-ſpirited +ſtrain, a little querulous or ſo, +I have not been able to forward by the +opportunities that were mentioned to +me. <i>Tant mieux!</i> you will ſay, and I +will not ſay nay; for I ſhould be ſorry +that the contents of a letter, when you +are ſo far away, ſhould damp the pleaſure +that the ſight of it would afford—judging +of your feelings by my own.<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-70_S" id="CPg_3-70_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-70.png">70</a>]</span> +I juſt now ſtumbled on one of the kind +letters, which you wrote during your +laſt abſence. You are then a dear +affectionate creature, and I will not +plague you. The letter which you +chance to receive, when the abſence is +ſo long, ought to bring only tears of +tenderneſs, without any bitter alloy, +into your eyes.</p> + +<p>After your return I hope indeed, +that you will not be ſo immerſed in +buſineſs, as during the laſt three or +four months paſt—for even money, taking +into the account all the future comforts +it is to procure, may be gained at +too dear a rate, if painful impreſſions +are left on the mind.—Theſe impreſſions +were much more lively, ſoon after +you went away, than at preſent—for a +thouſand tender recollections efface the +melancholy traces they left on my mind<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-71_S" id="CPg_3-71_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-71.png">71</a>]</span>—and +every emotion is on the ſame ſide +as my reaſon, which always was on +yours.—Separated, it would be almoſt +impious to dwell on real or imaginary +imperfections of character.—I feel that +I love you; and, if I cannot be happy +with you, I will ſeek it no where elſe.</p> + +<p>My little darling grows every day +more dear to me—and ſhe often has a +kiſs, when we are alone together, +which I give her for you, with all my +heart.</p> + +<p>I have been interrupted—and muſt +ſend off my letter. The liberty of the +preſs will produce a great effect here—the +<i>cry of blood will not be vain</i>!—Some +more monſters will periſh—and the +Jacobins are conquered.—Yet I almoſt +fear the laſt ſlap of the tail of the +beaſt.</p> + +<p>I have had ſeveral trifling teazing<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-72_S" id="CPg_3-72_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-72.png">72</a>]</span> +inconveniencies here, which I ſhall not +now trouble you with a detail of.—I +am ſending —— back; her pregnancy +rendered her uſeleſs. The girl I have +got has more vivacity, which is better +for the child.</p> + +<p>I long to hear from you.—Bring a +copy of —— and —— with you.</p> + +<p>—— is ſtill here: he is a loſt man.—He +really loves his wife, and is anxious +about his children; but his indiſcriminate +hoſpitality and ſocial feelings have +given him an inveterate habit of drinking, +that deſtroys his health, as well as +renders his perſon diſguſting.—If his +wife had more ſenſe, or delicacy, ſhe +might reſtrain him: as it is, nothing +will ſave him.</p> + +<p>Yours moſt truly and affectionately</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-73_S" id="CPg_3-73_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-73.png">73</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER XXVII</h4> + +<p class="right">October 26.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">My</span> dear love, I began to wiſh ſo earneſtly +to hear from you, that the ſight +of your letters occaſioned ſuch pleaſurable +emotions, I was obliged to throw +them aſide till the little girl and I were +alone together; and this ſaid little girl, +our darling, is become a moſt intelligent +little creature, and as gay as a lark, +and that in the morning too, which I +do not find quite ſo convenient. I +once told you, that the ſenſations before +ſhe was born, and when ſhe is +ſucking, were pleaſant; but they do +not deſerve to be compared to the emotions +I feel, when ſhe ſtops to ſmile<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-74_S" id="CPg_3-74_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-74.png">74</a>]</span> +upon me, or laughs outright on meeting +me unexpectedly in the ſtreet, or +after a ſhort abſence. She has now the +advantage of having two good nurſes, +and I am at preſent able to diſcharge +my duty to her, without being the +ſlave of it.</p> + +<p>I have therefore employed and amuſed +myſelf ſince I got rid of ——, and am +making a progreſs in the language +amongſt other things. I have alſo made +ſome new acquaintance. I have almoſt +<i>charmed</i> a judge of the tribunal, R——, +who, though I ſhould not have thought +it poſſible, has humanity, if not <i>beaucoup +d'eſprit</i>. But let me tell you, if you do +not make haſte back, I ſhall be half in +love with the author of the <i>Marſeillaiſe</i>, +who is a handſome man, a little +too broad-faced or ſo, and plays ſweetly +on the violin.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-75_S" id="CPg_3-75_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-75.png">75</a>]</span> +What do you ſay to this threat?—why, +<i>entre nous</i>, I like to give way to +a ſprightly vein, when writing to you, +that is, when I am pleaſed with you. +"The devil," you know, is proverbially +ſaid to be "in a good humour, when +he is pleaſed." Will you not then be +a good boy, and come back quickly to +play with your girls? but I ſhall not allow +you to love the new-comer beſt.</p> + +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> + + +<p>My heart longs for your return, my +love, and only looks for, and ſeeks happineſs +with you; yet do not imagine +that I childiſhly wiſh you to come back, +before you have arranged things in +ſuch a manner, that it will not be neceſſary +for you to leave us ſoon again;<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-76_S" id="CPg_3-76_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-76.png">76</a>]</span> +or to make exertions which injure your +conſtitution.</p> + +<p class="right">Yours moſt truly and tenderly        </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<p>P.S. "You would oblige me by delivering +the incloſed to Mr. ——, and +pray call for an anſwer.—It is for a perſon +uncomfortably ſituated.</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER XXVIII</h4> + +<p class="right">Dec. 26.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I have</span> been, my love, for ſome days +tormented by fears, that I would not +allow to aſſume a form—I had been +expecting you daily—and I heard that +many veſſels had been driven on ſhore +during the late gale.—Well, I now ſee<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-77_S" id="CPg_3-77_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-77.png">77</a>]</span> +your letter—and find that you are ſafe; +I will not regret then that your exertions +have hitherto been ſo unavailing.</p> + +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> + +<p>Be that as it may, return to me when +you have arranged the other matters, +which —— has been crowding on you. +I want to be ſure that you are ſafe—and +not ſeparated from me by a ſea that +muſt be paſſed. For, feeling that I am +happier than I ever was, do you wonder +at my ſometimes dreading that fate +has not done perſecuting me? Come +to me, my deareſt friend, huſband, father +of my child!—All theſe fond ties +glow at my heart at this moment, and +dim my eyes.—With you an independence +is deſirable; and it is always +within our reach, if affluence eſcapes<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-78_S" id="CPg_3-78_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-78.png">78</a>]</span> +us—without you the world again appears +empty to me. But I am recurring +to ſome of the melancholy thoughts +that have flitted acroſs my mind for +ſome days paſt, and haunted my +dreams.</p> + +<p>My little darling is indeed a ſweet +child; and I am ſorry that you are not +here, to ſee her little mind unfold itſelf. +You talk of "dalliance;" but certainly +no lover was ever more attached to his +miſtreſs, than ſhe is to me. Her eyes +follow me every where, and by affection +I have the moſt deſpotic power +over her. She is all vivacity or ſoftneſs—yes; +I love her more than I +thought I ſhould. When I have been +hurt at your ſtay, I have embraced her +as my only comfort—when pleaſed with +you, for looking and laughing like +you; nay, I cannot, I find, long be an<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-79_S" id="CPg_3-79_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-79.png">79</a>]</span>gry +with you, whilſt I am kiſſing her +for reſembling you. But there would +be no end to theſe details. Fold us +both to your heart; for I am truly and +affectionately</p> + +<p class="right">Yours                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER XXIX</h4> + +<p class="right">December 28.</p> + +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> + + +<p>I do, my love, indeed ſincerely +ſympathize with you in all your diſappointments.—Yet, +knowing that you +are well, and think of me with affec<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-80_S" id="CPg_3-80_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-80.png">80</a>]</span>tion, +I only lament other diſappointments, +becauſe I am ſorry that you +ſhould thus exert yourſelf in vain, and +that you are kept from me.</p> + +<p>———, I know, urges you to ſtay, +and is continually branching out into +new projects, becauſe he has the idle +deſire to amaſs a large fortune, rather +an immenſe one, merely to have the +credit of having made it. But we +who are governed by other motives, +ought not to be led on by him. When +we meet, we will diſcuſs this ſubject—You +will liſten to reaſon, and it has +probably occurred to you, that it will +be better, in future, to purſue ſome +ſober plan, which may demand more +time, and ſtill enable you to arrive at +the ſame end. It appears to me abſurd +to waſte life in preparing to live.</p> + +<p>Would it not now be poſſible to ar<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-81_S" id="CPg_3-81_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-81.png">81</a>]</span>range +your buſineſs in ſuch a manner +as to avoid the inquietudes, of which +I have had my ſhare ſince your departure? +Is it not poſſible to enter into +buſineſs, as an employment neceſſary +to keep the faculties awake, and (to +ſink a little in the expreſſions) the pot +boiling, without ſuffering what muſt +ever be conſidered as a ſecondary object, +to engroſs the mind, and drive +ſentiment and affection out of the +heart?</p> + +<p>I am in a hurry to give this letter to +the perſon who has promiſed to forward +it with ———'s. I wiſh then to +counteract, in ſome meaſure, what +<ins class="err" title="Transcriber's Note: original reads 'he he'">he</ins> has doubtleſs recommended moſt +warmly.</p> + +<p>Stay, my friend, whilſt it is <i>abſolutely</i> +neceſſary.—I will give you no tenderer +name, though it glows at my heart,<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-82_S" id="CPg_3-82_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-82.png">82</a>]</span> +unleſs you come the moment the ſettling +the <i>preſent</i> objects permit.—<i>I do not +conſent</i> to your taking any other journey—or +the little woman and I will be +off, the Lord knows where. But, as I +had rather owe every thing to your affection, +and, I may add, to your reaſon, +(for this immoderate deſire of +wealth, which makes ——— ſo eager +to have you remain, is contrary to your +principles of action), I will not importune +you.—I will only tell you, that I +long to ſee you—and, being at peace +with you, I ſhall be hurt, rather than +made angry, by delays.—Having ſuffered +ſo much in life, do not be ſurpriſed +if I ſometimes, when left to +myſelf, grow gloomy, and ſuppoſe that +it was all a dream, and that my happineſs +is not to laſt. I ſay happineſs,<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-83_S" id="CPg_3-83_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-83.png">83</a>]</span> +becauſe remembrance retrenches all +the dark ſhades of the picture.</p> + +<p>My little one begins to ſhow her +teeth, and uſe her legs—She wants you +to bear your part in the nurſing buſineſs, +for I am fatigued with dancing +her, and yet ſhe is not ſatiſfied—ſhe +wants you to thank her mother for taking +ſuch care of her, as you only can.</p> + +<p class="right">Yours truly                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER XXX</h4> + +<p class="right">December 29.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Though</span> I ſuppoſe you have later +intelligence, yet, as ——— has juſt +informed me that he has an opportuni<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-84_S" id="CPg_3-84_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-84.png">84</a>]</span>ty +of ſending immediately to you, I +take advantage of it to incloſe you</p> + +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> + + +<p>How I hate this crooked buſineſs! +This intercourſe with the world, which +obliges one to ſee the worſt ſide of +human nature! Why cannot you be +content with the object you had firſt in +view, when you entered into this weariſome +labyrinth?—I know very well +that you have imperceptibly been +drawn on; yet why does one project, +ſucceſſful or abortive, only give place +to two others? Is it not ſufficient to +avoid poverty?—I am contented to do +my part; and, even here, ſufficient to +eſcape from wretchedneſs is not difficult +to obtain. And, let me tell you, +I have my project alſo—and, if you do +not ſoon return, the little girl and I +will take care of ourſelves; we will not<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-85_S" id="CPg_3-85_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-85.png">85</a>]</span> +accept any of your cold kindneſs—your +diſtant civilities—no; not we.</p> + +<p>This is but half jeſting, for I am +really tormented by the deſire which +——— manifeſts to have you remain +where you are.—Yet why do I talk to +you?—If he can perſuade you—let him!—for, +if you are not happier with me, +and your own wiſhes do not make you +throw aſide theſe eternal projects, I am +above uſing any arguments, though +reaſon as well as affection ſeems to offer +them—if our affection be mutual, +they will occur to you—and you will +act accordingly.</p> + +<p>Since my arrival here, I have found +the German lady, of whom you have +heard me ſpeak. Her firſt child died +in the month; but ſhe has another, +about the age of my ———, a fine +little creature. They are ſtill but con<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-86_S" id="CPg_3-86_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-86.png">86</a>]</span>triving +to live——earning their daily +bread—yet, though they are but juſt +above poverty, I envy them.—She is a +tender, affectionate mother—fatigued +even by her attention.—However ſhe +has an affectionate huſband in her turn, +to render her care light, and to ſhare +her pleaſure.</p> + +<p>I will own to you that, feeling extreme +tenderneſs for my little girl, I +grow ſad very often when I am playing +with her, that you are not here, to +obſerve with me how her mind unfolds, +and her little heart becomes attached!—Theſe +appear to me to be true pleaſures—and +ſtill you ſuffer them to eſcape +you, in ſearch of what we may +never enjoy.—It is your own maxim to +"live in the preſent moment."—<i>If you +do</i>—ſtay, for God's ſake; but tell me +the truth—if not, tell me when I may<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-87_S" id="CPg_3-87_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-87.png">87</a>]</span> +expect to ſee you, and let me not be +always vainly looking for you, till I +grow ſick at heart.</p> + +<p>Adieu! I am a little hurt.—I muſt +take my darling to my boſom to comfort +me.</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER XXXI</h4> + +<p class="right">December 30.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Should</span> you receive three or four of +the letters at once which I have written +lately, do not think of Sir John +Brute, for I do not mean to wife you. +I only take advantage of every occaſion, +that one out of three of my +epiſtles may reach your hands, and in<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-88_S" id="CPg_3-88_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-88.png">88</a>]</span>form +you that I am not of ———'s +opinion, who talks till he makes me +angry, of the neceſſity of your ſtaying +two or three months longer. I do not +like this life of continual inquietude—and, +<i>entre nous</i>, I am determined to try +to earn ſome money here myſelf, in +order to convince you that, if you +chuſe to run about the world to get a +fortune, it is for yourſelf—for the little +girl and I will live without your aſſiſtance, +unleſs you are with us. I may +be termed proud—Be it ſo—but I will +never abandon certain principles of +action.</p> + +<p>The common run of men have ſuch +an ignoble way of thinking, that, if +they debauch their hearts, and proſtitute +their perſons, following perhaps a +guſt of inebriation, they ſuppoſe the +wife, ſlave rather, whom they main<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-89_S" id="CPg_3-89_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-89.png">89</a>]</span>tain, +has no right to complain, and +ought to receive the ſultan, whenever +he deigns to return, with open arms, +though his have been polluted by half +an hundred promiſcuous amours during +his abſence.</p> + +<p>I conſider fidelity and conſtancy as +two diſtinct things; yet the former is +neceſſary, to give life to the other—and +ſuch a degree of reſpect do I think +due to myſelf, that, if only probity, +which is a good thing in its place, +brings you back, never return!—for, +if a wandering of the heart, or even a +caprice of the imagination detains +you—there is an end of all my hopes of +happineſs—I could not forgive it, if I +would.</p> + +<p>I have gotten into a melancholy +mood, you perceive. You know my +opinion of men in general; you know<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-90_S" id="CPg_3-90_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-90.png">90</a>]</span> +that I think them ſyſtematic tyrants, and +that it is the rareſt thing in the world, +to meet with a man with ſufficient +delicacy of feeling to govern deſire. +When I am thus ſad, I lament that my +little darling, fondly as I doat on her, +is a girl.—I am ſorry to have a tie to a +world that for me is ever ſown with +thorns.</p> + +<p>You will call this an ill-humoured +letter, when, in fact, it is the ſtrongeſt +proof of affection I can give, to dread +to loſe you. ——— has taken ſuch +pains to convince me that you muſt +and ought to ſtay, that it has inconceivably +depreſſed my ſpirits—You +have always known my opinion—I have +ever declared, that two people, who +mean to live together, ought not to be +long ſeparated.—If certain things are +more neceſſary to you than me—ſearch<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-91_S" id="CPg_3-91_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-91.png">91</a>]</span> +for them—Say but one word, and you +ſhall never hear of me more.—If not—for +God's ſake, let us ſtruggle with +poverty—with any evil, but theſe continual +inquietudes of buſineſs, which +I have been told were to laſt but a few +months, though every day the end appears +more diſtant! This is the firſt +letter in this ſtrain that I have determined +to forward to you; the reſt lie +by, becauſe I was unwilling to give you +pain, and I ſhould not now write, if I +did not think that there would be no +concluſion to the ſchemes, which demand, +as I am told, your preſence.</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *<a name="FNanchor_91-A_18_S" id="CFNanchor_91-A_18_S"></a><a href="#CFootnote_91-A_18_S" class="fnanchor">[91-A]</a></p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-92_S" id="CPg_3-92_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-92.png">92</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER XXXII</h4> + +<p class="right">January 9.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I juſt</span> now received one of your +haſty <i>notes</i>; for buſineſs ſo entirely occupies +you, that you have not time, or +ſufficient command of thought, to write +letters. Beware! you ſeem to be got +into a whirl of projects and ſchemes, +which are drawing you into a gulph, +that, if it do not abſorb your happineſs, +will infallibly deſtroy mine.</p> + +<p>Fatigued during my youth by the +moſt arduous ſtruggles, not only to obtain +independence, but to render myſelf +uſeful, not merely pleaſure, for +which I had the moſt lively taſte, I<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-93_S" id="CPg_3-93_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-93.png">93</a>]</span> +mean the ſimple pleaſures that flow from +paſſion and affection, eſcaped me, but +the moſt melancholy views of life were +impreſſed by a diſappointed heart on +my mind. Since I knew you, I have +been endeavouring to go back to my +former nature, and have allowed ſome +time to glide away, winged with the +delight which only ſpontaneous enjoyment +can give.—Why have you ſo +ſoon diſſolved the charm?</p> + +<p>I am really unable to bear the continual +inquietude which your and +———'s never-ending plans produce. +This you may term want of firmneſs—but +you are miſtaken—I have ſtill ſufficient +firmneſs to purſue my principle +of action. The preſent miſery, I cannot +find a ſofter word to do juſtice to +my feelings, appears to me unneceſ<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-94_S" id="CPg_3-94_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-94.png">94</a>]</span>ſary—and +therefore I have not firmneſs +to ſupport it as you may think I +ought. I ſhould have been content, +and ſtill wiſh, to retire with you to a +farm—My God! any thing, but theſe +continual anxieties—any thing but +commerce, which debaſes the mind, +and roots out affection from the heart.</p> + +<p>I do not mean to complain of ſubordinate +inconveniences——yet I will +ſimply obſerve, that, led to expect +you every week, I did not make the +arrangements required by the preſent +circumſtances, to procure the neceſſaries +of life. In order to have them, +a ſervant, for that purpoſe only, is indiſpenſible—The +want of wood, has made +me catch the moſt violent cold I ever +had; and my head is ſo diſturbed by +continual coughing, that I am unable<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-95_S" id="CPg_3-95_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-95.png">95</a>]</span> +to write without ſtopping frequently to +recollect myſelf.—This however is one +of the common evils which muſt be +borne with——bodily pain does not +touch the heart, though it fatigues the +ſpirits.</p> + +<p>Still as you talk of your return, even +in February, doubtingly, I have determined, +the moment the weather +changes, to wean my child.—It is too +ſoon for her to begin to divide ſorrow!—And +as one has well ſaid, "deſpair is a +freeman," we will go and ſeek our fortune +together.</p> + +<p>This is not a caprice of the moment—for +your abſence has given new +weight to ſome concluſions, that I was +very reluctantly forming before you +left me.—I do not chuſe to be a ſecondary +object.—If your feelings were +in uniſon with mine, you would not<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-96_S" id="CPg_3-96_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-96.png">96</a>]</span> +ſacrifice ſo much to viſionary proſpects +of future advantage.</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER XXXIII</h4> + +<p class="right">Jan. <ins class="err" title="Transcriber's Note: added miſſing period">15.</ins></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I was</span> juſt going to begin my letter +with the fag end of a ſong, which would +only have told you, what I may as well +ſay ſimply, that it is pleaſant to forgive +thoſe we love. I have received your +two letters, dated the 26th and 28th +of December, and my anger died away. +You can ſcarcely conceive the effect +ſome of your letters have produced on +me. After longing to hear from you +during a tedious interval of ſuſpenſe, +I have ſeen a ſuperſcription written by<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-97_S" id="CPg_3-97_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-97.png">97</a>]</span> +you.—Promiſing myſelf pleaſure, and +feeling emotion, I have laid it by me, +till the perſon who brought it, left the +room—when, behold! on opening it, +I have found only half a dozen haſty +lines, that have damped all the riſing +affection of my ſoul.</p> + +<p>Well, now for buſineſs—</p> + +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> + + +<p>My animal is well; I have not yet +taught her to eat, but nature is doing +the buſineſs. I gave her a cruſt to aſſiſt +the cutting of her teeth; and now +ſhe has two, ſhe makes good uſe of +them to gnaw a cruſt, biſcuit, &c. You +would laugh to ſee her; ſhe is juſt like +a little ſquirrel; ſhe will guard a cruſt +for two hours; and, after fixing her +eye on an object for ſome time, dart<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-98_S" id="CPg_3-98_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-98.png">98</a>]</span> +on it with an aim as ſure as a bird of +prey—nothing can equal her life and +ſpirits. I ſuffer from a cold; but it +does not affect her. Adieu! do not +forget to love us—and come ſoon to +tell us that you do.</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER XXXIV</h4> + +<p class="right">Jan. 30.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">From</span> the purport of your laſt letters, +I would ſuppoſe that this will +ſcarcely reach you; and I have already +written ſo many letters, that +you have either not received, or neglected +to acknowledge, I do not find +it pleaſant, or rather I have no inclination, +to go over the ſame ground<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-99_S" id="CPg_3-99_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-99.png">99</a>]</span> +again. If you have received them, and +are ſtill detained by new projects, it is +uſeleſs for me to ſay any more on the +ſubject. I have done with it for ever<ins class="err" title="Transcriber's Note: original reads '-'">—</ins>yet +I ought to remind you that your pecuniary +intereſt ſuffers by your abſence.</p> + +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> + + +<p>For my part, my head is turned giddy, +by only hearing of plans to make +money, and my contemptuous feelings +have ſometimes burſt out. I therefore +was glad that a violent cold gave me a +pretext to ſtay at home, leſt I ſhould +have uttered unſeaſonable truths.</p> + +<p>My child is well, and the ſpring +will perhaps reſtore me to myſelf.—I +have endured many inconveniences<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-100_S" id="CPg_3-100_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-100.png">100</a>]</span> +this winter, which ſhould I be aſhamed +to mention, if they had been unavoidable. +"The ſecondary pleaſures of life," +you ſay, "are very neceſſary to my comfort:" +it may be ſo; but I have ever +conſidered them as ſecondary. If therefore +you accuſe me of wanting the reſolution +neceſſary to bear the <i>common</i><a name="FNanchor_100-A_19_S" id="CFNanchor_100-A_19_S"></a><a href="#CFootnote_100-A_19_S" class="fnanchor">[100-A]</a> +evils of life; I ſhould anſwer, that I +have not faſhioned my mind to ſuſtain +them, becauſe I would avoid them, +coſt what it would——</p> + +<p>Adieu!</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-101_S" id="CPg_3-101_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-101.png">101</a>]</span></p> + + +<h4>LETTER XXXV</h4> + +<p class="right">February 9.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">The</span> melancholy preſentiment has for +ſome time hung on my ſpirits, that we +were parted for ever; and the letters I +received this day, by Mr. ——, convince +me that it was not without foundation. +You allude to ſome other +letters, which I ſuppoſe have miſcarried; +for moſt of thoſe I have got, were +only a few haſty lines, calculated to +wound the tenderneſs the ſight of the +ſuperſcriptions excited.</p> + +<p>I mean not however to complain; +yet ſo many feelings are ſtruggling for +utterance, and agitating a heart almoſt +burſting with anguiſh, that I find it<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-102_S" id="CPg_3-102_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-102.png">102</a>]</span> +very difficult to write with any degree +of coherence.</p> + +<p>You left me indiſpoſed, though you +have taken no notice of it; and the +moſt fatiguing journey I ever had, contributed +to continue it. However, I +recovered my health; but a neglected +cold, and continual inquietude during +the laſt two months, have reduced me +to a ſtate of weakneſs I never before +experienced. Thoſe who did not know +that the canker-worm was at work at +the core, cautioned me about ſuckling +my child too long.—God preſerve this +poor child, and render her happier +than her mother!</p> + +<p>But I am wandering from my ſubject: +indeed my head turns giddy, when I +think that all the confidence I have had +in the affection of others is come to this.</p> + +<p>I did not expect this blow from you.<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-103_S" id="CPg_3-103_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-103.png">103</a>]</span> +I have done my duty to you and my +child; and if I am not to have any +return of affection to reward me, I +have the ſad conſolation of knowing +that I deſerved a better fate. My +ſoul is weary—I am ſick at heart; and, +but for this little darling, I would +ceaſe to care about a life, which is now +ſtripped of every charm.</p> + +<p>You ſee how ſtupid I am, uttering +declamation, when I meant ſimply to +tell you, that I conſider your requeſting +me to come to you, as merely dictated +by honour.—Indeed, I ſcarcely underſtand +you.—You requeſt me to come, +and then tell me, that you have not +given up all thoughts of returning to +this place.</p> + +<p>When I determined to live with you, +I was only governed by affection.—I +would ſhare poverty with you, but I<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-104_S" id="CPg_3-104_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-104.png">104</a>]</span> +turn with affright from the ſea of trouble +on which you are entering.—I have +certain principles of action: I know +what I look for to found my happineſs +on.—It is not money.—With you I +wiſhed for ſufficient to procure the +comforts of life—as it is, leſs will +do.—I can ſtill exert myſelf to +obtain the neceſſaries of life for my +child, and ſhe does not want more at +preſent.—I have two or three plans in +my head to earn our ſubſiſtence; for +do not ſuppoſe that, neglected by you, +I will lie under obligations of a pecuniary +kind to you!—No; I would ſooner +ſubmit to menial ſervice.—I wanted the +ſupport of your affection—that gone, +all is over!—I did not think, when I +complained of ——'s contemptible avidity +to accumulate money, that he<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-105_S" id="CPg_3-105_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-105.png">105</a>]</span> +would have dragged you into his +ſchemes.</p> + +<p>I cannot write.—I incloſe a fragment +of a letter, written ſoon after your +departure, and another which tenderneſs +made me keep back when it was +written.—You will ſee then the ſentiments +of a calmer, though not a more +determined, moment.—Do not inſult +me by ſaying, that "our being together +is paramount to every other conſideration!" +Were it, you would not be +running after a bubble, at the expence +of my peace of mind.</p> + +<p>Perhaps this is the laſt letter you will +ever receive from me.</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-106_S" id="CPg_3-106_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-106.png">106</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER XXXVI</h4> + +<p class="right">Feb. 10.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">You</span> talk of "permanent views and +future comfort"—not for me, for I am +dead to hope. The inquietudes of the +laſt winter have finiſhed the buſineſs, +and my heart is not only broken, but +my conſtitution deſtroyed. I conceive +myſelf in a galloping conſumption, and +the continual anxiety I feel at the +thought of leaving my child, feeds the +fever that nightly devours me. It is +on her account that I again write to +you, to conjure you, by all that you +hold ſacred, to leave her here with the +German lady you may have heard me +mention! She has a child of the ſame +age, and they may be brought up to<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-107_S" id="CPg_3-107_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-107.png">107</a>]</span>gether, +as I wiſh her to be brought up. +I ſhall write more fully on the ſubject. +To facilitate this, I ſhall give up my +preſent lodgings, and go into the ſame +houſe. I can live much cheaper there, +which is now become an object. I have +had 3000 livres from ——, and I ſhall +take one more, to pay my ſervant's +wages, &c. and then I ſhall endeavour +to procure what I want by my own exertions. +I ſhall entirely give up the acquaintance +of the Americans.</p> + +<p>—— and I have not been on good +terms a long time. Yeſterday he very +unmanlily exulted over me, on account +of your determination to ſtay. I had +provoked it, it is true, by ſome aſperities +againſt commerce, which have +dropped from me, when we have argued +about the propriety of your remaining +where you are; and it is no matter, I<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-108_S" id="CPg_3-108_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-108.png">108</a>]</span> +have drunk too deep of the bitter cup +to care about trifles.</p> + +<p>When you firſt entered into theſe +plans, you bounded your views to the +gaining of a thouſand pounds. It was +ſufficient to have procured a farm in +America, which would have been an +independence. You find now that you +did not know yourſelf, and that a certain +ſituation in life is more neceſſary +to you than you imagined—more neceſſary +than an uncorrupted heart—For +a year or two, you may procure yourſelf +what you call pleaſure; eating, +drinking, and women; but, in the ſolitude +of declining life, I ſhall be remembered +with regret—I was going to +ſay with remorſe, but checked my +pen.</p> + +<p>As I have never concealed the nature of +my connection with you, your repu<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-109_S" id="CPg_3-109_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-109.png">109</a>]</span>tation +will not ſuffer. I ſhall never have +a confident: I am content with the approbation +of my own mind; and, if there +be a ſearcher of hearts, mine will not +be deſpiſed. Reading what you have +written relative to the deſertion of women, +I have often wondered how theory +and practice could be ſo different, till +I recollected, that the ſentiments of +paſſion, and the reſolves of reaſon, are +very diſtinct. As to my ſiſters, as you +are ſo continually hurried with buſineſs, +you need not write to them—I +ſhall, when my mind is calmer. God +bleſs you! Adieu!</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<p>This has been ſuch a period of barbarity +and miſery, I ought not to complain +of having my ſhare. I wiſh one +moment that I had never heard of the<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-110_S" id="CPg_3-110_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-110.png">110</a>]</span> +cruelties that have been practiſed here, +and the next envy the mothers who +have been killed with their children. +Surely I had ſuffered enough in life, +not to be curſed with a fondneſs, that +burns up the vital ſtream I am imparting. +You will think me mad: I +would I were ſo, that I could forget +my miſery—ſo that my head or heart +would be ſtill.——</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER XXXVII</h4> + +<p class="right">Feb. 19.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">When</span> I firſt received your letter, +putting off your return to an indefinite +time, I felt ſo hurt, that I know not +what I wrote. I am now calmer, +though it was not the kind of wound<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-111_S" id="CPg_3-111_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-111.png">111</a>]</span> +over which time has the quickeſt effect; +on the contrary, the more I think, the +ſadder I grow. Society fatigues me inexpreſſibly—So +much ſo, that finding +fault with every one, I have only reaſon +enough, to diſcover that the fault is +in myſelf. My child alone intereſts +me, and, but for her, I ſhould not take +any pains to recover my health.</p> + +<p>As it is, I ſhall wean her, and try if +by that ſtep (to which I feel a repugnance, +for it is my only ſolace) I can +get rid of my cough. Phyſicians talk +much of the danger attending any complaint +on the lungs, after a woman has +ſuckled for ſome months. They lay a +ſtreſs alſo on the neceſſity of keeping +the mind tranquil—and, my God! how +has mine been harraſſed! But whilſt +the caprices of other women are gratified, +"the wind of heaven not ſuffered<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-112_S" id="CPg_3-112_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-112.png">112</a>]</span> +to viſit them too rudely," I have not +found a guardian angel, in heaven or +on earth, to ward off ſorrow or care +from my boſom.</p> + +<p>What ſacrifices have you not made +for a woman you did not reſpect!—But +I will not go over this ground—I want +to tell you that I do not underſtand +you. You ſay that you have not given +up all thoughts of returning here—and +I know that it will be neceſſary—nay, +is. I cannot explain myſelf; but if you +have not loſt your memory, you will +eaſily divine my meaning. What! is +our life then only to be made up of ſeparations? +and am I only to return to +a country, that has not merely loſt all +charms for me, but for which I feel a +repugnance that almoſt amounts to +horror, only to be left there a prey to +it!</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-113_S" id="CPg_3-113_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-113.png">113</a>]</span> +Why is it ſo neceſſary that I ſhould +return?—brought up here, my girl +would be freer. Indeed, expecting you +to join us, I had formed ſome plans +of uſefulneſs that have now vaniſhed +with my hopes of happineſs.</p> + +<p>In the bitterneſs of my heart, I could +complain with reaſon, that I am left +here dependent on a man, whoſe avidity +to acquire a fortune has rendered +him callous to every ſentiment connected +with ſocial or affectionate emotions.—With +a brutal inſenſibility, he +cannot help diſplaying the pleaſure +your determination to ſtay gives him, +in ſpite of the effect it is viſible it has +had on me.</p> + +<p>Till I can earn money, I ſhall endeavour +to borrow ſome, for I want to +avoid aſking him continually for the +ſum neceſſary to maintain me.—Do not<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-114_S" id="CPg_3-114_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-114.png">114</a>]</span> +miſtake me, I have never been refuſed.—Yet +I have gone half a dozen times +to the houſe to aſk for it, and come +away without ſpeaking——you muſt +gueſs why—Beſides, I wiſh to avoid +hearing of the eternal projects to which +you have ſacrificed my peace—not remembering—but +I will be ſilent for +ever.——</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER XXXVIII</h4> + +<p class="right">April 7.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Here</span> I am at H——, on the wing +towards you, and I write now, only to +tell you, that you may expect me in +the courſe of three or four days; for<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-115_S" id="CPg_3-115_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-115.png">115</a>]</span> +I ſhall not attempt to give vent to the +different emotions which agitate my +heart—You may term a feeling, which +appears to me to be a degree of delicacy +that naturally ariſes from ſenſibility, +pride—Still I cannot indulge the +very affectionate tenderneſs which +glows in my boſom, without trembling, +till I ſee, by your eyes, that it is mutual.</p> + +<p>I ſit, loſt in thought, looking at the +ſea—and tears ruſh into my eyes, when +I find that I am cheriſhing any fond +expectations.—I have indeed been ſo +unhappy this winter, I find it as difficult +to acquire freſh hopes, as to regain +tranquillity.—Enough of this—lie +ſtill, fooliſh heart!—But for the little +girl, I could almoſt wiſh that it +ſhould ceaſe to beat, to be no more +alive to the anguiſh of diſappointment.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-116_S" id="CPg_3-116_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-116.png">116</a>]</span> +Sweet little creature! I deprived myſelf +of my only pleaſure, when I weaned +her, about ten days ago.—I am however +glad I conquered my repugnance.—It +was neceſſary it ſhould be done +ſoon, and I did not wiſh to embitter +the renewal of your acquaintance with +her, by putting it off till we met.—It +was a painful exertion to me, and I +thought it beſt to throw this inquietude +with the reſt, into the ſack that I +would fain throw over my ſhoulder.—I +wiſhed to endure it alone, in ſhort—Yet, +after ſending her to ſleep in the +next room for three or four nights, you +cannot think with what joy I took her +back again to ſleep in my boſom!</p> + +<p>I ſuppoſe I ſhall find you, when I arrive, +for I do not ſee any neceſſity for +your coming to me.—Pray inform Mr. ———, +that I have his little friend<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-117_S" id="CPg_3-117_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-117.png">117</a>]</span> +with me.—My wiſhing to oblige him, +made me put myſelf to ſome inconvenience——and +delay my departure; +which was irkſome to me, who have +not quite as much philoſophy, I would +not for the world ſay indifference, as +you. God bleſs you!</p> + +<p class="right">Yours truly,                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER XXXIX</h4> + +<p class="right">Brighthelmſtone, Saturday, April 11.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Here</span> we are, my love, and mean to +ſet out early in the morning; and, if I +can find you, I hope to dine with you +to-morrow.—I ſhall drive to ———'s +hotel, where ——— tells me you have<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-118_S" id="CPg_3-118_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-118.png">118</a>]</span> +been—and, if you have left it, I hope you +will take care to be there to receive us.</p> + +<p>I have brought with me Mr. ——'s +little friend, and a girl whom I like to +take care of our little darling—not on the +way, for that fell to my ſhare.—But why +do I write about trifles?—or any thing?—Are +we not to meet ſoon?—What +does your heart ſay!</p> + +<p class="right">Yours truly                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<p>I have weaned my ———, and ſhe +is now eating away at the white bread.</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-119_S" id="CPg_3-119_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-119.png">119</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER XL</h4> + +<p class="right">London, Friday, May 22.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I have</span> juſt received your affectionate +letter, and am diſtreſſed to think that I +have added to your embarraſſments at +this troubleſome juncture, when the +exertion of all the faculties of your mind +appears to be neceſſary, to extricate +you out of your pecuniary difficulties. +I ſuppoſe it was ſomething relative to +the circumſtance you have mentioned, +which made ——— requeſt to ſee me +to-day, to <i>converſe about a matter of great +importance</i>. Be that as it may, his letter +(ſuch is the ſtate of my ſpirits) inconceivably +alarmed me, and rendered<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-120_S" id="CPg_3-120_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-120.png">120</a>]</span> +the laſt night as diſtreſſing, as the two +former had been.</p> + +<p>I have laboured to calm my mind ſince +you left me—Still I find that tranquillity +is not to be obtained by exertion; it +is a feeling ſo different from the reſignation +of deſpair!—I am however no +longer angry with you—nor will I ever +utter another complaint—there are +arguments which convince the reaſon, +whilſt they carry death to the heart.—We +have had too many cruel <ins class="err" title="Transcriber's Note: original reads 'explananations'">explanations</ins>, +that not only cloud every future +proſpect; but embitter the remembrances +which alone give life to +affection.—Let the ſubject never be +revived!</p> + +<p>It ſeems to me that I have not only +loſt the hope, but the power of being +happy.—Every emotion is now ſharp<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-121_S" id="CPg_3-121_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-121.png">121</a>]</span>ened +by anguiſh.—My ſoul has been +ſhook, and my tone of feelings deſtroyed.—I +have gone out—and ſought +for diſſipation, if not amuſement, merely +to fatigue ſtill more, I find, my irritable +nerves——</p> + +<p>My friend—my dear friend—examine +yourſelf well—I am out of the +queſtion; for, alas! I am nothing—and +diſcover what you wiſh to do—what +will render you moſt comfortable—or, +to be more explicit—whether +you deſire to live with me, or part for +ever? When you can once aſcertain it, +tell me frankly, I conjure you!—for, believe +me, I have very involuntarily interrupted +your peace.</p> + +<p>I ſhall expect you to dinner on Monday, +and will endeavour to aſſume a +cheerful face to greet you—at any<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-122_S" id="CPg_3-122_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-122.png">122</a>]</span> +rate I will avoid converſations, which +only tend to harraſs your feelings, becauſe +I am moſt affectionately yours,</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER XLI</h4> + +<p class="right">Wedneſday.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I incloſe</span> you the letter, which you +deſired me to forward, and I am tempted +very laconically to wiſh you a good +morning—not becauſe I am angry, or +have nothing to ſay; but to keep down +a wounded ſpirit.—I ſhall make every +effort to calm my mind—yet a ſtrong +conviction ſeems to whirl round in the +very centre of my brain, which, like<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-123_S" id="CPg_3-123_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-123.png">123</a>]</span> +the fiat of fate, emphatically aſſures +me, that grief has a firm hold of my +heart.</p> + +<p>God bleſs you!</p> + +<p class="right">Yours ſincerely                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER XLII</h4> + +<p class="right">—, Wedneſday, Two o'Clock.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">We</span> arrived here about an hour ago. +I am extremely fatigued with the child, +who would not reſt quiet with any +body but me, during the night—and +now we are here in a comfortleſs, +damp room, in a ſort of a tomb-like +houſe. This however I ſhall quickly<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-124_S" id="CPg_3-124_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-124.png">124</a>]</span> +remedy, for, when I have finiſhed this +letter, (which I muſt do immediately, +becauſe the poſt goes out early), I +ſhall ſally forth, and enquire about a +veſſel and an inn.</p> + +<p>I will not diſtreſs you by talking of +the depreſſion of my ſpirits, or the +ſtruggle I had to keep alive my dying +heart.—It is even now too full to allow +me to write with compoſure.—*****,—dear +*****, —am I always to be +toſſed about thus?—ſhall I never find +an aſylum to reſt <i>contented</i> in? How +can you love to fly about continually—dropping +down, as it were, in a new +world—cold and ſtrange!—every other +day? Why do you not attach thoſe +tender emotions round the idea of home, +which even now dim my eyes?—This +alone is affection—every thing elſe is +only humanity, electrified by ſympathy.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-125_S" id="CPg_3-125_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-125.png">125</a>]</span> +I will write to you again to-morrow, +when I know how long I am to be detained—and +hope to get a letter quickly +from you, to cheer yours ſincerely +and affectionately</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<p>——— is playing near me in high +ſpirits. She was ſo pleaſed with the +noiſe of the mail-horn, ſhe has been +continually imitating it.——Adieu!</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER XLIII</h4> + +<p class="right">Thurſday.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">A lady</span> has juſt ſent to offer to +take me to ———. I have then only +a moment to exclaim againſt the vague<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-126_S" id="CPg_3-126_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-126.png">126</a>]</span> +manner in which people give information</p> + +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> + + +<p>But why talk of inconveniences, which +are in fact trifling, when compared +with the ſinking of the heart I have +felt! I did not intend to touch this +painful ſtring—God bleſs you!</p> + +<p class="right">Yours truly,                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-127_S" id="CPg_3-127_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-127.png">127</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER XLIV</h4> + +<p class="right">Friday, June 12.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I have</span> juſt received yours dated the +9th, which I ſuppoſe was a miſtake, for +it could ſcarcely have loitered ſo long +on the road. The general obſervations +which apply to the ſtate of your own +mind, appear to me juſt, as far as they +go; and I ſhall always conſider it as +one of the moſt ſerious miſfortunes of +my life, that I did not meet you, before +ſatiety had rendered your ſenſes ſo faſtidious, +as almoſt to cloſe up every tender +avenue of ſentiment and affection +that leads to your ſympathetic heart. +You have a heart, my friend, yet, hurried +away by the impetuoſity of inferior +feelings, you have ſought in vulgar<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-128_S" id="CPg_3-128_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-128.png">128</a>]</span> +exceſſes, for that gratification which +only the heart can beſtow.</p> + +<p>The common run of men, I know, +with ſtrong health and groſs appetites, +muſt have variety to baniſh <i>ennui</i>, becauſe +the imagination never lends its +magic wand, to convert appetite into +love, cemented by according reaſon.—Ah! +my friend, you know not the ineffable +delight, the exquiſite pleaſure, +which ariſes from a uniſon of affection +and deſire, when the whole ſoul and +ſenſes are abandoned to a lively imagination, +that renders every emotion delicate +and rapturous. Yes; theſe are +emotions, over which ſatiety has no +power, and the recollection of which, +even diſappointment cannot diſenchant; +but they do not exiſt without ſelf-denial. +Theſe emotions, more or leſs +ſtrong, appear to me to be the diſtinc<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-129_S" id="CPg_3-129_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-129.png">129</a>]</span>tive +characteriſtic of genius, the foundation +of taſte, and of that exquiſite +reliſh for the beauties of nature, of +which the common herd of eaters and +drinkers and <i>child-begeters</i>, certainly +have no idea. You will ſmile at an +obſervation that has juſt occurred to me:—I +conſider thoſe minds as the moſt +ſtrong and original, whoſe imagination +acts as the ſtimulus to their ſenſes.</p> + +<p>Well! you will aſk, what is the reſult +of all this reaſoning? Why I cannot +help thinking that it is poſſible for +you, having great ſtrength of mind, +to return to nature, and regain a ſanity +of conſtitution, and purity of feeling—which +would open your heart to me.—I +would fain reſt there!</p> + +<p>Yet, convinced more than ever of +the ſincerity and tenderneſs of my attachment +to you, the involuntary hopes,<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-130_S" id="CPg_3-130_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-130.png">130</a>]</span> +which a determination to live has revived, +are not ſufficiently ſtrong to diſſipate +the cloud, that deſpair has ſpread +over futurity. I have looked at the +ſea, and at my child, hardly daring to +own to myſelf the ſecret wiſh, that it +might become our tomb; and that the +heart, ſtill ſo alive to anguiſh, might +there be quieted by death. At this +moment ten thouſand complicated ſentiments +preſs for utterance, weigh on +my heart, and obſcure my ſight.</p> + +<p>Are we ever to meet again? and will +you endeavour to render that meeting +happier than the laſt? Will you endeavour +to reſtrain your caprices, in order +to give vigour to affection, and to give +play to the checked ſentiments that +nature intended ſhould expand your +heart? I cannot indeed, without agony, +think of your boſom's being conti<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-131_S" id="CPg_3-131_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-131.png">131</a>]</span>nually +contaminated; and bitter are +the tears which exhauſt my eyes, when +I recollect why my child and I are +forced to ſtray from the aſylum, in +which, after ſo many ſtorms, I had +hoped to reſt, ſmiling at angry fate.—Theſe +are not common ſorrows; nor +can you perhaps conceive, how much +active fortitude it requires to labour +perpetually to blunt the ſhafts of diſappointment.</p> + +<p>Examine now yourſelf, and aſcertain +whether you can live in ſomething-like +a ſettled ſtile. Let our confidence +in future be unbounded; conſider whether +you find it neceſſary to ſacrifice +me to what you term "the zeſt of life;" +and, when you have once a clear view +of your own motives, of your own incentive +to action, do not deceive me!</p> + +<p>The train of thoughts which the<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-132_S" id="CPg_3-132_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-132.png">132</a>]</span> +writing of this epiſtle awoke, makes +me ſo wretched, that I muſt take a +walk, to rouſe and calm my mind. +But firſt, let me tell you, that, if you +really wiſh to promote my happineſs, +you will endeavour to give me as much +as you can of yourſelf. You have great +mental energy; and your judgment +ſeems to me ſo juſt, that it is only the +dupe of your inclination in diſcuſſing +one ſubject.</p> + +<p>The poſt does not go out to-day. +To-morrow I may write more tranquilly. +I cannot yet ſay when the veſſel +will ſail in which I have determined +to depart.</p> + +<hr /> + +<p class="right">Saturday Morning.</p> + +<p>Your ſecond letter reached me about +an hour ago. You were certainly<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-133_S" id="CPg_3-133_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-133.png">133</a>]</span> +wrong, in ſuppoſing that I did not mention +you with reſpect; though, without +my being conſcious of it, ſome ſparks +of reſentment may have animated the +gloom of deſpair—Yes; with leſs affection, +I ſhould have been more reſpectful. +However the regard which I +have for you, is ſo unequivocal to myſelf, +I imagine that it muſt be ſufficiently +obvious to every body elſe. Beſides, +the only letter I intended for the +public eye was to ——, and that I deſtroyed +from delicacy before you ſaw +them, becauſe it was only written (of +courſe warmly in your praiſe) to prevent +any odium being thrown on you<a name="FNanchor_133-A_20_S" id="CFNanchor_133-A_20_S"></a><a href="#CFootnote_133-A_20_S" class="fnanchor">[133-A]</a>.</p> + +<p>I am harraſſed by your embarraſſments, +and ſhall certainly uſe all my<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-134_S" id="CPg_3-134_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-134.png">134</a>]</span> +efforts, to make the buſineſs terminate +to your ſatiſfaction in which I am engaged.</p> + +<p>My friend—my deareſt friend—I feel +my fate united to yours by the moſt ſacred +principles of my ſoul, and the +yearns of—yes, I will ſay it—a true, +unſophiſticated heart.</p> + +<p class="right">Yours moſt truly                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<p>If the wind be fair, the captain +talks of ſailing on Monday; but I am +afraid I ſhall be detained ſome days +longer. At any rate, continue to write, +(I want this ſupport) till you are ſure +I am where I cannot expect a letter; +and, if any ſhould arrive after my departure, +a gentleman (not Mr. ——'s +friend, I promiſe you) from whom I<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-135_S" id="CPg_3-135_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-135.png">135</a>]</span> +have received great civilities, will ſend +them after me.</p> + +<p>Do write by every occaſion! I am +anxious to hear how your affairs go on; +and, ſtill more, to be convinced that you +are not ſeparating yourſelf from us. +For my little darling is calling papa, +and adding her parrot word—Come, +Come! And will you not come, and +let us exert ourſelves?—I ſhall recover +all my energy, when I am convinced +that my exertions will draw us more +cloſely together. One more adieu!</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-136_S" id="CPg_3-136_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-136.png">136</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER XLV</h4> + +<p class="right">Sunday, June 14.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I rather</span> expected to hear from you +to-day—I wiſh you would not fail to +write to me for a little time, becauſe I +am not quite well—Whether I have any +good ſleep or not, I wake in the morning +in violent fits of trembling—and, +in ſpite of all my efforts, the child—every +thing—fatigues me, in which I +ſeek for ſolace or amuſement.</p> + +<p>Mr. —— forced on me a letter to a +phyſician of this place; it was fortunate, +for I ſhould otherwiſe have had ſome +difficulty to obtain the neceſſary information. +His wife is a pretty woman +(I can admire, you know, a pretty wo<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-137_S" id="CPg_3-137_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-137.png">137</a>]</span>man, +when I am alone) and he an intelligent +and rather intereſting man.—They +have behaved to me with great +hoſpitality; and poor ——— was never +ſo happy in her life, as amongſt their +young brood.</p> + +<p>They took me in their carriage to +———, and I ran over my favourite +walks, with a vivacity that would have +aſtoniſhed you.—The town did not +pleaſe me quite ſo well as formerly—It +appeared ſo diminutive; and, when +I found that many of the inhabitants +had lived in the ſame houſes ever ſince +I left it, I could not help wondering +how they could thus have vegetated, +whilſt I was running over a world of +ſorrow, ſnatching at pleaſure, and +throwing off prejudices. The place +where I at preſent am, is much improved; +but it is aſtoniſhing what<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-138_S" id="CPg_3-138_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-138.png">138</a>]</span> +ſtrides ariſtocracy and fanaticiſm have +made, ſince I reſided in this country.</p> + +<p>The wind does not appear inclined +to change, ſo I am ſtill forced to linger—When +do you think that you ſhall +be able to ſet out for France? I do +not entirely like the aſpect of your affairs, +and ſtill leſs your connections on +either ſide of the water. Often do I +ſigh, when I think of your entanglements +in buſineſs, and your extreme +reſtleſſneſs of mind.—Even now I am +almoſt afraid to aſk you, whether the +pleaſure of being free, does not over-balance +the pain you felt at parting +with me? Sometimes I indulge the +hope that you will feel me neceſſary to +you—or why ſhould we meet again?—but, +the moment after, deſpair damps +my riſing ſpirits, aggravated by the<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-139_S" id="CPg_3-139_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-139.png">139</a>]</span> +emotions of tenderneſs, which ought +to ſoften the cares of life.——God +bleſs you!</p> + +<p>Yours ſincerely and affectionately</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER XLVI</h4> + +<p class="right">June 15.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I want</span> to know how you have +ſettled with reſpect to ———. In +ſhort, be very particular in your account +of all your affairs—let our confidence, +my dear, be unbounded.—The +laſt time we were ſeparated, was +a ſeparation indeed on your part—Now +you have acted more ingenuouſly<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-140_S" id="CPg_3-140_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-140.png">140</a>]</span>, +let the moſt affectionate interchange of +ſentiments fill up the aching void of +diſappointment. I almoſt dread that +your plans will prove abortive—yet +ſhould the moſt unlucky turn ſend +you home to us, convinced that a true +friend is a treaſure, I ſhould not much +mind having to ſtruggle with the world +again. Accuſe me not of pride—yet +ſometimes, when nature has opened +my heart to its author, I have wondered +that you did not ſet a higher value on +my heart.</p> + +<p>Receive a kiſs from ———, I was +going to add, if you will not take one +from me, and believe me yours</p> + +<p class="right">Sincerely                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<p>The wind ſtill continues in the ſame +quarter.</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-141_S" id="CPg_3-141_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-141.png">141</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER XLVII</h4> + +<p class="right">Tueſday Morning.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">The</span> captain has juſt ſent to inform +me, that I muſt be on board in the courſe +of a few hours.—I wiſhed to have +ſtayed till to-morrow. It would have +been a comfort to me to have received +another letter from you—Should one +arrive, it will be ſent after me.</p> + +<p>My ſpirits are agitated, I ſcarcely +know why——The quitting England +ſeems to be a freſh parting.—Surely +you will not forget me.—A thouſand +weak forebodings aſſault my ſoul, and +the ſtate of my health renders me ſenſible +to every thing. It is ſurpriſing +that in London, in a continual con<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-142_S" id="CPg_3-142_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-142.png">142</a>]</span>flict +of mind, I was ſtill growing better—whilſt +here, bowed down by the +deſpotic hand of fate, forced into reſignation +by deſpair, I ſeem to be fading +away—periſhing beneath a cruel +blight, that withers up all my faculties.</p> + +<p>The child is perfectly well. My +hand ſeems unwilling to add adieu! I +know not why this inexpreſſible ſadneſs +has taken poſſeſſion of me.—It is +not a preſentiment of ill. Yet, having +been ſo perpetually the ſport of diſappointment,—having +a heart that has +been as it were a mark for miſery, I +dread to meet wretchedneſs in ſome +new ſhape.—Well, let it come—I care +not!—what have I to dread, who have +ſo little to hope for! God bleſs you—I +am moſt affectionately and ſincerely +yours</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-143_S" id="CPg_3-143_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-143.png">143</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER XLVIII</h4> + +<p class="right">Wedneſday Morning.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I was</span> hurried on board yeſterday +about three o'clock, the wind having +changed. But before evening it veered +round to the old point; and here we +are, in the midſt of miſts and water, +only taking advantage of the tide to advance +a few miles.</p> + +<p>You will ſcarcely ſuppoſe that I left +the town with reluctance—yet it was +even ſo—for I wiſhed to receive another +letter from you, and I felt pain +at parting, for ever perhaps, from the +amiable family, who had treated me with +ſo much hoſpitality and kindneſs. They +will probably ſend me your letter, if it<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-144_S" id="CPg_3-144_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-144.png">144</a>]</span> +arrives this morning; for here we are +likely to remain, I am afraid to think +how long.</p> + +<p>The veſſel is very commodious, and +the captain a civil, open-hearted kind +of man. There being no other paſſengers, +I have the cabin to myſelf, +which is pleaſant; and I have brought +a few books with me to beguile wearineſs; +but I ſeem inclined, rather to +employ the dead moments of ſuſpence +in writing ſome effuſions, than in reading.</p> + +<p>What are you about? How are +your affairs going on? It may be a +long time before you anſwer theſe +queſtions. My dear friend, my heart +ſinks within me!—Why am I forced +thus to ſtruggle continually with my +affections and feelings?—Ah! why are +thoſe affections and feelings the ſource<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-145_S" id="CPg_3-145_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-145.png">145</a>]</span> +of ſo much miſery, when they ſeem to +have been given to vivify my heart, and +extend my uſefulneſs! But I muſt not +dwell on this ſubject.—Will you not +endeavour to cheriſh all the affection +you can for me? What am I ſaying?—Rather +forget me, if you can—if +other gratifications are dearer to you.—How +is every remembrance of mine +embittered by diſappointment? What a +world is this!—They only ſeem happy, +who never look beyond ſenſual or artificial +enjoyments.—Adieu!</p> + +<p>——— begins to play with the +cabin-boy, and is as gay as a lark.—I +will labour to be tranquil; and am in +every mood,</p> + +<p class="right">Yours ſincerely                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-146_S" id="CPg_3-146_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-146.png">146</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER XLIX</h4> + +<p class="right">Thurſday.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Here</span> I am ſtill—and I have juſt received +your letter of Monday by the +pilot, who promiſed to bring it to me, +if we were detained, as he expected, +by the wind.—It is indeed weariſome +to be thus toſſed about without going +forward.—I have a violent head-ache—yet +I am obliged to take care of +the child, who is a little tormented +by her teeth, becauſe ——— is unable +to do any thing, ſhe is rendered +ſo ſick by the motion of the ſhip, as +we ride at anchor.</p> + +<p>Theſe are however trifling inconveniences, +compared with anguiſh of +mind—compared with the ſinking of a<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-147_S" id="CPg_3-147_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-147.png">147</a>]</span> +broken heart.—To tell you the truth, I +never ſuffered in my life ſo much from +depreſſion of ſpirits—from deſpair.—I +do not ſleep—or, if I cloſe my eyes, it +is to have the moſt terrifying dreams, in +which I often meet you with different +caſts of countenance.</p> + +<p>I will not, my dear ———, torment +you by dwelling on my ſufferings—and +will uſe all my efforts to calm my mind, +inſtead of deadening it—at preſent it is +moſt painfully active. I find I am not +equal to theſe continual ſtruggles—yet +your letter this morning has afforded +me ſome comfort—and I will try to revive +hope. One thing let me tell you—when +we meet again—ſurely we are to +meet!—it muſt be to part no more. I +mean not to have ſeas between us—it +is more than I can ſupport.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-148_S" id="CPg_3-148_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-148.png">148</a>]</span> +The pilot is hurrying me—God bleſs +you.</p> + +<p>In ſpite of the commodiouſneſs of +the veſſel, every thing here would diſguſt +my ſenſes, had I nothing elſe to +think of—"When the mind's free, the +body's delicate;"—mine has been too +much hurt to regard trifles.</p> + +<p class="right">Yours moſt truly                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER L</h4> + +<p class="right">Saturday.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">This</span> is the fifth dreary day I have +been impriſoned by the wind, with +every outward object to diſguſt the +ſenſes, and unable to baniſh the remembrances +that ſadden my heart.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-149_S" id="CPg_3-149_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-149.png">149</a>]</span> +How am I altered by diſappointment!—When +going to ——, ten years +ago, the elaſticity of my mind was +ſufficient to ward off wearineſs—and +the imagination ſtill could dip her +bruſh in the rainbow of fancy, and +ſketch futurity in ſmiling colours. Now +I am going towards the North in +ſearch of ſunbeams!—Will any ever +warm this deſolated heart? All nature +ſeems to frown—or rather mourn with +me.—Every thing is cold—cold as my +expectations! Before I left the ſhore, +tormented, as I now am, by theſe +North eaſt <i>chillers</i>, I could not help +exclaiming—Give me, gracious Heaven! +at leaſt, genial weather, if I am +never to meet the genial affection that +ſtill warms this agitated boſom—compelling +life to linger there.</p> + +<p>I am now going on ſhore with the<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-150_S" id="CPg_3-150_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-150.png">150</a>]</span> +captain, though the weather be rough, +to ſeek for milk, &c. at a little village, +and to take a walk—after which I hope +to ſleep—for, confined here, ſurrounded +by diſagreeable ſmells, I have loſt +the little appetite I had; and I lie +awake, till thinking almoſt drives me +to the brink of madneſs—only to the +brink, for I never forget, even in the +feveriſh ſlumbers I ſometimes fall into, +the miſery I am labouring to blunt the +the ſenſe of, by every exertion in my +power.</p> + +<p>Poor ——— ſtill continues ſick, +and ——— grows weary when the +weather will not allow her to remain +on deck.</p> + +<p>I hope this will be the laſt letter I ſhall +write from England to you—are you +not tired of this lingering adieu?</p> + +<p class="right">Yours truly                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-151_S" id="CPg_3-151_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-151.png">151</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER LI</h4> + +<p class="right">Sunday Morning.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">The</span> captain laſt night, after I had +written my letter to you intended to +be left at a little village, offered to go +to —— to paſs to-day. We had a +troubleſome ſail—and now I muſt hurry +on board again, for the wind has +changed.</p> + +<p>I half expected to find a letter from +you here. Had you written one haphazard, +it would have been kind and +conſiderate—you might have known, +had you thought, that the wind would +not permit me to depart. Theſe are +attentions, more grateful to the heart<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-152_S" id="CPg_3-152_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-152.png">152</a>]</span> +than offers of ſervice—But why do I +fooliſhly continue to look for them?</p> + +<p>Adieu! adieu! My friend—your +friendſhip is very cold—you ſee I am +hurt.—God bleſs you! I may perhaps +be, ſome time or other, independent in +every ſenſe of the word—Ah! there +is but one ſenſe of it of conſequence. +I will break or bend this weak heart—yet +even now it is full.</p> + +<p class="right">Yours ſincerely                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<p>The child is well; I did not leave +her on board.</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-153_S" id="CPg_3-153_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-153.png">153</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER LII</h4> + +<p class="right">June 27, Saturday.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I arrived</span> in ——— this afternoon, +after vainly attempting to land +at ——. I have now but a moment, +before the poſt goes out, to inform you +we have got here; though not without +conſiderable difficulty, for we were ſet +aſhore in a boat above twenty miles +below.</p> + +<p>What I ſuffered in the veſſel I will +not now deſcant upon—nor mention +the pleaſure I received from the ſight +of the rocky coaſt.—This morning +however, walking to join the carriage +that was to tranſport us to this place,<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-154_S" id="CPg_3-154_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-154.png">154</a>]</span> +I fell, without any previous warning, +ſenſeleſs on the rocks—and how I +eſcaped with life I can ſcarcely gueſs. +I was in a ſtupour for a quarter of an +hour; the ſuffuſion of blood at laſt reſtored +me to my ſenſes—the contuſion +is great, and my brain confuſed. The +child is well.</p> + +<p>Twenty miles ride in the rain, after +my accident, has ſufficiently deranged +me—and here I could not get a fire to +warm me, or any thing warm to eat; +the inns are mere ſtables—I muſt nevertheleſs +go to bed. For God's ſake, let +me hear from you immediately, my +friend! I am not well and yet you +ſee I cannot die.</p> + +<p class="right">Yours ſincerely                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-155_S" id="CPg_3-155_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-155.png">155</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER LIII</h4> + +<p class="right">June 29.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I wrote</span> to you by the laſt poſt, to +inform you of my arrival; and I believe +I alluded to the extreme fatigue I endured +on ſhip-board, owing to ———'s +illneſs, and the roughneſs of the weather—I +likewiſe mentioned to you my +fall, the effects of which I ſtill feel, +though I do not think it will have any +ſerious conſequences.</p> + +<p>——— will go with me, if I find it +neceſſary to go to ———. The inns +here are ſo bad, I was forced to accept +of an apartment in his houſe. I am +overwhelmed with civilities on all ſides,<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-156_S" id="CPg_3-156_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-156.png">156</a>]</span> +and fatigued with the endeavours to +amuſe me, from which I cannot eſcape.</p> + +<p>My friend—my friend, I am not +well—a deadly weight of ſorrow lies +heavily on my heart. I am again toſſed +on the troubled billows of life; and +obliged to cope with difficulties, without +being buoyed up by the hopes that +alone render them bearable. "How flat, +dull, and unprofitable," appears to me +all the buſtle into which I ſee people +here ſo eagerly enter! I long every +night to go to bed, to hide my melancholy +face in my pillow; but there is +a canker-worm in my boſom that never +ſleeps.</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-157_S" id="CPg_3-157_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-157.png">157</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER LIV</h4> + +<p class="right">July 1.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I labour</span> in vain to calm my mind—my +ſoul has been overwhelmed by ſorrow +and diſappointment. Every thing +fatigues me—this is a life that cannot +laſt long. It is you who muſt determine +with reſpect to futurity—and, +when you have, I will act accordingly—I +mean, we muſt either reſolve to live +together, or part for ever, I cannot +bear theſe continual ſtruggles—But I +wiſh you to examine carefully your own +heart and mind; and, if you perceive +the leaſt chance of being happier without +me than with me, or if your incli<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-158_S" id="CPg_3-158_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-158.png">158</a>]</span>nation +leans capriciouſly to that ſide, +do not diſſemble; but tell me frankly +that you will never ſee me more. I +will then adopt the plan I mentioned +to you—for we muſt either live together, +or I will be entirely independent.</p> + +<p>My heart is ſo oppreſſed, I cannot +write with preciſion—You know however +that what I ſo imperfectly expreſs, +are not the crude ſentiments of the +moment—You can only contribute to +my comfort (it is the conſolation I am +in need of) by being with me—and, if +the tendereſt friendſhip is of any value, +why will you not look to me for a degree +of ſatiſfaction that heartleſs affections +cannot beſtow?</p> + +<p>Tell me then, will you determine to +meet me at Baſle?—I ſhall, I ſhould +imagine, be at ——— before the cloſe +of Auguſt; and, after you ſettle your<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-159_S" id="CPg_3-159_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-159.png">159</a>]</span> +affairs at Paris, could we not meet +there?</p> + +<p>God bleſs you!</p> + +<p class="right">Yours truly                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<p>Poor ——— has ſuffered during the +journey with her teeth.</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER LV</h4> + +<p class="right">July 3.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">There</span> was a gloomineſs diffuſed +through your laſt letter, the impreſſion +of which ſtill reſts on my mind—though, +recollecting how quickly you throw off +the forcible feelings of the moment, I<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-160_S" id="CPg_3-160_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-160.png">160</a>]</span> +flatter myſelf it has long ſince given +place to your uſual cheerfulneſs.</p> + +<p>Believe me (and my eyes fill with +tears of tenderneſs as I aſſure you) +there is nothing I would not endure in +the way of privation, rather than diſturb +your tranquillity.—If I am fated +to be unhappy, I will labour to hide +my ſorrows in my own boſom; and you +ſhall always find me a faithful, affectionate +friend.</p> + +<p>I grow more and more attached to +my little girl—and I cheriſh this affection +without fear, becauſe it muſt be +a long time before it can become bitterneſs +of ſoul.—She is an intereſting +creature.—On ſhip-board, how often +as I gazed at the ſea, have I longed to +bury my troubled boſom in the leſs +troubled deep; aſſerting with Brutus, +"that the virtue I had followed too<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-161_S" id="CPg_3-161_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-161.png">161</a>]</span> +far, was merely an empty name!" and +nothing but the ſight of her—her playful +ſmiles, which ſeemed to cling and +twine round my heart—could have +ſtopped me.</p> + +<p>What peculiar miſery has fallen to +my ſhare! To act up to my principles, +I have laid the ſtricteſt reſtraint +on my very thoughts—yes; not to +ſully the delicacy of my feelings, I have +reined in my imagination; and ſtarted +with affright from every ſenſation, +(I allude to ——) that ſtealing with +balmy ſweetneſs into my ſoul, led me +to ſcent from afar the fragrance of reviving +nature.</p> + +<p>My friend, I have dearly paid for +one conviction.—Love, in ſome minds, +is an affair of ſentiment, ariſing from +the ſame delicacy of perception (or +taſte) as renders them alive to the<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-162_S" id="CPg_3-162_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-162.png">162</a>]</span> +beauties of nature, poetry, &c., alive +to the charms of thoſe evaneſcent graces +that are, as it were, impalpable—they +muſt be felt, they cannot be deſcribed.</p> + +<p>Love is a want of my heart. I have +examined myſelf lately with more care +than formerly, and find, that to deaden +is not to calm the mind—Aiming at +tranquillity, I have almoſt deſtroyed all +the energy of my ſoul—almoſt rooted +out what renders it eſtimable—Yes, I +have damped that enthuſiaſm of character, +which converts the groſſeſt +materials into a fuel, that imperceptibly +feeds hopes, which aſpire above +common enjoyment. Deſpair, ſince +the birth of my child, has rendered me +ſtupid—ſoul and body ſeemed to be +fading away before the withering touch +of diſappointment.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-163_S" id="CPg_3-163_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-163.png">163</a>]</span> +I am now endeavouring to recover +myſelf—and ſuch is the elaſticity of my +conſtitution, and the purity of the atmoſphere +here, that health unſought +for, begins to reanimate my countenance.</p> + +<p>I have the ſincereſt eſteem and affection +for you—but the deſire of regaining +peace, (do you underſtand me?) +has made me forget the reſpect due to +my own emotions—ſacred emotions, +that are the ſure harbingers of the delights +I was formed to enjoy—and +ſhall enjoy, for nothing can extinguiſh +the heavenly ſpark.</p> + +<p>Still, when we meet again, I will +not torment you, I promiſe you. I +bluſh when I recollect my former conduct—and +will not in future confound +myſelf with the beings whom I feel to<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-164_S" id="CPg_3-164_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-164.png">164</a>]</span> +be my inferiors.—I will liſten to delicacy, +or pride.</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER LVI</h4> + +<p class="right">July 4.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I hope</span> to hear from you by to-morrow's +mail. My deareſt friend! I cannot +tear my affections from you—and, +though every remembrance ſtings me +to the ſoul, I think of you, till I make +allowance for the very defects of character, +that have given ſuch a cruel ſtab +to my peace.</p> + +<p>Still however I am more alive, than +you have ſeen me for a long, long time.<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-165_S" id="CPg_3-165_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-165.png">165</a>]</span> +I have a degree of vivacity, even in my +grief, which is preferable to the benumbing +ſtupour that, for the laſt year, +has frozen up all my faculties.—Perhaps +this change is more owing to returning +health, than to the vigour of +my reaſon—for, in ſpite of ſadneſs (and +ſurely I have had my ſhare), the purity +of this air, and the being continually +out in it, for I ſleep in the country every +night, has made an alteration in my +appearance that really ſurpriſes me.—The +roſy fingers of health already ſtreak +my cheeks—and I have ſeen a <i>phyſical</i> +life in my eyes, after I have been climbing +the rocks, that reſembled the fond, +credulous hopes of youth.</p> + +<p>With what a cruel ſigh have I recollected +that I had forgotten to hope!—Reaſon, +or rather experience, does not +thus cruelly damp poor ———'s plea<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-166_S" id="CPg_3-166_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-166.png">166</a>]</span>ſures; +ſhe plays all day in the garden +with ———'s children, and makes +friends for herſelf.</p> + +<p>Do not tell me, that you are happier +without us—Will you not come to us in +Switzerland? Ah, why do not you +love us with more ſentiment?—why +are you a creature of ſuch ſympathy, +that the warmth of your feelings, or +rather quickneſs of your ſenſes, hardens +your heart? It is my miſfortune, +that my imagination is perpetually +ſhading your defects, and lending you +charms, whilſt the groſſneſs of your +ſenſes makes you (call me not vain) +overlook graces in me, that only dignity +of mind, and the ſenſibility of an +expanded heart can give.—God bleſs +you! Adieu.</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-167_S" id="CPg_3-167_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-167.png">167</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER LVII</h4> + +<p class="right">July 7.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I could</span> not help feeling extremely +mortified laſt poſt, at not receiving +a letter from you. My being at ——— +was but a chance, and you might have +hazarded it; and would a year ago.</p> + +<p>I ſhall not however complain—There +are miſfortunes ſo great, as to +ſilence the uſual expreſſions of ſorrow—Believe +me, there is ſuch a thing as a +broken heart! There are characters +whoſe very energy preys upon them; +and who, ever inclined to cheriſh by +reflection ſome paſſion, cannot reſt ſatiſfied +with the common comforts of<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-168_S" id="CPg_3-168_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-168.png">168</a>]</span> +life. I have endeavoured to fly from +myſelf, and launched into all the diſſipation +poſſible here, only to feel keener +anguiſh, when alone with my child.</p> + +<p>Still, could any thing pleaſe me—had +not diſappointment cut me off +from life, this romantic country, theſe +fine evenings, would intereſt me.—My +God! can any thing? and am I ever +to feel alive only to painful ſenſations?—But +it cannot—it ſhall not laſt +long.</p> + +<p>The poſt is again arrived; I have +ſent to ſeek for letters, only to be +wounded to the ſoul by a negative.—My +brain ſeems on fire, I muſt go into +the air.</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-169_S" id="CPg_3-169_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-169.png">169</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER LVIII</h4> + +<p class="right">July 14.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I am</span> now on my journey to ———. +I felt more at leaving my child, than I +thought I ſhould—and, whilſt at night +I imagined every inſtant that I heard +the half-formed ſounds of her voice,—I +aſked myſelf how I could think of +parting with her for ever, of leaving +her thus helpleſs?</p> + +<p>Poor lamb! It may run very well +in a tale, that "God will temper the +winds to the ſhorn lamb!" but how +can I expect that ſhe will be ſhielded, +when my naked boſom has had to +brave continually the pitileſs ſtorm?<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-170_S" id="CPg_3-170_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-170.png">170</a>]</span> +Yes; I could add, with poor Lear—What +is the war of elements to the +pangs of diſappointed affection, and +the horror ariſing from a diſcovery of +a breach of confidence, that ſnaps every +ſocial tie!</p> + +<p>All is not right ſomewhere!—When +you firſt knew me, I was not thus loſt. +I could ſtill confide—for I opened my +heart to you—of this only comfort you +have deprived me, whilſt my happineſs, +you tell me, was your firſt object. +Strange want of judgment!</p> + +<p>I will not complain; but, from the +ſoundneſs of your underſtanding, I am +convinced, if you give yourſelf leave to +reflect, you will alſo feel, that your +conduct to me, ſo far from being generous, +has not been juſt.—I mean not +to allude to factitious principles of +morality; but to the ſimple baſis of all<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-171_S" id="CPg_3-171_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-171.png">171</a>]</span> +rectitude.—However I did not intend +to argue—Your not writing is cruel—and +my reaſon is perhaps diſturbed +by conſtant wretchedneſs.</p> + +<p>Poor ——— would fain have accompanied +me, out of tenderneſs; for +my fainting, or rather convulſion, +when I landed, and my ſudden changes +of countenance ſince, have alarmed +her ſo much, that ſhe is perpetually +afraid of ſome accident—But it would +have injured the child this warm ſeaſon, +as ſhe is cutting her teeth.</p> + +<p>I hear not of your having written to +me at ——. Very well! Act as you +pleaſe—there is nothing I fear or care +for! When I ſee whether I can, or +cannot obtain the money I am come +here about, I will not trouble you +with letters to which you do not reply.</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-172_S" id="CPg_3-172_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-172.png">172</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER LIX</h4> + +<p class="right">July 18.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I am</span> here in ——, ſeparated +from my child—and here I muſt remain +a month at leaſt, or I might as well +never have come.</p> + +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> + +<p>I have begun ———— which will, +I hope, diſcharge all my obligations +of a pecuniary kind.—I am lowered in +my own eyes, on account of my not +having done it ſooner.</p> + +<p>I ſhall make no further comments on +your ſilence. God bleſs you!</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-173_S" id="CPg_3-173_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-173.png">173</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER LX</h4> + +<p class="right">July 30.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I have</span> juſt received two of your +letters, dated the 26th and 30th of June; +and you muſt have received ſeveral +from me, informing you of my detention, +and how much I was hurt by +your ſilence.</p> + +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> + +<p>Write to me then, my friend, and +write explicitly. I have ſuffered, God +knows, ſince I left you. Ah! you have +never felt this kind of ſickneſs of heart!—My +mind however is at preſent +painfully active, and the ſympathy I<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-174_S" id="CPg_3-174_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-174.png">174</a>]</span> +feel almoſt riſes to agony. But this is +not a ſubject of complaint, it has afforded +me pleaſure,—and reflected +pleaſure is all I have to hope for—if a +ſpark of hope be yet alive in my forlorn +boſom.</p> + +<p>I will try to write with a degree of +compoſure. I wiſh for us to live together, +becauſe I want you to acquire an +habitual tenderneſs for my poor girl. +I cannot bear to think of leaving her +alone in the world, or that ſhe ſhould +only be protected by your ſenſe of duty. +Next to preſerving her, my moſt earneſt +wiſh is not to diſturb your peace. I +have nothing to expect, and little to +fear, in life—There are wounds that +can never be healed—but they may be +allowed to feſter in ſilence without +wincing.</p> + +<p>When we meet again, you ſhall be<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-175_S" id="CPg_3-175_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-175.png">175</a>]</span> +convinced that I have more reſolution +than you give me credit for. I will not +torment you. If I am deſtined always +to be diſappointed and unhappy, I will +conceal the anguiſh I cannot diſſipate; +and the tightened cord of life or reaſon +will at laſt ſnap, and ſet me free.</p> + +<p>Yes; I ſhall be happy—This heart is +worthy of the bliſs its feelings anticipate—and +I cannot even perſuade myſelf, +wretched as they have made me, +that my principles and ſentiments are +not founded in nature and truth. But +to have done with theſe ſubjects.</p> + +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> + +<p>I have been ſeriouſly employed in this +way ſince I came to ——; yet I never +was ſo much in the air.—I walk, I ride +on horſeback—row, bathe, and even<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-176_S" id="CPg_3-176_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-176.png">176</a>]</span> +ſleep in the fields; my health is conſequently +improved. The child, ——— +informs me, is well. I long to be with +her.</p> + +<p>Write to me immediately—were I +only to think of myſelf, I could wiſh +you to return to me, poor, with the ſimplicity +of character, part of which you +ſeem lately to have loſt, that firſt attached +to you.</p> + +<p class="right">Yours moſt affectionately            </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *    * * * * *</p> + +<p>I have been ſubſcribing other letters—ſo +I mechanically did the ſame to +yours.</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-177_S" id="CPg_3-177_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-177.png">177</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER LXI</h4> + +<p class="right">Auguſt 5.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Employment</span> and exerciſe have +been of great ſervice to me; and I have +entirely recovered the ſtrength and activity +I loſt during the time of my nurſing. +I have ſeldom been in better +health; and my mind, though trembling +to the touch of anguiſh, is calmer—yet +ſtill the ſame.—I have, it is true, +enjoyed ſome tranquillity, and more happineſs +here, than for a long—long +time paſt.—(I ſay happineſs, for I can +give no other appellation to the exquiſite +delight this wild country and fine +ſummer have afforded me.)—Still, on examining +my heart, I find that it is ſo<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-178_S" id="CPg_3-178_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-178.png">178</a>]</span> +conſtituted, I cannot live without ſome +particular affection—I am afraid not +without a paſſion—and I feel the want +of it more in ſociety, than in ſolitude—</p> + +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> + +<p>Writing to you, whenever an affectionate +epithet occurs—my eyes fill +with tears, and my trembling hand +ſtops—you may then depend on my reſolution, +when with you. If I am +doomed to be unhappy, I will confine +my anguiſh in my own boſom—tenderneſs, +rather than paſſion, has made me +ſometimes overlook delicacy—the ſame +tenderneſs will in future reſtrain me. +God bleſs you!</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-179_S" id="CPg_3-179_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-179.png">179</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER LXII</h4> + +<p class="right">Auguſt 7.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Air</span>, exerciſe, and bathing, have +reſtored me to health, braced my muſcles, +and covered my ribs, even whilſt +I have recovered my former activity.—I +cannot tell you that my mind is calm, +though I have ſnatched ſome moments +of exquiſite delight, wandering through +the woods, and reſting on the rocks.</p> + +<p>This ſtate of ſuſpenſe, my friend, is +intolerable; we muſt determine on +ſomething—and ſoon;—we muſt meet +ſhortly, or part for ever. I am ſenſible +that I acted fooliſhly—but I was +wretched—when we were together—Expecting +too much, I let the pleaſure<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-180_S" id="CPg_3-180_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-180.png">180</a>]</span> +I might have caught, ſlip from me. I +cannot live with you—I ought not—if +you form another attachment. But I +promiſe you, mine ſhall not be intruded +on you. Little reaſon have I to expect +a ſhadow of happineſs, after the cruel +diſappointments that have rent my +heart; but that of my child ſeems to +depend on our being together. Still I +do not wiſh you to ſacrifice a chance of +enjoyment for an uncertain good. I +feel a conviction, that I can provide +for her, and it ſhall be my object—if +we are indeed to part to meet no more. +Her affection muſt not be divided. She +muſt be a comfort to me—if I am to +have no other—and only know me as +her ſupport.—I feel that I cannot endure +the anguiſh of correſponding +with you—if we are only to correſpond.—No; +if you ſeek for happi<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-181_S" id="CPg_3-181_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-181.png">181</a>]</span>neſs +elſewhere, my letters ſhall not interrupt +your repoſe. I will be dead to +you. I cannot expreſs to you what +pain it gives me to write about an eternal +ſeparation.—You muſt determine—examine +yourſelf—But, for God's ſake! +ſpare me the anxiety of uncertainty!—I +may ſink under the trial; but I will +not complain.</p> + +<p>Adieu! If I had any thing more to +ſay to you, it is all flown, and abſorbed +by the moſt tormenting apprehenſions, +yet I ſcarcely know what new form of +miſery I have to dread.</p> + +<p>I ought to beg your pardon for having +ſometimes written peeviſhly; but +you will impute it to affection, if you +underſtand any thing of the heart of</p> + +<p class="right">Yours truly                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-182_S" id="CPg_3-182_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-182.png">182</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER LXIII</h4> + +<p class="right">Auguſt 9.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Five</span> of your letters have been ſent +after me from ——. One, dated the +14th of July, was written in a ſtyle +which I may have merited, but did +not expect from you. However this +is not a time to reply to it, except to +aſſure you that you ſhall not be tormented +with any more complaints. I +am diſguſted with myſelf for having ſo +long importuned you with my affection.——</p> + +<p>My child is very well. We ſhall ſoon +meet, to part no more, I hope—I mean, +I and my girl.—I ſhall wait with ſome<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-183_S" id="CPg_3-183_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-183.png">183</a>]</span> +degree of anxiety till I am informed +how your affairs terminate.</p> + +<p class="right">Yours ſincerely                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER LXIV</h4> + +<p class="right">Auguſt 26.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I arrived</span> here laſt night, and with +the moſt exquiſite delight, once more +preſſed my babe to my heart. We +ſhall part no more. You perhaps cannot +conceive the pleaſure it gave me, to +ſee her run about, and play alone. Her +increaſing intelligence attaches me more +and more to her. I have promiſed her that +I will fulfil my duty to her; and nothing<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-184_S" id="CPg_3-184_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-184.png">184</a>]</span> +in future ſhall make me forget it. I +will alſo exert myſelf to obtain an independence +for her; but I will not be +too anxious on this head.</p> + +<p>I have already told you, that I have +recovered my health. Vigour, and +even vivacity of mind, have returned +with a renovated conſtitution. As for +peace, we will not talk of it. I was +not made, perhaps, to enjoy the calm +contentment ſo termed.—</p> + +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> + +<p>You tell me that my letters torture +you; I will not deſcribe the effect +yours have on me. I received +three this morning, the laſt dated the +7th of this month. I mean not to give +vent to the emotions they produced.<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-185_S" id="CPg_3-185_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-185.png">185</a>]</span>—Certainly +you are right; our minds are +not congenial. I have lived in an ideal +world, and foſtered ſentiments that you +do not comprehend—or you would not +treat me thus. I am not, I will not +be, merely an object of compaſſion—a +clog, however light, to teize you. Forget +that I exiſt: I will never remind +you. Something emphatical whiſpers +me to put an end to theſe ſtruggles. +Be free—I will not torment, when I +cannot pleaſe. I can take care of my +child; you need not continually tell me +that our fortune is inſeparable, <i>that you +will try to cheriſh tenderneſs</i> for me. Do +no violence to yourſelf! When we are +ſeparated, our intereſt, ſince you give +ſo much weight to pecuniary conſiderations, +will be entirely divided. I want +not protection without affection; and +ſupport I need not, whilſt my faculties<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-186_S" id="CPg_3-186_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-186.png">186</a>]</span> +are undiſturbed. I had a diſlike to living +in England; but painful feelings +muſt give way to ſuperior conſiderations. +I may not be able to acquire +the ſum neceſſary to maintain my child +and ſelf elſewhere. It is too late to go to +Switzerland. I ſhall not remain at ——, +living expenſively. But be not alarmed! +I ſhall not force myſelf on you any +more.</p> + +<p>Adieu! I am agitated—my whole +frame is convulſed—my lips tremble, +as if ſhook by cold, though fire ſeems to +be circulating in my veins.</p> + +<p>God bleſs you.</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-187_S" id="CPg_3-187_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-187.png">187</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER LXV</h4> + +<p class="right">September 6.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I received</span> juſt now your letter of the +20th. I had written you a letter laſt +night, into which imperceptibly ſlipt +ſome of my bitterneſs of ſoul. I will +copy the part relative to buſineſs. I +am not ſufficiently vain to imagine that +I can, for more than a moment, cloud +your enjoyment of life—to prevent +even that, you had better never hear +from me—and repoſe on the idea that +I am happy.</p> + +<p>Gracious God! It is impoſſible for +me to ſtifle ſomething like reſentment, +when I receive freſh proofs of your in<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-188_S" id="CPg_3-188_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-188.png">188</a>]</span>difference. +What I have ſuffered this +laſt year, is not to be forgotten! I +have not that happy ſubſtitute for wiſdom, +inſenſibility—and the lively ſympathies +which bind me to my fellow-creatures, +are all of a painful kind.—They +are the agonies of a broken heart—pleaſure +and I have ſhaken hands.</p> + +<p>I ſee here nothing but heaps of ruins, +and only converſe with people immerſed +in trade and ſenſuality.</p> + +<p>I am weary of travelling—yet ſeem +to have no home—no reſting place to +look to.—I am ſtrangely caſt off.—How +often, paſſing through the rocks, I have +thought, "But for this child, I would +lay my head on one of them, and never +open my eyes again!" With a heart +feelingly alive to all the affections of +my nature—I have never met with one, +ſofter than the ſtone that I would fain<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-189_S" id="CPg_3-189_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-189.png">189</a>]</span> +take for my laſt pillow. I once thought +I had, but it was all a deluſion. I meet +with families continually, who are +bound together by affection or principle—and, +when I am conſcious that I +have fulfilled the duties of my ſtation, +almoſt to a forgetfulneſs of myſelf, I +am ready to demand, in a murmuring +tone, of Heaven, "Why am I thus +abandoned?"</p> + +<p>You ſay now    —    —    —</p> + +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> + +<p>I do not underſtand you. It is neceſſary +for you to write more explicitly—and +determine on ſome mode of conduct.—I +cannot endure this ſuſpenſe—Decide—Do +you fear to ſtrike another +blow? We live together, or eternally +part!—I ſhall not write to you again, +till I receive an anſwer to this. I muſt<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-190_S" id="CPg_3-190_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-190.png">190</a>]</span> +compoſe my tortured ſoul, before I +write on indifferent ſubjects.    —    —</p> + +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> + +<p>I do not know whether I write intelligibly, +for my head is diſturbed.—But this +you ought to pardon—for it is with difficulty +frequently that I make out what +you mean to ſay—You write, I ſuppoſe, +at Mr. ——'s after dinner, when your +head is not the cleareſt—and as for your +heart, if you have one, I ſee nothing +like the dictates of affection, unleſs a +glimpſe when you mention, the child.—Adieu!</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-191_S" id="CPg_3-191_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-191.png">191</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER LXVI</h4> + +<p class="right">September 25.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I have</span> juſt finiſhed a letter, to be +given in charge to captain ———. +In that I complained of your ſilence, +and expreſſed my ſurpriſe that three +mails ſhould have arrived without +bringing a line for me. Since I +cloſed it, I hear of another, and ſtill +no letter.—I am labouring to write +calmly—this ſilence is a refinement on +cruelty. Had captain ——— remained +a few days longer, I would have +returned with him to England. What +have I to do here? I have repeatedly<span class='pagenum'><a name="CPg_3-192_S" id="CPg_3-192_S"></a>[<a href="images/v3-192.png">192</a>]</span> +written to you fully. Do you do the +ſame—and quickly. Do not leave me +in ſuſpenſe. I have not deſerved this +of you. I cannot write, my mind is +ſo diſtreſſed. Adieu!</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + + +<h4>END VOL. III.</h4> + +<div class="footnotes"><h3>FOOTNOTES:</h3> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_4-A_12_S" id="CFootnote_4-A_12_S"></a><a href="#CFNanchor_4-A_12_S"><span class="label">[4-A]</span></a> The child is in a ſubſequent letter called the +"barrier girl," probably from a ſuppoſition that +ſhe owed her exiſtence to this interview. +</p><p class="right"><span class="smcap">editor.</span></p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_7-A_13_S" id="CFootnote_7-A_13_S"></a><a href="#CFNanchor_7-A_13_S"><span class="label">[7-A]</span></a> This and the thirteen following letters appear +to have been written during a ſeparation of ſeveral +months; the date, Paris.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_27-A_14_S" id="CFootnote_27-A_14_S"></a><a href="#CFNanchor_27-A_14_S"><span class="label">[27-A]</span></a> Some further letters, written during the remainder +of the week, in a ſimilar ſtrain to the +preceding, appear to have been deſtroyed by the +perſon to whom they were addreſſed.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_47-A_15_S" id="CFootnote_47-A_15_S"></a><a href="#CFNanchor_47-A_15_S"><span class="label">[47-A]</span></a> The child ſpoken of in ſome preceding letters, +had now been born a conſiderable time.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_50-A_16_S" id="CFootnote_50-A_16_S"></a><a href="#CFNanchor_50-A_16_S"><span class="label">[50-A]</span></a> She means, "the latter more than the former." +</p><p class="right"><span class="smcap">editor.</span></p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_58-A_17_S" id="CFootnote_58-A_17_S"></a><a href="#CFNanchor_58-A_17_S"><span class="label">[58-A]</span></a> This is the firſt of a ſeries of letters written +during a ſeparation of many months, to which no +cordial meeting ever ſucceeded. They were ſent +from Paris, and bear the addreſs of London.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_91-A_18_S" id="CFootnote_91-A_18_S"></a><a href="#CFNanchor_91-A_18_S"><span class="label">[91-A]</span></a> The perſon to whom the letters are addreſſed, +was about this time at Ramſgate, on his return, +as he profeſſed, to Paris, when he was recalled, +as it ſhould ſeem, to London, by the further preſſure +of buſineſs now accumulated upon him.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_100-A_19_S" id="CFootnote_100-A_19_S"></a><a href="#CFNanchor_100-A_19_S"><span class="label">[100-A]</span></a> This probably alludes to ſome expreſſion of +the perſon to whom the letters are addreſſed, in +which he treated as common evils, things upon +which the letter writer was diſpoſed to beſtow a +different appellation. +</p><p class="right"><span class="smcap">editor.</span></p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_133-A_20_S" id="CFootnote_133-A_20_S"></a><a href="#CFNanchor_133-A_20_S"><span class="label">[133-A]</span></a> This paſſage refers to letters written under +a purpoſe of ſuicide, and not intended to be +opened till after the cataſtrophe.</p></div> +</div> + + + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-i" id="DPg_4-i"></a>[<a href="images/v4-i.png">i</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-ii" id="DPg_4-ii"></a>[<a href="images/v4-ii.png">ii</a>]</span></p> + +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h1><a name="V4" id="V4"></a>POSTHUMOUS WORKS</h1> +<h3>OF THE</h3> + +<h1>AUTHOR</h1> + +<h3>OF A</h3> + +<h2>VINDICATION OF THE RIGHTS OF WOMAN.</h2> +<p> </p> +<h2>IN FOUR VOLUMES.</h2> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<hr /> +<p> </p> +<h1>VOL. IV.</h1> +<p> </p> +<hr /> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h4><i>LONDON:</i></h4> + +<h5>PRINTED FOR J. JOHNSON, NO. 72, ST. PAUL'S<br /> + CHURCH-YARD; AND G. G. AND J. ROBINSON,<br /> + PATERNOSTER-ROW.<br /> + 1798.</h5> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-iii" id="DPg_4-iii"></a>[<a href="images/v4-iii.png">iii</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-iv" id="DPg_4-iv"></a>[<a href="images/v4-iv.png">iv</a>]</span></p> +<hr class="full" /> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h1>LETTERS</h1> +<h3>AND</h3> +<h1>MISCELLANEOUS PIECES.</h1> + +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h2>IN TWO VOLUMES.</h2> +<p> </p> +<hr /> +<p> </p> +<h1>VOL. II.</h1> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-v" id="DPg_4-v"></a>[<a href="images/v4-v.png">v</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-vi" id="DPg_4-vi"></a>[<a href="images/v4-vi.png">vi</a>]</span></p> +<h2><a name="DV4_ERRATA" id="DV4_ERRATA"></a>ERRATA.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>Page 10, line 8, <i>for</i> I write you, <i>read</i> I write to you.</p> +<p>—— 20, — 9, <i>read</i> bring them to ——.</p> +<p>—— 146, — 2 from the bottom, after over, insert a comma.</p></div> +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-vii" id="DPg_4-vii"></a>[<a href="images/v4-vii.png">vii</a>]</span></p> + +<h2><a name="DV4_CONTENTS" id="DV4_CONTENTS"></a>CONTENTS.</h2> + +<div class='centered'> +<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="Vol IV Contents"> +<tr><td align='left'> </td><td align='right'>Page</td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>Letters</td><td align='right'><a href="#DPg_4-1">1</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>Letter on the Present Character of the French Nation</td><td align='right'><a href="#DPg_4-39">39</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>Fragment of Letters on the Management of Infants</td><td align='right'><a href="#DPg_4-55">55</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>Letters to Mr. Johnson</td><td align='right'><a href="#DPg_4-61">61</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>Extract of the Cave of Fancy, a Tale</td><td align='right'><a href="#DPg_4-99">99</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>On Poetry and our Relish for the Beauties of Nature</td><td align='right'><a href="#DPg_4-159">159</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>Hints</td><td align='right'><a href="#DPg_4-179">179</a></td></tr> +</table></div> +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-1" id="DPg_4-1"></a>[<a href="images/v4-1.png">1</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h2><a name="DV4_LETTERS" id="DV4_LETTERS"></a>LETTERS.</h2> + + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER LXVII</h4> + +<p class="right">September 27.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">When</span> you receive this, I shall either +have landed, or be hovering on +the British coast—your letter of the 18th +decided me.</p> + +<p>By what criterion of principle or affection, +you term my questions extraordinary +and unnecessary, I cannot determine.—You +desire me to decide—I<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-2" id="DPg_4-2"></a>[<a href="images/v4-2.png">2</a>]</span> +had decided. You must have had long +ago two letters of mine, from ———, +to the same purport, to consider.—In +these, God knows! there was but too +much affection, and the agonies of a +distracted mind were but too faithfully +pourtrayed!—What more then had +I to say?—The negative was to come +from you.—You had perpetually recurred +to your promise of meeting me +in the autumn—Was it extraordinary +that I should demand a yes, or no?—Your +letter is written with extreme +harshness, coldness I am accustomed +to, in it I find not a trace of the tenderness +of humanity, much less of friendship.—I +only see a desire to heave a +load off your shoulders.</p> + +<p>I am above disputing about words.—It +matters not in what terms you decide.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-3" id="DPg_4-3"></a>[<a href="images/v4-3.png">3</a>]</span> +The tremendous power who formed +this heart, must have foreseen that, in +a world in which self-interest, in various +shapes, is the principal mobile, I +had little chance of escaping misery.—To +the fiat of fate I submit.—I am content +to be wretched; but I will not be +contemptible.—Of me you have no +cause to complain, but for having had +too much regard for you—for having +expected a degree of permanent happiness, +when you only sought for a +momentary gratification.</p> + +<p>I am strangely deficient in sagacity.—Uniting +myself to you, your tenderness +seemed to make me amends for all my +former misfortunes.—On this tenderness +and affection with what confidence +did I rest!—but I leaned on a spear, that +has pierced me to the heart.—You +have thrown off a faithful friend, to<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-4" id="DPg_4-4"></a>[<a href="images/v4-4.png">4</a>]</span> +pursue the caprices of the moment.—We +certainly are differently organized; +for even now, when conviction has +been stamped on my soul by sorrow, I +can scarcely believe it possible. It depends +at present on you, whether you +will see me or not.—I shall take no +step, till I see or hear from you.</p> + +<p>Preparing myself for the worst—I +have determined, if your next letter be +like the last, to write to Mr. ——— +to procure me an obscure lodging, and +not to inform any body of my arrival.—There +I will endeavour in a few months +to obtain the sum necessary to take me +to France—from you I will not receive +any more.—I am not yet sufficiently +humbled to depend on your beneficence.</p> + +<p>Some people, whom my unhappiness +has interested, though they know<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-5" id="DPg_4-5"></a>[<a href="images/v4-5.png">5</a>]</span> +not the extent of it, will assist me to +attain the object I have in view, the +independence of my child. Should a +peace take place, ready money will go +a great way in France—and I will borrow +a sum, which my industry <i>shall</i> +enable me to pay at my leisure, to purchase +a small estate for my girl.—The +assistance I shall find necessary to complete +her education, I can get at an +easy rate at Paris—I can introduce her +to such society as she will like—and +thus, securing for her all the chance +for happiness, which depends on me, I +shall die in peace, persuaded that the +felicity which has hitherto cheated +my expectation, will not always elude +my grasp. No poor tempest-tossed +mariner ever more earnestly longed to +arrive at his port.</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-6" id="DPg_4-6"></a>[<a href="images/v4-6.png">6</a>]</span></p> +<p>I shall not come up in the vessel all +the way, because I have no place to go +to. Captain ——— will inform you +where I am. It is needless to add, that +I am not in a state of mind to bear suspense—and +that I wish to see you, +though it be for the last time.</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER LXVIII</h4> + +<p class="right">Sunday, October 4.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I wrote</span> to you by the packet, to +inform you, that your letter of the 18th +of last month, had determined me to +set out with captain ———; but, as +we sailed very quick, I take it for +granted, that you have not yet received +it.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-7" id="DPg_4-7"></a>[<a href="images/v4-7.png">7</a>]</span> +You say, I must decide for myself.—I +had decided, that it was most for the +interest of my little girl, and for my +own comfort, little as I expect, for us +to live together; and I even thought +that you would be glad, some years +hence, when the tumult of business was +over, to repose in the society of an affectionate +friend, and mark the progress +of our interesting child, whilst endeavouring +to be of use in the circle you +at last resolved to rest in; for you cannot +run about for ever.</p> + +<p>From the tenour of your last letter +however, I am led to imagine, that you +have formed some new attachment.—If +it be so, let me earnestly request you +to see me once more, and immediately. +This is the only proof I require of the +friendship you profess for me. I will<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-8" id="DPg_4-8"></a>[<a href="images/v4-8.png">8</a>]</span> +then decide, since you boggle about a +mere form.</p> + +<p>I am labouring to write with calmness—but +the extreme anguish I feel, +at landing without having any friend +to receive me, and even to be conscious +that the friend whom I most wish +to see, will feel a disagreeable sensation +at being informed of my arrival, does +not come under the description of common +misery. Every emotion yields to +an overwhelming flood of sorrow—and +the playfulness of my child distresses +me.—On her account, I wished +to remain a few days here, comfortless +as is my situation.—Besides, I did not +wish to surprise you. You have told +me, that you would make any sacrifice +to promote my happiness—and, even in +your last unkind letter, you talk of the +ties which bind you to me and my<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-9" id="DPg_4-9"></a>[<a href="images/v4-9.png">9</a>]</span> +child.—Tell me, that you wish it, and +I will cut this Gordian knot.</p> + +<p>I now most earnestly intreat you to +write to me, without fail, by the return +of the post. Direct your letter to +be left at the post-office, and tell me +whether you will come to me here, or +where you will meet me. I can receive +your letter on Wednesday morning.</p> + +<p>Do not keep me in suspense.—I expect +nothing from you, or any human +being: my die is cast!—I have fortitude +enough to determine to do my +duty; yet I cannot raise my depressed +spirits, or calm my trembling heart.—That +being who moulded it thus, +knows that I am unable to tear up by +the roots the propensity to affection +which has been the torment of my life—but +life will have an end!</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-10" id="DPg_4-10"></a>[<a href="images/v4-10.png">10</a>]</span> +Should you come here (a few months +ago I could not have doubted it) you +will find me at ———. If you prefer +meeting me on the road, tell me where.</p> + +<p class="right">Yours affectionately                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER LXIX</h4> + +<p><span class="smcap">I write</span> you now on my knees; imploring +you to send my child and the +maid with ——, to Paris, to be consigned +to the care of Madame ——, rue +——, section de ——. Should they be +removed, —— can give their direction.</p> + +<p>Let the maid have all my clothes, +without distinction.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-11" id="DPg_4-11"></a>[<a href="images/v4-11.png">11</a>]</span> +Pray pay the cook her wages, and do +not mention the confession which I +forced from her—a little sooner or later +is of no consequence. Nothing but +my extreme stupidity could have rendered +me blind so long. Yet, whilst +you assured me that you had no attachment, +I thought we might still +have lived together.</p> + +<p>I shall make no comments on your +conduct; or any appeal to the world. +Let my wrongs sleep with me! Soon, +very soon shall I be at peace. When +you receive this, my burning head will +be cold.</p> + +<p>I would encounter a thousand deaths, +rather than a night like the last. Your +treatment has thrown my mind into a +state of chaos; yet I am serene. I go +to find comfort, and my only fear is, +that my poor body will be insulted by<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-12" id="DPg_4-12"></a>[<a href="images/v4-12.png">12</a>]</span> +an endeavour to recal my hated existence. +But I shall plunge into the +Thames where there is the least chance +of my being snatched from the death I +seek.</p> + +<p>God bless you! May you never know +by experience what you have made me +endure. Should your sensibility ever +awake, remorse will find its way to your +heart; and, in the midst of business and +sensual pleasure, I shall appear before +you, the victim of your deviation from +rectitude.</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-13" id="DPg_4-13"></a>[<a href="images/v4-13.png">13</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER LXX</h4> + +<p class="right">Sunday Morning.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I have</span> only to lament, that, when +the bitterness of death was past, I was +inhumanly brought back to life and +misery. But a fixed determination is +not to be baffled by disappointment; +nor will I allow that to be a frantic attempt, +which was one of the calmest +acts of reason. In this respect, I am +only accountable to myself. Did I +care for what is termed reputation, it +is by other circumstances that I should +be dishonoured.</p> + +<p>You say, "that you know not how to +extricate ourselves out of the wretchedness +into which we have been plunged."<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-14" id="DPg_4-14"></a>[<a href="images/v4-14.png">14</a>]</span> +You are extricated long since.—But I +forbear to comment.——If I am condemned +to live longer, it is a living +death.</p> + +<p>It appears to me, that you lay much +more stress on delicacy, than on principle; +for I am unable to discover what +sentiment of delicacy would have been +violated, by your visiting a wretched +friend—if indeed you have any friendship +for me.—But since your new attachment +is the only thing sacred in +your eyes, I am silent—Be happy! My +complaints shall never more damp your +enjoyment—perhaps I am mistaken in +supposing that even my death could, for +more than a moment.—This is what +you call magnanimity—It is happy for +yourself, that you possess this quality in +the highest degree.</p> + +<p>Your continually asserting, that you<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-15" id="DPg_4-15"></a>[<a href="images/v4-15.png">15</a>]</span> +will do all in your power to contribute +to my comfort (when you only allude +to pecuniary assistance), appears to me +a flagrant breach of delicacy.—I want +not such vulgar comfort, nor will I +accept it. I never wanted but your +heart—That gone, you have nothing +more to give. Had I only poverty to +fear, I should not shrink from life.—Forgive +me then, if I say, that I shall +consider any direct or indirect attempt +to supply my necessities, as an insult +which I have not merited—and as +rather done out of tenderness for your +own reputation, than for me. Do not +mistake me; I do not think that you +value money (therefore I will not accept +what you do not care for) +though I do much less, because certain +privations are not painful to me.<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-16" id="DPg_4-16"></a>[<a href="images/v4-16.png">16</a>]</span> +When I am dead, respect for yourself +will make you take care of the child.</p> + +<p>I write with difficulty—probably I +shall never write to you again.—Adieu!</p> + +<p>God bless you!</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER LXXI</h4> + +<p class="right">Monday Morning.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I am</span> compelled at last to say that +you treat me ungenerously. I agree +with you, that</p> + +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-17" id="DPg_4-17"></a>[<a href="images/v4-17.png">17</a>]</span></p> +<p>But let the obliquity now fall on me.—I +fear neither poverty nor infamy. I am +unequal to the task of writing—and +explanations are not necessary.</p> + +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> + +<p>My child may have to blush for her +mother's want of prudence—and may +lament that the rectitude of my heart +made me above vulgar precautions; +but she shall not despise me for meanness.—You +are now perfectly free.—God +bless you.</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-18" id="DPg_4-18"></a>[<a href="images/v4-18.png">18</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER LXXIII</h4> + +<p class="right">Saturday Night.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I have</span> been hurt by indirect enquiries, +which appear to me not to be +dictated by any tenderness to me.—You +ask "If I am well or tranquil?"—They +who think me so, must want a heart to +estimate my feelings by.—I chuse +then to be the organ of my own sentiments.</p> + +<p>I must tell you, that I am very much +mortified by your continually offering +me pecuniary assistance—and, considering +your going to the new house, as an +open avowal that you abandon me, let<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-19" id="DPg_4-19"></a>[<a href="images/v4-19.png">19</a>]</span> +me tell you that I will sooner perish +than receive any thing from you—and +I say this at the moment when I am +disappointed in my first attempt to obtain +a temporary supply. But this +even pleases me; an accumulation of +disappointments and misfortunes seems +to suit the habit of my mind.—</p> + +<p>Have but a little patience, and I will +remove myself where it will not be +necessary for you to talk—of course, +not to think of me. But let me see, +written by yourself—for I will not receive +it through any other medium—that +the affair is finished.—It is an insult +to me to suppose, that I can be reconciled, +or recover my spirits; but, +if you hear nothing of me, it will be +the same thing to you.</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-20" id="DPg_4-20"></a>[<a href="images/v4-20.png">20</a>]</span></p> +<p>Even your seeing me, has been to +oblige other people, and not to sooth +my distracted mind.</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER LXXIV</h4> + +<p class="right">Thursday Afternoon.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mr.</span> ——— having forgot to desire +you to send the things of mine which +were left at the house, I have to request +you to let ——— bring them onto +———.</p> + +<p>I shall go this evening to the lodging; +so you need not be restrained from +coming here to transact your business.—And, +whatever I may think, and feel<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-21" id="DPg_4-21"></a>[<a href="images/v4-21.png">21</a>]</span>—you +need not fear that I shall publicly +complain—No! If I have any criterion +to judge of right and wrong, I have +been most ungenerously treated: but, +wishing now only to hide myself, I shall +be silent as the grave in which I long +to forget myself. I shall protect and +provide for my child.—I only mean by +this to say, that you having nothing +to fear from my desperation.</p> + +<p class="right">Farewel.        </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-22" id="DPg_4-22"></a>[<a href="images/v4-22.png">22</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER LXXV</h4> + +<p class="right">London, November 27.</p> + + +<p><span class="smcap">The</span> letter, without an address, +which you put up with the letters you +returned, did not meet my eyes till +just now.—I had thrown the letters +aside—I did not wish to look over a +register of sorrow.</p> + +<p>My not having seen it, will account +for my having written to you with +anger—under the impression your departure, +without even a line left for me, +made on me, even after your late conduct, +which could not lead me to expect +much attention to my sufferings.</p> + +<p>In fact, "the decided conduct, which<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-23" id="DPg_4-23"></a>[<a href="images/v4-23.png">23</a>]</span> +appeared to me so unfeeling," has almost +overturned my reason; my mind +is injured—I scarcely know where I +am, or what I do.—The grief I cannot +conquer (for some cruel recollections +never quit me, banishing almost every +other) I labour to conceal in total +solitude.—My life therefore is but an +exercise of fortitude, continually on +the stretch—and hope never gleams in +this tomb, where I am buried alive.</p> + +<p>But I meant to reason with you, and +not to complain.—You tell me, "that I +shall judge more coolly of your mode +of acting, some time hence." But is it +not possible that <i>passion</i> clouds your reason, +as much as it does mine?—and +ought you not to doubt, whether those +principles are so "exalted," as you +term them, which only lead to your +own gratification? In other words,<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-24" id="DPg_4-24"></a>[<a href="images/v4-24.png">24</a>]</span> +whether it be just to have no principle +of action, but that of following your +inclination, trampling on the affection +you have fostered, and the expectations +you have excited?</p> + +<p>My affection for you is rooted in my +heart.—I know you are not what you +now seem—nor will you always act, or +feel, as you now do, though I may +never be comforted by the change.—Even +at Paris, my image will haunt +you.—You will see my pale face—and +sometimes the tears of anguish will +drop on your heart, which you have +forced from mine.</p> + +<p>I cannot write. I thought I could +quickly have refuted all your <i>ingenious</i> +arguments; but my head is confused.—Right +or wrong, I am miserable!</p> + +<p>It seems to me, that my conduct has +always been governed by the strictest +principles of justice and truth.—Yet,<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-25" id="DPg_4-25"></a>[<a href="images/v4-25.png">25</a>]</span> +how wretched have my social feelings, +and delicacy of sentiment rendered me!—I +have loved with my whole soul, +only to discover that I had no chance +of a return—and that existence is a +burthen without it.</p> + +<p>I do not perfectly understand you.—If, +by the offer of your friendship, you +still only mean pecuniary support—I +must again reject it.—Trifling are the +ills of poverty in the scale of my misfortunes.—God +bless you!</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<p>I have been treated ungenerously—if +I understand what is generosity.——You +seem to me only to have been +anxious to shake me off—regardless +whether you dashed me to atoms by +the fall.—In truth I have been rudely +handled. <i>Do you judge coolly</i>, and I trust<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-26" id="DPg_4-26"></a>[<a href="images/v4-26.png">26</a>]</span> +you will not continue to call those capricious +feelings "the most refined," +which would undermine not only the +most sacred principles, but the affections +which unite mankind.——You +would render mothers unnatural—and +there would be no such thing as a father!—If +your theory of morals is the +most "exalted," it is certainly the most +easy.—It does not require much magnanimity, +to determine to please ourselves +for the moment, let others suffer +what they will!</p> + +<p>Excuse me for again tormenting you, +my heart thirsts for justice from you—and +whilst I recollect that you approved +Miss ———'s conduct—I am convinced +you will not always justify your +own.</p> + +<p>Beware of the deceptions of passion! +It will not always banish from your<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-27" id="DPg_4-27"></a>[<a href="images/v4-27.png">27</a>]</span> +mind, that you have acted ignobly—and +condescended to subterfuge to +gloss over the conduct you could not +excuse.—Do truth and principle require +such sacrifices?</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER LXXVI</h4> + +<p class="right">London, December 8.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Having</span> just been informed that +——— is to return immediately to +Paris, I would not miss a sure opportunity +of writing, because I am not +certain that my last, by Dover has +reached you.</p> + +<p>Resentment, and even anger, are +momentary emotions with me—and<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-28" id="DPg_4-28"></a>[<a href="images/v4-28.png">28</a>]</span> +I wished to tell you so, that if you ever +think of me, it may not be in the light +of an enemy.</p> + +<p>That I have not been used <i>well</i> I +must ever feel; perhaps, not always +with the keen anguish I do at present—for +I began even now to write calmly, +and I cannot restrain my tears.</p> + +<p>I am stunned!—Your late conduct +still appears to me a frightful dream.—Ah! +ask yourself if you have not condescended +to employ a little address, I +could almost say cunning, unworthy of +you?—Principles are sacred things—and +we never play with truth, with +impunity.</p> + +<p>The expectation (I have too fondly +nourished it) of regaining your affection, +every day grows fainter and +fainter.—Indeed, it seems to me, when +I am more sad than usual, that I shall<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-29" id="DPg_4-29"></a>[<a href="images/v4-29.png">29</a>]</span> +never see you more.—Yet you will not +always forget me.—You will feel something +like remorse, for having lived only +for yourself—and sacrificed my peace +to inferior gratifications. In a comfortless +old age, you will remember +that you had one disinterested friend, +whose heart you wounded to the quick. +The hour of recollection will come—and +you will not be satisfied to act the +part of a boy, till you fall into that of a +dotard. I know that your mind, your +heart, and your principles of action, +are all superior to your present conduct. +You do, you must, respect me—and +you will be sorry to forfeit my esteem.</p> + +<p>You know best whether I am still +preserving the remembrance of an +imaginary being.—I once thought that +I knew you thoroughly—but now I +am obliged to leave some doubts that<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-30" id="DPg_4-30"></a>[<a href="images/v4-30.png">30</a>]</span> +involuntarily press on me, to be cleared +up by time.</p> + +<p>You may render me unhappy; but +cannot make me contemptible in my +own eyes.—I shall still be able to support +my child, though I am disappointed +in some other plans of usefulness, +which I once believed would have afforded +you equal pleasure.</p> + +<p>Whilst I was with you, I restrained +my natural generosity, because I thought +your property in jeopardy.—When I +went to ————, I requested you, <i>if you +could conveniently</i>, not to forget my father, +sisters, and some other people, +whom I was interested about.—Money +was lavished away, yet not only my +requests were neglected, but some trifling +debts were not discharged, that +now come on me.—Was this friendship—or +generosity? Will you not grant<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-31" id="DPg_4-31"></a>[<a href="images/v4-31.png">31</a>]</span> +you have forgotten yourself? Still +I have an affection for you.—God +bless you.</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER LXXVII</h4> + +<p><span class="smcap">As</span> the parting from you for ever is +the most serious event of my life, I will +once expostulate with you, and call +not the language of truth and feeling +ingenuity!</p> + +<p>I know the soundness of your understanding—and +know that it is impossible +for you always to confound the +caprices of every wayward inclination +with the manly dictates of principle.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-32" id="DPg_4-32"></a>[<a href="images/v4-32.png">32</a>]</span> +You tell me "that I torment you."—Why +do I?——Because you cannot +estrange your heart entirely from me—and +you feel that justice is on my side. +You urge, "that your conduct was +unequivocal."—It was not.—When +your coolness has hurt me, with what +tenderness have you endeavoured to +remove the impression!—and even before +I returned to England, you took +great pains to convince me, that all +my uneasiness was occasioned by the +effect of a worn-out constitution—and +you concluded your letter with these +words, "Business alone has kept me +from you.—Come to any port, and I +will fly down to my two dear girls +with a heart all their own."</p> + +<p>With these assurances, is it extraordinary +that I should believe what I +wished? I might—and did think that<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-33" id="DPg_4-33"></a>[<a href="images/v4-33.png">33</a>]</span> +you had a struggle with old propensities; +but I still thought that I and virtue +should at last prevail. I still thought +that you had a magnanimity of character, +which would enable you to conquer +yourself.</p> + +<p>————, believe me, it is not +romance, you have acknowledged to +me feelings of this kind.—You could +restore me to life and hope, and the +satisfaction you would feel, would +amply repay you.</p> + +<p>In tearing myself from you, it is my +own heart I pierce—and the time will +come, when you will lament that you +have thrown away a heart, that, even +in the moment of passion, you cannot +despise.—I would owe every thing to +your generosity—but, for God's sake, +keep me no longer in suspense!—Let +me see you once more!<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-34" id="DPg_4-34"></a>[<a href="images/v4-34.png">34</a>]</span>—</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER LXXVIII</h4> + +<p><span class="smcap">You</span> must do as you please with +respect to the child.—I could wish that +it might be done soon, that my name +may be no more mentioned to you. +It is now finished.—Convinced that you +have neither regard nor friendship, I +disdain to utter a reproach, though I +have had reason to think, that the +"forbearance" talked of, has not been +very delicate.—It is however of no +consequence.—I am glad you are satisfied +with your own conduct.</p> + +<p>I now solemnly assure you, that this is +an eternal farewel.—Yet I flinch not +from the duties which tie me to life.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-35" id="DPg_4-35"></a>[<a href="images/v4-35.png">35</a>]</span> +That there is "sophistry" on one +side or other, is certain; but now it +matters not on which. On my part it +has not been a question of words. Yet +your understanding or mine must be +strangely warped—for what you term +"delicacy," appears to me to be exactly +the contrary. I have no criterion +for morality, and have thought in vain, +if the sensations which lead you to follow +an ancle or step, be the sacred +foundation of principle and affection. +Mine has been of a very different nature, +or it would not have stood the +brunt of your sarcasms.</p> + +<p>The sentiment in me is still sacred. +If there be any part of me that will +survive the sense of my misfortunes, it +is the purity of my affections. The +impetuosity of your senses, may have +led you to term mere animal desire, the<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-36" id="DPg_4-36"></a>[<a href="images/v4-36.png">36</a>]</span> +source of principle; and it may give +zest to some years to come.—Whether +you will always think so, I shall never +know.</p> + +<p>It is strange that, in spite of all you +do, something like conviction forces me +to believe, that you are not what you +appear to be.</p> + +<p>I part with you in peace.</p> + + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-37" id="DPg_4-37"></a>[<a href="images/v4-37.png">37</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> +<h2>LETTER</h2> +<h4>ON THE</h4> +<h2>PRESENT CHARACTER</h2> +<h4>OF THE</h4> +<h2>FRENCH NATION.</h2> +<p> </p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-38" id="DPg_4-38"></a>[<a href="images/v4-38.png">38</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-39" id="DPg_4-39"></a>[<a href="images/v4-39.png">39</a>]</span></p> + +<h3><a name="LETTER" id="DLETTER"></a>LETTER</h3> + +<h3><i>Introductory to a Series of Letters on the Present +Character of the French Nation.</i></h3> +<hr class="short" /> + +<p class="right">Paris, February 15, 1793.</p> + +<p>        My dear friend,</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">It</span> is necessary perhaps for an observer +of mankind, to guard as carefully the +remembrance of the first impression +made by a nation, as by a countenance; +because we imperceptibly lose sight of +the national character, when we become +more intimate with individuals. +It is not then useless or presumptuous +to note, that, when I first entered Paris,<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-40" id="DPg_4-40"></a>[<a href="images/v4-40.png">40</a>]</span> +the striking contrast of riches and poverty, +elegance and slovenliness, urbanity +and deceit, every where caught +my eye, and saddened my soul; and +these impressions are still the foundation +of my remarks on the manners, which +flatter the senses, more than they interest +the heart, and yet excite more interest +than esteem.</p> + +<p>The whole mode of life here tends +indeed to render the people frivolous, +and, to borrow their favourite epithet, +amiable. Ever on the wing, they are +always sipping the sparkling joy on the +brim of the cup, leaving satiety in the +bottom for those who venture to drink +deep. On all sides they trip along, +buoyed up by animal spirits, and seemingly +so void of care, that often, when +I am walking on the <i>Boulevards</i>, it +occurs to me, that they alone understand<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-41" id="DPg_4-41"></a>[<a href="images/v4-41.png">41</a>]</span> +the full import of the term leisure; and +they trifle their time away with such +an air of contentment, I know not how +to wish them wiser at the expence of +their gaiety. They play before me like +motes in a sunbeam, enjoying the passing +ray; whilst an English head, searching +for more solid happiness, loses, in +the analysis of pleasure, the volatile +sweets of the moment. Their chief +enjoyment, it is true, rises from vanity: +but it is not the vanity that engenders +vexation of spirit; on the contrary, it +lightens the heavy burthen of life, +which reason too often weighs, merely +to shift from one shoulder to the +other.</p> + +<p>Investigating the modification of the +passion, as I would analyze the elements +that give a form to dead matter, I +shall attempt to trace to their source<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-42" id="DPg_4-42"></a>[<a href="images/v4-42.png">42</a>]</span> +the causes which have combined to +render this nation the most polished, in +a physical sense, and probably the most +superficial in the world; and I mean to +follow the windings of the various +streams that disembogue into a terrific +gulf, in which all the dignity of our +nature is absorbed. For every thing +has conspired to make the French the +most sensual people in the world; and +what can render the heart so hard, or +so effectually stifle every moral emotion, +as the refinements of sensuality?</p> + +<p>The frequent repetition of the word +French, appears invidious; let me then +make a previous observation, which I +beg you not to lose sight of, when I +speak rather harshly of a land flowing +with milk and honey. Remember that +it is not the morals of a particular +people that I would decry; for are we<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-43" id="DPg_4-43"></a>[<a href="images/v4-43.png">43</a>]</span> +not all of the same stock? But I wish +calmly to consider the stage of civilization +in which I find the French, and, +giving a sketch of their character, and +unfolding the circumstances which have +produced its identity, I shall endeavour +to throw some light on the history of +man, and on the present important +subjects of discussion.</p> + +<p>I would I could first inform you that, +out of the chaos of vices and follies, +prejudices and virtues, rudely jumbled +together, I saw the fair form of Liberty +slowly rising, and Virtue expanding her +wings to shelter all her children! I +should then hear the account of the +barbarities that have rent the bosom of +France patiently, and bless the firm +hand that lopt off the rotten limbs. +But, if the aristocracy of birth is levelled +with the ground, only to make room<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-44" id="DPg_4-44"></a>[<a href="images/v4-44.png">44</a>]</span> +for that of riches, I am afraid that the +morals of the people will not be much +improved by the change, or the government +rendered less venal. Still it +is not just to dwell on the misery produced +by the present struggle, without +adverting to the standing evils of the +old system. I am grieved—sorely grieved—when +I think of the blood that has +stained the cause of freedom at Paris; +but I also hear the same live stream cry +aloud from the highways, through +which the retreating armies passed +with famine and death in their rear, +and I hide my face with awe before +the inscrutable ways of providence, +sweeping in such various directions the +besom of destruction over the sons of +men.</p> + +<p>Before I came to France, I cherished, +you know, an opinion, that strong vir<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-45" id="DPg_4-45"></a>[<a href="images/v4-45.png">45</a>]</span>tues +might exist with the polished manners +produced by the progress of civilization; +and I even anticipated the +epoch, when, in the course of improvement, +men would labour to become +virtuous, without being goaded on by +misery. But now, the perspective of +the golden age, fading before the attentive +eye of observation, almost eludes +my sight; and, losing thus in part my +theory of a more perfect state, start not, +my friend, if I bring forward an opinion, +which at the first glance seems to +be levelled against the existence of God! +I am not become an Atheist, I assure +you, by residing at Paris: yet I begin +to fear that vice, or, if you will, evil, +is the grand mobile of action, and that, +when the passions are justly poized, we +become harmless, and in the same proportion +useless.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-46" id="DPg_4-46"></a>[<a href="images/v4-46.png">46</a>]</span> +The wants of reason are very few; +and, were we to consider dispassionately +the real value of most things, we should +probably rest satisfied with the simple +gratification of our physical necessities, +and be content with negative goodness: +for it is frequently, only that wanton, +the Imagination, with her artful +coquetry, who lures us forward, and +makes us run over a rough road, pushing +aside every obstacle merely to catch +a disappointment.</p> + +<p>The desire also of being useful to +others, is continually damped by experience; +and, if the exertions of humanity +were not in some measure their +own reward, who would endure misery, +or struggle with care, to make +some people ungrateful, and others +idle?</p> + +<p>You will call these melancholy effu<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-47" id="DPg_4-47"></a>[<a href="images/v4-47.png">47</a>]</span>sions, +and guess that, fatigued by the +vivacity, which has all the bustling +folly of childhood, without the innocence +which renders ignorance charming, +I am too severe in my strictures. +It may be so; and I am aware that the +good effects of the revolution will be +last felt at Paris; where surely the soul +of Epicurus has long been at work to +root out the simple emotions of the +heart, which, being natural, are always +moral. Rendered cold and artificial +by the selfish enjoyments of the senses, +which the government fostered, is it +surprising that simplicity of manners, +and singleness of heart, rarely appear, +to recreate me with the wild odour of +nature, so passing sweet?</p> + +<p>Seeing how deep the fibres of mischief +have shot, I sometimes ask, with a +doubting accent, Whether a nation can<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-48" id="DPg_4-48"></a>[<a href="images/v4-48.png">48</a>]</span> +go back to the purity of manners which +has hitherto been maintained unsullied +only by the keen air of poverty, when, +emasculated by pleasure, the luxuries +of prosperity are become the wants of +nature? I cannot yet give up the hope, +that a fairer day is dawning on Europe, +though I must hesitatingly observe, that +little is to be expected from the narrow +principle of commerce which seems +every where to be shoving aside <i>the point +of honour</i> of the <i>noblesse</i>. I can look beyond +the evils of the moment, and do +not expect muddied water to become +clear before it has had time to stand; +yet, even for the moment, it is the +most terrific of all sights, to see men +vicious without warmth—to see the +order that should be the superscription +of virtue, cultivated to give security to +crimes which only thoughtlessness could<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-49" id="DPg_4-49"></a>[<a href="images/v4-49.png">49</a>]</span> +palliate. Disorder is, in fact, the very +essence of vice, though with the wild +wishes of a corrupt fancy humane emotions +often kindly mix to soften their +atrocity. Thus humanity, generosity, +and even self-denial, sometimes render +a character grand, and even useful, +when hurried away by lawless passions; +but what can equal the turpitude of a +cold calculator who lives for himself +alone, and considering his fellow-creatures +merely as machines of pleasure, +never forgets that honesty is the best policy? +Keeping ever within the pale of +the law, he crushes his thousands with +impunity; but it is with that degree of +management, which makes him, to borrow +a significant vulgarism, a villain +<i>in grain</i>. The very excess of his depravation +preserves him, whilst the more +respectable beast of prey, who prowls<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-50" id="DPg_4-50"></a>[<a href="images/v4-50.png">50</a>]</span> +about like the lion, and roars to announce +his approach, falls into a snare.</p> + +<p>You may think it too soon to form +an opinion of the future government, +yet it is impossible to avoid hazarding +some conjectures, when every thing +whispers me, that names, not principles, +are changed, and when I see that +the turn of the tide has left the dregs of +the old system to corrupt the new. For +the same pride of office, the same desire +of power are still visible; with this aggravation, +that, fearing to return to obscurity +after having but just acquired +a relish for distinction, each hero, or +philosopher, for all are dubbed with +these new titles, endeavours to make +hay while the sun shines; and every +petty municipal officer, become the idol, +or rather the tyrant of the day, stalks +like a cock on a dunghil.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-51" id="DPg_4-51"></a>[<a href="images/v4-51.png">51</a>]</span> +I shall now conclude this desultory +letter; which however will enable you +to foresee that I shall treat more of +morals than manners.</p> + +<p class="right">Yours ———                </p> + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-52" id="DPg_4-52"></a>[<a href="images/v4-52.png">52</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-53" id="DPg_4-53"></a>[<a href="images/v4-53.png">53</a>]</span></p> + +<h2>FRAGMENT</h2> +<h3>OF</h3> +<h2>LETTERS</h2> +<h3>ON THE</h3> +<h2>MANAGEMENT OF INFANTS.</h2> + +<hr /> +<h3><a name="DV4_CONTENTS_L" id="DV4_CONTENTS_L"></a>CONTENTS.</h3> + +<ul class="plain"><li>Introductory Letter.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Letter II.</span> Management of the Mother during pregnancy: bathing.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Letter III.</span> Lying-in.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Letter IV.</span> The first month: diet: clothing.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Letter V.</span> The three following months.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Letter VI.</span> The remainder of the first year.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Letter VII.</span> The second year, &c: conclusion.</li></ul> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-54" id="DPg_4-54"></a>[<a href="images/v4-54.png">54</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-55" id="DPg_4-55"></a>[<a href="images/v4-55.png">55</a>]</span></p> + + +<h2>LETTERS</h2> +<h3>ON THE</h3> +<h2>MANAGEMENT OF INFANTS.</h2> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER I</h4> + +<p><span class="smcap">I ought</span> to apologize for not having +written to you on the subject you +mentioned; but, to tell you the truth, +it grew upon me: and, instead of an +answer, I have begun a series of letters +on the management of children in +their infancy. Replying then to your +question, I have the public in my<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-56" id="DPg_4-56"></a>[<a href="images/v4-56.png">56</a>]</span> +thoughts, and shall endeavour to show +what modes appear to me necessary, +to render the infancy of children more +healthy and happy. I have long +thought, that the cause which renders +children as hard to rear as the most +fragile plant, is our deviation from +simplicity. I know that some able +physicians have recommended the method +I have pursued, and I mean to +point out the good effects I have observed +in practice. I am aware that +many matrons will exclaim against me, +and dwell on the number of children +they have brought up, as their mothers +did before them, without troubling +themselves with new-fangled notions; +yet, though, in my uncle Toby's words, +they should attempt to silence me, by +"wishing I had seen their large" families, +I must suppose, while a third part<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-57" id="DPg_4-57"></a>[<a href="images/v4-57.png">57</a>]</span> +of the human species, according to the +most accurate calculation, die during +their infancy, just at the threshold of +life, that there is some error in the +modes adopted by mothers and nurses, +which counteracts their own endeavours. +I may be mistaken in some +particulars; for general rules, founded +on the soundest reason, demand individual +modification; but, if I can persuade +any of the rising generation to +exercise their reason on this head, I am +content. My advice will probably +be found most useful to mothers in the +middle class; and it is from them that +the lower imperceptibly gains improvement. +Custom, produced by reason +in one, may safely be the effect of +imitation in the other.</p> + +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-58" id="DPg_4-58"></a>[<a href="images/v4-58.png">58</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-59" id="DPg_4-59"></a>[<a href="images/v4-59.png">59</a>]</span></p> + +<h2>LETTERS</h2> +<h4>TO</h4> +<h2>Mr. JOHNSON,</h2> +<h3><i>BOOKSELLER</i>,</h3> +<h4>IN</h4> +<h3><span class="smcap">St. PAUL's CHURCH-YARD</span>.</h3> +<p> </p> +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-60" id="DPg_4-60"></a>[<a href="images/v4-60.png">60</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-61" id="DPg_4-61"></a>[<a href="images/v4-61.png">61</a>]</span></p> + +<h2>LETTERS</h2> +<h4>TO</h4> +<h2>Mr. JOHNSON.</h2> + +<hr class="short" /> + + +<h4>LETTER I</h4> + +<p class="right">Dublin, April 14, [1787.]</p> + +<p>        Dear sir,</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I am</span> still an invalid—and begin to +believe that I ought never to expect to +enjoy health. My mind preys on my +body—and, when I endeavour to be +useful, I grow too much interested for +my own peace. Confined almost entirely +to the society of children, I am +anxiously solicitous for their future +welfare, and mortified beyond measure,<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-62" id="DPg_4-62"></a>[<a href="images/v4-62.png">62</a>]</span> +when counteracted in my endeavours to +improve them.—I feel all a mother's +fears for the swarm of little ones which +surround me, and observe disorders, +without having power to apply the +proper remedies. How can I be reconciled +to life, when it is always a +painful warfare, and when I am deprived +of all the pleasures I relish?—I +allude to rational conversations, and +domestic affections. Here, alone, a +poor solitary individual in a strange +land, tied to one spot, and subject to +the caprice of another, can I be contented? +I am desirous to convince you +that I have <i>some</i> cause for sorrow—and +am not without reason detached from +life. I shall hope to hear that you are +well, and am yours sincerely</p> + +<p class="right"><span class="smcap">Mary Wollstonecraft.</span></p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-63" id="DPg_4-63"></a>[<a href="images/v4-63.png">63</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER II</h4> + +<p class="right">Henley, Thursday, Sept 13.</p> + +<p>        My dear sir,</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Since</span> I saw you, I have, literally +speaking, <i>enjoyed</i> solitude. My sister +could not accompany me in my rambles; +I therefore wandered alone, by +the side of the Thames, and in the +neighbouring beautiful fields and +pleasure grounds: the prospects were +of such a placid kind, I <i>caught</i> tranquillity +while I surveyed them—my mind +was <i>still</i>, though active. Were I to +give you an account how I have spent +my time, you would smile.—I found an +old French bible here, and amused +myself with comparing it with our<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-64" id="DPg_4-64"></a>[<a href="images/v4-64.png">64</a>]</span> +English translation; then I would listen +to the falling leaves, or observe the +various tints the autumn gave to +them—At other times, the singing of +a robin, or the noise of a water-mill, +engaged my attention—partial attention—, +for I was, at the same time +perhaps discussing some knotty point, +or straying from this <i>tiny</i> world to new +systems. After these excursions, I returned +to the family meals, told the +children stories (they think me <i>vastly</i> +agreeable), and my sister was amused.—Well, +will you allow me to call this +way of passing my days pleasant?</p> + +<p>I was just going to mend my pen; +but I believe it will enable me to say +all I have to add to this epistle. Have +you yet heard of an habitation for me? +I often think of my new plan of life; +and, lest my sister should try to prevail<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-65" id="DPg_4-65"></a>[<a href="images/v4-65.png">65</a>]</span> +on me to alter it, I have avoided mentioning +it to her. I am determined!—Your +sex generally laugh at female +determinations; but let me tell you, +I never yet resolved to do, any thing of +consequence, that I did not adhere resolutely +to it, till I had accomplished +my purpose, improbable as it might +have appeared to a more timid mind. +In the course of near nine-and-twenty +years, I have gathered some experience, +and felt many <i>severe</i> disappointments—and +what is the amount? I long for a +little peace and <i>independence</i>! Every +obligation we receive from our fellow-creatures +is a new shackle, takes from +our native freedom, and debases the +mind, makes us mere earthworms—I +am not fond of grovelling!</p> + +<p class="right">I am, sir, yours, &c.    </p> + +<p class="right"><span class="smcap">mary wollstonecraft.</span></p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-66" id="DPg_4-66"></a>[<a href="images/v4-66.png">66</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER III</h4> + +<p class="right">Market Harborough, Sept. 20.</p> + +<p>        My dear sir,</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">You</span> left me with three opulent +tradesmen; their conversation was not +calculated to beguile the way, when +the sable curtain concealed the beauties +of nature. I listened to the tricks +of trade—and shrunk away, without +wishing to grow rich; even the novelty +of the subjects did not render them +pleasing; fond as I am of tracing the +passions in all their different forms—I +was not surprised by any glimpse of the +sublime, or beautiful—though one of +them imagined I would be a useful partner +in a good <i>firm</i>. I was very much +fatigued, and have scarcely recovered<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-67" id="DPg_4-67"></a>[<a href="images/v4-67.png">67</a>]</span> +myself. I do not expect to enjoy the +same tranquil pleasures Henley afforded: +I meet with new objects to employ +my mind; but many painful emotions +are complicated with the reflections +they give rise to.</p> + +<p>I do not intend to enter on the <i>old</i> +topic, yet hope to hear from you—and +am yours, &c.</p> + +<p class="right"><span class="smcap">mary wollstonecraft.</span></p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER IV</h4> + +<p class="right">Friday Night.</p> + +<p>        My dear sir,</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Though</span> your remarks are generally +judicious—I cannot <i>now</i> concur with you, +I mean with respect to the preface<a name="FNanchor_67-A_21" id="DFNanchor_67-A_21"></a><a href="#DFootnote_67-A_21" class="fnanchor">[67-A]</a>,<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-68" id="DPg_4-68"></a>[<a href="images/v4-68.png">68</a>]</span> +and have not altered it. I hate the +usual smooth way of exhibiting proud +humility. A general rule <i>only</i> extends +to the majority—and, believe me, the +few judicious parents who may peruse +my book, will not feel themselves hurt—and +the weak are too vain to mind what +is said in a book intended for children.</p> + +<p>I return you the Italian MS.—but +do not hastily imagine that I am indolent. +I would not spare any labour to +do my duty—and, after the most laborious +day, that single thought would +solace me more than any pleasures the +senses could enjoy. I find I could not +translate the MS. well. If it was not +a MS, I should not be so easily intimidated; +but the hand, and errors in +orthography, or abbreviations, are a +stumbling-block at the first setting +out.—I cannot bear to do any thing I<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-69" id="DPg_4-69"></a>[<a href="images/v4-69.png">69</a>]</span> +cannot do well—and I should lose time +in the vain attempt.</p> + +<p>I had, the other day, the satisfaction +of again receiving a letter from my +poor, dear Margaret<a name="FNanchor_69-A_22" id="DFNanchor_69-A_22"></a><a href="#DFootnote_69-A_22" class="fnanchor">[69-A]</a>.—With all a +mother's fondness I could transcribe a +part of it—She says, every day her +affection to me, and dependence on +heaven increase, &c.—I miss her +innocent caresses—and sometimes indulge +a pleasing hope, that she may be +allowed to cheer my childless age—if +I am to live to be old.—At any rate, I +may hear of the virtues I may not contemplate—and +my reason may permit +me to love a female.—I now allude to +———. I have received another letter +from her, and her childish complaints +vex me—indeed they do—As +usual, good-night.</p> + +<p class="right"><span class="smcap">mary.</span></p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-70" id="DPg_4-70"></a>[<a href="images/v4-70.png">70</a>]</span></p> +<p>If parents attended to their children, +I would not have written the stories; +for, what are books—compared to conversations +which affection inforces!—</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER V</h4> + +<p>        My dear sir,</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Remember</span> you are to settle <i>my account</i>, +as I want to know how much I +am in your debt—but do not suppose +that I feel any uneasiness on that score. +The generality of people in trade +would not be much obliged to me for a +like civility, <i>but you were a man</i> before +you were a bookseller—so I am your +sincere friend,</p> + +<p class="right"><span class="smcap">mary.</span></p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-71" id="DPg_4-71"></a>[<a href="images/v4-71.png">71</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER VI</h4> + +<p class="right">Friday Morning.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I am</span> sick with vexation—and wish +I could knock my foolish head against +the wall, that bodily pain might make +me feel less anguish from self-reproach! +To say the truth, I was never more displeased +with myself, and I will tell you +the cause.—You may recollect that I +did not mention to you the circumstance +of ——— having a fortune left +to him; nor did a hint of it drop from +me when I conversed with my sister; +because I knew he had a sufficient motive +for concealing it. Last Sunday, +when his character was aspersed, as I +thought, unjustly, in the heat of vindi<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-72" id="DPg_4-72"></a>[<a href="images/v4-72.png">72</a>]</span>cation +I informed ****** that he was +now independent; but, at the same +time, desired him not to repeat my information +to B——; yet, last Tuesday, +he told him all—and the boy at B——'s +gave Mrs. ——— an account of it. As +Mr. ——— knew he had only made a +confident of me (I blush to think of it!) +he guessed the channel of intelligence, +and this morning came (not to reproach +me, I wish he had!) but to point out the +injury I have done him.—Let what will +be the consequence, I will reimburse +him, if I deny myself the necessaries of +life—and even then my folly will sting +me.—Perhaps you can scarcely conceive +the misery I at this moment +endure—that I, whose power of doing +good is so limited, should do harm, galls +my very soul. ****** may laugh at +these qualms—but, supposing Mr.<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-73" id="DPg_4-73"></a>[<a href="images/v4-73.png">73</a>]</span> +——— to be unworthy, I am not +the less to blame. Surely it is hell to +despise one's self!—I did not want this +additional vexation—at this time I have +many that hang heavily on my spirits. +I shall not call on you this month—nor +stir out.—My stomach has been so suddenly +and violently affected, I am +unable to lean over the desk.</p> + +<p class="right"><span class="smcap">mary wollstonecraft.</span></p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER VII</h4> + +<p><span class="smcap">As</span> I am become a reviewer, I think +it right, in the way of business, to consider +the subject. You have alarmed +the editor of the Critical, as the advertisement +prefixed to the Appendix<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-74" id="DPg_4-74"></a>[<a href="images/v4-74.png">74</a>]</span> +plainly shows. The Critical appears +to me to be a timid, mean production, +and its success is a reflection on the +taste and judgment of the public; but, +as a body, who ever gave it credit for +much? The voice of the people is only +the voice of truth, when some man of +abilities has had time to get fast hold of +the <span class="smcap">great nose</span> of the monster. Of +course, local fame is generally a +clamour, and dies away. The Appendix +to the Monthly afforded me more +amusement, though every article almost +wants energy and a <i>cant</i> of virtue and +liberality is strewed over it; always +tame, and eager to pay court to established +fame. The account of Necker +is one unvaried tone of admiration. +Surely men were born only to provide +for the sustenance of the body by enfeebling +the mind!</p> + +<p class="right"><span class="smcap">mary.</span></p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-75" id="DPg_4-75"></a>[<a href="images/v4-75.png">75</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER VIII</h4> + +<p><span class="smcap">You</span> made me very low-spirited last +night, by your manner of talking.—You +are my only friend—the only +person I am <i>intimate</i> with.—I never had +a father, or a brother—you have been +both to me, ever since I knew you—yet +I have sometimes been very petulant.—I +have been thinking of those instances +of ill-humour and quickness, and they +appeared like crimes.</p> + +<p class="right">Yours sincerely                </p> + +<p class="right"><span class="smcap">mary.</span></p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-76" id="DPg_4-76"></a>[<a href="images/v4-76.png">76</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER IX</h4> + +<p class="right">Saturday Night.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I am</span> a mere animal, and instinctive +emotions too often silence the suggestions +of reason. Your note—I can +scarcely tell why, hurt me—and produced +a kind of winterly smile, which +diffuses a beam of despondent tranquillity +over the features. I have been +very ill—Heaven knows it was more +than fancy—After some sleepless, wearisome +nights, towards the morning I +have grown delirious.—Last Thursday, +in particular, I imagined ——— was +thrown into great distress by his folly; +and I, unable to assist him, was in an +agony. My nerves were in such a<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-77" id="DPg_4-77"></a>[<a href="images/v4-77.png">77</a>]</span> +painful state of irritation—I suffered +more than I can express—Society was +necessary—and might have diverted +me till I gained more strength; but I +blushed when I recollected how often +I had teazed you with childish complaints, +and the reveries of a disordered +imagination. I even <i>imagined</i> that I +intruded on you, because you never +called on me—though you perceived +that I was not well.—I have nourished +a sickly kind of delicacy, which gives +me many unnecessary pangs.—I acknowledge +that life is but a jest—and +often a frightful dream—yet catch +myself every day searching for something +serious—and feel real misery +from the disappointment. I am a +strange compound of weakness and resolution! +However, if I must suffer, I +will endeavour to suffer in silence.<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-78" id="DPg_4-78"></a>[<a href="images/v4-78.png">78</a>]</span> +There is certainly a great defect in my +mind—my wayward heart creates its +own misery—Why I am made thus I +cannot tell; and, till I can form some +idea of the whole of my existence, I +must be content to weep and dance +like a child—long for a toy, and be +tired of it as soon as I get it.</p> + +<p>We must each of us wear a fool's +cap; but mine, alas! has lost its bells, +and is grown so heavy, I find it intolerably +troublesome.——Good-night! +I have been pursuing a number of +strange thoughts since I began to write, +and have actually both wept and +laughed immoderately—Surely I am a +fool—</p> + +<p class="right"><span class="smcap">mary w.</span></p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-79" id="DPg_4-79"></a>[<a href="images/v4-79.png">79</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER X</h4> + +<p class="right">Monday Morning.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I really</span> want a German grammar, +as I intend to attempt to learn that +language—and I will tell you the reason +why.—While I live, I am persuaded, +I must exert my understanding to procure +an independence, and render +myself useful. To make the task easier, +I ought to store my mind with knowledge—The +seed time is passing away. +I see the necessity of labouring now—and +of that necessity I do not complain; +on the contrary, I am thankful that I +have more than common incentives to +pursue knowledge, and draw my plea<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-80" id="DPg_4-80"></a>[<a href="images/v4-80.png">80</a>]</span>sures +from the employments that are +within my reach. You perceive this is +not a gloomy day—I feel at this moment +particularly grateful to you—without +your humane and <i>delicate</i> +assistance, how many obstacles should I +not have had to encounter—too often +should I have been out of patience +with my fellow-creatures, whom I +wish to love!—Allow me to love you, +my dear sir, and call friend a being I +respect.—Adieu!</p> + +<p class="right"><span class="smcap">mary w.</span></p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-81" id="DPg_4-81"></a>[<a href="images/v4-81.png">81</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER XI</h4> + +<p><span class="smcap">I thought</span> you <i>very</i> unkind, nay, +very unfeeling, last night. My cares +and vexations—I will say what I allow +myself to think—do me honour, as they +arise from my disinterestedness and <i>unbending</i> +principles; nor can that mode +of conduct be a reflection on my understanding, +which enables me to bear +misery, rather than selfishly live for myself +alone. I am not the only character +deserving of respect, that has had to +struggle with various sorrows—while +inferior minds have enjoyed local fame +and present comfort.—Dr. Johnson's +cares almost drove him mad—but, I +suppose, you would quietly have told +him, he was a fool for not being calm, +and that wise men striving against the<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-82" id="DPg_4-82"></a>[<a href="images/v4-82.png">82</a>]</span> +stream, can yet be in good humour. I +have done with insensible human wisdom,—"indifference +cold in wisdom's +guise,"—and turn to the source of perfection—who +perhaps never disregarded +an almost broken heart, especially when +a respect, a practical respect, for virtue, +sharpened the wounds of adversity. I +am ill—I stayed in bed this morning +till eleven o'clock, only thinking of +getting money to extricate myself out +of some of my difficulties—The struggle +is now over. I will condescend to try +to obtain some in a disagreeable way.</p> + +<p>Mr. ——— called on me just now—pray +did you know his motive for calling<a name="FNanchor_82-A_23" id="DFNanchor_82-A_23"></a><a href="#DFootnote_82-A_23" class="fnanchor">[82-A]</a>?—I +think him impertinently offi<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-83" id="DPg_4-83"></a>[<a href="images/v4-83.png">83</a>]</span>cious.—He +had left the house before it +occurred to me in the strong light it does +now, or I should have told him so—My +poverty makes me proud—I will not be +insulted by a superficial puppy.—His +intimacy with Miss ——— gave him a +privilege, which he should not have assumed +with me—a proposal might be +made to his cousin, a milliner's girl, +which should not have been mentioned +to me. Pray tell him that I am offended—and +do not wish to see him again!—When +I meet him at your house, I shall +leave the room, since I cannot pull him +by the nose. I can force my spirit to +leave my body—but it shall never bend +to support that body—God of heaven, +save thy child from this living death!—I +scarcely know what I write. My +hand trembles—I am very sick—sick at +heart.——</p> + +<p class="right"><span class="smcap">mary.</span></p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-84" id="DPg_4-84"></a>[<a href="images/v4-84.png">84</a>]</span></p> +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER XII</h4> + +<p class="right">Tuesday Evening.</p> + +<p>        Sir,</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">When</span> you left me this morning, and +I reflected a moment—your <i>officious</i> +message, which at first appeared to me +a joke—looked so very like an insult—I +cannot forget it—To prevent then the +necessity of forcing a smile—when I +chance to meet you—I take the earliest +opportunity of informing you of my +real sentiments.</p> + +<p class="right"><span class="smcap">mary wollstonecraft.</span></p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-85" id="DPg_4-85"></a>[<a href="images/v4-85.png">85</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER XIII</h4> + +<p class="right">Wednesday, 3 o'clock.</p> + +<p>        Sir,</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">It</span> is inexpressibly disagreeable to me +to be obliged to enter again on a subject, +that has already raised a tumult of +<i>indignant</i> emotions in my bosom, which +I was labouring to suppress when I received +your letter. I shall now <i>condescend</i> +to answer your epistle; but let me +first tell you, that, in my <i>unprotected</i> situation, +I make a point of never forgiving +a <i>deliberate insult</i>—and in that light I +consider your late officious conduct. +It is not according to my nature to +mince matters—I will then tell you in<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-86" id="DPg_4-86"></a>[<a href="images/v4-86.png">86</a>]</span> +plain terms, what I think. I have ever +considered you in the light of a <i>civil</i> +acquaintance—on the word friend I lay +a peculiar emphasis—and, as a mere +acquaintance, you were rude and <i>cruel</i>, +to step forward to insult a woman, +whose conduct and misfortunes demand +respect. If my friend, Mr. Johnson, +had made the proposal—I should have +been severely hurt—have thought him +unkind and unfeeling, but not <i>impertinent</i>.—The +privilege of intimacy you +had no claim to—and should have referred +the man to myself—if you had +not sufficient discernment to quash it at +once. I am, sir, poor and destitute.—Yet +I have a spirit that will never bend, +or take indirect methods, to obtain the +consequence I despise; nay, if to support +life it was necessary to act contrary +to my principles, the struggle<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-87" id="DPg_4-87"></a>[<a href="images/v4-87.png">87</a>]</span> +would soon be over. I can bear any +thing but my own contempt.</p> + +<p>In a few words, what I call an insult, +is the bare supposition that I could for +a moment think of <i>prostituting</i> my person +for a maintenance; for in that point of +view does such a marriage appear to +me, who consider right and wrong in +the abstract, and never by words and +local opinions shield myself from the +reproaches of my own heart and understanding.</p> + +<p>It is needless to say more—Only you +must excuse me when I add, that I wish +never to see, but as a perfect stranger, +a person who could so grossly mistake +my character. An apology is not necessary—if +you were inclined to make +one—nor any further expostulations.—I +again repeat, I cannot overlook an +affront; few indeed have sufficient de<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-88" id="DPg_4-88"></a>[<a href="images/v4-88.png">88</a>]</span>licacy +to respect poverty, even where +it gives lustre to a character—and I tell +you sir, I am <span class="smcap">poor</span>—yet can live without +your benevolent exertions.</p> + +<p class="right"><span class="smcap">mary wollstonecraft.</span></p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER XIV</h4> + +<p><span class="smcap">I send</span> you <i>all</i> the books I had to review +except Dr. J—'s Sermons, which +I have begun. If you wish me to look +over any more trash this month—you +must send it directly. I have been so +low-spirited since I saw you—I was +quite glad, last night, to feel myself affected +by some passages in Dr. J—'s +sermon on the death of his wife—I<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-89" id="DPg_4-89"></a>[<a href="images/v4-89.png">89</a>]</span> +seemed (suddenly) to <i>find</i> my <i>soul</i> again—It +has been for some time I cannot +tell where. Send me the Speaker—and +<i>Mary</i>, I want one—and I shall soon +want some paper—you may as well +send it at the same time—for I am trying +to brace my nerves that I may be +industrious.—I am afraid reason is not a +good bracer—for I have been reasoning +a long time with my untoward spirits—and +yet my hand trembles.—I could +finish a period very <i>prettily</i> now, by saying +that it ought to be steady when I +add that I am yours sincerely,</p> + +<p class="right"><span class="smcap">mary.</span></p> + +<p>If you do not like the manner in +which I reviewed Dr. J—'s s—— on +his wife, be it known unto you—I <i>will</i> +not do it any other way—I felt some +pleasure in paying a just tribute of re<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-90" id="DPg_4-90"></a>[<a href="images/v4-90.png">90</a>]</span>spect +to the memory of a man—who, +spite of his faults, I have an affection +for—I say <i>have</i>, for I believe he is +somewhere—<i>where</i> my soul has been +gadding perhaps;—but <i>you</i> do not live +on conjectures.</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER XV</h4> + +<p><span class="smcap">My</span> dear sir, I send you a chapter +which I am pleased with, now I see it +in one point of view—and, as I have +made free with the author, I hope you +will not have often to say—what does +this mean?</p> + +<p>You forgot you were to make out<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-91" id="DPg_4-91"></a>[<a href="images/v4-91.png">91</a>]</span> +my account—I am, of course, over +head and ears in debt; but I have not +that kind of pride, which makes some +dislike to be obliged to those they respect.—On +the contrary, when I involuntarily +lament that I have not a father +or brother, I thankfully recollect that +I have received unexpected kindness +from you and a few others.—So reason +allows, what nature impels me to—for +I cannot live without loving my fellow-creatures—nor +can I love them, without +discovering some virtue.</p> + +<p class="right"><span class="smcap">mary.</span></p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-92" id="DPg_4-92"></a>[<a href="images/v4-92.png">92</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER XVI</h4> + +<p class="right">Paris, December 26, 1792.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I should</span> immediately on the receipt +of your letter, my dear friend, have +thanked you for your punctuality, for it +highly gratified me, had I not wished +to wait till I could tell you that this +day was not stained with blood. Indeed +the prudent precautions taken by +the National Convention to prevent a +tumult, made me suppose that the dogs +of faction would not dare to bark, much +less to bite, however true to their scent; +and I was not mistaken; for the citizens, +who were all called out, are returning +home with composed counte<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-93" id="DPg_4-93"></a>[<a href="images/v4-93.png">93</a>]</span>nances, +shouldering their arms. About +nine o'clock this morning, the king +passed by my window, moving silently +along (excepting now and then a few +strokes on the drum, which rendered +the stillness more awful) through empty +streets, surrounded by the national guards, +who, clustering round the carriage, +seemed to deserve their name. The +inhabitants flocked to their windows, +but the casements were all shut, not a +voice was heard, nor did I see any +thing like an insulting gesture.—For +the first time since I entered France, +I bowed to the majesty of the people, +and respected the propriety of behaviour +so perfectly in unison with my own +feelings. I can scarcely tell you why, +but an association of ideas made the +tears flow insensibly from my eyes, +when I saw Louis sitting, with more<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-94" id="DPg_4-94"></a>[<a href="images/v4-94.png">94</a>]</span> +dignity than I expected from his character, +in a hackney coach, going to +meet death, where so many of his race +have triumphed. My fancy instantly +brought Louis XIV before me, entering +the capital with all his pomp, after +one of the victories most flattering to +his pride, only to see the sunshine of +prosperity overshadowed by the sublime +gloom of misery. I have been alone +ever since; and, though my mind is +calm, I cannot dismiss the lively images +that have filled my imagination all the +day.—Nay, do not smile, but pity me; +for, once or twice, lifting my eyes from +the paper, I have seen eyes glare +through a glass-door opposite my chair +and bloody hands shook at me. Not +the distant sound of a footstep can I +hear.—My apartments are remote from +those of the servants, the only persons<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-95" id="DPg_4-95"></a>[<a href="images/v4-95.png">95</a>]</span> +who sleep with me in an immense hotel, +one folding door opening after another.—I +wish I had even kept the cat with +me!—I want to see something alive; +death in so many frightful shapes has +taken hold of my fancy.—I am going to +bed—and, for the first time in my life, I +cannot put out the candle.</p> + +<p class="right"><span class="smcap">m. w.</span></p> + +<div class="footnotes"><h3>FOOTNOTES:</h3> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_67-A_21" id="DFootnote_67-A_21"></a><a href="#DFNanchor_67-A_21"><span class="label">[67-A]</span></a> To Original Stories.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_69-A_22" id="DFootnote_69-A_22"></a><a href="#DFNanchor_69-A_22"><span class="label">[69-A]</span></a> Countess Mount Cashel.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_82-A_23" id="DFootnote_82-A_23"></a><a href="#DFNanchor_82-A_23"><span class="label">[82-A]</span></a> This alludes to a foolish proposal of marriage +for mercenary considerations, which the gentleman +here mentioned thought proper to recommend to +her. The two letters which immediately follow, +are addressed to the gentleman himself.</p></div> +</div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-96" id="DPg_4-96"></a>[<a href="images/v4-96.png">96</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-97" id="DPg_4-97"></a>[<a href="images/v4-97.png">97</a>]</span></p> + +<h2><a name="EXTRACT" id="DEXTRACT"></a>EXTRACT</h2> + +<h4>OF THE</h4> + +<h2>CAVE OF FANCY.</h2> + +<h3>A TALE.</h3> + +<hr /> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p class="center">[<i>Begun to be written in the year 1787, but never completed</i>]</p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-98" id="DPg_4-98"></a>[<a href="images/v4-98.png">98</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-99" id="DPg_4-99"></a>[<a href="images/v4-99.png">99</a>]</span></p> + +<h2>CAVE OF FANCY.</h2> + + + +<hr class="short" /> +<h2><a name="DV4_CHAP_I" id="DV4_CHAP_I"></a>CHAP. I.</h2> + + +<p><span class="smcap">Ye</span> who expect constancy where every +thing is changing, and peace in the +midst of tumult, attend to the voice of +experience, and mark in time the footsteps +of disappointment, or life will be +lost in desultory wishes, and death arrive +before the dawn of wisdom.</p> + +<p>In a sequestered valley, surrounded by +rocky mountains that intercepted many +of the passing clouds, though sunbeams +variegated their ample sides, lived a +sage, to whom nature had unlocked<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-100" id="DPg_4-100"></a>[<a href="images/v4-100.png">100</a>]</span> +her most hidden secrets. His hollow +eyes, sunk in their orbits, retired from +the view of vulgar objects, and turned +inwards, overleaped the boundary prescribed +to human knowledge. Intense +thinking during fourscore and ten years, +had whitened the scattered locks on +his head, which, like the summit of +the distant mountain, appeared to be +bound by an eternal frost.</p> + +<p>On the sandy waste behind the mountains, +the track of ferocious beasts +might be traced, and sometimes the +mangled limbs which they left, attracted +a hovering flight of birds of prey. An +extensive wood the sage had forced to +rear its head in a soil by no means congenial, +and the firm trunks of the trees +seemed to frown with defiance on time; +though the spoils of innumerable summers +covered the roots, which resembled<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-101" id="DPg_4-101"></a>[<a href="images/v4-101.png">101</a>]</span> +fangs; so closely did they cling to the +unfriendly sand, where serpents hissed, +and snakes, rolling out their vast folds, +inhaled the noxious vapours. The ravens +and owls who inhabited the solitude, +gave also a thicker gloom to the +everlasting twilight, and the croaking +of the former a monotony, in unison +with the gloom; whilst lions and tygers, +shunning even this faint semblance of +day, sought the dark caverns, and at +night, when they shook off sleep, their +roaring would make the whole valley +resound, confounded with the screechings +of the bird of night.</p> + +<p>One mountain rose sublime, towering +above all, on the craggy sides of which +a few sea-weeds grew, washed by the +ocean, that with tumultuous roar rushed +to assault, and even undermine, the +huge barrier that stopped its progress;<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-102" id="DPg_4-102"></a>[<a href="images/v4-102.png">102</a>]</span> +and ever and anon a ponderous mass, +loosened from the cliff, to which it +scarcely seemed to adhere, always threatening +to fall, fell into the flood, rebounding +as it fell, and the sound was re-echoed +from rock to rock. Look where +you would, all was without form, as +if nature, suddenly stopping her hand, +had left chaos a retreat.</p> + +<p>Close to the most remote side of it +was the sage's abode. It was a rude +hut, formed of stumps of trees and +matted twigs, to secure him from the +inclemency of the weather; only through +small apertures crossed with rushes, the +wind entered in wild murmurs, modulated +by these obstructions. A clear +spring broke out of the middle of the +adjacent rock, which, dropping slowly +into a cavity it had hollowed, soon +overflowed, and then ran, struggling to<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-103" id="DPg_4-103"></a>[<a href="images/v4-103.png">103</a>]</span> +free itself from the cumbrous fragments, +till, become a deep, silent stream, it +escaped through reeds, and roots of +trees, whose blasted tops overhung and +darkened the current.</p> + +<p>One side of the hut was supported by +the rock, and at midnight, when the +sage struck the inclosed part, it yawned +wide, and admitted him into a cavern in +the very bowels of the earth, where +never human foot before had trod; and +the various spirits, which inhabit the +different regions of nature, were here +obedient to his potent word. The cavern +had been formed by the great +inundation of waters, when the approach +of a comet forced them from +their source; then, when the fountains +of the great deep were broken up, +a stream rushed out of the centre of the +earth, where the spirits, who have lived<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-104" id="DPg_4-104"></a>[<a href="images/v4-104.png">104</a>]</span> +on it, are confined to purify themselves +from the dross contracted in their first +stage of existence; and it flowed in +black waves, for ever bubbling along +the cave, the extent of which had never +been explored. From the sides and +top, water distilled, and, petrifying as +it fell, took fantastic shapes, that soon +divided it into apartments, if so they +might be called. In the foam, a wearied +spirit would sometimes rise, to catch +the most distant glimpse of light, or +taste the vagrant breeze, which the +yawning of the rock admitted, when +Sagestus, for that was the name of the +hoary sage, entered. Some, who were +refined and almost cleared from vicious +spots, he would allow to leave, for a limited +time, their dark prison-house; +and, flying on the winds across the bleak +northern ocean, or rising in an exhala<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-105" id="DPg_4-105"></a>[<a href="images/v4-105.png">105</a>]</span>tion +till they reached a sun-beam, they +thus re-visited the haunts of men. These +were the guardian angels, who in soft +whispers restrain the vicious, and animate +the wavering wretch who stands +suspended between virtue and vice.</p> + +<p>Sagestus had spent a night in the cavern, +as he often did, and he left the +silent vestibule of the grave, just as the +sun, emerging from the ocean, dispersed +the clouds, which were not half +so dense as those he had left. All that +was human in him rejoiced at the sight +of reviving life, and he viewed with +pleasure the mounting sap rising to expand +the herbs, which grew spontaneously +in this wild—when, turning his +eyes towards the sea, he found that +death had been at work during his absence, +and terrific marks of a furious +storm still spread horror around. Though<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-106" id="DPg_4-106"></a>[<a href="images/v4-106.png">106</a>]</span> +the day was serene, and threw bright +rays on eyes for ever shut, it dawned +not for the wretches who hung pendent +on the craggy rocks, or were stretched +lifeless on the sand. Some, struggling, +had dug themselves a grave; others +had resigned their breath before the +impetuous surge whirled them on shore. +A few, in whom the vital spark was +not so soon dislodged, had clung to +loose fragments; it was the grasp of +death; embracing the stone, they stiffened; +and the head, no longer erect, +rested on the mass which the arms encircled. +It felt not the agonizing gripe, +nor heard the sigh that broke the heart +in twain.</p> + +<p>Resting his chin on an oaken club, +the sage looked on every side, to see +if he could discern any who yet breathed. +He drew nearer, and thought he<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-107" id="DPg_4-107"></a>[<a href="images/v4-107.png">107</a>]</span> +saw, at the first glance, the unclosed eyes +glare; but soon perceived that they +were a mere glassy substance, mute as +the tongue; the jaws were fallen, and, +in some of the tangled locks, hands +were clinched; nay, even the nails +had entered sharpened by despair. The +blood flew rapidly to his heart; it was +flesh; he felt he was still a man, and +the big tear paced down his iron cheeks, +whose muscles had not for a long time +been relaxed by such humane emotions. +A moment he breathed quick, then +heaved a sigh, and his wonted calm +returned with an unaccustomed glow +of tenderness; for the ways of heaven +were not hid from him; he lifted up +his eyes to the common Father of nature, +and all was as still in his bosom, as +the smooth deep, after having closed<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-108" id="DPg_4-108"></a>[<a href="images/v4-108.png">108</a>]</span> +over the huge vessel from which the +wretches had fled.</p> + +<p>Turning round a part of the rock +that jutted out, meditating on the ways +of Providence, a weak infantine voice +reached his ears; it was lisping out the +name of mother. He looked, and beheld +a blooming child leaning over, and +kissing with eager fondness, lips that +were insensible to the warm pressure. +Starting at the sight of the sage, she +fixed her eyes on him, "Wake her, +ah! wake her," she cried, "or the +sea will catch us." Again he felt compassion, +for he saw that the mother +slept the sleep of death. He stretched +out his hand, and, smoothing his brow, +invited her to approach; but she still +intreated him to wake her mother, +whom she continued to call, with an +impatient tremulous voice. To detach<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-109" id="DPg_4-109"></a>[<a href="images/v4-109.png">109</a>]</span> +her from the body by persuasion would +not have been very easy. Sagestus had +a quicker method to effect his purpose; +he took out a box which contained a +soporific powder, and as soon as the +fumes reached her brain, the powers of +life were suspended.</p> + +<p>He carried her directly to his hut, +and left her sleeping profoundly on his +rushy couch.</p> + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-110" id="DPg_4-110"></a>[<a href="images/v4-110.png">110</a>]</span></p> +<h2><a name="DV4_CHAP_II" id="DV4_CHAP_II"></a>CHAP. II.</h2> + + +<p><span class="smcap">Again</span> Sagestus approached the +dead, to view them with a more scrutinizing +eye. He was perfectly acquainted +with the construction of the +human body, knew the traces that virtue +or vice leaves on the whole frame; +they were now indelibly fixed by death; +nay more, he knew by the shape of +the solid structure, how far the spirit +could range, and saw the barrier beyond +which it could not pass: the mazes of +fancy he explored, measured the stretch +of thought, and, weighing all in an +even balance, could tell whom nature +had stamped an hero, a poet, or philosopher.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-111" id="DPg_4-111"></a>[<a href="images/v4-111.png">111</a>]</span> +By their appearance, at a transient +glance, he knew that the vessel must +have contained many passengers, and +that some of them were above the vulgar, +with respect to fortune and education; +he then walked leisurely among +the dead, and narrowly observed their +pallid features.</p> + +<p>His eye first rested on a form in which +proportion reigned, and, stroking back +the hair, a spacious forehead met his +view; warm fancy had revelled there, +and her airy dance had left vestiges, +scarcely visible to a mortal eye. Some +perpendicular lines pointed out that +melancholy had predominated in his +constitution; yet the straggling hairs +of his eye-brows showed that anger had +often shook his frame; indeed, the +four temperatures, like the four elements, +had resided in this little world,<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-112" id="DPg_4-112"></a>[<a href="images/v4-112.png">112</a>]</span> +and produced harmony. The whole +visage was bony, and an energetic +frown had knit the flexible skin of his +brow; the kingdom within had been +extensive; and the wild creations of +fancy had there "a local habitation +and a name." So exquisite was his +sensibility, so quick his comprehension, +that he perceived various combinations +in an instant; he caught truth as she +darted towards him, saw all her fair +proportion at a glance, and the flash of +his eye spoke the quick senses which +conveyed intelligence to his mind; the +sensorium indeed was capacious, and +the sage imagined he saw the lucid +beam, sparkling with love or ambition, +in characters of fire, which a graceful +curve of the upper eyelid shaded. The +lips were a little deranged by contempt; +and a mixture of vanity and<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-113" id="DPg_4-113"></a>[<a href="images/v4-113.png">113</a>]</span> +self-complacency formed a few irregular +lines round them. The chin had +suffered from sensuality, yet there were +still great marks of vigour in it, as if +advanced with stern dignity. The +hand accustomed to command, and even +tyrannize, was unnerved; but its appearance +convinced Sagestus, that he +had oftener wielded a thought than a +weapon; and that he had silenced, by +irresistible conviction, the superficial +disputant, and the being, who doubted +because he had not strength to believe, +who, wavering between different borrowed +opinions, first caught at one +straw, then at another, unable to settle +into any consistency of character. After +gazing a few moments, Sagestus turned +away exclaiming, How are the stately +oaks torn up by a tempest, and the bow<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-114" id="DPg_4-114"></a>[<a href="images/v4-114.png">114</a>]</span> +unstrung, that could force the arrow +beyond the ken of the eye!</p> + +<p>What a different face next met his +view! The forehead was short, yet well +set together; the nose small, but a little +turned up at the end; and a draw-down +at the sides of his mouth, proved that +he had been a humourist, who minded +the main chance, and could joke with +his acquaintance, while he eagerly devoured +a dainty which he was not to +pay for. His lips shut like a box whose +hinges had often been mended; and +the muscles, which display the soft emotion +of the heart on the cheeks, were +grown quite rigid, so that, the vessels +that should have moistened them not +having much communication with the +grand source of passions, the fine volatile +fluid had evaporated, and they +became mere dry fibres, which might<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-115" id="DPg_4-115"></a>[<a href="images/v4-115.png">115</a>]</span> +be pulled by any misfortune that +threatened himself, but were not sufficiently +elastic to be moved by the +miseries of others. His joints were +inserted compactly, and with celerity +they had performed all the animal +functions, without any of the grace +which results from the imagination +mixing with the senses.</p> + +<p>A huge form was stretched near him, +that exhibited marks of overgrown +infancy; every part was relaxed; all +appeared imperfect. Yet, some undulating +lines on the puffed-out cheeks, +displayed signs of timid, servile good +nature; and the skin of the forehead +had been so often drawn up by wonder, +that the few hairs of the eyebrows were +fixed in a sharp arch, whilst an ample +chin rested in lobes of flesh on his protuberant +breast.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-116" id="DPg_4-116"></a>[<a href="images/v4-116.png">116</a>]</span> +By his side was a body that had +scarcely ever much life in it—sympathy +seemed to have drawn them together—every +feature and limb was round and +fleshy, and, if a kind of brutal cunning +had not marked the face, it might have +been mistaken for an automaton, so unmixed +was the phlegmatic fluid. The +vital spark was buried deep in a soft +mass of matter, resembling the pith in +young elder, which, when found, is so +equivocal, that it only appears a moister +part of the same body.</p> + +<p>Another part of the beach was +covered with sailors, whose bodies exhibited +marks of strength and brutal +courage.—Their characters were all +different, though of the same class; +Sagestus did not stay to discriminate +them, satisfied with a rough sketch. +He saw indolence roused by a love of<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-117" id="DPg_4-117"></a>[<a href="images/v4-117.png">117</a>]</span> +humour, or rather bodily fun; sensuality +and prodigality with a vein of generosity +running through it; a contempt +of danger with gross superstition; +supine senses, only to be kept alive by +noisy, tumultuous pleasures, or that +kind of novelty which borders on absurdity: +this formed the common outline, +and the rest were rather dabs than +shades.</p> + +<p>Sagestus paused, and remembered it +had been said by an earthly wit, that +"many a flower is born to blush unseen, +and waste its sweetness on the +desart air." How little, he exclaimed, +did that poet know of the ways of +heaven! And yet, in this respect, they +are direct; the hands before me, were +designed to pull a rope, knock down a +sheep, or perform the servile offices of +life; no "mute, inglorious poet" rests<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-118" id="DPg_4-118"></a>[<a href="images/v4-118.png">118</a>]</span> +amongst them, and he who is superior +to his fellow, does not rise above mediocrity. +The genius that sprouts from +a dunghil soon shakes off the heterogenous +mass; those only grovel, who +have not power to fly.</p> + +<p>He turned his step towards the mother +of the orphan: another female +was at some distance; and a man who, +by his garb, might have been the husband, +or brother, of the former, was +not far off.</p> + +<p>Him the sage surveyed with an attentive +eye, and bowed with respect +to the inanimate clay, that lately had +been the dwelling of a most benevolent +spirit. The head was square, though +the features were not very prominent; +but there was a great harmony in every +part, and the turn of the nostrils and +lips evinced, that the soul must have<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-119" id="DPg_4-119"></a>[<a href="images/v4-119.png">119</a>]</span> +had taste, to which they had served as +organs. Penetration and judgment +were seated on the brows that overhung +the eye. Fixed as it was, Sagestus +quickly discerned the expression +it must have had; dark and pensive, +rather from slowness of comprehension +than melancholy, it seemed to absorb +the light of knowledge, to drink it in +ray by ray; nay, a new one was not +allowed to enter his head till the last +was arranged: an opinion was thus +cautiously received, and maturely +weighed, before it was added to the +general stock. As nature led him to +mount from a part to the whole, he +was most conversant with the beautiful, +and rarely comprehended the sublime; +yet, said Sagestus, with a softened tone, +he was all heart, full of forbearance, and +desirous to please every fellow-creature;<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-120" id="DPg_4-120"></a>[<a href="images/v4-120.png">120</a>]</span> +but from a nobler motive than a love +of admiration; the fumes of vanity +never mounted to cloud his brain, or +tarnish his beneficence. The fluid in +which those placid eyes swam, is now +congealed; how often has tenderness +given them the finest water! Some +torn parts of the child's dress hung +round his arm, which led the sage to +conclude, that he had saved the child; +every line in his face confirmed the +conjecture; benevolence indeed strung +the nerves that naturally were not +very firm; it was the great knot that +tied together the scattered qualities, +and gave the distinct stamp to the character.</p> + +<p>The female whom he next approached, +and supposed to be an attendant on +the other, was below the middle size, +and her legs were so disproportionably<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-121" id="DPg_4-121"></a>[<a href="images/v4-121.png">121</a>]</span> +short, that, when she moved, she must +have waddled along; her elbows were +drawn in to touch her long taper, waist, +and the air of her whole body was an +affectation of gentility. Death could +not alter the rigid hang of her limbs, or +efface the simper that had stretched her +mouth; the lips were thin, as if nature +intended she should mince her words; +her nose was small, and sharp at the +end; and the forehead, unmarked by +eyebrows, was wrinkled by the discontent +that had sunk her cheeks, on +which Sagestus still discerned faint +traces of tenderness; and fierce good-nature, +he perceived had sometimes +animated the little spark of an eye that +anger had oftener lighted. The same +thought occurred to him that the sight +of the sailors had suggested, Men and +women are all in their proper places<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-122" id="DPg_4-122"></a>[<a href="images/v4-122.png">122</a>]</span>—this +female was intended to fold up +linen and nurse the sick.</p> + +<p>Anxious to observe the mother of +his charge, he turned to the lily that +had been so rudely snapped, and, carefully +observing it, traced every fine line +to its source. There was a delicacy in +her form, so truly feminine, that an involuntary +desire to cherish such a being, +made the sage again feel the almost forgotten +sensations of his nature. On +observing her more closely, he discovered +that her natural delicacy had been +increased by an improper education, +to a degree that took away all vigour +from her faculties. And its baneful +influence had had such an effect on her +mind, that few traces of the exertions +of it appeared on her face, though the +fine finish of her features, and particularly +the form of the forehead, con<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-123" id="DPg_4-123"></a>[<a href="images/v4-123.png">123</a>]</span>vinced +the sage that her understanding +might have risen considerably above +mediocrity, had the wheels ever been +put in motion; but, clogged by prejudices, +they never turned quite round, +and, whenever she considered a subject, +she stopped before she came to a conclusion. +Assuming a mask of propriety, +she had banished nature; yet +its tendency was only to be diverted, +not stifled. Some lines, which took +from the symmetry of the mouth, not +very obvious to a superficial observer, +struck Sagestus, and they appeared to +him characters of indolent obstinacy. +Not having courage to form an opinion +of her own, she adhered, with blind +partiality, to those she adopted, which +she received in the lump, and, as they +always remained unopened, of course +she only saw the even gloss on the out<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-124" id="DPg_4-124"></a>[<a href="images/v4-124.png">124</a>]</span>side. +Vestiges of anger were visible on +her brow, and the sage concluded, that +she had often been offended with, and +indeed would scarcely make any allowance +for, those who did not coincide +with her in opinion, as things always +appear self-evident that have never +been examined; yet her very weakness +gave a charming timidity to her countenance; +goodness and tenderness pervaded +every lineament, and melted in +her dark blue eyes. The compassion +that wanted activity, was sincere, though +it only embellished her face, or produced +casual acts of charity when a +moderate alms could relieve present +distress. Unacquainted with life, fictitious, +unnatural distress drew the tears +that were not shed for real misery. In +its own shape, human wretchedness +excites a little disgust in the mind that<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-125" id="DPg_4-125"></a>[<a href="images/v4-125.png">125</a>]</span> +has indulged sickly refinement. Perhaps +the sage gave way to a little conjecture +in drawing the last conclusion; +but his conjectures generally arose from +distinct ideas, and a dawn of light +allowed him to see a great way farther +than common mortals.</p> + +<p>He was now convinced that the orphan +was not very unfortunate in having +lost such a mother. The parent that +inspires fond affection without respect, +is seldom an useful one; and they only +are respectable, who consider right and +wrong abstracted from local forms and +accidental modifications.</p> + +<p>Determined to adopt the child, he +named it after himself, Sagesta, and +retired to the hut where the innocent +slept, to think of the best method of +educating this child, whom the angry +deep had spared.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-126" id="DPg_4-126"></a>[<a href="images/v4-126.png">126</a>]</span> +[The last branch of the education of +Sagesta, consisted of a variety of characters +and stories presented to her +in the Cave of Fancy, of which the +following is a specimen.]</p> + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-127" id="DPg_4-127"></a>[<a href="images/v4-127.png">127</a>]</span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAP" id="DCHAP"></a>CHAP.</h2> + + +<p><span class="smcap">A form</span> now approached that +particularly struck and interested Sagesta. +The sage, observing what passed in her +mind, bade her ever trust to the first +impression. In life, he continued, try +to remember the effect the first appearance +of a stranger has on your mind; +and, in proportion to your sensibility, +you may decide on the character. Intelligence +glances from eyes that have +the same pursuits, and a benevolent +heart soon traces the marks of benevolence +on the countenance of an unknown +fellow-creature; and not only +the countenance, but the gestures, the<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-128" id="DPg_4-128"></a>[<a href="images/v4-128.png">128</a>]</span> +voice, loudly speak truth to the unprejudiced +mind.</p> + +<p>Whenever a stranger advances towards +you with a tripping step, receives +you with broad smiles, and a profusion +of compliments, and yet you find yourself +embarrassed and unable to return +the salutation with equal cordiality, be +assured that such a person is affected, +and endeavours to maintain a very good +character in the eyes of the world, +without really practising the social virtues +which dress the face in looks of +unfeigned complacency. Kindred minds +are drawn to each other by expressions +which elude description; and, like the +calm breeze that plays on a smooth +lake, they are rather felt than seen. +Beware of a man who always appears in +good humour; a selfish design too frequently +lurks in the smiles the heart<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-129" id="DPg_4-129"></a>[<a href="images/v4-129.png">129</a>]</span> +never curved; or there is an affectation +of candour that destroys all strength of +character, by blending truth and falshood +into an unmeaning mass. The +mouth, in fact, seems to be the feature +where you may trace every kind of dissimulation, +from the simper of vanity, +to the fixed smile of the designing villain. +Perhaps, the modulations of +the voice will still more quickly give +a key to the character than even the +turns of the mouth, or the words +that issue from it; often do the +tones of unpractised dissemblers give +the lie to their assertions. Many +people never speak in an unnatural +voice, but when they are insincere: the +phrases not corresponding with the +dictates of the heart, have nothing to +keep them in tune. In the course of +an argument however, you may easily +discover whether vanity or conviction<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-130" id="DPg_4-130"></a>[<a href="images/v4-130.png">130</a>]</span> +stimulates the disputant, though his +inflated countenance may be turned +from you, and you may not see the +gestures which mark self-sufficiency. +He stopped, and the spirit began.</p> + +<p>I have wandered through the cave; +and, as soon as I have taught you a useful +lesson, I shall take my flight where +my tears will cease to flow, and where +mine eyes will no more be shocked +with the sight of guilt and sorrow. +Before many moons have changed, +thou wilt enter, O mortal! into that +world I have lately left. Listen to my +warning voice, and trust not too much +to the goodness which I perceive resides +in thy breast. Let it be reined in by +principles, lest thy very virtue sharpen +the sting of remorse, which as naturally +follows disorder in the moral world, as +pain attends on intemperance in the<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-131" id="DPg_4-131"></a>[<a href="images/v4-131.png">131</a>]</span> +physical. But my history will afford you +more instruction than mere advice. Sagestus +concurred in opinion with her, +observing that the senses of children +should be the first object of improvement; +then their passions worked on; and judgment +the fruit, must be the acquirement +of the being itself, when out of +leading-strings. The spirit bowed assent, +and, without any further prelude, +entered on her history.</p> + +<p>My mother was a most respectable +character, but she was yoked to a man +whose follies and vices made her ever +feel the weight of her chains. The +first sensation I recollect, was pity; for +I have seen her weep over me and the +rest of her babes, lamenting that the +extravagance of a father would throw +us destitute on the world. But, though +my father was extravagant, and seldom<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-132" id="DPg_4-132"></a>[<a href="images/v4-132.png">132</a>]</span> +thought of any thing but his own pleasures, +our education was not neglected. +In solitude, this employment was my +mother's only solace; and my father's +pride made him procure us masters; +nay, sometimes he was so gratified by +our improvement, that he would embrace +us with tenderness, and intreat +my mother to forgive him, with marks +of real contrition. But the affection his +penitence gave rise to, only served to +expose her to continual disappointments, +and keep hope alive merely to +torment her. After a violent debauch +he would let his beard grow, and the +sadness that reigned in the house I shall +never forget; he was ashamed to meet +even the eyes of his children. This is so +contrary to the nature of things, it +gave me exquisite pain; I used, at those +times, to show him extreme respect. I<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-133" id="DPg_4-133"></a>[<a href="images/v4-133.png">133</a>]</span> +could not bear to see my parent humble +himself before me. However neither +his constitution, nor fortune could +long bear the constant waste. He had, +I have observed, a childish affection +for his children, which was displayed +in caresses that gratified him for the +moment, yet never restrained the headlong +fury of his appetites; his momentary +repentance wrung his heart, without +influencing his conduct; and he died, +leaving an encumbered wreck of a good +estate.</p> + +<p>As we had always lived in splendid +poverty, rather than in affluence, the +shock was not so great; and my mother +repressed her anguish, and concealed +some circumstances, that she might not +shed a destructive mildew over the +gaiety of youth.</p> + +<p>So fondly did I doat on this dear pa<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-134" id="DPg_4-134"></a>[<a href="images/v4-134.png">134</a>]</span>rent, +that she engrossed all my tenderness; +her sorrows had knit me firmly to +her, and my chief care was to give her +proofs of affection. The gallantry that +afforded my companions, the few young +people my mother forced me to mix +with, so much pleasure, I despised; I +wished more to be loved than admired, +for I could love. I adored virtue; and +my imagination, chasing a chimerical +object, overlooked the common pleasures +of life; they were not sufficient for my +happiness. A latent fire made me burn +to rise superior to my contemporaries in +wisdom and virtue; and tears of joy +and emulation filled my eyes when I +read an account of a great action—I +felt admiration, not astonishment.</p> + +<p>My mother had two particular friends, +who endeavoured to settle her affairs; +one was a middle-aged man, a mer<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-135" id="DPg_4-135"></a>[<a href="images/v4-135.png">135</a>]</span>chant; +the human breast never enshrined +a more benevolent heart. His +manners were rather rough, and he +bluntly spoke his thoughts without observing +the pain it gave; yet he possessed +extreme tenderness, as far as his discernment +went. Men do not make +sufficient distinction, said she, digressing +from her story to address Sagestus, between +tenderness and sensibility.</p> + +<p>To give the shortest definition of sensibility, +replied the sage, I should say +that it is the result of acute senses, finely +fashioned nerves, which vibrate at the +slightest touch, and convey such clear intelligence +to the brain, that it does not +require to be arranged by the judgment. +Such persons instantly enter into the +characters of others, and instinctively +discern what will give pain to every +human being; their own feelings are<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-136" id="DPg_4-136"></a>[<a href="images/v4-136.png">136</a>]</span> +so varied that they seem to contain in +themselves, not only all the passions of the +species, but their various modifications. +Exquisite pain and pleasure is their +portion; nature wears for them a different +aspect than is displayed to common +mortals. One moment it is a paradise; +all is beautiful: a cloud arises, an emotion +receives a sudden damp; darkness +invades the sky, and the world is an +unweeded garden;—but go on with +your narrative, said Sagestus, recollecting +himself.</p> + +<p>She proceeded. The man I am describing +was humanity itself; but frequently +he did not understand me; many of my +feelings were not to be analyzed by +his common sense. His friendships, +for he had many friends, gave him pleasure +unmixed with pain; his religion +was coldly reasonable, because he want<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-137" id="DPg_4-137"></a>[<a href="images/v4-137.png">137</a>]</span>ed +fancy, and he did not feel the necessity +of finding, or creating, a perfect +object, to answer the one engraved on +his heart: the sketch there was faint. +He went with the stream, and rather +caught a character from the society he +lived in, than spread one around him. +In my mind many opinions were graven +with a pen of brass, which he thought +chimerical: but time could not erase +them, and I now recognize them as +the seeds of eternal happiness: they +will soon expand in those realms where +I shall enjoy the bliss adapted to my +nature; this is all we need ask of the +Supreme Being; happiness must follow +the completion of his designs. He +however could live quietly, without +giving a preponderancy to many important +opinions that continually obtruded +on my mind; not having an en<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-138" id="DPg_4-138"></a>[<a href="images/v4-138.png">138</a>]</span>thusiastic +affection for his fellow creatures, +he did them good, without suffering +from their follies. He was particularly +attached to me, and I felt for +him all the affection of a daughter; +often, when he had been interesting +himself to promote my welfare, have I +lamented that he was not my father; +lamented that the vices of mine had +dried up one source of pure affection.</p> + +<p>The other friend I have already alluded +to, was of a very different character; +greatness of mind, and those +combinations of feeling which are so +difficult to describe, raised him above +the throng, that bustle their hour out, +lie down to sleep, and are forgotten. +But I shall soon see him, she exclaimed, +as much superior to his former self, as +he then rose in my eyes above his fellow +creatures! As she spoke, a glow<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-139" id="DPg_4-139"></a>[<a href="images/v4-139.png">139</a>]</span> +of delight animated each feature; her +countenance appeared transparent; and +she silently anticipated the happiness +she should enjoy, when she entered those +mansions, where death-divided friends +should meet, to part no more; where +human weakness could not damp their +bliss, or poison the cup of joy that, on +earth, drops from the lips as soon as +tasted, or, if some daring mortal snatches +a hasty draught, what was sweet to the +taste becomes a root of bitterness.</p> + +<p>He was unfortunate, had many cares +to struggle with, and I marked on his +cheeks traces of the same sorrows that +sunk my own. He was unhappy I say, +and perhaps pity might first have awoke +my tenderness; for, early in life, an +artful woman worked on his compassionate +soul, and he united his fate to +a being made up of such jarring ele<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-140" id="DPg_4-140"></a>[<a href="images/v4-140.png">140</a>]</span>ments, +that he was still alone. The +discovery did not extinguish that propensity +to love, a high sense of virtue +fed. I saw him sick and unhappy, +without a friend to sooth the hours +languor made heavy; often did I sit a +long winter's evening by his side, railing +at the swift wings of time, and +terming my love, humanity.</p> + +<p>Two years passed in this manner, silently +rooting my affection; and it might +have continued calm, if a fever had +not brought him to the very verge of +the grave. Though still deceived, I was +miserable that the customs of the world +did not allow me to watch by him; +when sleep forsook his pillow, my wearied +eyes were not closed, and my +anxious spirit hovered round his bed. +I saw him, before he had recovered his +strength; and, when his hand touched<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-141" id="DPg_4-141"></a>[<a href="images/v4-141.png">141</a>]</span> +mine, life almost retired, or flew to +meet the touch. The first look found +a ready way to my heart, and thrilled +through every vein. We were left +alone, and insensibly began to talk of +the immortality of the soul; I declared +that I could not live without this conviction. +In the ardour of conversation +he pressed my hand to his heart; it +rested there a moment, and my emotions +gave weight to my opinion, for +the affection we felt was not of a perishable +nature.—A silence ensued, I +know not how long; he then threw +my hand from him, as if it had been a +serpent; formally complained of the +weather, and adverted to twenty other +uninteresting subjects. Vain efforts! +Our hearts had already spoken to +each other.</p> + +<p>Feebly did I afterwards combat an<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-142" id="DPg_4-142"></a>[<a href="images/v4-142.png">142</a>]</span> +affection, which seemed twisted in every +fibre of my heart. The world stood still +when I thought of him; it moved heavily +at best, with one whose very constitution +seemed to mark her out for misery. +But I will not dwell on the passion +I too fondly nursed. One only refuge +had I on earth; I could not resolutely +desolate the scene my fancy flew to, +when worldly cares, when a knowledge +of mankind, which my circumstances +forced on me, rendered every other +insipid. I was afraid of the unmarked +vacuity of common life; yet, though I +supinely indulged myself in fairy-land, +when I ought to have been more actively +employed, virtue was still the +first mover of my actions; she dressed +my love in such enchanting colours, +and spread the net I could never break. +Our corresponding feelings confounded<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-143" id="DPg_4-143"></a>[<a href="images/v4-143.png">143</a>]</span> +our very souls; and in many conversations +we almost intuitively discerned +each other's sentiments; the heart opened +itself, not chilled by reserve, nor +afraid of misconstruction. But, if virtue +inspired love, love gave new energy to +virtue, and absorbed every selfish passion. +Never did even a wish escape +me, that my lover should not fulfil the +hard duties which fate had imposed on +him. I only dissembled with him in +one particular; I endeavoured to soften +his wife's too conspicuous follies, and +extenuated her failings in an indirect +manner. To this I was prompted by a +loftiness of spirit; I should have broken +the band of life, had I ceased to respect +myself. But I will hasten to an important +change in my circumstances.</p> + +<p>My mother, who had concealed the +real state of her affairs from me, was<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-144" id="DPg_4-144"></a>[<a href="images/v4-144.png">144</a>]</span> +now impelled to make me her confident, +that I might assist to discharge +her mighty debt of gratitude. The +merchant, my more than father, had +privately assisted her: but a fatal civil-war +reduced his large property to a +bare competency; and an inflammation +in his eyes, that arose from a cold he +had caught at a wreck, which he watched +during a stormy night to keep off +the lawless colliers, almost deprived +him of sight. His life had been spent +in society, and he scarcely knew how +to fill the void; for his spirit would not +allow him to mix with his former +equals as an humble companion; he +who had been treated with uncommon +respect, could not brook their insulting +pity. From the resource of solitude, +reading, the complaint in his eyes cut<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-145" id="DPg_4-145"></a>[<a href="images/v4-145.png">145</a>]</span> +him off, and he became our constant +visitor.</p> + +<p>Actuated by the sincerest affection, +I used to read to him, and he mistook +my tenderness for love. How could I +undeceive him, when every circumstance +frowned on him! Too soon I +found that I was his only comfort; I, +who rejected his hand when fortune +smiled, could not now second her blow; +and, in a moment of enthusiastic gratitude +and tender compassion, I offered +him my hand.—It was received with +pleasure; transport was not made for +his soul; nor did he discover that nature +had separated us, by making me +alive to such different sensations. My +mother was to live with us, and I +dwelt on this circumstance to banish +cruel recollections, when the bent bow +returned to its former state.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-146" id="DPg_4-146"></a>[<a href="images/v4-146.png">146</a>]</span> +With a bursting heart and a firm +voice, I named the day when I was to +seal my promise. It came, in spite of +my regret; I had been previously preparing +myself for the awful ceremony, +and answered the solemn question with +a resolute tone, that would silence the +dictates of my heart; it was a forced, +unvaried one; had nature modulated +it, my secret would have escaped. My +active spirit was painfully on the watch +to repress every tender emotion. The +joy in my venerable parent's countenance, +the tenderness of my husband, +as he conducted me home, for I really +had a sincere affection for him, the gratulations +of my mind, when I thought +that this sacrifice was heroic, all tended +to deceive me; but the joy of victory +over the resigned, pallid look of my +lover, haunted my imagination, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-147" id="DPg_4-147"></a>[<a href="images/v4-147.png">147</a>]</span> +fixed itself in the centre of my brain.—Still +I imagined, that his spirit was near +me, that he only felt sorrow for my +loss, and without complaint resigned +me to my duty.</p> + +<p>I was left alone a moment; my two +elbows rested on a table to support my +chin. Ten thousand thoughts darted +with astonishing velocity through my +mind. My eyes were dry; I was on the +brink of madness. At this moment a +strange association was made by my +imagination; I thought of Gallileo, who +when he left the inquisition, looked +upwards, and cried out, "Yet it moves." +A shower of tears, like the refreshing +drops of heaven, relieved my parched +sockets; they fell disregarded on the +table; and, stamping with my foot, in an +agony I exclaimed, "Yet I love." My +husband entered before I had calmed<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-148" id="DPg_4-148"></a>[<a href="images/v4-148.png">148</a>]</span> +these tumultuous emotions, and tenderly +took my hand. I snatched it from +him; grief and surprise were marked +on his countenance; I hastily stretched +it out again. My heart smote me, and I +removed the transient mist by an unfeigned +endeavour to please him.</p> + +<p>A few months after, my mind grew +calmer; and, if a treacherous imagination, +if feelings many accidents revived, +sometimes plunged me into melancholy, +I often repeated with steady +conviction, that virtue was not an +empty name, and that, in following the +dictates of duty, I had not bidden adieu +to content.</p> + +<p>In the course of a few years, the +dear object of my fondest affection, +said farewel, in dying accents. Thus +left alone, my grief became dear; and I +did not feel solitary, because I thought<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-149" id="DPg_4-149"></a>[<a href="images/v4-149.png">149</a>]</span> +I might, without a crime, indulge a +passion, that grew more ardent than ever +when my imagination only presented +him to my view, and restored my former +activity of soul which the late +calm had rendered torpid. I seemed to +find myself again, to find the eccentric +warmth that gave me identity of character. +Reason had governed my conduct, +but could not change my nature; +this voluptuous sorrow was superior to +every gratification of sense, and death +more firmly united our hearts.</p> + +<p>Alive to every human affection, I +smoothed my mothers passage to eternity, +and so often gave my husband +sincere proofs of affection, he never +supposed that I was actuated by a more +fervent attachment. My melancholy, +my uneven spirits, he attributed to my +extreme sensibility, and loved me the<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-150" id="DPg_4-150"></a>[<a href="images/v4-150.png">150</a>]</span> +better for possessing qualities he could +not comprehend.</p> + +<p>At the close of a summer's day, some +years after, I wandered with careless +steps over a pathless common; various +anxieties had rendered the hours which +the sun had enlightened heavy; sober +evening came on; I wished to still "my +mind, and woo lone quiet in her silent +walk." The scene accorded with my +feelings; it was wild and grand; and +the spreading twilight had almost confounded +the distant sea with the barren, +blue hills that melted from my sight. +I sat down on a rising ground; the rays +of the departing sun illumined the horizon, +but so indistinctly, that I anticipated +their total extinction. The +death of Nature led me to a still more +interesting subject, that came home to +my bosom, the death of him I loved.<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-151" id="DPg_4-151"></a>[<a href="images/v4-151.png">151</a>]</span> +A village-bell was tolling; I listened, +and thought of the moment when I +heard his interrupted breath, and felt +the agonizing fear, that the same sound +would never more reach my ears, and +that the intelligence glanced from my +eyes, would no more be felt. The +spoiler had seized his prey; the sun +was fled, what was this world to me! +I wandered to another, where death +and darkness could not enter; I pursued +the sun beyond the mountains, +and the soul escaped from this vale of +tears. My reflections were tinged with +melancholy, but they were sublime.—I +grasped a mighty whole, and smiled +on the king of terrors; the tie which +bound me to my friends he could not +break; the same mysterious knot united +me to the source of all goodness and +happiness. I had seen the divinity re<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-152" id="DPg_4-152"></a>[<a href="images/v4-152.png">152</a>]</span>flected +in a face I loved; I had read +immortal characters displayed on a +human countenance, and forgot myself +whilst I gazed. I could not think of +immortality, without recollecting the +ecstacy I felt, when my heart first whispered +to me that I was beloved; and +again did I feel the sacred tie of mutual +affection; fervently I prayed to the father +of mercies; and rejoiced that he +could see every turn of a heart, whose +movements I could not perfectly understand. +My passion seemed a pledge +of immortality; I did not wish to hide +it from the all-searching eye of heaven. +Where indeed could I go from his presence? +and, whilst it was dear to me, +though darkness might reign during +the night of life, joy would come when +I awoke to life everlasting.</p> + +<p>I now turned my step towards home,<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-153" id="DPg_4-153"></a>[<a href="images/v4-153.png">153</a>]</span> +when the appearance of a girl, who +stood weeping on the common, attracted +my attention. I accosted her, +and soon heard her simple tale; that her +father was gone to sea, and her mother +sick in bed. I followed her to their +little dwelling, and relieved the sick +wretch. I then again sought my own +abode; but death did not now haunt +my fancy. Contriving to give the poor +creature I had left more effectual relief, +I reached my own garden-gate very +weary, and rested on it.—Recollecting +the turns of my mind during the walk, +I exclaimed, Surely life may thus be +enlivened by active benevolence, and +the sleep of death, like that I am now +disposed to fall into, may be sweet!</p> + +<p>My life was now unmarked by any +extraordinary change, and a few days<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-154" id="DPg_4-154"></a>[<a href="images/v4-154.png">154</a>]</span> +ago I entered this cavern; for through +it every mortal must pass; and here I +have discovered, that I neglected many +opportunities of being useful, whilst I +fostered a devouring flame. Remorse +has not reached me, because I firmly +adhered to my principles, and I have +also discovered that I saw through a +false medium. Worthy as the mortal +was I adored, I should not long have +loved him with the ardour I did, had +fate united us, and broken the delusion +the imagination so artfully wove. His +virtues, as they now do, would have +extorted my esteem; but he who formed +the human soul, only can fill it, and the +chief happiness of an immortal being +must arise from the same source as its +existence. Earthly love leads to heavenly, +and prepares us for a more ex<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-155" id="DPg_4-155"></a>[<a href="images/v4-155.png">155</a>]</span>alted +state; if it does not change its +nature, and destroy itself, by trampling +on the virtue, that constitutes its essence, +and allies us to the Deity.</p> + + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-156" id="DPg_4-156"></a>[<a href="images/v4-156.png">156</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-157" id="DPg_4-157"></a>[<a href="images/v4-157.png">157</a>]</span></p> + +<h4><a name="ON" id="DON"></a>ON</h4> + +<h2>POETRY,</h2> + +<h4>AND</h4> + +<h3>OUR RELISH FOR THE BEAUTIES OF NATURE.</h3> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-158" id="DPg_4-158"></a>[<a href="images/v4-158.png">158</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-159" id="DPg_4-159"></a>[<a href="images/v4-159.png">159</a>]</span></p> + +<h3>ON</h3> + +<h2>POETRY, &c.</h2> +<hr class="short" /> +<p><span class="smcap">A taste</span> for rural scenes, in the +present state of society, appears to be +very often an artificial sentiment, rather +inspired by poetry and romances, +than a real perception of the beauties +of nature. But, as it is reckoned a +proof of refined taste to praise the calm +pleasures which the country affords, the +theme is never exhausted. Yet it may +be made a question, whether this ro<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-160" id="DPg_4-160"></a>[<a href="images/v4-160.png">160</a>]</span>mantic +kind of declamation, has much +effect on the conduct of those, who +leave, for a season, the crowded cities +in which they were bred.</p> + +<p>I have been led to these reflections, +by observing, when I have resided for +any length of time in the country, how +few people seem to contemplate nature +with their own eyes. I have "brushed +the dew away" in the morning; but, +pacing over the printless grass, I have +wondered that, in such delightful situations, +the sun was allowed to rise in +solitary majesty, whilst my eyes alone +hailed its beautifying beams. The +webs of the evening have still been +spread across the hedged path, unless +some labouring man, trudging to work, +disturbed the fairy structure; yet, in +spite of this supineness, when I joined<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-161" id="DPg_4-161"></a>[<a href="images/v4-161.png">161</a>]</span> +the social circle, every tongue rang +changes on the pleasures of the country.</p> + +<p>Having frequently had occasion to +make the same observation, I was led to +endeavour, in one of my solitary rambles, +to trace the cause, and likewise +to enquire why the poetry written in +the infancy of society, is most natural: +which, strictly speaking (for <i>natural</i> +is a very indefinite expression) is merely +to say, that it is the transcript of immediate +sensations, in all their native +wildness and simplicity, when fancy, +awakened by the sight of interesting +objects, was most actively at work. +At such moments, sensibility quickly +furnishes similes, and the sublimated +spirits combine images, which rising +spontaneously, it is not necessary coldly +to ransack the understanding or memory, +till the laborious efforts of judg<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-162" id="DPg_4-162"></a>[<a href="images/v4-162.png">162</a>]</span>ment +exclude present sensations, and +damp the fire of enthusiasm.</p> + +<p>The effusions of a vigorous mind, will +ever tell us how far the understanding +has been enlarged by thought, and +stored with knowledge. The richness +of the soil even appears on the surface; +and the result of profound thinking, +often mixing, with playful grace, in the +reveries of the poet, smoothly incorporates +with the ebullitions of animal +spirits, when the finely fashioned nerve +vibrates acutely with rapture, or when, +relaxed by soft melancholy, a pleasing +languor prompts the long-drawn sigh, +and feeds the slowly falling tear.</p> + +<p>The poet, the man of strong feelings, +gives us only an image of his mind, +when he was actually alone, conversing +with himself, and marking the impression +which nature had made on his<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-163" id="DPg_4-163"></a>[<a href="images/v4-163.png">163</a>]</span> +own heart.—If, at this sacred moment, +the idea of some departed friend, some +tender recollection when the soul was +most alive to tenderness, intruded unawares +into his thoughts, the sorrow +which it produced is artlessly, yet poetically +expressed—and who can avoid +sympathizing?</p> + +<p>Love to man leads to devotion—grand +and sublime images strike the +imagination—God is seen in every +floating cloud, and comes from the +misty mountain to receive the noblest +homage of an intelligent creature—praise. +How solemn is the moment, +when all affections and remembrances +fade before the sublime admiration +which the wisdom and goodness of God +inspires, when he is worshipped in a +<i>temple not made with hands</i>, and the +world seems to contain only the mind<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-164" id="DPg_4-164"></a>[<a href="images/v4-164.png">164</a>]</span> +that formed, and the mind that contemplates +it! These are not the weak +responses of ceremonial devotion; nor, +to express them, would the poet need +another poet's aid: his heart burns +within him, and he speaks the language +of truth and nature with resistless +energy.</p> + +<p>Inequalities, of course, are observable +in his effusions; and a less vigorous +fancy, with more taste, would +have produced more elegance and uniformity; +but, as passages are softened +or expunged during the cooler moments +of reflection, the understanding +is gratified at the expence of those involuntary +sensations, which, like the +beauteous tints of an evening sky, are +so evanescent, that they melt into new +forms before they can be analyzed. For +however eloquently we may boast of<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-165" id="DPg_4-165"></a>[<a href="images/v4-165.png">165</a>]</span> +our reason, man must often be delighted +he cannot tell why, or his blunt +feelings are not made to relish the beauties +which nature, poetry, or any of +the imitative arts, afford.</p> + +<p>The imagery of the ancients seems +naturally to have been borrowed from +surrounding objects and their mythology. +When a hero is to be transported +from one place to another, across +pathless wastes, is any vehicle so natural, +as one of the fleecy clouds on which +the poet has often gazed, scarcely conscious +that he wished to make it his +chariot? Again, when nature seems +to present obstacles to his progress at +almost every step, when the tangled +forest and steep mountain stand as barriers, +to pass over which the mind +longs for supernatural aid; an interposing +deity, who walks on the waves,<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-166" id="DPg_4-166"></a>[<a href="images/v4-166.png">166</a>]</span> +and rules the storm, severely felt in the +first attempts to cultivate a country, +will receive from the impassioned fancy +"a local habitation and a name."</p> + +<p>It would be a philosophical enquiry, +and throw some light on the history of +the human mind, to trace, as far as our +information will allow us to trace, the +spontaneous feelings and ideas which +have produced the images that now +frequently appear unnatural, because +they are remote; and disgusting, because +they have been servilely copied +by poets, whose habits of thinking, +and views of nature must have been +different; for, though the understanding +seldom disturbs the current of our present +feelings, without dissipating the +gay clouds which fancy has been embracing, +yet it silently gives the colour +to the whole tenour of them, and the<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-167" id="DPg_4-167"></a>[<a href="images/v4-167.png">167</a>]</span> +dream is over, when truth is grossly +violated, or images introduced, selected +from books, and not from local manners +or popular prejudices.</p> + +<p>In a more advanced state of civilization, +a poet is rather the creature of +art, than of nature. The books that he +reads in his youth, become a hot-bed +in which artificial fruits are produced, +beautiful to the common eye, though +they want the true hue and flavour. +His images do not arise from sensations; +they are copies; and, like the works +of the painters who copy ancient statues +when they draw men and women +of their own times, we acknowledge +that the features are fine, and the proportions +just; yet they are men of +stone; insipid figures, that never convey +to the mind the idea of a portrait +taken from life, where the soul gives<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-168" id="DPg_4-168"></a>[<a href="images/v4-168.png">168</a>]</span> +spirit and homogeneity to the whole. +The silken wings of fancy are shrivelled +by rules; and a desire of attaining +elegance of diction, occasions an attention +to words, incompatible with +sublime, impassioned thoughts.</p> + +<p>A boy of abilities, who has been +taught the structure of verse at school, +and been roused by emulation to compose +rhymes whilst he was reading +works of genius, may, by practice, +produce pretty verses, and even become +what is often termed an elegant +poet: yet his readers, without knowing +what to find fault with, do not +find themselves warmly interested. In +the works of the poets who fasten on +their affections, they see grosser faults, +and the very images which shock their +taste in the modern; still they do not appear +as puerile or extrinsic in one as the<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-169" id="DPg_4-169"></a>[<a href="images/v4-169.png">169</a>]</span> +other.—Why?—because they did not +appear so to the author.</p> + +<p>It may sound paradoxical, after observing +that those productions want +vigour, that are merely the work of +imitation, in which the understanding +has violently directed, if not extinguished, +the blaze of fancy, to assert, that, +though genius be only another word +for exquisite sensibility, the first observers +of nature, the true poets, exercised +their understanding much more +than their imitators. But they exercised +it to discriminate things, whilst +their followers were busy to borrow +sentiments and arrange words.</p> + +<p>Boys who have received a classical +education, load their memory with +words, and the correspondent ideas +are perhaps never distinctly comprehended. +As a proof of this assertion,<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-170" id="DPg_4-170"></a>[<a href="images/v4-170.png">170</a>]</span> +I must observe, that I have known +many young people who could write +tolerably smooth verses, and string epithets +prettily together, when their +prose themes showed the barrenness of +their minds, and how superficial the +cultivation must have been, which +their understanding had received.</p> + +<p>Dr. Johnson, I know, has given a definition +of genius, which would overturn +my reasoning, if I were to admit +it.—He imagines, that <i>a strong mind, +accidentally led to some particular study</i> in +which it excels, is a genius.—Not to +stop to investigate the causes which +produced this happy <i>strength</i> of mind, +experience seems to prove, that those +minds have appeared most vigorous, +that have pursued a study, after nature +had discovered a bent; for it would be +absurd to suppose, that a slight impres<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-171" id="DPg_4-171"></a>[<a href="images/v4-171.png">171</a>]</span>sion +made on the weak faculties of a +boy, is the fiat of fate, and not to be +effaced by any succeeding impression, +or unexpected difficulty. Dr. Johnson +in fact, appears sometimes to be of the +same opinion (how consistently I shall +not now enquire), especially when he +observes, "that Thomson looked on +nature with the eye which she only +gives to a poet."</p> + +<p>But, though it should be allowed +that books may produce some poets, I +fear they will never be the poets who +charm our cares to sleep, or extort admiration. +They may diffuse taste, and +polish the language; but I am inclined +to conclude that they will seldom rouse +the passions, or amend the heart.</p> + +<p>And, to return to the first subject of +discussion, the reason why most people +are more interested by a scene describ<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-172" id="DPg_4-172"></a>[<a href="images/v4-172.png">172</a>]</span>ed +by a poet, than by a view of nature, +probably arises from the want of a +lively imagination. The poet contracts +the prospect, and, selecting the most +picturesque part in his <i>camera</i>, the judgment +is directed, and the whole force +of the languid faculty turned towards +the objects which excited the most +forcible emotions in the poet's heart; +the reader consequently feels the enlivened +description, though he was not +able to receive a first impression from +the operations of his own mind.</p> + +<p>Besides, it may be further observed, +that gross minds are only to be moved +by forcible representations. To rouse +the thoughtless, objects must be presented, +calculated to produce tumultuous +emotions; the unsubstantial, picturesque +forms which a contemplative +man gazes on, and often follows with<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-173" id="DPg_4-173"></a>[<a href="images/v4-173.png">173</a>]</span> +ardour till he is mocked by a glimpse +of unattainable excellence, appear to +them the light vapours of a dreaming +enthusiast, who gives up the substance +for the shadow. It is not within that +they seek amusement; their eyes are +seldom turned on themselves; consequently +their emotions, though sometimes +fervid, are always transient, and +the nicer perceptions which distinguish +the man of genuine taste, are not felt, +or make such a slight impression as +scarcely to excite any pleasurable sensations. +Is it surprising then that they +are often overlooked, even by those +who are delighted by the same images +concentrated by the poet?</p> + +<p>But even this numerous class is exceeded, +by witlings, who, anxious +to appear to have wit and taste, do +not allow their understandings or feel<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-174" id="DPg_4-174"></a>[<a href="images/v4-174.png">174</a>]</span>ings +any liberty; for, instead of cultivating +their faculties and reflecting on +their operations, they are busy collecting +prejudices; and are predetermined +to admire what the suffrage of time +announces as excellent, not to store up +a fund of amusement for themselves, +but to enable them to talk.</p> + +<p>These hints will assist the reader to +trace some of the causes why the beauties +of nature are not forcibly felt, +when civilization, or rather luxury, +has made considerable advances—those +calm sensations are not sufficiently +lively to serve as a relaxation to the voluptuary, +or even to the moderate pursuer +of artificial pleasures. In the present +state of society, the understanding +must bring back the feelings to nature, +or the sensibility must have such native +strength, as rather to be whetted than<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-175" id="DPg_4-175"></a>[<a href="images/v4-175.png">175</a>]</span> +destroyed by the strong exercises of +passion.</p> + +<p>That the most valuable things are liable +to the greatest perversion, is however +as trite as true:—for the same sensibility, +or quickness of senses, which +makes a man relish the tranquil scenes +of nature, when sensation, rather than +reason, imparts delight, frequently makes +a libertine of him, by leading him to +prefer the sensual tumult of love a +little refined by sentiment, to the calm +pleasures of affectionate friendship, in +whose sober satisfactions, reason, mixing +her tranquillizing convictions, whispers, +that content, not happiness, is the +reward of virtue in this world.</p> + + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-176" id="DPg_4-176"></a>[<a href="images/v4-176.png">176</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-177" id="DPg_4-177"></a>[<a href="images/v4-177.png">177</a>]</span></p> +<h2><a name="HINTS" id="DHINTS"></a>HINTS.</h2> + +<h3>[<i>Chiefly designed to have been incorporated<br /> +in the Second Part of the</i> Vindication<br /> +of the Rights of Woman.]</h3> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-178" id="DPg_4-178"></a>[<a href="images/v4-178.png">178</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-179" id="DPg_4-179"></a>[<a href="images/v4-179.png">179</a>]</span></p> + +<h2>HINTS.</h2> + +<hr class="short" /> +<p class="center">1.</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Indolence</span> is the source of nervous +complaints, and a whole host of +cares. This devil might say that his +name was legion.</p> + +<p class="center">2.</p> +<p>It should be one of the employments +of women of fortune, to visit hospitals, +and superintend the conduct of inferiors.</p> + +<p class="center">3.</p> +<p>It is generally supposed, that the +imagination of women is particularly<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-180" id="DPg_4-180"></a>[<a href="images/v4-180.png">180</a>]</span> +active, and leads them astray. Why +then do we seek by education only to +exercise their imagination and feeling, +till the understanding, grown rigid by +disuse, is unable to exercise itself—and +the superfluous nourishment the +imagination and feeling have received, +renders the former romantic, and the +latter weak?</p> + +<p class="center">4.</p> +<p>Few men have risen to any great +eminence in learning, who have not +received something like a regular education. +Why are women expected to +surmount difficulties that men are not +equal to?</p> + +<p class="center">5.</p> +<p>Nothing can be more absurd than +the ridicule of the critic, that the heroine +of his mock-tragedy was in love +with the very man whom she ought<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-181" id="DPg_4-181"></a>[<a href="images/v4-181.png">181</a>]</span> +least to have loved; he could not have +given a better reason. How can passion +gain strength any other way? In Otaheite, +love cannot be known, where +the obstacles to irritate an indiscriminate +appetite, and sublimate the simple +sensations of desire till they mount to +passion, are never known. There a +man or woman cannot love the very +person they ought not to have loved—nor +does jealousy ever fan the flame.</p> + +<p class="center">6.</p> +<p>It has frequently been observed, that, +when women have an object in view, +they pursue it with more steadiness than +men, particularly love. This is not +a compliment. Passion pursues with +more heat than reason, and with most +ardour during the absence of reason.</p> + +<p class="center">7.</p> +<p>Men are more subject to the physical<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-182" id="DPg_4-182"></a>[<a href="images/v4-182.png">182</a>]</span> +love than women. The confined education +of women makes them more +subject to jealousy.</p> + +<p class="center">8.</p> +<p>Simplicity seems, in general, the consequence +of ignorance, as I have observed +in the characters of women and +sailors—the being confined to one track +of impressions.</p> + +<p class="center">9.</p> +<p>I know of no other way of preserving +the chastity of mankind, than that +of rendering women rather objects of +love than desire. The difference is +great. Yet, while women are encouraged +to ornament their persons at the +expence of their minds, while indolence +renders them helpless and lascivious +(for what other name can be +given to the common intercourse between +the sexes?) they will be, gene<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-183" id="DPg_4-183"></a>[<a href="images/v4-183.png">183</a>]</span>rally +speaking, only objects of desire; +and, to such women, men cannot be +constant. Men, accustomed only to +have their senses moved, merely seek +for a selfish gratification in the society +of women, and their sexual instinct, +being neither supported by the understanding +nor the heart, must be excited +by variety.</p> + +<p class="center">10.</p> +<p>We ought to respect old opinions; +though prejudices, blindly adopted, +lead to error, and preclude all exercise +of the reason.</p> + +<p>The emulation which often makes a +boy mischievous, is a generous spur; +and the old remark, that unlucky, turbulent +boys, make the wisest and best +men, is true, spite of Mr. Knox's arguments. +It has been observed, that the +most adventurous horses, when tamed<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-184" id="DPg_4-184"></a>[<a href="images/v4-184.png">184</a>]</span> +or domesticated, are the most mild and +tractable.</p> + +<p class="center">11.</p> +<p>The children who start up suddenly +at twelve or fourteen, and fall into decays, +in consequence, as it is termed, +of outgrowing their strength, are in +general, I believe, those children, who +have been bred up with mistaken tenderness, +and not allowed to sport and +take exercise in the open air. This is +analogous to plants: for it is found that +they run up sickly, long stalks, when +confined.</p> + +<p class="center">12.</p> +<p>Children should be taught to feel deference, +not to practise submission.</p> + +<p class="center">13.</p> +<p>It is always a proof of false refinement, +when a fastidious taste overpowers +sympathy.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-185" id="DPg_4-185"></a>[<a href="images/v4-185.png">185</a>]</span></p> +<p class="center">14.</p> +<p>Lust appears to be the most natural +companion of wild ambition; and love +of human praise, of that dominion +erected by cunning.</p> + +<p class="center">15.</p> +<p>"Genius decays as judgment increases." +Of course, those who have +the least genius, have the earliest appearance +of wisdom.</p> + +<p class="center">16.</p> +<p>A knowledge of the fine arts, is seldom +subservient to the promotion of +either religion or virtue. Elegance is +often indecency; witness our prints.</p> + +<p class="center">17.</p> +<p>There does not appear to be any evil +in the world, but what is necessary. +The doctrine of rewards and punishments, +not considered as a means of re<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-186" id="DPg_4-186"></a>[<a href="images/v4-186.png">186</a>]</span>formation, +appears to me an infamous +libel on divine goodness.</p> + +<p class="center">18.</p> +<p>Whether virtue is founded on reason +or revelation, virtue is wisdom, and +vice is folly. Why are positive punishments?</p> + +<p class="center">19.</p> +<p>Few can walk alone. The staff of +Christianity is the necessary support of +human weakness. But an acquaintance +with the nature of man and virtue, +with just sentiments on the attributes, +would be sufficient, without a voice +from heaven, to lead some to virtue, +but not the mob.</p> + +<p class="center">20.</p> +<p>I only expect the natural reward of +virtue, whatever it may be. I rely not +on a positive reward.</p> + +<p>The justice of God can be vindicated<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-187" id="DPg_4-187"></a>[<a href="images/v4-187.png">187</a>]</span> +by a belief in a future state—but a continuation +of being vindicates it as +clearly, as the positive system of rewards +and punishments—by evil educing +good for the individual, and not +for an imaginary whole. The happiness +of the whole must arise from the +happiness of the constituent parts, or +this world is not a state of trial, but a +school.</p> + +<p class="center">21.</p> +<p>The vices acquired by Augustus to +retain his power, must have tainted his +soul, and prevented that increase of +happiness a good man expects in the +next stage of existence. This was a +natural punishment.</p> + +<p class="center">22.</p> +<p>The lover is ever most deeply enamoured, +when it is with he knows +not what—and the devotion of a mystic<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-188" id="DPg_4-188"></a>[<a href="images/v4-188.png">188</a>]</span> +has a rude Gothic grandeur in it, which +the respectful adoration of a philosopher +will never reach. I may be +thought fanciful; but it has continually +occurred to me, that, though, I allow, +reason in this world is the mother +of wisdom—yet some flights of the imagination +seem to reach what wisdom +cannot teach—and, while they delude +us here, afford a glorious hope, if not +a foretaste, of what we may expect +hereafter. He that created us, did not +mean to mark us with ideal images of +grandeur, the <i>baseless fabric of a vision</i>—No—that +perfection we follow with +hopeless ardour when the whisperings +of reason are heard, may be found, +when not incompatible with our state, +in the round of eternity. Perfection +indeed must, even then, be a comparative +idea—but the wisdom, the hap<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-189" id="DPg_4-189"></a>[<a href="images/v4-189.png">189</a>]</span>piness +of a superior state, has been supposed +to be intuitive, and the happiest +effusions of human genius have seemed +like inspiration—the deductions of reason +destroy sublimity.</p> + +<p class="center">23.</p> +<p>I am more and more convinced, that +poetry is the first effervescence of the +imagination, and the forerunner of civilization.</p> + +<p class="center">24.</p> +<p>When the Arabs had no trace of literature +or science, they composed +beautiful verses on the subjects of love +and war. The flights of the imagination, +and the laboured deductions of +reason, appear almost incompatible.</p> + +<p class="center">25.</p> +<p>Poetry certainly flourishes most in +the first rude state of society. The +passions speak most eloquently, when +they are not shackled by reason. The<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-190" id="DPg_4-190"></a>[<a href="images/v4-190.png">190</a>]</span> +sublime expression, which has been so +often quoted, [Genesis, ch. 1, ver. 3.] +is perhaps a barbarous flight; or rather +the grand conception of an uncultivated +mind; for it is contrary to nature +and experience, to suppose that this +account is founded on facts—It is +doubtless a sublime allegory. But a +cultivated mind would not thus have +described the creation—for, arguing +from analogy, it appears that creation +must have been a comprehensive plan, +and that the Supreme Being always +uses second causes, slowly and silently +to fulfil his purpose. This is, in reality, +a more sublime view of that power +which wisdom supports: but it is not +the sublimity that would strike the impassioned +mind, in which the imagination +took place of intellect. Tell a +being, whose affections and passions +have been more exercised than his rea<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-191" id="DPg_4-191"></a>[<a href="images/v4-191.png">191</a>]</span>son, +that God said, <i>Let there be light! +and there was light</i>; and he would prostrate +himself before the Being who +could thus call things out of nothing, +as if they were: but a man in whom +reason had taken place of passion, +would not adore, till wisdom was conspicuous +as well as power, for his admiration +must be founded on principle.</p> + +<p class="center">26.</p> +<p>Individuality is ever conspicuous in +those enthusiastic flights of fancy, in +which reason is left behind, without +being lost sight of.</p> + +<p class="center">27.</p> +<p>The mind has been too often brought +to the test of enquiries which only +reach to matter—put into the crucible, +though the magnetic and electric fluid +escapes from the experimental philosopher.</p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-192" id="DPg_4-192"></a>[<a href="images/v4-192.png">192</a>]</span></p> +<p class="center">28.</p> +<p>Mr. Kant has observed, that the understanding +is sublime, the imagination +beautiful—yet it is evident, that poets, +and men who undoubtedly possess the +liveliest imagination, are most touched +by the sublime, while men who have +cold, enquiring minds, have not this +exquisite feeling in any great degree, +and indeed seem to lose it as they cultivate +their reason.</p> + +<p class="center">29.</p> +<p>The Grecian buildings are graceful—they +fill the mind with all those pleasing +emotions, which elegance and beauty +never fail to excite in a cultivated +mind—utility and grace strike us in +unison—the mind is satisfied—things +appear just what they ought to be: a +calm satisfaction is felt, but the imagination +has nothing to do—no obscurity<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-193" id="DPg_4-193"></a>[<a href="images/v4-193.png">193</a>]</span> +darkens the gloom—like reasonable +content, we can say why we are pleased—and +this kind of pleasure may be +lasting, but it is never great.</p> + +<p class="center">30.</p> +<p>When we say that a person is an +original, it is only to say in other words +that he thinks. "The less a man has +cultivated his rational faculties, the +more powerful is the principle of +imitation, over his actions, and his +habits of thinking. Most women, +of course, are more influenced by +the behaviour, the fashions, and the +opinions of those with whom they +associate, than men." (Smellie.)</p> + +<p>When we read a book which supports +our favourite opinions, how eagerly +do we suck in the doctrines, and +suffer our minds placidly to reflect the +images which illustrate the tenets we<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-194" id="DPg_4-194"></a>[<a href="images/v4-194.png">194</a>]</span> +have embraced? We indolently or +quietly acquiesce in the conclusion, and +our spirit animates and connects the +various subjects. But, on the contrary, +when we peruse a skilful writer, +who does not coincide in opinion with +us, how is the mind on the watch to +detect fallacy? And this coolness often +prevents our being carried away by a +stream of eloquence, which the prejudiced +mind terms declamation—a pomp +of words.—We never allow ourselves to +be warmed; and, after contending +with the writer, are more confirmed +in our own opinion, as much perhaps +from a spirit of contradiction as from +reason.—Such is the strength of man!</p> + +<p class="center">31.</p> +<p>It is the individual manner of seeing +and feeling, pourtrayed by a strong +imagination in bold images that have<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-195" id="DPg_4-195"></a>[<a href="images/v4-195.png">195</a>]</span> +struck the senses, which creates all the +charms of poetry. A great reader is +always quoting the description of another's +emotions; a strong imagination +delights to paint its own. A writer of +genius makes us feel; an inferior author +reason.</p> + +<p class="center">32.</p> +<p>Some principle prior to self-love must +have existed: the feeling which produced +the pleasure, must have existed +before the experience.</p> + + +<h4>THE END.</h4> + + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-i_S" id="DPg_4-i_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-i.png">i</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-ii_S" id="DPg_4-ii_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-ii.png">ii</a>]</span></p> + +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h1><a name="V4S" id="V4S"></a>POSTHUMOUS WORKS</h1> +<h3>OF THE</h3> + +<h1>AUTHOR</h1> + +<h3>OF A</h3> + +<h2>VINDICATION OF THE RIGHTS OF WOMAN.</h2> +<p> </p> +<h2>IN FOUR VOLUMES.</h2> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<hr /> +<p> </p> +<h1>VOL. IV.</h1> +<p> </p> +<hr /> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h4><i>LONDON:</i></h4> + +<h5>PRINTED FOR J. JOHNSON, NO. 72, ST. PAUL'S<br /> + CHURCH-YARD; AND G. G. AND J. ROBINSON,<br /> + PATERNOSTER-ROW.<br /> + 1798.</h5> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-iii_S" id="DPg_4-iii_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-iii.png">iii</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-iv_S" id="DPg_4-iv_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-iv.png">iv</a>]</span></p> +<hr class="full" /> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h1>LETTERS</h1> +<h3>AND</h3> +<h1>MISCELLANEOUS PIECES.</h1> + +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h2>IN TWO VOLUMES.</h2> +<p> </p> +<hr /> +<p> </p> +<h1>VOL. II.</h1> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-v_S" id="DPg_4-v_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-v.png">v</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-vi_S" id="DPg_4-vi_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-vi.png">vi</a>]</span></p> +<h2><a name="DV4_ERRATA_S" id="DV4_ERRATA_S"></a>ERRATA.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>Page 10, line 8, <i>for</i> I write you, <i>read</i> I write to you.</p> +<p>—— 20, — 9, <i>read</i> bring them to ——.</p> +<p>—— 146, — 2 from the bottom, after over, inſert a comma.</p></div> +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-vii_S" id="DPg_4-vii_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-vii.png">vii</a>]</span></p> + +<h2><a name="DV4_CONTENTS_S" id="DV4_CONTENTS_S"></a>CONTENTS.</h2> + +<div class='centered'> +<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="Vol IV Contents"> +<tr><td align='left'> </td><td align='right'>Page</td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>Letters</td><td align='right'><a href="#DPg_4-1_S">1</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>Letter on the Preſent Character of the French Nation</td><td align='right'><a href="#DPg_4-39_S">39</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>Fragment of Letters on the Management of Infants</td><td align='right'><a href="#DPg_4-55_S">55</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>Letters to Mr. Johnſon</td><td align='right'><a href="#DPg_4-61_S">61</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>Extract of the Cave of Fancy, a Tale</td><td align='right'><a href="#DPg_4-99_S">99</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>On Poetry and our Reliſh for the Beauties of Nature</td><td align='right'><a href="#DPg_4-159_S">159</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>Hints</td><td align='right'><a href="#DPg_4-179_S">179</a></td></tr> +</table></div> +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-1_S" id="DPg_4-1_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-1.png">1</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h2><a name="DV4_LETTERS_S" id="DV4_LETTERS_S"></a>LETTERS.</h2> + + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER LXVII</h4> + +<p class="right">September 27.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">When</span> you receive this, I ſhall either +have landed, or be hovering on +the Britiſh coaſt—your letter of the 18th +decided me.</p> + +<p>By what criterion of principle or affection, +you term my queſtions extraordinary +and unneceſſary, I cannot determine.—You +deſire me to decide—I<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-2_S" id="DPg_4-2_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-2.png">2</a>]</span> +had decided. You muſt have had long +ago two letters of mine, from ———, +to the ſame purport, to conſider.—In +theſe, God knows! there was but too +much affection, and the agonies of a +diſtracted mind were but too faithfully +pourtrayed!—What more then had +I to ſay?—The negative was to come +from you.—You had perpetually recurred +to your promiſe of meeting me +in the autumn—Was it extraordinary +that I ſhould demand a yes, or no?—Your +letter is written with extreme +harſhneſs, coldneſs I am accuſtomed +to, in it I find not a trace of the tenderneſs +of humanity, much leſs of friendſhip.—I +only ſee a deſire to heave a +load off your ſhoulders.</p> + +<p>I am above diſputing about words.—It +matters not in what terms you decide.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-3_S" id="DPg_4-3_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-3.png">3</a>]</span> +The tremendous power who formed +this heart, muſt have foreſeen that, in +a world in which ſelf-intereſt, in various +ſhapes, is the principal mobile, I +had little chance of eſcaping miſery.—To +the fiat of fate I ſubmit.—I am content +to be wretched; but I will not be +contemptible.—Of me you have no +cauſe to complain, but for having had +too much regard for you—for having +expected a degree of permanent happineſs, +when you only ſought for a +momentary gratification.</p> + +<p>I am ſtrangely deficient in ſagacity.—Uniting +myſelf to you, your tenderneſs +ſeemed to make me amends for all my +former miſfortunes.—On this tenderneſs +and affection with what confidence +did I reſt!—but I leaned on a ſpear, that +has pierced me to the heart.—You +have thrown off a faithful friend, to<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-4_S" id="DPg_4-4_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-4.png">4</a>]</span> +purſue the caprices of the moment.—We +certainly are differently organized; +for even now, when conviction has +been ſtamped on my ſoul by ſorrow, I +can ſcarcely believe it poſſible. It depends +at preſent on you, whether you +will ſee me or not.—I ſhall take no +ſtep, till I ſee or hear from you.</p> + +<p>Preparing myſelf for the worſt—I +have determined, if your next letter be +like the laſt, to write to Mr. ——— +to procure me an obſcure lodging, and +not to inform any body of my arrival.—There +I will endeavour in a few months +to obtain the ſum neceſſary to take me +to France—from you I will not receive +any more.—I am not yet ſufficiently +humbled to depend on your beneficence.</p> + +<p>Some people, whom my unhappineſs +has intereſted, though they know<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-5_S" id="DPg_4-5_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-5.png">5</a>]</span> +not the extent of it, will aſſiſt me to +attain the object I have in view, the +independence of my child. Should a +peace take place, ready money will go +a great way in France—and I will borrow +a ſum, which my induſtry <i>ſhall</i> +enable me to pay at my leiſure, to purchaſe +a ſmall eſtate for my girl.—The +aſſiſtance I ſhall find neceſſary to complete +her education, I can get at an +eaſy rate at Paris—I can introduce her +to ſuch ſociety as ſhe will like—and +thus, ſecuring for her all the chance +for happineſs, which depends on me, I +ſhall die in peace, perſuaded that the +felicity which has hitherto cheated +my expectation, will not always elude +my graſp. No poor tempeſt-toſſed +mariner ever more earneſtly longed to +arrive at his port.</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-6_S" id="DPg_4-6_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-6.png">6</a>]</span></p> +<p>I ſhall not come up in the veſſel all +the way, becauſe I have no place to go +to. Captain ——— will inform you +where I am. It is needleſs to add, that +I am not in a ſtate of mind to bear ſuſpenſe—and +that I wiſh to ſee you, +though it be for the laſt time.</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER LXVIII</h4> + +<p class="right">Sunday, October 4.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I wrote</span> to you by the packet, to +inform you, that your letter of the 18th +of laſt month, had determined me to +ſet out with captain ———; but, as +we ſailed very quick, I take it for +granted, that you have not yet received +it.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-7_S" id="DPg_4-7_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-7.png">7</a>]</span> +You ſay, I muſt decide for myſelf.—I +had decided, that it was moſt for the +intereſt of my little girl, and for my +own comfort, little as I expect, for us +to live together; and I even thought +that you would be glad, ſome years +hence, when the tumult of buſineſs was +over, to repoſe in the ſociety of an affectionate +friend, and mark the progreſs +of our intereſting child, whilſt endeavouring +to be of uſe in the circle you +at laſt reſolved to reſt in; for you cannot +run about for ever.</p> + +<p>From the tenour of your laſt letter +however, I am led to imagine, that you +have formed ſome new attachment.—If +it be ſo, let me earneſtly requeſt you +to ſee me once more, and immediately. +This is the only proof I require of the +friendſhip you profeſs for me. I will<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-8_S" id="DPg_4-8_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-8.png">8</a>]</span> +then decide, ſince you boggle about a +mere form.</p> + +<p>I am labouring to write with calmneſs—but +the extreme anguiſh I feel, +at landing without having any friend +to receive me, and even to be conſcious +that the friend whom I moſt wiſh +to ſee, will feel a diſagreeable ſenſation +at being informed of my arrival, does +not come under the deſcription of common +miſery. Every emotion yields to +an overwhelming flood of ſorrow—and +the playfulneſs of my child diſtreſſes +me.—On her account, I wiſhed +to remain a few days here, comfortleſs +as is my ſituation.—Beſides, I did not +wiſh to ſurpriſe you. You have told +me, that you would make any ſacrifice +to promote my happineſs—and, even in +your laſt unkind letter, you talk of the +ties which bind you to me and my<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-9_S" id="DPg_4-9_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-9.png">9</a>]</span> +child.—Tell me, that you wiſh it, and +I will cut this Gordian knot.</p> + +<p>I now moſt earneſtly intreat you to +write to me, without fail, by the return +of the poſt. Direct your letter to +be left at the poſt-office, and tell me +whether you will come to me here, or +where you will meet me. I can receive +your letter on Wedneſday morning.</p> + +<p>Do not keep me in ſuſpenſe.—I expect +nothing from you, or any human +being: my die is caſt!—I have fortitude +enough to determine to do my +duty; yet I cannot raiſe my depreſſed +ſpirits, or calm my trembling heart.—That +being who moulded it thus, +knows that I am unable to tear up by +the roots the propenſity to affection +which has been the torment of my life—but +life will have an end!</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-10_S" id="DPg_4-10_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-10.png">10</a>]</span> +Should you come here (a few months +ago I could not have doubted it) you +will find me at ———. If you prefer +meeting me on the road, tell me where.</p> + +<p class="right">Yours affectionately                </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER LXIX</h4> + +<p><span class="smcap">I write</span> you now on my knees; imploring +you to ſend my child and the +maid with ——, to Paris, to be conſigned +to the care of Madame ——, rue +——, ſection de ——. Should they be +removed, —— can give their direction.</p> + +<p>Let the maid have all my clothes, +without diſtinction.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-11_S" id="DPg_4-11_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-11.png">11</a>]</span> +Pray pay the cook her wages, and do +not mention the confeſſion which I +forced from her—a little ſooner or later +is of no conſequence. Nothing but +my extreme ſtupidity could have rendered +me blind ſo long. Yet, whilſt +you aſſured me that you had no attachment, +I thought we might ſtill +have lived together.</p> + +<p>I ſhall make no comments on your +conduct; or any appeal to the world. +Let my wrongs ſleep with me! Soon, +very ſoon ſhall I be at peace. When +you receive this, my burning head will +be cold.</p> + +<p>I would encounter a thouſand deaths, +rather than a night like the laſt. Your +treatment has thrown my mind into a +ſtate of chaos; yet I am ſerene. I go +to find comfort, and my only fear is, +that my poor body will be inſulted by<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-12_S" id="DPg_4-12_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-12.png">12</a>]</span> +an endeavour to recal my hated exiſtence. +But I ſhall plunge into the +Thames where there is the leaſt chance +of my being ſnatched from the death I +ſeek.</p> + +<p>God bleſs you! May you never know +by experience what you have made me +endure. Should your ſenſibility ever +awake, remorſe will find its way to your +heart; and, in the midſt of buſineſs and +ſenſual pleaſure, I ſhall appear before +you, the victim of your deviation from +rectitude.</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-13_S" id="DPg_4-13_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-13.png">13</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER LXX</h4> + +<p class="right">Sunday Morning.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I have</span> only to lament, that, when +the bitterneſs of death was paſt, I was +inhumanly brought back to life and +miſery. But a fixed determination is +not to be baffled by diſappointment; +nor will I allow that to be a frantic attempt, +which was one of the calmeſt +acts of reaſon. In this reſpect, I am +only accountable to myſelf. Did I +care for what is termed reputation, it +is by other circumſtances that I ſhould +be diſhonoured.</p> + +<p>You ſay, "that you know not how to +extricate ourſelves out of the wretchedneſs +into which we have been plunged."<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-14_S" id="DPg_4-14_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-14.png">14</a>]</span> +You are extricated long ſince.—But I +forbear to comment.——If I am condemned +to live longer, it is a living +death.</p> + +<p>It appears to me, that you lay much +more ſtreſs on delicacy, than on principle; +for I am unable to diſcover what +ſentiment of delicacy would have been +violated, by your viſiting a wretched +friend—if indeed you have any friendſhip +for me.—But ſince your new attachment +is the only thing ſacred in +your eyes, I am ſilent—Be happy! My +complaints ſhall never more damp your +enjoyment—perhaps I am miſtaken in +ſuppoſing that even my death could, for +more than a moment.—This is what +you call magnanimity—It is happy for +yourſelf, that you poſſeſs this quality in +the higheſt degree.</p> + +<p>Your continually aſſerting, that you<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-15_S" id="DPg_4-15_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-15.png">15</a>]</span> +will do all in your power to contribute +to my comfort (when you only allude +to pecuniary aſſiſtance), appears to me +a flagrant breach of delicacy.—I want +not ſuch vulgar comfort, nor will I +accept it. I never wanted but your +heart—That gone, you have nothing +more to give. Had I only poverty to +fear, I ſhould not ſhrink from life.—Forgive +me then, if I ſay, that I ſhall +conſider any direct or indirect attempt +to ſupply my neceſſities, as an inſult +which I have not merited—and as +rather done out of tenderneſs for your +own reputation, than for me. Do not +miſtake me; I do not think that you +value money (therefore I will not accept +what you do not care for) +though I do much leſs, becauſe certain +privations are not painful to me.<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-16_S" id="DPg_4-16_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-16.png">16</a>]</span> +When I am dead, reſpect for yourſelf +will make you take care of the child.</p> + +<p>I write with difficulty—probably I +ſhall never write to you again.—Adieu!</p> + +<p>God bleſs you!</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER LXXI</h4> + +<p class="right">Monday Morning.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I am</span> compelled at laſt to ſay that +you treat me ungenerouſly. I agree +with you, that</p> + +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-17_S" id="DPg_4-17_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-17.png">17</a>]</span></p> +<p>But let the obliquity now fall on me.—I +fear neither poverty nor infamy. I am +unequal to the taſk of writing—and +explanations are not neceſſary.</p> + +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> + +<p>My child may have to bluſh for her +mother's want of prudence—and may +lament that the rectitude of my heart +made me above vulgar precautions; +but ſhe ſhall not deſpiſe me for meanneſs.—You +are now perfectly free.—God +bleſs you.</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-18_S" id="DPg_4-18_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-18.png">18</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER LXXIII</h4> + +<p class="right">Saturday Night.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I have</span> been hurt by indirect enquiries, +which appear to me not to be +dictated by any tenderneſs to me.—You +aſk "If I am well or tranquil?"—They +who think me ſo, muſt want a heart to +eſtimate my feelings by.—I chuſe +then to be the organ of my own ſentiments.</p> + +<p>I muſt tell you, that I am very much +mortified by your continually offering +me pecuniary aſſiſtance—and, conſidering +your going to the new houſe, as an +open avowal that you abandon me, let<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-19_S" id="DPg_4-19_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-19.png">19</a>]</span> +me tell you that I will ſooner periſh +than receive any thing from you—and +I ſay this at the moment when I am +diſappointed in my firſt attempt to obtain +a temporary ſupply. But this +even pleaſes me; an accumulation of +diſappointments and miſfortunes ſeems +to ſuit the habit of my mind.—</p> + +<p>Have but a little patience, and I will +remove myſelf where it will not be +neceſſary for you to talk—of courſe, +not to think of me. But let me ſee, +written by yourſelf—for I will not receive +it through any other medium—that +the affair is finiſhed.—It is an inſult +to me to ſuppoſe, that I can be reconciled, +or recover my ſpirits; but, +if you hear nothing of me, it will be +the ſame thing to you.</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-20_S" id="DPg_4-20_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-20.png">20</a>]</span></p> +<p>Even your ſeeing me, has been to +oblige other people, and not to ſooth +my diſtracted mind.</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER LXXIV</h4> + +<p class="right">Thurſday Afternoon.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mr.</span> ——— having forgot to deſire +you to ſend the things of mine which +were left at the houſe, I have to requeſt +you to let ——— bring them onto +———.</p> + +<p>I ſhall go this evening to the lodging; +ſo you need not be reſtrained from +coming here to tranſact your buſineſs.—And, +whatever I may think, and feel<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-21_S" id="DPg_4-21_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-21.png">21</a>]</span>—you +need not fear that I ſhall publicly +complain—No! If I have any criterion +to judge of right and wrong, I have +been moſt ungenerouſly treated: but, +wiſhing now only to hide myſelf, I ſhall +be ſilent as the grave in which I long +to forget myſelf. I ſhall protect and +provide for my child.—I only mean by +this to ſay, that you having nothing +to fear from my deſperation.</p> + +<p class="right">Farewel.        </p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-22_S" id="DPg_4-22_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-22.png">22</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER LXXV</h4> + +<p class="right">London, November 27.</p> + + +<p><span class="smcap">The</span> letter, without an addreſs, +which you put up with the letters you +returned, did not meet my eyes till +juſt now.—I had thrown the letters +aſide—I did not wiſh to look over a +regiſter of ſorrow.</p> + +<p>My not having ſeen it, will account +for my having written to you with +anger—under the impreſſion your departure, +without even a line left for me, +made on me, even after your late conduct, +which could not lead me to expect +much attention to my ſufferings.</p> + +<p>In fact, "the decided conduct, which<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-23_S" id="DPg_4-23_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-23.png">23</a>]</span> +appeared to me ſo unfeeling," has almoſt +overturned my reaſon; my mind +is injured—I ſcarcely know where I +am, or what I do.—The grief I cannot +conquer (for ſome cruel recollections +never quit me, baniſhing almoſt every +other) I labour to conceal in total +ſolitude.—My life therefore is but an +exerciſe of fortitude, continually on +the ſtretch—and hope never gleams in +this tomb, where I am buried alive.</p> + +<p>But I meant to reaſon with you, and +not to complain.—You tell me, "that I +ſhall judge more coolly of your mode +of acting, ſome time hence." But is it +not poſſible that <i>paſſion</i> clouds your reaſon, +as much as it does mine?—and +ought you not to doubt, whether thoſe +principles are ſo "exalted," as you +term them, which only lead to your +own gratification? In other words,<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-24_S" id="DPg_4-24_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-24.png">24</a>]</span> +whether it be juſt to have no principle +of action, but that of following your +inclination, trampling on the affection +you have foſtered, and the expectations +you have excited?</p> + +<p>My affection for you is rooted in my +heart.—I know you are not what you +now ſeem—nor will you always act, or +feel, as you now do, though I may +never be comforted by the change.—Even +at Paris, my image will haunt +you.—You will ſee my pale face—and +ſometimes the tears of anguiſh will +drop on your heart, which you have +forced from mine.</p> + +<p>I cannot write. I thought I could +quickly have refuted all your <i>ingenious</i> +arguments; but my head is confuſed.—Right +or wrong, I am miſerable!</p> + +<p>It ſeems to me, that my conduct has +always been governed by the ſtricteſt +principles of juſtice and truth.—Yet,<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-25_S" id="DPg_4-25_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-25.png">25</a>]</span> +how wretched have my ſocial feelings, +and delicacy of ſentiment rendered me!—I +have loved with my whole ſoul, +only to diſcover that I had no chance +of a return—and that exiſtence is a +burthen without it.</p> + +<p>I do not perfectly underſtand you.—If, +by the offer of your friendſhip, you +ſtill only mean pecuniary ſupport—I +muſt again reject it.—Trifling are the +ills of poverty in the ſcale of my miſfortunes.—God +bleſs you!</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<p>I have been treated ungenerouſly—if +I underſtand what is generoſity.——You +ſeem to me only to have been +anxious to ſhake me off—regardleſs +whether you daſhed me to atoms by +the fall.—In truth I have been rudely +handled. <i>Do you judge coolly</i>, and I truſt<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-26_S" id="DPg_4-26_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-26.png">26</a>]</span> +you will not continue to call thoſe capricious +feelings "the moſt refined," +which would undermine not only the +moſt ſacred principles, but the affections +which unite mankind.——You +would render mothers unnatural—and +there would be no ſuch thing as a father!—If +your theory of morals is the +moſt "exalted," it is certainly the moſt +eaſy.—It does not require much magnanimity, +to determine to pleaſe ourſelves +for the moment, let others ſuffer +what they will!</p> + +<p>Excuſe me for again tormenting you, +my heart thirſts for juſtice from you—and +whilſt I recollect that you approved +Miſs ———'s conduct—I am convinced +you will not always juſtify your +own.</p> + +<p>Beware of the deceptions of paſſion! +It will not always baniſh from your<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-27_S" id="DPg_4-27_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-27.png">27</a>]</span> +mind, that you have acted ignobly—and +condeſcended to ſubterfuge to +gloſs over the conduct you could not +excuſe.—Do truth and principle require +ſuch ſacrifices?</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER LXXVI</h4> + +<p class="right">London, December 8.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Having</span> juſt been informed that +——— is to return immediately to +Paris, I would not miſs a ſure opportunity +of writing, becauſe I am not +certain that my laſt, by Dover has +reached you.</p> + +<p>Reſentment, and even anger, are +momentary emotions with me—and<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-28_S" id="DPg_4-28_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-28.png">28</a>]</span> +I wiſhed to tell you ſo, that if you ever +think of me, it may not be in the light +of an enemy.</p> + +<p>That I have not been uſed <i>well</i> I +muſt ever feel; perhaps, not always +with the keen anguiſh I do at preſent—for +I began even now to write calmly, +and I cannot reſtrain my tears.</p> + +<p>I am ſtunned!—Your late conduct +ſtill appears to me a frightful dream.—Ah! +aſk yourſelf if you have not condeſcended +to employ a little addreſs, I +could almoſt ſay cunning, unworthy of +you?—Principles are ſacred things—and +we never play with truth, with +impunity.</p> + +<p>The expectation (I have too fondly +nouriſhed it) of regaining your affection, +every day grows fainter and +fainter.—Indeed, it ſeems to me, when +I am more ſad than uſual, that I ſhall<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-29_S" id="DPg_4-29_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-29.png">29</a>]</span> +never ſee you more.—Yet you will not +always forget me.—You will feel ſomething +like remorſe, for having lived only +for yourſelf—and ſacrificed my peace +to inferior gratifications. In a comfortleſs +old age, you will remember +that you had one diſintereſted friend, +whoſe heart you wounded to the quick. +The hour of recollection will come—and +you will not be ſatiſfied to act the +part of a boy, till you fall into that of a +dotard. I know that your mind, your +heart, and your principles of action, +are all ſuperior to your preſent conduct. +You do, you muſt, reſpect me—and +you will be ſorry to forfeit my eſteem.</p> + +<p>You know beſt whether I am ſtill +preſerving the remembrance of an +imaginary being.—I once thought that +I knew you thoroughly—but now I +am obliged to leave ſome doubts that<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-30_S" id="DPg_4-30_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-30.png">30</a>]</span> +involuntarily preſs on me, to be cleared +up by time.</p> + +<p>You may render me unhappy; but +cannot make me contemptible in my +own eyes.—I ſhall ſtill be able to ſupport +my child, though I am diſappointed +in ſome other plans of uſefulneſs, +which I once believed would have afforded +you equal pleaſure.</p> + +<p>Whilſt I was with you, I reſtrained +my natural generoſity, becauſe I thought +your property in jeopardy.—When I +went to ————, I requeſted you, <i>if you +could conveniently</i>, not to forget my father, +ſiſters, and ſome other people, +whom I was intereſted about.—Money +was laviſhed away, yet not only my +requeſts were neglected, but ſome trifling +debts were not diſcharged, that +now come on me.—Was this friendſhip—or +generoſity? Will you not grant<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-31_S" id="DPg_4-31_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-31.png">31</a>]</span> +you have forgotten yourſelf? Still +I have an affection for you.—God +bleſs you.</p> + +<p class="right">* * * *</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER LXXVII</h4> + +<p><span class="smcap">As</span> the parting from you for ever is +the moſt ſerious event of my life, I will +once expoſtulate with you, and call +not the language of truth and feeling +ingenuity!</p> + +<p>I know the ſoundneſs of your underſtanding—and +know that it is impoſſible +for you always to confound the +caprices of every wayward inclination +with the manly dictates of principle.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-32_S" id="DPg_4-32_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-32.png">32</a>]</span> +You tell me "that I torment you."—Why +do I?——Becauſe you cannot +eſtrange your heart entirely from me—and +you feel that juſtice is on my ſide. +You urge, "that your conduct was +unequivocal."—It was not.—When +your coolneſs has hurt me, with what +tenderneſs have you endeavoured to +remove the impreſſion!—and even before +I returned to England, you took +great pains to convince me, that all +my uneaſineſs was occaſioned by the +effect of a worn-out conſtitution—and +you concluded your letter with theſe +words, "Buſineſs alone has kept me +from you.—Come to any port, and I +will fly down to my two dear girls +with a heart all their own."</p> + +<p>With theſe aſſurances, is it extraordinary +that I ſhould believe what I +wiſhed? I might—and did think that<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-33_S" id="DPg_4-33_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-33.png">33</a>]</span> +you had a ſtruggle with old propenſities; +but I ſtill thought that I and virtue +ſhould at laſt prevail. I ſtill thought +that you had a magnanimity of character, +which would enable you to conquer +yourſelf.</p> + +<p>————, believe me, it is not +romance, you have acknowledged to +me feelings of this kind.—You could +reſtore me to life and hope, and the +ſatiſfaction you would feel, would +amply repay you.</p> + +<p>In tearing myſelf from you, it is my +own heart I pierce—and the time will +come, when you will lament that you +have thrown away a heart, that, even +in the moment of paſſion, you cannot +deſpiſe.—I would owe every thing to +your generoſity—but, for God's ſake, +keep me no longer in ſuſpenſe!—Let +me ſee you once more!<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-34_S" id="DPg_4-34_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-34.png">34</a>]</span>—</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER LXXVIII</h4> + +<p><span class="smcap">You</span> muſt do as you pleaſe with +reſpect to the child.—I could wiſh that +it might be done ſoon, that my name +may be no more mentioned to you. +It is now finiſhed.—Convinced that you +have neither regard nor friendſhip, I +diſdain to utter a reproach, though I +have had reaſon to think, that the +"forbearance" talked of, has not been +very delicate.—It is however of no +conſequence.—I am glad you are ſatiſfied +with your own conduct.</p> + +<p>I now ſolemnly aſſure you, that this is +an eternal farewel.—Yet I flinch not +from the duties which tie me to life.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-35_S" id="DPg_4-35_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-35.png">35</a>]</span> +That there is "ſophiſtry" on one +ſide or other, is certain; but now it +matters not on which. On my part it +has not been a queſtion of words. Yet +your underſtanding or mine muſt be +ſtrangely warped—for what you term +"delicacy," appears to me to be exactly +the contrary. I have no criterion +for morality, and have thought in vain, +if the ſenſations which lead you to follow +an ancle or ſtep, be the ſacred +foundation of principle and affection. +Mine has been of a very different nature, +or it would not have ſtood the +brunt of your ſarcaſms.</p> + +<p>The ſentiment in me is ſtill ſacred. +If there be any part of me that will +ſurvive the ſenſe of my miſfortunes, it +is the purity of my affections. The +impetuoſity of your ſenſes, may have +led you to term mere animal deſire, the<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-36_S" id="DPg_4-36_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-36.png">36</a>]</span> +ſource of principle; and it may give +zeſt to ſome years to come.—Whether +you will always think ſo, I ſhall never +know.</p> + +<p>It is ſtrange that, in ſpite of all you +do, ſomething like conviction forces me +to believe, that you are not what you +appear to be.</p> + +<p>I part with you in peace.</p> + + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-37_S" id="DPg_4-37_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-37.png">37</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> +<h2>LETTER</h2> +<h4>ON THE</h4> +<h2>PRESENT CHARACTER</h2> +<h4>OF THE</h4> +<h2>FRENCH NATION.</h2> +<p> </p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-38_S" id="DPg_4-38_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-38.png">38</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-39_S" id="DPg_4-39_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-39.png">39</a>]</span></p> + +<h3><a name="LETTER_S" id="DLETTER_S"></a>LETTER</h3> + +<h3><i>Introductory to a Series of Letters on the Preſent +Character of the French Nation.</i></h3> +<hr class="short" /> + +<p class="right">Paris, February 15, 1793.</p> + +<p>        My dear friend,</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">It</span> is neceſſary perhaps for an obſerver +of mankind, to guard as carefully the +remembrance of the firſt impreſſion +made by a nation, as by a countenance; +becauſe we imperceptibly loſe ſight of +the national character, when we become +more intimate with individuals. +It is not then uſeleſs or preſumptuous +to note, that, when I firſt entered Paris,<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-40_S" id="DPg_4-40_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-40.png">40</a>]</span> +the ſtriking contraſt of riches and poverty, +elegance and ſlovenlineſs, urbanity +and deceit, every where caught +my eye, and ſaddened my ſoul; and +theſe impreſſions are ſtill the foundation +of my remarks on the manners, which +flatter the ſenſes, more than they intereſt +the heart, and yet excite more intereſt +than eſteem.</p> + +<p>The whole mode of life here tends +indeed to render the people frivolous, +and, to borrow their favourite epithet, +amiable. Ever on the wing, they are +always ſipping the ſparkling joy on the +brim of the cup, leaving ſatiety in the +bottom for thoſe who venture to drink +deep. On all ſides they trip along, +buoyed up by animal ſpirits, and ſeemingly +ſo void of care, that often, when +I am walking on the <i>Boulevards</i>, it +occurs to me, that they alone underſtand<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-41_S" id="DPg_4-41_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-41.png">41</a>]</span> +the full import of the term leiſure; and +they trifle their time away with ſuch +an air of contentment, I know not how +to wiſh them wiſer at the expence of +their gaiety. They play before me like +motes in a ſunbeam, enjoying the paſſing +ray; whilſt an Engliſh head, ſearching +for more ſolid happineſs, loſes, in +the analyſis of pleaſure, the volatile +ſweets of the moment. Their chief +enjoyment, it is true, riſes from vanity: +but it is not the vanity that engenders +vexation of ſpirit; on the contrary, it +lightens the heavy burthen of life, +which reaſon too often weighs, merely +to ſhift from one ſhoulder to the +other.</p> + +<p>Inveſtigating the modification of the +paſſion, as I would analyze the elements +that give a form to dead matter, I +ſhall attempt to trace to their ſource<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-42_S" id="DPg_4-42_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-42.png">42</a>]</span> +the cauſes which have combined to +render this nation the moſt poliſhed, in +a phyſical ſenſe, and probably the moſt +ſuperficial in the world; and I mean to +follow the windings of the various +ſtreams that diſembogue into a terrific +gulf, in which all the dignity of our +nature is abſorbed. For every thing +has conſpired to make the French the +moſt ſenſual people in the world; and +what can render the heart ſo hard, or +ſo effectually ſtifle every moral emotion, +as the refinements of ſenſuality?</p> + +<p>The frequent repetition of the word +French, appears invidious; let me then +make a previous obſervation, which I +beg you not to loſe ſight of, when I +ſpeak rather harſhly of a land flowing +with milk and honey. Remember that +it is not the morals of a particular +people that I would decry; for are we<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-43_S" id="DPg_4-43_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-43.png">43</a>]</span> +not all of the ſame ſtock? But I wiſh +calmly to conſider the ſtage of civilization +in which I find the French, and, +giving a ſketch of their character, and +unfolding the circumſtances which have +produced its identity, I ſhall endeavour +to throw ſome light on the hiſtory of +man, and on the preſent important +ſubjects of diſcuſſion.</p> + +<p>I would I could firſt inform you that, +out of the chaos of vices and follies, +prejudices and virtues, rudely jumbled +together, I ſaw the fair form of Liberty +ſlowly riſing, and Virtue expanding her +wings to ſhelter all her children! I +ſhould then hear the account of the +barbarities that have rent the boſom of +France patiently, and bleſs the firm +hand that lopt off the rotten limbs. +But, if the ariſtocracy of birth is levelled +with the ground, only to make room<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-44_S" id="DPg_4-44_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-44.png">44</a>]</span> +for that of riches, I am afraid that the +morals of the people will not be much +improved by the change, or the government +rendered leſs venal. Still it +is not juſt to dwell on the miſery produced +by the preſent ſtruggle, without +adverting to the ſtanding evils of the +old ſyſtem. I am grieved—ſorely grieved—when +I think of the blood that has +ſtained the cauſe of freedom at Paris; +but I alſo hear the ſame live ſtream cry +aloud from the highways, through +which the retreating armies paſſed +with famine and death in their rear, +and I hide my face with awe before +the inſcrutable ways of providence, +ſweeping in ſuch various directions the +beſom of deſtruction over the ſons of +men.</p> + +<p>Before I came to France, I cheriſhed, +you know, an opinion, that ſtrong vir<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-45_S" id="DPg_4-45_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-45.png">45</a>]</span>tues +might exiſt with the poliſhed manners +produced by the progreſs of civilization; +and I even anticipated the +epoch, when, in the courſe of improvement, +men would labour to become +virtuous, without being goaded on by +miſery. But now, the perſpective of +the golden age, fading before the attentive +eye of obſervation, almoſt eludes +my ſight; and, loſing thus in part my +theory of a more perfect ſtate, ſtart not, +my friend, if I bring forward an opinion, +which at the firſt glance ſeems to +be levelled againſt the exiſtence of God! +I am not become an Atheiſt, I aſſure +you, by reſiding at Paris: yet I begin +to fear that vice, or, if you will, evil, +is the grand mobile of action, and that, +when the paſſions are juſtly poized, we +become harmleſs, and in the ſame proportion +uſeleſs.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-46_S" id="DPg_4-46_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-46.png">46</a>]</span> +The wants of reaſon are very few; +and, were we to conſider diſpaſſionately +the real value of moſt things, we ſhould +probably reſt ſatiſfied with the ſimple +gratification of our phyſical neceſſities, +and be content with negative goodneſs: +for it is frequently, only that wanton, +the Imagination, with her artful +coquetry, who lures us forward, and +makes us run over a rough road, puſhing +aſide every obſtacle merely to catch +a diſappointment.</p> + +<p>The deſire alſo of being uſeful to +others, is continually damped by experience; +and, if the exertions of humanity +were not in ſome meaſure their +own reward, who would endure miſery, +or ſtruggle with care, to make +ſome people ungrateful, and others +idle?</p> + +<p>You will call theſe melancholy effu<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-47_S" id="DPg_4-47_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-47.png">47</a>]</span>ſions, +and gueſs that, fatigued by the +vivacity, which has all the buſtling +folly of childhood, without the innocence +which renders ignorance charming, +I am too ſevere in my ſtrictures. +It may be ſo; and I am aware that the +good effects of the revolution will be +laſt felt at Paris; where ſurely the ſoul +of Epicurus has long been at work to +root out the ſimple emotions of the +heart, which, being natural, are always +moral. Rendered cold and artificial +by the ſelfiſh enjoyments of the ſenſes, +which the government foſtered, is it +ſurpriſing that ſimplicity of manners, +and ſingleneſs of heart, rarely appear, +to recreate me with the wild odour of +nature, ſo paſſing ſweet?</p> + +<p>Seeing how deep the fibres of miſchief +have ſhot, I ſometimes aſk, with a +doubting accent, Whether a nation can<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-48_S" id="DPg_4-48_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-48.png">48</a>]</span> +go back to the purity of manners which +has hitherto been maintained unſullied +only by the keen air of poverty, when, +emaſculated by pleaſure, the luxuries +of proſperity are become the wants of +nature? I cannot yet give up the hope, +that a fairer day is dawning on Europe, +though I muſt heſitatingly obſerve, that +little is to be expected from the narrow +principle of commerce which ſeems +every where to be ſhoving aſide <i>the point +of honour</i> of the <i>nobleſſe</i>. I can look beyond +the evils of the moment, and do +not expect muddied water to become +clear before it has had time to ſtand; +yet, even for the moment, it is the +moſt terrific of all ſights, to ſee men +vicious without warmth—to ſee the +order that ſhould be the ſuperſcription +of virtue, cultivated to give ſecurity to +crimes which only thoughtleſſneſs could<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-49_S" id="DPg_4-49_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-49.png">49</a>]</span> +palliate. Diſorder is, in fact, the very +eſſence of vice, though with the wild +wiſhes of a corrupt fancy humane emotions +often kindly mix to ſoften their +atrocity. Thus humanity, generoſity, +and even ſelf-denial, ſometimes render +a character grand, and even uſeful, +when hurried away by lawleſs paſſions; +but what can equal the turpitude of a +cold calculator who lives for himſelf +alone, and conſidering his fellow-creatures +merely as machines of pleaſure, +never forgets that honeſty is the beſt policy? +Keeping ever within the pale of +the law, he cruſhes his thouſands with +impunity; but it is with that degree of +management, which makes him, to borrow +a ſignificant vulgariſm, a villain +<i>in grain</i>. The very exceſs of his depravation +preſerves him, whilſt the more +reſpectable beaſt of prey, who prowls<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-50_S" id="DPg_4-50_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-50.png">50</a>]</span> +about like the lion, and roars to announce +his approach, falls into a ſnare.</p> + +<p>You may think it too ſoon to form +an opinion of the future government, +yet it is impoſſible to avoid hazarding +ſome conjectures, when every thing +whiſpers me, that names, not principles, +are changed, and when I ſee that +the turn of the tide has left the dregs of +the old ſyſtem to corrupt the new. For +the ſame pride of office, the ſame deſire +of power are ſtill viſible; with this aggravation, +that, fearing to return to obſcurity +after having but juſt acquired +a reliſh for diſtinction, each hero, or +philoſopher, for all are dubbed with +theſe new titles, endeavours to make +hay while the ſun ſhines; and every +petty municipal officer, become the idol, +or rather the tyrant of the day, ſtalks +like a cock on a dunghil.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-51_S" id="DPg_4-51_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-51.png">51</a>]</span> +I ſhall now conclude this deſultory +letter; which however will enable you +to foreſee that I ſhall treat more of +morals than manners.</p> + +<p class="right">Yours ———                </p> + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-52_S" id="DPg_4-52_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-52.png">52</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-53_S" id="DPg_4-53_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-53.png">53</a>]</span></p> + +<h2>FRAGMENT</h2> +<h3>OF</h3> +<h2>LETTERS</h2> +<h3>ON THE</h3> +<h2>MANAGEMENT OF INFANTS.</h2> + +<hr /> +<h3><a name="DV4_CONTENTS_L_S" id="DV4_CONTENTS_L_S"></a>CONTENTS.</h3> + +<ul class="plain"><li>Introductory Letter.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Letter II.</span> Management of the Mother during pregnancy: bathing.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Letter III.</span> Lying-in.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Letter IV.</span> The firſt month: diet: clothing.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Letter V.</span> The three following months.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Letter VI.</span> The remainder of the firſt year.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Letter VII.</span> The ſecond year, &c: concluſion.</li></ul> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-54_S" id="DPg_4-54_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-54.png">54</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-55_S" id="DPg_4-55_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-55.png">55</a>]</span></p> + + +<h2>LETTERS</h2> +<h3>ON THE</h3> +<h2>MANAGEMENT OF INFANTS.</h2> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER I</h4> + +<p><span class="smcap">I ought</span> to apologize for not having +written to you on the ſubject you +mentioned; but, to tell you the truth, +it grew upon me: and, inſtead of an +anſwer, I have begun a ſeries of letters +on the management of children in +their infancy. Replying then to your +queſtion, I have the public in my<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-56_S" id="DPg_4-56_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-56.png">56</a>]</span> +thoughts, and ſhall endeavour to ſhow +what modes appear to me neceſſary, +to render the infancy of children more +healthy and happy. I have long +thought, that the cauſe which renders +children as hard to rear as the moſt +fragile plant, is our deviation from +ſimplicity. I know that ſome able +phyſicians have recommended the method +I have purſued, and I mean to +point out the good effects I have obſerved +in practice. I am aware that +many matrons will exclaim againſt me, +and dwell on the number of children +they have brought up, as their mothers +did before them, without troubling +themſelves with new-fangled notions; +yet, though, in my uncle Toby's words, +they ſhould attempt to ſilence me, by +"wiſhing I had ſeen their large" families, +I muſt ſuppoſe, while a third part<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-57_S" id="DPg_4-57_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-57.png">57</a>]</span> +of the human ſpecies, according to the +moſt accurate calculation, die during +their infancy, juſt at the threſhold of +life, that there is ſome error in the +modes adopted by mothers and nurſes, +which counteracts their own endeavours. +I may be miſtaken in ſome +particulars; for general rules, founded +on the ſoundeſt reaſon, demand individual +modification; but, if I can perſuade +any of the riſing generation to +exerciſe their reaſon on this head, I am +content. My advice will probably +be found moſt uſeful to mothers in the +middle claſs; and it is from them that +the lower imperceptibly gains improvement. +Cuſtom, produced by reaſon +in one, may ſafely be the effect of +imitation in the other.</p> + +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> +<p class="sp">— — — — — — — — — — —</p> + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-58_S" id="DPg_4-58_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-58.png">58</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-59_S" id="DPg_4-59_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-59.png">59</a>]</span></p> + +<h2>LETTERS</h2> +<h4>TO</h4> +<h2>Mr. JOHNSON,</h2> +<h3><i>BOOKSELLER</i>,</h3> +<h4>IN</h4> +<h3><span class="smcap">St. PAUL's CHURCH-YARD</span>.</h3> +<p> </p> +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-60_S" id="DPg_4-60_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-60.png">60</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-61_S" id="DPg_4-61_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-61.png">61</a>]</span></p> + +<h2>LETTERS</h2> +<h4>TO</h4> +<h2>Mr. JOHNSON.</h2> + +<hr class="short" /> + + +<h4>LETTER I</h4> + +<p class="right">Dublin, April 14, [1787.]</p> + +<p>        Dear ſir,</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I am</span> ſtill an invalid—and begin to +believe that I ought never to expect to +enjoy health. My mind preys on my +body—and, when I endeavour to be +uſeful, I grow too much intereſted for +my own peace. Confined almoſt entirely +to the ſociety of children, I am +anxiouſly ſolicitous for their future +welfare, and mortified beyond meaſure,<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-62_S" id="DPg_4-62_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-62.png">62</a>]</span> +when counteracted in my endeavours to +improve them.—I feel all a mother's +fears for the ſwarm of little ones which +ſurround me, and obſerve diſorders, +without having power to apply the +proper remedies. How can I be reconciled +to life, when it is always a +painful warfare, and when I am deprived +of all the pleaſures I reliſh?—I +allude to rational converſations, and +domeſtic affections. Here, alone, a +poor ſolitary individual in a ſtrange +land, tied to one ſpot, and ſubject to +the caprice of another, can I be contented? +I am deſirous to convince you +that I have <i>ſome</i> cauſe for ſorrow—and +am not without reaſon detached from +life. I ſhall hope to hear that you are +well, and am yours ſincerely</p> + +<p class="right"><span class="smcap">Mary Wollſtonecraft.</span></p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-63_S" id="DPg_4-63_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-63.png">63</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER II</h4> + +<p class="right">Henley, Thurſday, Sept 13.</p> + +<p>        My dear ſir,</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Since</span> I ſaw you, I have, literally +ſpeaking, <i>enjoyed</i> ſolitude. My ſiſter +could not accompany me in my rambles; +I therefore wandered alone, by +the ſide of the Thames, and in the +neighbouring beautiful fields and +pleaſure grounds: the proſpects were +of ſuch a placid kind, I <i>caught</i> tranquillity +while I ſurveyed them—my mind +was <i>ſtill</i>, though active. Were I to +give you an account how I have ſpent +my time, you would ſmile.—I found an +old French bible here, and amuſed +myſelf with comparing it with our<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-64_S" id="DPg_4-64_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-64.png">64</a>]</span> +Engliſh tranſlation; then I would liſten +to the falling leaves, or obſerve the +various tints the autumn gave to +them—At other times, the ſinging of +a robin, or the noiſe of a water-mill, +engaged my attention—partial attention—, +for I was, at the ſame time +perhaps diſcuſſing ſome knotty point, +or ſtraying from this <i>tiny</i> world to new +ſyſtems. After theſe excurſions, I returned +to the family meals, told the +children ſtories (they think me <i>vaſtly</i> +agreeable), and my ſiſter was amuſed.—Well, +will you allow me to call this +way of paſſing my days pleaſant?</p> + +<p>I was juſt going to mend my pen; +but I believe it will enable me to ſay +all I have to add to this epiſtle. Have +you yet heard of an habitation for me? +I often think of my new plan of life; +and, leſt my ſiſter ſhould try to prevail<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-65_S" id="DPg_4-65_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-65.png">65</a>]</span> +on me to alter it, I have avoided mentioning +it to her. I am determined!—Your +ſex generally laugh at female +determinations; but let me tell you, +I never yet reſolved to do, any thing of +conſequence, that I did not adhere reſolutely +to it, till I had accompliſhed +my purpoſe, improbable as it might +have appeared to a more timid mind. +In the courſe of near nine-and-twenty +years, I have gathered ſome experience, +and felt many <i>ſevere</i> diſappointments—and +what is the amount? I long for a +little peace and <i>independence</i>! Every +obligation we receive from our fellow-creatures +is a new ſhackle, takes from +our native freedom, and debaſes the +mind, makes us mere earthworms—I +am not fond of grovelling!</p> + +<p class="right">I am, ſir, yours, &c.    </p> + +<p class="right"><span class="smcap">mary wollſtonecraft.</span></p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-66_S" id="DPg_4-66_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-66.png">66</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER III</h4> + +<p class="right">Market Harborough, Sept. 20.</p> + +<p>        My dear ſir,</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">You</span> left me with three opulent +tradeſmen; their converſation was not +calculated to beguile the way, when +the ſable curtain concealed the beauties +of nature. I liſtened to the tricks +of trade—and ſhrunk away, without +wiſhing to grow rich; even the novelty +of the ſubjects did not render them +pleaſing; fond as I am of tracing the +paſſions in all their different forms—I +was not ſurpriſed by any glimpſe of the +ſublime, or beautiful—though one of +them imagined I would be a uſeful partner +in a good <i>firm</i>. I was very much +fatigued, and have ſcarcely recovered<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-67_S" id="DPg_4-67_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-67.png">67</a>]</span> +myſelf. I do not expect to enjoy the +ſame tranquil pleaſures Henley afforded: +I meet with new objects to employ +my mind; but many painful emotions +are complicated with the reflections +they give riſe to.</p> + +<p>I do not intend to enter on the <i>old</i> +topic, yet hope to hear from you—and +am yours, &c.</p> + +<p class="right"><span class="smcap">mary wollſtonecraft.</span></p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER IV</h4> + +<p class="right">Friday Night.</p> + +<p>        My dear ſir,</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Though</span> your remarks are generally +judicious—I cannot <i>now</i> concur with you, +I mean with reſpect to the preface<a name="FNanchor_67-A_21_S" id="DFNanchor_67-A_21_S"></a><a href="#DFootnote_67-A_21_S" class="fnanchor">[67-A]</a>,<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-68_S" id="DPg_4-68_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-68.png">68</a>]</span> +and have not altered it. I hate the +uſual ſmooth way of exhibiting proud +humility. A general rule <i>only</i> extends +to the majority—and, believe me, the +few judicious parents who may peruſe +my book, will not feel themſelves hurt—and +the weak are too vain to mind what +is ſaid in a book intended for children.</p> + +<p>I return you the Italian MS.—but +do not haſtily imagine that I am indolent. +I would not ſpare any labour to +do my duty—and, after the moſt laborious +day, that ſingle thought would +ſolace me more than any pleaſures the +ſenſes could enjoy. I find I could not +tranſlate the MS. well. If it was not +a MS, I ſhould not be ſo eaſily intimidated; +but the hand, and errors in +orthography, or abbreviations, are a +ſtumbling-block at the firſt ſetting +out.—I cannot bear to do any thing I<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-69_S" id="DPg_4-69_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-69.png">69</a>]</span> +cannot do well—and I ſhould loſe time +in the vain attempt.</p> + +<p>I had, the other day, the ſatiſfaction +of again receiving a letter from my +poor, dear Margaret<a name="FNanchor_69-A_22_S" id="DFNanchor_69-A_22_S"></a><a href="#DFootnote_69-A_22_S" class="fnanchor">[69-A]</a>.—With all a +mother's fondneſs I could tranſcribe a +part of it—She ſays, every day her +affection to me, and dependence on +heaven increaſe, &c.—I miſs her +innocent careſſes—and ſometimes indulge +a pleaſing hope, that ſhe may be +allowed to cheer my childleſs age—if +I am to live to be old.—At any rate, I +may hear of the virtues I may not contemplate—and +my reaſon may permit +me to love a female.—I now allude to +———. I have received another letter +from her, and her childiſh complaints +vex me—indeed they do—As +uſual, good-night.</p> + +<p class="right"><span class="smcap">mary.</span></p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-70_S" id="DPg_4-70_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-70.png">70</a>]</span></p> +<p>If parents attended to their children, +I would not have written the ſtories; +for, what are books—compared to converſations +which affection inforces!—</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER V</h4> + +<p>        My dear ſir,</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Remember</span> you are to ſettle <i>my account</i>, +as I want to know how much I +am in your debt—but do not ſuppoſe +that I feel any uneaſineſs on that ſcore. +The generality of people in trade +would not be much obliged to me for a +like civility, <i>but you were a man</i> before +you were a bookſeller—ſo I am your +ſincere friend,</p> + +<p class="right"><span class="smcap">mary.</span></p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-71_S" id="DPg_4-71_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-71.png">71</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER VI</h4> + +<p class="right">Friday Morning.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I am</span> ſick with vexation—and wiſh +I could knock my fooliſh head againſt +the wall, that bodily pain might make +me feel leſs anguiſh from ſelf-reproach! +To ſay the truth, I was never more diſpleaſed +with myſelf, and I will tell you +the cauſe.—You may recollect that I +did not mention to you the circumſtance +of ——— having a fortune left +to him; nor did a hint of it drop from +me when I converſed with my ſiſter; +becauſe I knew he had a ſufficient motive +for concealing it. Laſt Sunday, +when his character was aſperſed, as I +thought, unjuſtly, in the heat of vindi<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-72_S" id="DPg_4-72_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-72.png">72</a>]</span>cation +I informed ****** that he was +now independent; but, at the ſame +time, deſired him not to repeat my information +to B——; yet, laſt Tueſday, +he told him all—and the boy at B——'s +gave Mrs. ——— an account of it. As +Mr. ——— knew he had only made a +confident of me (I bluſh to think of it!) +he gueſſed the channel of intelligence, +and this morning came (not to reproach +me, I wiſh he had!) but to point out the +injury I have done him.—Let what will +be the conſequence, I will reimburſe +him, if I deny myſelf the neceſſaries of +life—and even then my folly will ſting +me.—Perhaps you can ſcarcely conceive +the miſery I at this moment +endure—that I, whoſe power of doing +good is ſo limited, ſhould do harm, galls +my very ſoul. ****** may laugh at +theſe qualms—but, ſuppoſing Mr.<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-73_S" id="DPg_4-73_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-73.png">73</a>]</span> +——— to be unworthy, I am not +the leſs to blame. Surely it is hell to +deſpiſe one's ſelf!—I did not want this +additional vexation—at this time I have +many that hang heavily on my ſpirits. +I ſhall not call on you this month—nor +ſtir out.—My ſtomach has been ſo ſuddenly +and violently affected, I am +unable to lean over the deſk.</p> + +<p class="right"><span class="smcap">mary wollſtonecraft.</span></p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER VII</h4> + +<p><span class="smcap">As</span> I am become a reviewer, I think +it right, in the way of buſineſs, to conſider +the ſubject. You have alarmed +the editor of the Critical, as the advertiſement +prefixed to the Appendix<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-74_S" id="DPg_4-74_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-74.png">74</a>]</span> +plainly ſhows. The Critical appears +to me to be a timid, mean production, +and its ſucceſs is a reflection on the +taſte and judgment of the public; but, +as a body, who ever gave it credit for +much? The voice of the people is only +the voice of truth, when ſome man of +abilities has had time to get faſt hold of +the <span class="smcap">great noſe</span> of the monſter. Of +courſe, local fame is generally a +clamour, and dies away. The Appendix +to the Monthly afforded me more +amuſement, though every article almoſt +wants energy and a <i>cant</i> of virtue and +liberality is ſtrewed over it; always +tame, and eager to pay court to eſtabliſhed +fame. The account of Necker +is one unvaried tone of admiration. +Surely men were born only to provide +for the ſuſtenance of the body by enfeebling +the mind!</p> + +<p class="right"><span class="smcap">mary.</span></p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-75_S" id="DPg_4-75_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-75.png">75</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER VIII</h4> + +<p><span class="smcap">You</span> made me very low-ſpirited laſt +night, by your manner of talking.—You +are my only friend—the only +perſon I am <i>intimate</i> with.—I never had +a father, or a brother—you have been +both to me, ever ſince I knew you—yet +I have ſometimes been very petulant.—I +have been thinking of thoſe inſtances +of ill-humour and quickneſs, and they +appeared like crimes.</p> + +<p class="right">Yours ſincerely                </p> + +<p class="right"><span class="smcap">mary.</span></p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-76_S" id="DPg_4-76_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-76.png">76</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER IX</h4> + +<p class="right">Saturday Night.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I am</span> a mere animal, and inſtinctive +emotions too often ſilence the ſuggeſtions +of reaſon. Your note—I can +ſcarcely tell why, hurt me—and produced +a kind of winterly ſmile, which +diffuſes a beam of deſpondent tranquillity +over the features. I have been +very ill—Heaven knows it was more +than fancy—After ſome ſleepleſs, weariſome +nights, towards the morning I +have grown delirious.—Laſt Thurſday, +in particular, I imagined ——— was +thrown into great diſtreſs by his folly; +and I, unable to aſſiſt him, was in an +agony. My nerves were in ſuch a<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-77_S" id="DPg_4-77_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-77.png">77</a>]</span> +painful ſtate of irritation—I ſuffered +more than I can expreſs—Society was +neceſſary—and might have diverted +me till I gained more ſtrength; but I +bluſhed when I recollected how often +I had teazed you with childiſh complaints, +and the reveries of a diſordered +imagination. I even <i>imagined</i> that I +intruded on you, becauſe you never +called on me—though you perceived +that I was not well.—I have nouriſhed +a ſickly kind of delicacy, which gives +me many unneceſſary pangs.—I acknowledge +that life is but a jeſt—and +often a frightful dream—yet catch +myſelf every day ſearching for ſomething +ſerious—and feel real miſery +from the diſappointment. I am a +ſtrange compound of weakneſs and reſolution! +However, if I muſt ſuffer, I +will endeavour to ſuffer in ſilence.<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-78_S" id="DPg_4-78_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-78.png">78</a>]</span> +There is certainly a great defect in my +mind—my wayward heart creates its +own miſery—Why I am made thus I +cannot tell; and, till I can form ſome +idea of the whole of my exiſtence, I +muſt be content to weep and dance +like a child—long for a toy, and be +tired of it as ſoon as I get it.</p> + +<p>We muſt each of us wear a fool's +cap; but mine, alas! has loſt its bells, +and is grown ſo heavy, I find it intolerably +troubleſome.——Good-night! +I have been purſuing a number of +ſtrange thoughts ſince I began to write, +and have actually both wept and +laughed immoderately—Surely I am a +fool—</p> + +<p class="right"><span class="smcap">mary w.</span></p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-79_S" id="DPg_4-79_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-79.png">79</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER X</h4> + +<p class="right">Monday Morning.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I really</span> want a German grammar, +as I intend to attempt to learn that +language—and I will tell you the reaſon +why.—While I live, I am perſuaded, +I muſt exert my underſtanding to procure +an independence, and render +myſelf uſeful. To make the taſk eaſier, +I ought to ſtore my mind with knowledge—The +ſeed time is paſſing away. +I ſee the neceſſity of labouring now—and +of that neceſſity I do not complain; +on the contrary, I am thankful that I +have more than common incentives to +purſue knowledge, and draw my plea<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-80_S" id="DPg_4-80_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-80.png">80</a>]</span>ſures +from the employments that are +within my reach. You perceive this is +not a gloomy day—I feel at this moment +particularly grateful to you—without +your humane and <i>delicate</i> +aſſiſtance, how many obſtacles ſhould I +not have had to encounter—too often +ſhould I have been out of patience +with my fellow-creatures, whom I +wiſh to love!—Allow me to love you, +my dear ſir, and call friend a being I +reſpect.—Adieu!</p> + +<p class="right"><span class="smcap">mary w.</span></p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-81_S" id="DPg_4-81_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-81.png">81</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER XI</h4> + +<p><span class="smcap">I thought</span> you <i>very</i> unkind, nay, +very unfeeling, laſt night. My cares +and vexations—I will ſay what I allow +myſelf to think—do me honour, as they +ariſe from my diſintereſtedneſs and <i>unbending</i> +principles; nor can that mode +of conduct be a reflection on my underſtanding, +which enables me to bear +miſery, rather than ſelfiſhly live for myſelf +alone. I am not the only character +deſerving of reſpect, that has had to +ſtruggle with various ſorrows—while +inferior minds have enjoyed local fame +and preſent comfort.—Dr. Johnſon's +cares almoſt drove him mad—but, I +ſuppoſe, you would quietly have told +him, he was a fool for not being calm, +and that wiſe men ſtriving againſt the<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-82_S" id="DPg_4-82_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-82.png">82</a>]</span> +ſtream, can yet be in good humour. I +have done with inſenſible human wiſdom,—"indifference +cold in wiſdom's +guiſe,"—and turn to the ſource of perfection—who +perhaps never diſregarded +an almoſt broken heart, eſpecially when +a reſpect, a practical reſpect, for virtue, +ſharpened the wounds of adverſity. I +am ill—I ſtayed in bed this morning +till eleven o'clock, only thinking of +getting money to extricate myſelf out +of ſome of my difficulties—The ſtruggle +is now over. I will condeſcend to try +to obtain ſome in a diſagreeable way.</p> + +<p>Mr. ——— called on me juſt now—pray +did you know his motive for calling<a name="FNanchor_82-A_23_S" id="DFNanchor_82-A_23_S"></a><a href="#DFootnote_82-A_23_S" class="fnanchor">[82-A]</a>?—I +think him impertinently offi<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-83_S" id="DPg_4-83_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-83.png">83</a>]</span>cious.—He +had left the houſe before it +occurred to me in the ſtrong light it does +now, or I ſhould have told him ſo—My +poverty makes me proud—I will not be +inſulted by a ſuperficial puppy.—His +intimacy with Miſs ——— gave him a +privilege, which he ſhould not have aſſumed +with me—a propoſal might be +made to his couſin, a milliner's girl, +which ſhould not have been mentioned +to me. Pray tell him that I am offended—and +do not wiſh to ſee him again!—When +I meet him at your houſe, I ſhall +leave the room, ſince I cannot pull him +by the noſe. I can force my ſpirit to +leave my body—but it ſhall never bend +to ſupport that body—God of heaven, +ſave thy child from this living death!—I +ſcarcely know what I write. My +hand trembles—I am very ſick—ſick at +heart.——</p> + +<p class="right"><span class="smcap">mary.</span></p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-84_S" id="DPg_4-84_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-84.png">84</a>]</span></p> +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER XII</h4> + +<p class="right">Tueſday Evening.</p> + +<p>        Sir,</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">When</span> you left me this morning, and +I reflected a moment—your <i>officious</i> +meſſage, which at firſt appeared to me +a joke—looked ſo very like an inſult—I +cannot forget it—To prevent then the +neceſſity of forcing a ſmile—when I +chance to meet you—I take the earlieſt +opportunity of informing you of my +real ſentiments.</p> + +<p class="right"><span class="smcap">mary wollſtonecraft.</span></p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-85_S" id="DPg_4-85_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-85.png">85</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER XIII</h4> + +<p class="right">Wedneſday, 3 o'clock.</p> + +<p>        Sir,</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">It</span> is inexpreſſibly diſagreeable to me +to be obliged to enter again on a ſubject, +that has already raiſed a tumult of +<i>indignant</i> emotions in my boſom, which +I was labouring to ſuppreſs when I received +your letter. I ſhall now <i>condeſcend</i> +to anſwer your epiſtle; but let me +firſt tell you, that, in my <i>unprotected</i> ſituation, +I make a point of never forgiving +a <i>deliberate inſult</i>—and in that light I +conſider your late officious conduct. +It is not according to my nature to +mince matters—I will then tell you in<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-86_S" id="DPg_4-86_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-86.png">86</a>]</span> +plain terms, what I think. I have ever +conſidered you in the light of a <i>civil</i> +acquaintance—on the word friend I lay +a peculiar emphaſis—and, as a mere +acquaintance, you were rude and <i>cruel</i>, +to ſtep forward to inſult a woman, +whoſe conduct and miſfortunes demand +reſpect. If my friend, Mr. Johnſon, +had made the propoſal—I ſhould have +been ſeverely hurt—have thought him +unkind and unfeeling, but not <i>impertinent</i>.—The +privilege of intimacy you +had no claim to—and ſhould have referred +the man to myſelf—if you had +not ſufficient diſcernment to quaſh it at +once. I am, ſir, poor and deſtitute.—Yet +I have a ſpirit that will never bend, +or take indirect methods, to obtain the +conſequence I deſpiſe; nay, if to ſupport +life it was neceſſary to act contrary +to my principles, the ſtruggle<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-87_S" id="DPg_4-87_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-87.png">87</a>]</span> +would ſoon be over. I can bear any +thing but my own contempt.</p> + +<p>In a few words, what I call an inſult, +is the bare ſuppoſition that I could for +a moment think of <i>proſtituting</i> my perſon +for a maintenance; for in that point of +view does ſuch a marriage appear to +me, who conſider right and wrong in +the abſtract, and never by words and +local opinions ſhield myſelf from the +reproaches of my own heart and underſtanding.</p> + +<p>It is needleſs to ſay more—Only you +muſt excuſe me when I add, that I wiſh +never to ſee, but as a perfect ſtranger, +a perſon who could ſo groſſly miſtake +my character. An apology is not neceſſary—if +you were inclined to make +one—nor any further expoſtulations.—I +again repeat, I cannot overlook an +affront; few indeed have ſufficient de<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-88_S" id="DPg_4-88_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-88.png">88</a>]</span>licacy +to reſpect poverty, even where +it gives luſtre to a character—and I tell +you ſir, I am <span class="smcap">poor</span>—yet can live without +your benevolent exertions.</p> + +<p class="right"><span class="smcap">mary wollſtonecraft.</span></p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER XIV</h4> + +<p><span class="smcap">I ſend</span> you <i>all</i> the books I had to review +except Dr. J—'s Sermons, which +I have begun. If you wiſh me to look +over any more traſh this month—you +muſt ſend it directly. I have been ſo +low-ſpirited ſince I ſaw you—I was +quite glad, laſt night, to feel myſelf affected +by ſome paſſages in Dr. J—'s +ſermon on the death of his wife—I<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-89_S" id="DPg_4-89_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-89.png">89</a>]</span> +ſeemed (ſuddenly) to <i>find</i> my <i>ſoul</i> again—It +has been for ſome time I cannot +tell where. Send me the Speaker—and +<i>Mary</i>, I want one—and I ſhall ſoon +want ſome paper—you may as well +ſend it at the ſame time—for I am trying +to brace my nerves that I may be +induſtrious.—I am afraid reaſon is not a +good bracer—for I have been reaſoning +a long time with my untoward ſpirits—and +yet my hand trembles.—I could +finiſh a period very <i>prettily</i> now, by ſaying +that it ought to be ſteady when I +add that I am yours ſincerely,</p> + +<p class="right"><span class="smcap">mary.</span></p> + +<p>If you do not like the manner in +which I reviewed Dr. J—'s ſ—— on +his wife, be it known unto you—I <i>will</i> +not do it any other way—I felt ſome +pleaſure in paying a juſt tribute of re<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-90_S" id="DPg_4-90_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-90.png">90</a>]</span>ſpect +to the memory of a man—who, +ſpite of his faults, I have an affection +for—I ſay <i>have</i>, for I believe he is +ſomewhere—<i>where</i> my ſoul has been +gadding perhaps;—but <i>you</i> do not live +on conjectures.</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>LETTER XV</h4> + +<p><span class="smcap">My</span> dear ſir, I ſend you a chapter +which I am pleaſed with, now I ſee it +in one point of view—and, as I have +made free with the author, I hope you +will not have often to ſay—what does +this mean?</p> + +<p>You forgot you were to make out<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-91_S" id="DPg_4-91_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-91.png">91</a>]</span> +my account—I am, of courſe, over +head and ears in debt; but I have not +that kind of pride, which makes ſome +diſlike to be obliged to thoſe they reſpect.—On +the contrary, when I involuntarily +lament that I have not a father +or brother, I thankfully recollect that +I have received unexpected kindneſs +from you and a few others.—So reaſon +allows, what nature impels me to—for +I cannot live without loving my fellow-creatures—nor +can I love them, without +diſcovering ſome virtue.</p> + +<p class="right"><span class="smcap">mary.</span></p> + +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-92_S" id="DPg_4-92_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-92.png">92</a>]</span></p> +<h4>LETTER XVI</h4> + +<p class="right">Paris, December 26, 1792.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">I ſhould</span> immediately on the receipt +of your letter, my dear friend, have +thanked you for your punctuality, for it +highly gratified me, had I not wiſhed +to wait till I could tell you that this +day was not ſtained with blood. Indeed +the prudent precautions taken by +the National Convention to prevent a +tumult, made me ſuppoſe that the dogs +of faction would not dare to bark, much +leſs to bite, however true to their ſcent; +and I was not miſtaken; for the citizens, +who were all called out, are returning +home with compoſed counte<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-93_S" id="DPg_4-93_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-93.png">93</a>]</span>nances, +ſhouldering their arms. About +nine o'clock this morning, the king +paſſed by my window, moving ſilently +along (excepting now and then a few +ſtrokes on the drum, which rendered +the ſtillneſs more awful) through empty +ſtreets, ſurrounded by the national guards, +who, cluſtering round the carriage, +ſeemed to deſerve their name. The +inhabitants flocked to their windows, +but the caſements were all ſhut, not a +voice was heard, nor did I ſee any +thing like an inſulting geſture.—For +the firſt time ſince I entered France, +I bowed to the majeſty of the people, +and reſpected the propriety of behaviour +ſo perfectly in uniſon with my own +feelings. I can ſcarcely tell you why, +but an aſſociation of ideas made the +tears flow inſenſibly from my eyes, +when I ſaw Louis ſitting, with more<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-94_S" id="DPg_4-94_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-94.png">94</a>]</span> +dignity than I expected from his character, +in a hackney coach, going to +meet death, where ſo many of his race +have triumphed. My fancy inſtantly +brought Louis XIV before me, entering +the capital with all his pomp, after +one of the victories moſt flattering to +his pride, only to ſee the ſunſhine of +proſperity overſhadowed by the ſublime +gloom of miſery. I have been alone +ever ſince; and, though my mind is +calm, I cannot diſmiſs the lively images +that have filled my imagination all the +day.—Nay, do not ſmile, but pity me; +for, once or twice, lifting my eyes from +the paper, I have ſeen eyes glare +through a glaſs-door oppoſite my chair +and bloody hands ſhook at me. Not +the diſtant ſound of a footſtep can I +hear.—My apartments are remote from +thoſe of the ſervants, the only perſons<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-95_S" id="DPg_4-95_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-95.png">95</a>]</span> +who ſleep with me in an immenſe hotel, +one folding door opening after another.—I +wiſh I had even kept the cat with +me!—I want to ſee ſomething alive; +death in ſo many frightful ſhapes has +taken hold of my fancy.—I am going to +bed—and, for the firſt time in my life, I +cannot put out the candle.</p> + +<p class="right"><span class="smcap">m. w.</span></p> + +<div class="footnotes"><h3>FOOTNOTES:</h3> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_67-A_21_S" id="DFootnote_67-A_21_S"></a><a href="#DFNanchor_67-A_21_S"><span class="label">[67-A]</span></a> To Original Stories.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_69-A_22_S" id="DFootnote_69-A_22_S"></a><a href="#DFNanchor_69-A_22_S"><span class="label">[69-A]</span></a> Counteſs Mount Caſhel.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_82-A_23_S" id="DFootnote_82-A_23_S"></a><a href="#DFNanchor_82-A_23_S"><span class="label">[82-A]</span></a> This alludes to a fooliſh propoſal of marriage +for mercenary conſiderations, which the gentleman +here mentioned thought proper to recommend to +her. The two letters which immediately follow, +are addreſſed to the gentleman himſelf.</p></div> +</div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-96_S" id="DPg_4-96_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-96.png">96</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-97_S" id="DPg_4-97_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-97.png">97</a>]</span></p> + +<h2><a name="EXTRACT_S" id="DEXTRACT_S"></a>EXTRACT</h2> + +<h4>OF THE</h4> + +<h2>CAVE OF FANCY.</h2> + +<h3>A TALE.</h3> + +<hr /> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p class="center">[<i>Begun to be written in the year 1787, but never completed</i>]</p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-98_S" id="DPg_4-98_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-98.png">98</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-99_S" id="DPg_4-99_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-99.png">99</a>]</span></p> + +<h2>CAVE OF FANCY.</h2> + + + +<hr class="short" /> +<h2><a name="DV4_CHAP_I_S" id="DV4_CHAP_I_S"></a>CHAP. I.</h2> + + +<p><span class="smcap">Ye</span> who expect conſtancy where every +thing is changing, and peace in the +midſt of tumult, attend to the voice of +experience, and mark in time the footſteps +of diſappointment, or life will be +loſt in deſultory wiſhes, and death arrive +before the dawn of wiſdom.</p> + +<p>In a ſequeſtered valley, ſurrounded by +rocky mountains that intercepted many +of the paſſing clouds, though ſunbeams +variegated their ample ſides, lived a +ſage, to whom nature had unlocked<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-100_S" id="DPg_4-100_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-100.png">100</a>]</span> +her moſt hidden ſecrets. His hollow +eyes, ſunk in their orbits, retired from +the view of vulgar objects, and turned +inwards, overleaped the boundary preſcribed +to human knowledge. Intenſe +thinking during fourſcore and ten years, +had whitened the ſcattered locks on +his head, which, like the ſummit of +the diſtant mountain, appeared to be +bound by an eternal froſt.</p> + +<p>On the ſandy waſte behind the mountains, +the track of ferocious beaſts +might be traced, and ſometimes the +mangled limbs which they left, attracted +a hovering flight of birds of prey. An +extenſive wood the ſage had forced to +rear its head in a ſoil by no means congenial, +and the firm trunks of the trees +ſeemed to frown with defiance on time; +though the ſpoils of innumerable ſummers +covered the roots, which reſembled<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-101_S" id="DPg_4-101_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-101.png">101</a>]</span> +fangs; ſo cloſely did they cling to the +unfriendly ſand, where ſerpents hiſſed, +and ſnakes, rolling out their vaſt folds, +inhaled the noxious vapours. The ravens +and owls who inhabited the ſolitude, +gave alſo a thicker gloom to the +everlaſting twilight, and the croaking +of the former a monotony, in uniſon +with the gloom; whilſt lions and tygers, +ſhunning even this faint ſemblance of +day, ſought the dark caverns, and at +night, when they ſhook off ſleep, their +roaring would make the whole valley +reſound, confounded with the ſcreechings +of the bird of night.</p> + +<p>One mountain roſe ſublime, towering +above all, on the craggy ſides of which +a few ſea-weeds grew, waſhed by the +ocean, that with tumultuous roar ruſhed +to aſſault, and even undermine, the +huge barrier that ſtopped its progreſs;<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-102_S" id="DPg_4-102_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-102.png">102</a>]</span> +and ever and anon a ponderous maſs, +looſened from the cliff, to which it +ſcarcely ſeemed to adhere, always threatening +to fall, fell into the flood, rebounding +as it fell, and the ſound was re-echoed +from rock to rock. Look where +you would, all was without form, as +if nature, ſuddenly ſtopping her hand, +had left chaos a retreat.</p> + +<p>Cloſe to the moſt remote ſide of it +was the ſage's abode. It was a rude +hut, formed of ſtumps of trees and +matted twigs, to ſecure him from the +inclemency of the weather; only through +ſmall apertures croſſed with ruſhes, the +wind entered in wild murmurs, modulated +by theſe obſtructions. A clear +ſpring broke out of the middle of the +adjacent rock, which, dropping ſlowly +into a cavity it had hollowed, ſoon +overflowed, and then ran, ſtruggling to<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-103_S" id="DPg_4-103_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-103.png">103</a>]</span> +free itſelf from the cumbrous fragments, +till, become a deep, ſilent ſtream, it +eſcaped through reeds, and roots of +trees, whoſe blaſted tops overhung and +darkened the current.</p> + +<p>One ſide of the hut was ſupported by +the rock, and at midnight, when the +ſage ſtruck the incloſed part, it yawned +wide, and admitted him into a cavern in +the very bowels of the earth, where +never human foot before had trod; and +the various ſpirits, which inhabit the +different regions of nature, were here +obedient to his potent word. The cavern +had been formed by the great +inundation of waters, when the approach +of a comet forced them from +their ſource; then, when the fountains +of the great deep were broken up, +a ſtream ruſhed out of the centre of the +earth, where the ſpirits, who have lived<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-104_S" id="DPg_4-104_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-104.png">104</a>]</span> +on it, are confined to purify themſelves +from the droſs contracted in their firſt +ſtage of exiſtence; and it flowed in +black waves, for ever bubbling along +the cave, the extent of which had never +been explored. From the ſides and +top, water diſtilled, and, petrifying as +it fell, took fantaſtic ſhapes, that ſoon +divided it into apartments, if ſo they +might be called. In the foam, a wearied +ſpirit would ſometimes riſe, to catch +the moſt diſtant glimpſe of light, or +taſte the vagrant breeze, which the +yawning of the rock admitted, when +Sageſtus, for that was the name of the +hoary ſage, entered. Some, who were +refined and almoſt cleared from vicious +ſpots, he would allow to leave, for a limited +time, their dark priſon-houſe; +and, flying on the winds acroſs the bleak +northern ocean, or riſing in an exhala<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-105_S" id="DPg_4-105_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-105.png">105</a>]</span>tion +till they reached a ſun-beam, they +thus re-viſited the haunts of men. Theſe +were the guardian angels, who in ſoft +whiſpers reſtrain the vicious, and animate +the wavering wretch who ſtands +ſuſpended between virtue and vice.</p> + +<p>Sageſtus had ſpent a night in the cavern, +as he often did, and he left the +ſilent veſtibule of the grave, juſt as the +ſun, emerging from the ocean, diſperſed +the clouds, which were not half +ſo denſe as thoſe he had left. All that +was human in him rejoiced at the ſight +of reviving life, and he viewed with +pleaſure the mounting ſap riſing to expand +the herbs, which grew ſpontaneouſly +in this wild—when, turning his +eyes towards the ſea, he found that +death had been at work during his abſence, +and terrific marks of a furious +ſtorm ſtill ſpread horror around. Though<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-106_S" id="DPg_4-106_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-106.png">106</a>]</span> +the day was ſerene, and threw bright +rays on eyes for ever ſhut, it dawned +not for the wretches who hung pendent +on the craggy rocks, or were ſtretched +lifeleſs on the ſand. Some, ſtruggling, +had dug themſelves a grave; others +had reſigned their breath before the +impetuous ſurge whirled them on ſhore. +A few, in whom the vital ſpark was +not ſo ſoon diſlodged, had clung to +looſe fragments; it was the graſp of +death; embracing the ſtone, they ſtiffened; +and the head, no longer erect, +reſted on the maſs which the arms encircled. +It felt not the agonizing gripe, +nor heard the ſigh that broke the heart +in twain.</p> + +<p>Reſting his chin on an oaken club, +the ſage looked on every ſide, to ſee +if he could diſcern any who yet breathed. +He drew nearer, and thought he<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-107_S" id="DPg_4-107_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-107.png">107</a>]</span> +ſaw, at the firſt glance, the uncloſed eyes +glare; but ſoon perceived that they +were a mere glaſſy ſubſtance, mute as +the tongue; the jaws were fallen, and, +in ſome of the tangled locks, hands +were clinched; nay, even the nails +had entered ſharpened by deſpair. The +blood flew rapidly to his heart; it was +fleſh; he felt he was ſtill a man, and +the big tear paced down his iron cheeks, +whoſe muſcles had not for a long time +been relaxed by ſuch humane emotions. +A moment he breathed quick, then +heaved a ſigh, and his wonted calm +returned with an unaccuſtomed glow +of tenderneſs; for the ways of heaven +were not hid from him; he lifted up +his eyes to the common Father of nature, +and all was as ſtill in his boſom, as +the ſmooth deep, after having cloſed<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-108_S" id="DPg_4-108_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-108.png">108</a>]</span> +over the huge veſſel from which the +wretches had fled.</p> + +<p>Turning round a part of the rock +that jutted out, meditating on the ways +of Providence, a weak infantine voice +reached his ears; it was liſping out the +name of mother. He looked, and beheld +a blooming child leaning over, and +kiſſing with eager fondneſs, lips that +were inſenſible to the warm preſſure. +Starting at the ſight of the ſage, ſhe +fixed her eyes on him, "Wake her, +ah! wake her," ſhe cried, "or the +ſea will catch us." Again he felt compaſſion, +for he ſaw that the mother +ſlept the ſleep of death. He ſtretched +out his hand, and, ſmoothing his brow, +invited her to approach; but ſhe ſtill +intreated him to wake her mother, +whom ſhe continued to call, with an +impatient tremulous voice. To detach<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-109_S" id="DPg_4-109_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-109.png">109</a>]</span> +her from the body by perſuaſion would +not have been very eaſy. Sageſtus had +a quicker method to effect his purpoſe; +he took out a box which contained a +ſoporific powder, and as ſoon as the +fumes reached her brain, the powers of +life were ſuſpended.</p> + +<p>He carried her directly to his hut, +and left her ſleeping profoundly on his +ruſhy couch.</p> + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-110_S" id="DPg_4-110_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-110.png">110</a>]</span></p> +<h2><a name="DV4_CHAP_II_S" id="DV4_CHAP_II_S"></a>CHAP. II.</h2> + + +<p><span class="smcap">Again</span> Sageſtus approached the +dead, to view them with a more ſcrutinizing +eye. He was perfectly acquainted +with the conſtruction of the +human body, knew the traces that virtue +or vice leaves on the whole frame; +they were now indelibly fixed by death; +nay more, he knew by the ſhape of +the ſolid ſtructure, how far the ſpirit +could range, and ſaw the barrier beyond +which it could not paſs: the mazes of +fancy he explored, meaſured the ſtretch +of thought, and, weighing all in an +even balance, could tell whom nature +had ſtamped an hero, a poet, or philoſopher.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-111_S" id="DPg_4-111_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-111.png">111</a>]</span> +By their appearance, at a tranſient +glance, he knew that the veſſel muſt +have contained many paſſengers, and +that ſome of them were above the vulgar, +with reſpect to fortune and education; +he then walked leiſurely among +the dead, and narrowly obſerved their +pallid features.</p> + +<p>His eye firſt reſted on a form in which +proportion reigned, and, ſtroking back +the hair, a ſpacious forehead met his +view; warm fancy had revelled there, +and her airy dance had left veſtiges, +ſcarcely viſible to a mortal eye. Some +perpendicular lines pointed out that +melancholy had predominated in his +conſtitution; yet the ſtraggling hairs +of his eye-brows ſhowed that anger had +often ſhook his frame; indeed, the +four temperatures, like the four elements, +had reſided in this little world,<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-112_S" id="DPg_4-112_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-112.png">112</a>]</span> +and produced harmony. The whole +viſage was bony, and an energetic +frown had knit the flexible ſkin of his +brow; the kingdom within had been +extenſive; and the wild creations of +fancy had there "a local habitation +and a name." So exquiſite was his +ſenſibility, ſo quick his comprehenſion, +that he perceived various combinations +in an inſtant; he caught truth as ſhe +darted towards him, ſaw all her fair +proportion at a glance, and the flaſh of +his eye ſpoke the quick ſenſes which +conveyed intelligence to his mind; the +ſenſorium indeed was capacious, and +the ſage imagined he ſaw the lucid +beam, ſparkling with love or ambition, +in characters of fire, which a graceful +curve of the upper eyelid ſhaded. The +lips were a little deranged by contempt; +and a mixture of vanity and<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-113_S" id="DPg_4-113_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-113.png">113</a>]</span> +ſelf-complacency formed a few irregular +lines round them. The chin had +ſuffered from ſenſuality, yet there were +ſtill great marks of vigour in it, as if +advanced with ſtern dignity. The +hand accuſtomed to command, and even +tyrannize, was unnerved; but its appearance +convinced Sageſtus, that he +had oftener wielded a thought than a +weapon; and that he had ſilenced, by +irreſiſtible conviction, the ſuperficial +diſputant, and the being, who doubted +becauſe he had not ſtrength to believe, +who, wavering between different borrowed +opinions, firſt caught at one +ſtraw, then at another, unable to ſettle +into any conſiſtency of character. After +gazing a few moments, Sageſtus turned +away exclaiming, How are the ſtately +oaks torn up by a tempeſt, and the bow<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-114_S" id="DPg_4-114_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-114.png">114</a>]</span> +unſtrung, that could force the arrow +beyond the ken of the eye!</p> + +<p>What a different face next met his +view! The forehead was ſhort, yet well +ſet together; the noſe ſmall, but a little +turned up at the end; and a draw-down +at the ſides of his mouth, proved that +he had been a humouriſt, who minded +the main chance, and could joke with +his acquaintance, while he eagerly devoured +a dainty which he was not to +pay for. His lips ſhut like a box whoſe +hinges had often been mended; and +the muſcles, which diſplay the ſoft emotion +of the heart on the cheeks, were +grown quite rigid, ſo that, the veſſels +that ſhould have moiſtened them not +having much communication with the +grand ſource of paſſions, the fine volatile +fluid had evaporated, and they +became mere dry fibres, which might<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-115_S" id="DPg_4-115_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-115.png">115</a>]</span> +be pulled by any miſfortune that +threatened himſelf, but were not ſufficiently +elaſtic to be moved by the +miſeries of others. His joints were +inſerted compactly, and with celerity +they had performed all the animal +functions, without any of the grace +which reſults from the imagination +mixing with the ſenſes.</p> + +<p>A huge form was ſtretched near him, +that exhibited marks of overgrown +infancy; every part was relaxed; all +appeared imperfect. Yet, ſome undulating +lines on the puffed-out cheeks, +diſplayed ſigns of timid, ſervile good +nature; and the ſkin of the forehead +had been ſo often drawn up by wonder, +that the few hairs of the eyebrows were +fixed in a ſharp arch, whilſt an ample +chin reſted in lobes of fleſh on his protuberant +breaſt.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-116_S" id="DPg_4-116_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-116.png">116</a>]</span> +By his ſide was a body that had +ſcarcely ever much life in it—ſympathy +ſeemed to have drawn them together—every +feature and limb was round and +fleſhy, and, if a kind of brutal cunning +had not marked the face, it might have +been miſtaken for an automaton, ſo unmixed +was the phlegmatic fluid. The +vital ſpark was buried deep in a ſoft +maſs of matter, reſembling the pith in +young elder, which, when found, is ſo +equivocal, that it only appears a moiſter +part of the ſame body.</p> + +<p>Another part of the beach was +covered with ſailors, whoſe bodies exhibited +marks of ſtrength and brutal +courage.—Their characters were all +different, though of the ſame claſs; +Sageſtus did not ſtay to diſcriminate +them, ſatiſfied with a rough ſketch. +He ſaw indolence rouſed by a love of<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-117_S" id="DPg_4-117_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-117.png">117</a>]</span> +humour, or rather bodily fun; ſenſuality +and prodigality with a vein of generoſity +running through it; a contempt +of danger with groſs ſuperſtition; +ſupine ſenſes, only to be kept alive by +noiſy, tumultuous pleaſures, or that +kind of novelty which borders on abſurdity: +this formed the common outline, +and the reſt were rather dabs than +ſhades.</p> + +<p>Sageſtus pauſed, and remembered it +had been ſaid by an earthly wit, that +"many a flower is born to bluſh unſeen, +and waſte its ſweetneſs on the +deſart air." How little, he exclaimed, +did that poet know of the ways of +heaven! And yet, in this reſpect, they +are direct; the hands before me, were +deſigned to pull a rope, knock down a +ſheep, or perform the ſervile offices of +life; no "mute, inglorious poet" reſts<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-118_S" id="DPg_4-118_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-118.png">118</a>]</span> +amongſt them, and he who is ſuperior +to his fellow, does not riſe above mediocrity. +The genius that ſprouts from +a dunghil ſoon ſhakes off the heterogenous +maſs; thoſe only grovel, who +have not power to fly.</p> + +<p>He turned his ſtep towards the mother +of the orphan: another female +was at ſome diſtance; and a man who, +by his garb, might have been the huſband, +or brother, of the former, was +not far off.</p> + +<p>Him the ſage ſurveyed with an attentive +eye, and bowed with reſpect +to the inanimate clay, that lately had +been the dwelling of a moſt benevolent +ſpirit. The head was ſquare, though +the features were not very prominent; +but there was a great harmony in every +part, and the turn of the noſtrils and +lips evinced, that the ſoul muſt have<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-119_S" id="DPg_4-119_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-119.png">119</a>]</span> +had taſte, to which they had ſerved as +organs. Penetration and judgment +were ſeated on the brows that overhung +the eye. Fixed as it was, Sageſtus +quickly diſcerned the expreſſion +it muſt have had; dark and penſive, +rather from ſlowneſs of comprehenſion +than melancholy, it ſeemed to abſorb +the light of knowledge, to drink it in +ray by ray; nay, a new one was not +allowed to enter his head till the laſt +was arranged: an opinion was thus +cautiouſly received, and maturely +weighed, before it was added to the +general ſtock. As nature led him to +mount from a part to the whole, he +was moſt converſant with the beautiful, +and rarely comprehended the ſublime; +yet, ſaid Sageſtus, with a ſoftened tone, +he was all heart, full of forbearance, and +deſirous to pleaſe every fellow-creature;<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-120_S" id="DPg_4-120_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-120.png">120</a>]</span> +but from a nobler motive than a love +of admiration; the fumes of vanity +never mounted to cloud his brain, or +tarniſh his beneficence. The fluid in +which thoſe placid eyes ſwam, is now +congealed; how often has tenderneſs +given them the fineſt water! Some +torn parts of the child's dreſs hung +round his arm, which led the ſage to +conclude, that he had ſaved the child; +every line in his face confirmed the +conjecture; benevolence indeed ſtrung +the nerves that naturally were not +very firm; it was the great knot that +tied together the ſcattered qualities, +and gave the diſtinct ſtamp to the character.</p> + +<p>The female whom he next approached, +and ſuppoſed to be an attendant on +the other, was below the middle ſize, +and her legs were ſo diſproportionably<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-121_S" id="DPg_4-121_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-121.png">121</a>]</span> +ſhort, that, when ſhe moved, ſhe muſt +have waddled along; her elbows were +drawn in to touch her long taper, waiſt, +and the air of her whole body was an +affectation of gentility. Death could +not alter the rigid hang of her limbs, or +efface the ſimper that had ſtretched her +mouth; the lips were thin, as if nature +intended ſhe ſhould mince her words; +her noſe was ſmall, and ſharp at the +end; and the forehead, unmarked by +eyebrows, was wrinkled by the diſcontent +that had ſunk her cheeks, on +which Sageſtus ſtill diſcerned faint +traces of tenderneſs; and fierce good-nature, +he perceived had ſometimes +animated the little ſpark of an eye that +anger had oftener lighted. The ſame +thought occurred to him that the ſight +of the ſailors had ſuggeſted, Men and +women are all in their proper places<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-122_S" id="DPg_4-122_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-122.png">122</a>]</span>—this +female was intended to fold up +linen and nurſe the ſick.</p> + +<p>Anxious to obſerve the mother of +his charge, he turned to the lily that +had been ſo rudely ſnapped, and, carefully +obſerving it, traced every fine line +to its ſource. There was a delicacy in +her form, ſo truly feminine, that an involuntary +deſire to cheriſh ſuch a being, +made the ſage again feel the almoſt forgotten +ſenſations of his nature. On +obſerving her more cloſely, he diſcovered +that her natural delicacy had been +increaſed by an improper education, +to a degree that took away all vigour +from her faculties. And its baneful +influence had had ſuch an effect on her +mind, that few traces of the exertions +of it appeared on her face, though the +fine finiſh of her features, and particularly +the form of the forehead, con<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-123_S" id="DPg_4-123_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-123.png">123</a>]</span>vinced +the ſage that her underſtanding +might have riſen conſiderably above +mediocrity, had the wheels ever been +put in motion; but, clogged by prejudices, +they never turned quite round, +and, whenever ſhe conſidered a ſubject, +ſhe ſtopped before ſhe came to a concluſion. +Aſſuming a maſk of propriety, +ſhe had baniſhed nature; yet +its tendency was only to be diverted, +not ſtifled. Some lines, which took +from the ſymmetry of the mouth, not +very obvious to a ſuperficial obſerver, +ſtruck Sageſtus, and they appeared to +him characters of indolent obſtinacy. +Not having courage to form an opinion +of her own, ſhe adhered, with blind +partiality, to thoſe ſhe adopted, which +ſhe received in the lump, and, as they +always remained unopened, of courſe +ſhe only ſaw the even gloſs on the out<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-124_S" id="DPg_4-124_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-124.png">124</a>]</span>ſide. +Veſtiges of anger were viſible on +her brow, and the ſage concluded, that +ſhe had often been offended with, and +indeed would ſcarcely make any allowance +for, thoſe who did not coincide +with her in opinion, as things always +appear ſelf-evident that have never +been examined; yet her very weakneſs +gave a charming timidity to her countenance; +goodneſs and tenderneſs pervaded +every lineament, and melted in +her dark blue eyes. The compaſſion +that wanted activity, was ſincere, though +it only embelliſhed her face, or produced +caſual acts of charity when a +moderate alms could relieve preſent +diſtreſs. Unacquainted with life, fictitious, +unnatural diſtreſs drew the tears +that were not ſhed for real miſery. In +its own ſhape, human wretchedneſs +excites a little diſguſt in the mind that<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-125_S" id="DPg_4-125_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-125.png">125</a>]</span> +has indulged ſickly refinement. Perhaps +the ſage gave way to a little conjecture +in drawing the laſt concluſion; +but his conjectures generally aroſe from +diſtinct ideas, and a dawn of light +allowed him to ſee a great way farther +than common mortals.</p> + +<p>He was now convinced that the orphan +was not very unfortunate in having +loſt ſuch a mother. The parent that +inſpires fond affection without reſpect, +is ſeldom an uſeful one; and they only +are reſpectable, who conſider right and +wrong abſtracted from local forms and +accidental modifications.</p> + +<p>Determined to adopt the child, he +named it after himſelf, Sageſta, and +retired to the hut where the innocent +ſlept, to think of the beſt method of +educating this child, whom the angry +deep had ſpared.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-126_S" id="DPg_4-126_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-126.png">126</a>]</span> +[The laſt branch of the education of +Sageſta, conſiſted of a variety of characters +and ſtories preſented to her +in the Cave of Fancy, of which the +following is a ſpecimen.]</p> + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-127_S" id="DPg_4-127_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-127.png">127</a>]</span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAP_S" id="DCHAP_S"></a>CHAP.</h2> + + +<p><span class="smcap">A form</span> now approached that +particularly ſtruck and intereſted Sageſta. +The ſage, obſerving what paſſed in her +mind, bade her ever truſt to the firſt +impreſſion. In life, he continued, try +to remember the effect the firſt appearance +of a ſtranger has on your mind; +and, in proportion to your ſenſibility, +you may decide on the character. Intelligence +glances from eyes that have +the ſame purſuits, and a benevolent +heart ſoon traces the marks of benevolence +on the countenance of an unknown +fellow-creature; and not only +the countenance, but the geſtures, the<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-128_S" id="DPg_4-128_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-128.png">128</a>]</span> +voice, loudly ſpeak truth to the unprejudiced +mind.</p> + +<p>Whenever a ſtranger advances towards +you with a tripping ſtep, receives +you with broad ſmiles, and a profuſion +of compliments, and yet you find yourſelf +embarraſſed and unable to return +the ſalutation with equal cordiality, be +aſſured that ſuch a perſon is affected, +and endeavours to maintain a very good +character in the eyes of the world, +without really practiſing the ſocial virtues +which dreſs the face in looks of +unfeigned complacency. Kindred minds +are drawn to each other by expreſſions +which elude deſcription; and, like the +calm breeze that plays on a ſmooth +lake, they are rather felt than ſeen. +Beware of a man who always appears in +good humour; a ſelfiſh deſign too frequently +lurks in the ſmiles the heart<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-129_S" id="DPg_4-129_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-129.png">129</a>]</span> +never curved; or there is an affectation +of candour that deſtroys all ſtrength of +character, by blending truth and falſhood +into an unmeaning maſs. The +mouth, in fact, ſeems to be the feature +where you may trace every kind of diſſimulation, +from the ſimper of vanity, +to the fixed ſmile of the deſigning villain. +Perhaps, the modulations of +the voice will ſtill more quickly give +a key to the character than even the +turns of the mouth, or the words +that iſſue from it; often do the +tones of unpractiſed diſſemblers give +the lie to their aſſertions. Many +people never ſpeak in an unnatural +voice, but when they are inſincere: the +phraſes not correſponding with the +dictates of the heart, have nothing to +keep them in tune. In the courſe of +an argument however, you may eaſily +diſcover whether vanity or conviction<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-130_S" id="DPg_4-130_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-130.png">130</a>]</span> +ſtimulates the diſputant, though his +inflated countenance may be turned +from you, and you may not ſee the +geſtures which mark ſelf-ſufficiency. +He ſtopped, and the ſpirit began.</p> + +<p>I have wandered through the cave; +and, as ſoon as I have taught you a uſeful +leſſon, I ſhall take my flight where +my tears will ceaſe to flow, and where +mine eyes will no more be ſhocked +with the ſight of guilt and ſorrow. +Before many moons have changed, +thou wilt enter, O mortal! into that +world I have lately left. Liſten to my +warning voice, and truſt not too much +to the goodneſs which I perceive reſides +in thy breaſt. Let it be reined in by +principles, leſt thy very virtue ſharpen +the ſting of remorſe, which as naturally +follows diſorder in the moral world, as +pain attends on intemperance in the<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-131_S" id="DPg_4-131_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-131.png">131</a>]</span> +phyſical. But my hiſtory will afford you +more inſtruction than mere advice. Sageſtus +concurred in opinion with her, +obſerving that the ſenſes of children +ſhould be the firſt object of improvement; +then their paſſions worked on; and judgment +the fruit, muſt be the acquirement +of the being itſelf, when out of +leading-ſtrings. The ſpirit bowed aſſent, +and, without any further prelude, +entered on her hiſtory.</p> + +<p>My mother was a moſt reſpectable +character, but ſhe was yoked to a man +whoſe follies and vices made her ever +feel the weight of her chains. The +firſt ſenſation I recollect, was pity; for +I have ſeen her weep over me and the +reſt of her babes, lamenting that the +extravagance of a father would throw +us deſtitute on the world. But, though +my father was extravagant, and ſeldom<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-132_S" id="DPg_4-132_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-132.png">132</a>]</span> +thought of any thing but his own pleaſures, +our education was not neglected. +In ſolitude, this employment was my +mother's only ſolace; and my father's +pride made him procure us maſters; +nay, ſometimes he was ſo gratified by +our improvement, that he would embrace +us with tenderneſs, and intreat +my mother to forgive him, with marks +of real contrition. But the affection his +penitence gave riſe to, only ſerved to +expoſe her to continual diſappointments, +and keep hope alive merely to +torment her. After a violent debauch +he would let his beard grow, and the +ſadneſs that reigned in the houſe I ſhall +never forget; he was aſhamed to meet +even the eyes of his children. This is ſo +contrary to the nature of things, it +gave me exquiſite pain; I uſed, at thoſe +times, to ſhow him extreme reſpect. I<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-133_S" id="DPg_4-133_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-133.png">133</a>]</span> +could not bear to ſee my parent humble +himſelf before me. However neither +his conſtitution, nor fortune could +long bear the conſtant waſte. He had, +I have obſerved, a childiſh affection +for his children, which was diſplayed +in careſſes that gratified him for the +moment, yet never reſtrained the headlong +fury of his appetites; his momentary +repentance wrung his heart, without +influencing his conduct; and he died, +leaving an encumbered wreck of a good +eſtate.</p> + +<p>As we had always lived in ſplendid +poverty, rather than in affluence, the +ſhock was not ſo great; and my mother +repreſſed her anguiſh, and concealed +ſome circumſtances, that ſhe might not +ſhed a deſtructive mildew over the +gaiety of youth.</p> + +<p>So fondly did I doat on this dear pa<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-134_S" id="DPg_4-134_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-134.png">134</a>]</span>rent, +that ſhe engroſſed all my tenderneſs; +her ſorrows had knit me firmly to +her, and my chief care was to give her +proofs of affection. The gallantry that +afforded my companions, the few young +people my mother forced me to mix +with, ſo much pleaſure, I deſpiſed; I +wiſhed more to be loved than admired, +for I could love. I adored virtue; and +my imagination, chaſing a chimerical +object, overlooked the common pleaſures +of life; they were not ſufficient for my +happineſs. A latent fire made me burn +to riſe ſuperior to my contemporaries in +wiſdom and virtue; and tears of joy +and emulation filled my eyes when I +read an account of a great action—I +felt admiration, not aſtoniſhment.</p> + +<p>My mother had two particular friends, +who endeavoured to ſettle her affairs; +one was a middle-aged man, a mer<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-135_S" id="DPg_4-135_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-135.png">135</a>]</span>chant; +the human breaſt never enſhrined +a more benevolent heart. His +manners were rather rough, and he +bluntly ſpoke his thoughts without obſerving +the pain it gave; yet he poſſeſſed +extreme tenderneſs, as far as his diſcernment +went. Men do not make +ſufficient diſtinction, ſaid ſhe, digreſſing +from her ſtory to addreſs Sageſtus, between +tenderneſs and ſenſibility.</p> + +<p>To give the ſhorteſt definition of ſenſibility, +replied the ſage, I ſhould ſay +that it is the reſult of acute ſenſes, finely +faſhioned nerves, which vibrate at the +ſlighteſt touch, and convey ſuch clear intelligence +to the brain, that it does not +require to be arranged by the judgment. +Such perſons inſtantly enter into the +characters of others, and inſtinctively +diſcern what will give pain to every +human being; their own feelings are<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-136_S" id="DPg_4-136_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-136.png">136</a>]</span> +ſo varied that they ſeem to contain in +themſelves, not only all the paſſions of the +ſpecies, but their various modifications. +Exquiſite pain and pleaſure is their +portion; nature wears for them a different +aſpect than is diſplayed to common +mortals. One moment it is a paradiſe; +all is beautiful: a cloud ariſes, an emotion +receives a ſudden damp; darkneſs +invades the ſky, and the world is an +unweeded garden;—but go on with +your narrative, ſaid Sageſtus, recollecting +himſelf.</p> + +<p>She proceeded. The man I am deſcribing +was humanity itſelf; but frequently +he did not underſtand me; many of my +feelings were not to be analyzed by +his common ſenſe. His friendſhips, +for he had many friends, gave him pleaſure +unmixed with pain; his religion +was coldly reaſonable, becauſe he want<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-137_S" id="DPg_4-137_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-137.png">137</a>]</span>ed +fancy, and he did not feel the neceſſity +of finding, or creating, a perfect +object, to anſwer the one engraved on +his heart: the ſketch there was faint. +He went with the ſtream, and rather +caught a character from the ſociety he +lived in, than ſpread one around him. +In my mind many opinions were graven +with a pen of braſs, which he thought +chimerical: but time could not eraſe +them, and I now recognize them as +the ſeeds of eternal happineſs: they +will ſoon expand in thoſe realms where +I ſhall enjoy the bliſs adapted to my +nature; this is all we need aſk of the +Supreme Being; happineſs muſt follow +the completion of his deſigns. He +however could live quietly, without +giving a preponderancy to many important +opinions that continually obtruded +on my mind; not having an en<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-138_S" id="DPg_4-138_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-138.png">138</a>]</span>thuſiaſtic +affection for his fellow creatures, +he did them good, without ſuffering +from their follies. He was particularly +attached to me, and I felt for +him all the affection of a daughter; +often, when he had been intereſting +himſelf to promote my welfare, have I +lamented that he was not my father; +lamented that the vices of mine had +dried up one ſource of pure affection.</p> + +<p>The other friend I have already alluded +to, was of a very different character; +greatneſs of mind, and thoſe +combinations of feeling which are ſo +difficult to deſcribe, raiſed him above +the throng, that buſtle their hour out, +lie down to ſleep, and are forgotten. +But I ſhall ſoon ſee him, ſhe exclaimed, +as much ſuperior to his former ſelf, as +he then roſe in my eyes above his fellow +creatures! As ſhe ſpoke, a glow<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-139_S" id="DPg_4-139_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-139.png">139</a>]</span> +of delight animated each feature; her +countenance appeared tranſparent; and +ſhe ſilently anticipated the happineſs +ſhe ſhould enjoy, when ſhe entered thoſe +manſions, where death-divided friends +ſhould meet, to part no more; where +human weakneſs could not damp their +bliſs, or poiſon the cup of joy that, on +earth, drops from the lips as ſoon as +taſted, or, if ſome daring mortal ſnatches +a haſty draught, what was ſweet to the +taſte becomes a root of bitterneſs.</p> + +<p>He was unfortunate, had many cares +to ſtruggle with, and I marked on his +cheeks traces of the ſame ſorrows that +ſunk my own. He was unhappy I ſay, +and perhaps pity might firſt have awoke +my tenderneſs; for, early in life, an +artful woman worked on his compaſſionate +ſoul, and he united his fate to +a being made up of ſuch jarring ele<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-140_S" id="DPg_4-140_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-140.png">140</a>]</span>ments, +that he was ſtill alone. The +diſcovery did not extinguiſh that propenſity +to love, a high ſenſe of virtue +fed. I ſaw him ſick and unhappy, +without a friend to ſooth the hours +languor made heavy; often did I ſit a +long winter's evening by his ſide, railing +at the ſwift wings of time, and +terming my love, humanity.</p> + +<p>Two years paſſed in this manner, ſilently +rooting my affection; and it might +have continued calm, if a fever had +not brought him to the very verge of +the grave. Though ſtill deceived, I was +miſerable that the cuſtoms of the world +did not allow me to watch by him; +when ſleep forſook his pillow, my wearied +eyes were not cloſed, and my +anxious ſpirit hovered round his bed. +I ſaw him, before he had recovered his +ſtrength; and, when his hand touched<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-141_S" id="DPg_4-141_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-141.png">141</a>]</span> +mine, life almoſt retired, or flew to +meet the touch. The firſt look found +a ready way to my heart, and thrilled +through every vein. We were left +alone, and inſenſibly began to talk of +the immortality of the ſoul; I declared +that I could not live without this conviction. +In the ardour of converſation +he preſſed my hand to his heart; it +reſted there a moment, and my emotions +gave weight to my opinion, for +the affection we felt was not of a periſhable +nature.—A ſilence enſued, I +know not how long; he then threw +my hand from him, as if it had been a +ſerpent; formally complained of the +weather, and adverted to twenty other +unintereſting ſubjects. Vain efforts! +Our hearts had already ſpoken to +each other.</p> + +<p>Feebly did I afterwards combat an<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-142_S" id="DPg_4-142_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-142.png">142</a>]</span> +affection, which ſeemed twiſted in every +fibre of my heart. The world ſtood ſtill +when I thought of him; it moved heavily +at beſt, with one whoſe very conſtitution +ſeemed to mark her out for miſery. +But I will not dwell on the paſſion +I too fondly nurſed. One only refuge +had I on earth; I could not reſolutely +deſolate the ſcene my fancy flew to, +when worldly cares, when a knowledge +of mankind, which my circumſtances +forced on me, rendered every other +inſipid. I was afraid of the unmarked +vacuity of common life; yet, though I +ſupinely indulged myſelf in fairy-land, +when I ought to have been more actively +employed, virtue was ſtill the +firſt mover of my actions; ſhe dreſſed +my love in ſuch enchanting colours, +and ſpread the net I could never break. +Our correſponding feelings confounded<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-143_S" id="DPg_4-143_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-143.png">143</a>]</span> +our very ſouls; and in many converſations +we almoſt intuitively diſcerned +each other's ſentiments; the heart opened +itſelf, not chilled by reſerve, nor +afraid of miſconſtruction. But, if virtue +inſpired love, love gave new energy to +virtue, and abſorbed every ſelfiſh paſſion. +Never did even a wiſh eſcape +me, that my lover ſhould not fulfil the +hard duties which fate had impoſed on +him. I only diſſembled with him in +one particular; I endeavoured to ſoften +his wife's too conſpicuous follies, and +extenuated her failings in an indirect +manner. To this I was prompted by a +loftineſs of ſpirit; I ſhould have broken +the band of life, had I ceaſed to reſpect +myſelf. But I will haſten to an important +change in my circumſtances.</p> + +<p>My mother, who had concealed the +real ſtate of her affairs from me, was<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-144_S" id="DPg_4-144_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-144.png">144</a>]</span> +now impelled to make me her confident, +that I might aſſiſt to diſcharge +her mighty debt of gratitude. The +merchant, my more than father, had +privately aſſiſted her: but a fatal civil-war +reduced his large property to a +bare competency; and an inflammation +in his eyes, that aroſe from a cold he +had caught at a wreck, which he watched +during a ſtormy night to keep off +the lawleſs colliers, almoſt deprived +him of ſight. His life had been ſpent +in ſociety, and he ſcarcely knew how +to fill the void; for his ſpirit would not +allow him to mix with his former +equals as an humble companion; he +who had been treated with uncommon +reſpect, could not brook their inſulting +pity. From the reſource of ſolitude, +reading, the complaint in his eyes cut<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-145_S" id="DPg_4-145_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-145.png">145</a>]</span> +him off, and he became our conſtant +viſitor.</p> + +<p>Actuated by the ſincereſt affection, +I uſed to read to him, and he miſtook +my tenderneſs for love. How could I +undeceive him, when every circumſtance +frowned on him! Too ſoon I +found that I was his only comfort; I, +who rejected his hand when fortune +ſmiled, could not now ſecond her blow; +and, in a moment of enthuſiaſtic gratitude +and tender compaſſion, I offered +him my hand.—It was received with +pleaſure; tranſport was not made for +his ſoul; nor did he diſcover that nature +had ſeparated us, by making me +alive to ſuch different ſenſations. My +mother was to live with us, and I +dwelt on this circumſtance to baniſh +cruel recollections, when the bent bow +returned to its former ſtate.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-146_S" id="DPg_4-146_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-146.png">146</a>]</span> +With a burſting heart and a firm +voice, I named the day when I was to +ſeal my promiſe. It came, in ſpite of +my regret; I had been previouſly preparing +myſelf for the awful ceremony, +and anſwered the ſolemn queſtion with +a reſolute tone, that would ſilence the +dictates of my heart; it was a forced, +unvaried one; had nature modulated +it, my ſecret would have eſcaped. My +active ſpirit was painfully on the watch +to repreſs every tender emotion. The +joy in my venerable parent's countenance, +the tenderneſs of my huſband, +as he conducted me home, for I really +had a ſincere affection for him, the gratulations +of my mind, when I thought +that this ſacrifice was heroic, all tended +to deceive me; but the joy of victory +over the reſigned, pallid look of my +lover, haunted my imagination, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-147_S" id="DPg_4-147_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-147.png">147</a>]</span> +fixed itſelf in the centre of my brain.—Still +I imagined, that his ſpirit was near +me, that he only felt ſorrow for my +loſs, and without complaint reſigned +me to my duty.</p> + +<p>I was left alone a moment; my two +elbows reſted on a table to ſupport my +chin. Ten thouſand thoughts darted +with aſtoniſhing velocity through my +mind. My eyes were dry; I was on the +brink of madneſs. At this moment a +ſtrange aſſociation was made by my +imagination; I thought of Gallileo, who +when he left the inquiſition, looked +upwards, and cried out, "Yet it moves." +A ſhower of tears, like the refreſhing +drops of heaven, relieved my parched +ſockets; they fell diſregarded on the +table; and, ſtamping with my foot, in an +agony I exclaimed, "Yet I love." My +huſband entered before I had calmed<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-148_S" id="DPg_4-148_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-148.png">148</a>]</span> +theſe tumultuous emotions, and tenderly +took my hand. I ſnatched it from +him; grief and ſurpriſe were marked +on his countenance; I haſtily ſtretched +it out again. My heart ſmote me, and I +removed the tranſient miſt by an unfeigned +endeavour to pleaſe him.</p> + +<p>A few months after, my mind grew +calmer; and, if a treacherous imagination, +if feelings many accidents revived, +ſometimes plunged me into melancholy, +I often repeated with ſteady +conviction, that virtue was not an +empty name, and that, in following the +dictates of duty, I had not bidden adieu +to content.</p> + +<p>In the courſe of a few years, the +dear object of my fondeſt affection, +ſaid farewel, in dying accents. Thus +left alone, my grief became dear; and I +did not feel ſolitary, becauſe I thought<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-149_S" id="DPg_4-149_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-149.png">149</a>]</span> +I might, without a crime, indulge a +paſſion, that grew more ardent than ever +when my imagination only preſented +him to my view, and reſtored my former +activity of ſoul which the late +calm had rendered torpid. I ſeemed to +find myſelf again, to find the eccentric +warmth that gave me identity of character. +Reaſon had governed my conduct, +but could not change my nature; +this voluptuous ſorrow was ſuperior to +every gratification of ſenſe, and death +more firmly united our hearts.</p> + +<p>Alive to every human affection, I +ſmoothed my mothers paſſage to eternity, +and ſo often gave my huſband +ſincere proofs of affection, he never +ſuppoſed that I was actuated by a more +fervent attachment. My melancholy, +my uneven ſpirits, he attributed to my +extreme ſenſibility, and loved me the<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-150_S" id="DPg_4-150_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-150.png">150</a>]</span> +better for poſſeſſing qualities he could +not comprehend.</p> + +<p>At the cloſe of a ſummer's day, ſome +years after, I wandered with careleſs +ſteps over a pathleſs common; various +anxieties had rendered the hours which +the ſun had enlightened heavy; ſober +evening came on; I wiſhed to ſtill "my +mind, and woo lone quiet in her ſilent +walk." The ſcene accorded with my +feelings; it was wild and grand; and +the ſpreading twilight had almoſt confounded +the diſtant ſea with the barren, +blue hills that melted from my ſight. +I ſat down on a riſing ground; the rays +of the departing ſun illumined the horizon, +but ſo indiſtinctly, that I anticipated +their total extinction. The +death of Nature led me to a ſtill more +intereſting ſubject, that came home to +my boſom, the death of him I loved.<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-151_S" id="DPg_4-151_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-151.png">151</a>]</span> +A village-bell was tolling; I liſtened, +and thought of the moment when I +heard his interrupted breath, and felt +the agonizing fear, that the ſame ſound +would never more reach my ears, and +that the intelligence glanced from my +eyes, would no more be felt. The +ſpoiler had ſeized his prey; the ſun +was fled, what was this world to me! +I wandered to another, where death +and darkneſs could not enter; I purſued +the ſun beyond the mountains, +and the ſoul eſcaped from this vale of +tears. My reflections were tinged with +melancholy, but they were ſublime.—I +graſped a mighty whole, and ſmiled +on the king of terrors; the tie which +bound me to my friends he could not +break; the ſame myſterious knot united +me to the ſource of all goodneſs and +happineſs. I had ſeen the divinity re<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-152_S" id="DPg_4-152_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-152.png">152</a>]</span>flected +in a face I loved; I had read +immortal characters diſplayed on a +human countenance, and forgot myſelf +whilſt I gazed. I could not think of +immortality, without recollecting the +ecſtacy I felt, when my heart firſt whiſpered +to me that I was beloved; and +again did I feel the ſacred tie of mutual +affection; fervently I prayed to the father +of mercies; and rejoiced that he +could ſee every turn of a heart, whoſe +movements I could not perfectly underſtand. +My paſſion ſeemed a pledge +of immortality; I did not wiſh to hide +it from the all-ſearching eye of heaven. +Where indeed could I go from his preſence? +and, whilſt it was dear to me, +though darkneſs might reign during +the night of life, joy would come when +I awoke to life everlaſting.</p> + +<p>I now turned my ſtep towards home,<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-153_S" id="DPg_4-153_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-153.png">153</a>]</span> +when the appearance of a girl, who +ſtood weeping on the common, attracted +my attention. I accoſted her, +and ſoon heard her ſimple tale; that her +father was gone to ſea, and her mother +ſick in bed. I followed her to their +little dwelling, and relieved the ſick +wretch. I then again ſought my own +abode; but death did not now haunt +my fancy. Contriving to give the poor +creature I had left more effectual relief, +I reached my own garden-gate very +weary, and reſted on it.—Recollecting +the turns of my mind during the walk, +I exclaimed, Surely life may thus be +enlivened by active benevolence, and +the ſleep of death, like that I am now +diſpoſed to fall into, may be ſweet!</p> + +<p>My life was now unmarked by any +extraordinary change, and a few days<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-154_S" id="DPg_4-154_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-154.png">154</a>]</span> +ago I entered this cavern; for through +it every mortal muſt paſs; and here I +have diſcovered, that I neglected many +opportunities of being uſeful, whilſt I +foſtered a devouring flame. Remorſe +has not reached me, becauſe I firmly +adhered to my principles, and I have +alſo diſcovered that I ſaw through a +falſe medium. Worthy as the mortal +was I adored, I ſhould not long have +loved him with the ardour I did, had +fate united us, and broken the deluſion +the imagination ſo artfully wove. His +virtues, as they now do, would have +extorted my eſteem; but he who formed +the human ſoul, only can fill it, and the +chief happineſs of an immortal being +muſt ariſe from the ſame ſource as its +exiſtence. Earthly love leads to heavenly, +and prepares us for a more ex<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-155_S" id="DPg_4-155_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-155.png">155</a>]</span>alted +ſtate; if it does not change its +nature, and deſtroy itſelf, by trampling +on the virtue, that conſtitutes its eſſence, +and allies us to the Deity.</p> + + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-156_S" id="DPg_4-156_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-156.png">156</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-157_S" id="DPg_4-157_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-157.png">157</a>]</span></p> + +<h4><a name="ON_S" id="DON_S"></a>ON</h4> + +<h2>POETRY,</h2> + +<h4>AND</h4> + +<h3>OUR RELISH FOR THE BEAUTIES OF NATURE.</h3> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-158_S" id="DPg_4-158_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-158.png">158</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-159_S" id="DPg_4-159_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-159.png">159</a>]</span></p> + +<h3>ON</h3> + +<h2>POETRY, &c.</h2> +<hr class="short" /> +<p><span class="smcap">A taſte</span> for rural ſcenes, in the +preſent ſtate of ſociety, appears to be +very often an artificial ſentiment, rather +inſpired by poetry and romances, +than a real perception of the beauties +of nature. But, as it is reckoned a +proof of refined taſte to praiſe the calm +pleaſures which the country affords, the +theme is never exhauſted. Yet it may +be made a queſtion, whether this ro<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-160_S" id="DPg_4-160_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-160.png">160</a>]</span>mantic +kind of declamation, has much +effect on the conduct of thoſe, who +leave, for a ſeaſon, the crowded cities +in which they were bred.</p> + +<p>I have been led to theſe reflections, +by obſerving, when I have reſided for +any length of time in the country, how +few people ſeem to contemplate nature +with their own eyes. I have "bruſhed +the dew away" in the morning; but, +pacing over the printleſs graſs, I have +wondered that, in ſuch delightful ſituations, +the ſun was allowed to riſe in +ſolitary majeſty, whilſt my eyes alone +hailed its beautifying beams. The +webs of the evening have ſtill been +ſpread acroſs the hedged path, unleſs +ſome labouring man, trudging to work, +diſturbed the fairy ſtructure; yet, in +ſpite of this ſupineneſs, when I joined<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-161_S" id="DPg_4-161_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-161.png">161</a>]</span> +the ſocial circle, every tongue rang +changes on the pleaſures of the country.</p> + +<p>Having frequently had occaſion to +make the ſame obſervation, I was led to +endeavour, in one of my ſolitary rambles, +to trace the cauſe, and likewiſe +to enquire why the poetry written in +the infancy of ſociety, is moſt natural: +which, ſtrictly ſpeaking (for <i>natural</i> +is a very indefinite expreſſion) is merely +to ſay, that it is the tranſcript of immediate +ſenſations, in all their native +wildneſs and ſimplicity, when fancy, +awakened by the ſight of intereſting +objects, was moſt actively at work. +At ſuch moments, ſenſibility quickly +furniſhes ſimiles, and the ſublimated +ſpirits combine images, which riſing +ſpontaneouſly, it is not neceſſary coldly +to ranſack the underſtanding or memory, +till the laborious efforts of judg<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-162_S" id="DPg_4-162_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-162.png">162</a>]</span>ment +exclude preſent ſenſations, and +damp the fire of enthuſiaſm.</p> + +<p>The effuſions of a vigorous mind, will +ever tell us how far the underſtanding +has been enlarged by thought, and +ſtored with knowledge. The richneſs +of the ſoil even appears on the ſurface; +and the reſult of profound thinking, +often mixing, with playful grace, in the +reveries of the poet, ſmoothly incorporates +with the ebullitions of animal +ſpirits, when the finely faſhioned nerve +vibrates acutely with rapture, or when, +relaxed by ſoft melancholy, a pleaſing +languor prompts the long-drawn ſigh, +and feeds the ſlowly falling tear.</p> + +<p>The poet, the man of ſtrong feelings, +gives us only an image of his mind, +when he was actually alone, converſing +with himſelf, and marking the impreſſion +which nature had made on his<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-163_S" id="DPg_4-163_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-163.png">163</a>]</span> +own heart.—If, at this ſacred moment, +the idea of ſome departed friend, ſome +tender recollection when the ſoul was +moſt alive to tenderneſs, intruded unawares +into his thoughts, the ſorrow +which it produced is artleſſly, yet poetically +expreſſed—and who can avoid +ſympathizing?</p> + +<p>Love to man leads to devotion—grand +and ſublime images ſtrike the +imagination—God is ſeen in every +floating cloud, and comes from the +miſty mountain to receive the nobleſt +homage of an intelligent creature—praiſe. +How ſolemn is the moment, +when all affections and remembrances +fade before the ſublime admiration +which the wiſdom and goodneſs of God +inſpires, when he is worſhipped in a +<i>temple not made with hands</i>, and the +world ſeems to contain only the mind<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-164_S" id="DPg_4-164_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-164.png">164</a>]</span> +that formed, and the mind that contemplates +it! Theſe are not the weak +reſponſes of ceremonial devotion; nor, +to expreſs them, would the poet need +another poet's aid: his heart burns +within him, and he ſpeaks the language +of truth and nature with reſiſtleſs +energy.</p> + +<p>Inequalities, of courſe, are obſervable +in his effuſions; and a leſs vigorous +fancy, with more taſte, would +have produced more elegance and uniformity; +but, as paſſages are ſoftened +or expunged during the cooler moments +of reflection, the underſtanding +is gratified at the expence of thoſe involuntary +ſenſations, which, like the +beauteous tints of an evening ſky, are +ſo evaneſcent, that they melt into new +forms before they can be analyzed. For +however eloquently we may boaſt of<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-165_S" id="DPg_4-165_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-165.png">165</a>]</span> +our reaſon, man muſt often be delighted +he cannot tell why, or his blunt +feelings are not made to reliſh the beauties +which nature, poetry, or any of +the imitative arts, afford.</p> + +<p>The imagery of the ancients ſeems +naturally to have been borrowed from +ſurrounding objects and their mythology. +When a hero is to be tranſported +from one place to another, acroſs +pathleſs waſtes, is any vehicle ſo natural, +as one of the fleecy clouds on which +the poet has often gazed, ſcarcely conſcious +that he wiſhed to make it his +chariot? Again, when nature ſeems +to preſent obſtacles to his progreſs at +almoſt every ſtep, when the tangled +foreſt and ſteep mountain ſtand as barriers, +to paſs over which the mind +longs for ſupernatural aid; an interpoſing +deity, who walks on the waves,<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-166_S" id="DPg_4-166_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-166.png">166</a>]</span> +and rules the ſtorm, ſeverely felt in the +firſt attempts to cultivate a country, +will receive from the impaſſioned fancy +"a local habitation and a name."</p> + +<p>It would be a philoſophical enquiry, +and throw ſome light on the hiſtory of +the human mind, to trace, as far as our +information will allow us to trace, the +ſpontaneous feelings and ideas which +have produced the images that now +frequently appear unnatural, becauſe +they are remote; and diſguſting, becauſe +they have been ſervilely copied +by poets, whoſe habits of thinking, +and views of nature muſt have been +different; for, though the underſtanding +ſeldom diſturbs the current of our preſent +feelings, without diſſipating the +gay clouds which fancy has been embracing, +yet it ſilently gives the colour +to the whole tenour of them, and the<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-167_S" id="DPg_4-167_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-167.png">167</a>]</span> +dream is over, when truth is groſſly +violated, or images introduced, ſelected +from books, and not from local manners +or popular prejudices.</p> + +<p>In a more advanced ſtate of civilization, +a poet is rather the creature of +art, than of nature. The books that he +reads in his youth, become a hot-bed +in which artificial fruits are produced, +beautiful to the common eye, though +they want the true hue and flavour. +His images do not ariſe from ſenſations; +they are copies; and, like the works +of the painters who copy ancient ſtatues +when they draw men and women +of their own times, we acknowledge +that the features are fine, and the proportions +juſt; yet they are men of +ſtone; inſipid figures, that never convey +to the mind the idea of a portrait +taken from life, where the ſoul gives<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-168_S" id="DPg_4-168_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-168.png">168</a>]</span> +ſpirit and homogeneity to the whole. +The ſilken wings of fancy are ſhrivelled +by rules; and a deſire of attaining +elegance of diction, occaſions an attention +to words, incompatible with +ſublime, impaſſioned thoughts.</p> + +<p>A boy of abilities, who has been +taught the ſtructure of verſe at ſchool, +and been rouſed by emulation to compoſe +rhymes whilſt he was reading +works of genius, may, by practice, +produce pretty verſes, and even become +what is often termed an elegant +poet: yet his readers, without knowing +what to find fault with, do not +find themſelves warmly intereſted. In +the works of the poets who faſten on +their affections, they ſee groſſer faults, +and the very images which ſhock their +taſte in the modern; ſtill they do not appear +as puerile or extrinſic in one as the<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-169_S" id="DPg_4-169_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-169.png">169</a>]</span> +other.—Why?—becauſe they did not +appear ſo to the author.</p> + +<p>It may ſound paradoxical, after obſerving +that thoſe productions want +vigour, that are merely the work of +imitation, in which the underſtanding +has violently directed, if not extinguiſhed, +the blaze of fancy, to aſſert, that, +though genius be only another word +for exquiſite ſenſibility, the firſt obſervers +of nature, the true poets, exerciſed +their underſtanding much more +than their imitators. But they exerciſed +it to diſcriminate things, whilſt +their followers were buſy to borrow +ſentiments and arrange words.</p> + +<p>Boys who have received a claſſical +education, load their memory with +words, and the correſpondent ideas +are perhaps never diſtinctly comprehended. +As a proof of this aſſertion,<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-170_S" id="DPg_4-170_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-170.png">170</a>]</span> +I muſt obſerve, that I have known +many young people who could write +tolerably ſmooth verſes, and ſtring epithets +prettily together, when their +proſe themes ſhowed the barrenneſs of +their minds, and how ſuperficial the +cultivation muſt have been, which +their underſtanding had received.</p> + +<p>Dr. Johnſon, I know, has given a definition +of genius, which would overturn +my reaſoning, if I were to admit +it.—He imagines, that <i>a ſtrong mind, +accidentally led to ſome particular ſtudy</i> in +which it excels, is a genius.—Not to +ſtop to inveſtigate the cauſes which +produced this happy <i>ſtrength</i> of mind, +experience ſeems to prove, that thoſe +minds have appeared moſt vigorous, +that have purſued a ſtudy, after nature +had diſcovered a bent; for it would be +abſurd to ſuppoſe, that a ſlight impreſ<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-171_S" id="DPg_4-171_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-171.png">171</a>]</span>ſion +made on the weak faculties of a +boy, is the fiat of fate, and not to be +effaced by any ſucceeding impreſſion, +or unexpected difficulty. Dr. Johnſon +in fact, appears ſometimes to be of the +ſame opinion (how conſiſtently I ſhall +not now enquire), eſpecially when he +obſerves, "that Thomſon looked on +nature with the eye which ſhe only +gives to a poet."</p> + +<p>But, though it ſhould be allowed +that books may produce ſome poets, I +fear they will never be the poets who +charm our cares to ſleep, or extort admiration. +They may diffuſe taſte, and +poliſh the language; but I am inclined +to conclude that they will ſeldom rouſe +the paſſions, or amend the heart.</p> + +<p>And, to return to the firſt ſubject of +diſcuſſion, the reaſon why moſt people +are more intereſted by a ſcene deſcrib<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-172_S" id="DPg_4-172_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-172.png">172</a>]</span>ed +by a poet, than by a view of nature, +probably ariſes from the want of a +lively imagination. The poet contracts +the proſpect, and, ſelecting the moſt +pictureſque part in his <i>camera</i>, the judgment +is directed, and the whole force +of the languid faculty turned towards +the objects which excited the moſt +forcible emotions in the poet's heart; +the reader conſequently feels the enlivened +deſcription, though he was not +able to receive a firſt impreſſion from +the operations of his own mind.</p> + +<p>Beſides, it may be further obſerved, +that groſs minds are only to be moved +by forcible repreſentations. To rouſe +the thoughtleſs, objects muſt be preſented, +calculated to produce tumultuous +emotions; the unſubſtantial, pictureſque +forms which a contemplative +man gazes on, and often follows with<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-173_S" id="DPg_4-173_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-173.png">173</a>]</span> +ardour till he is mocked by a glimpſe +of unattainable excellence, appear to +them the light vapours of a dreaming +enthuſiaſt, who gives up the ſubſtance +for the ſhadow. It is not within that +they ſeek amuſement; their eyes are +ſeldom turned on themſelves; conſequently +their emotions, though ſometimes +fervid, are always tranſient, and +the nicer perceptions which diſtinguiſh +the man of genuine taſte, are not felt, +or make ſuch a ſlight impreſſion as +ſcarcely to excite any pleaſurable ſenſations. +Is it ſurpriſing then that they +are often overlooked, even by thoſe +who are delighted by the ſame images +concentrated by the poet?</p> + +<p>But even this numerous claſs is exceeded, +by witlings, who, anxious +to appear to have wit and taſte, do +not allow their underſtandings or feel<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-174_S" id="DPg_4-174_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-174.png">174</a>]</span>ings +any liberty; for, inſtead of cultivating +their faculties and reflecting on +their operations, they are buſy collecting +prejudices; and are predetermined +to admire what the ſuffrage of time +announces as excellent, not to ſtore up +a fund of amuſement for themſelves, +but to enable them to talk.</p> + +<p>Theſe hints will aſſiſt the reader to +trace ſome of the cauſes why the beauties +of nature are not forcibly felt, +when civilization, or rather luxury, +has made conſiderable advances—thoſe +calm ſenſations are not ſufficiently +lively to ſerve as a relaxation to the voluptuary, +or even to the moderate purſuer +of artificial pleaſures. In the preſent +ſtate of ſociety, the underſtanding +muſt bring back the feelings to nature, +or the ſenſibility muſt have ſuch native +ſtrength, as rather to be whetted than<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-175_S" id="DPg_4-175_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-175.png">175</a>]</span> +deſtroyed by the ſtrong exerciſes of +paſſion.</p> + +<p>That the moſt valuable things are liable +to the greateſt perverſion, is however +as trite as true:—for the ſame ſenſibility, +or quickneſs of ſenſes, which +makes a man reliſh the tranquil ſcenes +of nature, when ſenſation, rather than +reaſon, imparts delight, frequently makes +a libertine of him, by leading him to +prefer the ſenſual tumult of love a +little refined by ſentiment, to the calm +pleaſures of affectionate friendſhip, in +whoſe ſober ſatiſfactions, reaſon, mixing +her tranquillizing convictions, whiſpers, +that content, not happineſs, is the +reward of virtue in this world.</p> + + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-176_S" id="DPg_4-176_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-176.png">176</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-177_S" id="DPg_4-177_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-177.png">177</a>]</span></p> +<h2><a name="HINTS_S" id="DHINTS_S"></a>HINTS.</h2> + +<h3>[<i>Chiefly deſigned to have been incorporated<br /> +in the Second Part of the</i> Vindication<br /> +of the Rights of Woman.]</h3> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-178_S" id="DPg_4-178_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-178.png">178</a>]</span></p> +<p> </p> +<hr /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-179_S" id="DPg_4-179_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-179.png">179</a>]</span></p> + +<h2>HINTS.</h2> + +<hr class="short" /> +<p class="center">1.</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Indolence</span> is the ſource of nervous +complaints, and a whole hoſt of +cares. This devil might ſay that his +name was legion.</p> + +<p class="center">2.</p> +<p>It ſhould be one of the employments +of women of fortune, to viſit hoſpitals, +and ſuperintend the conduct of inferiors.</p> + +<p class="center">3.</p> +<p>It is generally ſuppoſed, that the +imagination of women is particularly<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-180_S" id="DPg_4-180_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-180.png">180</a>]</span> +active, and leads them aſtray. Why +then do we ſeek by education only to +exerciſe their imagination and feeling, +till the underſtanding, grown rigid by +diſuſe, is unable to exerciſe itſelf—and +the ſuperfluous nouriſhment the +imagination and feeling have received, +renders the former romantic, and the +latter weak?</p> + +<p class="center">4.</p> +<p>Few men have riſen to any great +eminence in learning, who have not +received ſomething like a regular education. +Why are women expected to +ſurmount difficulties that men are not +equal to?</p> + +<p class="center">5.</p> +<p>Nothing can be more abſurd than +the ridicule of the critic, that the heroine +of his mock-tragedy was in love +with the very man whom ſhe ought<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-181_S" id="DPg_4-181_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-181.png">181</a>]</span> +leaſt to have loved; he could not have +given a better reaſon. How can paſſion +gain ſtrength any other way? In Otaheite, +love cannot be known, where +the obſtacles to irritate an indiſcriminate +appetite, and ſublimate the ſimple +ſenſations of deſire till they mount to +paſſion, are never known. There a +man or woman cannot love the very +perſon they ought not to have loved—nor +does jealouſy ever fan the flame.</p> + +<p class="center">6.</p> +<p>It has frequently been obſerved, that, +when women have an object in view, +they purſue it with more ſteadineſs than +men, particularly love. This is not +a compliment. Paſſion purſues with +more heat than reaſon, and with moſt +ardour during the abſence of reaſon.</p> + +<p class="center">7.</p> +<p>Men are more ſubject to the phyſical<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-182_S" id="DPg_4-182_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-182.png">182</a>]</span> +love than women. The confined education +of women makes them more +ſubject to jealouſy.</p> + +<p class="center">8.</p> +<p>Simplicity ſeems, in general, the conſequence +of ignorance, as I have obſerved +in the characters of women and +ſailors—the being confined to one track +of impreſſions.</p> + +<p class="center">9.</p> +<p>I know of no other way of preſerving +the chaſtity of mankind, than that +of rendering women rather objects of +love than deſire. The difference is +great. Yet, while women are encouraged +to ornament their perſons at the +expence of their minds, while indolence +renders them helpleſs and laſcivious +(for what other name can be +given to the common intercourſe between +the ſexes?) they will be, gene<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-183_S" id="DPg_4-183_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-183.png">183</a>]</span>rally +ſpeaking, only objects of deſire; +and, to ſuch women, men cannot be +conſtant. Men, accuſtomed only to +have their ſenſes moved, merely ſeek +for a ſelfiſh gratification in the ſociety +of women, and their ſexual inſtinct, +being neither ſupported by the underſtanding +nor the heart, muſt be excited +by variety.</p> + +<p class="center">10.</p> +<p>We ought to reſpect old opinions; +though prejudices, blindly adopted, +lead to error, and preclude all exerciſe +of the reaſon.</p> + +<p>The emulation which often makes a +boy miſchievous, is a generous ſpur; +and the old remark, that unlucky, turbulent +boys, make the wiſeſt and beſt +men, is true, ſpite of Mr. Knox's arguments. +It has been obſerved, that the +moſt adventurous horſes, when tamed<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-184_S" id="DPg_4-184_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-184.png">184</a>]</span> +or domeſticated, are the moſt mild and +tractable.</p> + +<p class="center">11.</p> +<p>The children who ſtart up ſuddenly +at twelve or fourteen, and fall into decays, +in conſequence, as it is termed, +of outgrowing their ſtrength, are in +general, I believe, thoſe children, who +have been bred up with miſtaken tenderneſs, +and not allowed to ſport and +take exerciſe in the open air. This is +analogous to plants: for it is found that +they run up ſickly, long ſtalks, when +confined.</p> + +<p class="center">12.</p> +<p>Children ſhould be taught to feel deference, +not to practiſe ſubmiſſion.</p> + +<p class="center">13.</p> +<p>It is always a proof of falſe refinement, +when a faſtidious taſte overpowers +ſympathy.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-185_S" id="DPg_4-185_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-185.png">185</a>]</span></p> +<p class="center">14.</p> +<p>Luſt appears to be the moſt natural +companion of wild ambition; and love +of human praiſe, of that dominion +erected by cunning.</p> + +<p class="center">15.</p> +<p>"Genius decays as judgment increaſes." +Of courſe, thoſe who have +the leaſt genius, have the earlieſt appearance +of wiſdom.</p> + +<p class="center">16.</p> +<p>A knowledge of the fine arts, is ſeldom +ſubſervient to the promotion of +either religion or virtue. Elegance is +often indecency; witneſs our prints.</p> + +<p class="center">17.</p> +<p>There does not appear to be any evil +in the world, but what is neceſſary. +The doctrine of rewards and puniſhments, +not conſidered as a means of re<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-186_S" id="DPg_4-186_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-186.png">186</a>]</span>formation, +appears to me an infamous +libel on divine goodneſs.</p> + +<p class="center">18.</p> +<p>Whether virtue is founded on reaſon +or revelation, virtue is wiſdom, and +vice is folly. Why are poſitive puniſhments?</p> + +<p class="center">19.</p> +<p>Few can walk alone. The ſtaff of +Chriſtianity is the neceſſary ſupport of +human weakneſs. But an acquaintance +with the nature of man and virtue, +with juſt ſentiments on the attributes, +would be ſufficient, without a voice +from heaven, to lead ſome to virtue, +but not the mob.</p> + +<p class="center">20.</p> +<p>I only expect the natural reward of +virtue, whatever it may be. I rely not +on a poſitive reward.</p> + +<p>The juſtice of God can be vindicated<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-187_S" id="DPg_4-187_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-187.png">187</a>]</span> +by a belief in a future ſtate—but a continuation +of being vindicates it as +clearly, as the poſitive ſyſtem of rewards +and puniſhments—by evil educing +good for the individual, and not +for an imaginary whole. The happineſs +of the whole muſt ariſe from the +happineſs of the conſtituent parts, or +this world is not a ſtate of trial, but a +ſchool.</p> + +<p class="center">21.</p> +<p>The vices acquired by Auguſtus to +retain his power, muſt have tainted his +ſoul, and prevented that increaſe of +happineſs a good man expects in the +next ſtage of exiſtence. This was a +natural puniſhment.</p> + +<p class="center">22.</p> +<p>The lover is ever moſt deeply enamoured, +when it is with he knows +not what—and the devotion of a myſtic<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-188_S" id="DPg_4-188_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-188.png">188</a>]</span> +has a rude Gothic grandeur in it, which +the reſpectful adoration of a philoſopher +will never reach. I may be +thought fanciful; but it has continually +occurred to me, that, though, I allow, +reaſon in this world is the mother +of wiſdom—yet ſome flights of the imagination +ſeem to reach what wiſdom +cannot teach—and, while they delude +us here, afford a glorious hope, if not +a foretaſte, of what we may expect +hereafter. He that created us, did not +mean to mark us with ideal images of +grandeur, the <i>baſeleſs fabric of a viſion</i>—No—that +perfection we follow with +hopeleſs ardour when the whiſperings +of reaſon are heard, may be found, +when not incompatible with our ſtate, +in the round of eternity. Perfection +indeed muſt, even then, be a comparative +idea—but the wiſdom, the hap<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-189_S" id="DPg_4-189_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-189.png">189</a>]</span>pineſs +of a ſuperior ſtate, has been ſuppoſed +to be intuitive, and the happieſt +effuſions of human genius have ſeemed +like inſpiration—the deductions of reaſon +deſtroy ſublimity.</p> + +<p class="center">23.</p> +<p>I am more and more convinced, that +poetry is the firſt efferveſcence of the +imagination, and the forerunner of civilization.</p> + +<p class="center">24.</p> +<p>When the Arabs had no trace of literature +or ſcience, they compoſed +beautiful verſes on the ſubjects of love +and war. The flights of the imagination, +and the laboured deductions of +reaſon, appear almoſt incompatible.</p> + +<p class="center">25.</p> +<p>Poetry certainly flouriſhes moſt in +the firſt rude ſtate of ſociety. The +paſſions ſpeak moſt eloquently, when +they are not ſhackled by reaſon. The<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-190_S" id="DPg_4-190_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-190.png">190</a>]</span> +ſublime expreſſion, which has been ſo +often quoted, [Geneſis, ch. 1, ver. 3.] +is perhaps a barbarous flight; or rather +the grand conception of an uncultivated +mind; for it is contrary to nature +and experience, to ſuppoſe that this +account is founded on facts—It is +doubtleſs a ſublime allegory. But a +cultivated mind would not thus have +deſcribed the creation—for, arguing +from analogy, it appears that creation +muſt have been a comprehenſive plan, +and that the Supreme Being always +uſes ſecond cauſes, ſlowly and ſilently +to fulfil his purpoſe. This is, in reality, +a more ſublime view of that power +which wiſdom ſupports: but it is not +the ſublimity that would ſtrike the impaſſioned +mind, in which the imagination +took place of intellect. Tell a +being, whoſe affections and paſſions +have been more exerciſed than his rea<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-191_S" id="DPg_4-191_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-191.png">191</a>]</span>ſon, +that God ſaid, <i>Let there be light! +and there was light</i>; and he would proſtrate +himſelf before the Being who +could thus call things out of nothing, +as if they were: but a man in whom +reaſon had taken place of paſſion, +would not adore, till wiſdom was conſpicuous +as well as power, for his admiration +muſt be founded on principle.</p> + +<p class="center">26.</p> +<p>Individuality is ever conſpicuous in +thoſe enthuſiaſtic flights of fancy, in +which reaſon is left behind, without +being loſt ſight of.</p> + +<p class="center">27.</p> +<p>The mind has been too often brought +to the teſt of enquiries which only +reach to matter—put into the crucible, +though the magnetic and electric fluid +eſcapes from the experimental philoſopher.</p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-192_S" id="DPg_4-192_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-192.png">192</a>]</span></p> +<p class="center">28.</p> +<p>Mr. Kant has obſerved, that the underſtanding +is ſublime, the imagination +beautiful—yet it is evident, that poets, +and men who undoubtedly poſſeſs the +livelieſt imagination, are moſt touched +by the ſublime, while men who have +cold, enquiring minds, have not this +exquiſite feeling in any great degree, +and indeed ſeem to loſe it as they cultivate +their reaſon.</p> + +<p class="center">29.</p> +<p>The Grecian buildings are graceful—they +fill the mind with all thoſe pleaſing +emotions, which elegance and beauty +never fail to excite in a cultivated +mind—utility and grace ſtrike us in +uniſon—the mind is ſatiſfied—things +appear juſt what they ought to be: a +calm ſatiſfaction is felt, but the imagination +has nothing to do—no obſcurity<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-193_S" id="DPg_4-193_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-193.png">193</a>]</span> +darkens the gloom—like reaſonable +content, we can ſay why we are pleaſed—and +this kind of pleaſure may be +laſting, but it is never great.</p> + +<p class="center">30.</p> +<p>When we ſay that a perſon is an +original, it is only to ſay in other words +that he thinks. "The leſs a man has +cultivated his rational faculties, the +more powerful is the principle of +imitation, over his actions, and his +habits of thinking. Moſt women, +of courſe, are more influenced by +the behaviour, the faſhions, and the +opinions of thoſe with whom they +aſſociate, than men." (Smellie.)</p> + +<p>When we read a book which ſupports +our favourite opinions, how eagerly +do we ſuck in the doctrines, and +ſuffer our minds placidly to reflect the +images which illuſtrate the tenets we<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-194_S" id="DPg_4-194_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-194.png">194</a>]</span> +have embraced? We indolently or +quietly acquieſce in the concluſion, and +our ſpirit animates and connects the +various ſubjects. But, on the contrary, +when we peruſe a ſkilful writer, +who does not coincide in opinion with +us, how is the mind on the watch to +detect fallacy? And this coolneſs often +prevents our being carried away by a +ſtream of eloquence, which the prejudiced +mind terms declamation—a pomp +of words.—We never allow ourſelves to +be warmed; and, after contending +with the writer, are more confirmed +in our own opinion, as much perhaps +from a ſpirit of contradiction as from +reaſon.—Such is the ſtrength of man!</p> + +<p class="center">31.</p> +<p>It is the individual manner of ſeeing +and feeling, pourtrayed by a ſtrong +imagination in bold images that have<span class='pagenum'><a name="DPg_4-195_S" id="DPg_4-195_S"></a>[<a href="images/v4-195.png">195</a>]</span> +ſtruck the ſenſes, which creates all the +charms of poetry. A great reader is +always quoting the deſcription of another's +emotions; a ſtrong imagination +delights to paint its own. A writer of +genius makes us feel; an inferior author +reaſon.</p> + +<p class="center">32.</p> +<p>Some principle prior to ſelf-love muſt +have exiſted: the feeling which produced +the pleaſure, muſt have exiſted +before the experience.</p> + + +<h4>THE END.</h4> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Posthumous Works, by Mary Wollstonecraft + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK POSTHUMOUS WORKS *** + +***** This file should be named 23233-h.htm or 23233-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/3/2/3/23233/ + +Produced by Jonathan Ingram, Online Distributed Proofreading +Team at http://www.pgdp.net and the booksmiths at +http://www.eBookForge.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Posthumous Works + of the Author of A Vindication of the Rights of Woman + +Author: Mary Wollstonecraft + +Editor: William Godwin + +Release Date: October 29, 2007 [EBook #23233] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK POSTHUMOUS WORKS *** + + + + +Produced by Jonathan Ingram, Online Distributed Proofreading +Team at http://www.pgdp.net and the booksmiths at +http://www.eBookForge.net + + + + + + + +POSTHUMOUS WORKS + +OF + +MARY WOLLSTONECRAFT GODWIN. + +VOL. I. + + +POSTHUMOUS WORKS + +OF THE + +AUTHOR + +OF A + +VINDICATION OF THE RIGHTS OF WOMAN. + +IN FOUR VOLUMES. + + * * * * * + +VOL. I. + + * * * * * + +_LONDON:_ + +PRINTED FOR J. JOHNSON, NO. 72, ST. PAUL'S + CHURCH-YARD; AND G. G. AND J. ROBINSON, + PATERNOSTER-ROW. + 1798. + + +THE + +WRONGS OF WOMAN: + +OR, + +MARIA. + +A FRAGMENT. + +IN TWO VOLUMES. + + * * * * * + +VOL. I. + + + + +PREFACE. + + +THE public are here presented with the last literary attempt of an +author, whose fame has been uncommonly extensive, and whose talents have +probably been most admired, by the persons by whom talents are estimated +with the greatest accuracy and discrimination. There are few, to whom her +writings could in any case have given pleasure, that would have wished +that this fragment should have been suppressed, because it is a fragment. +There is a sentiment, very dear to minds of taste and imagination, that +finds a melancholy delight in contemplating these unfinished productions +of genius, these sketches of what, if they had been filled up in a manner +adequate to the writer's conception, would perhaps have given a new +impulse to the manners of a world. + +The purpose and structure of the following work, had long formed a +favourite subject of meditation with its author, and she judged them +capable of producing an important effect. The composition had been in +progress for a period of twelve months. She was anxious to do justice to +her conception, and recommenced and revised the manuscript several +different times. So much of it as is here given to the public, she was +far from considering as finished, and, in a letter to a friend directly +written on this subject, she says, "I am perfectly aware that some of the +incidents ought to be transposed, and heightened by more harmonious +shading; and I wished in some degree to avail myself of criticism, before +I began to adjust my events into a story, the outline of which I had +sketched in my mind[x-A]." The only friends to whom the author +communicated her manuscript, were Mr. Dyson, the translator of the +Sorcerer, and the present editor; and it was impossible for the most +inexperienced author to display a stronger desire of profiting by the +censures and sentiments that might be suggested[x-B]. + +In revising these sheets for the press, it was necessary for the editor, +in some places, to connect the more finished parts with the pages of an +older copy, and a line or two in addition sometimes appeared requisite +for that purpose. Wherever such a liberty has been taken, the additional +phrases will be found inclosed in brackets; it being the editor's most +earnest desire, to intrude nothing of himself into the work, but to give +to the public the words, as well as ideas, of the real author. + +What follows in the ensuing pages, is not a preface regularly drawn out +by the author, but merely hints for a preface, which, though never filled +up in the manner the writer intended, appeared to be worth preserving. + +W. GODWIN. + + + + +AUTHOR'S PREFACE. + + +THE Wrongs of Woman, like the wrongs of the oppressed part of mankind, +may be deemed necessary by their oppressors: but surely there are a few, +who will dare to advance before the improvement of the age, and grant +that my sketches are not the abortion of a distempered fancy, or the +strong delineations of a wounded heart. + +In writing this novel, I have rather endeavoured to pourtray passions +than manners. + +In many instances I could have made the incidents more dramatic, would I +have sacrificed my main object, the desire of exhibiting the misery and +oppression, peculiar to women, that arise out of the partial laws and +customs of society. + +In the invention of the story, this view restrained my fancy; and the +history ought rather to be considered, as of woman, than of an +individual. + +The sentiments I have embodied. + +In many works of this species, the hero is allowed to be mortal, and to +become wise and virtuous as well as happy, by a train of events and +circumstances. The heroines, on the contrary, are to be born immaculate; +and to act like goddesses of wisdom, just come forth highly finished +Minervas from the head of Jove. + + * * * * * + +[The following is an extract of a letter from the author to a friend, to +whom she communicated her manuscript.] + + * * * * * + +For my part, I cannot suppose any situation more distressing, than for a +woman of sensibility, with an improving mind, to be bound to such a man +as I have described for life; obliged to renounce all the humanizing +affections, and to avoid cultivating her taste, lest her perception of +grace and refinement of sentiment, should sharpen to agony the pangs of +disappointment. Love, in which the imagination mingles its bewitching +colouring, must be fostered by delicacy. I should despise, or rather call +her an ordinary woman, who could endure such a husband as I have +sketched. + +These appear to me (matrimonial despotism of heart and conduct) to be the +peculiar Wrongs of Woman, because they degrade the mind. What are termed +great misfortunes, may more forcibly impress the mind of common readers; +they have more of what may justly be termed _stage-effect_; but it is the +delineation of finer sensations, which, in my opinion, constitutes the +merit of our best novels. This is what I have in view; and to show the +wrongs of different classes of women, equally oppressive, though, from +the difference of education, necessarily various. + +FOOTNOTES: + +[x-A] A more copious extract of this letter is subjoined to the author's +preface. + +[x-B] The part communicated consisted of the first fourteen chapters. + + + + +ERRATA. + +Page 3, line 2, _dele_ half. + +P. 81 and 118, _for_ brackets [--], _read_ inverted commas " thus " + + + + +CONTENTS. + +VOL. I. AND II. + +The Wrongs of Woman, or Maria; a Fragment: +to which is added, the First Book +of a Series of Lessons for Children. + +VOL. III. AND IV. + +Letters and Miscellaneous Pieces. + + + + +_WRONGS_ + +OF + +WOMAN. + + + + +CHAP. I. + + +ABODES of horror have frequently been described, and castles, filled with +spectres and chimeras, conjured up by the magic spell of genius to harrow +the soul, and absorb the wondering mind. But, formed of such stuff as +dreams are made of, what were they to the mansion of despair, in one +corner of which Maria sat, endeavouring to recal her scattered thoughts! + +Surprise, astonishment, that bordered on distraction, seemed to have +suspended her faculties, till, waking by degrees to a keen sense of +anguish, a whirlwind of rage and indignation roused her torpid pulse. One +recollection with frightful velocity following another, threatened to +fire her brain, and make her a fit companion for the terrific +inhabitants, whose groans and shrieks were no unsubstantial sounds of +whistling winds, or startled birds, modulated by a romantic fancy, which +amuse while they affright; but such tones of misery as carry a dreadful +certainty directly to the heart. What effect must they then have produced +on one, true to the touch of sympathy, and tortured by maternal +apprehension! + +Her infant's image was continually floating on Maria's sight, and the +first smile of intelligence remembered, as none but a mother, an unhappy +mother, can conceive. She heard her half speaking cooing, and felt the +little twinkling fingers on her burning bosom--a bosom bursting with the +nutriment for which this cherished child might now be pining in vain. +From a stranger she could indeed receive the maternal aliment, Maria was +grieved at the thought--but who would watch her with a mother's +tenderness, a mother's self-denial? + +The retreating shadows of former sorrows rushed back in a gloomy train, +and seemed to be pictured on the walls of her prison, magnified by the +state of mind in which they were viewed--Still she mourned for her child, +lamented she was a daughter, and anticipated the aggravated ills of life +that her sex rendered almost inevitable, even while dreading she was no +more. To think that she was blotted out of existence was agony, when the +imagination had been long employed to expand her faculties; yet to +suppose her turned adrift on an unknown sea, was scarcely less +afflicting. + +After being two days the prey of impetuous, varying emotions, Maria began +to reflect more calmly on her present situation, for she had actually +been rendered incapable of sober reflection, by the discovery of the act +of atrocity of which she was the victim. She could not have imagined, +that, in all the fermentation of civilized depravity, a similar plot +could have entered a human mind. She had been stunned by an unexpected +blow; yet life, however joyless, was not to be indolently resigned, or +misery endured without exertion, and proudly termed patience. She had +hitherto meditated only to point the dart of anguish, and suppressed the +heart heavings of indignant nature merely by the force of contempt. Now +she endeavoured to brace her mind to fortitude, and to ask herself what +was to be her employment in her dreary cell? Was it not to effect her +escape, to fly to the succour of her child, and to baffle the selfish +schemes of her tyrant--her husband? + +These thoughts roused her sleeping spirit, and the self-possession +returned, that seemed to have abandoned her in the infernal solitude into +which she had been precipitated. The first emotions of overwhelming +impatience began to subside, and resentment gave place to tenderness, and +more tranquil meditation; though anger once more stopt the calm current +of reflection, when she attempted to move her manacled arms. But this +was an outrage that could only excite momentary feelings of scorn, which +evaporated in a faint smile; for Maria was far from thinking a personal +insult the most difficult to endure with magnanimous indifference. + +She approached the small grated window of her chamber, and for a +considerable time only regarded the blue expanse; though it commanded a +view of a desolate garden, and of part of a huge pile of buildings, that, +after having been suffered, for half a century, to fall to decay, had +undergone some clumsy repairs, merely to render it habitable. The ivy had +been torn off the turrets, and the stones not wanted to patch up the +breaches of time, and exclude the warring elements, left in heaps in the +disordered court. Maria contemplated this scene she knew not how long; or +rather gazed on the walls, and pondered on her situation. To the master +of this most horrid of prisons, she had, soon after her entrance, raved +of injustice, in accents that would have justified his treatment, had not +a malignant smile, when she appealed to his judgment, with a dreadful +conviction stifled her remonstrating complaints. By force, or openly, +what could be done? But surely some expedient might occur to an active +mind, without any other employment, and possessed of sufficient +resolution to put the risk of life into the balance with the chance of +freedom. + +A woman entered in the midst of these reflections, with a firm, +deliberate step, strongly marked features, and large black eyes, which +she fixed steadily on Maria's, as if she designed to intimidate her, +saying at the same time--"You had better sit down and eat your dinner, +than look at the clouds." + +"I have no appetite," replied Maria, who had previously determined to +speak mildly, "why then should I eat?" + +"But, in spite of that, you must and shall eat something. I have had many +ladies under my care, who have resolved to starve themselves; but, soon +or late, they gave up their intent, as they recovered their senses." + +"Do you really think me mad?" asked Maria, meeting the searching glance +of her eye. + +"Not just now. But what does that prove?--only that you must be the more +carefully watched, for appearing at times so reasonable. You have not +touched a morsel since you entered the house."--Maria sighed +intelligibly.--"Could any thing but madness produce such a disgust for +food?" + +"Yes, grief; you would not ask the question if you knew what it was." The +attendant shook her head; and a ghastly smile of desperate fortitude +served as a forcible reply, and made Maria pause, before she added--"Yet +I will take some refreshment: I mean not to die.--No; I will preserve my +senses; and convince even you, sooner than you are aware of, that my +intellects have never been disturbed, though the exertion of them may +have been suspended by some infernal drug." + +Doubt gathered still thicker on the brow of her guard, as she attempted +to convict her of mistake. + +"Have patience!" exclaimed Maria, with a solemnity that inspired awe. "My +God! how have I been schooled into the practice!" A suffocation of voice +betrayed the agonizing emotions she was labouring to keep down; and +conquering a qualm of disgust, she calmly endeavoured to eat enough to +prove her docility, perpetually turning to the suspicious female, whose +observation she courted, while she was making the bed and adjusting the +room. + +"Come to me often," said Maria, with a tone of persuasion, in consequence +of a vague plan that she had hastily adopted, when, after surveying this +woman's form and features, she felt convinced that she had an +understanding above the common standard; "and believe me mad, till you +are obliged to acknowledge the contrary." The woman was no fool, that is, +she was superior to her class; nor had misery quite petrified the +life's-blood of humanity, to which reflections on our own misfortunes +only give a more orderly course. The manner, rather than the +expostulations, of Maria made a slight suspicion dart into her mind with +corresponding sympathy, which various other avocations, and the habit of +banishing compunction, prevented her, for the present, from examining +more minutely. + +But when she was told that no person, excepting the physician appointed +by her family, was to be permitted to see the lady at the end of the +gallery, she opened her keen eyes still wider, and uttered a--"hem!" +before she enquired--"Why?" She was briefly told, in reply, that the +malady was hereditary, and the fits not occurring but at very long and +irregular intervals, she must be carefully watched; for the length of +these lucid periods only rendered her more mischievous, when any vexation +or caprice brought on the paroxysm of phrensy. + +Had her master trusted her, it is probable that neither pity nor +curiosity would have made her swerve from the straight line of her +interest; for she had suffered too much in her intercourse with mankind, +not to determine to look for support, rather to humouring their passions, +than courting their approbation by the integrity of her conduct. A deadly +blight had met her at the very threshold of existence; and the +wretchedness of her mother seemed a heavy weight fastened on her innocent +neck, to drag her down to perdition. She could not heroically determine +to succour an unfortunate; but, offended at the bare supposition that she +could be deceived with the same ease as a common servant, she no longer +curbed her curiosity; and, though she never seriously fathomed her own +intentions, she would sit, every moment she could steal from observation, +listening to the tale, which Maria was eager to relate with all the +persuasive eloquence of grief. + +It is so cheering to see a human face, even if little of the divinity of +virtue beam in it, that Maria anxiously expected the return of the +attendant, as of a gleam of light to break the gloom of idleness. +Indulged sorrow; she perceived, must blunt or sharpen the faculties to +the two opposite extremes; producing stupidity, the moping melancholy of +indolence; or the restless activity of a disturbed imagination. She sunk +into one state, after being fatigued by the other: till the want of +occupation became even more painful than the actual pressure or +apprehension of sorrow; and the confinement that froze her into a nook of +existence, with an unvaried prospect before her, the most insupportable +of evils. The lamp of life seemed to be spending itself to chase the +vapours of a dungeon which no art could dissipate.--And to what purpose +did she rally all her energy?--Was not the world a vast prison, and women +born slaves? + +Though she failed immediately to rouse a lively sense of injustice in the +mind of her guard, because it had been sophisticated into misanthropy, +she touched her heart. Jemima (she had only a claim to a Christian name, +which had not procured her any Christian privileges) could patiently hear +of Maria's confinement on false pretences; she had felt the crushing hand +of power, hardened by the exercise of injustice, and ceased to wonder at +the perversions of the understanding, which systematize oppression; but, +when told that her child, only four months old, had been torn from her, +even while she was discharging the tenderest maternal office, the woman +awoke in a bosom long estranged from feminine emotions, and Jemima +determined to alleviate all in her power, without hazarding the loss of +her place, the sufferings of a wretched mother, apparently injured, and +certainly unhappy. A sense of right seems to result from the simplest act +of reason, and to preside over the faculties of the mind, like the +master-sense of feeling, to rectify the rest; but (for the comparison may +be carried still farther) how often is the exquisite sensibility of both +weakened or destroyed by the vulgar occupations, and ignoble pleasures of +life? + +The preserving her situation was, indeed, an important object to Jemima, +who had been hunted from hole to hole, as if she had been a beast of +prey, or infected with a moral plague. The wages she received, the +greater part of which she hoarded, as her only chance for independence, +were much more considerable than she could reckon on obtaining any where +else, were it possible that she, an outcast from society, could be +permitted to earn a subsistence in a reputable family. Hearing Maria +perpetually complain of listlessness, and the not being able to beguile +grief by resuming her customary pursuits, she was easily prevailed on, by +compassion, and that involuntary respect for abilities, which those who +possess them can never eradicate, to bring her some books and implements +for writing. Maria's conversation had amused and interested her, and the +natural consequence was a desire, scarcely observed by herself, of +obtaining the esteem of a person she admired. The remembrance of better +days was rendered more lively; and the sentiments then acquired appearing +less romantic than they had for a long period, a spark of hope roused +her mind to new activity. + +How grateful was her attention to Maria! Oppressed by a dead weight of +existence, or preyed on by the gnawing worm of discontent, with what +eagerness did she endeavour to shorten the long days, which left no +traces behind! She seemed to be sailing on the vast ocean of life, +without seeing any land-mark to indicate the progress of time; to find +employment was then to find variety, the animating principle of nature. + + + + +CHAP. II. + + +EARNESTLY as Maria endeavoured to soothe, by reading, the anguish of her +wounded mind, her thoughts would often wander from the subject she was +led to discuss, and tears of maternal tenderness obscured the reasoning +page. She descanted on "the ills which flesh is heir to," with +bitterness, when the recollection of her babe was revived by a tale of +fictitious woe, that bore any resemblance to her own; and her imagination +was continually employed, to conjure up and embody the various phantoms +of misery, which folly and vice had let loose on the world. The loss of +her babe was the tender string; against other cruel remembrances she +laboured to steel her bosom; and even a ray of hope, in the midst of her +gloomy reveries, would sometimes gleam on the dark horizon of futurity, +while persuading herself that she ought to cease to hope, since happiness +was no where to be found.--But of her child, debilitated by the grief +with which its mother had been assailed before it saw the light, she +could not think without an impatient struggle. + +"I, alone, by my active tenderness, could have saved," she would exclaim, +"from an early blight, this sweet blossom; and, cherishing it, I should +have had something still to love." + +In proportion as other expectations were torn from her, this tender one +had been fondly clung to, and knit into her heart. + +The books she had obtained, were soon devoured, by one who had no other +resource to escape from sorrow, and the feverish dreams of ideal +wretchedness or felicity, which equally weaken the intoxicated +sensibility. Writing was then the only alternative, and she wrote some +rhapsodies descriptive of the state of her mind; but the events of her +past life pressing on her, she resolved circumstantially to relate them, +with the sentiments that experience, and more matured reason, would +naturally suggest. They might perhaps instruct her daughter, and shield +her from the misery, the tyranny, her mother knew not how to avoid. + +This thought gave life to her diction, her soul flowed into it, and she +soon found the task of recollecting almost obliterated impressions very +interesting. She lived again in the revived emotions of youth, and +forgot her present in the retrospect of sorrows that had assumed an +unalterable character. + +Though this employment lightened the weight of time, yet, never losing +sight of her main object, Maria did not allow any opportunity to slip of +winning on the affections of Jemima; for she discovered in her a strength +of mind, that excited her esteem, clouded as it was by the misanthropy of +despair. + +An insulated being, from the misfortune of her birth, she despised and +preyed on the society by which she had been oppressed, and loved not her +fellow-creatures, because she had never been beloved. No mother had ever +fondled her, no father or brother had protected her from outrage; and the +man who had plunged her into infamy, and deserted her when she stood in +greatest need of support, deigned not to smooth with kindness the road to +ruin. Thus degraded, was she let loose on the world; and virtue, never +nurtured by affection, assumed the stern aspect of selfish independence. + +This general view of her life, Maria gathered from her exclamations and +dry remarks. Jemima indeed displayed a strange mixture of interest and +suspicion; for she would listen to her with earnestness, and then +suddenly interrupt the conversation, as if afraid of resigning, by giving +way to her sympathy, her dear-bought knowledge of the world. + +Maria alluded to the possibility of an escape, and mentioned a +compensation, or reward; but the style in which she was repulsed made her +cautious, and determine not to renew the subject, till she knew more of +the character she had to work on. Jemima's countenance, and dark hints, +seemed to say, "You are an extraordinary woman; but let me consider, this +may only be one of your lucid intervals." Nay, the very energy of Maria's +character, made her suspect that the extraordinary animation she +perceived might be the effect of madness. "Should her husband then +substantiate his charge, and get possession of her estate, from whence +would come the promised annuity, or more desired protection? Besides, +might not a woman, anxious to escape, conceal some of the circumstances +which made against her? Was truth to be expected from one who had been +entrapped, kidnapped, in the most fraudulent manner?" + +In this train Jemima continued to argue, the moment after compassion and +respect seemed to make her swerve; and she still resolved not to be +wrought on to do more than soften the rigour of confinement, till she +could advance on surer ground. + +Maria was not permitted to walk in the garden; but sometimes, from her +window, she turned her eyes from the gloomy walls, in which she pined +life away, on the poor wretches who strayed along the walks, and +contemplated the most terrific of ruins--that of a human soul. What is +the view of the fallen column, the mouldering arch, of the most exquisite +workmanship, when compared with this living memento of the fragility, the +instability, of reason, and the wild luxuriancy of noxious passions? +Enthusiasm turned adrift, like some rich stream overflowing its banks, +rushes forward with destructive velocity, inspiring a sublime +concentration of thought. Thus thought Maria--These are the ravages over +which humanity must ever mournfully ponder, with a degree of anguish not +excited by crumbling marble, or cankering brass, unfaithful to the trust +of monumental fame. It is not over the decaying productions of the mind, +embodied with the happiest art, we grieve most bitterly. The view of what +has been done by man, produces a melancholy, yet aggrandizing, sense of +what remains to be achieved by human intellect; but a mental convulsion, +which, like the devastation of an earthquake, throws all the elements of +thought and imagination into confusion, makes contemplation giddy, and +we fearfully ask on what ground we ourselves stand. + +Melancholy and imbecility marked the features of the wretches allowed to +breathe at large; for the frantic, those who in a strong imagination had +lost a sense of woe, were closely confined. The playful tricks and +mischievous devices of their disturbed fancy, that suddenly broke out, +could not be guarded against, when they were permitted to enjoy any +portion of freedom; for, so active was their imagination, that every new +object which accidentally struck their senses, awoke to phrenzy their +restless passions; as Maria learned from the burden of their incessant +ravings. + +Sometimes, with a strict injunction of silence, Jemima would allow +Maria, at the close of evening, to stray along the narrow avenues that +separated the dungeon-like apartments, leaning on her arm. What a change +of scene! Maria wished to pass the threshold of her prison, yet, when by +chance she met the eye of rage glaring on her, yet unfaithful to its +office, she shrunk back with more horror and affright, than if she had +stumbled over a mangled corpse. Her busy fancy pictured the misery of a +fond heart, watching over a friend thus estranged, absent, though +present--over a poor wretch lost to reason and the social joys of +existence; and losing all consciousness of misery in its excess. What a +task, to watch the light of reason quivering in the eye, or with +agonizing expectation to catch the beam of recollection; tantalized by +hope, only to feel despair more keenly, at finding a much loved face or +voice, suddenly remembered, or pathetically implored, only to be +immediately forgotten, or viewed with indifference or abhorrence! + +The heart-rending sigh of melancholy sunk into her soul; and when she +retired to rest, the petrified figures she had encountered, the only +human forms she was doomed to observe, haunting her dreams with tales of +mysterious wrongs, made her wish to sleep to dream no more. + +Day after day rolled away, and tedious as the present moment appeared, +they passed in such an unvaried tenor, Maria was surprised to find that +she had already been six weeks buried alive, and yet had such faint hopes +of effecting her enlargement. She was, earnestly as she had sought for +employment, now angry with herself for having been amused by writing her +narrative; and grieved to think that she had for an instant thought of +any thing, but contriving to escape. + +Jemima had evidently pleasure in her society: still, though she often +left her with a glow of kindness, she returned with the same chilling +air; and, when her heart appeared for a moment to open, some suggestion +of reason forcibly closed it, before she could give utterance to the +confidence Maria's conversation inspired. + +Discouraged by these changes, Maria relapsed into despondency, when she +was cheered by the alacrity with which Jemima brought her a fresh parcel +of books; assuring her, that she had taken some pains to obtain them from +one of the keepers, who attended a gentleman confined in the opposite +corner of the gallery. + +Maria took up the books with emotion. "They come," said she, "perhaps, +from a wretch condemned, like me, to reason on the nature of madness, by +having wrecked minds continually under his eye; and almost to wish +himself--as I do--mad, to escape from the contemplation of it." Her heart +throbbed with sympathetic alarm; and she turned over the leaves with awe, +as if they had become sacred from passing through the hands of an +unfortunate being, oppressed by a similar fate. + +Dryden's Fables, Milton's Paradise Lost, with several modern productions, +composed the collection. It was a mine of treasure. Some marginal notes, +in Dryden's Fables, caught her attention: they were written with force +and taste; and, in one of the modern pamphlets, there was a fragment +left, containing various observations on the present state of society and +government, with a comparative view of the politics of Europe and +America. These remarks were written with a degree of generous warmth, +when alluding to the enslaved state of the labouring majority, perfectly +in unison with Maria's mode of thinking. + +She read them over and over again; and fancy, treacherous fancy, began to +sketch a character, congenial with her own, from these shadowy +outlines.--"Was he mad?" She re-perused the marginal notes, and they +seemed the production of an animated, but not of a disturbed imagination. +Confined to this speculation, every time she re-read them, some fresh +refinement of sentiment, or acuteness of thought impressed her, which +she was astonished at herself for not having before observed. + +What a creative power has an affectionate heart! There are beings who +cannot live without loving, as poets love; and who feel the electric +spark of genius, wherever it awakens sentiment or grace. Maria had often +thought, when disciplining her wayward heart, "that to charm, was to be +virtuous." "They who make me wish to appear the most amiable and good in +their eyes, must possess in a degree," she would exclaim, "the graces and +virtues they call into action." + +She took up a book on the powers of the human mind; but, her attention +strayed from cold arguments on the nature of what she felt, while she +was feeling, and she snapt the chain of the theory to read Dryden's +Guiscard and Sigismunda. + +Maria, in the course of the ensuing day, returned some of the books, with +the hope of getting others--and more marginal notes. Thus shut out from +human intercourse, and compelled to view nothing but the prison of vexed +spirits, to meet a wretch in the same situation, was more surely to find +a friend, than to imagine a countryman one, in a strange land, where the +human voice conveys no information to the eager ear. + +"Did you ever see the unfortunate being to whom these books belong?" +asked Maria, when Jemima brought her supper. "Yes. He sometimes walks +out, between five and six, before the family is stirring, in the +morning, with two keepers; but even then his hands are confined." + +"What! is he so unruly?" enquired Maria, with an accent of +disappointment. + +"No, not that I perceive," replied Jemima; "but he has an untamed look, a +vehemence of eye, that excites apprehension. Were his hands free, he +looks as if he could soon manage both his guards: yet he appears +tranquil." + +"If he be so strong, he must be young," observed Maria. + +"Three or four and thirty, I suppose; but there is no judging of a person +in his situation." + +"Are you sure that he is mad?" interrupted Maria with eagerness. Jemima +quitted the room, without replying. + +"No, no, he certainly is not!" exclaimed Maria, answering herself; "the +man who could write those observations was not disordered in his +intellects." + +She sat musing, gazing at the moon, and watching its motion as it seemed +to glide under the clouds. Then, preparing for bed, she thought, "Of what +use could I be to him, or he to me, if it be true that he is unjustly +confined?--Could he aid me to escape, who is himself more closely +watched?--Still I should like to see him." She went to bed, dreamed of +her child, yet woke exactly at half after five o'clock, and starting up, +only wrapped a gown around her, and ran to the window. The morning was +chill, it was the latter end of September; yet she did not retire to warm +herself and think in bed, till the sound of the servants, moving about +the house, convinced her that the unknown would not walk in the garden +that morning. She was ashamed at feeling disappointed; and began to +reflect, as an excuse to herself, on the little objects which attract +attention when there is nothing to divert the mind; and how difficult it +was for women to avoid growing romantic, who have no active duties or +pursuits. + +At breakfast, Jemima enquired whether she understood French? for, unless +she did, the stranger's stock of books was exhausted. Maria replied in +the affirmative; but forbore to ask any more questions respecting the +person to whom they belonged. And Jemima gave her a new subject for +contemplation, by describing the person of a lovely maniac, just brought +into an adjoining chamber. She was singing the pathetic ballad of old Rob + with the most heart-melting falls and pauses. Jemima had +half-opened the door, when she distinguished her voice, and Maria stood +close to it, scarcely daring to respire, lest a modulation should escape +her, so exquisitely sweet, so passionately wild. She began with sympathy +to pourtray to herself another victim, when the lovely warbler flew, as +it were, from the spray, and a torrent of unconnected exclamations and +questions burst from her, interrupted by fits of laughter, so horrid, +that Maria shut the door, and, turning her eyes up to heaven, +exclaimed--"Gracious God!" + +Several minutes elapsed before Maria could enquire respecting the rumour +of the house (for this poor wretch was obviously not confined without a +cause); and then Jemima could only tell her, that it was said, "she had +been married, against her inclination, to a rich old man, extremely +jealous (no wonder, for she was a charming creature); and that, in +consequence of his treatment, or something which hung on her mind, she +had, during her first lying-in, lost her senses." + +What a subject of meditation--even to the very confines of madness. + +"Woman, fragile flower! why were you suffered to adorn a world exposed to +the inroad of such stormy elements?" thought Maria, while the poor +maniac's strain was still breathing on her ear, and sinking into her very +soul. + +Towards the evening, Jemima brought her Rousseau's _Heloise_; and she sat +reading with eyes and heart, till the return of her guard to extinguish +the light. One instance of her kindness was, the permitting Maria to have +one, till her own hour of retiring to rest. She had read this work long +since; but now it seemed to open a new world to her--the only one worth +inhabiting. Sleep was not to be wooed; yet, far from being fatigued by +the restless rotation of thought, she rose and opened her window, just as +the thin watery clouds of twilight made the long silent shadows visible. +The air swept across her face with a voluptuous freshness that thrilled +to her heart, awakening indefinable emotions; and the sound of a waving +branch, or the twittering of a startled bird, alone broke the stillness +of reposing nature. Absorbed by the sublime sensibility which renders the +consciousness of existence felicity, Maria was happy, till an autumnal +scent, wafted by the breeze of morn from the fallen leaves of the +adjacent wood, made her recollect that the season had changed since her +confinement; yet life afforded no variety to solace an afflicted heart. +She returned dispirited to her couch, and thought of her child till the +broad glare of day again invited her to the window. She looked not for +the unknown, still how great was her vexation at perceiving the back of a +man, certainly he, with his two attendants, as he turned into a side-path +which led to the house! A confused recollection of having seen somebody +who resembled him, immediately occurred, to puzzle and torment her with +endless conjectures. Five minutes sooner, and she should have seen his +face, and been out of suspense--was ever any thing so unlucky! His +steady, bold step, and the whole air of his person, bursting as it were +from a cloud, pleased her, and gave an outline to the imagination to +sketch the individual form she wished to recognize. + +Feeling the disappointment more severely than she was willing to believe, +she flew to Rousseau, as her only refuge from the idea of him, who might +prove a friend, could she but find a way to interest him in her fate; +still the personification of Saint Preux, or of an ideal lover far +superior, was after this imperfect model, of which merely a glance had +been caught, even to the minutiae of the coat and hat of the stranger. +But if she lent St. Preux, or the demi-god of her fancy, his form, she +richly repaid him by the donation of all St. Preux's sentiments and +feelings, culled to gratify her own, to which he seemed to have an +undoubted right, when she read on the margin of an impassioned letter, +written in the well-known hand--"Rousseau alone, the true Prometheus of +sentiment, possessed the fire of genius necessary to pourtray the +passion, the truth of which goes so directly to the heart." + +Maria was again true to the hour, yet had finished Rousseau, and begun to +transcribe some selected passages; unable to quit either the author or +the window, before she had a glimpse of the countenance she daily longed +to see; and, when seen, it conveyed no distinct idea to her mind where +she had seen it before. He must have been a transient acquaintance; but +to discover an acquaintance was fortunate, could she contrive to attract +his attention, and excite his sympathy. + +Every glance afforded colouring for the picture she was delineating on +her heart; and once, when the window was half open, the sound of his +voice reached her. Conviction flashed on her; she had certainly, in a +moment of distress, heard the same accents. They were manly, and +characteristic of a noble mind; nay, even sweet--or sweet they seemed to +her attentive ear. + +She started back, trembling, alarmed at the emotion a strange coincidence +of circumstances inspired, and wondering why she thought so much of a +stranger, obliged as she had been by his timely interference; [for she +recollected, by degrees, all the circumstances of their former meeting.] +She found however that she could think of nothing else; or, if she +thought of her daughter, it was to wish that she had a father whom her +mother could respect and love. + + + + +CHAP. III. + + +WHEN perusing the first parcel of books, Maria had, with her pencil, +written in one of them a few exclamations, expressive of compassion and +sympathy, which she scarcely remembered, till turning over the leaves of +one of the volumes, lately brought to her, a slip of paper dropped out, +which Jemima hastily snatched up. + +"Let me see it," demanded Maria impatiently, "You surely are not afraid +of trusting me with the effusions of a madman?" "I must consider," +replied Jemima; and withdrew, with the paper in her hand. + +In a life of such seclusion, the passions gain undue force; Maria +therefore felt a great degree of resentment and vexation, which she had +not time to subdue, before Jemima, returning, delivered the paper. + + "Whoever you are, who partake of my fate, accept my sincere + commiseration--I would have said protection; but the privilege of + man is denied me. + + "My own situation forces a dreadful suspicion on my mind--I may + not always languish in vain for freedom--say are you--I cannot + ask the question; yet I will remember you when my remembrance can + be of any use. I will enquire, _why_ you are so mysteriously + detained--and I _will_ have an answer. + + "HENRY DARNFORD." + +By the most pressing intreaties, Maria prevailed on Jemima to permit her +to write a reply to this note. Another and another succeeded, in which +explanations were not allowed relative to their present situation; but +Maria, with sufficient explicitness, alluded to a former obligation; and +they insensibly entered on an interchange of sentiments on the most +important subjects. To write these letters was the business of the day, +and to receive them the moment of sunshine. By some means, Darnford +having discovered Maria's window, when she next appeared at it, he made +her, behind his keepers, a profound bow of respect and recognition. + +Two or three weeks glided away in this kind of intercourse, during which +period Jemima, to whom Maria had given the necessary information +respecting her family, had evidently gained some intelligence, which +increased her desire of pleasing her charge, though she could not yet +determine to liberate her. Maria took advantage of this favourable +charge, without too minutely enquiring into the cause; and such was her +eagerness to hold human converse, and to see her former protector, still +a stranger to her, that she incessantly requested her guard to gratify +her more than curiosity. + +Writing to Darnford, she was led from the sad objects before her, and +frequently rendered insensible to the horrid noises around her, which +previously had continually employed her feverish fancy. Thinking it +selfish to dwell on her own sufferings, when in the midst of wretches, +who had not only lost all that endears life, but their very selves, her +imagination was occupied with melancholy earnestness to trace the mazes +of misery, through which so many wretches must have passed to this gloomy +receptacle of disjointed souls, to the grand source of human corruption. +Often at midnight was she waked by the dismal shrieks of demoniac rage, +or of excruciating despair, uttered in such wild tones of indescribable +anguish as proved the total absence of reason, and roused phantoms of +horror in her mind, far more terrific than all that dreaming superstition +ever drew. Besides, there was frequently something so inconceivably +picturesque in the varying gestures of unrestrained passion, so +irresistibly comic in their sallies, or so heart-piercingly pathetic in +the little airs they would sing, frequently bursting out after an awful +silence, as to fascinate the attention, and amuse the fancy, while +torturing the soul. It was the uproar of the passions which she was +compelled to observe; and to mark the lucid beam of reason, like a light +trembling in a socket, or like the flash which divides the threatening +clouds of angry heaven only to display the horrors which darkness +shrouded. + +Jemima would labour to beguile the tedious evenings, by describing the +persons and manners of the unfortunate beings, whose figures or voices +awoke sympathetic sorrow in Maria's bosom; and the stories she told were +the more interesting, for perpetually leaving room to conjecture +something extraordinary. Still Maria, accustomed to generalize her +observations, was led to conclude from all she heard, that it was a +vulgar error to suppose that people of abilities were the most apt to +lose the command of reason. On the contrary, from most of the instances +she could investigate, she thought it resulted, that the passions only +appeared strong and disproportioned, because the judgment was weak and +unexercised; and that they gained strength by the decay of reason, as the +shadows lengthen during the sun's decline. + +Maria impatiently wished to see her fellow-sufferer; but Darnford was +still more earnest to obtain an interview. Accustomed to submit to every +impulse of passion, and never taught, like women, to restrain the most +natural, and acquire, instead of the bewitching frankness of nature, a +factitious propriety of behaviour, every desire became a torrent that +bore down all opposition. + +His travelling trunk, which contained the books lent to Maria, had been +sent to him, and with a part of its contents he bribed his principal +keeper; who, after receiving the most solemn promise that he would return +to his apartment without attempting to explore any part of the house, +conducted him, in the dusk of the evening, to Maria's room. + +Jemima had apprized her charge of the visit, and she expected with +trembling impatience, inspired by a vague hope that he might again prove +her deliverer, to see a man who had before rescued her from oppression. +He entered with an animation of countenance, formed to captivate an +enthusiast; and, hastily turned his eyes from her to the apartment, which +he surveyed with apparent emotions of compassionate indignation. +Sympathy illuminated his eye, and, taking her hand, he respectfully bowed +on it, exclaiming--"This is extraordinary!--again to meet you, and in +such circumstances!" Still, impressive as was the coincidence of events +which brought them once more together, their full hearts did not +overflow.--[54-A] + + * * * * * + +[And though, after this first visit, they were permitted frequently to +repeat their interviews, they were for some time employed in] a reserved +conversation, to which all the world might have listened; excepting, +when discussing some literary subject, flashes of sentiment, inforced by +each relaxing feature, seemed to remind them that their minds were +already acquainted. + +[By degrees, Darnford entered into the particulars of his story.] In a +few words, he informed her that he had been a thoughtless, extravagant +young man; yet, as he described his faults, they appeared to be the +generous luxuriancy of a noble mind. Nothing like meanness tarnished the +lustre of his youth, nor had the worm of selfishness lurked in the +unfolding bud, even while he had been the dupe of others. Yet he tardily +acquired the experience necessary to guard him against future imposition. + +"I shall weary you," continued he, "by my egotism; and did not powerful +emotions draw me to you,"--his eyes glistened as he spoke, and a +trembling seemed to run through his manly frame,--"I would not waste +these precious moments in talking of myself. + +"My father and mother were people of fashion; married by their parents. +He was fond of the turf, she of the card-table. I, and two or three other +children since dead, were kept at home till we became intolerable. My +father and mother had a visible dislike to each other, continually +displayed; the servants were of the depraved kind usually found in the +houses of people of fortune. My brothers and parents all dying, I was +left to the care of guardians, and sent to Eton. I never knew the sweets +of domestic affection, but I felt the want of indulgence and frivolous +respect at school. I will not disgust you with a recital of the vices of +my youth, which can scarcely be comprehended by female delicacy. I was +taught to love by a creature I am ashamed to mention; and the other women +with whom I afterwards became intimate, were of a class of which you can +have no knowledge. I formed my acquaintance with them at the theatres; +and, when vivacity danced in their eyes, I was not easily disgusted by +the vulgarity which flowed from their lips. Having spent, a few years +after I was of age, [the whole of] a considerable patrimony, excepting a +few hundreds, I had no recourse but to purchase a commission in a +new-raised regiment, destined to subjugate America. The regret I felt to +renounce a life of pleasure, was counter-balanced by the curiosity I had +to see America, or rather to travel; [nor had any of those circumstances +occurred to my youth, which might have been calculated] to bind my +country to my heart. I shall not trouble you with the details of a +military life. My blood was still kept in motion; till, towards the close +of the contest, I was wounded and taken prisoner. + +"Confined to my bed, or chair, by a lingering cure, my only refuge from +the preying activity of my mind, was books, which I read with great +avidity, profiting by the conversation of my host, a man of sound +understanding. My political sentiments now underwent a total change; and, +dazzled by the hospitality of the Americans, I determined to take up my +abode with freedom. I, therefore, with my usual impetuosity, sold my +commission, and travelled into the interior parts of the country, to lay +out my money to advantage. Added to this, I did not much like the +puritanical manners of the large towns. Inequality of condition was there +most disgustingly galling. The only pleasure wealth afforded, was to make +an ostentatious display of it; for the cultivation of the fine arts, or +literature, had not introduced into the first circles that polish of +manners which renders the rich so essentially superior to the poor in +Europe. Added to this, an influx of vices had been let in by the +Revolution, and the most rigid principles of religion shaken to the +centre, before the understanding could be gradually emancipated from the +prejudices which led their ancestors undauntedly to seek an inhospitable +clime and unbroken soil. The resolution, that led them, in pursuit of +independence, to embark on rivers like seas, to search for unknown +shores, and to sleep under the hovering mists of endless forests, whose +baleful damps agued their limbs, was now turned into commercial +speculations, till the national character exhibited a phenomenon in the +history of the human mind--a head enthusiastically enterprising, with +cold selfishness of heart. And woman, lovely woman!--they charm every +where--still there is a degree of prudery, and a want of taste and ease +in the manners of the American women, that renders them, in spite of +their roses and lilies, far inferior to our European charmers. In the +country, they have often a bewitching simplicity of character; but, in +the cities, they have all the airs and ignorance of the ladies who give +the tone to the circles of the large trading towns in England. They are +fond of their ornaments, merely because they are good, and not because +they embellish their persons; and are more gratified to inspire the women +with jealousy of these exterior advantages, than the men with love. All +the frivolity which often (excuse me, Madam) renders the society of +modest women so stupid in England, here seemed to throw still more leaden +fetters on their charms. Not being an adept in gallantry, I found that I +could only keep myself awake in their company by making downright love to +them. + +"But, not to intrude on your patience, I retired to the track of land +which I had purchased in the country, and my time passed pleasantly +enough while I cut down the trees, built my house, and planted my +different crops. But winter and idleness came, and I longed for more +elegant society, to hear what was passing in the world, and to do +something better than vegetate with the animals that made a very +considerable part of my household. Consequently, I determined to travel. +Motion was a substitute for variety of objects; and, passing over immense +tracks of country, I exhausted my exuberant spirits, without obtaining +much experience. I every where saw industry the fore-runner and not the +consequence, of luxury; but this country, every thing being on an ample +scale, did not afford those picturesque views, which a certain degree of +cultivation is necessary gradually to produce. The eye wandered without +an object to fix upon over immeasureable plains, and lakes that seemed +replenished by the ocean, whilst eternal forests of small clustering +trees, obstructed the circulation of air, and embarrassed the path, +without gratifying the eye of taste. No cottage smiling in the waste, no +travellers hailed us, to give life to silent nature; or, if perchance we +saw the print of a footstep in our path, it was a dreadful warning to +turn aside; and the head ached as if assailed by the scalping knife. The +Indians who hovered on the skirts of the European settlements had only +learned of their neighbours to plunder, and they stole their guns from +them to do it with more safety. + +"From the woods and back settlements, I returned to the towns, and +learned to eat and drink most valiantly; but without entering into +commerce (and I detested commerce) I found I could not live there; and, +growing heartily weary of the land of liberty and vulgar aristocracy, +seated on her bags of dollars, I resolved once more to visit Europe. I +wrote to a distant relation in England, with whom I had been educated, +mentioning the vessel in which I intended to sail. Arriving in London, my +senses were intoxicated. I ran from street to street, from theatre to +theatre, and the women of the town (again I must beg pardon for my +habitual frankness) appeared to me like angels. + +"A week was spent in this thoughtless manner, when, returning very late +to the hotel in which I had lodged ever since my arrival, I was knocked +down in a private street, and hurried, in a state of insensibility, into +a coach, which brought me hither, and I only recovered my senses to be +treated like one who had lost them. My keepers are deaf to my +remonstrances and enquiries, yet assure me that my confinement shall not +last long. Still I cannot guess, though I weary myself with conjectures, +why I am confined, or in what part of England this house is situated. I +imagine sometimes that I hear the sea roar, and wished myself again on +the Atlantic, till I had a glimpse of you[65-A]." + +A few moments were only allowed to Maria to comment on this narrative, +when Darnford left her to her own thoughts, to the "never ending, still +beginning," task of weighing his words, recollecting his tones of voice, +and feeling them reverberate on her heart. + +FOOTNOTES: + +[54-A] The copy which had received the author's last corrections, breaks +off in this place, and the pages which follow, to the end of Chap. IV, +are printed from a copy in a less finished state. + +[65-A] The introduction of Darnford as the deliverer of Maria in a former +instance, appears to have been an after-thought of the author. This has +occasioned the omission of any allusion to that circumstance in the +preceding narration. + +EDITOR. + + + + +CHAP. IV. + + +PITY, and the forlorn seriousness of adversity, have both been considered +as dispositions favourable to love, while satirical writers have +attributed the propensity to the relaxing effect of idleness, what chance +then had Maria of escaping, when pity, sorrow, and solitude all conspired +to soften her mind, and nourish romantic wishes, and, from a natural +progress, romantic expectations? + +Maria was six-and-twenty. But, such was the native soundness of her +constitution, that time had only given to her countenance the character +of her mind. Revolving thought, and exercised affections had banished +some of the playful graces of innocence, producing insensibly that +irregularity of features which the struggles of the understanding to +trace or govern the strong emotions of the heart, are wont to imprint on +the yielding mass. Grief and care had mellowed, without obscuring, the +bright tints of youth, and the thoughtfulness which resided on her brow +did not take from the feminine softness of her features; nay, such was +the sensibility which often mantled over it, that she frequently +appeared, like a large proportion of her sex, only born to feel; and the +activity of her well-proportioned, and even almost voluptuous figure, +inspired the idea of strength of mind, rather than of body. There was a +simplicity sometimes indeed in her manner, which bordered on infantine +ingenuousness, that led people of common discernment to underrate her +talents, and smile at the flights of her imagination. But those who could +not comprehend the delicacy of her sentiments, were attached by her +unfailing sympathy, so that she was very generally beloved by characters +of very different descriptions; still, she was too much under the +influence of an ardent imagination to adhere to common rules. + +There are mistakes of conduct which at five-and-twenty prove the strength +of the mind, that, ten or fifteen years after, would demonstrate its +weakness, its incapacity to acquire a sane judgment. The youths who are +satisfied with the ordinary pleasures of life, and do not sigh after +ideal phantoms of love and friendship, will never arrive at great +maturity of understanding; but if these reveries are cherished, as is too +frequently the case with women, when experience ought to have taught +them in what human happiness consists, they become as useless as they are +wretched. Besides, their pains and pleasures are so dependent on outward +circumstances, on the objects of their affections, that they seldom act +from the impulse of a nerved mind, able to choose its own pursuit. + +Having had to struggle incessantly with the vices of mankind, Maria's +imagination found repose in pourtraying the possible virtues the world +might contain. Pygmalion formed an ivory maid, and longed for an +informing soul. She, on the contrary, combined all the qualities of a +hero's mind, and fate presented a statue in which she might enshrine +them. + +We mean not to trace the progress of this passion, or recount how often +Darnford and Maria were obliged to part in the midst of an interesting +conversation. Jemima ever watched on the tip-toe of fear, and frequently +separated them on a false alarm, when they would have given worlds to +remain a little longer together. + +A magic lamp now seemed to be suspended in Maria's prison, and fairy +landscapes flitted round the gloomy walls, late so blank. Rushing from +the depth of despair, on the seraph wing of hope, she found herself +happy.--She was beloved, and every emotion was rapturous. + +To Darnford she had not shown a decided affection; the fear of outrunning +his, a sure proof of love, made her often assume a coldness and +indifference foreign from her character; and, even when giving way to the +playful emotions of a heart just loosened from the frozen bond of grief, +there was a delicacy in her manner of expressing her sensibility, which +made him doubt whether it was the effect of love. + +One evening, when Jemima left them, to listen to the sound of a distant +footstep, which seemed cautiously to approach, he seized Maria's hand--it +was not withdrawn. They conversed with earnestness of their situation; +and, during the conversation, he once or twice gently drew her towards +him. He felt the fragrance of her breath, and longed, yet feared, to +touch the lips from which it issued; spirits of purity seemed to guard +them, while all the enchanting graces of love sported on her cheeks, and +languished in her eyes. + +Jemima entering, he reflected on his diffidence with poignant regret, +and, she once more taking alarm, he ventured, as Maria stood near his +chair, to approach her lips with a declaration of love. She drew back +with solemnity, he hung down his head abashed; but lifting his eyes +timidly, they met her's; she had determined, during that instant, and +suffered their rays to mingle. He took, with more ardour, reassured, a +half-consenting, half-reluctant kiss, reluctant only from modesty; and +there was a sacredness in her dignified manner of reclining her glowing +face on his shoulder, that powerfully impressed him. Desire was lost in +more ineffable emotions, and to protect her from insult and sorrow--to +make her happy, seemed not only the first wish of his heart, but the most +noble duty of his life. Such angelic confidence demanded the fidelity of +honour; but could he, feeling her in every pulsation, could he ever +change, could he be a villain? The emotion with which she, for a moment, +allowed herself to be pressed to his bosom, the tear of rapturous +sympathy, mingled with a soft melancholy sentiment of recollected +disappointment, said--more of truth and faithfulness, than the tongue +could have given utterance to in hours! They were silent--yet discoursed, +how eloquently? till, after a moment's reflection, Maria drew her chair +by the side of his, and, with a composed sweetness of voice, and +supernatural benignity of countenance, said, "I must open my whole heart +to you; you must be told who I am, why I am here, and why, telling you I +am a wife, I blush not to"--the blush spoke the rest. + +Jemima was again at her elbow, and the restraint of her presence did not +prevent an animated conversation, in which love, sly urchin, was ever at +bo-peep. + +So much of heaven did they enjoy, that paradise bloomed around them; or +they, by a powerful spell, had been transported into Armida's garden. +Love, the grand enchanter, "lapt them in Elysium," and every sense was +harmonized to joy and social extacy. So animated, indeed, were their +accents of tenderness, in discussing what, in other circumstances, would +have been common-place subjects, that Jemima felt, with surprise, a tear +of pleasure trickling down her rugged cheeks. She wiped it away, half +ashamed; and when Maria kindly enquired the cause, with all the eager +solicitude of a happy being wishing to impart to all nature its +overflowing felicity, Jemima owned that it was the first tear that social +enjoyment had ever drawn from her. She seemed indeed to breathe more +freely; the cloud of suspicion cleared away from her brow; she felt +herself, for once in her life, treated like a fellow-creature. + +Imagination! who can paint thy power; or reflect the evanescent tints of +hope fostered by thee? A despondent gloom had long obscured Maria's +horizon--now the sun broke forth, the rainbow appeared, and every +prospect was fair. Horror still reigned in the darkened cells, suspicion +lurked in the passages, and whispered along the walls. The yells of men +possessed, sometimes made them pause, and wonder that they felt so happy, +in a tomb of living death. They even chid themselves for such apparent +insensibility; still the world contained not three happier beings. And +Jemima, after again patrolling the passage, was so softened by the air of +confidence which breathed around her, that she voluntarily began an +account of herself. + + + + +CHAP. V. + + +"MY father," said Jemima, "seduced my mother, a pretty girl, with whom he +lived fellow-servant; and she no sooner perceived the natural, the +dreaded consequence, than the terrible conviction flashed on her--that +she was ruined. Honesty, and a regard for her reputation, had been the +only principles inculcated by her mother; and they had been so forcibly +impressed, that she feared shame, more than the poverty to which it would +lead. Her incessant importunities to prevail upon my father to screen her +from reproach by marrying her, as he had promised in the fervour of +seduction, estranged him from her so completely, that her very person +became distasteful to him; and he began to hate, as well as despise me, +before I was born. + +"My mother, grieved to the soul by his neglect, and unkind treatment, +actually resolved to famish herself; and injured her health by the +attempt; though she had not sufficient resolution to adhere to her +project, or renounce it entirely. Death came not at her call; yet sorrow, +and the methods she adopted to conceal her condition, still doing the +work of a house-maid, had such an effect on her constitution, that she +died in the wretched garret, where her virtuous mistress had forced her +to take refuge in the very pangs of labour, though my father, after a +slight reproof, was allowed to remain in his place--allowed by the mother +of six children, who, scarcely permitting a footstep to be heard, during +her month's indulgence, felt no sympathy for the poor wretch, denied +every comfort required by her situation. + +"The day my mother died, the ninth after my birth, I was consigned to the +care of the cheapest nurse my father could find; who suckled her own +child at the same time, and lodged as many more as she could get, in two +cellar-like apartments. + +"Poverty, and the habit of seeing children die off her hands, had so +hardened her heart, that the office of a mother did not awaken the +tenderness of a woman; nor were the feminine caresses which seem a part +of the rearing of a child, ever bestowed on me. The chicken has a wing to +shelter under; but I had no bosom to nestle in, no kindred warmth to +foster me. Left in dirt, to cry with cold and hunger till I was weary, +and sleep without ever being prepared by exercise, or lulled by kindness +to rest; could I be expected to become any thing but a weak and rickety +babe? Still, in spite of neglect, I continued to exist, to learn to curse +existence," her countenance grew ferocious as she spoke, "and the +treatment that rendered me miserable, seemed to sharpen my wits. Confined +then in a damp hovel, to rock the cradle of the succeeding tribe, I +looked like a little old woman, or a hag shrivelling into nothing. The +furrows of reflection and care contracted the youthful cheek, and gave a +sort of supernatural wildness to the ever watchful eye. During this +period, my father had married another fellow-servant, who loved him less, +and knew better how to manage his passion, than my mother. She likewise +proving with child, they agreed to keep a shop: my step-mother, if, being +an illegitimate offspring, I may venture thus to characterize her, having +obtained a sum of a rich relation, for that purpose. + +"Soon after her lying-in, she prevailed on my father to take me home, to +save the expence of maintaining me, and of hiring a girl to assist her in +the care of the child. I was young, it was true, but appeared a knowing +little thing, and might be made handy. Accordingly I was brought to her +house; but not to a home--for a home I never knew. Of this child, a +daughter, she was extravagantly fond; and it was a part of my employment, +to assist to spoil her, by humouring all her whims, and bearing all her +caprices. Feeling her own consequence, before she could speak, she had +learned the art of tormenting me, and if I ever dared to resist, I +received blows, laid on with no compunctious hand, or was sent to bed +dinnerless, as well as supperless. I said that it was a part of my daily +labour to attend this child, with the servility of a slave; still it was +but a part. I was sent out in all seasons, and from place to place, to +carry burdens far above my strength, without being allowed to draw near +the fire, or ever being cheered by encouragement or kindness. No wonder +then, treated like a creature of another species, that I began to envy, +and at length to hate, the darling of the house. Yet, I perfectly +remember, that it was the caresses, and kind expressions of my +step-mother, which first excited my jealous discontent. Once, I cannot +forget it, when she was calling in vain her wayward child to kiss her, I +ran to her, saying, 'I will kiss you, ma'am!' and how did my heart, which +was in my mouth, sink, what was my debasement of soul, when pushed away +with--'I do not want you, pert thing!' Another day, when a new gown had +excited the highest good humour, and she uttered the appropriate _dear_, +addressed unexpectedly to me, I thought I could never do enough to please +her; I was all alacrity, and rose proportionably in my own estimation. + +"As her daughter grew up, she was pampered with cakes and fruit, while I +was, literally speaking, fed with the refuse of the table, with her +leavings. A liquorish tooth is, I believe, common to children, and I used +to steal any thing sweet, that I could catch up with a chance of +concealment. When detected, she was not content to chastize me herself at +the moment, but, on my father's return in the evening (he was a shopman), +the principal discourse was to recount my faults, and attribute them to +the wicked disposition which I had brought into the world with me, +inherited from my mother. He did not fail to leave the marks of his +resentment on my body, and then solaced himself by playing with my +sister.--I could have murdered her at those moments. To save myself from +these unmerciful corrections, I resorted to falshood, and the untruths +which I sturdily maintained, were brought in judgment against me, to +support my tyrant's inhuman charge of my natural propensity to vice. +Seeing me treated with contempt, and always being fed and dressed +better, my sister conceived a contemptuous opinion of me, that proved an +obstacle to all affection; and my father, hearing continually of my +faults, began to consider me as a curse entailed on him for his sins: he +was therefore easily prevailed on to bind me apprentice to one of my +step-mother's friends, who kept a slop-shop in Wapping. I was represented +(as it was said) in my true colours; but she, 'warranted,' snapping her +fingers, 'that she should break my spirit or heart.' + +"My mother replied, with a whine, 'that if any body could make me better, +it was such a clever woman as herself; though, for her own part, she had +tried in vain; but good-nature was her fault.' + +"I shudder with horror, when I recollect the treatment I had now to +endure. Not only under the lash of my task-mistress, but the drudge of +the maid, apprentices and children, I never had a taste of human kindness +to soften the rigour of perpetual labour. I had been introduced as an +object of abhorrence into the family; as a creature of whom my +step-mother, though she had been kind enough to let me live in the house +with her own child, could make nothing. I was described as a wretch, +whose nose must be kept to the grinding stone--and it was held there with +an iron grasp. It seemed indeed the privilege of their superior nature to +kick me about, like the dog or cat. If I were attentive, I was called +fawning, if refractory, an obstinate mule, and like a mule I received +their censure on my loaded back. Often has my mistress, for some +instance of forgetfulness, thrown me from one side of the kitchen to the +other, knocked my head against the wall, spit in my face, with various +refinements on barbarity that I forbear to enumerate, though they were +all acted over again by the servant, with additional insults, to which +the appellation of _bastard_, was commonly added, with taunts or sneers. +But I will not attempt to give you an adequate idea of my situation, lest +you, who probably have never been drenched with the dregs of human +misery, should think I exaggerate. + +"I stole now, from absolute necessity,--bread; yet whatever else was +taken, which I had it not in my power to take, was ascribed to me. I was +the filching cat, the ravenous dog, the dumb brute, who must bear all; +for if I endeavoured to exculpate myself, I was silenced, without any +enquiries being made, with 'Hold your tongue, you never tell truth.' Even +the very air I breathed was tainted with scorn; for I was sent to the +neighbouring shops with Glutton, Liar, or Thief, written on my forehead. +This was, at first, the most bitter punishment; but sullen pride, or a +kind of stupid desperation, made me, at length, almost regardless of the +contempt, which had wrung from me so many solitary tears at the only +moments when I was allowed to rest. + +"Thus was I the mark of cruelty till my sixteenth year; and then I have +only to point out a change of misery; for a period I never knew. Allow me +first to make one observation. Now I look back, I cannot help +attributing the greater part of my misery, to the misfortune of having +been thrown into the world without the grand support of life--a mother's +affection. I had no one to love me; or to make me respected, to enable me +to acquire respect. I was an egg dropped on the sand; a pauper by nature, +shunted from family to family, who belonged to nobody--and nobody cared +for me. I was despised from my birth, and denied the chance of obtaining +a footing for myself in society. Yes; I had not even the chance of being +considered as a fellow-creature--yet all the people with whom I lived, +brutalized as they were by the low cunning of trade, and the despicable +shifts of poverty, were not without bowels, though they never yearned for +me. I was, in fact, born a slave, and chained by infamy to slavery +during the whole of existence, without having any companions to alleviate +it by sympathy, or teach me how to rise above it by their example. But, +to resume the thread of my tale-- + +"At sixteen, I suddenly grew tall, and something like comeliness appeared +on a Sunday, when I had time to wash my face, and put on clean clothes. +My master had once or twice caught hold of me in the passage; but I +instinctively avoided his disgusting caresses. One day however, when the +family were at a methodist meeting, he contrived to be alone in the house +with me, and by blows--yes; blows and menaces, compelled me to submit to +his ferocious desire; and, to avoid my mistress's fury, I was obliged in +future to comply, and skulk to my loft at his command, in spite of +increasing loathing. + +"The anguish which was now pent up in my bosom, seemed to open a new +world to me: I began to extend my thoughts beyond myself, and grieve for +human misery, till I discovered, with horror--ah! what horror!--that I +was with child. I know not why I felt a mixed sensation of despair and +tenderness, excepting that, ever called a bastard, a bastard appeared to +me an object of the greatest compassion in creation. + +"I communicated this dreadful circumstance to my master, who was almost +equally alarmed at the intelligence; for he feared his wife, and public +censure at the meeting. After some weeks of deliberation had elapsed, I +in continual fear that my altered shape would be noticed, my master gave +me a medicine in a phial, which he desired me to take, telling me, +without any circumlocution, for what purpose it was designed. I burst +into tears, I thought it was killing myself--yet was such a self as I +worth preserving? He cursed me for a fool, and left me to my own +reflections. I could not resolve to take this infernal potion; but I +wrapped it up in an old gown, and hid it in a corner of my box. + +"Nobody yet suspected me, because they had been accustomed to view me as +a creature of another species. But the threatening storm at last broke +over my devoted head--never shall I forget it! One Sunday evening when I +was left, as usual, to take care of the house, my master came home +intoxicated, and I became the prey of his brutal appetite. His extreme +intoxication made him forget his customary caution, and my mistress +entered and found us in a situation that could not have been more hateful +to her than me. Her husband was 'pot-valiant,' he feared her not at the +moment, nor had he then much reason, for she instantly turned the whole +force of her anger another way. She tore off my cap, scratched, kicked, +and buffetted me, till she had exhausted her strength, declaring, as she +rested her arm, 'that I had wheedled her husband from her.--But, could +any thing better be expected from a wretch, whom she had taken into her +house out of pure charity?' What a torrent of abuse rushed out? till, +almost breathless, she concluded with saying, 'that I was born a +strumpet; it ran in my blood, and nothing good could come to those who +harboured me.' + +"My situation was, of course, discovered, and she declared that I should +not stay another night under the same roof with an honest family. I was +therefore pushed out of doors, and my trumpery thrown after me, when it +had been contemptuously examined in the passage, lest I should have +stolen any thing. + +"Behold me then in the street, utterly destitute! Whither could I creep +for shelter? To my father's roof I had no claim, when not pursued by +shame--now I shrunk back as from death, from my mother's cruel +reproaches, my father's execrations. I could not endure to hear him curse +the day I was born, though life had been a curse to me. Of death I +thought, but with a confused emotion of terror, as I stood leaning my +head on a post, and starting at every footstep, lest it should be my +mistress coming to tear my heart out. One of the boys of the shop passing +by, heard my tale, and immediately repaired to his master, to give him a +description of my situation; and he touched the right key--the scandal it +would give rise to, if I were left to repeat my tale to every enquirer. +This plea came home to his reason, who had been sobered by his wife's +rage, the fury of which fell on him when I was out of her reach, and he +sent the boy to me with half-a-guinea, desiring him to conduct me to a +house, where beggars, and other wretches, the refuse of society, nightly +lodged. + +"This night was spent in a state of stupefaction, or desperation. I +detested mankind, and abhorred myself. + +"In the morning I ventured out, to throw myself in my master's way, at +his usual hour of going abroad. I approached him, he 'damned me for a +b----, declared I had disturbed the peace of the family, and that he had +sworn to his wife, never to take any more notice of me.' He left me; but, +instantly returning, he told me that he should speak to his friend, a +parish-officer, to get a nurse for the brat I laid to him; and advised +me, if I wished to keep out of the house of correction, not to make free +with his name. + +"I hurried back to my hole, and, rage giving place to despair, sought for +the potion that was to procure abortion, and swallowed it, with a wish +that it might destroy me, at the same time that it stopped the sensations +of new-born life, which I felt with indescribable emotion. My head +turned round, my heart grew sick, and in the horrors of approaching +dissolution, mental anguish was swallowed up. The effect of the medicine +was violent, and I was confined to my bed several days; but, youth and a +strong constitution prevailing, I once more crawled out, to ask myself +the cruel question, 'Whither I should go?' I had but two shillings left +in my pocket, the rest had been expended, by a poor woman who slept in +the same room, to pay for my lodging, and purchase the necessaries of +which she partook. + +"With this wretch I went into the neighbouring streets to beg, and my +disconsolate appearance drew a few pence from the idle, enabling me still +to command a bed; till, recovering from my illness, and taught to put on +my rags to the best advantage, I was accosted from different motives, and +yielded to the desire of the brutes I met, with the same detestation that +I had felt for my still more brutal master. I have since read in novels +of the blandishments of seduction, but I had not even the pleasure of +being enticed into vice. + +"I shall not," interrupted Jemima, "lead your imagination into all the +scenes of wretchedness and depravity, which I was condemned to view; or +mark the different stages of my debasing misery. Fate dragged me through +the very kennels of society; I was still a slave, a bastard, a common +property. Become familiar with vice, for I wish to conceal nothing from +you, I picked the pockets of the drunkards who abused me; and proved by +my conduct, that I deserved the epithets, with which they loaded me at +moments when distrust ought to cease. + +"Detesting my nightly occupation, though valuing, if I may so use the +word, my independence, which only consisted in choosing the street in +which I should wander, or the roof, when I had money, in which I should +hide my head, I was some time before I could prevail on myself to accept +of a place in a house of ill fame, to which a girl, with whom I had +accidentally conversed in the street, had recommended me. I had been +hunted almost into a a fever, by the watchmen of the quarter of the town +I frequented; one, whom I had unwittingly offended, giving the word to +the whole pack. You can scarcely conceive the tyranny exercised by these +wretches: considering themselves as the instruments of the very laws they +violate, the pretext which steels their conscience, hardens their heart. +Not content with receiving from us, outlaws of society (let other women +talk of favours) a brutal gratification gratuitously as a privilege of +office, they extort a tithe of prostitution, and harrass with threats the +poor creatures whose occupation affords not the means to silence the +growl of avarice. To escape from this persecution, I once more entered +into servitude. + +"A life of comparative regularity restored my health; and--do not +start--my manners were improved, in a situation where vice sought to +render itself alluring, and taste was cultivated to fashion the person, +if not to refine the mind. Besides, the common civility of speech, +contrasted with the gross vulgarity to which I had been accustomed, was +something like the polish of civilization. I was not shut out from all +intercourse of humanity. Still I was galled by the yoke of service, and +my mistress often flying into violent fits of passion, made me dread a +sudden dismission, which I understood was always the case. I was +therefore prevailed on, though I felt a horror of men, to accept the +offer of a gentleman, rather in the decline of years, to keep his house, +pleasantly situated in a little village near Hampstead. + +"He was a man of great talents, and of brilliant wit; but, a worn-out +votary of voluptuousness, his desires became fastidious in proportion as +they grew weak, and the native tenderness of his heart was undermined by +a vitiated imagination. A thoughtless career of libertinism and social +enjoyment, had injured his health to such a degree, that, whatever +pleasure his conversation afforded me (and my esteem was ensured by +proofs of the generous humanity of his disposition), the being his +mistress was purchasing it at a very dear rate. With such a keen +perception of the delicacies of sentiment, with an imagination +invigorated by the exercise of genius, how could he sink into the +grossness of sensuality! + +"But, to pass over a subject which I recollect with pain, I must remark +to you, as an answer to your often-repeated question, 'Why my sentiments +and language were superior to my station?' that I now began to read, to +beguile the tediousness of solitude, and to gratify an inquisitive, +active mind. I had often, in my childhood, followed a ballad-singer, to +hear the sequel of a dismal story, though sure of being severely punished +for delaying to return with whatever I was sent to purchase. I could just +spell and put a sentence together, and I listened to the various +arguments, though often mingled with obscenity, which occurred at the +table where I was allowed to preside: for a literary friend or two +frequently came home with my master, to dine and pass the night. Having +lost the privileged respect of my sex, my presence, instead of +restraining, perhaps gave the reins to their tongues; still I had the +advantage of hearing discussions, from which, in the common course of +life, women are excluded. + +"You may easily imagine, that it was only by degrees that I could +comprehend some of the subjects they investigated, or acquire from their +reasoning what might be termed a moral sense. But my fondness of reading +increasing, and my master occasionally shutting himself up in this +retreat, for weeks together, to write, I had many opportunities of +improvement. At first, considering money I was right!" (exclaimed Jemima, +altering her tone of voice) "as the only means, after my loss of +reputation, of obtaining respect, or even the toleration of humanity, I +had not the least scruple to secrete a part of the sums intrusted to me, +and to screen myself from detection by a system of falshood. But, +acquiring new principles, I began to have the ambition of returning to +the respectable part of society, and was weak enough to suppose it +possible. The attention of my unassuming instructor, who, without being +ignorant of his own powers, possessed great simplicity of manners, +strengthened the illusion. Having sometimes caught up hints for thought, +from my untutored remarks, he often led me to discuss the subjects he was +treating, and would read to me his productions, previous to their +publication, wishing to profit by the criticism of unsophisticated +feeling. The aim of his writings was to touch the simple springs of the +heart; for he despised the would-be oracles, the self-elected +philosophers, who fright away fancy, while sifting each grain of thought +to prove that slowness of comprehension is wisdom. + +"I should have distinguished this as a moment of sunshine, a happy period +in my life, had not the repugnance the disgusting libertinism of my +protector inspired, daily become more painful.--And, indeed, I soon did +recollect it as such with agony, when his sudden death (for he had +recourse to the most exhilarating cordials to keep up the convivial tone +of his spirits) again threw me into the desert of human society. Had he +had any time for reflection, I am certain he would have left the little +property in his power to me: but, attacked by the fatal apoplexy in town, +his heir, a man of rigid morals, brought his wife with him to take +possession of the house and effects, before I was even informed of his +death,--'to prevent,' as she took care indirectly to tell me, 'such a +creature as she supposed me to be, from purloining any of them, had I +been apprized of the event in time.' + +"The grief I felt at the sudden shock the information gave me, which at +first had nothing selfish in it, was treated with contempt, and I was +ordered to pack up my clothes; and a few trinkets and books, given me by +the generous deceased, were contested, while they piously hoped, with a +reprobating shake of the head, 'that God would have mercy on his sinful +soul!' With some difficulty, I obtained my arrears of wages; but +asking--such is the spirit-grinding consequence of poverty and +infamy--for a character for honesty and economy, which God knows I +merited, I was told by this--why must I call her woman?--'that it would +go against her conscience to recommend a kept mistress.' Tears started in +my eyes, burning tears; for there are situations in which a wretch is +humbled by the contempt they are conscious they do not deserve. + +"I returned to the metropolis; but the solitude of a poor lodging was +inconceivably dreary, after the society I had enjoyed. To be cut off from +human converse, now I had been taught to relish it, was to wander a ghost +among the living. Besides, I foresaw, to aggravate the severity of my +fate, that my little pittance would soon melt away. I endeavoured to +obtain needlework; but, not having been taught early, and my hands being +rendered clumsy by hard work, I did not sufficiently excel to be employed +by the ready-made linen shops, when so many women, better qualified, were +suing for it. The want of a character prevented my getting a place; for, +irksome as servitude would have been to me, I should have made another +trial, had it been feasible. Not that I disliked employment, but the +inequality of condition to which I must have submitted. I had acquired a +taste for literature, during the five years I had lived with a literary +man, occasionally conversing with men of the first abilities of the age; +and now to descend to the lowest vulgarity, was a degree of wretchedness +not to be imagined unfelt. I had not, it is true, tasted the charms of +affection, but I had been familiar with the graces of humanity. + +"One of the gentlemen, whom I had frequently dined in company with, while +I was treated like a companion, met me in the street, and enquired after +my health. I seized the occasion, and began to describe my situation; but +he was in haste to join, at dinner, a select party of choice spirits; +therefore, without waiting to hear me, he impatiently put a guinea into +my hand, saying, 'It was a pity such a sensible woman should be in +distress--he wished me well from his soul.' + +"To another I wrote, stating my case, and requesting advice. He was an +advocate for unequivocal sincerity; and had often, in my presence, +descanted on the evils which arise in society from the despotism of rank +and riches. + +"In reply, I received a long essay on the energy of the human mind, with +continual allusions to his own force of character. He added, 'That the +woman who could write such a letter as I had sent him, could never be in +want of resources, were she to look into herself, and exert her powers; +misery was the consequence of indolence, and, as to my being shut out +from society, it was the lot of man to submit to certain privations.' + +"How often have I heard," said Jemima, interrupting her narrative, "in +conversation, and read in books, that every person willing to work may +find employment? It is the vague assertion, I believe, of insensible +indolence, when it relates to men; but, with respect to women, I am sure +of its fallacy, unless they will submit to the most menial bodily labour; +and even to be employed at hard labour is out of the reach of many, whose +reputation misfortune or folly has tainted. + +"How writers, professing to be friends to freedom, and the improvement of +morals, can assert that poverty is no evil, I cannot imagine." + +"No more can I," interrupted Maria, "yet they even expatiate on the +peculiar happiness of indigence, though in what it can consist, excepting +in brutal rest, when a man can barely earn a subsistence, I cannot +imagine. The mind is necessarily imprisoned in its own little tenement; +and, fully occupied by keeping it in repair, has not time to rove abroad +for improvement. The book of knowledge is closely clasped, against those +who must fulfil their daily task of severe manual labour or die; and +curiosity, rarely excited by thought or information, seldom moves on the +stagnate lake of ignorance." + +"As far as I have been able to observe," replied Jemima, "prejudices, +caught up by chance, are obstinately maintained by the poor, to the +exclusion of improvement; they have not time to reason or reflect to any +extent, or minds sufficiently exercised to adopt the principles of +action, which form perhaps the only basis of contentment in every +station[114-A]." + + * * * * * + +"And independence," said Darnford, "they are necessarily strangers to, +even the independence of despising their persecutors. If the poor are +happy, or can be happy, _things are very well as they are_. And I cannot +conceive on what principle those writers contend for a change of system, +who support this opinion. The authors on the other side of the question +are much more consistent, who grant the fact; yet, insisting that it is +the lot of the majority to be oppressed in this life, kindly turn them +over to another, to rectify the false weights and measures of this, as +the only way to justify the dispensations of Providence. I have not," +continued Darnford, "an opinion more firmly fixed by observation in my +mind, than that, though riches may fail to produce proportionate +happiness, poverty most commonly excludes it, by shutting up all the +avenues to improvement." + +"And as for the affections," added Maria, with a sigh, "how gross, and +even tormenting do they become, unless regulated by an improving mind! +The culture of the heart ever, I believe, keeps pace with that of the +mind. But pray go on," addressing Jemima, "though your narrative gives +rise to the most painful reflections on the present state of society." + +"Not to trouble you," continued she, "with a detailed description of all +the painful feelings of unavailing exertion, I have only to tell you, +that at last I got recommended to wash in a few families, who did me the +favour to admit me into their houses, without the most strict enquiry, to +wash from one in the morning till eight at night, for eighteen or +twenty-pence a day. On the happiness to be enjoyed over a washing-tub I +need not comment; yet you will allow me to observe, that this was a +wretchedness of situation peculiar to my sex. A man with half my +industry, and, I may say, abilities, could have procured a decent +livelihood, and discharged some of the duties which knit mankind +together; whilst I, who had acquired a taste for the rational, nay, in +honest pride let me assert it, the virtuous enjoyments of life, was cast +aside as the filth of society. Condemned to labour, like a machine, only +to earn bread, and scarcely that, I became melancholy and desperate. + +"I have now to mention a circumstance which fills me with remorse, and +fear it will entirely deprive me of your esteem. A tradesman became +attached to me, and visited me frequently,--and I at last obtained such a +power over him, that he offered to take me home to his house.--Consider, +dear madam, I was famishing: wonder not that I became a wolf!--The only +reason for not taking me home immediately, was the having a girl in the +house, with child by him--and this girl--I advised him--yes, I did! would +I could forget it!--to turn out of doors: and one night he determined to +follow my advice, Poor wretch! she fell upon her knees, reminded him +that he had promised to marry her, that her parents were honest!--What +did it avail?--She was turned out. + +"She approached her father's door, in the skirts of London,--listened at +the shutters,--but could not knock. A watchman had observed her go and +return several times--Poor wretch!--"The remorse Jemima spoke of, seemed +to be stinging her to the soul, as she proceeded." + +"She left it, and, approaching a tub where horses were watered, she sat +down in it, and, with desperate resolution, remained in that +attitude--till resolution was no longer necessary! + +"I happened that morning to be going out to wash, anticipating the moment +when I should escape from such hard labour. I passed by, just as some +men, going to work, drew out the stiff, cold corpse--Let me not recal the +horrid moment!--I recognized her pale visage; I listened to the tale told +by the spectators, and my heart did not burst. I thought of my own state, +and wondered how I could be such a monster!--I worked hard; and, +returning home, I was attacked by a fever. I suffered both in body and +mind. I determined not to live with the wretch. But he did not try me; he +left the neighbourhood. I once more returned to the wash-tub. + +"Still this state, miserable as it was, admitted of aggravation. Lifting +one day a heavy load, a tub fell against my shin, and gave me great pain. +I did not pay much attention to the hurt, till it became a serious wound; +being obliged to work as usual, or starve. But, finding myself at length +unable to stand for any time, I thought of getting into an hospital. +Hospitals, it should seem (for they are comfortless abodes for the sick) +were expressly endowed for the reception of the friendless; yet I, who +had on that plea a right to assistance, wanted the recommendation of the +rich and respectable, and was several weeks languishing for admittance; +fees were demanded on entering; and, what was still more unreasonable, +security for burying me, that expence not coming into the letter of the +charity. A guinea was the stipulated sum--I could as soon have raised a +million; and I was afraid to apply to the parish for an order, lest they +should have passed me, I knew not whither. The poor woman at whose house +I lodged, compassionating my state, got me into the hospital; and the +family where I received the hurt, sent me five shillings, three and +six-pence of which I gave at my admittance--I know not for what. + +"My leg grew quickly better; but I was dismissed before my cure was +completed, because I could not afford to have my linen washed to appear +decently, as the virago of a nurse said, when the gentlemen (the +surgeons) came. I cannot give you an adequate idea of the wretchedness of +an hospital; every thing is left to the care of people intent on gain. +The attendants seem to have lost all feeling of compassion in the +bustling discharge of their offices; death is so familiar to them, that +they are not anxious to ward it off. Every thing appeared to be conducted +for the accommodation of the medical men and their pupils, who came to +make experiments on the poor, for the benefit of the rich. One of the +physicians, I must not forget to mention, gave me half-a-crown, and +ordered me some wine, when I was at the lowest ebb. I thought of making +my case known to the lady-like matron; but her forbidding countenance +prevented me. She condescended to look on the patients, and make general +enquiries, two or three times a week; but the nurses knew the hour when +the visit of ceremony would commence, and every thing was as it should +be. + +"After my dismission, I was more at a loss than ever for a subsistence, +and, not to weary you with a repetition of the same unavailing attempts, +unable to stand at the washing-tub, I began to consider the rich and poor +as natural enemies, and became a thief from principle. I could not now +cease to reason, but I hated mankind. I despised myself, yet I justified +my conduct. I was taken, tried, and condemned to six months' imprisonment +in a house of correction. My soul recoils with horror from the +remembrance of the insults I had to endure, till, branded with shame, I +was turned loose in the street, pennyless. I wandered from street to +street, till, exhausted by hunger and fatigue, I sunk down senseless at a +door, where I had vainly demanded a morsel of bread. I was sent by the +inhabitant to the work-house, to which he had surlily bid me go, saying, +he 'paid enough in conscience to the poor,' when, with parched tongue, I +implored his charity. If those well-meaning people who exclaim against +beggars, were acquainted with the treatment the poor receive in many of +these wretched asylums, they would not stifle so easily involuntary +sympathy, by saying that they have all parishes to go to, or wonder that +the poor dread to enter the gloomy walls. What are the common run of +work-houses, but prisons, in which many respectable old people, worn out +by immoderate labour, sink into the grave in sorrow, to which they are +carried like dogs!" + +Alarmed by some indistinct noise, Jemima rose hastily to listen, and +Maria, turning to Darnford, said, "I have indeed been shocked beyond +expression when I have met a pauper's funeral. A coffin carried on the +shoulders of three or four ill-looking wretches, whom the imagination +might easily convert into a band of assassins, hastening to conceal the +corpse, and quarrelling about the prey on their way. I know it is of +little consequence how we are consigned to the earth; but I am led by +this brutal insensibility, to what even the animal creation appears +forcibly to feel, to advert to the wretched, deserted manner in which +they died." + +"True," rejoined Darnford, "and, till the rich will give more than a part +of their wealth, till they will give time and attention to the wants of +the distressed, never let them boast of charity. Let them open their +hearts, and not their purses, and employ their minds in the service, if +they are really actuated by humanity; or charitable institutions will +always be the prey of the lowest order of knaves." + +Jemima returning, seemed in haste to finish her tale. "The overseer +farmed the poor of different parishes, and out of the bowels of poverty +was wrung the money with which he purchased this dwelling, as a private +receptacle for madness. He had been a keeper at a house of the same +description, and conceived that he could make money much more readily in +his old occupation. He is a shrewd--shall I say it?--villain. He observed +something resolute in my manner, and offered to take me with him, and +instruct me how to treat the disturbed minds he meant to intrust to my +care. The offer of forty pounds a year, and to quit a workhouse, was not +to be despised, though the condition of shutting my eyes and hardening my +heart was annexed to it. + +"I agreed to accompany him; and four years have I been attendant on many +wretches, and"--she lowered her voice,--"the witness of many enormities. +In solitude my mind seemed to recover its force, and many of the +sentiments which I imbibed in the only tolerable period of my life, +returned with their full force. Still what should induce me to be the +champion for suffering humanity?--Who ever risked any thing for me?--Who +ever acknowledged me to be a fellow-creature?"-- + +Maria took her hand, and Jemima, more overcome by kindness than she had +ever been by cruelty, hastened out of the room to conceal her emotions. + +Darnford soon after heard his summons, and, taking leave of him, Maria +promised to gratify his curiosity, with respect to herself, the first +opportunity. + +FOOTNOTES: + +[114-A] The copy which appears to have received the author's last +corrections, ends at this place. + + + + +CHAP. VI. + + +ACTIVE as love was in the heart of Maria, the story she had just heard +made her thoughts take a wider range. The opening buds of hope closed, as +if they had put forth too early, and the the happiest day of her life was +overcast by the most melancholy reflections. Thinking of Jemima's +peculiar fate and her own, she was led to consider the oppressed state of +women, and to lament that she had given birth to a daughter. Sleep fled +from her eyelids, while she dwelt on the wretchedness of unprotected +infancy, till sympathy with Jemima changed to agony, when it seemed +probable that her own babe might even now be in the very state she so +forcibly described. + +Maria thought, and thought again. Jemima's humanity had rather been +benumbed than killed, by the keen frost she had to brave at her entrance +into life; an appeal then to her feelings, on this tender point, surely +would not be fruitless; and Maria began to anticipate the delight it +would afford her to gain intelligence of her child. This project was now +the only subject of reflection; and she watched impatiently for the dawn +of day, with that determinate purpose which generally insures success. + +At the usual hour, Jemima brought her breakfast, and a tender note from +Darnford. She ran her eye hastily over it, and her heart calmly hoarded +up the rapture a fresh assurance of affection, affection such as she +wished to inspire, gave her, without diverting her mind a moment from its +design. While Jemima waited to take away the breakfast, Maria alluded to +the reflections, that had haunted her during the night to the exclusion +of sleep. She spoke with energy of Jemima's unmerited sufferings, and of +the fate of a number of deserted females, placed within the sweep of a +whirlwind, from which it was next to impossible to escape. Perceiving the +effect her conversation produced on the countenance of her guard, she +grasped the arm of Jemima with that irresistible warmth which defies +repulse, exclaiming--"With your heart, and such dreadful experience, can +you lend your aid to deprive my babe of a mother's tenderness, a mother's +care? In the name of God, assist me to snatch her from destruction! Let +me but give her an education--let me but prepare her body and mind to +encounter the ills which await her sex, and I will teach her to consider +you as her second mother, and herself as the prop of your age. Yes, +Jemima, look at me--observe me closely, and read my very soul; you merit +a better fate;" she held out her hand with a firm gesture of assurance; +"and I will procure it for you, as a testimony of my esteem, as well as +of my gratitude." + +Jemima had not power to resist this persuasive torrent; and, owning that +the house in which she was confined, was situated on the banks of the +Thames, only a few miles from London, and not on the sea-coast, as +Darnford had supposed, she promised to invent some excuse for her +absence, and go herself to trace the situation, and enquire concerning +the health, of this abandoned daughter. Her manner implied an intention +to do something more, but she seemed unwilling to impart her design; and +Maria, glad to have obtained the main point, thought it best to leave her +to the workings of her own mind; convinced that she had the power of +interesting her still more in favour of herself and child, by a simple +recital of facts. + +In the evening, Jemima informed the impatient mother, that on the morrow +she should hasten to town before the family hour of rising, and received +all the information necessary, as a clue to her search. The "Good night!" +Maria uttered was peculiarly solemn and affectionate. Glad expectation +sparkled in her eye; and, for the first time since her detention, she +pronounced the name of her child with pleasureable fondness; and, with +all the garrulity of a nurse, described her first smile when she +recognized her mother. Recollecting herself, a still kinder "Adieu!" with +a "God bless you!"--that seemed to include a maternal benediction, +dismissed Jemima. + +The dreary solitude of the ensuing day, lengthened by impatiently +dwelling on the same idea, was intolerably wearisome. She listened for +the sound of a particular clock, which some directions of the wind +allowed her to hear distinctly. She marked the shadow gaining on the +wall; and, twilight thickening into darkness, her breath seemed oppressed +while she anxiously counted nine.--The last sound was a stroke of +despair on her heart; for she expected every moment, without seeing +Jemima, to have her light extinguished by the savage female who supplied +her place. She was even obliged to prepare for bed, restless as she was, +not to disoblige her new attendant. She had been cautioned not to speak +too freely to her; but the caution was needless, her countenance would +still more emphatically have made her shrink back. Such was the ferocity +of manner, conspicuous in every word and gesture of this hag, that Maria +was afraid to enquire, why Jemima, who had faithfully promised to see her +before her door was shut for the night, came not?--and, when the key +turned in the lock, to consign her to a night of suspence, she felt a +degree of anguish which the circumstances scarcely justified. + +Continually on the watch, the shutting of a door, or the sound of a +footstep, made her start and tremble with apprehension, something like +what she felt, when, at her entrance, dragged along the gallery, she +began to doubt whether she were not surrounded by demons? + +Fatigued by an endless rotation of thought and wild alarms, she looked +like a spectre, when Jemima entered in the morning; especially as her +eyes darted out of her head, to read in Jemima's countenance, almost as +pallid, the intelligence she dared not trust her tongue to demand. Jemima +put down the tea-things, and appeared very busy in arranging the table. +Maria took up a cup with trembling hand, then forcibly recovering her +fortitude, and restraining the convulsive movement which agitated the +muscles of her mouth, she said, "Spare yourself the pain of preparing me +for your information, I adjure you!--My child is dead!" Jemima solemnly +answered, "Yes;" with a look expressive of compassion and angry emotions. +"Leave me," added Maria, making a fresh effort to govern her feelings, +and hiding her face in her handkerchief, to conceal her anguish--"It is +enough--I know that my babe is no more--I will hear the particulars when +I am"--_calmer_, she could not utter; and Jemima, without importuning her +by idle attempts to console her, left the room. + +Plunged in the deepest melancholy, she would not admit Darnford's visits; +and such is the force of early associations even on strong minds, that, +for a while, she indulged the superstitious notion that she was justly +punished by the death of her child, for having for an instant ceased to +regret her loss. Two or three letters from Darnford, full of soothing, +manly tenderness, only added poignancy to these accusing emotions; yet +the passionate style in which he expressed, what he termed the first and +fondest wish of his heart, "that his affection might make her some amends +for the cruelty and injustice she had endured," inspired a sentiment of +gratitude to heaven; and her eyes filled with delicious tears, when, at +the conclusion of his letter, wishing to supply the place of her unworthy +relations, whose want of principle he execrated, he assured her, calling +her his dearest girl, "that it should henceforth be the business of his +life to make her happy." + +He begged, in a note sent the following morning, to be permitted to see +her, when his presence would be no intrusion on her grief; and so +earnestly intreated to be allowed, according to promise, to beguile the +tedious moments of absence, by dwelling on the events of her past life, +that she sent him the memoirs which had been written for her daughter, +promising Jemima the perusal as soon as he returned them. + + + + +CHAP. VII. + + +"ADDRESSING these memoirs to you, my child, uncertain whether I shall +ever have an opportunity of instructing you, many observations will +probably flow from my heart, which only a mother--a mother schooled in +misery, could make. + +"The tenderness of a father who knew the world, might be great; but could +it equal that of a mother--of a mother, labouring under a portion of the +misery, which the constitution of society seems to have entailed on all +her kind? It is, my child, my dearest daughter, only such a mother, who +will dare to break through all restraint to provide for your +happiness--who will voluntarily brave censure herself, to ward off +sorrow from your bosom. From my narrative, my dear girl, you may gather +the instruction, the counsel, which is meant rather to exercise than +influence your mind.--Death may snatch me from you, before you can weigh +my advice, or enter into my reasoning: I would then, with fond anxiety, +lead you very early in life to form your grand principle of action, to +save you from the vain regret of having, through irresolution, let the +spring-tide of existence pass away, unimproved, unenjoyed.--Gain +experience--ah! gain it--while experience is worth having, and acquire +sufficient fortitude to pursue your own happiness; it includes your +utility, by a direct path. What is wisdom too often, but the owl of the +goddess, who sits moping in a desolated heart; around me she shrieks, +but I would invite all the gay warblers of spring to nestle in your +blooming bosom.--Had I not wasted years in deliberating, after I ceased +to doubt, how I ought to have acted--I might now be useful and +happy.--For my sake, warned by my example, always appear what you are, +and you will not pass through existence without enjoying its genuine +blessings, love and respect. + +"Born in one of the most romantic parts of England, an enthusiastic +fondness for the varying charms of nature is the first sentiment I +recollect; or rather it was the first consciousness of pleasure that +employed and formed my imagination. + +"My father had been a captain of a man of war; but, disgusted with the +service, on account of the preferment of men whose chief merit was their +family connections or borough interest, he retired into the country; and, +not knowing what to do with himself--married. In his family, to regain +his lost consequence, he determined to keep up the same passive +obedience, as in the vessels in which he had commanded. His orders were +not to be disputed; and the whole house was expected to fly, at the word +of command, as if to man the shrouds, or mount aloft in an elemental +strife, big with life or death. He was to be instantaneously obeyed, +especially by my mother, whom he very benevolently married for love; but +took care to remind her of the obligation, when she dared, in the +slightest instance, to question his absolute authority. My eldest +brother, it is true, as he grew up, was treated with more respect by my +father; and became in due form the deputy-tyrant of the house. The +representative of my father, a being privileged by nature--a boy, and the +darling of my mother, he did not fail to act like an heir apparent. Such +indeed was my mother's extravagant partiality, that, in comparison with +her affection for him, she might be said not to love the rest of her +children. Yet none of the children seemed to have so little affection for +her. Extreme indulgence had rendered him so selfish, that he only thought +of himself; and from tormenting insects and animals, he became the despot +of his brothers, and still more of his sisters. + +"It is perhaps difficult to give you an idea of the petty cares which +obscured the morning of my life; continual restraint in the most trivial +matters; unconditional submission to orders, which, as a mere child, I +soon discovered to be unreasonable, because inconsistent and +contradictory. Thus are we destined to experience a mixture of +bitterness, with the recollection of our most innocent enjoyments. + +"The circumstances which, during my childhood, occurred to fashion my +mind, were various; yet, as it would probably afford me more pleasure to +revive the fading remembrance of new-born delight, than you, my child, +could feel in the perusal, I will not entice you to stray with me into +the verdant meadow, to search for the flowers that youthful hopes scatter +in every path; though, as I write, I almost scent the fresh green of +spring--of that spring which never returns! + +"I had two sisters, and one brother, younger than myself; my brother +Robert was two years older, and might truly be termed the idol of his +parents, and the torment of the rest of the family. Such indeed is the +force of prejudice, that what was called spirit and wit in him, was +cruelly repressed as forwardness in me. + +"My mother had an indolence of character, which prevented her from paying +much attention to our education. But the healthy breeze of a neighbouring +heath, on which we bounded at pleasure, volatilized the humours that +improper food might have generated. And to enjoy open air and freedom, +was paradise, after the unnatural restraint of our fire-side, where we +were often obliged to sit three or four hours together, without daring to +utter a word, when my father was out of humour, from want of employment, +or of a variety of boisterous amusement. I had however one advantage, an +instructor, the brother of my father, who, intended for the church, had +of course received a liberal education. But, becoming attached to a young +lady of great beauty and large fortune, and acquiring in the world some +opinions not consonant with the profession for which he was designed, he +accepted, with the most sanguine expectations of success, the offer of a +nobleman to accompany him to India, as his confidential secretary. + +"A correspondence was regularly kept up with the object of his affection; +and the intricacies of business, peculiarly wearisome to a man of a +romantic turn of mind, contributed, with a forced absence, to increase +his attachment. Every other passion was lost in this master-one, and +only served to swell the torrent. Her relations, such were his waking +dreams, who had despised him, would court in their turn his alliance, and +all the blandishments of taste would grace the triumph of love.--While he +basked in the warm sunshine of love, friendship also promised to shed its +dewy freshness; for a friend, whom he loved next to his mistress, was the +confident, who forwarded the letters from one to the other, to elude the +observation of prying relations. A friend false in similar circumstances, +is, my dearest girl, an old tale; yet, let not this example, or the +frigid caution of cold-blooded moralists, make you endeavour to stifle +hopes, which are the buds that naturally unfold themselves during the +spring of life! Whilst your own heart is sincere, always expect to meet +one glowing with the same sentiments; for to fly from pleasure, is not to +avoid pain! + +"My uncle realized, by good luck, rather than management, a handsome +fortune; and returning on the wings of love, lost in the most enchanting +reveries, to England, to share it with his mistress and his friend, he +found them--united. + +"There were some circumstances, not necessary for me to recite, which +aggravated the guilt of the friend beyond measure, and the deception, +that had been carried on to the last moment, was so base, it produced the +most violent effect on my uncle's health and spirits. His native country, +the world! lately a garden of blooming sweets, blasted by treachery, +seemed changed into a parched desert, the abode of hissing serpents. +Disappointment rankled in his heart; and, brooding over his wrongs, he +was attacked by a raging fever, followed by a derangement of mind, which +only gave place to habitual melancholy, as he recovered more strength of +body. + +"Declaring an intention never to marry, his relations were ever +clustering about him, paying the grossest adulation to a man, who, +disgusted with mankind, received them with scorn, or bitter sarcasms. +Something in my countenance pleased him, when I began to prattle. Since +his return, he appeared dead to affection; but I soon, by showing him +innocent fondness, became a favourite; and endeavouring to enlarge and +strengthen my mind, I grew dear to him in proportion as I imbibed his +sentiments. He had a forcible manner of speaking, rendered more so by a +certain impressive wildness of look and gesture, calculated to engage the +attention of a young and ardent mind. It is not then surprising that I +quickly adopted his opinions in preference, and reverenced him as one of +a superior order of beings. He inculcated, with great warmth, +self-respect, and a lofty consciousness of acting right, independent of +the censure or applause of the world; nay, he almost taught me to brave, +and even despise its censure, when convinced of the rectitude of my own +intentions. + +"Endeavouring to prove to me that nothing which deserved the name of love +or friendship, existed in the world, he drew such animated pictures of +his own feelings, rendered permanent by disappointment, as imprinted the +sentiments strongly on my heart, and animated my imagination. These +remarks are necessary to elucidate some peculiarities in my character, +which by the world are indefinitely termed romantic. + +"My uncle's increasing affection led him to visit me often. Still, unable +to rest in any place, he did not remain long in the country to soften +domestic tyranny; but he brought me books, for which I had a passion, and +they conspired with his conversation, to make me form an ideal picture of +life. I shall pass over the tyranny of my father, much as I suffered from +it; but it is necessary to notice, that it undermined my mother's health; +and that her temper, continually irritated by domestic bickering, became +intolerably peevish. + +"My eldest brother was articled to a neighbouring attorney, the +shrewdest, and, I may add, the most unprincipled man in that part of the +country. As my brother generally came home every Saturday, to astonish my +mother by exhibiting his attainments, he gradually assumed a right of +directing the whole family, not excepting my father. He seemed to take a +peculiar pleasure in tormenting and humbling me; and if I ever ventured +to complain of this treatment to either my father or mother, I was rudely +rebuffed for presuming to judge of the conduct of my eldest brother. + +"About this period a merchant's family came to settle in our +neighbourhood. A mansion-house in the village, lately purchased, had been +preparing the whole spring, and the sight of the costly furniture, sent +from London, had excited my mother's envy, and roused my father's pride. +My sensations were very different, and all of a pleasurable kind. I +longed to see new characters, to break the tedious monotony of my life; +and to find a friend, such as fancy had pourtrayed. I cannot then +describe the emotion I felt, the Sunday they made their appearance at +church. My eyes were rivetted on the pillar round which I expected first +to catch a glimpse of them, and darted forth to meet a servant who +hastily preceded a group of ladies, whose white robes and waving plumes, +seemed to stream along the gloomy aisle, diffusing the light, by which I +contemplated their figures. + +"We visited them in form; and I quickly selected the eldest daughter for +my friend. The second son, George, paid me particular attention, and +finding his attainments and manners superior to those of the young men of +the village, I began to imagine him superior to the rest of mankind. Had +my home been more comfortable, or my previous acquaintance more numerous, +I should not probably have been so eager to open my heart to new +affections. + +"Mr. Venables, the merchant, had acquired a large fortune by unremitting +attention to business; but his health declining rapidly, he was obliged +to retire, before his son, George, had acquired sufficient experience, to +enable him to conduct their affairs on the same prudential plan, his +father had invariably pursued. Indeed, he had laboured to throw off his +authority, having despised his narrow plans and cautious speculation. The +eldest son could not be prevailed on to enter the firm; and, to oblige +his wife, and have peace in the house, Mr. Venables had purchased a +commission for him in the guards. + +"I am now alluding to circumstances which came to my knowledge long +after; but it is necessary, my dearest child, that you should know the +character of your father, to prevent your despising your mother; the only +parent inclined to discharge a parent's duty. In London, George had +acquired habits of libertinism, which he carefully concealed from his +father and his commercial connections. The mask he wore, was so complete +a covering of his real visage, that the praise his father lavished on his +conduct, and, poor mistaken man! on his principles, contrasted with his +brother's, rendered the notice he took of me peculiarly flattering. +Without any fixed design, as I am now convinced, he continued to single +me out at the dance, press my hand at parting, and utter expressions of +unmeaning passion, to which I gave a meaning naturally suggested by the +romantic turn of my thoughts. His stay in the country was short; his +manners did not entirely please me; but, when he left us, the colouring +of my picture became more vivid--Whither did not my imagination lead me? +In short, I fancied myself in love--in love with the disinterestedness, +fortitude, generosity, dignity, and humanity, with which I had invested +the hero I dubbed. A circumstance which soon after occurred, rendered all +these virtues palpable. [The incident is perhaps worth relating on other +accounts, and therefore I shall describe it distinctly.] + +"I had a great affection for my nurse, old Mary, for whom I used often to +work, to spare her eyes. Mary had a younger sister, married to a sailor, +while she was suckling me; for my mother only suckled my eldest brother, +which might be the cause of her extraordinary partiality. Peggy, Mary's +sister, lived with her, till her husband, becoming a mate in a West-India +trader, got a little before-hand in the world. He wrote to his wife from +the first port in the Channel, after his most successful voyage, to +request her to come to London to meet him; he even wished her to +determine on living there for the future, to save him the trouble of +coming to her the moment he came on shore; and to turn a penny by +keeping a green-stall. It was too much to set out on a journey the +moment he had finished a voyage, and fifty miles by land, was worse than +a thousand leagues by sea. + +"She packed up her alls, and came to London--but did not meet honest +Daniel. A common misfortune prevented her, and the poor are bound to +suffer for the good of their country--he was pressed in the river--and +never came on shore. + +"Peggy was miserable in London, not knowing, as she said, 'the face of +any living soul.' Besides, her imagination had been employed, +anticipating a month or six weeks' happiness with her husband. Daniel was +to have gone with her to Sadler's Wells, and Westminster Abbey, and to +many sights, which he knew she never heard of in the country. Peggy too +was thrifty, and how could she manage to put his plan in execution +alone? He had acquaintance; but she did not know the very name of their +places of abode. His letters were made up of--How do you does, and God +bless yous,--information was reserved for the hour of meeting. + +"She too had her portion of information, near at heart. Molly and Jacky +were grown such little darlings, she was almost angry that daddy did not +see their tricks. She had not half the pleasure she should have had from +their prattle, could she have recounted to him each night the pretty +speeches of the day. Some stories, however, were stored up--and Jacky +could say papa with such a sweet voice, it must delight his heart. Yet +when she came, and found no Daniel to greet her, when Jacky called papa, +she wept, bidding 'God bless his innocent soul, that did not know what +sorrow was.'--But more sorrow was in store for Peggy, innocent as she +was.--Daniel was killed in the first engagement, and then the _papa_ was +agony, sounding to the heart. + +"She had lived sparingly on his wages, while there was any hope of his +return; but, that gone, she returned with a breaking heart to the +country, to a little market town, nearly three miles from our village. +She did not like to go to service, to be snubbed about, after being her +own mistress. To put her children out to nurse was impossible: how far +would her wages go? and to send them to her husband's parish, a distant +one, was to lose her husband twice over. + +"I had heard all from Mary, and made my uncle furnish a little cottage +for her, to enable her to sell--so sacred was poor Daniel's advice, now +he was dead and gone--a little fruit, toys and cakes. The minding of the +shop did not require her whole time, nor even the keeping her children +clean, and she loved to see them clean; so she took in washing, and +altogether made a shift to earn bread for her children, still weeping for +Daniel, when Jacky's arch looks made her think of his father.--It was +pleasant to work for her children.--'Yes; from morning till night, could +she have had a kiss from their father, God rest his soul! Yes; had it +pleased Providence to have let him come back without a leg or an arm, it +would have been the same thing to her--for she did not love him because +he maintained them--no; she had hands of her own.' + +"The country people were honest, and Peggy left her linen out to dry very +late. A recruiting party, as she supposed, passing through, made free +with a large wash; for it was all swept away, including her own and her +children's little stock. + +"This was a dreadful blow; two dozen of shirts, stocks and handkerchiefs. +She gave the money which she had laid by for half a year's rent, and +promised to pay two shillings a week till all was cleared; so she did not +lose her employment. This two shillings a week, and the buying a few +necessaries for the children, drove her so hard, that she had not a penny +to pay her rent with, when a twelvemonth's became due. + +"She was now with Mary, and had just told her tale, which Mary instantly +repeated--it was intended for my ear. Many houses in this town, producing +a borough-interest, were included in the estate purchased by Mr. +Venables, and the attorney with whom my brother lived, was appointed his +agent, to collect and raise the rents. + +"He demanded Peggy's, and, in spite of her intreaties, her poor goods had +been seized and sold. So that she had not, and what was worse her +children, 'for she had known sorrow enough,' a bed to lie on. She knew +that I was good-natured--right charitable, yet not liking to ask for more +than needs must, she scorned to petition while people could any how be +made to wait. But now, should she be turned out of doors, she must +expect nothing less than to lose all her customers, and then she must +beg or starve--and what would become of her children?--'had Daniel not +been pressed--but God knows best--all this could not have happened.' + +"I had two mattrasses on my bed; what did I want with two, when such a +worthy creature must lie on the ground? My mother would be angry, but I +could conceal it till my uncle came down; and then I would tell him all +the whole truth, and if he absolved me, heaven would. + +"I begged the house-maid to come up stairs with me (servants always feel +for the distresses of poverty, and so would the rich if they knew what it +was). She assisted me to tie up the mattrass; I discovering, at the same +time, that one blanket would serve me till winter, could I persuade my +sister, who slept with me, to keep my secret. She entering in the midst +of the package, I gave her some new feathers, to silence her. We got the +mattrass down the back stairs, unperceived, and I helped to carry it, +taking with me all the money I had, and what I could borrow from my +sister. + +"When I got to the cottage, Peggy declared that she would not take what I +had brought secretly; but, when, with all the eager eloquence inspired by +a decided purpose, I grasped her hand with weeping eyes, assuring her +that my uncle would screen me from blame, when he was once more in the +country, describing, at the same time, what she would suffer in parting +with her children, after keeping them so long from being thrown on the +parish, she reluctantly consented. + +"My project of usefulness ended not here; I determined to speak to the +attorney; he frequently paid me compliments. His character did not +intimidate me; but, imagining that Peggy must be mistaken, and that no +man could turn a deaf ear to such a tale of complicated distress, I +determined to walk to the town with Mary the next morning, and request +him to wait for the rent, and keep my secret, till my uncle's return. + +"My repose was sweet; and, waking with the first dawn of day, I bounded +to Mary's cottage. What charms do not a light heart spread over nature! +Every bird that twittered in a bush, every flower that enlivened the +hedge, seemed placed there to awaken me to rapture--yes; to rapture. The +present moment was full fraught with happiness; and on futurity I +bestowed not a thought, excepting to anticipate my success with the +attorney. + +"This man of the world, with rosy face and simpering features, received +me politely, nay kindly; listened with complacency to my remonstrances, +though he scarcely heeded Mary's tears. I did not then suspect, that my +eloquence was in my complexion, the blush of seventeen, or that, in a +world where humanity to women is the characteristic of advancing +civilization, the beauty of a young girl was so much more interesting +than the distress of an old one. Pressing my hand, he promised to let +Peggy remain in the house as long as I wished.--I more than returned the +pressure--I was so grateful and so happy. Emboldened by my innocent +warmth, he then kissed me--and I did not draw back--I took it for a kiss +of charity. + +"Gay as a lark, I went to dine at Mr. Venables'. I had previously +obtained five shillings from my father, towards re-clothing the poor +children of my care, and prevailed on my mother to take one of the girls +into the house, whom I determined to teach to work and read. + +"After dinner, when the younger part of the circle retired to the music +room, I recounted with energy my tale; that is, I mentioned Peggy's +distress, without hinting at the steps I had taken to relieve her. Miss +Venables gave me half-a-crown; the heir five shillings; but George sat +unmoved. I was cruelly distressed by the disappointment--I scarcely could +remain on my chair; and, could I have got out of the room unperceived, I +should have flown home, as if to run away from myself. After several +vain attempts to rise, I leaned my head against the marble chimney-piece, +and gazing on the evergreens that filled the fire-place, moralized on the +vanity of human expectations; regardless of the company. I was roused by +a gentle tap on my shoulder from behind Charlotte's chair. I turned my +head, and George slid a guinea into my hand, putting his finger to his +mouth, to enjoin me silence. + +"What a revolution took place, not only in my train of thoughts, but +feelings! I trembled with emotion--now, indeed, I was in love. Such +delicacy too, to enhance his benevolence! I felt in my pocket every five +minutes, only to feel the guinea; and its magic touch invested my hero +with more than mortal beauty. My fancy had found a basis to erect its +model of perfection on; and quickly went to work, with all the happy +credulity of youth, to consider that heart as devoted to virtue, which +had only obeyed a virtuous impulse. The bitter experience was yet to +come, that has taught me how very distinct are the principles of virtue, +from the casual feelings from which they germinate. + + + + +CHAP. VIII. + + +"I HAVE perhaps dwelt too long on a circumstance, which is only of +importance as it marks the progress of a deception that has been so fatal +to my peace; and introduces to your notice a poor girl, whom, intending +to serve, I led to ruin. Still it is probable that I was not entirely the +victim of mistake; and that your father, gradually fashioned by the +world, did not quickly become what I hesitate to call him--out of respect +to my daughter. + +"But, to hasten to the more busy scenes of my life. Mr. Venables and my +mother died the same summer; and, wholly engrossed by my attention to +her, I thought of little else. The neglect of her darling, my brother +Robert, had a violent effect on her weakened mind; for, though boys may +be reckoned the pillars of the house without doors, girls are often the +only comfort within. They but too frequently waste their health and +spirits attending a dying parent, who leaves them in comparative poverty. +After closing, with filial piety, a father's eyes, they are chased from +the paternal roof, to make room for the first-born, the son, who is to +carry the empty family-name down to posterity; though, occupied with his +own pleasures, he scarcely thought of discharging, in the decline of his +parent's life, the debt contracted in his childhood. My mother's conduct +led me to make these reflections. Great as was the fatigue I endured, and +the affection my unceasing solicitude evinced, of which my mother seemed +perfectly sensible, still, when my brother, whom I could hardly persuade +to remain a quarter of an hour in her chamber, was with her alone, a +short time before her death, she gave him a little hoard, which she had +been some years accumulating. + +"During my mother's illness, I was obliged to manage my father's temper, +who, from the lingering nature of her malady, began to imagine that it +was merely fancy. At this period, an artful kind of upper servant +attracted my father's attention, and the neighbours made many remarks on +the finery, not honestly got, exhibited at evening service. But I was too +much occupied with my mother to observe any change in her dress or +behaviour, or to listen to the whisper of scandal. + +"I shall not dwell on the death-bed scene, lively as is the remembrance, +or on the emotion produced by the last grasp of my mother's cold hand; +when blessing me, she added, 'A little patience, and all will be over!' +Ah! my child, how often have those words rung mournfully in my ears--and +I have exclaimed--'A little more patience, and I too shall be at rest!' + +"My father was violently affected by her death, recollected instances of +his unkindness, and wept like a child. + +"My mother had solemnly recommended my sisters to my care, and bid me be +a mother to them. They, indeed, became more dear to me as they became +more forlorn; for, during my mother's illness, I discovered the ruined +state of my father's circumstances, and that he had only been able to +keep up appearances, by the sums which he borrowed of my uncle. + +"My father's grief, and consequent tenderness to his children, quickly +abated, the house grew still more gloomy or riotous; and my refuge from +care was again at Mr. Venables'; the young 'squire having taken his +father's place, and allowing, for the present, his sister to preside at +his table. George, though dissatisfied with his portion of the fortune, +which had till lately been all in trade, visited the family as usual. He +was now full of speculations in trade, and his brow became clouded by +care. He seemed to relax in his attention to me, when the presence of my +uncle gave a new turn to his behaviour. I was too unsuspecting, too +disinterested, to trace these changes to their source. + +My home every day became more and more disagreeable to me; my liberty was +unnecessarily abridged, and my books, on the pretext that they made me +idle, taken from me. My father's mistress was with child, and he, doating +on her, allowed or overlooked her vulgar manner of tyrannizing over us. I +was indignant, especially when I saw her endeavouring to attract, shall I +say seduce? my younger brother. By allowing women but one way of rising +in the world, the fostering the libertinism of men, society makes +monsters of them, and then their ignoble vices are brought forward as a +proof of inferiority of intellect. + +The wearisomeness of my situation can scarcely be described. Though my +life had not passed in the most even tenour with my mother, it was +paradise to that I was destined to endure with my father's mistress, +jealous of her illegitimate authority. My father's former occasional +tenderness, in spite of his violence of temper, had been soothing to me; +but now he only met me with reproofs or portentous frowns. The +house-keeper, as she was now termed, was the vulgar despot of the family; +and assuming the new character of a fine lady, she could never forgive +the contempt which was sometimes visible in my countenance, when she +uttered with pomposity her bad English, or affected to be well bred. + +To my uncle I ventured to open my heart; and he, with his wonted +benevolence, began to consider in what manner he could extricate me out +of my present irksome situation. In spite of his own disappointment, or, +most probably, actuated by the feelings that had been petrified, not +cooled, in all their sanguine fervour, like a boiling torrent of lava +suddenly dashing into the sea, he thought a marriage of mutual +inclination (would envious stars permit it) the only chance for happiness +in this disastrous world. George Venables had the reputation of being +attentive to business, and my father's example gave great weight to this +circumstance; for habits of order in business would, he conceived, extend +to the regulation of the affections in domestic life. George seldom spoke +in my uncle's company, except to utter a short, judicious question, or to +make a pertinent remark, with all due deference to his superior judgment; +so that my uncle seldom left his company without observing, that the +young man had more in him than people supposed. + +In this opinion he was not singular; yet, believe me, and I am not swayed +by resentment, these speeches so justly poized, this silent deference, +when the animal spirits of other young people were throwing off youthful +ebullitions, were not the effect of thought or humility, but sheer +barrenness of mind, and want of imagination. A colt of mettle will curvet +and shew his paces. Yes; my dear girl, these prudent young men want all +the fire necessary to ferment their faculties, and are characterized as +wise, only because they are not foolish. It is true, that George was by +no means so great a favourite of mine as during the first year of our +acquaintance; still, as he often coincided in opinion with me, and echoed +my sentiments; and having myself no other attachment, I heard with +pleasure my uncle's proposal; but thought more of obtaining my freedom, +than of my lover. But, when George, seemingly anxious for my happiness, +pressed me to quit my present painful situation, my heart swelled with +gratitude--I knew not that my uncle had promised him five thousand +pounds. + +Had this truly generous man mentioned his intention to me, I should have +insisted on a thousand pounds being settled on each of my sisters; George +would have contested; I should have seen his selfish soul; and--gracious +God! have been spared the misery of discovering, when too late, that I +was united to a heartless, unprincipled wretch. All my schemes of +usefulness would not then have been blasted. The tenderness of my heart +would not have heated my imagination with visions of the ineffable +delight of happy love; nor would the sweet duty of a mother have been so +cruelly interrupted. + +But I must not suffer the fortitude I have so hardly acquired, to be +undermined by unavailing regret. Let me hasten forward to describe the +turbid stream in which I had to wade--but let me exultingly declare that +it is passed--my soul holds fellowship with him no more. He cut the +Gordian knot, which my principles, mistaken ones, respected; he dissolved +the tie, the fetters rather, that ate into my very vitals--and I should +rejoice, conscious that my mind is freed, though confined in hell itself; +the only place that even fancy can imagine more dreadful than my present +abode. + +These varying emotions will not allow me to proceed. I heave sigh after +sigh; yet my heart is still oppressed. For what am I reserved? Why was I +not born a man, or why was I born at all? + + +END OF VOL. I. + + + + +POSTHUMOUS WORKS + +OF + +MARY WOLLSTONECRAFT GODWIN. + +VOL. II. + + +POSTHUMOUS WORKS + +OF THE + +AUTHOR + +OF A + +VINDICATION OF THE RIGHTS OF WOMAN. + +IN FOUR VOLUMES. + + * * * * * + +VOL. II. + + * * * * * + +_LONDON:_ + +PRINTED FOR J. JOHNSON, NO. 72, ST. PAUL'S + CHURCH-YARD; AND G. G. AND J. ROBINSON, + PATERNOSTER-ROW. + 1798. + + + +THE + +WRONGS OF WOMAN: + +OR, + +MARIA. + +A FRAGMENT. + +IN TWO VOLUMES. + + +VOL. II. + + + + +_WRONGS_ + +OF + +WOMAN. + + + + +CHAP. IX. + + +"I RESUME my pen to fly from thought. I was married; and we hastened to +London. I had purposed taking one of my sisters with me; for a strong +motive for marrying, was the desire of having a home at which I could +receive them, now their own grew so uncomfortable, as not to deserve the +cheering appellation. An objection was made to her accompanying me, that +appeared plausible; and I reluctantly acquiesced. I was however willingly +allowed to take with me Molly, poor Peggy's daughter. London and +preferment, are ideas commonly associated in the country; and, as +blooming as May, she bade adieu to Peggy with weeping eyes. I did not +even feel hurt at the refusal in relation to my sister, till hearing what +my uncle had done for me, I had the simplicity to request, speaking with +warmth of their situation, that he would give them a thousand pounds +a-piece, which seemed to me but justice. He asked me, giving me a kiss, +'If I had lost my senses?' I started back, as if I had found a wasp in a +rose-bush. I expostulated. He sneered; and the demon of discord entered +our paradise, to poison with his pestiferous breath every opening joy. + +"I had sometimes observed defects in my husband's understanding; but, led +astray by a prevailing opinion, that goodness of disposition is of the +first importance in the relative situations of life, in proportion as I +perceived the narrowness of his understanding, fancy enlarged the +boundary of his heart. Fatal error! How quickly is the so much vaunted +milkiness of nature turned into gall, by an intercourse with the world, +if more generous juices do not sustain the vital source of virtue! + +"One trait in my character was extreme credulity; but, when my eyes were +once opened, I saw but too clearly all I had before overlooked. My +husband was sunk in my esteem; still there are youthful emotions, which, +for a while, fill up the chasm of love and friendship. Besides, it +required some time to enable me to see his whole character in a just +light, or rather to allow it to become fixed. While circumstances were +ripening my faculties, and cultivating my taste, commerce and gross +relaxations were shutting his against any possibility of improvement, +till, by stifling every spark of virtue in himself, he began to imagine +that it no where existed. + +"Do not let me lead you astray, my child, I do not mean to assert, that +any human being is entirely incapable of feeling the generous emotions, +which are the foundation of every true principle of virtue; but they are +frequently, I fear, so feeble, that, like the inflammable quality which +more or less lurks in all bodies, they often lie for ever dormant; the +circumstances never occurring, necessary to call them into action. + +"I discovered however by chance, that, in consequence of some losses in +trade, the natural effect of his gambling desire to start suddenly into +riches, the five thousand pounds given me by my uncle, had been paid very +opportunely. This discovery, strange as you may think the assertion, gave +me pleasure; my husband's embarrassments endeared him to me. I was glad +to find an excuse for his conduct to my sisters, and my mind became +calmer. + +"My uncle introduced me to some literary society; and the theatres were a +never-failing source of amusement to me. My delighted eye followed Mrs. +Siddons, when, with dignified delicacy, she played Calista; and I +involuntarily repeated after her, in the same tone, and with a +long-drawn sigh, + + 'Hearts like our's were pair'd--not match'd.' + +"These were, at first, spontaneous emotions, though, becoming acquainted +with men of wit and polished manners, I could not sometimes help +regretting my early marriage; and that, in my haste to escape from a +temporary dependence, and expand my newly fledged wings, in an unknown +sky, I had been caught in a trap, and caged for life. Still the novelty +of London, and the attentive fondness of my husband, for he had some +personal regard for me, made several months glide away. Yet, not +forgetting the situation of my sisters, who were still very young, I +prevailed on my uncle to settle a thousand pounds on each; and to place +them in a school near town, where I could frequently visit, as well as +have them at home with me. + +"I now tried to improve my husband's taste, but we had few subjects in +common; indeed he soon appeared to have little relish for my society, +unless he was hinting to me the use he could make of my uncle's wealth. +When we had company, I was disgusted by an ostentatious display of +riches, and I have often quitted the room, to avoid listening to +exaggerated tales of money obtained by lucky hits. + +"With all my attention and affectionate interest, I perceived that I +could not become the friend or confident of my husband. Every thing I +learned relative to his affairs I gathered up by accident; and I vainly +endeavoured to establish, at our fire-side, that social converse, which +often renders people of different characters dear to each other. +Returning from the theatre, or any amusing party, I frequently began to +relate what I had seen and highly relished; but with sullen taciturnity +he soon silenced me. I seemed therefore gradually to lose, in his +society, the soul, the energies of which had just been in action. To such +a degree, in fact, did his cold, reserved manner affect me, that, after +spending some days with him alone, I have imagined myself the most stupid +creature in the world, till the abilities of some casual visitor +convinced me that I had some dormant animation, and sentiments above the +dust in which I had been groveling. The very countenance of my husband +changed; his complexion became sallow, and all the charms of youth were +vanishing with its vivacity. + +"I give you one view of the subject; but these experiments and +alterations took up the space of five years; during which period, I had +most reluctantly extorted several sums from my uncle, to save my husband, +to use his own words, from destruction. At first it was to prevent bills +being noted, to the injury of his credit; then to bail him; and +afterwards to prevent an execution from entering the house. I began at +last to conclude, that he would have made more exertions of his own to +extricate himself, had he not relied on mine, cruel as was the task he +imposed on me; and I firmly determined that I would make use of no more +pretexts. + +"From the moment I pronounced this determination, indifference on his +part was changed into rudeness, or something worse. + +"He now seldom dined at home, and continually returned at a late hour, +drunk, to bed. I retired to another apartment; I was glad, I own, to +escape from his; for personal intimacy without affection, seemed, to me +the most degrading, as well as the most painful state in which a woman of +any taste, not to speak of the peculiar delicacy of fostered sensibility, +could be placed. But my husband's fondness for women was of the grossest +kind, and imagination was so wholly out of the question, as to render his +indulgences of this sort entirely promiscuous, and of the most brutal +nature. My health suffered, before my heart was entirely estranged by the +loathsome information; could I then have returned to his sullied arms, +but as a victim to the prejudices of mankind, who have made women the +property of their husbands? I discovered even, by his conversation, when +intoxicated, that his favourites were wantons of the lowest class, who +could by their vulgar, indecent mirth, which he called nature, rouse his +sluggish spirits. Meretricious ornaments and manners were necessary to +attract his attention. He seldom looked twice at a modest woman, and sat +silent in their company; and the charms of youth and beauty had not the +slightest effect on his senses, unless the possessors were initiated in +vice. His intimacy with profligate women, and his habits of thinking, +gave him a contempt for female endowments; and he would repeat, when +wine had loosed his tongue, most of the common-place sarcasms levelled at +them, by men who do not allow them to have minds, because mind would be +an impediment to gross enjoyment. Men who are inferior to their fellow +men, are always most anxious to establish their superiority over women. +But where are these reflections leading me? + +"Women who have lost their husband's affection, are justly reproved for +neglecting their persons, and not taking the same pains to keep, as to +gain a heart; but who thinks of giving the same advice to men, though +women are continually stigmatized for being attached to fops; and from +the nature of their education, are more susceptible of disgust? Yet why a +woman should be expected to endure a sloven, with more patience than a +man, and magnanimously to govern herself, I cannot conceive; unless it be +supposed arrogant in her to look for respect as well as a maintenance. It +is not easy to be pleased, because, after promising to love, in different +circumstances, we are told that it is our duty. I cannot, I am sure +(though, when attending the sick, I never felt disgust) forget my own +sensations, when rising with health and spirit, and after scenting the +sweet morning, I have met my husband at the breakfast table. The active +attention I had been giving to domestic regulations, which were generally +settled before he rose, or a walk, gave a glow to my countenance, that +contrasted with his squallid appearance. The squeamishness of stomach +alone, produced by the last night's intemperance, which he took no pains +to conceal, destroyed my appetite. I think I now see him lolling in an +arm-chair, in a dirty powdering gown, soiled linen, ungartered stockings, +and tangled hair, yawning and stretching himself. The newspaper was +immediately called for, if not brought in on the tea-board, from which he +would scarcely lift his eyes while I poured out the tea, excepting to ask +for some brandy to put into it, or to declare that he could not eat. In +answer to any question, in his best humour, it was a drawling 'What do +you say, child?' But if I demanded money for the house expences, which I +put off till the last moment, his customary reply, often prefaced with an +oath, was, 'Do you think me, madam, made of money?'--The butcher, the +baker, must wait; and, what was worse, I was often obliged to witness +his surly dismission of tradesmen, who were in want of their money, and +whom I sometimes paid with the presents my uncle gave me for my own use. + +"At this juncture my father's mistress, by terrifying his conscience, +prevailed on him to marry her; he was already become a methodist; and my +brother, who now practised for himself, had discovered a flaw in the +settlement made on my mother's children, which set it aside, and he +allowed my father, whose distress made him submit to any thing, a tithe +of his own, or rather our fortune. + +"My sisters had left school, but were unable to endure home, which my +father's wife rendered as disagreeable as possible, to get rid of girls +whom she regarded as spies on her conduct. They were accomplished, yet +you can (may you never be reduced to the same destitute state!) scarcely +conceive the trouble I had to place them in the situation of governesses, +the only one in which even a well-educated woman, with more than ordinary +talents, can struggle for a subsistence; and even this is a dependence +next to menial. Is it then surprising, that so many forlorn women, with +human passions and feelings, take refuge in infamy? Alone in large +mansions, I say alone, because they had no companions with whom they +could converse on equal terms, or from whom they could expect the +endearments of affection, they grew melancholy, and the sound of joy made +them sad; and the youngest, having a more delicate frame, fell into a +decline. It was with great difficulty that I, who now almost supported +the house by loans from my uncle, could prevail on the _master_ of it, to +allow her a room to die in. I watched her sick bed for some months, and +then closed her eyes, gentle spirit! for ever. She was pretty, with very +engaging manners; yet had never an opportunity to marry, excepting to a +very old man. She had abilities sufficient to have shone in any +profession, had there been any professions for women, though she shrunk +at the name of milliner or mantua-maker as degrading to a gentlewoman. I +would not term this feeling false pride to any one but you, my child, +whom I fondly hope to see (yes; I will indulge the hope for a moment!) +possessed of that energy of character which gives dignity to any station; +and with that clear, firm spirit that will enable you to choose a +situation for yourself, or submit to be classed in the lowest, if it be +the only one in which you can be the mistress of your own actions. + +"Soon after the death of my sister, an incident occurred, to prove to me +that the heart of a libertine is dead to natural affection; and to +convince me, that the being who has appeared all tenderness, to gratify a +selfish passion, is as regardless of the innocent fruit of it, as of the +object, when the fit is over. I had casually observed an old, +mean-looking woman, who called on my husband every two or three months to +receive some money. One day entering the passage of his little +counting-house, as she was going out, I heard her say, 'The child is very +weak; she cannot live long, she will soon die out of your way, so you +need not grudge her a little physic.' + +"'So much the better,' he replied, 'and pray mind your own business, good +woman.' + +"I was struck by his unfeeling, inhuman tone of voice, and drew back, +determined when the woman came again, to try to speak to her, not out of +curiosity, I had heard enough, but with the hope of being useful to a +poor, outcast girl. + +"A month or two elapsed before I saw this woman again; and then she had a +child in her hand that tottered along, scarcely able to sustain her own +weight. They were going away, to return at the hour Mr. Venables was +expected; he was now from home. I desired the woman to walk into the +parlour. She hesitated, yet obeyed. I assured her that I should not +mention to my husband (the word seemed to weigh on my respiration), that +I had seen her, or his child. The woman stared at me with astonishment; +and I turned my eyes on the squalid object [that accompanied her.] She +could hardly support herself, her complexion was sallow, and her eyes +inflamed, with an indescribable look of cunning, mixed with the wrinkles +produced by the peevishness of pain. + +"'Poor child!' I exclaimed. 'Ah! you may well say poor child,' replied +the woman. 'I brought her here to see whether he would have the heart to +look at her, and not get some advice. I do not know what they deserve who +nursed her. Why, her legs bent under her like a bow when she came to me, +and she has never been well since; but, if they were no better paid than +I am, it is not to be wondered at, sure enough.' + +"On further enquiry I was informed, that this miserable spectacle was the +daughter of a servant, a country girl, who caught Mr. Venables' eye, and +whom he seduced. On his marriage he sent her away, her situation being +too visible. After her delivery, she was thrown on the town; and died in +an hospital within the year. The babe was sent to a parish-nurse, and +afterwards to this woman, who did not seem much better; but what was to +be expected from such a close bargain? She was only paid three shillings +a week for board and washing. + +"The woman begged me to give her some old clothes for the child, assuring +me, that she was almost afraid to ask master for money to buy even a +pair of shoes. + +"I grew sick at heart. And, fearing Mr. Venables might enter, and oblige +me to express my abhorrence, I hastily enquired where she lived, promised +to pay her two shillings a week more, and to call on her in a day or two; +putting a trifle into her hand as a proof of my good intention. + +"If the state of this child affected me, what were my feelings at a +discovery I made respecting Peggy----?[22-A] + +FOOTNOTES: + +[22-A] The manuscript is imperfect here. An episode seems to have been +intended, which was never committed to paper. + +EDITOR. + + + + +CHAP. X. + + +"MY father's situation was now so distressing, that I prevailed on my +uncle to accompany me to visit him; and to lend me his assistance, to +prevent the whole property of the family from becoming the prey of my +brother's rapacity; for, to extricate himself out of present +difficulties, my father was totally regardless of futurity. I took down +with me some presents for my step-mother; it did not require an effort +for me to treat her with civility, or to forget the past. + +"This was the first time I had visited my native village, since my +marriage. But with what different emotions did I return from the busy +world, with a heavy weight of experience benumbing my imagination, to +scenes, that whispered recollections of joy and hope most eloquently to +my heart! The first scent of the wild flowers from the heath, thrilled +through my veins, awakening every sense to pleasure. The icy hand of +despair seemed to be removed from my bosom; and--forgetting my +husband--the nurtured visions of a romantic mind, bursting on me with all +their original wildness and gay exuberance, were again hailed as sweet +realities. I forgot, with equal facility, that I ever felt sorrow, or +knew care in the country; while a transient rainbow stole athwart the +cloudy sky of despondency. The picturesque form of several favourite +trees, and the porches of rude cottages, with their smiling hedges, were +recognized with the gladsome playfulness of childish vivacity. I could +have kissed the chickens that pecked on the common; and longed to pat the +cows, and frolic with the dogs that sported on it. I gazed with delight +on the windmill, and thought it lucky that it should be in motion, at the +moment I passed by; and entering the dear green lane, which led directly +to the village, the sound of the well-known rookery gave that sentimental +tinge to the varying sensations of my active soul, which only served to +heighten the lustre of the luxuriant scenery. But, spying, as I advanced, +the spire, peeping over the withered tops of the aged elms that composed +the rookery, my thoughts flew immediately to the church-yard, and tears +of affection, such was the effect of my imagination, bedewed my mother's +grave! Sorrow gave place to devotional feelings. I wandered through the +church in fancy, as I used sometimes to do on a Saturday evening. I +recollected with what fervour I addressed the God of my youth: and once +more with rapturous love looked above my sorrows to the Father of nature. +I pause--feeling forcibly all the emotions I am describing; and +(reminded, as I register my sorrows, of the sublime calm I have felt, +when in some tremendous solitude, my soul rested on itself, and seemed to +fill the universe) I insensibly breathe soft, hushing every wayward +emotion, as if fearing to sully with a sigh, a contentment so extatic. + +"Having settled my father's affairs, and, by my exertions in his favour, +made my brother my sworn foe, I returned to London. My husband's conduct +was now changed; I had during my absence, received several affectionate, +penitential letters from him; and he seemed on my arrival, to wish by his +behaviour to prove his sincerity. I could not then conceive why he acted +thus; and, when the suspicion darted into my head, that it might arise +from observing my increasing influence with my uncle, I almost despised +myself for imagining that such a degree of debasing selfishness could +exist. + +"He became, unaccountable as was the change, tender and attentive; and, +attacking my weak side, made a confession of his follies, and lamented +the embarrassments in which I, who merited a far different fate, might be +involved. He besought me to aid him with my counsel, praised my +understanding, and appealed to the tenderness of my heart. + +"This conduct only inspired me with compassion. I wished to be his +friend; but love had spread his rosy pinions, and fled far, far away; and +had not (like some exquisite perfumes, the fine spirit of which is +continually mingling with the air) left a fragrance behind, to mark where +he had shook his wings. My husband's renewed caresses then became hateful +to me; his brutality was tolerable, compared to his distasteful fondness. +Still, compassion, and the fear of insulting his supposed feelings, by a +want of sympathy, made me dissemble, and do violence to my delicacy. What +a task! + +"Those who support a system of what I term false refinement, and will +not allow great part of love in the female, as well as male breast, to +spring in some respects involuntarily, may not admit that charms are as +necessary to feed the passion, as virtues to convert the mellowing spirit +into friendship. To such observers I have nothing to say, any more than +to the moralists, who insist that women ought to, and can love their +husbands, because it is their duty. To you, my child, I may add, with a +heart tremblingly alive to your future conduct, some observations, +dictated by my present feelings, on calmly reviewing this period of my +life. When novelists or moralists praise as a virtue, a woman's coldness +of constitution, and want of passion; and make her yield to the ardour of +her lover out of sheer compassion, or to promote a frigid plan of future +comfort, I am disgusted. They may be good women, in the ordinary +acceptation of the phrase, and do no harm; but they appear to me not to +have those 'finely fashioned nerves,' which render the senses exquisite. +They may possess tenderness; but they want that fire of the imagination, +which produces _active_ sensibility, and _positive_ virtue. How does the +woman deserve to be characterized, who marries one man, with a heart and +imagination devoted to another? Is she not an object of pity or contempt, +when thus sacrilegiously violating the purity of her own feelings? Nay, +it is as indelicate, when she is indifferent, unless she be +constitutionally insensible; then indeed it is a mere affair of barter; +and I have nothing to do with the secrets of trade. Yes; eagerly as I +wish you to possess true rectitude of mind, and purity of affection, I +must insist that a heartless conduct is the contrary of virtuous. Truth +is the only basis of virtue; and we cannot, without depraving our minds, +endeavour to please a lover or husband, but in proportion as he pleases +us. Men, more effectually to enslave us, may inculcate this partial +morality, and lose sight of virtue in subdividing it into the duties of +particular stations; but let us not blush for nature without a cause! + +"After these remarks, I am ashamed to own, that I was pregnant. The +greatest sacrifice of my principles in my whole life, was the allowing my +husband again to be familiar with my person, though to this cruel act of +self-denial, when I wished the earth to open and swallow me, you owe your +birth; and I the unutterable pleasure of being a mother. There was +something of delicacy in my husband's bridal attentions; but now his +tainted breath, pimpled face, and blood-shot eyes, were not more +repugnant to my senses, than his gross manners, and loveless familiarity +to my taste. + +"A man would only be expected to maintain; yes, barely grant a +subsistence, to a woman rendered odious by habitual intoxication; but who +would expect him, or think it possible to love her? And unless 'youth, +and genial years were flown,' it would be thought equally unreasonable to +insist, [under penalty of] forfeiting almost every thing reckoned +valuable in life, that he should not love another: whilst woman, weak in +reason, impotent in will, is required to moralize, sentimentalize herself +to stone, and pine her life away, labouring to reform her embruted mate. +He may even spend in dissipation, and intemperance, the very intemperance +which renders him so hateful, her property, and by stinting her expences, +not permit her to beguile in society, a wearisome, joyless life; for over +their mutual fortune she has no power, it must all pass through his hand. +And if she be a mother, and in the present state of women, it is a great +misfortune to be prevented from discharging the duties, and cultivating +the affections of one, what has she not to endure?--But I have suffered +the tenderness of one to lead me into reflections that I did not think of +making, to interrupt my narrative--yet the full heart will overflow. + +"Mr. Venables' embarrassments did not now endear him to me; still, +anxious to befriend him, I endeavoured to prevail on him to retrench his +expences; but he had always some plausible excuse to give, to justify his +not following my advice. Humanity, compassion, and the interest produced +by a habit of living together, made me try to relieve, and sympathize +with him; but, when I recollected that I was bound to live with such a +being for ever--my heart died within me; my desire of improvement became +languid, and baleful, corroding melancholy took possession of my soul. +Marriage had bastilled me for life. I discovered in myself a capacity for +the enjoyment of the various pleasures existence affords; yet, fettered +by the partial laws of society, this fair globe was to me an universal +blank. + +"When I exhorted my husband to economy, I referred to himself. I was +obliged to practise the most rigid, or contract debts, which I had too +much reason to fear would never be paid. I despised this paltry privilege +of a wife, which can only be of use to the vicious or inconsiderate, and +determined not to increase the torrent that was bearing him down. I was +then ignorant of the extent of his fraudulent speculations, whom I was +bound to honour and obey. + +"A woman neglected by her husband, or whose manners form a striking +contrast with his, will always have men on the watch to soothe and +flatter her. Besides, the forlorn state of a neglected woman, not +destitute of personal charms, is particularly interesting, and rouses +that species of pity, which is so near akin, it easily slides into love. +A man of feeling thinks not of seducing, he is himself seduced by all the +noblest emotions of his soul. He figures to himself all the sacrifices a +woman of sensibility must make, and every situation in which his +imagination places her, touches his heart, and fires his passions. +Longing to take to his bosom the shorn lamb, and bid the drooping buds of +hope revive, benevolence changes into passion: and should he then +discover that he is beloved, honour binds him fast, though foreseeing +that he may afterwards be obliged to pay severe damages to the man, who +never appeared to value his wife's society, till he found that there was +a chance of his being indemnified for the loss of it. + +"Such are the partial laws enacted by men; for, only to lay a stress on +the dependent state of a woman in the grand question of the comforts +arising from the possession of property, she is [even in this article] +much more injured by the loss of the husband's affection, than he by that +of his wife; yet where is she, condemned to the solitude of a deserted +home, to look for a compensation from the woman, who seduces him from +her? She cannot drive an unfaithful husband from his house, nor separate, +or tear, his children from him, however culpable he may be; and he, still +the master of his own fate, enjoys the smiles of a world, that would +brand her with infamy, did she, seeking consolation, venture to +retaliate. + +"These remarks are not dictated by experience; but merely by the +compassion I feel for many amiable women, the _out-laws_ of the world. +For myself, never encouraging any of the advances that were made to me, +my lovers dropped off like the untimely shoots of spring. I did not even +coquet with them; because I found, on examining myself, I could not +coquet with a man without loving him a little; and I perceived that I +should not be able to stop at the line of what are termed _innocent +freedoms_, did I suffer any. My reserve was then the consequence of +delicacy. Freedom of conduct has emancipated many women's minds; but my +conduct has most rigidly been governed by my principles, till the +improvement of my understanding has enabled me to discern the fallacy of +prejudices at war with nature and reason. + +"Shortly after the change I have mentioned in my husband's conduct, my +uncle was compelled by his declining health, to seek the succour of a +milder climate, and embark for Lisbon. He left his will in the hands of a +friend, an eminent solicitor; he had previously questioned me relative to +my situation and state of mind, and declared very freely, that he could +place no reliance on the stability of my husband's professions. He had +been deceived in the unfolding of his character; he now thought it fixed +in a train of actions that would inevitably lead to ruin and disgrace. + +"The evening before his departure, which we spent alone together, he +folded me to his heart, uttering the endearing appellation of +'child.'--My more than father! why was I not permitted to perform the +last duties of one, and smooth the pillow of death? He seemed by his +manner to be convinced that he should never see me more; yet requested +me, most earnestly, to come to him, should I be obliged to leave my +husband. He had before expressed his sorrow at hearing of my pregnancy, +having determined to prevail on me to accompany him, till I informed him +of that circumstance. He expressed himself unfeignedly sorry that any new +tie should bind me to a man whom he thought so incapable of estimating my +value; such was the kind language of affection. + +"I must repeat his own words; they made an indelible impression on my +mind: + +"'The marriage state is certainly that in which women, generally +speaking, can be most useful; but I am far from thinking that a woman, +once married, ought to consider the engagement as indissoluble +(especially if there be no children to reward her for sacrificing her +feelings) in case her husband merits neither her love, nor esteem. Esteem +will often supply the place of love; and prevent a woman from being +wretched, though it may not make her happy. The magnitude of a sacrifice +ought always to bear some proportion to the utility in view; and for a +woman to live with a man, for whom she can cherish neither affection nor +esteem, or even be of any use to him, excepting in the light of a +house-keeper, is an abjectness of condition, the enduring of which no +concurrence of circumstances can ever make a duty in the sight of God or +just men. If indeed she submits to it merely to be maintained in +idleness, she has no right to complain bitterly of her fate; or to act, +as a person of independent character might, as if she had a title to +disregard general rules. + +"'But the misfortune is, that many women only submit in appearance, and +forfeit their own respect to secure their reputation in the world. The +situation of a woman separated from her husband, is undoubtedly very +different from that of a man who has left his wife. He, with lordly +dignity, has shaken of a clog; and the allowing her food and raiment, is +thought sufficient to secure his reputation from taint. And, should she +have been inconsiderate, he will be celebrated for his generosity and +forbearance. Such is the respect paid to the master-key of property! A +woman, on the contrary, resigning what is termed her natural protector +(though he never was so, but in name) is despised and shunned, for +asserting the independence of mind distinctive of a rational being, and +spurning at slavery.' + +"During the remainder of the evening, my uncle's tenderness led him +frequently to revert to the subject, and utter, with increasing warmth, +sentiments to the same purport. At length it was necessary to say +'Farewell!'--and we parted--gracious God! to meet no more. + + + + +CHAP. XI. + + +"A GENTLEMAN of large fortune and of polished manners, had lately visited +very frequently at our house, and treated me, if possible, with more +respect than Mr. Venables paid him; my pregnancy was not yet visible, his +society was a great relief to me, as I had for some time past, to avoid +expence, confined myself very much at home. I ever disdained unnecessary, +perhaps even prudent concealments; and my husband, with great ease, +discovered the amount of my uncle's parting present. A copy of a writ was +the stale pretext to extort it from me; and I had soon reason to believe +that it was fabricated for the purpose. I acknowledge my folly in thus +suffering myself to be continually imposed on. I had adhered to my +resolution not to apply to my uncle, on the part of my husband, any more; +yet, when I had received a sum sufficient to supply my own wants, and to +enable me to pursue a plan I had in view, to settle my younger brother in +a respectable employment, I allowed myself to be duped by Mr. Venables' +shallow pretences, and hypocritical professions. + +"Thus did he pillage me and my family, thus frustrate all my plans of +usefulness. Yet this was the man I was bound to respect and esteem: as if +respect and esteem depended on an arbitrary will of our own! But a wife +being as much a man's property as his horse, or his ass, she has nothing +she can call her own. He may use any means to get at what the law +considers as his, the moment his wife is in possession of it, even to the +forcing of a lock, as Mr. Venables did, to search for notes in my +writing-desk--and all this is done with a show of equity, because, +forsooth, he is responsible for her maintenance. + +"The tender mother cannot _lawfully_ snatch from the gripe of the +gambling spendthrift, or beastly drunkard, unmindful of his offspring, +the fortune which falls to her by chance; or (so flagrant is the +injustice) what she earns by her own exertions. No; he can rob her with +impunity, even to waste publicly on a courtezan; and the laws of her +country--if women have a country--afford her no protection or redress +from the oppressor, unless she have the plea of bodily fear; yet how +many ways are there of goading the soul almost to madness, equally +unmanly, though not so mean? When such laws were framed, should not +impartial lawgivers have first decreed, in the style of a great assembly, +who recognized the existence of an _etre supreme_, to fix the national +belief, that the husband should always be wiser and more virtuous than +his wife, in order to entitle him, with a show of justice, to keep this +idiot, or perpetual minor, for ever in bondage. But I must have done--on +this subject, my indignation continually runs away with me. + +"The company of the gentleman I have already mentioned, who had a general +acquaintance with literature and subjects of taste, was grateful to me; +my countenance brightened up as he approached, and I unaffectedly +expressed the pleasure I felt. The amusement his conversation afforded +me, made it easy to comply with my husband's request, to endeavour to +render our house agreeable to him. + +"His attentions became more pointed; but, as I was not of the number of +women, whose virtue, as it is termed, immediately takes alarm, I +endeavoured, rather by raillery than serious expostulation, to give a +different turn to his conversation. He assumed a new mode of attack, and +I was, for a while, the dupe of his pretended friendship. + +"I had, merely in the style of _badinage_, boasted of my conquest, and +repeated his lover-like compliments to my husband. But he begged me, for +God's sake, not to affront his friend, or I should destroy all his +projects, and be his ruin. Had I had more affection for my husband, I +should have expressed my contempt of this time-serving politeness: now I +imagined that I only felt pity; yet it would have puzzled a casuist to +point out in what the exact difference consisted. + +"This friend began now, in confidence, to discover to me the real state +of my husband's affairs. 'Necessity,' said Mr. S----; why should I reveal +his name? for he affected to palliate the conduct he could not excuse, +'had led him to take such steps, by accommodation bills, buying goods on +credit, to sell them for ready money, and similar transactions, that his +character in the commercial world was gone. He was considered,' he added, +lowering his voice, 'on 'Change as a swindler.' + +"I felt at that moment the first maternal pang. Aware of the evils my sex +have to struggle with, I still wished, for my own consolation, to be the +mother of a daughter; and I could not bear to think, that the _sins_ of +her father's entailed disgrace, should be added to the ills to which +woman is heir. + +"So completely was I deceived by these shows of friendship (nay, I +believe, according to his interpretation, Mr. S--really was my friend) +that I began to consult him respecting the best mode of retrieving my +husband's character: it is the good name of a woman only that sets to +rise no more. I knew not that he had been drawn into a whirlpool, out of +which he had not the energy to attempt to escape. He seemed indeed +destitute of the power of employing his faculties in any regular +pursuit. His principles of action were so loose, and his mind so +uncultivated, that every thing like order appeared to him in the shape of +restraint; and, like men in the savage state, he required the strong +stimulus of hope or fear, produced by wild speculations, in which the +interests of others went for nothing, to keep his spirits awake. He one +time possessed patriotism, but he knew not what it was to feel honest +indignation; and pretended to be an advocate for liberty, when, with as +little affection for the human race as for individuals, he thought of +nothing but his own gratification. He was just such a citizen, as a +father. The sums he adroitly obtained by a violation of the laws of his +country, as well as those of humanity, he would allow a mistress to +squander; though she was, with the same _sang froid_, consigned, as were +his children, to poverty, when another proved more attractive. + +"On various pretences, his friend continued to visit me; and, observing +my want of money, he tried to induce me to accept of pecuniary aid; but +this offer I absolutely rejected, though it was made with such delicacy, +I could not be displeased. + +"One day he came, as I thought accidentally, to dinner. My husband was +very much engaged in business, and quitted the room soon after the cloth +was removed. We conversed as usual, till confidential advice led again to +love. I was extremely mortified. I had a sincere regard for him, and +hoped that he had an equal friendship for me. I therefore began mildly to +expostulate with him. This gentleness he mistook for coy encouragement; +and he would not be diverted from the subject. Perceiving his mistake, I +seriously asked him how, using such language to me, he could profess to +be my husband's friend? A significant sneer excited my curiosity, and he, +supposing this to be my only scruple, took a letter deliberately out of +his pocket, saying, 'Your husband's honour is not inflexible. How could +you, with your discernment, think it so? Why, he left the room this very +day on purpose to give me an opportunity to explain myself; _he_ thought +me too timid--too tardy.' + +"I snatched the letter with indescribable emotion. The purport of it was +to invite him to dinner, and to ridicule his chivalrous respect for me. +He assured him, 'that every woman had her price, and, with gross +indecency, hinted, that he should be glad to have the duty of a husband +taken off his hands. These he termed _liberal sentiments_. He advised him +not to shock my romantic notions, but to attack my credulous generosity, +and weak pity; and concluded with requesting him to lend him five hundred +pounds for a month or six weeks.' I read this letter twice over; and the +firm purpose it inspired, calmed the rising tumult of my soul. I rose +deliberately, requested Mr. S---- to wait a moment, and instantly going +into the counting-house, desired Mr. Venables to return with me to the +dining-parlour. + +"He laid down his pen, and entered with me, without observing any change +in my countenance. I shut the door, and, giving him the letter, simply +asked, 'whether he wrote it, or was it a forgery?' + +"Nothing could equal his confusion. His friend's eye met his, and he +muttered something about a joke--But I interrupted him--'It is +sufficient--We part for ever.' + +"I continued, with solemnity, 'I have borne with your tyranny and +infidelities. I disdain to utter what I have borne with. I thought you +unprincipled, but not so decidedly vicious. I formed a tie, in the sight +of heaven--I have held it sacred; even when men, more conformable to my +taste, have made me feel--I despise all subterfuge!--that I was not dead +to love. Neglected by you, I have resolutely stifled the enticing +emotions, and respected the plighted faith you outraged. And you dare now +to insult me, by selling me to prostitution!--Yes--equally lost to +delicacy and principle--you dared sacrilegiously to barter the honour of +the mother of your child.' + +"Then, turning to Mr. S----, I added, 'I call on you, Sir, to witness,' +and I lifted my hands and eyes to heaven, 'that, as solemnly as I took +his name, I now abjure it,' I pulled off my ring, and put it on the +table; 'and that I mean immediately to quit his house, never to enter it +more. I will provide for myself and child. I leave him as free as I am +determined to be myself--he shall be answerable for no debts of mine.' + +"Astonishment closed their lips, till Mr. Venables, gently pushing his +friend, with a forced smile, out of the room, nature for a moment +prevailed, and, appearing like himself, he turned round, burning with +rage, to me: but there was no terror in the frown, excepting when +contrasted with the malignant smile which preceded it. He bade me 'leave +the house at my peril; told me he despised my threats; I had no resource; +I could not swear the peace against him!--I was not afraid of my +life!--he had never struck me!' + +"He threw the letter in the fire, which I had incautiously left in his +hands; and, quitting the room, locked the door on me. + +"When left alone, I was a moment or two before I could recollect myself. +One scene had succeeded another with such rapidity, I almost doubted +whether I was reflecting on a real event. 'Was it possible? Was I, +indeed, free?'--Yes; free I termed myself, when I decidedly perceived +the conduct I ought to adopt. How had I panted for liberty--liberty, that +I would have purchased at any price, but that of my own esteem! I rose, +and shook myself; opened the window, and methought the air never smelled +so sweet. The face of heaven grew fairer as I viewed it, and the clouds +seemed to flit away obedient to my wishes, to give my soul room to +expand. I was all soul, and (wild as it may appear) felt as if I could +have dissolved in the soft balmy gale that kissed my cheek, or have +glided below the horizon on the glowing, descending beams. A seraphic +satisfaction animated, without agitating my spirits; and my imagination +collected, in visions sublimely terrible, or soothingly beautiful, an +immense variety of the endless images, which nature affords, and fancy +combines, of the grand and fair. The lustre of these bright picturesque +sketches faded with the setting sun; but I was still alive to the calm +delight they had diffused through my heart. + +"There may be advocates for matrimonial obedience, who, making a +distinction between the duty of a wife and of a human being, may blame my +conduct.--To them I write not--my feelings are not for them to analyze; +and may you, my child, never be able to ascertain, by heart-rending +experience, what your mother felt before the present emancipation of her +mind! + +"I began to write a letter to my father, after closing one to my uncle; +not to ask advice, but to signify my determination; when I was +interrupted by the entrance of Mr. Venables. His manner was changed. His +views on my uncle's fortune made him averse to my quitting his house, or +he would, I am convinced, have been glad to have shaken off even the +slight restraint my presence imposed on him; the restraint of showing me +some respect. So far from having an affection for me, he really hated me, +because he was convinced that I must despise him. + +"He told me, that, 'As I now had had time to cool and reflect, he did not +doubt but that my prudence, and nice sense of propriety, would lead me to +overlook what was passed.' + +"'Reflection,' I replied, 'had only confirmed my purpose, and no power on +earth could divert me from it.' + +"Endeavouring to assume a soothing voice and look, when he would +willingly have tortured me, to force me to feel his power, his +countenance had an infernal expression, when he desired me, 'Not to +expose myself to the servants, by obliging him to confine me in my +apartment; if then I would give my promise not to quit the house +precipitately, I should be free--and--.' I declared, interrupting him, +'that I would promise nothing. I had no measures to keep with him--I was +resolved, and would not condescend to subterfuge.' + +"He muttered, 'that I should soon repent of these preposterous airs;' +and, ordering tea to be carried into my little study, which had a +communication with my bed-chamber, he once more locked the door upon me, +and left me to my own meditations. I had passively followed him up +stairs, not wishing to fatigue myself with unavailing exertion. + +"Nothing calms the mind like a fixed purpose. I felt as if I had heaved +a thousand weight from my heart; the atmosphere seemed lightened; and, if +I execrated the institutions of society, which thus enable men to +tyrannize over women, it was almost a disinterested sentiment. I +disregarded present inconveniences, when my mind had done struggling with +itself,--when reason and inclination had shaken hands and were at peace. +I had no longer the cruel task before me, in endless perspective, aye, +during the tedious for ever of life, of labouring to overcome my +repugnance--of labouring to extinguish the hopes, the maybes of a lively +imagination. Death I had hailed as my only chance for deliverance; but, +while existence had still so many charms, and life promised happiness, I +shrunk from the icy arms of an unknown tyrant, though far more inviting +than those of the man, to whom I supposed myself bound without any other +alternative; and was content to linger a little longer, waiting for I +knew not what, rather than leave 'the warm precincts of the cheerful +day,' and all the unenjoyed affection of my nature. + +"My present situation gave a new turn to my reflection; and I wondered +(now the film seemed to be withdrawn, that obscured the piercing sight of +reason) how I could, previously to the deciding outrage, have considered +myself as everlastingly united to vice and folly? 'Had an evil genius +cast a spell at my birth; or a demon stalked out of chaos, to perplex my +understanding, and enchain my will, with delusive prejudices?' + +"I pursued this train of thinking; it led me out of myself, to expatiate +on the misery peculiar to my sex. 'Are not,' I thought, 'the despots for +ever stigmatized, who, in the wantonness of power, commanded even the +most atrocious criminals to be chained to dead bodies? though surely +those laws are much more inhuman, which forge adamantine fetters to bind +minds together, that never can mingle in social communion! What indeed +can equal the wretchedness of that state, in which there is no +alternative, but to extinguish the affections, or encounter infamy?' + + + + +CHAP. XII. + + +"TOWARDS midnight Mr. Venables entered my chamber; and, with calm +audacity preparing to go to bed, he bade me make haste, 'for that was the +best place for husbands and wives to end their differences. He had been +drinking plentifully to aid his courage. + +"I did not at first deign to reply. But perceiving that he affected to +take my silence for consent, I told him that, 'If he would not go to +another bed, or allow me, I should sit up in my study all night.' He +attempted to pull me into the chamber, half joking. But I resisted; and, +as he had determined not to give me any reason for saying that he used +violence, after a few more efforts, he retired, cursing my obstinacy, to +bed. + +"I sat musing some time longer; then, throwing my cloak around me, +prepared for sleep on a sopha. And, so fortunate seemed my deliverance, +so sacred the pleasure of being thus wrapped up in myself, that I slept +profoundly, and woke with a mind composed to encounter the struggles of +the day. Mr. Venables did not wake till some hours after; and then he +came to me half-dressed, yawning and stretching, with haggard eyes, as if +he scarcely recollected what had passed the preceding evening. He fixed +his eyes on me for a moment, then, calling me a fool, asked 'How long I +intended to continue this pretty farce? For his part, he was devilish +sick of it; but this was the plague of marrying women who pretended to +know something.' + +"I made no other reply to this harangue, than to say, 'That he ought to +be glad to get rid of a woman so unfit to be his companion--and that any +change in my conduct would be mean dissimulation; for maturer reflection +only gave the sacred seal of reason to my first resolution.' + +"He looked as if he could have stamped with impatience, at being obliged +to stifle his rage; but, conquering his anger (for weak people, whose +passions seem the most ungovernable, restrain them with the greatest +ease, when they have a sufficient motive), he exclaimed, 'Very pretty, +upon my soul! very pretty, theatrical flourishes! Pray, fair Roxana, +stoop from your altitudes, and remember that you are acting a part in +real life.' + +"He uttered this speech with a self-satisfied air, and went down stairs +to dress. + +"In about an hour he came to me again; and in the same tone said, 'That +he came as my gentleman-usher to hand me down to breakfast. + +"'Of the black rod?' asked I. + +"This question, and the tone in which I asked it, a little disconcerted +him. To say the truth, I now felt no resentment; my firm resolution to +free myself from my ignoble thraldom, had absorbed the various emotions +which, during six years, had racked my soul. The duty pointed out by my +principles seemed clear; and not one tender feeling intruded to make me +swerve: The dislike which my husband had inspired was strong; but it only +led me to wish to avoid, to wish to let him drop out of my memory; there +was no misery, no torture that I would not deliberately have chosen, +rather than renew my lease of servitude. + +"During the breakfast, he attempted to reason with me on the folly of +romantic sentiments; for this was the indiscriminate epithet he gave to +every mode of conduct or thinking superior to his own. He asserted, 'that +all the world were governed by their own interest; those who pretended to +be actuated by different motives, were only deeper knaves, or fools +crazed by books, who took for gospel all the rodomantade nonsense written +by men who knew nothing of the world. For his part, he thanked God, he +was no hypocrite; and, if he stretched a point sometimes, it was always +with an intention of paying every man his own.' + +"He then artfully insinuated, 'that he daily expected a vessel to +arrive, a successful speculation, that would make him easy for the +present, and that he had several other schemes actually depending, that +could not fail. He had no doubt of becoming rich in a few years, though +he had been thrown back by some unlucky adventures at the setting out.' + +"I mildly replied, 'That I wished he might not involve himself still +deeper.' + +"He had no notion that I was governed by a decision of judgment, not to +be compared with a mere spurt of resentment. He knew not what it was to +feel indignation against vice, and often boasted of his placable temper, +and readiness to forgive injuries. True; for he only considered the being +deceived, as an effort of skill he had not guarded against; and then, +with a cant of candour, would observe, 'that he did not know how he +might himself have been tempted to act in the same circumstances.' And, +as his heart never opened to friendship, it never was wounded by +disappointment. Every new acquaintance he protested, it is true, was 'the +cleverest fellow in the world;' and he really thought so; till the +novelty of his conversation or manners ceased to have any effect on his +sluggish spirits. His respect for rank or fortune was more permanent, +though he chanced to have no design of availing himself of the influence +of either to promote his own views. + +"After a prefatory conversation,--my blood (I thought it had been cooler) +flushed over my whole countenance as he spoke--he alluded to my +situation. He desired me to reflect--'and act like a prudent woman, as +the best proof of my superior understanding; for he must own I had sense, +did I know how to use it. I was not,' he laid a stress on his words, +'without my passions; and a husband was a convenient cloke.--He was +liberal in his way of thinking; and why might not we, like many other +married people, who were above vulgar prejudices, tacitly consent to let +each other follow their own inclination?--He meant nothing more, in the +letter I made the ground of complaint; and the pleasure which I seemed to +take in Mr. S.'s company, led him to conclude, that he was not +disagreeable to me.' + +"A clerk brought in the letters of the day, and I, as I often did, while +he was discussing subjects of business, went to the _piano forte_, and +began to play a favourite air to restore myself, as it were, to nature, +and drive the sophisticated sentiments I had just been obliged to listen +to, out of my soul. + +"They had excited sensations similar to those I have felt, in viewing the +squalid inhabitants of some of the lanes and back streets of the +metropolis, mortified at being compelled to consider them as my +fellow-creatures, as if an ape had claimed kindred with me. Or, as when +surrounded by a mephitical fog, I have wished to have a volley of cannon +fired, to clear the incumbered atmosphere, and give me room to breathe +and move. + +"My spirits were all in arms, and I played a kind of extemporary prelude. +The cadence was probably wild and impassioned, while, lost in thought, I +made the sounds a kind of echo to my train of thinking. + +"Pausing for a moment, I met Mr. Venables' eyes. He was observing me with +an air of conceited satisfaction, as much as to say--'My last insinuation +has done the business--she begins to know her own interest.' Then +gathering up his letters, he said, 'That he hoped he should hear no more +romantic stuff, well enough in a miss just come from boarding school;' +and went, as was his custom, to the counting-house. I still continued +playing; and, turning to a sprightly lesson, I executed it with uncommon +vivacity. I heard footsteps approach the door, and was soon convinced +that Mr. Venables was listening; the consciousness only gave more +animation to my fingers. He went down into the kitchen, and the cook, +probably by his desire, came to me, to know what I would please to order +for dinner. Mr. Venables came into the parlour again, with apparent +carelessness. I perceived that the cunning man was over-reaching himself; +and I gave my directions as usual, and left the room. + +"While I was making some alteration in my dress, Mr. Venables peeped in, +and, begging my pardon for interrupting me, disappeared. I took up some +work (I could not read), and two or three messages were sent to me, +probably for no other purpose, but to enable Mr. Venables to ascertain +what I was about. + +"I listened whenever I heard the street-door open; at last I imagined I +could distinguish Mr. Venables' step, going out. I laid aside my work; +my heart palpitated; still I was afraid hastily to enquire; and I waited +a long half hour, before I ventured to ask the boy whether his master was +in the counting-house? + +"Being answered in the negative, I bade him call me a coach, and +collecting a few necessaries hastily together, with a little parcel of +letters and papers which I had collected the preceding evening, I hurried +into it, desiring the coachman to drive to a distant part of the town. + +"I almost feared that the coach would break down before I got out of the +street; and, when I turned the corner, I seemed to breathe a freer air. I +was ready to imagine that I was rising above the thick atmosphere of +earth; or I felt, as wearied souls might be supposed to feel on entering +another state of existence. + +"I stopped at one or two stands of coaches to elude pursuit, and then +drove round the skirts of the town to seek for an obscure lodging, where +I wished to remain concealed, till I could avail myself of my uncle's +protection. I had resolved to assume my own name immediately, and openly +to avow my determination, without any formal vindication, the moment I +had found a home, in which I could rest free from the daily alarm of +expecting to see Mr. Venables enter. + +"I looked at several lodgings; but finding that I could not, without a +reference to some acquaintance, who might inform my tyrant, get +admittance into a decent apartment--men have not all this trouble--I +thought of a woman whom I had assisted to furnish a little haberdasher's +shop, and who I knew had a first floor to let. + +"I went to her, and though I could not persuade her, that the quarrel +between me and Mr. Venables would never be made up, still she agreed to +conceal me for the present; yet assuring me at the same time, shaking her +head, that, when a woman was once married, she must bear every thing. Her +pale face, on which appeared a thousand haggard lines and delving +wrinkles, produced by what is emphatically termed fretting, inforced her +remark; and I had afterwards an opportunity of observing the treatment +she had to endure, which grizzled her into patience. She toiled from +morning till night; yet her husband would rob the till, and take away the +money reserved for paying bills; and, returning home drunk, he would +beat her if she chanced to offend him, though she had a child at the +breast. + +"These scenes awoke me at night; and, in the morning, I heard her, as +usual, talk to her dear Johnny--he, forsooth, was her master; no slave in +the West Indies had one more despotic; but fortunately she was of the +true Russian breed of wives. + +"My mind, during the few past days, seemed, as it were, disengaged from +my body; but, now the struggle was over, I felt very forcibly the effect +which perturbation of spirits produces on a woman in my situation. + +"The apprehension of a miscarriage, obliged me to confine myself to my +apartment near a fortnight; but I wrote to my uncle's friend for money, +promising 'to call on him, and explain my situation, when I was well +enough to go out; mean time I earnestly intreated him, not to mention my +place of abode to any one, lest my husband--such the law considered +him--should disturb the mind he could not conquer. I mentioned my +intention of setting out for Lisbon, to claim my uncle's protection, the +moment my health would permit.' + +"The tranquillity however, which I was recovering, was soon interrupted. +My landlady came up to me one day, with eyes swollen with weeping, unable +to utter what she was commanded to say. She declared, 'That she was never +so miserable in her life; that she must appear an ungrateful monster; and +that she would readily go down on her knees to me, to intreat me to +forgive her, as she had done to her husband to spare her the cruel task.' +Sobs prevented her from proceeding, or answering my impatient enquiries, +to know what she meant. + +"When she became a little more composed, she took a newspaper out of her +pocket, declaring, 'that her heart smote her, but what could she do?--she +must obey her husband.' I snatched the paper from her. An advertisement +quickly met my eye, purporting, that 'Maria Venables had, without any +assignable cause, absconded from her husband; and any person harbouring +her, was menaced with the utmost severity of the law.' + +"Perfectly acquainted with Mr. Venables' meanness of soul, this step did +not excite my surprise, and scarcely my contempt. Resentment in my +breast, never survived love. I bade the poor woman, in a kind tone, wipe +her eyes, and request her husband to come up, and speak to me himself. + +"My manner awed him. He respected a lady, though not a woman; and began +to mutter out an apology. + +"'Mr. Venables was a rich gentleman; he wished to oblige me, but he had +suffered enough by the law already, to tremble at the thought; besides, +for certain, we should come together again, and then even I should not +thank him for being accessary to keeping us asunder.--A husband and wife +were, God knows, just as one,--and all would come round at last.' He +uttered a drawling 'Hem!' and then with an arch look, added--'Master +might have had his little frolics--but--Lord bless your heart!--men +would be men while the world stands.' + +"To argue with this privileged first-born of reason, I perceived, would +be vain. I therefore only requested him to let me remain another day at +his house, while I sought for a lodging; and not to inform Mr. Venables +that I had ever been sheltered there. + +"He consented, because he had not the courage to refuse a person for whom +he had an habitual respect; but I heard the pent-up choler burst forth in +curses, when he met his wife, who was waiting impatiently at the foot of +the stairs, to know what effect my expostulations would have on him. + +"Without wasting any time in the fruitless indulgence of vexation, I once +more set out in search of an abode in which I could hide myself for a +few weeks. + +"Agreeing to pay an exorbitant price, I hired an apartment, without any +reference being required relative to my character: indeed, a glance at my +shape seemed to say, that my motive for concealment was sufficiently +obvious. Thus was I obliged to shroud my head in infamy. + +"To avoid all danger of detection--I use the appropriate word, my child, +for I was hunted out like a felon--I determined to take possession of my +new lodgings that very evening. + +"I did not inform my landlady where I was going. I knew that she had a +sincere affection for me, and would willingly have run any risk to show +her gratitude; yet I was fully convinced, that a few kind words from +Johnny would have found the woman in her, and her dear benefactress, as +she termed me in an agony of tears, would have been sacrificed, to +recompense her tyrant for condescending to treat her like an equal. He +could be kind-hearted, as she expressed it, when he pleased. And this +thawed sternness, contrasted with his habitual brutality, was the more +acceptable, and could not be purchased at too dear a rate. + +"The sight of the advertisement made me desirous of taking refuge with my +uncle, let what would be the consequence; and I repaired in a hackney +coach (afraid of meeting some person who might chance to know me, had I +walked) to the chambers of my uncle's friend. + +"He received me with great politeness (my uncle had already prepossessed +him in my favour), and listened, with interest, to my explanation of the +motives which had induced me to fly from home, and skulk in obscurity, +with all the timidity of fear that ought only to be the companion of +guilt. He lamented, with rather more gallantry than, in my situation, I +thought delicate, that such a woman should be thrown away on a man +insensible to the charms of beauty or grace. He seemed at a loss what to +advise me to do, to evade my husband's search, without hastening to my +uncle, whom, he hesitating said, I might not find alive. He uttered this +intelligence with visible regret; requested me, at least, to wait for the +arrival of the next packet; offered me what money I wanted, and promised +to visit me. + +"He kept his word; still no letter arrived to put an end to my painful +state of suspense. I procured some books and music, to beguile the +tedious solitary days. + + 'Come, ever smiling Liberty, + 'And with thee bring thy jocund train:' + +I sung--and sung till, saddened by the strain of joy, I bitterly lamented +the fate that deprived me of all social pleasure. Comparative liberty +indeed I had possessed myself of; but the jocund train lagged far +behind! + + + + +CHAP. XIII. + + +"BY watching my only visitor, my uncle's friend, or by some other means, +Mr. Venables discovered my residence, and came to enquire for me. The +maid-servant assured him there was no such person in the house. A bustle +ensued--I caught the alarm--listened--distinguished his voice, and +immediately locked the door. They suddenly grew still; and I waited near +a quarter of an hour, before I heard him open the parlour door, and mount +the stairs with the mistress of the house, who obsequiously declared that +she knew nothing of me. + +"Finding my door locked, she requested me to 'open it, and prepare to go +home with my husband, poor gentleman! to whom I had already occasioned +sufficient vexation.' I made no reply. Mr. Venables then, in an assumed +tone of softness, intreated me, 'to consider what he suffered, and my own +reputation, and get the better of childish resentment.' He ran on in the +same strain, pretending to address me, but evidently adapting his +discourse to the capacity of the landlady; who, at every pause, uttered +an exclamation of pity; or 'Yes, to be sure--Very true, sir.' + +"Sick of the farce, and perceiving that I could not avoid the hated +interview, I opened the door, and he entered. Advancing with easy +assurance to take my hand, I shrunk from his touch, with an involuntary +start, as I should have done from a noisome reptile, with more disgust +than terror. His conductress was retiring, to give us, as she said, an +opportunity to accommodate matters. But I bade her come in, or I would go +out; and curiosity impelled her to obey me. + +"Mr. Venables began to expostulate; and this woman, proud of his +confidence, to second him. But I calmly silenced her, in the midst of a +vulgar harangue, and turning to him, asked, 'Why he vainly tormented me? +declaring that no power on earth should force me back to his house.' + +"After a long altercation, the particulars of which, it would be to no +purpose to repeat, he left the room. Some time was spent in loud +conversation in the parlour below, and I discovered that he had brought +his friend, an attorney, with him. + + * * * * * * * +* * * * * * * * * * * * +* * * * * * * * * * * * +* * + +The tumult on the landing place, brought out a gentleman, who had +recently taken apartments in the house; he enquired why I was thus +assailed[91-A]? The voluble attorney instantly repeated the trite tale. +The stranger turned to me, observing, with the most soothing politeness +and manly interest, that 'my countenance told a very different story.' He +added, 'that I should not be insulted, or forced out of the house, by any +body.' + +"'Not by her husband?' asked the attorney. + +"'No, sir, not by her husband.' Mr. Venables advanced towards him--But +there was a decision in his attitude, that so well seconded that of his +voice, + +* * * * * * * * * * * +* * * * * * * * * * * +* * * * + +They left the house: at the same time protesting, that any one that +should dare to protect me, should be prosecuted with the utmost rigour. + +"They were scarcely out of the house, when my landlady came up to me +again, and begged my pardon, in a very different tone. For, though Mr. +Venables had bid her, at her peril, harbour me, he had not attended, I +found, to her broad hints, to discharge the lodging. I instantly promised +to pay her, and make her a present to compensate for my abrupt departure, +if she would procure me another lodging, at a sufficient distance; and +she, in return, repeating Mr. Venables' plausible tale, I raised her +indignation, and excited her sympathy, by telling her briefly the truth. + +"She expressed her commiseration with such honest warmth, that I felt +soothed; for I have none of that fastidious sensitiveness, which a vulgar +accent or gesture can alarm to the disregard of real kindness. I was ever +glad to perceive in others the humane feelings I delighted to exercise; +and the recollection of some ridiculous characteristic circumstances, +which have occurred in a moment of emotion, has convulsed me with +laughter, though at the instant I should have thought it sacrilegious to +have smiled. Your improvement, my dearest girl, being ever present to me +while I write, I note these feelings, because women, more accustomed to +observe manners than actions, are too much alive to ridicule. So much so, +that their boasted sensibility is often stifled by false delicacy. True +sensibility, the sensibility which is the auxiliary of virtue, and the +soul of genius, is in society so occupied with the feelings of others, as +scarcely to regard its own sensations. With what reverence have I looked +up at my uncle, the dear parent of my mind! when I have seen the sense of +his own sufferings, of mind and body, absorbed in a desire to comfort +those, whose misfortunes were comparatively trivial. He would have been +ashamed of being as indulgent to himself, as he was to others. 'Genuine +fortitude,' he would assert, 'consisted in governing our own emotions, +and making allowance for the weaknesses in our friends, that we would not +tolerate in ourselves.' But where is my fond regret leading me! + +"'Women must be submissive,' said my landlady. 'Indeed what could most +women do? Who had they to maintain them, but their husbands? Every woman, +and especially a lady, could not go through rough and smooth, as she had +done, to earn a little bread.' + +"She was in a talking mood, and proceeded to inform me how she had been +used in the world. 'She knew what it was to have a bad husband, or she +did not know who should.' I perceived that she would be very much +mortified, were I not to attend to her tale, and I did not attempt to +interrupt her, though I wished her, as soon as possible, to go out in +search of a new abode for me, where I could once more hide my head. + +"She began by telling me, 'That she had saved a little money in service; +and was over-persuaded (we must all be in love once in our lives) to +marry a likely man, a footman in the family, not worth a groat. My plan,' +she continued, 'was to take a house, and let out lodgings; and all went +on well, till my husband got acquainted with an impudent slut, who chose +to live on other people's means--and then all went to rack and ruin. He +ran in debt to buy her fine clothes, such clothes as I never thought of +wearing myself, and--would you believe it?--he signed an execution on my +very goods, bought with the money I worked so hard to get; and they came +and took my bed from under me, before I heard a word of the matter. Aye, +madam, these are misfortunes that you gentlefolks know nothing of,--but +sorrow is sorrow, let it come which way it will. + +"'I sought for a service again--very hard, after having a house of my +own!--but he used to follow me, and kick up such a riot when he was +drunk, that I could not keep a place; nay, he even stole my clothes, and +pawned them; and when I went to the pawnbroker's, and offered to take my +oath that they were not bought with a farthing of his money, they said, +'It was all as one, my husband had a right to whatever I had.' + +"'At last he listed for a soldier, and I took a house, making an +agreement to pay for the furniture by degrees; and I almost starved +myself, till I once more got before-hand in the world. + +"'After an absence of six years (God forgive me! I thought he was dead) +my husband returned; found me out, and came with such a penitent face, I +forgave him, and clothed him from head to foot. But he had not been a +week in the house, before some of his creditors arrested him; and, he +selling my goods, I found myself once more reduced to beggary; for I was +not as well able to work, go to bed late, and rise early, as when I +quitted service; and then I thought it hard enough. He was soon tired of +me, when there was nothing more to be had, and left me again. + +"'I will not tell you how I was buffeted about, till, hearing for certain +that he had died in an hospital abroad, I once more returned to my old +occupation; but have not yet been able to get my head above water: so, +madam, you must not be angry if I am afraid to run any risk, when I know +so well, that women have always the worst of it, when law is to decide.' + +"After uttering a few more complaints, I prevailed on my landlady to go +out in quest of a lodging; and, to be more secure, I condescended to the +mean shift of changing my name. + +"But why should I dwell on similar incidents!--I was hunted, like an +infected beast, from three different apartments, and should not have been +allowed to rest in any, had not Mr. Venables, informed of my uncle's +dangerous state of health, been inspired with the fear of hurrying me out +of the world as I advanced in my pregnancy, by thus tormenting and +obliging me to take sudden journeys to avoid him; and then his +speculations on my uncle's fortune must prove abortive. + +"One day, when he had pursued me to an inn, I fainted, hurrying from him; +and, falling down, the sight of my blood alarmed him, and obtained a +respite for me. It is strange that he should have retained any hope, +after observing my unwavering determination; but, from the mildness of my +behaviour, when I found all my endeavours to change his disposition +unavailing, he formed an erroneous opinion of my character, imagining +that, were we once more together, I should part with the money he could +not legally force from me, with the same facility as formerly. My +forbearance and occasional sympathy he had mistaken for weakness of +character; and, because he perceived that I disliked resistance, he +thought my indulgence and compassion mere selfishness, and never +discovered that the fear of being unjust, or of unnecessarily wounding +the feelings of another, was much more painful to me, than any thing I +could have to endure myself. Perhaps it was pride which made me imagine, +that I could bear what I dreaded to inflict; and that it was often easier +to suffer, than to see the sufferings of others. + +"I forgot to mention that, during this persecution, I received a letter +from my uncle, informing me, 'that he only found relief from continual +change of air; and that he intended to return when the spring was a +little more advanced (it was now the middle of February), and then we +would plan a journey to Italy, leaving the fogs and cares of England far +behind.' He approved of my conduct, promised to adopt my child, and +seemed to have no doubt of obliging Mr. Venables to hear reason. He wrote +to his friend, by the same post, desiring him to call on Mr. Venables in +his name; and, in consequence of the remonstrances he dictated, I was +permitted to lie-in tranquilly. + +"The two or three weeks previous, I had been allowed to rest in peace; +but, so accustomed was I to pursuit and alarm, that I seldom closed my +eyes without being haunted by Mr. Venables' image, who seemed to assume +terrific or hateful forms to torment me, wherever I turned.--Sometimes a +wild cat, a roaring bull, or hideous assassin, whom I vainly attempted to +fly; at others he was a demon, hurrying me to the brink of a precipice, +plunging me into dark waves, or horrid gulfs; and I woke, in violent fits +of trembling anxiety, to assure myself that it was all a dream, and to +endeavour to lure my waking thoughts to wander to the delightful Italian +vales, I hoped soon to visit; or to picture some august ruins, where I +reclined in fancy on a mouldering column, and escaped, in the +contemplation of the heart-enlarging virtues of antiquity, from the +turmoil of cares that had depressed all the daring purposes of my soul. +But I was not long allowed to calm my mind by the exercise of my +imagination; for the third day after your birth, my child, I was +surprised by a visit from my elder brother; who came in the most abrupt +manner, to inform me of the death of my uncle. He had left the greater +part of his fortune to my child, appointing me its guardian; in short, +every step was taken to enable me to be mistress of his fortune, without +putting any part of it in Mr. Venables' power. My brother came to vent +his rage on me, for having, as he expressed himself, 'deprived him, my +uncle's eldest nephew, of his inheritance;' though my uncle's property, +the fruit of his own exertion, being all in the funds, or on landed +securities, there was not a shadow of justice in the charge. + +"As I sincerely loved my uncle, this intelligence brought on a fever, +which I struggled to conquer with all the energy of my mind; for, in my +desolate state, I had it very much at heart to suckle you, my poor babe. +You seemed my only tie to life, a cherub, to whom I wished to be a +father, as well as a mother; and the double duty appeared to me to +produce a proportionate increase of affection. But the pleasure I felt, +while sustaining you, snatched from the wreck of hope, was cruelly damped +by melancholy reflections on my widowed state--widowed by the death of my +uncle. Of Mr. Venables I thought not, even when I thought of the felicity +of loving your father, and how a mother's pleasure might be exalted, and +her care softened by a husband's tenderness.--'Ought to be!' I exclaimed; +and I endeavoured to drive away the tenderness that suffocated me; but +my spirits were weak, and the unbidden tears would flow. 'Why was I,' I +would ask thee, but thou didst not heed me,--'cut off from the +participation of the sweetest pleasure of life?' I imagined with what +extacy, after the pains of child-bed, I should have presented my little +stranger, whom I had so long wished to view, to a respectable father, and +with what maternal fondness I should have pressed them both to my +heart!--Now I kissed her with less delight, though with the most +endearing compassion, poor helpless one! when I perceived a slight +resemblance of him, to whom she owed her existence; or, if any gesture +reminded me of him, even in his best days, my heart heaved, and I pressed +the innocent to my bosom, as if to purify it--yes, I blushed to think +that its purity had been sullied, by allowing such a man to be its +father. + +"After my recovery, I began to think of taking a house in the country, or +of making an excursion on the continent, to avoid Mr. Venables; and to +open my heart to new pleasures and affection. The spring was melting into +summer, and you, my little companion, began to smile--that smile made +hope bud out afresh, assuring me the world was not a desert. Your +gestures were ever present to my fancy; and I dwelt on the joy I should +feel when you would begin to walk and lisp. Watching your wakening mind, +and shielding from every rude blast my tender blossom, I recovered my +spirits--I dreamed not of the frost--'the killing frost,' to which you +were destined to be exposed.--But I lose all patience--and execrate the +injustice of the world--folly! ignorance!--I should rather call it; but, +shut up from a free circulation of thought, and always pondering on the +same griefs, I writhe under the torturing apprehensions, which ought to +excite only honest indignation, or active compassion; and would, could I +view them as the natural consequence of things. But, born a woman--and +born to suffer, in endeavouring to repress my own emotions, I feel more +acutely the various ills my sex are fated to bear--I feel that the evils +they are subject to endure, degrade them so far below their oppressors, +as almost to justify their tyranny; leading at the same time superficial +reasoners to term that weakness the cause, which is only the consequence +of short-sighted despotism. + +FOOTNOTES: + +[91-A] The introduction of Darnford as the deliverer of Maria, in an +early stage of the history, is already stated (Chap. III.) to have been +an after-thought of the author. This has probably caused the +imperfectness of the manuscript in the above passage; though, at the same +time, it must be acknowledged to be somewhat uncertain, whether Darnford +is the stranger intended in this place. It appears from Chap. XVII. that +an interference of a more decisive nature was designed to be attributed +to him. + +EDITOR. + + + + +CHAP. XIV. + + +"AS my mind grew calmer, the visions of Italy again returned with their +former glow of colouring; and I resolved on quitting the kingdom for a +time, in search of the cheerfulness, that naturally results from a change +of scene, unless we carry the barbed arrow with us, and only see what we +feel. + +"During the period necessary to prepare for a long absence, I sent a +supply to pay my father's debts, and settled my brothers in eligible +situations; but my attention was not wholly engrossed by my family, +though I do not think it necessary to enumerate the common exertions of +humanity. The manner in which my uncle's property was settled, prevented +me from making the addition to the fortune of my surviving sister, that I +could have wished; but I had prevailed on him to bequeath her two +thousand pounds, and she determined to marry a lover, to whom she had +been some time attached. Had it not been for this engagement, I should +have invited her to accompany me in my tour; and I might have escaped the +pit, so artfully dug in my path, when I was the least aware of danger. + +"I had thought of remaining in England, till I weaned my child; but this +state of freedom was too peaceful to last, and I had soon reason to wish +to hasten my departure. A friend of Mr. Venables, the same attorney who +had accompanied him in several excursions to hunt me from my hiding +places, waited on me to propose a reconciliation. On my refusal, he +indirectly advised me to make over to my husband--for husband he would +term him--the greater part of the property I had at command, menacing me +with continual persecution unless I complied, and that, as a last resort, +he would claim the child. I did not, though intimidated by the last +insinuation, scruple to declare, that I would not allow him to squander +the money left to me for far different purposes, but offered him five +hundred pounds, if he would sign a bond not to torment me any more. My +maternal anxiety made me thus appear to waver from my first +determination, and probably suggested to him, or his diabolical agent, +the infernal plot, which has succeeded but too well. + +"The bond was executed; still I was impatient to leave England. Mischief +hung in the air when we breathed the same; I wanted seas to divide us, +and waters to roll between, till he had forgotten that I had the means of +helping him through a new scheme. Disturbed by the late occurrences, I +instantly prepared for my departure. My only delay was waiting for a +maid-servant, who spoke French fluently, and had been warmly recommended +to me. A valet I was advised to hire, when I fixed on my place of +residence for any time. + +"My God, with what a light heart did I set out for Dover!--It was not my +country, but my cares, that I was leaving behind. My heart seemed to +bound with the wheels, or rather appeared the centre on which they +twirled. I clasped you to my bosom, exclaiming 'And you will be +safe--quite safe--when--we are once on board the packet.--Would we were +there!' I smiled at my idle fears, as the natural effect of continual +alarm; and I scarcely owned to myself that I dreaded Mr. Venables's +cunning, or was conscious of the horrid delight he would feel, at forming +stratagem after stratagem to circumvent me. I was already in the snare--I +never reached the packet--I never saw thee more.--I grow breathless. I +have scarcely patience to write down the details. The maid--the plausible +woman I had hired--put, doubtless, some stupifying potion in what I ate +or drank, the morning I left town. All I know is, that she must have +quitted the chaise, shameless wretch! and taken (from my breast) my babe +with her. How could a creature in a female form see me caress thee, and +steal thee from my arms! I must stop, stop to repress a mother's anguish; +left, in bitterness of soul, I imprecate the wrath of heaven on this +tiger, who tore my only comfort from me. + +"How long I slept I know not; certainly many hours, for I woke at the +close of day, in a strange confusion of thought. I was probably roused to +recollection by some one thundering at a huge, unwieldy gate. Attempting +to ask where I was, my voice died away, and I tried to raise it in vain, +as I have done in a dream. I looked for my babe with affright; feared +that it had fallen out of my lap, while I had so strangely forgotten +her; and, such was the vague intoxication, I can give it no other name, +in which I was plunged, I could not recollect when or where I last saw +you; but I sighed, as if my heart wanted room to clear my head. + +"The gates opened heavily, and the sullen sound of many locks and bolts +drawn back, grated on my very soul, before I was appalled by the creeking +of the dismal hinges, as they closed after me. The gloomy pile was before +me, half in ruins; some of the aged trees of the avenue were cut down, +and left to rot where they fell; and as we approached some mouldering +steps, a monstrous dog darted forwards to the length of his chain, and +barked and growled infernally. + +"The door was opened slowly, and a murderous visage peeped out, with a +lantern. 'Hush!' he uttered, in a threatning tone, and the affrighted +animal stole back to his kennel. The door of the chaise flew back, the +stranger put down the lantern, and clasped his dreadful arms around me. +It was certainly the effect of the soporific draught, for, instead of +exerting my strength, I sunk without motion, though not without sense, on +his shoulder, my limbs refusing to obey my will. I was carried up the +steps into a close-shut hall. A candle flaring in the socket, scarcely +dispersed the darkness, though it displayed to me the ferocious +countenance of the wretch who held me. + +"He mounted a wide staircase. Large figures painted on the walls seemed +to start on me, and glaring eyes to meet me at every turn. Entering a +long gallery, a dismal shriek made me spring out of my conductor's arms, +with I know not what mysterious emotion of terror; but I fell on the +floor, unable to sustain myself. + +"A strange-looking female started out of one of the recesses, and +observed me with more curiosity than interest; till, sternly bid retire, +she flitted back like a shadow. Other faces, strongly marked, or +distorted, peeped through the half-opened doors, and I heard some +incoherent sounds. I had no distinct idea where I could be--I looked on +all sides, and almost doubted whether I was alive or dead. + +"Thrown on a bed, I immediately sunk into insensibility again; and next +day, gradually recovering the use of reason, I began, starting +affrighted from the conviction, to discover where I was confined--I +insisted on seeing the master of the mansion--I saw him--and perceived +that I was buried alive.-- + +"Such, my child, are the events of thy mother's life to this dreadful +moment--Should she ever escape from the fangs of her enemies, she will +add the secrets of her prison-house--and--" + +Some lines were here crossed out, and the memoirs broke off abruptly with +the names of Jemima and Darnford. + + + + +APPENDIX. + +[ADVERTISEMENT. + + +THE performance, with a fragment of which the reader has now been +presented, was designed to consist of three parts. The preceding sheets +were considered as constituting one of those parts. Those persons who in +the perusal of the chapters, already written and in some degree finished +by the author, have felt their hearts awakened, and their curiosity +excited as to the sequel of the story, will, of course, gladly accept +even of the broken paragraphs and half-finished sentences, which have +been found committed to paper, as materials for the remainder. The +fastidious and cold-hearted critic may perhaps feel himself repelled by +the incoherent form in which they are presented. But an inquisitive +temper willingly accepts the most imperfect and mutilated information, +where better is not to be had: and readers, who in any degree resemble +the author in her quick apprehension of sentiment, and of the pleasures +and pains of imagination, will, I believe, find gratification, in +contemplating sketches, which were designed in a short time to have +received the finishing touches of her genius; but which must now for ever +remain a mark to record the triumphs of mortality, over schemes of +usefulness, and projects of public interest.] + + + + +CHAP. XV. + + +DARNFORD returned the memoirs to Maria, with a most affectionate letter, +in which he reasoned on "the absurdity of the laws respecting matrimony, +which, till divorces could be more easily obtained, was," he declared, +"the most insufferable bondage. Ties of this nature could not bind minds +governed by superior principles; and such beings were privileged to act +above the dictates of laws they had no voice in framing, if they had +sufficient strength of mind to endure the natural consequence. In her +case, to talk of duty, was a farce, excepting what was due to herself. +Delicacy, as well as reason, forbade her ever to think of returning to +her husband: was she then to restrain her charming sensibility through +mere prejudice? These arguments were not absolutely impartial, for he +disdained to conceal, that, when he appealed to her reason, he felt that +he had some interest in her heart.--The conviction was not more +transporting, than sacred--a thousand times a day, he asked himself how +he had merited such happiness?--and as often he determined to purify the +heart she deigned to inhabit--He intreated to be again admitted to her +presence." + +He was; and the tear which glistened in his eye, when he respectfully +pressed her to his bosom, rendered him peculiarly dear to the unfortunate +mother. Grief had stilled the transports of love, only to render their +mutual tenderness more touching. In former interviews, Darnford had +contrived, by a hundred little pretexts, to sit near her, to take her +hand, or to meet her eyes--now it was all soothing affection, and esteem +seemed to have rivalled love. He adverted to her narrative, and spoke +with warmth of the oppression she had endured.--His eyes, glowing with a +lambent flame, told her how much he wished to restore her to liberty and +love; but he kissed her hand, as if it had been that of a saint; and +spoke of the loss of her child, as if it had been his own.--What could +have been more flattering to Maria?--Every instance of self-denial was +registered in her heart, and she loved him, for loving her too well to +give way to the transports of passion. + +They met again and again; and Darnford declared, while passion suffused +his cheeks, that he never before knew what it was to love.-- + +One morning Jemima informed Maria, that her master intended to wait on +her, and speak to her without witnesses. He came, and brought a letter +with him, pretending that he was ignorant of its contents, though he +insisted on having it returned to him. It was from the attorney already +mentioned, who informed her of the death of her child, and hinted, "that +she could not now have a legitimate heir, and that, would she make over +the half of her fortune during life, she should be conveyed to Dover, and +permitted to pursue her plan of travelling." + +Maria answered with warmth, "That she had no terms to make with the +murderer of her babe, nor would she purchase liberty at the price of her +own respect." + +She began to expostulate with her jailor; but he sternly bade her "Be +silent--he had not gone so far, not to go further." + +Darnford came in the evening. Jemima was obliged to be absent, and she, +as usual, locked the door on them, to prevent interruption or +discovery.--The lovers were, at first, embarrassed; but fell insensibly +into confidential discourse. Darnford represented, "that they might soon +be parted," and wished her "to put it out of the power of fate to +separate them." + +As her husband she now received him, and he solemnly pledged himself as +her protector--and eternal friend.-- + +There was one peculiarity in Maria's mind: she was more anxious not to +deceive, than to guard against deception; and had rather trust without +sufficient reason, than be for ever the prey of doubt. Besides, what are +we, when the mind has, from reflection, a certain kind of elevation, +which exalts the contemplation above the little concerns of prudence! We +see what we wish, and make a world of our own--and, though reality may +sometimes open a door to misery, yet the moments of happiness procured by +the imagination, may, without a paradox, be reckoned among the solid +comforts of life. Maria now, imagining that she had found a being of +celestial mould--was happy,--nor was she deceived.--He was then plastic +in her impassioned hand--and reflected all the sentiments which animated +and warmed her. + +-- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- + + + + +CHAP. XVI. + + +ONE morning confusion seemed to reign in the house, and Jemima came in +terror, to inform Maria, "that her master had left it, with a +determination, she was assured (and too many circumstances corroborated +the opinion, to leave a doubt of its truth) of never returning. I am +prepared then," said Jemima, "to accompany you in your flight." + +Maria started up, her eyes darting towards the door, as if afraid that +some one should fasten it on her for ever. + +Jemima continued, "I have perhaps no right now to expect the performance +of your promise; but on you it depends to reconcile me with the human +race." + +"But Darnford!"--exclaimed Maria, mournfully--sitting down again, and +crossing her arms--"I have no child to go to, and liberty has lost its +sweets." + +"I am much mistaken, if Darnford is not the cause of my master's +flight--his keepers assure me, that they have promised to confine him two +days longer, and then he will be free--you cannot see him; but they will +give a letter to him the moment he is free.--In that inform him where he +may find you in London; fix on some hotel. Give me your clothes; I will +send them out of the house with mine, and we will slip out at the +garden-gate. Write your letter while I make these arrangements, but lose +no time!" + +In an agitation of spirit, not to be calmed, Maria began to write to +Darnford. She called him by the sacred name of "husband," and bade him +"hasten to her, to share her fortune, or she would return to him."--An +hotel in the Adelphi was the place of rendezvous. + +The letter was sealed and given in charge; and with light footsteps, yet +terrified at the sound of them, she descended, scarcely breathing, and +with an indistinct fear that she should never get out at the garden gate. +Jemima went first. + +A being, with a visage that would have suited one possessed by a devil, +crossed the path, and seized Maria by the arm. Maria had no fear but of +being detained--"Who are you? what are you?" for the form was scarcely +human. "If you are made of flesh and blood," his ghastly eyes glared on +her, "do not stop me!" + +"Woman," interrupted a sepulchral voice, "what have I to do with +thee?"--Still he grasped her hand, muttering a curse. + +"No, no; you have nothing to do with me," she exclaimed, "this is a +moment of life and death!"-- + +With supernatural force she broke from him, and, throwing her arms round +Jemima, cried, "Save me!" The being, from whose grasp she had loosed +herself, took up a stone as they opened the door, and with a kind of +hellish sport threw it after them. They were out of his reach. + +When Maria arrived in town, she drove to the hotel already fixed on. But +she could not sit still--her child was ever before her; and all that had +passed during her confinement, appeared to be a dream. She went to the +house in the suburbs, where, as she now discovered, her babe had been +sent. The moment she entered, her heart grew sick; but she wondered not +that it had proved its grave. She made the necessary enquiries, and the +church-yard was pointed out, in which it rested under a turf. A little +frock which the nurse's child wore (Maria had made it herself) caught her +eye. The nurse was glad to sell it for half-a-guinea, and Maria hastened +away with the relic, and, re-entering the hackney-coach which waited for +her, gazed on it, till she reached her hotel. + +She then waited on the attorney who had made her uncle's will, and +explained to him her situation. He readily advanced her some of the +money which still remained in his hands, and promised to take the whole +of the case into consideration. Maria only wished to be permitted to +remain in quiet--She found that several bills, apparently with her +signature, had been presented to her agent, nor was she for a moment at a +loss to guess by whom they had been forged; yet, equally averse to +threaten or intreat, she requested her friend [the solicitor] to call on +Mr. Venables. He was not to be found at home; but at length his agent, +the attorney, offered a conditional promise to Maria, to leave her in +peace, as long as she behaved with propriety, if she would give up the +notes. Maria inconsiderately consented--Darnford was arrived, and she +wished to be only alive to love; she wished to forget the anguish she +felt whenever she thought of her child. + +They took a ready furnished lodging together, for she was above disguise; +Jemima insisting on being considered as her house-keeper, and to receive +the customary stipend. On no other terms would she remain with her +friend. + +Darnford was indefatigable in tracing the mysterious circumstances of his +confinement. The cause was simply, that a relation, a very distant one, +to whom he was heir, had died intestate, leaving a considerable fortune. +On the news of Darnford's arrival [in England, a person, intrusted with +the management of the property, and who had the writings in his +possession, determining, by one bold stroke, to strip Darnford of the +succession,] had planned his confinement; and [as soon as he had taken +the measures he judged most conducive to his object, this ruffian, +together with his instrument,] the keeper of the private mad-house, left +the kingdom. Darnford, who still pursued his enquiries, at last +discovered that they had fixed their place of refuge at Paris. + +Maria and he determined therefore, with the faithful Jemima, to visit +that metropolis, and accordingly were preparing for the journey, when +they were informed that Mr. Venables had commenced an action against +Darnford for seduction and adultery. The indignation Maria felt cannot be +explained; she repented of the forbearance she had exercised in giving up +the notes. Darnford could not put off his journey, without risking the +loss of his property: Maria therefore furnished him with money for his +expedition; and determined to remain in London till the termination of +this affair. + +She visited some ladies with whom she had formerly been intimate, but was +refused admittance; and at the opera, or Ranelagh, they could not +recollect her. Among these ladies there were some, not her most intimate +acquaintance, who were generally supposed to avail themselves of the +cloke of marriage, to conceal a mode of conduct, that would for ever have +damned their fame, had they been innocent, seduced girls. These +particularly stood aloof.--Had she remained with her husband, practising +insincerity, and neglecting her child to manage an intrigue, she would +still have been visited and respected. If, instead of openly living with +her lover, she could have condescended to call into play a thousand +arts, which, degrading her own mind, might have allowed the people who +were not deceived, to pretend to be so, she would have been caressed and +treated like an honourable woman. "And Brutus[138-A] is an honourable +man!" said Mark-Antony with equal sincerity. + +With Darnford she did not taste uninterrupted felicity; there was a +volatility in his manner which often distressed her; but love gladdened +the scene; besides, he was the most tender, sympathizing creature in the +world. A fondness for the sex often gives an appearance of humanity to +the behaviour of men, who have small pretensions to the reality; and they +seem to love others, when they are only pursuing their own +gratification. Darnford appeared ever willing to avail himself of her +taste and acquirements, while she endeavoured to profit by his decision +of character, and to eradicate some of the romantic notions, which had +taken root in her mind, while in adversity she had brooded over visions +of unattainable bliss. + +The real affections of life, when they are allowed to burst forth, are +buds pregnant with joy and all the sweet emotions of the soul; yet they +branch out with wild ease, unlike the artificial forms of felicity, +sketched by an imagination painful alive. The substantial happiness, +which enlarges and civilizes the mind, may be compared to the pleasure +experienced in roving through nature at large, inhaling the sweet gale +natural to the clime; while the reveries of a feverish imagination +continually sport themselves in gardens full of aromatic shrubs, which +cloy while they delight, and weaken the sense of pleasure they gratify. +The heaven of fancy, below or beyond the stars, in this life, or in those +ever-smiling regions surrounded by the unmarked ocean of futurity, have +an insipid uniformity which palls. Poets have imagined scenes of bliss; +but, fencing out sorrow, all the extatic emotions of the soul, and even +its grandeur, seem to be equally excluded. We dose over the unruffled +lake, and long to scale the rocks which fence the happy valley of +contentment, though serpents hiss in the pathless desert, and danger +lurks in the unexplored wiles. Maria found herself more indulgent as she +was happier, and discovered virtues, in characters she had before +disregarded, while chasing the phantoms of elegance and excellence, which +sported in the meteors that exhale in the marshes of misfortune. The +heart is often shut by romance against social pleasure; and, fostering a +sickly sensibility, grows callous to the soft touches of humanity. + +To part with Darnford was indeed cruel.--It was to feel most painfully +alone; but she rejoiced to think, that she should spare him the care and +perplexity of the suit, and meet him again, all his own. Marriage, as at +present constituted, she considered as leading to immorality--yet, as the +odium of society impedes usefulness, she wished to avow her affection to +Darnford, by becoming his wife according to established rules; not to be +confounded with women who act from very different motives, though her +conduct would be just the same without the ceremony as with it, and her +expectations from him not less firm. The being summoned to defend herself +from a charge which she was determined to plead guilty to, was still +galling, as it roused bitter reflections on the situation of women in +society. + +FOOTNOTES: + +[138-A] The name in the manuscript is by mistake written Caesar. + +EDITOR. + + + + +CHAP. XVII. + + +SUCH was her state of mind when the dogs of law were let loose on her. +Maria took the task of conducting Darnford's defence upon herself. She +instructed his counsel to plead guilty to the charge of adultery; but to +deny that of seduction. + +The counsel for the plaintiff opened the cause, by observing, "that his +client had ever been an indulgent husband, and had borne with several +defects of temper, while he had nothing criminal to lay to the charge of +his wife. But that she left his house without assigning any cause. He +could not assert that she was then acquainted with the defendant; yet, +when he was once endeavouring to bring her back to her home, this man +put the peace-officers to flight, and took her he knew not whither. After +the birth of her child, her conduct was so strange, and a melancholy +malady having afflicted one of the family, which delicacy forbade the +dwelling on, it was necessary to confine her. By some means the defendant +enabled her to make her escape, and they had lived together, in despite +of all sense of order and decorum. The adultery was allowed, it was not +necessary to bring any witnesses to prove it; but the seduction, though +highly probable from the circumstances which he had the honour to state, +could not be so clearly proved.--It was of the most atrocious kind, as +decency was set at defiance, and respect for reputation, which shows +internal compunction, utterly disregarded." + +A strong sense of injustice had silenced every emotion, which a mixture +of true and false delicacy might otherwise have excited in Maria's bosom. +She only felt in earnest to insist on the privilege of her nature. The +sarcasms of society, and the condemnation of a mistaken world, were +nothing to her, compared with acting contrary to those feelings which +were the foundation of her principles. [She therefore eagerly put herself +forward, instead of desiring to be absent, on this memorable occasion.] + +Convinced that the subterfuges of the law were disgraceful, she wrote a +paper, which she expressly desired might be read in court: + +"Married when scarcely able to distinguish the nature of the engagement, +I yet submitted to the rigid laws which enslave women, and obeyed the man +whom I could no longer love. Whether the duties of the state are +reciprocal, I mean not to discuss; but I can prove repeated infidelities +which I overlooked or pardoned. Witnesses are not wanting to establish +these facts. I at present maintain the child of a maid servant, sworn to +him, and born after our marriage. I am ready to allow, that education and +circumstances lead men to think and act with less delicacy, than the +preservation of order in society demands from women; but surely I may +without assumption declare, that, though I could excuse the birth, I +could not the desertion of this unfortunate babe:--and, while I despised +the man, it was not easy to venerate the husband. With proper +restrictions however, I revere the institution which fraternizes the +world. I exclaim against the laws which throw the whole weight of the +yoke on the weaker shoulders, and force women, when they claim +protectorship as mothers, to sign a contract, which renders them +dependent on the caprice of the tyrant, whom choice or necessity has +appointed to reign over them. Various are the cases, in which a woman +ought to separate herself from her husband; and mine, I may be allowed +emphatically to insist, comes under the description of the most +aggravated. + +"I will not enlarge on those provocations which only the individual can +estimate; but will bring forward such charges only, the truth of which is +an insult upon humanity. In order to promote certain destructive +speculations, Mr. Venables prevailed on me to borrow certain sums of a +wealthy relation; and, when I refused further compliance, he thought of +bartering my person; and not only allowed opportunities to, but urged, a +friend from whom he borrowed money, to seduce me. On the discovery of +this act of atrocity, I determined to leave him, and in the most decided +manner, for ever. I consider all obligation as made void by his conduct; +and hold, that schisms which proceed from want of principles, can never +be healed. + +"He received a fortune with me to the amount of five thousand pounds. On +the death of my uncle, convinced that I could provide for my child, I +destroyed the settlement of that fortune. I required none of my property +to be returned to me, nor shall enumerate the sums extorted from me +during six years that we lived together. + +"After leaving, what the law considers as my home, I was hunted like a +criminal from place to place, though I contracted no debts, and demanded +no maintenance--yet, as the laws sanction such proceeding, and make women +the property of their husbands, I forbear to animadvert. After the birth +of my daughter, and the death of my uncle, who left a very considerable +property to myself and child, I was exposed to new persecution; and, +because I had, before arriving at what is termed years of discretion, +pledged my faith, I was treated by the world, as bound for ever to a man +whose vices were notorious. Yet what are the vices generally known, to +the various miseries that a woman may be subject to, which, though +deeply felt, eating into the soul, elude description, and may be glossed +over! A false morality is even established, which makes all the virtue of +women consist in chastity, submission, and the forgiveness of injuries. + +"I pardon my oppressor--bitterly as I lament the loss of my child, torn +from me in the most violent manner. But nature revolts, and my soul +sickens at the bare supposition, that it could ever be a duty to pretend +affection, when a separation is necessary to prevent my feeling hourly +aversion. + +"To force me to give my fortune, I was imprisoned--yes; in a private +mad-house.--There, in the heart of misery, I met the man charged with +seducing me. We became attached--I deemed, and ever shall deem, myself +free. The death of my babe dissolved the only tie which subsisted +between me and my, what is termed, lawful husband. + +"To this person, thus encountered, I voluntarily gave myself, never +considering myself as any more bound to transgress the laws of moral +purity, because the will of my husband might be pleaded in my excuse, +than to transgress those laws to which [the policy of artificial society +has] annexed [positive] punishments.----While no command of a husband can +prevent a woman from suffering for certain crimes, she must be allowed to +consult her conscience, and regulate her conduct, in some degree, by her +own sense of right. The respect I owe to myself, demanded my strict +adherence to my determination of never viewing Mr. Venables in the light +of a husband, nor could it forbid me from encouraging another. If I am +unfortunately united to an unprincipled man, am I for ever to be shut out +from fulfilling the duties of a wife and mother?--I wish my country to +approve of my conduct; but, if laws exist, made by the strong to oppress +the weak, I appeal to my own sense of justice, and declare that I will +not live with the individual, who has violated every moral obligation +which binds man to man. + +"I protest equally against any charge being brought to criminate the man, +whom I consider as my husband. I was six-and-twenty when I left Mr. +Venables' roof; if ever I am to be supposed to arrive at an age to direct +my own actions, I must by that time have arrived at it.--I acted with +deliberation.--Mr. Darnford found me a forlorn and oppressed woman, and +promised the protection women in the present state of society want.--But +the man who now claims me--was he deprived of my society by this conduct? +The question is an insult to common sense, considering where Mr. Darnford +met me.--Mr. Venables' door was indeed open to me--nay, threats and +intreaties were used to induce me to return; but why? Was affection or +honour the motive?--I cannot, it is true, dive into the recesses of the +human heart--yet I presume to assert, [borne out as I am by a variety of +circumstances,] that he was merely influenced by the most rapacious +avarice. + +"I claim then a divorce, and the liberty of enjoying, free from +molestation, the fortune left to me by a relation, who was well aware of +the character of the man with whom I had to contend.--I appeal to the +justice and humanity of the jury--a body of men, whose private judgment +must be allowed to modify laws, that must be unjust, because definite +rules can never apply to indefinite circumstances--and I deprecate +punishment upon the man of my choice, freeing him, as I solemnly do, from +the charge of seduction.] + +"I did not put myself into a situation to justify a charge of adultery, +till I had, from conviction, shaken off the fetters which bound me to Mr. +Venables.--While I lived with him, I defy the voice of calumny to sully +what is termed the fair fame of woman.--Neglected by my husband, I never +encouraged a lover; and preserved with scrupulous care, what is termed my +honour, at the expence of my peace, till he, who should have been its +guardian, laid traps to ensnare me. From that moment I believed myself, +in the sight of heaven, free--and no power on earth shall force me to +renounce my resolution." + +The judge, in summing up the evidence, alluded to "the fallacy of letting +women plead their feelings, as an excuse for the violation of the +marriage-vow. For his part, he had always determined to oppose all +innovation, and the new-fangled notions which incroached on the good old +rules of conduct. We did not want French principles in public or private +life--and, if women were allowed to plead their feelings, as an excuse or +palliation of infidelity, it was opening a flood-gate for immorality. +What virtuous woman thought of her feelings?--It was her duty to love and +obey the man chosen by her parents and relations, who were qualified by +their experience to judge better for her, than she could for herself. As +to the charges brought against the husband, they were vague, supported by +no witnesses, excepting that of imprisonment in a private mad-house. The +proofs of an insanity in the family, might render that however a prudent +measure; and indeed the conduct of the lady did not appear that of a +person of sane mind. Still such a mode of proceeding could not be +justified, and might perhaps entitle the lady [in another court] to a +sentence of separation from bed and board, during the joint lives of the +parties; but he hoped that no Englishman would legalize adultery, by +enabling the adulteress to enrich her seducer. Too many restrictions +could not be thrown in the way of divorces, if we wished to maintain the +sanctity of marriage; and, though they might bear a little hard on a few, +very few individuals, it was evidently for the good of the whole." + + + + +CONCLUSION, + +BY THE EDITOR. + + +VERY few hints exist respecting the plan of the remainder of the work. I +find only two detached sentences, and some scattered heads for the +continuation of the story. I transcribe the whole. + + +I. + +"Darnford's letters were affectionate; but circumstances occasioned +delays, and the miscarriage of some letters rendered the reception of +wished-for answers doubtful: his return was necessary to calm Maria's +mind." + + +II. + +"As Darnford had informed her that his business was settled, his delaying +to return seemed extraordinary; but love to excess, excludes fear or +suspicion." + + * * * * * + +The scattered heads for the continuation of the story, are as +follow[159-A]. + + +I. + +"Trial for adultery--Maria defends herself--A separation from bed and +board is the consequence--Her fortune is thrown into chancery--Darnford +obtains a part of his property--Maria goes into the country." + + +II. + +"A prosecution for adultery commenced--Trial--Darnford sets out for +France--Letters--Once more pregnant--He returns--Mysterious +behaviour--Visit--Expectation--Discovery--Interview--Consequence." + + +III. + +"Sued by her husband--Damages awarded to him--Separation from bed and +board--Darnford goes abroad--Maria into the country--Provides for her +father--Is shunned--Returns to London--Expects to see her lover--The +rack of expectation--Finds herself again with child--Delighted--A +discovery--A visit--A miscarriage--Conclusion." + + +IV. + +"Divorced by her husband--Her lover +unfaithful--Pregnancy--Miscarriage--Suicide." + + * * * * * + +[The following passage appears in some respects to deviate from the +preceding hints. It is superscribed] + + +"THE END. + + +"She swallowed the laudanum; her soul was calm--the tempest had +subsided--and nothing remained but an eager longing to forget +herself--to fly from the anguish she endured to escape from thought--from +this hell of disappointment. + +"Still her eyes closed not--one remembrance with frightful velocity +followed another--All the incidents of her life were in arms, embodied to +assail her, and prevent her sinking into the sleep of death.--Her +murdered child again appeared to her, mourning for the babe of which she +was the tomb.--'And could it have a nobler?--Surely it is better to die +with me, than to enter on life without a mother's care!--I cannot +live!--but could I have deserted my child the moment it was born?--thrown +it on the troubled wave of life, without a hand to support it?'--She +looked up: 'What have I not suffered!--may I find a father where I am +going!'--Her head turned; a stupor ensued; a faintness--'Have a little +patience,' said Maria, holding her swimming head (she thought of her +mother), 'this cannot last long; and what is a little bodily pain to the +pangs I have endured?' + +"A new vision swam before her. Jemima seemed to enter--leading a little +creature, that, with tottering footsteps, approached the bed. The voice +of Jemima sounding as at a distance, called her--she tried to listen, to +speak, to look! + +"'Behold your child!' exclaimed Jemima. Maria started off the bed, and +fainted.--Violent vomiting followed. + +"When she was restored to life, Jemima addressed her with great +solemnity: '------ led me to suspect, that your husband and brother had +deceived you, and secreted the child. I would not torment you with +doubtful hopes, and I left you (at a fatal moment) to search for the +child!--I snatched her from misery--and (now she is alive again) would +you leave her alone in the world, to endure what I have endured?' + +"Maria gazed wildly at her, her whole frame was convulsed with emotion; +when the child, whom Jemima had been tutoring all the journey, uttered +the word 'Mamma!' She caught her to her bosom, and burst into a passion +of tears--then, resting the child gently on the bed, as if afraid of +killing it,--she put her hand to her eyes, to conceal as it were the +agonizing struggle of her soul. She remained silent for five minutes, +crossing her arms over her bosom, and reclining her head,--then +exclaimed: 'The conflict is over!--I will live for my child!'" + + * * * * * + +A few readers perhaps, in looking over these hints, will wonder how it +could have been practicable, without tediousness, or remitting in any +degree the interest of the story, to have filled, from these slight +sketches, a number of pages, more considerable than those which have been +already presented. But, in reality, these hints, simple as they are, are +pregnant with passion and distress. It is the refuge of barren authors +only, to crowd their fictions with so great a number of events, as to +suffer no one of them to sink into the reader's mind. It is the province +of true genius to develop events, to discover their capabilities, to +ascertain the different passions and sentiments with which they are +fraught, and to diversify them with incidents, that give reality to the +picture, and take a hold upon the mind of a reader of taste, from which +they can never be loosened. It was particularly the design of the author, +in the present instance, to make her story subordinate to a great moral +purpose, that "of exhibiting the misery and oppression, peculiar to +women, that arise out of the partial laws and customs of society.--This +view restrained her fancy[166-A]." It was necessary for her, to place in +a striking point of view, evils that are too frequently overlooked, and +to drag into light those details of oppression, of which the grosser and +more insensible part of mankind make little account. + + +THE END. + +FOOTNOTES: + +[159-A] To understand these minutes, it is necessary the reader should +consider each of them as setting out from the same point in the story, +_viz._ the point to which it is brought down in the preceding chapter. + +[166-A] See author's preface. + + + + +LESSONS. + + +ADVERTISEMENT, + +BY THE EDITOR. + + +THE following pages will, I believe, be judged by every reader of taste +to have been worth preserving, among the other testimonies the author +left behind her, of her genius and the soundness of her understanding. +To such readers I leave the task of comparing these lessons, with other +works of the same nature previously published. It is obvious that the +author has struck out a path of her own, and by no means intrenched upon +the plans of her predecessors. + +It may however excite surprise in some persons to find these papers +annexed to the conclusion of a novel. All I have to offer on this +subject, consists in the following considerations: + +First, something is to be allowed for the difficulty of arranging the +miscellaneous papers upon very different subjects, which will frequently +constitute an author's posthumous works. + + * * * * * + +Secondly, the small portion they occupy in the present volume, will +perhaps be accepted as an apology, by such good-natured readers (if any +such there are), to whom the perusal of them shall be a matter of perfect +indifference. + + * * * * * + +Thirdly, the circumstance which determined me in annexing them to the +present work, was the slight association (in default of a strong one) +between the affectionate and pathetic manner in which Maria Venables +addresses her infant, in the Wrongs of Woman; and the agonising and +painful sentiment with which the author originally bequeathed these +papers, as a legacy for the benefit of her child. + + + + +LESSONS. + +_The first book of a series which I intended to have written for my +unfortunate girl[175-A]._ + + +LESSON I. + +CAT. Dog. Cow. Horse. Sheep. Pig. Bird. Fly. + +Man. Boy. Girl. Child. + +Head. Hair. Face. Nose. Mouth. Chin. Neck. Arms. Hand. Leg. Foot. Back. +Breast. + +House. Wall. Field. Street. Stone. Grass. + +Bed. Chair. Door. Pot. Spoon. Knife. Fork. Plate. Cup. Box. Boy. Bell. + +Tree. Leaf. Stick. Whip. Cart. Coach. + +Frock. Hat. Coat. Shoes. Shift. Cap. + +Bread. Milk. Tea. Meat. Drink. Cake. + + +LESSON II. + +Come. Walk. Run. Go. Jump. Dance. Ride. Sit. Stand. Play. Hold. Shake. +Speak. Sing. Cry. Laugh. Call. Fall. + +Day. Night. Sun. Moon. Light. Dark. Sleep. Wake. + +Wash. Dress. Kiss. Comb. + +Fire. Hot. Burn. Wind. Rain. Cold. + +Hurt. Tear. Break. Spill. + +Book. See. Look. + +Sweet. Good. Clean. + +Gone. Lost. Hide. Keep. Give. Take. + +One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten. + +White. Black. Red. Blue. Green. Brown. + + +LESSON III. + +STROKE the cat. Play with the Dog. Eat the bread. Drink the milk. Hold +the cup. Lay down the knife. + +Look at the fly. See the horse. Shut the door. Bring the chair. Ring the +bell. Get your book. + +Hide your face. Wipe your nose. Wash your hands. Dirty hands. Why do you +cry? A clean mouth. Shake hands. I love you. Kiss me now. Good girl. + +The bird sings. The fire burns. The cat jumps. The dog runs. The bird +flies. The cow lies down. The man laughs. The child cries. + + +LESSON IV. + +LET me comb your head. Ask Betty to wash your face. Go and see for some +bread. Drink milk, if you are dry. Play on the floor with the ball. Do +not touch the ink; you will black your hands. + +What do you want to say to me? Speak slow, not so fast. Did you fall? You +will not cry, not you; the baby cries. Will you walk in the fields? + + +LESSON V. + +COME to me, my little girl. Are you tired of playing? Yes. Sit down and +rest yourself, while I talk to you. + +Have you seen the baby? Poor little thing. O here it comes. Look at him. +How helpless he is. Four years ago you were as feeble as this very little +boy. + +See, he cannot hold up his head. He is forced to lie on his back, if his +mamma do not turn him to the right or left side, he will soon begin to +cry. He cries to tell her, that he is tired with lying on his back. + + +LESSON VI. + +PERHAPS he is hungry. What shall we give him to eat? Poor fellow, he +cannot eat. Look in his mouth, he has no teeth. + +How did you do when you were a baby like him? You cannot tell. Do you +want to know? Look then at the dog, with her pretty puppy. You could not +help yourself as well as the puppy. You could only open your mouth, when +you were lying, like William, on my knee. So I put you to my breast, and +you sucked, as the puppy sucks now, for there was milk enough for you. + + +LESSON VII. + +WHEN you were hungry, you began to cry, because you could not speak. You +were seven months without teeth, always sucking. But after you got one, +you began to gnaw a crust of bread. It was not long before another came +pop. At ten months you had four pretty white teeth, and you used to bite +me. Poor mamma! Still I did not cry, because I am not a child, but you +hurt me very much. So I said to papa, it is time the little girl should +eat. She is not naughty, yet she hurts me. I have given her a crust of +bread, and I must look for some other milk. + +The cow has got plenty, and her jumping calf eats grass very well. He has +got more teeth than my little girl. Yes, says papa, and he tapped you on +the cheek, you are old enough to learn to eat? Come to me, and I will +teach you, my little dear, for you must not hurt poor mamma, who has +given you her milk, when you could not take any thing else. + + +LESSON VIII. + +YOU were then on the carpet, for you could not walk well. So when you +were in a hurry, you used to run quick, quick, quick, on your hands and +feet, like the dog. + +Away you ran to papa, and putting both your arms round his leg, for your +hands were not big enough, you looked up at him, and laughed. What did +this laugh say, when you could not speak? Cannot you guess by what you +now say to papa?--Ah! it was, Play with me, papa!--play with me! + +Papa began to smile, and you knew that the smile was always--Yes. So you +got a ball, and papa threw it along the floor--Roll--roll--roll; and you +ran after it again--and again. How pleased you were. Look at William, he +smiles; but you could laugh loud--Ha! ha! ha!--Papa laughed louder than +the little girl, and rolled the ball still faster. + +Then he put the ball on a chair, and you were forced to take hold of the +back, and stand up to reach it. At last you reached too far, and down you +fell: not indeed on your face, because you put out your hands. You were +not much hurt; but the palms of your hands smarted with the pain, and you +began to cry, like a little child. + +It is only very little children who cry when they are hurt; and it is to +tell their mamma, that something is the matter with them. Now you can +come to me, and say, Mamma, I have hurt myself. Pray rub my hand: it +smarts. Put something on it, to make it well. A piece of rag, to stop the +blood. You are not afraid of a little blood--not you. You scratched your +arm with a pin: it bled a little; but it did you no harm. See, the skin +is grown over it again. + + +LESSON IX. + +TAKE care not to put pins in your mouth, because they will stick in your +throat, and give you pain. Oh! you cannot think what pain a pin would +give you in your throat, should it remain there: but, if you by chance +swallow it, I should be obliged to give you, every morning, something +bitter to drink. You never tasted any thing so bitter! and you would grow +very sick. I never put pins in my mouth; but I am older than you, and +know how to take care of myself. + +My mamma took care of me, when I was a little girl, like you. She bade me +never put any thing in my mouth, without asking her what it was. + +When you were a baby, with no more sense than William, you put every +thing in your mouth to gnaw, to help your teeth to cut through the skin. +Look at the puppy, how he bites that piece of wood. William presses his +gums against my finger. Poor boy! he is so young, he does not know what +he is doing. When you bite any thing, it is because you are hungry. + + +LESSON X. + +SEE how much taller you are than William. In four years you have learned +to eat, to walk, to talk. Why do you smile? You can do much more, you +think: you can wash your hands and face. Very well. I should never kiss a +dirty face. And you can comb your head with the pretty comb you always +put by in your own drawer. To be sure, you do all this to be ready to +take a walk with me. You would be obliged to stay at home, if you could +not comb your own hair. Betty is busy getting the dinner ready, and only +brushes William's hair, because he cannot do it for himself. + +Betty is making an apple-pye. You love an apple-pye; but I do not bid you +make one. Your hands are not strong enough to mix the butter and flour +together; and you must not try to pare the apples, because you cannot +manage a great knife. + +Never touch the large knives: they are very sharp, and you might cut your +finger to the bone. You are a little girl, and ought to have a little +knife. When you are as tall as I am, you shall have a knife as large as +mine; and when you are as strong as I am, and have learned to manage it, +you will not hurt yourself. + +You can trundle a hoop, you say; and jump over a stick. O, I forgot!--and +march like the men in the red coats, when papa plays a pretty tune on the +fiddle. + + +LESSON XI. + +WHAT, you think that you shall soon be able to dress yourself entirely? I +am glad of it: I have something else to do. You may go, and look for your +frock in the drawer; but I will tie it, till you are stronger. Betty will +tie it, when I am busy. + +I button my gown myself: I do not want a maid to assist me, when I am +dressing. But you have not yet got sense enough to do it properly, and +must beg somebody to help you, till you are older. + +Children grow older and wiser at the same time. William is not able to +take a piece of meat, because he has not got the sense which would make +him think that, without teeth, meat would do him harm. He cannot tell +what is good for him. + +The sense of children grows with them. You know much more than William, +now you walk alone, and talk; but you do not know as much as the boys and +girls you see playing yonder, who are half as tall again as you; and they +do not know half as much as their fathers and mothers, who are men and +women grown. Papa and I were children, like you; and men and women took +care of us. I carry William, because he is too weak to walk. I lift you +over a stile, and over the gutter, when you cannot jump over it. + +You know already, that potatoes will not do you any harm: but I must +pluck the fruit for you, till you are wise enough to know the ripe apples +and pears. The hard ones would make you sick, and then you must take +physic. You do not love physic: I do not love it any more than you. But I +have more sense than you; therefore I take care not to eat unripe fruit, +or any thing else that would make my stomach ache, or bring out ugly red +spots on my face. + +When I was a child, my mamma chose the fruit for me, to prevent my making +myself sick. I was just like you; I used to ask for what I saw, without +knowing whether it was good or bad. Now I have lived a long time, I know +what is good; I do not want any body to tell me. + + +LESSON XII. + +LOOK at those two dogs. The old one brings the ball to me in a moment; +the young one does not know how. He must be taught. + +I can cut your shift in a proper shape. You would not know how to begin. +You would spoil it; but you will learn. + +John digs in the garden, and knows when to put the seed in the ground. +You cannot tell whether it should be in the winter or summer. Try to find +it out. When do the trees put out their leaves? In the spring, you say, +after the cold weather. Fruit would not grow ripe without very warm +weather. Now I am sure you can guess why the summer is the season for +fruit. + +Papa knows that peas and beans are good for us to eat with our meat. You +are glad when you see them; but if he did not think for you, and have the +seed put in the ground, we should have no peas or beans. + + +LESSON XIII. + +POOR child, she cannot do much for herself. When I let her do any thing +for me, it is to please her: for I could do it better myself. + +Oh! the poor puppy has tumbled off the stool. Run and stroak him. Put a +little milk in a saucer to comfort him. You have more sense than he. You +can pour the milk into the saucer without spilling it. He would cry for a +day with hunger, without being able to get it. You are wiser than the +dog, you must help him. The dog will love you for it, and run after you. +I feed you and take care of you: you love me and follow me for it. + +When the book fell down on your foot, it gave you great pain. The poor +dog felt the same pain just now. + +Take care not to hurt him when you play with him. And every morning leave +a little milk in your bason for him. Do not forget to put the bason in a +corner, lest somebody should fall over it. + +When the snow covers the ground, save the crumbs of bread for the birds. +In the summer they find feed enough, and do not want you to think about +them. + +I make broth for the poor man who is sick. A sick man is like a child, he +cannot help himself. + + +LESSON X. + +WHEN I caught cold some time ago, I had such a pain in my head, I could +scarcely hold it up. Papa opened the door very softly, because he loves +me. You love me, yet you made a noise. You had not the sense to know that +it made my head worse, till papa told you. + +Papa had a pain in the stomach, and he would not eat the fine cherries or +grapes on the table. When I brought him a cup of camomile tea, he drank +it without saying a word, or making an ugly face. He knows that I love +him, and that I would not give him any thing to drink that has a bad +taste, if it were not to do him good. + +You asked me for some apples when your stomach ached; but I was not angry +with you. If you had been as wise as papa, you would have said, I will +not eat the apples to-day, I must take some camomile tea. + +You say that you do not know how to think. Yes; you do a little. The +other day papa was tired; he had been walking about all the morning. +After dinner he fell asleep on the sopha. I did not bid you be quiet; but +you thought of what papa said to you, when my head ached. This made you +think that you ought not to make a noise, when papa was resting himself. +So you came to me, and said to me, very softly, Pray reach me my ball, +and I will go and play in the garden, till papa wakes. + +You were going out; but thinking again, you came back to me on your +tip-toes. Whisper----whisper. Pray mama, call me, when papa wakes; for I +shall be afraid to open the door to see, lest I should disturb him. + +Away you went.--Creep--creep--and shut the door as softly as I could have +done myself. + +That was thinking. When a child does wrong at first, she does not know +any better. But, after she has been told that she must not disturb mama, +when poor mama is unwell, she thinks herself, that she must not wake papa +when he is tired. + +Another day we will see if you can think about any thing else. + +THE END. + +FOOTNOTES: + +[175-A] This title which is indorsed on the back of the manuscript, I +conclude to have been written in a period of desperation, in the month of +October, 1795. + +EDITOR. + + + + +POSTHUMOUS WORKS + +OF THE + +AUTHOR + +OF A + +VINDICATION OF THE RIGHTS OF WOMAN. + +IN FOUR VOLUMES. + + * * * * * + +VOL. III. + + * * * * * + +_LONDON:_ + +PRINTED FOR J. JOHNSON, NO. 72, ST. PAUL'S + CHURCH-YARD; AND G. G. AND J. ROBINSON, + PATERNOSTER-ROW. + 1798. + + +LETTERS +AND +MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. + + +IN TWO VOLUMES. + + + +VOL. I. + + + + +PREFACE. + + +THE following Letters may possibly be found to contain the finest +examples of the language of sentiment and passion ever presented to the +world. They bear a striking resemblance to the celebrated romance of +Werter, though the incidents to which they relate are of a very different +cast. Probably the readers to whom Werter is incapable of affording +pleasure, will receive no delight from the present publication. The +editor apprehends that, in the judgment of those best qualified to +decide upon the comparison, these Letters will be admitted to have the +superiority over the fiction of Goethe. They are the offspring of a +glowing imagination, and a heart penetrated with the passion it essays to +describe. + +To the series of letters constituting the principal article in these two +volumes, are added various pieces, none of which, it is hoped, will be +found discreditable to the talents of the author. The slight fragment of +Letters on the Management of Infants, may be thought a trifle; but it +seems to have some value, as presenting to us with vividness the +intention of the writer on this important subject. The publication of a +few select Letters to Mr. Johnson, appeared to be at once a just monument +to the sincerity of his friendship, and a valuable and interesting +specimen of the mind of the writer. The Letter on the Present Character +of the French Nation, the Extract of the Cave of Fancy, a Tale, and the +Hints for the Second Part of the Rights of Woman, may, I believe, safely +be left to speak for themselves. The Essay on Poetry and our Relish for +the Beauties of Nature, appeared in the Monthly Magazine for April last, +and is the only piece in this collection which has previously found its +way to the press. + + + + +LETTERS. + + +LETTER I. + +Two o'Clock. + +MY dear love, after making my arrangements for our snug dinner to-day, I +have been taken by storm, and obliged to promise to dine, at an early +hour, with the Miss ----s, the _only_ day they intend to pass here. I +shall however leave the key in the door, and hope to find you at my +fire-side when I return, about eight o'clock. Will you not wait for poor +Joan?--whom you will find better, and till then think very +affectionately of her. + +Yours, truly, + +* * * * + +I am sitting down to dinner; so do not send an answer. + + * * * * * + +LETTER II. + +Past Twelve o'Clock, Monday night. + +[August.] + +I OBEY an emotion of my heart, which made me think of wishing thee, my +love, good-night! before I go to rest, with more tenderness than I can +to-morrow, when writing a hasty line or two under Colonel ----'s eye. You +can scarcely imagine with what pleasure I anticipate the day, when we +are to begin almost to live together; and you would smile to hear how +many plans of employment I have in my head, now that I am confident my +heart has found peace in your bosom.--Cherish me with that dignified +tenderness, which I have only found in you; and your own dear girl will +try to keep under a quickness of feeling, that has sometimes given you +pain--Yes, I will be _good_, that I may deserve to be happy; and whilst +you love me, I cannot again fall into the miserable state, which rendered +life a burthen almost too heavy to be borne. + +But, good-night!--God bless you! Sterne says, that is equal to a +kiss--yet I would rather give you the kiss into the bargain, glowing with +gratitude to Heaven, and affection to you. I like the word affection, +because it signifies something habitual; and we are soon to meet, to try +whether we have mind enough to keep our hearts warm. + +* * * * + +I will be at the barrier a little after ten o'clock +to-morrow[4-A].--Yours-- + + * * * * * + +LETTER III. + +Wednesday Morning. + +YOU have often called me, dear girl, but you would now say good, did you +know how very attentive I have been to the ---- ever since I came to +Paris. I am not however going to trouble you with the account, because I +like to see your eyes praise me; and, Milton insinuates, that, during +such recitals, there are interruptions, not ungrateful to the heart, when +the honey that drops from the lips is not merely words. + +Yet, I shall not (let me tell you before these people enter, to force me +to huddle away my letter) be content with only a kiss of DUTY--you _must_ +be glad to see me--because you are glad--or I will make love to the +_shade_ of Mirabeau, to whom my heart continually turned, whilst I was +talking with Madame ----, forcibly telling me, that it will ever have +sufficient warmth to love, whether I will or not, sentiment, though I so +highly respect principle.---- + +Not that I think Mirabeau utterly devoid of principles--Far from it--and, +if I had not begun to form a new theory respecting men, I should, in the +vanity of my heart, have _imagined_ that _I_ could have made something of +his----it was composed of such materials--Hush! here they come--and love +flies away in the twinkling of an eye, leaving a little brush of his wing +on my pale cheeks. + +I hope to see Dr. ---- this morning; I am going to Mr. ----'s to meet +him. ----, and some others, are invited to dine with us to-day; and +to-morrow I am to spend the day with ----. + +I shall probably not be able to return to ---- to-morrow; but it is no +matter, because I must take a carriage, I have so many books, that I +immediately want, to take with me.--On Friday then I shall expect you to +dine with me--and, if you come a little before dinner, it is so long +since I have seen you, you will not be scolded by yours affectionately + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER IV[7-A]. + +Friday Morning [September.] + +A MAN, whom a letter from Mr. ----previously announced, called here +yesterday for the payment of a draft; and, as he seemed disappointed at +not finding you at home, I sent him to Mr. ----. I have since seen him, +and he tells me that he has settled the business. + +So much for business!--May I venture to talk a little longer about less +weighty affairs?--How are you?--I have been following you all along the +road this comfortless weather; for, when I am absent from those I love, +my imagination is as lively, as if my senses had never been gratified by +their presence--I was going to say caresses--and why should I not? I have +found out that I have more mind than you, in one respect; because I can, +without any violent effort of reason, find food for love in the same +object, much longer than you can.--The way to my senses is through my +heart; but, forgive me! I think there is sometimes a shorter cut to +yours. + +With ninety-nine men out of a hundred, a very sufficient dash of folly is +necessary to render a woman _piquante_, a soft word for desirable; and, +beyond these casual ebullitions of sympathy, few look for enjoyment by +fostering a passion in their hearts. One reason, in short, why I wish my +whole sex to become wiser, is, that the foolish ones may not, by their +pretty folly, rob those whose sensibility keeps down their vanity, of the +few roses that afford them some solace in the thorny road of life. + +I do not know how I fell into these reflections, excepting one thought +produced it--that these continual separations were necessary to warm your +affection.--Of late, we are always separating.--Crack!--crack!--and away +you go.--This joke wears the sallow cast of thought; for, though I began +to write cheerfully, some melancholy tears have found their way into my +eyes, that linger there, whilst a glow of tenderness at my heart whispers +that you are one of the best creatures in the world.--Pardon then the +vagaries of a mind, that has been almost "crazed by care," as well as +"crossed in hapless love," and bear with me a _little_ longer!--When we +are settled in the country together, more duties will open before me, and +my heart, which now, trembling into peace, is agitated by every emotion +that awakens the remembrance of old griefs, will learn to rest on yours, +with that dignity your character, not to talk of my own, demands. + +Take care of yourself--and write soon to your own girl (you may add dear, +if you please) who sincerely loves you, and will try to convince you of +it, by becoming happier. + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER V. + +Sunday Night. + +I HAVE just received your letter, and feel as if I could not go to bed +tranquilly without saying a few words in reply--merely to tell you, that +my mind is serene, and my heart affectionate. + +Ever since you last saw me inclined to faint, I have felt some gentle +twitches, which make me begin to think, that I am nourishing a creature +who will soon be sensible of my care.--This thought has not only produced +an overflowing of tenderness to you, but made me very attentive to calm +my mind and take exercise, lest I should destroy an object, in whom we +are to have a mutual interest, you know. Yesterday--do not +smile!--finding that I had hurt myself by lifting precipitately a large +log of wood, I sat down in an agony, till I felt those said twitches +again. + +Are you very busy? +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +So you may reckon on its being finished soon, though not before you come +home, unless you are detained longer than I now allow myself to believe +you will.-- + +Be that as it may, write to me, my best love, and bid me be +patient--kindly--and the expressions of kindness will again beguile the +time, as sweetly as they have done to-night.--Tell me also over and over +again, that your happiness (and you deserve to be happy!) is closely +connected with mine, and I will try to dissipate, as they rise, the fumes +of former discontent, that have too often clouded the sunshine, which you +have endeavoured to diffuse through my mind. God bless you! Take care of +yourself, and remember with tenderness your affectionate + +* * * * + +I am going to rest very happy, and you have made me so.--This is the +kindest good-night I can utter. + + * * * * * + +LETTER VI. + +Friday Morning. + +I AM glad to find that other people can be unreasonable, as well as +myself--for be it known to thee, that I answered thy _first_ letter, the +very night it reached me (Sunday), though thou couldst not receive it +before Wednesday, because it was not sent off till the next day.--There +is a full, true, and particular account.-- + +Yet I am not angry with thee, my love, for I think that it is a proof of +stupidity, and likewise of a milk-and-water affection, which comes to the +same thing, when the temper is governed by a square and compass.--There +is nothing picturesque in this straight-lined equality, and the passions +always give grace to the actions. + +Recollection now makes my heart bound to thee; but, it is not to thy +money-getting face, though I cannot be seriously displeased with the +exertion which increases my esteem, or rather is what I should have +expected from thy character.--No; I have thy honest countenance before +me--Pop--relaxed by tenderness; a little--little wounded by my whims; and +thy eyes glistening with sympathy.--Thy lips then feel softer than +soft--and I rest my cheek on thine, forgetting all the world.--I have not +left the hue of love out of the picture--the rosy glow; and fancy has +spread it over my own cheeks, I believe, for I feel them burning, whilst +a delicious tear trembles in my eye, that would be all your own, if a +grateful emotion directed to the Father of nature, who has made me thus +alive to happiness, did not give more warmth to the sentiment it +divides--I must pause a moment. + +Need I tell you that I am tranquil after writing thus?--I do not know +why, but I have more confidence in your affection, when absent, than +present; nay, I think that you must love me, for, in the sincerity of my +heart let me say it, I believe I deserve your tenderness, because I am +true, and have a degree of sensibility that you can see and relish. + +Yours sincerely + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER VII. + +Sunday Morning [December 29.] + +YOU seem to have taken up your abode at H----. Pray sir! when do you +think of coming home? or, to write very considerately, when will business +permit you? I shall expect (as the country people say in England) that +you will make a _power_ of money to indemnify me for your absence. + +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- + +Well! but, my love, to the old story--am I to see you this week, or this +month?--I do not know what you are about--for, as you did not tell me, I +would not ask Mr. ----, who is generally pretty communicative. + +I long to see Mrs. ------; not to hear from you, so do not give yourself +airs, but to get a letter from Mr. ----. And I am half angry with you for +not informing me whether she had brought one with her or not.--On this +score I will cork up some of the kind things that were ready to drop from +my pen, which has never been dipt in gall when addressing you; or, will +only suffer an exclamation--"The creature!" or a kind look, to escape me, +when I pass the slippers--which I could not remove from my _salle_ door, +though they are not the handsomest of their kind. + +Be not too anxious to get money!--for nothing worth having is to be +purchased. God bless you. + +Yours affectionately + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER VIII. + +Monday Night [December 30.] + +MY best love, your letter to-night was particularly grateful to my heart, +depressed by the letters I received by ----, for he brought me several, +and the parcel of books directed to Mr. ------ was for me. Mr. ------'s +letter was long and very affectionate; but the account he gives me of his +own affairs, though he obviously makes the best of them, has vexed me. + +A melancholy letter from my sister ------ has also harrassed my +mind--that from my brother would have given me sincere pleasure; but for +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +There is a spirit of independence in his letter, that will please you; +and you shall see it, when we are once more over the fire together.--I +think that you would hail him as a brother, with one of your tender +looks, when your heart not only gives a lustre to your eye, but a dance +of playfulness, that he would meet with a glow half made up of +bashfulness, and a desire to please the----where shall I find a word to +express the relationship which subsists between us?--Shall I ask the +little twitcher?--But I have dropt half the sentence that was to tell you +how much he would be inclined to love the man loved by his sister. I have +been fancying myself sitting between you, ever since I began to write, +and my heart has leaped at the thought!--You see how I chat to you. + +I did not receive your letter till I came home; and I did not expect it, +for the post came in much later than usual. It was a cordial to me--and I +wanted one. + +Mr. ---- tells me that he has written again and again.--Love him a +little!--It would be a kind of separation, if you did not love those I +love. + +There was so much considerate tenderness in your epistle to-night, that, +if it has not made you dearer to me, it has made me forcibly feel how +very dear you are to me, by charming away half my cares. + +Yours affectionately + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER IX. + +Tuesday Morning [December 31.] + +THOUGH I have just sent a letter off, yet, as captain ---- offers to take +one, I am not willing to let him go without a kind greeting, because +trifles of this sort, without having any effect on my mind, damp my +spirits:--and you, with all your struggles to be manly, have some of this +same sensibility.--Do not bid it begone, for I love to see it striving to +master your features; besides, these kind of sympathies are the life of +affection: and why, in cultivating our understandings, should we try to +dry up these springs of pleasure, which gush out to give a freshness to +days browned by care! + +The books sent to me are such as we may read together; so I shall not +look into them till you return; when you shall read, whilst I mend my +stockings. + +Yours truly + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER X. + +Wednesday Night [January 1.] + +AS I have been, you tell me, three days without writing, I ought not to +complain of two: yet, as I expected to receive a letter this afternoon, I +am hurt; and why should I, by concealing it, affect the heroism I do not +feel? + +I hate commerce. How differently must ------'s head and heart be +organized from mine! You will tell me, that exertions are necessary: I am +weary of them! The face of things, public and private, vexes me. The +"peace" and clemency which seemed to be dawning a few days ago, disappear +again. "I am fallen," as Milton said, "on evil days;" for I really +believe that Europe will be in a state of convulsion, during half a +century at least. Life is but a labour of patience: it is always rolling +a great stone up a hill; for, before a person can find a resting-place, +imagining it is lodged, down it comes again, and all the work is to be +done over anew! + +Should I attempt to write any more, I could not change the strain. My +head aches, and my heart is heavy. The world appears an "unweeded +garden," where "things rank and vile" flourish best. + +If you do not return soon--or, which is no such mighty matter, talk of +it--I will throw your slippers out at window, and be off--nobody knows +where. + +* * * * + +Finding that I was observed, I told the good women, the two Mrs. ----s, +simply that I was with child: and let them stare! and ------, and ------, +nay, all the world, may know it for aught I care!--Yet I wish to avoid +------'s coarse jokes. + +Considering the care and anxiety a woman must have about a child before +it comes into the world, it seems to me, by a _natural right_, to belong +to her. When men get immersed in the world, they seem to lose all +sensations, excepting those necessary to continue or produce life!--Are +these the privileges of reason? Amongst the feathered race, whilst the +hen keeps the young warm, her mate stays by to cheer her; but it is +sufficient for man to condescend to get a child, in order to claim it.--A +man is a tyrant! + +You may now tell me, that, if it were not for me, you would be laughing +away with some honest fellows in L--n. The casual exercise of social +sympathy would not be sufficient for me--I should not think such an +heartless life worth preserving.--It is necessary to be in good-humour +with you, to be pleased with the world. + + * * * * * + +Thursday Morning. + +I WAS very low-spirited last night, ready to quarrel with your cheerful +temper, which makes absence easy to you.--And, why should I mince the the +matter? I was offended at your not even mentioning it.--I do not want to +be loved like a goddess; but I wish to be necessary to you. God bless +you[27-A]! + + * * * * * + +LETTER XI. + +Monday Night. + +I HAVE just received your kind and rational letter, and would fain hide +my face, glowing with shame for my folly.--I would hide it in your bosom, +if you would again open it to me, and nestle closely till you bade my +fluttering heart be still, by saying that you forgave me. With eyes +overflowing with tears, and in the humblest attitude, I intreat you.--Do +not turn from me, for indeed I love you fondly, and have been very +wretched, since the night I was so cruelly hurt by thinking that you had +no confidence in me---- + +It is time for me to grow more reasonable, a few more of these caprices +of sensibility would destroy me. I have, in fact, been very much +indisposed for a few days past, and the notion that I was tormenting, or +perhaps killing, a poor little animal, about whom I am grown anxious and +tender, now I feel it alive, made me worse. My bowels have been +dreadfully disordered, and every thing I ate or drank disagreed with my +stomach; still I feel intimations of its existence, though they have been +fainter. + +Do you think that the creature goes regularly to sleep? I am ready to ask +as many questions as Voltaire's Man of Forty Crowns. Ah! do not continue +to be angry with me! You perceive that I am already smiling through my +tears--You have lightened my heart, and my frozen spirits are melting +into playfulness. + +Write the moment you receive this. I shall count the minutes. But drop +not an angry word--I cannot now bear it. Yet, if you think I deserve a +scolding (it does not admit of a question, I grant), wait till you come +back--and then, if you are angry one day, I shall be sure of seeing you +the next. + +------ did not write to you, I suppose, because he talked of going to +H----. Hearing that I was ill, he called very kindly on me, not dreaming +that it was some words that he incautiously let fall, which rendered me +so. + +God bless you, my love; do not shut your heart against a return of +tenderness; and, as I now in fancy cling to you, be more than ever my +support.--Feel but as affectionate when you read this letter, as I did +writing it, and you will make happy, your + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XII. + +Wednesday Morning. + +I WILL never, if I am not entirely cured of quarrelling, begin to +encourage "quick-coming fancies," when we are separated. Yesterday, my +love, I could not open your letter for some time; and, though it was not +half as severe as I merited, it threw me into such a fit of trembling, as +seriously alarmed me. I did not, as you may suppose, care for a little +pain on my own account; but all the fears which I have had for a few days +past, returned with fresh force. This morning I am better; will you not +be glad to hear it? You perceive that sorrow has almost made a child of +me, and that I want to be soothed to peace. + +One thing you mistake in my character, and imagine that to be coldness +which is just the contrary. For, when I am hurt by the person most dear +to me, I must let out a whole torrent of emotions, in which tenderness +would be uppermost, or stifle them altogether; and it appears to me +almost a duty to stifle them, when I imagine _that I am treated with +coldness_. + +I am afraid that I have vexed you, my own ----. I know the quickness of +your feelings--and let me, in the sincerity of my heart, assure you, +there is nothing I would not suffer to make you happy. My own happiness +wholly depends on you--and, knowing you, when my reason is not clouded, I +look forward to a rational prospect of as much felicity as the earth +affords--with a little dash of rapture into the bargain, if you will look +at me, when we meet again, as you have sometimes greeted, your humbled, +yet most affectionate + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XIII. + +Thursday Night. + +I HAVE been wishing the time away, my kind love, unable to rest till I +knew that my penitential letter had reached your hand--and this +afternoon, when your tender epistle of Tuesday gave such exquisite +pleasure to your poor sick girl, her heart smote her to think that you +were still to receive another cold one.--Burn it also, my ----; yet do +not forget that even those letters were full of love; and I shall ever +recollect, that you did not wait to be mollified by my penitence, before +you took me again to your heart. + +I have been unwell, and would not, now I am recovering, take a journey, +because I have been seriously alarmed and angry with myself, dreading +continually the fatal consequence of my folly.--But, should you think it +right to remain at H--, I shall find some opportunity, in the course of a +fortnight, or less perhaps, to come to you, and before then I shall be +strong again.--Yet do not be uneasy! I am really better, and never took +such care of myself, as I have done since you restored my peace of mind. +The girl is come to warm my bed--so I will tenderly say, good night! and +write a line or two in the morning. + +Morning. + +I WISH you were here to walk with me this fine morning! yet your absence +shall not prevent me. I have stayed at home too much; though, when I was +so dreadfully out of spirits, I was careless of every thing. + +I will now sally forth (you will go with me in my heart) and try whether +this fine bracing air will not give the vigour to the poor babe, it had, +before I so inconsiderately gave way to the grief that deranged my +bowels, and gave a turn to my whole system. + +Yours truly + +* * * * * * * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XIV. + +Saturday Morning. + +THE two or three letters, which I have written to you lately, my love, +will serve as an answer to your explanatory one. I cannot but respect +your motives and conduct. I always respected them; and was only hurt, by +what seemed to me a want of confidence, and consequently affection.--I +thought also, that if you were obliged to stay three months at H--, I +might as well have been with you.--Well! well, what signifies what I +brooded over--Let us now be friends! + +I shall probably receive a letter from you to-day, sealing my pardon--and +I will be careful not to torment you with my querulous humours, at +least, till I see you again. Act as circumstances direct, and I will not +enquire when they will permit you to return, convinced that you will +hasten to your * * * *, when you have attained (or lost sight of) the +object of your journey. + +What a picture have you sketched of our fire-side! Yes, my love, my fancy +was instantly at work, and I found my head on your shoulder, whilst my +eyes were fixed on the little creatures that were clinging about your +knees. I did not absolutely determine that there should be six--if you +have not set your heart on this round number. + +I am going to dine with Mrs. ----. I have not been to visit her since the +first day she came to Paris. I wish indeed to be out in the air as much +as I can; for the exercise I have taken these two or three days past, +has been of such service to me, that I hope shortly to tell you, that I +am quite well. I have scarcely slept before last night, and then not +much.--The two Mrs. ------s have been very anxious and tender. + +Yours truly + +* * * * + +I need not desire you to give the colonel a good bottle of wine. + + * * * * * + +LETTER XV. + +Sunday Morning. + +I WROTE to you yesterday, my ----; but, finding that the colonel is still +detained (for his passport was forgotten at the office yesterday) I am +not willing to let so many days elapse without your hearing from me, +after having talked of illness and apprehensions. + +I cannot boast of being quite recovered, yet I am (I must use my +Yorkshire phrase; for, when my heart is warm, pop come the expressions of +childhood into my head) so _lightsome_, that I think it will not _go +badly with me_.--And nothing shall be wanting on my part, I assure you; +for I am urged on, not only by an enlivened affection for you, but by a +new-born tenderness that plays cheerly round my dilating heart. + +I was therefore, in defiance of cold and dirt, out in the air the greater +part of yesterday; and, if I get over this evening without a return of +the fever that has tormented me, I shall talk no more of illness. I have +promised the little creature, that its mother, who ought to cherish it, +will not again plague it, and begged it to pardon me; and, since I could +not hug either it or you to my breast, I have to my heart.--I am afraid +to read over this prattle--but it is only for your eye. + +I have been seriously vexed, to find that, whilst you were harrassed by +impediments in your undertakings, I was giving you additional +uneasiness.--If you can make any of your plans answer--it is well, I do +not think a _little_ money inconvenient; but, should they fail, we will +struggle cheerfully together--drawn closer by the pinching blasts of +poverty. + +Adieu, my love! Write often to your poor girl, and write long letters; +for I not only like them for being longer, but because more heart steals +into them; and I am happy to catch your heart whenever I can. + +Yours sincerely + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XVI. + +Tuesday Morning. + +I SEIZE this opportunity to inform you, that I am to set out on Thursday +with Mr. ------, and hope to tell you soon (on your lips) how glad I +shall be to see you. I have just got my passport, so I do not foresee any +impediment to my reaching H----, to bid you good-night next Friday in my +new apartment--where I am to meet you and love, in spite of care, to +smile me to sleep--for I have not caught much rest since we parted. + +You have, by your tenderness and worth, twisted yourself more artfully +round my heart, than I supposed possible.--Let me indulge the thought, +that I have thrown out some tendrils to cling to the elm by which I wish +to be supported.--This is talking a new language for me!--But, knowing +that I am not a parasite-plant, I am willing to receive the proofs of +affection, that every pulse replies to, when I think of being once more +in the same house with you.--God bless you! + +Yours truly + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XVII. + +Wednesday Morning. + +I ONLY send this as an _avant-coureur_, without jack-boots, to tell you, +that I am again on the wing, and hope to be with you a few hours after +you receive it. I shall find you well, and composed, I am sure; or, more +properly speaking, cheerful.--What is the reason that my spirits are not +as manageable as yours? Yet, now I think of it, I will not allow that +your temper is even, though I have promised myself, in order to obtain my +own forgiveness, that I will not ruffle it for a long, long time--I am +afraid to say never. + +Farewell for a moment!--Do not forget that I am driving towards you in +person! My mind, unfettered, has flown to you long since, or rather has +never left you. + +I am well, and have no apprehension that I shall find the journey too +fatiguing, when I follow the lead of my heart.--With my face turned to +H--my spirits will not sink--and my mind has always hitherto enabled my +body to do whatever I wished. + +Yours affectionately + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XVIII. + +H--, Thursday Morning, March 12. + +WE are such creatures of habit, my love, that, though I cannot say I was +sorry, childishly so, for your going, when I knew that you were to stay +such a short time, and I had a plan of employment; yet I could not +sleep.--I turned to your side of the bed, and tried to make the most of +the comfort of the pillow, which you used to tell me I was churlish +about; but all would not do.--I took nevertheless my walk before +breakfast, though the weather was not very inviting--and here I am, +wishing you a finer day, and seeing you peep over my shoulder, as I +write, with one of your kindest looks--when your eyes glisten, and a +suffusion creeps over your relaxing features. + +But I do not mean to dally with you this morning--So God bless you! Take +care of yourself--and sometimes fold to your heart your affectionate + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XIX. + +DO not call me stupid, for leaving on the table the little bit of paper I +was to inclose.--This comes of being in love at the fag-end of a letter +of business.--You know, you say, they will not chime together.--I had got +you by the fire-side, with the _gigot_ smoking on the board, to lard your +poor bare ribs--and behold, I closed my letter without taking the paper +up, that was directly under my eyes!--What had I got in them to render me +so blind?--I give you leave to answer the question, if you will not +scold; for I am + +Yours most affectionately + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XX. + +Sunday, August 17. + +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- + +I have promised ------ to go with him to his country-house, where he is +now permitted to dine--I, and the little darling, to be sure[47-A]--whom +I cannot help kissing with more fondness, since you left us. I think I +shall enjoy the fine prospect, and that it will rather enliven, than +satiate my imagination. + +I have called on Mrs. ------. She has the manners of a gentlewoman, with +a dash of the easy French coquetry, which renders her _piquante_.--But +_Monsieur_ her husband, whom nature never dreamed of casting in either +the mould of a gentleman or lover, makes but an aukward figure in the +foreground of the picture. + +The H----s are very ugly, without doubt--and the house smelt of commerce +from top to toe--so that his abortive attempt to display taste, only +proved it to be one of the things not to be bought with gold. I was in a +room a moment alone, and my attention was attracted by the _pendule_--A +nymph was offering up her vows before a smoking altar, to a fat-bottomed +Cupid (saving your presence), who was kicking his heels in the air.--Ah! +kick on, thought I; for the demon of traffic will ever fright away the +loves and graces, that streak with the rosy beams of infant fancy the +_sombre_ day of life--whilst the imagination, not allowing us to see +things as they are, enables us to catch a hasty draught of the running +stream of delight, the thirst for which seems to be given only to +tantalize us. + +But I am philosophizing; nay, perhaps you will call me severe, and bid me +let the square-headed money-getters alone.--Peace to them! though none of +the social sprites (and there are not a few of different descriptions, +who sport about the various inlets to my heart) gave me a twitch to +restrain my pen. + +I have been writing on, expecting poor ------ to come; for, when I began, +I merely thought of business; and, as this is the idea that most +naturally associates with your image, I wonder I stumbled on any other. + +Yet, as common life, in my opinion, is scarcely worth having, even with a +_gigot_ every day, and a pudding added thereunto, I will allow you to +cultivate my judgment, if you will permit me to keep alive the sentiments +in your heart, which may be termed romantic, because, the offspring of +the senses and the imagination, they resemble the mother more than the +father[50-A], when they produce the suffusion I admire.--In spite of icy +age, I hope still to see it, if you have not determined only to eat and +drink, and be stupidly useful to the stupid-- + +Yours + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XXI. + +H--, August 19, Tuesday. + +I RECEIVED both your letters to-day--I had reckoned on hearing from you +yesterday, therefore was disappointed, though I imputed your silence to +the right cause. I intended answering your kind letter immediately, that +you might have felt the pleasure it gave me; but ------ came in, and +some other things interrupted me; so that the fine vapour has +evaporated--yet, leaving a sweet scent behind, I have only to tell you, +what is sufficiently obvious, that the earnest desire I have shown to +keep my place, or gain more ground in your heart, is a sure proof how +necessary your affection is to my happiness.--Still I do not think it +false delicacy, or foolish pride, to wish that your attention to my +happiness should arise _as much_ from love, which is always rather a +selfish passion, as reason--that is, I want you to promote my felicity, +by seeking your own.--For, whatever pleasure it may give me to discover +your generosity of soul, I would not be dependent for your affection on +the very quality I most admire. No; there are qualities in your heart, +which demand my affection; but, unless the attachment appears to me +clearly mutual, I shall labour only to esteem your character, instead of +cherishing a tenderness for your person. + +I write in a hurry, because the little one, who has been sleeping a long +time, begins to call for me. Poor thing! when I am sad, I lament that all +my affections grow on me, till they become too strong for my peace, +though they all afford me snatches of exquisite enjoyment--This for our +little girl was at first very reasonable--more the effect of reason, a +sense of duty, than feeling--now, she has got into my heart and +imagination, and when I walk out without her, her little figure is ever +dancing before me. + +You too have somehow clung round my heart--I found I could not eat my +dinner in the great room--and, when I took up the large knife to carve +for myself, tears rushed into my eyes.--Do not however suppose that I am +melancholy--for, when you are from me, I not only wonder how I can find +fault with you--but how I can doubt your affection. + +I will not mix any comments on the inclosed (it roused my indignation) +with the effusion of tenderness, with which I assure you, that you are +the friend of my bosom, and the prop of my heart. + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XXII. + +H--, August 20. + +I WANT to know what steps you have taken respecting ----. Knavery always +rouses my indignation--I should be gratified to hear that the law had +chastised ------ severely; but I do not wish you to see him, because the +business does not now admit of peaceful discussion, and I do not exactly +know how you would express your contempt. + +Pray ask some questions about Tallien--I am still pleased with the +dignity of his conduct.--The other day, in the cause of humanity, he made +use of a degree of address, which I admire--and mean to point out to +you, as one of the few instances of address which do credit to the +abilities of the man, without taking away from that confidence in his +openness of heart, which is the true basis of both public and private +friendship. + +Do not suppose that I mean to allude to a little reserve of temper in +you, of which I have sometimes complained! You have been used to a +cunning woman, and you almost look for cunning--Nay, in _managing_ my +happiness, you now and then wounded my sensibility, concealing yourself, +till honest sympathy, giving you to me without disguise, lets me look +into a heart, which my half-broken one wishes to creep into, to be +revived and cherished.----You have frankness of heart, but not often +exactly that overflowing (_epanchement de coeur_), which becoming almost +childish, appears a weakness only to the weak. + +But I have left poor Tallien. I wanted you to enquire likewise whether, +as a member declared in the convention, Robespierre really maintained a +_number_ of mistresses.--Should it prove so, I suspect that they rather +flattered his vanity than his senses. + +Here is a chatting, desultory epistle! But do not suppose that I mean to +close it without mentioning the little damsel--who has been almost +springing out of my arm--she certainly looks very like you--but I do not +love her the less for that, whether I am angry or pleased with you.-- + +Yours affectionately + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XXIII[58-A]. + +September 22. + +I HAVE just written two letters, that are going by other conveyances, and +which I reckon on your receiving long before this. I therefore merely +write, because I know I should be disappointed at seeing any one who had +left you, if you did not send a letter, were it ever so short, to tell me +why you did not write a longer--and you will want to be told, over and +over again, that our little Hercules is quite recovered. + +Besides looking at me, there are three other things, which delight +her--to ride in a coach, to look at a scarlet waistcoat, and hear loud +music--yesterday, at the _fete_, she enjoyed the two latter; but, to +honour J. J. Rousseau, I intend to give her a sash, the first she has +ever had round her--and why not?--for I have always been half in love +with him. + +Well, this you will say is trifling--shall I talk about alum or soap? +There is nothing picturesque in your present pursuits; my imagination +then rather chuses to ramble back to the barrier with you, or to see you +coming to meet me, and my basket of grapes.--With what pleasure do I +recollect your looks and words, when I have been sitting on the window, +regarding the waving corn! + +Believe me, sage sir, you have not sufficient respect for the +imagination--I could prove to you in a trice that it is the mother of +sentiment, the great distinction of our nature, the only purifier of the +passions--animals have a portion of reason, and equal, if not more +exquisite, senses; but no trace of imagination, or her offspring taste, +appears in any of their actions. The impulse of the senses, passions, if +you will, and the conclusions of reason, draw men together; but the +imagination is the true fire, stolen from heaven, to animate this cold +creature of clay, producing all those fine sympathies that lead to +rapture, rendering men social by expanding their hearts, instead of +leaving them leisure to calculate how many comforts society affords. + +If you call these observations romantic, a phrase in this place which +would be tantamount to nonsensical, I shall be apt to retort, that you +are embruted by trade, and the vulgar enjoyments of life--Bring me then +back your barrier-face, or you shall have nothing to say to my +barrier-girl; and I shall fly from you, to cherish the remembrances that +will ever be dear to me; for I am yours truly + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XXIV. + +Evening, Sept. 23. + +I HAVE been playing and laughing with the little girl so long, that I +cannot take up my pen to address you without emotion. Pressing her to my +bosom, she looked so like you (_entre nous_, your best looks, for I do +not admire your commercial face) every nerve seemed to vibrate to the +touch, and I began to think that there was something in the assertion of +man and wife being one--for you seemed to pervade my whole frame, +quickening the beat of my heart, and lending me the sympathetic tears you +excited. + +Have I any thing more to say to you? No; not for the present--the rest is +all flown away; and, indulging tenderness for you, I cannot now complain +of some people here, who have ruffled my temper for two or three days +past. + + * * * * * + +Morning. + +YESTERDAY B---- sent to me for my packet of letters. He called on me +before; and I like him better than I did--that is, I have the same +opinion of his understanding, but I think with you, he has more +tenderness and real delicacy of feeling with respect to women, than are +commonly to be met with. His manner too of speaking of his little girl, +about the age of mine, interested me. I gave him a letter for my sister, +and requested him to see her. + +I have been interrupted. Mr. ----I suppose will write about business. +Public affairs I do not descant on, except to tell you that they write +now with great freedom and truth, and this liberty of the press will +overthrow the Jacobins, I plainly perceive. + +I hope you take care of your health. I have got a habit of restlessness +at night, which arises, I believe, from activity of mind; for, when I am +alone, that is, not near one to whom I can open my heart, I sink into +reveries and trains of thinking, which agitate and fatigue me. + +This is my third letter; when am I to hear from you? I need not tell you, +I suppose, that I am now writing with somebody in the room with me, and +---- is waiting to carry this to Mr. ----'s. I will then kiss the girl +for you, and bid you adieu. + +I desired you, in one of my other letters, to bring back to me your +barrier-face--or that you should not be loved by my barrier-girl. I know +that you will love her more and more, for she is a little affectionate, +intelligent creature, with as much vivacity, I should think, as you could +wish for. + +I was going to tell you of two or three things which displease me here; +but they are not of sufficient consequence to interrupt pleasing +sensations. I have received a letter from Mr. ----. I want you to bring +----with you. Madame S---- is by me, reading a German translation of your +letters--she desires me to give her love to you, on account of what you +say of the negroes. + +Yours most affectionately, + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XXV. + +Paris, Sept. 28. + +I HAVE written to you three or four letters; but different causes have +prevented my sending them by the persons who promised to take or forward +them. The inclosed is one I wrote to go by B----; yet, finding that he +will not arrive, before I hope, and believe, you will have set out on +your return, I inclose it to you, and shall give it in charge to ----, as +Mr. ---- is detained, to whom I also gave a letter. + +I cannot help being anxious to hear from you; but I shall not harrass you +with accounts of inquietudes, or of cares that arise from peculiar +circumstances.--I have had so many little plagues here, that I have +almost lamented that I left H----. ----, who is at best a most helpless +creature, is now, on account of her pregnancy, more trouble than use to +me, so that I still continue to be almost a slave to the child.--She +indeed rewards me, for she is a sweet little creature; for, setting aside +a mother's fondness (which, by the bye, is growing on me, her little +intelligent smiles sinking into my heart), she has an astonishing degree +of sensibility and observation. The other day by B----'s child, a fine +one, she looked like a little sprite.--She is all life and motion, and +her eyes are not the eyes of a fool--I will swear. + +I slept at St. Germain's, in the very room (if you have not forgot) in +which you pressed me very tenderly to your heart.--I did not forget to +fold my darling to mine, with sensations that are almost too sacred to +be alluded to. + +Adieu, my love! Take care of yourself, if you wish to be the protector of +your child, and the comfort of her mother. + +I have received, for you, letters from --------. I want to hear how that +affair finishes, though I do not know whether I have most contempt for +his folly or knavery. + +Your own + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XXVI. + +October 1. + +IT is a heartless task to write letters, without knowing whether they +will ever reach you.--I have given two to ----, who has been a-going, +a-going, every day, for a week past; and three others, which were written +in a low-spirited strain, a little querulous or so, I have not been able +to forward by the opportunities that were mentioned to me. _Tant mieux!_ +you will say, and I will not say nay; for I should be sorry that the +contents of a letter, when you are so far away, should damp the pleasure +that the sight of it would afford--judging of your feelings by my own. I +just now stumbled on one of the kind letters, which you wrote during your +last absence. You are then a dear affectionate creature, and I will not +plague you. The letter which you chance to receive, when the absence is +so long, ought to bring only tears of tenderness, without any bitter +alloy, into your eyes. + +After your return I hope indeed, that you will not be so immersed in +business, as during the last three or four months past--for even money, +taking into the account all the future comforts it is to procure, may be +gained at too dear a rate, if painful impressions are left on the +mind.--These impressions were much more lively, soon after you went away, +than at present--for a thousand tender recollections efface the +melancholy traces they left on my mind--and every emotion is on the same +side as my reason, which always was on yours.--Separated, it would be +almost impious to dwell on real or imaginary imperfections of +character.--I feel that I love you; and, if I cannot be happy with you, I +will seek it no where else. + +My little darling grows every day more dear to me--and she often has a +kiss, when we are alone together, which I give her for you, with all my +heart. + +I have been interrupted--and must send off my letter. The liberty of the +press will produce a great effect here--the _cry of blood will not be +vain_!--Some more monsters will perish--and the Jacobins are +conquered.--Yet I almost fear the last slap of the tail of the beast. + +I have had several trifling teazing inconveniencies here, which I shall +not now trouble you with a detail of.--I am sending ---- back; her +pregnancy rendered her useless. The girl I have got has more vivacity, +which is better for the child. + +I long to hear from you.--Bring a copy of ---- and ---- with you. + +---- is still here: he is a lost man.--He really loves his wife, and is +anxious about his children; but his indiscriminate hospitality and social +feelings have given him an inveterate habit of drinking, that destroys +his health, as well as renders his person disgusting.--If his wife had +more sense, or delicacy, she might restrain him: as it is, nothing will +save him. + +Yours most truly and affectionately + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XXVII. + +October 26. + +MY dear love, I began to wish so earnestly to hear from you, that the +sight of your letters occasioned such pleasurable emotions, I was obliged +to throw them aside till the little girl and I were alone together; and +this said little girl, our darling, is become a most intelligent little +creature, and as gay as a lark, and that in the morning too, which I do +not find quite so convenient. I once told you, that the sensations before +she was born, and when she is sucking, were pleasant; but they do not +deserve to be compared to the emotions I feel, when she stops to smile +upon me, or laughs outright on meeting me unexpectedly in the street, or +after a short absence. She has now the advantage of having two good +nurses, and I am at present able to discharge my duty to her, without +being the slave of it. + +I have therefore employed and amused myself since I got rid of ----, and +am making a progress in the language amongst other things. I have also +made some new acquaintance. I have almost _charmed_ a judge of the +tribunal, R----, who, though I should not have thought it possible, has +humanity, if not _beaucoup d'esprit_. But let me tell you, if you do not +make haste back, I shall be half in love with the author of the +_Marseillaise_, who is a handsome man, a little too broad-faced or so, +and plays sweetly on the violin. + +What do you say to this threat?--why, _entre nous_, I like to give way to +a sprightly vein, when writing to you, that is, when I am pleased with +you. "The devil," you know, is proverbially said to be "in a good humour, +when he is pleased." Will you not then be a good boy, and come back +quickly to play with your girls? but I shall not allow you to love the +new-comer best. + +-- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- + +My heart longs for your return, my love, and only looks for, and seeks +happiness with you; yet do not imagine that I childishly wish you to come +back, before you have arranged things in such a manner, that it will not +be necessary for you to leave us soon again; or to make exertions which +injure your constitution. + +Yours most truly and tenderly + +* * * * + +P.S. "You would oblige me by delivering the inclosed to Mr. ----, and +pray call for an answer.--It is for a person uncomfortably situated. + + * * * * * + +LETTER XXVIII. + +Dec. 26. + +I HAVE been, my love, for some days tormented by fears, that I would not +allow to assume a form--I had been expecting you daily--and I heard that +many vessels had been driven on shore during the late gale.--Well, I now +see your letter--and find that you are safe; I will not regret then that +your exertions have hitherto been so unavailing. + +-- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- + +Be that as it may, return to me when you have arranged the other matters, +which ---- has been crowding on you. I want to be sure that you are +safe--and not separated from me by a sea that must be passed. For, +feeling that I am happier than I ever was, do you wonder at my sometimes +dreading that fate has not done persecuting me? Come to me, my dearest +friend, husband, father of my child!--All these fond ties glow at my +heart at this moment, and dim my eyes.--With you an independence is +desirable; and it is always within our reach, if affluence escapes +us--without you the world again appears empty to me. But I am recurring +to some of the melancholy thoughts that have flitted across my mind for +some days past, and haunted my dreams. + +My little darling is indeed a sweet child; and I am sorry that you are +not here, to see her little mind unfold itself. You talk of "dalliance;" +but certainly no lover was ever more attached to his mistress, than she +is to me. Her eyes follow me every where, and by affection I have the +most despotic power over her. She is all vivacity or softness--yes; I +love her more than I thought I should. When I have been hurt at your +stay, I have embraced her as my only comfort--when pleased with you, for +looking and laughing like you; nay, I cannot, I find, long be angry with +you, whilst I am kissing her for resembling you. But there would be no +end to these details. Fold us both to your heart; for I am truly and +affectionately + +Yours + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XXIX. + +December 28. + +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- + +I do, my love, indeed sincerely sympathize with you in all your +disappointments.--Yet, knowing that you are well, and think of me with +affection, I only lament other disappointments, because I am sorry that +you should thus exert yourself in vain, and that you are kept from me. + +------, I know, urges you to stay, and is continually branching out into +new projects, because he has the idle desire to amass a large fortune, +rather an immense one, merely to have the credit of having made it. But +we who are governed by other motives, ought not to be led on by him. When +we meet, we will discuss this subject--You will listen to reason, and it +has probably occurred to you, that it will be better, in future, to +pursue some sober plan, which may demand more time, and still enable you +to arrive at the same end. It appears to me absurd to waste life in +preparing to live. + +Would it not now be possible to arrange your business in such a manner +as to avoid the inquietudes, of which I have had my share since your +departure? Is it not possible to enter into business, as an employment +necessary to keep the faculties awake, and (to sink a little in the +expressions) the pot boiling, without suffering what must ever be +considered as a secondary object, to engross the mind, and drive +sentiment and affection out of the heart? + +I am in a hurry to give this letter to the person who has promised to +forward it with ------'s. I wish then to counteract, in some measure, +what he has doubtless recommended most warmly. + +Stay, my friend, whilst it is _absolutely_ necessary.--I will give you no +tenderer name, though it glows at my heart, unless you come the moment +the settling the _present_ objects permit.--_I do not consent_ to your +taking any other journey--or the little woman and I will be off, the Lord +knows where. But, as I had rather owe every thing to your affection, and, +I may add, to your reason, (for this immoderate desire of wealth, which +makes ------ so eager to have you remain, is contrary to your principles +of action), I will not importune you.--I will only tell you, that I long +to see you--and, being at peace with you, I shall be hurt, rather than +made angry, by delays.--Having suffered so much in life, do not be +surprised if I sometimes, when left to myself, grow gloomy, and suppose +that it was all a dream, and that my happiness is not to last. I say +happiness, because remembrance retrenches all the dark shades of the +picture. + +My little one begins to show her teeth, and use her legs--She wants you +to bear your part in the nursing business, for I am fatigued with dancing +her, and yet she is not satisfied--she wants you to thank her mother for +taking such care of her, as you only can. + +Yours truly + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XXX. + +December 29. + +THOUGH I suppose you have later intelligence, yet, as ------ has just +informed me that he has an opportunity of sending immediately to you, I +take advantage of it to inclose you +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- + +How I hate this crooked business! This intercourse with the world, which +obliges one to see the worst side of human nature! Why cannot you be +content with the object you had first in view, when you entered into this +wearisome labyrinth?--I know very well that you have imperceptibly been +drawn on; yet why does one project, successful or abortive, only give +place to two others? Is it not sufficient to avoid poverty?--I am +contented to do my part; and, even here, sufficient to escape from +wretchedness is not difficult to obtain. And, let me tell you, I have my +project also--and, if you do not soon return, the little girl and I will +take care of ourselves; we will not accept any of your cold +kindness--your distant civilities--no; not we. + +This is but half jesting, for I am really tormented by the desire which +------ manifests to have you remain where you are.--Yet why do I talk to +you?--If he can persuade you--let him!--for, if you are not happier with +me, and your own wishes do not make you throw aside these eternal +projects, I am above using any arguments, though reason as well as +affection seems to offer them--if our affection be mutual, they will +occur to you--and you will act accordingly. + +Since my arrival here, I have found the German lady, of whom you have +heard me speak. Her first child died in the month; but she has another, +about the age of my ------, a fine little creature. They are still but +contriving to live----earning their daily bread--yet, though they are +but just above poverty, I envy them.--She is a tender, affectionate +mother--fatigued even by her attention.--However she has an affectionate +husband in her turn, to render her care light, and to share her pleasure. + +I will own to you that, feeling extreme tenderness for my little girl, I +grow sad very often when I am playing with her, that you are not here, to +observe with me how her mind unfolds, and her little heart becomes +attached!--These appear to me to be true pleasures--and still you suffer +them to escape you, in search of what we may never enjoy.--It is your own +maxim to "live in the present moment."--_If you do_--stay, for God's +sake; but tell me the truth--if not, tell me when I may expect to see +you, and let me not be always vainly looking for you, till I grow sick at +heart. + +Adieu! I am a little hurt.--I must take my darling to my bosom to comfort +me. + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XXXI. + +December 30. + +SHOULD you receive three or four of the letters at once which I have +written lately, do not think of Sir John Brute, for I do not mean to wife +you. I only take advantage of every occasion, that one out of three of my +epistles may reach your hands, and inform you that I am not of ------'s +opinion, who talks till he makes me angry, of the necessity of your +staying two or three months longer. I do not like this life of continual +inquietude--and, _entre nous_, I am determined to try to earn some money +here myself, in order to convince you that, if you chuse to run about the +world to get a fortune, it is for yourself--for the little girl and I +will live without your assistance, unless you are with us. I may be +termed proud--Be it so--but I will never abandon certain principles of +action. + +The common run of men have such an ignoble way of thinking, that, if they +debauch their hearts, and prostitute their persons, following perhaps a +gust of inebriation, they suppose the wife, slave rather, whom they +maintain, has no right to complain, and ought to receive the sultan, +whenever he deigns to return, with open arms, though his have been +polluted by half an hundred promiscuous amours during his absence. + +I consider fidelity and constancy as two distinct things; yet the former +is necessary, to give life to the other--and such a degree of respect do +I think due to myself, that, if only probity, which is a good thing in +its place, brings you back, never return!--for, if a wandering of the +heart, or even a caprice of the imagination detains you--there is an end +of all my hopes of happiness--I could not forgive it, if I would. + +I have gotten into a melancholy mood, you perceive. You know my opinion +of men in general; you know that I think them systematic tyrants, and +that it is the rarest thing in the world, to meet with a man with +sufficient delicacy of feeling to govern desire. When I am thus sad, I +lament that my little darling, fondly as I doat on her, is a girl.--I am +sorry to have a tie to a world that for me is ever sown with thorns. + +You will call this an ill-humoured letter, when, in fact, it is the +strongest proof of affection I can give, to dread to lose you. ------ has +taken such pains to convince me that you must and ought to stay, that it +has inconceivably depressed my spirits--You have always known my +opinion--I have ever declared, that two people, who mean to live +together, ought not to be long separated.--If certain things are more +necessary to you than me--search for them--Say but one word, and you +shall never hear of me more.--If not--for God's sake, let us struggle +with poverty--with any evil, but these continual inquietudes of business, +which I have been told were to last but a few months, though every day +the end appears more distant! This is the first letter in this strain +that I have determined to forward to you; the rest lie by, because I was +unwilling to give you pain, and I should not now write, if I did not +think that there would be no conclusion to the schemes, which demand, as +I am told, your presence. + +* * * *[91-A] + + * * * * * + +LETTER XXXII. + +January 9. + +I JUST now received one of your hasty _notes_; for business so entirely +occupies you, that you have not time, or sufficient command of thought, +to write letters. Beware! you seem to be got into a whirl of projects and +schemes, which are drawing you into a gulph, that, if it do not absorb +your happiness, will infallibly destroy mine. + +Fatigued during my youth by the most arduous struggles, not only to +obtain independence, but to render myself useful, not merely pleasure, +for which I had the most lively taste, I mean the simple pleasures that +flow from passion and affection, escaped me, but the most melancholy +views of life were impressed by a disappointed heart on my mind. Since I +knew you, I have been endeavouring to go back to my former nature, and +have allowed some time to glide away, winged with the delight which only +spontaneous enjoyment can give.--Why have you so soon dissolved the +charm? + +I am really unable to bear the continual inquietude which your and +------'s never-ending plans produce. This you may term want of +firmness--but you are mistaken--I have still sufficient firmness to +pursue my principle of action. The present misery, I cannot find a softer +word to do justice to my feelings, appears to me unnecessary--and +therefore I have not firmness to support it as you may think I ought. I +should have been content, and still wish, to retire with you to a +farm--My God! any thing, but these continual anxieties--any thing but +commerce, which debases the mind, and roots out affection from the heart. + +I do not mean to complain of subordinate inconveniences----yet I will +simply observe, that, led to expect you every week, I did not make the +arrangements required by the present circumstances, to procure the +necessaries of life. In order to have them, a servant, for that purpose +only, is indispensible--The want of wood, has made me catch the most +violent cold I ever had; and my head is so disturbed by continual +coughing, that I am unable to write without stopping frequently to +recollect myself.--This however is one of the common evils which must be +borne with----bodily pain does not touch the heart, though it fatigues +the spirits. + +Still as you talk of your return, even in February, doubtingly, I have +determined, the moment the weather changes, to wean my child.--It is too +soon for her to begin to divide sorrow!--And as one has well said, +"despair is a freeman," we will go and seek our fortune together. + +This is not a caprice of the moment--for your absence has given new +weight to some conclusions, that I was very reluctantly forming before +you left me.--I do not chuse to be a secondary object.--If your feelings +were in unison with mine, you would not sacrifice so much to visionary +prospects of future advantage. + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XXXIII. + +Jan. 15. + +I WAS just going to begin my letter with the fag end of a song, which +would only have told you, what I may as well say simply, that it is +pleasant to forgive those we love. I have received your two letters, +dated the 26th and 28th of December, and my anger died away. You can +scarcely conceive the effect some of your letters have produced on me. +After longing to hear from you during a tedious interval of suspense, I +have seen a superscription written by you.--Promising myself pleasure, +and feeling emotion, I have laid it by me, till the person who brought +it, left the room--when, behold! on opening it, I have found only half a +dozen hasty lines, that have damped all the rising affection of my soul. + +Well, now for business-- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- + +My animal is well; I have not yet taught her to eat, but nature is doing +the business. I gave her a crust to assist the cutting of her teeth; and +now she has two, she makes good use of them to gnaw a crust, biscuit, &c. +You would laugh to see her; she is just like a little squirrel; she will +guard a crust for two hours; and, after fixing her eye on an object for +some time, dart on it with an aim as sure as a bird of prey--nothing can +equal her life and spirits. I suffer from a cold; but it does not affect +her. Adieu! do not forget to love us--and come soon to tell us that you +do. + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XXXIV. + +Jan. 30. + +FROM the purport of your last letters, I would suppose that this will +scarcely reach you; and I have already written so many letters, that you +have either not received, or neglected to acknowledge, I do not find it +pleasant, or rather I have no inclination, to go over the same ground +again. If you have received them, and are still detained by new projects, +it is useless for me to say any more on the subject. I have done with it +for ever--yet I ought to remind you that your pecuniary interest suffers +by your absence. + +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- + +For my part, my head is turned giddy, by only hearing of plans to make +money, and my contemptuous feelings have sometimes burst out. I therefore +was glad that a violent cold gave me a pretext to stay at home, lest I +should have uttered unseasonable truths. + +My child is well, and the spring will perhaps restore me to myself.--I +have endured many inconveniences this winter, which should I be ashamed +to mention, if they had been unavoidable. "The secondary pleasures of +life," you say, "are very necessary to my comfort:" it may be so; but I +have ever considered them as secondary. If therefore you accuse me of +wanting the resolution necessary to bear the _common_[100-A] evils of +life; I should answer, that I have not fashioned my mind to sustain them, +because I would avoid them, cost what it would---- + +Adieu! + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XXXV. + +February 9. + +THE melancholy presentiment has for some time hung on my spirits, that we +were parted for ever; and the letters I received this day, by Mr. ----, +convince me that it was not without foundation. You allude to some other +letters, which I suppose have miscarried; for most of those I have got, +were only a few hasty lines, calculated to wound the tenderness the sight +of the superscriptions excited. + +I mean not however to complain; yet so many feelings are struggling for +utterance, and agitating a heart almost bursting with anguish, that I +find it very difficult to write with any degree of coherence. + +You left me indisposed, though you have taken no notice of it; and the +most fatiguing journey I ever had, contributed to continue it. However, I +recovered my health; but a neglected cold, and continual inquietude +during the last two months, have reduced me to a state of weakness I +never before experienced. Those who did not know that the canker-worm was +at work at the core, cautioned me about suckling my child too long.--God +preserve this poor child, and render her happier than her mother! + +But I am wandering from my subject: indeed my head turns giddy, when I +think that all the confidence I have had in the affection of others is +come to this. + +I did not expect this blow from you. I have done my duty to you and my +child; and if I am not to have any return of affection to reward me, I +have the sad consolation of knowing that I deserved a better fate. My +soul is weary--I am sick at heart; and, but for this little darling, I +would cease to care about a life, which is now stripped of every charm. + +You see how stupid I am, uttering declamation, when I meant simply to +tell you, that I consider your requesting me to come to you, as merely +dictated by honour.--Indeed, I scarcely understand you.--You request me +to come, and then tell me, that you have not given up all thoughts of +returning to this place. + +When I determined to live with you, I was only governed by affection.--I +would share poverty with you, but I turn with affright from the sea of +trouble on which you are entering.--I have certain principles of action: +I know what I look for to found my happiness on.--It is not money.--With +you I wished for sufficient to procure the comforts of life--as it is, +less will do.--I can still exert myself to obtain the necessaries of life +for my child, and she does not want more at present.--I have two or three +plans in my head to earn our subsistence; for do not suppose that, +neglected by you, I will lie under obligations of a pecuniary kind to +you!--No; I would sooner submit to menial service.--I wanted the support +of your affection--that gone, all is over!--I did not think, when I +complained of ----'s contemptible avidity to accumulate money, that he +would have dragged you into his schemes. + +I cannot write.--I inclose a fragment of a letter, written soon after +your departure, and another which tenderness made me keep back when it +was written.--You will see then the sentiments of a calmer, though not a +more determined, moment.--Do not insult me by saying, that "our being +together is paramount to every other consideration!" Were it, you would +not be running after a bubble, at the expence of my peace of mind. + +Perhaps this is the last letter you will ever receive from me. + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XXXVI. + +Feb. 10. + +YOU talk of "permanent views and future comfort"--not for me, for I am +dead to hope. The inquietudes of the last winter have finished the +business, and my heart is not only broken, but my constitution destroyed. +I conceive myself in a galloping consumption, and the continual anxiety I +feel at the thought of leaving my child, feeds the fever that nightly +devours me. It is on her account that I again write to you, to conjure +you, by all that you hold sacred, to leave her here with the German lady +you may have heard me mention! She has a child of the same age, and they +may be brought up together, as I wish her to be brought up. I shall +write more fully on the subject. To facilitate this, I shall give up my +present lodgings, and go into the same house. I can live much cheaper +there, which is now become an object. I have had 3000 livres from ----, +and I shall take one more, to pay my servant's wages, &c. and then I +shall endeavour to procure what I want by my own exertions. I shall +entirely give up the acquaintance of the Americans. + +---- and I have not been on good terms a long time. Yesterday he very +unmanlily exulted over me, on account of your determination to stay. I +had provoked it, it is true, by some asperities against commerce, which +have dropped from me, when we have argued about the propriety of your +remaining where you are; and it is no matter, I have drunk too deep of +the bitter cup to care about trifles. + +When you first entered into these plans, you bounded your views to the +gaining of a thousand pounds. It was sufficient to have procured a farm +in America, which would have been an independence. You find now that you +did not know yourself, and that a certain situation in life is more +necessary to you than you imagined--more necessary than an uncorrupted +heart--For a year or two, you may procure yourself what you call +pleasure; eating, drinking, and women; but, in the solitude of declining +life, I shall be remembered with regret--I was going to say with remorse, +but checked my pen. + +As I have never concealed the nature of my connection with you, your +reputation will not suffer. I shall never have a confident: I am content +with the approbation of my own mind; and, if there be a searcher of +hearts, mine will not be despised. Reading what you have written relative +to the desertion of women, I have often wondered how theory and practice +could be so different, till I recollected, that the sentiments of +passion, and the resolves of reason, are very distinct. As to my sisters, +as you are so continually hurried with business, you need not write to +them--I shall, when my mind is calmer. God bless you! Adieu! + +* * * * + +This has been such a period of barbarity and misery, I ought not to +complain of having my share. I wish one moment that I had never heard of +the cruelties that have been practised here, and the next envy the +mothers who have been killed with their children. Surely I had suffered +enough in life, not to be cursed with a fondness, that burns up the vital +stream I am imparting. You will think me mad: I would I were so, that I +could forget my misery--so that my head or heart would be still.---- + + * * * * * + +LETTER XXXVII. + +Feb. 19. + +WHEN I first received your letter, putting off your return to an +indefinite time, I felt so hurt, that I know not what I wrote. I am now +calmer, though it was not the kind of wound over which time has the +quickest effect; on the contrary, the more I think, the sadder I grow. +Society fatigues me inexpressibly--So much so, that finding fault with +every one, I have only reason enough, to discover that the fault is in +myself. My child alone interests me, and, but for her, I should not take +any pains to recover my health. + +As it is, I shall wean her, and try if by that step (to which I feel a +repugnance, for it is my only solace) I can get rid of my cough. +Physicians talk much of the danger attending any complaint on the lungs, +after a woman has suckled for some months. They lay a stress also on the +necessity of keeping the mind tranquil--and, my God! how has mine been +harrassed! But whilst the caprices of other women are gratified, "the +wind of heaven not suffered to visit them too rudely," I have not found +a guardian angel, in heaven or on earth, to ward off sorrow or care from +my bosom. + +What sacrifices have you not made for a woman you did not respect!--But I +will not go over this ground--I want to tell you that I do not understand +you. You say that you have not given up all thoughts of returning +here--and I know that it will be necessary--nay, is. I cannot explain +myself; but if you have not lost your memory, you will easily divine my +meaning. What! is our life then only to be made up of separations? and am +I only to return to a country, that has not merely lost all charms for +me, but for which I feel a repugnance that almost amounts to horror, only +to be left there a prey to it! + +Why is it so necessary that I should return?--brought up here, my girl +would be freer. Indeed, expecting you to join us, I had formed some plans +of usefulness that have now vanished with my hopes of happiness. + +In the bitterness of my heart, I could complain with reason, that I am +left here dependent on a man, whose avidity to acquire a fortune has +rendered him callous to every sentiment connected with social or +affectionate emotions.--With a brutal insensibility, he cannot help +displaying the pleasure your determination to stay gives him, in spite of +the effect it is visible it has had on me. + +Till I can earn money, I shall endeavour to borrow some, for I want to +avoid asking him continually for the sum necessary to maintain me.--Do +not mistake me, I have never been refused.--Yet I have gone half a dozen +times to the house to ask for it, and come away without speaking----you +must guess why--Besides, I wish to avoid hearing of the eternal projects +to which you have sacrificed my peace--not remembering--but I will be +silent for ever.---- + + * * * * * + +LETTER XXXVIII. + +April 7. + +HERE I am at H----, on the wing towards you, and I write now, only to +tell you, that you may expect me in the course of three or four days; +for I shall not attempt to give vent to the different emotions which +agitate my heart--You may term a feeling, which appears to me to be a +degree of delicacy that naturally arises from sensibility, pride--Still I +cannot indulge the very affectionate tenderness which glows in my bosom, +without trembling, till I see, by your eyes, that it is mutual. + +I sit, lost in thought, looking at the sea--and tears rush into my eyes, +when I find that I am cherishing any fond expectations.--I have indeed +been so unhappy this winter, I find it as difficult to acquire fresh +hopes, as to regain tranquillity.--Enough of this--lie still, foolish +heart!--But for the little girl, I could almost wish that it should cease +to beat, to be no more alive to the anguish of disappointment. + +Sweet little creature! I deprived myself of my only pleasure, when I +weaned her, about ten days ago.--I am however glad I conquered my +repugnance.--It was necessary it should be done soon, and I did not wish +to embitter the renewal of your acquaintance with her, by putting it off +till we met.--It was a painful exertion to me, and I thought it best to +throw this inquietude with the rest, into the sack that I would fain +throw over my shoulder.--I wished to endure it alone, in short--Yet, +after sending her to sleep in the next room for three or four nights, you +cannot think with what joy I took her back again to sleep in my bosom! + +I suppose I shall find you, when I arrive, for I do not see any necessity +for your coming to me.--Pray inform Mr. ------, that I have his little +friend with me.--My wishing to oblige him, made me put myself to some +inconvenience----and delay my departure; which was irksome to me, who +have not quite as much philosophy, I would not for the world say +indifference, as you. God bless you! + +Yours truly, + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XXXIX. + +Brighthelmstone, Saturday, April 11. + +HERE we are, my love, and mean to set out early in the morning; and, if I +can find you, I hope to dine with you to-morrow.--I shall drive to +------'s hotel, where ------ tells me you have been--and, if you have +left it, I hope you will take care to be there to receive us. + +I have brought with me Mr. ----'s little friend, and a girl whom I like +to take care of our little darling--not on the way, for that fell to my +share.--But why do I write about trifles?--or any thing?--Are we not to +meet soon?--What does your heart say! + +Yours truly + +* * * * + +I have weaned my ------, and she is now eating away at the white bread. + + * * * * * + +LETTER XL. + +London, Friday, May 22. + +I HAVE just received your affectionate letter, and am distressed to think +that I have added to your embarrassments at this troublesome juncture, +when the exertion of all the faculties of your mind appears to be +necessary, to extricate you out of your pecuniary difficulties. I suppose +it was something relative to the circumstance you have mentioned, which +made ------ request to see me to-day, to _converse about a matter of +great importance_. Be that as it may, his letter (such is the state of my +spirits) inconceivably alarmed me, and rendered the last night as +distressing, as the two former had been. + +I have laboured to calm my mind since you left me--Still I find that +tranquillity is not to be obtained by exertion; it is a feeling so +different from the resignation of despair!--I am however no longer angry +with you--nor will I ever utter another complaint--there are arguments +which convince the reason, whilst they carry death to the heart.--We have +had too many cruel explanations, that not only cloud every future +prospect; but embitter the remembrances which alone give life to +affection.--Let the subject never be revived! + +It seems to me that I have not only lost the hope, but the power of being +happy.--Every emotion is now sharpened by anguish.--My soul has been +shook, and my tone of feelings destroyed.--I have gone out--and sought +for dissipation, if not amusement, merely to fatigue still more, I find, +my irritable nerves---- + +My friend--my dear friend--examine yourself well--I am out of the +question; for, alas! I am nothing--and discover what you wish to do--what +will render you most comfortable--or, to be more explicit--whether you +desire to live with me, or part for ever? When you can once ascertain it, +tell me frankly, I conjure you!--for, believe me, I have very +involuntarily interrupted your peace. + +I shall expect you to dinner on Monday, and will endeavour to assume a +cheerful face to greet you--at any rate I will avoid conversations, +which only tend to harrass your feelings, because I am most +affectionately yours, + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XLI. + +Wednesday. + +I INCLOSE you the letter, which you desired me to forward, and I am +tempted very laconically to wish you a good morning--not because I am +angry, or have nothing to say; but to keep down a wounded spirit.--I +shall make every effort to calm my mind--yet a strong conviction seems to +whirl round in the very centre of my brain, which, like the fiat of +fate, emphatically assures me, that grief has a firm hold of my heart. + +God bless you! + +Yours sincerely + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XLII. + +--, Wednesday, Two o'Clock. + +WE arrived here about an hour ago. I am extremely fatigued with the +child, who would not rest quiet with any body but me, during the +night--and now we are here in a comfortless, damp room, in a sort of a +tomb-like house. This however I shall quickly remedy, for, when I have +finished this letter, (which I must do immediately, because the post goes +out early), I shall sally forth, and enquire about a vessel and an inn. + +I will not distress you by talking of the depression of my spirits, or +the struggle I had to keep alive my dying heart.--It is even now too full +to allow me to write with composure.--*****,--dear *****, --am I always +to be tossed about thus?--shall I never find an asylum to rest +_contented_ in? How can you love to fly about continually--dropping down, +as it were, in a new world--cold and strange!--every other day? Why do +you not attach those tender emotions round the idea of home, which even +now dim my eyes?--This alone is affection--every thing else is only +humanity, electrified by sympathy. + +I will write to you again to-morrow, when I know how long I am to be +detained--and hope to get a letter quickly from you, to cheer yours +sincerely and affectionately + +* * * * + +------ is playing near me in high spirits. She was so pleased with the +noise of the mail-horn, she has been continually imitating it.----Adieu! + + * * * * * + +LETTER XLIII. + +Thursday. + +A LADY has just sent to offer to take me to ------. I have then only a +moment to exclaim against the vague manner in which people give +information -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- + +But why talk of inconveniences, which are in fact trifling, when compared +with the sinking of the heart I have felt! I did not intend to touch this +painful string--God bless you! + +Yours truly, + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XLIV. + +Friday, June 12. + +I HAVE just received yours dated the 9th, which I suppose was a mistake, +for it could scarcely have loitered so long on the road. The general +observations which apply to the state of your own mind, appear to me +just, as far as they go; and I shall always consider it as one of the +most serious misfortunes of my life, that I did not meet you, before +satiety had rendered your senses so fastidious, as almost to close up +every tender avenue of sentiment and affection that leads to your +sympathetic heart. You have a heart, my friend, yet, hurried away by the +impetuosity of inferior feelings, you have sought in vulgar excesses, +for that gratification which only the heart can bestow. + +The common run of men, I know, with strong health and gross appetites, +must have variety to banish _ennui_, because the imagination never lends +its magic wand, to convert appetite into love, cemented by according +reason.--Ah! my friend, you know not the ineffable delight, the exquisite +pleasure, which arises from a unison of affection and desire, when the +whole soul and senses are abandoned to a lively imagination, that renders +every emotion delicate and rapturous. Yes; these are emotions, over which +satiety has no power, and the recollection of which, even disappointment +cannot disenchant; but they do not exist without self-denial. These +emotions, more or less strong, appear to me to be the distinctive +characteristic of genius, the foundation of taste, and of that exquisite +relish for the beauties of nature, of which the common herd of eaters and +drinkers and _child-begeters_, certainly have no idea. You will smile at +an observation that has just occurred to me:--I consider those minds as +the most strong and original, whose imagination acts as the stimulus to +their senses. + +Well! you will ask, what is the result of all this reasoning? Why I +cannot help thinking that it is possible for you, having great strength +of mind, to return to nature, and regain a sanity of constitution, and +purity of feeling--which would open your heart to me.--I would fain rest +there! + +Yet, convinced more than ever of the sincerity and tenderness of my +attachment to you, the involuntary hopes, which a determination to live +has revived, are not sufficiently strong to dissipate the cloud, that +despair has spread over futurity. I have looked at the sea, and at my +child, hardly daring to own to myself the secret wish, that it might +become our tomb; and that the heart, still so alive to anguish, might +there be quieted by death. At this moment ten thousand complicated +sentiments press for utterance, weigh on my heart, and obscure my sight. + +Are we ever to meet again? and will you endeavour to render that meeting +happier than the last? Will you endeavour to restrain your caprices, in +order to give vigour to affection, and to give play to the checked +sentiments that nature intended should expand your heart? I cannot +indeed, without agony, think of your bosom's being continually +contaminated; and bitter are the tears which exhaust my eyes, when I +recollect why my child and I are forced to stray from the asylum, in +which, after so many storms, I had hoped to rest, smiling at angry +fate.--These are not common sorrows; nor can you perhaps conceive, how +much active fortitude it requires to labour perpetually to blunt the +shafts of disappointment. + +Examine now yourself, and ascertain whether you can live in +something-like a settled stile. Let our confidence in future be +unbounded; consider whether you find it necessary to sacrifice me to what +you term "the zest of life;" and, when you have once a clear view of your +own motives, of your own incentive to action, do not deceive me! + +The train of thoughts which the writing of this epistle awoke, makes me +so wretched, that I must take a walk, to rouse and calm my mind. But +first, let me tell you, that, if you really wish to promote my happiness, +you will endeavour to give me as much as you can of yourself. You have +great mental energy; and your judgment seems to me so just, that it is +only the dupe of your inclination in discussing one subject. + +The post does not go out to-day. To-morrow I may write more tranquilly. I +cannot yet say when the vessel will sail in which I have determined to +depart. + + * * * * * + +Saturday Morning. + +Your second letter reached me about an hour ago. You were certainly +wrong, in supposing that I did not mention you with respect; though, +without my being conscious of it, some sparks of resentment may have +animated the gloom of despair--Yes; with less affection, I should have +been more respectful. However the regard which I have for you, is so +unequivocal to myself, I imagine that it must be sufficiently obvious to +every body else. Besides, the only letter I intended for the public eye +was to ----, and that I destroyed from delicacy before you saw them, +because it was only written (of course warmly in your praise) to prevent +any odium being thrown on you[133-A]. + +I am harrassed by your embarrassments, and shall certainly use all my +efforts, to make the business terminate to your satisfaction in which I +am engaged. + +My friend--my dearest friend--I feel my fate united to yours by the most +sacred principles of my soul, and the yearns of--yes, I will say it--a +true, unsophisticated heart. + +Yours most truly + +* * * * + +If the wind be fair, the captain talks of sailing on Monday; but I am +afraid I shall be detained some days longer. At any rate, continue to +write, (I want this support) till you are sure I am where I cannot expect +a letter; and, if any should arrive after my departure, a gentleman (not +Mr. ----'s friend, I promise you) from whom I have received great +civilities, will send them after me. + +Do write by every occasion! I am anxious to hear how your affairs go on; +and, still more, to be convinced that you are not separating yourself +from us. For my little darling is calling papa, and adding her parrot +word--Come, Come! And will you not come, and let us exert ourselves?--I +shall recover all my energy, when I am convinced that my exertions will +draw us more closely together. One more adieu! + + * * * * * + +LETTER XLV. + +Sunday, June 14. + +I RATHER expected to hear from you to-day--I wish you would not fail to +write to me for a little time, because I am not quite well--Whether I +have any good sleep or not, I wake in the morning in violent fits of +trembling--and, in spite of all my efforts, the child--every +thing--fatigues me, in which I seek for solace or amusement. + +Mr. ---- forced on me a letter to a physician of this place; it was +fortunate, for I should otherwise have had some difficulty to obtain the +necessary information. His wife is a pretty woman (I can admire, you +know, a pretty woman, when I am alone) and he an intelligent and rather +interesting man.--They have behaved to me with great hospitality; and +poor ------ was never so happy in her life, as amongst their young brood. + +They took me in their carriage to ------, and I ran over my favourite +walks, with a vivacity that would have astonished you.--The town did not +please me quite so well as formerly--It appeared so diminutive; and, when +I found that many of the inhabitants had lived in the same houses ever +since I left it, I could not help wondering how they could thus have +vegetated, whilst I was running over a world of sorrow, snatching at +pleasure, and throwing off prejudices. The place where I at present am, +is much improved; but it is astonishing what strides aristocracy and +fanaticism have made, since I resided in this country. + +The wind does not appear inclined to change, so I am still forced to +linger--When do you think that you shall be able to set out for France? I +do not entirely like the aspect of your affairs, and still less your +connections on either side of the water. Often do I sigh, when I think of +your entanglements in business, and your extreme restlessness of +mind.--Even now I am almost afraid to ask you, whether the pleasure of +being free, does not over-balance the pain you felt at parting with me? +Sometimes I indulge the hope that you will feel me necessary to you--or +why should we meet again?--but, the moment after, despair damps my rising +spirits, aggravated by the emotions of tenderness, which ought to soften +the cares of life.----God bless you! + +Yours sincerely and affectionately + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XLVI. + +June 15. + +I WANT to know how you have settled with respect to ------. In short, be +very particular in your account of all your affairs--let our confidence, +my dear, be unbounded.--The last time we were separated, was a separation +indeed on your part--Now you have acted more ingenuously, let the most +affectionate interchange of sentiments fill up the aching void of +disappointment. I almost dread that your plans will prove abortive--yet +should the most unlucky turn send you home to us, convinced that a true +friend is a treasure, I should not much mind having to struggle with the +world again. Accuse me not of pride--yet sometimes, when nature has +opened my heart to its author, I have wondered that you did not set a +higher value on my heart. + +Receive a kiss from ------, I was going to add, if you will not take one +from me, and believe me yours + +Sincerely + +* * * * + +The wind still continues in the same quarter. + + * * * * * + +LETTER XLVII. + +Tuesday Morning. + +THE captain has just sent to inform me, that I must be on board in the +course of a few hours.--I wished to have stayed till to-morrow. It would +have been a comfort to me to have received another letter from +you--Should one arrive, it will be sent after me. + +My spirits are agitated, I scarcely know why----The quitting England +seems to be a fresh parting.--Surely you will not forget me.--A thousand +weak forebodings assault my soul, and the state of my health renders me +sensible to every thing. It is surprising that in London, in a continual +conflict of mind, I was still growing better--whilst here, bowed down by +the despotic hand of fate, forced into resignation by despair, I seem to +be fading away--perishing beneath a cruel blight, that withers up all my +faculties. + +The child is perfectly well. My hand seems unwilling to add adieu! I know +not why this inexpressible sadness has taken possession of me.--It is not +a presentiment of ill. Yet, having been so perpetually the sport of +disappointment,--having a heart that has been as it were a mark for +misery, I dread to meet wretchedness in some new shape.--Well, let it +come--I care not!--what have I to dread, who have so little to hope for! +God bless you--I am most affectionately and sincerely yours + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XLVIII. + +Wednesday Morning. + +I WAS hurried on board yesterday about three o'clock, the wind having +changed. But before evening it veered round to the old point; and here we +are, in the midst of mists and water, only taking advantage of the tide +to advance a few miles. + +You will scarcely suppose that I left the town with reluctance--yet it +was even so--for I wished to receive another letter from you, and I felt +pain at parting, for ever perhaps, from the amiable family, who had +treated me with so much hospitality and kindness. They will probably send +me your letter, if it arrives this morning; for here we are likely to +remain, I am afraid to think how long. + +The vessel is very commodious, and the captain a civil, open-hearted kind +of man. There being no other passengers, I have the cabin to myself, +which is pleasant; and I have brought a few books with me to beguile +weariness; but I seem inclined, rather to employ the dead moments of +suspence in writing some effusions, than in reading. + +What are you about? How are your affairs going on? It may be a long time +before you answer these questions. My dear friend, my heart sinks within +me!--Why am I forced thus to struggle continually with my affections and +feelings?--Ah! why are those affections and feelings the source of so +much misery, when they seem to have been given to vivify my heart, and +extend my usefulness! But I must not dwell on this subject.--Will you not +endeavour to cherish all the affection you can for me? What am I +saying?--Rather forget me, if you can--if other gratifications are dearer +to you.--How is every remembrance of mine embittered by disappointment? +What a world is this!--They only seem happy, who never look beyond +sensual or artificial enjoyments.--Adieu! + +------ begins to play with the cabin-boy, and is as gay as a lark.--I +will labour to be tranquil; and am in every mood, + +Yours sincerely + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER XLIX. + +Thursday. + +HERE I am still--and I have just received your letter of Monday by the +pilot, who promised to bring it to me, if we were detained, as he +expected, by the wind.--It is indeed wearisome to be thus tossed about +without going forward.--I have a violent head-ache--yet I am obliged to +take care of the child, who is a little tormented by her teeth, because +------ is unable to do any thing, she is rendered so sick by the motion +of the ship, as we ride at anchor. + +These are however trifling inconveniences, compared with anguish of +mind--compared with the sinking of a broken heart.--To tell you the +truth, I never suffered in my life so much from depression of +spirits--from despair.--I do not sleep--or, if I close my eyes, it is to +have the most terrifying dreams, in which I often meet you with different +casts of countenance. + +I will not, my dear ------, torment you by dwelling on my sufferings--and +will use all my efforts to calm my mind, instead of deadening it--at +present it is most painfully active. I find I am not equal to these +continual struggles--yet your letter this morning has afforded me some +comfort--and I will try to revive hope. One thing let me tell you--when +we meet again--surely we are to meet!--it must be to part no more. I mean +not to have seas between us--it is more than I can support. + +The pilot is hurrying me--God bless you. + +In spite of the commodiousness of the vessel, every thing here would +disgust my senses, had I nothing else to think of--"When the mind's free, +the body's delicate;"--mine has been too much hurt to regard trifles. + +Yours most truly + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER L. + +Saturday. + +THIS is the fifth dreary day I have been imprisoned by the wind, with +every outward object to disgust the senses, and unable to banish the +remembrances that sadden my heart. + +How am I altered by disappointment!--When going to ----, ten years ago, +the elasticity of my mind was sufficient to ward off weariness--and the +imagination still could dip her brush in the rainbow of fancy, and sketch +futurity in smiling colours. Now I am going towards the North in search +of sunbeams!--Will any ever warm this desolated heart? All nature seems +to frown--or rather mourn with me.--Every thing is cold--cold as my +expectations! Before I left the shore, tormented, as I now am, by these +North east _chillers_, I could not help exclaiming--Give me, gracious +Heaven! at least, genial weather, if I am never to meet the genial +affection that still warms this agitated bosom--compelling life to linger +there. + +I am now going on shore with the captain, though the weather be rough, +to seek for milk, &c. at a little village, and to take a walk--after +which I hope to sleep--for, confined here, surrounded by disagreeable +smells, I have lost the little appetite I had; and I lie awake, till +thinking almost drives me to the brink of madness--only to the brink, for +I never forget, even in the feverish slumbers I sometimes fall into, the +misery I am labouring to blunt the the sense of, by every exertion in my +power. + +Poor ------ still continues sick, and ------ grows weary when the weather +will not allow her to remain on deck. + +I hope this will be the last letter I shall write from England to +you--are you not tired of this lingering adieu? + +Yours truly + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER LI. + +Sunday Morning. + +THE captain last night, after I had written my letter to you intended to +be left at a little village, offered to go to ---- to pass to-day. We had +a troublesome sail--and now I must hurry on board again, for the wind has +changed. + +I half expected to find a letter from you here. Had you written one +haphazard, it would have been kind and considerate--you might have known, +had you thought, that the wind would not permit me to depart. These are +attentions, more grateful to the heart than offers of service--But why +do I foolishly continue to look for them? + +Adieu! adieu! My friend--your friendship is very cold--you see I am +hurt.--God bless you! I may perhaps be, some time or other, independent +in every sense of the word--Ah! there is but one sense of it of +consequence. I will break or bend this weak heart--yet even now it is +full. + +Yours sincerely + +* * * * + +The child is well; I did not leave her on board. + + * * * * * + +LETTER LII. + +June 27, Saturday. + +I ARRIVED in ------ this afternoon, after vainly attempting to land at +----. I have now but a moment, before the post goes out, to inform you we +have got here; though not without considerable difficulty, for we were +set ashore in a boat above twenty miles below. + +What I suffered in the vessel I will not now descant upon--nor mention +the pleasure I received from the sight of the rocky coast.--This morning +however, walking to join the carriage that was to transport us to this +place, I fell, without any previous warning, senseless on the rocks--and +how I escaped with life I can scarcely guess. I was in a stupour for a +quarter of an hour; the suffusion of blood at last restored me to my +senses--the contusion is great, and my brain confused. The child is well. + +Twenty miles ride in the rain, after my accident, has sufficiently +deranged me--and here I could not get a fire to warm me, or any thing +warm to eat; the inns are mere stables--I must nevertheless go to bed. +For God's sake, let me hear from you immediately, my friend! I am not +well and yet you see I cannot die. + +Yours sincerely + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER LIII. + +June 29. + +I WROTE to you by the last post, to inform you of my arrival; and I +believe I alluded to the extreme fatigue I endured on ship-board, owing +to ------'s illness, and the roughness of the weather--I likewise +mentioned to you my fall, the effects of which I still feel, though I do +not think it will have any serious consequences. + +------ will go with me, if I find it necessary to go to ------. The inns +here are so bad, I was forced to accept of an apartment in his house. I +am overwhelmed with civilities on all sides, and fatigued with the +endeavours to amuse me, from which I cannot escape. + +My friend--my friend, I am not well--a deadly weight of sorrow lies +heavily on my heart. I am again tossed on the troubled billows of life; +and obliged to cope with difficulties, without being buoyed up by the +hopes that alone render them bearable. "How flat, dull, and +unprofitable," appears to me all the bustle into which I see people here +so eagerly enter! I long every night to go to bed, to hide my melancholy +face in my pillow; but there is a canker-worm in my bosom that never +sleeps. + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER LIV. + +July 1. + +I LABOUR in vain to calm my mind--my soul has been overwhelmed by sorrow +and disappointment. Every thing fatigues me--this is a life that cannot +last long. It is you who must determine with respect to futurity--and, +when you have, I will act accordingly--I mean, we must either resolve to +live together, or part for ever, I cannot bear these continual +struggles--But I wish you to examine carefully your own heart and mind; +and, if you perceive the least chance of being happier without me than +with me, or if your inclination leans capriciously to that side, do not +dissemble; but tell me frankly that you will never see me more. I will +then adopt the plan I mentioned to you--for we must either live together, +or I will be entirely independent. + +My heart is so oppressed, I cannot write with precision--You know however +that what I so imperfectly express, are not the crude sentiments of the +moment--You can only contribute to my comfort (it is the consolation I am +in need of) by being with me--and, if the tenderest friendship is of any +value, why will you not look to me for a degree of satisfaction that +heartless affections cannot bestow? + +Tell me then, will you determine to meet me at Basle?--I shall, I should +imagine, be at ------ before the close of August; and, after you settle +your affairs at Paris, could we not meet there? + +God bless you! + +Yours truly + +* * * * + +Poor ------ has suffered during the journey with her teeth. + + * * * * * + +LETTER LV. + +July 3. + +THERE was a gloominess diffused through your last letter, the impression +of which still rests on my mind--though, recollecting how quickly you +throw off the forcible feelings of the moment, I flatter myself it has +long since given place to your usual cheerfulness. + +Believe me (and my eyes fill with tears of tenderness as I assure you) +there is nothing I would not endure in the way of privation, rather than +disturb your tranquillity.--If I am fated to be unhappy, I will labour to +hide my sorrows in my own bosom; and you shall always find me a faithful, +affectionate friend. + +I grow more and more attached to my little girl--and I cherish this +affection without fear, because it must be a long time before it can +become bitterness of soul.--She is an interesting creature.--On +ship-board, how often as I gazed at the sea, have I longed to bury my +troubled bosom in the less troubled deep; asserting with Brutus, "that +the virtue I had followed too far, was merely an empty name!" and +nothing but the sight of her--her playful smiles, which seemed to cling +and twine round my heart--could have stopped me. + +What peculiar misery has fallen to my share! To act up to my principles, +I have laid the strictest restraint on my very thoughts--yes; not to +sully the delicacy of my feelings, I have reined in my imagination; and +started with affright from every sensation, (I allude to ----) that +stealing with balmy sweetness into my soul, led me to scent from afar the +fragrance of reviving nature. + +My friend, I have dearly paid for one conviction.--Love, in some minds, +is an affair of sentiment, arising from the same delicacy of perception +(or taste) as renders them alive to the beauties of nature, poetry, &c, +alive to the charms of those evanescent graces that are, as it were, +impalpable--they must be felt, they cannot be described. + +Love is a want of my heart. I have examined myself lately with more care +than formerly, and find, that to deaden is not to calm the mind--Aiming +at tranquillity, I have almost destroyed all the energy of my +soul--almost rooted out what renders it estimable--Yes, I have damped +that enthusiasm of character, which converts the grossest materials into +a fuel, that imperceptibly feeds hopes, which aspire above common +enjoyment. Despair, since the birth of my child, has rendered me +stupid--soul and body seemed to be fading away before the withering touch +of disappointment. + +I am now endeavouring to recover myself--and such is the elasticity of my +constitution, and the purity of the atmosphere here, that health unsought +for, begins to reanimate my countenance. + +I have the sincerest esteem and affection for you--but the desire of +regaining peace, (do you understand me?) has made me forget the respect +due to my own emotions--sacred emotions, that are the sure harbingers of +the delights I was formed to enjoy--and shall enjoy, for nothing can +extinguish the heavenly spark. + +Still, when we meet again, I will not torment you, I promise you. I blush +when I recollect my former conduct--and will not in future confound +myself with the beings whom I feel to be my inferiors.--I will listen to +delicacy, or pride. + + * * * * * + +LETTER LVI. + +July 4. + +I HOPE to hear from you by to-morrow's mail. My dearest friend! I cannot +tear my affections from you--and, though every remembrance stings me to +the soul, I think of you, till I make allowance for the very defects of +character, that have given such a cruel stab to my peace. + +Still however I am more alive, than you have seen me for a long, long +time. I have a degree of vivacity, even in my grief, which is preferable +to the benumbing stupour that, for the last year, has frozen up all my +faculties.--Perhaps this change is more owing to returning health, than +to the vigour of my reason--for, in spite of sadness (and surely I have +had my share), the purity of this air, and the being continually out in +it, for I sleep in the country every night, has made an alteration in my +appearance that really surprises me.--The rosy fingers of health already +streak my cheeks--and I have seen a _physical_ life in my eyes, after I +have been climbing the rocks, that resembled the fond, credulous hopes of +youth. + +With what a cruel sigh have I recollected that I had forgotten to +hope!--Reason, or rather experience, does not thus cruelly damp poor +------'s pleasures; she plays all day in the garden with ------'s +children, and makes friends for herself. + +Do not tell me, that you are happier without us--Will you not come to us +in Switzerland? Ah, why do not you love us with more sentiment?--why are +you a creature of such sympathy, that the warmth of your feelings, or +rather quickness of your senses, hardens your heart? It is my misfortune, +that my imagination is perpetually shading your defects, and lending you +charms, whilst the grossness of your senses makes you (call me not vain) +overlook graces in me, that only dignity of mind, and the sensibility of +an expanded heart can give.--God bless you! Adieu. + + * * * * * + +LETTER LVII. + +July 7. + +I COULD not help feeling extremely mortified last post, at not receiving +a letter from you. My being at ------was but a chance, and you might have +hazarded it; and would a year ago. + +I shall not however complain--There are misfortunes so great, as to +silence the usual expressions of sorrow--Believe me, there is such a +thing as a broken heart! There are characters whose very energy preys +upon them; and who, ever inclined to cherish by reflection some passion, +cannot rest satisfied with the common comforts of life. I have +endeavoured to fly from myself, and launched into all the dissipation +possible here, only to feel keener anguish, when alone with my child. + +Still, could any thing please me--had not disappointment cut me off from +life, this romantic country, these fine evenings, would interest me.--My +God! can any thing? and am I ever to feel alive only to painful +sensations?--But it cannot--it shall not last long. + +The post is again arrived; I have sent to seek for letters, only to be +wounded to the soul by a negative.--My brain seems on fire, I must go +into the air. + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER LVIII. + +July 14. + +I AM now on my journey to ------. I felt more at leaving my child, than I +thought I should--and, whilst at night I imagined every instant that I +heard the half-formed sounds of her voice,--I asked myself how I could +think of parting with her for ever, of leaving her thus helpless? + +Poor lamb! It may run very well in a tale, that "God will temper the +winds to the shorn lamb!" but how can I expect that she will be shielded, +when my naked bosom has had to brave continually the pitiless storm? +Yes; I could add, with poor Lear--What is the war of elements to the +pangs of disappointed affection, and the horror arising from a discovery +of a breach of confidence, that snaps every social tie! + +All is not right somewhere!--When you first knew me, I was not thus lost. +I could still confide--for I opened my heart to you--of this only comfort +you have deprived me, whilst my happiness, you tell me, was your first +object. Strange want of judgment! + +I will not complain; but, from the soundness of your understanding, I am +convinced, if you give yourself leave to reflect, you will also feel, +that your conduct to me, so far from being generous, has not been +just.--I mean not to allude to factitious principles of morality; but to +the simple basis of all rectitude.--However I did not intend to +argue--Your not writing is cruel--and my reason is perhaps disturbed by +constant wretchedness. + +Poor ------ would fain have accompanied me, out of tenderness; for my +fainting, or rather convulsion, when I landed, and my sudden changes of +countenance since, have alarmed her so much, that she is perpetually +afraid of some accident--But it would have injured the child this warm +season, as she is cutting her teeth. + +I hear not of your having written to me at ----. Very well! Act as you +please--there is nothing I fear or care for! When I see whether I can, or +cannot obtain the money I am come here about, I will not trouble you with +letters to which you do not reply. + + * * * * * + +LETTER LIX. + +July 18. + +I AM here in ----, separated from my child--and here I must remain a +month at least, or I might as well never have come. -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- + +I have begun -------- which will, I hope, discharge all my obligations of +a pecuniary kind.--I am lowered in my own eyes, on account of my not +having done it sooner. + +I shall make no further comments on your silence. God bless you! + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER LX. + +July 30. + +I HAVE just received two of your letters, dated the 26th and 30th of +June; and you must have received several from me, informing you of my +detention, and how much I was hurt by your silence. + +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- + +Write to me then, my friend, and write explicitly. I have suffered, God +knows, since I left you. Ah! you have never felt this kind of sickness of +heart!--My mind however is at present painfully active, and the sympathy +I feel almost rises to agony. But this is not a subject of complaint, it +has afforded me pleasure,--and reflected pleasure is all I have to hope +for--if a spark of hope be yet alive in my forlorn bosom. + +I will try to write with a degree of composure. I wish for us to live +together, because I want you to acquire an habitual tenderness for my +poor girl. I cannot bear to think of leaving her alone in the world, or +that she should only be protected by your sense of duty. Next to +preserving her, my most earnest wish is not to disturb your peace. I have +nothing to expect, and little to fear, in life--There are wounds that can +never be healed--but they may be allowed to fester in silence without +wincing. + +When we meet again, you shall be convinced that I have more resolution +than you give me credit for. I will not torment you. If I am destined +always to be disappointed and unhappy, I will conceal the anguish I +cannot dissipate; and the tightened cord of life or reason will at last +snap, and set me free. + +Yes; I shall be happy--This heart is worthy of the bliss its feelings +anticipate--and I cannot even persuade myself, wretched as they have made +me, that my principles and sentiments are not founded in nature and +truth. But to have done with these subjects. + +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- + +I have been seriously employed in this way since I came to ----; yet I +never was so much in the air.--I walk, I ride on horseback--row, bathe, +and even sleep in the fields; my health is consequently improved. The +child, ------informs me, is well. I long to be with her. + +Write to me immediately--were I only to think of myself, I could wish you +to return to me, poor, with the simplicity of character, part of which +you seem lately to have lost, that first attached to you. + +Yours most affectionately + +* * * * * * * * * + +I have been subscribing other letters--so I mechanically did the same to +yours. + + * * * * * + +LETTER LXI. + +August 5. + +EMPLOYMENT and exercise have been of great service to me; and I have +entirely recovered the strength and activity I lost during the time of my +nursing. I have seldom been in better health; and my mind, though +trembling to the touch of anguish, is calmer--yet still the same.--I +have, it is true, enjoyed some tranquillity, and more happiness here, +than for a long--long time past.--(I say happiness, for I can give no +other appellation to the exquisite delight this wild country and fine +summer have afforded me.)--Still, on examining my heart, I find that it +is so constituted, I cannot live without some particular affection--I am +afraid not without a passion--and I feel the want of it more in society, +than in solitude-- +-- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- + +Writing to you, whenever an affectionate epithet occurs--my eyes fill +with tears, and my trembling hand stops--you may then depend on my +resolution, when with you. If I am doomed to be unhappy, I will confine +my anguish in my own bosom--tenderness, rather than passion, has made me +sometimes overlook delicacy--the same tenderness will in future restrain +me. God bless you! + + * * * * * + +LETTER LXII. + +August 7. + +AIR, exercise, and bathing, have restored me to health, braced my +muscles, and covered my ribs, even whilst I have recovered my former +activity.--I cannot tell you that my mind is calm, though I have snatched +some moments of exquisite delight, wandering through the woods, and +resting on the rocks. + +This state of suspense, my friend, is intolerable; we must determine on +something--and soon;--we must meet shortly, or part for ever. I am +sensible that I acted foolishly--but I was wretched--when we were +together--Expecting too much, I let the pleasure I might have caught, +slip from me. I cannot live with you--I ought not--if you form another +attachment. But I promise you, mine shall not be intruded on you. Little +reason have I to expect a shadow of happiness, after the cruel +disappointments that have rent my heart; but that of my child seems to +depend on our being together. Still I do not wish you to sacrifice a +chance of enjoyment for an uncertain good. I feel a conviction, that I +can provide for her, and it shall be my object--if we are indeed to part +to meet no more. Her affection must not be divided. She must be a comfort +to me--if I am to have no other--and only know me as her support.--I feel +that I cannot endure the anguish of corresponding with you--if we are +only to correspond.--No; if you seek for happiness elsewhere, my letters +shall not interrupt your repose. I will be dead to you. I cannot express +to you what pain it gives me to write about an eternal separation.--You +must determine--examine yourself--But, for God's sake! spare me the +anxiety of uncertainty!--I may sink under the trial; but I will not +complain. + +Adieu! If I had any thing more to say to you, it is all flown, and +absorbed by the most tormenting apprehensions, yet I scarcely know what +new form of misery I have to dread. + +I ought to beg your pardon for having sometimes written peevishly; but +you will impute it to affection, if you understand any thing of the heart +of + +Yours truly + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER LXIII. + +August 9. + +FIVE of your letters have been sent after me from ----. One, dated the +14th of July, was written in a style which I may have merited, but did +not expect from you. However this is not a time to reply to it, except to +assure you that you shall not be tormented with any more complaints. I am +disgusted with myself for having so long importuned you with my +affection.---- + +My child is very well. We shall soon meet, to part no more, I hope--I +mean, I and my girl.--I shall wait with some degree of anxiety till I am +informed how your affairs terminate. + +Yours sincerely + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER LXIV. + +August 26. + +I ARRIVED here last night, and with the most exquisite delight, once more +pressed my babe to my heart. We shall part no more. You perhaps cannot +conceive the pleasure it gave me, to see her run about, and play alone. +Her increasing intelligence attaches me more and more to her. I have +promised her that I will fulfil my duty to her; and nothing in future +shall make me forget it. I will also exert myself to obtain an +independence for her; but I will not be too anxious on this head. + +I have already told you, that I have recovered my health. Vigour, and +even vivacity of mind, have returned with a renovated constitution. As +for peace, we will not talk of it. I was not made, perhaps, to enjoy the +calm contentment so termed.-- +-- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- + +You tell me that my letters torture you; I will not describe the effect +yours have on me. I received three this morning, the last dated the 7th +of this month. I mean not to give vent to the emotions they +produced.--Certainly you are right; our minds are not congenial. I have +lived in an ideal world, and fostered sentiments that you do not +comprehend--or you would not treat me thus. I am not, I will not be, +merely an object of compassion--a clog, however light, to teize you. +Forget that I exist: I will never remind you. Something emphatical +whispers me to put an end to these struggles. Be free--I will not +torment, when I cannot please. I can take care of my child; you need not +continually tell me that our fortune is inseparable, _that you will try +to cherish tenderness_ for me. Do no violence to yourself! When we are +separated, our interest, since you give so much weight to pecuniary +considerations, will be entirely divided. I want not protection without +affection; and support I need not, whilst my faculties are undisturbed. +I had a dislike to living in England; but painful feelings must give way +to superior considerations. I may not be able to acquire the sum +necessary to maintain my child and self elsewhere. It is too late to go +to Switzerland. I shall not remain at ----, living expensively. But be +not alarmed! I shall not force myself on you any more. + +Adieu! I am agitated--my whole frame is convulsed--my lips tremble, as if +shook by cold, though fire seems to be circulating in my veins. + +God bless you. + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER LXV. + +September 6. + +I RECEIVED just now your letter of the 20th. I had written you a letter +last night, into which imperceptibly slipt some of my bitterness of soul. +I will copy the part relative to business. I am not sufficiently vain to +imagine that I can, for more than a moment, cloud your enjoyment of +life--to prevent even that, you had better never hear from me--and repose +on the idea that I am happy. + +Gracious God! It is impossible for me to stifle something like +resentment, when I receive fresh proofs of your indifference. What I +have suffered this last year, is not to be forgotten! I have not that +happy substitute for wisdom, insensibility--and the lively sympathies +which bind me to my fellow-creatures, are all of a painful kind.--They +are the agonies of a broken heart--pleasure and I have shaken hands. + +I see here nothing but heaps of ruins, and only converse with people +immersed in trade and sensuality. + +I am weary of travelling--yet seem to have no home--no resting place to +look to.--I am strangely cast off.--How often, passing through the rocks, +I have thought, "But for this child, I would lay my head on one of them, +and never open my eyes again!" With a heart feelingly alive to all the +affections of my nature--I have never met with one, softer than the stone +that I would fain take for my last pillow. I once thought I had, but it +was all a delusion. I meet with families continually, who are bound +together by affection or principle--and, when I am conscious that I have +fulfilled the duties of my station, almost to a forgetfulness of myself, +I am ready to demand, in a murmuring tone, of Heaven, "Why am I thus +abandoned?" + +You say now -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- + +I do not understand you. It is necessary for you to write more +explicitly--and determine on some mode of conduct.--I cannot endure this +suspense--Decide--Do you fear to strike another blow? We live together, +or eternally part!--I shall not write to you again, till I receive an +answer to this. I must compose my tortured soul, before I write on +indifferent subjects. -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- + +I do not know whether I write intelligibly, for my head is +disturbed.--But this you ought to pardon--for it is with difficulty +frequently that I make out what you mean to say--You write, I suppose, at +Mr. ----'s after dinner, when your head is not the clearest--and as for +your heart, if you have one, I see nothing like the dictates of +affection, unless a glimpse when you mention, the child.--Adieu! + + * * * * * + +LETTER LXVI. + +September 25. + +I HAVE just finished a letter, to be given in charge to captain ------. +In that I complained of your silence, and expressed my surprise that +three mails should have arrived without bringing a line for me. Since I +closed it, I hear of another, and still no letter.--I am labouring to +write calmly--this silence is a refinement on cruelty. Had captain ------ +remained a few days longer, I would have returned with him to England. +What have I to do here? I have repeatedly written to you fully. Do you +do the same--and quickly. Do not leave me in suspense. I have not +deserved this of you. I cannot write, my mind is so distressed. Adieu! + +* * * * + + +END VOL. III. + +FOOTNOTES: + +[4-A] The child is in a subsequent letter called the "barrier girl," +probably from a supposition that she owed her existence to this +interview. + +EDITOR. + +[7-A] This and the thirteen following letters appear to have been written +during a separation of several months; the date, Paris. + +[27-A] Some further letters, written during the remainder of the week, in +a similar strain to the preceding, appear to have been destroyed by the +person to whom they were addressed. + +[47-A] The child spoken of in some preceding letters, had now been born a +considerable time. + +[50-A] She means, "the latter more than the former." + +EDITOR. + +[58-A] This is the first of a series of letters written during a +separation of many months, to which no cordial meeting ever succeeded. +They were sent from Paris, and bear the address of London. + +[91-A] The person to whom the letters are addressed, was about this time +at Ramsgate, on his return, as he professed, to Paris, when he was +recalled, as it should seem, to London, by the further pressure of +business now accumulated upon him. + +[100-A] This probably alludes to some expression of the person to whom +the letters are addressed, in which he treated as common evils, things +upon which the letter writer was disposed to bestow a different +appellation. + +EDITOR. + +[133-A] This passage refers to letters written under a purpose of +suicide, and not intended to be opened till after the catastrophe. + + + + +POSTHUMOUS WORKS + +OF THE + +AUTHOR + +OF A + +VINDICATION OF THE RIGHTS OF WOMAN. + +IN FOUR VOLUMES. + + * * * * * + +VOL. IV. + + * * * * * + +_LONDON:_ + +PRINTED FOR J. JOHNSON, NO. 72, ST. PAUL'S + CHURCH-YARD; AND G. G. AND J. ROBINSON, + PATERNOSTER-ROW. + 1798. + + + +LETTERS + +AND + +MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. + +IN TWO VOLUMES. + + * * * * * + +VOL. II. + + + + +CONTENTS. + + + Page +Letters 1 +Letter on the Present Character of the French Nation 39 +Fragment of Letters on the Management of Infants 55 +Letters to Mr. Johnson 61 +Extract of the Cave of Fancy, a Tale 99 +On Poetry and our Relish for the Beauties of Nature 159 +Hints 179 + + + + +ERRATA. + + +Page 10, line 8, _for_ I write you, _read_ I write to you. +---- 20, -- 9, _read_ bring them to ----. +---- 146, -- 2 from the bottom, after over, insert a comma. + + + + +LETTERS. + + + * * * * * + +LETTER LXVII. + +September 27. + +WHEN you receive this, I shall either have landed, or be hovering on the +British coast--your letter of the 18th decided me. + +By what criterion of principle or affection, you term my questions +extraordinary and unnecessary, I cannot determine.--You desire me to +decide--I had decided. You must have had long ago two letters of mine, +from ------, to the same purport, to consider.--In these, God knows! +there was but too much affection, and the agonies of a distracted mind +were but too faithfully pourtrayed!--What more then had I to say?--The +negative was to come from you.--You had perpetually recurred to your +promise of meeting me in the autumn--Was it extraordinary that I should +demand a yes, or no?--Your letter is written with extreme harshness, +coldness I am accustomed to, in it I find not a trace of the tenderness +of humanity, much less of friendship.--I only see a desire to heave a +load off your shoulders. + +I am above disputing about words.--It matters not in what terms you +decide. + +The tremendous power who formed this heart, must have foreseen that, in a +world in which self-interest, in various shapes, is the principal mobile, +I had little chance of escaping misery.--To the fiat of fate I submit.--I +am content to be wretched; but I will not be contemptible.--Of me you +have no cause to complain, but for having had too much regard for +you--for having expected a degree of permanent happiness, when you only +sought for a momentary gratification. + +I am strangely deficient in sagacity.--Uniting myself to you, your +tenderness seemed to make me amends for all my former misfortunes.--On +this tenderness and affection with what confidence did I rest!--but I +leaned on a spear, that has pierced me to the heart.--You have thrown off +a faithful friend, to pursue the caprices of the moment.--We certainly +are differently organized; for even now, when conviction has been stamped +on my soul by sorrow, I can scarcely believe it possible. It depends at +present on you, whether you will see me or not.--I shall take no step, +till I see or hear from you. + +Preparing myself for the worst--I have determined, if your next letter be +like the last, to write to Mr. ------to procure me an obscure lodging, +and not to inform any body of my arrival.--There I will endeavour in a +few months to obtain the sum necessary to take me to France--from you I +will not receive any more.--I am not yet sufficiently humbled to depend +on your beneficence. + +Some people, whom my unhappiness has interested, though they know not +the extent of it, will assist me to attain the object I have in view, the +independence of my child. Should a peace take place, ready money will go +a great way in France--and I will borrow a sum, which my industry _shall_ +enable me to pay at my leisure, to purchase a small estate for my +girl.--The assistance I shall find necessary to complete her education, I +can get at an easy rate at Paris--I can introduce her to such society as +she will like--and thus, securing for her all the chance for happiness, +which depends on me, I shall die in peace, persuaded that the felicity +which has hitherto cheated my expectation, will not always elude my +grasp. No poor tempest-tossed mariner ever more earnestly longed to +arrive at his port. + +* * * * + +I shall not come up in the vessel all the way, because I have no place to +go to. Captain ------ will inform you where I am. It is needless to add, +that I am not in a state of mind to bear suspense--and that I wish to see +you, though it be for the last time. + + * * * * * + +LETTER LXVIII. + +Sunday, October 4. + +I WROTE to you by the packet, to inform you, that your letter of the 18th +of last month, had determined me to set out with captain ------; but, as +we sailed very quick, I take it for granted, that you have not yet +received it. + +You say, I must decide for myself.--I had decided, that it was most for +the interest of my little girl, and for my own comfort, little as I +expect, for us to live together; and I even thought that you would be +glad, some years hence, when the tumult of business was over, to repose +in the society of an affectionate friend, and mark the progress of our +interesting child, whilst endeavouring to be of use in the circle you at +last resolved to rest in; for you cannot run about for ever. + +From the tenour of your last letter however, I am led to imagine, that +you have formed some new attachment.--If it be so, let me earnestly +request you to see me once more, and immediately. This is the only proof +I require of the friendship you profess for me. I will then decide, +since you boggle about a mere form. + +I am labouring to write with calmness--but the extreme anguish I feel, at +landing without having any friend to receive me, and even to be conscious +that the friend whom I most wish to see, will feel a disagreeable +sensation at being informed of my arrival, does not come under the +description of common misery. Every emotion yields to an overwhelming +flood of sorrow--and the playfulness of my child distresses me.--On her +account, I wished to remain a few days here, comfortless as is my +situation.--Besides, I did not wish to surprise you. You have told me, +that you would make any sacrifice to promote my happiness--and, even in +your last unkind letter, you talk of the ties which bind you to me and +my child.--Tell me, that you wish it, and I will cut this Gordian knot. + +I now most earnestly intreat you to write to me, without fail, by the +return of the post. Direct your letter to be left at the post-office, and +tell me whether you will come to me here, or where you will meet me. I +can receive your letter on Wednesday morning. + +Do not keep me in suspense.--I expect nothing from you, or any human +being: my die is cast!--I have fortitude enough to determine to do my +duty; yet I cannot raise my depressed spirits, or calm my trembling +heart.--That being who moulded it thus, knows that I am unable to tear up +by the roots the propensity to affection which has been the torment of my +life--but life will have an end! + +Should you come here (a few months ago I could not have doubted it) you +will find me at ------. If you prefer meeting me on the road, tell me +where. + +Yours affectionately + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER LXIX. + +I WRITE you now on my knees; imploring you to send my child and the maid +with ----, to Paris, to be consigned to the care of Madame ----, rue +----, section de ----. Should they be removed, ---- can give their +direction. + +Let the maid have all my clothes, without distinction. + +Pray pay the cook her wages, and do not mention the confession which I +forced from her--a little sooner or later is of no consequence. Nothing +but my extreme stupidity could have rendered me blind so long. Yet, +whilst you assured me that you had no attachment, I thought we might +still have lived together. + +I shall make no comments on your conduct; or any appeal to the world. Let +my wrongs sleep with me! Soon, very soon shall I be at peace. When you +receive this, my burning head will be cold. + +I would encounter a thousand deaths, rather than a night like the last. +Your treatment has thrown my mind into a state of chaos; yet I am serene. +I go to find comfort, and my only fear is, that my poor body will be +insulted by an endeavour to recal my hated existence. But I shall plunge +into the Thames where there is the least chance of my being snatched from +the death I seek. + +God bless you! May you never know by experience what you have made me +endure. Should your sensibility ever awake, remorse will find its way to +your heart; and, in the midst of business and sensual pleasure, I shall +appear before you, the victim of your deviation from rectitude. + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER LXX. + +Sunday Morning. + +I HAVE only to lament, that, when the bitterness of death was past, I was +inhumanly brought back to life and misery. But a fixed determination is +not to be baffled by disappointment; nor will I allow that to be a +frantic attempt, which was one of the calmest acts of reason. In this +respect, I am only accountable to myself. Did I care for what is termed +reputation, it is by other circumstances that I should be dishonoured. + +You say, "that you know not how to extricate ourselves out of the +wretchedness into which we have been plunged." You are extricated long +since.--But I forbear to comment.----If I am condemned to live longer, it +is a living death. + +It appears to me, that you lay much more stress on delicacy, than on +principle; for I am unable to discover what sentiment of delicacy would +have been violated, by your visiting a wretched friend--if indeed you +have any friendship for me.--But since your new attachment is the only +thing sacred in your eyes, I am silent--Be happy! My complaints shall +never more damp your enjoyment--perhaps I am mistaken in supposing that +even my death could, for more than a moment.--This is what you call +magnanimity--It is happy for yourself, that you possess this quality in +the highest degree. + +Your continually asserting, that you will do all in your power to +contribute to my comfort (when you only allude to pecuniary assistance), +appears to me a flagrant breach of delicacy.--I want not such vulgar +comfort, nor will I accept it. I never wanted but your heart--That gone, +you have nothing more to give. Had I only poverty to fear, I should not +shrink from life.--Forgive me then, if I say, that I shall consider any +direct or indirect attempt to supply my necessities, as an insult which I +have not merited--and as rather done out of tenderness for your own +reputation, than for me. Do not mistake me; I do not think that you value +money (therefore I will not accept what you do not care for) though I do +much less, because certain privations are not painful to me. When I am +dead, respect for yourself will make you take care of the child. + +I write with difficulty--probably I shall never write to you +again.--Adieu! + +God bless you! + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER LXXI. + +Monday Morning. + +I AM compelled at last to say that you treat me ungenerously. I agree +with you, that-- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- + +But let the obliquity now fall on me.--I fear neither poverty nor infamy. +I am unequal to the task of writing--and explanations are not necessary.-- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- -- +My child may have to blush for her mother's want of prudence--and may +lament that the rectitude of my heart made me above vulgar precautions; +but she shall not despise me for meanness.--You are now perfectly +free.--God bless you. + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER LXXIII. + +Saturday Night. + +I HAVE been hurt by indirect enquiries, which appear to me not to be +dictated by any tenderness to me.--You ask "If I am well or +tranquil?"--They who think me so, must want a heart to estimate my +feelings by.--I chuse then to be the organ of my own sentiments. + +I must tell you, that I am very much mortified by your continually +offering me pecuniary assistance--and, considering your going to the new +house, as an open avowal that you abandon me, let me tell you that I +will sooner perish than receive any thing from you--and I say this at the +moment when I am disappointed in my first attempt to obtain a temporary +supply. But this even pleases me; an accumulation of disappointments and +misfortunes seems to suit the habit of my mind.-- + +Have but a little patience, and I will remove myself where it will not be +necessary for you to talk--of course, not to think of me. But let me see, +written by yourself--for I will not receive it through any other +medium--that the affair is finished.--It is an insult to me to suppose, +that I can be reconciled, or recover my spirits; but, if you hear nothing +of me, it will be the same thing to you. + +* * * * + +Even your seeing me, has been to oblige other people, and not to sooth my +distracted mind. + + * * * * * + +LETTER LXXIV. + +Thursday Afternoon. + +MR. ------ having forgot to desire you to send the things of mine which +were left at the house, I have to request you to let ------ bring them +onto ------. + +I shall go this evening to the lodging; so you need not be restrained +from coming here to transact your business.--And, whatever I may think, +and feel--you need not fear that I shall publicly complain--No! If I +have any criterion to judge of right and wrong, I have been most +ungenerously treated: but, wishing now only to hide myself, I shall be +silent as the grave in which I long to forget myself. I shall protect and +provide for my child.--I only mean by this to say, that you having +nothing to fear from my desperation. + +Farewel. + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER LXXV. + +London, November 27. + + +THE letter, without an address, which you put up with the letters you +returned, did not meet my eyes till just now.--I had thrown the letters +aside--I did not wish to look over a register of sorrow. + +My not having seen it, will account for my having written to you with +anger--under the impression your departure, without even a line left for +me, made on me, even after your late conduct, which could not lead me to +expect much attention to my sufferings. + +In fact, "the decided conduct, which appeared to me so unfeeling," has +almost overturned my reason; my mind is injured--I scarcely know where I +am, or what I do.--The grief I cannot conquer (for some cruel +recollections never quit me, banishing almost every other) I labour to +conceal in total solitude.--My life therefore is but an exercise of +fortitude, continually on the stretch--and hope never gleams in this +tomb, where I am buried alive. + +But I meant to reason with you, and not to complain.--You tell me, "that +I shall judge more coolly of your mode of acting, some time hence." But +is it not possible that _passion_ clouds your reason, as much as it does +mine?--and ought you not to doubt, whether those principles are so +"exalted," as you term them, which only lead to your own gratification? +In other words, whether it be just to have no principle of action, but +that of following your inclination, trampling on the affection you have +fostered, and the expectations you have excited? + +My affection for you is rooted in my heart.--I know you are not what you +now seem--nor will you always act, or feel, as you now do, though I may +never be comforted by the change.--Even at Paris, my image will haunt +you.--You will see my pale face--and sometimes the tears of anguish will +drop on your heart, which you have forced from mine. + +I cannot write. I thought I could quickly have refuted all your +_ingenious_ arguments; but my head is confused.--Right or wrong, I am +miserable! + +It seems to me, that my conduct has always been governed by the strictest +principles of justice and truth.--Yet, how wretched have my social +feelings, and delicacy of sentiment rendered me!--I have loved with my +whole soul, only to discover that I had no chance of a return--and that +existence is a burthen without it. + +I do not perfectly understand you.--If, by the offer of your friendship, +you still only mean pecuniary support--I must again reject it.--Trifling +are the ills of poverty in the scale of my misfortunes.--God bless you! + +* * * * + +I have been treated ungenerously--if I understand what is +generosity.----You seem to me only to have been anxious to shake me +off--regardless whether you dashed me to atoms by the fall.--In truth I +have been rudely handled. _Do you judge coolly_, and I trust you will +not continue to call those capricious feelings "the most refined," which +would undermine not only the most sacred principles, but the affections +which unite mankind.----You would render mothers unnatural--and there +would be no such thing as a father!--If your theory of morals is the most +"exalted," it is certainly the most easy.--It does not require much +magnanimity, to determine to please ourselves for the moment, let others +suffer what they will! + +Excuse me for again tormenting you, my heart thirsts for justice from +you--and whilst I recollect that you approved Miss ------'s conduct--I am +convinced you will not always justify your own. + +Beware of the deceptions of passion! It will not always banish from your +mind, that you have acted ignobly--and condescended to subterfuge to +gloss over the conduct you could not excuse.--Do truth and principle +require such sacrifices? + + * * * * * + +LETTER LXXVI. + +London, December 8. + +HAVING just been informed that ------ is to return immediately to Paris, +I would not miss a sure opportunity of writing, because I am not certain +that my last, by Dover has reached you. + +Resentment, and even anger, are momentary emotions with me--and I wished +to tell you so, that if you ever think of me, it may not be in the light +of an enemy. + +That I have not been used _well_ I must ever feel; perhaps, not always +with the keen anguish I do at present--for I began even now to write +calmly, and I cannot restrain my tears. + +I am stunned!--Your late conduct still appears to me a frightful +dream.--Ah! ask yourself if you have not condescended to employ a little +address, I could almost say cunning, unworthy of you?--Principles are +sacred things--and we never play with truth, with impunity. + +The expectation (I have too fondly nourished it) of regaining your +affection, every day grows fainter and fainter.--Indeed, it seems to me, +when I am more sad than usual, that I shall never see you more.--Yet you +will not always forget me.--You will feel something like remorse, for +having lived only for yourself--and sacrificed my peace to inferior +gratifications. In a comfortless old age, you will remember that you had +one disinterested friend, whose heart you wounded to the quick. The hour +of recollection will come--and you will not be satisfied to act the part +of a boy, till you fall into that of a dotard. I know that your mind, +your heart, and your principles of action, are all superior to your +present conduct. You do, you must, respect me--and you will be sorry to +forfeit my esteem. + +You know best whether I am still preserving the remembrance of an +imaginary being.--I once thought that I knew you thoroughly--but now I am +obliged to leave some doubts that involuntarily press on me, to be +cleared up by time. + +You may render me unhappy; but cannot make me contemptible in my own +eyes.--I shall still be able to support my child, though I am +disappointed in some other plans of usefulness, which I once believed +would have afforded you equal pleasure. + +Whilst I was with you, I restrained my natural generosity, because I +thought your property in jeopardy.--When I went to --------, I requested +you, _if you could conveniently_, not to forget my father, sisters, and +some other people, whom I was interested about.--Money was lavished away, +yet not only my requests were neglected, but some trifling debts were not +discharged, that now come on me.--Was this friendship--or generosity? +Will you not grant you have forgotten yourself? Still I have an +affection for you.--God bless you. + +* * * * + + * * * * * + +LETTER LXXVII. + +AS the parting from you for ever is the most serious event of my life, I +will once expostulate with you, and call not the language of truth and +feeling ingenuity! + +I know the soundness of your understanding--and know that it is +impossible for you always to confound the caprices of every wayward +inclination with the manly dictates of principle. + +You tell me "that I torment you."--Why do I?----Because you cannot +estrange your heart entirely from me--and you feel that justice is on my +side. You urge, "that your conduct was unequivocal."--It was not.--When +your coolness has hurt me, with what tenderness have you endeavoured to +remove the impression!--and even before I returned to England, you took +great pains to convince me, that all my uneasiness was occasioned by the +effect of a worn-out constitution--and you concluded your letter with +these words, "Business alone has kept me from you.--Come to any port, and +I will fly down to my two dear girls with a heart all their own." + +With these assurances, is it extraordinary that I should believe what I +wished? I might--and did think that you had a struggle with old +propensities; but I still thought that I and virtue should at last +prevail. I still thought that you had a magnanimity of character, which +would enable you to conquer yourself. + +--------, believe me, it is not romance, you have acknowledged to me +feelings of this kind.--You could restore me to life and hope, and the +satisfaction you would feel, would amply repay you. + +In tearing myself from you, it is my own heart I pierce--and the time +will come, when you will lament that you have thrown away a heart, that, +even in the moment of passion, you cannot despise.--I would owe every +thing to your generosity--but, for God's sake, keep me no longer in +suspense!--Let me see you once more!-- + + * * * * * + +LETTER LXXVIII. + +YOU must do as you please with respect to the child.--I could wish that +it might be done soon, that my name may be no more mentioned to you. It +is now finished.--Convinced that you have neither regard nor friendship, +I disdain to utter a reproach, though I have had reason to think, that +the "forbearance" talked of, has not been very delicate.--It is however +of no consequence.--I am glad you are satisfied with your own conduct. + +I now solemnly assure you, that this is an eternal farewel.--Yet I flinch +not from the duties which tie me to life. + +That there is "sophistry" on one side or other, is certain; but now it +matters not on which. On my part it has not been a question of words. Yet +your understanding or mine must be strangely warped--for what you term +"delicacy," appears to me to be exactly the contrary. I have no criterion +for morality, and have thought in vain, if the sensations which lead you +to follow an ancle or step, be the sacred foundation of principle and +affection. Mine has been of a very different nature, or it would not have +stood the brunt of your sarcasms. + +The sentiment in me is still sacred. If there be any part of me that will +survive the sense of my misfortunes, it is the purity of my affections. +The impetuosity of your senses, may have led you to term mere animal +desire, the source of principle; and it may give zest to some years to +come.--Whether you will always think so, I shall never know. + +It is strange that, in spite of all you do, something like conviction +forces me to believe, that you are not what you appear to be. + +I part with you in peace. + + * * * * * + + + + +LETTER +ON THE +PRESENT CHARACTER +OF THE +FRENCH NATION. + + +LETTER + +_Introductory to a Series of Letters on the Present Character of the +French Nation._ + + +Paris, February 15, 1793. + +My dear friend, + +IT is necessary perhaps for an observer of mankind, to guard as carefully +the remembrance of the first impression made by a nation, as by a +countenance; because we imperceptibly lose sight of the national +character, when we become more intimate with individuals. It is not then +useless or presumptuous to note, that, when I first entered Paris, the +striking contrast of riches and poverty, elegance and slovenliness, +urbanity and deceit, every where caught my eye, and saddened my soul; and +these impressions are still the foundation of my remarks on the manners, +which flatter the senses, more than they interest the heart, and yet +excite more interest than esteem. + +The whole mode of life here tends indeed to render the people frivolous, +and, to borrow their favourite epithet, amiable. Ever on the wing, they +are always sipping the sparkling joy on the brim of the cup, leaving +satiety in the bottom for those who venture to drink deep. On all sides +they trip along, buoyed up by animal spirits, and seemingly so void of +care, that often, when I am walking on the _Boulevards_, it occurs to me, +that they alone understand the full import of the term leisure; and they +trifle their time away with such an air of contentment, I know not how to +wish them wiser at the expence of their gaiety. They play before me like +motes in a sunbeam, enjoying the passing ray; whilst an English head, +searching for more solid happiness, loses, in the analysis of pleasure, +the volatile sweets of the moment. Their chief enjoyment, it is true, +rises from vanity: but it is not the vanity that engenders vexation of +spirit; on the contrary, it lightens the heavy burthen of life, which +reason too often weighs, merely to shift from one shoulder to the other. + +Investigating the modification of the passion, as I would analyze the +elements that give a form to dead matter, I shall attempt to trace to +their source the causes which have combined to render this nation the +most polished, in a physical sense, and probably the most superficial in +the world; and I mean to follow the windings of the various streams that +disembogue into a terrific gulf, in which all the dignity of our nature +is absorbed. For every thing has conspired to make the French the most +sensual people in the world; and what can render the heart so hard, or so +effectually stifle every moral emotion, as the refinements of sensuality? + +The frequent repetition of the word French, appears invidious; let me +then make a previous observation, which I beg you not to lose sight of, +when I speak rather harshly of a land flowing with milk and honey. +Remember that it is not the morals of a particular people that I would +decry; for are we not all of the same stock? But I wish calmly to +consider the stage of civilization in which I find the French, and, +giving a sketch of their character, and unfolding the circumstances which +have produced its identity, I shall endeavour to throw some light on the +history of man, and on the present important subjects of discussion. + +I would I could first inform you that, out of the chaos of vices and +follies, prejudices and virtues, rudely jumbled together, I saw the fair +form of Liberty slowly rising, and Virtue expanding her wings to shelter +all her children! I should then hear the account of the barbarities that +have rent the bosom of France patiently, and bless the firm hand that +lopt off the rotten limbs. But, if the aristocracy of birth is levelled +with the ground, only to make room for that of riches, I am afraid that +the morals of the people will not be much improved by the change, or the +government rendered less venal. Still it is not just to dwell on the +misery produced by the present struggle, without adverting to the +standing evils of the old system. I am grieved--sorely grieved--when I +think of the blood that has stained the cause of freedom at Paris; but I +also hear the same live stream cry aloud from the highways, through which +the retreating armies passed with famine and death in their rear, and I +hide my face with awe before the inscrutable ways of providence, sweeping +in such various directions the besom of destruction over the sons of men. + +Before I came to France, I cherished, you know, an opinion, that strong +virtues might exist with the polished manners produced by the progress +of civilization; and I even anticipated the epoch, when, in the course of +improvement, men would labour to become virtuous, without being goaded on +by misery. But now, the perspective of the golden age, fading before the +attentive eye of observation, almost eludes my sight; and, losing thus in +part my theory of a more perfect state, start not, my friend, if I bring +forward an opinion, which at the first glance seems to be levelled +against the existence of God! I am not become an Atheist, I assure you, +by residing at Paris: yet I begin to fear that vice, or, if you will, +evil, is the grand mobile of action, and that, when the passions are +justly poized, we become harmless, and in the same proportion useless. + +The wants of reason are very few; and, were we to consider +dispassionately the real value of most things, we should probably rest +satisfied with the simple gratification of our physical necessities, and +be content with negative goodness: for it is frequently, only that +wanton, the Imagination, with her artful coquetry, who lures us forward, +and makes us run over a rough road, pushing aside every obstacle merely +to catch a disappointment. + +The desire also of being useful to others, is continually damped by +experience; and, if the exertions of humanity were not in some measure +their own reward, who would endure misery, or struggle with care, to make +some people ungrateful, and others idle? + +You will call these melancholy effusions, and guess that, fatigued by +the vivacity, which has all the bustling folly of childhood, without the +innocence which renders ignorance charming, I am too severe in my +strictures. It may be so; and I am aware that the good effects of the +revolution will be last felt at Paris; where surely the soul of Epicurus +has long been at work to root out the simple emotions of the heart, +which, being natural, are always moral. Rendered cold and artificial by +the selfish enjoyments of the senses, which the government fostered, is +it surprising that simplicity of manners, and singleness of heart, rarely +appear, to recreate me with the wild odour of nature, so passing sweet? + +Seeing how deep the fibres of mischief have shot, I sometimes ask, with a +doubting accent, Whether a nation can go back to the purity of manners +which has hitherto been maintained unsullied only by the keen air of +poverty, when, emasculated by pleasure, the luxuries of prosperity are +become the wants of nature? I cannot yet give up the hope, that a fairer +day is dawning on Europe, though I must hesitatingly observe, that little +is to be expected from the narrow principle of commerce which seems every +where to be shoving aside _the point of honour_ of the _noblesse_. I can +look beyond the evils of the moment, and do not expect muddied water to +become clear before it has had time to stand; yet, even for the moment, +it is the most terrific of all sights, to see men vicious without +warmth--to see the order that should be the superscription of virtue, +cultivated to give security to crimes which only thoughtlessness could +palliate. Disorder is, in fact, the very essence of vice, though with the +wild wishes of a corrupt fancy humane emotions often kindly mix to soften +their atrocity. Thus humanity, generosity, and even self-denial, +sometimes render a character grand, and even useful, when hurried away by +lawless passions; but what can equal the turpitude of a cold calculator +who lives for himself alone, and considering his fellow-creatures merely +as machines of pleasure, never forgets that honesty is the best policy? +Keeping ever within the pale of the law, he crushes his thousands with +impunity; but it is with that degree of management, which makes him, to +borrow a significant vulgarism, a villain _in grain_. The very excess of +his depravation preserves him, whilst the more respectable beast of prey, +who prowls about like the lion, and roars to announce his approach, +falls into a snare. + +You may think it too soon to form an opinion of the future government, +yet it is impossible to avoid hazarding some conjectures, when every +thing whispers me, that names, not principles, are changed, and when I +see that the turn of the tide has left the dregs of the old system to +corrupt the new. For the same pride of office, the same desire of power +are still visible; with this aggravation, that, fearing to return to +obscurity after having but just acquired a relish for distinction, each +hero, or philosopher, for all are dubbed with these new titles, +endeavours to make hay while the sun shines; and every petty municipal +officer, become the idol, or rather the tyrant of the day, stalks like a +cock on a dunghil. + +I shall now conclude this desultory letter; which however will enable you +to foresee that I shall treat more of morals than manners. + +Yours ------ + + * * * * * + + + + +FRAGMENT +OF +LETTERS +ON THE +MANAGEMENT OF INFANTS. + + +CONTENTS. + + +Introductory Letter. +LETTER II. Management of the Mother during pregnancy: bathing. +LETTER III. Lying-in. +LETTER IV. The first month: diet: clothing. +LETTER V. The three following months. +LETTER VI. The remainder of the first year. +LETTER VII. The second year, &c: conclusion. + + +LETTERS ON THE MANAGEMENT OF INFANTS. + + * * * * * + +LETTER I. + +I OUGHT to apologize for not having written to you on the subject you +mentioned; but, to tell you the truth, it grew upon me: and, instead of +an answer, I have begun a series of letters on the management of children +in their infancy. Replying then to your question, I have the public in +my thoughts, and shall endeavour to show what modes appear to me +necessary, to render the infancy of children more healthy and happy. I +have long thought, that the cause which renders children as hard to rear +as the most fragile plant, is our deviation from simplicity. I know that +some able physicians have recommended the method I have pursued, and I +mean to point out the good effects I have observed in practice. I am +aware that many matrons will exclaim against me, and dwell on the number +of children they have brought up, as their mothers did before them, +without troubling themselves with new-fangled notions; yet, though, in my +uncle Toby's words, they should attempt to silence me, by "wishing I had +seen their large" families, I must suppose, while a third part of the +human species, according to the most accurate calculation, die during +their infancy, just at the threshold of life, that there is some error in +the modes adopted by mothers and nurses, which counteracts their own +endeavours. I may be mistaken in some particulars; for general rules, +founded on the soundest reason, demand individual modification; but, if I +can persuade any of the rising generation to exercise their reason on +this head, I am content. My advice will probably be found most useful to +mothers in the middle class; and it is from them that the lower +imperceptibly gains improvement. Custom, produced by reason in one, may +safely be the effect of imitation in the other.-- -- -- +-- -- -- -- -- -- + + + + +LETTERS +TO +Mr. JOHNSON, +_BOOKSELLER_, +IN +ST. PAUL'S CHURCH-YARD. + + +LETTERS +TO +Mr. JOHNSON. + + * * * * * + + +LETTER I. + +Dublin, April 14, [1787.] + +Dear sir, + +I AM still an invalid--and begin to believe that I ought never to expect +to enjoy health. My mind preys on my body--and, when I endeavour to be +useful, I grow too much interested for my own peace. Confined almost +entirely to the society of children, I am anxiously solicitous for their +future welfare, and mortified beyond measure, when counteracted in my +endeavours to improve them.--I feel all a mother's fears for the swarm of +little ones which surround me, and observe disorders, without having +power to apply the proper remedies. How can I be reconciled to life, when +it is always a painful warfare, and when I am deprived of all the +pleasures I relish?--I allude to rational conversations, and domestic +affections. Here, alone, a poor solitary individual in a strange land, +tied to one spot, and subject to the caprice of another, can I be +contented? I am desirous to convince you that I have _some_ cause for +sorrow--and am not without reason detached from life. I shall hope to +hear that you are well, and am yours sincerely + +MARY WOLLSTONECRAFT. + + * * * * * + +LETTER II. + +Henley, Thursday, Sept 13. + +My dear sir, + +SINCE I saw you, I have, literally speaking, _enjoyed_ solitude. My +sister could not accompany me in my rambles; I therefore wandered alone, +by the side of the Thames, and in the neighbouring beautiful fields and +pleasure grounds: the prospects were of such a placid kind, I _caught_ +tranquillity while I surveyed them--my mind was _still_, though active. +Were I to give you an account how I have spent my time, you would +smile.--I found an old French bible here, and amused myself with +comparing it with our English translation; then I would listen to the +falling leaves, or observe the various tints the autumn gave to them--At +other times, the singing of a robin, or the noise of a water-mill, +engaged my attention--partial attention--, for I was, at the same time +perhaps discussing some knotty point, or straying from this _tiny_ world +to new systems. After these excursions, I returned to the family meals, +told the children stories (they think me _vastly_ agreeable), and my +sister was amused.--Well, will you allow me to call this way of passing +my days pleasant? + +I was just going to mend my pen; but I believe it will enable me to say +all I have to add to this epistle. Have you yet heard of an habitation +for me? I often think of my new plan of life; and, lest my sister should +try to prevail on me to alter it, I have avoided mentioning it to her. I +am determined!--Your sex generally laugh at female determinations; but +let me tell you, I never yet resolved to do, any thing of consequence, +that I did not adhere resolutely to it, till I had accomplished my +purpose, improbable as it might have appeared to a more timid mind. In +the course of near nine-and-twenty years, I have gathered some +experience, and felt many _severe_ disappointments--and what is the +amount? I long for a little peace and _independence_! Every obligation we +receive from our fellow-creatures is a new shackle, takes from our native +freedom, and debases the mind, makes us mere earthworms--I am not fond of +grovelling! + +I am, sir, yours, &c. + +MARY WOLLSTONECRAFT. + + * * * * * + +LETTER III. + +Market Harborough, Sept. 20. + +My dear sir, + +YOU left me with three opulent tradesmen; their conversation was not +calculated to beguile the way, when the sable curtain concealed the +beauties of nature. I listened to the tricks of trade--and shrunk away, +without wishing to grow rich; even the novelty of the subjects did not +render them pleasing; fond as I am of tracing the passions in all their +different forms--I was not surprised by any glimpse of the sublime, or +beautiful--though one of them imagined I would be a useful partner in a +good _firm_. I was very much fatigued, and have scarcely recovered +myself. I do not expect to enjoy the same tranquil pleasures Henley +afforded: I meet with new objects to employ my mind; but many painful +emotions are complicated with the reflections they give rise to. + +I do not intend to enter on the _old_ topic, yet hope to hear from +you--and am yours, &c. + +MARY WOLLSTONECRAFT. + + * * * * * + +LETTER IV. + +Friday Night. + +My dear sir, + +THOUGH your remarks are generally judicious--I cannot _now_ concur with +you, I mean with respect to the preface[67-A], and have not altered it. +I hate the usual smooth way of exhibiting proud humility. A general rule +_only_ extends to the majority--and, believe me, the few judicious +parents who may peruse my book, will not feel themselves hurt--and the +weak are too vain to mind what is said in a book intended for children. + +I return you the Italian MS.--but do not hastily imagine that I am +indolent. I would not spare any labour to do my duty--and, after the most +laborious day, that single thought would solace me more than any +pleasures the senses could enjoy. I find I could not translate the MS. +well. If it was not a MS, I should not be so easily intimidated; but the +hand, and errors in orthography, or abbreviations, are a stumbling-block +at the first setting out.--I cannot bear to do any thing I cannot do +well--and I should lose time in the vain attempt. + +I had, the other day, the satisfaction of again receiving a letter from +my poor, dear Margaret[69-A].--With all a mother's fondness I could +transcribe a part of it--She says, every day her affection to me, and +dependence on heaven increase, &c.--I miss her innocent caresses--and +sometimes indulge a pleasing hope, that she may be allowed to cheer my +childless age--if I am to live to be old.--At any rate, I may hear of the +virtues I may not contemplate--and my reason may permit me to love a +female.--I now allude to ------. I have received another letter from her, +and her childish complaints vex me--indeed they do--As usual, good-night. + +MARY. + +If parents attended to their children, I would not have written the +stories; for, what are books--compared to conversations which affection +inforces!-- + + * * * * * + +LETTER V. + +My dear sir, + +REMEMBER you are to settle _my account_, as I want to know how much I am +in your debt--but do not suppose that I feel any uneasiness on that +score. The generality of people in trade would not be much obliged to me +for a like civility, _but you were a man_ before you were a +bookseller--so I am your sincere friend, + +MARY. + + * * * * * + +LETTER VI. + +Friday Morning. + +I AM sick with vexation--and wish I could knock my foolish head against +the wall, that bodily pain might make me feel less anguish from +self-reproach! To say the truth, I was never more displeased with myself, +and I will tell you the cause.--You may recollect that I did not mention +to you the circumstance of ------ having a fortune left to him; nor did a +hint of it drop from me when I conversed with my sister; because I knew +he had a sufficient motive for concealing it. Last Sunday, when his +character was aspersed, as I thought, unjustly, in the heat of +vindication I informed ****** that he was now independent; but, at the +same time, desired him not to repeat my information to B----; yet, last +Tuesday, he told him all--and the boy at B----'s gave Mrs. ------ an +account of it. As Mr. ------ knew he had only made a confident of me (I +blush to think of it!) he guessed the channel of intelligence, and this +morning came (not to reproach me, I wish he had!) but to point out the +injury I have done him.--Let what will be the consequence, I will +reimburse him, if I deny myself the necessaries of life--and even then my +folly will sting me.--Perhaps you can scarcely conceive the misery I at +this moment endure--that I, whose power of doing good is so limited, +should do harm, galls my very soul. ****** may laugh at these +qualms--but, supposing Mr. ------ to be unworthy, I am not the less to +blame. Surely it is hell to despise one's self!--I did not want this +additional vexation--at this time I have many that hang heavily on my +spirits. I shall not call on you this month--nor stir out.--My stomach +has been so suddenly and violently affected, I am unable to lean over the +desk. + +MARY WOLLSTONECRAFT. + + * * * * * + +LETTER VII. + +AS I am become a reviewer, I think it right, in the way of business, to +consider the subject. You have alarmed the editor of the Critical, as the +advertisement prefixed to the Appendix plainly shows. The Critical +appears to me to be a timid, mean production, and its success is a +reflection on the taste and judgment of the public; but, as a body, who +ever gave it credit for much? The voice of the people is only the voice +of truth, when some man of abilities has had time to get fast hold of the +GREAT NOSE of the monster. Of course, local fame is generally a clamour, +and dies away. The Appendix to the Monthly afforded me more amusement, +though every article almost wants energy and a _cant_ of virtue and +liberality is strewed over it; always tame, and eager to pay court to +established fame. The account of Necker is one unvaried tone of +admiration. Surely men were born only to provide for the sustenance of +the body by enfeebling the mind! + +MARY. + + * * * * * + +LETTER VIII. + +YOU made me very low-spirited last night, by your manner of talking.--You +are my only friend--the only person I am _intimate_ with.--I never had a +father, or a brother--you have been both to me, ever since I knew +you--yet I have sometimes been very petulant.--I have been thinking of +those instances of ill-humour and quickness, and they appeared like +crimes. + +Yours sincerely + +MARY. + + * * * * * + +LETTER IX. + +Saturday Night. + +I AM a mere animal, and instinctive emotions too often silence the +suggestions of reason. Your note--I can scarcely tell why, hurt me--and +produced a kind of winterly smile, which diffuses a beam of despondent +tranquillity over the features. I have been very ill--Heaven knows it was +more than fancy--After some sleepless, wearisome nights, towards the +morning I have grown delirious.--Last Thursday, in particular, I imagined +------ was thrown into great distress by his folly; and I, unable to +assist him, was in an agony. My nerves were in such a painful state of +irritation--I suffered more than I can express--Society was +necessary--and might have diverted me till I gained more strength; but I +blushed when I recollected how often I had teazed you with childish +complaints, and the reveries of a disordered imagination. I even +_imagined_ that I intruded on you, because you never called on me--though +you perceived that I was not well.--I have nourished a sickly kind of +delicacy, which gives me many unnecessary pangs.--I acknowledge that life +is but a jest--and often a frightful dream--yet catch myself every day +searching for something serious--and feel real misery from the +disappointment. I am a strange compound of weakness and resolution! +However, if I must suffer, I will endeavour to suffer in silence. There +is certainly a great defect in my mind--my wayward heart creates its own +misery--Why I am made thus I cannot tell; and, till I can form some idea +of the whole of my existence, I must be content to weep and dance like a +child--long for a toy, and be tired of it as soon as I get it. + +We must each of us wear a fool's cap; but mine, alas! has lost its bells, +and is grown so heavy, I find it intolerably troublesome.----Good-night! +I have been pursuing a number of strange thoughts since I began to write, +and have actually both wept and laughed immoderately--Surely I am a +fool-- + +MARY W. + + * * * * * + +LETTER X. + +Monday Morning. + +I REALLY want a German grammar, as I intend to attempt to learn that +language--and I will tell you the reason why.--While I live, I am +persuaded, I must exert my understanding to procure an independence, and +render myself useful. To make the task easier, I ought to store my mind +with knowledge--The seed time is passing away. I see the necessity of +labouring now--and of that necessity I do not complain; on the contrary, +I am thankful that I have more than common incentives to pursue +knowledge, and draw my pleasures from the employments that are within my +reach. You perceive this is not a gloomy day--I feel at this moment +particularly grateful to you--without your humane and _delicate_ +assistance, how many obstacles should I not have had to encounter--too +often should I have been out of patience with my fellow-creatures, whom I +wish to love!--Allow me to love you, my dear sir, and call friend a being +I respect.--Adieu! + +MARY W. + + * * * * * + +LETTER XI. + +I THOUGHT you _very_ unkind, nay, very unfeeling, last night. My cares +and vexations--I will say what I allow myself to think--do me honour, as +they arise from my disinterestedness and _unbending_ principles; nor can +that mode of conduct be a reflection on my understanding, which enables +me to bear misery, rather than selfishly live for myself alone. I am not +the only character deserving of respect, that has had to struggle with +various sorrows--while inferior minds have enjoyed local fame and present +comfort.--Dr. Johnson's cares almost drove him mad--but, I suppose, you +would quietly have told him, he was a fool for not being calm, and that +wise men striving against the stream, can yet be in good humour. I have +done with insensible human wisdom,--"indifference cold in wisdom's +guise,"--and turn to the source of perfection--who perhaps never +disregarded an almost broken heart, especially when a respect, a +practical respect, for virtue, sharpened the wounds of adversity. I am +ill--I stayed in bed this morning till eleven o'clock, only thinking of +getting money to extricate myself out of some of my difficulties--The +struggle is now over. I will condescend to try to obtain some in a +disagreeable way. + +Mr. ------ called on me just now--pray did you know his motive for +calling[82-A]?--I think him impertinently officious.--He had left the +house before it occurred to me in the strong light it does now, or I +should have told him so--My poverty makes me proud--I will not be +insulted by a superficial puppy.--His intimacy with Miss ------ gave him +a privilege, which he should not have assumed with me--a proposal might +be made to his cousin, a milliner's girl, which should not have been +mentioned to me. Pray tell him that I am offended--and do not wish to see +him again!--When I meet him at your house, I shall leave the room, since +I cannot pull him by the nose. I can force my spirit to leave my +body--but it shall never bend to support that body--God of heaven, save +thy child from this living death!--I scarcely know what I write. My hand +trembles--I am very sick--sick at heart.---- + +MARY. + + * * * * * + +LETTER XII. + +Tuesday Evening. + +Sir, + +WHEN you left me this morning, and I reflected a moment--your _officious_ +message, which at first appeared to me a joke--looked so very like an +insult--I cannot forget it--To prevent then the necessity of forcing a +smile--when I chance to meet you--I take the earliest opportunity of +informing you of my real sentiments. + +MARY WOLLSTONECRAFT. + + * * * * * + +LETTER XIII. + +Wednesday, 3 o'clock. + +Sir, + +IT is inexpressibly disagreeable to me to be obliged to enter again on a +subject, that has already raised a tumult of _indignant_ emotions in my +bosom, which I was labouring to suppress when I received your letter. I +shall now _condescend_ to answer your epistle; but let me first tell you, +that, in my _unprotected_ situation, I make a point of never forgiving a +_deliberate insult_--and in that light I consider your late officious +conduct. It is not according to my nature to mince matters--I will then +tell you in plain terms, what I think. I have ever considered you in the +light of a _civil_ acquaintance--on the word friend I lay a peculiar +emphasis--and, as a mere acquaintance, you were rude and _cruel_, to step +forward to insult a woman, whose conduct and misfortunes demand respect. +If my friend, Mr. Johnson, had made the proposal--I should have been +severely hurt--have thought him unkind and unfeeling, but not +_impertinent_.--The privilege of intimacy you had no claim to--and should +have referred the man to myself--if you had not sufficient discernment to +quash it at once. I am, sir, poor and destitute.--Yet I have a spirit +that will never bend, or take indirect methods, to obtain the consequence +I despise; nay, if to support life it was necessary to act contrary to my +principles, the struggle would soon be over. I can bear any thing but my +own contempt. + +In a few words, what I call an insult, is the bare supposition that I +could for a moment think of _prostituting_ my person for a maintenance; +for in that point of view does such a marriage appear to me, who consider +right and wrong in the abstract, and never by words and local opinions +shield myself from the reproaches of my own heart and understanding. + +It is needless to say more--Only you must excuse me when I add, that I +wish never to see, but as a perfect stranger, a person who could so +grossly mistake my character. An apology is not necessary--if you were +inclined to make one--nor any further expostulations.--I again repeat, I +cannot overlook an affront; few indeed have sufficient delicacy to +respect poverty, even where it gives lustre to a character--and I tell +you sir, I am POOR--yet can live without your benevolent exertions. + +MARY WOLLSTONECRAFT. + + * * * * * + +LETTER XIV. + +I SEND you _all_ the books I had to review except Dr. J--'s Sermons, +which I have begun. If you wish me to look over any more trash this +month--you must send it directly. I have been so low-spirited since I saw +you--I was quite glad, last night, to feel myself affected by some +passages in Dr. J--'s sermon on the death of his wife--I seemed +(suddenly) to _find_ my _soul_ again--It has been for some time I cannot +tell where. Send me the Speaker--and _Mary_, I want one--and I shall soon +want some paper--you may as well send it at the same time--for I am +trying to brace my nerves that I may be industrious.--I am afraid reason +is not a good bracer--for I have been reasoning a long time with my +untoward spirits--and yet my hand trembles.--I could finish a period very +_prettily_ now, by saying that it ought to be steady when I add that I am +yours sincerely, + +MARY. + +If you do not like the manner in which I reviewed Dr. J--'s s---- on his +wife, be it known unto you--I _will_ not do it any other way--I felt some +pleasure in paying a just tribute of respect to the memory of a +man--who, spite of his faults, I have an affection for--I say _have_, for +I believe he is somewhere--_where_ my soul has been gadding perhaps;--but +_you_ do not live on conjectures. + + * * * * * + +LETTER XV. + +MY dear sir, I send you a chapter which I am pleased with, now I see it +in one point of view--and, as I have made free with the author, I hope +you will not have often to say--what does this mean? + +You forgot you were to make out my account--I am, of course, over head +and ears in debt; but I have not that kind of pride, which makes some +dislike to be obliged to those they respect.--On the contrary, when I +involuntarily lament that I have not a father or brother, I thankfully +recollect that I have received unexpected kindness from you and a few +others.--So reason allows, what nature impels me to--for I cannot live +without loving my fellow-creatures--nor can I love them, without +discovering some virtue. + +MARY. + + * * * * * + +LETTER XVI. + +Paris, December 26, 1792. + +I SHOULD immediately on the receipt of your letter, my dear friend, have +thanked you for your punctuality, for it highly gratified me, had I not +wished to wait till I could tell you that this day was not stained with +blood. Indeed the prudent precautions taken by the National Convention to +prevent a tumult, made me suppose that the dogs of faction would not dare +to bark, much less to bite, however true to their scent; and I was not +mistaken; for the citizens, who were all called out, are returning home +with composed countenances, shouldering their arms. About nine o'clock +this morning, the king passed by my window, moving silently along +(excepting now and then a few strokes on the drum, which rendered the +stillness more awful) through empty streets, surrounded by the national +guards, who, clustering round the carriage, seemed to deserve their name. +The inhabitants flocked to their windows, but the casements were all +shut, not a voice was heard, nor did I see any thing like an insulting +gesture.--For the first time since I entered France, I bowed to the +majesty of the people, and respected the propriety of behaviour so +perfectly in unison with my own feelings. I can scarcely tell you why, +but an association of ideas made the tears flow insensibly from my eyes, +when I saw Louis sitting, with more dignity than I expected from his +character, in a hackney coach, going to meet death, where so many of his +race have triumphed. My fancy instantly brought Louis XIV before me, +entering the capital with all his pomp, after one of the victories most +flattering to his pride, only to see the sunshine of prosperity +overshadowed by the sublime gloom of misery. I have been alone ever +since; and, though my mind is calm, I cannot dismiss the lively images +that have filled my imagination all the day.--Nay, do not smile, but pity +me; for, once or twice, lifting my eyes from the paper, I have seen eyes +glare through a glass-door opposite my chair and bloody hands shook at +me. Not the distant sound of a footstep can I hear.--My apartments are +remote from those of the servants, the only persons who sleep with me in +an immense hotel, one folding door opening after another.--I wish I had +even kept the cat with me!--I want to see something alive; death in so +many frightful shapes has taken hold of my fancy.--I am going to +bed--and, for the first time in my life, I cannot put out the candle. + +M. W. + +FOOTNOTES: + +[67-A] To Original Stories. + +[69-A] Countess Mount Cashel. + +[82-A] This alludes to a foolish proposal of marriage for mercenary +considerations, which the gentleman here mentioned thought proper to +recommend to her. The two letters which immediately follow, are addressed +to the gentleman himself. + + + + +EXTRACT + +OF THE + +CAVE OF FANCY. + +A TALE. + + * * * * * + +[_Begun to be written in the year 1787, but never completed_] + + +CAVE OF FANCY. + + + + +CHAP. I. + + +YE who expect constancy where every thing is changing, and peace in the +midst of tumult, attend to the voice of experience, and mark in time the +footsteps of disappointment, or life will be lost in desultory wishes, +and death arrive before the dawn of wisdom. + +In a sequestered valley, surrounded by rocky mountains that intercepted +many of the passing clouds, though sunbeams variegated their ample sides, +lived a sage, to whom nature had unlocked her most hidden secrets. His +hollow eyes, sunk in their orbits, retired from the view of vulgar +objects, and turned inwards, overleaped the boundary prescribed to human +knowledge. Intense thinking during fourscore and ten years, had whitened +the scattered locks on his head, which, like the summit of the distant +mountain, appeared to be bound by an eternal frost. + +On the sandy waste behind the mountains, the track of ferocious beasts +might be traced, and sometimes the mangled limbs which they left, +attracted a hovering flight of birds of prey. An extensive wood the sage +had forced to rear its head in a soil by no means congenial, and the firm +trunks of the trees seemed to frown with defiance on time; though the +spoils of innumerable summers covered the roots, which resembled fangs; +so closely did they cling to the unfriendly sand, where serpents hissed, +and snakes, rolling out their vast folds, inhaled the noxious vapours. +The ravens and owls who inhabited the solitude, gave also a thicker gloom +to the everlasting twilight, and the croaking of the former a monotony, +in unison with the gloom; whilst lions and tygers, shunning even this +faint semblance of day, sought the dark caverns, and at night, when they +shook off sleep, their roaring would make the whole valley resound, +confounded with the screechings of the bird of night. + +One mountain rose sublime, towering above all, on the craggy sides of +which a few sea-weeds grew, washed by the ocean, that with tumultuous +roar rushed to assault, and even undermine, the huge barrier that stopped +its progress; and ever and anon a ponderous mass, loosened from the +cliff, to which it scarcely seemed to adhere, always threatening to fall, +fell into the flood, rebounding as it fell, and the sound was re-echoed +from rock to rock. Look where you would, all was without form, as if +nature, suddenly stopping her hand, had left chaos a retreat. + +Close to the most remote side of it was the sage's abode. It was a rude +hut, formed of stumps of trees and matted twigs, to secure him from the +inclemency of the weather; only through small apertures crossed with +rushes, the wind entered in wild murmurs, modulated by these +obstructions. A clear spring broke out of the middle of the adjacent +rock, which, dropping slowly into a cavity it had hollowed, soon +overflowed, and then ran, struggling to free itself from the cumbrous +fragments, till, become a deep, silent stream, it escaped through reeds, +and roots of trees, whose blasted tops overhung and darkened the current. + +One side of the hut was supported by the rock, and at midnight, when the +sage struck the inclosed part, it yawned wide, and admitted him into a +cavern in the very bowels of the earth, where never human foot before had +trod; and the various spirits, which inhabit the different regions of +nature, were here obedient to his potent word. The cavern had been formed +by the great inundation of waters, when the approach of a comet forced +them from their source; then, when the fountains of the great deep were +broken up, a stream rushed out of the centre of the earth, where the +spirits, who have lived on it, are confined to purify themselves from +the dross contracted in their first stage of existence; and it flowed in +black waves, for ever bubbling along the cave, the extent of which had +never been explored. From the sides and top, water distilled, and, +petrifying as it fell, took fantastic shapes, that soon divided it into +apartments, if so they might be called. In the foam, a wearied spirit +would sometimes rise, to catch the most distant glimpse of light, or +taste the vagrant breeze, which the yawning of the rock admitted, when +Sagestus, for that was the name of the hoary sage, entered. Some, who +were refined and almost cleared from vicious spots, he would allow to +leave, for a limited time, their dark prison-house; and, flying on the +winds across the bleak northern ocean, or rising in an exhalation till +they reached a sun-beam, they thus re-visited the haunts of men. These +were the guardian angels, who in soft whispers restrain the vicious, and +animate the wavering wretch who stands suspended between virtue and vice. + +Sagestus had spent a night in the cavern, as he often did, and he left +the silent vestibule of the grave, just as the sun, emerging from the +ocean, dispersed the clouds, which were not half so dense as those he had +left. All that was human in him rejoiced at the sight of reviving life, +and he viewed with pleasure the mounting sap rising to expand the herbs, +which grew spontaneously in this wild--when, turning his eyes towards the +sea, he found that death had been at work during his absence, and +terrific marks of a furious storm still spread horror around. Though the +day was serene, and threw bright rays on eyes for ever shut, it dawned +not for the wretches who hung pendent on the craggy rocks, or were +stretched lifeless on the sand. Some, struggling, had dug themselves a +grave; others had resigned their breath before the impetuous surge +whirled them on shore. A few, in whom the vital spark was not so soon +dislodged, had clung to loose fragments; it was the grasp of death; +embracing the stone, they stiffened; and the head, no longer erect, +rested on the mass which the arms encircled. It felt not the agonizing +gripe, nor heard the sigh that broke the heart in twain. + +Resting his chin on an oaken club, the sage looked on every side, to see +if he could discern any who yet breathed. He drew nearer, and thought he +saw, at the first glance, the unclosed eyes glare; but soon perceived +that they were a mere glassy substance, mute as the tongue; the jaws were +fallen, and, in some of the tangled locks, hands were clinched; nay, even +the nails had entered sharpened by despair. The blood flew rapidly to his +heart; it was flesh; he felt he was still a man, and the big tear paced +down his iron cheeks, whose muscles had not for a long time been relaxed +by such humane emotions. A moment he breathed quick, then heaved a sigh, +and his wonted calm returned with an unaccustomed glow of tenderness; for +the ways of heaven were not hid from him; he lifted up his eyes to the +common Father of nature, and all was as still in his bosom, as the smooth +deep, after having closed over the huge vessel from which the wretches +had fled. + +Turning round a part of the rock that jutted out, meditating on the ways +of Providence, a weak infantine voice reached his ears; it was lisping +out the name of mother. He looked, and beheld a blooming child leaning +over, and kissing with eager fondness, lips that were insensible to the +warm pressure. Starting at the sight of the sage, she fixed her eyes on +him, "Wake her, ah! wake her," she cried, "or the sea will catch us." +Again he felt compassion, for he saw that the mother slept the sleep of +death. He stretched out his hand, and, smoothing his brow, invited her to +approach; but she still intreated him to wake her mother, whom she +continued to call, with an impatient tremulous voice. To detach her from +the body by persuasion would not have been very easy. Sagestus had a +quicker method to effect his purpose; he took out a box which contained a +soporific powder, and as soon as the fumes reached her brain, the powers +of life were suspended. + +He carried her directly to his hut, and left her sleeping profoundly on +his rushy couch. + + + + +CHAP. II. + + +AGAIN Sagestus approached the dead, to view them with a more scrutinizing +eye. He was perfectly acquainted with the construction of the human body, +knew the traces that virtue or vice leaves on the whole frame; they were +now indelibly fixed by death; nay more, he knew by the shape of the solid +structure, how far the spirit could range, and saw the barrier beyond +which it could not pass: the mazes of fancy he explored, measured the +stretch of thought, and, weighing all in an even balance, could tell whom +nature had stamped an hero, a poet, or philosopher. + +By their appearance, at a transient glance, he knew that the vessel must +have contained many passengers, and that some of them were above the +vulgar, with respect to fortune and education; he then walked leisurely +among the dead, and narrowly observed their pallid features. + +His eye first rested on a form in which proportion reigned, and, stroking +back the hair, a spacious forehead met his view; warm fancy had revelled +there, and her airy dance had left vestiges, scarcely visible to a mortal +eye. Some perpendicular lines pointed out that melancholy had +predominated in his constitution; yet the straggling hairs of his +eye-brows showed that anger had often shook his frame; indeed, the four +temperatures, like the four elements, had resided in this little world, +and produced harmony. The whole visage was bony, and an energetic frown +had knit the flexible skin of his brow; the kingdom within had been +extensive; and the wild creations of fancy had there "a local habitation +and a name." So exquisite was his sensibility, so quick his +comprehension, that he perceived various combinations in an instant; he +caught truth as she darted towards him, saw all her fair proportion at a +glance, and the flash of his eye spoke the quick senses which conveyed +intelligence to his mind; the sensorium indeed was capacious, and the +sage imagined he saw the lucid beam, sparkling with love or ambition, in +characters of fire, which a graceful curve of the upper eyelid shaded. +The lips were a little deranged by contempt; and a mixture of vanity and +self-complacency formed a few irregular lines round them. The chin had +suffered from sensuality, yet there were still great marks of vigour in +it, as if advanced with stern dignity. The hand accustomed to command, +and even tyrannize, was unnerved; but its appearance convinced Sagestus, +that he had oftener wielded a thought than a weapon; and that he had +silenced, by irresistible conviction, the superficial disputant, and the +being, who doubted because he had not strength to believe, who, wavering +between different borrowed opinions, first caught at one straw, then at +another, unable to settle into any consistency of character. After gazing +a few moments, Sagestus turned away exclaiming, How are the stately oaks +torn up by a tempest, and the bow unstrung, that could force the arrow +beyond the ken of the eye! + +What a different face next met his view! The forehead was short, yet well +set together; the nose small, but a little turned up at the end; and a +draw-down at the sides of his mouth, proved that he had been a humourist, +who minded the main chance, and could joke with his acquaintance, while +he eagerly devoured a dainty which he was not to pay for. His lips shut +like a box whose hinges had often been mended; and the muscles, which +display the soft emotion of the heart on the cheeks, were grown quite +rigid, so that, the vessels that should have moistened them not having +much communication with the grand source of passions, the fine volatile +fluid had evaporated, and they became mere dry fibres, which might be +pulled by any misfortune that threatened himself, but were not +sufficiently elastic to be moved by the miseries of others. His joints +were inserted compactly, and with celerity they had performed all the +animal functions, without any of the grace which results from the +imagination mixing with the senses. + +A huge form was stretched near him, that exhibited marks of overgrown +infancy; every part was relaxed; all appeared imperfect. Yet, some +undulating lines on the puffed-out cheeks, displayed signs of timid, +servile good nature; and the skin of the forehead had been so often drawn +up by wonder, that the few hairs of the eyebrows were fixed in a sharp +arch, whilst an ample chin rested in lobes of flesh on his protuberant +breast. + +By his side was a body that had scarcely ever much life in it--sympathy +seemed to have drawn them together--every feature and limb was round and +fleshy, and, if a kind of brutal cunning had not marked the face, it +might have been mistaken for an automaton, so unmixed was the phlegmatic +fluid. The vital spark was buried deep in a soft mass of matter, +resembling the pith in young elder, which, when found, is so equivocal, +that it only appears a moister part of the same body. + +Another part of the beach was covered with sailors, whose bodies +exhibited marks of strength and brutal courage.--Their characters were +all different, though of the same class; Sagestus did not stay to +discriminate them, satisfied with a rough sketch. He saw indolence roused +by a love of humour, or rather bodily fun; sensuality and prodigality +with a vein of generosity running through it; a contempt of danger with +gross superstition; supine senses, only to be kept alive by noisy, +tumultuous pleasures, or that kind of novelty which borders on absurdity: +this formed the common outline, and the rest were rather dabs than +shades. + +Sagestus paused, and remembered it had been said by an earthly wit, that +"many a flower is born to blush unseen, and waste its sweetness on the +desart air." How little, he exclaimed, did that poet know of the ways of +heaven! And yet, in this respect, they are direct; the hands before me, +were designed to pull a rope, knock down a sheep, or perform the servile +offices of life; no "mute, inglorious poet" rests amongst them, and he +who is superior to his fellow, does not rise above mediocrity. The genius +that sprouts from a dunghil soon shakes off the heterogenous mass; those +only grovel, who have not power to fly. + +He turned his step towards the mother of the orphan: another female was +at some distance; and a man who, by his garb, might have been the +husband, or brother, of the former, was not far off. + +Him the sage surveyed with an attentive eye, and bowed with respect to +the inanimate clay, that lately had been the dwelling of a most +benevolent spirit. The head was square, though the features were not very +prominent; but there was a great harmony in every part, and the turn of +the nostrils and lips evinced, that the soul must have had taste, to +which they had served as organs. Penetration and judgment were seated on +the brows that overhung the eye. Fixed as it was, Sagestus quickly +discerned the expression it must have had; dark and pensive, rather from +slowness of comprehension than melancholy, it seemed to absorb the light +of knowledge, to drink it in ray by ray; nay, a new one was not allowed +to enter his head till the last was arranged: an opinion was thus +cautiously received, and maturely weighed, before it was added to the +general stock. As nature led him to mount from a part to the whole, he +was most conversant with the beautiful, and rarely comprehended the +sublime; yet, said Sagestus, with a softened tone, he was all heart, full +of forbearance, and desirous to please every fellow-creature; but from a +nobler motive than a love of admiration; the fumes of vanity never +mounted to cloud his brain, or tarnish his beneficence. The fluid in +which those placid eyes swam, is now congealed; how often has tenderness +given them the finest water! Some torn parts of the child's dress hung +round his arm, which led the sage to conclude, that he had saved the +child; every line in his face confirmed the conjecture; benevolence +indeed strung the nerves that naturally were not very firm; it was the +great knot that tied together the scattered qualities, and gave the +distinct stamp to the character. + +The female whom he next approached, and supposed to be an attendant on +the other, was below the middle size, and her legs were so +disproportionably short, that, when she moved, she must have waddled +along; her elbows were drawn in to touch her long taper, waist, and the +air of her whole body was an affectation of gentility. Death could not +alter the rigid hang of her limbs, or efface the simper that had +stretched her mouth; the lips were thin, as if nature intended she should +mince her words; her nose was small, and sharp at the end; and the +forehead, unmarked by eyebrows, was wrinkled by the discontent that had +sunk her cheeks, on which Sagestus still discerned faint traces of +tenderness; and fierce good-nature, he perceived had sometimes animated +the little spark of an eye that anger had oftener lighted. The same +thought occurred to him that the sight of the sailors had suggested, Men +and women are all in their proper places--this female was intended to +fold up linen and nurse the sick. + +Anxious to observe the mother of his charge, he turned to the lily that +had been so rudely snapped, and, carefully observing it, traced every +fine line to its source. There was a delicacy in her form, so truly +feminine, that an involuntary desire to cherish such a being, made the +sage again feel the almost forgotten sensations of his nature. On +observing her more closely, he discovered that her natural delicacy had +been increased by an improper education, to a degree that took away all +vigour from her faculties. And its baneful influence had had such an +effect on her mind, that few traces of the exertions of it appeared on +her face, though the fine finish of her features, and particularly the +form of the forehead, convinced the sage that her understanding might +have risen considerably above mediocrity, had the wheels ever been put in +motion; but, clogged by prejudices, they never turned quite round, and, +whenever she considered a subject, she stopped before she came to a +conclusion. Assuming a mask of propriety, she had banished nature; yet +its tendency was only to be diverted, not stifled. Some lines, which took +from the symmetry of the mouth, not very obvious to a superficial +observer, struck Sagestus, and they appeared to him characters of +indolent obstinacy. Not having courage to form an opinion of her own, she +adhered, with blind partiality, to those she adopted, which she received +in the lump, and, as they always remained unopened, of course she only +saw the even gloss on the outside. Vestiges of anger were visible on her +brow, and the sage concluded, that she had often been offended with, and +indeed would scarcely make any allowance for, those who did not coincide +with her in opinion, as things always appear self-evident that have never +been examined; yet her very weakness gave a charming timidity to her +countenance; goodness and tenderness pervaded every lineament, and melted +in her dark blue eyes. The compassion that wanted activity, was sincere, +though it only embellished her face, or produced casual acts of charity +when a moderate alms could relieve present distress. Unacquainted with +life, fictitious, unnatural distress drew the tears that were not shed +for real misery. In its own shape, human wretchedness excites a little +disgust in the mind that has indulged sickly refinement. Perhaps the +sage gave way to a little conjecture in drawing the last conclusion; but +his conjectures generally arose from distinct ideas, and a dawn of light +allowed him to see a great way farther than common mortals. + +He was now convinced that the orphan was not very unfortunate in having +lost such a mother. The parent that inspires fond affection without +respect, is seldom an useful one; and they only are respectable, who +consider right and wrong abstracted from local forms and accidental +modifications. + +Determined to adopt the child, he named it after himself, Sagesta, and +retired to the hut where the innocent slept, to think of the best method +of educating this child, whom the angry deep had spared. + +[The last branch of the education of Sagesta, consisted of a variety of +characters and stories presented to her in the Cave of Fancy, of which +the following is a specimen.] + + + + +CHAP. + + +A FORM now approached that particularly struck and interested Sagesta. +The sage, observing what passed in her mind, bade her ever trust to the +first impression. In life, he continued, try to remember the effect the +first appearance of a stranger has on your mind; and, in proportion to +your sensibility, you may decide on the character. Intelligence glances +from eyes that have the same pursuits, and a benevolent heart soon traces +the marks of benevolence on the countenance of an unknown +fellow-creature; and not only the countenance, but the gestures, the +voice, loudly speak truth to the unprejudiced mind. + +Whenever a stranger advances towards you with a tripping step, receives +you with broad smiles, and a profusion of compliments, and yet you find +yourself embarrassed and unable to return the salutation with equal +cordiality, be assured that such a person is affected, and endeavours to +maintain a very good character in the eyes of the world, without really +practising the social virtues which dress the face in looks of unfeigned +complacency. Kindred minds are drawn to each other by expressions which +elude description; and, like the calm breeze that plays on a smooth lake, +they are rather felt than seen. Beware of a man who always appears in +good humour; a selfish design too frequently lurks in the smiles the +heart never curved; or there is an affectation of candour that destroys +all strength of character, by blending truth and falshood into an +unmeaning mass. The mouth, in fact, seems to be the feature where you may +trace every kind of dissimulation, from the simper of vanity, to the +fixed smile of the designing villain. Perhaps, the modulations of the +voice will still more quickly give a key to the character than even the +turns of the mouth, or the words that issue from it; often do the tones +of unpractised dissemblers give the lie to their assertions. Many people +never speak in an unnatural voice, but when they are insincere: the +phrases not corresponding with the dictates of the heart, have nothing to +keep them in tune. In the course of an argument however, you may easily +discover whether vanity or conviction stimulates the disputant, though +his inflated countenance may be turned from you, and you may not see the +gestures which mark self-sufficiency. He stopped, and the spirit began. + +I have wandered through the cave; and, as soon as I have taught you a +useful lesson, I shall take my flight where my tears will cease to flow, +and where mine eyes will no more be shocked with the sight of guilt and +sorrow. Before many moons have changed, thou wilt enter, O mortal! into +that world I have lately left. Listen to my warning voice, and trust not +too much to the goodness which I perceive resides in thy breast. Let it +be reined in by principles, lest thy very virtue sharpen the sting of +remorse, which as naturally follows disorder in the moral world, as pain +attends on intemperance in the physical. But my history will afford you +more instruction than mere advice. Sagestus concurred in opinion with +her, observing that the senses of children should be the first object of +improvement; then their passions worked on; and judgment the fruit, must +be the acquirement of the being itself, when out of leading-strings. The +spirit bowed assent, and, without any further prelude, entered on her +history. + +My mother was a most respectable character, but she was yoked to a man +whose follies and vices made her ever feel the weight of her chains. The +first sensation I recollect, was pity; for I have seen her weep over me +and the rest of her babes, lamenting that the extravagance of a father +would throw us destitute on the world. But, though my father was +extravagant, and seldom thought of any thing but his own pleasures, our +education was not neglected. In solitude, this employment was my mother's +only solace; and my father's pride made him procure us masters; nay, +sometimes he was so gratified by our improvement, that he would embrace +us with tenderness, and intreat my mother to forgive him, with marks of +real contrition. But the affection his penitence gave rise to, only +served to expose her to continual disappointments, and keep hope alive +merely to torment her. After a violent debauch he would let his beard +grow, and the sadness that reigned in the house I shall never forget; he +was ashamed to meet even the eyes of his children. This is so contrary to +the nature of things, it gave me exquisite pain; I used, at those times, +to show him extreme respect. I could not bear to see my parent humble +himself before me. However neither his constitution, nor fortune could +long bear the constant waste. He had, I have observed, a childish +affection for his children, which was displayed in caresses that +gratified him for the moment, yet never restrained the headlong fury of +his appetites; his momentary repentance wrung his heart, without +influencing his conduct; and he died, leaving an encumbered wreck of a +good estate. + +As we had always lived in splendid poverty, rather than in affluence, the +shock was not so great; and my mother repressed her anguish, and +concealed some circumstances, that she might not shed a destructive +mildew over the gaiety of youth. + +So fondly did I doat on this dear parent, that she engrossed all my +tenderness; her sorrows had knit me firmly to her, and my chief care was +to give her proofs of affection. The gallantry that afforded my +companions, the few young people my mother forced me to mix with, so much +pleasure, I despised; I wished more to be loved than admired, for I could +love. I adored virtue; and my imagination, chasing a chimerical object, +overlooked the common pleasures of life; they were not sufficient for my +happiness. A latent fire made me burn to rise superior to my +contemporaries in wisdom and virtue; and tears of joy and emulation +filled my eyes when I read an account of a great action--I felt +admiration, not astonishment. + +My mother had two particular friends, who endeavoured to settle her +affairs; one was a middle-aged man, a merchant; the human breast never +enshrined a more benevolent heart. His manners were rather rough, and he +bluntly spoke his thoughts without observing the pain it gave; yet he +possessed extreme tenderness, as far as his discernment went. Men do not +make sufficient distinction, said she, digressing from her story to +address Sagestus, between tenderness and sensibility. + +To give the shortest definition of sensibility, replied the sage, I +should say that it is the result of acute senses, finely fashioned +nerves, which vibrate at the slightest touch, and convey such clear +intelligence to the brain, that it does not require to be arranged by the +judgment. Such persons instantly enter into the characters of others, and +instinctively discern what will give pain to every human being; their own +feelings are so varied that they seem to contain in themselves, not only +all the passions of the species, but their various modifications. +Exquisite pain and pleasure is their portion; nature wears for them a +different aspect than is displayed to common mortals. One moment it is a +paradise; all is beautiful: a cloud arises, an emotion receives a sudden +damp; darkness invades the sky, and the world is an unweeded garden;--but +go on with your narrative, said Sagestus, recollecting himself. + +She proceeded. The man I am describing was humanity itself; but +frequently he did not understand me; many of my feelings were not to be +analyzed by his common sense. His friendships, for he had many friends, +gave him pleasure unmixed with pain; his religion was coldly reasonable, +because he wanted fancy, and he did not feel the necessity of finding, +or creating, a perfect object, to answer the one engraved on his heart: +the sketch there was faint. He went with the stream, and rather caught a +character from the society he lived in, than spread one around him. In my +mind many opinions were graven with a pen of brass, which he thought +chimerical: but time could not erase them, and I now recognize them as +the seeds of eternal happiness: they will soon expand in those realms +where I shall enjoy the bliss adapted to my nature; this is all we need +ask of the Supreme Being; happiness must follow the completion of his +designs. He however could live quietly, without giving a preponderancy to +many important opinions that continually obtruded on my mind; not having +an enthusiastic affection for his fellow creatures, he did them good, +without suffering from their follies. He was particularly attached to me, +and I felt for him all the affection of a daughter; often, when he had +been interesting himself to promote my welfare, have I lamented that he +was not my father; lamented that the vices of mine had dried up one +source of pure affection. + +The other friend I have already alluded to, was of a very different +character; greatness of mind, and those combinations of feeling which are +so difficult to describe, raised him above the throng, that bustle their +hour out, lie down to sleep, and are forgotten. But I shall soon see him, +she exclaimed, as much superior to his former self, as he then rose in my +eyes above his fellow creatures! As she spoke, a glow of delight +animated each feature; her countenance appeared transparent; and she +silently anticipated the happiness she should enjoy, when she entered +those mansions, where death-divided friends should meet, to part no more; +where human weakness could not damp their bliss, or poison the cup of joy +that, on earth, drops from the lips as soon as tasted, or, if some daring +mortal snatches a hasty draught, what was sweet to the taste becomes a +root of bitterness. + +He was unfortunate, had many cares to struggle with, and I marked on his +cheeks traces of the same sorrows that sunk my own. He was unhappy I say, +and perhaps pity might first have awoke my tenderness; for, early in +life, an artful woman worked on his compassionate soul, and he united his +fate to a being made up of such jarring elements, that he was still +alone. The discovery did not extinguish that propensity to love, a high +sense of virtue fed. I saw him sick and unhappy, without a friend to +sooth the hours languor made heavy; often did I sit a long winter's +evening by his side, railing at the swift wings of time, and terming my +love, humanity. + +Two years passed in this manner, silently rooting my affection; and it +might have continued calm, if a fever had not brought him to the very +verge of the grave. Though still deceived, I was miserable that the +customs of the world did not allow me to watch by him; when sleep forsook +his pillow, my wearied eyes were not closed, and my anxious spirit +hovered round his bed. I saw him, before he had recovered his strength; +and, when his hand touched mine, life almost retired, or flew to meet +the touch. The first look found a ready way to my heart, and thrilled +through every vein. We were left alone, and insensibly began to talk of +the immortality of the soul; I declared that I could not live without +this conviction. In the ardour of conversation he pressed my hand to his +heart; it rested there a moment, and my emotions gave weight to my +opinion, for the affection we felt was not of a perishable nature.--A +silence ensued, I know not how long; he then threw my hand from him, as +if it had been a serpent; formally complained of the weather, and +adverted to twenty other uninteresting subjects. Vain efforts! Our hearts +had already spoken to each other. + +Feebly did I afterwards combat an affection, which seemed twisted in +every fibre of my heart. The world stood still when I thought of him; it +moved heavily at best, with one whose very constitution seemed to mark +her out for misery. But I will not dwell on the passion I too fondly +nursed. One only refuge had I on earth; I could not resolutely desolate +the scene my fancy flew to, when worldly cares, when a knowledge of +mankind, which my circumstances forced on me, rendered every other +insipid. I was afraid of the unmarked vacuity of common life; yet, though +I supinely indulged myself in fairy-land, when I ought to have been more +actively employed, virtue was still the first mover of my actions; she +dressed my love in such enchanting colours, and spread the net I could +never break. Our corresponding feelings confounded our very souls; and +in many conversations we almost intuitively discerned each other's +sentiments; the heart opened itself, not chilled by reserve, nor afraid +of misconstruction. But, if virtue inspired love, love gave new energy to +virtue, and absorbed every selfish passion. Never did even a wish escape +me, that my lover should not fulfil the hard duties which fate had +imposed on him. I only dissembled with him in one particular; I +endeavoured to soften his wife's too conspicuous follies, and extenuated +her failings in an indirect manner. To this I was prompted by a loftiness +of spirit; I should have broken the band of life, had I ceased to respect +myself. But I will hasten to an important change in my circumstances. + +My mother, who had concealed the real state of her affairs from me, was +now impelled to make me her confident, that I might assist to discharge +her mighty debt of gratitude. The merchant, my more than father, had +privately assisted her: but a fatal civil-war reduced his large property +to a bare competency; and an inflammation in his eyes, that arose from a +cold he had caught at a wreck, which he watched during a stormy night to +keep off the lawless colliers, almost deprived him of sight. His life had +been spent in society, and he scarcely knew how to fill the void; for his +spirit would not allow him to mix with his former equals as an humble +companion; he who had been treated with uncommon respect, could not brook +their insulting pity. From the resource of solitude, reading, the +complaint in his eyes cut him off, and he became our constant visitor. + +Actuated by the sincerest affection, I used to read to him, and he +mistook my tenderness for love. How could I undeceive him, when every +circumstance frowned on him! Too soon I found that I was his only +comfort; I, who rejected his hand when fortune smiled, could not now +second her blow; and, in a moment of enthusiastic gratitude and tender +compassion, I offered him my hand.--It was received with pleasure; +transport was not made for his soul; nor did he discover that nature had +separated us, by making me alive to such different sensations. My mother +was to live with us, and I dwelt on this circumstance to banish cruel +recollections, when the bent bow returned to its former state. + +With a bursting heart and a firm voice, I named the day when I was to +seal my promise. It came, in spite of my regret; I had been previously +preparing myself for the awful ceremony, and answered the solemn question +with a resolute tone, that would silence the dictates of my heart; it was +a forced, unvaried one; had nature modulated it, my secret would have +escaped. My active spirit was painfully on the watch to repress every +tender emotion. The joy in my venerable parent's countenance, the +tenderness of my husband, as he conducted me home, for I really had a +sincere affection for him, the gratulations of my mind, when I thought +that this sacrifice was heroic, all tended to deceive me; but the joy of +victory over the resigned, pallid look of my lover, haunted my +imagination, and fixed itself in the centre of my brain.--Still I +imagined, that his spirit was near me, that he only felt sorrow for my +loss, and without complaint resigned me to my duty. + +I was left alone a moment; my two elbows rested on a table to support my +chin. Ten thousand thoughts darted with astonishing velocity through my +mind. My eyes were dry; I was on the brink of madness. At this moment a +strange association was made by my imagination; I thought of Gallileo, +who when he left the inquisition, looked upwards, and cried out, "Yet it +moves." A shower of tears, like the refreshing drops of heaven, relieved +my parched sockets; they fell disregarded on the table; and, stamping +with my foot, in an agony I exclaimed, "Yet I love." My husband entered +before I had calmed these tumultuous emotions, and tenderly took my +hand. I snatched it from him; grief and surprise were marked on his +countenance; I hastily stretched it out again. My heart smote me, and I +removed the transient mist by an unfeigned endeavour to please him. + +A few months after, my mind grew calmer; and, if a treacherous +imagination, if feelings many accidents revived, sometimes plunged me +into melancholy, I often repeated with steady conviction, that virtue was +not an empty name, and that, in following the dictates of duty, I had not +bidden adieu to content. + +In the course of a few years, the dear object of my fondest affection, +said farewel, in dying accents. Thus left alone, my grief became dear; +and I did not feel solitary, because I thought I might, without a crime, +indulge a passion, that grew more ardent than ever when my imagination +only presented him to my view, and restored my former activity of soul +which the late calm had rendered torpid. I seemed to find myself again, +to find the eccentric warmth that gave me identity of character. Reason +had governed my conduct, but could not change my nature; this voluptuous +sorrow was superior to every gratification of sense, and death more +firmly united our hearts. + +Alive to every human affection, I smoothed my mothers passage to +eternity, and so often gave my husband sincere proofs of affection, he +never supposed that I was actuated by a more fervent attachment. My +melancholy, my uneven spirits, he attributed to my extreme sensibility, +and loved me the better for possessing qualities he could not +comprehend. + +At the close of a summer's day, some years after, I wandered with +careless steps over a pathless common; various anxieties had rendered the +hours which the sun had enlightened heavy; sober evening came on; I +wished to still "my mind, and woo lone quiet in her silent walk." The +scene accorded with my feelings; it was wild and grand; and the spreading +twilight had almost confounded the distant sea with the barren, blue +hills that melted from my sight. I sat down on a rising ground; the rays +of the departing sun illumined the horizon, but so indistinctly, that I +anticipated their total extinction. The death of Nature led me to a still +more interesting subject, that came home to my bosom, the death of him I +loved. A village-bell was tolling; I listened, and thought of the moment +when I heard his interrupted breath, and felt the agonizing fear, that +the same sound would never more reach my ears, and that the intelligence +glanced from my eyes, would no more be felt. The spoiler had seized his +prey; the sun was fled, what was this world to me! I wandered to another, +where death and darkness could not enter; I pursued the sun beyond the +mountains, and the soul escaped from this vale of tears. My reflections +were tinged with melancholy, but they were sublime.--I grasped a mighty +whole, and smiled on the king of terrors; the tie which bound me to my +friends he could not break; the same mysterious knot united me to the +source of all goodness and happiness. I had seen the divinity reflected +in a face I loved; I had read immortal characters displayed on a human +countenance, and forgot myself whilst I gazed. I could not think of +immortality, without recollecting the ecstacy I felt, when my heart first +whispered to me that I was beloved; and again did I feel the sacred tie +of mutual affection; fervently I prayed to the father of mercies; and +rejoiced that he could see every turn of a heart, whose movements I could +not perfectly understand. My passion seemed a pledge of immortality; I +did not wish to hide it from the all-searching eye of heaven. Where +indeed could I go from his presence? and, whilst it was dear to me, +though darkness might reign during the night of life, joy would come when +I awoke to life everlasting. + +I now turned my step towards home, when the appearance of a girl, who +stood weeping on the common, attracted my attention. I accosted her, and +soon heard her simple tale; that her father was gone to sea, and her +mother sick in bed. I followed her to their little dwelling, and relieved +the sick wretch. I then again sought my own abode; but death did not now +haunt my fancy. Contriving to give the poor creature I had left more +effectual relief, I reached my own garden-gate very weary, and rested on +it.--Recollecting the turns of my mind during the walk, I exclaimed, +Surely life may thus be enlivened by active benevolence, and the sleep of +death, like that I am now disposed to fall into, may be sweet! + +My life was now unmarked by any extraordinary change, and a few days ago +I entered this cavern; for through it every mortal must pass; and here I +have discovered, that I neglected many opportunities of being useful, +whilst I fostered a devouring flame. Remorse has not reached me, because +I firmly adhered to my principles, and I have also discovered that I saw +through a false medium. Worthy as the mortal was I adored, I should not +long have loved him with the ardour I did, had fate united us, and broken +the delusion the imagination so artfully wove. His virtues, as they now +do, would have extorted my esteem; but he who formed the human soul, only +can fill it, and the chief happiness of an immortal being must arise from +the same source as its existence. Earthly love leads to heavenly, and +prepares us for a more exalted state; if it does not change its nature, +and destroy itself, by trampling on the virtue, that constitutes its +essence, and allies us to the Deity. + + + + +ON + +POETRY, + +AND + +OUR RELISH FOR THE BEAUTIES OF NATURE. + + +ON + +POETRY, &c. + + +A TASTE for rural scenes, in the present state of society, appears to be +very often an artificial sentiment, rather inspired by poetry and +romances, than a real perception of the beauties of nature. But, as it is +reckoned a proof of refined taste to praise the calm pleasures which the +country affords, the theme is never exhausted. Yet it may be made a +question, whether this romantic kind of declamation, has much effect on +the conduct of those, who leave, for a season, the crowded cities in +which they were bred. + +I have been led to these reflections, by observing, when I have resided +for any length of time in the country, how few people seem to contemplate +nature with their own eyes. I have "brushed the dew away" in the morning; +but, pacing over the printless grass, I have wondered that, in such +delightful situations, the sun was allowed to rise in solitary majesty, +whilst my eyes alone hailed its beautifying beams. The webs of the +evening have still been spread across the hedged path, unless some +labouring man, trudging to work, disturbed the fairy structure; yet, in +spite of this supineness, when I joined the social circle, every tongue +rang changes on the pleasures of the country. + +Having frequently had occasion to make the same observation, I was led to +endeavour, in one of my solitary rambles, to trace the cause, and +likewise to enquire why the poetry written in the infancy of society, is +most natural: which, strictly speaking (for _natural_ is a very +indefinite expression) is merely to say, that it is the transcript of +immediate sensations, in all their native wildness and simplicity, when +fancy, awakened by the sight of interesting objects, was most actively at +work. At such moments, sensibility quickly furnishes similes, and the +sublimated spirits combine images, which rising spontaneously, it is not +necessary coldly to ransack the understanding or memory, till the +laborious efforts of judgment exclude present sensations, and damp the +fire of enthusiasm. + +The effusions of a vigorous mind, will ever tell us how far the +understanding has been enlarged by thought, and stored with knowledge. +The richness of the soil even appears on the surface; and the result of +profound thinking, often mixing, with playful grace, in the reveries of +the poet, smoothly incorporates with the ebullitions of animal spirits, +when the finely fashioned nerve vibrates acutely with rapture, or when, +relaxed by soft melancholy, a pleasing languor prompts the long-drawn +sigh, and feeds the slowly falling tear. + +The poet, the man of strong feelings, gives us only an image of his mind, +when he was actually alone, conversing with himself, and marking the +impression which nature had made on his own heart.--If, at this sacred +moment, the idea of some departed friend, some tender recollection when +the soul was most alive to tenderness, intruded unawares into his +thoughts, the sorrow which it produced is artlessly, yet poetically +expressed--and who can avoid sympathizing? + +Love to man leads to devotion--grand and sublime images strike the +imagination--God is seen in every floating cloud, and comes from the +misty mountain to receive the noblest homage of an intelligent +creature--praise. How solemn is the moment, when all affections and +remembrances fade before the sublime admiration which the wisdom and +goodness of God inspires, when he is worshipped in a _temple not made +with hands_, and the world seems to contain only the mind that formed, +and the mind that contemplates it! These are not the weak responses of +ceremonial devotion; nor, to express them, would the poet need another +poet's aid: his heart burns within him, and he speaks the language of +truth and nature with resistless energy. + +Inequalities, of course, are observable in his effusions; and a less +vigorous fancy, with more taste, would have produced more elegance and +uniformity; but, as passages are softened or expunged during the cooler +moments of reflection, the understanding is gratified at the expence of +those involuntary sensations, which, like the beauteous tints of an +evening sky, are so evanescent, that they melt into new forms before they +can be analyzed. For however eloquently we may boast of our reason, man +must often be delighted he cannot tell why, or his blunt feelings are not +made to relish the beauties which nature, poetry, or any of the imitative +arts, afford. + +The imagery of the ancients seems naturally to have been borrowed from +surrounding objects and their mythology. When a hero is to be transported +from one place to another, across pathless wastes, is any vehicle so +natural, as one of the fleecy clouds on which the poet has often gazed, +scarcely conscious that he wished to make it his chariot? Again, when +nature seems to present obstacles to his progress at almost every step, +when the tangled forest and steep mountain stand as barriers, to pass +over which the mind longs for supernatural aid; an interposing deity, who +walks on the waves, and rules the storm, severely felt in the first +attempts to cultivate a country, will receive from the impassioned fancy +"a local habitation and a name." + +It would be a philosophical enquiry, and throw some light on the history +of the human mind, to trace, as far as our information will allow us to +trace, the spontaneous feelings and ideas which have produced the images +that now frequently appear unnatural, because they are remote; and +disgusting, because they have been servilely copied by poets, whose +habits of thinking, and views of nature must have been different; for, +though the understanding seldom disturbs the current of our present +feelings, without dissipating the gay clouds which fancy has been +embracing, yet it silently gives the colour to the whole tenour of them, +and the dream is over, when truth is grossly violated, or images +introduced, selected from books, and not from local manners or popular +prejudices. + +In a more advanced state of civilization, a poet is rather the creature +of art, than of nature. The books that he reads in his youth, become a +hot-bed in which artificial fruits are produced, beautiful to the common +eye, though they want the true hue and flavour. His images do not arise +from sensations; they are copies; and, like the works of the painters who +copy ancient statues when they draw men and women of their own times, we +acknowledge that the features are fine, and the proportions just; yet +they are men of stone; insipid figures, that never convey to the mind the +idea of a portrait taken from life, where the soul gives spirit and +homogeneity to the whole. The silken wings of fancy are shrivelled by +rules; and a desire of attaining elegance of diction, occasions an +attention to words, incompatible with sublime, impassioned thoughts. + +A boy of abilities, who has been taught the structure of verse at school, +and been roused by emulation to compose rhymes whilst he was reading +works of genius, may, by practice, produce pretty verses, and even become +what is often termed an elegant poet: yet his readers, without knowing +what to find fault with, do not find themselves warmly interested. In the +works of the poets who fasten on their affections, they see grosser +faults, and the very images which shock their taste in the modern; still +they do not appear as puerile or extrinsic in one as the +other.--Why?--because they did not appear so to the author. + +It may sound paradoxical, after observing that those productions want +vigour, that are merely the work of imitation, in which the understanding +has violently directed, if not extinguished, the blaze of fancy, to +assert, that, though genius be only another word for exquisite +sensibility, the first observers of nature, the true poets, exercised +their understanding much more than their imitators. But they exercised it +to discriminate things, whilst their followers were busy to borrow +sentiments and arrange words. + +Boys who have received a classical education, load their memory with +words, and the correspondent ideas are perhaps never distinctly +comprehended. As a proof of this assertion, I must observe, that I have +known many young people who could write tolerably smooth verses, and +string epithets prettily together, when their prose themes showed the +barrenness of their minds, and how superficial the cultivation must have +been, which their understanding had received. + +Dr. Johnson, I know, has given a definition of genius, which would +overturn my reasoning, if I were to admit it.--He imagines, that _a +strong mind, accidentally led to some particular study_ in which it +excels, is a genius.--Not to stop to investigate the causes which +produced this happy _strength_ of mind, experience seems to prove, that +those minds have appeared most vigorous, that have pursued a study, after +nature had discovered a bent; for it would be absurd to suppose, that a +slight impression made on the weak faculties of a boy, is the fiat of +fate, and not to be effaced by any succeeding impression, or unexpected +difficulty. Dr. Johnson in fact, appears sometimes to be of the same +opinion (how consistently I shall not now enquire), especially when he +observes, "that Thomson looked on nature with the eye which she only +gives to a poet." + +But, though it should be allowed that books may produce some poets, I +fear they will never be the poets who charm our cares to sleep, or extort +admiration. They may diffuse taste, and polish the language; but I am +inclined to conclude that they will seldom rouse the passions, or amend +the heart. + +And, to return to the first subject of discussion, the reason why most +people are more interested by a scene described by a poet, than by a +view of nature, probably arises from the want of a lively imagination. +The poet contracts the prospect, and, selecting the most picturesque part +in his _camera_, the judgment is directed, and the whole force of the +languid faculty turned towards the objects which excited the most +forcible emotions in the poet's heart; the reader consequently feels the +enlivened description, though he was not able to receive a first +impression from the operations of his own mind. + +Besides, it may be further observed, that gross minds are only to be +moved by forcible representations. To rouse the thoughtless, objects must +be presented, calculated to produce tumultuous emotions; the +unsubstantial, picturesque forms which a contemplative man gazes on, and +often follows with ardour till he is mocked by a glimpse of unattainable +excellence, appear to them the light vapours of a dreaming enthusiast, +who gives up the substance for the shadow. It is not within that they +seek amusement; their eyes are seldom turned on themselves; consequently +their emotions, though sometimes fervid, are always transient, and the +nicer perceptions which distinguish the man of genuine taste, are not +felt, or make such a slight impression as scarcely to excite any +pleasurable sensations. Is it surprising then that they are often +overlooked, even by those who are delighted by the same images +concentrated by the poet? + +But even this numerous class is exceeded, by witlings, who, anxious to +appear to have wit and taste, do not allow their understandings or +feelings any liberty; for, instead of cultivating their faculties and +reflecting on their operations, they are busy collecting prejudices; and +are predetermined to admire what the suffrage of time announces as +excellent, not to store up a fund of amusement for themselves, but to +enable them to talk. + +These hints will assist the reader to trace some of the causes why the +beauties of nature are not forcibly felt, when civilization, or rather +luxury, has made considerable advances--those calm sensations are not +sufficiently lively to serve as a relaxation to the voluptuary, or even +to the moderate pursuer of artificial pleasures. In the present state of +society, the understanding must bring back the feelings to nature, or the +sensibility must have such native strength, as rather to be whetted than +destroyed by the strong exercises of passion. + +That the most valuable things are liable to the greatest perversion, is +however as trite as true:--for the same sensibility, or quickness of +senses, which makes a man relish the tranquil scenes of nature, when +sensation, rather than reason, imparts delight, frequently makes a +libertine of him, by leading him to prefer the sensual tumult of love a +little refined by sentiment, to the calm pleasures of affectionate +friendship, in whose sober satisfactions, reason, mixing her +tranquillizing convictions, whispers, that content, not happiness, is the +reward of virtue in this world. + + + + +HINTS. + +[_Chiefly designed to have been incorporated in the Second Part of the_ +Vindication of the Rights of Woman.] + + +HINTS. + + +1. + +INDOLENCE is the source of nervous complaints, and a whole host of cares. +This devil might say that his name was legion. + + +2. + +It should be one of the employments of women of fortune, to visit +hospitals, and superintend the conduct of inferiors. + + +3. + +It is generally supposed, that the imagination of women is particularly +active, and leads them astray. Why then do we seek by education only to +exercise their imagination and feeling, till the understanding, grown +rigid by disuse, is unable to exercise itself--and the superfluous +nourishment the imagination and feeling have received, renders the former +romantic, and the latter weak? + + +4. + +Few men have risen to any great eminence in learning, who have not +received something like a regular education. Why are women expected to +surmount difficulties that men are not equal to? + + +5. + +Nothing can be more absurd than the ridicule of the critic, that the +heroine of his mock-tragedy was in love with the very man whom she ought +least to have loved; he could not have given a better reason. How can +passion gain strength any other way? In Otaheite, love cannot be known, +where the obstacles to irritate an indiscriminate appetite, and sublimate +the simple sensations of desire till they mount to passion, are never +known. There a man or woman cannot love the very person they ought not to +have loved--nor does jealousy ever fan the flame. + + +6. + +It has frequently been observed, that, when women have an object in view, +they pursue it with more steadiness than men, particularly love. This is +not a compliment. Passion pursues with more heat than reason, and with +most ardour during the absence of reason. + + +7. + +Men are more subject to the physical love than women. The confined +education of women makes them more subject to jealousy. + + +8. + +Simplicity seems, in general, the consequence of ignorance, as I have +observed in the characters of women and sailors--the being confined to +one track of impressions. + + +9. + +I know of no other way of preserving the chastity of mankind, than that +of rendering women rather objects of love than desire. The difference is +great. Yet, while women are encouraged to ornament their persons at the +expence of their minds, while indolence renders them helpless and +lascivious (for what other name can be given to the common intercourse +between the sexes?) they will be, generally speaking, only objects of +desire; and, to such women, men cannot be constant. Men, accustomed only +to have their senses moved, merely seek for a selfish gratification in +the society of women, and their sexual instinct, being neither supported +by the understanding nor the heart, must be excited by variety. + + +10. + +We ought to respect old opinions; though prejudices, blindly adopted, +lead to error, and preclude all exercise of the reason. + +The emulation which often makes a boy mischievous, is a generous spur; +and the old remark, that unlucky, turbulent boys, make the wisest and +best men, is true, spite of Mr. Knox's arguments. It has been observed, +that the most adventurous horses, when tamed or domesticated, are the +most mild and tractable. + + +11. + +The children who start up suddenly at twelve or fourteen, and fall into +decays, in consequence, as it is termed, of outgrowing their strength, +are in general, I believe, those children, who have been bred up with +mistaken tenderness, and not allowed to sport and take exercise in the +open air. This is analogous to plants: for it is found that they run up +sickly, long stalks, when confined. + + +12. + +Children should be taught to feel deference, not to practise submission. + + +13. + +It is always a proof of false refinement, when a fastidious taste +overpowers sympathy. + + +14. + +Lust appears to be the most natural companion of wild ambition; and love +of human praise, of that dominion erected by cunning. + + +15. + +"Genius decays as judgment increases." Of course, those who have the +least genius, have the earliest appearance of wisdom. + + +16. + +A knowledge of the fine arts, is seldom subservient to the promotion of +either religion or virtue. Elegance is often indecency; witness our +prints. + + +17. + +There does not appear to be any evil in the world, but what is necessary. +The doctrine of rewards and punishments, not considered as a means of +reformation, appears to me an infamous libel on divine goodness. + + +18. + +Whether virtue is founded on reason or revelation, virtue is wisdom, and +vice is folly. Why are positive punishments? + + +19. + +Few can walk alone. The staff of Christianity is the necessary support of +human weakness. But an acquaintance with the nature of man and virtue, +with just sentiments on the attributes, would be sufficient, without a +voice from heaven, to lead some to virtue, but not the mob. + + +20. + +I only expect the natural reward of virtue, whatever it may be. I rely +not on a positive reward. + +The justice of God can be vindicated by a belief in a future state--but +a continuation of being vindicates it as clearly, as the positive system +of rewards and punishments--by evil educing good for the individual, and +not for an imaginary whole. The happiness of the whole must arise from +the happiness of the constituent parts, or this world is not a state of +trial, but a school. + + +21. + +The vices acquired by Augustus to retain his power, must have tainted his +soul, and prevented that increase of happiness a good man expects in the +next stage of existence. This was a natural punishment. + + +22. + +The lover is ever most deeply enamoured, when it is with he knows not +what--and the devotion of a mystic has a rude Gothic grandeur in it, +which the respectful adoration of a philosopher will never reach. I may +be thought fanciful; but it has continually occurred to me, that, though, +I allow, reason in this world is the mother of wisdom--yet some flights +of the imagination seem to reach what wisdom cannot teach--and, while +they delude us here, afford a glorious hope, if not a foretaste, of what +we may expect hereafter. He that created us, did not mean to mark us with +ideal images of grandeur, the _baseless fabric of a vision_--No--that +perfection we follow with hopeless ardour when the whisperings of reason +are heard, may be found, when not incompatible with our state, in the +round of eternity. Perfection indeed must, even then, be a comparative +idea--but the wisdom, the happiness of a superior state, has been +supposed to be intuitive, and the happiest effusions of human genius have +seemed like inspiration--the deductions of reason destroy sublimity. + + +23. + +I am more and more convinced, that poetry is the first effervescence of +the imagination, and the forerunner of civilization. + + +24. + +When the Arabs had no trace of literature or science, they composed +beautiful verses on the subjects of love and war. The flights of the +imagination, and the laboured deductions of reason, appear almost +incompatible. + + +25. + +Poetry certainly flourishes most in the first rude state of society. The +passions speak most eloquently, when they are not shackled by reason. +The sublime expression, which has been so often quoted, [Genesis, ch. 1, +ver. 3.] is perhaps a barbarous flight; or rather the grand conception of +an uncultivated mind; for it is contrary to nature and experience, to +suppose that this account is founded on facts--It is doubtless a sublime +allegory. But a cultivated mind would not thus have described the +creation--for, arguing from analogy, it appears that creation must have +been a comprehensive plan, and that the Supreme Being always uses second +causes, slowly and silently to fulfil his purpose. This is, in reality, a +more sublime view of that power which wisdom supports: but it is not the +sublimity that would strike the impassioned mind, in which the +imagination took place of intellect. Tell a being, whose affections and +passions have been more exercised than his reason, that God said, _Let +there be light! and there was light_; and he would prostrate himself +before the Being who could thus call things out of nothing, as if they +were: but a man in whom reason had taken place of passion, would not +adore, till wisdom was conspicuous as well as power, for his admiration +must be founded on principle. + + +26. + +Individuality is ever conspicuous in those enthusiastic flights of fancy, +in which reason is left behind, without being lost sight of. + + +27. + +The mind has been too often brought to the test of enquiries which only +reach to matter--put into the crucible, though the magnetic and electric +fluid escapes from the experimental philosopher. + + +28. + +Mr. Kant has observed, that the understanding is sublime, the imagination +beautiful--yet it is evident, that poets, and men who undoubtedly possess +the liveliest imagination, are most touched by the sublime, while men who +have cold, enquiring minds, have not this exquisite feeling in any great +degree, and indeed seem to lose it as they cultivate their reason. + + +29. + +The Grecian buildings are graceful--they fill the mind with all those +pleasing emotions, which elegance and beauty never fail to excite in a +cultivated mind--utility and grace strike us in unison--the mind is +satisfied--things appear just what they ought to be: a calm satisfaction +is felt, but the imagination has nothing to do--no obscurity darkens the +gloom--like reasonable content, we can say why we are pleased--and this +kind of pleasure may be lasting, but it is never great. + + +30. + +When we say that a person is an original, it is only to say in other +words that he thinks. "The less a man has cultivated his rational +faculties, the more powerful is the principle of imitation, over his +actions, and his habits of thinking. Most women, of course, are more +influenced by the behaviour, the fashions, and the opinions of those with +whom they associate, than men." (Smellie.) + +When we read a book which supports our favourite opinions, how eagerly do +we suck in the doctrines, and suffer our minds placidly to reflect the +images which illustrate the tenets we have embraced? We indolently or +quietly acquiesce in the conclusion, and our spirit animates and connects +the various subjects. But, on the contrary, when we peruse a skilful +writer, who does not coincide in opinion with us, how is the mind on the +watch to detect fallacy? And this coolness often prevents our being +carried away by a stream of eloquence, which the prejudiced mind terms +declamation--a pomp of words.--We never allow ourselves to be warmed; +and, after contending with the writer, are more confirmed in our own +opinion, as much perhaps from a spirit of contradiction as from +reason.--Such is the strength of man! + + +31. + +It is the individual manner of seeing and feeling, pourtrayed by a strong +imagination in bold images that have struck the senses, which creates +all the charms of poetry. A great reader is always quoting the +description of another's emotions; a strong imagination delights to paint +its own. A writer of genius makes us feel; an inferior author reason. + + +32. + +Some principle prior to self-love must have existed: the feeling which +produced the pleasure, must have existed before the experience. + + +THE END. + + +Transcriber's Notes: + +1. Obvious punctuation errors repaired. + +2. This text contains blank space and lines of "--" and "*" characters. +These are replicated from the printed pages, presumably they indicate +censored text from the original source. + +3. The listed errata at the beginning of Volume 1 and Volume 4 have been +applied to the text. + +4. The text as printed used incipits and 'long s' font. The incipits have +not been replicated in this version, but can be viewed on 'long s' HTML +version of the text or the page images linked from the HTML versions. + +5. Corrections: +Volume 1, Page 33, "accuteness" changed to "acuteness" +Volume 1, Page 51, "unfortutunate" changed to "unfortunate" +Volume 1, Page 57, "resource" changed to "recourse" +Volume 1, Page 90, "hunted" changed to "shunted" +Volume 1, Page 103, "carreer" changed to "career" +Volume 1, Page 161, "plased" changed to "pleased" +Volume 2, Page 116, "and and" changed to "and" +Volume 3, Page 35, "a r" changed to "air" +Volume 3, Page 81, "he he" changed to "he" +Volume 3, Page 120, "explananations" changed to "explanations" + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Posthumous Works, by Mary Wollstonecraft + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK POSTHUMOUS WORKS *** + +***** This file should be named 23233.txt or 23233.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/3/2/3/23233/ + +Produced by Jonathan Ingram, Online Distributed Proofreading +Team at http://www.pgdp.net and the booksmiths at +http://www.eBookForge.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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